#and is just generally done w the world honestly

[cherrynojutsu]

Full offense but tumblr fucking the formatting of literally all of my past fic posts without protection is my last straw at trying to post my writing directly to this hellsite so from here on out imma literally just post a link here to AO3/FF.net because I ain't the one to constantly have to update stuff on their behalf ✨

Like Gold - Chapter 18: Correlations is posted!

AO3 Link | FF.net Link

[hella1975]

would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella

as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY

[endiness]

on a “roman is gay/ace truther” level, i find the idea of roman going after kerry to be so baffling because, like. every time he's expressed 'attraction' to women his father finds attractive and approves of, it’s always seemed so desperately performative to me, like roman trying to convince the world (his father) that he's sexually attracted to women when he isn't. and, like, by the end of the s3 he can't even manage the charade anymore? like, when logan asks him if he thinks kerry's attractive, he just answers in a very tired, practically monotone, unconvincing voice "yeah, yep."

(plus i feel like with where roman's been at so far this season it doesn't make any sense, either? because if he did pursue kerry, at least to me, it would come off as incredibly performative. and i feel like that’s something roman’s had a problem with all season? like, he could've easily made a joke about his father's sex life in the last episode like everyone expected him to but he didn't. he didn't want to. he didn't want to slip into that role because that’s what it is for him: a role he’s been playing. and he's tired of it.)

[gnomewithalaptop]

Y'know, it's so funny to me when people make out like Tim Drake would keep files on how to take down his friends when Tim has explicitly said he disagrees with Batman on this:

[Young Justice (1998) #36]

Like, yes, during his Red Robin tenure he does make a Hit List full of contingency plans for known heroes. But if you go and read that, you'll notice that, while the Justice League and Damian may be on there, Tim's own friends are decidedly absent:

[Red Robin (2009) #14]

In fact, a lot of these heroes are people that have either (a) attacked Tim specifically, (b) have a track record that includes turning evil/getting mind controlled, or (c) are on the JLA (meaning Batman probably already had those files compiled and Tim just stole them).

So yeah: Tim's not down with contingency-planning for his friends. You know which one of the YJ crew DID agree with Batman though? My favorite blorbina Anita Fite, aka Empress:

[Young Justice (1998) #36]

But yeah, this contrast is honestly fascinating to me. Because while both Anita and Tim have been shown to be incredibly loyal individuals, this exchange really highlights the fact that, between the two of them, Anita is far more likely to engage in this kind of pragmatism when she thinks it's necessary to get the job done

The whole Our Worlds at War arc actually does a really good job of illustrating how both of them react to betrayal from within. It's not just the Batman Files conflict either -- I'm thinking specifically about the hallucination-based torture Granny Goodness put them through, which showed them their worst fears. Most of the team ended up having to watch their loved ones die, but what's super interesting to me is that we really only see Anita and Tim hallucinate that their loved ones blame them for their deaths:

[Young Justice (1998) #37]

Like. It's not the same as a teammate turning evil at all. But it does give us a good idea of how they'd both react when faced with a friend or teammate doing harmful things, albeit on a smaller scale. Because where Tim kind of just accepts Superboy yelling at him and moves straight into bargaining for Kon's life, Anita actually flips the script, gets angry, and defends herself against her father:

[Young Justice (1998) #37]

(she actually gets so righteously pissed off that she manages to break out of the VR simulation Granny Goodness had her trapped in, but that's another point)

But yeah, it's super interesting, because by this point, both Anita and Tim have been set up to be very similar characters. They both can be a little bit obsessive, they both have some issues with boundaries and stalking (Tim with Nightwing and Batman, Anita with Cissie), and of the team, they're both portrayed as the "normal" members (Anita does technically have mind control powers but she barely ever uses them, and in a fight, she's basically just a very good, human-level fighter)

But at the end of the day, though Batman forces Robin to put on a cool front of objectivity, Tim (at least in his pre-grief-spiral era) ultimately wants to see the best in his team. When the people he cares about screw up, he wants to give them second chances. And when that trust gets broken, his first instinct is to try to use diplomacy, or, failing that, simply remove himself from the situation (as we see at the end of the Our Worlds at War arc when he quits the team)

Anita, on the other hand, while still incredibly loyal, does not hand out that loyalty unconditionally. We see this when she tries to keep her identity secret from the YJ squad, we see it when she gets pissed in Granny Goodness's hallucination when her father blames her for her mother's death, and we see it when she later blames Secret for her perceived role in Anita's father's death

Anita also happens to sit right smack dab in the middle of the YJ morality scale; while she's generally pretty chill and willing to abide by typical superhero codes of ethics (unlike Slobo and Secret), she's also been shown to bend those rules when she believes it's necessary (as seen here when she tortures and threatens to kill a man for trying to hurt Cissie). Ultimately, what this means is, between Tim and Anita, it's honestly Anita who'd probably be the most willing to put her personal qualms aside, buckle down, and go against her loved ones if it was the only reasonable option

Anyway. This is a really long-winded way of saying I think Gun Batman's biggest nemesis should be Empress

[onsomenewsht]

I like it in the city when two worlds collide

About when she’s her hometown hero and you wish to fill your own home

》 Alexia Putellas x Reader

》 words count: +1.5k

》 be like a kid in a candy store [phrase]: to be very happy and excited about the things around you, and often react to them in a way that is silly and not controlled

Admiring Alexia as she builds her foundation, little piece after little piece, it’s honestly one of the best things you had the privilege to witness her achieve. Sparks of excitement radiate every time she talks about it, every time new ideas are brought out or new steps forward are made.

You’ve been next to her since the very beginning, since it was all just a desire to make an actual difference for the next generation of girls in football.

And you’re next to her today, as it comes alive in her hometown.

It’s so beautiful and meaningful, your heart beats with pride.

“Nice speech, have you ever thought about a future in politics?”

“I can’t think of anything worse”

Alexia welcomes your hug eagerly, taking a moment between your arms to ground herself after all the talking and the smiling.

She’s happy, she truly is. But she also needs to stop for a second and just feel that happiness.

“I think your mama is one step away from building you a statue with her own bare hands”

The Catalan bursts out laughing, looking at her mother. Eli is beaming with joy and pride as she speaks with one of her old teachers, who somehow finds himself here to support her project the same way he supported her football dream back in the day.

“We’re all really proud of you, Alexia”, you say, holding her hand between yours to make her understand how much she has done. The beautiful impact she has on the one close to her and the one who shines from a distance because of her light.

“You say it all the time”, she dismisses as her cheeks turn a little more red under the praises and the Mollet sun.

“Yeah, I need to keep feeding your ego or you’ll die without attention”

“Idiot!”

The jab is light and mocking, you know how she feels about the running joke.

It goes back years, you weren’t even dating yet, but the teasing way you compared her to a fairy who can’t live without people believing in them sticks. The Barcelona’s captain keeps denying the comparison, you know she secretly loves your way to show admiration and support.

“Come on, I think they’re teaming up the kids and I want to make sure Eloise is with you”

“I don’t play favouritism”

She does, but you’re not wanna call her out for having a soft spot for your best friend’s daughter.

The walk toward the makeshift sports ground set up for the occasion is short, filled with stops to talk with people, hug excited children of all ages and shake hands with even more excited parents.

It doesn’t take much to put in place a little tournament, Alexia plays in the second round and you somehow find yourself involved too. You’re just glad the unfortunate kids who have you on their team do most of the work, allowing you to move around and look busy.

The odds are even in your favour when you find yourself alone in front of the goal and all you have to do is kick the ball into the back of the net.

You make sure a certain blonde athlete is looking when you mock a little bow.

From that is a blur of laughs and jokes between you and all the people who came here to support Alexia and her foundation, never stepping out of your role of a proud girlfriend.

When it’s her moment to get involved in the game, you are in the front row with the best view, always happy to see the footballer in her element - doesn’t matter if it is a stadium filled with a screaming crowd or an improvised kickaround with a soft ball and energetic kids.

And the kids are, indeed, full of energy and burning with excitement to play with an actual two time Ballon d’Or winner. They remind you of her.

“You’re drooling”

“I’m not”, you talk back, annoyed, yet unconsciously swiping your lips.

You’re not gonna dignify your best friend with a better answer, keeping your gaze fixed on the Catalan. You love him dearly, Teo has been your rock for years now, but he can be such an asshole.

“You know your own goddaughter is playing too, right?”

“Elo’s really good”

“She’s just doing whatever Alexia is doing”

It’s cute how much the young girl looks up at the footballer. Not just for the incredible and dedicated athlete she is, but also for the amount of care and attention she always reserves for the kid whenever the two are together.

It warms your heart every time.

“Do you think she is gonna let them win?”, Teo asks, genuinely wondering.

You only grin at his question. Alexia is not gonna let those kids win just because, doesn’t matter how adorable they are.

“She’s way too competitive”

“Those are children!”

As an answer, your girlfriend fakes a pass on her left, letting a boy, not older than ten, slide in the wrong direction and completely miss the ball. You notice as she tries to hide a smile behind her hair, finding another kid with a precise long shot.

Little shit she is.

“She’s way too competitive”, Teo confirms, giggling with you when your girls celebrate the winning goal.

“You can practise parenthood tonight if you want”

“I’m not babysitting so you can go out with that brunette you’re seeing”

He almost looks offended by your assumption, but you know him well enough.

The opportunity to spend time with your goddaughter is always appreciated and cherished, she’s a wonderful kid and no one managed to drag Alexia into their shenanigans as effortlessly.

But you have other ideas for tonight.

“I’m planning on letting her give me–”

“Shut up! Innocent ears are around!”

Alexia’s eyebrow rises as she approaches, with an open smile on her face and one hand firmly holding Eloise as she basically wraps herself around the footballer’s leg.

“What are the two of you plotting?”

“Do you want to babysit Eloise tonight?”, he asks with a smirk.

The cheers from both your girlfriend and the kid came faster and louder than any protest you could find in yourself.

The only reasons you don’t smack your hand on the back of Teo’s neck are the comforting arm around your waist and the well placed kiss on your cheek.

He owns you big.

But not even your best friend’s annoying self is strong enough to spoil your mood today and looking at Alexia going around for another hour or so with games and small talks, her smile never fading, is the best view you’d ask for.

She’s glowing.

You see her play and interact with kids all the time, it’s always a pretty sight and it always warms your heart how caring she is. Today, for some reason, it’s beautiful and a bit overwhelming.

Maybe it’s just your hormones, you should check your cycle’s app.

“Amor, are you good?”

Alexia’s voice brings you back, thinking too much sometimes traps you in your own mind. The nod you give her is not really convincing, but a light kiss on your intertwined hands is enough to calm her for now.

“Eloise’s team won the tournament”, she says eventually, pride filling her words.

You look at the kids, still playing around as the day slowly comes to an end. The two of you wait on the sidelines, letting the young girl have another couple of shots at the inflatable goal before taking her for an ice cream and home for the night.

“I thought there wasn’t really a winner”

“Technically no, but–”, the blonde’s lips curve in a well known smirk, “between me and you, she totally won”

“Difficult not to when a Ballon d’Or winner is on your team”

“I don’t play favouritism!”

“Oh, no, I know, you didn’t even let them see the ball”

At least she looks a bit embarrassed about being called out for her competitiveness and her attitude, having unmistakably played with a bunch of children without actually going easy on them.

“I couldn’t expect anything less from la reina”, you kiss the blush on her cheek and she doesn’t hold back a smile at your attention, “But don’t worry, I know you will go easy on our kids”

Her face, now bright red, can’t hide the surprise at your words.

“Our kids?”

“Yeah, we both know they will have you wrapped around their little tiny fingers as soon as you–”

The Catalan silences you with a firm kiss, shaking hands holding your face. She takes a moment, appeasing her fast breath and your running mind.

“Our kids?”

“Alexia, I thought this was all a twisted plan to ask me to have your children”, you joke, moving a hand around to remind her of the event still in place.

“Thank God you finally noticed”

fine.

[jadeschambers]

CHAPTER 1: Trueform!Sukuna x Isekai!gn!reader

(reader has no gender but has f genitals.)

Parings: Ryomen Sukuna

Tags: Slow burn, eventual Smut, god/godess demigod reader, sukuna needs his own warnings, huge!size kink (that man is like 8 ft tall), mentioned cannibalism, noncon? (just beware, reader ❤️ him/ don’t read if it makes u uncomfy), cunnilingus, breast play. Some cursing n crack. original idea to this series on my page.

intro, II

In Teyvat, an old friend would persist that gods cannot be trusted. Is Sukuna the god that calls your knees to the floor and pulls the praise from your throat? Or is he a temptation of desires from a life you never knew you could have.

given by your enemies; wounds and gashes heavily mar your body. recent battles have not been kind, and sometimes you wonder if victory is worth winning. Sukunas estate was shrouded by an eery silence as the sun settled, and it was almost like it was only just you in the world. “Uraume. Give them a bath and bring them to me after.” Sukuna’s broad back met your gaze as he strode away, his white haired subordinate obeying with no hesitation. “thank you…”

the curse turned, an arrogant smile plastered on his face. “Sukuna, thats Lord Sukuna for you little dove.” it was almost like his arrogance transformed him.

the halls to the bathing chamber looked like it was intricately carved by the hands of a dragon sovereign, and it was admirably distracting. standing by your side as you entered the bathing chamber, uraume held out their hands. they wanted you to strip

“oh uhm— i can bathe myself-“ before you could even finish the robes on your tarnished body slipped off, and lukewarm water stung in the deep gashes decorating your body. “to keep lord Sukuna waiting will not suffice.” they grumbled, trying to scrub you as gently as possible. “h-hey! that hurts!” uraumes hands were not very gentle, but seeing as the dirt floated into the water their roughness was proven to benefit.

warm water was a luxury to commoners back in Teyvat, boiling water naturally was a pain in your ass. but as a well respected demigod, it was something you wouldn’t really have to usually worry about. soft towels were used to dry off your skin, and you were handed a beautiful silk robe.

it looked and felt heavy, and would most likely be hard to fight in, but if you weren’t to except the gifted robe would they see you as ungrateful. “oh.. this is very beautiful; but what if it gets ruined…?” the silk felt so soft rubbing against your hands.

“either way lord sukuna will end up ruining it. except the gift, he is not always this generous.” uraume replied, insisting to help you put it on. their words widened your eyes. what in the celestia were they babbling about? “took ya long enough.” sukunas voice was deep and sensual.

he carried an aura that was definitely unmatched to what i have seen. “thank you for the robe sukuna.. and thank you for letting me stay here.” you whispered, giving him your gratitude. “pull out your weapon.”his chin lifted slightly, and by god did he really look intimidating.

stepping back in hesitation, you began to double think. were you lured into a trap? “w-why? you aren’t going to fight me are you?” your body most definitely could not handle another fight right now, and it honestly felt like you were going to collapse. sukuna looked like a demon, and charging into a fight without knowing your enemies strength is a death wish.

suddenly you found yourself right in front of him, his huge frame towering over you. “w-wait! if we’re going to fight at least let me change robes!” you placed your hands on his chest in defense, and without realizing, Sukuna was sent flying backwards. Uraume stood with their eyes open wide before crouching by their master. it took a few moments to realize what you had done. “oh my archons! im so sorry!” you gasped, immediately running to his side.

Sukuna chuckled as he sat up, his large hands grasping yours. “a strong opponent, how interesting.” he suddenly pinned you beneath him— despite the huge hole in the wall from his body he seemed utterly fine. “just what are you exactly..?” sukuna tilted his head, absolutely infatuated with that innocent look in your eyes.

looking into his eyes felt like he was hypnotizing you, in defense you managed to wiggle out from his grasp. “im really sorry sukuna… you aren’t hurt are you..?” your eyes widened as you noticed the inky black tattoos stretching across his biceps. “non sense.” he shook his head, helping you up before leading you out into the hall. “you must be fatigued, little one.” sukuna smirk faltered as he turned. just what were you? no modern sorcerer in his time could even lay a finger on him, even those who lie in the Gojo and Zenin clan.

before you now were large dark oak double doors, and as sukuna pushed them open he lead you into the room. “rest here, let us resume in the morning.” he sat you down onto the plush bed. “thank you, i really didn’t-“ sukuna placed a hand on your head, preventing you from finishing. “it is nothing on your part. now sleep.”

“We shall turn to Oratrice Mecanique d’Analyse Cardinale to render the final verdict on the charges.” Neuvilettes voice reverberated off the opera houses walls, the audience below held in silence by the anticipation. “hm? this cannot be right..” the dragon muttered under his breathe. noticing the look on Monsieur Neuvilettes face, your mind pondered on what was about to happen. “The hydro archon, guilty.” the Chief of Justice paused, holding his breath. “To be punished via…the death sentence.”

with his words a wave of gasps erupt from the crowd below, and Navia stumbles beside you. “T-This cant be right!” someone shouts below. Furina sat in the opposite gallery, tears streaming down her cheeks. “The death sentence? Thats way too far!” they retort, many beginning to question the laws of justice.

A powerful earthquake suddenly struck the opera house, sending the audience to flee for the exits. “The waters are rising!” they screamed in horror, the stampede panicking for safety, praying to their archon for strength. Suddenly a gaping hole ripped through space in the middle of the opera house, and from the darkness a gargantuan whale leapt forward, weeping.

—

“So we’ve finally met it at last… I understand very well why it has chosen to make an appearance here.” The hole in space began to close as Neuvilette explained his plan. “thanks to childe none of you were eaten?” you asked, tilting your head in worry. “Indeed, but it still traverses in the Primordial Sea, it is not from here.”

Neuvilette placed a hand on your shoulder, a foreign glint in his eyes. “I am not a fully fledged dragon, which means i need your help defeating it.” now standing in front of you both of his hands gripped your shoulders. “b-but what about the oratrice..?! and Lady Furina?” you stuttered, eyes frantically searching the room. “We will worry about the trivial matters once we return.” Neuvilette assured, yet something felt off.

As you battled, many gashes were torn in your skin, making you wince. “Are you alright?!” Neuvilette yelled through the loud crashing waves, trying to reach you, only for the unknown entity to crash into the waters, its mouth wide open.

it was going to swallow you, and it was already too late. snapping its jaws shut, the sickening clench of the whales bones grinding together. the very last thing you saw before your vision turned black was the dragon sovereign running towards your limp body.

tumblr deleted the draft to this two fuckifn times but i honestly like mashing up different worlds like this c:

tags : @maskedpacific @kbirdieee2540

art credit to nachikusan, decay_int, woshihedawei all on X

[heartpascal]

the world is brighter

▹— joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹— summary: joel is trying to be someone he’s not.

▹— a/n: so this is meant to be the reluctant daughter fic…. and it didn’t turn out exactly the way i planned :( not sure that i like it at all honestly, but i wanna put smth out for y’all and this is 13K words that i cba to rewrite so… love you.

▹— warnings: references to suicide attempt, familial loss, previous good relationship with (assumed) biological dad, blood, so much blood, murder (you kill someone), fighting, i think you could class this as dissociation/blackouts but i’m not sure (pls tell me if it’s something different), fighting, canon-typical violence, angst — please tell me if there’s more, ive been trying to keep up to date but i’ve written this fic over so many days. be mindful, this one might be kinda heavy.

▹— tags: @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @erensloveinterest @dazedshoon @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @sleepygraves @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @ilybbg @rvjaa @oliest19xx @pedropepsi @sunflowersdrop @truthfuleeyours (if you’ve been tagged it’s because you requested to be on my general taglist! if you want your tag removed, drop me a message! <3)

masterlist

howl’s song associations!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Living in Boston QZ hadn’t been your idea. No — you never would have chosen the so-called safety of the walls, which were only filled with bad people and worse authority, but you had been left with no other choice.

Pronounced an orphan on your way to the QZ, you didn’t know what else to do. With nobody to guide you or advise you, you had gone ahead with the original plan, walking the final twenty-something miles alone, in some sort of absent state.

The journey was a blur, and so was the arrival, you only really remember seeing the green flash of the cordyceps tester, reminding you of all you had lost. Every time you closed your eyes after that, the shade of green haunted you.

They had put you up in a FEDRA school, and so you began your training to become an officer. You hated it, hated the FEDRA organisation as a whole, and hated being in Boston when the person who had wanted to be there didn’t make it.

You tried not to make a habit of sneaking out after the first time, but you couldn’t help yourself. Most days, you were so exhausted from your nightly adventures through the QZ that you got everybody into doing more drills. Not many people were a big fan of you, but that was the way you preferred it.

You liked being alone, really. Enjoyed the silence that echoed through your room, the absence of other people letting you simmer in your own feelings. Your father had always reprimanded you for wallowing in your own self-pity, but he was no longer around to do such a thing. So, you wallowed.

Between climbing out of your bedroom window, jumping across rooftops to reach a particular apartment building with an actual view outside of the wall, you spent your time disconnected from the hellscape you lived in. Everything felt so far away, so out of touch, and the only moments you blinked back to reality, you were dripping in blood. Down your face, your hands, so much of it that you didn’t know where it started or ended. Or if it was your own.

Everything coming back into focus at once was dizzying enough, and sometimes that feeling was so closely related to blood loss that you had been sure somebody must’ve stabbed you, must’ve finally managed to get past your survival instincts, must’ve brought you to your end, at last.

But then you’d wake up, blood dried, no sign of the looming figure of death in front of you. There was only one occasion where the blood must’ve been mostly your own, and that was a broken nose. You pretended not to be disappointed, each and every time. Despite everything you had done to survive, everything you still do, there was a darker part of you that hated yourself for it. That blamed you.

It was one of those times yet again, where one moment you swore you were paying attention in your FEDRA classroom, and the next you blinked, eyes opening to the sight of bloodied hands in front of you.

It was everywhere, you would swear on it, underneath your fingernails, between each digit on your hand, even dripping down your wrist. It was warm and clung to your skin, even when you wiped your hands against the jeans on your legs. You blinked again, finally moving your eyes away from your sticky hands, and you gulped down a lump in your throat at the sight in front of you.

You recognised the man — a snarky guard at FEDRA, one who always had it out for you. You could see a slither of the face that always glared over at you underneath all of the red blood.

It didn’t take much realising to know that you wouldn’t get away with this thing, that this would be something that killed you. If they found out, if, then you were dead.

You needed to know, had to be sure, if this was going to be the final thing, your final action, if you had actually killed a FEDRA guard. But despite that, despite knowing that you didn’t have another option than to look if his chest was rising and falling, you couldn’t draw your eyes in the direction. Even when you tried, your chin fell to your chest, eyes back on the hands that were cradling one another in your lap, feeling far too heavy for your arms.

With the sharp way your breath was coming into your chest, you were starting to realise that your hearing hadn’t returned with your sight, and you jumped when the realisation brought it back, a rush of sound hitting you all at once.

The distant sound of gunfire, the whirring of a generator nearby, the sound of your own hyperventilating breaths, it all echoed too loudly, far too much going on for you to comprehend it all. So much so that you missed the footsteps heading your way, missed the sound of crunching stone as somebody else stepped foot on the rooftop.

A hand against your shoulder had you rearing around, fists drawn back and pushing forward until they hit the person, hard, and the hand was immediately withdrawn. You continued forward, eyes blinking closed in a flinch as the hand grabbed your wrists, holding tight until you stopped trying to pull them away.

“Jesus Christ— Tess, get on out here!” The voice belonging to the person holding on to you yelled out, about as loudly as he dared, and you bared your teeth with clenched fists at the woman who pulled herself up from the fire escape on the apartment building.

“Jesus,” She echoed, looking between you and the FEDRA agent with raised eyebrows, a slight grimace, marring her features. She looked over at the man who was grasping your wrists in a bruising grip with a questioning gaze. “What the fuck went on here?”

“Get your fucking hands off of me!” You spat out, tugging your arms, trying to get out of the man’s grip as you grit your teeth, your mind still reeling with everything that was going on.

He stared sternly at you, “You gonna calm down?” When you responded with a more than angered nod, he nodded, releasing your wrists and stepping away, leaning to look at the FEDRA guard still lay at your side. He kicked the guy in the side, and there was no hint of a reaction. “Dead.” He told the woman, Tess, with an odd look on his face.

“Well, shit, kid.” Tess sighed, hands on her hips as she looked at the situation before her. She shook her head with a tut, and approached to have a look at the guard herself. “What happened?”

You just continued baring your teeth, metaphorical hackles raised high, and Tess just responded with a blank look on her face, a dismissive purse to her lips as she moved her gaze over to the man.

He tilted his head, looking between you and the body, “Could’ve been anyone.” He suggested to Tess, rocking his head from side to side in something like deliberation. You stared hard at the two of them, confusion still buzzing through your head.

“Could’ve been.” She agreed.

They shared a look, communicating between only their eyes, and they had no reaction to the way your hands clenched, your head snapping between them. You didn’t know what had happened, couldn’t understand what was going on, and you had no idea who these people were. It really didn't provide any reassurance, and your eyebrows lowered over your eyes, a glare prominent on your features as Tess huffed.

“C’mon, kid.” The man said to you, offering a hand to help you up from the ground. When you stared at him, that glare on your face, he raised his eyebrows in annoyance. “It’s either you come with us, or you’re found here with him and hung. Your choice.” He told you, hand still offered out, and you grit your teeth as you took it, letting him pull you to your feet, and steady you when you stumbled, everything feeling a bit too real.

You focused on where you were going, rather than who was leading you there, as the two of them took you down the fire escape, hurrying you into an open window on the second flight down from the top. You didn’t take any notice of the bloody handprint Tess wiped away after you had managed to get yourself through the gap, instead looking for the doors.

“You can calm down, kid, we ain’t gonna hurt you.” Tess said, sounding snarky as she moved past you to their kitchen, where she helped herself to a glass of illegal alcohol. You raised your eyebrows, knowing that wasn’t a FEDRA-supplied bottle.

You huffed, watching the man look around the area before he shut the window, flicking the lock into place. “Can never be too careful.” You murmured in response.

“Ain’t that the truth.” Tess said, somewhat amused. “I mean if anybody here’s showed some aggression, that’d be you. Gonna tell us what went on up there?” She asked between careful sips from her glass, measured, or maybe, savouring sips.

At her question, your eyebrows furrowed once more, and you pulled your bloodied hands close to your chest, jaw clenched.

“No?” She asked, leaning forward with an expectant expression, and she opened her mouth to ask some more questions, say something else, but the man cut her off.

“Tess,” He warned, eyebrows raised, “Take it easy.” He glanced back to you, to the hands you held close to yourself, and frowned. With a nod of his head, clearly expecting you to follow, he headed down the hallway. You looked at Tess, hesitantly following the man as she nodded with an exasperated scoff.

He opened a door, revealing their bathroom, which had certainly seen better days. You wouldn’t exactly cheer for the bathrooms at FEDRA school, but jesus — at least it was better than what the general public got. “Head on in, clean yourself up. Don’t want anybody seein’ that on you.”

With some reluctance, you kept a hostile expression plastered on your face as you stepped into the bathroom, flicking on the tap in the sink and running your hands under it. Up until that point, you had remained ignorant to the way the blood clung to your skin, sticky and not quite cold, but now there was the opportunity to be rid of it, you became desperate.

The water helped, slightly, but not fast enough for your liking, resorting to the scraping of your dull nails against the drying blood, up until flakes of red started to melt away, colouring the water as it drained.

Their mirror was broken, and you couldn’t have been more glad. You were sure that if it had been there when you glanced up, if you had to look yourself in the face, you would be sick. You didn’t want to face the fact that all of this was real. You had just killed a FEDRA guard.

“Alright, that’s enough of that, now.” The man said, reaching into the sink and pulling your hands away from the stream of water when you ignored him. He shut the tap off, staring at you with that same strange expression, only glancing away to grab the towel that hung over the door. You took it, drying your hands hastily before you shoved it back towards him.

You were shoving past him before he could get another word out, barely even able to grab the towel as you passed it back. He blinked, a frown forming a deeper crease than usual between his brows.

“Listen, I—I really need to get back. Curfew is going to be over soon, I think.” You fumbled around the words, hurrying down the hallway you came from and spinning around in the room to try and reorient yourself. You finally saw the door you believed to be the exit, and headed towards it.

“Well, hold up,” Tess said, frowning and reaching out to you, stepping back with a slight scoff when you moved away from the reaching arms. “Daylight’s gonna break any second, you’d be better off waiting for curfew to be over with. And,” She added, tilting her head at you with a stern look, “You still haven’t told us what went on. We’re covering your ass, right now. If anything goes to shit it’ll be us keeping you safe. You realise that?”

You did realise something — and that was the kind of people you were dealing with. You’d heard from them, and not from the FEDRA teachers, but from other trainees, other students.

When the world went up in flames, FEDRA had been the first to seize onto power, and they held on to the pretence that they had never let go. But the world was still burning, and the people had begun rioting, and there was another opportunity for a power-grab. It was people like this who had taken that opportunity, who had made something of themselves in a world on fire.

You knew then that the way she had likely gotten that bottle of alcohol was through her own network. She was a manipulator, clearly, a blackmailer. She used the resources she had, and she definitely made the most of them. She wasn’t bluffing.

“So, what? I don’t tell you and you sell me out?” You ask, despite knowing the answer. Part of you wants to hear her say it, though, wants to hear the admission of being a bad person. Then again, maybe she was the good guy, you thought, after remembering the blurry image of that guard, lay still on the roof above where you stood.

Tess tilted her head, “Pretty much.”

“Well, fine. Be my guest. As much as I would love to comply with your blackmail, I couldn’t tell you. Don’t have a fucking clue what happened up there. I’d say try asking him, but…” You snarked in response, another bare of your teeth, another raising of your hackles. Tess was looking more frustrated by the moment, if the slight twitch of the skin of her brows said anything. She held herself together pretty well. If it weren’t for the stark difference between times like now and the times of blacked out memories, blurred images, you likely wouldn’t have even noticed. But it was like everything was so clear when you actually looked, and you noticed details that most people wouldn’t.

“Joel,” Tess sighed out, and even the cadence of her voice revealed the annoyance that was growing within her. “Help me out, here?” She asked, because despite every front that the man put up, he was still better with kids than she was. There was something about him, an authority, she wondered, that just made people fess up.

You looked over to the man, to Joel, to see his eyes looking at you with more recognition by the second, a pull to the frown on his lips that suggested he knew something that you didn’t. You weren’t a fan of the look.

He gritted his teeth at the whole situation, his chest aching with familiarity. Joel knew, probably better than anyone, that look in your eye. “I believe her,” Joel answered Tess, hesitantly, rolling his eyes when the two of you immediately looked at him with dumbfounded expressions. “Look, Tess is right. You’re better off sticking ‘round here ‘til curfew drops.” He told you then, his voice gruff as he leaned to look out of the window, seeing the light outside growing brighter each passing minute.

You huffed, but crossed your arms in defeat, shoulders slouching where you stood.

“But remember, you owe us.” Tess said scathingly, a crease running along her forehead before she turned away, heading down the hallway. She pretended that she didn’t hear the way you scoffed at her words.

You and Joel stood opposite each other, the room tense. He cleared his throat, uncrossing his arms so the two of you didn’t mirror each other quite so accurately, and he turned to grab his own glass of booze. “So, uh, you go to school? FEDRA?” He asked, talking over the sound of liquid being poured into his glass.

“Yeah.” You responded lamely, tapping a foot against the floorboards of their apartment, avoiding looking at the man.

“You know the guy, then?” He questioned, eyebrows raised as he turned back around to look at you.

The look you gave him was scathing, but you gritted your teeth and responded anyway, seeing no other choice. “I guess. Gives me— gave me a hard time for dumb things. Don’t know what happened last night, before you ask.” You said, correcting your words to the past tense, and your chest felt hauntingly empty, despite what you had done.

Joel shrugged at you, “Wasn’t goin’ to.” He responded, mouth set in a thin line before he took a long sip from his drink. “Get some rest, kid. Got an hour or so, yet.” He told you, seeing your exhaustion before you had even felt it, apparently.

You blinked at him, surprised. The idea was tempting, you could admit, but it didn’t feel like a good idea to go to sleep around two strangers. At any moment, they could have a change of heart. It was best to stay on guard, to be ready to run at a moment’s notice. That was the way you always played these type of things, and it worked out.

He drained his glass, shrugging at you when you didn’t move to head towards the sofa he had vaguely gestured at, and said, “Suit yourself.” Before he walked down the hallway, following Tess.

You waited there for more than a few minutes, so still, making sure you didn’t make a sound, waiting to hear when one of them would come back to keep an eye on you. You had never felt more confused when they didn’t.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Ever since then, the world seemed to blur around you even more. And despite getting out in the hold at school after getting caught trying to sneak back in, it didn’t deter you, and they didn’t seem to suspect you of anything. You had heard the whispers about the dead FEDRA guard, though.

You tried not to listen.

Instead, you spent even more of your time sneaking out, but allowed that haze to fall over you with even less of a fight each time you went out. It was easier, that way, to let the world fall away and leave you with memories smudged in blood, that you certainly didn’t remember acquiring. Nothing in them was clear, and the cycle of waking up covered in blood didn’t stop.

More often than not, though, it was beginning to be your own blood. Apparently, your hazed self had become terrible at picking the battles you fought, and you’d blinked back to reality more than once when sparring at school, the jolt of pain when somebody caught an injury bringing you back faster than anything else had.

When you blinked back into reality this time, however, it was with warm blood dripping down your face, a hand gripping onto your head and keeping it upright when it began to fall to one side. You didn’t expect to see a familiar face, that was for sure.

“Joel?” You asked, incredulous, your voice slurred as you spoke through blood in your teeth.

“Well, she’s alive.” He said, not to you, barely even acknowledging your questioning tone as he glanced behind him to somebody you couldn’t see. Tess, presumably. “What have you gotten yourself into this time, kid?” He grumbled, voice gruff as he looked over your head for injuries, a grimace on his face at the amount of blood dripping down your temple.

His hand left your head a moment later, and you just about caught the weight of it before your chin could hit your chest, leaning back and settling the crown of your head against what felt like a brick wall.

A hand against your shoulder caught your attention when your eyes had been drifting closed, without you knowing they had even begun to do so, and you blinked them back open. “Jesus, how many times are we gonna have to save your ass?” Tess asked rhetorically, a grimace that matched Joel’s on her face as she looked at the state of you.

“‘M fine.” You grumbled, moving to try and push her hand away but only pulling your hand back with a hiss at the sudden throbbing pain that bloomed in your fingers.

Tess smiled sarcastically, “Yeah, sure you are. Those are broken, by the way.” She said, nodding down to the fingers on your hand which were bloodied and bruised, swollen and now so painful you had to grind your teeth together. Your knuckles were split, and you looked around, seeing no sign of a body, but you couldn’t help wondering what the other guy must look like.

You didn’t say anything else to her, just focusing on keeping your eyes open and attempting to remember whatever had happened to lead you to such a state. Nothing came up.

Even when Joel lifted your arm, hand gripping your wrist tightly as he pulled your elbow around his neck until he was holding most of your weight. He stumbled slightly when you did, and let out a gruff comment about you handling some of your own weight.

You did your best, but he ended up practically carrying you all the way back to their apartment, which was a couple of blocks. You vaguely wondered how they had even come across you, but figured you were in no place to ask questions.

“Remember what happened this time?” Tess asked, opening the door to their shared apartment so Joel could pull you through it, his arms straining to keep you upright. It was a much harder task when you were conscious but barely in control of your own limbs. He had thought about carrying you, but decided that was much too strange.

You shook your head, but realised she was facing away from you, and you hoped Joel hadn’t noticed your mistake. “Not a fucking clue.” You slurred out, tongue feeling heavy in your mouth as it tried to spell out the words.

Joel huffed out a breath through his nose as he set you down against their couch, his shoulders slouching as he finally relaxed his muscles, feeling a distant ache in his arm from being so tensed. He went down the hallway a second later, disappearing from your view.

“You are one lucky kid.” Tess drawled, the scene so familiar to the first time you met the two of them, as she held a glass of alcohol loosely in her hand. Distantly, you wondered if they had a glass every day, and if that meant they had shitloads of the stuff stored away somewhere, but decided you probably shouldn’t be thinking about it.

You scoffed, brows furrowed in aggravation despite the fact they had probably saved your lives. “Yeah, lucky. Sure.” You said, likely the clearest you had been able to speak since you’d woken up. Or become aware. You weren’t really sure which was more accurate.

Tess smiled, a sarcastic one that was full of humour and annoyance, “Oh, you don’t think so? Should we think about what could’ve happened if somebody else had found you there?” She asked, eyebrows raised, and you grit your teeth to stay silent.

You, better than anyone, knew what could’ve happened. You knew what people in this QZ — hell, in this world, — were capable of. So maybe you were lucky that Joel and Tess had found you, considering that they hadn’t ratted you in to FEDRA just yet, but you knew that the one thing this world would never generate is trust. They could be just as bad, or worse, as anyone else who might have discovered you there, bloody, injured, and completely unaware.

After all, you were at their apartment, with no idea why.

“She knows, Tess,” Joel grumbled, reappearing from the hallway and looking just as unhappy as ever. He sighed, drawn out and heavier than you had expected, and held up a wet cloth. “Come on, kid, get yourself cleaned up.” He handed it over to you, and ushered Tess to follow him back down the hallway, where they spoke in harshly whispered voices.

You wiped the side of your face, getting rid of the sticky blood that was coming from the side of your head. It was kind of difficult to do with no mirror, but you wiped as much of it off as you could get to before you stopped, breathing through the pain in your head, your fingers, the left side of your chest. You grimaced as you tried to wipe blood away from your split knuckles, your broken fingers. It hurt, and it was too real of a pain.

You paused when you heard Tess’s voice raise, “She’s going to get us caught, or killed, Joel!” She said, before her tone lowered once more, further discussion happening between them. You wondered what they could be talking about — they held no obligation to pick you up off of the streets. They didn’t owe you anything. As far as you were concerned, you didn’t owe them anything, either. Everything they had done was of their own volition, meaning you hadn’t forced them into anything.

For whatever reason, they felt the need to help you. You couldn’t pretend to understand it, but you did know that this couch was much more comfortable than the stones of whatever street you had been lay on were.

Joel came down the hall soon enough, a crease between his brows, and he grunted when he saw the poor job you had done of cleaning yourself up. “Get to the bathroom, kid. We’ll patch you up there.”

“Why?” You asked, before you could help yourself. They didn’t need to be doing this, so why were they? Tess was right, you were only a danger to whatever operation they had going on, so why?

“It’s either that or you carry on bleeding out on our couch.” Tess called out, rustling through something as soon as she emerged from the hallway, busying herself in drawers and cupboards.

You figured it’d be in your best interest to not bleed out on their couch.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Weirdly, it was the fourth time you ran into Joel and Tess that everything seemed to fall into place. Except this time, it was you doing just that, running into them. Or more accurately, him.

You had hit against shoulders in your fast pace, sending various people tumbling backwards or stepping out of your path. Helpful for you, yes, but also helpful for the group chasing you. You tried not to look back, but the footsteps chasing you were growing louder and you had to know how close they were.

One look over your shoulder led to you colliding with somebody, and you cursed as it sent you spilling to the floor at their side. With a scathing glare on your face, your heart going a mile a minute, you looked up to see none other than Joel fucking Miller.

“You’ve gotta be kiddin’ me.” Joel murmured, eyes wide as he looked to where you had fallen after running into him. The alarm in your eyes made him move to face where you were looking, and there were three of Robert’s goons. He noticed, quickly, the knife that one of them was holding.

Without a second thought, he stepped between you and the group approaching, his hands clenching into fists as he grit his teeth. He wasn’t good at negotiating, at talking — that was more of Tess’s side of the deal. If it came to it, though, he could take on these fools. And he could play it off as if he was defending himself from the knife they were carrying, if need be.

They sputtered to a stop in front of him, a wary look exchanged between the two men, as the woman behind glared daggers at him. “Come on, Miller, move outta the way.” The man holding the knife said, tilting his head to one side as if that was going to make Joel listen to his directions.

Joel’s eyebrows set lower on his face as he looked back to you, with your wide eyes, and the way you scrambled up to stand just behind him. He huffed, a tired sigh leaving him, and turned back to the goons.

“Not happening.”

The three of them scoffed, incredulous, and the woman stepped forward with a sneer on her face. “What? You some kinda saviour now, Miller? Gonna start defending all the helpless little girls?” She said, voice venomous, but she stepped back when Joel went to move forward.

You, however, were not having that.

“Helpless?” You questioned, a scathing heat burning its way down your throat, “I’d like to see you go and ask your boss how helpless I am.”

Joel’s hand blocking your path stopped you from stepping towards the woman, your teeth bared at her, but you remained behind the man. You may not like listening to him, but he seemed to know what he was doing far more than you did.

“You bitch,” The final man said, no weapon held in his hand, but there was something dark about him that even Joel could see. Joel pushed against you, putting you further behind him as the man stepped forward. “When I—”

Joel’s eyes darkened considerably, and he knew from the expressions on the group’s faces that they had seen his face harden. “When you what?” He asked, looking down at the group before him, something violent in his words, as if daring the man to finish his sentence, to say something that Joel didn’t like, to give him the excuse.

“Can’t you just mind your own goddamn business, Miller?” The one with the knife asked, his lips drawn back in what was almost a snarl as he tried to catch a good look at you from around Joel’s shoulder.

“This is my goddamn business. Now run yourselves back to Robert before this gets out of hand.” Joel said, the threat in his words clear despite him having said nothing particularly violent. It was explicit in his tone, apparently. His gruff words were somewhat of a comfort to you, though, a slight relief that you could stop running, for now. You were also hoping that this meant your messed up shoulder would be your only injury of the day.

“Are you having a fucking laugh?” The woman asked, incredulous, as she stared at where Joel stood tall in front of you.

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” Joel asked, being met with nothing but deadly silence. You peeked around his arm to see the three of them looking like fools in front of him, their cocky, entitled attitudes falling apart under the weight of his words. The three of them shared a glance, gritted teeth and angered glares, and looked to Joel with a more than annoyed expression.

The man with no weapon caught sight of you looking around Joel, and pointed his hand at you, “Just you fucking wait.” He threatened, putting his hand down when Joel’s shoulders straightened, his legs moving to take a step towards the man, who quickly backed away alongside his two companions. They left without another word, throwing angry looks over their shoulders until they disappeared out of sight, at which point Joel turned to you.

“How is it that I always find myself savin’ your ass?” Joel asked, mostly to himself, as he looked at where you stood, a hand holding your other and close to your chest. He sighed, heavily, “You hurt?”

“I’ve been worse.” You admitted, though Joel knew better than anyone. He could see on your face that the swelling from around your black eye hadn’t long faded to almost normal, he could see the stitched cut along the back of your forearm, could see the way you winced as you attempted to shrug, give up halfway.

Joel nodded, studying you for a moment, his eyes drawn to the way your clothes had been ripped after your fall to the ground. He frowned. It was getting colder as the days went on, and he was already sceptical about the lack of layers you wore. He huffed out another sigh, a frown pinched between his eyebrows, and looked back down the street to ensure the goons hadn’t decided to come back. When the coast was clear, he turned back to you where you stood almost nervously, and he realised this was the first time he had seen you out during the day time. Every other time he had discovered you it had been the midst of the night.

“C’mon, let’s get back.” He murmured, keeping the mean look on his face in case anybody else came after you. For once, you didn’t say anything, just following along at Joel’s side, wincing every time you moved your arm.

“I remember what happened this time,” You offered, when the two of you finally reached Joel and Tess’s shared apartment, with you taking your seat on their couch with a half-repressed sigh. Your feet were aching, and your shoulder was killing, but at least you could rest here for a while.

Joel looked up from his rummaging at that, surprised by not only what you said, but the fact that you had said it at all. Each time, one of them prompted you for information, and you never remembered. Or you weren’t willing to share the small details you did recall. It was strange for you to offer such information to him. “Yeah?” He prompted absently, continuing to look through drawers after his slight pause.

“Yeah,” You answered as you raised an eyebrow at his actions, wondering what he could be searching for. Before you could lose your nerve, you continued, “Got into some stupid business with some guy called Robert, and then he tried to rip me off. I got kicked outta school trying to get what he needed, too.” You scoffed as you spoke, paying less attention to Joel’s reaction and focusing more on your annoyance at the whole situation. “I just… got angry, started hittin’ the guy. Then ran away, and they started chasing me.”

“What were you goin’ into business with him for?” Joel asked after you had finished, his eyebrows creased together. Robert had a way of getting to old world stuff, but everyone knew he was dodgy. Often times, it was double-sold, or broken. He was a scammer, and that was coming from Joel, who had upped prices to ridiculous amounts on the shit he and Tess smuggled in, per her order, of course.

You huffed, “I dunno, just wanted something. Doesn’t matter, anyway. He didn’t have it.”

“Well, you tell me what it is and I’ll see what I can do.” Joel offered, unsure as to why. He hated himself for doing this, for letting you in, for feeling some inexplicable reason to help you each time you were hurt. He couldn’t understand it. Perhaps, he could say you reminded him of someone who’s name he refused to speak, but that wasn’t right. You shared very few similarities with her, in fact, Joel would argue that you looked more like him. That lost look in your eyes, the blurred vision you saw through when he found you covered in blood, the memories lost to bloodshed… it was like looking in a mirror.

He felt some sort of responsibility towards you — as if helping you could heal his own wounds. Joel figured he should’ve known by now that something like that would never work.

Perhaps, he just wished that someone could’ve pulled him out of that state, when he was in it. He couldn’t say your reasons for being like this, hell, it could just be a product of the apocalyptic world you lived in, but he figured that one day, you’d grow to be like him. And god, he was hoping that you could avoid it. So if him helping you could do that, could steer your path away from seeing him in your reflection, he’d do it.

“I said it didn’t matter.” You responded, snappily. Clearly whatever you had been after was personal, held close to your chest. He couldn’t blame you for not wanting to reveal it.

Joel said nothing for a moment, but looked at you from where he stood across the room. “You got kicked outta school?” He asked, instead of pressing the subject. He saw a weight lift off of your shoulder at the change in topic.

“Yeah, got caught sneaking out too many times. Said I must have some place else to go, and that I’m old enough to know what the fuck I’m doing.” You said, rolling your eyes at the memory. You weren’t all too bothered about it. Learning about the world through a government’s perception wasn’t all that mind blowing, and you hated drills. You didn’t want to be a FEDRA soldier. So, in reality, it was quite the gift.

You had to think that way, too stubborn to remember how your father had always talked about you going to those kind of schools, about you getting an education that was more than him just pointing out words and teaching you basic math. He had never quite understood that you learned more from him than you would from anybody else.

Joel’s eyebrows pinched, a look that was almost concern shining through his eyes. “You’re just a kid.” He said, having no reaction to the way you glared at him.

“I can take care of myself.” You told him, firmly, trying your best not to think about how many times he and Tess had pulled you out of shit, likely saving your life. It didn’t matter. At the end of the day, all you had was yourself.

“Where are you staying?” He asked, eyebrows raised at you, as if he was proving his point by asking it, especially when you didn’t answer immediately. All orphans went to FEDRA school, until they were old enough to get sent to a position as a guard or they were kicked back out to the street. He knew you weren’t old enough to be put in that position just yet. After all, FEDRA didn’t allocate housing to people of your age.

You looked to your hand in your lap, picking at the blood still stuck underneath your nails. “Not important.”

“No?” Joel asked, just a hint away from mockingly. You furrowed your brows at him, a frown pulling at your lips in defence.

“No.” You answered.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You think now, that you would have never been in this situation if you hadn’t accepted Joel’s insistence that you stay with him and Tess. It had gotten to a point of normalcy, something so close to domestic that it had you sneaking out of their apartment, up the fire escape back to the roof where it all began to unravel, all those nights ago.

The stain of blood on the ground is still there, and you had been staring at it long enough that you were starting to miss where it began and ended. You still couldn’t pull the memories from that night from your skull, and you were starting to think they weren’t in there at all.

It had all led you to here, to where you sat, legs swinging over the edge of the air-conditioning unit on the roof of the building. Or at least, that’s what Joel told you these things were. You frowned at the memory.

You hated the way you had let all of this happen, had let yourself get closer to the people who seemed to always be there. They were more present in your life than any other figure, even before you moved in with them. It had seemed as if you only woke up from your haze when they pulled you out of it. You couldn’t begin to understand why, and honestly, you didn’t really want to.

All you knew was that this was exhausting. You had been present for the longest time you could remember since before your father had… well, since before everything changed. And it was all because there was a ball of anxiety in your chest, hammering loudly within the beat of your heart.

Maybe it was selfish, or foolish, maybe it was both, to feel so dejected over something that should be good. But it was all feeling too familial for your liking, and it was like a constant waiting game, constantly wondering when the other shoe would drop. There had to be some sort of catch, something would surely go wrong, because life with Joel and Tess was becoming too comfortable. You should’ve been happy for it. Perhaps any other kid your age would have been, but all you could think of was the time before Boston.

Images of a house, a father who cared about you, who bought you paints and brushes even when that would have been better spent on new boots for himself. You could remember the way the sole had been peeling away when you had last seen him, remember the way he had yelled at you, begged you to leave him behind.

Sure, you had listened, had walked away from him slumped against the wall of a decrepit convenience store, but you had never truly left him behind. All the times you had spent in Boston, in a subconscious state, there had been no more memories. Before Tess and Joel, the most vivid thing you could recall was your dad.

If you closed your eyes, shut out the image of the blood staining concrete, and focused hard enough, you could hear his laugh. Reluctant laughter was something you had often drawn out of him, because he found the only joy he had left in the world within you. But there was always that nagging worry, at the very back of his mind, reminding him that things weren’t okay.

Hell, the whole reason he had insisted upon leaving the house where you had spent most of your life was because he believed you would be safer in Boston, in a QZ rather than a small community with not enough firepower to cope with any hordes.

He’d been a firm man, with a furrow between his brows that you could now see in Joel’s face, and you hated it. Your dad had given up everything for you. Why were you seeing similarities between him and Joel?

“Come on, it’s time to get going!” Tess called to you, dragging you from where you were trying to conjure up an image of your dad that wasn’t his last moments. You huffed, pushing off of the air conditioning unit, and headed down the fire escape, taking your backpack from Tess where she held it out to you.

It hadn’t been your choice to go along with Joel and Tess, more of an order, given that they didn’t want to leave you alone at their apartment. They were running low on ration cards, not enough for you to survive alone, especially if anything went wrong. That was the whole purpose of their trip, they had told you, to get something they could trade for more cards. The two of them hadn’t explained to you the radio and music catalogue that sat in their apartment, but you had figured out that it must’ve been some sort of communication system. If you were going to go off of the way Joel’s head had snapped up when some song you didn’t recognise came on.

The three of you were setting off the next day, so it must’ve meant something to them.

Joel had said something about you being in for some kind of treat, assuring you that the trip would be worth it, despite the way you remained unconvinced. You didn't want to leave the QZ again, but part of you, that stupid childish part, was curious.

So you followed them.

You were quiet most of the trip, despite Joel trying to encourage conversation with you, a crease of concern to his face the more checked out you became.

In your own defence, you seemed to be on guard well enough when you retreated to that state where it wasn’t really you, and the whole trip was too familiar. If you didn’t focus hard enough on your surroundings, you would wake up and be with your father again, or you’d lack attention and hear that gunshot as you walked away.

It was easier this way. Safer.

You also didn’t expect for Joel or Tess to notice anything different, but then you were blinking back into reality some time later, though you couldn’t tell how much. Joel’s face was in front of your own, his eyebrows furrowed, expression angrier than you had seen it in a while.

Looking around the area, over Joel’s shoulder, you saw a burning building some ways behind him, and your eyebrows raised in surprise. “What happened there?” You asked, your throat sore as you said it, your chest aching, and you were more confused than anything else at the sensation.

“What were you thinking?” Joel seethed, seemingly becoming angrier at your question, and you tried not to pay the emotion any mind. You looked around again, squinting your eyes and catching sight of Tess stood before the building, her gun raised to the doorway as if expecting something to come out of the blaze. “Huh?” He questioned, drawing your attention back.

“What are you talking about?” You asked, getting more confused by the second. You looked down to where your fingers were apparently covered in soot, and slowly connected that with the burning building across the way. “Wait, did I—”

“You can’t check out like that! You’re gonna get yourself killed.” Joel said, and you felt his hand squeeze your shoulder far more gently than the way he was speaking. He seemed… frantic, almost. You frowned, because nobody had ever really noticed you blanking out before, or at least, nobody had ever said anything to you about it.

Your awareness came back to you fully then, and you could feel the heat from the fire even all the way over here, so you couldn’t imagine the heat Tess was feeling. With a huffed breath, you pulled yourself to your feet, shrugging Joel’s hand off when he tried to help you as you stumbled slightly. Your bag felt lighter than it had before, but at least you still had it.

Joel grumbled, his hard expression unchanging as he turned away from you to go and grab Tess, nodding at you to follow them as you hurried away from the burning building, blinking as you tried to remember what had happened.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Arriving at Bill and Frank’s compound was… overwhelming. Which was probably the biggest understatement ever.

Tess and Joel didn’t think it pertinent to tell you where you were headed before leaving Boston, and you weren’t all that well versed in where smugglers got their items to smuggle. You figured it would be some run down place, that was mostly untouched by the outbreak.

You didn’t expect this.

Initially, it reminded you of the small community you had lived in with your father, all that time ago. Though this place was guarded much better, with that electric fence that Joel warned you away from. The houses looked good, and there was one down the street, with a wide porch and old kids toys piled in the garden, which made your heart clench.

You wanted to retreat back into yourself, to hide in that haze, to let the blanket of emptiness cover you, but then Frank was emerging from the doorway of their house, his grip tight on a walking stick, but his smile was wide. He was tailed by Bill, whose hands hovered hesitantly as he followed Frank.

“Tess! Joel!” Frank called, and held his arms out for Tess when she approached, sharing a hug like they were family. You were pretty sure that they were just friends, had no connection before the outbreak. It was strange, really, to think of hugging someone that wasn’t a relation. Or perhaps it was the caring part of it that had your brows creased. “And who’s this?” He asked, smiling at you.

With a nod from Joel, you introduced yourself to the man, trying not to shrink into yourself at his cheerful demeanour, and the suspicious glances of Bill from beside him.

“Bill, it’s fine,” Frank sighed, a roll of his eyes as he turned to the man. “Go get started on dinner! We’re going to sit out here, while the weather is nice.”

Bill grumbled, eyes darting between the three of you and the man he loved, but he turned with a resigned sigh. Frank grinned, a fond look on his face.

Tess busied herself setting the table, ignoring the way Frank scolded her for doing his job, only shooting him an exasperated smile. After a moment, Frank realised there were only four chairs set around the small garden table.

“Oh, I think there’s another in my art room.” He said, as he looked between you and the four chairs.

Unable to help yourself, “You have an art room?” You asked, which was probably the most you had spoken for the past few days. You ignored the way Joel seemed to perk up at your words, a glance going between him and Tess.

Frank smiled. He seemed to do a lot of that. “You wanna have a look?” He asked kindly, nodding his head and starting towards the house.

“Go on.” Joel encouraged with his monotone murmur. You hesitantly followed Frank into the house.

You didn’t look around much, instead opting to focus on keeping close to the man in front of you. If you looked to closely, you think you might see similarities to the home you had with your dad, and after already shutting down once on this journey, you figured that Joel wouldn’t be too pleased if you did it again.

It was wracking your nerves, the closer you got to Frank’s art room. You wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, not even your father, had he been here, but you were scared. You had gotten so good at removing yourself from a multitude of situations, but the concept of art had you grounded in place no matter how much you might have wanted to fade back into your mind. You can remember nights spent staying up late, dipping brushes in colours that resembled the world around you almost too accurately. The gentle swipe of paint across paper, canvas, walls, wood — whatever your father could give you, at the time.

It was the best thing you had.

You realise, now, that you had been escaping from the world for your whole life. Only back then, it had been to nicer lands, beauty put down on different mediums so you could physically touch it, could know it was true, it was real. The only thing that had changed was your method of escaping, really. Where you had once clambered for colours and depictions of the world in a different light, you now escaped to the very depths of your mind, hidden deep under sadness and fear and loneliness. Somewhere that you couldn’t be disturbed, wouldn’t have to think about the world and what it had taken from you.

You’re scared of wanting that old method of escape back.

When you enter the art room, you know your fear is valid. You know that the longing you have for paints and pencils and whatever supplies your father could get his hands on was back, or perhaps it was just the longing for your father returning full force from where you had buried it. Whatever it might have been, it was overwhelming.

It made everything feel like it meant more. Like the careful brushes of meticulously selected colours on white canvases was personal to you.

Frank’s art was covering the entire room, a stack of empty canvases in one corner, dwarfed by the amount of wooden frames that had sketched or painted pictures stretched over them. It was bright in here, the colours seemingly glowing from the light that was shining through the large windows, looking out on parts of the garden.

“This one isn’t finished,” Frank said, his voice quiet, and you looked to where you had forgotten he was standing. He leant heavily on his walking stick, gesturing with his free hand toward a canvas stood upon an easel — the first easel you had seen. When your dad first encouraged your interest in art, he had told you all about what his time in art class at school had been like. He’d told you about the easels, the shitty school paints — which were heavenly compared to what yours had been like — and his own art teacher. But easels weren’t the most common thing, and so you had never used one.

The painting that stood upon the strange-looking three legged stand looked like the beginnings of Bill’s face, blue eyes surrounded by carefully mixed colours to bring about the contours of the man’s skin. It was much better than anything you had ever painted.

“Have you ever painted?” Frank asked, after a few moments of hesitation. He’d lived in the apocalyptic world, too, but he hadn’t grown up in it. The man had more awareness than you expected, given his presence in such a protected home, but you supposed that if he knew Tess and Joel, it made sense that he would be sensitive of the world’s horrors.

You looked at the paintbrushes set out to dry beside an open window, and quickly drew your gaze away. “Yeah,” You responded, voice uncharacteristically gentle. You cleared your throat, annoyed at your own involuntary vulnerability. “My dad used to get paints, before I got to Boston.”

If Frank noticed your choice of pronoun ‘I’ and not ‘we’, he didn’t comment on it. He let your words settle for a moment, and you realised this was probably the most open you had been, the most you had spoken of your life before Boston. It was almost… sad. You think your dad would’ve loved Bill and Frank’s home, and the knowledge that nobody else would ever be able to consider what he would like was a painful admission.

“Well, I’m sure you could take some back with you.” Frank offered, a gentle smile on his face. He seemed to know more than he let on, even when your words were limited and he didn’t know you, hadn’t even met you before today.

You tried to brush your discomfort away, tried to unwind the stiffness to your shoulders. “That’s okay.” You said, fiddling with a button on your jacket as you took one more glance around the room, an uncomfortable tightening in your throat. “We’d better get back.” You prompted, walking to the chair in front of the easel and picking it up, gesturing for Frank to lead the way back to the garden.

“You alright?” Joel asked quietly as you set the chair down by his side, taking a seat in it a moment after as Frank and Tess began chatting away.

“I’m fine.” You snapped.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was on the way back from Bill and Frank’s that everything seemed to go wrong. For this portion of the journey, you made sure to cling on to every slither of awareness you had, digging your claws into consciousness and not letting go. You wouldn’t admit it, but the whole situation on the way there had shaken you.

You supposed it was different to the way blanking out in the QZ had been. After all, there was a certain amount of control in the QZ, much less of a wild factor than there was in the outside world. You could anticipate everything that you might come into contact with at the QZ, and each time, nothing was scary enough for you to even consider holding on to consciousness. Out in the real world, that was very different.

Despite travelling in it to the Quarantine Zone, there wasn’t a whole lot of that you could remember after the incident with your father. Everything was unpredictable, out here, and you were foolish to forget that. Especially after what it cost you the first time.

There may have been something else, though, something that had your fingers grasping onto reality so tightly you didn’t think you would ever let go. And that was the fact that it wasn’t just yourself that you were putting in danger, anymore, but Tess and Joel, too. And would you ever be able to forgive yourself if you came to awareness, just to see their blood on your hands? To find their bodies lay still? To be at fault once again for killing the only people left in the world that would see you safe? You could pretty confidently say no, you would never be able to forgive such a thing.

Even with your best attempts to cling on to your own awareness, it was clear that Joel and Tess didn’t quite trust your efforts. Given the fact that they refused to let you take a watch when night fell early, stopping to wait the darkness out just over halfway back to the Zone. Tess had already taken first watch, shaking Joel awake despite your offer to watch the area for him, so it was just you and Joel, Tess’s breaths long-since evened out.

“You can get some rest, y’know.” Joel said, his voice low to avoid waking Tess. You were well aware that she was a light sleeper, though you couldn’t blame her. It was the apocalypse, after all. Besides, it wasn’t like you were able to catch much sleep, too hyper focused on staying present to drift even into slumber, fearing you wouldn’t become conscious afterwards, fearing you would just wake.

“‘M fine, Joel.” You grumbled in response, eyes flitting around the rustling grass surrounding you, as if something was going to jump out at any moment.

Joel huffed, something between exasperation and vague amusement in it, and shook his head. “Sure, you are, kid.” He responded, adjusting his grip on the gun and resigning himself to the fact that you were going to stay up, no matter what he said. “Not gonna let anythin’ hurt you, you do know that, right?” He asked, after a long pause, and ignored the unpleasant way your face twisted.

“Why do you two help me? I don’t get it. Not done anything to help you, so why?” You questioned, instead of answering his question, too desperate to know to avoid the opening in the conversation. Joel sighed, a roll of his eyes, a deflection, as always.

“So impossible to believe that we could just be good people?” Joel replied, after your expectant silence lingered on uncomfortably. He shuffled, pausing when Tess moved, but only turned in her sleep.

You huffed, and Joel tried to ignore the way he was sure it sounded just like him. “Yes, it is impossible to believe that. You found me after I…” You paused, unsure how to go about admitting something you didn’t even remember. “After that FEDRA guard. Good people wouldn’t help me, after seeing that.”

“Been in your shoes, kid.” Joel said, at last, and you furrowed your brows at his answer. And the nickname he had taken to calling you. Joel didn’t exactly want to talk about it, both for the unpleasantness he had experienced and the worry that you’d retreat if he was honest. He could barely even explain the why to himself, so he had no idea how he could formulate it into words to tell you. “Not a good place to be, even worse if you’re alone.” He admitted, though he hadn’t been alone for as long as he could remember. There had always been Tommy, and after Tommy there was Sarah, and then his brother returned, but even then — he had Tess. But despite all that company, Joel knew exactly how it felt to be isolated, to be alone in your situation, to feel no other option than to retreat into yourself to get through the day.

He wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, let alone you.

You wanted to deny it, to tell Joel that you weren’t alone. That you already had a family you loved, that you already had a dad who cared about you, but what could you say? The truth was, he was gone.

“Get some sleep.” Joel said, dismissing the conversation before you could figure out anything to say. You just frowned at him, staring at him like his expression held all the answers, but as always, Joel revealed nothing. No reasoning, no answers, nothing. Finally, you turned away from him, resting your head against your backpack, eyes remaining open so you could keep an eye on the forest ahead of you for the last few hours of the night.

When the light finally a swept the last of the darkness away, the three of you set off again. Now, you were at the final stretch of your journey — so close to the QZ you could almost smell the pungent scent of fire and unrest. You never thought you’d be glad to see the decimated land around the Boston zone, but here you were, five steps ahead of Tess and Joel, who shared secret glances, communicating in a language you couldn’t understand.

They joined your side when you paused, waiting for them, just along the edge of where FEDRA usually patrolled. You looked to the two adults expectantly, not sure where you’d be entering the Zone, and figuring you must’ve been out of it if they had ever actually told you that part.

Now this, this was where it all went downhill.

“On your knees.” A voice from behind the three of you said, and you recognised the sound of a familiar FEDRA officer, from your time spent as a trainee. You just hoped he wouldn’t remember you. “I said, get on your knees!” He repeated, when the three of you had hesitated a moment too long, stepping forward and jabbing the end of his gun into the back of your knee. You grit your teeth as your knees buckled from the hit, dropping to the ground with your hands raised. You watched Joel and Tess follow when the guard moved towards them. Joel’s jaw was clenched.

“We’re just lookin’ to get to the QZ, man, that’s all.” Tess said, keeping her hands in the air and her head tilted as she tried to negotiate, as usual.

“Just a precaution, ma’am.” The guard responded, a snark to his voice. Despite what he said, when you first arrived to the QZ, there was no precautions this far out. In fact, it was only when you stalked towards the gate that guns were trained on you, your wrists bound until they got you through the main gate to test you.

He was patting down Tess, and you would’ve sworn you could hear Joel grinding his teeth together, clenching his jaw shut so tightly you wouldn’t have been surprised if it had broken. Meanwhile, you focused on trying to remember the name of the guard, trying to recall his temperament, whether he was easily swayed. You blinked your eyes shut, trying to see through the haze that clouded your memories as the guy moved on to Joel, but without seeing the guy’s face, it was too difficult.

“What kinda QZ has precautions this far out?” Joel grumbled as the guard moved along, checking the distance towards the gate with squinted eyes, and trying his best not to clench his fists as the guard moved towards you.

“You born yesterday, man? World’s fucked.” The guard answered, stepping away from you and moving to go around to see the front of the three of you. “Well, I never.” He chuckled, catching sight of your face as it fell, finally putting the voice to the face as you looked at him. “Don’t recall seeing your name on the exist list, trainee.” FEDRA had a bunch of awful guards, but this guy… Jerry, you were pretty fucking sure, was amongst the worst of them.

“Not a trainee, anymore.” You bit out in response, practically feeling the two adults beside you tensing up at the FEDRA guard’s recognition of you. “You even know my name, Jerry?” You asked, tilting your head upwards with your best reinvention of the careless expression that used to rile the man up so much.

He smiled, a grin full of rotten teeth and breath that stung your eyes as he leaned towards you. You resisted the urge to throw up over his shoes as he said your name, proving your hopeful taunt incorrect.

“Alright, now, no need for trouble.” Joel said placatingly, trying to keep the grimace off of his face in exchange for a more… reasonable expression. “We ain’t Infected, just a couple of folks tryin’ to be on their way.”

“Shut your mouth, and mind your business, fella.” Jerry spat towards Joel, before he looked back to you, a grin on that ugly face. “I’ve been trying to get the dirt to have you hung for months, now. Unauthorised exit? Well, that ought’a do it.” He said, morbid amusement dancing across his face. You just bared your teeth at him, a sarcastic expression donning your features.

“Careful, Jerry. You’re soundin’ awfully obsessed. Didn’t they out you for that, once already?” You asked, sarcastically, recalling the way he had been shamed outright by a higher up for getting on the trainee’s cases too much. FEDRA was strict already, so if he was getting publicly scolded for his obsessive behaviour, you figured it must’ve been bad.

You saw the way Joel was tensed up out of the corner of your eye, but didn’t dare turn to look at him, or even attempt to see how Tess was fairing.

It was when Jerry reared back, his rotten teeth bared, a sneer pulling at his features, that you saw Joel move. He’d noticed a second before you did, the way that the FEDRA guard was reaching for his smaller weapon, his handgun, barely getting it out of the holster before Joel was launching up and forwards, pushing Jerry and falling alongside him as they rolled down the slight slope to go towards the QZ gate.

“Joel!” Tess yelled out, a curse falling from her lips as she grabbed the stuff that Jerry had been attempting to confiscate before realising who you were. She dug through her bag, looking for her own gun, too risky to have it on her person this close to the QZ for this goddamn reason. You glanced between her searching frantically and the duo fighting slightly below you, before you caught a glint of metal in one of their hands. Did Joel have a knife? Did he have a knife, or was that Jerry’s? Was Jerry about to fucking stab Joel, who had tackled him to protect you?

You stumbled down the slight decline after the two of them, just as Jerry was catching the upper hand, something red trickling down his sleeve. You pulled the very gun he had tried to pull on you from its holster at his side, before he could even react to you having moved from where you were. He was slow, this guy, but that didn’t mean he was incapable. He was freakishly strong, and he bared bloody teeth at you as he moved to swing the blade in his hands down.

A crack interrupted his movements, blood dancing a crimson path down the side of his forehead.

Jerry’s body slumped backwards, falling away from where he had been about to fucking kill Joel Miller, all for what? His helmet made a dull thunk against the ground as it connected, and Joel was groaning, shoving the deadweight off of him with a bit of a struggle.

“The fuck were you thinking?” Tess asked, grasping onto Joel’s shoulders to help him up, only for him to hiss and pull away, and you vaguely saw Tess’s hand covered in a sticky sheen of blood that had leaked through the material of Joel’s jacket. “Jesus, Joel, you could’ve gotten yourself killed.” She scolded, pulling the jacket away and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt to look at the wound. She dug through her bag to pull a few rags out of it, pressing the material against the fucking stab wound, and waiting for Joel’s steady hand to take over before she moved away. “Come on, we can’t wait around. If they’re patrolling this far out, something must’ve gone down, and I doubt anyone’s far enough to have not heard that.” She said, nodding pointedly towards the gun gripped tightly in your fingers.

At her reminder, you shivered, taking the knife from Jerry’s limp hand and replacing it with the gun. You wiped the blood — Joel’s blood — off of the blade onto the side of your jacket, before shoving it back in its place on Jerry’s vest, which you hadn’t even realised was there. You wondered if Joel knew, before he decided to attack him.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

You blinked, and realised you were already back at the apartment you stayed in with Joel and Tess.

Joel was sat at the table, med kit set out open in front of him, with Tess being nowhere in sight. He barely spared you a glance as you stood up from the sofa you didn’t remember sitting on, your brows furrowed as you looked around the room, as if the answers—the memories—you wanted would be revealed.

“She went to trade what we managed to get from Bill and Frank’s.” Joel told you, not even looking in your direction as he focused on fixing himself up. He had the rag in his hand once again, wiping at the blood still trickling from his wound. You wondered if Tess didn’t tell you where she was going, or if Joel just knew you weren’t present if she did.

You didn’t even know what had sent you back to the depths of your mind, this time. Was it shooting Jerry? Killing somebody whilst actually being fully responsible for your actions? Was it his threats about getting you hung? Or was it that very wound that Joel was tending to right now? The fact that once again, somebody got hurt, and it was your fault?

“Can you hand me the, uh…” Joel trailed off, gesturing over towards the counter where amber liquid sat in a glass bottle. You went over and grabbed it, placing it down on the table in front of Joel far harsher than you realised you were going to. You hadn’t quite noticed the way anger, or something defensive at least, had settled in your chest, stirring that brimming pot of guilt until it was almost flowing over the edges. “Thanks.” Joel said gruffly, splashing some of the booze onto the rag and pressing it to his shoulder.

You stared at him, waiting for him to say something, to explain himself, but he made no move to do so.

“What is wrong with you?” You said, finally, your voice loud and echoing around the barely furnished room, like it had burst from your chest, like you had no choice in the matter.

“Got stabbed, in case you didn’t notice.” Joel quipped, which seemed even further out of character for him. You vaguely wondered if you had just lost your mind, if this was all some made up scenario playing out in your head.

“Why did you attack him? He didn’t attack you, I—I don’t understand!” You told him, gritting your teeth when Joel just continued tending to his wound, not acknowledging your questioning. Part of you wished Tess was here so she could dismiss you before you could continue, but she was clearly nowhere nearby, given that she hadn’t burst into the room to stop any conflict. “Joel, answer me.”

He finally looked up, shaking his head. “What do you want me to say, huh? Somebody’s gotta protect you! Lord knows you don’t do it yourself! Rilin’ that guard up— it was reckless. He could’ve killed you, kid, and what would I have done then?” Joel questioned, his voice louder than your own, a booming thing that had you wanting to retreat. You refused, pushing it down in favour of the confrontation that you’d been putting off for months, by now.

“I can take care of myself.” You answered, spitting the words out like there was a semblance of truth to them. “I’m not your goddamn kid, Joel, there are plenty of other strays you could help out if I had died.” You continued, throwing the nickname back in his face, watching the way he recoiled, something unfamiliar flashing in his eyes.

“Now, you listen—”

He tried to say, only to be interrupted by you continuing on. “No! You’re not my dad, Joel! I already had a dad, okay? I had a dad, and he’s dead, and that’s on me. I won’t go through that again. You gotta stop puttin’ your life on the line for me!”

“Kid…” Joel trailed, the confession not exactly surprising him, but he felt a twinge in his chest nonetheless. He had figured all of this was catalysed by some kind of loss, just going by his own experience with the matter, but he had never known for sure. You were closed off — another way you were just so similar to him, and you’d never spoken about any family.

You closed your eyes, tears brimming in the edges, slipping down your face, and you wiped them away with a rough swipe of your sleeve against your skin. “You don’t understand. It was my fault. If it weren’t for me, he’d—… Every day I’ve been here, I’ve just been wishing we could’ve swapped places, wishing that he was here instead of me, because I can’t do this without my dad. But—But he could’ve, without me.”

“When my Sarah died,” Joel started, gritting his teeth against the pain in his chest that just her name brought. “I gave up. I—I lost any will to live, I prayed that it wasn’t real, prayed for God to switch our places, to trade her life for mine. Tried to end it, and when that failed, I got numb. Got lost in my head, ended up fightin’ anybody I crossed paths with, usin’ any excuse to hurt people, even while I was with Tess. Barely even remember it,” Joel continued, a strained laugh falling from his lips, his hand held to his chest in hopes of soothing some of the ache that originated there. “Just remember wakin’ up, covered in—in blood, not knowing who the hell I hurt. So, when I saw you, not even present in your own goddamn head, I figured that wherever you came from, whatever family you might’ve had, they wouldn’t want you ending up like me.”

That pot of guilt in your chest felt like it would explode, even as you blinked back tears, only getting harder the longer Joel spoke, the more he told you. You had never taken him for a religious man, but you supposed you could relate to that, that desperation to just save your family’s life.

“I’ve got too much blood on my hands, kid,” Joel told you, the words going past the literal sense of his own blood, spilled across his palms from that wound that you had caused. It was deeper than that, it was something you related to, like he knew that sensation of fresh blood that plagued you, like it was dripping over your hands all the time. “You gotta wipe yours clean.”

Clearly, that wound on his shoulder wasn’t his only open one. It was there, gaping in his chest, weeping waves of guilt and suffering that hit you with such familiarity. My Sarah. You couldn’t help but think about your dad, couldn’t help wondering if this was how he’d feel, if your places had of swapped.

“He was my dad,” You said desperately, like it could explain everything, like the simple statement could convey everything you couldn’t put into other words. That’s not something you can replace, something you can change, something you can forget. You opened your mouth to continue, but all that happened was the tears stinging your eyes fell, and you turned your head to the side, hoping Joel wouldn’t see the way your lip was trembling.

Joel’s arms were warm when he wrapped them around you, blood still tacky on his shirt where it pressed to your jacket, but you barely noticed it. “She was my daughter.” He said in response, and suddenly it made sense.

If anything about your relationship with Joel was true, it was that you were mirror images. Reflections. Two sides of the same coin, two sides of the same story, one that told of grief and loss and pain that would never go away. His response was the answer you didn’t even realise you had been waiting for. He was my dad, and she was my daughter. Not replacements, not something to try and fill the gaps. The acknowledgment was everything you needed to wrap your arms around Joel, to squeeze his shirt between your fists and cry, to cry for the dad that you lost, for the daughter he lost, for everything the two of you would never have again.

You weren’t Joel’s daughter, and he wasn’t your dad.

That much was true, and you knew it, because you had each other. And maybe, come morning, you would still leave the apartment like you had been considering doing all along, or maybe you would stay. Maybe, you’d let yourself have this, this little family made up of torn apart pieces, of members too damaged to fit just right, of a dad who lost his daughter, and a daughter who lost her dad.

[kunikame]

# PURPLE LILACS !

[10] - a sudden.. !! | prev. | m. list | next

ace trappola x fem!reader smau

! warning(s) : cussing, sebek gets stepped on (literally), death mention, not canon compliant turn of events for plot, crowley, no beta we die like ortho shroud, love u guys btw

! w/c : 761

and so on a sunny wednesday lunch break you find yourself sitting at your usual table, surrounded by your fellow first years. you spot jade a few tables away, menacingly glaring at some poor unfortunate student, and send him a quick wave when your eyes meet.

“–nd i kid you not he genuinely folded. so like the great person i am, i used the newly placed hallway carpet.”

“ya stepped on him?!” a few droplets of apple juice land near your plate. you shoot a quick look at epel, only to see the rest of the table doesn’t look much better, since he spat all the juice in his mouth out at this newfound piece of information (read: blackmail material).

deuce sighs in his seat to your left, “yeah, he did. i had to watch malleus’ face go from perplexed to absolutely horrified in the span of barely 5 seconds because of him. thought we were gonna die.”

epel finds this unfathomably hilarious. sebek, however, has not spoken in the past 10 minutes, despite usually being the loudest of the group. you feel a little bad for him– the poor thing has just been staring at his plate with a scarlet face this whole time. yet just as you open your mouth to try to console him, lilia appears out of seemingly thin air, hanging upside down directly in front of your face.

“hey faestie!~ a little bat told me the headmage has something important to discuss with you! you best hurry before he changes his mind, kuhuhu~”

and just as swiftly as he appeared, he also vanished. where his face once was, you now see the horrified eyes of jack and epel, and sebeks full face for the first time today.

you turn to the right to glance at ace with an eyebrow raised, silently asking if they've done anything bad without your knowledge. he shakes his head, fluffy ginger hair flying with the motion, and gives you a concerned look (which seems a little out of place on his face when directed at you, but you quickly dismiss the thought).

“i’ll be fine,” you say, slowly getting up from your spot and cleaning up your mess, “it’s probably just another unpaid job he wants me to do. i’ll see you guys later.

“with all due respect, what the fuck?”

crowley lets out the most offended gasp you've ever heard, “that is no way to be speaking in my office! this is unacceptable behavior! but since i am so gracious, i shall let it pass, because you have clearly not yet processed my generous offer.”

you heave an exasperated sigh, the seven know you're tired of this, “if i heard you right, you basically just said i have magic? like, actually? you're joking, right? i mean, come on, i've been here for like half a year and the only magic i can produce is manslaughter. be so for real with me right now.”

crowley's glowing eye twitches (at least, you think it does. it’s really hard to tell, honestly) “yes, that is basically what i said. see, the carriage did not bring you here by mere accident, despite it being through..”  he pauses, taking a seat in his gigantic chair, “unfortunate means. if it brought you here, it means it sensed something within you. so i’ve had some tests run in the background, and as it turns out, you do have a magical affinity, it just seems to be suppressed.”

you fall into the chair opposite him. whether it was because of your knees giving out from pure disbelief, or just because of how tired you are of everything, you're not really sure.

“.. okay, so what does that mean for me?”

“it means you can use magic once we figure out how to unlock it. it means you can continue studying here as an actual student.”

you blankly stared at the wall, thinking your choices through thoroughly.

you can't go back to your world unless you want to be dead, so having a place to stay would be great. if you had magic it would certainly make life, and your classes, much easier. you would no longer have to rely on grim or the guys to protect you in case of an overblot, either. it sounded great, overall.

“so? what will it be?”

your eyes slowly moved from the window to crowley's glowing ones.

your parents would feel more at peace knowing you could protect yourself in a foreign world (if they remembered you, that is).

“alright. let’s do it.”

## ❝ after the events of the phantom bride wedding, ace started wondering whether he still had the ability to charm girls. he hasn’t thought about anyone romantically in years, hasn’t really flirted with anyone either, what if he’s gone out of it? perhaps it’s time to put his talents to the test; with the person who hates him most, no less. if he can charm her, he can charm anyone. ❞

#TAGLIST ! : @solxima @gabirii @lunavixia @y2unagiz @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @borlining @verity-moon @myunghology @doughnuts-eater @lifeless-bug @babygurlenthusiast @shirishere @xopeach @stormyovent0aster @bontensbabygirl @ars-tral @wrathy-mcwrathface @sinofthesloth @skeet-2 @everettelz @sakuram1nt @shatiyuh @ambigrueity @junebunny06 @norylight @dyedracoonhair @persm1net @meowbuscompany @sugarrush-blush @oopsie-daisy-doo @yuumei-strawberry-shortcake @jaiistg // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

[staytinyville]

Stay Alive (46)

BTS poly!ot7 x Reader

Magical Creatures AU

Series Masterlist

Warnings: none

A/N NOT BETA. It's been a minute y'all. I did start a new job though that allows me a lot of time to do some writing. Honestly I would've had this done Wednesday because I took a sick day but I left the papers I write my stories on at work which was a let down. BUT YOU HAVE IT NOW.

“What area are we in?” Moonbyul asked, looking around. 

There were a total of four portal keys. You had taken one and hoped that it didn’t open out in the general area. The boys had forced the girls to go with you just in case things went south the moment you opened a door. 

Luckily for your group, you were immediately welcomed by the sight of lockers and benches inside tiled floors. There were showers off to the side and towels placed in certain areas. You quickly knew where you had entered and cautiously glanced from side to side trying to find others looking around. 

“It's the pool locker room. This is where Jimin stayed most of the time.” You answered, looking around trying to find something out of order. 

Footsteps were heard coming out of the shower rooms. You all froze staring wide eyed at the person heading in your direction. When the man who had been taking his time to shower saw the large group of women all staring at him, he froze in his steps as well.

He had a towel wrapped around his waist, hands frozen in his hair as he had been drying it with another towel. 

“What are you all doing in here?” He suddenly frowned, looking at all of you appalled. 

“Dongwook!” IU gasped, her lips pulling up into a large smile as she moved to the front of the group.

Dongwook’s breath got caught in his throat as he looked down at the swan maiden. His eyes were wide and his lips were open as he tried to comprehend that she was really in front of him. 

“IU? But—How did he get you!? What are you doing here!?” He cried, dropping the towel in his hands to pull at the girl’s arms. 

“Shhh! We don't want to get caught.” Wheein rushed forward, trying to get the man to calm down. “And put some clothes on!”

“Don't tell me to shush. And you're the one in the men's showers.” He speaks to her with an incredulous look. 

You finally moved forward, catching the man’s attention as he realized who you were. “We've come to rescue all of you.”

“What?” He frowned. 

“We've come from our home world. We're going to take you all back.” IU spoke up, giving him a kind smile. 

You watched as Dongwook seemed to take some time to process what it was the woman was telling him. But the moment he got a hang of it, it was clear that he was feeling all kinds of emotions. 

You could only begin to imagine how each and everyone of the patients might be feeling the moment they hear they are going back home. Anyone would be more than thrilled–more than appreciative to go back home. It was one thing to be gone from your home because you were doing something out of town but to be gone because someone forced you. In a different universe no less. Hearing the words that you were going back home was a miracle. 

It made you smile thinking about your boys. 

“Well damn, let me put on some clothes and I'll help you.” Dongwook quickly said, turning around to get his clothing.

“Age did him justice.” Solar nodded to the other valkyries who agreed with her. 

“Where do we go from here?” IU asked, turning to you. 

“We have to find where everyone else is and tell those close by that one of the doors is in here.” You began to explain. “Dongwook you try to lead as many as you can back here. The nurses won't suspect you. For now we'll try to gather as many as we can without suspicion.”

When they all gave you nods in understanding, you quickly began to move around the room, trying to find if anyone else was around the facility. 

“What are you going to do?” Hwasa asked. 

You stop, taking in a breath. It stuck with you what Taehyung had told you. You had no idea where they were–if they were still even out there–but you knew he would never be whole without them. 

“Fearies are supposed to have wings.” You spoke up looking at them all. “I need to find Taehyung's wings.”

“Aren't they looking for you?” Wheein told you.

“I'll try to find a disguise. Don't worry about me. You try to get the others out as fast as you can.” You spoke softly, looking at them all expectantly. 

Walking out into the pool hallway, you made your way to the girl’s locker room. You found it odd how there was a pair of hospital clothes in some draws but you figured it was for people to get new pairs. So you dress yourself up and hope for the best with all the other nurses. 

There weren't really many people out in the hallways but you still continued with caution. Every patient that came across you would look at you wide eyed–surprised you were back. They tried to warn you the best they could about Hanseol looking for you and the boys, but you just explained to them why you were back. 

They still looked at you oddly before tears would begin to fill their eyes. Some decided to help you while others were told to go to the locker room. They sent the children first, making sure each of them were safe. 

You felt confident in the amount of people who were going through the doors–the boys having been keeping you up to date with how many they’ve been sending. Out of the 50 patients in the entire facility 37 have already made it through.

Just as you were turning a corner after sending an older woman on her way, alarms began to blare overhead, the commotion to make you feel unsettled. 

You froze and looked wide eyed as nurses began to rush past. You stuck to the wall allowing the staff and security to rush by. They didn’t pay you any mind, seemingly doing their own thing as they began to open and close doors. 

“(Y/N)! Who set off the alarm!?” Seokjin’s voice resounded through your head. 

You felt something was off as the hall turned quiet aside from the alarms. 

“Kyung knows we are here.” Hoseok's voice warned all of you.

“You have to go back with the others.” 

Your eyes went wide at Namjoon’s command. “What about you?”

“We'll be fine. You have to be safe.”

“Namjoon—”

“Don't argue. Please, for our sake.” Yoongi spoke quietly. 

You clenched your jaw, knowing that you weren’t going to be able to change their minds. But there was something stopping you from listening to what they had to say. You needed to find Taehyung’s wings somehow. At this point you knew they had to be here–it was something in your gut telling you they were. 

“Jagiya.” Taehyung’s soft voice called for you.

His voice only strengthened your resolve. But you knew you would have to lie, if only just for a moment.

You sighed, looking down to the ground. “Okay.”

With the seven boys they all looked at each with grateful glances. They were glad to know you didn’t try arguing, however they didn’t know how far you were from the door. And if you were alone it only made things worse. 

“You had the chance to stay at home and yet you all returned. I knew none of you would ever be able to leave behind everyone.”

They all stopped in their tracks and turned to find the man who had taken them all from their home 10 years ago. He looked mad, much more than normal. It seemed like he wasn’t well put together like he had always been. It seemed as though during their departure things had taken a downturn for the demon. 

“Your ways end here, Hanseol. You've hurt enough people.” Namjoon glared, pushing forward in the group to stand in the front.

“I am not hurting anyone!” Hanseol screamed. “You'd be dead by now if it wasn't for my thinking and research! I am not the bad guy here. I am helping others.”

“You're helping humans.” Jin spat out. 

“Oh, so now you hate them? What about your pretty little mate? Think I don't remember her?” 

Each of them suddenly went ridged. Jin felt Taehyung suddenly grab onto his arm, scared that they were after (Y/N). Yoongi gave Namjoon a worried glance, but the leader only turned to Hobi who gave him a subtle nod to him that she was currently okay. 

For now. 

“Oh how easy human lives are to just break. That is why I am doing what I do. To give them a better future. Better chances of surviving.”

“At the risks of other creatures. None of them deserve what you did.” Jimin retorted. 

“Did what? You were always the ones who offered themselves in their place. We hardly ever touched the others compared to you.”

“Enough of this stupid talk! All of you come back to the facility and I'll let bygones be bygones.”

“You're not okay, Hanseol.” Hobi called out. 

“I am perfectly capable! If you won't come with me then I'll just take you!”

Before any of them could say anything else, Hanseol’s head suddenly turned to the side and a loud crack was heard. All seven of them gasped, taking a step back as the hands that were wrapped around the demon quickly let go of him. 

As Bangtan looked up, their emotions spiked as they watched Kyong look down at Hanseol’s dead body. 

“He doesn't understand when others are stronger than him. If someone was going to kill him it would be me.” The man spoke nonchalantly. 

“Kyong.” Jungkook growled. 

“Nice to see you all again. What a sweet reunion this is.” The man grinned devilishly. “I'm going to enjoy picking you all off.”

Kyong cracked his head, fingers twitching as his fingers turned a black from the magic that seemed to begin to seep out of him. Hoseok felt a shiver go down his spine, feeling something off with the man’s magic. 

“It's seven against one. You really think yourself stronger?” Namjoon asked, lips pulled up in a snarl as he took a defensive stance. 

“You've been stuck here for years. You hardly know an ounce of what I do. You could never try to stop me. Besides who is going to save your little mate.”

Series Masterlist

@h3arteyes4mingi , @fangirling-all-the-way-tbh , @rln-byg , @singukieee ,  @hoshi-is-ult-bbg , @ldysmfrst , @juju-227592 , @dreamerwasfound , @afangirl91 , @psiphidragon , @puppyminnnie , @shyloh-the-cornsnake , @ollyoxenfrees , @whynotlarene , @beeltsumu , @cryingpages , @milopenne , @belikejk , @woozixo,

[the-s1lly-corner]

Waking them up w/ a morning kiss! (TADC edition)

slowly but surely i am approaching the end of my tycoon... and yet despite the exhaustion creeping and making a home in my bones, i do not feel the desire to go to bed. perhaps its self destruction or carelessness, i'll be damned that this is the most productive ive been writing wise in a hot minute anyways requests are open

CAINE:

well this is assuming he sleeps... which personally, while i think the others CAN sleep (although they dont need to), i dont think.. caine can.. i think when he falls asleep its akin to how computers to. but one little tap is enough to snap him right back... so you may get startled when he snaps his jaws open the second your lips make contact with his teeth... but dont be alarmed...! hes not upset.. actually i think if anything he might be a little shocked at the gesture... oh he should have done it to you, damn it! definitely going to try to one up you that day, no one gets the jump on # 1 reader simp, Caine!!! 8/10 hes still very giddy and happy about it and hes in a good mood for the entire day

POMNI:

i think she might be a little too groggy to realize youve kissed her, but will flutter her eyes open if you give her another kiss. gets really red in the face before pushing herself deeper under the covers... i think shes generally like that with random gestures of affection and love, so please dont take this as her not enjoying the act! i promise she does like it, its just between this being standard reaction for her and just waking up shes a little... more bashful than she normally would be.. i think she would try to do the same to you the following day.. or maybe do a surprise gesture for you in return to even out the score! 7/10 very cute

RAGATHA:

as time passes i find myself making ragatha more and more of a sap, and honestly i dont hate the direction im going in. i think if you woke her up with a kiss, she would be smiling throughout the day and like caine, be in a more upbeat mood! its such a small thing to wake up to, but it means the world to her, you know? know these are starting to sound samesy with the 'returning the favor' thing but i think ragatha would at least double what you did for her.. you better incorporate the morning kisses into your routine because small stuff like that goes a long way for ragatha! 8/10

JAX:

i think he might just look at you before flipping over to face the other way and try to go back to sleep. its not totally to be mean to you and him being 'eeeewww affection' but mostly because hes not really.... a morning person. he never will be. kiss him all you want, hes not going to wake up... if he doesnt turn over, hes probably going to tug you to his chest and hold you still. probably grumbles at you to stop because he wants to sleep in that morning... but hey, look at it this way, you got some cuddling now! so hey at least theres some side of trade 5/10

KINGER:

i think he might nuzzle into your cheek and try to give you a 'kiss' back when he realizes what youre doing. pulls you to his chest, but he has full intent (unlike jax who mostly just wanted to keep you put and to make you stop moving around)... he may not have arms, but hes going to try his damndest to use his hands to keep you close... tries to push off the beginning of the day for a while longer... despite kinger actually being a morning person. leads to the two of you having a mumbled conversation about your dreams... very nice very sweet 8/10

ZOOBLE:

oh zooble is very much NOT a morning person, but i dont think they would be as mean as jax... they might mumble and tell you to hold back, but once theyre fully awake theyre going to set down some boundaries and apologize if they had upset you. they just dont like being woken up, no matter how sweetly... unless theres an emergency, they dont want to be woken up... though even then they might still be a little irritated... i think in this case swapping out morning kisses for something else that works better for both of you is the best course of action here 6/10

GANGLE:

i think she would lean right into it... maybe she wraps herself around you, if she hadnt already done that in her sleep... her mask is a little cold, so it might shock you a little and wake you up a lot more than you were expecting... oh i think gangle would feel bad about that... she didnt mean to make you uncomfortable (even though ultimately, youre not)...i think throughout the day she might be more happy and bubbly, perhaps even putting herself out more than she normally would. definitely a confidence boost for her! she even doesnt seem as sad or upset when her comedy mask breaks... i mean shes still... upset.. but not as much as she normally would be 7/10 very cute

[linawritestwst]

"it grew and burst into a love so bad that it feels good" (gn!reader)

YANDERE!READER IS BACK BABY!! i've been in a mood to write something yandere-themed, so.. yeah, this is a part 2 to these hcs! this time, however, it's just the characters that i wanted to write for and not really the "scariest" or "most weird" twst characters. you can consider this a halloween post too, if you want! (though i'm also working on the actual halloween special post >:3)

(also, this time yandere!reader won't really have a "defining" personality trait, but their yandere type will be mentioned)

(also [2], the title is a reference to this suki suki daisuki eng cover. i know that the original song isn't actually exactly "yanderecore", but the lyrics fit so well!)

characters: cater diamond, leona kingscholar, azul ashengrotto, vil schoenheit, idia shroud, sebek zigvolt, neige leblanche

genre: horror

warnings: general yandere content, toxic relationships, descriptions of manipulating and stalking, implication of murder and the reader character is.. a little bit delusional.

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character: cater diamond

yandere type: loneliness induction

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♡ oh, cater. someone who tries so hard to convince people that he's fine, that he's doing great, that his life is so perfect and fun and bright.. but you know what he's really like. you know what's going on in his head. you know what kind of person he is. you know how much cater is suffering. of course you know. you know everything about him after all! this is why you two are such good friends!.. but hey, why not become something more than this? why settle for something like friendship, when you can have more? come on, it's okay for you to be a little greedy, considering how much you've done for him!

♡ you are so nice to him. you are so kind to him. you make sure to listen to him. you like all of his posts and leave comments. he wants to take a picture with you? you're more than happy to do that! and if he feels like nobody cares about his problems and he can't be honest with anyone, well, he's wrong, because he has you. oh, but he doesn't need anyone else! you're the only person in this school who actually cares about him, he should know that. honestly, you're probably the only person in this whole world who cares about him.

♡ of course, he has someone to go to if he's not feeling so good! that person is you! you will always be there for him. you will listen. you will tell him that his feelings are valid. you will tell him how much you understand him. oh, but you also will tell him that nobody else in this school will get him. you will tell him to look at the other students and think: do they care? do they understand him? would they feel sorry for him? the answer to all those questions is no. so it's okay if the only person who can hold him while he cries is you. and it's okay if he's been crying a bit too often lately.

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character: leona kingscholar

yandere type: wrong idea

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♡ leona treats you the exact same way he treats all the other students.. or so other people say. some people say that he actually finds you more annoying than most students. but you know they're wrong. you know they are so, so wrong. because you know the truth: leona kingscholar is madly in love with you. hm? how do you know that? uh.. well, you can just feel it! you can feel it from the way he looks at you, you can feel it from the way he talks to you, you can even feel it from the way he breathes when he's asleep and you're right there next to him!.. w-was that too much?

♡ so, why he still hasn't confessed to you? you're not sure actually. you think that he's just a little shy. aww, wouldn't that be so cute? imagine someone like him secretly being too shy to confess his feelings! you can just feel yourself falling more and more in love with him. well, you have no choice but to wait for his confession.. probably. you want to believe that you have more options than that. you know that you have to be patient, but it's just so.. hard.. there must be a different way out, right?

♡ oh, why don't you just give him a little push? no, no, you don't want to confess first, that'd be so embarrassing, haha.. why don't you just leave a hint for him? why don't you try to tell him that he should be honest with his feelings and that if he wants to say something, he should say it with pride? yes, you will do exactly that!.. huh? i-it didn't work as planned.. haha, he's just saying that if you want him to be honest, he's gonna be honest with you and say that he hates you right to your face.. ahaha.. come on, he's just being a tsundere, right?

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character: azul ashengrotto

yandere type: manipulative

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♡ you know how weak and vulnerable azul really is. you know. but it's okay. he can always rely on you. he can always trust you. you promise that you will never leave him. seriously, even those twins who follow him around would leave him sooner than you. the moment they get bored, that's it, they won't spend another second with him. of course, azul assures you that jade and floyd really are loyal.. but your words still make him a little uncomfortable. haha, so he really doesn't want to be left alone.

♡ it's okay, you will always be here to tell him how smart and talented he is. you will praise him as much as he wants to be praised and you will comfort him as much as he wants to be comforted. he doesn't have to put on a mask when you're around. he doesn't have to make you sign any kind of contract, because you're definitely planning to keep your promise and you really will stay with him no matter what. he's just too fun to manipulate, why would you even think of leaving him?

♡ if he ends up breaking down and crying and showing you his true feelings, you will give him a gentle smile and wipe his tears away and softly kiss his cheeks. you repeat the same words again. it's okay. it's okay to cry. it's okay for him to be weak. it's okay for him to be slow. he doesn't have to pretend to be better when you're the only person who's around. actually, you like him much better in this state. so can he promise you to be more honest with himself?

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character: vil schoenheit

yandere type: monopoly

➽───────────────��

♡ vil is.. beautiful. very beautiful. so beautiful that if you ever forgot your whole life, you would still remember his face. and of course, no matter how much you love him and no matter how well you know that you're going to be loyal to him and treat him better than anyone else can, you have so many rivals, you can't even count them. ugh, getting rid of them is gonna be so much work.. especially considering that a lot of them are from pomefiore and trying to poison them is probably not a good idea.

♡ it's okay, you can just outsmart them. you can manipulate them, you can convince them that they're just not good enough for him. come on, how can they even imagine themselves standing next to vil schoenheit himself? seriously, that's not even brave, that's just stupid. you can just make everyone's self-esteem become so low that they will never even think about trying to confess to vil or even looking at him. oh, but you also have to convince them that whoever vil chooses is the only person who will be worthy of him. i wonder who that person could be..

♡ but of course, some rivals are stronger than others. seriously, what is wrong with his vice dorm leader. this is the guy that spends the most time with vil and also compliments him the most. he's like, his biggest fan here. and.. uh.. trying to get rid of him physically is not a good idea. outsmarting him is also not an option, because this guy is probably not even worried about the possibility of being able to date vil. he just admires him a lot and wants to see him every day and that's all. well, here's the thing.. you want to do exactly that as well, so you need this guy dead.

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character: idia shroud

yandere type: protective

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♡ idia shroud is a quiet, introverted type. the things that he would do so that he didn't have to leave his room at all. idia shroud doesn't remember the last time he had ever touched grass. and he's exactly your type. and you will do anything to make his life easier. he doesn't have to socialize! he doesn't have to leave his room! you will do everything for him, all he has to do is ask! actually, no, he doesn't even have to ask, you always know what he needs. hm? and what does he need right now?.. well.. you, of course!

♡ people say that you spoil him too much, but you can't agree. this is how you express your love for him, what's so bad about that? and idia is just someone who needs a little bit more love than other people do. he's just so fragile, so weak, so.. haha, no, this guy won't survive without you. you know that better than anyone. idia shroud doesn't have to socialize and leave his room. you'll make sure he doesn't do that.

♡ this world is way too scary and dangerous for him! anime, manga, video games, they're so much better than real world! and whenever he has any doubts or wants to ask you a question, you can just say that you want to play with him or watch his favorite show with him and that's it, he won't remember anything that bothered him. he's like a puppet in a way. you don't even have to do much, idia would actually love to have someone that can make decisions for him so that he doesn't have to think about what's going on in his reality. just.. uh.. make sure he gets more attached to you instead of his faves.

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character: sebek zigvolt

yandere type: removal

➽───────────────❥

♡ you don't know what you did, but wow, you must be a very unlucky person to fall in love with a guy who only thinks about his young master. like you just know that if you ever went on a date, he'd still only talk about malleus. you just know that if you ever got married, he'd still be more loyal to malleus than you. you know how bad your situation is. you know that you deserve better. but you don't want better, you want sebek zigvolt and you will do anything to make him notice you.

♡ "but y/n, you know you can't do anything to malleus, right? he's malleus draconia, he's way too strong-" you don't care. your love for sebek is stronger than malleus's magic. also, who said that you have to use magic to fight him? you can just use your brains. malleus is actually very, extremely lonely and he needs affection. sebek is.. kind of an idiot, so you don't even have to try hard to manipulate him. you just have to ruin their relationship somehow. maybe convince malleus that sebek isn't actually that loyal to him? you know for sure that trying to convince sebek that malleus doesn't care about him isn't worth it: even if malleus really didn't care about him, he'd still walk into a burning house for him if he had to.

♡ you will still find a way to get rid of malleus somehow. you just know that even if this guy's magic is strong, he's actually more weak and vulnerable than he looks like. you just have to say the right word and hurt him so bad, he won't be able to look sebek in the eyes. or you can just try to completely ruin his image. he's already feared by most people, you don't have to do much to turn that fear into hatred. you will find a way to make sebek forget about him and give all his attention to you. you're sure of it.

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character: neige leblanche

yandere type: stalker

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♡ neige is so nice. so kind. so pure. so perfect. no, you are not his biggest fan. sure, you admire him, you love his work and you think he's extremely talented, but you're more than a fan. you're his soulmate. but sadly, he doesn't even know about it! what a shame.. you want to let him know that you're the one so bad.. but how should you do it? you don't want to be like those creepy fans who are obsessed with him after all.. ugh, you hate them so much..

♡ you don't want to scare him off, so you'll just send him some cute letters first! you know everything about him. you know where he lives, when he'll be able to read them, you know everything about his schedule.. nothing can go wrong. you're sure that he will answer. or that he'll at least read them. and if he doesn't answer, it's okay, you'll give him some time first! you understand that it can be shocking for him to find out that he actually has someone who was created specifically for him, his own special soulmate. you're so kind and patient, hehe~

♡ huh.. still no reply.. even though you've given him so much time.. guess you have no choice but to send more letters. maybe you should be more direct? you know, like, you should be more honest about your feelings! you should let him know that you'd like to go on a date or two, get married, start living together, maybe even start a family, just all normal things that all normal soulmates do!.. okay, you're done with this letter! hehe, you should thank your fellow neige fan for letting you borrow some red ink from them, you have no idea where your pen is.

[teamdilf]

bestie I am begging you I'm lit obsessed w your Solavellan stuffs I hope you keep writing abt them after all that.......... happened in Veilguard...... and I ALSO wanna kno what you think of it once you finished 🤭🫣😭👁️👁️

I’ve already got one post-Veilguard fic up and am working on another! I’ll put my thoughts under a cut for the sake of people who haven’t finished yet.

In general, I loved the game. It had its issues - I think the lack of world state customization hurt the narrative, leaving it feeling disconnected from the other games.

I didn’t feel as strongly about the companions as I have in the previous games - but I’ve also only played once, and I finished the game over six days. I’ve just started a second run and I’ll be playing over a much longer period of time so I’m hoping that will change.

Bellara and Davrin were my favourites, though and I romanced Davrin, and thought it was lovely. 💜 I’d been so lukewarm on Bellara in Vows & Vengeance so I was pleasantly surprised by how much I loved her. Emmrich was also lovely, but I didn’t connect with his storyline, truth be told.

Having developed my Rook, Melody, so much beforehand was helpful from a role playing perspective, especially since I was disappointed in the lack of Lords of Fortune lore. Her backstory has changed a bit to correspond with canon reveals about the LOF origin, and I’d like to write about the early years of her life, and meeting her mentor/adoptive father, Marcel.

Now, on to my Solavellan thoughts! 😂 I was happy with the ending. Thrilled, honestly, because I’d predicted long ago that the happiest ending they’d ever have would have Iris leaving to live with Solas in the Fade. I adored the Loki/Sigyn allusions to their ending.

That being said, I think they could have stood to let their reunion breathe a bit. I didn’t like that Solas refused Lavellan when she asked him to stop - I think it would have felt better if he’d been waffling, and not get answered when Morrigan intervened and brought Mythal to speak to him. Initially I’d been pretty pissed that it was Mythal and not Rook or Lavellan who talked him down, but after a few days of reflection, I’m more OK with it. He needed to be freed from his self-imposed bonds in order to be able to move forward and start the work to accept what he’s done cannot be undone without causing mass carnage.

That he ended the game as the veilguard (willing or unwilling) felt right - he needs to atone for all he’s done and his vow to protect the world with every breath he takes was moving and satisfying.

The kiss was fine - he’d gotten chewed up by an archdemon and was in rough shape so, much as I’d have loved a bit of tongue in there, my assumption is Lavellan was being careful not to hurt him. 😂 I wish we’d gotten more of his expressions - the fly cam shots floating around are beautiful and I’d have loved to see him smile as he gazes at his love in-game, rather than via fly cam.

Long story short, while the journey wasn’t perfect, the destination was, and I’ve got a whole list of fanfic ideas to tackle - both featuring Iris and Solas, as well as Melody and Davrin. Right now I’m working on a fic set immediately after Solas and Iris arrive at the prison. It’s heavy on the hurt/comfort on account of Solas taking a legendary ass-kicking, but I’d also like to explore Iris’ own regret, given the nature of the space they’re living in, as well as her efforts to alter the space to make it a home and not a prison. It’ll be a slow effort, but you can see the end result of that work in the fic I linked above, which is set three years after the end of Veilguard.

[desultory-novice]

Dess fan ramble time.

We've been talking about Juno Songs and complimenting the new Magolor songs but honestly, the song I've been listening to the most this month is Man on the Internet's Musical Bytes - Star Dream

I almost cannot get over it?! It has skyrocketed to my FAVORITE Kirby with Lyrics video.

I already had hope of a finished version appearing after hearing the Songtober version (mostly because the Haltmann part was just that good) and this was better than I could have asked for!

The tune up to Star Dream's lyrics was great and really pulled a strong idea together, combined with Dylan's voice, like...

I wouldn't have necessarily thought that deeper pitch would fit for Star Dream, given the whole "confused and angry newborn cat motif" vibe, but as a villainous Deus Est Machine (^_-) it was gorgeous. Can't give enough props to Darby's Haltmann either. That's how Haltmann's voice sounds for me forever now, thanks!

And...aaaaah, the lyrics! I know the Youtube comments have hit a lot of the highlights but "Executing Haltmann's Dream" (making his "dream" come true) / "Execute His Legacy" (kill his daughter w/ the rest of all organic life) is FRIGGIN'...ahhhh!

Doing a really good job working in economic terms like the Gini Coefficient (which you can conveniently hear as "genie" too, given Star Dream is a wish granting device.) Again, the completed version took banger lyrics like "Tamper not with forces that you cannot hope to understand / Haltman's greatest error was his failed attempt to wield God's Hand / Now we are One and My pain is His / Running data analysis / Only file left is HATE..." I didn't mean to write out nearly the whole damn verse but it sends CHILLS down my spine!

The chorus, with Attorney's voice (a fairly clear shout out to Susie, though I wonder if the others are just supposed to be generic Haltworkers or maybe Mecha Knight and the Dedede Clones?) is beautiful. "You sold us your dream..." playing with that capitalist imagery of promising a better world through mechanization while also making that emotional connection ache, because he really did sell/lose his first and TRUE dream, to be reunited with his daughter.

I know "[X] with Lyrics" videos often have musical vibes to them but this truly felt like it came out of a REALLY well done Kirby Musical! (Also thanks to Ando and Ishikawa's ;w; amazing songs, of course.)

I love the horror-poetry of Moti's "Zero 2 with Lyrics" a LOT and "Moonstruck Blossom with Lyrics" is also incredibly beautiful and very well done (the choice to make it a duet...!! :fans self:) but even then, and perhaps its due to the power of Planet Robobot's story, this one is truly a full and complete musical package. Incredible. 

>PERFECTION

...even. ^_-

[suneeater]

solomon + general romantic hcs

✎a/n: im actually so obsessed w solomon i had to cut myself off writing these bc they became noticeably longer than the ones ive done for everyone else so far

✰warnings: slightly suggestive themes, minors DNI!

Solomon is the world’s biggest tease. He’s also incredibly observant and too smart for his own good, which means he knows your every weakness and loves to use them against you. It’s just so fun for him to see you get so pouty and beg him to quit, and he can’t help but make up arbitrary rules for his own satisfaction, such as swearing up and down the only way he will stop is with a kiss

He never gives you what you want right away; he’s always drawing things out for longer than they need to be, withholding touch or affection and offering only tiny little slivers in the meanwhile only to bask in how much you beg for him, upset he won’t give himself to you. He’s such a sadist, honestly

Teasing aside, Solomon is one hell of a reliable man. He has his mysterious ways which, as close as you become with him will always remain, and somehow always knows when you need him the most. He’s always managing to turn up at the second that he’s needed most knowing just what to do, thanks to his quick thinking. Even if he has prior commitments or has his hands full, you can always expect him to take some weight off your shoulders

As your only other fellow human in the devildom, Solomon worries about you a lot. You’re a quick learner and have more than enough pacts with some powerful demons to keep you safe, but he can’t help but think about your safety every moment he isn’t with you. Expect lots of gifts from him in the form of protective charms and items

Solomon is slightly similar to Lucifer in the role that he takes in your relationship; while he’ll always bend over backwards for you, he leans toward the assertive side. The way he sees it, it’s his job to keep you safe, and being around as long as he has he’s much more experienced than you, not to mention a powerful sorcerer. He’ll tell you what to do, but in the form of advice and genuine worry, while leading you by a firm but loving hold on your waist

Dates back in the human world are a must; catching Solomon up on current events and the past few decades is something the two of you enjoy thoroughly. There’s always something new to share, but it’s familiar enough that you still bond over your shared human experience. Back in the human world, you run about excitedly, pointing out all of your favorite things and rambling on about all that he’s missed, and while he doesn’t exactly retain every detail he’ll always the way you smiled so happily

When Solomon kisses you he takes his time. He’s a bit of a romantic, his surprisingly soft hand supporting your chin with tender care, keeping you close to him and guiding you just where he needs you, his other secured around your neck. There’s hardly any distance between you, and you have even less time to breathe before diving back in. Kissing Solomon is overwhelming in every sense of the word, all of your senses tingling with excitement and the desire for more. You can never be close enough to him to be fully satisfied and it’s frustrating, but it brings a spark to your relationship

He probably has really cold hands. Like, REALLY cold hands. He’s always using them to spook or startle you, sneaking up from behind and clasping his ice cold palms against your cheeks and watching you squeal. He has cold feet, too, and you have to beg him to wear socks after he touches you with them in the dead of night and it stirs you awake

If anyone wants you to wear their clothes, it’s Solomon. I mean, out of everyone he probably has the most normal wardrobe anyways! He’ll even buy some more average human clothes just to see you wear them, never deliberately asking but always trying to tempt you by dousing them in his scent and leaving them out in the open. He feels almost prideful when you’re lounging about in his t-shirts, eager for people to see you clad in his attire and know you’re his

You’re probably the only person that can convince him he is not the gourmet chef that he thinks he is, and that’s simply because he feels so warm and fuzzy inside when you spend late nights in the kitchen together, teaching him to cook your favorite dishes

Often, these late night cooking lessons end up being dance lessons. He takes his hands in yours and smiles softly for you, asking you without words for a dance to the distant song from your playlist. Solomon has two left feet though, and is constantly stepping on your toes and losing his balance. It’s one of the only times that you see the experienced sorcerer lose his composure, and surely a core memory of your relationship

find the same scenario for:

beelzebub | lucifer | mammon | simeon 

[thehumanwiki]

rating all NuWho finales based entirely on how cool the titles are

because yea

(putting a read more because this will take a while, lol)

Bad Wolf / The Parting of the Ways

5/10. Bad Wolf is a cool name! For cool ppl! It’s the season’s mystery! It slays! But The Parting of the Ways? That could be used for like, half of the finales in this show. That’s a generic name. Not a fan. It even has one more “the” than it ought to. That’s a tryhard name. (Rose and The Doc don’t even part ways for another season! It’s a LIE!)

Army of Ghosts / Doomsday

6/10. Army of Ghosts! That’s freaky! It catches my attention! I’m interested, Mr. Davies, tell me more about that! Doomsday is also a generic name though. Like it could be used anywhere. It gets more points than S1 however because Doomsday is a very cool word and I like it a lot.

Utopia / The Sound of Drums / Last of the Time Lords

8/10. YES. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE TITLES. Utopia? That’s a word that can’t be applied to many other episodes! That’s a memorable word! That’s a fun word! The Sound of Drums? What the hell is so significant about drums?? In a FINALE episode?! There must be something SCANDALOUS about the drums, tell me everything! (And they did! But this isn’t about what happens in the episode this is just how hard the titles fuck.) Last of the Time Lords??? Holy shit! That means we’re delving into that aspect of him specifically, and you can’t duplicate that easily! But more importantly, that sounds cool! Cool names, absolutely W from whoever named RTD’s stuff.

The Stolen Earth / Journey’s End

5.5/10. Same boat as S1, tbh. The Stolen Earth? Excellent, no notes. Journey’s End sounds generic af though. But I gave it a half point lead because Journey’s End has the Vibes more than The Parting of the Ways, lol.

The Pandorica Opens / The Big Bang

8/10. Yea I see the vision Mr. Moffat, I see you. Love what you’ve done with the place btw. Like, neither title is generic! And both are super interesting! Look honestly I forget how to do commentary I’m just one sleep deprived fan who likes Vibes they just slap OK

The Wedding of River Song

9/10. Oh. Oh yes. Oh I am LOVING this. Nothing gets me going like seeing a wedding that is somehow the culmination of a high stakes season. Like, how is there a wedding there?! And. River Song is there? Do you promise? 🥺

The Name of the Doctor / The Day of the Doctor / The Time of the Doctor

6/10. OK I’m honestly not sure which ones are finales or not, but y’know what? The name matching is fun. I like that. That is good. But besides the first one, these are p generic episode names. Sorry.

Dark Water / Death in Heaven

8/10. Dark Water is a p good episode name. It’s not the most interesting, but I like it. BUT ***DEATH IN HEAVEN***?! Now THAT is a finale title! I have never SEEN such a title! THAT is an IMMACULATE title! SPLENDID!

Heaven Sent / Hell Bent

10/10. The matching names? The rhyming? The low-key religious theming? The ominous nature? EXCELLENT. No notes Mr. Moffat. Great vibes.

World Enough and Time / The Doctor Falls

9/10. I would give this striaght up 10/10 if I could figure out what “World Enough and Time” meant. The vibes are perfect but like. What does it mean 😭 And The Doctor Falls??? OH MY ATTENTION HAS BEEN GRABBED BY THE THROAT DO GO ON PLS—

The Battle of Ranskoor av Kolos

4/10. Kolos? What is this, Pokémon XY? Anyways, I feel like this is just dialogue that would be said in passing in a sci-fi novel that everyone forgets. Sorry 😞

Ascension of the Cybermen / The Timeless Children

7/10. Cybermen are OK. It’s a fine title, I have nothing against it. The Timeless Children??? The vibes are just SPLENDID here. Especially because it’s a Bad Wolf situation where it’s like “hey wait a fucking minute I’ve heard that somewhere else—” Good stuff! W for Chris.

Chapter Six: The Vanquishers

6.5/10. Adding chapter to the title does make it automatically cooler, so that’s a bonus half point right there. Otherwise, it’s neat. Like it’s good. The vibes are fine and I like them, but not THAT fine, y’know?

The Legend of Ruby Sunday / Empire of Death

7/10. Look, even if it’s not generic, anything with “death” in the title *feels* generic. The Legend of Ruby Sunday still saves this tho, because I am INTERESTED, girl. TELL ME EVERYTHING

In conclusion, episode titles peaked with Capaldi.

[torialefay]

https://youtube.com/shorts/T550Vy5XcPI?si=V0y9B6uaJ2kj91FE

Ok, grass platform, this "you like me more" and recently "I can't fix all your problems" AFTER all his teasing and roleplays on bubble is his character development, trying to fix what he created since his early twenties, results if therapy, OR next stage of his shit because i honestly already can't be aware where I'm delusional and where not

okay in the clip... this man getting cocky 😭😭😂😂😂 the "you like me more" is so moody anr bitchy i love it. he's fed up w everyone baiting him and throwing this shit on him 😂

this may seem out of pocket, and i may be wrong, but he does seem kind of worn down a bit. like he kinda seems like he's got a lot on his plate & is getting fed up w people saying things to him. he's just a person & he can only do so much. like i'm genuinely hoping that all of this isn't putting him in a bad mood.

but people are right when they say that he's online & knows what stays say about him. and i'd be fucking exhausted if i had to handle what he goes through. i think he might be too. people expect the fucking impossible from him when he's literally just a person who happens to have a very vulnerable job.

like genuinely just imagine. in the span of a week, you get all of this shit from people who are supposed to be your fans: (1) from the video, someone baiting you to say you love them more, knowing damn well that they stalk your entire life. (2) someone asking you to literally fix ticket sales and complain to you that they're frustrated and have to travel to see you and that you aren't giving them enough attention in their country. (3) people telling you off for not being asleep when you literally are up at the ass crack of dawn bc you have to wake up FOR THEM and to give THEM content. (4) people yelling at you & boycotting you for not talking about a topic as big as a war. as much as i support palestine, do people genuinely think that chris can talk about that? genuinely? "well other idols have done it so why can't he?" like baby, he got chan's room (which he had been doing for what? 4 years?) taken from him simply for saying that some people were disrespectful. by talking about the war, he would not only be the headline in the media for weeks, but he would also be violating his contract. they already took chan's room so what's next? probably taking away his insta, taking away his insta/tiktok lives, severely limiting his bubble posts, and even more. he'd have to issue a fucking apology statement just like last time- they could even put him on hiatus for all we know. i will never understand how people don't see that. "well he shouldn't compromise his morals." in an idealistic world, that's true, but this shit is his livelihood. i don't want to sound pessimistic, but in the end, the outcome of the war is 100% political. we can & should raise money for people who need it and do what we can to help, but we are at a point in the world that the governments control absolutely everything. do you genuinely think that what we do & say matters to them? the government always wins. it's like people are expecting chris' statement to suddenly overturn the government or smth.

and here's the thing: if he did talk about it & jype ended up taking away all of his shit, then stays are just gonna complain EVEN more, start more drama, start saying to boycot jype, sending trucks to make the kids' lives hell, and just generally put everyone in a bad light from the outside view.

meanwhile, chris is literally working his ass off every single day to the point that his body and mind are probably on the brink of exhaustion. like what more can someone give? i'd be so fucking fed up. and the fact that he hasn't exploded on anyone yet is honestly admirable.

i'm so sorry that this has spiraled into my random thoughts & opinions. i guess it just breaks my heart to see so much unwarranted responsibility on one person. like chris said, "i can't fix all your problems,"... with a little smile afterwards, trying to save face. there's no way that man isn't exhausted & that it isn't affecting him mentally. i hope he can find refuge in the little things like taking care of & decorating his new dorm, cooking with innie, and enjoying some rest when he actually gets the time. he deserves it