#and it made me so teary like why am i working rn not even getting recognized for it instead of doing things that i like

[firstluvlatespring]

i should just really log off work and tell them i am sick or something, just constant feeling of dejection since morning - i know some of it is internal but i really can't take criticism today 😵‍💫 nobody is vicious but every comment or face or note feels like an attack which i think is a sign to take time off

[nemesyaaa]

the sucker i am for the bratty reader, wlskdlz i'm dying. why all your works are just so fabulous omg😭😭 and i like how unbothered, a little mean, and cold the reader was. john b was fighting for himself actually to not scold her in front of his friends

. “i know pup, you’re my good girl yeah? takin’ it so well.” he praises gently, rubbing the irritated skin gently with a warm hand, reaching up to wipe your tear stained eyes as a pang of guilt overcomes him. give me this man rn, i'm not even joking. it's a need

“y’know why i’m doin’ this right pup?” he asks, as you nod with teary eyes and a sniffle, knowing the brat act you’d been putting on all day was the reason you were getting punished by john b for the first time ever, not thinking you could ever push him to this point. i need more dom!john b, why it's sound so attractive and perfect ??? bc you made it this way

you’d been acting up all day, refusing to get ready when john b asked you to, acting like a brat and getting all moody, burying your face further into the bedsheets and groaning telling john b to “leave you alone for once.” making him purse his lips impatiently and responding with a gentle “seriously pup, time to get up.” you refusing once again with an attitude and pushing him away when he tried to pull you up out of bed, still patient as ever. he just shakes his head and gives up, walking into the kitchen to get a coffee started for you, hoping it’d water down your temper a little. xjzkdkdd i love this 😭😭😭😭

tysm <333

Request for John b (smut): John b punishes his girlfriend for being a brat (daddy kink and bdsm)

you’d been acting up all day, refusing to get ready when john b asked you to, acting like a brat and getting all moody, burying your face further into the bedsheets and groaning telling john b to “leave you alone for once.” making him purse his lips impatiently and responding with a gentle “seriously pup, time to get up.” you refusing once again with an attitude and pushing him away when he tried to pull you up out of bed, still patient as ever. he just shakes his head and gives up, walking into the kitchen to get a coffee started for you, hoping it’d water down your temper a little.

later on, on the boat with the pogues you’d been a little snappy, slapping jj’s hand away angrily when he jokingly reached for your half empty beer can, making him frown at your sudden temper and retreating giving john b a look which made him roll his eyes and make his way over to the edge of the boat where you were sat with a permanent scowl on your face.

you see him approaching you and huff impatiently, pushing your self up aggressively from the edge and stripping your shirt of quickly, revealing your tiny little bikini, making john b eyes widen for a second before composing himself, trying to get a word in through your defiant behaviour. “baby-“ he started before being cut off by the splash of your body hitting the water and you were officially of the boat. clearly ignoring him. he groaned and reached up to rub a hand over his face impatiently, deciding he’d deal with you later instead, saving you the embarrassment of the inevitable scolding infront of the pogues.

later on he’d have you bent over his lap in the bedroom, stripped down to just your bra which sat underneath your tits, being pulled down by john b’s harsh grip, you’d be whining over his lap as he rubbed your thigh gently, talking in a calm voice, clearly aggravated. “y’know why i’m doin’ this right pup?” he asks, as you nod with teary eyes and a sniffle, knowing the brat act you’d been putting on all day was the reason you were getting punished by john b for the first time ever, not thinking you could ever push him to this point.

“you gonna count for me?” he asks quietly, still rubbing the fat of your ass with his calloused hand, feeling a little guilty for what he was about to do. you nod lightly, sniffling a little as he adjusts you a little on his lap. “yeah?” he questions, lifting his hand, the warmth of his hand leaving you making you puff out some air from between your puffy lips. “yes daddy.” he nods in finality and raises his hand, bringing it down against the fat of your ass, the redness spreading fast as you feel the sting, tears brimming your eyes again. “one.” you mumble out, tears beginning to spill.

he doesn’t take a break before bringing his hand down again, this one hurting more than the first making you cry out harshly, “two!” john b tuts at the redness on your ass and rubs the fatty skin, only worsening the pain. “one more, yeah?” he asks, you only nodding with a snotty nose and wet eyes as he brings his hand down again, the sound ripping through the air as you cry about, immediately flipping you onto the bed and coming to your aid. “i know pup, you’re my good girl yeah? takin’ it so well.” he praises gently, rubbing the irritated skin gently with a warm hand, reaching up to wipe your tear stained eyes as a pang of guilt overcomes him.

“c’mere, let me make it better.” he smiles, making you nod helplessly as he positons you between his legs on the bed, legs held open by his knees as he admires your glistening puffy cunt, shushing you when he rubs his fingers through your folds, reassuring you he’s gonna make it all better, praising you the whole time and placing sweet little kisses into your hair as he finger fucks you senseless while you’re muttering “daddy! mmm - right there, mmm, there, god! incoherently from the overstimulation.

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[suhmayzooka]

i’m like one of the people i know who actively reads precrisis age batman comics, so i’m going to try to convince the rest of you to join me. i wholeheartedly believe 90% of the batfandom will like precrisis batdad. 

“i wish WFA was canon” i wish golden age batdad was canon.

anyway. let’s talk about the story “bruce wayne loses guardianship of dick grayson” from batman #20.

dick’s “””aunt””” and “”“uncle””” (spoiler: they’re actually evil) show up and take bruce wayne to court over guardianship of dick grayson. of course, dick does not want to be taken from bruce, with whom “mutual affection between this man and boy has been as strong as that between father and son!” 

on the cover, we can see robin’s teary face as he’s dragged away from batman in court. very dramatic. 

we open to this lovely scene between said “father and son”, only to be interrupted by alfred alerting them that they have visitors. fuck visitors, alfred! bruce and dick are in their pajamas in the middle of a pillow fight! i hope dick’s winning.

[the wayne home is a happy home, for in it lives a happy trio! one day...]

A: mornin’, mawster dick! beg pardon, mr. wayne... but a gentleman and a lady are waitin’ downstairs!

D: haw! haw! you missed by a mile! hi, alfred!

B: visitors? okay, alfred, we’ll be down as soon as we haul on some clothes!

FYI this is how alfred’s dialogue is always written in these comics. british.

also. just. “the wayne home is a happy home, for in it lives a happy trio!” okay! okkayy!

.... not all is happy in the wayne home, though. “uncle george” and “aunt clara” are here and ready to take dick away! but bruce won’t let them go so easily!

D: no! i won’t go with you! bruce... don’t let them take me! 

B: you can’t take dick away now! not after all these years! he’s like a son! i won’t let you!

just look how protective bruce is. that’s his boy!! that’s his son!!! 

they go to court, and bruce pleads not to lose dick. dick is similarly upset. look how dark and edgy batman is grrrr i am the night vengeance grrrrr

[in a strained voice, bruce adds his testimony...]

B: dick is like my own son! i’ve even changed my will so that in the case of my death, dick will get my entire fortune! your honor, I... I love that boy! please don’t take him from me!

[dick is called...]

D: and when mom and pop died in the circus, I was all alone! then bruce... mr. wayne took me in! a fella couldn’t want a better friend!

okay: 1. bruce says “I LOVE THAT BOY.” 

2. what’re the chances bruce is including the batman mantle in his will? also, dick is like... 10? he’s already left everything to dick? why not alfred, who’s, y’know, an adult?

unfortunately for our caped crusaders, the court rules that bruce must give up guardianship since he’s an irresponsible playboy. fortunately for us batfamily angst enjoyers, this means we get to see bruce absolutely DESTROYED over the loss of dick

*bruce and dick tearfully hugging*

D: golly, bruce... it’s no use pretending! i don’t know how i’m going to stand it!

B: easy, dick... be a good soldier!

uh.. gee, bruce, what a normal thing to say to your kid! “good soldier” i sure hope those words never come back to bite you in the ass! 

*bruce watching dick walk off with his “aunt” and “uncle”

B: goodbye, kid, goodbye...

B: it’s going to be hard, alfred! 

A: yes, sir! this house won’t be the same without him!

B: in order to cover up my batman work, I had to pretend to be a playboy. And now it’s made me lose the person I love the most! it isn’t fair! it isn’t fair!

anyone else feel your heart ripped out rn? bruce admitting dick is the person he loves the most? also, those panels remind me of when dick goes off to college in batman #217 

[and so it is that the batman, who started his career alone, once hunts down crime—alone!

B: i certainly am going to miss robin... and those corny puns he’d yell whenever he’d wallop a thug!

aww he misses robin’s puns :( he’s so sad guys 

thankfully, robin isn’t gone! he swoops in and helps batman get the bad guys.

D: looks like my footprint is “lion” on your chin... and I’m not “lion”! Oh! corny puns, eh, batman?

B: corny? maybe to you, but to me—they’re beautiful!!

he’s so proud of his boy

uh blah blah the aunt and uncle are actually evil, batman find himself in dire peril, dick and alfred team up to save the day, etc etc

*alfred holds the villain as robin punches him*

A: neatly done, mawster robin!

[and in a wooden shack on an empty lot...]

D: where did fatso take the batman? talk!

bad guy: i don’t know nothin’!

A: he seems a bit stubborn, sir! might i suggest a method of loosening his tongue? we might just leave him here in the dark, sir! there’s nothing around to harm him—just some, er, big rats!

D: splendid! maybe they’ll gnaw at his conscience!

bad guy: hey! wait a minute! i’ll talk! i’ll talk!

christ, alfred! don’t mess with the butler. he could’ve killed bane with that attitude.

thankfully, all goes well, the bad guys are defeated with the power of the Batfamily, and bruce regains guardianship of dick... because batman convinced the judge. gotham has a great fair justice system. someone get harvey dent here

judge: mr wayne, dick is yours again! incidentally, i’m inclined to agree with the batman! he visited me before and said that in spite of your playboy activities, you were really a good man!

B: well... of all people, he should know... eh, dick?

D: and how!

a happy ending for our little family <3 

[bixqueen]

so thanks to hboMAX my pretty little liars obsession has started up again and when i watched pll the first time all the way thru (yes sadly it’s been more than once i have a life but also don’t) my favorite character was alison. as i’ve watched it more it changed (emily or spencer is prob my fav now) but going through tumblr, instagram, and even pinterest, i feel alison gets too much shit/hate from the fandom. so here i am, making a justification for her. if you really don’t want to see my side or pov then just keep scrolling because i don’t really want to see negativity in the comments (unless you’ll actually say something, a rebuttal?)

so let’s start off with alison being a small child and her household/family. we know how her parents would manipulate her and tell her lying is better than telling the truth. she’s had these really bad influences on her at such a young age (with secrets overflowing her house) and when you continue to have these influences on you as you’re mind is maturing, of course you’re going to eventually go through with them. now yes i know the other girls also had lying parents but were any of them as bad as alisons? i mean some things spencer’s parents kept and arias but they were also older at that point (middle of high school and up). i’m not saying it’s okay but they knew at that point in their life what’s wrong and right and for the most part they had been raised to not lie. alison wasn’t. eventually her lies caught up to her as well so even though she learned the hard way to tell the truth, she eventually did.

now we’re getting into the high school stage where there were MANY points as to why she would’ve ran away. if the writers wanted a better redemption arc for her i feel they would’ve shown her a little more broken in some scenes and such but anyways. freshman year isn’t absolute hell but it’s not fun either. having the mindset of making sure you’re not the one who will get hurt obviously forces you to have this wall and makes you a lot more mean than you really are. (i really feel this was a wasted potential by the writers not going more in depth about her mental pain but shit they didn’t do it with anyone tbh). her whole life kinda had build ups to her being so secretive and closed away (again if the writers went into more depth on this we would’ve seen maybe some trauma that causes her to be closed off and push everyone away. not wanting to show weaknesses) from everyone so it definitely wasn’t hard for her to find that bitchier side and let it off on everyone, not that it’s right, it just made her feel safe and protected. a main factor of this was probably being closeted. i myself am a bisexual girl so i know how it feels to question yourself the way she most likely did. it’s scary. really fucking scary. because you don’t know if there’s something wrong with you at first or if it’s just a stage and you’ll most likely pass it. it’s why i believe her relationship with emily was why she had no big deal leaving rosewood. yes we know she was being tormented by A before the girls were and she wanted to leave so she could be safe. but even with that there would need to be some other factors that kicked in to her actually leaving. A in the beginning for JUST alison was kinda like a bully right? i mean a little more extreme than that but it wasn’t as bad as it was when it started hitting with the other 4 girls. so if alison THE alison dilaurentis was being bullied by someone too scared to show who they really are, wouldn’t she just laugh some of it off? alison WANTED to leave before mona gave her the option. she was scared. and not just of A, but of who she was. and who she loves.

if we’re looking at what alison does for emily versus the other girls while they’re being tormented by A, you can tell she cares for her more. she saved emily more than anyone else. she said leaving emily was the hardest part of it all. because alison was in love with emily, just like emily was in love with her back. obviously running away and faking your death isn’t the best option for having internal panics, some people just don’t know how to manage it. especially being the bold person everyone sees and talks about. imagine seeing her walk out of some therapy session teary-eyed. she’d feel so weak in that moment, so vulnerable. isn’t that one of her biggest fears? people seeing she’s not as strong as she comes off to be and they can use that against her. her fear for being vulnerable also brings me to her being SO scared coming back to school after faking her death. ali, the queen bee, is terrified. this kinda brings to me childhood pain (personally this is why i thought of it lol rip). maybe her family thought showing emotions was weakness you know? and when you open up they kinda laugh at you and they’re like “you think you’re life is hard?? you’re a kid.” (i’m sure i’m not the only person who’s heard this mf bullshit bedore). where i’m going with that though, is it could’ve been placed in her head at a very young age (also this is so dehumanizing and traumatic damn but it makes sense) that you have to shut out all feelings and emotions. it really makes people numb and being emotionally numb as a child and teen is dangerous for brain growth and development. makes sense why it took her forever to feel safe and okay opening up to emily about her feelings and showing emotions around the girls. when you’re seen as this “bitch” who doesn’t make down from a fight, it forces you to turn emotionless.

so the way she acted out the night she went missing and her freshman year wasn’t ideal and it really wasn’t okay. but the audience never saw what she was going through mentally, hell even after that. we see it a little when she comes back and talks about the night she went missing. imagine your own mother burrying you alive. god the trauma that must STILL have on her. being under pounds of dirts, unable to move or talk. your own mother doing this to you to save someone else. i’m not trying to put it as she’s only been through things and no one else has cus of course that’s not the case. i just think people often dismiss her pain and trauma and just say “she’s a bad person and deserves the shit she’s been through.”

i’d also like to add her type of crowd she was around wasn’t the best sort of people. imagining being a freshman and hanging out with college kids who would throw some girl down a flight of stairs. i feel like that also had an impact on her mental health and what she believed was okay to an extent because i mean verbally bullying isn’t okay but at least sis never pushed someone down the stairs 😭 (worst thing she did is definitely blinding jenna. i really don’t know how to defend her actions for that one. you could say she didn’t know anyone was in there? or that she didn’t know she had- it was a firework right?)

last point i can think of: paige vs alison. of course i have to add this lol but my main point with this is both girls were mean to each other. did alison start it by calling her names and such? most definitely. do i think paige should’ve retaliated? to an extent. but she went as far as teaming up with others to have alison go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. their revival wasn’t just one sided and again i think people often forget that. they’re continuously like going against each other at every chance they got. it was funny but also got annoying. ali would shit talk to paiges face then paige would go whine and cry about it to emily to turn emily on her side. i mean did we forget paige manipulated emily against alison? (yes ik alison was the manipulation queen when she was younger). really what i’m going with this is that they’re more alike than they’ll admit to an extent. me personally, i like alison and emison more. i never really liked paily but paige grew less annoying in later seasons. but when comparing them, i believe paige had more damage on emily than alison did. even when alison was ‘dead’ she still saved emily’s life at times (including the other 3 girls) and did things to protect them. i don’t remember paige saving emily just trying drowning her because she was a little jealous. another thing i know someone will try to bring up about them is how “alison was never happy for emily” well shit bro neither was paige 😭 i’m on season 7 right now and there were some times paige took a liking into stalking emily while she was dating that girl who worked in the cafe (sorry i can’t remember her name rn). and when emily talked about being with that girl she was kinda like 😐 k. alison is the type to speak or show her mind while paige seems to keep to herself then shit talk others behind their back. both qualities aren’t exactly the best so both ‘sides’ can go against each other for years on this. they’re just more alike than people realize.

anyways, there’s that. if you have any opinions (WHERE YOU’LL ACTUALLY ARGUE SOMETHING AND NOT JUST SHIT TALK ME!!) feel free to leave a reply. and if i left out something you want me to add in i will :) have a good day <3

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S2 EPISODE 25 (SEASON 2 FINALE PT 2!!!) RECAP

Yayyy, I'm finally here at the last episode of season 2... I'm honestly still working through my final thoughts on this episode and I've just been waiting to write it out so I can stop swirling it around my head.

Oh Kureno...

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Mmmph... ain’t it beautiful. 😈

- Vibing extra hard to the opening cos it’s the last time I’ll hear it for a while (and also cos I’m distracting myself from the sads again)

I think I might do a ranking of the openings and endings so far at the end of this recap!

- There’s this music in the background that always plays when Akito’s manipulative powers are at work that goes so well with the uneasy tone of the scenes and it’s great.

Hana was giving me hardcore Tomoyo from Cardcaptor Sakura-vibes in this episode. I think it might’ve been the hairstyle but I dunno, Hana’s also obsessed with her best friend too so they might be more relatable than I thought lol

Ok. I hate to be predictable but Rin obviously gets Outfit Appreciation this episode. IT’S JUST FACTS. This is Rin’s best outfit so far. I wanna draw it, I wanna wear it. Yes. We should all aspire to include more arm sleeves in our outfits. 5 STARS.

Omg Yuki, tone it down 😂 WE GET IT. SHE’S MADRE.

Lol, where’s Kyo? I’m sure he wants head pats too. But, myyyy boy, Momiji...

...Did he really just pull the ‘let’s pray about it... together 💕’ move?! I am cackling 🤣

I kid, this was another cute moment between Momiji and Tohru. It’s just funny how everyone wants Tohru’s praise and affection... you know... like a GOD.

Ooooo, I hate to admit it... but I’m starting to love Shigure in full Trickster God mode. This whole episode he was sinfully delightful to watch. Voice acting - of course, was amazing. John Burgmeier makes Shigure’s lilty, carefree tones have such dark and sinister tone this episode. It’s not shocking enough that it feels like it’s a totally different person but it’s almost like as if you’re noticing something new in the painting you pass by everyday. That darkness was always there...

I am Hatori. Hatori is me. I’m starting to understand why Hatori stays friends with Shigure... 😅😅😅

*sigh*

“And now we move on to Kureno Sohma, 26, who is about to watch a random DVD given to him by a high schooler”...

I feel like a lot of things that happen to or around Kureno never seem quite right... or legal lol 😅

Oh Kureno... you poor Begotten Child of Eve... This scene is beautiful. But in general, Fruits Basket is so good with the use of colours and shadow and FRAMING in pretty much all of its scenes and scenarios. The way the whole scene is mostly dark but there’s a hint of purple showing how even though he is away from Akito, he’s never truly AWAY from Akito. It’s a nice touch.

It was soooo... cool to see Shigure in his true form. Haha, I have no other way to say it. He was being such a smart-ass and was incredibly cold towards Kureno but it’s really satisfying to see Shigure’s ‘real face’. Which is ironic because throughout this whole phone call we don’t actually get a clear view of Shigure’s face. 

That absolute drop in Shigure’s voice in the English dub was excellent as well.

All the pawns are falling into place... He really is the worst. I don’t like it. I like it.

CINEMATIC. I love how dramatic this scene and this anime is!!! Also, Kureno’s outfit is great, a long coat is always good. There’s also something very ‘Edward and Bella’ about this meeting and this reveal of the truth. It’s just... so early 00s and it’s great lol

But oh, look wow, Kureno doesn’t have the curse (!)

I love Kureno’s description of the curse breaking, it sounds so euphoric and beautiful! Also, I have to say, Ian Sinclair was fucking killing it this episode. I was a bit worried about him being Kureno at first because I’ve only known his performances as dynamic and slightly eccentric characters. But, he really nailed down Kureno’s calm and robotic kinda demeanour so that when his eventual breakdown happens...

It almost sounds alien and so broken like he’s been holding back his tears for so long but also a little bit pathetic which I personally love as a take on Kureno. Because... he is a little bit pathetic. 😬 His whole life is on stand still because of a promise he made to a 7-10 year old girl... when he was in middle school?! I know that tradition is tradition but I genuinely agree with Shigure berating him for letting this go on for so long.

I guess that’s always been my personal problem with Kureno. He could’ve potentially stopped so many Akito-caused disasters in many of the zodiac’s lives just by even telling his own truth. And I know that it’s explained that Kureno just wanted to calm Akito down and reassure her and I definitely felt for him in that moment... but I think I need more of an exploration of how Kureno genuinely feels about Akito without the loyalty promise. I just don’t understand why he’s carried this promise on for so long.

But anyways... I found Tohru’s reactions to what Kureno was saying very interesting...

Almost... like she finds this... relatable? (I dunno why I’m even trying to be coy when I’m behind rn lol) I’m definitely seeing the reflection between Tohru and Kureno now, lol

BIG REVEAL(!) I remember when I first found out that Akito was a girl from the manga and I don’t think I really thought anything of it 😂 Like I don’t really think I thought much about her gender, I definitely knew she was feminine but I kinda just read her as androgynous? Kinda the same as how I read Ayame at first. How did the anime-onlys receive this reveal?

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OPENINGS AND ENDINGS RANKING!

OPENINGS

Again - Beverly (Season 1, Opening 1)

Home - Toki Asako (Season 2, Opening 2)

2001 Opening

Prism (Season 2, Opening 1)

Chime - Ai Otsuka (Season 1, Opening 2)

ENDINGS

Lucky Ending (Season 1, Opening 1)

2001 Ending (THOSE STRINGS!! 🎻)

Eden (Season 2, Opening 2)

The Charm (Season 2, Opening 1)

One Step Closer (Season 1, Opening 2)

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Ahhh, I’m so glad I can now fully envelope Season 3 now. This was a great climax episode. Ian Sinclair really got me good in Kureno’s scene - teary eyed at 2am lol 

See you in Season 3!!! Yayy!

[miyaniacs]

Mafia AU - Bokuto x fem!reader

The next day 

_______________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2 - At the Club ; Index ; masterlist

_______________________________________________________________________

Saturday 9 am 

Your whole body hurts.

Your head is even worse.

Suddenly the events of last night hit you and you freak out, quickly opening your eyes. 

“Heyy hey. It’s fine, you’re okay.” You look around the unfamiliar room, searching for the source of the voice. 

“Hey, Y/N - It’s me.” Bokuto sits down next to you, wrapping one of his arms around your shoulder pulling you in. 

Bokuto. Right. 

You look around the room. You’re sitting on a bed, king size, there are windows all over the one side of the room, with a breathtaking few over the city. You look down and tug on the T-Shirt you’re wearing. 

“That’s mine.. I thought it’d be more comfortable for you to wear while sleeping - OH don’t worry. I haven’t done anyone to you or saw anything. My eyes were closed the whole time!AND I SLEPT ON THE COUCH!  He blushes?

“T- Thank you” you finally menage you stutter, “is this.. your home?” 

“Yes.. It was nearer to the Club and I didn’t want you to stay blacked out in my car for too long.” He scratches his head, “ Do you want some coffee?”

You nod and he gets up, “feel free to take anything you need out of the bathroom or my closet if you’re cold.” He smiles gently and leaves but quickly turns around to add “Your purse is over there” he gestures to the nightstand, “I haven’t opened it, but your phone is vibrating the whole time.” You smile at him and he leaves. 

Thank god he hasn’t seen the gun or the two phones. You quickly grab your phone. 

8 missed calls form Tosh.

13 messages form Tosh 

6 from Kageyama. 

4 from your friends.

You quickly text your friends that you’re with a guy so they don’t bother you anymore and then open up the messages from Ushijima. 

From: Tosh 

5am

Y/N. Where are you? 

Why don’t you answer your phone. 

5:30am 

Y/N. I’m getting worried.

Kags told us that they found a body near the Nest. 

More like pieces of a body.

No one knows if its male or female 

6am

GOD DAMN ANSWER YOUR PHONE 

6:15am 

I was at your apartment. You’re not there??

6:57am

Okay i check the other flats. 

WHERE ARE YOU 

7:23am

Y/n.. please answer. Please. 

I’m freaking out. 

Just tell me your alive 

To: Tosh 

Omg I’m so sorry, I cant talk rn I’m at Bokuto rn. Some guy drugged me and he took care of me. I’ll call you as soon as I’m at the flat again. 

You put your phone away and made your way to the door, you assume has to lead to the bathroom. 

You put off the T-shirt and your panties, you haven’t worn a bra with the dress in the first place, and hop under the shower.

As the hot water runs down your body you mind starts to get normal again. The dizziness fades and all the memories form last night hit you again. 

You just now really realise how dangerous the situation you were in was. 

What if they put one and one together?

It would be your dead body which the police is trying to identify at the moment and probably failing to identify from what you heard about the Jackals. 

The tears start welling up in your eyes and you run down your cheeks. 

You don’t know how long your stood there when you finally hear a knock on the door. 

“Hey Y/N? Are you okay?” You hear Bokuto’s voice from the other side of the door. 

Turning off the water you answer “yes I’m fine, sorry I’m getting ready now” you walk out of the shower and wrap yourself in the big fluffy towel he previously laid down for you. It smells like honey and you’re actually wondering what washing powder he uses. Putting the towel up to your face you inhale the smell, remembering that you smelled some sort of honey back in the club when you were pressed against Bokuto.  It was kind of comforting and immediately made you feel save when you smelled it back then. 

Hell put yourself together y/n. You scroll yourself, You are working for the opposite gang. You should feel save with him. He’d kill you in no time when he finds out that you are a spy.

Taking some deep breaths you pull the towel tighter around yourself and open up the door. 

Bokuto is standing over at the window front watching the city. 

The sun is illuminating his face, making his skin glow and his eye look as if they are made of pure gold. The way his chest moves up and down when he breaths, stretching the fabric of his shirt with every breath he takes. 

You watch him for way too long. The water from your still wet hair dripping on the ground, leaving a small puddle. 

You tiptoe next to him and your eyes wander over the town.

“It looks so peaceful form up here, right?” He comments. 

You nod your head, realising that he isn’t looking at you, you quickly add a small “yes”. 

Bokuto’s gaze moves over to you, “ Are you okay?” He asks. 

You look up to him “Yes I am.” you smile. “No. I’m serious Y/N. I heard you crying, your eyes are still red. You can talk to me okay?” He says, now fully tuned to around to face you, his hands grabbing yours. 

You look down at your hands, which are so small and delicate compared to his. Those hands, the same hands that made you feel save when you thought you were going to die. Those hands, that saved you from falling to the ground as you blacked out. Those hands, you felt stocking your head at night. 

You press your lips together as you feel your eyes getting teary again. Whats wrong with you god damn. You’ve never been a cry baby. You need to get out of here as soon as possible. 

Why is he so nice to me? you ask yourself as he pulls you into his chest, his arms protectively wrapped around you as you feel the tears run down your cheeks. 

That’s not how it’s supposed to be. 

He’s in the Mafia. 

He can kill you right now if he wants to. 

Why am I letting my guard down. 

Why is he so different with me? 

It’s like he’s a totally different person from the one in the club. 

You feel yourself melt into the hug as he presses a kiss onto your head.

HELL I NEED TO GET OUT NOW!

You quickly push yourself off of him and grab your dress and purse walking back into the bathroom to change. 

“Y/N - I’m sorry I -“ you shut the door. 

Within 5 minutes you’re dressed and already walking to the front door. 

“I’ll call a taxi, sorry for bothering you.” You apologise and hurry out of the door, before he can get a chance to answer you. 

Saturday 12 am 

You walk down the streets, trying to sort out your thoughts, coming to the conclusion that this is all the fault of the drug that is still in your blood. There is no other explanation, there can’t be. 

Pulling out your phone you call Ushijima.

After the second ring he answers. 

“Y/N. You are okay right? I SWEAR if this guy touched you I will kill him.”

“Tosh, I’m fine don’t worry, can you pick me up?” 

“I’m already in the car, text me your location” he hangs up. 

You sent him your current location and wait for the familiar sound of his car. 

taglist (open) : @kageyamasbraincell , @theduvetpirate , @tendouthighs ,  @lilacshouko​ @softhourswithseb​ @theperksofcoffee​

[futurewriter2000]

I have a question for you but you dont have to answer it if you dont want to. I want to reset my life and myself. I dont know if I can explain it perfectly but I want to improve my life quality both emotionally and productively. Do you have any recommendations on how to do that?

Oh, honey. There isn’t a reset button but you know what there is? There’s you. There’s your will, you determination, your strength, your love and there’s me to stand by you through all of that. 

I don’t mind answering. I care about you because if you wrote to me out of billions of blogs on here, than that means that you trust me enough. Even if it is anonymous. 

The fact that you want to improve your life in certain areas, is such a huge step to take. I’m proud of you already. 

I know this is going to sound weird but I say that you should listen to your heart and intuition. Stop holding your emotions in, stop trying to please people, stop pretending to be somebody you’re not. I know it’s easier said then done but it’s a process, such a slow process might I add. Here are some things that helped me change my life for the better. 

Positive thinking. This is the worst thing people want to hear. I know. It sucks ass to think positively but I promise you, once you start, once you start forcing yourself to look on the bright side, you’ll start doing it as a good habit. Positive thinking manifests into reality. That’s what 11:11 means for anybody, who follows numerology. This was actually my first step I took on my self-improving journey. Last January 2020 I was so done with life and I saw the numbers 11 everywhere and when I was crying my eyeballs out I saw 01.01 am in the morning and I was so annoyed by it that I googled it with teary eyes and it told me that seeing 1′s is a way of Universe, telling you to stop thinking negatively about everything and start thinking positively because it manifests in your reality. You know everybody likes to be around a positive person. Positivity is attractive af. The more positive you are, more positive people you will attract and inspire. What you give to the universe, the universe will give it back twice as much. So be careful of your own thoughts. 

Work on yourself. Just push everything away. Just the fact to think positively is working on yourself and whenever somebody tries to put you down, rise above it. Always, ALWAYS, look on the bright side, even if you may feel there isn’t one. If you had a shitty day and that everything seemed to go to waste, just think of what you had learned or plan for tomorrow because tomorrow is a new day. Plan, make goals, do a to do list for your life, look for your passion, explore, read,... do what makes you happy man. Write it down, just stay away from moping in your bed (and I’m not saying to not mope or to force yourself to be happy, no. If you feel sad and if you want to mope in your bed, take a day to feel that but don’t stay there forever. Don’t do that for days or weeks.) 

Work on your fears. I believe fear is an illusion. It’s something that exists in our minds and we don’t really know why but I think the biggest fear that there is is what other people think about us and just... dude... just push those thoughts away. Stop overthinking, stop letting anxiety take over because anxiety is bullshit. It’s complete bullshit. It’s not even real. It’s just your thoughts and fears and overthinking. Just tell yourself the opposite. If your anxiety says “They probably think I’m weird.” you say back “Yeah, so what? What will they do? Kill me? Tell other people? Let them tell other people, what will those other people do? Nothing. It’s none of my business. I’m weird and unique and fuck it. I don’t have time to think about this.” I literally always say “So what if they think that? What will they do about it? Nothing. It happened, so fuck it.” 

I think if you work on yourself internally, you will positively start to realise changes on your other areas of your life. I think that people are so focused on their material world (such as job, future, life) that they completely neglect their spiritual world. Your soul needs peace, my man. It needs to be calmed down for a while. I know I probably sound like a hippie rn but it’s so true. Once I started working on my thinking, my emotions, my perspective on things... I just started noticing changes in my life. Such as: when I started thinking positively, a month later I believed in myself enough to be able to raise my grades and learn to treat my hair and skin. The moment I started to see changes on my grades and my hair and my skin, I wanted to work on my body and finish school once and for all. Once I started to see results from my workouts and healthy eating and that I was actually finishing school, I started to see people that were standing in my way and preventing them, so I let them go. Once I let them go (and boy did it hurt like a motherfucker) I started to realise who I am by myself, without any influences of who I should be and once I realised who I am, I also realised how toxic those people in my life were but I knew it man. In my gut I knew it that cutting some people out of my life was the right decisions because my soul got so lighter. It got so fucking light it made me breathe again. It was lonely at first because I didn’t know who I was without them but then I started to get my strength from that loneliness and I realised how many fucking things I can do by myself. Without asking people to do it for me or how to do it. I just did it and I’m ot afraid to do things on my own anymore. I actually prefer doing it on my own. Once I did that, in August I started to love my body, in September I finished school, in October I was accepted to the faculty but dropped out because it wasn’t my dream faculty and I didn’t want to go in the first place. In October I was finally happy and being my most self, I started reading again, drawing, painting, writing, going for long walks, connecting to my roots. I was myself again and it felt so liberating. I decided to take a gap year, create goals for the next year, plan things, organise myself a bit. In November I got a job and finally moved on from the past hurt and trauma. In December I met new people and was happiest I had ever been in so long and right now it’s going to be a year since that 01.01 moment that I looked on the clock and decided to think positively. 

It’s a slow process. There isn’t a reset button and trust me that it’s better that way because once you see the process you made, it makes you so proud and so motivated to keep going. I know it’s hard and long but it’s worth it and you’ll keep seeing signs and inspirations to keep going every day. Just don’t give up. 

I’ll be here if you need anything. I hope this helped and keep me updated. 

All the love <3

[adoratato]

I want to preface this by saying that I am autistic and I don't always recognize when something I write is too blunt or rude, so sorry in advance!

If you don't KNOWtm you can check the anti cc and anti cassandra clare tags of blogs like celiathorne, spaceshipkat, discountalien-pancake, karmacharmeleon18, basilico-e-mentapiperita.

The anti tag on tumblr is full of posts from a miraculous ladybug blog rn so I suggest you check those blogs first. Or you can sort the tag by most popular and find lots of posts! Or google cassandra clare problematic, cyberbully, laptopgate.

Basically: cyberbullying, racism, sexism, queerphobia, plagiarism in her ff days and published works (that got her banned from a fanfic site and recently in a lawsuit with a published author for SH, specifically TMI), money scams (laptopgate), trying to sell merchandise about her HP fanfic (which was stopped because it's illegal), TMI was the title of an incestuos fic she wrote (RonxGinny) and she supports ships like DamonxStefan because they're brothers and says that the fact that it's abusive makes it betterbetter, slutshaming (not only in her books: she criticized show!Izzy aka and ACTUAL person saying she looks like "one of Sebastian's girls" ie a slut), misogyny (not like other girls, girl on girl hate etc.), ableism, and more.

There are so many similarities between her books and other works like Nightrunner (protag is a archer named Alec with blue eyes who falls for an immortal warlock + plot points), The Mortal Engines and The Infernal Devisces (by P.Reeve, set in steampunk London, the villain Valentine is the father of the female protag), The Secret Circle (TMI is sooo similar, down to characters, names and some scenes/plot points like the ring found in the ashes of the manor) and so many others I lost count!

And of course the Dark Hunter series (the lawsuit). In the past hundreds of thousands of SH copies were printed with the DH logo on them because they were so similar and there was a misshap in the printing process. They had to be thrown out. Character names, arcs, plot points.

Anytime someone criticizes her, she calls them misogynists and gets her stans to harrass them by posting teary posts with names. Minors included (as they are the majority of the people that interact with her).

Anytime POC ask her about the racist issues in her books, she blocks them.

When people asked about how she used sexual assault for shock value (it happens and then the characters involved just forget about it), she wrote a long rant about how misogynistic readers just "want to see a girl suffer". Nevermind that the people asking were teen girls and survivors.

There are so many instances like these. She also started hating the show when the writers started changing her problematic writing, and she made no mystery of that on her social media (the fandom was divided in two: book fans and show fans, and she took every chance to make the situation worse, even giving book fans the Twitter of a writer so they could complain directly to him, and insulting the characters's appearance (aka the actors)... but when the show got more popular she "hope to be more involved!")

...

In the past I saw you reblog posts from some of the blogs I cited, that's why I'm surprised you didn't know! And you're a blog that I really like so I wanted you to know what you're supporting with your posts and most likely money.

...

This is so long so don't feel like you have to post it! I don't want to clog your dash. But please don't forget about this!!! Gimme a sign you read it, blink twice idk 😂😂😂

Oh yes I do remember this now! With everything that's happened in life I just forgot, particularly since its not as talked about as much as controversies with say Chris Pratt or JK Rowling

Also you weren't that blunt but maybe that's me talking as an autistic person lol

Also thanks for liking my mess of a blog ❤

[pixiegrl]

One more angst prompt for the moment: “Why are you awake?” for perhaps cake? I am really feeling cake angst rn and I feel like it’s underrepresented

Only took me like 4 months but! Here’s some Cake angst! It’s more uhhhh existential angst bc I keep going through it and I think Luke should have to too. The world is a lot.

On ao3 at: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28864863

Calum knows something’s wrong when he wakes up in the middle of the night to find that Luke’s half of the bed is empty. It’s still dark outside, the moon the only light coming in through curtains. Calum’s woken up from a half remembered dream, bleary and disorientated, and ready to roll over and go back to sleep when he’s met with Luke’s empty half of the bed. Frowning, Calum sits up a little, rubbing at his eyes. The sheets are long cold, clear that Luke’s been up and gone for a bit now. Petunia and Duke are both still at the foot of the bed, snoring lightly. That worries Calum even more, that wherever Luke’s gone, he didn’t take Petunia with him. 

Calum sighs, flipping the sheets back and getting out of bed. He leaves the bedroom, looking around for any lights on in the house. Everything is still dark inside, a clear sign that Luke’s not in here. Calum frowns, worry building up in his chest as he makes his way down the stairs and out into the living room. Calum takes a look around, noticing that the sliding glass door that leads out to their deck is open ajar. If Calum squints, he can just barely make out the shape of Luke outside on one of their chairs. Calum makes his way across the living room, opening the door slightly so that he can join Luke outside. 

Luke turns his head slightly when Calum comes out. The moonlight frames Luke, lighting him up and making him glow. Calum’s forever mesmerized by Luke and the way he looks. No one can ever manage to look as ethereal as Luke, with his upturned perfect slope of a nose, bright blue eyes, and dimpled smile. Like this, outside in the moonlight, Luke manages to look even more like a fairy creature and Calum can’t understand how someone like Luke would pick him, a mere mortal.

Luke smiles weakly, turning back to face forward, staring out at the night sky.  Calum drops into the seat next to Luke, following Luke’s gaze as they stare out at the stars. Calum lets the silence continue for a few moments before he finally speaks up, drawing Luke’s attention to him.  

“Why are you awake?” Luke murmurs, still facing away from Calum. If Calum wasn’t so familiar with Luke, the sound of his voice, the deep rumble of his voice when it’s still sleep soft, Calum probably wouldn’t have picked up on the sad sound of his voice. It’s there though, Luke’s voice a little watery around the edges, like he’s just finished crying or is in the process of holding back the tears.

“Weird dream. I woke up and you weren’t there. The better question is why are you awake? It’s far too late for you to even be awake.”

Luke sniffles, rubbing at his nose, “I don’t know. I woke up and the world was a lot and I couldn’t get back to sleep because my anxiety suddenly started and it made me feel like I was choking. Everything just got so overwhelming I didn’t know what to do.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Calum asks, reaching over to grab Luke’s hand and squeeze. Luke shrugs.

“It’s just like...the world is a lot? All the time? We released an album and we had all these plans and then we went into lockdown and we keep making all these plans hoping eventually it’ll end, but it feels like it’s never going to end. We don’t even know if we’ll be able to tour the rest of this year because they might not even let us travel to other states, let alone leave the country. It just feels like we’re letting all of our fans down and I know we don’t have any control over it, but I can’t help feeling responsible for it all the same. I miss my mom, I miss her so much and I missed my birthday with her and my dad and I’m sure I’m going to miss it this year with them and I know you miss your parents and we can’t do anything about it. And I’m happy Ashton made his album and that he’s happy and fulfilled but then we keep seeing all those articles about how the band was going to break up or that I was a horrible friend because I didn’t post about his album and...it’s just all too much. I just want to exist sometimes, without having to worry about the next thing or what I’m supposed to do or if I go outside to get coffee is someone going to take a picture of me, so they can judge my mask or what I’m doing. Sometimes I can’t breathe because of how much the world is and it’s only gotten worse because I’m stuck instead and it’s all I can think about. All I can focus on is how crushing everything is and I hate it and I need to get it out but I can’t put it all into words and I don’t want to burden you with it all.”

“Luke, you’re my boyfriend. If there’s anyone you should be able to talk to, it’s me. That’s what I’m here for.”

“Exactly. You’re my boyfriend. It’s not your job to take care of me,” Luke says. Calum thinks he means for it to sound mean, but instead Luke just sounds teary as he wipes at his eyes. Calum tugs on Luke’s hand until Luke stands up, coming over to collapse into Calum’s lap. He curls up there, reminding Calum of when Luke was smaller and younger and used to sit on all of them. He’s doing it now, curling up to tuck his head under Calum’s chin as he sniffles. Calum strokes his hair lightly, pressing a kiss to his head.

“It’s not my job, but I want to. I want to help you. I care about you and how you’re feeling. I wish you had told me about all of this. We could have talked about it. I don’t want you to feel alone. We’re in this together,” Calum says. Luke lets out a huff and buries his face into Calum’s chest.

“I don’t want to burden you.” 

“Your mental health is not a burden. Caring about you is not a burden. I love you and I want to be there,” Calum says. Luke makes a soft sound, tilting his head back to look at Calum. 

“Promise?” 

“I promise. I want you to feel comfortable talking about yourself and what you’re feeling. I can’t help you from getting too close to the edge if you don’t tell me.” 

Luke presses his head back into Calum’s chest, humming lightly. Calum threads his fingers back into Luke’s hair. He hums slowly, letting Luke’s humming fade out and holding him close. Eventually, Luke's breathing starts to even out, eyelids drooping slightly. Calum nudges Luke slightly, jostling him awake. 

“Come on. Let’s go back to bed okay. Might feel better,” Calum says. Luke hums, allowing Calum to nudge him out of his lap. Calum holds onto Luke’s hand, guiding him back into the house and upstairs to the bedroom. Calum pulls the comforter back, nudging Luke till he crawls under the covers. Calum crawls in next to Luke, pulling Luke to his chest and letting Luke snuggle in. 

“I love you. Thank you for always being there.” 

“I love you. I’m always here for you,” Calum says. He listens to Luke’s breathing even out, evidence of his drifting off to sleep. Calum can’t ease all of Luke’s anxiety, but he can be there for Luke whenever he needs it. He loves Luke, adores him and loves him. Everything will look better in the light of day when they have each other. It always does. 

[darlinvandijk]

Valentine’s Disaster

Concept: Haven’t posted in awhile, I’m very sorry about that, but here’s a nice surprise holiday post while I work on getting myself back to normal. I wrote this today so hopefully it’s not too terrible and rushed, because trust me it’s very rushed. I love you all very much and hope your day is filled with love and happiness. (Ps. Will you be my valentine?) I hope you enjoy :)

I groggily roll over, reaching my arm out to grab onto my boyfriend, only to end up disappointingly grasping cold sheets. Lately Ruel has been in the studio everyday, from sunrise to sunset, coming home so tired to the point that all he does is sleep, leaving us with no time to actually spend together. I just want to be able to spend one day with him, where it’s just us for once, especially on a day like today. I sit up, looking around for any sign of him, instantly spotting what appears to be a sticky note on his bedside table. I roll across the bed to his side, peeling the note off of the table, just to end up with a stomach sinking feeling of disappointment. I keep rereading the note, ‘Didn’t want to wake you, in studio today for new tracks , love you’, a feeling of loneliness taking over my body. I grab my phone, checking for any notifications that maybe Ruel texted me something cute, only to see texts from his sisters and mom, telling me they’re having flowers delivered today for me from them.

I drag myself out of bed, slowly pulling myself into the bathroom so that I can wash up for the morning, even though it’s 12 since I slept in today. I set my phone up with the speaker, hitting play on favorite playlist, before getting into the steaming shower. As I stand under the hot spray of the water, letting it wash all over my skin, I can’t help but think about how everyone I know will be with their boyfriends and girlfriends. They’re all going to be lovey dovey with each other, whereas I’m going to be right here at home, because mine just so happened to forget. My heart clenches as the reality of him forgetting sets in, causing me to finish up my shower with teary eyes.

I pull on a pair of shorts and Ruels golf hoodie, getting ready to spend my day cleaning up the apartment. As I walk out of the room, sliding in my favorite fuzzy socks he got me for Christmas, I can’t help but have a sense of hope fill me. That hope vanishes as soon as I found the corner, seeing that the living room and dining room are indeed empty, no sign of a Valentine’s surprise anywhere. I shrug off the sad reality and get to work on the living room, sliding around and singing along to my favorite songs, hoping to put myself into a better mood.

My singing instantly gets cut off as I hear my phone ring, filling me up with excitement that my bubs might be calling me, causing me to answer without looking at the number calling. “Hey babes! How’s your day going? My brother get you anything I can make fun of him for, we both know he’s such a sap for you” Coco laughs out, Sylvies laugh echoing in the background. I let out a small laugh, sad that it wasn’t my boyfriend, but even more sad that the girls are giving me more attention than he is. I ponder how to reply for a few seconds, knowing that no matter what I say, Coco is going to lose her mind.

“Actually Co, he’s in the studio today, left me a note on his bedside that I woke up to. No flowers, chocolates, or even a text. Like he actually forgot. ” I softly hum out, picking at the sleeves of his hoodie. The call hangs up, causing me to look at my phone with wide eyes, only for it to light up with an incoming FaceTime call. I answer the call, letting out a laugh as Sylvie and Cocos faces are practically pressed against the camera, both of them watching me in shock.

“You’re fucking with me, there’s no way he forgot! Like are you sure he’s just not surprising you with something later today?” Sylvie questions, finding it hard to believe her brother would forget a day like this. I give them a small shrug, turning the camera and showing them the empty apartment, completely free of any surprises. I watch the looks of disappoint that fill their faces, laughing at how they’re just as bothered by it as I am.

“This makes no sense, he literally uses any excuse to spoil you, and uh like it’s Valentine’s? He’s an idiot, I’m sorry babes, I know how much you look forward to celebrating any sort of holiday with him since he’s gone so much” Coco tells me with a small frown gracing her lips, I give her a soft smile back, not wanting the girls to feel bad for something they had no control over. We talk for a little longer, before both girls frown, having to leave for their own separate dates today. I reassure them that I’m okay, sending them off with a grin and blowing a kiss before I end the call, leaving me to sit on the couch with a deep frown glued to my face.

I finish cleaning the place around 3 pm, before settling back onto the couch, this time with a blanket as I put on a movie to keep myself occupied. I get up and walk to the door, opening it to see a delivery man, holding a bouquet of light pink roses out to me. A grin instantly takes over my face at the sight of the flowers, the first real smile I’ve had all day today. “Hello miss, these are for you, and I had special instructions to tell you that these are for you from the best Van Dijk and others” the delivery man states, reading off of a card, causing me to let out a laugh, knowing Coco did that without Kate and Sylvie knowing. I thank him and close the door, making my way to the dining room, setting the flowers into a vase with water on the dining room table, smiling at the way they seemed to light up the room.

I get my phone out and take a short video of the flowers, posting it onto my story with hearts and the caption “from my loves”, knowing Coco and Sylvie would be checking their phones all day until I made a post about their loving surprise. I take one last look at the flowers before grabbing my blanket off of the couch in the living room, and making my way into our shared bedroom, deciding to just spend the rest of my day watching Netflix in the comforts of my bed.

Two hours pass and I’m scrolling through my phone as a movie plays on in the background, when I get a notification from the Van Dijk family group chat, causing me to instantly tense up knowing Ruel is in it. I open it up to end up seeing that it’s Kate asking everyone to send pictures from today so she can post them on Facebook, causing me to instantly cringe that she didn’t know what happened and Ruel was about to get called out.

Before I can even reply to her, in hopes that I can divert the attention from Valentine’s pictures, Ruel replies. I read his text that says ‘Pictures of what? I’m at the studio rn so’, annoyance instantly setting in at how he can’t remember something like this, but I can put in the effort to remember even the smallest of important dates for him. I sit there waiting for someone to reply, because I know damn well I’m not going to be the one to do it first. All of a sudden pictures from Sylvie and Coco come in of them with their boyfriends, just them and their gifts and flowers and balloons, giving me the inspiration to send my own photo to the group chat. I go out to where my flowers sit, setting my phone up with a timer, as I sit on the table with my giant bouquet right next to me, flashing the camera a cheesy grin. I look at the picture and laugh, knowing Kate is going to love it, before hitting send.

All of the girls react to my photo with a heart, even Ralph reacts to it with a heart, before my phone is lit up with an incoming phone call. I let it ring for a few seconds before answering it, already knowing that he still doesn’t remember what today was, and was probably going to jump to conclusions. Let’s just say that usually I’d think jealous Ruel was cute, but when I’m also pissed off, it becomes a lot less endearing. Before I can even say hello to him, he’s already spewing out words, unaware of the thin line he’s riding on.

“Who the fuck sent you flowers, because I know it wasn’t me. Just saw that you also have a post for them? Who are you calling ‘love’, is it that one friend of yours? What’s his name, Matt? The same one that continuously blows up your phone, you told me he was just a-“ He spits out, completely taking me off guard. I let him go on for a bit, before taking a deep breath and cutting him off, because if anyone is going to look like an ass, it’s going to be him.

“Trust me, I think we all know you weren’t the one to get me flowers Ruel. Also if you would have read my post more closely, instead of jumping to a conclusion, you would have seen that it was plural! It was loves, not love, because it was from your family asshole-“ I hiss out, all my pent up emotions from the day finally bursting out, leaving Ruel completely silent on the other end. I take a few deep breaths to ease my shaky breathing before continuing. “Also Matt? Like really? You’re going to accuse me of talking to another guy, when you know I’d never do that, you know you’re the only guy in my life. He’s also like 25 and oh I don’t know, engaged!” I yell out, completely fed up with how my day had turned out.

“What? Why did they send you flowers then? Not like you’ve done anything lately to deserve them” He snaps out, both of us feeding off of each other’s aggravation, making us spew out insults we both don’t mean. I feel my anger just dissipate, leaving me to sit here, my shaky breathing the only thing you could hear in the silence, my eyes turning glossy with unshed tears. I sniffle and wipe at my eyes, feeling the disappointment from the whole day turn into hurt.

“You’re an asshole, you know that? Have fun by yourself tonight and sleep on the couch, like I’m sorry I just wanted to spend time with my boyfriend today, but now I don’t want to talk to you anymore for the rest of the day-“ I spit out, my voice cracking with emotion. I hear a sharp intake on the other end from Ruel, him finally realizing that he passed pissing me off. I take in a deep breath before finishing off the call, “oh and Happy Valentine’s Day.” I emotionlessly state, hearing him about to say something, but getting cut off as I hang up the phone. I walk back into our bedroom and lock the door, deciding to just take a nap, but not wanting him to show up while I’m asleep and try to talk to me. I get under the blankets and grab Ruels pillow, curling my body around it, before falling asleep with tears slowly sliding down my face.

I finally wake up from my nap and lean over to grab my phone so that I can check the time, seeing that it’s already 8 pm and that I have about 20 unopened texts from Ruel. I sit there silently and listen to see if I can hear him in the living room, only to be met with silence, meaning he probably decided to just stay at his family’s house for the night. My stomach rumbles, causing me to get up so I can first go to the bathroom and rinse off my red and puffy tear streaked face, and then slowly make my way out of the bedroom to search for food.

I freeze as soon as I walk out of the room, looking at the trail of rose petals that I’m stepping on, the string lights on the floor of the hallway illuminating the rose path, and all the different pictures of us or candids of me that I’ve never seen before lining both sides of the hallway. I feel my eyes start to well up with tears as I see just how many photos he’s taken of me throughout the years, photos of me that he’s kept saved for himself to look at when he’s not with me. I let out a choked sob as I walk down the hallway, looking from side to side at all the pictures, before making it to the end of the trail, looking up and instantly letting the tears fall down my face. In front of me stands Ruel, holding the biggest bouquet of red roses that he could probably find on such short notice.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean anything I said, or any of the things I tried to say you were doing. I know saying sorry isn’t enough, but I hope you’ll be able to forgive me for being an ass. I’m sorry that I forgot about today, I should have been here with you-“ he starts off, his eyes slightly red rimmed, and his hands shaky as he passes me the bouquet that I can barely hold. I watch him with wide eyes, the tears still silently making their way down my face, completely in awe at everything surrounding me. “I was frustrated at the studio and took it out on you, it was an asshole move I know. I love you more than I could even describe, you’re my best friend and the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with. But I uhm got you some things in hopes of trying to make it up to you as much as I could on short notice” he mumbles out, scratching the back of his neck as he motions around us. I ignore his motion to the stuff around us, feeling my heart swell with guilt as the green eyed boy in front of me pleads with me to forgive him, knowing that he didn’t mean to hurt me.

“I love you so much bubs, you’re my everything. I’m sorry for everything I said and how mad I was. I don’t care about Valentine’s Day, I just wanted an excuse to be able to spend a whole day with you and only have your attention on me and not work. It was selfish of me to be so angry.” I mumble before I pass him back the flowers to look around the room that he’s anxiously waiting for me to hurry up and see, my eyes end up scanning across a basket filled with my favorite candy, a giant tan teddy bear laying across our couch, vases of red roses scattered throughout the living and dining room, rose petals across the floor, balloons in the corner of the room, and then a little box that is now in Ruels hand? I slowly shuffle towards him, watching as he sets my flowers down and anxiously plays with the little box in his hands. I open my mouth to ask him what it is, only for him to shove the box into my hands and scratch the back of his neck anxiously.

“Ruel what’s this? You’ve already gotten me more than enough, I promise it’s okay. Like literally this is the most that anyone’s ever done for me, I really don’t deserve you” I softly state, trying to give him the box back, only for him to move out of my reach and tell me to open the box. I look down at it and open it, only to be left perplexed by what’s in my hands. I lift it out of the box, looking on both sides for any sort of engraving, coming up blank when I find none. He takes in a deep breath, his face starting to take on a pink hue, letting me know how nervous he is. He walks up to me and pulls me into a hug, kissing the top of my head softly, before pulling back a little with his arms still around my waist.

“I-i was actually going to do this a different day, but I figured it would be better to do this now. I want you to know how much I love you and how dedicated I am to our future together.. so that’s ours” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead as I watch him in confusion. I look at it as it rests in my hand, trying to understand what this boy was trying to surprise me with.

“What is ours bubs? I literally don’t know what this is for-” I slightly laugh out, trying to piece it all together. Ruel grabs it out of my hands and pulls his phone out of his pocket, scrolling until he lands on whatever it was he was looking for. He turns the phone to me, causing my head to snap up, staring into his eyes with nothing but love. I jump onto him, his arms instantly wrapping around me and holding me as tight as he can, both of us sniffling from the tears leaking from our eyes. “Are you being serious?” I choke out, pulling back a little bit, watching as his green eyes studied my face with adoration.

“I hope you like it sweetheart, Happy Valentine’s Day-” he mumbles into my ear, swaying us side to side as he holds me against him. I clutch onto him, gripping him as tight as possible as my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. My head already filled with all the ideas and possibilities that are soon to come, all with the man I love more than anything. “I can’t wait to start my life with you bubba, because that key to our new house is only the beginning” he states, my hands instantly tangling in his hair as I smash his lips against mine. Honestly who would’ve thought a disastrous Valentine’s Day would be able to become one of the best days of my life.

But now that we have a house and get to really start on our future together, the real question is... is there a proposal on the way?

[trensu]

Episode 48: The One where JGY and SS Host a Pity Party and Everyone Wishes They Hadn't

The show just dunks us right into yunmeng bro feelings again

jc's all should i get on my knees and thank you?

and wwx is like i never wanted your thanks

and now jc is just spilling his insecurities all over the place

Blah wwx was always better than him blah blah everyone liked wwx more blah blah DADDY ISSUES blah blah blah

and wwx just looks more and more hurt as all this bitterness is pouring out of his little brother 😞

i mean even jl was like hey uncle, maybe don't do that???

lwj is glaring at jc the whole time ofc

and jc gets so mad he tries to start a physical fight EVEN THO HE HAS A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST

which is actually quite hilarious if you ignore how utterly heartbreaking the yunmeng bros relationship is

thankfully jl and lxc hold him back (not that he could've gone very far bc again GAPING STAB WOUND)

and ofc lwj has to throw in his two cents

lwj: clan leader jiang. Discretion

oh lwj, a man of few words

Oh no, ohno, oh nooooo, jc’s starting on their oath oh god

“YOU SAID THAT I WOULD BE THE CLAN LEADER AND YOU WOULD BE MY SUBORDINATE. YOU WOULD ASSIST ME FOR LIFE”

“SO WHAT IF THE TWIN JADES OF GUSU ARE THERE. WE WERE THE TWIN HEROES OF YUNMENG”

*GROSS SOBBING*

CAN I TOO GET A GAPING STAB WOUND IN THE CHEST BC I'M PRETTY SURE THAT WOULD HURT LESS

OH GOD WWX'S EYES ARE ALL RED

"YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING. YOU TREAT ME LIKE A LITTLE FOOL."

OH THIS HURTS SO MUCH

that last bit, tho. i can't even hold that against him bc wwx DID lie to him. he DID neglect to trust him and his judgement. 

he took jc's choice away and made it for him, and that's not cool. 

and, like, i get it, I do bc i would probably want to do the same thing wwx did if i were in a similar situation with my own siblings

BUT STILL

jc: shouldn't i hate you? can't i hate you?

WHICH REALLY JUST TELLS ME THAT HE DOESN'T HATE WWX

HE WOULD NOT BE THIS TORN UP, THIS TEARFUL MESS, IF HE DIDN'T STILL LOVE HIS BROTHER AND WANT HIM BACK

this whole time jc is inching towards wwx, getting closer and closer until he's close enough to punch him if he wanted

Jc does make a sudden sharp movement towards wwx 

Which obvs has lwj jolting forward to protect wwx

But wwx IMMEDIATELY puts a hand on lwj's knee

jin ling darts forward to hold his uncle and is like, hanguang jun, my uncle's hurt!!

BC JC IS THE ONLY NOT EVIL AND/OR DEAD FAMILY HE HAS LEFT 

AND EVEN JL KNOWS THAT LWJ IS SO VERY WILLING TO HURT ANYONE WHO HURTS WWX

I AM HAVING TOO MANY EMOTIONS

jc's angry and hurting and is like i'm not afraid of lwj, come at me bro

lwj GLARES at him, brow furrowed and mouth pinched

jc: why? why wwx? why didn't you tell me?

oh god, he's not even yelling anymore, he's just fucking crying and i'm crying and there's just wet icky tears everywhere

wwx takes a shuddery breath and tells him it's bc he didn't want to see him like this

JC: you said i would be clan leader and you would be my subordinate. you would assist me for life. you'd never betray the jiang clan. you said it yourself

HE'S NOT YELLING. HE'S NOT EVEN ANGRY

his voice is weak, and shaky, and weepy and he's just so, so hurt

AND I'M A SOBBING MESS

and wwx swallows passed the lump in his throat but his voice still sounds a bit raw when he speaks

wwx: i'm sorry. i broke my promise.

FUCK 

FUCKING HELL

MY YUNMENG BROS

jc: we've reached this point. i don't need your apology now. i'm not that delicate

STFU JC, YOU BALD-FACED LIAR, "NOT THAT DELICATE" 

YOU'RE AS MUCH OF A SOBBING WRECK RN AS I AM

GET A THERAPIST JC

"NOT THAT DELICATE" I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. GOD. NOT THAT DELICATE

JC: i'm sorry

*sobsobsobsob* MY YUNMENG BROS

wwx: don't apologize to me. that's what i owed the jiang clan.

here wwx closes the distance between them to place a hand on his brother's arm

HUG HIM GOD DAMN IT, LET MY YUNMENG BROS HAVE A PROPER HUG

wwx: as for this matter, please don't keep it in your heart.

and he goes on to say smth like i know you probably won't let go, but it's water under the bridge, that was all stuff that happened in my past life

AND THEN HE REACHES UP AND GENTLY WIPES AWAY JC'S TEARS WITH HIS THUMB

AND GIVES HIM A SWEET LITTLE SMILE

AND I'M DYING. MY HEART HURTS SO MUCH I'M DYING

I SHOULD'VE KEPT A BOX OF TISSUES NEAR ME, MY SLEEVES ARE ALL SNOTTY AND DISGUSTING NOW, DAMN IT ALL

AND THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST 10 MIN OF THE EPISODE WTF

I’VE BEEN REDUCED TO A SNIFFLING WEEPING MESS IN 10MIN FLAT WTF 

yunmeng bro moment ends (thank god) and we cut to the next scene where nhs is oh so conveniently regaining consciousness

now all the diggers are screaming to remind us that oh yeah, there's like Plot Stuff here, it's not just about the yunmeng bros

ss gives jgy some meds bc he's hurt or smth, who gives a damn

our boys follow jgy back to the dig site for Plot Reasons

and SURPRISE!! we have nmj's no-longer-headless dead body!!

lwj and wwx look at each other like WTF??

oooooh boy, nhs gave jgy the dirtiest look

wwx is being Clever again and pointing out Plot Relevant Things 

ss gets all offended and holds wwx at sword point 

but there's lwj with bichen in its scabbard, one step in front of him and ready to block anything ss sends their way bc lwj is not gonna let wwx get hurt if he can help it

ss is all like wwx you set him up! And wwx’s face is like, i aint even bovvered

wwx: i'm saying this with all modesty, but if i were the one who set him up, i'm afraid he wouldn't have just gotten one arm hurt

HOT DAMN

LOVE MY SUNSHINE BOY

and here my sunshine boy is being all Clever again and laying out all the facts and explaining how there's a 3rd party involved in all this

LOLOLOL HE'S REALLY PLAYING THIS UP FOR JGY TOO

he's like, there might be a predator behind you, the guy who's been spying on you this whole time...HE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE HUMAN

oh wwx, so Dramatic™

but hey it's working bc jgy looks spooked as hell

LOLOLOL

HE SEES JGY START FREAKING OUT AND HE LOOKS OVER TO LWJ AND GRINS AT HIM LIKE, HEY LAN ZHAN, SEE WHAT I DID, LOL, I SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF THIS LOSER, DID YOU SEE? 

oh, now wwx and jc are bound by the wrists but not lwj, for some reason? 

Which, rude, why deny lwj the chance to be tied up? Let him try new experiences! What if he likes to be tied up? 

NOW HE’LL NEVER KNOW BC YOU DIDN’T LET HIM TRY IT

jgy and ss have a moment that i don't care about but i have to mention it

bc RIGHT AFTER we see our precious beautiful sunshine boy lean WAY into lwj's space to talk shit about them

like, seriously, just a couple inches more, and wwx would be resting his cheek on lwj's shoulder 

IT'S WONDERFUL AND I WISH HE'D GET EVEN CLOSER

shockingly, lwj is NOT as distracted as i would be having wwx that close 

bc he's studying ss and SUDDENLY SEES HE'S GOT THE HUNDRED-HOLES CURSE ON HIM 

which btw, EWW?? THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING EVER 

I REALLY WISH THEY'D STOP SHOWING IT SO MUCH BC IT MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL

he tells ss to turn around to get a better look and wwx sees it too!! he's like, IT WAS YOU!!!

and for the audience's benefit, nhs goes to lxc and is all what's going on???

lxc and jc gives some exposition about blah blah blah stuff we know about already

amidst all this we keep getting shots of wwx looking stunned and hurt (but still oh-so-beautiful)

wwx: jgy, i didn't do anything against you back then. we were not even that familiar. you wanted to kill jzx. why did you push that on me?

HE LOOKS SO HURT AND ANGRY AND CONFUSED BC WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HIM? WHY DID JGY HAVE TO USE HIM??

and lwj is watching wwx while he shouts this and god how can he stand watching his soulmate be hurt over and over and over again?? HOW DOES HE COPE?

jgy does a mini Rant of Evil Explanation and ss does a rant about classism

which, if said by literally anybody else, i'd say hm, yes, you have a point 

but bc it's said by ss, a spineless coward who never takes responsibility for his own actions, i'm like STFU SS

omg lolololol

ss: would i have been swept out of lan clan like a pile of leaves [if I were highborn]??

AND ICE PRINCE LWJ ANSWERS ALMOST BEFORE SS COULD FINISH ASKING

lwj: Yes.

AND THEN HE LOOKS SS DEAD IN THE EYE

lwj: betrayers won't be tolerated by the lan clan

HELL FUCKING YEAH

YOU WEREN'T KICKED OUT BC YOU WERE LOW-BORN, SS

YOU WERE KICKED OUT BC YOU'RE A TRAITOROUS COWARD

and like, i need to point out that lwj is sitting cross legged on the ground right now (along with wwx, ofc) and ss is standing over him while ranting

and YET, the way lwj holds himself and the way he speaks, does in no way indicate that he's at a disadvantage here

dude's unflappable. JADE OF LAN, INDEED

ss is like i am so sick of your condescending attitude

then he's like just bc i made that one little mistake you could never forgive me!!

FUCKING EXCUSE ME??? 

LITTLE? LITTLE MISTAKE??? 

HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED BC OF YOU SS?

HOW MANY DIED BC YOU BETRAYED THEM??

ss continues to rant and starts to go off his rocker

and then wwx starts to laugh but it's not a happy laugh

it is, in fact, a laugh very similar to the laugh we heard in The One where the Moonlit Rooftop Betrays Us

ss is like, what's so funny???

wwx: nothing. i just didn't expect...

AND HE'S GETTING TEARY HERE EVEN AS HE LAUGHS

WWX: i didn't expect you to get so many people killed just for...just for this

HE LOOKS SO DISILLUSIONED

MY POOR PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY

THE WORLD KEEPS DISAPPOINTING HIM

omg i want to RING JGY'S NECK WITH ZIDIAN

HE'S GETTING ALL UP IN WWX'S FACE

TELLING HIM THAT NO MATTER HOW KIND OR CHIVALROUS HE IS, HE WILL ALWAYS BE BLAMED FOR ANY BAD THING THAT HAPPENS, THAT NO ONE WILL EVER BELIEVE OR TRUST HIM

FUCK YOU JGY I HATE YOU SO MUCH

MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY IS TREMBLING WITH RAGE

bc he knows it's true. ppl really ARE always going to suspect the yiling patriarch.

oooh, jc just defended his brother! sort of.

But it has the unfortunate side effect of drawing jgy’s attention

so now jgy is cutting into jc

god jgy talks a lot. stfu jgy.

wwx has been teary eyed on and off this entire episode so far but hasn't actually cried

but jgy is now belittling all of jc's work, all the effort he put in to rebuilding lotus pier, implying that he wouldn't have been able to do if not for wwx

and that's the breaking point, that's what makes wwx finally shed a tear.

lwj is watching wwx, as always, and sees wwx cry

he must feel utterly helpless

ooooh, MY CLEVER SUNSHINE BOY

EVEN AMIDST ALL THIS TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL PAIN, HE PICKED UP ON JGY'S TRIGGER WORD(S)

wwx: just a "son of a whore" made you talk so much

oooh jgy tries to leave but wwx stops him in his tracks by asking him how he killed nmj

and then he's like "aren't you afraid?"

CHILLS, MAN, I'M GETTING CHILLS AT HOW HE DELIVERS THIS

SO CALM, COOL AND COLLECTED YET TINGED WITH A THREAT

jgy: afraid of what? (lol he whirls around angrily like the Drama queen he is)

wwx leans forward and looks him dead in the eye

wwx: afraid of him coming back to you

AND THE SMIRK HE WEARS

THAT'S THE SMIRK OF THE YILING PATRIARCH 

He smirks and leans back against the pillar, all easy and relaxed while jgy looks freaked the fuck out

and then

THEN

WWX STARTS TO WHISTLE

RESENTFUL ENERGY COMES IN TO STROKE AT JGY'S ARM ALL MENACINGLY

I'M GETTING CHILLS ALL OVER 

THIS IS SUCH A BADASS MOVE ON WWX'S PART

and also, holy shit do i enjoy those close up shots of wwx's eyes and his beautiful beautiful lips

the sound team did a great job making those whistles sound super eerie, btw

i can't get over how cool and confident wwx looks here

he's not worried or bothered AT ALL, this is him doing what he does best

Wait, do i have a competency kink…?

LOL JGY JUST GOT BITCHSLAPPED BY RESENTFUL ENERGY, LOVE IT

wwx has stopped whistling now, which is unfortunate bc that means no more extreme close-ups on wwx's gorgeous features

jgy: yiling patriarch, you're worthy of your title, aren't you?

YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT HE IS!

Okay yeah, i guess i have a competency kink now, THANKS A LOT WWX

FUCKING SU SHE JUST TRIED STABBING WWX

LWJ TO THE RESCUE, HELL YEAH

OUR MAN HANGUANG JUN LEAPS TO HIS FEET AND NOT ONLY BLOCKS THE STRIKE

HE FREAKING SLICES SU SHE'S WEAK ASS SWORD IN TWO 

THEN FOLLOWS UP WITH A SLICE AT SU SHE'S WRIST

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG JUN

Lwj calmly goes over to wwx and slices off the ropes that were keeping his wrists tied and does the same to jc

wwx goes up to jgy (who's held at sword point by lxc) and calmly takes his weapons

wwx: jgy, hand it over. it's not of much use in your hands.

with a deceivingly dainty clink, Plot Device 3 rolls out of jgy's sleeve and into his hand

then he lets it fall to the ground bc he's a petty bitch that way

we get to see wwx being all Smart Detective and revealing just how long jgy has been planning all this 

jgy’s all like even between me and xy we could only create Plot Device 3 half as powerful as Plot Device 2

LOLOL THAT'S BC THE TWO OF YOU ARE WORTHLESS HACKS.

WWX HAS MORE SKILL AND TALENT IN HIS PINKY FINGER THAN THE BOTH OF YOU COMBINED

man there's a lot of Plot Exposition happening and lxc is having Feelings about it.

DON'T FUCKING LOWER YOUR SWORD LXC WHAT ARE YOU DOING

look lxc, i don't mean to sound cruel or heartless or whatever, but omg i do NOT CARE about your complicated Emotions right now

NOT WHEN IT'S GIVING JGY THE OPENING TO MANIPULATE AN ESCAPE

jgy is now being like "oh, i was wrong" and acting all pitiful and TOTALLY PLAYING LXC FOR A FOOL (AGAIN)

wwx: hey, jgy, can't we stop talking? let's just fight? can we just start killing each other?

LOLOLOLOLOL 

HE TOTALLY SAW THAT JGY WAS MANIPULATING THE SITUATION AGAIN AND IS LIKE, NOPE, NOT DOING THAT AGAIN

LESS WORDS MORE SWORDS PLZ

LIKE, MY BOY IS JUST DONE. HE IS DONE WITH THIS. LET'S GET TO THE FIGHT NOW THX.

jgy ignores this and keeps talking to lxc AND OMG WWX'S FAAAAACE IS CRACKING ME UP 

GOD WORDS ARE NOT GONNA DO IT JUSTICE

HE JUST LOOKS AT JGY FOR A SECOND LIKE, SRSLY BRO? BEFORE ROLLING HIS EYES AND SCRUNCHING UP HIS EYEBROWS LIKE "CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS GUY, JFC"

IT'S SO FREAKING FUNNY OMG

meanwhile jgy continues to throw a pity party that no one likes and the episode ends

There really wasn’t much wangxian time in this episode, fucking jgy and ss decided to HOG ALL THE SCREEN TIME, THOSE PATHETIC WHINY ASSHOLES

but we got a lot of Yungmeng Bros which was painful but waaaay better than anything jgy or ss has to offer

Return to Masterpost

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#36)

5x13, the series finale i have heard nothing but good things about - I made it y’all! *wipes tear* this is a show i will definitely rewatch! It definitely feels like the kind of show that’s so layered that every time you go back you’ll pick up something new. I love shows like that.

i haven’t been on tumblr on my computer in a long time but im gonna go through and add “read more”s to all of these recaps! 

(thanks to anyone who read these nonsense recaps! if you enjoyed these...in addition to my currently-on-hiatus riverdale podcast @bodysuitsforbughead, I have another teen drama-centered podcast in the works, follow @LeftyTeenDrama on Twitter and @leftistteendrama on Instagram to get updates when it launches! I’m taking a break on working on it till i move but it’s gonna be a big part of my 2021 projects. I’ve already recorded one episode with two of my favorite people in the world and it’s gonna be amazing. It will be about a variety of teen dramas, but FNL will definitely be included.)

and without further ado, my final FNL ramblings under the cut:

And we open with one last montage of shots around Dillon from a car, with a “Christmas in Texas” song playing. Amazing. 

Oh wow, I love the “FIVE DAYS TILL THE CHAMPIONSHIP” vibe. The build-up is already here. A shot of Julie in the stands watching practice! 

It’s super uncomfortable that people are talking to Vince about his “future teammates” on the Panthers before the post-season is even over.  “I don’t really wanan talk about that. I want to talk about how the East Dillon Lions are gonna win State.” “Is that a promise?” These Texas sports journalists are WILD. this is a teenage boy whose school’s funding just got cut right before the biggest game of his life! Can we have some sympathy?!

“I hear they’re taking the cream of the crop for the Superteam so I’m gonna be honest with you, what are you gonna do?” EXCUSE ME SIR? I repeat, TEENAGE BOY. Tinker’s response of “you’re an asshole” and storming away was more than appropriate!!!

“No comment”ing his way out of there like a champ.

Ah, the age-old tradition of decorating a Christmas tree while arguing about a five-year football coach contract in Dillon or a dean of admissions job offer at a prestigious Philadelphia college. Julie’s just sitting there with Gracie like ooooh boy 

“Here is where we put our tree, not Philadelphia! It’s a Texas tree.” OMG STOP IT. Lol Julie putting her hands over her ears.

YAY MATT SARACEN IS AT THE DOOOOORRRRR im so excited

Wow I did not expect this proposal to come that quickly into the episode! Like i knew it was coming in this episode but aw. They’re so soft! Just like, oh i’ve been thinking about you nonstop since our perfect Chicago tryst and oh look here’s grandma’s ring let me casually get down on one knee in the town where we fell in love. And after she was just talking about how much she misses Matt to Tyra the episode before? That “yes” she gave feels so certain because of it. Aw.

The grandma’s ring really fucks me up because you know how close Julie and Grandma Saracen have gotten over the years. My heart!

“Oh my God, your dad must’ve flipped.” “...What do you mean?” OH NO Eric Taylor is totally the type to care. “...When you asked him to marry me.” Oh I knew this proposal was too early in the episode, im dying!

“You need to go man to man.” Ugh Julie i liked Matt’s plan of just going and telling them much better. His look of fear when he repeats “man to man.” dead. 

Wow no theme song??? That’s how you know it’s gonna be a long series finale!

Andddd here we are, a bickering Riggins “I may or may not be going to Alaska.” “Is it because you raw dogged Tyra last night?” i literally gasped.

LMAO Mindy trying to say Tim and Tyra are incest now that Mindy and Billy are married and then Tim and Billy immediately being like “nope, no blood lines, that’s not how incest works.” Someone should send that memo to all those anti bughead stans about bughead and falice

“What do you think about me taking Stevie for the day?” “I’m fine with that. There’s no going back, I’m going to get the bag.” LOL Mindy spoken like a true parent also YES to Tim and Stevie spending time together.

Poor Jess not realizing that asking Eric if she can follow him to the Panthers is a much bigger question than she thinks se’s asking.

AWW Tim and Stevie at Grandma Collette’s. How cute. 

“Seven’s back in town?” “Yeah, he and Julie got engaged!” 

Tim/Tyra and Matt/Julie double date?? Aw I love that Tyra knows that Matt and Julie got engaged. I really love Tyra and Julie’s friendship. 

I’m laughing really hard at Matt’s speech to Eric trying to ask permission. This is so funny. 

Eric’s like, “is this kid serious rn?” 

Not to be that northern bitch but don’t kids get married at 18/19 all the fucking time in Texas?? I feel like it’s more common in even more rural parts of like...any state.

“The answer to your question is gonna be no today, it’s gonna be no tomorrow, and it’s gonna be no until the sun burns out.” LMAO wow i didn’t see this coming

“This was really just a courtesy, we were hoping for your blessing.” YES MATT.

OH BOY Eric did not just try to speak FOR his daughter, im not about it. “My daughter’s answer to you is ‘no.’” That’s some patriarchal shit right there.

“We’ll never know if we’re East Coast people if we don’t try it!” “We have a MUCH BIGGER problem.” Dude, it’s Matt Saracen, the softest boy who has loved your daughter for years, i actually think the fundamental decision of where you and Tami continue your future might be slightly more pressing. 

“I don’t know why you’re yelling at me! I think we agree on this!” IM SCREAMINGGGG 

Aw, Tami getting teary-eyed at Grandma Saracen’s ring. “It’s just, y’all are so young.” I know but this is a TV show universe so we let teen marriage slide for the right couples, ok. 

Tami and Eric wanna take Matt and Julie to A CONVERSATION DINNER??? This is gonna be so funny. 

Aw, Vince got his dad a ticket to state? “I want you to be there.” if this fucker doesn’t just come and shut his mouth

Oh wow Becky’s mom is finally coming back? And yay Becky’s finally over her Tim crush. “So friends?” “I say family.” AWWW MY HEART.

“You guys were our age when you got married.” ARE YOU SERIOUS? “It was a different time.” Y’all have no leg to stand on here.

“Marriage requires maturity.” Says the man who won’t let his wife take a huge job offer. What, who said that? (Okay the way Tami’s watching Eric give this speech about compromise, thinking she’s thinking the same thing.)

“You guys got married when you were my age, and how many times did you move? How many different things you’ve gone through and look how you’ve made it work. You guys are my inspiration.” AW. I wish my parents had a stable enough marriage to be able to say that LOL but nope.

OH NO poor Tami getting up from the table because she’s emotional! Because she’s clearly always thought of her marriage that way too but maybe not lately AH

Eric, babe, that’s your cue to follow. 

Oh shit, Jess’s family is moving to Dallas? Well, damn.

Eric saw Vince not take a ticket for his dad and came to his watering hole to hand deliver it? “Young man gets a chance like that maybe once in a lifetime.” and mic drop, walk away.

Luke casuaklly meeting Becky’s mom for the first time while coming by to try to win Becky back. “I love you. I’m so sorry.” AWWW. growth!

YES cheers to Matt and Julie! “Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. Saracen.”

“Always thought you’d be the first person to say that.” AW

Yes halfway through college, go Tyra!

Awwww, Matt being like “let’s dance” and pulling Julie up. So cute. Yes, Tim asking Tyra to dance. 

“I got plans.” “I don’t.” OMG is Tim saying he’ll just follow Tyra? Damn.

Why tf is Buddy calling Eric first thing in the morning to tell him about Buddy Jr.’s cast and “staying here el permanente” and GETTING HIM TO SIGN A CONTRACT BEFORE THE GAME? Y’all are shady as fuck!

I love that seeing the Braemore papers made him stop, tell Buddy off, and not make a decision in that moment. What’s gonna happen???

“I won’t be a part of your Superteam after all.” Hopefully Eric won’t be either! Aw Jess thanking him “for the greatest experience of his life.” “I think it’s been mine too.” AW.

Eric’s gonna give a coach in Dallas a good word for Jess? So beautiful. Yesss!

AW Julie and Matt decorating the Saracen Christmas tree, and Grandma trying to get Julie to wear her old wedding dress!

Emotional at this hug between Julie and Mrs. Saracen. “I love you.” “I love you too.”

Awww Vince finally being glad that Jess is part of the team...at the moment when it’s about to end.

Yess Tyra and Tim picnicking on the land? 

And YES to Tyra going into politics, I could see it! “Along the lines of Mrs. T. Except bigger.” YES GURL.

“I’ve been in love with you since I was five years old.” AWWW that is so precious. 

“I’m gonna build a house exactly where we’re sitting. I’m gonna get a job. And I’m never gonna do anything illegal for the rest of my life.” Oh, Tim. my heart!!!

“Maybe one day, our dreams can merge together.” THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. What more does one really want? Oh, these beautiful life-filled shots of them drinking beer on the land where Tim wants to build a house. Art!

Oh shit, Eric’s racing to get to Santa in time to be there with Tami and Gracie?! “You scared me half to death. What’s going on?” 

“I turned the contract down. It’s your turn. I want to go to Philadelphia. Will you take me to Philadelphia with you, please?” YESSSSSSSSSSSSS what they deserve! What Tami deserves!!!! My heart!!!!

Ugh, the imagery as they get to State is amazing. The boys taking in the field, the players suited up praying and getting in the zone beforehand. The screaming in the stands waiting for them.

“You may never know how proud I am of you.” “You changed my life, coach.” AW.

Eric’s pre-game prayer overlaying the image of the Lions bursting out onto the field! Yes yes yes!

The way they slowed everything down with just music, and focused in on the faces of so many characters - Vince’s dad showing up, Eric and Tami saluting one another from stand to sideline, Becky cheering in the stands excitedly for Luke, Matt and Julie holding each other, Buddy on the sidelines screaming, Vince’s mom jumping up and down - just absolute perfection. 

And we’re back in, with actual in-scene sound at 26-21 with 3 seconds left on the clock??? Jesus!

AH and every single character watching the football fly in the air, WOW the DRAMA.

Holy shit, they fast-forwarded to one of Eric’s players in Philly catching a football eight months later in Philly??? THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD. WOW.

Tami looks like such a badass strutting around campus!

YES Tinker is on the Panthers! Take that, bullying reporter! 

Aw, the East Dillon Lions sign coming down. :( feels.

Nooo Luke don’t go to the military! Noooo I hate that. Poor Becky. They’re the exact type of couple who gets caught up in that really sad cycle - too poor to really have many other options, so the whole “free college when i get out!” thing starts to look really attractive. smh.

But i love how they used the championship ring he gave Becky as a way to signal that the East Dillon Lions did, indeed, win the state championship eight months earlier...and that Jess is wearing the ring on the sidelines of a new field where she’s working with the coaches! amazing!

Yay Matt and Julie live in Matt’s beautiful Chicago apartment? Perfection. They really look so good in that city together. 

New beginnings in a new city together for both Tami and Eric AND Matt and Julie? I’m living! It’s what they deserve!

Tim and Billy building Tim’s house and drinking beers! “Texas forever.” “Texas forever.” MY HEART.

“Clear eyes, full hearts.” SILENCE. “Ah, we’ll deal with that later.” LOL

Yesss Tami coming out to meet Eric on the field!!!

“Ready to go home?” “Yeah, let’s go.”

And the lights go off on the field. End show. AMAZING. Truly, an epic series finale! An epic show! I will definitely rewatch and i am so glad i finally did! Thanks to anyone who gave a shit about my ramblings.

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[serendipityseulgi]

tell me you love me.

— jung jaehyun

･*:༅｡ the one where you can’t remember the last time jaehyun said i love you.

aka, your breaking point.

{friday, 3:09 am} you hate yourself for the way your mind works. it feels like it’s always pitting against you, constantly feeding you thoughts that drive you to insanity. it overwhelms you and fills you with anxiety, and creates made up scenarios in your head that only ever lead you to believe nothing in your life will ever work out.

and in the late hours of the night, when you’re waiting for your boyfriend to come home, your mind wanders.

and it’s never good.

[you] message sent 12:47 am: hey, just wondering what time you were heading home? it’s getting late and i cant sleep when ur not here

no reply.

[you] message sent 1:39 am: sorry to bother u again, i’m just getting kinda worried u usually respond by now

nothing.

[you] message sent 2:56 am: ur probably annoyed at me for texting, i’m sorry. ur probably busy rn so i won’t bother u, just lmk when ur making ur way home. love you.

you stared at the messages on your phone, sighing heavily as you felt the anxious feelings building up.

despite that, it wasn’t like this hadn’t been a common occurrence for the past two weeks. it was subtle, but you noticed. when all you ever had were anxious thoughts, you couldn’t help but notice every small and unusual thing that occurred.

the dates turned absent, the nights you slept alone were all too common,the lingering touches rarely ever happened, and the i love you’s became nearly nonexistent.

it was a slow, but sure thing. and you never failed to notice the potential downfall of your relationship.

it’s now 3:00 in the morning, and jaehyun walks into your shared bedroom, barely sparing you a glance as he walks into your closet. your heart thumps wildly against your chest, and despite how tired he may be at the moment, you figure now or never is the time to bring it up.

you watch as he settles himself beside you, leaving a decent gap between the both of you. you hesitate to speak, not knowing what exactly you wanted to say to him.

there were a million ways you could’ve brought it up, and of course you chose the dumbest way to do so.

“you know you can just break up with me.” you stated suddenly as you felt him shift beside you.

“what?” was all jaehyun could answer.

“i’m not stupid jaehyun.” you sigh, voice quiet and hurt. “you never come home anymore and you never want to see me.”

he scoffs at your statement. “and this means i want to break up with you?”

“i think you and i have been in enough relationships to know this whole distant thing is a bad sign. if you’re not happy or you’re having doubts about this then just tell me.”

it’s his turn to sigh as he stays silent for a few moments. “why do you always assume the worst things? you being so anxious all the time feels like such a burden sometimes, and this is why i can barely talk to you.”

your throat burns and your heart hurts.

“i just feel like if you didn’t give me a reason to think this way maybe i wouldn’t be worrying all the time.” you state.

“what? so it’s my fault now?” he sounds irritated.

“no, jaehyun,” you say. “i’m not blaming you. i’m just saying it’s a two-person effort. if you’re having problems the least you can do is bring it up to me. how am i supposed to fix things when you don’t talk to me anymore?”

“maybe i don’t want to fix things anymore!” he snaps suddenly.

while you knew the prospect of him wanting to breakup was a high possibility, you didn’t expect this one comment to hurt you so badly. you could say you saw it coming, but it didn’t hurt your feelings any less.

“what happened?” you ask him, teary eyes looking into his glassy ones. “do you not love me anymore?”

his lips are pursed, and he refuses to answer you. “i don’t know.”

your heart is torn apart and you ignore the burning sensation in your entire body. the tears are free, and you turn away quickly.

you decide you don’t want to sleep next to him tonight.

you get up with a heavy feeling weighing down on you, your mind fuzzy, and your heart in a million pieces. you make your way to the door, opening it as you prepare to leave. before you do so, you turn around to face jaehyun.

“i’m sorry you feel that way. i’ll sleep in the guest bedroom tonight. and then we can talk about what i’ll do with my stuff tomorrow.” you say. “that is, if you even wanna talk about it. otherwise i can just get them packed and be out of your way within the next few days. goodnight jaehyun.”

part two.

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face.