#and it didnt even help with any of my symptoms 😭😭

[straykats]

good pls make tea i hope your cough goes away kat! i saw :(((((( i hope you can get some rest soon!! sending you hugs and warm blankets

update i decided to just skip both my classes tmrw bc its almost 3am im not even SLEEPY and my cough has lead to a headache 🥲 that was tmi and unnecessary in regard to ur well wishes (which i am very thankful for btw) but yes i do hope ir goes away soon 😭😭

[youremyheaven]

helloooo hope im not bothering you but do you have any natural remedies for anxiety? i figured you would know because you really do seem to have experience with things like this

methods that preferably don’t involve ingesting anything because sometimes when it’s really bad my gag reflex kicks up with everything i put in my mouth 😓😓 for context ive been properly diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but i remember there was a three week period as a child where i was effectively mute because anxiety and i couldn’t make eye contact or everything and now whenever i get a panic attack i think of that muteness and panic even more because i cannot risk losing my voice again at this big age 😭😭 must be something with the sky and planets or it could be my third house saturn making itself known again

- mother anon (also so proud of you for your new boyfriend!! who would’ve thought? (i did. i knew the very moment you first mentioned him.) but also like how did the confession and entrance into the relationship happen?? from fwbs to lovers is so 🤞🤞 cute but how does a conversation like that even happen and go ANDDD the fact that you previously mentioned your type to me in response to an ask and now this guys seems perfectly like that? okay go manifesting queen i see you 🤭)

selective mutism is something i struggled with as a child so i know how bad it can get and how awful it feels!!!

yoga and meditation is what helps me with anxiety. also camomile tea, peppermint tea, green tea etc helps calm you down. ik a lot of people think its hogwash to drink tea to help with symptoms BUT I PROMISE YOU ITS NOT, these are crushed plant bits and these plants have actual medicinal properties!!! this is NOT placebo!!! its the OG natural remedy!!

throat chakra cleansing mudras and asanas could help u. when i was at the peak of my panic attack-y anxiety episodes, i would lie face down on my yoga mat and just stay there until i felt better (sometimes this would take hours). my therapist at the time told me to submerge my feet in ice cold water because it makes the nerves chill out (literally) and that helped too. running or walking could also help you. chanting really helped me and thats also what my therapist recommended.

JSJDHHDHHFHF u guys being proud of me for getting a man is so funny 🤣🤣like its not an achievement but tbh it does kinda feel like one hehe 🥺bc my pookie is a good man

firsttttt of all, we weren't fwb 😭he had asked me out before and i had said no 😭 (this was a few months ago) and then we started hanging out (one on one) (in July) and one night after i hadn't seen him for like a week (because he had gone to a different city for work) i felt feral for him (i was also ovulating) and although i had no intentions as such for the two of us, I started touching him and coming onto him and he just 😊was clueless until I started kissing him and told him I want him inside me lmaooo. so tbh, we were kindaa??? dating?? (going out and spending time with a person, holding hands, cuddling etc) i think its after i became intimate with him that i realised how much i liked him lmaooo and then i wondered about where this was going etc and i asked him and we were on the same page (we both reallyyyy like each other and want to be together).

idk about other people but he wasnt someone who went from friend to fckbuddy to boyfriend. he was a guy in my social circle who had asked me out and made his intentions with me veryyy clear from the get go. I had friendzoned him 😬and despite never having friendly intentions 😈he was always respectful and never tried to cross the line. (he's a Jupiter influenced man after all hehe<3)

it wasnt an overnight switch,, it was always romantic from his end. i didnt realise how gentlemanly and chivalrous he was until i started hanging out with him (by the time we had become intimate, i had already gone out with him 4 -5 times) and he's just sooo manlyyyy and mature,, its so hot to me. so for me, it took more time to see him that way??? so even tho i said i had sex with a friend, we were technically dating at that point lol,, it wasnt a random "hey meet me, i want to bang u tonight" situation

he does fit my type to a TEE hehe <333 i hope i manifest everything else in life this way<333 like everytime im with him, im just like??? did i write this man into existence?? bc wtf ??? 🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬

[quaranmine]

🍉

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

very interesting question! i feel like i don't go into writing fanfic with the idea of "i'm going to use this to process things from my real life" and then it just bonks me over the head anyway. like writing is a process where you just cut yourself open and bleed all over the page, and half the time i don't even really realize what i'm doing

i write about a lot of things indirectly. there's pieces of things hidden everywhere. i don't necessarily share the same traumas and experiences of the characters i write about but it's like, oh, if you hold it to the light at this specific angle, you'll see what i poured into it. not all my fics are like this, some are just ideas i had, but i'm a pretty introspective person who puts a lot of thought into things so a lot of my fics are like this

i have this one watcher!grian wip that's pretty self-indulgent. i hope that i'll post it one day, even if it's just a tiny piece, but it's one of those fics that just got away from me a little even though i love the writing i've done for it. anyway in the fic there's some very specific things that grian struggles with and it took looking at it THREE MONTHS LATER for me to suddenly realize that it was just a repackaged fantasy version of my main personal identity/social crisis i was going through then 😭 it was actually really funny to me i was like WOW i literally didnt even know what i was actually writing about when i made this but it was On My Mind i guess

there's also occasional references to my experiences with chronic illness/autoimmune disease in my fics. i've fortunately been in remission for several years now, so my current chronic illness experience is mostly just "abled adult without any symptoms or pain who is just permanently on medication and slightly immunocompromised." it affects my day to day life very little right now fortunately but the years when i was super sick were some of the worst of my life and are like. VERY core memories of my teenage years. anyway, there's a specific bit of HTBAHB where i draw on that some--specifically, grian's very mixed feelings about being a watcher and if he'd change it or not. with my autoimmune disease, if you gave me an opportunity to take it away or cure it i would accept in a heartbeat. but if you let me go back in time and prevent myself from ever having it? idk if i'd accept. as painful and traumatic as it was, it also very much shaped me how i am today, and the idea of extricating myself from that is strange. maybe the me of the past would have been happier, but she'd be a totally different person. anyway! other people probably have a different take on their traumas and experiences depending on what it was and its affects, so that was a very personal perspective there. additionally i have also incorporated some of this autoimmune disease experience into my listener!jimmy headcanons, but i haven't been able to complete and publish my wip that is About That

firewatch au is also just. extremely this. i'm very sorry but it's gonna be pretty devastatingly sad throughout and y'all just gotta let me have this because somewhere along the way it went from "interesting fun idea i had last year" into "something i Need to write" lsjdflsjfslf. i haven't grieved or lost anyone in the extreme way that grian has, but i think there's just. so many types of loss and grief in the world. lost friends and family (via death or otherwise), lost relationships with people you used to care about so much (and still might care about), lost opportunities and lost chances to have lived a different life or made different choices, the collective loss of living through the pandemic, the persistent environmental and climate grief that stalks my entire chosen career. there will be things that pop up in this story that are referenced from my real life, and things that pop up in the story that align with my own fears/anxieties.

anyway this is why writing is the most terrifying hobby ever i am like really out here every day doing this and then publishing it for strangers on the internet to read and hoping they don't read me too hard

fic writer asks

[stinkrascal]

A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.

hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3

umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.

the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was

unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.

you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.

also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.

so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol

[harryhandstan]

HIIII happy (late) 4th of july!!

you are literally the sweet person to ever exist i can’t believe its been like 2 years since we last spoke. its crazy how time flies

oh noooo im sorry that happened to you :(( im glad ur doing better and taking good care of yourself 💓💓 wishing u a speedy recovery!

alsoooo good luck with house hunting! that must be so exciting!!looking for a new place to call home and making new memories in it! i just know youll find the most beautiful homey and perfect place!! im manifesting for u

im doing well!! not much happened except for school stuff but i just went to my first ever pit concert a few months ago! i saw the driver era (only because i thought ross lynch was hot lol) i didnt know what to expect for pit but i didn’t expect to stand for 8 hours straight 😭😭 AHHHH ALSO im seeing taylor swift in a few weeks and i literally cannot wait!!!!

im always thinking about u! talk to u soon!! good luck 🍀 love youuuuuuu!!! 💗💓💓💞💕

-🧸

happy late 4th of july to you too bestie!! I hope you had a great day!!

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this btw it's been storming here so my wi-fi has been in and out all day!

omg stop you're so kind to me I genuinely love talking to everyone and I consider you and many others here my friends so y'all make it easy to just repay the love I've been given!!

it's actually only been a year bub! I only know because I looked it up to refresh my memory about what we talked about before cause like I said a lot had happened and I couldn't remember if we'd talked since my accident. it was last year after my birthday and after harry's house came out. but really it's alright I don't want you to feel bad!

thank you so much for the well wishes ❤ I realized after that I left some detail out of what happened to me and didn't explain it very well, but if I ramble on too much just feel free to skip over it! basically not only was I kicked but I went flying about 8 feet across my yard too, which caused me to have a compression fracture on T11 of my spine. I also had a contusion on my right hip (which is just a really, really deep and bad bruise), which is where the point of impact was. I will (hopefully) continue to improve, but having arthritis still causes me to have a ton of pain if I do too much physical activity. that part of my spine is also partly collapsed and always will be, but my neurosurgeon said that as long as my arms and legs are still okay that I should just slowly start to get back to "normal" life and listen to my body as I go along! I asked if I needed to keep up with x-rays or anything over the years but he said my symptoms would get much, much worse if the collapse got any worse and I would know I need to come back to see him. he also said IF I would've had to have surgery that it would take like 12 pins and a huge rod to correct things so I'm so SO lucky that things weren't any worse!

thank you so much for helping us manifest!!! it means more than you'll ever know because it hasn't been easy so far trying to find a place 😔 we live in such a rural area in GA and we originally wanted to stay in the same town because I was supposed to start a new job in january and we wanted to be close to my work. I probably won't get to take that job now (which is a whole other long story), and since there are very limited options we're probably gonna have to broaden our search to surrounding towns that are slightly bigger! we ultimately want a house together, but I think we're gonna have to settle for an apartment for now until we can find the perfect place for us. anything would be better than here rn though!!!

idk if I've ever talked much about my dad to you but we have as no contact of a relationship as possible even though we live in the same house. he's the reason for my accident and so the day it happened and we were waiting for the ambulance to come my mom told him that we wouldn't be coming back to this house. but then we had no choice we didn't have the money or resources needed to go elsewhere. I was worried as I got better she would forget about that and slip out of that mindset, but thankfully she hasn't! she just told me tonight we'd probably go look at apartments next week and that she can't wait to get out of here. I could truly cry at the thought of having a safe, clean, and comfortable space away from him. it's what my mom, my siblings, and our dogs all deserve!

how is school going? how much longer do you have to go? and oohh I'm so happy you got to experience a concert in pit!! it's amazing but it is soooo exhausting I hope you got lots of rest afterward 😊 when I saw harry I wore my ankle support thing to my pit concert to because I knew my feet would be swollen the next day probably. and taylor swift that's so cool!! I'm very excited for you!! I hope you have the best time!!! where are your seats for that show?

I'm always thinking about you too!! seriously sometimes I'll just think about you or how you're doing so just know you're always getting any spare good vibes I have sent your way ✨ thank you thank you for the good luck!!! love you moreeeee 🤍

I was gonna tell you about getting to see stevie nicks and my road trip to see my little brother but I talked so much this time we'll save those stories for next time if you wanna hear about them!!

[hrrycore]

they put crack in wick medinait istg

[slowdesire]

oh my god ur post about being uncomfortable around ppl who know you and everything from ghosting and to moving accounts and tumblr being the only safe social media bc of its anonymity,,, i've been struggling with this for years and i didnt even know it had a name of its own, i thought it was just how i was or maybe a symptom of regular anxiety at worst and idk if this is something you'll relate to but its especially anxiety inducing for me when ppl who know me from different settings meet and i suddenly have to reconcile who i am with both people, or how ive always been okay with strangers seeing my art but never ppl that actually know me bc then theyd know too much. anyways sorry this is rambly and ik u said what u like abt this site is not having to talk to anyone so pls dont feel pressured to respond i just had to write this down somewhere bc it is a Revelation

it's totally fine that you sent this in! i actually deal better with asks and especially anon asks compared to messages. hope it's okay im responding, if you need me to take this down just let me know :-)

im glad you could relate to my post (which i deleted, sorry😭) on some level bc i know how great it can feel to be seen or understood by others in that sense. i feel the exact same way as you in terms of struggling with people from different social circles meeting, thus making you reconcile different sides of you in a way... i feel like that's an experience a lot of people have, not just limited to avpd or neurodivergence or anything, but it really is such an alienating conflicting kind of feeling. this was especially hard for me whenever i'd date anyone because other than when i dated a friend we all knew, my close friends would always want me to introduce my partner and even if that was perfectly reasonable i was always just internally like sorry i can't do it.... i can't let any of you meet one another. right now im wondering if that was one sign i wasn't all too ready to be in romantic relationships (and im still grappling with my conflicted feelings abt romance and being single rn). that was a huge tangent on my end lol but im just like you, i actually thought i was struggling with general anxiety for nearly forever!!! so the diagnosis for avpd was kind of shocking ... but also made a lot of sense in retrospect. though even right now, after several months, i don't quite know how to deal with it bc i can't afford therapy rn. but the label and knowledge abt it has been useful nonetheless. there isn't as much research on it and it's not as widely talked about, so i'm still trying to figure out what will help me out.. probably DBT (because CBT tends to stress me out for some reason). ANYWAYS that was another tangent ... im not saying you should say you have avpd or anything bc really there are so many overlaps with general anxiety, social anxiety, avpd, and even other personality disorders but !!!! i am just glad my random vent resonated with you and helped you reflect on things. im always trying to reflect too, since this is something i struggle with pretty much everyday in more aspects than just social life, so it's really nice to hear from you :-) making each other feel less alone :-)

[jayflrt]

haha im going to my friend's prom! she went to mine and im going to hers. ngl her's was kinda more fun bc of venue 😭 IT WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN MINE it rly gave that royalty au vibes i got so many pictures 😁 and also finally met her friends so it was fun!

my last week of school was nice and chill i was mostly scrambling to finish my chem final and just getting people to sign my yearbook! i got this set of colourful pens i got on my birthday that i never got to use and i finally used them so my yearbook is very colourful which i like bc there's so many msgs and having the different colours rly helps with reading them 😭

i unfortunately got covid so i had to miss my graduation 😭 i completely recovered now but i was rly bummed out for a couple of days, esp on the day of. i retraced my days and figured out by timelines that i contracted it on my last day of school and thats so 💀 one of my friends said the school left me a parting gift 👹 apparently some people with covid went to grad anyways but i didnt want to be one of those people even though i rly rly wanted to go anyways

my clubbed performed a dance! i also had a short solo towards the end and it was jusy rly fun so at least there's that good memory left from my school ig ansjdffkv hehe thank you for the virtual flowers 💓

and i did listen to bts' comeback! i was an army for a while previously so seeing them always flickers an old flame in me even though i dnt "stan" them anymore. all the new songs are great! i love the vibes of run bts but searching it on google is a hassle bc theres their show and also their song from hyyh era 😭

also this 😭😭 not the livetweeting while getting eaten by a titan. also imagining that era having technology would be so. funny. and weird 💀 imagine the subtweeting between the outside and the inside of the walls 😭 absolute chaos.

anyways i hope you've been well! i can rest properlt now bc im covid free now and my symptoms werent horrible but it was still so annoying going through it 💀😭 stay safe and healthy !

- 🌻

omg i’m so glad you had fun !! 🥰💖 also royal vibes??? i’m so jealous omg 🤩🤩 i’ve been seeing these tiktok’s of recreations of the queen’s ball from bridgerton and it looks like an absolute dream 🤧

AHHH THE COLORFUL PENS 😌 NO SHAME I BOUGHT A WHOLE SET FOR MY YEARBOOK TOO but everyone only used purple or blue >:(( but yesyes it’s so much easier to read that way !!! when everything in the same blue/black ballpoint pen it gets confusing and you just have to distinguish by handwriting :’)

OMG NOOOOOO IM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭 I HOPE THEY MADE UP FOR IT AT LEAST <//3 if it makes you feel any better i heard a lot of schools have been fucking up graduation this year (ig bc it’s the first year of being back in person??) but i met with my friend and she was telling me our high school’s graduation ceremony was super messy this year and they were unorganized and didn’t account for students in the heat bc ppl were passing out :( i’m rlly glad you’ve recovered tho !! 💖 a happy graduation from me tho !! congrats on making it so far and here’s to the rest of your future <33 not your parting gift being covid 💀💀 at least it’s a memory to remember !! 🥳

WAIT THATS SO COOL IM SURE U SLAYED 🥰🥰 what club is it ?? :o if you don’t mind sharing HAHAH but that’s so awesome that you got a solo :o i’m glad you got to do it before covid tho ! and you said it was your first in person event right?

omg same here :’))) i don’t stan as much as i used to but i still feel nostalgic looking at content ,, plus i’m getting back into them (even tho they’re on a break LOLL) but jeon jungkook and jung hoseok…… 🧎‍♀️ HAHAH YEAH OMG but they better use that for their next run bts season openings

TBH IDK WHY THAT IDEA EVEN CAME TO MIND LOLLL i wasn’t even rewatching aot or anything 😭😭 ig i was just thinking of how much more convenient phones would be instead of eren screaming ab killing the titans and everyone running after him 🧍‍♂️

i feel u omg :(( my symptoms were rlly annoying too even tho i’ve had colds worse than it 🤧 i’m glad you’re better now tho and i hope you’ve been staying well and healthy !! do you have any plans for your break now? :oo