#and in the end im just constantly confused and empty

[dreamyghostie]

(:

[therewithinthestars]

.

[serejae]

IF BY CHANCE ? | BND

-

p2

WHAT ? - BND AS EXES WHO WANT YOU BACK (bnd realizing they messed up after you end things)

WHEN ? - (warning) this is not a REAL display of the members im just doing this for weeping entertainment:) attempt to unconsented kissing in jaehyuns, drinking in sungho’s, mentions of throw up/throwing up in leehans, major angst 😒

WHO ? - (a/n) i love angst but not like death but yearning and groveling, pls tell me yall relate. lowk went hard on jaehyun and leehans from personal experience 🤔🤔

uncapitalization intended and not proofread

theres a theory that you will always meet the same person twice

-

P.SUNGHO ; he was too focused on his career.

! - you knew and understood thst sungho’s job was very important to him but it started to feel like you werent his partner anymore. you started to feel like decoration in your guys apartment that he would just ignore when he got home.

! - to try and help your relationship you made him dinner, cleaned up the place, asked him about his day to which he blew up. his cold demeanor suddenly dropped as he yelled at you about constantly bothering him when he just wanted to sleep. you knew your intentions and knew you didnt want to bother but help sungho. you then realize you werent valued in this relationship and were pulling the whole weight by yourself, so you ended things.

! - it took him about 4 days to realize that he messed up. those 4 days his mind was constantly fogged up about work, after those 4 days he walked into the house and how he realized was when he alerted you (or tried to) that he was home with a “honey im home”, only to be met with silence. a bit confused not realizing his brain hadnt catched up yet, he walked into your twos room, or use to be. only to be met with the mess he left for himself in the morning. there is when he realized you weren’t there anymore. to shake his mind off of it, he decided to eat before doing anything ,he went to the kitchen to heat up some frozen dinner. as the meal heated he realized the house was so empty, cold, and quiet. the only sound was coming from the spinning microwave.

! - it’s safe to say the soulless house took a toll on him. everyday he dreaded going home, which is funny cause he couldve said the same thing before he realized how important you were. his friends who were tired of seeing him so lifeless decided to invite him to go to the bar to hang out…he wasnt much fun there either. that was until he caught a glimpse of you from the reflection of his empty shot glass. his eyes light up and he turns around to make eye contact with you. .

-

L.RIWOO ; trust issues.

! - you understood where riwoo was coming from, you knew that trust issues are normal , but it got to a point where his trust issues started to make you question him.

! - and it didnt help that each time you did try to reassure him that it somehow made it worse. “ri, of course im going to stay late, my boss asked me too. you have my location, i send you photos of me working, what else do you want?” maybe your approach wasnt the best but the way he snapped was when you knew no matter how much you tried to protect both you and his peace, he will try to tear it down again. “oh, so now your getting defensive. i shouldve known, especially from you.” he said it with no remorse or thought behind it. and to him he thought he was winning this argument but in reality he was going to make the biggest loss of his life.

! - it took him 5 hours to realize he messed up. when you left and packed your things he thought you’d run back and it’ll make him feel better about himself. but after 4 hours it was already 3 am and he realized maybe…you wouldnt come back as soon as he thought. but that last hour before he realized he messed up, he had a dream of you and him. you two were living that exact moment, before you left. you standing pacing back and forth as he sat on the couch. except this time, he talks to you about why he thinks the way he thinks and vows to do better. in that dream he sleeps with you in his arms. when he woke up he stared at the ceiling, and it was like it was talking to him. thats when he realized you werent coming back. you wont be in his arms again, you wont tell him about your day, and you wont constantly tired of arguing with him because of his doubts.

! - after trapping himself in his house and thoughts he decided to go on a walk, but to his suprise once he opens the door you stand there staring at him with a box of his things in your hands. his mouth goes dry

-

M. JAEHYUN ; girl bestfriend

! - you were the never the type of partner to care too much about the opposite gender best friends as you were very secure in your relationship, but in this case it wasnt him but rather her. you knew from the moment she laid her eyes on you she was no good. but you decided to give her the benefit of the doubt as this was jaehyuns childhood bestfriend, and if you didnt like her you could at least pretend for your boyfriends sake.

! - you were always calm and reserved around jaehyun and his bestfriend even on those dsys you wanted to push her off him. but today it was like a flip switched. you walked home soaked from the rain after not being to reach your boyfriend to pick you up. you get it he’s busy, but your blood boiled when you saw both of them sitting on the couch peacefully. she looked up at you and grinned as jaehyun ran up to you worried. “jaehyun lets talk in our room please” you simply asked. he followed you to you and his shared room with a towel drying you off as you spoke. “i really hate to do this to you but its either me or her.” he paused his movements of drying your hair “you know i cant do that. ive known her for so long do you not trust me?” he said defensive. “i dont trust her” you said blandly, he stared at you and started lecturing you on how his bestfriend gave you no reason to not trust her. you didnt argue back, you were too tired for it you just said “she likes you jaehyun”. he paused and continued lecturing you about how thats ridiculous. you shake your head and pack your things “clearly i know your answer.” he continues on and on on how youre being ridiculous. once you leave the door he puts his hand in his face.

! - it took him like 5 minutes to realize he messed up (bye.) his friend came into your room and sat down by him as he listened to him rant. “you know…” she said slowly “y/n’s not wrong” his ears perked up at that “ive always liked you jaehyun, your just too silly to realize.” he freezes at her words, feeling his blood run cold he feels her fingers on his chin and her leaning in. he backs up and kicks her out despite her protest. once he locked the door and is left in the empty haunting house alone he scrambles for his phone. after finding it he opens it to all your messages asking if he can pick you up. it made him nauseous at the thought he left you alone and cold for his ‘friend’ that was the cause of your breakup. he calls you to which you dont answer, he starts panicking at this point and paces in the house as he mass text and call you just wanting a answer. he pauses in front of him at the only room he hasnt stepped room in since pacing. your bedroom. he walks in and lays down only to be reminded of your scent when he lifts the blankets over his head. thats when he starts crying and realized you weren’t there to hold him like you normally did

! - he didnt have his safe space anymore.

-

H. TAESAN ; distant

! - you hated to admit it but one of the things that drew you into taesan was the thing that made you end things. his cold demeanor was what made everyone so curious about him, fortunately or unfortunately you were the one he picked to be into his very small circle to which you became his partner. during this you learned he loved his alone time which you were fine with, what threw you off was the way he signaled to you he wanted to be alone. he would ignore you in public and not reply to your messages as if you didnt know each other. you were okay with it at first since you loved your strange boyfriend but after a while you grew tired of it. tired of breaking down his walls and when you finally feel accepted by him only to be shut out again

! - and clearly it was a mistake bringing it up to him because it lead him to being the loudest you ever heard him, arguing back and forth. “i dont get why you just have to pretend you don’t know me. im fine with you needing your alone space but why do you have to act like you hate me?”

“im starting to if thats how your gonna react to me needing my time every so often.”

you couldnt argue anymore, especially when he just admitted he was close to hating you for communicating your feelings. the room went quiet, taesan looks over his shoulder to see you staring at the ground before walking off. after that day you didnt text first or initiate anything to see if he would, unfortunately to you. he didnt.

! - it took him about a month to realize he messed up (sorry taesan lovers:c). but dont get me wrong, its not like he went on with his life like normal. everyday it felt like he was missing something but he could never put his finger on this feeling so he just dismissed it. until one day by instinct he sat at your twos spot alone and your guys song started to play in his headphones. he was never one to communicate his feelings too well but that didnt mean he didnt care for you. he would dedicate songs to you and one just fit perfectly with you two. when the song played he looked around and realized where he was with what song was playing only to see something is missing

you.

and thats when it hit him, he didnt get his usual messages, his hugs, or his sneaky looks from you. he was alone, but wasnt this what he wanted?

he wanted to be alone right?

he loved it.

right?

he then realized

he loves you more then he loved being alone.

was it worth it to lose one thing you love more to prioritize the other?

-

K.LEEHAN ; too friendly

! - from the beginning you knew dating leehan came with a price. everyone wanted him. some more bold than others that would go up to him and ask him out even when he had a partner. his reaction to these admirers was a stranger then how a boyfriend would react to girls hitting on him. he’d entertain the girls in front for you just to see your reaction. you knew he loved seeing you jealous which was cute at first but after a while it got old. it started to make you doubt whether he really loved you or not. if the girls would compliment leehan he’d start asking for details, “oh yeah? how much do you like me?” “my arms are pretty strong arent they?” or he’d start teasing “calm down my partners infront of me, maybe later” to which the girls, including him would laugh as he looked over to see your fuming face.

! - but this one time, you couldnt take it anymore. if this is what dating someone admired upon was like, you wanted no part. it was like normal. girls would swarm around you and leehan and start flirting, but his one comment ticked you off. “yeah of course we can hangout, im sure my partner wont mind” he winked, he looks over at you expecting to see your puffy angry face but is met with you leaving the table. he follows behind you calling for you. when he finally catches up to you thats when you spew everything youve been feeling. “i can understand if your admired i get it your handsome! but your taken and you should know that, no normal boyfriend flirts back with girls who flirt with him. i have to deal with this closing feeling in my throat and chest all because you want a little enjoyment for your day and im done.” he looked at you confused with a hint of being offended. “youre overreacting yn.” he said before being cut off with you walking away.

! - he realized he messed up 6 days later. its not like he didnt care, but he was in his state of mind that youll run back like any of his fangirls would. during those days he continued to flirt back with them now that his flock was much bigger now that he was single. but this time he flirted back much less enthusiastic as he would before, because he had no reason to, no reaction, no partner to coddle after. he now felt sick with the thought of flirting with anyone to start dating if it wasnt you. he got up from the table to which he recieved a bunch of whines and pleads to stay. he just needed fresh air. he continued walking around campus until he heard a familiar laugh. he turned his head over and seen you with another person, laughing and getting all close like you and him use too. now staring from afar he understood what you meant. he felt his chest and throat closing at the thought sight of you reliving what you and him would do with someone that wasnt him. and his words replay in his mind

“you’re overreacting yn”

“your overreacting”

“overreacting”

in fact you were not overreacting but he knew he had no right to be jealous, when his urge for you to be jealous tore you two apart.

he was on the verge of spilling his guts and you looked happy. not angry, and thats what you deserved

-

K. WOONHAK ; always mad at you

! - woonhak has always been very open about his anger issues and you knew that. he was just a teen living his first life and you acknowledged that. on certain days he would hold grudges against you and not tell you why he was angry, leaving you alone to figure out and trace back to see what you had done. and it was always something small like giving him only 2 hugs instead of 3 for morning, afternoon, and night. and forbid you try to get him to communicate why he is mad at you. he’ll turn into a big angry ball yelling at every reason he should be mad

! - this one day you were so tired from school. you just wanted to walk home with your boyfriend and hopefully cuddle at home. but he wasnt waiting for you outside your class, instead you already saw him walking out of the school. catching up to him you say hi and start asking him about his day to which you recieve a mean face ignoring you. deciding to avoid that you talked about your day to which he paid no attention to. thats when you snapped “hey im talking to you!” no reply “why do you always do this, you just get mad at me and expect me to read your mind!” he turned over to you and yelled back “i dont know why you can never just think, is it that hard to realize what you did?” “no i cant read your mind woonhak!”. he just turned away and started to walk “woonhak if you keep walking were over!” he paused, to which you hoped he’d come to his senses but he kept walking

! - he realized he messed up 1 days after. day 1, he completely forgot about the night before as it was so normal for him to go back to not being mad at you when he felt like it. when you didnt walk to school with him he decided that was his reasoning for being mad you today. and when you didnt run up to him or walk up to him after school to walk together he started to be a bit confused. here is when youd start to cave but as he walked home he retraced his memory with each step and remembered what you had said when he was being petty.

‘ “woonhak if you keep walking were over!” ‘

he just kept walking, and now you werent his to walk anymore.

-

“is it so wrong of me to hope she breaks your heart, is it so wrong for me to pray she tears you apart?”

[yutarot]

IN PERFECT SYNC [j.jh smau]

betrayal [noun]  /bɪˈtreɪ.əl/

1 : the act of dissapointing a persons trust, hopes or expectations.

2 : revelation of something hidden or secret.

3 : failure to keep or honour a promise, principle or cherished memory, etc.

twelve — betrayal. wc: 1k

café neoro. 4:14pm

if you were to say you weren’t confused by the sudden cafe invitation, you’d be lying.

as you enter the front door, triggering the cafe’s bell to ring, you spot giselle sat in the far corner, biting her nails; a habit she does only when she’s dreading something.

that’s weird.

she spots you, dropping her hands to the table and nodding you over to come and sit with her.

“you’re here!” she squeals, “you’re here..”

the atmosphere is strange, you must admit and there’s something odd lining the air between you. so you begin to drone on about your class in efforts to ease off the weirdness.

“urg, im so sick of my professor just constantly leaving the hall. im literally paying to be here and he can’t even be bothered to stay!” you whine as you set your bag down beside you, sitting opposite giselle on the cafes patchwork coach.

it’s a cute little place, you and the girls come here often to catch up when you don’t see eachother for periods of time in exam season.

but for giselle to ask you here alone? when neither of you have exams for months?

there was something going on.

“honestly, i wish my professor would leave sometimes.” she replies. “she’s so boring!”

you laugh, spending the next 20 minutes complaining about your courses and gossiping about overheard conversations.

that’s until you decide to bring up giselle’s absence from the party the other night.

“where did you even go?!” you ask, too excited for your own good. but you know giselle.

and you know she’s forcing her smile.

“oh, just some room upstairs, no idea who’s. could have been chenles for all i know.” she laughed.

you take a sip of your coffee as you laugh in reply, winking at her jokingly. “so, who was the guy? was he good at yk… that stuff..”

she giggles as she nods. but her smile withers.

“look, yn.”

the sudden change of atmosphere brings you right back to the feeling of the beginning of your meet-up, the cold, stark vibe of something being wrong, of something eating away at whatever is between you.

“i told myself that i should be honest with you, so i will.” she continues.

“what is it, giselle? you’re scaring me.”

she’s silent for a moment.

the silence kills.

but you soon find out that it isn’t the silence that is killing you, its the thought that in these mere seconds, giselle is counting down the moments until she tells you who it is.

until she knowingly breaks your heart.

“it was jaehyun. the guy i slept with was jaehyun.”

your mind feels heavy, unattached even.

how could she do this? after everything you went through. she was the one who was there the entire time, she was the one who comforted you, telling you how he was in the wrong and how he deserved the worst kind of punishment for what he did.

and yet, in the end, she must have never truly believed it. because now she has betrayed your trust.

and she has betrayed you.

“what?” you can feel your vision going foggy, tears welling up in your eyes.

“i know, i know. i shouldn’t have, but can you really blame me?”

“yes!” you raise your voice, and your thankful that the cafe is near empty. “giselle…”

there’s a pause of silence as she lets you figure out what you want to say.

but you continue. “you know what he did to me. you hugged me as i cried when i found out. i had no friends because of him, none! all the girls in highschool hated me giselle, do you know how that feels?”

you’re crying at this point, but she listens, watches as you burst into tears.

“do you know how it feels to find out your bestfriend had been shit-talking you to all the girls just so he could get in their pants?! he had used me as a pickup line giselle, he had embarrassed me, telling girls he thought i was ugly, annoying, that he only tolerated me to make himself look better, all so that they wouldn’t get jealous! do you know how that feels?”

“…no.”

“so why would you do that?” you quieten down, almost to a whisper as you struggle to get your words out. “you know how much he hurt me, about how i can never be friends with half the girls in this college because to this day they still laugh and point. and yet, you don’t care about any of that.”

“it was one night, yn.”

“and yet you still felt that that one night was important than my feelings. how do u think im going to look when people find out my best friend has slept with him? i already look stupid enough!”

“yn, noone will know, i promise.” she replies.

“i know. that’s enough.” you stand up, leaving giselle sat there as you make your way to the door as you let the tears fall.

you feel 18 again, you feel the eyes, the giggles as you would when u walked down the hallway with jaehyun, unaware of what he had been doing behind your back.

jaehyun was probably so smug right now, knowing he had not only used you in highschool, but in college too, and with your own bestfriend on top of all that.

so now, you hate him even more that you ever did before.

you’ll never understand him, you’ll never know why he did what he did.

but there’s one thing you’ll know you will always do:

you will always hate him.

mlist — next

notes; so!.. i guess the truth is out now….. hope u guys don’t hate me too much! 😄😄 (btw there won’t be a chapter tmr bc im busy all day and don’t have the next chapter written, the next update will be sunday! sorry😞)

taglist — open; @https-yeonjun @chenlesfavorite @therealbobbyshloby @f6llsun @jkslvsnella @nanaxwi @cloudmrk @neocrashed @vernonburger @vividwritess @taeeflwrr @mmjhh1998 @cyjzzl @stareaa @minkyuncutie @mrkleelvr @dudekiss3r @nattan127 @slayhaechan @jaeveil @tynlvr @mslora @nosungluv @grassbutneo @dokyriu @girlz4jaem @axo-l0tl @yyangj3lly @solvrse @m1ng1swife @gentlepeach @xiuriii @soobinbunnie5 @tocupid @apolloxxivmin @ctrlstar @gyuguys @tokitosun @i-kai @flamingi @mrkleelvr @en-dream @queenrachelpink @ssweetreveries @swanyvess @flaminghotyourmom @hyuck-me @cryingforjae @hizhu @starfilledgaze

[jareaul0ver]

loml

wc: 1.8k warnings: kate being a bad gf, straight angst, no happy ending (sorry! no im not) pairings: kate martin x fem!reader

January, 2023

You sat courtside of an Iowa game, your eyes trained on your girlfriend the whole time. On the court, off the court, she was yours. Every basket she'd make, she'd immediately point to you.

The fans loved it. She loved it. You loved it. You wore her jersey with pride, letting everyone know you were hers. Two years into your relationship, it never got old.

The second the buzzer rang out, she searched the stands for you, noticing how you hustled down the stairs to rush to the court. To rush to her.

Your arms found her neck and hers your waist. She spun you around before placing a kiss against your lips. "Good job out there, K-Money." You giggled.

She laughed softly and hugged you against her. "Always have to do good for you, baby." Her pet names for you never failed to make your knees weak.

After her post-game responsibilities, you both headed to her suite. You laid on her bed, her head resting against your chest as you ran you fingers through her long blonde hair.

"I'm gonna marry you one day, Kate." You mumbled. Her eyes shot open and she sat up straight to look at you.

Your heart almost dropped when she didn't say anything. When she didn't kiss you, or hug you, or even smile. That feeling only lasted a quick moment though, before she pressed her lips firmly against yours.

"You're the love of my life." She whispered against your lips. Tingles shot down your spine.

Early May, 2023

"Where the hell are you taking me?" You laughed as Kate forced you into the passenger seat of her car, shutting the door before walking around and getting in herself.

With a bright smile she leaned in and pecked your lips. "To your surprise."

You rolled your eyes but grinned. She started the car and drove away from campus. Her car was beginning to fill with everything she needed to take home from campus, as it was almost the end of her final year at Iowa.

She drove for a bit before pulling into the parking garage underneath an apartment complex. "Are we visiting someone?" You asked, confusion evident in your voice.

"Uh, no." She said quickly before putting the car in park, hopping out, and rushing around to the other side to open your door.

"Then what-"

"Just trust me." She said softly. You nodded and she took your hand in hers, taking you over to the elevator. She pressed the button to the fourth floor, and one silent ride later, you arrived.

She walked you down the hallway to apartment 403, and pulled out a key. The door was quickly unlocked and swung open. Both of you stepped in and you looked around at the empty apartment.

"Surprise!" She said from behind you. You spun around and looked at her as she held up a small sign, her name and yours carved into it, above the word "home".

Your eyes widened and your lips twitched into a smile. "You're kidding. You're kidding!" You squealed, launching yourself into Kate's arms.

She laughed and held you tight against her. "I'm not kidding." She leaned back, forcing you to look at her. Her hand gently cupped your face, her eyes peering into yours. "I want this with you. Forever."

"Forever." You whispered back.

Early June, 2023

Moving in with Kate should have been the best thing that you two could have done. With you still being in school, living with her took away the stress of having to worry about paying for housing on campus.

She was still focused on basketball, planning to stay with Iowa for a fifth year since she was eligible. It was supposed to be perfect.

But it had only been a month and it was already hell.

You argued constantly. Not even over anything worth arguing about, but she seemed to always want to pick a fight with you. She was rarely ever home, always practicing during the day and going out with the team during the night.

One night she came home particularly drunk. You were up late, working on something for a summer course that you had opted to take, freeing up a slot in your fall semester.

"Babe?" She shouted the second she walked in the door. You winced a bit at the loudness of her voice. You were sitting right there, on the sofa that was directly in her line of sight.

"Hm?" You said, annoyance evident in your voice, but Kate chose to ignore it. She came over to you and pulled your laptop away from you, closing it and tossing it to the other side of the couch. "Kate, what the hell-"

She sat next to you on the couch before putting all her weight onto you, her body slumping against yours. You tried to push her off, but couldn't. Damn her athleticism.

"Get off, Kate, I have to finish something." You reached for your laptop but she grabbed your hand and pulled it down.

"You don't wanna lay with me?" She slurred, the smell of alcohol strong on her breath.

You sighed, once against trying to push her away. "No, frankly, I don't."

She sat up and the smug smile on her face faltered. "Why're you being a bitch?" She spat.

"Excuse me?" You scoffed.

"You're being a bitch." She made sure to emphasize it this time. You knew she was drunk, but it still didn't make it hurt any less.

You stood up and took a few steps away. "I'm not dealing with this right now. You're drunk, you're sleeping on the couch tonight." You quickly walked towards your bedroom and shut the door behind you.

Late June, 2023

The last month had been incredibly tense. You and Kate both decided to pretend that there was nothing wrong, even though there clearly was.

You were walking on eggshells around her, scared that one wrong move would send her running.

You were surprised when she invited you to go out with her and her friends from the basketball team, but you happily went along, hoping to make some relationship amends during the night.

Everyone sat in a huge booth at a random bar one of the girls found. Kate excused herself to go grab a drink for herself, so you sat awkwardly, as you didn't know any of her friends very well.

Jada called out your name and your head snapped in her direction. You held a small smile, while her face was a little confused. "I'm surprised Kate invited you, to be honest."

Your smile faded. "What do you mean?"

"She said you two weren't doing too well. That you were really pissy with her all the time, starting stupid fights and shit." She shrugged. "Thought she would have broken up with you by now based off the things she's said."

The room went silent. Your heart dropped. Was this true? The look on Jada's face silently assured you that it was.

Tears started to well in your eyes and you excused yourself from the table, quickly going outside to get some air.

When Kate returned to the table, she noticed you were gone. Jada nodded towards the exit and Kate started walking towards it. She opened the door and saw you outside, sitting on the curb with tears in your eyes.

She moved over and put her hand on your shoulder. "Baby? What's wrong?" You turned at the sound of her voice and pulled away from her.

"You don't get to call me that anymore." Your voice was shaky, but was laced with malice.

"What?" She laughed, a little confused. "What're you talking about?" She stepped towards you, reaching out but you backed away.

You shook your head and scoffed. "You talked shit about me to your friends behind my back, and expect me to be okay with it?" Kate froze and her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but you cut her off.

"After everything I've done for you. After everything we've been through together, you go and do this?" Tears ran down your face. "Fuck you, Kate. I'm done. This is done."

"You're really ending this over something so fucking stupid?” She scoffed, crossing her arms.

Your eyes widened. “You think this is stupid? Jada was surprised I was here. Jada was surprised you haven’t ended things yet.”

Kate stayed silent, the look on her face was unreadable, something that came as a shock to you. You thought you knew her. You had been together for nearly three years, but now she seems like a stranger.

“You said I was the love of your life, Kate.” Your voice broke.

A beat of silence passed between the two of you, the only sound being heard was your chest heaving and the music blasting from inside.

“I was wrong.” She said flatly before turning around to walk back inside. “Have your stuff gone by this weekend.”

You watched her walk back inside. The second she stepped foot past those doors, you knew it was over. She was never coming back, and you’d have to accept that.

April 15, 2024

You sat comfortably on your couch, flipping through the channels of your television, until you came across the one you were looking for.

You transferred to UConn early in the year. It hurt too much to see Kate being so successful on the basketball team. Every little thing in Iowa was a reminder of her, and you needed to escape.

Figures you ended up at the school that got knocked out by Iowa in the final four, but how were you supposed to predict that?

Things were different at first. You felt out of place, a stranger to everything in Storrs, but you quickly adjusted, meeting some of your best friends.

Those best friends happened to play basketball. Paige, Nika, Azzi, practically the whole team came to love you. So you had to support them. You attended their home games, even the ones against Iowa. It hurt seeing Kate, it hurt more than anything had ever hurt you in your life.

But you pushed it aside. You were there for your friends, not your ex-lover who treated you like a piece of garbage.

You watched the draft, not being surprised by most of the players getting drafted. Aaliyah, one of your closest friends, being picked at 6th. Nika at 12th.

The smile never left your face. Your pride for your friends shining in your eyes, evident in the texts you immediately sent after their names were called.

That smile faded, though, at the 18th overall pick. “The Las Vegas Aces select… Kate Martin.”

Kate stood up, hugging all those around her, feeling incomplete. She shouldn’t, though. She just got drafted to the WNBA. What could be missing?

She walked to the stage, took a picture, did her small interview and the draft commenced on. The smile she had on her face was real, sure, but it wasn’t nearly as real as it was whenever she used to be with you.

As she stood there, processing everything that happened, she realized the thing she was missing was you. She was incomplete without you.

But it was too late now, you were the loss of her life.

[camilaxmartin]

request: Could you do a Vanessa x Reader fic, where the reader falls for her, but due to their past, constantly being rejected, or falling in love with awful people. The reader begins to distance themselves from her and ignores her calls, texts, and doesn’t talk to her on the night shifts. One night Vanessa comes in and sees reader isn’t there but sees a note, explaining themselves. Telling Vanessa that you can come and talk to them in another room or just leave and never talk to them again.

Also, could I be 🦐 anon?

napkin with a name

my dear 🦐, i’m so sorry for the wait but school’s been a lot lately and also i’ve got some other stuff going on but im getting back to all the requests finally!! also im so sorry but i accidentally deleted your request as i published it too fast😭

navigation // information // masterlist

summary: request

warnings: angst (not proof read, i’ll probably do it later)

notes: i made mike our bsf here, hope you don’t mind!:) oh and i made a happy ending cause i couldn’t fully end it with angst😭 (it was my first time writing real angst so i hope and pray it isn’t bad💀)

requests: closed!!

12.05

i came to work today late as always, but i was surprised to notice i was the first one there. i walked around the pizzeria to look for any signs of mike but he wasn’t anywhere near. confused i went to our shared office, the camera room, just to find it empty as well. i let out a deep sigh and sat down on the chair before cameras to watch for him clocking in even later than me, but that never happened. a few hours went by as i lost any hope for him coming in today, i rolled my eyes at the whole situation and decided to give him a talk the next time we see about not even informing me im was gonna work alone tonight. watching the cameras i saw police car pulling up to the parking and let out a groan at the sight. what could it be this time? i wanted to groan again but then i saw a blonde leaving the car and heading straight to the door. confused i tilted my head and watched her as she calmly stood there and finally rang the bell. like on fire i stood up from my seat disturbed by the sudden sound and opened the door for her. she gently pushed the door and went in visibly looking for someone. i left the office and went straight to the entrance to meet her and ask what is the reason she showed up tonight. when i made my last turn i saw her and my heart immediately dropped. she was one of the most, if not the most beautiful woman i’ve seen in my life. collecting myself i went up to her and finally spoke up.

“hi officer, is there any problem?” i asked still being confused on her being here. she just laughed and i swear, the sound of it would be the death of me.

“name’s vanessa.” she said as she hand out her hand for me to shake. “and no, there isn’t any problem in particular i just wanted to see how you guys have been doing.. here.” she added and softly smiled, i would say even too softly. without thinking i shook her hand and smiled as well.

“oh. okay then.” i said more to myself, not having any idea how badly that one conversation would affect my many upcoming days.

14.05

tonight me and mike were sharing a shift again. surprisingly we both showed up at time so it was a pleasant one right from the beginning. around two am, a certain blonde police officer came up again. mike was a bit surprised at first but i explained to him that two days ago she was here too just to see how the shift was going. i don’t think he believed me but i couldn’t do much about it anyway. i walked over to the door to invite her in, mike following me with a bit sceptical look on his face. i chuckled as i reached the door opening it for the pretty blonde. her face almost immediately lighted up when she saw me. i could feel my face blushing.

“vanessa, this is mike. my shift buddy.” i introduced him as he gave her a small wave. she smiled to him waving back.

“i’m vanessa.” she greeted him with a wave back and i smiled at the interaction.

“is tonight any problem or you just checking up as last time?” i ask being more confident than natural even confusing myself. vanessa moved her eyes to me once again and chuckled.

“no problem at all, just checking.” my smile widened more as i moved away from the door to let her in. she did so, and started talking with mike again.

“i hope you, you both, don’t mind my presence here. i get all the shifts around here so coming in seems… like a bit of variety to my night work.” she said and mike just shook his head signalling that it’s okay for her to be here. she then looked at me and i did the same thing as he did, earning myself a beautiful smile from the beauty standing before me.

“it’s okay, we don’t really do much around here either” mike spoke up and she moved her attention to him once again. “and my ‘shift buddy’ seems to be excited with you being here” he said with a smirk and i rolled my eyes at him. she laughed at his words and walked away going to the stage room.

i walked up to mike and gave his shoulder a punch for what he said. he laughed at my actions and rolled eyes with a soft smile.

“what has gotten into you?” i asked being confused but mostly surprised at his previous words. he just looked at me with a begging look and laughed once again.

“please, i see how you look at her and how your face lighted up when she parked her car here.” he said and i felt my face blushing again. maybe there was a bit of truth in his words?

“don’t be ridiculous, she’s just some police officer and you’re acting like i she’s the love of my life” i said and scoffed giving his shoulder another punch. he dodged away and chuckled loud enough only for us to here.

“i’ve never said anything about her being the love of your life.” he said and smirked as i scoffed again. “and that’s exactly how i know, you like her at least a tiny bit.” he added and i rolled my eyes.

“you’re being outrageous, i’m just being nice, she seems nice so im being nice.” i tried to explain myself realising i was only digging my own grave. he laughed this time and i pushed him away walking away from him and following her to the stage room.

when i walked in i saw her standing before the stage talking to freddie. what an adorable sight. i took myself out of the trance and walked over, closer to her not wanting to spook her.

“they’re pretty cool.” i said with a smile looking at the animatronics. she immediately looked over at me and smiled.

“seems like they like you too.” she said with a laugh and i didn’t fully understand her but just laughed along with her. her eyes went to the animatronics again only to go back to my face again in a second. i smiled noticing it while looking at her too and smiling widely. she chuckled softly looking at my face and maybe it was my imagination but she stole a glance at my lips. i wanted to say something but mike interrupted us.

“i can watch the cameras for a while if you want to talk with her.” he said standing at the doorframe with a smirk on his face. oh god. i rolled my eyes moving my eyes from her to him and nodded my head.

“if you want to.” i shrugged and he laughed at the way i tried to sound nonchalantly. vanessa chuckled as well and i felt my face red up again.

“you know where to find me.” he said and saluted to me walking out of the room and going to the cameras once again.

vanessa looked at me with a grin as she fixed her belt, i swear she was doing that on purpose as well. she started to wander around the room looking anywhere but at me. i shook my head slightly at her actions.

“so…” she started and stole a glance at me going back to looking around once again. i stood there observing her with an uncontrollable smile widening on my face. “you’ve been working here for long?” she asked and i almost laughed at the question and the silence part she wanted to say but never did if i was working here for long with mike. i slowly started to walk to her putting my hands in my pockets.

“not too long, but some time, yeah.” i answered and smiled at my own mysterious words. she stood in her place and looked at me with amusement painted on her face.

“and how’s it been? you like it here?” she asked still looking at me as i was slowly walking towards her.

“it’s okay, at least i made a new friend when i started working here.” i said with a smile referring to mike and my relationship with him. she smiled at my words but i could see how that smile was turning into a smirk.

“a new friend huh?” she asked grabbing her belt once again looking at me gently rising one of her eyebrows.

“yup.” i chuckled being close to her now, maybe one meter away. “just a friend.” i added with my own smirk.

“i see.” she smirked fully now and looked me up and down not being so subtle about it.

“why?” i asked wanting to see how she was gonna reacted. her smirk just grew more.

“just asking.” she shrugged moving her belt along. i rolled my eyes playfully at that. “trying to see if i could ask you out.” she said bluntly and i immediately lost my smirked not being ready for her to be so straightforward. after a second my smile came back.

“maybe you could, just need to try.” i chuckled as she moved a bit closer to me reducing the space between us. vanessa bit her lip smoothly, looking at me with a smirk. she started the sentence but mike interrupted us again.

“don’t wanna ruin your moment or anything, as i was excitedly watching you two through the cameras, but that thing.. you know what thing… in our office broke down again and i need you to fix it.” he said scratching the back of his neck while looking at us. i looked at him with mercy in my eyes shaking my head.

“yes, sure.” i said and started walking to him being done with everything at that point. vanessa laughed and collected herself almost immediately, while clearing her throat.

“i’ll be going, just got another call.” she said and i looked at her over my shoulder with surprise. “we’ll get back to that conversation another day.” she added with a chuckle as she excused herself and walked out of the room, leaving my speechless, going to the office once again.

17.05

i was right on time again and smiled noticing that mike wasn’t there yet. i confidently walked into our office and put down my stuff sitting comfortably in the chair and looking at the cameras. what i didn’t expect was a police car pulling into the parking this early. i tilted my head and watched as vanessa left her car and walked to the door. leaving my office i quickly went to the entrance wanting to let her in. i smiled seeing her through the glass and immediately opening the door for her.

“mike’s not here?” she asked as she went in, looking around.

“nope, not yet at least.” i said and closed the door. “but he’ll probably get here soon, after last time i told him to always inform me if he’s not gonna make it.” i shrugged and looked at her with w smile.

“i see.” she chuckled and went to the stage room, i followed her like a lost puppy. she said her greetings to the animatronics and turned her attention to me.

“long time no see?” i laughed and she laughed as well, moving a bit closer to me. i tried to move back but unfortunately, or not, there was a table behind me so my legs just hit the wood. she chuckled at that and made another step towards me.

“you can say that.” she said softly, the smirk suddenly turning up to her face. i smiled dumbly to her observing as she was coming even closer to me with every second.

“why so early tonight?” i asked looking at her face and unconsciously licking my lips. her smirk widened.

“just wanted to see you.” she shrugged and i felt my face blushing once again. “and maybe i hoped for mike to be late.” she added with a chuckle and my eyes widened with surprise and amusement.

“any particular reason you wanted to see me, officer?” i chuckled as she was now standing directly in front of me, her nose almost touching mine.

“maybe, maybe not.” she said with a chuckle looking at my lips and licking her own. oh boy.

“hm?” i murmured not knowing why my voice suddenly got quieter. she looked back into my eyes and move her hands so she was leaning them against the table on both of my sides.

“maybe i enjoy spending your shifts with you.” she murmured as well, making our moment even more intimate that it already was. “or maybe i wanted to be alone with you.”

“or maybe both?” i chuckled softly looking at her lips as well noticing how the corners of it went up as i said that.

“maybe both.” she agreed while softly nodding her head, gently bruising her nose against mine causing me to giggle.

i chuckled and kept looking at her lips all the time wondering if she was gonna make the move or not. “well then, enjoy it.” i said softly, looking up to her eyes only to notice she was looking at my lips as well.

“oh, i am.” she said and looked into my eyes, kind of looking for permission to do what we both wanted to at that moment. i chuckled and nodded my head bruising her nose with mine.

vanessa move her head closer to mine, fully touching my nose with her and almost connecting our lips when we heard mike’s voice.

“y/n! i’m here finally!” he shouted and i immediately locked myself out of vanessa’s embrace going straight to him and leaving her hanging there, with a very confused expression on her face.

i walked to mike and greeted him, immediately pulling him to our office with a scared expression on my face. he looked at me confused and noticed vanessa in the stage room as we were passing by and his face immediately changed to worry.

when we finally reached the office i closed the door behind us and looked at him with a puzzled face. he bit his lower lip thinking about words he should use.

“again?” he asked and i felt tears collecting in my eyes. he opened his arms for a hug and i immediately went to hug him.

“again.” i said with tears now rolling down my cheeks, hugging him tightly, wetting his shirt.

it wasn’t the first time he saw me starting to like someone and then getting fully damaged mentally by just liking them. he knew about all my past relationships and how affecting for my mental health they were so it wasn’t an unusual sight for him. in the moment of i guess heat with someone the adrenaline covers my fears but seconds after i feel like crying and screaming for not wanting to go through all the pain and trauma relationships can bring. vanessa was making me feel all bubbly and happy again but every night when i got home from shifts with her i spent half of the day crying not knowing why i was actually feeling that bad. i hoped it would be different this time but the fear of rejection and bringing myself back to normal life again was stronger than any bubbly feeling.

i hugged mike tightly once again and then let go of him, looking with puffy eyes at his face. he just grabbed my hands and stroked them not saying a word but it felt like he said a thousand. i smiled tiredly to him and sniff trying not to cry once again.

“maybe it’ll be different with her.” he finally spoke up and my heart dropped even at the mention of her. “go home tonight, i’ll cover for you.” he said and i looked at him surprised but smiled even more.

“thank you.” i said and squeezed his hands going for my things and leaving the office. i walked to the entrance and looked over to the stage room, guessing i’d see vanessa there but she was gone. the stage room was empty and i felt this weird cold sensation in my stomach again. i squeezed my eyes and opened the door going straight to my car and driving home but not missing the fact that her police car was gone as well.

18.05

i was alone at work tonight, fate wanted me to have my own shift that night. i was sitting in my office and watching the cameras when i noticed police car pulling up to the parking. i rolled my eyes not wanting to see her tonight, still not being ready for whatever it was gonna happened to her. vanessa went up to the door and rang the bell once, twice, three times and i didn’t respond for once. observing her through the cameras she knocked on the door then looked straight into the camera waiting for something to happen but it never did. she let out a deep sigh and got back and to her car driving away. i let out a deep sigh myself and put my hands on my face, thinking. being tired of everything that i was feeling i grabbed a napkin that was laying nearby, grabbed a pen and started writing my heart out hoping to give it to her one day.

19.05

tonight it was mike’s turn to have his own shift. as soon as he entered our office he saw the napkin with vanessa’s name on it and knew i wouldn’t leave something like that unintentionally so he knew he should handle it to her when he sees her. he decided not read it, even though i wouldn’t mind it that much.

few hours went by and vanessa turned up to the pizzeria. she didn’t pick up on our schedules i guess. she knocked on the door and mike immediately went to open it.

“she’s not in today, it’s just me.” he said with a tired smile.

“that’s what i was hoping for.” she said inviting herself in and going straight to the stage room. mike looked at her confused but closed the door and followed her to the room.

“so uh- what brings you here?” he asked scratching his neck once again. vanessa sat down on one of the tables and let out a deep sigh.

“she doesn’t like me, does she? i was too straightforward, right? i did something wrong, didn’t it?” she asked quickly becoming an anxious mess. mike went to sit beside her and took out the napkin from his pocket not showing her it yet.

“no, you didn’t.” he said and showed her the napkin with her name on it. “y/n is just… she has been through a lot and it may not seem like it but every interaction with you gave her a headache. and not the right kind.” he explained and vanessa’s face darkened even more, looking away from him.

“she doesn’t like me back. i knew it.” she said and wanted to hop off the table but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her from doing so.

“that’s not what i meant.” he said and squinted his face. “look, y/n just… she doesn’t know how to get used to those type of feelings again because of everything that has happened to her.” he said and let out a deep sigh. “it’s not about you, if i’m being honest you’re the least important thing in this whole mechanism. it’s not about you, it could be anyone and it would be the same.” he said and vanessa felt like she was going to start crying in a second. “but if i’m being honest, you’re the right person.” he added and she looked at him confused. “y/n normally wouldn’t even let anybody she found attractive near her in fear.” he said looking at the napkin in his hands. “but with you… she did. and you know how close she let you get. it means you must be different. in a good way.” he said and she uncontrollably smiled. “listen, i’m not gonna talk for her so just have this and… decide what to do with this. but please, don’t let her get false hope. she… im afraid she couldn’t take it.” he said and gave her the napkin also hopping of the table. “i’m going to my office, you know where to find me.” he said and left the room leaving vanessa with the napkin in her hands.

she looked at it anxiously and finally opened it, seeing a handwritten letter written to her.

dear vanessa,

i’m so sorry for everything that happened i mean, when i just ran away scared. sadly i can’t control all the things that im feeling, but believe me i wish i could. you didn’t do anything wrong i would say you did an opposite to that i just… i dont know how to handle what im feeling and i really don’t want to ruin anything. when im with you, you’re making me feel like im on top of the world but when im alone again i feel like a piece of shit. i know it’s fully my problem so i don’t want to bother you with this or anything else connected to me but i just wanted you to know that u really like you and i literally would do anything for these feelings to go away but i can’t. if i wasn’t feeling all of this i would’ve already asked you out and probably ask you to date me but even the thought of it makes me feel like im going to vomit. not because of you, of course, but just at the thought that something can go wrong i just… i hope you understand and i hope this letter doesn’t hurt you as much as it does me. i would do anything to fall for you without feeling… the way i am.

y/n

vanessa felt her eyes water up as she read the last sentence of the letter. she squeezed the napkin in her hands and immediately got off of the table walking straight to her car and driving to my apartment. i have never told her where i live so i guess being a police officer comes with its pros.

when she knocked on my door i was confused on who would be at my door at this hour but when i went to open it and saw her my heart dropped again, just like when i first saw her. i wanted to close the door but she grabbed it first.

“please, let me talk to you.” she said holding the door and looking at me with tears in her eyes. i shrugged and moved away from door letting her in. she closed the door behind her and immediately went after me. “listen to me.” she said grabbing my wrist and i looked at her surprised and scared. she immediately let go off my wrist and took a deep breath. “will you give me two minutes?” she asked and i nodded my head, standing in front of her.

“quick.” i said, being able to only get one word out do my throat.

vanessa took another deep breath and looked into my eyes. “i want to try. i want to see what will turn out from this. i know you’re scared, but i don’t want to hurt you, i know you probably heard it a dozen times, but please, give me w chance.” she said and tears started to form in her eyes. “i want to be with you for as long as the world will let me and even after that. we don’t have to jump into relationship of course, but i just want to be here for you even as a friend. don’t just cross me out of your life because you’re scared. i know how it is, believe me but…” she looked away and blinked a few times. “i want to try with you. i want to be here for you i want… i want to be yours and more importantly i want you to be mine. not on my conditions, not on yours, not on the worlds conditions, on ours. however we make them. i want to be here when you need me or when you just want to talk about everything and nothing. i want to be in your life and i want you in mine. when i first say you that day i knew i wanted to try and i hoped and still hope you’ll want to try as well. i don’t want to scare you or hurt you and ill do anything in my will not to do those things but if i eventually do, just tell me and i’ll do better, for you.” she said and grabbed my hands with her squeezing them. “please, i don’t want to loose you so quickly without even getting to know you. i want to give you my days and nights to just try and help you overcome your fears and everything bad that you’re feeling. i want to be that person and i know it might hurt one day, cause we never know what’s going to happen to us, but… isn’t it at least worth a try?“ she asked and a single tear rolled down her face. i bit my lower lip thinking what to say.

“okay.” i say simply and softly not being able to say anything else, being overwhelmed by her words and everything i was feeling at that moment. she smiled, and i knew this smile already was the death of me.

she let go off my hands and gently put her own on my face stroking my cheeks with a smile and tears still floating from her eyes.

“can i kiss you now?” she asked and i looked scared and felt scared but decided to agree, after all.

i nodded my head and her smile grew even wider. she moved her face closer, touching my nose with hers and just staring into my eyes for a long moment of silence. after a while i smiled to her my hands going to her belt and moved my head up so our lips would finally touch. she kissed me immediately, but she did it so softly i almost didn’t feel the kiss. our lips danced together for a moment and then she leaned away looking into my eyes again. i smiled to her and giggled not feeling so scared or trapped anymore, nor as close as i did that day in pizzeria. her smile widened as well as she whispered.

"i hope none of us is gonna regret it, ever."

[i4oba]

cassiopeia — njm.

jaemin & fem!reader ✰ soulmate!au

genre: angst?

summary: fate has its own little games, but giving only twenty-four hours is by far the most cruel of them all. and you have to endure that in every life of yours.

warnings: mention’s of death, major character’s death, a few cuss words??, it’s a bit angsty and has some suggestive themes somewhere in the middle :) .. but ofc it was written in flowery language so it’s not that bad! also it’s not proofread, sorry :,( … although it was written like 2 and a half years ago.. eheh SORRY IM STUPIDD

word count: 5k

author’s note: i originally wrote this story in my native language, which made it harder to tell it in english as well.. english isn’t capable of capturing my metaphors!!!! i hate it here!!!!! i sound stupid in english!!!!!!!! >:(

and no matter how many times have you been staring at the night sky, even hundreds of stars weren’t able to show you the right directions. no matter how diligent you were on finding those constellations, recognizing them wasn’t enough to make you less lost in the vast world of ours. you could have done anything as you were lying down on the freshly mowed grass, looking at those stars, alligned even, which you two had always been mentioning over the time — the feeling of emptiness wouldn’t go away. as you focused on the stars and how bright they were glowing, your arms stretched out in hopes of being able to touch them: everything became even more painful. and as your fingers were dancing in the air, from one star to another, your eyes teared up and your mind was screaming only one thing: enough. it was all enough. since you hated this with your whole existence. and the cassiopeia was reminding you of this constantly;

you have never been able to decide whether remembering is worse or forgetting. you would have loved to experience both at least once, but fate gave you a different card. one, which you carefully choose from the big card house, telling you something: your curse is remembering. and as you hold that little card in your hands, glaring at the crimson coloured letters, you feel like screaming all of your bottled up anger out every time. you always feel like protesting against fate, you want to say and do otherwise but were you ever in a place to do so? you have never had the chance. thus you learnt how to bear with it, what else was there to do? getting into a fight with the fates who were so focused on directing your life, having an evil smile on their faces as they were slowly cutting the thread of that person’s life, who was the sole reason you could stay sane? would you have stolen those old and rusty scissors from their hands, putting a dot after their history of standing so tall, being placed higher in the invisible hierarchy between people and them? would you have given some more time to you two? would you have changed past, present and future?

all of it is just a wandering thought which crosses your mind frequently through your days as you live your boring life. you spend every day with planning out your dirty little revenge, and end it with the conclusion: you’re unable to do it. admitting it felt like losing a game against something you could not even see. and this uncertainity put you in a state of something close to insanity through every life you have lived as the time has passed.

through these lives, you have experienced so many things but the worst part was always those twenty-four hours, which was completed with more and more tears and pain as the centuries passed. in the first lifespan you were pretty much naive, hopeful and happy, that twenty-four hour only made you confused. you could not process what was happening. but later on, you figured it out, having to accept the misery that came with it. you could understand why all of this is such a big sacrifice. in your fourth life have you cried first and you can still feel the fingers wiping your hot tears away, the ice cold feeling of them leaving an unforgettable trace on your skin. to this day, you still vividly remember that moment and feeling how trying hard was never enough, and the bittersweet taste lingering in your mouth has slowly started to fade away. it has become meaningless. harsh and almost so cruel.

but you still didn’t know which one is worse: being the one who forgets or remembering everything so vividly.

jaemin will never be able to comprehend this. after all, he didn’t have to live those grey lives which was coordinated by the suffocating feeling of trying to reach solutions and having to give up. after all, he wasn’t the one who had to watch his loved one’s death over and over again and he wasn’t the one either who had to carry the weight of the pain this caused. since he got the card of forgetting, which was followed by one single thing since gambling with the ones from above is not that clear and easy as we all think it is.

and the price did not only made his life worse, it controlled yours as well.

the first time you have heard the definiton of a “soulmate”, you were halfway through your sixth life. back then, even saying the word felt so strange but as you said it out loud more and more, having the thought of it in your mind constantly, it made you realize something: you and jaemin are the best, exact example of those said soulmates. but inside a horrible cage you weren’t able to leave. it had the feeling of a really bad book which was written by a prestigious author who had a really evil side to their personality. you could even imagine his pen scratching the paper, completed with the blue ink which allegorically wrote the story of you two. a terrible fairy tale that people use to scare their children, saying that this is going to be their fate if they misbehave. and as one of them, you would have believed their words. you would have been terrified. you were in fact scared, that cannot be denied.

on top of that, you had to live in this story, through so many years. no matter how many times you were praying, down on your knees, waiting for it to reach its end, you did not get what you wanted. and you have always felt like it wasn’t fair. ruthlessness transcending through lives which your friends didn’t have to experience. you had hundreds of them but somehow they were lucky. you were counting down the hours, the minutes and even the seconds as if it was like a test, but they always failed. they were able to not get lost in the maze of fate that trapped you and jaemin inside. they were special, all of them.

or were you two the special ones?

you were completely sure about your answer: no. although the thought of being the “chosen ones” has crossed your mind before, as if you two were something like a transcendent, but as years passed, along with centuries and lives, you could only figure one thing: you will never be fully happy. happiness is relative anyway, something you can’t put your hands on, it’s everything around us and everything that’s not at the same time. it seems so far away from you at moments, but on other days it’s so close you could reach it easily but no one could really define what it really is. it’s different in everyone’s lives, the way it becomes the same with many different things, varying on the person. even the sound of the word was music to the ears even if they didn’t know what it is exactly. everyone gets to know it along their journey, their lifetime and they may be lucky to being able to put their fingers on it, they can feel it and they can drag it with themselves.

for you, happiness was the same as those twenty-four hours that guided you through your lives. that small amount of time that you were keen on finding as soon as possible, putting everything on the line. which meant everything and nothing at the same time. and the thought of this was always able to bring some light into your rather bitter life, where the shadows grew too huge, close to consume you completely.

just like in your present life. which, of course isn’t really that bad, it is one of the best ones, to be quite honest but the emptiness inside of you was quite like a dark hole. it made you hopeless even though you had a goal. one that was so dear to you, saint even, which you could have tried to explain to anyone, none of them would have understood it. everyone thought you’re crazy and that you need therapy. even if the last one was true, you knew you’re going to eventually find jaemin, may it be on a rainy day in a bus stop, in a diner’s silent corner or in the university you’re currently attending.

but no. none of these were correct. every time you went to these places, fate was trickier than you would have thought and this was well-known to you.

you had to face this in a newly opened museum which had the slogan, “only miracles are awaiting here”.

how true this was… a real miracle.

as you walked from rooms to the others, all alone, somehow all thoughts left your mind. as if it was the cure, the new atmosphere and the exhibition, as if running back into the past had an effect similar to a band aid. it could get its job done for a while but sooner or later, it would give up as well. just like every solution you had tried out in the past years. nothing was permanent and there was no guarantee.

while you were staring at those paintings, listening to other people’s excited conversations, all you could think of was the loneliness. shivers went down your spine, the consonants following the vowels, creating something so new and so negative. the word you hated the most. and the word that was the title of the oil painting in front of you, seemingly too perfect for the symbolic work of art. a bad feeling took over you. you paid one last look to the framed beauty, glaring at the darkness and the pitch black shadows. after that, you left the room. the heavy atmosphere and the pictures of nightmare.

that’s when you entered the smallest exhibition hall where only a piece of paper was shown. it was protected with thick glass, making you wonder why is it such a big deal. why would they keep an old, yellow paper where the words were probably blurred together in the exhibition? it is supposed to be in the archives anyway, or does it not? putting these thoughts aside, you took a few steps closer to the “artwork”, eyebrows raised as curiosty took over you.

“love letter from the eighteenth century” was written on the little description, so you bent down a little to take a better look and maybe figure out why it was so special. and staring at those two papers which turned brown in the past years, the big realisation hit you: it was your letter. you wrote it. becoming aware of this fact made you froze in an instant, only being able to read the text filled with beautifully written cursive over and over again. and then you looked up, only to meet with a pair of eyes through the glass.

the person you wrote the letter for.

looking at him with the barrier between you two, suddenly you didn’t know what to do. seeing his face, his beautiful smile, it felt like someone gave you some extra energy. before your brain could have reacted to all of this, your legs took the control, running to him. you hugged him, melting into his touch, trying to embrace his fragrance, hoping that it will linger a little longer in your nose and mind as well. you didn’t want to believe this. nor what was coming next, alongside with the reunion.

“sorry for being late” he whispered while he stroked your hair carefully, arms tight around you. as if the moment was going on forever, it made you forget about everything. it made you feel glad. your own little happiness has found you again. but it cannot stay so long.

“i could wait thousands of years for you, jaemin” you told him truthfully, eyes searching for his. you hugged him once again. you couldn’t get enough of his hugs. “there are so many things we have to discuss, i literally… don’t even know where to start” you intertwined your fingers and dragged him with you, him simply letting you do so. since he knew: you have been waiting for this moment to come for so long. this is why you were suffering for years on end. but before you could have leave the basement, he set a timer.

for twenty-four hours.

“and how was… basically everything so far?” you asked jaemin who was picking at the food in front of him, not having the courage to look at you.

“not that nice” he replied and you heard his voice being a little hesitant. “but hey, at least i don’t have to bear it anymore!” he tried to joke about the situation but your worried glance told him to stop. don’t do it. it’s not funny.

“i really have to apologize for not finding you soon enough.”

“no, please, don’t. you should never blame yourself” he reached out for your hands, stroking it with his thumbs carefully. “it’s not your fault. neither mine. it’s just a bad joke of those who think they are above us. we cannot do anything about that.”

“and neither against it…”

“look, y/n” jaemin cleared his throat before continuing. “in these rather short lives of mine, i figured out something. fate cannot be rewritten nor changed. everything’s going to happen like it was decided before. just imagine a big book that’s made by gods. our story is just one part of that great book which consists of other many tales, millions of them. we are too small and worthless to add to our story, we can’t complete it however we would love to. that’s their job to do. they are the only ones that are able to erase things and make something new out of them. they are everything we have and we are nothing more than a small piece of the big picture to them.”

“we’re only just marionettes which they can play with whenever they want to” you added mumbling quietly. jaemin was chewing on his lips while he nodded. eventhough admitting it hurts, your words meant the truth.

you two were only mere props in the endless play with the name of “the cycle of life”.

“but hey, no need to be sad!” he wiped the tears aways as soon as he spotted one crossing your face in a fast pace. “we should enjoy this day so we could annoy the gods! are you in?” he stood up, grabbing your hands carefully. and you gave in. what else would you have done? after all, you were the one stressing endlessly through your whole life, it would have been a pity to miss the chance;

on the passenger seat of jaemin’s really old toyota, so many things were running in your mind. as you were focusing on the picturesque landscape, too many thoughts were attacking you suddenly — were you even able to sort those out in the dusty storage of your mind? only the warm touch of jaemin’s hand, feeling too hot on your legs, made you go back and forth between one thing and being sane.

and as if he read your mind, he gave voice to it.

“there’s no such thing as impossible, knowing and feeling how love transcends time and space, it’s...”

your head jerked up upon hearing his words. you wanted to solve your dear lover’s expression. the way the last words fall out of his lips and how those said lips were slightly smiling while his eyes were searching for yours. everything felt so surreal. you were weak and small but the thing between you was able to make you believe the opposite: you are the strongest of them all.

which, being completely serious, is true. since enduring all those lives is something only the strongest people can do. only they are able to watch the person they were assigned to, slowly fading away between their fingers;

reaching the local park, this was all you could think about. the memories you have made with jaemin only became sharper and even him being there with you, weren’t able to heal your scars. he held your hand, smiled and told you multiple times: he loves you. everytime he repeated those three words, the slight worry always became more and more visible. no matter how strongly you were holding onto the boy, it has became more clear: you’re going to lose him either way.

but that’s the thing you should think about the least. you need to focus on enjoying every moment. the fact that you can sit comfortably on the checkered blanket with him, spending a whole day together. the fact that you can have a picnic, you can talk for hours on end, your love is not unrequited anymore. you could have hide it but the years made you sometimes too unamused.

“why aren’t we ending this already?” you asked mindlessly, and as soon as you put a grape in your mouth, you regretted your words as jaemin’s face slowly became serious.

“please, don’t say things like this, okay? enjoy this day to its fullest. i want to love you until i go crazy. at least through this damn day.”

“i’ve loved you through this whole lifetime” you told him, fighting the urge to cry. “you have no idea how hard it is to think about it every god damn day. if people think you’re insane and let you rot in your own, personal pit. you don’t know how much it hurts to get in your bed, knowing that you have to go through your lover’s… your soulmate’s death someday. the one’s death that you love the most in the whole universe.” your voice was filled with uncontrollable emotions — regret rushed over you seeing him, teary eyed and confused.

“maybe. but dying isn’t that nice either.” his reply was bitter and his intention was clear: he wanted to leave you and calm down a bit. but you didn’t let him. you reached out for his hand and pulled him closer to yourself. he stared into your eyes but you didn’t say a word. that’s why he broke the silence. “all day, all i can focus on is that we can’t have a family. i can’t have a kid and i can’t grow old with you. i cannot love you utterly and completely for a whole lifetime. they took everything from us, that’s true… but let’s do something against that. please.”

“what could we do, jaemin? even if i shout at the sky above us, nothing will change! i’ve had enough and i just…”

before you could have finished your sentence, a big dog that was previously running around in the park, came to you two, sniffing your basket and deciding on being your company. your little argue was cut off by a golden retriever who was looking at you and jaemin, big eyes filled with curiosity. and you got a kiss from the dog too!

“isn’t this what other people call… little doze of happiness?” you said quietly, peeking at jaemin while petting the dog, looking at his collar, searching for a name. “buddy! what a cute name!”

“you see, y/n? that’s what i want. rendezvous, petting dogs, joy and sunshine. why can’t we get this?”

why?

what you have learnt from your experiences is one single thing: time is money and it won’t wait. as if the hours were passing by much faster in those twenty-four hours, one can be gone in a blink of an eye. you despised this, you have always hated that it had to be like this way, that you couldn’t stop time or travel to a whole another universe, waking up in a world where you can have a happy life with your dear lover.

the night came by so quickly you didn’t even realize its presence at first. the hours were going so fast, you couldn’t process the speed of it. you could only avert your attention from it as much as you were possibly able to. and in that moment, laying in the grass and gazing at the stars, it felt like as if you wasted every precious minute. but it felt so nice, eyes focused on the starry night, stars glowing shinier than one another, hands intertwined and fingers pointing at the sky. you gave the stars names and were adamant on finding more and more constellations. stargazing was what you two loved the most.

and then you saw the cassiopeia. the one thing that could remind you of the endless loop you and jaemin were in. spotting the constellation, you stood up in the grass and looked at your lover. his moonlit figure was equivalent to the most beautiful artwork in the whole universe. you were disgustingly in love with him. and that came with pain. so much pain.

“shouldn’t we go inside?” you asked suddenly, playing with your fingers while trying to avoid his gaze.

“you want to go in, love?”

you could only nod as an answer but he did what you wanted, without asking any further questions. he wanted to make you happy, more than anything. he wanted to see an honest smile on your face which can warm his heart up. since not only you were in a panic, he was too. but he preferred to not show it.

eventhough he was a master of everything else. and he showed it to you that night.

such heavenly words left his lips, he could have made a whole essay out of it, filled with emotions he wanted to show you on that short night that was given by fate; love, care and gratitude came out of his actions as he was talking to you, the way he handled everything. the way he mumbled in your ears without stop, the magical word “love” being repeated over and over, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you and the way he hugged you. he perfectly knew everything about you, he knew about your soft spots, he knew every inch of your body and he was so eager to discover it all over again since he can never get enough of you. he loved to trace his fingers over your figure, losing control here and there with those touches, reaching places that were the most precious to him. he loved to see how you reacted, how you said his name after every, sweet kiss of his, the way your voice was so shaky with every passing minute. as if he was playing a game with you, but that wasn’t the case. he showed you his true colours and you did the same. you were an open book in front of him, waiting for a sign from him. a small stroke of a brush which indicates that he was there. the marks blooming in thousands of colours, blue and purple, looking like the galaxy from above. you were like canvas to him, his signature on the corner of the painting, as if he was the painter. the artist. which was true, after all.

and as you were holding those stars in your hands, previously seen on the sky, you felt like you entered heaven. it had a feeling of warmth, the way those bright stars were in your hands, put there by jaemin. you could finally have it and you never wanted to let go of it. you could see that kind of reflection in your dear lover’s eyes, mirroring the honest feelings, the loyalty that connected you two. it was able to warm your heart up before crushing it. breaking it into millions of pieces.

that’s how it was with him. although it should have been much different.

and the brightest stars of them all, was brought the closest to you. you held it tightly and you were so stubborn on never letting it go. you closed your eyes and all you could focus on was jaemin’s quiet murmurs next to you.

dreams took you by surprise, although you wanted to avoid sleeping. but now, somehow you didn’t care about anything anymore. you gave in and entered dreamland together. close to each other — the closest ever.

at least during the night, you could pretend to be normal people. at least for a night.

waking up, the first thing that came to mind was checking up on the remaining time but as your eyes met jaemin and how peacefully he slept, time seemed to stop for a while. for a few moments, you could only study his face, the way he seemed so relaxed and comfortable. you watched his chest moving with every breath he took. you would have loved to give him a sweet little kiss but you didn’t have the heart to wake him up. eventhough you were aware of the fact: minutes are passing by in a hurry and every blink was equal to the end of your happiness.

“since when are you looking this attentively, love?” he asked in a sleepy voice before he opened his eyes. the corner of his lips went up a little as he felt your touch on his face. plus the small peck you greeted him with made the day a hundred times better. “i won’t lie if i say that you are the best thing the universe has ever created” his mumble was almost inaudible but you could still hear caring ringig in his speech.

for a long time, this was the first morning when waking up, you could hear the birds’ music so clear. the soft kind of song which mixed with the early rays of the sun, them not being able to fully warm up the room. everything felt so idillic, like it was a fairy tale. and if it hadn’t got such depressing ending, you would have agreed it was one.

“how did you say two lives before?” jaemin smiled and squeezed your hands, looking up and down on your face. “even the sun rose up today so it can follow the last few hours of our sorrowful tragicomedy?”

“how can you remember so perfectly? i mean… i am the one who should never forget, isn’t that true?” you shook your head, your grip on his hands tightening.

“looking at you calls out the hidden memories buried in the depths of my mind, you know.”

the rest of the day was dedicated to trying to enjoy it as much as you could, even if there wasn’t that much time in your hands. you had a long walk, holding each other’s hand, you ate delicious foods and tried everything that’s considered as the “perfect date”, corny things you have only seen in romance movies. it felt like the most treasured possession you had — time. after every kiss you gave to jaemin, you tried to remind him how thankful you were, stressing out the word “treasure”, letting him analyze the word as well. letting him repeat is and define whether it’s worth everything or nothing. whether it’s equal to love or not.

in the last hour of your time that was given, you two went back to your family’s house and its large backyard. no one was home so it made it much easier to sit on the ground and look at the sky once again, following the clouds’ slow pace.

“my current mother told me once that love takes something with itself every time…” jaemin said suddenly, out of nowhere, attentively looking at one certain cloud which he identified as a ‘dog’, based on its shape.

“what do you mean by that?”

“this is what love takes from us.” he mumbled, not really sure of his words. maybe he’s saying dumb stuff and his theory isn’t actually right.

“your current mother is right, i fear” only a sigh escaped your lips but you still continued, eyes fixed on the sky. “we have to pay for being together. but why is the price so high?”

you didn’t get any answers to your question, only a hum. you knew this is what’s going to happen, you didn’t wait for anything else. after all, jaemin barely knew anything about the world, maybe half of your knowledge was there for him, perhaps even less than that. if you couldn’t find the answer, why would he suddenly get the idea? you had centuries to think about it and he always forgot everything. maybe he was the one who won. in your eyes, it seemed like that.

as time passed and the sun started to set, you felt it coming. the last kiss was shared twenty minutes ago, too weak already. but his hand… you did not let go of that. you weren’t ready to lose him. you believed you would give him strength, that you can spare his life. but no, it was not the case. as you embraced him, all you could focus on was his heavy breathing and the way he told you nonchalantly: “i don’t want to die, it hurts”. tears were falling down on his face which was so pale and full of misery. his voice lost its colour slowly and everything felt like the worst nightmare one could think of.

“y/n, i… it hurts…”

his hands were weak and cold. you stroked his face, barely touching him because of the fear: you might cause more pain. you ran your fingers through his hair and found his gaze. yours was fixed on his iris, trying to look for the solution in there — it might be hidden. the last little piece of the final formula. but you couldn’t find it. you’ve never been able to.

the last sentence you heard from him in the current lifetime of yours consisted of three words. three simple yet so heartwarming words, barely escaping his lips.

“i love you.”

and you had to witness the agony of death once again, it was the price for the day. for your everything.

everything started all over again. greyness and gloom took over your life as the last little source of light faded away slowly, vanishing completely. and before you could have thought it’s going to be different this time, you knew it’s not true.

since that’s not what the book of fate had carved into its chapters. you two were destined for something else.

“i love you too, jaemin.”

[kyusoob]

*whispers* i am literally luo binghe. i was ranting to a friend on ponytown about bingqiu for like. idk how long but i take it to tumblr now.

i often wonder what luo binghe felt as he was pushed into the endless abyss and what he felt after. the anxiety the fear the confusion as shen qingqiu pointed his sword at him. then pushed him down. how could he? does he not remember his own words? the very words he told luo binghe that lead to him learning demonic cultivation? he hates demons? he hates luo binghe.

falling for god knows how long. what was he feeling? and thinking? was there a disgusting pit in his stomach that made its way through his veins? what about confusion? why am i falling? why did he push me? whats going to happen to me? when am i going to land? where am i? shizun?

was he in a state of shock, body cold to the touch. eyes wide open and his whole body trembling.

often when i experience such a shocking unexpected situation and go through a million emotions, i feel those emotions so strongly. whether its sadness or anger or disgust. i feel it so strongly i get sick to my stomach. what follows after is usually a period of complete emptiness. i don't feel any emotions and when i think about everything that happened, i dont recall the emotions i felt during it. i get so impulsive and become a danger to myself an others.

i think a lot about a luo binghe who trudges the demon realm in survival mode. he doesnt feel betrayal or fear or anything of the sorts. he's in a state of absolute nothingness. of course he gets out of this mental state in due time but like. ya.

and i think a lot about how this affects his view on shen qingqiu. we already know how often he splits on him. that constant push and pull we see through the novel is why bingqiu and binghe is often criticized and labelled and just plain toxic. and i agree parts of bingqiu are pretty toxic and unhealthy, but that doesn't mean the whole relationship is doomed.

the novel literally shows us binghe's declining mental state and shen yuan himself realizes it and comments on it. i never understand the hate bingqiu got and why it was called one sided. svsss is literally a build up to their relationship. "the story between me and you has just begun" like hello?

i constantly make the "MXTX! Write svsss in lbh's pov and my life is yours" joke but i think i genuinely wouldnt want to read that. whenever i engage with media, i often get real engrossed with the content and i fully feel and understand what the characters are going through. because of how much i related to luo binghe, what we wre shown was so much more intense. lbh's pov would be absolutely devastating and i truly think that it would send me in a depressive spiral.. i love u luo binghe i wish u total happiness with shen qingqiu.

if anyone makes it to the end hi sorry its not very well written. im not very good with words but i feel A LOT.

[tsukasalvr]

Hey!!! It's 🇧🇷 anon here! How are you?

⠀

Can I request Hanako and Tsukasa Yugi with an s/o that is from Demon Slayer? Like... S/o is from Demon Slayer and somehow ended up in Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun... I've been brainroting this for a long time idk why...

If you don't want to make this request, that's fine

s/o from demon slayer

Anime/fandom: Tbhk

Characters: Hanako, Tsukasa Yugi

Warnings: I don’t proofread

A/n: this one person in my third period is kinda fine and Im trying soo hard to get close to them

Tbhk masterlist | Main masterlist

Hanako

It was night and Hanako was wandering around the empty halls, and when he was passing the back door he heard a loud crash.

‘Did some lone break in?’ He wondered and went through the door to tave a look, and was shocked to see a person laying near the garden. He flew over to them quickly and was confused by their attire. It seemed to be a uniform but not one he recognizes, and your haori as well, you don’t see people with those here as much

When he heard you groan in pain he stood in front of your head. When you opened your eyes you were greeted with a ghost boy leaning over you smiling

Hanako was suspicious of you I mean you were flaming to be from the Taisho era and had a sword on you—maybe this was some big scheme to get rid of him

But his suspicions vanished when he saw how sincere and honest you were, and when you demonstrated your breathing style, he fully believe you since it didn’t seem to hurt him

He becomes curious and asks questions about demons and will ask to play with the sword you have to scare Kou

“Man eating demons? And you decided to join the corps to kill them? How noble of you!” He praises you since from what you told him of the past missions you’ve had and described how some slayers were brutally killed, he thinks it’s very kind of you risk your life for others

Will boast about you to Kou and how you’re so awesome and will ask you to show off your breathing style and say how it’s the prettiest thing ever

Even though he’s been dead for years and still doesn’t know some modern things, he will tease you for not knowing something even though he doesn’t know either and will call you old to tease you

“It must get so hot to be in that stuffy uniform all the time, if you want you can take it off!” Hanako said cheekily with warm cheeks

Tsukasa Yugi

Tsukasa was bored, and he was looking out the window that had a full view to the garden. He was tapping at the window at each star he saw in the night sky. But with every tap, he would get even more bored

His eyes were directed a bright light in the garden, his eyes shined with interest when he saw what looked like a portal and a disheveled person with a sword come out of it, and once they were fully out, the portal was immediately shut

Tsukasa immediately went outside, he was very excited. When he went out to see you, he was greeted with the tip of a sword pointing at his neck. He smiled devilishly at you and explained who he was and you did too

You were so interesting to him so he would constantly cling on you and keep you in the broadcasting room. He once licked the sword because of the color

Will ask you to use your breathing styles in the school but when you tell him it can get dangerous, he just brings you to a secret place where it’s only you and him so you can show him

Will ask you about the Taisho period and demons. He learned you came here because of a demon you were fighting who had the power to summon portals.

“So it’s filled with demons who humans? Woah!” He says in awe while stuffing his mouth with honey glazed blueberry muffins then stuffed it into your mouth when he took a bite

Honestly wouldn’t want you to leave, you’re too fascinating to him and with you gone it’ll be too boring.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

bpp im a different anon, but i have some major follow up asks pls. im seeing a lot of narratives and im confused. what do you say to the view that jimin is the most successful soloist in bts and taekook's popularity mainly because of their shippers and visuals not their ability as musicians. it seems true when you see jimin's songs are most streamed. jimin's songs are always most successful, he focuses on music while taekook get clout for their looks mostly. people also join the fandom for jimin. he's the biggest stan attractor. i think big hit is marketing bts using jimin to push other members. people notice jimin first then look at other bts members. jungkook is most favored promoted in bts even though jimin is more talented in things like dancing based on critics reviews. you can't deny it. in addition the other anon you didn't address their point about the weverse article bpp. i would really love to see your reply to why big hit discredits jimin's success in weverse. i want to support jikook fully but my heart bleeds for jimin. im ot7 and love all seven members but it's so clear the company doesn't give him the marketing and support he deserves while they give other members everything.

Ask 2: bpp sorry i forgot to add the way jimin attracts people and men highly. his androgenous look is power. he has real star power and shocked everybody with his billboard win using a korean song!! jimin has the air of royalty so he attracts high end brands, jungkook is like boy next door so big hit market him to common brands like calvin klein. its not wrong to say it. my question is, why doesnt jimin push himself? why does he just accept the mistreatment? he said so many things in his album and now it just feels empty? its like he doesn't want to be a solo star. does big hit not see the power and support he has? does jimin not see it? should we be louder as jimin fans? the way taekook fans are loud? why does the fandom not support them equally? im so confused bpp.

***

Sigh. Y'all, that fandom implosion I keep talking about? It's coming.

Anyone who thinks Jimin fans aren't 'loud', hasn't been to Korea, was probably in a coma when Jimin got #1 on the Billboard Hot100, or probably just doesn't have a Twitter account.

You know, I've known for a while that the closer we get to Jungkook and Taehyung's solo debuts, the more I'll see asks like this in my inbox.

I'm in a shipping space after all, and everyone knows many shippers think like solo stans of their chosen duo. It just can't be helped. It's inevitable because being extremely biased on one member or pairing, you're bound to develop a peculiar type of tunnel vision. It's why shipping spaces get so toxic so quickly - shippers are only one logical argument removed from solo stans and so often occupy spaces directly adjacent to solo stan spaces. In my opinion.

I mean, it's literally FESTA. BTS's 10th year anniversary, but because of the fights, arguments, and narratives happening in akgae spaces for the last couple of days, my inbox has seen about 5 asks about how Jimin is hated by HYBE, how Jungkook is a special golden goose at the expense of Jimin, how everyone in BTS leeches off Jimin, and how he's actually the most successful and most talented, la di la di la da... just in the last 24 hours or so.

In a way, I don't mind it because I know where it comes from. If you're in a space where you see someone you love constantly dehumanized, slutshamed, all his achievements ridiculed and made to seem bought and worthless, people already anticipating his records broken by the next solo release when you feel his solo debut was inadequate, etc, it's not hard to see how the kneejerk reaction to this is to magnify what you believe to be his worth. It's true also that Jimin has faced specific handicaps not seen for other members, deals with a potent mix of prejudices, and is exceptionally talented in performing, acting, and the way he expresses music in dance and vocal tone. He stands out and many people get into BTS because of him.

The thing is, in a group like BTS, it's impossible to do this without disrespecting and putting down the other members, because they are all very talented and are excellent performers, have all made sacrifices and compromises for the team - most of which we'll never know, and have all contributed equally to the success that is BTS.

If you're actually paying attention to all seven members, to what they say to and about each other and their team, this would be obvious. For another Anon who saw D-DAY concerts and asked me if BTS concerts is how you become OT7. I never answered that question, but Anon if you're reading this, the answer is no. The way you become OT7 is actually listening to what they say, putting aside your preconceived notions about what a band should look like (the breakout star and frontman model), and keeping your eyes open and your wits about you.

Just as I said in my post on Jimin's contributions to BTS about how people who downplay him think about 'contribution' in a very narrow way that's centered on what resonates most with them, so too is this view applied to other members' contributions to the team that don't center on dancing, singing, and acts of kindness or sacrifice captured on camera.

Obviously. Well, in my opinion at least.

Also, the comments about Jungkook in this ask frankly make my skin crawl.

I'm not surprised to see it, but I find it no less gross all the same. Then there's the way I'm seeing yet again how Jimin's stans simply do not rate this man. Like, yes Jimin's FACE promo was rushed, but it's clear the man has been working since then? In what world does it look like the sentiments he communicated in Set Me Free Pt 2 feel empty? Because he's not on a tour? Angel Pt 1 is out and Pt 2 is OTW, and he's clearly still working on his projects (as is Namjoon btw) which will come later this year, but I suppose these don't count for you.

It's kinda weird to leave a space where rapline akgaes grumble about how Namgiseok all got less than 10 seconds each on Take Two - a song they wrote, how they've been getting less and less lines in BTS's songs in recent years, how the company pushes the maknae line even though people got into BTS for how good the music, production, songwriting is and blah blah blah.

Then log on here and have the plain surreal experience to see anyone say Tae and JK are popular more because of their ship and are somehow less musicians than Jimin. Like, 'Still With You' Jungkook and 'constantly coming online to share the song I made and deleted' Taehyung aren't musicians? It sounds just as ridiculous as when I hear taekookers say Jimin is mostly popular because of jikook. This is just not a claim that makes sense any way you look at it.

But again, that's just what solo stans do. They genuinely believe their chosen member is simply better than everyone else, and that his company and his team are the reason that member isn't seeing success the way solo stans envision it. They make their lists and have their reasons. And for a lot of groups, that view is actually very true. But for BTS, they simply would not have reached the levels they have, if this were true for them. There's too many eyes on them, their fans too involved, and the members too outspoken, to allow themselves be taken for a ride for 10 bloody years. In Chapter 2 it's expected that different members will see various levels of success for various reasons. One reason I say an implosion is coming, because many of those reasons have become interwoven and tainted with the narratives I listed above. The impulse to root for our favourites is very human, and few things propel people better than a sense of injustice or slight, and so it's easy to see how many will latch onto these narratives in Chapter 2, regardless of what the facts actually are.

Anyway, I've rambled. Neither of us have all the information on what BigHit has done or is doing, nor what the boys' plans are. The only people who know are the members, and so I mind my business, respect their choices, and do what I like.

And Anon, you're right I didn't address the Weverse article in my initial reply. I actually reached out to that 'Anon' right after with a reply, and will copy-paste what I told her, here:

"I just realized I forgot to respond to the point you made about the Weverse article and Jimin. It was written by a well know music critic in Korea, sometimes Weverse articles are written by critics or media commentators well known in Korea, I suspect to drive up local readership. Having writers who don’t always have a glowing opinion on Hybe and its artists, also give the impression the magazine is more credible (though I think this is nonsense). That Weverse article is actually something I reported to the company. Less because of Jimin to be fair, and more because the article was racist. The racist/tone-deaf sentiments in the article are unfortunately common in Korea and I’ve seen it first hand, but Hybe is a global company and has to develop the racial sensitivity that meets basic international norms. IMO. And so I wrote a brief email and left it at that."

I could talk more about the parallel between the racist Weverse article and what it shows for HYBE's corporate structure relative to what the members actually do, believe, impact, or say, but I've rambled and I'm tired. I hope most of what I said made sense to you Anon. Chances are I'll ignore any follow up asks because nobody really changes their mind on the internet, and I've got a backlog of asks to respond to.

[something-awful1]

my thoughts while rewatching all of Helluva Boss in honor of the S2 trailer PT 3

TRUTH SEEKERS - i sMelL.... c o l o r s 😮 - unrelated but i love the background music? like helluva has such a good soundtrack why didn't we get that for hazbin - i just like complaining - MOXXIE IS T H E BITCH - he's so me - i love this episode so much - blitz looks so chill this is so silly - I'm a VirGo- - I LOVE MOXXIE - i love the fight choreo in this episode so much - blitz is just :p - im sorry what is bitch juice - IT WAS ABOUT UGLY HORNY CATS HAHAHAHA - cue the coolest sequence in indie animation ever - IT TIS NO PRANK BITCH - BECAUSE YOUUU - MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BITCH BOY - ARE TRIPPING BAAAWWWWWLLLLLSSSS - brandon has the best line delivery istg - woah wait scribble moxxies dialogue is some of the best written dialogue in all of vivzie's projects - this animation is so cool i'm sobbing - this is one of my favorite episodes, i remember watching it when it came out and like actually sobbing - the dhorks are idiots why did they give them the truth serum but like not ask them any questions while they were under the influence of it? like- what was the point - THIS IS THE COOLEST FUCKING FIGHT SCENE EVER - no thoughts, head empty, just truth seekers fight choreo - see this is what happens when animators actually take time to make their projects look good, instead of trying to get everything out as quick as possible - millie is the coolest, go break that guy's neck with your thighs, get it bestie - OMG I HAVENT SEEN THIS EPISODE IN FOREVER I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE STOLAS - GET IT STOLASSSSSSSSSS - this is literally the coolest sequence - OWL IN A CAGE INSTRUMENTAL SPOTTED - bryce pinkham the line delivery of "how the FHUCK-" was perfect - this whole scene is perfect - HELP THE DHORKS LOOK SO CONCERNED AFTER BITZ AND STOLAS MAKE OUT - yeah this is the best episode so far, hands down OZZIES - i have never been more not ready - i have no thoughts on the beginning ngl - ugh the lust ring is so beautifully drawn, really some of vivzie's best backgrounds - not the bouncer dude implying that three people can't make one couple 🙄 - "that's a mood, gabriella" LITERALLY ONE OF THE BEST STOLAS LINES - his date outfit is so pretty - THE BOOKS ON HIS CHAIR HELP HOW DID I NEVER NOTICE THAT - blitz is so frustrating right now FUCKING TALK TO HIM INSTEAD OF SYPING ON M&M YOU PERVERT - FIZZZZZZ BABYYYY - damn imagine blitz realizing his ex-best friend and celebrity ex are at the same club as him while he's on a "date" with a goetia that must be fucking embarassing - fizz's "let's fuck him up babe" look is my favorite thing - house of asmodeus is peak songwriting, like i don't think vivzie will ever top this (i fucking hope she does though) - UGH THIS MAN'S VOICE - these two are the biggest fucking hypocrites - "you used to have a smoking wife, a kid, you had it all! i hope you didn't give it up, so you and him could get it up" is so gorgeously written and delivered - i could go into a whole analysis on stolitz rn but you could go read any other analysis on this episode and read the same shit so im not gonna - help why did he drive stolas hope? THE MAN CAN TELEPORT - stolas is so expressive i love him - OHHHH QUEEN BEE TAKES PLACE LIKE AT THE TAIL END OF OZZIES THAT MAKES MORE SENSE (queen bee took forever to come out so i was confused, i kinda forgot)

QUEEN BEE - ew i remember hating this episode so much - this feels so unfinished already - this is vivzie voicing the poodle bitch, isn't it - keshaaaaaa - i don't wanna listen to this song ngl - okay but the visuals are kinda good and i do love her voice - this must've taken forever to animate - HELP THE ONE SILENT LOONA LINE MAKES ME CRINGE SO HARD LIKE WHAT WAS SHE SAYING - she sounds like... constantly wasted as fuck - people definitely ship loona and bee don't they - i don't but like... i know someone does - i've heard a lot of people call bee bitchy, and fake, but yall i feel like she's being genuine - help she changes her mind so fucking fast - okay okay i don't hate this episode that much - blitz's little arm wave help - for reference i write all of these between the hours of 10pm and 3am, this is my complete, honest, unfiltered opinion - yeah this episode wasn't as bad as i remembered

[lokiandpeter554]

im a sucker for (part 3, heroxvillain edition)

villains who have twitter accounts and uses it just to shitpost

villains who the public ends up agreeing with just because of their twitter/tumblr posts/tweets

villains who seduces their darling heroes just because they feel like it

manipulative hero x gaslighting villain

^this but vice versa

toxic hero x toxic villain

heroes who are aware villain is manipulating them but lets them do so anyways

villains who are aware hero is trying to manipulate them but lets them do so anyways cuz hero looks so cute trying to act intimidating

villains who has an extremely soft spot for animals (mainly cats and large kitties)

villains who managed to bond with a random crow

villains who uses their magical abilities to heal themselves because they refuse to get therapy

villains who uses magic to make hero’s day more better

villains who for some reason have a wild knowledge regarding wine and alcohol

villains who acts indifferent but once offered a donut they immediately steal it and go to a random rooftop to munch on it

villains who got together with their heroes just to make their heroes’ ex jealous

soft villains

heroes who seems tough and untouchable but the moment they’re in villain’s arms, they just melt

clingy heroes

villains owns way too many flowers so they just rain hero with them

tall heroes and their short villain

villains who constantly feel like hero is superior than them and now hero is doing their best to make villain think they’re equals

villains who got their minds poisoned and now hero is extra protective of them

protective villains

possessive heroes

villains who sometimes paints in their spare time while their hero watches them in the distance

villains who knows how to play the guitar and now constantly serenades hero when they have nothing to do

head empty no thoughts heroes/villains

heroes/villains who are extremely whipped for each other

villains who makes heroes fold

oblivious villains

clueless villains

confused villains

chaotic heroes who pulls their villain into whatever shit they want to do…and villain following them willingly

self care royal villain

villains who are big on consent

villains who just nom noms their hero’s skin when their brain just flatlines

heroes who just nom noms their villain’s skin when their brain just flatlines

poetic villains and their poetic compliments

heroes who has picked up villain’s poeticness and now cant stop being poetic (they freak out when they realize this and villain is just hysterically laughing at them)

villains who likes to cuddle the shit out of heroes because they dont know how else to show their love

heroes who cuddles villains and gives them little head pats every time they meet each other

heroes who likes messing with villains hair (villain letting them do so)

[mangyraccooon]

The Phoenix and the Wild

https://www.tumblr.com/xamaxenta/722931486576214016/just-a-thought-marco-had-known-for-a-long-time?source=share

a little taste of a wip Ive been working on since I told Xam bout it, yes I had to deactivate my account and then reactivate; don't ask it was such a headache

Long long ago, before the emptiness that consumed the world before the sun descended from the sky, before the people heard the phoenix war cry.

There were gods, gods of every shape colour and size. Gods with a hundred hands, gods who hid in smoky coils and gods who had no eyes.

And above it all shining bright the sun would preside, Nika the god of laughter, life and light. Beside Nika stood the Phoenix, his brother and advisor to any plight.

One day the Phoenix met The Wild, The Hunt, The godless god. A meeting perhaps not so strange but unexpected. They were the strangest being, constantly shifting. Wolf, Jaguar, falcon, yet their eyes always stayed the same. Glowing like the embers of a fire.

Terrible how the phoenix has always had such a weakness for flames.

the story goes like this, two gods fall in love and through love comes creation. (not that kind of creation). A new being born on earth, great obsidian wings, eyes like rubies, long white hair and a constant fire burning above their back. Their child (in a way). The Wild started spending more time on earth, teaching their and others creations how to survive. The story goes like this; The Phoenix tells the Wild

"I will love you for the rest of eternity."

I wish I could say this story has a happy ending.

The Wild is killed, humans are ever so fickle you see.

The Phoenix screams.

The Phoenix tears through every settlement It can find, ripping the ones who dare take Its love away. By the end the bottom of Its feathers and robes are soaked in blood. By the end Hope tracks It down and holds it down, the metal pipe pressed against Its throat. Nika watches as his brother cries and screams, the agony of eternity.

"The Phoenix, God of Eternity, Medicine and healing. I know anoint you a new title."

Red eyes meet blue and for a moment, there is an all encompassing dread. Then Nika looks away, "My Brother, My friend, The Phoenix, God of eternity, God of Death."

Hundreds of years pass, perhaps a thousands. Nika falls from the sky, susceptible to the most human emotion; love. The gods either give up or fade away, some plant themselves hoping to reawaken again. The Phoenix continues, It cannot fall nor can it die.

Perhaps in those centuries of loneliness, it came to forgive humans, perhaps not. Maybe it made a deal with someone a priestess who loved Nika. Maybe it became a memory, a ritual of sorts for one to pass down. A guardian.

Maybe it caught a man who in turn taught it love, maybe it stuck by the mans side until the day he died.

Maybe maybe maybe, there are so many maybes and so many routes that Fate would have it travel down. (never trust fate.)

Whatever the case, the route, the path. The Phoenix collides with a boy who is dying and maybe in a fit of madness, decides to heal him. There is a deal struck and the Phoenix lets it conscious fade into the background of the boys mind.

Whatever the route the end always stays the same.

the Phoenix presides on a ship now, watching through someones eyes. Until it sees the flame. The Fire, It knows that fire. It calls, whispering with a hundred voices, distorted like speaking through glass.

Anyone watching would be confused as the First commander Marco's eyes changed colour. The deep indigo, swirling into a burning cerulean. The Phoenix feels the roar of power as It finally reaches the flame, pulling the one It thought lost into a kiss.

Grey eyes are uncertain but sparking, flames lick around Its fingers as The Phoenix caresses a freckled cheek. "I found you, My Wild."

-well this was a lot of fun, shoutout to @xamaxenta im stealing this back <3 and @apphiarothowrites for writing crack cocaine and fuelling my addiction. (also the brother idea)

[doppel-dean-er]

fuck you it's another one of these. community characters and black mirror episodes because YOU KNOW WHAT? seaons 2,3, and 4 were good

Abed is USS Callister - OUGH my favorite episode. the crew being stuck would really resonate with Abed, both because of the bullying he's faced and also because he's stuck trying to figure out how to fix himself, how to make people like him; the characters in this episode are stuck being punished for things they don't understand, are treated as inhuman, and were forced to exist just to be tormented and they most of all just want out. when they finally do get out, it parallels Abed finding happiness at Greendale and away from his father and his bullies. Abed wouldn't stop thinking about "I wanted to say all that... but you threw my son out of an airlock, so fuck you to death" for WEEKS (just like me. rip Walton)

Troy is striking vipers - IM SO FUNNY this is the funniest episode in the entire show and if you haven't seen it i can't spoil it because watching it for the first time is a SURREAL experience. my brother described this episode as "what if gay?" and i think that's what 90% of Troy fans also think about 90% of the time so it couldn't be anything other than striking vipers im NOT SORRY. if you want a serious answer to this I guess he could also be playtest because the guy in the episode has the same vibes as Troy but very muted. watch striking vipers it's so funny it will leave you so confused

Annie is San Junipero - lesbians. I wish there was more of an explanation for why Annie would be San Junipero but I'm afraid it is just the lesbians. also, the main girl being unwilling to accept her identity is just SO Annie. I feel like she has this fantasy in her mind that one day she'll get to run off with the girl man of her dreams and life forever in a heaven-like dream state -- she would absolutely go into San Junipero if she could, and she would never admit that, but she would.

Britta is The National Anthem - I also don't have much of an explanation for this one. guy fucks a pig on live television and you're telling me Britta Perry's not all over that? i think she would miss the point until the last few minutes when we get the shots of the crowds watching in horror and the empty streets (which by the way, fucking tore me apart) it kind of reflects her politics being super performative, she wants to do something good and meaningful that makes a difference and a statement, but she would never go through with it. she would think she wants to watch a politician fuck a pig because it's 'what he deserves' and is 'an up-yours to the system', but then she's watching it for hours and suddenly it's not funny anymore.

Shirley is nosedive - this one is just pulling from the show. the meow meow beenz episode is the same as nosedive beat by beat. it speaks to her holier-than-thou attitude, literally just watch the meow meow beenz episode it's the same

Jeff is White Christmas - i could go on for so long. first of all, John Hamm just has winger-if-he-was-a-better-person vibes, and this character accentuates that perfectly. I don't even know how to describe it, if you've seen it, you get it. I also think that the ending could be one of Jeff's biggest fears: ostracization. he's constantly trying to both fit in and make himself a distinct individual, but being so distinct that everyone sees him as a red mass and stays away from him would be terrifying, that man could not handle that kind of embarrassment

[mspaintbrush]

Baptiste thoughts

always wears his bonnet while sleeping (protect da hair)

Weighted blanket. He just needs something holding him (down)

Not used to a good bed, seems like the guy to sleep on an old thin mattress on the floor in an empty apartment. (No luxury when you are on the run)

Can sleep anywhere under any circumstances.

Kinda horrible in the kitchen (im just getting this vibe from him)

He would take a little too much liberty from the recipes

Dont let him cook unsupervised

Great with spices though. Let him do the seasoning. only that.

Eats almost anything, couldnt afford to be picky for a long time.

Likes music. Hangs with Lucio often.

Especially enjoys Lucio playing the guitar/ukulele (nostalgia-melancholy). (Maybe he teaches him?????????)

I imagine Lucio often asks him for his advice and even if Bap doesnt know the musical terms he can give useful feedback.

Tries very hard to only be cheerful, relaxed and easy-going around everybody, feeling as if everything else isnt good enough.

Constant feeling of impostor syndrome as if he cant believe he is actually part of Overwatch and given this second chance.

So he constantly needs to always be giving his best and only showing his best parts because if its anything below that then he wouldnt be worthy to stay anymore.

Eventually, he WILL crack though.

I imagine maybe after a failed mission where he just made too many "wrong decisions" and he still pretends to be alright on the way back, but some notice he is more quiet than usual. And he disappears to his room earlier.

And I'm sure Lucio would pick up on it or maybe Brig because they are closest with him and have high emotional intelligence. So I just imagine Lucio knocking on Baps door, asking if he can come hang and as he peeks into the room its just Baptiste sitting there in the dark on the floor having a breakdown.

He and Zarya are gym buddies

He isnt as much as an expert as her, but he picked up a thing or two from training with Mauga (who canonically is into lifting and stuff and a fan of Zarya)

She shows him some tricks and gives him advice and in return he spots her

They dont talk much. Bap picks up on Zarya preferring silence very quickly. The gym ends up as a place for him where he can turn off emotions and just focus on his body. (Only if they are alone though)

His love language is quality time

Thats it thats the thought

Chronically flirty

He cant even control it anymore it just comes naturally and sometimes he doesnt notice until the adressed reacts weird

At the same time caught off-guard when people start flirting back (right now I only see Lifeweaver, Mauga, maybe Genji and Cass doing that (and only two of those are in overwatch))

Subconsciously still on the run. If he is really sleep deprived he gets a little paranoid.

Imagine one time afted a sleepless night Baptiste sleeps in and Rheinhardt goes to wake him up. But as Baptiste is woken up by Rhein leaning over and shaking him (patented rhein wake-up tactic) he just sees a giant muscular man and in this semi-conscious state his mind connects to the first and most logical thing: Mauga. So he shoots awake shouting and maybe kicking and crawling away hastily before coming to his senses. Nearby agents look into the room worried about the noise and they just see Bap apologizing profusely to a confused Rhein who wonders if his face is really that scary

[bluiex]

WHEW BOY this is a long one hello!! a new anon (me!!) has entered the battle with the need of some motivation for a scarian wip that has been in my docs for ((smirk smirk)) ages. probably . the next logical step was to finish and share my brainrot <3 but I’m terrible at keeping myself motivated so I wanted to share it with u!!! see what you think so far!! im also always open to ideas or criticism!!

basic rundown but it’s really just…romanticizing the idea of exes…getting better after taking some time apart…then awkwardly encountering each other and relearning how to love each other again…with none of the toxic. nasty stuff and just. fluff . also some sillies of course with boatem sharehouse, oblivious pals, and of course. pining scarian (always happy to go more into it if it sounds confusing!!)

=

Surely Scar noticed. He'd be a fool not to recognise his ex. Well. Maybe he was? A fool, that is.

He had done stupider things before - though somehow that was never a dealbreaker for Grian. Oddly enough, he usually found it endearing and definitely had his own faults that Scar greatly admired at the time and…

Hah. Look where that got them.

Grian shook his head to himself — no! No feeling sorry for yourself! It’s just - it’s easy for the mind to wander when the something you’ve been avoiding is suddenly at the bottom of the staircase and…

Scar’s hair had grown longer.

Grian bit his own tongue and his cheeks flushed. He was such an idiot sometimes. His face was feeling warm from…embarrassment. That was it. (He justified to nobody but himself)

It was something they used to do. Cut hair, that is. It was an intimate moment— things were said that could have never been taken back. Trust was exchanged. The backyard, the cicadas, and Scar’s hair, slowly getting shorter as Grian continued to ship at it. Scar insisted they take one of the stools outside so they could bask in the sunlight, and they had laughed when the stool ended up wobbly against the cobblestone and grass. Scar fell on his face a resounding two times.

Though the sun was actually nice. It surely didn’t give him a reason to go shirtless but - Grian inhales a chuckle - stopping himself before it comes out. In the past, he reminded himself.

“Be careful,”

Scar had told him, a laugh bubbled up in his throat. He looked absolutely enamoured with Grian.

“I’m always careful.”

Honestly.

He remembers the feeling of his hands running through Scar's fringe, short and usually styled though came out a little curled after a thorough rinse. Scar squirmed under Grian’s touch, so much so he ended up accidentally giving him a cut with the scissors.

(Scar still had the adorably stupid cat bandaid on the last time he saw the back of his neck, peeling at its ends. Surely, the cut would have healed completely by now.)

Then that irritating smell of conditioner and shampoo stuck in Grian's nostrils for the rest of the day. They weren’t living together; hadn’t quite considered it but bantered and daydreamed about the idea of it, so there was that after-shower smell. It was new to Grian - honey scented. With a dash of citrus.

He doesn’t…constantly think about it, but if honey did give Grian headaches and butterflies, then well…that’s a secret he’d bring to his grave.

Running a hand through his own hair, he couldn’t help but imagine Scar's. His hair back then was shorter than Grian's now, and his own bangs didn't feel quite right — it wasn't the same texture as Scar's. He continues to take another bite of the nutrition bar before feeling the weight of an empty wrapper crumpled up in his hand. Grian stared at it for maybe just a moment - his will to continue moping dying out.

finally picked up some courage to share this….hm don’t know why I was so intimidated

I have to say first, i absolitely ADORE your writing. oh my goodness- it's so amazing! and this idea? I LOVE IT. I'm a real sucker for the whole exes find each other again and fall in love all over again, but this time it's better. cuz theyre not toxic/immature anymore.. so good so good.. I would kiss you on the mouth /p if you finished writing this. The way you write the emotions, and describe the scene? OUGH beautiful, i can feel and see it in my mind