#and it helps me process real emotions i otherwise struggle with

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

Another week chock full of Japanese ql. I am officially dropping a currently airing show from QL Corner--let us never speak of it again. Of the other six shows still airing now, five are streaming weekly on Gaga and the other is available via fansub.

Takara's Treasure

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite things airing—it gets better every week, and it's been good from the start! This story is a great example of the way tension and depth of feeling in a great romance can build. I was delighted to have Takara confirm Taishin's confession and coax him into dating this early on because it means we are going to actually spend some time with them figuring out how to work as a couple. And I don't expect it will be smooth sailing, because these two have some incompatible issues that are going to exacerbate each other.

Cosmetic Playlover

This show is gorgeous, but it all feels pretty empty. Thank you to @usertoxicyaoi for confirming that the show is racing through the plot so it can cover the whole arc of the manga. I'm glad to understand why it's doing this, but it doesn't help with my total emotional disconnect from the story, because the show is rushing through and not letting us actually experience this relationship. They tell us they like each other, then that they're in love, then that they're established and struggling, but I can't feel it because they haven't brought us along for any of that. This week featured an interesting plot about their professional growth and how it challenges their relationship, but I was frustrated because I have no investment in said relationship to give the plot stakes. I may just have to accept that this one will stay a treat for the eyes but lacking in depth for me.

I Hear the Sunspot

We back! After a bit of a miscalibrated installment last week, this episode felt more characteristic and we finally got our boys back on track. Maya was less egregiously mean to people this week and her interference was treated as more comedic than sinister, which is a much better fit for the tone of this show. And once Kohei got around her, he finally talked properly with Taichi and asked him to stay on as his notetaker, reaffirming their friendship in the process. Despite Maya's efforts to convince him otherwise, Kohei has not wavered and his firm declaration that he doesn't want anyone but Taichi taking his notes or eating his food had me gasping. For his part, Taichi is getting better at keeping his cool and finding words when Kohei lets his feelings slip, and he's clearly thinking a lot about his own feelings and whether their connection is really about friendship.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Oh man, this show has really gotten itself into a muddle. We finally got a kiss, but it hardly felt like a triumph. This episode was a bit of a return to form, with Ayaka back to her relentless pursuit of Hiroko, but the way the story diverged to change the conflict midstream has mucked it all up. For the first half the conflict was about Hiroko believing Ayaka is straight, and then suddenly it was about a different work-related closet trauma that did not connect to that. Now it’s touching on both but in a way that makes Hiroko seem inconsistent, because now that she knows Ayaka is a lesbian it doesn't track that she would continue to patronize and dismiss her, and it also sucks that Ayaka is harassing Hiroko at work despite knowing she doesn't want to be out. It feels like the story is invalidating Hiroko’s fears about being out in a way we know is not consistent with reality. This would all work better if the backstory had been about Hiroko falling for a woman who succumbed to comphet and we kept up the misunderstanding and comedy about Ayaka being straight. As it is, I feel like our heroine no longer makes sense and our couple still hasn't formed a real connection, and with only one episode to go it’s unlikely they’ll land the plane.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

I just love everything about this show and its mature perspective on relationships. In the aftermath of Ishida's hasty confession (and his attempt to walk it back, which I love that Mitsuya did not fall for), we take a beat for Mitsuya to consider the two men circling him and what he wants from his life. I loved that he took the time he needed to process and end his relationship with Noguchi on his own terms this time, and to consider whether he has the desire and the energy to try again with someone new. When he said he has his home and his work and his Frito and that's enough for him, I felt that. But Ishida has already gotten to him, and as Shige wisely pointed out, Mitsuya must care about him quite a bit to be considering this deeply before making a move. I'm not sure he's ready to dive in, but he doesn't have much will to fight it, either. You can go here for the files to watch this episode, with big thanks to @isaksbestpillow and @nicks-den.

Tagging @bengiyo to add this week's anime update.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @oh-stars! ohstars has 91 fics in the Stranger Things fandom and 69 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@lady-lostmind recommends the following works by @oh-stars:

Fuck. I Think I Love You.

The Men We've Become (Series)

Yours (all along)

Hidden Depths

Distance

"ohstars has a way of making heartache feel so good. Every time I read one of their fics I know I'm in for something special, and will inevitably go through a wide range of emotions while I'm brought along for a ride with the characters. I love the way they show so much through small details, letting the characters actions speak for themselves a lot of the time and the insight you get as a reader when you catch glimpses of the story even the character hasn't realized yet and getting to watch them grow throughout the story. They have a way of showing the beauty in the little moments, and letting you linger in the sweet in-between of big points, letting the story build on itself slowly." -- @lady-lostmind

Below the cut, @oh-stars answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I think a lot of my ships boil down to Golden Retriever x Stoic Character. Add in that I adore when there’s a character who would sacrifice themselves to an inch of survival (if that) that gets the love and comfort they deserve, Steddie hits the spot. I’ve always been a big Steve fan but none of the ships prior to season four really inspired anything in me. And it took a minute for Steddie to click (which I think is the case for a lot of us, volume two just hit different), but when it did, there was no going back. I really enjoy exploring their relationship within the universe and everything that comes with – from sexuality crises, coming out, saving the world, and Stobin struggling with Steve liking a gremlin of a man. They just love each other so freakin much, y’all.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Misunderstandings, hurt/comfort, and kidfic are all tied as my favorites. It’s hard to pick just one because it really depends on my mood, but a good hurt/comfort is always the vibe.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Slow burn. It’s kind of a cop out answer because it can be used in any fic and with any trope, but I love the build up.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I read so much that I don’t know if I have one fic that’s my all time favorite. Bandaids for the Heart by LexiRoseWrites and Steve’s First Bruise by cairparavels are ones I think about pretty often.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’ve been toying with a royal au in my head for months, if not a year now. I just haven’t nailed the plot yet to want to put some real effort behind it. Once I have a better idea of the story, I can’t wait to dive in.

What is your writing process like?

Up in the air at the moment. It changes a lot over time. Something will work really well for a few months, then suddenly it doesn’t. Most of the time, I can’t seem to write unless I’m sprinting. Usually that’s a solo sprint, but I love writing with other people. I do a little light plotting ahead of time, then let the characters take the reins… which is probably why I hit so many walls throughout a fic.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I don’t know if I have any quirks that are unique to myself. I’m very particular about my format when writing. I can’t write without it being double spaced, times new roman, 12 pt, and justified, which is 100% a product of schools enforcing that format for projects. And I have a hard time actually sitting down to write without the help of writing games like sprints and the word game. Otherwise, I don’t do much editing? I do the bare minimum and post… which isn’t ideal. That’s the opposite of what I’d advise.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I would love to be someone who can post on a schedule consistently, but it rarely happens. Usually I can only succeed with that when a fic is a part of an event, otherwise I always get behind on my schedule.

Which fic are you most proud of?

You carved the space for my sadness to be seen for once (hold on to me) has a very special place in my heart. Out of my Steddie fics, it’s probably the one that I hold most dear, but I’m incredibly proud of The Man That I Could Be. It’s taken a lot for me to be proud of that one, but it was a whirlwind of an experience. I still go back to it and can’t really believe I wrote it to begin with, even though I have vivid memories of writing some of those scenes.

How did you get the idea for Yours (all along)?

I had an initial idea of doing a teacher AU but also wanted to explore lavender marriage Stobin, so I just… ran with it. I didn’t know where I was going in that first chapter’s first draft, just let Eddie’s voice take over. The plot and idea formed the more he revealed to me, with a few standout points acting as markers to get me through.

When writing Yours (all along), what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect my big bang artist m0momercy to be inspired by as many scenes as they were! Whenever I write a big bang or event fic, I’m very aware of which scenes I think would be visually compelling versus ones that would be harder to create for. I may dabble in art, but I don’t consider myself an artist, so it really took me by surprise that they were able to take the most random (but beloved – that scare scene is everything to me) scenes and create magic out of my words. I adore them and their work (please go check them out!!), so it was really great getting the honor to work with them on this project.

What inspired Hidden Depths?

This one was based on a prompt for @steddiesummerexchange. I had been wanting to do a nerd Steve fic, so this was the perfect opportunity to explore what that would look like!

What was your favorite part to write from Fuck. I Think I Love You.?

The playlist!! imfinereallyy created the playlist for @strangerthingsreversebigbang and the art to go along with it, so I had the opportunity to create a story around their song choices. I listened to that playlist exclusively (rip my spotify history on that one) while writing it, tried to find new ways to interpret the songs and incorporate them into the fic, and I’m really happy with how it turned out.

How do/did you feel writing The Men We've Become?

Honestly, it’s a blur. The first 100k of The Man That I Could Be was written in a month, with the rest over the next few months. It’s a beast of a fic, the longest I’ve ever written. When I think back on that time, I genuinely think something possessed me when writing. I was sitting down and knocking out 5k writing sessions almost daily, tapping into depths I wasn’t really sure I had. It’s kind of insane to me that I finished it.

What was the most difficult part of writing Distance?

I wrote this fic as a part of @steddielovemonth and was doing my own 90-Day writing challenge. Honestly, the hardest part was remembering this was a writing exercise to see a snapshot of Steve and Eddie’s relationship, rather than a longer fic. I wanted it to have the feel of a longer work with the satisfaction of a one-shot. Keeping it short and in the moment, not letting myself get lost in the tangents, and having the fic have a grounded feel was really important to me so I’d hope that I was able to succeed there.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

I know there are lines that I’m proud of but for the life of me, I could not tell you what they are or where to find them. My two favorite scenes that come to mind though are the opener scene in you carved the space for my sadness to be seen for once (hold on to me) and the scene in chapter four of The Man That I Could Be – aka Steve’s breakdown/grief scene.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Oh gosh. I do plan on writing again soon, with a few FandomTrumpsHate fics coming out by the end of the year and new chapters of you carved the space for my sadness to be seen for once (hold on to me) coming soon. Otherwise, I mod a lot of things! @steddiebingo sign ups start November 1st and @steveharringtonbigbang starts January 1st!

Thank you to our author, @oh-stars, and our nominator, @lady-lostmind! See more of ohstars's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[manuinout]

I'm currently having executive dysfunction to make videos, so here's a little concept for my next part of Empathy's fic on Inside Out 2! Of course, this is still a concept which contains my own assumptions of the incidents of the movie, so it will change depending on how the sequel will work. Hope you like it either way!

(If you don't wanna get spoiled for the next part of Empathy, don't click read more!)

Friendly Ghost (Empathy IO 2 concept)

"How am I gonna find my friends like this? This place is huge!"

Empathy walks through Long Term Memory, scanning each corner looking for signs for the other emotions. After the six escaped from the giant glass jar to which Anxiety bottled them up, all of them have been split up, which was a huge inconvenience. If they need to go back to Headquarters to fix all the mess Anxiety is causing, they need to go together.

However, the more Empathy tracks through Long Term Memory, the more they get frustrated. It felt like they were only walking in circles aimlessly!

"You know, it would help a lot to have someone in the area that knows the way to help me walk through this maze," the emotion yelled out sarcastically, pouring their irritation towards the mind workers into their speech. "But noooo! When it comes to people actually needing assistance, the only people working here don't even give a f..!"

Before they could even swear, they stop to take a deep breath to prevent themselves to explode.

"Calm down, Empathy. Don't freak out. You will find your friends, fix everything, and it'll all be okay," they spoke to themselves, sitting down on the ground and resting their back on the shelf of memories to regain their stamina.

"But... I'm lost. I really can't do this alone."

Empathy covers their face with their hands, letting out a frustrated sigh as they run their fingers through their curly hair. At this point, they were wondering if they should just give up and sit there until one of their friends find them. However, that would be a waste of their time, despite being the only option they see instead of losing themselves even more in this gigantic maze...

Suddenly, before they could get lost in their thoughts as well, they heard something plopping onto the ground beside them. Upon turning their head at the source of the sound, they see a purple drawstring bag, multiple little drawings of different candies stamped all over. Has this always been here? This bag looked... ancient. And oddly familiar.

As much as they felt curious to why this bag was here, the emotion didn't see any importance in it. They can't just open other people's bags like that, as strangely this one even showed up by their side.

However, as if it read their mind, the bag bounced slightly closer to them, causing them to lean back as their eyes widen with a mix of surprise and confusion.

... Okay? They must be seeing things at this point. There's absolutely no way this bag inched closer to them like that. Unless there was something inside, waiting to be freed... Did they hit their head, or have been alone for so long that they're starting to go insane?

Before they could even process what they're witnessing, the bag hopped onto them, resting its weight onto their lap...

Empathy wasn't hallucinating. This is definitely real, otherwise they wouldn't be able to feel the worn out fabric and the strings tickling their skin. However, they can't help but question what was going on as the mysterious bag bounced from time to time, as if begging to be opened.

With a raised eyebrow, they see no other choice other than finally opening it. They hesitate, still skeptical about what could possibly be wanting to come out. But slowly and surely, they pry it open. And what came out caught them off guard.

There were pink sparkles at first, but soon enough a top hat pops out, the figure trying to squeeze themselves out of this small bag, but almost ending up stuck. After the individual struggles for a second, Empathy instinctively widens the bag's exit to help it come out. And like that, the unknown being flies out of the bag, bouncing on the walls like a ball.

Eventually, the... pink elephant... managed to keep himself still, resting his hand on his head as he recovers from his dizziness.

"Woah! Getting out was sure harder than getting in. Gotta keep that in mind," He soon shifts his attention to the silver and golden emotion, who was wide eyed. He waves at them with a wide smile.

"Hiya there!"

With a yelp, Empathy quickly tried to stand up and rush to a certain distance away from the creature, however they ended up stumbling and falling back to the ground due to standing up too fast in their panic, to which they started crawling backwards.

"Hey, easy, easy! I won't hurt you!" He reassured while waving both his hands, trying to calm the emotion down, "I'm a friend!"

As Empathy now had a clear look at the individual, his physical form was... complex. He seemed to be made of cotton candy, but shape wise, he was part cat and part elephant... And maybe something else that they couldn't put a finger on just yet. Somehow, he looked familiar. However, one thing that stuck out to them the most was...

"You're a ghost?!"

"Oh, you noticed that part, didn't ya?" He chortled, looking down to himself before continuing, "Well, yeah! I am a ghost indeed! I don't know how... But I'm here."

What he said made sense, since they don't remember the bottom of his body, to which they assume were his legs, being transparent and replaced with little stars that float around from time to time the more the elephant moves in the air. But how? Who is he? Why is he here? And how did he fit in a bag where he usually couldn't?!

"By the look on your face, I think you have a lot of questions to ask."

"Of course I do!" The emotion frantically responded, getting up from the floor while fixing themselves. "Sorry, it's just that when you see something as unbelievable and confusing as this, you're sure gonna doubt yourself. I thought I was going insane!"

"Well, let me tell you this is 100% real! I can only say this because I could pinch you right now but, you know..."

The elephant floats closer to Empathy, moving his hand towards them in an attempt to hold their shoulder. However, despite it landing its weight on it successfully, his hand soon fazed right through, giving them a chill down their spine, and that proves his point enough.

"Ghost hands."

"Okay... so first of all, how did you even fit in this?" They pick up the drawstring bag from the floor, showing it to the ghost, "It's barely even your size!"

He laughs, carefully taking the bag from their hands to answer their question.

"Oh! You see, this bag is imaginary. It can fit anything you want and more!"

"Anything..?"

"Yep! Check this out!"

To prove his point once again, the ghost flipped the bag upside down, and upon opening it, various memories start pouring out like a waterfall. The quantity was so big for a bag this small. Still wondering if they were hallucinating, Empathy approached the pile, kneeling down to lay their hand on one of the memories. And once again, they are convinced that this is real.

"Any more questions? I'll happily answer them if I know it!"

The emotion, standing back up, ponders about what question they wanted to make next, as to understand the situation better. And that's what they were going to question now: the situation.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, I saw that you were pretty troubled while going around here trying to find your friends, and I thought 'Hey, why not help them'? A lot of the mind workers are junk with this kinda stuff, and I know almost every nook and cranny around here, so here I am! Bing Bong at your service!" He cheerfully bows down with a twirl of his hand, using his trunk to raise his top hat and soon raising his body back up, floating forward while waving at them as a request, "Follow me!"

While they walked, Empathy couldn't help but laugh at how goofy this ghost was. It was like he was some sort of cartoon character. However, upon introducing himself, his name rang in their head. They have heard this name before...

"Bing Bong..?" They echo his name for a few seconds, trying to remember where they heard it. Until...

"Wait... You're Riley's imaginary friend, aren't you?"

Bing Bong's eyes widened as soon as they mention his former role.

"You know me? Even though I've been forgotten for... who knows how long?"

"Yeah! A friend of mine back in Headquarters talked a lot about you when Riley was younger! She was a huge fan of yours."

"Oh, you're from Headquarters too?" He asked, to which the emotion nods affirmatively, "Wow, that's amazing! I think I may know who that friend of yours is too, and we'll definitely get you to find her and all the others! Oh, how rude of me... what's your name, lil' buddy?"

"I'm Empathy!"

[tumblingxelian]

Wednesday & Neurodivergence

This is mostly an idle musing which I touched on in my Wednesday video, but I think one thing the show did fairly well was actually managing to make an autistic character who is a jerk without making me angry or coming off as hateful.

Hear me out.

I'm very autistic, and I hate how so much media portrays autism & Neurodivergence as:

"Oh this character is autistic which means they lack emotions and are huge assholes!"

Not just solely because its hateful, or makes us look bad, but because its inaccurate. Not just to how autism works but how in the real world autistic people are used to being rejected and bullied and otherwise mistreated for struggling with social norms, communication, hyperfixations and so on.

I recall a good post talking about portrayals like Sherlock and Sheldon and how:

"Its like they have never faced rejection in their lives."

Wednesday actually makes this work for a few reasons.

1: The show draws a clear line between when Wednesday is being Neurodivergent, Addams Family Morbid, or just a jerk.

When she just doesn't understand something, rejects socializing because the actions of others distress her or has an interest in something 'weird' Wednesday is never demonized for it. She is instead framed sympathetically or sometimes neutrally.

Characters who accept her boundaries, needs and interests, such as not touching her, such as not being crowded, or her love of the macabre are consistently shown as closer to her and more sympathetic than those who do not or otherwise try and pressure her to behave 'normally'.

That is to say, autism/Neurodivergence is not the 'cause' of Wednesday often being a jerk. It is in fact just part of what makes her Wednesday and is thus morally neutral and something to be respected and understood. It can help inform some of her other thought processes such as incorrect conclusions she might reach but its in no way the cause of her more mean behavior.

2: The reason Wednesday is often mean is, well, she's kind of spoiled.

She comes from a wealthy and powerful family who share many of her interests and hyperfixations. Said family is extremely loving and indulgent, their wealthy and supernatural nature protects Wednesday from the consequences of her own actions.

Now, it doesn't protect her entirely, such as when some "Normies" killed her pet scorpion in what was functionally a hate crime against her.

However, she's still by and large insulated from discrimination that would endanger her after that & in comparison to other 'Outcasts'. But, more to the point, her family's money & connections mean even when she, for example causes huge amount of physical damage to others, she can avoid real repercussions.

It genuinely seems like sending her to Nevermore is the first time her parents have tried to impose limits on her actions at all. These factors also likely played a part in her otherwise being so careless in regards to targeting those who bullied her brother.

She is portrayed as very smart and often quite methodical, but it seems Wednesday rarely worries about the possible consequences of her actions. Be it from authority figures or her peers, or the dangerous situations she puts herself into until its too late.

Meaning she is quite reckless and brazen; seeming genuinely shocked and often frustrated when running up against a wall. Such as being defeated in fencing or not being able to simple brute force her way through interactions with others.

3: This can especially be seen in her relationship with Enid.

She's annoyed at being sent to Nevermore & angry at her parents for "Trying to make me like them", how accurate the latter complaint is could be considered question. As it mostly seems they are just sharing fond memories they hope might make her see Nevermore in a good ight and them not having sent her to Nevermore until the legal system demanded it to protect her.

Whatever the case, when Wednesday finds Enid's energetic and colorful personality to be annoying she takes out her frustration on Enid by being generally rude, antagonistic and above all, controlling.

She expects Enid to simply do as she says and to accommodate her desires. Showing no real regard foe her space or possessions and often giving blunt orders to her. But then she seems rather flummoxed when Enid responds to her behavior by -after giving up being friendly- matching Wednesday's antagonism with her own. So much so when it seems like it might come to blows, Enid shows herself entirely happy to stand up for herself.

This can also be seen when Enid withholds help Wednesday expects from her until she apologizes for mistreating Thing. She is shocked she upset him, bust also seems genuinely confused that she is expected to apologize for her actions if she wants either of their help. After all, normally when she lashes out at her parents in some way they simply roll with it, but not here.

Enid is by and large the main reason Wednesday seemed to grow as a person throughout the show. Respecting Wednesday's boundaries, needs and even if they made her uncomfortable her interests. While always firmly imposing her own boundaries and reasonable expectations on Wednesday.

It also isn't like Enid's perfect as the surprise party she threw stressed Wednesday out & she is portrayed sympathetically for it & Enid apologizes.

But that can also be contrasted with Wednesday deceiving Enid about the manor investigation and then refusing to take responsibility for Enid being upset by the situation, Wednesday put her into, as Enid did for her. Hence, Enid being the more emotionally mature of the two.

4: All of this also lays into her being so impacted by Enid's absence.

IE, up until this point Wednesday has thought she likely being alone and didn't care for or need company... Because she's never been truly alone before.

Her family has always been providing for her the kind of social support and safety she needs to the point where she find them kind of irritating. She might not have had friends at school but her brother was there and her family was large and always accommodating to her needs and desires.

Thus, it is easy for her essentially take them for granted and to think she doesn't need companionship or friends because she's never really been without it.

Bit with them -barring Thing- absent and having driven Enid away, Wednesday encounters, likely for the first time what it is like to be lonely and hates it. Her mood only starting to improve with her uncle's arrival and then with Enid's return.

This doesn't mean she became an extrovert or anything, merely that we are a social species that doesn't cope well with isolation and a lack of companionship.

Wednesday does not radically alter her demeanor or identity and suddenly start chilling in the school yard with with the homies or otherwise "Normalize" herself.

What she does is make it a point to be more considerate of those she keeps close & to allow more open communication so to maintain those relationships in a mutual, rather than one sided fashion.

Conclusion:

So yeah, I think that they actually managed to make this concept work quite well. With there being a clear dividing line between what behaviors were and weren't acceptable. & then tying those that were not to her privilege's as opposed to her Neurodivergence which was instead presented neutrally to sympathetically.

[psyches-love-nest]

Hi I would like to join your free love tarot reading💖💗✨My name is London and my sun sign is Gemini ♊️ if needed

My question is what will my next romantic interest be like? 👀

Tysm have a lovely day💕

Hello, London! I love your name✨. It makes me think you must be a really sweet woman in real life.

I hope this reading brings you clarity on the matter. Remember, never settle for less than you deserve! 🤗

🍯TIP JAR

He gives off Rockstar vibes. I can picture him dressed in all black with chunky combat boots, probably listening to My Chemical Romance on his headphones. This man could easily be an actor with how accurately his expressions convey deep, raw emotions. He’s dramatic, an idealist, and a hopeless romantic. When he’s passionate about something, he gives it his all. However, he's dealing with some mental health challenges that make his behavior erratic. He could experience mood swings that prevent him from making clear decisions about the emotional connection he’ll have with you.

He’s definitely going to feel a strong attraction toward you, one that shakes up his otherwise monotonous life. This connection could make him anxious because he’ll worry about you a lot, even though his focus should be on helping himself first. He’ll struggle to express how he feels about you and figure out how to include you in his plans. Things are a bit chaotic for him right now, and he’s scared of stepping out of his comfort zone. However, none of this will stop him from building up all kinds of fantasies about you. A part of him really wants to succeed in love, and your presence in his life will push him to confront his inner demons head-on. He knows he can’t truly be with you unless he empowers himself, heals his emotions, and believes he can commit to connection for real. With you, he’ll feel like he can open up emotionally, so there will be times when he shows you vulnerability or his more sorrowful look. He will be completely honest and transparent about what’s going on in his life.

Think of your next romantic interest as the tortured protagonist of a Mexican soap opera. He’s not a bad person, but you’re going to need a lot of patience. He’s still going through an emotional growth process, and that’s going to impact your relationship. This guy might stir a lot of compassion in you, and you might genuinely like him and feel a strong physical attraction toward him. But you need to consider whether what he has to offer is valuable to you, and if it’s worth staying and dealing with the challenges of this connection.

Paid readings status: open

[rekas-bitches]

There's a group of people on Tumblr who seem to COMPLETELY dislike q!Tubbo. And like, you're allowed to dislike someone, but my god. Wow.

Anyway: It's fine to dislike a character. It's fine to be upset at them that their pain results in them hurting others. It's even fine to be annoyed at the way they lash out or react to situations.

But please, when criticizing it, keep in mind that nothing about the way q!tubbo acts is unrealistic to real life people.

It's not unrealistic to lash out if people you are very close to, whether familial or in a friend group, start dating or become otherwise much closer, and it changes the dynamic, leaving you to feel left out.

It's not unrealistic to struggle with saying the right thing in emotional moments, so resorting to trying to communicate that you're there for them in other ways. (Gifts, making a base as secure as possible, telling them they can always take what they need)

It's not unrealistic to be overwhelmed with your emotions and not know how to communicate.

And it's certainly not unrealistic to not know how to help a child process their emotions while you're still struggling with yours.

And keep in mind that disliking a character might be fine, but just generally saying you're a bad person for struggling does hurt people who struggle with the same things.

I know for a fact it wasn't pleasant for me to read someone pretty much saying that if you struggle to communicate how you're feeling, you should just stay out of social situations completely.

[did-system-did]

Long Thoughts

I feel like a ghost of who I used to be.

I thought the more effort I put into healing, processing, accepting, and integrating the less I would have to deal with the symptoms of DiD. The less I would have to worry about being different.

Somehow with age, its gotten harder. I thought it would be the opposite. I idealized a future where I could just be one, have a better memory, and retain information better. I wanted that future so badly. Maybe its still possible and I'm just prematurely discouraged, but it was so much easier B.D (before discovery).

Yeah, it was chaotic and embarrassing and all the things you can imagine from an unknowingly traumatized little girl. It was easier back then to just write off my behavior as being weird. I was just the weird, rambunctious, unpredictable little girl, pre-teen, teenager, young woman. And truthfully, I found comfort in the idea that everyone lived that way.

Leaving the emotional distress aspect out of it, I thought everyone had multiple voices and memory gaps and drastic identity changes and internal conflict with identity. So I just lived my life. I was more unstable, but I was significantly happier even through the manic/depressive episodes. It was easier to write it off as "this is just part of life!". My system worked for me.

Finding out that I'm separate from the internal family that raised me was terrifying, embarrassing, yet liberating. Terrifying because the voices I came to be familiar with weren't a norm like i thought, embarrassing because i realized the horrible, mean, weird, chaotic things i've done around people wasnt a dream but actually real life; and liberating because i spent years trying to understand the complex experience i was having and finally cracked the surface.

It was an intense discovery.

Months and a couple years later i was extremely motivated to get to the bottom of my disorder, come to terms with what happened to me, and grow as an individual. Being aware of switches was harder than being unaware, because the latter meant that those days or memories were processed as dreams or separate from reality so i have nothing to worry about. Now knowing that I'm being ripped out of my mind and body made me more erratic when it came to time and how i spent it. I wanted to prevent switches so i could live my life more.

Almost 4 years A.D, i feel... defeated. I have lived my life a certain way since childhood filled with switching, beautiful chaos, and recklessness. It was full of rambunctious people taking care of me, laughing with me, helping me with tests, saying jokes only we can hear, talking to me out loud while i wear headphones walking home from school, protecting me, and just making me feel like someone was there for me. Although it was a confusing time, i was happy. My system made me happy.

That's something i have never admit to anyone, not even my husband who is in full support and knowledge of my disorder. But growing up and until discovery, my system was one whom i, for the most part, could trust.

It's just harder now. When you're a kid theres more freedom for weird behavior, but at 24 years old i would be called crazy.

I'm not crazy, im traumatized. I'm severely torn apart and my brain led the otherwise impossible task of gluing me back together. I spent time in psych wards and crisis houses. I lived in my car and got fired from jobs. I struggle heavily because the way my brain formed itself to live isnt one that fits where i am anymore. And yet, I still need them to feel like myself.

Its painful to accept that because for so long I just wanted to be me. But I'm seeing now that its already been done. This is my brain. This isnt the type of disorder you can medicate away. My brain put itself together in this way to survive and the more i try to make my days quiet and free from my system, the sadder I've become.

This is my sign to take a different approach and be more accepting of the system who helped save my life.

It'll be hard, but i want to be happy.

[katetorias]

How did you guys bring up your plurality to your therapist? I've been meaning to bring it up mine as I have just started accepting myself as a system. I feel as if being able to express ourselves would be great and would relieve stress.

Is there any ways to mention it without stating "I think I'm multiple"? Do they give you a diagnosis? If they do diagnose you, where do you go with the diagnosis?

I apologize if this is too much to ask, I just can't seem to get straight forward answers anywhere.

P.S. Love ur art, it's genuinely so beautiful.

hi!! im really happy you’ve come to accept yourself! i have very limited experience being “open” about being a system and it’s mostly restricted to online/interpersonal relationships and my therapist. we’ve only just recently been genuinely open because Jack struggled to not be during his session. im not diagnosed with anything as it’s only been a couple of sessions

personally, i started trying to explain the dissociative symptoms first, like how things don’t feel real and sometimes it feels like someone else is piloting. i tried to describe the physical sensations and how things felt wrong/there’s amnesia(emotional or otherwise)/my names, gender and pronouns would change, i would suddenly feel very uncomfortable with my appearance, etc.

i think starting with these things, especially connecting it to the other trauma/mental health things I already go through helped her follow the dots more directly. and since I was being vague, as if I didn’t really know the exacts, she filled those gaps in for me. she was like, “well.. we do see a lot in traumatized children that they compartmentalize or dissociate to make “someone else” deal with the trauma” and i was like “woah… for real..”

i hope this makes sense! Genuinely being honest will help, explain how many years you’ve noticed these things and anything that can affirm that it’s not something else.

on the diagnosis process I’m not sure, im sorry :( idk if I want to get a diagnosis and more so recognized, so you’ll have to find other sources

[strawberista]

⚅ — Reasons I'm Not Writing — ⚅

{I realized that sometimes I try to be on and then just can't be, or I am on and try to get something done but I struggle with it. And rather than writing up every single time what's going on with me, it might help to just give you guys a list of reasons I might not be writing.}

{I'm making a list, but just know that any of these things could be happening at the same time or one thing can be happening because of another. It's really a mix-and-match sort of scenario most of the time.}

⚀ I'm on mobile - A lot of the time when I'm not around, it's because I'm stuck only being on mobile and don't feel like struggling with it. I can still write when I'm using the app, technically, but it is a real hassle because of all the steps I have to take to cut it. So unless I'm super hype and want to finish that reply as soon as humanly possible, or unless I just don't have anything else to do, legitimately, I usually don't even mess with it. You can find me on Discord instead, usually.

⚀ I'm on Discord - Sometimes my discord is more active than my Tumblr, or that is to say, I'm getting replies here faster than Tumblr. Sometimes I may be on mobile so it's more convenient. Or sometimes I don't have the energy to struggle with Tumblr, but I'm alright dealing with discord. In any case, it's worth it to shoot me a message if you want to write with me there. I rp over disc, so I'm sure we can still have a lot of fun.

⚀ My family needs me - Whether it be for errands, emotional support, board games, or whathaveyou, sometimes my family just needs my attention and I can't be on, mobile or otherwise. I usually don't get a chance to warn anyone ahead of time so I can just disappear for a while, sometimes even the whole day if it's a big thing.

⚀ I'm asleep - Whether It's past my bedtime and I've gone to sleep for the night, or it's because I didn't get enough sleep and need more, or because sometimes I'm sick and need extra, I will from time to time just sleep. There's not much I can do about that one, honestly.

⚀ I'm sick or in pain - Similar to just being asleep, sometimes get sick or I'm just in a lot of pain and physically can't be in any sort of position that makes it easy to be on, mobile or otherwise.

⚀ My brain is playing Dial-up tones - Sometimes I'm on and actually looking through things, but I can't concentrate enough to get anything done. If something is playing beside me or people are talking around me, I'll get overstimulated or there will be too much to focus on at once and I have a hard time processing thoughts or anything. So I end up just sitting there staring at the screen for long periods of time.

⚀ I'm in an Unfriendly Environment - Similar to the above reason, sometimes I might end up having a panic/anxiety attack or the folks in my house will start arguing and making the environment feel too unsafe to work. That is to say, I don't feel like I can operate without having some sort of attack, not that I'm in actual danger. Situations like this can come on suddenly so I might not have time to say goodbye before I disappear.

⚀ IRL life has me very busy - Sometimes I have to dedicate the day to chores or groceries or something and I can't split that attention with mobile if I want to get everything done, so I have to give up writing to maintain my irl responsibilities.

⚀ I'm making graphics or art - Sometimes I'll take a break from writing to work on icons or banners or art instead. I try to multitask but there are times when it just doesn't work out that way. I might become more active as I finish my work, but I might just have to wait until the next day.

⚀ I'm focusing on playing video games - I usually can't split myself into doing everything I want to do. If I'm doing chores, I absolutely can't play video games and write as well. So sometimes I'll choose to replace writing with video games, or spend that time doing something else. I'm not trying to ignore anyone, I'm just trying to enjoy my other hobbies.

⚀ I'm on a different blog - Sometimes it might seem like I'm not writing, but I am just on a different blog. I run 5 main blogs and two side blogs, and even though some are lower activity than others, I do try to spend some time on all of them. If you don't see me in one place, I might just be somewhere else. I can also get into this funk of replying to like 4 different threads at the same time and get nothing done because I'm working on all of them at once.

{No matter what's going on, however, just know that I haven't forgotten about you. I might even be feeling a little bit of stess over making everyone wait when I probably could be writing instead. I'll get to everything as soon as I can, though. I just wanted you guys to know that I haven't forgotten you.}

[flownwrong]

Ten Characters, Ten Fandoms, Ten (haha no) Tags

more tag games! I was tagged by @prince-of-elsinore forever ago and just got around to it. thanks elsi!

1. gerri kellman, succession

stone cold bitch, smartest person in the room, crazy hot lady, probably the single most entertaining character for me to watch in the whole show. what can i say, she's just neat.

2. tim gutterson, justified

he don't miss MY HEART! deadpan, competent, and secretly a disaster. what more to want in a character. i love this boi, not one boring second on the screen.

3. harry du bois, disco elysium

no gifs for this one, but there's something wonderful about a character who's both been wrecked by life and poor choices to the point he completely lost sight of meaning or purpose AND is put in a clean slate position when he can experience the world and very intense events around him with childlike wonder. the way i played him was an (un)healthy combo of falling into old patterns and choosing to turn to light and open himself to it whenever he can, and he turned out to be an extremely cathartic vessel in this story and in my own processing.

4. charlie kelly, it's always sunny in philadelphia

my favourite rat boy. i appreciated how despite being the pinnacle of insanity he is also one who delivered most of the poignant, truly emotional points in the whole show for me. probably my favourite actor/part combo too. gj both charlies

5. casca, berserk

if we take the pre-eclipse arcs, she is actually one of my favourite women to be written by a man. a surprisingly deep figure that swerves away from cliches every time she approaches them, making choices when nobody expects her to choose for herself. "nobody lies their way into a body with this many scars," indeed.

6. jocelyn carter, person of interest

the counterweight of mundane in an otherwise very not mundane setting, a display of being a human with boundaries and restricted possibilities among people who move and operate on an entirely different plane, an overall bulldozer of human perseverance in the face of something incomprehensible. she's an all around good egg.

7. misato katsuragi, neon genesis evangelion

[claps misato on the back] this girl can fit so much trauma in her. her unique place in the story of cracking facades all around resonated most with me, layers and layers revealed and stripped off her persona to the point where there's a very real, struggling and lost core left that has to step up and take responsibility or perish. even as everything falls apart around her, she commits to moving further and further, and i loved watching it.

8. david ward, i am in eskew

not much of a character at all, but a magnificent device to explore the feelings of total alienation, detachment and otherness both through his place in reality and his place in unreality. he doesn't fit in either but he makes important choices in the face of the latter, patching up holes in himself even if he can't ever get whole again. a kind of alice in wonderland but horror experience.

9. francis crozier, the terror

very high on my list of extremely flawed characters you come to love not because they get rid of the flaws but because they learn to shed them in the face of harrowing experiences to uplift and help others. does not help at all that he's portrayed by king jarred harris who embodies this development perfectly. a++

10. sidney freedman, m*a*s*h

i forced myself to not cheat by picking hawkeye, but then it was no competition because sidney is by far the rarest kind of character i get to see. like how often do you get a psychiatrist/therapist on screen that doesn't cringe you out and oddly resonates with how you wish to see healing and help represented, all that despite being from a 50 year old show and using methods of its time? there's so little stigma or distance to be found around sidney, and so much acceptance and belief in people he tries to help. i want to carry this with me in my work if my becoming a therapist plan pans out.

i am Not Sure anyone in my circle escaped this, but in case someone did, i would love to see @blueniverse42's, @thegoodthebadandtheart's, @andreydaddanos's and @harpernovakaine lists!

[walkawaytall]

🍉 and 🌈 For the fic writer asks?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

People do know because I felt the need to explain the length of time between chapters in my author’s note, but I don’t think they’d know otherwise: Chapter 7 of Collateral took me forever to post for a reason. I had written the two final scenes of it way ahead of time, so I knew the point I wanted to get to and how I wanted to get there, and that I wanted all of it to happen in a Leia POV chapter, but I had a hard time getting it to flow in a way I liked. I rearranged the dialogue in that chapter several times and finally just accepted that it was going to be a good 1K-2K+ words longer than all the others (lol at Past Me who thought people would consider 6500 words just far too long for a chapter). But it got a fairly good response, and includes one of my favorite scenes, so it turned out well.

Also, in general, anything involving an argument that I know won’t be resolved quickly is hard for me to write. I hate conflict and I’m very much a fan of people working together well, so when conflict becomes necessary, I have to take a lot of breaks, especially if I’m going to have someone beloved say or do something that we as the audience know is completely not okay (this happens with Han in chapter 9 of Collateral and, ooooh, it was hard for me to wait to post the final chapter, which explains what the heck he was thinking when he said some of the stuff he did because he sort of sucks in that chapter).

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

Hey, look, this question is about trauma and I’m going to answer it pretty bluntly, but I’m not going into detail or anything. Proceed with appropriate caution, I guess?

Oh dang. Haha…well, in general — and not just including fanfiction, but some of my other writing as well — I’ve been able to write characters who have dealt with similar mental health issues to mine who have worked through their stuff and I think that has been helpful in some ways. My therapist and I have quite literally discussed my first one-shot, Tell Your Sister, because I get, like, disproportionately emotional about a lot of blindly-positive Anakin discourse and it’s definitely not related to projecting personal family baggage on to a dad who has narcissistic tendencies, nope, definitely nothing to see there 😂 (I don’t, like, fault Star Wars for this; these movies are not blueprints for handling interpersonal issues and they generally cover big ideas very broadly and sometimes symbolically on account of being family adventure films and not gritty dramas. But I maintain that Anakin’s last words in their full context are some of the worst things I’ve ever heard that are intended to be accepted as something good and positive). I did have to also explain that pathologizing everything in any of my writing is goofy because generally I write stuff because it’s a good addition to the story not just as an outlet.

And, at the risk of over sharing, I will say that some of the details about blood being cleaned up in Chapter 9 of Collateral is from a personal experience dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic death in my family — an experience I had a really hard time talking or thinking about for quite awhile after it happened, so being able to write about some of it in a way that was more empowering than horrifying was helpful, I think? It at least indicated to me that some healing on my end had taken place because I previously had a difficult time even journaling about it.

Thank you for the questions!

Let’s Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

[caatws]

I saw your post and I don't understand Gunn. What does a real family mean? I'm so confused. He dragged her butt back to the guardians and had her go through all the emotional turmoil of the whole movie for her fake family? Okay I guess but that seems stupid. Does she still get to be sisters with Nebula at least or is that now off the table.

Really though why does nothing about Gamora's story make sense anymore? She fell off a cliff and everything went to shit. I realized that Peter has basically been depressed since 2018 and falling apart drinking since being unsnapped. Nebula had one thing she wanted and that was a sister and she had to go without that for 5 years and then suddenly she gets her back and that's it. The rest of them don't even appear to fully grasp what's been going on. All this stuff happens off camera and then we're in vol 3 and before you know it the story is over.

The only way I can make sense of any of it is to see it as a story of Gamora dying and everything fell apart. Peter decented into a black pit of despair, the guardians couldn't figure out what to. Nebula trying to help running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Then Rocket nearly dies before dealing with his abuser and they all free some people before parting ways at the end. Otherwise the lack of information and explanation of why certain things are happening, have happened and some characters appearing checked out of the situation entirely, is just too much to comprehend. Noone else who died in IW or EG has had this crappy of an emotional follow up or further exploration of character except maybe Heimdall. I just don't understand it.

yeah i totally agree with you anon, like i was just telling some of my friends the other day how i think gamora honestly has like the WORST arc in the mcu bc of this whole thing. like other characters had arcs that ended rly stupidly (like steve lmao) bc they were ooc or did nothing but i think gamora's is like, a separate level of Terrible bc it's not even like she got an ooc ending or regressed or something, her "arc" was her life after thanos just being straight up ERASEDDDD in canon like. my god

and you're so right abt how the other characters who died in iw/eg have been treated better by the narrative in the time since, save for heimdall - like yesterday i was specifically trying to think of gamora's arc vs natasha romanoff's specifically in how both (after being fridged) have been grieved in the canon narratives since then, and, oh man...gamora truly got the worst of the worst here. like, we have gotten to see yelena and clint have actual arcs in their separate grieving processes for natasha (in addition to seeing tony, steve, bruce, and thor all grieve her in endgame), and bc it's become such an integral part of yelena's character specifically, i think it's fair to say we're probably going to see natasha's legacy continue in yelena's future stories

gamora has literally gotten nothing to this extent, bc we only ever see peter and nebula grieve her, and in vol 3 there are TWO TIMES where someone mentions gamora being dead and another character is like Well, Actually, She's Alive, She Just Doesn't Remember ! which essentially creates zero space in the narrative for the rest of the gotg to express grief for her, since it's established that they've apparently all made peace with 2014!gamora existing as a replacement but wanting absolutely nothing to do with them before the film which just seems ??? like you're telling me drax, rocket, mantis, and groot - none of them miss THEIR gamora EITHER ?????

like obviously i get gamora isn't gonna be swayed to do much after 48 hours (although how much time passes in vol 1 before the gotg start deciding they're a team/family....?) esp with the baggage of the original gamora vs 2014!gamora weighing over everything (except that the narrative shows and establishes only peter being the one to be struggling with this baggage, suggesting 2014!gamora could have relationships with the rest of the gotg without this conflict at all lol), but just....idk it's messy! (also when peter tried to gatekeep being a ravager from gamora during that one scene LMAOOO there was something so satisfying in that)

ALSO to continue making a long answer long...considering all the variant character nonsense the mcu has been trying to put us through in recent years with all the multiverse stuff, i think it's fair to look at gamora through that lens. bc that is literally what mcu phases 4 and 5 are abt. the multiverse. and what characters are like in different timelines.

between the loki show and no way home, we get the idea that there are certain values and truths that are inherent to each character no matter what world or timeline they live in - as the loki show so succinctly puts it, "what makes a loki a loki?"

so that brings me to ask, what makes a gamora a gamora?

and i don't think a gamora can exist without being part of the guardians family, so it's disappointing that our onscreen, canon narrative, ends before that can happen, and it's more disappointing that the language of "real family" suggests a conflict with gamora achieving that.

(inb4 someone's like WELL IT'S OPEN-ENDED IT'S WHAT HAPPENS OFFSCREEN AFTER ETC bc yeah i agree that could be a natural next step in 2014!gamora's story. which is the problem. THE STORY IS OVER. we aren't GETTING gamora or the gotg anymore, besides peter allegedly, whatever tf that entails lmao. so no matter how open-ended this is, it's still the last we're seeing of them in canon, so it deserves to be criticized as such - the canon end of the franchise.)

[serenebeasts]

This will probably have been in the drafts for a while by the time it’s posted because there’s a lot and I get tired SDKFJSFDKS but without further ado: the WIP rundown no one asked for.

Organised at the very least by subject matter, because while I may be out of control, I’m not a heathen.

WARNING: these won’t be spoiler-free.

Also, I’m noting this here because otherwise I’ll one hundred percent keep restating it with half the items on the list: I like angst I like to have fun :)

This is about to be so long. I apologise in advance if you’re of a mind to read the whole thing, and I thank you if you manage it.

Akash: Path of the Five

Ignatius/Aurora body painting – Ignatius asks Aurora if he can practice the art of body painting on her! Body-painting ensues, and also kissing. Aurora flirts with her man, her man loses his composure several times. Post-game, maybe post-wedding but I haven't decided that yet.

Andromeda Six

“I loved you, Vexx.” – f!Traveller/Vexx. You know that one scene in the storage room where the Traveller is supposed to interrogate Vexx but then you have the option of making things a bit emotional? Yeah.

Post-episode 5 – Because for some reason I wanted to sit in the feeling of terror and panic after Vexx gets shot. There will be content warning tags for medical procedures. I’m undecided on whether it’ll be Vexx route or Damon route, but either way Reba has a lot of love in her heart for Vexx and she is very worried for him.

Wereshark Vexx – More of a general AU idea than an actual work-in-progress at this stage, but it’s horny. Safety-for-work to be determined. Also, it has “wild stallion tamed by a teenage girl” energies, but instead of an untamed herbivore it has Vexx with some kind of metamorphosing virus, and instead of an adolescent schoolkid it has 20-something Princess Reba.

Blooming Panic

“Make me.” – xyx and lovelylola experience everyone’s favourite ‘challenge your significant other in a loving but definitely not god-honouring way’ trope, with LL as the perpetrator. A series of little moments, all inspired by the appearance of that line in the actual game.

Changeling

Ewan/Nora Build-A-Bear – Ewan and Nora go to the aforementioned store. Nora is an agent of chaos and somehow manages to create the perfect Ewan Bear despite the fact that there is no such real-life thing as Headless Teddy (trust me, I scoured the website. But you bet I'm making it work). I’m having maybe too much fun using the Build-A-Bear creation process as a narrative device.

Dragon Age

A Weakened Mind – Fenris/f!Hawke. DA2 Fenris + a combination of canonical spells that have an effect which is similar to the Feeblemind spell from D&D 5e = pain.

Gang AU – f!Cousland/Zevran. It's an Origins gang AU. She has bits of a fic but no plot, your honour.

Post-Enemies Among Us – Hawke being like “Ah. Mind control. These are the continued consequences of me not minding my own business. We love purposely not sleeping in case we were going to have nightmares.”

Twinblades – f!Cousland/Zevran. You know how in Awakening the flavour text for these default daggers equipped to a rogue Warden is like “these belonged to some guy from Nevarra for like a day but then they were nicked”? Here’s a concept: Zevran took them for his babygirl (gender neutral). Unclear how integral the daggers are to the plot as a whole, but they are very important to the beginning of the fic.

Fire Emblem

“Who is that?” – Gaius/f!Robin. An expansion on Robin and Gaius meeting in the Shepherds’ base camp, because in game it’s (I think?) Chrom who has to speak to him to recruit him, and I was like “But how does the tactician who now has to fit another moving part into the battle plan feel about this? And how does Gaius feel about the strange-looking but also very pretty tactician?”

Jeralt is Dead – Pain! Grief! Academy phase Byleth struggling to process her father’s death, the Blue Lions not knowing how to help her process it!

Kill Miklan again – Sylvain/f!Byleth. Post-game, some mage somewhere finds TOWSITD’s necromancy handbook and goes “You know what we should do with this? Bring back the Ashen Demon’s husband’s piece of garbage brother. Great plan, team! We won’t be hunted down and made to pay for our crimes at all!”

Lorenz/Marianne first date jitters – Post-game. Lorenz Hellman Gloucester puts his big boy boots on and woos Marianne von Edmund, like the newly-realised Actually A Genuinely Nice Man that emotional maturity has helped him become. We all clap for him.

Student Byleth AU – More of a collection of ficlets than one whole piece, but all of them feature Byleth as a student at the Academy rather than one of the teachers.

Sylvain/f!Byleth Hanahaki AU – The general storyline probably speaks for itself, but I ask the additional question: what if mutual pining meant double the sickness?

Sylvain/f!Byleth modern jousting performer AU – Sylvain Jose ‘I embody the Showy Horseman knightly archetype’ Gautier works for an entertainment company which I’ve described in my notes as being Medieval Times mixed with WWE. He flirts with Byleth ‘I’m a world-famous pop star but I also like swords so I have a season pass to the fake joust show’ Eisner a lot. Also, Jeralt says ‘canoodling’.

Sylvain/f!Byleth smut – There’s a bit of background to set the scene, but not much active plot once things get rolling. Sylvain has been in Fhirdiad, Margravine Byleth has been running the show in Gautier. Reunion time!

The Cat – I’m not sure if I want to finish this one, but the gist of it is that in academy phase there is this one very large tomcat which has decided to hang out in the Blue Lions classroom, and he’s in a bit of a state because he’s unwell. I’ve mostly been pantsing so I don’t know what the fuller plot is, but there will be a time jump to war phase and the big fluffy guy will come back looking strong and hearty. Something along the lines of ‘parallels between Dimitri Then and Dimitri Now, but with contrast provided by the physical wellbeing of a domesticated feline’.

The Grand Cathedral of Garreg Mach – Azure Moon. Getting fancy with the metaphors again to compare the absolute state the cathedral is in at the beginning of war phase to the absolute state of one Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd during the same time period. The cathedral gets repaired as time passes; Dimitri's mental health improves with some care and patience from those around him. Hints of Sylveth.

Greedfall

“Governor’s legates aren’t quite the same as Naut captains, my love.” – A fun little drabble about my De Sardet and Vasco having morning snuggle time and debating whether she really needs to get out of bed and attend to paperwork right this minute.

Dearest Constantin – De Sardet writing a letter that she'll never send, because she killed her cousin for the greater good.

Hades

“Am I a monster, Achilles?” – Zagreus asks Achilles for some good old-fashioned father-figure-brand reassurance because he just got his ass beat by Theseus, a.k.a. The hero king who did all of that neat stuff with killing bad guys and was granted Elysium, and his self-esteem is not high.

Hypnos/Zagreus smut – Barely any background and no plot to speak of.

Mass Effect

“Tell me something about you, Commander Shepard.” – Garrus/f!Shepard. We start during 1, with Garrus querying Shepard in an effort to foster a positive relationship between them, because at that stage he’s one of exactly two non-humans on the Normandy and it seems wise to make friends with the commanding officer. ‘Tell me something’ quickly becomes A Thing That The Commander And Garrus Do at incidental points across the trilogy.

“There are aliens on deck.” – My humble contribution to the classic ‘Shepard squares up with someone being less than polite about her alien crew’ scenario, but this time the perpetrator is also a Normandy crew member. No xenophobes allowed on this starship.

Alchera – The requisite expansion on Hackett’s assignment to collect dog tags and sight out a spot for a memorial on that one particular ice planet where Shepard, y’know. Died.

Banner of the First Regiment – Inspired by the turians in Purgatory who are looking for the titular artefact in 3. Shepard finds the banner and returns it, as one does when one is doing a playthrough where one is trying to do all possible assignments, and the officer buys her a drink, which turns into a drinking contest. As I was brainstorming ideas for it, I started drawing connections between the implied situation of the First and the Tennyson poem The Charge of the Light Brigade, so that will probably have some significance.

Everyone has heard of Commander Shepard. – From the POV of an as-yet nameless and faceless Alliance marine assigned to the Normandy after the Reapers first hit Earth. It’s had a few facelifts since I first started drafting it, but the core of it is a third-person perspective of Shepard at the beginning of 3 with a few hops forward in time up to and including the pickup of a certain turian sniper at Menae.

Garrus is… – Garrus/f!Shepard. The classic ‘using repetition to show something evolving while having a constant at its core’ technique.

Hell hath no fury like Shepard defending her crew. – Another one with not much of a plot yet; thus far it’s pretty much just some sections of one scene and that’s it. A rando on the Presidium starts trash talking the Normandy crew, and my dear darling Aspen Shepard reacts as any self-respecting Australian does when overhearing baseless trash talk about her friends: immediately starts shit with said rando about it.

Home – Garrus/f!Shepard. Truly disgusting fluff about Shepard having a bricks-and-mortar home that she owns for the first time in her life, thanks to Anderson’s gift. Kind of a collection of moments rather than a full narrative, but what’s important is that one of them involves Shepard asking Garrus to move in.

Lost But Not Forgotten – ME Andromeda. If you’ve played Andromeda then you’ll probably recognise the title because I lifted it directly from the questline about searching for the turian Pathfinder. In my outline notes I’ve written, and I quote, “I wonder if Ryder and Avitus would trauma or grief bond about them being Pathfinders for their respective races, and having become such Specifically because the previous Pathfinders intentionally put Ryder and Avitus before themselves because they loved them”, so that's more or less the gist, with a side of ‘Avitus was Macen’s second, but Ryder was just Alec’s kid’.

Post-EC ending – Shepard lives (😤) and, after a period of recovery and a lengthy negotiation during which she has every right to ensure her requests are met with no conditions, she gets a cruiser and a small crew and goes off to do something I haven’t plotted yet because all I have written is the emotionally compromising first chapter, post-game, from Garrus’ POV.

Sole Survivor – Everyone loves a good bit of pre-canon speculation on what kind of hell a character went through during XYZ backstory element, right?

Monster Hunter

Rider and Kyle being enemies – In context of the story progression of Wings of Ruin, the main character and Kyle resolve their differences fairly quickly. But what if they were only allies for the sake of saving the world, didn’t actually like each other or get along outside of world-saving tasks (although Kyle makes a half-hearted effort at first), and continued to butt heads for several years afterwards?

Pokémon

Crime de la Crime – Guzma/OC. The providence of this one can be traced directly back to the fateful day I entered my local cinema and watched ‘Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)’, to use that masterpiece’s full government name. Chaotic ‘hero versus… villain, question mark?’ AU, where Casey is the super-powered Spitfire and Guzma is the master thief known as Shadow.

First date – Guzma/OC. This is by no means their ‘canonical’ first date, as it were; it might end up being so, but I need to write out everything that comes before it in their timeline of events (specifically We Are Kings and the Kalos arc) to be confident it would go this way. As it stands, Guzma takes advantage of the fact that Casey thinks the occasion is special enough for a dress rather than her usual shorts-and-a-graphic-tee fare and makes a dinner reservation somewhere fancy enough that reservations are encouraged.

Grim Reaper AU – Guzma/OC. Fairly self-explanatory. Guzma is the Reaper, Casey is a recently deceased whose soul Guzma is responsible for safely escorting to the afterlife. I couldn’t just let it be simple, though, and there’s action and adventure involved as well as some ‘past lives’ flashback shenaniganry.

We Are Kings – Guzma/OC. The piece of writing which explores how Casey and Guzma get to know each other and catch feelings. Follows the broad timeline of Sun/Moon. One of the things about this one is that I started drafting it during a time when I was dealing with Stuff, so I used the original version as a way to vent my frustrations. Casey was only sparsely fleshed out at the time, but she’s much more so these years on, so I’ve been wanting to give the fic a major overhaul—i.e., demolishing the whole thing and maybe keeping a few scenes that would still work in an entirely reimagined version of the piece that allows Casey to shine more as a developed character rather than just as a Face for Audrey’s Self-Insert Guzma Fantasies. I had been posting the original version on AO3 until I decided to rewrite, and it’s still accessible (incomplete) Here. I might even leave it up once I get the reboot sorted, just as a fun point of reference.

Kalos University arc – Guzma/OC. I’m making myself keep this mostly in the planning phase because how it pans out is directly related to how We Are Kings goes. But, in summary: Casey, having figured out roughly what she wants out of life, decides to do her undergrad at an entirely made-up university campus back in Kalos. Guzma stays in Alola. It’s kind of a ‘long-distance situationship’ thing.

ME Casey AU – Vega/OC as well as Guzma/OC (with a side helping of @fightfortheusers' Makai), so it really could have gone either under this heading or Mass Effect, but she was a Pokémon OC first, so that’s where I’ve decided to keep the folder. Another which is more a collection of scenarios than a fic, but there is this whole thing about Casey being one of the Normandy crew members abducted by the Collectors in 2 which could probably be refined into a proper work with the amount of content it has.

Paramore The Only Exception – Guzma/OC. Requisite ‘but what if it wasn’t mutual pining’ fic, as per the angst fic writer playbook. One-sided, with Casey as the ‘side’.

Plumeria glances at her – Plumeria/OC. Just a Plumeria/Casey drabble, because Casey is my little bisexual angel baby.

Small-time Rock Band AU – Guzma/OC. Me being a dirty rotten former 5SOS diehard, I wouldn't be myself if I didn't have at least one of this flavour of AU. Casey is the guitarist in a locally renowned band of which Piers Swordandshield and Olivia Sunandmoon are also members. Guzma is in the audience one night. That's as far as I've got so far, but if I know my own mind, I'll come back to it shortly.

That being said – Raihan/OC. This one stars my Galar OC, Lottie. There is some sort of red carpet event pre-relationship, and the gym challenger whom Lottie manages (@fightfortheusers' Matteo, icyww) has managed to wrangle her an invitation to said event as Raihan's plus-one. She wants to strangle the kid, it's very funny.

Redacted Audio

Inversion – Milo/Sweetheart. The contents are pretty self-evident; I’m subjecting everyone to Inversion fic. While what I’ve drafted thus far is from Sweetheart’s POV, I think it would be fun and not at all upsetting to include the rest of the listeners whose partners are involved in the storyline. The opening will be the aforementioned Sweetheart POV, including them getting a situation report and proceeding to shit themselves in worry without reprieve until they see that Milo wound up on the outside of the ward.

Helping your feisty werewolf boyfriend shift again – Milo/Sweetheart. This one came to me before the Inversion fic, so I guess I’m working backwards? Stay tuned next year for Freelancer & Caelum baking fic, if the trend continues. With this one the intent is to put an actual written voice to how Sweetheart might have reacted to Milo “I am at my limit” Greer having a very understandable breakdown about his damaged core and unresponsive shifter magic.

When The Night Comes

“Gods above and below.” – Omen/Alkar/Hunter. Zeina has been out of town on a solo assignment, but the day she was supposed to get back has come and gone with neither word nor sign of her. Alkar is freaking out, Omen is only freaking out a bit less. But oh, what’s this? Here she comes, stumbling through the woods concussed and bleeding profusely! Basically, it’s an injury recovery fic.

The novelty hasn’t quite worn off – Omen/Alkar/Hunter smut. Without going into too much detail for the sake of the timeline, this work is Zeina being disgustingly in love with her partners while also trying very hard not to give them the satisfaction of having reduced her to begging.

Zeina dress – Omen/Alkar/Hunter. It’s midwinter, there isn’t much work to do because most creatures dislike the cold, and Zeina is losing it a bit so she decides to make herself a pretty outfit to cope.

Honourable mention for media where the fic ideas I have are languishing in the brainstorming stage: Errant Kingdom.

There are also. Several original works. I might make a separate post for those, if anyone is interested in more of my half-baked fictional projects?

@ejunkiet

[investmentguide777]

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[twofacedtrickery]

What did they do before?

Not them, I meant what I did. I don't exactly know where your knowledge starts, and I don't know what they were doing, exactly, or thinking, as I somehow doubt there was much conversation, prior to getting to me, so I can't fill in anything before that point.

Mind, as well, that I was dazed right up until they jarred me awake, and that haze lingered a bit. I was also not given Red Sight, not that I would have accepted it if offered, so my recall isn't going to be perfect. Still, I'll do my best to describe events from a little before they got to me up to when there was a gun in my face.

So, when the power went out, I can't recall if I had been doing anything or if I had been thinking about whether I was going to see the other side of New--Professor's birthday, but after it went out, I was very confused, but still living in a haze.

There were unfamiliar footsteps down the hall, and I thought maybe my hosts were worse than I had known and were doing this as some sick punishment, which I only bring up to make it easier to imagine what I must have looked like to them. For a small bit of levity, I remember worrying faintly about the contents of my fridge, as if that was even in the top 100 problems right then.

Anyway, I can't say what any of them thought when they saw me, but I know that what they saw in that cell was a far cry from what I looked like when I left, at the very least I know I had dropped weight and shaved my head by that point, I probably looked sickly, as well. Doesn't matter.

They saw me and broke the lock to my cell, pretty quickly from what I remember hearing. I remember coming back to my body when I heard them doing it. I remember I stared at them for entirely too long before trying to thank them. I can't recall if I managed to nor the response.

One of them scanned everything to make sure I had been alone in there, kicking in the bathroom door. I don't know why I would have a guard in my bathroom. I digress. It was safe, and they had a stretcher, because I definitely would have struggled otherwise — thanks for that, by the way, breaking my legs and then being surprised a broken femur can take 4 to 6 months to fully heal with appropriate care.

It wasn't exactly easy work to get me on there, even though I tried to help. Maybe I was making it worse, given this was about when Dogma started getting really agitated. They snapped at us asking, sarcastically, if it was possible for us to move any slower. Due to my circumstances, I initially thought this was an order and questioned it before realizing my mistake and backing down.

It didn't exactly speed up the process any, and I guess they got even more agitated, because they accused me of trying to slow everyone down on purpose. I tried to snap back, I really did, I asked why I would do that, but it didn't have any real force behind it, I don't know why I remember that. I said a little more, I think just raising my prayers and how awful my home, in so much as it could be called that, was to support my case.

Dogma was unconvinced, and I can't fault them. I remember they brought up the length of my stay and how I must have been "really worked over" in that time, which I understand. They asked if I had been convinced, of what, in specific, I can only guess.

I refuted this, I remember the phrase "I don't want what they're selling." They asked if I was sure, and this is about when they grabbed my collar, I assume they must have reached for their gun somewhere in there, as well.

I refuted again, I think in Lithuanian at first, because that's what language I default to when emotions are running high, and I tried to say "If you think that's right, you know better than me," but I'm not sure how much of that came out in English, if at all. I assume some of it got lost, because that was when they drew the gun on me and demanded I explain myself.

So, it wasn't as if they had done it unprovoked.

[kunaigirl]

Adding to this: I'm gonna talk about the media representation I had at the time! While I was learning to read again, these two characters connected with the very core of my soul.

These two characters, from their respective shows, had different levels of illiteracy shown consistently on screen in canon. Oskar Kokoshka from Hey Arnold, and "Numbah 4" (real name Wally) from Kid's Next Door. Sadly, both were used mostly for punchlines, or to make other characters look better/smarter by comparison.

Oskar's character is a notorious selfish deadbeat, and Wally is the essential "dumb kid of the friend group" who can't read or spell for shit. In Wally's case, it was so other characters could correct him and look better/land a joke in doing so. And again, Oskar was a lazy deadbeat meant to be a bad example by design. It was the early 2000s, this is all the rep I had. (Keep in mind I'm speaking specifically of the 2003-2007 era when I was ages 8-12.)

As a kid I took what I could get, and made the best of it. I enjoyed and connected with these characters for YEARS. I'm not trying to sound miserable, these characters still hold a special place in my heart for this exact reason. At the time, I didn't care if they were always at the butt-end of the jokes. They were like me, going through what I was in one way or another, and that's all I needed. Punchline or not, it was SOMETHING when I otherwise felt completely alone. Oskar was very unlikable as a character, but the episode of Hey Arnold where he starts from scratch with baby books while everyone around him cheers him on and supports him, I'll never forget how inspired and happy and SEEN I felt watching it for the first time. That episode meant the entire WORLD to me.

For that one episode, he was an entirely different character to me. He wasn't the crappy neglectful deadbeat husband anymore, he was someone who was just like me. I saw it on screen, and seeing him get supported and comforted through the process. That episode touched my heart to the point where I was left WEEPING at the end when I saw it premiere. I re-watched it every single time I possibly could.

With Wally's character, he was more likable by a long shot, obviously. He was silly, adventurous, loyal to his friends, important to his team, and pretty relatable otherwise. He supported his friends and went on fun adventures. His reading level was constantly the butt-end of the jokes of course, but he was still a fully enjoyable character despite it. For me, it was a lot easier to connect with Wally also because unlike Oskar, he was a kid too. He was a kid like me. He was always my favorite character out of the whole show.

Wally never got a special or designated episode all about him learning to read/etc, but it was a constant through the entire series. Little details like seeing him get tutors or extra help, seeing his spelling slowly get better as the seasons progressed in background shot notebooks, seeing lower-grade reading books in his bedroom, things like that. Details like that made it even more realistic to me, so it technically was no context to which character I related to more. Wally's literacy struggles were "less emotional" than Oskar's special episode, but they were just as important in the opposite way. Casual, not a big deal, even laughable sometimes; which I also appreciated for reasons too.

Where these two characters examples of "great" representation? Depends on who you ask, but they were pretty less than ideal. For me, I enjoyed feeling seen and represented AT ALL in ANY form, but even as a kid, the endless jokes would get old FAST. I didn't need any help with being reminded to feel laughably stupid, thanks. Still, I mentally worked around the jokes to find some kind of comfort and representation from them anyways. And I loved every damn second of it despite it all.

Wally's character was VERY important to me as I experienced fighting my own illiteracy first hand, and that episode where Oskar takes his first steps into reading as an adult STILL makes me extremely emotional. They're examples are flawed, but they're what I had. And for that reason alone, I'll never be able to ever hate them.

Long post ahead, but I really want to talk about this...I think? Oh lord here we go, lol. Anyways, confession time!

I struggled with illiteracy and learning to read for a chunk of my life. I've mentioned it (in passing) in this post that I made about my experiences with having epilepsy, but I decided to make an whole post just for this for a change.

Somewhere around when I was in the second grade, I lost my ability to read and write due to a bad seizure I had. (That combined with the medications I was given too.) A lot of my memories are blank from that era, except for a very few instances I remember clearly. What I do remember though, has nothing to do with the seizure or even what lead up to it, all of that's still gone to this day.

I had lost my ability to read, and also was diagnosed with dyslexia during the quest to re-learn from scratch. (On top of already being diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 6.) I remember very vividly how HORRIBLE everything felt. I couldn't remember the names of things, and I had to re-learn, from preschool up, both reading and writing from scratch.

Somewhat luckily, I didn't lose anything else besides those chunks of memories and my ability to read, and I still remembered who I was, what cartoons I liked, my favorite music, etc. But suddenly, I couldn't read the CD titles anymore. I couldn't read the VHS covers. It was gone, ripped away from me very suddenly, and I knew it was missing. I knew that I already learned how to read and write, but it was forced out of me by a malfunctioning brain. I was home schooled because of it from grades 3rd-5th. (2003-2005)

In the third grade, I had made just enough progress to get books for 5 year olds. Everyone around me acted so proud, but all I could do was cry. I was humiliated. I felt so incredibly stupid, as being illiterate leaves you with no choice but to feel stupid. I threw those baby books around my room and sat on the floor crying. It wasn't fair, I didn't do anything wrong, it was my damn seizures. I had no control.

When I went back to public school for 6th grade, I got called stupid, the r-slur, illiterate, slow, basically every name in the book. Both kids and adults, all throughout those years while I continued to re-learn in real time. In middle school, my reading level was still low for my age, and I had to be in a special program with extra assistance and teacher accommodations. As soon as word got out, the kids were RELENTLESS. It was 06-07, nobody cared about bullying/etc, especially for a public middle school. The bullying never stopped.

I kept working and studying, slowly making progress. Years of struggling, learning to cope, inventing my own short-cuts to help read a little easier, using rulers and paper edges to help guide my eyes, everything. I was still in "special" classes with accommodations all through high school too. My senior year of high school, I graduated on the honor role list. Did that make me happy? It felt nice for sure, but better? Not by much. I knew how hard I still struggled, and still felt very embarrassed by it all. I'll never forget.

As a kid, the pain I felt was so intense. Physically from the seizure, and in every other way with having to re-learn how to spell t-r-e-e. Starting over with pre-K toddler books at 7. Kindergarten level at age 8, and a first grade level as a 9 year old. The feeling of having my memories ripped away just enough to leave me unable to recognize the symbols that decorated everything from posters to TV to book covers. Being told by a room full of doctors and neurologists what had happened, and being quizzed and tested to see what I still had left.

I have never forgotten those long nights. Even though I was a child, the shame and guilt and fear I felt were VERY real and very tense. And the jokes/remarks from both kids AND adults, the notebooks filled with raw squiggly anger, the uphill climb to regain what was taken from me. I will NEVER forget it. Even in college, I struggled with those heavy textbooks and their tiny fonts. I did well enough, but no one else struggled the way I did with them. I did my work and wrote my essays, but it would take full entire days. It still does.

At times, as an adult, I still get stuck on words. I can obviously read and write again, as you can see with this exact post, but it's not over. I struggle with certain fonts, and some books are just to difficult. I still work at it and still try as hard as I can even to this very goddamn day. It never truly ended, all these years later, 20 years later, I still sometimes fight to understand. I feel like an angry and humiliated kid again in those moments, but I'm not that kid or teen anymore. I lived thought it somehow.

I had a dream back when I was 17, where I'm standing in from of my 9 year old self and that pile of baby books. She's crying and looking at me, desperately. I walk over and hug her, proudly telling her "We read The Great Gatsby in high school, and we understand it."

To anyone who has struggled with illiteracy at non-toddler-points in their lives, I see you. To anyone who's struggled with reading comprehension, I see you. To anyone who struggled with writing, I see you. We don't talk about it enough, and I want to change that. I don't want to hide that side of my life experience anymore. Fuck shame, we climbed out of it.

And to this day, a copy of "The Great Gatsby" is still on my shelf. Because I read it in high school, and 9 year old me would've thought that was the coolest achievement ever.