#and i'm about to punch him in the fucking nuts for what he's done to me

[m00nz-writes]

so i fucked up royally today. my laptop is completely fucked for the time being as i accidentally broke the screen like the moron i truly am, so all projects are currently on hiatus until i can either get the secondary laptop i have running and unlocked, or i can get my primary laptop fixed. basically; i'm beyond fucked right now.

[shaisuki]

｡‧˚ʚ°ɞ˚‧｡ ─── SATORU AND HIS OBSESSION WITH YOUR CHEEKS.

“satoru, no.”

“but”

“no.”

stepping back and making a distance from your boyfriend who is close to inhaling your cheek like a black hole. the white haired man whines, his hair deflating with a pout in his face like he was a child denied with candy in a store.

“satoru, behave. you're in the presence of your students and mine. set a good example for them.” you scolded him. glancing at the students who where at the school grounds waiting for the schedules to be brought up. flipping the papers clipped in the clipboard to check their activities for the incoming battle royale and training regimes.

“i love when you're strict (y/n)-chan~” he sing-sang. his face bright and there's a comical blush visible in his cheeks and in the background it looks like someone set up a green screen for the flowers and what looks like glitter sparkling in the background.

you sigh. satoru couldn't act like at his age but you love that side of him but sometimes it made you want to cry from how he distracts you in front of the students. their image of you turning into a less serious one due to satoru's antics and get often teased about it.

the first years stared at you two. they think you were so fed up with their teacher's antics that you were so close at beating up his ass which is true. a little. but yes.

“(y/n)-sensei and gojo-sensei are really going at it.” yuuji mused. staring in awe at his two teachers, two polar opposites. “keh, i'll pay good money to watch (y/n)-sensei punch gojo-sensei.” nobara added. the brunette waiting for some action to happen and she's going to be blessed.

you thought satoru would be done with his antics but no. you were wrong. the moment you dropped your guard down came the rikugan and limitless holder snaking his arms to your soft middle immediately. pressing you against his back and before you could squirm his other hand cupping your soft jaw to meet his lips. his soft, pink lips parted slightly before opening fully and engulfing your cheek in one massive bite.

chomp!

you let out a silent gasp before biting your lower lip to muffle the sound threatening to spill from your lips. “mmm....” gojo hums. a satisfying noise of contentment in his part while he nibbles your supple cheek like it was the softest mochi he ever tasted.

your mind generating a thousand ways to beat gojo and how to forget this had ever happened in front of people, your students nonetheless. such a inappropriate sight for the youngsters to see. you didn't dare to meet their gazes.

the first years, a disgusted look mixed with pity as they watch you get the worst kind of pda anyone can experience. kissing they can take it but sucking on someone's cheek — it's weird.

“thank you for the meal.” he says as he completely detaches his lips from your cheek. his hold on you loosening. a big smile in his face after the nibbles and sucking your cheek. you look at him in disbelief. your cheek covered in his saliva.

“eugh.” you grimaced. wiping your cheek with the back of your palm. “i'm done with you.” he heard you say and he dramatically reached out to you. pinching your cheeks and you slapped it away. “you're not.” he reasons out. “i'm serious.” you deadpan at him. “you're (y/n). not serious.” unfucking believable. he pouts at you and your fist met his shoulder. bypassing his infinity and followed by a kick. oops. your eyes widens as he dropped in the ground.

“that hurts!” itadori exclaims. biting his fist and as a man he knows how painful it was to be kicked in the nuts. not that he experienced it.

nobara's eyes twinkles. fists pumping in the air. deserved. it's funny how the strongest sorcerer alive — the holder of six eyes and limitless is on his knees. clutching his part where you kicked him.

“oh fuck, satoru. i didn't mean to.” you immediately comfort him. rubbing his shoulder to ease the pain. it didn't help with the pain but you felt guilty about it. you didn't mean to kick him in that part.

“are you taking back the "i'm done with you part"?” he asks you and you nodded. not giving the question about the thought. “yeah. i'm sorry.” you murmur. “kiss me.” he requested in which you complied. pressing a kiss to his forehead. even he's like this — you love him.

it was too late before you realize he was faking it. he started giggling and you roll your eyes at him. falling for his antics again. “i can't believe you!” you stand up, huffing. picking up the clipboard and gojo is quick to call you. “(y/n), it's true. it really hurts.” he says. wincing a bit and you gave him a side eye.

“next time, it's going to be real and i'm doing it hard.” you warned him and gojo just laugh at you. draping his arms around you. “you love me though.” unfortunately, it's true. you can't deny that.

the trio stared at you two. it looks like they'll be having second thoughts if they're given a shot in having a relationship. hopefully, it's not weird as their teachers.

[lunar-wandering]

things about the Boboiboy series that drive me NUTS (this list is written solely from memory)

the fact that the first three elements, Wind, Earth, and Lightning, didn't really start out as having different personality's from Boboiboy himself (at least, not by much/it wasn't extremely noticable) but then, Lightning, after being split for too long, losing his memories completely, and achieving tier 2, becoming Thunderstorm, suddenly goes all Edgy(TM). and then Wind eats a mood-changing potion and goes manic, and not only does that unlock his tier 2, making him Cyclone but that becomes his personality. like. hello??? the implications.... and then later on, Fire, Water, Leaf, and Light manifest WITH their personalities pre-set. what??? the vague implication that the elements are sentient and the personalities started becoming more obvious when Boboiboy's mind started slipping/letting them have freer reign haunts me every day.

speaking of Fire's manifestation. he initially manifested from the stress of exams and walked around accidentally burning shit down in the middle of the night. what a mood tbh.

if the elements are sentient, the implications of Retak'ka stealing them from Boboiboy and using them- without having his personality change, is INSANE. like bro. he used them as a weapon instead of letting them be actual people..... and then later on in the comics Thunderstorm gets taken away AGAIN and is trapped in a sword, a literal weapon, and is used. again. HELLO????

both of the first times Thunderstorm gets summoned (both the obvious first time and the first time after they all got reset to tier 1 due to Complications) involving his phobia kills me every time why the FUCK did they do that. they didn't even address it the second time around but they animated Lightning looking like he was in distress anyways. WHY DID THEY DO THAT TO HIM. i know he's the fave but like. was this necessary.

BOBOIBOY JUST DECIDING "Y'KNOW WHAT??? I'M GONNA INVENT FUSIONS NOW HERE WE GO" IN THE SECOND MOVIE AND PROCEEDING TO ABSOLUTELY WIPE THE FLOOR WITH RETAK'KA

i could list so much Thunderstorm stuff tbh he's definitely the fave they give him so many cool bits of animation. he does the "teleports behind you" move SO OFTEN and it's SO GOOD

Leaf's deadpan "Fashion Tragedy" line

that one time Boboiboy split into Fire, Wind, and Leaf, and EVERYONE agreed he shouldn't have done that and should never do it again cause those three have negative braincells when in a group together

the songs??? like. the opening songs. the insert songs used in the movies. the OST. why the hell are they so good. i mean i know i personally like em cause they tend to use rock. but like. its SO GOOD.

Yaya and Ying being arguably the two most powerful/capable members of the friend group as they should

that one time Thunderstorm and Fang fought and they paused right before hitting each other and the objects behind both of them exploded from the force of the other's attack

in the first movie when it hinted that we'd see Boboiboy without his hat for the first time ever throughout the entire movie and then it FINALLY HAPPENED when he caught a giant hammer right before it could hit him and punched the dude away with a blast of energy. he has a white streak in his hair and it's visible in the series from this point onwards.

I KNOW IVE SAID A LOT OF THUNDERSTORM SCENES BUT THAT POINT IN GALAXY WHERE HE WAS USING TIER 2 BEFORE HE SHOULD'VE BEEN USING IT AND HE KEPT SWAPPING IN BETWEEN BOBOIBOY AND THUNDERSTORM THROUGHOUT THE FIGHT??? THAT WAS COOL AS FUCK I LOVED THAT

i could list so many of the really cool shots from this series tbh. that one time Light slow-mo backflipped over a bunch of debris and then activated laser eyes to shoot at the villain is a highlight.

literally everything about the fact the plot of this show went from "aliens come to earth to steal chocolate" to "boboiboy nearly fucking dies on an almost daily basis"

[cmdrfupa]

i. Not Today

Toji x Reader

Working alone was always the rule. No one to slow you down when you had to run and no one for him to save when shit hit the fan. That's until the best in the game were needed together.

Former Mercenary/Hitman Toji Fushiguro only wants to make enough to disappear in the next year as the job is no longer worth the risk. You’ve found a way to just enjoy the thrill of the con as a professional grifter and former mafia fixer. Now forced to find out just how deep the world of art dealings goes as your next mark is far more twisted than you realized.

an: I wish I could tell you that I'll stop thinking about Toji but we know that’ll never happen. I've been revisiting games and media lately where the lead is some former army man with little to lose and I saw our dark-haired dilf immediately. Something felt right about it and here we are! A JJK AU where some of our faves will make an appearance.

CW for the series: adult themes, use of alcohol and drugs, sexual undertones, violence, full blown mature themes. Will be updated as necessary.

Dividers from the lovely @/saradika-graphics

Shiu made the mistake of scheduling Toji’s meeting at the same time as yours. He says your meeting was the mistake but let's be real. 

The only thing you wanted to do was avoid the smug bastard in the hallway. Which worked til now.

“Kong. I know I owe you, but this can't be what you're cashing in on.” the up and down you gave Toji made him grin.

“Ouch, princess. What if I'm the man you've been waiting for?”

“Then I’ll off myself and try again in my next reincarnation. Kong.” you looked back over to your already stressed friend of over a decade.

“Sorry kid. I need the best and both of you are my best. It won’t hurt to play nice.”  Shiu opened a fresh pack of cigarettes, effortlessly shaking one out and putting it in his mouth. 

Toji grabbed the lighter, igniting the flame for Shiu. “If you’re worried about your safety, you’re safe with me, doll face. It’s only for one night.” 

Bewildered was an understatement as Shiu shook his head, “A month.” 

“No can do, Shi. A month is fucking nuts.” 

You smiled, sitting on Shiu’s desk as Toji paced to the window. “Worried I won’t be able to protect you, Prince Charming? You're safe with me.” 

If the daggers in his eyes had their way, you would’ve felt them pierce your chest. “You’re cute but don’t push me.”

“Is someone getting angys?”

“Angys? Are you a child?”

“No, but I can beat your ass like a grown man.”

Grabbing the largest book on his desk, Shiu slammed it down with little effort. “Fucks sake, shut up. The both of you.” 

You swiftly jumped off his desk, shifting your attention back to the cigarette hanging from his lips, Toji came and stood beside you. It began to feel like a disciplinary meeting with the headmaster. 

“Look. It's a month-long job minimum. Per diem with an 800,000 payout at the end. They need a charmer and a fucking beast to retrieve some goods and get intel so you two need to work as a couple to get this done. Either you both take it, or it's off the table and you won't have shit to do for the next 3 months.”

“800 split?” you questioned.

“No. Per person.” 

800,000 would give you a more than comfy cushion to sit on for maybe a month. Then you'd get tired of the cushion and beg Shiu for something to keep you busy. There was never an end to the thrill of scamming the ultra-rich and occasionally watching the life drain from a few. 

“I will not be your babysitter during this. You're a grown-ass woman and I refuse to have a brat slow me down. Understood?”

He was so pretty in the off-white cable-knit sweater that swallowed him but that mouth was going to have you punching his throat in a matter of minutes. 

“I'm willing to do the job as long as your chained puppy can treat me like an adult. I can handle myself.” 

“Already the first steps towards being a loving couple. You're gonna be fine, kids.” Shiu stepped between you two, smiling as if he were a proud parent. He squeezed your shoulders. “Everything you need will be sent over in 2 hours. I have the twins working on your background stories and covers. You leave at the end of the week.”

Strength. Resilience. Mindfulness. Breathe.

“Why don't we get matching shirts so they know that you're mine? Sound good, sweetie?" The vibrato in the pet name gave your resolve a run for its money. Fortunately, the smug look on his face once you looked at him dried you back up. 

“Yeah! I think ‘I’m with dumbass’ would look cute in bubble letters on a baby tee, no?” 

The flight was more than perfect. Business class with every accommodation known to man thanks to Shiu knowing you would never do anything less. You settled into the second half of your flight preparing to get a little rest before landing. 

“Toji? Can you wake me when they come around with dining options?” you lowered the partition to find Toji intently reading a home improvement magazine.

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll order so I can wake you when it's here.”

“I don't know what they'll be serving. Just wake me—”

“There's an International and Japanese cuisine menu. Either beef filet steak with a red wine sauce and a side autumn plate or pasta gratin with chum salmon & black truffles with roasted pumpkin.” finally looking up from the magazine, his deadpan gaze met your face. “The Japanese cuisine has Wagyu curry with eggplant and mitsuba and sansho peppers or grilled black cod, a crab omelet with grilled shiitake and taro. What sounds good.” 

Taken aback, you bat your lashes trying to digest this robotic answer to your request.

“Did you not hear me?” 

“I did. You just.. Did you study the menu or something.” you rolled the partition down completely, studying the expressionless man. 

“It rolled across the screen earlier and I took a mental note of it. So, can you tell me so I can tell the cute attendant when I call for her to come back? She's a busy woman.” 

A sigh so deep you felt your nervous system reboot as you rolled your eyes. 

“Tell your girlfriend I’d like the grilled black cod meal please.”

“Will do. I'll try to get you an extra omelet for being such a supportive wife as I date around. Thank you, sweetheart.” Toji winked and rolled up the partition with a grin like a Cheshire cat spread across his mug. “Sweet dreams.” 

“You’ve gotta hurry up, doll face. The race starts in 30 minutes and the driver is pulling up any minute now. Let's go” Toji yelled through the hall as he made his way to your room in the villa. His loafers lightly clacked along the polished granite floors as he walked into your room. “You don't need a whole canister of paint for makeup. Just put some blush on and let's get moving.” 

“Can’t rush perfection, Fushiguro. And I'm just putting on my earrings. Relax.” you popped your head from the bathroom and raised your brows. “Wow. You clean up nicely. I thought you could only wear those tight-ass Uniqlo t-shirts.” 

A crisp, light blue button-down that could only do so much to hide his muscular build, and a pair of deep indigo chino pants to round off the fit. “Funny. Now can you please come on? We’re on a time crunch and I don't want to be around those old rotting money bags for longer than necessary.” 

Rolling your eyes as you went back to looking in the mirror one more time, you walked out to the bedroom. “Alright. Let's go.” 

Toji didn't have to say anything when his eyes did the talking for him. “You gotta wear shit like this more often. I'll be more open to actually listening to your words if you do.” 

You grimaced as you walked past him to the front door. “Please stop talking.” You smiled as you walked out, the driver holding the car door open as you gave him a warm thank you before sliding in.

Toji got in behind you, getting strapped in as you did. When given the clear, the driver pulled off. 

 “Doll face.”

“What, Toji.”

“Being married to you is fun. Best open relationship ever.”

Toji winked before going through his phone, going over the files one more time.

  “God. If you exist, please turn this shit over right now,” you whined as the car whirled down the road.

The sun hangs high over Monza’s glittering skyline, casting a golden sheen over the harbor and its rows of yachts. The thunderous roar of F1 engines echoed through the streets, as sleek cars zip past. The race is in full swing, but the real spectacle isn't on the track—it's in the VIP section.

The third row to the left of the podium sat your target: KK. 

Notorious organized crime affiliation who tends to dabble in high-stakes art deals, illicit trades, and other illegal acts. 

He smiled like a kid in a candy store watching how everyone tried to please his every desire. Two men stood behind him as he continued to conversate with the crowd around him.  

You both weaved through the crowd with practiced grace. Toji exchanges pleasantries with a collector while you check your reflection in the mirrored windows of the luxury suite, your gaze never drifting far from KK.

Feigning boredom, you let out a resounding sigh, twirling around to face Toji. “Formula One. I’ll never understand the appeal. It’s all so... mechanical.”

Expressed loud enough for nearby guests to hear, you elicited a few amused looks.

“You said the same thing about abstract art and now New York and half of Japan want your opinion on it.”

Toji’s laugh is light, effortless like he's done this a thousand times. 

Your banter catches the ear of Hashime, one of KK’s bodyguards, who’s leaning against a railing with an air of casual authority. 

His interest now piqued, he glances between the two. Toji catches Hashime’s eye and offers a polite nod. He returns the nod and steps toward you both.

The pale blue-haired minion seized you up “You’re into art, huh? Never understood it myself. What’s the secret to knowing if something’s worth millions or not?” 

“Everyone’s chasing an enigma. If you can give them a story full of mystery and wonder, more will want it. If you can do that, then you can sell a painting to a blind man.” 

Joining smoothly, Toji wrapped his arm around your waist smiling. “Rare pieces, hard-to-find items, things worth killing for. They have a way of getting it all.”  

“I've heard Mr. KK over there has some of the best pieces to never be seen by the public. What I would give to just catch a glimpse.” Your voice lowered.

“He doesn't just let anyone see the collection.”

Leaning in slightly, you dropped your tone, whispering more intimately. “Of course not. Someone with his... connections... would appreciate only the most discerning eyes.”

Hashime's eyes narrow, his guard raised. You felt the energy shift, but remained calm, letting Toji take the lead from this point. 

“Stay here.” Hashime stepped away, walking towards KK.

Apprehension settled into your gut as you watched KKs dark eyes find you and Toji. Refusing to falter, you smiled and placed your hand on Toji’s abs. “You think this’ll work?”

“Of course it will. We just have to sell him on the most dangerous art deal of his life. He can't say no to what we have.”

A brief moment of calculation crosses his face, and then he stands, straightening his jacket. KK approaches you, a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes forming on his lips before he reaches out to take your hand. You obliged as he kissed your knuckles before shaking Toji’s hand. 

  “I tend to know everyone who breathes air in the art world yet neither of you look familiar.” KK smiled, placing his hands back in his pockets. 

  “If everyone knew us, I’d say we were doing awful at our job.”

KK looked over at Hashime and gave an almost girlish laugh as he raised his champagne.

“Hard to find. Good. After the race, let's talk.” He nodded, giving Hashime the go to give you his business card. Mozying back to his seat, you looked down at his card:

  Retrieval Services

Kenjaku

IT/JP/US

[adventurous-adventures]

17 November 2024

Today's session name: sex

Aaaaaand we're back to fighting Cryovain.

Raven saw Cryovain coming...not in that way.

Georgie placed a dragon tarot card on Alex's DM board.

Mick: "imagine the amount of cum from a dragon dick?"

Zain: "How big are it's balls?"

Mick Googles up DnD r34.

Don John pork

Mick keeps thinking of dragon dick.

"Well Harmonoia is a Bard." - Zain

Baldur's gate 3 but Halsin takes cocaine and morphs into a bear: Cocaine bear

Zain rolls his sparkly Ace d20 for initiative. He rolls a nat 1.

Would Harmonoia fuck Falcon? Would Falcon fuck Harmonoia?

What British people say when they are about to nut: Oh fuck I'm approaching

Mick makes another sex joke. Alex tells them to stop it.

Zain says flapping of the wings. Georgie hears fapping of the wings.

Alex got scarred by Mick talking about arrow slits. (Heh heh, Arrow clits)

"Can't take much? Wow." - Zain

Mick: *points to Zain* "Whore."

Raven readies an attack.

Cryovain lands in Star metal (zone).

"Hah! Rip child." - Georgie

Cryovain misses all his attacks against Kallisto.

Zain plays the ultra instinct theme with perfect timing.

Falcon critically misses the arrow slit. He tells Raven not to tell Harmonoia about that.

Lara rolls a clit 20.

Cryovain is frightened of Kallisto.

Mick says Limp dick syndrome with more meaning.

The arrow slits are "a bit tight" according to Georgie.

Mick provides Zain with "bardic Inspiration"

Combat music for this battle: A line in the sand by Linkin Park. (Zain's note: it's really good combat music)

Mick after failing a con save: *Points to Alex* "Cunt."

Tweed talked in front of everyone.

"Heal yourself"

Alex: "Falcon is gonna-" Zain: "PUNCH!"

Falcon hits Cryovain with an arrow! The table celebrates.

"Torque wrench deez nuts"

Georgie and Mick perform DnD ASMR.

Don John performs some dangerous knife play on Cryovain.

Raven does a really cool run down the stairs of the tower, opens the door and stares down Cryovain.

Don John gets a nat 20 on Cryovain!

Cryovain becomes a pussy and flies off.

As the dragon tries to escape, Callisto impales him by the ass.

Raven uses rage for the first time ever and hits Cryovain twice. Falcon hits, despite being at disadvantage.

HE'S DOWN ON 1 HP. RAVEN FINISHES THE JOB WITH A 22!!!!

THE JOB IS DONE HOLY SHIT!!!

It has been just over a year when the campaign started.

Harmonia fucks Falcon!

The story is not yet over...

[the-ultimate-pie-family]

Copper top encounter with surprise jr pie part 11

"B came in with copper new armor plates." Hey, sugar, you awake yet? don't look at me copper. Please, i need these measurements to see what I need to fix, "copper groaned as she felt naked without her armor on" surprise jr where is he? I'm out here.....fuckin robot bitch.... quit crying uncle you lost fair and square "surprise jr teleported into the room with hell fire above his head like a halo" i don't cry my niece I get even "surprise glared at copper with hell fire rage in his eyes" just wait copper I will be free again. Yeah right your mine and my gf bitch and I'm the main pimp now go so I can get my measurements bitch. "Copper tilted her head in disrespect to the devil surprise teleported away." Get my measurements, please B I have to get my bitch in order. Oooooo copper, I never knew you would be a pimp. Neither did I, but I won that fight, and I'm not losing my grip on the devil either. "B got her measurements and started work on new armor plates while copper was writing down places and artifacts needed work on" hmmm "in a few minutes B had her armor plates done and started using magic to place them in" ok copper your golden "copper hugged B" Thank you B your a life saver don't worry about copper just knock my uncle down a few pegs ok? I will "copper smiled teleporting outside" surprise?! Go eat your gf. "Copper face started heating up, turning her cheek red" s-shut up...... blow me bitch! Follow me bitch i have artifacts for you to test artifacts my kind of artifacts? or my big brother artifacts? What's the difference goat boy keep pushing your lucky you slug I'll make your hell worst what I'll do to you up here "then the fourth strongest demon came to challenge copper to free surprise jr" you mortal bot I challenge thy to free my lord prepare thy asshole mortal "surprise jr stepped back and watch the show then the demon went to punch copper then she stopped the giant attack then upper cutted the demon then she drags the demon to a gelatin and chopping it's head off killing the demon" fourth strongest demon my copper metal ass bitch with me NOW! "Copper yelled at surprise, then dragged him to some satanic artifacts test them now you bitch go fuck your gf. Should I kick your ass? "Surprise, Jr. turned hell red as the devil took control, fixing his hoodie. " surprise is cooling down, my lady, and you are? im the devil....... "The devil dropped from getting low blow" bring back my bitch fucker before I make you my bitch too "surprise jr took control" really a nut shot? Daddy!!!!!!!! "Surprise, Jr. turned shocked seeing his daughter leyas here." Daughter, go home. I'm busy, but dad mom is worried you have been home in month. Who's this Surprise? My daughter, the devil's daughter, called her. Oh, I'm sorry. "Then leyas teleported closer to her dad so your beated my dad huh? Yes, ma'am. Did you almost win, Daddy? Yes, I had her half dead, and then she tackled me off the cliff she was lucky she "survived" 'surprise was pissed he still lost but he must honor the code' but untill I'm free I can't return home yet dammit mom won't come up tho it's cold up here. I know, leyas. im dressed for this coldness, but stay with mom. I'll be home later, ok? Ok daddy "leyas hugged her" you better be nice to my dad bitch or I'll come get you myself.

'Copper didn't know how to react but dragged surprise to some more artifacts while leyas teleported away' sorry for my daughter copper she over protective of me. it's fine, surprise. I kinda know how you feel. I bet you are you stupid robot bitch

To be continued

Mod pie: morning story for copper top i can't stay up anymore maybe we'll see if I can stay up

Tag: @ask-coppertop

[xplrvibes]

I am so sorry, guys. I intended in getting to the asks about Kat's songs but then I accidentally fell asleep 🤣.

It's been a chaotic day/week/month and I am old lol.

Anyway, I have many asks about it and the general consensus seems to be that the song itself was good, but didn't pack as much of a punch as people thought. I'm going to just make this one big blanket post with my thoughts because that's probably just easier.

Also, I am putting my thoughts behind a cut. If you are a person who does not want to hear about this, or if you are a person who doesn't want to hear any criticism towards someone you stan, do NOT click the read more. Keep it moving.

So, the song itself is...fine, I guess. I'm not a huge fan of this genre of music, so I wasn't expecting to be blown away by it from a musical standpoint (and I wasn't). I do think that more can be done from a technical aspect to mix her vocals in better so they are legible (cause they are NOT), but that is a production issue and not a Kat issue. I do want to say that I slowed the song down to .5 speed to try and decipher the lyrics and wow, it lowkey kind of rocked at .5. Very, very grungy sounding 🤣.

Anyway, the song itself was fine. I feel like they were going for an Abril Lavigne or even Paramore type vibe, which is cool. 🤷‍♀️

The elephant in the room of this song is the lyrics, and Sam, and Sam and Kat.

First of all - maybe I'm hard of hearing, but boy were those lyrics hard to decipher lol. I still don't know what the hell is being said in the chorus (in fact, anyone who can tell me what is said right after "how nice of you" wins a prize), which was part of why it took so damn long for me to get to these asks.

I don't know if the problem is the mixing of the lyrics with the music, or if there isn't enough enunciation when they are actually being recorded, but wow.

Anyway, the lyrics. Look, I know that a lot of people were expecting a full-scale evisceration, but let's be honest - that was never gonna happen lol. I think this was about as far as it was going to go.

There are a few biting lines -

the cry on cue line: this was especially of note to me because it validated something I said back when that break up video came out, which was that those were crocodile tears. I took heat for saying it then but sorry- it's true. Man cries and does shit in videos on purpose for attention sometimes. He's always been doing it, and probably will continue to do it. If I'm allowed now to critique him as a person without kicking up some drama, I'd say it's his middle child syndrome mixed with a pinch of narcissism and some insecurity to boot that causes that. But I probably can't say that, so I won't 😂.

The 50/50 like a teenager line: I need an explanation for this one. Was this multi-millionaire, 2 (soon to be 3) Mansion owning, self-driving tesla having rich guy making his much less financially well off girlfriend split every bill in half? Cause if so, he is both a cheap ass and kind of just an ass-ass lol. I'm sorry, but think about the absolute disparity in their income, and then think about the lifestyle he lives. Now imagine you are dating this man and he's taking you to Gordon Ramsey's kitchen and racking up an $800 bill on whiskey that comes out of a glass case and that fucking creepy ass beef wellington shit, and then the bill comes and he look at you and goes "halfsies?" I'd nut shot him. Fuck you, I could've gone to Red Robin and been just as fine. You wanna live bougie and you want my not-rich ass along for the ride? You're gonna have to pay the lionshare. Also - if I'm going to live in your house, and pay an equal share of the bills, you don't get to tell me that I have no say in decorating said house.

The "you sleep well cause she keeps her mouth shut" line: Oof. If I'm interpreting that right, she is saying she could very well destroy him with the shit she knows/shit he's done, but she won't. He's probably very lucky she isn't an Olivia Rodrigo/Taylor Swift type and this is as far as she went, judging by that line.

The tesla line: I think this is a dig at that day that Sam took K on the date to the LA Abandoned Zoo and then K posted an Instagram story in the tesla afterwards? I think? This could've been worded better, I feel, but if that's what she's digging at...double oof lol.

The 6 months line: 🤣🤣🤣. The amount of people that were shocked by the 6 months thing is really just proof positive that nobody stalks and dissects this man's moves the way they do Colby's, cause y'all had Colby and Ms Singer married after ONE DATE and talked about it ad nauseum for MONTHS and meanwhile, guess who was two steps behind him on said date? He and K were coupled up all through Halloween, dressing like Hailey and Justin Bieber, taking couples photos at the parties, but all I heard about was Ms Singer and the pool. Just saying 👏. Also, people can move on from shit whenever they want and however fast they want, but the people who were left behind and devastated and have to watch those people move on with lightning speed have every right to feel jilted about it, especially when the injured party took all the shit for the breakup and the other party was praised for being the sad reluctant hero in the whole thing.

I'm not dissecting the rest, cause the POV switches too much and I can never quite tell if she's talking about herself or K lol. But those lines were notable to me.

Overall...it was a good effort on Kat's part, and I can tell it has been therapeutic and cathartic. If anyone is upset about this cause you feel that Sam is being unfairly kicked down in this, I implore you to remember that this man enjoyed a full year of being able to freely say that he has been so much happier and more confident after breaking up with her, while she has gotten death threats for saying he blindsided her. She is allowed her day in court.

[cookinguptales]

Guillermo de la Cruz

favorite thing about them I love everything about Guillermo, lbr, but probably my absolute favorite part of his character is the way that he really, truly believes he's the straight man (so to speak) of the series, but in some ways he's the most unhinged person there. He's so sweet! As he calls in a bomb threat to a church!

least favorite thing about them the iffy writing in s4 regarding the time skip His tendency to make big, dramatic exits and then come back approximately five business days later. I love melodramatic mess as much as anyone, but it kind of loses the punch after the first time. Even though it does seem to be effective on Nandor, at least, every time.

favorite line This is hard for me, because my favorite things about Guillermo are typically what he does more than what he says. That said, I fucking gasped at his little "I didn't have to" when Nandor accused him of cheating during their last fight. Guillermo, my beloved.

brOTP Probably... Laszlo, maybe? Except they're not bros, they're vaguely antagonistic but occasionally supportive coparents of the creature that crawled out of their deceased friend Colin Robinson. I do really like their dynamic in s4, though, where you can tell that Guillermo is 1000% done with Laszlo but Laszlo is slowly coming around to respecting Guillermo's opinion (even if he drives him nuts) and that makes Guillermo come around, too. I think Guillermo growing some claws has grudgingly impressed Laszlo, even as it's confused and thrilled Nandor.

OTP I feel like this one is... obvious... I've written many thousands of words about why I love Nandor/Guillermo, and I'll probably write many thousands more. They're both fucking insane, but in a way that suits each other so well. I love their incredibly complicated power dynamics. I love the way they make each other better, when they let themselves. ;o;

nOTP Honestly, probably every other character with Guillermo. lmao. I'm a terrible monoshipper like that. But I especially hate any female character with Guillermo, Laszlo/Guillermo (just not the vibe I see there), Colin/Guillermo (feels... like incest now...), and... honestly, probably Derek/Guillermo. I feel like Derek can do better, as cruel as I am to the man.

random headcanon Guillermo's love language is providing for people. He's got an almost pathological need to be needed, but I think that especially comes out with food. We know that his family feeds people to welcome/comfort them (see: his mom in 2.10), we know that he used to have a job in food service, we know that he's an excellent baker (and is adorably proud of that fact), and we know that when he wanted to reconnect with his family, he chose to do so through a dinner. I think food really probably is Guillermo's love language, and it drives him crazy that he can't share that with his vampires, especially Nandor. It's assuaged a little bit by procuring victims (especially virgins) for them, but I think he really wants to break bread with them, so to speak. I foresee him going out to feed with Nandor a lot some day. If he ever gets changed.

unpopular opinion Guillermo is my sweet little baby but he's also a gigantic asshole -- to humans and even occasionally to the other vampires. I see a lot of people saying he "deserves" good things, but I don't think he does. I think he deserves exactly what he's gotten. He made the choices that got him here and they've been deeply cruel choices. I love him more than pretty much any other character on tv, but he's incredibly selfish and petty and mean. I love that for him, but I'm not willing to pretend that he's some sweet cinnamon roll, y'know? He'd be so boring if he were.

song i associate with them Quite a bit of the bird and the bee's work, tbh, especially Again & Again, You're A Cad, and Birthday. (And for a bonus, I associate their song Man with Nandor.) And, of course, Danse Macabre. (ETA: A lot of people didn't know that I didn't choose Danse Macabre for Guillermo when I wrote Sway! No, guys, that's Guillermo's BGM in the show! They use it for him a lot!)

favorite picture of them

my sweet, insane darling

but seriously, him smiling after showing off his stakes in his mini fridge was a close second.

[freetheshit-outofyou]

The Shit We Talk About

Today, my old gunner and I were talking about our families, his mom is slipping deep into Dementia and my Grandma was just put on end of life care. The commiseration that only folks who almost died together can get. Ford: Man my mom’s slippin’ bad.  I had to call APS (Adult Protective Services) in California to do a health an welfare on her because she was talking about my dad and brother fighting in the house. And I’m like dad lives 900 miles from you and David lives in Portland. Me: Fuck man I’m sorry. I remember when my Aunt went out like this. I don’t wish it on the people I hate the most. Ford: I don’t want to get stuck in some dementia loop of being in Iraq. Me:………fuck………….no Ford: ………………………………………………………Yeah. Me: Ford: Me: When my Great Grandma got lost in her dementia loop, grandma was able to pin down where she was by the conversations she would have with people who had passed already. People Great Grandma would have known when she was younger, grandma said great grandma was stuck in her life at about 14 to 17 years old and she was happy there. On the other side of that……. My best buddy’s grand dad was a B-24 waist gunner during WWII, the loop he was stuck in was a mission over Bari Italy in 1943. His grandpa was stuck in that B-24, with one waist gunner badly wounded next to him and not being able to help him, and the aircraft damaged not knowing if he was going to survive…….for two fucking years before he died. Ford: Me: Ford: I’d rather get cancer. (flat as fuck too) I’d rather get fucking cancer and punch out that way than be stuck in any number of days there (Iraq). I can’t imagine, no fuck that I refuse imagine a world where I’m stuck in a never ending loop of any of our worst days there. I would rather die a slow and painful death from cancer than be stuck there. Ford: Ford: Me: I feel you right in my soul fucker, but (and there is always a but.) can’t it be like a nice cancer not like butt or nut cancer, but like that skin cancer that can just be lasered off and we’re done with it, kind of cancer? Ford: You know there is no “nice” cancers right. Me: Me: Yeah. I lost my grandma to adult Leukemia last May, my grandpa to non-hodgkin's lymphoma in June 2006 while we were in Iraq. I lost my Aunt at 53 to Non-small cell lung cancer and one of the guys from another unit I was in to cancer at fucking 27. Yeah, man I know. Ford: Me: Yeah. Me: Fuck man I can’t be stuck in one of those days for years. I rather tap out now than have to relive those days over and over again. I’d also prefer to not get cancer. I mean can’t we have both, no cancer and not getting stuck in some fucked up dementia loop? Ford: Yeah, but no, you know we’re going out the hard way right to the bitter end because the hard way is all we’ve had. We’ll both get stuck in a day watching the best of us blown to chunks from an EFP (explosively formed penetrator) over and over. All I can say, is I’m glad you’ll be there with me. Me: (Me, crying into my cell phone.) I fucking hate you for making my cry. But, (And there’s always abut.) I fucking love you for pointing out I’ll suck in that dementia loop with you. Cancers starting to look like a better option. Ford: If other people heard our conversation right now they’d be like what the fuck is wrong with them. I said but some will also understand 100%. When I was younger my biggest fears was drowning or burning to death, now that I'm older, now that I have survived some things, I think my biggest fears are having survived those really bad days and everything that led up to them…..until I died.

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Legend of Vox Machina: Those Who Walk Away (2x04)

I got the Vax punching Percy scene, I'm a happy camper.

Cons:

I can't overstate how much most of my complaints about this show are nitpicks. It feels like we've gotten such a bounty, something so much better and cooler and more intense than I ever could have hoped for. So when I'm talking about things that missed the mark for me, it's really only a matter of being thorough. Of being so impressed with this show that I expect the absolute best from it. My complaint is a little difficult to articulate, but during the pivotal Vex resurrection "take me instead" scene, it felt like the pacing, or the blocking, or maybe both, were just slightly... off.  Pacing-wise we go from the weeping at the end of season three to suddenly everyone being like "oh yeah, shit, we should be trying to save her", which just felt like they prioritized the fucking stunning ending of episode three over the beginning of episode four making sense, a little? Vax is sobbing like he believes she's really dead, and then suddenly he says "somebody do something!" like he's still in the middle of figuring out what's going on. Just a little awkwardness there.

There's this particular shot where Vex's spiritual self has flowed upward, and there's the golden thread connecting the twins, and the Matron of Ravens is looming over them, and it just looked kind of awkward with Vex's form laid out in this weird ghostly way... I think if I were going to do this, I wouldn't have had Vex's soul float out of her body at all, I would have kept the string connecting Vax to where Vex lay on the floor. Or I would have done a less tangible representation of Vex being taken away, like an orb of light or something. Like I said, this is nitpick-y to the extreme.

I'm also a little torn about Anna Ripley popping up there at the end. When I first saw her I actually wasn't sure who she was and had to think on it to figure it out. I guess it makes sense to want to keep her character on people's minds during this season, since I assume she's going to become relevant again in season three, but it still feels a little random. I'm willing to see how they take it, I'm just not sure how to feel yet.

Pros:

I'm so happy with everything we're getting!!!

Trinket backstory has me weeping. It just makes me think back to Laura writing up a little short story about her D&D character for Matt, and how it was this special little thing she'd thought up for their home game, all the way to now, seeing it in glorious animation. And what a cool way to set up the theme about fate. It's not so much that you have no control over anything so life is pointless, it's that, as Vex says, whatever happens is out of our control, so you might need to try and embrace what's in front of you. She took an opportunity, and got Trinket out of it. Now Vax has an opportunity in front of him as well.

The resurrection scene, while I've lodged a few complaints above, still gave me so many things I absolutely loved. The details of the whole group and how they respond to Vex's death... you've got Keyleth taking her hand and weeping, and there's the moment when Kash takes over and is going to try a resurrection rite, and Vax just kind of stumbles and falls backwards to the ground. Both Grog and Scanlan reach for him as if to catch him or steady him, but it's so clear that Vax is beyond their reach in that moment. And then the contrast between Vax sitting there watching the Matron of Ravens approach slowly, eerily, and the frantic sounds of the group talking as they try and save her... so chilling. You've got Scanlan trying to suggest another potion, you've got Grog saying "can we move her somewhere else", when it becomes clear that the tomb of the Matron isn't going to let her be resurrected. You've got Percy, begging Kash not to give up. That's the good shit.

All of the Matron of Ravens imagery is STUNNING. I'll talk about the fight stuff later, but just soup to nuts, the way she moves, the creepy mask, the size and scope of her, the music, the way the visions/flashbacks work for Vax... it all looks so cool and has me so hyped for what they do with her and Vax moving forward. Towards the end we see Vax witnessing a moment of death. We're starting to see the Matron of Ravens as a being heavily associated with death, but also death being a natural thing, something the Matron helps to usher along at the end. Vax is going to have to go on a journey to figure this out.

I'm sure some people are going to be pissed off with the degree to which Zahra is kind of the villain of this episode, what with her unleashing a not-Beholder on the group leading to the majority of them getting petrified, but I think this change is really smart. We're dealing with seven main characters here. There's a lot to juggle, and there's not really room to have a couple extra people tag along who are just there to be nice, uncomplicated allies in moments of stress. I thought it was such a fun way to have a fight sequence that isn't low-stakes, precisely, but is more there to showcase the power of our first Vestige of Divergence. This monster takes out the entirety of Vox Machina, along with Zahra, and yet Vax on his own is enough to defeat it because of his new cool armor and status as a champion of a goddess.

We've seen what a big deal these dragons are, we know how outclassed our heroes were in the face of them. So now we see how hunting down these Vestiges is going to make a big difference in that fight. Super smart! And as always the fight choreo is so fun and chaotic and exciting, with so many good character details. Kash calling out "Z! No, no!" when she got petrified got me in my feels about those two, and Scanlan reaching for Pike's hand, only for them both to be turned to stone, it's all so good and fun. And when Vax emerges to finish the fight, the speed, the music, that stunning shot of him in the air with the image of the Matron behind him... holy shit, I totally got chills.

Those Calamity/Purvan visions! Holy shit, this show is GORGEOUS. We've got a glow-up in terms of visuals even from what the first season managed to give us, and I am living for it. The images of the gods during the Calamity, those giant embodiments floating in the sky... we saw the Everlight again, among others we'll get to know about more later. And we see Vax start to embrace his fate, even though he doesn't know what it is, exactly. It's so terrifying, it's so upsetting, how from this moment on, Vax never gets to be quite the same person he was before.

I've got to shout out Percy for being so sweet and solicitous of Vex, checking up on her, guiding her through the tombs, helping her up after her petrification is undone by Kash. He's being so gentle and timid, and he's so clearly horrified and forever changed by  what his moment of carelessness nearly cost him. I'm living for it. And we got one of my FAVORITE scenes in the whole streamed campaign, where Percy goes to apologize to Vax for getting Vex killed, and he gets decked in the face for his trouble. Fucking excellent. I love how they streamlined this moment by having Vax say "I don't want to talk about it", and then Percy pushing through to talk about it anyway. It's such a good character moment for Percy, because he really is sorry, and all that, but ultimately he still thinks he knows best. He can't respect the way Vax needs to process this, and wants to get the apologizing over with. At the same time, Percy just wants to prove his worth to the group, prove that he is no longer the monster that sought to hurt them last season. I... love Percy so much, and I am so, so excited to see how things develop for him in terms of his relationships with the rest of the group, particularly with each of the twins.

So for now, we say farewell to Kash and Zahra! I loved that Zahra was the one to give Vex the necklace, that was a good way of streamlining, although I'll miss our fun wolfy friend from the stream at the same time. And while we didn't get the legendary Kash/Keyleth kiss between these characters, because so much has changed about the circumstances of their first meeting, we did at least get Kash asking Zahra if "antlers" is watching him walk away. That was so fun!

I hope that other people watching this appreciate the gravitas of the choice Vax has made. Yes, they managed to save Vex from death itself, but it's not a cheap moment, it's not something someone could just do any old day. It's going to be so exciting to watch the implications spill forward from this moment!

9/10

[lexicals]

You can finally do readmores on mobile which means I am unstoppable. Atsv spoilers below I am sharing my thoughts

1. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TO THE RIGGERS COMPOSITING ARTISTS VFX ARTISTS ETC. THE ANIMATORS DID AN AMAZING JOB OFC BUT THE TECHNICAL WORK ON THIS FILM IS UNBELIEVABLE

2. I knew I was gonna love hobie but I adore hobie. I love how I knew from minute one this guy knew what was up and was out to shake things up. I'm so excited to see more of him in the next one

3. SPEAKING OF. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU GAVE ME HALF A MOVIE SONY. This is not an actual complaint I understand why this was done this way but man give me some WARNING THAT I'M GONNA LEAVE WITH IT ALL UNRESOLVED

4. I love pavitr I love spiderbyte I love all the new spideys so much. Most importantly I LOVE THAT GWEN GOT SO MUCH TIME DEDICATED TO HER. IT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES

5. I really really enjoy the setup of miles being framed as a force of chaos especially compared to a lot of much more put together spider people and having miguel as a foil because he's all about control!! The first part of the film builds up to the reveal so well that I was ready for it in a good way it felt right for him and right for the narrative. Miles' thing in itsv has always been about carving your own narrative and your own way of doing things so it's cool that atsv expands on and really doubles down on it

6. Atsv said cops are always gonna be cops first and good cops quit! I don't think their handling was perfect but I appreciate that much at least

7. God the movement. The visuals. The everything. I want to print this film out frame by frame and wallpaper my house with it

8. When are we gonna find out who the little lady with the heart glasses is huh. I feel like she's kept appearing but there's no actual explanation as to who she is. I'm watching that!

9. I have to include a negative. I really hated the live action inclusions. They felt really jarring and just like something to appease the mcu fans which is not what I'm looking for in these films. Just kind of unnecessary and didn't really add anything imo

10. All! The callbacks!! To itsv!!! Fuck man idk if it's just me being someone who's seen that film 50+ times but there were so many little things I was going nuts. Like obviously there were some really big ones but the ones that were subtle visual callbacks specifically had me leaving this mortal plane. The one sticking in my brain rn is miles taking the glass with him when he jumps again but also the being tied to the punching bag and the running upside down over the crossing at his school and the pigeons and

11. The spot is suuuuch a good villain for miles. He's not supposed to be there.... he initially doesn't seem all that important. And he's a chaotic villain for miles the chaotic hero, I love that

12. The anti establishment narrative. Chef kiss. Yes. Question the rules!! Who says this has to be the way!! Pavitr's "I can do both" hobie's "know what you're fighting against"!! Yelling screaming

13. I can't believe I got to 13 of these but also yes I can. Bro the fuckin queer allegories ae you kidding. The not being able to tell your parents the "finding others like you who understand" it feels so obvious but I have to say it anyway

I feel like I'm gonna have more to say as my brian keeps chewing and I'm DEFINITELY going to go watch again asap but in summary AAAAAAAAA

[casspurrjoybell-24]

My Unwanted Mate - Chapter 23 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Calvin Frey

"Would you like to press charges?"

"Robert," Torin spun on the Alpha, giving a hard glare.

"I'd say getting punched by your own mate is enough of a punishment."

"We need to address this as their Alphas, babe, not family."

Robby ran his fingers through his hair in distress, clearly unsure of how to proceed.

It wasn't everyday that pups were taken.

Looking up from where I had been staring at my bruised knuckles, I met my best friends eyes.

He was upset, I could tell by the way his eyebrows pinched together but aside from that he kept his expression blank.

"You dislocated his jaw," Torin butted in, reminding everyone.

Not that I needed the reminder... I couldn't forget.

The stench of their fear, the snap of Nathan's jaw, Tatum unable to even look at me.

Despite my rejection of them, my most primal part, my wolf still claimed them.

And I hurt him... I had always known I would, it was only a matter of time.

"No, I won't be pressing charges."

I cleared my throat, eyes shifting away from the Alpha staring me down.

Benjamin was fine... he spent the day being pampered while I worried.

I had no way of telling what they'd do to him, if they wanted revenge for being rejected.

At the end of the day, I didn't know them.

They were my destined mates but aside from that they were strangers and my family refused to look at it from my point of view.

My pup was fine though... they hadn't hurt him and I knew deep down that they would never dream of hurting him.

Torin was right... the twins had been punished for what they'd done, I had made sure of it.

"Okay," Robby exhaled.

Torin crossed his arms over his chest.

"In case you've all forgotten, we're not human," the little male shouted, stomping his foot.

"You're not dead, they'll never get a second chance with a mate."

"Enough, Torin. We will talk about this later, privately."

"But..."

"I said enough, now go," Robby growled.

Alpha pheromones filled the office as he stared down my little brother.

Torin stared for a second, as if unable to believe Robby had dismissed him.

Even I was a little surprised.

Robby was a pushover when it came to Torin.

My brother's head dropped in defeat, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

It wasn't my place to say anything.

Torin slammed the door behind him and Robby took a deep breath, releasing it in a long sigh.

"What a shit show," he murmured, finally looking away from the door and back towards me.

"I can't say I'm okay with what happened. You and your mates are fucking nuts."

"This would have never happened if they'd left the first time I rejected them."

"Or if you had given them a chance."

I laughed but there was no humor behind it.

Robby would never understand, he had always wanted a mate.

"I can't just send them back home," Robby changed the course of the conversation, knowing we'd get nowhere.

"Their father... he wasn't all that happy when he found out they were mates."

That confused me.

The twins had never really talked much about their pack or their family.

Then again, we never really talked much at all.

"They're from an old pack. A traditional one. The pack didn't take well to two submissive wolves being mates," Robby stated, shaking his head.

"They were sent here to give their father the time needed to find a dominant mate for them."

"Are you fucking with me?" I asked, refusing to believe what he was saying.

Things weren't how they use to be, times were changing, evolving and so were the packs.

"You wouldn't imagine the shit I have seen passing through packs."

Robby shook his head as if in disbelief himself.

"I believe the Moon Goddess has a plan for all of us and you're a fucking idiot for rejecting them but that's your prerogative."

He chuckled under his breath with a sneer.

"It's best if you stay out of the house for a while, we don't need anymore incidents."

I stood as he did, giving a single nod to show I agreed.

As much as I hated what I have done, it was deserved.

At least I thought so.

There was no boundary I wouldn't cross when Benjamin was involved.

"Now, I have to go and apologize to my mate."

Robby's shoulders slumped as he left his office and I had the suspicion that he was scared of my little brother.

[beef-brisket]

Lute: Vox and Valentino have been put in solitary confinement for two weeks. If they cause any issues at any point during those two weeks, their punishment time will be doubled. Sneaky fuckers. Well done today Adam.

Adam: uh... what for?

Lute: most would be too much of a pussy to taser somewhere so delicate. But you said fuck that! I like it. I like you, Adam, I like how you think

Adam: I... thank you?

Lute: you're very welcome. At first, I was a tad concerned about you. But today, you kicked ass.

Adam: I guess I did- but Lucifer did a majority of the ass kicking

Lute: don't sell yourself so low, Adam. Lucifer is an odd one. But you fight for justice. For the little people. And you fucked an assholes ability to have any future kids! Fucking hilarious!

Adam: i-i did what!? I didn't want to... burst his nut or anything-

Lute: fuck. His. Balls.

Adam: ...I'd rather not, lute.

Lute: no. Seriously. Fuck. Him!

Adam: I am being serious Lute! I'd rather not-

Lute: fuck up everything that makes that fucking loser a man! Cut his fucking dick off! Adam, I'll get you a knife from our weapons bay. Everyone here will know not to fuck with you! Unless they want their ducks cut off and their balls crushed!

Adam: ...uh-

Lute: wait here! I'll get you your new weapon!

Adam: Lute! I don't need a knife-! And she's gone... great... that's what I'm known for now... fucking- ball teasing... what is my life-

Adam jumped as his phone started ringing, it's Sera. Just when he thought this day couldn't get any worse.

Adam: hey ma...

Sera: oh Adam! I heard what happened! Are you okay?

Adam: yeah I'm fine, you should see the other guy

Adam chuckled at his joke, but of course, Sera took it seriously.

Sera: oh, I heard sweety! Ball teaserer! We need to celebrate!

Adam: god- please- don't do anything ma! I don't need to celebrate! This is nothing! Really!

Sera: ...I'll let it go- this once!

Adam: okay- good, thank you!

The conversation was quick, thankfully. Why was she surprised he got attacked? It's a prison! Adam knew there was a chance even before he got the job.

After getting checked by the nurse, Lute let Adam go home early. With his new knife. He really hoped he never had to use it.

He deserves a little gift for taking a punch at work. Maybe burgers for tea? Yeah, that sounds good.

Adam basically ran to his car, excited for dinner. It's time to have a relaxing rest of the day, before tomorrow.

Adam: fucking- burger time!

Alternative Prison Au

@fanofstuff01 @beef-brisket

Adam walked through the doors of the prison in his new guard uniform. He was of course nervous to be working with very violent people, but his mother helped get him the job here.

A woman with short hair greeted him.

Lute: Hello, you must be Adam.

Adam: I am.

Lute: The names Lute Danger. I'll be your commanding officer for the time being. Let me show you around where you'll be working.

She showed him where everything was and where the prisoners are.

Lute: You need to be tough or they will walk all over you. Some will listen, most won't. Don't be afraid to get a little forceful. It's your life or theirs.

As she explained the rules to Adam, one inmate in particular was watching their exchange.

Lucifer internally: Maybe..... Just maybe he could be my ticket out of here.

[lasseizlesbontempsrouler]

States pronouns and how they react when you ask. You don't have to do all of them, and you don't have to if you've already done it

AK - "uhm.. i don't know. he/him i guess" or "[fucking ignores you]" giggles he <3 AL - "those uh. them there boy ones yeah. uh roll tide?" he/him AR - ":stares at you with those eyes of his: why don't you guess" he/him, but he won't get pissed off if you use they/them AZ - "he/she." he says nothing further, just fades into the distance CA - "oh! he/him!! what about yours?" "[prns]" "oh! cool! you know i once had a friend who also used [prns]!" CO - "huh? oh. any i guess" CT - they/them or he/him but he doesn't directly tell you he shoves an index card in your face that says "he/they. stop asking" DE - "whatever you want i don't care" he genuinely doesn't care FL - "hehe uh ur mom" genderfluid arc. he never tells anyone, louisiana just knows. GA - "[snoring]" he/him + she/her but like. only if you're super close HI - "she/her and he/him" IA - "what? oh minnesota was talking about those" he/him ID - "they.. them?" IL - "???" he/him. chicago would spit on you (uses any prns) IN - ":] yes" mostly he/him, but likes other ones used from time to time KS - "JKNBI uh he/him i guess?" he was mid ranch bottle why did you interrupt him KY - "i don't know" doesn't know. use he/him for now LA - "they/he. mais, et tu sha?" i guess he knows french. also stfu nb (still he/him using) loui supremacy MA - "he" MD - "anything works hon, i'm not picky?" he's handing you an old bay can. all prns maryland ME - "i don't know." they/them MI - "[choking on vernors noises]" he/him or they/them, but never use both in the same sentence about him MN - "ope! he/him works just fine right now, don'tcha know! how about you?" genderfluid minnesota. MO - "wait what? uh he/him i think.." use they/them in case MS - "he/him please :] how about you?" MT - "[read 2:47]" they/he NC - "he/she. you?" ND - "uh sure whatever" literally uses any NE - "[n/a]" he/it NH - "[stares at you] he. he/him" NJ - "[probably punches you in the dick and slurs you]" he/him NM - ".. he/they" NV - "currently he/she check again later" genderfluid nevada drools NY - "[bites you]" he/xe OH - "uh" literally will use any pronouns prefers the he/it ones ngl OK - "okay and" he/him OR - "uh they/he? yours?" PA - ":/ he/him" RI - "[kicks your ankles] he/him. CAUSE I'M HIM ALRIGHT" SC - "the fuck is a pronounce" he/him SD - "deez nuts" they/them TN - "[guitar noises]" he/they TX - "i don't use those" he/him UT - "i don't believe in pronouns :]" he/him VA - "[stares at you like an owl]" she/he VT - "literally kys" they/them WA - "they/he or she. how about you huh?" WI - "[passed out]" any prns WV - "no" no prns OR they/them is you must WY - "why" he/him

[mrsnegan]

Absolutely love your writing!!!! I was wondering if you could write a smutty story with a reader telling Negan she’s got a daddy kink and praise kink which he obliges too ❤️

[Hi anon, thank you so much for the compliment! 😍 I feel so honored you love my writing. Sorry it took me a while to write for your request, but here it is, a very smutty fic. I hope you enjoy it, my dirty mind absolutely went nuts, haha. 😅]

Warnings: smut, daddy kink, dirty talk, rough sex, praise kink, oral sex

It was one of those evenings in the Sanctuary which were spent with drinking games and a lot of drunk laughter. You were part of the group around Negan, Simon and a few other men and women who went on raids and kept everything going. It was a good job which guaranteed you a room of your own, some extra points and access to the inner circle, so to say. Even if working with Negan could be a bit, well, complicated, you liked it here. It weren't just his mood swings or the fact he had five wives which stepped on your nerves, it was the man himself who made you feel...tingly. You had a thing for your boss, something which wasn't ideal in this kind of world. Especially with him being so foul-mouthed and straight with everything he said and did. He drove you mad and made you want to throw yourself at him at any given chance.

Drinking some of the cheap whiskey you had found on a raid, you tried to forget about your horny feelings towards Negan and listened to the dirty confessions of Simon.

"What about you, Y/N, any kinks you want to talk about? This or drink the whole bottle", Simon grinned drunkenly at you.

You froze completely, not expecting him to adress you next and with such a mean question too.

"That's...that's not fair. If I trink the whole bottle, I will definitely be wasted for days."

He just grinned wider, motioning for you to go on. "Then spill, don't be a baby about it, we're all adults here."

You eyed Negan who sipped his whiskey, seemingly amused about Simon's question.

Gulping visibly, you looked at your hands

You could lie, of course, but you knew Simon would see through you, so you decided to answer honestly.

"I...well...I do have a Daddy and praise kink."

The silence made you cringe, then you heard Simon laugh loudly, the others joined in too.

"Who the fuck knew Miss Tough Bitch is a good fucking girl, ready to do anything for Daddy?"

You could punch him in the face, you were furious for being forced to talk about this. Negan witnessing all of it made the whole situation even worse.

"Yeah, well, excuse me, I'm done with this shit", you said without looking in their faces, standing up and leaving the room - not without slamming the door for good purpose.

When you reached your room, you slammed this door shut too and plopped on your bed. The buzz of the alcohol clearly ebbed away, you sobered minutely with what just happened. Of course it was a stupid game, though talking about this in front of Negan was just...the worst feeling ever.

The knock on your door made you jump, but you just threw your head into your pillow. The next knock was louder, you couldn't ignore it anymore.

"Go away Simon, I don't wanna talk."

The door opens anyway, making you groan into the pillow. "I said go away."

"That's a fucking rude way to speak to your boss", you heard Negan's deep and amused voice some feet away from you.

Your heart beat fast all of a sudden, your body sat straight in your bed, your eyes meeting his.

"I'm sorry Negan, I just want to be alone."

"No need to be alone, doll, and absolutely no fucking need to be ashamed of what turns you on. Your little confession made me rock-hard, not gonna lie."

With your mouth slightly agape, you just stared at him flabbergasted.

"Don't look at me like this, you're definitely no virgin and I ain't either. I knew about your little crush on me for quite a while, I have my eyes everywhere, and I feel fucking flattered. You're a damn sight for sore eyes and tough as hell. Where's the fun in this world if not in fooling around a bit? And by fooling around I specifically mean fucking around." He smirked down at you, the honesty in his words was as clear as the fact your underwear was drenched with every word he said.

Negan took a few steps into your direction, coming to a halt right in front of you, his crotch coming into view right in front of your face.

"So, Y/N, what do you say? Do you wanna have some fucking fun too? If yes, then be a good fucking girl and suck Daddy's cock." He said every word with such ease and tease, you couldn't comprehend what was happening right in front of you, literally.

But the moan that left your lips, this treasonous sound, told him everything he needed to know.

His hands wound themselves in your hair, giving your scalp a good massage, before he pressed your head forward towards his clothed center. Your lips came into contact with the outline of his cock and your inner slut couldn't stop kissing the material of his jeans.

"Fuck, so impatient for Daddy's cock, aren't you? Say it, say how much you want it."

He let you a bit to give you some room to answer him.

You looked up with hodded eyes, your shame of being this turned on was clouded with the sheer lust you felt in your whole body.

"Wanna suck your cock so badly, Daddy", you groaned against his grip and earned a low chuckle from the man himself.

"That's what I like to hear. It's all yours, doll."

You opened his belt immediately, then the button and fly of his trousers before you gripped it with both hands, pulling it down to free his proudly erect cock. It somehow didn't surprise you at all that Negan didn't wear any underwear. With his hands still tangled in your hair, he pushed you forward again, this time your mouth closed around his length, going as far down as possible.

"Fuck, deep-throating me with the first go? Damn, doll, you're hungry for Daddy."

Stuffed with his impressive length, you only managed to nod, earning a deep groan from him.

You retreated a bit, just to go down as far as your throat allowed, spluttering around him. Repeating your motion over and over again, your worked him up quite a bit, his moans turning louder, the grip in your hair tighter. With the next push downwards, he held your head there for some seconds, making you swallow around him, struggling not to panic because of the lack of oxygen.

"Fuck", Negan praised impressed, letting you of you completely so you could pull back, gasping for air. Your face was a complete mess of spit, tears and desire, like a painting of depravity.

"I nearly came down that gorgeous throat of yours, such a good girl. Though I wanna cum somewhere else."

He took a long look at you, before he spoke again.

"Strip for Daddy, doll."

You did what you were told in an instant, getting rid off your clothes, revealing inch after inch of skin. Negan observed you with a heated gaze while he stroked himself to the imagine in front of you.

You layed back on your back, opening your legs for him, your wet pussy on full display.

Negan groaned, pulling off his leather jacked before he got down on his knees. Without further ado he clothed his mouth over your pussy, tasting your arousal straight from the source.

You threw your head back at the immense pleasure you felt. He ate you out like a pro, like he lived from eating pussy alone. His tongue circled your clit, sucking it into his mouth and you screamed his name. You felt him smile against your center, his scruffy beard the most delicious contrast to his soft lips. When he pushed two fingers into your tight channel, pumping them just the right way, you exploded, creaming his fingers.

"Good fucking girl, you taste delicious", he praised, retreating so he could take off his white shirt and step out of his trousers.

"Ready for another one?", he asked, fisting himself to the sight of your quivering body.

"Yes Daddy, please fuck me."

"Yeah, that's what I like to hear. Turn around, doll, wanna fuck you from behind."

Of course you complied, turning on all fours, ass in the air.

He didn't hesitate and pulled your hips back against his center, entering you with one smooth thrust.

"Damn, doll, you feel fucking tight around me, so damn nice."

You moan at his words, looking over your shoulder get a look at his face.

"Please Daddy...harder..."

Negan laughed at your impatience but clearly decided you had earned it, so he held you tightly while plunging in and out of you in a fast pace.

"Fuck Daddy, you're so big." In every other situation you would feel absolutely horrified by your words, a cliché though and through, but it was the truth, he was big, hitting all the right spots inside of you as if he had always known how you liked to get fucked.

"Yeah doll, you feel fucking amazing, so good for me", he said out of breath. His right hand wound itself in your hair, tugging at it to bend your body the way he liked.

"Will you let me use you, princess? Will you be Daddy's little fuck doll?"

His words came straight out of a porno or your own depraved fantasy. There was no way you could keep silent after his words which hit just the right nerve. Moaning loudly for him, you tried your best to use your words.

"Y-yes Daddy, want you to use me, please. Pl-please, want to be good for you."

You heard Negan's smile bleeding through his own moan before he pushed your head down into the sheets, your upper body following suit. With your ass still up in the air, he thusted in and out of you mercilessly, all the while keeping his hand on the side of your face, pressing you down. He manhandled you, nothing that should turn you on, but your dripping pussy told you otherwise. He fucked into you hard, using your hole to get himself off, pistoning his hips faster and faster.

"Shit, such a good fuck doll for me, so obedient. That's how you like it, don't you? Getting used and praised for it."

You groaned into the sheets, spit dripping down.

"Yeah, I just knew you liked it this way. Daddy always knows what a perfect little slut you are for him."

Negan's hand lifted your head again, the position driving pain through your nerve endings.

"Do you wanna cum?"

"Fuck..yes, Daddy", was all you managed to say before he let you off your hair completely, moving his hand towards your center to draw tight circles on your clit. The extra pressure was enough for you to see stars. You came screaming his name, shaking in his tight grip, creaming his cock beautifully.

"Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about, so shit-hot."

He drove himself into you a few more times before he pulled out and came groaning right on your ass.

Long minutes followed in which no one of you said a word, the only sound being the heavy panting of the both of you.

Negan leaned down to kiss your spine after what felt like an eternity, reaching for one of the tissues on your night stand to clean you up. When you turned around, still shaking and out of breath, he surprised you by meeting your lips in a sweet kiss, the first one you shared, ever. After all the naughty fucking you expected him to leave immediately, but he seemed to have other plans, wrapping you in the sheets your bed to keep you warm.

"Thank you, but you don't have to do that", you told him, looking into his eyes.

"Nah, I'm a gentleman, even if I like a good dirty fuck like we just shared. Besides, you're a dream, doll, the perfect little slut between the sheets, a badass woman in the streets. Daddy's proud of you."

You couldn't help but blush at his words, knowning well he was definitely right.

"Only for you, Daddy, only for you."

---

Taglist: @iluvneganandjamie @happysgal @negans-attagirl @you-a-southpaw-doll

[bcdwhcre]

hiii hope your having an amazing day :) do you make headcanons? if you do and if you don't mind can i request headcanons for Izuku, Bakugo, and Denki about being in a secret relationship (i really love your stories about characters being in a secret relationship) and them accidentally outing their relationship because something happened (you can choose what happened) thank you so much!! also if you dont do headcanons you can choose one from the three on the imagine ❤️ I'm sorry if this is confusing 😅

“Secret Relationships,” Midoriya, Bakugou and Denki headcanon

YES IM GLAD YOU REQUESTED THIS UGH, I gotta do my sweet baby Bakugou first🥺

Summary: having a secret relationship with one of the guys and it’s get leaked.

Each section would probably be a little short, I apologize in advance🥺

Warnings: none!

.

.

.

Bakugou:

The relationship between you and Bakugou was always strange but once the students had to move on campus in the dorms, it turned into a whole different story.

The secret meetups late at night in his room, turned into nothing more than a secret relationship. The way your sleep schedule was beyond screwed up from being up late in his room and having to wake up early to go back to your room before anyone noticed.

It had been going on for months so by now you were used to the secrets and sneaking around along with barely having any sleep the next day while in class.

The more the relationship progressed, the more Bakugou would steal quick glances at you and even when you were in the kitchen with the other students, he would purposely slide behind you and touching your back in the process.

One day in particular, the class had decided to have a game night and he wasn’t too thrilled about joining in. He had tried to convince you to come back to his room but you had told him it would make things obvious if only the two of you were absent.

He huffed, at this point he didn’t really care about the class nor their opinions on anything. He was a ball of fire afterall so when he saw you sitting with the class as they gathered up board games, he was over with keeping things a secret, he wanted it to be known that you were his and he wanted you upstairs in his room.

“I don’t wanna play this stupid game night.” Bakugou said in front of everyone but he was directing it towards you and you tried to ignore him.

“That’s fine, you don’t have to be here dude.” Kirishima patted his back, sitting down at the table and he huffed out a breath dramatically, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m not talking to any of you idiots.. Y/N.” He said your name sternly, like he was giving you a direct order by the look of his red eyes.

“Why are you so worried about Y/N being here with us?” One of the classmates mentioned and you had cursed under your breath, Bakugou was acting like a child.

“Because I want my girlfriend upstairs with me.” Bakugou angrily said, everyone growing quiet and you had gulped the lump in your throat, well there goes the secret.

Everyone’s eyes had landed on you and your cheeks turned a dark shade of red before you slide the chair back and stood up. You have never felt this embarasssed in your life, he could’ve done this any other time in a completely different way but of course the asshole had to make everything a big deal.

“No way,” Denki mumbled, trying to hold the laugh that was begging to come out.

You dismissed yourself, walking over to where Bakugou was and punched his arm as hard as you could, cursing under your breath and he smirked while wrapping his arm around your shoulders, winking back at the rest of the class.

“God, you’re so fucking embarrassing, Katsuki.” You muttered, following him to the elevator to go up and he tugged you closer.

“Oh shut up, you love it.”

As you two waited for the elevator, you couldn’t help the feel the classes eyes on the both of you. It was even more humiliating as you had to wait for the doors to slide open. You heard a few of them whisper about you two being a thing, some had mentioned how obvious it was and some mentioned had you two were complete opposites.

Bakugou obviously didn’t care, instead he liked to annoy everyone, especially you. So hearing people whisper about had fed onto the asshole ego he had, making his large hand grab your chin and give you a rough kiss on the lips in front of everyone.

The way your face was completely red at this point and all he did was give the classmates a evil grin before dragging you into the elevator and pushing the button for his floor.

“Why can’t you ever be casual?”

“Do you not know me? I’m far from casual.” He nudged you gently, laughing at your tomato red face and moved his thumb to brush across your cheek.

“Yeah, clearly.”

.

.

Denki:

You had a crush on Denki for what seemed like forever. Since the first moment you met him on the first day of school till now. It was pretty obvious how much you liked him. Eventually you became bold enough to ask him to hang out.

Now you two have been dating for only a few weeks, you both had agreed to keep it private to enjoy the privacy and the time alone before the classmates end up finding out.

Of course you knew Denki a little too well at this point, you knew he would end up slipping up the secret sooner or later but it didn’t entirely bother you that it’ll happen.

And you were right, after a training exercise and having to go through some obstacle course that Aizawa had set up, he had sparked a fuse and as his brain suffered a shortage, his mouth had instantly opened and talked about you.

You couldn’t help but be over protective when he did go through that shortage phase, quickly taking care of him and making sure he was comfortable was a habit you picked up.

“So pretty.” He muttered as he reached for you in front of everyone and you froze in your place until he had wrapped his arms around you, clinging onto your body.

Your cheeks flushed, grabbing onto his body and holding him up straight so he didn’t lose his balance. He continued to mutter words like how you’re so pretty and he even slipped up how he was lucky to have you.

“Aww, Denki is in love.” Sero had laughed at his state, making you roll your eyes and become more protective.

“Nothing wrong with that.” You admitted, stroking your fingers through his hair and dragged him over to sit down.

His head had rested on top of yours, his tall frame giving you a tight hug and you had choked on the air you were breathing on from how openly clingy he was acting in front of the entire class including Mr. Aizawa.

“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Midoriya had teased, the smirk on his face made you grow embarrassed.

“No.”

“Yes, we are.” Denki cut you off, his arms still around yours and the goofy smile on his face only got bigger.

“Y/N is mine. Only mine, I don’t want to see- I don’t want to see any of you near... what’s mine.” He managed to stumble out, his face turning blank like he had forgotten what he was talking about.

“Jesus,” You laughed, putting your hand over his mouth, glancing at your classmates.

You stayed quiet, dragging him away from the rest of the class and forced him to drink some water and sit down on a chair to relax until he went back to his normal state.

You will admit that he was cute and the way he openly told everyone what was his, which was you, had made your heart flutter.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Denki.”

“Am I?”

.

.

.

Midoriya:

It had taken forever for Izuku to catch onto your hints on liking him and wanting to hang out with him more. Of course he was very oblivious and didn’t catch on for weeks, even months before you got frustrated and had been straight forward with him.

The both of you being completely shy balls made everything a lot more difficult, the hints he threw at you and the hints your threw at him had completely flew over both of your heads, it was quite ridiculous.

You knew Midoriya wasn’t going to make the first move, you knew he was too big of a anxiety nut to even be bold enough to tell you to your face that he likes you in ways that was more than friends. So you did it on your own.

It hadn’t even been a week of you two officially dating until Izuku slipped it up to Todoroki when ranting about how amazing you were and how much he loved watching your quirk in action.

Once he had revealed the secret, he had told Todoroki to keep his mouth shut and not talk about it again but later that day, Izuku slipped up to another one of your classmates, Ashido.

It wasn’t long until he had slipped up to the whole entire class and now everyone knew that you two were a fresh couple. The side comments the students would make to you both and embarrass the both you, making the shyness in you two grow and cause you to stutter to no end.

“I think you two are cute!” Ashido had mentioned, trying to assure you that it wasn’t a big deal that everyone already knew.

“You knew Midoriya can’t keep a secret for long.” She commented, making you laugh and agree to what she said.

You couldn’t blame him though, he was a little too excited to be dating his crush that he couldn’t help but talk about you constantly to all his friends. He couldn’t help but stare at you and want to talk about how pretty you are and the characteristics he liked most about you.

It was in his nature, he was proud and lucky that he just had that urge to tell the whole world about you and it made butterflies explode in your stomach and it also made you want to kiss him desperately but you decided to not do that in front of everyone.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to tell anyone right away.” He mumbled towards you, the look of guilt washing over his features and you shook your head, embracing him in a tight hug.

“Don’t be sorry! I’m glad you told people.”

.

.

,

ANNND finished, I’m sorry it’s short. I usually go longer when it’s one character at a time but I hope it’s good🤧

PLSSSS send in more my hero requests!! I’m obsessed

• Main Masterlist •

• MHA Masterlist •