#and internet are... complicated

[inkskinned]

you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.

but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.

well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?

his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.

still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.

so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.

and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.

what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.

it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?

it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.

maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.

[driftbit]

"What will you do without new shows" I haven't watched a mainstream television show as it released in years. I'm catching up on shows my parents liked in the 90s. I'm listening to fiction podcasts with 5 fans. I'm playing a video game the creators want you to pirate. I'm watching a minecraft roleplay. I may not know what I'm gonna do but I'm sure as hell not gonna be a fuckin scab babygirl.

[slutpoppers]

Terriermon digivolves into Gargomon for the first time, Digimon the Movie

[fatehbaz]

the woeful worksona

the happy being-at-homer

(watching a funny cat)

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

'omg mumbo is kinda buff and athletic in real life?? but he's such a nerd!' i hate to say it but this is just a description of every professional cinematographer ever

[dandelion-roots]

[ID: a digital drawing of kristen and tracker from fantasy high cradling the moon. kristen's hand is on the dark side and tracker's on the light side. on kristen's side of the drawing are stars and she's holding a cowboy hat out of which are falling nacho chips and sauce, as well as wearing a 'kristen for president' sash. on tracker's side are snowflakes and coins, and she's holding a candy cane. additionally, there is a halo behind kristen's head. the second image is the reverse of the first. End ID]

[witchinatree]

unpopular opinion maybe but sam has been pissing me off lately

i think it started with him laughing in gwen's face about the bonzo thing and (as far as we know) not apologizing???

it's like he only thinks supernatural things can happen to HIM. sam wtf why are you gatekeeping the horrors??

he also only ever listens to celia, alice indulged his magnus thing as long as she could but realized shit was getting dangerous and wanted to protect him

alice is also flawed (jealousy is a bad color on you babe but i forgive you) but like everyone is?? and sam is just dismissing her every word because of it??

he doesn't have to follow her advice but could he at least let her speak??? i hate how dismissive he is, even celia listens to alice more than him

and in episode 24, his "well what can i do about that" mentality was sooooo irritating

he said it twice, when alice said gwen wasn't okay, and when alice said the tape recorder thing was hunting them

1. gwen not being okay could be something you at least pretend to give a shit about, like seriously. everyone tolerates your childhood rejection trauma and you don't bother batting an eye as gwen crumbles? jesus man

and 2. why is it only something 'crazy' when it's not you saying it sam? he expects everyone to believe the evil about the magnus institute (with honestly no evidence? i think we gloss over how little ties the institute actually has rn because we listened to tma) and dismisses alice's concerns that they're all going to die

i don't hate sam by any means (disregard previous discord statements ❤️ i was a lil upset) but he has been seriously upsetting me

also if there's anything i forgot um my bad i'm just oh so sleepy

[theorahsart]

My Frev comic gained traction on Instagram. Earlier today I was so happy, and I thought

"Yay! Now I can correct some myths about Robespierre to more people!"

Then I got these comments:

And now I'm like "Oh...I have to correct some myths to more people..."

I was trying so hard to keep my cool and just recommend books as I read this comment lmao

[mr-payjay]

fan doesn't actually Have social anxiety. he's not actually made anxious by social interactions. just Look at how he acts. just because he casually Said that he has social anxiety doesn't mean it's True. all fan ever does is argue he will literally talk to anyone (have you ever noticed him actually being ANXIOUS in a pathological manner when talking to someone?) and he will always fight for his opinion. characters make mistakes when they Speak, just like real people. this is a mistake he made. slightly more explained in tags

[oacest]

Hi, I’ve seen a couple of quotes from Noel go around where he seems to be convinced/ fighting with the fact that Liam hated him (mostly from early or mid 90s). This seems so strange to me as the more dominant narrative, especially later on, seems to be that Liam is craving Noel’s affection, which he can rarely (publicly) seem to admit/ sometimes seemingly withholding it on purpose (even scoffing about how Liam’s love for him). What is your take on this?

they really have...... to put it mildly........ very different emotional communication styles lol. let's just say that. and they were in a very bad place with each other back in the day, fueled by a vicious cycle of avoidance and clinginess and believing the worst of each other. liam's reaction to emotional upset is generally to explode/demand while noel's is immediate (or preemptive) withdrawal. your use of the word "withholding" is exactly the key. when noel is upset or threatened or feels wronged/hurt he recoils, which makes liam chase him, which makes noel run harder, which makes liam get more aggressive, etc, ad infinitum. this behaviour on liam's part reads to noel as frightening and disrespectful (which it is) and noel's retreating reads to liam as vindictive and cruel (which it also is). noel doesn't like to tell (or think about) the truth of his emotional upheavals so it's easier for him to say "liam hates me" to the press than it is to say "we have an incredibly complicated and emotionally volatile codependent relationship that neither of us can understand fully and which causes us both a lot of suffering and it's none of anyone's business so quit fucking asking me." plus im certain on a lot of levels he does believe liam hates him (which liam no doubt does to some degree, largely due to feeling misunderstood and rejected), bc it would be so anathema for noel himself to treat a loved one in the specific ways liam has treated him in their lowest moments together that he can't process those behaviours as coming from someone who genuinely loves him.

[zivazivc]

Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?

It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)

Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...

Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)

Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).

Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.

So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...

But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.

Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.

Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.

Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.

Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.

And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.

Anyway...

Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.

So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...

(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)

Yeah...

I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[driftbit]

"What will you do without new shows" I haven't watched a mainstream television show as it released in years. I'm catching up on shows my parents liked in the 90s. I'm listening to fiction podcasts with 5 fans. I'm playing a video game the creators want you to pirate. I'm watching a minecraft roleplay. I may not know what I'm gonna do but I'm sure as hell not gonna be a fuckin scab babygirl.

[radiohahas]

.

[aroceu]

i think one of the things that's really Gets Me (in a bad way) about the predominant value of "moral purity" in any sort of narrative especially among young people these days is that many if not most narratives outside of children's media are about extremely flawed human beings in a way that explores those flaws within the nature of being human. like, so many fictional characters are fucked up. that's their whole thing. that's the reason why those stories are written. because once you're no longer a child, the stories you read or watch or consume aren't to teach you right from wrong, they're to show you the nuances and messiness and moral complications that come from being a human in this world. but the people obsessed with purity still expect some sort of explicit "so this is the moral of the story :)" and "the good guys win and live happily ever after" and "any character with a notable flaw is irredeemably Bad" because they still expect everyone to have the neural development of a five year old

[rad-roche]

now that the dust has settled a little i will say back when the tv show came out i did think it was pretty funny that i got some horrified asks about its tone vis a vis how cynical it was and i didn't reply them because i'm conscious about not like, accidentally or unintentionally singling people out, especially over something as silly as a tv show, but you gotta understand. this is a noir blog. i write noir. this is not a genre famed for its optimism. in dead woman walking new vegas is mentioned, once, and it's called 'nova roma' because the legion won. almost every named character is dead. i swing by just at the very end to do that with one sentence and dip, in the last chapter, after brutally killing a main character. like that's the tone i operate in. it's totally fine not to dig it but i was pulling my collar a little seeing people light up my inbox over the show's tone when it's considerably lighter than the stuff i make