#and i'm the only one working until monday so they're just like. 'cope i guess' 😑

[legacysam]

I'm lucky that my job is usually pretty easy, but due to technical issues it was bonkers today and will probably be the same tomorrow and I am ready to throw the entire IT department into a volcano

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

@ninjastar107 Diisdoodles themselves claimed I've been harassing them over the last year, when

A. I have been blocked. I cannot contact them, nor did I want to. I has trying to genuinely move on, even without answers I know I'm not owed, but It'd help with peace of mind,

B. I have had really no support system to help me with the damage they themselves caused, like they has during this time. While I did cause damage by not knowing they were uncomfortable since they openly responded to me in those VC chats with Darker subjects despite me saying what I repeat over and over you can ask anyone I always say,

Please tell me if you're uncomfortable. I know I'm desensitized, and I don't know what is okay with you or not.

They themselves retraumatized me, I have prior history before even them due to the shipping fights. 2019 left a lot of damage that was retriggered by how they handled this,

I stayed away like they asked, I vented in a Public Server so I wouldn't go behind their back despite them having that channel muted, I could have gone to them but like I always do I respect others wishes of separation no matter how badly I wish for us to reconnect,

Because it isn't my decision, it is theirs, I was completely caught off guard that Monday coming out of surgery and seeing that message

Even then, however I said I was angry over it. Something is seriously wrong if someone is still angry over your actions a year later because they don't feel justified or okay. I don't care that they blocked me, but the one question that bothered me afterwards the one question I wanted to ask them

Just answer me why I listened to you and left you alone like you asked so where did that anger come from? I was coping on my own, I know my own coping mechanisms so that way I can calm down on my own. And yes that has to do with ranting that is a part of autism and ADHD that will not change about me

My brain hyperfixates on stressful situations, picking them apart. So the best way I've found is to rant, usually to a friend but in this case I knew Diisdoodles had a history of people going behind their back so I thought to rant in the public server that we shared the only one that allowed venting because Diisdoodles cannot handle seeing others in pain,

And no matter what, I did still received that message on Monday, weaponizing all my insecurities

And then they again did it in 2023 for everybody to see, now all I can think is

Don't you know all know I know my writing is dark, that's why I try to warn people! I read Stephen King as a child, add in a bit of trauma, and yeah, I'm desensitized to most darker topics of writing.

That's why I give everybody a warning, but they didn't give me anything. And now they decide to tell everybody that they're traumatized after they didn't tell me

After I profusely apologized because again boundaries I was still learning shit when I made that pro shipping comment, they let me know that they were uncomfortable, and I immediately apologized before trying to over explain like normal I guess they took that as me defending myself, it was actually me trying to explain to them my thought process.

I could carry on with the misunderstandings how we both traumatized each other but they won't acknowledge their side in this.

They'll always explode and point the finger but never account for their own actions I know I do the same exact thing but I am genuinely trying to work on that take accountability for my actions I'm sorry I traumatized them because I didn't know their boundaries

However they did the same thing to me and I have been doing good up until this point up until a very traumatic memory was dug back up and the person I wanted to ask why showed up at my doorstep and that just took over not any logical thought process just the pain the anger, the

What did I do?

Honestly,

Before you come at me February 22nd,2023