#and im still forced to see shirtless men constantly

[rohirric-hunter]

To what degree can we reasonably expect people to behave properly when bad behavior is and has almost always been the norm?

[primarygrave]

just to fucking clarify my life story since transmeds seem to need to know it in order to deem me worthy of my pronouns

ive known i am trans since i was 11

i Really figured it out when i was 12 and shoved all my hair in a beanie and wrapped my chest in duct tape and felt more right than i ever had

i cut off all my hair when i was 13 under the excuse of donating it to charity, i went in with a picture of john lennon in 1965, they insisted on doing a more feminine style but i didnt care my hair was off

at 13 i said to a group of friends "if i were ever gay itd be because im trans and attracted to men" and didnt fully realize the truth in what i said

at 13 i came out as genderfluid and pan and proceeded to go through several identities until settling on male at 15 and gay at 16

when i was 14 and for half of while i was 15 i heavily forced myself to repress my dysphoria and present feminine because i had feelings for a straight guy

february 1st 2017 i saw tøp in concert and seeing tyler joseph shirtless on stage doing what i want to do with my life made me realize i wanted to be that, i wanted my body to look like that and i wanted to be a musician

in the following week i hacked off my haor with fabric scissors, did a bad job and got my final formal haircut because yet again they refused to give me a guy haircut, started wearing my aliexpress binder regularly like id wanted to since i was 12 and came out to my friends and changed my pronouns to they/he

this whole time i was getting harassed by truscum because my coming out seemed a lot more sudden than it really was for me

in august 2017 i finally changed my name to jason because i couldnt handle the dysphoria from my deadname but i felt so guilty because my dad always wanted a daughter with my deadname

september 2017 i came out to my family, they took it well and planned to take me to the gender clinic for about two weeks

then my dad discovered terfs

and detransitioners

and ROGD

and told me to my face im a delusional butch lesbian and fell for the transcult

october 2017 he went through my things, blamed my at the time best friend who helped me through everything and helped me gain confidence and who is now my boyfriend and the loml for my "self hating delusions"

he took away the internet

he took away my friends

he took away privacy

i had to sleep on my parents bedroom floor

i couldnt keep any food down i became bulimic after years of ana

i carved the word die into my leg

we constantly got into screaming matches

i nearly killed myself, my mom didnt go to work for a week while he was out of town so she could make sure i didnt die

i was sneaking around to contact my friends because i was so alone but my dad would check the router history and scream at me any time i got caught

he actually broke my doorknob doing that once

i got a job at walmart in february 2018 and it was the best thing in the world i gained a support system from my coworkers, i got to live as myself

in march with my first paycheck i bought a phone for myself and it was the most relieving thing in the world to be able to call my bf and see his face and hear his voice again

after that i got good at avoiding my dad and generic teenage shenanigans ensued, my bf moved out to where i was to be with me for 2 months until i moved to hawaii, i snuck out my bedroom window, smoked a ton of weed, figured out im gay and overall was actually happy

then i moved to HI from august to january and now im in AZ job hunting and im tired and isolated and have literally No Friends but you know what its still relatively better im working on moving out on my 18th bday in 3.5 months and starting hormones with planned parenthood and planning out top surgery for february 2020 and im exhausted and depressed but also hopeful cause even though my parents are going to disown me ill have friends and my boyfriend and access to the things i need to finally feel at home in my body and im almost there and im relieved i honestly was planning on killing myself in 2018 but you know ill be okay