#and i'll be too bitter on how he treated me to be a true friend. i'll always be aware he chose fucking games over everyone else

[jorjin]

Thinking about the fact I wanted to be friends with my ex if we separated in the past but now that it finally happened I just don't want anything to do with him at all

[avatar-anna]

Diamonds

pausing our regularly scheduled program with a luke hemmings blurb bc i love him and his solo music and i'm sad i couldn't go to any of his shows 😔 i'll get back to harry soon, but i'll take inspo wherever i can rn. enjoy!

"The next one we're gonna play for you is one of the most vulnerable songs I've ever written," Luke said, mouth pressed up against the microphone. The shimmer you helped spread over the lids of his eyes practically glowed under the blue lights that lit the stage. You thought he looked ethereal, the very embodiment of the music he was performing tonight.

"When I was putting together the final tracklist for this album," Luke continued, "I was hesitant to add this song because I was afraid that it was too vulnerable, but I was convinced that it was worth sharing, that the emotions and experiences behind this song would reach those who needed to hear it the most.

"The person who convinced me, and played a crucial part of making this record, is here tonight, and to them, I would just like to say thank you. Thank you for believing in me when I couldn't and making me brave enough to truly face my demons. You pulled me out of the deep end when it felt like I was drowning, and I would be a completely different person than I am today without you. I love you. My heart and soul is yours to keep."

Cheers were heard throughout the venue as the opening chords began. As Luke started to sing, you were thankful that you decided to watch the concert from backstage, unable to keep tears from welling in your eyes.

"Cut like diamonds and sink like stones, starve myself 'til I'm skin and bone, I'm so much older than I ever thought I would be."

He said that often. My heart and soul is yours to keep. Yours to keep safe, was what he meant. It had taken him a long time to open up to you and trust your ability to be a good partner, so him saying that his heart was yours was huge. He trusted you that much not to break his heart, to never let him sink back into old habits and bitter thoughts. That level of trust meant everything to you.

In his little speech, Luke thanked you for being the one to convince him to release the song, which was true in a way. He'd been conflicted about the song at first, not ready to share such a dark period of his life so publicly. The song had originally been just a way to express himself, to put everything he'd been through on paper without ever letting it see the light of day.

Luke had shared what the song was about, had opened up to you just what had made him feel that way in the past—toxic relationships, poor decisions that led to even worse habits, hurting the people closest to him, all of his mistakes. He didn't hide any of it from you, and you took all of those misgivings, all of those past mistakes, and showed him that you loved him anyway.

"How far is far? Are we too deep in? How dark is dark? I need to see it."

It wasn't easy at first. When you met, Luke wasn't in a place where he could give himself to anyone emotionally. He believed that he was too damaged to be loved the way he deserved and that he was better off being alone and unhurt than trying to fall in love again and risk being completely ruined by someone he thought he could trust. He had been more closed off than anyone you'd ever met, but all of it just made you want to show him what love without conditions looked like. And he couldn't fathom why. Luke was never rude to you about it. He never snapped at you or pushed you away or treated you badly to make a point, he just truly believed that he wasn't worth your time.

*.*

You were at his house, hanging out as friends. Only this time you surprised him by bringing him flowers.

Luke had been completely dumbfounded, unsure of your intentions. You told him it was just to brighten up his home a little, and because you liked doing nice things for the people you cared about. He didn't question you much further, but the rest of the time you were together, you caught him staring at the bouquet that stood in the vase you'd placed them in. His gaze had been wary and apprehensive each time, and you finally told him the truth.

"I want to take you on a date," you said simply.

Luke seemed surprised, which led to a conversation that was perhaps a step below an argument, but only because you calmly listened to Luke and evaded his tactics to push you away with ease.

"I—I don't deserve you," he finally said, but his voice was heavy with emotion, like he desperately didn't want it to be true.

"Who decides what we do and don't deserve, Luke?" you said to him, resting your hand over his and rubbing your thumb over his knuckles gently. To your surprise, he didn't pull away.

"I'm not good enough for you," he amended.

With a close-lipped smile, you leaned over from your spot on his couch and placed your thumb between his brows, smoothing the furrow there. "I think you think you're a worse person than you are."

You kissed his brow, your touch just enough for him to feel your lips brush his skin. When you pulled back, you tapped his nose with your knuckle. "I won't push you, and I won't try to fix you," you said, because the truth was, you didn't believe he needed fixing. But you knew you weren't going to be able to convince him of that. Not now, anyway. "But I will tell you this: you are a remarkable person, and when you're ready, I'd love to love you one day."

*.*

"I'm on my way out, losing the dream. I feel it crash down, down on me. Caught in the madness, holding on me. Is this the way it will always be?"

It took some time, but Luke eventually believed what you did from the day you met him. You were there to see him through the thick of it, holding his hand when he needed you to and giving him space when he asked. He'd gone off to write for a little while, and when he came back, you could practically see the weight lift from his shoulders. It was as if he'd left his biggest demons at the cabin he'd been staying in.

And now he was at his own solo concert performing the songs that held the deepest secrets of his heart. Luke sang each word with passion and pride, the kind that came from knowing that he'd overcome the darkness that had held him for so long. He wasn't drowning anymore, but he sang his songs so that his fans could see that it was possible to be in a dark place and come out of it.

The song faded to its end, and Luke bowed before the crowd as they cheered. He held his hands together in front of his face, the appreciation written in his features abundantly clear. You watched him survey the crowd with so much pride you thought you were going to burst, but you ended up just shedding a couple more tears instead.

While fans were still cheering and his band was playing chords that would lead into the next song, Luke jogged to the side of the stage where you were standing. You hadn't expected him to come over to you, but when you saw his face, you knew what he needed.

Your arms opened for him just in time as he wrapped himself around you. He held onto you tight, his face buried in your hair as he lifted you off the ground. You held on just as fiercely, hoping it would sufficiently express just how much you loved him.

Time stopped as Luke held you in his arms. He had a whole crowd waiting for him to sing the next song, but neither of you seemed worried about getting him back onstage. When he finally set you back down, you kissed his cheek a couple times before kissing him properly, your hands on either side of his face.

"Okay, okay, no more of that," you said, when he kept trying to follow your lips as you pulled away from him, wanting just one more kiss. "There'll be plenty of time for that later. Now go. Everyone's waiting for you."

Luke began to turn like he was going to do just as you said, but before he walked away, he spun on his heel and caught you in one last kiss. Satisfied by your tinged cheeks, he grinned and kissed your cheek. "Mean the world to me, darlin.'"

Hearing him say that made you melt every single time, and he knew that. Shoving his shoulder playfully toward the stage, you said, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Now go be a rockstar, will you? You're keeping everyone waiting. Myself included."

Luke finally turned around for real and did just that.

[persona-brainrot-real]

a very long about haru because i love her and im upset about how the game let her story get overshadowed at every turn

its nearly 3am rn but i'm thinking about how genuinely insane it is for persona 5 to introduce Haru as a character who is struggling to find any of her autonomy and treat her the way that they do. her father is marrying her off to a man who makes it explicitly clear he wants to use her for sex and even Okumura, in his palace, is shown to understand this.

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru in her Phantom Thief outfit says "Father! You want me to be that mans plaything to satisfy your own ambitions?" the second is of Shadow Okumura, looking angry, saying "This is the only value you've had from the very beginning. The third image is before the boss fight against the cognition of Haru's fiance. He is saying "let's have fun! I'll play with you until I get bored!"]

even outside of the palace, in their daily life he makes it extremely clear that he has no intent on trusting Haru with company business (likely because he expects the company to be handed off to her husband after he dies) and he doesn't acknowledge her feelings or anything she says to defend her own autonomy (i know this is me reciting everything in the game i do have a point)

[ID: three screenshots of Persona five royal. In the first, Haru is upset as she says "So I'm not even allowed to decide where I will live, am I?". In the second, Okumura is saying "not only do you come home late, you've even stayed out overnight without permission..." looking disapproving. In the third image, Okumura is saying "I have my hands full right now with the company. Don't cause any more trouble for me." He is holding his phone.]

even when she first joins your team, she tries to insist on being useful and fighting, considering this is her request and her fathers palace, and morgana tells her she cant. i know its 'for her own sake' that she cant fight, but considering that Morgana was there when she first awakened and planned on using her to get through a palace alone, its really frustrating to then see him say shes not strong enough to fight in a team.

[ID: two screenshots of persona five royal. Both are taken in Okumura's palace. In the first, Haru is saying "I can fight too! Please, let me join you in battle!". In the second, Morgana is saying "Your persona is too weak to fight safely at the moment. Just leave that side of things to us for now."]

and this comes in AFTER morgana, while using her, gets her to insult his friends on his behalf because hes annoyed with them, even though she's visibly uncomfortable doing so, contradicts what morgana wants her to say, and is shown later to have no real malicious feelings for them - and all of the bitter feelings she DID have were because morgana told her that the PT's were mean and didn't treat him right or didn't need him, which wasn't true to begin with, and is why she has to ask him for direction on what to say,

[ID: Haru looks upset. She stands opposite the Phantom Thieves and looks at Morgana. She is asking him "What was it again?"]

and you bring all of this into a brilliant character of a girl who is so self-assured, so firm on what she wants and her own autonomy - i want to be a Phantom Thief, i want to be a hero, i want to have my autonomy but more importantly i want to earn it, i want to change my fathers heart myself so that he becomes a better person and a better business owner, i want to prove to him that i can be trusted with the company and that i have more worth than being married off - but never really gets to express that? Even when it comes to the fight with Okumura and her chance to have her moment - the moment where Yusuke tells Madarame he's a coward who lost sight of his passion, where Ann gets to tell Kamoshida that he's only alive because she wants him to live through all he's done (both in the palace and the real world), where Futaba gets to talk to her mom directly in a scene that always makes me tear up - Haru's moment to stand up to her father is overshadowed by her father speaking to Morgana instead!!!!!

i know that this could also be a huge meta moment - he sees his daughter standing up to him, defending herself, and dismisses her entirely to try and appeal to the next rational subject, a man, but . the man is a cat. it doesnt work as well if he turns to a cat to be like "well certainly you'll be more reasonable" and turns the focus to Morgana - who has already taken up a lot of time that Haru deserved to have recognised!!!!

i have issues with morgana, yes, and I believe a lot of that arc could have been really useful character building for him if it had been handled slightly better, given more weight and better pacing, but it really wouldn't have been such a big problem for me if it hadn't been pushed so heavily during Haru's character moments, because she is SUCH a good character!!!!

in her first appearance she makes for a really good subversion of what the PT's think that they are. her insistence on working for justice helps them work through their temporary doubt for what their purpose is and by having such a difficult situation happening in her life, she unites them all on something that they have to do. At least until they go to Okumura's palace for the first proper investigation, the intent to rescue Haru from her fiance is more important than the Phan-site and more important than any of Okumura's business practices.

she prioritises everyone elses happiness over her own to the point where she watches her father die on live television and tells the PT's to continue having fun at destinyland without her without considering that they'd want to be there for her. She has always suspected that people only wanted to be her friend for her money - and this seems to have affected her so much that despite being 'secretive about her history' at Shujin, she still doesn't mention at any point whether or not she has friends and is only seen speaking with teachers.

after her fathers death she has no real reason to trust any of the PT's - they were navigating with an unknown method, with no proof to show that what they were doing wouldn't cause a mental shutdown, they barely know each other, and yet she trusts them in spite of this and places her faith in the PT's regardless. even when faced with the person who DID kill her father, she understands that his death was a larger piece in a bigger plan and that it wasn't akechi's fault, it was the fault of Shido for ordering him dead, and in Shido's palace she's able to get the catharsis of killing the cognition of the person who aired her fathers death publicly on TV.

And what I think is a more frustrating part than any of that - where all of the Phantom Thieves, after their palace, get following story beats that increase their importance to make sure that you, as the player, can get attached to them, but the more PT's that join the team, the harder it is to juggle all of those characters and a lot of them have very vocal and prominent personalities that keep them involved. Yusuke's general quirks and behaviour keep him interesting, Makoto has an entire arc that's established ages before she's involved in Kaneshiro's palace, Futaba becoming navigator keeps her relevant, but where Haru's arc is taken over by Morgana in the palace where she's introduced, all subsequent story beats are entirely overtaken by Akechi.

Don't get me wrong, I love Akechi and he is in my brain 24/7, but it is extremely unfortunate that her fathers death immediately kickstarts the section of plot where the PT's realise that they're being tricked, meaning the plot suddenly ramps up, and during the school fair (something Haru is explicitly very excited about), Akechi's growing popularity and prominence in the story takes centre stage, especially as a day later he blackmails the PTs and joins their party.

Again, not complaining about Akechi, its just unfortunate that Haru's main story is clouded over by Morgana having a character arc and then the fan favourite comes in and immediately becomes the most prominent character for almost the entire rest of the game. It's sad because I love Haru but it wasn't until I romanced her that I realised how much I love her and how much there is too her - which ESPECIALLY sucks because it makes the section where you're reassuring her in the velvet room fall so flat compared to how you reassure everyone else.

ALL to say that i think it's wild to have a character whose entire arc routinely revolves around proving herself and reclaiming her autonomy from the men in her life, like her father and her fiance, and having her character arc so heavily influenced and even overshadowed by morgana, a male character. thank you guys for listening and if you disagree with me consider writing what your opinions are on your own post and not on mine :3

Anyway. huge rant post over. Haru is my wife and my girlfriend and my silly rabbit and i think she should be hyped up way more. ESPECIALLY for her showtime attack with makoto because that's fucking adorable. everyone must post one thousand haru okumura positivity posts right now

[ID: a gif of Haru Okumura, in her Phantom Thief outfit, holding her hat with one hand and pointing with the other. She says "I am no longer your subservient puppet!" while looking determined.]

[youremyheaven]

buut one more thing, Jupiter women trying to be the dad they never had is so true, I've definitely noticed that. My MIL is Vishakha Moon & she's kinda like, the man of the house. She had a very abusive upbringing with super incompetent parents & she ended up having to take a lot of responsibility for her siblings even as a child.

Of course she ended up with a partner who is- lowkey incompetent. He has some good qualities and he does work and all that, but he is a menacee. He expects her to do eeeverything and acts like a big man baby- he gets mad at her if she doesn't untie his shoes for him when he gets home from work. She gets up every morning at 2am with him without fail, gets his lunch ready, makes him breakfast before he goes to work. She makes him coffee and tea at his whim. He will go to the bathroom to have a shower, not bring his towel, then yell her name out incessantly until she comes and gets it for him.

Tmi but he also has no uh, aim in the bathroom- it's really gross, like, really really gross. I had a word with MIL about it, and I was kinda just like 'yeah I'm sure he doesn't mean to do it but maybe you should have a word with him' and she looked scared and kept trying to change the subject and kinda just went 'I'll make sure I clean it up after he goes in'. Like bro is scared to tell her man child ass husband to clean up after himself 😭 poor girl.. I mean I think she's content with how things are because she grew up with so much worse, so in her mind he's the best, but I did read that Vishakha Moon women in particular can absolutely worship their husbands.

She is veryyy generous but to the point that it's a bit overbearing and I feel bad but like, I live with them all currently and I'm very grateful but sometimes she's doing too much. Like she will come home with a bunch of treats and knick knacks and I'm like- thankyou but where do I even put this?? I have no space because of all of the other things you already gave me 😭💟

Also @makingspiritualityreal made a really good post on here about how in Vishakha, the feminine is debilitated so she finds herself constantly in her masculine and never able to simply rest and be the receiver.

It definitely makes sense that this situation created two children with Venusian Moons.

your MIL's relationship triggered me so much, i've grown up seeing my mom be that way and its always disgusted me 🤮🤮🤮🤢and made me mad 😡😠😠

Vishaka women worshipping their partners is so true. Look at Beyonce, Vishaka Moon and how she seems to blindly love that crusty ass cheating man 🤮🤮

I also think it applies to Vishaka men because Will Smith, Vishaka Moon is also like that with Jada, even though she's literally an energy vampire

Generous to the point of being overbearing is soooo true about Jupiter women,, they be doing TOO much and it lowkey makes you feel guilty because you know that you could never be as giving or endure what they have and still come out without any resentment or bitterness

My friend's mom is Vishaka Moon (and her dad is Bharani Moon but idk his other placements but he seems like a Solar guy tbh) and her parents have a similarly toxic marriage. Her mom packs lunch AND puts it in his car??? before he leaves for work??? she also makes separate meals for her, her dad, her sister, their dog etc :// and everytime she spoke of her mom, it felt like her whole existence revolved around just serving everyone and it always made me sick to my stomach

I'll try to find that post you mentioned <333 tysm for letting me know <33

SKSJDJJDJDK "this situation created 2 children with Venus moons" IS SO REAL IM SHAKINGGG

ive mentioned him before but my Purvaphalguni Moon friend from college was a stereotypical Venusian man (he also had many Swati placements 🥰) and his dad was an alcoholic/generally incompetent guy who never did anything and quit working??? a long time ago??? (his elder brother provided for the family) and I remember how he often went grocery shopping or ran errands in the afternoon and sometimes rushed to go home bc his mom was waiting for him 😭😭🥺everytime he spoke to his mom on the phone, he became the softest guy ever and it made me feel so 🥺🥺🥺

unlike Lunar men who are complete mama's boys (prime example, Ranbir Kapoor, Shravana Moon),, Venusian men are more mama's little helper type dudes. The difference between Lunar and Venusian men (I'm mentioning these two specifically bc they're both Yin and benefic planets and known for being devoted to their mom) is that Lunar men kind of become extremely passive and dependent on their mom and Venusian men bend over backwards to provide for her and take care of her.

Two different reactions to having a loving mom

I once knew a Rohini Moon man who told me he hasn't been eating right for a few weeks because his mom had gone to stay with her family overseas 💀💀💀and I was like??? do you just not eat then??? and he was like "yeah I have no appetite without her feeding me" 💀💀💀and mind you he was 24 years old lmao and ik some of you will say "aww thats so cute" blah blah ITS NOT CUTE, a grown ass man starving himself (all he ate was bread apparently bc he didn't like eating out 💀💀) bc his mommy wont feed him IS INSANE EWWW. i ghosted him after that conversation lmfao bc i cannot stand that passive raja beta behaviour

In India, we have something called "raja beta syndrome" which is rooted in son preference (unfortunately sex selective abortions and female foeticide/infanticide is vvvv common in india) and most men grow up being treated like royalty (raja= king, beta = son). This is why Indian men are losers lmao because they've been spoonfed their whole lives by their moms/families and they expect their wives to also be doormats and serve them for the rest of their lives.

Lunar men give me raja beta vibes :///

I like my Venus men who grew up trying to make their moms lives easier and trying to give HER royal treatment because they want to be the one who treats her right<333 these are the only kind of mommy issues I'll accept <333 like oh you dont want me to run errands or pay the bills because your mom had to work so hard and it gives you trauma to think ill have to do that and make you feel like you've failed as a man?? dw king i gotchu <333 go get those errands done.🥰🤪😜

[greypetrel]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you @daggerbean for the tag! And welcome back, consider yourself tagged back if you have something else! <3 Another slow week, a last-minute project took me away... Next I'll have something more, hopefully.

Some Cullavellan, it's been a while. Cullen tried again at challenging her to a drinking game. She was raised Dalish with home-brewed spirits and can't be beaten, just brought to sing.

Whale AU shenanigans, the original one: bed-ridden raccoons are a delight to have around when you're writing the essay of your life, absolutely. (traditional from my sketchbook!)

Some writing under the cut, I'm slow these days but I'm working on some silly thing.

Tagging: @salsedinepicta @ndostairlyrium @dungeons-and-dragon-age @melisusthewee @dreadfutures @pinayelf @whimsyswastry @sapphireangelbunny @flotttemotte @underneathestars

It was all going well, and she was chatting with Josephine and her sister Yvette about Antiva and vernissages, when the weird dish appeared.

A waiter stopped by the trio, perfectly still with a silver tray balanced on his gloved hand. He cleared his throat, once and twice, and when Aisling finally turned and asked him with a smile what she could do for him, the waiter lowered the tray with grace.

And presented her with a small china bowl, richly decorated in blue hunting scenes with gold details… Full of salad.

Aisling took the bowl with one end, the offered tiny fork with the other and thanked the waiter. She didn’t miss how both Montilyet sisters gasped, ad viewing the content of the bowl. Josephine with worry, Yvette with excitement.

Aisling looked at them and found the same emotions on their faces.

She had no idea about why such a gesture could elicit such a reaction from them. Looking down at the content of the bowl, it was just filled with arugula leaves, so freshly green they must have been just picked, and neatly washed before being served.

It was a little weird that there seemed to be no other ingredient to the dish, and no dressing whatsoever, but it also was true that Aisling wasn’t the best judge over how Orlais preferred to serve its rocket salad.

It was definitely weird how the whole of the west side of the upper corridor in the ballroom had stopped to look at her. Which explained why Josephine wasn’t telling anything about how she should behave right now, with a bowl of arugula in her hand.

She looked around, felt the expectation radiating in waves and directing at her.

Months ago, she would have been spooked by all the eyes on her.

Months ago, she hadn’t been the Inquisitor for months.

Without any clue about what the Game expected her to do with some salad, she just shrugged and did what it felt a good logical solution.

She dipped the tiny fork in the leaves, picked up a dainty little morsel -little and graceful, just as Josie had taught her- and brought it to her lips, taking a mouthful.

Other people gasped, Aisling just chewed. Spitting now was not an option, she could see it too.

Beside, she quite liked arugula, the bitterness mildened by the spiciness.

It wasn’t the best, unseasoned and alone, and this one came clearly from a greenhouse, for in the wild it would have been too soon, but it was fresh enough and tasty.

And under the scrutiny of half the ballroom, not knowing why exactly everyone had stopped to look at her and now apparently also called their friends and their grandmothers, she ate it all to the last leaf.

“Well, that was refreshing.” She smiled at the crowd when she was finished. “Can I know who sent it? I would really like to thank them for the lovely treat.”

It was, apparently, a good thing to say: some ladies started to giggle, and she could glimpse both the Dowager and Madame De Fer smiling under their masks, brief flashes before they turned away.

Something good must have happened, but she still didn’t understand the start from the end.

[sorcharavenlock]

24 trust issues

I wake up the next morning, Loki isn't in the kitchen. I have breakfast by myself, do the dishes and get dressed. Still, Loki hasn't floated up the stairs to get his breakfast which is unlike him.

I hesitate for a moment, then make my way into the basement.

"Loki? Are you okay?"

Loki is still in bed, his back towards me. He doesn't answer.

"Loki?" I ask again.

"Just go away, please." His voice sounds flat and dull.

I've never seen him this down before, he is normally so full of energy!

(Loki is bipolar. He has had a manic episode these past few days, but now he suffers from depression.)

I sit down on the side of the bed. I'm not going to leave him like this.

"We will find a way to bring you back," I say, wondering if that is what is worrying him. "Maybe we should try and contact Thor..."

"Please don't," Loki's voice is still oddly flat.

"But he has contacts we don't have! He knows people who are powerful, who might be able to help! He has access to space travel! It would give us so many more options!" I argue. "and he misses you, I'm sure of it! When he thought you had died after the Dark Elf attack, he spoke of you so often in interviews, about how you avenged your Mother and died a hero..."

Loki realises I won't leave him alone. Wearily, he sits up.

"Thor loves me when he thinks I'm dead. Not so much when I'm alive," Loki says bitterly. "Oh, certainly, he mourns me, right until I appear. Then I am suddenly a 'lying, scheming, greasy little weasel' again. Our bond was broken a long time ago. He made that very clear. He left me behind in Sakaar. I had to find my own way back to Asgard."

"I'm so sorry," I say. "I didn't know that." I'm shocked Thor would do that to his own brother.

"Why are you so surprised? Thor is just like everyone else; only interested to further his own goals and glad to stab you in the back when you least expect it! The quicker you learn that lesson, the better."

"That is not true! I am sorry that Thor treated you that way, but not everyone is like that. You have me now, and Nea and Kitty. You have friends who have your back!"

"in my experience, friends are just as quick to turn their backs on you, the moment you make one mistake. I had known mine for centuries. But, oh, how quick they were to threaten to kill me! They practically formed a queue!"

"Everyone turned their back on me. Everyone lied. No one has ever been on my side." Loki sounds bitter.

Even the person I loved the most in the universe lied to me. She meant the world to me. She broke my heart. Everyone lies. Everyone turns their back on you eventually. I'll never trust anyone again."

I wondered who she was, she must have been special to him. I suppress a pang of jealousy.

"I'm sorry your girlfriend lied to you too, but.."

"Beg your pardon?" Loki asks in confusion.

"Your girlfriend? The one who broke your heart..." I'm confused too.

"I was talking about my Mother," Loki explains.

Oh...I know that is just as sad, but I can feel my heart soar! At least there wasn't a girlfriend!

Emboldened, I put my arm around him. He is so sad and heartbroken, and I just want to hold him, hug it all better.

"Well, I can't promise I'll never lie. Everyone tells little white lies sometimes, me too," I say honestly. "But I'll never lie about the big things. and I'll never turn my back on you."

For a moment, Loki leans into the hug.

I wonder if now would be a good time to kiss him.

Luckily, before I can make a mistake, Loki stands up.

"I wish I could believe you, I truly do." I wish I could trust you."

I watch as Loki sadly floats away.

It is becoming more and more clear to me how deeply hurt Loki has been by those he loved and trusted. it will take a while, but maybe just by being there for him and loving him without any strings attached, I can help him heal...

(Loki and Marianna are now soulmates. Loki feels deeply connected to her, which is probably why he opened up a bit.

Loki still has trust issues though! It is going to take some time before their relationship can move forward it seems)

[nyxdelanuit]

Please Let Me Take You Ch 8

Hello, my little constellations! I'm sorry for my long absence, I never intended to be away for so long! I am happy to finally give you all a new chapter though, surprise! I hope you all enjoy~ Also, I apologize in advance, this chapter is a little shorter than I intended, but I'll make up for it soon!

Bakugou x F!Reader, Kirishima x F!ReaderTWs: Cheating, angst, unhealthy/abusive relationship, manipulation, smut

MASTERLIST

You had tried your best to enjoy the rest of the time with your friends, watching them bicker fondly with each other and coo over their baby. They weren't the picture-perfect family, but they were real. Real love and real issues, real communication, and it was both a breath of fresh air and an ache in your chest you couldn't quite place. That alongside the frequent vibrations coming from your phone in your pocket made it hard to focus on the good parts. Not when your flaws were shining so brightly in your eyes, showing just how far behind you've fallen.

Still, you managed your goodbyes with sincere smiles, ignoring the way Izuku looked at you with a pity that curdled in your stomach. You didn't blame him for pointing out a truth you had been gleefully ignoring for months now. As you slid into the driver's seat of the car, one thought slipped from your mind and sat sour on your tongue. Were you just replacing one bad relationship with another? Your friendship with Ejirou was a balm to you, a sweetness you craved, but underneath the candy coating, was it just as bitter as your relationship? The both of you had blindly covered the bad parts, showing each other just enough of your flaws to feel vulnerable with each other while still keeping that wall up. But who was the wall protecting this time? Were your thoughts even making sense anymore?? You belatedly realized you probably shouldn't linger in the driveway for too much longer, the last thing you needed was more pitying looks and whispered worry. But before you move, you really should swallow the cowardly desire to ignore the messages still flashing on your phone.

Eijirou: You know I'm always down to talk

Eijirou: That sounded a little serious though, everything alright?

Eijirou: You're okay, right? Did something happen?

Eijirou: Honestly, I really want to head over and check on you, but…

Eijirou: Idk, that kinda feels like I'm skipping some steps, or crossing some boundaries.

Eijirou: I hope you're alright, and I'll give you some space, but just let me know you're good when you can. We can talk when you're ready.

Eijirou: Can I send Mina to you or something? I just want you to have someone on your side if you're not doing good…

Your eyes ran over the words with a deep sigh. You really should have checked while you were inside. You may be questioning some things, but that didn't mean you can just torture the poor guy… You can only imagine what he's been thinking this whole time.

You: I'm so sorry, I've been with Ochako. I'm alright, promise. There's just some things I want to clear up

You were about to put your phone down and finally leave, but your phone went off before you could even turn the car on.

Eijirou: lol I guess I was overreacting a little, huh? Glad you're safe tho!!! You want to meet somewhere?

You chewed on your lip as you thought. Maybe you were just procrastinating, wanting to protect this version of your friendship for just a little longer, but you just didn't know if you could handle that talk right now.

You: I'm a little tired… do you have any time tomorrow?

Eijirou: Yeah, no problem!! Wanna grab lunch or something?

You: Yeah, that sounds great. I'll find a place and send you the address. We can meet up there at like noon?

You were sure he noticed that you didn't give him a chance to offer to drive, but he was too polite to bring it up.

Eijirou: Sounds great! (: My treat, so find something good!

Even now, he was being too nice, especially after that scare you gave him. How did that saying go? If it seems too good to be true, it probably is? That's what this whole thing felt like. He just showed up at the best time… and now it felt like he held all your happiness in the palm of his hand. It was dangerous. How did you keep getting yourself into these kinds of messes?

You had finally gotten yourself home, tossing your keys into the dish on the counter as you headed towards the bathroom. The best medicine for this growing headache you had was a long, mindless shower. Just wash off all of the stress and worry and weird thoughts you've been having.

You stood under the water and just… existed. You let yourself be in the space and forced the tension from your limbs, standing under the spray until you felt like jelly. Your sigh almost echoed in the pristine space, but for this moment, at least the space was yours. After you felt a little less like a ball of tension and more human-adjacent, you moved onto actually cleaning yourself off. You skipped the sweet and spicy scents that usually filled the bathroom for something a bit lighter, a little minty and maybe floral, you weren't the best at placing the scents… but it was different. Something Katsuki was probably gifted from one of the many companies trying to curry favor from one of the top heroes. But you had decided to claim it. It was now yours, your scent, separate from the same sights, same smells, everything perfectly in place. Except for you… when did you stop fitting in? Did you ever in the first place?

There it was again, those thoughts. It's not like they were doing you any good, but once you started, it seemed like you couldn't stop. You should be grateful, though. Katsuki provided all of this, even the opportunity to stand out. What would you really have without him? You didn't really have anywhere else to go, all of your friends were his friends. All your clothes and food were paid for with his card. Even your car, he was listed on the title and paid for insurance and maintenance… It sat heavy in your stomach even after you forced the thoughts from your head.

You wrapped yourself in a robe, stepping from the bathroom and hoping you'd find something reasonably comfortable that didn't get caught in the crossfire of your previous fight, belatedly hearing the lock on the front door. Your curiosity got the best of you, peeking towards the entrance before you even heard him.

"Come on out, shitty girl, grab these bags!" It shouldn't have come as a surprise. He was your fiance, and this was his home. You weren't even on the title. Your feet were moving before you could even finish your thought, the traitorous things, finding him in the living room with an armful of bags. Without thinking of it, your eyes drifted to where your degree had adorned the wall, expecting to see the blank wall and being surprised with an admittedly artistic shot of Katsuki's agency, in black and white of course.

"Oi, what are you wearing? You could have at least dressed…" You could feel your eyes threatening to roll at his words, but somehow you held them back.

"Sorry, Katsuki. I thought you'd want help sooner rather than later." He quickly started passing over the bags, heavier than you expected.

"Whatever, just put these away. I figured it was time to update your wardrobe." You peeked inside the bag, full of soft greys and light oranges, and your confusion must have shown on your face. "Don't give me that look. I know what looks best on you, and it's about time you start dressing like you're my future wife." He huffed as you looked away from the bag.

"Right… thank you, Katsuki." The words felt oddly hollow. You supposed you were happy for some more clothes, although you weren't sure they were really for you… but he had obviously spent time and money, a lot of money, on getting these things for you.

"That's a better reaction. Put those away, I'll grab dinner." The way he fell back into his routine made your head spin. It was like nothing ever happened. Should you bring it up? No. No, not right now. You shouldn't ruin the tenuous calm in the house, rejecting the well-meaning peace offering he had brought home. No, you should just be happy that he's fixing his mistake. This was fixing it, right? Actions that spoke louder than words? Katsuki always had a problem with words…

You put the new clothes away in silence, feeling the cost in each thread even as you noticed the high necklines, the longer sleeves, and the lack of anything but floor-length hems on any pants or dresses. Was this how a wife looks to Katsuki? Modest to a fault and dressed in his colors? Yet you accepted it, for now. Dressed in a pair of regrettably comfortable pants and a cozy grey sweater over your undershirt. Surely this would make him happy, right?

As you stepped out of the room, you were greeted with such amazing smells. He had set up takeout on the coffee table, putting on a show the two of you had started together years ago and had yet to finish. There was even a cocktail waiting for you, and a noticeable lack of spice wafting from the food. He looked up at you as you looked away, not wanting to meet those bright red eyes. "I knew it would look good on you. Now hurry up and sit, I don't have all night."

"Thanks, this smells amazing." You gave him a smile, you think, as you sat down, cautiously taking a bite of your food as he started the show.

"Of fucking course it does, I have good taste." And with that, the two of you fell quiet, trying to ignore the heavy butterflies in your stomach and eat your food. It was so good, something you would normally eat without hesitation, but you paced yourself around the uneasy feeling, draining your drink before you even got halfway through.

Katsuki noticed, of course. You used to admire how perceptive he was. Used to? When did that change… "You better not be turning into some sort of fucking lush." He chuckled, but the sound feels miles away. He sounds like he's teasing, but it still puts you on edge as you laugh along with him, although you don't know why. He stands and takes your glass with him, returning with another drink. At least the alcohol dulls your nerves, slowly sipping away at it as the show wraps up.

"Finish up and get ready for bed. I've got an early morning, I can't have you keeping me up." He takes the trash and dishes away, leaving you nursing your drink and staring at an empty screen. There's only so long you can take here, only a few sips left and no more excuses you can make. The last few sips taste bitter.

When you finally finish, rinsing your glass once and then again, the odd feeling returns tenfold. If you had been sober, you might have wondered if this was what it felt like being led to execution, the way you walk without any emotion down the hall. It's pure muscle memory the way you strip off the clothes hiding your figure, the way you let Katuski lead you to bed and pose you face down, hand heavy on the back of your neck. And when he finally finds his end behind you, falling into bed and then quickly into sleep, you wonder how long you had been holding your breath. Even then, when you could breathe, the air was heavy and humid, filled with him.

It was naive to think you had made a space for yourself here. He existed, even in the air.

[trinity-mia]

a story as endless as the ocean

the sea of monsters

1.9 red sky in morning

warnings : none ( lmk if that isn't actually true )

word count : 2.5k

1.9 The King of the Titans Installs His Back-Up Plan Just in Case He Can't Manipulate Me or I Die (Whichever Comes First)

That afternoon was one of the happiest I'd ever spent at camp, which probably goes to show, you never know when your world is about to be rocked to pieces.

Grover announced that he'd be able to spend the rest of the summer with us before resuming his quest for Pan. His bosses at the Council of Cloven Elders were so impressed that he hadn't gotten himself killed and had cleared the way for future searchers, that they granted him a two-month furlough and a new set of reed pipes.

The only bad news: Grover insisted on playing those pipes all afternoon long, and his musical skills hadn't improved much. He played "YMCA," and the strawberry plants started going crazy, wrapping around our feet like they were trying to strangle us. I guess I couldn't blame them, seeing as I wanted to strangle his 'music' too. However illogically that was phrased. But, because I was a good friend, I managed to restrain myself and not break them. Though, I wasn't about to make any promises if he started on Hilary Duff again.

Grover told me he could dissolve the empathy link between us, now that we were face to face, but I had simply rolled my eyes and told him not to be an idiot. He put down his reed pipes and stared at me. "But, if I get in trouble again, you'll be in danger, Allie! You could die!"

"I'm a demigod, Grover," I scoffed back. "Dying's in the job description." I gave him a stern, unyielding look that said I wasn't going to back down on this. "If you get in trouble again, I want to know about it. And I'll come to help you again, Grover. I wouldn't have it any other way."

In the end, he agreed not to break the link. He went back to playing "YMCA" for the strawberry plants. I didn't need an empathy link with the plants to know how they felt about it. I suspect I did everyone a favor when I confiscated the reeds and rapped him around the head with them. 

As for Tyson, the campers treated him like a hero. I would've been happy to have him as my cabin mate forever, but that evening, as we were sitting on a sand dune overlooking the Long Island Sound, he made an announcement that completely took me by surprise.

"Dream came from Daddy last night," he said. "He wants me to visit."

I wondered if he was kidding, but Tyson really didn't know how to kid. "Poseidon sent you a dream message?"

Tyson nodded. "Wants me to go underwater for the rest of the summer. Learn to work at Cyclopes' forges. He called it an inter— an intern—"

"An internship?"

"Yes." I let that sink in. I'll admit, I felt a little bitter. Poseidon did seem to actually care about Tyson. But me? He said to my face that I was a mistake. Who wouldn't feel a bit resentful at hearing their parent say that, no matter how they felt about the parent themselves? Then I realized, Tyson was going? Just like that?

"When would you leave?" I asked.

"Now."

"Now. Like... right now?"

"Now."

"Oh." I stared out at the waves of Long Island Sound. The water was glistening red in the sunset. I could feel tears pricking my eyelids. "I'm happy for you, bub," I managed. "Seriously."

"Hard to leave my new sister," he said with a tremble in his voice. "But I want to make things. Weapons for the camp. You will need them."

Unfortunately, I knew he was right. The Fleece hadn't solved all the camp's problems. Annabeth and Cody were both still out there, gathering an army aboard the Princess Andromeda. Kronos was still re-forming in his golden coffin. Eventually, we would have to fight them. War was inevitable, and the Great Prophecy loomed over my head like a Sword of Damocles. I would turn nineteen in a little over three weeks, meaning I would be exactly two years away from my much-dreaded twenty-first birthday.

"You'll make the best weapons ever," I told Tyson. I held up my bracelet proudly. "The best. No contest."

Tyson sniffled. "Brothers and sisters help each other."

"You're my brother," I vowed. "No doubt about it."

He patted me on the back so hard he almost knocked me down the sand dune. Then he wiped a tear from his cheek and stood to go. "Use the shield well."

"I will, bub."

"Save your life someday."

The way he said it, so matter-of-fact, I wondered if that Cyclops eye of his could see into the future.

"Just like its creator," I answered softly as he headed down to the beach and whistled, the way I'd taught him. Rainbow, the hippocampus, burst out of the waves. I watched the two of them ride off together into the realm of Poseidon.

Once they were gone, I looked down at my new bracelet. I pressed the sapphire and the shield spiraled out to full size. Hammered into the bronze were pictures in Ancient Greek style, scenes from our adventures this summer. There was me slaying a Laistrygonian dodgeball player, Luke fighting the bronze bulls on Half-Blood Hill, Tyson riding Rainbow toward the Princess Andromeda, the CSS Birmingham blasting its cannons at Charybdis. I ran my hand across a picture of Tyson, battling the Hydra as he held aloft a box of Monster Donuts.

I couldn't help feeling sad. I knew Tyson would have a fantastic time under the ocean. He would love his internship, of that I had no doubt, not to mention seeing Poseidon, whom he idolized. But I would miss everything about him— his fascination with horses, the way he could fix chariots or crumple metal with his bare hands, or tie our enemies into knots. I'd even miss him snoring like an earthquake in the next bunk all night.

"Hey, Allie."

I turned.

Luke and Grover were standing at the top of the sand dune. I wiped a few stay tears from my eyes. 

"Tyson..." I told them. "He had to..."

"We know," Luke replied softly, his expression gentle as he reached out to smooth down my curls. "Chiron told us."

"Cyclops forges." Grover shuddered. "I hear the cafeteria food there is terrible! Like, no enchiladas at all."

I let out a watery laugh, and he gained a pleased expression. Luke wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Come on, Angel. Time for dinner."

We walked back toward the dining pavilion together, just the three of us together, almost like old times.

A storm raged that night, but it parted around Camp Half-Blood as storms usually did (Thank Olympus for weather wards).

Lightning flashed against the horizon, waves pounded the shore, but not a drop fell in our valley. We were protected again, thanks to the Fleece, safely sealed inside our magical borders.

Still, my dreams were restless. I heard Kronos taunting me from the depths of Tartarus. 

Polyphemus sits blindly in his cave, young heroine, believing he has won a great victory. Are you any less deluded? The Titan's cold laughter filled the darkness of the cavern.

Then my dream changed. I was following Tyson to the bottom of the sea, into the court of Poseidon. It was a radiant hall filled with blue light, the floor cobbled with pearls. And there, on a throne of coral, sat my father, dressed like a simple fisherman in khaki shorts and a sun-bleached T-shirt. I looked up into his tan weathered face and sea-green eyes, all older, but still looking just like me, and he spoke two words: Brace yourself.

I woke with a start.

There was a banging on the door. Grover flew inside without waiting for permission. "Allie!" he stammered. "Luke... on the hill... he..."

The look in his eyes told me something was terribly wrong. Luke had been on guard duty that night, protecting the Fleece. If something had happened— I ripped off the covers, my blood like ice water in my veins. I grabbed a piece of Ambrosia from my secret stash, then threw on a hoodie over my sports bra and pajama pants and shoved on the closest pair of slip-on shoes (which happened to be Gucci slides), while Grover tried to make a complete sentence, but he was too stunned, too out of breath. He wasn't making any sense.

"She's lying there... just lying there..."

Who was she? The only thing I could think was that a new camper must have arrived, deathly injured by the sounds of it.

I ran outside and raced across the central yard, Grover right behind me. Dawn was just breaking, but the whole camp seemed to be stirring. Word was spreading. Something huge had happened. A few campers were already making their way toward the hill as fast as they could, satyrs and nymphs and heroes in a weird mix of armor and pajamas. I spotted Will and his younger sister Kayla Knowles, gripping a box of medical supplies and a quiver of arrows between them as they struggled up the slope.

I heard the clop of horse hooves, and Chiron galloped up behind us, looking grim.

"Is it true?" he asked Grover.

Grover could only nod, his expression dazed.

I tried to ask what was going on, but Chiron grabbed me by the arm and effortlessly lifted me onto his back. Together we thundered up Half-Blood Hill, where a small crowd had started to gather.

I expected to see the Fleece missing from the pine tree, but it was still there, glittering in the first light of dawn. The storm had broken and the sky was bloodred from the rising sun. The color made me queasy, as I remembered an old phrase one of my directors had often spouted. Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailor's warning.

"Curse the titan lord," Chiron said. "He's tricked us again, given himself another chance to control the prophecy. He's given himself a backup plan."

"What do you mean?" I asked fearfully.

"The Fleece," he answered me in a grim tone of voice. "The Fleece did its work too well."

That was, as you may have guessed, completely unhelpful. We galloped forward, everyone moving out of our way. There at the base of the tree, a girl was lying unconscious. Luke was pale-faced and dressed in Greek armor as he knelt next to her. He didn't glance back as we cantered up to the group.

"My gods," he was muttering repeatedly. "My gods. My gods."

My instinctual fear caused blood to roar in my ears. I couldn't think straight. What had happened? Was Luke hurt? Was the Fleece still there? Still undamaged?

The tree itself looked perfectly fine, whole and healthy, suffused with the essence of the Golden Fleece.

"It healed the tree," Chiron said, his voice ragged. "And poison was not the only thing it purged."

Luke finally looked away from the girl at the sound of Chiron's voice. When he saw us, he ran to Chiron. "It... she... just suddenly there..."

His eyes were streaming with tears uncharacteristically, but I still didn't understand. I was too freaked out to make sense of it all. I leaped off Chiron's back and ran toward the unconscious girl. Chiron said: "Allie, wait!"

I knelt by her side. She had short black hair and freckles across her nose. She was built like a long-distance runner, lithe and strong, and she wore clothes that were somewhere between punk and Goth— a black T-shirt, black tattered jeans, and a leather jacket with buttons from a bunch of different bands.

She wasn't a camper. I didn't recognize her from any of the cabins. And yet I had the strangest feeling I'd seen her before...

"It's true," Grover said, panting from his run up the hill. "I can't believe..."

Nobody else came close to the girl.

I put my hand on her forehead, trying to use my rudimentary first-aid skills to assess her. Her skin was cold, but my fingertips tingled as if they were burning.

"She needs nectar and ambrosia," I said. She was clearly a half-blood, whether she was a camper or not. I could sense that just from one touch. I didn't understand why everyone was acting so scared. I shot a scathing look at the medics, who were as frozen as everyone else.

Breakdowns are for later people. Not when there's someone in desperate need of medical aid lying unconscious in front of you. Gods! Well, if none of them were going to help, I would.

I took her by the shoulders and lifted her into a sitting position, resting her head on my shoulder. Then I pulled out the small piece of ambrosia from my pocket. I pinched her nose to make her open her mouth, popped in the ambrosia, and massaged her throat to make her swallow. For a moment, nothing happened.

Then the girl took a shaky breath. She coughed and opened her eyes.

Her irises were startlingly blue— electric blue.

The girl stared at me in bewilderment, shivering and wild-eyed. "Who—"

"I'm Allie," I said, keeping my tone soothing like I was talking to Nessa's little half-brother, or one of the camp's younger kids (usually about five to seven, but there was a four-year-old son of Apollo who had come after his mother's death. I'll give Apollo this, he made certain that none of his children ended up in the foster system). "You're safe now."

"Strangest dream..."

"It's okay."

"Dying."

"No," I assured her. "You're okay. What's your name?" That's when I knew. Even before she said it. I had seen those eyes before, not just in a picture and I had heard that voice before too. "Wait."

The girl's blue eyes stared into mine, and I understood what the Golden Fleece quest had been about. The poisoning of the tree. Everything. Kronos had done it to bring another chess piece into play— another chance to control the prophecy. If I died or he couldn't find a way to control me, he had a backup plan.

Even Chiron, Luke, and Grover, who should've been celebrating this moment, were too shocked, thinking about what it might mean for the future, and the war. And I was holding someone who was supposed to have died seven years ago in my arms.

"I am Thalia," she said, unaware of the turmoil she was about to cause the world. "Daughter of Zeus."

*    *    *

previous | next

SERIES M.LIST | MAIN M.LIST | TIPS

[illkeepyourbrittleheartwarm]

Sometimes, I wake up with such a bitterness in my heart that I cannot help but go downstairs and eat as much sweet food as I can. I'll feel so sick, but I need something to comfort this bitter pain in my chest.

I eat and I think about every adult who failed me as a child. I think about my mother letting me down so many times that when she read my texts telling my friend how my dad had kicked me, I didn't even try to insist that it was true, because she said that she would go down to ask him. I said that he didn't kick me, because I knew that she would eventually believe him and drop it. Because I knew that if my mum sided with me for even a minute, he would be even worse to me than usual. So she made me call my friend right in front of her and apologise to her for lying. She then made me go downstairs and apologise to my father for lying about him.

I think about the teachers who read my stories and poems, who had other girls going to them saying they're worried about me, who demanded I showed them my self harm scars in a crowded corridor, scoffed, walked away, and never did anything about it. The teachers who would call in my parents after my counsellor had to report when I told her that my dad hit me, and tell them everything. Who broke safeguarding procedure, who contacted my parents, didn't call social services, and never paid any attention to what was very clearly a child in distress again.

I think about the grown men who saw a little girl desperate for love, and took advantage of that in the sickest ways.

I think about my 'friends' who I know I can't be bitter towards, because they were children and they didn't know any better. But I am bitter, because I KNEW BETTER. I knew better than to bully someone. I knew better than to be cruel and unkind and use someone. I knew better than to assume someone was stupid when their life was falling apart and they were too depressed to do school work. I knew better than to slutshame a victim. I was younger than them, yet I still knew better. So how come they didn't??? How come they didn't know better??? How come they couldn't be decent human beings? You don't have to be an adult to understand that people suffer and that just because they try to see the best in you and give you more chances without expecting an apology, doesn't mean you get to treat them like shit but still claim to be their friend.

I think about all the neighbours who heard everything, all the crashing, yelling, screaming, daily, and did nothing. Who were the first at the door when my mother got home to tell her that they heard me shout at my younger brother when I'd snap from him constantly hounding and abusing myself and my baby brother. When I was left alone to watch them as a fourteen year old. When I was left alone to watch the middle brother when I was ten, before my baby brother was born. But when it was my father screaming and yelling and threatening us, they suddenly didn't hear. That was never a problem for them, when he would be yelling at us every day into the early hours. When he would drive home drunk. When he would be outside yelling and banging stuff or beating his workers up. All of a sudden, that didn't matter. Only if I finally yelled after trying to raise children as a fucking child with more patience than most adults have, only if I was kissing a boy somewhere, only if they saw something on my social media, like the stories I'd write, to gossip about.

I think about the social workers who got mandated reports a few times and did nothing, and sexual health clinic workers who would treat me for STDs several times, hear about the older men, test me for pregnancy, and never even tried to say anything. I'm glad they didn't report it because I'd be the only one to suffer for it, but i wish they hadn't just smiled and nodded.

I think about all the family members who saw and heard what was going on at home, but didn't care, and sung my dad's praises. But when I cut my father off, suddenly it was a big deal, and "he's your father, he did everything for you, you need to forgive him, he's such a good man, you're exaggerating, you've always had a tendency to tell stories".

I think about my mother insisting that he is a good man, a decent man, who just got lost along the way.

And the chocolate I was eating suddenly feels like tar in my mouth, difficult to chew, to swallow, to digest. Suddenly, my stomach and throat burn with bile and tears.

[silver-blooded-synthetics]

@howtodisassembleyourdeviant asked:

What ship do you wish you could write more for?

What is on your wishlist?

What ship do you wish you could write more for?

Listen. I am a ship whore. I love all my ships and am always happy to pair my OCs with new partners to see how their dynamics and chemistry work out. I want to write more for all my ships. If anyone is even remotely interested in trying out a ship with one of my muses, even if it's just to test the waters a bit, I encourage them to let me know. Because chances are, I'll want to fuck around and find out too. This goes for relationships of all kinds too, not just romantic ships. Platonic, familial, and even enemy ships can be loads of fun as well. Give them to me. *grabby hands*

What is on your wishlist?

Pretty much anything with Gayle or Abel, since I've only really used them as NPCs in threads with my other muses as the main focus. Give me Abel being the stand-off-ish new guy on the police force. Give me Gayle trying so hard to be supportive of artificial life rights, but still having to learn to overcome her preconceived prejudices against them. Give me anything with these two.

I want a character corruption arc for Alma. Give him an enemy that treats his impressionable self so bad that he gets bitter and cruel in seeking revenge. Turn him against his true nature, and then give him a reason to fight against the hate he's learned so he can come back to the right side. Let him lose himself and find himself again, but with new lessons learned the hard way.

I want Arda to make friends and fall in love and learn about the world, both its wonders and its heartaches, and I want her to be able to share the beautiful way her mind works with other muses. I know that's vague af, but she needs to build relationships before I have more specific ideas for her. Oh! But here's one, let her take care of an injured or ill muse in the hospital she works at. Let her help them recover and then see them outside the hospital too!

I want a chance to play Errol in his main verse as a synthetic. I love Stranger Things and I know he was originally on a blog of his own where that was his main verse, but I also want to explore the synthetic human side of him now that he's on my main blog here. This could be a crossover with other verses and fandoms too, so long as synthetic humans fit into it alright. I just want to test him out in his main verse now that I've switched it over. I haven't had a chance to yet.

And I want Evan to suffer because he is a nasty trash man and we love to hate him : )

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxvi.e: Son of Salem, He spits on my face ... “NO … You helped him leave The City back then huh, you had old lady blackmail our boss to get you free of your debt huh?” Help escape The City? Old lady? Black Mail and Debt? He slaps my ear again so hard, I can feel it sting and start to bleed. “YOU TRY TO FUCK ME HUH? THINK I'M A STUPID HUH? I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU UNDERSTAND BITCH” Then … it clicked, a while back, I had helped The Jester escape The City … helped him leave and escape an insane Mexican drug lord we had worked for, well ... The Jester worked for, and I helped to get him off the street, and put a little extra cash in my pocket. You see we didn't exactly leave on good terms … he suspected I helped him disappear out of The City to help escape out of the drug lords influence, so he could stop working for him, he and I both had seen too much you could say, there was no leaving peacefully. And in that, he ended up putting this “Debt” on my head, that I apparently owed him. Me being me … I went to see an old friend and “Other Mother” of mine named Mrs.Van she was a Vietnamese kingpin in the Vietnamese mafia, and had taken care of me and The Jester when we were young little shits, running around The City when we were super poor, me homeless/a runaway. She had offered us housing, food, clean clothes, jobs, and of course … money. All-to-do drug runs for her as kids … no one would expect a child with a school backpack to be carrying around bricks of coke and baggies filled with countless grams of pot to sell to the rich and addicted. I more or less, owed her a lot, we had separated for a few years, about three, one year before my collapse … then the two that were my collapse. After my involvement in helping The Jester escape The City back then, I needed to secure my own safety … so … I went to the only person I knew who'd have the power to actually do that. Mrs.Van. She ended up agreeing to do so, so long I explained my absence and caught her up on The Jester, as well … run a few jobs for her … free of course. And boy did I … and boy did I hate life. But she managed to shake the fucking dirty thug for me, incidentally … by blackmailing him. Never found out what the blackmail was, but she did it. Then life went back to normal pretty much, like I hadn't passed off a crazy drug lord and basically had his life or business or whatever threatened so he'd stay away from me. And well … seems he had caught word of my much-awaited return to The City, and must have been keeping tabs on me. And so now … he was probably gonna have me tortured … laundered off to some high bitter or used as a token to structure some deal against Mrs.Van. Little does he know … she does not do hostage situations, merely drops the hostage as well the drifter trying to swindle her. She'd say “You get caught, you get ransomed, you ruin my business, you are liability and will be cut off like dirty asshole who tries to get one on me” so now … I let this Spanish fuck keep swearing at me while I wait for my indefinite doom. He continues on, saying how you should have never did what I did … I should have known better … and can't fuck over a true mother fucker, etc. Gangster mumbo jumbo really. All the while my head is racing with so many thoughts, I'll never get to tell The Knight about the words his dad had left with me the night after his twenty-first birthday. How I wanted The Jester and I to take that trip to the mountains like we always wanted to, that I was finally ready. And to The Imp … well, there was just too much to say … one of which was to thank her, for when she helped me years ago with Aurora, told me everything I was doing wrong … and how I needed to treat her and everyone else better, and how they had all actually discussed me being a problem, that without her help … I would have lost them all much sooner than I did, that she was so special for what she did, and I needed to thank her. I try to loosen my restraints silently and in an inconspicuous manner, to no avail … [To Be Continued]

[devilslinks]

# 𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔 !

— 𝗖𝗟𝗨𝗕 𝗙𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 | 𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗔, 𝗧𝗢𝗣 𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗘 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥.

wc; ( 3.2k )

synopsis; your best friend, raihan and you find yourselves eager to get intoxicated in one another's company. what better place than a night-club, dim lights, the overwhelmin' musk of the various alcoholic beverages; it's every guy pairs wet dream. that is until raihan gets shit-faced and excuses himself to the restroom while he pukes up his spiked guts. only to return to watch his sister take you balls deep, down her throat.

a/n: no brain, only nessa and her magical throat 🤝

warnings. MINORS DNI, NSFW CONTENT, family!au, raihan and nessa are siblings, club sex, intoxication, dirty talk, the name princess, deep throating, oral (m receiving), throat bulge, throat fucking, cum eating, flirty!nessa, jealous!raihan, exhibitionism, voyeurism.

euphoria.

that was the only word that came mind when raihan and you got involved in recreational activities like you did. galar was a go big or go home type of region, and the two of you stayed true to that motto. the itchy, messily thrown together suits that matched all the way down to the type of socks you had on— the overexcessive amounts of booze, and the loud music which just barely drowned out the fits of laughter and discussion littered throughout the packed club. as soon as the doors opened, flooding your senses with nothing but the sickly sweet, aroma of sex and other intoxicating chemicals; that's how you knew the had night begun.

the two of you had been indulging, before you arrived on the scene— time seemed to blur together with head-spinning speeds or come to a full halt at the worst of moments. you don't even know how long you'd been locking eyes with the transparent shapes and manufactured blurbs dancing across the wall a good, twenty, maybe thirty feet adjacent to your seat at the drink counter. the weight of something too heavy for your alcohol infused mind to register until the bar hostess was practically brewing with irritation at your non-compliance with her attempts to have you regain control of your dazed state; sat lazily in-between your pointer finger and thumb, respectively.

hell you don't even remember waddling over to the bar with the company you had brought with you. but you didn't mind, the painfully challenging to recall memories mattered not when there was already another drink swirling around the rim of your shot-glass. raihan's shifty frame wiggling in and out of your peripherals as you tug the half-empty cup to the skin of your lips, craning your head back to knock down whatever liquid remained at the bottom. the delicious burn of toxins coated the lining of your throat, trails of steamy fluid leaving their mark as the mystery liquor made it way down your esophagus. whatever it was, it packed a punch and wasted no time forcing your lips to curve into a bitter sneer— eyebrows shadowing your face in a sour demeanor, as you used the hem of your suit sleeve to whisk away any spilt mixture that tarnished your cherry red lips.

you hardly have the chance to open your mouth for a second time to address the swaying body, huddled closer the counter than it is to your own. raihan is a total mess, loopsy, and feverishly hot skin to compliment— he's stained a harsh, sickly green against his natural melanin tone. doubling over in either pain or the sudden flow of too many drinks pooling in his system; whatever the emotion he was enduring was, he wasted not a second longer before hustling off into the large gathering of people. disappearing before his lips could slur the final word, missing from his dialect.

“hh..h fuck- my stomach is gonna explode, i'll catch you-” his gravely tone churning into the backdrop just as quickly as he initiated the conversation; the familiar hum of lyrics to a song you couldn't quite place your finger on replaced whatever words raihan had previously gargled out before dashing off towards the public restrooms.

your head feels like it weighs a metric ton this late into the night, threatening to tumble forward as if your neck had lost any and all of it's support. your eyelids pulling down roughly over your eyes like window shades before the sudden wave of loneliness hit you like a truck. fiddling with the collar of your dress-shirt was entertaining enough to fill the void that was the now empty stool, where your best friend once resided. but that quick fix subsided rather easily and the once overwhelming presence of boredom had returned to take a seat.

and then, so did she.

“shit, rai- back so soon? you alright?” your vision was foggy and adorned with blurry bits here and there— but it was still evident enough to make out that, whoever was indeed now in your friend's seat, was not the person you had chauffeured to the club with.

“damn, do i really look, that bad? it's me, y/n. the painfully better looking sibling. what did that idiot put in your drink?” the speech is followed by a laugh. it was a warm and inviting chuckle, one that seemed to relax every muscle in your liquor tense body the moment she parted her spit silken lips. you had been in her company earlier that evening, which made it a tad easier for your incoherent mindset to process it. but nevertheless it was hard not to distinguish who the women paying you a visit was at this point, even if you hadn't engaged with her previously; nessa was infamous for those enchanting looks. and in your dumbified state, those gorgeous navy locks tied together by aquamarine highlights were one of a kind and stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the room of normal presenting citizens. though your brain didn't want to pick-up any of your surroundings, you found it quite easy to fawn over her in that ebony dress and the way it hugged her curves in all the right places.

“fuck.. nes' when'd you get so.. so.” you couldn't even find the energy or hell, the words to cough up the remainder of the sentence, you were so taken aback by how stunning she was, even behind your bleary, drunk eyes. but nessa wasn't oblivious— you were sure she had picked up the hint you had layed out so bluntly, and the warm palm slowly inching up your clothed thigh secured that suspension for you.

“not even so much as a greeting? you didn't even buy me a drink first; asshole.”

her words are firm, yet so light hearted at the same time; but just enough to set your arousal over the edge. your headspace so vulnerable to teasing that you're certain she knew what she was doing to your conflicted mind and body. her sly fingers are enough to coax you to shuffle your bar-stool closer to her's— not a single word wriggled around your throat in response, instead the tangy after-tase of alcohol still heavy on your tongue distracted you and you were sure the whole bar could acknowledge your intoxicated musk.

her features held so many different emotions at once, as she pryed you for a reply— trying to tell you each one obscured behind that pretty face, way too quickly for you to decipher. her brows furrowed quizzically, one tilted slightly higher than the other as her half lidded doe-eyes stared up at you like prey at a final stand off with their predator; just humbly surrending their body to the circle of life.

“hah, you're one to.. talk, nes' just because 'm out of it- doesn't mean my numb skin can't feel your heavy hand toying with my waistband.” the both of you swiftly changed direction, heads leering down at nessa's free hand. you were infact correct, you observed as the woman swirled shapes into the expensive leather of your belt. pulling bits between her fingers now and then as she silently struggled with the metalic buckle. your groin swelled tightly, gripping your boxers closer to the fat bulge behind your suit pants; it would take an idiot not to take notice of the wrinkled fabric secured around your aching dick. her skin felt like a furnace, contrasting your slightly cooler temperature— but with her body pressing so desperately to yours, you were sure the warmth from her melted over onto your feverish flesh. the damp, sheen of anxious sweat made the fabric of your suit, dewy. sticking slightly against your hellish skin.

“mm, i guess i was wrong about the greeting part— hello there, you look happy to see me.” not a hint of shame obscured her voice, you're miserably watching nessa shift her weight as she now palms at the mound between your legs. you've seen countless renditions of this night loop in your head, but now that the scenario is a reality; it's agonizing to try to contain your primal urges, face to face. it's a chore not to profess all the vile things you wanna carry out with her, but she's already one step ahead. that glare is dangerous, it makes you feel like she's trying convey that the two of you are already in on something devious.

“let me take care of you.. y/n.”

“let me treat you, nessa.”

the both of you drawl out in what would be perfect unison if your mind wasn't foggy and running slower than usual. you had both finally voiced the elephant in the room, the one which was just positively dripping with thick tension up until this moment in time. you're still squirming under nessa's grip, she can feel you whine and pant everytime she gives your cock a light squeeze between her fingers and it's not long before the two of you are absent from the bar and clawing at one another's linen around the corner. closest to any vacant area within eye-shot. well, as vacant as a small room seperated from the bustling club-life can get.

did you think the night would come to a close with your friend's sister skillfully sucking the soul out of your sloppy cock? not in a million years, but you'd be damned if you didn't want it to end on any other note. nessa fell to her knees before the two of you even made it out of view— planting herself in-between your thighs like she was a trained professional; no flaws in her technique as her tongue slid obediently from her mouth and latches onto the moist fabric masking her mouth's destination. nessa's fingers are long and slender, as they snake up your hips and meet at the belt tangled around your waist. you can feel your cock pumping against the seams of your pants, the uncomfortable sensation making it appear as though you'd rip through the cloth if your cock was imprisoned a second longer.

with the head-splitting atmosphere of the club playlist stretching and stuffing your ears to the brim with fast pitched edm that made your skull pound and jitter. as well as the added hum of the gym leader whispering inaudible nothings against your bulge as she at last pushed your pants down, and past your ankles; material getting caught on the fancy design of your shoes. you felt like you were on the brink of death, but the enticing appeal of hooking up with your best friend's relative kept your iron-will alive long enough to rough it out and pass the irritation that came with being black-out drunk.

your storm of worries fizzled just as quickly as they sprung up, maybe it was the alcohol but you swear this girl had the hands of the divine; you were washed away into infatuation once more. nessa's teeth hike up your boxers until they meet the waistline, pulling down on the hem with a familiar aggressiveness as she relishes in the way your big dick pops to life and looms over her lustful features; all chubby 'n decorated with veins fer' her viewing pleasure.

“shit.. i'm gonna have so much fun with your cock. you wanna make your stupid slut already? my mouth is just asking for it.” the first piece is low and almost voiced as if it was meant for her ears only— but the second half is most definitely directed at you; as she tilts her head to plant a few delicate lovebites along the base of your shaft. fingers looping gracefully around your hilt as she admires the girth you carry.

“fuck..” you hiss, cock twitching violently as you pleaded with sinful eyes. she had barely started her reign over your dick before guttural groans and mewls slid past your lips. the sensation of her tiny tastebuds as they trailed over the little glob of pre-cum that drooled from your cockhead was insatiable. the sudden action sent your hips forward almost automatically, like they instinctively acted on impulse; it felt so right. merely a few inches breached past her lips but there was enough speed and prowess in your thrust to drag a surprise gag from the mouth attached to your dick.

impatience was on the horizon, the buzz from copious amounts of alcohol had knocked down a few pegs. you were now fully aware of the figure positioned at your feet like she was praying for a god, and soon you'd make her chant like she was being fucked by one as well. broad fingers clamped down, squishing both sides of her jaw while simultaneously easing your length deeper, and deeper down her gullet like your dick was her last meal on earth. you throw your head back before letting it fall forward against the wall, watching those desperate dark iris' pool with puddles of lust that seem to be neverending.

“come'on princess, you know how badly you want this-- you gonna let me ruin this pretty throat?” you thumb over her warm cheeks, eyes glossy and threatening to ruin the simple makeup she applied before she arrived. the uncomfortable stretch of her esophagus molding as your cock fills the empty gaps in her throat with every inch you have; is one that isn't unfamiliar to her. dragging your pulsating veins along the dip in her mouth, her tongue greedily laps up any and all of the skin yet to be consumed by her.

“jesus.. fuck, oh fuck. take it, nes'. shit.” your cock fully slips into her, heavy and swollen as it spears her right down the middle; eyes rolling back into her skull as it's just too fucking big. bigger than anything she's previously had inside of her, anyway. your core bleeds with spots of warmth as you take the time to bask in the way every individual wall in her mouth feels as it constricts you almost painfully. sucking you in before she slides you back out of her throat once more; repeating the tedious cylce that has the two of you in a heated frenzy.

despite all the sudden and erratic pain, nessa bobs her head in sync, coaxing you to go as deep as humanly possible. rocking your hips as they snap against her face with every good fuck you give her— watching yourself grow rapidly from the outside of her neck, the moist skin now holding a curved bump near the middle. nessa takes the initiative. removing a hand from one of your thighs, she uses four fingers to lightly push and stroke the bulge; almost as if she was jerking you off while you ravaged her inards.

she knew exactly what she was doing, and it had you riled the fuck up.

you picked up the pace, delirious from the amount of stimulation your precious cock was receiving. with your erection fully encased by her face and your dick bouncing off the gummy walls of her gullet, you could tell her throat was already forming bruises with a throbbing soreness to compliment, time come the morning. your rough hands dig behind the back of her head, hands feeling lost amongst her ocean of hair— beautiful locks just perfect for pulling. you yank her face forward, lowering yours as well to not only established authority but to get your point across to the cockdrunk slut mindlessly slobbering all over your messy shaft.

“mfph-- please, cum.. i want- all!” you can just barely string together what sounds like whines for more— i guess she can sense just how close the knot in your stomach is to bursting because she grips the back of your thighs and tugs them forward with whatever coherent muscle strength she has remaining. just in time for the tension in your core to coil tighter and tighter, the lowerhalf of your body trembling with all the signs of an incoming orgasm.

“does my dumb little girl wanna be fucked, that, bad? hah, fuck nes' what would your brother think?” you mock so cruelly, totally disregarding the fact that there is a slim possibility, raihan is searching for the lost pair. and it just so happens that nessa's poor little brother had been observing for a little over half the engagement. fist wrapped around his pathetic cock, suit collar pulled between his fangs, ocean blue eyes fixated on you; your hip strength, the way you rolled and plunged balls deep into his sibling. his body felt so empty, only riding his high off the two of yours', praying he'd finish before you caught him lurking like a sleaze. it was so unfair, why did nessa get to taste your sultry cock before he did?

you can feel the bass reverberate in nessa's throat as her lips nip at your hilt, impatiently trying to babble out a response adequate enough to your liking. her mind is flying, no correct sense of direction as it attempts to form a reply, but all that breaks past the barrier is a few pitiful mewls. her nose is burried in your pubes and she's lost all feeling in her throat, only motivating her to show off the lump on her neck even more. you watch as your length disappears into the depths of her mouth for the hundredth time that night, hands pushing down the lacy strap of her dress in a last ditch effort to find something other than her hair to latch onto for support. her scalp is on fire and she can only accept the stinging sensation as the roughness of your thrusts increase in magnitude.

the club is filled to the brim with lewd moans and needy pants; those of which included raihan's. every inch of her esophagus is being used— you happily ram your cock down her throat a few more times, your balls were quivering wildly. contracting and spasming, boiling with a fat wad of potent seed all ready to venture inside of her. nessa squeals, feeling a thick bulge travel up the length of your cock, up to the head and straight on her tongue; some spurts flowing down her neck while the rest collected in her mouth. painting her insides a translucent white that would surely stain.

just for good measure, nessa deep throats your empty dick with a few simple strokes; a white, sticky ring forming around the base of your shaft after she detached from your dick. a lewd pop, followed by a line of stringy saliva connected her lips to your bottomed out cock before she ruined the trail by letting her tongue lull from behind her teeth. letting you get a nice overhead view of her empty mouth, watching as the last bits of your load traveled down her throat and out of sight for good.

“god.. such a g'girl. you sucked on my cock so nicely, princess. wasn't that a way to end the night?” a blissed out smile creeps over your face, marveling in the aftermath you caused. you gave the right side of her face a few taps from your cock— dried tears and sloppy makeup tainting her cheeks. cum dripping from the corners of her mouth, as a cocktail of her own spit and your semen coats the back of her throat. it was all one big look of;

euphoria.

[persistent-wallflower]

19 questions and a selfie tag thinggg, thank you @hermionegrindr for tagging me 🥰

1. What do you prefer to be called (name wise)?

My name's Miłosz, but Milo is fine for folks who don't speak Polish 😅

2. When's your birthday?

July the 7th ✌

3. Where do you live?

In Poland 😔✌🇵🇱

4. What are you doing right now?

Getting ready to make final changes in my thesis ✨

5. 4 fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Hmm, Pokémon... true crime podcasts... Drag Race... Jelle's Marble Runs haha. Idk, I'm not really feeling like being a part of these fandoms, I guess I just like these things.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you?

I had 3 mental breakdowns throughout the pandemic, so not great :P And it was still better from the torment of Nothing Happening and Meeting Nobody for months ✌ But heyyy, at least I didn't get sick ✌✌

7. A song you can't stop listening to recently?

8. Recommend a movie

In the Mood for Love ✨

9. How old are you?

22 ✌

10. School, university, occupation?

Hopefully graduating in 2 weeks 😬

11. Do you prefer to be hot or cold?

Well, I prefer when it's a bit colder I think, only because I hate sweating 😓

12. Name a fact others may not know about you?

I'm an ABBA fan since I watched Mamma Mia for the first time (aged 9 I think lol)

13. Are you shy?

Ye.

Shyness in nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to ✌👍

14. Pronouns?

He/him

15. Biggest pet peeve?

When others are acting arrogant?

16. Rate your life from 1-10

Idk if I can. I've been lucky in many aspects, like the general financial situation or other circumstances, but as of my enjoyment of living, I'm not a fan of my life 😛 I'll pass ✌

17. What's your main blog?

This is it ✨

18. List all your side blogs and what they're for

@artsyghostmansions for my art, though I switched to dumping it to insta

@beautifulitems-beautufulplaces for things that are wonderfully designed usually, like buildings and stuff

@- I have a sideblog in Polish where I spit out the bitterness and sorrow when I need it and don't wanna worry my friends, but it's not exactly made for viewing

@- I have a sexy sideblog too, but It's pretty much for mutuals only ✌

19. Is there anything people should know about you before becoming friends with you?

No cuz you wouldn't want to then haha

20. Selfie

My most recent one that I liked 🤷‍♂️

I'll tag @demonrunningwild, @enthronedremains, @yddaw, @privateschoolfeline, @phonsekal-laure if any of you want to 😊

[whumpmatsus]

Why is Ichimatsu so mean to Karamatsu? I heard that it was because he is jealous, is that true?

oh boy you really want your resident Iromatsu slut to talk about this huh you're opening a gate which you might not be able to close sweetie BUT LET'S FUCKIN GOOO

*cracks knuckles* buckle up buttercups

so, first of all, I do believe Ichimatsu has gotten a lot better in his treatment of Karamatsu in recent episodes! I saw it for myself a bit in Cherry Blossoms, he sorta bristles a bit at Kara being obnoxious with his friends but as soon as he's out of earshot he just laughs it off and smiles and is like "well at least he knows how to have a good time" like his expression and tone there at least in the dub is very fond and reminds me of how, even though my younger brother and I don't always get along, sometimes he's like that with me

he's getting less mean and mellowing out and not constantly spitting one-liners even when Kara is a bit painful, my boy is coming so far

and quite honestly, these boys are SO FUCKING COMPLEX that there are endless reasons for the way Ichimatsu feels about and treats Karamatsu, and so this is really just my own opinion

but for me, it reads as a mixture of a few things

one is, yes, jealousy, because we see the way Ichimatsu was in high school, he was burning out of social interaction in his last year, violently pretending to be someone he wasn't, pretending to be a social butterfly, pretending he wasn't anxious every single minute he was talking to someone. we never really get a clear-cut answer as to why he pushed himself to do that, but we do see that he couldn't keep it up. every time someone looked away from focusing on him, he let himself 'relax'. it took all his energy, because talking to people all damn day when you're an introvert and riddled with social anxiety is exhausting.

and so to Ichimatsu, the way Karamatsu is now, he sees it as an act, but it's an act that Karamatsu seems able to keep up. as far as Ichi can see, it's not draining Kara's energy like it did to Ichi. Kara almost seems happier pretending he's got a ton of confidence when he's still in some ways he same shy, insecure person he was at 18.

so yeah, there's jealousy, because how fucking unfair is it that Ichimatsu couldn't take it and fucking Shittymatsu can?? that must seem incredibly infuriating, that Kara can keep up this act 24/7 while that same act was part of what broke Ichimatsu to pieces and pushed him further into depression

segueing into my next point, I think a lot of Ichimatsu's bitterness toward Karamatsu is specifically because Karamatsu reminds him of himself in high school. and Ichimatsu fucking HATES his high school memories, because who in their right mind enjoys thinking about a time when they were suffocating under a false personality, having to hide who they really were or they'd lose all their friends?

he looks at Karamatsu and he sees the guy he himself used to be, and he hates that. he hates it so much. why the hell is Karamatsu even doing this? so people will like him? Ichimatsu could tell him point-blank that it doesn't work like that. people liking the fake you isn't people liking you. they just like the mask. that frustrates him more than anything, because whatever else is true, he thinks Karamatsu should just fucking be himself whether people like him or not.

and the last thing I'll mention (because this is getting way too long 😂) is that Ichimatsu is constantly mourning the relationship they used to/could have had. he and Karamatsu were MUCH closer in high school, in part because Kara frequently showed his own anxiety more freely, and Ichi related to him because of that. they hung out more back then, they ate lunch together, they were even more physically affectionate.

but now... Karamatsu's covering all of it up and pretending it doesn't exist, so Ichimatsu doesn't feel like he can relate anymore. he did his share of pretending and sometimes when he hangs out with Kara in the present, he feels like he needs to pretend again simply because Kara is pretending. obviously that's not what Kara wants and he's not directly pressuring Ichi, (and he would feel horrible if he knew Ichi felt like that), but the feeling is still there, unfortunately.

... also Karamatsu is just really painful and Ichi is easily annoyed by over-the-top tryhards, even if they're his big brother 😂😂

THIS GOT WAY LONG BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR ASKING THIS KIND OF THING TO A KNOWN IRO STAN LOL

[starlightxsvt]

Smoke || Jeon Wonwoo au

Paring: Wonwoo x Female reader

Genre: angst, friends to lovers, some fluff, slight smut

Warnings: cursing

A pair of hands land on your shoulders and you jump slightly, a squeak leaving your lips.

"Wonwoo! You scared me!" You hiss, clutching your chest, putting down the books in your hand. Your shift in the library is almost over.

Wonwoo gives you a soft smile, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Wanted to surprise you. I was free so I thought I'd walk you home." He shrugs, putting his hands in his pockets. You frowned at him slightly, knowing he was hiding something but you let it go for the moment.

"That's really nice of you." You mutter, arranging the books.

He says nothing but watches you do your work quietly.

"I have to stop by the convenience store, do you mind?" You ask as both of you walk side by side, accompanied by the night silence.

"No. Let's go."

You pick up the materials you needed and put them in the small cart, all the while wondering what's wrong with Wonwoo. You knew very well that he didn't visit you to walk you home but because something was bothering him.

You like Wonwoo, more than a close friend. You really liked him but he was rather oblivious to your feelings which you were glad about. You know Wonwoo is seeing someone and even if he didn't, he'd never reciprocate your feelings. As much as it hurt you, Wonwoo was a precious friend and you didn't want to loose him just because of your pathetic unrequited feelings.

You walk to the counter to pay, followed by a quiet Wonwoo who, once reaches there, picks one of the cigarette packets and takes out his money.

You look at him, a little shocked. It was been quite a while since Wonwoo smoked. It took a lot of work on your part to stop that habit of his and seeing him do it again made you upset and realize that something, indeed, was wrong.

"What's wrong, Wonwoo?" You ask once you step out of the store.

"What do you mean?" He doesn't meet your eyes but lights up a cigarette.

You watch him blow out a smoke and sigh,"You are smoking. I thought you said you didn't need to smoke while you're with me."

I don't feel like smoking when you're with me. I just need you, he'd said.

Wonwoo huffs out a breath and sits down at one of the stairs in front of the store. You take a seat beside, maintaining a safe distance from the smoke he breathed.

"Audrey broke up with me."

Oh, so this was the issue.

You don't say anything, instead stare at your feet. He speaks, "She left with that jerk."

"You saw this coming, Wonwoo." You speak quietly.

"Yea but I tried!" He snaps. "I tried my best so that this day would never come. I did everything I could and more for her."

You hated that he was hurt but your hate for how desperate he was for her is far more. You saw vile, ugly emotions of green and you hated the fact that the girl used him like that, while you'd give up everything to be longed by Wonwoo like that.

"You tried too hard Wonwoo. Sometimes letting go hurts less than holding on." The bitter words leave your mouth.

"What?" His brows furrow, irritated. You inhale deeply, "Wonwoo, you need to let her go. She's a bitch who doesn't deserve you. Stop pinning for her when you clearly deserve someone better."

"Don't talk about her like that," he steps on his cigarette and meets your eyes, a clear warning in his tone.

A humorless laugh escapes you as you rub your temples, "Okay seriously?" You stand up, your patience running thin, "Stop acting like a fucking child Wonwoo. Grow up. It's not the end of the world of Audrey doesn't return your feelings.

"Is that your jealousy speaking?" Wonwoo stands up, towering over you, a challenge in his eyes.

You look at him flabbergasted. How did he...

"Yea, just because you think you're doing a good job hiding your feelings for me doesn't mean you really are. The whole campus knows you've got a thing for me so don't act like you weren't jealous of her."

Tears form in your eyes as you gape at him in disbelief. All your self control vanishes as you speak the next words, "Yes, I'm jealous of her! What I have for you is not just a thing, it's my sincere feelings unlike that bitch who has been toying with you since the past year!" You rub your eyes, not letting the tears escape, taking a step towards him. You speak meeting his eyes, "It's not my jealousy speaking because if I wanted, I could've broke the two of you up a long time ago. I'm saying this because I'm tired Wonwoo! I'm tired of being your punching bag! I'm tired of seeing you get hurt repeatedly for someone who doesn't give two shits about you! You always end up getting hurt and I'm the one who collects all your broken pieces. I'm the one who made you stop smoking. I'm the one who holds you together when you fall apart. I've always been there for you Wonwoo but...now I'm wondering... why? To be treated like this?" You voice grows small as you choke back on your tears. Wonwoo looks at you, his jaw clenched and hands fisted.

"I'm done Wonwoo. You're a precious friend to me and I hid my feelings cuz I didn't want to loose you for that. But I'm done being used. I'll see you if you truly want to be friends with me." You whisper and turn around, desperate to escape from his presence.

-

Weeks have passed by since your last encounter with Wonwoo. As your finals are near you try your best not to think about him; instead you busy yourself with studies. It's the weekend and after a full day of studying you sit in front of the TV, grumpy about the fact that there isn't anything delicious to eat. You contemplate on ordering online when there's a knock on your door.

Wonwoo, the last person you expected, stands there with his hands full of bags. He speaks, "Thought we should have dinner together." You stare at him, astonished at his casual behavior, like nothing happened between you two.

He steps in and places the bags on your kitchen counter, emptying them. You eye the contents - fried chicken and fries with beer, stuffed donuts.

"Go wash your hands. I'll serve them."

"What are you doing Wonwoo? I'm pretty sure you are at the wrong address." You speak watching him plate up. He pauses before his eyes meet yours and he sighs softly, taking a seat on your kitchen stool.

"I've thought a lot about us in these few weeks. And I realized a lot of things. For one, I took you for granted when you are literally the best thing that happened to me, y/n. I... I used you and for that I'm really sorry. I sorry for being a jerk that day when everything you said were true. I'm sorry about so many things."

You stare at the floor not meeting his eyes, arms crossed over your chest as you try to keep your emotions at bay.

"I can't imagine a life without you." He whispers, "I'm not complete without you. You're the one who has held me together until now. You're the one who has been with me through thick and thin. You - you make me want to be a better person. If... if it wasn't for you, I'd be so lost. I'm so glad you came into my life y/n. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Your heart breaks and a stray tear rolls over your cheek. Wonwoo seems to notice as he stands up and cups your cheek, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'll leave if you want me to. I just wanted to see your face and tell you I'm sorry. It has been so long."

You meet his eyes as you place your hands over his, "So what is your point Wonwoo?"

He sighs, "My point is, I don't want to be friends with you. Well, I technically want that but not just friends. I want to be your boyfriend, you best friend, I want to be your everything."

"Are you sure about this? Are you really over Au-"

"Fuck Audrey, fuck everyone. It is you. It was you since the very first moment. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand."

You heart swells with love and you can't hold back anymore as your lips clash with his. You thread your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as his hands find purchase on your waist. Soon enough he's picking you up and putting you on the kitchen counter as his hands tug on your shirt. "Wonwoo, what are you doing?" You gasp, breathless.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he murmurs, planting kisses along your neck as his hands travel all over your body,accompanied by your soft sighs and moans.

"The food will get cold."

"Yeah? Well the food can wait but I can't." He attaches his lips to yours again, picking you up and heading for your bedroom. "Someone's really horny." You smile against his lips.

"Well you are not any better." He retorts putting you on the bed and softly kissing your cheek before taking off his shirt.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you."

"Mmhmm."

He smiles,"I gave up smoking, for good. I really, only need you."

A/N: Happy Birthday to our precious bag of luck and my bias wrecker,Jeon Wonwoo. This one is dedicated to him. And thanks to y'all for loving my previous work, it really made me very happy :"). As always, feedbacks are appreciated! 💖

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ TREAT YOU BETTER ❜

with Juan Carlos ‘Juice’ Ortiz.

Request: Oh please please tell me I make the cut! But can you do a Juice x Reader where Reader and Juice are good friends and she is in a bad relationship and he is trying to convince her that it's a bad relationship? Basically to the song, "Treat you Better" by Shawn Mendes

BY @firebenderwolf

Word count: about 1.2k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author.

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I won't lie to you, I know he's just not right for you. And you can tell me if I'm off, but I see it on your face, when you say that he's the one that you want. And you're spending all your time in this wrong situation. And anytime you want it to stop, I know I can treat you better than he can.

Juice has lost the track of how many times he has heard you crying because of that asshole. He has lost the track of how many times he has to comfort you because you had found another infidelity from him. But you are convinced that you love him, that you can change him. You believe your boyfriend every time he tells you that you're crazy, or that he won't do it again when you have proof of what he has done.

This time, you found him with another girl in your house. In your room. In the bed you share. And you have run away to Juice's house. He doesn't need to ask what's happening when he opens the door to see the mess of suffering you are. Heavily sighing with a sorrow installed on his throat, he doesn't doubt to embrace you with all the love he unconditionally feels for you. Making you come into the inside, he closes the door, before leaning enough to place his hands on the back of your thighs; urging you to surround his waist with your legs. You feel bad for him too. He must be tired of every shitty situation you put him on. Tired of always telling you that you deserve the world, that you deserve someone better, that you are worth it, that you're amazing. But you have never listened to. Until now.

Sitting on the sofa, he holds as much closer as he can, burying your face into the gap between his neck and his collarbone. Juice is not going to lie. He loves that you always come to him, even if it's not in the way he would like to. But you finally keep choosing him for a second. Your tears wet his shirt, and he doesn't care. He's just staying in silence, caressing your back, trying to make you feel better.

I'll stop time for you the second you say you'd like me to. I just want to give you the loving that you're missing. Baby, just to wake up with you would be everything I need. And this could be so different. Tell me what you want to do.

Juice could put the world to turn to the opposite direction just for you. He could turn off the moonlight just for you. He would do anything for you. And you know it. You know it pretty well. As you know how much he would enjoy killing that son of a bitch. After some minutes clinged to him, your breathing is calmed, your cry is unnoticeable and the pain is disappearing little by little. He cleans the left tears on your cheeks, pulling yourself away some inches.

“I'm sorry… for putting you on it every damn time”. You try to apologize, receiving a shake of his head back.

“I'm your friend”. He just says, noticing the bitter on his words and hidden on the fleeting smile he shows you.

Yes, he is. And you know that you're really terrified of recognizing your feelings for him, just because you don't want to lose him. Resting your head on Juice's shoulders, he gets up to carry you to his bed. After helping you to take off your sneakers and the socks, he gives you a shirt to sleep on. Sleeping with him after a bad day is like coming back to life after death. His body warms yours, surrounding your anatomy with his strong arms, gluing your back to his chest. The kisses on your head shut your demons, your insecurities and yours fears. Sometimes you would like him to be your boyfriend, but you're not even sure about what he feels. Maybe the bitter tone you noticed it's just because he's tired of being your teabag, after bail him on a lot of times for spending time with your real shitty boyfriend.

Give me a sign, take my hand, we'll be fine. Promise I won't let you down. Just know that you don't have to do this alone. Promise I'll never let you down.

He could be his whole life lying on his bed, with you comfy curled under his grip, peacefully sleeping as if there weren't any trouble outside of his room. Resting his face over the pillow, with yours on his bicep, he presses his lips on your forehead. Two long seconds. Not wanting to end that lovely gesture. Not wanting to stop kissing you. He would never get tired of kissing every single inch of your skin, once and again. But there he is, comforting you before saying go again to be with your boyfriend.

“I wish you could see me the way I see you”. He whispers, gently caressing the back of your head.

The sun is almost shining and Juice knows that you will wake up in a few minutes, so he just fits his body to yours with the only intention of enjoying your company, before letting you leave. Sighing sleepy against his chest, you sink your face in his neck. His heart jumps, praying that you haven't heard his words.

I know I can treat you better than he can and any girl like you deserves a gentleman. Tell me why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying, when you should be with me instead.

Juice feels like shit, sitting on the porch of his house, watching your black car turn the corner. Leaving his neighborhood. He could cry like never before right now, without caring about who could watch him. Every time he is exactly where he is, his heart is squeezed by a painful sensation. Always saying to himself that he isn't good enough for you, that you prefer a man who cheats on her every night than an outlaw biker. And he can't blame you. He chose that life, like you chose yours.

But driving to your house you have something like a flashback, like a deja vu. Like a signal. Parking outside and coming into the silent house, you know that Darren isn't there. Maybe he left for work, maybe he left for another bitch. And you have made a decision on your own. For your mental health. Putting your things into two suitcases and a bag, you are sure that you're not going to tolerate any humiliation more. And you're sure that you can stay at the clubhouse until you find a house to live in.

Even so, your first stop is at Juice's. When he opens the door and doesn't see you crying, but smiling softly and ashamed, he frowns confused.

“I'm not gonna come back with him”.

He's not sure about what you are saying to him.

“It's over, Juice. You wh—”.

You can't finish. He doesn't let you. His lips on yours don't let you. You don't hesitate in placing your fingers in his shirt, tangling them in the fabric of it. You weren't wrong. The words he said last night were true. It wasn't a dream. He pushes you into his house, repeating the same gesture he has done last night. But now, you two are curled on his sofa, giving each other the kisses you have ever wanted to give.