#and i'm very happy with some aspects of her body (i used a photo of paolla oliveira as a base) but she might be looking too short

[marigraphia]

Hey remember when Kory was a Justice League member with a bangin' costume

[yn-rollcall]

Momento Bakugo x Reader Chapter 23

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Summary: So I was always told to look on the bright side. The bright side is that I’m finally meeting the Number One and Two pro-heroes Deku and Dynamight. The downside is that I was publicly dragged out of my job for a string of robberies that I did not commit and am being detained for questioning.

Length: 5.2k

Warnings: Oral Sex, Food Kink, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Mirror Sex, Quirk Kink (My Hero Academia), Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Emotional Constipation, Chocolate Syrup, Fluff, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Temperature Play, Hate Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Injury, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Creampie, Bondage, Body Worship, Light Dom/sub, Daddy Kink, Pegging, Public Masturbation, Office Sex, Wank and Tell, Polyamory, So like at the very very end there’s KatsukixReaderxKirishima, But it happens so last minute I don’t feel justified tagging it as one of the main relationships, Constructive Criticism Welcome

A03 Wattpad

A/N: Welcome to Fluff town!! I had a lot of trouble deciding what ideas to put in and leave out! From here on out it's rebuilding relationships and exploring new ones. We're near the end y'all!

Y/N POV

I walked back in the shop feeling like I simultaneously wanted to break into song and beat the living shit out of everyone here. But his smile. Fuck they could embarrass me for the next 20 years and it'd be worth it. I've never seen him look so happy. One single smile and I was on Cloud Nine again. He didn't hate me? After I was so cruel? My phone buzzed a mile a minute. The Dynamight fandom was blowing up about his photo. Whoever took the photo, uploaded it quick. God I get it I was still geeking out too. I'll probably be chasing this particular high for a while.

"So how'd it go?" Deku asked, emerging from the back after a quick peek.

"She needed some help but she was able to get it out." Yoko said her chest puffed out proudly.

"I heard." He said with a cute laugh. "Please tell me someone mentioned the call and response thing."

"You should've seen it, she looked like she wanted a hole to swallow her up!" Yoko cackled.

"I hate both of you by the way." I grumbled.

Deku and Yoko joked around. I fake pouted watching everyone buzz about with excitement. A small smile curled my lips as I watched the bakery possess a light airy vibe for the first time in a long time. Yoko grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen where Deku was waiting with his notebook. Oh god here we go.

"So we've managed to successfully replace the disgust response with positive emotions. Now we gotta work on the intensity aspect." Deku murmured, looking at his notes.

"Intensity?" I asked, worried about more ridiculous training.

Some of which I'm starting to suspect was for the hell of it. What did the call and response thing even contribute to anyway?

"Yea. You hated Kacchan before but since you replaced the response you love Kacchan again. We didn't exactly get rid of the intense portion." Deku explained, still examining his notebook.

"That explains the stuttering earlier." I murmured. "I knew it'd be awkward but I never imagined I'd be that awkward about it."

"This is a much less cute explanation and I'm gonna continue to believe you were just having a schoolyard crush moment out there." Yoko decided.

"So how do we get rid of the intensity?" I said.

"It should fade naturally over time." Deku said. "Considering the amount of exposure you've already had it means you have to get used to non-hero Kacchan..."

"Which means we should just let it ride!" Yoko said cheerfully.

"Or we should just like...phase it out so I don't have any weird side effects. Deku, what do you got for me?" I asked.

"Actually I'm all for letting it ride itself out. The thing we'd have to do is basically repeatedly expose you to him outside of hero work anyway." He said with a sunny innocent smile that I've learned to distrust. "Might as well just be shy for a while."

I'll admit, Deku had me completely fooled when we first met. The man was a sadist. Through and through. I'm also really sure he has a thing for humiliating people. He's had me wear Dynamight merch in public. Post on forums. Literally any and every way I could interact and be a total fangirl against my will for Dynamight, he forced me to do. I'm pretty fucking sure at this point he did it just because I hated it so much. He said he wasn't mad about the Shoto thing anymore but I didn't believe that shit for a second. Either he's mad or just sadistic.

"You guys are really excited to watch me suffer." I said with a pointed look at Deku.

"Well you did almost kill my boyfriend." He huffed.

So he is salty. The bastard.

"You also beat the hell out of mine so we're even." I shot back. "I know all the gritty details about how you basically shattered his ribs and he had to use a health potion or whatever to survive. I think we're even."

"WHAT?" Yoko asked, mouth hanging open.

"Who told you.....Denki." Deku narrowed his eyes, after he figured it out.

"Yea...he's now my friend and I've been learning a lot about you Deku dear so you're gonna have to start being nice to me." I said. "Or I just might have to let slip a few things to Shoto."

"I liked traumatized apologetic Y/N better. Where is she?" Deku said, a small smile on his lips.

"Subscription to that Y/N is more than you can afford but call-you-on-your-shit Y/N is 1000% free." I said with a sparkling smile.

Deku was about to reply when his phone buzzed. He smiled softly and quickly texted a reply.

"Shoto?" Yoko asked, pulling out some more pastries from the oven.

"Yea, he told me that Kacchan almost walked into traffic cuz he's on Cloud Nine." He laughed softly.

I pulled out my phone to text him to be careful but then I remembered. I deleted his number. And all of our cute texts. I pursed my lips. It seemed fitting that I have to start over. I should start over. I should romance Katsuki like he romanced me. It was the least I can do. My phone buzzed and I got a message from Deku. I looked at him and he flicked his eyes to the phone. I opened the message and after a few moments I recognized the number he texted me. It's Katsuki's phone number. I looked back at Deku, thinking.

"I...is it alright if I try to earn it from him." I said softly.

Deku put a hand on my shoulder.

"You know that you don't have to earn love right?" He asked. "Kacchan probably is itching to text you already."

"But..."

"You worked hard, really hard to overcome this awful thing. If 'earning it' is something you had to do then you've done it. I watched you do it." Deku said.

"But. The first go around, he put in a lot of effort to make sure I was comfortable and safe and...I want to show him that same effort too. It's not a redemption thing -well okay it definitely is- but its...its also a he..deserves it thing. If that makes sense." I blabbed out, looking away.

"I guess romance isn't dead." Yoko said, pinching my cheek.

I gave her a murderous glare and she gave me a mischievous smirk. Deku handed her some materials off the top shelf as she pulled out another pan. These two have been a well oiled machine ever since they came together on the Fix Y/N project. I handed Yoko some spices so she could get the pastries to taste.

"So if we're in a good place brainwashing wise...then let's get started on a romance action plan!" Yoko said, pumping her flour covered fist in the air.

"I think I can handle that part." I said.

"Oh really, the girl who was struggling to get words out 10 minutes ago, has this on lockdown." She said with a dubious look.

"No I don't, but I do know when I am in fact opening myself for more antics." I grumbled.

"And open you are!!" Yoko cheered. "I've already got the next plot hands down. Operation D.A.T.E."

"What do the letters stand for?" I asked.

"Nothing, I just wanted to spell it out." She said and I groaned.

"Actually before the date we should re-establish rapport right?" Deku said, his hand on his chin.

"Guys I can do that plenty on my own. Literally a customer service person." I said, gesturing to myself.

"Customer service doesn't count as social interaction." Deku and Yoko said at the same time.

"Okay how about this. You guys handle date ideas, I handle the establishing rapport part." I offered in an attempt to get them off my back.

Yoko squealed and turned towards Deku who was already churning with ideas. I sighed and carried on with my duties. A soft smile playing on my features, absolutely genuine for the first time in what felt like forever. Once the end of the day arrived, Yoko waved goodbye to Deku who turned towards me with a smile. I nodded and we started heading up my street. We talked about what's been going on at the agency as well as our respective days when we reached the familiar elevator of my building. I turned towards Deku.

"Thanks...for everything. Like up until now." I said

"Don't thank me, I put you in this mess in the first place." Deku said with a rueful smile.

"You-" I started

"I was controlled yea yea, so were you. I wouldn't have felt right if I just sat there and watched you both struggle. So, thanks for trusting me to help." He said, giving me that boyish smile.

I rolled my eyes and gave him a smile. "You're welcome I guess."

"You're welcome too I guess." He said, his smile growing just a little wider.

"I'll see you later." I said as I turned towards the door.

"See you!" He said cheerfully. Then he paused. "Text Kacchan soon okay? It'll probably help him sleep."

The bags under his eyes were getting horrendous...maybe I should do it tonight? Or am I just justifying not having to work for it...what's the right move?

I walked inside, noticing Iris wasn't home yet. The living room TV played softly in the background. Given that her work laptop was still in the living room, she might've just stepped out. I walked over to turn off the TV when I noticed some stands of long white hair. I guess Iris got a new wig? Considering the original purpose of the wigs, contacts and varying styles was to throw off Hosei, I figured she wouldn't buy anymore. Old habits die hard I guess.

I went into my room and for the first time...I was just tired. No worries, no training (well I'm skipping for today), no despair, no compulsive need to punch anything. I went into my closet and hesitantly pulled out the Dynamight pillow I stitched. It kinda looks like he has some cool scars on his chest if I ignore the bad stitching. I walked over to the bed and laid it beside me, seeing how I felt. Then I picked up the pillow and hugged it, reminiscing on the start of this journey.

-Two weeks ago-

He's not moving. Why is he not moving?? Please be okay please please please.

I was out of the door before I even registered it. I heard Iris yell my name but I was already jumping off the balcony, launching myself at light speed towards the battle. I adjusted my trajectory, pushing myself beyond my limits just to get there in time. The battlefield came into view as the villain picked up a huge chunk of building with his extra arms and threw it at Katsuki. I flung myself in its path, dropping like an asteroid in front of him before focusing the gravity on the middle of concrete, breaking it half before flinging the pieces far on either side of me.

"Who are you?" He roared. "It was just supposed to be Dynamight."

"I'm the person that's gonna make your fucking grave right here bitch." I roared at him, everything floating around me.

The villain examined me closer and laughed. I pulled my eyebrows together before I realized I still had my rudolf the red nosed reindeer pajamas on. I cursed under my breath and sighed. This is embarrassing.

"I remember now you're that girl that trended a while back, the Dynamight groupie." He said after his laughter calmed a bit.

I rolled my eyes. I used my gravity to shove Dynamight and the citizen further back without looking.

"Uh. Yea, have you seen him? He's a fantastic hero." I gestured to the man behind me. "Don't get fucking jealous because you look like an extra in a bad B-movie."

"You better silence yourself before you regret it." He growled.

"The only thing I regret is that people like you even think you can step to me." I shot back.

He roared, bringing a stretching fist down towards me. I dodged around it, not confident in my ability to be able to block it. He swung in various places creating craters wherever he hit. Yea I'm definitely not trying to get hit by that. I floated into the air dodging until a force hit me from the back sending me crashing into the ground. I saw another stretchy fist coming from behind the building.

"That's right, bow before the man who will bring revolution!" He jeered.

I stood up, body aching. "God, you love to hear yourself talk. Shut the fuck up, no one cares." I spat at him.

I launched myself at him, landing a few blows before pulling back. He stumbled around reeling but not as affected as expected. I guess I really haven't recovered my strength yet. God this is so sad. I dodged fist, this time vigilant about the other fists and where they are. One came flying at me and I used the debris to bury and stab it, rendering it immobile.

I dodged a different fist, carefully scanning the area for more. Maybe if I closed in and kicked the side of his head, he'd be out for the count. I felt a hand grab me. My body flew back with the force of a blast as I watched a fist fall where I stood before I'm set next to the civilian. Katsuki.

"You. Stay." He seethed, a vein popping out of his head.

Uh yes sir.

The villain man shot another huge stretchy fist at Katsuki. He easily deflected it to the side and blasted forward, landing a swift kick to his temple, knocking him out. His arm hung oddly like it was tender but his face as he walked back was so furious I was starting to think I needed the handicap. He came within a few feet of us and turned to the lady.

"Can you walk?" He asked with gritted teeth.

She nodded standing up, clearly afraid.

"There's a hospital two streets down. Need an escort?" He grunted.

"No sir, thanks." She said as she scurried away then Katsuki turned his attention to me.

I gulped.

"Wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking?" He asked, murder in his tone.

"I-" I squeaked out.

"Especially when you barely FUCKING RECOVERED FROM HOSEI WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING." He snapped, his hands starting to sizzle.

I jumped a little, not used to him yelling at me.

"What the fuck were you gonna do if you got hurt huh?!" He asked, rage coming out in waves off his body.

But I was angry too.

"Like I was gonna sit back and watch you be done in by THAT loser!" I yelled back.

"I could've handled it." He seethed.

"I cOuLdV'e HaNdLeD iT" I mocked. "What the hell ever dude you were getting the piss kicked out of you!"

"You're so fucking exhausting!" He screamed, turning around letting out blasts in the air.

"I'd rather be annoying than see you dead!" I screamed at him.

"You shouldn't fucking care if I died or not! That's literally the whole issue!" He yelled back.

"What the fuck ever then! Don't believe me, I don't give a shit. Just get it together!" I yelled before turning around to fly home.

I landed in front of my door muttering to myself expletives as I stripped off my clothes and hopped in the shower. I winced as I brushed over a bruise from where I got hit. The pain radiated out of the wound and faded as I left it alone. This sucked. I'm still pissed and I didn't have work today. I pulled out my phone and texted the group chat.

Y/N:

I need a distraction. Like cross-faded at a theme park level.

Kira:

Considering you just fought with Dynamight on live TV I totally believe it.

It was live? Fuuuuuuuck.

I searched up Dynamight and saw a bunch of articles popping up about Dynamight having a lover's quarrel. People are already memeing about my pajamas. And making jokes.

Yu:

My favorite tweet about it so far is this.

They sent an image of me edited in that one Jojo meme where Dio and Jotaro stand off. It's hilarious and that pisses me off.

Y/N:

Please don't say I'm trending

Ori:

You're uhh......a popular topic. Btw this one's my favorite

Ori sent a tweet. The caption was: 'The face of a generation." And it was a picture of me getting smacked by the fist.

Y/N:

ANYWAY DISTRACTIONS PLEASE.

Yu:

We were thinking about going bowling. Wanna come?

Kira:

I'll bring edibles and we can get a little high to add some spice?

Y/N:

Im in.

We talked for a bit more until we decided on which bowling place. I changed my clothes and walked into the living room where Iris was typing on her computer. Her work glasses, reflecting the piles and piles of data she was analyzing.

"Hey, do you have a high caseload?" I asked.

"Yea, it's gonna be busy busy...why?" She said, glancing up from the screen.

"We're all going to the bowling alley to distract me from the fact I appeared in Christmas pajamas on national television." I said.

"Aw man the memes are...." She looked at my expression. "Not funny. Unbearable. Nothing is sacred anymore."

"No, I actually think they're funny too." I grumbled.

"Thank God because I've been retweeting them for the past 10 minutes." She said, smiling.

I gave her a rueful smile and then headed out the door. After a while, I arrived at a 90's themed bowling alley. I dressed to match the place because I really wanted an excuse to tie a shirt or something around my waist. I walked down a couple lanes and Ori waved me down. All of them dressed in 90s attire. Kyra handed me a gummy and I popped it in my mouth.

"Alright, are we doing teams or a free for all?" I asked.

"Teams and you're on mine love." Ori said putting his arm around me.

"Fine. Yu and I got this anyway." Kira said fist-bumping Yu.

"Our team name is...One-Shot." She said. "Kira's good at shooting and I'm good at KO's

"Alright." I said. "Then our name is Ori-hime. My old stage name, Ori's name is literally in it and we're both pretty as fuck."

"Damn right!" Ori said, tying his hair back and earning the attention of some bowlers in the next lane.

"Pretty sure there were ugly princesses." Kira laughed.

"Not in this room there ain't." I replied on my way to get my shoes.

We bowled for a few sessions, literally neck and neck laughing as the gummies kicked in. Our shots were worse but the fun we were having leveled it out. We eventually ordered two greasy pizzas to share.

"Hey...am I crazy or does that guy look kinda familiar?" Yu whispered.

We looked over our shoulder to see someone in a mask and a hat walk in. He searched around until he saw us and walked over. He crouched down directly in front of me. Then he pulled his mask down. It was Deku? How did he know I was here?

"Can I talk to you for a second please?" He asked just above the music.

"Um, sure." I answered.

He pulled his mask up, gesturing to the dining area. I followed him, not addressing my friends' curious stares. Honestly, I wish I asked Kira for another half so I could be totally out of it for this conversation. He sat down at a table and I followed suit, waiting for him to speak. He pulled the mask down, giving me a shy smile.

"Hey Y/N." He said softly.

"Hi." I responded, scared about what happens next.

"I wanted to apologize...honestly for everything but especially what happened yesterday." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, I mean you wanted to do something for your friend, I get it." I said quickly.

"No matter what, blackmailing you into visiting Katsuki was a bad call." He said softly. "Regardless of the circumstances."

"Well, I'm not gonna judge on bad calls. I've made quite a few of my own lately." I said.

"About that..." He trailed off. "I'm not happy with what happened the day we arrested Hosei but I was never truly mad. Well mad enough to need atoning for. Honestly after I was able to calm down, I felt a ton of guilt." He said.

What?

My eyes widened.

"I felt it was cosmic payback for putting you in Hosei's hands. For making the mistakes that led to this outcome." He continued sadly, his eyes dimming a bit.

"Deku, you were being controlled. There's literally nothing you could've done about that." I said, eyes softening.

"Even before then, I suspected you. I thought you and Iris were up to something." He said, squeezing his fists.

"Again you were led to believe that. It was the whole plan." I said to him.

"And afterwards...you're still hurting regardless of who orchestrated it; you're hurting because of my actions."

"I know you'd never actually wish this on me so I don't hold it against you." I said.

"You're way too nice..." Deku said under his breath.

I tilted my head at him. Deku gave me a kind smile as he considered what he was about to say.

"Why are you so kind to others but not yourself?" He asked delicately.

I froze.

"I suspected it, when you appeared in the shops and wouldn't look our way. Then when we asked you to come to the agency it kind of confirmed what Kacchan's been saying." He explained. "You tell everyone but yourself to not take responsibility for things they didn't cause."

I looked down, sinking into my seat. Being so blatantly read felt uncomfortable.

"Because I deserve the blame." I said miserably.

"Kaminari felt that way." He pointed

"He really didn't deserve it." I replied

"Neither do you." He said

"Yes I do." I insisted. "I hurt...really really good people. I tried to hurt you, I damn near killed Shoto. And...I'm hurting Katsuki. I'm really hurting him." I said softly.

Deku gently placed a hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I could meet his eyes. His kind forgiving eyes.

"You still love him right?" Deku said softly.

"Yea." My voice cracked. "More than anything."

"He loves you too." He said.

"I wish he didn't." I murmured.

Deku looked at the bowling lanes for a moment then turned back to me.

"The real reason why I didn't respond to your text, besides guilt and shame, was because we were speeding up the process to get Hosei in jail. The longer he was around people, the more likely he could manipulate and hurt people. Because even without his quirk, he knows how to twist hearts. " He looked at me pointedly.

I looked away, guilt gnawing at me.

"I'm not saying that to shame you. I'm saying he's a master manipulator. He pissed off the cops arresting him so bad they almost forgot to read his rights. Then he tried to goad them into collecting illegal evidence before we stopped them." He said, listing off the incidents on his fingers. "He's just really good at what he does."

I looked back at Deku, taking in what he said.

"Kacchan personally made sure all the paperwork was spotless and completed ASAP. He wanted to be able to tell you as soon as possible that Hosei could never bother you again." Deku said.

He did that for me? No wonder they all looked so tired.

"I heard from Yoko the effort you've been putting in to prevent damage in your interactions." Deku said.

"You and Yoko talk?" I asked.

"We've ummm been coordinating efforts to try to help with the Brainwash situation." He said apologetic.

"You suggested the storytelling thing didn't you?" I asked and Deku nodded.

"She suggested the training room scenario. Saying that it would help you realize it's not as hopeless as you thought. But that backfired." Deku sighed.

Astronomically but....it did actually help me realize something.

"Not completely. I realized during that time, that...I still deeply cared about Katsuki. That there is a limit to the programming. That I respect him at least deep down." I said hesitantly as if testing the words to see if they're true.

And they were. I respected and cared about Katsuki at my core. Hosei couldn't change that. Deku watched this breakthrough with a smile.

"Shoto and I've been thinking of a theory. About how to help. You might have to tell us the finer details of the brainwashing though." He said apologetically.

"Do you think I even have the right?" I asked, begging him with my eyes to be honest. "Do I even deserve that?

To get better.

To be rid of this tension.

To eventually try to be with Katsuki again?

"This may be selfish but, I think for Kacchan's sake you should at least try." He said. "I don't think the case with any of us is about rights. The only one who's to truly blame is Hosei." He said, eyes narrowing.

"He's your best friend. Do you really want me dating him?" I asked.

"He loves you so much." Deku said, my heart soared at hearing that. I tried not to show it on my face but his smile says he noticed. "And you love him. So it's not about me."

He's not saying that he wants me to date him.

"Plus you're literally the only person he's dated that made him into an actual texter." Deku said, still amazed. "And he like...cracked a joke once I think. Incredible."

I laughed in response.

"I also hurt him when I was in Hosei's trance so I'm not feeling like I get to be the gatekeeper of who he dates." He said. "But if you want my opinion anyway, I think you're the only option worth considering. I think you two are wonderful together."

My cup started to float and I pulled it down. We're wonderful together? I thought so too. I mean obviously not lately but we were. We were wonderful.

I miss him.

"So. Do you think you can try with us?" He asked, offering his hand.

I think of the last few days. How I never actually gave myself the space to think about forgiveness. How I've catastrophized the whole situation. How hard Katsuki in spite of all the hurt tried his hardest for me. How I focused on reducing harm instead of fully fixing it. How much I kind of just gave up immediately. But 20 minutes talking to Deku and I felt hope that maybe I could. Maybe things could be better --no great between us once more. I smiled, tears running down my face at finally being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He really is the symbol of hope. I took his hand and shook it.

"Absolutely." I replied.

Deku stood up, giving me a slight bow before walking out of the bowling alley. I returned to my friends still crying and they stood up, ready to fight.

"Where the fuck is he?" Yu seethed, looking around for Deku.

"I'll get his legs and then you pummel him." Kira said pointing to Ori who nodded.

"No guys!" I choked out, crying more because my friends were willing to defend me. "He helped me alot and I'm just really happy right now." I said.

They froze, processing what I said for a moment. Then they visibly relaxed.

"Oh...in that case c'mere!" Yu said, giving me a huge hug.

Kira and Ori joined in and a fuzzy feeling filled my heart. The warmth of this moment. We eventually broke off, eating the cheap pizza and continuing the game. Team One-Shot won but at this point the competitive air was gone. We were just happy to be there. We bowled a few more games until we all parted ways. My phone buzzed and I fished it out of my pocket.

Iris:

Did Deku help?

Y/N:

So it was you who told him.

Iris:

I figured symbol of hope could uhh shed some hope.

Y/N:

Your next meal is on me. I fucking love you so much.

Iris:

So he did help!

Y/N:

So much. So so much.

Iris:

I'm so glad.

I boarded the train and once I got off, I couldn't wait. I took off and after a few minutes landed in front of my door. I unlocked the door, threw off my shoes and hugged Iris who after a moment of adjustment hugged me back.

"I love you." I said, cheerfully.

"I love you too." She replied, adjusting her glasses.

I went to my room, trying to gear myself for possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do yet. Deku sent me a list of options in ways to train myself to break out of this thing. He even offered to help in tandem with Yoko to ease me through the worst of it. Steeling myself with a motivating mantra, I got ready for bed. I pulled the covers over my body not allowing any other thoughts but success fill my mind as I drifted off to sleep. Just before I slept I realized that this whole day, I could think of him as Katsuki. Not Dynamight. Katsuki. The man I loved so so dearly my heart ached. I wanted to go even further. Improve even more.

I vow to try.

No, I vow to succeed.

-Present-

And I did, I actually did. It was so hard and I still have a lot of work to do behind the scenes to maintain it but I did it. I pulled out my phone hovering over Deku's text.

It's my job to establish rapport right?

I bit my lip going back and forth before sending a picture of the Dynamight pillow to Katsuki.

Y/N:

He's out of the doghouse.

I was contemplating my next text and honestly wondering if I made the wrong move when a text came in.

Unknown:

Doghouse must've been rough, I see some new scars here and there.

Y/N:

It's a harsh world in the doghouse, not many survive.

Unknown:

You're telling me.

I bit my lip, wondering what to respond when he suddenly called. I watched it vibrate a couple times before answering. I hesitated, mentally trying to calm down when I said a small hello.

"Hi." He said, sounding equally as hesitant.

"Hi..." I repeated back. "Wait shit I said that."

He gave a soft laugh.

"Um...how have you been?" I asked

"Good. I just got my girl back." He said, a smile in his tone.

My body heated up as a goofy smile threatened to pull at my lips.

"Yea? Crazy thing. Similar thing happened except I kinda made a fool of myself in front of my boyfriend."

He sucked in a breath, I froze. Did I fuck up?

"Could...could you say it again?" He asked.

"Which thing?"

"Boyfriend. My name...all of it." He said softly.

"I can probably do you one better maybe." I said, preparing myself to do what will probably be a never ending pattern of being sappy.

Naturally I struggled but, I reminded myself that Katsuki is worth it. And that I already promised myself I was gonna be the sappiest bitch alive to make up for all the shit I put him through.

"I love you Katsuki." I said pouring my all into it. "And I promise I'll make you feel like the luckiest dude alive for sticking with me after all this."

"I already do." He said, his voice carefully settling into his happiness.

It was awkward and stilted but we talked for hours. About little things. Favorite movies, games, pet peeves all of it. It was like I was remapping every detail of him that I missed so dearly. Storing those little facts and etching it into my heart as he was doing the same. Eventually I heard him start to drift to sleep. I tried hanging up but he wanted me to keep talking, so I did. When I heard soft snores in the background, I couldn't bring myself to hang up. I put my phone on the charger and I listened to his soft breaths until I slept, a new vow in my heart.

I will cherish you for as long as I can. For all my days if you'd let me.

[fluffy-deer-bunny]

I called this picture Frozen.

This drawing turned out to be more difficult than I thought (￣▽￣*)ゞ And yet, I was sooo happy to draw it, even for so many days! (o^ ^o) It was very nice to draw every detail and, despite the fact that I didn’t know at first what kind of light I should make, I finished well. And despite the fact that I still see what could be added ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ but we know the measure ✧˖°

In general, the fact is that I decided to sketch the situation that happened in July, and now I want to explain it to you a little, because ..If it were not so important, I wouldn't draw this.

So, in the last month, a lot has happened to the Eighth. The most important thing is his change in himself. Not only did I change very much from the period of January to the present day and could influence them (the closest connection with the closest people), so also those incomprehensible or difficult situations took place in The World of Terra (one of them is about what happens if the Guardian really gets hooked on evil¹), which sometimes racked their brains. There were so many of them that, purely physically, I wouldn't be able to write them down even in the book that I'm already planning now.

Four of my cuties, who lived for some time in Belgrade (the city of the World of Terra), not remembering what happened in the White Town, have already begun to get used to the fact that they can live both there and there and generally walk through different universes, if necessary. But still, despite the fact that it was clear that they had two houses, the problems were felt in time, in the perception of the place and.. changes in them. In all respects: mentally and physically. This especially affected the Eighth, who has always been very different for me in that he, like me, sometimes thinks VERY much, which, of course, does not lead to a good state for me or him, if we go too far with the "search for meanings". But even this wasn't the main aspect, unbalancing.

The main thing was the period itself, when, after a clamped state and the subsequent acceptance of his tiger part of himself, which was temporarily suppressed in the history of The World of Terra (by the way, this is a spoiler), he began to intuitively choose how it would be easier for him. Because throughout many stories, he constantly hesitated to either be inconspicuous and quiet, or help a lot of people, and, accordingly, a lot of eyes will be directed to him. And sensuality, instability and incredible strength burned in such a way that it forced energy to burst out in jerks and at first morally torment, and then, when there was no strength and desire to endure the pressure of elections and constant raging emotions (but the worst thing is that the question "but what for?", destroying even the most common sense), the physical body himself tried to protect himself, using the Guardian Force². However, since this only made him more sensitive, it didn't help to defend himself, but rather increased the desire to be "lowered", supposedly calming this incredible power raging in him, but in the end completely destroying him.

And then one day it happened.

The drawing, like a photo, depicts the first day when they, Veles and Severina, in the house of the Eighth, remote from the White Town, “froze” at the place where he fell and crashed, not even being able to physically recover. And Severina, a few days before, tried (almost in desperation) to protect him from these bursts that split him. Having the Force to use various ores, she created for him this diamond protection, resembling armor, in some places fastened with a golden thread, which she dissolved on occasion and helped to remove the armor. Having first made a promise to herself to be more attentive to him and not to allow herself to believe so trustingly that her beloved was really all right, she, at that moment, when it became clear that he wouldn't rise and speak, fell on knees, bowing like for a king, which he was in The World of Terra for a certain period, and then she froze, too.

So they froze for a week. A week in OUR time. For them, it was a very long time, and therefore, the last days, the Eighth came to consciousness and began to think about what had happened. Watching the sky, he felt sorry for acting so cruelly towards everyone, and after some time (recently), when he saw.. my attitude towards him and everything, in principle, I think, it became crystal clear that if we treat themselves so ruinously, then all the negative thoughts, like a black spot on the water, will spread to everything and EVERYONE around, that it will become unbearable to live, especially if we realize that we LOVE.

Well, at the end of that week, Severina, because of the voice of the Eighth, who called and asked her to get up, unclenched her muscles and was able to move. It was difficult at first due to the long immobility and contraction of the body, but she recovered quickly, especially due to the fact that she saw the Eighth healthy.

We all became healthier that day.

This whole situation is incredibly illustrative of first my changes in myself between January and summer, which affected their lives, and then theirs changes. And it happened so hard in addition because I changed my attitude TO THEM this summer. Since for a long time I didn’t even meet them at all, and even longer I was tormented by thoughts that were unpleasant and killed any meanings. The meaning of doing something, the meaning of being interested in something, the meaning of loving something.

But now everything fascinates me, even this, only more and more. Because watching me and them change because of HOW I cognize the world… It's truly magical. And through their eyes to perceive the world and myself from different angles has always been very useful for me.. and nice… Until I started to doubt just because I was dependent on the opinions of others.

But we set the meaning of life for ourselves, and what anyone can be attributed to me if I am happy, and the soul radiates Light? We all live in completely different ways, with individual views of the world, but we live, Guard Love in our hearts and freely experience the wonders of this world.

Isn't that the main thing?

Everyone of us decides for themself how we relates to the world and what our world will be like. I chose for myself what I dreamed about when I wanted to become happy since 2018.

I became; I create, I live, I love, I appreciate, I run to the beat of the melody of my soul, I play the way I want it.

And life is beautiful, as always.

¹ - The situation will be described in the book and perhaps even sketched or described separately. Maybe.

² - When the body is transformed into a mirror, it is easier for the Guardian to perceive every energy movement around and use it.

[tangent101]

Max Caulfield and Post-Storm PTSD

One thing I find interesting (and have done so myself) is speculating on how broken Max will be in a Post-Storm (either Sacrifice Chloe or Sacrifice Arcadia Bay) setting. While some people (usually those who killed Chloe) like to say "she'd bounce back!" the predominant view is that we have a shattered Max after this who needs a lot of therapy. So I thought I'd unpack this and look at why I look at this this way.

At this point I should add there is potential triggers here. I'll be examining my own PTSD and elements of Max's state of mind that may in fact result in her being in declining mental health in the wake of the events of Life is Strange.

First, let's consider what PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is, and what causes it. And for this I'm going to start by sharing my own trauma. Because I have PTSD. I gained this after I saw a vehicle go out of control and hit two people and run over two others. The final person was trapped under the vehicle and they had to push the van at an angle to pull him out, do CPR, and... he was dead. Even if EMTs had been right there, he'd not have survived.

I suffer flashbacks thinking of this, though it's gotten better. I will flinch, visualize what happened, and feel nausea. I get tense over this and... well, it's not a happy experience to put it mildly. And I have what is likely a milder case of PTSD. I also developed it despite being in an environment that put me at a lower risk of developing it. And yes, I had minor twinges of PTSD writing this up. Two years ago I probably would have had an actual visualization and anxiety break. So you can get better with therapy and help.

But what specifically is PTSD? According to the website for the National Institute of Mental Health, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) develops in some people who experience shocking or dangerous events, with people who have PTSD feeling stressed or frightened even when they are not in danger. PTSD can occur within 3 months of traumatic events or even have you be fine and then crop up *years* later. And symptoms include flashbacks where you relive the trauma, bad dreams, and frightening thoughts which can disrupt a person's everyday routine.

People with PTSD are easily startled, can feel "on edge," have angry outburst, and have difficulty sleeping. They could go through avoidance of staying away from reminders of the experience and avoiding thoughts or feelings related to the event. Further, cognitive and mood symptoms include problems remembering key features of the event, self-negativity, distorted guilt or blame feelings, and loss of interest in enjoyable activities.

Okay, so how can you avoid PTSD? And how could Max avoid this? Well, factors promoting recovery after trauma include seeking support from friends and family, finding a support group, learning to feel good about your own actions in the face of danger, positive coping strategies, and learning to act and respond effectively even when feeling fear.

And this is the kicker. This is why Max is likely screwed as a result of the events of Life is Strange, especially in a Sacrifice Chloe setting. Because Max blames herself and her time travel for the Storm and all the weird shit that happened. She may very well believe that if she uses time travel for any reason, it will result in the Storm and a lot more people dying. And this will get in the way of being in a healthy environment to avoid PTSD.

First, consider friends and family. Max can't tell them what happened because she has absolutely no proof of what she went through. She can't prove her time travel because if she does then she dooms wherever she is and a lot of people die. (It doesn't matter if this is the case or not, she assumes it is true.) So Max is not going to confide in Warren or Dana or Victoria or anyone. She can't. And she's quite likely going to isolate herself because we have already seen at the start of the game, Max is a bit of a loner who doesn't have many friends.

In fact, her two "friends" are Warren (who she feels threatened by due to his attraction to her, as seen by his inclusion in her Nightmare sequence including learning he doctored photos of her to include himself in the picture, his peeping activities on the second day, and the honestly-creepy "Go Ape" thing), and Kate. Kate is going through her own shit and Max remembers Kate killing herself. Is Max going to unload her own issues on someone going through a lot of shit as well or is she going to swallow her problems so not to trouble her friend? And Warren is someone she feels nervous around and who has engaged in some activities that set up warning flags in her psyche. Further, when she told Warren the truth, he promptly blames her time travel on fucking everything up. In short, she trusted Warren and Warren said "you caused all this destruction." (Even if Max initially blames herself, he reinforces that point of view before Max jumps through the photo to save Chloe.)

Nor can I see her telling her parents. Again, she has no proof. Her parents are overprotective already. If she starts going off on this fanciful tale, are they going to believe her? Or are they going to assume their daughter is cracking and force her into therapy and possibly hospitalize her "for her own good" (and thus she ends up medicated and miserable, having lost her autonomy and agency)? It doesn't matter if they wouldn't as Max will worry this could happen. It is better to never say a thing. So Max internalizes everything. And we already see evidence that Max has done this sort of thing in the past. Max keeps her secrets close to her heart. She never told her parents of the time travel even when she could have had proof. So why tell them after Chloe died?

I have been overcoming my PTSD by revisiting it and working through it. Part of this was guided by therapy. Max would not be in a position to talk about this. And how could she? After all, she didn't find Rachel Amber's body (and we have no proof her body is uncovered in a Sacrifice Chloe setting). She didn't see the Storm. She didn't see most of the incidents. The closest that happened was being in the bathroom when Chloe was shot. And her story of what happened would change from the week that beta-Max was in charge and when Max Prime returned to the timeline. So even if she was talking to a school counselor? She'd quickly learn that her story changed and probably shut up and stop seeing them so not to give away her story.

Remember: Max cannot admit to the time travel because doing so means either killing hundreds of people due to the Storm or being locked away for being crazy because she has no proof.

Next, we have feeling good about her actions. For five days Max had hammered into her skull her actions have consequences. More, those consequences are predominantly bad. Far too often Max has to Rewind to fix things from her actions. If she can't Rewind? That means by acting, she's going to fuck things up. In fact, the fundamental aspect of Sacrifice Chloe states that her action to save Chloe caused all of this destruction. Max is going to second-guess herself constantly.

I mean, if she sees Kate on the roof again at a later point (because women who are the victims of crimes are often blamed by society for the crimes inflicted against them as seen time and time again with how we blame victims of sexual harassment and rape for the crimes committed against them, so of course her church and mother and aunt will continue to blame Kate for what she went through), will Max dare to act? If she does, then she might cause another Storm. She might cause damage. If Kate is on that rooftop again, maybe she was supposed to die. Who does Max think she is by trying to stop Destiny?

So yeah. Max is not going to feel good about her actions. She is going to second-guess herself. She already had that tendency at the start of the game, and Sacrifice Chloe hammers down the truth that action is bad. Better to do nothing and not interact.

We end up with Avoidance. Well, what is the biggest Avoidance? Photography. Max already has a murderer who kidnapped her associated with photography. She remembers being in the Dark Room, being powerless in the face of the man who murdered her Chloe. (Just like she murdered her Chloe. She might not have pulled the trigger, but she caused Chloe's death.) She will see Chloe's death and Rachel's death and her own suffering each time she looks at a camera and remembers Mark Jefferson. More, she knows if she focuses on a photograph she could end up traveling through time and causing the Storm. So she can't even enjoy pictures anymore because they are a threat.

That's not to say that the Sacrifice Chloe setting is all dark and dire. She does have music. She loves music. So if she puts aside the camera she might pick up her guitar and embrace music. (Hannah Telle, Max's VA, once speculated that Max would enter a career in music, probably due partly to her own musical inclinations.) So while she might give up her greatest loves, she might eventually embrace a future in music. I doubt she'd ever play in public but... that might be an outlet for a hurting soul.

Now, I've gone on at length about how dire things are for Max in a Sacrifice Chloe setting, but what about Sacrifice Arcadia Bay? Well, things end up a bit more positive in this setting because she can actually talk about going through some of these things. For instance, Max dug up a body with Chloe. She saw Chloe almost shot by Nathan in the bathroom. She saw Kate attempt suicide (whether or not she stopped it is immaterial to the suicide attempt). She learned that a trusted teacher and mentor was in fact a predator who was kidnapping young women, saw pictures of these crimes, and thus "suffers flashbacks visualizing herself in this setting." She can go to therapy and talk about many things she cannot in a Sacrifice Chloe setting and in doing so she can start to work through elements that could result in PTSD developing.

She can also talk to Chloe about what happened. Chloe knows about the time travel. She knows about almost dying (and Max witnessing Chloe's death multiple times). This gives Max a needed outlet for overcoming her own fears and concerns. But more importantly is this: Chloe is likely to tell Max to face down her fears. Chloe is the person who always pushed Max to try new things. And I honestly cannot see that changing as a result of what they went through.

Max also will learn to feel good about her actions. I mean, she chose Chloe over Arcadia Bay. This is the ultimate action, and while she may feel remorse for those deaths and that destruction... she also knows she saved Chloe and Chloe is by her side. She knows that her actions led to the capture and arrest of Mark Jefferson and saving Victoria Chase's life. Hell, it led to David Madsen (and probably a couple Arcadia Bay police officers) surviving the Storm because they were in the Dark Room at the time of the Storm. Her actions have consequences... and those consequences need not be dire. They can be beneficial.

So the Max of Sacrifice Arcadia Bay has a support group, she has access to therapy and can talk about some of the things she went through, she has someone she loves who believes her, she knows that her actions have benefit, she has someone who urges her to move forward. This isn't to say she won't have PTSD... but she is in a far better environment to overcome this to the point that in Life is Strange 2, we learn (in the Save Chloe timeline) that Max is submitting to galleries and that Chloe is still with her. So she's taking pictures and is in a good place in her life.

Now, what about Chloe? After all, Chloe went through some truly horrific shit herself. Chloe was almost shot by Nathan, she almost got hit by a train, she was threatened by Frank, she dug up the body of a girl she truly cared for, dozens of yards from where she was hanging out regularly, she saw a huge-ass Tornado wipe out her home town and kill her mother... yeah, Chloe's been through some horrific stuff, about as horrific as Max. More, she is in an unhealthy position at the time of the game.

But much of what benefits Max in the Save Chloe timeline also benefits Chloe. She can talk to a therapist. She has Max by her side. She has Max by her side and Max out-and-out chose her over hundreds of people. Joyce chose David over her, and for four years Chloe was in an unsafe environment. Rachel was... Rachel, and she was cheating on Chloe anyway. But Max... Max comes back, she saves her life several times, she helps Chloe time and time again, and at the end she chose Chloe over Arcadia Bay. That is big. That is bigger than big, it is... for once, Chloe was told "you are important." I mean, I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking of how big this is. Chloe has realized just how much Max loves her.

So... Chloe might develop PTSD. She is at risk of it. I think her triggers might similar to Max's - both girls probably will freak over thunderstorms for a while, and both may develop an aversion toward guns... at first I thought they'd differ but really, they'd align fairly well. About the only trigger issue Max would have Chloe doesn't has to do with photography (which is why Chloe is the person who'd help Max overcome any such issues).

[lacetulle]

Hey there! Aspiring fashion designer here! I'm getting more and more into fashion and designing/ planning more and more outfits and I was wondering if you have any tips to get more into haute contour and fashion in general. Your blog has really helped me get a grasp of what I like and I all around love it!

I’m happy this blog could help in figuring out what styles you like! There are a ton of different mediums to get into fashion! I’ve compiled a list of options via videos, websites, and books. So strap in, this is a long post.

Since you already have an idea of who you like, I always suggest reading up on that brand/label/designer and going through their archives. For me, when I realized how much I loved Dior and knew I wanted to learn more, it was overwhelming at times because the label has such a long history. If you really like newer labels, like Zuhair Murad, Elie Saab, Iris van Herpen, etc., it’s a little more manageable to read up on the history and designers just because they were founded in the ‘90s/‘00s.

In terms of websites, I have a few to talk about.

Vogue. This is the easiest avenue to get into fashion. I’m not knocking it, because I use it the most for photos, but as far as websites go, it’s the most dumbed-down. But I mean that in the best way! The features, trend reports, and runway news appeals to even the most casual fashion fan. Vogue focuses mainly on big name/commercialized brands (Dior, Valentino, Gucci, etc.) rather than smaller ones (like Guo Pei and Ralph & Russo, two big couture names these days, get minimal coverage with Vogue). Vogue is a great resource for runway looks...it was my gateway into studying older runway collections. All in all, in terms of websites, Vogue is the tip of the fashion media iceberg.  If you want to get into the more meatier parts of fashion, there are better sites.

Harper’s Bazaar. Like Vogue, it’s easy to navigate and leans more towards the more well-known fashion brands. Pre-covid, they always had a weekly street style recap as well. They have great lists but stay away from the business side of fashion. I typically use Harper’s Bazaar for the street style/every day fashion inspiration and news.

Who What Wear. A great site for following trends. They don’t focus so much on brands, but it’s a great resource for seeing what’s trending and options to buy said trends. For example, Who What Wear is the first place I went when I wanted to find a list of brands who were starting to sell masks.

WWD. Supposedly most designers prefer WWD to Vogue coverage.  And it shows, since parts of the site require a subscription. WWD is one of the more technical sites and could be overwhelming for someone who doesn’t really understand the industry. They talk about the comings-and-goings of creative directors, financial news, and general fashion trends/news. It also has runway recaps and photos, which is typically what I use it for. If you’re really want to be in the know with breaking fashion news, they do offer email newsletters as well for a more condensed version of the site. Also, a super helpful page I’ve had bookmarked, their fashion dictionary.

Business of Fashion.  The name is pretty self-explanatory.  BoF is another one of those meatier sites that could be overwhelming at first. It’s also one that has a subscription service. BoF has great profiles of designers, so I’ve used the site as my starting point when learning about someone new. The BoF500 also showcases anyone and everyone who has a hand in shaping the industry.

The Impression. The cheapest of the subscription sites and the one I had until I cancelled a few months ago (not because it sucked, but, you know…corona). I mainly used them for their runway pictures. They were so fast to upload them, with details and backstage footage. The big draw is the fashion week/runway photography, but the talk about street style, short films and ads from brands, as well as fashion trends. At the end of every fashion week (New York, Milan, Paris, etc.) the put together a recap list of biggest trends, top shows, top models, and break down the numbers. I love the site for its minimalism and whenever the industry decides to have fashion weeks again, I’ll renew my subscription.

Magazines:  Most people would say Vogue is the holy grail for fashion magazines, but I don’t think it’s that great (at least the US version).  Vogue Paris, Italia, and UK are better in my opinion. And just because I don’t think the print version of US Vogue is the holy grail, doesn’t mean I don’t like it.  I have a subscription and read it every month. Other options I really like are Harper’s Bazaar (any country’s version), Elle, InStyle, and W.

Videos: Other than the first one listed (which can be found on Netflix or Hulu, depending where you live), everything can be found on youtube. And now i’m constantly getting fashion recommendations on youtube, so it’s an easy rabbit hole to fall into.

First Monday in May. I’ve talked about this documentary before, but it bears repeating.  It’s a gorgeous journey of how the Met Gala and Costume Institute Exhibit was put together. It’s about the ‘China: Through the Looking Glass’ exhibit in 2015. They interview big designers about how China has influenced some of their collections, and takes on the debate of whether fashion should even be in a museum. It was the first fashion documentary I ever watched and only made me fall more in love with fashion (and want to see every fashion exhibition).

The September Issue. Vogue’s September issues are always the biggest of the year.  This documentary follows the process of designing the famous September issue of Vogue. I believe it was filmed in 2007 or 2008 so it’s dated, and digital media has changed the game, but it’s a good watch to see just how influential and important the September issue is in terms of forecasting fashion trends for the following year.

Savoir Faire: Christian Dior Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2011. A 50 minute video on how one, just one, piece from the couture collection was designed.  It’s a great insight on just how much work goes in to creating a couture collection.

7 Days Out with Karl Lagerfeld. Another great showcase of the week leading up to a couture show, this time with Chanel. The documentary follows the 2018 show, which is one of Lagerfeld’s last few couture shows before his death.

Battle At Versailles: The Competition that Shook the Fashion Industry. It’s no secret that Paris is the epicenter of fashion.  The couture houses are all based there, so France is typically where you needed to be to be a world renowned designer. In 1973 French and American designers competed against each other and brought American designers into the spotlight. There’s an hour long documentary on youtube and there’s a book that I’ve linked below. I’ve seen the video and I’m currently reading the book, so you have options here.

Christian Dior: Designer of Dreams. A good look at the Musée des Arts Décoratifs exhibit for the 70th anniversary of Dior. This documentary gives a nice, condensed look at each of the artistic directors of Dior and showcases some of the most iconic Dior looks. I knew about it, but didn’t go see it. I only saw pictures, which were beautiful…but to see it all come together on video was a dream.  They talk to Celine Dion for a minute at the end, and her words sum up my feelings best about Dior, “I would love to wear one of these dresses one day, maybe in one of my lifetimes, or every night in my dreams.”

Books:

Inside Haute Couture: Behinds the Scenes at the Paris Ateliers. A gorgeous book with tons of photos about the intricacies that go in to a couture collection.

Kate Spade New York: All in Good Taste. I originally bought it for my coffee table collection, but it has some great style tips.

The Battle of Versailles: The Night American Fashion Stumbled into the Spotlight and Made History. Just in case you’d rather read about this legendary fashion show than watch. I’m currently reading it, so I can’t give you my final take on it. But I’m loving it so far.

Dior by Dior: Christian Dior’s autobiography. Who better to tell you about the history of Christian Dior, than Dior himself.

Elsa Schiaparelli: A Biography. I’m a big fan of Schiaparelli and would love for her legacy to be more widely known. She was a very private person, so when this biography dropped I was excited to read more about her. Elsa Schiaparelli was Coco Chanel’s biggest rival and was a household name in her time, but most people know Coco’s name over Elsa’s today. This is a nice dive into Schiaparelli’s life, since most people focus on Chanel’s legacy (and let’s be honest, Chanel is very idolized, which is so unfortunate, given her Nazi ties, but I digress.)

Gods and Kings: The Rise and Fall of Alexander McQueen and John Galliano. I tend to rave about the designs by these two, so it’s a good look into their journey in fashion.

The Beautiful Fall: Fashion, Genuis, and Glorious Excess in 1970s Paris. If you’re interested in Lagerfeld (pre-Chanel days) or Yves Saint Laurent, it’s a great retrospective look at their rivalry.

Champagne Supernovas. If ‘90s fashion is something of interest, this book is a great read on how some big name rebels (McQueen, Marc Jacobs, Kate Moss, etc.) in the industry remade fashion as we know it.

Any of the Met Gala books: Camp: Notes on Fashion, Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty, Manus x Machina, Heavenly Bodies, etc.  My first one was the McQueen book, and at the time I didn’t know it was the official book from the Costume Institute Exhibit.  They’re not all hardcover coffee table-esque books, but if you can’t attend an exhibit it’s the next best thing. They’re all great in-depth resources for learning about a certain area of fashion. They can be expensive, so I wouldn’t suggest investing in them unless you’re truly interested in that specific aspect of the industry. This year’s exhibit - whenever it opens - is About Time: Fashion and Duration.  The exhibition book is already available and I think it’ll be an incredible exhibit of how current designers pull from older designers and trends.

The Fashion Book.  It’s expensive. It’s massive. And it gives you a wealth of information. It’s essentially an encyclopedia for fashion. It’s not just designers; it highlights models, high profile photographers, style icons, and all those who influenced fashion.

I know this was long, but these have been the resources I’ve used over the years. I hope this can help you along your journey and if anyone has other things to add, please do!

[bbrandy2002]

The Fall of Cordonia

Prologue

The Royal Heir AU

Summary: After a failed alliance and inability to secure a marriage pact between their children, King Bradshaw's forces attack and overthrow Liam and Riley's kingdom, leaving death and destruction in his path.

Violence and profanity.

Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Thank you @burnsoslow and @emceesynonymroll for giving me the courage to actually write this.

Auvernal 6:32PM

"Your Majesty, we have received word from General Phillips on the ground....the attack on Cordonia was a resounding success".

With those words, the delighted, King of Auvernal, knew he had dealt a massive blow to the small, neighboring kingdom. This is, however, what happens when your back is against the wall, using power and strength to gain even more. A failed alliance between his country and Cordonia, meant a desperate power grab for it's wealth and prestige was inevitable. Without a military to match, Liam's kingdom was a ticking time bomb.

Bradshaw remained composed as his informant shared the details of the surprise attack, that included toppling, simultaneously, each duchy, the communication grids and the Cordonian capital.

He adjusted his tie and slicked back his perfectly coiffed black hair, feeling an aura of invinsibilty, "And what of the King and Queen?".

"It is assumed they are both dead sir".

King Bradshaw turned confidently from the railing of his balcony, fingers steepled and a slight grin cast on his face, "Perfect......and the package was delivered unharmed to the Princess?".

"It is en route to Monaco as we speak, sir".

****************

Cordonia-Underground Bunker 10:15 PM

A shaky hand tightly grips a bottle of scotch, while his bleary eyes study a picture in the other. Exhaustion, chaos, heartache and defeat had consumed every single fiber of his being and death would be a most merciful dweller. Slumped into the corner of a barely lit room, the weight of his losses had completely engulfed him. How is it possible to lose everything you love and live for in literally the blink of an eye. Was this all a cosmic joke, karma, a way for evil to overpower all the good that he had amassed?

Rubbing his thumb along the photo, his heart hurting more than he could withstand. His lip quivered as he thought about this morning, always a perfect day when one could rise as the sun barely broke through the clouds. He had placed a tender kiss on the temple of the most beautiful woman in the world, his rock and foundation, still sleeping peacefully. Shuffling down the hall, his Saturday routine included surprising his son in the nursery. He could already hear the joyous noise of faint cooing as he approached the door; nothing warmed his heart more than that sound.

Liam begins to sob uncontrollably as he falls listlessly onto his side, the cold concrete floor having no effect on him. The flashes of his son's large smile as he entered the nursery this morning, playing repeatedly like a cruel joke in his troubled mind.

Bastien sat on the floor across from him, two guards stood, heavily armed at the doorway, ready and willing to die for their King. All was quiet and still, except the whimpers of unimaginable pain that escaped Liam's lips and echoed throughout. Bastien knew there were no words to make any of this easier; a country abliterated was one thing, to feel the horror of your wife and baby's absence was another. If there was a way to make decisions, fight back and regain control, it would have to wait; Liam was present physically, but, emotionally he was a fucking mess.

Bastien clutched his communication device, making another attempt to speak with anyone in the outside world, to no avail. He tried to stop himself, yet, his thoughts meandered to the Queen and the young Prince in Valtoria, getting ready for the Lantern Lighting Festival that was scheduled for tomorrow. Riley had left with Nikolas after breakfast this morning, she was like....no...she is like a daughter to me. Bastien swallows hard in an attempt to keep his emotions in check. Getting the initial reports of the destruction on Valtoria was a huge blow, then having to share that news with Liam as Auvernese Forces were approaching the palace, was the most gut wrenching thing he had ever done. If Queen Amalas had not insisted on meeting with Liam this afternoon, he too, would have succumbed to the carnage.

Most of the court was staying in Valtoria in preparation for tomorrow's events. This attack, by Bradshaw, may have effectively eliminated the Cordonian royal line of succession. In his head, Bastien calculated the destruction of the nobility, Olivia, Bertrand, Maxwell, Hakim, Adelaide, Emmaline.....then there was, Drake. Bastien quickly shook his head of this distressing realization; he had to remain focused, he couldn't allow his mind to go there....not yet.

Hours passed before Liam's tears finally ran dry and his cries drifted away. Sleep was not an option, although, it would provide some solace. As the stage of denial and grief shifted, anger was the only emotion he could muster.

Liam pushed himself off the dusty floor, his body so weak from despair and a heavy dose of alcohol, he had to catch himself from falling over. His shouts of curses and rage bounced off the walls of the safe room, his hands sweeping clear a table of supplies.

Bastien watched with a careful eye as the King completely came undone, if he thought for one minute he could stop him, he would, but what was there to do?

Bastien hung his head low, the anguish was too much to witness, even for someone like himself, trained to ignore the emotional aspect of his job. He didn't understand exactly what Liam was dealing with, yet, his imagination took him to a very dark place.

*********

10:15 PM Valtoria

Drake pillaged through the massive rubble of a local dining establishment. A nearby fire from the explosion, lighting his recovery efforts. The blood that poured from the gash in his scalp, had seeped into his eyes, causing his vision to blur and sting. His brute strength was doubled by pure adrenaline and fear, as he lifted heavy beams and sheet rock.

A river of red flowed by his feet and his heart pounded; Drake was never one to pray, but, as he moved a large piece of ceiling, he did just that. The mangled body was almost indescernable, but, the waiter uniform was sadly, a relief for him.

"Beaumont!.....Brooks!....Olivia!.....can you all hear me?".

Everything happened in slow motion, he last recalled the drinks, laughing, the witty banter between he and Olivia. He remembers Brooks calling the nanny to check on the baby, when she heard shouting and gunshots in the background. As she rose in panic to her feet, a sudden blast occurred that collapsed the building, scattering his friends to who knows where.

Drake removed his shirt and held it to his wounded head; he wasn't prepared to give up, but, didn't know where to start looking. He decided that anything he did was better than nothing.

His eyes suddenly shift behind him as a pile of debris begins to erupt; he steadily makes his way to it, assisting whomever was buried underneath. "Maxwell? Is that you?", Drake yelled out.

With a weakened voice, "Yeah....I'm stuck under something....I can't...I can't move it".

Drake sighs out in relief, knowing that at least one of friends was alive and accounted for. "Don't worry....I'm going to get you out okay? Just hang tight".

He works diligently as he clears the pile until he is able to see Maxwell, his legs trapped under a wooden beam and covered in blood from broken glass and splinters. Another patron, who was able to free himself, helped Drake lift the broken beam from Maxwell and pull him out to safety.

"Maxwell....do you have any idea where Brooks is at?".

Maxwell's sad eyes darted to a point ten feet away and he gestures in that direction, "She was thrown over there."

Drake and the other man step carefully to the location Maxwell pointed out and began cautiously clearing it away. Within minutes, much to his horror, Mara's lifeless body was discovered, and under her, the Queen of Cordonia. Drake immediatly dropped to his knees, his heart falling into the pit of his stomach, "Oh, Brooks".

*********

3:00 AM-Monaco

Princess Marguerite is awakened from her peaceful slumber. She eagerly gathers her robe and hustles to her bedroom door; once open, her eyes immediatly light up at the servant waiting for her.

With anticipation, she holds her arms out. Once satisfied, with the delivery, she dismisses her servant and closes the door.

She gently walks to the other side of her room; sitting on the edge of the bed.

She bounces the baby boy on her knees and smiles at his sleepy face, before speaking to him in baby talk "your daddy and mommy are not going to be happy about this.....oh no, no, no, they're not". After a brief pause, she chuckles to herself, "what am I saying...they're both dead....they'll never even know, you're my little boy now".

[ngame989]

SVTFOE 4A Prediction/Analysis Master Post

So we just had the first two episodes come out, and overall I enjoyed them. There’s been a lot of mixed reactions to the details, from myself included, so let’s dive in a bit. Apologies for when this becomes a giant wall of text in the back half, I'm not digging through promos for images.

Butterfly Follies

In the first episode, 98% of it is focused on Star feeling like shit because Moon is missing and nothing she does to try and find her works, and other people keep telling her she is screwing it up. Yeah, many of us thought this theme of “Star screwing up” would extend a bit more concretely to stuff with Marco and Tom, and it was present but only a tiny bit as a reminder. Her interaction with Tom was basically just a reminder that the situation from after Booth Buddies hadn’t budged - Star still was barely paying attention to him, Tom was still not really a companion to her at all, it just isn’t working, but they haven’t talked about it yet.

Tomstar has always had the candy coating of a romantic relationship (nicknames, handholding, occasional smooching, gossip and drama, etc) with virtually nothing underneath. We see this over and over - Demoncism has a genuine emotional connection between them in that moment, but once their relationship starts up again, it takes until Is Another Mystery for even a hint of true, genuine support between them, and it still doesn’t extend to either of them considering the other as a life companion at all. Most of it is going through the motions for both of them. When everyone’s lives were on the line, Tom stepped up, but this doesn’t immediately make him Marco 2 - the issues that existed before, the lack of commitment and drive between them (still candy-coated by nicknames and whatnot) is as present as ever, and arguably more so, now that Star has the events of the end of S3 dwelling somewhere in the recesses of her mind. Plus we get a moment of Tom checking in with Marco about Star’s comment, showing once again that Marco is the one Tom actually turns to for genuine support.

Contrast that with Starco in these episodes. Yes, it’s not magically perfect, there’s still lots of stuff to resolve and many people (myself included) have felt that it was a bit “off” (more on that soon). But there’s still a genuine sense of progression, where Marco is comfortable being close with Star again, being emotional support, even if he doesn’t always know how to help.

As predicted, Eclipsa’s style of ruling has mostly been “make disliking monsters entirely illegal because that’s Equality™” and it’s not working out so well for true social change. I expect this to be a major plot point moving forward.

Honestly, I dunno what all to make of the details of Glossy’s lines here. Considering the situation with Toffee was pretty explicitly Glossaryck’s intentional method of teaching Star how to do things her own way, this definitely isn’t literal. Maybe he’s playing 4D chess, and Star questioning whether Glossaryck was misleading her is all part of how he leads her. There’s a... nonzero chance, I suppose, that there is some more direct connection here and trying to fix past mistakes (since time travel is brought up very shortly) but I’d be incredibly shocked and largely appalled if that’s where things actually head.

(Skipping around on photos a bit here to just get the point across)

So let’s talk about this for a moment, shall we? I’ve seen a lot of talk about this photo and how it’s really sketchy that Star apparently knew it was from the future the whole time, given its past importance in Starcrushed. Granted, we don’t know exactly how it’s going to pay off yet, but I’ll take a strong educated guess - it’s basically a gag because the writers thought it would be fun. A relevant gag and kind of an asspull, yes, but still just a gag. Yes, the photo is now factually from the future and will be relevant again in that capacity, but I’m entirely convinced that the point of it wasn’t to intentionally retcon something about Starcrushed or anything like that - a meaningful photo of Star and Marco was used in Season 2 to generically remind her of their “good times” and their relationship as a whole, and that same photo was used here as a promise of happiness to come, and the primary purpose of the photo in each case is how it was written for that case.

I know it’s not a satisfying explanation, but it is entirely consistent with this show to have details occur that are largely arbitrary and inconsistent, and there’s a consistency to that inconsistency. Adult Marco is another example, Janna implying Kelly maybe had feelings for Marco in Stump Day is another, any time Star yeeted a high school student into some pit of horrors is another. All of these are situations where, if you examine them thoroughly as a whole and consider all the possible implications, they get kind of sketchy really fast. Yes, it is frustrating at times, but I think you just have to roll with it - Marco has memories of a 30 year old when the boarders want to make a cool reference before Marco does a bunch of fancy weapon tricks, but it never affects his normal existence unless it’s needed for a joke/reference. Janna says something that implies complicated romance drama incoming when the boarders want girly banter to accompany dudes fighting, but it doesn’t go anywhere beyond that. Star has a body count on Earth but she’s not a wanted criminal, probably. The consistency here is that if the show kind of glosses over some sort of possible implication and plays it off for a gag, then that’s what you should take it as.

Again, I don’t know exactly how this will pay itself off, but I have an incredibly strong suspicion that the answer to “what were the boarders thinking when they did this??? It screws up a core moment in Starcrushed!!!” is that they weren’t thinking about that. COULD they actually do something more in-depth with the time travel aspect? I guess, but “throwing organic core moments of character/relationship growth under the bus for the sake of wacky over-the-top plot” sounds like the opposite of this show. I’ll cover more about how I think this might actually work later.

A lot of people said Star and Marco felt like acquaintances this episode, and not best friends. I understand where they’re coming from - there weren’t all kinds of hugs and affection flying around, their talks were awkward. But this honestly makes a lot of sense for where we’re at now. We’re completely over the hump where they they're hesitant to even think of themselves as best buddies, where they’re struggling with their feelings just to spend time with the other. Marco is back to making all attempts to be her close friend and companion and support, Star is comfortable around him... but, there’s still some lingering “OK we moved forward from here, what now?” We saw in Divide that a simple hug between them brought out strong feelings for both of them. I think a lot of the awkwardness remaining could be attributed to the strong sour mood of the situation overall, but part of it could also be a subconscious “OK, Marco confessing his feelings made things better, and we’re OK being close, but...” lingering, waiting to be addressed. And given pancake and cereal clips, it will be soon.

Escape from the Pie Folk

I have less to say about this episode, it was fairly straightforward, honestly. It was 22 minutes of adventure and fights while trying to find and steal away Moon - lot of really fun and well-executed humor, it definitely was a strong showing for pretty much all the parts of the show besides “focus on the relationship growth of Star and Marco”.

More Marco trying to be constantly supportive, but still maybe having a bit of lingering tension in the how.

And sweet family moments.

Overall, a very isolated situation, honestly. The actions and interactions of the characters were put in a very specific, very focused situation where “finding Moon” overrode anything else, and didn’t allow for much other special elements to shine through. I liked the episodes, but some part of me was disappointed that most developments besides Moon were put on pause for the premiere. Still, resolving this in its entirety straight away sets up for some pretty strong coverage of the rest...

INTERMISSION

Let’s take a moment to talk about compartmentalization and the rules of TV pacing. I love Star vs the Forces of Evil, and I’m sure many of you do, even if its infuriating and painful at times. A lot of times. But I definitely think the show is special and does things differently than many others, to an extent. And that extent is key - I like to think of it as content vs structure. Content-wise, it is rather different from what you might expect (especially with character/relationship development). Characters come first, always, and there isn’t a sense of outside drama pushing characters around like ragdolls, changing their relationships and emotions in ways that they aren’t already naturally primed to at that moment. Romance isn’t handled as a drama-fest love triangle, with Star and Jackie or Tom and Marco directly vying for the affection of their love interest, nor do those love triangles ever damage the development of the main dynamic, Starco. Basically every shift in Star and Marco’s relationship, the ebbs and flows of it, can be entirely explained by just the two of them. Yes, seeing the other be romantic with someone else was a partial catalyst to individual moments of growth, but by and large Star and Marco themselves have been their own biggest obstacles, their own insecurities and missteps guiding the path of Starco 1000x more than Jarco or Tomstar or plot.

However, this doesn’t mean the show is magically free of the confines of episodic story pacing, and that’s where people often find faults in it. Many, including myself, went into the premiere thinking/hoping that it would include some relationship payoff, or skip some steps and just have Tom and Star break it off right away. And while anyone is free to disagree with the general concept of the premiere being entirely focused on Moon and plot setup, it’s completely logical for the show to take its development in concrete, compartmentalized chunks. An episode dedicating itself to a theme, to a concrete piece of plot, is likely going to focus on that. And this can be nuanced - I don’t think it was wrong of people to think that Follies could have had a theme of “Star confronted with her screwups” in a broader way that included multiple aspects of that, but it doubled down on Moon and it’s totally understandable that she didn’t take time during her hunt to figure out her feelings, etc. Still, it included reminders of the current situation, and we’ll see those pay off very soon. It’s not so reasonable to expect the show to bend over backwards to steamroll through Starco development right away, but it’s also unreasonable to expect no chunks of development at all, or for them to stop randomly. 

More specifically, the way the episodic structure handles these chunks is to follow up underlying buildup with inevitable realizations. It’s very, very rare for an episode that confronts a character with a specific question (e.g. “How do I feel about my Earth life” - Marco in Sophomore Slump, or “How do I feel about Marco” - Star in Starcrushed) to actually have the emotional development required to understand it occur within that episode. Star isn’t confronted with her crush on Marco until it’s developed enough to be ready to burst out. Marco isn’t confronted with his priorities in life until he’s experience enough of a bold, adventurous life with Star that his heart has already decided, and in both cases it’s a matter of a climactic wake-up call to what’s already there. On that note, onto predictions.

Moon Remembers

Well, I dunno much specific to say about this. Seems like this will be the episode dedicated to trying to get Moon her memory back - we have scenes from the promos of them riding warnicorns and Eclipsa playing guitar with her, maybe just trying to jog it. Could lead to some type of plot revelation (”I remember something big I saw in the Realm of Magic!” etc) but who knows. Seems likely that it’s entirely plot/Moon-focused, maybe with some more tie-ins to magic lore.

Swim Suit

This is a big one. So from the synopsis, we know that this is when Star and Marco attempt to have their beach day (which we now know is a celebration of things being “back to normal”, with Moon being back) but get interrupted by Eclipsa. I don’t know specifics of it, but in general, I think this is going to be the episode where Star truly settles in to an understanding of how she feels.

Quick tangent about the photo and how I think it’ll be used: in Follies, it was primarily encouragement for finding her mom. It’s still definitely interesting, and intentional, that the particular reminder of future happiness is a time with Marco, but it wasn’t relevant immediately - I think it will be used that way moving forward. Basically like this - “I kept this photo as encouragement to think positively and know I’d find my Mom. We found Mom, so now I can be happy like in the photo. It feels really good being happy with Marco like I am in the photo. Huh, I wonder why it is that my ideal of happiness is having fun with Marco...” Clearly the underlying feelings are already there, this is just bringing them to the forefront, actually giving Star a chance to reflect on how her heart feels after recent weeks/months and big events. As for specifics, I think they won’t actually take the photo here. They’ll try to have a beach day, get interrupted, and throughout the course of Eclipsa shenanigans, the episodic plot will tie in towards thinking about her feelings, with the end result being a “well, we didn’t achieve Beach Happiness™, but it was still nice.” We already know that an Earth beach is in episode 16, so maybe the photo comes full circle then (and at that point, they’re completely together already, and the photo is spontaneous). Or maybe I’m wrong, but who knows, this is a level of specificity I can’t predict with any confidence.

Also note here that, provided animation studio order stays consistent as expected, the cereal/pancake/babysitting Meteora scenes aren’t actually from Swim Suit, so who knows where those end up.

Overall, my general expectations for this episode are to set the stage for Starco developments, to start the ball rolling on payoff from last season and to start characters recognizing those changes and truly moving forward. Of course Tomstar is likely not going away officially until Lake House Fever, so I don’t exactly expect Star and Marco to talk about their feelings in depth here, but it’ll still be an important episode for Starco regardless.

Ransomgram

Alright, let’s just make something clear here. Yes, we already know Star is going to be fawning over adult Marco’s hot bod here, and very likely before breaking up with Tom. I know a lot of people are gonna find that sketchy, and I don’t entirely disagree, but adult Marco (and Star thirsting after hot dudes in general) has always been a gag never treated with any real serious weight. Both Jarco and Tomstar overall, but especially Tomstar, never really ever are treated with any true weight in the story. Like, yes, it’s acknowledged that Marco and Star kissing while she’s dating Tom are bad, but none of the moments of Marco abandoning Jackie to be with Star, or Star ignoring Tom to be with Marco, or Tom being a really unhelpful/unsupportive boyfriend, are ever treated with any real gravity. In the real world, perhaps these would be frowned upon much more even in weaker relationships, but in the show, “Star and Tom are dating” is taken as a given in the background, and none of the actions that characters take are really ever truly treated seriously as hurtful. So yes, on some level it’s weird and questionable that Star will be drooling over Marco (again) while STILL not talking to Tom, but Compartmentalization™ and the general lack of concern for treating the possible implications of situations like this seriously add up to explain it. Feel however you want about it, but this is how I expect it to work, because it’s how it’s worked in the past.

MHC is gonna come back here, and there might be a connection to the monster side of the plot, figuring out where the old guard fits in with the new regime and how politics are moving forward. Also, as far as Starco goes, I think this will be a sort of emotional payoff to Swim Suit. Not that anything tangible will result within the episode, but showing the differences in how Star acts around Marco when she’s actually admitting to herself that she loves him. Just like how Marco Jr., for instance, showed a very clear and different Starco interaction than 3A episodes, as a result of the concrete development moments in Deep Dive. Or how their interactions in Divide were very clearly the result of changes in Booth Buddies. So on and so forth.

All of this, then, leads into...

Lake House Fever

So this is where Tomstar finally rots. We have all-but-confirmation from animation studios, hints in the title, and background/SFX “leaks” that this is where the Tom and Star clips in the promos are from. So how exactly might this work? I can’t even say for sure, but I think it’s going to follow the usual trend of Tomstar episodes and basically be a vehicle for Tom development. Let’s face it, Star basically got nothing out of Tomstar besides a general passive armor against having to contemplate heartbreak/feelings since Tom filled the checkbox of “romance” in her life. She initially at least did truly fulfill the role of “normal teenage girlfriend” by spending time with him, dates, etc, but that started to wane after Lava Lake Beach and kept doing so more and more, and it’s now basically at the point of Tomstar being a couple in name only, with 0 effort between either of them put into actually... being anything. 

Let’s compare to Sophomore Slump for a minute, shall we? So in that episode, we had Marco who had undergone a ton of previous developments in how much he cared about adventure and a greater purpose in life and Star, and his heart had already basically made up its mind (Scent of a Hoodie’s ending and wearing the cape in Rest in Pudding, as clear signs of this). Sophomore Slump was the direct reality check, the final piece of the puzzle slotting into place, at least with regards to specifically “where he’d rather be” (even if the why still needed a bit more). So we could say, in effect, that Marco had fully developed everything underneath to answer the question of what mattered more to him, the old safe kid Marco’s ideal Earth life, or the new Marco’s life, and the breakup was simply everything that was already there clicking into place - he moves to Mewni immediately afterwards.

So how does this fit into Lake House Fever? I think the positioning of the episode is going to revolve around Star’s “growth” from it to work like Marco’s. In the Jarco case, the breakup wasn’t about Starco specifically, but Marco’s overall goals and focuses in life (Star was a part of that too, of course). It’s fairly clear that the Tomstar breakup will be different - the tension in their relationship is FAR more directly related to Starco itself (and also a much greater overall dysfunction within Tomstar compared to Jarco). It’s not a case of “this is a perfectly working relationship but it’ll eventually have issues, so let’s end it before we both become miserable”, it’s “this relationship isn’t working at all right now, for multiple reasons, among which are that Star prioritizes/loves someone else, but also general incompatibilities between them for committed companionship”. 

I think on Star’s end of things, we’re going to enter the episode with her knowing, very close to the surface if not on the surface already, that she has feelings for Marco and they need to talk, but will just have the one last hesitation holding her back. Not a “I genuinely don’t know who I like/whether I want to keep going longterm with Tom”, but a “this overall situation needs resolved and I just don’t know exactly how to handle it”. From the very limited info we have from the title/promo (no synopsis yet), it seems like Star might be helping Tom with something - he kind of looked ill in the promos. Regardless, I still sort of predict a semi-arbitrary episodic plot leads them to meet up in the episode. Give em a reason to interact that isn’t directly related to awkward and complex feelings, and let the handling of those naturally evolve from there. 

So as for Tom, I think the bulk of the change in this episode will be on his end. I think he’s going to sort of have an attitude not too dissimilar to Star - knowing they should talk at some point, but not really knowing how. I think the bulk of the episode’s plot, whatever it may be, will lead up towards Tom getting the wakeup call that it 100% won’t work and that he needs to pull the trigger on it. It would give Tom a really solid moment to follow up on some of his initial moments in Season 3, would give him some critical agency when he honestly hasn’t had much of it for a while (Starco developments just kind of happen around him, although of course his general lack of presence in Star’s life contributes to this as well - Star’s a fairly absentee girlfriend, but Tom’s no angel either). Getting over that initial hump of awkwardness would still accomplish things for both of them, but Tom being the one to first make the leap of faith into starting the uncomfortable conversation would fit best imo.

As for afterwards, much like how I said Jarco was the final puzzle piece for Marco decisively figuring out his priorities, I think this will be the same for Star’s feelings. She’ll be aware, nearly-consciously, that she has feelings for Marco ahead of time, but will just be stuck on inaction, not being confident enough to take a bold step forward on her own. So I think the breakup for Star’s feelings will do what the breakup did for Marco’s sense of accomplishment - the final domino will not only help her realize that she has feelings for Marco, but prime her to actually act on them.

Now if this breakup occurred earlier, I’d say it could have a major impact on Star’s own growth and understanding, and it still could, but I don’t think it’ll be so likely. There are certainly situations where the breakup would serve as a shakeup for her to consider her feelings, which would then take some more time afterwards to solidify, but I can’t help but assume that’s what the purpose of multiple Starco episodes beforehand is. The situation is too much of a powderkeg for Star to have any downtime with either of them that doesn’t start turning the gears in her brain. Anyway, that’s all for this.

Eps 5-7

Yada Yada Berries/Down by the River

The Ponyhead Show!/Surviving the Spiderbites

Out of Business/Kelly’s World

These, I have no clue on specifics, to be honest. There’s an RDK Ludo episode coming up, so that would be part of episode 5 most likely. Second half of that seems like a River episode contender, but who knows. The first half of episode 6 is some type of variety show involving Eclipsa in part - this may be part of the plot of Eclipsa trying to find her place as Queen. Spiderbites is a possible contender for the babysitting Meteora clip, the first half of episode 7 is Quest Buy with the Ocrams, and Kelly’s World is something with Marco and Kelly. We’ll circle back to these, but let’s look at broader strokes first.

Curse of the Blood Moon

I’m entirely confident that by the end of this episode (at the latest) Starco will be 100% canon, ready to move forward into Season 4 as a couple, romantic uncertainties behind them. It’s the only possible next “big” step in their development, one that was set up very directly in Booth Buddies with the idea that things were different now and they could no longer ignore their friendship meaning more than friendship. I’m sure it will be tied in to Starco relationship progress, but as I’ve said many times before, it’s entirely out of the realm of how this show handles development as a whole to actually prioritize plot over characters and obstruct character development with plot. The “Curse”, whatever it may be, could very well be activated by Starco itself, but it’s entirely out of line with everything the show has ever done with characterization to actually claim plot is “forcing” feelings, capisce?

Now how could this be accomplished? Well, given the pacing of the show in general, concrete chunks of development along the way seem most likely. And Star and Marco acknowledging the stronger nature of their relationship and stepping over the edge towards mutual romance, to me, seems like a different piece of the puzzle than something so strong as becoming 100% canon forever. After all, Bonbon for Jarco still had a Naysaya before it, a setup with clear and direct Jarco moments nudging it over the edge of romantic before going the whole way. Similarly, Tomstar had Demoncism before they officially confirmed they were a couple a few episodes later. 

Curse is definitely going to be a big episode, but I don’t see it being very likely that we entire the episode with the entire prospect of Star and Marco talking about their feelings still completely looming over them. Another major reason I have to believe this, which is in some ways related to the above point, is that the show doesn’t overly fetishize romance. It’s all-too-common in media, especially family-friendly/kid media with romance, to warp the whole concept and make the “confession + big kiss + happily ever after” one monolithic moment at the very end, as the pinnacle of romance, often going so far as to delay natural developments and put roadblocks of misunderstanding in the way to keep the pair apart until both could have this moment. SVTFOE, on the other hand, historically hasn’t done this. It has always, thus far, recognized the ebbs and flows and slower progression of natural relationships, with steps in between “I guess we might like each other” to “yup we’re 100% dating”. So I can’t guarantee anything about the specific pacing along the way, but I’d wager that Starco has already crossed the threshold into mutual romance before Curse begins.

I have genuinely no idea what the plot will be here overall. We have a shot from the promo which is a newly animated version of the Blood Moon Waltz... flashback? Recreating the event? Time travel? I hope not the last one, but I have no clue.

So circling back around, we have the cereal, pancake, and babysitting Meteora scenes which (as far as I can tell, assuming animation studio order holds) are unaccounted for. There’s... I suppose a nonzero chance for a huge curveball, with some of them being Lake House Fever? Star wears the new S4 outfit in cereal/pancake as well as then, and they’re all Sugarcube. Another option I’d been considering was for Surviving the Spiderbites to be their attempt to spend time together, either resulting in feelingstalk or being the result of feelingstalk and tiptoeing into romance, with the cereal/pancake scenes being about trying to have a good “date” but getting interrupted... which is now the plot of Swim Suit, so I don’t know. Quest Buy has always, historically, involved heavy Starco importance, so perhaps that episode is a leadin to Curse on that front. Note that either everyone actually thinking Kelly’s World (and their baking scene in Ponyhead Show) is actually implying more love triangles is wrong, or the writers officially gave up and we can all go home.

As a note, I’m of course not really making any bold claims of confidence in the minutiae of these predictions: there’s so many options for curveballs that I can’t say anything for sure! But I think, in a general sense, the path of Starco buildup towards and through Curse is a sure thing, one way or another, because there’s basically nothing else meaningful that could happen!

Hope you enjoyed the read, and stay tuned for any new updates we get on future episodes.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Link to my masterlist for earlier chapters or other stuff I've written

His Queen

Part 3

Bri ripped open the letter, amazed it was handwritten and in cursive! Knowing Roman, he had an assistant write it, but she felt a warmth in her chest knowing he’d truly loved her all along.

To My Queen, Briana Godfrey,

(Admit it! That sounds way better than Tucker, have the lawyers change it.)

Oh, and before I get into it, I wrote this myself. No assistants, so fuck you for thinking it.

Bri smiled a sad smile at how they still knew how the other thought.

I have to start off by saying thank you for reading this letter. That means you're at the white tower. I don't deserve you. I've turned into everything I never wanted to become. Everything you made me believe I could escape. You are the light to my darkness and I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I don’t have a lot of time, but I needed a plan in case I fail. You’re the only person I trust with my company, my money, my daughter, my legacy, my heart, all of it. I am an absolute crack head level blood addict, and I couldn’t trust myself when we got overly emotional to keep my head. Because I love you so much, you can make me so upset, and That last fight we got into, I scared myself. I don’t blame you for slapping me, but to hold back from returning the blow, I literally broke my own hand... but this is not what this letter is about.

Peter and my sick half-sister Annie have stolen my daughter. Peter is hell-bent on destroying me because he killed Destiny's trash fiance, and lied about it, so she blamed me and attacked me and I hurt her bad enough to foresee issues with peter, so I broke her neck to avoid problems figuring it was showing her some mercy since she was heartbroken. Annie was there and when I refused to carry on an incestuous relationship with her, she turned on me and told Peter about Destiny. So he came after me and fucking shot me, we fought and I won, but didn't cut his head off so I knew he’d be fine. Well, he calls me and has my kid and won't turn her over, and says he's going to kill me so even though I doubt it, Nadia needs someone to raise her, and if I'm killed it's not my whore of a sister Annie. I need you to find Nadia and take her home and raise her as she deserves. She’s such a sweet baby and she adores you.

Find Shelley and she can help you maybe. She’s in love with this weird old poet and chooses to live at the old steel mill. Calls it Rooster Poop. Can’t make this shit up.

The entire security team is trying to find Nadia, so contact them and see where they’re at with it.

you are the love of my life and I refused to ever say so, even though we both knew it was true. I would bullshit and say it’s cuz I was saving you from myself, but I’m not that fucking noble. You scared me more than anything ever scared me in my life. God, it's great to admit I love you. Like I need to make up a new word for how I feel for you cuz love isn’t strong enough.

there’s a pretty poem I saw that reminded me of you;

I’d still choose you.

In a hundred lifetimes,

in a hundred worlds,

in any version of reality,

I’d find you and I’d choose you.

Even though I knew you were going to break my heart again and again.

I’d still choose you.

It’s crazy how happy I am writing you a letter, even with every aspect of my life in shambles, you’re my light.

You get everything. Fuck all of them. You were right about everything. If I survive this shit, I am winning you back if it takes 100 years and I have to spend every cent. This is literally a reset.

I tried to forget your baby girl but I never could. No amount of drugs, money, blood, or bullshit could ever distract me from the constant ache in my heart for only you. You’re the only pussy I ever wanna see again. I ran thru a fantastic amount of pussy after you left and none of them made me forget you for even a moment. I pictured you or I could not get off. It was pathetic. I hope I get to see you again and rip up this fucking letter.

I looked back over this and there’s a reason I have other people write shit up for me. A few requests to seriously consider:

-->Blitzky should take over for Pryce. Not only is he a genius, he's a good guy. He's a bit soft, so you may have to be the bad guy.

-->Get a new nanny. The current one looks good on paper but she's an idiot.

--> Live in the white tower. It's secure and safe and you can make as many floors as you like home.

--> if an animal killed me, it's Peter and he's still a wolf. He’ll be white. Kill him, cut off his head and burn him up in the incinerator.

--> if Annie comes around at all, kill her. She's very manupulative and acts religious and nice. She's crazy and not to be trusted.

-->try and convince Shelley to live in the mansion and have her little homeless community there. She doesn't care about money but she cares about people, so offer it as a safe haven. Make sure it stays stocked in necessities like toilet paper, soap, cleaning materials, etc and write it all off as a charity contribution. Make the whole endeavor a big tax write off, but don't tell Shelley that part. Just tell her it was my dying wish she had a home.

--> the loser she's with has legal problems. Have the legal department solve them so he's got no reason to desert her.

-->if Peters mom comes sniffing around, don't tell her a damn thing. I doubt she will tho, she's a wanted fugitive.

--> don't trust any gypsies.

--> Nadia is very intelligent. She can read minds, influence dreams, and kill anyone or anything just by looking at them. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed around animals or people until she can understand the concept of death and consequences. There's no way to control her, I have found.

--> I promised a homeless man I ate that id pay for his sons school. Anonymously pay for Mathew Shandwicks classes, books and dorm at Penn State for all 4 years. His father traded his life without a single complaint so it's imperative you keep my word.

-->make sure Nadia isn't a spoiled brat like me. Teach her about her mother and her father and all the good things about us. Leave out we were related if you can swing it. Just say we were young and loved each other very much. I enclosed a pack of photos of me and Letha for her.

I wonder what you’re wearing... That reminds me; if I’m really dead, you have to be in mourning at least two years. That means all black suits and dresses that cover you up, black nails, big black hats like you just left a Catalina Yacht Mixer or you’re going to a royal wedding. I even got you black lab coats just in case.Don’t half ass this. It’s important.

Also I want “Fuck you” by the Archives played at my funeral, if it comes to that.

Hopefully, you never see this letter because I got everything fixed here, and went and found you and you ran into my arms and we lived happily ever after, and I have a whole lifetime with you... But just in case...

All my love,

Roman Godfrey

P.s. - since you're a genius, hopefully you can fix me or bring me back. I hope you still love me even 10% as much as I love you, because then nothing can stop us.

Brianna stared at the page as her tears fell on it swirling the ink in designs and spirals. She knew he’d always loved her, but it was bittersweet seeing him finally admit it. She took the photos out of the envelope and looked through them.

Looking through the pictures was heart-wrenching. There had to be a way to fix all this! She tried to remember everything she’d learned about Upirs from that dreadful Russian women and Pryce. Luckily they’d been a bit of an obsession for her that she delved into when Roman pulled his shit. Being obsessed with Upirs had distracted her from obsessing over the real issue.

Just as she started to wonder when Mueller and Edwards would be back, as if by magic, the elevator doors opened. They had brought Dr. Blitzkey with them as well.

“Oh my gosh! You’re alive! I’m so happy to see you’re ok and still here!” Bri said as she ran up and embraced Blitzky. “Where is Roman? I need to see him.”

Blitzky looked at the ground nervously before meeting your eyes. “It’s not fixable.”

“No matter. I just NEED to see him. Please?” She begged.

“Okay. He has several severe traumatic injuries so please prepare yourself for that.”

“What happened to him?”

“Some Type of animal attacked him in the old mansion and pushed him out the upper story window, fracturing his spine and neck which most likely left him paralyzed and vulnerable. His throat and heart were then ripped out.”

“Peter.” Bri said darkly. He was going to pay for his betrayal. She would make sure of that.

“I mean that’s the most logical conclusion but after all Roman did for that little degenerate, ” Blitzky muttered.

Bri nodded solemnly.

“Hate to interrupt your happy little party but we have several forms that need immediate attention, to get this shit show back on the road,” Edwards interjected.

“They’ll have to wait till after I see Roman. You lead the way Blitzkey, you two stay here.” She said firmly stepping into the elevator with the doctor. Both lawyers looked furious but did as they were told since they were honestly intimidated by this young woman that had all this piled on her, and seemed unfazed.

As soon as the doors closed she sank to her knees and screamed. The tears came flooding out of her eyes as her body was wracked by sobs. It’s like she’d been hit by a truck. The realization that Roman was really gone finally sinking in.

Blitzky didn’t know what he should do. He was a genius, but completely clueless when it came to social and interpersonal skills. He hesitantly patted Bri on the head like a golden retriever, unsure how long was comforting so he just kept doing it. “You’re strong.”

Bri glanced up at Blitzky through her foggy tears and couldn't help but agree. She WAS strong.

The elevator opened to their floor as she looked down at the floor.

“Well” Blitzkey peeped, unsure of what to do, “this is it.”

“We have to fix him Blitzkey. There’s got to be a way.” she said rising to her feet, as if the little display he just witnessed never happened.

“You’re the boss.” Blitzky said as cheerful as he could muster.

“I’m giving you Pryce’s position. I trust you.”

“Thank you! I wasn't sure if maybe you'd want to take charge.... What will you do? Take over for Roman?”

“Until I can bring him back, I guess I’ll have to. I will bring him back Blitzkey.... If I have to make a deal with the Devil himself.” Bri stated adamantly before setting off down the hall like a woman possessed.

[sunshinee-sunflowerr]

When I saw this I was immediately triggered and that’s how I knew I had to share it. Other than the fact that it is important as fuck to share something like this. But the second part of that post almost aligns with what had happened to me with my ex Dan. I have issues with sexual dysfunction and tend to lose feeling down there and that leaves me feeling betrayed by my own body. I feel so worthless and pathetic already as it is when it happens because I’m sensitive and it is humiliating when I start to cry. I don’t even get to like fully enjoy something so intimate because I’m a very passionate person and I love all types of deep connection. And he ruined it. It had stopped being such a beautiful thing for me. The second I asked him to stop and that I had mentioned I wasn’t enjoying it, he became the person I didn’t think he could truly ever be. He laid down on me. Like I’m talking all of his weight was on me, and he whined about how good it felt to stay in me and finish. I felt nothing and everything all at the same time, I wasn’t being heard, I was just a body, and I didn’t matter anymore. This was someone who was stronger than me. This was someone who I loved and straight up disrespected me to the point where I myself are in a traumatic position, I had to literally match his thrusts just so he’d come faster because I knew that was the only safe way to get him off of me. And that was humiliating and violating. I had no other choice. And to this day this man still tries to say he didn’t rape me but SIR WHEN YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING RAPIST. YOU IGNORED MY PLEAS AND MADE ME FEEL SO UNSAFE AND I FELT LIKE MY BODY WASN’T EVEN FUCKING MINE ANYMORE. YOU GAVE ME PTSD FOR ALL THE OTHER FUCKED UP TIMES THAT I HAD LET SLIDE BECAUSE I FELT COERCED INTO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. And what had haunted me every time I wanted to go somewhere, I had to take my car. It happened in my car. I had to drive myself after that with cum dripping down my legs. I had to see a flashback every time my mind drifted towards the back. I will never EVER let myself be in that position again. Dan broke me. I’m the one who pulled myself out and I’m still healing.

It was from 2016 and trauma tells no time, I’m lucky I don’t feel the weight of your body still pinning me down during intimate times. I saw you in the faces of whoever was on top of me. I would get panic attacks and cry. You fucking ruined me and my trust and I will ruin you if you ever dare try to come into my life again.

The Relationship Aspect:

Not many people know about the sleep fucking, or when you would take my thumb out of my mouth when I was asleep because I still had some hard time sleeping so I would suck my thumb sometimes and you would replace your it with your dick and then ejaculate down my throat and I'd wake up to such a horrible taste. My inner child does scream for she was only 15-17 and I let it slide because you had so much power over me and I did so much to make you happy even though it didn't make me happy myself. Let's not forget when I wasn't in the mood sometimes so you would turn around away from me with no sound nothing and straight up fell asleep because I said no or that I don't want to have sex with you. And then there were times where you would sexualize me, you would look up my skirt or you would look at my pants and tell me about my panty lines and basically scare me and make feel little. You were constantly pointing them out and laughing, conditioning me even to never wear comfy underwear, I have more thongs than any type of other underwear. And now I'm finally getting used to wearing normal underwear again just because I was felt like someone was doing the same shit that you did to me. I felt grimy. And let's not forget when you would steal my panties and you would bring them home and jerk off in them and cum in them and to top it all off you would bring them back to my house and throw them in my dirty laundry so they can be washed so you can repeat that cycle. And the worst part is that you probably took some before we broke up and I never got them back. Fuck you. How about all those times you never asked if you could cum in me but you still did even though I fucking hated it, and you’d get mad at me when your sheets were ruined because of you the mess you made in me and I still fucking hate it it's only such a rare occasion for me to ever let that happen during any intimate moment now. Also let's not forget your greediness for my photos. My naked photos that you kept to get off to even after we broke up and still demanded more and other shit when I was with someone else it was disgusting.

The Party:

Oh here’s a memory that’s gonna be fucking me soon, once late October arrives I’m going to be thinking about that night I decided to try and most past you. That fucking college party was the biggest gray area that was so painful and smoggy. It was grey because I was still figuring my shit out and mentally screwed up from the actions of you. I'll never forget, how are used to feel guilty and how are used to blame myself for all of this. And I got to a point where we had mutual friends and I just wanted to forget all about it and learn to forgive you. As soon as ready, Matt and I went to that party that Anthony was throwing and you were there, and you had no problem laughing off your drunk ass I front of me about rape jokes. If I hadn't been high and Matt being so drunk we would've left and I remember calling my mom in the hallway crying telling her about that little part of what happened that night. And then later that night you got so fucking drunk, made everybody your babysitter and I still fucking hate myself for the side you brought out even though you caused me so much harm. You brought out my fucking maternal side which I hated because like I said in that moment of time it wasn’t black or white for me, it was grey. It was so fucking gray. And I took care of you that night because you were so fucking drunk, I remember you asking me or saying something about how I hated you. And then later that night I ended up sandwiched between you and Matt, and you decided to touch me through my pants even when I was cuddled up to Matt and I thought maybe there would’ve been some change but in the end you were still assaulting me. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and it sent me backwards, I felt like all of the progress that I had made was gone it was dehumanizing and I threw out those sweatpants and they were brand fucking new and they were Calvin Klein my favorite designer which hurt even more because I used my money to get something I really wanted for comfort and you just stumble in cocked off of what 3 beers? And ruin even the smallest things that could’ve made me more comfortable? Heinous and out right disgustingly disrespectful.

Trauma talk aftermath:

I betrayed myself sleeping with you even after the rape, and you knew so much about me so I couldn't even fucking report it even though I had the proof of you admitting to what you did. But Im always scared because my reputation was at stake and it was so easily corrupted by your lies as it is. I had no choice. You could've easily ruined my life and I wasn't about to let you so I ruined mine but little did I know that you were already ruining mine. And you still haven't taken accountability for your actions and I'm still suffering the consequences of those horrible behaviors that you were still using to this day probably. And I can't even imagine how many other girls like me there must be now.

Here's to all the nightmares that circulate in my head at night still in that feeling of fear of having and experiencing that PTSD kick into hyper drive. And all the ones I've yet to have when I have new partners in my life, because I have nightmares of them doing the same thing that you did to me and it's traumatizing. Because even though I know they are not you for that split second I am terrified of them. And I saw another post about how when sexual assault survivors even get a whiff of the scent of their abuser they are in panic; and I honestly don't blame them. I was at school the other day, and in the air I smell whatever type of detergent was used to fill the air with your scent, I was in panic for a couple minutes looking around trying to figure it out where you were. It's so fucked up that you've had such lasting effects on me like why isn’t hating you and going through all of that trauma shit enough. And I'm so tired of the panic and anxiety attacks that you still bring into my life whether it is indirect or direct.

And looking back now after going off of that and emotional spiel about what you did and how I still feel towards these events today. I realize all the ways how I am not gonna be treated in the future. You saw the light inside of me, and when you stepped into my life that light dimmed within each day that passed that I saw who you were. And it took all of my power away; but I am taking all of that power back and you will never ever use it again and you will never have it in your possession because I know I will forever be a better person and not let you win. And I know that I wasn't a good girlfriend at the time as well but you were also I'm manipulative narcissistic asshole. And I blamed myself for all of the times that I was mad at you and thought I deserved it all. And I deserve none of that shit. It was you that didn’t deserve me and all the love I gave you. All of clothes I bought you, all of the stupid ass Pokémon cards i grabbed for you because I knew it was important to you to collect them, all of the silly $7 cards to go with each thing I gave you. All of the handwritten notes. Helping you match your clothes and fold your shit. Fuck you and for all you have taken from me and didn’t even fucking say sorry or be truly appreciative.

More Trauma Talk 2020-2021 edition:

Consent is so important to me, because it was stolen from me as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult. I want to take a moment to also talk about my second ex-boyfriend named Dan as well how ironic I never thought I'd say I love you Dan ever again. But the first night we hooked up, he was so patient with me which in all honestly is sad but it truly took my breath away with the time that he spent on me making sure I knew that I was safe because he knew that I have been raped. And every once in a while he asked me if I was OK and I thought that was the most amazing thing ever little did I know that that's actually what you're supposed to do and that it's not the bare minimum. And after all of that he still had one of those moments where he traumatized me and put me back into the place where you had put me days before Christmas… which is now a tainted holiday as well as Halloween for me. Thanks a lot.

Wow… fuck this is a lot for anyone let alone me to endure and/or read and I just want to say that felt so fucking good to finally write it all down and speak my truth and let others know that not every sexual assault or rape has to be violent (well it’s violence either way, but you know getting the shit beaten out of you stereotypical type) it can be sweet until it turns sour, it can be public, it can be sneaky, it can be with someone you gained the ability to trust who was so good in the beginning. It can be anyone and that’s the real scary part because I don’t know whose intentions are actually true until they read my stuff and reassure me about how they feel about me. It’s the only way and even then I’m still scared of wanting to be intimate with someone new. It’s another strong reason as to why I am practicing celibacy for a bit.

Finished on 9/20/2021

[humanistauno]

The Father of Aurora

by: Aiah Nicole Robles

Gener Pineda Janapon was born on July 31, 1953 in Jaro, Ilo-Ilo. Currently living in 220 Aurora Street Brgy. Zone IV, Koronadal City, South Cotabato. His parents are Ms. Brenvenido Janapon and Mrs. Erlinda Pineda. He had five brothers and five sisters namely Polando Janapon, Gener Janapon, Nelson Janapon, Eduardo Janapon, Edgardo Janapon, Ofelia Janapon, Delia Janapon, Evelyn Janapon, Nenita Janapon and Yolanda Janapon a total of 10 siblings. Living in a harmonious life is everyone's will to live. A life where you don't have to think about what will happen tomorrow. If there will be a tomorrow and if will be part of the future.

Captain Gener isn't from a wealthy family, thus a simple one rich with love and respect. In order to sustain their daily needs, his parents strive harder and he himself also sells "balot" to provide his school expenses and allowance. Along with his siblings for no one would ever help him but him himself. He needs to strive harder molding and building a path to a better future. It doesn't matter how your sweat streams repeatedly onto your body and how tired you were to have a penny in your pocket, you have to find a way and work hard as if there will never be another day for this will be soon worth striving for." He said.

For Captain Gener, every person has its own problem but for him, everything is possible and every problem has its own solution either how big or troubled it was. As he encountered problems in life, what he just think and do is trust the Almighty Father, and so no problems vanished.

Achievements

As a loyal man to his homeland, he run for Purok President of Purok Aurora in Barangay Zone IV and luckily git elected. He promoted as federation president of 23 Purok in Koronadal City in 2002, he run for Barangay kagawad and re-elected on 2007 and 2013. He never spent money on the election for he knows how to win the heart of the citizens without the help of money or wealth but with loyalty and true respect. After his term for Barangay kagawad, he worked on city hall in Community Affairs Task Force Kaayusan member for almost 4 years. Year 2018 he run again for Barangay captain of Zone IV and so because of his courage and as well-known man with a brave heart, he win the throne and currently year 2019 he had a lot of people who trusted him with the barangay and lended his hands onto his people of Aurora. This was all happened because he has dignity and principle in life, as for Captain Gener "You need to do your very best on whatever you do without harming others."

I’m A Father

​He met his wife way back when she's a teacher, someone says true love never exist but for Captain Gener, as he saw the beauty of Mes. Carmelita Janapon, he feels something strange as if he was in love in her at his first sight and so is for Mrs. Carmelita Janapon. They dated and fell inlove deeper with each other and developed a husband and wife realtionship. Their love onto each other brought to life, their two children Andrew Janapon the eldest and Janice Janapon the youngest and builds a happy God centered family. He is now contented to what he has gain with his loving family and children.

​As a father, he taught his children the meaning and importance of life, to work hard and not to take advantage on people and to help those in need.

​His eldest son Andrew Janapon finished his studies on 2004 and the youngest on 2005. Year 2019 his youngest Janice Janapon is in Netherlands with his fianće and started a new life with her family. Captain Janapon feels sad when Janice left them but he can't hinder nor stop his child to be with someone she loves. As far as his daughter is happy so he is, that's how he love his child.

The Aurora Community

Zone IV had 9 million pesos budget. 55% goes to the service fee/salaries of the barangay employees and officials. 10% for SK and calamity fund. 35% was for the projects life building a day care centre, canals, car fuels, and other development fees. For Captain Gener, it isn't hard to manage such money because he's use to do such thing as one of his responsibility as a captain of the barangay, sometimes he even handle large amount of money like 100 million pesos, a money intended for the barangay. Zone IV had a lot of school on its territory, like the well-known public school of Koronadal City, the KNCHS ( Koronadal National Comprehensive High School) whom by Zone IV, both schools and the barangay had a nice relationship, unlike before wherein the where gaps in between their relationship because the voters there weren't all the same side, but yet such issue as that isn't a hindrance for their undeniable connection. Once, there was an earthquake drill in KNCHS, Captain Gener attended on it and he was amazed by the population of the students both Junior and Senior High School, 11 thousand students in such school, it almost covered the field and walking like an ant for him, such a great honour he said, for a school as big this.

Though he had a lot of things to manage, this isn't gave his a tough days though, for he had a good relationship with the state holders like purok president, provincial government and the local government of the City of Koronadal, this relationship is essential for the barangay itself, so whenever will be a need to reconstruct, to build or to improve, there will always a hard that will help or reinforce it that's the case, that's why every road on Zone IV was all concrete except the one's beside Captain Gener's house, because he wanted to prioritize his people whom he loved the most second to his family, and that love for them wasn't a waste nor a regret because they all trusted him all they've got, with the important matters and with their barangay itsel, as the captain of Zone IV, these was very important to strengthen the bonds between you and your people. Feel free to help whenever they wanted and they are for you.

Bayanihan is a system present in their community, humanitarian aspect, and respect to oneself and to others. The people in Zone IV was nice, you just have to talk to them as if you're their neighbor, a good friend, an ally an a family, in that way, it'll be easy to handle them, resulting the prosperous and friendly people of Barangay Zone IV. This accomplishment bring him back the days where the life was tough as rock, he's been through a lot of obstacles on his younger days, he used to work on a rice field planting a hectare of paddy under the heat of the sun, not o mention but Captain Gener had a talent in this industry, all by himself he can finish planting a hectare of rice field and harvest about 200 meters corn field like a flash and without getting sunburns, just having a reddish, sosey like skin after the work and he himself acknowledged his uniqueness and being cute all the times as his ace for making his current wife fall in love with him with the help of declination, humbleness and of course being truly in love without condition and lies.

The Hardworking Man

​

As a health conscious person, Captain Gener doesn't and isn't used to work on such tough job as lifting and in construction in order to protect his health, in contrary he would rather choose to sell "balot" as an easiest job, hell just sit on the corner waiting for the customer to appoach ,buy, the'll give the money and he'll give the exchange, as simple as that and without any hard movements he gotten enough money, but if you put some patience and dedication on what you're doing, you'll earn much more than you imagine, on selling balot, Captain Gener, earned 10000 while his wife as a teacher earned 5000 on the last election (2018) for barangay captain, his opponent think of him as a simple man who just sell balot and couldn't do more than that and that he could defeat Captain Gener easily for himself as a well-known general but he didn't know that the person he take easily will defeat him without favour. Captain Gener has a characteristic his opponent doesn't have the love and fidelity for his people that keep him on his very owned position for 11 years and still counting he once said, "nothing is impossible if you just plan for it and make it happen", just like what he did on the election, he planned very well on how he could possibly defeat the opponent without hard judgements and punching him, he said thus he had trust on his peoples loyalty to him that drives him to the positive vibes and possibility of winning the battle.

Politics

​There once his opponent on the election reach out every people on Zone IV while riding on his luxurious car waving the people and magniloquently let them saw a photo of himself and the Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte on his phone while Captain Gener humbly walked house to house as he used to do. Sometimes his people got worried about him walking by himself for their might be someone who'll do something unpleasant to him. So the citizens recommended him to get a body guard to be with him all the times and whenever he goes, but he refused. He smiled and said, "its fine, I'm not concerned nor worried about that because I know for sure, no one will do something bad on me and if there is, its wouldn't scare me for I am on my own barangay, every people here knows me well, respect me well and do love me, they'll protect me for sure if that will happen." As for his people and as a loyal him about what his opponent just did, but Captain Janapon humbly stood up and reveal a photo of him with his loving family together with his grandchildren, as he let them saw photo, gladness will be seen from the faces of his citizens as he have family oriented captain who love not only his own family but also his home, his barangay. All throughout his reign, he wasn't scared of being humiliated, to be attacked by other people or someone do something bad on him because he know for sure that he didn't do any wrong, this his intention was all pure and for the sake of his people on Zone IV, not unless if these were mistaken identity.

​As Captain Gener continue walking house to house by himself, the Koronadal City Mayor itself got worried and said, "Cap! I get some bodyguard and I'll be the one to pay them for you." But he resisted again for he had nothing to be worried about in the first place.

The Friendly Captain

​

​The large public school of Koronadal City. KNCHS is under the Zone IV, Captain Gener know well the assigned people there, from the guard to the principle. He comfortably walk inside KNCHS seeing how well the school that makes him very proud. Way back the time when he was still a kagawad of Zone IV, he used to order his 30 college students to paint the rizal statue near his house and as a payment, he brought them hot pandesal and arroscaldo. Dr. Pinggoy passed by there and so he saw the student painting and ask Captain Gener, how many students were there, and captain said, "Its 30" and Dr. Pinggoy gave him 1 thousand for their snacks. For Captain Gener, he might not had tons of good friends he can rely on the important thing is he had Dr. Pinggoy who always there on his side at all times.

​The large public school of Koronadal City. KNCHS is under the Zone IV, Captain Gener know well the assigned people there, from the guard to the principle. He comfortably walk inside KNCHS seeing how well the school that makes him very proud. Way back the time when he was still a kagawad of Zone IV, he used to order his 30 college students to paint the rizal statue near his house and as a payment, he brought them hot pandesal and arroscaldo. Dr. Pinggoy passed by there and so he saw the student painting and ask Captain Gener, how many students were there, and captain said, "Its 30" and Dr. Pinggoy gave him 1 thousand for their snacks. For Captain Gener, he might not had tons of good friends he can rely on the important thing is he had Dr. Pinggoy who always there on his side at all times.

​He is proud of every doctor around every corner, because a doctor is God instrument on saving the most important aspect of man which is its life, its soul, which plays the very vital role on man, without the brain and the hands of every doctor, everything you ponder here on earth will be unworthy and useless. Once, Captain Gener grandchild had an intense fever which is very alarming, he immediately run his poor grandchild unhesitant to the nearest hospital, a tricycle driver from Zone IV saw them and offer them a fast ride to the hospital and faithfully, he's grandchild was delivered safely and take care by the doctors and nurses and so a while later, captain Gener grandchild were free and safe from fever.

​He had a friend from T'boli had been actingly bleeding, the patient wanted Captain Janapon to donate his blood to save the patient's life and so without hesitation, Captain Gener took the opportunity to help and donated his blood to the poor patient it was his first time to directly transfer blood through the patient and so the patient was saved, thanks to the kind Captain Gener Janapon and of course with the help of our Almighty God above who's responsible for the miracle.

​He didn't want to hear any discrimination about children because everything he do for the Zone IV is for the sake of the future of every children who'll soon grow and be a man who'll protect his town and country, like when someone don't accept the poor child to go to school because as reported, the child was dirty, Captain Gener got disappointed by the act of the teacher towards its student, so he said to the teacher" I'll terminate you, if you do it again". This stage is a child's beginning into his future so why bother to interfere them and hinder them to do so, a teacher's task is to teach them to be wise about life and on how to be a better man in the future. His wife is a retired teacher that's why he really valued education that much, if the regional board sees a poor child unable to go to school, they'll able to freely go to school and help them be active and create a dream that'll change them and mold them to be a better man.

​ Gener’s Warm Heart

He wanted to help those street kids to go to school and put them a descent clothes on, because a man who's capable of doing it, must take its action be responsible for taking the step unto it.

​He had a daughter whom he loves the most, and a proud scholar, consistent honour, intelligent and a brave woman who didn't use its fathers position to earn what she earned currently, but an incident gave her a grade whom she doesn't deserved but just because its teacher and his father had a bit of political matter, Captain Gener's daughter got a grade of 84, a scholar. No grade below 84, a scholar. No grade below 84 is cumlaude but she insisted rather she said" it’s the father", and now, she passed five exams in Netherlands and got its licensed as a teacher of pilot and currently a principal. Everything that happens to his daughter is because his daughter have and has a will of fire to do exactly what she wants, to turn impossible into possible, but before the examination in Netherlands, his daughter left the Philippines and stayed there because she met her fiancé which is from Netherlands and so she go to reach her goal there as a professional teacher and a principal of pilot in Netherlands. Before Captain Gener's daughter left, he was very sad and disappointed to be left by his only daughter, but that doesn't matter all. The important is his daughter's happiness and success that’s brave enough to face any struggles in life that brought inspiration into her to be able to achieve its goals in life and become a successful one as she is now.

​For Captain Gener, there us no other things that happens to you, only your family, because no matter bad happens to you, only tour family whom you can rely on, you can trust and you can reach on for help and once you learned how to give importance to your family, that's when you'll value things around you, because everything starts in the family. If you are a a bad person, then maybe its starts to your family and so if you are one because a family who handles well their respective members it will grow well and mold the human aspect of being a well person to be respect by others and a man with dignity and heart as Captain Gener Janapon of Zone IV Koronadal City, South Cotabato.

​He's daughther married a dutch, he's daughter is a kind person. He is so proud of her, she passed all board exams, now she has its own family in other country and she leaves Captain Gener. Captain Gener is happy and delighted that she is safe there with her husband, which is the saddest part as a father, it makes Captain Gener emotional behind his own daughther but he is happy daughter as it makes her became a strong and competitive woman. And also he has he's son who also take as a teacher but his son never like it in the first place. He can say that his family is the one who make him strong and still fighting to be a leader in their barangay. Now that he had his family and his grandchildren are his only treasure, giving the Captain Gener's time as they play, and said that " papa lets go to the mall", he make sure that they go to the mall that he can also be a father to his grandchildren.

The Family Oriented Man

​As a person, Captain Gener only treasures his family, because family is the one who are complete. The family need a supportive man to raise them up and as a person of what we want. In the first place, dreams starts with the family before you explore, you need to be a good person and close to your family, be open to them because family need to be a unity and solidarity to be one. If you will get married you need to ask permission first, and let your parents decide if it will be better for you because family knows what is right and wrong. When it comes to their children that's why you as son and daughter respect you as a parent because you love them and make them happy because they're the one Captain Gener have now, no one else just his family.

​In the barangay he choose the person who are in young age to remind as what he did to his daughter and his children because he saw those kids as his children that's why he's happy in his profession as a Captain Zone IV. In doing his service in the barangay. He did not cheat at all; we know the reason of his victory is the people who are beside him like his neighbour, and the people who need his help. Every morning he's walking in the whole barangay to remind the people that he is running as captain and take some coffee in the houses and telling stories for the people. In their barangay he doesn't have any relatives.

​Mayor Miguel gave Captain Gener to run as being a congressman, but then he refuse because he's journey as a barangay captain are just the beginning. He's services and plans is just the tiny action, he want to give his services to their barangay that needs improvement and he want to have satisfaction what the barangay needs. Some of the people underestimate Captain Gener but he proved that he is not just a person and a captain that will sit chair and will do nothing. He doesn't gavr up and surrender. In his years as a captain, people believe in him like Mayor Peter Miguel and also Dr. Pinggoy, they have the trust in Captain Gener's capabilities as a captain of their barangay.