#and i’m sure i’ve forgotten some potentially injurious situations or actual injuries so. oops.

[aardvaark]

i think parker’s near-invulnerability to injury must get on eliot’s nerves - as in, he simply wants to protect his team members, but it’s impossible to gauge what can actually harm parker and what requires his help. i bet he’d have some notes like:

[the snow job] she fell two storeys, onto me. claims she did not need her fall broken. no signs of pain/injury (on her. i, meanwhile, got a decently sized bruise from her elbow jabbing right into me).

[the three days of the monica hunter job] hit by car (on purpose, but hit kinda hard), entirely unaffected. mainly complained about being bitten by ants while playing dead.

[the jailhouse job] claimed she could crawl through a steam vent at 150 degrees?? and that it would take her less than 27 seconds?? maybe she just doesn’t understand steam vents…

[the san lorenzo job] CRAWLED THEOUGH A FUCKIJG STEAM VENT

[the hot potato job] stood in a literal freezer room for more than the maximum time she logically should be able to, didn’t get frostbite or hypothermia etc. additionally, no burns despite her jacket being scorched. ability to withstand extreme temperature appears to work in both directions.

[the gimme a k street job] believes most people can "walk off" a 20ft fall, was unaware that some people are afraid of falling.

[the broken wing job] fell from 45th floor (scaffolding collapse), only tore ACL + minor scrapes and bruises. most serious resulting injury was almost giving ME a goddamn heart attack.

concluding notes: i. give up.