#and it was like 17 points what they loved about my fic and I cried /pos

[chaosfairy18]

Writing is so weird because on the one hand it is "how has no one ever written this before, I need to do it, clearly, because I want to see it, no, need to see it." but also "no one reads it and tells me anything in comments, obviously I must be terrible at writing." like this is not helping

It should only be for you because you enjoy making it but it always feels like you still need to hit a quota, like it is only worth it if you get a specific number of hits or kudos because that's just how humans are, we thrive off reactions and seeing people like what we do

[seonghw4ffles]

sunk cost fallacy

"im reeling in my brain again, before it can get back to you."

playing ricky montgomery ...

seonghwa x fem!reader

< chapter one > chapter two (?)

genre: 4am rant, angst, second chance, ex, seonghwa mc

w/c: 2.6k

summary: he ran for you like a fool when you called him saying your car broke down after fifteen months of no contact

tw: quite poorly written (its pretty much my vents into a fic), reader METAPHORICALLY referred to as "small," no happy ending (unless this gets attention), minor swearing, just sad, thats it though

note: the indented are memories. hi guys im back from school camp hehhee!!! i have never seen angst being on the s/o's side, its always carried on the y/n which frustrates me... might delete this cus i havent proofread,, yeah i might make a pt2 of hea if anyone cares 😭

"oh what am i supposed to do, without you?"

THURSDAY 04:17

seonghwa had no intent of anything, when he was unable to sleep.

seonghwa had no intent of anything, when he minimised himself across his bed.

his mind is a merry go round, already worn out. he doesn't know if these feelings in the air are beautiful or wretched.

seonghwa had no intent of anything, before his phone rings to a call.

he looks over and reads your name across the phone screen. it was almost a reflex when he instantly straightened himself, grabbed his phone and answered.

"y/n? hello?"

“hey, seo- seonghwa…” you shudder as you say his name. “could you help me?”

oh how he missed your voice. yet, his full name sounds strange under your lips.

and only after a moment of communication on the phone, he grabs his keys off the nightstand.

˖ ࣪⭑

"sorry. i couldn't afford a tow truck," you speak through the call.

"no, don't apologise. i'm coming for you."

he's already driving through the dark, apathetic to his dishevelled state. as well as the speed limit.

you’re trapped on the side of the road with a broken down car. you happened to be without any other choice but to call him. and honestly, thank the fates that this was the situation.

“are you okay? its so loud, are you driving safely?” you say, hearing influx of seonghwa’s very own car horns.

“yeah. don’t worry. just a whole lot of mindless drivers,” he replies. people who couldn’t drive should get off the road.

as he speaks, he notices how exhausted his voice sounds, as though he hasn’t spoke in so long. but one couldn’t really get a chance to talk if there was never anyone to talk to.

more horns fill the air.

seonghwas hunches forward. he is on the brink of smashing the pedal, just to distract himself from his own overwhelming mind. the drive is so damn slow.

as he steps back, he cries, realising all is gone. "what about my friends? my parents? they all hate you. fuck it, they hate me too. im sorry. i just can't."

somebody blocks his way, and he punches the steering wheel. well, it’s more because of the memories that begin to trespass his head, however it is impossible for him to care less.

he hates himself for the way he took your vast, beautiful hope for granted during then. for how he was so dense, so scared to let his love take over his fear. and now that everything all had dissolved, he wishes he did something differently. so that perhaps the current state wouldn’t be so.

and so perhaps you wouldn’t be stranded in the middle of nowhere but a road, all alone, in the night. for hours.

you’re in trouble. and he is obliged to save you, be your hero, the way he used to, and the way he was always supposed to.

“are you alright? are you cold? do you have a jacket?” he asks through the phone, almost at your location.

he waits for a response, but he's only met with silence.

"y/n? hello? y/n??"

and there was still no answer.

his heart rate drastically increases. he's really smashing the pedal now.

"y/n,, answer me? please?? hello???" he shakes.

a hundred, a hundred and ten, a hundred and thirty.

he's so scared.

he's yelling over the phone at this point, but you're still not responding.

"Y/N!! FUCK," he yells, almost to tears, vigorously pushing his back against the seat as he continues the drive.

and when seonghwa sees your familiar vehicle in the far distance from his windscreen, he swerves his steering wheel to turn to the side. he doesn't care if he's too far to stop. he roughly slams his hand to the gear for adjustment and swiftly releases his seatbelt, stepping out of the door and slamming it behind him. he leaves his car resting diagonally out of the highway, half onto the grass, because he really doesn’t care about anything else right now.

he runs desperately towards you in the soft moonlight.

it was windy and cold while he’s wearing nothing but a thin shirt and trousers, when he appeared outside your car door, finally laying his eyes through the window.

his heart stops for a little bit, seeing you for the first time in what felt like ages.

he finds that you're asleep, and he's so relieved that you're safe. yet what currently alters him more is your mere presence right upon him. you look so fragile and so small, your knees huddled to your chest, and his stomach twists. you're prettier than he could ever remember.

and he misses you so, so much.

he gently knocks against your glass window.

and you gradually open your eyes to his panting, his wide eyed gaze, and the wind in his hair.

"y/n?"

he steps back as he watches your beautiful figure exit the car. you are thankfully wearing a thin jacket.

the moment you shut your car door, he walks over to you and engulfs you under a tight embrace.

oh how it felt for him, to hug you like this again.

"seonghwa."

he immediately noticed how you tensed up when he pulled your frame into his body, and he softly released you.

his heart breaks a little bit. he's so ashamed of his thoughtless actions.

he looks down at you, his heart twisting as he realised he was undeserving of your comfort, and takes a step back.

"my bad," he mutters under his breath, covering his face to accept the fact that he just messed up the moment he got to see you.

"no, don't worry. it's alright," you reply, smiling in a way which looks so obviously forced.

he doesn’t know what to say, as there was no excuse for the way he treated you. all he could do is look at you, noticing every little crack in your demeanour.

he guides you back to his car.

when you fell back into the structure of the road with him, the air was empty and silent.

you were unsettled of the vast tension.

"how are you doing?" you manage to say out loud, but even you flinch at your own words. a such normal phrase sounds so drastically different than it did before.

doing? how does he answer that question if he had done nothing for the past fifteen months and four days, supposedly since the day of when his love of his life had disappeared?

"i'm doing good. how about you?"

he swallows hard as he sees your lifeless expression through the corner of his eye.

he had always seen you uplifting and cheerful, yet right now he couldn’t fathom how you’re the same person. you appear so worn.

"i'm great. just a bit tired tonight."

he stares endlessly at the many lights flashing from his windscreen.

one could say it was awkward, but he is too dismantled to conclude this precious moment like that. he's happy enough that he gets to see you again, although he knows he shouldn't. but he hopes you feel the same too.

"how long were you there for?" seonghwa asks for an attempt to keep the conversation.

"well, since twelve."

he almost crashes to the car in front.

"what? are you alright?" he says. "the hell were you doing for four hours?"

"sorry. i mean.."

"no, why are you apologising? i'm just.. why are you-"

your instinct to apologise hits him greatly. seonghwa knew he was the reason for your anxiety, and he despises himself. he turns to you, and for a second, he sees all that he put you through.

"i should've listened to my friends," seonghwa tells you, broken in state. "you've done nothing but cause me stress."

he wants to throw up.

"what were you doing for four hours?? why did you have to wait four hours to call someone???" he asks with great worry.

"it was dark, and there was nobody i could contact. i called all my friends, and none responded. i assumed they were asleep."

although he is happier to find you again, it still hurts that his wound is severely reopened by this moment beside you alone. it hurts that he couldn't even blame your search for him. 

"i initially planned to wait until the next morning, but i lost patience. i called you, and you picked up almost instantly," you conclude.

after when you said the last sentence, he suddenly felt like you knew him too well.

perhaps you also knew that the sole reason he never falls asleep was because of you. because he is waiting for you. because he still loves you so much, he couldn't sleep bearing the thought of his feelings unrequited.

"you're safe now," he says.

you tighten, bringing your arms closer to yourself. "thank you so much. for this. seriously. i know i'm probably not the person you wanted to see."

"don't be sorry. please don't. i'm happy to see you again."

the moment was now quiet, but calming to the ears.

he felt lucky he didn't give up on the sunrise too soon. if fifteen dreadful months led to having an hour with you, he's more than grateful. 

he wonders if you feel the same. that you're happy too.

he wanted to convince himself that maybe you lied when you said you couldn’t afford a tow truck. that maybe, just maybe, you wanted to see him again.

"are you hungry?" he asks to fill the air. you must be.

"no," you reply.

"lets stop to eat."

"no, it's okay. i'm not hungry."

"you lie too much. you've been stuck in some damn car for half a lifetime. we're eating, yeah?" he says, and there's no stopping him.

truthfully, he did not care if you were uncomfortable eating with him. he felt selfish, inconsiderate. he panicked when he watched the gps get closer and closer to you're place. he only wanted to use this chance to find more time with you regardless, because he knew you would never come back to loving him no matter how hard he tries.

"fine," you admit. but it sounded like you really wanted to stop to eat with him. and he wanted to believe that.

"what about convenience store food?" he says.

he knows you love miniature food. it's far more accessible to have many small packs of diverse dishes, rather than otherwise.

you smile, and his heart flutters ballistic.

you laugh once you walk into the bright, empty store with him.

"i want sushi… i really craved sushi," you say, pointing to the aisle.

"of course you do," he smiles, following you.

you take a compact sized pack that's fairly cheap, and now it starts.

he waits there in the corner as you run around the small store, taking almost anything you think looks good. he watches you far happier than before, and he felt something in his chest that wasn't fear. more so, it felt like he finally released all that he carried.

seonghwa felt alive again for the first time after fifteen months.

"this!!" you suddenly come into sight, holding about six or seven packets of food that you almost struggled to carry.

"you want that?" he chuckles. "alright."

there was no queue, so he went straight over with you to pay. seonghwa gets nothing but a small coffee.

if he could at least be your friend again, there's nothing more that he could ever want.

he leads you out of the place, back into the car. he held the door for you.

"thank you," you say. "thank you so much."

"don't worry," he replies.

once he gets in the car, he views you opening your food. although he used to recognise himself as a mass eater, he doesn't remember the last time he did. his body is destroyed with nothing but coffee and water.

and when he starts driving, he watches you enjoy your food. he softens more than ever at the sight. 

"want some?" you ask, holding out a whole ice cream tub you're just scooping with a spoon. you're quite of a silly person.

seonghwa laughs. "i'm driving."

sooner or later, you hold up the same spoon of vanilla ice cream to his face. his heart beats faster before he takes a bite out.

"shove it in," you laugh at the way he's struggling. 

he tries his hardest not to laugh in order to properly eat the ice cream.

"goodness, you're so peculiar," he says after he managed to consume the load.

"no, you are," you say. "youre the strangest person i know."

he smiles and turns to you for a second, unable to say anything. "well, i dont eat my ice cream off its tub."

"i dont eat four ramen packets at once," you rebut, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"oh be quiet right now," he replies.

you laugh, scooping another piece straight from the tub.

"i don't care about that. i know its impossible, but i want to believe its possible," you say, with the eyes of the most warmth so generously offered to him.

and there the two are, acting as though nothing had happened between them, acting as two lovers.

˖ ࣪⭑

he follows you to the apartment complex you stay in, and he's unable to let you go.

as you say your farewells walk away into the building, he catches your wrist, and you turn around.

"i still love you. im sorry i messed up before," he whispers to you. he steps closer as he takes his slightly trembling fingers to guide a stray hair behind your ear.

you didn't expect the sudden confession. "seonghwa.."

he shuts his mouth. the way you hesitate sort of leaves him uneasy. he stops to look at you, to cherish this little time he has with you. who knows if this will be the last time he sees you?

no matter how far it hurts him to admit, he couldn't deny how beautiful you are.

"can we try again?" he says almost mindlessly. he felt like he lost everything with that sentence, and wishes he could take it back.

it was silent for only a moment. those few seconds were more anticipating than he had ever felt, he wishes he were gone.

you looked down, as though trying to find what to say. there was nothing but ringing in his ear, until you answered, "i’m interested in somebody else."

"im sorry," he mutters, shamefully pulling away. he covers half his face with his palms to look down upon for a second. it's shattering when he absorbs all your words, burrowing them deep under his anguished heart.

you moved on already?

"its okay." you reply.

who is this new man? is it your really close colleague he never liked? or your guy that's always been part of your friend group?

"why is it so hard for you to just trust me?" you yell, and it seems as the glass tipped over.

he lets go of his arms. "who is this guy?" he asks, almost instictively. he spoke more aggressively than he intended.

"i don't think you're obligated to know."

he tightens his eyes shut.

so fast. you’re so fast. everyone is so fast. it had been fifteen months, yet he’s still in the same place he was in those fifteen months ago.

you’re moving on, while he had stopped. how does he fill the gap that does not shrink?

you’ve really given up on him.

you like someone else.

it's all over.

he subtly bites his lip, stepping back. he couldn't even look at you anymore. "well, i..." he barely mumbles, his voice trembling. "i really wish i could be the man you fell in love with again. i really do."

you almost flinch, looking away from him. you couldn't believe he could say such a thing. you seemed like you pitied him, for how vulnerable he currently reveals to you. "i’m sorry. just... leave me alone for a bit, yeah?"

it felt like knives to his heart. "you want me to leave?"

his voice is breaking. he looks back up to you, trying so hard to find a hint in your expression that you wanted to take it back, even a tiny hint, but he couldn’t.

"if thats okay," you say, as he freezes at your words. he felt like he said something he shouldn't have. what if this is the last time? what if this is really the last encounter? is this the moment everything is said?

“okay. then i'll.. then i'll see you,” his voice slightly trembles.

"im sorry. i'll see you," you reply, watching him leave.

"i wish i was strong enough. for us,” he says.

seonghwa steps back, and follows hesitantly. he stares to the cold, stone ground, exiting the complex as all his instincts scream against him.

the way you speak is destroying him piece by piece. he doesn't want to step any further away from you. he could never accept that you no longer love him. but if this is what you choose, he couldn't really do anything.

his love for you is overflowing in his hands. who else could he give this to if you refuse it? it hurts to carry.

its okay. he’s is willing to wait more for you. for something to happen again.

but how long will it take?

[laura1633]

laura, i just read that bit about how the silverstone crash affected max so much. i have so many feels rn. unfortunately, i was not a fan of f1 back in 2021. i just want to wrap maxie in the fluffiest blanket and hold him tight until he feels the love so many people have for him. want to feed him warm tomato soup just the way he likes it and tell him over and over again that he's good enough and deserves so much more than the world offers him. he deserves more love. he is enough. just want to tell him that it is fine, darling. we are all human. sorry for the long rant. as i said, lots of feels.

No need to apologise at all anon. I have very similar feelings which is why I end up writing so many fics where Max gets so much love and praise. It's why I also love writing him as an omega getting fussed over and looked after. He deserves to be wrapped up in the fluffiest blanket and fed the best tomato soup!!

I have gone on a very long rant below the cut 😂 -warning for talk about Silverstone and the 2021 season but ending on a positive note.

Silverstone was an awful accident, the way it was discussed afterwards honestly showed the worst side of F1 to me. I do genuinely think that the impact of it was downplayed a lot. People seemed to have the impression that as it was Max it was "deserved" or "bound to happen at some point". I won't even go into the worst comments but they were vile, including some comments from people within F1 teams.

I cried so, so much when Max won that championship. I don't think I have ever been that emotional about a sporting event in my whole life but he so deserved it. He drove amazingly all season long under immense pressure placed on him both on and off the track.

I think Max has been treated unfairly for most of his career. He jumped into an F1 car when he was 17 so he made mistakes and had to mature on track. Some people will not let him forget any of those mistakes whereas I think other drivers have been given much more forgiveness. The reception Max got from some drivers was not as welcoming at it should have been to a literal child!

Netflix drive to survive also did not help, they completely mischaracterised him in order to make an entertainment show packaged up as a documentary and so people believed what they were seeing as fact.

Then we have the fact that Max has been up against British racing drivers when the bulk of the reporting press is British. The reporting over Austria 2024 gives an insight into how it can be!

However, it's not all doom and gloom and I do believe Max knows how much support he has. There are large groups of people who travel all over the world to support him, he has grandstands in multiple races, he even has his own store(s?) in the Netherlands. He is truly loved by so many fans.

I have been lucky enough to go Spa and Zandvoort and seen the love people have for him. On the walk from the station to the track in Zandvoort I was actually a little emotional because there were decorations lining the way and Max flags and people blaring music. It was a celebration not just for F1 but for their driver. It was a wonderful experience. They even named the trains going to the race the 'Max Express'. I am only saying all this because I think that sometimes it can seem that he is not popular but he really is. He is loved and supported by huge groups of people.

Sorry, when someone mentions Max I can't stop talking!!! I have so much to say I could talk for hours 😂

[killerlookz]

OTP questions | Heartbeat! AU edition

haiii guys ^_^ its my bday week so i thought id do something fun (granted if people participate hahah) im a little too busy to write full fics rn so... here we are :3

ive included some "OTP" asks ive sourced across the web, and decided i wanted to apply them to the heartbeat! au (one million percent inspired by @joosthead 's normal au otp questionary)

anyways.... i decided it would be fun to write about the little nuances of heartbeat! joost and reader's relationship that might not be addressed through regular fics... so if there's anything you'd like to know about our favorite toxic couple... ask away - separated by SFW and NSFW asks

see already answered asks here | asks in red have already been answered.

❤︎ SFW ASKS ❤︎

1. Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

2. Who takes photos of the other while they sleep?

3. Who said "I love you" first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with "Because I love you"?

4. Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

5. Who steals the Blanket?

6. Who Cusses more?

7. Who is More Cuddly?

8. Who is the one to do something the other told them not to?

9. Who is more emotional/cries more?

10. Who is More possessive?

11. Who gets jealous easily?

12. Who is more protective?

13. do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what?

14. who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize?

15. which one has more insecurities? over what?

16. who gets more riled up? do they show their anger?

17. who tries to make up first? does it work?

18. do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other?

19. what's their favorite pass time when they're upset?

20. who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other?

21. is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest?

22. who grieves more when the other is away?

23. who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more?

24. do either of them have the other's stuff lying around their house?

25. how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)?

26. do either of them have any vices?

27. what's the thing they miss most about each other?

28. what's their go-to breakup/angst song?

29. who's more jealous?

30. who is the first to forgive?

31. which is more afraid of confrontation?

32. who's more patient? is it hard to break that patience?

33. who's more likely to do something out of spite?

34. who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it?

35. who worries more?

36. who's quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated?

37. who is more prone to anger?

38. who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry?

39. does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling?

40. who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other?

41. who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all?

42. do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork?

❤︎ NSFW ASKS ❤︎

43. What is their favorite part of their s/o’s body?

44. Are they adventurous in bed?

45. Do their sex drives match?

46. What is their favorite intimately sexual thing to do to their partner?

47. What is their favorite intimately non-sexual thing to do with their partner?

48. What is the one thing their partner can do that will automatically turn them on?

49. Do they keep it in the bedroom or just do wherever they happen to be?

50. What is their favorite position with their s/o?

51. Are they into dirty talk?

52. Clothes on or off?

53. Are they into bondage at all?

54. Are they comfortable talking to each other about their fantasies and desires?

55. Have they ever been caught having sex?

56. About how many times a week do they have sex?

57. Do they sext/send naughty pictures/write each other steamy loves notes?

58. Are they loud or quiet?

59. Do they like to play games or tease each other before sex or even foreplay?

60. Who is always horny and will have sex, at any place and at any time?

61. Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

62. Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

63. Who acts tough, but actually is really submissive?

i'll probably keep these asks up for a little while :3 happy asking!

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 15

chapter 26: (check tags for triggers)

1. james’ stab wound will heal, but of course he’s gonna have to use a cane for the rest of his life. my poor darling. but also! CHARACTERS WITH DISABILITIES THAT WONT BE ERASED!!! HELL YEAH!

2. this nurse is pissing me off. sirius is asking if james and reg are gonna be okay, and all she can talk about it appearances and scars. not if they’ll be okay

3. sirius and reg are reunited. thank god. this is what the world needs

4. “"I love you. You're my brother; of course I love you. Always have, always will, and nothing—absolutely nothing in this world could ever change that, do you hear me? You're enough for me, and I love you. Never, never fucking doubt that."” AHHHHHHHHHHHHH reg needed to hear that so bad, and james needed to say it so bad

5. 😧😟 reg is vomitting blood. yikes. wow. that’s yikes. it’s not even HIS BLOOD that he’s vomiting. and i wanna know who’s blood filled that river. i want to know who was killed to make blood for that river

6. “”It's fine. I didn't even like this shirt.” (Sirius really liked this shirt.)” 😭😭

7. 😊 siblings! sirius wipes reg’s face, and reg threatens to vomit on him again

8. reg questioning if he actually made it out. that breaks both mine and sirius’ heart. “"I—I thought it made sense, because why would I have scars if I was dead?””

9. reg breaking down and sobbing to his brother. wow. i- wow

10. gosh, remus and sirius are already like a married couple. i love them

11. regulus would just wake up and ask for james. that hurts. in no way was my experience any where near as bad, but i know it must suck to wake up, calling for someone, and them not to be there. when i woke up from wisdom tooth surgery, i called out for my mom many times, and the nurses jsut told me to be quiet, and i can’t see her. i was so distressed that i cried. my pain is not anywhere like james or reg’s but i know that it sucks.

12. sobbing. reg needs to shower, but doesn’t want to get in the water. he’s scared of the water. like wow

13. god, james wakes up and starts fighting people. he never should have had to go through that.

14. james is begging to see regulus, and regulus begged to NOT see james. idk how zar could have hurt me any more, but here we are

15. james and sirius have matching scars! that’s horrific! but! they’re matching!

16. sirius’ words before james went into the arena. we get to know them. and it’s both healing to know the memory, but also hurts like a motherfucking truck

17. sirius asking for remus to kiss him! consent!

18. shit. remus realized he loved sirius. like. loved him. wolfstar better be granted happiness in this universe

19. authors end note: “you think regulus is unhinged? sirius is so, so much worse 😳”

chapter 27:

1. god, regulus needs to take a shower. he must STINK. but also, i do not blame him for not wanting to

2. i appreciate remus’ honestly. he will not dance around the point with reg, and honestly, that’s what he needs

3. oh my god. is remus gonna get reg to take a bath? honestly, if anyone could do it, it would be remus. nobody else could do it

4. remus sharing the petty hallow drama 😭😭

5. james and sirius friendship is all i need in this life

6. oh wow. sirius is hurt that james never told him about his crush on regulus. not that james likes regulus. i love when fics do that instead of sirius being angry

7. i love that it’s no issue for james and sirius to share a bed. they need comfort. they share. that’s that.

8. sirius not letting james have a drink cause he knows it’s a slippery slope >>>>>>

9. ✨remus lupin✨

10. 😧 reg but sirius as a reflex from the arena. and immediately apologized. he’s never hit sirius before. and wow. that-

11. sirius is admitting something he never even told james. that he accidentally hit effie. and 😧😧😧

12. AWWWW REMUS CALLED JAMES SWEETHEART

13. honorable mention for all pandora did in this chapter. she is a lifesaver, she is a queen, she is a goddess, and she deserves so much

[fanficshiddles]

Eternally Mine, Chapter 17

Note: This chapter was written for @toshisurtsdottir Thank you for jumping down this rabbit hole of a fic with me, and for trusting me with Toshi!

‘Are you alright, my love?’

Toshi tore herself from her own thoughts, she looked up at Severus who had entered the bathroom with a clean towel straight out of the dryer. She was in the bath, getting all the blood off her from the events at the harbour.

‘I am. Thank you, for helping tonight.’ She smiled at him.

Severus smiled too and crouched down at the side of the bath, he reached out and cupped her cheek, softly stroking her cheek with his thumb. ‘You know I would do anything for you, you don’t need to thank me.’

‘I’m just glad that they’re finally gone. I feel for all those poor girls, I dread to think what they went through.’ Toshi said sadly as she looked down.

‘They don’t need to be scared ever again, thanks to you.’ Severus said proudly.

‘I didn’t go into any details, but I told Chris about those two guys. He knew there was something…’ Toshi said quietly.

‘Are you worried about him telling others?’ Severus asked as he started sliding his fingers through her hair.

‘No. Is it weird that I trust him the most out of your friends?’ Toshi asked as she closed her eyes, enjoying Severus’ touch against her scalp.

‘Not my friends.’ Severus drawled, making Toshi giggle a little. ‘No, I wouldn’t say it was weird. He is changing since finding Louise, but even before, he has always been a respectable vampire. He never told them about us, after all, even when he was being an asshole.’

‘That’s true.’ Toshi nodded.

‘Now, come on. Let’s get you dried off and into bed. I’m hungry for a different kind of meal now.’ Severus growled low, making Toshi’s stomach lurch excitedly.

Severus helped her out of the bathtub and wrapped the towel around her, he helped to dry her off. When she put the towel down, Severus gently kissed her lips and then slid his hands down her sides, making her tremble.

‘Such beauty.’ He murmured and crouched down on front of her, he pressed gentle, sensual kisses along her abdomen, where a large scar ran across her skin.

Toshi closed her eyes, she was melting completely. He always made her feel so loved and wanted, cherishing every inch of her body. Including her scars, that she hated so much, every one was a painful reminder of her past.

Severus slid his hands down her thighs, gently caressing her skin and sliding over more scars.

‘Such beauty, that is all mine.’ Severus growled as his lips wandered further down, he carefully lifted her thigh up and draped it over his shoulder. Toshi let out a small gasp as she grabbed his hair for something to hold on to.

His mouth covering her cunt had her whimpering, she had already been a little aroused all evening due to seeing him fight, seeing him so powerful but knowing how gentle he could be with her always sent her body into overdrive.

‘Sev…’ She whined as his tongue moved slowly at first, teasing her and lapping gently over her clit. He dug his fingers deep into the backs of her thighs as he ate her out, growling like a feral animal.

Her legs began to tremble, if he hadn’t been holding her and supporting one of her legs over his shoulder, she knew she would’ve fallen to the floor by now.

‘Fuck… I… I need to cum.’ She cried, her grip in his hair tightened.

‘Not yet.’ He snarled before diving back in to his feast.

She both loved and hated when he did this, making it so difficult for her to hold off. When she felt him ease off slightly, she began panting in desperation. Though then she felt his sharp fangs emerge, slowly trailing against her inner thigh before he covered her cunt with his mouth again. While he licked at her clit in circles, she could feel the sharp points of his fangs at either side of her folds.

As soon as his tongue moved a little faster over her clit, she lost control completely and started cumming on his tongue. Severus wanted to pull back as punishment, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. So he kept going, pushing her orgasm on for longer till she was trying to scramble off his face.

He laughed wickedly when he eventually relented and helped her to stand properly, he stood up and pulled her flush against his body, she could feel his own arousal hard against her stomach. His fangs were still on show, setting her body on fire all over again.

‘Naughty girl, cumming on my tongue without permission… Whatever will I do with you?’ He hummed and let his fangs trail over her neck.

‘You could fuck me senseless… or feed from me… or both… as punishment, of course.’ Toshi said as she fluttered her eyelashes at him.

Severus slid a hand down her back to claim her bum, he squeezed her firmly with a large hand. ‘I should spank you… but your ideas are better.’

Before Toshi could even process what he’d said, he had her thrown over his shoulder and carried her through to their bed. Her mind was still spinning from her orgasm, but it didn’t help when Severus quickly removed his clothes and climbed over the top of her, forcing her down with his body.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her deeply, positioning himself between her legs and pressing his cock against her softness. He chuckled against her when her tongue slid into his mouth and felt along his teeth, seeking out his fangs.

He took his time teasing her a bit more, rubbing his cock up and down her folds, sliding over her already sensitive clit. Then, finally, after what felt like hours for Toshi, he slowly sank into her. Making them both gasp together, it always felt like they were just made to fit together.

Severus began moving his hips against her, eating up her moans with every thrust. They were both still high on adrenaline from earlier, so it wasn’t long before they could feel one another getting close.

As much as Severus loved the taste of her lips, he moved his attentions to her neck, sucking hard to mark the spot…

‘Please.’ Toshi whimpered.

God, Severus just loved how he could reduce her to such a pleading mess beneath him. She was so confident and powerful on the outside, taking out vampires and hunters with ease. Though with him, she let her guard down completely. Letting him take control, showing her most vulnerable side to him only.

He was close to cumming as he sank his teeth into her neck, making her cry out in delight as the sharp pain mixed with the pleasure.

As he started drinking her blood, causing her mind to go hazy and her body to fall weak, she clenched hard around him as she came. His cock was hitting all the right spots within her, it felt like her whole body was on fire.

Severus came hard deep inside her, he let out a groan of pleasure as he released her neck, his fangs dripping with her blood. The sweet taste of her slid down his throat, making his eyes roll back.

He collapsed on the bed at the side of her, half on top of her. She didn’t pass out, but had been close to. All she managed to do was curl herself up against him, with an arm around him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her too and held her close against him.

‘I love you, my darling.’ He said softly as he kissed the top of her head.

‘I love you too.’ She whispered back, before drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

[starstruckodysseys]

20 questions for 20 writers !!

thank u to @localdisasterisk for tagging me in this! i honestly do not know how many writers i follow so um. ill tag my pibe fic besties @wheelsupin-azarathmetrionzinthos @angelwiththeblue-box @fatestitcherr @incorrect-play-it-by-ear and the rest of u can fight amongst yourselves

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

48. i don’t know if its more concerning that almost half of them are from the past five months or that almost half are play it by ear. its the same almost half but still

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

143,389. woof

3. what fandoms do you write for?

obviously play it by ear. everyone knows that. also d20 occasionally and project sekai. unfortunately

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

toya and mizuki’s step by step guide to romancing a shinonome — i will be so real with you guys i specifically crafted this one to be popular. and then i fell in love with it along the way. but it did start as a science experiment

let me take you with me (just like this) — WHY. this is my second pjsekai fic and my fourth fic ever posted. it’s not at all reflective of my current style. help

kiss it better — yeah. same issue as the other one. this one’s better though lmao

say you miss me (say you want to kiss me) — honestly? just impressed a honakana fic made it up this high. love my girlies

the moon is crumbling (but that’s okay) — yeah everyone pretend to be surprised the ruikasa fic got this high up. it was a new concept for me, though, so i’m pretty proud of that

5. do you respond to comments?

i used to, but not really anymore unfortunately. to be fair, i will point you all to the fact that most of my recent fics are pibe, and then to the discord where we all scream about them together

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don’t usually. write sad endings. bc i don’t like them. okay that’s not true i just usually don’t. i guess the moon is crumbling?? if i had to choose?? it’s more bittersweet than anything, but people did say they cried, so…

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99.9% of my fics are getting together fics. it’s just the same ending a million different ways. you tell me

8. do you get hate on your fics?

not publicly!

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i would simply be too powerful if i could. this is for your safety actually

10. do you write crossovers?

in the sense of characters across universes/media interacting? no. in the sense of “i am going to put my blorbos in every single other setting i slightly enjoy”? absolutely. putting them under a microscope. researching and recording how they react to their surroundings

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

i simply do not think there is a demand for my fics in other languages. not in like a depressing way, it’s just that i’m writing for like five people including myself, so. yknow

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, but if someone wanted to… 👀

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

i’ve never written for them (yet, at least), but by sheer volume and span of time i have to say souyo persona4. my silly boys. i’ve never scoured the entire tag for a ship multiple times on ao3 like i have for them. i have so many thoughts about them that have never seen the light of day but they exist!!

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stares awkwardly at feed your anger like fire… i’ve tried!! but it turns out that sometimes you get stuck on clothing designs and stop writing and then lose passion for the project and then stop updating for three years because you were too ambitious and also you hate your old writing style. not that i would know anything about that

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m really good at dialogue, or at least banter. unfortunately this makes me very judgmental but that’s not important. also i can create a vibe well i’ve been told

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

in general? i SUCK at character description, or at least knowing where and when to place it. i also always worry about characterization and if my characters sound too similar

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i used to read so many fics that centered around using another language (shoutout bmc fandom when i was. in that. a dark period of my life, but alas) and honestly if it’s done well i think it’s cool!! i’m not going to get into the intricacies of bilingualism on account of being an english only speaker but it is rad to me

19. first fandom you wrote for?

wrote for? probably warriors. yes the cats. i had a whole fanfic for my oc. shoutout to… honestly i don’t remember her name but she was a real one! wrote for and posted is another story, by which i mean i don’t remember At All. probably bandori tbh, bc i don’t remember if i posted fanfic on my wattpad

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

either the venn diagram of curses and crushes (which is still my favorite fic title ever) or soaking in the glory. one of them is a 3k word expedition into the play it by ear canon space and the other is a 7k word fever dream i went into a fugue state to write in two days. honorable mention to the like the sweetest cup of chai series which i hold so close to my heart. silliest besties of all time

[scary-grace]

Love Like Ghosts (Chapter 9) - a Shigaraki x f!Reader fic

You knew the empty house in a quiet neighborhood was too good to be true, but you were so desperate to get out of your tiny apartment that you didn't care, and now you find yourself sharing space with something inhuman and immensely powerful. As you struggle to coexist with a ghost whose intentions you're unsure of, you find yourself drawn unwillingly into the upside world of spirits and conjurers, and becoming part of a neighborhood whose existence depends on your house staying exactly as it is, forever. But ghosts can change, just like people can. And as your feelings and your ghost's become more complex and intertwined, everything else begins to crumble. (cross-posted to Ao3)

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21

Chapter 9

There’s something wrong with your house, but you knew that when you bought it, and lately it feels like the thing that’s wrong with your house is you. You’re constantly uneasy, at work and at home, to the point where Phantom glues herself to your side and cries when you try to leave. Tomura hovers. You can tell he wants things from you – more touches, more kissing, more sex – but with half the neighborhood out hunting conjurers, the insect deliveries have mostly dried up. Most of the time, mustering up a voice and a set of hands is the most he can do.

The conjurer hunt is on. Keigo’s taking time off from work, and whatever Spinner and Jin usually do during the day, they’ve put it on hold. Every morning, you or Aizawa or Jin’s mom gives the three of them and Atsuhiro a ride to the train station, where they get on separate trains, each taking a different route to the same destination. They’re checking cities and towns off the list, one by one, starting close to home and working their way outwards. They get back later and later every day.

Jin’s mom doesn’t like it. Magne doesn’t like it. Dabi especially doesn’t like it, given the clouds of smoke that are constantly billowing from Keigo’s house, and eventually you and Hizashi are dispatched to deal with it. Hizashi’s there for the intimidation factor. You’re not sure why you’re involved. “You’re close with Keigo,” Hizashi says with a shrug, when you ask him. “Hard to tell, but Dabi’s not thrilled with how things have been going there lately. Knowing you and Keigo might talk about him might make him behave a little better.”

“Oh.”

“That’s the theory, anyway,” Hizashi says. He bangs on the door with a closed fist. “Open up, Toasty. We need to talk.”

“Fuck off.”

“No can do. You’re about to get the fire department called on you,” Hizashi says. “How are you going to explain that one to your human when he gets home?”

“Like I’d know. He’s never here.” Dabi’s face appears in the front window, and a moment later the door cracks open. “He saw his first chance to get away from me and bolted.”

You can’t stop the incredulous laugh that sneaks out of your mouth. “He’s out there hunting your conjurer. What about that says he’s trying to get away?”

“I didn’t ask him to do that.”

“No, he volunteered.” Hizashi leans hard against the door and shoves it open. “You’re acting even dumber than the guy across the street, and that’s really saying something.”

“Hey,” you say listlessly. “Don’t talk shit about my ghost. He came up with the plan.”

“The plan that might get my human killed,” Dabi says.

“The plan that might save your ass,” Hizashi corrects, flicking Dabi in the forehead and ignoring the smoke that starts to leak into the air. “Enough with this little fit you’re throwing. Things are this way with your human because you made them this way. Your human treats you different than she treats her ghost because of you. If you want any of that to change, you need to get it together.”

“I’m not embodying,” Dabi says. “You can’t make me.”

“You can do better even if you don’t embody yourself,” you say. Dabi makes a disparaging noise. “Not lighting the house on fire would be a good start.”

“Why do you do that, anyway?” Hizashi is fully inside Keigo’s house now, and even though you know it’s going to drive Tomura up the wall, you follow him in. “Oof, this place smells. Have you ever heard of air freshener?”

You survey the front room of Keigo’s house. It’s messy. There’s a basket of laundry sitting on the couch, unfolded but clean as evidenced by the used dryer sheet sticking out of a sock on top. While Hizashi continues to hold forth on the odor of the house, you investigate further, checking out the kitchen. It’s also messy. There are clean dishes in the dishwasher and dirty dishes in the sink, and based on the state of the stove, Keigo’s been living on instant noodles, frozen vegetables, and not much else. You think of the time you were sick, of Tomura’s clumsy but well-intentioned efforts to help, and feel an unexpected wave of sadness.

It crystallizes into resolve a moment later. You head back to the front room and target Dabi directly. “Get in here. You’re going to learn how to do the dishes.”

“What?”

Dabi sounds baffled, and Hizashi is hooting with laughter. You raise your voice to be heard over him. “You want things to be better with Keigo, you have to do stuff,” you say. “Just not burning down the house isn’t enough. You have to help out. Don’t just say you want things to change. Make them change.”

“Like a man,” Hizashi says, still cackling. “This is what real men do.”

Dabi looks skeptical. You weigh the risk of the statement you’re considering, then decide to hell with it. “Tomura knows how to do all this stuff already.”

It’s quiet for a second. “If your useless virgin of a ghost can do it, so can I,” Dabi states, which sets Hizashi off again. “Teach me how.”

You’re tempted to tell him that Tomura figured it out on his own, but you also don’t want Keigo to have to deal with some of the mistakes Tomura made. “Let’s start with the dishwasher.”

After the dishwasher, you go through proper dishwashing technique, stressing the importance of cleaning up whatever mess gets made in the process. “It’s not helping if there’s still a mess afterward,” Hizashi advices from the kitchen table, where he’s going through Keigo’s record collection. “Shou and me went through that with cleaning the litterbox. It was bad.”

Dabi bitches his way through the dishes, but you think he’s grasped the basics. After that, you move onto laundry – or rather, Hizashi moves on to laundry, because you get a brief flash of what Tomura will do when he finds out you’ve been touching Keigo’s and possibly Dabi’s underwear and decide you don’t want to deal with that. While they’re working on it, you head back across the street to retrieve a spare air freshener from your house. Tomura pounces on you the instant you step through the gate. “What are you doing over there?”

“Trying to teach Dabi some life skills so Keigo doesn’t have to live in a dungeon,” you say. Tomura’s more materialized than he’s been in a while, just slightly more than insubstantial as he tangles himself around you. “I should be done soon.”

“You’re not going back.”

“I’m going back,” you say.”

“No, you’re not!”

“I am, and here’s why. Keigo is my friend. He’s trying to help everybody. You don’t care about everybody, but I do, and I don’t think my friend should have to live in a house like that with a ghost that treats him that badly.” You dig up an air freshener, plus a scented candle, ignoring Tomura’s attempts to reel you back in. “The only reason Dabi’s going along with it is because I told him that you know how to do this stuff already.”

It’s quiet for a second. “He’s not better than me,” Tomura says.

“You’re better than him. Keigo and Hizashi didn’t have to come over here and teach you how to do the laundry.” You head for the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

Tomura entangles you again, because Tomura’s an asshole, but he lets you go before you reach the gate. When you get back to Keigo’s house, Dabi and Hizashi are there, with a pile of folded laundry between them and identical weird looks on their faces. “What did you say to him?” Dabi demands. “He’s so full of himself –”

“Yeah, I haven’t experienced this level of concentrated smugness in a while,” Hizashi notes. He gives his head a shake, then shrugs it off. “You got the goods?”

You hand off the air freshener and the candle. “Light this up and start praying. I’m not sure how much of a dent it will make, but it’s better than nothing.”

You’re not really sure how well your lessons and Hizashi’s have stuck, and you’re not sure how Keigo’s going to feel about the fact that you were both in his house, bullying his ghost. You don’t even have a chance to warn him, since you’re not the one picking he and the others up from the train station tonight, and you find yourself watching anxiously from your front window as Keigo trudges up the stairs and into his house. “What are you worried about?” Tomura asks. “You did him a favor. He should thank you.”

“I shouldn’t have gotten into their relationship like that.” The idea of someone trying something similar on you and Tomura makes you almost as uncomfortable as the idea of raising the topic of you and Tomura in a formal relationship. “He might be mad. I’d understand if he was mad.”

“He should be grateful,” Tomura says. Your phone buzzes in your pocket. “I’ll make him thank you if he doesn’t.”

It’s Keigo’s number. You gulp, unlock your phone, and start reading the texts.

Keigo: so uh

Keigo: hypothetically

Keigo: did you go to my house while I was gone and replace Dabi with Hizashi in disguise

Keigo: because like

Keigo: the laundry got folded

Keigo: the kitchen is clean

Keigo: when I got inside he stole all my clothes so he could put them in the washing machine

Keigo: nothing is on fire except a SCENTED CANDLE

Keigo: what did you DO

Tomura is reading over your shoulder, and as he reaches the end of the text string, he bursts out into raspy laughter. Something twists in your chest hard and painful enough to knock the air out of your lungs. You don’t think you’ve ever heard Tomura laugh before, and you’re almost angry with yourself for how much you like how it sounds. “What’s funny?”

“He stole his human’s clothes.” Tomura snickers. “If I tried that on you you’d leave and never come back.”

You’re temporarily frozen with horror at the thought, but you break out of it by force to text Keigo back. Sorry. Me and Hizashi went over there because the house was a little too on fire, and when we saw what a mess it was we decided to try to help out.

So you did it, Keigo texts back. He’s saying he did it.

We told him what to do, but he did most of it, you explain. Sorry.

Don’t be sorry. Just like – how? He never does this shit. I have to beg him not to cut my brake lines and burn down the house.

You’ve got theories, but nothing definitive, you glance at Tomura, wondering if he knows, but either he doesn’t or he’s not telling. I’m not sure, you text. He really stole your clothes?

Two seconds after I got inside. I barely shut the door in time. Keigo texts again while you’re trying not to have a thing over Tomura’s renewed laughter. I would have texted you about it sooner except I was naked and it would have been weird.

Now you’re laughing, but Tomura isn’t. “He owes you now. You should make him do something.”

“I’d say we’re even.” You laugh-react to Keigo’s text and put your phone away. “He and everybody else here helped me a lot when it came to you. I want to help them out, too.”

“Him telling you things isn’t the same as you dealing with his bastard scar wraith all day,” Tomura says. “You did more. He owes you.”

“That’s not how it works,” you say. “People help each other for a lot of reasons. It’s not usually just so the other person will owe them. Is that why you help me sometimes?”

You regret the question the instant you ask it – enough that you take it back, out loud. “Sorry. Don’t answer that.”

“I –”

“Don’t.” You know you’re not handling this well. You just don’t know what else to do.

Realizing that you’ve got feelings for Tomura has been a disaster on every possible level. You thought admitting it to yourself might make things easier, but instead it’s unlocked a whole new circle of hell – one where you want things from him that you’ve got no business wanting, things you know he can’t give you, things he wouldn’t give you in a million years. Not being able to touch him at all makes it worse. You’ve never thought of yourself as being touch-starved, but there’s not really another word for it. You miss the cold. You miss him. And it’s pathetic, so you do everything you can to not think about it. The last thing you want is for someone to ask.

But apparently you’re not hiding it as well as you think you are, because Mr. Yagi takes one look at you the next morning and motions you into his office. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” you say, but it comes out watery and awful. “I’m fine, sir. It’s just, uh –”

What should you say? That it’s the time of the month? If you say that, Mr. Yagi will run for the hills, and you shouldn’t lie to him. “It’s ghost stuff,” you say, and Mr. Yagi nods sagely. “Things in the neighborhood are – hard right now.”

“I have something that might help,” Mr. Yagi says encouragingly. “Izuku’s completed his review of the files you’ve collected, and he’s hoping to present his findings to you in person.”

“Oh,” you say. “Um, okay. I don’t know if the neighborhood –”

“You’ll come to our neighborhood,” Mr. Yagi says. You blink. “This evening, for dinner. Izuku will present his findings to you and you can eat a meal in a place that isn’t so obviously haunted. Inko tells me that constant observation wears on a person.”

You’re so used to it by this point that you barely notice. It’s the explanations that start to wear on you. Lately Tomura’s been interested in what you’re eating, and you’ve been stuck trying to describe taste to someone who can really only grasp texture. It would be nice to go one night without having to explain that lettuce tastes like green but salmon doesn’t taste like pink. Mr. Yagi raises his eyebrows. “Well?”

“Thank you, sir,” you say. “I’d like that.”

“Excellent!” Mr. Yagi beams at you. “You have my address from the office party two years ago, yes? We haven’t moved.”

“Um – you might need to send it again.” You have a bad habit of deleting your old texts.

Mr. Yagi sends you his address and you add it to his contact in your phone. And while you’re in your contacts, you realize that there’s a contact you’re missing – and a ghost who’s going to have questions when you don’t show up after work. You still haven’t gotten around to getting Tomura a phone, which means you’re going to need someone to go talk to him. Somebody he’s not going to try to kill. You’d send Spinner or Keigo, but they’re both on the mission, and introducing Hizashi into the equation is a recipe for disaster. If you ask Shinsou for help, Hizashi and Aizawa will murder you. That just leaves –

Wondering what in the hell you’re doing, you text Magne for the first time ever. Hi. Would you be okay letting Tomura borrow your phone for a second?

You’re not entirely sure what Magne does during the day. Whatever her job is, it’s remote work – but it must be a slow period, because she texts you back right away. What does he need it for?

I won’t be back until late and I need to let him know.

Magne sends you a truly bizarre collection of emojis. That’s so cute! What time should I bring it over?

Noon, you say. Thanks, Magne. I owe you one.

A little bird name Himiko tells me you have a Sephora credit card. I’ll be expecting a top-tier birthday gift.

The ghosts don’t have real birthdays, so they celebrate either the day they were summoned or the day they were embodied. You’re not sure which one Magne picked, but Spinner definitely knows. You’ll ask him. You got it.

Your lunch break starts at noon, and your phone rings from Magne’s number at approximately 12:02. “You’re on speaker,” Magne shouts at you. Then: “I’ve got your human on the phone! She wants to talk to you. Let me in the yard!”

“Just throw it,” Tomura shouts back.

“This is an iPhone! I’m not throwing it anywhere!”

“I don’t care what kind of phone it is. You’re not coming in my yard.”

“Tomura,” you call out, trying to simultaneously be loud and keep any of your coworkers from overhearing this nightmare, “go up to the fence and borrow the phone from Magne. And don’t run away with it. Otherwise I’m going to have to buy her the entire Sephora franchise for her birthday.”

Magne cackles at that, but when she speaks, she’s not talking to you. “There you are! It’s a shame you’ve been hiding in that house all this time. You’re much cuter when you’re – you know, all there.”

“I’m not cute,” Tomura says. You’re smiling to yourself for about three seconds before he speaks up again. “My human said I’m pretty.”

Based on the cacophony on the other end of the line, Magne’s phone mission picked up an audience. Or maybe she gave it an audience. You can hear Hizashi cackling like a goblin, Shinsou snorting with laughter, and some squeaky little Eri giggles, which would all be really funny if it was happening to anybody else. Tomura’s on the same page as you are about it. “Why are you laughing?”

“She’s not wrong,” Himiko says from somewhere in the offing. The whole neighborhood is there, apparently. “You’re really pretty, Tomura! It’s only funny because boys usually say that to girls, not the other way around.”

“Honestly, we should use it the other way around more often,” Hizashi says. He projects his voice at a volume that makes your ears start ringing through the phone. “I for one could stand to be called pretty at least four times a day.”

He’s speaking so loudly that Aizawa can probably hear him from their house at the top of the street. “Dad, that’s gross,” Shinsou complains.

“I think it’s nice,” Eri chimes in. “I like being pretty. My hair and my eyes look like Tomura’s, so Tomura must be pretty, too!”

“Okay,” you say loudly, trying to regain control of the situation, “my lunch break’s not forever, and I really do need to talk to Tomura, so –”

“Of course! Shoo, shoo!” Magne hopes into action. You’d better start saving for Magne’s birthday gift yesterday. “Here. The phone. I’ll be in my house. Just shout when you’re ready to give it back!”

“I’ll just throw it. That’s faster.”

“He won’t throw it,” you say. Magne makes some kind of agreeing sound and leaves. Tomura must have the phone now, but he’s not saying anything. “Are you there?”

“Am I supposed to say you’re pretty?”

You facepalm with the hand that’s not holding the phone. “No,” you say. “Not unless you think so. I said you were pretty because that’s what I think. And that’s not why I called you.”

“Why did you call me?”

You brace yourself. “I won’t be back until later tonight. Later than usual. I wanted to let you know.”

“Why?”

“I’m meeting someone who has information. About the second conjurer.”

“Who?” Tomura’s voice darkens so abruptly that a chill goes down your spine. “I don’t need you to tell me. I’ll find them. I’ll –”

“It’s my boss’s son. He’s fifteen. He’s been looking at the same documents I have, except he actually has time to read them.”

It’s quiet for a second. “You could have said it was a kid,” Tomura says reproachfully, and you almost laugh. “Your boss the ghost has a kid?”

“I don’t really know how that worked.” You don’t want to know, either, and you really don’t want Tomura asking questions about it, so you change the subject fast. “I’m going over there after work and I’ll be back when I can. Are you okay to feed Phantom, or should I ask someone to –”

“I’ll do it. She’s our dog.” Tomura cuts you off. “Don’t be stupid. And be careful.”

You’re tempted to point out that being careful is most likely rolled in with not being stupid, but you keep your mouth shut. A moment later Tomura speaks up again. “Come back fast. I miss you when you’re not here.”

“I will,” you say, trying not to implode. “I, um – I miss you too. Please don’t throw Magne’s phone.”

“Fine.” Tomura hangs up. You need to get Tomura a phone. You also need to teach Tomura phone etiquette, like not hanging up without saying goodbye. Except he said he missed you, which – what was that? Was it a guilt trip? Tomura’s never tried to guilt-trip you before, and he’s not subtle in general. If that’s what he was doing, you’d see it coming a mile away, which means that this wasn’t a guilt-trip. In fact, he took the news that you won’t be back until later fairly well. The weird feeling you’re getting is because it was a normal conversation. The kind of conversation you’d have with a boyfriend who wasn’t crazy. Most of your boyfriends have been crazy.

Tomura isn’t your boyfriend. You’re being weird. You text thank-you to Magne again, drop a line to Spinner to ask when Magne’s birthday is, and head back inside to grab your lunch. It’s a nice day. It might be nice to eat outside.

At least that’s what you think, until Nakayama drops down on the bench next to you. “Who was that on the phone?”

“None of your business.” You grit your teeth as Nakayama pops open a salad in an excruciatingly loud plastic clamshell package. “You were eavesdropping?”

“Nobody used to call you,” Nakayama says matter-of-factly. “Honestly, you seemed like the type who’d bang your boss.”

You almost choke on your sandwich. “But now Mr. Yagi seems kind of like your dad. Not in a daddy way, just a literal dad,” Nakayama continues. “So who was on the phone? Why do you miss them?”

“No one. Go away.”

“Is it your boyfriend?” Nakayama asks. “I’d say that to my boyfriend if he was clingy. Is your boyfriend clingy?”

“It’s not my boyfriend,” you say. You’re pretty sure your face is on fire. “Don’t you have anywhere else to be? I thought – uh, I thought you and Woods from the DA’s office were a thing.”

“We are. But he was being judgy about one of my cases, so I ditched him for today.” Nakayama crunches down on a bite of salad. “I’m surprised you knew that! You don’t usually care about office gossip.”

You don’t. But you’re desperate to get out of this conversation without having to think or talk any more about Tomura. “I pay attention, but I’m sort of behind, I think. Can you catch me up?”

Nakayama grins at you around a mouthful of lettuce. “I thought you’d never ask!”

Asking about gossip is going to be your new go-to for avoiding talking about your personal life with your coworkers. Nakayama talks straight through lunch, and afterwards you throw yourself into your work, doing everything you can to avoid thinking about Tomura and what Tomura said and what the actual hell is happening there. You end the day a half-day ahead of your inbox, and you duck out early, swinging by the store to pick up some flowers to bring as a gift for your hosts. And then you sneak into another store, to pick up something for someone else.

You’ve been to Mr. Yagi’s house before, but it was a while ago. The neighborhood you’re driving through feels mostly unfamiliar. The houses are medium-sized, but on big lots, and you know from your homebuying exploits that this much space costs a ridiculous amount of money. The land one of these houses is built on probably costs as much as your property and your house put together. The last time you were here, you remember thinking somewhat uncharitably that Mr. Yagi must have family money. You’re even more confused now that you know he’s a ghost.

Mr. Yagi’s house is yellow with green trim, bright and pretty. It feels friendly when you walk up the front steps, and the doorbell’s ring somehow sounds cheerful. Mr. Yagi opens the door, smiling. “Come in! What are these –”

“For you,” you say. Your parents might not have been very affectionate, but they made sure you had manners. Mr. Yagi accepts the flowers. “Thank you for hosting me.”

You take off your shoes and make your way into the house after Mr. Yagi. The rest of the house feels just as friendly as it looks. Whatever’s being cooked smells really good, and Mr. Yagi’s wife smiles at you though a cloud of steam when you approach to ask if you can help. “I have it under control. And I have my assistant,” she says, elbowing Mr. Yagi lightly. “Go out to the backyard, if you’d like. Izuku’s waiting.”

You make your way through the house and onto the back porch, which overlooks a garden about ten times as pretty as yours. You can’t help feeling a surge of envy, which is only partially helped by reminding yourself that this garden’s had a lot more time to grow than yours has, and that this family doesn’t have to worry about buying delicate or expensive plants for fear that a ghost will get impatient and kill them in order to materialize fully. The only shadow in the garden comes from a large, lush shrub with purple-green leaves that’s resisting every effort made by Mr. Yagi’s son to extract it from the ground.

You come closer. “Do you need help?”

“No,” Izuku says, out of breath. “I don’t want to chop it down, but it has to go. It’s invasive.”

“Oh,” you say. “Did you know that when you planted it?”

“We think it was mislabeled,” Izuku says. “Or I read the label wrong, or something. I don’t want to kill it, and I think I can get it out alive, but we can’t plant it anywhere else.”

Something occurs to you. “If I help you get it out alive, can I have it?”

“Dad said you have a garden, but why would you want – oh!” Izuku breaks off suddenly, grinning. “Based on the size of this bush and its relative age compared to the lifespan of similar plants, it contains about ten years of life energy! Ghosts usually burn through energy between forty-eight and fifty-five times faster than living things, depending on their power level, and Dad said your ghost is extremely strong, so if we assume a consumption rate of seventy times faster than a living thing and if you take this tree and he uses it, that should give him roughly two weeks of complete embodiment. Longer if he stays incorporeal sometimes.”

You can only stare at him. He keeps talking. “When Dad was still a ghost, he went through life-force really fast. Mom says he kept wanting to do things for her – like hold the door open, or pull out her chair so she could sit down, or carry her groceries. One time her car got stuck in the snow and he picked it up and carried it for her. Oh, I guess that’s another thing! If a ghost is exceeding the physical abilities of their embodied form, the consumption rate doubles. What kind of things does your ghost like to do?”

“I have a dog and they like to play together,” you say. There’s no way you’re bringing up the rest of it with a fifteen-year-old. “How did you find out about all this stuff? Is there an equation or something?”

“Sort of! I can show you if you want. Of course, it’ll be approximate, since there’s not a great way to measure power levels and you kind of just have to vibe it, but it should tell you about how much complete materialization time you’ll get. What kind of things does your ghost usually drain?”

“Small plants. Weeds or mushrooms, and sometimes blackberry bushes,” you say. “And the people in the neighborhood bring us bugs for him to use.”

“He must be conserving power really well if he can get complete materialization from insects,” Izuku says excitedly. “Do you think there’s any way I could meet him? I haven’t met a real ghost in ages, and one that powerful –”

“Izuku,” Mr. Yagi says warningly from the porch. “That ghost isn’t safe for most people to interact with. And his reaction to you would be difficult to predict.”

“He’d know I’m not a threat. He could read it off my aura,” Izuku says. He looks at you and explains before you can ask. “I’m half-ghost. Mom got pregnant with me before Dad embodied himself full-time.”

Your first thought, as incredibly stupid as it is, is that you might need your box of condoms after all. Your second thought is that you really didn’t need to know that much about your boss’s sex life. Then you remember that Mr. Yagi can see Tomura’s marks on you and decide that it’s even. “Um, what does that mean? Being half-ghost.”

“Like being an embodied ghost, but I didn’t have to drain anybody,” Izuku says. “I can see other ghosts, and feel what they feel. I need to blink, but my eyes still do the thing Dad’s eyes do, so I have to wear contacts. And sometimes when I dream I can see into the world between.”

You sit there with that for a moment. Izuku looks to Mr. Yagi. “Once I get the butterfly bush out, she’s going to take it home so her ghost can use it. Did you know he’s only been using bugs?”

“I didn’t,” Mr. Yagi says. He glances at you, and you will your face not to flush. “We’ll all work together to dig up the bush after dinner. It’s time to wash up.”

You follow Mr. Yagi and Izuku into the house, feeling like you handled things well. It’s not until you’re washing your hands that it occurs to you that Izuku, who’s half ghost, can almost certainly see Tomura’s goddamn handprints all over you. It takes you way too long to muster up the courage to do anything but bolt directly out the door and drive until you run out of gas. But you make it out to the table and sit down, avoiding everyone’s eyes. You’re sitting with two ghosts. They can see the handprints. They know. You’re screwed. There’s no way they’ll let you have the butterfly bush now.

Mr. Yagi’s wife reaches across the table and pats your arm. “It’s all right,” she says, and you look up to find her smiling. “I’ve got them, too.”

You can’t see handprints on her, but she must have them, if she was involved with Mr. Yagi before he was embodied. You’ve never met anybody other than Keigo who was involved with their ghost when it was still a ghost, and you feel yourself relax a bit, just like you do when you and Keigo hang out. You manage a smile in response, then pick up your utensils and start eating. The food tastes really good. And it’s nice to know that you’re not going to have to spend twenty minutes explaining why cheese comes in different shapes, colors, and sizes without becoming something other than cheese.

You have to explain other stuff, though. Izuku has questions. “How many ghosts are in your neighborhood? Are they all adults or are some of them kids? Was your house built before the rest of the neighborhood or is it just the only house with a ghost in it?” He uses the pause provided by your answers to inhale half the food on his plate, then jumps back into the breach with even more questions. “Dad said there was a scar wraith. Have you met him? Scar wraiths are technically half-embodied ghosts, right? How many of his powers does he still have? Which of the former ghosts on your street is the most powerful? Do you think my dad could beat Magne or Atsuhiro or Hizashi in a fight?”

Mr. Yagi chokes on a sip of water. “I won’t be fighting any ghosts in that neighborhood. My ghost-fighting days are long over.”

“You used to fight ghosts?” you ask.

“Yes,” Mr. Yagi says. “That’s what I was summoned for.”

You want to ask. You really, really want to ask, but you don’t want to pry. Mr. Yagi’s wife finally elbows him. “Just tell her, Toshi.”

Mr. Yagi sighs. “When we first spoke of this, I mentioned that some conjurers don’t bind ghosts. Rather, they form mutually beneficial alliances – sometime simply to extend their lives, sometimes in an effort to do good. The conjurer who summoned me was named Shimura Nana. She hoped to do good, and I wanted to help her. Together we pursued evil conjurers and unquiet ghosts, ending their reigns of terror wherever we could.”

He glances guiltily at you. “I believe we once crossed paths with Hizashi, from your neighborhood. My master judged there to be greater threats than him.”

Hizashi wouldn’t like hearing that. Maybe you’ll tell him the next time he tries to scare you for kicks. But there’s a different question you’re considering. “How do you kill a ghost?”

“We’ll get to that,” Mr. Yagi says. “In any case, as the years passed, my master and I came into contact with the same conjurer over and over again. He was interested not in short-term havoc, but in long-term destruction, and he chose his ghosts accordingly. Many of the worst ghosts my master and I faced had been captured by him – taken as children, isolated for decades, their power growing unchecked until it outgrew the haunt containing it.”

Unease twists in the pit of your stomach. You’ve heard a story like that before. The one you were told was about Eri, but when you consider the details – the length of time, the complete isolation – it sounds like someone else, too. “These ghosts had no chance to make a bargain with their conjurer,” Mr. Yagi continues. “It was likely never explained to them why they had been imprisoned in this world. Many ghosts are curious about the human world, initially, and form opinions once they’ve been allowed to explore and interact with it. By the time this conjurer’s ghosts are allowed to interact with the world, they’ve grown to despise it as a prison. They destroy everything in their path, until they’re stopped.”

“Dad stopped a lot of them,” Izuku says.

“His master called it merciful,” Mr. Yagi’s wife – she’s told you to call her Inko – says. She looks troubled. “I don’t know about that.”

“There aren’t any left in the country. My master and I made sure.” Mr. Yagi folds and unfolds his napkin. “Ghosts may not approach the world with the same view of mortality as humans do, but it still takes time to create such a violent, hateful ghost. We were certain we’d found them all. And then –”

Suddenly you’re certain you know what he’s going to say. “You found my house.”

“It has every hallmark of our enemy’s work,” Mr. Yagi says. “An immensely powerful ghost, firmly entrenched in a house that can barely contain it. How long has he inhabited that house?”

“A hundred and ten years.”

“That fits!” Izuku says excitedly. He gets up from the table and bolts down the hallway, coming back a moment later pushing a wheeled whiteboard that you’re pretty sure disappeared from the conference room at work. “So! Thanks to the map Mr. Aizawa made, and the list of identities you found, I’ve been able to track where this conjurer’s been over the last two hundred years. A lot of the haunts have been destroyed, but nothing gets built there again, so they’re easy to find. The conjurer starts out way to the north, two hundred years ago. He binds a ghost to an old temple, and sixty years later, the ghost breaks out. Did you get that one, Dad? Do you remember?”

Mr Yagi nods. “Okay,” Izuku says. “Seven years later, he’s right here. Just a little ways south. This time the ghost is in an abandoned palace. That one only lasts twenty years before the haunt gets destroyed, and Dad gets that one, too. Seven years after that, the conjurer goes big and summons a ghost to haunt this entire mountain range by binding different parts of it into different caves and cabins –”

It would take an idiot not to see the pattern that’s emerging. The conjurer moves steadily south, spending seven years in each location – no more, and no less. In each location he leaves behind a haunted house with a lonely ghost, a ticking time bomb that won’t go off until long after everyone’s forgotten it was there. When he reaches the border, he turns around and heads north again, still spending seven years in each location. “Why seven years?” you ask. “If he’s worried about being caught, shouldn’t he switch it up?”

“Summoning and binding ghosts take time,” Inko says. “If it’s not done well, the ghosts can get out. And this conjurer doesn’t want his ghosts to get out.”

Yeah, no kidding – if they can get out, they won’t go crazy like he wants them to. Izuku keeps going over the map, seven years and a few miles at a time. Then he stops. “Here there’s a big gap,” he says. “In distance and in time. He doesn’t show up again until fourteen years later, and he’s way too far north. Plus, his name is wrong. You were right about how he steals names from people he knew in his previous identity to build the new one, but his name in the new town isn’t related at all to the last one.”

“It’s an insult to my master,” Mr. Yagi says. The scowl on his face is way too scary for your liking. “Shimura Tenko.”

You remember that name from the files. “So what happened? Did he just take a break?”

“After ninety years of doing the same thing? No way,” Izuku says. He opens his mouth, closes it, and turns to Inko. “Mom spotted it. Mom should say.”

Inko smiles at him, then turns to face you. “Look at the space that’s missing,” she says quietly. “There should be a haunt somewhere here.”

You look at the spot she’s circling on the map and your heart sinks. “We’re not the only city around here,” you say hopelessly. “It could be any of those –”

“We checked. There isn’t.” Izuku is bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. “The guy my dad fought is the same guy who summoned your ghost. And it took him a while. Either your ghost really fought or really tried to escape, because the conjurer never spent more than seven years anywhere else. He spent fourteen years here.”

Your heart is racing. You look to Mr. Yagi. “How did you and your master not find him?”

“There was nothing to find,” Mr. Yagi says. “Every other haunt became a place of violence and terror, the instant the ghosts began to attain their full power. There were incidents, accidents, mysterious deaths – things that signal the presence of a ghost. There was no such thing in your house.”

No, there wasn’t. You checked. If there had been any sign of trouble, you wouldn’t have bought it. “What I don’t understand,” Inko says, “is why your ghost didn’t turn out like the others. From what Toshinori says, your ghost radiates malevolence to such a degree that no one’s stayed long inside the house. The isolation is what’s supposed to drive them crazy, and that would make him more isolated, not less.”

“That’s a weird move for a ghost with a lot of power,” Izuku agrees. “Especially given what all the other ones did. Obviously ghosts have different temperaments, like people do, but if all the others destroyed their haunts and he didn’t –”

He trails off, and Inko doesn’t try to fill the gap. They’re both looking at Mr. Yagi, so you look at him, too. It’s a while before he speaks, and when he does, he’s avoiding your eyes. “Initially, Tomura wouldn’t have had sufficient power to harm anyone. Once he did, it seems he made a conscious decision to use his powers to deepen his own isolation rather than wield them against others. He’s undeniably malevolent, but not particularly hostile. As far as any of us can tell, he’s never attempted to break out of his haunt, much less wreak the kind of destruction one might expect from a ghost in his position. In the eyes of his conjurer, he represents a failure.”

Even though failing at this is exactly what you should want for Tomura, you still don’t like hearing people talk about him that way. “What does that mean?”

“It means that Tomura’s conjurer is likely to return at some point,” Mr. Yagi says, “and attempt to turn Tomura into the symbol of terror he was meant to be. My understanding of Tomura is limited, but based on the available evidence –”

He gestures awkwardly at you. “The fastest way for his conjurer to do that would be to remove you from the picture.”

“Wouldn’t Tomura just kill him?” Izuku asks. “I mean – if someone hurt me or Mom, that’s what you’d do, right?”

“Yes,” Mr. Yagi says, “but this conjurer is too cunning to make it easy. He’d likely kill her far from the neighborhood, which would force Tomura to destroy his haunt to pursue him. Tomura would likely leave immense destruction in his wake as he chased the conjurer. Which is what the conjurer wanted him to do all along.”

You feel like you’re going to be sick. You imagine the house blowing apart from the inside, just like the fence did; or worse, you imagine it crumbling, falling apart in a wave of dust that billows out, consuming everything in its path. He already looks down on the neighborhood. If he found any way to blame them for your death, he’d wipe them off the map. And then he’d move on to everything else.

No. Tomura wouldn’t do something that crazy just for you. You’re out of your mind. “I’m not that important to him,” you say. “I’m not – he’d kill the conjurer to punish him, maybe. He wouldn’t go on a rampage. Why would you say that?”

Mr. Yagi doesn’t answer. He looks uncomfortable. “Even if he succeeded in killing the conjurer, it wouldn’t bring you back,” Inko says softly. “He’d still be loose in the world, still angry, still destructive, with no one to aim his anger towards. Haven’t you ever been so angry that you didn’t care who you hurt?”

You have. You don’t want to admit it, but you have. “So have I,” Inko says, which is hard to imagine. “But you and I are human, with societal expectations that make it unlikely that we’ll act on those feelings. Ghosts don’t have that. They follow their feelings. They don’t see consequences until it’s too late.”

“You’re wrong,” you say. Your jaw is clenched, your hands curled into fists out of sight. “I believe you about all of this – who his conjurer is, and why it happened, and all of that. But you’re wrong about what will happen if his conjurer kills me. He doesn’t care enough about me for the rest of it.”

You see Mr. Yagi and Inko trade a glance. Izuku is staring, too, waiting to be let in on the secret. “Perhaps we’re wrong,” Mr. Yagi says. “Even so, no one wants you to be hurt. With that in mind, we have a gift for you.”

“Toshinori’s master made these for me, back when Toshi was still a ghost,” Inko says. She pulls back her sleeves, revealing narrow bracelets on each wrist. “They hide the traces of ghostly power. When Toshi and I met, he and his master were still battling the conjurer. Wearing these kept me from being noticed and used against him.”

You hadn’t known that. Now you understand why Mr. Yagi is so certain about what Tomura will do if you’re killed – it’s what he would have done, or wanted to do, if he’d lost Inko. “My power’s faded enough that it’s almost undetectable,” Mr. Yagi says. “My master would be pleased if the bracelets went to someone who needed them.”

You argue. Of course you argue. A lot, in no small part because going to Mr. Yagi’s house for dinner and coming back with his wife’s jewelry on is going to convince everybody at the office that you’re sleeping with him. Once you lose that part of the argument, you switch tactics to arguing that something that fits Inko’s wrists is going to be too small for yours, only for Inko to tell you, completely straightfaced, that the bracelets are magic and can grow or shrink to fit whoever needs to wear them. You sit there with that for a moment, chagrined, before she bursts out laughing and tells you to try them on first. You do. They fit perfectly. Maybe they’re magic after all.

You help Inko with the dishes while Izuku piles up paper after paper after paper on the counter for you to take home and review, including a list of six possible names Tomura’s conjurer could be going by at this very moment. Then all of you head to the backyard to extract the butterfly bush. It’s a four-person job for sure. You have no idea how Izuku thought he was going to do it himself.

Inko insists you go home with leftovers, then sends you home with more food than you can carry. You thank her and Mr. Yagi and Izuku with a little more emotion than you usually display – for the food, and for their help. “I’ll bring this back to the neighborhood,” you say. “It’ll clear things up. Now we have a better idea of what to watch out for.”

“If you need assistance at any point, let me know,” Mr.  Yagi says. “I do have some experience in this regard.”

“I will,” you say. “I’ll see you at work, sir.”

You’re still feeling too many things as you drive home, the still-living butterfly bush taking up the entire backseat of your car and enough food for two nights of dinners in the passenger seat. It takes you a while to name the feeling as hurt – hurt for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with the absurd kindness Mr. Yagi and his family showed to you. It’s an old hurt, one you’ve lived with for a long time; the feeling of observing a happy family and realizing all over again how empty your childhood was. But now there’s a new kind of hurt added to the pile. Not the hurt of wanting something you didn’t have, but wanting something you won’t get.

Inko was you, once upon a time. Human, in love with a ghost, in the line of fire. But it worked out for her. She’s happy. She has a son and a husband who loves her and a garden whose biggest problem is an invasive plant her son accidentally planted in it. That’s never going to be you.

Even if you wanted that, and you’re not at all sure you do, knowing you can’t have it makes you sad. You drive the rest of the way home with a weird lump in your throat, trying to clear it before you get home. You can’t explain this to Tomura. He won’t understand.

The mood sticks with you all the way home, but when you pull into your neighborhood, you feel it inexplicably lift. It’s just past sundown. Hizashi and Shinsou are in their garden, laughing about a misshapen eggplant they’ve been growing. Himiko is on the front porch of her house, painting Jin’s nails, while their siblings scribble profanity they probably learned from Spinner onto the sidewalk in chalk. Spinner and Keigo are hanging out in front of Spinner’s house, talking something over with Magne. And your front lawn might be dead as a doornail, but all the lights are on inside your house.

You park in the driveway and start ferrying things up to the house. The door swings open before you can even think of unlocking it, and Phantom races to greet you, barking and whining until you set the leftovers on the porch swing and crouch down to greet her. She licks your face, slurping the way she does when you’ve been sweating or crying. This time it was the latter.

When you turn to retrieve the leftovers, they’re gone. Inside the house, you hear the refrigerator open and shut. “I can carry that stuff,” you say to Tomura. “Don’t burn through too much energy.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Tomura’s down to a pair of hands as he drifts onto the porch, hands that seize your wrists and refuse to let go. “What are these?”

“I’ll explain,” you say. “I still have stuff to bring in.”

You bring in your purchase from the other store, knowing Tomura won’t look inside it unless you give him a reason to be suspicious, then devote your attention to wrestling the butterfly bush out of the backseat. Tomura eyes it suspiciously. “Where are you going to put that?”

You stop just before you remove it. You know from experience that once something leaves the car in the driveway, it’s fair game. “My boss and his family gave it to me,” you say. Tomura’s suspicious expression cranks up a notch. “It’s for you.”

Tomura blinks. “I’m going to bring it in. Don’t touch it yet,” you say. “I need to talk to you first.”

Tomura waits as you drag the butterfly bush in its pot into the yard, then up onto the porch, then through the door. He keeps quiet until after you’ve shut the door. “Can I have it now?”

“No,” you say. You’ve got a not-insignificant suspicion that Tomura is going to jump you the instant he’s fully materialized, and you don’t want to try to have this conversation while he’s trying to make out with you. But now he’s waiting, clearly impatient, and all at once you forget what you were planning to say. “Um –”

“Did they give you that tree just because they had it?”

“No,” you say, startled. “I asked if I could have it. I wanted to see you. My boss’s son, he said you could probably get two weeks of full materialization out of it, but I think there’s a good chance he underestimated your power level, and –”

The butterfly bush crumbles to ash so quickly it’s hard to imagine it was there in the first place. Tomura’s feet hit the floor, and a moment later, he jumps you. Literally jumps you – he’s taller than you are, but he tangles himself around you until both his feet are off the ground. He’s solid, and heavy, and you’re not at all prepared to take the weight of a fully embodied ghost. You collapse backwards, barely managing to tuck your chin and avoid smacking the back of your skull against the floor. Tomura takes the change from vertical to horizontal completely in stride. Whatever he’s planning, it’s not impeded by the fact that Phantom is racing in excited circles around the two of you.

You’re worried he’s going to kiss you, or go after your clothes the way Dabi’s apparently made a habit of doing to Keigo. Instead Tomura stretches out on top of you, apparently unconcerned with where his elbows and knees are going, and buries his head in your shoulder. Or your neck. He can’t seem to decide which one he prefers.

You put up with a few seconds of ghost cuddling before you ask. “Tomura, what are you doing?”

“Saw it in a movie.” A puff of cold air hits the side of your neck. “Wanted to try.”

“In this movie you saw, were they on the floor?” you ask, exasperated. “If we’re going to keep this up, we’re moving it to the couch.”

“I don’t want to move.”

“Tough luck. I don’t want to cuddle with you on the floor.” You roll him off of you, get to your feet, and book it to the living room, flopping down on the couch a split second before Tomura flops down on you. “Here’s fine, though.”

Tomura gets comfortable again, complaining under his breath, but once he’s settled, he goes quiet and still. “You’re like a weighted blanket,” you say nonsensically. “I didn’t think this was going to be the first thing you did.”

“I want that later. I want this now.” Tomura goes quiet again for a few moments. “Those things your boss gave you are strong. I didn’t see you until you were here. Why do you have them?”

It occurs to you why Tomura might be concerned. “They’re for hiding me when I’m out there. From other ghosts. Or conjurers.”

“You went there to find out about conjurers,” Tomura says. You’re surprised he remembered that. Or surprised he asked about it. Or both. “Did you?”

“About one of them,” you say. “The last name on Aizawa’s list. My boss thinks, um – he thinks that one might be yours.”

“Mine,” Tomura repeats. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” you say. You don’t want to get into the rest of it – the conjurer’s MO, whatever made Tomura different, what Mr. Yagi’s afraid will happen if – when – you die. Not when it’s calm like this. Not when you feel like you’re breathing for the first time in weeks, in spite of the fact that you’re currently being flattened by a ghost. “But my boss and his wife met when he was still a ghost. Someone made the bracelets so other ghosts and conjurers couldn’t find her.”

“Why would they care about someone else’s human?” Tomura sounds like the concept’s never occurred to him. “Just get your own.”

You knew you were right about this. You tell yourself that being right is a relief. “My boss loves his wife. He loved her even when he was a ghost. The best way for somebody to hurt him was to hurt her, and somebody really wanted to hurt him. So she wore these. To be safe. And now his powers have faded, so she gave them to me.”

It’s quiet again. “I don’t like that I can’t see you,” Tomura says.

“I’ll take them off once I’m in the neighborhood,” you say. “So you’ll know I’m there.”

Tomura makes an indistinct sound you can probably read as agreement and makes himself comfortable again. When it becomes clear that he’s not moving any time soon, you wrap your arms loosely around him. Tomura makes another indistinct sound. “What are you doing?”

“Holding you,” you say. “People do that.”

“Weird.” Tomura doesn’t stir. After a few minutes of lying there, one of your hands resting between his shoulder blades and one on the small of his back, you cautiously sneak one hand up to fiddle with the ends of his hair.

It’s tangled. There’s only so much you can do one-handed, but you get to work anyway, strangely comforted by the texture of it between your fingers. Tomura lifts his head slightly when you tug at one of the tougher knots. “Why are you doing that? It’s just going to get tangled again the next time I dematerialize.”

“I can fix it next time, too.” Maybe with a brush. “Do you care?”

“No.” Tomura answers fast. “It’s – nice. A lot of it is nice.”

You wonder what ‘it’ is in this case. Being corporeal? Being in physical contact with you? The physical contact you’re initiating? It doesn’t really matter. It’s all physical sensation to him, some good and some bad, and you’re the person who provides it. Tomura doesn’t care about you beyond that. It makes sense that he wouldn’t worry about you the way Mr. Yagi worries about Inko. The way any other ghost in the neighborhood worries about their human.

You’re not upset about it. You’ll take what you can get. And if what you can get is a few minutes cuddling on the couch before your ghost decides he’d rather make out, that’s still more than you expected when you came home tonight.

[ar-feyniel]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by dear @luthien-under-bough

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

52

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

878,730. That's insane actually now that I think about it.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

HOTD/ASOIAF, but also dabbling into "The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue"

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Maternal love - Aemma-centric time-travel fix-it

Armistice - slow-burn(ish), enemies-to-lovers epic fic with human sacrifice and a lot of denial of feelings. And magic!

daughter's wrath - early marriage Daemyra, basically a "what if Rhaenyra married Daemon once her father's marriage to Alicent is announced". Brat!Nyra to its fullest.

Violet-Eyed Jealousy - my biggest claim to fame, the thing that started daddy-in-law agenda, canonverse.

Passion driven - my very first attempt at writing for this fandom and in English overall, the whole fic is shorter than some of my current one-shots lol, but it still hangs strong in top-5.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Unless they are mean, obnoxious or demanding.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably you took everything from me because it's Daemma, canonverse, and they are doomed lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Tbh almost all my fics end with "they fuck and are happy", it's hard to pick just one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I do, occasionally, and sometimes it upsets me, sometimes I just block and move on.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Mostly F/M, but also F/F and Multi. Haven't written any M/M yet, and as for kinks - well, I don't think I have any hard-nos at this point haha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

counting tides is technically a crossover because it's heavily based on "The Odyssey" and is adapted to ASOIAF setting.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, unfortunately.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, without my permission lol. I made the mods take it down.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I plan to! With an author who I consider to be a dear friend of mine. <3

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Daemyra - and if we talk about other fandoms, I have my preferences, but Daemyra is *the* brainrot.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

the poison in my blood has your name. This fic was plagiarised and I have no idea whether I will come back to it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterisation, probably? I also like to believe my premises are creative.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Consistency, that's easy haha. My creativity and inspiration are too fickle.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't see the point. Whenever I encounter High Valyrian or any other language I don't speak in a fic, I just skip this part and never bother with looking for translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Silmarillion.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

maybe this thing was a masterpiece ('til you tore it all up) - it's an angsty modern AU that is probably my best writing ever. I cried when writing it, and every time I reread it, there is a knot in my chest. This is something I am really proud of.

no pressure tags @calenlily @grandlovescheme @awfullylongtime

[killerandhealerqueen]

twenty questions for fic writers!

Thank you for the tag @sunriseverse! Always love doing these

how many works do you have on ao3?

As of right now, 284. 154 of those are Killer and Healer fics, to the surprise of nobody

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

We are currently at 3,030,755. I tend to write long oneshots and decently long multichapters so I'm not surprised my word count is as high as it is. Again, majority of these words come from Killer and Healer because there is just something about them that makes my brain go brrr

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Most Killer and Healer at this point, but sometimes I'll write an S.C.I. fic and I'm also going to dip my toes into F1 rpf. Currently working on my first fic now

4. top five fics by kudos

I agree with Corset, I'm not a fan of the kudos for my overall (since they're fics I don't care about and since I'm not in those fandoms anymore), so I'm also gonna go with my kudos from 2024 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer 231 kudos, m, WIP, yuezhi, junchun 药剂师日记 | The Apothecary Diaries 111 kudos, t, 89k, yuezhi Oil and Water 105 kudos, m, 91.5k, eric/ryan Stay the Night By My Side 48 kudos, t, 1096, qiubing Big White Cat Cuddles 47 kudos, gen, 2.7k

5. do you respond to comments?

Always. Always, always, always

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

On the rare as fuck occasion that i've actually writing MCD, my fic Promise to Keep for Chinese Paladin 4. I too am shocked that I wrote MCD because I normally write happy endings, but I was actually okay with how canon ended so...I was fine with the MCD (cried like a bitch while writing it tho)

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fics minus Promise to Keep

8. do you get hate on fics?

Oh, I did once...and it turned into a whole post that I made on here because if they had gone just after the fic/me, I would have just deleted it and moved on (while simmering with rage) but no, they went after my readers and insulted them and NO ONE goes after my readers

9. do you write smut?

No I do not. Never have, never will. It squicks me, so I don't. I can read it, can't write it

10. craziest crossover?

Eh...I did a big crossover back in 2020 between s.c.i, history 3: trapped, and guardian. That fic was fun

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, back in 2020 when I was working on my fic The Untamed Moments, someone was copying it word for fucking word over on Wattpad in Spanish. One of my readers at the time noticed it and I shut that shit down real quick. So...word to the wise. Don't steal my fics or I will end you

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! My fic So This Is What Love Feels Like was translated to Vietnamese. I was very honored

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

In the past...wouldn't do it again. I like brainstorming fics with people but at the end of the day, I need to be the one writing the fic. And my style is so different from others that you could definitely tell if a fic was co-written

14. all time favorite ship?

Yuezhi. Hands down. But man, Lestappen is getting up there...

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

God permitting, the Killer and Healer rewrite. Same with my Kei x Yaku fic. Problem is, I keep getting distracted by other wips and ideas so I like...haven't gotten around to finishing them. The rewrite I know is going to take me a while, but the Kei x Yaku fic I just gotta sit down and work on/crank out or I'll lose my hyperfixation with it and want to either abandon it or delete it. And I don't want to do either, so I gotta get back into it

16. what are your writing strengths?

Dialogue/making characters still feel in character, no matter the au, if that makes sense. I've been told my dialogue is great

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

TOO MANY GOD DAMN WIPS/WIP IDEAS

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I will only ever use dialogue in another language if I know what I'm writing in another language. Things might also cross over, like "hyung" or "gege" or stuff like that because it just sounds better but other than that, I don't use dialogue in another language unless i'm 100% sure of the meaning

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Dragonball

20. favorite fic you've written?

How dare you...I love all of my fics, even the ones for the fandoms I'm no longer a part of. No, I won't choose. You can't make me

Tagging: @hyperbolicgrinch @theotherwhybietoldmeso @clawbehavior @fourth-quartet and any other writing mutual who wants to give this a go

[hullosweetpea]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you @catknives for tagging me (even though i’m responding 2 months later 😅)

First, my AO3

How many works do you have on AO3?

107!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

223, 678 words, counting co-writing and co-podding works!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Stranger Things, but I do have some Fargo s5 fic in the works. Back in the day it was a lot of Supernatural, Doctor Who, Check Please!, Schitt’s Creek, (regrettably) The Big Bang Theory, Marvel, The Mortal Instruments, and The Infernal Devices

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Familiar to Me (Supernatural), Intervention (Supernatural), felled by you (Stranger Things), Avenging Barbarian (Stranger Things), and A Truth Universally Acknowledged (Stranger Things)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Mainly because I like the interaction (especially when readers have predictions/ world-building thoughts). I also screenshot my favorite ones for when I need motivation or a pick me up.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Happy Springtime Cas (Supernatural) because it’s Main Character Death

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This Ken Has a Boyfriend! (Stranger Things) because it is pure crack and delight ❤️

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so much hate, but I could always tell when someone hasn’t seen You’ve Got Mail based on how critical they are of Cas in A Truth Universally Acknowledged. Which, at that point, please discuss it with your friends and not me. I decided to follow the plot of You’ve Got Mail pretty close, and for some people it was too much that Dean lost his store like Kathleen. (And I only cried about it twice, which is a win for me).

9. Do you write smut?

yes, primarily omegaverse and kink. oh if 15 year old sweetpea could see me now skdlfjsdjf

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Gonna show my age here, but for my 100th fanfic on FF.net I wrote a SuperWhoLock fic. I’ve also written a Supernatural/Check Please! crossover, and I’m in the middle of writing a Fargo/Stranger things crossover (Gator with older Steve/Eddie, anyone?).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, thank god!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Birthday Wish (Stranger Things) was translated by Azalea_Violetta

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’m currently working on a co-written fic for a ST Femslash Server I’m in (not sure how much I can say publicly!). But I’ve been apart of many multi-voice podfic (podfic voiced with a whole cast instead of one person).

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Currently gripped by Steddie.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

The bio-bdsm destiel fic. I might get back to it some day, but my Stranger Things fascination gripped me about the same time I was noodling with it. Also, I’m so bad about finishing long fics 🤦‍♀️

16. What are your writing strengths?

Description, sentence fragments as poetic license

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot v. cool scene, anxiety editing

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’d like to apologize for 16 year old me for slapping Google Translate lines in fic. I’m sure there were many cringy translations. Otherwise, I don’t think too hard when I see them in fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Unposted: American Girl; Posted: Doctor Who

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

pinkie swear (Stranger Things). It was my last fill for Stobin Month and it was so cathartic and enjoyable to write. I just love Steve and Robin’s friendship ❤️

tagging: @hullomoon, @faithfulcat111, @mayalaen, @starshideurfics, and @goonflower

[r3v0lver-0c3lot]

17 and 25 for ask game let's go

mgs ahh answers💀💀💀

anyway

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

Boss and tiny ocelot!!!!! And in general just boss and ocelot and sorrow family hangouts (not just where ocelot is small, it'll be cool if they spent time together in snake eater). i've seen some of these and they really remind me of my childhood and because ocelot and boss are russian it'll be cool if there was some fic or art about ocelot's (non-existent) childhood (but this is an au so it doesn't matter that it contradicts the canon idgaf) like how he went to school (bc i love memes about slavic school some funny shit is bound to happen there) and how during summer he went to the countryside w/ his family and they lived in a small cottage house (dacha, if you will) and they cooked pirozhki and borsch and whatever. i do love my country's culture (NOT THE POLITICS OBV AND ALL THAT CONSERVATIVE SHIT HELL NAW) and i LOVE the boss and ocelot's dynamic (also the boss reminds me of my mom) so seeing them in this kind of familial childhood settimg really resonates with me. i also HATE HATE HATE LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I HATE when russian aus are being reduced to adidas vodka drugs smoking depression gopnik internal homophobia type shit like stop making every character act like a drug addict alochoholic swine with no manners and or morals. so i think those type of aus where its russian summer and swimming in the river and playing in the field outside of the big cities or going to school and doing some whacky shit are much better to me at least. not just because they kick me in the ribs and bash my bones with nostalgia and bitter happiness of the time i never am going to come back to, but also because it doesn't transform my favourite characters into some carricature pieces of shit and actually shows a good side of my culture. ALSO. more ocelot speaking russian. i've seen fanart where he's a kid and he walks round with the boss and they see a cat and he point at it and says "Кошка!" (wich means cat!) and i legit cried bro not even joking give me stuff like this again

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i am going to jeff the kill anyone who says oH rIsInG iSnT cAnOn It RuInEd RaIdEnS cHaRaCtEr WOMP WOMP YOU FUCKING CUNT🖕🖕🖕 oh really? why? because in mgs4 he decided to say with rose and LiTtLe JoHn?? do you fucking hear yourself? did you play the game with your eyes AND ears closed? did you turn off your console like you were told to in mgs 2? fission mailed. fucking listen. in mgs4 rose left raiden because he had ptsd flashbacls and was drinking and fighting in the streets and couldn't control himself. i mean she left him to trick the patriots but this doesn't undo all the problems with his mental state wich obviously will cause a problem in a relationship one way or the other. and then by the end of the game he's like nah id win and decides to say with rose and also he now has a child. fucking great. you're not a monster jack. well except for the fact that his ptsd and trauma and desire for violence (eben if its to protect someone, wich is exactly what he does in rising) does not magically disappear just because yall say it did. he decided to say with his family but nobody including raiden himself didn't do anything for him to heal so if it didn't work before why would it work now when nothing changed. wich is why rising exists in wich i think he was standing here and realised that it won't work and continued going along with his violent urges wich is sad but makes more sense for his character and also this time he uses his desire and power to protect children from being made into child soldiers like he once was. so yeah mgs4 raiden arc can fuck off and Rising is based as hell for shoving 4's ending in the ass and making a better arc for him

[doomednarrative]

My bestie @catgirladjacent tagged me in a little "20 questions for fic writers" ask game so :3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12 currently

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

29,178. I mostly write one shots lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently I have on my ao3 published fics for FFXIV, Pathologic, Resident Evil, Borderlands and Gotham Rogues. I don't really actively write for any of those except FFXIV and Resident Evil these days however, along with various Kamen Rider shows and some BG3 stuff.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

God this is gonna make me cringe cause it's all older stuff I don't like as much anymore lol except for the RE ones

Help Me, Heal Me - 191 kudos

I Think She Knew Everything You Are - 196 kudos (nice)

He Always Held Him When He Cried - 98 kudos

No Sleep - 93 kudos

You Are Yourself - 77 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Usually yeah. I rarely get them so it's nice to see when people do actually leave them

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Surprisingly as much as I Love writing angst, none of my published fics actually really end on an angsty note. The closest would have to be "Doing Your Best (And Still Failing)" because it was written about my WoL A'cera after losing his first fight with Zenos during Stormblood, so it's a bunch of his raw emotions from the encounter.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably "Just Exhale", which is my personal take on the end of the MSQ for Endwalker with my WoL Alyx after they land back in the Ragnarok following the encounter with Meteion.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope, never have

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Only in my rp's with Tibby lol, or Occasionally something that won't ever get published that's just for myself. Usually it's oc/canon stuff that's just self indulgent for the sake of it ~

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

No lol it takes a Lot for me to enjoy crossovers unless it concerns toku stuff since those actually happen in canon

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hmm sort of? I hash out ideas with friends sometimes but I do all the actual writing for anything I publish myself

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

If we wanna go solely by what I've actually Published? Hades/Hythlodaeus/Azem or Wol, I really like writing my personally FFXIV stuff when I'm in the mood. If we wanna go off of unfinished wips by number tho? Hoffstrahm and Chreon by a fuckin mile, those two fucked my brain up for long spans of time

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a few honestly:

"Kiss me baby with your hapsburg lip," one of my many Hoffstrahm wips in my au verse shared with Tibby about Peter having to sew up Mark's face after the bear trap incident, only in this au it's much more comedy than horror

I have at least 5 different Hellhopper fics in my drafts, I would like to finish ONE of them at least someday

My fuckin multichapter Hotline Miami BikerJacket fic aughhh. I havent given up hope with it for how much of it I actually do have plotted out but god it'd take so long to write

I have a whole little various connected one shot series I was working on as a fix it series to the OOO 10th vcine, would love to finish them but I would have to rewatch OOO to pick the character voice back up for it

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, it's the thing everyone always points out to me that they enjoy in my writing and it's usually always the starting point for my fics

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Prose lol. I struggle so hard sometimes with connecting scenes and describing whats happening when people aren't actively speaking. I've gotten better at it but it took a lot of conscious effort to learn it

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I rarely do it, most things I write are in my native language media already, but whenever I do it I usually just italicize it, write it in English and make mention of the language switch in the paragraph somewhere so the reader knows it's happened

19. First fandom you wrote for?

DRAGON BALL Z BABEYYY I'm not ashamed of that I still love DBZ so much. I was so shameless and wrote my own oc to be Vegeta's cousin in one of my first fics and I had fun doing it. They've long since been deleted, not because I Wanted to do so but for other reasons I don't feel like going into rn.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

"Help Me, Heal Me" by far out of my published ones. It's my most solid out of them and I feel like I really nailed Chris and Leon's dynamic well in it, it's the one I'm most proud of ~

Hrmm let's see, I think I'll tag @silenthillmutual, @lunar-gl1tch, @skajador @adrianicsea and @stickers-on-a-laptop for this one ~

[fullyinconsequential]

Okay, everybody relax—I wrote this random crack Steddie fic where Steve was a writer and I wrote this from his point of view and I recently reread it after a long, long time and I was floored so enjoy.

Also it is a present-day set crack fic just to clear up time inconsistencies.

Atlantis.

When I was 10, my parents took me to the Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex at Cape Canaveral, Florida. I’d been to Disney World a hundred times by then, knew what the air would smell like and how the waves would sound licking the shore right beside the needlessly expensive condo we’d rent in Daytona. I expected roller coasters and cotton candy and to be sick with exhaustion by the end of it, trailing behind my booze-ridden parents, watching other kids get lifted on shoulders, fireman carried, cradled. Sometimes I walked slower than I felt, hoping one of them would have grown so annoyed of begging me to hurry, that they would lift me instead.

They never did.

Instead of a theme park, I got space. Thirty-minute presentations of one spacecraft or another—Apollo 8, Apollo 17, Apollo 11, the Challenger, the Columbia. Tears rolled down my face as we wandered through exhibits of dead astronauts, failures, fuck-ups.

But I cried harder at the successes—the cheers of the control room when Apollo 8 successfully launched, the testimonial of Gene Cernan about being the last man to have touched the moon, and Neil Armstrong himself confiding in the camera, all for a silly visitor center.

I cried the entire day. I hadn’t been able to explain it, and my mother took to believing I was scared of it all. She scolded my father the whole hour it took to get back to Daytona, convinced I had been frightened at the implication of the universe being so vast.

She never failed to misunderstand me.

If there was anything I understood, it was vastness. The echoing hallways of our four-story house, my king-sized bed, the hollow place inside me that burned bigger each time my father left for a business trip, mother in tow. At a certain point, they started forgetting to hire babysitters.

Just me and the house, my own black hole.

It’s hard to comprehend how big a super heavy-lift launch vehicle is until you’re standing beneath it. My legs weren’t long or fast enough to run the length of it. I slowed to a jog half-way, and walked to the tip of the launch escape system. Then I turned around to look for my parents, and they were gone.

I didn’t panic. I knew I would find them at the nearest supply of alcohol—but not just yet. For now it was me and Saturn V, this monstrous thing, it’s vastness like a mirror. One, two, three, four, five impossible structures that might’ve fused into one had it been launched, four that might’ve been abandoned, and one that might’ve returned home. A fraction of what it had been.

My mother always turned up drunk, my father, tired. He would say something of being jet-lagged, and retire. My mother would giggle and invite her friends to the house so she could boast of all her thrilling adventures. Sometimes I wondered if they remembered they had a son at all.

The Kennedy Space Center Visitor Complex has grown in the time since I’ve been there, most notably in their addition of the Atlantis, a spacecraft that traveled in and out of space on nearly 30 round trips. It was the first spacecraft of its kind—reusable. Returnable. Designed with the capacity to come back whole, warm with information, not lacking in love.

I’d like to stand beneath it one day. I’d like to see what I couldn’t when I was ten, to know that these wonderful metal creatures can come back whole.

And that it wasn’t my fault the others could not.

I’m off to cry now, thanks for reading :’)

[uglypastels]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by: @eddiemunsons80sbaby 💖💖

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

My main posting site is tumblr, on which I have 387 titles in my masterlists, (443 individual writing posts if seperating multi-chaptered stories).

Then i've reposted 40 of these titles on AO3 and 10 on Wattpad.*

*Counted since 2018

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

40 fics - 518,511 words total

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for MCU (actors) and co, the Irregulars, Stranger Things and One Piece (live action).

4. What are your top 5 fics?

I'm going by individual posts, not accumulated interactions through series.

Following the Herd

"Wearing His T-Shirt" blurb

"Overcoming the Nerves" blurb

Heaven and Hell

The Special

5. Do you respond to comments?

I always try my best to reply as soon as possible wether its an ask, reblog or comment. (Excluding wattpad, as i see that more like people annotating their reading and generally don't want to bother them. But i do always read them and appreciate them, and if something stands out or if someone comments a lot i will respond)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh i once killed reader off dramatically lol ("Car Crash" blurb) but I think the general reader's concensus would be Caught Me Slippin' , which I didn't even intend to make that angsty, but people cried (allegedly). And honestly, while i apologise for the emotional damage, i do take it as the highest compliment to be able to evoke such feelings.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stories are quite happy and i'm not sure how to rate "happiness".

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I am actually surprised how scarce the hate is, and usually in the form of anons, because I always expect people to hate me. But thats on insecurities. Honestly, writing on here has always been amazing.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. I hate it tho 😫 like, love smut in theory and concept but it's a bitch to write.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I love a lengthy and extended au, often inspired by other works (Not Wholly Evil is basically Stranger Things x Pirates of the Caribbean) but i think the only clear "crossover" i (remember to) have written would be Murder on the Dancefloor ??? which would be a tom holland x Strictly Come Dancing crossover lmao. I do often think about tv show crossovers in concept tho, but doubt i'll write any.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup. Shit sucks.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, but it was done without my permission and uncredited (which is still stealing!!) so that sucks.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've dabbled in co-writing, haha, several times avtually, but for one reason or another, none of the projects were ever published. Would love to one day actually fully co-write something with someone on here.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Ngl, i'm not sure I have one. Probably why all of my stories are 'x reader'.

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At this point I think this about every single one of my WIPs and that's writer's block for ya.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm...i'd like to think the expression of emotion, showing how characters feel. And maybe world building- or thats at least my favorite thing in AUs. Maybe also details (either motives, references or foreshadowing)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm horrible at pacing. Always feel like i go too slow with the plot and then suddenly too fast and its all a mess, especially when it comes to series. Also just general knowledge on things; i feel like i don't know enough things to write about when it comez to daily and regular life, or even how to normally interact with people so that makes things hard when trying to be realistic. I also feel like i don't know enough words??? So things get really repetitive.

Oh, and this is also an aspect of writing- i'm horrible at getting feedback in the form of proofreading. It makes me physically sick having someone go through my work like that, and I barely do it myself. Which may result in some horrible typos/mistakes. And i do apologise profusely for that. Believe me, if you caught a mistake in my fic, i still think about it to this day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in different languages?

Its always better if the writer is familiar with the language. Things you're comfortable with writing translate over better to the reader. It's like in movies/tv, its always better when you have an actor speaking a language they actually know. And if you don't know it, 1) ask yourself why are you writing it then and then 2) better research the hell out of it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fic, that has since been deleted for a long time, was on wattpad and it was for a youtuber lmao. (peak 2013/15 era, thats all i'm gonna say)

20. Favorite fic(s) you've written?

From my most recent, in no particular order:

Following the Herd (eddie munson)

The Special (Sanji)

Not Wholly Evil (Eddie Munson)

Biggest Fan (Buggy)

Headlights (Eddie Munson)

This was so much fun to do at 4/5 am haha. Thank you for the tag again. Here are some peeps i'll be tagging (no pressure) 💜

@mydearzero @spiderrrling @eddies-house @elvendria @josephfakingquinn

[marriedzukka]

5, 11, 17 for retgmt <3

hi jo beloved my number one retgmt warrior <3<3

5. Where did you write this fic? Is that your favorite spot to write?

all over, but probably mostly in my bed or at the desk in my room. i write a lot at work too when there's downtime but I prefer doing it at home in my cozy space with no interruptions (other than my cat)

11. Was there a scene that you hadn't originally planned to include? Why did you decide to fit it in?

soo many omg...but there a few that come to mind:

1) jet giving sokka a pep talk. jet only plays a very small part in this story so I wasn't sure if I should keep it in, but sokka also needed a reality check from someone who didn't care about his feelings as much as his friends/family lmao.

2) iroh's letter to lu ten. it started as just an exercise in trying to find his voice, and i almost didn't include it because it was hard to find a good spot for it. but people still comment about that part specifically so I'm really glad I kept it in!!

3) sokka's conversation with katara, aang, and toph when zuko was Going Through It. round-table scenes like that are so hard because there's so many people to keep track of and i wasn't sure if it was too clunky, but sokka also needed a pep talk and new perspective from his people so I decided to keep it.

4) zuko's conversation with hakoda. I don't know what it was about this scene that was so damn hard to write but other than the huge emotional parts of that chapter, this was definitely the hardest scene to get right. I knew that I wanted them to have a conversation but i couldn't figure out how to get the two of them alone in a way that was natural. But then it finally clicked when I remembered that I had literally already set up the fact that Sokka was trying to pay more attention to when Zuko needed a break, so it gave me a chance to show Sokka actually doing that AND get Zuko alone.

17. What was the hardest scene to write?

hmmm. tough choice, I've cried so many very real tears writing this thing but apart from the big relationship moments, which I'm always concerned with getting just right, I think the hardest to write was when Zuko finally breaks down in chp. 14. That shit was rough. I had to really dig into those feelings and try to express what grief feels like (it feels like So Much), and also simplify it in a way that made sense and resonated. And then because I love making things even more complicated for myself, I decided to put some flashbacks in that scene too. Those ended up being necessary but I was definitely struggling to make the whole thing flow in a way that made sense.

13.My favorite line of dialogue from this fic was [xyz]. What inspired it?

🥺🥺🥺 i love that line too, I think it sums them up so well. I'm not sure if there was anything specific that inspired it, but I wanted to call back to earlier in the chapter when they were looking through pictures together and Sokka made him say that he deserved good things. And it got to a point when Sokka was finally like, fine- don't believe me? I'll show you myself!!!!