#and im writing some potential new poems to add in

[lohstandfound]

My Favourite Line From Each Poem in My Gay Poetry Manuscript

this was harder than i thought, some are better than others, some are more poetic sounding than others, anyway there's like around 50 poems so this is a bit long

no longer hiding / no longer creeping around behind closed doors / no longer suppressing who i am / i love who i love / and that is enough

that one false confession proved to be a bad idea

The word Falls From their lips, Like an autumn leaf.

The final goodbye is covered in thorns.

The sourness of the final word Still lingers on your tongue As you pretend The same sullen taste Is lingering for them, too

twin arrows pierce our hearts / golden and radiant / joining us together / a moment of devotion to you

Digging their roots into my lungs.

i put on a smile / wave goodbye / shove the words deep into my chest / another day another time

Stars on her skin, Stars in her eyes, Stars everywhere

The type of love that means everything will be okay.

Surrounded by red and amber tulips.

You carry the stars with you everywhere.

Crumpled bloody flowers Adorn the photograph In pathetic beauty

i had my moon, he had his stars and we’d talk about our unrequited crushes

I am capable of love, And I don’t need to prove it.

It was doomed from the start.

slow dance in the kitchen to the light of the refrigerator at 3 am

I want you to be mine.

Bruised lips crash together, Held in a rhythmic percussion.

You know who you are supposed to be.

we create a new sense of self / that sense of i / that sense of a whole person / that identity we have to develop with reference to ourselves

Red-stained petals Scatter around me in a  Bouquet that I will never send.

another search for a missing puzzle piece

Sprinkles of kisses cover her shoulders as I praise her like the goddess she is

She called me one of her baby gays at a party, And I wasn’t complaining.

And I wait for the beat And the realisation And the smile on her face.

Delve into the unexplored maze

Your hands cup my cheeks as you press your sugary lips to mine

she could not remember Anything but longing [this line is from my found poetry attempt using lines from sappho's fragments]

there are girls who walk in moonlight with starlight in their eyes and secrets to be kept

So, she picks a boy to satisfy the room.

In a phantom crown of yellow.

and when you’re belting songs at the top of your lungs / feeling the world move beneath your feet / feeling the fireworks exploding deep in your chest / clinging to your friends in the chilly december air

Or religiously watched the Call Me Maybe & California Girls music videos.

Dreaming of getting wasted on the blood of Christ.

The little girl who adored you and all the angels and saints Would be so disappointed in me for just walking away from you.

I’ll let my hands trace every inch of your skin, every dip and curve, while I leave trails of kisses along your neck

To be someone aligned between other lines

It’s like I’m sitting in the closet, The door is wide open But I’m not yet allowed to leave.

Eighteen-year-old me cries when she realises we have friends.

gentle and soft with a girl i love…

The way a smile curves at her lips, And the fondness in her voice, As she spoke about gifts she would want: “Flowers.”

I love her in a way even I can't put into words

[melforbes]

seaglass blue annotations

hello! i just posted the last chapter and thought i’d put together some ~fun context~ for that fic. it got way way more attention than i ever expected and for something i feel i didn’t put that much effort into i think i did in the end put a lot of effort into it so i might as well talk about it and answer some potential questions.

my favorite book of all time is the sunlit night by rebecca dinerstein (yes, that one) and something i find really compelling about that book is how sparing the prose is, forcing the reader to fill in certain gaps, and i think having to fill in those gaps makes the book a really acquired taste with which either you love it or hate it and there’s not really an in-between

i also really adore how in that book the natural world backdrop comes to life, something i find really challenging to write. recently i even read into thin air, the book about the 1996 mount everest disaster, and even though the writing was superb, i still had to google what the hillary step was because i couldn’t picture it on my own. i don’t know how people write nature because to me it feels damn near impossible, but this sparing approach really worked, so i thought i might try it out. i tend to be longwinded (gestures vaguely at this post) and wanted to have certain parts of this be a lot smaller and more contained without negating impact. whether or not i made it work is anyone’s guess. definitely not my normal style, so to speak

based on the comments i’ve received i think this might be everyone’s favorite part. in my mind age of consent by new order was playing in the background. in pretty much every fic i have a scene like this one and all of them are based on the poem first base gold by rh*annon mcg*vin from her book branches (censored because she has a tumblr and i don’t want her seeing this haha)

i absolutely can’t do the poem justice by describing what it’s about, but the simplest, most basic interpretation of the poem is that there is no better place to kiss than right here, right now, because of the past. i really like that imagery and tend to use it a lot. she as a writer has been a big inspiration for me and if you’ve read my fic true minds i should add that the nonfiction inspiration for that was directly as a result of one of her youtube videos. i particularly love how the last paragraph (stanza? im not a poet) is one big run-on sentence that’s jovial and tongue-in-cheek and colloquial and straightforward. it feels triumphant in a quiet way to me and i love how it’s done. obviously my attempts at something similar are nowhere near as insightful, but still, the most basic image of this is that there is no better place to kiss, and that’s how i felt about the two of them finding pudding in the supermarket

this part is autobiographical; while writing this last year, i went through six months of intravenous drug treatment, a month and a half of which involved long days of doctor visits on every weekday. when you’re on stuff like that for a long time you end up with a central line for better access (potential plot hole in all of this: scully never had one) but for a month and a half i got poked almost every day and strangely enough it got harder over time. the first couple you never feel, but a week or two later you start flinching, and if the needle goes in the same vein each time, it hurts the more it gets prodded. i reached a point toward the end of the in-office visits in which i would bleed a lot every time i got poked, and i can’t watch anything like that happen to me so i was looking away each time, and when i felt that the nurse was done, i would look back over, and sometimes i would be looking down at a pool of blood that i hadn’t expected to see. it’s weird, you don’t actually feel yourself bleeding, i would’ve expected a hot bloody feeling but instead it felt like nothing. and when i say a pool i mean that it would drip down beneath my elbow, stain the sheet they’d put underneath, and i wouldn’t get all of it off until i showered. i didn’t necessarily find it scary, but it was surreal and kind of pulled me out of normalizing the experience i was having. for a very long time needing iv drugs was my greatest fear and i was surrounded by that then and fine, and then, there was blood all over my arm, and like, haha, this is actually not fine. you’d think something else would’ve been scarier, but it wasn’t. and now looking back at this paragraph i wish i’d edited it differently but hey that’s life

i’d never really understood the purpose of religion as a self-driven part of life until i took anatomy in college. i was raised catholic and though culturally i understand having a religion and being raised with one, i’ve never really reached for religion when i wanted answers, and i haven’t personally understood why that’s someone’s first option. and i know there’s been plenty of commentary on the hypocrisy of dana scully as a catholic who believes in science, yada yada yada, i think everyone has read all of that by now. but what struck me while learning anatomy is that there is a kind of neuron we don’t know the function of. there are four kinds of neurons, and one of them is still a mystery to us. and then, there’s all of these different parts of human bodies that exist in a certain perfect way, but why do they exist like that? to support life, yes, but why is it that we can make comparisons? why were irises not the same color? and we name valves of the heart after religious figures. we are so hell-bent on meaning that something literal will never be enough. and all of that made me think that dana scully has god to fill in what science won’t answer, at least not yet. and there’s definitely a bigger conversation about science as denial of indigenous cultures that i am nowhere near qualified to start. after taking those classes, i think i would be more shocked if she wasn’t religious. you can ignore pretty much all of the paragraph above but it was important to me that at some point in this fic she willingly conceded that she didn’t know what would happen and that she didn’t have answers. with illness, there is no logic, there’s no thinking your way out of it, and i think that would plague her for a long time. to me, she only would accept her death when she could say she had no idea what would happen, she has no answers, there’s nothing filling in her gaps anymore, and she’s comfortable with that. and i put all of that in a paragraph about my thoughts on god because it made sense to me. there are times that just feel like you’re in a movie and there’s no one else you can say caused them. it’s not enough to build belief on but it’s enough to bring a certain kind of wonder. also one time my parents insisted on watching stripes because it was so funny and when watching it none of us found it funny at all and my parents grimaced and were like what were we on that made that good back in the day so that’s in here now haha

and now, the biggest question: does she die at the end? when i came up with the idea for this fic, i knew the beginning and ending but not the middle, and i posted this as a smaller project (ie: chapters below 3,000 words) while illness made my bigger projects harder to work on and essentially flew by the seat of my pants the whole time. i wrote the last line a long long time ago and have always seen the ending as written as the concrete ending. when i started writing this, i never intended for there to be a definitive answer to whether or not she dies. i like premature endings (the ending of girls burn brighter comes to mind) and i think that this works better without saying whether or not she lives. and i also have a hard time with giving a definitive answer because this fic very much is about death and having her die would, of course, be traumatic, but showing her living instead i think ruins any takeaways people could have. i’ve never had cancer but as a chronically ill person i think i can speak to how you never actually win with illness; the best you can do is tie, and sometimes, no matter how much effort you put in, you “lose” anyway, you lose spectacularly, and all of your effort was for nothing. i wholeheartedly believe that humans can’t emotionally or logically process natural disasters or illness, hence why much of the talk about illness in this is from mulder’s perspective as he experiences her terminal illness secondhand; that way, he doesn’t need to (but still likely will) find logic or reason or meaning for death from a terminal illness, so his discoveries and his coping mechanisms aren’t as urgently needed. had i written a chapter that describes how she lives, i think that the discussion of death in this would be voided altogether. and i also don’t believe the ending would be much different whether she lives or dies; there’s still the need for death acceptance and talking about dying, whether or not she lives, and none of the story in this fic would have happened had the characters known she would live. the whole point is not knowing.

for a little while i toyed with writing an unofficial sequel of sorts in which i spelled out what i think happens after the ending, but after realizing that that would end up being longer than the original fic and would also have some massive plot holes, i decided against it. i do have my own version and i don’t want to share that version because i never really intended for my version to be some kind of genuine sequel in which every question gets answered and everything is wrapped up and happy ever after and whatnot. it was just where my brain wandered in the same way it wanders when i watch an open-ended movie. all of that to say, if you think she lives, then she lives. if you think she dies, then she dies. it’s your decision. i’d much rather you choose than me. i never marked this as “major character” death on ao3 because, well, she doesn’t die in this fic. whether or not she dies after the fic ends, that’s for you to decide. 

thank you for taking the time to read my writing. i never expected this to blow up (it blew up for me at least, for a while it was my most popular fic ever, with i think thousands more hits than anything else i’d written) and the response has been mind-boggling and wonderful. i don’t respond to comments often because it makes me feel like a pompous jerk (”thank you for enjoying this! i, too, enjoy this thing i have written! oh ho ho!” is how it sounds to me in my head, whereas when other writers respond to comments to me it just looks like thanks man have a good day, feel free to call me a weenie) but i’ve appreciated all of them very much. THANK YOU! i hope your new year is a Whole Lot Less Shit than 2020. i don’t plan on writing more msr because i don’t really have any ideas for them. thank you for making my last time special <3

[lovemesomesurveys]

“I’m a dick, I’m addicted to you”

Do you add extra letters to words sometimes? (ex. haaaa) Yeahhh.

Do you like the letter Z or Q better? I don’t favor one over the other. Who would you like to be stuck on an island with? I’d like to not be stuck on an island at all. What's your favorite quote? I have a lot of favorite quotes. I just love relatable stuff that puts into words how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking better than I can. I struggle with expressing myself and putting it into words, so. Name one random fact about your best friend. She loves the ID channel.

Do you like vegetables or fruit better? Gonna be honest, I don’t eat much of either one. Especially, fruit... it’s been a few years since I’ve had any. :X I have spinach, potatoes, and green onions pretty often, but that’s all the veggies I’ve had in a few years as well. In comparison to my zero fruit intake it’s something at least, ha. There are fruits I like and a few more veggies as well, but I just haven’t had them in awhile. What brand of shoes do you wear? Adidas. What's your favorite smiley face? On the computer I use :) Do you believe that if someone goes to bed thinking of u, u dream of them? I’ve heard that before and it can be a cute thought, but nah. Have you ever snitched on someone for cheating? No. Do you own a Snuggie? I do. What's your favorite number? 8. Which of the 7 dwarves are you most like from Snow White? Sleepy. What's the last movie you watched? Dumb and Dumber yesterday. What's your favorite month? October and December.

“I’m alright”

Do you like the smell of campfires? Yesss. If you could do one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? I don’t know. Do you like eggnog? Yes. Is there a song out right now that you can't stand? I haven’t heard any new music recently. I haven’t been listening to music lately. If you could stay one age forever, what age would you pick? I’d be fine if I just stayed 31 here on out. What's your favorite state? I like my state the best out of the few states I’ve been to (the others being Arizona, Idaho, and Georgia). There’s a few I’d like to visit that could potentially take the top spot for me, though. Have you ever went in public with your tag still on your clothes? I don’t think so.

Would you say your loud or shy? I’m quiet and shy. What's your favorite symbol on the computer? I don’t have one. Are you afraid of clowns? Pennywise is awesome. Do you wear glasses? I do. Ever rode on a horse? Just on one at the pumpkin patch as a kid. Poor horse, guided around in a circle all day.  Do you have trouble saying or spelling some words? I think I spell pretty well. I stumble over my words when I talk sometimes, but I think my pronunciation is pretty good. Have you ever thought something was just to good to be true? Many times. And when I think that, it’s usually true. Do you like potatoes? I love potatoes.

“I’m in trouble, I’m an addict, I’m addicted to this girl”

Are you random? My thoughts and dreams are really random, but I wouldn’t describe myself that way. I’d say I’m predictable and boring. Do you believe that aliens are real? I don’t know. Certainly not the weird looking green creatures that are usually depicted for some reason. Do you sleep with the TV on? I do. I’ve done that ever since I was a kid. What's the longest you've slept in? Like 5PM or so. Have you ever seen a hairy toe? Yes. What's the last thing you watched on TV? Roseanne this morning. Do you have a song stuck in your head? Not at the moment. Who do you talk to the most? My mom and brother. What's the first thing you get on when the internet comes up? When the internet comes up oh man, was this made in the late 90s, early 2000s? lol. The first thing I do when I get on my laptop is continue scrolling through my Tumblr feed or do a survey. When's the last time you were sick? I’ve been sick with something for the past week. And no, it’s not the rona.

Which is your favorite: Music, Dogs, Shoes, Books, Jonas Brother? I love a variety of music, I love doggos in general, but I’m biased towards Labs and German Shepherds, Adidas are my favorite shoes, and back in my die hard Jonas Brothers days I was a total Joe girl. What color is your hair brush? Rose gold. Do you enjoy arcades? I did when I was a kid. We used to have one at my mall back when I was a kid that was a fun place to go. And Chuck E Cheese, ha. Have you ever liked 2 people at once? Yes. Have you taken a nap today? Not so far.

“show me the meaning of being lonely”

Would you ever want to be in a horror movie? I think it’d certainly come off as believable because I’m such a scardy cat and super jumpy. Being chased would genuinely scare me even it was acting. Even knowing what was going to happen I know I’d still be jumpy. Only thing is I don’t have the scream down that you gotta have for a horror movie.  Have you ever been to Washington D.C? Nope. Do you hate when girls have guyish names and boys have girly names? I really don’t care.  Have you lost or gained any weight since February? I know I haven’t gained any weight. I’ve probably lost some weight, which is really not good for someone who’s already underweight.  Have you ever felt like no one wanted to be around you? Yes. I don’t even want to be around me. I often feel like I’m such a burden and annoyance. It’s my own thinking and feeling, though. My family doesn’t do or say anything to make me feel that way. I have had other people make me feel that way, though.   Have you ever had to use a pay phone? Yes. Have you listened to music today? Nope. It’s been awhile since I’ve listened to music, actually. Do you only drink bottled water? Yes. Don’t judge me. I bet someone is on your mind right now, right? No, actually. Do you like writing in pen or pencil better? Pen, definitely. What's the last magazine you bought? I don’t even remember it’s been so long. Has anyone in your family ever forgot your birthday? My parents, brother, and close family members always remember. Was it any of your friends birthday in the past week? My older brother’s birthday was a couple days ago. Is anyone else in the same room as you? Nope. Are you one of the popular people in your grade? I’m done with school, but no I was never popular.

“you never call me when you’re sober”

What word best describes you in the dictonary? ”Depressed”, “Awkward”, “Lame”, “Loser”, “Ugly”... Do you like Soy Milk? Yeah, I’m lactose intolerant. I use that or almond milk. I don’t drink any kind of milk by itself, but I use those in stuff like coffee drinks and cereal. And for dunking my cookies and brownies in. Where were you at 10:30am yesterday? Right here in bed where I spent all weekend. I was having a really rough weekend. I felt really shitty and had zero energy. I couldn’t even drag myself outta bed for coffee, so that’s how you know I was feeling really bad. Thankfully, my mom and brother brought me a Starbucks. Do you think ghosts are real? I believe in spirits, but not actual Caspers. Do you know anyone who has been attacked by a shark? No. What is your best friend's mom name? Lupe. Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? No. What part of your body do you wash first? My arms and work my way down. Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie. How do you think the dinosaurs died? An asteroid. What's your favorite flavor of Pringles? Sour cream and onion, cheddar and sour cream, pizza, and ranch.  What was the last thing you got grounded for? Something when I was like 12. Did you go to a water park last summer? I don’t go to the water park ever. What shoe do you put on first? I think the right. Finish the sentence: Girls.. Just wanna have fun.

“I think we’re alone now”

Have you ever had a song or poem written about you? No. Did you have a nickname growing up? My family called my Noodles, ha. When was the last time you played the air guitar? I don’t know. Have you ever biten your toenail? Ew, no. I’m not flexible enough to even do that, but I would never want to so it’s fine. Have you ever been dared to do something that you regretted? No. I didn’t do dares. Favorite website? Tumblr and YouTube. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Probably the incident that made me a paraplegic at 7 months old. That’s certainly top of the list. Best thing that has happened to you? My doggos are definitely amongst the top. Best friend? My mom. If you could dye your hair any color, what color would it be? I dye it red and would like to continue to do so. Do you have a wii? It’s my brother’s, but since we live in the same house and I’ve used it, too, I’m gonna say yes.  Most used phrase on IM? I don’t remember, it’s been over a decade since I’ve used IM. Have you ever heard of The Beatles? Of course. Have you ever wanted to give money to a charity? Yes, and I have given to charities.

“Who says you’re not beautiful?”

Would you ever want to have 14 kids? Uh, noooo. I don’t even want one.  Are you wearing any bracelets right now? Nope. Do you have any jewelry that once belonged to an old family member? No. Do you dream every night? I usually do. Give me on of your goals Just taking it day by day. Do you like skinny jeans? Yeah, those are the only jeans I have. Do you ever say stuff that you don’t mean? It happens. Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? Yeah, but that was back when I was 16 and felt pressured into saying it back to my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t have those feelings. Ever since then I haven’t thrown those words around lightly. What is your dream guy/girl? A patient, understanding, caring, loving, trustworthy, good sense of humor kind of guy. Do you hate when people overract? I can definitely be one of those people that overreact. And I know I’m overreacting when it’s happening, but I can’t help myself. I sometimes see people in situations where I’m like, ‘omg, they’re totally overreacting’ and think it could be handled differently, but yet I do the same thing. When was the last time you used the oven? It’s been awhile, actually... I don’t remember. Have you ever wanted to be free like a bird? ”And I’m as free as a bird now... and this bird you cannot change.” Are you a worrier? Oh am I ever. Does your house have an attic? Nope. Are you going fishing this weekend? No. I don’t go fishing.

[shriekbackmusic]

Collaborations #1 (’Shriekback are Seeing Other People’)

Well, collaboration is everything really innit? No man is an island, not even the ones who pretend they are. That’s what I reckon.  Merging somebodys’ talents and energies with yours. What a thing. The very stuff of life.

Still, it can be a fractious business: politics will come into it. LIke: who’s in charge here?  Who gets to say whether your bit is better than my bit? And how do we work that shit out? A microcosm of the world or what?

Undeterred, we  seem to do it (collaborate) quite a lot. And these are some pretty successful tunes, I would say. Good for us. Bold and resolute Shriekback! 

So there’s Hope, right?

(BA)

MART’S TRACKS:

DROP BY DROP Barker/Burridge

Taken from my Album" Water and Stone." Exploring my rolling Gtr and groove in 7 with the wonderfully talented musician cellist Emily Burridge.

Inspired by the miracle of water, its rhythm, its music, its journey, its myths, its poetry and beauty 

FLYING SAUCER Barker/ Roedelius/Noah1

Lovely to have met and worked with the master of Ambience, Hans Joachim Roedelius for the Album Fibre.

Recorded up in the hills of Shropshire with George Taylor (Noah1) and Jez coed

This piece was inspired by my riff Im playing on the Hang Drum, hence the title "Flying Saucer"

GOLDEN MOON Barker/Young

Taken from my mini Album”  Blue” Talitha Rise.

This was my first big endeavour into the musical spiritual world and  collaboration with Jo beth young.

We are joined on the Riti by Juldeh Camara.

PILGRIM`S WAY Barker/Adams

My new project/collaboration still ongoing with the mighty talent of Justin Adams .

This first piece inspired by ancient walks.

This new whole album partly inspired by the writing of Robert Macfarlane "the old ways"

SANDLINES. Barker/ Adams

Second piece inspired the Ancient paths of the desert. 

THE LAKE Barker/Young taken from the album" Abandoned Orchid House” Talitha Rise

Another collaboration with Jo beth Young and another piece in 7!

Intense, energetic and rich with riddles.

THE SELKIE. Barker / Pynn

Second Piece taken from my Album "Water and Stone”

Inspired by the Myths and stories of the Selkie. With the magical multi instrumentalist Nick Pynn on Violin.

CARL’S TRACKS:

Words Fail Me

with AMANDA KRAVIT

(Barratt/Marsh)

David Barratt and I were introduced to Amanda by John Mrvos, one of the A&R team at EastWest Atlantic in New York (Happyhead’s label) - she was his girlfriend and he wanted to get her recorded, basically, so we came up with this. Dave had done some kind of publishing deal that allowed him to sample the company catalogue, hence Ravi Shankar playing sitar all over it. Backing vocals by Bill Clift; some of the drums sound like Jim Kimberley, sampled from HH sessions  (1992ish.)

The Longest Goodbye

with BILL CLIFT

(Clift/Marsh)

I’ve written loads with Bill under various banners, of course. This is a mid-90s demo recorded in Bill’s flat in Greenwich. BVs by Stella Clifford and Marilyn Gentle, bass (I think) by Gary Brady… not sure who did the wibbly organ. This song was later recorded by Bill’s band Fuzzbuddy, re-titled Killing Me Now - it’s just been re-released as part of their Complete Studio Recordings compilation.

THE PALACE DOGS

with GEOFF WOOLEY

I’ve collaborated with Geoff Woolley since Out On Blue Six, and in school bands even before that. These two tracks, from around 1995, are both built from sampled TV shows (and therefore subject to all sorts of potential copyright issues…).

Queen of Peoples’ Hearts

(Marsh/Woolley)

The self-styled QOPH’s Panorama special, cut up and pumped up with added Dario Argento and a spot of Jeremy Paxman. The Original is all-electronic; the Guitar Version has not only mine and Geoff’s rhythm bits but some wildfire lead from Steve Bolton (Atomic Rooster, Paul Young, The Who etc. and currently fronting the mighty Dead Man’s Corner). Take yer pick.

Crazy Dames

(Marsh/Woolley)

The main voice and piano on here are from a 1961 Twilight Zone episode called The Midnight Sun, in which the Earth is knocked out of orbit and is spiralling towards the Sun… it gets hot. Other vocals by Stella Clifford and Marilyn Gentle.

GASWERKS

The Ying Tong Song

(Milligan)

Basically the same format as The Palace Dogs with the addition of Bill Clift, whose idea it was to knock out a dance version of The Goons’, er, classic. Dig that crazy rhythm, indeed. We were told the novelty song market was a hard one to crack… by the singer of Black Lace, who should know, I suppose…

WOOLLEY/MARSH

The Girlfriends Of Dorian Gray

(Barratt/Marsh/Woolley)

David Barratt came up with the conceit of a modern Dorian Gray who preserves his youth (or immaturity) not by having a grotesquely ageing portrait in the attic but by having an ever-changing string of girlfriends who absorb the consequences of his many flaws and are discarded one after another. Dave sketched out the chorus and then proposed that he, I and Deni Bonet (NY-based violinist and writer that we’ve worked with on various projects) should write our own versions of the story, possibly with the idea of creating some kind of meta-version combining them all. That never happened, but I like the track Geoff and I came up with and the lyric is nice and tricksy - shades of Costello, maybe, if I say so myself.

You’re The Only One

(Marsh/Woolley)

A re-write of a Happyhead demo, switching New York electronica for some 90s Britpop vibes, it sounds like. Bit of a kinky ménage à trois scenario with reasonably loud guitars. Nice.

BARRY’S TRACKS

The Frances & Martine poems, with Hilda Sheehan (2014)

part 1: GLOW, GOOSE, CORN-REMOVER

part 2: COAT, ARM, KNOB OF BUTTER

I met Hilda Sheehan - through the (surprisingly vibey) Swindon poetry scene when I was stationed back there for 10 years in '04.  She was often the star turn at their spoken word events and, I thought, had the mark of a real artist in that she came with her own self-contained world (’magical realist Northern UK kitchen sink’, if I had to describe it).

I thought it would be fun to 'set' (as they say) some of her poems to music and so I did. From Hilda's considerable oeuvre, I picked the Frances and Martine series - I liked F&M's mutually abrasive dependence - the key ingredient in any sitcom - and the succinct and sometimes brutal nature of each of their adventures. 

Dame Hilda Sheehan

The Anaxaton6 EP with Mike Tournier (2013)

I first worked with Mike Tournier (Big Mike as opposed to Little Mike - these were Flukes' Contrasting Mikes at the time) as producer on their OTO album c.94. Techno outfit Fluke apparently liked them some Olde Shriekback (they had worked previously with Wendy and Sarah) and thought I might add something to the project. 

It turned out that producing a techno band is every bit as awkward as you might imagine (there’s only one computer screen for a start) and we abandoned the collaboration after I'd failed to insert myself into Fluke's process in any useful way (sandwich run doesn't count).

Anyway, we stayed in touch and collaborated rather more successfully on a Fluke/Shriekback tune and performance for MTV.  

It was the redoubtable Julian Nugent, Fluke's manager, who got in touch - in 2013 to suggest that Mike and I might like to try knocking up a tune together.

I liked the idea of this straightaway. Mike can produce huge, hi-torque productions and I had an idea of a songwriting approach which I though might complement this. The vocalist would be recognisably the bloke out of Shriekback but CG’d with florid new appendages. I fancied some mad-as-a-rat lyrics (Welcome to their secret sign: Boola Stack! Haunted Lego of the Mind! Boola Stack!) but the music would be slick and vivid and solidly crafted because that's always how Mike rolls. Thus you get something quite absurd being taken very seriously which is, to my mind, the best thing you can possibly have.

extract  from the sleeve notes:

BONE MARAUDER tells of a pure love, painful engorgement and hog sorcery. 

JUJUGRID (GO LIVE!) wrangles with hedonic guilt, ecclesiastical turpitude and leaves everything else the fuck alone. 

BOOLA STACK! - There are so many things to say of Boola Stack that to ennumerate them insults us both.

NO FOOL BOLETUS... let's just be clear about this: you got nothing to hide, there's no need to worry. Be lucky.

Michaele don Turino and Bleary Android are the naked mortals chained to the husky obelisk of ANAXATON6 

Anaxaton6 has some videos here:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=anaxaton6

Mike Tournier

[poetic-beats]

Hello. Please Read.

Hi, 

As you will notice my blog has changed up recently. I have neglected it over the past 8-9 months and just recently got back onto posting my musings and works on here. I never stopped writing I just didnt come onto this tumblr to share.

I am amazed at how many followers I have thank you all I am so ever grateful to have such amazing caring followers who will message me and reach out to me.

I am always here for you too anon or private messaging its cool and if you ever wanna talk off tumblr that can happen to i have a discord an insta and twitter. 

I have recently been posting about my teespring and now my patreon i created late last night.

I don’t want to spam you all with SUPPORT ME links and such too much. I really don’t.

I am waiting on getting a new psychiatrist my old one laughed at my GP when he asked me to be referred back to her as she discharged me on the 3rd appointment with her. (my old amazing psychiatrist retired).

Long story short I’ve gotta complain to PALS escalate complaints GP has to meet with me and write a referral form and reasoning as to why I need to go to a whole other psychiatrists place outside of my village catchment area. 

She also sent the most awful horrible final discharge letter knowing that we’d discussed I’d need PIP (DLA) because I am not able to work rn. I am mentally unstable I believe I am in the midst of a big Bipolar depressive relapse and my periods have started again (implant) making my BPD and in general emotions all over the place. I need to get medication besides my anti depressants FOR the bipolar. 

I need therapy. I need PIP. But I would have to present a letter and the letter would be my discharge one. In which she is unprofessional and trashes me to pieces. I’d never get PIP with it no one would.

I am also being referred to a specialist in London for FND testing google FND HOPE for more info on that if you dont know what it is.

I also was diagnosed in march after a trip to the hospital and 3 months bed bound with FGID. I have just got a referral letter in to see a dietician. It may sound mild but it left me in agonising pain dizziness blurry vision and i couldnt even keep liquids down hence i ended up in hospital on fluids)

This is not a pity story nor a sob story. I just wanted to clarify and add background as to why I am attempting a more flexible online business model for myself aka merch on teespring....patreon rewards such as commission pieces and now Ko-fi. 

I can barely stand for longer than 10 mins still and if im out walking I can just about manage 30mins on a good day before i get severe uncontrollable movements usually in my arms. Legit was in Holland and Barrett getting the white vego bars and my hand jerked and the chocolate went flying with force and hit the back of the display shelf. I struggle to even grip things such as knife and fork. I shake badly in my hands like tremors etc. My mind is fuzzy..i was scared i’d lose my ability to write i literally forgot the word for ‘window’ and ‘coaster’ ive also misread words entirely. Like i came out of a shop thinking i’d got my mum salmon and cream cheese it was salmon and cucumber. Like what?? 

I also go catatonic i wasnt aware of this til my mum witnessed it multiple times over easter bank holiday. This could either be my Bipolar or a symptom of the FND i dont really know tbh. Ive been dissociating a lot too. And just today i had an hour or so of on and off full body shock like feeling jerks. Oh and sometimes i cannot even swallow my own saliva. In fact this happens a lot. and often leads to me gagging and puking if i cant get to a bin or toilet to stand and spit it out until my body decides it’ll let me swallow again. 

My balance and spatial awareness is off too last week i hit into the door twice and now have a giant ass bruise all the way up my arm. it was one day after the other. So that probs made it bruise worse. 

Okay this is a long ass post I apologise.

Again I guess ultimately i am explaining this all to you. Because of my anxiety. I always feel like being a writer or creator. Isnt a ‘real’job. or that people will send me hate and nasty comments. Like when around a year ago i was doing comissions some people would message me asking about it. I’d tell them it was a £1 for 5 poems (really undersold my work) and they’d shout at me in caps telling me it should be free or tell me to get a real job. I mean if you’d pay for a poetry book or novel why shouldnt you pay for effecitvely what would have been an ebook of an independent writer?

I just dont want any hate. And i know this post could go either of two ways. Either hate even more for me because it could be seen as a sob story pity guilty trip thing which I REALLY AM NOT trying to do. 

Or it could deter potential nasty messages or comments because people might realise oh okay shes legit unable to work rn at least. and she cant even get benefits because my ex psychiatrist is a twothole who hates me and the mentally ill in general. 

But who knows.

Link for my Ko-fi is in this whole ass text post just click some where and it’ll show ya.