#and it honestly could be either of them because this book loves its side plots

[choices-and-voices]

Okay but guys

GUYS

[munchy-k]

danmei list that no one asked for (long post incoming)

ok so I've accumulated a pretty decent list of danmei that aren't as well known and I want to talk about them!! so here we go! these aren't in any particular order btw

Nan Chan

an aloof, listless immortal and a very hungry caterpillar fish demon go on an adventure to retrieve a runaway bell 🔔. and also they both have amnesia. CUE ANGSTY BACKSTORY REVEAL!!!! ��🔪🔪

I'm sure it's to no ones surprise that this is first because I'm a SLUT for nan chan. if nan chan has one fan it is ME and if there r no fans I am DEAD!! I love this novel so much it has the perfect combination of painful angst and sweet sweet lovin' !! the main couple's relationship makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside 🥺👉👈 (probably because I am a touch love language girly and these bitches be touching!!!) and I LOVE the characters sm. especially my little meow meow Jing Lin and his adorable little stone figure. I live for the interactions between Cang Ji and the stone figure! it may be a little difficult to read the first time around since the plot gets a little convoluted but it all makes sense in the end! 10/10 really recommend!!

How to Survive as a Villain

transmigration plot! rich ceo gets transported to a novel as the villain emperor and gets buddy buddy with the novel's MC so he doesn't get killed. ends up buddying too close to the sun and accidentally becomes the leading lady. drama ensues!

this is another favorite of mine!! this one is another good mix of angst and romance and the MC is so funny and likeable. there are also two cute side couples which is always fun! (one of them is f/f so it gets extra brownie points with me🤭) its also not too complicated which makes it great for casual reading ^^ p.s. this one has an official eng tl now! its being published thru rosmei (like nanchan) so it has to be ordered thru a 3rd party distributor but I think its worth reading 👀

Living to Suffer/ Till Death Do Us Part

living to suffer: ancient wuxia style prequel where the characters meet as a humble doctor and member of a demonic sect and their fate intertwines. this one has a BE

till death do us part: early to mid 1900s setting sequel. the reincarnated characters meet again as a elementary school teacher and rich playboy and face the struggles of having a relationship. this one has a bittersweet ending

THIS...... OK THESE NOVELS... let me tell you something. this made me SOB. oh my god especially the ending of TDDUP. I saw a review saying "I honestly could believe there lived a Shen Liangsheng and a Ch'in Ching, and that they fell in love..." and hard agree because something about this story felt so real?? which made it all the more intriguing and heartbreaking!! its set around the time of the japanese invasion of china and the cultural revolution so it does talk a lot about politics but it wasn't a difficult read imo. BUT BE WARNED! there is a LOT of smut. (not rly vanilla either..) and the relationship does get pretty toxic at times 😬 but it gets better by the end of the book and the toxicity actually does add to the story and character development. if u give it a try please read the prequel (living to suffer) first!

After Being Forced to Marry the Evil Star General

a deputy prime minister MC who's powerful, high-maintenance, and hated by the public is arranged to marry a laid-back general who is much loved and praised (but also rumored to be cursed!). this is an arranged marriage + enemies to lovers novel

I'm actually in the middle of rereading this one rn 👀. I think this one is also good for casual reading since it isn't very complicated. in the beginning the interactions between the main couple r rly funny because they just clash all day long lol. its also got a little angst sprinkled in 😎👍 I did see some reviews saying that the MC is not likeable since he does some kinda bad things and he's stuck up but I still liked him idk 😭 I feel like his flaws made him more interesting

Married Thrice to Salted Fish

a doctor MC who only wishes to study medicine (and poison oop) gets arranged to marry a guy whos dying. turns out that guy has been taken over by a transmigrator! transmigrator ML then proceeds to die and come back as someone else.. more than once 😭

if you love a couple that schemes together then this is the novel for you! the MC in this book kinda reminds me of the MC from the book I mentioned right above. (these titles too long man 😅) I found the repeated "reincarnation" plot to be pretty interesting. the interactions between the couple were pretty amusing as well and since the ML is from modern times he randomly uses modern slang. MC even picks some lingo up from him loll

Xiao Jiu

about a 9th prince MC whos trying to win the heart of the emperor's cold and aloof bodyguard! call him the prince of rizz because it works eventually 😎 this is an age gap romance with a smidge of angst and political drama

this a short and sweet story! the ML is described as cold a lot but he actually becomes rly sweet and warm later on so he isn't one of those stone faced characters. I don't have much else to say about this besides "its cute, I like it" 😅

Guanshan Muyu

wife-chasing crematorium story! it's about a outlaw MC who's kidnapped by the very guy who betrayed him. ML wants to win MC's heart back but issues from the past cause a bunch of misunderstandings :( but it is a happy ending!!

man.... I haven't read a wife-chasing crematorium story before this and I was not prepared for the amount of ANGST. basically everyone is miserable for the entire damn time! 😭😭😭 but that's not to say it wasn't a good story!! all the suffering made the ending feel even sweeter 🥰 if you cry easily maybe keep a pack of tissues on hand when you read this 😂

I wrote this in my notes app while reading and I feel like it summarizes the ML pretty well bahaha 👇

"qi yan: my girl is mad at me. I hope I die"

It’s Not Easy Being a Master

transmigrator becomes the villainous shizun in a novel he read and attempts to avoid a bad ending but *gasp* the novels MC (ML) has been reborn with all the past memories!! MC tries to get close to ML while ML is like wtf is going on ! seems like a typical "transmigrated as a villain" type plot until suddenly it's not... 👀👀

this one was rly fun! there's a big plot twist that I found rly interesting and unique! very fresh!! fresh produce!! 🥒🫑🥕🍅 I also like the MC a lot he had a rly silly personality hehe. I think this novel is good for people who like solving mysteries alongside the characters since a lot of hints are dropped throughout

Golden Stage/ Terrace

arranged marriage between a court dog and a general who's become phsyically disabled. everyone knows that the two HATE each other... but do they really? 👀 no, it's not an enemies to lovers, but the other characters seem to think so! 🤭

great novel!! very good!! I love the dynamic between the main couple! they love to banter so their interactions are entertaining. there's a bit of political plot but it's nothing too complicated and the angst is minimal. I also like that one of the main characters is a ambulatory wheelchair user. this one also has a official eng tl now but I'm not sure from which publishing house

Sharing Rain and Dew

MC whos staying in the palace dies a painful death but then gets reborn several months in the past. he spends his time stressing about his impending death but for some reason the Emperor has suddenly become super clingy and doting

this one is very very short, only 5 chapters + 3 extras, but it's quite funny and cute. despite being so short the story is actually pretty interesting? good for a quick, casual read

list over!! I have a few more but this is already too long of a post 😭 I hope someone can find this helpful for some reading recs!

[hannigramislife]

for my own gratification bc i just ran into nie mingjue hate in the wild, would you mind making a post that defends my poor good boy? he worked so hard and got gaslit to shit before getting murdered terribly ;; literally everyone sat there telling him "youre being too harsh" and he's just responding appropriately. like yeah, if you witness a murder, ya kinda got to do something about that as a clan leader. its kinda your responsibility, even when you care about the person who did the murdering. he was also a really young when he took on the role of clan leader and idk, it just made me rlly sad to see people dunk on him cuz wtf he's literally just trying his best in an impossible situation WHILE being perpetually fucked over by his clan's own traditional cultivation cuz now the stronger he is as a leader, the closer he is to going literally insane and dying bc of it. (mingjue did nothing wrong i will die on this hill) ((sorry for going on a tirade, im just sad and defensive of my good boy rn))

Oh no! I'm so sorry you had to go through Nie Mingjue hate! Truly tragic. I went through that once when in the beginning of me reading the books, when I still had no proper opinions, and never again.

I'm more than willing to make a post about Nie Mingjue! I'm always down to talk about Nie Mingjue tbh, he's my heart and love and if I were to have been given the opportunity to be his right hand person, I would have simply never betrayed his trust and married him. Rip Jin Guangyao but I'm different.

Anyways, I, huhhh, actually think you?? Covered it all??? Pretty much?? Yet I will talk about it. This will be long and non-coherent, because I don't have the books rn to find quotes in them and honestly, I could write essays on Nie Mingjue either way.

Nie Mingjue is a central piece of the narrative, despite the limited amount of appearances he made, and the fact that he wasn't close to the main characters at all. The entire second part of the plot revolves around him- it happened because of him. His murder is a tragedy; literally, by greek standards, man has Cassandra Curse all over him, so I don't get how people can tell me, confidently, that his death was warranted. I've been told the man had asked for it, and this has mostly been by Jin Guangyao apologists.

So let me make something real fucking clear.

Nie Mingjue did not deserve to die. Let's get that out of the way, anyone can fight me on that. Nie Mingjue had more good qualities than half the people in this fucking story, despite his flaws. After his father was brutally murdered when Mingjue was only in his teens, Nie Mingjue stepped up as clan leader. We can only speculate the hardships that await someone leading a clan at such an early age. Yet, political challenges weren't the only thing he had to battle; Nie Mingjue knew about his clan's harmful cultivation, and he knew he was going to die young. So what did he do? His best. Literally his best, always. He was always giving 100% of his abilities, because that's who he was.

Let's talk about who Nie Mingjue was, shall we?

When Jin Guangyao, still Meng Yao then, describes Nie Mingjue, he finds himself perplexed, because Nie Mingjue isn't like other men. He is not frivolous, and he has no vices; Meng Yao describes how Nie Mingjue never showed an interest in arts, or alcohol, or women. All he did was train, and fight the Wens during the war. It shows that he had a one-track mind from the start, and has got a strict discipline; yet this strictly disciplined man, leader of a clan that prizes strength, continuously indulges his lazy and undisciplined half-brother, his one and only heir, despite not understanding his interests. We gather, pretty quickly, that Nie Mingjue is a bleeding heart for his brother, and for the ones he loves in general. We see the same softer side displayed in the presence of Lan Xichen, and of course, for some time, Meng Yao.

People seem to think Nie Mingjue took Meng Yao's betrayal too harshly. As if somehow seeing a man he thought to have been just and honest commit premeditated murder, then cover it up, was something he was just supposed to get over. To this day, I can't believe how Lan Xichen was so understanding of it. But not only did Nie Mingjue catch him in a cowardly act - Meng Yao proceeds to manipulate him, using the fact that Nie Mingjue cared about him, to stab him in the back. Or front, however it happened. I get that Meng Yao was in a difficult position, that he suffered at the Jins, that he felt backed in a corner; but Nie Mingjue was a man that had extended his help to Meng Yao before, and even then, he went to find Meng Yao in righteous fury, ready to help him again. To Nie Mingjue, the idea that Meng Yao "had no other choice" but to kill - to kill in the manner he did - it could have been nothing but a betrayal.

One thing that I personally highly respected Nie Mingjue for was the fact that he did not judge Meng Yao for his background. This is not up for debate; Nie Mingjue stood up for him, quite publicly, quite vocally, when Meng Yao was being insulted over it. And not only that, but he promoted Meng Yao to be his right hand man, just like that. Because he's impulsive, and to prove a point, but it was still huge of him to do. Not even Lan Xichen would have done that - In a society built on power dynamics between social classes, Nie Mingjue was one of the few characters who did not let that define his actions. It wasn't because he was born privileged (though he was) but because he he didn't let anything other than his judgment direct his actions. Nie Mingjue also never shied away from anything; if it had to be done, he did it, no matter the cost.

Nie Mingjue was decisive, and had an iron will. When Meng Yao killed the Nie disciples in Qishan, he wanted to kill Meng Yao. Meng Yao told him, paraphrasing, that "don't you understand that if I hadn't done that, it would have been your corpse up there?" and Wei Wuxian takes it to mean "Translation: I saved you so you can't kill me, because that would mean you're in the wrong." So Nie Mingjue hesitated for a second, then said: "Fine! I'll kill you, and then take my own life!" And the only reason he didn't, was because Lan Xichen was there. Otherwise, Nie Mingjue would have killed his former friend, then followed him to whatever afterlife awaited.

Nie Mingjue is often portrayed like he doesn't understand stuff, like he's stupid, simply because of his black and white sense of morality. That's not correct: Nie Mingjue understands motive, but he doesn't accept the ends justifying the means. Scratch that, he doesn't accept or justify either, if they're unjust. The murder of the Jin commander, the murder of the Nie disciples, not executing Xue Yang - how can Nie Mingjue possibly understand Meng Yao's decisions, when Nie Mingjue would rather die, any day, than live thanks to vile actions?

And then, Nie Mingjue starts falling into qi-deviation. We know that it affected his temper the most, and his judgement. I don't understand how it works, really, so I don't know by the end how much was Nie Mingjue and how much was the mess that the spirit made of him - maybe a combination of the two. But what is certain, is that the rapid qi deviation changed him.

But I could write a hundred more pages on him, meticulously going over every single scene he has ever appeared in, because I find him that interesting. I find him the most interesting, and the most appealing character, because in a story where the navigation of the cultivation world's complex politics and hierarchies with tact and diplomacy is crucial, Nie Mingjue stands uncompromising in his principles, choosing duty and honor over anything else, even when it's hard.

[infiniteetcetera]

Hot take of the day is Gwynriel has loads of chemistry and Elucien plenty of potential but I’d still rather see Elriel together for the sake of the plot…

What I mean by that is I think an Azriel/Gwyn & Elain/Lucien love story is the path of least resistance for SJM. It fits perfectly into the “everyone is mated and happy together” stereotype much more so than Elain/Az, especially if (as most people predict) Emerie and Mor also wind up together.

I love the Valkeryies and their relationship too much for them to just be absorbed by the IC and that’s exactly what I feel would happen if we get Gwyn/Az, Elain/Lucien, and Emerie/Mor. If Azriel winds up with Gwyn it’s highly likely we’ll get an “i told you so” moment from Rhys who will continue believing he is right about everything and that its totally okay to control the lives of his so called family. Nessian will remain strong and Nesta will be even further solidified in the Night Court (FREE HER) if her two closest friends become IC equivalents.

On the Elain side of things, so many people seem to imply her being with Lucien would be an escape from the Night Court but Rhys wants Elain with Lucien because it’s a way to drag Lucien further into the Night Court. He’s already using their bond to manipulate diplomacy with Lucien and no matter where Lucien ends up, if he’s mated to Elain he will be stuck with strong ties to the Night Court and so will she.

I think Elain/Azriel are the only option that could really push and fuel change for the IC. Rhys drawing a line in the sand about their relationship forces the members of the inner circle to genuinely have to pick sides and I think it would really push Feyre and Nesta to confront their own relationships with their mates and the Night Court. And honestly I’ve always found it ironic that so many people use the “Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court” argument against Elriel because Azriel doesn’t belong in the Night Court either.

As early as ACOMAF Azriel tells Feyre he doesn’t feel like he belongs in the NC. We’ve seen countless times throughout the series he is left out, ignored, and manipulated by his so called family. People like Rhys and Mor who are the “closest” to him have admitted to being lowkey afraid of him, most of the IC admits they know little about his thoughts/feelings, and its not one of his oldest friends but Nesta who comforts him while he isolates himself during a holiday when he’s feeling like absolute trash because he feels that lonely and unworthy.

I think it would make perfect sense for Azriel to leave the Night Court with Elain, maybe even with Nesta and the Valkeryies considering both him and Nesta have been tied to the Dawn Court now and Nesta made a point of saying she is not a member of the NC. I’m not saying we’d get a full on Nessian break up (I can dream) or that Feyre is going to leave Rhys (SJM will never do this) but I do think Nesta and Feyre would both pull for their sister’s happiness. Especially for Nesta, I feel like part of why she takes how Cassian and the IC treats her is because she feels worthless and doesn’t think she deserves better, but if there’s anyone Nesta will stand up for it’s Elain and hearing that Rhys is manipulating her love life could be such a good catalyst for this girl to move on (my dream crack theory, she leaves Cas in Elains book, Lucien’s book is Autumn Court centered and we get a Nesta/Eris redemption romance arc)

Overall I think the effects that would result from Az leaving the NC with Elain however it happens has the potential for the most complex and intriguing story. I’m sure both Gwynriel and Elucien could be perfectly happy couples, if they get books I will read them and they will probably be fine because SJM knows how to write romance (tho sometimes, I have my doubts recently 👀) but these two relationships don’t have much potential to spark the big changes in the ACOTAR universe Id like to see for the Archeron sisters (and babyboys Az and Lucien). If SJM doesn’t keep doing weird things like the necklace situation, I think Elain and Azriel make perfect sense as a couple and the breaking of the status quo they symbolize is just what the world at large needs.

[burningthetree]

for the writing ask!

politely requesting numbers: 2, 4, 13, 21, 30, 31, 45, (i'm always looking for stuff to read) 66

i know this is so many lol i'd love to hear them all btu pick and choose ones you'd like to answer!

love you 4ever <3

Hi love! Ask and ye shall receive <3 under the cut because I ramble, I love you <3

2. A notable time a narrative / character has looked me dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing”

Either one of my long fics to be honest. When I started writing fmn, it was supposed to be a 10k one-shot and turned into a 150k monster. When I started writing s&w, it was supposed to be 50k, and we’re at 124k and I’m halfway through now. In fmn, I blame Bokuto. In s&w, I blame Kuroo and Iwaoi, because they introduced these ridiculous side-plots that were never meant to be there. And in s&w, I also blame Atsumu, because turns out that he’s more fun to write than I originally thought. They all raised their middle fingers at me and are so mean actually

4. the plot bunny I’ve been carrying for the longest? Bonus: Do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential regret?

Mmm I think that would be my high fantasy idea? I’ve had it since I was 13-ish but I don’t think I’ll ever end up writing it. I do think about why I keep ignoring it, but I think it’s just because it’s an intimidating genre, though it makes me sad that this holds me back from trying. (I did start drafting a fictional language and its grammar, but got stuck while working on my thesis.) The deep existential regret is there for sure :)

13. A writing experience that has pleasantly surprised me

I’ve been doing some original writing lately, and I have a submission for a student magazine that got accepted. I had to work together with an editor and send my draft back and forth to work on it and I was dreading it—it’s so jarring to send your writing to someone and them editing it. But it was the loveliest experience I could have ever asked for, and I am so glad I was brave and send in an idea that they ended up accepting. That being said, I also have my most recent writing experience where I’m actually working towards a deadline to have it published (and available for judgement from a jury and also available for purchase?). It’s been really scary IMO but, after writing my first three chapters, my best friend read them and gave me feedback, while my other friends encouraged me to do it. And it’s just so lovely to finally manage to be open about me being passionate about writing and having my friends be so lovely and supportive :)

21. A writer to co-write a book with and what we’d write about

Honestly my favourite author is R.F.Kuang and in my dreams, we are working on a novel together. I don’t know what we’d write about, but I think we would have a similar passion across genres as well as an affinity for linguistics, and I think we’d make a neat team. I’d also learn so much from here so that would be pretty cool overall. In terms of fanfiction writers, I’d write something with you Cat :) it’d be a Romeo and Juliet x Haikyuu crossover

30. Most inspirational quote I’ve ever read / heard that is still important to me

From R. F. Kuang’s Babel: “That’s just what translation is, I think. That’s all speaking is. Listening to the other and trying to see past your own biases to glimpse what they’re trying to say. Showing yourself to the world, and hoping someone else understands.” It’s just. Yummy.

As a teenager, this one meant a lot to me, and it still comes to mind for each time someone asks me for a quote: “Broken is not the same as unfixable.” From Marissa Meyer’s Lunar Chronicles.

45. Name of three of my favourite fanfic writers

Since you’re asking for writing recommendations, I guess I won’t name you -_- in Haikyuu, it’s CheCheCheer, daydreamer1227, eldureira. THIS IS DIFFICULT. I’m trying not to name the ones that show up in like every rec list lol

66. When I have felt the most confident in my writing

I think that is each time my friends read something I write and then they tell me their honest opinion, which is usually positive. And like, I trust my friends to be completely honest with me and tell me if something is garbage. So that is always a big confidence boost. Also, a long, long time ago when I was 10 years old, we had creative writing workshops in school, and my teacher complimented my writing and told me that I was good at it. Getting approval from him and a couple of other teachers as well as encouragement really meant a lot, and I don’t think I would have continued writing as much if I didn’t have this memory to fall back on :)

[stilldancewithyou]

It’s kind of crazy to me the cheating storyline is so debated because at the end of the day it’s not even why belly and Jere broke up? Like she said yes to his proposal and even if she was 129388274 feet in denial up until the wedding day like the cheating was never the cause of her denial. To me, the cheating’s biggest purpose is actually for Conrad. Without it he would have never confessed. And like even if it can be debated since belly and Jere were in a fight/broken up blah blah like it resonates with Conrad because it’s a direct parallel of their dad’s actions and how their dad treated Susannah. And I think this is reason why it’s so important to the 3rd book because in the past two books Conrad is grieving yes but he’s also very mad at his dad for cheating on his sick mom. His actions are a reaction to BOTH their parents. Like this is a boy who quit everything he liked because he was so scared of being like his shitty dad and he based his decisions on not being like his dad. And then he goes and discovers that his own brother did what their dad did to their mom to the girl they both loved!!!

Like it’s not “JH made jeremiah cheat to make him look bad against Conrad for the audience” its really “she made Jeremiah cheat because it’s quite literally the ONLY ill act that will make him look bad TO Conrad.”Because Conrad would’ve kept the belief that he was undeserving of belly for the rest of his life and kept sacrificing b/j happiness for his own if Jeremiah didn’t cheat.

For this reason alone I feel like it would be in the show. However they didn’t make it clear Conrad knew about his dad cheating, so it could go either way. But yeah these are just my thoughts :)

YES. this is exactly everything I've been trying to say. Thank you for articulating this point so well. SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

I could never really understand why Belly accepted the proposal, but she was really desperate to prove that she didn't still love Conrad because of how everyone else made her feel about being with Conrad. I don't understand why people have such a hard time understanding this and why so much of this fandom has such a hatred for the third book and Jeremiah cheating specifically. I have never seen so many people mad about one little plot before. I can only assume that people didn't actually read the book even though they act like they have. Honestly, for me the cheating thing wasn't the worst thing Jeremiah did in the 3rd book. He was a total and complete ass the entire book, and he had such hatred for Conrad it was actually so sad. Yeah, I just don't understand why everyone is so stuck on the cheating. for me that wasn't the worst thing he did or the deal breaker.

I 10000% agree with you. Conrad couldn't let Belly be with a man who would treat her the way Adam treated Susannah and especially not his own brother who should know how awful it is and how deeply it can hurt (and he obviously did know and recognize this bc he felt super guilty, bought her the cheap bracelet and then proposed after she found out). I also think Conrad saw himself as not good enough for Belly and when he found out Jere had done that, he finally realized that he wasn't as bad as he thought, it made him realize that Belly should be with someone who truly loves her and would never do that to her. Because his immediate response is "I would never do that". he literally tells Belly "I never even looked at another girl when we were together" and you know she also understands this and knows how bad it is, but she doesn't want to admit it or admit that she still loves Conrad and would rather be with him. Up until that point, Conrad was going to be the best man and watch them vow to love each other forever from his brother's side. He was opposed to the engagement from the start and thought it was a mistake but he was the only one who didn't say a word to Belly about that. He just helped her plan the wedding AND he went out of his way to convince Laurel to go to the wedding and be there for Belly. He was trying so hard to be okay with it. But like you said, as soon as he hears Jere and his friends talking about having sex with Belly and Jere cheating, he runs out of the bar and immediately finds Belly to tell her, and he goes from "I hate this wedding but I'm gonna help and not influence Belly's decision in any way" to "we could run away right now and be together" and finally confesses his feelings. I think everyone is completely missing this point when it comes to the cheating storyline. I just don't get how you could read the book and then say "oh the story would be fine without it". But nothing else they could come up with for Jere to do would be the same, it wouldn't be enough to get to Conrad. I've thought about everything you said here before and it really is such an exact parallel of Susannah and Adam and idk how people haven't figured that out/seen that yet.

I feel like it's kind of implied in the show that Conrad does know about his dad cheating (which is why he can't stand to be around him in the show). Everyone can believe what they want, but I choose to believe they are following the third book and we will see Jeremiah cheat and then eventually get to see the whole scene on the beach of Conrad telling Belly how he feels about her and them arguing about Jeremiah cheating.

[theinyshlobster]

feed them silence by lee mandelo [review]

read from september 13th - september 14th

read for sapphic september !!!!!!

review:

minor spoilers!

oh this was super interesting and not what i was expecting at all!

seeing as this is a novella i’m not gonna have…. too many thoughts honestly.

i really enjoyed reading a book about academia and neuroscience research!!!! i’ve pondered going into that field quite a bit, either in neuroscience or research, so seeing them mashed together was a little bonus point from me. sean writing her emotions into academic speak…. chefs kiss. “academia is devoid of emotion” YUP!!! YUP!!!!!!!

also side note but i love the fact the female mc is named sean. idk i love the idea of ungendering names. fuck it names shouldn’t have a gender. also sean is COOL for a woman. we as a society need to name more women sean methinks.

speaking of sean…. whoo she was a doozy protagonist! i mean im reading this for sapphic septemberand its prompt was “disaster sapphics”, so i wanted to see how the sapphics were disasters and…… oh it defo fit that prompt! sean is somehow so incredibly unlikeable and an awful person, yet simultaneously incredibly empathetic. i love a protagonist who is awful and everyone calls them out on their shit, but honestly an awful protagonist can only go so far when the reader wants to gouge the protag’s eyes out. but this book teeters the balance of empathy yet disgust towards sean. god she sucks.

the actual plot itself felt a tad… anticlimactic. idk i expected more…. Horror. this did not feel like horror to me…. defo seems to be more so speculative fiction & thriller rather than scifi horror… but that’s just me. and the whole story itself felt…. idk. boring isn’t the right word. but although i could see the descent into madness, what i was reading wasn’t matching the emotional response sean was producing if you know what i mean. like it made sense… but it also seemed like homegirl was being a bit dramatic. yeah that’s the point but as someone who will sit thru movies going “this shit is dumb why didn’t they do xyz”…. i kinda was just sitting here at times being like “…..why is this bitch going from 0-100 over that”. like her responses were disproportionate even for someone going through what she was. it didn’t make sense logically based on what was explained. and then the climax built up instantly fizzled out… i was just kinda sat there getting excited and then the plot flatlined. 

i really think this book described isolation incredibly well, and anything even adjacent to psychology or neuroscience will get my little brain buzzing with excitement. i won’t say this book was a flop because it wasn’t! but i wasn’t itching to read this book because the plot was good, or i was intrigued. i was waiting for something batshit to happen… and then it didn’t… and then because it’s a novella i might as well finish it.

apologies if this review makes no sense (like my reviews ever do psh) homie is on day 5 of cymbalta 😀 i have slept 16 hours every day i am fried. 

anyways don’t read this book if animal cruelty upsets you 👍

[bedofthistles]

The Little White Horse: A Complete Summary

So! I finally read TLWH, and man do I have thoughts and opinions! So many... so... many....

However, before I get into those opinions, I wanted to share my summary of TLWH, since I don't think a lot of people have read the book who enjoyed the movie.

Unfortunately, my thots and opinions are too wide and vast, resulting in what is more or less a 16 page dissertation, which may grow depending on if I think I covered all the topics I wanted to cover. So, to makes things a bit easier, I'm going to be splitting them up into more readable sections.

So, if you haven't read the book, if it's been a while since you've read the book, here is a summary of the novel.

Alright friends, the time has come. 

After undertaking the laborious task of consuming all Moonacre content possible (movie, minie-series and novel) I have come to some unfortunate conclusions. The book sucks. But before you go too far, especially the weird amount of you who like the book, I would like to preface that each person is allotted their opinions. I am not aiming to dis the book, it’s a classic, but it’s not perfect, no book or work of art is. No one should get so offended by another’s opinion to the point where it sparks a deep, roiling anger inside of them. 

(Rachel Zeglar may be wrong about the Snow White movie from the 1930s, but I took her side, everyone got real upset about a girl having opinions, not that’s her opinion and she’s allowed it.) 

I want to start out by saying there are some issues in regards to race, incest, pedophilia, grooming and sexism in the novel, if that surprises and shocks you, I’m sorry but its in there, and just because you didn’t notice it doesn’t erase the fact that it was there. I also don’t want this to be about me comparing the book to the movie, because one that would just be a rant, and as much as I love that, that wouldn’t be fair to either works, and honestly? Besides the names and setting, the book and movie could almost fully be divorced from one another. 

In case you don’t know the plot to the book, I will try to surmise it as best I can: 

Maria Merryweather is a recently orphaned girl, she leaves London with her governess (Miss Heliotrope) and her dog (Wiggins) arriving to live with her first cousin once removed, Sir Benjamin, lord over Moonacre Valley (and if you’re not up to snuff about what that means, he’s a landlord, more or less). While driving, Maria occupies herself by staring at her small feet, her one attribute and attractive characteristic. 

While en route, Maria sees the beautiful valley lit up like silver in the moonlight, and between the trees she spots a luminescent white horse. When she tries to tell her governess this, Ms. Heliotrope tells her to stop her overactive imagination, she has always had an overactive imagination, especially back in London, when she made up a playmate named Robin (yes, that one). 

When they arrive, they learn that no woman has stepped foot inside of the house in 20 years - yes, Sir Benjamin is proud of this - and, very importantly, there is no pink within the house. While there, Sir Benjamin is a very happy, polite gentleman, who calls Maria your highness, and refers to Moonacre Valley as her dominion. There are also this weird thing about Sun Merryweathers and Moon Merryweathers.

“The brave soul and the pure spirit shall with a merry and a loving heart inherit the kingdom together," quoted Sir Benjamin. “That's our family motto, my dear. It's been our motto since the days of the first Sir Wrolf. It refers, I think, to the two sorts of Merryweathers, the sun and the moon Merryweathers, who are always merry when they love each other. It is also, perhaps, a device for linking together those four qualities that go to make up perfection --courage, purity, love, and joy."

While giving her a tour of the manor, he shows her a well (this will be important later) and Maria thinks to herself if I were a medieval lady, this is where I would hide my jewels in time of war. 

Weird, but okay. 

The one place Maria is not shown, is the kitchen. 

They go to church, while the Parson is preaching, Maria brushes her skirt to smooth out some wrinkles, and there’s a noise that captures her attention for a bit. Then, once the service is over, everyone lines up and goes up to the Parson to get absolutely read to shreds. He literally tells them their sins of the week, and when it’s Maria’s turn, despite only being there for a day, she’s scolded for her vanity and curiosity. 

One of the things Sir Benjamin gets scolded for is allowing the (and I’m so sorry for this) “Black Men” to stop hunting in Merryweather park. And that’s kind of all they do, and from here on out I will be referring to them as the De Noirs because that is technically their name, but Elizabeth Goudge just keeps calling them “the Black Men”. 

And yes, that is as bad as it sounds, but more on that later. 

Let’s just speed run some facts. 

Every morning, Maria wakes up to cookies, milk, a stroked fire, and an outfit placed out for her. Maria feels so loved by these small acts, and feels as if she loves whoever is putting out these clothes. 

“[Maria] had a queer feeling, as she fastened the coat of the habit and pinned the bunch of snowdrops to the front of it, that L.M. - whoever she was - put loving arms around her; almost as her mother might have done, had she not died.” 

When she is out in the forest with Periwinkle and Wrolf, she hears the shrill, shrieking rabbit, and goes to save it. As she does, she realizes that the De Noirs have come for the rabbit as well. She and Robin save the rabbit from the De Noirs and bring her to safety. Robin tells her it's actually a moonacre hare, and then upon her asking too many questions, leaves. 

“Maria choked down her curiosity, for Robin had always hated being asked questions, and if she asked too many would disappear, and she did not want him to disappear just yet.”

“There was no answer, and looking up she saw that Robin had disappeared, even though as far as she knew she had not asked a single question.” 

She knows this because she would dream about Robin in London, and when she asked him questions, he would just leave the dream. 

Maria learns about Sir Wrolf (who was arrogant, rude, and planned on marrying the Moon Princess to steal Black William’s land), the Moon Princess (who was just pale, and kind, I think?) with her dowry of pearls, and Monsieur Cocque De noir, otherwise known as Coeur De Noir because his heart was so black (it’s a common french last name, not to mention the black cock that rides on the current De Noir’s shoulder).

“[Sir Wrolf had] got Paradise Hill but there remained the pine woods behind his manor house, that run right down to the sea, to what is now called Merryweather Bay, which were the property of Sir William Cocq de Noir, called Black William because of the black cock that was his family crest, and because of his lashing dark eyes, black hair and beard and sallow French skin. And also because of his black heart. Coeur de Noir, men sometimes called him, instead of Cocq de Noir. For he was a bad man, was Black William, cruel to wild creatures, domineering with his servants, morose and ungenerous.”

Black William remarries, has a son, and that son becomes his heir. Because of this, Sir Wrolf can’t inherit the whole of the Valley through his wife, and gets super angry. Because of his rage, the De Noir’s think Sir Wrolf killed Black William, the Moon Princess ran away, and Black William’s son, who was believed to have died from sickness, returned twenty years later with his band of men who would become the wicked, evil, ‘Black Men’ who plague the valley. Sir Wrolf is described to have died heartbroken (good) and damned to ride around Paradise Hill in a sort of purgatory for his ill-deeds.

The Parson also tells Maria that every Moon Princess is destined to leave the Valley after fighting with her love. That it won’t be until the Moon Princess humbles herself and marries a poor man she will never be allowed to stay. 

“She always has gone away," said Old Parson. “Not necessarily from the valley, but from the manor. Yet the old folks in the village vow and declare that one day there will come a Moon Princess who will have the courage to deliver the valley from the wickedness of the Black Men. But like the princesses in all the nicest fairy tales she will have to humble her pride to love not a prince but a poor man, a shepherd or ploughman or some such country lad, and to effect the deliverance with his help, and that's a thing which no Moon Princess has yet done, so proud are they.”

At this point, Maria meets Loveday Minette, the lady who had been leaving her clothes, she is kind and beautiful, and cleans the Parson’s house. 

Then again, while out with her animals and Ms. Heliotrope, Maria goes to Paradise Hill, which is the monastery Sir Wrolf stole from the monks because he was covetous. While there she meets the shepherd and guess who it is? That’s right, Robin, no surprise there. While the two are there, the De Noirs attempt to steal the sheep. 

Robin, Maria, and the Ghost of Sir Wrolf -

“And then, through the noise of the thunder and the rain, she distinctly heard the hoofs of a galloping horse pounding upon the turf. As the horseman was behind her she could not herself see anything, but whoever he was the Black Men seemed to see him, for with faces blanched by terror they turned and fled.”

they manage to scare them off.

Maria and Robin have a fight, but they deal with it, because Maria knows if she doesn’t forgive him, she’ll have to leave the Valley. This will be handled in more depth later. Likewise, Loveday and Sir Benjamin had a fight twenty years ago, Loveday leaves the Valley, marries a lawyer, sires Robin, and then comes back after her husband dies. Because of their stubborness, neither would return to the other and apologize. More detail on this later. 

After dealing with the De Noirs, however. Maria decides that she must save the valley from their wickedness. 

She, Robin, and the Parson return Paradise Hill to god, Sir Benjamin no longer profits off the sheep, and that’s it. It was a really long boring chapter about all the children of Silverydew cleaning it up and decorating it again with the statue of their Lady. They sing, and I think Sir Wrolf’s soul is released from the hell that is Moonacre Valley. 

Once this is done, Maria and Robin sneak into the Castle in the pine woods, ask Mr. Cock to pretty please stop stealing and he says: not until you give me back the pearls, and also your ancestor murdered my ancestor. 

Robin and Maria are chased, they find the tree hollow, with evidence that someone once lived there including a knife with a carved cock as the handle-

“Once upon a time this cave had been lived in. A hollow place in the wall was blackened, as though a fire had been lit there, and standing on a flat rock beside it was an iron pot that must have been used to cook stew in. And lying on the rock beside the pot was a huntsman's knife in a metal sheath, and a tarnished silver mug. Maria and Robin picked them up and looked at them, holding them close to their eyes in the dim light, and lo and behold, the sheath that held the knife was beautifully made in the shape of a cock, and upon the silver mug also there was traced the outline of a cock."

They also run through the tunnels that go through Moonacre Valley until they reach Merryweather Bay, where Maria finds a boat that belonged to Sir William. 

For Maria, this is enough evidence that Black William left on his own accord, and the magical sea unicorns brought the boat back to Merryweather Bay as proof. 

Once they’re home safe, Marmaduke asks Maria for butter kept in the well, because it's cold in there, and while Maria is more or less rifling through the Merryweather fridge, she finds an old box that has the pearls in them. 

Maria decides that she doesn’t want to give the pearls to the De Noirs, because they are wicked, and will just give them to the moon instead. Then, through a gold medal mental gymnastic routine, decides that she will give them over. 

“And yet Maria did not want to give those pearls away. She loved them far too much. She did not want to give them even to the moon, and as for giving them to the Black Men--well--she just couldn't do it. And yet she had to do it. Monsieur Cocq de Noir had promised that they would stop being wicked if she could give him proof that Black William had not been murdered by Sir Wrolf, but had withdrawn to a hermit's life by his own choice, and if she would give him the pearls. “That first condition was already fulfilled, for when he was pursuing her and Robin he would have seen Black William's hermitage with his own eyes, and the pearls he would have too if she could bring herself to give them to him. And then he would not be wicked any more and complete happiness would come to the Moonacre Valley. Somehow Maria did not doubt that if she kept her part of the bargain Monsieur Cocq de Noir would keep his. The wickedest of men have good in them somewhere, and remembering the direct look in his eyes she felt quite sure that he was not a man who would break his word. Yet she felt she could not give him these pearls, that she had found herself and that seemed already a part of her. “And then it struck her suddenly that if she gave her pearls to Monsieur Cocq de Noir she would, in a way, be giving them to the moon. For the moon belongs to the night, and what was more like night than Monsieur Cocq de Noir and his black pine forest? And the first Moon Princess had come out of the night-dark pine wood, bringing the pearls with her. The pearls belonged far more to the Black Men than they did to the Merryweathers.”

However, when she goes to the Castle, Mr. Cock takes the pearls, but doesn’t believe her about the boat. Then she hits him with the old “magic unicorns brought him into shore”, and he doesn’t believe that, but Maria is able to convince him to come out with her to the forest where she is sure the Little White Horse will appear, despite being rather elusive this whole time. They go out together, they see not only the Little White Horse, but a whole tidal wave of Sea Unicorn, and he’s like oh! You were telling the truth. 

But! That’s not the end! 

Maria still has to get Loveday and Sir Benjamin back together, and that is a whole other thing that deserves its own post and I will go into full detail on later. As well as some issues that I have with Robin Minette. 

The story ends with Loveday and Benjamin getting married, Robin and Maria getting married A YEAR LATER, and going on to have ten kids. While the book does not tell us Robin’s age, we know Maria is thirteen, meaning she is at least fourteen when she gets married, and who knows when they start having kids. Again, I will talk about this more later. However, despite common belief, this getting married at 12-14 was not common.

The book ends, however, with one of the most lovely quotes. 

“For sometimes in her dreams at night she stood beneath the branches of a mysterious wood, and looked down a moonlit glade, her eyes straining after something that she could not see. And when she woke up there would be tears on her cheeks because her longing had been unsatisfied. “Yet she was not unhappy because of this dream. “She knew that one day, when she was a very old woman, she would dream this dream for the last time, and in this last dream of all she would see the little white horse and he would not go away from her. He would come towards her, and she would run towards him, and he would carry her upon his back away and away, she did not quite know where, but to a good place, a place where she wanted to be.” 

To keep things brief (too late) I will be making other posts to complete my analysis of book, movie, and small mentions of the miniseries. 

And if you were thinking about reading the book: don’t.

First | Next

[realitys-abore]

📖REVIEW📖

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Firstly: Kadou, our MC has anxiety and the way I squealed at seeing some anxiety rep in a book, and a fantasy one at that! I used to be way more into fantasy but it often has so little rep, so this book was kind of like coming home?

It was so comforting, because I was reading Kadou's POV like...omg it's literally me 🥺 It was brilliantly done and obviously I loved my precious little bean Kadou who was more than capable of being a badass!

The other reason it’s comforting? Queerness is normalised and my heart felt so full as I was reading. Not only is the romance queer, but the use of different pronouns or gender fluidity isn't an issue either.

Kadou’s sister was really out here trying to matchmaker him with a nice young man, I was truly living while I was reading this! Like I was legit trying to read this slowly so I could spend longer in a world this accepting. THIS is why I described this as ‘top tier fan fiction’ btw!

While a lot is thrown at you in the beginning, the introduction and the set up for the other MC is immaculate! The romance may be the main focus with some mystery on the side, but a lot of care was taken with the world to paint a picture of it and to set future events up for a solid plot.

The concept of the Khayalar was intriguing and it makes the romance even more 👌🏻 AND makes some of the future moments between the MC's and conflict really work.

It’s enemies to lovers and Evemer has good reason to hate Kadou, no flimsy, weak excuses here! It takes time for him to get to know Kadou and see that he was wrong! The progression of their relationship was just immaculate like it’s slow-burn at its finest with the way it slowly builds up!

Evemer was badass and stoic but so soft for Kadou 🥹 he’s so patient and he helped him with his anxiety and figuring out the mystery, I loved them 😭

The use of tropes and dual POV in this is phenomenal as well by the way! And I genuinely think the romance in this book has ruined me, I can't believe the end was spicy but had me feeling all the feels at the same time.

Honestly, I really didn't want it to end. It was perfectly written, perfectly built up and you guys...the LONGING. The scenes with the hairbrushing and the caresses, I was literally squealing as I was reading!

Please, please can the author write like 50 more books in this world? I'm begging! Tadek needs a happy ending you know! Zeliha too!

[ladysomething]

Hiiiii!

First of all, all hail our queen, this chapter blew my mind, and writing with injured wrist is impressive as hell! (Take all time you need, perfection takes time and patience is a virtue, some should remember that)

Now I also totally get if you won’t answer this ask because of the second part, so I will praise your work some more: when you eventually finish, the quality of writing and the plot and everything will definitely make this THEE fic to be turned into a real life book, it’s better than most of contemporary literature out there right now!

What I wanted to ask (besides the praise bc fr this is right now THAT fic) how do you feel about the comments, as there are currently three types of comments (if I may analyse a bit - max is sad hence I am sad commenters, praising the work and third type: did you even?-ers) and reading them I got a feeling that some of them are taking this whole fic a bit too seriously? I get it, freedom of expression, but why do some feel the need to basically attack (DiD yOu EvEn ReAd ThE pReViOuS- obviously we all did 😬) other users for expressing their opinion on the work? Do you have any thoughts on that? Obviously high engagement is good for the fic but as someone who likes to read the comments as well, it wasn’t as pleasant as it usually is today.

Again, as I said, no pressure to answer (because it might create a discourse in your asks)🩷

Loved every chapter, excited for some more lore, whenever it might come to light.

imagine me turning a 300k omega verse fic into my debut novel. what a power move from me.

and to answer your questions ... ok, bear with me here, because I already know I'm about to ramble.

but I guess. I don't really know how I feel about it. on the one hand, it's very flattering for people to feel that strongly. on the other, I don't like that readers can make other readers uncomfortable.

but then, I'm not entirely sure what place I'm supposed to have in that discourse. it's not really for me to decide what insights readers do or don't have, or how they engage with other people. I would always step in if things got genuinely nasty (especially if its in the comment section of the fic), which I have done in the past, but an author's responsibility is kind of a grey area in fic.

I of course wish that people could always speak kindly to each other, but I also think it's easy for tone to be misinterpreted in comments. I also don't see the comments linearly - when I get emails saying there's been a comment, the email doesn't tell me its in response to another comment. I have to go and seek that information out, which I often don't do.

all of which is to say - I don't usually know what kinds of conversations are happening underneath chapters, particularly when there are as many comments as there was on this chapter.

as for why I think it's happening ... honestly, I just think that this chapter stirred up a lot of emotion for a lot of people. most readers have either been on team Max or team Charles for a long time now, and from what I've observed, their immediate reaction is always to take the side of THEIR character. I think they often do also come back and go "hm, maybe the other person had some points too" but in the moment, the immediate, knee jerk reaction is to defend their character, and to "hate" on the other one. that's always going to spark discourse, because nobody can really agree on who's right and who's wrong in this fic (which is by design, of course).

anyway, I hope that kind of provided a little bit on insight.

[mdhwrites]

I Wish I'd Found the Randy Cunningham Ninth Grade Ninja Fandom

I LOVED that show when it was first coming out. I thought it was just a ton of fun and that characters like Viceroy and Mcfist were genuinely amazing takes on their archtypes. Admittedly, Randy and Howard are entirely classic to me since I grew up with stuff like Danny Phantom and Kim Possible but...

None of you probably know what I'm talking about.

Okay, so a bit over a decade ago now, Disney had a show called Randy Cunningham: Ninth Grade Ninja. The premise was actually kind of Sailor Moon S1 in with half of its villain group. The Ninja exists to oppose the Sorcerer, trapped below the town. The Sorcerer feeds on misery and can corrupt people who are vulnerable through items and the like that they hold dear, turning them into monsters who are usually beat either by destroying the object or convincing the person to give up their grievance.

The other half of the main villains (it had a lot of side villains too of course) were the duo of McFist and Viceroy. They employed a lot of robots, mutants, etc. because, well, McFist was so rich as to practicallly own the town and be beloved by all (Think Lex Luthor but bad at hiding it and really shouty) and Viceroy was literally his on staff MAD SCIENTIST! He even graduated second in his year from a mad science university. Or first. Can't remember despite it being a plot point for an episode when a skeleton that the science teacher is... Married to I think? Comes back to life and tries to finish his graduation project that would have made him Valedictorian: A Doomsday Device. After all, if you blow the world, you are indeed the greatest evil scientist apparently.

The show was pretty classic in how it was structured and played thing and when I say classic, I mean it. It had a moral of the episode format, usually taught through ancient ninja rhyme through the book that gave Randy, the main character, his powers: The Ninjanomicon which is a great name. It would also be what helped grant him various ninja tools to beat bad guys, though his main weapon was the ever changing length scarf he had and a sick ass sword.

The show also had a good sense of humor about what it was though. Like the first episode's lesson from the book is that the greatest weapon is within the suit. When Randy gets his ass kicked, he believes it must be trying to tell him to believe in himself, draw in deep and OPE NOPE! It means there's a sword in the suit! Time to get to slicing and dicing!

The downfall of the show for me was the same thing that makes me actually surprised it didn't stick around longer than it did (besides Disney being honestly pretty stingy with seasons for the past decade for its shows): It being formulaic. Eventually, I did get tired of seeing Randy making similar mistakes or do things that felt like he should have outgrown. Sure, his best friend Howard rarely if ever changed and that could pull him down but it still eventually stopped feeling right. The episode that snapped it for me was when Julian (I can't believe I remember his name), the wanna be magician of the school went full supervillain and got real magical powers. It was a neat turn... Predicated on Howard and Randy being complete assholes to someone they'd at least once or twice called friend.

And that is what the real shame of the show for me was. There was a lot you could actually read into and say about the eb and flow of relationships and sometimes even the show had great fun with it. One episode in particular that I loved was when Howard accidentally gets the ninja powers and people like how he showboats while doing it so Randy questions being the ninja. The two guys are cut from the same cloth, best friends for a reason, but the show REALLY highlighted that eventually, a conflict between Howard and Randy was going to come to the head. Why?

Well... Because Randy is just a dumb teenager who wants to be popular. Howard is an asshole. It's not even the first episode that highlights it but every time it gets highlighted, it's a BIG problem for Randy. In this one, Howard is so cruel to a robot, takes his time to mock it so thoroughly that eventually the robot gets corrupted by the sorcerer and all its weaknesses are now strengths and it's damn near unstoppable. I forget how Randy beats it (besides just being better with the powers) but it always stuck out to me as a reminder that Randy WAS a hero, despite his flaws, and that the ninja before him had made the right call choosing him (not sure if we ever got an answer as to WHY Randy got it, though that was by no means necessary.)

It's just the sort of show that I had enjoyed enough that I wish I'd had more people to share in it while I was enjoying it. I could admittedly try going back now and seeing how it is but well... It's a decade old and had protags all about trying to be cool. Danny Phantom used regular, classic tropes for this while Randy actually tried to embrace the fact that stuff like influencers were starting to exist and become more popular so you can probably imagine its sense of humor by that. I wouldn't call it bad but the last time I tried rewatching the first episode, I remember not finding it nearly as charming as I had the first time, let alone as charming as my brain thought it was.

But on that note, I will say possibly one of the least controversial thing I ever have, just to let fellow fans squeal with me: Holy shit was Randy and Baton girl my absolute OTP of the show and I still get all sorts of happy anytime I'm reminded of the two.

And if you're going "Wait, was she a background charact-" NOPE! THEY LITERALLY CALLED HER BATON GIRL! If she ever got an actual name, I don't know it! And god are elements like that why I've never forgotten that show, for good and for ill. Edit: She was named Theresa in S2. Thank you to the commenter who reminded me!

[uhohbestie]

hey besties i have fanfic-themed but not directly plot-related questions! well, mostly

question 1) do yall have any favorite zombie media? was there anything in particular that yall are drawing on for your fic?

personally i've been scared of zombie movies all my life lol but because of tamn i've finally been trying to finish the world war z audiobook? (the last time i tried getting thru it was pre covid which has been. a weird experience) it's fully voice acted and i like it so far! super different from the 2013 movie with brad pitt

question 2) :3 do you guys think you'd be up to talk about the no-apocalypse au where scarian get to have a normal breakup someday? :3 it doesn't have to be now or anytime soon but i'd be into hearing about it!

anyways hope yall are having a good day lock and key ^_^

These are some really REALLY good questions!!!

for starters! for me (Lock) I actually didn't start watching zombie media until Key introduced me to it! We watched the Korean series All Of Us Are Dead together, and then followed it with Last Of Us (the tv adaptation) and the first seasons of The Walking Dead, so I've have a very curated window into zombie media (actually! We watched Walking Dead as research for TAMN, because Key wanted to make sure I understood what hordes of zombies in cities look like!)

As for Key's zombie exposure (lol): I (Key) WAS BIG INTO ZOMBIES GROWING UP!! Constant zombie media consumption--probably one of my earliest hyperfixations ngl I feel like what we're drawing on while we write TAMN is an amalgamation of all our favourite bits from the things we've seen together, as well as some of my favourite formative zombie medias while growing up.

The Walking Dead Season 1 remains like, one of my all-time favourite seasons of any television show ever, so that's definitely a big influence. (Some of the later seasons get a lot less of my love LOL) The Korean movie Train to Busan is also a popular one you may have heard of--I'd definitely recommend giving that a go if you're okay with zombie media that veer on the side of tragic. When The Last of Us (Part One) came out, it quickly became my favourite zombie-oriented video game, though a lot of its predecessors (Resident Evil series esp.) really gripped me (even though it took me ages to play-through cuz they would scare the shit out of me LMAO) Its TV show is also an excellent adaptation, so if you're not into playing it or watching a Let's Play, the show is a good bet! The UK series In the Flesh was also an interesting look into After™ the apocalypse, and though it was cancelled after it's second season, it's also worth a watch for a fresh perspective on zombie media. 28 Days Later was an excellent movie and ofc Dawn of the Dead is a classic. And then the usual comedies like Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, etc.

I saw World War Z as a movie but never read the book! I should def give it a try--idk why I never did! God, honestly I could ramble about zombie media forever if given the chance 😂 None of this even begins to cover the sheer amount of zombie comics I read. I was very much a "webcomic" era kid, so a lot of my favourite old original zombie comics are either offline now or I simply don't remember what they were called anymore, so I have no way to track them down :( I did recently enjoy the webtoon Boyfriend of the Dead as a light-hearted, humourous read, but there were a lot of gripping, nuanced, plot-heavy original comics like a decade ago that I loved and I wish I could link. ANYWAYS. I'LL STOP MYSELF HERE AND LET LOCK ANSWER QUESTION NUMBER 2 LMAO

HI IT'S LOCK. I'M BACK. Now, as for a non-apocalypse Scarian scenario, we've actually thought about this a LOT! One of our favourite things to do is make an AU, and then multiple "what if one key things was different" spinoffs of the same AU.

We're gonna put this under a read-more, in case you'd like to keep the "what if" a mystery forever, but to sum up:

In an alternate reality where Scar and Grian break up and then the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen........ they stay broken up! Scar gets what he longs for in the fic: time away from Grian to hurt and grieve and heal with the support of his close friends who care about him.

It takes him a while until he feels ready to date again, but Scar does eventually start a new relationship with someone he knows really well, and has loved and trusted for a long time. They get engaged and start planning their wedding..............

............. and then Grian comes back and says he's sorry, that he misses Scar, that he was wrong, and that he doesn't want to be without him. And Scar................... takes him back.

It's-- listen, it's not the best possible outcome! But we're basing heavily on the Life Series Scarian dynamic, which is itself incredibly nuanced and complicated and tragic and a little bit "you're both bad for each other." It's part soulmates, and it's part codependence, and it's partly killing the person you love with your bare hands alone in the desert, and how that guilt ends up haunting you into every other subsequent timeline. Grian's not the best person for Scar as he is, and Scar's not the best person for Grian, but they want to be with each other, and unfortunately that desire often overrides common sense.

As for what happens after that.... we don't know yet! It was a thought experiment we worked through and ultimately realised "oh, it's WAY better for them that the zombies DID happen in the long run, 'cause without them this would be awful." (Not that the zombies are great, but woof......... Scarian, c'mon.) In this version of events, they lose a lot of friends when Scar takes Grian back, and the isolation suits Scar poorly. It takes them a much longer time to work through how to be good for one another. If the zombie apocalypse was good for anything, it was forcing a reckoning of what they wanted and how to get it--the only other option was death. Without that hanging over their heads, it takes Scarian years to reach any sort of resolution, which (no spoilers but) takes TAMN!Scarian a much shorter amount of time to get to.

Hope that answers your question! The 'what ifs' are our favourite, so we love to ramble about them hahaha <3

[cheeto-flavoured-pasta]

For the Random WIP Ask Game:

11. 🌈 RAINBOW SLOTH: Wild card! Share one thing about your WIP that you have been waiting to be asked about!

And all of a sudden I’ve forgotten everything I’ve ever wanted to be asked…

Kidding (partially).

I initially wanted to post a whole paragraph about plot twist ideas/arcs for my WIP for this, but then again, I also wanna talk about APS fun facts, but then again again, the question is asking to share only one thing, so now I have to actually make a choice and commit. :P.

I think I’ll do the second option, so here are some random APS fun facts:

The very first version of APS was some novel I wrote 3 years ago that was set in Japan (I was a huge weeb at the time and it was so cringey) and the plot was wildly different and honestly so convoluted. I tried to take the premise of “superhumans discovered by government and go through dystopic hell” and “secret underground superhuman organization that basically fights off ‘bad guys’” and mush them together. Turns out, you can’t have two main premises at once (at least for me). One of them could have been a side-premise/subplot of sorts, but nooo. I had to mash them together and squeeze them into one book to the point where the plot switched from one plot idea to the next (ex: I set up the story as a “superhumans discovered by gov’t” plot and then completely flipped it on its head and forgot the other premise halfway through). It was a hot mess. A flaming mess. I deleted that book entirely and decided to change everything about it (except the title). That was a much better decision.

Caster was supposed to be the love interest of another random side character. Decided against it later because I don’t wanna center the story too much around romance. Caster’s also aroace and not interested in any kind of relationship, it wouldn’t really be fitting anyway. Idk, the idea just didn’t stick.

There was supposed to be a scene in chapter 6(?? Was it 6?) — the one where there’s a street brawl and someone chokes and dies — where Talia actually steps in to do something. All she manages to do is splash water in one of the perpetrator’s/instigator’s faces. I only wrote that because I thought it was funny, but I took it out later because it created a big character inconsistency

APS was supposed to be a book series with dual-POVs throughout (ex: Caster and Talia for the first book, Melissa and Cassian for the second, etc. etc.) I eventually scrapped that because the second POV either became useless to the book or it could have another whomp story all by itself without sharing the story with a perspective of another character.

At one point, I planned APS to be a 6-10 book series with so many fucking prequels and sequels and companion novels. I scratched that entirely because, seriously, it was so unnecessary to have that much for no good reason at all. The plot would be too stretched and convoluted if I kept it as a 6-10 book series, and after revamping the plot events, I realized I only needed three books to tell the whole story.

To build off the previous one: I do have a slight “spinoff” series of APS called APP (A Powerful Past). It’s more of just individual books covering pieces of backstory/lore in more detail, but that’s a side-series, so it’s pretty much it’s own thing. I’m only gonna work on it after APS is finished, so for now, the most I do to work on APP is to add to any thought dump pages.

[flowerish-cherry-blue]

book review: five feet apart by rachael lippincott | 2018

summary:

can you love someone you can never touch?

stella grant likes to be in control—even though her totally out of control lungs have sent her in and out of the hospital most of her life. at this point, what stella needs to control most is keeping herself away from anyone or anything that might pass along an infection and jeopardize the possibility of a lung transplant. six feet apart. no exceptions.

the only thing will newman wants to be in control of is getting out of this hospital. he couldn’t care less about his treatments, or a fancy new clinical drug trial. soon, he’ll turn eighteen and then he’ll be able to unplug all these machines and actually go see the world, not just its hospitals.

will’s exactly what stella needs to stay away from. if he so much as breathes on stella she could lose her spot on the transplant list. either one of them could die. the only way to stay alive is to stay apart. but suddenly six feet doesn’t feel like safety. it feels like punishment.

what if they could steal back just a little bit of the space their broken lungs have stolen from them? would five feet apart really be so dangerous if it stops their hearts from breaking too?

my opinion:

to begin with, i have a history of getting to know this book. of course, i heard about its existence only after watching the movie. but my hands came to her almost 5 years later, and how many times i stopped by its shelf in stores… it's hard to count.

so here it is! as for the book itself, i was satisfied, i will immediately note a kind of happy ending, which i lacked in the movie and the emotions that i felt myself.

although i won't gloss over the mediocrity of the plot, in terms of the exhaustion of such a theme, the love between ill people, i saw such a thing and later i will tell you. at the same time, none of the characters did not cause me irritation, i empathized with all of them and honestly, with pleasure, watched the development of the book from both sides of will and stella.

the language is lame in places from time to time, and i'm not sure if this was the author's first work, but practice makes perfect, ya know?

now, let's have a look at the next few points:

• as i mentioned above, the book reminds me of something and that is the fault in our stars by john green, and no, i'm not trying to compare them, but these books have a similar underlying theme of doomed love. that why i think i liked five feet apart more, again due to the fact that the beloved characters are alive by the end.

• the book made me cry and that's fine, i understood very well the situation described in the book because i have experienced somethimg like in my live and those feelings and things still terrefy me.

• i think the author went a little overboard when she made stella such a control freak, yes i understand what it was about, but still. control yourself, but not everyone around you, sweetheart.

• i also want to say a word about the parents in this book, i mean we are shown two models of family and they are not the happiest - a single mom and a divorced couple that broke up because of tragedy. honestly, i am very happy with the attitude of the parents towards their children, even though they were the very templates of their types.

• poe's death shocked me, it was not so easy to bear, as stella herself thought that death just follows her around and takes away her beloved ones. in some ways it was comparable to augustus' death in the fault in our stars.

• as i noted earlier, in some places the writing was a bit tempestuous in terms of descriptions, but i haven't encountered this very often and i'm glad i didn't.

so, i want to say that I really enjoyed this book, i think that all the time i waited to read it was worth it. and it brought me some relief because i cried and was able to let my emotions out

my rating:

4/5

«If i’m going to die, i'd like to actually live first.»

«don’t think about what you’ve lost. think of how much you have to gain. live, stella.»

[krs724490]

11.4.2024

breathwork was not what I expected... it was a little more tame. I could feel myself tempering myself. I dont have to go for the gold and try to create this big emotionally exhausting experience like magda taught me. I can just poke around and see whats going on. I very much rode the waves. I didn't try to peak the experience so hard. Which I am grateful for. I realize now I haven't done breathwork since before the summer? yeah. I did one right before I left. I've been through so so much since my last breathwork that very much influenced this experience.

In my mind, I thought I might experience a boss ass bitch energy. because that is what I've been orienting toward lately. and a little of that was there. I could sense that there was so much for me to tackle and do for myself. I saw the ways I could really seize my workouts and eating well and generate so much wellness inside of myself. Now that I am prioritizing myself the ways I can build relationships and become super educated on topics I'm interested in. I dont always have to feel dumb, I can recognize the wealth of knowledge I do have. I can read books and learn things. and I can't wait to pour time into doing that.

*side note* I thought a deal breaker was that graham did not make me feel special. but I also realize I was not making myself feel special anymore. I wasn't improving my own self esteem and that was informing my interpretation of graham's views on me. I'm not sure this could still be a potential deal breaker...

I thought I might get the message that I am so powerful on my own that I should put graham down. instead I got the opposite. even now sitting here it is hard for me to wrap my brain around because my brain doesn't want to believe. I had this feeling of truth. the truth is that we had something solid. I honestly cannot put words to it. but it was the feeling that he still reigns true to me. I wish it weren't true. it feels like such horseshit actually. that I would have feelings for someone who doesn't give me the love and support I deserve. how much can you blame on an attachment style? I dont want to do what I have to do tomorrow but I also know......

he is a part of my own self development, big a boss bitch bc I am addressing my feelings about him. not weak to feel for someone.

I can't help but think of when brian was trying to get back together with me and how lame and sad it felt. but if I paint that narrative around it thats the energy I will carry. it is actually a great act of bravery and something I'm doing for myself. and if I get rejected then I get rejected. painful but revealing. and I can see myself taking that shit absolutely alchemizing with time and tears. godspeed for tomorrow. it is going to be interesting nonetheless. great for the plot.

god telling me I am seeing the signs. I asked god during the session if signs were real or what was going on. and the message was clear, "you already know." the signs are all real because you have god within you and you are claiming the signs. I've seen signs both that graham and I will get back together and that we wont. and its because right now both are true. I'm pulling at straws in either direction. I am seeing the signs and making them mean something. I am also putting energy into my situation. its all coming from me.

the breathwork doesn't feel as satisfying. it felt jumbled and less bodily, more mental to be honest. my body dug up the emotions - a montage of graham in the hospital with me. this is a somatic practice, sorry. I shouldn't say it was all mental but I was frustrated with the outcome. it would be easier to move the other direction. and I left feeling like gaaaahhhh. no simple answer. just the multitudes that I contain inside of myself! I am learning to sit with the paradoxes that throw themselves around left and right. and I feel well right now doing it. praise be

[moplayspoke]

Finished the Heart of the Sun Warrior, the final chapter in the Celestial Kingdom Duology… Overall a 3.5/5. Did I have fun? Yes. Would I read it again? Nah. Here is my mini review for it:

It had some elements that I loved from the first book and it started strong... and then it just became a whiplash of event after event. For one, I had a hard time believing Wugang would so easily take over an empire of celestials with such ease and quickness. I also felt like a lot of confrontations went a little too smoothly despite the main characters running out of places to flee or hide. And then when we finally get to the primary showdown it just felt so rushed and fast, it almost felt like more was expected or there would be some major twist that occurred.

I feel like too much time was spent on the dramatics of the way-too-drawn-out love triangle and less on the actual final battle. I mean we're talking a civil war amongst the heavens surely it should take a large chunk of the final book at the very least?

Speaking of love triangle, holy mother of god did it try my patience! I am not even going to blame the love interests here, the FMC was the problem. The whole "I love them both" rhetoric and selfishness was so grating I wanted to faceplant straight into my palm every time. I had a hard time believing either of her relationships with both men were based in real love and not love of convenience with a naive character. Her inner dialogue read to me like that of a 14 year old girl who had several pretty pieces of jewelry to pick from but refused to choose just 1 because her "heart was divided". Please.

And although I liked Whenzi more than Liwei in terms of interesting character dynamic (and for his more romantic side), I feel the first book made his character almost irredeemable to remain a love interest. It would have made more sense if there was a stronger reason to believe his character had good intentions all along (e.g. if he had held her hostage as a ruse to deceive his father/kingdom but did not get the chance to tell her his plan or could not reveal the reason for his fake betrayal?). And if that were the case, it would not have been a true betrayal of trust after all, redeeming his character in full. But alas, that was not what happened and his "excuse" for it was pretty weak.

Liwei would have been an alright option as well if he did not feel like he had the personality of a cardboard box. His entire personality was just the "good son" and being in love with the FMC. He had so much more personality in the first book with his swagger, candid frankness and sense of humor.

Honestly, I feel like she should have gone for the not-so-obvious options #3 or #4: Prince Yanxi or, honestly? Herself. This girl needed more healing and to needed to learn how to love herself first. She needed to learn how to love before she could entertain any more princes throwing themselves at her feet. For how could she truly, and I mean TRULY, love someone if she did not understand what love really was? It took a death to get her to admit to having feelings for one person, she clearly needs to learn what deep, committed and irrevocable love is at its core before she can promise herself to another. Ok, rant over.

And I'm also not a big fan of characters coming back from the dead unless there's a deeper reason or they never really died. I feel like her dad coming back into the picture felt like it cheapened the impact of his "death" from the first book and left a bit of a plot hole (why did the dragon think he was dead if they are supposedly all knowing? especially if they have such a magical connection with him).

Despite all my gripes, I did actually have a lot of fun with this story and enjoyed it. The world was just as beautiful as the first book. I enjoyed learning more of the world, its descriptions and its prose and learning more about the various realms.

And Shuxiao is an absolute *queen*, long may she reign! I wish we had seen more of her in this. I am glad she ended up where she did. I also liked how things ended as a whole and that everyone got their very sought after and very fair happily ever after.