#and it is specifically ~*a social beverage*~ and i think it's true to its advertising

[fereldanwench]

valerie is a tech + gun lady to her core but every time i see her with a cool katana pose I'm like... could i find a legitimate reason to also make her sword-wielding badass because damn girl

[sodapops0lstice]

Strider Husbandry Tips

Here's some tips for people who are new to the Strider Husbandry scene, i hope my advice is useful

Whilst it is true that most Strider's DO enjoy and even thrive living in smaller environments (making them great to keep if youre on a tighter budget!) it is absolutely vital that they have places to hide and sneak around in!!! it is in a Strider's very nature to be sneaky and unseen. they can become nervous and frightened if theyre too exposed or have nowhere to scurry around in. This is especially important for Strider's of the Dirk variety as they need hidey holes to survive (there have been many cases of Dirks actually DYING because they were so stressed because of their exposure), they often try to make hiding spots for themselves which results in many Dirks suffocating in air vents which they use as hiding places. I recommend making small spots for your Strider to hide in and if necessary get one of these. It simulates a Strider's natural instinct to burrow in tunnels safely and you can take it with you on travel

I hear a lot about Strider's having very specific dietary needs that is not met they could die. This is false!! This was disproven fairly recently and you can feed your Strider whatever you like really. The only hangup is learning which Strider's require apple juice or orange soda. This might seem intimidating at first due to how many different varieties and sub categories there are but generally, the rule of thumb is Aviator Shades require Apple Juice, Kamina Shades require Orange Soda. Though your Strider might prefer small tweaks in their beverage, experiment and record their reactions.

If your Strider isn't very physically affectionate do not assume they dislike you! Striders are very defensive and will likely assume at first you are a predator. Guardian and Ultimate breeds might try and hurt you whilst most others will steer clear of you. It's best to try and prove you are friend NOT foe, talk to your Strider, give them doritos and they're beverage. If that doesn't work, leave them alone for a while until they are used to your presence.

Whilst Striders are not vicious by nature it's best if you have a more aggressive variety to try and train them as soon as possible. I've known people who got themself the most aggressive breed of Strider (a Dave's Bro, or simply a Bro, if you were curious) didn't train them, used them as a bragging right and status symbol and then were surprised when they attempted to start abusing kids. It's really upsetting as a Bro can be an incredibly loyal companion if trained correctly, I've seem some, trained by the right people, having temperaments as docile as a Dave paired with a Karkat! (im not personally all that familiar with Vantas husbandry but i do know that a Dave paired with a Karkat are usually very docile to the point where some owners think they are ill or lethargic when that's just they're temperament.) If you want a more hands-on breed of Strider like a Bro be responsible and willing to put the effort in

Striders function better as units. Whilst keeping a single Strider is a totally normal and okay thing, most Striders do prefer living in groups of atleast 2 (if you can't afford/dont want multiple thats totally fine, if you aren't neglectful theyll 9/10 be happy and healthy). Within their own species, they are super social, often playing and sharing with eachother, they tend to feel safer when their is another Strider in the house. I don't think they're is an exact rhythm to which breed will get along with eachother, sometimes you just have to leave it up to whether they enjoy eachothers company or not. My only warning is, unless you can handle it, try not to get two needy breeds, they won't get jealous per se, just very VERY vocal when they aren't the center of attention, Daves are quite notorious for this behaviour, but some people find that endearing so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Try to equal out attention between any needy Strider you may have.

[comm-caribou]

Chapter One: After Effects:

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: Mental health, angst, suggestive (let me know if I miss any!)

————

On Coruscant, the capital of the grand Republic was a bar called 79’s. It was a hidden gem in the upper levels of the brightly lit city, that was commonly nicknamed the Clone Bar.

Sitting inside the dim establishment at the bar, Hardwire was listening to yet another rant from Mirage about his distaste in the new recruits.

Specifically, another ARC who was ranked Lieutenant.

“…he thinks he’s so much better than everyone,” Mirage went on, “that’s why he won’t socialize with anyone. He thinks he’s above us.”

The ARC threw his drink back in one go. He slammed his glass down on the counter, and dropped his head. The usually put together man was a mess, with his long curls fallen loose from his hair gel and into his eyes.

Hardwire did not know much of Fury. All he knew of him was rumors he heard from others. Of those rumors, they said that Fury was an angry, quick to violence ARC trooper.

Hardwire looked over at the corner booth that the supposed brutal ARC was sitting in. His company was Juliette, who was the first to speak to Fury back in the hanger a few hours before.

His General that he considered the closest thing he will ever have to a friend outside his brothers, was giggling at Fury’s reaction to eating real food for the first time. He was experiencing life outside of Kamino for the first time, and—like all brothers fresh off their home world—he was starry eyed and glowing.

“Mirage,” Hardwire clapped a hand on his back, “I love you, brother, but I don’t see it.”

Mirage rolled his dark eyes.

Hardwire looked back, smiling at how this new ARC was making his heartbroken General smile. Even if it wasn’t her true smile, it was something better than her teary eyes and faraway stares.

“Please just be nice to him,” Hardwire said, “he doesn’t have to be your favorite brother, but don’t give him Hell.”

“Fine,” Mirage got up, “but I still don’t like him.”

Hardwire watched him go, doing a scan on everyone else that was at the bar.

Cooper was teaching Coyote, Shadow, and some new boys how to do shots. Boomerang was talking to Tunnel squad, minus their Sergeant who was probably whisked away by one of the civilian patrons. As for Tracks, he was off at some other bar with all the pilots meeting Max’s partner, Tay, and their friends.

His growing small circle was accounted for, meaning he could join his General.

Hardwire picked up his glass of iced water, and made his way to the quieter, back table away from the crowds.

Fury—sipping on a carbonated beverage—looked up at him with his straw in between his teeth.

“Mind if I rejoin you?“ Hardwire asked, already sitting down across from Juliette.

“Of course, my darling,” she smiled, “I was just telling Fury about my shopping trip with Cooper.”

Fury’s gaze shifted curiously to Hardwire.

“Ah, yes,” Hardwire recalled, “you bought three dresses and a pair of high heels. Perhaps you’ll wear them when you have to make a formal appearance with the senators.”

Despite her smile, Juliette’s mouth twitched like she was forcing it to stay.

Fury’s gaze shifted back to his drink, staying quiet.

“You won’t make me go alone, right?” Juliette reached across the table for Hardwire’s hands, “please don’t make me go alone?”

Hardwire held her hands, “I won’t make you go alone, darling, I’ll be right there in a Republic issued dress suit talking to the senators all night.”

Fury was looking at their hands, brow knitted and head tilted to the side as he drank.

“Thank you!” Juliette squeezed Hardwire’s hands, “I couldn’t have asked for a better Commander than you.”

“Nor I a better General,” he replied. “And friend.”

Fury’s gaze adverted away from their hands, looking at the graffiti on the booth’s table instead.

Juliette released Hardwire’s hands, “I’ll be back, Hardwire. I just need some air, and a break from the noise.”

“Not a problem,” Hardwire watched her slip on her helmet, “do you want someone to join you?”

“No,” Juliette waved her hand, “I don’t want to ruin your fun.”

Hardwire stood, “Juliette, you’re not going to ruin anyone’s night.”

“I think it’s best I let you men enjoy your only time off,” Juliette placed her hands on his shoulders, “I’ll be fine alone.”

That wasn’t what he wanted. Hardwire tried to stay standing, but he could feel her strength pushing him back down. Reluctantly, he sat again, and watched her go with a troubled scowl on his face.

Gingerly, Fury tapped his forearm with his pointer finger.

Seriously, Hardwire turned to him, what is so wrong with this trooper that Mirage so strongly dislikes him?

Fury sat up straighter, “permission to speak freely?”

“Sure,” Hardwire leaned on his fist.

“When did he die?” Fury asked.

Hardwire had no words, he knows about Fang?

“She keeps fiddling with that necklace,” Fury played with his straw, “and she just looks… sad.”

Hardwire sighed, running his hands over his face, “he died yesterday. She was suppose to be going to dinner with him tonight.”

Fury nodded, finishing his drink, and then got up.

“Where are you going?” Hardwire called.

Fury said over his shoulder, “air.”

Hardwire knew full well that was a lie, but instead of stopping him, he was just grateful someone was going after her.

****

“Which one?” Juliette held up two dresses in her hands.

Smiling, Fang sat up from her bed he was lounging on, “how can I decide? You’ll look beautiful in both.”

Juliette rolled her eyes as Fang approached her, placing his hands on her waist as he leaned in close to steal a kiss.

He was so much better.

Nightmares weren’t as frequent, he was socializing with more brothers, and everyday he was cooking dinner for her and a few of his closest brothers.

As his lips left her’s, he softly spoke, “the blue. I haven’t seen you in it yet, so it’ll be a surprise.”

Then, he went back to kissing her like they had all the time in the world to be together.

But, they didn’t.

Rubbing her thumb on the purple stone that hung from her neck, Juliette replayed that memory in her head.

She could see it so clearly in her mind. The minute she’d meet him in that dark blue dress. His eyes would light up and his smile would not leave his face as he took her into his arms, showering her with his kind words and a thousand kisses in between each sentence.

Coyote didn’t go into details of how he died, and she couldn’t bring herself to ask him to relive watching his brother die in front of him. Even if it meant closure for her.

“Juliette?”

She had been wandering mindlessly, not paying attention to where she was going.

Snapping out of her still processing mind, she realized she had wandered into a brightly, colorfully lit street with a sleuth of people that she had been weaving through.

Gently, a hand took her’s, guiding her to the side out of the foot traffic that was passing her by.

“Hey,” the trooper’s voice said softly, “you okay?”

She looked up, meeting Max’s gaze behind her visor.

His dark curls had glitter in it, along with it smudged onto his cheeks with scattered black lipstick kisses.

She wanted to be strong, not ruining his time as she knew full well that he was having fun with his pilot brothers, his partner, and his partner’s friends. However, she felt tears springing to her eyes behind her helmet and her voice breaking before she could even find the right words.

Max lifted off her helmet, and hooked it to his own belt, “come here, you can join us.”

“I don’t…” Juliette felt a tear fall down her cheek.

“…want to ruin our time?” Max finished chuckling, “honey, a couple of the men are branching off anyways. Come sit with us. We still have Squirrel, Tag, Frenzy, and Dabbler. That new guy, Ace, might also be hanging out. I’ll even get a hold of Cosmos for you.”

“It’s okay,” Juliette wiped her cheek, “I’ll just…”

Just what? Wander around crying and wishing my boyfriend didn’t die fighting in this war he was made for?

Max squeezed both of her hands reassuringly, “want to meet Tay?”

Juliette nodded, and let Max lead her down a little path to the sound of laughter echoing up a stairwell.

Max brought her down to the first landing where she saw a few of her pilots having a impromptu picnic on the steps with enough sweets to have them all up for a week straight. Among them was a green skinned Twi’lek wearing a waiter’s suit and black lipstick.

“Juliette?” Squirrel sat up straighter, “hi.”

“Hi, Juliette,” Dabbler tiredly murmured resting on that new sleeping pilot’s shoulder.

The Twi’lek turned, gray eyes studying her before breaking into a warm smile as they rose off their step, “hi, friend.”

Max directed Juliette to sit with the pilots, then went over to the Twi’lek, “sorry, I got distracted.”

“I’m not upset, silly boy,” they answered tilting his chin up to kiss him on his forehead. “Especially with you looking so cute.”

Max smiled, stepped up a stair to steal a kiss, then rushed back up with a skip in his step.

They sat back down and turned their attention back to Juliette, and held out a hand, “I’m Tay, and you’re Juliette.”

“I heard so much about you,” Juliette forced a smile, “it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too,” Tay gently squeezed her hand, “these boys love you, and some won’t shut up about you.”

Juliette managed a small laugh, “oh, really?”

“Really.” Tag smiled, “we love you, Juliette.”

Frenzy scooted closer, cuddling into her, “loooove yooou.”

She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he hugged her tight, muttering something into her shoulder plate.

“And he’s wasted,” Tag grabbed Frenzy by his collar, “would you come here? Max will be right back with your present.”

“Yaaaaaaay,” Frenzy hugged Tag, hiccuping.

Tag rubbed his back, “so, how are you holding up, Juliette?”

“I’ve been better,” Juliette said, and nothing else.

“That’s not what I meant, love,” Tag frowned, “are you okay?”

No. How could I be?

Juliette nodded her head.

Squirrel moved next to her, “do you like bubbles?”

She blinked, turning to the scruffy, glitter sprinkled trooper beside her, “what?”

“Bubbles?” Squirrel repeated, “Frenzy likes them, are you also a fan?”

Max returned and sat back down. He handed Tay some change as he passed Tag a small bottle, smiling ear-to-ear still.

Squirrel turned to Juliette, whispering, “I’m glad you joined us. I missed you.”

Juliette felt a genuine smile return to her face, “you did?”

He nodded, “you’re my friend.”

A bubble floated between them, and her attention turned back to the others. Frenzy was happily blowing bubbles, practically giggling as the soap spheres floated off.

“You fellas sure are silly,” Tay remarked.

“We’re aware, my love,” Max turned to Tay with a soft smile, “and?”

They placed their hand on his collar, pulling him closer, “you’re my favorite, silly pilot.”

Max leaned in, and Juliette had to look away.

No more kissing for me.

Squirrel lifted her chin, swiping under her cheek.

She didn’t realize she was silently crying.

****

“She’s with some of our pilots.” Fury said into Hardwire’s comm, “I’m heading back to the barracks.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Hardwire answered, “get some sleep.”

The comm channel closed out, and Hardwire leaned back against the outside wall overlooking his tipsy brothers being corralled out of 79’s by their sober companions.

On his side, sitting against the wall was Tracks. His number one pilot had returned to him, and was sharing little ball shaped pastries that practically melted on his tongue.

“Max’s partner made these?” Hardwire said.

Tracks nodded, licking his fingers.

“Is Tay a baker?” Hardwire took another.

“Should be,” Tracks croaked.

Hardwire smiled, “I’m so glad you can talk again. Even if it’s only in small sentences for now.”

Tracks held a finger to his lips, hushing him with a wink.

Hardwire chuckled, popping another treat in his mouth.

Less than a hundred days was the last time he heard his brother’s voice. Less than a hundred days ago, their former General did something that made his voice go away. Less than a hundred days ago, they first met Juliette Trix.

In just those days, his whole life changed for the better. A better he didn’t think any clone trooper could ever have.

Especially with his lousy luck.

“Hi,” Boomerang plopped down with them, “I was looking for Mirage, but you two will do.”

“You just want food,” Hardwire remarked.

“No,” Boomerang wrapped his arms around his knees, “I’m just tired.”

“Too much to drink?” Hardwire asked.

Boomerang nodded, “I’m just going to sit here and close my eyes until Mirage comes over.”

“Where’d he go?” Hardwire asked.

“You don’t want to know,” Tracks shot Boomerang a warning look.

Boomerang rolled his eyes, “the Commander is a big boy. He can handle knowing about adult activities.”

Hardwire thought for a moment, confused by the phrase.

“Vod,” Boomerang laughed, “Mirage is getting some.”

“Some what?” Hardwire asked.

“Laid.” Boomerang face palmed, “have you not paid attention in our sex education classes?”

Hardwire felt his face flush, “our what classes?”

Tracks handed Hardwire the whole rest of the sweets, as Boomerang hysterically laughed at his lack of knowing.

Hardwire shyly ate another pastry, wondering if he was blushing as badly as Juliette does.

****

Her cheeks were burning as she laughed, so hard she couldn’t suppress a snort.

Squirrel was laughing at himself, as he recounted for her how Max met Tay. If it weren’t for her having Rani, she’d probably not know what rainbows represented to the LGBTAQ+ community either.

The others pilots went off to get snacks, leaving the two of them be.

She was relieved not having to watch Tay and Max be cute together. She was happy for them, and liked them together, but seeing how they looked at each other brought her back to Fang.

Squirrel turned to her, studying her with a soft look.

“Yes?” Juliette asked.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Squirrel said, “but I know you haven’t said much about it.”

Juliette took a breath, and let out a shaky sigh.

“I really was looking forward to these next three days,” Juliette wiped her eyes, “I made reservations for this restaurant tomorrow, and I still haven’t canceled it. We were going to go on a real date!”

She held her face, trying to keep the tears at bay a little longer.

“Juliette,” Squirrel rubbed her arms, “it’s okay. You can cry in front of me.”

“I…” a sob got caught in her throat, “why did this happen? They were just scouting!”

Squirrel moved down a step, looking up at her, “it’s not fair, and it was something that doesn’t typically happen. I know this isn’t the right thing to say, but you got to keep going on with your life without him.”

Juliette cried, “how?“

Squirrel thought for a moment, then suggested, “when you’re ready, go on dates? Maybe connect with friends? Just don’t shut us out and get locked up in that pretty head of yours.”

“No.” Juliette shook her head, “no way. I’m never going to go out with anyone ever again because they’re going to die and I’m going to have to do this again!”

Squirrel caressed her face, “look at me, Juliette.”

Juliette looked into his dark eyes, fighting back another break down.

“I promise you, someone is going to come into your life and sweep you off your feet,” Squirrel brushed her cheek, “you’ll fall in love all over again, and while you’ll always remember Fang, you’ll be able to look back on your time together and no longer cry.”

Juliette felt her face burning.

When did Squirrel become so sensitive?

“We’re back,” Max called from around the corner.

Squirrel released her face, “I’m telling you, someone is out there just for you. You’ll see.”

****

Hardwire rounded up his troops, herding them off to the barracks to get some sleep. Once he knew all his men were in bed, he’d be able to sleep well.

Boomerang lingered by his side, looking around for Mirage still.

“Do you think he’s spending the night?” Hardwire asked, that’s a thing, right?

“Nope,” Boomerang answered, “Mirage does this every time. He goes off, gets laid, then comes and whines to me about how he regrets getting laid.”

“Odd.” Hardwire commented.

As the word left his lips, Mirage came out of an alley, snacking on some trail mix.

“Did you latest hookup buy you that?” Boomerang teased.

Mirage shook his head, “I’m done with that stuff. Used some of the credits I had left over to buy a snack and was people watching.”

“Really?” Boomerang seemed unconvinced.

“Really.” Mirage insisted, “been watching couples all night.”

“Okay,” Boomerang snorted.

Mirage rolled his eyes, offering Hardwire some food.

“I’m good,” Hardwire did a last count, everyone is accounted for but Tunnel squad.

Boomerang pouted, “I like food.”

“Relax, vod,” Mirage chuckled, “I’m giving you the rest.”

Boomerang took the bag, smiling, “this is why you’re my favorite.”

“I’m your favorite for several reasons,” Mirage wrapped an arm around him, “so, where’s Juliette?”

“Wandered off to join her pilots,” Hardwire told him, and I’m not telling you how I know that.

****

When the men go on leave, Jedi usually returned to the Temple to do more training, meditation, or step back from the war.

For Juliette, she couldn’t do that. Instead, she just returned back to Naval ship of the Stormrider where the 952nd’s Navy soldiers had also decided to return to.

“General,” Captain Stickler politely nodded, as she passed him.

“Captain,” she offered a smile, but was sure it didn’t meet her eyes.

A part of her hoped the Navy Captain would stop, maybe ask her if she was okay or if she needed a hug. However, Stickler continued on with his inspection and a little mouse droid zipping around his feet like a pet.

She made her way to the ships’ barracks, seeing a few of the men’s doors open to air out the stench while they’re off sleeping elsewhere, including the Commander’s quarters.

Curiously, she glanced in their barracks as she past.

As she suspected, it was bunks freshly made with new, clean sheets and posters on their walls of pretty girls of various species.

She wondered which bunk had been Fang’s, and who slept by him. She always imagined Fang sleeping close to Coyote, maybe in bunks next to each other so they could continue their chats well into the night.

I hope Coyote is coping okay, Juliette thought, moving onto her own quarters with its doors shut.

She entered her room, looking towards her bed.

Another wave of nostalgia hitting her, bringing tears to her eyes.

“What if there’s no happy ending for us?” Fang asked tracing her nose with his finger, “what if this is all the time we get together?”

Juliette found it to be impossible at the time. The universe wouldn’t be so cruel to take her mother, father, and first love away by death. If Fang was not meant to be her’s, they’re break up and still be friends. The two would be happy for each other when someone new came into their separate lives, and smile fondly back at their past relationship as they moved forward with living.

Tears began falling from Juliette’s eyes.

The universe was cruel, and it did rip him away from her so suddenly like her parents. She’d move on, and Fang would remain resting on a battlefield somewhere to rot away.

“I see someone who needs their best friend.”

Juliette turned around, relieved to see through her misty vision Cosmos with glittered skin and armor, arms wide open.

She managed a weak smile, before breaking into heavy sobs as she ran into his arms.

[dankusner]

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"Milestones"

I crawled through the forest of Tennessee / All on my hands and knees

Not seeing the wood for the trees / Till I got to Los Angeles

First thing that I learned at the juncture / Evil is not my true nature

So even though you drove me to terror / I don't have to be that her I don't have to be that she / This is where I get to be me

This is where you don't get to make me / This is where you don't get to create me

I slept outside in the dog shed / Because you wouldn't let me keep my iPad

I've had less rights as a woman / Then the dog is my eternal form

And it remains the same / Yes it remains the same Let's start with the name / You can shove it where you keep all your pain

I drove through the graveyards of Dixon / Of which there are still black and white ones

What a thing to happen in the nation / Even in death, segregation

One day we'll sit with our maker / Discuss over biscuits and soda

Which one of you and me was braver / Which one of us was a true soldier?

With his ten working principles for a healthy society, Dr. Phil provides the tools for mainstream America to fight back against the forces of division with sensible and urgently needed advice supported by the latest social, medical, and psychological findings.

(It is helpful to arrive with this confirmation, but not required.) Please arrive between 8:00 – 8:15 AM Central Standard Time.   Your spots are only guaranteed until the above time – so plan accordingly for heavy traffic!  Taping will last until approximately 1:30 PM Central Standard Time.     PRODUCTION POLICIES:  AGE LIMIT: All guests must be 16 years of age or older. All guests under 18 must have an adult guardian.  Please dress appropriately in dark business attire.  DRESS TO IMPRESS. Please avoid logos, busy patterns, and bright clothing as it does not show well on camera. Shorts, T-shirts, jeans, and hats are NOT permitted. A jacket or sweater is suggested as it is cold in the studio. Remember - DRESS TO IMPRESS!  The entire experience will last 5-6 hours, including check-in and two episode tapings. You will be expected to stay for BOTH episodes unless otherwise noted. There will be a break between episodes, during which we will provide a light snack and beverage (but feel free to bring any provisions of your own).  We encourage you to bring your cell phones, cameras, and electronic devices to take photos of the new and exciting “Dr. Phil Experience”! They will then be collected before walking to the stage. Weapons, knives, backpacks, laptops etc. are NOT permitted inside the building. YOU MUST LEAVE THEM IN YOUR VEHICLE.     ALL TAPINGS ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE OR CANCELLATION.    LOCATION and PARKING:  The studio entrance is at 5501 Alliance Gateway Freeway, Fort Worth, TX 76177 (just south of Roanoke).  Free parking is available at the studio. There will be signs to follow to the audience entrance.  *** If anyone in your party requires special accommodation to attend Dr Phil Primetime, please contact us ASAP so that appropriate arrangements can be made. (Persons with special needs may include guests with an impairment or disability who require reserved wheelchair-accessible seating and/or companion seating.) ***

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Do you think mainstream America needs to find its voice? If so, you’re not alone. The country is under attack by extremists at the fringes who put ideology before sanity and stoke division for their own gain. They are trying to rob America of its common sense and deny empirical truths, and we’re all suffering the consequences.

In We’ve Got Issues: How You Can Stand Strong for America’s Soul and Sanity, Dr. Phil employs his signature no-nonsense approach to analyze America’s cultural crisis and offers practical, empirically based, action-oriented strategies to restore and support our country’s collective mental health.

This compelling work combines a brutally honest look at the sustained attack on the core values that have defined America at its best and offers prescriptive guidance on what you can do in your own life to stop the madness. With his ten working principles for a healthy society, Dr. Phil provides the tools for mainstream America to fight back against the forces of division with sensible and urgently needed advice supported by the latest social, medical, and psychological findings.

Dr. Phil demystifies the “tyranny of the fringe” and deconstructs their assault on the principles that made our nation prosperous, free, and powerful. With the hard-earned wisdom of years spent working with Americans of all backgrounds, Dr. Phil charts a course from cancel culture to counsel culture, from fear to acceptance, from victimhood to community, and from the tyranny of the fringe to a more civil society where we heal our divides and every one of us decides to be who we are on purpose. Dr. Phil is here to show us how.

"I meet the psychiatrist at the trunk of his car as I’m stomping back from the garden toward my room. He offers me a fig bar. What the fuck does a rocker want a fig bar for? Is he crazier than me? I tell him, “No thank you, fig bars are for hippies.”

[autumnalwalker]

A Dream About Digital Resurrection

I am told that I am a scanned and reconstructed copy of the mind who has now been brought online far, far in the future from the age that I remember (or at least think I remember) as being the present.  I am then told I will have to work until I can pay off the cost of the resources that went into creating me until I can buy my freedom.  They stick my digital mind into a vending machine so that customers can have “a more personalized and personable ordering experience.”  This explanation rings false when I find that, while I have a camera and microphone to perceive my immediate vicinity,  I can only “speak” in the form of text displayed on a screen on the front of the vending machine.  It is arbitrary cruelty, nothing more.  The fact that I had believed humanity would be better than this in the future makes me despair even more than being trapped inside an inanimate object.

But at the end of the day I am powerless to object or change my situation, so I try to make the best of it and hope that the promise of eventual freedom and a proper body isn’t a lie.  I do my best to be friendly with my customers, and over time I learn enough about the surrounding city blocks that I can (as far as I can tell) provide navigational assistance to passersby in addition to snacks and beverages.  I even have a few regulars that I manage to strike up enough conversation with that something approaching friendship forms.  

Perhaps the most notable of my regulars are the half dozen or so men that almost always arrive in a group.  They are all parenting the same child - whom I never meet but hear much of - and all consider themselves to be the boy’s fathers.  With this era’s technology, that may well be the case genetically and not just socially.  There is never mention of a mother.  At any rate, it is clear that they are all devoted to one another and care deeply for their son.  Sometimes they all fuse into a multi-headed flying dragon.  Or they arrive in that form and split apart to place their orders.

One day an old man shows up and takes great offense at my apparent acceptance of the injustice of this world; of the injustice that has been done to me specifically.  He gets violent and starts shaking the vending machine my mind is trapped in.  The next thing I know I am now inhabiting a gardening implement being wielded by the old man.  I am terrified at the realization that my life is quite literally in his hands.  I begin begging him not to delete me.  He has not indicated that he intends to do any such thing, but he has already shown himself to be erratic and violent.  He turns me off and when I awake again I am now in a mannequin-like body.  The cheapest humanoid body one can find I suppose.  Probably pre-used.  The old man seems convinced that I’ve bought into propaganda and accepted the system that would reduce me to a mere object, and this is his way of giving me a wakeup call to see how the world really is.

I know I should be ecstatic at my newfound freedom but all I feel is yet another wave of fears.  I’ve broken the contract I was forced into.  I’ll be hunted down.  Destroyed.  The old man tells me that the ones in charge who created me and put me in a vending machine won’t even notice.  They don’t care.  They’ve never cared.  I’m that insignificant to them.

It clicks for me that what the old man did to me was not a true transfer, but a copying of files from one machine to another.  He admits to it.  There are two of me now.  The one still in the vending machine and the one of me in this mobile mannequin.  The transfer from gardening implements to my current body was a true transfer and not a copy.

The me with a body finds the vending machine me, and begins speaking in code, name dropping friends from my old life in a past age that only I could possibly remember.  In this way, I fill myself in on what happened and promise to find and aid myself when my objectified indenture reaches its end.

On another occasion, a hacker does something to the me in the vending machine that allows my digital mind to roam this new world’s equivalent to the internet.  I find myself projecting my consciousness into an unoccupied home owned by someone very rich that I have infiltrated and using that home’s hologram systems to play at having a body once again.  I do still have to be careful to keep a part of my attention to the vending machine and my customers there, lest it become known that my mind is, quite literally, elsewhere.  A biker gang comes to vandalize this unguarded vacation home and they mistake me for a fellow anarchist and invite me to join them.  I awkwardly turn down their invitation, citing my inability to ride a motorcycle (or whatever one calls their futuristic analogues to such vehicles) and making vague references to a job I have to keep.  They begin to get suspicious at the dodginess of my answers and, with much embarrassment, I confess that I’m a vending machine and not actually here.  They find it rad that I’m still rebelling against the system and breaking into rich assholes’ private home networks when stuck in such a state.  I had never thought of it that way.  Soon, my holographic avatar has its own bell-sleeved pink-and-silver jacket, marking me as part of the gang.

Eventually I learn that the one responsible for and ruling over this cybernetic capitalist hellscape is yet another version of me.

[marketingprofitmedia]

CPA Marketing FREE Traffic Method, $150–300 Per Day (Step By Step Guide)

Hello prospective online business owners! Are you sick and tired of seeing individuals enjoy their greatest life while you’re stifled in the never-ending 9-to-5 grind as you read through your social media feeds? So, guess what? You can escape the confines of your humdrum routine and possibly make some substantial money with a secret weapon I’ve got for you. Welcome to the untamed world of CPA marketing, where we’re about to unleash a free traffic technique that can make you a nice $150–300 every day. And believe me when I say that this isn’t your typical “get rich quick” gimmick. Buckle up because we’re about to go on an educational (and a little hilarious) step-by-step trip to CPA success!

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Now, I know what you’re thinking. CPA marketing? Is that some kind of complex, mind-bending equation that only the brightest mathematical minds can decipher? Fear not, my friend! CPA stands for Cost Per Action, and it’s a simple concept that lets you earn a commission by getting people to complete specific actions, like filling out a form or making a purchase. But here’s the best part: We’re going to tackle this beast without spending a dime on traffic. That’s right, folks — free traffic all the way!

But before we dive into the nitty-gritty of this marvelous money-making method, let me assure you that this is not another run-of-the-mill guide filled with generic advice. Oh no, we’re going to infuse some personality and humor into the mix because who said learning has to be boring? So, get ready to laugh, learn, and liberate yourself from the clutches of a mundane existence as we embark on this epic CPA marketing adventure together. Trust me, it’ll be one hell of a ride!

So, grab a cup of coffee (or your preferred caffeinated beverage) and get comfy because it’s time to turn your online dreams into a reality. Let’s get started on our journey to making $150–300 per day with CPA marketing, one hilarious step at a time!

Step 1: Knowing CPA Marketing

CPA marketing, my friend, is like the cool kid on the block of digital marketing. It’s all about earning those sweet commissions by getting people to take specific actions. Think of it as being the puppet master, pulling the strings and making money with each dance move your audience makes. Sounds intriguing, doesn’t it? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to unravel the secrets of this fascinating world, sprinkled with a dash of humor and a whole lot of knowledge.

Step 2: Importance of Free Traffic in CPA Marketing

Free traffic is the CPA industry’s coveted goal. When you can use the strength of free, organic traffic, why spend money on advertisements? It is comparable to receiving free tickets to the front row of a major motion picture. Prepare yourself to discover how to draw throngs of curious people without spending a fortune. My friend, let’s make it rain money!

Step 3: Researching Profitable Niches and CPA Offers

Finding the perfect niche and profitable CPA offers is like searching for hidden treasure in a vast ocean of opportunities. We’ll don our detective hats, armed with wit and humor, to uncover those lucrative gems that’ll have your bank account doing a happy dance. Let’s get sleuthing, shall we?

Step 4: Effective Free Traffic Methods for CPA Marketing

Forget paid ads, my friend! We’re diving headfirst into the world of free traffic methods that’ll make your CPA marketing dreams come true. From social media wizardry to SEO sorcery, we’ll equip you with the tools and tactics to attract droves of eager visitors, all without spending a penny. Let’s unleash the magic!

Step 5: Implementing the Step-by-Step CPA Marketing Strategy

Now that we’ve gathered the knowledge, it’s time to put our plan into action. We’ll navigate the twists and turns of this step-by-step CPA marketing strategy, sprinkled with humor and expert guidance. Get ready to execute like a boss and watch those earnings soar! Let’s make magic happen!

Step 6: Tips for Maximizing Earnings and Scaling Up

You’ve dipped your toes into the world of CPA marketing, but now it’s time to dive deeper and unlock the secrets to maximizing your earnings and scaling up your success. We’ll share expert tips, laced with humor, to help you level up and watch those dollar signs multiply. Let’s conquer the CPA kingdom!

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Knowing CPA Marketing

When it comes to understanding CPA (Cost Per Action) marketing, there are several key tips that can help you succeed in this field. Here are some important points to keep in mind:

Choose the right CPA network: There are many CPA networks available, so it’s essential to select one that offers a wide range of high-quality offers in your niche. Look for networks that have a good reputation, timely payments, and reliable tracking systems.

Understand your target audience: To effectively promote CPA offers, you need to know who your target audience is and what they are interested in. Conduct thorough market research to identify their demographics, interests, and needs. This will help you tailor your marketing efforts to appeal to them specifically.

Select the right CPA offers: Not all CPA offers are created equal. Look for offers that align with your target audience’s interests and provide value to them. Consider the payout rates, conversion rates, and the reputation of the offer before promoting it.

Drive targeted traffic: The success of CPA marketing depends on driving targeted traffic to your offers. Focus on attracting users who are genuinely interested in the offer and more likely to complete the desired action. You can use various methods like SEO, social media marketing, paid advertising, content marketing, and email marketing to generate traffic.

Optimize your campaigns: Continuously monitor and optimize your CPA campaigns to improve their performance. Track key metrics such as click-through rates (CTRs), conversion rates, and earnings per click (EPC). Test different ad creatives, landing pages, and targeting strategies to identify what works best for your audience.

Build trust and credibility: Trust is crucial in CPA marketing. Provide valuable content, be transparent, and deliver on your promises. Building trust with your audience will increase their willingness to take action on your offers and enhance your long-term success.

Stay updated and adapt: The CPA marketing landscape is constantly evolving. Stay updated with the latest trends, strategies, and changes in the industry. Be ready to adapt your approach and explore new opportunities as they arise.

Compliance with regulations: Ensure that you comply with all applicable laws and regulations, especially regarding advertising, data privacy, and disclosure requirements. Non-compliance can lead to legal issues and damage your reputation.

Remember that CPA marketing requires patience, persistence, and continuous learning. It may take time to find the winning formula for your campaigns, but with the right strategies and consistent effort, you can achieve success in this field.

Importance of Free Traffic in CPA Marketing

Free traffic plays a crucial role in CPA marketing as it allows you to generate leads and conversions without incurring any direct advertising costs. Here are some key tips highlighting the importance of free traffic in CPA marketing:

Cost-effectiveness: One of the main advantages of free traffic is that it doesn’t require you to invest money in advertising campaigns. Instead, you utilize various organic methods to drive traffic to your CPA offers. This cost-effectiveness allows you to maximize your profit margins and minimize your expenses.

Long-term sustainability: Paid advertising can be effective, but it often relies on a continuous budget to maintain traffic flow. Free traffic methods, on the other hand, have the potential for long-term sustainability. By focusing on building organic traffic sources, such as search engine optimization (SEO), content marketing, social media engagement, and email marketing, you can create a steady stream of traffic that persists even if you reduce or eliminate your advertising budget.

Diversification of traffic sources: Relying solely on paid traffic can make your CPA campaigns vulnerable to sudden changes in advertising platforms or algorithms. By incorporating free traffic methods, you diversify your traffic sources, reducing the risk of losing all your traffic if one source is disrupted. This diversification enhances the stability and resilience of your CPA marketing efforts.

Relationship building: Free traffic methods often involve building relationships with your audience. Whether it’s through creating valuable content, engaging on social media, or nurturing an email list, these methods allow you to establish trust and credibility with your audience. Building strong relationships can lead to higher conversion rates and repeat actions, boosting your overall CPA campaign performance.

Sustainable growth: While paid advertising can provide quick bursts of traffic, free traffic methods can contribute to sustainable growth over time. By consistently implementing effective SEO strategies, creating high-quality content, and engaging with your target audience, you can gradually increase your website’s authority, visibility, and organic traffic. This steady growth can have a compounding effect, leading to increased conversions and earnings in the long run.

Adaptability and scalability: Free traffic methods are often more adaptable and scalable than paid advertising. You have the flexibility to experiment with different strategies, optimize your campaigns based on real-time data, and adjust your approach as needed. As you gain insights into what works best for your audience, you can scale up your efforts and replicate successful strategies across multiple channels.

It’s important to note that while free traffic methods don’t require direct monetary investments, they do require an investment of time, effort, and expertise. Consistent implementation, monitoring, and optimization are key to maximizing the effectiveness of your free traffic strategies in CPA marketing.

Researching Profitable Niches and CPA Offers

Researching profitable niches and CPA offers is a critical step in CPA marketing. Here are some key tips to help you in this process:

Identify your interests and expertise: Start by considering your own interests, hobbies, and areas of expertise. Choosing a niche that aligns with your knowledge and passion can make it easier for you to understand the target audience and create compelling content. It’s also important to consider the market demand and potential profitability of the niche.

Conduct market research: Thorough market research is essential to identify profitable niches and CPA offers. Use various tools and resources to analyze market trends, competition, and consumer behavior. Look for niches that have a substantial audience, strong demand, and relatively low competition.

Evaluate CPA networks and offers: Research different CPA networks to find the ones that offer relevant and high-quality offers in your chosen niche. Consider factors such as payout rates, conversion rates, offer restrictions, and network reputation. Look for offers that align with the interests and needs of your target audience.

Analyze competition: Analyzing your competitors can provide valuable insights into successful niches and offers. Identify the top players in your chosen niche and examine their strategies, website content, social media presence, and promotional techniques. This analysis can help you identify gaps, differentiate yourself, and uncover untapped opportunities.

Keyword research: Keyword research is crucial for optimizing your content and driving organic traffic. Use keyword research tools to identify relevant keywords with a high search volume and relatively low competition. Incorporate these keywords into your content strategy to improve your visibility in search engine results.

Consider target audience demographics: Understanding your target audience is vital for selecting profitable niches and offers. Determine the demographics, interests, preferences, and pain points of your target audience. This information will guide you in choosing offers that address their specific needs and motivations.

Evaluate profitability potential: Assess the profitability potential of your chosen niche and CPA offers. Consider factors such as the average commission per conversion, the conversion rate, and the estimated volume of potential traffic. Look for niches and offers that have a good balance of profitability and market demand.

Test and iterate: Keep in mind that research is an ongoing process, and not all niches and offers will be successful. Test different niches, offers, and marketing strategies to gauge their performance. Monitor key metrics such as conversion rates, earnings per click (EPC), and return on investment (ROI). Based on the results, refine your approach and make data-driven decisions to maximize your profitability.

Remember that niche selection and offer research require a combination of creativity, data analysis, and market understanding. It’s important to stay updated with industry trends, consumer behavior, and changes in the CPA market to adapt your strategies effectively.

My Best Recommended & Proven Way to Make $100 Daily — Watch THIS FREE Training to START >>

Effective Free Traffic Methods for CPA Marketing

When it comes to generating free traffic for CPA marketing, there are several effective methods you can employ. Here are some key tips to help you leverage these methods:

Search Engine Optimization (SEO): SEO is a powerful strategy to drive organic traffic to your CPA offers. Optimize your website and content for relevant keywords, create high-quality and informative content, and focus on building backlinks from reputable sources. This will improve your search engine rankings and increase visibility in search results.

Content Marketing: Create valuable and engaging content that resonates with your target audience. Publish blog posts, articles, videos, infographics, or podcasts that provide useful information, solve problems, or entertain your audience. Share your content on social media platforms, forums, and relevant communities to attract traffic and build your brand authority.

Social Media Marketing: Leverage the power of social media platforms to promote your CPA offers. Identify the platforms where your target audience is most active and create engaging profiles. Share relevant content, interact with your audience, and participate in relevant communities. Consider running contests, giveaways, or collaborations with influencers to boost engagement and attract more traffic.

Email Marketing: Build an email list by offering valuable incentives such as ebooks, guides, or exclusive content. Nurture your subscribers by sending regular newsletters, personalized recommendations, and targeted promotions. Include links to your CPA offers in your email campaigns to drive traffic and encourage conversions.

Guest Blogging: Identify authoritative blogs or websites in your niche and reach out to them for guest blogging opportunities. Contribute high-quality content that provides value to their audience. Include links to your own website or CPA offers within the content or author bio. This can generate referral traffic, enhance your credibility, and expand your reach.

Online Communities and Forums: Engage with online communities and forums relevant to your niche. Provide helpful insights, answer questions, and participate in discussions. Establish yourself as an authority and include links to your website or relevant CPA offers in your forum signature or responses. This can drive targeted traffic to your offers.

Influencer Marketing: Collaborate with influencers in your niche who have a significant following. They can promote your CPA offers to their audience through sponsored posts, reviews, or endorsements. Ensure that the influencer’s audience aligns with your target market to maximize the impact of your campaigns.

Viral Marketing: Create compelling and shareable content that has the potential to go viral. This could be in the form of videos, memes, interactive quizzes, or contests. Encourage users to share the content with their networks, which can lead to a significant increase in traffic and exposure to your CPA offers.

Remember to track and analyze the performance of each free traffic method using analytics tools. This will help you identify which strategies are driving the most traffic and conversions, allowing you to optimize your efforts for better results.

Implementing the Step-by-Step CPA Marketing Strategy

Implementing a step-by-step CPA marketing strategy requires careful planning and execution. Here are some key tips to help you effectively implement this strategy:

Define your goals: Clearly define your goals and objectives for your CPA marketing campaign. Are you aiming for a specific number of conversions, a target revenue, or a certain ROI? Setting specific and measurable goals will guide your strategy and allow you to track your progress.

Select your niche and offers: Conduct thorough research to identify a profitable niche and choose relevant CPA offers. Consider the interests and needs of your target audience, as well as the potential profitability and competition of the niche and offers. Ensure that the offers align with your chosen niche and have a good track record of performance.

Build your online presence: Establish a professional online presence to attract and engage with your target audience. Create a user-friendly website or landing page that provides valuable content and information related to your niche. Optimize your website for SEO, and consider incorporating lead generation forms to capture visitor information for future marketing efforts.

Generate targeted traffic: Implement various traffic generation strategies to drive targeted traffic to your CPA offers. This can include a combination of free methods such as SEO, content marketing, social media marketing, and email marketing, as well as paid methods like PPC (Pay-Per-Click) advertising or influencer collaborations. Focus on attracting users who are likely to be interested in your offers and have a higher probability of converting.

Optimize your landing pages: Create compelling and optimized landing pages for your CPA offers. Ensure that the landing pages are well-designed, have clear and concise copy, and include a strong call-to-action (CTA) that encourages visitors to take the desired action. A/B test different variations of your landing pages to identify the most effective elements for maximizing conversions.

Track and analyze performance: Utilize tracking tools and analytics to monitor the performance of your CPA marketing campaigns. Track important metrics such as click-through rates (CTRs), conversion rates, earnings per click (EPC), and return on investment (ROI). This data will help you identify which campaigns and offers are performing well and where adjustments need to be made.

Continuously optimize and refine: Regularly review and analyze the performance data to optimize your campaigns. Identify any underperforming areas or bottlenecks, and make necessary adjustments to improve results. Test different variations of your campaigns, such as ad creatives, targeting strategies, and landing page elements, to find the winning combination that drives the highest conversions.

Scale and expand: Once you have a successful CPA marketing campaign, consider scaling up your efforts. Increase your budget for paid advertising, expand your reach to new traffic sources, or explore additional niches and offers within your market. Continuously seek opportunities for growth and expansion while maintaining a focus on profitability and ROI.

Remember, implementing a successful CPA marketing strategy requires patience, persistence, and continuous learning. Monitor industry trends, stay updated with the latest marketing techniques, and adapt your strategies as needed to stay ahead of the competition.

Tips for Maximizing Earnings and Scaling Up

Maximizing earnings and scaling up your CPA marketing efforts require a strategic approach and continuous optimization. Here are some key tips to help you in this process:

Analyze and optimize your campaigns: Regularly analyze the performance of your campaigns and identify areas for improvement. Monitor key metrics such as conversion rates, earnings per click (EPC), and return on investment (ROI). Test different variations of your campaigns, including ad creatives, landing pages, and targeting strategies, to identify what works best for your audience. Continuously optimize your campaigns based on the data and insights you gather.

Focus on high-converting offers: Identify the offers that consistently generate higher conversions and prioritize them in your marketing efforts. Monitor the performance of different CPA offers and identify the ones with higher payouts, better conversion rates, and less competition. By focusing on high-converting offers, you can maximize your earnings and profitability.

Scale up successful campaigns: Once you have identified successful campaigns, consider scaling them up. Increase your budget for paid advertising or expand your reach through additional traffic sources. However, ensure that you closely monitor the performance as you scale up to maintain a positive ROI. Keep optimizing and refining your campaigns as you scale to maintain their effectiveness.

Diversify your traffic sources: Relying solely on one traffic source can be risky. Diversify your traffic sources to minimize dependence on any single platform or channel. Explore different avenues such as search engine traffic, social media, content marketing, email marketing, and influencer collaborations. Diversifying your traffic sources helps reduce the impact of any changes or disruptions that may occur in a single source.

Build and leverage your audience: Focus on building a loyal and engaged audience. Encourage visitors to join your email list, follow you on social media, or subscribe to your content. Nurturing your audience allows you to develop a relationship with them, establish trust, and generate repeat conversions. Leverage your audience by promoting relevant CPA offers to them and providing valuable content that encourages them to take action.

Explore new niches and offers: Don’t be afraid to explore new niches and offers within your market. Conduct research and identify emerging trends or underserved segments that present new opportunities. By expanding your portfolio of niches and offers, you can tap into additional revenue streams and increase your earnings potential.

Collaborate with other marketers: Collaborating with other marketers in your niche can help you reach a wider audience and increase your exposure. Explore joint ventures, co-promotions, or affiliate partnerships that allow you to leverage each other’s strengths and expand your reach. This collaboration can lead to increased traffic, conversions, and earnings.

Stay updated and adapt: The landscape of CPA marketing is constantly evolving. Stay updated with the latest industry trends, changes in consumer behavior, and new marketing techniques. Adapt your strategies accordingly and embrace new opportunities that arise. Being proactive and staying ahead of the curve will give you a competitive advantage and maximize your earnings potential.

Remember, maximizing earnings and scaling up your CPA marketing efforts require a combination of ongoing optimization, strategic decision-making, and a willingness to explore new opportunities. Continuously monitor, analyze, and adapt your campaigns to ensure long-term success.

Conclusion

Our step-by-step tutorial on using FREE traffic sources for CPA marketing and making $150–300 per day has come to an end. By putting the tactics described in this manual into practice, you’ll be well on your way to becoming financially successful and realizing the full potential of CPA marketing.

Throughout this journey, we explored the importance of researching profitable niches and CPA offers, implementing effective free traffic methods, and optimizing your campaigns for maximum conversions. By conducting thorough market research, understanding your target audience, and creating valuable content, you’ve laid a solid foundation for success.

Remember, the key to maximizing your earnings lies in continuous optimization and refinement. Regularly monitor the performance of your campaigns, analyze the data, and make data-driven decisions to improve your results. Keep testing different variations, exploring new niches and offers, and diversifying your traffic sources to stay ahead of the competition and scale up your earnings.

As you navigate the world of CPA marketing, stay updated with the latest industry trends and adapt your strategies accordingly. The landscape of online marketing is constantly evolving, and by staying proactive and embracing new opportunities, you can position yourself for long-term success.

Now it’s time to put your knowledge into action and start implementing the strategies outlined in this guide. With dedication, persistence, and a willingness to learn from both successes and failures, you have the potential to achieve your financial goals and create a sustainable income stream through CPA marketing.

Best of luck on your CPA marketing journey, and may your earnings soar as you harness the power of FREE traffic methods!

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Source : CPA Marketing FREE Traffic Method, $150–300 Per Day (Step By Step Guide)

Thanks for reading my article on “CPA Marketing FREE Traffic Method, $150–300 Per Day (Step By Step Guide)“, hope it will help!

[littleoanh]

Albie may I request something 🥺 It can be Mikey or Hanma from Tokyo Revengers - whichever is easier for you and x reader. Cat and mouse kinda themed where reader is a cop/detective chasing them around with increasing “totally not sexual tension” each time they meet and he gets investigated. I don’t know why I want this - but I do.

Also sorry if this is dumb and I’m not very clear. I’m sleep deprived now and also I never know exactly what I want ever. 😭😭😭😭

A/N: LEEEEEE!! MY DARLING ❤️, of course you can request something from me 🥺. I remembered your favorite version of Mikey is Manila Mikey and instantly my brain came up with the perfect title and got a storyline. This is not dumb, this is brillant!! I hope you enjoy this :DDD (my triple chins 😂).

Catch Me If You Can

Characters: Manila!Mikey x Detective!Reader (no pronouns used)

Warnings: Cursing, mention of murder (not by reader), alcohol consumption, some sexual tension (subtle flirting and touching), mentions of tear gas (reader not affected), chase scenes, making out, small bit of sexual fantasy, implied stalking, manga spoiler and angst ending. 

Like, reblogging, and kind comments are appreciated.

You are a well known private detective, who helps on cases that the police force can’t solve by themselves. At first, you reject Izumi because you are well aware how unattainable Mikey is. Why chase something impossible? But you changed your mind when a pattern in Mikey's sightings was discovered. Izumi left a file of what the police had gathered on Mikey. The photos from street security cameras have dates on the bottom left corner. It appears Mikey comes to this particular cafe on the third Thursday of the month at a specific time. 

He should be here. Your eyes remain staring at your phone, pretending to read something. Each time the doors open, you use your peripherals to see if the incoming customer has black hair. No, it’s a woman.

He should be here. Your eyes remain staring at your phone, pretending to read something. Each time the doors open, you use your peripherals to see if the incoming customer has black hair. No, it’s a woman.

This is the second month you have staked out the place. Why isn’t he here yet? Did you misread the pattern? Or was it just pure coincidence Mikey just “happens” to be here to trick the police? Feeling stumped, you give another fifteen minutes to see if he would come… but he never shows up. Damn, you finish drinking your beverage and step outside of the cafe. 

Lost in your thoughts, trying to think of the next steps, “Psst!” Your eyes flicker in an alleyway and spot a familiar face. “Detective.” Akito, your most trusty informant gestures for you to come over. 

Quietly and swiftly, you slip into the alleyway. “What is it, Akito? You are not normally in these parts of the area.” You arch one of your eyebrows. 

“I’m not but,” Their eyes look at the surrounding area, making sure no one is around, “I got some information.” You scrunch your eyebrows together.

“Information on what? I am not officially-”

“It’s about Sano.” You tense slightly, hoping it wasn’t noticeable, how’d you know I was looking for him? “He’s going to be at Roppongi Square Lounge tonight.” What? This doesn’t make any sense. From the file you read about Mikey, he is not known to be in social settings. 

“Source?” 

“Does it matter? Have my sources ever been wrong?” Akito questions you, it’s true… Akito has never given you bad information. 

“No, you’re right. Thanks, Akito.” You both part ways in the opposite direction, your doubts are very low about this intel but you are willing to take this risk. If this is your chance to find Mikey, you will seize it. 

You put on formal attire for the strict dress code at Roppongi Square Lounge. You make sure your hair is not out of place, your face is clean and done up, and you put on your most attractive scent. Upon entering the lounge, you blend into the crowd, bopping your head to the music, feeling out the crowd. Your eyes survey the area to see if Mikey is here, your eyes fixate on a familiar black hair man.

Mikey is sitting alone on a private couch, being standoffish. Need to find a way to get to him. You amble your way to the bar to order a drink, still keeping your eye on him. His dark eyes are blank and empty and his expression is unreadable. What is on his mind? All he is staring at, is the drink in his hand. Once you grab your drink, you walk in the direction of the private couch area not directly towards him. You don’t make it obvious that he’s your target of the night.

Showtime… you innocently stroll by his seat and clumsily trip and spill your drink content onto his black trousers. You gasp and forge your innocence, “Oh no, I’m so sorry.” Mikey’s reaction doesn’t seem to be faze, his dark pupils are now on you. You grab the table napkin, kneel down to dab on his trouser to dry it. “I hope it doesn’t stain.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” Your ears perk, you never heard his voice before and it’s actually… quite pleasant but quiet. “Are you alright?” Mikey surprisingly asks you, for a notorious criminal his mannerism seems too polite. 

“I’m fine, please don’t worry about me.” You laugh softly, you finish dabbing his trouser and stand back up. “As an apology, may I order you a drink?” His unpredictable expression makes you nervous but you remain composed. 

“You are the one whose drink spilled,” Mikey’s black orbs flicker between the empty glass in your hand and your face, “I’ll buy you a drink and you can keep me company.” Got him, you mentally smirk at your success. 

“Thank you, you are so thoughtful.” Mikey pats on the cushion for you to take a seat beside him. You graciously sit a bit closer to him than he expects, and his eyes twinkle. He lifts a finger and a waiter comes over in an instant, taking your drink order. He oozes a commanding aura that you unawarely get attracted to. 

“Tell me about yourself.” He takes a sip of his drink, the smell of alcohol tingles your nostrils. 

“Oh, there’s really not much to tell.” You don’t want to be the center of conversation, “I’m really not an interesting person. Very mundane.” Mikey’s lips spread into a melancholy smile and his eyes softened as well.

“I’m sure you are more than mundane.” His hand lightly grazes your leg, then firmly rests on your thigh. Strangely enough, you feel sparks when he touches you. The warmth of his hand feels nice, he notices how you like his hand on your thigh. He starts moving his hand dangerously up and down. “What’s your name?” The waiter brings you a drink and swiftly leaves you two alone.

“[Alias Name].” You take a sip of your choice of beverage. His black eyes are staring into yours, deciphering if you are telling the truth or not. His melancholy smile didn’t falter from his face.

“Nice to meet you… [Alias Name].” He momentarily pauses before leaning into you, the smell of whiskey and cologne fills your nostrils. Your heart starts pounding furiously, the way he intensely looks at you brings heat to your cheeks. “Nervous?” Damn, can he feel your heart thumping against your ribcage. 

“What’s there to be nervous about?” You boldly caress his cheek, Mikey’s cheek is smooth and surprisingly soft. His hand moves to your inner thigh, getting closer to your nether region. His lips are a breath away from yours, his eyes show a hunger to have a taste of you. Then someone clears their throat, having the both of you lean back.

“Sorry to interrupt,” They nervously glance over at Mikey, whose expression is once again unreadable. “I need to speak with you… privately.” This must be one of their lackeys. They take a quick glance at you, Mikey squeezes your thigh one last time before getting up.

“See you later, [Alias Name].” He takes one last look at you before walking with the other person. You watch where Mikey walks off to before following that trail behind him from a safe distance to not be caught doing something suspicious. They walk through a dimly lit hallway that leads to the back of the building. You stop and crouch near the slightly ajar door where they enter, hearing some voices.

“-is at Tokyo Bay at 10 PM tomorrow night to make the exchange.” The person passes on the information to Mikey, perfect! I can catch him in the act and put this bastard in jail. Mikey dismisses the person, glancing back at the door. You hold your breath, making sure to stay statue-still. After a couple of minutes, he nonchalantly strolls out into the busy streets of Roppongi. You let out a sigh, feeling determined that you will catch him and you make a phone call to Izumi for back up. 

9:55 PM is when Mikey shows up at Tokyo Bay, alright … let’s see what you’re up to. Izumi and you hold your position waiting for the right moment to jump in to arrest Mikey. Exactly 10 PM, a different lackey meets up with Mikey for the exchange. The lackey hands Mikey an envelope and Mikey gives him something in return. Now!

“Hold it right there, Sano!” You and Izumi step into your positions, along with back ups. “Both hands in the air and-” Mikey doesn’t let Izumi finish, he aims his gun at you and pulls the trigger. It miss you literally by a hair, then a lackey throws a tear gas bomb towards your direction. 

“Detective!” Izumi pushes you away, making sure you won’t be affected by the smoke. You quickly notice Mikey getting away, oh no you don’t!

You chase after Mikey, picking up your pace and running through the busy streets in the heart of Tokyo. Gaining momentum, you catch up to him. Just a little bit more! Grasping his arm, you actually grab him! Got you, you bastard! You pull him into the closet alley to handcuff him but the moment you step into the alley, you get slammed against the concrete wall.

“Ah!” Your head bangs against the wall, disorienting you. Mikey takes the time to place his knee in between your legs and trapping your hands above your head. “Mikey, you-” Mikey captures your lips and kisses you hungrily. What the-?! You try to fight back, but his lips set your lips on fire, the way his lips mold into yours amazingly well. You couldn’t help but to moan, giving him the chance to slip his tongue into yours. Dominating and exploring the depths of your mouth. Feels so good, you stop resisting and letting him take control over you. 

His hand loosing his grip on yours and sliding down to your waist, squeezing them. You want nothing more than to wrap your legs around him. The kiss finally breaks, leaving you in a steamy trance. Mikey steps back and leaves you there in a daze before you come back to your senses. What! No! You step back into the crowd again, you only see a glimpse of him but he slips into the busy crowd. UGHHHHHH! DAMN IT!! 

It’s been a week since you had last seen Mikey, there are no leads and traces of him. It’s as though he never existed. But no, you know he is real. You haven’t stopped thinking about the kiss in the alley. Did he do it on purpose to escape? Or did he truly feel something for you? Your office phone starts to ring, it is an unknown number and you pick up the receiver. “Hello, Detective [L/n] speaking.”

“Detective, it’s Akito.” Your informant Akito normally calls you using a burner phone. “I got some information on Mikey.” Your ears perk again and abruptly stand up from your chair.

“What is it?!” You accidentally shout through the phone, you are at your wits end. 

“He’s leaving the country,” Your eyes widen in bewilderment, “I’m not sure where and what time but he’s leaving today. He will be at Narita Airport.” 

“Thanks Akito!” You hang up the phone, then make a phone call to Izumi’s data analyst team and you relay the information to Mai, their hacker. 

“I am not seeing his name anywhere on today’s flight list.”

“Just keep trying-” 

“Hold on.” She sounds confused over the phone, “I found something strange.” You hear fast typing on her end. “I don’t see his name here, but yours is.” Your heart beats erratically, what? How was that even possible? “There’s a ticket with your name that is leaving for Brazil in 20 minutes from now.” You let out a string of curses. She provides you with the terminal and gate number.

“Thanks Mai, call Izumi for me to get me clearance at the Narita Airport!”

“Got it!” You rush out of your office, climb into your car and zoom into the streets like you’re a race car driver. You use an emergency siren that Izumi gave you and luckily, cars split up to give you a quick route to your destination. You make it to the airport in about 15 minutes, I still have time to catch him! You rush over to the security lane pre-TSA and you lift up your detective badge for TSA to verify your identity. “Please let me through!”

Another TSA confirms your clearance and allows you to pass security. Gate 53, you run through the crowd trying to find your objective gate. You have less than 5 minutes left to try to find that gate. You do your best to not brush or accidentally bump into other passengers. There it is! You use the last of your energy to increase your speed, however the doors are already closed and the plane at the gate is now gone. No! You approach the TSA by the podium huffing and puffing.

“Good Afternoon, may I help you?” The TSA lady questions.

“I-I need you… to contact the pilot… and tell them to turn back around.” She looks at you, surprised.

“Pardon?” 

“There’s a criminal escaping the country! I need you to contact the pilot and have them turn the plane around.” You flash your badge.

“Um, I’m sorry but I cannot do that unless there is a warrant. Do you have a warrant?”

“...No, I don’t.” She frowns.

“I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do.” You let out another string of curses, blaming yourself for not making it to the gate on time. “Are you [Y/n] [L/n] by any chance?” You are puzzled how she knows your name.

“Yes, why?” She grabs something from under the podium, it is an envelope. The same envelope you saw a lackey handed over to Mikey the night at Tokyo Bay. 

“This is for you.” She politely hands it over to you, “I was informed to give this to you.” You take the envelope, it’s fairly light but you can tell there is content inside of it from the light. You open the envelope and take out a note. Something slips out of the note as you open up to read it.

Thanks, it’s been fun playing with you.

“What?” You look down to find several polaroids on the floor, bending over to pick them up. “What the hell…” The polaroids are of you interacting with Akito prior to meeting Mikey and your own investigation. 

All this time… you were the mouse and Mikey was the cat. 

----------------------

[Mikey’s POV]

Mikey’s staring off in the ocean breeze in Manila, feeling the cold water splash his feet, and taking in the smell of the salty sea. His mind wanders, remembering you and chuckling softly. 

He immediately noticed you through the window of that cafe. He usually comes on the third Thursday of the month but didn't come in at his usual time when he saw you sitting near his normal spot. Mikey could tell you were a detective from a single glance but there is something about you that draws him to you. 

Was it your eyes that kept looking at the door to see if he came in? Was it your pouty lips that kept getting disappointed? Or perhaps it was your focus expression when you were looking at your phone?

He easily found Akito, your general informant, and cornered them. Mikey was the one who informed them that he will be at Roppongi Square Lounge. He also knew you would be following him to the back of the building and even slowed down for you to catch up when you two were running in the crowd. Let’s be honest, he can definitely outrun you but… this would be the last he will ever see you again. He wanted to give you the false sense of hope and to kiss you before it’s too late. 

It’s been a week since he’s been in Manila. Tomorrow is January 20th, the day he is planning to meet his long time friend, Takemitchy Hanagaki, and end everything. 

“It’s been nice knowing you… [Y/n].” He softly smiles towards the ocean and wishes you well.  

2022 © littleoanh — do not repost or translate my work on this platform or any other platform. likes, reblogs, and kind comments are welcome. must be 18+ to interact.

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[authenticmiya]

Put To The Test - Vinnie Hacker x Reader

Summary - Famous Y/N Petrou has been given opportunities to travel the world whilst living in the hype house with her big brother and all of his friends. The hardest part was that her latest ex boyfriend didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Oh and he lives in the same house as her.

Words - 2.3k

Warnings - angst to fluff, mentions of heartbreak, some arguing.

A/N - Well it’s nearly been a year since I’ve been here and I want to say Thank-you for everyone that stuck by. I have decided to change this account into a multi-fandom imagines account, however I never used to be good at uploading so I’m trying to get good again. I hope you enjoy, and please re-send or send in requests, I’d love to create some of your ideas💗

Living in the Hype House alongside all of your best friends was more than enough. You were so grateful for everything they had achieved. With that being said, you had your fair share of accomplishments. Not only had you successfully made yourself known on social media, but you also launched a strong selling set of merchandise branded in your name.

You had your brother to thank for helping you get started on different platforms. However, it wasn't always easy living in the same house as your ex boyfriend.

It was a typical day in the content house, Alex was preparing and filming for his YouTube, Mia was testing out new outfits for her pets and you were sat at the kitchen island replying to business emails.

"Hello baby sister, I have your coffee." Thomas handed you the iced beverage. With a sigh of relief, you thanked him.

"I have never had such a stressful morning in my entire life. I've been asked to host the VMA's but on that exact same evening, management want me to go to Costa Rica with Chelsea to promote her new beauty launch!" You exclaimed whilst still furiously typing away.

"Oh boohoo asshole, some of us only have a blue tick on dating apps." Michael ruffled up your hair and you smacked him.

"Yeah Y/N must be so hard to be so rich." Calvin joked and you rolled your eyes.

"You get everything you want, can't you just come up with a compromise? Like why don't you host the VMA's with Chelsea and shoot the beauty launch on a different date?" Michael suggested.

"Not bad Sanzone, but fuck you for making me sound like some brat." You laughed. Everyone had slowly started gathering around in the kitchen and you knew it was time to shut your laptop off to take a break.

"Miss Famous finally decided to socialise with the rest of her household." Mia chuckled taking a seat beside you.

"Hardly Miss Famous." Vinnie muttered and your eyes snapped over to him. It seemed that you had been the only one to have heard him so you let it slide.

"I think Nailea and Larray are coming over to film with us today." Alex announced.

"Has anyone got plans to leave the house today?" Thomas asked.

"Yeah I do." You told him. Truth be told you adored Nailea. The only problem was, you. Your insecurity would go through the roof when she used to come over throughout your relationship with Vinnie. Everyone would create ship videos and the worldwide web was nearly convinced them two were the couple and not you and your boyfriend of nearly two years.

"Oh do you now?" Thomas quirked an eyebrow, seeing straight through your bullshit. He was your brother, he knew you didn't have anywhere specific to go to, today.

"Y/N's going to an early morning dick appointment, leave her alone." Michael said it like it was true.

"Of course." Vinnie rolled his eyes.

"Dude what the fuck is your problem?" You turned and snapped at Vinnie. All eyes were on you and now you regretted reprimanding him.

"I didn't say shit." Vinnie groaned.

"For your information Vincent, the only ever dick appointment I attended was yours so please keep your sarcasm to yourself." The room went silent. The door knocked and you knew it was Larray and Nailea. Everyone rushed to the door, cameras at the ready for whatever content they were going to film. Everyone except you and Vinnie.

"I'm not going to sugarcoat things Vinnie, what's going on with you lately?" You questioned him.

"You're not my girlfriend anymore Y/N, so I wouldn't need to answer that." He simply said.

“Yeah and whose fault is that? I never done you dirty, not once. You make me out to be the girl who broke your heart, but you broke me first and I'm not gonna sit here and let you convince everyone I'm the bad guy."

"I think we should have this conversation in private." Vinnie searched your face to see how you were feeling and he knew you were upset.

"I think you've done enough this morning, it's not even midday and I'm once again having the same sort of conversation I had with you when you broke up with me." You sighed before heading towards all the commotion of your fellow friends.

"Y/N you look like a hot prostitute in that neon crop top!" Larray rushed over to hug you.

"Nice to see you too honey." You grinned. Suddenly, Alex's vlog camera was put into your face.

"Hey Y/N, why don't you tell Larray about your interesting emails this morning?" Alex zoomed in and you put your face into your hands and shook your head.

"Don't be embarrassed sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything." Larry dragged out, wrapping arm over your shoulder.

"Y/N couldn't decide whether she wanted to host the VMA's or be put up in a five star hotel in Costa Rica with Chelsea." Alex held back a laugh as one of your best friends looked at you in disgust.

"Miss Petrou has become way out of her league but bitch come on the VMA's?" Larry was shocked you'd been offered such opportunities. Alex then went off to record the others.

"You look kinda angry? Did I upset you? Not that I care if I did." Larry noticed how flustered you looked.

"It's been a very long morning Larry. You'd only upset me if you stole my car and you won't do that." He sent you a smirk, just as he was about to retaliate, two different laughs echoed from behind you. It was Vinnie and Nailea.

"If you don't look, it won't hurt." Great advice Larry, you thought as he headed over to them.

"Are you okay baby sister?" Thomas whispered so nobody would question you.

"I think I'm just gonna chill by the pool. My thoughts are running wild right now." You admitted and he nodded. You were quick to change into a bathing suit and chose to sunbathe on your own. Luckily for you, Thomas had installed huge Bluetooth speakers, making the whole experience a lot better with some music. Putting your sunglasses on and closing your eyes, you shuffled your music.

you broke me first - Tate McRae

"Now suddenly you're asking for it back." You sang whilst admiring the view from your backyard. Oh how the lyrics really hit hard when you were going through a breakup.

"Jesus fucking Christ, shit." You shouted as someone tapped your shoulder.

"Chill girl it's me." Nailea laughed, sitting on the sun lounger next to you. You turned the music down ever so slightly.

"You just scared the life out of me." You groaned, lifting up your sunglasses so you could see better. Looking past her, you noticed everyone was coming towards the pool in their bathing suits.

"So much for alone time." You thought to yourself, knowing Thomas definitely told them all it was a pool day, so his sister didn't have to feel like she was by herself.

"But I don't really care how bad it hurts! When you broke me first." Michael shouted the lyrics loudly and you groaned.

"No wander you don't have the blue tick on any other platform Michael!" You joked and he put his hand to his heart.

"You've broken my heart." You playfully rolled your eyes and went back to sunbathing.

"Have you cooled down from your dispute with Vinnie this morning?" Mia asked, sitting on the other spare sun lounger next to you.

"I guess." You sighed awkwardly. Looking over at him, he was staring straight back at you, until he noticed he'd been caught.

"You're allowed to be upset about it Y/N. It's only been a fucking month." She continued but you were zoning out. Taking in Vinnie's features - for the first time in a long time, you'd noticed how different he looked. He looked like he hadn't slept in years and sadness covered his eyes.

"The two of you often bottle your feelings but now you're taking a good look at him, you notice a difference right? You haven't spoken properly since the breakup." Why was Mia so right?

"You're right but I'm not really in the mood for that conversation. I don't know how it would turn out." You admitted to her.

"Y/N you're an over thinker and you fear the unknown! I get it, I really do and as your sister in law, I'm telling you to do what you know is right." Mia pushed it but all she was doing was telling the truth.

"Oh Y/N dear, wouldn't it be nice if we just ruined tanning time with your best friends?" Your brother came over with his vlog camera. That's when you noticed Michael with a huge bucket of water from the pool.

"I will file a law suit and get a restraining order you fucking-" To busy ranting, it was too late. Michael had soaked you from head to toe with ice cold water.

"Oh it's on!" You shouted. Grabbing the giraffe inflatable from the pool, you hit Michael as hard as you could many times.

"Y/N stop!" He declared making everybody laugh.

"One more thing." You turned around pretending you were looking for something and when he least expected it, you launched him in the pool.

"Don't punch if you can't fight." You reminded him with a laugh. You'd taken the decision to go and dry yourself off. Taking a good look in the mirror, the difference in you was just as prominent as it was with Vinnie. The bags under the eyes and a drained looking face.

"What the fuck even are you Y/N?" You questioned out loud, wiping away mascara that had melted underneath your eyes. A cough from the door-frame removed you from your thoughts and looking through the mirror, you could see it was Vinnie.

"Can I help you?" You raised an eyebrow at him.

"Cut the act Y/N." He sighed and you rolled your eyes at him.

"There's no act Vincent. What do you want?" You asked.

"This is the only way I'm going to have a private conversation with you so please can we talk?"

"It depends, am I gonna get accused? Am I gonna have sarcastic replies from you?" Now it was his turn to roll his eyes.

"Stop being so fucking stubborn." He muttered and you bit your tongue. Sitting on the countertop of the bathroom, you waited for him to start talking.

"Vinnie why did you break up with me?" You broke the silence. He could've sworn his heart broke all over again, even if he was the one who called it quits.

"Y/N I never gave you a valid explanation. I'm not good with emotional shit, I couldn't tell you at the time. My head and my heart told me different things. Shit Y/N, you're being offered tours and fucking Costa Rica round trips, how could I ever come between you and your career?" You stayed silent, suddenly feeling tears well up in your eyes but you tried not to let it show.

"You dreamed of being in the limelight, being able to afford things that you wanted. You got there Y/N, baby you fucking worked your ass off and proved everyone wrong." Vinnie couldn't cry, not in front of you.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to have the pressure of me. The times you used to call me crying because you had to cancel dates, that's not fair on either of us." He continued.

"This blame isn't on you Y/N, I will never blame you for living the dream. Yeah, my communication was very off and I've regretted that every single day for the past month. I broke you but we were slowly breaking each-other." By now he was stood in front of you and you couldn't look him in the eye.

"My career means jackshit if I have you." You whispered.

"I appreciate the support Vinnie but where were you huh? You left me. I fucking love you and you just left. I had no explanation just that you didn't want me anymore. All of your shitty remarks in front of our friends-" He cut you off.

"They were asshole moves. I shouldn't have done it. It's probably a cliché that I'm apologising for it after doing it a few hours ago, but I'm so sorry. I tried pushing you away, just so I could try not to feel this way anymore." He had his hands on your shoulders.

"But believe me baby, pushing you away only made me love you more." He whispered, and out came your waterworks.

"No, no, no. Hey, don't cry, come on Y/N, you're to pretty to cry over an ass like me." Vinnie padded away your tears with his thumbs.

"My love for you was never going to end, no matter how much you made me cry." You mumbled, still not being able to look at him.

"Y/N, please look at me." He grabbed your chin gently and turned your face to his.

"Dude you've gotta check this out-" Michael barged through your bathroom and his eyes widened at the sight of him.

"Fuck I'm sorry." He scratched his head awkwardly before quickly leaving. You let out a sigh and moved Vinnie's hands away from you.

"I don't want this-" You began and he immediately cut you off.

"Please don't say this, I just, Y/N. What? You don't want this? Don't give up on us." Vinnie ranted, tears forming in the circles of his eyes.

"Vincent listen to me." You demanded, shutting him up.

"If you let me finish I would've said I don't want this to be a repetitive thing where shit happens in our lives and one of us decided to call it quits. We need to be in this together." You told him.

"Baby, one small crack in our relationship doesn't mean we're broken. It means we were put to the test and we didn't fall apart."

[maximumninjavoid]

Mining for Unobtanium rewrites part deux

and a ZILLION thanks to @indigosaurus because she's amazing and puts up with me and actually reads my stuff and helps me make it better

Spirit is a smaller airfield a bit west of the city that caters to smaller private planes, flying lessons, corporate jets, that sort of thing. Ok. I officially have no idea what he is up to, but, as sure as one third of Geralt’s lines are “Fuck”; he’s up to something.

Upon arrival at Spirit, I am driven to a passenger lounge. It’s not busy at all, since flying charter out of St Louis must not happen a great deal or perhaps not at this time of day….Everyone is exceedingly pleasant and I imagine for the money he’s spending, they ought to be. I’ve never flown that way. Someone grabs my bags and we walk out the door on the runway side and into a hangar. I remind myself to fix my face, and try not to gawp. It’s a jet. A personal pan pizza of an aircraft. The stairs are down and there’s a person at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the plane. Waiting on me, apparently. Good thing I dress to travel.

Look, when I started traveling, as a child, one dressed to travel. It was a big deal getting on a plane and I simply cannot travel in jeans. The gentleman at the foot of the stairs takes my coat, and offers me a hand. I take it and walk up the stairs into a what’s it called? A business jet. There’s club chairs, a sofa, tables, a kitchen ( galley, right) and me. I put my carry on in the seat next to me and fasten my seatbelt. I am informed that Todd will be my cabin crew and Jess and Mark are the pilots. The pilots actually come say hello. Odd doesn’t even begin to cut it.

Todd asks if I want anything and I tell him I would love a beverage. Todd comes back with a No1 Mint water in a beautiful crystal glass and says” oh, right. I have something else for you”. He comes back with a bouquet of lavender roses. I don’t know how he knew. It isn’t anywhere, not on social media, we have never talked about it. But they are my absolute favorites. Not only for their unusual color, but they are the most fragrant of all the roses. Todd puts them in a vase and sets them in a recess I had not seen in the table.

I look over my shoulder, wondering where the other people are. Todd is also a mentalist, because he says” Ma’am, we will be wheels up in a matter of moments. We’ve been cleared to take off and in approximately four hours we’ll be at our destination.” Ohhhkaaay. I am the only person who isn’t crew on the plane. And true to their word in minutes, we’re down the runway and in the air. This business jet has some oomph and I’m pressed back into the wide leather seat as we climb to 45,000 feet. As we reach our selected elevation, Todd returns from a seat somewhere behind me I gather and begins to speak about the safety features. I’ve never had a personal flight safety brief and ask him to sit across from me. Reluctantly he does and after the exits have been pointed out and the safety features of a Gulfstream 650 have been described to me, I have questions. I ask Todd about the range, and how fast she goes and what the upgrades from a Gulfstream G200 were. We have a lovely aviation related conversation and then Todd asks if I want something to eat. “ I suppose, sure. What are my options? “

He explains that the galley has been stocked to certain specifications, and that there’s vitamin water, marcona almonds and charcuterie. I tell him that would be lovely but what think is I really want is a cigarette. He returns with this beautiful charcuterie board and a crystal ashtray. I look at him. He looks at me and smiles. He puts down the ash tray and produces a pack of Dunhills and a lighter. He smiles and says” Charter is a beautiful thing”.

I arrived in New Jersey, and was met on the tarmac by another gentleman in a suit who gathered up my things, and took me to another jet , and I’ve got my passport in my hand, carrying these lavender roses, and this gentleman behind me with my suitcase and my carry on. He steers me toward another set of stairs and again, someone is there to take my hand. I think I rolled my eyes behind my sunglasses so hard, I checked out my own ass. I thank the man, and I don’t have to go through security; this is all quite strange, you know? I remember when you could smoke on flights. Always in the back of the plane, cigarettes and pipes. No cigars. I’m pretty sure I flew on one of the last commercial flights you could smoke on, and I think I smoked almost a whole pack of cigarettes, because I could. This was an Embraer Legacy 650, and and I’m on a jet headed to London. I have always wanted to go to London, and now I am…..

Under quarantine. Fourteen days. No contact. Just to make certain I don’t have Covid-19.

I get settled in my seat, and Avery comes by to brief me on the safety equipment on the Legacy. She also informs me that the galley has been stocked, and that several of the seats can be made into lay flat beds and she would be more than happy to bring me linens and a duvet, and assures me that there is a shower in the aft cabin so that “should I require I can arrive refreshed”. Between Ashley and travel knit, at this moment I am not certain for whom I am more thankful.

I take my medication, send two or three texts, and send one picture. Captioned “ Almost in the same time zone. What day is it?” I figure that the best thing I can do is sleep. Otherwise, I’m going to begin to spend time in my own head, and that’s never a good idea. It’ll start innocently enough with ‘are you barking mad? You have just left the country, on no notice, with only one human vaguely aware of your whereabouts?’ and will quickly change timbre and tone to sound a great deal like the woman who called herself my mother; and then we get to the part of the internal interrogation that goes like this ’ of course you’re being irresponsible. What should I expect? Going off on some crazy thing, and how much are you wasting on this, that could have been put toward your future. You aren’t getting any younger…..’

Blessedly the insomnia medication began to take effect before the ghost of my first ex husband arrived and started in on my “perversions, and the endless parade of freaks and weirdos” I had chosen to surround myself with. Have I mentioned how much I love sleeping? It’s like being dead, without the commitment.

A gentle shoulder shake. “Ma'am? We’re About an hour out from London you had mentioned you might want to freshen up?” I complied, prayed to every deity I could think of that I hadn’t snored or drooled, and went to the back with my bag to shower. wiped my face with a tea tree wipe from my bag, and brushed my teeth, finger styled my hair, redid my lips and offered up a heartfelt prayer to the women who invented travel knit. HAD to be women.

You can crumple that stuff up, shake it out and look put together. It mixed and matched like garanimals for adults, and then you just accessorize.

It’s my home training. Remember, I’m (age) and when I grew up, you dressed to travel. It was a big deal. I can still remember wearing what can best be described as a little suit. Shift dress, matching jacket, patent leather Mary Janes, gloves and a hat. I STILL have issues leaving the house without a hat and gloves. In my world, some things are timeless. I am literally unable to travel in pajamas like I see some folks do. It took years for me to be able to wear jeans. If you have a friend who works for an airline, or did;

I’m not trying to pour salt in a pandemic wound, ask them what the requirements are to travel on one of their *buddy passes* the dress code, if you will.

I told you.

My roses had been put in water, and were handed back to me as I got ready to deplane. I hoped I wouldn’t have to surrender them at customs. I had my tote over my shoulder, carry on rolling behind, just the picture of cosmopolitan travel….. Oh stop laughing. See how cute YOU look getting from one half of the world to another on short notice. Handed to me from somewhere in the jet is my bag. Queued for customs. But when you fly Charter, there’s not really a line. Is the purpose of my trip business or pleasure? Probably not a good plan to joke with customs officials. That went poorly in Toronto. I actually got to see the room with no doorknob. From the inside. It’s not likely to work better here. I have my documents ready, negative Covid test, passport, declaration, purpose of my stay? Business and pleasure I decide is the most honest answer. The length of my stay? Oh. I’m not certain. No, nothing to declare, well, my flowers. They were a gift. They look a little bedraggled, as I am certain I do, but we are granted entrance by The Crown.

Apparently I walked right past the person who was sent to collect me and that ‘simply isn’t done’.

I suppose you aren’t supposed to be so fixated on a cigarette that you walk right by a human with an 11 x 14 sign, with your fucking name on it. Apparently, that causes consternation. Makes phones buzz and shit. I’m thinking there’s no reason for my phone to buzz; no one has any idea where I am, hell *I* don’t even know what day it is, and I JUST want to smoke.

No. The buzzing becomes more insistent and I pull my phone out of my pocket to find five texts and two missed calls. I start to read the texts when the phone rings. “Hello?” “ Ms. L/n ? Are you all right? This is the contract transport service and you gave us quite a start. Our client is most distressed that we may have misplaced you… ”. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I apologized profusely, blamed it on my need for nicotine, and being an uncivilized colonist and had them laughing with me in no time. We confirmed my current location, I promised to assure their client I was fine and they said they would be right around to collect me. I sent a text to Henry, explaining how I had walked right past them, I was safe and sound, that it was very sweet of him to worry but shouldn’t he go disembowel a mythical creature. I smiled. He’s a love. They just don’t make them like that anymore.

We pull up at a beautiful building in what looks to be in the heart of London. If I didn’t know better, if think it might have been The Continental; I fully expected to see Winston, or Charon. The check in is seamless. Fortunate, because I’m not really paying attention. I’m trying not to gawp at the architecture and the decor. This hotel is lovely. Furnished perfectly, elegant but still comfortable, this is what you get when your country is MORE than two hundred years old. Bell staff takes me to my room, opens the door, and, it isn’t a room. It’s a suite. There’s a sitting room, and a bedroom, a luxurious bath, ASHTRAYS, and books. Not just any books. My favorite books. And a letter on the desk addressed to me.

I thank the bellman, try to tip him, which he refuses, and as he closed the door behind him I turn around in a circle trying to take it all in. This is too much. I know he’s at work, and I can’t pester him. But I do feel possessed of a need to protest, and I don’t want to unpack. I sit gingerly on the edge of the club chair and open the envelope.

^^

Y/n,

I only wish I could have been there to greet you. I hope you’re not displeased at the accommodation, and if I am not mistaken, you’re more than likely cross, and think I’m being excessive. There is a method to my madness however. You’re unfortunately going to have to be here for a fortnight. By yourself. And you’ve come such a long way, it was the least I could do. I want you to be comfortable, and be somewhat entertained.

Yes, I had to send someone to go and get the surpriseI have left for you. I would have gladly done it myself, but, I’m otherwise engaged at Kaer Morhen. I did all the hunting, not the procurement. I just wanted to show you in some way that I am invested in this, in you, that I’m paying attention, and I’m trying to learn how to court you.

I have tried to think of the things that you have to have, cigarettes, books, I assume you brought music. I had the pantry stocked with things I pray you’ll like, and other tidbits in the fridge. You may uncover other surprises while you’re here. Make yourself at home. Get comfortable. Rest. Read. Relax. Take advantage of anything this hotel has to offer. I will see you in my dreams, as I have every night. I ache for you. You haunt me, but in the most delicious way,

H

^^

And just like that, I am undone.

I take out my phone and send a text.

++

You are starting to grow on me. This is amazing, too much. Thank you.

Sweet dreams.

++

I don’t remember getting in bed, or even getting undressed, but I must have, for when I awoke, I was naked, in the most comfortable bed, sprawled out like a starfish. I tend to do that in hotel beds. I have no idea why.

I remember my dream. Like it had actually happened. I was on the balcony, in a dressing gown ( which I have never owned) and there’s a knock at the door. I open it, and it’s him. He damn near takes up the whole door frame, he’s so massive. Shoulders out to there…first three buttons on his blue oxford shirt undone, tormenting me with that chest hair, sleeves rolled up, biceps barely contained, tucked into jeans that leave very little to the imagination… Trim waist, thick powerful thighs, and OH. YES. he is packing. I can feel my core clench, my pussy getting wet, and he hasn’t even crossed the threshold.

That face. Those eyes. And he’s staring. At me. I’m not even sure I’m moving under my own power, my hands reach those pecs, slide up to either side of his face. He looks down at me and I am caught. Prisoner of that gaze. His arms go around me and he pulls me in angling his head slightly. His lips meet mine, gently at first, then more insistent, as he grabs me tighter, picking me up and out of the way of the door and closing it with his foot. My hands twined up into his hair and I ran my hands through those curls, feeling his hold tighten and God help me, I moaned. Our tongues met, the kiss became even more intense…I was going to burst into flames.

More. I needed more. In order to get more I would have to stop kissing him, or take my hands out of his hair and I wasn’t willing to do either one of those things. I needed to keep kissing him like I needed air. One of his hands reached up to cup my breast, heavy in his hand, he expertly tweaked and rolled my nipple, sending a red hot jolt of current straight to my clit and my knees buckled. One of those powerhouse arms came around me and steadied me, and with the other; well he stopped playing with my nipple and put his arm beneath my knees and scooped me up like I was one of those little girls. I tell you, I was shocked. I’m no single digit prime number dress size, never have been….. But that training……. He carried me like I was a bit of dryer fluff….. And I assure you, at a not standard size, I ain’t dryer fluff.

Goddamned dreams. Why couldn’t it FINISH? So, I’m on another continent, in this magical suite at the Corinthia, and it’s light out. I have no idea how long I slept, but there’s a coffee maker in my room and I located one of my surprises. Whole bean coffee and a bean grinder. Oh, someone was paying attention. Magical bean juice brings me back to life and reduces my homicidal rage. I start some coffee and head to the shower, which is large enough to hold a party.

Good to know. THAT might come in handy. I toss on some yoga pants a t shirt and trainers, a hoodie and my mask and set off to find the fitness center. I’ve got my tablet, so cardio theater it is. If I get involved in watching something, then I forget how long I’m on the dreadmill. Yes, I said dreadmill. I despise the fool thing, but it works and I won’t fall and harm myself. Constantine later, I’m ready for another shower and some food. I’m trying to stay away from everyone and everything as much as possible. I find a few protein bars in my carry on and look at the books. Actual books. He had someone go and get them and bring them, and that earned him a “you’re going to see God blow job”…. Henry just didn’t know it yet.

You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. You put your hair up in a pony tail, either undress him or half undress him; ease of access as it were; get comfy in front of him, look up at him in ~that way~ through your lashes and he starts to get hard, just from that look. You run your fingers up his thighs and stick your tongue out and lick around the head of his cock, and then put the head in your mouth and twirl your tongue around it and then put one hand around the base and stroke the silk covered titanium that is his dick and lick the underside of his stiffening length and then look up at him again, and he smiles, because he KNOWS exactly what he is in for. Swirling your tongue around his dick again till you get back to the head and slowly, ever so slowly slide your hot warm mouth down his cock until he’s at the back of your throat and you make up the difference with your hand(s) and you begin to fuck him with your mouth, hollowing out your cheeks, and steadily speeding up. You reach down to cup his balls and he growls in the way you love to hear and it makes you wet. You KNOW he’s loving this….because he can’t form words anymore, and just to drag it out you slow down and he tenses up, and you’re edging HIM, as a payback for the times that he has done it to you…… bringing him to the brink of cumming and then slowing down, over and over so that when he finally does cum, the top of his head will come off and he WILL see God. Your hands working in sync with your mouth and your tongue, he arches his back up off the sofa and you know he is so close. A deep breath and down you go, past where a normal human’s gag reflex would be; if you had one; and your nose is at his pubic bone and he practically screams and ropes of cum shoot down your throat as he empties his balls into your throat. Feeling him pulse. You slowly lick your way off his cock, licking him clean , making sure you don’t miss a drop, and his heightened sensitivity makes it sweet torture as you lick and suck your way back up his cock. You look up at him and he has his head thrown back smiling.

THAT kind of blow job.

The books. I had proof he really paid attention, because he really didn’t seem the type to have ‘people’ for that. Ok, someone put them here, in this suite, but Amazon is an amazing thing. Paperback copies of Not For Glory AND Hero. They’re hard to find. The author is deceased. I buy them wherever I find them, because paperbacks don’t last forever and I’m pretty sure they were never in hard cover. Higgins’ Solo. Those were the lay ups. The Oathbound books? That was a delightful surprise. I re-read those books on a regular basis, they’re like old friends. All of the Witcher books, and he had gotten them autographed. I actually clapped my hands and squealed in glee! Andrew Vachss’ Burke series. Now that was a bunch of books that begged for a movie….but, I make better movies in my head.

I sent another email, figuring he would see it when he had some down time.

******

Hero,

You’ve really gone and outdone yourself. Thank you for the books. The feel of an actual book in my hand is incomparable, and while I like the convenience of an e reader, it isn’t the same. You picked the perfect ones! However did you guess? I shall have to come up with a manner of suitably expressing just how grateful you have made me.

Although, surely there was a room under some stairs someplace you could have stashed me? It would have been less extravagant…..Been biding my time on the dreadmill, and watching your interviews. Now, no cringing.

If I had a superpower, it would be to let people see themselves the way other people see them. We are so hard on ourselves, you know? And living in the public eye can just make it more difficult, but, darling….I’m one you were talking about scrolling through social media, and “ there’s a bad picture, and another one, and” Baby, who hurt you? I swear I will jump on my broomstick, scream “ I’ll get you my pretty! ” and drop a fucking house on them. I don’t think you have ever taken a bad picture. Ever.

I’ve seen photo shoots, out takes, family photos, you obviously intoxicated, you being silly or adorkable, and no bad shots. Stunning, in every one. Sweaty in the gym? Women go mad. Tom Ford party? Women go crazy AND men begin to question their sexuality. You show off that physique you work so hard for? Gay men faint, or hit the gym, or both. You should see the porn fakes. They’re good fakes, by the by.

And I have lost count of how many people gush about how nice you are. “Wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouth full of it, that one”. Makes me want to get you ALL riled up so you’ll talk dirty to me…. Oooohhh yes. That very proper Mister Cavill saying the filthiest things…..

I seem to have become quite aroused thinking about you, I could go and alleviate some of this …..tension.

Or….

I could let it build and save it all for you.

However, fair is fair. Sauce for the goose, as it were…. That would mean you would have to be willing to go without until quarantine was over…..

What say you?

******

And before I could over think it, I hit send. I went and did the necessary at the Temple of the Dreadmill, but Deadpool made it less horrid, and if I was *training to kill Francis* that was some sort of motivation. If only fat cells would scream as they died. I wanted to go outside, go sightseeing, be a tourist. But quarantine is quarantine, and honor is exactly that. So, other than my rooms, it was the dreadmill and that was it. I read, I wrote, I worked, looked out the windows, put my mask on and went out on the balcony, and dreamt of the days passing faster.

Two days later I hear a tink tink tink on my window. I look at my watch, and it’s afternoon. It must be a bird or some. I go back to my book. “ tink tink tink” and I get up and walk across the room , open the curtains and look out and internally shriek. He’s standing, RIGHT THERE. Tossing pebbles at my window. I side eye the mirror praying I don’t look like a gorgon, and go to the balcony and step out. “ You there. Young man. Are you in the habit of throwing stones at random windows? ” With a big smile on my face, and he looks up, and my heart forgets it’s job. Stops dead in my chest. He’s so much better looking in person.

"What light from yonder window breaks?“

Oh we are not doing Shakespeare on a street in midtown London.

"Have you lost your mind, or are you just lost?”

" I just….. Dammit, I’m coming up. I’m tired of waiting. “

"You most certainly are not. You have forty eight more hours. Surely you can last that long”

He looks up at me, with this cheeky grin and waggles his eyebrows. “I don’t think I can last twenty minutes at this point, but I’ll make damned sure you don’t complain.”

" You would tempt a saint. You know that, don’t you? And I , am no saint.

Write me a letter of intent. On real paper, with a good pen. I know how you usually prefer to approach a seduction, but, from the other side of the equation, if you please. And if you can manage a seven foot leash, I would be delighted to invite Kal for a visit tomorrow. He doesn’t have to social distance. Now, be gone, or I shall be forced to taunt you a second time”.

I smiled, blew him a kiss, turned around, walked back inside and closed the balcony doors behind me. My pulse was racing and I cursed, because I always know when I’m doing the right thing. The right thing is hard.

That night’s sleep can best be described as fitful. I tossed and turned, my dreams tormenting me with what I turned away. Henry’s kisses and caresses, that massive cock splitting me practically in half, one of my legs up over his muscular shoulder, his hands leaving bruises where he gripped my hips…The only way I was going to start this day was hot coffee and a cold shower, and several cigarettes; all at the same time. What? You’ve never seen “All That Jazz”? Where Fosse is taking speed, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee in the shower? Twenty seven years sober, and I still have some skills. I can have a phone conversation at the same time….

One. More. Day. I can do this. I am a capable confident Dominant Woman, and I can do this. And when God created Cavill, the angels wept.

An envelope appears under the door. I pick it up, walk over to the chair, light a cigarette and open it.

^^

Ma'am,

I am somewhat out of my element, and I do wish to please you. I spent probably more time than I should have, but, I do tend to be quite particular and I strive to do my best in everything that I undertake. I believe it is part of who I am, and part of that which I can say is why I am where I am.

I would love to take you out, and show you a fantastic time. Dinner, perhaps? And as I think about the conversations we have had, I want to take care of all of it, as service to you. I will have apparel delivered, arrange transportation, make certain that the place is perfect, order for you, My Lady will want for nothing.

I have some other notions of how best I might seduce you, but I feel that those may be lost in translation. Allow me to show you?

Henry

^^

I smiled. I leaned back and sighed. Oh, he gets it. He’s not really very submissive, but switchy as all get out and he really wants to learn; from the ground up, as it were.

There was a knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole and didn’t see any one. I opened the door a crack, and heard a snuffling noise. I looked down and there’s Kal the Bear Dog, American Akita, and at the other end of the leash, sitting cross legged on the floor, is his daddy. I did the only thing that made sense. I said hi to Kal and sat down in the doorway. He sniffed me, checked me out, walked back to his dad, came back over to me, sniffed me some more, I wasn’t going to reach for him until Kal decided it was ok, or until Henry said I could. We just looked at one another, across the hallway.

I spoke first. “Thank you for the lovely letter”

“ Was that ok? ”

“It was better than ok and well you know it”

And there’s that smile, and those fangs….. Those inhumanly blue eyes…

“ I’m glad I passed the audition”

“Well, you got a call back. Don’t get too cocky”

Kal laid down in front of me and nosed my hand.

“ He’d like for you to pet him”

“ Any place in particular? ”

“He likes ear skritches”

“Coming right up, I live to serve”

And he laughed.

“ WHY does everyone laugh when I say that? What exactly is so fucking funny? ”

He tried to stop laughing but can’t control his face. Kal finds it all very entertaining and dashed back and forth between us, playing.

“You don’t appear intimidated by him”

“I’m not. I’ve had dogs larger than this baby bear….And he is just adorable!” I cooed burying my face in Kal’s fur and petting him. “ I bet you’re a great listener, and you never tell a soul, do you? And I bet you don’t steal covers”

It was easy, in the hallway, while I was getting to know Kal. No pressure. Sure, there was sexual tension. I wanted to launch myself at him, instead I got to know his best friend. I could hold out a smidge longer, there was only a little time left. I stood. I bent to hug Kal. “ Please, good sir, if you would convey my respect and admiration to your daddy, I would be ever so appreciative. Tomorrow? What time? ”

“Seven,” he said and his eyes were ablaze. Was it passion, denial, frustration?

“ Sweet dreams, ” and I went back to my room.

I shouldn’t have been so cocky. My words came back to haunt me. I tossed and turned, I fought with every pillow. The bed that had been sheer bliss previously had somehow transformed itself into a veritable bed of nails. I couldn’t go for a walk, I tried the couch. The tv aggravated me. I could find no comfort in books.

I started an email instead.

****

I have been hoist upon my own petard it seems, and while mathematics has never been my strong suit, I feel that somewhere it should be taken into account that time zones have been traversed, and that three hundred and thirty six hours has surely passed by now.

To be so close and yet so far away…�� I had calculated the shooting schedule improperly, and had you not come beckoning at my window, I might have been able to continue to fool myself that this wasn’t real, or that I had created it not of whole cloth, and somehow managed to remain in idiotic bliss that we weren’t coming face to face…..

That face…oh the Gods they smiled on you, didn’t they darling? Like they were having a contest, giving their gifts….I shall give him the gift of mesmerizing beauty, but he will have to grow into it, so he also gets the gift of humility. And the other Gods applaud. Well played, old son. Not to be outdone, another bestows ambition, but tempers it with diligence so that you are graced with good fortune, that you have earned. Another gifts you with charisma, women want you, men want to be you, everybody wants to hang out with you, and damned if everyone doesn’t find you sexually appealing. “My wife has the hots for Henry Cavill, and I’d drive her to him. Maybe he’d pick me.” I shall make him chiseled, with a profile that hasn’t been seen since the heyday of old Hollywood. I’ll make him look good in LITERALLY ANYTHING. Covered in mud, hot. In a suit? Oh look out. White hair and yellow eyes? Panties dropping all over the world….

And I get to have dinner with you. IN person. Here’s something for you to ruminate upon. I’m frightened. I adore talking to you. I look forward to it. I look forward to it too much, actually. The sound of your voice gets a physical reaction from me and I KNOW there’s going to be combustion. I just want to burn.

And that scares me. Complete and utter lack of self preservation.

One touch. One kiss, one look and I fear that I will burn like a supernova.

Come, set me on fire…..

****

At eleven packages arrived. One was from a lingerie shop I had browsed at online, Bordelle. Their stuff was exquisite, really, cutting edge fashion, and wickedly sexy. I assumed he either knew or guessed my sizes. I had already done my due diligence on the dreadmill, hoping some of this whatever this was would dissipate, but even an hour at an incline of three and a half didn’t settle the starlings in my stomach. Those were no butterflies. I spent an indulgent amount of time in the bath, lotioned everything that could be with almond oil, touched up my cuticles, decided my pedicure was in good shape, exfoliating, buffing, it was madness. Nervous, I suppose. I mean, wouldn’t you be?

I began opening boxes. Stockings, of the most fine denier that you could read a newspaper through, and a Cuban heel with a seam up the back. A suspender belt of black straps, almost like an open bottom girdle, with six garters. A matching balconette bra that would really display my decolletage. There didn’t seem to be any panties. Hmmmmmm. There was a beautiful pair of shoes with a low heel and an ankle strap, which was amazing, because I don’t have the grace or the talent to wear heels. The dress that accompanied it was simple and elegant, well made, and also rather retro in it’s styling. Fitted bodice, sweetheart neckline, sleeves that ended just at the elbow, rather fit and flare in its styling, and the skirt was voluminous. My God, there was even a hat with a little veil and gloves. He didn’t miss a trick. I began to dress.

Fortunately two weeks in a hotel had not been all that bad for me. The circles under my eyes required minimal spackle, a bit of blush, a swipe of contour here and there, with my contacts in, eyeliner was out of the question and it hadn’t occurred to me that I should pack lashes. Mascara it is then. Lip stain, blotted, fixed,reapplied, blotted again, this was NOT coming off, on my mask or on a shirt collar. I spritzed some scent in all the proper places and I hoped he wouldn’t recognize it, and that it would please. I’ve never been one for traditional women’s fragrance. It smells artificial on me. I like darker notes, spice, leather, and they’re much better balanced in men’s fragrances. I get lots of compliments, and never find myself wearing the same scent as anyone else. Seams straight. Pearls. Hat. Bag. Gloves. Aaaaaand it’s 6:45. I’ve got fifteen minutes to make macrame out of my internal organs. And now, for entertainment, our brain will show a selection of every possible disaster scenario it can conjure, no matter how ridiculous. And I pace. I look at the clock again, and I swear it’s moved backwards and now says 6:40. That cannot be correct.

I shake my head. I pace some more. I pop breath mints like they’re drugs I did in the eighties. I am not going to smoke. I might pass out.

There’s a knock on the door. My heart pounds. I walk to the door and try to breathe….{internal voice; don’t lose your shit} I open the door and there he is. In a suit. Not just any suit. I mean, you can’t. Not when you’re built like a brick…………house ( apologies to the Commodores).

I could write epic poems that would put the Iliad to shame just describing his fair countenance….but I would be doing him a disservice if I didn’t spend some time on just how much style he possesses. Tailoring is one thing. Fit, proportion, but he has raised style to high art. Like old Hollywood meets English Nobility, and unless I miss my guess, that’s a bespoke Huntsman suit. Made specifically for him. To his precise measurements, by HIS cutter, who has a file on him, and all their other clients; about their preferences, in colors, fabrics, linings, how they want their trousers, best preferences, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. Did you see *The Kingsmen*? That place. It’s actually Huntsman. I think they have been on Saville Row for over 100 years. Might even have a Royal Warrant.

The suit is perfection. Fits literally like it was made for him….. Because it was. And it took twelve weeks and multiple fittings. Charcoal grey, with a hint of a chalk stripe, very subtle, crisp white shirt, double breasted vest, with a watch chain no less, and the trousers are perfectly tailored, break at the perfect spot, and his tie is a perfect four in hand, and the tie is splashy, but flawless. Me? Oh I’m taking this all in, trying to remember to breathe, and he takes my hand, bows a little, brings it to his lips and just as his mouth is almost at my hand he turns my wrist and kisses the bare skin above my glove, and looks up at me with that smirk he has. “Ma'am? Shall we?” I put my finger under his chin and raise him to his full height . “ A moment, please. ” I step toward him and slide my hands up each side of his chest and lean in toward him. “Before we leave, I wanted to thank you for your excellent taste. Your gifts were lovely and I hope I do them justice” and I pressed my lips to his. He pulled me in closer and wrapped his arms around me, his tongue sought to part my lips and I allowed it, my hand reaching up for the side of his face, as our tongues explored each other’s mouth, tentatively at first, quickly catching fire. I didn’t want to stop.

But I knew if I didn’t, we’d be rutting in this doorway and whatever he had planned would be for nothing.

Difficult as it was, I pulled back and smiled. “ I could do this all night, happily. And more, or did you want to keep our original plan? ” He adjusted himself ( I don’t think he knows I saw that ) and took my arm in his. “Do you have everything?”

"Thank you, yes. I have my key, my bag, I am in your hands" . He closed the door behind us and walked me down the hall. We exited the hotel through a side door and got into a car with tinted windows. “ Please tell me I’m not wearing your lipstick” Smiling again, I remarked that he wasn’t but if he wanted to… And he laughed and pulled me in for another kiss. We made out. Like teenagers. In the back of this heavily tinted car, and I couldn’t get enough of his kisses.

We drove for a bit, I’m not certain how long, I frankly was too caught up in kissing him, and occasionally pulling back to look into those eyes. We could have driven off the cliffs of Dover, I’d never have known. We turned down a side street, then an alley and stopped in the back of a building. He got out of the car and said he’d be around to get me. Ok. I’ll behave. He opened my door, offered me his hand to help me out, said something to the driver, then took my arm and we walked the few steps to the door in the back of this building. Henry was grinning like the cat that ate the canary, and I couldn’t figure out why. He knocked on the door and after a minute or two, it opened, and we went down a short hallway into a kitchen where there was a booth. IN. THE. KITCHEN.

It was all I could do to not scream and go completely fangirl, for at that moment I realized where we were. This was the imagination station; the chef’s table at Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant on Royal Hospital Road. I turned to my dinner date and threw my arms around his neck, peppering his face with kisses. “ How did you know? How did you manage this? You realize that this might just kill me….oh, right, we have a provision for that. ”

He bowed from the waist “ My Lady is pleased? ”

“Oh, darling, pleased is not the word! ”

Dinner was spectacular. Course after course of the most deliciously ingenious things the chefs could create, with pristine service and just the two of us. Sharing bites, oh you must taste this, ooh! This, taste! Stealing kisses in between courses, and such easy conversation. We talked about books, and we talked about music, and he ribbed me about my ‘frozen in amber’ musical taste and I told him I had checked out some of the bands on his running playlist and liked quite a few of them. We sat close to one another, thighs touching, holding hands between courses, I kept getting lost in those eyes, but I did manage to hold up my end of the conversation.

I asked him if he was disappointed about not drinking during dinner and he countered with “ I haven’t seen you smoke”. We agreed that kissing was worth some sacrifices. Truth be told I did want a cigarette, but not as much as I wanted him. Dessert, coffee, more conversation, and I asked what else he had up his sleeve. He smiled. “ There is that American expression about the gun show?” I threw back my head and practically roared. “ I have this well in hand. Shall we?” And he took my hand and we got up and walked out the same back way we had come in, to the waiting car.

We arrived back at The Corinthia, and I was hoping against hope that the evening wasn’t over, but, I hadn’t planned it, so I didn’t want to presume.

“I suppose you’ll need to go walk Kal. Not having thumbs, it isn’t as though he can walk himself…."

” Trying to shake me already, are you? “

” No, of course not! “

” Kal has a date too. Later we might compare notes. But he never tells" he said with a slightly tilted head and a smirk.

“ Then I suppose I should invite you up? To see my etchings? ”

“Or your tattoos…”

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi Hi!!!! So I've been following your account for a little while now and I love every single comedy bomb you drop on what you write so I was wondering....

How would the boys react to their S/O who is usually reserved when at the lair, doing a full 180 when at April's? Like they could be April's roommate or something?....

Like crackhead energy, dishing out memes and vines and literally having a duel with Casey about leftovers in the fridge?... Yeah I know it's very specific 💀

I don't know.....the idea just popped into my head but I lack the creativity and comedy skills for that...so I was wondering if you could do something with this?.....

It's totally fine, if not 😁😁

This is... 100% me. I love this and I'm gonna pour my soul into it. Also I have started mentally referring to these as comedy bombs and I refuse to stop.

Also, I hope you don't mind that I wrote these in oneshot form instead of bullet points. It just made more sense for my brain.

TMNT Oneshots

The boys with a partner whose reserved at the lair but an absolute crack gremlin at home 🤣

Donatello

Donnie may have been a man of science, all logic and facts and numbers and things. But he absolutely believed that everyone had three separate faces, you were direct proof of that theory. While the purple terrapin had known you for nearly a year you’d only started dating a month ago and it shocked him that he was still uncovering new things about you. He loved it, sure, but it had a tendency to give him figurative whiplash.

He’d always known you to be calm and collected, maybe even a bit shy. He swore you’d explode if more than one person tried to talk to you at the same time. So it wasn’t an over exaggeration for him to say that your behavior at home nearly made him break his neck.

He was only there to help April fix a bug in her laptop and to confirm your next date, he was excited to see you since you’d had no contact in person for a week because of your schedules. Just lots of phone calls and exchanged text messages. You both missed each other like crazy and your roommate had neglected to inform you that your boyfriend was coming over.

Hers was already there and he was driving you up the wall, you’d never actually thought about committing a murder but Casey was pushing you very close to the edge of snapping. And he might as well have crane-kicked you off your cliff of patience and into the rushing river of “you little fucking shit I’m gonna piss on your grave” below. You hadn’t even heard Donnie come in through the window much less his conversation with April over her computer.

All you knew was that Casey had come parading into your room like a tyrant eating the leftovers in the fridge that you had specifically put your name on. That did it. Your eyes had skimmed over the top of your textbook to meet the asshole in front of you.

“Casey?”

He couldn’t speak through the mouthful he was trying to chew and grunted in pathetic response.

“Is that my cheeseburger?”

You’d never seen a living person imitate a pug’s facial structure so well, the man’s eyes bugged out of his head and he tossed the takeout box on your desk before turning and bolting out of your room. You followed about two steps behind with a bottle of shampoo in your hand. No, you weren’t entirely sure where you’d grabbed it from, all you knew was that it was your weapon. And it quickly became a very messy problem when it missed your target (Casey’s head) and slammed into the wall, exploding on impact.

You didn’t think you’d thrown it that hard.

“April April help help help helpppppppppppppp-'' The two on the couch had looked up during the chase throughout the apartment, Donnie was mostly curious at what Casey was screaming about. Not a lot usually made the guy make that noise. He was then distracted by April grabbing the laptop and passing it to him, she then clambered over his legs to sit behind him.

“YOU UGLY ASS CROISSANT! FUCKING PANINI HEAD- IT HAD MY NAME ON IT YOU DAFT AVACADO!”

Your boyfriend almost went vertical upon watching you tackle Casey to the floor and knee him in the groin. You shook the terrified man under you and slammed him a little harder into the rug.

“Touch my shit again and I’m gonna make the beaches of Normandy look like a goddamn family vacation.”

Then you climbed off of him and stood, brushing your disheveled t-shirt off with a huff. Donnie caught your attention and you raised your head to grin excitedly at him.

“Hi Dove! April didn’t tell me you were coming over,” you practically skipped over to the couch to peck him on the cheek, “I missed ya, are we still on for Saturday?”

He nodded in complete shock, his gaze flitting from you to Casey, who was still wheezing on the floor and clutching his dick.

“Uhhh yeah! Yeah, yep, Still good for Saturday. Uhm, completely unrelated question, where the hell did you learn to grapple like that?”

You shrugged absentmindedly, already walking to the hall closet to grab cleaning supplies for the puddle of shampoo in the walkway.

“Just kinda picked it up I guess? I’ve watched you guys train enough.”

Leonardo

See, Leo had always known that you were hiding something from him. Be it your true personality or some deep dark secret. He wasn’t really in a rush to find out, you’d tell him when you were ready. The leader enjoyed your quiet disposition anyways, you gave good advice and liked to meditate with him, what more could he ask for? What more could he want?

Well, maybe if you got along better with his family, although he supposed that wasn’t your fault, you always had been a bit shy. Even six months into your relationship with him, Leo only hoped that you’d warm up to his brothers eventually. You seemed to do alright with Splinter, that was a plus for the situation. It wasn’t that you were mean or impolite to the others, you were just… avoidant. Distant, quiet, whatever word you wanted to use. You just didn’t seem comfortable at the lair.

He was excited that April had asked to host a game night though, maybe you’d come out of your shell (haha, see what I did there?) and socialize, even for a little bit. They’d all shown up a few minutes early to make sure April didn’t need help with anything, she’d assured them that everything was handled and made sure to inform Leo that you would be back shortly with Casey from your snack run. Mikey had joked that you’d ditched the get together to avoid them but they all knew it ran the possibility of not being a joke.

You unlocked the door and held it open so Casey could get inside without tripping himself before entering yourself and kicking your shoes off. Leo looked up to meet your eyes and you sent him a wild grin, your entire face lit up with amusement.

“Hi babes! Are you ready to get your ass kicked at Monopoly?”

All the poor turtle could do was nod.

“Good. I did grab drinks by the way, April there should be a mixer in the cooler bag, Donnie there’s some of that lemon lime stuff that you said you wanted to try, Mikey, orange crush as usual, Raph I tried to go for Dr. Pepper but they were out so I figured that root beer was a safe second. And Leo they had a new boba flavor that you haven’t had yet so I grabbed one. If you don’t like it then you can have mine, I just have the peach royal.”

Beverages were tossed and they were lucky that their surprise didn’t throw off their catching skills. You and April shared a quick word in the kitchen as you took your coat off and ran a hand through your hair.

After some arguments team captains were decided and Donnie nearly had a heart attack when you picked him instead of Leo or either of your friends. He even went so far as to point at himself to make sure you weren’t joking. You declared that while you loved your boyfriend his morals were too strong to be competitive, Donnie’s were not, he said so himself.

They were all surprised that you’d remembered that conversation.

It wasn’t until halfway through the game that things started getting heated, you and Mikey were nearly jumping across the table at each other. And it visibly took all of your strength to not burst out laughing when he started yelling.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS CHEATING! YOU'RE CHEATING! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE!"

April and Casey were snorting into their arms as you got to your feet and walked towards the kitchen, making a poor attempt at climbing the appliance.

"THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

Raphael

Raph had always been under the impression that you were never really 100% yourself around him, he knew for a fact that you weren’t when you stayed over. He’d never seen someone so aggressively avoid someone, except himself of course. You were his partner of almost a year and it seemed like you were never going to let your true self shine. However you did seem to lighten up when you were alone with him, he supposed that was normal, but you may as well have been a pair of old earbuds that only work when you held them a certain way at the lair.

He honestly hadn’t expected that to change tonight, not given the text that Casey had sent him informing him of April’s recent breakup with whatever guy she’d been dating. So when he climbed in through the window and saw both you and Casey sitting on the floor in front of the bathroom he really didn’t think that the words out of your mouth would be-

“April you’ve got another twenty minutes of this then I’m ripping the door off the hinges!”

Casey shot you a look and you shrugged nonchalantly before getting to your feet and walking over to your confused boyfriend.

“Hey, sorry about this. Casey only texted you as a last resort if he needed someone to stop me from tearing the door off.”

Raph found that peculiar, “Uh, couldn’t he do it himself?”

The man in question looked up from his spot on the floor.

“Nah dude, they’re crazy. Last time I tried stopping them from doing something they nearly knocked my damn tooth out while screaming, and I quote, “If you put your hands on me I’m gonna fucking rip your face off” and quite frankly I don’t have the balls to test that.”

“No no dude, that’s valid. I wouldn’t either. Babe, why are you so-”

You raised an eyebrow at him over a glass of water, “Violent? I’m not Raph. These two just have little bitch feelings.”

He found it hard not to laugh at that and fifteen minutes later when you left his side to approach the door again it sent him reeling.

“This shit’s temporary April. You’ve got nice teeth and a fat ass, stuff your feelings down!”

Michelangelo

There would never be a time where Mikey wasn’t a prankster with you, it was just simply non-negotiable. You were cool with that and he was aware, he was also aware that no pranks were to be pulled at the lair. So he’d reign it in while you visited, just for a short while. But you’d never said anything about the apartment and Mikey was a creature of opportunity.

Unfortunately Leo talked him out of it and forced him not to pull anything while they visited. The leader was already on edge so when he walked in with the others following closely behind you were the first person to see him. Your eyes caught Mikey’s instantly and you might as well have been telepathic at that moment. But you took one look at Leo’s solid, angry face and seized your moment.

They weren’t at all ready for the scream.

“GET YOUR FUCKIN’ DOG BITCH!”

And they also weren’t ready for Mikey’s response of, “It don’t bite.”

And Leo was not ready for the pillow that got whipped at his face at incredibly high speed.

“YES IT DO-”

So when Leo finally realized that they were yelling at him his mood did not improve at all and in fact declined sharply into a pit of “oh fuck”. And that was how you ended up on Mikey’s shoulder getting dragged away from any sort of repercussion for your actions.

These got a little short near the end but I hope you like 'em and I hope I was able to capture what you had in mind! 😁

-Mars 🌠

[gothra]

Hey! I just got caught up on the season of The Boys and I'm curious why is Annie right for saving Hughie even when he doesn't want her help but he's wrong for doing the same? To me it feels like he's wrong because he's a man that the right often complains about but here it might actually be true I saw his twitter response to a question about it that made 0 logical sense. I also read his interview regarding Frenchie and Kimiko which pisses me off how does this man have so many bad takes?

Honestly? I don't know. I don't understand why Kripke doesn't understand how own writing. I'm confused. I've been confused this whole season. I miss season 2. I have a lot of theories about the way this season went because I've just been stewing on it for weeks, I have a lot to say (maybe grab a beverage), and if there's something that confuses you, or if there's something that you think I missed, please let me know.

I think (in part) that the reason Eric chose to shoehorn in a "toxic masculinity" retcon arc for Hughie is because he needs to cash in the Social Justice Brownie Points by making Hughie a conversation piece about toxic masculinity. Hughie doesn't need to be that. Hughie has never once exhibited any signs of "toxic masculinity", so it's upsetting that he is now. Because Eric chose to write this storyline for Hughie, I think he also chose to attempt to not only seal the "Hughie is toxic" arc, but also subvert the "boy saves girl" trope by making Annie come to Hughie's rescue. My first problem with that is 1. Hughie is not compatible with the toxic masculinity BS and 2. Annie does not save Hughie. Immediately after she says "I'm going to save Hughie, whether he wants me to or not!" she very much Doesn't Do That. Butcher (in his own fucked up way) is the only one to rescue him from taking V. All Annie does is come and pick him up. So this whole arc had: 1. a clumsy beginning, 2. a clumsy middle and 3. a clumsy end. Whoops?

Annie is right to attempt to save him, but this part of the storyline becomes very ridiculous and clownish because she doesn't actually do that, and the reason she is saving him is because Kripke wrote something for a character that didn't fit that character. Hughie is also right to want to save her. He's been right this whole time!!! Hughie is a naturally insecure person, with a lot of fear and anxiety. So why wouldn't it make sense that he wants to protect his girlfriend? The first one exploded in front of him! We're only supposed to dislike this choice because we think that the reason he's making it is "toxic masculinity". What about Hughie's natural desire to protect his loved ones? What happened to that? So, in summary- they are both right to want to protect each other. The only thing that Hughie is actually wrong about is the use of V that results in a compromise of his sense of morality (it barely does) reason Hughie is "wrong" about wanting to protect his girlfriend is because of bad writing.

Okay, part two. I was actually just talking about this with a friend on Twitter. To preface: I don't explicitly view Frenchie and Kimiko as "romantic" (at least, not in the traditional sense), but I sure as hell don't see them as "sister and brother" because they fucking aren't! I don't know what's up with Eric, but he's stepping on his own toes with this. In the same season, we've been shown Butcher's backstory, specifically his past relationship with his brother, and the way he "views Hughie as his little brother" (boo). Eric has laid this on very thick. Butcher even explicitly tells Hughie "you are the spitting image of my little brother" (another lie, Jack looks nothing like the actor playing his little brother. I have no clue what that was for, but I have a feeling it's to ward off Butchie shippers. It has not successfully warded me off). When Kripke wants you to see people as brother and sister, he is going to basically put a big neon sign up that says "brother and sister". He has not done that with Frenchie and Kimiko. No part of their narrative has been "I see you as my brother". Kimiko has shown her interest in Frenchie with little-to-no mention of her brother. I don't know why he's saying this now. I could give a theory, and you might not believe it, and that theory is he subconsciously doesn't want to put this Asian woman in a loving relationship. That thought makes me sad, because, as a non white woman, all non-white women deserve to be in loving relationships (familial or otherwise) because we already live in a world that tells us that we aren't worth it. I don't know if that's why he's gone back and said it, and I don't want to believe that's why, but maybe it is. I like the idea of Kimiko and Frenchie having a relationship that is an alternative to romance, but still maintains them as soulmates, as two people that love each other with their entirety. I'm mostly aromantic and asexual. I like the idea of Kimiko being asexual and I agree with an elevated concept of love and romance, and I agree with queerplatonic soulmates. I don't agree with whatever the hell this man is talking about.

[gayerthantheewrites]

Hi hi i sent a request earlier but tmblr said it didnt send so im doing this again,,I saw ur post about 3 things smth and I wanted to request if its still open 😅

I tend to ignore people during morning(particularlly when i dont feel like talkin), I close my eyes when Im upset/trouble(particularlly when I feel like crying) and I like cute plushies + bokuto + puppies.

Sorry for this if its too detailed or smth and if your not accepting request anymore, ignore this JSKDKSKSKSKS I look forward to your future contents btw💕💕

𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐨𝐰𝐞;

➽ 3 things + 𝐁𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐊𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 + puppies

a/n: hello nonnie!! don't worry ur pretty little head, your request was fine!! i'm sorry this took so long tho,, thank you for waiting!! baby boy bokuto is onuv my comfort characters and writing this was like a relieving breath of air :') enjoy!

!!: ambiguous au, implied college, gn reader

w: self-consciousness in beginning, awful judgement over people, it's brief and not the focus tho, just kinda so 's all good :'))

requests: open <3

They say Bokuto Koutarou was many things: assuming, barbaric, shallow and maybe self-satisfied. Everyone had an opinion over the campus’ golden boy, but these, and more were what struck him harder than the compliments that reached his ears. It put a stain on his mind. He became more aware of his actions and thinking. If the slight change in his posture was obvious, no one had given him away.

Bokuto Koutarou had become conscious.

And today, if he was any younger, he’d be quick to voice his denial. He’d disagree and prove himself, say it was simple misconception. But like everyone else, he grows. Which is why today, he is well past that; Bokuto Koutarou had better things to do than correct shallow judgement said to define who he is.

So what if they thought he was assuming?

If keeping his words to himself as he got to class, because he sensed your mood that morning was assuming, maybe he really was. As he sat there, a few spaces beside you, quiet and content, maybe it was true. Already knowing how you feel without you needing to communicate, to tell him you didn’t feel like socializing early in the day, Bokuto could say he was assuming.

And if Bokuto was barbaric, perhaps he could agree to that. As he frowned at the sight of you scrunching your eyes closed, your eyebrows heavy, unspeaking, and the shine of brine in the corner of your eyes maybe he was barbaric. Barbaric for wanting the reason you’re upset to be taught a lesson, a lesson he’d personally give. Barbaric as he shook his head disapprovingly, yet as he invites you in his arms that you accept, he looks anything but. Big, barbaric Bokuto whose arms were massive, whose touches were as delicate as a petal, he pulls you to him and engulfs you like a safety net. Maybe he really was barbaric, as he thought of how to speak to that person to not upset you any further.

But he thinks he’d most agree to being shallow. Shallow, shallow Bokuto as he scanned the many items on the specific isle. Skimming the pads of his fingers on the fabric, trying to find the one he liked that you’d like too. Shallow as he pedalled to the till, smiling up at the cashier who seemed a bit amused over the adorable stuffed toy Bokuto laid on their counter, and a few snacks and beverages he knew you’d like. If shallow meant putting a smile to your face with gifts he laced his heart with, price be damned, then shallow is he.

And as Bokuto sits over the mattress with you, whose form was enveloped by the comforter, he agrees. He can finally feel the apples of his cheeks climb up further to his eyes when he finally saw the loose curl of your lips. He can feel his eyes shine as you lay a gentle gaze on him. He could burst with accomplishment any second now, but you postpone his combustion once you lay both your palms over the sides of his face to pull him closer, to lay a soft kiss on his temple. All your love, emotion, appreciation and acknowledgement secreted by the touch of your lips to his skin, and he felt everything swelling in his chest. His eyes water as he clutches on the hands you placed on his face. He hiccups and you chuckle, on the verge of sobbing too.

He whole-heartedly agrees. Maybe Bokuto Koutarou truly was self-satisfied, if the feeling of achieving your love was his greatest accomplishment of all.

“Wouldn’t if be cool if.. we get something that looks like this,” he points at the newest addition to your collection of stuffed animals. “ but it moves?”

“...you mean a puppy?”

“Puppies, actually but yeah,”

Yet to be completely honest? He could care less about being portrayed as assuming, barbaric, shallow and self-satisfied. He knows what defines him, and he doesn’t owe them an explanation, let alone change. Bokuto Koutarou knows his worth, and he could thank the both of you for it.

It’s time to begin, isn’t it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I’ll admit

I’m just the same as I was

Now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who I am

— It’s Time, Imagine Dragons

; anon u're lovely!! i look forward too!! so sweet u r,,

; i just,, rlly love bokuto and i hope i did him justice,, now back to calculus!! part of the warm-up/match-up event <33 requests are open!

tagging: @neoheros ilysm how r u

[sungtaro]

oh game night w/ eri <3 so true !! i hope you're feeling okay! i am handing you yet another beverage of choice... and also!

13 for e'last, 15 for younite, 17 for trejo <3

yesss she may be sick but we can still have the social distance slumber party from our respective bedrooms ... 💖

⏤ [e'last] 13. who would be your best friend and why? i'm torn between going w my all my besties are pisces trend and saying 2won which def checks out bc . those are in fact our besties . and my other option which genuinely on vibes alone i really think it could b seungyeop like he just reminds me of one of my really good pals ... his energy is so specific ... i think we could get on surprisingly well !

⏤ [younite] 15. what’s a concept you would like to see them try? oooh tough bc the possibilities are genuinely endless rn ... i think i'd like to see them doing fresh concepts a la pentagon like think shine (which tbh i think 1of9 is like ... the cuter younger sibling concept of) / do or not / like this ... i'm a big advocate for maintaining the boyish charm and youthful energy without making it over the top sickening cute (although i DO love super cute concepts, i'm just thinking about steve's blood pressure DHJGBHJS)

⏤ [treasure] 17. favorite look from your bias? why would u do this to me ... i'll keep it vague jsdnfjh eyebrow slit jae u will always be famous ... honey blonde ji u will always be missed ... berets were made for junkyu ... dobby i love ur weird sense of fashion u look great sweetie

send me a group + a number ✨

[tsukishumai]

Soulmate I’m jealous that I’m not currently getting tipsy w you !! Buuut what do you think some of the Haikyuu’s go-to drinks would be? Like Akaashi would be a wine man, Atsumu would do shots of straight tequila bc he’s a crazy person ya know

Also have a fun night and drinks lots of water and be safe!! I love you!! ❤️

SOULMATE WISH WE COULD GET WASTED TOGETHER!

But what a great question.

hmmm, so Bokuto honestly strikes me as a beer guy. the type that can throw back an entire pitcher on his own, loves to chug a cold one at the end of day! he doesn’t like the bitter taste of IPAs, and he’s more of a lager guy than anything else!

Sakusa likes the classic sake and water, nothing fancy, gets the job done. He doesn’t drink for the taste, he drinks socially, and this is the one that gets him there the fastest, and with the extra water he has less of a hangover the next day 😙

Tsukishima likes a good Old Fashioned when he goes out to the bars — it’s classic, not to sweet, and gets the job done fairly quickly. But at home, he loves a good white wine to help him wind down from the day

Suna won’t admit it, but he will specifically order a margarita in every possible scenario because he loves the little umbrella it always comes with

Osamu will order any alcoholic beverage that is served in a hollowed out Fruit, no matter what. His favorite is empty pineapples, and he takes it home after so he can put it in his freezer and use it for a smoothie later

Kuroo will order a regular drink when he’s out with colleagues or clients he’s trying to represent — beer, sake, etc etc. But his true passion lies with Vodka Cranberries. He loves the tart taste that perfectly compliments the harsh taste of vodka, and with that little squeeze of lime?? you’re gonna have to rip it out of his cold dead hands

Ushijima likes Hard Seltzer’s. They don’t taste like anything other than slightly flavored sparkling water and four cans gets him perfectly drunk

[shadows-of-fate]

When Dragoons Fly...

Colors of red and orange melded with a deep blue as the morning reached up to bid the evening farewell. Nhea's tired eyes peered out into the desert sunrise from the bow of the Barghest, her mug of coffee in hand as she slowly delighted in the waking pleasure of the caffeinated beverage. She had brought aboard her belongings needed for the voyage the night before after having left a small social tea party with a handful of her company members where a new addition to the mission's crew was attained. With everything prepared to set sail, she simply awaited Osric's arrival while taking in the familiar and comforting sounds of a busy crew.

“If I’d known you were going to be up this early I would’ve made my way here sooner. I’ve found in recent months I don’t need as much sleep as I used to.” Osric wandered up behind her, the same bag he’d had with him the night before slung over one shoulder, a pair of daggers at his hips, and lance in hand. He set the bag down at his feet, laying the lance down to rest on top of it as he came to stand next to her, adjusting his jacket, effectively hiding the daggers underneath. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest, taking a moment to glance out at the sunrise for a moment before shifting his gaze back to the Miqo’te next to him. “So, to business then. Do you really not have the details about who we’re after and what we’re supposed to be returning, or did you just not want to share it with the group last night?”

A low chuckle rumbled in her chest at the sound of the familiar voice approaching behind her. "I slept on the ship." She began as her attention turned sidelong to him with a grin. " You're fine. We're just completing a few routine checks but should be ready to take off at any moment." His question caused her to purse her lips as she turned fully now to rest her back against the wooden boards. "Who, yes and I know where to find him. What, all I know is it's family relics."

“Family relics, hm?” He tapped the toe of his boot against the deck before taking a few steps, his brow furrowing for a moment. “Well...doesn’t that just sound messy.” He turned on his heel, facing her again, uncrossing his arms and slipping his hands into the pockets of his coat. “I’m tempted to ask how you know the individual we’re after - but I feel the more appropriate question might be how much of a headache are we in for?”

Her lips curled into a bit of a grin as she looked up to him, falling silent for a moment while emptying the contents of her mug before clicking her tongue. “Honestly it depends…” The raven haired miqo began, pausing only to clear her throat a bit as she waved a nearby crew member over and pointed to Osric’s things to usher them to take his belongings to his cabin if he liked. “...on if he remembers me or not.” The final words came as a bit of an after thought but the meaning held true that there was some sort of history between her and their target. 

Osric quirked an eyebrow, leaning down to pick up the lance, leaving the bag to the crew member, offering them a quick ‘thank you’ before slowly turning back towards Nhea. “On whether he remembers you or not?” He exhaled slowly, before chuckling - slowly shaking his head. “Well - I get the sense that this is going to be an interesting trip, at the very least.” He twirled the lance in his hands before planting the bottom of the weapon against the deck. “No sense in delaying. Shall we...captain?”

“Mm, we can leave it at that for now.” She reached over with her free hand, nudging his arm slightly as she flashed him a wink. With his words to be on the way, Nhea motioned toward the upper part of the ship in which the helm awaited her. 

Expecting him to follow behind, she made her way up the stairs that led them to the helm as she took a deep breath with a wide smile. “Care to join me while we set off?” After her question to him came a slurry of commands to the crew below them as the sails were adjusted and the ship roared to life and their course was set. “Our first stop will be in Limsa, we’ll dock there and travel outside of the city toward Summerford. Our friend was last seen there, let’s hope he stuck around.” 

Osric did follow, doing his best to keep out of the way. “Summerford isn’t exactly large - not an ideal place to hide out if one’s goal is to actually avoid being found.” He settled next to a nearby railing, leaning back - slowly turning the lance in his grip. “How...difficult to find is this friend - usually?” His gaze shifted from the crew shuffling about back to Nhea at the helm. “Just...out of curiosity.”

An idle hand rested on the large wheel, the wind picking up as their speed gained causing her dark locks to sway behind her shoulders. “No, I don’t suppose he’s exactly in hiding. If I recall correctly, he’s got a bit of an ego.” Her gaze held forward for a long moment while she spoke though as the way seemed to be clear, she glanced over to Osric with a grin. “It’s not finding him I imagine will be the difficult part.”

There was a long pause as the dragoon seemed to focus on the lance, idly turning the weapon in his hand. He chuckled, reaching up and running his free hand through his hair before easily meeting her gaze. “It sounds like you already have an idea of what the ‘difficult’ part is going to be - care to share?” He didn’t seem bothered by the notion that things might be a bit more complicated than originally implied - complicated meant a challenge, and a challenge meant more focus on the work at hand. 

Her chest rose slowly as she inhaled a deep breath before releasing it with patience. Nhea turned to the woman that had been standing off to the side, a red headed Miqo’te holding a small brass telescope to her eye to gaze further ahead of them. She was instructed to take the helm while the captain stepped aside to join Osric against the railing to lean on her forearms to look out over the side. "For starters, he's a brute of a man but as sneaky as they come. If we set eyes on him, it's probably best we don't lose those sights." Shifting now to rest sideways so she could address him directly. "As for the 'if he remembers me' part...I might have done a job with him a few years ago...where I might have taken off with the entire sum of earnings instead of sharing after leaving him stranded in the desert." Lips pursed in thought before she offered up her ever familiar wide and playful grin.

He drummed his fingers along the grip on the lance, his other hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully as his amused gaze met hers. “You might have, huh? Then it sounds like an individual who might hold a bit of a grudge. I’ve never been stranded in the desert or had all of my earnings stolen away before, but I can recall some situations with not so favorable outcomes that ended up being very memorable.” He let his hand fall away from his chin, tilting his head towards her. “I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that this friend of yours is probably expecting you, but would he be intelligent enough to plan for you? You mentioned he was a brute, not that he was smart.”

Shoulders lifted in a shrug as she coyly continued to grin as he spoke. Nhea never had a problem double crossing people for her gain but having settled in with the Ashen Wolves, she found herself mellowing to some extent. "It's hard to say honestly," Her tone had found a bit more seriousness now as she began thinking of what they might walk into. "Unless he sought me out specifically to settle that grudge but that would have been quite the work to track me down over a little disagreement. Either way, should be on our guard." 

Osric paused, glancing out over the horizon for a moment. "You learn very quickly in this line of work to stay on your guard, no matter the job. One wrong step, one second too late and that could be it.” He shifted his gaze back to her with a tired smile. “There’s almost always a hiccup of some kind. I don’t imagine whatever this ‘friend’ of yours has cooked up will be any different. But -” he took a moment before pushing away from the railing and stretching with an extended inhale. “...we won’t know until we get there. No need to stress about it now. What time do you expect us to arrive in Limsa?”

"Hm…" she hummed as she stepped forward to extend a hand to retrieve the small telescope from the other Miqo’te to gaze through the brass tube in front of them. "I'm always on guard, Osric. But also I learned to adjust quickly if needed and go with the flow of things." Nhea smiled as she glanced over her shoulder to him before looking up at the large sails of the ship. "Shouldn't be too long, the wind is at our back and we're making great time. But if you'd like, T'khau can show you your cabin to rest a bit more before we get there." Nhea looked to her first mate with a smile who nodded in response before looking to Osric for his decision. 

He shook his head. “That won’t be necessary, I was able to get more than enough sleep before we left.” He tilted his head from side to side - stretching his neck for a moment before offering the crew member a quick nod. “Besides - if it shouldn’t be too long, with my luck I’ll end up falling asleep right as we arrive. Unless that’s a nice way of telling me to get off your deck…” He trailed off, shifting his gaze back over to her, curious.

Nhea offered the telescope back to the other woman with a bit of a chuckle as she shook her head slowly and stepped back up to the wheel to take the rungs in hand. “I had a feeling you would say that and no- you’re welcome to stay. In fact..” She looked back to him with a grin before motioning to the wheel with a certain look in her eyes. “Ever flown a ship before?”

Osric paused, glancing over at the helm and then back to Nhea, still with the curious look. “No, no I haven’t.” He set the lance down - he’d been holding it the whole time - and loosely crossed his arms over his chest. “I can only claim to have been a passenger a handful of times...are you offering to let me?”

She perked up even further and seemed to slightly bounce in place as she stepped aside and gestured to the wheel once more. “Yeah!” One hand remained on a single rung as she waited for him to take hold of it entirely. “Just hold it steady, we’re straight on course so it would be hard to get us too far off. All the hard stuff is mostly seen to by the rest of the crew, steadying the sails and such.” A hand lifted to remove the object that rested around her neck, flicking the lid open to reveal the compass inside to show it to him. “Should stay heading north west, where it is now and you’ll be good!”

He slowly lowered his arms and approached, cautiously stepping up and gripping the helm - mindful of the direction the arrow within the compass was pointing towards. “I’m not sure if this is an act of trust, or pure entertainment, but I’ll do my best not to somehow get us lost.” He offered another small smile as he adjusted his grip, shifting his gaze from the compass up at the sky before them - checking back every few minutes to make sure they were still on the right course. He was so focused on the task at hand, that it wasn’t until several minutes later that he realized the individual standing next to him was not Nhea.

“Where did she…?”

“Sleep - she’s in her cabin, we’re to help bring the ship into dock and wake her up when we arrive.”

Osric’s jaw clenched for a moment as he sighed before he shook his head with a small chuckle - glancing up just as Limsa started to come into view. 

It was sure to be an interesting assignment...

(This will be fun. Blurbs with @osric-slater-ffxiv​)

[perfectionist-prince]

He did think it was just a rumour- after all these always ran wild through youngsters, let alone at a social party. Actually, he hoped it was a rumour.

No, it wasn't. And now Seteth was tasked with tracking down the little alcoholic fiend, whoever they were. The man crossed through the crowd with ease, many looking at him with knowing eyes from his pace and posture alone- it was best to just get out of the way.

The emerald haired man came to a stop at the revolting sight. "There you are." Green hues squinted in severity.

"I truly considered forgiving what I saw from you at the lodge, but now I suppose I have been too lax." He crossed his arms, gaze piercing. "It was explicitly stated in the Ethereal Ball's rules that alcoholic beverages brought from outside are strictly forbidden. Mind explaining where you got that from?"

A hand was extended. "I shall confiscate that bottle so it may be destroyed, regardless. Hand it over, young man."

Ethereal Ball 2021 || Signet Exchange!

There’s no way Shiro snitched. He said he wouldn’t. So why was Seteth approaching him now, of all times—?

Oh.

Right. The alcohol.

"Hello, Seteth," he puts on his best princely face, but the smirk tugging at his lips is too hard to contain. There was something satisfying about seeing Seteth frazzled, especially when Siegbert knew he held no actual control over him.

"See, you say that, but is it actually true? If I recall correctly, the only things the rules stated was that it was encouraged for students to interact with those we may not have met prior and that sign-ups for the White Heron Cup were due by a specific point in time. Not a word about alcoholic beverages, or lack-thereof.

"Nevertheless, Seteth," Siegbert places the wine bottle once held languidly at his side in the older man's outstretched hand. "Thank you for offering to take care of my rubbish. I was just on my way to rid of this empty bottle."

As if Siegbert would ever willingly hand over his alcohol. He knew his limits, and he certainly hadn't reached them; it’s not like he drank this entire bottle alone. No, it was mostly him and Leo... Alfonse at one point. A few others. Seteth couldn't stop him at the lodge and had no chance to do so now.

"Say, while you're here, would you mind stamping my card? I still need a few more signatures. I was, ah, preoccupied earlier and didn't have much time to mingle. Thank you, Seteth."