#and i'd start getting annoyed but no one would answer that fast

[lee1504]

i'm starting to feel annoyed by my friends but it's not really their fault :/

[jessjad]

Rightfully deceived

Chapter 3

Summary: When a marriage promise forces Y/N to step up for her younger sister, she gets something she always wanted. But when the truth comes out, her new husband Dean is not so happy about the mix-up. Will she loose it all? Or will she be surprised in the end?

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: 2696

Warnings: arranged marriage, lying, forced proximity and a little abandonment.

A/N: Well, let's see how this goes down... All mistakes are mine! Enjoy!

Series Masterlist My Masterlist

The weather was starting to get colder day by day now. Winter was fast approaching and Y/N could feel it. She was standing infront of the castle, the only home she had ever known, and watched Dean's men getting ready to leave.

The carts were already loaded and the horses saddled. Her belongings were also already stowed away. At least the things she could take with her. All that was missing was her own horse, Arrow, a young stayer she had hand-raised. This way she could at least take a little piece of home with her.

She tried not to stay in anyone's way, but the men from the Winchester Clan did not seem to be bothered by her. And eventhough it felt like time was running in slow motion, they were ready to leave faster than she liked. Dean was still not around, but his brother Sam was. He smiled nicely at her whenever their eyes meet and that made Y/N feel a little better. After the horses were harnessed, Sam came over to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked and touched her shoulder lightly.

"Well... I'm better than I thought I'd be." she answered honestly, but before Sam could reply, Dean joined them.

"Are we ready?" he did not sound so happy.

"Yeah, we're all set." Benny said from one of the carts.

"Alright. Let's go." Dean replied and a few seconds later he sat on his horse and was holding out his hand towards Y/N.

She looked at him in surprise. What was he indicating? Did he want her to sit with him on his horse?

"I... I will ride on my own horse." but as she was looking at Arrow she saw that Millie was already sitting in the saddle.

"Your maid will ride it with the rest of your belongings." Dean said and was still holding out his hand.

"Then... I... can walk. It's not a problem. "

"Yeah, you could. But our trip will already take a day by horse." which meant it would take even longer by foot. "And the nights are getting cold."

He sounded neutral, but Y/N saw in Dean's eyes that he was starting to get annoyed. She really didn't want to make it more difficult or complicated, but she could also imagine that he wanted to have as little as possible to do with her.

"Well... maybe I can sit on a cart..."

"Oh for god's sake." Dean grumbled under his breath and hopped off his horse.

Before Y/N could react in any way, Dean was at her side tugging on her arm. And within seconds he picked her up and sat her down on his horse. As if she would've weighed nothing. She squealed upon that action while Dean sat up again right behind her. He reached around her and picked up the reins again with both hands.

"Everybody move! I wanne be home before midnight." Dean called out and the travel company set off.

Y/N looked back over her shoulder and some tears started to burn her eyes. She had had a lot of lovely goodbyes including big hugs and warm words. A lot of people from her clan wished her well. Only her father did not say much except some warnings words to not embarass him.

The trip back to Dean's castle was quiet and without any disturbance. They stopped once for ten minutes to eat something and to go to the bathroom. But now they've been on their way again for several hours. The day was starting to dim down slowly and Dean was sure that Y/N's back and hips must've started to hurt a little by now. But they moved faster than expected and would therefore be home earlier than planned.

He was thinking about another stop, when he felt the woman infront of him leaning a little more into his chest. And when her head fell onto his shoulder he looked down on her to see that she had fallen asleep. Her face was relaxed and her chest rose and fell evenly.

Dean started to smile and his heart began to beat a little faster, but that didn't hold very long. This was not Helena. He had to keep remembering himself, that this was the wrong woman in his arms. Pictures from last night reappeared in his mind and he frowned. Eventhough this was Y/N, why did this feel so right?

When Y/N awoke the next time, the horse she was sitting on had stopped in his tracks. She felt Dean's strong chest on her back and his arms that surrounded her to hold the reins. It was warm and comfortable, eventhough her butt and thighs hurt a little.

"We are here." Dean said quietly into her ear.

And so she looked around. The day had already moved into the blue hour, but it was still bright enough to see everything. They stood infront of the castle. A big castle. At least three times bigger than her's. Dean had already gotten off his horse while men started to surround them and helped unpacking their things. There were so many people here.

With a look back over her shoulder Y/N was trying to find Millicent and when she spotted her, she saw that her friend had gotten help from Dean's brother Sam. The woman had a slight smile on her face and it warmed her heart a little.

"Are you able to come down?" asked Dean and Y/N turned her head to him.

She wanted to say 'yes', but somehow her voice did not work and so she just nodded her head. The only problem was that her legs felt stiff and Y/N was unsure if she could get down safely and with a little bit of grace. She swung her leg a little clumsily to the other side and almost lost her footing. But Dean was there to help right away and grabbed Y/N by her waist to lift her down.

When she felt solid ground under her feet again, she looked up at Dean and thanked him with a small, relieved smile. However, he didn't smile back and then Y/N noticed that they were standing quite close together. She felt the tight grip his hands had on her waist, felt the warmth radiating from his chest, and for the briefest of moments she felt the urge to rise up on her tiptoes and kiss him. But Dean abruptly let go of her and turned his back to her, untying the bags on his saddle.

"DEAN!" screamed a female voice full of joy and him and Y/N were turning their heads towards the voice.

A young, darksinned woman ran towards them and smiled brightly. She ran to Dean and embraced him tightly. Y/N took a step back, feeling a little awkward and almost as an intruder to this scene infront of her. Dean did not embrace her back, but he didn't push her back either.

"Cassie." was all he said, before slowly peeling himself free from her arms.

"I did not think you would be back today. I thought you'd come home tomorrow or in two days." she said with excitement.

Y/N furrowed her brows and a weird feeling settled in her gut. These two seemed a little to familiar with each other and she couldn't help but wonder what their relationship was.

"It all went down faster than I thought..." Dean said and gave Y/N a quick glance which Cassie followed. "... and I just wanted to be home again."

"Oh! Then you must be Helena, right?" Cassie walked over to Y/N, but before she could answer Dean already spoke for her.

"No. That's Y/N. Her sister." he explained rather emotionless.

Now Cassie looked confused and Y/N felt a little irritated by Dean's tone. It had been his decision to take her with him, right? She had not demaned anything from him, nor had she insisted on comming with him and take her place as his wife. So there was no reason for him to be like that.

"Oh, really?" Cassie turned around to Dean again. "Where is Helena?"

"Not here." Dean replied and swung a bag over his shoulder. "I married Y/N."

And with that he left the two women alone and made his way into the castle.

Since then a whole month had passed and Y/N still felt like she did not really belong here. She felt alone in these big walls and missed her home and her Clan. She visited Arrow a lot and the horse was always happy to see her. Being in the box with him had something so familiar for her, it mended her heart everytime. Millie could tell that she was not quite happy and tried to spend as much time with her as she could. Now, the women could be more open about their friendship. Y/N was the new lady after all.

But Millie was still fulfilling her duties and everytime she was alone on her way, Sam seemed to join her. They talked a lot whenever they could and Millie seemed to be more happy here than Y/N was. The maid always smiled and her cheeks blushed a little when Sam smiled down on her. Y/N was happy for her friend. Sam was a good guy and they were really sweet together. Dean on the other hand...

In the first week he showed her around, but it felt more like he had to instead of he wanted to. They slept in the same room, but he barely talked to her. So, whenever they were in the same room, Y/N started to talk. She could not stand the weird silence between them and eventhough he did not respond to her words, he did not flee the room either. And somehow she took that as a positive sign. Maybe, just maybe, if he got to know her more, his heart would melt a little and his anger about the situation could fade away. At least that was what she hoped.

But after the first week he went on a short business trip. Dean had been gone for five days and that gave Y/N time to get to know the daily routine in the castle better. At one point she would need to start to take over the responsebility for the castle and the Clan. She was married to Dean. It gave her that power.

It did not take long before she met the woman who was in charge the whole time. Her name was Ellen and she basically managed the castle. Her daughter Jo helped her with the tasks and they made a pretty good team. These two were the first ones who had really welcomed Y/N here and started to bring her in right away.

After two days Y/N felt as if they were already friends. Jo was a few years younger than her, but neither of them could tell that. She was funny, clever and beautiful. A few men of the Clan seemed to flirt with her and she knew how to handle them. Y/N was really impressed by that. For her that would've never been an option.

Ellen was rather strict, but she had a big heart and only good intentions. Everyone knew that you should not mess with her, especially since she cooked for the whole castle. But everyone respected her and in truth they all liked her. She was almost like a mother and that made Y/N's heart hurt a little. Since her own mother had been gone for so long by now, that the picture the woman had in her mind, slowly started to fade away.

"Yeah, and that's how we handle the dinners." explained Ellen while she cooked the lamp stew on the big stove.

"But... that's a pretty big pot. Isn't he heavy?" Y/N asked.

Ellen had said, that only the women would serve the food. Carrying out the pots, pans and plates.

"It is pretty heavy. So four of us will carry it. It's the same when we eat suckling pig. But that's not all the time."

And still, in Y/N's ears it did not make sense. There were a lot of strong men here that could carry the heavy things alone or in groups of two. It would be easier for everyone. But to that Ellen had only one thing to say.

"That's how we did it in all those years and Dean probably never wanted to change that."

But only half an hour later Y/N's point got proven when four women came into the dining hall with the heavy pot and one of them lost her footing on the stairs up from the kitchen. The other three lost their balance too and half of the stew spilled over the floor.

Ellen exchanged a knowing look with Y/N after both women rushed to their aid. In the end the men were the only ones who got to taste the stew and everyone else had to eat the side dishes. It was still enough for all, but it was a shame about the delicious meat. And that was not everything that could use improvement.

When Dean came back from his first business trip Y/N tried to talk to him. But Y/N felt like he did not even listened to her. He was focused on his papers that were lying on the table near the window in their bedroom. He did not even look up to her, only grumbled. She had never felt so lost, standing in the middle of the room and not even being noticed by her now husband. Two days later he went on the next business trip and it made her only fell worse.

Everyone else in the castle was really nice to her. She tried to be as polite and friendly as she could, wanting to show them that she was interested in the people of her new Clan and the way they lived their life here. And it seemed as if the others responded well to that. Slowly they welcomed her more and more and became more open to her. At least that was some consolation.

The only one she didn't really seem to warm up to was Cassie. The young woman seemed to be clearly avoiding her and Y/N wasn't entirely sure why. She had a feeling that Cassie really liked Dean and she knew from Millie that the young woman would have liked to marry Dean. That's what Sam had said. But Y/N hadn't expected the whole situation to end like this either and that's why she didn't think the behavior was entirely fair to her.

But while Cassie was too focused on Dean, Y/N realized that there was someone who probably really liked Cassie. It was a blonde Scottish man named Alex, maybe a year older than Cassie, and he always tried to be near her and help Cassie. But she didn't appreciate his advances. On the contrary, she seemed rather annoyed by him. And somehow Y/N recognized herself in the situation. So at some point she took advantage of the opportunity and tried to have a conversation with Alex.

"You really like her, don't you?" Y/N asked with a gentle smile on her face.

"Who? Cassie?" Alex looked kinda embarassed.

Y/N nodded. "Yeah, I do." Alex admitted after a moment.

"Did you tell her?"

"What? NO!" he looked down on the ground and Y/N could feel that he was not feeling comfortable right now. "I mean... she likes Dean."

"Yeah... I've noticed." now Y/N was not felling so comfortable with that topic.

"Don't worry about her behavior. It's not because of you." Alex explained.

That was the moment when Y/N realized that the rather shy and quiet boy noticed more than one would think.

"Then what is it about?" Y/N wanted to know.

"It's because he was supposed to marry Helena. And then... he came back with another woman."

Which meant that she was angry, that the other woman was someone else and not Cassie. And again Y/N was asking herself if it still had been a good idea to actually come here.

A/N: It could've been better, right? Dean's not really there and now we have Cassie also. 🫣 🫣 Let me know what you think. Feedback is very much appreciated! 💜

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[inbabylontheywept]

Your writing style i think is think is my favorite thing in life right now. How did you develop it?

The short answer to that is by reading Calvin and Hobbes, Patrick McManus, Dave Barry, Douglas Adams, and Terry Pratchett and doing my best to incorporate their style and cadence into my own. The long answer to that would be my life story, which is very long indeed, and uh. Slightly in progress.

But that's my style. If you're asking for advice on how to develop your own writing style, my first bit of advice is going to be to imagine who past works you've read that have really, really stayed with you, then study those. Figure out what you liked about those, and then try playing with them. And be prepared for the results to be weird. I don't even like Cormac McCarthy, but I'd run into this thing where I started reading a line and then fifty pages later, I'd stop and go, what the fuck, where am I, who am I, am I Jason Bourne? So I tried figuring out what made his style do that to me and it was literally just how much the man hates commas. He uses tons of transition words to just keep his sentences rolling. I threw that into my works and it did wonders for the feeling of urgency.

I tried copying Sam Kriss's super ornate prose. Zero success. Still don't know how he does it. I liked the story that came out of it of it, but it's a totally different beast from what Sam makes. I tried making dialogue like Damalur, and I couldn't even bring myself to post the results. Beyond dog. 2/10 work on my end.

And as always, look at what you already do well, and lean into it. Some fields only care about what you do wrong. If you're an airplane mechanic, or a heart surgeon, or an OSHA inspector, your job is not making a single mistake. But writing is one of those jobs that's measured more about what you get right than what you get wrong, and people will tolerate a lot of weird minor annoying bullshit things if you can get even one or two little things extremely right. I mean, I fucking loved The Locked Tomb series (another writing style I could not imitate to save my life) but the books are just aggressively confusing, and the first book's plot is both too slow (at the start) and too fast (at the end) and basically just MacGuffin driven. Right? But it's great, because Tamsyn's narrative voice is amazing, and her aesthetic descriptions are amazing, and the inner worlds of the characters are depicted so vividly. It's a masterpiece. Three things extremely right and it's a masterpiece.

i'm rambling a little and it's late. Thanks for the ask, and thanks for the compliment. I hope you have a wonderful evening.

[dr5amatic]

AT THE GATES ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel a reaper at the gates by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

no harm shall befall you. i vow it.

i fear what you will do if harm comes to those whom you love.

i would destroy anyone who dared hurt you.

your heart is made to love. to give. not to take.

it's stupid to fall for a once-dead ghost-talker, i don't care how pretty he is.

who took him? tell me!

talk or die.

unless you're a fool, you'll agree that death would be preferable. i will make it swift.

i could never mourn them. i wasn't allowed to.

you nearly got yourself killed. is that not enough?

you have much to learn, and i do not know how much time i have to teach you.

go or don't, doesn't matter to me. but stop being woeful and useless. i don't have the patience for it.

you didn't ask for assassination. you asked for destruction, and destruction takes time.

you don't have to tell me if you don't wish to.

you don't have to come with me.

not a chance. never again. where you go, i go.

you will fail, usurper.

i thought we would have more time. i thought we'd find a way out for you.

i don't want to let you go. not yet. not so soon.

you are cruel, [name], to give a girl all she desires only to tear it away.

this isn't the end for us, [name]. do you hear me? this is not our end.

you've never been a liar. don't start now.

why are you lurking out there? are you spying on me?

you destroyed my life. you could have saved them. you—you monster.

what of you, [name]? are you not a monster?

fare thee well, [name]. i will see you once more before your end.

tell me what's going on. i can decide whether it concerns me or not.

how the hells are we going to get out of here?

i won't make a promise i can't keep, and neither should you.

any other threats? discussions you wish to waste my time with? none? good. then lets get the hells out of here.

you are new to your power, but that does not mean you do not have it.

i'm not going anywhere with you, not until you tell me who you are.

if i answer one question, will you stop being so annoying and let me get you to a safe house?

why did you not listen to me, [name]. why did you not learn?

what is the point of having muscles if you cannot carry things for others?

she penned a play. i can feel it. don't act the part she's written for you.

why are we not fighting back? night won't fall for hours. we need to use the light that remains.

first, you need to eat. you're irritable and i don't like talking to irritable people.

i can be your ally, or i can be your enemy.

we leave in an hour. come along or stay. it doesn't matter to me.

you must have a guard with you at all times. not because you are incapable, but because you must show your strength. there is strength in numbers.

what, you don't want to pass the time in conversation with me? i'm hurt.

who did this to you?

you're not dead, and you're not going to die. do you hear me? you're going to live. you're going to find whoever did this to you. you're going to make them pay. get up. get to safety.

i'll never let go of what i fought so hard to keep.

stay with me. you don't have to speak. all you have to do is stay awake.

off to get yourself killed again so soon?

i heard you got stabbed. thought i'd come yell at you for allowing it to happen.

some guard you make. you were fast asleep.

i don't know your secrets and so i cannot protect you when others try to ferret them out.

if you didn't need protection, it would be because no one saw you as a threat. needing protection is not a weakness. refusing to trust your allies is.

we're dying out here! while you dine on roast fowl and fresh fruit in a tower that doesn't belong to you.

you are so stupid! you're the only one i have. the only one left! did you even consider that before running into a burning building?

you do not know the weight of the crown. you could never understand.

will it always be chaos for us, [name]? will things never be normal?

if... if i change... if i seem different, remember that i love you. no matter what happens to me. say you'll remember, please—

you seek counsel. i am honor bound to offer it. sit, please. i will speak with you.

no one is safe. have you not yet learned this lesson?

we will see each other again. i swear it.

i'll make my own way. i don't need you.

why do you care so much what happens to me?

there are men back there who were counting on me, and i left them.

mercy, [name]. that is my order. i do not deserve it. i do not even wish it. but you'll give it to me anyway. because you're good.

you dare put those you love before all of humanity? you dare be so selfish?

no need for that. i didn't drag you through a hundred miles of caves so your first act upon waking would be to stab me.

you came for me. you dragged me from the claws of death himself. you have more good in you than you will ever acknowledge.

[cabi-leodrann]

Cabi! Big fan Joffrey here!

I wanted to ask, every time I see your art not only am I stunned by the quality, but also by the sheer uniqueness in style and character design. I've never seen a lamb designed quite like yours, it's so perfectly yours. What went into the inspiration behind the characters design, especially facially? Did you try and mimick a real lamb, or was there a more fantasy-element that you veered toward?

I can't specifically put my finger on it, but it gives me vague Warframe vibes. It's such a beautifully odd design and I can't get enough.

Love your work, love everything you do, can't wait to see what's next!

Hope you're well, stay safe, take care!

First of all, your ask is one of the biggest compliments I ever had in my life, I will keep it forever. You're an absolute chad! Second of all, those are very interesting questions, and I will be very happy to answer to them!

It started more or less with this drawing I made *look at the date* 2 years ago apparently. Way before I even thought of an AU- I didn't had much in mind, beside doing something that looked cool tbh.

I was very happy with the flow of it, and how it came out. And when I drew the Lamb again, I would try to nail THIS design.

The thing is, with time, I had a really big problem: Lamb looked way too young when I thought of them more as an adult. I had too much of the original game design guiding me, making a Lamb that was too cute and childlike for what I wanted. (And also, the head did not go well with the rest of the body holy shi-)

Came those drawings! I was happier with the look, Lamb was older! And I found the colored design quit nice! (I used a sheep picture as reference, but I don't think I used it well, compared to now. I used the reference for details, when I should have gone for overall shape first.) I still wanted something simpler to draw tho. The colored design was nice for an illustration, a one time gig, but I got pretty annoyed pretty fast at trying to nail the face every time. And from those attempt, you get the sketches on the right. (I also wanted to get away from other artiste's interpretation of Lamb, and at the time of those drawing, I didn't felt like I was away enough)

From those previous sketches, the idea for THaB started to emerge. I also still had problem with Lamb's design. Especially the hair. I was inspired by black hair, which is usually not a problem, but I was never happy with how it looked on Lamb specifically. I can draw black hair, I can draw black characters, but this mother-fucker would never feel satisfying to draw or finish 👀

And one day, as THaB was solidifying in my mind, I made a series of sketches that I posted! And one of them was the most important in Lamb's final design. This lil guy! (this design didn't came out of nowhere tho, Lamb was evolving into this as I kept trying. But I wont show those sketches, because those are spoilers =3)

And soon after, I made a comic that was supposed to only be a one shot, just a POV of Lamb and there reaction to Nari' telling them to die for him. But you know, things got out of hand lol

As I continued the comic and doodles on the side, I finally made myself a reference board, with real life images that were close to the vibe of this head drawing. (And I cannot stress enough how those references solidified Lamb's design as a whole. Draw with references, it is life changing. The more reference you get, the more your visual library will get diverse, and the more interesting detail and shape you will add to your art in general.) (I'd also add this: understand what you are drawing, make research and stay curious for every bit of info on everything. You never know when these nuggets of knowledge will help you as you create)

As I kept drawing the Lamb, they evolved! Things changed, slowly, like the shape of the nose, the shape of the eyes, how the hair flowed. You see those change at the face, but also on the body! As the idea of THaB's Lamb got clearer, the design got more specific. (I also got better at drawing! This comic make me draw way more often then before, and it shows)

Something before I finish: the other Cult of the Lamb character's design are way more inspired by their animals, when Lamb is more in the human spectrum. I thought of changing Lamb at some point, to make it fair/coherent, but I loved the design too much to change it again. This AU is something I do for fun, and even if it would have been more logical to change them... I don't want to-

As for the vague Warframe vibes: I play the game! And I found the character design absolutely stunning. So I am definitely influenced by the game without knowing it lol

Thank you very much, again, for your kind words! I also wish you the best, and see you next post =D

TL;DR: Lamb design, at first, wasn't inspired by much, beside the game and my style at the time. But as I retried to make them, added more intent, they got more refined. What really nailed the idea was to have real life references on the side.

[d34dlysinner]

Hellllllllllllo! I'm your friendly neighborhood enthusiastic enthusiasm enthusiast, and I'd like to make a request. The kings on a sugar rush or very hyper/caffeinated. I need this.

(Honestly don't know how to start writing this, just because I think that them being hyper would probably cause way more chaos in hell than they already have)

Satan seemed very hyper one day in Hell, no one knew how since he's pretty tolerant to a lot of things he eats or gets in contact with. But that day his usually sad and resting or happy and upbeat self seemed very energetic. He ditched his motorcycle and just went around on foot. He had a smile on his face most times of that day. When he kicked someone, like he usually does, they flee way further than intented. And when you were resting in a café, having tea with Sitri he'd barge in through the wall without a care to take you away and spend some more time with him.

Mammon being hyper would result in him being heard everywhere. He could be running around and the demons in the golden castle would hear loud "THUMP" noises the entire day. It definitely made Bimet mad for a while since he couldn't focus counting his gold coins for that day. So Bimet went to check it out, with the intention of scolding the person who made that ruckus. When he saw that it was his king he changed his goal to make his king tired so he can count in peace later. Valefor and Eligos would be called in to help him. In the end it all ends up with them all being knocked out because the day was too hectic.

Beel being hyper wasn't any different from how he usually acts. Most probably won't see, but Bael did notice slight changes like him not sitting at all that entire day. He also seemed to be able to run for hours on end without even panting. And at times his speech gets very fast unlike his usually relaxed voice. Bael who's tired from doing his kings work became way more tired after having conversations with his king.

Bael: ... What did you eat Beel?

Beel: Huh? Cake!

Bael: -_-... What was in that cake?

Beel: just some *insert a list of weird ingredients*

Bael: you know what... I don't want to know. I need to do the work you never finish.

Beel would also go all the way to Gehenna to take you away.

Leviathan being hyper was a weird occasion. Weird enough for Hades to call it a curse.The king was constantly annoyed, but that in combination with a lot of energy. Foras could have a question to ask his king and his king would sigh and dismiss him saying that he'd do it himself. Leviathan would do that with any question he got that day. Eventually the demons of Hades were all worried that their king was doing too much. They'd either try to help in secret or they wouldn't ask anymore questions that day in fear of giving him more work.

Foras was too distraught that he couldn't help. He even thought of weird scenarios that could've caused the state his king was in.

Barbatos would notice that Leviathan's usually elegant handwriting was shaky and almost unreadable.

Glasyalabolas would notice the longer rows of demons being hanged, including a little blonde haired demon that would try to escape and yell that he'll take Leviathans essence.

Lucifer being hyper was a special occasion for the demons in Paradise Lost. It doesn't look like he's hyper, but he's definitely speaking way more than he normally does. It was like someone answered the demons calls and just put a speaking curse on Lucifer.

This nice curse eventually became a worry for the demons since they think that something was wrong with Lucifers health. Eventually it turned to fear since there's power behind Lucifers words. And a single command could probably start chaos in Paradise Lost.

Buer: what could've caused this?

Marbas: maybe we should do some tests?

Morax: Tests are unnecessary. We just need to make sure that he doesn't make any commands.

(As an extra: just some hc for the 2 unreleased demon kings)

Belphegor being hyper just means that he's tiring to deal with (said Gusion) at the same time it was refreshing to see the king do all things on his own. But it'll turn into the king confining himself in his room for a longer duration.

Asmodeus being hyper meant that Dantalian had no chance getting to heaven to get beat up since his king would stop him before he even thought of him. This would piss Dantalian off enough to go to Gehenna himself and get you to distract the king.

[rinkkuma]

୨୧ SUPER SHY

ft. sae itoshi

tags. highschool au, a bit of cussing, gn!reader, the word ‘pretty’ is used but i still believe they're gn, all fluff ! / author's note. based on the song, super shy by newjeans!! another no skip album from the newjeans girlies!!! :3 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. proofread, but i'm dumb and notice errors a month after i post something so </3 is he ooc? probably, but i love him so it doesn't matter

“do you even think he even knows my name?” you pout as ask your long time best friend, mai, if she thinks sae itoshi, someone you've developed a tiny crush on, at least knows your name.

you've sat in front of him since the beginning of the school year in your math class, but never mustering up enough courage to talk to him. (you personally think you've “talked” to him when he asked you for a pencil, but mai thinks otherwise, “it only counts when you actually have a full on conversation with him.” she tells you.)

“hmm, typically i'd say yes because of how long we've been in school, but you haven't even talked to him. ever. so, no.” mai smirks, she's sure he knows your name because of attendance being taken verbally daily, but decides to tease you so you finally decide to talk to him.

“you know for a best friend, you're really great at reassuring me.” you sarcastically say as your dramatically lean back into your chair.

mai was actually great at comforting and reassuring people, but at this moment in time, she seems very annoyed that you haven't made any moves on sae and seems to be pushing you to more and more to everyday.

mai laughs before confidently saying, “i know!” with a flip to her hair.

you have no idea if you're dreaming or not.

did you really just get paired up with the sae itoshi for the upcoming partner quiz?

did the gods finally answer your prayers every time there was a partner quiz to get paired up with him?

honestly, you could care less the reason. but you swear this is a dream and your heart started racing so fucking fast the moment your teacher said your's and sae's name in one sentence.

you swear you're about to pass out when sae gives you a small nod as he moves to the seat next to you so it's easier for the two of you to work together. wait—did he just give you a small smile too?

fuck him for being so pretty and smelling so good. it is so hard to concentrate on your review for the quiz while sitting next to him. you hope he doesn't see your side glances every few seconds and how your face is ever so slightly burning up.

“hey, you okay? you've barely done any problems..” sae suddenly says, breaking the awkward silence as he looks at your paper.

“yeah!” you nearly jump at his words and immediately sit up, composing yourself as best as you can before turning your attention to your practically blank paper.

sae chuckles before placing his paper on your desk for you to copy his work. who knew the genius (on the field and academically) would let someone copy his work?

“you're a mess,” he laughs, how dare he laugh at you and how dare he point out how flustered you were. “but you're cute, y/n.”

you swear you stop functioning.

sae has been on your mind all the time after getting paired up with him. he even starts talking to you in class even after he's not required to. he's a little bolder than he gives off to be. maybe you're being delusional, but is he ever so slightly flirting with you?

but, nonetheless sae is actually a sweetheart and even starts hangs out with you at lunch, (and buys you lunch if you ever forget yours!) and walks you home from school.

“hey.” sae muttered as he plopped down next to you at the lunch table.

“hi.” you say, as you swallow a bite of your food. the food was actually his from home, but he insisted on giving you his and it would be fine and that he could just buy something from the cafeteria.

coincidentally, the cafeteria was selling something you didn't particularly enjoy, so you were grateful sae gave you his. but, still denying it at first about how you didn't want to take his because of how frequently he buys you lunch.

weird, you swear you're luck has increased like crazy ever since you started hanging out with sae, getting higher scores on tests, (he's been studying with you when you're having trouble on a unit) and getting things you've been talking about wanting for a while out of the blue. (he's the person you've been ranting about wanting these things and he secretly places them in your locker the next day)

hey, maybe he was a lucky charm. and he was stupidity handsome too. and he had the sweetest personality ever, and—

you feel that you only fall for him more everyday. you were so fucking shy around him at first, but now you feel comfortable around him, hell even at the level of comfortable-ness you feel with mai.

sae itoshi was odd, but he was special.

it's been a while since you became friends with sae. summer was nearing and your relationship friendship is at an all time high.

one day though, sae asks you to meet up with him at a nearby park; a park that you enjoyed visiting while on walks, the flowers still somehow just as beautiful as when they first bloomed even as the heat reels in.

you throw on a cute outfit before heading out to meet sae. it wasn't strange that sae brought you to breathtakingly beautiful spots, but this one felt particularly special.

“hey.” sae greets in his stupidity smooth voice. he looks as handsome as ever, except his hair a little different which makes him look all the more handsome.

he's sitting on a bench under a flower tree that has lost a majority of its petals, somehow it still looks beautiful.

“hi.” you wave and smile before taking a seat next to him under the tree.

“so, why'd you bring me here today?” you know why, simply just sitting and talking was sae's favorite way to spend time with you, but something inside you urges you to ask.

“just the normal, i guess.” he shrugs, before ushering you to start talking about whatever was on your mind.

whenever it was gossip, something that has been bothering you, or a new show you started watching, sae loved listening to you talk. he looked at you with the most intense expression ever while you blabbed on about whatever, carefully listening to every word that comes out of your pretty mouth.

he isn't even listening anymore. something about you today that just.. makes him stop listening. you looked so fucking pretty today. don't get the wrong idea—he thought you looked pretty everyday, but something about you today that pushes him to finally say the words he's been dying to tell you for a while now.

“earth to sae—hey! are you even listening?” you call out to him, your voice snapping him out of the trance.

how long was he not responding to you? oh god, it seems like a quite a bit since you were touching his shoulder.

oh. you were touching his shoulder.

sae takes a deep breath before calming himself and averting his gaze back to you.

“be mine, idiot.” sae blurts. okay, he didn't mean to say idiot, but he knows you don't take it seriously, so he stares at you with his stupid pretty eyes, waiting for your response.

you are suddenly taken back to the emotions you felt when you first finally talked to sae—a flustered mess, shy as hell.

if anyone passed by they would've guessed you two were having a staring contest because of how long you were staring at each other in silence, either of you not seeming to blink.

you two stay in silence before you finally talk after what seemed like a century.

“what?” is all you manage to breathe out. not an ideal response, but hey, you need to absolutely be 100% you heard him right.

sae huffs before speaking again.

“you heard me. be mine. i'm tired of you not being mine.”

you feel so warm inside and you swear you're gonna pass out.

before you can say anything, sae gently pulls you close to him and kisses you. and holy shit, his lips are so so soft.

you can't help but melt into his kiss and touch, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in a little closer.

he pulls away smirking.

“guess that's a yes?” he knows the affect he has on you and you hate it.

“no.” you jokingly roll your eyes, knowing sae knows you don't mean it at all. your shyness—whenever it had been around him or someone else, sae had always thought it was so cute.

“you wish.” he chuckles, before pulling you into his chest.

your shyness wouldn't drive sae away. never in a million years.

[fuctacles]

The last chapter is here! With the 2nd art piece from @penny00dreadful I'm so glad I could work with her for the @steddiebang2024 <3 It was a wild ride but it's finally done!

Steve opens the bathroom door, releasing the steam from his shower so he doesn't slow cook himself while finishing his evening routine. 

"Would you mind if I changed up the bathroom? The dark colors aren't doing this for me!" he calls out with half a smirk while fishing out his toothbrush.

"Yes, I would mind!" Eddie answers him loudly through the distorted voice from the walkie. Steve only smiles to himself and starts brushing his teeth. 

He doesn't realize he has company until something appears in the fogged corner of his mirror. Eddie draws him a frowning face, making Steve raise his eyebrows. 

"I'm not actually going to change your bathroom, calm down."

There is clearly not enough room for Eddie to express himself, so he only adds an exclamation mark. Steve walks over to the bathroom door. 

"What is it?" he asks, mildly annoyed.

"I've finished my book," Eddie complains through the walkie placed on the bed. 

On Steve's spare pillow lies another Pratchett book he managed to hunt down. It's indeed flipped to its last page. 

"Already?! You just started it!"

"I started it two hours ago," Eddie corrects him.

"Still! If you keep reading this fast there won't be enough books in the store!"

"There are other stores. Will you please bring me another one?"

Steve crosses his arms.

"Or you could go to sleep." He points out, raising an eyebrow. 

"Pleeease Steve. Only one chapter. I'll be good."

Steve sighs. He's heard these 'one chapter' lies for almost half of his life. 

"Fine. But don't come complaining when you run out of things to read."

"I won't! Promise."

He acts grumpy but is more than happy to bring Eddie his books. Hearing his excitement when Steve brought them was reward enough. Now he grabs the rest of the books from the pile and brings them back to spread them on the bed. 

"Pick your poison, Munson."

Eddie hums through the walkie-talkie. 

"The Gaiman one looks good."

"Okay." Steve swaps his previous book with the new one. He can almost imagine a man lying next to him on his stomach, flipping it open. 

"Thanks, man."

"Don't mention it." Steve gets up to switch off the light. "This okay?" he asks, trying to gauge if the bedside lamp's light is enough to read by. 

"Yeah, it's alright."

He walks back to bed to tuck himself in for the night even though he knows he won't fall asleep anytime soon. It's too new, being able to hear Eddie by his side and see the evidence of his presence in the flipping pages. 

"Is it fun?" he asks, unable to stop himself. 

"It seems promising. I could read it for you?" Eddie offers. 

"Oh. No, it's alright." He wants to but doesn't want to ruin Eddie's experience. He's been so excited to get his hands on the new books. 

"It's no problem, really. I'd love to use my new voice privileges."

Steve chuckles at that. 

"Well then, by all means."

Eddie doesn't hesitate and even through the radio static, manages to pull Steve into the story. It shouldn't be surprising that he likes storytelling and showmanship, adding unique voices to all the characters. It's a shame that Steve falls asleep before the end of the chapter. 

Eddie's hair is splayed over the pillow like a dark cobweb. He's shaking, little tremors running through his body, and his mouth is open in a perfect o-shape. Steve feels the need to spit right into it and he doesn't hesitate long to indulge that thought. The loud moan he gets in response is all the reward he needs.

"Thank you, holy shit, thank you," Eddie mumbles after swallowing the spit given to him. The blissed-out look on his face fills Steve with pride. He did it. He reversed the local heartthrob into a babbling mess. 

read full on Ao3

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems

Part 6

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: a lot of angst, tension between neteyam and reader, heartbroken neteyam, sexual tension, heartbroken reader, insecure neteyam, jealous reader, neteyam just won't leave reader's head, hurt/comfort (?), TRIGGER WARNING for some sensitive themes like reader showing signs of low self steem and not thinking she's worth it, friend group dynamic among reader, adeline and kate, kiri being sweet, reader misses neteyam and regrets dumping him, reader thinks she's protecting neteyam from hurt by staying away from him, spider makes an appearance, kiri being protective over neteyam's feelings, reader tells kiri she likes neteyam. Tell me if there's more, pls.

Here I come, finally updating this incredibly angsty fanfiction :') I hope y'all enjoy this. Writing this fic breaks my heart, guys… it feels raw, honestly. Maybe I'm just speaking like this bc I'm on my period + I'm listening to a sad Taylor Swift song but omg my heart aches rn

Not proofread. I'm sorry, babies, I'm dead rn. So freaking sleepy and finishing this at 5 am bc my mind just wouldn't let me sleep and kept forcing me to think about and write this chapter.

Part 5: The sand hurts my feelings

𓇼

It hits different 'cause it's you

I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost

Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw

Freedom felt like summer then on the coast

Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

And I never don't cry at the bar

Yeah, my sadness is contagious

Hits Different (Taylor Swift)

𓇼

"Hey." Neteyam greeted you in a dry tone. He found it hard to look into your eyes so he just gazed rapidly into them and then kept his eyes on the ground.

His heart was broken, aching and his pride was shattered. Neteyam hated to see everybody around him looking at him with pity in their faces, knowing that he had been dumped by the girl he loved. He wondered if the boys - Lo'ak, Rotxo and Ao'nung - looked down on him now. Neteyam suddenly felt like he was not a good hypothetical mate. He had always thought he would make a good, reliable and loving mate to the girl he would one day choose to be his but you made him start doubting that after last night. He knew it was probably stupid but still he couldn't seem to get rid of those feelings.

You tried to hide your uneasiness but it was written all over your face.

"Hi." You answered Neteyam, your heart pounding in your chest, anxiety leaving your hands cold.

The pain you were causing Neteyam could be easily seen in the way his jaw clenched, in the way he weirdly looked insecure instead of confident as he always seemed to be. You wanted to say "I'm sorry", you wanted to say "Maybe I did the wrong thing when I refused to become your mate" but you had seen him with Munì. It was useless now, anyway.

Lo'ak looked at Neteyam, then back at you and then he would redo the whole thing all over again, like he was waiting for the both of you to exchange more words. Poor thing. He seemed even more tense than Neteyam and you.

"Rotxo, Ao'nung" Neteyam rapidly called, looking now at the Metkayina boys "Tonowari is waiting for us. Clan business." His voice was serious and seemed slightly annoyed, his face stern 

You wondered if Neteyam said "clan business" instead of giving more detail because you were sitting there too and he was mad at you. Well, you didn't blame him if that's how he felt. You deserved it. You could have been nicer to him this morning.

"Let's go!" Lo'ak spoke loudly, like he was trying to get out of that awkward situation as fast as he could

"Chill out, forest boy. We're going." Ao'nung teased and Rotxo laughed 

"I'm Metkayina now, fish lips. Stop calling me that." Lo'ak responded 

Frenemies indeed.

The boys left and your gaze was fixed on Neteyam's back as he walked away next to the other Metkayina. As you looked down at the beach floor, you wished that ache inside you would just vanish but life doesn't work that way.

When you looked up, you saw Tsireya's and Kiri's big feline eyes fixed on your face. It scared the crap out of you. They seemed even wider now.

"What?!" You sounded legitimately startled

"Neteyam told me and Lo'ak he was gonna ask you to be his mate at the party." Kiri stated

"And how the hell did every person in this tribe find out about that? Did he tell them too?" You didn't mean to sound rude but you really were overwhelmed by the situation

"It's just me, my brother and Rotxo. Only we know, other than Kiri and Lo'ak. My stupid brother overheard Kiri asking Neteyam how it had went, what answer you had given to Neteyam and he told Rotxo. I saw them laughing like idiots and asked what was so funny. That's when Ao'nung told me." Tsireya said, like she was sorry about the fact that so many people knew about yours and Neteyam's intimate business

𓇼

The day after that, you and the girls went back to Hell's Gate. You decided it was better to leave things the way they were. To let Neteyam have a nice, healthy and proper relationship with someone of his own kind. Like your father always used to say, na'vi and humans will never be equal. But he meant it in a derogatory way, with prejudice against the na'vi in his words while you meant something totally different. It was just natural that na'vi would marry other na'vi, not a human. The differences between both cultures did not just speak loud, they actually shouted like a mad person. You knew you could never get accustomed to being a na'vi male's mate. Not even if that male was Neteyam and just thinking about leaving him behind, thinking that you felt absolutely nothing for him, made you feel a burning, painful sensation in your heart. And of course Neteyam would be better off with an emotionally stable mate. Munì seemed perfect for him. 

You totally did not feel anger boiling inside your guts anytime you thought about her stupid smiles and giggles back when she was talking to him at the beach. She would make him happy and you were totally happy for them. The next step for you would be actually believing the words you just thought.

𓇼

One month and a few days had passed. You felt grateful that you had been able to dodge all the demands to go conduct scientific researches on the Metkayina tribe that you had received until now, asking to exchange positions with colleagues and staying in the lab, doing paperwork instead. You were doing everything in your power to avoid Neteyam. But you could never seem to be able to avoid the pain that washed over your body and the tears that wanted to come out - but never actually did because you were always strong enough to hold them back - whenever a sad love song started playing in your earbuds or in one of your friend's phones. It seemed like every fucking dumb love song reminded you of him.

After Kiri sent you a message almost begging you to go visit her, making you feel guilty and saying that she missed you a lot and now that she had her own marui, you just had to go to the reef and see it, you couldn't say "no". She was being too adorable and you missed her too. You asked Kiri if Kate and Adeline could come along and she excitedly agreed, so, the three of you used your next couple of days off to travel to the Metkayina beach again. It was a blessing that Neteyam had traveled to the Omatikaya tribe to see his grandmother Mo'at and was gonna be gone for a while, as Kiri had guaranteed you.

Kiri always had a very human side to her, just like Lo'ak. Neteyam didn't even seem like he was half human at times. He was extremely proud to be na'vi and wore his indigenous culture with honor all over himself. You could never see Neteyam asking to have his own place. He was too attached to his family - and you thought that was extremely cute. It wasn't traditional amongst the na'vi for an unmated young girl to leave her family's marui like that but Kiri was clever and she found a way to get what she wanted out of her parents.

𓇼

Adeline, Kate and you woke up as early as the Pandoran skies got clear and dragged your sleepy and tired asses to the Metkayina tribe. Being a scientist would never not leave a person overworked and exhausted. Like most mornings, you had drank way too much caffeine already for such an early hour in the day.

"Girl, how do you always look so beautiful? I could never." You pointed out as you watched Adeline make two thin braids to frame her round, delicate face and put her black curly hair in a voluminous bun on the top of her head, while the both of you were inside the science team's helicopter, heading to the Metkayina reef.

You had always found Adeline extremely pretty with her dark skin, voluptuous figure and feminine style. She always made sure to look cute.

"I don't know. I guess I'm God's favorite." She joked around and the both of you started to laugh

Adeline was also funny. She could put a smile in your face anytime, even when you were sad. You considered her a sister from another mother.

"You guys are stupid." Kate teased as she was laughing too and holding an energy drink filled with caffeine in her pale hand. She'd drink those often to help wake her up.

Kate's long, blonde, wavy hair fell gracefully over her chest. Her eyes were blue and she was tall and had an athletic but slim body. Damn, you only had breathtaking friends.

𓇼

Kate and Adeline had decided to take a nap after lunch in Kiri's marui and they asked if you would come too but you refused as you were far too restless to be able to sleep. That beach brought back too many memories…

So, now you found yourself sitting in the sand, watching the ocean waves break as they hit the shore with Kiri by your side. She had managed to make you say the truth about why you seemed so troubled.

"Yeah, (y/n), you fucked up big time." Kiri stated with that aura of wisdom beyond her years that only herself knew how to effortlessly exude.

You wanted to dig a hole in the sand under your feet and jump inside of it, hiding and never coming back up again. Of course you'd fuck it up with Neteyam. You had a cursed tendency to self sabotage. You did not know if being so freaking aware of it made you better or if it actually made you worse.

"Are you mad at me?" You ask nervously with furrowed eyebrows 

"(y/n)! It's not my feelings that you should be worried about! It's not my heart that you broke." Kiri scolded you as she looked at you with those big feline yellow eyes like she was actually horrified. You felt so bad for thinking it was kind of funny. "I know you don't wanna be Neteyam's mate but do you not care about him at all? Not even a little bit? He hasn't been the same ever since you dumped him and left. Poor thing can barely go train with dad. I think I saw him sniffing while hiding one of these days. Eywa knows that prideful teylu" (edible Pandoran bug) "would never cry in front of us."

"I swear I didn't mean to be cruel. I just did not know… how to react. It was sudden, you know? It's like, I don't know… a cultural shock? Humans don't go around asking people they just met to marry them. Or… become their mates." It would never feel normal to say "mates" to you

Apparently you had acted just like Kat Stratford in 10 Things I Hate About You, when she would cold heartedly refuse Patrick Verona over and over again. You used to always watch that vintage movie with Tracy. It was one of her favorites. 

"Don't act like it was the first time you two had met. Neteyam stared at you all the time when you came to our tribe. I swear to Eywa I've never seen him nervous to talk to a girl before but you have a power over my brother… it's fucking crazy to watch actually. He's like a needy, dumb dog drooling over you when he looks at you. It's even freaky." Kiri couldn't hold it back so she burst into laughter, hiding her mouth with her big but delicate hand

You were nervous as fuck but you started to laugh too. It seemed like the nervousness and guilt and tense vibe of the situation only made it worse, making everything even more funny and absurd.

"You know the worst part of it all?" You looked at her like a child who just broke their mom's most precious vase

"Great Mother, don't tell me there's more." Kiri said, incredulous

"I think I like Neteyam." You confessed like you were a good catholic girl confessing her sins to a priest

"You like him?!" She almost screamed

"You don't need to declare it out loud for the whole reef to hear!" You got slightly mad

"You teylu!" She smirked as she moved her head from side to side in disapproval "Why the hell did you dump him then?"

"I don't know, Kiri. Don't judge me, okay?" You put both your hands over your face, hiding it and moving your head from side to side yourself this time. 

At least you knew your attitude had been controversial and confusing to say the least. They say the first steps to recovery are realizing and admitting you're insane.

𓇼

It was now eclipse. You were inside Kiri's home with her and your human friends. Kate and Adeline were finishing unpacking their bags.

"Guys, I'm going out for some fresh air, okay?" You said, trying to find an excuse to get out of that marui filled with girls - human and na'vi.

"You've been acting weird lately." Adeline pointed out "Spending too much time alone."

Kiri discreetly looked at you with a look of concern in her face, as she was the only one of the girls who knew the reason behind your strange demeanor.

"I just need some air. I'll be back soon." You spoke as you walked towards the door of the marui

"Don't go in the ocean! It could be dangerous!" Kate yelled. She was the "mom friend" of the group.

"I know!" You laughed "I'm not stupid. I'm a scientist too. But thanks for your concern."

You walked through the beach for a while, trying to take a certain tall, handsome blue alien out of your mind when you saw Spider walking in the area too. He waved at you and you waved back.

You weren't as close to Spider as you were to Kiri and Lo'ak but you did love his company.

You sat on the sand with him, looking at the ocean, just like you had done with Kiri earlier and you two started to catch up and eventually the talk got deeper, more philosophical.

"Don't you feel crazy, Spider? Living among beings of another species? Don't you feel… left out?" Your eyes looked at him with genuine doubt in them

"I do, sometimes." He sighs "Especially because of how Mrs Sully acts towards me, at times" the both of you laughed quickly "But this place is my home. I was born in Pandora, I know nowhere else that I could call home. And also, I grew up around Lo'ak, Kiri, Neteyam and Tuk. They're family to me, even if not related by blood. It doesn't really matter in the end, family are the ones who are there for you. Not your bloodline." 

"Oh my God, I totally agree!" You rapidly say in a slight loud tone, chuckling, like you wanted to emphasize how much you shared the same opinion with him

"So..." You pondered if you should tell him or not "Neteyam talked to me last-"

"Yeah, I know. Ao'nung told me." Spider interrupted

"Of course he did..." You rolled your eyes and sighed. So everybody knew already...

Spider chuckled softly.

"Anyways, Neteyam calls me tawtute. I think it's funny that he calls me "human", but in na'vi"

"Yeah, that's him being affectionate towards you. He likes you. A lot." Spider pointed out

You stoped smiling and your heart started feeling painful.

"He probably hates me now, actually. I totally blew it off. I was really insensitive towards him." Shame and regret covered your face, as you were crestfallen

"Have you ever thought about apologizing?"

"Yeah, of course I have. Many times. I just…" You hesitated "I guess I can't face him now."

"Oh, c'mon. I know you can do it. Isn't it worse to be feeling guilty and sad and let Neteyam think you don't feel sorry for hurting him?"

"You have a point, Spider. God, I hate it when you're right." You laughed and slapped his arm softly, in a playful manner

𓇼

Adeline and Kate slept peacefully next to you, each one of them in a different mat - but the three mats had been placed next to the other. You, on the other hand, hadn't been able to sleep well in almost two months. Kiri told you and the girls she was gonna stay up and she now was, at the corner of the marui, making herself a new beaded necklace in the light of a tiny fire she had lit up.

As you laid quietly in your mat with your eyes closed but wide awake, you heard footsteps inside the marui. You could not believe it when you opened your eyes and you saw it was Neteyam. His tall, slender figure and head full of thin braids that danced in the air as he moved made you recognize him immediately, even in the dark of the eclipse.

Damn! Wasn't he supposed to be in the Omatikaya tribe right now? And what the hell was he even doing here instead of going to his parents' marui?

𓇼

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@creepytoes88

@live-laugh-neteyam

@swaggygurlbae

@neteluvr

@layla2-49

@a-blog-name-2003

@lala-1516

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen

@yeosxxx

@iaratezaewa

[ragnarokhound]

hey i saw ur tag on the executive dysfunction post where u said ur meds allow u to punch a hole in the wall and access the internal well of motivation or some such. can i ask how that works as in can you just do things after that?? you like have a task you gotta do and you up and do it? sorry to break into ur askbox like this i was just very curious because my executives do not function

Hi! Sure, I don't mind :)

Short answer: yes. :') I take my meds in the morning, and over the course of the day, it is much easier for me to add tasks to my mental list and then knock them down like the most dutiful Sim in the world. I forget to do things sometimes still - but those are usually due to other barriers like 'I would like to schedule this appointment, but I'm at work right now so I can't do that yet.' and then hours later I will have forgotten that I needed to do that. WHOOPSIES. Not necessarily an ADHD problem, just an average human one.

Also, the meds make it easier to access the well. That doesn't mean I always CHOOSE to use the well, haha. Sometimes I am just sooo comfy in bed and think 'i should get up. But I bet I could get away with another 25 minutes of dozing UwU' and then after my alarm goes off because my 25 minutes are up, I'm cursing my past self for being a hedonistic sloth because I really do have to get up now or I'll be late. I CAN choose correctly. That doesn't mean I do.

Long answer getting into the nitty gritty of my ADHD med journey below the cut:

So just remember that I'm not a doctor, I'm a stranger on the internet, so I don't know quite how it works, and not all medication will work the same for everyone. Executive function is huge for folks with ADHD, but it might be something else! ADHD often shakes hands with other conditions.

BUT - in my experience, I was diagnosed with combined ADHD (both the hyperactive bouncy kind and the laser focus, sit still for 12 hours doing one thing kind). A lot of my own executive function problems stemmed from not being able to choose what I hyper focused on, for how long, or if I even could. :')

There's a few different medications available to choose from once you get a diagnosis, including a fast-acting stimulant and a slow-release stimulant. The one that helps me is a slow-release - I take it in the morning, and it'll start to kick in after an hour and gives me a steady stream over the course of the day, wearing off about 8 hours later.

People with ADHD don't make as much dopamine on their own, and stimulants help your brain produce more of it. If you find yourself feeling calm and more able to focus or task-switch after drinking coffee, or soda, or other uppers, you might be self-medicating, and a diagnosis and meds may be helpful (but definitely talk that out with a doctor).

It took a while for my "storage" of dopamine to build up, and it wasn't pretty the whole journey there. There were multiple days in a row that I had to force myself to eat because the meds suppress appetite, so it was easy to skip meals I shouldn't have. (I embraced snacking over the whole day as a solution until my humors were balanced and I'd built up the habit of prepping a lunch hours beforehand lol)

But the benefits were immediate. Some things are normal, and habits are something every human has to figure out how to build regardless of whether you make enough dopamine - but I was immediately calmer. I would think 'i need to take out the garbage. I will do that now' and I would, in fact, take out the garbage? I'd just get up? And do it??? It was that easy. I find it much easier to stop in the middle of what I'm doing without getting annoyed, and to task switch without it completely breaking my flow. I'm CAPABLE of task switching at all. It's easier to remember that mug I left in the microwave. I can sit or work in silence and it's fine, I don't need music to be playing in the background to focus.

I still have to convince myself sometimes to do things when my executives don't want to function - a big coping skill I like is giving myself a crossroads moment. If I'm reading, the crossroads moment is at the end of a chapter, or a scene break. If I'm playing a game the crossroads moment is when I lost or won a round, or when I completed the task I was in the middle of, or reached a safe area.

At a crossroads moment, you can either choose to keep doing whatever you're doing, or do something else. It's why being on Tumblr and other social media is difficult to get away from, because there is no natural stopping point if you haven't turned off infinite scrolling. If that's hard for you, see if you can change your dash settings to only load a page/set number of posts at a time. You'll get a crossroads moment every time you reach the bottom of that page.

This is all my own experience with ADHD and stimulants, so again, I encourage you to think about whether this sounds like you and bring it up to a doctor if it's having a really big impact on your life.

I hope this helps! I also suggest this video from Jaiden Animations - she talks about her own experience getting an ADHD diagnosis, and funnily enough, this video dropped within the same week as I got mine, haha.

[flimflamfandom]

The Love song of Rocky Rickaby

A Vignette, wherein Rocky meets a girl. (Specifically Ari from @ladybugkisses )

WARNING for corny poetry and slightly sad Rocky.

-

"Calvin? Caaaaaaaalviiiiiin? Freckle? Cal? Freck? Mr. McMurray? Sideburns McBigEye-" Rocky's incessant knocking on the door of the apartment was answered by a slightly annoyed looking Calvin.

"Aye?"

"Calvin!" Rocky gripped his shoudlers. "I need your help - I met a girl!"

Calvin rolled his eyes. Third one this month, he thought.

"...What do you want Me for, then?" Calvin asked.

Rocky let himself into Calvin's new apartment. "You're a fanciful writer type, right, Calvin?"

"Well, I mean, I've...written before, but-"

"Perfect!" Rocky sat down by the typewriter and looked over. "I need your help writing to her."

"...this is rich," Calvin rolled his eyes, walking over. "You're the one who makes poems, aren't you?"

"Oh, sure, sure, but those are about...places, and things! But you...I've seen your letters to Ivy!"

"You've WHA-"

"And I know you're an incredibly romantic man! Please, Calvin, this time it's different, I know I need to woo her with romance instead of my usual rogueish charms! Pleas, I BEG OF YO-"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine." Calvin sat down at the typewriter. Rocky was a bit...fast and loose with women. Never a creep, never unclear about his intentions, but always a one night sort of man - Calvin figured this would be no different.

"Oh, thank you! How will I ever repay you?"

"Don't...don't worry about it." Calvin quickly hid some papers on his desk. "So, this girl...what's she like?"

"...uhm..." Rocky blinked. He sat down for a moment. "I...well, she...uhm..."

Calvin blinked a few times. "...go on?"

"...she's...a lady...and...has...fur?"

Calvin stared for a moment. "You're sure you met her? Because it doesn't sound that way."

"I know, I know, I just...she's hard to describe! You can't always have words for Ivy, can you?"

"I could tell you what color her fur is."

"Oh, good, Zib and I have a disagreement about this, is it gray or-"

"Rocky. The love...letter? Poem? Song?"

"Poem! That I can turn into a song~!" Rocky winked and nudged his brother, then went back to looking a bit...afraid of something. He sighed. Calvin cocked his head to one side.

"Rocky...you need to help me here if I'm going to write something." Calvin stood, and walked towards the kitchen. He started to get some tea going, and looked over. "Now, tell me the very basics."

"Red fur." Rocky said. "Sort of. And these big eyes, I...I couldn't guess the color. And she had such a cute dress, and-" He blinked. "I...well. I, uh...I'm sure you get the idea. right?"

"Tell me about how she is." Calvin came back, waiting for the kettle to whistle. He sat by the typewriter, and began to take notes.

"...how?"

"Aye, how. Who. What. She's not just fur and eyes, is she?"

"No, no, of course not!" Rocky said. "She was...kind. And nice. And she was...well when she looked at me, she smiled. I nearly ran her over coming out of the café, and we didn't see each other long, but-" Rocky cleared his throat. "...is this...enough to go off of?"

"...Rocky, I think you might be more intimidated by her than in love."

"What? You're crazy! Bonkers! Wacko! Insane! I'd never be scared of someone so....so..." Rocky fought for a word, but didn't find it. Calvin nodded.

"You're clearly at least a little nervous about this. That's normal! A lot's on the line, and all." Calvin said.

"Oh, I know, but...this is just a girl. Really, all it is! And while I'm, infatuated now, and in need of your expertise, I'm sure it'll wear off eventually, as is so oft the case in this modern age!" Rocky winked, with a sense of denial that was painfully obvious to Calvin.

Calvin merely rolled his eyes.

"Rocky, if you're just attracted to her, then go ahead and ask her yerself, you don't need a love poem for this sort of thing, let alone a song."

"You're right." Rocky said. "I mean, so what if she was pretty? There's pretty girls! All over the place! Sure, I mean, none has ever made me...want to settle in, but-"

There was a pause.

"I mena really, what was I thinking? A love letter? Why, all i need to do here is find a good night with her! I would LOATHE the idea of...of waking up to her in the morning, and-" Rocky's ears drooped, "and...nestling into her as she slept." Rocky sighed. "I've never, EVER felt any affection like that - why start now? Why now turn from my lustful ways to wanting to hold her in my arms as she looks into my eyes, and...and to see, to really see what she's thinking?" His tail drooped. "And honestly, I doubt there's any woman on the face of the EARTH who could make me want to keep her safe...to kill for her, to die for her, but also to live for her, and to see things and learn things and love things I've never...loved before...oh, god, Calvin, I-" Rocky tearfully looked over to Calvin, who was hastily scribbling things down. Rocky spoke, through a choked voice.

"I'm...I've never been in love...that must be why I couldn't think of anything to..."

Calvin looked up, and smiled. "It hits you late, aye?"

"Sure, sure...did...did you get anything from that?"

"...I caught a bit." Calvin handed him something. "You can make changes if you'd like."

"...Aces."

-

It was late at night, in an apartment building in St. Louis. And a girl heard something against her window. It sounded like a pebble...annoyed, she looked out, and saw-

"...Rocky, right?" She asked. The two had talked a while, outside the café. She remembered his name. His colossal eyes, his soft smile...

He was just standing there. He cleared his throat, and took out a piece of paper. He'd foregone the song bit...but what is a poem but a song?

"...as..." Rocky cleared his throat, "As a shearwater over the sea, I too have been to many shores...but as the noble bird does, so to have I chosen one to rest on evermore."

He was different than he normally was - shaky, and nervous. He'd never tried to be this...sincere before, about ANYthing.

"Indeed, as astronomers plot the stars, my gaze has laid on many lights, but-" He sputtered, "but...as if transfixed by a celestial glow, only one star remains in my...ehm...mind? No, that doesn't rhyme, I-"

"Sights."

"Sights?" Rocky looked up at the girl. She was smiling.

"You meant to say sights. Rhymes with lights?"

Rocky smiled, too. He looked up, and perked his ears, throwing the page away. "I cannot tell a lie to you, I've had my share of loving guests, but none so lovely as you, who makes me want to build a-"

"Nest?"

"Is it that predictable?" Rocky knew he shouldn't have asked Calvin - good a writer as he was, he was no poet - but the girl let out a chuckle.

"It's a sentiment a girl hears a lot, you know." She said, which caused Rocky's ears to droop, and his tail to flatten.

"But...I mean it, I promise I do, I-"

"I know." She said.

"...you do?" Rocky held his hat nervously in his hands. The girl nodded.

"If someone is coming by to read odes to me at night, they aren't doing it because they want a quick date...or because they're afraid to be embarrassed." Rocky did feel a few extra eyes on him...including one particularly angry eye.

How was HE supposed to know she lived right next to Viktor!?

"I...I ought to come up there, then? Just so I, ehm...don't anger the neighbors." Rocky, for the first time in a long time,w as genuinely nervous - worried about his odds, and contemplating what he might do if he lost.

The girl spoke.

"Come in...but no funny business."

"Of course!" Rocky rushed up the fire escape.

He smiled all the way up.

[haileyyey]

She was there, always for him.

A Michael Kaiser x fem! reader.

TW: mention of blood and bruises, the reader taking care of Kaiser, Michael is called mihya by the reader, swearing but not a lot of mentions of a medical emergency kit, and Kaiser's past mentioned, kaiser gets annoyed by anything somehow.

Genre: a teeny weeny bit of angst, and tooth-rotting fluff.

FYI; kaiser and Reader are both 16!! 

She was there, waiting for his arrival, but it seemed that he is an hour late. She started worrying, calling his phone, texting him, calling his friends to ask about his where about, since kaiser tends to escape a lot, just to hang out with them. But that was not the case today, nobody answered. Y/n was becoming anxious with every minute that passed, until there was a knock on the door.

It took her 4 fast steps to get there, as quickly as she could. She opened the door with a fast motion just to see his figure, covered in blood and bruises. It was like her heart sank to the floor. "M-Mihya.." She stuttered, she couldn't stand seeing him covered in blood, it seemed that he got in a fight, but she was not sure. "It isn't that bad, y/n," he said, it is bad is, what he was feeling. But she just knew it wasn't the case, his white shirt covered up in stains of red, ripped up from certain parts, his trembling body, his hurt eyes it is just painful for her to view him like this.

She then started tearing up, which made the taller guy in front her get worried. "y/n, what is wrong?" He simply asked as he put his trembling hands on her shoulders, "why do you do this to me- why do you hurt yourself every time?" She sobbed in between what she said, Kaiser looked at her with widened eyes, she cared about him a lot, she was the only one looking out for him, she was the only one that would heal him, she was the only one who pitied him when he was alone in the streets, without nobody to help him or save him from this cold and cruel world, there was only her. He just seemed to realize that. He felt truthfully touched, but now wasn't the time, he had to react quickly, he couldn't just comfort her with putting his hands on her shoulders and spitting out some words that would help, he needed to comfort her physically.

'Think Michael, think!' He hated himself about the moment, for being so dense, and not being able to try and cure the Brocken person in front of him which was very dear to him, until it popped to his mind.

While she was a crying mess, she felt a hand snake around her waist and grab her tightly into a hug, she stopped for while, and she looked up to see his face, his bruised figure, "it is going to be okay, y/n." she had never heard comforting words from him, being so sincere and genuine, and that made her heart shatter into pieces. She cried in his chest and wrapped her hands around his waist, letting it all out while he put his chin on the crown of her head, rubbing circular motions on her back.

...

...

...

"Michael, can you please explain why you got in a fight?" She said while grabbing the medical emergency kit in the bathroom and placing it in the sink.

"I'd rather not say..." he took off his shirt, just for it to expose more bruises and scratches. That looked very painful, but it's the one and only Michael kaiser. 

"Oh come on, please?" She took the alcohol and put it on a coton so she could help him get cured faster, as she bent down to cup his face, which made him scrunch his nose a bit. "Fine... just don't grab my face like that it hurts." He hissed but then the girl gasped as she forgot that he wasn't hurt. She let out a little hooray beforehand getting back to what she was doing.

He mumbled something, inaudible which made you let out a confused hum, "What did you say?" She turned around just to see him sulking while hiding his face, but from his ears, it was obvious that he was blushing, she couldn't help but smile.

"I was trying to stop these assholes from talking shit about you!" he shouted which startled y/n. He noticed how she got scared that second and apologized to her, but the fact she couldn't help but smile right now was bothering him. "y/n. why are you smiling." he asked in an annoyed tone, "you were trying to protect me! How could I not be happy?" your lips curved into an even bigger smile which made him look at you, "N-no! i-it was just-fuck." Kaiser avoided eye contact with his face becoming an even darker shade of red by now.

...

...

...

"we are done!" y/n playfully clapped her hands, and looked at the bandaged boy in front of her. "yay..." he cheered silently as he was trying not to look at y/n. "oh come on, ill make you dinner!" y/n tried making kaiser look at his way, but god was this dude strong. "my favorite?" he asked, as he finally met her (eye color) orbs, they were filled with such love, purity and sincere, it was as if an angel was in front of him, he just couldn't believe his eyes. "of course." you tilted your head slightly to the side as his hands slowly moved up from the bathroom tub, and stood up. He groaned a bit in the pain in his back, but he wouldn't stop now. "mihya?" y/n looked at him, confused, she thought he was just going to go to the living room, but he just stood up. Kaiser only thought of one option, and quickly calculated how everything is going to go. "y/n..." he slowly put his hand on his nape and started drifting his eyes away from y/n. "yes, mihya?" god damn it this nickname, it is driving him crazy. "I want to repay you." he finally looked at her again and put his hands down. "why? you live with me, so you don't ne-" Before she could even continue, he grabbed her waist, and pulled her closer and closer until their faces were practically centimeters apart.

"I love you, y/n." after he said these words he dived into her lips, it was a simple brush of their mouths. Y/n was surprised, and started giggling. "oh mihya! you could have said that from the beginning! i love you too." y/n kissed him again, but this time it was slightly longer. "stop calling me mihya..." he said as he looked at her eyes, his forehead on hers, as she was giggling, and her face was red. "never!"

...

...

...

[sayitaliano]

Hello, I’ve been trying to learn Italian for a few years now (it’s been an on and off thing, depending on how frustrated I get lol), I feel like my discipline is not the best, and the fact that I can’t find a native to practice and ask for help is also pretty discouraging. Could you please give me a few tips as to what I can do to learn more in my current situation? Thank you 💕

Ciao!

For as frustrating as it may get (and I know what you mean here as a languages student myself), my main suggestion is to try and keep up a constant pace that allows you to study at least 15 minutes everyday (or a bit more 3-4 times a week, all according on your schedule ofc). I noticed an improvement once I started being more consistent in my practice (even writing just a sentence per day is better than doing a whole paragraph each month -eg. I've been writing a diary everyday, not just about random stuff but inserting different things like descriptions, answering questions, grammar stuff/sentences practice...). And ofc, the moment I decided I wanted to be more consistent, I had to start from basics again (and I'm suggesting you the same).

Set easy goals, plan reviews of what you have studied (even the week before), write in and listen to your target language (and also talk to yourself in it, like eg. describe what's around you or try to tell yourself what you should do; immerse yourself in the culture as much as you can -youtube is so of help with its many vlogs and shows and music...): I understand you want to run fast towards fluency but it's not said you need to reach it in a certain amount of time. Allow yourself to have days in which you see no progress or even think you're taking step backward. It's okay, it's all part of the process (we also have bad days in general, so be kind with yourself). We need for stuff we learn to settle a bit here and there, and therefore not making moves even for a week or two (or more) is normal. Go slow: moving fast is enemy when we want to learn and really assimilate what we learn.

Even if it's annoying to study, grammar is fundamental. And Italian grammar is not easy to learn so again it may take time according on what you are studying (nouns' genders, irregular verbs, articles, pronouns, adjectives.... try to start as easy as you can). If you rather, I'd suggest you buying a book for foreigners (I'm leaving you the resources masterpost, maybe you can find studying books but also other resources for your self studies)

I have collected LOADS of studying tips in the years on this masterpost (lemme add this since i cannot edit that post now) and... actually I know of a native who's trying to practice English (this said you can write a post about needing a "Penpal" and tag me, I'll happily reblog it here: many Italians follow me or you can use some other app). Don't give up on a native's help: being corrected when we make mistakes is so very important. It helps us remember the mistake we made and not do it anymore (or be more aware of it). Or find studying pals! I'm sure other Italian students would like to share and help you. Having others studying with us, may also help when it comes to consistency: we have no excuse but to practice at least every week and then we can practice together too. There's nothing bad in asking for help: if you don't know something, you cannot just try to solve it yourself, as you may not find the solution (or find a incorrect one): that way studying a language can really become frustrating to say the least as you may feel like you're in a hole and you cannot get out of it. Don't make it more difficult for yourself, make it easier. It's plenty of people who'd like to help you out and find themselves in your same position. You're not a bother, js.

All the best!! And ofc here I am if you need help :)

[starrgaziinggg]

SMAU | UNDERCOVER JYP-U

chapter seven -> when has a frat party ever not ended badly? (written 6k words)

directory | next chapter ->

You thought you were a non violent person. You really did. Pacifist and all that. But after seeing the text Yuna had sent to Hyunjin when you'd asked her to send a reply whilst you were busy, you swore you could throttle the girl.

"Why would you send that?" You practically scream, chasing after your bold blonde headed friend as she scrambled around your dorm in attempt to flee your grasp.

"Because it's funny!" She cackles back, jumping over the sofa to put some distance in between you both. You stop at the other side of the sofa, grabbing the back of it with both hands and attempting to get your breath back.

"It's not funny! We literally just stopped arguing and now you've sent him the flirtiest message," you say with a snarl, giving Yuna the daggers.

"If you think that's flirty," she starts, giggling as she goes to type another message. Luckily for you, Ryujin walks out her bedroom and plucks your phone out of Yuna's hands, passing it to you lazily. "Hey! You're no fun."

"Do you want her to kill you before we even get to the frat?" Ryujin responds, taking her leather jacket off of the coat rack and pointing a thumb at you.

"You're a dead woman," you say, focusing your attention back to Yuna and trying to see if by any miracle Apple had updated their messaging app to allow you to delete a message. Unfortunately, they had not.

"No killing on Jesus day," Chaeryoung says, coming out of her own room with Lia in tow.

"It's Saturday," Lia points out with a confused look on her face, but Chae waves her off.

"Everyday is Jesus day. Anyway, are we going to get a move on? Felix is already asking where we are," Chaeryoung responds, pulling on a pair of trainers.

"Felix is impatient," you reply, huffily shoving your phone in your jacket pocket. "And we're leaving now, if everyone's ready?"

"Yup," Yuna responds, sticking her tongue out at you in another act of defiance. "I'm ready to see my favourite frat guys."

"Down, girl," Ryujin says with a laugh, opening the door of your dorm and letting everyone walk into the hallway before locking it shut.

"What did Yuna even say to Hyunjin?" Chae asks you as you all walk out the dorm building and head in the direction of the guys dorm.

"She sent a stupid kissy face and called Hyunjin 'Hyune'," you groan, trying not to get too annoyed. Realistically, it wasn't that bad, but considering you'd just patched things up with him, you didn't want to cause any upset.

"He won't even care," Ryujin says, trying to ease you. "He probably gets a billion messages like that a day."

"I'd love to be sending him messages like that," Lia says, wiggling her eyebrows cheekily. "That man is so fine."

"Whatever," you say, pretending to gag but laughing afterwards. "I just hope he doesn't get the wrong idea."

You cross the courtyard, passing by a couple groups of people outside of your student Union building. That's when you start to feel the light droplets of rain on your face, groaning again in annoyance.

"Of course it starts raining properly as soon as we step outside," Chae shivers, attempting to pull her jacket over her head to hide from the droplets pouring down on her.

Ryujin walks up beside you, giving you some of her hoodie to cover you both. "If you ask me, you seem to care a lot about what Hyunjin thinks of you."

You roll your eyes at her redirection of the conversation back to Hyunjin. "It's not even that, I just want to stay on good terms with him. It's been a nice week not having to constantly argue with him."

"It's been nice for me to not have to listen to you both constantly argue," Chae grins at you, turning to face you. "I'm finally at peace."

You laugh at her, speeding up your walk to get to the boys dorm as fast as possible. You're all but soaked when you arrive, and just to your luck Hyunjin is the one who answers the door.

"I told you I could pick you up," he says with a smirk, moving out of the way to let you all in. His dark hair hangs loosely in front of his face, and he pushes it away as he moves aside to let you all in. Jisung's clearly already connected to the speaker, blasting tunes so loudly you could barely hear Hyunjin talk.

It had been a pretty intense first week back, and at your weekly student body meeting yesterday Chan had already started delegating tasks relating to your semesterly Charity Week, which wasn't for another three weeks. You were more than thankful to hear the sounds of your friends laughing and letting loose as you walked in the door.

"Don't say I told you so," you reply with a glare, and he puts his hands up in defeat. You watch the girls kick off their shoes and start mingling with the guys, Yuna heading straight for the kitchen as usual.

Hyunjin seems to stick by your side, so you decide it's the perfect opportunity to clear up what Yuna had texted him earlier.

"I didn't send that last text to you, by the way," you say kind of awkwardly, not knowing how to make the conversation seem less weird. "I asked Yuna to reply to you whilst I was doing Chaeryoung's hair and she thought it would be really funny to send something flirty."

Hyunjin waves a hand, giving you a half smile as the two of you walk towards the kitchen. "Don't worry about it. I knew it wasn't you."

"You did?" You ask, taking a shot from Felix after saying a quick hello and downing it.

"Yeah, you'd never send a double smile like that. Plus, you've never called me 'Hyune' a day in your life," he points out, and you wonder when he became so perceptive. He leads you to the back wall, pulling out some things from his fridge.

"What you making?" You ask inquisitively, perching yourself up on the counter top. Hyunjin glances at you quickly, going back to raiding his fridge and quickly switching to the cupboards afterwards.

"Thought I'd make you a mojito," he answers plainly, shrugging. "I know you like them, and we have all the stuff for it."

You can't help but give him a deadpan expression. "You have fresh mint?"

"Minho bought a plant when we did a food shop the other day," he explains, which actually makes a lot of sense. For a college student, your best friend was an excellent cook. "Plus, and this is a trade secret so don't run your mouth, mojitos are my favourite too."

You raise an eyebrow, resting the palms of your hands on the countertop behind you and leaning against them. "Wow, wouldn't peg you for a cocktail guy."

He rolls his eyes, grabbing some ice from the freezer below him to fill up your glasses. "This is why we need to spend more time together. It's scary how little you know about me."

"Yo, can you stop raw dogging the ice?" Seungmin frowns, scoffing at hyunjin. "Minho's told you a million times there's an ice scoop for a reason."

Hyunjin mimics his words, sticking his tongue out at him before handing you your drink for good measure. You thank him after he places in a straw, nodding his head as if to get you to try it. Contrary to how you expected it to taste, you hate to admit it's probably one of the nicest mojito's you'd ever tried.

"Hey, Sueng," you greet Seugmin, who smiles at you. "You coming to the frat tonight?"

Seungmin nods. "Yeah, at least for a bit. Dunno if Jeongin's already mentioned, but we've already got an assignment due for next week."

"Yikes," Hyunjin comments, grimacing as he takes another sip of his drink, looking quite pleased that you seem to like yours.

"Yeah, Jeongin was complaining about it at the meeting yesterday," you add, lighting tapping your feet against the kitchen cabinets.

"Of course he was," Seungmin shakes his head, though the rest of his sentence is cut off by a yell from the hallway.

"Seungmin! Can I use your key card?" Felix all but screams, causing Seungmin to divert his attention from you and Hyunjin and towards the hallway. He tilts his head at you with an exasperated look before turning on his heel.

You focus your attention back to the tall, dark haired guy to your left. "What do you mean, I know nothing about you?" you can't help but ask, pressing the topic. You'd like to think you knew all of your university friends pretty well at this point, bar Lia who you had just met.

"Well, you don't really know much about me at all, do you?" he says, smiling slightly.

"I know you've got rich parents," you say matter-of-factly, which he scoffs at.

"Almost everyone who attends this uni is well off," he points out, and you don't even register the fact that you're in a room full of your friends and you're more than contempt from just having a regular conversation with Hyunjin. It's refreshing, actually, just talking about mundane things.

"I know..." you start, though you begin to fall short when you genuinely try to think of facts you know about Hyunjin and can't seem to.

"This is exactly what I mean!" he laughs, not seeming to mind the fact you know next to nothing about him. Had you really spent so much of your time arguing with him that in all the conversations you'd had, you couldn't pick up on single piece of information?

"Alright, Mr Big Shot, what do you know about me?" you say, an attempt to flip the tables. Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, turning his stance so that he's directly in front of you.

"I know that it took you three whole years to figure out that the expression was 'play it by ear', and not 'play it by year'," he starts, which makes you laugh instantly.

"Hey! A year is a time frame, in the context of the saying, I think it's an easy mistake to make," you defend yourself, throwing your hands up. He nods his head, chuckling.

"Fair enough. Okay, I know that your favourite colour is yellow because, in quotation marks, "It's the colour of all things happy."

You nod slowly, remembering when you said that once over a study session in which everyone had grown bored of studying and you'd all opted to ask each other random questions instead.

"Okay, you're two for two - anything else?" you ask, solely to try and prove he doesn't know all that much about you.

He looks straight into your eyes for a good while, as if analysing you. "I know that you feel this need to make sure everyone's happy, all the time. Like it's your duty to hold our friend group together, even if it drains you," he says, surprising you.

So maybe Hyunjin was a lot more perceptive than you initially thought.

"I'm not that bad," you counter, though it's a weak attempt. It's obvious he can read you much better than you can read him. You finish your drink before he speaks up again, placing the empty glass on the counter beside you.

"I beg to differ," Hyunjin says, though your conversation is cut off as Ryujin saunters up towards you both.

"Do my eyes deceive me?" She says dramatically, leaning against the countertop beside you. "Or are you two actually having a nice conversation?”

You mimic her silently, pushing her away gently with your knee. She laughs at you, shaking her head.

"Alright, alright - I just came over to say that Chan wants to get going soon. Apparently the frats already gone through two of the four kegs," Ryujin rolls her eyes.

"Already?" You mutter in disbelief. To your knowledge, the party had only started not even an hour ago, but they were frat boys after all. You hop off of the countertop, noticing your friends were starting to get their shit together and make their way to the door.

"What kind of frat only has four kegs on a Saturday night party?" Hyunjin comments, following behind you and Ryujin as you walk out the kitchen.

"That's what I'm saying," Changbin adds, walking towards the three of you and handing Ryujin her coat. Cute, you think. He grabs her attention as he does so, leading them to peel off ahead. For whatever reason, Hyunjin sticks to you, waiting with you as you get ready to go to the frat.

Yuna, Lia and Chaeryoung lead your group as you all herd outside, trying to keep to the sides of the road as you walk in the direction of the frat. Thankfully the rain has seemed to clear off, which you think is typical. The three girls ahead are all giggles, clearly excited at a change of scenery from your usual crowd.

"This is a rare scene," Minho comments, coming towards you and Hyunjin as you doddle at the back of the pack, slinging an arm round your shoulders and leaning his body weight on you. "The two of you being civil."

"Yeah, well," you say lazily, leaning into your friend. "Maybe the world's ending."

Minho chuckles at this, which makes Hyunjin roll his eyes. "We're best friends now," Hyunjin mocks, making a face at the man hanging off your shoulder. "You're out, I'm in."

"Is that so?" Minho counters with a smirk, directing his attention towards you. "Come on, who's your favourite, tell us."

Hyunjin steps ahead of you to walk backwards, watching for your reaction. Minho does the same, letting go of your shoulder. You shake your head, pushing them out of your way. You miss the way Minho winces, clinging to your shoulder again.

"Neither of you," you answer them, giving Minho a weird look for returning to your side as you continue walking through the street. "You're both as annoying as each other, really."

"Low blow," Hyunjin points out with a tilted head. "At least I give you company in class."

"At least I didn't spend the last year arguing with her," Minho counters snidely, making you chuckle.

"God, me and Hyun have finally stopped our row and now you two are at it?" You say, shaking your head without realising what you've said. Minho raises an eyebrow, removing himself from clinging to your arm as you all stop walking and group together outside of the frat house.

"He's even got a nickname? This friendship is taking new levels," Minho whines, pouting at you fakely. When you turn to get Hyunjin's reaction he's not looking at you, just smiling inwardly at himself.

"Chan! Bro, how are you?" Some guy shouts, opening the main door to the frat house and giving Chan one of those side bro hug handshakes. Chan gives him an equally frat-bro response, making way so that you can all enter the frat house.

The music is blaring, so much so that you feel the ground physically shake every time the base booms. People are already passed out, bodies sprawled over the sofas who peaked too early. The life of the party seems to be towards the kitchen and outdoor area, so your group starts mingling in that direction. Chan's already been bombarded by his many frat friends, and Yuna's found one of her old flings to reignite.

You're about to find Felix for a drink, as it's become routine for you two to start a night off with shots, when you feel someone grab your arm lightly.

"I've just seen some of my friends," Hyunjin shouts in your ear, trying to let you hear him over the music. "I'll be back in a bit, you okay?"

You almost feel like raising an eyebrow at him, confused as to why he's explaining his whereabouts to you. You don't mind it, though - it kind of reassures you knowing he's looking out for you, especially at a party like this. You'd been to frat parties before and they'd always ended messily.

Smiling, you nod your head at him. "Sure, I'm gonna go find Lix."

Hyunjin gives you a grin before turning his heel, going towards a group of people that had just walked through the door. They welcome him happily as you turn on your heel to go find wherever Felix has wandered off too. It was always like this with your group, unable to locate someone not a second after you'd last seen them.

You spot Jeongin outside, pulling a beer out of the ice bucket. The frat was way bigger than you'd initially thought, the outdoor area stretching out with a whole pool. He spots you instantly as you walk towards him.

"Beer?" He asks you, picking up a second one. You nod, reaching your hand out to take it from him.

"Cheers," you say, thanking him as you pull the cap of the bottle off with your teeth. Jeongin grimaces.

"You know I hate it when you do that," he says, using a nearby bottle opener to open his own. Felix wanders over to you then, passing you and Jeongin a shot glass full of a bright green substance.

“Down the hatch,” he says, making Jeongin cringe as you laugh and down the shot, watching Felix as he downs his and turns his attention back to you. “Got your eye on anyone tonight?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes with a smile. “Frat boys aren’t really my type.”

“Yeah,” Jeongin interrupts, leading the three of you over to an empty seating area. You flop down, making yourself comfortable. “Her types more artistic than frat boys.”

You raise an eyebrow at him from beside you on the outdoor sofa, Felix taking the single chair to your left. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, other than that you’ve definitely got your eye on someone here,” he replies ambiguously. You turn to your left to raise an eyebrow at Jeongin, spying Chaeryoung coming outside and catching your eye.

“Am I missing something?” You ask Felix, you just shrugs lazily with a smile. Chaeryoung takes a bottle from the ice bucket, handing it to you to open as she sits on your lap. Jeongin winces as you pull the cap off.

“Missing what?” Chaeryoung asks, kissing your cheek as a thank you for opening her bottle.

“Just that she’s in love with Hyunjin,” Jeongin says proudly, grinning from ear to ear. You almost spit your drink out, groaning when Chaeryoung laughs manically.

“Ryujin and I have been saying that for months!” She cackles, which you pinch her for. “Hey!”

“No way,” Felix says in disbelief, shaking his head so hard it causes his blonde hair to fly out around him. “You can’t argue with someone as much as those two have for the past year and then magically be in love.”

“Enemies to lovers,” Jeongin replies wisely, giving his friend a wink. “I saw it coming a mile off.”

“Can we maybe circle back to the fact I’m literally not in love with Hyunjin?” You say, huffing exasperatingly. Chan and some of his friends from the frat make their way outside then, cutting your conversation short as they fill up the empty seats around you.

It’s obvious Jeongin’s just doing his upmost to tease you, his usual way of acting towards you, but the way Chaeryoung was so quick to agree sits differently with you. Especially considering the way Hyunjin had been acting toward you recently, tonight in particular. You couldn’t help but wonder if they were seeing something you couldn’t.

You didn’t think much more on the topic, though. Chan and one of his frat friends started putting logs on the outdoor fire pit, which was desperately needed since the September temperature was dropping ridiculously quickly. The fire made for a cosy atmosphere outdoors, seemingly a complete contrast from what was going on indoors. The music could be heard crystal clearly from outside, and you assumed everyone indoors was starting to go deaf.

Despite the rowdiness that could be observed from inside, you spent a good couple of hours enjoying yourself outdoors, cracking open a few more bottles which caused yourself to become pleasantly tipsy. Minho had come out to join you, taking Chaeryoung’s space on the couch beside you as Chaeryoung had wandered off to look for the other girls a few times. She liked to make sure they were all okay (because she is perhaps the kindest person on the planet), and every time came back to report the same thing.

Ryujin was in the kitchen with Changbin, playing beer pong with Yuna, Seungmin, Jisung, and a good few frat boys. Yuna was drunk, but not too drunk, which you were very proud of her for. Chaeryoung had said she was clinging to the arm of a good looking guy, though - which was to be expected. She said she’d found Lia with Hyunjin and his friends, who had taken refuge in the living area and looked high, which was also to be expected from Hyunjin’s arty friends.

Everything seemed to be rather calm and in order for a frat party, which you could attribute to the fact that a lot of the people outwith your group had peaked so early they’d ended up either falling asleep or going home. As you were sitting lazily against Minho’s side, listening to Chan tell you stories about him and his frat friends from high school, you were surprised to think that perhaps you’d all go home tonight in a pretty respectable manner, contrary to every other time you’d left after a night out.

That fantasy slips away pretty quickly, though, when you hear a horrifying crash come from inside. You jump from Minho’s side as Yuna rushes outdoors, grabbing your attention and shouting something about Ryujin and Changbin. Chan’s story was quickly halted as everyone you were sitting with bolts upright and makes their way inside, hanging around the outskirts of the scene unfolding in front of them.

Changbin has some guy in a headlock on the ground and is all but beating the shit out of him, the guy putting up a pretty good defence and getting some punches in himself. Glass was smashed everywhere, the island in the middle of the kitchen wrecked.

“Don’t you ever fucking touch her again!” You hear Changbin shout throughout the chaos, Chan jumping straight to his aid and pulling him off of the guy forcefully. You look towards Minho, your eyes wide as he gives you a look back, a hand on your shoulder.

“What the fuck happened?” Jeongin asks Seungmin, who’s watching the chaos with Jisung after having witnessed it’s outbreak.

“God knows,” Seungmin responds, shaking his head. “One minute we were playing beer pong and the next Changbin decked that guy.”

“It was insane,” Jisung adds, unable to take his eyes off of the disaster in front of him. “I tried to step in but Changbin pushed me away.”

It’s then that you notice Ryujin behind them, looking nothing short of petrified. Despite Minho telling you not to, you move past Chan and the frat guys that have stepped in to de-escalate the situation to comfort your friend.

“Are you okay?” Is the first thing you say to her, holding her against you. She nods, staring at Changbin who’s still trying to lash out. The guy he was fighting stands up with the aid of what you assume to be his friends, stumbling towards Changbin and shouting at him, though you can’t really make out what they’re saying. You spot Hyunjin and Lia with a group of people then, clearly having just come from the living room from the noise of the action.

You think the situation is handled when you go to move around the two psychotic boys, until Changbin lunges for the guy again after he mumbles something and you end up getting caught in the crossfire. All you feel is a shooting pain towards your eye and you’re seeing stars, your vision blurring to black momentarily. Ryujin screams from beside you, and temporarily the shouting subsides. When you come to again, your vision clearing slowly, Changbin’s staring at you solemnly.

“Fucking hell,” you hear Minho say, rushing up towards you. You blink a couple times to try and see properly, but everything’s still very blurry.

“Take Ryujin and make sure she’s alright, I’ll get her,” you hear Hyunjin say to Minho, attempting to get a grasp on the situation as he nods towards you. “She might need to go to the hospital.”

The seriousness of the situation dawns on you when Changbin starts profusely apologising to you, practically in tears. There’s always a sense of adrenaline that stops you from feeling the brevity of an injury after it happens, especially when your drunk, but as the adrenaline starts to subside you can feel the searing pain under your eye.

“What’s happened?” You say, unable to hide how scared you are in your tone of voice. Your vision is still awfully unclear, but you can make out the shapes of people moving around you as Hyunjin guides you outside.

“Is she okay?” A voice asks before Hyunjin can respond to you, and you make it out as Seungmin’s.

“She’ll be fine,” is all he says, before turning to talk quickly with someone. The air is freezing cold at this point, and you shiver against the wind. Hyunjin turns back to you, taking your hand in his and leading you to the roadside.

“My friends gonna drive us to the hospital - don’t worry, he hasn’t been drinking,” he says as he guides you into the backseat of a car. You enter it cautiously, still unaware of how badly you’d been injured in your collision with Changbin.

“What actually happened?” You ask again, clinging to Hyunjin’s hand for dear life as your only sense of comfort. The car starts, and thankfully every minute that passes by your vision becomes clearer. You can see Hyunjin distinctly at this point, but your head is throbbing.

“Here,” Hyunjin says, passing you a tissue. “Hold this against your cheek.”

You do as asked, and you shiver when you pull it away to find blood soaking the tissue. You look at Hyunjin expectantly.

“So, when you moved past Changbin with Ryujin, he went to go hit that guy with a broken bottle,” Hyunjin explains, and you grimace. You know Changbin had a bad streak of getting himself into trouble, but he hadn’t fought someone this brutally for years, you’d been told. “And when you went to get past him, you got in the way of his action and -”

“He hit me with a broken bottle?” You finish, your eyes wide. “Is it really bad?”

You pull the tissue away and watch as Hyunjin physically shivers, using his free hand to place the tissue back on your cheek.

“It’s not phenomenal,” he says with his head tilted, which actually makes you chuckle slightly. The pain in your cheek was sore, but it wasn’t horrific now, especially since you could see properly again. “I reckon you’ll need stitches.”

“They might just glue it,” Hyunjin’s friend says from the front seat, a tall guy with shaggy brown hair.

“Thanks for driving me,” you say to him, and he just nods casually. You turn back to Hyunjin. “Thank you for helping me.”

He squeezes your hand, which casually reminds you that you’re currently holding hands with him. If your previous self could see you now, she’d laugh hysterically.

“It’s no trouble. I stopped drinking ages ago so I thought I’d probably be in the best condition to make sure you were okay,” he explains, and you give him a look.

“You stopped drinking to smoke,” you point out, which makes him laugh.

“Same difference. I hope Ryujin’s okay after that, though. Changbin is such an idiot sometimes,” Hyunjin says with a sigh. You nod in response.

“This is why I feel the need to get involved - I just, after what happened last year, I don’t want to see her get hurt again,” you explain, thinking about what Hyunjin had said to you a while back.

“Hey, don’t think twice about what I said about you getting involved in their relationship,” he says seriously, turning to look at you properly. “I was just being snarky for the sake of it, I didn’t mean it. I know you just want to be a good friend.”

You shrug, kind of thankful that he was willing to admit there wasn’t any truth behind his statement. “Maybe I shouldn’t get too involved, though, when this is the outcome,” you say with a smile, pointing to your bloody cheek. Hyunjin chuckles, shaking his head.

“That’s us here,” his friend says, pulling up outside the nearest hospital in your area. You get out of the car, letting Hyunjin’s hand go and watching as he thanks his friend and says something about getting an Uber home. His friend gives you a wave before driving off, and Hyunjin walks up to your side.

The two of you go into the accident and emergency section, which is suprisingly quiet for a Saturday night. Usually it’s heaving with drunk people getting themselves into mischief. It only takes you ten minutes of waiting until your seen to, and Hyunjin gives you a half smile and tells you he will wait for you in the waiting room.

After a gruelling physical inspection, your doctor tells you that the laceration needs disinfected and glued together, since the cut isn’t that deep. She also explains the reason your vision was lost momentarily was due to shock and the fact you’d been drinking, and wasn’t anything to be ridiculously worried about. All in all, it’s not long until your joining Hyunjin and arranging an Uber.

“I did not expect this to be the outcome of my night,” Hyunjin laughs, gently tapping your feet with his as the two of you stand and wait for the Uber he’d just arranged.

“Thought you’d be in bed with some sorority chick by now?” You say, taunting him. He scoffs, shaking his head of dark hair.

“I thought I’d be in bed with some leftover beef wellington from Minho and asleep by 2am,” he says, making you chuckle. You pull your phone out of your back pocket to a swarm of texts, your group chat with the girls blowing up and your individual messages with the guys having messages constantly pinging through. A huge chunk of them are from Changbin, a spam from Felix asking if you were okay, a couple from Jeongin, Jisung and Minho and a good bunch from Seungmin as well. Chan has phoned you a few times, like the dutiful father figure he is, and Ryujin had individually texted you to.

Instead of replying, you switch your phone off fully, placing it back into your pocket. You could deal with the swarms of messages tomorrow, you decide, since your friends are probably already at home asleep by now. Hyunjin confirms this after picking up an incoming call from Felix.

“Hey,” he starts, putting the call on speaker.

“Are you guys okay? How is she? Are you at the hospital?” Felix whisper shouts, which makes you think the other guys in his dorm are asleep.

“Calm down, Sherlock,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes at his doting friend. “We’re fine, I took her to the hospital and she got the cut glued. Doc says she’s alright, but told me to look out for signs of a concussion.”

“She did?” You say quietly, and Hyunjin nods. You feel like you must have zoned out when she was droning on and on about symptoms and jargon and whatever else.

“Oh thank god, we were all so scared when Changbin hit her. I called Chan earlier and he says Changbin’s freaking out, says Ryujin won’t speak to him. And then Chaeryoung was texting me saying their dorm is a disaster too, and Ryujin is going nuts,” Felix explains, relaying all his forms of communication to you and Hyunjin. The two of you share a look.

“So our dorm is the only quiet one right now?” He asks.

“Yeah, everyone’s asleep but me, and I’m shattered, so I won’t be long either. Minho’s still at the girls dorm after taking Ryujin home,” Felix clarifies. “Honestly, if I were you guys I’d just come straight here. Ryujin going ballistic won’t do anything to help, especially if you might have a concussion.”

Hyunjin looks towards you expectantly and you shrug, thinking it might not actually be the worst idea.

“I can sleep on the couch?” You offer, which Hyunjin shakes his head profusely at.

“No fucking way,” he says, as if it’s the worst thing you’ve ever said. “You can take my bed and I’ll share with Felix.”

“Fine by me,” Felix says, yawning. A car pulls in then, and Hyunjin recognises the number plate as the Uber you were waiting for.

“That’s our Uber, we’ll be back in, like, fifteen minutes maybe?” Hyunjin says to Felix over the phone. He says his goodbyes and Hyunjin hangs up, opening the door for you as you climb into the back seat. He gets into the other side, and thankfully your Uber doesn’t say anything other than confirm your destination, giving you the peace you need.

When your almost back at the dorm, Hyunjin breaks the peaceful silence. “Don’t worry about messaging the girls, I’ve already sent Chaeryoung a text to let her know your staying with me.”

You can’t help but roll your eyes as the Uber pulls up outside Hyunjin’s dorm. “Great, now I’m never gonna hear the end of it.”

He eyes you with a strange look, thanking the Uber and getting out. “What do you mean?”

You chuckle as you shake your head, following him inside his dorm building after he presses his key card against the reader. “Nothing, don’t worry.”

You attempt to be as quiet as possible when you get inside his dorm, knowing that you’re not the only one who’s had a stressful night. Hyunjin gives you some of his clothes to sleep in which you thank him for, changing into his shorts and tshirt in his bedroom whilst he’s in the kitchen. He returns after knocking with a glass of water and a packet of pain relief tablets.

“Here,” he says, placing the items on his bedside table for you as you get comfortable in his bed. “I’ll just be next door, so if anything starts hurting or whatever, just call or text me, or even come through if I don’t respond.”

You smile, thanking him with a laugh. “Thanks, Hyunjin. You don’t need to worry so much about me. I feel bad enough stealing your bed as it is.”

“You’re not stealing it, I’m giving it to you,” he points on, taking a seat at the edge of his bed to talk to you. You can’t help but think about how kind he’s been to you tonight, and wonder if you’d been looking past his good traits all this time just to align with your theory that he was the devil in disguise. “I’m worried about leaving you alone all night.”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassure him, giving him a smile for good measure. “When did you become so protective over me?”

You watch him roll his eyes with a smile at your teasing, shaking his head. “Who knows. Maybe it was after you stopped being evil to me.”

“And we’re back,” you say quietly, laughing with him. “Go get some sleep.”

“Okay, okay,” he says, standing up off the bed. “Remember to call me if you need me.”

You salute at him as he walks towards his door, stopping at it when you call out his name.

“Thanks for everything tonight,” you say sincerely, which he smiles at.

“No problem,” he responds, lingering a bit longer, until he shakes his phone at you, as if to remind you to talk to him if you start feeling worse. He turns on his heel then, closing the door behind himself, and you kind of hate the fact that you wished you could have asked him to stay with you.

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@cursed-mars-bars @hanjistarss @imasimplol @hyunverse @aestaeticous @dorisnumber1fan @tasteskz-sword @amnmich

[readingadream]

A Twisted High

Pairing: Bang Chan X OC Alexa/Alex

Summary: Alexa's favorite thing is Ice skating and hanging out with friend's. Chris's favorite thing is Hockey and working for the family business. What happens when these two get paired up for a school project and become each others new favorite thing.

Genre: Mafia Au, Hockey Au,

Warning and Tags: Drug use, violence, eventually smut, fluff, angst

Word Count: 1,267

Chapter Two

Chris’s POV

After school, the boys and I head over to our spot. Spotting Jamie, I sigh. I can tell Changbin feels my mood because he walks in front of me, meeting face to face with Jamie.

"What the fuck do you want?" Changbin says aggressively, making Jamie chuckle. That druggy shouldn't even be here, he could fuck up the season or worse.

"Oh, daddy didn't tell you? I'm a dealer now and you guys are supposed to add me in your little group. How exciting! So where did you park? We should get to the rink." He says with a stupid smirk on his face.

Of course that bastard went to my dad, now he can get anything he wants. I roll my eyes and start walking to my car. Felix gives me a confused look and I just shrug my shoulders. I can't do anything if someone brought my dad into this. All of us hop into my truck and head to the rink.

Once we get to the rink, Jamie jumps out and pulls out a box. I shake my head before I become a part of this. The boys follow me to the changing room. They have questions and I know it, but I have so many myself. My dad doesn't let me in on all that anymore. I get dressed as fast as I can to hopefully give the boys the hint that I don't want to talk about this, and thankfully they do. When we all finish, we make our way to the bleachers.

"This season is going to be a great one with me as a captain, don't you think? Oh, and I guess with the help of co-captain, Christopher," Minho jokingly says, jabbing at me with his elbow. We arrived earlier than I thought, since the girls were still practicing. Not that I mind, it's a nice view.

"Alex just looks better and better everyday," Hyunjin says sitting down in front of me getting his skates on.

"Damn, yeah, I would tap that," Han says while sitting down next to me. We all look at the rink and he's right, Alex is improving and she looks beautiful as ever she makes you just fall in a trance.

"She has to come here and practice a lot, she is mesmerizing." Grabbing my water and looking around, I see my cousin and wave at her while she smiles back, then goes back to her drawing book.

"I mean, if I had parents like hers I'd always be here practicing too." We all look over and see Tina looking right at me with those heart eyes and I instantly get annoyed. I pray that the girls’ practice hurries up so I can go and practice and get away from her. It seems my prayers were answered because the girls’ coach blew her whistle. As soon as I heard that, I ran to the rink and put my skates on, deciding the boys were taking too long. I start to just skate around with my stick in my hand. I then feel a gentle tap on my shoulder making me turn around. I am faced with the girl who has seemed to be on not only my mind, but my friends’ minds as well. 

"Hey umm Chris. Sorry to disturb you," Alex says shyly, looking down at her skates. Her nervousness is adorable and not something I am used to. I like this side of her, cute and sweet, different from her confident, loud self.

"Don't be sorry Alex, you're fine. What's up?" I say with a teasing smile, which makes her blush and look back to her fidgeting hands.

"I was wondering if you'd like… only if you would like too - I mean, you don't have to-" I place my hands on her shoulders to help her relax.

"Hey, relax Alex," I chuckle, rubbing her shoulder with my thumb.  I don't know why she is like this but I like it and think it would be a little fun to tease her a bit. 

"If I'd like to, what?" I smile and start to skate around her with a big smile on my face. For a second I forget that there is a rink filled with a bunch of boys and girls.

"Ha, yeah sorry. I was wondering if I could have your phone number for our project of course." She looks over trying to hide her blush but I caught it.

"Oh yeah, that would be a good idea, wouldn't it? ' Nervously, I scratch the back of my neck and we both skate over to her bag and she hands me her phone while she takes off her skates.

"You know, you have some great moves out there. Have you gotten a call from the Olympics yet?" I say giving her phone back, she laughs but then gives me a sweet smile as she puts her shoes on.

"Oh, umm, thanks Chris. You're not bad yourself. With you and Minho as co-captains, we are for sure going to the finals." I smile looking at the rink to see the boys and my cousin looking over at us, giving me confidence.

"Thanks. You should go to our game on Friday and cheer m-"

"Alexa!" I was cut off by her dad yelling for her, making everyone look at us. We make eye contact and I can see the sadness and annoyance in her eyes. We broke contact when her dad called her name again.

"OH! Gosh I'm so sorry. I got to go but I'll text you when we should meet up. Also I'd love to go to your game. Bye Chris." Alex waves, grabbing her bag and telling Chantel ‘bye,’ giving her a hug. Watching her, I smile excited to get a text from her. I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt a thump on the back of my head. Turning around to yell at whoever has the balls to hit me, I am met with all the boys giving me weird looks and kissy faces. I look at Alex one last time before I make my way to the boys in the middle of the rink.

"Dude your father would kill you if he sees you with Alexa. You know how he feels about her family," Changbin says, making me roll my eyes. My dad doesn't care anymore, it's more so her dad to worry about. But it's not like we actually will end up together, or that there are feelings to begin with. Right, I don't like her. She's like family, she's my cousin's best friend, that would just be weird. I mean, I know it's not as bad because it's just my cousin. Ugh, I thinking about this too much. 

"Yeah man, a Tibbits is a no no." Hyunjin comes out of nowhere standing next to the rest of the boys.

"Well he's going to have to deal with it for a while. We are working on a project together. That's it guys, nothing more." I say before taking a drink of water.

"Sure, we saw the way you guys were looking at each other all googly eyed," Minho says while making kissy faces and noises as the others laugh.

"Hey, look, the rest of the team is here, we should start," I say pointing to our couch and the rest of the team walking out to the rink. I let out a sigh of relief when they all moved their attention to the others making their way to us in the middle of the rink.

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[sunspill]

Hi I'd like to take back every nice thing I said about my surgeon.

This is a venty and /lengthy/ post about my experience with an accelerated emergency hysterectomy (<2wks from diagnosis to surgery). I'm adding a cut in case medical stuff is triggering for anyone or if you're like "I've heard enough outta you about doctors" (understandable).

I'm struggling to sleep rn in a hospital room so I'm venting to distract while I wait for my nurse to check in with me about more morphine.

So my gyn and my surgeon are the same person, an OBGYN in San Francisco. He was the only would who could see me after multiple ER and 2 urgent care visits for severe pain in my abdomen. Eventually the ER orders an ultrasound. a surprise vaginal ultrasound that I was not informed would involve insertion of the wand into my vagina until the tech told me to take off my underwear. They had told me it would be a stomach ultrasound to look for masses. I'm still... unhappy about this. It hurt and the tech was like "all women get these its fine". Anyway, I had one moderately large fibroid and possibly scar tissue and smaller masses.

Sidenote: I'm not sure if i have ever felt being viewed as less than human more in the ER. Downplaying my symptoms, telling me the ER doesn't dispense pain medication (which they later did multiple times), that fibroids don't cause any pain, accusations of drug-seeking, and multiple insinuations that I was pregnant or otherwise lying. One such accusation was a question posed to my partner about if we ever had threesomes with men or if maybe I cheated on them and contracted pregnancy or STD. Oh and when I got diagnosed they didn't say "it's fibroids" they said "there's at least one tumor in your uterus" like ! Why would they say it like that?? Every nurse was pissed to be there and I strongly believed one of them hard painful pricked me in my wrist instead of my elbow because they were annoying I was sobbing in the room outside the nurses lounge. When my partner confronted them about that choice they were like "well we can remove it but you won't get fluids or meds then". It hurt for 2 days afterwards. I had been to urgent care and the er previous to this and had no issues with the inner elbow.

I called gynos all over the place but no one else except this doctor, lets say... Dr Yan, could see me within 3 weeks. My PCP refused to provide pain management and I had been out of work for a week and half, returning to the ER multiple times because I was screaming in pain for hours. The ER would prescribe a small amount of prescription pain killers, I would try to make them stretch, and then I would have to return to the ER. I was bedridden from pain. Planned Parenthood couldn't help with treatment but told me based on the ER imaging I might have adenomyosis, for which the only "cure" would be to remove my uterus, removing just fibroid is much more difficult with adenomyosis.

So I was desperate and Dr Yan was willing to do a hysterectomy as well as willing to push my insurance company to get it done fast as I was pulling no income - I ran out of PTO after a week of calling out. I felt I needed it fast and it started to hurt more whenever I ate or drank. He somehow got it moved to yesterday.

But he was awful. He wouldn't give specific answers to my questions, he barely walked me through what the procedure entailed after my partner pressed harder, and kept saying it is a very common procedure that is easy and not painful.

He lied to me, saying I'd be home the same day and a nerve blocker administered during surgery would keep me numb for two days. The recovery nurse told me that's not true. He insisted that pain would be minimal and his patients were fine with otc pain management. He said it needed to be abdominal, which I have since learned is not the case and is the most painful and longest recovery time for hysterectomy

The only thing he reiterated and talked about was how I would be unable to get pregnant, which was the only thing I *already* knew. 

He did one physical exam during initial appt which was pushing on my abdomen, ordered no additional imaging or appts, and literally disappeared into another room while my back was turned signing forms. I had to sit in the waiting room for another 20 minutes to get him to sign insurance and leave of work papers.

He was 20 min late to my pre-op appt and his office had no idea why. he performed a pelvis exam on me, externally and then inserted his fingers into my vagina for an internal exam without telling me. I had never had a pelvic exam before. It hurt enough bc he did not use lubrication. My partner confronted him angrily and he said he knows what he's doing and the exam was over anyway. He told me again the surgery would be simple.

I woke up screaming in observation, where i was given Tylenol. The surgical nurse lied to me and said they had already called my partner. After an hour of pain they moved me to a recovery room, where I had access to my phone and called my partner, who had not been contacted and rushed over. I was alone and crying out in pain.

The nurse told me that they could only give me Tylenol because Dr Yan had left the hospital without putting in orders for me aka authorizing use of moderate to severe controlled painkillers. They said as soon as they could get him on the phone they could give me something for the pain because I had been given 4 grams of Tylenol and couldn't have more. Dr Yan never answered the phone.

I am not joking when I say this next part, because I was able to track the time through my chart just now to get exact numbers and times. I came out of surgery no later than 800am. In a recovery room by 9. I screamed, absolutely not an exaggeration, I was crying out and sobbing and could not think, I was sweating and my entire body was shaking. I was dry heaving and spitting up bile, which made the pain worse. I don't remember anything except the pain, although apparently i did say some funny things to my partner coming down from the general anesthesia (thought we were in grocery outlet).

At 2:14 the hospitalist gave up calling and admitted me, transferring care away from Dr Yan. At 4:45pm they administered a very lose dose of morphine, and I finally stopped screaming. It was still very painful, and my partner timed me - I would sleep for 1-7 minutes, then wake up crying out in pain for 3-10min, repeat. The nurse told me I would receive stronger pain management when I had a room.

At 430pm they transfered me to my room, which involved the transport guy hitting my bed against the counter. The transfer from bed to bed was so jolting I started screaming again, which lasted until 445pm, when they administered triple the dose of morphine given earlier.

This has been the most painful experience of my life. The Dr said no more morphine and would administer those opiate pills cut w ibuprofen or whatever. They would give me just enough to cut my pain back from 10 to 6/7, then make me wait until 10, then make me wait crying out in pain while they got the dr to put in an order for more. It was like reps of a gym set except the absolute worst pain based version.

Around 6pm, my partner advocated aggressively as my pain was only receding to a 8 or 9 and I could no longer nap or drink water due to the pain. My muscles were so clenched I tore my paper gown. The nurse (who had seen all of this go down and was b attentive) recommended to the dr that I receive straight oxycodeine via IV. My doctor, who saw me once when i was transfered which consisted of introducing himself, said I didn't need such a strong medicine and I should take tramadol instead.

The tramadol had almost no effect, and I was then told I couldn't have the oxy because I had gotten the tramadol instead. By 630 I was at a 10 and screaming again. The dr ordered a lidocaine patch (no effect).

At 655 a new dr replaced the previous and immediately ordered dilaudid. My pain finally dropped to a 5.

At 830pm guess who fuckin shows up in my room. Dr Yan, who's like "you don't seem in pain" SIR I HAD SO MANY DRUGS INSIDE ME AND I WSS STILL AT A 5. And I needed two people to get me to the bathroom (5 ft away). He shows me a picture of the biggest mass, says I'm fine, offers no explanation for why he fucked me over so badly, and leaves. I should have demanded information but my throat hurt from crying and screaming and I had only slept 2 hrs in the previous 2 days.

The recovery nurse apologized profusely to me and said she believed he had been grossly negligent. The anaesthesiologist came and told me my body eats painkillers and anesthesia with a strong natural tolerance, and that some of the refusal to give more or stronger dosages was probably because doctors basically read charts, and would see that I had been administered a lot already. They would then decide that was enough based on what they believed to be averagely appropriate. Even tho I have it documented from his hospice ICU care notes that my dad had a similar tolerance. The recovery nurse agreed as she had been observing me, administering the meds, and see my-clearly-caused -by -pain symptoms continue.

The night nurses and doctors have been better. I got some more morphine just now, and a sleep aid that didn't work but I appreciate they tried to address that issue.

Anyway jeez if you read everything you deserve a medal. My memory has been very poor due to drugs and pain so I've been trying to work out a timeline of what happened. I know it's kind of a baby thing because no one attacked me and I don't seem to have surgical complications and after all this the hospital is sending me home with opiates, but I feel kinda shell shocked. It felt crazy to be lying in the hospital screaming in pain for hours and hours just for someone to come in every hour and say their hands were tied even tho the hospital is the only place for strong pain relief that isnt like, street fet. I removed an organ, I knew it would hurt, but I've never in my life experienced anything like that. It was worse than all other pain I've had combined. I thought i was going to die.

Anyway the nurse is giving me Ativan! I hope to rest now. Cross your fingers for me and stay away from DR YUAN DA FAN OBGYN SUTTER HEALTH SAN FRANCISCO.