#and i'll figure something else out after that.
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Fun thought.
The reader having feelings for someone else and even trying to kind of pursue them before her engagement to Dion.
Nothing serious, but I think it’d be very serious for Dion.
Hahaha
HAHAHA
WARNINGS: yandere themes, obsessive and possessive behavior/thoughts, implied thoughts of murder, physical violence, choking, black mail, blood/self harm (Dion'd nails dig into his skin), thoughts of kidnapping the Reader. Please tell me if I missed any. Suggestive as well.
I don't really consider this a spoiler, but I'll put it utc just in case.
===
Murder is the only thing on bro's mind. Well, that and the urge to kidnap you - it's always been a thought he shoves to the back of his mind. While tempting, it wouldn't work in his favor.
You see, back when he was 18 and you 17, he noticed that something was different about you around the time you had this... Crush.
Prettier dresses that showed a bit of your figure (everything you wore was pretty, but the style changed into something slightly more mature, but clearly still appropriate for your age. You had stopped wearing such clothing once the worthless man rejected you in favor for a woman who would cheat on him a month into the relationship. It was funny.
And little did he know that Dion was the one who steered that woman to his direction - money speaks louder than words. And carnal lust sometimes overtakes genuine feelings, especially when the 'love interest' was saving themselves for marriage. Not always, but there's always that one person).
It was a fleeting crush, but a crush is still a romantic and perhaps even a physical attraction - did you imagine that man kissing you? Hold you in a warm hug? Holding hands in the stairwell as you both escape from the busy ball room? Did you imagine whispering sweet nothings to each other under the stars?
No.
He wouldn't have it.
He noticed it during a gathering one day. Narrow crimson eyes as the second floor railing cracked under his grip, holding back every urge that would result in bloodshed.
You giggled with that man. Shyly smiled like a school girl. Seek him out in crowds. Brushed your fingers against his by 'accident' and whenever that would happen a faint shade of pink would spread on the apple of his cheeks. Innocent 'love' that you clearly deserved, but Dion has always been selfish.
Too selfish.
When you confessed, his nails broke skin, digging into his palm as he balls them into fists. He saw red. He thought about killing the bastard, but you were in Yggdrasil. Neutral land that was on the verge of cracking if someone made a move. Peace was never stable but breaking it right now?
Probably a bad idea.
The man told you, after a long pause, that he would think about it.
Obviously, you felt dejected. And Dion wanted nothing more than to sweep you into his arms, keep you, chain you up, hide you, isolate you -
Dion Agriche was always selfish. So much so that he put aside his true nature just to have you. But his leash is thin, ready to snap. No matter how much he wants you to want him in the same manner he does, he tries to keep his claws and teeth hidden.
Without realizing it, he had become your dog.
It's your fault. You changed him. Ruined him and there's an ugly part of him that wants to ruin you. Of course, he doesn't want to break you, he wants you to smile genuinely at him, maybe even kiss him.
He always feels disgusted with himself. But he yearns for you.
So much so that he made a plan to have the man walk away from you. He was 18, Dion's age, but his sexual urges were starting to show.
A woman who agreed to seduce him for money and to break his heart.
A knife grazing his neck. Hands around his neck as he choked him. Promises to ruin him and his family.
Listen, it's not just a crush to him. It's competition. A threat. Only because it's you, and the fear in your eyes the day you got rejected when you met his eyes? It could have driven you to another man, had you figured out he wanted you.
It's not a crush.
It's you taunting the beast that is Dion Agriche.
#yandere x reader#yandere#twtptflob#dion agriche#dion agriche x reader#the way to protect the female lead's older brother#yandere dion agriche#male yandere#yandere x you#twtptflob x reader#roxana#deon agrece
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Yall i got super carried away
I wanted to draw some ideas I had of Trollex and Synth's parents and ended up with a sorta au and a little techno troll worldbuilding.
"Egg? I think you mean ball"
I like to think that Trollex was one of those kids that absolutely hated the idea of a sibling. One of those kids that gives the parents the meanest/most concerned side eye when he's first introduced to his sibling.
I think part of it is also cause Trollex had a very poor understanding of what a sibling was. Like his mom told him something like
"its like having a best friend for the rest of your life!"
"the rest of my life???" and he then thought Synth was going to stay small and crying for the rest of his life.
Idk I thought it was kinda funny.
But as they grow up they get more used to each-other and they argue(as siblings do) but they do end up becoming each other's best friend.
Anyway I imagine Synthia traveled a lot before meeting unamed other mom. Like her genre of music is still techno, just like techno adjacent?
Like I really like the idea of there being other smaller groups of techno trolls, like deep water techno trolls would be like maybe 2bit game-type music. Fresh water might be like idk techno pop, since they're closer to the other troll kingdoms. Oh wait no they're vocaloid.
Hatsune Miku Techno Troll.
Other mom is currently unnamed, I thought about calling her Beat-atrice like a play on Beatrice? She'd go by Queen Beat or Bea(Synthia would call her Bea) But idk, l'm still unsure. Anyway she's the Queen and I wanted her/her side to look more like Synth than Trollex cause i think it'd be fun to explore the feeling of a young King Trollex still trying to figure out how to rule without his parents' guidance and the fact that he looks so unlike his mom/past rulers would kind of be like the cherry on top yknow?
As much as he knows its foolish to think part of him wonders if Synth would be a better King than him, Synth is like the spitting image of their Mom/their Grandad.
When his mom was alive, she was always busy with Queenly duties and he never spent much time with her, (I have lore stuff for her too, I went a lil overboard) but one thing he does remember is that his Mom admired his grandad for being a good strong ruler. Thats why he's named after him. So he can't help but wonder if he's doing things right, if he's a good king, if his parents would be proud, if he's doing his grandfathers name justice and ruling the techno trolls in the right direction.
Uhh what else, I feel like Trollex would see his mom a lot in Synth. Mostly cause the 2 look so similar, but since Trollex never got to know his mom he doesnt realize that personality-wise he and his mom are super similar.
They probably would've gotten closer and formed a really tight bond as he grew up and was learning how to rule from her. Too bad that didn't happen.
Also Synth doesn't remember his parents. At all, he's seen their pictures so he knows what they look like but thats all he remembers them as, as pictures. It kinda killed Trollex when Synth told him that. Everyone else remembers them as rulers, but he remembers them as his moms, and even his memory of them as his moms have faded and warped overtime.
I have more tumbling around in my brain, most of it revolves around unnamed mom and her grandad/her family but I've got some ideas about Synthia's character and her life/family too.
Idk of I'll make more art or about it tho, might just write a bunch of words and post it lol.
#lumish art#digital art#digital fanart#techno trolls#trolls trollex#trollex and synth are siblings#king trollex#trolls fanart#trolls 2#trolls ocs#trolls worldbuilding#trolls world tour#got carried away with an idea#ocs#au thing#trolls au(?)#Queens of Techno Au
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Lux Imperator/Mr. Ring-A-Ding NSFW headcannon!!!
I can imagine Lux/Ring being too energetic with his partner’s real body. Like he forgets the limits of the body and how sensitive it is. But that's what he loves about it.
i did this while i was fangirling over the toon. So here is this. (a little sloppy, i know).
WARNING: this will contain the reader being overstimulated, bondage with film strip, and Lux being an ass and not taking no for an answer.
“Aw come on sunshine, pretty please~” Lux begged you with puppy dog eyes, his hands just below his blue cartoon head in a pleading manner. Lux/Ring has been begging to play with you ever since you came to work at the theatre.
“Lux, you know how you get when you're energetic! You're reckless and careless, today I want to actually get some work done around here.” You declared down at him as you sweeped the dust off of the floor.
“Every time you want to play that game, I have to walk around with bruises and a tired body the whole day.” You huffed out while still keeping your eyes away from Lux.
“Oh come on babe! Just one round of patty cake. I promise that I will be extra-extra-EXTRA careful!” Lux continued as he hopped to your feet and pleaded. He made sure to put emphasis on the last extra. But you know that that was a broken promise.
You finally got the courage to look down from your broom and at Lux, a hard annoyed expression was still on your face. But that was hard to maintain even after seeing his sad, hopeless, glossy eyes.
Lux lip pushed out, all wobbly and pouty. He took his hat off to try and show you he really meant it, but you still didn’t trust it. You were also sure that there were violins playing a sad tune somewhere in the distance. Gosh he was dramatic…
“ugh…” you grunted out, slowly swiping your hand from your forehead to the bottom of your face. You knew you were going to regret this later. Lets just hole Lux will keep his promise to be careful this time.
“Fine, we can play patty cake…” You finally grunted out. Now giving the celluloid your full permission after hearing all of his whining. Ever since you came to work, playing with you was the only thing on his mind.
And by play, Lux means patty cake, and by patty cake…
well…you know what he means…
“Oh Stars! You won't regret this dearest! I'll make sure you have so much fun, you won’t even be able to breathe…”
“Lux!…Chill out!…” You whined out, trying to get Lux’s attention. But from your perspective, the celluloid was too busy using his fingers on something else. And that something else was you, your lower region.
You laid upon an old couch in a storage room within the theater. The old leather scraped upon your back, making you writhe in discomfort. But the discomfort was blanketed by the overwhelming pleasure as Lux sat between your legs.
One of Lux’s arms wrapped around your left leg, keeping you in place as he worked through you. The other was propped up on his hip so you were spread out in front of him.
Lux twisted and turned his fingers on and within you, playing with you, overstimulating you. His hands worked magic, but it honestly was its curse. Nomatter how hard you plead for him to either slow down or be gentle, it just falls on deaf ears. Instead, he will tell you that you could take more, and that you will take more of him.
His cute man/bug/pig face held so much admiration when he played with you. Lux’s eyes narrowed and were half lidded. His mouth turned into a snarky smirk, barely showing his pearly whites. The celluloids thin eyebrows furrowed and his antennae twisted and shook.
It wasn’t rocket science to figure out that he was focused on what seems like a puzzle piece. Lux’s body only worked to solve you, and give his full attention to you.
However, what Lux failed to realize was that he was overworking it. His hands fastened their pace and used more pressure than ever before. Lux often forgets how sensitive the human body is. But to him, that was the fun of it. Lux adored the way your body writhed under him. To him, that just means he was doing a good job in pleasuring you.
But in all honesty, Lux didn’t care what he did to bring you pleasure just as long as you singed for him, and only him.
Then with the flick of his hand, he had managed to bring you to a full buck underneath his hand. “Lux!… Chill, Please!” You cried out as you brought your hand out to grab his blue one, tring to make him stop for just a moment to catch your breath. The pleasure was now becoming too much for you to handle. You need to tap out before he does anything else, and you wanted to get some work done today.
“Oh ho ho! Aren’t you sensitive today…I was being as gentle as I can be sunshine!” Lux brought his eyes from your lower parts to your eyes. You can see Lux trying to mask his mischievous face with a caring one, but you can see right through his mask. “Like hell you are! I can see what you are planning, so stop!” You argued, trying to push his hand away from your groin. But it was stuck as glue.
What made your hand falter and lose grip was that he did a swift flick of his hand, hitting a sweet spot. This action alone causes your body to weaken with pleasure. You drew out a loud sharp and breathy moan, your back arched away from the couch. And Lux threw out his famous laugh, except this time it was lower and quieter. It was more possessive.
Nobody knew your body like Lux did.
“Oh please, quite being such a baby. I'm just trying to relax you from a hard day of work. Won't Chu let me at least do that for you? Oh, how you worked so hard to feed me light, my little ray of sunshine…” Lux spoke smoothly, his voice was more lower, more scratchier, more sensual.
Normally, you would quickly melt just from his voice and his touch. Both were oh so delightful to feel and hear. Though, from past experiences, you know this was a tactic from Lux to get you to stay and let him use you dry. That little sly fox.
You could feel Lux slowly tightening his grip on your lower half, trying not to be noticed by you. You learned from your past mistakes, so this time you were not going to let it slide.
As quickly as you could, you sat up to try and pry Lux off of you. You are not leaving here with wobbly legs.
“Lux, please! I have to get back to-”
“Hold ‘er down, ladies!”
Suddenly, film strips had slid out from under the storage room door, and into the room. You feel yourself getting tied down by the wrists, making sure you cannot get up. They weren’t tight, but they were firm. They did not hold you down enough to hurt you, these “ladies” of his seem to not want to hurt you if anything.
You could hear Lux chuckle in front of you. That fucker knows what he is doing, and he knows that he is winning this fight.
“Don’t you worry sweet-cheeks, i’ll be sure to give little ol’ Pye a notice that you were feeling a little spent from today's work…”
I know this little fucker just LOVES to ruin you. Leaving you a sweaty, shaky, teary eyed mess just from him. He loves the thought of pushing your body to the limits.
Lux finds the sounds and faces you do pleasing to him. So he likes to make this a routine between you and him.
#x reader#mr. ring a ding#mr ring a ding x reader#mr ring a ding#lux imperator#lux imperator x reader#doctor who lux#doctor who#doctor who mr ring a ding#i need this toon so bad#Lux is a cocky bastard
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Oh, how I have missed them
#speculation nation#suddenly feeling less reluctant about this. remembering Why im doing this in the first place.#still wont like filming but even just holding them again is so. so nice.#the one on the left is my antique violin. im not playing her today.#the one on the right is of course the electric violin. im gonna practice with it today#and then the middle is my main violin. the violin i played nearly every day for 6 years#(only reason it's not longer than that is bc i was an even smaller person and i needed a 3/4 size violin for the first two years lol)#i realized that it's been about 8 and a half years since i regularly played. which is longer than the 8 years that i actively played.#it's fucked up. my violins still feel like a part of me. my main violin especially.#but time. it just has a way of passing.#im doing this to ensure that i can get back to it tho. for at least one semester.#and i'll figure something else out after that.
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Loop's such an unreliable narrator that I find it hard to believe that the Party didn't recognize them at least a lil bit. It was just soooo not the time to have a snack break breakdown about two (2) Siffrin's and what that means metaphysically and theoretically (and for Isabeau, relationship wise)
#Isat#Isat spoilers#two hats spoilers#Isat loop#Isat Siffrin#LOOK. I JUST. CANT INAGINE LOOP WASNT RECOGNIZED AT LEAST A LIL BIT#IF FUCKING SIFFRIN CAN LOOK AT THIS RANDOM CELESTIAL BODY AND GO !! THATS ME!! IM SURE ISABEAU CAN FIGURE IT OUT#I dunno I think the fandom gives Loop too much credit for their narrative oversight#Like sure we see A LOT of things about them and know things Siffrin doesn't but... We don't see the parties reaction to Loop in full#We only get the after effects of ''pls thank them for us'' which... In sure Odile and Isabeau are sus about them#But my most guilty hc thing about this? I'm 200% Bonnie saw Loop and was like. That's Frin. But no one else said anything and they were lik#Is it a Change thing?? Would it be rude to call them Frin??? I'll just wait until an adult says something
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give this post a like to entertain my shenanigans <3 [receive a closed starter from gwynn the witch]
#ooc tbt#im still figuring out her voice :') even after all this time!#does anyone else have the same issue like-- when you are forming an original character i mean#do you make them up? because i feel like im moreso uncovering something that already exists.#like i'll know it because it will feel right when i pinpoint something well. but i really couldnt just improvise. i have to#hatch away at the marble and hope to uncover something :')#also sorry about the non-emmanuel content this blog turns into a multimuse once in a blue moon
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me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror
#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done#having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again#but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao#still stuck in the same place with no where else to go#and like#the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died#not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year#have to live with it now somehow#its not liberating to acknowledge#but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better#that kind of thing has to be built by hand#really feelin that pingu rn#anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something#might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork#trying to figure out how to make things manageable#maybe will make something silly just to break the ice#rompopolo calls
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Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.
#people lied about “once you have confidence nothing can take it away”#nah that shit can get killed when you're a fucking pitiful fool like me!#until the day when I actually make something that's important to anyone this is just me being a child-brained idiot scribbling words down#I used to think I was semi-decent... I did before Rascal but figured Rascal was inferior to my usual work#Then I felt bad about my writing bc of discouragement and locked my work up#felt a surge of confidence a couple of weeks before I started Seasons tho#then had some confidence after that until 2023 (lots of bad shit happened that year)#it evaporated quickly but I tried to maintain some#and now it's just like... me trying to pretend and “fake it till you make it” has never worked for me#but let's be real: the more I showed I liked myself the more bothersome that was for some people I was close to#and it's better to tear me down than lift me up#so I guess the problem is that I just don't belong in the writing world with anyone else#I'll never be good enough and I'm frankly too mentally fucking delayed to have figured it out (like everything else)#hahahahaha people keep telling me I'm autistic and my brother is autistic and my parents refused a diagnosis for me when the Dr mentioned i#and here I am probably too autistic to have ever figured out a damn thing except that I'm pretty good at reading and liking stuff!#but not skilled at anything else#just a reader and worthless as anything else#oh and I guess crocheting but I want none of you to have that part of me ever again
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went and got my brakes done today and now i really just want to crawl back into bed and sleep for about a year
#nothing like getting paid and then just watching the entire thing and then some disappear the same day#in any case i'm glad it's done and now i can drive without worrying about my brakes going out#i'm also hoping i didn't get scammed because something weird happened when i got there#i only mentioned the thing about the breaks but the first guy i talked to was like#'okay we'll get that started after i do the oil change'#and i was like ???#because i think it's only been about a month since my last one#and i definitely didn't say anything about that#i don't know if that's just standard procedure for getting new brakes but i thought that was very weird#he ended up just checking the oil level and sure enough it wast still good and full#but now i'm just sitting here wondering if this wasn't one of those things where it's like#'this dumb bitch doesn't even realize she just needed more brake fluid'#and instead they sold me all new brakes because y'know...money#i dunno#i'd really hope not i've always trusted them and felt like they've been honest with me#but i don't appreciate them trying to slide an extra service in on top of an already big bill like that#especially because oil changes themselves are not exactly cheap#dunno where else i'd go for things in the future since this was the kind of thing my dad helped me with#but i guess i'll figure it out#anyway and in any case it's done#and hopefully so too will be this dogshit week
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Someone fuckin save me I am so so so so tired
#speculation nation#just got done with orchestra. gotta get home and eat then get back to work on my website stuff#i can do it im fairly sure. i am just. so so so so so so tired#the kind of desperately tired where even just having my eyes open is a chore#i might... need to take a little nap or something. i dont know. rest my eyes for an hour or two.#i dont have much time but i feel like my brain is about to melt out of my ears#and at least i finished my header and footer stuff for my html pages#i just gotta put the content in. which has already been made. just gotta. figure out formatting.#and class is canceled tomorrow morning so i can sleep in. i just need to get through the last of this project. then i can rest a bit.#of course then i have a presentation on thursday but at least ive already organized that#so i just need to do my slide(s) and make sure everyone else has done theirs#since i went and appointed myself unofficial leader and organized the damn work allotment for everyone#since Someone had to do it. i gave it 3 days and no one did anything so i went ahead and did it myself.#that at least can wait until after class tomorrow ish. at the very least.#maybe i can do my dishes in the morning tomorrow. i dont think im gonna manage it today either.#but that begs the question of what the fuck im doing for dinner today. i have... two clean spoons. bc i washed them yesterday#i washed a bowl a fork and two spoons yesterday. i had none clean before. i have no clean bowls again.#my soul fuckin screaming for the love of god help me. ive got no clean dishes and im so desperately tired#and i have to finish making 6 web pages before midnight or im !!!!!!FUCKED!!!!!!#for now.. i just need to focus on getting home... i get home and then i'll figure Something out for food.....#ugh.......
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Something about Jonathan and Will building Castle Byers and that being the place where he hides in the Upside Down.
#just like the boys and castle byers and should i stay or should i go and the themes of safety and I'm#if I think about the Byers Brothers for too long I'll cry#there's also something else in here about Will destroying it and Jonathan being distance and the themes there#but i can't figure out how to say it#and like OBVIOUSLY there's another thing about should i stay or should i go and that song being safe for Will#and that like after his and Jonathan reconciliation at the end of s4 we're most likely opening S5 with it#like#*goes feral*#stranger things#jonathan byers#will byers#Byers Brothers
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uh
#me voice yeah i'll poke at that layton fic idea a lil more#(flashbang ringing dissipates)#this is theeeee outline. quote unquote. it's 17 pages of me rambling in circles like a crazy person#i have the General beginning/middle/end figured out but man something about it is just not clicking yet#i'll sleep on it. maybe a few times.#i can't even work on this properly til after nwos drops bc a lot of the cause/effect stuff that happens Relies on how things play out there#but everything else. gestures#i hesitate to say i cooked here. i entered the kitchen and got attacked by bees#will this ever become something? probably not#but it's fun to play around w ideas#skip speaks
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woooo my niece took 5 of my 13 lego sets, one of which was one of the three larger ones, so that's one huge box out of the way and i'm just glad she wanted them because like they ARE twenty years old and they look fine ofc but sometimes kids aren't gonna want stuff that isn't new and shiny ya know, but she did seem to want everything which would've been fine with me but i knew there was no way they would take all that with them, and at least i still have stuff of my own to sell, plus should get at least a cut of my brother's stuff for doing the inventory and putting together that stuff that wasn't already done
#i mentioned the hp sets and how they had been pretty much left together and he was like '....i had harry potter sets?'#which once he saw them he did think they were familiar which was some of my feeling with mine#like oh YEAH i do remember these i just didn't remember having so many#i mean between 13 sets it's really like 3 categories so i would've played with like the whole ice palace and its related sets#i do just wonder how it'll be at the store like everything is pretty much in fine shape#and probably there are people who want older stuff that's rarer and whatever now#BUT then there might be more of a demand for newer stuff at a better price or whatever idk#anyway 6 sets left in the upstairs and then the bionicles and statue of liberty are still in the attic#i'm still not convinced there couldn't be another box somewhere bc idk how to explain the few sets#that are missing so much that i can't actually do them bc even if we had gotten rid of some why would we not include the huge base or w/e#anyway we'll see! but i'm getting closer! and i did a little one this morning#that seemed to be complete it didn't list some of the pieces as extras but based on the instructions i figure they have to be#so i don't really need them like i'll include them if i find them and they're not needed for something else but yeah#anyway i can go back to fic though these first two at least are short so i may be going back to another one tomorrow#can't wait to have my room back though fr like#it is not the only thing making it feel messy because i have newer jewelry and clothes and stuff that i just have to organize and put away#but man the jewelry situation is just. it's not even having so many pieces it's like big earrings that take up a lot of space or whatever#so i just have not wanted to deal with it but it's kinda out of hand#but i can really think about that after this particular project is done#and do puzzles again oh my god i have 3 puzzles waiting for me at least#plus my mom always has a bunch to be done since everyone knows to buy her puzzles lol but that has also gotten out of hand#i wouldn't mind getting rid of a couple of mine though just bc it is like okay you do it but then you just have it and it takes up space#would be cool to have pretty ones framed tho
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#big oofs. someone who literally made me cry last year after they yelled at me about something#(that was somewhat justified but blown OUT of proportion and i was not given a chance to defend myself)#(because she had talked me the day prior about not inserting myself in things i don't need to be involved in. but that wasn't this)#(since it wasn't me inserting myself this time. it was me trying to act on concerns of someone else who wasn't sure how to bring it up)#(and i hadn't even gotten a chance to address the concerns before the person got mad at me for it. ANYWAY.)#the same person was rude to my mom over ticket sales. and my mom is like me. she expects everyone to be dumb and not read things.#because. people are dumb and don't read things. so she was very clear in her email about which ticket she needed to give back#and the person wrongfully assumed my mom didn't know what she was talking about and picked a different ticket#because i guess she is used to people not knowing what they want. even if my mom puts the exact ticket in bold in the email.#and they were like 'it's by the wall' and my mom had to be like 'yes. i know. i WANT that one. that's why i said specifically the other one#and so after that my mom texted me and was like 'why was she like that?' and i was like 'that sounds like her lol'#but really i was like girl. you can be rude to me. you were in charge of me. but my mom was clear. and you didn't listen to her.#and now you have to fix something that you wouldn't have had to fix had you just did precisely what she said.#i'm of the opinion that i'll do exactly what someone asks even if i think they don't know what they want.#so at least if they meant something else i can say it was not my fault. i did what they said. to a T.#anyway. i'm probably gonna see her later. when my parents arrive. so i'm debating going full on 'kill her with kindness'#and being like 'oh thank you SO MUCH for figuring out that ticket thing earlier. i know it was a weird request that's why i told my mom#specifically to write the exact ticket she wanted refunded in the email request since she wanted to be by the wall.'#and maybe even adding 'knowing my mom she probably underlined it or something just to really avoid confusion.'#but that might be too much and i do need to have a working relationship with this person.#but also since that time she made me cry i have avoided inserting myself in anything not costume related 95% of the time#and of course that leads to me seeing something wrong. not saying anything since it's not my business. and it backfiring weeks later.#like right now since i'm pretty sure one of the actors and our director have beef over a blocking change#that wasn't even that actor's idea it was an understudy's idea and they decided this like 2 weeks ago but never told the director#and i watched them discuss this blocking change and i was like 'should i tell them to talk to the director... no Hope. mind your business.'#and now it's a tiny bit of drama (that hopefully has been resolved but i don't know) and maybe i could have prevented had i inserted myself#but also it's not MY fault both actors didn't bring up the blocking idea earlier. and it was done at a dress rehearsal. so i don't know#why the director didn't address it then. maybe her angle during the rehearsal was different than the performance. i don't know.#all i know is that my OCD makes me feel guilty when i anxiously predict something i 'could have prevented' even if it doesn't involve me#and i really really gotta get over that. and that little drama last night and my mom's text this morning just reminded me of it all.
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#tag talk#I went in blind to Outer Wilds a few months back and couldn't figure out what I was doing#but I started a lore explained video about it and got halfway through before deciding I should give it another shot#spoilers make it so much easier to get into a piece of media. I just hate not knowing how things go#and I'll stop partway through spoilers once I decide I know enough. so I'm not spoiling completely everything#but like.. several movies I've only watched after the Wikipedia article seemed interesting.#with games it's more that I need to see someone else play it so I know how to approach.#I can't work with a blank canvas. I need to see someone else do it first.#it's like me and art. I can't do purely generative stuff. I'm good with editing images and coloring already drawn art#writing poetry about things I've already felt. singing songs someone else composed#and playing games once I've seen someone else play it first.#I need a template to work from. I need a guide to go back to it I need.#I can depart from it when I'm comfortable. I can change things to be more my own style.#but I can't start from nothing. I have a hard time going into games blind because I just don't know what I'm doing at all#so spoilers are cool#and they never detract from my overall experience.#I'll avoid spoilers if I deliberately seek out the new experience. once I know I'll like something.#but I can't go in totally blind. I hate it too much.#so anyway I'm playing outer wilds again and I'm enjoying it way more this time
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