#and im so fucking exhausted and stressed by the moving process its the worst

[lovedreamm]

moving into my first apartment today wish me luck

[rotshop]

UGHHH this is so bad. (head in hands) LOOK. look. im sleepy tired and i just needed to warm up w/ something and also took exactly One break during this to grab a dirnk !!! shhh.

-

This was by far the worst situation you could've been in. Nevadean winters were a simple fact of how it was, but that didn't take any of the bite from the freezing winds. Some years, it would be a decent one, there would be a fair amount of hot and cold days and little snow. Not entirely pleasant, but you could work with it with in relative ease. Other years though, the season seemed to just throw it all at you, shoving everything off the shelves and toppling dominoes to see how you'd fair. It was the cruelest whenever those years came about.

This though? This had to be a fucking joke.

The others had already been on edge about the mission, as you and your partner didn't exactly have the best relationship. There'd been several attempts to switch things around so that threat would be eliminated, but ultimately they'd proven fruitless. So, with great reluctance they went along with it, though Deimos had been particularly adamant on you all meeting back up as soon as possible. He'd been especially antsy and anxious as the mission had drawn ever closer, voicing the most concerns and posing the most questions to you. He wasn't the greatest at hiding his worries when it came to those he considered close, you admired that about him.

It was almost funny with how right he'd been to worry about it. Not only had there been far ore agents and mags than expected, there was also jack shit worth taking. Obviously, this had been some sort of trap in an attempt to catch you all off guard. It'd worked, evidently, just not in the way they'd probably expected. At some point or another, it was decided you all had to get out and go. Sanford was far too injured to continue on, 2b was too stressed to think straight, and you and Hank had the luck of getting trapped on the other side of base.

You didn't exactly feel too surprised when you'd been yanked up by the back of your shirt and thrown into the back of a truck, door slamming shut seconds after. You could see a hoard of agents and mags alike nearing closer, unable to tear your gaze away from them even as your partner got in the driver's seat. There was a bit of commotion from them, barking into the comms. about needing to get out and go. You were still too distracted even when they'd begun to speed off, and far too distracted to hear Deimos' confused shouting get cut.

You could tell it was coming, somewhere in between all the pre-existing stress and dread. It was like your own version of getting a headache shortly before it storms, except all it did was tell you you'd be royally fucked for the next day or few. It was always a little too hard for you to decipher exactly how long it would be, a little too fuzzy of a reading for you to say anything accurate on the matter. All you could tell was that it was coming soon, it wouldn't stop just for your less than friendly company.

-

Three days. You'd been stuck driving out here for three days now.

Originally, the plan was to drive off until the agents would give up, turn around, and go back to base to find the others. It'd started off easy enough, the agents chasing after you seeming to lose interest in the hunt after a good while, turning and leaving. You weren't sure why at the moment, but the action had shifted something uncomfortably in your chest. It just felt too easy, too convenient.

You'd soon figured it out when the storm had started to kick in. It didn't seem too bad at first, a minor inconvenience that drew a little grumble and a lean forward in their seat from your companion. Then, it'd worsened and worsened. By this point, neither of you knew where you were. Sure, the anti-aahw had been all over Nevada- but that was just of the Nevada they knew about. It wouldn't be far fetched to suggest you'd both gotten turned around and were now god knows where.

Eventually, it was decided there was no progress that could be made here. You'd both have to either hope for a place to stay or that the car wouldn't fair too uncomfortably. Which, considering the lack of space in it and you with far too little energy to get into an argument, the first would be the blessing of the two. It wasn't too long until your quiet prayers from the back seat had been answered, the faintest of outlines among the storm showing some form of shelter. You could already feel exhaustion settling in, far too quickly for your own comfort. By the time Hank had pulled over to walk in, he'd had to reach into the backseat and tug you by the collar of your shirt with an impatient noise, a gentle encouragement laced with the threat of dragging you out.

You were sure you couldn't have pulled your legs further to your chest than you already had. Your spine was already beginning to set with soon-to-be-aches and cramps as you curled into yourself. You'd attempted to keep yourself as taut as possible, not wanting to look as pathetic as you felt in that moment, half-shaking on the cold hard floor of some abandoned complex. Hank had gone off a while ago, leaving you in the lobby to go look for a room to stay in- a room for him to stay in.

You'd lost track of time, too focused on trying to keep it all together as your mind threatened to go blank and shut down. It was the worst when it was like this, where you could only lay and hope for exhaustion to kick you into sleep at one point or another. Your limbs all felt heavy with weight, uncomfortable with just how impossible it seemed to move them. Every part of your body felt locked up, stuck and stiff how it was when you'd dropped down to the floor. You were at least glad you'd fallen to face the door, able to see the snow falling from your position.

Sure, it was the cause of your current estrangement. Yes, it meant you were stuck with the man who hated your guts with a burning passion. Despite all that, it was still pretty. It was surreal to see the sky something other than a burning red, though that oddness was fully welcomed if it meant a break from that damned color.

You'd been snapped out of your daze by a light nudge to your back, you attempted to summon up a sound of acknowledgement- coming up with nothing. The lack of a response earned another, rougher nudge, shoving against your spine uncomfortably. You'd jumped away from the contact with a little mix of a whine and hiss, head jerking back to meet the eyes of your 'assailant.' Red lenses met your gaze, looming over you from your place on the ground.

"Get off the floor and come with me," it wasn't a request. He'd always been especially bossy with you, a little colder and more detached from you. It didn't take a genius to tell he was on less than stellar terms with you.

You didn't have time to stagger up onto your feet, a hand finding its way to the collar of your shirt to yank you up once more. The world spun around you in a haze as you stumbled forward, attempting to re-balance yourself as best as you could in the short breath you were given. Apparently, it hadn't worked well, you ending up crashing into Hank in the process. He'd barely stirred at the movement, still as a statue despite your disturbance. Distantly, you'd noticed how his hands had moved to your back, keeping you upright. You'd also noticed how they weren't a bruising grip on your form-

"....walk?"

You'd blinked. You had no clue what he'd even asked, did he ask anything in the first place? I mean, you could've totally just imagined it. Maybe you were just dreaming already, it happens sometimes..

"I don't ask questions just for you to not answer. Can you walk?"

You'd opened your mouth to speak, shutting it shortly after. Your tongue was like lead in your mouth and your voice seemed to have gone for a walk. You weren't going to play the chances of you not answering again. Instead, you'd simply given a little nod. He was..surprisingly warm, in all honesty. You found yourself leaning further into him, unconsciously nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck.

He seemed satisfied by the answer, giving a little grunt of acknowledgement before pulling away. You'd caught yourself before you'd fallen, sleep snapping from you momentarily again as reality came back. By the time you found some sort of feelings in your legs again, he was already down the hall, not waiting for you by any means. You were grateful for the little burst of energy that'd found you, stumbling after him quickly.

You were reaching for his arm before you could really even process it, holding onto him once more in a moment of unconscious indulgence. You missed the little curious glance he gave you, and the way he'd pulled his arm (and subsequently you) a little closer to him. Admittedly, you leaning onto him so much did force him to slow down a bit, much to his chagrin. He didn't make any comment about it though. You didn't either, happy to just stay close as you just barely stayed awake enough to continue walking with him.

-

The mattress felt far more comfortable than the floor.

"Better than laying on tile, isn't it?" Came the sarcastic question.

Nevermind, fuck this mattress.

You'd given a little hum, stirring a bit as you got comfortable. You were still curled up as small as you could, some sort of attempt to salvage what little heat you had. The thin fleece blankets didn't offer much relief from the elements, serving more as an empty pressure laying on you. Despite that though, it seemed you were given some mercy, as you were just edging into unconsciousness.

"I'll be in the next room over so don't be loud, alright?"

You'd nodded slowly. There was a pause. There was an abnormally long pause, to be exact. After a few breaths you could hear the clinking of metal and the shuffling of cloth. Curiously, you'd poked your head up, looking at the man over your shoulder in confusion. He'd met your gaze, pausing for the briefest of moments as he tugged his jacket off.

"What're you doin?..." you'd managed, words slurring together drearily.

He'd given a short 'tsk,' continuing his previous ministrations as he answered. "What I'm doing is making sure you don't go into some little coma on me, I'm not carrying your ass around if you pass out that hard. That's on you."

You'd given a little displeased hum at his words, narrowing your eyes slightly at him. He didn't react. Laying your head back down, you'd sighed in some sort of content, peaceful enough in the deteriorating room. You could feel yourself falling asleep, thought slipping from you as you finally found some sot of rest.

Just before you really fell unconscious though, you could feel the weight of a jacket being draped over you. You could've sworn you felt a hand settle on your arm for a moment, tracing a few shapes and lines idly before reluctantly pulling away. You were so sure you heard the faintest of 'Goodnight,'s before the door clicked shut. You could have just been hearing things or dreaming them up, though. You'd just have to ask him about it in the morning.

[kiefbowl]

Hi, im 23 and my boyfriend is 44. We've been together for just over a year and have been good together, we have open communication and mutual respect. I guess I'm just wondering, in your opinion, because I respect you and value your thought processes, if its still wrong or predatory? I love him very much, he seems to love me too. Am I being naive?

Thank you for the appreciation. I’d like to put a caveat up front that I can’t know what your relationship looks like, and the only one who knows what it’s like and how healthy it is is you. Additionally, a relationship can have healthy qualities and unhealthy qualities, and good people can have a bad relationship. Healthy parts doesn’t mean the whole is good. 

No, I don’t think you’re being naive. I don’t think there’s any value judgement to attach to a 23 year old entering a relationship with a 44 year old. It does make my eyebrows raise. I find it extremely difficult to believe a 44 year old and a 23 year old have a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. I don’t think it’s impossible for large age gaps to exist in a healthy relationships necessarily, but when it happens with someone in their 20s, that rings alarm bells to me. Your 20s are still formative years, and it can be hard to see that while you’re living them. There’s a lot of growth you’re going to do before you turn 30. Your career probably hasn’t really taken root yet, your earning potential is going to (probably) increase (maybe even very drastically at some point), you probably don’t really own a lot of stuff and the stuff you own is most likely not all that important to you or of good quality, you’re still young enough to be under your parents insurance, your credit is likely not that great (not that it’s bad, but age of credit lines is a big factor in your credit score), among other admin things that might not seem that big of a deal but do help you form an identity. When I was 23, my responsibility as a consumer was nonexistent because I was poor, at points unemployed, at points living at home...it’s only in the past few years I could start challenging myself to live up to my values and a sense of character that’s important to me as a consumer because I can move around the world more freely. It comes with money, but also career position. So that’s one aspect of being 23...

The other aspect of being 23 is you are very, very, very young, and even without a lot of money it can be very fun to be very, very, very young. It can be a lot of fun being older, too. I’m not old, by any means, but from this point in my life looking forward I’m much more excited to get older than I was at 23. At 23 I dreaded it because it felt like I was running out of time to be young. You get older and you learn to accept it and you realize how much in your life can change in a short time and you realize there’s wisdom, position, and status to gain in each decade of your life. Obviously, not every one is fortunate and not everyone is going to have increasing good fortune as they age, but regardless of what you make or do, you learn and grow as you get older, and I think it’s easier to appreciate as your enter your 30s. So don’t worry about getting older, but let me tell you 23 is FUN. 

23 was also the worst year of my life. I couldn’t afford chicken nuggets. But my friends and I were also working a crummy starbucks job that gave me almost no responsibility. I would wake up at 11, smoke weed and eat cereal, watch netflix, walk to work, work 2:30 - 11, then go out to a bar with my friends and eat cheap wings until 2 am, go home and play with my cat and go to bed literally whenever in an apartment with no furniture to take care of. I’d be off on a random weekday and grab another random friend who was off to go on day trip in their shitty car to Milwaukee for the hell of it, or go take a long walk on the beach listening to music all day, or go downtown and go to a museum on a discount day because no one was there, or ride my bike in the summer sun to nowhere in particular in the middle of the day because people were at work, and then come back home and do fuck all. Then I’d do it all again, plus steal croissants from work and drink endless coffee all day. And it didn’t matter, I could wake up the next day energized. Yes, I was stressed out, and I didn’t always appreciate the joy that can be found in that life because of it also sucked ass, but the energy and fortitude you have as a young 20 something is a beautiful thing to live through. I wouldn’t go back to that life now having the space I’ve made myself in the world, but I love thinking back to it and I’m glad it happened. I had to work really really hard to carve my little place in the world (and I’m not done yet!!), but there was a moment right before I hit the pavement to make that happen where my life felt endless, fresh, uninhibited, palpable. 23 has a different freedom than 30 for me. Money allows me to move in the world freely at 30, time allowed me to move in the world freely at 23. At 23, you can do dumb things, party, hang out, be lazy, be reckless, make quick decisions, change your mind...and it’s good, not bad. It’s learning, and it’s fun. It’s celebration, and it gives you hard lessons worth learning.

A relationship is a lot of responsibility, and it can take the place of some of that youthful freedom. That’s not always a bad thing, love can be very fulfilling. When you’re strapped for cash, it can also be financially helpful. Two 20-somethings joining forces can get each other on their feet to be independent at a time it’s a struggle to do it alone. You’re in the same boat, you have the same struggle. But a 44 year old isn’t experiencing life the same way you are. And believe me, 44 year olds know that. A litmus test to to your bf’s intentions might be how he talks about that fact. Does it ever come up? Does he speak about it freely? Does he laud it over you or do you share experiences with each other like companions?

This isn’t the only factor to consider when trying to figure out if your bf is “predatory” in your words. Who your boyfriend may be and his intentions aren’t the only thing to consider when you want to figure out if you should be in a relationship with him. Who YOU are is equally important. I don’t know a 23 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. I don’t know a 24 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. I don’t know a 25 year old who wasn’t different the very next year. Maybe that’s true for every year, but the differences between my life one year to the next between 20 - 26 were striking. I walked out on two jobs when I had nothing in my bank account simply because “fuck this”....this year I was terrified to lose my job because what about my retirement fund. I work for “the man” now when 6 years ago I caused a mass walk out at work. I’m probably not going to have a radically different life next year. That wasn’t true of my early 20s. The switch from “my life is a mess but it can be anything” to “next year I should start a will and keep care of my assets” happens quicker than you think. Is he letting you live that life right now? Is he encouraging it? Believe me, you can be a mess at any age (and it can be a fun mess, too), and you aren’t old at 30 or even 40 or honestly even 50, you’re just not as tided to things in your 20s. Is he clipping your wings to be kept, or is he letting you fly recklessly into the sun just so you can see how far is too far? You just can’t get 23 back. It’s a lot harder to crash and burn and then pop back up without a scratch after your 20s. Does he want to crash and burn with you? Will he even let you without him? Does he know if you go out into the world young and messy you might learn a lesson or two that makes won’t make him appealing to you anymore? Is his love coming from a place where he wants you to thrive by your own mistakes? Is he excited to watch you walk out the door to take on a new day blind but fearless, just so you can come home and tell him the adventure you took and how it changed you? Or does he find that childish, exhausting, unfitting? Does he want to see you grow into “his” adulthood? Does he need you to fit into his established life more than he wants to live and work beside your unestablished life? I couldn’t even date someone younger with your age difference. They would be 8. But would I tell an 8 year old not to learn to ride a bike because I can just give them a ride in my car, or would I tell them it’s worth learning even though I know they’re going to scratch their knees up? If I loved an 8 year old, I know to see them thrive they have to scratch their knees up a little and I can’t get in the way of it, or they might not learn to ride their bike to take long rides in the summer sun. 

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

anyone wanna hear the story of how i found out supernatural was ending and proceeded to have the worst morning of my life?

(super-excessive rambling ahead. do not read the whole of it.)

so i don't remember the date but it was the day of my english 10th board exam. boards are like a series of subject finals, kinda the biggest exams conducted in a student's education in india, plus they're nationalized. so yeah, a massively big deal, and obviously the first thing i do waking up on this massively important day is open tumblr. there are about seventy messages and i'm confused cause i think i barely "talked" to ten people back then, but before i've even checked them out, the first post i see is a textpost about how the longest running joke universally across fandoms is that 'spn has been going on way too long and needs to end' but now that it is ending, all people can do is cry about it. for some reason, i don't process that post as fact™, assuming they mean a general "ending" instead of a "j2m announced last season" ending. anyways i move on to my messages, and all of them are people who've freaking the fuck out for at least a few hours (the advantages of being in a timezone different from of most people) and i go to my activity, still stunned, and someone's tagged me in a meta of some kind, and i check it out completely dazed and it's got gifs (already!) of the three of them standing there with teary eyes and jensen actually saying the words everyone had been screaming about in the chats, and it finally hits me that it's ending, supernatural is ending, it's going to be OVER, and it's already been decided when. obviously, the tears start, and literally crying in my bed, still under the comforter, i think i watched the video twice, without headphones in fact, which is extremely weird because i virtually NEVER do that, but as if anything else mattered at the moment!

i don't remember what all i felt in those moments but one of the thoughts that REALLY stood out was that i wish, wish, wish it lasted just one more year — so maybe supernatural could end at the same time as highschool ended for me, and it'd feel like the end of a phase of my life, but no, according to what they predicted (and not even kidding, now it's even worse) supernatural was going to end smack in the middle of senior year for me, obviously a super important, super stressful year, and god, i wished so hard it'd just go on ONE MORE YEAR somehow but look what happened now it's ending like three months before my college entrance exams and the competitive engineering exams and shit which is just absolutely perfect because it's doing wonders to my attention span and mental health and yeah i'm getting off topic i'm gonna come back to the topic now

it's two am rn and i'm weirdly tired of typing so what happens next is fucking wild, but i'm gonna hurry because i need to go cry some more into a pillow or a ao3 tab or something. so like a whole HOUR later i get up from bed. i've got to get dressed and shit, most important exam of my life YET and everything. so i start brushing, obviously scrolling through tumblr, obviously failing to not cry, and my mum walks in, and she doesn't know a thing about supernatural (even if she did, she would consider the idea of me crying over them announcing an ending RIDICULOUS) so she just assumes i'm sniffling and tensed up because i'm STRESSED and she tries reassuring me like i need fucking reassurance for ENGLISH of all things. anyway anyway anyway i have maggi for breakfast i think and i'm still pretty out of it and stuff but i get dressed in my uniform and put on the fucking blazer though its HOT outside but i like wearing the school blazer for exams but i underestimated how much of a physically draining effect the news and reacting to it would have on me, so then there's me sweating literal buckets and then we set off.

we're already late in leaving the house (why, i don't remember) and once we're at the centre, and my parents have dropped me off and wished me luck, i go to the gate, right. and THEN the guard gestures to my uniform and tells me i'm missing my fucking class ID. now i know i'm late so i panic on cue because shit shit shit i'm gonna be even more late, and i legit turn and look for mum and dad (we weren't allowed to carry our mobiles for the test) and what i see is that they've reversed the car and are about to drive out the gate and obviously my brain isn't really working so i fucking RUN AFTER THE CAR, like, i'm really not an athletic person, i avoid running as much as i possibly can, and i fucking lose my shit and chase the car down in like ten seconds of running cause it's only like ten metres away actually but the highlight of it all is that i run. in a public space. unprompted. with a shitload of emotions and anxiety and panic, and i basically almost sob in relief when dad immediately stops the car and pretty much pulls me in and tells me to stop worrying cause the house is like ten minutes away and i might miss the general waiting part and stuff but i wasn't gonna miss the exam. so THEN we start driving back and obviously because they are who they fucking are, they start arguing about which of them is at fault for this and who was supposed to check in on me carrying my seriously important ID and other crap, and then obviously they're yelling and that does even more wonders for my state of practically hysteria, but i hold it together until we get home and i get the ID (which is on the bed, probably was under my blazer or something) and we set back off, and i know we're late, and i know supernatural is ending, and i know it's going to take a part of me really, and mum and dad just won't stop yelling at each other about god knows what, and i manage to squeeze in the first time in SO many years that i cry in front of my parents right there in the backseat, and they're sort of stunned because i really don't cry (in front of people) and then there's just me losing it in a mixture of helplessness and nerves and anger for some reason and just. whoa.

ANYWAYS we get to the centre (in time for the exam, but like fifteen minutes later than i SHOULD have gotten there) and dad talks to the teacher and stuff and it works out because obviously it's a really important exam they're not going to make me skip it, and i go straight to my classroom — also did i mention these exams aren't held in our own schools but like, different test centres, so basically a different room and desk each day in a different school from mine, ugh, i hate new places — and i find out i have the FIRST bench of the second column which lowkey sucks because it's too public really, but at least my best friend's sitting like diagonally from me on the left, and my friends are basically sprinkled around the classroom as well and i see them eyeing me worriedly cause they were scared i might miss the exam but also because i was a MESS with bloodshot eyes and an outofit look in them and did i mention i was sweating like a dog all this time wearing a blazer because i'm just that idiot because yeah.

so then i calm myself down the best i can. sitting under a fan helps, taking off my stupid blazer helps, and seeing dish (beforementioned best friend) helps — because apparently she heard about the ending too (she's not in the fandom she just keeps up with news for my sake, yes, im very lucky to have her) and tries to cheer me up about it, but then it's time for the paper, and they give them out and...yeah.

three hours later, the exam ends, and i step out of that hall the most mentally exhausted i've been in YEARS. also i swear off tumblr until i've had lunch and napped and stuff because i was also functioning on extremely little sleep but i really think that part was obvious.

as it goes, i ended up getting a 95% in that paper :)

but to this date, my sister jokes about how i ended up getting my personal least marks of that year in english of all subjects which was supposed to be of my strongest suit heh all because of a six-ish minute video released in a different part of the world about something that wasn't even going to happen that year...and like. yeah.

that's it.

that's the story.

[mingjue]

give us the good werewolf!! i Must Know More

HEEHEE...............

ok BASICALLY, this will obviously be focused on Qinghe/the nie bros, so just for ref

Nie - Werewolf

Lan - Satyr

Jin - Elven

Jiang - Mermaid/Waterfolk

Wen - Draconic

WWX is vampire bc hes stupid and gay

Mingjue is half Elven, but you wouldn’t think he was asides from the big ears, Huaisang is full ‘wolf; jgy is elven/dryad; Wen Qing & Wen Ning are draconic/waterfolk

(For those who see this in the tags, this isn’t Om*g*v*rse or A/*/O do NOT touch this if u like that shit)

NOW, for actual werewolf content

The way the pack works in Qinghe is still pretty similar to clans in canon, just slightly different

Mingjue and his direct family are the head family Of Course, and they secure this position via duels/fighting should another family want to take over; these duels are common under stressful times, but Mingjue has been able to keep it held down. 

The duels are like.....scheduled ahead of time, and are held in a secure area; the rules are that you can’t kill your opponent, that if you win you must treat the wolf who lost, + only the wolf who challenged the leader can fight, no one else (and vice versa, only the leader can fight) can join in, And More

like you cant aim for vitals, use teeth beyond taunting, fights cant be scheduled during/near full moons, and the fighters must choose whether they will both fight in humanoid form or wolf form

 Clan elders supervise the fight, and have selected specific soldiers that will help break up the fight if anything goes wrong; doctors are also on stand by bc these fights get BLOODY (esp w mingjue)

Huaisang nearly loses his position after pretty much being back-to-back challenged for his position, which instilled the rule that duels can only happen three times a year. He’s managed to win his duels with his own tricks, but they can still end pretty bloody

Ranking is not much different due to the clans wanting consistency (also im stupid and gay)

The nies end up becoming the most medically advanced due to how dangerous shifting is; they develop medications to ease pain, different magic stuff to control body temperature, etc. etc.

and actually the Nies are known for being pretty wolves

TYPICALLY a fully shifted wolf during a full moon aren’t the prettiest things to look at; most commonly their fur is patchy, their limbs are obviously distorted, faces look mutilated in a sense, all that

BUT, due to advances in cultivation & medicine they’re able to be calm after a shift, so they’re able to keep up w personal hygiene LMAO

Mingjue personally is almost obsessive with keeping his fur a certain way to be both 1. Handsome :) 2. intimidating as hell; he has the advantage of getting rlly thick hair from his Elven side, so his pelt is flush. but he also leaves some of it “messy” and puffed out for the intimidation bit

huaisang keeps his completely brushed n smooth and he’s usually nested in his bed when he shifts. he was also blessed with the fullness in his pelt, but his chest/belly and thighs are more ‘bare’ compared to mingjue.

they also braid what parts of the fur they can; mingjue and huaisang have LOTS of braids as usual

ALSO the most common pelt color is black with white/lighter pelts being on the uncommon side, second most common are dark creams/browns/reds with black snouts/heads/legs/etc. 

Mingjue has ruddy brown + black snout/legs/all that; Huaisang has brown w black ticked (i have NO idea what the dog term is for that, its like the tips of the fur is black??) 

both have bright amber/yellow eyes

ALSO THEIR TAILS...........

ok. PRIMARILY. they dont have tails in human form, BUT, it’s possible, and it’s something that puppies/young disciples will usually let show??

Mingjue ONLY shows his tail when hes in private with someone close, like Huaisang or Xichen, and he Knows they won’t be walked in on. He just has this Thing where he’ll be fucking humiliated if someone else saw it. he also has rlly long fur on his tail so its PRETTY, he just thinks its childish

Huaisang on the other hand kept his tail out until he became the sole leader of the pack, save for like, banquets he attended with Mingjue bc mingjue would tell him to Quit It.

getting rid of a tail is an hour long process so mingjue has to watch the time to get huaisang before they go anywhere

if theres no time to hide a tail, tuck it in ur pants so it doesn’t move and hide it under layers

just. a tail in humanoid form is a different context than just seeing it when they’re shifted, and again a sign of childishness.

puppy ears in human form can also happen but it’s discouraged heavily because of the possibility of damaging ear canals.

OH ALSO, another reason why like, the nie clan has that GIANT ass wall surrounding its city, is because they go on total lockdown during full moons. 

puppies are a fucking MESS to deal with, and they run like. constantly. If they’re still it’s because they’re either eating something or they’ve passed out from exhaustion. Huaisang was a TERROR when he was a puppy and mingjue still has a scar on his arm from when he went ballistic from pent-up energy

SO! There’s different parts of the city where puppies and young wolves can run around, destroy shit, eat whatever, wrestle each other, all that, and they’re HEAVILY supervised by elders/adult wolves who have better control of themselves during fullmoons

the only wolves who can leave the area during a fullmoon are Mingjue and Huaisang, and maybe like, a really well-respected elder or two, but that’s it

and despite popular belief this is actually the WORST time to attack Qinghe. Every wall is guarded, everyone��is in a state where they can mutilate someone thats usually considerably stronger than them in human form, and Everyone is on high-alert whether they’re destroying a tree or nearly unconscious

theres also areas in the city sealed off for weaker/sickly wolves who are taken care of by capable adults, citizens of other species, all that

full moons aren’t hated in qinghe! they’re quite fun if you’re a werewolf; the areas for Going Ham are usually packed with different stuff u can mess with, you just have to watch ur back

they also aren’t that violent bc again, intense supervision by elders and the like; and they’re becoming more and more festival like with cultivation and medical advancement

then of course, the sword situation is still very much the same; my version of werewolves are like, slightly allergic to silver, but piercing one or having silver near won’t kill a wolf. the most it will do is give them a rash :/

all of their jewelry/accessories are made out of different metals because of this, esp since Qinghe is rich with that (+jewels/gems bc i love that hc so much)

THENNN i think last thing for now, they DO wear some form of clothing in wolf form, MOST of the time

typically there’s enough fur to cover privates, but its not unusual for there Not to be enough fur, so there’s specially made hanfu for full moons that are custom made for each wolf

basically being a seamstress in Qinghe will Get You Places, bc tears will happen, people will want them adjusted if they’re passing them to another family member, fashion choices, etc. etc.

Mingjue normally wears really simple hanfu and dachangs (the like, over-robe thing), but xichen bought him a specially made hanfu that he likes to wear during really important events, should he be in wolf form :)

huaisang buys new full moon hanfu every few months He Likes To Sit And Feel Pretty By Himself............(Or Maybe For Jiang Cheng If He Visits..........)

[the-accidentals]

Chapter 1

Laura walked in through the door of her shoddy apartment, the lights flickering on as she slumped down on her stained sofa, she wanted to order takeaway but knew she didn't have the money, life was way to expensive and this week had been a pile of horse shit if any one had been, her car was in the garage after it broke down a couple days ago, the bill was so high she would need to not eat for a month. Before getting off shift today she had seen a family of five burn, only 2 getting out alive, a baby and the father. She tried to not let her job get to her but fighting fires was the easiest part, watching the families as they realise that not everyone made it is the worst, you can feel the guilt in the air. We are trained to move on, you can't take every death personally or it kills you from the inside but whenever i see a family torn apart so abruptly the worry stays on my heart, seeing happy families destroyed was definitely the worst part of her job but laura still loved the job and everyone struggles with it so she just tries to leave the worry at work,but today it followed her home, there was just something about today, the fire had started in the oldests room, probably faulty electrics, she was barely out of primary school, just starting to think she was a grown up, it had already killed the middle kid by the time anyone realised and the mother just breathed in to much smoke, it was come and go for a bit but in the end she didn't even make it to the hospital. A happy family reduced to two, a morning father and a 2 month old girl, how she survived I don't know. All that innocence and such young lives torn away so quickly.

Laura stood up shaking her head, it's not good to stay focused on the bad things, noodles and beer and an early night and she can sort everything else out in the morning.She has parents she can beg for money,they won't be happy but they wont let her starve,she just wishes she didn't have to call. For tonight she resigned herself to the sofa with a bottle of cheap beer and some veg noodles, strolling through the internet. Eventually the sun was long gone and the shame came creeping back, she was sitting here running from her responsibilities with beer, noodles and a blanket around her, just trying to hide away on the internet, she was a grown woman, an adult. She closed down reddit and opened her emails, this was an adult thing, she could clear her inbox. Ad,ad,ad,scam,ad,ad, important thing she should of replied too, she was trying to be grown up but that was slightly too grown up, ad, bank statement, don't want to look at that, oh nice easy one, the unit chief is trying to set up a quiz night, he needs to know when i'm free, i can do that. After a couple minutes of checking her calendar, which was embarrassingly empty she had formed an adult but chill response. There! She had been an adult, she had written an email and deleted a few more. She scanned over the rest hoping they could wait a few more days until a quiet moment at work, one caught her eye, an email from a trial company, she did a couple of studies a few years back to get some extra cash and extra cash was just what she needed, she looked into it, it was a medical study looking into a mental health drug, they needed people with diagnosed mental illness so she knew she would fit right in. Drug trials were not her thing but the pay was pretty good, two injections a week, £50 each, it lasted 12 months but you could leave whenever, just under £5,000 for the whole year, she probably wouldn't hang on that long but long enough that she could fix her beat up honda and still eat. Honestly how could she resist? The testing facility was a 15 minute walk away from the fire station as well. Fuck me if was perefect, no nagging from anyone about “being an adult” and “looking after your finances”. Laura finally went to bed that night, slightly tipsy, exhausted but slightly less stressed.

Laura had 2 days until she got paid and she had her first appointment for the trial today, it was a rolling study so there was no set start date. She had promised steve, the mechanic down the road, that he would get paid the bill as soon as she got paid so that he would carry on working with no money upfront, to be honest he totally owned lorna one, she had set him up with an ex of hers about a year back and she had never seen him happier. She walked up to a little privately owned clinic that she had never noticed before, it was smart but felt way to clinical, the lights were so bright it burnt and like all of these places the smell of cleaner was so strong you could taste it, she popped her phone into the pocket of her oversized jacket as she came to the front desk, the lady at the desk looked he up and down, I suppose she didn't really look like she belonged, it didn't look like a cheap sort of place.” hi i'm here for the trial, umm laura burmwell” laura muttered into the ground,she hated reception staff, they always seemed super judgy and this lady was no different, she tapped away at her screen for a few very awkward moments and sighed, pointing me to a section of chairs near the back. Pulling her earphones out she landed in a seat.

“Dont worry she wasn't very nice to me either” a voice chucked next to her, a small grinning woman sat there tapping on her phone, laura smiled back, she was gorgeous, long black hair down to her waist, out shining laura’s dirty blonde mess any day.

“ I’m glad she doesn't just hate me” Lorna joked, internally panicking. Why is such a cute woman actually talking to me? She suddenly felt amazingly underdressed, she was sat next to a stunning women who was clearly ready to go to work in a nice yellow dress and a jacket and she is there look like a gay hobo, hair up in yesterdays bun and a t shirt that has dinosaurs on it, at she is wearing smartish jeans. “I’m laura, are you here for the study?” she smiled.

“Preet, yeah, i'm hoping they can cure the fuckery going on in my head before the end of it” she chuckled but I could see the blush forming over her skin as she processed what she had said, Laura just snorted, tapping her leg on the linoleum floor, trying to think of something to say, her mind in overdrive.

“ nervous?” Preet questioned.

“i just haven't been in a drug trial for years, what if I grow four heads or something?” She joked, Preet actually burst out laughing, tears starting to form in her eyes, which got Laura laughing too, they just sat there trying to hide there laughter from the rest of the very serious looking members of the waiting room, finally after about 5 minutes they both calmed down enough to speak, laughter still glistening in their eyes.

“ but seriously these drugs will of been tested for years before it gets to these sorts of tests, its perfectly safe, they are just proving it and checking out side effects, im sure you wont grow any more heads.” At that moment Preets name was called over the speaker system, Secretly both of them were hoping they had been forgotten about so they could sit here and chat all day but neither of them said it.

“See you later Laura” Preet called as she picked up her stuff and started to follow the now waiting nurse.

Lorna went back to her music, trying to pull a stupid grin off her face.

1941- September 5th

I walked into surgery, on the bench was the patient, a young soldier, barley 19. He was burning up. Nurse Weber was standing there, trying to cool him down while setting up. He had a gun wound that was starting to get infected and the bullet had yet been removed. We set to work, removing infected tissue and finding bits of the shattered bullet but further we got the more futile it became, he kept losing blood and nothing we could do would keep his temperature down, he was pretty much dead in front of us. The nurse looked up, exhaustion in every wrinkle in her face, defeat in her eyes, im sure she had been on duty when he came on, over 10 hours earlier. With an air of defect I started sawing him up, giving him a dose of penicillin and covering the wound with gauze. I doubt he would make the night but we had tried. I removed my bloodied gloves and left. Hoping to be able to rest now. My eyes started over at the dying children and men who fill the halls. when will the war end, when will the suffering stop, have not enough died for the righteous cause? I started towards the boards, I was still on duty for another few days before I could head home. As i passed through the corridors i passed a officer asking about his son, every has someone fighting in this war to end all wars, he came to a halt in front of me desperately asking for his sons conduction, i had treated him when he first got brought in, he was going to make it but he no longer had a left leg, a bomb had hit near trench and had impaled his leg. As he quickly dismissed me, relief clear on his face, you could clearly see the shine on his Swastika pin. “Heil Hitler” I murmured as he marched away into the chaos

This is the first part of a longer story and my first time doing any serious writing, any advice welcome! I know it isn't perfect but I tried so I hope you enjoy it xx

[klrkwall]

Ribbon red

— his organs are ripped to ribbons, he has flirted and danced with death.

garrett hawke accepts the arishok's duel.

fenhawke, hurt/comfort. 

trigger warnings: mentions of gore, 

i finished this at the ass crack of dawn so theres probably errors enjoy im crying

Fenris watches in horror as the lyrium blue magic surrounds Hawke and his wounds, Anders exhausting himself to heal Garrett to the best of his ability. The mage was exhausted, falling once again to his hands and knees.

Still – the new Champion lays there, bones crushed and fingers lost, wounds to leave nasty scars for the rest of his life, he was barely hanging onto his life and all Fenris would do was watch. Merrill pipes in. “Is.. Is there anything I can do?” Fenris immediately answers. “No. Do not attempt to help Hawke with your blood magic. It will kill him and perhaps everybody else in this place.” Anger was clear in his voice, but so was desperation.

He was desperate, desperate for Hawke to make a fast recovery like he normally did with any injuries. Yet, faith was leaving him – stubbornly, as he watches his amatus lay on the ground of the place where he fought the Arishok. Hawke’s face was bashed in, from when the Arishok bashed his weapon in his face when Hawke had attacked him from the front – surprising him after a smoke bomb. Red almost looked to be his new skin color as blood bled from his nose and mouth, his eye was basically glued shut with skin and oozing blood, his eyeball was pushed so far back in his head, it may never recover, Anders quickly predicted.

Bones. Hawke’s ribs were crushed, most – if not all, broken. His right arm was twisted the wrong way, clearly broken as well. Although in rough shape, his legs were fine. The worst areas were probably the Champion’s torso, hand and eye. Fenris shudders, goes back to biting whatever nails he had left when flashes of Hawke and the Arishok’s battle intruded his head.

The Arishok and Hawke were doing a dance, Hawke immediately is swept off the ground by the Arishok’s weapon piercing him through the stomach, ribboning his organs. Garrett coughs, splatters blood staining the weapon and his chin from his wheezing. In the air, the Arishok is squinting and Garrett very quickly glances at the ash shade eyes before ehe Arishok whips his body around, yanking his weapon out of Hawke who fell to the hard ground, howling loudly from the impact and the increasing pain in his stomach.

The dance was not over, The Arishok simply had one of his few dips with Hawke.

Isabela – the original reason for this whole catastrophe, brings the exhausted healer back up with her arms and supports him with her side. “Don’t you fall asleep now!” With the motivation, electrifying healing auras leave his hands and he focuses on Garrett’s torso. The magic made the pain decrease in small amounts, running blood became dry stains to his armor and wounds held as best together they could be.

Hawke is on the ground, quickly recovering from the blow he took, he is swift to get up but not swift enough as the Arishok’s weapon comes swinging down, catching Hawke’s hand in its grasp and burns through the skin, the muscle and through the bone. Three of Hawke’s fingers and half of his thumb flies off, scattered along the floor of the Viscount’s office.

He shouts in pain, but is not slowed as he just fights with more menace. His bite was worse then his bark.

Fenris looks away from his stomach, the gory scene slowly got to him – perhaps it was because it was Hawke who was laying in the pool of blood, near death with ribbon organs. Instead, he focuses his attention on Garrett’s hands. The hand Fenris could see better was the one in worst shape. Three fingers were absent, in their leave were ripped open wounds into Garrett’s hand, half of his thumb was missing. His fingers were somewhere in this very room.

It was the same hand that lightly grabbed the night he left.

“Fenris…” His name was a plea. Fenris didn’t turn his head around, just stood up from the bed and fastened the belts on his complicated armor. “Please, Hawke.”

His arm is grabbed at, Fenris jumps slightly – on alert and looks down to see it’s Hawke’s hand who is grabbed around his wrist. “Please, just look at me for a moment. A moment is all I ask.” Fenris owed him that, he’s convinced. He turns his head and looks at the vulnerable Fereldan.

The words do not come out easy like they always did. “I…. Will I see-“

Fenris nods. “I will follow you everywhere, Hawke.” The promise is well kept, he followed Hawke everywhere when he asked – and not asked.

Garrett’s hand twitches, blood that glued his hand down to the floor stubbornly coming up. From the simple few twitches, it is clear Hawke is fighting. He is fighting to stay alive.

Anders exhales deeply, withdrawing his hands away from Hawke’s stomach. “There is permanent damage, but I have done all I can with his torso. Fool is lucky I’m as good of a healer as I am.” Anders is doing the best he can, Fenris knows that – yet he can only feel bitterness as he takes his news with a spoonful of salt, a moment to brag about himself.

“And his eye?” Anders sighs – that is all Fenris needs to know in order to not get his hopes up, not that he does anyway. The Warrior walks over and crouches down next to Garrett. His good eye is slit open, the familiar moss green eye is comforting to Fenris who softly smiles down at Garrett who he hopes sees it as it disappears seconds after. “What is the plan now?” Fenris asks with a stern tone, eager to move past this process.

Anders wasted no time in answering, he had this down to a system. It was alarming to some but to Fenris, it was comforting. He may have personal disliking towards the mage, but he was glad Garrett was being healed by somebody who knew what he was doing. The chances of a good recovery were higher, thanks to the mage. Fenris would be thankful for that, at another time.

“I will need help to carry Hawke to his house, I would prefer not to continue healing here.”

Merrill chirps in. “I can help!” Anders takes note, of Merrill’s much smaller body but smiles. “I will probably need you to carry him halfway, my body is exhausted and I need all the energy I can get to continue healing him.” He turns his attention to Fenris.

Without being asked or told to, Fenris volunteers. “I will help carry him, let us be off.”

“AH - ! FUCK! Maker’s balls!” Garrett howls, blood curdling to his friends in his home (and the neighbors, Hawke predicts.) Merrill had slipped, Hawke’s freshly broken arm banged against his wall. Merrill winced in remorse and sympathetic pain. “I apologize, Hawke!” He understands, Garrett truly does he just can’t bring himself to nod or say anything else now, everything hurt too much. His body was on fire.

Fenris finished carrying him up the stairs, Anders lending himself as support for the warrior and gently laid Garrett down on his bed. “A king…” Garrett groans. His friends look puzzled, exchanging silent questioning gazes with each other. It’s Varric and Fenris who know what hes trying to say and both smile, Fenris rolling his eyes.

“If this is your idea of being treated like a king, I would hate to see how you look if you were treated like a peasant, Hawke.” Varric laughs, yet it is shortlived when Anders interrupts. “Alright, I need everybody to please give me space to finish the healing process.”

They all step back – and watch as Anders exhausts himself for long hours, collapsing multiple times as he did before.

It is late into the night when Anders is finally finished. He steps back and wipes his forehead, turning to face Fenris. “He.. is damaged for good.” Alright – the bad news was out on the table. Fenris would help Garrett cope with the permanent damage. He would be there for him when nobody was there for himself when his body – and mind – had permanently changed.

“Alright. So, what exactly did you heal?”

“The organs… that the Arishok chopped up as if it was his fine end of the week dinner-“ Fenris rolls his eyes as the joke, clearly unamused as he awaits for Anders to finish. “No sense of humor. Tsk, Hawke will need that when he wakes up,” A thought comes to him. “I suppose it wouldn’t matter anyway, it isn’t like you’ll be sticking around. You’ll be running right home, yes?”

Fenris drops the glass of water he is holding, stepping towards Anders and slits his eyes into a squint to intimidate him. “Mage.” He warns. “It is of no concern of what I will be doing, I will be assisting Hawke with what he needs for the next little while. Now please, for the love of the maker. Tell me, what. Did. You. Fix?” He was on his last nerve, the constant pressure and questions from Anders about his and Hawke’s relationship pushed him further to the edge. Some days Fenris wouldn’t entertain Anders with an answer, just ignore him and continue walking. Other days, he’d snap and say it was none of his business and that he regrets his actions, but it was for the good. But today, he simply had no patience. The man he loved had flirted and even danced with death today, and now lay perhaps barely alive in his bed upstairs and Anders just kept. Pushing. Buttons.

“Alright, alright! His organs are delicately back together, but any wrong movement that stress them could rip them open again. Think of it like an unwelcoming present from your mother you don’t want to open. His arm’s bone is also delicately healed, he must be careful to not strain it. His ribs, healed, may have trouble breathing a little bit.” Anders finishes, turning his back to walk out the door. The eyebrow over Fenris’s left eye raises, he calls after Anders.

“What about his eye?” Anders sighs quietly, regret hits him along with the exhaustion. He only turns his head, avoiding eye contact with Fenris. “The… eyeball was too far back, the Arishok did too much damage to it and long story short, it isn’t there anymore.” He cringes internally at the words of the gore he had watched for the past few hours as he finally verbalizes it.

Fenris comes to the realization. “He… He is blind?” He asks quietly, gently. Anders nods. “I.. am afraid so, his other eye is fine. The other one is lost, I’d be careful not going in there if you have a queezy stomach. His right eye is all bloody, it’s gross.”

“Thank you, Anders.”

And with that, Anders left to head back to Darktown in the dead of night.

Hawke sleeps through the last few hours of the night, Fenris sits at the end of the bed and listens to the soft whimpers as Garrett accidentally hits a sensitive spot – or his eye hurts.

Fenris sneaks a glance at the injured Champion, he feels two things. Regret and disgust. He regrets not stepping in, slaying down the Arishok himself. He understands the formality of a duel and the Arishok was a very formal – and by the book, man. Yet, Garrett laid here with permanent damage to him and Fenris regrets not coming in, perhaps he could’ve minimized the damage. Perhaps, but he will never know. He feels utter disgust, these towns citizens have all just been saved by the Champion and they do not give a damn that he lays here, barely clinging to life these past agonizing, hell filled hours. They just care that they are all saved.

Fenris lays a hand on Hawke’s torn leg that still wore torn, damaged armor.

“I am proud of you. Thank you.” He slowly dozes off near the end of the bed, beside Hawke, resting just against his back.

Morning comes quick, sunshine pools into the windows and it wakes Fenris before Hawke. Fenris slowly gets up, holding his yawn in and rubs his eyes. Getting up, he walks straight to the windows and pulls the velvet curtains over, shielding the sun away. He then heads downstairs, to make some sort of meal for Garrett.

He makes the meal with ease, Bodahn and Sandal helping him prepare the small breakfast. Garrett is awake, the memory of the day before intrudes his head as he looks around his room – the view only being taken in one way. “Maker…” He groans. Everything hurts, pain is shooting through his body and his head throbs like hell. Like every morning, he brings his good hand up to his face and rubs one eye – then the other and howls.

“Maker’s balls!” He shouts, pulling his hand away and sees dried blood flutter against his skin. Horrified, he glances around the room again and notices his hand on the just healed arm was missing three fingers and half his thumb. His throat goes dry, sweat rapidly grows from his forehead and runs down, words croak out. “Wh… What the f..fuck?!” He attempts to shoot his body up, howling once more in pain as he realizes he isn’t a god, he’s a man who had just got his ass beaten by the Arishok and was needed to have a few days rest.

Fenris walks in, followed by a concerned Bodahn who was holding the meal they had prepared for over an hour. Seeing Hawke was awake and in clear pain, looking horrified, Fenris rushes over and crouches down next to him. Fenris comes to a quick realization that tears are coming down from the clouds of Garrett’s eyes.

“Maker… I probably look like some abomination, heh.” Fenris sighs, wiping the tears that fell down Hawke’s face away gently, mindful of his eye. “A handsome abomination.” Fenris adds as Bodahn settles the meal beside Garrett and exits the room silently. “Eat, you need the nutrition.”

He eats, most of the nutritious meal Fenris had prepared and is glad to feel full. Glad to feel anything but this pain and misery. “Thank you, Fen.” Fenris nods, eating the rest of the food so it doesn’t go to waste and sets it on the floor. He knows not to waste food, to ration it if you must.

“So… Am I that fucked?” Fenris looks at him with a worried look as he sits next to Hawke. His shoulders lift up then down quickly, a shrug. “It depends what you classify as fucked.” Garrett looks unamused as he points to his eye and lifts his nearly fingerless hand. “That, is what I classify as fucked.”

It was time to break the bad news. “Well, the mage says you are permanently blind in the eye as your… source of vision was so deep, and I guess he removed it, I’m not too sure. And your hand – the fingers will grow back, give it time.” Garrett winces. “So… I gotta walk around town, saving the people looking like a horror.

Finally, Fenris could wear a smile on his face.

A small smile tugs at his lips as he pulls out a red piece of fabric from a pocket in his tunic. “This… you could wear over your eye.” It was red, the same shade of red as the scarf that Fenris wore around his wrist after the night he and Hawke had, where he left afterwards. They matched. Garrett nodded, silently giving Fenris the ‘go’ to put on the matching fabric on.

The warrior gets up, goes behind Hawke and skillfully – not terribly gently, ties the red piece of fabric over his eye, hiding the horror from everyone and instead replaced it with something with much more meaning. “It is not an Orlesian eye mask but,” Fenris shrugs. “It is nice.” Garrett chuckles.

“Thanks, Fen. I appreciate it.”

Fenris nor Garrett stop him from Fenris placing his hand connected to the wrist that had the red scarf tied around his wrist over Hawke’s chest, and pressing a very soft, lingering kiss to his cheek.

“I’m proud, Hawke.” The words Garrett had been aching to here for the long years he had been in Kirkwall, he finally hears them from the man he longs to have and desperately loves, and tears are once again brought to his eyes.