#and inadequacy and blablabla
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Saw my supervisor today and when he first saw me told me I looked desperate
Which makes sense in a way
#i wouldnt describd it like that but certainly theres a component of that#god i hate to get hit with depression wave#this one hitting harder cos I have been sober for the most part of this week#and my period starting around these days too#and just like emotions piling up#and inadequacy and blablabla#ofc add the ingredient of getting hit with missing my dog every now and then#so why not putting his yt playlist and cry to my hearts content#not that I havent cried just been more intermittent#so yeah#wish there was a way that I only get the content of ig i need for my phd project and nothing else#went down the rabbit hole of reels and bs and that also played a part on me feeling like this today
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I love "Give me Shelter" and all my weeks now are spent in waiting for Wednesdays with the in-between rereadings. Last chapter made me very anxious, I would even tell - simply afraid for Sansa's wellbeing. Dany acted totally unhinged and looked a madwoman, impossible to reason with. And Sansa, show-verse canonically, was provoking her ire even more. And all these foreshadowings - Jon's fears and visions, Sansa's words about being dispensed with dragon's fire... I am at the edge of my seat. At Sansa's place I would hide under Catelyn's skirts and never go out :D She is the only one capable to withstand Daenerys, as I see it in this verse.
I guess, since there are no Major Character Death tag and you seem to follow canon in general, Sansa won't be harmed too much (and nithing happens to her baby!), but I am still afraid! And a bit angry at Jon - I get that he has many concerns now, he has to save humanity and blablabla, but he put Sansa in danger in the first place and now he so gravely underestimates Daenerys' villainous streak! I hope, when he wakes up, it is not too late.
Yeah, Jon has a lot of irons in the fire! There’s humanity, a new family, ongoing struggles with identity, feelings of failure and inadequacy, new love, old loyalties and non-romantic love. On and on. He also doesn’t want to believe his worst fears. He wants to believe everything can be put right.
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There's nothing more painful than letting someone in and them deciding the grass is greener elsewhere.
The ultimate message being that this other person is fundamentally better than you. And yeah blablabla relativity but what's the point of any of this shit if you can't be with the people you love?
Well. Here I am again. In the black tar of inadequacy. Wondering how long it'll take my lack of investment in any other person to look like confidence.
Maybe if I pray like people say things will make sense again
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