#and it feels extra special because my boss is footing the bill

[fayeandknight]

In non sad news - I got a working spot in the training seminar I signed up for!

I legit registered in the first ten minutes the link went live but could only get an audit spot. The working spots sold out that fast. But I was informed I was second in the wait-list so I've been holding out hope.

Just got an email that a working spot opened so of course I jumped on it.

Super excited because the topic is play as a primary reinforcer! I've been shifting my training, with both my dogs personally and with client dogs, to be more play heavy. It's an ongoing goal of mine to make training more fun for the dog and I'm so happy to have this opportunity.

This is my winter holiday gift from my boss, who will cover not only the cost of the seminar but also hotel/air BNB costs.

[justmypartner]

Safe - 8x14 Speculation Fic

Writer’s Note: The idea for this came from the 8x14 synopsis, and while it technically still is a speculation fic, I don’t imagine the episode happening exactly like this. However, I did use what I’ve seen from bts photos and videos, as well as things Tracy has said in interviews to develop some of the scenes/details. This is probably my favorite piece that I’ve written in a while, so I hope you enjoy & thank you for reading!

Hailey rustled through her closet looking for her black wedged boots, trying her best to hurry as she knew Jay was waiting for her in the kitchen. She wasn’t much of a boot with a heel kind of girl, but she and Jay had special plans and she wanted to look nicer than usual. While they had been together for months, that night was the first time they were going on a proper date. They each decided at the beginning of their relationship that with both of their histories, they wanted to keep things simple and to themselves, which meant a lot of take-out and a lot of nights alone in their apartments. However, after Hailey mentioned something in passing about their clandestine time together starting to feel restrictive, Jay made plans at a fancy restaurant where he knew they wouldn’t run into any of their fellow team members.

“I don’t mean to rush you, but our reservation is in 45 minutes and it will take us about 30 to get there,” Jay said softly, peeking his head around the door frame.

“I know, I know. I’m trying to- finally!” she shouted upon finding the boots in the corner of her closet. She brought a knee into her chest as she pulled a boot onto her foot before switching to the other leg and doing the same.

“Okay, I just need to get my phone and wallet and then I’ll be-“ her words were cut short as she caught sight of him for the first time that evening. He was wearing a dress shirt with a light jacket, and his dark jeans curled over the top of a pair of black dress boots. It was much different from his typical, rugged workwear, but she took note of how well the look suited him.

“Wow you clean up nice, Halstead,” she told him with a dimpled smile as he blushed, extending a hand down to help her rise from the floor. Once she was standing, the small space between them closed quickly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing her lips to his briefly. While the heels added extra height, she still needed to raise on her tiptoes to meet his mouth.

“Not too bad yourself, Detective,” he uttered as her lips pulled away. His hands grasped her waist, holding her steady as she remained on her toes. They stayed pressed against one another for a moment looking into each other’s eyes, and just when he was about to go in for another kiss, she fell on her heels and pressed the tips of her fingers against his chest.

“Normally, I would indulge in this further, but we’re going to miss our reservation and I’m starving,” she teased, moving past him to retrieve her phone, keys, and wallet, along with her jacket slung over the back of the couch.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Hailey was charmed by how nice it was. It was far different from the usual dive bars and pubs they went to after work, and part of her even felt like it was too nice for them to be at.

“Halstead, party of 2,” he told the hostess, holding up 2 fingers with the hand that wasn’t intertwined with Hailey’s.

A stifled smile came across her face and she nodded her head towards the floor as they waited for someone to guide them to their table. It seemed surreal to be standing in the middle of a fancy restaurant with him, holding his hand and waiting to be seated for a romantic dinner. She couldn’t tell if it was because of how long she secretly pined over him or if it was because being with Jay felt like her first real love story, but there were many moments when being with him felt like some fantasy, and that moment was one of them. At one point in time, being with him was something she only dreamt about. It was a thought that crossed her mind when his gaze lingered a little longer than it should or when an accidental touch sent her heart racing. Before they took that leap, she worried being with him would mean giving up being his partner. It was that fear that made her keep her feelings bottled up for so long, but as they proved time and time again, as partners, as lovers, and as both - they were good together. She turned her head and placed a light kiss on his shoulder. It was a tangible reminder that he was hers to kiss, but it also grounded her in that moment that felt like just another dream.

The dinner itself was incredible. Hailey officially added the restaurant to her list of favorite food spots in Chicago, and they spent the entire meal giggling and sharing stories they had never shared before. By the end of it, Jay was stuffed, but Hailey insisted they order a dessert, her sweet tooth getting the best of her. Jay teased her for ordering the lava cake, the most indulgent option on the menu, but she was able to tease him right back when he asked the waiter for a second spoon when it was brought to the table.

Just as Jay was about to pay the check, his phone began to ring, Voight’s name popping up across the screen as he pulled out his wallet.

“Uh oh,” Hailey said as he picked it up to answer. Jay spoke with their boss briefly, mainly nodding his head and muttering brief affirmations every few seconds.

“I think she’s out tonight, but I can call her and swing by to pick her up wherever she is,” Jay said, shooting Hailey a wide-eyed look as he quickly came up with an excuse as to why they’d be riding in together all dressed up.

“Alright hot stuff, as much as I’d like to keep this night going, it seems we caught a case,” he told her, as he stood from his chair. He took out his wallet, counting out enough money to cover the check and tip before resting the bills under his glass on the table.

“At least we made it through dessert,” she said, sending him a childlike smile.

“Oh, that was dessert? I had something else in mind for that,” he replied smugly, Hailey’s face turning bright red at his suggestive words.

“Oh really?” She questioned, taking a step towards him to close the gap between them. “You’d better clean up that mind before we get to the scene,” she whispered with a chuckle, twirling around swiftly and making her way towards the door as he shook his head at her tease. His hand found the small of her back as they made their way out the door, and he placed a kiss against her temple, knowing it would probably be the last display of affection he could show before they had to enter partner mode.

When they arrived at the house, Kevin and Voight were outside talking to a few patrol officers. Hailey’s mood had changed drastically upon arriving at the scene. She couldn’t explain why, but she felt uneasy as she jumped out of the truck and secured her badge and gun to her hip.

As they approached, Kevin pursed his lips together and let out a two-tone whistle as he caught sight of Hailey.

“Damn girl, sorry to pull you away from whatever had you all cleaned up,” he told her, cocking his head to the side as she shook her head at him with a smirk. Her eyes caught sight of Voight’s as they darted between her and Jay and she became nervous, imagining that he was putting two and two together. She decided to change the subject quickly before any further comments could ensue.

“Oh, shut up,” she told him. “What do we got?” She asked, spinning her head around the scene and taking in the myriad of patrol cars.

“I think it’s something you have to unfortunately see for yourself. I do have to say, you might want to brace yourself for this one,” he said, turning to lead them inside. Jay and Hailey met eyes, sharing a look of concern before turning and following Kevin and Voight inside.

Walking through the front door, they collectively grimaced at the overwhelming smell of blood that tinged their noses. They hesitantly made their way deeper into the house and Hailey’s heart dropped when she caught sight of a family of four, a couple and their two kids, all tied up and shot dead on the living room floor. That uneasy feeling from before suddenly made sense. She clenched her jaw, groaning at the sight as she looked away, recognizing the same unsettled look in the face of each of her fellow officers.

“What the hell happened here?” Jay asked, looking over at Kevin for the answer.

“This is the second home invasion robbery in this neighborhood this week. Robbery-homicide has been working these guys since the first one, but so far they’ve come up with no leads. Whoever these guys are, they’re professionals. It’s a two-man crew, they come in through the back, dressed head to toe in dark attire, get what they need, kill the family, and get out. They’re in and out in less than 10 minutes and they’ve got a getaway driver who knows how to avoid traffic cameras. Robbery-homicide tells me these guys killed a family of three earlier this week, and that the dad had bruises on his body in addition to the gunshot wound that killed him. Now, what’s interesting is in this case, the mom is the one with these bruises. These families were definitely targeted, we’re just not sure how or why,” he explained causing them each to frown.

While Kevin explained the case, Hailey fell silent as the details brought her back to a string of cases she had worked during her time in robbery-homicide. She spent weeks chasing after a crew targeting families who had shopped at a high-end jewelry store, only that connection was missed for the first half of the investigation. By the time she and her team had finally caught on to why the families were being targeted, four families had already been killed, five kids below the age of ten among the victims. Hailey beat herself up for months knowing if they had caught onto the pattern sooner, they could have saved more of the families - more of the kids. This case sounded eerily similar, and she was bound to not let history repeat itself.  

“How’d we catch this if robbery-homicide was on it?” Jay asked, shoving his hands in his pockets as his gaze intentionally avoided the gruesome scene before them.

“Miller assigned it to us. She wanted a fresh pair of eyes. She’s getting a lot of heat from the press about there being no leads, especially since this is a high-end neighborhood. Plus, these guys have already killed three tender-aged kids. I want the animals on a stick,” Voight replied straightly.

“Do we know what they’re after?” Hailey asked, her brain already working to establish a connection.  

“No, and that’s what’s given our robbery-homicide guys so much trouble. The only connection is that both families have had pretty high-tech safes somewhere in the house. Last house it was in a bedroom closet, but this one was in the basement. It seems like these guys make their way in, beat the location and combo of the safe out of one of the parents, get what they need, and off the entire family before hauling ass out,” Kevin told them.

“Well, I’ve worked cases like this one before. If we’re going to get anywhere, we need to figure out what it was they wanted and how they knew about it. We’re on a time crunch now, because it’s only a matter of time before these guys strike again,” she said, turning and leaving the house without waiting for any of their responses.

After leaving the scene, they all made their way back to the district to go over the files robbery-homicide had sent over. They browsed over the files for a couple of hours before Voight sent them home, needing them to rest up and refresh before they dove completely into the case the next day. The familiarity of the case was itching at Hailey, but as much as she wanted to see something that everyone else was missing, she came up short in every place she looked.

The next morning, she and Jay got coffee together. She had been quiet since they caught the case. Jay picked up on her shift in mood that occurred from the restaurant to the scene, but he left it alone to give her the space she seemed to need. He eventually built up the nerve to ask what was wrong. She told him about her old case and how much it meant to catch the guys and quickly. He agreed, admitting to her how much seeing those dead kids struck a nerve. He reassured her they would catch them one way or another. As they walked out of the coffee shop, a call came over the radio:

Units over the city-wide, we got calls of a home invasion. 1433 N State Street

“Gold Coast, that’s the same neighborhood as the other home invasions, you think that’s our guys?” Jay asked looking over at Hailey as he held the radio up.

“Could be, let’s roll on it,” she told him, rushing towards his truck as he followed, telling dispatch they were taking the call.

They rolled up to the scene, carefully clearing the house together, but they arrived too late, and the offenders were gone. They found the couple who lived there in the same position as the last two families, only they still had a pulse. Hailey tried asking them what the offenders were after, but all she got were incoherent mutterings from each victim. They both died before ambulances could arrive, but just the same as the other cases, only the husband had signs of bruising in addition to the gunshot wound, and a safe was found in the back of a linen closet. While crime techs combed the house, Hailey made her way out to the back garden, finding a hose to rinse the victim’s blood from her hands. Her hands were shaking so much, she couldn’t quite scrub enough to get them clean. Jay caught sight of her through the window and wade his way out to her, grabbing her hands in his to steady them. She looked up at him as he nodded his head, taking the hose and helping her scrub her hands clean. Once they were clear, he held her hands in his for a minute longer, quickly releasing them when someone cleared their throat behind them. When they turned around Voight was standing there, his hands deep in his pockets, eyeing the two of them as they took a step back from one another. If he didn’t know about them before, he definitely did then.

“You get anything new on these guys?” He asked, a knowing look plastered across his face.

“No, Sarge. They were gone by the time we pulled up,” Jay told him, dropping the hose to the ground.

“Well, get back to it. We’ve wasted enough time as it is, we’ve got to catch these guys,” he said bluntly, turning and making his way back into the house. The two of them stayed there frozen, shaking their heads at how careless they had been to let him walk up on them like that.

Back at the district, they scrubbed the lives of all of the victims, still coming up with no connection between any of them. Nighttime arrived once again with no leads and no suspects, so they decided to call it and head home. That night, Hailey laid awake, tossing and turning for hours. She tried every method she knew to fight off the insomnia that had kept her restless, but nothing was able to lull her into a slumber. It was the case that was keeping her up, and her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling while a million theories circulated through her mind. Something about it just didn’t make sense, and she couldn’t shake the idea that they had been missing an obvious connection. The faces of the couple she tried to save earlier that day remained at the forefront of her mind, and after a while of fighting off the urge to get out of bed and chase that gut feeling, she finally slipped out from the grasp of Jay’s limp arm, carefully retreating from the bed as to not wake him. She made her way over to her closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and slipping a sweatshirt over her head before grabbing her badge and gun from the nightstand and sliding her phone into her back pocket. She made her way to her office, retrieving a sticky note and pen to write Jay a message letting him know where she was going.

Couldn’t sleep. Gone back to the district, needed to go over the case again. ♡

She tiptoed back into the bedroom and placed the note on her pillow where she knew he’d see if he happened to wake up. She grabbed her coat and opened the front door, slowly guiding it closed on her way out, still trying her best to be as quiet as possible. She wasn’t sure what she would be looking for when she arrived at the district, but she had hoped that studying it alone and in the quietness of the empty bullpen would provide her with a new perspective. She made herself a cup of coffee before walking over to her desk and opening up every file they had on the case. She paced the floor of the empty space, flipping through files and studying photos until she was sure there was nothing to see. Finally, she hoisted herself onto the top of her desk, pulling her knees into her chest and eyeing the board for something they may have been missing. Suddenly, she heard the beeping of the keypad and the clanging of the door opening and closing downstairs. She checked her phone to see the time. It was 4 am, and she couldn’t imagine who else would be up that early. She did a double-take as Jay made his way around the corner, a look of exhaustion on his face as he sent her a lazy smile.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him, unclasping her hands from around her knees and pulling herself to the edge of the desk.

“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing,” he said with a smirk, pulling his jacket from his shoulders and resting it on the back of her desk chair.

“I couldn’t sleep. Something about this case was keeping me up, so I figured instead of lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for hours I would try and make myself useful. You didn’t have to come check on me. I’m fine,” she told him, the corners of her lips curling up into a reassuring smile as he came to stand over her.

“I couldn’t go back to sleep once I realized you were gone,” he told her softly with a slight pout before turning to lean on the desk beside her. “So, what have you figured out?” He asked, his attention turning to the board before them. She sighed, crossing her arms and staring at the crime scene photos as he waited for her response.

“I don’t know. I mean these families have no connections. The kids all go to different schools, they all work at completely different places, they don’t even shop at the same stores, I can’t seem to figure out where their lives intersect, so I just don’t understand why they’re being targeted,” she ran down, looking over at Jay whose eyes surveyed the information on the board.

“Maybe it’s about more than just the robbery. I mean they’re taking time to kill every member of the family, including the kids. Unless these guys are just straight-up psychopaths, it sounds like whatever is going on could be personal,” Jay suggested, looking over at his partner whose eyes were transfixed on one particular photo on the case board. His words sparked something in her, and she caught sight of the words Resurgence Tech written in bold font on a magnet on the refrigerator from the second crime scene. She knew the name was familiar, but she couldn’t remember how.

She pulled out the files from each of the cases and found what she was looking for. An email address registered in the husband’s name from the first robbery ending in resurgencetech.co. Looking at the other files, she was able to establish a connection between all of them leading back to a company previously known as Resurgence Tech. As she and Jay investigated through the night, they were able to figure out what was being stolen and why it was worth killing over. Resurgence Tech was a company co-founded by four individuals, Ryan Ethers, victim of the first robbery, Scarlett Jameson, victim of the second, Max Lin, victim from the third, and Lianne Meadows, who lived in a house in the Gold Coast District close to the previous victims. Five years prior, Resurgence Tech created a breakthrough idea for a high-tech medical device that had the potential to significantly change the practice of medicine. However, after hours of gathering information and records, the two detectives found out that the design was actually stolen from two brothers who had developed the original idea for a project they were working on in college. Resurgence used their power and influence to discredit the claims of the brothers, blacklisting them from the entire industry, and eventually pulling the design before it could ever meet the market. Not long after, Resurgence shut down for good, liquidating its assets and washing its hands of its shady actions for good. Digging deeper into the four co-founders of Resurgence and knowing more about where to look, Hailey and Jay were able to find email exchanges between them all discussing what to do with the patent plans for the stolen design in case there ever came a time to reintroduce the tech to the market. The strategy was to split the plans between the four of them, each keeping a piece locked up on a thumb drive hidden in a safe.

As soon as the sun rose that morning, Hailey called Voight and the rest of the team to come in. She explained the connection and identified the brothers as suspects, describing how the robberies must have been to obtain the thumb drives and get vengeance for the way Resurgence screwed them over. The situation had a significant impact on the brothers’ lives, leading them to turn to a life of crime, describing how they got connected with an armed robbery crew, and began pulling jobs across the city before getting caught only a year after Resurgence blacklisted them from the tech industry. They were released early due to overcrowding and good behavior, so they got out, hacked into the emails of the individuals that ruined their lives, and found out the design was out there, still viable to be profited from. Running on anger and revenge and using the skills they developed in their time with the robbery crew, they sought to take back what was theirs. They were operating under the theory that the two brothers were committing the crimes, and a guy that used to run with them in their old robbery crew was taking on the role as the getaway driver.

“Well, let’s go scoop ‘em up,” Voight said upon hearing the rundown of the case.

“Sarge, as much as I want to bring these guys in, we don’t have any evidence on them. There’s been no DNA, no prints, no witnesses tying these guys to these cases. There’s no way they’re going to talk, and if we bring them in, they’re just going to get released even if we keep them for the full 48 hours. By then they’ll have already made plans to run,” Jay said.

“These guys have killed nine people, three of those people being little kids. If we don’t act now, they’re going to strike again and that’s going to be blood on our hands. We bring them in, and we make them talk. I don’t care if we have to threaten them, or if we get ‘em to flip on each other. Either way, we’re not just going to sit around and wait for something to happen on this one. Not when we’ve got a pile of bodies growing the longer we sit here with our thumbs up our asses. So, Hailey, Jay, I want you two going to pick these guys up,” Voight bit back, a distinct annoyance in his voice. He had been on edge throughout the entirety of the case, but his temper seemed to have only increased after walking up on Jay and Hailey at the scene a day prior.

As much as Hailey wanted to side with Voight, she knew Jay was right. Bringing them in with no evidence and no witnesses placing them at any of the scenes would only guarantee them getting to walk, something she was determined to not let happen.

“Sarge, we can’t,” she muttered, swallowing what felt like a rock in her throat as his face fell with bitter surprise.

“What?” He challenged, his head dropping down as he cut his eyes at her.

“Jay is right. We can’t just jump on these guys with no evidence or else we risk losing them for good. I know you want to get these guys quick, but there’s got to be a better play,” she replied, taking note of the uncomfortable looks expressed by the other Intelligence members who quietly observed the interaction from the other side of the room. She watched as he pulled the inside of his cheek between his teeth.

“Remind me, who’s the sergeant of this unit?” The question carried a great deal of weight, and everyone in the room fell silent as his eyes travelled between each of the five intelligence members. “You don’t have to agree with what I say, but there’s a chain of command here and I expect you to listen to me. Now, unless there’s another sergeant in this unit I’m unaware of, I’m in charge. So, I’m only going to say this one last time. Jay, Hailey, go pick these guys up. I have to go update Miller on what’s going on. Those guys better be sitting in interrogation when I get back. End of,” he roared, making his way past the officers who remained frozen in place.

While Adam, Kevin, and Kim went back to work, Hailey grabbed her jacket, heading down the hallway out to the parking lot to follow the sergeant’s orders.

“Hailey, wait,” Jay called after her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the observation room where he knew the others wouldn’t be able to hear them.

“What?” She questioned, a look of concern on her face as he silently thought through his words.

“I think I have another play,” he told her.

“Jay, he seemed- “she began before he cut her off.

“No, I know, but you know I’m right. We bring these guys in now and these families will never get the justice they deserve. We know there’s only one family left on their list, Lianne Meadows. The only move we have left is to catch these guys in the act. I say we sit on her house and wait for the robbery to go down, snatch them up, and then we have the guns tying them to the other cases and we have leverage to get them to flip if we need to,” Jay told her, the look in his eyes pleading with her to agree.

She knew Jay was right, but she also knew what going against Voight’s orders would mean. By that point, it was safe to assume he knew about their relationship. She knew that alone would be cause for him to assign them to different partners or even to different units. Teaming up and going against him would only increase the chances of him pulling the trigger on that. From the start of the case, she knew she wanted to catch the guys no matter what, but she never imagined it would involve making a decision that could possibly jeopardize her partnership with Jay. Every part of her knew his way was the only option that gave them a chance of making things right, yet she knew there would be a cost to them both going against Voight’s orders.

“You’re right… but let me do it alone,” she told him, causing him to frown at her words.

“What? No, I can’t let you go after these guys by yourself,” he argued, a combination of concern and annoyance in his voice.

“Jay, if we do this together it’s only going to give him reason to split us up. I have a feeling we’re already on his hit list after everything that has happened these past few days, and if he sees that we’re siding with each other… going rogue against his orders? He could reassign us partners, or worse, ship one of us off again. You, this partnership, our relationship, it all means too much to me to risk. If I go alone, only I take the fall, and he doesn’t have reason to use our relationship against us,” Hailey told him, moving a hand to his chest as she spoke.

Pushing him away and crossing that line by herself was the only way she knew how to protect both their relationship and their partnership. With her history of crossing lines, she had hoped it would just seem like another questionable decision she made all on her own, and he wouldn’t have reason to punish both of them by splitting them up.

“Hailey, I’m not just letting you go there without backup,” he finally said, his jaw set tightly as he peered into her eyes.

“I’ll have Trudy assign some patrol guys for backup. That way you and the others don’t take fall back from Voight, but I won’t be going in alone,” she replied, moving the hand from his chest to cup his face. “I’ll be fine,” she told him.

He nodded hesitantly before sliding his fingers down her arm and wrapping his hand around hers.

“Be careful,” he insisted, squeezing her hand lightly.

“Of course,” she nodded back before opening the door and disappearing down the hall.

She sat out front of the house, the patrol officers waiting a street over for her signal. It had been about an hour and she had already dodged two calls from Voight. Her patience was running thin with every minute that passed without a sign of the crew. Then, she spotted a dark van creeping down the street and she slumped down in her seat, trying to avoid being seen. As the van approached the house, two men rolled out of the back door as the van maintained a low speed before stopping down at the end of the street. The second the men made it around the back of the house, Hailey radioed the patrol guys, climbing out of her car and drawing her weapon as she followed the offenders around the back. When the patrol guys caught up, she nodded to one of them, signaling them to open the back door and enter the home. The second they made it through the doorway, they were catching fire. Hailey took cover behind a door frame, keying her radio attached to her vest.

“10-1, 10-1, shots fired at the police, 1327 N Dearborn Street. Be advised patrol and plainclothes officers on scene,” she yelled into the radio, securing her free hand back on her gun before motioning the officers to press forward. They made their way into the house, carefully clearing each room as they passed through. When they made it to the front of the house, she caught sight of one of the guys escaping out the front door.

“5021 Henry I’m in foot pursuit of a suspect in an alleyway going west across the street from the original location,” she called out into the radio as she pumped her legs with each step, trying to control her breath as she chased after the suspect. He rounded a corner and she slowed down, holding her gun out to peer around the corner before continuing the pursuit. The next thing she knew, her gun was being kicked out of her hands and she was being thrown against the wall, hitting the side of her head against brick and feeling blood trickle down her face. She brought a knee up into her attacker’s groin, giving her a brief opening to connect an elbow with the side of his head. Falling to the ground, the man grabbed at her ankle, bringing her down with him before grabbing hold of her vest and laying a fist into her jaw. The blow sent her backward, shooting pain into the side of her face. She caught sight of her gun on the ground a few feet away and went to crawl for it, but he grabbed at her leg, drawing her backward toward him as she stretched her fingertips towards the handle. He was stronger than her, and he managed to pull her back enough to regain hold of her vest, winding up to lay another fist into her face. Before he could, she wrapped a leg around his, twirling him over so she was hovering over him. She began laying fist after fist into his masked face until she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, sending her elbow backwards towards the person. It was grabbed instantly, and she wiggled in the grasp before turning around and taking in the familiar green eyes of her partner.

“Hailey, we got him,” he said, holstering his gun and grabbing her by each arm to pull her up from the ground. Kim came from behind him, removing the mask from the offender and rolling him over to place him in cuffs. Meanwhile, Jay wrapped Hailey in his arms, bringing his chin down to her head as they swayed together in an embrace. Her breath was heavy and shaky, and she felt tears pool at the corners of her eyes. She was overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, but his arms wound tightly around her helped steady her breathing.

“It’s okay Hailey, you’re safe. I’ve got you,” he reassured her through a whisper. She took comfort in his words, and despite the pain surging through her head, she buried it deeper into his chest.

Luckily, they had reached the target and her family in time before the offenders could do any harm. Hailey went to Med to get her head checked out. A few stitches and several scans later, she was cleared, making her way back to the district to take whatever repercussions Voight had in store for her. The second she made it up the stairs, everyone’s eyes fell on her and she just flashed them a gentle smile and nod, signaling to them she was okay. Voight came to the doorway of his office, and she didn’t miss a beat heading straight towards him. However, just before she reached the door, his attention shifted over towards Jay at his desk.

“You too, Jay,” was all the sergeant said before turning and moving back into his office. Jay stood, making his way over and closing the door behind him before coming to stand beside Hailey across from the Voight’s desk. He looked over at them silently for a moment, Hailey setting her jaw tightly as she braced for whatever was to come.

“Are we just making a habit out of disobeying me and questioning my orders? Is that what we’re doing now?” He asked them. They remained silent. “Because if that’s what we’re doing and you’ve got a problem with how I run things, there’s the door. You can get out right now,” he told them sternly.

“Sarge, we needed to get those guys. Catching them in the act was the only way. I did what I had to do to make sure those families got justice,” Hailey said, her eyes remaining fixed with his.

“I told you to pick them up, bring them in, and instead you went your own way, putting that family, yourself, and a couple of patrol officers at risk. I could suspend you over this,” he argued, a distinct tension building in his voice.

“Sarge, it was my idea. If anyone deserves punishment, it’s me,” Jay admitted, causing Hailey’s head to swivel his direction, a cross look on her face as the words left his mouth.

“No, that’s not… Look, I went there on my own. I’m the only one to blame here,” Hailey argued causing him to shake his head before them.

“Okay, look. I know there’s something going on between you two, I have known for a while,” the second the words left his mouth, their eyes met briefly, and they both swallowed hard before turning back to him. “I decided to turn a blind eye because you two were able to keep it strictly professional here at work as far as I was concerned. But what happened today, what’s happening right now… this lying to me and covering for each other is not welcome in my unit. This is your warning and it’s the only one you’re going to get. As long as I’m in charge of this unit, you listen to me. You don’t go off-book, you don’t go behind my back because you disagree with what I say, and you certainly don’t let whatever is going on between you two change the way you make decisions. I know you guys are going to have each other’s backs… as partners and as whatever else, but the second that trumps having my back and the team's back, the way it did today, it undermines my authority and puts all of us at risk. If anything happens again like what happened today, you’re both done, and I’ll make sure you never work in the same unit again. Is that clear?” He asked them.

“Understood,” Jay replied.

“Yes, Sarge,” Hailey uttered, her heart rate dropping significantly with relief.

They drove home that night in silence, partly from exhaustion and partly from trying to process everything that had happened in the past 72 hours. Three days ago, they were on their first official date, celebrating their relationship for what felt like the first time, and now they were coming down from what could have easily been the end of their job and their partnership. Even though she hated the way it had to go down, she stood by having Jay’s back and trying to protect their relationship, even if it meant muddying the waters between them and Voight. From the start of the case, she was determined to catch the guys, chasing a small sense of redemption she felt she needed for that case she worked so many years prior. She wasn’t happy about everything that happened, particularly everything that went wrong, but she was able to save a family and get some form of justice for the others, and she stood by that firmly. It wasn’t the first time she had challenged Voight or crossed lines, but it was the first time she was genuinely fearful of the consequences. She was just glad her fears didn’t come to fruition. She looked over at Jay in the driver’s seat, and she remembered the way he told her she was safe after pulling her from the attacker only hours prior. Safe wasn’t something she had felt often in her life, but she certainly felt it when she was with him. She smiled to herself in the dark, satisfied to know that at least for that day, despite everything that happened, their relationship and their partnership were two things she could still consider safe.

[winter-fox-queen]

I only have my self to blame...

Frankie Morales x you fic 

Tags:  A lot of cursing.  So much cursing.  Drug use.  Angst.  

Summary:  I kept thinking about the coke rap they mention in the story.  And I thought, what if Frankie was innocent?  So most of this is about that, with a tense change so that when the reader enters the picture, it’s “you” -- no y/n.

I have never written a fic before.  I am no nervous AT ALL.  But I wanted to give something back, even though it’s not really romantic.  I logged into my laptop so I could use cuts.  XD  I am ashamed at how long it took me to remember my password.

2,083 words.

It was, really, a bullshit coke rap, but it was still Frankie’s fault.  He was flying one of the boss’s nicer planes, a pretty little Cessna Caravan, fitted out for luxury in the back, a curtain separating the pilot from the main cabin.  The curtain was partly folded back, so the rich folks in the cabin behind him with their booze, lounging in their leather seats don’t have to stare at the back of Frankie’s tousled, ball cap covered head.  

It also meant that he could hear what they were saying, the headset over one ear was quiet, but he’d already decided they were a bag of dicks and he wasn’t going to pay attention to them, as they laughed like a bunch of frat boys behind him.  There was a mirror, angled so he could see what was going on, and once in awhile he’d look.  There were five men and one woman, the men acting like a bunch of frat boys, the woman trying to pretend she was amused.

Frankie knew, of course, that the trouble was men like that made that secret chip on his shoulder come out. The one he tried to ignore.  Because I’m better than that, right?  They ain’t got nothing that I want.  But they did.  They didn’t have to worry about money…they didn’t have a new baby to worry about, they didn’t have to play the game of if-I-pay-this-bill-I-can-pretend-I-didn’t-get-that-one.  He was tired, worried about his lady, scared that he was going to fucking fail her, fail their little girl, Luna.  

He let out a long, pent up sigh.  He itched to put on some music, was considering it when the shuffle of curtain fabric told him he was no longer alone.

The sole woman from the back gave him a shy smile.  “Do you mind? They’re acting like idiots back there.” She had a stylish, blunt cut, a white button shirt and a short, black skirt.  Everything was fitted perfectly so the clothes molded against her.  It looked polished rather than cheap.  He smiled politely  and shrugged as she arranged herself gracefully into the copilot chair.

“So, you said your name was Frankie?”  She reached out with a foot and nudged his chair.  She’d shed her high heels, and, despite the shortness of her skirt was gathering her legs under her.  

Lady, you might as well have a danger sign around your neck.  He nodded, feeling a little out of his depth.  

“Macey.  Pleasure to meet you.  You been a pilot long?”

He nodded.

“You don’t speak much, do you?”  She was flirty enough that even he, usually captain obvious, caught on.

He gave her a sidelong look. “I’m trying to figure out how to slip the face I have a wife and kid into the conversation.”  Wife was a stretch.  He wanted to marry you, he dreamed about it.  He wanted to give you everything – a nice ring, a pretty dress. A day to be a be special, to feel loved. Proof to all your  friends and family that he could take care of you, that he was worthy.  He was scraping up money, setting it aside.  If he didn’t go for a diamond, maybe he could get her something else nice. Maybe an opal.  Opal rings couldn’t be that expensive, right?

She laughed.  “Sorry.  I’m bored.” She held up a hand.  “Scout’s honor, I will do nothing to hurt your marriage.”

He gave her a grin.  “Well, then, tell me a story.”

“A story?”

“Yeah.  Once we touch down in…”  He looked at the time “About two hours, we won’t see each other again. So tell me a story.  Something you’ve always wanted to tell someone, but you couldn’t.”

She arched an eyebrow provocatively.

“Not like that, not a secret.  Just a story you want to tell.  Can be anything, I don’t care.”

She looked bemused for a second.  Then she starts, haltingly, as if she’s never had t actually make real conversation.  As if she’s never had anyone to listen to her.  And the thing is, she’s funny.  Clever. He finds himself laughing as he does his thing, even throwing back a couple of smart remarks of his own.  She has a gift of making him feel like he has a wicked sense of humor, and for a little bit, the cares he’s been harboring fall silent.  

So does the cabin behind him, once.  He has a mirror, set low, so he can see behind him.  The ringleader of the group is glaring at him, not looking too happy.

Well, fuck him. What can he do?  

A lot, apparently.

They land, and Macey gets up to go out the back.  “Thanks, Frankie.  Good luck with everything.”

“You, too, thanks for passing the time with me,” he says, and sets about the tasks.  He checks gauges, writes things down, and finally, goes back and checks over the cabin.  He gets out a basin from a cabinet and puts the used rocks glasses in it.  He won’t wash them – he’ll just dump the basin on the sideboard inside the hanger.  He doesn’t have to do the cleaning, but Allie, the janitor who usually cleaned up the planes, had hurt her back and everything, like picking up candy bar wrappers and throwing them away, checking the seats to see if anything had been left behind was an extra chore she did not need.

The plastic baggy was almost invisible against the beige leather of the seats.  He picked it up, made a shocked little huff, like he’d put his hand on a snake.  Coke. A pretty good amount of it, too. The old craving raised its head, making his hand shake a little.  He heard voices, and shoved the baggy in his pocket.  I’ll pitch it.  He had to take a leak, anyway, he’d go, flush that garbage down the toilet, and there. Done.  He wasn’t that man any more.  It was the one thing he could do for you.

He grabbed the waste basket and put it next to the door, grabbed the tub of glasses and put it under his arm.

“Frankie?  You in there?”

“Yeah, boss…coming.”  Snagging the clipboard to put on top of the glasses so he’d have a free hand if he needed it, he went down the steps and onto the tarmac.

Hector stood there, hands in his pockets, looking ore hang dog than usual.  “Yeah, boss?”

“The passengers said you were flying high, Frankie.”

That stopped him dead, like to concussion from a bomb, hitting his face and chest and taking out the air in his lungs.  “What? No, I’d never…”  

“They said that they saw you – just before take off.  And you know, I don’t want to believe it, but looking at your eyes…they do look awful red.”

“I’ve been up late with Luna.  She’s not been sleeping that great, and I can’t leave it all on…”

Hector nodded, as if he believed him, but Frankie had a feeling he didn’t.  He’d give real money to know exactly what the fuck had been said. “Turn out your pockets, Frankie.”

You jackass.    He attacked himself.  Did you really think they just accidentally left that much coke behind? You fucking jackass.  “I found some shit they left behind, but you gotta believe me, Hector, I am clean.  I’ve been clean for a couple years now.”

“Just show me your pockets, son, then we can just leave this behind.”

He took the coke out. “I told you, I found it on the plane.”

Hector shook his head, and started to walk away.  

“Look, I’ll take a test.” He jogged a little, caught the other man’s arm.  “Seriously. You can watch to make sure I’m not cheating.  You’ll see. I’m clean.  I’ll take a drug test right now.”

“You just happened to find a baggy of coke?  That the passengers happened to leave behind?  And why would they accuse you, if it’s not true?”

Frankie dropped his hand. I guess you wouldn’t believe me if I said some asshole thought I was flirting with his girl and thought he’d get back at me…hell, I’m not sure I believe it.

“I’ll be reporting you. They’ll suspend you.  Maybe they will go easy on you, you being a Vet and this being your first offense…but you need to clean out your locker.  I’ll write a check for what we owe you.”

“I…I need this job.” He could hear an edge of pleading in his voice, and he hated it, but he’d go down on his fucking knees and beg if he had to.

Hector’s eyes hardened. “And I don’t need to send a druggie up in one of my planes.”

**

Frankie took the back roads home.  There was an old farm gate, a place where he could pull off the road and stare, blindly, at overgrown fields.  

“What am I gonna do?” He whispered, over and over, like a mantra.  “What am I gonna fucking do?”  His hands clutched the steering wheel, knuckles white.  He could barely breathe, and when the words wouldn’t come he just sat there, panting, beating his head against the steering when and wondering how he’d survive this.

When his breathing steadied, he got back on the road, and went home.  It was the only thing he could do.

You knew something was wrong, he could see it, but he wasn’t being exactly subtle, pressing his spine against the doorframe like he was ready to run.

“Hey baby,” you say, and he smiles a little.  Tries, anyway.

“Where’s Luna?”  He’s surprised how hoarse his voice is.  He shouldn’t be.  He’d been in some bad situations, but he’d never felt this a drift, this terrified.

“Laying down.”  You say it sweetly, like everything is OK.  You’re cooking bread in the over, something’s in the crock pot and everything smells like home and like everything left to lose.

You lean against the sink. If you reached out, you could almost touch him, but you don’t.  There’s a look in your eyes, like Frankie is a wild animal, easily spooked and so you’re going to move slow and careful.

“I lost my job.”  He says it so quietly he’s not sure you heard, until your shoulders drop a little.  

“Oh, honey, what happened?” No recrimination.  Not yet.  You take a step closer to him.

So he tells you.  He doesn’t lie, just lays it all out there.  Not looking at you, not daring to, instead staring at the refrigerator door and all the magnets and photos and clutter.  But seeing them, either.

“He didn’t believe you?” You practically shriek it out.  “What the fuck…you’ve been an awesome employee for what?  A year and a half now  and he wouldn’t even let you take a damned test to let you prove yourself? Seriously?  I’m going to kick his ass…”

The baby monitor interrupts her, Luna making fitful little noises.  After all, the house was not that big.  You hold a finger up to Frankie.  “Hold that thought.”  You leave the kitchen, shaking your head, and Frankie stands there, feeling like he’s on the edge of the precipice.  

“Ah, Luna, baby, what’s wrong?”  He can hear you, a much gentler, sweeter voice echoing out of the monitor.  He stands over it, hands clutching the counter on either side of it, listening.  You are both everything to him.  Everything.

He listens to you say nonsense as you change the little baby, to you muttering about how such a tiny, adorable thing can smell so bad.  “You must get it from your daddy,”  you say a little louder, as if you know Frankie is there, listening, and he grins a little.

He doesn’t move, when you come back out into the kitchen, when you wrap your arms around him.  You hug him tight and he starts to feel a little less adrift.  

He turns, looks down into your eyes.  “You believe me?”  Puts his arms around you carefully, like he’s still not sure of his reception, because he still doesn’t feel like he deserves this, the right to touch you.  

You reach up and cradle his cheek.  “Always, mi vida.  Always.” And he starts shaking, and he starts crying and he buries his face in your neck so you can’t see, and you toss aside the ball cap so you can stroke his hair.  “It’s going to be alright, honey.  We’ll figure it out.  Its going to be alright.”

[whumpitywhumpwhump]

Here’s Mafia Week, Day 2! Prompt: “Take care of it.”

Simon was stretched out on the couch, long legs taking over all of the cushions. The TV was playing some zany sitcom that he couldn’t be bothered to give a shit about, and instead he was reading an article on his phone about the DA.

Well, he was actually scrolling to see the photos from the press conference because Beck was in a few of them, and he always looked so sexy in that navy suit of his, broad shoulders accentuated by his collar, matching tie cutting a crisp line down his front. Simon admired the way his boyfriend’s muscles were extremely visible through his sleeve and through the legs of his pants, and speaking of his pants, there’s a picture that caught him in profile and his rear looked—

“Simon.”

Pat strode into the living room, voice booming through the space. Simon clicked his phone shut and looked up. He hadn’t realized his uncle was over at the house—he must be staying for dinner tonight.

“Hey, Uncle Pat.”

“Move your legs.”

Simon swung his legs down off the couch, and his uncle dropped down heavily beside him. With the older man sitting so close, Simon could feel the muscles tightening between his shoulder blades. More likely than not, Uncle Pat was still upset with him for his stunt at the roulette the other night.

“You picked a good day to swing by. Ma’s making tortellini, with Nona’s special recipe and everything. Said she just felt like cooking.”

Trying to make small talk with Uncle Pat worked sometimes—the old man did like to talk. However, this was not one of those times.

“I’m not staying for dinner. I need you to do something for me.”

Simon let his blink drag a few extra seconds, gathering himself. His uncle would never assign him anything too dangerous—Ma would kill him if anything happened to Simon, and besides, he was supposed to run the family business when Uncle Pat croaked anyway.

“You remember the Johnson sting we talked about last week?”

He did. Emile Johnson owed them money—he was one of their money launderers, since he owned a cash-only business and was a bit of a pushover. Since he always payed them in change, and no one wanted the job of counting out $1500 in dimes, it was months before anyone noticed that there was money missing. Not only was Johnson a pushover, he was an idiot too. No one with common sense would intentionally cross Uncle Pat.

So they’d whacked him. If Simon remembered correctly, last night some of the guys were supposed to go over there and deal with him.

He nodded, loose strands of black hair falling across his cheek.

With a disapproving look, his uncle said, “You really need to cut your damn hair, Simon.” He shook his head, then continued, “Anyway, Johnson. As it turns out, the fool wrote down every transaction with us, with our names attached. Leroy made sure to grab it from the store, but I have him slated for another hit this afternoon, so he dropped it off. I need you to get rid of it.”

“Alright.”

That wasn’t bad at all. Simon disposed of evidence all the time for Uncle Pat, so he knew the drill. Go get the stuff, put it in a lock box, put the l9ck box in a slightly bigger lock box, fill it with wet cement, close it and toss it into the river. No one would think to dredge it up from down there.

“I can take care of it tomorrow, where’s it at?”

“No. You take care of it today. I need that thing gone. It’s in the air vent in the basement over at the Mayor’s office, since Beck was still at the office when Leroy drove past. Go get it, and take care of it, Simon.”

His uncle’s tone left no room for question, so Simon called out to his mother that he might not be back for dinner (which sucked ass, since he really wanted some tortellini), and rushed out the door.

As he walked down the street, he unlocked his phone and opened his text messages. He scrolled down to the conversation listed as, “NORTH RIVER PHONE COMPANY”, the one where there should be monthly messages about his phone bill. When he clicked on it, however, a window popped up, asking him for a password (thank you, modern privacy technology), and behind that screen, he accessed his text conversation with Beck.

They hadn’t texted in a few days. After their moment in the alley, they had parted ways, and Simon could sense that Beck was still at least a little upset with him for stepping in. As if he was going to watch his uncle kill his boyfriend for something that wasn’t even his fault. He gave Beck his space, letting him take some time to breathe and think things out for himself. That always helped him; he hated when Simon hovered too closely over him.

It had been enough time, though, so he shot off a text.

Hey, babe. Doing an evidence pickup @ your office—wanna grab dinner after? We can pick up from that new food truck?

He locked his phone screen again, and kept walking.

 Simon never once walked slowly in his life, and he didn’t exactly live far from the Mayor’s office, so he was already at the front door of the building when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Hey. I’m working on papers in my office rn. I brought the stuff up here earlier, so just come up.

He caught the elevator up to the third floor, and traipsed down to Beck’s office. His boyfriend was hunched over his desk, red pen in hand, papers strewn about. He looked stressed.

“Everything alright?”

Beck jumped. “Shit, Simon, I didn’t hear you come in.” He paused, running a hand through his blonde curls and sighing. “I’m fine, just trying to take care of something for the boss.”

His eyes made it clear to which boss he was referring—Uncle Pat must have sent him something over earlier.

Simon slung his body across the empty chair in Beck’s office, swinging one leg over the arm of the chair. His foot swung up and down, bouncing to beat only he could hear. He’d willingly sit here all night, just staring at Beck’s soft features. Pale lips, round face, deep green eyes—he even had a cute scar on the side of his jaw, which Simon had yet to learn the cause of.

Beck must have had other plans, though, because he swept all his pages together, paper-clipped them, slid them into the false bottom of his desk drawer, and stood up.

“Let’s just get out of here. Here’s that case you needed.” He pulled a battered brown briefcase out from behind his desk and passed it to Simon.

“Do you have—”

“Supplies? Yeah, in my car. Let’s go.”

Beck led him out and down to the car. The two drove down to the docks, chatting easily. Then they pulled up in front of the food truck, and Beck turned the car off.

“Let’s eat.”

“Ok, but I’m taking this with me. I’m not just gonna leave it sitting out in the car.” Simon grabbed the briefcase and took it along as they waited in line. They enjoyed the warm breeze and the fading sunlight.

The man working held out their trays of hot dogs and fries drenched in ketchup—Beck couldn’t hold both at the same time, they were so big and unwieldy. Simon set the case down, to help Beck hold them, and then the two walked back to the car. They slid in and devoured their dinner. It was every bit as greasy and delicious as they had hoped. Simon groaned, pleased.

Beck put the key back in the ignition, then paused.

“Wait, babe. You didn’t deal with the case yet.”

Simon’s stomach did a backflip, then a twist. “Shit, shit, shit.” He jumped out of the car and jogged back over toward the now-closed food truck, but his briefcase was gone.

“No, fuck, where—”

“Simon?”

“Beck, it’s gone, dammit, Uncle Pat’s gonna kill me if someone gets their hands on it. Fuck.”

“Just—uh, just lie. Tell him you did drop it in the river, but someone must have seen you or something.”

“He’s not stupid, Beck.”

“I know, I just—”

“No, I just won’t let him find out. When it surfaces, and it will, I’ll go find it and get rid of it. That’s all.”

Simon skin crawled with the uncertainty of it all, but he pushed it down and walked back to Beck’s car.

“Just take me home babe.”

[dgchg]

he felt obliged to try. Reservations advised

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[hello-stensy-blog]

Crushable, Chapter I : It’s all good.

He took off in the morning, feeling great about himself. He knew that nothing bad could happen to him anymore. He had confidenceーenough to shake the world and rule as its new king.

Stensland was all smiles as he raised his thumb in the air. He was soaked with rain, but it didn’t matter. His backpack was light, and so was his heart. Billy Ocean was playing in his headphones while he attempted to summon a ride.

At least, that’s how things were in the beginning. Now, he had been waiting for a good samaritan to pull up next to him for two hours. He tried really hard to remain positive: That’s okay. Someone is gonna stop, eventually. I just have to be patient. I just have to believe.

He wasn’t always all sunshine and butterflies. He used to think of himself as a failure, a sad loser, a lonely soul. He was deeply scarred by disastrous relationships from the past. Like old gum, women would chew him up and spit him out. Then, he encountered the Grady Method for Self Love. He started to follow it by the book. First, he began growing a mustache, which was a really bad idea. Fortunately, he realized this soon enough and shaved it, moving on to Grady’s next lessons. He knew them all nearly by heart, and most of the time he believed in them. Everyday, facing the mirror, he would give himself those good-old motivational speeches before confronting the world. After a few months of training to love himself again, he decided to take on the challenge of the book’s last chapter:

Test your newly acquired confidence! Go see the world! Hitchhike! Meet people! Seduce! Amaze!

Of course, that looked easier on paper. Stensland’s phone’s battery was now empty so he couldn’t listen to Billy Ocean anymore and the rain had become a downpour. He gave up. He walked a long way to reach the nearest motel. Exhausted, depressed and dripping, he was having second thoughts about this whole "inspiring trip". So far, the only thing it inspired in him was a really bad novel plot about a heartbroken guy dumped by his girlfriend on his birthday. It was not mind blowing, but it could have been enough to make him want to blow his head off because it was exactly what happened to him only a few months ago.

He paid for a room and ran straight to it. As soon as he was inside, he burst into tears. He didn’t know why he was feeling like this right now. He had spent the last few months in a positive mindset, why was he giving up so suddenly?

He made up his mind: tomorrow, when the sun goes up, I will go home and forget everything that has happened. Maybe I’ll restart Grady’s Method from the beginning, but right now I have to stop weeping, take a shower, change clothes and get some sleep. Maybe I’ll smoke. Or drink. I saw the motel has a bar. What the heck, I’ll do both.

Get naked, shower, masturbate, move on.

***********************************************

It was not a busy night for Clyde Logan. Not at all. There were rarely any busy nights out here. One or two drunkards to serve per night max. That’s why he never said no to extra work.

The job was simple, that’s what the boss said: A ginger guy is gonna show up. When he’s here, you hand him the bag, and that’s it. How will I know it’s him? Clyde had asked. The boss paused for a moment, then asked him: Do you see very many people out there? No, Clyde answered. How about gingers, Clyde? Do you see a lot of gingers in that shithole? No. Then you will know it’s him when he gets there.

So Clyde was staring at the void, waiting for the ginger guy to show up. Eventually, the door opened to one. Clyde stared at him as if he were an alien. Well, that’s not what I expected. What he expected was a picture straight out of a mafia movie. I dunno, a tough guy in a suit at least.

The man was thin, wearing a long sleeved shirt with stripes of the most random colors on it paired with shapeless jeans. He looked pretty cute in his own weird way. He asked for a drink. Clyde had a hard time focusing. The ginger’s expression changed as he looked uneasy from Clyde’s silent staring. After a while, Clyde answered:

-Sure.

Clyde had never done these kinds of transactions before. He had no idea how to proceed. What do I do? Do I just give him the bag like that? Do I have to say something? There was only one other customer at a table far from the counter, drinking alone, and Clyde doubted he was even among them considering how wasted he was. He won’t be a problem.

- Did you come for… something special?

That was pretty clumsy. The ginger looked even more puzzled.

- Huuum… well… you mean, besides the drink?

Clyde nodded.

- Well, you could say that, the ginger answered with a slight laugh.

- Are you looking for someone, too?

The ginger’s eyes lit up and he blushed. Clyde did not notice the blush and thought the light in his eyes was a signal indicating that he was the one.

- I was waiting for you.

Clyde served his drink, then disappeared to the back of the bar.

***********************************************

Stensland’s heart was racing. Wow. I did not expect the barman to hit on me. It was the first time someone had ever done so. Plus, it was a guy. Though, that wasn’t important: feeling wanted is always pleasant, he thought, especially after all he’s been through. He had to admit that he liked the heated feeling in his chest. Moreover, he felt pretty lucky to be to the liking of such a handsome guy. I mean, with complete neutrality, he is tall, mysterious and handsome. A dream guy.

I was waiting for you. These words were running through Stensland’s head, repeatedly. They sound like lines from a cheesy movie.

Why did he leave so quickly? I didn't even get a chance to answer. Anyways, how could I answer? We just met. Literally! We barely even had a conversation and I fall for that! What am I? A Disney princess?

Prince Charming came back with a bag. He put the bag on the chair next to Stensland’s.

Stensland looked at the bag, then the barman. He gave no explanation and did not resume talking to him. Instead, he began cleaning glasses. Stensland started to understand there had been a huge misunderstanding. With hesitant hands, he opened up the bag and almost had a heart attack at what he saw.

This… this is… money… a lot of…

Stensland’s mouth was now forming a silent and shocked “Oh!”. So, that’s it? The barman mistook him for someone else? For a moment, Stensland considered telling the barman that he was not supposed to receive any bag full of cash, but…

Well, he was feeling pretty embarrassed. After all, he had begun celebrating their wedding in his head only a few seconds before, and now he knew that this was all just a stupid mix-up. Plus, this was… a LOT of money. This was exciting. There was no way Stensland could say no to such a thrilling new adventure. He drank his full glass at once, then sighed with a slight smile and said:

-Well! Thank you for the drink, and… my bag! Here you go! (He put three 20 dollars bills on the counter, as he was now feeling immensely rich.) Keep the change! Buh-bye!

He left the bar in a rush. Clyde was not even surprised.

***********************************************

Clyde was getting ready to close the bar. He was cleaning up the counter when the door opened. Without a glance for the newcomer, he said:

"We’re closed.”

- I did not come for a drink.

-Okay. But we’re closed.

-Listen to me, Genius. I have had a terrible day, so yes, I am late, who cares? The bag now, please.

Clyde frowned and looked up. What now? He swore this man was the very same ginger he had served a few hours ago, except now he wore a mafia-worty suit with his hair combed back and the face of Grumpy cat.

-Dude, I already gave you the bag.

-I beg your pardon?

-You were there, you took a pint, I gave you the bag, you left.

- I did NOT! Are you telling me you gave the bag to someone else?

-Yeah.

The man was infuriated. He started to cuss.

-Well, he looked exactly like you, Clyde said in his defense, 'have a twin or somethin’ ?

-What do you mean? Are you implying he was a ginger, too?

Clyde nodded. He stared at the man, who was now typing on his phone.

-So, its your twin?

-Shut-up! I don't have a twin! Not all gingers look the same! Did he give you any name?

- Nope. (Clyde went to the door and asked the receptionist who was smoking outside, probably listening to their whole conversation.) Earl! What was that ginger guy's name ?

- Err.. Cleveland...Priceland... No, Stensland! It was Stensland!

The other ginger made a very angry phone call. Earl looked sorry for Clyde, and Clyde was still stunned by the gingers' likeness. It's so trippy. After a quick check, they found out Stensland had left his room already, with shampoo and shower gel samples, a towel and the bag full of money. That was predictable.

It was now five in the morning and the issue had yet to be settled. The second ginger was still pissed after getting off the phone with his boss. He told him in a dry tone:

-Since you are the one who made this mess, clean it up now! What did his car look like?

-He didn’t have a car, actually, Earl said.

-What do you mean? He came and left by foot in the middle of the night?

-Yup.

-That’s utterly ridiculous, The ginger snapped, Well at least it won’t be a problem catching him, even with your obvious lack of intelligence.

Clyde was offended. He still asked:

-So, I’m supposed to chase him down?

-Absolutely. And I would suggest that you get to it NOW. Actually, I am coming with you.

-Can I finish cleaning up the bar, or…

The cross look the ginger gave him was an implied No. Clyde threw the bar keys at Earl.

- Finish my work and drink something. It’s on me.

His coworker’s face shined like a kid’s on Christmas morning as Clyde left with the bossy ginger.

***********************************************

Stensland was a blissful idiot. He successfully ran away with a bag full of money, and he even caught a ride on his way. God bless America!

The guy who offered him a ride was pretty kind, too. They had a nice chat on the road. Stensland was now feeling so good he couldn’t believe that he had been crying a few hours ago.

How will I spend all this money? Amazon. I’m going to buy the weirdest things! I can afford to throw my money now. I could stop working, find a palace, be the king of the hill! I would have the sweetest babes around me, everything would be all good!

It was hysterical. All because of that barman. I’ll send him a Thank You note once I’m all settled. I’ll write it in my pool, or in my jacuzzi.

The sun was now up. Stensland’s new road companion wanted to take a break, as he had driven the whole night.

-Alright! Stensland said, I’m going to go to the bathroom, and then buy a snack. You want something?

-I’m okay! I’m just gonna take a nap.

-Alrighty then!

Stensland left the car and went to the bathroom of the rest area they stopped at.

All this calls for celebration! Stensland thought with a bright smile on his face. And celebrate, he did: he smoked what remained of his stock. He didn’t mind. I’m so rich now I could smoke twice as much everyday! What a life it will be.

As he was daydreaming about this future life, he was startled by a hand reaching inside his cabin.

-Oh shit! It’s occupied! he screamed desperately.

But the hand had already grabbed his bag. The hand’s owner was now running with the bag. The bag full of money.

Stensland screamed some more:

-No! Wait! It’s my bag! Don’t take my bag! Wait! Please!

He left in a hurry, leaving his bong behind. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t A BAG FULL OF MONEY. Stensland was running like he never did before. Where is this brat? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe this is happening.

He saw a car leaving. He ran after it.

His dream life was fading. His not-future wife was waving goodbye.

He ran across the parking area in an attempt to follow the car. The guy in the passenger seat gave him the finger. Stensland stopped. They were too far from him, they were too fast. He was out of breath and desperate again. Another car passed by, then stopped in the middle of the road. What now?

*********************************************** Clyde was sick of the ginger complaining to him. He was sick of his contempt, of his bad manners, he was sick of the road and he was sick of this whole stupid chase. And then, he saw him. He stopped the car so suddenly his passenger hit his head with the most satisfactory “bang”.

-What the HELL?

-It’s him. It’s Stensland.

Clyde was leaving the car now. Stensland looked beat, but quickly his face showed absolute horror and he began running the opposite direction. He had recognized him. Clyde chased him down and quickly grounded him. The bossy Stensland clone followed.

-Please, please! I don’t have it! I don’t have it!

-What do you MEAN you don’t have it? The bossy clone barked.

-They stole from me!

-Who is they?

-The guys… the car… I…

-God! Take him with us.

-I told you he looked like you. Look, Clyde said while he was holding a struggling Stensland with some difficulty as he could only count on his valid arm.

-We don’t have TIME for this now, Logan! Where did the car go?

-This...this way!

Following the second ginger’s orders, Clyde threw Stensland in the car’s trunk. Before closing it, he said:

-Nothing personal, dude.

[lilyy-james]

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Neither. It’s highly unlikely in both their cases, though could happen ofc. #bcdrugs Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither. I feel like if either said they were going to leave, they would just leave. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? ^ Who trashes the house? Jude when he’s high probs. Do either of them get physical? During sexytimes (ง ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ง How often do they argue/disagree? Not often enough. #fightingishealthyguys Who is the first to apologise? They’re probably both quick to. Or probably Vic because Jude spends a ridiculous amount of time trying to word his apologies right lol.

Sex:

Who is on top? Whoever feels like it that day. (They probably switch a few times lbh). Who is on the bottom? ^  Who has the strangest desires? Jude, solely due to all the weird porn he’s seen. Any kinks? So far  Who’s dominant in bed? Mostly Jude, but he loves it when Vic takes over. Is head ever in the equation? Always. (I mean, their alternate tag is #otp: sit on my face, so you do the math.) If so, who is better at performing it? They’re equally bomb at it. Ever had sex in public? Not yet, but you bet. Who moans the most? Vic. Who leaves the most marks? 50/50, but Vic when Jude can’t leave any on her bc #shoots. Who screams the loudest? Vic. Who is the more experienced of the two? They’re pretty evenly matched and seasoned hoes. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Both, sometimes at once. Rough or soft? Depends on the day and mood. How long do they usually last? Longer than most couples. Is protection used? Nah. (If we’re talking rubbers). Does it ever get boring? Nope. Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? So far? A balcony with a view to the eiffel tower comes to mind.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? They’re not actively planning, but definitely don’t mind. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? They’ll probably let fate decide, lol. Or cap it at two or three, most likely. Who is the favorite parent? They’d be the favorite at different things. Who is the authoritative parent? Neither, they’d probably be shit with playing authority roles. Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Both. Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Jude. Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Both or they take turns. Who goes to parent teacher interviews? Jude probs, Vic might get sassy. Who changes the diapers? Vic but occasionally Jude. Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? They’d take turns. Who spends the most time with the children? Probably Vic, if Jude is on tour a lot. Who packs their lunch boxes? Jude. With smiley faces and heart post-it notes. Who gives their children ‘the talk’? They’d do it together, in the most intentionally embarrassing way possible.  Who cleans up after the kids? The nanny? Lol. Who worries the most? Vic maybe. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Jude.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? Both. #cuddlemonsters Who is the little spoon? Vic, but Jude loves it sometimes too. Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Both. Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  Both.  How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? If by uncomfortable you mean wanting it to turn into sexytime, then either/or. If uncomfortable as in they want it to stop, then never. Who gives the most kisses? Vic’s tally is probably higher. Only because she wakes up first and leaves him a dozen little face kisses every time.  What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Just melting into each other on the couch, watching cooking shows. Where is their favourite place to cuddle? The couch. (The couch). Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? Both. Jude is a notorious butt grabber, though. How often do they get time to themselves? Pretty often.

Sleeping:

Who snores? Neither. If both do, who snores the loudest?  Do they share a bed or sleep separately? Share a bed. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Cozy up 99% of the time. (Exceptions are passing out drunk, total exhaustion, or too hot.) Who talks in their sleep? Vic probs. What do they wear to bed? Vic in some kinda nightgown or Jude’s t-shirt, Jude in a fresh pair of boxers. Or quite often, nothing. Are either of your muses insomniacs? Jude used to be, but he’s getting better at it. Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nah. Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Tangled like pretzels. Who wakes up with bed hair? Both. Jude most definitely. Who wakes up first? Vic 90% of the time. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Jude whenever he can. What is their favourite sleeping position? Vic lying with her head on Jude’s chest. Who hogs the sheets? They’re pretty decent about it. Do they set an alarm each night? Yeah, for work. Can a television be found in their bedroom? Nope. Who has nightmares? Vic sometimes. Who has ridiculous dreams? Jude. Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Both. Who makes the bed? Neither? What time is bed time? Depends and whenever really. Any routines/rituals before bed? Is sex a ritual? Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Jude, fo sho.

Work:

Who is the busiest? They alternate busy seasons. Who rakes in the highest income? Vic as of right now. Are any of your muses unemployed? As of right now, nope.  Who takes the most sick days? They don’t really. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Who sucks up to their boss? Neither probably. What are their jobs? Vic is a photographer, and models on the side. Jude is a musician, and currently working on a film set too. Who stresses the most? Vic. Jude gets high, lol. Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? They love them. Are your muses financially stable? Pretty much.

Home:

Who does the washing? Vic. Who takes out the trash? Jude. Who does the ironing? Either if need be. Who does the cooking? Jude. Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Vic. Who is messier? Jude, Vic is a close second. Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Neither I feel like. Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Jude. Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither. Who is the prankster around the house? Jude, if he has a good idea. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Jude. Who mows the lawn? They don’t have one. Who answers the telephone? ^ Who does the vacuuming? Sarah, lol. Who does the groceries? They do it together. Who takes the longest to shower? They probably both take forever. And if together, then an eternity. Who spends the most time in the bathroom? They’re pretty equally matched.

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? Nah. How many cars do they own? One. Do they own their home or do they rent? Rent. Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? Right now, neither. Though Jude wouldn’t mind living near the coast. Do they live in the city or in the country? In the city. Do they enjoy their surroundings? Yeah, fairly. They live close to NYC, so. What’s their song? You mean pick just one? ( Can’t Help Falling In Love is a special one, though.) What do they do when they’re away from each other? Pine for each other, lol. Send a lot of ridiculous selfies and snaps. Where did they first meet? In Paris. How did they first meet? In Paris at a party, bored out of their minds.  Who spends the most money when out shopping? Vic probs. Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Vic. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Both. Any mental issues? They’re both pretty stable, Vic is suffering some PTSD-like symptoms currently, and Jude tends to get a little depressive, but does not have depression. Who’s terrified of bugs? Both. Who kills the spiders around the house? Jude, reluctantly. Their favourite place? Anywhere they’re together. (gross) Who pays the bills? Vic probably, it’s her apartment. Do they have any fears for their future? Plenty. (They fear no longer being together, for starters). Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Jude, if he’s cooking it. Otherwise, either/or. Who uses up all of the hot water? They both might. Who’s the tallest? The six foot two blonde ofc. Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Both. Who wanders around in their underwear? Both. Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Jude. What do they tease each other about? Any and everything. Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Vic at Jude’s. Do they have mutual friends? Yep. They live in a small town. Who crushed first? It was mutual ‘I wanna fuck the shit out of you’ at first sight. Any alcohol or substance related problems? Jude has a substance abuse problem. Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Jude. Who swears the most? They’re pretty equal.

[Lifted from here.]

[drtanstravels]

2020 is the year that a lot of my friends will turn 40 and the first on the list was Shane Worthington, the one I’ve known the longest. We’ve been close friends since we were five years old, were in pretty much every class through primary and high school together, and were best man at each other’s weddings. We spent all of our childhood and teen years hanging out together and, although we hardly get to see each other for years at a time due to me now living in Singapore and him in Canberra, ACT, when we do it’s like we only spoke yesterday. That’s why when he told me at the beginning of 2019 that he was planning a cruise to New Caledonia for his 40th birthday, I knew we had to go. Anna instantly loved the idea, but not everyone else invited was able to make it so in the end it was ultimately going to be an eight-day cruise aboard a ship carrying almost 2,000 passengers, 800 crew and staff, and Shane’s group that would consist of himself, his wife, Danii, their 18-month-old daughter, Evie, an older couple that he used to work with, Sam and Kerri, and Anna and myself. We were scheduled to board the cruise ship at 1:00pm in Sydney, Australia on January 8 and depart for New Caledonia, spending almost three days at sea, before reaching the islands of Noumé, Maré, and Lifou, spending a day on each before making the trek back to Sydney and arriving on January 16, Shane’s birthday. Let’s see how this worked out.

Monday, January 6, 2020 Anna had booked our flights months prior and the holiday period is the worst time of year to travel to Australia, because it’s so expensive! To put the prices in perspective, we’ve booked return flights to Los Angeles next month and Cape Town, South Africa in June and neither of those flights were as much as return 7.5-hour flight from Singapore to Sydney in the summer. Our tickets were over S$2,000 (US$1,486) each and depart after midnight so Anna later decided that, because we had paid so much for the seats, we may as well pay extra and upgrade to Business Class so we could at least sleep easier on the flight and feel remotely fresh when we arrived.

I woke up on Monday morning to a message from Shane, asking what our plans were:

That’s right, we had messed up the flight details. Anna was meticulous when first booking the flights, but she thinks she may have rushed it a little when she upgraded our seats, resulting in us being scheduled to arrive a day early. There was no way Anna could get the day off work, I could’ve gone that night, but she also gets nervous when I fly alone due to my track record for having seizures on overnight flights so she rescheduled the tickets for the same time the following night… for the small fee of S$3,600 (US$2,675). So, now we were over eight grand down and hadn’t even set foot on the ship.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020 We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare, but we were a little nervous for obvious reasons, the main one being that if there were delays of any kind we would more than likely miss the cruise. There was also the possibility that getting into Sydney could be difficult due to the bushfires ravaging nearby areas, but fortunately everything went smoothly and we touched down in Sydney at about 11:30am local time, actually a little ahead of schedule. Once through immigration we collected our luggage, took a shuttle to the port in Balmain, went through the entire immigration and customs process again like you would at an airport, and soon we were aboard the Pacific Explorer, later departing Sydney at 4:00pm. Once inside there were a few things that immediately struck us:

You don’t realise how big these ships are until you are onboard. It was so easy to get lost on this one.

Anything that wasn’t in the cruise package you had initially purchased was extremely expensive — AU$25.00 (US$17.20) to wear what in a hotel would be a complimentary robe and AU$15.00 (US$10.30) to use an umbrella is just unreasonable.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not so much retirees that make up the majority of passengers on cruise ships. Maybe it was because it was school holidays, but there were a lot of families on this one. There were also a ton of people who must’ve just heard the words “complimentary buffet” as well, because some of the passengers were enormous!

We took our luggage to our rooms, had a look around the ship, and then went to the already crowded buffet for our first meal of the day. What I expected from the buffet was the crappy quality bain-marie stuff you get in public school canteens, but that wasn’t the case on this ship. There were separate stalls serving different dishes from around the globe, as well as salad bars, dessert cabinets, everything. We just went to the first stall we saw, which was the Mexican one, and the food was really good, but it wasn’t the most popular option there, that’s for sure. We would only eat at the buffet a few times on this trip, but what was truly mind-boggling was the sheer amount of french fries people would eat over the course of the cruise. The fish ‘n’ chips stall perpetually had a queue of at least 10 people, closely followed by the one selling hamburgers and chips, some people just getting basket after basket of fries from both stalls. It would be safe to say that the fish ‘n’chip stall fed around 10% of the passengers at any given meal, leading me to wonder how many tons of frozen chips must be stored in the galley of the Pacific Explorer to last an eight-day cruise with 2,000 passengers who have access to unlimited fries? I will get to the bottom of this matter one day, mark my words.

The rest of the day was spent quietly trying out the different bars and catching up with Shane and Danii for the first time in five years, as well as meeting Sam, Kerri, and baby Evie for the first time, with dinner at an Asian restaurant called Dragon Lady thrown into the mix and finishing up at The Blue Room. The good thing with the bulk of the onboard restaurants is that they are also complimentary unless you order one of the specials. This is what Wednesday looked like:

A little smokey approaching Sydney

Anna at the port

This cabin would be our home for the next eight days

Looking out towards our balcony

A portrait of Rear Admiral Bill Murray near the elevators

Looking down from our floor to other areas of the ship

And we’re off

Under the bridge

Passing the city

Goodbye Sydney

A small portion of the deck

Anna in front of the outdoor cinema screen

Me hanging out with a coffee

Panoramic view of a different area of the deck

The view over the stern

A portion of the deck at night

Inside The Blue Room

Thursday, January 9, 2020 The next couple of days aboard the ship en route to New Caledonia were just spent relaxing, it was really only the nights where anything truly happened. Shane was up early every morning to change nappies and hit the gym, Anna and I would go down to the cafe a few floors down for coffee and then come back up to the cabin and read while relaxing to the sound of the ocean. On Thursday we had a couple of drinks after that, Anna had an afternoon massage, and soon it was time for dinner, because due to there being six of us and a baby, we had to either book a table at 5:15pm or 7:30pm. The latter was too late for an 18-month-old so we would have had to go with the former, a time when very few people under the age of 85 eat. Instead, we had burgers and wings at an outdoor bar. Shane and Danii were rather tired, Sam and Kerri decided to go see Normie Rowe play so Anna and I went to a standup comedy show, on this occasion being Hung Le. In Australia Hung Le is probably most famous for playing the Vietnamese boss in the local film Fat Pizza. I have never seen the movie, but I remembered him from watching comedy festivals on TV as a teenager and had always found him funny back then, but I figured he must be a bit washed up now if he’s doing the cruise ship circuit, just like once legendary entertainers that now play nightly in Las Vegas. I couldn’t have been more wrong, he was absolutely hilarious. The show started at 10:30 and went for 45 minutes, but Anna was fading towards the end so we went back to the cabin afterward and had what we consider an early night.

The burgers there were great!

Friday, January 10, 2020 Friday followed a similar pattern to Thursday, but the problem was that Anna had a lot of work to complete before the cruise, preparing presentations for upcoming conferences, completing and submitting journal articles in time for publication, that type of thing, but I don’t think even she realised how exhausted she was. She woke up at 10:00am for a 45-minute acupuncture session and I was still asleep when she returned so Anna got back into bed. Now, we realised when we were in the Galapagos Islands a few years back that the gentle rocking of a boat makes it a lot easier to sleep, but I’m still not sure that the motion of the ocean is solely responsible for Anna sleeping again until almost 3:00pm. Once she was awake we went to get coffee and then meet the rest of our crew in one of the bars, on most occasions it was the Explorer Hotel, for a couple of beers before an early dinner. There were quite a few bar options on the ship, but some only opened at night or were hosting events. It was always really hot and sunny on the deck with kids running around and screaming so we cancelled those options out. The foyer in the middle had a bar, but there was almost constantly a guy by the name of Kingsley playing there, whom we went on to dub “Elton Joel.” Kingsley wore a gold, glittery, plastic hat and despite being a decent piano player, couldn’t sing if his life depended on it, yet he would spend hours at the piano playing covers, roughly a quarter of each were either by Elton John or Billy Joel, hence the nickname. Upstairs was the Ocean Bar, but it was kind of small for the seven of us and you could still hear Elton Joel in there so we went to the adjacent, but separate Explorer Hotel on most occasions. After a few drinks and a chat there was a dinner reservation waiting for us at an Italian restaurant onboard called Angelo’s and once again the food was great and their pepper grinder was hilariously large, but there was a bit of a problem with the way we were spending time on the boat; most days we would meet up before dinner and have a drink or two, then have dinner at 5:15pm due to how the reservations worked. Even if we sat at the table and had more drinks before ordering, by the time it was eight or nine o’clock in the evening it felt a lot later than what it actually was and, despite still being light at times, Anna would sometimes start to get tired again. This was one of those occasions so even though she had only been awake for six or seven hours, she went back to the cabin and checked in early, only about half an hour after the sun had set.

Most nights on this ship, besides the regular shows and entertainment, there were themed parties and the theme that night was Back to School. Everyone who attended was trying to look sexy or classy in their school uniforms, but Shane and I figured we could just go in what we were wearing because our school didn’t really have a uniform. The idea of a school party had us reminiscing about stupid things that had happened when we were in high school, such as setting a bucket of glue on fire, resulting in a student getting suspended for eating a cookie from our overweight principal’s desk. Or the time a football was kicked over the chainlink fence into the junior campus of the neighbouring Catholic school, but instead of climbing the fence or asking a student to kick it back, someone just got some bolt-cutters from the shed where automotive repair classes were taught and just cut a giant hole out of the fence to retrieve the ball. Then there was the time that there was a stabbing at our school in retaliation to something that happened to my friend, Owen. It sounds worse than it was, sure, a kid did get stabbed, but it was only in the side of the leg, painful, but not fatal. There was a banner at the Back to School party along the wall that could be signed so we added our little tidbit that you will see in the next bunch of photos.

The school party wasn’t really our thing and we had other plans anyway, namely to keep drinking until karaoke started and then take over. We were the fourth people to sing and we had a decent amount of liquid courage inside of us, plus we decided to play the sympathy card with a crowd that was more than likely assuming we were homosexual due to a combination of Shane’s shirt and the fact that we had chosen the song Maneater by Hall and Oates. “I’m Tim, this is Shane,” I said as I was handed the microphone. “Shane’s wife is stuck upstairs with the baby, mine’s passed out in bed so tonight we’re going to party,” and then we tore it up. Our rendition of Maneater was a crowd favourite that night, even when we got bored during a one-minute guitar solo and decided to give a botany lesson on the many plants surrounding the stage. We kept drinking and then later Shane wanted to do another song, Rapper’s Delight by The Sugarhill Gang. The initial idea was that my role would be the hype guy, kind of like what Flavor Flav is to Chuck D in Public Enemy, however, Shane knows this song like the back of his hand, not even needing to look up at the lyrics. Besides being able to get the occasional “Yeah Boy!” in when he was out of breath later in the song and at one point calling up a bunch of eight-year-old children onto the dance-floor, my role eventually left me relegated to sitting on the on-stage ledge with my beer, surrounded by ficus plants while Shane blew away everyone in the bar with his rendition of the old school hip hop classic. I’m just glad they only had the “short” six-and-a-half-minute version, not the 15-minute take, but regardless, he blew Maneater out of the water to the point where people would come up to us for the remainder of the cruise, some referring to me as “Goose,” an incorrect reference to the sidekick of the main pilot in Top Gun (I think they meant Jester). Once karaoke was done we went back to the Blue Room to see the end of a really good band’s set before the place filled up with attendees of the Back to School party. Danii and Anna still say that because there is no video evidence, they are skeptical about our karaoke dominance, but Anna’s also seen what happens when I get a microphone after a few drinks, be it karaoke or even if a band is playing. Just because I can’t sing, it doesn’t mean I wont. Still there are these pictures and a couple of other videos of Shane in the general vicinity of the dance floor:

Kerri getting some pepper in Angelo’s

Anna’s turn

Having a beer with Shane. I hope it’s just the perspective that’s making my legs look that long!

The banner at the beginning of the Back to School Party

Our contribution

School’s out

Saturday, January 11, 2020 One thing about spending two-and-a-half days on a cruise ship is it’s not long enough to get your sea-legs so any time you’re walking around it feels like you’re drunk but without the pleasure of the booze. Saturday was going to be an interesting day, because when we woke we were docked a short way off Nouméa:

Nouméa is the capital and largest city of the French special collectivity of New Caledonia. It is situated on a peninsula in the south of New Caledonia’s main island, Grande Terre, and is home to the majority of the island’s European, Polynesian (Wallisians, Futunians, Tahitians), Indonesian, and Vietnamese populations, as well as many Melanesians, Ni-Vanuatu and Kanaks who work in one of the South Pacific’s most industrialised cities. The city lies on a protected deepwater harbour that serves as the chief port for New Caledonia.

At the September 2019 census, there were 182,341 inhabitants in the metropolitan area of Greater Nouméa, 94,285 of whom lived in the city (commune) of Nouméa proper. 67.2% of the population of New Caledonia live in Greater Nouméa, which covers the communes of Nouméa, Le Mont-Dore, Dumbéa and Païta.

We were off the ship just before 8:00am, took a small boat to the island, and immediately went across the road to a nearby supermarket to get something to drink. We then walk around some of the main areas of the town, just exploring different parts like Coconut Palm Square and walking through Chinatown and the Latin Quarter while we waited for the crowd to subside so we could take the island tour in comfort. After an hour or so we took a tourist trolley around the city, taking in sites such as some canons installed by Australians at a fort at Ouen Toro, an old prison, the craft market, and a library with a dinosaur statue out the front. The trolley tour was a round trip so once we were done we decided to walk along the coast and find somewhere for lunch. We had our minds set on a restaurant out on the water called Le Roof, but when we arrived and saw the prices, also remembering how we had paid 2,700 F (US$25.00) on a latte each earlier, we figured this island is either obscenely expensive or they must just bump the prices up substantially when the tourists arrive, because we were looking at paying at least around S$45.00 (US$30.00) each for lunch. Instead we walked back down the road along the beach, passing one of the most rancid-smelling portable toilets along the way, and we found a reasonably priced restaurant that sold a bit of everything, but was predominantly Italian food. We ordered and were then brought a basket of bread to eat with a mixture of olive oil and an unmarked bottle of brown liquid that one would assume was balsamic vinegar, but it only took Danii one bite to realise that it was a little saltier than normal and not particularly tangy. That’s because it wasn’t balsamic vinegar, but soy sauce. Still, it wasn’t that bad. After lunch we started to make our way back to the boat and arrived at around 3:00pm. Shane and Danii decided to board then so Evie could have a nap, but we still had an hour before we were departing so Anna and I decided to pick up some supplies, including seeing sanitary pads for men which I should’ve bought for future trips to Myanmar, and have a look at some nearby shops that we hadn’t had a chance to earlier. This included visiting an awesome pinball store called Flipper Addict that was clearly set up by a guy who had come into some cash and started his dream parlour as a hobby, as well as servicing and supplying other machines, not that we saw a lot around. We had also been told on our tour that Coca Cola tastes better in New Caledonia because of the quality of the water used. We were both skeptical that Coke was even bottled there and neither of us has drunk any soft drink in years, but Anna wanted to try it and find out anyway. It just tasted the same as I remembered. It definitely was nice to spend a day back on solid ground again:

It was actually kind of difficult to stand properly when we first got back on the ground

Not sure what’s happening on that island

Looking up the coast

One of many rock formations jutting out of the water

Anna just standing around

Me doing the same

It honestly looks like Shane just found a baby

What we’d spend a bit of time being driven around on

The old prison

Where we had initially planned to eat

The local racetrack

Getting a bit stormy over the islands

Approaching the fort

One of the canons

Some background information

Looking back over the beach

Anna with her “special” coke

At the craft market

Should’ve bought this hat

A dinosaur guarding the library

It’s easy to relax here

‘Men Pads’ are a real thing her

The sign for the pinball parlour

When we were back aboard, Danii and Shane had decided to spend the rest of the night quietly, just a few drinks before dinner, which they had at the bogan-buffet. Sam and Kerri weren’t feeling so, resulting in us having dinner to ourselves so we went back to Dragon Lady for what turned into a kind of amusing evening. The two of us were led by the waitress to our table, one situated next to another table with two rather large women, one about twice as old as the other, from a small town located about 600km (372 miles) inland from Brisbane. They had ordered the same set menu as we were going to and had several nights prior, but when we sat down the younger of the women was dry-retching at the thought of eating even the tiniest bit of the squid skewer in front of her, even offering it to us. The older woman spent the entire time encouraging her to eat a piece and wasn’t taking “No” for an answer so after about 15 minutes the younger woman managed to summon up the courage to close her eyes and take a bite, tears welling up as she did. Once they saw how much we loved our skewers, the two women got talking to us, the younger one explaining that eating the squid would’ve been easier if it didn’t look so much like a squid. In fact, it turned out she had never even eaten pretty much anything that she was served and was apprehensive at all of them:

Squid skewers — “I was able to eat half an octopus ball once, couldn’t do the whole thing though.”

Marinated pork ribs — “I’ve never eaten ribs, I just feed them to my dog.”

Sautéed eggplant — “I don’t even know what it is.”

Curried beef — “That was probably my favourite out of everything.”

When the older woman heard that the younger one liked the curry, she tried to “educate” her on how curry is made, incorrectly telling her that it traditionally takes about five weeks just to make the paste, however, she could just by Ayam brand curry powder and do it in a slow-cooker. Apparently her niece had tried to make it herself, but it still took about five days to make the paste because she needed to blend spices from scratch. They later told us about their small town that consisted of a pub and one small store, the two of them both working in the store. They even needed to hire and train new staff so they could both come on this cruise. My guess is the younger one will be sticking to the fish ‘n’ chips at the buffet from now on.

Our entertainment for the evening was to be sitting in a live incantation of the Australian TV dating show, Perfect Match. There was no Greg Evans or Dexter, but what unfolded that night was trashy comedic gold. For the uninitiated, Perfect Match consisted of a male or female contestant listening to the answers of questions asked to three suitor’s of the opposite sex that he/she was unable to see and then choosing the one with which they would like to go on a date. On the first round of the ship’s version the questions were asked of four young women and as soon as the blindfolded male admitted that he recognised the name of one of the suitors because they had hooked up the previous night, followed by another female suitor yelling to someone down the back of the room to get her another drink and a bag of salt and vinegar chips, I knew I just had to get filming. Also, we were seated behind someone with a cornrow combover (below), but I can’t help but think that they missed the opportunity to braid the combover section across their head. It was even more shocking when said individual stood up and turned out to be a woman:

Anyway, it was a hilarious night, some of the female suitors were pretty trashy and the bulk of the male ones were as thick as pig shit so witness some of the Perfect Match train-wreck for yourself:

Sunday, January 12, 2020 We would be making landfall again, this time on the island of Maré for some sand, sea, and sunburn. We got up reasonably early, put on some sunscreen, grabbed our swimming gear, and jumped on a boat to ferry us over to Maré Island:

Maré Island or Nengone is the second-largest of the Loyalty Islands, in the archipelago of New Caledonia, an overseas territory of France in the Pacific Ocean. The island is part of the commune (municipality) of Maré, in the Loyalty Islands Province of New Caledonia.

The island is 42 km (26 mi) long and 16 to 33 km (10 to 20 miles) wide. It lies northeast of Grande Terre, New Caledonia’s mainland. Like its neighbor to the north Lifou, Maré is a raised coral atoll, a former atoll that has been lifted about 120 meters. The interior of the island is the former lagoon, surrounded by a rim of higher land that was the ring of reef islets. Its fossil coral rock is honeycombed with caves, pools, and pits of all sizes, whose sharp edges make for difficult walking. Because of the lifting, the current shoreline is relatively recent and supports only short sections of nearshore fringing reef, unlike the extensive barrier reef found on the main island of New Caledonia, Grande Terre. The narrow beaches of Maré are often backed by cliffs.

Shane, Danii, Evie, Anna, and myself all boarded our boat just after 10:00am for the short ride over some choppy water and we were soon back on the land. The first thing that struck me when we got off the boat was how clear the water was and how fearless the children living there were. A few of them were just blindly running up and jumping off cliffs into the lagoon below them, not a care in the world. We walked along the beach, passing some stray dogs that were sleeping on the sand, until we got to an area that wasn’t too crowded with our fellow tourists, planted our towels, and then Anna rented some old, mouldy snorkelling gear for the two of us. The others played with Evie in a shallow part while Anna and I slowly made our way out to a coral area to snorkel. I say slowly, because the water was a lot colder than over here in the tropics and, although it doesn’t bother Anna in the slightest, it takes me a long time to fully immerse myself in rather cold water, because I need to work up the courage to submerge the three areas that the temperature shocks the most; the back of the knees, followed by the testicles, and finally the nipples. Once in we snorkelled for a while and saw some colourful fish and areas of coral, but it wasn’t really anything special.

After swimming we just spent time walking along the beach, drinking cheap beers, and laughing at the Instagram influencers getting more and more annoyed while taking and retaking at least 10 photos to try and perfectly capture one sole representation of just how relaxed and hassle-free their island-hopping life is. There were several stalls selling coconuts and braiding hair so another activity that brought us all immense pleasure was listening to bogans outside of their natural environment. “Mum, can I get my mullet braided?” was one pearl of wisdom we heard out of a child, while an extremely overweight woman replied to a man offering her a coconut that, “Coconut is f__king gross!”, leading us to believe she had only ever had the desiccated type that comes on a lamington, but never the fresh variety. Shane at one stage tried to order a coconut from one of the stalls, but the two guys working there were so baked it took them a few seconds to realise he was even standing in front of them.

Soon we were back on the boat and we returned to the Explorer Hotel for a few drinks, followed by dinner, and back to the Explorer again to watch an Asian woman and an African-American guy do some fantastic covers, the dude able to make all the high notes when they did Prince tracks, particularly Kiss. When we first entered they were playing Wishing Well by Terence Trent D’Arby so I mentioned to Shane that he was in the bathroom while I was taking a leak. He thought it was cool that I got to meet D’Arby while having a piss and went on to tell me about the time he met one of the Australian cricket team in a public toilet, however, I was only referring to the guy out of the cover band we were watching at the time. There was the White Party that night where everyone wore white, however, Shane suggested that we all should’ve gone as Walter White from Breaking Bad, but we didn’t attend for the same reason as any of the other parties, it was just too crowded in a really small space. Instead, we watched a talent competition that was just glorified karaoke, everyone trying to get me to enter, but me declining on the grounds that I wasn’t drunk enough, before calling it a night. Looking back on Sunday:

Looking back at our ship

Approaching the island

I wasn’t kidding about the water

I was too scared to go off the 3-metre (10′) diving board at my local swimming pool at that age!

Dogs just laying around

Looking up the beach

And the other way

Towards some of the huts

Token panoramic shot

These guys were fried!

Our beer choices

Coconuts and braids

Another small hut

Walking around a cove

The five of us hanging out

Still walking around

Time to head back now

Especially when it’s coming over like this

The view on the way back

A similar view from our balcony that night

Monday, January 13, 2020 Monday would be our last trek onto land, albeit a shortened one, this time on Lifou Island:

Lifou Island or Drehu in the local language is the largest, most populous and most important island of the Loyalty Islands (Loyalty Islands Province), in the archipelago of New Caledonia, an overseas territory of France in the Pacific Ocean. With a total area of 1,207 square kilometers Lifou is located east of Australia

Irregular in shape, Lifou Island is 81 km (50 mi) long and 16 to 24 km (10 to 15 miles) wide. The island is flat with no hills or rivers, but has abundant vegetation, dense interior jungles, fertile soils, terraced cliffs and breath taking reefs and corals.

Lifou Island is a former coral atoll that was part of a submerged volcano. Nearly 2 million years ago, the island was uplifted to its present shape and elevation, today it sits at a mere 60m above sea level at its highest point. Since there are no rivers on Lifou, the water comes from rain that seeps through the calcareous soil and forms freshwater ponds.

The term Kanak is used for natives of the islands and their native language of the island is Drehu, with people descending from Melanesians and Polynesians. With a total of 19 different tribes inhabiting the three Loyalty Islands, six of which are on Lifou.

Anna was keen to swim again, but I had no intentions of taking my shirt off, because I didn’t want to add to the searing pain I was in from how sunburnt I had got the previous day while swimming. I had put sunscreen on my torso, legs, and lower arms and Anna had covered my back, but I missed my upper arms and shoulders which were now bright red. In fact, it was so bad you could map the way I had applied the sunscreen by simply examining the finger lines in the burnt areas! Seriously:

I obviously used my right hand to wipe down from my left shoulder

Anna’s tiny finger-lines on my shoulder

If not applying sunscreen correctly was my main regret from Sunday, wearing sneakers that I hadn’t worn since going to the gym back when we lived in New York years ago would be my regret for Monday as you will soon find out.

We boarded another small boat to take to Lifou and it was extremely windy while we were on our way to the island, but it wasn’t just at sea, the wind was strong on the land, too. We had a heavy bag with us so we planted that under a tree at the exact same time an elderly woman tripped over a tree root and slid down a small embankment, cutting her arm in the process, but she was okay so we went to explore our last stop in New Caledonia. We found ourselves walking past traditional grass huts beside the crystal clear ocean and we were only about 15 minutes into our trek when part of the sole of my shoe came off. I figured it was no big deal and kept walking when almost all of the entire sole of the same shoe immediately came unstuck. On the ship we had to use a swipe card to pay for things, as well as enter our rooms, and I had mine on an elastic band around my wrist so I took the band and wrapped it around my shoe in a futile attempt to keep the sole from coming more and more detached. The scenery was stunning and soon we were near an old cathedral on the island when the sole of the other shoe came right off. These things were just disintegrating and it was now time for me to make use of the band of Anna’s tag to keep that sole on so after a quick pitstop at the cathedral we were off again. The sole that had come fully detached shifted as I walked, something that wasn’t an immediate issue, but it could have disastrous consequences soon; our plan was to walk through some thick jungle and descend down a considerably steep path consisting solely of some extremely slippery rocks to reach an underground cave system so I would need all of the grip I could get, not soles attached to my shoes by elastic. Besides the constant need to shift and adjust the soles we made it down to the caves just fine. It was a bit of a squeeze getting there and I had to duck through some low hanging areas, resulting in some local kids coming to the conclusion that I must be a professional basketball player, one even asking if he could have my cap. Once inside the caves there were freshwater pools that were about four metres ( 13′) deep where you could swim, but they were also freezing cold. It may have been able to relieve my sunburn somewhat, but I’m not a fan of the cold, let alone swimming in it, so we just had a look around and then made our way back up the path to the surface. Once at the top I tore the remaining portions of the soles off both sneakers, the end result resembling a pair of cycling cleats. We continued walking around the island, me in my disfigured shoes, before heading back to the boat. Shane and Danii checked out a vanilla farm and saw some wild pigs while they were in Lifou, but this is what Anna and I saw:

Looking one way…

…and the other

A little gusty out here

A local family going about their day

One of the traditional huts

Looking through a hole to the ocean beneath

Hanging out on a pier

It’s ridiculously clear

A wooden carving

Inside one of the huts

I’d probably struggle to get in

The local cathedral

Imagine both shoes being held together with elastic like this

Just need to go down this path in my not-so-stable sneakers

Looking into the jungle

Anna and a tree

About halfway down

A portion of one of the pools inside the cave

Another area

This guy served as a lifeguard of sorts

Goodbye, sneakers. Oh well, they were ugly anyway

A group about to do a traditional ceremony (we never actually got to see it)

Heading back to the ship

A little rough

It was still extremely rough when we were back on the ship. In fact at one point when we were having a bit to eat in the buffet it felt like the ship dipped down and hit something, but it was nothing to really worry about, it was just a bit difficult walking around.

The rest of Monday and Tuesday were quite similar on the ship. We spent most of our time relaxing in the cabin, eating, drinking, and trying to avoid hearing Elton Joel. We saw more talent contests and karaoke that featured a young guy doing an over the top cover of Greased Lightnin’, hamming it up even more the following night in the final. We watched a band do a decent Amy Winehouse tribute show, Anna and Danii went to a stage show the next night while Shane and I just hung out, and we also went in a contest where the funniest answers to questions were read out, except when it came to ours, because we wrote down some messed up stuff that they refused to read. An ongoing theme on the ship was photographers asking to do glamour photos for you and then charge you extortionate prices for a printout, but Shane and Danii had paid for a photo package so they got some glamour shots done, dragging me into a couple with Shane. Also on the Tuesday night there was a 1920s themed ‘Gatsby’ party and Anna and I met an elderly couple from Liverpool, England (below) who had attended and got chatting to them afterward. He was telling me about how he grew up during the depression and had to steal pigs to feed his family, including his 11 siblings. He even taught me how to steal them. While we were having this conversation his wife was telling Anna that he also used to string guitars for the Beatles when they first came out and that he even played guitar for Cilla Black! He never even mentioned this until Anna told me and I asked him about it!

One of our horrendous glamour shots

With our slightly older drinking companions from Liverpool

Wednesday, January 15, 2020 It was the eve of Shane’s 40th birthday and our last day on the ship. Anna and myself went down to get coffee, passing Danii on the way who told us that there was a ton of fresh seafood available at the buffet today so once coffee was done we feasted on fresh prawns, mussels, and crabs. After lunch we went to the Explorer Hotel early to try to secure a seat for that afternoon’s trivia competition. It’s difficult to get a table for trivia, because the place fills up with people playing cards, mainly Uno, and they won’t move until the trivia competition has finished. We managed to get a seat, but many others missed out due to the card players, and we ended up absolutely blitzing most of the competition. As soon as trivia was over, the table of Uno players next to us packed up their stuff, smirked like the asshats they are, and left the bar, but we weren’t going anywhere for a while, instead sitting around listening to one of the great cover bands we had seen on a previous night. Once we did leave, it was up to 400 Gradi for Shane’s pizza birthday dinner which concluded with us filling out a feedback form with the request that they never let Kingsley, AKA Elton Joel back on the ship again, or at the very least to not allow him to have a microphone. Once done we dropped into the The Bonded Store so Sam could buy Shane a top-shelf whiskey and then it was back to the Explorer for more drinks, but Shane was getting a tad sleepy. We sat through more karaoke, the winner of the talent contest finally choosing a new tune! We were all relieved, I even turned to a complete stranger and said, “At least it’s not f__cking Greased Lightnin’!”, to which she laughed and agreed. I guess I spoke too soon, because only a few songs later he was back with an even more amped up version of Greased Lightnin’, acting out the entire dance from the movie as he went. Seriously, I think this guy must’ve had to play the role of Grease‘s Danny for his recent high school end-of-year concert, it was still fresh in his head, and he figured if he pulled it out enough times he might be able to score his very own Sandy. As it approached midnight I let the guy taking karaoke requests know that it was Shane’s birthday, grabbed a round of drinks for us, and welcomed in his fifth decade, Shane initially irritated at the thought that he was going to have to get up and sing, but I only got the karaoke guy to get the room to sing Happy Birthday. It all didn’t last much longer than that.

Thursday, January 16, 2020 It was time for us to all say our goodbyes when we got off the ship that morning; Sam and Kerri had to catch an early flight back to Brisbane, Shane, Danii, and Evie were soon going to be on the bus home to Canberra, and we would be flying back to Singapore later that night. However, we had the entire afternoon to wander around Sydney so we got the nearby train station to store our luggage and we took a train into town to have a look around. I’ve never really been a big fan of Sydney, but I did manage to buy something I’ve always wanted while we were there, a Manute Bol jersey from his rookie season with the then Washington Bullets:

All in all our first ever cruise was an absolute blast, far more fun than we had anticipated and we were expecting to be awesome anyway. I hope you had a great time for your 40th, Shane, it was cool to finally meet Evie and see Danii again, as well as hang out with Sam and Kerri, now you all need to come and visit us in Singapore!

A week on a cruise ship and hanging out on islands in the South Pacific for my friend's 40th birthday 2020 is the year that a lot of my friends will turn 40 and the first on the list was Shane Worthington, the one I've known the longest.