#and im already so paranoid and then its the whole catastrophising about giving it to my family
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*stays up all night and experiences tiredness* oh god.........fatigue......i have coronavirus..........i have to chug rubbing alcohol and soap........
#having ocd while this is happening is really. freaking. im.. really...really..suffering#im not a germaphobe per se#its just the#idk#maybe i am a germaphobe#its more like#its like i can feel........ molecules#its like i can feel individual molecules of infection getting on me and getting in me like i can see germs and feel them#and im already so paranoid and then its the whole catastrophising about giving it to my family#i have therapy tomorrow but i just#dont think my therapist will help me with this#like i wont believe whatever she says#i am so stressed out its killing me#like im so stressed out its making me sick and then the sick feeling is making me think i have it and it just#folds in on itself and is horrible and.. i cant deal#i do not knowww what to do#i appreciate u guys telling me its not actually serious and everything i really really do and youre probably right#but like. i cannot will myself to believe anyone who is saying that. my brain is literally messed up#and i keep going to other ppl for reassurance but then i just get pissed off when they say its not a big deal#bc im like how can you say that. its right in front of you. my family is going to die and youre saying its not a big deal.#but then im like wait. im literally being insane. but im not though bc its true but........it sounds insane to everyone else#and i dont have anything to help bc i know i will not believe my therapist when she says its not a big deal
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