#and it reminds me that i will make it through! someday i will be where i want to be

[xxplastic-cubexx]

personal happiness or what the fuck ever

bonus:

[mer-se]

lil hiatus away

[welcometogrouchland]

Okay I think I actually love the Brazilian dub of toh (<- I do not speak Portuguese)

[lena-oleanderson]

my version of "i wonder what else they have written - RPF hockey???" is my 22 ghostbusters (2016) fanfics i wrote within 2 of my 8 years on ao3

[xinghius]

There Is A Place For You

"Saeee?"

It's supposed to be on for another three minutes, the face mask he's wearing — given how much he paid for it, he sure as fuck planned on getting his money's worth — but if the way you call out for him from the bedroom isn't enough to get him to peel the soaked sheet off his face in haste, he isn't sure what else would be. "Coming," he intones.

Four minutes earlier than planned, Sae steps out of the bathroom, his footsteps silent as he crosses over the threshold, the towel in his hand soaking up excess droplets of water forming puddles in his hair. Hanging it over his shoulders when he's finally done, his forehead puckers at the sight laid out in front of him.

You're huddled up in bed, blanket tucked underneath the dip of your chin, your arms spread over its surface — like melted butter over toasted bread.

He almost melts, too.

It's nothing out of the ordinary, seeing you like this. The only stroke out of place in this picture of normalcy is the fact that you're still awake; you've usually tilted to sleep by now.

(Despite valiant efforts to stay up to welcome him with open arms, with how demanding his schedule is — and how often it translates to him staying overtime to take showers in musk scented locker rooms — it's no more than an exercise in futility.)

"I got lonely," you confess

You pat down the area beside you in invitation — the space you reserve for him, despite how often vacancy occupies it in his stead. "Join me?" you say, your lips just out into a pout. The same one that never fails to get you what you want.

He rolls his eyes, slipping on a fresh shirt over his head — an action you respond to with a whiny protest — before reprimanding you on the importance of routine.

His, at least.

Still, he ends up lying next to you anyway, the final step of his skincare neglected, his shirt long abandoned on the floor, and your fingers tracing arbitrary shapes on his chest.

Wherever the fuck his towel went, he has no idea either.

You hum in content, pressed warm against his skin. He has half the mind to say something, but he's never been much of a talker, and the whirring of the ceiling fan above feels sufficient enough to inhabit the silence.

For you, not too much.

"Can I kiss you?" Your voice slices a clean cut right through it, reaching his heart as well.

He glances at you askance, raising an eyebrow. Inquisitive. Maybe a tad vexed. Flipping onto his side and propping up against an elbow, he looks almost betrayed. "That's a stupid question," he arraigns, the accusatory inflection in his tone unmistakable.

"There's no such thing as a stupid question," you say.

He scoffs.

"Coming from your mouth, there's always plenty."

You feign hurt like the liar you are, pressing a hand over your heart as if guarded. "So mean, Itoshi-san," you scold. "Watch your mouth before I throw you on the couch," you warn, inching away.

"Last name basis?" he teases with guile, closing the new distance you created. "You're going to be an Itoshi someday, too," he reminds, lips ghosting the shell of your ear.

The warmth of it sends a lick of heat creeping up your spine. You tell him to shut up, maintaining feigned annoyance for a good minute. Twenty seconds after that you're melting into him again, falling victim to his spell. He squeezes your thigh and you frown.

"You suck."

He laughs. "I know, baby."

"And you're mean."

This, he clicks his tongue at. His eyes crinkle at their corners and he lets out a noise of dissent. He wouldn't call himself the beau ideal of a lover, per se — then again, no one would — but for all his imperfections, his actions make up for the lack of honesty he can't seem to put into words.

"You're the mean one."

He doesn't struggle, dragging your weight to drape you across his chest. Your thighs cage the sides of his own in the blink of an eye and you can't help letting out a gasp at the suddenness of it all. This contact. Where you press against. Where he allows you to.

A millimeter of distance occupies the gap separating you and him; you still, unsure whether you can move, or even breathe.

He thinks it's cute, your hesitation. On the other hand, it can be annoying at times, how shy you are. How you always feel the need to hold back. To ask, when he's always been willing to give you anything. Anything. Even his last name.

It's offensive how you have yet to see it.

"Look at me," he says.

Wordless, you obey.

He cradles your head in his hands, swiping his fingers along the length of your jaw and reveling in the way you shudder at his touch.

"I told you last time—" he whispers. Still, it remains as sharp as a reminder, one he prays will stick "—you don't need to ask."

It's delicate, this line he treads. He has always been one for taking, after all. Never giving. And often, he is wary just how much generosity he can offer before it turns into some sort of weakness. But when he kisses you and you reciprocate in kind, if not with more desire, he understands why Caesar surrendered himself into the hands of Cleopatra, understands why Antony devoted himself to that love, too.

Maybe it's a horrible analogy, and maybe he's got his facts wrong — he doesn't know much about history, doesn't care enough to, either — but if you can learn to take, and he can learn to give, maybe one day he can learn to be a suave romantic.

But for now, he's content with interrupted giggles and pleads to resurface for air.

[deargojou]

╔══ஓ๑ 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐄 ๑ஓ══╗

∷ 𝙿𝙰𝙸𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 ⋯ Gojo Satoru x F!Reader

∷ 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃 ⋯ 2.2K // Fluff. Pet names (baby + angel).

∷ 𝚂𝚄𝙼𝙼𝙰𝚁𝚈 ⋯ He proposed to you in his dream, and when he wakes up, you’re officially his—to his confusion and delight.

Gojo slowly blinked open his eyes, gradually emerging from the haze of sleep. He became aware of the warm weight pressed against his side and looked down to see you nestled close, head pillowed on his chest as you continued to slumber. A small, content smile pulled at his lips and he brushed his fingers through your hair, careful not to wake you.

As he admired you in repose, he noticed your hand resting over his heart, fingers loosely curled. The morning sunlight streaming in through the curtains caught on something shiny adorning your ring finger—a delicate band topped with a sparkling gemstone.

His brow furrowed slightly. He didn’t remember proposing, yet here you were wearing what could only be an engagement ring. Carefully, trying not to wake you, he lifted your hand to get a better look at the ring. It was a simple but elegant diamond solitaire on a silver band.

Definitely an engagement ring.

Gojo racked his brain, but he couldn’t recall buying it or asking you to marry him.

A feeling of panic started rising within him. How could he have proposed and not remember it? That didn’t make any sense.

He loved you more than anything, of course, he wanted to marry you someday. But he would never forget something so important.

He glanced back down at your sleeping face, now feeling utterly confused. Where did this ring come from? Did you somehow found out about the ring he hid and decided to just wear it? Or was this some kind of prank? None of the possibilities made sense.

Still puzzled, he sighed and softly set your hand back down and pressed a light kiss to your forehead before carefully extracting himself from your embrace.

You mumbled in your sleep and clutched at the spot he had vacated, making him smile fondly. He tucked the blankets more snugly around you before quietly slipping out of the bedroom.

In the kitchen, Gojo busied himself making tea with tons of sugar cubes and breakfast, all the while turning over the mystery of the ring in his mind. The sizzling of smoked beef and the aroma of fresh tea eventually lured you from bed.

You padded into the kitchen dressed in one of his t-shirts and wrapped your arms around him from behind. “Morning,” you murmured, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades.

He turned in your embrace and noted the ring still prominently displayed on your finger. “Morning. Sleep well?”

You nodded and smiled up at him. “Like a rock. You?”

“Just fine.” He caresses your cheeks, letting his fingers trail along your jaw. “I couldn’t help but notice your ring this morning.”

“Huh?”

“Where did you get that ring?” he asked.

Your brow furrowed. “What ring?”

Gojo lifted your hand, displaying the diamond ring for you to see.

“Oh…” you finally realize what he’s talking about, softening your eyes as you gaze at the ring. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“It certainly is. Now, would you mind reminding me when I gave it to you? My memory is a little fuzzy on the details.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “You mean… you don’t remember proposing to me?”

He shook his head apologetically and laughed somewhat nervously. “I wish I could say I did. I think I’d remember proposing to you.”

You just stare him for a long moment before you dropped your gaze. “I see,” you said quietly.

Immediately, Gojo tilted your chin back up with a knuckle under your jaw. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, baby. I just… I want to remember something as important as asking you to marry me, and it’s bothering me that I can’t.” He caresses your cheek ever so gently. “Talk to me. Help me fill in the blanks?”

You stare down at the glittering diamond on your finger, a slight pang in your chest at the realization that he doesn’t remember proposing to you. You take a deep breath and offer him a comforting smile.

“It’s okay that you don’t remember,” you say gently. “I know you’ve been so busy with work lately. Honestly, I’m just happy you found a chance to surprise me at all.”

You reach to squeeze his hand, hoping your understanding will reassure him. You know Gojo loves you deeply, his forgetfulness doesn’t change that. Still, you had hoped the moment he asked you to be his wife would be seared into his mind just as indelibly as it is in yours.

Gojo frowns, clearly bothered. “I’m so sorry, baby. I wish I could recall every detail. Asking you to marry me should be the most unforgettable moment of my life.” He brings your hand to his lips, brushing a feather-light kiss over the ring. “You deserve to have a fiancé who cherishes that memory as much as you do.”

You shake your head, touched by his remorse. “You do cherish me, even if the specifics slipped your mind this time. It’s really okay.” You squeeze his hand again. “Now, tell me more about this lovely ring. Did you pick it out yourself?”

You try to steer the conversation to lighter topics, but Gojo remains preoccupied. As you chat over breakfast, his responses are distracted, his gaze drifting frequently to the ring that has become a symbol of his perceived failure.

Later, as you clean up the breakfast dishes, he comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. He presses a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m taking you out again tonight to recreate our engagement, exactly as it should be remembered,” he murmurs. “I won’t rest until I’ve made this right.”

You turn in his arms and cup his face in your hands. “Satoru, please don’t beat yourself up over this. I already told you, it’s okay.” You search his eyes, trying to convey your sincerity.

He covers your hands with his own and turns his head to kiss your palm. "It’s not okay with me," he says seriously. “You deserve the proposal you’ve always imagined. I want to replace this memory with one we can both cherish.”

“It’s okay, love. Really. You must have been tired when you—” and he doesn’t let you finish your word.

“No excuses,” he interrupts. “Let me make it up to you today.”

Seeing how important this is to him, you nod reluctantly. “Alright. If it will make you feel better.”

His expression softens. “It will. Trust me.” He kisses you tenderly then sends you off to pamper yourself while he makes plans.

Before you can protest, Gojo whisks you back to bed, insisting you relax while he pampers you all day. He brings breakfast on a silver tray—pancakes drizzled in syrup, mixed berries, and sweet tea.

Wrapping you in a plush robe, Gojo ushers you to the room, where he’s arranged for a massage therapist, manicurist, and hairstylist to spend the afternoon primping and relaxing you. Once you’re thoroughly pampered, Gojo presents you with a gift box.

“Just a little something to complement your existing beauty,” Gojo murmurs.

You start to protest the extravagance, but Gojo silences you with a kiss. “No complaints, let me spoil you today.”

He also takes you shopping and encourages you to pick out anything your heart desires, no matter the price.

At dinner, take you to the most exclusive 5-star restaurant in town. The maître d’ promptly escorts you to the best table, overlooking the cityscape.

He orders a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne (since he can’t drink), and you dine on lobster, filet mignon, and decadent desserts. He insists on hand-feeding you chocolate-dipped strawberries, stealing occasional kisses between bites.

Over dessert, he presents you with a beautiful new silver bracelet to complement your ring. He promised again that he would re-propose soon with a memory to cherish.

“You are too much sometimes. How could I repay you?” you sigh, basking in his treatment.

“Just you by my side is more than enough. Oh, maybe some late-night stress release would be nice,” he bites his lower lip with a playful wink.

After a romantic dinner, Gojo takes you back to the beautiful park fountain where he first asked you out. Under the shimmering lights, he drops gracefully to one knee and pours out his heart, confessing his unwavering love and asking you once more for the honor of becoming his wife.

“My beautiful angel, will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife? I promise to love, cherish, and adore you every moment of every day for the rest of our lives. What do you say, baby?”

Without wasting a second, you answered. The delight on your face when you say yes again makes his heart swell.

This time as he slips the ring onto your finger, unfallen tears make his eyes glossy. He remembers vividly selecting the perfect diamond, picturing how it would look adorning your hand.

He stands and gathers you into his arms. “Thank you for giving me a second chance to get this right,” he murmurs against your hair. “I’ll never forget a single moment of this night for as long as I live.”

You cling to him, your own eyes misty. “I know you won’t,” you whisper.

Gojo tilts your chin up to meet your gaze. “You’re so beautiful, baby… I love you."

He seals that promise with a long, deep kiss under the glow of the fountain, leaving you both breathless.

Once you both pull away, you smile up at him, but then begin to giggle. He looks at you in confusion as your giggles grow into full laughter.

“What’s so funny?” he asks with a perplexed smile.

You take a moment to compose yourself before answering, amusement dancing in your eyes. “The truth is, you didn’t actually forget our proposal.”

“Huh?” He looked more confused than ever. “What do you mean?” he holds your face firmly like he’s searching for an answer behind your laughter.

“You did it in your sleep!”

His eyes widened in surprise. “What? I sleep proposed to you?”

You grin and nod, taking his hands in yours. “Yes! That night, you suddenly shook me awake in bed. Your eyes were closed but you took my hand and started rambling this utterly romantic speech about how much you loved me and wanted us to be together forever. Then you pressed the ring box into my palm and mumbled something adorable like ‘Be mine always?’”

You have to pause as another fit of giggles takes over while he just stares at you, dumbfounded.

“Naturally, I said yes,” you continue, “because awake or asleep, I’ll always accept your proposal. You slipped the ring onto my finger, gave me a sweet kiss, and then promptly rolled over and started snoring!”

Now you’re laughing so hard there are tears in your eyes. Gojo remains frozen for a beat before breaking into laughter too.

“I proposed to you in my sleep? And have no memory of it at all?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Well, that certainly explains my confusion this morning.”

You nod, still grinning. “I realized you must have done it in your sleep, but I didn’t want to say anything at first. I thought your dramatic distress over forgetting was too adorable!”

You dissolve into giggles again. Gojo chuckles and pulls you into his arms. “You find my suffering amusing, do you? You act all sad and pouty when in reality you knew about this?” He tickles your sides playfully, making you squeal.

“How was it being spoiled, hmm?” He showers your face with kisses as he tickles your side. He said that as if he doesn’t spoil you often already.

When your laughter finally subsides, Gojo gazes at you tenderly and brushes a tear from your cheek. “I’m glad one of us will remember the actual proposal, even if I was unconscious about it.”

He pauses before speaking again, “Though now I’m wondering if I should redo it a third time?”

You smile and wrap your arms around his neck. “I think twice is enough, don’t you think? Or do you just want another excuse to propose to me?”

You lean in and kiss him sweetly. Gojo hums against your lips. “You’re right as always. I wouldn’t change a thing about how we got here.”

He holds you close, admiring the ring on your finger. “Well, we’re now officially engaged to be married. That’s all that matters.”

You snuggle into his embrace, heart overflowing with love. “So, tell me, what were you dreaming that night when you proposed to me,” you ask with a giggle, finding the situation weirdly funny.

“Oh!” His eyes widened. “That must have been some dream I had.” He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I guess my subconscious wanted to make our engagement official before my conscious mind caught up.”

You laugh and hug him tighter. “Clearly your heart knew what it wanted even if your brain didn’t yet.” You pause. “But what made you decide to propose in your dream? We’ve never really talked about marriage.”

Gojo wraps his arms around you. “Honestly? We were on a romantic getaway in my dream. We’d spent the whole day exploring together and I was just overwhelmed by how perfectly happy I felt with you.”

He smiles softly, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I looked over at you watching the sunset, and it just hit me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, making you this happy. I realized at that moment that I couldn’t imagine a future without you as my wife. So dream-me proposed on the spot.”

Your smile at his tender words. You cup his face and kiss him again. “Well, I’m thankful for the dream-you were brave enough to ask before real-you.” You grin playfully and chuckle. “Yeah, you might as well be begging dream-me to re-propose in your sleep.”

You snuggle closer. “Maybe we should just let our dream-selves get married too, so both versions of us can be happy.”

He hums thoughtfully. “Not a bad idea. We could have a double ceremony. One dream wedding and one awake.”

“And I can’t wait to spend forever with you, whether you’re awake or asleep when you ask.”

Gojo laughs and kisses the top of your head. “I promise I’ll stay conscious for the actual wedding ceremony,” he teases.

“We’ll see. Maybe sleepwalking Satoru will surprise me again.”

As he gazes into your eyes, his expression becomes serious. “Mmm, marrying you for real is my dream come true. I can’t wait to call you my wife.”

[ma1dita]

a wish your heart makes

a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader

words: 1.4k

summary: (established relationship) The one where you share dreams, burn cookies, and it still reminds him of home. You try to do something nice for your boyfriend and everything goes wrong, or so you think. Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader

a/n: I thought about May Castellan, alone in her kitchen, baking cookies and making sandwiches for a son who would never come ho—OH FUCK OFF, UNCLE RICK. sidenote this haunted me.

(posted 1/26/24 unbetad)

—

Luke’s dreams were always different from yours. 

Both when he’s awake and holding your hand up until sleep finally rips him away from your earthly embrace, he’s always been certain of who he was and what he wants to achieve. To be a hero providing salvation for the needy, to be a half-blood son worth the love of a god, and to be a fierce soldier, leading his troop into battle for glory. These are the thoughts he routinely pounds into his brain, so much so that anyone who knows him knows of his aspirations.

You don’t think you’ve ever met anyone so insistent on wanting to be remembered. Luke wants to leave a legacy worth dying for, worth talking about for millenia to come. And your boy persists, despite the trials of life, the ignorance of his father, and the strings of the Fates.

Your dreams, however, were always much simpler. 

Cuddled under your covers and brushing your lips against Luke’s forehead to quell the growing unease that occupies his brain, you whisper what you deeply wish for.

“We’re getting old,” you mumble, and the breath of his laugh tickles your ear. He lazily runs his nose against the slope of your collarbone, sighing when he finally hears the steady beat of your chest, “We’ve definitely surpassed the average life expectancy of a typical demigod. Look at us…” he jests.

Your breath jumps in amusement as you feel his lips against your sternum, and then your boyfriend is smiling against your heart, using you for comfort as you both pass the time waiting for Hypnos to come calling.

“In a year, we’ll be nineteen…And I know you never wanted to stay here forever, so… What’s next?”

You hold in a bated breath, always unsure of where to place yourself in rank of his priorities. Who were you if not his biggest supporter?

Luke contemplates for a moment in the silence of your bedroom. It’s much easier to think and have more adult… conversations… without the many meddling children of cabin 11 always asking for one more lullaby, one more glass of water, and one more tuck-in goodnight. Here in the privacy of your room, he gets to be a boy void of his responsibilities besides hiding under his girlfriend’s duvet, giving her another shirt of his to wear, and kissing her until Apollo’s rays of light gently help you wake.

“You tell me, Trouble. What does the future have in store for us?”

Us.

He’s sweet to indulge in your fantasies like this, and you stroke your fingers through his curls as you speak, ‘I think it’d be nice to go to college. Made it this far, so maybe being normal won’t be so hard…”

A soft noise leaves his throat, urging you to continue as you bite your lip and smile.

“Maybe someday, we could get a house. One on top of a hill. I don’t need much, something like the Big House, but one we can call home.”

You can feel the teeth of his sleepy grin against your skin as he whispers the next words into your heart.

“We could do that. House with big bay windows, and the smell of my mom’s chocolate chip cookies in the air. Sounds nice, baby.”

And it does.

Luke’s eyes flutter shut shortly after, but your mind is awake with how to make the dream you now share a reality. Perhaps you couldn’t give him glory, or pray hard enough to Hermes so that he’d talk to his son, but you reckon that chocolate chip cookies would be easy enough. 

—

At least, it was supposed to be—until you set off the smoke alarm again.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” 

Clouds of grey are billowing from the communal kitchen oven after your multiple attempts of trying to get this right. The dryads had both partially given up on the havoc you wrecked upon their workspace as well as your increasing frustration towards them. It wasn’t their fault, you knew that—but as a perfectionist who followed the recipe to a t, how was it possible that everything was still going wrong? The first batch, you got too excited and mixed all the ingredients together, making them lumpy and inconsistent. The second batch was over-creamed, and you had to scrape them off the tray, and with this one… well you had the oven setting on a bit too high.

You sigh deeply, pressing the palms of your hands into your eyes as you try to will away the mania creeping up your neck. Being the daughter of the god of insanity was hard, having to consistently control your emotions for the sake of others. Taking a shaky breath, you stare blankly at the darkened cookies, close to being burned to a crisp. The jingle of the windchime against the door rings across the room and you barely hear it until you feel Luke’s hands skate past your waist to go open a window.

“What’d you get into now, Trouble? Been looking for you,” he says, coughing lightly from the smoke.

You groan, trying to cover the mess behind you on the counter and accidentally catching your arm on the hot tray, making you flinch.

“Ow! Ugh, babe, you’re not supposed to be here yet! I thought you were still sparring…”

Your boyfriend approaches you, squeezing your arm to examine if you’ve gotten hurt and tugging you towards him.

“That was an hour ago—how long have you been here, baby?” Luke pulls you into his arms, placing a kiss on your warm wrist, instantly soothing your anxiety until you see his eyes meet your latest failure.

“You bake now?”

“Clearly not, Luke, I’m sorry…I tried but I kept getting it wrong and then I got mad at myself for fucking up something so…” your voice weakens, tears welling in your eyes again thinking you’ve disappointed him.

Luke steps away from you and towards the kitchen counter, warm cookies browned to a crisp. He reaches out to pick one up before you can stop him, crunching down on it, the bittersweet taste filling his mouth as he sniffs.

Just like his mother would make them, through her madness and all.

He’s transported back to a memory of a house with big bay windows, kind of like the one you two dreamt up last night, but he’s nine and sitting at the kitchen table drinking Kool-Aid while his mom makes peanut butter sandwiches. May Castellan forgets the cookies in the oven again, and for a moment, Luke forgets that the last time he saw his mother was a lifetime ago. 

He doesn’t realize he’s crying until he feels your fingertips brushing away the saltwater from his cheeks.

“Didn’t mean to make you cry, angelface, I’m sorry…” you mumble, but stop speaking when you see him take another bite.

“They’re great.”

“What?”

He chomps on another singed cookie, his lips quirking into a soft smile. Luke’s not going to let you throw the rest of this batch out. Chuckling weakly, he lifts you onto the kitchen counter as he slots himself between your legs, rough hands patting your thighs.

“Well, they’re not great. But they’re perfect. Just the way I remember them,” he smiles, kissing the furrow in your brow. You don’t bother trying to comprehend his statement, happy that you didn’t mess up a memory he holds dear. 

Luke wonders if maybe he’s been blessed by his father after all, to have such extreme luck to exist at the same time as you. He doesn’t answer to the gods, to fate, but he does answer when you call his name, and settles into your arms. Love is an action after all, uncontained by just words, and he knows you tried your best, which makes it more than enough.

“She would’ve loved you, I’m sure of it,” he says rubbing his nose against yours before you can interject again, “I love you, so I know she would’ve too.”

Luke presses a tender kiss against the palm that caresses his jaw, before meeting you in the middle and finding your lips. It’s a dance you two have memorized, sweet and breathless as you meld both of your grins together. To him, you taste like chocolate chips and feel like home.

“I love you too, angelface. Almost burned the kitchen down for you,” your chuckle is cut off when he goes to press against your pout again hungrily, tracing patterns against the soft skin of your thighs as he just eats you up. The sound of your moans escapes between kisses as you wind your legs around his waist and it dampens the sound of the kitchen timer when it goes off. 

(You forcibly have to detach from Luke’s embrace, much to his displeasure so that you don’t burn the next batch too.)

—

"Your name is humming inside my chest. I think this is what it means to love. I think this is what it means to be living." -Emma Bleker

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[catboybiologist]

Hey it's a life update that probably no one cared about or asked for

tl;dr: I'm likely quitting my PhD via mastering out, and leaving my program in June.

sappy, overly emotional vent/explanation:

I'm wrapping up my first quarter as an out-of-the-closet trans woman. I've had some serious conversations about where me and my work stand. This was always my intention after coming back from my summer hiatus/social transition: see how "reentry" works, and then assess from there.

For those that don't know, PhDs in the US take 5-7 years. Oftentimes, however, they either give you a master's along the way, or give you an option to quit halfway through with a master's. I'm in my 3rd year and have more than enough to use that option. I've toyed with this idea before, but it feels a bit different now. Last year, I was burned out from science, my project was failing, and I was under constant stress of boymoding and remaining in the closet. Now, I'm out and proud, and I deeply love my project and find it exciting. I fixed some things.

Unfortunately, I have a recurrent problem. Whenever something goes wrong in my life, the first thing to drop off is my ability to drive forward my own thesis project in a coherent way. What the actual problems are vary, but that motif stays the same. I could list off what's going on right now, but I think y'all can assume a bit of what a mid-20s, broke, recently transitioned trans woman in the US is going through at the moment. There's a lot of specifics, of course, but I'm not at liberty to say most of it.

So I'm looking around and realizing I have scraps of half finished projects, I've given support and help for other people's projects.... and then made little progress on my actual thesis. It's enough to pull together into a master's thesis, and maybe even another paper or two, but.... not a PhD.

And then there's the other side of it. The nicer reasons. Could I stay here, buckle down, maybe add years to my degree, and get through it? Probably. But honestly? I don't really want to put myself through that now. It used to be that academics was all I had. It was all my failures and all my successes. It's what I threw myself at, because I genuinely had nothing else going on. Since transitioning, the world seems so much more beautiful and rich, so much more complex and vast, with so much more to do in it. I've even had more negative experiences unrelated to academia, and while they've sucked, they've shown me that life is so much bigger than it was before.

To be blunt, to experience more of my life... it helps to have money, and it helps to have career stability. It's not the only factor by far, but certainly one defining moment when making this decision was trying to create a timeline and budget for transition related surgeries, and realizing that its near impossible in grad school.

Not to be dramatic, but I've also had a couple extremely jarring experiences in the past year that are reminded me that life is short. And I want at least some time to enjoy it.

My heart is honestly broken here, and I'm feeling extremely emotional about this. I love my lab, my colleagues, the environment of doing research, and my project. But I'm realizing that it might not be viable, or what makes me the happiest at the moment. I'm genuinely a bit distraught, and I've been crying a lot for the past few days. A lot of me feels like this is what I am, and this is what I'm good for. That I'm failing myself and every mentor that got me here. Some part of me knows that isn't true, some part of me can't let go of those feelings.

But, I know this doesn't mean "never". So many of the people in my program are significantly older than me, coming back later in life to get their degrees. I'm honestly almost positive that I'll come back to a PhD someday if I quit now. In my 30s or beyond, I think that I'll be able equipped to handle it much better.

So what's next?

Obviously, nothing is decided, and I'm just spitballing here. But I'm honestly shocked at how many viable options I have, in a very good way. A cursory scroll of Indeed was honestly therapeutic. As I said, I still love the academic research environment. I just need more money and stability, and would prefer to have a slightly different relationship to the work I do than a thesis project. Ideally, I would want to be a staff researcher in an institute or academic lab. That lets me keep a lot of the things I like about what I do now, while also making literally 2-3 times the money and having a more stable position.There's positions out there that maximize the contexts I'm the strongest and happiest with, while still being more steady and paying more. Hell, even if my responsibilities were identical, but I had more pay, I could probably more effectively address the personal problems I'm going through right now. I'm gonna stay in California for a lot of reasons, and I'm lucky that there's so many options within the state.

I have a bit of an oddball set of experience. I'll actually have two nonoverlapping master's if I do this. I already have a MS in bioinformatics, which was granted by a CS department. But my current program is in more "pure" molecular and cell biology. I'll have 5 years of grad school, 8.5 years of research experience if I include undergrad research, and instead of a PhD, 2 MSs. Which is kinda funny. But it think it helps represent my experience for what it is. I like to consider myself a "full stack" bioinformaticist- someone who can do both the experimental and analysis portions of experiments that produce large data. Hopefully I'll be able to put that to good use.

I have a lot of professional contacts that I'll slowly be reaching out to over the course of the next 6 months while I tie things up. I know this is a wildshot on tumblr of all places, but if anyone has any recommendations, advice, or contacts, I'm all ears- both for professional and job hunt related things, and also the emotional state I'm in right now.

Thank you to everyone that's made up this wonderful community we have online. I hope I'm not letting anyone down. I'll still be a biologist, I'll still be my trans self. I just won't be "Doctor" anytime soon.

[residentflamingo]

Twice Members’ Favorite Places to Kiss You

Twice x fem! reader

Genre: fluff!!

Warnings: so sweet you’ll get a toothache <3

A/N: I have so many good drafts I want to share with you guys, but my motivation has been at 0% because school has been kicking me in the ass 💀✌️ But lately I have been getting a lot better, so more works are expected to come soon! Which also means I will be opening back up my requests box :D Someone did request me to write something a long time ago, and I’ve been steadily working on it over time. It’s got about 3,000 words on it, so as long as my lazy ass doesn’t put it off to writing it, that draft will be coming out soon as well. Thank you to all of you lovely people who have been patient, and also the ones that have been liking my posts. You guys are phenomenal and I love and appreciate all of you ❤️

Nayeon

Lips ♡

A very standard one, but well suitable for her

She loves how soft and plump your lips are

Like Sana, Nayeon is a very affectionate person

So after she’s had a loooong day at the studio, all she wants to do is give you some repetitive and silly kisses that end up in slow and passionate ones

(Sometimes she’ll even bite your lip if she’s feeling a little bit frisky that night…)

“Oh my gosh I missed you so much Y/N. You won’t believe how many new dance routines they made us learn today.”

Her favorite kinds of kisses are good luck kisses and goodnight kisses <3

(And the passionate ones of course ;)

Nayeon loves how sweet it feels to be able to show her love through a kiss, and be able to feel your soft lips in the process

Kissing your lips make her feel grounded, and wanting nothing more than to spend every moment of every day with you

Jeongyeon

Forehead ♡

Very domestic and homey feeling for her

Her kisses are always very sentimental and sweet

She doesn’t kiss as often as other people, which makes the wait worth it every time

“Here honey, you go lay down and rest. I can do the rest of the laundry for you.”

Always kisses you randomly and making sure it catches you off guard

She loves seeing you all flustered and shy <3

Kissing you on the forehead reminds her of being married to you someday, and just being able to protect you from harm

You are everything to her, and she never wants you to feel anything less than that

And if you’re shorter than her, then it’s an even better reason for her to kiss you on the forehead <3

Will also give you the biggest kiss when she comes home from work 🥺

“I missed you so much honey, what have you been up to?”

Momo

Tummy ♡

When you had previously told her about being insecure about your tummy, you never thought she would take it so seriously

But oh boy how wrong you were

It instantly became Momo's favorite place to kiss you

Momo made sure to always remember it so she could prove your insecurities wrong

She loves how soft and chunky your tummy is, and just can't ever get enough of it

Also loves how much you giggle when she kisses you

If you ever have those days where you're not feeling too great, she will start giving you kisses there first and make sure you feel so loved and beautiful

“You are so beautiful Y/N. Don’t you ever forget it.”

“Your stretch marks are not ugly at all honey I promise. They make you look even more gorgeous.”

She will sometimes leave hickies and bite marks there too, but only when she’s in the mood and you give her permission

If you are also pregnant, she will not hesitate to smother your tummy in kisses then too <3

It would be almost impossible for her to keep her hands off of you

Her end goal is to always make you feel loved, and to remind you that you are the most beautiful woman she has ever set her eyes on

Sana

Dimples ♡

We all know Sana is a very affectionate person. So choosing her favorite spot to kiss you would be impossible right?

Nope not at all for her.

The first thing that had drawn her to you was your radiant smile

But the deal breaker was the dimples that came along with it

She just couldn’t get enough of them

Once you guys had been dating for about 3-4 months, you both had gotten very comfortable with each other and started being all lovey dovey and such

That was when you noticed how much she loved to kiss your dimples

Any chance she could get, she made sure to kiss you in that same spot

It never failed to make you blush every time, and that’s part of the reason why she would constantly kiss you there

She also loves how well they compliment your face, and how adorable they make you look

“Y/N have I ever told you how much I love your dimples? They make you look so cute!” *pinches your cheeks*

Jihyo

Cheeks ♡

She doesn’t mind kissing on the lips. She loves it actually, but she just enjoys kissing your cheeks even more

Jihyo’s kisses are the most genuine ones you will ever feel in your entire life

Sometimes it’s hard for her to say how much she loves you outloud, so she’ll express it through her kisses

When you’re having a bad day and come home tired, she’ll wrap her arms around you and give soft pecks on your cheeks

Or when Jihyo has to leave for early morning dance practice, she’ll slowly wake you up by peppering your face with kisses too

It’s just a super sweet gesture for her, and your puffy cheeks are too cute for her to not kiss anyways

She loves the way you blush when she randomly walks up to you and kisses you

Jihyo adores you so much, even if it’s hard for her to say outloud sometimes

When she does, she makes sure it meaningful, and at the perfect time

“I love you so much Y/N. Even if I don’t say it outloud that much, I really do. You’re my world, and I never want you to feel any lesser than that.”

Mina

Nose ♡–-

When you confessed to her that you hated the shape/size of your nose, she made it one of her top priorities to make you feel less insecure about it

Her shy persona may keep her from expressing a lot of things, but it didn’t stop her from showing her affection for you

You were used to her always giving you warm hugs, and very soft kisses on the lips

But when she added your nose to the agenda, it was game over for you

She loves to kiss your nose when you look super cute, and she can’t handle it

Or when you’re doing something sweet for her like washing the dishes, or doing her laundry. She’ll always find a way to pay you back with affection

“Thank you so much baby. You’re so sweet.”

Over time your insecurities had slowly gone away after receiving so much love and support from her, making your nose the very very least of your worries

Having someone like her in your life made you realize that looks weren’t every thing, and that you never have to worry about when you’re with her

“Honey your nose is so cold. *kisses your nose* Here let me kiss it some more so it will feel warmer...”

Dahyun

Hands/ fingers ♡

Dahyun is very loving and sweet

She loves to hold your hand when you two are walking around Seoul together, or just cuddling on the couch

She loves the intimacy it brings between you two

If she doesn't express her love with words at the moment, she will express it with actions

She'll bring your hand up to her lip and pepper your knuckles, fingers, and whatever else with kisses

Something else that she would never admit, is how she loves the softness of your hands

It reminds her of when she was little, and she would hold her mother’s hand

Dahyun wants you to feel loved and adored by her at all times, even if it’s not verbally

When you guys are at restaurants, she will have no shame holding your hand from across the table and kissing it

“Dahyun be careful. People might see us.”

She’ll just laugh and say, “Let them. Nothing will ever stop me from expressing my love for you darling.”

Chaeyoung

Jawline/Neck ♡

We all know Chaeyoung is a big romantic

And can sometimes be a bit flirty with it too

So it’s no surprise that her favorite place to kiss you, would be the most intimate and steamy

Even though it is her favorite spot to kiss you, she doesn’t really kiss there very often

But when she does, she makes sure to go all out

She loves how intimate it is, and loves hearing/ seeing your reaction every time she kisses in that area

Most definitely will leave hickies too, so be aware when she starts going to town down there

“You like it when I kiss you like this baby?”

You can just already see her smirking while saying that…

She loves riling you up and making you melt from her touch <3

Tzuyu

Ears ♡

Tzuyu is a one-of-a-kind woman, and the sweetest one you have ever met

When you guys first started dating you it stayed at the awkward stage for a little bit longer than most couples

But when she started warming up to you, her affection towards you became even greater

It started with little kisses on the nose, then on the cheek, lips, she eventually progressed to your ears

You thought it was weird at first, but you eventually grew to love it

Tzuyu loves to hug you from behind because of the height difference, and she’ll often whisper in your ear how much she loves you

Sometimes she’ll nibble a little bit too after kissing it, but not very often

If you have slightly larger size ears, she would tease you about it every now and then

But not enough to where you would feel insecure

She just thinks your ears are super cute, and make you even more loveable

"I love you so much Y/N... Don't ever change. You are perfect just the way you are."

[ryebread0605]

Hello, if it's not a bother I would like to ask Jamil Viper with a reader like Gigi Grant, a genie who appeared in the movie 13 Monster Wishes (Monster High)

This is such a fun ask as someone who adored monster high growing up! No specification was given so I’m gonna do a mix of both smut and fluff! 

When he was sorting through the treasury, making sure nothing was stolen by some of the more sneaky dorm members, Jamil’s eyes fell upon something that made his eyes widen. A golden lamp, just like the ones in the stories of the sorcerer of the sands. It had intricate swirling details and diamonds encrusted in floral designs. Checking to make sure no one was around, he picked it up slowly and carefully. Sure, he had heard the stories of the genie growing up, but he simply thought it to be a way to downplay the insane power the sorcerer of the sands held. So, without thinking anything of it, he rubbed away a dirt spot on the lamp.

He nearly dropped it in shock as what looked to be a spirit emerged, dressed in dark red silks and adorned with golden jewelry. Your voice sounded like that of a sirens, luring him in as you spoke the words he had only heard of in legends, 

“Thank you for awakening me, master. How may I be of service to you?” The way you approached him reminded him of how he would approach Kalim, he had never expected to someday be in the position where someone else was his servant. Sure, he had long dreamed of it, but he never once imagined it would be anything more than a silly dream. 

“Sevens I’m going crazy, im hallucinating…” he just couldn’t believe this was real, although he lifted his head to the sound of your soft laughter. With a smile, you approached closer and gently took his hand in yours, looking up at him with the warmth and comfort he had never experienced before. And just like that, he understood for once what it felt like to have someone care about him. 

The first few days of having you around were… interesting… to say the least. He was still very hesitant to ask anything of you, especially anything that had to do with Kalim, but slowly overtime opened up more and more. It started small, just him asking to help him carry the clean clothes to Kalim’s room or to help sweep the lounge floors. It felt… nice. Having someone else help him made the chores more bearable and the chats you would have during them sometimes even made him smile. 

When he asked you for the first time to hug him, he was shocked by how gentle and loving it was. Not restrictive like Floyd’s or overpowering like Kalim’s, just soft and comforting. Almost like you wanted to make sure he could pull away if he wanted. But why would he want to, when it felt so natural and so right to be in your arms. That was the day he discovered how truly touch starved he was and how much your touch in particular made him feel safe. He still felt bad asking you for things, but your reassurance that your purpose was to answer to him made him feel slightly better.

(NSFW begins here please do NOT continue if you are a minor!)

As the days turned to months, he began to have a different kind of want for you. He noticed himself staring more as you did tasks and blushing anytime you smiled at him or hugged him. It took him talking to Ace of all people after a basketball game to figure out what was happening. 

He was in love.

He knew he couldn’t ever actually confess to you, but maybe he could find something else. And so, he called you into his room one night to ask you for a favor.

“You wish.. for me to do that? Are you sure master?” Your voice wasn’t one of hesitation despite your words, instead one of wanting to make sure you were hearing him correctly.

“Sevens it’s hard enough for me to even ask this.. p-please don’t make me ask again..” he covered his flushed face with one hand but quickly widened his eyes as he felt your hands on his belt.

“Very well master, I hope I can please you well.” 

He had his hand over his mouth desperate to muffle his moans as the other hand gripped his bedsheets, eyes shut in pleasure as your head bobbed up and down on his cock. Your tongue swirled along the rosewood coloured tip as saliva rolled down your chin. Looking up at him, your eyes locked with his brown ones before he gripped the back of your head and forced his cock down your throat, thick strings of cum flowing from his dick as he let out a muffled moan. Pulling your lips off with a pop, you licked your lips with a smile.

“I hope I did well, master. Maybe I can please you other ways sometime”

[yawujin]

Hello

So I don't know if you're opposed to writing for the v2 boys but if you aren't

Could you please write v2 boys x s/o who is very hard working so when they get focused they forget to eat or drink water a lot &(if you're comfy trans male reader) they forget to take their binder off and rest.

Thxxxxxxxx

ofc i'll write the sdr2 boys i love them

request | sdr2 boys x an S/O who is hard working

type | react , light hearted , non killing game , established relationship , trans male reader

hajime hinata ♡

respects you for working so hard

always reminding you to take a break

hajime's a good listener so you can go to him to talk about work troubles you have

he secretly daydreams of another life where you two can just relax 24/7 so you do not have to worry so much about work

admires and appreciates all that you do

gets really excited when you finally finish your work for the day

kazuichi souda ♡

he gets it

relates to you bc he has had to stay up late working and fixing things

he learned the hard way that he must always keep water or something to hydrate himself while working

he's lowkey the type to ask "have you eaten yet?"

he cares sm about you

even though sometimes he also forgets to pack some lunch for himself for work lol

you two look out for each other always <3

fuyuhiko kuzuryu ♡

you already know he's the type to text you constantly throughout the day

"you're going to eat right?" "there has to be something in the vending machines there you can buy."

angry texts when you say all you had so far was some crappy instant coffee

even angrier texts when you tell him you're working after hours

always insistant on you taking a break (even if you just started working on something)

"i love you so much and if somehow someday you collapse while working i'll never forgive myself"

gundham tanaka ♡

orders you to stop working and take a break

no seriously, he orders you to take some time off

"the supreme overlord of ice commands you to STOP!"

he demands you come to bed and keep him warm

but first he reminds you to take off your armor (referring to your binder)

you still had it on oops

you just laugh a little bit and change

finally, you both can get some rest after a long day

nekomaru nidai ♡

he reminds you not to push yourself too hard

"it's kind of like training, you must know your limits!"

is willing to make a list for with designated times for breaks in your schedule

gets hyped up when you have a day off so you two can finally have a date/datenight

has a whole lot of respect for you and your ability to push through especially hard days

"just keep it in the back of your mind that i'll always be here if you need me for something, got it?"

ultimate imposter ♡

brings food to you

gently urges you to take a break

hugs from behind while you work

prefers it when you work from home

picks you up from work whenever he can

teruteru hanamura ♡

when you come home, the first thing he does is feed you

he makes all your favorite dishes ofc

he can always tell if you neglected yourself during work hours

"can't fool me, as your boyfriend i know what you need!"

keeps track of your days off incase you try to get a head start in working on something new

"nope sorry! can't have that today. you and i are due for a date at the diner"

sends you positive and encouraging and rather suggestive messages while you are at work

nagito komaeda ♡

very persuasive when he's trying to get you to rest after a long work day

you finally choose rest and nagito over more paperwork you need to sort out

"tomorrow's always there" he reassures you

"oh and, make sure to take that off" he says, looking at your binder

you almost finished changing without doing so

nagito gives you some affirmations while you drift off to sleep

"you work too hard..." he sighs sadly. "goodnight~"

⋆ ˚｡⋆ my ao3

[soobnny]

voicemails sim jake leaves you while he’s on tour — fluff, established relationship, tiny bit of angst

heeseung | jay | JAKE | sunghoon | sunoo | jungwon | ni-ki

one. we’re on our way to the airport right now, babe. new york is next on the list, ah, i’ve always wanted to go. maybe next time we can go togeth— shut up! no wait, that wasn’t for you baby. wait, give me a second. sunghoon, if you don’t stop mocking me right now, i’m pushing you off this car! okay, hi babe. where was i? oh, yeah, airport. i miss you! i’ll call you when we land.

two. ah, the views here are so pretty. well, of course, you’re prettier than them, but their beauty will have to suffice because you’re not here with me. i should take you here someday.

three. everything reminds me of you. what have you done to me? i’m so in love with you, and i have no plans at all to leave. i’m having that forever with you.

four. today was your interview right? how did it go? i know you prepared so hard for it. good job, princess. now, get some rest, okay? and i trust you’ll treat yourself and eat well. i love you.

five. not much longer, my love. i can’t wait to hold you and kiss you. and, oh. speaking of coming home, they’re giving us a week long break. how do you feel about meeting my family? and layla? they’ll love you. would that be okay? i just want them to meet the person i’m planning to spend the rest of my life with.

six. i miss you so much. today was very hard, but thinking about you helped me stay strong. i miss you.

seven. we played a game earlier in jungwon’s room. some sort of word association game? like, someone would say a word, and you had to answer with something you associate with that word. the boys asked me what comfort was like and i said you right away. of course, they teased me right after but i just thought i should tell you. i love you. thank you for being my comfort.

eight. you make me feel at ease just by existing.

nine. are you tired my love? hey hey, it’s okay. just relisten to this voicemail everytime you need to. you’re doing well, okay? and you’re so so strong. i’m sorry you have to go through this, and i’m sorry that the path to healing hurts this much, but it’ll get better okay? i’m so proud of you and all your efforts. hold on a little longer. i’m almost coming home.

ten. there’s so many things to smile about, but darling, you’re my favorite. i can’t wait to give you the biggest hug when i come home.

[weepynymph]

Penelope’s window 

Obviously the Featherington’s drawing room window looking out across the square to the Bridgerton’s house is a hugely significant part of this season (which is so fantastic because it’s been planted for two season straight now that’s she’s constantly sitting there - I love it!) but what about Pen’s bedroom window? 

On first watch I automatically assumed during the scenes where she’s sat at her bedroom window all day after her and Colin’s lessons are revealed to the ton that she was, as usual, looking out at the Bridgerton’s house. Especially because we immediately cut from this image to Colin looking out of HIS drawing room window towards the Featherington’s house. But then on second watch it struck me that her bedroom doesn’t look out over the square, its on the opposite side of the house, overlooking the gardens.

The best evidence I have for this is 2x08 where its looks as though Pen is watching the fireworks in her bedroom.

And during the scene in 3x02 from what I can see it’s mostly trees out there which doesn’t match up to the square at all so it’s got to be the back of the house.

So when she withdraws from society and hides in her room, it’s not the Bridgerton’s house she’s staring out at all day - it’s the garden. It’s the place where they made this disastrous plan, and the place where she heard Colin say he’d never court her.

Later that night when Colin meets her in the garden (God the symmetry is so GOOD) she describes herself as ‘a sad, stupid girl who believed she might possibly have a chance of love’ and I can’t help but be reminded of how crushed she was at the end of last season when she believed that things might finally be happening with Colin only to hear him completely reject the idea of ever courting her. 

I’d be willing to bet that she spent a good portion of that day in 3x02 staring out at the garden thinking about that night and punishing herself for having let herself hope, for having ‘brought this on herself’ again.

For Penelope, the drawing room window represents the hope that she might someday be with Colin. When she says to Debling in 3x04 she’s ‘grown tired’ of the view I think she means she’s grown tired of hoping for something that will never happen.

Whereas her bedroom window, I think, has come to represent the destruction of that hope (at least at this stage in her story). The only times we see her looking out of it are 2x08, and here in 3x02: moments when all hope is lost for her, not just in terms of being with Colin, but of finding love at all. Portia makes it pretty clear in this scene that the idea of Pen making a match is unrealistic, one could say, laughable.

And then where does Colin bribe Rae to bring Pen so they can have a moment alone? Not the front of the house or that little side entrance we see her meet Eloise at in season one (which would probably be more discreet to be honest), but the garden.

Whistledown’s narration is significant here too, she says: ‘a small taste of the light can lead to that most dangerous of emotions. Hope. And once hope is lost, a lady may become reckless.’ They are literally standing in the place where hope was lost, the place where he broke her heart last season, and the whole script is about to get flipped. She thinks this is the end of everything, when really it’s the beginning.

She’s been staring at the garden all day thinking about everything it represents; how she is nearly on the shelf and may die without ever having been kissed, how Colin Bridgerton would never dream of courting her. But it isn't true. Instead, true love is waiting for her down there. Hope is waiting for her down there. She is not going to die tomorrow. She is not going to die without ever having been kissed. Colin Bridgerton WOULD dream of courting her (and is about to in the next episode! In the bloody garden!!!)

This turned into a dissertation but all this to say that this is why Colin Bridgerton needs to climb through that bedroom window in part two and thoroughly make it up to her, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[plussizefantasia]

Unsure Hearts

Read Part One Here: Fluttering Hearts

Warnings: Reader gets grabbed, alcohol, I think that's it tbh

an: heyyyy... sorry I was MIA, lots of stuff going on I'll post an update about it soon. In the meantime enjoy part two of the Kili x reader fic from Flufftober. I think this will be a five-part fic including an epilogue and the next two parts are already underway. I've also got some requests ready to be edited and posted soon. Thank you for bearing with me, much love <3

Kili Durin x Human!Soulmate!reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Thorin was getting worried, Kili had become somewhat of a ghost story over the past month. He had assumed that his nephew was simply doing his duty. Kili had volunteered to be the envoy between Dale and Erebor for the discussions of armament and training. However, that treaty was signed a week ago, and said envoy position was no longer needed. So why in all of Arda was Kili still going to Dale every day? The young prince left as soon as he was finished with his daily tasks and didn’t return to the mountain until well after the sun had set. Thorin was not worried for his nephew's safety, after all, Kili was an excellent warrior and could take care of himself, no, Thorin was worried for Kili’s heart. 

Fili had also noticed his brother’s absence but the blonde prince had always been a bit more perceptive than his surly uncle. Fili had noticed that Kili was missing, but he also noticed that every time he returned to the mountain it was with the most dopey grin that he had ever seen. A grin that he recognized, for it had also graced his face a few months ago when he met his beloved Alma. Fili would bet his beard on it, Kili was in love.

You on the other hand were getting more and more annoyed each time the brown-haired dwarf walked through the front door. He was charming sure, and polite. But he stared. At you. The whole time he was there. And he was there a lot. His attempts to engage you in conversation were far and few between, the few times he was able to grab your attention away from the bustling building he became tongue-tied the moment your eyes landed on his.

Kili didn’t understand why he couldn’t say more than a few words to you without choking on his words. Your eyes had to hold some kind of spell within them. They enchanted him and left him bewitched every time he caught their gaze. It left him frustrated, he had never had this much trouble with women before, why were you so different? Deep down he knew though, you weren’t just any woman. He was afraid though, afraid that naming what you were to him out loud would make it real. And when it is real, it can hurt you. 

There weren’t very many stories on One’s where the love didn’t end up requited, either because it just simply never happened. Dwarves were incredibly stubborn creatures after all, and it was entirely possible that they just wore down their other half until some sort of connection formed. It was also possible that those unfortunate few who weren’t able to woo their other half died of broken hearts. The former was unlikely as Kili kept having to remind himself, he couldn’t die of a broken heart. Right?

He was determined tonight though, to find out definitively if the sparks he felt for you were just interest in the handsome woman from Bree, or if you truly were the other half of his soul. To do that though he would need to say more than a few words to you. The problem with that was that you seemed exceptionally busy tonight.

Busy you were, Brant had told you last night that he was going to be leaving today to go to visit family for some type of emergency. 

“If the place is still standing when I get back, we’ll talk more about it becoming yours someday.” He had said. You were hoping that that ‘someday’ was sooner rather than later. Brant was getting up there in years. Just last week he had hurt himself trying to lift one of the barrels of ale that had been shipped in from the Iron Hills. You had been taking on more and more of his old tasks and to be completely honest, it felt like you did the job of an owner anyway, just without all the benefits.

You weren’t going to let the man down though, even if it did mean rushing back and forth all night trying to keep up with demand all by yourself.

“Another! Y/N,” was yelled in front the back of the room. Roland was a boisterous man who got along with everyone, he was only a year or two older than you and was currently on his eighth pint of the night. He had a large countenance and seemed to fill up whatever space he occupied, he was handsome but the more and more he drank the less his looks mattered. Usually, this is the point in the night where he starts bordering more on unruly rather than fun-loving. Nevertheless, he was a paying customer and as long as he could still walk on his own out the doors, you weren’t going to say no to his money.

You grabbed another pint glass and poured one for him, balancing it and several other drinks on a tray. You steeled yourself with a deep breath before running back out into the fray. 

Walking close to the stool he was sat on you leaned slightly over him and placed his pint down on the counter beside him. He was engrossed in the conversation between the large group of men, something about the best way to skin a buck, you weren’t really listening. As you grabbed his empty glass to take back to the kitchen to be washed, his large hand encircled your wrist none too gently.

“A pint is a wonderful thing, but it is even more delicious when served by a beautiful lady,” He whispered into your ear. You grit your teeth and roughly pull your hand back. 

“Now, Roland, what have we said about touching things that don’t belong to you? Huh? Touch the wrong thing and you might just lose your hand.” You spit back at him. Cutting your eyes up at the mounted swords that rest above the fireplace only a few steps from where the two of you are. “I’d hate to have to clean those swords, they are sharp.” You look back into his eyes, satisfied with the fear that you see within them. You stand back up and place your tray back upon your shoulder. 

“Anything else I can get you gents?” You question the other men scattered about the space. Silence reigned over the air for a few moments. 

“Alrighty then.” 

A pint here, a glass of wine there, and two hot meals delivered later, your tray was empty and everyone in the place seemed momentarily satisfied. 

 Letting out a breath you lean up against the counter.

“What did you say to him?” A somewhat familiar voice pipes up beside you. You turn your head towards the voice. It's the dwarf prince, and you are once again struck with just how handsome he is. You are also struck with the familiar feeling of annoyance, of course, he picked now to talk to you. Just when you had finally afforded yourself a break.

“Hmm?” You raise a singular eyebrow at him. “Who?”

“That large and very drunk man in the back, I couldn’t hear what you said but I could see the look on his face. It was similar to my brother’s when our mother would scold him for forgetting his manners.”

“That’s not too far off actually, Roland over there got a little too comfortable and touched something that didn’t belong to him, I had to remind him of the rules.”

“And what exactly did he touch that was so forbidden?” The prince smirks and laughs.

You smirk back and lift a glass to your lips before uttering one single word, “Me.”

All of the laughter drained from Kili’s face, “He touched you?” His voice had gotten much lower, his eyes darkened right before you.

 You rolled your eyes. “I’m going to stop you right there Your Highness, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I’ve been doing it for years. I don’t need some man, no matter how handsome he is coming to defend my honor every time I’m even remotely slighted. The trail of bodies will get far too long.” You stare into his eyes as you speak, putting all the righteous fury you’ve got stored inside into each word. 

Seconds tick by before he opens his mouth to speak again.

“You think I’m handsome?”

“I think that we have bigger problems if that is the only thing you got from that.” You took another sip.

“No, no, no I got the point, you don’t need a big strong man to come to your rescue. Lucky for you, I am not big.”

The laugh that sprung from the back of your throat caught you off guard, you slap a hand over your mouth in an impossible effort to catch it and shove it back inside. He was funny, he had never been funny before.

Kili liked your laugh even though it was closer to a snort than an actual laugh, and he would be foolish to ignore the way his heart picked up at the thought that he was the one who made you laugh.

“You- I- I have never heard of a dwarf who makes fun of themselves, in my limited experience your lot are very prideful.”

“Not as prideful as some other races, I should think.”

“No, you’re not nearly as prideful as the pointy-eared bastards who hole themselves up in that accursed forest.” Your words held a healthy amount of rage as well as teasing.

“I sense that there is a story there somewhere.” Kili raised an eyebrow, mimicking your face from earlier. He was desperately trying not to think about the fact that this was the longest conversation the two of you had had up to date.

“One that I’m going to need a lot more liquid courage before divulging, I’m afraid.”

“We can make that happen.” Kili wiggled his eyebrows and pointed at the bottles of liquor behind the bar that separated the two of you.

At that very moment, a shout from the rowdy bunch of men in the back rang out, calling for another round.

“Duty calls your highness, but perhaps I will tell you that story… another time.” You winked at him and grabbed for your tray again, beginning to load it up once more. If that is how conversations with the dwarf prince went all the time, you wouldn’t mind having them more often.  

You walked away before Kili could come up with a response, but he was more certain than he ever had been that your heart called to his. Why else would the very sight of you walking away feel like his heart was leaving too?

Read Part 3 here: Troubled Hearts

tags: @bunnybabe-babydoll @kokochanel111 @shiinata-library @oneiratxxia10

[awkward-walking-potato]

Toupée Time with Wade

You had no idea how you’d gotten roped into this, but here you were, standing in the middle of a wig shop with Wade, as he examined a display of toupées with a seriousness that would make anyone think you were choosing an engagement ring.

“So, what do you think?” Wade asked, holding up a particularly ridiculous blond toupée that looked like it belonged on a Ken doll from the 80s.

You couldn’t help but snicker. “Wade, I don’t think this one is you.”

“Not me?” Wade gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his chest. “Sweetheart, I’ve always thought of myself as a blonde bombshell just waiting to be unleashed on the world.”

You shook your head, trying to hold back your laughter. “It’s not really the color, Wade. It’s more… everything else.”

Wade squinted at the toupée as if it had personally offended him. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s too ‘Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall,’ and not enough ‘Brad Pitt in Fury.’”

“You know, you don’t have to get a toupée,” you offered gently, knowing that beneath all the jokes and bravado, Wade was more self-conscious about his appearance than he let on. “You look great just the way you are.”

“Aw, shucks, you’re gonna make me blush,” Wade replied, but you could see a glimmer of something real in his eyes. “But a guy’s gotta keep his options open, right? Maybe I want to channel my inner Fabio someday.”

You gave him a soft smile. “Then we’ll find the perfect one. But it’s gotta be something that screams ‘Wade Wilson,’ not ‘Bad Movie Villain.’”

He snorted. “You really know how to flatter a guy, don’t you?”

Wade turned back to the display, this time picking up a sleek, black toupée that looked like it had been stolen from a ’50s crooner. He placed it on his head, adjusting it with precision before spinning around to face you.

“Well?” he asked, striking a pose that was a mixture of Elvis and pure Deadpool absurdity. “What do you think, doll? Am I ready to serenade you under the moonlight, or should I just stick to killing bad guys?”

You bit your lip, trying to keep a straight face. “I think you look like you’re about to sell me a used car.”

“Ouch, tough crowd!” Wade chuckled, taking off the toupée and tossing it back onto the display. “Alright, alright, I see where you’re going with this. Let’s try something a little less… sleazy.”

He moved further down the aisle, his eyes scanning the rows of wigs and toupées until he found one that seemed to catch his interest. It was a simple, short style—brown, a little tousled, nothing too flashy. Wade picked it up carefully, almost reverently, and looked at you with an uncharacteristically serious expression.

“Hey, what about this one?” he asked, his voice softer now, as if he wasn’t quite sure how you’d react.

You walked over to him, studying the toupée and imagining it on him. It wasn’t flashy or over-the-top; it was just… normal. It reminded you of what Wade might have looked like before everything—the experiments, the scars, the trauma.

“I think it’s perfect,” you said sincerely, meeting his eyes. “You’d look really good with it, Wade.”

Wade blinked, a flicker of vulnerability passing through his eyes before he quickly covered it up with a smirk. “Well, let’s see if the ol’ moneymaker agrees with you.”

He slipped the toupée on, adjusting it in front of the mirror. For a moment, he just stared at himself, tilting his head this way and that, as if he wasn’t quite sure who was looking back at him.

“You know,” Wade said after a long pause, his voice unusually thoughtful, “I kinda like it. Makes me look almost… normal. Whatever that means.”

You smiled, stepping closer to him. “You don’t need to be ‘normal,’ Wade. You’re amazing just the way you are. But if this makes you happy, then I’m all for it.”

Wade turned to look at you, the mask of bravado slipping just enough for you to see the gratitude in his eyes. “You know, you’re not half bad at this emotional support stuff. Almost makes me want to buy you something shiny.”

You laughed, lightly punching his arm. “Just having you around is enough for me, Wade. But if you’re offering, I’ve always wanted one of those giant lollipops they sell at the candy store.”

Wade grinned, the playful spark returning to his eyes. “Done. But only if you agree to help me pick out a name for this bad boy,” he said, gesturing to the toupée.

“A name?”

“Absolutely. Every great hairpiece needs a name. I’m thinking something classic, like… Tony. Or maybe Leonard.”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile didn’t fade. “How about something a little more… unique? Like… Sir Fluffington the First.”

Wade’s eyes lit up. “You, my dear, are a genius. Sir Fluffington it is!”

As you both walked toward the counter to pay, Wade wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “You know, if I’m being honest, this was actually kinda fun. Who knew shopping for toupées could be so therapeutic?”

You leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his presence, and smiled. “Anytime, Wade. Anytime.”

[sakur4ii]

Echoes Of Tomorrow

JEAN GREY x SCOTT SUMMERS x READER

reader's gender unspecified

Note: it took me 5 hours to write this and I think it sucks, but if you like it let me know. (English is not my first language and I am sure I narrated badly).

And by the way I didn't know whether to make it inspired by the movies or X-Men '97 so I made it up.

You were taken in by Charles Xavier when you were 14 years old, becoming a part of the school and the X-Men shortly after. You became best friends with Jean Grey and Scott Summers, the three of you were inseparable, and maybe you were a little bit in love with them.

Your power is the ability to control people with your voice, a dangerous power, but the professor taught you to control it at will for good.

You also learned hand-to-hand combat and how to use weapons, though Charles was hesitant about that last part, he understood that you couldn't rely solely on your voice.

One day, on a mission, you made a mistake that nearly cost your teammates and some civilians their lives. Your friends assured you it was okay, that it was a slip anyone could make, but you couldn't stop replaying the scene in your head, going over everything you could have done better.

You had used your power to stop some soldiers, but your mind was on your friends, so the order you gave was directed at your team, giving the enemies an advantage.

You felt guilty seeing Scott injured in the infirmary and Ororo with her arm in a cast, all because of you.

As much as your friends reminded you it was okay, you only self-destructed, making the hasty decision that everyone was safer without you.

At least until you learned to control your power perfectly.

You packed your bags and disappeared without a trace. You only left an apology note.

Jean was the first to notice something was wrong; she always felt a kind of connection with you, she could feel your presence without trying, always knowing where you were without using telepathy. But suddenly, in the middle of the night, your presence vanished.

The second person to notice was Charles. He knows who comes and goes from the mansion, he can feel everyone's presence, hear them. But you—he stopped hearing and feeling you in an instant.

The third person to notice was Scott, not because of his powers, of course, but because of the note on his nightstand. Although you didn't say goodbye, the overabundance of apologies raised alarms.

Jean and Scott ran to your room, meeting each other on the way, looking at each other in horror, assuming the worst. This set off a chain reaction, worrying those who saw them running through the halls.

Once they arrived at your room, Charles, Hank, and Ororo were close behind. The room was empty, the closet had only hangers with no sign of clothes, the framed photos were nowhere to be seen, and as they feared, you weren't in the room.

Days went by searching for you, but they never found you; Charles couldn't even locate you using Cerebro.

Each reaction was different.

Jean had succumbed to sadness, feeling like a bad friend. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed sooner, to prevent you from running away, from abandoning her.

Charles was infinitely worried; it was his duty to protect you, and now he couldn't even locate you. He feared the dangers awaiting you out there.

Ororo held on to hope that you would return someday; she knew you well enough to know that you didn’t say goodbye because you would come back, but there were nights when she doubted. What if you didn’t return? She should have insisted more that it wasn’t your fault about her arm; she should have been a better friend.

Hank started a routine where every day he dedicated hours, which gradually decreased, to looking for you, trying to locate you the old-fashioned way. Although the hours of searching diminished, he never stopped looking.

Scott was angry, his rage growing to the point of hating you, blaming you, but not for the mission, but for abandoning him. He couldn't believe you didn't even have the courage to face him, to say goodbye, TO SAY GOODBYE, to something that would have given him the chance to stop you. Every time he saw the photo he had with you and Jean on his nightstand, he felt like burning it. He thought it was the three of you against the world, and you abandoned them.

------------------------------------------------------

A year passed since your disappearance. Nightcrawler had joined the team. There was no trace of you. Scott still hated you. Hank stopped searching. Ororo still held on to hope. Jean stopped mourning you but felt an emptiness in her chest. Charles still tried to locate you at least once a week.

Nightcrawler quickly discovered that you were a delicate topic, and the only people who spoke about you happily were Charles, Ororo, and Hank. It was better not to bring up the subject with Jean and Scott. And the rest weren’t close enough to you to talk about it.

A well-kept secret that Scott and Jean had was that they had fallen in love with you; they were going to tell you before you left, and now it was a mutual regret, a burden they shared only between them. Sometimes, if the day was too much for them, they would lock themselves in one of their rooms and whisper past regrets that still haunted them.

___________________________________________

Two years since your disappearance.

What had started as a casual mission ended as a kind of new war between humans and mutants.

The X-Men are in Hank's lab, reviewing the information they have so far.

Suddenly, a portal opens in front of the group, causing everyone to adopt a fighting stance, expecting a possible threat.

The white portal's glow doesn’t allow them to see anything on the other side. Suddenly, a gloved hand, with the fingers exposed, appears, causing everyone to tense up.

The hand seems to check if the portal is working by the way it moves, and then it disappears. But everyone jumps when a person suddenly steps through the portal.

As soon as the stranger enters, the portal disappears.

Everyone seems about to jump in to start a fight, but the person raises their hands in surrender, confusing them all.

“Y/N?” Xavier asks incredulously, earning a chorus of surprised gasps.

“Hello” you say with a huge smile.

It’s almost impossible to recognize you; you’re tall, with a developed body, you can’t be a teenager, you must be in your early twenties. But you had left when you were only 14 years old. What did this mean?

As you explained that you came from the future to prevent them from making the same mistakes that caused severe consequences later on, Jean and Scott’s minds were racing, never taking their eyes off you.

On the other hand, Ororo felt proud of never losing hope; she noticed that you were wearing what must be your hero costume with the X-Men emblem on one side, meaning that you would indeed return sooner or later.

Well, after ending the war, making sure not to make any mistakes or leave any loose ends, you all returned to the mansion.

During all this time since you arrived in the past, those who would be your life partners in the future were tense around you, something that did not go unnoticed by you.

The professor had confessed that it reassured him to know that you were okay and that you would return to the family. He also congratulated you for mastering your gift, your power completely. And he suggested you talk to Jean and Scott while Hank tried to create the machine that would take you back to your timeline (with instructions that future Hank asked you to give him).

So here you were, in Summers' room. You wanted to talk to him first because you know very well that he is angry with you; he was when, in your timeline, you returned to the mansion, and if his scowl every time he looked at you was any indication, you could say he is angry now.

You look at the photo on the nightstand while your leg bounces nervously. You don't regret leaving the mansion temporarily, but you do regret not letting them know or staying in contact.

Scott arrived at his room, and upon seeing you sitting on his bed, he frowned, letting out a huff. It almost made you smile with amusement; you didn't remember your guy already openly showing his teenage anger through huffs.

The younger Scott noticed your hint of a smile, crossing his arms and leaning against the door, deepening his frown.

"What’s so funny?"

This time, you didn't hide it, widening your smile and looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing."

"You're not even hiding it; what's so funny, L/N?"

At the mention of your last name, your amused smile faded to one of embarrassment and nostalgia.

"You really were mad about my absence."

Scott shrugged and looked away, avoiding your gaze while still frowning. An uncomfortable silence settled in the room; as he avoided your gaze, you absorbed every tiny movement he made, trying to catch something that wasn’t anger or discomfort.

The silence dragged on too long, so you decided to get it over with.

"I'm sorry, Summers."

Scott was surprised to hear your voice; he had been so focused on physically showing his anger and avoiding letting you see how nervous and embarrassed he was by your presence that he had forgotten you were still with him for a second.

He looked back at you and encouraged you to continue talking.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the chance to say goodbye or stop me, and I'm sorry I couldn't face you, for making you suffer with my disappearance for so long." You stood up slowly. "I know it wasn’t fair, and that you have every right to be mad at me for not even contacting you in these years and in the ones to come. But I hope that if you can't accept my apology now, you’ll be able to accept it when my present self returns with you."

You placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, giving him a twisted smile full of regret.

Scott looked you in the eyes through his glasses, uncrossed his arms, and sighed, relaxing his shoulders.

“It seems like you've apologized before. How many times did I ask you to say sorry?” he asked playfully, earning a laugh from you.

“Several times, to be honest. It’s usually your go-to move,” you replied with a teasing look, and your heart warmed at the sound of his laughter.

“Can I hug you?”

Without saying a word, you opened your arms, and he wasted no time rushing into them, squeezing you tightly while you rubbed his back.

“The day you return, I won’t stop hugging you.”

You laughed joyfully at his words.

“Believe me, mini Scott, I know that very well.”

An hour later, you were walking down the halls on your way to Jean Grey’s room. You had left Cyclops in his room after a long session of hugs and the release of emotions bottled up during the first two years of your absence. You didn’t want to tell him that two more years still remained, so you left before he could start asking questions you couldn’t answer.

When you reached her room, you knocked on the door. After a few seconds, it opened, and mini Jean was sitting at the head of her bed, hugging a pillow.

You walked in silently, closing the door behind you.

If there was one thing you learned over time, it was that Jean had taken your departure much harder. She blamed herself, even thinking that maybe she should have left instead of you. You knew there was a point when she was so distraught that she wouldn’t leave her room, letting only Scott in, who wasn’t going to let her drown in her sadness alone.

In the future, Jean wouldn’t want to let you out of her sight once you returned. She didn’t want you to leave her again and would make sure of it. Scott and you would have to help her learn to live without you, and you would have to assure her that you would never leave her again.

“It wasn’t your fault,” you whispered, catching her attention.

“But—”

“It wasn’t, Jean.”

The words she was about to say died on her lips. She looked at you with eyes filled with tears, ready to spill.

You moved closer and embraced her. Unable to hold back her tears any longer, she returned the hug tightly, crying on your shoulder.

You stayed like that for a while until Jean suddenly pulled away with a gasp of surprise, startling you.

“What? What happened?” you asked with concern.

She just stared at you with wide eyes.

It was then that you realized you had stopped blocking out any telepathic minds. She had relaxed and accidentally read your mind.

“What did you see?”

Jean didn’t respond, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away.

You looked at her amused.

“I guess a little spoiler doesn’t hurt anyone,” you said, laughing with amusement, while Jean just covered her face, trying to hide her embarrassment.

-------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Hank had already built the machine.

You said your goodbyes to everyone, told Nightcrawler that you would soon be best friends, and returned to your own time.

It seemed to be very late at night, and you were relieved to see that the mansion was still standing.

You went to your shared room where your partners were sleeping in the shared bed.You took a bath and put on your pajamas.

As always, there was a space in the middle of the two lovebirds reserved for you, so you carefully slipped into bed without waking them.

Once in the cozy bed, you sighed in relief. You were exhausted, not having stopped to rest since you traveled to the past.

“You’re back.”

A soft voice was heard on your left as slender arms wrapped around your waist.

“I’m back.”

Jean rested her head in the crook of your neck, hugging you tightly.

"I missed you.”

You started stroking her hair, a gentle smile adorning your face.

“I missed you too, dear.”

Suddenly, strong arms encircled both you and Jean, followed by a kiss on your head.

“Your apologies were acceptable.”

You chuckled softly at Scott’s joke, and you snuggled between the two loves of your life, ready to sleep, not without first wishing them sweet dreams and giving them a couple of kisses.

The professor was right to send you to the past to fix old mistakes.