#and in a way that Bison didn't seem to; it's so clear now that Fadel was utterly blind to all the suspicious things Lily said and did

[secriden]

Something about how Fadel’s first instinct after he finds out the full extent of Lily’s betrayal is anger at Keen and then later guilt and anger at himself.

Something about how Fadel never even considered the possibility of her being his true enemy when his ex disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Something about how Fadel — fastidious, paranoid, cautious Fadel — refused to noticed any of the red flags until the accusation was put into words and something in his brain slotted into place because suddenly all the things he has been ignoring for years made sense.

Something about how thoroughly effective Lily’s brainwashing was because Fadel desperately wants to have a mother, wants to be treasured and protected and loved with gentle and soft hands.

Something about how Style gives that to him without thought or prompting, all instinct to reach out with a delicately soft touch, because his love for Fadel enables him see true, to see the broken heart Fadel tries so hard to hide behind a harsh exterior, before Fadel has even uttered a word, and in so doing, loves Fadel with all the careful tenderness that he so richly deserves.

(Something about how Fadel trusts Style so fully that he does not show the slightest bit of hesitancy or caution when Style touches him so intimately.)

Something about how Fadel was searching in all the wrong places for someone to simply hold him, and found it instead when he wasn't even looking, in the arms of the most unlikely and wonderfully perfect person.

[reijamira]

The Heart Killers episode 5: my first, wild reaction

SHIT! FUCK! DAMN!

My brain is all mushy, my heart touched. I want to smile, I want to cry.

I can't do this anymore! My pulse is out of control, my hands are ducking sweaty! I don't want ANYTHING bad to happen to ANY of them!! Please! Just no and NO and NOOO! FadelBison seem so tired and fed up with that hitmen life. They don't like it. They are being manipulated and forced. They crave a normal life. 😭 It's so clearly palpable this episode. Let's stop here, and they can live happily ever after. Yes? PLEASE!

No new scars for Fadel! I mean it! (Looking at the sling from the trailer! Go away!) Let's Bison be happy with someone else for the first time in his life!

Have you all seen how SWEET our precious Style was? I liked him before. NOW I'm madly in love with him! What a kind soul! How beautiful he is, inside and out! Gosh, he has already fallen in love with Fadel! Halfway!! And not just him. KANT admitted he is developing feelings, too. Dammit!

I loved that we got a bit of a background story for Style's character, finally. What a big heart he has. Helping his dad out (who was there for Style when his mother died and his dad fell apart???). I bet it's Style's BIG heart and his love for Fadel that makes him spill the beans in the next episode?

I melted at the "You chose me" scene. 😭😍🫠💛 (Fadel, honey, I loved you from the start. In each episode, I love you even more!)

I loved Fadel asking Style what Style likes about him! Style's answers were so funny and sweet. He likes the adrenaline of a good chase. And Fadel reminding him that it's no car race, and I'm watching this and thinking, "No, it's no car race, but it's a race against time, and a car is indeed involved". 😭😭 HELP!

Then their sweet, corny smexy times at Style's garage! I loved it! It was funny! It was hot! Yes, Fadel, pay him with your body! 💣🌶🫦

Speaking of body: Style making Fadel dance with him at the bowling alley by referring to Fadel's little dance at the host club was top-notch! He is such a quick thinker and sweet talker!

And while we are at the bowling alley: I adored every scene of their double date until it went heartbreaking. Especially the way Style convinced Fadel to wear the partner shirt. (He got the ship name right! Yeah! Put Fadel's name first because he would like it! 😭👌🫠 And KantBison also hit the mark!) I SO love Style's "You can take it off at my place!". (Kant's reaction: 🤭😁) Fadel hiding behind his beer when Style said he touched Fadel's body so many times, he knows its size, got me laughing so hard! 😂🤣

It's so clear that Style has Fadel wrapped around his finger! Our big hitman softie! The way Style can make Fadel fold! It was so beautifully shown in the scene at Style's garage when they wanted Fadel's help. Kant, ever wary of Fadel's grumpy, cool demeanor, noticed, too, how easily Style could influence Fadel! Loved Kant referring to Fadel as "big brother". That barely visible shift in Fadel's expression that followed immediately! Glorious!

I love how vulnerable Fadel was! He didn't tell Style about his past lover. And he also lied BLATANTLY about not liking Style. (Fadel, darling, we all can see those looks when you think no one is looking!) And that talk about laying oneself completely bare. OMG! My heart went out to him. He DID tell Style about his murdered parents, though! (LOL at Style's quick "I'm sorry! Let's change the subject!")

Can I take a moment to appreciate Style playing with Fadel's nipples TWICE this episode? That was hot! 💣🌶🫦 The mutual ass grabbing, too! 🫠🤤

So, no recording device in the pin. (I could have sworn...) No devices in Kant's apartment either. (DAMN, I was so sure. LOL!) BUT the camera in FadelBison's basement DID record the betrayal. Shit! I really don't want this! Both Fadel and Bison are opening their hearts. They are slowly letting others in, which is no easy feat for them. And in the end, it's a betrayal. I really hope both Kant and Style can assure Bison and Fadel that they do love them. I want them working together against their enemies. I don't remember the exact wording, but Fadel said something about people not wanting to risk their lives when they are with him. Maybe Style and Kant will do this? (Dear me, it looks like Bison is taking a bullet for Babe next episode! Look how invested our Bison is in Kant and his brother! He is so protective already!) Also, I really love that Bison is the mad dog here! I loved how feral he was there for a minute.

And yeah, Fadel's fingers on Style's chin made me swoon. Please, don't hurt this man, Style!

I need to rewatch episode 5 every day until next Wednesday! I need to write and read all the meta!

It was so amazing! But the foreshadowing is killing me dead multiple times! 😭😩

Before I finish this, one final thought or two: What is up with mother Lilly and her aversion against dating and being left alone? Abandonment issues? Trouble recruiting new hitmen?

What is with Keen? Is he a friend or foe? Surely, Mother has her eyes already set on him and his office boyfriend.

And now same torture as always:

I can't wait until next Wednesday! 😭😭😭😩

[secriden]

There's something so wondrously momentous about Style only saying his "I love you" now, when he realises that all the secrets he was keeping from Fadel are already laid bare.

He says this a significant time after Fadel has said his (and, in the context of the wider narrative, after Kant and Bison) and for the character we have seen as prone to glibness, exaggeration and flippancy with his words, that feels incredibly intentional.

Because this confession was the only truth Style had left to give.

Fadel is finally done playing his (poorly thought out) game, done with his (already cracking at the seams) charade, done with giving Style more opportunities to pull at his heartstrings with his earnestness lies.

Fadel is demanding the truth, and tells Style exactly what truth he wants to hear.

And the thing is, there is truth in this: Style's motivations at the start were wrapped up in a deception specifically targeting Fadel.

I know we, as a fandom, harp on about Style "doing all that for a car", but something I would like us all to revisit is what Kant actually says to Style when he first asks Style to "hit on" Fadel:

Kant: You need to help me. You know I don't usually feel this way about someone. And then shortly later, after Style refuses: Kant: Hey, hold on. (Kant grabs Style's hand.) What do I have to do to for you to help me out? Should I pay you?

(Please forgive my inability to gif and watch Style's reaction to this.) Style is visibly surprised and intrigued. Kant seems to be serious about this request, and I think Style decides to test just how important it is to Kant by asking for the one thing he knows Kant will not give up.

Just look the expressions on Style's face. We didn't have the context of knowing Style back then as well as we do now, but this is the look Style gets when he's throwing out a challenge (to Fadel), when he's trying to ferret out some new insight (from Fadel), when he wants to see how someone (Fadel) will react to whatever outlandish (provocative) thing he's said or done.

And when Kant agrees, Style even checks again if Kant is serious about going through with it -- and it's this that convinces Style of the sincerity of Kant's request.

Yes, the car was a factor, and yes Style also wanted revenge and to humble Fadel, but at the centre of Style's motivation has always been a plea for help from a friend.

In episode 1: Kant: Under one condition. You have to make him head over heels in love with you. Style: I'll do it. Not just for the car, but someone like him needs to be humbled by someone like me.

But in agreeing to help Kant, Style really was damning Fadel to play the fool because Fadel's feelings (his heart) was a commodity that Style was fully willing to play with back then.

And there are aspects of truth here too. When Kant tells Style about Fadel (and Bison) being hitmen, Style decides he's done and wants out. Kant reasons that it's more dangerous for Style to break up with Fadel now, because it would look suspicious, but crucially this isn't enough to convince Style.

So Kant, once again, makes the plea to friendship and to his need for Style specifically, and it is this that causes Style to finally cave.

But in doing so, the things that Style agrees to are:

Kant: Work with me. Help me get more information about them. Once we get that, it's done. Captain puts them in jail, and we walk free.

So while Style may not be directly working with the police, he is working with Kant who he knows is working with the police. By proxy, Style is involved with the police, but in front of the empty pool, he makes it clear to Fadel just what that involvement actually entailed:

Style: Kant asked me to take you out so you could leave him alone and he could freely investigate. Fadel: What did he get out of it? Style: I don't know! That ain't my business! All I was asked of is to take you out.

And this, too, actually is true! Since finding out, Style has literally not discovered a single thing that could be remotely useful to the police investigation:

He's found out that Fadel likes to gym at night. He's found out that Fadel uses tenderloin in his burgers. That he runs in the morning before going to the market. That he attends a grief support group.

But these were all things Kant also already knew and could have given the police if it were in any way useful for the investigation.

Even his attempts to get Fadel to confess to his "other job" (something the police also already know) were clearly in service of wanting to save Fadel and/or convince him to give up the life of crime in the hopes that Fadel wouldn't have to be sent away from Style to prison.

But the truths are tangled up in misunderstandings and Fadel's own assumptions now; and also further tainted again by Bison's own hurt over Kant's betrayal. And Fadel literally cannot see -- because his eyes are filled with tears [see: @thisautistic's gifset + my tags] (good grief, Joong, the actor you are) -- the honesty Style is bleeding from the marrow of his bones.

Because the truth is that along the way Style has also found out that Fadel is a good older brother. That Fadel is still hurting and bleeding inside because his parents were murdered. That Fadel wears his favourite bands' make up in secret because he cannot bear the thought of other's judgement. He's found out that Fadel misses Style, wants Style, and hates himself for it. That Fadel is afraid to love. That Fadel is acutely aware of his own darkness and cannot comprehend an existence that would not involve someone (Style) rejecting it. That Fadel does not believe that 100% trust is possible, but that he will get himself drunk so that he can offer Style as much vulnerability as he can physically make himself give.

Because the things that Style did find out were all the ways Fadel's heart is soft and tender and precious and worthy worthy worthy of all the love Style has to give.

And Style will stand firm on this truth because this is the only thing he has left to give Fadel.

Because Fadel knows, now, all the ways Style was unworthy of his trust, but crucially has not figured out the most important truth:

Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. -- Quoted from my meta post on the "One day, I'll be your 100%" line.

And as I alluded to in the tags on @yinwaring's insightful post: Style fully embodies the belief he espouses; because even in the face of a gun to his head and Fadel threatening to kill him if he will not admit that this, too, is a lie, Style refuses to give Fadel anymore dishonesty.

And this is because Style knows that the truth matters; now more than ever.

Because Style has had days to grapple with his worry after Fadel's disappearance. Style has had a week's worth of checking the diner only to face the regret he feels about not handling things differently. Style has had to recognise the terror of thinking he had lost something he never even knew he wanted in the first place.

And while Fadel had his realisation back in episode 4, Style never had to face this until Fadel vanished from his life and left a gaping hole in the shape of the absence of Fadel's smile.

So if this is what it takes, if this is the penance that Fadel demands of him, then it is a price Style is most happy to pay.

Because Fadel does not realise is that Style, too, now knows what it means to lose a love worth fighting for.

And in the war Fadel now feels compelled to wage against Style (because, yes, that's definitely still going on), the one damning thing Fadel has failed to recognised is that his only true weapon was leaving Style behind.

Which is why Style has already won. Not because Fadel's walls have crumpled again or because they don't still have a ton of things to talk through and work out (they really, really do), but because Style has already been stripped bare (and I mean this literally, like we all recognise THAT was the reason why Dunk is only in boxer shorts in that scene, right?? Like, I know we were joking about it, but seriously, that was so very intentional and a visual representation of Style being both stripped and, most importantly, freed from the lies he felt compelled to tell Fadel) and this means he has nothing holding him back.

And Fadel can wield his gun and his words and his anger and his hurt, but Style will die on the hill of the truth that he knew and understood and chose to love Fadel anyway, and saved this last confession for when he knew he could tell Fadel the truth without any lingering deception; and when the time is right, when Fadel is finally ready, Style will be there to welcome him back with open arms and, without any hesitation, an open heart.