#and im going to preface this with im on my period and feeling off anyways

[our-lady-of-mcr]

.

[megismorallysunny]

24/09/23

ok so i totally meant to do my hw but as i was getting to the last bit of my irish it just felt pointless, ive been feeling like that a lot lately, which is annoying cuz im always positive. i think i feel unliked by my best friends it kinda sucks but thats the way it is, ive been getting more snappy at them, so its kinda my fault so ill have to spend some more time near them and talk to them which feels hard because i just feel so pointless, life feels so pointless and for once not in the way of "yipee nothing matters" more like "nothing really matters so why try anyways".

so dark thoughts aside lifes been doing mediocre, i meant to say stuff so ill get a shit ton from my notes that i wanted to say said now. The spanish kid (who only joined this year to our school) is kind of annoying, idk if it was just me but when i added him on snapchat he asked who i was, which you know fine but he didnt ask my friend who also did that. anyways on tuesday(?) he sat in "apples" seat, she sits behind me, were friends now but we werent for six months. ill say in a later post. anyways the cabinet behind her has litter picker uppers because our maths teacher is the green schools advisor, anyways "spanish kid" we'll nickname him "4k4" decides to sit in apples seat bc it means hes kind of a little bit farther to the boys but he can go into the cabinet. also as soon as he joined he got immediantly accepted into the guy secret circle. anyways he pokes me once with the garbage picker upper, now let me preface this by saying im not a loner, i have no reason to be bullied and picked on except for being loud maybe, i always have too much optimism, i give compliments im nice, sometimes im dumb but not too dumb to make me unlikable. THERE IS NO REASONNN. but i got poked, and to be honest my feelings were a little hurt, all respect GONEE, so i got out a pen shell from my pencil case (yknow those bic pens where you can take out the inc and pen part, well basically the bit which was left was the pen shell). anyways i took it out just in case he poked me again... AND HE DID!?!? so i grabbed my pen shell and launched it into his face, it was rly funny cuz he wasnt looking and flinched rly badly and his friends started laughing.

another time was when i wanted to get into school i was going to go through the side entrance which can only be opened from the inside without a code, and 4k4 and some of his friends were there, and when i got there his main friend shut the door on me and laughed, i kinda stood there for a few minutes saying please, it was an old joke, and it was funny i was also laughing but 4k4 pointing at me and laughing in my face made me feel pretty shitty tbh.

anyways me and my friends had a mamma mia party 2 where we watched mamma mia 2, we had it on friday like last year and was held near a similar date (only a day off the original). it went ok, it felt weird, maybe i wasnt in a good headspace but i just felt lonely there.

i dont really want to talk about it much more besides that, i could just feel like shit because my period is soon but truthfully im just not sure. A german mayor came to our school maybe thats a bit revealing but whatever, for all you could know he could have come a month ago, thats how behind on my notes i am. some of this is OLD news. my old friend gave a speech to him, i liked my friend but then he asked this girl out, he got rejected and i felt like shit, it was clear to everyone i liked him and everyone knew and made jokes about it, i always blushed and i thought he might have actually liked me like that because he acted like it. i thought he had asked me on a date on wednesday, but i wasnt going to make it a date unless he told me it was. he mentioned something and said have you heard about me or something and i said "no what?" and i kept pushing but calmed down after three pushes and said no. when he left my friends told me he had rejected a girl the day before. i just felt like shit, complete and utter shit.

i completely erased my happy feelings of him, it semi worked i was better around him but i know that if he asked me out now then id say no. actually now that im thinking about it, maybe id explain how it made me feel earlier when he didnt like me and i felt bad and i know that hes going to feel bad too because i cant accept his feelings and im sorry, also 2 weeks after he asked out the first girl he asked out apple, she said no cuz she has a boyfriend, but like ive never been asked out before, why not me, what was wrong with me. it hurts sometimes but im over it.

im going to have to cut this short bc this is LONGG but apple said im really pretty in science which was a major upgrade from the week prior where she said i smelt, i wasnt too fazed by the insult but i was delighted by the compliment. yknow emerald, i mentioned him on thursday(?) but he won the student council elections, thank god it wasnt apricot i dont think i could have bared another year of having everyone trust him.. hes really not someone to be trusted.

ok so i have much more to say but i have to go sleep but i was watching foolishs pov of the qsmp event going on rn, and i need to watch the cellbit rpg but i just find that tabletop shit confusing and frankly the rpg thing confused me but i think i can wrap my head around it. as always good morning, good day and good night.

[frosted-night]

oh! can you tell us more about how Jack is trans coded?

Oh boy I love this question! However I must preface that it is mostly leaning towards headcanon territory and this will contain spoilers for the books, so just a heads up.(Did I skim through all the books in preparation of this essay? Yes I did and Im recharging after this.)

Both Jacks of the book and movie have a core theme about them that they share, despite their narratives going in different directions. Identity and how it changes. Movie Jack wants to know his past to see if it has clues on who he is and what he should do. Book Jack also has to regain memories of his past but it isnt the sole focus of his journey. Rather he deals with growing up and being able to grow out of the mold he was created to serve.

Sooo where does the trans coding come into play? Well I kind of see it more in the books but the movie has a dash of it at the least. The books has Jack start out as a being called “Nightlight”. An interesting fact that it does serve as his name but it was also what he was. Another neat tidbit is how multiple people describe him

"By the time his feet hit the snowy ground, he looked every bit like a real boy, if a real boy could be carved out of mist and light and miraculously brought to life."- Book 1 page 7

"Sacsha grasped Nightlight's hand. It felt strange in hers, like it was made of air, light and crystals-" Book 2 page 133

"He was a childlike being, a celestial creature with vast powers."- Book 5 Page 55

So physically he looked like a child but everything else about him wasn’t. He could cry but not even bleed apparently. [Nightlight] couldn’t even sleep, since he was made to protect. Through his story there are sprinkles of his shades of envy for those who can do things he can’t. Like Katherine dreaming and such. It isn’t till its things like this that it really almost looks like a familiar kind of envy. "He has always been a Nightlight and Nightlights do the caring and protecting- He longs for the life of, as he calls it, a regular boy." - Book 5 Page 148 He wasn’t referred to by name here either. He was called “A Nightlight.” It’s almost fascinating how after he lost his status/powers as a Nightlight and learned there were others like him, that he decides to change his name. After being stagnant for so long and doing things for others, he gets the body he’s desired for so long and does whatever he wants with it. [Book 5 is very very messy describing this part but I’m gonna brush past it.]

[Nightlight’s] hair had long strands here and there with an undercut but Jack? Jack cut those flowing strands off and kept it short and a little shaggy. Jack ditched his old clothes once he felt like he could no longer feel comfortable in them and found what made him feel nice. Jack went from a starlight child to the boy he always wanted to be and it can be very trans coded if you view it just right. Even though Book 5 was very iffy on Jack isolating himself from the guardians for 100 years as he found himself, I could very much see Jack isolating himself for a shorter period, almost afraid of everyone possibly not accepting his new identity. Nightlight, kind of acting like his former self(Maybe a dead name even) and Jack as his transitioned self.

This is kind of where my headcanons slither in but Nightlights seem almost genderless except for how they present. So [Nightlight] becoming Jackson Overland Frost was a little more than growing up. His misty light body became flesh and the changes symbolized more than just growing up. (To me at least)

It’s just funny to me but this part in book 5 made me chuckle when thinking of writing this big ol text post. It was uttered by Pitch when he was begrudgingly thinking of Jack: "Nightlight. Jack Frost. Whatever name the boy had."- Page 21

Least Pitch learned not to deadname him. Diversity win!

Anyway, I hope this made some sense as to why I view Jack’s journey through a trans lens. It’s perfectly fine if anyone doesn’t see this way, it just brings me a source of comfort as someone who went on a similar journey to him, and I hope it brings someone else that same joy. Thanks for reading <3 

[storiesungaa]

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about: this is an indie mutuals only rp blog for a multimuse with various fandoms from tv shows, movies, anime, and video games. mun is 25+, genderfluid lesbian, goes by he/him pronouns (but i am genderfluid so i don’t mind she/her pronouns, most just call me he/him) online and name Jay. Previously known as Ares and Snow.

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content: there will be some pretty heavy material featured here. such as suicidal thoughts, mentions of rape, incest, and anything else I want to write. I will not tolerate hate being sent to me about this and I will block anyone who tries to police me. The only hard limit i have and absolutely refuse to write is pedophilia.

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note:  if you send memes multiple times and there’s clearly a way to continue them, ESPECIALLY if we’ve never interacted before, and you keep sending memes but have NO INTENTIONS on replying to them, I will be less likely to respond to them. memes, in my eyes, are used as alternatives to starters. if you don’t respond to them after i’ve responded to quite a few, that’s me putting work into it for no reason really, so yeah.

My triggers: Sharks. That’s it. Just tag pictures of sharks for me please

nsfw: smut will be present here. i can not play the dominant party in smut, please don't ask me too. if you don't feel comfortable with it, we can fade to black, easy peasy. i won't make myself uncomfortable for some smut. All muses involved in smut or ships are 18+. If you think that aging them up is pedophila, do me a favor and get off my blog. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.

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As previously stated, all ships and smut scenes are involved with characters 18+. I will never under any circumstance write something with underage characters. Characters, however, can be aged up but are never simply just for the sake of smut. Smut may happen with aged up characters but that does not mean it was done specifically for smut. Do not assume.

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writing: i generally prefer writing multi-para or novella. one-liners or one-paragraphs usually end up getting dropped or made into much longer threads as i have absolutely no chill. 

edit: from now on any drafts that are below three paras will be deleted, i don’t have muse for short things.

End note: Do me a favor and like this post if you’ve read my rules. Not needed but deeply appreciated. Also below you’ll find important links:

MUSES & NAVIGATION & MUSE INTEREST CHECKER & SHIP INTEREST CHECKER & COMMISSIONS INFORMATION & MOBILE MUSE LIST & THREAD TRACKER

[uncletrapperandaunthawkeye]

YOU HAVE A FANCAST FOR MUPPETS MASH??!

RIGHT SO YOU SENT THIS TO ME A MONTH AGO BECAUSE I ASKED FOR ASKS BECAUSE I COULDNT ESCAPE MY DESK. TURNS OUT MY THING WAS CANCELLED LAST MINUTE THEN I HAD THE WORLDS WORST MONTH AND SO IM ONLY GETTING TO THIS NOW BUT YES I DO IN FACT HAVE A FANCAST FOR MUPPETS MASH

ok the context behind this is during my final year at school i turned 18. thats the legal drinking age here in the uk so every few days when i was done with studying (that exam period lasted about three months) my dad and i would walk the dogs to the local pub, get a pint, then come back home for dinner.

the thing is, the local pub is about a 40 minute walk away on the most direct route, and the dogs have a lot of energy, so we would sometimes take different paths to elongate the walk.

during these walks my father didn’t want to stress me out or something so we talked instead about my two favourite things; mash, and the muppet show.

we came up with a casting that i can very easily defend nearly each and every point on because we walked a lot and made sure to examine each casting very carefully.

are you ready?

OK SO

[photo ID - a screenshot of a notes app with the listings below without explanations]

Gonzo as Klinger - obvious, they share so much! The nose! The gender! The shenanigans! I’d be offended if this wasn’t someone’s first choice. i’d like to write more but they’re just so alike and there’s more of this list to get through.

Fozzy as Trapper - sense of humour, terrible puns, curly hair of similar colours. mostly this one is about energy and vibes im not gonna lie. (pairs well with hawkeye but we’ll get to that later)

Miss Piggy as Margaret - like Klinger/Gonzo, this is obvious, and not just because they’re the only main women of their respective franchises. Both are strong, beautiful blonde women, who are proud of their femininity, but will not hesitate to punch someone in the face if they’re (rightly) offended. Furthermore, they’re both stern saps for the people they’re in love with and believe wholeheartedly that ‘if you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself’

Scooter as Radar - Scooter literally calls himself a ‘go for’ guy. Sound familiar? Runs the whole operation from the wings, wears glasses, and I’ve only just realised now; Scooter’s uncle owns the Muppet theatre. Who is in command of the 4077? Radar’s dad. That’s who.

Kermit as Col. Potter - ok so i realise that this one is pretty left field, but think about it. Kermit’s the boss. Col. Potter’s the boss. Kermit’s the straight man (figuratively). Col. Potter’s the straight man (figuratively). Kermit tends to show the important guests round the show and indulges in hijinks occasionally. What does Col. Potter do? The same! The similarities are stacking up!

Sweetums as Henry - If you don’t remember, sweetums is the human-size muppet that’s brown and has big teeth. Runs after the car in the muppet movie and the new muppet movie too actually huh good reference. Anyway, Sweetums tries to be scary but isn’t actually very good at it. Real softie. Sort of lopes around when he walks to and Henry ‘Spaghetti Limbs’ Blake is the same.

Statler and Waldorf as Hawkeye and BJ - look we bandied about with hawk or beej as kermit (hawk because he’s the main character, bj because he’s the clever ‘straight’ man) but neither really worked. then it hit us. Statler and Waldorf. They’re always together. They play off each other with puns like nobody’s business. They’re ‘debatably’ gay (they are). They’re perfect! (also works with fozzy’s trapper)

Uncle Deadly as Sidney Freedman - for those who don’t remember uncle deadly is the blue muppet also known as ‘The Phantom of The Muppet Show’ (see the Twiggy episode i think) anyway this one is also mostly vibes but he’s definitely a sort of refined but also a muppet through and through. has interesting insights and asks important questions. not in it much but sticks in peoples minds and is beloved by all

Sam Eagle as Col. Flagg - ok this one was close because frank is also very sam but col. flagg won out just for his suspicion of each and every other character. Very american. Very against anything that doesn’t vibe with their own personal hays code/bible. Very anti-communist but to a ridiculous extent. Slightly intimidating are the lengths that they will go to. As I write this i realise it could be up for debate to swap with frank because my frank defence isn’t very strong

Rowlf as Father Mulcahy -  genial. loved by all. plays piano. i’d trust him with my every secret and life. what more can be said?

Animal as Frank - [i’d like to preface this with mentioning that animal is one of my favourites but i go a little hard on him here] ok this one is pretty weak but undeniably a part of the muppets, has a terrible temper that’s kinda scary sometimes. Super sexist. hm. i wouldn’t like to hang out alone with either. usually a goofus though just a bit peculiar. minus points because frank doesn’t play the drums but hey neither does flagg (radar does but it doesn’t work). i realise now that they should definitely swap but you asked about the og fancast and i’m giving it to you

The Swedish Chef as Igor - chef. bad at it. love him anyway.

Rizzo the Rat as Rizzo - named rizzo, hangs out with gonzo/klinger a lot, always has a scheme on the side and a tiny but hot temper

That’s where the notes end, but not my heart (or the casting in it)

 I’d like to add Camilla (the chicken) and her ‘Princesses of Poultry’ (other chickens) as the nurses. I know that Camilla is with Gonzo and that doesn’t work but hey Klinger went on a few absolutely adorable dates with Kellye my beloved so maybe? Anyway the chickens as the nurses because they often switch names (interchangeable) and are integral to the show but aren’t often credited as such.

ANYWAY I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER I’VE HAD THE WORLD’S WOST MONTH IT WAS VERY SAD BUT THIS REALLY CHEERED ME UP

FEEL FREE ANYBODY TO MESSAGE ME OR @ ME OR INBOX ME ABOUT THE MUPPETS BECAUSE AND ESPECIALLY ABOUT THE MUPPETS AND MASH BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS 100% DOWN TO TALK

also if anyone can figure out where to put dr teeth and the electric mayhem please let me know its killing me

THANK YOU ANON YOU’VE MADE MY DAY

[ectonurites]

My least favorite type of fic!Tim is when he’s portrayed as depressed/very mentally and emotionally unstable, but also at the same time as someone who is like lauded as being super dangerous/the most skilled or something like that?? Those fics where Tim is chugging caffeine and barely sleeping, but characters are still like “oh I wouldn’t wanna piss off Tim he is Dangerous” and that’s annoying enough but then there are fics that at the same time as that portray him as like on the edge of a breakdown. It’s very irritating even if I’m not sure I can articulate exactly why, it just really rubs me the wrong way. Like, I definitely do think Tim has some issues with depression and stuff, but in fics like those it’s treated more like a quirk sort of instead of a serious issue

LMAOO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT i’m not a fan of that either. I’m apologizing in advance if I sound mean in any of this critique i’m about to give of that fanon version of him. I want to preface this by saying that people can write whatever the hell they want, like, they’re allowed to! And I’m not referencing/calling out any specific works here. Just trends. But I’m gonna bitch about some things I’ve noticed that annoy me, personally. (so again, not saying other people can’t enjoy this stuff! just. not for me)

so like sorry if im mean but this is just me ranting and also this is my blog anyways so:

(nobody take this as an attack on them please because it’s really not)

The problem is a lot of those fics seem to interpret Tim’s behavior in Red Robin (& especially like that last whole arc of his Robin run also by FabNic) as if that’s his normal, rather than the result of a few years of CONSTANT traumatic incidents pushing him to a breaking point (because while all the shit he went through with his Dad, Steph, Kon, Bart, and then Bruce dying was spread out over several years for us as readers, it’s regarded as like within two years in canon! It all happens when he’s 16 and 17. According to the Batman comic right after War Games, Jack was murdered only days after Steph died.

(Batman #634)

That’s a LOT to process for one kid jesus christ) 

I love Red Robin honestly, I do, but it is about Tim at the lowest points in his life. It’s the grand finale of Tim’s story, and everything crumbles, that’s kinda the point! The end leaves him in a position to either rebuild himself or fall apart. It’s all about how he chooses to continue after this point!

(Red Robin #26)

The way he acts and the things he does in that comic should be regarded as such. He can’t live the way he does in Red Robin forever or he will literally burn himself out/become something unrecognizable, like, jesus it’s kinda even acknowledged in the comic when he thinks about what his potential futures would be if he keeps it up like he’s doing:

(Red Robin #25)

He sees himself as dead, as Batman (which he has countless times said he doesn’t want to be and at this point in his history almost every time he’s seen a future he became Batman in he had become a killer), or needing to retire and taking over an Oracle-esque role, likely because he exerted himself too much to continue. 

When you look at him around this same timeframe when he’s not isolating himself/too deep into the mission and is instead working with his friends back on the Titans, you can see that he is starting to heal and work in a more positive direction. He’s choosing to work on coming out of this rough period by being together with his friends who he loves.

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

Not to say that you can’t write about situations in which he doesn’t start to come out of it, but if you are doing so it’s something you should be taking seriously because that’s the idea you want to explore, not just acting like it’s perfectly okay or normal? (And again, there are a lot of works that do explore it in good ways, there’s just also a LOT that don’t)

Like, so much content I see just make any sadness and depression and tendency to over-work himself that’s rooted in his traumas (which! those do have a basis in canon!) into a quirky personality trait rather than a response to trauma. Acting as if he’s always been this way and it’s normal for him. That’s what bothers me. If people want to seriously explore the effects of all these incidents and how that plays into his ability to do his job as a hero, then hell yes do it! But when it all gets brushed off as ‘oh thats just tim, he just doesnt eat or sleep or feel any happiness but like its fine he’s just always been like that’ I feel my blood boil. 

This also often strikes me as related/tied to fanon’s seemingly never-ending quest to make Tim into this victim of so many things he really wasn’t. They make his childhood 10x worse than it actually was (yes he was lonely because he was sent to boarding schools rather than having his parents around, but he was NOT just left home alone all the time as a child. 

(Batman #441)

He snuck away during a school vacation week to follow Bruce one (1) time and to then track down Dick. This is established in his introduction story! PLEASE read Lonely Place of Dying!) and it just... going with those fanon assumptions as being true changes so much of how people characterize him! 

Some people will also (not to call out tim/kon shippers especially because I  literally am also one but) vilify the shit out of Steph and make their relationship out to be some abusive thing rather than just... a messy teen relationship between vigilantes because they had really complicated lives and baggage with one another? Which they both acknowledge they made mistakes in!

(Red Robin #10)

Or people will vilify the shit out of Dick in regards to the situation at the start of Red Robin, or literally just make anyone who Tim ever had a disagreement with out to be the bad guy despite the actual situations always being way more complex and multi-faceted than that.

And then on top of all that, aside from making him into this ‘im broken 24/7 and not doing anything to fix it also everyone around me is terrible to me’ type of character, because he’s a lot of people’s favorite, they also want him to be as cool and strong as he is at his high points. So they’re projecting all this stuff onto him that makes him what should be a barely functioning person but then also act like that’s fine and he’s able to be a dangerous badass on top of it. 

Like I’m sorry but someone who is going out and actively acting as a vigilante like that which is incredibly physically taxing is NOT surviving on coffee alone and no sleep. That’s literally not possible, he’d fucking collapse. (And like, again, if you want to explore him pushing himself to that point, that’s one thing! but acting like he can manage all of that for more than a few days at a time/maybe while working on one really tough case is nuts!) and like, even canon can be a little guilty of this type of thing particularly since the New 52 (Detective Comics 2016 had more than a few references to him barely sleeping, but at least they also made references to him eating normally/healthily and he wasn’t completely self isolating or anything) (and also that comic had him be so self sacrificial he was ready to die to save everyone and only didn’t die because of Mr.Oz’s interference, he’s definitely not in his best place there) but usually it’s still within some realm of possibility.

Also like. The fanon ‘chugging coffee to survive thing’ just annoys the shit out of me because, like, yes there’s a few moments in canon where he’s under a lot of pressure and pushing himself further than he normally would and had some coffee (one of the only times I can even remember him having it on panel is... oh... during that last Robin arc I just mentioned a little while ago shouldn’t be where you source your normal characterization of him because it’s a very difficult situation that pushes him further than he normally would go! huh!) But the thing is like, people play it off for laughs, or like it’s a normal thing he would do at any time in his life! If you want to explore him pushing himself and using coffee as a crutch, like, there’s ways you can write it that takes it seriously, but almost every time I see it come up in fics it is like a core part of his personality and just ‘oh haha silly tim always with his entire pot of coffee he must chug every morning or he’ll die :^)’ And that bothers the hell out of me. 

In general it’s just... people treat Tim so weird. They want him to be so many different things that he’s shown himself to be at different times for very specific reasons, except they want him to do all of it at the same time which just doesn’t work. A person can’t function like that, and it’s not even close to who he is in canon. 

Again, people can do what they want, and this is just my opinion obviously, but yeah. My two cents on the matter.  Read Lonely Place of Dying, read Young Justice, read his Robin run. Read his comics and get a feel for who he was before all the rest of his trauma, and see how he canonically reacts to it along the way. I know reading comics can be tough for some people but so much stuff just echo chambers and becomes barely recognizable in this fandom and it’s just... a shame when it happens with a character ya love. 

[jiminspjm]

Blanket Kick + J. Jungkook 01

❋ a series of events between you and jeon jungkook. [based of bangtans song, blanket kick/embarrassed]

❋ a/n: am i the worst moot ever? yes. this is a late birthday present for @yoonsgiggle my amazing moot, i hope you like this hehe. the parts are very short but i will be updating every other day hopefully hehe, im not sure how many parts this will have but definitely no more than 5!!

⇢ [characters] : jeon jungkoon x oc ft. ot6

⇢ [rated] : NC-17 (strong language)

⇢ [glossary]: fluff, smut (future), roomates!au, childhood friends to lovers, humor, and a whole side of sexual tension ;)

⇢ [index]: 2.2k

⇢[preface]: none.

“I was too shy to become your sun so I became a cold moon.”

-

“I think Jungkook is mad at me, but I can’t tell.” You sighed, pushing around the broccoli on your plate. Jimin and Yoongi both looked up at you, watching as your face fell into a deep frown.

“Why would he be mad at you? Isn’t that like, against best friend code?” Jimin teased, trying to lighten the mood. Your lips turned up for a moment before going back into a thin line. Jimin sighed, looking at Yoongi and shrugging.

“He lost is blanket his mom gave him.” Yoongi said, biting into a fry. You heard Jimin’s fork screech against his plate, causing you to whip your head up towards Yoongi.

“He what?” You said, leaning towards the blonde man. Yoongi nodded, rubbing his hands together and nodding.

“Yeah, he can’t find it. So that’s probably why he is being distant.” Yoongi finished. You groaned inwardly. The blanket Yoongi is referring to is Jungkook’s baby blanket, that his mom gave him. His mother passed away a few hours after he was born, due to some health complications. Him and his father lived in your neighborhood when you were children, and your parents and you had just moved into the neighborhood. You can remember the day your mom told you to bring some brownies to your new neighbors, and a boy, a bit taller than you opened the door. Wide brown eyes, and a head of fluffy hair was the first thing you saw. The shy smile morphed into a distinct toothy, bunny smile once you showed the desert. After that day, you and Jungkook never left each other's side.

You went to the same elementary, and secondary school. Jungkook was a year older than you, but because of your proficiency you got to skip a grade. Even in high school as you two navigated life together, through all the pains that were breakups, school work, periods, and friends. You will never forget the day that you cried for about two hours, because you wished your boobs were bigger. Jungkook’s response was, “At least you have a nice ass.” Which made you cry even more.

You both got into the same university, and bought an apartment together. Three years later, you 21 and him 22, nothing has changed. Well, except you’re hopeless pining for your best friend that was definitely way out of your league. But that’s besides the point. You have never left his side, and weren’t planning too. This situation though, was worrisome.

“Hey, isn’t it both of your birthdays this week?” Jimin asked. You nodded, a small smile on your face. You and Jungkook were born on the same day, different years. Which he always teases you about, feeling relieved about the whole formality thing. He just didn’t want to have to call you noona. Not like you would have made the nerd anyway.

“Yeah, and that’s why I need to find his blanket,” You said, sliding out from the booth. Shuffling through your backpack you found your wallet and threw some money on the table. “That should cover mine, and please bring Jungkook something?” You asked, zipping your backpack.

“Yeah sure, but where the hell do you think you are going? It’s gonna rain soon!” Yoongi shouted at you.

You were already out the door.

-

“I’m not a pencil but I keep getting dark thoughts toward you.”

Maybe you should have listened to Jimin when he said it was going to rain, and maybe you should have driven your own car to the cafe, but we all make mistakes right. Mistakes such as you running across campus to the baseball field while it was pouring rain. Was catching a cold worth it for Jungkook? Absolutely. Was digging through bright red dirt to find his blanket worth it? Yes. And was finding that blanket buried in the sand worth it just to possibly see the look on his face worth it? Always. I bet you are wondering how the hell his blanket ended up on the baseball diamond across campus.

Well, usually you attend his games and use said blanket when it’s cold. You, being an idiot, left the blanket on the bleachers to run onto the dirt to congratulate him on a win. How said blanket ended up in dirt, no clue. Probably the devil punishing you for leaving Jungkook’s prized possession behind.

All in all, you jogged half a mile in the rain back to you and Jungkook’s apartment. You were hoping he had class so you could quickly wash and dry the blanket, and leave it on his bed and act like nothing happened. But that wasn’t the case when you open the door, and see Jungkook sitting on the counter in the kitchen, spooning peanut butter from the jar. Your eyes widen at the same time his does, as he drops the spoon on the floor with a clatter. Luckily you were smart enough to chuck your backpack at your friends Mimi’s dorm before you went on your blanket hunt. So the only thing ruined was your dignity was the fact you were dripping wet, and had red sand all over you.

Before you could speak, Jungkook hopped off the counter, his black, curly, fluffy hair bounced as he rushed over to you. His silver earrings swung slightly as he looked you up and down, eyes zoned in on the material clutched in your hand. Looking down as well, a shy smile came across your face.

“I’m really-!” Your apologies were cut short when Jungkook wrapped his arm around your waist, the other gripping onto your wet hair as he pulled your smaller frame into his embrace. Immediately your senses were overwhelmed by laundry detergent and the faint smell of peanut butter. Confused, you wrapped your arms around him slowly.

“I was so worried, Jimin and Yoongi said they head no clue where you were.” Jungkook muttered into your hair. You relaxed into him, leaning into his hold.

“I’m sorry, my phone was in my backpack and I didn’t have it with me.” You spoke softly, fingering at the material of his hoodie. Jungkook, didn’t say anything as he held you for a few more moments. The only sound present is the gentle rainfall heard outside.

Jungkook, began to pull away and he examined you for any damage. Not meeting his gaze, you extended the soiled blanket to him.

“I’m sorry for forgetting it. It’s my fault, I’m really sorry Guk. That was super irresponsible of me,” You muttered, guilty tears brimming in your eyes. You felt his fingers brush against yours as he took the blanket from you. Stepping forward, he gripped his fingers beneath your chin to look at him. His face was slightly distorted through the tears, as he gently brushed away the tear that went down your jaw. He smiled gently and leaned down and pressing a kiss against the corner of your mouth.

Cheeks heating up furiously, even though you were crying, was only something Jungkook is capable of. You blinked a few times, looking up at him a grin is plastered on his stupid face.

“Thank you for finding it, sweetheart.” Jungkook said, smiling gently. Sniffling a few times, from the cold, and the tears you smiled at him. Sighing, you sniffled and became very aware of the fact you were still wet and dirty. Literally.

“As much as I would love to cry some more, I’m dirty and cold, and I’m gonna get the floors dirty.” You joked, trying to make yourself feel better. Jungkook snorted, and walked towards you before dipping down and picking you up by the back of your thighs.

A sound of protest came from your mouth, as he wrapped your legs around his lean waist. Heat burst through your whole body as you tried to balance yourself.

“Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing?” You cried, placing your arms on his shoulders. Jungkook ignored your cries and rested his warm palms on the skin of your hips beneath your crewneck.

“Your all wet, and you already dripped all over the foyer, I don’t want the wood floors dirty.” He hummed, smoothing his thumbs across your skin, causing heat to bloom on your goosebumped skin. Nodding, you allowed him to carry you into your shared bathroom.

Flicking the light on, Jungkook hummed to himself quietly. Setting you on the counter, he turned to the cabinets behind him and grabbed a towel and placed if on the hook behind the door.

“Okay, shower you nerd.” Jungkook teased, flicking your nose and walking out of the bathroom and shutting the door with a gentle click.

Releasing the breath you didn’t know you were holding, you got off the counter and turned to face the mirror. Red dirt was smudged along your cheeks and clothes, staining the fabric of your shoes as well. Huffing, you walked towards the shower and turned the crystal knob. A spurt of water echoed in the chamber, as you closed the glass door.

Pulling off your shoes, pants and hoodie, you balled them all together, and shoved them in the trash. Goosebumps surfaced along your exposed skin, as you peeled off your wet underwear and bra. Tossing those in the hamper behind the door, you stepped into the shower.

Scrubbing your skin with body wash, and thoroughly cleaning out the dirt from your hair you allowed the steam and hot water to warm your body. Eventually your skin began to prune, forcing you to get out. Opening the door, you stepped out and grabbed your towel. Wiping your body down, and slapping on some body lotion, you began to search for your clothes but came up empty handed.

“Fuck,” you muttered. The only option was to go out there into you and Jungkook’s room and get some clothes. Sucking in a breath, you grasped the handle to the door and opened it. Not expecting Jungkook to be on the other side, shirtless with some of your clothes neatly folded in his hands.

Was it hot in here? Or is it just Jungkook.

Shaking your head, your grip on the doorknob became extremely tight. You tried to not let your eyes wander along his toned abdomen. The golden skin rippled with tight muscles, ink trailing across the skin to create intricate designs. The black band of his armani boxers were peeking from the top of his sweats, which lead up to deep muscles around his hips, creating a distinct ‘V’ shape. You were pretty sure your face was a nice shade of pink, and it wasn’t from the steam of the shower.

“See something you like, sweetheart?” Jungkook’s low voice spoke. The statement made you snap your head up to meet his stare. He had a cocky grin spread across his face. What a little shit.

“You wish you dweeb. Give me my clothes.” You said, keeping your voice stable and holding out a hand. Jungkook smirked and shook his head, strands of his fluffy hair fell above his brow.

“Mmm, but you called me a dweeb, and that wasn’t very nice.” Jungkook teased, stepping into the bathroom. You took a step back, glaring at him.

“I can call you worse,” you bit back. Jungkook’s stupid, cocky grin was still plastered over his stupid, attractive face. You didn’t realise he lead you to the tub until the cold tile hit the back of your calves.

Catching yourself, you tightened your hold on your towel as you scowled at him. Jungkook set your clothes on the lid to the toilet, and took a step towards you. You audibly shuddered when his hands trialed across your bare arm, the touch leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. Jungkook hummed, fingers trailing down your arm till he reached your hand.

Before you could ask him what the hell he was doing, he yanked your hand to his bare chest, causing your body to press tightly against his. His arm wound around your waist, pulling your hips to his.

You audibly let out a sound as his larger palm engulfed your own. His skin was warm and hard beneath your fingers. You could feel practically every ridge and dip of his muscles even with a towel on. His fingers gripped roughly into your hips, as his lips skimmed across your bare shoulder- his warm breath ghosting over the skin.

You bit your lip hard, trying to hold back the groan that was threatening to escape your lips. Jungkook chuckled beneath his breath. Bastard.

“Don’t call me names, sweetheart. Where are your manners?” Jungkook whispered into your ear. You whined lowly, curling your fingers against his skin. The one hand that was holding up your towel was now on his chest as well. You felt the cloth begin to slip, the only thing holding it up was your sanity, which was practically thinning, and also the fact that your breasts were pushed against Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook hummed lowly before letting go of your body, and walking towards the door. Blinking a few times, you now became cold at the loss of body heat.

Jungkook was already outside the bathroom, hand on the knob. He winked at you, and then proceeded to close the door. Right as the click resonated through the bathroom, the thump of your towel hit the tile.

[petergriffinhateblog-blog]

you hate watch a show so regularly you dissociate maybe it's time to stop

alright so on the off chance i sound really rude at the next thing i’m going to say, i want to preface it with the idea that it’s not intentional, i just have poor wording when it comes to my own mental status

anyway, i’ve been pretty anonymous as far as this blog goes, but i have a very long record of hatefully doing things. if i stopped doing this blog, i’d just be doing something else hatefully.

like.. once, i had an english teacher in high school who was gushing over twilight back when it came out (yea, i know, im fuckin old), and i happened to take her for this weird “private reading” class (which was basically where u just. read a book for the whole period, and then sometimes u had to turn in book reports to show u were reading. i have no idea why it was a class, but it was a very good de-stress period because.. u weren’t required to do anything for an hour but sit down and read whatever u wanted), so.. i spitefully read all the twilight series books in her class, spitefully wrote a long ass book report about it, spitefully bought an edward cullen cardboard cutout [link to pic], spitefully bought my crush an edward cullen action figure and myself a bella swan one [idk where i put it but heres a funko pop i got], spitefully put up six posters around my room [link to calendar of 2012 thats p much all that remains up], etc.

i was really mad back then, and hate-obsessing is something i’m very good at. like this isn’t even scratching the surface of shit i’ve done, but the more i talk the more i feel like i’m giving away who i am- which isn’t much of anyone, i’m a nobody, but this was a Secret Side Project and the more i talk about my actual life, the less Secret and Side it feels.

long story short: don’t worry about me anon my character trait is being spiteful and hateful towards these things. i actually think it may be one of the only things that helped me survive my depression throughout the years, s..somehow.

[phaedrus227a]

An Early Thought on Photography and Death...

(Watchman -- Jasper Johns, 1964).

Preface:

The following was written roughly two years ago in a strange yet momentous period of my life... 

...where I was intensely embroiled with doubts concerning my religious belief (which has now metamorphosed into a weakling pseudo-absurdism), an unhealthy admiration of Roland Barthes’s prosaic style (the original draft had a lot more semi-colons), and a giant and inchoate attempt at designing an entire thesis -- very little screams more “undergraduate” than this -- on the militant politicization of art via the presupposition that art is a priori a function of didacticism. The lattermost emerged from a fight I had with a friend on a Sunday morning at Memorial Glade, who I believed hazarded my love for him by being so anti-intellectual that I felt it was only my duty to save our friendship by launching an entire treatise on why he was so (so) wrong. Needless to say, I was a pesky and vindictive little snatch that had just finished his core curriculum for critical theory, and at that time was all too ready to flex a lexicon for which I clearly lacked serious nuance and knowledge.

All neurotic attempts to excuse the following aside, I think it is worth recording here simply because the spontaneous conclusions reached therein illustrate the kind of machinations from which I developed most of the thoughts and opinions I seriously entertain in the present. Movement, the fetishism of mortality -- tropes that enmesh in my current expressions. And to some extent, when I look back at my style and my intensity and my temperament, I’m slightly wistful -- wistful that I was so blindly confident in expressing my opinion, and even in writing a succession of sentences that marched on with that distinct and reckless passion of a new initiate. I’m immobile in comparison, now. But I still am a university student, so I suppose it’s silly for me to be wistful, some may say...but thought now presupposes a lack that only grows larger when I attempt to articulate it...Antonio’s first line in The Merchant of Venice, the conditions of the Faustian deal, Lacan’s psychoanalysis...

Anyways, here it is. 

“On Photography”

The photograph is to me an expression of a fundamental fear of death. For what does it mean to take a photograph? It is first to understand that there is a thing, and then that its relation to the photographer is one of aura (cf. Walter Benjamin), and lastly that there is an exigency to possess that thing in some capacity. The subject of the photograph is typically that of a moment intuited to be precious, like a marmalade sunset, or the birthday of a dear friend. Otherwise, it is a portrait of a being or of a mood – nevertheless the photograph is by definition an attempt to capture the transient. Yet the capacity is that of virtual simulation, it is ritualistic; it has an eternity in its modality; it’s aura, moreover, affects its physicality inasmuch as it does its spirituality. For if I went into one’s attic and marked or cut a photograph of one’s deceased aunt, would not I be committing – and one feels this on their body and on their soul – a grossly mortifying transgression?

There is therefore a kind of religious credence involved in the attitude toward the photograph, an animism, or at the very least the existence of associations that are at once deeply personal and transcendent to what we immediately are. We understand that the thing, in its encounter with us, like that of the burning bush, has such a significance that we cannot hazard its memory to our forgetful minds, so we render it – before with a shock of light and gear, now with a silent shutter – to what we subconsciously believe promises permanence. Experience as opposed to eternity. Can one say that the numinous with which we place faith in the notion of a thing, and the notion that it has such a meaning such that we are quickened to capture it, identifies with that of the fear of God?

Maybe so, but more immediately this set of attitudes belie a specific philosophy of existence. “There exists something”…what if, and here I am trying to signify the truth of this thesis reductio ad absurdum, one did not fear death? Meaning, that death is not a state but something that happens; consequently, life is not existent but existing and will soon be not death but being not. What if one saw life thus as a movement? As a phenomenon rather than a state? It throws off pretensions to permanence, for one, and reveals the dishonesty with which one sees something as a thing. Would there really be an exigency to capture anything if that thing will never be what it was in its moment of perception, that one has caught it in one of its infinite shifting modes, and that even the photograph itself will be subject to the relentless weather of time? 

But what of aura? What becomes of the cult of eternity? Does the removal of the fear of death effectively deny the validity of religion? No, nor does it imply necessarily that life, a firelight that extinguishes faster than its burning, is devoid of meaning. No – there is not the removal of aura but perhaps a different one, one that celebrates time rather than a rebellion against it. When one lets go of the fear of one’s death, when one accepts life to be like that of a certain wave in congeries of waves, there results a gentle cult of mortality. Things become and remain and vanish beautifully precisely because they once are but will never be again. I am suggesting here that the reality of life and all of its contingencies is its beauty; I am cautioning those who obsess over eternity with images of despair – a boy who loses his sand structure to the ebbing tide, a man who loses a friend, and the graying moribund who mutter tired verses of hope. Let us welcome an aesthetics of death…as for the idea of life beyond, let us first be content with the life that is, and will soon be very well as never have been.  

[raganandhersurveys]

2/20/19~LXVII

1. How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years?

•at the moment i’m really happy with it. i’m trying to grow it out so it’s really long for the summer. I cut it a long time ago and regretted it so i’ll probably keep it long for a while anyway

2. How do you practice truly living in the moment?

•if i’m being honest, I don’t do very well at it. I’m always thinking about my future. but I think one way is to stay off my phone. I find that that really makes me focus in

3. Do you think most abusers know they’re being abusive?

•I think it depends on the person. honestly abuse is abuse. no matter your mental state. technically people who may have some mental issues may not know they are being abusive. but i’d say most do. it’s about power and control and maybe they were somehow abused in the past. but again that should not be an excuse

4. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media?

•well i’m guilty, i’ll look up my ex bf every once in a while. as far as my man looking up his exes, I don’t really care. he’s had some toxic relationships so I doubt he checks up on them

5. What perfume does your SO love on you?

•he doesn’t really have a preference but he seems to notice when I wear anything vanilla. like Pink’s ‘warm and cozy’

6. Have you made any(at least semi-) permanent alterations to your appearance? If so, how did you find the experience and do you regret it?

•I don’t have any

7. What are some ways you make yourself feel good before you start your day?

•listening to music, eating a breakfast that I actually like, knowing that I have everything I need done

8. Women with disabilities/ anxiety/ depression/other mental illnesses, how do you get it across to your SO/friends that sometimes you just can’t do something?

•this really doesn’t apply to me

9. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not?

•I mean I guess I do prefer cologne. but his natural smell(when it isn’t after a basketball game and smells bad ;) is pretty nice

10. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring?

•umm definitely should lol. if you’re committed to someone, the least you could do is wear your wedding band

11. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children?

•well at 16 im not planning on starting a family anytime soon. but i’ve always loved kids. I guess that first started with my mom because she’s a 1st grade teacher and loves kids. and the thought of watching my children grow and learn and mature is just like a dream.

12. How do you feel about men who preface statements on non-gendered things with “as a guy”?

•lol I don’t care

13. Does anyone else just HAVE to wear pajamas/lounge clothes when you’re at home?

•for sure!!

14. Ladies, what’s the silliest thing you do with your SO?

•dance and jam to music honestly

15. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have?

•yes!!! for me at least lol:) i have a pinterest board and everything!

16. What would your reaction be if your SO wanted the opposite type of wedding than you did?

•we’d compromise of course. but honestly a lot of the wedding is the bride’s decision because her family ultimately pays for for it lmao

17. What kind of body type do you find attractive and unattractive? (for your preferred sex)?

•I like tall muscular guys who are athletic but i’m pretty open to anything;i’m not gonna lie and say I don’t love abs;) i’m not into skinny guys tbh. and since i’m 5’1 I don’t really have to worry about height because most people are at least an inch taller than me

18. How do you feel about strangers approaching you with compliments?

•I love that! it’s so sweet and thoughtful. our society deems everything awkaward. like bitch it takes a lot to make me feel uncomfortable

19. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you?

•I mean I wouldn’t consider it cheating but i’d be extremely upset

20. Would you be more offended if your man cheated on you with a guy or a girl?

•I mean cheating period is wrong. but considering i’m straight and go for straight guys, it would be worse if it was a guy ig