#and iris getting to control the narrative and knowing everything for once

[fangsforiris]

I was thinking of this for a while, We know canonically that Yui is actually perceived as a tomboy in japanese standards but what about Subaru? He was conditioned to believe he was a monster, but before Yui there was brides right? What would other brides think about Subaru if he didn’t have that image of himself? Is Subaru even considered attractive to japanese standards?

Iris: Ahhh I'm excited about this one!! THANK YOU NAT <33

Mirrors & Mothers; How Christa’s narrative haunts Subaru’s psyche.

Subaru, as introduced within the Diabolik Lovers franchise, is a temperamental tsundere with a lot of self-loathing and self-esteem issues. He is considered to be the ‘gentler’ and ‘nicer’ one of all the 6 evils we are introduced to at first, whilst still having his own level of fear factor to consider.

Due to the complications and bias surrounding his birth, he was constantly conditioned and fed a certain narrative by those around him that he was nothing, and simply a waste of a life. Many of the routes with him and Yui/MC/Player are built with one thing in mind, for Yui to act as a saviour towards Subaru and to see the ‘good.’

To start, I’d say that Subaru’s unhealthy, self-loathing, and overall suicidal mindset is a direct by product of what his mother, Christa, unintentionally forced down. Without her large involvement towards Subaru’s established mistrust in females, self-loathing behaviours, and borderline suicidal tendencies, he most likely would’ve only been seen as ‘gentle and kind Subaru.’

Let me explain. Christa’s role in Subaru’s life served as a direct catalyst for all his emotional turmoil and inner traumas that he tends to pin and overwhelm Yui/MC/Player with. Due to what Karlheinz did to Christa (assaulting her, which resulted in Subaru’s birth,) it set the framework for how her mental state would deteriorate over the years, especially in care of her child.

She canonically wasn’t allowed to attend most events after giving birth to her assaulters child, as she found herself going mad beyond comprehension. Even during the pregnancy, it’s hinted that she was already having mental breakdowns, and small fits surrounding the actuality of her child [Subaru.]

So from going to someone who was once (or still is) very revered and beloved by all, someone who’s sweet as sugar and everything nice, to a fragile, nervous, and almost borderline hysterical woman, is a large change for someone to cope with. Most likely, if not entirely, it changed Christa’s views on herself. Which would later on effect how she’d be able to find control within herself and how she’d conduct herself in a larger area, especially around others of high nobility class.

With that being said, when Subaru was around, mainly during his youth (5-8, perhaps even older,) he’d take the initiative to ensure that his mother was kept out of trouble and in ‘good graces’ with all that she interacted with. Truth be told, to deal with a ticking time bomb for a mother was proved to be a lot of stress and constant worry for Subaru. So much so, that he’d take it out on himself for being so powerless as to not offer any good or substantial aid to his own mother.

Christa and Cordelia would normally get into arguments at these large events, where Christa’s momentary sweet demeanour would change into that of a venomous viper. The topic of their arguments? The love for Karlheinz.

Christa’s entire ‘bipolar mood’ or instability comes from a split of love/care and hatred/loathing for a being, none other than her assaulter, Karlheinz, the king of vampires and her first cousin. Christa saw Karlheinz as an older brother figure if anything, so after he had manipulated, coerced, and assaulted Christa, her mind started to slowly shatter due to not being able to distinguish a select role for Karl.

It’s hard to bear with something as life ruining and petrifying as such an assault, but from someone you trusted, cared for, and possibly even looked up to? That’s another thing on its own. Which would lead to Christa and her select moods. Perhaps as a way to cope, would Christa still at times see Karl as her ‘older brother figure’ and call on him as ‘Nii-Sama’ (Brother.) And at other times, completely lash out at him or anyone else [Subaru] that looks even remotely similar to Karlheinz, lest she’s attacked once more or even reminded slightly of what had happened.

She often corrected herself as ‘pure’ and in a sense ‘holy,’ mainly due to her reputation within vampiric society as the ‘Fairest of them all’ and ‘The White Rose.’ Named for her unremarkable beauty, it would become Christa’s staple for a pure, almost haunting look. All of it would change, however, when the vampire king would lay hands on her. That would send her, someone who was known for their vanity and ethereal beauty, into a complete state of ruin as she could no longer consider herself as ‘pure.’ Instead, restoring to stating that the child inside of her is the reason for her ‘impurity’ and thus, shall be subjected to the cruelest of punishments for ruining her so badly.

That’s where a lot of Subaru’s mental health issues, especially regarding self-esteem and self-worth would stem from. From the moment he was born, he was subjugated to Christa’s double sided personalities. At one end, she’d call him ‘gentle, pure’ and an overall ‘sweet beautiful boy.’ On the other, she’d remind him of how much of a hideous monster he was, someone who’d been the exact epitome of impurity to walk the planet.

This was all occurring due to Subaru’s looks. As Christa heavily claimed that Subaru looked almost identical to how Karlheinz looks as of current. Which would be a further drive to her instability within the future. This would even go as far as Christa begging Subaru to kill her, putting her out of her own misery. And when he’d rejet, she’d instead, attempt to murder him, claiming that he’s a disgusting creature that should be killed for his sins.

Subaru would be conditioned to agree with the bad, choosing to reinforce the horrible feelings within him and isolate himself from the world as a result, lest he hurts his mother or anyone else even more.

His looks played a big role in how his mother chose to perceive him, as at times she’d mistake Subaru for Karlheinz, whilst others she’d state that Subaru looked so much like her.

For someone who valued looks as much as Christa, it’s no wonder why she lost her mind after the attack. She had major trouble in differentiating the two, which only added on to Subaru’s equally fragile psyche.

The Big Question…

Has any sacrificial bride found Subaru to be attractive, even with his overbearing mental distress? And is he even considered to be attractive, despite his attitudes and pre-established reservations?

In terms of who Subaru is as a character, he comes off as a loner, shut in, and somewhat angsty classic teenager. He’s known to drift towards alternative fashion, mainly dressing in black and in a ‘I don’t care about the rules’ punk kind of look. I wouldn’t say emo, however his closet heavily relies on black to show the trope of a boy defying the set authority and regulations set in place. Basically a ‘bad boy.’

Without his personality taking over, along with his short temper occurring due to small sparks of subtle humiliation directed at him, just based off of looks we can make these main assumptions.

A) His broad shoulders, and sharp features are mainly glamourized by Westeners instead of the continent of Asia.

B) In Japan, someone like Ayato, who had the dual of a baby-face and the subtle sharper, more masculine features, is the ideal standard for men.

But for Japanese Beauty Standards, Subaru fits into these select ones:

Facial Features:

Clear Skin: Smooth, clear skin is highly valued. Subaru is seen to have clear skin, any headcanons depicting otherwise are just that, headcanons. ☑️

Sharp Jawline: A defined jawline is often considered attractive. Subaru does have a sharper jawline in comparison to the other boys, curtesy of Karlheinz. ☑️

Double Eyelids: While not universally desired, double eyelids are often preferred. Subaru's eyes are double eyelids, so it aligns. ☑️

Symmetry: Symmetrical facial features are seen as a sign of beauty. Subaru's face does seem/come across as symmetrical enough, despite his hair. ☑️

Body Type:

Slim and Fit: A lean, well-toned physique is generally preferred over overly muscular builds. He is lean, and does have a toned physique. ☑️

Height: Taller stature can be considered attractive. Subaru is 5'10, which is considered to be tall. ☑️

Hair:

Stylish Haircuts: Well-groomed, styled hair is important. Trends often include natural, slightly tousled looks or more polished styles. Subaru wears his hair with one side covering one eye, and it's sometimes tousled. I'd like to say that his hair is a bit unconventional for everyday. ❌

Natural Colors: While hair dye is common, natural hair colors are often preferred. His hair is white, for the fantasy element, but Japanese fans seem to enjoy it. ☑️

Fashion Sense:

Trendy Clothing: Keeping up with fashion trends and having a good sense of style is important. Subaru's clothing is made for functionality, whilst staying with neutral colours, which is heavily appreciated. I'll give it a checkmark, despite his ripped and trashed shirts, only due to the main colour pallet in general and his overall simple style. ☑️

Attention to Detail: Accessories and well-fitted clothing are key components of a stylish appearance. He does have some accessories, such as his bracelet, his white boots, and his key necklace. They are more alternative if anything, in terms of taste. So we'll give him a checkmark, only on that basis. ☑️

Grooming:

Minimal Facial Hair: Clean-shaven or well-maintained facial hair is typically preferred. He doesn't have facial hair, so it works. ☑️

Neat and Clean Appearance: Overall grooming, including trimmed nails and good hygiene, is crucial. Despite his ripped up clothing and whatnot, he keeps his room and personal affairs clean enough. ☑️

Personality and Mannerisms:

Politeness and Humility: Being well-mannered and humble is highly regarded. He'll be polite when he can and cordial, however if he finds himself quickly embarrassed or in a situation that upsets him then he will stray from it quickly. His anger does seem to take up a lot of who he is at times, so for that reason, no checkmark. ❌

Soft-Spoken and Considerate: Gentle, kind, and considerate behavior is often appreciated. Subaru can come off as gentle and kind once he lets down his walls and breaks through his self-inflicted unhealthy persona. ☑️

In terms of anyone finding him attractive?

Since it’s been established that the Sakamaki’s and Mukami’s have their own harem of fan girls/boys (?) within the school, mainly the Sakamaki’s, it wouldn’t be so far off to have some individuals take Subaru as their preferred boy of choice.

Seeing how every boy has their set profile, and some people will drift towards whatever aesthetic or feeling suits them best. It really comes down to ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’

However the type of crowd Subaru tends to attract in terms of ‘fans’ or potential love interests, are those invested in the ‘bad boy’ image and loners who keep to themselves. In their heads, having someone who’s quiet, and sometimes known to be around shadier things, can be a marker. Since a lot of people do enjoy that certain trope.

I’d like to think that out of all the boys, he may have a moderate standing. But due to his own insecurities, he’d think otherwise or would find it awkward— especially with the constant comparison towards his older, more established, and almost genius at their own craft, half brothers.

Some sacrificial brides may have chosen Subaru in the past, based on the premise that he seemed the least harmful, but could have died due to his own excess of strength. (Mainly him not knowing how strong he accidentally is, and lashing out.)

[valeriemperez]

westallen week: day five favorite westallen version bart & iris

[cheryls-blossomed]

If you couldn’t see how...

Iris running into Barry’s arms in a literal (and I quote straight from the script) movie moment; Barry discovering his powers with Iris’s hand resting on his chest; Barry unlocking new powers to save Iris; Iris writing about the Flash for Barry; Barry and Iris acting like a couple in front of their other dates at a bowling alley; Barry and Iris always going off to CC Jitters to just chat together after long, stressful days; epic romantic lines (“You’re worth being on time for,” “I’ve loved you since before I knew what the word love meant,” “The reason I couldn’t stop thinking about you was because I didn’t want to,” “He’s a lucky guy,” “Having someone believe in me is a small, really, really big thing,” “It’s still beating,” etc.); Barry and Iris kissing on the waterfront, and Barry learning how to time travel in huge part because Iris admitted her feelings to him; Iris discovering Barry is the Flash by a simple jolt of electricity between their fingers, something she only once before experienced when Barry was in a coma; Iris breaking Grodd’s mind control over Barry by speaking to him over the comms; BY IRIS WEST-ALLEN; Singh talking about getting married to Rob, and Barry bumping into Iris immediately after; Barry and Iris often times having intimate moments on the Jitters rooftop (“this is kind of our place”); Barry constantly talking about his love for Iris with everyone, and everyone knowing how he feels about her, and that’s not even everything from season 1...

... very clearly indicated right from the very beginning that Barry and Iris are THE love story of this show, then that’s a you problem and it has nothing to do with the narrative not being absolutely and abundantly clear about Westallen.

[wickwrites]

Burning as a Motif for Humanity in Violet Evergarden

I think, when watching Violet Evergarden, most of us picked up on fire as a motif for Violet’s trauma – the violence and destruction she witnessed in the war, and the violence and destruction she engendered with her own hands. I’m not going to go into this too much because it’s all pretty self-explanatory, if not trite, but here are some quick examples of fire as a motif for her trauma just to lay the groundwork for the rest of the essay:

In frame 1 (episode 8), Violet draws first blood on the battlefield, and the once contained fire from the felled soldiers’ lanterns spread quickly through the forest, a symbol for how one small act of violence can cascade into large scale destruction. In frame 2, Gilbert stares at the carnage in front of him, horrified. In frame 3, the major is shot, and all we get to see is a screen of flames. In frame 4 (episode 12), Merkulov stares into a fire as he schemes about re-kindling the war.

I want to follow this (well trodden) opinion up with a more encompassing statement. That is, fire, in Violet Evergarden, is not limited to representing the destructive power of violence and trauma. Instead, it is a motif for humanity itself – an embodiment of the full range of experiences and emotions that make us human.  

To show this, I’m going to start off at the beginning of Violet’s journey, focusing on how her disconnect (from herself as well as others) is illustrated in episode one. For instance, her initial struggle to move her now mechanical arms as she sits in her hospital bed in the opening sequence is an excellent embodiment of her dissociation from her own body and lack of agency. I want to, however, focus on two scenes that are particularly relevant for our discussion:

First, the scene where Violet spills tea on her hand:

And second, the scene where Hodgins insists that Violet is burning:

These scenes are similar: in both, someone asserts that Violet must be in pain, specifically due to burning, and in both, Violet rejects that statement. In the first, however, that burning is physical. And in the second, that burning is emotional. Regardless, Violet is so removed from her own body that she is incapable of feeling either. Her mechanical hand is therefore an embodiment of her inhumanity (ie. her “dollness” or “weapon-ness”). Like her, it is cold, mechanical, insensitive, without life or agency. After all, up until now, all she’s been doing is killing on command, without the ability to think for herself, experience her own pain, or sympathize with her victims’ pain.

When the screen shows that Hodgins is indeed correct, that Violet is literally on fire (frame 1), that fire is depicted with restraint. Flames engulfs Violet’s body, but those flames are from a streetlamp enclosed in glass. It is controlled and distant. This encapsulates Violet’s current state; she is literally on fire, but that fire is so compartmentalized and suppressed, and she is so far removed from her own experience, that she is incapable of feeling it.

In frame 2, we are viewing Violet in a flashback, from Hodgin’s point of view. Although we’re offered a close up shot of her bloodied hands, we see, about two cuts later, that Hodgin is actually observing Violet from afar (frame 2.5). This distance demonstrates that he cannot bring himself to reach out to her, something that Hodgin confesses he feels guilty about literally 5 seconds later. They were, at that point in time, and perhaps even now, unable to connect.

In frames 3 and 4, Hodgin is speaking again. We get this super far shot of Violet’s body. The camera is straight on, objective, and unfeeling. This unsympathetic framing has two functions. First, it distances us from Violet. Our inability to see the details on her face and her relatively neutral body language gives us, the audience, no real way inidication her thoughts. Second, it distances Violet from herself. As someone who experiences dissociative symptoms from PTSD, this is a very poignant way of framing what it feels like to be removed from your own experience. Hodgin’s line, “You’ll understand what I’m saying one day. And, for the first time, you’ll notice all your burn scars,” further drives home the sense that Violet is completely estranged from herself. It almost feels like we are looking at her, from her own detached point of view.

We’re going to move on now, but we’ll get back to these frames later in the analysis, so hold onto them.

Throughout Violet’s journey, fire comes up again and again. Specifically, it shows up in moments of emotional intimacy, connection, and healing. Let’s see what I mean by this:

I have here a collection of moments that all occur at the same narrative point in their respective mini-stories: the moment where one character reaches out to another, sympathizes with them, and literally pulls them of their darkness. For example, frame 1 (episode 3) shows Violet bringing a letter from Luculia to her brother. It expresses Luculia’s gratitude and love for him, and ultimately mends their relationship. In frame 2 (episode 4), Violet and Iris share a moment of emotional intimacy and connection, which is the beginning of Iris’ story’s resolution. In frame 3 (episode 9), Violet’s suicidal despondency is interrupted by the mailman, bringing her a heartwarming letter from all her friends. In frame 4 (episode 11), Violet comforts a dying solder by a fireplace.

It’s not that other modes of lighting do not exist – modern looking lamps show up repeatedly in the show. Even Iris’ rural family has them, so I can reasonably assume that, no, the above moments do not all coincidentally use lamps because that’s all there is in this universe; the usage of fire during moments of catharsis is deliberate, and establishes that fire can also bring hope, kindness, and love.

Now that we’ve explored the dual nature of fire as both destructive/constructive, painful/cathartic, let’s go onto the thesis of my essay. Why do I say that being on fire is to be human? Let’s go back to the scene where Hodgin tells Violet she’s on fire (episode 1, on the left), and compare it to the scene where Violet finally realizes that Hodgin was right and that she is on fire (episode 7, on the right):

In these sequences, there is a notable shift in framing and perspective. In frame 1b, we finally get to see Violet’s blood-stained hands from her point of view, as opposed to from Hodgin’s point of view in 1a. Violet becomes aware of her past as an actual agent choosing to kill, shown through the first-person point of view. Similarly, the medium, straight on shot of Violet looking down at her hands (frame 2a) is replaced with an intimate first-person, close-up view (frame 2b). In shots 3a and 3b, the difference in framing is most pronounced. In 3a, we get this straight on, long shot. In frame 3b, the camera’s detachment is replaced by a claustrophobic closeness. While this framing does an excellent job at conveying the panicked feeling of “everything crashing down all at once”, it also demonstrates Violet’s new-found awareness of herself. While before, the camera was used to alienate, now it is used to create a sense of painful awareness and intimacy.

These series of shots are the first in the entire show, I believe, of Violet's body from her own point of view. Their co-incidence with her awakening self-awareness characterizes the state of “being in one’s body” as a precondition to self-connection, or more specifically, to Violet’s understanding of herself as neither a weapon nor a doll, but as a human. Correspondingly, this pivotal moment serves as a catalyst for her subsequent emotional development. From this episode on towards the finale, we’re launched into a heart wrenching sequence of events: Violet’s desperate grieving for Gilbert’s apparent death, her attempted suicide driven by newfound grief, and most importantly, Violet receiving her first written letter, an act that is strongly representative of genuine human connection. Following these events, Violet’s emotional connection to both herself and others only continues to grow; during her two final jobs of the story, she breaks down crying in response to the suffering of her clients, demonstrating a level of compassion—if not empathy—that she seems to have never been able to tap into before.

At the same time, Violet acquires a new sense of agency, making plot-driving decisions that no longer require other characters’ validations. Most poignantly, in episode 12, she chooses to stay on the train to fight Merkulov, explicitly going against Dietfried’s order for her to leave. Her reason?

She doesn’t want anyone to die anymore.

And it’s this moment, for me, that consolidated her as a character with true agency. Up until now, all her major decisions have been framed in relation to Gilbert: she killed in the war because Gilbert ordered her to, and she became an Auto Memories Doll because she wanted to understand Gilbert’s enigmatic “I love you”. Now, however, her motivation is purely her own—she fights, simply because she doesn’t want anyone else to die. It’s a line implies an intimate knowledge of loss. It’s a sentiment motivated by compassion. It’s a raw and extraordinarily human thing to say.

When Violet embarks on her journey to decipher Gilbert’s love, she is devoid of many traits we consider inherent and possibly even unique to being human—suffering, compassion, altruism, love, agency, and the interplay between them. As an Auto Memories Doll, she learns to live, experiencing all these emotions she had never had the luxury to experience before, and we quickly realize that she cannot know what love is without simultaneously wrestling with her trauma. She learns that yes, sometimes the fire destroys and sometimes it burns, but sometimes it thaws too, and you cannot have one without the other. You cannot choose what the fire does to you; you cannot choose what you want to feel. Thus, to be on fire is to know the anguish of its destruction, but it is also, and more importantly, to know the catharsis of human connection, to be the warm flame that pulls someone else out of the dark, to be pulled out of the dark yourself. To be on fire is to be human.

[drmazel]

certified maria tma speculation (TM) (lazy version)

this turned out way longer than i thought it would. it’s a collection of snippets from tma transcripts just barely hinting at a speculation i have so if you don’t care then scroll fast!

i don’t feel like spending a bunch of time coming up with some speculation and theory when 1) i could be wrong and 2) i just wanna have fun but! for no reason whatsoever here are just some fun and cute quotes from s5 that i haven’t been able to get out of my head that don’t seem to have really been addressed much if at all in the narrative yet and i definitely don’t think are just pressing at the edges to come back and smack us in the face as the finale approaches <3

not that i think they’re all necessarily tied together but mmm a few of these taste of Essence of Foreshadowing yummy! a.k.a. (jonny voice) martin is not going to be okay

MAG167

Jon: W-Without trust. W-Without a reason. Gertrude needed both the purpose her mission gave her and the control her position allowed. To be here, like us, without a – a reason, without someone to ground her? She – She’d have power, but – no control. No real purpose. Perhaps she’d have dedicated herself to a doomed quest like us but – No. I think this would have broken her. And she’d have resigned herself to – ruling her domain.

...

Martin: So. If you say Gertrude wouldn’t have been able to go on without a reason –

Jon: Yes, Martin, you are my reason.

MAG170

(sudden lucid moment amongst a cloud of forgetfulness) Martin: Why. The Eye has won. It can already see everything; it wouldn’t need a – w-wouldn’t need a –

MAG171

Martin: Don’t do that.

Jon: What?

Martin: Don’t use me as an excuse.

MAG172

Martin: If you look, and I was – influenced, then how can I trust anything else? How can I believe any of my thoughts and feelings are really mine?

MAG176

Jon: I don’t like betraying someone’s trust like this.

Martin: It’s not a betrayal if you’re doing it to help.

Jon: I’m not so sure.

Martin: Look, if it was me in her shoes, I’m sure I’d forgive you. It-It’s for the best!

MAG177

Basira: And if I killed you now?

Jon: You couldn’t. And even if you could, it wouldn’t be enough to undo what’s happened to the world.

MAG178

Jon: No-one gets what they deserve. Not in this place. They just get whatever hurts them the most. Even me. [personal note: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bark snarl bark bark bark bite bite snarl grrrrr!!!!! bite!!!]

MAG179

Jon: Hmmm. Apparently. I mean, I know it sounds strange, but it… it felt right for Daisy to be able to hurt me.

Martin: Dream logic again?

Jon: Mmm. The… resonances from our relationship before the change carried over and –

MAG181

Annabelle: Don’t worry, Martin. We’ll meet again. Hopefully when you’re feeling a little bit more… open-minded. [personal note: SNARL GROWL BITE BITE GROWL SNARL wife GRRRR BITE!!!!!!!!!]

MAG183

Jon: Well, you’re a watcher, Martin. You worked for the Institute, you read statements. The Eye is… fond of you.

MAG184

Jon: What was I supposed to do? I owed you. Didn’t want to just watch you suffer.

Martin: It’s what you’ve been doing for everyone else. It’s what you’re expecting him to do.

MAG185

Jon: Either way, even if I wasn’t here, I don’t think you’d be in any danger. Not anymore. I wasn’t sure when we first started out, I hadn’t properly, er… looked into it, as it were. But now I’m certain.

...

Martin: Even though I didn’t ask for it? Did nothing to deserve it?

Jon: ‘Deserve’. Huh. Now there’s a word that always causes trouble.

Martin: Don’t be patronising.

Jon: I just mean that nobody here deserves the position they’ve found themselves in, not really. I suppose a few may have asked for it, sought it out even, but far more didn’t. They just made the wrong choices for the right reasons. Or even the right choices. But ones that still led them here in the end.

...

Martin: I guess we should get used to it. Knowing that all these awful things are happening for our benefit.

MAG186 (this is a big one that ties a lot of my scattered thoughts together)

Martin: So, this price. What do you think? Are we going to have to kill John?

Also Martin: I don’t know because you don’t know. But it seems like something we should at least consider.

Martin: I… have thought about it. And… I won’t. I don’t think I could. But anything else? Any other price? I’ll pay it.

Also Martin: Even dying?

Martin: Yeah!

Also Martin: Jon’s as bad as we are. He wouldn’t let it happen.

Martin: It’s not his decision.

Also Martin: Fine. So flip that round, then. What are you going to do when he tries to sacrifice himself, because you know he’s going to try?

Martin: I don’t know, all right? I don’t know.

Also Martin: And that’s okay for now, but I just want us to have thought about this stuff properly before it comes up. Because even if that’s not it, chances are it’ll be something else you don’t want to do, and we need to make a proper choice. We can’t just react out of shame or fear or whatever.

Martin: What, like with Peter and Elias?

Also Martin: Yes.

Martin: That was a proper choice?! I chose wrong!

Also Martin: But you made a decision. Your own decision. Regardless of the outcome.

...

Martin: But I can’t keep existing like this at their expense. It’s not… it’s not right. Whatever happens with Elias, W-with the rest of the world… I can’t live on the misery of others.

Also Martin: They’ll suffer either way.

Martin: I get it, okay? I can’t decide what happens to them. But… I just might be able to decide what happens to me. And… And if it comes down to it… I’ll get John to destroy me like the others.

Also Martin: You don’t really believe he’d do it?

Martin: I don’t know. Maybe?

Also Martin: This took a dark turn.

Martin: Yeah. But… this time, it doesn’t feel like despair. It feels like resolve.

MAG188

Jon (statement): She looked at the eye, and the eye looked back. Carmen’s arm shot out, thrusting the tip of the blade right into the pupil. But it did not cut anything, for there was nothing but empty blackness. Carmen’s knife, then her hand, then her forearm passed into the void of that pupil, her skin bristling with the cold. And then the iris closed around her arm, the thin flesh of the tightening muscle clenching with astonishing strength as it held her in place. Then, inch by inch by inch, it began to pull her in. But her flatmate simply shushed her. Her terror was pointed and crimson, and tomorrow she will wake up hating London and worrying about how many characters there are.

MAG189

Jon: No, Martin, listen, what I’m saying is that whichever way you cut it, ultimately it just comes down to who The Eye chooses. [personal note: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM]

...

Jon (statement): They can all hear him now. Any words he speaks will ring out through the chamber. He wants to talk of the people outside, the bruised and abandoned ones that suffer and die to slake their appetites. He wants to cry for restitution, for justice, for a future, for anything. But all eyes are on him and he falters. He remembers the cold, the hunger, the ache of concrete beneath him. He is afraid. And his chair is so very comfortable. The minister coughs, once, uncomfortably, and sits down. [personal note: wow if only there was a character that had a thing about comfortable chairs this season? anyway,]

Act III trailer

please go read the rime of the ancient mariner or the wikipedia synopsis or something. for real. like for real for real oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t think of this of course jonny chose that shit on PURPOSE

MAG191 (of course)

Martin: And you have to promise me you’re going to do everything in your power to live. That you’re not going to sacrifice yourself at the first opportunity, just because you feel guilty about what happened. [personal note: see MAG186. Jon isn’t the only one that feels guilty that this happened, and I can’t stop thinking about how this promise did not go both ways.]

MAG193

Jonah: Enough. Tell me, why are you here?

Jon (statement): I… I don’t know.

Jonah: Were you drawn here?

Jon (statement): Yes. I was.

Jonah: Against your will?

Jon (statement):No.

Jonah: Then why did you heed the call?

Jon (statement): Because… this is the place I know I should be.

Jonah: Good. The job is yours.

[personal note: OBVIOUS parallels with jon and being promoted to archivist then being promoted to Archivist, but my “martin is not going to be okay” brain is very guilty of reaching for connections and i do see this parallel with the conversation between jon and martin in MAG039 about why martin hadn’t quit. inch resting.]

anyway i said i don’t have the mental energy to come up with some long speculation and i DEFINITELY don’t now after pulling all this out of the transcripts. i could be wrong i could be right i could be somewhere in the middle, but i think it’s very possible that jon tries to accept the eye’s “offer” to take jonah’s place, martin doesn’t let him, martin does it instead then something i don’t even want to think about happens because he does NOT want to feed off of people’s suffering as has been repeated over and over. i’m probably way off but i’ve just been thinking about it and needed to get it down somewhere. maybe i’ll reblog this on thursday after the release of 194 with an update, who knows! whether i’m right or wrong both martin and jon will be fine tho <3

[westallenfun]

A Most Unexpected Love, Chapter 6

WestAllen secret santa gift  

From: @jade4813

For: @sophisticatedloserchick

Author Notes: For the lovely @sophisticatedloserchick from @jade4813! Merry Christmas, and I hope you like my first fic after a long hiatus!

Title: A Most Unexpected Love

Rating: PG

Synopsis: Iris has loved Eddie Thawne Allen her entire life. When she returns home just before Christmas, it looks like she might finally have a chance to catch his eye…unless an accident puts his older brother, Barry, directly in her path. Story inspired by Sabrina (with some quotes lifted more or less directly from the source material).

Chapters: 6/7

Chapter Six

Iris still loved Eddie.

If he’d thought about it, he would have realized that would of course be true. She’d loved Eddie all her life. She’d loved him when she was growing up, the entire time she was away at school, and upon her return. Twenty-four hours in Barry’s company was hardly likely to make a dent in such lifelong devotion.

But, still, the thought made him feel slightly sick inside. Iris loved Eddie.

And Barry? Barry loved Iris.

He didn’t know when it had happened. He couldn’t put his finger on the first moment he’d fallen for her. Maybe he’d fallen in love when her earlier that day, when the two were working together to make the most pitiful gingerbread house ever erected (or, rather, not) by man. Maybe it had been the night before, when she’d told him she saw him, or the night before that, when they danced under twinkling lights that shone like stars.

Maybe it had been earlier. When she was a sad girl of sixteen, trying to be brave through the pain and her heartache to be stuck with the wrong brother. Or before that, when the chauffer’s son once tried something he shouldn’t and she’d laid him out with a punch before Barry could even get two steps in her direction. When she raced across his back lawn on her bright red bike, pretending like she was a racer in the Grand Prix. When he’d taken her to see her first horse and her eyes had grown as large as saucers, as though it was the biggest thing she’d ever encountered in her life.

Maybe he’d loved her as long as she’d loved Eddie. And just as hopelessly.

Iris loved Eddie. She would be happy with him. And maybe she’d fooled herself into thinking she saw him now, but that was just an illusion. An illusion he’d created, maybe without intending to, because he’d told himself she deserved better. Better than to love a man who was engaged to someone else. Better than to spend her days in idle boredom while the man she loved recuperated. Better than to be loved and abandoned with diamond earrings and a bracelet as a consolation prize.

But that was selfish of him, to steal away her time like that. It was arrogant of him to assume his brother’s intentions were less than pure. After all, Barry knew Iris was the most incredible woman he’d ever known. Was it so far beyond the realm of possibility that Eddie had come to realize the same thing?

So what was standing in their way, other than him? Well, him and an engagement Eddie had accused him of orchestrating. He didn’t think he had, but maybe he was to blame. Maybe he’d put so much pressure on his brother to grow up, to be something he wasn’t, that Eddie had fallen into an unwanted engagement because he’d felt he had no other choice.

Well, Barry couldn’t fix everything. He couldn’t fix his own broken heart, for one. But he could fix this. The engagement was off. It would cost the company a pretty lucrative merger, but what did that matter? If it made his brother happy. If it made Iris happy.

Of course, there would be repercussions. The papers had painted an image of Eddie as that of a playboy without conscience. They had gleefully predicted that his engagement would never end in a wedding. He’d left a trail of broken hearts behind him; what was one more? A diamond ring was no talisman against his reckless romantic immaturity. When the news broke that their suspicions had been proven correct, they would tear his reputation apart. He would be eviscerated in the press, and Iris would be dragged down with him.

Unless she wasn’t here to see it. Unless Barry took control of the narrative, painting a picture of lovers who had been cruelly kept apart for far too long. By his family. Maybe even by him. The press already thought he was stoic and unfeeling; they could think him a villain too. For the sake of business, he’d kept the two apart and shoved his brother in the direction of another woman, and his plan had almost worked. Until Eddie’s reunion with Iris had brought all those old feelings back to the surface and they realized there would never be anyone else. Under those circumstances, there would be nothing they could do but run away from it all for a while. They would celebrate their reunion, the merger would fall flat, and Barry would play the part of interfering meddler who had come to accept the inevitable when confronted with true love.

But where should they go? Where did lovers go when they wanted to get away from it all? Ah, yes. Paris. The most romantic city on Earth. Iris had spoken fondly of visiting it once with her dad; he was confident she’d be thrilled to see it again.

Ignoring the pain in his chest, he picked up the phone and dialed his secretary. “Yes, Margaret? I’m going to need you to take care of some things. A trip to Paris. No, not for me. For – for Eddie and Iris. Iris Ann West. I’ll need two tickets to Paris for…ah…could we do the day after Christmas? For two weeks? No, at least a month. You know what? Maybe leave the return open-ended; we may need to play this by ear. They’ll need an apartment. Do you think you could find something with a fireplace? Paris gets cold in the winter, and Iris—” He broke off, hating the way his voice quivered with emotion at her name. Was he doing the right thing? Could he really do this?

Outside the door, he heard her soft laugh and the low murmur of his brother’s voice as they walked past. It was enough to remind him of his purpose and strengthen his resolve. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “She hates being cold…”

“Barry, you’re still here!” Iris greeted him brightly when she came into the kitchen to grab breakfast and a cup of coffee on the morning of Christmas Eve. Then, seeing the man at his side, she’d pulled up short and blushed slightly. “Oh. Good morning to you, too, Eddie. I-I didn’t realize you – You’re looking much better today.”

“I’m feeling much better,” Eddie acknowledged with a grin, stepping forward to take her hands in his. She didn’t pull away, but she did shoot a quick look at his brother over his shoulder. “I can move around a lot better now, so Barry suggested I join the two of you for breakfast. If you don’t mind.”

“No, of course I don’t,” she replied quickly, ignoring his attempt at mild flirtation.

Turning his back to the pair for a moment as he stepped around the other side of the kitchen island, Barry hid his scowl as he refilled his cup of coffee and poured a fresh cup for her. When he was confident his feelings were safely hidden once more, he turned back around and slid the cup across the island in her direction, followed immediately by the sugar he knew she always added to her morning cup. “Actually, there’s another reason I wanted you here. I got you an early Christmas gift. Both of you.”

“Both of us?” Iris repeated, confusion warring with curiosity in her tone.

Temporarily unable to speak through the swell of heartache that threatened to steal his breath, Barry nodded. “Yes,” he finally managed. “Two tickets to Paris. For, ah, for the two of you.”

Eddie looked like he’d been hit by a two-by-four right between the eyes, and Iris didn’t look much less confused. “The – the two of us?” she repeated, as though the words had inexplicably become incomprehensible to her.

“You’ll leave the day after Christmas,” he explained, pushing the envelopes he’d received by courier that morning across the island after the untouched cup of coffee.

“For how long?” Eddie asked, clearly trying to catch up.

He tried to answer, but the words wouldn’t come. He had to look away, hiding his grimace behind his mug as he took a sip of coffee to stall for time. Once he had regained control of himself, he looked back at his brother, meeting his eyes unflinchingly. “For as long as you both want.”

Beside Eddie, Iris visibly reacted, her head drawing back as though she’d been struck. His brother might not have mentally caught up with the conversation enough to understand what was going on, but she did. He was sending them away.

Of course, he’d assumed the news would make her happy, but maybe she was simply too surprised to know how to react. Or to understand that she was finally getting what she’d always wanted. She was getting the man she loved.

“I-I don’t…I thought you—”

“I’m sorry I can’t stick around to hang out the rest of the day,” he broke in, unable to bear the thought of her repeating whatever it is she was about to say. Hating himself because she looked wounded, though he told himself she would soon be overjoyed when the truth sank in. “I’ve had fun the last couple of days, Iris. Thank you; I really needed the break. But I’ve got to get back to work now.”

“But I—” she tried again. As though unable to look at him any longer, she glanced away, but when she looked back at him, her composure had returned. Tilting her chin up slightly, her voice was a challenge when she asked, “This is awfully sudden, Barry. It isn’t like you. I know you, remember?”

“If you don’t think this is like me, then maybe you don’t know me at all,” he countered in a soft voice.

Iris scowled, but she picked up her tickets and glanced at the names. Returning Eddie’s to the counter, she slid hers into her pocket and said brightly, “I suppose I should thank you. I’ve always wanted to see Paris again. If you’ll excuse me.”

She started to turn, paused, and then swept the discarded remnants of their failed gingerbread house into her arms, tossing them into the trash on her way out the door.

A long, uncomfortable silence fell between the two brothers in her absence, until Eddie finally broke it by asking, “Okay…do you want to explain to me what’s going on?”

“I’m cancelling the engagement,” Barry explained, dumping the rest of his coffee in the sink and rinsing out the cup. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I pushed you into it. It wasn’t right of me, and you shouldn’t have to pay for my mistake.”

His younger brother just stared at him, mouth agape. Finally, he managed, “You…okay.” Giving his head a slight shake, he asked, “Is this a joke? Are you messing with me?”

“No,” Barry replied firmly, grabbing Iris’s abandoned mug to rinse it out, as well. “It isn’t a joke. I want you to take Iris to Paris. You can stay there until…until everything dies down. Stay as long as you want! Just…be happy.”

Afraid he wouldn’t be able to conceal his feelings much longer, Barry tried to scoot past his brother, intending to walk out the door. But while Eddie wasn’t likely to be running any marathons any time soon, he was able to move fast enough to cut him off. “Wait. Just tell me…Iris was right. This isn’t like you. Why are you doing this?”

He scowled, dropping his gaze, and swallowed heavily as he fought back the tears. It didn’t work the first time, so he tried again. His second attempt seemed more successful than his first, but he suspected he still didn’t entirely mask his feelings, as his voice quavered slightly when he explained, “I screwed things up, but…but I can fix it. You don’t have to marry Patty. You can—” He broke off again, pressing his lips together to keep them from trembling.

After a moment, he urged his brother in an hoarse voice, “She’s loved you all her life. You’re what she really wants. You’re what she’s always wanted! Go on. Go to Paris. Forget about Patty, forget about the merger. Just…be happy. Make her happy.”

Something that almost looked like understanding dawned across his brother’s face. “I see,” he murmured softly.

Barry couldn’t bear it much longer, so he pushed past his brother and strode quickly out the door. Eddie and Iris would be leaving for Paris in two days, which meant they had a lot of packing to do. And Barry? Barry would always have work.

[fragmentwitch]

Posting this because it's been sitting in my drafts and we're on Tatariakashi-hen so I wanna get ahead and just repost what I had up on reddit with more coherence.

spoilers for Gou and Saikoroshihen below.

In the post-Matsuribayashi world, the last time we see our kids is Rika and friends in a minivan going to Angel Mort where Shion is waiting. Satoko asks for them to go ahead without her; which seems odd because how else is she going to Okinomiya? I can presume that she either asks Irie for a ride or uses the Hinamizawa bus stop though.

But she wandered into the ritual tool storehouse and found a horn that fell out of the Oyashiro statue that presumably is Eua's vessel. And then things kick off with Satoko's descent into hell.

So this might just be me but while watching Sotsu, I have been getting HUGE Saikoroshi vibes from Satoko's Looper journey because we don't explicitly see her die on-screen when Eua uses her magic. And I want to approach this narrative divorced from Umineko since I'm still a fencesitter about how much is canonly tied to Umineko and not just "haha hidden easter egg go brrrr".

It's possible I read a mistranslated version because I watched a youtube playthrough that sometimes had errors in grammar, but Hanyuu put Rika in a similar situation in order to 'purge Rika of her sins', which presumably has to be the Frederica Bernkastel persona or Dark Rika. Hanyuu deliberately orchestrated every parameter of that dream (I know Rika says it definitely wasn't, but it ended up as nothing more than that due to her decision) and purposely excluded herself from that world so Rika would be forced to make a choice on her own; either return to 'her' miracle world that was stained by sins through committing a sin of her own, or make the best of an unfamiliar sinless world. If she chose the sinless world (which I believe was the choice she made before Hanyuu made her think she actually killed her mother to return... feel free to correct me) she would sin by allowing a world where everybody worked so hard to achieve dissolve into oblivion and become nothing more than a dream. Choosing her world would require an act of Matricide since she had failed to value her parents in the times she was able to go back that far. Regardless of her feelings, she didn't have much certainty because it would be the last loop. And she didn't really learn to value how precious life is until then; in the grand scheme of things, many people died in unfortunate accidents like that all the time and wouldn't have a goddess to put them in the next world in hopes of a better ending.

Technically she didn't ask to become a Looper but Satoko is given these choices but things are switched: either she makes the best of her sinless world (Matsuribayashi is really a world cleansed of sins) and accepts the painful parts of that reality, or she stains these new worlds with sins to create her certain perfect world. Without Hanyuu there is no real Hinamizawa Syndrome and each loop Satoko did always started off after Takano's defeat.

It's a choice she makes with almost complete self-awareness aside from her dismissing every world she destroys as simply a dream.

To get a miracle world, Rika was tasked with preventing any more sins from taking place while Satoko has to taint any number of sinless fragments for an indeterminate amount of loops (or until Rika gives up). I think it's deliberate that we haven't been given any on screen hints that Saikoroshi ever happened so far, because it comes right after Matsuribayashi.

And for what Eua has chosen to tell Satoko, she hasn't indicated at all so far if she also sent Rika back in time with the others. From the chandelier scene on, I have had a gut feeling that she's actually been chasing after the wrong Rika this whole time. Eua never said she also sent Matsuribayashi Rika back into the endless June (or rewinded back time... she most likely jumped fragments), and that would explain why Hanyuu is just a husk; the original one went to sleep in the prime world where the club are all on their way to angel mort with 'our' Rika. This Hanyuu could either be Eua's creation or a remnant from all the times Rika has transferred her consciousness into a new world and taken that Hanyuu's place.

Satoko might wake up from what was a terrible nightmare, and she comes clean to Rika about everything bottled up inside and they actually resolve things without anger or violence. Thus purging the sins she accrued (even if she doesnt do them in reality, they are a malevolent manifestation borne from her emotional turmoil levied at Rika).

Or she might not. Depends on whether you pick 'fantasy' or 'reality'. Suppose this isn't all a hellish nightmare Satoko is having.

In Tataridamashi, it really did seem for a second that both anime AND manga, Satoko contemplated staying in that fragment but only because she chose Keiichi. She calls him Nii-nii, blushing, even wearing an outfit just for him. She stopped clinging to Rika just like she stopped clinging to Satoshi and jumped for Keiichi. Her Prince on a White Horse.

Except I think she realized this alternative happiness far too late into the fragment. Satoko controls who gets the Syndrome but not how it affects them or who they kill specifically.

Judging from the sound of bells and Teppei's glowing red eyes, I'm pretty sure by now Ryukishi lied about Ooishi "naturally" going L5 and attacking the festivalgoers. I think Satoko injected Ooishi, perhaps another one of her experimentation ideas (TAKANO JUNIOR). Satoko was so focused on resetting loops to trap Rika that she never considered the possibility of any external factor changing her mind.

Keiichi's efforts to save her from Teppei (despite her faking it most likely) made her realize she had deceived her friends' trust due to seeing the previous fragments. Keiichi promises to never abandon his friends. Satoko, just this once, lets her heart open up to those words. Except... she can't have a truly perfect ending because things have progressed past the point of return. Satoko never bothered to protect anybody but this time, just like Mion, she decided to spare Keiichi.

The only way to do it is lock him inside the house, and keep the lights off so nobody thinks someone is in there. I don't think she intended to kill Keiichi, especially didn't expect Teppei to come out and nearly kill him. She looked genuinely shocked.

Which says to me that Eua did it. Satoko's seemingly abandoning her original goal that prefaced granting her Looper abilities. She promised all her friends that once Rika was convinced to stay in Hinamizawa, they'd all have a perfect world. So by choosing to spare only Keiichi and letting the rest die in collateral damage, she's betraying them and forsaken them and the original goal.

I doubt Eua has any morals, but if she's the ruler of these fragments and not Hanyuu, having her miko run around disobeying continuity is going to be troublesome to deal with. (Notice that Eua places great emphasis on Hinamizawa Syndrome being real and Rika being a Queen carrier) She might have a hand in driving Satoko's will to break down and culminate into the gutting scene.

[roobierubyroobieruby]

Clean

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2,655

Warnings: angst, awkwardness, resolution?

Summary: It’s been 3 years since you last laid eyes on Steve, last had contact with him. Now you had to be in the same room for Wanda’s birthday and you had no idea how it would feel to see him again after how it had all ended.

A/N: So this is a continuation of “I Remember It”, however either could be read on their own or sequentially. I was originally going to leave IRI as a solo but the person who inspired that fic had to make a reappearance and I came face to face with them for the first time since IRI’s events. I also had a request to write some form of conclusion so I felt it was time. As Taylor Swift was the lyrical inspiration behind IRI, it’s only fitting she is the lyrical inspiration for this one (“Clean” by Taylor Swift). Here is the resolution, I hope it’s everything you need anon, because it was for me <3

The drought was the very worst (ahh, ahh)

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

It was months, and months of back and forth (ahh, ahh)

You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

“Dinner at the tower?” You hoped the nerves weren’t showing through your voice. Wanda’s birthday was coming up and she wanted to have an actual celebration since everyone would be here at the same time for once. She excitedly nodded, clasping your hands.

“Please come, I want to have everyone I love there!” She had honed her gift over the years, now keeping the minds of those around her locked out unless she was told she could listen in. You had no need to worry she’d hear the fearful thoughts that he will be there.

He will be there, which means Sharon will be there, and they will be there together. He will be there, in the same room as you, for the first time in the 3 years it had been since he disappeared from your life. It had been 3 long years of repairing the damage he’d caused, learning to trust and love yourself again, and trust others once more. No easy feat given the life you had before this one. You had been making strides, doing so much, and now this was the test to see if you could withstand his presence and not let it topple your progress. He was a storm in your life, but now you’re a hurricane.

“Of course I’ll be there! As if I would let you celebrate without me!” Pulling her into a tight hug, you buried thoughts of him in the dark box in the corner of your mind with his name on it. 

Hung my head, as I lost the war

And the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Sitting on your bed, laptop and papers scattered across the blankets, your mind kept coming back to the dinner. You had 3 weeks to prepare yourself in the hopes that your 3 years of learning to accept what happened and move on would be enough to be unshakeable in his presence.

You couldn’t help but wonder what would happen. Will he ignore you, a ghost in the room? Will he try to talk to you as if nothing ever happened? Will it be noticeably awkward as the two of you move around the room, hardly coming within 10 feet of each other, somehow even at the small dinner table? 

You had never officially met Sharon either, only heard of her. You had to wonder if she knew anything of your time with the team. If she knew about you.

You had too many questions, too many variables to consider, and none brought you peace. No path felt like it was the right one to take. It all led back to the storm.

The rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you

I think I am finally clean

The dreams had been coming gradually. At first, his face only made a fleeting appearance, or you thought you’d heard his voice call out to you in his dreams. 

As the days sped by, taken up by missions and work, they came more frequently and intense. That sweet smile of his, or comforting words telling you how important you were to him, that you were capable of anything. Telling you he loved you, how he had nightmares of you leaving him, never wanting to be the first to let go.

Then you’d wake up. You could still feel the slight sting in your chest when you thought of everything that happened, and you wondered if you’d ever feel ok again. You longed to feel nothing, for indifference, but you couldn’t wish it never happened. You didn’t know where that left you on the spectrum of moving past it all.

~

Staring at your calendar on your wall, you could feel the ball of tension in you ready to snap. Tonight was the night. You had come home late from a mission, using the morning to rest and debrief, so you’d hardly had time to yourself. You supposed it was a good thing, it meant you couldn’t work yourself up even more over the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ of the night. 

You couldn’t put it off any longer. You had delivered your present to Wanda in person, the dread of catching a glimpse of him almost breaking through your calm demeanor. Wherever he was, he stayed there, giving you a quick and clean exit from Wanda’s room. Now back at home, you categorically started doing your makeup to give your mind something to focus on.

You didn’t want to admit it, but you wanted him to regret what he did. You hoped he’d see you and wish he’d stayed, at the very least kept you in his life.

You opted to leave your hair down and natural, feeling less exposed. You were already on edge, the knot in your stomach getting tighter as the minutes ticked by. Hastily pulling on a black bodysuit with long, high-waisted, tan flare pants, you slipped your black heels on and scraped your things into your handbag. Time had officially run out, you had to go.

There was nothing left to do (ahh, ahh)

When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof (ahh, ahh)

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

Nat had gone ahead, helping Vision to set up the dining area and cook. She was aware of how this evening was weighing on you, preparing to intervene at your request or steal you away if you needed a minute. Tonight was about Wanda, and you didn’t want to ruin that with something as trivial as a friendship-relationship-nothing situation from three years ago.

Shaking your head, you put in your headphones to drown out your thoughts as you navigated the streets and subways. You insisted on getting there yourself, wanting the time to prepare and settle your mind. The ritual of walking and trains calmed you, as the music washed over you and reminded you of everything that had happened since he’d left your life.

You let the songs bring forth the memories dancing at the bars with Nat, having netflix nights curled up on the couch with Shuri whenever she was in town. These were the memories that were important now. Any of him were just dust, trying to cover you and stifle your rediscovered vibrancy.

Music blaring, you thought about everyone else in attendance tonight. Tony would be there, always ready to liven up a party. Of course Bruce would be there too, giving you some much needed quiet comfort for when things get a bit too much. No one would look twice if the two of you slipped out somewhere quieter - assuming he would have just needed some space. Whilst you and Bucky were friends, you also knew his loyalty to Steve, so you knew he’d be as wonderful as ever, but you had to be wary that he would more than likely be by Steve majority of the time.

Tonight was about Wanda, he was inconsequential to this moment in time.

The water filled my lungs

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

Your heels clicked along the tower floor, elevator doors already open and waiting to take you up to the avengers’ old living quarters.

You evened your breathing, steeling over your face to hide the feeling you were suffocating. The floor numbers climbed higher and higher, the silence of the elevator making the ringing in your ears that much louder. Holding your phone in your hand for an easy escape, your stomach lurched as the elevator came to a halt.

Countless times you had ridden this elevator, and none felt as precarious as this time. Keeping your face passive as the doors slid open, you took a quick cursory glance to find no one waiting for your arrival.

You let loose a sigh of relief. That meant they were all in the main area, so you had plenty of escape options if you needed it. You could hear the food preparation still ongoing, murmurs of conversations broken up by loud peals of laughter. You had the briefest feeling of coming home before you remembered the reason you left home to begin with.

The rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you

I think I am finally clean

I think I am finally clean (ahhhhh, ahh)

Said I think I am finally clean (ahhhhh)

Bruce was the first face you saw when you came around the corner into the main living area. You eagerly waved, heading straight for him when you saw someone move out from the kitchen to stand by his side.

You halted, ever so slightly, your energy focused on keeping your emotions under control to remain the picture of calm and unaffected. The moment you had been dreading had arrived sooner than you had anticipated, and now it was trying to meet your eyes.

You knew this first moment would set the tone for the night, and for the rest of this narrative. You would not bend or fold to him. He had been the one to dictate your friendship, both when it started and when it ended, plus everything in between. You would not be the one to make any moves here. He destroyed everything, it is up to him to admit to the damage and make a choice.

You breezed right past Steve, wrapping your arms around Bruce in a hug before settling in on his other side to have light conversation. You kept watch for a sighting of Wanda, eager to put some distance between you and Steve. You hadn’t expected him to be so close so quickly, you needed space, but you didn’t want to be the first to move either. It felt like you were admitting defeat if you moved because of his presence. You had already done it once.

As you and Bruce spoke, you could see Steve attempting to interject. Turning inwards ever so slightly to try and include himself in the conversation, but your staunch ignorance of his presence kept him at bay. After what felt like eternity, you saw Wanda’s beaming face across the room with Vision in the kitchen.

Excusing yourself from Bruce’s side, you strolled back past Steve and right into Wanda’s open arms, wrapping her tightly in your embrace.

“Happy birthday darling girl! I’m sorry I’m a little late, the subway was, well, the subway.” You shrugged, pulling back to give her a grin. 

She waved you off, “it’s fine! I’m just glad you came so now everyone is here! Nat and Vision are almost done in the kitchen, they said I am not allowed to help so I’m mingling instead.”

Shaking your head, you laughed at the mental image of Nat scolding Wanda, cooking utensil in hand and all.

“I side with them on this one. It’s your birthday so you’re meant to be enjoying it! Go mingle, I’ll see if they need any help.” You gave her another quick hug before departing to the kitchen, knowing Nat will give you a job for entering her work space.

“Mash the potatoes.” You hadn’t said a word before she barked her order at you, a smirk playing on her lips. You mock saluted her before washing your hands and beginning on the potatoes.

Being in this moment felt like home. It felt like you were whole again. Clean slate.

Ten months sober, I must admit

Just because you're clean, don't mean you don't miss it

Ten months older, I won't give in

Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

Sitting between Bruce and Nat, hearing the various conversations and bursts of laughter, you felt at peace. Every now and then you felt his eyes on you, could feel him wanting you to see him and go about as if nothing ever happened. One part of you wanted to do just that, to hear your name pass through his lips again and smiling at you like you mattered to him, as if the last 3 years never happened and you were still the same old friends. 

You couldn’t allow yourself to go back though, you had worked hard to be where you are and work through the damage he caused. You owed it to yourself not to let him have what he wants just because he wants it. He had his chance and then has had 3 years to fix things, and he chose not to. He made his choice, which wasn’t you, so now he has to live with the consequences because you are choosing yourself.

You were not going to risk yourself for the sake of his conscience.

The drought was the very worst (ahh, ahh)

When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Sharon was an attractive woman, and quite intelligent based on the little pieces of information you had heard about her. By all accounts, she was a very lovely and genuine person, and you could see why she and Steve fit together like they do. It almost seemed picturesque, a love he always wanted.

A small part of you buried deep wondered what might have been had he not made the decisions he had - would the two of you have grown closer until you were inseparable? Would he have been honest about his feelings instead of the weird little games of love and affection but only behind closed doors? Would you have ended up together?

All the possibilities died the day he left without a word. The part of you that had grown to love him, all of him, died with them. You couldn’t help but wonder if part of him had died also.

The rain came pouring down when I was drowning

That's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you

I think I am finally clean (x2)

The dinner party began to wind down with people starting to make their way home before the clock ticked over midnight. You hugged people, saying your goodbyes and promises to catch up soon, your heart feeling full from seeing these people who felt like family.

Again, you could feel him just off from your periphery, staring over at you and wondering if you would make the first move and say goodbye. It took almost everything out of you to ignore him, to keep such tight control over the hole in your chest that was aching for you to see him and hope he would acknowledge what he did and apologise.

You also knew that it was an apology you would never get, because he had moved on with his life as sure as you had begun to move on with yours. You were now two pieces of separate puzzles, fitting into different masterpieces of your own designs.

There was no place for him in your life. You were clean of him.

Finally clean

Think I'm finally clean (ahh, ahh)

Think I'm finally clean

The journey home was weightless. You recalled the heavy ache in your chest the closer time moved to the party, and now it was gone. You contemplated if you might have felt better had you been able to look him in the eye and felt nothing, however you reminded yourself to be proud of the steps you had taken.

You may not be indifferent about him, but you did not want his approval anymore, or his validation - you were content with who you had become. You were clean.

[iffeelscouldkill]

The big picture

A/N: WHAT’S UP GUYS I’M BACK AND I WROTE A FIC. 

Not the steadily growing WIP that I’ve been talking about for weeks (that’s still ongoing) - this one is a companion fic to That’s why we do what we do because I was listening to Episode 10 and suddenly I needed to write Park’s perspective. And then of course it grew out of control and I wound up taking like a week and a half to finish it xD

This fic contains spoilers for TSCOSI Episode 10. I feel like it’s been long enough now that I don’t need to put the whole thing behind a cut, but still, spoilers!

Warning that this fic also deals with the fate of Team Two in a little bit of detail - not graphic detail, but it tells that scene from Park’s perspective, so heads up for sort-of-offscreen character deaths and the emotional impact thereof.

Agent Park has one goal going into the Plan: keep McCabe safe.

Of course he also wants to help the crew of the Rumor, and ideally make it out alive himself (priorities in that order), but large parts of those two things are out of his control. This, on the other hand...

He remembers McCabe’s face when Major General Frederick came to take him away; the way they defended him without hesitation to the highest-ranking General they had ever met. So few members of the IGR rank and file, no matter how new or green, would dream of doing something like that. But McCabe is different, and always has been.

He makes sure that McCabe sticks close to him even as Goodman and Clark peel off to patrol the labs. McCabe doesn’t seem to find it unusual, falling back into their old roles of superior and subordinate with something like relief. McCabe was never a ladder-climber, as much as they tried to pretend that they were. 

Really, he thinks that all McCabe ever wanted was a partner – someone who would treat them like an equal. That was all Park wanted, too.

“That ship’s empty,” he tells McCabe, as they announce their presence to a battered-looking but innocuous ship in the North-27 docks.

“How can you…?”

Park knows it’s not the Rumor because he’s been specifically told how to recognise it for the purposes of the Plan. But it isn’t hard to think up another explanation.

“Feel the side? It’s cold. Nobody’s flown it in hours.”

“That’s… really smart,” says McCabe, in the slowly delighted tone of someone who has been spending a lot of time around people who don’t comprehend logical or lateral thinking, and has just rediscovered an intellectual equal.

Back in the early days after McCabe had joined his team – after they’d loosened up a little and realised he wasn’t going to report them for being a human being with the occasional flaw – the two of them used to challenge each other with thought experiments and reasoning problems, charting different possible courses for the Rumor, extrapolating potential interception scenarios and theorising how the crew would react to different courses of action.

The Intergalactic Republic does not recruit for intelligence. In fact, they recruit for the exact opposite: an ability to follow orders in the face of logic and common sense (and often, ethics) – something which Park and the others are counting on heavily for the Plan to work. People of McCabe’s talent tend to wind up either becoming disillusioned and corrupt, defecting and getting taken away, or in rare cases, climbing to the top ranks of the organisation.

While he was around, Park had been doing his best to prevent any of those things from happening. It was probably naive of him to think that he could keep it up for very long.

“This one’s warm,” says McCabe with hushed excitement, and Park nods in approval.

“Go ahead.”

“Attention. Attention! This is Agent McCabe of the IGR--”

McCabe pauses as the message echoes back to them on a slight delay, playing through the audio device Park is carrying. “What’s that echo?”

“I’m picking up the transmission from the nanoswarm,” Park replies tensely.

“Why is the swarm—” But it doesn’t take McCabe more than a second to put two and two together. “It’s picking up my voice because it’s in this ship?”

Park switches on his walkie-talkie. Time to get the next part of the show on the road.

“Park to all agents. Park to all agents. Agent McCabe has located the Rumor. Sending you our location. Major General Frederick, please advise.”

He finishes by hitting the little button on his walkie-talkie that will send out a beacon with their precise location. In reality, he’s pretty sure that IGR-issued walkie-talkies are broadcasting their locations to upper management at all times (why would the Regime pass up a perfectly good opportunity to spy on its employees?), but he has to play the game. That’s what this is all about.

“This is Major General Frederick,” the Major General’s voice filters back through the walkie-talkie. “Stand by for Team Two.”

“Copy that,” Park confirms, and switches the walkie-talkie off.

“Now what?” McCabe asks.

“We stand by,” Park replies, dryly.

“Right,” says McCabe. Then, with the air of someone who has been desperate to bring this up,

“So, did you hear about the latest crackpot conspiracy from the Rumor? They said the Major General is developing the nanoswarm so we can use it when she starts another war with the Dwarnians. Ridiculous, right?”

“…Of course,” says Park, and even to his own ears he sounds unconvincing. He wishes he could tell them something more meaningful, or better yet, level with them about what’s going on. But Team Two will be here any minute, and he has no reason to believe that the IGR isn’t listening in on their conversation – especially as they stand feet away from an alien nanoswarm that was configured for constant surveillance.

“Um. How’s… Shelley?” asks McCabe after a beat of awkward silence.

“She’s fine,” says Park, a little too quickly. “Relieved,” he adds, at McCabe’s quizzical look.

Park hasn’t in fact spoken to Shelley since he was released from Zone Z. He’s not really sure what he would say. If everything goes well with the Plan, Park won’t be coming back to New Jupiter for a good, long while. And if it doesn’t, well… letting Shelley know that he was safe and that his name had been cleared right before he was either recaptured or (more likely) killed would just be cruel.

If he survives, then once they’ve made it a safe distance from New Jupiter, he’ll try and get a message to her.

Maybe.

“What happened to your eye?” McCabe asks. Park knew this was coming.

“Zone Z happened,” he replies, flatly.

“But… you didn’t do anything. Did you?”

Park knows that McCabe is grappling with the idea that he could come back to work, act fine, and still profess loyalty to the Regime - to the “Republic” - after what has been done to him. He also knows that IGR recruits are taught – and that McCabe still believes, however doubtfully – that only traitors and criminals of the very worst kind are sent to Zone Z, so they deserve every bit of the punishment meted out to them there. To have him walking around, demonstrably innocent, doesn’t sit well with that narrative.

There’s a reason that no-one comes back from Zone Z. But Park insisted. And luckily for him, the IGR is stretched and disorganised enough right now that it couldn’t afford to pass up the prospect of a trained, capable agent who knows the enemy returning to work.

Park told them he had a personal score to settle. It was the truth.

“In the end, I caused the Republic a lot of paperwork,” he tells McCabe, knowing exactly how flimsy and bureaucratic it sounds. “Every dead end is wasted time and energy.”

“But you didn’t do anything,” McCabe repeats.

Exactly, Park wants to say. You know that’s wrong. Trust the instincts that are telling you that this is not okay.

“During the war, we used to say sooner or later, we all make sacrifices,” he says instead. “The trick is to keep your focus on the big picture.”

“Oh… of course,” says McCabe uncertainly, as Team Two’s footsteps sound behind them, led by Agent Seiders.

Park watches impassively as Team Two cut their way in through the side of the ship. McCabe watches with narrowed eyes, and Park knows that they’re thinking this is far too easy.

“We’re in,” Seiders reports. “Any clue where they’re hiding?”

“Let’s see…”

Park adjusts the settings on his audio device until he’s picking up the transmission from the cockpit, Brian and Violet’s voices singing softly. “Sounds like the cockpit,” he replies.

In reality, there’s no way he would be able to tell that straight off, but Seiders takes it at face value.

“Copy that. Passing a storage room on my 9 o’clock, cockpit straight ahead. Think it’s safe to say they don’t see us coming.”

As the singing continues, McCabe’s eyes narrow even more and they shake their head, agitated. “Something’s wrong.”

“Too easy?” asks Park.

“Too familiar,” McCabe replies.

“What?” Seiders isn’t following.

“I’ve heard this before,” McCabe insists.

So has Park, but he pretends not to follow their meaning. “We… all have?”

“No, I’ve heard this before. They’re playing a recording!”

Fortunately for the Plan, Seiders’ ego won’t allow him to take a hint from someone else, least of all a lower-ranking Agent. “McCabe, as the senior agent here, I’m gonna make my own calls.”

“Incoming call from – Brian Jeeter,” ELLA’s voice sounds over the audio device.

“Computer, accept?”

Brian Jeeter’s voice comes through the speaker. “Computer, execute Sequence Five. Brian Jeeter out.”

The recorded singing abruptly cuts off.

“Team Leader Two!” Park says urgently. There should be just enough time for Team Two to get clear of the blast, but they need to move right now.

“This is for – Alvy Conners – the entire crew of – the Iris – and – Emily Craddock,” says ELLA pleasantly. “You – can’t – make – a person – disappear.”

Park has to hand it to the Rumor crew: they have style. The words send a shiver down his spine.

“Self destruct in ten…”

“Should we… retreat?” a young junior agent, uncertain but with far more common sense than Seiders, asks.

“Nine…”

“It’s a bluff – they don’t have that capability,” says Seiders, far too self-assured. Park almost swears. His arrogance is going to get his entire team killed.

“Eight…”

“Don’t risk it – get out of there!” he orders.

“Seven…”

“Hang on – they have a still, for moonshine,” says McCabe, because not even the probable threat of an explosion will stop them from reasoning through a situation.

“Six…”

“What if they recalibrated it—”

“Five…”

“Take your team out of there!” Park shouts more insistently, grabbing McCabe by the arm and pulling them backwards, outside the blast radius.

“Four…”

“Fine, let’s move!” Seiders finally says, with just three precious seconds to spare. Footsteps sound, and Park keeps his eyes on the hole in the ship wall, thinking about the time it takes to run from the cockpit to the outer door. Too long. But maybe if they jump clear—

The countdown reaches one, and the footsteps of Team Two stop.

“Told you it was a bluff,” says Seiders, confidently. It is the last thing he ever says.

“Goodbye.”

The Rumor explodes into a fireball of flame, a wave of heat like a wall slamming outwards, causing Park and McCabe to cringe back. Smoke pours from the blackened skeleton of the ship, and Park and McCabe choke and gasp for air.

“Holy—” McCabe manages.

Park switches on his walkie-talkie, though he’d be surprised if that explosion wasn’t heard across half of the complex. “Agent Park to Major General Frederick: the Rumor just… just self-destructed, taking out all of Team Two.” He doesn’t have to fake the defeated bitterness in his voice.

“We’ve been set up,” the Major General states grimly.

“Major General—” McCabe interjects, coughing. “In order for Jeeter to- set off the sequence, he must’ve had an eyeline to the ship. He’s got to be somewhere nearby.”

Park takes a moment to reflect on how much more difficult executing the Plan would be if the IGR had the common sense to put McCabe in a position of actual leadership.

“There’s no time to worry about that. That blast of heat means they’ve just set a swarm of rebooted nanoswarm on the loose. We need to secure the lab – now. Park, McCabe – go.”

As they move off, McCabe takes one last look at the remains of the Rumor, their expression haunted and shellshocked as the reality of what just happened to Team Two starts to sink in.

Goddamn it, Park, you had one fucking job, Park thinks, bitterly. He touches them on the arm, gently, and McCabe jumps as they come out of their trance.

“Come on,” he says in a low voice. “Let’s get out of here.”

Krejjh getting shot was not part of the Plan.

Well, okay, there were something like forty different versions of the Plan, which meant that technically most things were part of the Plan at some point. But Krejjh getting shot was not in the ideal version of the Plan (the one where things went well).

Neither the Rumor crew’s planning nor Park’s recollection of the lab security had accounted for the sheer number of guards stationed throughout the first floor of Advance Labs. Park thinks that the original plan had been for Arkady to take out any guards she encountered en route to Lab 1032 while Krejjh found a hiding place, but instead, the Dwarnian appears to be acting as a distraction: a loud, flashy, defiant, poetry-reciting distraction.

“What am I? I am your enemy incarnate! I am the dizzying swoop as gravity surrenders!”

McCabe motions for Park to be quiet as they steal towards the blind corner that Krejjh is currently careening towards, disabling guards with quick, precise gunshots as they go. Not that it’s really necessary – the Dwarnian is making enough noise to cover any footsteps.

“I am the sick-hot, blinding fire of ignition! Fear blinks before me, and death knows not my name.”

Park sees a look of calm focus come over McCabe’s face that he knows is them going into ‘sniper mode’. There’s nothing he can do to prevent this without blowing his cover, and it’s too early. The only good thing is that he knows McCabe won’t shoot to kill – partly because of the treaty, but also because kill shots are not McCabe’s style.

(He knows better than to hope that McCabe might miss, because McCabe never misses).

“I am more than you can possibly imagine! Heck yeah, hahaha- augh!”

Krejjh’s giddy laughter cuts off abruptly as McCabe hits them squarely on the knee. Ouch. Park is no expert on Dwarnian physiology, but if it’s even passingly similar to a human’s, that had to hurt.

“Good shot, McCabe,” Park says approvingly as the two of them round the corner. He’s being sincere – it was an excellent shot, perfectly aimed at a moving target in a way that would disable them without being fatal. “We’ll take it from here, Officer,” he adds, dismissing the remaining, shaken guard. The fewer witnesses they have for whatever is about to happen, the better.

McCabe stands up a little straighter, and Park thinks that there’s some pride mixed in with the triumph in their smile. “So! Krejjh Sh’Eejjhgreb,” they say, bearing down on Krejjh, who is slumped against the corridor wall.

“That’s- not how Dwarnian names work, champ,” Krejjh replies, strained. Park reminds himself that this is a gravely serious situation, and laughing would be totally inappropriate.

“Agent McCabe to Major General Frederick,” McCabe says, activating their walkie-talkie. “We have incapacitated Source D with a bullet to the knee! What is our next course of action?”

“Good work,” replies the Major General – and then she says the one thing that Park has been dreading. “Kill them.”

McCabe falters, the pleased expression on their face giving way to confusion and shock. “Uhh- Ma’am? If we kill a Dwarnian, especially the relative of a high-ranking diplomat…” McCabe’s tone is light, as if they’re expecting – hoping – to be told that this is all a misunderstanding.

“McCabe, your duty is not to ask questions. It’s to follow orders from the ones who know more than you,” Major General replies flatly. Park clenches his jaw, fighting down a surge of irritation and anger just as he’d done every other time a high-ranking member of the Regime spoke condescendingly to himself or his team. Especially his team.

He sees McCabe stiffen, and knows how much this must rankle. McCabe has always been defensive about their age and sensitive to comments about it – or to any implication that they don’t have the experience or the skills to hold the position that they do.

He knows it only makes them more determined to prove everyone wrong, but just for once, Park wishes that McCabe didn’t have to fight for every scrap of recognition, that they didn’t need to be ten times better than everyone else just to get noticed. He wants a way out of the IGR for both of them – not just for himself.

“Are we clear?” asks the Major General, and Park makes his decision.

“We’re clear, Ma’am,” he says.

To their credit, Krejjh immediately starts to play along, attempting to make a call to Brian Jeeter as if they know that this could be the last thing they will ever do. Park draws his gun and points it at their head, and their voice trails away.

“Agent Park?” McCabe asks, sounding shocked.

“Listen,” says Park, keeping his gun levelled at Krejjh but looking McCabe straight in the eyes. He has one shot at trying to communicate to McCabe what’s happening – to try and get them to understand.

If McCabe objects, or otherwise raises the alarm, the whole Plan will be shot to hell. But Park doesn’t think they will.

“My time at Zone Z reminded me why I signed up in the first place – why we do this work,” Park says with deliberate emphasis. “Keep the stakes in mind, and everything becomes simple. Stand back, McCabe.”

McCabe backs away several steps, still staring at Park numbly, as if they can’t quite comprehend what is about to happen.

Park may have recently lost an eye, but he knows his aim is still true. He used to practice shooting with one eye or the other closed, or with both eyes shut, because you never knew what conditions you might encounter in battle.

He’s not a patch on McCabe, but he doesn’t need to be for this.

Park squeezes the trigger twice, and two bullets embed themselves into the wall next to Krejjh’s head. Krejjh makes a choked-off noise and slumps down, then winks at McCabe, putting a finger to their lips.

McCabe is staring at Park like they’ve never seen him before. “You…”

“Humankind, McCabe,” says Park. It’s his last chance to try and explain. “That’s why we do what we do.”

“Agent Park?” McCabe asks in disbelief. But they haven’t given him away. To Major General Frederick, listening in on the whole exchange, it will just sound like the disbelief of a naive young Agent who has never witnessed bloodshed before.

Park had faith that they wouldn’t – it’s why he was prepared to gamble everything on this moment. But it still causes a warm feeling to spread through his chest as he activates his walkie-talkie again.

“Agent Park to Major General Frederick. It’s done.”

“Perfect.” Major General Frederick’s satisfaction practically oozes through the speaker. He imagines that she’s congratulating herself on the decision to send Park back to work – such a dedicated agent, such a loyal subject of the Regime. Everything that happened to him in Zone Z has only made him more focused and deadly. “Find a handcart, and bring the body down to Lab 1008. And don’t get too close – they’re still infected with the strain H nanoswarm.”

Park takes grim satisfaction in the fact that he’s directly working to undermine her toxic, fascist regime. He intends to be very deadly indeed.

“We’re aware, Major General. Roger that.”

Park retrieves a handcart from a storage cupboard halfway along the corridor and wheels it over to Krejjh, who grins as they hoist themself onto it. McCabe stands and watches them, looking extremely conflicted – presumably between their gut instinct and what they know is protocol.

It would be very easy for them to go for their gun right now and shoot him, or Krejjh, or both and claim that they didn’t act sooner because they were waiting to catch him with his guard down. But they don’t.

Park wheels the handcart around and looks at McCabe. He wants to ask them to come with him, but he has no idea how things are going to turn out after this, and McCabe is capable of making their own decisions about what to do. He hopes they’ll decide to lay low out of sight, then devise a plausible alibi – or better yet, use the confusion to escape.

“You’d better get out of here, McCabe,” he says in an undertone, before wheeling the handcart past, Dwarnian passenger and all.

Park wasn’t lying earlier about their saying from the war – about sacrifices and the big picture. It kept him going through the waking nightmare of Zone Z, and it’s kept him going since. But the big picture is only half of what makes it worth the fight.

He hopes that he’ll see McCabe again.

[xswestallen]

How has Iris been there for Caitlin?? Ok so she said once she wanted to change Caitlin's future too, but she didn't do anything practical to help Caitlin so it wasn't real support. Iris was going to die but Caitlin was facing fate worse then death. She said she'd rather die then be KF but that's what happened. Iris was saved. Caitlin was lost. Iris didn't try to get Caitlin out of KF like Barry, Cisco, & Julien. She never reached out to her but was high key offended that Caitlin didn't think of

her as a friend the next season. No shit Caitlin didn’t trust Iris in 4B when she said they’d get KF back together. Caitlin has to do it herself because Iris isn’t her friend.

Another thing, Iris only called Caitlin strong when she needed her to save her life. She wasn’t supportive she was using Caitlin for her powers. Iris and the other only have themselves to blame for KF coming out and trying to kill them. Caitlin warned them she couldn’t use her powers because it was too risky. They made her use them and KF got stronger.

First, Iris didn’t just say she wanted to change Caitlin’s future, she did try to help Caitlin practically. In 1x19, she tried to convince Barry that he shouldn’t run to 2024, but should stay in the present to continue searching for Caitlin who’d just died and come back as Killer Frost. It’s not Iris’ fault Barry didn’t listen to her. She tried to get him to focus on saving Caitlin when he was more concerned with saving her.

Iris also helped save Caitlin’s life by assisting Julian in the surgery Caitlin needed in 3x18. Caitlin has saved Iris’ life and Iris has saved Caitlin’s life. Saving your friend and teammate isn’t a competition of who’s saved the other more. Everyone on the team has helped each other at some point. None of them would be alive today if they didn’t have the others there to save them in the past.

Second, the writers didn’t give Iris and Killer Frost the chance to talk to each other. Iris tried to bring the Barry she knew out of Savitar, so it isn’t a stretch to think she’d try to bring Caitlin out of Killer Frost. The next time she saw Killer Frost in 4x05, she tried to talk to her. She was understanding and compassionate to everything Caitlin/Killer Frost has been through and never held even the slightest grudge despite what Killer Frost had done.

Third, in season 4 when Caitlin lost Killer Frost, Iris was there for her. When Caitlin was too afraid to look and see if she still had meta DNA, Iris offered to find out with her. She wanted to help Caitlin get Killer Frost back and Caitlin was extremely rude to her. That line, “No, I will.” was catty and came out of nowhere. It made no sense given the friendship they’d been building all of season 4 and I will never understand why some people loved it. 

I think you could make an argument that the team pushed Caitlin into using her powers and allowing Killer Frost to get stronger. But, they were in life or death situations that required Caitlin’s powers. If Caitlin hadn’t used her powers to save Barry from Savitar in 3x07, he could’ve been killed (nobody knew Savitar was Barry from the future so Savitar wouldn’t kill him). Barry credited her as saving his life. Was the team supposed to let Barry die? 

3x12 was another life or death scenario. Iris would’ve died waiting for the cure if Caitlin hadn’t frozen her wound. Iris truly believed in Caitlin being strong enough to not lose control. That wasn’t the first time Iris believed in Caitlin either. She’s complimented and thanked Caitlin for helping her and the team on multiple occasions since season 1. 

I know a lot of people hate Iris and want to pretend she’s some ungrateful and selfish monster, but she’s not. She’s always been there for Caitlin. She loves Caitlin, helps Caitlin, and has always wanted a friendship with Caitlin. You can try to twist the narrative by leaving out all of the things Iris has done for Caitlin, but anyone who watches the show will see that Iris has been a good friend.

[douxreviews]

The Flash - ‘We Are The Flash’ Review

“Now it ends.”

We’ve reached the culmination of the season-long march towards the iconic image of Barry sitting in The Thinker’s chair. You didn’t have to be a comic buff to see that coming.  You just needed to spend five minutes on the Internet once The Thinker was named this season’s Big Bad. Was it worth the wait? I think so.

I’ll be honest. My first response to the finale was disappointment. After last week’s cold open I was so hyped, I don’t know if anything could have lived up to my expectations.  The idea it took all of Team Flash to the defeat The Thinker was a given. I originally thought (and hoped) it would be a combination of the gifts and skills they brought to the table but I should have known better. If that was the case they could have defeated him at any point in the season. It made far more sense for it to be the strength of Team Flash’s emotional bonds.

As DeVoe’s intellectual abilities grew, his emotional awareness deteriorated to the point where emotions no longer figured into his calculations. This left him vulnerable and thanks to his increasing hubris, oblivious to those vulnerabilities. Thus we have the final confrontation. Barry traveling into DeVoe’s mind in search of the last shred of goodness based on Marlize’s belief that part of the man she married still lives in The Thinker. Wrong. He literally killed that part of himself in the mistaken belief that aspect had no value.

Yet her theory was sound. There was still goodness there. It was just in the form of Ralph Dibny. His willingness to sacrifice himself to save Barry completed his redemption arc and confirmed him as a hero. In addition to everything else this episode accomplished, it solidified Ralph’s position as a member of Team Flash. His actions, along with the others, led to The Thinker's ultimate defeat. And the name of the episode.

Cecile has become more than just Joe’s loving partner and the mother of the latest addition to his growing brood. Over the season she has become the mother that Iris and Barry never had, a friend and confidant to Caitlin, and a full-fledged member of Team Flash. Cecile's telepathic abilities from her bond with her unborn child are the literal representation of those connections. It granted her the power both to connect with the other members of Team Flash and enabled her to be the conduit Barry needed to link to DeVoe’s mind.

Joe’s love for his family gave Joe the ability to resist DeVoe’s mental control. While it wasn’t enough to stop DeVoe, it was proof of the power of love. Just as Barry’s love for Iris was what enabled him to hide his thoughts for his final mental showdown with The Thinker.

The sheer amount of narrative ground covered pushed Cisco’s story to the background but his relationship with Harry has been one of the highlights of the season and it was paid off here in both his vow not to lose anyone else and his heartbreak at learning that while his friend had been saved, Harry’s brilliant mind was lost forever.

Caitlin’s journey this season was more about coming to terms with the darker and lighter parts of herself and integrating this new version within Team Flash. Yes, I know that Killer Frost and Caitlin are separate identities. However, since they resided within the same body and Caitlin came to the conclusion that she is incomplete without Frost, I think my argument is valid. Besides, is there anyone who thinks Frost is gone for good?

Which leaves Harry. Harry thought of his intelligence as a force for good. The means of keeping Team Flash safe from any who would harm them.  However, he was not devoid of hubris and his arrogance could brook no intelligence greater than his own. This led to more and more reckless choices culminating in the loss of that intelligence. In a reverse image of DeVoe, as his intellect dwindled his emotional intelligence increased. And at several crucial moments, it was his emotional awareness that ultimately allowed him to succeed in protecting his team despite the exorbitant cost.

The idea Harry’s sacrifice would be the cost necessary to defeat The Thinker made narrative sense though logistically problematic. Given their love for Harry, he would always have a place with Team Flash whatever his intellectual shortcomings. Unfortunately, those shortcomings limited his narrative contributions which led The Powers That Be to have their cake and eat it too. Marlize’s cure restored Harry’s personality but not his intellect. This saves a beloved character and leaves open the possibility of him returning and/or regaining his intelligence at some later date while not entirely negating his sacrifice. Unfortunately, it also undercuts the power of that sacrifice.

The Powers That Be made multiple unexpected choices. Chief among them appearing to resolve the war with the Thinker in the first half hour and leaving the rest as a prologue to next season. However, this year’s focus on the bonds forged by family and friends also serves as the setup for the next. Both in terms of how Killer Frost intersects with Caitlin’s father and Barry and Iris’s daughter Nora.

No episode is perfect and finales have the additional burden of tying up all the threads of the past season. That said, I thought this was a fitting end for one of the Flash’s better Big Bads and it left me with enough questions to torture me over the long hiatus. Success.

4 out of 5 world-saving sonic punches

Parting Thoughts:

Barry might actually solve cases as Barry next season. It looks like the Mayor had a change of heart and he’s getting his job back.

They did a much better job of making me care what happened to Harry then last year’s finale. Or was it simply the product of knowing Harry longer than I knew HR?

After his misogynistic introduction I was surprised both that I missed Ralph, and that I’m looking forward to seeing him next year.

And while I know they aren't going in this direction, shouldn't Ralph have all the abilities The Thinker stole from the other metas?

I don’t know what pleased me more. Seeing Wally back in the bosom of his family. Or, the acknowledgment that there is no place for him with Team Flash. He’s a good fit over on Legends.

My suspicion that our mystery girl was Barry and Iris's daughter proved true, although I thought she'd be Dawn from the comics.

Quotes:

Iris: “What do you see?” Barry: “Nothing.” Cisco: “A little vague for the viewers at home. What do you mean, ‘nothing’?”

Cisco: “Everyone chill. It’s not like Cecile is going to lose her powers if she has this baby. Cecile’s going to lose her powers if she has this baby? Won’t that leave Barry stranded in DeVoe’s mind?” Marlize: I’m afraid so. Cisco: “Information you may have wanted to share, like, way before now!”

Cisco: “I won’t lose anyone else today.”

Barry: “Have you seen him?” Dibny: “A good DeVoe? No. Just the evil, floating chair variety.”

DeVoe: “They’ll be no defeating The Big Bad this year, Mr. Allen.”

DeVoe: “We are gathered here today to worship in song. I suggest ‘Kumbaya.’”

Dibny: “Allen, you said the only way to save the world is by finding the good that’s left in DeVoe. It’s right here. With a hole in its chest.”

Barry: “They can read our minds.” Dibny: “Then we do this Dibny-style.” Barry: “What?” Dibny: “We don’t think.”

DeVoe: “How did you beat me?” Barry: “I didn’t. We did.”

Marlize: “Goodbye, My Love.”

Harry: “Don’t worry. You have been and will always be my friend.”

Barry: “Who are you?” Nora: “I’m your daughter, Nora. From the future.”

--

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape

[thesinglesjukebox]

ROSALíA - MALAMENTE

[8.23]

This song won Best Alternative Song and Best Urban Fusion/Performance, and based on this score, probably should have won everything else too.

Leonel Manzanares de la Rosa: Flamenco-pop, flamenco-tinged R&B, even flamenco rap and flamenco-reggaetón, are nothing new -- past heroes like Rosario, Bebé, Chambao, Papá Levante and fusion legends Ojos de Brujo all have enjoyed international projection and can be considered Rosalía's natural predecessors in that aspect. Rosalía gladly and effectively acknowledges that tradition while contributing to it with her empowered R&B-flavored chants, and the latin urban sensibilities in El Guincho's productions. "Malamente" establishes an interesting dynamic between the modern synths and pads and the traditional palmas a compás, which work in counter-rhythm to her cante, for a track that offers a glimpse into the percussive complexities of rumba while feeling at home in one of those alt-pop playlists. It's a new step in flamenco's legacy. [8]

Crystal Leww: My introduction to Rosalía was her feature on J. Balvin's latest album, a quiet, downtempo, fluttering track among an album of reggaetón bangers. At the Latin Grammys, she beat his monster of a tune "Mi Gente" for Urban/Fusion performance with "Malamente." It's easy to see why: this is slinky and sensual with plenty of interesting flourishes in the production as well as her very own vocal performance. It's perfect critic bait, as it stands out as driving towards a very specific sound, a re-imagining of a largely left behind musical genre in flamenco. The handclaps, the asides, the breaking of the glass, the reverb, the "tra! tra!" -- all of these should take you out of such a quiet song, but Rosalía does just enough without crossing the line. Enric Palau, director of Sónar music festival in Spain recently said that she could be the Rihanna of flamenco. And don't get me wrong, I love Rihanna, but she never had the vision to do something like this. [7]

Alfred Soto: Relistening to Radiohead is not an experience to which I often submit myself, but their use of hand claps, programmed or otherwise, loosened me up for what Rosalía attempts on "Malamente," complete with mournful keyboard. [7]

Nortey Dowuona: Twirling, circular drums wind up around the soft synths, with Rosalía's gentle, short singing and claps carefully herding them together into the field. [8]

William John: We don't have any Andalusian writers on the Singles Jukebox roster, as far as I know, which is a shame in this instance because I've been desperate to read something in English about Rosalía from that perspective that isn't a garbled translation derived from Google software. Rosalía is Catalan, but has sent shockwaves through Spain that are slowly permeating into other Western markets (I confess to learning of her from a Dua Lipa tweet); the shockwaves are in part due to her striking videos, overseen by CANADA (also responsible for that memorable El Guincho video a few years back, who incidentally handles production here), but also for her use of gitanx imagery and accents as a non-gitana. She's addressed these matters with defensiveness and naivety in interviews, and thus in Spain is the subject of some controversy. To her credit, she has worked with Las Negris, a group whose members are part of the Montoyita flamenco dynasty, on this song and elsewhere on her album El mal querer, and she seems to be both a devoted student of flamenco tradition and aware of her place in its world. Her designation as a pioneer, as someone revolutionising a centuries-old artform, seems to have come from media outside Spain more than anywhere else, and it's important to acknowledge that though she presents a perspective that may initially strike Anglo listeners as unusual, she's not the first and likely not the last flamenco artist to add personal flourish to this esteemed cultural institution. But when you watch her in "Malamente," with its portentous murmuring and dramatic "tra TRA!" hook -- one of the year's most insidious -- as she variously claps with menace leaning over the steering wheel of a truck, is raised up by forklift like a martyr to the pyre, and sits atop a frozen motorcycle, flagged down by a matador, with an expression of incredible intensity, isn't her baptism as a revolutionary, future world conqueror the most obvious conclusion? [9]

Iris Xie: Something about this song is instinctual, velvety, and haunting, like it will grab you by the chest and then dare you to explore what lies in the world that it came from. Inside of its vortex, it conjures up the perfect environment for being audacious enough to dance on a cutie that you see at the club, and there's enough breathing space in between the instrumentals and vocals to cultivate a chemistry and charisma after. There's a stunning pre-chorus from 1:34 that reminds me of the high, dreamy vocals in some Bollywood sequences, before it drops back low into a whispered chorus that undulates with a mesmerizing repetition. You can't help but dance along to that. It's a siren's song, remixed for 2018 and creeping along to a venue near you. [8]

Stephen Eisermann: Growing up, I was always enthralled by (what I thought was) gypsy culture. Clearly, the problematic media portrayals in both Disney movies and novelas my mom had playing in the background gave me a limited and exoticized view of gypsy culture and even now as I've taken the time to learn more, its hard to shake predispositions if the past. This song, very clearly R&B but with Latin tinges and seemingly Arab pop phrasing, is a culmination of all sounds that feel mysterious, as if the sound coming from my speakers form together to make that image of a gypsy from my past. All at once I'm enthralled and embarrassed, knowing that I should move past negative media portrayals yet entranced by the imagery this song brings to mind. [8]

Pedro João Santos: By releasing "Malamente," Rosalía achieved that moment of conquering the pop sphere all at once, in the span of 2:30. Aong with co-author El Guincho, Rosalía never relinquishes control, and they distill flamenco into sleek, diligently-precise soundscapes. That sonic mesh, differing from the traditional approach taken on her last album, has been the subject of controversy. I highly recommend reading from all points of view on the matter of cultural appropriation and, although that of the Andalusian community prevails, it's hard to grasp everything. This is a single that defies expectations of what an inaugural moment of pop domination is -- its foreboding edge, the multilayered sound, the conceptual richness (most evident if its parent album) -- and takes other expectations to an extreme -- vocal prowess is conspicuous, but my favorite part is how hooks are thrown relentlessly at the forefront and into the background. Within just ten seconds: "Así sí? Tra tra! Mal, muy mal, muy mal, muy mal... Mira! Toma que toma." Instant yet disorienting, seamless yet complex. In any measure other than cultural sensibility, as Rosalía's use of flamenco will continue to be the center of debate: it's bulletproof. [9]

Will Adams: The handclaps alone would have convinced me, but it's Rosalía's steely confidence that makes "Malamente" worth revisiting. [7]

Edward Okulicz: It's a short song, but it's so packed with intoxicating and instantly gratifying hooks and smaller, subtle details that make it so satisfying to dive deeply into. Rosalía's voice embodies so many moods in such a short time that one can't help but be impressed at her performance and composition. She sings, she whispers, she interjects her catchiest lines with other catchy parts. The clapping rhythm is infectious, and the song generates so much heat I'm sure my blood raised the temperature of my body a couple of degrees after having it on repeat for an hour. After that, I put it on for another hour. [9]

Juan F. Carruyo: Some friends of mine hyped Rosalía to me by claiming she was "inventing a whole new genre," which is probably a disservice to the successful fusion she and her co-conspirator El Guincho manage here: a bare bones production that's rescued by a sultry flamenco melody and lots and lots of attitude. This is the one that blew up because it's her most global, retaining just enough of an exotic touch to draw people in -- the handclaps, the slang that gives the song its title -- but also holding back from her virtuous pipes. [9]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Rosalía's sophomore album was inspired by a 13th century fable entitled The Romance of Flamenca, a classic love triangle story that centers on Count Archimbaut's jealousy-fueled transformation toward insanity. He eventually imprisons his wife -- the eponymous Flamenca -- in a tower, allowing her to leave its confines for no more than two reasons: bathing and mass. He was meant to represent the very opposite of courtly behavior to the story's readers, and yet, this portrait of a powerful man restricting a woman's life is just as necessary today. There's consequently no greater statement that could have started El mal querer than its lead single, "Malamente." The interaction of its flamenco palmas with minimal percussion and synth pulses pits listeners in a space between the traditional and contemporary. Even more, the spacious world that she and El Guincho create is simultaneously anxious and impassioned. Rosalía's vocalizing glides smoothly along the beat before sharply piercing listeners with jaleo in the form of "illo!" and "tra, tra!" adlibs. In the album's narrative, "Malamente" prefaces Archimbaut and Flamenca's wedding, and the track's subtitle indicates that the song is an omen. What is it foretelling, exactly? Well, it warns of the tumultuous relationship that's to come from the Count and his wife, but it's also a declaration that Rosalía is putting forth regarding her music, that it's going to be charting unfamiliar territory. Critics may, and have, decried "Malamente" as being disingenuous to flamenco's roots, positing that Rosalía is a mere cultural appropriater. This is despite her time spent at the Catalonia College of Music, a school where only one student per year is admitted to studying flamenco, and whose flamenco teacher commented that Rosalía was their most memorable pupil. She also has been vocal in wanting to collaborate with people outside the world of flamenco, and has already met with artists such as Pharrell and Arca. In a sense, Rosalía's critics try to force her into her own proverbial tower, but it's clear that she won't stay inside. With "Malamente," she delivers that very message to whoever will listen, reimagining new stories for Flamenca and flamenco in the process. [9]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: The way "Malamente" worms into your brain, dancing in as this amorphous thing pulsating polyrhythmically and working in tones just barely within the boundaries of pop music, is deeply compelling. Even more compelling is what Rosalía does with it: over the funhouse-mirror flamenco-R&B palace she builds, the Catalonian singer's precisely sung portrait of fractured fate and consequences feels real and haunted in a way that few pop songs truly are. [9]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

[coldtomyflash]

What do you think about Killer Frost? Like the concept of her... of Caitlin becoming evil... maybe not what the show has done with her, per se, but... the idea of her.

Thanks for your patience on this one. I’ve been collecting my thoughts on it, because it’s a broad question that actually cross-sects a couple of seasons, different versions of a character, and there’s the issue of the meta-textual analysis of the character versus the within canon one.

I’ve broken them down below the cut, but the tl:dr for anyone who doesn’t want to read a full analysis: the metaphor for dissociative identity disorder that Killer Frost represents is ableist and bad, but the narrative for the character is unarguably the best she’s had and lends something to the team and the conflict. There are ways they could have navigated all of this better though, and them chickening out of making Caitlin into Killer Frost full time is where we lose the most in canon from what this story could’ve been.

Metatextually, I’m not sure I like what they’ve done with Killer Frost. This is largely because it’s ableist, and it’s sexist.

On the ableist front, Killer Frost represents the science fiction version of dissociative identity disorder. It’s pretty blatantly the case - she’s an alter who takes command and who’s actions Caitlin has little to no recollection of, though Caitlin is aware of her prescence and some of what she gets up to (e.g., that she went to Burning Man). She comes out to protect Caitlin more often than not, and when Caitlin ‘sleeps’. And she remembers all of what Caitlin does.

They are distinct identities sharing the same body, and not in a way where each has ever existed separately but where Frost explicitly developed out of Caitlin. 

It’s science-fictiony because it involves metahuman powers, hair colour changes, and isn’t really that in keeping with actual practice of people who have DID, and it’s ableist because it’s a very toxic representation of DID. Pretty much everyone who has DID has suffered typically pretty severe abuse and pretty much always in childhood. Symptoms manifest through that and over the lifespan, and not when a person gets magical (metahuman) powers. 

Also, representing what basically amounts to DID as evil and villainous and uncaring? Not good. People with DID are victims, not violent and cruel and cold-hearted. This issue is repetitive across most representations of DID in media, including the movie Split. 

So… I have issues with that, ultimately. Mostly in the “stop making mentally ill people evil” vein. Even if it wasn’t a perfect representation of DID, I know they’re basically trying to pretend it’s not DID - “she’s a metahuman, it’s different, that’s why it is this way”. Which to me falls a bit flat, particularly with how they’ve done it, but if she wasn’t evil then the overall connotations wouldn’t be so bad.

(And yes, she might be ‘less’ evil moving forward, but she started as a villain and it’s only because she has a ‘good’ side that she stopped hurting people and trying to kill them, so???)

And it’s sexist too. Why? Because The Flash has done this before, but only with female villains. Remember Magenta?

Basically the same deal, though at least they represent her storyline of abuse in a much more accurate and respectful manner. The DID likely existed before the powers, but her powers manifested largely through only one of her alters and gave that identity the power to fight back against the abuse instead of just suffer it. 

But guess when else we also saw this?

Anyone else sensing a theme here? Eliza’s (Trajectory’s) issues came about as representing an issue of addiction, but it seems like Velocity made her have hallucinations of an alternate identity that she became after she took the drug. Also just a really terrible and ableist way to represent drug addiction, hallucinations, and potentially alters.

Note that we’ve never seen any men on this show have quite this same pattern of issues. Like women, powers may exacerbate their underlying angers and resentments, but they don’t seem to manifest these issues on The Flash the same way that female villains do. And I’ve talked about this before with these three characters, but let it said again:

“…things like Velocity or meta-powers… make (in this case) nice and sweet women turn into demon harpies but it’s not “their fault, that’s not who they really are, it’s the drug/powers.”

Basically, it’s a tired trope, and given that they’ve only had it play out with female characters, it smells a little like “all women are [secretly] crazy/hysterical” misogyny.”

So that’s… one side of the Killer Frost coin. And of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, it’s definitely the Ugly. But a within-canon and narrative evaluation goes in a few different directions instead.

Within-canon, Killer Frost is the most interesting thing to happen to Caitlin and was narratively necessary to make her add to the story instead of being sidelined by it.

First off, Caitlin’s narratives were… floundering, before this. I don’t think I need to explain why rehashing her constantly finding love and losing it and grieving over and over became a very tired plot and ultimately made her character feel like she wasn’t even that secure on the team eventually.

Earth 2 Killer Frost was (to me) the most exciting part of S2 for Caitlin. An evil version of her, one who became conflicted, one who disavowed even her own name, one who saved the team but was still selfish. One who was so diametrically opposed to Caitlin as this intense foil.

This was interesting. This was fresh.

So when, in S3, they set Caitlin on the path to being Killer Frost, I was pretty excited. The team was (is) overpowered in terms of metas, and losing Caitlin and making her a villain was an exciting way to balance that out. Not to mention that she finally got a story that didn’t revolve around falling in love and grieving, but which was about herself and an internal struggle. While I still hate the “powers make you evil / powers gave her DID and her alter is evil” element they went with, the narrative balancing act gave her character more purpose to the main/ongoing story than she had had in a long time.

For the first time since helping find Ronnie in S1, Killer Frost as part of Caitin meant that she was driving her own story and driving the plot instead of helplessly strapped to whatever direction it took her.

And then, of course, Caitlin died, and to ‘save’ her, Julian stole her meta-dampener and caused her to go “full Killer Frost”. This isn’t just my idea, I read someone else say that Caitlin truly died at that moment, and I think that’s something to consider. 

The problem with the narrative moving forward is that this was a turning point for Caitlin and should have remained The turning point, the definitive one.

Narratively, I think it would be useful if we could conclusively think of this moment as the death of Caitlin and the birth of Frost, full stop and forevermore. It would take care of a lot of the DID stuff, to be totally honest. It wouldn’t be that Caitlin and Frost are two separate identities or that Frost is an alter of Caitlin, it would be that once the cold (her powers) gripped Caitlin’s heart, she was fundamentally altered and became different. Still kind of a “powers make you evil” story but that’s at least balanced out by how many people we’ve finally seen with powers who aren’t evil (though seriously, more benign metas, please).

This complete change into Frost wouldn’t have ultimately changed much in S3, if anything. We’d seen Caitlin use her powers for good ends, before becoming Frost, and we’d seen E2 Killer Frost use her powers to help the team and for semi-altruistic acts (well, mostly helpful revenge) as well as selfish evil ones. We also saw Frost help the team get Barry’s memories back, and hesitate more than once. It was often like she was trying too hard to be evil, to be ‘Killer’ Frost.

It was too much. Even Savitar knew she wasn’t truly evil.

So we could have accepted after the end of S3 that it wasn’t that she was evil, it was that she didn’t know what else to be or how else to live up to this legacy and navigate the powers she didn’t want and which changed her. This would be especially with all the anger and resentment she’s built up over years of job loss and grief and being used and having some post-traumatic stress from being kidnapped (thanks Zoom), not to mention not being fully in control of her own brain and body once she got powers, and then Julian disrespecting her wish to die without becoming this.

So this scene at the end of S3…

…would still stand. Everything pretty much stays the same until then, I would argue. The only thing I would add is that she would say that no, she’s not Killer  Frost. She’s never going to be her E2 counterpoint. She’s just Frost. And that would be her proper name moving into S4. 

So the major problem now is that Season 4 is missing the boat again with this character.

Because now we have Caitlin ‘back’. We lost her and thought she was dead and forever altered and now that’s been essentially retconned. Her saying she isn’t Caitlin and isn’t Killer Frost was pointless. That duality is back.

And because of that, we’re essentially re-hashing the S3 struggle between her and Frost, though Frost isn’t ‘evil’ per se at this point. Her and Caitlin manage to navigate their differences in a much better manner. But honestly? I don’t know they wrote it as there being anything to navigate. I don’t know why we saw this:

Cold without powers. What does it add? 

I mean, I understand: Caitlin is a team member, and there is sentimentality there. It’s a hard pill to swallow if she were truly ‘dead’. But it was the implication of S3. And the best scenes of her in S4 so far have been Frost. It’s been Frost interacting with other ladies in particular, but especially Frost interacting with Iris.

This shit, right here. I would have preferred a narrative where Frost listens to Iris and almost no one else, because Iris is the person who’s death she almost orchestrated and Iris is the one who killed Savitar and set Frost free of his manipulation in doing so.

Wouldn’t it be so neat to see Frost slowly become friends with Iris and make amends to her for that? To become genuinely close in a way that Caitlin never managed to be with Iris? To tell it like it is and have more cutthroat ambitions and comments than Caitlin did, not because Caitlin didn’t think them, but because Caitlin was too soft to voice them. Have it become more clear over time that Frost is so much of what Caitlin was, just without the inhibition. Have it become clear over S4 that Caitlin isn’t dead (but she is, but she’s not) because Frost is still her. 

Caitlin the bartender was dull. Frost the team anti-villain (antihero?) is narratively rich.

And can you imagine Cisco and Caitlin in this scene in episode 1 if she was still Frost instead?

Him basically saying “I know that you’re different, but you’re still my friend” and her accepting that yeah, okay, she is different, but maybe she can still help the team. Note, this wouldn’t be Caitlin saying it, it would be Frost. The identity, the person, who wreaked all this damage, acknowledging that yes, despite the cold in her heart, she is willing to help them.

And I mean… maybe Cisco wouldn’t go to her immediately, in that case. Maybe he’d wait until they unstuck Barry from the speedforce and he was unwell, and then Cisco would ask Caitlin to help him with that, to see if something was wrong with Barry that she could detect or figure out. 

And that’d be when she realizes that even though she’s hurt these people, she can also still help them. (And wouldn’t that say something more about culpability and about making amends and learning to be a better person despite your anger and coldness?) The rest of her arc with Amunet and everyone else would still hold true, it would just be all Frost all the time.

(Of course, in a perfect world such as this, Dibny wouldn’t be a main/recurring because Frost would already create enough friction on the team as-is, especially the first time she meets Harry. Not only did she help cause HR’s death, she’s also so much like the Killer Frost from E2 who helped Zoom, and Harry might have a Reaction to that. In my dream world we’d also still have Wally around but now I’m getting off track. I’m also super curious how Cynthia would respond to Frost, to be totally honest. See, there’s just so much potential!).

So that’s… all I have to say about that. :)

[valeriemperez]

Could you do a gifset with the part where Barry turns around in 4x01 from the promo where we see his face (in the field after he's saved Iris) and the version from the episode where when he turns around we see Iris' face?

I didn’t even notice this didn’t make the episode cut! Here you go.

I remember at the beginning of the season AJK alluded to the fact that after WA got married they would face challenges that would test the strength of their marriage, do you think the current lack of WA closeness is a foreshadowing of what might be to come for WA as a couple?

I do not think it is, because this is not purposeful or part of the narrative. Some fans feel like there aren’t enough WA scenes, but in-universe they are as happy and in love as ever. If they weren’t, then Iris would be saying she feels a gulf between herself and Barry instead of them resolving their issues in 4.02.

That being said, I do think that there will be several obstacles in their way once they get married. I just do not think their love for one another will be tested, rather them as a team navigating said obstacles.

Iris Night Out trended right? Do you know if anything about Caitlin or Killer Frost trended?

Yes, Iris Night Out trended in the US. Plenty of people tweeted about Caitlin/KF, but neither one trended.

the writers of the flash are getting really lazy or just being complacent with not making storylines, narratives, or character developments add up. In what world would Barry Allen (our barry allen who is super protective of iris) be okay and nonchalantly ask Iris if she was alright after he missed 17 of her calls? How does KF not remember anything?

I don’t think his reaction to the 17 missed calls was particularly OOC, just because he was still kinda drunk and she was right there so she was obviously fine. But I do think they could have mined a few more WA moments out of the ep. KF/Cait not remembering each other’s actions is for sure a retcon, but it’s one I accept.

1/3 Honestly the writers really dropped the ball on the KF storyline in general. They either should’ve committed fully to her being a villain/morally grey character who is in control of her actions or play it like a possession where Caitlin tries her hardest to control the “beast” inside of her, but ultimately fails & is stuck watching as KF hurts the people she cares about. Instead they decided to straddle the line by having her do all these awful things, have other characters say that she’s in2/3 control, but then not hold her accountable for her actions when things have settled. As a result it made a lot of people who were neutral about her flat out hate her. They were lazy and didn’t want to spend time actually addressing what happened last season and now we have this rushed mess. The sad part is they could even chosen to have Caitlin return to the group fairly soon after Barry left for the speedforce and say or show through a few flashbacks that Caitlin & Iris got closer in the3/3 months that he was gone. They could have had them bond because Caitlin remembers losing Ronnie in a similar way and she knows how Iris is feeling. In the first episode they could have had her worrying about Iris because she remembers how closed she off was when she lost Ronnie and she sees that Iris is doing the same thing to an extent and wants to help her. I mean it still would have been rushed, but at least the moh thing would have been more earned.

I agree with all of this, but I must admit that I think 4.05 on its own treated KF the most believably… As long as you ignore everything that came before.

ok, so i gotta be honest. there’s a coldness btw the actors that i don’t think can be overcome even if they tried to make Iris and Caitlin friends. Iris and Felicity seemed like they liked each other more, there was a natural rapport btw the actresses, and they’ve barely interacted. but at the end even when Iris asks her to be the maid of honor and they hug, it was stiff and awkward and it just doesn’t work. i think it’s more than writing in this case.

I didn’t think Iris/Cait was as stiff as you did, but I agree Iris/Felicity have much more natural chemistry. I can believe their friendship easily despite not having seen it onscreen much.

[kacebox]

Shipping Just Sucks For Me

I’m going to share with you all here on Tumblr a little bit of frustration I have when it comes to enjoying whatever fictional dramas I do.  Be they TV shows or some film franchise, it always seems to be the same.

I didn’t know the term “shipping” even existed until about Summer 2004 when I started frequenting some L Word message boards.  It was a bit of internet language I wasn’t familiar with.  From there I was introduced to concepts like ship names, names based on whatever pairings, romantically or otherwise from some show or movie.  I remember an early favorite of mine was a friendship based one from TLW called AlShaDane, based on a trio of friends, Alice Pieszecki, Shane MacCutcheon, and Dana Fairbanks.  There was Dana/Lara and when that fell through, there was Alice/Dana aka Danish.

For TLW, the big one and the one that still persists to something else I was introduced to in 2004, FanFic was TiBette, Bette/Tina.  That was the first truly fierce, “ride or die” ship fandom I can recall and it’s still rather fierce.

Eventually I learned what I could of the terminology so I could apply it to my own fandom.  The L Word aka TLW was important in teaching me a lot of stuff I wasn’t familiar with, but also teaching something else important and that’s shipping disappointment, also fandom disappointment.

TLW prepared me to deal with a lot of bullshit I’ve noticed when it comes to the fandoms I represent.  Dana Fairbanks was my favorite character.  She had the most intriguing story overall as it concerned the main characters.  Naturally, she’s the one the writers decided to kill off in Season 3 while she was already in the middle of a gripping enough storyline involving herself, Alice, and Lara.  I had also become a fan of the Shane/Carmen pairing and of course that died at the end of Season 3.

I remember writing the first (and only successful) fanfic based on the trauma that I and some other fans had dealt with as a result of that season.  I’ve tried here and there to write some stuff since, but I’m fucking horrible at writing.

By the time TLW ended in 2009, it felt like a mercy killing and it would be a while before I was able to watch anything though I should point out I did watch FlashForward for the freak show effect of the plot.

2013 was when I finally started opening back up to watching any shows again, starting with Agents of SHIELD and The Blacklist.  Eventually I would catch up on some other shows I eventually became interested.  In 2015, Supergirl would burst on the scene and that show quickly went from curiosity to my favorite show, the reason why episodic TV was worth it.  I became a big fan of the Danvers sisters and how they dealt with the growing pains of Kara growing into being a superhero and the support and love from Alex who had always been there for her since Kara showed up at the Danvers’ doorstep.

Unfortunately, Supergirl had to deal with CBS during Season 1, but thankfully the show as able to move over to the CW where I figured things might open up.  I admit, my initial reaction to Maggie showing up had me at “Huh?”  Then I remembered, it probably wasn’t likely Maggie was gonna show up on Gotham and date the future Batwoman who herself has yet to appear on that show.

Then Season 2 came along and Alex and Maggie started interacting.  There was an instant chemistry to it.  Sanvers wasn’t like Olicity where I figured “Yeah I like it, but understand Oliver’s got that “destined loner” thing going against him (see: MacCutcheon, Shane).  Like I said, TLW prepared me for this shit.

Sure there’s Barry/Iris, but that’s cheating as OF COURSE they’re supposed to be together.  Then Sanvers happened.  Cue the Sigma song with Rita Ora, “Coming Home” and that first kiss.  It was Dana/Lara all over again for me.  I remember how that one ended.  Again, that show prepared me.

Yet still, here we are in 2017 and this amazing story with an amazing pairing of characters featuring actors with chemistry and empathy for the situation their characters are in yet we’re on the verge of the oil slick into the ravine, assuming it’s not there already.

Disappointment is disappointment and sure a good fanfic doesn’t hurt when it comes to distractions, but that can only get so far.  Heck at one point last year I attempted (and failed) to write some story where not only were Jessica Jones and Felicity Smoak were a couple, but Supergirl and Quake were also one, because just the idea of that impossible pairing was too good to pass up without at least giving it a shot.

Again though, it’s fanfic.  Anything may go there, but the writers of the official stuff still helm the controls.  Creative and the network dictate what they can with the official narrative and there’s not much we can do about it.  Based on my avatar as of this writing, it’s apparent that I’m a big Holtzbert fan as well, based on Jillian Holtzmann and Erin Gilbert from Ghostbusters (2016), my favorite of the Gb films.  Sadly, I don’t think that will ever be successfully addressed either in a sequel that might not ever happen to the comic adaptation that currently gets to form the narrative, courtesy of IDW Publishing.

Which brings me back to Sanvers.  Here’s what the current state of Supergirl has done to me.  Keep in mind, this is still my favorite show, but I’ve gone from watching the show as it airs to DVR’ing it for later to delaying watching it and the other shows I’m into.  I’m currently 2 weeks behind and this Monday it might be 3.  I’m still keeping up thanks to social media, but it sure does make me feel apprehensive about hitting Play.

Everything is veering towards an inevitable breakup and I’m none too pleased about this.  I get that Floriana Lima, who plays Maggie is up for checking out some other gigs while she can and that’s fine.  I get that Creative is more interested in teasing the Supercorp (Kara/Lena) fans while shoehorning Karamel (Kara/Mon-El) in even when they’re not together.

Don’t get me wrong Karamelers, I’m not anti-Karamel necessarily.  I think they’re good together.  It’s just not something I feel strongly about either way.  I love that Team Karamel is ride or die for their favorite couple.  I dig that.  I also dig Team Supercorp and they’re undying faith in a concept no doubt feel should be given a chance.  I know that feeling well.  Unfortunately, I also know what it’s like to be disappointed at such a chance not being taken.

I don’t like feeling strongly about ships.  Again, I learned from TLW that’s a quick access point to resentment toward strangers trying to write their narrative.  With the exception of some likes or whatnot on social media I’ve tried keeping all this in check, but I admit it’s getting harder to do that.  There’s this level of bile building up, a level that I haven’t felt since Losing the Light on March 12, 2006.  Trust me when I say I was not particularly pleasant that night.

If/when the big Sanvers breakup happens on Sg, I’ll likely find out about it before I get around to watching it and it’s still gonna suck. 

These people have lives.

These people have jobs to do.

These people are just trying to tell some story the best they can.

That’s me trying to remind myself to be rational.  That’s me trying to remind myself that ultimately this is fictional bullshit that should have no effect on my or anyone else’s life.

Then I remember how wrong I am.  Then I remember the families who shared their stories about how the Danvers sisters dynamic was huge for them, especially those with a birthed child and one adopted.  Then I remember the past year of reading just how powerful Alex’s coming out and the relationship with Maggie became instrumental in their lives.  I remember thinking to myself “Wow” when it came to others struggling to come out and struggling with acceptance, struggling with all of these real life issues that Chyler Leigh has been able to provide her acting prowess to as Alex and how meaningful the Alex/Maggie relationship became.

This wasn’t just some TiBette shit where people simply loved the chemistry in everything Jennifer Beals (Bette) and Laurel Holloman (Tina) brought to the table in making the rollercoaster ride of that relationship work on screen.  It wasn’t just about how natural they made it look, how organic it came off as.  Sanvers wasn’t just some crazy idea worth checking.  We weren’t interested in being baited.  We weren’t interested in Sg Creative declaring, “hey let’s try a lesbian thing on here and see how it goes.”  As the SEC football fans and marketing puts it, “it just means more.”  We had no interest in Sanvers being some kind of exploitation project to attract the GLAAD viewers.  For many of us it became personal, deeply personal.  I have a bad feeling that once all this plays out the way it’s apparently going to, that by the time they’re able to resolve it, it’s going to be too late.  When fans declare that “Sanvers is my endgame,” they’re not fucking kidding.  Something to understand about LGBTQ viewers, myself representing the “B” side to that.  We don’t like being dicked around.  We don’t have time for it.  We don’t have to be baited and we’re not interested in being thrown a damn scrap here and there. 

Whether Sg Creative meant it, they tapped into something that’s become meaningful for many of us.  For me it’s idealism mixed with some realism, which I realize is a bit crazy as it comes to a show about a flying white lady alien who among her superpowers is being able to do all that fighting and not get a single run in those tights.

Alex/Maggie is getting into Dana Fairbanks territory.  It’s getting into Losing the Light territory.  As much as creative has a right to tell their stories as best they can, I and other Sanvers supporters have a right to not be happy about it and be rather vocal about it.

I won’t allow for any ship to be my endgame. I just won’t.  That said, even with the now apprehensive viewing, there’s going to be that disappointment.  The previous decade, TLW made me realize that I was more of a fan for what the show could be than what it was.  Supergirl with all those powers and abilities is going to wind up being the same.  That just sucks.

Sanvers matters.  Sanvers fans should also matter.

[nebescriben]

“The villain is fully aware of the hero/villain, plot armor, good always wins mechanic. But that doesn’t mean they’re not going to try their best to make the hero suffer before they go down”

When I first met him, I was unaware of such plaguing emotions and thought of him as simpleminded and naive. He came into my shop looking for flowers on Halloween of all days dressed in a vibrant collection of reds and greens with a smile as bright as his dyed pink hair. I admit I took some if not a hint of interest, even dressed in such blinding clothes I could appreciate the contrast of his pink curls bouncing above the fuzz down black of his undercut as he practically danced around the aisles. His almost feminine face and sinfully curvy figure caught my eyes as well, but nothing not his lips or hips struck me as much did his eyes. 

Peridot gems upon a bed of white milky pearls surrounded by obsidian colored eye-shadow in a winged outline along his alabaster skin. But as I said before I took some interest and only gave attention as I would give an appealing slice of cake, appetizing but unwanted at the time. I rang up his items in a bored fashion, slow and uncaring putting the bread in the bag with the mason jars of honey. When i got to the flowers a bouquet violet iris Xiphioids he had his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed murmuring “hmm” it was honestly stupid cute. I asked him was if everything alright sir, cute or not I was tired and it was fucking Halloween i was ready to binge candy, Netflix and sleep. My questioning seemed to have embarrassed him, his face flushed and he averted his eyes from mine to the flowers. He scratched the back of his neck and replied with a voice one could only describe as viscous honey do you think their siblings or just one entity. I sighed and regrettably asked what he meant. He said that he wanted to name them but wondered if they were like conjoined twins or just one person. I totaled his stuff, and he paid for it and left the store humming down the street all I could think was stupid cute. 

The second time I saw him; I was focused on everything but his eyes. I focused on his fist and his stance, anticipating his next move prepared to slip, dodge or counter anything he threw at me. Even if I had the leisure too, I couldn't his mask obstructed any view. I don't know how I knew It was him, perhaps it was his voice demanding me to drop the hostage or it was the pink tuft hidden under his black hood. Either way it didn't matter, I was the villain and he was the hero a fate decided by forces beyond our control and what we didn't control. After the hostage escaped and the police arrived I guess he didn't want to file a report because after fixing me with a piercing look he scaled a building and vanished. I figured I might as well leave as well, I'll just kill some rich fucks in the morning after all nothing is too low for me.

The third time I saw him he was crying, crying over fucking flowers of all things. I gave him a once over, was this all a facade to disguise the hardened vigilant o fought earlier or was that the act instead. I can't stand crybabies I told myself but as I reflect my heart pained from his change in demeanor. Him crying just felt wrong despite how beautiful his make up ran. 

I helped him look for more irises and gave him tips on taking care of flora. Minutes later i'm in a conversation discussing cartoons and eateries.

Minutes turned to hours and I found myself relieved that my flora shop wasn't booming anymore cause my shift was over and it was night. He checked his phone and with a cherry goodnight he left the store forgetting his flowers. I stared at them for a moment he didn't pay for them but I felt as though they were his anyway so I locked up shop and chased after him. After some frantic explaining that I wasn't a crazy stalker, I gifted him with his irises and with a bright smile those hours became a night. 

After that night of gentle caresses and needy pleas, I saw him quite frequently; after work walking home, at dinner eating pizza picking off his pineapples with a stupid cute pout, and in the shower, two bodies tired and hurt comforting one another while bitching about dead parents and shitty parents. But the next time I saw him it was raining. Dark and stormy night perfect weather to commit a crime. Honestly, though I didn't even mean to rob the bank, steal a couple of grand and commit grand theft auto. All I wanted to do was make a withdrawal of $500 in cash because I don't believe in using cards to purchase possibly traceable jewelry and the lady at the shop only had that one peridot ring in stock. So all in all my nerves were already shot and as usual people are assholes and a bathroom later I was geared up having a panic attack yelling at civilians to get on the Fucking ground. 

Moment later I'm corned in an alley by him, he's ordering me to surrender and my cocky retort died on my tongue as I struggled to get a good breath. Who the fuck goes sprinting when hyperventilating, Oh yeah same person who robbed a bank over a panic attack.

I threw the bag of cash at him and tried to scale up the building, in response he kicked not threw kicked the cash away. You know that saying freak in the sheets Angel on the streets he was apparently the opposite cause I've never seen someone move so languid and fast before. I'm a matter of seconds i was pinned against the wet hard brick wall, it'd be hot if I could breathe properly. With the blaring of sirens, he gave me that look and took off. I got home undressed lied in the shower under scalding hot water and cried.

I saw him afterwards, fumbling over me wiping my eyes and rocking me back and forth. He assumed I was a hostage at the local bank that got robbed. My choked out response seemed to be enough validation and we drifted to sleep. I'm my mind vowing never to see Him again.

The nights turned into months and years, After that time we were perfect. I've never likened that word to describe my life before, but it was beautifully accurate.Sure he came home with split lips and bruises after ridiculously long jogs but patching him up just gave me an excuse to touch him, not like I needed one anyway seeing as we were both touched starved rejects. Unfortunately, though this isn't a romance story, it's a narrative of good vs evil and evil always loses in the end. My gear was discarded and forgotten in a compartment behind the wall. It had been years since I've worn it and my curiosity got the better of me and Spurned the sublime.Garbed in my old Pyrrhic gear I performed a series of katas and gave out quips to my imaginary opponent.If your like me then you understand that life can be like a grenade, with the drop of a pin it can all be blown to ruins For me it was the opening of a door. Lamp on the ground, curtains disheveled and living room a mess with me in the center dressed in my black weapons mounted on my hips. He rightfully assumed the worst and I found myself pinned staring at piercing misty mournful eyes. “Where is he?” he demanded honeyed voice cracking and peridot orbs welling with tears threatening to stream. My response was horribly haphazard, but it makes sense the villain makes the hero suffer and i was the villain. Nothing has ever been to low for me right? I am the worst, and I am not and will never have perfection. So with my panic and terror hidden behind a mask, I smirked and replied “where do you think.”

That was the last time I saw him but not him.