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kookingtae · 8 years ago

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falling into you (pt. 4)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 5 | pt. 6 | pt. 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→word count: 11,663

You made sure that was not the last time Jungkook ever saw you.

Oh no, after he all but kicked you out of his dorm when you leaned forward for what was your attempt at a kiss, even tried to fumble out an invitation to a date—a date that was your sole purpose for trying to find him that night in the first place—you made sure that he wasn’t getting away that easily.

Which was why the next time that you saw him outside his chemistry class, (you had actually started going to your biology class now that you knew it was at the same time and in the same building as his), you tried to walk with him.

No awkward standing and staring, no questions of parties or dates, no uncomfortable physical contact. Just simply walking and talking about your day, the weather, his class—anything for him to feel remotely comfortable in your presence. Though that was no simple task given that the very first time he saw you since the night you left his dorm room, standing there with one foot against the white walls waiting for him to exit, he fled right past you.

“Jungkook, wait!” You called out, not caring about the glances you received from those passing by in the hall. Your eyes were only focused on the back of Jungkook’s head as you watched him take off down the steps and out of your sight.

So, you tried again.

Class only partook on Tuesdays and Thursdays, meaning that you had to wait one day before you saw him again—that is, unless you surprised him outside his night class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays again, which you had decided against for now. But you made sure that when you did see him, or rather, he saw you, you were in the same position: foot propped up on the wall you were leaning against outside his classroom, arms crossed over your chest, waiting for him.

Jungkook held your gaze for longer than he had the first time; last time he hardly even gave you a second glance before he was practically hurdling himself over the railing of the stairwell. But this time his steps slowed, the familiar stutter of his footwork making an appearance before he quickly seemed to come to a conclusion in his mind and sped off again.

You didn’t give up easily.

The third day Jungkook saw you in the same exact position outside of his chemistry class, you assumed that he had had enough, because he was finally walking over and leading you out of the crowd of students to a more secluded area off to the side of the hall.

“What do you want from me?” He asked, almost frantic-like, a mix of frustration and fear in his voice that you knew you shouldn’t have been surprised to hear. But somehow, you were.

You swallowed your guilt and forced yourself to wear a confident facade. “Have you been avoiding me, Jungkook?” You asked, a smirk growing on your lips as you smugly crossed your arms over your chest.

Jungkook gulped, a look akin to that of pain flashing in his eyes before it was quickly replaced with more frustration. “Have you been following me?” He shot back.

Now it was your turn to gulp; when you did, only a heavy lump inside your dry throat was what you were greeted with, and you couldn’t help but wonder if Jungkook’s bodily functions had the same natural reactions as yours when you were around each other.

But then you thought about how he was cornering you, so angry and annoyed at your presence that all you could manage to do in that moment was cower away in shame and embarrassment—two words that have definitely never been used to describe you before.

“I just wanted to walk with you, Jungkook,” you held your hands up in front of you defensively. “That’s all, I swear.”

Jungkook looked as if he was opening his mouth to say something, but then it closed, and then he opened it just to shut it again. The movement paired with his big, round eyes reminded you of a guppy fish out of water, gasping for the sweet liquid to fill his gills and save him from an eternal death within the toxic oxygen that surrounded him.

You hoped the mental image wasn’t a metaphor for your current situation.

“Come on, it’s not that big of a deal,” you playfully rolled your eyes and reached down to grab his hand before stopping short after seeing how he flinched away.

Were you really that much of a monster?

And just as you were getting ready to call it off, to shake your head and apologize for wasting his time before turning away, letting the mortification swallow you whole and the rejection eat you alive, he started walking.

His pace was casual, slow. Any innocent bystander would’ve mistaken the act for a stroll in the park. And he was heading towards the stairs, his head low and to the side as if he was checking his peripheral vision to see if you were following him.

You had never caught up to someone so quickly in your entire life.

From there, you and Jungkook started walking together often. To and from your science classes, to and from his math class, to and from his art class—pretty much to and from his entire schedule. You, on the other hand, would dip out right after he disappeared beyond the threshold of a closed door to skip class with your friends again. Maybe drive to get some food with the windows rolled down in the old, rundown car Namjoon drove with what you swore in that moment was the most serious case of the munchies you’d ever had in your life—maybe drink in someone’s dingy studio apartment right outside of campus only to return to the old oak tree and drunkenly laugh at all the people passing by the park even though nothing was ever that funny.

Your friends began to realize that you had it bad when you started foregoing their usual shenanigans and instead stayed sober on the days you would walk with Jungkook.

“Why don’t you just invite him over?” Hoseok grumbled one day when all of you were sprawled out under the tree (them, high as a kite, and you, clean while waiting for Jungkook to get out of computational mathematics).

At that, you scrunched your eyebrows in confusion. “Over here? To the tree?” You leaned up on your forearms to get a better look at him.

“Might as well,” Taehyung chimed in, covering his eyes with his arm and curling up his lip at the beaming sunlight. “You’ve been spending enough time with him anyways.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “Walking with him in passing is not spending too much time with him.”

“I didn’t say too much, I said enough,” he pointed out before pushing himself up as well. His face was now sufficiently covered by the shading of the leaves to where he could look at you without squinting. “He already went to that party, right? A little downtime with us couldn’t hurt.”

“Um, he left that party, in case you don’t remember,” you corrected him grimly.

“No, I don’t remember, because only you could remember shit like that,” Tae chuckled lightheartedly. “We were all wasted out of our minds—as were you, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Yeah, and that was the problem,” You frowned, sitting up and resting your elbows on your knees. “I made out with someone else right in front of him.”

“So? You two aren’t dating,” Lynn interjected on the other side of Tae. She then propped herself up on her forearms, mirroring your earlier position. “Since when have you ever cared about who you made out with?”

“I–” you stopped yourself short, the palms of your hands prickling with heat before you swallowed. “I don’t.”

“Then shut the fuck up about it and invite him over here if you want,” she said before closing her eyes and laying back down again. Though her words were harsh, you knew they held no animosity; Lynn’s blunt honesty was something you always valued and appreciated in your friendship.

You didn’t reply, choosing to remain silent and contemplate over your decision. Of course you weren’t against trying—the whole foundation of your relationship with him was built on your persistence—but you couldn’t be sure that Jungkook would accept. Though if you had learned anything about the quiet boy, it was to expect the unexpected at the most unexpected of times.

•••

Once 12:15 struck and his math class had finished (you were ashamed to admit you had his schedule memorized better than your own), you waltzed your way over to the building doors and waited for the boy who competed with the sun in the sky to emerge. And when he did, every time you saw him was like seeing him for the very first time, the wind knocked from your lungs and in awe, shock, and complete and utter confusion as to how someone could possibly be as beautiful, truly beautiful, as he.

“Hey,” an involuntary smile sprung to your lips as you greeted him, and you noted with an internal giggle that he still avoided your eyes the same way he had the first day you met him.

“H–hey,” he bowed, as if the casual greeting sounded so foreign and absurd leaving his mouth that he had to throw in a formal gesture just to make up for it.

You chose to ignore this and started walking rather than pressing it like you normally would’ve, statements of after all this time you still won’t look at me and you know you don’t have to be so formal with me on the tip of your tongue. But you held yourself back for his sake and your own.

“How was class?” You asked, hoping to lighten up the conversation enough to lead into the invitation.

He answered simply, “it was good,” and then there was silence.

You clasped your hands behind your back while you walked and bit your lip, heat emanating from his presence beside you and adding more pressure than your nerves could handle, each one individually shriveling up for dead the more the seconds passed.

“What are you going to do now?” You tried to keep your tone casual and inconspicuous.

You watched as Jungkook shrugged, the simple act driving your heart to madness. “Probably eat lunch back in my dorm and study for my next class,” he managed.

“But your next class isn’t until tonight,” you pointed out. “Do you have a test or something?”

“No.”

At that you were silent, completely taken aback by how different your lifestyles were. You didn’t think you’d ever studied a day in your life… this boy studied for fun. You eyed him then, fixated on the way his perfectly small lips were perched together and his nose would scrunch up every so often with a sniffle. He was looking down at the ground, his hands wrapped around both straps of his red book bag; you had never seen anything so flawless.

You knew if you didn’t act now you’d be caught staring sooner or later, and getting lost in your thoughts of wonder and amazement by him was very, very easy to do.

“Well my friends and I are hanging out by a tree in the commons; you can study there if you want?”

His abrupt stop had you skidding to a halt, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion and turning around to face him. He was wearing an expression of alarm, apprehension, and you could already feel the fear that he would decline prickling at the base of your palms.

“It will only be for a little while,” you rushed to alleviate any concerns he had, “and you can get up and leave at any moment.”

“I work better alone,” Jungkook said, startling you at his abrupt tone.

You were at a loss of words at this. “Yeah I know, but…” you paused, in thought of something to say and feeling as if you were grasping at straws. “We could help you study! What’s your class again, art? Tae takes that class; he could be your study buddy.”

In all actuality, you didn’t have a clue if Taehyung was in that class; he might’ve actually completed it years ago, come to think of it. But that wasn’t the point. Taehyung was the one who had talked Jungkook into going to the party, so he was your only hope. Maybe the two boys had taken a liking to each other when they arrived at the frat house together.

“I told you, I work better alone. I don’t want a study buddy.”

Jungkook’s voice shattered all hopeful thoughts that danced in your mind, causing them to crash to the ground with the same weight as his blunt, harsh words. But as you looked more closely at his face, all you could see were heavy gulps racking at his throat and nervous ticks taking over his fingers as he toyed with the material of the book bag, or his shirt—anything he could get his hands on, really. And was that the faint glistening of a nervous sweat that had started to form in the depths of his hairline?

You ignored the wave of intense, scorching heat that flooded your core and boiled your insides at the discovery of the latter, instead choosing to piece together whatever few words you could remember at the moment to form an argument.

“You don’t want one, but even you can’t deny it, Jungkook: professors say studying with peers helps improve your grade.”

Jungkook opened his mouth as if he was going to disagree, but all it took was a slight pause for you to know that he knew you were right. You smiled, proud of yourself for being able to stump his logical brain. And you had just come up with that on the spot; you had no idea if that’s what professors said, but apparently they do because it was enough to make Jungkook fall silent—though that wasn’t really a difficult task to accomplish.

“Come on, Jungkook,” you rounded on him before he could come up with another excuse, causing him to skid to a halt and stare at you with wide eyes at your sudden proximity. “One time,” you continued, “and if you don’t like it, you can leave.” You looked over your shoulder where you could just make out your friends lying underneath the tree. “I promise they’re not as bad as they seemed at the party.”

He seemed to contemplate it then, looking back and forth between you and the tree with an expression of such deep analysis that one would’ve thought you’d just asked him to make a life or death decision. You didn’t understand what was so hard about it, unless he just really, really despised you. But before you could worry yourself with that thought any further, he was opening his mouth to reply, his voice timid and apprehensive.

“Fine.”

•••

“Hey guys, um… you remember Jungkook.”

When he finally accepted your offer, you thought your heart would burst right then, leaping into the sky and exploding into a thousands stars that cascaded around you, shedding light onto your skin and making it sparkle with almost as much beauty as the boy standing next to you. It was all you could do to keep from grabbing his hand and sprinting to the oak tree, excitement pulsing through your veins to finally formally introduce to your friends the one who has turned your world upside down.

“Jungkook! What’s up man?” Taehyung leapt up and took his hand, keeping their last awkward greeting in mind before shaking it with ease. Your eyes gleamed as you watched them, your best friend with the most extraordinary person you’d ever met, and only then was your trance interrupted by the clearing of a throat.

You turned to see the others looking at you expectantly, as if waiting to be introduced. “Oh! Um,” you turned to get Jungkook’s attention, careful not to touch him since you knew physical contact made him squeamish. “Jungkook, this is Hoseok, Kate, Suzy, Jimin, Lynn, Namjoon, and Yoongi.” You lingered on your last friend, his eyes piercing through your skull as if to say so this is the boy.

You swallowed before turning back to Jungkook, his eyes wide and taking in the sight before him as if overwhelmed with the amount of people. But sure enough, just when you expected him to spin around and take off back down the concrete sidewalk as he’s done countless times before, he surprised you yet again by slowly raising his hand in a wave.

“H–hi,” he gulped, and you couldn’t help the smile that flourished on your lips.

Lynn tipped her chin up in a form of greeting. “Hey,” she spoke lazily before laying back down atop the grass.

Others weren’t so impersonal. “Hey, I’m Kate,” your friend hopped up with an overly-friendly grin and made her way over to the two of you. “We met at the party—briefly.” She let a giggle escape her lips as she stuck out her hand, and your watched in growing shock and horror as Jungkook hesitantly took it, offering her what looked like a forced smile before shaking.

He made it seem so effortless, like shaking hands was something he did all the time, yet you distinctly remembered him fleeing in terror as soon as you attempted to try the action with him the second day you met. The realization had your mind whirling in a thousand different directions—so it was just you he couldn’t stand—before you were suddenly retracting with jealousy and second-guessing everything, every little interaction you’d ever had with him down to this very second. He didn’t want to meet your friends, had all but begged and pleaded for you not to make him, and now here he was forced against his will with you, a person he absolutely hated. How could you have been so cruel?

It was then that you noticed Kate was still standing there, practically devouring him with her eyes and drooling from the mouth while planning her next meal, and if it wasn’t for Yoongi clearing his throat and making her step aside, you weren’t sure you would’ve been able to hold yourself back.

“Yoongi,” he hummed in a lazy voice, taking Jungkook’s hand in a formal shake that was so unlike him you knew it could only mean one thing.

You silently thanked him with your eyes, and he simply nodded his head once in return, the subtle act going unnoticed by everyone but your knowledge of him purposefully interrupting Kate for you.

Jungkook shuffled back a few feet and shoved his free hand that wasn’t gripping the strap of his book bag for dear life into his pocket, eyes big and taking in the sight in front of him.

“Um, you can sit here,” you cleared your throat before gesturing to a free space against the tree trunk, nerves that you were completely unaccustomed to audible in your voice and causing your friends to shoot you looks ranging anywhere from surprise to down right confusion.

Jungkook simply nodded, a look of discomfort so evident on his face that you almost stopped him right there just to free him from his misery before he walked past you and sat down against the tree.

The sight of him under the oak tree, your oak tree, was so unfamiliar and unreal that you wanted to pinch yourself to see if you were dreaming.

“So, Jungkook…” Jimin started, his legs spread out in front of him as he leaned back on his hands. “What’s your major?”

“Oh—um, computer science,” Jungkook answered, his words stumbling and voice wavering as you sat down next to him, the side of your body mere inches from his.

You could practically hear the beads of sweat gathering at his hairline.

“Really?” Jimin raised his eyebrow. “What do you plan to do in that?”

Jungkook wiped his hands on his pants, the heat emanating from his close proximity almost having you just as intoxicated as your friends right now. “More than likely software engineering,” he answered, seeming as if he wanted to say more but instead clamping his mouth shut and nervously fiddling with the straps on his book bag that he still had on.

It remained that way for a while: your friends making idle small talk to which Jungkook gave shortly-worded answers, his unwillingness to be open about the subjects causing the conversations to fall flat, until eventually they started talking amongst themselves again as they would if he wasn’t even there. You felt bad about dragging him into something that he was obviously uncomfortable with, but after a while he didn’t seem to mind; he even grabbed his textbook and started reading while the rest of you laughed and exchanged your usual banter back and forth.

And though he wasn’t actively engaging with anyone—much less you—it still warmed your heart to know that he was here, he was actually here under the old oak tree your group of friends had claimed since your freshman year, and if nothing else, it was still progress.

And that’s all that mattered to you.

•••

As much as Jungkook tried, he couldn’t escape Y/N.

She was everywhere, like a predator stalking her prey, hiding in the shadows of the day and the moonlight of the night just waiting to catch him alone before she made her move and pounced.

She had caught him. But the thing was, Jungkook wasn’t sure if he wanted to be let free.

He sometimes found himself actually enjoying his escapades with her, whether it was simply walking through campus to his classes or his current activity of joining her group of friends under the oak tree they claimed as their own. However, that wasn’t to say that he liked her friends; they were obnoxious, boisterous and dim-witted, seeming only to focus on illegal activities and other people rather than things that actually mattered. When Jungkook would be nervous out of his mind, practically shaking in his bones for the upcoming test he had in another class, they would banter about useless information that did absolutely nothing for his nerves—if anything, the nerves were heightened.

But every time he thought about leaving, every time he knew he’d made a mistake by being there in the first place and wanted nothing more than to get up and leave, something—someone—was always holding him back.

Y/N.

Every time he would feel the gears in his brain turning and feel the muscles in his feet start to tingle with the desire to walk away, it was Y/N who caused him to stop.

Every. Single. Time.

It was like she had this power over him, this force of nature which gave her the ability to have control over his every move, action, even thought. One would’ve thought she was a portrait sitting there underneath the tree, as ethereal as a painting depicting a masterpiece with nothing but a few strokes of a paintbrush. It blew his mind, how effortess she made it seem, how this girl could possess every beauty known to mankind and still be sitting here so casually with him. As he watched her speak to her friends, it wasn’t her words Jungkook heard, but the artistry of her hands, the way they danced in the air as she talked and enchanted him more than he ever knew hands could. And just when he was sure he would drown in her, get swallowed up in the sound of her laugh and the sight of her sparkling smile until he was one with the ocean depths and crashing abyss, reality would shock him like static electricity.

They would flock to her, her male friends would, and Jungkook would’ve mistaken them for a pack of hungry wolves had he not previously been introduced. He didn’t know why it still surprised him—if a person was attracted to the female gender, then they would be attracted to Y/N, he was sure of it—but the amount of attention, stares, smiles she received from even her friends was like a dagger plummeting deeper and deeper into Jungkook’s stomach. Did she really not notice how they were practically salivating over every word she said?

Though he prided himself on being a silent observer, he still thought that this observation was too obvious for any bystander to not come to the same conclusion. And it was upon that fact that Jungkook knew Y/N must want it, need it, crave it, feeding on their attention like a parasitic leech sucking at the blood of its host. The thought disgusted him from the inside out; he had always hated those types of people. But if that were the case, then why was he drawn to her like a moth to a flame? Didn’t that make him no better than her flock of followers? That must be why Y/N tried so hard to gain his acquaintance. She liked the chase, and Jungkook possessed potential, so why not wrap him around her finger, too?

And suddenly his world was spinning, so dizzy from the thought, and he was getting up faster than his mind could process the action and fleeing from her and her friends and their spot underneath the old oak tree. The stupidity and embarrassment that he felt was burning a hole into his chest, flaring like a fiery inferno until his insides were burned to a crisp and he couldn’t feel anything, see anything, hear anything. All that he knew were the motions of his footsteps as his feet took him further from her, over the grassy plains and onto the sidewalk and into the–

“Jungkook!”

He never even stood a chance.

“Jungkook.” Y/N was slowing down now, the same way she had the last time she encountered him on the sidewalk next to the tree, when she had asked him to go to that frat party. “What are you doing?”

Upon opening his mouth, Jungkook realized that all the bitterness and hate he manifested towards her didn’t mean shit when he finally started talking. “Nothing,” he managed, silently cursing himself when he heard the unmistakable tone of sadness in his voice.

He knew Y/N heard it too; she was looking at him differently now, something close to regret and sympathy in her eyes that drove Jungkook to insanity before she was finally opening her mouth again.

“Would you like to go out Friday night?”

Jungkook was shell-shocked. “G–go where?”

“On a date,” Y/N’s expression didn’t change as she took a step forward, “with me.”

His mind was swirling with thoughts faster than he could process them. She hadn’t been so bold as to ask him out on a date since the third time he’d met her, though he didn’t know why he was surprised; being blunt and straightforward seemed to be a specialty of hers, enough to knock him off his feet. Though knocking him off his feet wasn’t a hard task to complete when it came to her, he supposed. Everything she did had that effect on him. Hell, the first time they met she had knocked them both off their feet.

Regardless, the audacity she had to ask Jungkook that question again when he knew her plan, knew her motives, knew what she was trying to do made his blood boil with anger from the inside out. He was just leaving to try to get away from her toxic web that she spun him in, and now she wants him to come back? Jungkook wasn’t as naive as she presumed.

“Why don’t you go ask all the other guys you take out,” Jungkook hissed, the snarky remark fueled from nowhere but the depths of his sheer rage.

He was ready to leave then, turn around on the base of his heel and storm off, leaving her to soak in his insult and revel in what she’d done, when she suddenly spoke.

“I’ve never asked a guy on a date before.”

Jungkook stopped in his tracks, his eyebrows scrunching together and his face turning to hers while he tried to compute the possibility of her words.

Never asked a guy on a date before? That was impossible; he knew just by looking at her that Y/N must have, no, had to have gone on thousands upon thousands of dates. Though as he continued to gaze into her eyes, he found that they held the truth, nothing but raw emotion and pure intentions swimming in them. And that’s what stumped Jungkook the most.

“Why—why are you asking me then?” He gulped, trying to steady his shaky voice as the nerves within him teemed with the uncertainty of whether or not he even wanted to know the answer to his question.

It was Y/N’s turn to react now; he watched as color slowly rose to her cheeks, a floral pink dusting over her skin and setting within her newly-timid form.

Jungkook was sure his wide eyes were locked on her in the most obvious of ways as he observed this, but he didn’t care. For the only way he would notice these things was if he examined her closely like he always did, because Y/N only allowed her exterior to exude confidence. She covered up her blushing cheeks and timid nerves with a shrug of her shoulders, something of an art she had mastered to not let people see beneath the surface of what she wanted them to see.

“You’re different.”

The revelation he’d discovered about her was put to a halt as she said these words, and he felt himself falling back, back, back into the deep pool of emotions that she always had him drowning in, gasping for air and struggling for rescue without throwing him so much as a life preserver. Those were the same words she’d said to him in his dorm room, the ones she’d mumbled without a care over his stack of notebooks that had him all but flinging her out the door shortly thereafter. And though this sparked a flicker of anger within him—how dare she use these words to manipulate him like this!—the emotion was engulfed by that of pure fear.

He could feel himself breaking down, his walls tumbling and his resolve shaking, the layer of solid ice he had built around himself now melting away under the heat of her shining rays. He didn’t want to accept, god no he didn’t want to accept. But the more he told himself those words, the more he could feel that they were a lie he was trying to convince himself, and that’s what frightened him the most. He knew he was going to get hurt, knew that if he accepted her invitation it would be past the point of no return. But as he gulped and opened his mouth to refuse, all that came out was a single:

“Yes.”

•••

Friday couldn’t get here fast enough.

After you had all but leaped in elation when he accepted, you barely had time to get out another word, much less the details of the date before he was racing down the sidewalk with the speed of a relay runner in an attempt to get away from you. But for the first time since you’d met him, you didn’t mind. You let him leave, because he actually accepted a date from you, and you weren’t ever going to let it go.

Being alone after his acceptance was probably a good thing, because even though you couldn’t get your encounter with him or the promise of a date out of your mind, you were able to remain rational and level-headed about it rather than make a fool of yourself as you knew you would’ve had you been in his presence. Never before had you been rendered speechless, but in that moment, you couldn’t form any coherent words or thoughts—just pure, unadulterated shock.

The details of the date, however, were proving to be a harder feat to overcome.

Jungkook was avoiding you, to put it lightly—meaning you couldn’t even find him en-route to his classes that you normally accompanied him to. And you really didn’t want to resort to what you were about to do, but he left you no choice, since the days were dwindling down and pretty soon it was Friday with still no sign of him.

You brought your fist up to the door and rapped your knuckles lightly, suddenly swarmed with a wave of nerves that you certainly weren’t accustomed to. Would he ignore your presence? Open the door simply to slam it back in your face? Or worse—what if he had changed his mind about the date? What if he didn’t even remember that you’d asked him out in the first place? Oh god, what were you doing? What were you–

Your worries were yanked to a halt when suddenly the door was cracked, and behind it was a sight that took your breath away in a single glance.

Jungkook was standing there, eyes timid and full of terror as he looked at you with an expression as if you were there to take away his first born child. A wide, genuine beam instantly sprung to your lips as you took in his appearance—a black sweater and dark jeans—that was a little too nice to assume he was just previously lounging in his room playing xbox. No, he had been anticipating your arrival, you were sure of it, and so you pressed your hand to the wooden door and pushed it open the rest of the way before waltzing inside without so much as an invitation.

“Hey,” you spoke casually, taking in the sight of his dorm room which hadn’t changed much since you last saw it—still just as spotless—before spinning around to face him. “Did you forget about our date?”

Jungkook, on the other hand, looked as if he’d just seen a ghost; his skin was stark-white, his hands were trembling as you noticed by his sides, and his lips were parted slightly in a silent gasp as he stood frozen in the doorway where you’d left him.

“N–no,” he finally spoke, swallowing thickly before darting his tongue out to lick the lips of his parched mouth—a sight that had you surely dying right then and there.

“Good,” you managed once you’d recovered your weak knees. “What do you like to do?”

“W–what?”

“What do you like to do?” You simply repeated, perching yourself on the edge of his desk as you stared at him curiously. “Where do you like to go in your free time? And don’t say no where, because I know that’s bullshit.”

Jungkook just gawked at you then, seeming at a loss for words as he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. “U–uh,” he started, the room filling with his blundering silence, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” You stood up then, taking a few steps towards him until you were only mere feet away. “Surely there has to be something; if I wasn’t here right now and you wanted to go out and do something, what would you do?”

Silence echoed throughout the small room as he contemplated your words, and after a while you were about to speak again before he finally opened his mouth. “I don’t know,” he repeated, though this time he paired the words with a shrug. “Maybe bowling or something?”

“Oh.” You couldn’t hide the surprise in your voice as you blinked at him. “So you have friends who live nearby?”

“No,” Jungkook immediately shook his head. “I’d go alone.”

“Wait, what?!” You couldn’t help the way the words screeched from your mouth as if it was the most barbaric thing you’d ever heard, nothing but pure disbelief driving your actions forward. “How do you bowl alone?”

“I just… bowl… alone.” He eyed you skeptically.

“No one should have to bowl alone; it’s a team sport! Come on, I know exactly where we’re going for our date.” You quickly reached forward in your haste and grabbed his hand to drag him forward, only for your movements to be halted by what felt like a jolt of electricity surging through your arm at the sudden touch.

Jungkook was quickly pulling his arm back, and you turned around to find him examining his hand before looking up at you with a frightened expression. That was one of the only few times you’ve touched him, you suddenly realized, and it was by gulping down your unsteady nerves that you were able to slowly reach out and touch his hand again.

Jungkook visibly stiffened in front of you, seeming as if he was using all of the willpower in his body to not yank his hand away and fling himself out the window in this very moment. You would’ve audibly exhaled if you could; the feeling of his skin against yours was the most refreshing, rejuvenating experience you’ve ever had in your entire life. He felt warm and buttery smooth beneath your fingertips, and you nearly resisted the urge to drool as you stared down and looked at the sight of his hand in yours. Your fingers weren’t intertwined and your palms weren’t clasped together—it was more like you were holding up the limb as if it was a delicacy, able to shatter beneath even the faintest of forces—but it felt magical, absolutely magical nonetheless.

After a few still seconds Jungkook slipped his hand from yours, and you felt your cheeks heat up with a heavy blush once you realized how long you’d been standing there staring at his hand. You raised your head up to see him nibbling on his lower lip and staring at the floor, an expression so uneasy and torn on his face that it was enough to keep the driving force within you from grabbing his hand again, the sensation feeling like ecstasy that you already knew you weren’t going to be able to get enough of. But you stopped yourself, sensing the discomfort and internal battle he was having within himself and decided that you didn’t want to be the cause of any more turmoil.

So you simply turned around, heading towards the door and twisting the knob before looking back at him. “Are you ready?” You asked, your voice surprisingly steady and clear through the clamoring heart beat in your ears.

He simply gulped and nodded, his eyes still fixated on the floor as he all but forced himself to move from the spot his feet were planted in, and the action was so reluctant that if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought the bottom of his shoes were glued to the ground.

He proceeded to follow you down the stairs and into the dorm parking lot, the crisp air nipping at your nose as you tugged your jacket tighter across your body and made your way over to the car you’d driven (actually Tae’s car, but the two of you shared it since you never really went anywhere without your friends anyways). Jungkook was walking at a safe distance behind you, but no matter how many times you turned around to make sure he hadn’t made a dive for the bushes when you weren’t looking, he was always there.

You didn’t bother asking if he had a vehicle since you knew freshman and sophomores weren’t even allowed to have one on campus unless they were commuters, so the ride to the bowling alley was filled with silence covered up by the tunes on the radio and the faint scent of cigarettes and weed emanating from the car’s interior. Normally you wouldn’t have even noticed the smell since you’d grown so used to it over the years, but being around Jungkook made you self conscious about things you weren’t previously aware of, and so you’d cleaned out every empty beer bottle and scrubbed every morsel of ash from within the cracks and crevices, the only remaining proof that this car was ever used for illegal activities being the faint scent of smoke lingering in the air.

The only reason you even knew the location of the bowling alley was because Namjoon had worked there back in freshman year when you all first became friends. Otherwise, you didn’t have a single clue. You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d bowled—was it for a middle school birthday, maybe?—but that didn’t stop you from driving there like your life depended on it, the presence of Jungkook in the passenger’s seat making your mind reel with thoughts you shouldn’t be thinking while operating a motorized vehicle.

“Are you cold?” You blurted, every inch of your limbs tingling with nerves as you lurched forward to fidget with the dials on the dashboard. “I can turn the heat on if you want.”

“No, I’m fine.” He simply shook his head and returned his gaze back out the window, driving you even more insane with questions of what could possibly be going through this silent, pensive boy’s head.

•••

Holy shit. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.

Jungkook’s mind wouldn’t shut up—not when she walked into his dorm room, not during the agonizingly long car ride, and not now as they walked into the local bowling alley.

Almost instantly there were sounds of falling pins filling the room, children’s laughter and rolling balls against the slick wooden floors shortly following behind, but he was far too lost in his head to hear any of it. He was surprised he could even see where he was going, what with his vision tunneling so much. But at the center of his focal point, right where she always was, was Y/N.

Except this time, Jungkook was following her. He was letting her lead him blindly into the dark sunken abyss that he knew he couldn’t get out of, knew he would drown in if she let him; but he didn’t have any plans of running away. All of the exits were quickly noted by him as soon as he walked into the building, but instead of making a quick escape like he knew he should’ve, his traitorous feet led him deeper into the building and up to the counter right behind her.

He knew he should’ve grabbed dinner on campus tonight.

Had he chosen to eat at the local cafeteria closest to his dorm instead of staying in, he wouldn’t have been inside his room when she came by. Had he chosen to not search through his clothes for three days picking out something acceptable to wear tonight, he could’ve played it off like he was sick instead of looking ready to go when she showed up. And had he chosen to ignore those five knocks against the wooden door that separated the two of them, those five knocks that he knew couldn’t be from anyone else but her, he wouldn’t be here right now.

But it was too late.

He didn’t go out to eat tonight, and was inside his dorm room when she came by. He did spend three days trying on every outfit that he owned in an attempt to figure out which looked the most presentable, and had put it on exactly one hour before she showed up at his door. And he didn’t ignore those five knocks that he knew came from her knuckles; in fact, he practically leapt up at them, reaching for the handle at the speed of light and opening it with too much anticipation for someone who didn’t want to be on this date.

No, it was far too late. Because he was here, and he found himself not wanting to be anywhere else.

“Seven,” he heard Y/N say to the man working behind the register before she turned to Jungkook, her gaze into his eyes making him fall from his thoughts and crash head first into no thoughts at all, everything around him turning into a dazed, dreamlike state filled with nothing but the intensity of her smoldering stare.

“Your shoe size?”

It was the man behind the counter that ultimately brought him back to reality, his thick mustache and half-balding head dull in comparison to the otherworldly beauty that was she.

Jungkook felt his face heat up in embarrassment. “U–uh, nine,” he stuttered after a second of getting his bearings straight.

The man disappeared behind an employees only door. “This is great,” Y/N gushed as she looked around the room, and Jungkook couldn’t help but look at her instead. “I haven’t gone bowling in ages. Have you been here before?”

It was her gaze on him again that made him shift his to the floor, not wanting her to know that he was taking advantage of the opportunity that her wandering eyes gave him to admire her profile. “To this one?” He questioned in a wavering tone before shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe once or twice.”

He didn’t admit that he came up here almost every week during the summer practicing the sport, and if she caught onto his small stretch of the truth, she didn’t show any signs of it.

In fact, she didn’t show any signs that she’d heard his words at all. Instead her eyes were on him, watching him with an expression that made his heart lurch in his throat and his stomach almost certainly spill the contents of his last meal all over the tiled floor before the man was suddenly returning from behind the door, this time carrying two pairs of shoes with him.

“Women’s seven and a men’s nine.” He plopped the shoes on the countertop before turning away, not even sparing them so much as a good luck! before he was gone entirely.

“Well,” Y/N’s voice had him shrinking back into his shell—not that he ever came out of it to begin with—and trembling in fear of what was to come. This was it. They were actually getting ready to bowl together, to share one of his favorite pastimes–

“Are you ready?”

She was looking at him with an expectant, curious expression, and Jungkook quickly gulped before grabbing his shoes and following her to their set station.

Everything was just as he remembered over the summer: the scratchy speakers filling the room with old tunes that were barely heard over the thundering explosion of bowling balls crashing into pins, the sticky floor that clung to the bottom of their shoes as if it was covered in a poor cleaning job of spilled coke or candy throughout the day, the tables aligned at each and every lane meant for parties of four or more. Though there was only one difference, and it made all the difference in the world.

Jungkook wasn’t alone. He wasn’t shutting out the world and zoning into his game, breathing air in and out of his lungs in slow, deep breaths to try and focus before he made a strike. He wasn’t escaping the problems of his everyday life—problems like pleasing his family and getting into a good college—only to return home after one quick game, knowing that he’d stayed out far too long. He wasn’t doing anything close to those things; he was here with Y/N.

Jeon Jungkook was on an actual date with Y/N. And that one difference was enough to make him want to give up his favorite pastime and cower away in fear for the rest of his life.

His palms were already slick with sweat when he selected his favorite ball from the rack behind their station. It was the same one he used every time he came here, the one with the knick by the right finger hole, though he would never admit that. Y/N grabbed the lightest ball she could find, and Jungkook wanted to point out that a heavier ball with a larger mass would provide a higher force and knock the pins down with greater velocity, but he kept his mouth shut. Of course she wouldn’t care about trivial matters such as the logical physics behind bowling that he’d spent so much time learning over the years.

While she busied herself with setting her ball on the dispenser, Jungkook promptly walked over to the screen to log their names in. It was only when his index finger went up to press a button did he realize just how much his nerves had him shaking. He could barely even remember his name at this point, much less be expected to input it into a computerized system.

And as if she could sense his thoughts, somehow squeezing her way into his mind as she’d done since the first moment they’d met, down to the very second they collided into one another and toppled over onto the cold concrete of the sidewalk, Y/N was peering around his shoulder at the screen.

If she noticed that his hands were shaking or the way he jolted back as if she’d caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to, desperate to put some distance between them, she didn’t show it.

“Oh, is this where you put in the names?” Her face was bright, smiling, and Jungkook didn’t understand why she looked so excited until she said, “let’s put in fun nicknames.”

Jungkook blinked at her with big, doe eyes. “Nicknames?”

“Yeah!” Y/N replied as if it was the most common, logical thing ever, and it may be; Jungkook had no clue, because he had never played with anyone else before. “You think of mine and I’ll think of yours,” she continued.

“U–um…” he rubbed the back of his neck as if he was thinking in an attempt to buy himself more time. She wanted him to think of a nickname for her? He could barely remember the name his own mother gave him!

He finally stirred from his fear-induced thoughts when he heard her clear her throat; she was staring at him, blinking expectantly with an expression in her eyes that practically knocked the wind from his lungs in one swift motion and sent him tumbling over right then and there.

He gripped with white knuckles onto the machine for support. “Y/N’s fine, I guess…” he mumbled and looked down at the ground, not wanting to admit that he actually found her name—much like herself—beautiful.

She gazed up at him for a few more moments before she was softly clearing her throat again and nodding her head. “I like Kookie for you,” she offered as she typed her name on the screen. “What do you think?”

He practically choked on his spit. “W–what?”

“Kookie,” she responded as if he genuinely hadn’t heard her. It was only when she lifted her head to look at him with an innocent smile that her eyes widened in concern. “What? Do you not like that name?” She was quickly backspacing on the keypad before he could manage to answer.

“N–no, no!” He hurried to stop her with a wave of his hands. “I just… n–no one has ever called me that.”

His words made the grin on her lips spread wider. “Good. It will be my nickname for you, then.”

Jungkook felt like he was going to faint.

It went this way for a while: Jungkook would close himself off, same as always, Y/N would say or do something extremely forward (or at least, more forward than he was used to, which wasn’t much at all), and he would be left speechless where he stood, questioning life itself and what he was doing here with a girl who was surely the sun, the moon and all the stars in the sky combined radiantly peering down at him. He knew he had no place here, knew that he should be making a run for the nearest exit as soon as her eyes left him for the split second that she would roll her bowling ball down the lane, each smooth curvature of the polyester getting closer and closer to knocking down the acutely aligned pins that were equivalent to the strings of his heart, so tense and unable to do anything but wait for the impact that he knew would hit him like a ton of bricks and leave him helpless on the ground, soon to be forgotten and swept beneath the mat like yesterday’s news after she’d had her way with him.

God, why did every single menial task have to remind him of a metaphor for their situation? Even his precious sport was tainted by thoughts of her.

“Have you been bowling recently?” Y/N’s seemingly harmless question had Jungkook snapping back to reality, his eyes wide in fear that she had discovered his small stretch of the embarrassing truth.

“W–what?”

“Your score is so much higher than mine,” she laughed and gestured over her shoulder with her thumb to the screen on the ceiling behind her as she made her way over to him, the bright white 82 sticking out like a sore thumb against her measly 23.

“I uh, used to play a lot when I was younger,” he answered with a nervous hand on the back on his neck. And then he was saying something to her he never expected to, blurting out the words faster than his brain could register what was happening. “I could help you, if you want.”

Her eyes instantly lit up, and the sight had his heart thumping wildly in his chest, threatening to soar into the sky despite his stomach dropping in dread at the realization of what he’d just done.

“Yeah, that would be great!”

His mouth suddenly grew dryer than the sahara desert, and he tried to swallow but he couldn’t manage through the large lump lodged in the center of his throat. “U–um, okay.”

He moved closer to her despite every warning bell and alarm going off like sirens in his head, thrashing louder and louder with each step that he took until he was standing next to her in front of the lane where she waited patiently for his instructions before her second chance to knock down the pins.

“You just have to, um,” he gulped in hopes that his voice sounded more confident than the fear that was engulfing him whole, “hold your ball steady the entire time while you’re swinging and aim for the pins you want to hit.”

“Easier said than done,” she simply tutted, and then she was glancing over at him with a mix of amusement and mischief in her eyes. “Would you demonstrate for me?”

His hidden competitive nature was protesting instantly within him, knowing that if he gave her any ounce of assistance that could jeopardize the final score of the game. But the other part of him, the part that was speechless and captivated and filled with intense nerves from head to toe by her mere presence alone was rather dominating (overpowering every single other emotion he possessed, in fact), and paved the way for his response.

“D–demonstrate?” He repeated, as if he even had to contemplate his answer at all, and then he was reaching out for the light ball that was nestled between her palms. “May I?”

She quickly obliged, handing over the object within her fingers that he was careful to avoid for fear of fleeing entirely from the physical contact, physical contact that has proven to set his entire body aflame with sparks of electricity that surged throughout his veins, filling him with thoughts that he shouldn't—no, couldn’t be having about her. These were thoughts that he kept locked away in the back of his mind until the very early hours of the morning when he was surrounded in the darkness of his dorm, left to nothing but the empty bed of his roommate on the other side and himself.

He didn’t know which was worse: the tortures that she made him endure throughout the day, or the tortures that his body, heart, soul made him endure throughout the night.

“You just hold it like this,” he quickly demonstrated by holding the ball up to his chest, his arm curled tightly against him and locking in place. “Focus in on the area you want to hit. Then bring your arm back behind you and shoot.” He kept his posture stiff and straight while he mimicked the form of a professional bowler, one leg crossing behind the other as the ball swiftly launched from his hand and slid across the floor with precision and grace, a loud thunder echoing throughout the building as the screen lit up above them with the signs of a spare.

“Wow,” Y/N gaped, though he knew she must be practicing sarcasm. “You make it look so easy.”

Despite his skepticism, he couldn’t help but light up in a rosy red blush that spread across his cheeks at her words. “Th–thank you,” he managed to stammer out at her compliment. “You want to try?”

Her eyes flashed down to the ball he was handing back to her, and before he even had time to register what was happening, her fingers were reaching out and coming in contact with his in a manner so brazen that he almost dropped the heavy weight right on their feet below.

He instantly retracted his hand as if hers were suddenly made of lava and hot to the touch, singeing the skin and burning deep within the very bone, branding him with her fingerprints that would forever be engraved in his memory like a scalding iron pressed against the flesh.

Thankfully she was there to catch it before it was sent hurtling towards to floor. “Yeah,” she answered with an otherwise collected tone, not showing any signs of noticing his odd behavior. “So you just hold it like this…”

“Wait!” Jungkook interrupted while she was getting into position. “It’s my turn now.”

Y/N stared at him for another few still beats before a smirk of amusement flashed upon her features. “What’s the matter? Scared I’m gonna screw up your perfect score?” Her tone was teasing as she waved the ball on her fingers in a taunting manner.

He raised his eyebrows, completely floored by the sudden change in behavior. He’d let his competitive nature get the best of him in the moment, but never did he expect a response so challenging, so enticing. The effect it had on him was stronger than he’d like to admit to her—or even himself for that matter.

He didn’t know how to respond; he’d never been in a situation quite like this one before. The pensive, squeamish side of him wanted to throw his hands up in surrender and let her have the shot, hell, let her play his entire game if she wanted to. But then another side, an instinctive, thrill-seeking, far more intriguing side of him wanted to taunt her right back.

“You could try, but something tells me that’s not going to happen.”

He didn’t know what’d come over him; the small grin tilting at the corner of his lips felt foreign, the tone of his voice felt too bold, and the way his fingers gestured to her obviously-incorrect stance had him internally shriveling in mortification that he would even think of interacting with her this way.

But his behavior seemed to spark something in Y/N.

“So teach me,” she suddenly blurted out, the pure desperation and hope on her features practically knocking the wind out of him, and he could tell what she was insinuating before she even spoke it aloud. “Come here and teach me.”

The assertion in her voice had him swallowing thickly, all hopes of protesting going with the last bit of saliva down his throat and leaving his mouth dry and unable to get a single word out past his parched lips. He knew what she wanted, could feel the tips of his fingers and toes tingling with nervous jitters and sparks of anticipation wrapping their way around each tendon in his body.

She wanted him to touch her.

“I–I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…” he trailed off in the same shy, timid voice as always, nervously scratching the back of his neck. “You seem to have it figured out on your own.”

It was a lie, of course; he hadn’t seen a bowling stance so horrendous in all of his 18 years of living. But he bit back his tongue, bit it back until his teeth started to puncture the surface and red, metallic blood began to spill between the crevices, because there was no way he could ever tell Y/N that. He knew what she would want.

And there was no way he could give into what he’s been working so hard against this entire time.

“So like this…?” She was reeling her arm back in a way that was obviously wrong, almost painful for him to watch as a lover of the sport, and he just couldn’t, couldn’t stand there and let her destroy what he held so precious to him.

“No no no, like this.” He was quickly pressing his palm to the ball in her grasp before he could even stop himself and leading it back, back until her arm was in the correct position behind her back and her body was twisted correctly, all thanks to the firm hand that he had pressed against the small of her waist.

Time seemed to stop around them. The only sound he could hear was the steady rise and fall of his labored breaths, so gentle yet closing in and threatening to suffocate him entirely, cutting off his air supply until he was nothing but a mere corpse in this bowling alley, an outer shell of his former self. He couldn’t move even if he wanted to; he was trapped, rendered motionless in her web that she had tangled him in, stuck mere inches from her body with one hand on the ball and the other on her waist.

And his entire body felt aflame.

“U–uh, j–just like that,” Jungkook practically choked as he quickly removed his hand, in complete and utter disbelief that he had the audacity to touch her so intimately when he was barely even able to return a handshake. What in the world had come over him? Who did he think he was?

Y/N was silent in front of him; he couldn’t see her expression, but he knew she must be mortified, because her body was stiff and still and she wasn’t moving save for the slow rise and fall of her shoulders that let him know she was still alive and breathing.

This was it: the fuck up beyond all fuck ups. His eyes instantly darted towards each exit around him, trying to figure out which would be closest to make his quick escape. Could he make it towards that back door? No, then he would have to clamber and climb past each and every station that separated the exit and him, and there was no way he would make it past all of those people. The front door was his best option. Maybe if he just–

“I did it!” A piping, melodic voice shattered the thoughts from his mind and caused him to tumble down, down back to earth until he realized that it was Y/N who was cheering in front of him. “I got a strike!”

She was jumping and spinning around to beam at him, the bright expression lighting up her face and rendering him speechless, blinded by the effervescent glow that radiated off of her so effortlessly that he was hypnotized, too entranced to notice that she was making a leap towards him and throwing her arms around his shoulders in a joyous hug.

Jungkook was practically knocked off his feet, breathless and floored by the actions that she sprung upon him, though it wasn’t the force of her weight that had taken his balance.

No, it was the fact that Y/N’s arms were around his neck, and her body was against his chest, and the side of her head was brushing against his cheek in a way that had every inch of his skin turning the color of a cherry red tomato.

He wanted to push her away. He wanted to shove her as far as he could, away from the thrashing heart in his chest that was growing wilder with each passing second that he stayed lodged in her arms without escape. He knew she could feel it, he was sure of it, and the thought only made him break out into an intensely cold, nervous sweat.

But he didn’t. Instead he found his arms winding their way around her waist and patting the middle of her back in a soft, congratulatory way.

And damn his entire body, heart and soul that were all traitorous at this point, because no matter how deafeningly loud his mind screamed at him to stop, he just couldn’t.

He couldn’t stop when she pulled away with laughter, her entire face lit up in the most beautiful expression known to mankind as she jokingly told him that they would be switching names so that she was now beating him. He couldn’t stop as she joked and teased him for the rest of the night, the air between them growing lighthearted and less tense than he had ever felt it in his entire life, and for once he wasn’t overthinking every minuscule detail that popped into his head with plans to ruin the freeing moment. He couldn’t stop, even as she claimed she beat him with his score from the beginning of the game that aided her efforts, even as she drove back with the radio blasting and her sweet, melodic voice flitting through the open windows as she sang along, and even as she walked him up to the front entrance of the dorms.

“I had a really great time, Jungkook,” she was saying, but it was as if he was in a dream, her beautiful voice somehow finding its way through the haze of his mind. “I hope we can do it again sometime.”

He didn’t respond, too lost in his clouded daze to even begin to form his lips into words, and it was only when he saw that she was slowly leaning into him that everything shattered.

Panic: that’s the one emotion that was crawling beneath his skin like the aftereffects of a poison, slowly eating him alive until he was rendered sightless with nothing but pure black tunneling his vision. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t speak; he couldn’t do anything but stick his hand out and halt her movements.

“For the proper handshake I never gave you,” he managed with a chuckle, though he was sure the sound came out far less harmonious than intended.

Y/N simply looked down at the gesture before smiling, her perfectly shaped lips that were the focal point of his sight pulling back to reveal her brilliant teeth, and before he had a chance to realize what was happening, she was accepting his handshake and pulling him into her.

Everything seemed to play in slow motion, yet happen all too quickly at the same time—her grasp on his hand, the stumbling of his feet, the closing of her eyes. Jungkook didn’t even have time to question the rapid beating of his heart that threatened to spill from his throat at any moment, because soon her lips were on his, and everything else vanished.

•••

Heaven.

That was what kissing Jungkook felt like. There were angels sounding off in your head like a euphonious choir, harmonies blending together with what was the most dulcet sound you’d ever heard to match the taste on your lips, so sweet and euphoric that you almost had to pinch yourself to shake your mind down from the stars that were dancing above.

It only lasted a moment; what started so quickly had ended just the same, your body physically aching for more though you willed yourself to stay still for fear of ruining the serene moment between the two of you.

Jungkook pulled away with wide eyes, his movements akin to a stunned little kid, breath rising and falling in his chest and a gulp climbing down his throat before he was turning around and shuffling inside his dorm without so much as a bye! falling from his lips.

Not even the loud slamming of the door could shake you from your effervescent high, the sensations that were swirling through your body and mind leaving you far more intoxicated than any substance ever could. You knew this was past the point of no return; there would be no turning back now, no denying after this. You were falling for Jungkook, the same way you had fallen into him the very first day you met. You were a goner from the start.

This was the first time you had ever gone out with a boy and not slept with him. That fact alone was enough to chill you to the very bone, unable to shake the feeling of discomfort and fear that threatened to engulf you whole the more you thought about it. But at the moment, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

After all, you were looking forward to a lot of firsts with Jungkook.

#jungkook scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook smut #bts smut #bts fanfic

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thedeadflag · 8 years ago

Note

What are abo fics...?

A/B/O stands for Alpha/Beta/Omega, or Omegaverse for short. It’s a fandom trope created by mashing a whole bunch of smaller tropes together into a big one, built around the famously misunderstood notion that real life wolves operate within a power hierarchy, with the hypermasculine alphas dominating, betas filling the ranks, and the feminine omegas being the submissive breeders. It was created for m/m slash fics in fandoms like Supernatural (and later Teen Wolf), but it’s been carried over to het and f/f fandoms as well.

It implements a lot of rape-fic and bestiality elements, on top of egregiously intense power dynamics along the line of those found in 50SoG (so…not a good handle of power dynamics, essentially) that are essentialized (people are born into them, they can’t escape these inherent dominance/submission dynamics, you’re born dominant or born to submit, and you will always eventually give in to your biological imperative to fulfill your role). And femslash a/b/o is built ona foundation of transmisogyny, cissexism, compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormativity, sexist gender roles, misogyny,toxic masculinity, and all sorts of other wonderful (read: terrible) influences.

There are the Alphas, who always have penises (cis perisex men and g!p women), though sometimes in the female alpha’s sake, they might have a ‘were-penis’ that emerges when aroused, or during a set time of year like rutting season (when they are, or nearly are incapable of controlling their biological urge to fuck someone relentlessly). who are capital D dominant, who exude a scent that helps tell Omegas how powerful the Alpha is. They also tend to roar, and be violent, aggressive, and usually embody a lot of toxic masculinity. Essentially, they lead, and others submit to them out of nature due to their innate power.

There are Betas, which basically tend to be average everyday people, who might sometimes have better senses. They’re usually unaffected by Omegas, but will cow to Alphas.

There are Omegas, who are cis perisex females, or b!p men. They give birth, and give off scents of their own to signal their heats, which is a period when they are overcome by their desire to be fucked by a powerful alpha, and usually can’t help but submit to the biological urges/their nature. Omegas are nearly all submissive, or if they appear not to be, they nearly always end up giving in to their ‘nature’ and submitting later in a fic to the prime Alpha, becoming what was expected of them, even if just for their significant other/mate. They are generally considered (especially in m/m works) the most inferior of the three classes of people. They are the lowest rung in regards to respect. Originally, at the start of the a/b/o trope, they were also called “bitch males”/”bitch females”

I’ll copy-paste the rundown/criticism @hobbitkaiju gave on A/B/O because it’s much more detailed (user changed names, so I’m not sure how to link to the full actual bit, so I’ll just copy from the word file I ripped the original to way back as reference)

I. TRANS PEOPLE EXIST, REALLY WE DO

I’ve never once seen any A/B/O fic that acknowledges the existence of trans people. Mind you, there’s very little fanfic that acknowledges the existence of trans people anyway, much less does it in a positive and affirming way, so maybe this is just a coincidence. But at least when authors are writing about a gendered/sexual universe that’s like our current one, I can believe that trans people do exist somewhere, even if they’re not characters in that particular story. In A/B/O? Not so much. So it’s like cis authors have gone to the trouble of creating an entire other universe where people like me don’t (and couldn’t) exist. Wow.

A/B/O as a trope is often about the authors asking certain questions and then answering them via fic. Those questions are often as follows: “What if some men could get pregnant? What if some women had cocks and/or a desire to penetrate others?”

Well guess what, cis authors. Some men already can get pregnant, some women do have genitals many people would label ‘cocks’, and some women do want to penetrate others. (Those two groups of women aren’t necessarily the same people, btw.) You didn’t have to invent a fantasy universe where cis men and women could do what trans bodies are already capable of.

But in A/B/O-verse, the bodies are nothing like trans bodies. Nothing at all. So it’s this weird alternate universe in which cis people are using the idea of trans bodies but making them ‘more attractive’ and thus more erotically acceptable to a cis audience.

Wow.

II. TRANSMISOGYNY IS A THING

Let’s take the idea of “female alphas” as an example. In A/B/O-verse, “female alphas” are people who were assigned female at birth, who have curvy bodies and breasts, and who also have ‘functional’ cocks and testes. They can get and sustain erections, ejaculate sperm, and impregnate their partners, and often they want to do all those things.

So basically, “female alphas” are everything that cis people want from the gross fetish porn they make of trans women, but minus everything that cis people don’t like or feel uncomfortable with about trans women. “Female alphas” are “women born women,” having somehow been identified as female from birth despite their penises and testes. “Female alphas” don’t have broad shoulders, defined muscles, facial hair, Adam’s apples, or any of the other physical characteristics for which cis people stigmatize trans women. They never need implants or other surgeries to look that way, so they’re “all natural”–unlike trans women, who are stigmatized for being “unnatural”.

So basically A/B/O involves taking the characteristic cis people find so erotically fascinating/disgusting about trans women and to which trans women are so often reduced–their genitals–and putting them on a cis woman to make them more acceptable. Wow.

And yet I’m somehow supposed to believe that it’s just a coincidence that A/B/O smut perfectly mimics mainstream trans porn, in which real trans women are so often portrayed in ways that don’t reflect the actual behaviors of trans women IRL.

III. BIOLOGICAL BULLSHITTERY (THAT’S ACTUALLY MISOGYNY)

I know it’s always perilous to look too closely at the logic of any particular fandom trope. Many tropes are just meant to be a silly shared joke, and that’s great. It’s a community game we all play together, a shared culture of ideas and happily accepted trends. “Sure, these two characters have to get married as part of a secret mission! Sure, they’ll fall in love by accident! This is totally reasonable!” And that’s fine. It’s sweet, it’s lovely, because it harms no one and is just in good fun.

A/B/O, not so much. It’s a silly trope, yes, based on a completely unfounded notion about how wolf packs function. (I’m not even going to address how ridiculously inaccurate A/B/O is even in referencing wolf behavior, because I’m not a zoologist and I don’t give a shit about that. Wolves don’t care if their sexual lives are misrepresented in erotic fanfic.) But A/B/O says a lot more about how its authors think about gender and sexuality than it does about wolves and pack dynamics.

In most A/B/O, “male omegas” have kind of a cloaca thing going, where they defecate, breed, and give birth via the same orifice. Which, wow, gross. Almost no fanfic ever acknowledges that people poop out of their butts, which, okay sure, it does ruin the mood of fanfic (just like it ruins IRL sex) to get a dick in someone’s butt and realize via doing so that the recipient has to take a dump. Fine, I can accept that fandom doesn’t want to acknowledge poop.

But the fact that “male omegas” don’t have anything resembling a birth canal is significant. In fact, many “male omegas” in fanfiction don’t have anything that could even remotely be mistaken for “female genitals”. (hint: there’s nothing female about that genital shape actually) They certainly never menstruate, even though they’d have to if they were capable of pregnancy! Instead, most “male omegas” also have ‘functional’ external genitals: cocks that get and sustain erections and can be used for penetration, and testes that ejaculate white fluids.

Why would “male omegas” ejaculate white if they don’t produce sperm? Why would they have external testes at all, in fact? It makes far more sense for their testes (if they must have them) to be internal, where they’re protected. The reason testicles are outside of the body at all is so sperm can develop properly at slightly lower than body temperature. And why would “male omegas” need erections if their reproductive “role” is to be impregnated? Come to think of it, why do “male omegas” never develop breast tissue, either? Not even after they give birth and theoretically nurse their own infants!

There are two answers to this, and the answers are: transphobia and misogyny, either singly or together, with a possible bonus of homophobia. Cis fanfic authors either can’t or don’t want to imagine men with breasts and vaginas (transphobia), or they don’t want to write about anything that even remotely resembles what cis people consider a “female” body (misogyny), or they just plain want to write about men having anal sex without having to address real-life gay men’s needs like exogenous lubrication (possible homophobia or just sex-negativity, who even knows at this point it’s so busted). No matter which of those options it is, WOW. JUST WOW.

The end result is that pretty much everybody in A/B/O verses have erection-capable cocks and testes that ejaculate white fluids. Male betas have them! Male alphas have them. Female alphas have them! Male omegas definitely also have them! That means that it’s just two sexes out of six that have anything resembling a vagina? Wow. That’s a pretty disturbing ratio, given that fandom is mostly cis women.

IV. BIOLOGY AIN’T ALWAYS DESTINY

A/B/O as a trope is often about biological imperative. Its primary appeal is basically “I’m helpless because my body wants something so intensely and I have no choice but to go along for the ride.” And I get the appeal of that, really I do. Everybody struggles with disagreeing with their body from time to time, including about sexual desire. It’s fine to write about that as a topic. But A/B/O is different, because it’s also about gender and sexual function.

If the primary thrust of A/B/O as a trope is biological imperative, think about what it implies about trans people. Trans people often want to alter their bodies’ sexual/reproductive capacity in some way, and often engage in sex that doesn’t match the normative narrative for people with their genital shape. Meanwhile, many A/B/O fics are about the overwhelming pleasure, the natural rightness of accepting one’s reproductive role and submitting to that. It’s about people giving in to or being made to give in to their biology. Which, as a trans reader–wow. NOEP

Now, this is not to imply that all trans people are dead set on altering our reproductive capacities, or that all of us use our genitals in ‘unconventional’ ways, because we’re not and we don’t. But a trope that is founded on the idea that everyone should just give in and get fucked as their bodies were ‘intended’ to be fucked? That’s harmful to trans people who do want to change their bodies or have sex in alternative ways. Hell, it’s harmful to cis people who don’t want that either. It’s just harmful to everybody.

So yeah, super super gross and fetishistic and full of compulsory het, misogyny, heteronormativity, cissexism, transphobia, etc. Not a good trope.

#transphobia #transmisogyny #trans fetishization #cissexism #fandom tropes #fandom meta #genitals tw #biological essentialism #genital mention tw #rape tw #omegaverse #a/b/o #alpha beta omega #g!p #misogyny #compulsory heterosexuality #toxic masculinity #heteronormativity

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riichardwilson · 4 years ago

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Long-Tail Keywords – 3 Key Ways to Find Super-Focused Keywords

One of the toughest aspects of working in SEO Company is convincing clients that what you’re doing will pay off. Choosing to optimize for long-tail keywords can be a tough fight to win, with some clients not immediately understanding why we’d opt to target lower volume keywords.

While it might seem totally counterproductive to optimize for less popular search terms, the truth is, targeting long-tail keywords results in increased traffic and conversions.

Pages optimized for long-tail keywords have a click-through rate up to 19% higher than those optimized for short-tail keywords. More clicks mean more traffic and more chances to turn visitors into customers.

The statistics are tremendous, obviously. But this article will really prove to you the benefits of optimizing for long-tail keywords, along with the most effective ways to find them.

What Are Long-Tail Keywords?

Long-tail keywords are low volume, less competitive search terms. As they are super-focused search queries, long-tail keywords generally convert better.

It’s important to note that the length of the search query doesn’t determine whether or not it’s considered long-tail. An Ahrefs study showed that 29.13% of keywords with a search volume of 10,001+ contain three or more words.

Source: Ahrefs

Hence, around a third of high volume search queries are actually longer phrases, rather than just one or two words.

Remember that longer keywords might not necessarily be less popular keywords. Do your research to determine volume and competition.

Why Are Long-Tail Keywords Important?

Long-tail keywords are important because the large majority of online searches are long-tail. They make up around 70% of search traffic. The other thing about long-tail keywords is that they are easier to rank for. Think about it: if you only go after popular keywords you’ll be constantly battling with major brands for a top spot on the SERPs.

What did you search for last? I searched “what to do for a strained neck”… Ahh, the joys of laboring over a computer all day. Anyway, this is a low volume keyword with low competition:

Chances are your last Google search comprised a long-tail keyword, too. Because the large majority of online searches are long-tail. They make up around 70% of search traffic:

Source: Moz

This proves that if you overlook long-tail keywords you could be missing out on a lot of potential traffic.

The other thing about long-tail keywords is that they are easier to rank for. Think about it: if you only go after popular keywords you’ll be constantly battling with major brands for a top spot on the SERPs.

These big brands have been at it for a while and they have a lot of authority on the web. To be in with even a chance of ranking alongside them would take a lot of time and effort on your part.

But, if you optimize for less competitive, long-tail keywords, you’ll rank and increase traffic much quicker. Then, as you build momentum, increase traffic, and prove your authority on the web, there’s a chance you’ll start ranking for popular, high volume keywords, as well. Win.

Not only are long-tail keywords easier to rank for but they also bring in qualified traffic. When users make specific, intentional searches, they’re much more likely to convert.

According to Google’s advice on improving your conversion rate,

Generally, more specific keywords like “Acme 710c” tend to lead to a better conversion rate than general keywords like “Acme.” That’s because people searching for specific models or product numbers have typically already researched their product and want to make a purchase.

How does this work in a real life scenario? Well, let’s say a user searches “hairdressers that do box braids”, (which is a long-tail keyword):

Obviously, there’s a crystal clear objective behind this search query. If your page is optimized for this query and satisfies the user’s objective, then it’s more likely to result in a salon visit.

Pages optimized for short-tail keywords suit broader audiences. While those optimized for long-tail queries serve the needs of a specific audience. And as a result of you serving the needs of searchers better, you’ll get more customers.

Now you understand the value of long-tail keywords, but where do you find them?

1. Audience Questions

Nowadays, Google’s main concern is satisfying the needs of the user. As such, a key pillar of their mission statement is “Focus on the User”.

Source: Google

Here, they explain how they perform testing and make changes to the search engine so that they always provide the most useful and relevant results for the user. And, of course, we know they’re referring to those pesky algorithm updates.

So, SEO Company these days is less about traditional keyword research and more about providing value to the user. Which means you have to create content that is rich in the information that real users are searching for.

To do this, consider what questions users ask in relation to your product or service, as well as your industry. This is an easy way to generate long-tail search queries that respond to the information they most desire.

Thankfully, there are several ways to find question-based long-tail keywords. The first place to look is Google’s “People Also Ask” box. This SERP feature generates tons of questions related to the main search term.

For example, if you type in “counselling services”, these questions pop up:

It illustrates the type of information those who search for counselling services also want to know. To show Google that you care about the user, you’ll need to answer these questions somewhere within your content.

Other places where you can find real user questions are forums and platforms where people tend to ask their peers questions. Find industry-specific forums through a simple Google search – “your niche + forum”:

The most useful forums will have high membership numbers and lots of recent activity. This is because older questions don’t represent current trending search terms or topics.

Larger platforms with multiple categories, such as Reddit and Quora, are also good choices. Let’s say you run a careers service. A quick search of Reddit reveals a relevant subreddit r/careerguidance.

The page features questions, such as “How to get remote jobs?” and “How do you deal with career FOMO?”

These are great long-tail keyword ideas. But, to get even more value from a forum page like this, look out for similar questions that appear multiple times, as well as the questions users engage with most. On Reddit, this would mean the most comments and up-votes. This indicates what kind of information your audience is looking for most.

Another useful resource is AnswerThePublic. Type in one of your main keywords and you’ll receive a chart packed with all of the questions search engines autosuggest in relation to your keywords.

For example, here’s what a section of the chart looks like when you type in “florist”:

There are questions, such as “where to buy florist supplies”, “when to do floristry for the wedding”, and tons more great suggestions.

Click “Download CSV” to get a spreadsheet containing all of the search terms. Sort through these terms and delete those which are not relevant to your niche or the services you provide.

Once you have a list of relevant, question-based long-tail keywords you can begin to target them.

These keywords make for excellent blog post topics. Or you can create dedicated support pages around the keywords on your website.

For instance, the following flower delivery service has dedicated FAQ pages for each of their main categories. Here, they answer questions about the type of flowers you should send for new baby, whether it’s okay to deliver flowers to a hospital and so on:

Source: FloristOne

Like this company, you can serve your audience’s needs by seeking out and answering their most pressing questions. As a result, you’ll also please Google and likely see a rise in rankings.

2. Google’s Suggestions

If you want to find long-tail keywords closely related to your niche or topic, it makes sense to go straight to the source.

There are two main spots where Google makes suggestions. The first is via their autosuggest function. Here’s an example:

Type in “hire a contractor” and you see more specific, less popular search terms, such as “hire a contractor app” and “hire a contractor to build a house”.

The next option is to look at the related search section at the bottom of the SERP. Here we have even more related long-tail search queries:

When you perform this kind of keyword research, the trick is to take similar keywords and bundle them together. The reason being, many are so similar that it wouldn’t make any kind of sense to create dedicated pages or blog posts for each. Neither from a business perspective nor an SEO Company perspective.

But your keyword bundles are still extremely useful. You may be thinking… Ahh, because of LSI keywords. Well, I’m going to bust another SEO Company myth wide open and say LSI (Latent Semantic Indexing) keywords aren’t really a thing.

There’s no such thing as LSI keywords — anyone who’s telling you otherwise is mistaken, sorry.

— John (@JohnMu) July 30, 2019

Experts tend to agree that although LSI keywords don’t technically matter, Google does require synonyms or related words and phrases to understand what a web page is all about.

So, take a bundle of long-tail keywords and integrate them into one page or one piece of content. It’s an efficient way to optimize your content for the long-tail and it’s super beneficial for your overall SEO Company strategy.

The added bonus here is that content can rank for multiple, even hundreds of long-tail keywords. In one case study, an agency found a rather tasty piece of low-hanging fruit in the form of a content gap for one long-tail keyword: “What happens to your old number plate when you change it?” And their blog post ended up ranking for another 594 search terms.

Anyway, your key takeaway here is to go straight to the horse’s mouth and see what Google thinks the best related search terms are. Then, integrate them into your content to rank for multiple terms at once.

For instance, if you wanted to create a post on the dangers of vaping and Google suggests these terms:

It wouldn’t be difficult to integrate “vaping dangers”, “vaping health risks” and “harmful effects of vaping” into one piece of content.

You simply need to combine the terms which fit together naturally.

3. Google Tools

Google’s own tools should be a part of your SEO Company toolkit. You may have your fave research tool. But we like to kick it old school with Google tools because they’re accessible and free.

Keyword Planner is a natural place to do keyword research and analysis. Head to Keyword Planner and type in one of your overarching keywords. Switch Avg. monthly searches to ascending order. Sort through the results to find keywords with a low search volume (up to 1,000). And finally, pick out those with low or medium competition.

For example, when you type in “accountant”, there are heaps of great suggestions, such as “sap financial accounting” and “chartered tax advisor”:

Don’t worry if there’s a low search volume. Remember that specific searches like these are more likely to result in a conversion. So, using such keywords is still worthwhile.

Another Google tool you can utilize is Google Analytics. Within Analytics head to Acquisition > Search Console > Queries. Here you’ll see the keywords that you currently rank for.

Go through these results with a fine-tooth comb. You may find some low-hanging fruit of your very own. In other words, long-tail keywords that you have ranked for accidentally.

Then you can go back and refresh content with a relevant section on the search query. By optimizing old blog posts, HubSpot increased organic search views by 106% on average. Which shows just how fruitful historical optimization can be.

Essentially, you should use the tools and data at your disposal for research and analysis. It removes guesswork when it comes to choosing long-tail keywords that are going to perform well for your site.

Summing Up

Long-tail keywords have a serious advantage over short-tail keywords. There’s a higher search demand for them, they’re easier to rank for and they generate qualified traffic that lead to more customers.

Once clients start seeing their traffic increasing, they’ll too understand the value of optimizing for the long-tail.

To find long-tail queries, you first need to look at genuine questions that your audience are asking. If you can create pages that answer user questions and satisfy their needs, you’ll get a gold star from Google.

You can also go straight to the search engine itself to find related terms suggested by Google. These make excellent synonyms to sprinkle throughout your content, which will ultimately lead to higher rankings.

And finally, there are the tried and tested tools, Keyword Planner and Analytics. They will help you take a data-driven approach to keyword research.

Now it’s over to you to start targeting long-tail keywords. The first step is to head over to Google, type in your main keyword and see what insight the PAA box holds for you.

The post Long-Tail Keywords – 3 Key Ways to Find Super-Focused Keywords appeared first on BrightLocal.

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source http://www.scpie.org/long-tail-keywords-3-key-ways-to-find-super-focused-keywords/ source https://scpie.tumblr.com/post/627687918548418560

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scpie · 4 years ago