#and idk how well my family would understand. especially my parents. without scolding me for like. loathing school and shit

[gemharvest]

Anyways also feeling kinda down that I haven't worked on owed in a bit & that today I was supposed to start back up but kinda. Didn't get anything done.

Just kinda really feeling drained lately and idk how much of this is because I just got done with being sick/ being on my period back-to-back and whatnot and I really want to be creative but then when I try everything Just Sucks. I'm very thankful I didn't have to go in this past Wednesday, and that I do not work again until next Wednesday as long as I am not called off then too (or as long as the other kennel person doesn't need covered ig), because maybe it'll give me the time to get my energy back without having to worry about doing shit.

[forever-once-gone]

OMG, how I'm missed this series. I hate when life makes me too busy to spend time with dear Maggy's writing, cause MY GOD do I love it!! This chapter was nothing less than magnificent, and I can truly feel the fear and nausea that Y/n was feeling throughout this chapter.

Poor Y/n, truly. The way that she is just constantly on the verge of a panic attack throughout the chapter is just so heart wrenching. Oh, how I wish I could help her escape from there. Hearing how often she felt her heat beating out of her chest made me just feel so awful. Poor woman, truly. And then hearing her thoughts about her parents? Dude, I was so close to crying along with her. The way that Namjoon was almost scolding her for not visiting her parents in a while, despite the fact that the only reason she hadn't was because of her STALKERS—oh my apologies, her soulmates (I wish you could see how I'm rolling my eyes—made me so incredibly angry on her behalf. Like, how DARE you. Like how blind can he be to how THEY'RE the ones that made her distance herself from her family. They're so deluded, I swear. And the way that he was all of a sudden so concerned about her info being easily accessible to anyone in the library, when he is the one that invaded her privacy, is just unbelievable.

Taehyung and Jimin are genuinely terrifying, like the way that those two are the ones that seem to see through her the most. The way they both seem to have such a short fuse (more so Tae, but you know). The way that they seemed to already be conspiring together, idk man, it's just creepy. It's also so interesting how Taehyung so casually seems to threaten her, like it was an indirect threat, but the point was clear, "do something I don't like and they'll be consequences" when talking about making sure she didn't do "something silly." Paired with his previous gory "gifts", yeah, not a fun time at all. I am so glad though, that Yoongi and Tae had found out that they shared her as their soulmate, because I shudder to think of what Taehyung would have been like without Yoongi reeling him back in. Probably like Jimin, but like ten times less sexual and a million times more violent.

I'm honestly somewhat surprised they all left her alone when she "slept" through the day. I get that they probably didn't want to make her more scared, but I'm honestly surprised nobody just watched her sleep or anything lol. Like the way that Tae was so willing to kiss her head, even though she was obviously terrified, I'm surprised he (or Jimin, or even Hoseok) wasn't just pulling up a chair to then watch her sleep. Especially considering Jimin was waiting for her to try and escape when everyone was asleep (though she was unsuccessful, at least she got some good soup out of the ordeal lol, thanks to Jin helping Namjoon from burning down the cabin).

You know, I get how she feels about Jungkook at the moment. I understand how she feels a bit safer with him, but also feels much more betrayed by him. It's a tough spot to be in with him, considering she thought of him as a friend. And it definitely seems that he realizes how much he's ruined his relationship with her, since he was so apologetic and stuttering over her words. I look forward to see how their relationship will go forward from here, I imagine she's not gonna let him get away with this with a simple "sorry" and "just give us a chance, we love you."

I genuinely loved this chapter, I could feel Y/n's every emotion, and I honestly just wish I could help her escape. I wish I could tell her parents, too. Maybe they'd be able to do something about this, but considering that she was already a bit distance cause of them, I doubt they'd notice that she's missing for a bit. Right now, her friends are her only chance to be saved, if they noticed her missing fast enough.

This chapter was amazing!! I hope you've been well!! Hopefully I'm able to catch up to where you've left off soon, 'cause I feel so behind 🥲 Take care!! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

lovesick (VIII)

— pairing: yandere ot7 x (f) reader — word count: 10.7k — warnings: yandere, stalking, obsessive behaviour, kidnapping, mention of drugging, dissociation — summary: You dreamed of the day you would get your very own soulmark. Though, you didn’t expect to wake up to a searing hurt in your arm, the phantom pain of your shoulder being dislocated and your forearm fractured. As if dealing with the worst possible soulmark ever wasn’t bad enough, you also have to come to terms with the fact that you’re being stalked. When the letters and gifts you receive begin to escalate and the police offers no help, you have no other option than to figure out who’s behind it yourself – and hopefully before it’s too late. — amazing cover by @leithold​!

Previous - Next

You wake up to a dull headache pulsing at the back of your skull. Groaning, you push yourself up on one elbow, the world around you spinning as you force your lashes to part. You peer over at your bedside table through bleary eyes, squinting as you try to make out the blurry shapes on top of it. The books you bought months ago and never read are still there, but there’s something sitting slumped over next to them, something you swear wasn’t there yesterday.

Keep reading

[jisungsmochi]

something new - pjs

strangers to classmates to friends to lovers - yeah it’s gonna be a doozy 

dancer jisung and lowkey trouble maker reader hehe 

i’m inlove with park jisung and i truly hope this can give y’all some jisung feels! btw i love this gif sm idk why >.< 

word count: 6.7k - as usual sorry for any mistakes !!

---------

she was always used to the same old things. the same old people at the same old prestigious art school. nothing exciting ever happened. until she met park jisung, the new student who taught her that it was okay to love.

—

“y/n, my office, now” the stern voice of the principal echoed through the halls. students’ eyes diverted to you, watching carefully as you practically trotted your way into the office, without a care in the world.

“do you understand how much trouble you are in right now?” the man furiously runs his hands through his hair. you sat quietly, fiddling with your keychain on your backpack.

“look sir, she had it coming! she spread rumours about me!” you groaned, trying your best to reason.

“i understand that, but you cannot take out your anger on her like that! i mean, setting up a whipped cream and glitter bomb in her locker? what even is that?” he sighed, finally taking a seat. you just kept playing with your keychain, listening to the words go through one ear and out the other.

“i’m sorry okay? how much will the damage be? i’ll have a cheque by the end of the week” you internally rolled your eyes, not feeling much remorse for your actions.

“no, we don’t want your family’s money. you have to be taught a lesson. you will clean the mess you made. and you will continue to clean the dance studio from top to bottom each day after school” the principal folded his arms, finally finding his composure.

“you’re kidding? do you know how scuffed the floors get? how dirty the mirrors are?” you stood up in protest.

“well i’m sorry but we can’t let you bribe your way out of this one. you crossed a line when you put others at risk. your punishment begins today.” he wasn’t budging anytime soon. you decided to just back down and do as you were told.  

if your parents found out about your little predicament, you’d have your allowance taken away for at least a month.

you began scrubbing the front of the locker, loudly sighing during the process. you were now on the ground, scrubbing away when a pair of scuffed leather shoes met your eyes. you looked up at the boy who owned the shoes, he had his hands in the pockets of his blazer and a confused look on his face. you quickly stood up, flattening your uniform.

“hey, i’m wondering if you can help me out” he spoke first, staring right into your eyes.

“let me guess? you’re new?” you smirked, leaning against the, now clean, locker.

“yeah, how did you know?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“well first of all, you have all your buttons up on your shirt and you didn’t cuff your pants. not to mention, you’re using the backpack with the school logo, you’re kind of easy to point out” you smiled softly as he nervously coughed.

“o-oh, is it bad to be new? i’m on a scholarship, will the others think less of me?” he began mumbling to himself which made you amused.

“not really, as long as you have talent, no one really cares. what did you get in for?” you didn’t know why you were being so social, especially to someone you’ve never met.

“dance, how about you?” he questioned back.

“same here, i’ll see you around a lot um...” you bit your lip, realising you didn’t ask for his name,

“jisung” he responded immediately,

“ah yes jisung, i’m-“

“y/n! have you finished cleaning?” the voice of the grumpy old man approached you. you rolled your eyes to jisung, causing him to smile, which you found adorable. your principal finally stood between you both,

“stop terrorising our new students thank you! get back to class! mr park, please follow me” your principal stated, walking towards his office.

“see you later, jisung!” you waved softly, his hand reached for the side of your face, causing you to immediately freeze.

“sorry, you had a little cream there” he smirked before wiping it off, and turning to follow your principal.

that was the day you met park jisung.

//

it was the end of the day, and you were wiping down the last specs of dust left on the mirror. you let out a loud groan before throwing the cloth back into the bucket.

“bad day?” you heard a familiar voice followed by a chuckle.

“you could say that” you turned to jisung, watching as he entered the studio.

“why exactly are you cleaning the studio, well after school has ended?” jisung walked closer to you.

“let’s just say, my whipped cream and glitter prank from this morning didn’t sit well with the principal so i’m on cleaning duty until further notice” you shrug, removing your gloves and placing them into the bin. “what are you doing here anyway?” you decided to question back.

“i live on campus, i wanted to scope out the studio since i didn’t have a dance class today” he responded, looking around the room in awe.

“fair enough. i’ll give you a mini tour! here we have a random piano, i’m really not sure why but it fit into the budget” you explained as jisung followed your every move.

“this is the sound system, it’s not too advanced compared to the one in the school auditorium, it’s easy enough to use for solo practices and such” you blabbed on, jisung listening to each word coming out of your mouth carefully. he nodded along, feeling a sense of belonging in the studio. if you weren’t there, he most likely would have just started dancing on his own. but he was still shy around you, and with most people.

“there isn’t much to it, but you’ll enjoy your classes here!” you smiled at him, while leaning against the piano.

“thanks for the recap, i can’t wait to start dancing. i’ve been doing it since i could remember. it’s always been a part of my life” jisung started rambling.

“i totally get it, i’m glad you got into this school. we need more kids with drive and passion. rather than the ones with daddy’s money” you throw shade as jisung just laughs along.

“i’m not so blessed in that department. my family are miles away, hence why i board at the school. i’m sorry, i’m oversharing” he mutters to himself, loud enough for you to hear.

“oh well, i think it’s cool that you can live alone. i mean, aside from having a roommate, you won’t be nagged to do chores and such” you tried to lighten up the mood as jisung shot you a small smile that you couldn’t resist.

“thanks, i appreciate the advice! it seems like you’re done and dusted here, i’ll be heading back to my dorm. have a nice night, y/n” and just like that, he made his way out of the studio, leaving you alone. part of you had wished he stayed and talked to you more, but it was only his first day, you didn’t expect much. after locking the door to the studio, you returned the keys to the front office and made your way home.

you immediately crashed onto your bed, proceeding to take a long nap to distract you from today’s punishments. ‘tomorrow will be a new day’, you mumbled to yourself before you drifted to sleep.

//

“y/n! you are going to be late to school!” your brother, johnny barged into your room. he was shirtless and holding a bowl of cereal in his hands.

“shit shit shit” you mentally scolded, launching yourself out of bed.

“don’t you have work? oh wait i forgot, you leech off our parents!” you groaned at the older boy, rushing to get ready.

“jeez, you’re little miss sunshine this morning. you already missed first period, i’ll drive you in time for recess. you know, you’re lucky to have me” johnny smirked before leaving your room and heading downstairs. you roll your eyes while furiously brushing your teeth. it wasn’t unusual for you to be late, but you never skipped first period. your code of conduct was to skip classes during the day, not before it has even started.

you creased down your uniform before meeting johnny in his convertible.

“finally! i have places to be!” he teased, before ruffling your hair.

“you ruined it!” you sighed before attempting to fix what you could.

“my bad, princess” johnny laughed before starting the car and rushing you to school.

he did stick by his word; you had just arrived before the bell went for recess. fingers crossed that you didn’t bump into your first period teacher.

you were quickly pacing to your locker, when someone smashed into you, knocking you both down.

“oh y/n! i’m so sorry!” you heard his voice again. you looked up at the boy, watching as he leant you his hand.

“where were you rushing off to?” you decided to tease, looking up at him.

“i need to hand in this form. i’m going to sign up for the showcase!” he excitedly beamed.

“ambitious, aren’t we?” you smiled as he returned the action. you both starting walking with each other, towards your locker.

“you didn’t come to dance class first period was everything okay?” he politely asked. in which you admired his gentle personality.

“i just slept in, all that cleaning yesterday has really got me exhausted” you joked, stopping at your locker.

“i can help you!” he blurted, causing you to give him a confused look,

“don’t be silly! i’m okay” you replied, kind of flattered by his offer.

“no! i’m cool with it, we can finish cleaning in half the amount of time, and uh maybe we can just go over our routines for the showcase” he mumbled the second half, which made you smile.

“hmmm you’re not trying to sabotage me? are you?” you smirked, while opening your locker.

“no no! i would never! i just haven’t seen you dance, that’s all” his face started to flush pink.

“i’m kidding, jisung! of course we can do that. i’ll pay for lunch! today is sushi day” before he could even respond, you practically dragged the boy towards the cafeteria.

sitting with jisung, felt like sitting with a friend you had known for a long time, despite only meeting the day prior.

he was so well spoken, shy at times but otherwise a good conversationalist. you watched him scan his eyes around the cafeteria, consuming the last of his sushi.

“thank you for paying! i’ll pay you back when my mum sends me my allowance!” he offered. you shook your head in refusal,

“save your money! this is my treat” you smiled at him, finishing off your last piece.

“thank you again. this school is so much different from my old one. we never had sushi, or a cafeteria this big! it’s like a whole other world” jisung spoke with such awe and admiration.

“really? what did they have at your old school?” you were curious,

“i mean we usually bought our own food from home because well, everything there was just foul” he chuckled as you smiled at him.

people started to notice that you had been hanging around the new kid a lot, it resulted in confused stares and awkward glances. you didn’t have the best reputation. you were a complete menace, but you did play tricks here and there. many just assumed that your parents bought your way into the school and that you didn’t have any talent.

you let people think what they wanted; it was easier than trying to constantly prove yourself to those who believe you aren’t enough.

as you were walking out of your english class, you heard some girls whispering behind the door.

“jisung, we know you’re new here but she’s bad news. she gets away with really dangerous things! “one girl harshly exclaimed, you stood frozen, waiting for his response.

“like what?”

“she smokes and drinks whenever she has the chance to. she always plays dangerous pranks on others! and she always uses her money to get out of things” another girl continued. you couldn’t handle listening anymore. to make it clear you heard everything, you slammed your books to the ground, causing the group of girls and jisung to look down at you. you grabbed everything in your arms and just smiled, with a hint of bitterness behind it. jisung was conflicted on what to do, he didn’t follow behind you, but he also didn’t stay with the girls. he thought it was best he didn’t get involved with drama, so he made his way to the dance studio.

school had just finished, meaning you were ready to begin day two of cleaning duty. you picked up the supplies from the custodian, dragging everything to the studio. you groaned as some of the cleaning solution leaked when you made it to the door. as you bent down to clean the mess, you heard music playing from the studio. you weren’t aware that anyone else, but you had access, so out of curiosity you peeped through a small crack of the door. it was jisung.

he was practicing some moves. you stared in awe. he was so clean, so technical. he wasn’t like any of the other male dancers at your school, that’s for sure. you almost forgot that you had to be cleaning. it didn’t take long for jisung to stop dancing. he huffed in frustration, cradling himself in a ball in the middle of the studio. you decided to knock softly before entering,

“um jisung?” the boy looked up at you, his eyes brimming with tears.

you pulled the cart of equipment into the studio, setting them aside, before walking towards the upset boy.

“a-are you okay?” you kneeled down to face him.

he sniffled and nodded.

“yeah just, missing home, i guess. my moves aren’t as sharp as i want them to be” he sighed, causing you to shake your head.

“what are you talking about? you’re such a good dancer! well from what i saw” his eyes widened, mouth agape.

“y-you saw me?”

“yeah, you’re amazing” you complimented as he blushed, trying to hide it behind his hands

“and for the whole homesick thing, it must be hard not seeing your family. i can kind of relate, i only really talk to my brother at home. but he’s trying to find a job and stuff so it’s always quiet” you confide in him, sitting so your legs were crossed. he did the same.

“don’t get me wrong! i like my roommate, he’s really cool. i just want to talk to my mum” jisung mumbles, making your heart ache.

you gave him a small pat on the shoulder, not sure of how to comfort him.

“i’m sorry i’m over sharing again! you’re here to clean! i’ll help you, as i promised” jisung immediately stood up, holding out a hand for you to take. you took it instantly, letting him pull you up, but you ended up tripping over your foot. you were now face to face with jisung as he held you. you hadn’t noticed how gorgeous his eyes were, since strands of his hair covered them most of the time. you eventually pulled away, awkwardly making your way to the equipment.

jisung followed behind you as you both started cleaning. his phone was still connected to the speakers, so as you cleaned, you also jammed to his music.

it definitely made time go by faster with jisung’s company. he was always cracking lame jokes, trying to get you to smile. you noticed how his gaze would always linger on you after telling a joke to see your precise reaction. it made him smile whenever you laughed.

“well i think we are just about done here!” you cheered, throwing a dirty towel into the bucket.

you walked over to jisung who had finished before you, now playing on his phone.

“finally, i didn’t think you were going to finish without my help” he teased, smiling up at you. you rolled your eyes, looking back at him.

“hey, you have a lil something here” you mutter, swiping your finger over the side of his mouth, removing the small specs of dirt.

“o-oh t-thanks” jisung blushed again, shocked by your actions. you just nodded in response.

“can i ask you something?” he continued,

“of course,”

“is what those girls said, true?” he didn’t break eye contact with you. you were hoping you wouldn’t need to even have this conversation with him. especially since you barely knew him.

“some of it. i used to smoke and drink, but i’ve stopped now. it affected my motivation to continue dancing. and yes, whenever i got into trouble, my parents tried to pay my way out of it” you admitted to him. it was better he knew now. there goes your only friend at the school.

“oh” was all he could say. jisung wasn’t sure what he felt. part of him never saw you as that type of girl, you were too different to him, too out of reach.

you nervously played with your fingers, which was a major habit of yours. jisung senses your uncomfortable nature. he stood up from where he was sitting, looking down at you.

“thanks for being honest with me. if you were worried about me not wanting to be friends with you, you can forget it. i’m not the type to drop someone because of other people’s perceptions. besides, you’re my only friend here so far, i kind of need you” jisung chuckled at the last part, making you instantly smile. he had such a way with words that made you feel like he could do no wrong. the guilty feeling in your stomach started forming.

you didn’t want jisung to get involved with your reputation, he didn’t need to be a target for other people’s comments. he was capable of making his own friends and being great at this school.

but he was so persistent about being your friend.

in the days following, jisung waited for you every day at this bench near the front of the school. he walked you to all your first period classes, always ate lunch with you. you were flattered by his generous gestures, but you were still worried about what others thought.

one day, you were home alone, as usual. your parents having to attend with multiple work trips, your brother trying to sustain a stable job. it left you alone.

there was only one person you wanted to talk to, that would keep you company. but he was all the way back at school in his dorm.

“ahh y/n, how lovely of you to call! not like i’ve sent you a thousand messages” jisung’s face filled your phone screen.

“you’re just obsessed with me, admit it” you smirk as jisung rolls his eyes.

“you wish” he strikes back.

“anyways, i’m bored, wanna do something?” you asked, waiting for him to brainstorm an idea.

“oh, i’m practising my piece for the showcase today, you think you can get me into the studio?” he suddenly realised, you nodded enthusiastically.

“you underestimate me sometimes, my dear. i can get you in and out without a single soul seeing you” you teased as jisung laughs hysterically.

“okay okay, meet me there in 15!” he hangs up the call, leaving you a smiley mess, making your way to school.

you met jisung at his dorm room, he was dressed in casual attire. a blue flannel over his white t shirt, matched with grey sweatpants and black shoes. you walked towards the dance studio in school. although it was meant to be closed, you were able to convince the custodian to let you in out of school hours. you owed him a free meal for him and his wife at some fancy restaurant later, but it was worth it.

jisung hooked up his phone to the speakers, before he began stretching. you were so excited to see him in his element again.

“can i film you, sungie? i think it’s a good memory for our ever-lasting friendship” you smirked, placing your phone top of random objects to film him. he shook his head in amusement,

“go ahead”

you smiled widely at him, seating yourself to the side, observing his movements. he was mesmerising. the way he moved, the way his body adapted so well to the music, you were impressed. jisung noticed your various expressions, stopping his routine.

“why’d you stop?” you poured, walking up to him.

“you’re staring! it’s making me shy!” he chuckled, softly budging your shoulder.

“dance with me” he insisted. you shook your head,

“no, we came for you to practice!” you tried to walk back to your seat when jisung gripped your wrist, pulling you into him.

“come on, for me?” it was his turn to pout. you couldn’t resist how adorable he was. you just nodded in response, pulling away from him to play the song you were planning to do for the showcase.

jisung stood beside you, staring at the mirror, watching you take your position. it had been a while since you had danced properly in front of anyone. you tried your best to participate in class, but it was rare that everyone was focused on one individual person. you felt nervous infront of jisung, and it wasn’t only because of your dancing.

you started your choreography, you admitted you were sloppy at the start, still having unsettled nerves. but as the song progressed, you felt your body finally let itself go. you were able to put on a show for jisung, he was amazed at your skill.

“y/n, that was really cool! i loved when you did this move” he tried to replicate it and ended up tripping, pushing himself into you. you laughed at the clumsy boy, pulling him to stand straight.

“thanks! i really appreciate it”

jisung fiddled with the sleeves of his flannel, looking to you and back down. you furrowed your brows, unsure if he wanted to say something.

“i have an idea. you really don’t have to even consider this, but how about we enter the showcase, as a duo?” jisung muttered softly, unsure of your reaction. you felt a warm feeling take over your body. dancing with jisung seems like just the thing to help your friendship strengthen.

you placed a hand on his shoulder,

“sure, partner. where do we start?” you smiled as he looked at you with his mouth agape, shocked you agreed.

the rest of the afternoon was spent, deciding the song and beginning the first few seconds of choreography.

it was fair to say, you were both confident about this showcase.

it had been a few weeks since that practice with jisung. you met up twice a week to practice since the showcase wasn’t until the end of the semester. your cleaning duties had been fulfilled,

“at last, miss y/n, you are free of your duties” your principal gives you a small smile, finally feeling you had learned your lesson,

“it’s a pleasure to be of service” you saluted, causing him to let out a small laugh.

“maybe that jisung kid has something to do with it” he joked, causing you to freeze inside. just hearing his name made you nervous.

you weren’t so clear how you felt about jisung. he was always there when you needed him to be, but does that really equate to you having a crush on him?

from then on, you began thinking about what it’d be like to be in a relationship with jisung. you found yourself dozing off in the library, thoughts of how jisung would hold you in his long arms and kiss the top of your forehead an-

“psstttt”

your thoughts were interrupted by jisung’s efforts to snap you out of your trance.

he started clicking in front of your face and poking your cheeks. you finally looked at him, giving him a slight scowl.

“jeez, have you been getting enough sleep? you aren’t usually this irritable” he smirked, watching as you brought your focus back to your english homework.

“i’m fine, just a little tired from practice lately” you have him a soft smile, watching as he nodded in agreement.

“ah i’m sorry if i’ve been pushing you, i want everything to be perfect” he sighed, feeling guilty.

“it’s okay! really! i’ll be all good for the showcase, only three more weeks to go”

it was now two weeks until the showcase and jisung had been insisting you practiced at least four times a week. you did feel overwhelmed at some points in time, but you didn’t want to let him down. meanwhile, you were still deciphering your feelings towards him. usually if you liked a boy, it would be clear to you. black and white. you were either interested or not interested. but park jisung was that bit of grey you couldn’t quite figure out.

during practices, he would always move a piece of hair from your face when he was trying to correct your moves. he would hold your waist multiple times in the dance, as well as pull your faces close together. your choreography didn’t seem this intense when you first started, but now with the baggage of possible romantic feelings being involved, had you panicking.

why wouldn’t you like jisung? he was sweet, kind and caring. he was the good boy, the safe option. he could do no wrong in your eyes, he would never be the one to hurt you. but why couldn’t you just go for it?

you were sitting in the library once again, writing up your english paper. your mind floating off to thoughts of jisung. how he would hold your hand. how he would walk next to you and pull you into his side. how he would kiss you...

you shook your head to stop the thoughts from continuing. you eventually opted into writing down your feelings. maybe if you wrote them down, you wouldn’t think about it as much. your logic clearly had flaws, but you were desperate to let them out one way or another.

dear jisung,

you will literally never see this. and if you do i would probably die of embarrassment. you’re meant to be my best friend. my dance partners. the peanut butter to my apple slices (just an us thing). but why can’t i get you off my mind? you’re always there. your unforgettable smile and laughter, which always make my days less crappy. your sweet gestures such as holding my books, walking me to class, eating dessert with me even though we literally just finished a whole ass meal.

if you ever gave me a chance to express how i felt, i don’t know if i would take it. i’m too scared. you’re too good for me. you’re the good boy with a gift for dancing. i don’t want to drag you down or be the reason people talk about you behind your back. you are special to me; you always will be. i want to be with you, more than anyone i’ve ever liked. but, i can’t let go of you being my friend. i can’t bear the thought of losing you or pushing you away. i’m so troubled jisung, i hope you understand me. what does it matter?

you groan in frustration. you couldn’t even finish a stupid letter about your own feelings. You scrunched up the piece of paper, noticing someone standing over you.

“there you are! i’ve been looking for you, a-are you okay?” jisung’s voice became immediately concerned. you just grabbed your stuff hurriedly, before mumbling that you needed to go home. jisung didn’t chase after you, unsure of what to say. he looked down on the ground, picking up the ball of paper you had scrunched. he shrugged before opening the letter, letting his eyes scan over every word.

you were sitting on the bench of an empty park, swinging your legs slowly. you enjoyed the silence. no one was there to bother you. or tell you what to do or how to feel. you felt at ease.

“y/n” jisung’s muffled voice interrupted your silence. you turned back slowly, watching as jisung’s figure came into vision. he had a crumpled piece of paper tightly gripped in his hand.

“jisung, t-that’s not what it looks like. i didn’t even know what i was writing honestly- “

“do you like me?” jisung interrupted you, his voice sent a shiver down your spine.

“i-i don’t know” you mumbled. jisung sighed, walking over to you. he stood directly in front of you, making it harder for you to try and lie.

“i’ll ask you again, do you like me?” he spoke softly, making you feel guilty.

you responded by slowly nodding, feeling tears brim your eyes. jisung looked at you in pity. he didn’t understand why it was so hard for you to admit it.

“then why did you say that you can’t be with me?” his face looked swollen, as if he had shed a few tears of his own. he took your hand in his, shoving away the letter.

“because it’s going to get complicated. i don’t want that for you” you muster up the courage to speak.

“would you change your mind if i said i want to be with you?” his hands were warm against yours. his entire presence was warm.

“i’m not sure”

“that’s all you can say? y/n, it’s not rocket science, you either like me or you don’t” he was getting quite irritated but tried his best not to show it.

“i do, jisung. i like you a lot, but i can’t let feelings get involved in our friendship. i love having you as my friend. we work so well together, anything more could potentially ruin us” you sobbed, jisung’s eyes filled with hurt. he couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth.

“i didn’t think you could be this selfish. you are just afraid to get hurt. so am i. you don’t think that i haven’t thought of you that way? i want to be with you. i want to hold you when you’re upset like this. i want to kiss you and take you out on dates. why won’t you let me do that?” jisung’s voice cracked in between. you heart stung with pain.

“i’m not good enough, jisung. i can’t be what you want” you sighed, watching as tears started brimming his eyes. you hurt him. you hurt him like no one had ever before.

“you know what, fine. you wanna be selfish then i’ll be too. i’m not performing with you anymore. since you can’t be with me, consider this friendship. over.” he sternly announced to you, unsure of what else to say. before you could get a word in, he stormed off, not before throwing your crumpled letter into the bin.

you lost your best friend that day.

in the days leading up to the showcase, you and jisung had yet to have spoken. you watched as he constantly had new people to talk to in the halls now. he would sit with a new group almost every day. he was so likeable, so carefree. this only confirmed your assumption that you were holding him back.

since losing jisung, you had slipped into old habits. casual drinking with some of your friends in college didn’t hurt.

of course, until you wake up with a massive headache and your older brother yelling at how stupid you are.

“put a sock in it, johnny” you groan, not wanting him to lecture you anymore.

“what is your problem? you promised you would stop drinking and look where you are now” he continued yelling, causing you to roll your eyes.

“it’s not as bad as before” you tried to argue.

“even if that’s the case, you shouldn’t have started anyway” he pulled at his hair before slamming your bedroom door shut as he left. you rolled yourself to your side and started sobbing. you missed jisung. more than he would ever know.

two days before the big showcase, you had been drinking once again. you weren’t completely off your head drunk, but tipsy enough that people could notice you had something to drink. you were currently sitting at the park bench, no one else in sight, sipping your sadness away.

you barely remembered pulling out your phone, clicking on jisung’s contact.

it rang three times before he picked up,

“what do you want?” his voice was filled with distaste.

“jisungie, i miss youuuuu” your words slurred, causing jisung to become concerned.

“y/n? are you drunk?”

“maybe a little bit” you started giggling uncontrollably.

“where are you? are you at home?” he was already in his pajamas but got ready to head out.

“no i’m at the park, there’s little birdies, jisung! ooo that one looks like you” you chuckled,

“stay there, i’m coming to get you” he hung up and rushed out of his from, trying not to wake up his roommate.

you were almost half asleep, when jisung arrived. he ran to you, your tipsy state becoming clearer to him. it was freezing out, and you didn’t have a jacket on.

“oh y/n” he sighed, pulling you up with him and leading you to his car.

“oh jisungie, i missed you so much” you started pulling at his cheeks.

he seated you in the passenger side, strapping you in safely before making his way to the driver’s side. he turned on the heater in the car, removing the jacket he was wearing to wrap around you.

“thank you, this is so warm, like your hugs” you smiled, leaning your head against the window.

“what were you doing outside, all alone?” jisung knew you weren’t in the right mind to have a deep conversation, but he hoped he would be able to get some answers.

“i don’t know. i was just drinking and i walked here. this is where you told me you didn’t want to be my friend” you whispered the last part, causing jisung to look right at you. he felt a pang of guilt build inside of him.

“this isn’t who you are. you’re better than this. we can sit here for a while until you feel better, then i’ll take you home” jisung assures you, waiting for you to respond. you nodded slowly, changing the topic to random things such as how milk shouldn’t go before cereal. jisung didn’t want to overwhelm you that day. but he knew he needed proper answers soon.

“okay everybody! show starts in exactly thirty minutes!” the showcase coordinator shouted backstage. jisung was going over the final details of his routine. as much as he wished you were up on stage with him, he couldn’t let that distract from his performance. you were pacing outside of the auditorium, as jisung had come out for fresh air before the show. you didn’t notice him, but he definitely saw you. he turned on his heels instantly, grabbing your attention. you ran up to him, reaching for his shoulder.

“jisung” you whimpered, he turned around, a stoic expression on his face. this was the first time you two had properly been able to speak with each other, minus a tipsy you.

“good luck” was all you could muster up to say to him.

“thanks, is that all?” he retorted, with slight bitterness in his voice.

“and i’m sorry” jisung’s expression softened. he couldn’t hold a grudge for long, it was one of his weaknesses. he just nodded, giving your shoulder a small squeeze.

“we can talk after the show, you gonna watch?” he nervously suggested, watching as your eyes lit up.

“of course! i wouldn’t have missed it” you smiled softly at him; he returned the look before heading backstage to prepare.

you took a seat in the audience, waiting for jisung’s name to be called. you weren’t sure what type of routine he would be going for, but you were still excited nonetheless, the whole school will finally get to witness his talent.

jisung waddled on stage, creating a very refreshing atmosphere compared to the other acts. he put himself in position, waiting for the music to start. your heart was beating so fast, seeing jisung in his element had you in awe. he started moving, each bone in his body stringing along to the melody of the song. it took you a while to realise that he was performing the duet you were meant to do with him. instead he put an alternative twist. he told a story, of a lone dancer, pining for the presence of someone. it really captivated the audience; your eyes were glued on him. he executed the performance with such ease, much better than you ever could. but that was park jisung, he was always going to be better than what you deserved.

as jisung made his way backstage, many students congratulated him on how well he had danced. he was visibly shaken at the amount of attention he was receiving, he just thanked everyone quickly before rushing outside to see if you were there. to his surprise, you were leaning against the locker you both met at, many weeks ago. jisung smirked, walking over to you and pulling you into a hug. while you and jisung were friends, you both weren’t too fond of physical affection outside of the dance studio. so, when he pulled you into him, your heart stopped. your hands didn’t know where to go, you just froze. eventually you caved in, not being able to bear leaving the boy hanging. since he was taller, you saw the way his legs bent just to embrace you, making you start to giggle.

“what’s so funny huh?” he rolled his eyes,

“our height difference, it’s cute” you both pulled back, not letting go of each other’s hands.

“you did our dance” you started, watching as jisung turned his gaze to his shoes.

“yeah i did. i couldn’t just come up with new choreo like that” he clicked his fingers, before placing his hand back in yours.

“jisung i truly don’t deserve you” you sigh. jisung places his large hand on the side of your face, softly caressing your cheek. he stepped closer to you, so that there was barely any space between you.

“stop saying that, we know it’s not true”

“i don’t want to hurt you” you mumble, looking up at the tall boy. jisung continued to caress your cheek, softly smiling before leaning his face close to yours.

“i can assure you, you won’t hurt me” his voice vibrates through you. his reassurance, calming your nerves. you nodded slowly, unsure of how to continue.

“can i do something?” you whisper, causing his lips to curve into a smile.

“anything”

you moved his other hand to cup both of your cheeks and pushed your lips against his. jisung’s eyes widened, realising what you had done, before softly running one hand to the small of your back. he continued what you had started, moving his lips generously with yours. you both didn’t instead to stop anytime soon, until you heard the familiar cranky voice of your principal,

“y/n! jisung! we are still on school grounds! take it somewhere else!” he shook his head in disappointment, resulting in you and jisung to burst into laughter.

“let’s go celebrate!” you turned to jisung, placing another kiss to his soft lips before intertwining you’re hand with his.

“wait so you’re my girlfriend now?” jisung stopped you as you both were about to leave the gates.

“jisung! i wouldn’t have semi-made out with you at school, infront of our principal, if i didn’t want to be your girlfriend” you teased, as the taller boy blushed.

“yeah, you’re right, let’s go eat some phat burgers!” he cheered as you both entered his car.

jisung taught you it was okay to let go once in a while. it was okay to be silly and not take the whole world seriously. he taught you that it was okay to love. you can never forget him,

park jisung, your first love.

[lumilasi]

Hey battle of bands au anon here! Thank you sooo much for the advice , I've decided to choose all might because I dont want my fic to be too angsty or plot heavy. I also realised afo can be a very complex character to write and I dont think I can pull that off in my first fic. Also I love the approach you're taking on AFO in stringmaster , it is currently one of my favs!

I haven't read all your fics (yet) but as far as I have read I dont think endeavor has had a major role in any of your fics but if you have any advice on his characterisation then I'd love that. I want this fic to be more fluffy with just a little angst so I dont want to make endeavor as horrible as canon. He's still obsessed with his children (shoto and dabi) being number 1 but I guess not as horrible to his family. Basically I'm stuck at a scene where endeavor has to react to dabi being ranked 2nd in a pleasantly surprising way but not completely out of character. Idk if that made any sense or not I feel like I'm having trouble putting things into words.

Anyways thanks for the advice and if you have any regarding this scene pls help a girl out lol

Ha ha, glad to hear it helped out! And yeah, he can be, hell I’d say Tomura can also be very tricky to write given his complexity. But def. AFO is up there as well.

Stringmaster AFO is fun (and challenging) to write, because it’s this...weird contradiction, where he does understand emotions and how humans work in theory, but lacks the ability to sort instinctively realize these things himself. Basically meaning he both gets and doesn’t get it.

Almost everything needs to be conscious choices to him for the most part, rather than just knowing how to react in situations where empathy is needed. 

But enough about that! 

Yeah, I don’t use Endeavor a whole lot in my fics other than being the bad father he is in canon, because...tbh I find his character pretty boring? Like his most interesting parts are basically plot device stuff to have an impact/act as motivation for more important/interesting characters. (I.E Dabi and Shoto) Without those he’s just...kinda generic prideful grumpy guy? He just doesn’t really stand out to me from any other hero outside the bad parenting. 

It probably bothers me more/is more noticeable than it would with other mangas I’ve read, because he gets contrasted against well-written and complex characters like many of the villains, or if I have to pick a hero example, Aizawa and Toshinori. 

 (To be fair, I have this issue with a lot of the hero side characters, they feel really underdeveloped/one-dimensional to me a lot of times. I get you can’t flesh out every single one of your hundreds of characters properly, but sometimes even more central focused hero characters feel underdeveloped to me, IDK) 

....I better cut this rant short and get back on topic about the actual question haha

I feel like I’d probably need more context of what is going on to give proper useful tips, but the first thing that comes to mind would probably be him doing kind of a backhanded compliment or so, where he expresses that Dabi did good job but also still make him feel like it’s not enough? IDK how to demonstrate that exactly tho. 

I think the best example I can offer is Stringmaster AFO, now that he was brought up? Like the birth of Mon-chan comic I made, (here in case you dunno what I’m talking about) where he compliments Tomura about his achievement, but then casually tells him he could scrap it and try again because it wasn’t perfect. In his mind he was stating a fact, but it comes off pretty cold, especially to a kid who’s looking for his approval. 

Something along those lines could work with Endeavor too, though obviously his delivery would have to be more exaggerated and aggressive, because he’s not suave/well-mannered (or lessay pretentious) like AFO lmao

Also I think to make it feel in character someone would probably have to point out to him that he needs to be more encouraging and supportive, because a prideful dude like him’s gonna struggle being able to figure it out himself. So it’d be like “good comment, bad comment, gets scolded and tags on another good comment clumsily” or something. 

IDK if any of that helps, but I tried at least. Either way I’m looking forward to reading your fic someday if you manage to write it. Who knows, maybe you’ll get some fanart for it too C; 

[aeroknot]

k so some ns headcanon as requested by @spaceygayroses​

i pulled them from my long-as-fuck (like 700 chapters long) google doc but almost every one of those is like..... paragraphs long!! so i chose shorter ones!!

.....surprising to absolutely no one, i have no self-control when it comes to these two

a ) When naruto met sakura

b ) A mere few, fast weeks into dating, they have a discussion in the early evening about telling friends and family, and they agree to do it the next day. After finally coming up for air during their celebratory makeout session, she tries to shove him out the door to get on with their evening plans, she having to go to work. Deep down she’s amused that as she keeps ending kisses and pulling away, he keeps dazedly following after her with his mouth, not even opening his eyes. She gets persuaded back into it a few times. when a neighbor’s door slams she’s knocked out of their reverie and tells him to stop being a giddy schmuck and go! and laughs as he exaggeratedly swoons down the hallway of her apartment complex (well, she thinks he’s purposefully exaggerating, but he’s not, he’s authentically that mushy / dramatic) At like 1am she wakes up to boisterous noise outside and goes to her balcony to find naruto and kiba and shikamaru, all pretty inebriated tho actually the latter two more so than the former (he’s just using inebriation as a cover), and naruto’s standing on the gate at the edge of the little apartment yards singing songs he’s making up as he goes about how happy he is, crowing about dating his precious sakura-chan. She leans over the edge of the balcony and starts shaking her fist at him and scolding them and he just does the will smith pose and motions to her and shouts at kiba and shikamaru “DO YOU SEE HER!! HAVE YOU EVER MET MY GIRLFRIEND!!!” and they are just guffawing. Sakura hisses “naruto!! My neighbors!!” and he slurs, “awwww fuck ‘em!! One of ‘em slamming their door’s why i’m down here instead of up there loving you! I saved their asses, so they can just deal with me appreciating yours!!” and she just goes “YOU ARE.. SUCH A DUMB. ASS.” “yeah, but i get to be YOUR dumbass!!” “......I’m coming down to get you before Kakashi sics ANBU on you” and they all fully expect he’s done for as they watch her march out the stairwell resolutely, her speed increasing, but then she smiles while she jumps the gate even tho it’s not that tall and hops onto him, her legs around his waist, his hands supporting her under her thighs, and they alternate between laughing giddily and kissing

c ) they get married a month or so after his inauguration, which means HE’S the hokage that legalizes the marriage papers with his signature. and i just like to think… perhaps naruto is still his usual emotional self during the ceremony and does cry in happiness a bit during their vows… but he gets super sappy / sobby when alone in his office and signing the marriage papers as hokage. that’s…. that’s embodying both of his oldest dreams IN ONE MOMENT.

d ) they adopt twice, their first and last kids (of five): first is Arashi, last is Namika -- both names that reference Minato. Arashi asked them to rename him; he was six-ish when they adopted him. Namika’s name referencing Minato actually happens to be coincidence. she’s Shinachiku’s classmate and her parents are killed shortly after they graduate the academy :’( they give her a place to stay and it turns into adoption.

Arashi was shy and quiet with most people. he makes Naruto think of both Minato and Sasuke. Arashi was intimidated by Sasuke at first, but they become real close. Kurama loves Arashi bc he’s clever as fuck and adores studying history. Arashi has insecure attachments and is distrustful/distant for a while but when he’s older becomes a natural leader of his peers (tho sometimes even then can still seem distant). he has a very strong sense of justice like his parents. 

Namika is the perfect blend of chill and motivated. she’s so chill she gets along with all of the siblings. in fact she’s the only one without problems with anybody: shinachiku and sakuya butt heads, and arashi and konohana go at it all the time. while those four are shoved into get-along shirts naruto and sakura cuddle namika really exaggeratedly and joke about the exhausting nature of her siblings

e ) the kiddos kiss kurama good morning (naruto’s tummy)

f ) predictably, he takes every chance he gets to kiss sakura’s forehead, particularly right on her seal (he likes to kid around about her seal and say “sakura-chan, geez, you went through all that trouble training just for this tiny little target for my kiss”). she’s a little bashful, or kinda harumphs when he does it in public or when she’s miffed at him. then their kids notice, first realized by one of the youngest ones, and start copying him, as kids do: learning by imitating their parents. from there on out she’s often in tears or very near tears when they do this.

g ) it’s affection like this that grips her heart with gratefulness to be with him. he is continuously providing all she needs for her insecurities to be soothed and her dreams to be encouraged. these expressions of love are so deeply tailored to how he can best adore all that makes her, her. she sometimes can't believe how every expression of his love is permeated with his intense understanding of who she is, what she wants, often in ways so breathtakingly simple, honest and ingenuous that she wonders if he even consciously realizes the perfect appropriateness of his gestures.

h ) They are constantly hiding ink & brushes & markers from their youngest children bc in addition to mimicking forehead kisses, they’re constantly drawing on each other’s faces to give each other mommy’s “sparkle beauty sticker” and daddy’s “fox-marks” … which…. Unfortunately sometimes they pronounce as “fucks-marks” and naruto kinda…. Shrugs and makes a face like he’s conceding they might have a point (as in marks that once “fucked over” village approval of him)…. sakura’s horrified But she still laughs really hard when he starts calling any scratches he receives from their lovemaking “fucks-marks”

i ) if anyone makes the mistake of saying something particularly negative or abhorrent about naruto in front of her, especially if they’re insulting his suitability as hokage, she’s so incensed she can’t guarantee they’re gonna live to regret it. ...ok, sooo… she can’t and doesn’t actually maim or kill a fellow konoha citizen or any stuck-up diplomats... but damn is the confrontation and reprimand so scary; it’s like she flays their soul so deeply they have no shreds with which to hide their worst sins, guaranteeing no god would ever allow them into any heaven.

j ) naruto has to excuse himself every time sakura takes her gloves off with her teeth

k ) she loves to wash and pamper him. she doesn’t have an explanation for it, really. it can be but doesn’t always become sexual, but of course it’s always intimate. it’s not like a critique on him, finding him too dirty or something (he’s dirty, but usually in the ways she likes), she just really enjoys this avenue for expressing her affection. she likes preparing relaxing baths for him, or shampooing and rinsing his hair. she likes running her hands along his muscles, rubbing oils and lotions into his skin. she even likes to give him gentle little facial treatments if he’s in the mood to let her. (spoiler alert: he’s practically always in the mood to let her.)

l )  this vision came to me on a drive home form work: sakura on her period and being pretty damn miserable as far as cramping went. And she like…  has her arm over her eyes as she’s laying on her back on the bed and bemoaning her situation; she laments that she left her heat pack somewhere or let someone borrow it or something. So naruto just… takes his shirt off and gingerly lays across her, so they’re perpendicular with his stomach resting on hers. And she’s just like “what on earth are you doing” and he nonchalantly replies, “eh… I run hot. I’ll be your heating pad, Sakura-chan ♥”-- .. is… is there like, evidence the kyuubi chakra can make his temperature warm even if he’s not using it to fight?? Idk. either that or he just really does run hot, which makes sense because he is made of sunshine after all. “holy hell it actually helps. The heat along with the pressure” “yep I’m good for hot pressure” he winks at her and she rolls her eyes but is blushing. and so he just… provides his services pretty regularly from that point on. When this popped into my head I laughed for a full three minutes

m ) they both look young for a very long time, much to sooooo many people’s jealous chagrin. this is not bc I don’t like older features on them or want them to be ~~ooh~~~awww~~always the typical version of hotness~~~ it’s bc I legitimately think they both would appear youthful for longer than others bc of their chakra stores, etc. sakura’s would not be as intentional as tsunade’s, but it would still be an obvious side effect, and naruto is, well, naruto: I bet his uzumaki longevity is boosted by the demon chakra… plus his entire soul is youthful tbh

n ) they regularly visit orphanages together, bearing gifts and stories and their kind companionship. it amazes villagers-- how much their hokage and their head medic-nin, love their people. later in life they foster kids. (oh-- they had fostered two before immediately afterward fostering then adopting arashi)

o ) their first kiss is at Ichiraku’s (this hc is one’o those written in paragraphs but this is... the succinct version lmao)

p ) sakura finds the ring. she proposes. he’s so relieved and elated when she does especially because she isn’t mad he delayed (she actually is never harping him about it or lamenting/venting to her friends that they’re not engaged). she goes the grand scale public route. it’s a little unlike her, but she wants to reinforce in his mind and heart that she absolutely wants him, and wants the world to know it

q ) one of their really big fights happens when sakura is nominated as a hokage candidate. (this is also long paragraphs in the doc but i’ll try to summarize askjdlkj; -- update: i DID shorten it even tho it doesn’t seem it alskfjlaks)

she surpasses tsunade in every way: she fucking attains sage mode via wood style because why the hell wouldn’t she kishimoto??? (and i don’t CARE if people are poking holes in this, I will patch them up! let her be amazing--in other words let her be HER and the HEROINE she’s always been evolving into! why be a wet blanket when you can love women in manga? Tim Gunn voice: MAKE IT WORK!) (alsooo you know what I went and re-read this and it dawned on me this person wrote “should have,” not necessarily that she could one day develop this ability post-actual-canon. So I guess the headcanon is that Kishimoto liked women / her and gave her this arc from the beginning and all the details required to necessitate this development were actually present in the story). everyone admires the skills she’s exhibited running the hospital, and because she’s a war hero who is constantly at a major hospital and cures/saves people on the daily -- basically communicating that saving and protecting others is her life’s work -- a lot of citizens know her and really like and respect her... other reasons, etc., moving along tho-- 

naruto never thought his dream could ever be threatened or usurped by one of his most fierce and steadfast supporters. but…. He really loves her. And he’s so proud of her. And so he seriously considers refusing it if they choose him, so it would likely fall to her, or just flat-out taking his name out of the running so it’s not even a choice. It is in part self-sacrifice, but not merely; he respects her; reveres her strength and leadership; agrees she’s been indispensable and reliable for so long, and has worked so hard...  and, geez, he often thought HE was an underdog?? His life’s been no picnic, he’s worked incredibly fucking hard to get through things and evolve to his current station... but, well… his future wife has overcome so much to gain her status and prove herself, too, with as much effort as him, and while she did have teachers on the same level as him, she performed all her heroism with signiiiificantlllyyy less prophetic/demon/bloodline inertia to get her here (and by less we facetiously mean: none).

she’s pissed he’d even consider walking away from this goal. he tries to explain, “sakura. you’ve been my dream, too, for just as long.” it takes an emotional night -- mostly with her pleading for him to understand that she doesn’t want him to and is so sorry she’s ever made him feel like martyring himself is the only way to get her to acknowledge his devotion -- to settle it all. but yeah. he becomes hokage. a GOOD hokage.

r ) i love the idea of kurama just one day smugly bringing to their attention their shared connection to mito (i hc that mito developed the seal technique tsunade and sakura have) “naruto? what’s he saying? what does he mean?” “well, uh… y’know how baachan’s uzumaki mito’s granddaughter? and mito was kurama’s jinchuuriki before my mom? uh… what he’s saying is… mito developed the byakugou by accessing some of his chakra. so… that means…” and she finishes: “we’re both… kind of mito’s disciples?” “thanks ultimately to kurama’s chakra.. and.. being uzumaki...” he says somewhat blankly. and her brows shoot up as a sort of wry smile twitches on her lips, which then turns into a genuine grin. she looks at him with love in her eyes and repeats tenderly, “being uzumaki…” kurama immediately kinda regrets his decision to share this fact when they’re gonna be such sappy nerds about it

s) from my 1sentence challenge but it doubles as a hc: When he opened the door to their cozy apartment he saw her on the living room rug -- knees at a silly angle with fabric draped over her thighs, repeating the motion of her hand moving toward it, then away -- and when he got closer the red thread seemed to glimmer a greeting, her engagement ring winking in tandem, while she lovingly stitched the characters of his destiny onto the new haori.

..........i thought about stopping at n.... and then i decided i needed to get from n to s ;) (i’m embarrassing, i know, it’s ok, i’ve come to terms with it)

[deeeeetz]

The one thing I regret about school or studying in general (long post, like hella long man)

I think there are many regrets when it comes down to how you have spent your early years in life whether it be socializing, having fun or just studying. I’ve seen a lot posts and people saying that they regretted not having more fun in school or not paying attention in class, or anything similar to that. I wanna add something to that. I also wanna post a solution to that as well. Now you’ll have to excuse my english and grammar (pls no hate).

One thing i realized, now that I’m in my second year of college, is that i regret not pushing my parents to put me through private classes/tuition classes. I noticed early on during the one or two years that my parents put me through private lessons that I did REALLY well in school. Like, i was put in private classes for flute lessons, and it made me get the first chair (which is like the top seat in band class) during my 5th grade. Or in 6th grade, when my parents put me in a tuition class for math and i really excelled in Algebra 1 during that year. But being the whiny and lazy shit that I am, i didn’t want to continue those classes. Partially because i realized that we were financially struggling and also because i was just plain lazy (i admit i was a piece of shit). Now i realize that most parents (of asian decent especially) push their kids to do hundreds of these private lessons and classes to make their kids be the very best with no regards of their mental stress level or what their kids might be feeling. And my parents probably didn’t want to put that amount stress on, so they never pushed for me to go through this. 

But you know what, I really wish they did. Now im not putting all the blame on my parents and i really do appreciate that they didnt bombard me with school and studying all the time. But this really caused me to take on harder classes (while failing them lol) at school to show that I am smart and that I need to raise their expectations of me, When my parents just told me to do whatever the hell i want (not really socially but in terms of studying), and when they said they have no expectations of me, it felt like it implied that they thought i was just plain stupid and i wasn’t worth their time.

I wanted to decrease their financial burden and i tried studying for myself, but obviously i wasnt doing it right, so i didnt really do well in my classes. Even now im struggling because I dont know how to properly study in the way thats right for me.

Now for my solution:

I know my future kids wont have the same learning style that i did, where tuition/private classes helped me learn. But i can try putting them through them to test out if they are able to get help from them. I’ll try putting my expectations on them. I wanna try pushing them, but with caution. I know that if my kid is excelling in their classes because of the private lesson, then I’ll ask them whether they think its helpful to them and whether they want to continue doing them. If they dont like them, even after seeing the positive results, then ill make a deal (a contract you could say). They’ll have to give up a little bit (i dont know how long those classes would take) of their time and do these private lessons for me, because regardless of what they think is “fun” for them, i want them to grow up with the right habits and understanding. In return, i wont yell or scold at them constantly outside of this allotted time to constantly keep studying. They can play whatever games or go outside do whatever they want (Keeping in mind they have homework to finish, tho). I wont deprive them of having fun and socializing. I know its needed. Afterwards, when its time to go into college, they are free to do whatever they want. I will never bother them about their studies or anything because i trust that they will have the correct habits to study on their own.

On the other hand, if my kids dont find good results coming from their private lessons, then there are three cases at play here: 1) the private classes is not very good or isnt compatible with my child’s learning style 2) my kids arent putting enough effort 3) they really just arent getting no matter how hard they try. Now with #1, i can easily find other methods or classes to put them, if they want to. With #2, I have to somehow make them understand the importance of putting in this effort now, i wont pressure them to do this if they really dont care or dont want to do it. In the case of #3, I’ll just work with whatever passion, or thing they really want or are good at (like art or something). 

I know for sure with the “contract” thing is to make sure that I keep my promise, and i won’t abuse my “right” or whatever as a parent to bully my kids into doing what i want them to do. I want to treat them with respect and make sure they understand that everyone in the house is responsible for their actions. If i make a mistake as a parent, they can put a “check” on saying, “hey mom, i dont think what you did the other day was right, i was feeling like so and so, and i think its better if we could do it like this from now on, is that ok?” and i’ll gladly take in that thought and work with it along with them. I dont want them to bottle up any stress or whatever “injustice” they think is going on. And supposing they think whatever i’m doing wrong is not actually “wrong” per say (idk how to explain this, like they think making them clean up as a chore is wrong, when really its teaching them to be good people around the house kind of example), ill have to explain to them why doing these things are good for them.

I know i kinda went off track here but i want to explain how i wanted my family to run when i was growing up. I grew up thinking sometimes why in the world do i have to do this around the house or make sure that im studying for the classes without help from others and shit like without any sort of explanation. I assumed things on my own and it resulted to me regretting all sorts of things.

I dont want that for my kids.

I hope they understand this.