#and if this how do you do fellow kids shithead does a better job of being malleus's right hand than him he will fucking wither and die

[basedjamil]

silly little retainerswap au . . . baur was a bodyguard for one of kalim's ancestors; kalim is at NRC specifically so that sebek can go without abandoning his post. the vipers are the traditional retainers for briar valley's royalty and they REALLY disapprove of lilia for book 7 spoilers reasons

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

You are not ACAB. You're an asshole

SO this post has been a long time coming and I have sent a rant to several people to look over it for me just so I could get opinions. And most agreed with what I had to say. However it was mean, callous, and too "I'm ok being an shithead" for my taste.

If I am being 100% honest, people hate cops just to hate cops. It's not because there are cops that do wrong. It's just because they are told to/programmed to hate cops. Ok, so why do I say that?

Well a few reasons.

For the past 40 years *minimum* it has been a point of the media to showcase any time a cop does anything bad. Because what better way to "Reach the people" than to assuage them with a "Hello fellow Americans. Doesn't it suck with cops get on our ass about stuff".

Social media has been using bait for years in order to get more traffic to more links and articles. This alone has made rage baiting as an entirety more of an issue.

Because of both of the above, there was a time when alt media *at the time* and social media worked in tandem to constantly show off instances of cops being assholes or outright doing things that were illegal.

So what does this mean. Well it means that you are under a notion that is already provided to you. "Cops are ruthless bad guys that don't do anything for anyone at all".

Except that's not even remotely true. What is true is that often, any positive stories involving cops is buried or glossed over and only ever talked about in very local reports. What's more a cops job is to do the right thing. So when a cop does do the right thing, the understanding is that they are not meant to receive praise. However, that is lopsided in how it works. It more or less means that you are under the LARGEST of microscopes, and if you fuck up at ALL, then you end up as a youtube video that reinforces that "Cops are bad guys" or "Cops are stupid and annoying". Rather than the truth which is that cops themselves are human beings.

Now. I can already see the comment from the shitheads. "ACAB EXISTS BECAUSE-" Shut it. I don't care. Unlike most of you I understand nuance. And more than that, I've had poor run-in's with cops. I have also had to work along side them as private security as well. And my mother, who's not shy about telling people they fucked up, worked as Dispatch and as a Secretary for the PD in the small city we lived in. "Oh well then your brainwashed", you can say that but it does not make you right.

Unlike you, clearly I'm able to think critically about subjects where as you are not. Am I a "Back the Blue" cultist? Absolutely not. I'm solely in the camp of Abolish Unions and hold officers to account for what they do wrong.

However, having said that, Cops duty to uphold the law sometimes manifests in ways that we don't like. Like Uvalde. The cops were in their rights to stop the shooter, but the top brass would have decimated any officer that decided to not follow his order of standing down. I don't think that's ok. Hell that entire chain of command should have faced a lawsuit. But where they DID properly enforce the law, is stopping parents from going in. Because had a parent gone by cops in order to stop the shooter, at that point, it legally could have been considered vigilantism.

Regardless of the moral implications of that, fact is, that's the truth.

So why am I making this post? Mostly because ignorant people exist in this world and their only reason for living at all is just to hate. "All cops are bastards"? Are you so sure? I wonder how many people in the US over the past 100+ years have been saved by cops. I wonder how many kids have been rescued from abuse. I wonder how many women have been saved from rape. I wonder how many kids have been save from gang violence or drug dealing.

Saying, "All cops are bastards" is no different than saying, "Yes all men". Functionally you are saying the same thing. And while you may say, "Hey that's not the same one is an immutable trait and the other is a job", to which I'll say, sure. Except you are making a gross generalization. Which IS the same. And ignores every single decent, good, great cop that exists out there. And every single good cop that has ever existed.

In my last post talking about this, I stated that people that are ACAB don't really hate cops. They just hate that they can't break the law without consequences. And I still believe that, but let me add a bit of nuance to that.

Most of the people that hate cops are programmed to hate cops. Because, like the media does, it picks something that will engage you, and will put it in front of you any way it knows how to. There are also a lot of people out there that hate cops because they can't break the law. That's also very true.

However there is another group that exists and it's Anarchists. Now, I have followers and people that I follow that are Anarchists. And while I view them as different from Tankies, Fundamentally they share the same, "Ideal Utopia" idea. Which is that, "Under my ideals, the world would be better". Except it won't be. It will be warlords and dictators forming groups. Assuming that we don't get taken over by Islamic Extremists, China, or the UN. Their ideals aside, they hate "The State" in all it's forms. And if you are fine with any form of "State" they will quite literally go off on a tirade of why you are a bootlicker. *Sigh*

Now, the last of these groups is just people that either 1) Do not understand what goes into being a cop and just hates them based on baseless notions, or 2) People that have had bad run-in's with cops and take that notion out on ALL cops.

So for these last two sets, things are difficult to deal with. Because they will go out of their way often to not care about how hard it is to be a cop. What do I mean?

Well for starters, cops are expected to be perfect at all times.

Perfect Aim

Perfect knowledge of all laws both federal and local

Perfect judgement at all times

Perfect execution of force at all times

Perfect response at all times

Perfect awareness of surroundings at all times

Perfect ability to listen to the law but also not piss off people breaking the law

And I could go on. Humans are fundamentally imperfect. They always will be. So expecting a cop to be perfect is like asking your SO where they want to eat every day for a month and them knowing right away. Unless you're a LIAR it's not going to happen. Same such, cops can't be perfect. Combine that with having to both uphold the law AND be sure to follow the law at the same time, then combine that with the dangers of the job, the fact that human beings are ANIMALS that are violent by nature, and unpredictable on top of which, with use of force laws. And yeah. You don't have a good time. It becomes a huge issue of people that are like, "Why didn't just just tase him?" or "Why didn't you just shot the gun out of his hand" or better yet, "He only had a knife and was threatening to kill someone. Why'd did you have to shoot him, you are not judge jury and executioner."

And that's where you are both right and wrong.

Right in the fact that they are not a Jury. Wrong about the fact that they are not acting in their capacity to judge a situation, and execute those that are too great a risk to subdue. And if you ever talk to a person that does MMA, subduing a person is not as easy as you think. More over, Tasers are not considered, "non-lethal". In a lot of cases they are considered lethal because you are delivering a shock, meant to incapacitate someone. Meaning that you have the risk of permanently injuring them, OR killing them if their heart stops. Hell you could also in theory turn them into a vegetable.

But sadly no one considers all of these things. And only people familiar with cops and how their jobs work, know any of this.

Am I justifying bad, or even evil cops with this post? No. I think cops fundamentally need more training. I also think that they need frequent psychological evaluations to see the effect of the work on them. Because some of the things you see in your capacity as an officer can be gruesome. Dead bodies. People that have been mutilated. Dead kids from drugs or gang shootings. And the list goes on and on and on.

Recently I made a post talking about how since the summer of 2020, there have been less good cops. And fact is, because of the 2020 riots, a lot of good cops did quit their jobs. That's a fact. Many actually put in for early retirement. And not because "They were being held to account". No. It was because they were told, "If you do your job, we will riot outside your station. Firebomb your cars and homes, and we will find a way to railroad you into prison".

So what do we see in NY and LA? Car break ins. Looting. Beatings in the streets. Cops that will literally stand down while people are being hurt. Why? Because why the hell would anyone be a cop when you are under a microscope SO LARGE, that even the SMALLEST twitch in the wrong direction could end your career and possibly your life.

It's easy to say, "Yeah I'd stop those looters and assaulters". Sure. Right up until the are a protected class. Then enjoy your media crucifixion, loss of work and likely stint in jail. As well as your family getting death threats for years to come. So given all this, I made a point that a lot of hires over the last 3 years have probably been scraping the bottom of the barrel. Because in truth, knowing all the above, why WOULD anyone be a cop? Certainly there are still good cops. But a lot of the good ones quit.

What's more, Now a days it's better as a cop to just NOT enforce the law. Because why risk everything I mentioned. You protect the law and you make the conservatives happy but piss off the woke. And the woke currently more or less control law and media. Good luck getting shanked in jail. If you don't uphold the law, you piss off people who want you to enforce it but you probably get to live another day.

At that point you may say, "OK so why be a cop at all then", and the answer is easy. It's a job. And it pays. Why excel at all when you are expected to be a bastion of perfection? What's that? Didn't use the PERFECT amount of force? Death Penalty. Oh? You shot a guy that pulled a gun on you and you didn't just take the shots to the chest? Well clearly you deserve to be put in jail for the rest of your life.

Cops are treated like they are supposed to be absolutely perfect at all times and it's stupid. I HATE police unions mind you. But you know what I hate more. People that have no idea the risk to their lives that cops are put through day to day just for putting on the badge. The fact that cops NEED wiggle room within the law in order to enforce it.

Remember "Hands up don't shoot"? Yeah. So do I. I also remember that it was a fucking lie, and that there are people to this day that still believe that lie. And if not for Police Unions, he might have rotted in jail for the rest of his life. There is no PEFECT in this life. Not for cops, not for anyone. Cops are not superheroes. They don't swing in on a web shooter and punch the bad guy JUST hard enough to knock him out without killing him. And with morality as fucked up as it is in the west, even just in the US, Law enforcement is in a no win situation. At all times.

But I want to find every person that has ever been saved by cops, and force you to tell those people that all cops are bad. And tell them about how whatever they were saved from doesn't matter because "ALL cops are bad". Tell the women that were possibly saved from rape, "You should have just been raped. Cops are all evil." Or tell the kid that was saved from the person that kidnapped them, "Yeah no, you should have just been a sex slave. Cops are bastards and clearly they didn't WANT to help you". Stop making assessments about ALL of any group of people. Because the likelihood that you'll be right is near zero.

There are good cops. And there are bad cops. Police Unions need heavy reformation. Accountability needs to actually be able to happen. And people need to understand how hard cops actually have it. All of these things can be true at the same time. And none of it is justifying evil or bad cops or even ones that don't enforce the law. It's a nuanced topic. And as such, it should be treated so.

[protezioni]

ALSO ONE MORE THING LOL, headcanons on a crossover au horror movie night?

This ended up really long but I hope you love it!! It's also probably because it's headcanons which I really live for. BUT ALSO YES OF COURSE I LIVE FOR THE CROSSOVER AU AND ALSO FOR HALLOWEEN!! All Zeta characters belong to Emi, FOLLOW @zetacomic !! Miho also was made by @polar-stars !! Isao was made by @nightcrownsking!! Stan them

Movie Picking

-Zuro sets out a whole bunch of movies, ranging from mockumentary horror films to you wouldn't be able to sleep for a week horror films on the table.

-Shoya is set on watching JAWS series. He wants to see his family win. Zuro adds one movie to the list because it was his bro's request.

-Haru comes in, SHE PICKS A MOVIE. She doesn't realize she's scarier than the movie marathon that is coming, but well- her choice will be included. Or else she will be angry. No one wants her angry. Ayame approves on her choice and recommends a movie. Zuro places her recommendation away. Ayame was never best to pick one unless it was romance movies.

-TAI AND MAI SAY THEY WANT MURDER ON SCREEN. Their sugesstion? Accepted. There was a slasher horror, which did include murder. They would probably enjoy it that day.

-Izami tosses a few recommendations. He picks the one with the horror that pulls on the most heartstrings yet still scares the crap out of people. Suggestion accepted.

-Isao gives a movie. Immediately burned by Sepheir. She does not trust this man.

-So far they have one Jaws movie, a film Haru wanted, slasher horror and an angsty horror movie. Seems good enough. They will be watching from 6-3, but people can choose to sleep earlier (if they can after that).

Movie Preparation

-Ko spends SO MUCH. Chips, Sodas, Full blown Meals, Popcorn, Cotton Candy, Everything--- For EVERYONE. He splits them all evenly and everyone has their personal food and drink box.

-Makoto is SURPISED over how much things he bought without thinking... He shouldn't spend his money like this! But it was for Zygos and Protezioni... but still! That's carelessly using money!

-Makoto gives him a good talk

-Yuuki is lowkey anxious over the movie choices but Asuka ends up comforting him and calming him down. Tells him that Big Sis Asuka is always there! Yuuki calms down fairly well!

-Yuri is watching Shigure cry even before the movie starts. She's calling him a dumbass and tells him it hasn't started yet. Turns our Shigure was crying over something else and she facepalms.

-Romano is hugging his paperwork but Hide is trying to tell him to relax for once and let it go. He follows for once and believes in her words. She says it is best to let himself not do work since Halloween only happens once a year. He is very convinced.

-Ace is worried if the kids can handle it, but he prepares a comfort blanket in advanced in case any of them want to go under one later. There are 10 comfort blankets with stuffed toys under it. Tsukki helps in gathering pillows.

-The movie marathon starts.

Movie Watching

-Jaws was the first to come.

-All of Zygos turn their head to Shoya. Protezioni proceeds to do the same.

-"I wanted to see my fellow scalys."

"THIS DOESN'T FIT THE ATMOSPHERE, SHITHEAD"

"Jun, your temper is worse than your height"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT"

-Eis tries to calm Junko down, Zuro laughs about the whole thing. Fortunato facepalms and tells them to calm the fuck down. Maemi knew this would happen. He is very tired. Kaito tries to stop them.

-Anyway Jaws was being watched by several other people. Kuro thoughts the sharks were dolphins. "Dudeeee, they're sharks? I thought sharks were bigger." "THOSE ARE WHALES, KURO"

-Kana is laughing her ass off at this moment, Ren makes a dramatic speech in the middle "Oh whale, oh shark, what is your true reflection-" Shima is so done with this shit. What's worse- the speech or the movie? Shinji talks about how different everyone's aura is because of one single movie.

-Tilear is too busy snickering over Team Omega to focus, she is enjoying. Izami is actually watching the movie. Asks Oliviero if his fang was close to a shark's. Oliviero said he was more of cub or something. Ko wants them to be quiet so he could watch the film. They don't become quiet.

-Haru is excited. She says she brought up the next movie! Everyone is wondering what she picked. It turns out to be a psychological horror! They did not expect this, but the movie was fine.

-Kaito SCREAMS when he sees something happens, he is seeking for hug. For comfort. He cannot handle this. Aki decides to hug him and comfort him. They go to the comfort blankets.

-Tsuyobi jumps off the couch when something happens, Mitsu is the one who takes care of a shaking Tsuyobi. Hoping he is is okay.

-Alderardo names everything wrong with the film because it's a psychological horror and not a lot of things makes sense. Haru yells at him to shut up. He shuts up. Tana is glad he was able to shut the fuck up. Wants to thank Haru for that.

-Masao feels like an undefeated entity because he didn't back out in the movie unlike Kaito. HE WAS THE SUPERIOR LEADER. THE BRAVER LEADER. THE--- Kaya tells him to stop being like that and just sit down and enjoy the movie. Masao ends up sitting down and watching the movie.

-Anzu is clinging to Hide, Hide allows her to cling to her. Eis is clinging to Ella, who looks around but awkwardly pats Eis's back. Team 2 is making a theory silently because they are the most observant team. ALL THEIR THEORIES WERE PROVEN RIGHT.

-Miho comes in out of nowhere, a smile on her face, a flashlight underneath her. "Tea?" EVERYONE THOUGHT SHE LOOKED LIKE A GHOST. Turns out Ami was holding the flashlight below her. She is now officially dubbed as the tea ghost. She looked like one of the characters.

-The next is the slasher film the Murder Twins chose. THEY BOTH BRING UP MURDER. Riichi looks interested, he brings up he learned some sneaky moves through this movie! A lot of people look at them and see them as a very dangerous group if they worked together.

-Yuuki does get anxious over some parts, but Asuka is there to comfort him. Yarohe ends up being his comfort teddy bear. Ko just silently watches the rest to see how they are doing.

-Bren and Tilear have a small discussion because there is a lot of things to talk about since there are weapons in it. Tilear asks Yuuki about a question about his gun and says he doesn't need to feel anxious because he'd be able to shoot the man with no problem. Asuka pats the back of Yuuki who is internally screaming because someone believes in his skill.

-Marmi ends up gathering notes and he sees how Riichi was able to use these notes for something. Celes predicts what's happens next, saying it was a common strategy that is found in horror films. Calls the cast dumb and she isn't surprised that they are dying.

-The strategists talk about something together and make the best plan to escape if they ever end up in a situation like that. Their plan is the best plan ever created and if they were in a horror movie, they will 10000000% survive. Celes, Hide, Maemi, Miho and Shinji were a group who'd never die in a horror film.

-Ami mentions things that could have happened and says she would be a better murderer than the main antagonist of the slasher film. The stealth experts agree with her. Kiyaru also brings that up and Team 2 all agree with her. Bernando says he would fight the antagonist and win. The whole team 4 agrees. Akira comments about how unrealistic it is and the cops are doing a horrible job, brings up both Zygos and Protezioni are way better than the cops. Says the cops are useless in the movie.

-The talk is about murder and how they survive. The movie was overall enjoyable though and it was a great slasher film. There were holes to it, but the Murder Twins loved the blood.

-Okay now was the horror film that had the most emotional scenes. Kaito goes out of the comfort blanket, and Izami gives a small warning that it gets pretty sad. Sepheir comments she knows the film and it does get pretty sad. Everyone knows it's seriously shit sad when Sepheir says that.

-The horror parts were scary as fuck. People jumped from their seats. Kaito wanted to hide again and he screamed again. He is not the best with horror movies. Ayame comments about how this was really disturbing and Hiyaro agrees with her comments. Junko says if she saw a face like that, she's stab the fucker.

-Okay but when the sad parts come? PEOPLE BEGIN CRYING. Kaito starts bawling his eyes out instead of screaming and the whole Zetas decided to comfort their leader. Anzu starts tearing up and Hide tries to cheer her up but yells at Izami for showing that movie. Izami yells back that he warns them. Shigure is crying so bad and Yuri awkwardly comforts him but he just cries even louder. Aki is crying and Allen is in panic. Rika is silently crying and Akira is just allowing her to lean on him.

-It ends up with people crying because of fear or because of sadness. Shoya laughs at some parts and no one knows why he laughs. "LOOK HE DIED" "It isnT FUNNY SHO" "IT WAS IN A STUPID WAY" "SHO"

-Mitsu cries and the whole Zeta is prepared to fight whoever made Mitsu cry. It turns out it was the film. It's just that emotional.

-Movie night ends after the whole roller coaster ride of emotions

-A lot end up sleeping in the living room. Reo and Namito were actually busy doing trick or treating and they slept early like the good kids they are! They wake up to this sight and wonder what happened! Good children through and through.

[hgfstreamchats]

Halloween (2018)

Hello! Night human, hello! Are you playing music, or is it coming from somewhere else? It should be coming from my end. If it's not, well... Ah, good Follow the sound of the unexplicable Halloween theme for a magical adventure. I LOVE magical adventures! I like how some of the whipped cream disappeared mysteriously before they put the nutmeg on Very mysterious indeed. I assume the answer involves licking. The answer always involves licking. Is that considered humane? Just keep them standing around in the sun? I... have no idea what the exact setup is supposed to be, but presumably they're not outside all the time Wuh oh So the mask is supposed to be... a magic artifact now? Good old Pumpkin! It's... un-rotting! It's got things to do! Things to watch! Yes.  Things.

The slit between the nose and the mouth kind of weirds me out there. You too? "well, surely they don't mean us" "Not us! We're starting things on a respectful note, comparing her to her almost-killer and a caged animal all within under the space of a minute!" "we've traveled a very long way... we didn't feel like trying to contact you ahead of time or make an appointment or anything, though" unbiased as SHIT "Here's 3000 dollars, now let us make a rubbing of your scar." IKR? "how the fuck should I know" I kinda hope this guy is the first victim. "We did, but we were sort of hoping to snap off a few shots of you crying." Likewise. I have a bad feeling about those mousetraps I hope they go off on Podcast Man's person. Somehow. That sounds like a lie That's Pumpkin's polar opposite, the disgusted one. The one who kinkshames. Kast, I swear to various gods, I will destroy you. Victim #2 Starscream! Hello! I finally beat the blasted thing into working. I did not want to miss the shenanigans. You haven't missed much! And so you didn't! A couple of idiot journalists went to bother the final girl from the first movie I'm glad. Today requires dead teenagers. And upset Michael's fellow patients for no reason. Ah, that is always a good idea. Ah, that is always a good idea. This one is aware she lives in a horror movie universe, isn't she. Yeah. Is *anyone* going to approach her and her very obvious trauma in anything resembling a respectful way? Probably not! Doubtful. wow awww man She clearly is not handling herself well. "It's not like this is a difficult day for you or anything." What kind of person doesn't shrug off a whole lot of her friends getting murdered and nearly getting murdered herself? Shiiiit I mean, we knew it was coming, but "don't get murdered" Who gave that child a rifle? Oh good, the kid has a gun I bet it'll do him a world of good I bet he startles and shoots his own father. cool, cool, investigate by yourself Well, you guessed close, anyway! And who's in the backs....yep That's about right. "And, don't forget, just naked enough for """fanservice"""" Let's see.... known serial killer on the loose on the night he's known for being extra murderous... Yes, maybe you should cancel Halloween. What can possibly go wrong?! Oh, great Lovely! Ugh He's very strong for an older fellow. Maybe should have given him a little less fresh air and healthy food. So, that's four more corpses. Think they will cancel Halloween yet? Says the soon-to-be-corpse Whatever you say, Corpse Number 5. Just think of how squirrelly she will be when her stupid family gets murdered for not listening to her. :( And journalists intrude on her privacy to ask her about it. Does no one in this town lock their door? Apparently not? Ham, never eaten. Oh, jeez He doesn There's no effort needed to get in. Oh, I like this little human. Awww. Yes, leave the door open. Every door in this town must be left open, so murderers can get in. Welp. "If you're cold, they're cold. Bring them in." Wow. What the fuck. I hope he is stabbed nineteen times. Uhh. "a noise like... a murderer?" Oh goody, dry! fuuuuck cue murder ...really, dude So I guess she didn't QUITE check everywhere That kid is going to need so much therapy. Run, sensible child! Run! Again, they know that they have a murderer problem. Why does he have no backup? Backup is for losers I think he wants to be murdered. "Captured" "so in a way, all this is his fault" It is not paranoia, if there really is something out there to get you. If only some shithead hadn't dropped her phone in the punch bowl, or soup, or whatevr that was facepalm . . . . Oh, I've heard that one. oh my god. dude stop Look at that, she managed to not be killed for the moment. ...Well, that took care of that! Double tap. Is it Ben Tramer? .... Well, that's a problem. Damn it. So did he survive that after all?  Are there two of them now? Oh, he's not going to be happy about that. Now his mask has old man stink inside it. I admit I don't quite get how he did that through the grate He kicked the grate out. Ohhh His head was...overripe, apparently? I guess? That was a strange plot cul-de-sac ...I feel like taking the van would've been a better bet It's Pumpkin! Well, damn it Oh. No, no it isn't. Oh, no!  That guy I hated is dead now! Hopefully she didn't like him too much. I don't like that he gets to survive most of the movie and Fun Babysitter didn't. I feel like it's a bad idea to leave that remote up there. I feel like her just leaving the remote on the counter there is a bad thing urgh I hope she brought it down with her, at least Well, that gave you away. But what do I know? It's not my paranoia cellar. I feel like she should have forced him into a chute, for a clean kill. Oh, crap Don't be impatient... For someone planning this for forty years, she's done a poor job of building a trap house. That is a creepy target practice area Why have a scary mannequin room, if you know one day this situation is coming? Right? For that matter, why not install proper indoor lighting, to see who you're trying to shoot? That would spoil the jumpscares! When you're planning on facing off with your supernatural attacker someday and plotting things out to the minute, but you need to keep the atmosphere Spooky. About time. hey Hello and goodbye, Nude Human. Keep shooting him. I feel like this is a kill that should be confirmed before they relax. No more relaxing for any of them ever. But on the plus side, they no longer think Grandmother is crazy. Now they love Grandmother and her room full of non-jamming guns and canned corn! Grandmother who they all call grandmother for some reason. Why *did* she stock rations? Did she think Michael would just pop a seat down on the kitchen floor for a month on end and they'd have to wait him out? Perhaps she was planning for zombies as well, given she knows at least one creature that refuses to stay dead. She likes to cover all bases. Michael, zombies...got a couple of hobgoblin defenses lined up just in case. If one is going to be prepared, might as well cover all bases. Except when it comes to well lit rooms and moving the mannequins out. Who has time for that? Sigh. My computer froze and I missed everything after the spooky mannequin rom. What happened? They eventually got him into the basement, and lit him on fire. Which he'll almost assuredly walk off. Oh, good. Less good. And we hear his spooky breathing at the end of the credits, so... And Allison has a knife. Of course we do. I haven't been able to pull up a light note to end on, so I'm open to suggestions! Goose game! Goose game it is! How about a fun goose game highlight reel? Beautiful! He's enjoying the moment. Sun hat! put it in the pond! What did this old man ever do to anyone? He dared try to get work done. Tried to keep the goose out of the garden! Unforgiveable! Unforgourdable! I'm having this great idea for a game for you to stream sometime! I'm thinking the same thing! I thought he did too! no, no, it's floating back! Somebody do something! Oh this kid gets TERRORIZED What kinda scam is she running here! Clearly she knows how to make the money. oh my gosh I wonder if you could make him buy back his glasses... His evil delight is infectious. He is having too much fun. What kind of person walks right up to a goose to take a ribbon off it I want to play this, but I don't think it's on steam... yet. That's going to be a beautiful day when it is. Right? Well, that wraps it up, I'd say! I am very glad I did not miss out. Your streams are definitely a highlight. Goodnight, and thanks for the stream! Oh, hush! But don't, of course, never hush. Thank you for coming! Good night!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 027: The Ol’ Run and Float

Previously on BnHA: Deku won the obstacle course and made All Might proud while pissing everyone else off. Midnight announced that the second event would be a cavalry battle. The kids were told to team up in groups of 2 to 4, and that each team’s captain would wear a headband with a point value based on how that team’s members placed in the obstacle course. Deku found out he was worth ten million fucking points.

Today on BnHA: Midnight explains the rules of the cavalry battle. U.A.’s first years set out to assemble their teams. Bakugou doesn’t fucking know who any of these people are. Iida wants in on this rivalry thing too. Deku gets off to a shaky start, but actually manages to assemble probably the best team out here, thanks in large part to its abundance of girl power, but also because my bird bro Tokoyami decides to get in on this as well.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 51 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.) 

new volume cover!! lots of kids this time! twelve of ‘em!

we’ve even got that steampunk girl. SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE

this is the calmest that Bakugou’s face has been on a cover yet, I think. he’s even letting Kaminari lean all over him. he still doesn’t know how to smile, but at least he’s looking at the camera, unlike Todoroki up there in the corner

and we’ve got Ochako up there in the top left! KICK SOME ASS OCHAKO

Deku looks pretty happy and doesn’t appear to be fearing for his life, so we can confidently assume that this picture wasn’t taken during the sports fest! ahahaha

“the boy born with everything” hmm that sounds like Todoroki to me. could be Bakugou too I suppose, but right now I’m leaning more toward the kid who hasn’t had much development yet and whose mystery dad seems like he might be introduced shortly

I freaking love that... [checks the handy dandy character guide] Hagakure is on the inner cover cheerleading with these two

(ETA: I can’t believe such a cute fucking page was so ruined for me with context.)

okay I skipped past the characters cuz I already know who they are, and definitely skipped past that chapter index. here we go

seems pretty fucked up to me. do they have twists like this every year? if yes, then why do the kids who’ve watched it religiously since childhood (i.e. Deku) not anticipate that and maybe just shoot for top 5 rather than #1?

well Deku, you’re just going to have to continue to be just that damn good, I guess. you’re screwed otherwise

even Ochako omg

he’s still thinking to himself that it was just dumb luck that he came in first. by my reckoning it was actually ridiculously quick and adaptive thinking, more than a little cleverness, no small amount of physical strength and endurance, and a reckless disregard for his own safety bordering on the insane! but sure, call it luck

wonder where all of that GARRRRR energy has gone now. it’s like he was running at 300% for that entire event, and now all of a sudden he’s run out of batteries

okay here we go, some detailed rules

that’s going to be a lot of zeroes for Deku’s team

glad they designed the headbands to fasten with velcro so that these kids don’t go snapping each other’s necks

and apparently once someone grabs your headband, they’ve got to put it on and wear it themselves, so as long as time’s not up, you still have a chance to get it back

so then Deku won’t necessarily be the main target the entire time. ooh, this changes things. I like this game now

that little shithead Mineta might be a problem if his team utilizes his stupid grapes

and Tsuyu could potentially just use her tongue and be snatching up headbands left and right

apparently they’re allowed to use quirks, but not allowed to maliciously attack teams “with the intent of making them fall.” well what are the rules then. is that basically just a “don’t kill each other” rule and aside from that everything still goes? this opens the gates for some inconsistent refereeing. but I suppose these games are just an exhibition match to show off anyway, so as long as everyone gets to do that, it doesn’t matter as much who actually wins or loses

unless your name is Bakugou Katsuki and you went up on stage in front of a hundred thousand people and were all “it’s me I’m the winner”

or if you’re Todoroki “dad is watching and I just made Deku my rival fifteen minutes ago, so I don’t want to lose to him” Shouto

or Midoriya “dad is watching and I promised him I’d tell the world I AM HERE” Izuku

then you’re probably more invested in winning

so should be interesting

(ETA: actually, getting into the round of 16 really did make a difference in terms of who got drafted afterwards.)

time to start forming teams!

Deku already seems to know who he wants!

Tsuyu or Ochako, Deku. either is good. both are even better

Iida’s also fast! and loyal! (ETA: HAHAHAHA) but the second that fucker gets distracted, his weird hand gestures will get you dropped on the floor right quick

Bakugou and Todoroki would NEVER!! so let’s not even bother with that

Sero is another one like Tsuyu that would probably be really good at snatching bands

anyways, enough with the hypotheticals, let’s scroll down and see who this thoughtful young man actually decides on

heyyy. booooooo we’re cutting to the security staff

they don’t seem to be doing a very good job

wow. these guys are kind of the worst

“drag others down.” what a cynical fucking take

now they’re talking about how the cavalry battle teaches cooperation. well no shit, just like literally any team exercise ever

these are the most demotivational superheroes I’ve ever seen. the complete fucking opposite of All Might. no wonder he was so desperate to find someone with the right attitude to be his successor

WOW CHECK OUT MISTER POPULAR OVER HERE

OH NOW Y’ALL LIKE HIM, HUH. I WAS HERE FIRST

he seems to have someone else in mind maybe?

wow

“WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE”

wow Bakugou. wow. I may not know all of their names yet, but at least I know... two of their quirks

-- and actually I do know their names! Sato, Hagakure, and Mina! wow! guys! I did it!!!

meanwhile All Might’s up in the stands with his own hot fresh takes on Bakugou, which mainly consist of “he may be a jerk but he sure is talented and that sure does make him popular.” yep. are you proud. he’s still our son, All Might

Todoroki already picked a team while Bakugou was standing there trying to figure out what everyone else’s quirks even are and what exactly is this mysterious “teamwork” thing anyway

luckily he has a good friend who mysteriously loves him for some reason!

even though Bakugou doesn’t even remember his name sobbbbb

to be fair, I sure took a long hecking time remembering it myself

Kirishima is pointing out that he’s the best fit since his quirk allows him to take whatever explosions Bakugou dishes out

wow they really are compatible. this seriously could take over as my main ship, were it not for the fact that Deku has so plainly been in love with Katsuki since he was three years old

but even so! like, I’ll just nab this little KiriBaku tugboat, maybe, and let it puff along next to my main ride

incidentally, Bakugou doesn’t even know what Kiri’s quirk is

and Kiri DOESN’T EVEN SEEM TO MIND ANY OF IT

“Bakugou who should you ride?” “idk someone with a death wish cuz I sure fucking will blow them up you can be sure of that” “no!! me!!!”

that’s the pure kind of unconditional Yamamoto-esque love that can withstand whatever pain and hardship life decides to dole out. good shit

so who’s he gonna pick as his final teammate then

guess who doesn’t care who Mineta picks. me

Shouji if you agree to team up with Mineta you will be cancelled by association until the end of this challenge. it’s not your fault, it’s just the way things are

DEKU WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE. YOU SEEMED LIKE YOU HAD A PLAN. THAT’LL FUCKING SHOW ME TO ASSUME YOU WOULD EVER TAKE THE INITIATIVE IN LITERALLY ANY KIND OF SOCIAL SITUATION

so then. you’re either stuck with the most desperate peeps, or your loyalest most dedicated besties

eh, I fail to see how punching something really hard one time and then having your body fall apart would inspire faith, though. please note that your fellow classmates, who have seen your quirk, are still avoiding you

oh! I see a “Deku” speech bubble though! only one non-Kacchan person here who calls him that! :D

LOOK AT YOU LUCKING OUT OVER HERE DEKU

this was seriously one of his best prospects to begin with. her quirk would help a lot when it comes to avoiding people, and with him having the highest point value to start with, they don’t really need to go after other people’s points

so if he’s teaming up with her, then Iida is definitely the best choice for a third teammate. they work well together, and I guarantee no one else has offered to team up with him yet lol. just gotta watch out for those hand gestures like I said

but before we get to that let’s just appreciate Deku’s meme face

is this face a meme. if not, my question is how could it not be

yesss. it’s all coming together now. THE OL’ RUN AND FLOAT

now they’re in the huddle and Deku’s explaining the ol’ run and float plan

but interestingly, he doesn’t intend to be the rider? he wants someone physically strong? well there are a few options then, but honestly there isn’t anyone else here who’s actually stronger than you bud

WOW now Iida’s suddenly deciding to be a spoilsport?!

YOU CAN REFUSE MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS YOU TREASONOUS CAD. A POX ON YOU IIDA!!!

apparently he’s decided to make Deku his rival too. EVERYONE, RIVALS. HE HAS ENOUGH RIVALS!!!

“ever since the entrance exam... I’ve been losing to you” well then sure as hell don’t expect it to stop now

he’s teaming up with Todoroki. wow. wow, Iida. you wanna be cancelled too because this is how you get cancelled

I’m not actually mad in all seriousness though, I just gotta protect my sweet Green Tsuna here who apparently has no Gokuderas to fall back on except for Ochako, that beautiful, rule-breaking moth

does the math actually work out so that there’s gotta be at least one person left for him to team up with?

dammit who’s it gonna be

OOOOHH

IT’S THE SMART STEAMPUNK GIRL FROM THE SUPPORT COURSE. I LIKE THIS! SHE’S A WILD CARD. GET IN HERE SUPPORT COURSE GIRL

HATSUME MEI YOU BEAUTIFUL TALENTED BRILLIANT POWERFUL MUSK OX

she says she wants to team up with him so she can be in the spotlight. see, this is what all these kids are forgetting. it’s not really about the points, it’s how well you show off what you’ve got

and she apparently wants to show off “her babies.” her inventions, I’m guessing

PLEASE JOIN US AND BE OUR WINRY ROCKBELL. BE OUR USOPP, MEI

SHE HAS JETPACKS. DEKU!!! DO IT

aww. Ochako don’t be jealous. he needs you, you’re the MVP even if no one else here knows it yet

okay so they’ve got three again. but Deku still seems to think they need one more person

“our formation’s just lacking some power...”

off he goes

who else are you gonna sweet talk into this group Deku

I should probably make a guess so that I can either brag afterwards, or laugh about how wrong I was

he keeps saying power. but most of the obvious 1-A powerhouses are already taken. Sato seems pretty tough, though, and there’s also that rock guy who is like the only guy left in the class who hasn’t done shit. and I think Tsuyu might still be available and she’s a dark horse IMO. my money’s either on her or Rocky Road

okay, this Viktor-looking guy has been making faces and mugging the camera this entire time, and now it looks like he’s actually gonna get a bit of focus here

and he’s acting like class B hung back on purpose. sure, okay. do your thing then; just don’t expect me to learn twenty more names when I only just got done with this first group after 27 fucking chapters

we’d better see who Deku picked before this ends or it’s a waste of a cliffhanger

oh good there’s one last two-page spread

Deku ended up as the rider after all huh

OH

I FORGOT ALL ABOUT HIM! NOW I FEEL DUMB. HE’S FUCKING PERFECT, AND HE ACTUALLY AGREED TO JOIN THEM! TOKOYAMI, FROM THIS POINT ON YOU SHALL BE KNOWN AS “NEW IIDA”

THE SHADOW THING IS GONNA BE SO OP OMG. LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOO

BONUS:

“steampunk-related things” they didn’t even pretend

I’m glad Horikoshi made so many interesting female characters and went against his initial instinct to make several of them guys. class A only has six girls out of 20 people total, so it’s not quite balanced, but it’s better than there being like. four girls. and they’ve all got heaps of skill and talent, and varied and interesting personalities

so the support course peeps are basically the Tony Starks of BnHA

I am so down with this. go on and befriend Deku and make him all sorts of cool shit later on and further enrich the series with your general presence, Mei

[invinciblerodent]

Propositioned by the Billionaire Moose - A moose(!!!) shifter romance liveblog

Yes, I’m doing this.

As requested by my dear friend @kurosmind, here it is, the first part of my (hopefully complete) liveblog of this wonderful trainwreck.

And before I would go on to cut this with a Read More, let me begin by saying that I am by no means being purposefully malicious. This is not a terrible book. It’s not a good one either (tbh, the other one I read from this series, “Her UnBearable Protector”, was, to me, much better- the titles are equally silly, but that one kept my attention way longer), but it’s not terrible, and this is purely for fun.

That being said, onto the shit-talking.

Also,

‘Nuff said.

This goes for the introductory blurb AND Chapter 1 as well- the plot is dead simple. It’s the one I would hesitate to call the “tried and true” plot because I hate it with such a burning passion, but it’s the one, you know the one, where the bratty and arrogant heir-dude has to find a wife in a set amount of time in order to get his inheritance.

Because the patriarchy is fun, and forcing someone who doesn’t want to get married into a rushed marriage is going to make for a good and healthy relationship that will benefit both him and his chosen bride. Only this time it’s a maple syrup empire, because THEY ARE MOOSE, and also Canada.

His name is Bryce Elanroux btw, not like it should matter because let’s face it, these kinds of protagonists could be called whatever and they would still all be mostly the same. It doesn’t even have the kind of Character™ that I like in these dude-names beyond it screaming “French-Canadian trust fund kid”. Like in the last one I read the prince was named Niccolito (and surprisingly he wasn’t Italian, what are the odds), and before that, the bear shifter dude was named Salvatore, and I physically cannot read that name without overpronouncing it to shit in an ostentatious and stereotypical Italian accent. Once I read one where the rock star guy was named Ari, and it took the book A WHILE to reveal that Ari was, in fact, short for -guess again because I guarantee it’s not what you expect- ARISTOTLE. So, to get back down from this tangent, Bryce is a real boring name, but not awful. Unfortunately it doesn’t fully embrace the silly or go way Italian for no reason. Gets a C- from me.

Oh, and this time there is also a Suddenly Appearing Cousin Who Is A Competitor For Grandpa’s Will™. Surprise. Where did I put my jaw. I hope that he’s not a moose so we can have just a regular dude in this, just watching in bewildered terror as his uncle and cousin turn into giant land-mammals.

I don’t know how to describe this next part (which is the last paragraph of chapter one), so I’m just going to show it to you as it is:

Charming fellow, isn’t he. Also, a buck with plenty of prancing years.

Chapter 2 begins with introducing our female protagonist, Melanie. Who is inexperienced with guys (check) and would like a “sturdy man” to take charge “for once” (check). It’s real confusing that she would begin by complaining that the reason for her inexperience is that she doesn’t want to actually physically hurt a man, but then also she complains about the juice she bought being heavy, but not really because she can carry it easily, but it’s heavy and there should be a man here to carry it. Makes me think that she too might be a shifter? Maybe a sharp one because she’s talking about giving guys stitches, and later she mentions having claws, but keeping them sheathed? I’d dig that, if she were like a tiger or some shit like that. Imagine what a moose-tiger hybrid would look like. 

Real stupid, I’d wager.

Oh, and she also fantasizes about killing her sick mother. Which, yeah, I kinda get because their relationship seems real abusive and draining for her, with no love between them whatsoever, but… look, folks. This girl is a grown-ass woman and has a degree and a job, and she’s lamenting that she has no money because she has to care for a woman whom she hates? Who sometimes flings scalding cocoa into her face because reasons. Leaves me wondering why she even does it? Obviously she can support herself, and it might be my European self talking with our public healthcare backing me up, but Canada, where this is set, also has a publicly funded healthcare system? So I don’t see why it would be cheaper for her to do all this than to have professionals at a hospital or a sanatorium care for this middle-aged woman living with chronic liver problems. It just seems like it’d be a simple enough issue to solve that doesn’t need a BILLIONAIRE MOOSE, but, y’know, some backbone. The ability to make decisions. Taking charge. Y’know, something these protag ladies all seem to sorely lack. Even the ones that make cryptic references to being a were-cat-tiger-bullshit creature.

Btw, a couple paragraphs later? I totally called it. Hell yeah she’s a shifter. And a sharp one. Not a tiger, but a cat-bullshit creature. Another call I’m making now, they’ll meet as animals first. Why else have them both be shifters?

Chapter 3 is back to the dude. Joy. (Side note- how clever would it be if this was a gay story, and the “boy-toy” character was named Fisher Bryce? Fisher-Price? Eh? Eh?)

Btw, I will never stop finding their use of the word “rack” to refer to his antlers funny. It makes it sound like he has a pair of tits on his head. Which, uh….

It just conjures this image in my head, every time.

Oh, and I called it again, they meet shifted. She’s a lynx. Not as good as the image of a tiger shivering somewhere in Canada, but hey.

She’s a furry. The weird kind. Also I had to google “moose ass” for this.

In this chapter, the moose (the prey animal) saves the lynx (the predator) from three wolves (predators). No idea why the wolves would even attack a lynx, or why they would be afraid of a prey animal (which, okay, I get moose are fucking huge and strong, BUT HE IS STILL A DING-DANG DUMB DEER), especially if they’re all shifters, but y’know. There is nothing like a good ol’ Damsel in Distress situation to start off a novel.

We meet the cousin too, Rory, who -so far- seems somewhat less of a shithead than our protagonist.Who, upon finding out that his grandpa is dying, is only talking about the inheritance and shows…. Literally zero compassion. Or nothin’. Even though they seemed to be at least kinda close. Okay then. Asslord.

Also, grandpa is a real romantic. Apple from the tree, I see.

The chapter closes with, and I wish I hadn’t seen this, the third person limited narrator literally saying “#betweenacrackandahardplace”. Which is just. Super bad to read. It took me like five whole seconds to decipher what it was saying, and it still doesn’t make sense.

Here seems like a good place to cut this- I wouldn’t want to go on too long, in three chapter increments seem like a good way to do this. Next time I have a day off, I’ll definitely get to the rest of this and post chapters 4, 5, and 6 because it’s, ngl, real fun to bitch about a not-very-good book.

Again, this is by no means as awful as the last one I tried this review-thing with (that one I didn’t even get to finish because jesus christ it was awful and the reason I hiss at regency romances from afar), but it’s…. quite silly, and has enough opportunities to poke fun of it to last me a while. :) I can’t yet call if it’s gonna be that bad, but we’ll see. If it gets too good I’ll stop this, because then it’s no fun, but.... I have a feeling I might be in for it.