#and it involved a poop joke

[matbaynton]

YONDERLAND (2013-2016) 3.02 | Elders 11

[freakinator]

new ro design pog

so a bit of context in regards to my minecraft LoreTM: angels are things called out-of-bounders aka things that really shouldnt exist but for one reason or another do, other kinds of oobs are glitches (corrupted code come to life, ex: ashswag), homunculli (concentrated magic and code come together to create a living creature, often comes in the form of celestial bodies or similar due to higher chances of magic and code concentration in those areas, ex: zam), voidwalkers (eldritch creatures drenched in dark matter, pure magic concentration come to life, ex: half of what spoke is), and herobrines (corrupt duplicate player code come to life, usually takes form after a particularly code-stress heavy death, ex: herobrine) angels are the result of code corruption in pre-existing players and there's a 50% chance they turn nonexistent in the process with no way to get them back not even with respawn

ro used to be a regular human but all the wacky shit that happens in ls corrupted his code (unsure when yet) and he became an angel, it took around a week for ro to stop glitching out, needless to say mapicc was very relieved when his bestie didnt disappear into nonexistence

[rex101111]

because i never had a DS/GBA growing up for the longest time my only exposure to Phoenix Wright was those shit posts on Newgrounds, it was kinda like those posts that go around saying "i think the internet is giving me the wrong impression about this show"

Phoenix Wrong, anybody remember those? Or am i going to crumble into dust when i realize how old i really am.

[killallxys]

I’m sorry if this is a rude or too personal question, I don’t mean to come off that way

Leftists who are willing to criticize the Abrahamic religions always pull Hinduism as an example of a “non problematic” spirituality

Is that actually your experience as an Indian woman? (And do you have books about it you’d recommend to learn more?)

"Non problematic" Lol. No. It irritates me such much when I see this "abrahamic bad" "eastern good" It's really dismissing to women living in SEA especially India.

I hate all religions out there because everh religion is built upon misogyny. Even Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and Jainism. A religion can't exist without the subjugation of women.

Maybe you think that Eastern religions are not a problem because they don't recieve a lot criticism from us. Believe it or not, I am sure there is some form of brainwashing by hindu supremacist govt and the fact that if you criticize Hinduism a bit, people here will get rabid as hell. Make a joke on hindu gods? They will come biting your ass.

Westerners created this image of eastern religions as "peace" "spiritual" "connect with yourself". True to some extent but lemme explain.

(Don't bite me desi blr)

Hinduism has deep rooted casteism and misogyny. I can draw analogy to Nazi race pyramid. On top Brahmins (Aryans) and at the bottom untouchables (jews). Catch my drift? Racism in US and casteism in India has almost same effect - hate crimes against marginalised people..

Women were treated like poop ngl. The religious texts were pretty gross. Puranas especially a book called manusmriti was so bad about women. It's like ancient Andrew tate lol. Women and lower castes couldn't access education and were repressed as hell.

The disgust for menstruating women is hell. A temple didn't allow women entry because they were menstruating and recently the ban got revoked. Widowed women were encouraged to jump in burning pyre of their dead husband. I belive there is way more disgusting stuff about women in that book. I won't bother to read that.

I belive spirituality came into being later in medieval era. It was very rigid. Too bad. It led to forming factions of hinduism. Women and lower castes broke away and formed their own spirituality movement aka connection to god without involving the help of Brahmins.

I really don't have books to recommend at the moment.

In a nutshell. Every religion out there is misogynistic. Yes, the flavours of misogyny are different but it's kinda naive to believe it isn't. Hope you liked reading it and understood what I conveyed.

[wisteriaphobia]

Alright time to come out, not out of the closet, but I am Nat (Or Lilnatx) . I wanted to come here and share my story or fairy tales if you don't like me. I was a part of “clique 1”

Not to use my age like a pokemon card but I am 15, and I don't care what you have to say to me personally but I'm sick and tired of my name being dragged through the mud and being used as a scapegoat. But I have lots of pent up anger that I didn't have the privilege of saying.

April 3rd was the day I was banned from nevermore, with no proof. Like at all, I'm still bamboozled and scratching my head like a monkey on what was actually on me and my friends. We were accused of “shit talking” and I have yet to see the shit that we have allegedly talked about.

And honestly? Even if I did shit talk people, why… in a conversation about a predator … does that matter? I'm exhausted with how Red always fights with teenagers (like me) and other friends of mine. It's so despicable that the minions might just leave Gru for her instead. I was in gym class when I got banned and honestly? I would rather get banned 10 more times than do another plank for 2 minutes while seeing my P.E teacher's bald head.

My crimes that I did publicly (in the screenshot that red posted) is me being.. not fucking involved? Right before I got banned I was staying away from people that I previously did not enjoy and in fact I tried my best to not interact with them directly. At one point I had many members blocked on my discord because I was tired of being the villain.

Yet here I am in the year of our lord July of 2024 and people are still referring to my friends as “nats clique” like I said earlier im 15, quince. I have little power over my friends' actions , especially if they're an adult. I can barely get Laci to join me on Minecraft let alone make her collaborate on some high tech scheme, what is this shit? Oceans 11?

I find it petty that red refers to my friends as a “clique” we're a friend group, and the definition of a clique requires a group that's hard to get into. The server (until now) was open, you could pull up to Jinx's profile like a McDonald's drive through and get an invite. Our friend group was constantly expanding and if you personally felt like you were scared to talk to us, I'm sorry that you never experienced the poop closet jokes.

Red being paranoid about what a bunch of teenagers were maybe saying behind her back to deflect about crimson is quite irresponsible I do say so myself. So please Red! With a cherry on top! Show me what I did to you. What sin have I committed on your ego that should banish me to hell. Because I sure as hell don't know what I've done, (and you can quote this) you probably don't know what I've done either, because you made it all up.

Unfortunately I have no screenshots to give, because my phone storage is ass. But you can hit up any of the members of my clique for proof regarding my innocence. I promise I'm not an evil bitch who wants to ban you (not evil not evil no I'm the least evil person I know)

I'm sorry if this response upsets you, but if a 15 year old girl who ships who chicks bothers you so much. Imagine how I feel, imagine now so many people who once looked up to you feel. Everyone in your post looked up to you once as a role model, and have had panic attacks and stress because (allegedly) you harmed them with your cruel words. You can think it's your fault or not that's not my problem.. but for someone who wants evidence and proof 24/7 you sure like to not give out proof of anyone else.

P.S if you were anyone who gave red evidence of my wrong doings, can I see them? Cause I don't know what I have done.

P.P.S I'm not a man, and I write fanfiction of lesbian vampires.

P.P.P.S this is so not sigma that I gotta make this response

[brynn-lear]

Case File: Missing Person Investigation

Victim:  (Y/n) (L/n)  

Date reported missing: 04/20/2024  

Reported by: Jelena "Topaz" ███████, close friend.  

Circumstances: Suddenly went missing before reaching the airport, hasn't left the country. Missing for more than 72 hours when authorities were notified.

Possible Motive/s:  

- Unknown.

Victim's Background:  

- An overseas immigrant worker from ██████, registered Penacony citizen for 3 years.  

- Full fledged human, no remarkable hybrid bloodline.  

- Moved near Clockie Memorial, Penacony City to start the Dreamjolt Cafe. The cafe is heavily supported and funded by retired famous actress, Siobhan.

Possible Suspects:

1. Gallagher  

   - Description: Victim's flatmate, canine hybrid, possibly a former bloodhound detective.  

   - Relationship: Lives in the same apartment with the victim. Home is located besides the cafe.  

   - Circumstances: Unlikely to leave shared home to kidnap or attack (Y/n) due to surveillance footage.  

   - Suspicions: Suspicions were raised by Jelena but her accounts are shaky and not conclusive.

2. Sunday  

   - Description: Penacony senator.  

   - Relationship: Alleged arguments with the victim regarding cafe spot.  

   - Motive: Possibly interested in victim's cafe spot for the capital's town hall extension.  

   - Denial: Claims cordial and friendly relationship with (Y/n).

Relevant Information from Witness: Ms. Robin:  

- Sunday's Visits: Contradictory statements regarding visits to the cafe near closing time. Sunday often happily remarks prior to (Y/n)’s disappearance that he fondly enjoys listening to them talk. Close friends and regulars corroborate the opposite as he had “never visited the cafe at night.”

- Gallagher's Popularity: Adored by customers, the victim often jokes about him replacing them as owner/barista when they retire. Gallagher declines all their proposals. 

- Relationship Status via Prof. Ratio: Victim is “not dating anyone, not looking to date”. Prof. Ratio was very adamant that they were not lovers with Gallagher or Sunday.

- Sunday's Opinion On The Victim: [Audio file attached]

“I'm not sure why you're suspecting me, Robin. Even though (Y/n) thinks little of me, I enjoy their company very much. I have never met someone who has passionately disliked me as much as they do. I wouldn't want to start missing that voice.”

- Family Bond via Kakavasha: Victim has strong bond with family, unlikely to elope. As the family's “breadwinner”, there is pressure for them to send financial assistance.

- Digital Disappearance: All of the victim’s accounts are offline, unreachable by phone.  The Cyber Investigations Division has yet to find their cell's last known location. Investigator “SW” is assigned to this case.

- Rumors of human trafficking: Word is spreading that there has been a series of other missing people in the area. Some claim a mafia is involved.

- Rumors of rigged election: Mr. McCoy has been implicated in the ████ elections for his role of (allegedly) manipulating the vote count in Penacony City to favor Senator Sunday.

My personal notes:  

04/20/2024: The investigation is ongoing with focus on Gallagher and Sunday as potential suspects. Further inquiries and evidence collection required to determine the whereabouts of (Y/n) (L/n).

They removed me from the fudging case and now I can't do any flipping poop about it. Hecking suspicious that they're so tight-lipped  about some cafe owner's disappearance. Ain't no way something political ain't involved here. They won't let just anyone in. They even have the audacity to get Agents Kafka and Yingxing to look for em. Robin thinks Sunday has something to do with it and now the little bird thinks about partnering up with me. I can't shake her off. Annoying, but I don't want to just do paperwork. Gotta do some legwork for fun.

04/21/24: Gallagher looks like he's genuinely confused by what's happenin. But as an ex-cop (?), he's doing a darn commendable Watchmaker Award worthy job of hiding it. Ya'd think he'd be very aggressive, but the old dog's warming up. Slightly. Dunno. He's being kind of a son of a nice lady about this and I have a stinkin' feeling he's going to try and investigate this matter on his own.

04/21/24: Robin isn't feeling well. I wonder why?

Chapters

1) The First Meeting

[swampstew]

Period HCs with Monster Trio + Law, Killer, and Kid

Ya girl is wracked with cramps, overflowing with emotions, and seriously lacking in chocolate :( enjoy this utter nonsense my blazed brain baked as I curl back into fetal position.

Summary: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Killer, and Kid ranked by how they would handle themselves while you have your period. Implied established relationship♡

Minors DNI.

The worst actually. Not on purpose but Luffy's lack of awareness or self-restraint makes it difficult to appreciate his efforts. Not to mention he eats your snacks. You'd think with Nami and Robin on board he'd have some idea of what you're dealing with. Nope, you have to explain it again, it'll stick this time but it comes with another round of curious/invasive questions.

All your period comfort foods? Gone. The replacements? Also gone. You're lucky if there's a crumb of your favorite snack left over. Thankfully for everyone involved, his crew lends him a hand to make sure you're (eventually) satiated with alternatives and don't go on a murder spree during your cravings. On the flip side, Luffy abuses his power as Captain to have Sanji bring you both all the food when the kitchen is finally restocked. Good luck and bite him back if you have to!

His saving grace is using Gear 2 to cuddle and keep you warm. Giving you heated massages, foot and belly rubs until you're purring like a kitten. Unfortunately, he can only do the same thing for so long before growing bored. He needs a lot of intermittent breaks.

Has no tact, will ask you uncomfortable questions about your "thing going on" or your "comma" because he's so very curious and maybe also looking for ways to "fix you." Once he finds out about period poops, its over for you - there will be hourly check-ins. He'll make sure you're well stocked up on absorption products so there's that (also say thank you Nami, Robin and Franky)!

Zoro is shockingly adaptable but I guess if you spend enough time with one girl for two years - and also live with 2 full time - you're gonna learn a thing or two about having a period. Also, surprisingly reliable at getting you what you need, so long as you don't mind 2 hours to 2 business days to get it. Look he's trying ok?!

Be careful with what you say though. If you joke about cutting your uterus out, he'll take you at face value and have his blades ready. No one is a better slice master than he! Why is Chopper having a heart attack? BRB gotta tend to the younger bro.

Is not phased by your bodily changes or anything you might perceive to be "gross." Bodies are natural and they're just doing what they're meant to do, and for what it's worth he's trying to say things that will make you feel better but they don't always land. This comes from a guy who showers maybe twice a week so take the compliments as you will. He means them with his whole heart!

Out of all the guys, he's the only one who will respect your craving habits in a supportive way. That's to say he'll give you everything you want, but he knows when to cut you off before you make yourself sick. He also has a (terrifying) gift of knowing when your body is flushing itself out and he'll be right at your side with a tampon or pad in his hand at the ready. "I'm very in sync with you."

Ranks third because he's so fucking logical and doctorly. The kind of doctor that expects his medical advice and prognosis to outweigh your personal experience/feelings. Has Law ever experienced intense cramping and a headache while gushing a pint of blood and also pulled a full day's shift? No! "Doctoring" immediately invalid. Unless he gives you paid time off in which case his license is once again formally recognized.

On the OTHER hand, he will always have a colorful variety of options for you to take care of your personal business. He buys all biodegradable products, recyclable ones too! He also offers the best choices in birth control for you. Gynecology wasn't his specialty but taking care of his crew is so he studies and gets his license on the downlow.

Is VERY particular about his time spent and frankly, cuddling in bed isn't something he's entirely excited about. Sure he can do it with Bepo but that's like sleeping with a teddy bear you've had your whole life. Another person is different, especially one that needs his undivided attention and comfort. He'll give it and he won't complain about it, but he's not familiar with it and might be awkward at it for a time. Once he figures out what works best for you and let's himself relax around you, he's got the cuddling and rubbing your belly/lower back down to an exact science.

Questionable palate offerings when he first experiences your cravings. You had to teach him what's what when it comes to comfort eating and nutritional eating when you're in pain and your brain feels a bit scrambled from existing. Ikkaku had tried in the past to broaden the snack closet but it never stuck. With you, Law suddenly remembers to get things outside of his own personal preferences and comforts. It's comfort food for the BEPERIODED, LAW.

It's entirely because he's a chef and a well-groomed cutie that he ranks this highly. Honestly it was neck and neck between him and Law. His resume in the kitchen makes you forget about his perviness and near-infantilization of you.

You'll never have a craving unsatisfied because Sanji will go to the ends of the Earth to curb your hunger. The One Piece and All Blue can wait, his darling needs a rich, velvety chocolate mousse two minutes ago! He absolutely spoils you which may lead to overstuffing you until you feel worse than how the cramps made you feel.

Sanji waits on you hand and foot during your period. Practically carries you from point A to point B if you so wish. It might get annoying after a while if you don't like a hot blonde popping in your face every 10 minutes to offer you something you knew you needed but didn't know you needed right that second and you're kind of annoyed that he got it before you could even vocalize your own needs! Does that happen to anyone else or...? If you're into that pampered lifestyle, Sanji is the guy for you.

He wasn't around women a lot but living with Robin and Nami he did learn about products used and comfort items sought out, which he gives you in abundance. Sanji's weakness - period boobies. The slight swell has him a blubbering mess and he will always try to sneak a peek. He may or may not be able to smell your pheromones - its unclear but he is definitely sniffing you from time to time.

The clear winner out of the others its not even a joke. Is the trifecta of caring, supportive, and intuitive. The Period Manager™ everyone else should go back to their ship. No I am not biased.

Killer is the Chef of Carbo-loading but he knows his way around the kitchen and can make anything you desire at any given time. Desserts aren't his strongest suit but its the effort that makes it taste all the sweeter. You will never be without chocolate, praise be.

You've seen him so you know he knows muscles. Yours will become putty in his hands as he gently massages your aching body. With the help of low dose pain killers, Killer will slay your pain one sore muscle at a time.

Killer is so intuitive that he knows you have your period before you. Has your cubby on the bathroom countertop that includes: pads, tampons, flow-cup, aspirin, fuzzy socks, eye mask, and bottled juice. Your robe is hanging behind the door. He loves you so much.

Haha bitch you though. Kid is the true winner. Killer was the favored winner but you might have forgotten this is me we're talking about and Kid has never done anything wrong in his life ever. I support all his rights and wrongs, and I cheerlead at every speck of effort he puts in.

Where everyone else had mentors or positive authority figures to bond with, Kid had Killer - and Killer tried his fucking best. But not even someone as amazing as Killer can be a single mom and raise a mentally stable, well functioning person in society in a corrupted, gang-ruled regime. HOWEVER - Killer did teach Kid how to treat his period-having partner during their woes and Kid's success is Killer's pride and joy.

Like Luffy, Kid will definitely swipe your snacks and food because he's a greedy, greedy glutton. Prove you can bark back at him to stand your ground and he'll yield to you with a scoff and a pout. He doesn't even LIKE your snacks, he claims🙄 He'll make sure you have enough to satisfy your craving and then have a month supply in the hull of the ship just in case. This is where he'll sneak a few for himself without your notice.

Being the King of Treating Himself, Kid will generously make you things to comfort you. A weighted, heat-controlled blanket; a vibrating teddy bear that hugs your belly; a snack organizer to keep your preferences nearby; a personal cold/hot water cooler; pretty things to make you smile; dirty things to excite you for when its over; the gifts are boundless. So are the period products that he basically just steals from the other women in the crew.

“Captain you better reimburse me for those heavy flow tampons!!”

“I’m busy Quincy. Go bitch to the piggy bank (Wire) about it!!!”

“KILLER STOP THAT MAN!”

In his line of work, he's used to nitty gritty and things better left to the imagination. Also a bit grimy himself on occasion. That said, nothing your body does will ever disgust him. He rolls with whatever you throw at him. Bloodied bedsheets? He'll gently toss you and the sheets in the tub. He'll help clean out your soiled clothes. Buy or steal whatever you need to ease your comfort. Embarrassed by the way you feel or look? He'll give you a reassuring kiss on the cheek and say, "Eh, I've seen/heard/smelled worse."

[freakattack]

hey does wario think of his friends as friends or just CHUMPS who are gullible and do what he says the warioware site gives me mixed signals and so do the games themselves also have this image which tickles my brain because i find this little tidbid super interesting

Yes

Jokes aside he totally does care about them. Remember that the warioware site is written by Wario, who is notoriously emotionally constipated. (Emotionally, I said.) There are plenty of indications that Wario is ride-or-die for his friends despite being an ass when money's involved, and likewise that his friends love him back. In fact, the entire manual for Mega Microgames features each character reminiscing about the first time they met Wario or fun memories they have together. It is also true that Wario doesn't sweat the small issues, or the big issues for that matter. Here is Wario talking about a time that Orbulon crashed into his house and destroyed it (please disregard the poop):

For a guy whose entire existence is based on a petty grudge, he is exceptionally forgiving of those he holds dear. (And of course, they are equally forgiving of him, which is kind of a prerequisite if you want to be friends with Wario.)

He also readily plays jump rope with Kat and Ana, which he could presumably keep up forever if you let him.

And, of course, there's always his A Rank card from WarioWare Gold...

[sparklychaosandotherthings]

Headcanons for Sam Winchester that are true because I say so;

As promised from my poll! (Sorry for the delay; organic chemistry is a BITCH.)

- he does literally NOTHING with his hair, EVER. He barely brushes it, doesn’t use conditioner, and forget to cut it; and yet it looks amazing everyday. Sam is the very definition of “I woke up like this.” (Yes, it drives Dean so far up the wall as he takes a minimum of an hour and a half to get ready)

- he always thinks girls don’t like him, but really; it’s cause he can’t tell when a girl is approaching him and blatantly flirting. (“She seemed really nice!”😁 Dean: 😑)

- before he started hunting with his brother; he was always known as the most positive, upbeat, spunky, innocent person any of his friends knew. But a lots changed since then….

- he likes movies and tv shows; but he doesn’t actually ever watch them. Half the stuff Dean quotes he HAS actually seen, but he always falls asleep or gets distracted and doesn’t remember.

- he’s allergic to sooooooooo many things. So many things. Not really food tho, mainly just the outside. He goes thru about 4 pill packs of allergy meds a week. (He used to only need 1 pack of prescription allergy meds, but since they’ve been on the road he can never get it refilled, let alone renewed.)

- the reason why Sam knows so much about fairy tales; (and Dean doesn’t even remember this) is because whenever Sam couldn’t get to sleep as a kid, Dean would read him whatever fairytale kids - book he could snag from whatever public library they were near at the time.

- the worlds worst dancer, both Winchester brothers are, but Sam is the worse of the two. It’s because Dean at least owns the moves, Sam just looks like he has to poop….

- his left ear IS pierced. It was a dare from his friends in college, he doesn’t wear it around Dean cause he would never hear the end of it…. (But he just couldn’t bear to let the piercing close up/heal, he secretly thinks it’s so cool)

- CAFFEINE ADDICT. The man cannot do anything without his coffee, tea, soda, if it’s caffeinated, he’s drinkin it. (As a consequence of this; he LOVES Starbucks. pumpkin spice lattes + 4 expresso shots = happy sam)

- he’s SUCH a light sleeper. And Dean is a SNORER. It’s a nightmare. (And not the prophetic traumatic kind)

- he kinda hates driving. He doesn’t really mind in the impala cause he’s used to it, but he only really volunteers to drive now when he knows Dean needs rest. He thinks driving is boring and he always has to force his eyes to stay on the road ahead.

- he thinks Dean is the funniest person alive. He laughs on the inside at all of his brothers jokes. (He wouldn’t admit that even on his deathbed, demons couldn’t torture that info out of him)

- kids kinda make him nervous. His regular charm doesn’t really work on kids, they’re always unpredictable, and they’re so fragile. He of course is always kind to them, but he’s not really comfortable with them.

- he was obsessed with dinosaurs as a child; one of his secret greatest wishes’, is to have a case somehow involve dinosaurs. Dinosaur ghosts.

- he has a pretty heavy southern accent like Dean, but in law school, people didn’t take him seriously tho, so he practiced for 4 months to drop the accent. (He slips sometimes when he gets really mad or excited)

I threw in a few more Headcanons then I normally would cause I felt bad for making y’all wait so long!!! 💜

[abandoned-anemoia]

Time of Love pt.2

☯ Pairing: Dad!San x reader  ☯ Genre: fluff ☯ Word count: 1.1k ☯ Summary: A day in the life of you and San being parents can be quite eventful. ☯ Warnings: none?  ☯ A/N: Please Let me know if I need to add any warnings! ☯Disclaimer: None of my work represents any of the idols included in any way. This is merely fictional and all based on my opinion as a joke! I have nothing against any of these idols and love them all dearly.

This can be read as a stand alone, but here is pt.1 if you want to read it :)

Please do not copy, translate, or post as your own!

The smell of the piping hot pancakes wafts through the house, drawing San out of bed and into the kitchen to see your frame standing in front of the stove, flipping the doughy circle in the pan. A stack of the breakfast food sits on a plate next to the stove as he watches you add another to the pile. 

He makes his way over to your form, sneaking his arms around your waist and pressing a kiss to your cheek before lying his head on your shoulder, "Good morning, Angel." 

"Good morning, My Love." Smiling as he squeezes you tighter, you turn off the stove, having finished making breakfast only moments after his arms wrapped around you. 

Not wanting to leave his embrace, you turn your body to face him. Puffy cheeks, pouty lips, and squinting eyes come into view, your heart swelling at the sight of your very sleepy looking husband. 

Unable to stop yourself, you press a soft kiss to his pout, watching as a smile replaces it when you pull away, "Will you go wake Minjae up while I fix a plate for him?" 

San hums, leaving a kiss on your forehead as he retracts his arms from around you. Just before he turns to leave the room, Minjae wanders in, seemingly being led by his nose as he sniffs the air, same puffy cheeks and furrowed eyebrows as his father. 

"Hey, buddy! You want some pancakes?" As if San had said the magic words, Minjae's eyes shoot open impossibly wide, a bright smile forming on his lips as he bounds toward the table, ready to climb into his chair and eat breakfast. 

Letting out a joyous laugh at his son's excitement, San moves to lift Minjae into his chair. You turn back to the counter, grabbing a small plate for Minjae, cutting up the pancake and drizzling some of the sweet smelling maple syrup over it before walking it over to him. Carefully setting it down, you hand Minjae the fork, shooting a look towards San, silently telling him to watch the young boy while you fix plates for the two of you. 

Minjae had a dream to tell you about over breakfast. A dream involving you, San, and a magical fairy that pooped butterflies and shot rainbows out of her fingers. His very detailed descriptions of the strange dream had you and San struggling to breathe through your laughter while he continued his very serious retelling. 

After breakfast, San cleans up the plates as you wipe down your very messy eater of a son and ask him what he wants to do for the day. His eyes light up, an idea immediately popping into his head, "Can we go to the zoo?!"  

You glance at San, silently asking if that would be okay with him, but his bright smile and excited eyes answer your question. Turning back to Minjae, his eyes glossy and sparkling, you give him a nod, confirming his hopes.

You walk through the entrance of the zoo, one of Minjae's small hands in yours, his other in San's while you swing him between the two of you. San asks Minjae where he wants to go first, your son quickly begging to see his favorite animal first—the elephants. 

When you reach the elephants, Minjae sits happily upon San's shoulders as he copies the elephants, an arm in front of his face, waving around, and making a trumpet sound with his mouth. San quietly mimics Minjae's trumpeting, a subconscious but endearing action. 

Minjae's giggles are hypnotic, addicting, like a drug you just can't live without. The sound is a common occurrence throughout the day. Minjae has full conversations with the parrots that know just enough words to convince the little boy that they can continue his conversation. He excitedly roars at the lions and tigers resting in their enclosures. He mimics the monkey's every move as he walks along beside the glass. No matter how many times you had gone to the zoo and seen the same animals, Minjae still had the same wonder filled amazement—just like his father. 

The day was long and hot, but fun nonetheless. Minjae happily skips to the car after the successful zoo trip, ready to go home.

Once you make it home, Minjae is bounding around the house acting as different animals and somehow managing to successfully scare San on multiple occasions. You decide that both of your lovely boys still have too much energy. To counter that, you suggest a movie night, convincing your boys to help you build a fort using the couch cushions and a bunch of blankets.

Sitting inside of the now built fort, you open the end facing the television, "What movie do you wanna watch, Min?" 

The little boy taps a finger on his chin in thought, the dramatics making you and San chuckle before the make believe light bulb above Minjae's head seems to click on, "Shrek!" 

San sighs, knowing you both have been forced to watch 'Shrek' one time too many, "Don't you wanna watch 'Puss In Boots' instead?" 

"Noooo." Minjae wasn't exactly upset by the suggestion, but you know you will be watching 'Shrek' again, one way or another.

The movie starts with you and San leaning against the couch, his arm around your shoulders and your head lying on his chest. Minjae lies on his stomach at your feet, entranced by the movie playing on the screen. But as the credits start to roll, Minjae has crawled into your lap, draping himself across San's as well before falling fast asleep. Your eyes are droopy, sleep threatening to overcome you. San squeezes your arm causing you to look up at him in question. 

His voice is quiet, trying not to wake Minjae up as he speaks, "Let's head to bed so our backs won't hate us in the morning." 

Nodding in agreement, you carefully lift Minjae into your arms and crawl your way out of the fort, San following closely behind. You carry your toddler to his room, ready to tuck him in and call it a night when he wakes up, his voice hushed, "Can I sleep with you and daddy tonight?"

Not being able to say no to his big doe eyes and sleepy voice, you nod, carrying him back to your shared bedroom. San is curled up under the covers, a confused look on his face when you tuck minjae between the two of you, "Cuddle night?" 

"Cuddle night." You confirm, pulling your son closer to you as San pulls you both into his arms, planting a kiss on top of Minjae's head before pecking your lips. His fingers trace shapes on your back as Minjae snuggles into his chest, the three of you falling into a peaceful sleep. 

[bloofinntoona]

Polyjuice Shenanigans: Part I

Word Count: 1.5 k

Themes: fluff, kinda funny me thinks, sebastian sallowxf!reader, garreth weasleyxominis gaunt

Summary: sebastian and garreth drank a potion that made them swap bodies - chaos ensues.

A/N: A little cheat sheet so it's not confusing: if I put single quotation mark on a character, it means they are acting in their swapped body. For example: 'Sebastian' means Garreth in Seb's body, vice versa - hope it makes sense!

If Sebastian Sallow had to confess his true feelings, he would easily agree that Garreth Weasley was one of his closest friends in Hogwarts. He didn't go around the school parading his friendship with the redhead though, both of them are known to be absolute troublemakers, so it would be wise to hide their friendship from the professors' prying eyes. It started from a mutually beneficial trade, Sebastian stole a book from the restricted section for an extra mandrake root from Garreth. From then on, they began to exchange knowledge about potions and spells, with casual banters here and there. 

"Psst... Over here, Sallow!" Sebastian looked over his shoulder, spotting a friendly face hiding behind a huge pillar in the Transfiguration Courtyard. Garreth pointed to an empty storage room, motioning Sebastian to follow him. Sebastian rolled his eyes at the mischievous grin Garreth had plastered across his face. He knew that meant trouble.

"This better be worth my time." Sebastian joined the Gryffindor student in the small space, coughing as the dust clogged his nose. 

"Oh, I bet it will!" Garreth beamed, producing two vials filled with glowing blue liquid, "I will cut to the chase, I made a potion that lets people hear others' thoughts. Telepathy, if you will!"

Sebastian furrowed his brows, taking a close look at the suspicious potions, "Okay, and where do I fit in this?"

"Ah, my dear friend Sebastian, you know that telepathy involves two people?" Garreth wiggled his eyebrows, pushing a vial into Sebastian's chest.

"And you want me to drink this with you to test it out?" The chestnut-haired boy took the vial, "Why would I do this?"

Garreth tapped his chin, pretending to think, "Well, remember how I got you that kneazel fur a few weeks ago? Poppy found out that I stole from the bestiary and made me clean mooncalves poop for days - thank you very much!"

Oh, Sebastian just remembered how Garreth smelled absolutely foul, and that he didn't want to ever see mooncalves for the rest of his life. He opened the vial, clinking the glass against Garreth's, who was now smiling widely, "bottoms up."

They both drank the potion at the same time. Sebastian physically gagged at how foul the taste was, perhaps a medley of wet socks and soil, "Merlin's hairy balls, what did you-" Before he could finish his sentence, Sebastian started to feel funny, his visions blurred, but he could feel his hair growing, while the muscle under his skin moved and jolted. He was familiar with this feeling, in fact, he figured that he was transforming into someone else, and the effect of a Polyjuice potion. As his vision started to clear, he almost jumped seeing an exact copy of himself in front of him, the only main difference was that 'Sebastian' was wearing a red Gryffindor robe and uniform.

An apologetic smile formed on 'Sebastian's' face, "I'm sorry?"

"Don't tell me. The base recipe was Polyjuice, wasn't it?"

'Sebastian' nodded, reaching his hand to touch 'Garreth's' cheeks. 'Garreth' slapped the hand away, "Hey, at least you look better now, Sallow." he joked.

"Ha-ha. Funny. Okay, when will this last?" 

'Sebastian' took out his notes, and then his face fell, reading a clear note that the Polyjuice potion will either last for a couple of hours or even a full day. He read the excerpt out loud, eliciting a loud groan from 'Garreth'.

"It will be fine, Sebastian! We finished classes for today. All we need to do is just sleep it off, and I bet we will be alright tomorrow. Just don't get caught." There you have the typical Gryffindor's positivity on display.

'Garreth' nodded, it might not be so terrible after all. And then it dawned on him, he promised Y/N, his girlfriend, to study together for their N.E.W.Ts tonight. He had been pining for the new fifth year for a year and finally mustered the courage to confess his feelings in the middle of the sixth year. Y/N was probably one of the best things that happened to Sebastian after the series of unfortunate events in his life, and in turn, he was very possessive of the girl. It ranged from public displays of affection, and the daggers he shot from his eyes whenever another male student had the decency to flirt with his girlfriend. And with the current situation, Weasley, in his body, would be the one snogging Y/N tonight.

"I promised Y/N to study together tonight..." 'Garreth' muttered under his breath, 'Sebastian' caught that, face now pale with thoughts about being buried six feet deep if he dared to lay a single finger on the girl.

"Sebastian, I promised I will not inappropriately touch Y/N. You have my word, as a Gryffindor, and as a friend." 'Sebastian' tapped 'Garreth's' shoulder. 

The two boys emerged from the dingy storage room in their proper attire, after swapping their uniforms hastily. 'Garreth' swept his hair back in annoyance, writing a mental note that he would not grow his hair this long, every part of his face itching. "Act normal." he heard the other boy whisper, trailing him from behind.

"Sure. Let me just harass younger students for potion ingredients." 

'Sebastian' rolled his eyes, "Okay, then I'll just go ahead and brood with my book. What do you read anyways? Erotica?"

As 'Garreth' was about to inflict some sort of pain on the fake Slytherin student, he spotted Y/N in the corner of his eyes, striding towards them.

"Darling-" He immediately covered his mouth, his eyes motioned 'Sebastian' to greet her.

"Ah, my beautiful girlfriend, the butter to my beer, what can I do for you?" 'Sebastian' held his hand to hug Y/N, but he quickly retracted his limbs when 'Garreth's' burning gaze pierced through him. 

Y/N stared at her boyfriend, furrowing her brows at the boy's unusual behavior, "Alright, then." She snaked her arms around his, clinging onto what she thought was Sebastian. 'Garreth' gritted his teeth in annoyance, but he, fortunately, had enough self-control to continue the charade. 

"If you boys are done, I'll steal Sebastian." Y/N chuckled, "he promised to teach me Transfiguration. Merlin, help me I think I'm failing the class."

"I think you're amazing, and you'll definitely ace the class." 'Garreth' muttered with a smile, before panic set in his eyes, realizing that he currently was in a different body.

Y/N was visibly taken aback, 'Sebastian' felt her body tensing, he also knew that if they were in a normal situation, real Sebastian would have chewed him off for flirting with his lover. "Ah, uh," he eyed the fake Garreth in front of him, "Let's get out of here, Y/N!" 'Sebastian' dragged Y/N away from 'Garreth', "Also, remember, Garreth, Leander is waiting for you in the common room!"

'Garreth' whipped his head back, letting out an exasperated groan, Great, he was stuck with Leander while Garreth got to have fun with Y/N. He dragged his feet to Gryffindor's common room, muttering every single cuss known to mankind. 

"Where are we going again?" 'Sebastian' stopped in his tracks, realizing that he dragged off Y/N aimlessly, totally forgetting to ask the real Sebastian where the lovebirds were planning to study. 

"Sebastian, you're acting weird today. Are you sick?" Y/N put her palm against her supposed boyfriend's forehead.

"I'm fine, truly," the cogs started to turn in his brain, thinking of a viable excuse of his understandably odd behavior, "I think the classes today were a bit overwhelming, to be quite honest."

"Makes sense. Professor Bin's class is the worst, I think even Amit fell asleep earlier," she laughed, "Let's just go back to the dorm. I'll ask Ominis to brew one of his posh tea bags."

Hearing Ominis' name, 'Sebastian's' face turned into a light shade of pink. There was a lot to account for being in Sebastian's body, but Garreth completely forgot that he was able to be closer to a certain Slytherin boy he had been harboring a crush for.

At the first glance, one would assume Ominis Gaunt to be an arrogant boy who enjoyed slandering people. Yet the more you knew Ominis, you'd realize that he was a kind soul, genuinely cared for his friends, and his jokes (especially about people that he disliked) were beyond hilarious. It was during one of Sharp's classes, that particular day, they were having a test to brew a vial of Invisibility potion. Garreth was a bright boy, but due to his constant "additions" to his potions, he totally blanked. Although he didn't utter a single word, he felt a nudge on his elbow. The redhead looked at Ominis, who was stationed next to him, the Slytherin leaned in, whispering "By the ghastly smell of your potion, I bet you forgot to add some dittany leaves." Garreth nodded, proceeding with his assignment, actually completing it without any explosions - even Professor Sharp was surprised that Garreth actually didn't mess up.

"Thanks for the help, Ominis, I never thought I would get one from you." Garreth caught the Slytherin after class.

"Weasley, I could sense your panic from miles away. And I'm not looking forward to having my brows burned away from your explosions," he smirked. With that, Garreth felt a lump on his chest that he never felt before. 

Oh dear, this situation has proven to be more difficult than he thought.

A/N: had so much fun writing this! Def will continue this when I have the time soon. :D

[lloowweesss]

Hello- I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now as said before most of my inspiration is from the comic Reprogramed by @littlecrittereli

Notes: it’s short and ep2 is here!!

Figured I should put a DISCLAIMER- cussing, Russian people (mabe they scare you)

And please I still need a name- please message me!

Enough yaping without further ado

Ep1 “привет”

The crisp blue sky only visible above the thick green trees, and through the trees a small uninhabited grassy area was whare Jimmy the red-headed pilot decided to land the Tortuga.

—————————

“Yo Chris whare are you?! You win okay!” Martin the older of the two called out in an exhausted tone as he landed on a branch of a tall Amazon tree.

The two brothers had been testing out the new creatures Aviva programmed by playing a little game of “cat and mouse” in the thick jungle or in this case Martin as a Blue Macaw, and Chris as a Oncilla commonly known as the Amazon’s smallest cat.

The small cat who had followed the macaw for a while now took his chance to finally pounce-

“AAaAhH!!” Martin screamed as he and the cat fell from the branch deactivating their suits and landing in a pile of what he assumed could only could be described as animal shit.

“Eww..” Chris exaggerated before quickly making his way out of the animal droppings then pulling his blond haired brother out of the mess while trying to get the brown substance off of him, though he noticed his brother squatting back down to then further examine the sample.

“Too small to be some type of large animal, snakes don’t poop-“ Martin began before being interrupted by his younger brother.

“Bro what?! Snakes have to poop how else are they supposed empty thier stomachs?” Chris exclaimed as he exchanged a confused look with the blonder of the two, just when Martin was about to open his mouth his creature pod lit up- to their knowledge it was just another villain trying to harm some animal usually ending with them running away though either way they had to hurry.

As the two rushed back to the Tortuga jumping over trees and such, Chris noticed a small tooth lying on the ground he decided to pick it up and quickly shove it into his pocket before trying to catch up with his brouther who hadn’t stoped.

—————————

Back at the Tortuga Koki had pulled up the distress call on the main screen, apparently it was suspected to be a exchange for animal testing Aviva informed the two the signal was near by but it was difficult to be precise, Chris on the other hand realized the tooth he was holding belonged to an Oncilla.

“Hey- Aviva got another Oncilla disk?” The biologist eagerly asked.

“In fact I just finished anouther one for Martin just in case- why?” The scientist confused handed the disk to Martin.

“Great!” He pulled out the tooth and activated his suit, the older of the two decided to follow.

“The small size and flexibility is perfect for a stealth mission!” He explained, though Aviva had her doubts Koki had aredy pushed them out the door.

“Be careful it’s getting dark!” Aviva yelled nervously as the two entered the forest with the sun on the horizon Martin couldn’t help but feel a little anxious.

After a cupple of minutes of sneaking though the forest the two brothers came upon a small black plane, to their knowledge it looked liked Zach’s plane just smaller Martin now feeling a little less anxious looked at his brother and whispered “let’s go”.

————————

They climbed in though a window being overly cautious given they could only assume who was involved, once they had climbed into the building they noticed was pitch black.

“I can’t see a thing-” Chris said in a hushed voice given there circumstances.

“Naw really?” Martin joked sarcastically copying the same tone as his brother.

Part of the room suddenly lit up when a blond figure appeared standing in front of what seemed to be a research station with an operation table in the middle, upon further inspection the two noticed a Russian flag hung from the wall behind her- then suddenly a radio taht had been lying on a counter lit up,

“Did вы get the Кролики?”

*did you get the rabbits?*

The blond woman Responded in a heavy Russian accent, “yes.”

Martin the bolder of the two looked at his brother and said “you ready-” As he jumped from the boxes creating a loud crash, Chris on the outher hand jumped off his pile just before it came crashing down.

Chris feeling a little hazy after regaining balance with his only instinct being fight, but seeing his brother run strait at the woman he saw a human like bot about to tackle his brother he pounced and managed to push his brother out of the way, though Chris was now trapped under this bot which oddly resembled one of Donita’s manikins, his eyes now blurry he kept telling himself to stay awake and fight, but it was no use.

—————————

When Chris had finally woke up he was met with a sharp pain in his right temple, while attempting to soothe the pain he realized that he was no longer an Oncilla and he had in fact been tied up, it didn’t help he couldn’t see so in a desperate attempt to locate his brother he yelled out into the pitch black

“Martin?!” No response This was bad

He waited for a minute or so until an single overhead lightbulb flickered on, Chris’s eyes immediately began searching for his brouther or at least a clue to where he was- since he couldn’t find anything just by desperately searching he decided to listen.

————————

Martin on the other hand having seen his little brother knocked out and dragged away into the shadows found himself tied up, he had been practically screaming demands into the shadows in attempt to hopefully get some answers though it seemed unlikely in a final attempt he shouted

“If you hurt my brother I Swear I’ll will fucking kill you.”

Just then the blond woman from before had entered the dimly lit room, older Kratt now getting a closer look at her he noticed she was wearing what looked to be an old Russian soldier uniform fitted to her shape with black platform boots, though he assumed they were still in the Amazon she still wore a Russian snow cap which confused the older Kratt.

“Привет-“ Her voice worrisome knowing they’ve seen to much to turn back now.

[destinygoldenstar]

I Answer The Would You Rather Questions From TD2023 Episode 17

(IK what you're gonna say about the title, idc, I'm calling it one long season because I feel like it)

Here's the video I'm basing this off of in case you're curious.

Would You Rather...

A) Camp in a Graveyard for a month

B) Go without toilet paper for a week

I WANT to say I wouldn't be scared cause zombies aren't real, BUT I'd be lying cause in real life, I'm anxious like no tomorrow. Plus at least with the other it's a lesser timespan.

B

(I relate to Damien so hard with this one.)

Would You Rather...

A) Have to wear clown makeup for a year

B) Have your direct messages made public

I don't actually DM that much, most you'd find are a bunch of sex bots that I blocked immediately, and other than that it's really just me answering people's questions about media. So I can't really say I'd lose much.

But honestly, I think clown makeup is actually pretty fun. Didn't say I wouldn't get to design the makeup myself. I'd just be cosplaying as Pomni, and I think I'd be okay with that cause Pomni is adorable.

A ; For the fun of it

Would You Rather...

A) Lose the passwords to all your devices everyday

B) Spend the entire next school year in a hot dog costume

Jokes on you Chris, I'm not in school anymore.

B

I SUCK at passwords anyway. So, NO THANKS.

Would You Rather...

A) Be Hockey Superstar *Whatever he said*

B) Be the puck that scored the game winning goal in the 1980 cup finals

One, I am not a sports person let alone a hockey person

Two, I was not alive in the 1980s!

I'd go with B cause I don't want to 'be other people'. I do that in fiction already and with my cynical online persona. I don't do that in real life.

Would You Rather...

A) Slide naked down a ski hill

B) Spend a day in a wave pool that uses bark instead of water

I hate the cold. So let alone being naked, it would suck.

But swimming in VOMIT?!

NO THANKS

A

Would You Rather...

A) Popcorn that tastes like poop

B) Poop that tastes like popcorn

NEITHER.

Straight up. NEITHER.

I hate both of these so much. I do not understand how Zee can possibly pick one without hesitation. (Then again, it is Zee, so...)

I am SUCH a sensitive eater. I will vomit no doubt at both of these.

I guess technically one isn't s**t, it's just the flavor sucks, so... A?

But if there was an option to pick C, I'd do it.

Screw the rules of this challenge. make it a trick question and have the person fall no matter what. TROLL, Chris. Why wasn't there a troll like that in the challenge? I'm surprised.

Would You Rather...

A) Take truth serum and be questioned by Chef

B) Only be able to eat Chef's cooking for a whole year

Again, sensitive eater over here.

DEFINITELY A.

Would You Rather...

A) Eat a bowl of toenail clippings

B) Not shower for a month

I'm actually tolerant to nail clippings, but AGAIN...

B

He said SHOWER, he said nothing about baths, swimming, deodorant, washing your hands and face, etc. So YEAH, it's actually not that bad if you think about it.

Would You Rather...

A) Eat 200 Lemons

B) Wrestle your best friend's grandpa

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CHOICES THAT INVOLVE EATING SOMETHING?!

I'm a softie, so I'd lose, BUT...

My best friend in particular actually hates her grandparents. So she'd love me if I wrestled them, even if I'd lose.

B

Would You Rather...

A) Eat pudding directly from a gorilla's armpit

B) Jump from a plane with a parachute packed by your ex

In the episode, they make this sound worse than it actually is.

Or maybe that's just me because I actually DON'T HAVE AN EX

(At the time I am posting this)

HA! GOTCHA!

B

Even if I were to break up with my partner just for the sake of doing this, (then get back with her afterwards) she is very skilled with this sort of stuff, has made several crafts like this, and I trust her completely.

Usually I'd hate falling, or anything that involves a vertical motion like that, BUT there's a parachute so it wouldn't be that bad.

And at this point, you'd know I'd do basically anything to get out of eating nasty stuff. If my choices are something to go off of my character.

Would You Rather...

A) Fight one bear

B) Fight 100 Rabid Kittens

I'd lose no matter what.

I am a HUGE cat person, so at least I'd be used to the kitten's scratching and biting. And maybe I'd tame them rather than fight them. That's my method of fighting.

Bear? I'd DIE.

B

(Also i love Wayne and Raj here. They're so cringe in the wholesome way)

Would You Rather...

A) Give up texting for five years

B) Lose your bathing suit at a crowded wave pool

I text my partner ALL THE TIME, and I will NEVER GIVE THAT UP

B

At least with this option I could just run away, just one embarrassing moment rather than stuck there for five years or something.

And if someone said took a video of me and posted it, uh, JAIL FOR THEM, CAUSE THAT'S ILLEGAL

Would You Rather...

A) Dirt poor but celebrated as a great poet

B) A filthy rich lawyer who puts guilty criminals back on the street

Hello. I'm a writer.

I ain't gonna put people in danger like that.

A

Would You Rather...

A) Be genetically merged with a warthog

B) Have Chris McLean as your dad

First off, who f****d a warthog to begin with?

You know Chris as a person, you know it would be AWFUL

A

Looks don't matter, I'd say

Would You Rather...

A) Apologize for something you're not sorry for

B) Go bald by the time you're 23

In the episode they act like this is a really hard one because it's Chase.

I knew what he was gonna say right away. You see ONE episode with this guy, you KNOW his answer.

SERIOUSLY EMMA, HE'S YOUR EX, HOW DO YOU SCREW THAT UP?! HOW?!

Anyway, for MY answer,

I'm not a jerk.

A

Yeah I have stuff I'm not sorry for, but it is leagues better than hair loss. Let me tell you.

Also I realized Julia didn't get questioned at all. What's up with that?

What are your answers? Reblog them. I'm curious.

[solarizer0]

on roshambo, the dreamer.

admittedly, i have the memory of a goldfish, and don’t remember things very well, so please note that whatever follows is probably only true of the roshambo that lives in my head (who also refuses to pay rent or get out), and not necessarily true of the ro in canon.

with that out of the way! 

if i had to distil the essence of season 4 roshambo into a single theme, it would be “dreams”, or the lack thereof. there are two versions of ro that exist within my mind, defined by zam’s betrayal of mapicc and ro, the two versions henceforth referred to as pre-betrayal and post-betrayal.

pre-betrayal ro was many things: carefree, playful, perhaps even endearing to his friends. but, above all, he was the epitome of the idealistic dreamer. (well, about as idealistic as one can get on lifesteal.) in addition to his strange, jarring humour, i.e. the constant jokes about bodily fluids and the other gross things that make ro’s streams utterly unwatchable if you happen to be eating at the same time, ro had height and freakishly long limbs that made him clumsy. he’d seem almost like a silly little puppy, bumbling about, tripping over his own two feet every couple of minutes. he might even have been the type to daydream, spacing out during conversations (mapicc probably going “are you even listening, ro? i swear, if you’re thinking up another poop joke, i’m actually going to kill you.” and zam, in between his own laughs, helpfully adding that he would only stop mapicc a little bit). he’d be the type to get  distracted while grinding materials, solely because he thought of something that set off a tangent in his head. 

this is not to say that pre-betrayal ro was all rainbows and sunshine, innocence and optimism. he was dangerous in his own right, and it would have been a costly mistake for anyone to take him for a fool. his active involvement in, perhaps even instigation of the petrification, as well as all of the duping he willingly partook in cannot be ignored. he may have seemed or, generously, really been a goofball, but the nature of lifesteal demands of everyone the willingness to hurt others, and i firmly believe that ro did have a selfish streak (here, including his teammates’ benefit, not just his own), even if he didn’t realise it. 

it is difficult to explain, the way ro is a hopeful dreamer even if the rest of the server might not necessarily see him that way. this is, in my silly little head, how the petrification came to be. “isn’t it a shame?” ro, interrupting mapicc and zam’s conversation to lament the ephemeral nature of spawn, the kind of concern only an idealistic dreamer like him could bother to care, or do anything, about. dismissively, mapicc tells him to get his head out of the clouds, but zam (who i believe to be characterised by control and paranoia) sees how them being the ones to immortalise spawn can only be a win-win. with how spawn is literally the heart of the server, to permanently alter it would be an undeniable show of power, of control, over everyone else, because they probably won’t like it, but what can they do about it? and on the off-chance that everyone else does like it? well, for zam, there’s very little difference between being feared and being loved. and while ro may not have originally intended the immortalisation of spawn to be a display of power, his “darker streak”, so to speak, is more than happy to see it to adopt that more selfish intention. lastly, mapicc’s hands take those loose, floating ideas, seeing exactly how he needs to stitch them together to make them real, so he’s the one who suggests using obsidian. and thus, the petrification was set in motion.

and then, in standard zam fashion: he stabs them in the back, and runs.

mapicc is furious, of course. not because he didn’t see it coming, he did (this is zam he’s talking about), but because he didn’t think zam actually had the guts to do it. guess he didn’t know zam as well as he thought he did.

and ro? well, ro’s the only one who didn’t see it coming. 

unintentionally insensitive, mapicc calls ro “naive”. ro grabs him by the neck, eyes glittering, and demands to know why mapicc kept zam around for so long and gave him so much, if he had always known that zam was going to betray them. mapicc’s silence makes ro cry.

ro cries more during the weeks that follow than he has the entire past year. mapicc knows he’s lucky if he can get ro to stomach anything at all, so he pretends to be asleep when he hears ro moving around in the kitchen at 4am, even though it’s the third time he’s had popcorn for dinner in five days. mapicc also doesn’t comment on how every single item in the base containing a hint of yellow (that mapicc himself hasn’t already smashed to shards) moves repeatedly between ro’s room and the trash can. one day it stops, and mapicc almost thinks they’re gone for good, until he realises that all ro’s done is paint over the yellow parts with red. mapicc averts his eyes when he feels ro staring at him from all the dark parts of their base, ro’s gaze digging into his back, as if trying to pry from him a confession that mapicc was going to be just like zam, and he was going to betray ro someday. 

ro didn’t have a habit of keeping his summoned hands around, and for the most part he still doesn’t, except now mapicc can always see the outline of two hands, one in each of ro’s hoodie pockets. ro’s never actually showed them to mapicc, but some mornings mapicc finds him slumped over the kitchen counter with a bag of stale popcorn clutched tightly in his fist, one disembodied hand tangled in his hair, and the other held gently to his cheek. mapicc tries not to think about how the hands are wearing red and yellow adornments respectively, and mapicc definitely hasn’t ever stood in the doorway listening to ro quietly mumble his name and zam’s over, and over, and over again. (mapicc didn’t stick around the second time it happened.) (if he did, he might have seen the way ro watched mapicc leave with bloodshot eyes, intertwining his fingers with the mapicc-hand’s cold ones in a pitiful attempt at self-consolation.)

the first time ro sees zam since then, zam is tearing up the obsidian at spawn and replacing it with dirt. ro’s eyes can’t help but trail the obsidian blocks as zam tosses them away. can a wound that hasn’t begun to close reopen again? 

there is hatred in zam’s eyes. ro knows, knows that he should have stopped there, should have let himself be fooled by the disguise, should have let that be closure and turn around and leave and do anything but poke further … but ro’s a god damn hopeless dreamer, isn’t he, and asking questions he doesn’t want the answers to is just what he does. 

behind the hatred, zam offers a genuine apology, but there isn’t a sliver of the regret that ro desperately needs. 

in a fit of grief, he kills zam.

the living nightmare that is post-betrayal ro becomes recognisable only by his physical appearance, and even in that respect, he has mutated so much. he no longer trips over his own two feet. every stride casually measured, ro gradating towards the splitting image of some kind of heavenly serpent. the way he carries himself now, every grand movement of his long, elegant limbs persuasively insistent and firmly coaxing, makes being around this version of ro stifling in every sense of the word. the jokes that come out of his mouth should, by all means, be hilarious. they’re the same jokes as before, contain the same words and the same punchlines, but it’s the detached and uninvested way ro delivers them now, as if he were reciting the lines for the sole sake of saying something, that makes it hard for anyone, even mapicc, to genuinely laugh at them anymore. 

i don’t quite remember where i read this, but there was this brilliant idea that between ro and mapicc, even though mapicc seems like the mastermind, in truth, ro is the real puppeteer who’s pulling on the strings. i agree with this completely! despite how much it seems like it’s ro who’s entertaining mapicc’s violent tendencies, i believe it’s the other way round, where mapicc is the one playing along and giving in to ro’s insanity. 

it might be because mapicc’s not confident that he actually has the option to say no to ro’s ideas anymore. zam’s betrayal tore apart everything ro had previously believed to be unshakable truth. (zam’s betrayal was likely glaringly obvious, yet ro was blind to it, perhaps because he’s so focused on looking at the big picture around him that he doesn’t notice the little things happening right next to him. but i also think, that even if he did notice, it’s unlikely that his idealistic nature would have allowed him to internalise the notion of betrayal enough for him to even consider that it could actually happen.) (i think that both zam and this version of ro have elements of paranoia deeply embedded within them, they just have different reactions. zam reacts to paranoia by actively trying to make sense of it, i.e. his signs, which are meant to help him “get out of his head” and work through his problems logically, fighting to take back the control that he lost. on the other hand, i feel that ro reacts to paranoia with fear, with passivity, and is likely to shy away and let it run its course because he doesn’t know how to fix it without making it worse. that is exactly what happens here. in a sense, post-betrayal ro is pre-betrayal ro, if the only thing he could ever feel is paranoia and helplessness, and it is then true that pre-betrayal ro is still somewhere within post-betrayal ro, but that might not matter at all with how irrevocably, deeply suppressed and locked away pre-betrayal ro is.) the only thing mapicc can predict about this foreign ro, is that he’s unpredictable. 

and maybe, even if mapicc could “safely” leave ro, he wouldn’t, because he was there, forced to watch, horrified by what zam leaving did to ro. he’s not sure whether ro’s ever going to be mentally or emotionally capable of handling even the implication that mapicc’s thinking about leaving, and mapicc’s not going to take those chances.

that is, until he has no choice but to put ro down, the same way you set a miserably sick puppy, whose incurable condition eats away at it by the day, into sleep’s gentle hands. because ro’s not zam, doesn’t know how to fight his paranoia, and he’s not mapicc, who keeps his paranoia out by constructing walls of sheer rage. ro is just ro, is helpless against the paranoia that chews up his dreams and spits them out as nightmares, is both living through a nightmare and the living nightmare.

mapicc’s sword in his back cures ro of his paranoia.

the dreamer learns to dream again.

[maaarine]

Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity (Peggy Orenstein, 2020)

"When caught out, boys typically claim that they thought they were being “funny,” just joking around.

And in a way that makes sense—if, that is, you have been denied full emotional expression, been trained to suppress empathy, and consider cruelty, “ribbing,” or making demeaning sexual comments about women to be forms of bonding.

Such “humor” may even, when left unexamined, seem like an extension of the gross-out comedy of childhood: little boys are famous for their fart jokes, booger jokes, poop jokes, barf jokes.

It’s how they test boundaries, understand the human body, gain a little social cred with other guys.

But, as with sports, their glee in that can both enable and camouflage sexism. (…)

In order for gross, crude, sexual, or even slapstick humor to be funny to its audience, researchers have found, it has to succeed in two contradictory things: violating morals (that is, it has to be disgusting) while seeming harmless, detached from any true reality; certainly you can’t feel concern or identification with its subject.

That a dead baby joke would be a whole lot less funny if you first described in detail how the baby suffered, the grief of the parents, the horror of the funeral.

So, in order for boys to believe any of these antics were amusing, they had to systematically ignore the humanity of the girls involved—and that is not harmless at all. (…)

“Hilarious” is another way, under pretext of horseplay or group bonding, that boys learn to disregard others’ feelings as well as their own.

“Hilarious” is a safe haven, a default position when something is inappropriate, confusing, upsetting, depressing, unnerving, or horrifying; when something is simultaneously sexually explicit and dehumanizing; when it defies their ethics; when it evokes any of the emotions meant to stay safely behind that wall.

“Hilarious” offers distance, allowing them to subvert a more compassionate response that could be read as weak, overly sensitive, or otherwise unmasculine.

“Hilarious” is particularly troubling as a defense among bystanders—if assault is “hilarious,” they don’t have to take it seriously, they don’t have to respond: there is no problem."

[adarkrainbow]

One very interesting to note when comparing the "literary" fairytales and the "folkloric" fairytales - the fairytales actually rewritten or entirely written by authors for a literate public versus the oral folktales and "countryside" or "simple folks" fairytales collected by folklorists.

The latter tend to be very conservative, the former much more progressive than you think. Or rather... when you've got crazy nationalist and xenophobes and discriminators of all kinds, they'll turn towards the "folkloric" fairytales - but when you want to research queer, society-questioning, gender-norms-breaking, eerily modern fairytales, you'll go with the literary fairytales rather.

Don't get me wrong, do NOT get me wrong - both kind of fairytales are usually very racist in one way or another because they are from ancient times. The Pentamerone, madame d'Aulnoy's fairytales and the brothers Grimm fairytales all are very not-Black-people-friendly and always depict having dark skin as being ugly, being wicked or being a laughingstock. Because they were written by Renaissance-era Italians and French people, and by 19th century German men, so casual racism is just there.

BUT... Folkloric countrysides tend to play the cards of the casual European racism, and the common antisemitism, and the ingrained misogynistic views, much more plainly, openly and directly, because they were literaly collected among the folks that thought that, among the common population with the "common" views of the time. For example in a lot of French folkloric fairytales (not reprinted for children today) the role of the ogre or the devil or the murder in the woods will often be "the Moor" or "the Mooress", because it was okay to depict Moors are humanoid, devilish monsters used to eat the flesh of Christian children. The casual racism and antisemitism in good handfuls of the Grimm fairytales also prove the point (NOT HANSEL AND GRETEL THOUGH! I think I made my point clear). And the same way, in the Grimm you have the absolute "heterosexual-happiness" structure that was reinforced by Disney movie and is the reason why people think fairytales are inherently homophobic.

However, when it comes to literary fairytales, you have an entirely different song. Because they were LITERARY works, and as with a lot of literature pieces, you often get more progressive things than you think. Everybody knows of Andersen's fairytales queerness today that make them beautiful allegories for things such as coming out of the closet or transitioning or living in an homophobic setting, but if we take less "modern" and "invented", more traditional fairytales, we can be in for quite a surprise...

Take the Italian fairytales classics - the Pentamerone and the Facetious Nights. These works were originally satirical and humoristic adult works. Crude satire, dark humor - they were basically the South Park of their time. Slapstick gore out of an Itchy and Scratchy show, very flowery insults the kind of which you except to come of a Brandon Rogers video, poop and piss everywhere (yet another common trait with Brandon Rogers video, in fact I realized the classic Italian literary fairytales have actually a LOT in common with Brandon's videos...), and lot of sexual innuendos and jokes involving the limits of what was accepted as tolerable (extra-marital affairs, homosexuality, incest, gerontophilia, zoophilia). This was one big crude joke where everybody got something for their money and everyone, no matter the skin color, the religion, the gender or the social status, got a nasty little caricature. It does come off as a result as massively racist, antisemitic, ageist and misogynistic tales today... But it also clearly calls out the bad treatment of women, and takes all kings for fools, and completely deconstructs the "prince charming" trope before it even existed because they're all horny brutes, and it encourages good people to actually go and KILL wicked people who abuse others and commit horrid deeds... These tales inherited the "medieval comedy style" of the Middle-Ages, where it was all about showing how everybody in the world is an asshole, all "goodness" and "purity" is just foolishness and hypocrisy, how the world is just sex and feces, and how everybody ended up beaten up in the end.. (See the Reynard the Fox stories for example - which themselves spawned an entire category of "animal fairytales" listed alongside traditional "magical fairytales" in the Aarne-Thompson Catalogue.

But what about the French classical literary fairytales? Charles Perrault, and madame d'Aulnoy, and all the other "précieuses" and salon fairytale authors - mademoiselle Lhéritier, madame de Murat, the knight of Mailly, Catherine Bernard, etc etc...

The common opinion that was held by everyone, France included, for a very long tale, was that their fairytales were the "sweet and saccharine-crap and ridiculous-romance" type of fairytales. They were the basis of several Disney movies afterall, and created many of the stereotyped fairytale cliches (such as the knight in shiny armor saving a damsel in distress). People accused these authors - delicate and elegant fashionable women, upper-class people close to the royal court and part of the luxurious and vain world of Versailles, "proper" intellectuals more concerned with finding poetic metaphors and correct phrasing - they were accused of removing the truth, the power, the darkness, the heart of the "original" folkloric fairytales to dilute them into a syrupy and childish bedtime story.

But the truth is - a truth that fairytale authorities and students are rediscovering since a dozen of years now, and that is quite obvious when you actually take time to LEARN about the context of these fairytales and actually read them as literary products - that they are much more complex and progressive than you could think of. Or rather... subversive. This is a word that reoccurs very often with French fairytales studies recently: these tales are subversive. Indeed on the outside these fairytales look like everything I described above... But that's because people look at them with modern expectations, and forget that A) fairytales were generally discredited and disregarded as a "useless, pointless child-game" by the intellectuals of the time, despite it being a true craze among bookish circles and B) the authors had to deal with censorship, royal and state censorship. As a result, they had to be sly and discreet, and hide clues between the lines, and enigmas to be solved with a specific context, and references obscure to one not in the known - these tales are PACKED with internal jokes only other fairytale authors of the time could get.

These fairytales were mostly written by women. This in itself was something GRANDIOSE because remember that in the 17th century France, women writing books or novels or even short stories was seen as something indecent - women weren't even supposed to be educated or to read "serious stuff" else their brain might fry or something. Fairytales were a true outlet for women to epxress their literary sensibilities and social messages - since they were allowed to take part in this "game" and nobody bothered looking too deep into "naive stories about whimsical things like fairies and other stupid romances".

But then here's the twist... When you look at the lie of the various fairytale authors (or authoresses) oh boy! Do you get a surprise. They were bad girls, naughty girls (and naughty boys too). They were "upper-class, delicate, refined people of the salons" true. But they were not part of the high-aristocracy, they usually were just middle or low nobility or not even true nobility but grand bourgeois or administrative nobility - and they had VERY interesting lives. Some of them went to prison. Others were exiled - or went into exile to not be arrested. You had people who were persecuted for sharing vies opposing the current politico-status of France ; you had women who had to live through very hard and traumatic events (most commonly very bad child marriages, or tragic death of their kids). And a lot of them had some crazy stories to tell...

Just take madame d'Aulnoy. Often discredited as the symbol of the "unreadable, badly-aged, naive, bloated with romance, uninteresting fairytale", and erased in favor of Perrault's shorter, darker, more "folkloric" tales - and that despite madame d'Aulnoy being the mother of the French fairytale genre, the one that got the name "fairytale" to exist in the first place, and being even more popular than Perrault up until the 19th century. Imagine this so called "precious, delicate, too-refined and too-romantic middled aged woman in her salon"... And know that she was forced into a marriage with an alcoholic, abusive old man when she as just a teenager, that things got so bad she had to conspire with family members of her (and some male friends, maybe lovers, can't recall right now) to accuse her husband of a murder so he would get death sentence - but the conspiracy backfired, madame d'Aulnoy's friends got sentenced to death, and she had to exile herself it her mother in England to not get caught too. And she only returned to France and became known as a fairytale writer there after many decades of exile in other European countries the time the case got settled down. Oh, and when escaping France's justice she even had to hide under the frontsteps of a church. Yep.

Now I am reciting it all out of memory, I might get some details wrong, but the key thing is: madame d'Aulnoy was a woman with a crazy criminal life, and in fact she got such a reputaton of a "woman of debauchery" the British people reinvented her and her fairytales around the folk/fairytale figure of Mother Bunch (Madame d'Aulnoy's fairytales became "Mother Bunch" fairytales in England to match Perrault's "Mother Goose" fairytales, and Mother Bunch was previously in England a stereotype associated with the old wise woman, kind of witchy, that girls of the village went to to get love potions and aphrodisiacs or some advice on what to do once in bed with a guy - think fo Nanny Ogg from Discworld).

And many other fairytale authors of this "classical era of fairytales" had just as interesting, wild or marginal lives. The result? When you look at their tales you find... numerous situations where a character has to dress up and pass off as the opposite gender, resulting in many gender-confusing emotion and situations just as queer as Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Several suspiciously close and intimate friendships between two girls or two men. Various dark jokes at all the vices and corruption underlying in the "good society". Discreet sexual references hinting that there's more than is told about those idyllic romances. And lots of disguised criticism of the monarchic government and the gender politics of the society of their time - kings being depicted as villains or fools, princes either being villains or behaving very wrongly towards women, many of the typical fairytale love stories ending in tragedies (yes there's a lot of those fairytales where, because a prince loved a princess, they both died), numerous courtly depictions of rape and forced and abusive marriages, and of course - supreme subversion of all subversions - people of lower class ending up at the same level as kings (Puss in Boots' moral is that all you need to be a prince is just to look the part), and other mixed-class marriages (which was the great terror of the old nobility of France, for whom it was impossible to marry below their rank - if a king married a common peasant girl, the Apocalypse would arrive and it was the End of times).

So yeah, all of that to say... All the literary fairytales I came across with had subversive or progressive elements to it ; and this is why they are generally so easier to adapt or re-adapt in more queer or democratic or feminist takes, because there's always seeds here and there, even though people do not see it obviously. Meanwhile folkloric fairytales tend to be much more conservative and reflective of past (or present) prejudices, but people tend to forget it because these stories simple format and shortness allows them to "break" into pieces more easily like Legos you rearrange.

All I'm going to say is that there's a reason wy the Nazis very easily re-used the Grimm brothers fairytales as part of their antisemitic and fascist propaganda ; and why Russian dictators like Putin also love using traditional Russian fairytales in their own propaganda, while you rarely see Italian or French political evils reuse Perrault, d'Aulnoy, Basile or Straparole fairytales.