#and im torn between excited and sad

[girlofapril]

i turn 18 in an hour

[frogsafterdark]

they could never keep me from you my beloved (drawing comics)

So I've been dark on this page for a min because I had a big life event happen (I moved away to college so now im living on my own) and over that time period I haven't really had time to draw. I'm all settled in now and I have a whole art studio set up(!!!!!) and I finally feel like creating again. I've suffered from pretty bad art block before I had to move, so finally having a creative space has been a really wonderful change.

SO about this comic in particular, I just really wanted to paint something so I ran with a new idea I had. As much as I love the Zosan ship, I've kind of gotten really tired of drawing them and I needed a change of pace. So LawKid is the new ship I've glomed on to. I'm past fishman island and I'm getting to the parts that have Law and Kid as big players and shipping them just gets me more excited.

Since I can't leave well enough alone, I did start thinking about some a/b/o/mpreg stories for them. But one thing about that is that I honestly don't think Law would want kids or would want to be pregnant. So I ploted out an abortion story (because there aren't enough mpreg abortion stories and I think LawKid could make one very comical) but then I started thinking hmmmmmm but what if I made a cute LawKiD oc. what then?! So since in my mind Law would probably not knowingly stay pregnant, I decided to go the route of a Cryptic Pregnancy story. It has 10x the drama and 10x the angst of a normal pregnancy story. But then that got me thinking "okay so he has the baby now. He probably wouldn't want to hold on to it." I think Law would be torn between wanting to kick the kid to the curb, and getting really sad at the idea of creating another orphan. So I think in his high emotion, high distress, state of suddenly giving birth, he drops the kid on the deck of the Victoria Punk and then fucks off. He would 100% make it Kid's problem.

The story would be about the Kid pirates and the Strawhats trying to find where Law vanished to, all while Kid figures out how to be a father. I also would want there to be flashbacks of Law and Kid's relationship developing, the horror moment where Law goes into labor, and then what the Heart Pirates are dealing with while Law has a downward spiral.

I'd love to draw all of that but at my current speed level it isn't feasible, but maybe one day. I was originally going to draw more pages for this, but I was feeling the one page curse (where I get one full page done but struggle with even starting the others), and since I put to much work into this page, I thought might as well post it.

I can really be dragged down by my ideas sometimes, like I have so many things I wanna make but I feel like there isn't enough time to do them all the exact way I want. I'm trying to be freer with my art and take a slower pace with how I grow as a comic artist. I have so many comics I want to make, so I'm going to just try and make them!!! But that requires me to think a little smaller for now, and just draw what I want in the moment, even if it's not how I envision it in my mind.

And if you've read through all my yapping, I love you.

[velvetwyrme]

oouuouua please make a follow up on the superhero pap x reader theyre one of my favorites also im excited to see tf fic from yuo

im glad you enjoyed it!!! i got a comment on it recently while i was thinking abt how to continue it and that seemed to click my brain into action LMAO

EHEHEHE hopefully! soon!! ive got a few things in mind but im also waffling over Really Starting because i have so many things ongoing but... auauugh the IDEAS plague me!!!!

also heres a sneak peek into my brain because im in the mood to chatter, but feel free to skip it if you so desire:

for Origin Story im LOOSELY planning any continuation/s to be kinda standalone stories all centered around a superhero trope (like the Origin Story ;]) because i think that could be fun to work with. i enjoyed writing some of the larger Undertale cast, something that i WOULD have liked to do in FF, except Edge and the MC in that are both pretty reclusive socially abfjfbdjdghkf,, oh well.

anyway. i have tons of ideas for the various tropes, so its really a matter of picking a place and Writing. i really want to feature more of Alphys in this because i love her dearly <3

as for TF fic... most of them are reader inserts unsurprisingly lmaooo but ive got a few non-reader inserts floating around there too. im kinda just throwin stuff at the walls of my mind to see what sticks, but heres a few of my draft titles for your perusing pleasure:

into the fire: noble-ish au with a human reader who is supposed to be gifted to one of the members of the household. reader makes a failed escape attempt torn bedsheet style and is saved :] inspired loosely by the visual novels i used to read/play back in high school LMAO. skeletiano, i will forever be sad i could not romance you.

between you, me and soundwave: reader writes rpf abt mechs on earth LMAO. i see people mention humans writing fanfic about Cybertronians in passing but i think itd be funny to put that at the forefront. extremely silly and low stakes fic. probably.

drift compatibility: mecha! pilot! au!! exists purely because i read 1 (one) fic about plugsuits and just went "hmnngh... mecha pilots are fun to imagine interacting with Cybertronians... also there's DRIFT compatibility... i can totally do some fucked up shit with that" and now it's spiralled wildly out of control because at some point i started thinking about Governments and Social Structures and got distracted with worldbuilding lol. i have many many many ideas and i can only hope i can string some of them together so I can EXPLODE it out of my brain either through writing or art. also theres smut that happens wayyyy down the line which ill probably end up writing first and posting separately LMAO

penance is a prison: my take on Titan AU but as a fic because my brain is so so full of thoughts abt this au. i'll probably just end up drawing a lot of these scenes instead but like. its there! partially written!! im emotions abt it!!!

self explanatory long title: human/borrower au constructicons/jazz/prowl poly. i love rare not-so-pairs a lot and im particularly fond of this set. also i just like thinking abt either jazz and prowl getting menaced by a bunch of tiny guys OR the opposite where a group of construction workers have two borrower roommates. this one is more just random idea dumps instead of a fic but still fun to think about LMAO

ALSO! MINI REC. while you wait for me to (eventually maybe) write TF fic, you should check out boostergoldishh's works on ao3 for some tasty tasty TF reader insert fics. im still planning on making a rec list but they updated today and im filled w/ much love for good writing.

and as a bonus if you got this far (thank you!!): the super secret draft chapter title for the next NEXT FF chapter because its pretty silly

if my cowriter sees this hi. ill share the doc soon but its pretty much empty, its just there to remind me whats coming next LMAO 👍

[univemma]

I have my problems with the hidden world, like many others. And i just want to gather all my thoughts in one place here because i feel like many agree that the ending itself isnt the problem, but how they did it. For me, personally, they ruined it with the reactions to the dragons leaving. Specifically, the reactions of the dragons.

First, we have Meatlug, who in the past has been shown thay merely HEARING FISHLEGS' VOICE causes her to become overwhelmed with excitement. (RTTE S2E9)

And yet here, she looks like this:

Like?? Not even a frown when she's leaving Fishlegs, who is clearly her favourite person in the world (literally watch ANY HTTYD media and this is made abundantly clear).

Moving on, we have Barf and Belch. Now it can be said that the twins and their dragon don't really have as many emotional dragon-rider moments as the others, but it is still clear that Barf and Belch love their riders. Except here:

The twins look DEVASTATED, meanwhile they (sorry belch is cropped here I couldnt get a ss with both in it) hardly look sad. Barf at least looks a little upset but still, its borderline.

And moving on, to perhaps what angers me the most, Snotlout & Hookfang. These two are easily my fav dragon-rider duo/team, and for many reasons.

Very quickly, allow me to take you back to RTTE S1E13, in which Hookfang goes out of his way to protect "Girl-Hookfang" and her eggs from a Titanwing Monsterous Nightmare when she sends out what Hiccup describes as a "distress signal".

When Snotlout tells Hookfang to choose between him and the dragon, he ultimately chooses defending her. But at the prospect of leaving Snotlout, he looks LIKE THIS:

He looked MISERABLE and even made sad little dragon noises (idk how to describe them im sorry). So,

TELL ME WHY

IN THE HIDDEN WORLD

HE LOOKS LIKE THIS

SNOTLOUT LOOKS LIKE HES LISTENED TO AN ENTIRE MITSKI ALBUM, BROS FUCKING SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP.

And Hookfang hardly even looks at him, just kinda gives him a sideways glance. Like

HELLO???! And ONE OF THESE had a lower budget as a TV show AND a lower quality model (which, unrelated, ive seen some people really dislike but I think the show models are great!)

The only one to act somewhat appropriately is Toothless, who warbles and makes his little dragon noises at Hiccup, almost talking with him, they have their big heartfelt moment and their cute hug before he leaves. Because of course they get it, its Hiccup and Toothless.

And yeah i get it that clearly the dragons are sick and tired of hunters and therefore understand the need to leave. But they dont even look sad! Breaks my heart because after three movies, two tv shows and all the specials of the dragons and riders bonding and caring for each other and they don't even get a heartfelt goodbye.

And let us not forget that Snotlout, Fishlegs and the twins, who have been riders since the FIRST MOVIE, and main characters in their own right for years, don't even get a GOODBYE LINE?? LIKE LITERALLY, Astrid and Valka? Absolutely, they deserve it. Gobber? Sure, he hasn't known grump nearly as long but he's been a relevant and important main character as long as the kids. And Eret-

Now, I love Eret. He's cool. He's great. Love a hunter turned rider.

But WHY DID THEY GIVE A LINE TO HIM AND SKULLCRUSHER (approx. 1 year relationship) OVER THE SIX YEARS OF FISHLEGS, RUFF, TUFF AND SNOTLOUT? THEY DONT EVEN GET A "Goodbye." WHAT.

And again thats not me shitting on Eret getting one, its on the others NOT

And this isnt even beginning to mention Valka and Cloudjumper do not START ME on their TWENTY YEAR FRIENDSHIP AND BOND BEING TORN APART IN A ONE MINUTE GOODBYE.

Anyways on a lighter note, the parallel with Hiccup removing his hand from Toothless in a reverse of the first time they touched all those years ago always gets me emotional. My fav part about the ending.

And that's pretty much all I like about it LMAOO

[joyfullyacat]

Unordinarily Foolish

haha, don't hurt me, not beta'd it's another hurt no comfort - but this time no one dies! woo!! inspired by @gniteruirui 's animatic here (except then it spiraled way from that and im a little sorry-)

CW: so much self loathing, general heartbreak, pining when your heart wars with your brain, no happy ending word count: 2.7k

-

You’ve hit rock bottom it felt like.

What respect did you have for yourself any more?

There’s been a pain, irate and grating on the nerves right in your sternum lately but it was better than feeling numb.

At least, you think it is.

You go years single without affection, you had your time to date and you took time away from the pool, you got your licks from it, you thought you learned all the lessons. 

Now look at you.

Unsteadily, your hands follow the curves and grooves of the toys you clean with wipes. Under here, around there, get into that crevice. Your thoughts travel and your eyes wander to the subject of those thoughts.

Sun is cackling with giggly kids hanging off every limb, clutching about his legs and wrapped about his arms. He’s carefree and radiant, in his element, there seems not to be a care in the world with him… And maybe that was what had you ensnared. You stare at the panel in the back of his neck that his jointed neck comes out of. A distinctly inhuman appearance to his otherwise human personality.

Just maybe, this is what kept you away. You were an ordinary fool with a silly heart but your brain was logical… Cruel but logical.

You were an ordinary fool with not so ordinary lessons to learn. Like how bad of an idea it is to be in love with something - someone incapable of feeling as you do with temperamental chemicals and functionalities that dictate every part of you from head to toe. Who won’t share the experiences of life with you like an ordinary couple.

What you had was not an ordinary love.

This was no ordinary circumstance.

When did you take his exuberant nature for something more than what it was? When did his crushing hugs of friendly greeting become something that stole your breath away - more than just physically. The nicknames too, the sunshines, dewdrops, and daydreams, every single one of them stuck into you and hid between your ribs, becoming new butterflies that’d flutter in your stomach haplessly against your will.

You have enough respect for him to not dump this onto him or his lunar counterpart, Moon. 

Oh yes, a counterpart. A double decker to your psyche, really.

To be in love with not one but two distinct personalities and individuals that weren’t even human. Who likely could not grasp the concept of love, it wasn’t something to be easily defined like happiness or sadness, it was muddled by every emotion and bolstered by them similarly.

This wasn’t including the fact that you were fleeting in their very, potentially eternal, lives.

This also wasn’t including the fact that at any moment, they could be torn in twain and scrapped against your wants to make new animatronics, better ones, new personalities. They wouldn’t remember you - even if they kept the same face.

It already happened once, after Sun and Moon were split into their own bodies.

Most of their memories outside of the employee data bank were lost. You were pretty much another face in the crowd to them.

You were happy to befriend them again - at the time that’s what they were. Friends.

Because denial is not just a river in Egypt and you were hopelessly flowing down it back then, oh it’s just a crush. Merely infatuation! They were new, exciting, interesting and human enough, but you know now.

No, you were utterly endeared and helpless to how your heart speeds up around them.

Well over a year later.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Moon approaching, slinking in the designated shadowy corners you created with well placed large plushies and decorative hangings.

The animatronic lifts a finger, pointing to what you’re doing unknowingly. “I think that toy is clean enough…” He speaks in his typical low grumble, a permanent growl to his voice that rattles in his chest. Something that comforted you in your lowest moments when he’d hug you on days of stress.

His words bring you back to the moment, looking from him then over to the poor anthropomorphic turtle figurine with colored bandana in your hand.

You had stripped some of the color from it. Faded smears of green staining the little white rag.

“Ah, yeah. It is…” You cough, setting the toy in with the others and picking up a sort of tubby looking unicorn toy with cheap white hair and a set of sparkles on its hind quarter.

“You’ve been spacy lately.”

Ah, he was always the more confrontational of the two. A trait you admired and feared. You thought you were confrontational once upon a time, then you met him. Then you learned how ham-fisted your emotions could be to you. Making you clam up entirely.

Both were observant, eventually a comment would be made on your actions lately, your behaviors. Whatever vitals they’ve been able to read from you.

Sun was far more subtle, much more rounded. Acting sort of as a bumper to your feelings with careful gestures and honeyed words that served to entrap you further, much to his unknowing warmth. Leaving you little sticky notes of well wishes that you’d save and so on.

You felt… Dirty, really. Dirty about it all. Guilty may be more apt. Taking their gifts of friendliness for your own selfish needs. To fuel fantasies of your own design.

A low timbre breaks you from your thoughts, “Starbright?”

Right. He’s still there.

Moon brought himself closer, even in that moment of thought. Just an arm’s length away, well for him anyway. You’d have to lean forward.

“Things have been… Going on is all, Moon. Sorry about that, I’ll pay for a replacement toy.” The funny turtle guys are usually stocked in toy aisles, it’d be easy to pick one up the next time you’re going out for the easiest and cheapest premade meals because you haven’t been able to bring yourself to cook properly otherwise lately.

He doesn’t look convinced, looking past you to something just over your head, probably over to Sun if you had any guess. The two had a way of communicating without necessarily having to be in speaking range of one another.

Likely some technological link.

You watch as he nods once... Twice... Three times before suddenly decisions are made.

“...Come on, you’re taking your break early.” Is all he says before you’re swept up with an arm around your shoulders, promptly escorted to a doorway tucked behind one of the play structures with quite the tall baby gate that keeps wandering tikes from going into it.

Also known as the way to their personal room that wasn’t through that funny hook system that made them “float” to the balcony.

You squirm and writhe against his hold, trying to dig your heels into the carpeted area with all your might but he practically picks you up in your struggles. “Ho-Hold on now, I didn’t agree to this-!”

“Don’t care…” He draws out in a mocking sing-song. “Attendant’s orders, we care for children, this includes adults who act like children.”

Was this how you lost what shred of dignity you had left? Cornered to fess up by your coworker and crush? Could you dumb it down, play it off as if it were nothing? Make up a story about something in your personal life going on?

…Better question, did you want to?

You wouldn’t get a better opportunity than this, even if you wanted to do it with both of them present at the same time. No having to repeat yourself and becoming mortified twice over if there is only one band-aid to rip off, after all.

Though that question was answered for you with the reveal of Sun awaiting you up the stairs, hands on his hips and leaning forward, primed up and ready to chastise you for your mistreatment of yourself.

Quickly, you try to find a way out of this impromptu grilling on your being, “I know you did not leave the kids unsupervised.” You point out stiffly, gesturing to the balcony that the solar-themed animatronic likely scaled.

“You are correct, I set up their nap hour! We are both capable of it… Remember I was doing it alone for a time!” He’s chirpy in his jest but distinctly, you feel that smile he can’t necessarily help is more sarcastic in this moment.

“So that leaves you alone with us - ideally uninterrupted with plenty of time to figure out what is wrong with you.” Moon elaborates simply, resting his arms over your head and leaning his weight into you comfortably.

A common way he liked to make fun of his height over you. 

“Mhm! So tell us, sweet sunshine, what’s been eating at you?” Sun holds his hands out to you in invitation, flexing his fingers once.

You don’t hesitate to take his hands into your own two, staring right into his daylight-bright eyes that’d somehow shine more when he was excited you noticed. You hoped they’d stay like that. You don’t ever want to see that light dimmed.

With a deep breath, you decide to take the leap.

“...What would your guy’s responses be if I said I liked you?”

The way Moon goes tense, able to tell even with the rigid, barely padded metal resting against you, has you worried.

Sun twitches in your hold, almost as if wanting to pull away, “Well… It depends in what way you mean by that!”

The animatronic above you doesn’t reply.

Well, here goes nothing for you. Maybe you can ask to be transferred to a different area. Does Bonnie Bowl need any sort of supervision? Children are in every corner of this place, surely someone good with kids would be good in just about any place…

How hard do you play this up… Pouring your heart out would dramatically be for the best you figure.

A little tap to your temple makes you jolt and you can only wish to be able to look up and glare at the attendant who radiates smugness over your head.

“I want to experience life with you in the long run. I want to feel your hands in my hair and I want to be able to care for you similarly, maybe I’d pick up sewing or something to make sure your things fit, I don’t know. I wish to teach you what lies beyond these walls I want you - both… You and…” You point to Moon above you. “I don’t think I could ever choose and risk separation or division. I know there are differences and I'm sorry to dump this all out, it's unwanted and complicating and-” At some point, you start to cry, your frantic blinking had only kept the tears at bay for so long and you couldn’t bow your head to hide the waterworks.

So you stared at Sun who looked to you with, you think, eyes that weren’t remotely as bright as they once were. You caused that.

The seeming pity you felt from them, the awkward, stoney silence.

Your love for them was theirs to keep, your heart would never be your own you think, not for some time. They could do as they wished with it, it was the only blessing you could give them. For them to know they were loved in that way, even if for them, it does nothing.

“...I’m sorry.” You apologize once more after a few moments of the deafening quiet that you couldn’t bear any longer. “I didn’t want to say anything, I was trying to keep it under wraps hoping it’d go away but it didn’t even when I took that - stupid long break using up all my vacation and sick days in one go-”

“Wait, that was why you left for a month?” Moon speaks up, interrupting you swiftly and flicking your temple soon after. “You’re unbelievable. See Sun, this is what I mean. They’re a big child.” 

He’s so huffy about it you can see the silent tapping of his slippered foot against the ground… Actually no, you hear it now. The little bell jingles and his pants sound with the movement.

“Mmm, yes. Yes they are.” Sun confirms with a nod.

You huff out something that you think was supposed to be laughter, “You two are not making me feel any better about this.”

“Because you’ve chewed yourself out thoroughly I think! We had to get you smiling somehow.” Sun releases one of your hands to poke at your nose. “I say we did good.”

Your now free hand automatically went to rubbing at your eyes to forcefully clear the remaining wetness away, using your knuckles and making your vision scramble momentarily. 

“This… Doesn’t give me your answer though.” “Because I’m afraid we don’t have one, Starlet. You’ve dreams and ambitions - but we don’t share them… Especially when it sounds like this like is more of a love, isn’t it?”

Moon has you pinned and you can only let your shoulders lower slowly, forcing down that sticky feeling in your throat, the ball that wants to come out in a sob. 

They didn’t need to be so gentle about it. You wanted them to… Mock you. Do something that’d make you view them at least - something less than pleasant?

Something less than the sweet as peach nature of Sun and the toying black cat nature that Moon possessed, endearing even if sometimes you wanted to take him by the waist and shake him from side to side.

“...I’m sorry.” Is all you say, again.

You’re not sure what this means for you and your friendship with them. Do they view you as silly? Hopeless? A daydreamer with too lofty ideas? Potentially, too idealistic? Romanticizing what wasn’t there? 

“There is no need for an apology, really…” Sun soothes, hushing you when you went to apologize a third time with a press of his finger to your upper lip. “I think you knew our answer to begin with, somewhere in you, didn’t you?”

You did. The one your brain would tell you whenever your thoughts went down the rabbit hole of what-ifs and possibilities. 

After all, they were made with a purpose in mind. Artificial in design, they had their directive, and you were not part of it. They were in love with their duty, their charges, adoring the children they take care of and see grow with each visit. They were caretakers first and individuals second.

You want to find an end to this conversation, a solid conclusion, something of change, meaningful and positive and before you can broach the topic of how this should go on, the sound of a child crying echoes through the dying conversation, silencing it fully.

A part of you laughs deep down at the comical way the two attendants shoot-up like dogs catching the movement of a squirrel. Another part of you cries and laments at their presence leaving yours, the bubble thoroughly popped as arms drop from your head.

Not a moment of goodbye, not a note of continuing this later. They go over to the balcony.

“Oh ho ho! It seems we are up and shining already! Rise and shine from the clouds, who’s ready for snacks?! I say we have little apple bunnies!” Sun cries out with all his joyousness coming out in full force as he launches himself over the railing with a dive.

Moon only spares you a glance, giving you a simple two-finger salute with minimal words before his departure. “Go home.”

The moment he’s over that rail is the moment you feel the urge to keel over and curl up. You feel you screwed that over spectacularly.

This was never so painful, this was never such an agony. Never did feeling love make you feel like such a wretch of an individual. Like an utter bother.

But you go home as instructed. A quick text sent to your coworkers and a brief, phony explanation to the security guard stationed at the front how you sicked up in the bathrooms and wasn’t sure if it was contagious, and you’re out of there.

The rest of the day that’d serve as your shift, you spend staring blankly into nothingness while going about chores you neglected previously due to your shifts and emotional turmoil that left you unwilling to move once you got home.

Anything for normalcy.

Anything to not feel useless. 

Even got to cleaning your bedroom, sorting your messes and putting things where they belonged - briefly you feel accomplished.

You go into your prettily made bed at an hour that’d surely give you a sneer and a direct order to nap by Moon. The sun is kissing the horizon and the inky blackness of the sky, making way for heartwarming pinks that bleed to oranges and purples.

All you feel is cold however.

A meager handful of hours later and you wake up just a bit before your alarm is supposed to go off, to your phone chiming with a text.

…A text.

From your manager.

No email, nothing professional, no official slip of paper.

Hey, sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well, I hope it was just something bad you ate and not an actual issue since you don’t have sick days but, hey, you’ve been moved stations. Effective immediately and all that.

The arcade with DJ Music Man is pretty cool, you’ll do just fine there, you may have to learn some basic engineering and wire tampering though.

Your throat hurts from the wail that falls from you. Miserable and broken.

Desperately, your brain tugs at you. It tugs at your heart. That these tears aren’t needed, you’ve cried, this was for the best. You could heal from this, it wasn’t a break up. You still have your job, there are brightsides to this, that change was good.

All your heart could pound about was that you weren’t wanted anymore.

Unloveable. 

Foolish.

[speak-now-girlies-unite]

rant

my band competed at state today. about an hour ago we found out that not only did we make finals, we placed the same as we did last year when we sucked ass and also put our prop in the wrong spot. this year we did so much better, everyone was so excited. idk why im posting this but im just really sad between this and the election and idk. im just so sad and it doesnt feel fair, everyone agreed that we did so good. i really thought we had it. i dont know where we went wrong and everything feels wrong. ive never cried over losing something but i think about the rest of the band and i think about our seniors and i think about our senior drum majors and color guard leaders. i think of them standing there in the middle of the field in front of everyone as they hear about how we fell short again. i think about how its their last year and it wasnt even our fault this time and they dont deserve this. i have so much love for everyone and all of our seniors and this was it for them. i wasnt expecting to win but i thought at least we could make finals. im so stressed as is and this is just it for me. it feels like no matter what well never be good enough. idk im sorry for the long post but im just so torn up about this. thanks for reading ignore this if you want i just needed to rant

[isopodonanescalator]

OKAY SO. who wants to talk about rent? because I DO!!! this afternoon i saw a production at this random little theatre downtown. (i’ll add pictures at the end btw) it was a bunch of college kids in the show, and let me just say: they were cast SO perfectly it’s not even funny. i want to go character by character because it was really awesome and i loved it and i forgot how much i loved this show (even if it has some flaws), but before i do a character analysis and such, let me give some background info! i had front row seats, and since there wasn’t really an actual stage, the actors were directly in front of us and that was super cool!! there was a couple bits of audience interaction which i liked and i also made eye contact with a couple people and i almost died. onto the characters!!!

starting off strong with Roger because he’s my favorite! the vocals were so strong and full and i was blown away by how amazing he was (im in love with him no joke like holy crap) he made me cry MULTIPLE times in the second act because he showed his emotion so strongly and it like radiated off of him. ALSO HE MADE EYE CONTACT WITH ME NOT ONCE, BUT T H R E E TIMES!!!!!! I DIEEEED I SWOONED I CRIED OMG 😭😭😭 um but yeah his vocals stunned me and he showcased his emotions very very well! (he was also really attractive but that’s irrelevant)

next up is Mark because it just seems wrong to not put him after Roger 😭 he played his role so wonderfully and it was really insane how much resemblance he had to the character!!! like he looks exactly like how Mark should look and it was perfect. i really liked his mannerisms and the way he articulated certain lines scratched my brain very good!! his voice was ALSO phenomenal and his mother (who was sitting next to us) told us that he hadn’t sung in TWO YEARS so for him to sound that good after not performing in a musical for so long was literally amazing!!! he also made eye contact with me after Angels death while i was crying on my friends shoulder, and he like gave me a little nod which was very lovely. i really enjoyed how he played Mark, 10/10 fr!

Tom Collins next: his voice had such a nice bass tone to it and it was really pretty and eep! i absolutely LOVED how he looked at Angel almost any chance he had throughout the show, and i don’t know if it was staged or it was a character choice but i liked it. i don’t have much else to say about him because i payed a lot more attention to Roger (😭) but he also did a really great job!!!

ANGELLLLLL!!!! OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS I REALLY LIKED HOW SHE WAS PORTRAYED IN THIS PRODUCTION! i was very scared at first because of the fact that it was a small performance and i wasn’t sure how good it would be, but the actor was amazing. also: the costuming department absolutely AAAATTEEE with all of Angels outfits because they were on point! my friend and i freaked out every time there was a costume change because they were all so cool! the actor had such a lovely vocal range and i think it was sooo perfect for the character!!!

Mimi was ICONIC. first off, she was about my height which i was super excited about because you don’t always see a lot of super short girls playing the leads. she was like a foot shorter than Roger and she was so cuteeee!! her voice was SO strong and she had really nice breath control, but she had a lot of vibrato, which kind of threw me off at first. overall, i loved the way she played her, she made her very sad and she seemed super torn throughout a lot of the show.

i’m going to put Maureen and Joanne into one paragraph because i don’t have a lot to say about them. Joanne had a REALLY nice belt like her voice was supported and loud and take me for what i am was BEAUTIFUL!!! between her and Maureen that song was super good and you could almost feel the tension. also i have No Day But Today written on my converse, and Maureen saw them when she was on the ground near us during one of the scenes, and she pointed and smiled!

that’s really all i have to say, but feel free to ask about anything if you’re curious (that’s mostly for @loganschwarzy because i know you were wondering about Angel)

this was their set, and there was a bunch of parts of the walls that spun and worked like doors which i thought was THE COOLEST!!!

before the show started they were playing city noises over the speakers which was also cool!

these are my converse that Maureen pointed at!

[mikareo]

hi!!! i love your account it’s so cute :) can i please request a matchup for jujutsu kaisen? im bisexual & use she/her pronouns <3

for my personality, id say im pretty bubbly and excitable. i’m an isfj & cancer, & i try to look on the bright side and try to listen to/help when they’re sad. im very affectionate with the people im close to, and i tend to cling onto my friends arms and hug them a lot. i love anything soft or cute, especially animals!! im kinda scared of bugs though, but i still always try to take them outside. i get distracted pretty easily, and have a hard time dealing with change. i tend to be a bit bossy and unreasonable when it comes to something i’m interested in. i also really like going for walks, shopping, yoga, baking (even though i’m dreadfully awful at it), and reading. i like complimenting strangers, and i try to see the best in everything & everyone! though i can’t really tolerate it if somebody is overly cruel or rude to the people i care about. i have a very “do no harm, take no shit” mentality :) my ideal date would probably be some kind of picnic or a walk in a park on a nice day, i like very aesthetic things ahsjsbsj

please & thank you! have a nice day <3

💌 ✮⋆˙ love letter to...rezqwr!

hi!! i rlly hope u like this character asjkl the pictures i used are so pretty like i'm in awe of them i love this chara sm :) have an amazing day and enjoy reading !!!

[ ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ ᰔ ] your personality matchup results!

congratulations . . .‧₊˚👒✩MAI ZENIN₊˚💐⊹♡

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ chemistry analysis . . .

while i was reading through your information, i was really torn between yuuji and mai. i feel like you and itadori would have a really good base for a relationship— but i decided it would ultimately be platonic, which lead me to pick mai. i think you two would have a lot to give each other, balance wise, and are, in my opinion, the most compatible out of the jujutsu kaisen characters.

mai has such a gentle soul that she hides behind her prickly personality. she doesn't want to show any types of weakness in case there are those who underestimate her, but with you, it's very different. you have open empathy and kindness, something she wishes she could publicly show, and she has so much admiration for how you carry yourself. whether you're comforting a friend or saving a bug from the corner of your kitchen, she's in utter awe with the natural beauty of your heart. as your relationship progresses, she hopes some of that goodness rubs off on her and gives her the courage to show her true self to her peers; which is something that only you can encourage her to do.

a seemingly unfortunate similarity between the two of you, is your resistance to change. while you're more headstrong and opinionated when you aren't happy with the direction a situation is going, mai is more of a pushover. she's too afraid to really say what she thinks and covers up her fear with aggression and insults. with you, however, she has someone who can speak up for her. while you encourage her to state her true feelings, she stands by your side and supports your remarks and occasional 'unreasonable' responses. you're both very aware of your distaste for change, but don't judge the other for it. rather than arguing, you listen to each other and figure out what's bothering both of you; leaning towards healthy conversations instead of toxic ones.

it's tough to get past mai's phony initial persona, but when you really get to know her, you find out that all she wants is to be like all the other girls in japan. she wants to go shopping. she wants to get her makeup done. she wants to laugh and smile with someone she loves without having to worry about curses and whatnot. with you as her companion, she now has the ability to go do these things and having someone to share those memories with. you make her feel like a normal person, and that's the most valuable thing in the world to her.

[delicrieux]

Never read a Lestrange OC/Reader fic before and I'm very excited on how this goes also quite torn between the love interests because while I love Sirius, someone really needs to be there for Regulus 😭

idk why im obsessed w the lestranges (prolly cuz i have a massive crush on bella 😭).

yk how it’s gonna go?? sad!!

reg is my fav baby boy on planet earth but sirius is just so fun….

[onlyangle1]

hello there. i wrote this because im pissed off and id like other people to know that it is okay to be sad over a stupid boy because its normal, their all dicks :) (other than the one direction boys, they have my heart 😻😻)

i would just like to add that im okay, and just like billie eilish once said

“But next week, i hope that somewhere laughing

For anybody asking, i promise i’ll be fine”

———————————- 🩷 -———————————

It’s currently 2:12 in the morning on boxing day and im sat in bed holding back tears because i hate you.

I hate how you made me feel like I was the most beautiful and amazing girl in the world and that no one compared to me.

I hate how you would fall asleep on call with me after telling me you love me more than life itself leaving me with a heart full of warmth.

I hate how you put in so much effort to connect and talk to my friends even though you didn’t like them just to see the smile and laugh on my face.

I hate how you would call me petnames like,my princess, sweetheart and baby because it would make me blush and giggle to myself and feel like a little girl being called pretty for the first time in her new poofy dress

I hate how you would take genuine interest in my day and my interests and ask me questions I hadn’t even thought of myself that makes me feel giddy and excited to answer knowing you would judge me, just listen with smile on your face.

I hate how you promised you would come see me when the time was right and make memories with me that I could keep in the necklace I got for us that you never knew about because you left to quick.

I hate how you lied to me and told me she wouldn’t be that part of your life again because she hurt you more than you could ever think of.

I hate how your going to get hurt again and feel the same pain I saw in you when we first met even though I told you to let her go, not for me but for yourself.

I hate how your not there for me to go to after something fun has happened and I need to show someone pictures and something silly my friends did.

I hate how your not there for me to come to when I need to sleep but struggle because your not there to tell me ‘Sweet dreams my princess, I love you more than you will know’.

I hate how you make me feel now that your gone, like theres a hole in my sad little heart no one can fill but you and your stupid curls.

I hate how much I love you after only a short amount of time and how I trusted you to stay with me and not leave without warning like the others.

I hate how it's not hate; it's the ache of missing someone I loved too quickly. Trusting you to break the cycle, to stay when others left abruptly, only deepens the sting. I hate the lingering love after such a brief encounter, the self-loathing for getting attached too easily. In just a week and a bit, you became a tear-stained chapter, leaving me to grapple with emotions that linger far beyond our time together.

So, here I am, torn between hating you for the hurt and missing you despite it all. It's a complex web of emotions, and I grapple with the reality of loving you within a remarkably short time, only to find myself hurt and questioning my own vulnerability. But in the end I just want you to know that I don’t hate you, I just hate who she makes you.

[nickytheleech]

i will now be rating all the vault tracks and saying my opinion even tho no one prolly cares. these are like my real time reactions so my thoughts are all over the place and im sorry for that

Electric Touch feat. Fall Out Boy: I think this was the song i was most excited for because as a fan of FOB i was really excited to see how they would collab together. this song is really just reinforcing that she needs to do a rock album. i really like how they're voices blend and i think this is a great song. the meaning of it fits with a lot of the other songs, specifically the sadder songs. also the bridge has me covered in goosebumps. im going to give it a 12/13

When Emma Falls In Love: i really like this song. i can deeply relate to it. i love the little metaphors in it i think they just add to the sing so well. i'll give it a 11/13

I Can See You: i've seen a lot of people already talking ab this but anyways. i love the ah ah ahs in the beginning. it seems like a little throwback to mine and i could just be reading into it to much but that's the vibes of it. i also love the lower register she's singing in, like how she does in folklore. also the lyrics 🤭🤭. they're making me blush lol. her storytelling is amazing and i feel like im seeing the story in my head being played out as a movie. this song is a showing a side of taylor we don't always see and im loving it. this song especially with her lower voice (if you couldn't tell i love it) is like ear candy to me. this is a 13/13 song

Castles Crumbling feat. Hayley Williams: this is the other song i was really excited to hear. i love the way their voices blend as well. also i saw someone show the similarities between this song and ciwyw and now that's all i'm thinking ab. also hayley williams voice is also ear candy. even though i don't relate to this song on a personal level i still love it so much. also verse 3 i feel has so much weight and is a little for lack of a better word throwback to reputation and anti-hero and i love that. i love that in some way either intentional or not ties together. im giving this song a 12/13

Foolish One: im starting to notice a theme between all the vault songs (not that that's a bad thing). the chorus hits so close to home i thought she was watching me for a minute lol. actually scratch that the whole damn song is my life. "Now im sliding down the wall with my head in my hands" is how i react to every sad song she ever wrote lmao. this song was great 12/13

Timeless: wow im on the last song of the album. 104 minutes felt like 35. i don't think i'm ready for this to be the last song. i love this song and the meaning behind this. i think this song was perfect for speak now. "Story of a romance torn apart by fate. Hundreds of years ago they fell in love like we did. And i'd die for you in the same way if i first saw your face" this screams Romeo and Juliet, which immediately makes me think of Love Story. yet another instance of taylor tying all of her music together. once again i love the message behind this song. 13/13

wow that was a lot to write and read. if you got this far i'd love to hear your opinion if your willing to share. i can't believe i listened to the album in all one sitting. i started at 12 am and i'm finishing this up at 2:04 am.

[megabuild]

30 and 35 for the writers asks

30. favourite idea you haven't started yet

i answered this one already buuut another big one is. Thee mental breakdown I love a good mental breakdown! There are multiple.. I can't detail the ones I'm thinking of too much because they're big spoilers but both S1 and S2 pix have this big moment where everything slots into place and they realise what's going on and it's horrible and scary and I am so excited to write them both. ESPECIALLY season 1 because it's sort of. Not violent nobody gets hurt but there's some blood and body horror as is the way with aoyuer S1 and it looks so cool in my head I can't wait to get it down on paper

35. what scene are you least looking forward to writing?

all of them I'm scared of writing the end of s1 especially though because I'm not good at writing things that end in a satisfying way I hate writing endings so much. And since the story itself does not end in a satisfying way I don't . Know exactly what I'm doing with it yet LMFOAHDK im figuring it out I have ideas. Also a couple of arguments between fwhip and pix that make me very sad I feel like when I get to some of those I Will shed a tear. Jimmy and pix also have a big argument that I'm fucking terrified of but that's less dread and more like. Painful to watch pix get torn to shreds like that. Also any scene where anyone kisses because I don't know how to do that

writer asks

[anakin-pilled]

ANDRA ANDRA ANDRAAAA my sweet andra <3 i am so sorry it took me this long to read and annotate this, i normally read everything you post within the day but life has been little crazy lately ): but anyway im so excited to that you're writing again because you are so talented and no one can compare to the way you make me feel with your writing!!!!! so happy to see false god continuing because well.....who doesn't love a dilf! jake with heavy angst WITH AN AGE GAP?!?!??!?

Why would you say that? What possessed him to confide in you about parts of his life he forsook, he gave up what felt like eternities ago?

poor jakey is embarrassed from talking to a younger hot girl HAHAAHAH

You and Neteyam were much alike, and somehow still managed to complement each other well, at the same time. He used to think you’d be good for him, back then.

👀👀 now why do i feel like something might happen with neteyam..

“I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not as bad as you think. We always tend to overthink in our heads, and, as humans, we always tend to see the worst in ourselves. You, more than most.”

i always love how you bring the human condition into all your stories because while the na'vi might disagree with and not understand this, the human condition (in all its positivity and negativity) is so beautiful and an extraordinary thing to witness AND go through.

but also i once again find myself relating to your female protagonists...its like you see into my soul ?!???!?!

“I think someone overstepping once in a while is exactly what a man who’s always obeyed needs. Go to sleep, love.” 

NOW NORM WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THIS AND WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT

Just because you talked about something he cared about, that nobody asked him about, just because he confessed to you feelings he hasn’t said out loud in more than 24 years… that didn’t mean anything.

UH OH the seeds of something have planted into jake's heart...

Any extra time spent with you is time where he could talk and say something, confess something else that is better left unsaid, fall prey to your uncanny ability to see through him, to will out words he hasn’t even realised he’s been dying to say out loud. 

NBDJKNBJENRBKJSNIODRNSOABNRK ..... ummm jake is in a pickle

Can you do that for me?”

you mean can you do that for me babygirl

Norm once told you life, especially in your 20s, was about the joys and miseries of growing pains, but if you knew, how the journey was full of polarising extremes that pulled at every fibre of your being, how the high was insurmountable, but the pain was unbearable, maybe you would have thought twice before jumping in. 

oh god this is so fucking spot on but also i love this description of the 20s its so intense and scary but that's exactly how it is

You wonder if he realised that this was the beginning of the end, if the pull you felt was the same one that drove him to what came after

now now now.....what does Eywa have to say about this

It was clear to him more and more you loved being the one asking the questions and never the one answering them, and, soon enough, here you were again, curious as a cat about things nobody else was when it came to him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH omg omg omg like its so cute but i have to remind myself hes a married man but also i do feel bad for jake because while neytiri does love him, i would be sad if i never got the chance to talk about my life before even though jake doesn't seem to look at his past fondly, i think everyone is attracted to the idea of someone genuinely wanted to know about you on a deeper level because we all want to be seen, even when we don't admit it or reject it

He looked at you, pleading, not knowing whether he needed you to stop or keep going, only knowing it hurt, being torn at the seams like that between two choices that both led to heartbreak and epiphanies he wasn’t ready to face nor strong enough to deal with on his own, especially right now.

WE LOVE EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE JAKE!!!!!!! can i just say i love how introspective you write every character you right always has the perfect characterization and you always describe their inner thoughts in the most perfect way as well

It was then you knew you were heading for a potentially life-altering, life-ending fall that would break all your bones and leave you tethered on the ground, shattered and broken, unable to ever be put back together the same. And so you tried. You broke the moment that felt eternal, even though it pained you, to know at some point he wouldn’t be looking at you the way he had been then, and asked him to go home.

THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH RIGHT HERE????!!?!? FUCKING PERFECT!! THERES NO GOING BACK NOW OMG ITS OUT IN THE OPEN AND THEY BOTH CAN FEEL IT

i think as much as i love being like dilfs 🥰 i would be absolutely terrified to be in this situation with an older man because they just hold so much more experience and wisdom (well maybe not too much wisdom) and well im a baby and god it must be SO intimidating to be in that position and how the hell do you even navigate this fine line without falling off the fucking edge ?!?!??!?

Better than sulk all night in a corner the way I know you’re itching to do.”

OK OUCH NETEYAM DONT BE FUCKING RUDE

It took a lot to make Neteyam flustered, and so you couldn’t understand why your words affected him so much.

THERE IT IS!!!!! neteyam has to be some feelings reader. also im fucking crying because she just projected so hard in the next sentences, she must be a little oblivious or too in her head from the previous conversation but i have an inkling that she is more desirable than she thinks to multiple people

In your head, that was exactly what you needed then: some sex with some random Na'vi who wanted to show you a good time, help you forget about the one you really wanted.

THATS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TOO!!!!

You weren’t his. You were free to do as you wished, and the thoughts that plagued him as the mother of his children was sitting in his lap, perfectly unaware, were enough to pool other feelings, like guilt and shame, and form a heady concoction of emotions that he knew sooner or later would explode all around him.

i am so interested in this dynamic and i absolutely love love love it!! because it really is so complex and there's so many layers to understand and its not black and white AT ALL but that's what makes it all the fun and i cannot wait to see where this goes

You couldn't believe he was in your room, as if by thinking about him hard enough you manifested him here.

.....that's a little strange jake and i don't like it.

“Because it’s not you, ok?! Because it can’t be you! And I don’t know if you’ve realised this, but it’s not like I have a line of men willing to mate or even be seen with a human, an alien, a sky demon. So it has to be him! That’s why.” 

NFIESBNGIBDOSG OH LORD SOMETHING IS ABOUTT O HAPPEN AGAIN AND IM NOT READY

His lips, soft and needy, not at all like you imagined them to be, ceased your pleading words before you got a chance to speak them. It took a second, just one second, for you to understand what was happening, to process the way the kiss was everything you've ever wanted and more than you've ever dreamed about, the way he was desperate and hungry for your touch, for you to reciprocate his feelings... so you did.

me rn: 💀💥

With a nod, you dropped your head backwards and knew, in your heart, whatever was next would be the beginning of the end, of you, of him, of everything you’ve both worked so hard for and yet, all you felt was unadulterated, heavenly, euphoric bliss. 

i have no words right now EXCEPT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK girl i didn't think that they would get it so quick but um...here we are. AND HOW WILL THEY DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND HOW WILL JAKE HIDE THIS FROM NEYTIRI OH GOD

this was an amazing chapter pookie, even though you haven't written in a while, you couldn't even tell because this chapter was so good ❤️ IM LITERALLY SCREAMING STILL AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANDRA WHY WOULD YOU BE THIS CHAOTIC

ꜰᴀʟꜱᴇ ɢᴏᴅ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɪɪ: ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴀʟɪᴠᴇ 'ᴛɪʟ ɪ'ᴍ ʙᴜʀɴɪɴ' ᴏɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴀᴄᴋʙᴜʀɴᴇʀ

pairing: dilf!Jake Sully x (f)human/avatar!reader

synopsis: Jake struggles to adapt with the way being next to you is making him feel.

this story will contain an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship, and dark themes (smut, mental health, death, violence, infidelity), so pls read at your own discretion.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, angst, age-gap (23 vs 43), (a little) smut at the end

wc: 6.1k words

a/n: umm, hi there?? do you remember me? i know it's been such a long time and I am so so sorry, but I am backkk besties!!! i am so happy to finally be able to complete chapter two and I hope you enjoy because it's quickly picking up pace. i really hope this isn't garbage, i'm so so out of practice and so insecure about my writing, but i still hope you are able to understand and enjoy this, because i am so excited to finally be back writing.

ps: this story will move perspectives and timelines a lott, so i hope it's not too confusing but pls do let me know if it is and i'll figure something out xx

replies and reblogs are massively appreciated, i loveee to hear from you so much!

na'vi compendium: tanhi - bioluminescent freckles, paskalin - sweet berry (term of endearment)

series masterlist (x)

Maybe I'm just not better than this, I haven't tried Maybe life's less romantic when I don't wanna die You'd think I'd be a fast learner But guess I won't ever mind crisping up on your backburner

Jake has always felt comfortable in nature. Even back on Earth, the comfort of a bed was a luxury mostly lost on him throughout his life. It was peaceful, and comforting, feeling the ground beneath his feet, beneath his skin, malleable and nurturing, like a warm embrace. It was a given here, with the connection the Na’vi had with the world around them, with the forest surrounding them, that he would become one with it, too, that he would find solace in it. He did, most days. Just not tonight, as he lay on the slightly damp surface with an arm underneath his head for support, trying to find meaning in the stars that were still so beautiful and bright they took his breath away, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat and his wandering thoughts. 

What was that? This whole day, that conversation that was still ringing in his ears like an insipid echo, making sweat bead on his forehead and trickle down his temples, until they were one with the soil. Why would you say that? What possessed him to confide in you about parts of his life he forsook, he gave up what felt like eternities ago?

He’s never truly noticed you before. The shy, timid girl who was far too attuned to others’ feelings to be able to overlook the disdain still present in some members’ of the clan when it came to anything human, always holed up in that lab he hated, that was at odds with everything he’s come to known and too much like everything he was trying his best to leave behind. It used to be different back then, when you were young, just a child craving connection and companionship, always tied to the hip to his eldest son, Neteyam, where Spider always took more to his two middle children. Par for the course, he thought. You and Neteyam were much alike, and somehow still managed to complement each other well, at the same time. He used to think you’d be good for him, back then. Not that he’d ever tell Neytiri that, the seemingly blasphemous idea, but yes - he thought that, even before you got an Avatar. But now, the thought made him uneasy - queasy, even. It wouldn’t be right. Your relationship would be frowned upon, and the Omaticaya would never look at you and see the future Tsa’hik that’s meant to lead them, to interpret their deity’s way. You were too fragile, too tuned in to your own and others’ emotions to be able to overcome it, and it would break you. Being with Neteyam would break you. 

The night was torturous and slow, so many thoughts eating away at him like a disease. By the time Eclipse passed, he was ready for this trip to be over. Being here with you alone wasn’t good, he realises now. It was a mistake, to talk to you, to look into your eyes, to notice you. Because now that he did, he couldn’t stop. The way your Avatar body twitched in sleep, the way he couldn’t help wonder what you were doing in your human body - were you sleeping, like you should be? Was this on your mind, this night, the same way it was his? Were you cramming everything you once used to do in a day in the few hours you had in your now secondary body?

“Oh, kid. You better know how to fix this better than I do.” 

“Is the Avatar safe?”

Norm trusted Jake with his life, and still, he knew he had to ask. The scientist in him, the Avatar program leader de facto, he’s always taken every responsibility, every chance to prove himself to the Na’vi and to his late mentor, Grace Augustine, very seriously. And that included taking care of you. You were not his blood, but you were his family, and he wanted to protect you, he wanted you to be alright. And so when Jake suggested getting some much needed tutelage, he was happy to wait until the night to hear all about it. 

“You know it is.”

“How did it go?”

“Well, I think. He was right, I guess. I definitely feel a bit more comfortable outside of the village, of all the prying eyes.” 

“Amazing. Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

“I’m… not sure. I think… I overstepped.” The blush in your cheeks and eyes glued to your fiddling feet made Norm’s brown eyebrow rise, a small grimace mirroring the one marring your beautiful, soft features. Still, he placed a hand on your head, gently brushing the stray hairs that were raised from the hours of being in the cryocapsule.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“He… told me about his life on earth. About his father, and I… made a comment. I have no idea how he reacted to it, but now that I’m here, I have no chance to fix it.”

“I’m sure whatever it is, it’s not as bad as you think. We always tend to overthink in our heads, and, as humans, we always tend to see the worst in ourselves. You, more than most.”

After helping you out, making sure you were settled on your wobbly, weak knees, he gave your shoulder a small squeeze and left to his quarters, but not before telling you one last thing.

“I think someone overstepping once in a while is exactly what a man who’s always obeyed needs. Go to sleep, love.” 

The next morning, you felt dizzy as you woke up in the forest, slight groan audible with every stretch that allowed your sore muscles to loosen. You weren’t surprised to see Jake already up, busying himself with gutting a fish which would most likely constitute your breakfast. You gulped at the sight of him, veiny arms expertly handling the animal, his relaxed postured at odds with the slight frown on his face. Was that because of you? Was he mad at you? What possessed you to talk to him like he was a friend and not the Toruk Makto, the mighty Olo’eyktan? What possessed you to confess about an old crush, that died with your innocence about the world, about the same time you finally started to notice how the Omatikaya, particularly Neytiri, have looked at you all your life. 

“Um, good morning.” 

His eyes flickered over to you, lingering for a second longer than they needed to on your golden eyes before turning back swiftly, and the expression he adorned, a mixed between shame, guilt and desire, would have been obvious to anyone with more life experience, but not to you. Still, you noticed the blush in his cheeks, and couldn’t help the anxiety bubbling in your chest at what… or whom, might be the cause of it. 

“‘Morning, kid. D’you sleep well?” 

“I guess. You?” 

“One of us have to stay up and keep an eye out for predators, you know. Can’t have you get eaten before I’m done teaching you how to defend yourself.” His smile was teasing, and if it was an effort to put your mind at ease, you did appreciate it. It made what you had to say next come out easier.

“Listen, Jake… what I said last night… it was none of m-“

“It’s alright, kid. It’s been a while since anyone’s contradicted me, apart from my wife, so…” his laugh was rugged and unforced, and you couldn’t help join in at the sonorous melody that rang in your ears and all of a sudden couldn’t imagine being without. 

“So you don’t hate me?” 

Jake’s eyes settled on your own, but not before flickering to your parted lips, so focused and eager, you were clinging on to his every word, waiting desperately to be put out of your misery. 

“No, kid. I don’t hate you.” 

Jake didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he did know one thing: it was just a stupid conundrum, nothing more. He didn’t feel anything for you, he was just taken aback by someone who seemed to be a lot more intuitive and incisive about someone’s inner workings than he gave you credit for. But that’s it. Just because you talked about something he cared about, that nobody asked him about, just because he confessed to you feelings he hasn’t said out loud in more than 24 years… that didn’t mean anything. He had a mate. A mate he loved, a mate he was sworn to forever. He had a family, children, a life. It was nothing. So he did his duty and helped you, keeping a safe distance and the conversation to a minimum, outside of instructions he ought to give you. Still, despite his apprehensions, being with you was easy. You were docile and listened well, you were quiet and kept to yourself, and, in the moments you did talk, there was a pureness, a light to your heart that made his own feel lighter. 

“Good form. Now focus on the target and, when you’re ready…”

He watched as the arrow flew at high speed and travelled the length of the forest until it hit the ground next to a tree marked with an X - a makeshift target, but it did the job. 

“Release.” 

“Sorry.” Your ashamed disposition was as clear as day on your face and in your body language, and the purple twinge in your cheeks brought forth the luminosity of your tanhi and he hated himself for noticing it to begin with. 

“Don’t be. You did well. Just make sure you draw all the way back before releasing. The target’s a bit narrower than you’re used to, so you’re doing well.” 

His eyes softened taking you in. A sigh reverberated from deep within his chest and he said the words before he could stop himself, fully knowing he might regret them later. 

“Let’s focus on your tracking instead for a little while. A change of scenery might do you well.”

He knew he should leave the tracking skills for back to the village, for someone else to teach you. He should just hurry back home - to his life, to his wife, to the normalcy he’s both craving and desperately afraid of. Any extra time spent with you is time where he could talk and say something, confess something else that is better left unsaid, fall prey to your uncanny ability to see through him, to will out words he hasn’t even realised he’s been dying to say out loud. 

The ground was wet and cold, accentuated by the heavy moisture surrounding you. it still took getting used to, the air, breathing it in and out, like you were born to do so, such a colossal departure from the mask that covered your face for most of 23 years of your life. Still, it was a blessing, and one you made sure to appreciate with every breath you took. You forgot a little about it, all the gratitude, as the air felt particularly dense and thick as you took it in, as the man you now called mentor crawled skilfully like a steady, stealthy apex predator, little to no evidence of his presence other than the hand that was rested carefully on the small of your back, sending bouts of electricity all throughout your body. His voice was quiet as he spoke it near your ear, a velvet shroud that enveloped you and stirred something in you, something primal and carnal, something you’ve never felt before. What was happening to you? What was he doing to you?

“Lower, kid. The lower you are to the ground, the fainter your scent, the easier to hide.” 

“I-it’s… hard.” 

You could hear his smirk as he answered your quiet protestation, and you wondered whether he found it endearing or irksome, praying and hoping with as much power as you still had left in you that it was the former. 

“I know, girl. Guess we’ll have to train those abs for more core strength, huh?” 

You were happy your back was to him so he couldn’t see the violent blush haunting your cheeks, but even so, there was little you could do about your rampant heart or your heaving breath.

“I can hear your heartbeat like it’s echoing through the whole forest. And if I can, every other animal on a half a click radius can, too. You have to learn to calm your mind. Can you do that for me?”

Although what he was asking of you seemed impossible, considering his touch set your body and soul ablaze and your mind’s already erratic rumination seemed to reach an incandescent high, you tried, and although every muscle in your body hurt and ached, much like the first few times you allowed yourself to train in this body, you did as you were told, and, by early afternoon, you managed to track a pack of Yarik without even as much of a perk of the ear to give you away. You remember still, those early days, like they were happening to you now, as you stood here, in your bedroom, as the tears blurred the familiar space, the rock you were holding so tightly in your hand that it was cutting through your palm until all that inundated your sight was a watercolour red stain. You should have known then. What would follow. When he touched you, how it made you feel, you should have known to stay away. Norm once told you life, especially in your 20s, was about the joys and miseries of growing pains, but if you knew, how the journey was full of polarising extremes that pulled at every fibre of your being, how the high was insurmountable, but the pain was unbearable, maybe you would have thought twice before jumping in. 

You wonder if he knew, then. If he felt it, too. You wonder if he realised that this was the beginning of the end, if the pull you felt was the same one that drove him to what came after, to all he ended up putting on the line. You wondered if it was all a ploy, getting you alone, or if he truly just wanted to help, innocent and undiscerning, just a dutiful Olo’eyktan. You thought you knew his heart, and how much it hid and how much it hurt, you thought you came to know it all through all this time, but as the bleeding in your heart mirrored your gashing palm, you weren’t sure anymore. 

“Come.”

The Yarik were all gone now, unfrightened by your unassuming presence, which you took as a win. Still, you almost flinched when his now much louder voice rang above the quiet murmur of the forest. 

“Where?”

“You worked hard today, so you deserve a break. And I know just the spot.” 

Jake wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, what he was about to do, but he knew you needed something to break apart the times of pain and struggle. It was something he’s learnt, being here, on Pandora, as one of the people, that there was more to life than duty, than sacrifice and pain, then the daily struggle of fitting in, of pitching in, of simply existing. You had to live life, face it, enjoy it. And he wanted you to have that, especially now. He understood, more than most, what it was like to be inhibited and trapped to a space or a time, paralysed, literally or figuratively to your immutable circumstance. For him, it was his legs, trapping him in a body he hated and couldn’t recognise, in habits he took on just like the soldier he’s always been, because there was nothing else he could do. For you, it was your human body, that confined you to the lab, to a mask, to a life that could never be experienced fully, until now. So, despite a small part, probably the logical part of his mind, telling him he should just keep the training going or go home, he decided to share with you a place he found while hunting for food last night. And when he saw your face as you took it in, all doe-eyed and bushy tailed, ears twitching enthusiastically and a beautiful, innocent smile taking over your whole face, he knew he made the right call. He found his own smile brewing without being able to contain it, your joy so contagious, it was like the whole world shone just a little brighter than it had a few minutes ago.

“Jake… I love it. Thank you.”

The roar of the waterfall crashing on the otherwise peaceful lake almost drowned your words, and he laughed at the way you were tentatively approaching the water, as if scared that the caress of it on your skin might hurt your already aching muscles. 

“Good. Let’s see how you like it up close.” 

And with that, and a gentle tap on your shoulder, a loud splash ensued where you hit the water. He laughed yet again at the way you emerged from it, wet and startled and almost as if you could not believe what just happened. 

“I-I… you… I cannot believe you did that!” 

He couldn’t help how much fun it was, doing this, being with you - it was as if for the first time in ages, in decades, being alive was fun again. It was as if this forest was completely separated from his own, from what was waiting for him back home, the unsurmountable pressure that plagued him every second of every day, especially since the humans returned. 

“Believe it, kid. You need to learn to let loose once in a while, you know?”

You rolled your eyes, but seemed intrigued by his preposition. 

“I will if you will.” 

And so he did. And for the next few hours, life was easygoing and fun, and spending time in your presence felt like coming out for a deep breath when it felt like he’d been drowning. He’s learnt you didn’t really know how to swim, and that the first song you’ve ever learnt on piano was one you deeply related to, that he’s made you promise you’d sing to him, and he found out plenty of small things, but nothing important, or of substance. It was clear to him more and more you loved being the one asking the questions and never the one answering them, and, soon enough, here you were again, curious as a cat about things nobody else was when it came to him.

“Did you ever expect it?” the sun was still shining brightly upon you both, warming your strong, supple bodies as you floated in the otherwise cold water. Eclipse wasn’t too far behind, but right now, neither of you particularly seemed to care. 

“What’s that?” You continued floating, looking intently at the sky - focused or too embarrassed to look at him, Jake couldn’t really tell. 

“Everything. What you did, what happened. Did you ever expect it, when you were offered a place on a shuttle to Pandora?” Once again, Jake was taken aback by your propensity of asking deep, profound, intimate questions like you were asking about the weather. He wondered briefly if you realised that that’s not how most people talked.

“No… I didn’t. I didn’t care, about the job or the mission. I cared about the money. And later, about the chance to get my legs back.” 

“Do you ever miss it? Being… normal.” 

“I was given a second chance - a purpose bigger than me, bigger than the measly life I left behind. I -“ this finally got your attention, and for the first time since your first question, you adjusted your position in the water so that you were fully facing him, inquiring eyes like beads of light and focus, intent on taking in every expression, every shift in mood, every slight adjustment of his face. You tried again, this time more forceful and intense, this time almost demanding of his full attention.

“That wasn’t my question. It’s a privilege, and an honour, to be who you are…”

He struggled as he always did to stifle a roll of his eyes and the speech he’s heard a million times before, from his wife, or his Tsa’hik, from every villager of the Omatikaya, from every other tribe leader he’s ever met through diplomatic missions. The answer he always kept at the ready was caught in his throat, because you kept going.

“…but I’m sure it’s also tiring, and hard. And lonely. So do you ever miss it? Do you ever wish things could go back to the way they were? Do you ever wish you didn’t have to be there for everybody all the time?”

He looked at you, pleading, not knowing whether he needed you to stop or keep going, only knowing it hurt, being torn at the seams like that between two choices that both led to heartbreak and epiphanies he wasn’t ready to face nor strong enough to deal with on his own, especially right now.

“Kid…” 

“I went too far again, didn’t I? What is wrong with me?” 

The attempt to get out of the lake was swiftly overthrown by his much stronger physique keeping you in place, caging you in between the edge of the lake and his muscular arms. Jake wasn’t an emotional man, he wasn’t one to be overcome with feelings that could cloud his judgement, that could interfere with a plan of action and yet, standing there, in that moment, your wide golden eyes looking fearfully and surprisedly up at him, the rapid pulse of your heart clearly visible in your carotid artery running up your neck, he felt his mind clouded and his own heart trembling with the overwhelming, unexpected urge to taste you, to feel those lips crashing over his, your tongues intertwined, his fingers wander in wondrous places he was sure no one else had before. He needed you, like he’s scarcely ever needed anything else, like he rarely ever allowed himself to. But you weren’t his, you never would be. And this was wrong and immoral, and it didn’t matter - that you seemed to be able to see right through him, that everything you said cut like a knife through all the bullshit and pretence, that your pupils were so wide they were swallowing the golden of your irises, that he could feel that you wanted it too. None of it mattered. 

“You didn’t go too far. You just… see things. And ask things, no one else ever does. And it scares me, kid. You scare the shit out of me.” 

“Me? I’m nothing. I’m… just a girl.”

“You’re everything.”

It was then you knew, that the crush was not a crush, it was so much more, too much more. It was then you knew you were heading for a potentially life-altering, life-ending fall that would break all your bones and leave you tethered on the ground, shattered and broken, unable to ever be put back together the same. And so you tried. You broke the moment that felt eternal, even though it pained you, to know at some point he wouldn’t be looking at you the way he had been then, and asked him to go home. You were quiet and compliant all the way back, and he made it easier on you by a performance of the same caliber. You didn’t know if it made you feel better or worse, that the moment clearly affected him too, enough that both of you looked like dogs with their tails between their tails as you arrived back in the village, without having spoken another word to the other, without as much as risking a glance in the other’s direction.

It was for the best. There was nothing, absolutely nothing that could come of entertaining this little troubled happenstance, and truth be told, you couldn’t wait for your life to get back to normal, where he barely spoke to you and you were free to withdraw within yourself the way you knew you had to in order to heal. You were able to get over your mindless crush once before, and you were certain to be able to do it again, especially given you would had the perfect opportunity in the annual clan celebration that you had come just in time for. 

“How was it?” Neteyam was quietly hopeful about your trip with his dad, eager to be able to call you one of the People as soon as he possible could. Any effort to aid that, to allow you closer to a life he knew you deserve and knew you could make your own, was beneficial and encouraged in his mind. You loved Neteyam, and appreciate him for who he was and what he meant to you - a brother, a best friend, a confidant. You told him most things and yet, some things were just too ugly to share, and so you didn’t. Some things were better off swept under the rug, praying the lump they made was not big enough to trip on. 

“Great. I think he was right, being away from all the prying eyes helped. Guess I’ll just have to show you tomorrow. Who knows? I might even be better than the mighty warrior soon, eh?” 

He threw his head back and laughed, and you joined in his joy, already feeling better just being away from him, leisurely walking trough the village and helping out with anyone who needed a hands for tonight’s celebration. 

“Dream on, paskalin. Although, you could show me what you learnt tonight, and maybe even win a prize in the knife throwing contest. Better than sulk all night in a corner the way I know you’re itching to do.” 

“Actually, I wasn’t planning on doing that. Not tonight.” 

“Oh?” You wish you hadn’t said that, because you should have realised Neteyam would be curious and it was a subject you didn’t feel ready to talk to anyone about, especially a man, a beautiful, glorious, obviously-experienced one, such as your best friend. 

“I just mean, it’s time, you know? To try to live my life. Maybe even find someone with whom to share it with.” 

“Y-you mean… like a mate?” 

Neteyam looked taken aback by your confession, so much so that he stopped in the middle of the path, making two children bump into his legs and fall down behind him. It took a lot to make Neteyam flustered, and so you couldn’t understand why your words affected him so much. Was it so unsettling to people, the thought of an Avatar finding love on the planet that wasn’t quite home, but was the only chance at home you would ever get? Were you so repulsive as a person that the one who knew you the best thought it hard to digest that you could ever be loved by a man? 

“Forget about it, Neteyam. I’ll be at the celebration, alright? I should go get ready.” 

You left before you could hear his excuses or explanations - you knew you were sensitive, probably too sensitive. You knew you were probably overreacting, and his words didn’t have any malintent, and you knew he was most likely just taking a second to adjust to a new stage of your life you’ve never shared with him before. You knew all of these and more, and yet, your heart was tired and bruised, your mind a tumultuous whirlwind of doubt and misery. You needed time, time to heal, time to think. Time you didn't have, when the celebration was upon you.

You almost wanted to laugh now, months after that night happened, at how stupid you had been that night, how desperate and pathetic. You knew about some Na'vi, certain warriors who loved the idea of humans, of experimenting with them, of using them. You've heard the stories, you've seen the scientists coming back to the lab with them, you've been around when they talked about how good it was, how necessary the release, how passionate and life-changing the experience. In your head, that was exactly what you needed then: some sex with some random Na'vi who wanted to show you a good time, help you forget about the one you really wanted. It wasn't hard enough to find one that night, especially after you won your prize in the knife throwing competition, when the warmth of liquid courage was still embedded deep within your throat and soul, much to Neteyam's dismay. Still, the performance attracted attention, of one man in particular you cared about. Strong, 10 feet tall and muscular, he was looking at you like a meal and right then, you wanted nothing more to be devoured. You wondered what your life would have been like if that night went differently than it did. You wondered...

He barely noticed it, his wife’s touches or his clan members’ words of admiration or respect, not when the only thing his mind could focus on was the way his hand was caressing your shoulder and down your arm in gentle and intimate touches that felt too familiar for two people who have seemingly barely ever interacted before. His skin crawled at the sweet, shy smile you were sending his way and at the slight tint of purple he could see in your cheeks. You were too pure for this, Jake knew. Too pure for the intentions clear on his face that he didn’t think you fully understood, how this was all a game, a conquest, how you were a prize to be won, a trophy to be paraded around to the Na’vi who loved to brag about fucking the Avatars, the humans, the aliens. It was a game to him, and you… you weren’t a game to be played, not to Jake. 

To his surprise, he realised he was angry with you. Angry that you were humouring him, that you were giving into it, that you were enjoying it. That guy was not good enough for you, and you should know that. You should know that for your first time being touched, being someone else’s, you needed someone who knew how to handle you, how to make you feel good, show you what it feels like to give in to your wildest dreams and fantasies. You needed someone to teach you. The fury bubbling just beneath the surface worried him.

You weren’t his. You were free to do as you wished, and the thoughts that plagued him as the mother of his children was sitting in his lap, perfectly unaware, were enough to pool other feelings, like guilt and shame, and form a heady concoction of emotions that he knew sooner or later would explode all around him. None of the feelings trumped the relief that washed over him as soon as he saw Lo’ak approach the two of you and break apart the scene, and right then, in that moment, Jake never felt more grateful for his troublemaker son and his propensity for meddling in other people’s business.

You looked disappointed with the interruption, slightly irked at his son and at the way the hand that was running up and down your thigh was now vacant from the spot you obviously thought it belonged on. The boy was clearly annoyed at Lo’ak, and a smirk breeched the carefully constructed expression resting on the Olo’eyktan’s face - annoyed or not, everyone knew better than to challenge one of his sons. So, with a careful goodbye, he was gone, leaving you gesticulating widely in his direction and clearly despondent with the outcome. It wasn’t long before you left for your tent, and Jake knew that if he was to survive this night, he’d have to be careful not to give in to the one thing he wished for the most in the world. 

Your shower was hotter than what you were used to, hot enough to hopefully scald away the shame and embarrassment you felt now that you were sober once more. Your life seemed to be comprised mostly of those, recently, and while it was somewhat easy to forget how badly you fared in training your Avatar body once you got back to your bedroom and the safe confines of the labs, this new, fresh development lingered like a cold sore, painful whenever you remembered it. Did anyone else apart from Lo’ak see you, shamelessly flirting and allowing a Na’vi warrior to feel you up? Did everyone know how desperately you wanted someone to take you away and make you forget about the one man you actually wanted, the man who made all the other ones pale in comparison, the one man who you couldn’t have? You knew it was so wrong, how badly you craved his touch, what effect even a fleeting image of him in the back of your mind had on you, how your slick was running down your legs, how your brain couldn’t stop conjuring all the ways he could teach you how to be, how to love, how to live. How you knew his touch would ruin you and put you back together, kill you and finally bring you to life. 

As you fastened your towel onto your body and opened the door to your bedroom, you were startled to find the one man you couldn't shake from your mind sitting on your bed, eyes wandering over your barely dry body.

“God, Jake, you scared me!”

You couldn't believe he was in your room, as if by thinking about him hard enough you manifested him here. He was so tall, so much bigger than you as you stood now, in your human body, frail and delicate and so easy to break. He barely fit on your bed and in your room, taking most of the walking space, so much so you struggled to adjust your position to face him properly.

“…What are you doing here?” 

“What were you doing with that grunt at the party?”

You couldn't believe your ears, settling on a double take as you considered his question carefully, mulling over every word in your mind, as if doing so will finally reveal a secret meaning to it that you couldn't quite understand yet.

“Pardon?” 

“You heard me, kid.”

His words were dry and humourless. There was no levity to them, or to the situation, the room filled with thick tension, and for the first time in your life, you were almost...scared of him. Why did he care?

“I… he… we…”

“That’s what I thought. Why him? If you want someone to mate, I’m sure there’s better options out there.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Jake.”

You started turning around, dizzy from the way his presence was making you feel and tired of giving him so much power to do so. You didn't manage to, though, as his large hand caught your forearm and held you in place, and when you were forcefully turned back to look at him, you saw it all. The hurt. The anger. The... betrayal. The jealousy.

“No, this isn’t how this works. You always ask questions and get me talking about shit I haven’t said out loud in decades, or ever. You’re not going shy on me now, not anymore. So why him?” 

Fuck it.

“Because it’s not you, ok?! Because it can’t be you! And I don’t know if you’ve realised this, but it’s not like I have a line of men willing to mate or even be seen with a human, an alien, a sky demon. So it has to be him! That’s why.” 

“Kid…”

The tears were pooling in your eyes like beaded pearls making your vision blurry, and the struggle with which you've been trying to remove yourself from his grasp finally paid off because you did it, you finally manage to break free, but it was too late. You were exhausted, and you knew it was time to lay it all on the table, once and for all, for him to know, and to disprove, for him to break your heart so you could finally move on.

“No, Jake! You’re in my head, all the time. It’s messing with my mind, the deluded reality I’ve been living in. You talk to me, and you notice me, and you give me attention. You touch me, and you look at me like…”

Soft sobs broke your words apart and let their meaning linger all around you, sounding like infinite echoes in the room. It would all be over soon.

“...Like you want me. And I know you don’t, and I know it’s not real, and it hurts me! So I need something else, I need someone else, I need someone to show me there’s other men out there, to pull me out of this nightm-“

His lips, soft and needy, not at all like you imagined them to be, ceased your pleading words before you got a chance to speak them. It took a second, just one second, for you to understand what was happening, to process the way the kiss was everything you've ever wanted and more than you've ever dreamed about, the way he was desperate and hungry for your touch, for you to reciprocate his feelings... so you did. And you melted under his touch, and before long, the whole world disappeared from view, and there were no consequences to your actions, and all you knew, all you needed... was him.

You were both panting when you finally came up for air, and all you wanted was more. More. A little more. Always more.

“Fuck, kid. You’ve got no idea how much I want you. But I’ll show you.” His hand wandered down your much smaller body, until his large fingers found the knot of your bathrobe, that he skilfully undoes, before sliding them over your soaked folds. “Shit. Look how wet you are for me. Let me show you, please.” 

With a nod, you dropped your head backwards and knew, in your heart, whatever was next would be the beginning of the end, of you, of him, of everything you’ve both worked so hard for and yet, all you felt was unadulterated, heavenly, euphoric bliss. 

Maybe I blame my mother bleeding into my stride Maybe it was my father and his wandering eyes (It's their fault that) I'll always be in your corner 'Cause I don't feel alive 'til I'm burnin' on your backburner

taglist:@yagirlheree @mashiromochi @deepdarktower @tojisleftarm@childofgod-05 @youngpersonaathletebear @cinetrix @hinataashoyos @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream @misscaller06 @v1l-ismissing @legendarynoodlebowl@analuw @imjustcal @the-fractured-eye @pandoraontop @sweetirilly @kouyoumarryme @blxkstar @ok-boke @myheartfollower @the-mourning-moon @pandoraslxna @jakexneytiri @blue-slxt @kingjulian0o9 @erenjaegerwifee @babyduk213 @@toocoldoutsideforyou

[ginnsbaker]

DENTIST READER AND WANDA WAS SO GOOD AND NOW IM THINKING ABOUT IT SO HARD

wanda is actually scared of the dentist because she never really went to one when she was younger between hydra and being in a war torn country and nobody likes the unknown. maybe had bad experiences because either she or pietro(although lets be fair it was probably pietro eating too many sweets or smth) needed to see the dentist but couldn’t as it wasn’t a priority at the time(either due to expenses or the war) so there was some pain which all in all wasn’t pleasant experience. So now she makes extra sure take really good care of her teeth but she can’t deny she has a sweet tooth.

The fluff was perfect exactly what i needed after chapter 17 😂

You could literally make this a whole universe and i would eat this shit up 😂

-🧃

hey dear! thank you so much :*

i love your headcanon lol. it's heartwarming and sad, i think my love for angst is rubbing off on you :D

I strategically published that fluff as a peace offering for what transpired in Chapter 17 part 1 :)

I plan to write more follow ups since it was well-received. gonna make them all wholesome even their first time :D gahhh im excited to write them

[atlanticcanada]

'Im disappointed to lose this building': Barbours General Store in Saint John set to be torn down

Barbour’s General Store in Saint John, N.B., won’t be around to see the city’s newly-developed waterfront.

While an official date has yet to be determined, the historic structure is set for demolition to make way for a new welcome centre at the end of King Street.

“I’m disappointed to lose this building,” says Saint John City councillor David Hickey. “I never wanted us to end up in a situation where that building had to be torn down.”

The decision is more than a year in the making following a fire in January 2022 that has left the building vacant and boarded.

While the structure is on city land, the building is owned by GE Barbour Inc., who determined demolition was the best course of action rather than relocation.

Extensive fire damage is believed to have played an ultimate role in the building’s future.

Once the structure is torn down, a public park area, designed by Brackish Design Studio, will be implemented in the plaza for the remainder of 2023. A permeant site solution will begin the following year.

“What we really want to make sure we are doing is we have public space access while Market Slip and Fundy Quay behind me are under construction,” Hickey said near the site. “Once that public access and Market Slip and Loyalist Plaza is done, then we will be able to move here.”

ACRE Architects have begun work designing a new welcome centre for the area, which is set for construction in 2024. The design concept know as “The EDDY” will create a modern welcome centre complete with public washrooms, among other possibilities.

“It’s really about making this site, which is really the entrance into our uptown for both tourist and locals,” Hickey says. “A spot where people can come together. Where there’s the meshing of the new design of Fundy Quay with the old and our heritage district in really showing what our city has to offer.”

The overall cost of the project between the park space and future welcome centre is tentatively set to come in around $2 million.

While many are excited for the city’s continued growth, some residents say they are sad to see a historic city structure go. Greg Marquis is the board president for the New Brunswick Historical Society and says he learned about Barbour’s future through the media.

“What makes Saint John different from any place else? One of the things is Barbour’s,” says Marquis.

“We may be losing this sort of heritage property that we have had and has been a draw for tourists since 1967," he added.

The University of New Brunswick history professor worked at Barbour’s at one point in his life and says seeing another historical site leave Saint John is troubling for him.

“This issue of the waterfront starting to look like a generic North American waterfront,” he says. “That is one of my concerns - that we just get this generic cookie cutter approach, how is that still Saint John?”

While Hickey acknowledges the sadness of seeing Barbour’s go, he looks forward to witnessing the future of the quickly-growing city.

“I think it’s really exciting,” says Hickey. “It’s really, for me, about finding that balance and finding that right solution for protecting the reason people are in Saint John and the charm of Saint John, while at the same time ensuring we are taking advantage of our growth opportunities.”

There is no set timeline for the completion for any phase of the project. 

For more New Brunswick news visit our dedicated provincial page.

from CTV News - Atlantic https://ift.tt/E1Ts9PU

[avijohann]

If we want the rewards of a completed story we must submit to the mortifying ordeal the story being over