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pinksikhewei · 3 months ago

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A blue blanket and a gentle guide back to yourself.

Spencer wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra.

Word count: ~2300

Content: NO reader, very much centered around Spencer being autistic, mention of him stabbing himself lowkey, angst/comfort, idk what to put here bro im used to Ao3 tags 😭 basically Spencer not coping with having so much freedom after prison but it’s basically just him having a meltdown, JJ and Garcia being real ones, and I guess if you really look close Jeid is there but that wasn’t my intention so it’s up for interpretation💕

A/n: ahhhh this is my first fic on here, and also my first Spencer fic so this is exciting :))) if you see anything misspelled don’t look at me 💀 it feels a little disorganized but that’s just cos I haven’t written in MONTHS for anything other than my novel 😭 ALSO DISREGARD THE TITLE I LITERALLY PONDERED ON IT FOR LJKE THREE HOURS AND COILD NOT COME IP WITH ONE BUT THAYS OKAY

Sometimes, Spencer surprised himself by how odd he could be. Even more so by the twists and turns his life gave him on top of that. Sometimes he wished he could take a good, long look at the woven blanket that was his soul, his personality, his qualities, and decide exactly what to rip out.

But, he supposed that a blanket needed all its threads to keep from unraveling. So when it fell down to smother him, he learned to crawl his way out.

He’d been stronger than he expected himself to be in a lot of situations in his hectic life. Even if he didn’t want to admit it, he knew deep down he had courage. Sometimes it was simply a little difficult to find.

He’d found a lot of it while in prison, reaching deep into the dark depths of his soul to grasp onto whatever he could muster. Did that mean stabbing himself to stay protected, losing his best chance for survival in an attempt to make another one? Yes. Did that mean spending sleepless nights wondering if he was really going to get out? Too many times, yes. Did he let that kill him? Almost.

One thing Spencer Reid hated, in truly the most private ways, was change; loss of routine, loss of structure. When he found himself trapped in a cage with people he didn’t know and trust, he lost all of those values that often held him together just as his team did.

He lost his team those days, too.

He lost himself.

Luckily and not so luckily, it didn’t take long to find new routines, built upon him by ruthless guards and rules and blood-boiled inmates with pasts and inevitable futures rougher than his own. He was embarrassingly easy to mold into the rough shape of submission, going where they told him when they told him.

Spencer swore up and down some of those cold nights that if he could have killed himself, he probably would have, but ultimately his team and the promise of freedom were what kept him alive.

When he was finally released, that same team was the one to coax Reid back to who he was; however, none of them expected the damage that would’ve been done in those long six months.

It was almost as if his release did more bad than the initial imprisonment. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t do things himself.

Independence was always important to him— his team knew that— but they couldn’t ignore the way he stood still in front of doors waiting for them to open, the way he sometimes forgot his own bedroom doors were unlocked, the way he was overwhelmed by the amount of choice he had so suddenly. They couldn’t ignore the way he got overloaded so much easier, meltdowns coming much quicker than even JJ had seen in their decades working together.

Everything was just so much for Spencer. Too much. And who did he turn to? Anyone he could carve gentle hands into; anyone he hoped could fill the Spencer-shaped hole in his heart. Of course, there were canyons of those he couldn’t have that embedded in his gut, too; ravines with little cabins where Gideon resided and soccer fields for Hotch to coach on and homes for Derek to make his own with little red doors.

He was grasping at straws trying to fix himself, and that was how Spencer had ended up in his current situation. Pacing the length of the round table room when he should have been getting ready to leave for a case.

But that was just it, they had just closed a case— an especially grueling one at that. It had been less than an hour before Emily had announced with a heavy sigh that they needed to depart from home again. By god, Spencer had never hated her more for saying ‘wheels up in 30’ when it usually made him surge with curious anticipation.

He wasn’t exactly sure how much time he’d wasted trying to work himself down from a meltdown, but it wasn’t working and there was just never enough time and he just wasn’t ever good enough anymore.

“I’m not good enough,” he repeated like a mantra. “Too much; calm down before you bother them.”

JJ, who had been making a last round to grab a cup of coffee before they left, was quick to notice him through the humbling glass wall of the room. Her face turned to one of pain, and she turned on her heel to find Emily.

Once she finally ran into the woman, her sincere voice struck Emily with surprise.

“Spence can’t go on this case. At least not in the field. He’s on the edge of a meltdown and I’m sure the second I go near him he’s going to fall off that edge. I’m gonna make him stay with Garcia.”

Emily nodded, flashing that face of concern JJ had seen many times before, saying, “Don’t you think that’ll set him off more? The change in plans.”

“I think it already has. He knows he’s not going to get through his case without a meltdown, I think he’ll be a little less upset about things this time around.”

“Alright, go,” Emily urged, staring softly into the round table room where she too saw Spencer’s frazzled state.

JJ all but stumbled into Garcia’s cave, tearing her precious blanket from her go bag and snagging a few more from Garcia’s hoard of them in the little basket behind her door.

“You’re gonna have company for the case, that okay?”

“Reid?” Garcia replied with a knowing look.

JJ nodded.

“Can you make him a little cozy place to sit down here? I think this one’s bad, I have no idea how long he’s been pacing.”

Garcia smiled sympathetically, immediately going to work creating a little nest of blankets and decorative pillows she could find around her cave, placing them neatly underneath her desk.

Meanwhile, JJ found herself outside the room that held Spencer and all his emotion. She took a deep breath before opening the door, met with Spencer sitting on the ground and rocking back and forth.

She took a quick motion in moving a couple of the rolling whiteboards in front of the window since sometimes the blinds got stuck and took minutes to work out.

“Spence? It’s JJ— is there anything I can do to help?” She tried softly, not confident she would get an answer.

Spencer didn’t even look at her, holding his knees to his chest and hugging them tightly. He knew by then she wasn’t going to let him in good conscience go in the field, and was working through that, too.

He brought a hand up to his mouth and started biting at his index finger’s knuckle, not really caring how stupid and childish he looked.

“Can you hear me, Spence? Just look at me for a second, so I know you hear me.”

Spencer’s beautiful brown eyes flicked in her direction before returning to the cold floor in front of him, and JJ sighed in relief.

“Great, thank you. I know you probably already know this but you aren’t going in the field, you’re gonna stay with Garcia. Remember you are still working the case if that’s what you want, okay? The only change in plans is location.”

Spencer hummed in a feeble attempt at a response before pulling his hand out of his mouth and wiping it on the fabric of his pants, embarrassed. JJ didn’t mention it, knowing it was the absolute least of their concerns.

“Do you want a hug? It’s okay if you don’t. I can just stay here with you until you’re ready.”

Spencer seemed to be lost in thought for a moment, and JJ let it happen. Then, he nodded, giving JJ a bath of pride in his improvement during the last five minutes.

She sat down beside him and leaned toward his trembling body, wrapping arms around Spencer’s frame in a way that made him feel inexplicably at home.

“God, Spence, you’re about to shake out of your skin.” JJ said absentmindedly, addressing his trembling.

Spencer thought it was silly, but he supposed he really was shaking like a leaf, trying desperately to hold onto its branch against the violence that was the bitter wind.

So, they sat like that until JJ’s phone started to beep more than Spencer knew was casual conversation. He felt the need to apologize, but wasn’t feeling particularly verbal, so he just picked his mop of curls up off her shoulder and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“Duty calls,” JJ sighed, then tried to lighten the mood a little. “Ten minutes wasn’t even that long, heaven forbid Emily says ‘wheels up’ and we don’t leave on the exact time she says to.”

Spencer silently mouthed fragments of what JJ had said, but JJ didn’t fuss as she’d grown used to his echolalia based habits over the years.

“You ready to head over to Garcia’s cave? She’s got a little pillow fort all set up for you, I’m sure.”

A snake of guilt slithered it’s way into Spencer’s cramped head, curling up around the static ball of overwhelm. He tried not to take too much time steadying himself to stand up, his balance and coordination slightly off from the meltdown. JJ stood with him as soon as she realized what he was trying to do, and helped him up.

“Doing great, Spence. I bet Garcia’s probably already grabbed your bag from your desk, so we can just head on down there.”

On the slightly wobbly and slow walk to Garcia’s cave, Spencer squinted against the lights and mentally cursed his too-tight tie. Once he finally made it, JJ broke off with a small apology and a good luck.

It took Garcia all of three seconds to open the door and immediately fawn over the man, and even if it made him feel burdensome he had to admit it also let him feel cared for.

“Hey, boy genius. I made you a little nook, and I also got you a cookie from my snack desk and a bottle of water,” Garcia smiled widely at him as she always did.

Spencer mustered up a small grin back, and looked down to where she motioned underneath her highly decorated desk. He recognized JJ’s prized blanket she took on every case with her and then his favorite soft blanket Garcia kept in her cave. His heart warmed and he grew a little more calm in knowing he had a safe place to stake out for the majority of the day.

He brought a hand up and adjusted his tie, tugging it off slowly as he tried to think of a way to thank her.

“Go, sit,” Garcia urged him, gently shooing him with her hands as she sat back down on her rolling chair and scooted in to the desk. “You need to drink some water and chill out before I do any sort of debriefing on this case.”

Spencer mimicked her shooing motions before he sat down, a little shamefully, and opened up the bottle of water.

Honestly, the small space made him feel safe, and the gentle light from Garcia’s fairy lights and monitors was just little enough that his eyes didn’t feel like exploding, and his mind settled a little bit.

He reached down and untied his shoelaces, resisting the urge to remove them all together, and then pulled the blanket up over his lap as he leaned against the wall. He looked up at countless little stickers and stars Garcia had planted there, wondering when and why she even put them in a place she couldn’t see.

“Better?” Garcia asked softly, and Spencer could hear the clicking of her keyboard.

Spencer, without really realizing what he was doing, quietly repeated her while he fidgeted with a little plush Garcia had put in the nest of blankets.

“Better?”

“Ah, so we’re mimicking today. Good to know,” she chuckled back.

“Good to know.”

She laughed a little, not surprised he’d been able to copy her voice to a T, but rolled back a little anyway.

“Alright, well, the case file is here but only if you want it and you’re ready,” Garcia tapped the desk above his head.

“Only when you’re ready.”

And so, Spencer sat there for the remainder of the day, occasionally laying down on his back if his legs started to fall asleep, surrounded by the soft energy of Garcia’s cave.

When he was ready— even if he was still a little stuck in repeating what was said to him— he gave Garcia input on the case and said hello to the team over the phone.

He was more than grateful for his team, his friends who cared about him. He knew that this was exactly where he was meant to be, even if it was missing a few of his favorite people. He knew this was where he belonged, this was what would fill that Spencer-shaped hole in his heart and let it overflow.

He just had to let it happen.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #mgg #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfiction #jennifer jereau #penelope garcia #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fluff #autistic fellow #pinkfics!💕

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bibimbinge · 1 year ago

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Mark Pakin appreciation post cause why not

THIS IS MARK.

Hes a cutie and I am convinced we are buddies (I have never met this man irl in my life)

teensy background on him, he was a professional badminton player before he decided he wanted to try out acting.. which btw an insane move cause we saw him play in Starlympics, mans have SKILLS!!

Like everyone, he started with a tiny role to test the waters. Yall wanna know what was his first role was??

He was Teh’s college roommate in I Promised You The Moon!! *sidenote @ MARK PAKIN BRING BACK THE LONG WAVY HAIR PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

This was way before BKPP was as huge as they are now but still!! What an iconic debut amirite!!

Anyway, I wanted to write an appreciation post cause we saw with our very own eyes how fast he grew as an actor. In just a year he played 4 characters who are in very different age groups going through very different things. Not an easy task to pull off but he did it. He did it all so well!!!

We got Mark as a high schooler (Thiu in My School President)

Mark played two dudes in their early 20s (Saleng in Moonlight Chicken & Nick in Only Friends)

AND Mark ins his late 20s / late young-adulthood (Night in Last Twilight)

this is ALL WITHIN A YEAR!! after the teeny role in IPYTM he immidiately got signed under GMM and got. to. WORK!

and this isn’t counting him originally getting casted in Cooking Crush before having to do a re-cast cause… well obviously he was over-booked.

What is up with the Marks of the world and wanting to be constantly busy??? We got Mark Lee debuting like 5 different groups + as a solo artist and now we got Mark Pakin who’s booked more roles than many actors whos been in the industry for as long as he has. LEARN TO TAKE A GOOD BREAK MY DUDES!!

anyway SKILLS!! This dude can act!! from playing a best friend whos fed up with his bestie being a loser over his crush to playing a guy committing crimes out of pure jealousy.. he has range and he improved a whole dang lot.

Compared to Mark in the warp effect where we saw him in like.. 10 scenes max.. to Mark as Night in Last Twilight which also about the same number of scenes ((so far)), he's done really good.

the greatest example is Mark as Nick.

duuuude when I tell ya, whenever he popped those heart eyes at Boston I was convinced I knew exactly what he was feeling. He did great at conveying feelings through his eyes and subtle body movements. When he cried, I cried even though Nick was in the wrong.. like he did great!! When he was jealous, I was jealous. I might be an empath who tends to mirror other peoples emotions OR it could just be.. he is THAT good.

Maybe I'm biased or whatever but I believe he's one of the upcoming thai actors you gotta look out for cause.. bros been getting that bag, and he will continue to do so and I will happily watch any series or movies he'll be in.

Alrighty I'm off to take a nap now 😴💤

im tagging a few people who listens to my rants because I love Mark and you should too. @dramalets @markpakin @drama-nonsense @mooniyuta @ayansbff

#if you havent gotten the deal with me.. I cannot physically hold myself back from liking things to a normal amount #blneobin #mark pakin #BL nation #iPost

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lost-my-sanity1 · 2 years ago

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Thai BL Favourites List Tag Game

Thank you @grapejuicegay for the tag :*

Favourite bl:

tough choice between bbs and msp. but I'll go with bbs for the same reasons as user grapejuicegay. it's my first one, which literally changed my life. I've never quite been the same since bbs. also the fact that we are sometimes still getting to know more facts about some scenes... sigh. p'aof created a masterpiece. truly

Favourite pairing:

again. a really tough choice.... cuz you see the list? but I would like to choose geminifourth (am I being biased with that? yes maybe but whatever)

(and actually ohmnanon and firstkhao)

More underrated actor:

I have so many and I'm gonna name some😀 satang kittiphop (It's not really a surprise to y'all 😭ik I've been very subtle with my satang served thingey I know); marc pahun. idk if he's great or not but he's cute (also to mention his pairing with pawin. they're cute asf); also neo and mark(they are not really under the wraps now but still)

Favourite character:

Heart. he has such a strong chokehold on me. like I can't explain how this goes and what all things I like about him but I do know I will give up my life (not really a tough thing💀) for him anytime

some honourable mentions- li ming cuz this 18 year old teenager has so much anger and love in him. and he's such a powerful face of a gen z created by p'aof... sigh;

wen mostly cuz he's so relatable as a character who just fell out of love. his lover did nothing wrong, it's just the simple and the hard truth that people can fall out of love the same way they fell in

(why are my favourite characters from mlc💀 hmm something about the realistic and simple thing in the series. also the helplessness of the characters and the situations they are in. the way they try to make it work with how much they have)

Favourite side character:

Tiw(msp) and Max(bmf). it's a no brainer when it comes to as why they're my favourite side character. The support and friendship they offer to their friend? unparallel. Its so nice🤧

Favourite scene:

surprise surprise madafakas. NO BUT LOOK AT THAT. a pure work of fucking art. the lights behind pran being subdued and less while the lights behind pat being more and lighted.

The fact that they kissed not inside a hidden place but outside. In the open. Its not hidden in the confinement of their rooms but its open to the world how much they want each other. The fact that their first kiss was out in the open.... idk I'm not okay

Favourite line:

"Romeo, ai'shia Romeo" 💀im so sorry y'all I can't be serious anymore

Most anticipated bl and why:

hehe😃 23.5(lesbiansssss lessgoo), dangerous romance (perthchimon, marcpawin🤧🤧 also the plot), last twilight (dude p'aof), only friends (so gay and messy)

Healthiest relationship in a bl:

patpran and their juniors tinngun, without a second thought. I don't think any explanation is needed here

Most toxic relationship in a bl:

you really want me to name them💀 idk bro they're all pretty normal and on point with real life sometimes if you think about it... so 🤷‍♀️💆‍♀️

Guilty pleasure series:

I don't really have one. wait what does guilty pleasure actually mean- ah okay got the Google meaning.💀 dude I hold everything I enjoy in a high regard.

Bonus! Most underrated series:

Agreeing with the past doers of this tag games, he's coming to me.

Ayeee this was fun😃 loved this. Thanks for the tag again. now comes another hard part. idk if y'all did this or not and if you did feel free to ignore @sharingfandoms @janujaja @hereforlou @hughungrybear @fangirlmedstudentblog @dallasthetimetraveler @iamholdingontoheartache @hometothecanyonmoon and ANYone who wants to do this please do. consider yourself tagged. or like tell me and I tag you

#tag game #thanks for the tag!#🤧🤧#bad buddy series #my school president #moonlight chicken

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phneltwrites · 2 years ago

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Thai QL favourites tag game

thanks @ginnymoonbeam for the tag!

Favorite Thai QL: 3 will be free! It's the second one I watched and I couldn't believe how poignant it was. The way the show positions every life as meaningful and every person as connected... Also ot3 beach makeout!!!!!

Favorite pairing: Offgun hands down. It snuck up on me and look at me now. Manifesto forthcoming but you ever just see a pair of people so married that it doesn't matter whatever is going on cause they're so deliberately partnered and you know they chose it and work on it and im getting emotional again, stream not me on youtube

Most underrated actor: Probably Neo or Jennie. Jennie was incredible as Mae in 3wbf, brought so much depth and grief and sweetness to such a complex role and she's so regularly put in the comedy box only, which she's also good at. And then I guess for theme, Neo is so funny but he always brings a true human edge to all of his characters that makes them so compelling! That's in general underrated.

Favorite main character:

Favorite side character: Nuch not me!!!! MVP! I love her flirty banter with Gram and her smarts and how confident she is and how passionate and she's just the best.

Favorite scene in a QL: Not Me rainbow flag protest scene. The emotions I felt, the visual that it is, the statement, it's everything

Favorite line in a QL: I want to walk with you, accomplish goals together, and change this society

Most anticipated QL: COOKING CRUSH every day i remember it's coming and it makes me look forward to tomorrow. Also 23.5 if we can start getting gmm quality lesbians on the regular can u imagine.

also switching up the healthy and unhealthy relationship questions to:

Relationship that makes me go, aww, I love it: Taekyung and Shinwoo in Light On Me. Theyre so cute and supportive of each other and I like that they both choose to be open with each other

Relationship that makes me go, hehe, yessss: Kimchay from Kinnporsche. What's a little fake identity and secret mob life between a pop star and his biggest fan.

and to quote some australians, "the idea of guilty pleasures shows a limited sense of guilt, and also pleasure" and "what's so bad about feeling good"

show that I wouldn't give a blanket recommendation of but satisfied something deep: I'll plug for Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey here because it's not good, per se, but Pick and Rome are so fun and such a good dynamic. Not many shows have a character like Rome, who is confident and flirty and knows himself.

Most underrated series: He's Coming To Me!! It's so well done and the main leads are three dimensional and compelling. I watched this when I was emotional and the way it depicts grief (it's a romance between a ghost and a guy who can see ghosts) is so tender.

tagging @sixohsixoheightfourtwo and @daltoneering

#tag meme

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samboyjp · 6 months ago

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good-enemy · 1 year ago

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RULES: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

I was tagged by @ace0clubs (thank you!!)

coke or pepsi: coke

disney or dreamworks: dreamworks has objectively better movies but unfortunately i am a disney girlie

coffee or tea: coffee, tea tastes like sadness

books or movies: Both tbh but books are easier to concentrate on so we'll go with books

windows or mac: Windows

dc or marvel: same as question 2 honestly lmao dc is objectively better but i just love marvel <3

x-box or playstation: neither

dragon age or mass effect: idk what either of them are

night owl or early riser: permanently exhausted pigeon gang rise up

cards or chess: i like both but we'll go with cards, theres more variation in what u can play & i am not very good at chess

chocolate or vanilla: ice cream ? if its ice cream then vanilla everything else then chocolate

vans or converse: both are cool but i am a converse girlie

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: whomst

fluff or angst: angst if it has a happy ending

beach or forest: Forest

dogs or cats: dogs (but i also love cats <3)

clear skies or rain: clear skies please god as a british person please god clear skies

cooking or eating out: eating out is so fun <3 and i can just about cook beans on toast so yknow

spicy food or mild food: spiceeee

halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: merry crisis

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: A little too hot

if you could have a superpower, what would it be: teleportation, how much easier would travelling be ? no airports, no accomodation, no transport, would never have to drive or take the bus or whatever, also whenever i wanted something from the kitchen and couldnt be arsed moving i could just teleport in and out OHHH You could teleport into concerts and shit

animation or live action: either i guess but i prob watch more live action stuff

paragon or renegade: hm? renegade by paramore only song ever?

baths or showers: Shower

team cap or team ironman: they were literally both right their arguments were not mutually exclusive

fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy

do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: probably but i cant remember them off the top of my head lmao

youtube or netflix: YouTube

harry potter or percy jackson: ive never read/watched percy jackson but percy jackson wins by default

when do you feel accomplished: when my family are proud of me

star wars or star trek: I havent seen either but i know more about star wars also baby yoda c3po and r2d2 my beloveds

paperback books or hardcover books: paperback, hardcover is way too painful (i wanna preorder the button house archives so bad but the only physical option is hardback ? why)

to live in a world without literature or without music?: Without literature, sorry to all my favourite books but if i went even one day without music i might actually die

who was the last person to make you laugh? uhhh probably either a post on here or a post on instagram

city or countryside? city unfortunately its what im used to and the countryside just has way too many sheep staring into my soul for my comfort

favorite chips? this prob means crisps so im gonna go with mccoys ridged thai sweet chili chicken they are literally divine but bc im annoying like that i will also tell u the best chips are mccains for at home wetherspoons for eating out

pants or dresses? Pants

libraries or museums? museums (i always get overwhelmed by the options in a library and end up reading the most random shitty book ever or something ive already read lmao)

character driven stories or plot driven stories? plot

bookmarks or folding pages? folding the pages down i can never remember where i put bookmarks

Dream job?: *ideal* job is something to do with psychological research but my actual dream job is author/actor/director/singer (yes all of them at the same time lmfao. im gonna write direct and act in my own tv show and there will be a musical episode or 10)

What gives you comfort? music, my family and nice food :)

What are you currently having brain-rot levels of interest over? ghosts, good omens, starkid/hatchetfield, hozier and maisie peters (my brain is rotting quite severely atm)

(added question) What is your current favourite song?

absolutely no chance im tagging 45 people so i will just tag @wtnytv @colifower @bodybetters @cascadeoceanwave @deweyduck @antoniosvivaldi @everysummers @sylvielaufeyz @antlerqueer @taoargents @finalgirlsidney @cobbbvanth @barrowsteeth and @cmorris-art and call it a day ahaha

#tag game #thank you for tagging me cyd!#so what if i scrolled thru mpn and the vampires channel in lgbtqc for inspiration on who to tag. lmao #ellies shitchats

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ravenousnightwind · 2 years ago

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A physical disability isn't like having arthritis or depression or even adhd. Those things might affect the way you can move about but, it's not a physical disability. The fact I have to say this just..is really baffling.

A physical disability is when you have trouble seeing, hearing, walking, etc. The last one, especially, I feel like people are really confused about. It means that you absolutely need a wheelchair or an aid of some kind. Maybe you need a walking aid like crutches of some kind, or maybe you need some other form of one because you can't see that well. It's where the primary reason you're disabled is because you are incapable in some way, of all the things I mentioned. It's classified as physically disabled because it isn't mentally disabled. Mentally disabled is the primary reason, but it doesn't mean you are indeed physically disabled as well.

Like yeah, I'm mentally disabled okay? I have issues walking because i have a lot of brain fog. I do have spinal issues and arthritis, but that doesn't mean I'm physically disabled. I don't need an aid to walk, it just takes me a bit sometimes depending on how I feel. Like, I need zero physical aids to get up and down unless I'm laying down sick as fuck.

Just because I have those issues, that doesn't mean it's classified as physical, and that doesn't mean I have a right to anything. Like even if it were more severe I wouldn't even consider a professional telling me that I'm physically disabled to be a right to enter a community space.

At this point I'm diving into a whole other issue. We, being you, and every single other person out there who's telling you to fuck off, probably knows it's not just because you were told to get out. It's probably not just because you're offended you're being shunned. It's probably because you said some shit and now you're mad that the community doesn't want to deal with your nonsense.

I mean maybe it is just using the tag, I don't know, it's not my business, but I will say this. A lot of people are assholes, even us disabled people can be assholes. It's likely that you revealed something and they were like but thays not physically disabled. And you were like YES IT IS IM DISABLED!!! Okay but, that doesn't mean you have a right to use a tag okay? If someone told me that, and I fucking knew my situation, then yeah, I'd just fuck off, apologize and never enter that community again unless something happened where I had a physical disability.

Just like how I never entered the autistic or adhd communities until I got an official diagnosis. Sure, I knew I was quirky or strange, but I never entered into a community I wasn't sure I belonged in. Why would anyone do that? It's disrespectful

Like okay, I know by writing and even saying this shit, maybe I'm stepping over some invisible lines I can't see, so maybe excuse me? I'm just really pissed off about this, I'm really pissed that people have this kind of audacity to just act like they have a right. No you don't, nobody does. And yeah it sucks when you're shunned, but there's no reason to hang around in a place where no one wants you. You want it why? Because you have these problems? So what, use something else. Express it differently. Really think. Go back and look at the shit you said. When people attack me that's what I do. Where did i fuck up? Did i fuck up or was there a misunderstanding? Ya know what, maybe I got yelled at because I just didn't think about what I was saying very clearly? It happens.

Idk I just can't understand these types of people who wanna push and push and cause problems in a place where we're expressing.

On the other hand though, nobody knows anyone's business, and idk that's kinda the thing. People take things so personally online because you can't tell the tone of what someone is saying on both sides and then before you know it there's some bullshit.

Anyway, my point is just that I'm pissed. I'm pissed for the people it harms. Anything like that always pisses me off, but especially for my friends. Even if I didn't have physically disabled friends, I'd still be considerate about how other people feel. But not gonna lie, sometimes there really are just ass people out there (not people who like asses) who just wanna gatekeep, but if a whole community is like shouting about it? Uh..pretty sure it's not just an ass but like an actual problem?

Idk, maybe I'm just talking out my ass without really knowing anything? And if I was told to fuck off I'd just be like alright I will. I'm not gonna argue about it. It's stupid to argue about it. I understand the frustration. Fuck

#mentally disabled #disabled community #disabled #disabled person #drama

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lowkey-loki245 · 1 month ago

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Okay, in the prev tags, I brought up that Mineta is mostly a good character minus the harassment, so just taking that away for fix his writing. But I have a way to keep that harassment but turn it into a good story.

So hypersexuality is a common trauma response amongst SA victims. Mineta wouldn't be acting this way if something hadn't happened. I'm not gonna go deep it, but something happened. I could write it where he genuinely thought this behavior was normal. Yes, he's 15 (at the start of the series), you'd probably expect him to know better by now, but I know from experience that you can't rewrite the wrong ways you view the world until you both are separated from the one that caused you to be this way and once you have processed you trauma at least a little. It took me until I was his age to notice and end my toxic habits because I was raised in a home that treated it like it was normal.

When they move into the dorms, Mineta is now away from home, surrounded by people who haven't been raised in that type of environment, and can help show him what he's doing wrong and teach him how to become a better person.

And it would probably start with Aizawa. Teachers are trained to notice signs of trauma/abuse, so it makes sense that Aizawa would be the first to reach out to Mineta. But at this point, Mineta is still drinking thay grape flavored kool-aid and genuinely thinks it's normal. It would take Aizawa having a meeting with him and talking to him for him to truly understand what he's doing wrong (he could get out of it on his own like I did, but I feel like it's more realistic if he needs a little help).

And so Mineta starts healing with the help of Aizawa and becoming a better person. And the girls would definitely notice, along with Kaminari. I feel like Kaminari would be his main source of support and probably the first to find out why Mineta acted that way before.

Maybe, later on, Jiro would start supporting Mineta too. It's a small support group, but that's okay. Any support will help Mineta get better.

Im really into this idea. Give me some time so I can actually watch the later seasons of MHA and I'll continue with this. I'm totally keeping the "Mineta has a crush on Izuku" thing. It's gonna be unrequited, but that's okay, it'll help Mineta grow.

Me, now knowing I'm hypersexual, looking back on how Mineta (MHA) used to be my fav character: There were signs, but I couldn't read back then.

#mha #tw hypersexual #tw sa mention

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kkusuka · 4 years ago

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congrats on 3k!! i hope im not too late but here are my hcs for osamu (she/her if you dont mind)

-osamu doesn’t realize whenever some girls tries to flirt with him at onigiri miya, he’s just friendly

-whenever you get bitter about it (either on purpose or not) he’d find it cute and tease you about it bc its a miya thing to be annoying

-and when you get riled up enough he’d have to show you how you’re his only one and how no one else can get him off like you do

Broken Chopsticks

Husband!Osamu x Wife!Reader

Synopsis: osamu likes watching you stake your claim just a bit to much

words: 1.1k

Cw: smut (cunilingus), jealousy, very tiny angst if you squint, some bad language

a/n: thank you so much!! i love me a good Osamu moment too

“Well, I happen to think you’re the better twin Mr. Osamu!” “You just seem to get more handsome every day, Miya-san!” “It’s just too bad you’re married.”

Snap. Suddenly all eyes were on you, namely the broken chopstick in your hand. Shooting your husband, who resides at the counter as normal, with a tight smile you make your way to the kitchen pondering just where these women get their audacity.

‘Oh Miya-san, you’re so good with your hands!’, yeah he was, it’s just too bad he’s married. It enraged you, they not only flirted with a clearly taken man but right in front of you? It’s downright shameless. What’s worse is that ‘Samu either didn't realize it was happening, years of high school pining over him and his twin would do that. Or he just doesn't care. And you can only hope it’s not the latter.

You can't even remember a time when women wouldn't flirt with him, even when he was still only your boyfriend. Horrid memories of waitresses slipping him their number as they blatantly ignore your plea for another cup of water. Or women asking for selfies with the famous owner of Onigiri Miya and brother of the “best” setter in Japan, Atsumu, another pain in your side.

But- through all the years- the worst of all are the times when you’re working the counter. You could deal with them questioning who you were and how long you had been working there (really asking about just who you were), it the biggest ego boost when you reveal that not only did you help build the business, but you fuck the owner almost daily- and he loves it. (of course, you don't say that but you explain your marriage and how happy you are to help Osamu with his dream)

You are happy to deal with them, whether or not they buy something is irrelevant, and if you see them again they order and silently leave. It's the, and excuse your language, homewrecking whores that you can’t stand. The ones that look you in the eye and ask where the ‘hunk’ that’s usually there is. You try to explain that you’re working the counter- they roll their eyes and get a piece of onigiri.

The same women you glare at through the small window above the stove where you make dinner for you and… the guy who’s letting some wench squeeze his-your-biceps.

It's only when they leave before Osamu closes for the night, do you walk out of the back, hands full of rice and Thai-style chicken for you and… that man. Being your husband of five years, as soon as you walked out he knew you were upset. Even when you placed his food down and started some random small talk that he currently had no care for. He could almost smile, the act bringing him back to high school when you would act like all the girls that came up to him meant nothing. No matter how high you may have your chin, he knew that the women did in fact matter to you- it was cute. He almost felt bad but feeling your stare burning his back while some rando tries to flirt with him was all too adorable. Your nose scrunches and your cheeks puffy out, lips falling into a cute little pout, sometimes you cross your arms and wait for him to be finished only to wrap yourself around him, still in plain view of anyone trying to ogle him. It’s similar to the face you make now, only you’re trying to act like you aren't making the face. “What’s the matter, Baby? Yer makin that pouty face.” Geez, he always knew didn’t he. “If you’re asking, you already know the answer.” You knew he did, by the way he put his chopsticks down, rose from his chair, taking your hands in his as some random song playing on your radio- some Ed Sheeran song from an American station. “You’re so cute when yer jealous. Makes me feel special.” “M’not jealous, ‘Sumu.” That gave him a good laugh, firstly the tens of chopsticks you split today are still peeking out of the trash, and don't think he didn't notice the intellectual brushes against him whole people were ordering. Simple daily activities laced with possessiveness. “Oh I’m sure ya aren’t,” your feet started to sway, moving through the rows of tables and chairs, “I do have to say, whatever this is, I like it. You should stake your claim more often.” As you move, his mouth attaches itself to your neck. His hands pressing you down to sit on the same counter you’d been so angry with. One hand moving to settle on your thigh and the other playing with the hem of your shirt, pulling the fabric over your head., at the same time tugging your shorts down in one go. “We didn’t finish dinner.” He deliberately ignored the comment, instead, kneeling between your legs, pulling you to sit on the very edge of the marble. Your thighs resting on his buff shoulders, face pressed to your panties. “I’m about to eat mine.” With that he pressed his tongue flat against your covered folds, sucking your juices through the red lace. His tongue sought out your clit, swirling over it as your hands laced through his dark locks. “‘Sumu, I-” “You what? Gotta say something, I’m hungry.” He waited for no response as he pushed your panties to the side, taking a moment to commit your creamy pussy to memory. “Yer always so wet, I think ya get off on other girls bein’ near me.” His tongue ran between your lips, gathering the slick on them- the sleeping noise enough to make you cum that second. He moved the hand on your waist to your mound, his thumb attaching to your clit. Letting out an almost pornographic moan his eyes connect to yours, lips curling into a smirk as his tongue and fingers move faster on your cunt. “Feeling good?” “Yes-yes! I just, please! Really wanna cum!” “Well, if you wanna so badly, I guess I'll help ya out.” His finger moves faster around your bud, using his forearm to keep your hips in place. He delved in your dripping hole, thrusting his tongue in and out of your cavern. He can feel you getting close to your thighs encasing his head, a favorite for him. Replacing his tongue with two fingers he focuses on sucking your clit, the action that brings your orgasm crashing over you with a screech of his name. “So pretty, but ‘m not full yet.”

tags: @diamond-3 @rinsangel @heyheyitsne @angelalje @monisi @crystal-lilac @sadpotato10

#osamu x reader #osamu smut #osamu miya x reader smut #osamu miya x reader #osamu x reader smut #osamu angst #haikyuu angst #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader smut #haikyuu x reader #osamu miya x reader angst #osamu miya #osamu #hq osamu #hq smut #hq x reader

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agroupofcrows · 2 years ago

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@jester-mereel tagged me in this, thanks💌

Rules: You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people. No skipping!

i unironically love my unironically abysmal music taste. im also a spotify user and my playlists are too specific for this ask so i put my liked songs on shuffle

1. Come Sail Away by Styx. lmao i remeber i put this on the playlist for my postcanon ghost onsen takabansai nonfic

2. Cây Đàn Bỏ Quên by Tran Thai Hoa. i don't actually listen much to him, but. cherish thy tenors whose voice is actually nice

3. The Glow by Sylvan Esso?? unliked, i hate this song actually

4. S.K. Remembrance Noise: Road to Damascus by hungarian composer Kurtág György. <3 this had to be for a maglor playlist

5. Russel Shaw: Let Me Tell You A Story. no memory of this piece. cute but I've no idea what it is. movie? game?

6. some kind of piano-cello arrangement of an aria from a js bach cantata. not good and not bad? sorry im getting tired

7. Pricantula (corsican polyphony) sung by im guessing a chamber choir called Per Agata. 10/10 no notes teach me your ways

8. vivaldi flute concerto in g, run over with a car and sprinkled with extra spice. im just gonna link it because it's not bad if you, like me, love it when violence is done on baroque music. it is one of the joys of my life for sure. also, several blorbos with flute trauma so this particular piece always comes in handy

9. ohoo boy. wagner Liebestod but maria callas. controversial💅

10. Tchaik Nut sugarplum fairy. i think i put this on a bomb yuri on ice playlist a couple of years ago when i was going through it* (*end-of-twenties grief)

huhh @kraniumet @hadrianspaywall @amethysttribble my brain stopped but anyone else who feels like it, i wanna see your music recs

#ask game turned guess my occupation game lmao #károg #not gintama

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black-dreamscape · 5 months ago

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oh god okay last song i listened to: wherever the giant vocaloid playlist im on is at. last song i played on purpose was rabbit hole eng cover

favorite color: blue because its what i chose for a Favorite Color way back when. i dont think i actually like it more than any other color

currently watching: uhhhhh little shinto boy in a few minutes? otherwise retromations slay the spire downfall series

last movie i watched: going to have to agree with slush on this one its been ages

sweet/spicy/savory: tongue cant handle spice teeth cant handle sweet. process of elimination

relationship status: no way i think my boyfriend might be gay too?? just a hunch though

current obsession: i really really need it to be limbus company asap

last googled: thai native plants (phone). waffle maker serial code (pc)

tagging uhhhhh. who do i know. @starfallsoup @knoxville-coroner @bymidnightsmoon there 3 people is enough to avoid chain mail curses right. other mutuals you can also share this burden

tag game

i was tagged by @junonomenon (decided to make my own thread)

last song i listened to: I Will Survive, covered by the puppini sisters (idk how i found it, i've just been listening to my "liked songs" playlist lately)

favorite color: green 💚

currently watching: house md (i'm on season 8 now. trying to finish the show before my student spotify premium/hulu expires at the end of the month cause i'm gonna unsubscribe)

last movie i watched: return of the king extended edition (i got the dvd box set for christmas and am watching them with all the bonus features and everything :) next i'm gonna watch them with the audio commentaries)

sweet/spicy/savory: it varies, obviously. i like all three at different times and for different foods. i'll interpret this as what i'm craving right now, in which case i'll say sweet. i'm gonna go make some toast with cinnamon + sugar after i post this

relationship status: single + arospec. my gf of two years broke up with me a few months ago (said she couldn't handle long distance) but i'm still taking care of her pet inverts until she can come get them

current obsession: uhhhh i've been in between obsessions for a little while. though i'm embarrassed to admit i think i might be obsessed with a mobile game (it's called My Little Universe and i'm adamantly refusing to pay for the ad-free version even though it would probably vastly improve my enjoyment of the game and make my phone not overheat when playing it. it's also on steam but i'm in too deep and just wanna finish the game on mobile first. i'm on the second to last planet)

last thing i googled: arceus (house mentioned it in the last episode i watched and i wasn't 100% sure whether it was a pokemon reference or not. it was)

like any tag game, i don't want you to feel pressured to play if you don't want to or don't have the energy, this is just for fun :)

@drivingthesehillsaway @lemonlimetoast @aro-oak @surrealsloth @kebbopulos @fratboycipher @douglasfeiffel @awoooooubliette @friendofthecrows @pleasantartisanhottea

i think the original had 9 tags but i went for 10 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i don't think it matters

#nightmare nightmare nightmare #<-personal posts tag #i always think damn theres no point in the tag if i have to keep typing Personal Posts Tag after it but its like... what if people forget #what if i come off as negative

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yongtxt · 5 years ago

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hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

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