#and it just ended up being played on loop while i wrote the first chapter of the fic LOL

[vwritesaus]

literally no one asked but here's my spotify wrap 2022 bc why not ✨ can't say i'm surprised by any of it but.....

*looks at the defenders theme being played 620 times*

i can explain—

[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives // part eleven // jake 'hangman seresin x reader

boy oh boy -- I've been working on this part since I posted the last one (and mind you... this version of it I wrote and completed within the last three hours - there's about 10,000 additional words with different versions of this) - I just could not figure out how to continue it and I don't know if I'm happy with it fully but here it is !! this one is more focused on Rooster and Jupiter and their friendship because I haven't gone as in depth with it as I would have liked in past chapters. as always - please let me know what you think !!

new perspectives // part eleven // jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine - ten

add yourself to my taglist

word count: 4.1k

warnings: mentions of war (but nothing too detailed), mentions of gunshot wounds (again, nothing too detailed), slight suggestiveness at the end

The stars above Rooster, twinkling and shining, served as some kind of mockery as he sat on the beach and looked for constellations, though he wasn’t finding any because he wasn’t trying very hard. He wished he could be in his jet right now, wished he could feel the controls in his hands and see the earth below him because maybe then this wouldn’t be so scary, maybe he wouldn’t feel so helpless. 

There was just enough alcohol coursing through his veins for the weight of his emotions to get on top of him, but not enough to forget what he’d heard entirely. He knew what his job was right now. Your last request of him, bestowed not too far from where he was sitting with that sweet smile of yours and eyes full of stars, had been replaying on a loop for the past few hours. Take care of them for me, take care of him. You knew they were equipped to handle this, their lives weren’t all that different from the one you were currently living but there was one key difference that was not lost on anybody… while they were too high above the chaos to truly see, you were down in the middle of it all. While they may have been equipped to handle a friend's deployment, they weren’t all that prepared to think of you as the boots on the ground.

Take care of them for me, take care of him. You knew eventually things would catch up, that the reality of your absence would set in and that when it did they’d need you… and the next best thing was Rooster. You were always thinking eight steps ahead, it’s what made you a good friend and a good doctor, but right about now Rooster found it infuriating. You saw those eight steps ahead, you saw this getting on top of everyone at one point or another, and you made it Rooster’s problem. You knew Jake wouldn’t be able to offer much through his own worry and you wouldn’t have expected him to, but you expected it of Rooster.  

He found himself wishing you’d never connected, never bonded. He wished he hadn’t played Drops of Jupiter that very first night, hadn’t harmonized with you and pulled you out of your shell simply because he couldn’t help himself. He wished he hadn’t offered to tour houses on your behalf, hadn’t spent countless hours working alongside you to bring your vision to life. He wished you’d never looked his way because you saw him in a way that was terrifying, you understood him and you pushed him. You pushed him further in his rekindling with Maverick, and you pushed him right into Eliza’s arms because you knew what he needed and what he wanted.

He wished he’d never realized his infatuation with you wasn’t romantic, because maybe if he’d chalked it up to being an asshole with secret feelings for someone who belonged to the man who saved his life he wouldn’t be sitting here right now with worry eating a hole through his stomach. Maybe he would have distanced himself from you, kept things cordial and casual to protect his own heart, but he did realize. He did see that it wasn’t romantic and it never was, he was simply misreading his own emotions because he’d never had a friend like you before. He’d never admit it in the light of day because he found such terms ridiculous but you were his platonic soulmate, through and through. And right about now he wished he’d never figured that out.

He wished none of it had ever happened, because here he was sitting on the beach feeling so utterly helpless because you’d bestowed an impossible task on him and he couldn’t even be mad at you because he’d heard it. One minute he was telling you he loved you, on his way back into the bar to give you space with the man you really needed, the next you were under fire… and you seemed calm. In the face of it all, your tone hadn’t changed, your disposition hadn’t changed. You’d told Jake you loved him without an ounce of fear or apprehension in your tone and hung up, because this was a common occurrence for you now. In the face of it all, you were fine, and here he was sitting on the beach struggling to keep it together.

Except, he didn't wish any of those things at all because you were you, and he couldn't imagine not having you in his life. And so he was trying, because that’s what you’d asked of him. If you could do the impossible, if you could save lives with those two little hands of yours under gunfire or worse, he  could keep it together. He could do what you asked of him. He’d remain calm and collected, his usual goofy self to keep the anxiety at bay the best he could, because that’s what you needed. You’d asked for them, but really you’d asked for yourself. You needed to know Rooster was looking out for them so you didn’t have to worry, because you had enough to worry about. 

And that’s exactly what he did… he went back into the bar and got Jake a fresh drink, set him up in front of the dartboard with Coyote. He’d filled everyone in on what happened. She’ll be fine, this is her life now and she’s Jupiter. She’ll be fine and so will we because she doesn’t want us spinning out, she wants us here having fun with each other so that’s what we’re going to do.

And then he’d lingered, made sure everyone made it home safely and wandered out onto the beach to look at the stars and feel everything he knew you didn’t want him to. “There’s only so much you can ask of me, JJ,” he whispered to himself as he took in the mass of twinkling lights above him because he was choosing to believe you were under this sky too, and though you couldn’t hear him, maybe you could feel it. You could feel that he was keeping up his end of the promise, and that you needed to keep up yours. 

“I know I haven’t talked to you in a while dad, but… well, if you’ve been paying attention I don’t need to fill you in,” he started, openly talking into the night air because this was what he did. When it all got to be too much, when things started to get on top of him he looked to the sky and talked to Goose. “I don’t know if you’ve got any connections up there, I hope you didn’t use them all up sending Hangman after me and Mav but… she needs to come home. Please don’t let what happened to mom happen to Jake,” he said, choking on his words before clearing his throat. “Please don’t let what happened to Maverick happen to me. She’s my best friend, and I… I can’t lose her. Jake can’t lose her. None of us can.”

He was pleading because he knew he was right, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to uphold his promise to you if you didn’t come home. He wouldn’t be able to take care of Jake, or Coyote, or Phoenix… he wouldn’t be able to take care of himself. You swooped in as this mysterious old friend of Hangman’s and won everyone over in the course of an evening, and you only grew more important with each passing day. They’d all been friends before you, but in the wake of you they became a family. You were the glue, you were the last to join the group but you became the nexus, and if they lost you he didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t want to find out.

So he let himself cry, let a few tears slip before saying goodbye to his old man and packing it down. He couldn’t let himself spiral any more than he already had, and he couldn’t have you coming home to realize he hadn’t kept his promise when you’d kept yours. He spent the next day and a half being Rooster, he was goofy and borderline annoying but he kept everyone together, he made sure everyone kept their spirits high and their worry to a minimum, and he made sure Jake got out of bed. He did what he could, and in the end it was everything because there the squad was with beers in their hands and smiles on their faces as they watched Jake kick Coyote’s ass, because even though he was falling apart and he didn’t know if you were even alive, he’d never give anyone the satisfaction of ousting him at his own pool table.

“Any word?” Bob asked quietly to Phoenix who shook her head and when he let out a relieved sigh the few people in hearing distance snapped their attention to him, varying degrees of disbelief and disgust on their faces. “If she were dead we’d know by now.” he supplied, and while his lack of tact was surprising, Bob was always mindful of what he said and how he said it, this served to ease people’s nerves. He was right. If you were dead, Jake would have been notified by now and none of them would be standing around the bar.

“We’ll know when we know,” Rooster said before walking down to the bar to get a fresh drink but something stopped him in his tracks, a brief flash in the distance beyond the windows that had him questioning his grip on reality because it was gone just as quick as he’d seen it… but he could have sworn he saw you. He tried to push past it, blame it on fried nerves and too much on his plate but he couldn’t. He had to be certain so he pushed past those doors and tentatively stepped out onto the beach, “way to go, Rooster. You’ve officially lost it,” he muttered to himself as he peeked around the side of the building but he hadn’t lost it. He saw what he saw, and he stood there gobsmacked as he got full sight of you, your body facing outwards towards the ocean with your hair messily strewn across your shoulders and donning a standard issue uniform… minus the top which left you in a tight tank with a concerning amount of gauze wrapped around your arm.

“JJ?” he asked, approaching slowly and you startled, jumping as you turned to face him and he could see it clear as day. You were scared, and while the appropriate assumption would have been everything you’d gone through, maybe the story linked to those bandages, he knew you well enough to know that wasn’t it. There was something else keeping you outside the bar instead of reuniting with your family.

“Roo,” you started, but you didn’t have anything else to say so it fell flat. There were tears in your eyes and you looked relieved but that fear was just under the surface and his steps were fast to close the distance, wrapping you up in his arms as carefully as he could and he was almost taken aback by the way you gripped onto him, latching on with seemingly no intention of letting go.

“How long have you been out here?” he whispered into your hair and he felt you shudder beneath him.

“A while,” you answered, and he realized that shudder was a humorless laugh. “I didn’t… I don’t know why, I just couldn’t-” you tried but your voice was thick and you didn’t need to say anything more. He understood. He knew coming home would be difficult for you, especially under these circumstances, and he didn’t need you to explain that you weren’t out here because you wanted to be, but because you felt like you couldn’t go inside.

“I know. You’re home and that’s what matters,” he pulled back to look at you but he didn’t go far, keeping his grip firm on you because he had a feeling it was what you needed. Much like the way you’d loop your hand through his when you were telling a story, so animated and excited you could barely get the words out fast enough, because you needed the physical tether. You needed to feel grounded so you didn’t get swept away by whatever it was you were saying or thinking. 

“I uh…” you shook your head and cleared your throat. “I got evacuated, by the time this healed and I was cleared I’d be going home anyways,” you said, nodding to your shoulder. “I didn’t call and I-”

“Stop, you had bigger things going on,” Rooster said, cutting you off entirely. He had tears in his eyes looking down at you, your hands gripping his arms so tightly and your features so soft and vulnerable in stark contradiction to the khaki pants and clunky boots and suddenly he felt selfish. “Let me go get Jake,” he started, beginning to pull away from you but he stopped when your brows furrowed. “You don’t want me to?”

You shook your head, “no… no I do, I just… god, I keep doing everything wrong,” you sighed. “I signed up to go to war without so much as a heads up, I told you first, I… I couldn’t even call to tell him I was okay before just showing up and standing out here lost in my own thoughts for half an hour,” you let out another humorless chuckle. “I keep doing this wrong.”

“You’re doing the best you can. You know he doesn’t expect anything from you, right? He doesn’t have some grand idea about how this would go, he knows this isn’t going to be like your reunion at his tap out or at your match day,” he said and you smiled sadly.

“I forgot I told you those stories,” you said. 

“That’s not what he’s expecting, he’s… you know, he handled it better than I thought he would but he hasn’t been okay and that’s just because all he wants to know is that you are. He wants to know that you’re mostly in one piece, and he wants to hug you the way I am right now- well, okay… maybe not the way I am because it has been several months since you left and I would imagine-” he started to joke and you let out a laugh… a real one, and you went to push his shoulder, disentangling yourself from him but it only served to make you wince.

You shook your head when his eyes widened, “it’s okay, just sore. You’re right… will you- will you go get him? And be cryptic,” you said, referencing the way Jake had called Rooster out minutes before your call disconnected. “I don’t know if I’m ready for everyone yet.”

“On it,” he replied, already moving to head inside.

“Wait, Rooster?” you called and he stopped, turning to face you. You gave him one of those blinding smiles, one that felt like a glimpse of the you before you left, the one that didn’t wear standard issue khakis and clunky boots, the one that wasn’t harder and shaper, and the one that hadn’t confessed to him you didn’t know if you were okay. You gave him that smile that was so you as you ran and jumped into him, squeezing him so tightly it sucked all the air from his lungs and he laughed as he caught you, twirling you around. “Thank you.” 

“What for, JJ?” 

“For being my person.” 

“Thanks for coming home,” he replied and you gave him one more squeeze before dropping down to the ground and he gave you a nod before disappearing inside. You resumed your earlier pacing, already feeling lighter after seeing Rooster and for as selfish and awful as you felt for always getting this wrong with Jake, it took the edge off. It made seeing him feel less daunting, and while you’d spent the previous half hour working yourself into a tizzy about how he would react or what he would say you now felt silly. Rooster was right, all he wanted right now was you, just like you wanted him. He wouldn’t be mad at you for not calling, he wouldn’t be mad at you for having a reunion with Rooster first, he would simply be your Jake. 

“What the hell is so urgent with your precious truck? I don’t even want to be here but you made me and now you’re ruining my streak,” you heard Jake complaining as the door to the bar opened and you couldn’t help but chuckle as you waited for them to round the corner.

“Okay, first of all, it’s not a truck, it’s a Bronco,” Rooster corrected, “and once again you might not want to be so hard on me when you see what it is,” he added and you couldn’t fight the smile on your face. You weren’t okay and you knew that, but you would be because you had them. You had your people and you were home, and that’s all that mattered.

“What does that- what the fuck?” You’d walked closer, not wanting the distance to be any further than it already was when he rounded the corner and he nearly walked right into you. “Jupiter?” he asked, blinking in surprise and simply staring at you because he couldn’t be certain what he was seeing was real. 

“Hey you,” you replied, ignoring the single tear that streamed down your cheek and you let out a laugh as he crushed you in a hug, lifting you off the ground and forcing your legs around him to keep your balance. 

Rooster stood and watched for a moment, soaking in this moment of unbridled joy between his two best friends before taking his leave. “So much for it not being like the tap out,” he said and you mouthed thank you to him over Jake’s shoulder as he went back inside. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked, one hand firm on your waist and the other cupping your thigh as you pulled back slightly to look down at him, to commit that beautiful face of his gazing up at you with pure adoration to memory.

“It’s a long story and I… I’m not ready to talk about it yet,” you answered and he nodded, slowly lowering you to the ground to cup your face and press a kiss to your forehead.

“You don’t have to, not until you’re ready, I just…” he pulled back to look at you again and the emotion in his eyes cracked your heart wide open, and with it the flood of anxiety and uncertainty you’d pushed aside. “I was so worried something had happened.”

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” you started, that single tear giving way to an onslaught and his face crumpled at the sight. “I should have called, I should have-”

“Hey, no no no… that’s not what I meant,” he said, trying to reassure you as he smoothed his hands along your back. “I’m just so happy you’re home,” he said, trying to quell your tears but it was no use. He finally got a chance to really look at you, to soak you in and his heart broke when he noticed the bandages around your arm and you started to shake your head.

“Come on, come sit with me?” you asked and he nodded, catching one of your hands as you walked further out onto the beach and sank into the sand and he looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to find the words. You didn’t know if you were ready to talk about it yet but you needed to, and you knew he wouldn’t be able to let it go no matter how hard he tried to be supportive. “What you heard… we got ambushed, I’m still not entirely sure what happened but uh… it wiped most of the camp out,” you said, voice shaking and Jake tried to keep his feelings off his face as you spoke. “My call to Rooster saved my life, anyone that was near the command center-” you cut yourself off with a shake of your head and he squeezed your hand in reassurance. “I did what I could, I tried to get to as many people as I could but there wasn’t enough time, or enough hands and I got caught in the crossfire,” you said, gesturing to your arm. “It was a lucky shot, if you could even call it that. I’ll be okay, just not cleared to work yet which is why I’m home. It’ll be another few weeks before I am and at that point my deployment would have been over.”

“J, I’m so sorry…” he started, his hand gently cupping your arm just beneath the bandages. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” he said, pulling you into him and you moved into his lap to wrap your arms around him more easily, not paying any mind to the way you felt your stitches tugging.

“I’ll be okay. I can’t… I don’t think I can tell you any more, not right now.” You pulled away to look at him seriously, “it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… things are different over there, I was different over there. I did things and I saw things I can’t begin to unpack right now but I want you to know that I plan to set something up at the hospital, a specialist to talk to so I can sort it out. I just… right now I really need everything to just go back to normal.”

“There’s no rush, sweetheart. You’ll tell me when you’re ready and if you never do, well… that’s alright too, as long as you talk to someone. All I cared about was you getting back home to me, even if Rooster had to get the first look at you,” he teased and you pouted.

“In my defense he wandered out and found me, that wasn’t intentional,” you protested.

“Yeah sure, whatever… the pornstache is your person and I just have to deal with that.”

“He might be my person but you’re the love of my life, you know that right? You are who got me through everything over there, and you are who I thought about day in and day out.”

“Oh yeah? And what exactly is it you thought about?” he asked, that famous smirk of his playing on his lips and you rolled your eyes.

“The audacity to call Rooster pornstache when you are trying to put the moves on your wife who just got back from war!” you laughed and he shifted you in his lap, pulling your leg to the side so you were straddling him and the contact on your core elicited a reaction that completely undercut the way you were trying to tease him.

“You did say you wanted everything to go back to normal,” he muttered, letting his lips trail along the column of your neck and he was right… you did want everything to go back to normal and this was something you’d thought about every moment you could while you were gone. 

“This is utterly indecent,” you sighed, feeling him growing hard beneath you and you pushed him back because if he kept going you’d scandalize the beach. “And mind you we are both in our uniforms right now,” you added.

“Yeah, by the way? This is super hot,” he said, letting his eyes trail over you appreciatively. “You’ve got a real Lara Croft thing going on right now and I’m into it.”

“Lara Croft!” you laughed, “she never even wore pants.”

“Please let me objectify my super hot, super tough wife in peace, thank you,” he said, and as you stared down at him you realized you hadn’t kissed him yet and you couldn’t believe you’d overlooked it. You pressed your lips to his softly, all pent up love and emotion but quickly it turned hungry… all tongues and biting lips as you gripped his biceps. 

“Take me home then, objectify me all you want, Lieutenant,” you said, pulling away to catch your breath and his eyes darkened as he was quick to stand pulling you up with him and you couldn’t help the squeals and laughter falling from your lips as he hurled you over his shoulder. You felt everything in your life right now was unsteady, you had no idea to come back to civility after what you’d been through but you had the tools to do it the best you could, and more importantly you had Jake who was everything you needed him to be and more. 

There wasn’t any sort of guidebook you could follow, and you didn’t know if this was how your return should have gone. You thought maybe you should be more damaged, you shouldn’t be laughing as your husband ran across the beach with you in tow, or maybe that’s exactly what you should have been doing. You didn’t really know, and you didn’t really care because you were home, and whatever came next you’d handle as it came with Jake by your side.

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[aespicysstuff]

Find Us

Hwang Yeji x Fem!Reader

Description: "Hwang Yeji, a old worker for the late company Playtime Co., see herself going back to that hell after almost 10 years later, all this because she received a letter asking for help, asking to be saved."

Saju: Reminding y'all that it's inspired by the first chapter of the game Poppy Playtime, it does have some spoilers of the game, sorry for any typos! I'm sleepy so i won't revise it.

Words: 1.1K

I had received a letter calling me back there again...to that damn factory. I didn't know what was happening, but even though the message had been brief, the desperation of whoever this person was visible.

So, I packed a backpack, put in a flashlight, some cloths and medications, a machete, walkie talkie, and other things. I saw a paper on the table and grabbed a pen and wrote:

"Hyunjin, if I don't return in 3 days, call the police and tell them the last place I was or maybe still am is the factory... Playtime Co.

Take care, brother, love you.

- Hwang Yeji"

I took a deep breath and left the house, getting into my truck, inputting the location into my GPS, and following the indicated path. Only one thing was on my mind: Why was I going back there?

Some time later...

"Well...here I am again," Yeji said, feeling her whole body shiver as she remembered some things that had happened in that factory. She didn't know why, but since the day of her 'termination,' she couldn't remember anything; there were very few things she recalled.

One of them was running from something, as if trying to escape from it. There were heavy footsteps; she remembered the noise they made while chasing her. Another thing she remembered was seeing a silhouette dragging her out of the factory and that same silhouette being pulled back in by a long arm.

After that, she woke up in the hospital with her brother by her side. Yeji opened her eyes, which she didn't even realize she had closed, and felt her heart freeze at the sight of something in the factory window...it looked like a silhouette, but it vanished in the blink of an eye.

"This cold must be driving me crazy, let's see what awaits me here." She grabbed her backpack, took the flashlight off the hook, and walked into the building. As she entered, she could see how abandoned the place was, but why? She wondered, walking towards the reception, she saw a green tape and didn't hesitate to grab it and play it.

"Hello! My name is Leith Pierre, and I'm the head of innovation here at Playtime Co. Toy Factory.

If you're seeing this, then you're trespassing! Yes, we loop this tape when we're closing the factory at the end of the day.

So...intruder, just to warn you, while we take pride mainly in our high-quality toys and excellent care for children, we also take pride in our security.

For example, this facility is filled with hidden motion triggers, which, when activated, will set off the factory's emergency alarms and directly contact the authorities, and that's one of the more moderate aspects of our security system, no spoilers!

So, you've received my warning: it's not too late to turn back. I just hope you're sure that whatever you're doing is worth it."

"Damn, this factory was something sinister...still is..." She said, looking around at the bloodstains in the environment and the scattered toys. Yeji jumped over the security turnstile at the entrance and walked down a corridor; she felt watched, as if something were waiting for a small mistake from her to attack. She decided to ignore this feeling and headed towards finding the person or whatever sent the letter.

Some time had passed; it was hard to tell while inside that place. She didn't know much about these parts since when she worked here, she stayed a few floors below...she never went through these rooms...not that she remembers. At the moment, Yeji had just opened one of the locked doors with her grabpack.

"What the hell is this?" Yeji exclaimed upon seeing the giant version of the Huggy Wuggy doll in all its glory in front of her. A shiver ran down her spine; its plastic eyes seemed to be watching her every move, it was something strange...dark even. Yeji shook her head, trying to forget this sensation, and walked towards the door with the blue hand panel of her grabpack, but when she touched it, a short circuit occurred.

"Damn it!" She grumbled after seeing that the door to the generator room was locked. Turning again to the doll, she looked up and saw a key in its huge hand, "How did that get there..." Her heart sank, and that feeling of being watched returned. She swallowed hard and used her grabpack to retrieve the key, not wasting much time, she unlocked the door and entered as quickly as possible.

Yeji saw that one of the generators was unplugged and had some loose cables, which must have caused this small power outage. "Yeji...Yeji..." The woman moved away from the generator, "Is someone there?!?" The redhead asked, pointing her flashlight to all corners of the room, and she saw something that made her heart skip a beat.

Bright eyes were seen in the shadows, the only thing visible was its silhouette and an almost plastic-like arm, and poof! It vanished like dust. Yeji, still somewhat disturbed by what had happened, quickly fixed the malfunctioning generator and left the room...but things only got worse...Huggy Wuggy was nowhere to be seen.

"What's going on? What happened in this factory..." Yeji questioned herself while still looking at the spot that had been occupied by the giant doll minutes ago, she felt that something was not right and that she would discover something that wouldn't please her.

Yeji doesn't know how this happened, one moment she was producing a toy to open the door since apparently, this is one of the security measures or whatever, and now she was running between the installation ducts of Playtime Co. trying to escape Huggy Wuggy's clutches. Her breathing was erratic, her chest begged for rest, but she couldn't, not now.

It was possible to hear his heavy footsteps in the ducts, his little grunts, and his breath; Yeji heard everything, turning left at one of these ducts, it was possible to see a descent, like a slide, this was used to send toy shipments, broken or not. She didn't stop and quickly slid down, falling to the ground, and before the doll could grab her, the door automatically closed, which made the woman breathe deeply and relieved.

However, this relief didn't last long; the doll was pushing the door with its strength, and it was possible to see it moving little by little. Yeji got up and began to look around for something to defend herself, and when she looked up, she saw a huge box, she had an idea and hoped it would work because if not, she would be a dead woman.

She reached out her grabpack hand and started pressing the button to pull the box down, but to her despair, it was too heavy, making the action somewhat difficult, "For God's sake, box, just fall already." She said through gritted teeth while watching the door slowly opening, but when the box started to tip over to fall, the door had been forced open, and there he was.

Seeing his prey, he wasted no time and went to attack her, but he was surprised when the box fell on top of him, causing havoc by breaking the platform where he was and taking him to the bottom of that hole...

"My God..." Yeji said after tasting death by her side; she looked to where the boneco had fallen, "Could he have survived that fall?" She wondered, still looking at the spot, but soon snapped out of it when she heard a loud static sound and some random words.

"We" "Pain"

"Blood" "Children"

"Get out" "1006" "Joy"

Screams and cries of people and children could be heard. And they were increasing in volume, which made Yeji crouch on the platform, trying to cover her ears.

"The Time Of...."

Everything fell silent...Yeji felt like she was about to lose it at any moment, there was too much happening at once, so many questions raced through her mind, but the main one was: What is this place? – This place wasn't a normal toy factory, and she was seeing that, what did they do here? What did they create?

A key fell right in front of Yeji, who sighed and picked it up, she turned around and walked along the platform, seeing a door in the hallway, and she saw the flower from the drawing on the letter...could the person who sent her the letter be there?

Without wasting time, she gathered the little energy she had left and ran towards the door, arriving there, she saw things like - "Save me," "Help," "Don't come in here," "Get out of here" – written on the walls...she put the key in the lock and opened the door, finding the view of a room totally different from the entire factory.

She looked back one last time and entered that room without knowing what awaited her. Going down the stairs, she looked at every detail; it seemed like a replica of a house... "Strange..." She murmured as she looked around every corner of that place, she soon came across an open door, and it was possible to see a red light coming from that place, even hesitating Yeji entered there.

"Poppy?..." She exclaimed upon seeing the doll in the box.

She approached, and this time without fear or hesitation, she opened the box, but regret hit her when she saw the lights flashing and the doll opening its eyes, which made Yeji take a small step back, feeling her body collide with something, it wasn't the wall, it was...a body.

She turned quickly, but didn't have much time to see the person because a red gas appeared, and Yeji suddenly felt tired, before closing her eyes, she could see the "person" removing their mask, and there they were...the bright eyes.

[sophsiaaa]

closet

ONESHOT

pairing: tomura shigaraki x fem reader

summary: “Just one party,” they said, “It’ll be fun.” Fun was what now had you standing in the dark, barely three feet of room between you and Tenko Shimura, the guy you hated most.

or Tenko and reader get roped into playing seven minutes in heaven and have hate sex.

notes: College AU. Just an old ao3 oneshot I wrote that I'm crossposting here.

chapter contains: explicit smut

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 

You weren’t one for playing these types of games – locked in a closet with a boy you didn’t know or didn’t like, forced to awkwardly swap spit while the real party carried on beyond the closed-door. Seven Minutes in Heaven was an overrated game anyway. Stupid. Childish. Nobody actually played it. 

Or so you thought.  

The party was pretty big. Happened at the end of every semester. Some off-campus thing at one student or another’s house. Most students at the college knew about it since a few members of the recreation club went advertising at orientation, handing out flyers that listed parties and pub crawls throughout the semester, including this one.  

You’d never been before, despite being in your second year. Parties, especially ones that left STDs and ODs in their wake, typically weren’t your thing. Sure, you liked to socialise and let loose every now and then, but the recreation club had a reputation, and you didn’t need to get mixed up in their shit when you had exams crammed down your throat. 

And yet, it was the end of semester, exams were done, and your friends had talked you into it for the night. The house was alive with people, drinkings sloshing over red cups and clinking in bottles, music punding through the walls, dark lights washing everything in red. It was nice. Or at least, it had started out that way.

“Just one party,” your friends said, “It’ll be fun.”  

Fun was what now had you standing in the dark, barely three feet of room between you and Tenko Shimura, the guy you hated most.  

—

Tenko had no idea why he’d agreed to come to this stupid party.  

Spinner, the idiot , had talked him into it. He’d claimed they needed to get out and meet more people.  

“No offence Tenko,” he said on game last night, “but I figured I’d have more than one friend by the time I was in second year.”  

Tenko scoffed. “As if I care. What, you think you’ll find friends at some idiot’s house party?"  

Silence stretched between them over the headset, punctuated only by shots from enemy players, before Spinner said, “Your girlfriend’s going.”  

It took him a minute to figure out who he was talking about before Tenko shouted down the mic, “She’s not my fucking girlfriend!”  

Spinner’s laughter followed by friendly fire was how Tenko remembered that conversation ending, but at some point, he guessed he’d agreed to go to the party. It had started with him in a foul mood, hands tucked into the pockets of his black jeans, hoodie up and antisocial despite the clearly loose mood. But slowly, the ordeal improved. Spinner found them some drinks and they mostly ended up talking to some other comp sci majors and a few engineering students about games. He oddly found that he didn’t hate making friends, especially when his blood was burning with the kick of alcohol.  

That was until he wound up in a big circle with a bunch of strangers. He could’ve just left. Got up and gone home. But the drinks made everything a bit blurred and just sitting down as the world spun around him felt too nice. Spinner was still with him, he was sure, saying something about girls, when Tenko noticed you sit down in the circle too.  

Your friend dragged you down beside her and kept your arm looped through hers. You looked a little too sober – no flush to your cheeks, no messy hair. He hated that about you. Hated your uptight posture, your perfect grades, and too-good-for-him attitude.  

He’d met you last year in a shared class – some core unit for all first years. You were paired together for an assignment and at first glance he knew he hated you. You, with your put together outfits and made-up face, always looking at him like his ragged clothes and ugly scars weren’t good enough. You, who constantly texted about the assignment, dragging him out of bed so you could complain about his ideas.  

And Tenko knew you hated him too. Hated the way he spoke to you like you were nothing but a nagging bitch, hated how he could keep up with you when it came to academics. He was sure you hated him for tanking the assignment on purpose, just because he wanted to piss you off. Ever since that first semester, you’d shot him every dirty look, whispered every obscenity when he passed you, even once cutting the line in front of him at the college café, turning back with a self-satisfied smile.  

He hated you. 

So, when your narrowed eyes met his across the circle, he sat up a little straighter and shot you the most arrogant, bitter smirk he could muster. This was gonna be good.  

“Okay!” A blonde girl at the center of the circle clapped her hands together and the talking died down. “The game is Seven Minutes in Heaven. I spin this bottle twice-” She held up an empty glass beer bottle, giving it a twirl as she placed it beneath her foot. “-and the two people it lands on go into that locked closet to do whatever they want.”  

The circle erupted into a chorus of noise. Some drunken cheers, other groans. A few people got up and left and a few came to sit down.  

“Kissing?” another girl asked.  

“Or whatever.” The blonde grinned wickedly.  

“Hurry up and start already,” said a guy with what looked to be burns and piercings.  

“Like he’s getting any,” Tenko whispered to Spinner.  

“Like we are,” Spinner said back. His cheeks were a little pink, and he looked like he’d just walked out of a washing machine, queasy and bracing the floor.  

Tenko barked a laugh. “Shit, you’re actually nervous about this dumb game?”  

“Aren’t you?”  

He shrugged. “Not like it matters.”  

The blonde girl bent over and spun the bottle. Round and round, it went. A dizzy glass pointer, ready to snatch good students and turn them into closet-fucked social pariahs.

It landed on you.  

Tenko’s face lit up with genuine happiness. His grin was sharp, malicious. Your face paled, leaving you with a sickly look that he was sure meant you were regretting being sober right about now. It was too good. He couldn’t fucking believe it. A girl like you getting fucked in a closet, brought low to the level of those she looked down on.

He was too engrossed in his sick glee to even notice when the bottle spun again and landed squarely on him. 

—

The circle erupted into a circus oooo’s and giggles all around as the guy you hated most was made the glass bottle’s second victim. Tenko didn’t even seem to realise until his friend – Spinner, you thought his name was – elbowed him in the ribs. His carmine eyes darted to the center, then, wide as bottomless pools, up to you. You swore his adams apple bobbed.  

Everything from there moved too quickly. Your friend had to literally drag you from your seat. You weren’t sure who, or even if Tenko was dragged. But seconds later you were locked in together.  

The closet was dark, night-black save the small yellow light seeping in through the bottom crack of the door. As your eyes adjusted, you realised it had been emptied of whatever it used to store and was now three-square feet of carpet and bare walls.  

You were pressed against the door. Tenko leaned on the wall across from you, almost stiff with his hands shoved into his pockets. He refused to meet your gaze. 

The still silence pulled taut between you, rife with months of hate and resentment.  

“Why are you here?” you eventually asked.  

Tenko stared at the floor, black hair falling into his face. “Why the hell do you care?”  

“Because I didn’t take you for the friendly type.”  

He raised a brow and took you in – short dress, pushed-up cleavage, exposed clavicle. “Ha, I didn’t take you for the slutty type.”  

Your eyes became daggers, onces you wished to poke him with, though you doubted he could see them in this dark. He was so frustrating. Such a fucking asshole. And for no reason. You’d never done anything to him. Were always nice during your assignment. He was just a sour, bitter man.  

“You’re such an asshole,” you breathed, turning around to jiggle the handle. “Fuck. Locked in.”  

“Yeah, they said that.” 

Deep breaths. You reeled around at him, stepping forward. “Then what do you suggest, hmm? That we just sit here?”  

“It’s only seven minutes.” Tenko shrugged and you noticed the way his black hoodie barely moved. You swore it used to be baggier. 

“Yeah, but-” 

“What? Can’t keep your hands off me for seven minutes?” His face slipped into a sly grin, the jagged scar stretching over his lips.  

You wanted to yank his lips off. You wanted to punch him.  

You gave him a coy smile instead, folding your hands behind your back and leaning against the door again. “More concerned about how painful your blue balls will be by the time the seven minutes are up.”  

“You wish." He sneered at you. That was the look you were used to. "As if I’d want to fuck you.”  

“Aw, you’re nervous.” 

“Fuck you!” 

“So, you do wanna fuck me then?” You sighed condescendingly, unable to stop the built-up anger from spewing out. “I always knew it. A pathetic loser like you, that’s probably why you failed our assignment. Too caught up in virgin-daydreams about a girl actually touching you.”  

Tenko’s jaw literally dropped. His fingers bunched into fists in his pockets, and he stared slack at you, pupils shrunk in the red of his iris. Finally, you’d made him speechless. And it felt fucking good. 

Though not for long. He stepped forward, hands withdrawn from his pockets. There was no where to go but further against the door as he came right up into your face. Those angry red eyes bore into yours, nose an inch away as he stood over you. This close, you could count the lines of scars around his eyes. Your heart was beating out of your chest. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he finally said and there was a chuckle in his rocksalt-rasp voice that made your stomach drop. “I do want to fuck you. And since you keep talking about it, I'll give it to you.”  

Tenko pressed his lips to yours in a mockery of a kiss.  

Your back went flush against the door as his face bullied you against it. His lips cut a rough kiss, sharp with chapping. A broad hand found your sternum, holding you in place and you gasped. That was enough for him to push his tongue in too. It sent an unwelcome thrill up your spine, the wetness, the cloying taste and smell of drinks that clung to the walls of his mouth. Your teeth clinked together as he worked a brutal rhythm, licking into your mouth like he truly never had kissed a girl before, almost trying to swallow you whole.  

You bit his tongue and a metallic taste quickly flooded everything. Tenko pulled back, dots of slick blood coating his lips. He looked like he might truly kill you. Then, he laughed.  

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” You wiped the back of your hand over your mouth, spitting the blood onto the carpet.  

“Me? You kept saying I wanted to fuck you.” He wiped his sleeve. “Just giving you want you want – to be right.”  

“You’re fucking disgusting.”  

“Yeah?” He tipped his head, gaze now alight with something you didn’t want to put a name to. “That why I felt you shiver? You fucking liked it.” 

You pressed your lips together in silent fury. Your head was pounding. Your body was pounding. He... he... 

“Oh my god, you fucking did.” He huffed out a laugh. “Who would have thought, this whole time-” 

You shut him up with a hard shove to the chest. Tenko grunted as his back it the wall. “Shut up! I didn’t like it. You’re a terrible kisser.”  

He rolled his eyes. “Like you could do better.”  

“You don’t think I could?” 

“I know you couldn’t.”  

For a moment the two of you glared into each other's souls, bodies pulsing with hot anger. Your fingers tightened in the fabric of his hoodie. You smiled softly up at him. “Really?” you whispered as you inched closer. You hovered your soft lips above his. “You sure about that?”  

“Yeah...” His breathing hitched.

You hummed low in your throat, and caught up in the moment, lost of all reason, pressed your lips to his. This time, the kiss was soft. His lashes fluttered shut, and you caught the low whine that escaped his throat when you worked his mouth open, tongue gently melding with his. Tenko’s hands tentatively found your hips, which surprised you. Everything about this surprised you, but the more you kissed him, the more you felt like you didn’t want to stop.  

He gripped your hips a little tighter, drawing your body taut against his. Against your thigh, you felt his arousal, and it shocked you enough into drawing back, ready with an sarcastic retort. But Tenko seemed done with fighting. He flipped you around, baring down on you as he buried his face in the juncture of your neck, sucking marks into your skin.  

You gasped and panted beneath him, Unsure of what to do. Unsure of what you wanted to do. And when he pressed a thigh between your legs, you stopped thinking. “Fuck .” 

Tenko smirked against your skin. “Oh, you like that?”  

He rolled his thigh again, and this time yours clenched around it on instinct.  

“Stop that...”  

“Why? You clearly like it.” 

He did it again and again, steadily building a jerky rhythm that brushed your clothed clit each time. You rode against his thigh unconsciously as he laid kisses against the column of your throat. His hands clumsily found your breasts, groping with the eagerness of a man who’d never been this close to a woman before. He panted against your skin. “Fuck, these feel nice. Let me see.”  

“What?” you managed to get out through your haze.

You looked down and wished you hadn’t. Tenko’s pupils were so wide that black engulfed all red. His cheeks were flushed in the dark, scars etched out in pale lines across his sharp-featured face. He looked sinfully good, and his filthy mouth made him even better.  

“Let me see your pretty tits,” he said, pulling at the hem of your dress.  

He got it down in one swipe, your breasts spilling out from the fabric. You wished you’d worn a bra.  

His eyes shot down, followed by his mouth. He pressed the flat of his bloody tongue against a nipple, licking up to your collarbone like a truly desperate un-fucked man. His head bobbed back down and he sucked a nipple into his mouth, fingers latching onto the other hastily. Your head fell back so hard it hit the wall and left your whole body throbbing.  

“Tenko, we shouldn’t...”  

He groaned then, actually groaned with your tit in his mouth and pulled off with a pop, wet saliva hardening the nipple in the cold air. “Say my name again,” he said, both hands kneading your breasts as he kissed you hard. “Tell me you feel good. Say it.” 

It hit you then, just how lust-clouded he was. How addicted he seemed to you not only liking this but liking that he was doing it. You hated him, and he hated you, and yet right now you wanted nothing more than to give him that satisfaction.  

“I do like it.” You turned your face away, shame mingling with want. “I like it when you touch me.” 

Tenko looked at you like you’d just given him the moon, pressing his face into your shoulder again as he caught his breath and kept on with your breasts. You canted your hips forward, seeking the friction of his hardness pressed against you and he gasped, grinding his cock against you in little ruts. 

You decided that hating him could wait till tomorrow.   

“Touch me, Tenko,” you whispered, taking his hand and guiding it between your legs.  

He let you eagerly, pushing his long, spidery fingers beneath the fabric of your underwear and into the slickness of your folds.  

“You’re wet,” he said, sliding his fingers through them, catching on your clit with every torturous stroke. “Fuck, you’re actually wet.”  

He lowered himself to his knees, but you caught his sleeve, pulling him back up.  

“No time. Let’s just...”  

He didn’t need to be told twice. He stood up and crowded you against the wall as he scrambled to unbutton his pants. You fingers met his and you helped each down his jeans, the waistband of his boxers, until his cock bobbed free. It was strained with need, long and weeping at the tip as you pumped it gently for him. His shoulders caved and he shuddered at your touch, blushing with each squeeze and stroke of your hand. 

"You're good at this," he said fucking into your hand and shutting his eyes, lost in the pleasure. "Feels so much better than-"

"Your own hand?" You ran your thumb over the slit and nipped his neck. 

"Shut up." 

"Make me."

"Oh, I fucking will." Tenko bared his teeth in a near-feral grin as he pushed your underwear aside. He slid his cock through the wetness of your cunt in a way that had you both sucking in breath. "Gonna break you." 

You hiked a leg up and around his hip drawing him close. “Then fucking do it."  

With that, Tenko pushed the head inside. He barreled over, the squeeze and tug you had on him left him looking dazed. He rested his forehead against yours, shaking as you clenched around his sensitive tip.  

“You’re so fucking tight... shit...” Through gasps he pushed all the way in. It stung, the stretch of him bullying his way inside, and you bit your lip to keep from moaning. When he bottomed out, he stilled, and you could feel his cock twitching inside you. “Fuck you feel so good,” he panted. “So warm. So perfect.”  

You tightened your leg around his hip, pressing your heel into the base of his spine. “Move.” 

He pulled back slowly, watching the way you gripped him as he slid out. Truly, you'd never seen a man more pussy-drunk than this. The thought that you'd done this to him, a man you hated so much, had lightning-pride shooting through you. Tenko slowly pushed back in, deeper than the first time. He fucked himself into you, each rut of his hips dragging his pubic bone against your clit. Your back dug into the wall he pinned you to, but you didn’t even care. He was panting into your mouth, eyes lidded with want. He was yours, in this closet, willing to do whatever you asked. 

“Have you ever... thought about doing this before?” you asked through his shallow thrusts. 

Tenko grunted, the sudden smack of his hips giving him away more than his fucked-out smile. “Have you?”  

You couldn’t help your own grin. “I asked first.” 

“Yes." His tongue met yours in a sloppy kiss as his thrusts grew erratic. He wouldn’t last long. He groaned into your mouth. “Wanted to bend you over a desk and... hah... fuck the attitude out of you ages ago.”  

You moaned, clenching tighter around him, and he pressed a hand across your mouth to keep you quiet. "Shh, don't want everyone knowing how bad you like this, do you?"

“Fuck you,” you spat, words muffled as he pressed his middle and index fingers into your mouth. You bit down on the fingers, tongue sucking around them as your teeth left indents in his pale skin.  

Tenko huffed a laugh and his hips stuttered. His hand snaked between you, rubbing messily at your clit. He wasn’t precise at all, but the friction was enough. Your tits bounced as he pressed deeper into you, your body growing taut as you approached the edge. "I'm so close. Wanna come inside. You want that?"

You tried to shake you head, but every time he fucked deeper into you, your eyes rolled back and you couldn't protest. This all felt too good. The forbiddeness of fucking someone you hate, the possibility of someone walking in, the soft pap of his balls slapping against your ass as his legs quivered beneath him. 

“You’re gonna come,” Tenko said. “Shit, I can feel it. Go on. Want to feel you come. Fucking do it.”  

And you did. He swallowed up your cry with a harsh kiss as your body throbbed with pleasure. The orgasm crashed into you like a fucking train, and Tenko wasn’t far behind.  

“Shit... Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Three deep thrusts and he was spilling himself into you with a whimper. His cum shot out in warm, thick ropes, coating your insides as his face fell into your shoulder. 

He rested on you, in you, like that for what felt like a while, his release seeping out between you in trails down your thighs. Eventually he pulled out, tucking his soft cock away. You pulled your dress back into place, underwear catching the arousal leaking between your legs. Tenko, to your surprise, turned back to you, wiping the insides of your thighs with the inside of his hoodie sleeve. It was oddly sweet, if a little gross.

But when he pulled away, awkwardness clung to the both of you like a rain-soaked blanket. You both stood in the darkness catching your breaths. You'd crossed a line tonight that could never be uncrossed. You both hated each other. You’d both fucked each other in a dark closet. What now- 

“Sorry guys!” The door swung open, and you froze up, turning to see the blonde from earlier in the doorway. “Should have let you out ten minutes ago, but the cops turned up, so party’s over.” 

Ten minutes? Had it really been that long? Shit.  

She left and you and Tenko were left alone. You awkwardly stepped out of the closet, blinking in the light. Your friends were gone, as were most people. It was probably best if you two just went your separate ways and pretended this never happened-

Tenko grabbed your hand and shoved the other in his pocket. “Let's go,” was all he said as he held your hand and led you from the house. "I'm taking you to my dorm tonight."

And though you could’ve argued, pushed him away, gone back to hating him and gone home, you let him. 

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Adult, Fantasy, Humor

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Content Warning: Violence, Death, Suicide, Sexual content, Torture, Murder, Sexual assault, Rape, Genocide           

Summary: From bestselling author Django Wexler comes a laugh-out-loud fantasy tale about a young woman who, tired of defending humanity from the Dark Lord, decides maybe the Dark Lord doesn’t have it all wrong after all, perfect for fans of Terry Pratchett and KJ Parker.

Davi has done this all before. She’s tried to be the hero and take down the all-powerful Dark Lord. A hundred times she’s rallied humanity and made the final charge. But the time loop always gets her in the end. Sometimes she’s killed quickly. Sometimes it takes a while. But she’s been defeated every time.

This time? She’s done being the hero and done being stuck in this endless time loop. If the Dark Lord always wins, then maybe that’s who she needs to be. It’s Davi’s turn to play on the winning side.

*Opinions*

I watch a lot of bookish content, which is why my TBR continues to grow and not shrink, but this is another read influenced by social media. It was a five-star read for the Booktalker (booksandlala) and the premise sounded interesting to me, so I requested it from the library. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was not what I got out of this novel. This was a satirical, fourth-wall-breaking romp through this fantasy world of Wexler’s creation. While I enjoyed my time in this world (though with a few critics) this novel will not be for everyone.

How to Become the Dark Lord or Die Trying follows Davi, a chosen one sent from Earth to a fantasy realm to save the Kingdom. The only problem? She keeps failing at this task and dying over and over and over again. The good news is that she always returns to where she started, a pool where she first emerged—the bad news, after a couple of thousand years that gets really old. Eventually, Davi decides that she wants to be on the winning team and tries not to save the kingdom, but become the Dark Lord that eventually destroys it. While there are a lot of false starts on this path as well, eventually Davi has a small horde of Wilders, and on her way to the meeting that will choose the next Dark Lord. However, without knowing how things work on this side of the world, Davi has to rely on her wits and a whole lot of luck to get the title she so dearly wants. Then again, if she dies, she can just try again, right?

The way that Wexler wrote this fantasy novel was reminiscent of a Mel Brooks movie, though I would not state that it is executed as well as one of those movies. Davi takes every well-worn fantasy trope and turns it on it’s head during her time attempting to become the Dark Lord, including murdering her quest giver multiple times. The issue I have is that near the end of the novel, is that Wexler attempts to go from a funny romp to serious questions about the world and Davi mentally manages the change in her understanding of how the world works. I understand that satirical novels need a plot, but the shift to serious lore and Davi losing her mind a little was a pretty serious shift, which is then forgotten after a couple of chapters.

The internal logic of this novel did not work at times well, which I didn’t get too hung up on given that this is a humorous novel, but I did catch it. The biggest one is that Davi does not remember anything about her life before coming to this fantasy world, she mentions this multiple times, yet she uses almost exclusively pop culture and known references from our world. You would think that after a couple of thousand years, she would forget movie lines along with what she used to do for a living. You would also think that she would catch on to the lore and myths of this world and use their slang. She is able to speak Wilder, but decides to confuse everyone around her constantly by continuing to talk in Earth references. I get that it is the humor of the novel, but it didn’t make sense within the logic of the world Wexler developed.

While I enjoyed my time with this novel, but most readers will know within the first twenty-five pages whether they like the narrative voice or if it is going to drive them insane. When describing the humor and overall narrative voice to a friend, I stated that it reminded me of Youtubers, especially in the gaming sphere, in the heyday of its popularity. Think like Smosh or early Markipler and Jacksepcticeye. If that is not the type of humor you enjoy, Davi is going to get on your nerves immediately. At times, I even found her a bit too much but I was enjoying the twist on a fantasy novel that I was able to push through those instances, which happened mostly at the beginning of the novel. Another writing aspect that did not really work for me was any time Davi was thinking about sex, which was a lot (see my comment about Youtuber humor). Now there were not the more egregious issues of a man writing a female main character, but there was something in the way that he wrote her horniess that made it clear the author was a man. I am not saying that women cannot be extremely horny, it is the way that it was written. I wish I had a better way to describe it. Again, I watched a lot of Youtube in my day so I was able to deal with it, but I can see it being an issue for other readers.

I personally did not like Davi a lot, but the surrounding characters were enough to push me through when she was extremely annoying. Still, even the primary romance didn’t hold my attention, mostly due to the issue I had with how Davi was written in terms of her thoughts on sex and her pursuing those needs. I did like her love interest, they were one of the few sincere characters in this novel.

I know this all makes it sound as if I didn’t enjoy the novel, but I had a good time while I was reading it. I just never found that I wanted to pick it back up. This is a story that I am interested in seeing where it is going, especially given the ending, but I will be picking it up from the library. This is a 3.5 read

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 3, Side A, Match 4

propaganda under the cut!

Junnana:

Oh they are so very silly and I adore them. They basically spent the anime being the most married couple there, the game amplifying that and the movie burning that all to the ground (or Nana did that) before vowing to start a new later. They're just a girl reaching for her dreams without a ton of natural talent and a girl who enjoys helping her friends shine instead of herself despite being super skilled but even though they have slightly different goals on the stage they both respect each other so very much to the point where things only go wrong in the movie because Nana lost a bit of the respect for Junna that was always so fundamental in their dynamic. The Overture manga gives a bit of insight into what their early interactions were like especially in their respective focus chapters (3 and 9), with 3 showing that Nana was planning on becoming their class president rather than Junna but stepped down just because she had so much trust in her abilities while still making it clear that Junna could rely on her while in 9 the mutual reliance came back in the form of Junna being the one to make Nana realize she wasn't alone. Carrying onwards to the anime, some time before the whole thing, Nana decided "hey time loops are pretty cool" because she was afraid of her and her friends growing up and separating. This was not a fact known by anybody but her and that one giraffe and did not affect the early plot, where for the most part Junna was more focused on due to her struggles being highlighted from the moment revues were introduced and Nana was just constantly around her. Then Junna ended up being the first person Nana actually told about them directly (and not in a very vague way in a revue because otherwise Hikari would be the first) because it was looking like said loops were about to end because the childhood friends to lovers dynamic as a whole decided to say nuh uh to her. Then she did in fact lose her next revue which made the idea of continuing her repetitions a little impossible but Junna ended up recovering from that whole shock pretty quickly, and went to comfort Nana and help her learn to start anew. 

Then there's the game which. yeah there's so much stuff in there that I can't even explain it all. In the main story we get the arc of Nana starting her overprotective bs once again, getting stopped and then being given more courage to move forward by Junna since she was realizing that she kind of messed up (since she decided to object to the concept of plays just having lead actors in general. as you do), but there's so much stuff outside of the main story. Highlights include: Junnana literally making up their own ship name, Nana deciding the best way to practice for a role centered around an observant character was to observe Junna specifically, Nana writing a self-indulgent Phantom of the Opera adaptation with herself as the Phantom and Junna as Christine in an event where it turned out she relates to the Phantom (red flag #1 as far as I'm concerned) and wrote Christine based on Junna (Junna was very okay with this but I find it hilarious that she made her adaption of a famous play basically self insert fanfiction), the actual Junnana kiss (stage kiss?? real kiss?? we'll never know), the Valentine's Day event where Junna kept saying things like "oh I'd go to any lengths for Nana" while talking about making chocolate of all things, the time Junna talked about how she wouldn't let anybody take her place of staying right by Nana's side if she had to because she loves being there completely out of the blue to Nana's ex of all people (not a canon ex but a lot of people who know about her whole deal with Nana at least agree that they had something going on. and let me tell you Junna telling the person who constantly regrets not having the strength to remain by Nana's side how much she loved being with Nana was not a smart choice, even though Hisame, the girl in question, took it very well), the Steins;Gate collab where a good chunk of the plot is just Junna being worried about Nana, a play where it turned out that the whole time Junna and Nana had both taken inspiration from each other for their roles, the time they had to actively stop themselves during separate interviews from just rambling about each other, etc. There's so much. Also I forgot to mention it during the main story part but there's also an alternate universe briefly discussed where one of their friends just does not exist so Nana is one of the two best actors in the class and gets the lead role in the play they perform every year, and there's a scene after their performance where Junna talks about how, in the play which is a tragedy involving two lesbians in love, Nana's performance made her think that, if she had stood as her co-star, she would have simply been built different and prevented the tragedy from happening. The plot ends with one character falling form a tower and another being imprisoned within it, and Junna is like "if I was this tragedy and I was with you I would have simply taken your character's hand and never let her go". They're just so married in the game and I can't believe them for it

And then there's the movie. We don't talk about the movie but I kind of have to. Okay so you remember those two friends I was talking about who act very married and ultimately have a lot of their relationship based around their mutual respect for each other? What if Nana stopped respecting Junna entirely one day? That's their movie arc. This movie covers the girls "dying" as stage girls (ie. losing what made them true stage girls/actors in the first place) and then being "reborn" as them, and unfortunately Nana is of the opinion that Junna could just simply have her symbolism death and not the other part. During their revue, Nana talks a lot about how beautiful and dazzling (using those exact words. she even called Junna heartbreakingly beautiful in the dub) Junna was when she was foolishly reaching for a role she wasn't likely to get, but put it all in past tense, and encouraged Junna to let herself die as a stage girl in a brilliant manor rather than trying and failing to grasp her brilliance and dying out like that. also she called her an ugly fruit which sure is something. Then Junna was like "???? no I won't do that actually???" and took one of Nana's swords from her to engage in a sword fight since Nana had destroyed her usual weapon. Which was not a great matchup briefly because Junna never used a sword in her life but after Nana realized that the Junna she was fighting was different from the Junna she knew, and didn't match the role she had assigned for her, Junna ended up telling Nana that her own role was something she'd define for herself and not something Nana could assign for her, and ended up winning against her. After the revue was over, Junna still wanted Nana in her life, and promised her that, one day, they'd reunite on a stage which belonged to both of them, even though they had to find their own stages before that could happen. Before they departed, Nana lamented that Junna was dazzling, contradicting her previous belief that she was only dazzling in the past, all while beginning to cry, and Junna nearly turned around to comfort her, but ultimately decided to continue onto her next stage as Nana carried onwards to her own, knowing that they would both need to grow before their reunion. I also want to mention that, during this scene, a picture of the two of them, one which Nana had stabbed through the middle as she was telling Junna how dazzling she thought she once was, had since been moved to a little pond in the background of the scene (and of the background of the start of the whole revue, so it was there the whole time) that was nearly identical to the one where Junna and Nana had had their moment of comfort at the end of episode 9 of the anime. With the middle of the picture being soaked in water, it ended up sinking just enough for the new cut in the middle of the picture to appear almost mended, showing that, while the damage Nana had done and the rift between them was still there, it was already starting to mend as they once again regarded each other as equals. This scene lives in my head constantly and haunts me daily. Congratulations to Junnana for having a divorce arc as high schoolers

Soriku:

Ultimate friends to lovers. They've been best friends since childhood but as they start to grow up, those feelings change into a more romantic nature but neither handles this well. Riku in particular has a whole villain arc about it bc his insecurities about the situation get the better of him, meanwhile Sora isn't self aware enough to recognize his feelings are romantic in nature but he spends all of his time desperately trying to get Riku back so they can be together again. Ultimately even after they come together, their love continues to be a main driving force of the narrative and it's so palpable

[baejax-the-great]

[First, I was rereading "Agua Caliente" and I remembered a song that played a lot in my childhood (and I had kind of forgotten) bc the lyrics somehow matched the Patrochilles dynamic in this fic. This is kind of funny bc I would never in my life associate sertanejo (it's a type of country music, I think? Idk I've never heard country, but the aesthetic is kind of similar. Anyway, it's pretty popular here) with shipping an ancient Greek couple in modern AU, but ok. And I went to listen to this song again and now I'm listening to it on a loop, so thanks for that.]

Now the real question! It's perhaps a strange question, but do you plan what you write? Like, before you write, do you have the whole structured idea in mind? I could have sworn it was like that reading the fics, but then some notes on Ao3 and certain things you say on Tumblr started to make me reflect that maybe you don't plan as much as I thought… in that case, how do you manage to connect everything so well without looking like something was left out/without prior planning??? It's magic, technique, luck or actually do you plan?

Sorry if the question is a bit "???" but I'm REALLY thinking about this! I used to write fics years ago and I was in the "won't plan" group and as expected the fics came out obviously unplanned (but that was ok with me bc it was just to pass the time and I didn't expect it to be an engaging story or anything), and here's why this ask exists: it's precisely bc I was in the “won't plan” group that I'm really intrigued by the possibility of you NOT planning bc it just doesn't seem that way reading your fics...

The short answer is that I do plan what I write, but probably not enough.

I rarely start writing a fic with an entire idea. Often it's just a vibe. But I won't start posting a fic until I know exactly what the conflict is and how it will be resolved.

This was easy in ATG, for example, because I'd already written the resolution before I even decided to write the fic. Structuring it by Patroclus's age also helped, because I could make an outline with the stuff that needed to happen and then jam stuff I wanted to happen around it. That "Stuff" could be really specific--obviously Pat had to graduate school and Achilles had to go to the Olympics on specific years, and it was also like, this section should have them fighting. This section should have them getting along, but Achilles is hiding this big lie so there should be a weird tension.

In Sunset, it took me longer to figure out the conflict/resolution. Sure, I knew that Achilles was going to cry on a Chicago street corner and get naked in Pat's kitchen, but why was he there? How did he get there? I had already written Achilles settling in to Pat's place and the scene where he gets into the lake before I decided on Aphrodite being the key to explain this whole thing. Then I knew Pat had to die. But a lot of the stuff that happened in the middle was sort of on a whim (particularly Achilles getting on the wrong L train-that was definitely just an impulse I had while finishing that chapter). Tecmessa's chapter was also a later addition, and a deeply self-indulgent one, hah.

Agua was the least planned of these three, and in some ways it was because the idea was a lot simpler. After three years, Achilles runs into Patroclus again and they reconcile in some way. I knew exactly how Patroclus would feel about the whole thing (relieved, guilty, upset, wounded, hopeful, upset about feeling hopeful). My original plan was just to set up Achilles in his shop and his new life doing his best and have him run into Patroclus at the beach, and eventually they'd go to the desert. I wrote parts of their meeting first, and then I started writing the beginning and ended up scrapping most of that. I realized I was going to have to do a lot more writing for poor Achilles. My lack of planning here did cause some difficulties--I had like three versions of that date he went on with Pat with different endings. One involved Pat in the hospital, lmao. Zag and Meg coming to stay with Achilles were kind of whims, and I had meant to have Hypnos show up for "his turn" and have Achilles send him home because no, these were not team-building exercises, but then I forgot 😩.

The reason that I need to know the conflict/resolution at the start is because I do think all the scenes in a fic should relate to it in some way, either by building up the conflict or setting the groundwork for a resolution. Even for the impulsive scenes I add just for fun, I think about how they can do this. For example, Achilles getting lost on the L allowed me to build up Pat's unreasonable anxiety, show that Ajax was also feeling it to some extent, and end in Pat saying "fuck it" and just giving in to making out with his hot, ancient boyfriend. It was also something that happened to a friend who was visiting me from out of the country and didn't have a working cell phone. That moment of watching him through the window of the L as it slowly pulled away is just etched in my memory.

In Agua Caliente, almost anything could relate to the resolution, because the resolution was "Achilles having a life," thus it didn't require as much planning. Zagreus's apartment getting flooded (something that happened to me in grad school) showed Achilles attempting to be flexible with some success while allowing himself to become closer to Zagreus, which led to a point of connection with his kids. It also made it easier to explain why Achilles was doing Zag's delivery that day when he ran into Pat. There were only a couple things that truly needed to happen in AC for the fic to make sense, and that was a resolution with Achilles' kids and then with Patroclus, of course.

I do get loose threads sometimes, side conflicts or things that didn't end up going anywhere, and those things tend to annoy me until I figure out a way to resolve them or make them otherwise relevant. Or I don't. Or sometimes I realize I need to add something/someone into the fic, and it would have been smoother if I'd added it in an earlier chapter so it didn't seem like a convenient thing I'd just thought of to solve a problem. That's always annoying to me. But whatever. It's fanfic. That's the risk of posting while you write.

[hadassahriv]

Fic Master List: TWEWY

I always feel like everyone who might be interested in my fics has already seen them. But then every once in a while I get new readers who leave wonderful comments, so that is clearly not the case. Everything is housed on AO3, clearly labelled, but this is the master list of my TWEWY fics to date.

Fate and Other Impossibilities (105,596 words) Chapters: 35/35 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku Characters: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Sakuraba Neku, Misaki Shiki, Bito "Beat" Daisukenojo, Bito "Rhyme" Raimu, Hanekoma Sanae, Kanade Rindo, Mikagi "Haz" Hazuki, Sakurane Shoka, Furesawa "Fret" Tosai, Usui Nagi Additional Tags: Post-Game(s), Canon Compliant, Conductor Sakuraba Neku, Developing Relationship Summary: Neku's never wanted to be special. He just wants to be. After three years in Shinjuku, that may no longer be possible.

Notes: My love letter to TWEWY and the first fic I wrote after almost 10 years out of fandom. In May 2021, I heard that a TWEWY sequel was coming, so I replayed Final Remix and then, naturally, played Neo. And after beating the game, I really wanted a story that didn't exist. I actually did not originally intend to release it at all, but a few chapters in decided I might as well. And two years later, here we are!

The Life and Death of Joshua Kiryu (3,274 words) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku Characters: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Sakuraba Neku, Hanekoma Sanae Additional Tags: character backstory, Non-Linear Narrative, Established Relationship, pre- and post-canon, Canon-Typical Talk of Death and Dying Summary: There once was a boy named Yoshiya Kiryu. He died, and then his life began. - Joshua before, during, and after Fate and Other Impossibilities.

Notes: I've written a couple of additional fics within the Fate continuity and this is my non-linear, heavily stylized Joshua piece, highlighting different moments in his life and afterlife. You could read it standalone, but it will be better with context.

Being there together is enough (6,303 words) Chapters: 2/2 Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku, Eri/Misaki Shiki Characters: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Sakuraba Neku, Misaki Shiki, Bito "Beat" Daisukenojo, Bito "Rhyme" Raimu, Kanade Rindo, Furesawa "Fret" Tosai, Usui Nagi, Sakurane Shoka Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Sequel, Weddings, Romance Summary: Wedding parties, old friends, and happy endings to go around. Sometimes everyone really does get the life they deserve. - Or: six years later

Notes: The third fic set within the Fate continuity. This is the happy ending sequel, light and frothy, and it will be more emotionally satisfying if you have read the story it follows. But I am not here to tell anyone what to do.

Unreal Cities (16,550 words) Chapters: 4/22 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku Characters: Sakuraba Neku, Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya, Misaki Shiki, Bito "Beat" Daisukenojo, Bito "Rhyme" Raimu, Kanade Rindo, Furesawa "Fret" Tosai, Mikagi "Haz" Hazuki, Usui Nagi, Kariya Koki, Yashiro Uzuki, Hanekoma Sanae Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Conductor Sakuraba Neku, Post-Canon Summary: Three years is a long time to be dead, trapped in an endless loop of a city's final days and trying to understand what happened to it. No one told Neku that going back to his own life would be the hard part.

Notes: And here is my current ongoing fic! Slight canon divergence, rooted in a different take on the Shinjuku years. Eventual Conductor Neku, because that's my niche, but it's a different kind of story than Fate. Updating twice a month, if you want to come along for the ride!

[bye-bye-firefly]

Ooh! So, ya know how a few days ago you were talking about how the first fic you wrote was a choromatsu x reader fic? I suddenly remembered you mentioning that the first fic you wrote was a time loop fic and now I’m curious as to what the plot for that was

Also, I just came to the realization that I don’t have to scroll through my following list to find your account, I can just use the search button. I know this is probably like really obvious to everyone except for me but I am very excited about this!

okay so the plot was essentially like. it starts out super normal right. for a WHILE its a normal x reader was the idea. like you get you (reader) just hanging out with the boys and getting closer to them, though i really wanted to focus on choromatsu at the time. long after this fic was deleted, i also had the idea of making it be like a multiple-choice thing so i have a bunch of chapters with the same numbers with different letters beside them to differentiate choices, which was ALSO going to play into the fic. i wasnt really that far into the story when i deleted it, so i couldve reasonably added chapters where you get to know all the boys and get closer to them. but yeah you think its normal youre lulled into a false sense of security and then i was going to reveal the time loop like BAM theres a time loop. and it was going to become CRAZY TOWN in there but i never got to that part because i was very flustered and frustrated with it. but choromatsu was aware of it and then the reader became aware of it

i also had the idea of it being like. the end of the choromatsu route feels like its all settled and done with but then it reveals its not. the loop keeps going or the reader resets. and then if a reader was really curious they could go through the other x reader chapters and see what the fuck is going on and it would basically be like There is no proper end. and the whole thing hinges on the fact that you, the reader, are NOT COMPLIANT WITH THE CANON OF THE UNIVERSE. you DO NOT EXIST in this story and you SHOULDNT. this SHOULDNT be something thats happening and YOU ARE AWARE OF THIS. i wanted it to get really meta and the horror was going to be amazing i had a scene planned where the reader goes to hang out with one of the boys, walks into the house, and theres nothing there and you just get to talk to god. i wanted it to very quickly spiral out of control with the multiple options that you could respond with and for the text of god to become very jumbled and nonsensical (because theyre answering ALL THE RESPONSES instead of JUST ONE because there is NO WAY to tell which response you choose in the format i was writing the story in) until you get to the end, where god kicks you out and tells you to keep going. i wanted the final chapters to be either a) the reader systematically removing themselves from the story as a selfless act for the boys or b) the reader KEEPS FIGHTING the will of the universe until the fic collapses in on itself. like the universe just gives up and you can TELL it just gives up. the universe lets out a final breath

talking about it you realise that this is a really huge idea that really i could not do on my own. i think that i could write an individual story like this and i do love the idea of meta-commentary, ive always wanted to get meta in my stories, but this is a REALLY BIG idea. especially considering there are six brothers? and because they are six different people, there needs to be six different plots? like yeah im not doing that . sure its all going to eventually focus on the time loop but like. i need to keep lulling the people who choose osomatsu into a false sense of security until he learns about the time loop.

and also its juggling a reader that may or may not know theyre in a time loop. you have to constantly write as if it could be either or so that readers can come back and be like Holy fucking shit because that is probably the best feeling as a reader is being able to go back and Realise. and i cannot pull a nameless and have the reader character be expectant that theyre in a time loop because when that comes out, it would make more sense for the reader to be in shock no matter WHAT version of the universe theyre in. the person who should be acting like they know is choromatsu because he has a reason to. and of course, as time goes on and as you continue reading through the routes, choromatsu becomes more and more suspicious of you. but its hard to write this when its like. do you want this to be multiple choice or do you want this to centre on choromatsu. because wanting it to centre on choromatsu makes this make sense, but then adding in multiple choice and writing the multiple-choice sections at the same time, it makes the whole concept fall apart. if a reader comes into the story and starts reading the ichimatsu route, theyre going to be hit with these things that they dont even understand. theyre reading the story completely out of whack BUT THATS HOW ITS MEANT TO BE READ me making it multiple choice means that im ALLOWING this to be the experience they get.

like as banging as this story sounds in my head and as banging as the chapters i have written are (as banging as they could be considering i was 16 years old writing them) i do not think i could actually post this because it would just be really confusing to follow if you consumed the story as it was meant to be consumed which could potentially be TECHNICALLY out of order. people do this with the how to: series as well there are a lot of people who have read how to: happy and have NOOOOO fucking clue what is going on in there. they came for KARAMATSU ANGST and NOTHING MORE they DID NOT expect there to be HORROR NIGHTMARES but that is exactly what they got. so i just know that is how that would go with this series which i know for sure would fuck people up. you walk into a 150k+ jyushimatsu x reader and on the 14th chapter youre in there talking to fucking god like HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

[birlwrites]

hi hi 🤡🎶⛔❌👀 <333

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

aghsgkhsjdkf i make myself laugh all the time, but i'm going to supply a few specific things:

the first one is from chapter 16 set those ghosts alight, a couple of lines that always make me giggle:

Roping Snape in on Regulus's plan is going pretty well, all things considered. "Absolutely not," Snape says.

in general, snape in stga makes me laugh - every conversation he has with regulus is like he's actively preparing someone's epitaph

and i think most people follow me here for my hp fic but imo, the actual funniest stuff i've written is for all for the game - i have a booktuber andrew fic and a series of andrew and jean being roommates that very often make me cackle

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i generally listen to music to match a specific vibe, rather than having playlists for particular wips - recently i haven't been listening to much music while i write because it does often distract me and i need to really focus to get lachrimae right afjslghjkf, but if i were you by nothing but thieves is a go-to whenever i need to write something that feels intense (and i do sometimes just flat-out loop one song for hours if it has the right vibes afjslghsjkdf, that's often the best balance for me between listening to music and not getting distracted by it)

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

oh plenty!! i have a lot of ideas that just kind of go away and become fuel for other ideas. one that actually got pretty far before i stopped working on it has a working title of 'murder husbands: the accidental longfic' - in which regulus and evan murder their fathers in cold blood (with some unknowing help from the order of the phoenix) to become wizengamot lords and cause problems for voldemort and the death eaters

i say it 'got pretty far' but i just mean that it's almost 17k of disjointed scenes lmao, i never figured out where it was going. it's the first fic i ever wrote with heather as a character though! also the first fic i ever wrote with katherine - she and regulus almost get into a duel at evan's father's funeral agshlgjdklf

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

fan of the show/book/whatever somehow ends up in the universe of the show/book/whatever - i guess that's more of a premise than a trope but it just doesn't hold any appeal for me

ok an actual trope - when 2 siblings are romantically interested in the same person. i can't see myself ever writing that. i don't have like, an articulated *reason* for it - it just doesn't vibe with my brain, i think maybe because as far as romantic drama goes, i prefer when the drama is really centered on whatever's endgame - so love triangles tend to feel kind of aimless to me, and then when there's additional sibling drama wrapped up in it i just don't vibe with it

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

i'm talking about lachrimae a lot rn already but i think it qualifies ajfslhgjksdf - there's a mystery at the center of it, which makes it hard for me to ramble the way i want to without spoiling the surprise, but i will say i'm adding gifted kid burnout angst to it because idk i like to really twist the knife as i'm writing i guess??? regulus wasn't going through enough already???

seriously though i'm super excited for it - chronologically, it's a LOT messier than ttdl, and i'm having a lot of fun with the combinations of flashbacks and visions and memories. putting it together kind of feels like assembling a scrapbook - i have all the excerpts from hydromanipulation written out and ready to go!

<3 <3 <3

send me fic writer emoji asks!

[smooth-goat]

hi robin lol 1, 6, 7, 13, 14, 18 (ik you do but I want to know the answer to the second part), 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 35, 36, 37, 42, 43, 49, 50, 51, 58, 61 (out of all of them), 62 and 63 (for a&a), 64 (for ginger tea) 68, 69, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 78, 79

so many !! fjdsklaf (ask meme here) i'll put most of the answers under a read more cause its long

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

oh i daydream for sure. my fics tend to start as a single paragraph elevator pitch, basically, in my brainstorming document. And i'll daydream and experiment a little at what scenes that would include, what character interactions, different moods and settings—the Vibes. then i can start outlining. even though i can type quickly, my thoughts still move faster, and i feel i need to think things out before i start typing something and forget the other ideas in my head

6. What's the last line you wrote?

"The infant whimpers in the arms of the woman beside the pulpit. Snufkin eyes flick to her for a moment, Moomintroll sees. He adjusts the large scarf across his shoulders. His words stumble, just a little." — from a&a

7. Post a snippet from a wip.

Moomintroll’s paw twitched on the small of Snufkin’s back. Squeezed slightly. Hardly daring, Snufkin pressed his forehead into Moomintroll’s chest, breathing in his scent. Light, at first, and then sinking in. Fresh bread and laundry soap. A tinge of alcohol on his breath.

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

I used to (as in just two years ago) be able to listen to music or have old youtube videos on in the background as I wrote. I wrote about half of "chlorine & corticosteroids", probably, with jenna marbles videos playing in the background. but something changed in my brain and now i need Silence or maybe a looping instrumental song. I like Erik Satie's "Gnossiène no. 3".

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in?

Most often, I write in my room, crouched over or lying on my stomach very babygirl. Favorite though is writing in the patio of my local library. Outdoors, nice weather, free wifi and power outlet. I can have a little beverage and look at trees and birds.

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

As we both know, of Course i enjoy research jfdskla the one that required the most was probably "chlorine & corticosteroids" actually. It was the longest fic I had written at the time, so there were more little details I wanted right. Also it was about ulcerative colitis, a condition I don't have, so I wanted to do research to get it right. Medical information, of course, but also forums and reddit threads and tumblr posts by people with UC to get a feel for actual life with it. The experience of being on a low-fiber medical diet, of EDCs relating to fecal incontinence and ileostomy bags. Also also because I set it in Flagstaff, Arizona: a place I have never been to. So I spend a lot of time on google maps looking at different neighborhoods and bus routes and knowing where everything in the city was. I might have spent more time researching a&a, but i think the research for c&c was more necessary. then again, i did read whole books for a&a so. idk.

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

already answered !

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

I do this thing, for the beginning of a story (or chapter) that I have the outline establish a few sentences, then start writing what is functionally the second paragraph. And then I can never think of a good first line, so I just make that "second" paragraph into the first. And I feel it usually works? I think it skips the boring little establishing bits and catches interest better. Wrt outlining though and broader plots? I don't really think the beginning, middle, or end is the hardest. I'll have really strong visions for specific scenes, and I just have to figure out how to fill in between them. I guess most of those are in the middle, but the middle is also just the biggest part of the story, so I don't think it's fair to say it's the hardest for that.

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

Worldbuilding can be fun because of all the research, but I feel sometimes I get too in the weeds and lose steam. I try to reign myself in and research as I go when needed. I write my outline and a notable amount of prose all at once, bouncing around a little, and then the outline is simply cannabalized by the prose.  I do that especially with dialogue, where I write most of the actual "script" so to speak on my first pass and then add the tags and pacing sentences after. I think that first pass is the most exciting, where I can see the story change from ideas in my head into a more concrete vision.

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

when i write and can't immediately think of what joins moments together, i'll fill it in with a placeholder, like [few sentences] or [transition]. sometimes they're more specific, like [back and forth about scheduling] but sometimes i don't have an idea for what goes there. and sometimes filling in those gaps is like pulling teeth

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

mood and tone, i think, are my strongest. the sort of atmosphere and how the air hangs and all that

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

I definitely do want to get more comfortable writing sex scenes. I think they're a rich vein of narrative and character and symbolic importance and I want to practice that more. I also want to get better at more complex narratives. All my stories, mostly given their length, have only had the capacity for a single plot, and maybe small threads of others. In a few years, I'd like to be able to write something with definite A and B plots.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

answered here !

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

This kind of goes back to the outline turning into the prose. Usually I get a sentence in that's just very plain text what happens, and then I'll go in after and backfill actual prose. And usually I know as I write what spots need reworking, and I'll leave a comment to myself (e.g. "rephrase" or "move to [x] paragraph" or "would he be this direct"). Or it'll simply be a word that I want to run in a thesaurus cause the perfect word isn't coming to me at the moment but I don't want to lose momentum so I just flag it for later. But I don't think I do a lot of editing tbh. Sometimes I read over finished chapters to catch repetitive lines and such, but a lot of big structural editing I do as I write in the outline stage.

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted? (L)

Favorite that I've posted might be "Black Cohosh". I think it was a change in direction into the kind of stuff I really enjoy writing now: a sort of moody, introspective piece weighted with symbolism. Also bees. I also really like "chlorine & corticosteroids" in the sort of same-but-opposite way. It's definitely a modern piece with a modern voice, and I think it has a good tonal balance between the humor and affection of Jesse and Lake becoming close and the weight of Jesse facing his dangerous people-pleasing and Lake's and Tulip's experiences with ableism.

36. What fic are you proudest of? (L) 

Proudest of is definitely a&a. It's the longest thing I've written and the most unapologetic, I think. It took a lot to include the plot points I was nervous about, but I think it was worth it

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

answered here !

42. What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with?

I think "Sweetpea & Daffodil" is a good title on the floriographic front. "gratitude & please return my affection" really fits the theme of what happens in it, the letters to ones own disabled body which read like two lovers in pain and desperate to make it work. tbh i think my floriographic titles have all been pretty apt, cause these emotions are exactly what the code is built for. Yellow rainflower standing for friendship but also betrayal, undying love but also infidelity. Lavender symbolizing devotion and distrust. I also like "chlorine & corticosteroids" for its contrast, showing the two very different worlds of Jesse and Lake respectively, and seeing them interact.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

Oh I have a wip called "Common Courtesy", focused on Snufkin and Pappa's interactions, where Pappa Does An Ableism and then instead of actually apologizing, builds a ramp to Moominhouse, and is a little Too expectant of praise for it. Getting into infrastructural segregation and Moominpappa's inability to apologize and just. Seeing these two very different but equally stubborn men interact.

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

I think "Ginger Tea and Parsley Oil" is a decent introduction to the style and topics that I like to go into. lmao i just read it again and ive definitely gotten better (so much of it feels clunky to me now!) but i think that's a good an entry as any

50. How would you describe your writing style?

A part of my writing style I've put a lot of focus on for years is word choice. There's a sort of emotional depth, I think, that can be found in words that sound a little unnatural. As if each one had a pause before you spoke it. My backburner OC story Ink Blots has a significant portion of dialogue between people speaking in a mutually non-native lingua franca, so there's always this sort of haze of people translating things in their head, how this translation affects how they speak. And I think that's something that I've transferred into my fic writing too. 

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

For sure! tbh i haven't been reading much fic lately, but books I like to read are often different than what I write. I've liked Kurt Vonnegut for many years now, who has a much more blunt style than I do: much shorter word length and simple grammar. And I love Jane Austen, who writes very differently from me in both content (satires about the English landed gentry) and style (quippy dialogue and sometimes meandering prose). I've also enjoyed epistolary novels, like Dracula and Ella Minnow Pea. I've never written epistolary works before, but it seems fun

58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?

hard to pick! i use a lot of it fdjaskl i'd say one i like is in a&a chapter 16:

There's a single word sitting in the middle of the table. It's heavy. The wooden legs creak and groan under its weight. Moomintroll fears putting anything else down even a little too roughly will make the table collapse.

i think it's evocative, effective, and i was able to play with it the whole rest of the chapter with characters' interactions with the physical table they were sitting at mirroring their approaches and avoidances of the topic at hand

61. In [all of your fics], what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

idk about favorite cause that's a tough question, but i really like the scene in "Yellow Rainflower" where Alicia and Snufkin are talking at night about why Snufkin took so long to come back and never even wrote her. I think it was good move into the stuff I like to do now: conversations beginning to put equal or more weight into what is unsaid than what is actually said.

62 .In [acacia & asphodel], is there a deleted scene/idea you wish you could have included? Why did it get cut?

Oh when I was figuring out a&a, I wasn't really sure of its format. Would it be a one-shot series, a single piece, something in between? I have a bunch of little ideas but there are two I am a little sad to see go. One is where Alicia takes in a stray cat, and there's some fun little banter between them over it. But it's one that includes Sisu as a toddler so when I narrowed the scope of the fic to just the pregnancy and Sisu's first few days of life, I had to cut it cause it wouldn't make sense for her to do it then. Another is a sort of scrapped epilogue, where Moomintroll paints Snufkin giving Sisu a bath in the sink. I cut it cause for one just like before it required Sisu to just be a little bit older (though by just a few months), and also it was redundant with the closing chapter I have already. Also it felt a little too neat and tidy, and I wanted a more ambiguous ending that signified another beginning, not something that could read more as a happily-ever-after.

63. What was the hardest part of writing [acacia & asphodel]?

answered here !

64 . If you rewrote [Ginger Tea] now, would you change anything?

I like Parsley Oil as it is alright, but I think I would restructure Meadowsweet. More internal monologue, less verbal monologue. I think there are things that Snufkin would think but not say out loud that I had him say out loud and are just a little Too Vulnerable for him to voice.

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

I feel like that would be really hard to trace. I've read a lot of fic jfkdlsa I like to read through entire tags of a fandom (a character or ship or another tag), or sometimes the entire fandom's tag on ao3. I think looking at different fandoms though, my writing style is very influenced by Pathologic fics I've read. The symbolism and the moodiness and the weight and the politics are all,I feel, lifted more from those works than a lot of Moomin fics.

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

i'm not reading any fics at the moment jfkdsl  favorites that i've had, though, include "Gracilis", "Darling, Oh", "The Little Book of Daffodils", and "Moss". I also really like Weevilo707's Infinity Train fics.

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

I love getting complimented on symbolism, especially when it's something I didn't really notice myself doing. Like when I was doing it, I knew something was meaningful and important and so put it in, but I couldn't articulate how, and then I see someone put all my own thoughts into words. It really reminds me of why I love sharing my writing—I love the collaborate discussion and the enthusiasm with which I can talk to my friends about it.

73. What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Often symbolism—especially lately, cause a&a has had a lot of symbolism and narrative parallels, and I love talking about that. I also get compliments on research (of course) and on specific gut-punch lines, often at a chapter's end.

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

answered here !

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

answered here !

76. How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

I think the external pressure I face writing is not in regards to writing what gets more attention—I've tried writing it and know it does better but also I know it doesn't feel as rewarding or interesting to write—but in avoiding topics of controversy. Including sex scenes, discussions of sex work and of eugenics and abortion, showing sexual harassment and antisemitism, depicting the common instances of ableism that I'm certain a notable amount of my readers have performed themselves. The controversial stuff, the kind of stuff that gets strangers to rally against you, can be scary to share. Internally, sometimes I do feel pressure to keep to a publishing schedule, feeling like I "owe" readers a regular update. But ultimately, I know that's not true. I'm a regular guy and a pretty busy one at that. Writing a novel for fun and for free? This is something I'll do when I have time and if I treat it too much like another job then I'll lose my love of it.

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

for general writing, the sort of "get-er-done" motivation, I like to get inspired. I read my old stuff, I listen to the playlists that I made, I make amvs in my head. Something that will get me emotionally invested in the art. There's also the motivation wrt the content of what I write, and for that I keep thinking about this anon I got, a disabled person who was really touched by the first sex scene in a&a, saying they hadn't felt represented in a sex scene before. That's just a really poignant thing for me, to be able to make another disabled person feel seen. Stuff like that, hearing from other disabled people, seeing our shared experiences—that's really motivating too, encouraging me to keep writing what I'm writing, because while it might be niche, there's an audience that really cares.

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

One of the biggest things that's helped me is analyzing the writing of other's—stuff you like, stuff that's just not your taste but effective, and stuff that just sucks. Why do certain things work and others not? Where's the line between personal taste and common consensus—and is that line where you feel it should be, and why that? I've loved film analysis, and video essays about films. I think that sort of critical thinking is really helpful for knowing how to construct your writing. (robin ?? suggesting research ??? who could have guessed)

[plothooksinc]

😈 ✍ 🎶 💖 🦅

I answered the first two in the previous ask, so let me tackle those last three ♥

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I do! I have a cyberpunk playlist for when I write Zaibatsu (rarely as that is currently) and a TMNT one which is in the process of being refined. I had one off Spotify for ages and I might recreate that, but I'm looking for new and inspiring music and want to add a lot of other fans' amazing choices to it.

The song I've been playing on loop lately is Final Boss by Nitro Fun, because I'm making an AMV to it and thus listening to it many, many times a day. (Same reason as Bitch Boss by Doja Cat was the last ear worm because swagless!Leo AMV.)

💖 What made you start writing?

In general or fanfiction? In general, I've been writing since I was eight and my little child brain was devouring every book in the library and I realised that words were, in fact, magic and I could put them down on the page and keep rearranging them until they were amazing. And that meant I could write stories like the books too! So yeah, I've been writing for a very long time. I first started writing a novel at 14 and then at 18, and neither of them have been scrapped per se but my desire to write them has gone down with the state of publishing these days and the fact that the overriding premise of both of them was something that's glutted in the market these days.

I first wrote stories for my favourite cartoons in my teens (Defenders of the Earth and the original TMNT) but didn't know that was called fanfiction and it certainly wasn't for anyone else, it was just for me. And I discovered fanfic was a thing online in my early 20s, but by that point I'd become disillusioned with my writing (it was still pretty immature) and so it didn't occur to me to try for anyone else. Up until I got my first massive hyperfixation in my 20s, which was the Rurouni Kenshin fandom, and I decided to try. My writing was still awkward in the first chapter but had been polished some due to online RP, and then I discovered something called instant validation and encouragement and the more confidence I gained, the better I got. So. I fell into writing wholesale and loved it, because I might not have had confidence in writing to begin with but I loved telling stories in any format I could. (I have a very long tabletop RP career, too)

The short answer is: words are magic and they never stopped being magic, and I like working magic. And telling stories. And picking on my favourite characters. You know how it goes.

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

Bit of Column A, bit of column B! All my early stuff + Tanabata Jasmine were written off the cuff, but my brain was really good at filing details and repeating motifs all on its own, so bonus. Snowblind has no outline but it's a reasonably simple story at heart and doesn't need one. My one shots are just moments in time. Zaibatsu Project was a huge cyberpunk AU and that required a lot of work, both working out who these samurai characters were in 2029 Japan and what on earth I was even going to write - the outline is half done and we're about halfway through the outline I have. At some point if I get to the end, I'll outline the rest, because at the beginning I was really just playing to see if I could write such an extreme AU. (I can.) Misconduct has no outline - it's taking a deviation in canon and writing naturally occurs along the same timeline with differences, so no outline required for me.

...Underdark had no outline. Underdark was meant to be 8 pages long and Underdark went and wrote itself, that fic was lightning in a bottle. No outline because I literally just zoned out and kept typing, though the point was always to shift the balance of strength from Leo to Mikey and thus Leo was always gonna get taken out. I knew that was happening. Legacy, Court of Miracles, and Desperation all have outlines because they were my entrance into writing for my very first and most beloved fandom, and I wanted to get it right.

And then we get to No Rest For The Weary, in which some part of my brain went "I want to write" and the rest of me went "no, I haven't written in years, it's not gonna work". Because I hadn't really written for 13 years at that point for Many Reasons. But I loved Rise so much that I made a deal with myself: if I could actually take some of the vague scenes playing in my head that I'd like to see and write out some kind of outline to make a cohesive story, I'd try.

...then it took me like. 20 minutes to write a 2000 word outline from beginning to end and I was like huh okay then. Writing it is. And then I tried. And it worked. So. Outlines are cool and useful and occasionally resurrect your writing career, but it also does not escape my notice that the best fic I ever wrote was one that had no outline at all. But all in all, outlines are just guidelines - they're me sitting down and going 'here's some dot point shorthand on a story skeleton' and then going 'huh' and using what works of it as I go and improvising the rest.

All of this to say: I GUESS IT DEPENDS. lmao. I'm sorry, I waffled, hope your eyes didn't glaze ♥

Fanfic asks here!

[delta-pavonis]

How about 🤡, ✨, 🎶, and 💖 for the writer asks?

Thanks for the questions @tj-dragonblade!!

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

OK, I am going to give two, one recent, one older:

Hob also learned that Dream’s form in the Waking, human though it may appear and human though it might respond to Hob’s touch, was not human at all in its hunger for pleasure. He had seen hints before, in the months since Dream had revealed his true nature to Hob, that the vastness of his being was not always well-contained in human form. This was no different, Dream bleeding away from his humanness the further entangled they became.

The short of it was that, in the shockingly brief time it took his dick to rally an interest in the proceedings again, Hob had been so filled with semen you could have mistaken him for a navy ship. -- from Chapter 3 of high enough (you got me good)

(Context for the next one is that it is an OC of mine, Mett, who is nonbinary and uses primarily he/him pronouns in the Star Trek: Discovery and Star Trek: Strange New Worlds universes. This is part of how he and Ash Tyler shack up. They end up in a committed triad with Chris Pike in a 48k+ fic I haven't finished yet. Whee!)

They collapsed on the couch, Ash’s full weight on Mett, who wriggled in delight, a wholly dopey smile on both their faces. Ash sighed, his nose buried in the back of Mett’s neck. “I think that went well.”

Mett giggled and then whimpered as Ash shifted out of him the last bit. He reached back to pat Ash on the hip. “Baby, if you think I am even halfway done with you after that performance…” Mett rolled his hips back and Ash gasped. “I’ve got some of my own tricks. Which I will gladly show you. Once I gather a few more brain cells back together.”

Ash laughed and rubbed his still-hard cock along the crack of Mett’s ass. “I am ready when you are.”

“Jesus. You…” Mett rolled his hips again to confirm. “Fuck, you’re still hard.”

“You’re welcome.” 

Mett snorted. After a beat, “Sorry about your shirt.”

“No you’re not.” Ash’s voice was amused and light. “I’m certainly not.”

“Good.” Mett rolled his shoulders back and started to push up. “Gotta pee. Shove off or you’re gonna get wet.”

Ash stood and stretched, hands brushing the ceiling of the room. “Eh, not my kink.” 

He felt a hand patting his hip. “We are gonna get along just fine.”

“Because we weren’t already?” Ash quipped... -- from Chapter 2 of Sagitta

(this last one from Sagitta isn't that funny, but it tickles me pink, so there.)

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

JFC, I am ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE AT THIS. <Stitch eye-pulling GIF> OK, I am really really fucking happy with how a wrote first-person POV for Hob in i had a dream (i got everything i wanted). That is the first time I have ever felt really PROUD of my own fiction writing.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

Usually not, although I have a few songs that specifically have inspired (very vaguely) fics. The one I am working on right now has its home in Veruca Salt's Seether, one of my favorite songs of all time.

💖 What made you start writing?

*shakes cane* Back in my day...

No, really, somewhere in the depths of some external hard drive are the fics that I wrote 100% for myself in middle and high school. Never published, ever ever, and will never see the light of day. These were places I explored my identity as bisexual and how I preferred power dynamics in relationships.

I have put fic up on AO3 when I have been truly inspired by some source. Episode 6 of The Sandman absolutely hit that button HARD for me. And then I got into the fandom, my first venture back into fandom since the early MCU, and YOU PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING SUPPORTIVE AND AMAZING AND IT IS WONDERFUL. There was a HUGE response to my first less than 400 word Dreamling ficlet on AO3 and the Sandfam support just pushed me from there.

[sallertiafabrica]

AO3 Wrapped 3, 10 and 27

3 - What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

That I wrote and published this year, The Mouse’s Tale. It was pretty out of my comfort zone, in terms of writing style and structure, and I’m really happy with the result. Same for Brandish the Needle, Sing a Lullaby, now that I think about it (while the flashbacks mixed in with the present time was similar to Trickster’s 20th chapter, but while in Trickster the focus is more on the flashbacks and the present just provides some kinda extra context to Tricky’s mindscape at the moment, in Brandish the Needle, it’s the opposite; the flashbacks are there for extra context for the present time and it feels like they directly affect each other, in some way, while in Trickster, it has more of a dissociating feeling; what was my point again? Oh, yeah, Brandish the Needle was out of my comfort zone because this was the first time I wrote about someone else’s AU and you know firsthand what a nervous wrack that made me, lol) but Mouse’s Tale took it a step ahead by being from an omniscient POV.

That I brought to and finish it this year: Trickster. I mean– just *gestures vaguely*. I still don’t even know how to put it into words. Just– it’s completed! It’s sitting there in my works with the little green check! After +100k words, 54 chapters, more than a 1 year, and three different therapists, it’s completed. Not sure if I’ll ever be over that. Oh, I’m in the process of reading it in full for the first time since completing it, btw, so, yeah, there’s that.

10 - What work was the quickest to write?

Not sure? I reread my drafts so many times and like to edit things so much that it’s hard for me to estimate how much time I take to write things.

OK, just went through my oneshots and remembered the existence of A Bad Ending, that Ib AU drabble. That was very easy and quick to write since it’s just Marinette “waking up” into the gallery and describing the place’s general feel as well as the Hanged Man painting.

27 - What do you listen to while writing?

I have a YouTube playlist called Sensory Heaven, where I put in all songs that sound good in my ear (here’s the link), and if I wanna some background while writing, I’ll split the screen with YouTube and put this playlist on shuffle. I also started using Spotify more often (so that I can get a wrapped next year, lol) and am doing basically the same thing with the favoriting feature. For pieces that were explicitly inspired by music, though, I’ll put the specific song on loop. Trickster and Symphony of Lights have their own playlists, though, which I alternated between playing their specific playlists or just using Sensory Heaven.

Oh! And when I don’t feel like listening to music, but still wanna a background noise, I’ll put on one of Markplier’s videos to play (preferably, one I watched so many times already that I won’t mind not being able to pay attention).

[treesap-blogs]

GUYS IM BACK! with another review(I know it’s not saturday shhh!), this time of “when the moon was ours”!

Hello, Tumblrians! I’m back. After a couple months. Life happened. Well, to be exact, death happened(rip Dad, 1964-2023)(someone better not use that against me in an online argument), and I was in a terrible space to the point where blogging felt like an obligation and a chore meant to worsen my depression. I’m back, though! I missed being on here more than I’d like to admit. I wish I could say when I’ll start posting consistently, but the truth is that I’ll continue to get busier and my mood fluctuates frequently. 

No, it’s not a Saturday or Sunday, but I didn’t feel like waiting for that point! So.

The first book I read after everything kinda unfolded was Blanca & Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore, but I already have my thoughts on that posted on Bookstagram, so I’ll just link my profile instead of regurgitating my thoughts here.(I usually keep things mostly positive there, and share about books I loved and/or others recommended to me!) One thing I did not say in the review, however, was that sometimes the characters had a tendency to say descriptors that were either similar or the same word-for-word in other chapters, which was kinda annoying. There was a specific galaxy? star? metaphor that was used once in Blanca’s POV and another time in Roja’s, which I guess was there for cinematic parallels but just felt repetitive instead of clever. Overall a pretty great book though and I liked the POV distribution(flowed a lot smoother than another McLemore book with multiple POVs, Dark & Deepest Red). 

I suppose while on the topic of Anna-Marie, I’ll move on to another book they wrote! I don’t think I’ve reviewed “When The Moon Was Ours” on here, but it was the second book of theirs I’d read, and I loved it! (Even though that was months ago when I did read it.)

“When The Moon Was Ours” is a 2016 novel written by Anna-Marie McLemore, following two third-person perspectives of a trans boy named Sam(ir), and his close friend-slash-lover, Miel. The two of them met when they were both little, and Miel unexpectedly came out of a rusty water well being taken down. Being scared and frightened by this new environment, Sam became Miel’s first companion and someone she first trusted(before being taken into the care of a young woman named Aracely). Both Miel and Sam have been the subjects of their town’s folklore: Miel’s mysterious origin, combined with her ability to generate roses on her wrist, made her rumored to be a witch. Sam, by proxy, has been looped into that. Present day, the three Bonner sisters(I don’t remember their names, but I remember they were nicknamed “Las Gringas Bonitas”) are hoping to take advantage of Miel’s abilities for their own gain, forcing her to make three roses for them(one for each girl) under the assumption their scent will make boys fall in love with them. In order to get Miel under their control, they’re determined to use every possible secret against her, including Samir’s past.

This story was one of a few novels I read in roughly under a day, for a multitude of reasons: I tend to binge-read books with difficult subject matter or harsh events so I don’t have to stick with them much longer, and I also remember being very entranced in the writing. Finishing it wasn’t an obligation, it was something I genuinely wanted to do and I was so wrapped up in Samir and Miel’s story that I read to the very end to see how all the events played out. The prose was beautifully written, and I thought both Miel and Samir’s arcs were engaging. With that said though, it’s a) been a while since I’ve read this book, so I don’t fully know to the extent that prose might have become repetitive, b) Anna-Marie McLemore has a writing style that’s very hit-or-miss, something I’m familiar with as a fan who’s read six of their books by now. Some think it’s lush, others think it’s a little too flowery. But here, I felt that style added to the unconventional, sometimes “fucked up fairytale” feel of their magical realism. (Which I think is an interesting thing to note, considering that McLemore’s written retelling and also takes inspiration from fairy tales from their childhood for their fantasy/magical realism writing!)

Also, just something I noticed: this is one of a few books I’ve read with names for chapters! Very cool. More books should do that.

Spoiler Section from here until the end of the review!! Tread carefully(or avoid entirely), if you do want to read.  

To start, Samir being transgender is an integral part of the plot, which is why I mentioned it in my summary: Yes, I could include that one aspect of that is the harassment and bullying Samir faces because of his identity as a trans boy(his deadname is even used as blackmail by the Bonner Sisters). But he is also coming to terms with him being a boy. Samir’s cultural background involves a tradition called “Bacha posh”, in which girls can spend a period of their life presenting and dressing as boys in order to be the breadwinners for their families or to get more opportunities. The girls are still cis in these cases, but being recognized as male gives them more opportunities and freedom, hence why families with no sons do it. There’s a timeframe for this, though: once the girl reaches puberty, she transitions back to living in female gender roles, which is not always easy to do. (For context, Samir is Pakistani, but I understand that bacha posh is an Afghan tradition. I’ll have to go back and reread the author’s note or possibly parts of the book to see if this was addressed..?) (EDIT, 9/29/24!: I’m stupid, Samir is mixed.) Samir volunteered to become a bacha posh for his family after finding out about the practice, and as a result thinks that the reason for his discomfort in “going back” to living as a girl is due to that, not because of being transgender(even though long past the start of puberty, he presented as male). 

And while Samir’s arc is a difficult one to read because of the oppression he faces, both as a Pakistani boy and a transgender one, I remember really liking how his gender identity was presented in the narrative. Sure, it may take him a while to realize himself, but his loved ones(such as his mother and Miel) already know him as one. (There was also a moment where another transgender character recognized his internal struggles and tried to connect with him on that! Kinda..sucks that Samir being in denial and it being an emotionally intense climactic moment meant that didn’t really get to go any deeper, though.) His gender dysphoria was also realistically depicted, in my opinion. While I wish there were more opportunities for transgender joy in the narrative, I still think he was good representation in that regard.

Something I liked was that there was also a consistent air of mystery throughout the book. Part of Miel’s strangeness comes from her vaguely-remembered appearance all those years ago, and Aracely’s just as sudden one. Plus, there’s…whatever the hell is going on with the Bonner Sisters. That’s part of what kept me drawn in, but there were some…just as strange magical conclusions to those plots! Which I vibed with in the case of Miel and Aracely because I liked the possible symbolic interpretation(and..I’m not boring, I like weird sometimes), but with the Bonner girls, it felt like there was an attempt to make a meaningful, even beautiful ending for them. I do not think those three deserved that, considering what they subjected Miel and Samir to(emphasis on Miel, because she’s being taken captive by them and all, but it’s equally sucky they decided to use Samir’s deadname as ammo). 

I also just had a lot of questions about the Bonner sisters after I read the book?? Like..were they even people, this entire time, or was the magicked away thing just another part of them letting go of the mortal realm and moving on from the pressure put onto them by their family? (So was that also more symbolic?) How are we supposed to feel about them?? Miel is able to connect with the youngest one in the end, and if I’m not remembering incorrectly, kind of has a moment of forgiveness with them..? Again, considering everything they put both Miel and Samir through(like..they were literally in danger), I don’t feel it’s deserved. It feels too pretty of an ending, like they didn’t get enough repercussions for their actions. 

Last point I’ll make! I haven’t talked much about Samir and Miel as a pair/romance. While I didn’t mind them being pre-established, and I think they’re compelling as individual characters, I wish their relationship had more time to be fleshed out. Although my first impression of their romance was positive and I rooted for them, my thoughts have kind of shifted since that time period(evident when comparing my Goodreads review to this one, if any of you follow me there)! There was also a miscommunication problem throughout the book, which was, granted, also a huge part of Miel and Aracely’s dynamic, but it was also present in the main romance(to my annoyance). Which ended up bringing my attention to a prevalent cliché in McLemore’s books! It goes something like this:

Some issue in the plot means that two characters cannot be in a relationship together, lest they jeopardize themself and/or their partner. Feminine-presenting character says to masculine-presenting character they cannot be together, but does not elaborate on the true reason why, and just blames it on not having romantic feelings for them. Masculine-presenting character is devastated but reluctantly accepts this breakup. The two spend some time apart or not as a couple, until even with the current circumstances, the feminine-presenting character can’t manage to be without their partner and goes to both apologize and continue the relationship.

Other books I’ve read in which this happens: Dark And Deepest Red(Lala and Alifair), Lakelore(Lore and Bastián, although it’s more emotional stakes than physical, and Lore’s gender expression varies), Wild Beauty(Estrella and Fel). I have Venom & Vow on my TBR, and I hope it does not also go to that trope because I don’t want to have to deal with that conflict again. It's tired, and I don’t know why it’s so prevalent across Anna-Marie McLemore’s books. I mean, I get the stakes, but…deciding the one way to go about things is to just say you don’t love the other person to make them go away? Feels a little unnecessarily devastating.

End of spoiler section!

Hello, to those who didn’t feel like getting spoiled! I’ll summarize my thoughts without going into detail: I didn’t like how the Bonner sisters(the antagonists of the story) were written and resolved, miscommunication was prevalent in this book and kind of annoyed me(additionally agitating, considering a specific kind of miscommunication present in the book is a McLemore trope), and I liked Samir as trans representation.  

Although there’s a fair share of flaws within this book, I still liked it and recommended it to some people a while back. But thinking back on a few things, I’ve lowered my rating down from a 4.75 ⭐.

Book rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5 stars. Content/trigger warnings: Child abuse(described), racism, suicide(attempted, on-page), transphobia.

~Paz, signing off!

(Follow me on Bookstagram! I post books I love/like, which I won’t post here so I’m not redundant:

[snarky-wallflower]

Thank you so much for tagging me, @thehallstara!

we must go on with the show! is the first fic I thought of when it came to this. It’s a Hatchetfield fic, an exploration of what, exactly, could have happened after the curtain closed on Emma Perkins in Inevitable. I saw the chance for a mockery of a “date”, something Emma would never get to have with this version of Paul, and leapt at it. I really enjoyed getting to play with how Infected Paul would break down Emma, and what the end of the world looked like! It even got recognized by one of my favourite Hatchetfield authors, fencecollapsed - I nearly dropped my phone when I saw that notification!

always be my favourite ghost is a Night In The Woods fic that explores grieving Casey Hartley, and what it means to lose someone for absolutely no reason. I wanted to talk about how everyone has someone that will miss them even if they're gone. It's my love letter to Night in The Woods, that it matters that you were here, even if you are forgotten eventually. For a fic I wrote mostly on a red-eye flight, I'm still so proud of it.

Wave Your World Goodbye is a Hatchetfield fic that I did NOT expect to get as long as it did - it was my first ever (and only, really) completed multi chapter fic. I've always loved the trope of damsels in distress, and it was so much fun to get to write that for the first time! In my defense, Duke Keane could have such damsel in distress energy, and getting to write him and Miss Holloway being incredibly in love even through all of that was delightful. Besides, I got to write Wiley being a bastard, and I'm disturbingly good at that, as it turns out. I think writing the ending is one of the times where I've felt actually evil.

the promises i made (just hold on) is a Madoka Magicia fic where I wrote one important conversation Homura had with each main character over her decade-and-more of looping. I really enjoyed diving deep into her character here - how she can never give up on Madoka, how that self-sacrifice has made it so that she really has nothing else, only the echoes of a friendship long-since-gone.

the present (after it’s past) is a Pulp Musicals fic that's all about broken friendships, and just what it might take to repair them. The Stratfords' relationship with Benjamin fascinates me, especially after the Great Moon Hoax! The narrative may not think about him for a while, but god knows I will. It's about the complexities of being friends with someone for years, not catching what was wrong until too late--being angry at him, justifiably, but also knowing you don't want to throw the whole friendship away. It's my favourite Pulp fic I've written, and I wrote it mostly in a hotel room at 12 am.

and for my writer mutuals (no pressure!): @acaciapines, @amethystunarmed, @markeronacomputer, @sherbetflowers and @lilacthebooklover!

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

Luckily, I have written at least five things! <sigh of relief>

In no particular order:

Once Was Lost - The start of it all. I still “enjoy” the feeling that the inevitable approach to the gallows gives.

To Tame A Tiger - We are all miss Blaseball, RIV, and all that. I wasn’t as active as I would’ve liked, but I’m still proud of this piece, and how it gives a bit of character to an underrepresented player.

Future Past - While Once Was Lost is the start of things, this is where a little of the meat of the story starts coming into play.

Pulling Loose The Threads - Escalation is the name of the game here, and shows a solid link to the established canon, which I’m always wary about doing.

Holiday In Eorzea - Not just a Dead Kennedys reference! This is easily the most ambitious thing I’ve written to date, and it’s far from over. The sad thing in my mind is that it comes after a lot of other parts that are yet to be written. But sometimes, stories have their time and demand it.

Thanks for the ask, @brasideios! I’ll leave the floor open for anyone else who would like, but I’d like to hear from @kosmosxipo , @mossy-kit, and @cyndakip - Talk some Spit!