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#and i was like....how do i do that? there's no dog here to speak about
retiredteabag · 2 days
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soft Toji dog-sitting for a generous!reader
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pt. 1 - pt. 2 - pt. 3 - pt. 4 - pt. 5 - pt. 6
cw for this chapter: discussion of assault (reader)
synopsis: Toji was quite accustomed to objectifying himself for a check. And to be frank, far worse actions as well. Now he’s not sure what to do with himself after meeting the kind and generous owner of the dog he pet-sits for.
read along as Toji grows more comfortable around you despite his past.
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Try as he might, Toji could not escape the sounds of your frightened voice from the night prior. He slept horribly, tossing from his side to his back only to stare up at your ceiling fan. When he finally got up, he busied himself with cleaning the house before your return.
You had told him not to worry about staying past the afternoon, that you expected to be back in time to feed the dog, but Toji insisted on staying. He wanted to see you. More importantly, he wanted to speak to you. There were several things he would have liked to have spoken about, but the one thing weighing on his mind was what had happened the night prior.
Your desperate apologies, your wavering voice. All of it felt so disconcerting.
So Toji stayed.
He stayed and washed the sheets, stayed and made up the bed, stayed and swept the floors.
He was a decisive man. If he wanted to do something? Consider it done. So why? Why was he second-guessing himself when he heard your car pull up the driveway? Why did his heart pound as if he was in some kind of danger? Why did he find himself pacing, looking for something to occupy himself with? All so he didn't seem like he was waiting for you.
But he was, he was waiting for you.
A pause permeated the foyer and kitchen when he heard you open the door and for a moment his throat felt tight, you hadn't seen him yet. His grip on the rag he was "washing dishes" with tightened. He heard a light gasp and spun around. Finally.
"Toji! I didn't realize you were here, I didn't see your car." You spun around to peek out the window, Toji dropped the towel and moved to the island. Closer to you. To observe you. You looked fine.
"Glad you made it back. He's been waiting for you." Toji pointed to the dog that was currently bounding around you in a show of tender love.
You kneeled down and scratched the dog's neck. "Thank you so much for watching him, I know how much he loved your company, but, Toji, how did you get here?"
He smiles, "Took the bus, needed gas." He didn't, he just wanted an excuse to stay. But by the look on your face, this was clearly the wrong response.
"Oh, my- Toji! Oh! You should have said, I would pay for your gas!" You had shot up at his statement and were looking at him with embarrassed disappointment.
"Oh please" He rolled his eyes, "You're plenty generous enough."
"I don't want you riding the bus at night, I'll give you a ride, or I can order you an Uber, like before."
Toji was thinking fast, why were you so keen on his leaving? Was it because you were uncomfortable? Or did you feel like it was a burden for him to stay? Whatever the answer, he was still caught up on the fact that you didn't want him riding the bus. How silly, to worry about his safety.
"Nah, it's no problem, I was staying here regardless." He shrugged.
"Was everything alright? Did you have everything you needed?" You smile at him and he eases a breath, okay, no more talk of leaving.
"Everything and then some. You've got a real nice place." He took a step closer to scratch the dog's ear. "Good trip?"
He didn't want to push. He wouldn't. But he couldn't help the curiosity. Especially when he watched your face falling at his question.
"Oh... yes, well" You sighed, shrugged, and avoided eye contact. "Work, you know."
"So..... not a good time." Toji tried for a tone of joviality but your eyes did not brighten.
"No. Wish I could've been here." You spoke so quietly that he could barely hear. He was worried that, within a moment, you would call him a cab, or usher him to your BMW. This was it.
Toji had been hungry for information since your text. It was for no reason other than his experience with law enforcement that he stayed up last night. Thinking about what type of situation you were in.
"Can I ask you a question?" Toji began, your head whipping to his face, nodding slightly, "It's about last night."
He noticed instantly- your eyebrows rose, along with your shoulders. You took a breath in as your chin lifted up. Unaware to you, your arms encircled your torso. You were so easy to read.
You didn't speak though. Toji took the silence once again. "Something happened, while you were away." Not a question, he realized as it came out. Damn, what was he saying? You didn't respond and he scrambled for the right words.
"Did-I mean. Did something happen?" So eloquent.
You sighed, looking at your shoes. Right on cue, your dog whimpered at your feet. "Yeah...' You draw it out, there's humor in your tone. "I didn't want to go on the trip anyway." Sighing, you look up at the ceiling, Toji gets the feeling that you were speaking to yourself.
"Didn't realize you saw a lot of crime in your business." How is it he can hold eye contact so steadily? How is it he can look through to your soul?
"Hmm?" You raise a brow, and then your eyes grow, "Oh! No! No! I don't." He laughs from his chest. The prospect of criminal activity leaves you aghast. "It wasn't a crime! Well..." You begin that mumbling "talking-to-yourself" way of speech, "Not a serious one, I've had problems with him for ages now."
Toji stops. You stop. You said too much.
"Him?" Toji's brows are stitched tightly together. Had he misheard?
"Oh!" You begin, catching his eyes that are glued to you. "It's not serious. If it was I would do something. It's not that!" You huff out, “Not like that…”
But Toji hadn't said anything. He remains silent. Waiting for you to continue. The dog begins to pace. You run a hand through your hair and then wave nonsensically as if to ward off the air around you.
"Who are we talking about." Toji's voice has only once sounded like this. It had sounded this way over the phone that night he carried your dog a mile, drove him to the vet, and silently watched you bandage his hands.
It had sounded like this when he was desperate.
"Aagh!" You shook your head. Dispelling some unhappy thought or memory. "I'm not... really supposed to be speaking about all this. It's been handled." You wave your hands dramatically, making a show of finding the time, you start up again, "Oh goodness, look at the clock, Toji let me get you a ride so you can be home for dinner!"
"I'd like to hear about this actually." He doesn't move. He slowly maneuvers his head to follow your gaze. "Having trouble with a co-worker?"
Toji had his fair share of experiences with unsavory characters in his time working in different industries. They were never too difficult to handle, though.
You laugh painfully, "Unfortunately, yeah, but there's really nothing to do..." Your making "shooing" motions with your hands again, motioning between him and the door.
"That why you didn't wanna go on this trip?" He watches your motion - ignores it.
"Gosh, yes. You know how it goes." Toji hums.
"Police involved?" He watches you. Your hands shiver to a stop, you turn to meet his eyes, suddenly still.
"No." You look at him. "No, it was handled before that."
"But he wasn't fired." His head slants to the left.
"No reason to fire him." You're looking at him differently now. You sound different now. Finite. Tired.
"Well, if police could be involved, there has to be some reason." He looks at you, but you're not speaking. You're not smiling. You're not moving.
"He was the one to make you cry that night." He asks, but it's not a question this time either.
"I think you should go get dinner, Toji." You speak softly, but there is really no room for disagreement allowed.
"There's gotta be something, just tell your boss if you don't wanna work with some dickhead." He's trying to help, he is, but it's coming out all wrong. He doesn't know the situation, and he's never had a real job before, he doesn't know - that even though your position is one of power - although you are high up in a huge conglomerate - although you have a million opportunities in front of you that he's never been offered - although you make real, honest money - some of the most evil people are in those positions as well.
And things that, he, a killer, a prostitute, a gambler, a criminal, could never imagine even in his most dark moments, go on, under the veil of the shiny "opulence" so easily desired.
"He's not just a colleague, Toji." Your sentences are chopped as they leave your lips. Toji realized suddenly that the only reason you're speaking now is because he has obviously made you upset. "He's a stakeholder's son. And everyone loves him. Trust me. I've reported him before. But nothing comes of it. It just." You sigh, detached. "It just makes me look bad. He's popular and charismatic, and everyone thinks he's.... he's the best! So there. He can do what he wants. He can touch who he wants. He can make decisions for everyone else. And there's nothing I can do, actually."
Toji is taken aback, and your dog huffs at your legs, "I'm sorry..." You mutter behind your hands. Likely embarrassed at your lengthy diatribe. But Toji takes no notice of your apology.
"He touched you?" There is something new now, something Toji does understand, and this, this will not happen again, he is sure of it.
"Just briefly. And he was drunk. So what does it matter." Your hands remain in front of your face. A grievously aggravated tone in your voice for the first time.
"It matters all the same. It matters- it matters-" Toji is racing for the right thing to say but he’s never been good with words.
He has experienced being touched when he did not like it. He had experienced allowing somethings to happen for a dollar. But he had never been in the position of being attacked. He had never been the weaker of two people. But you, he cannot image such a feeling. Such a feeling being completely uncontrolled.
And suddenly he's remembering your texts, your jittery voice, your apologies and he wants to puke.
"Why not go to the police. Something must be done. Y/n, please."
"I can't." He bends down to see your sunken face, trying to spot any tears. "What if nothing happens? What if I make a fool of myself? What if- Toji, what if I lose my job?"
Seeing now, the darkness within what he believed to be grandeur, he wonders if you are really any better off than he.
"You won't. Y/n- I, I can do it. I can get this... handled." His mind is flooded with memories, a man, someone who worked for his handler, he was good with technology, good with blackmail. His thoughts were interrupted by a chuckle.
"No-Toji, that can't happen. It just... I don't think that's possible. I'm just." You heave a breath, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said a thing. I think I'm just tired. It's okay."
"No." He's shaking his head. Slow. But you don't hear him. You've closed him off. You've resigned yourself and he wonders, sickeningly, how long you have been resigned for.
That night grew dark faster than either of you knew. You had told him not to think about it. You told him to let it go. But that night, reminded of a similar evening he spent in a car that was paid to bring him back to his apartment. He considered the situation.
When he climbed his way into his dark apartment, he did not hesitate. Measured steps brought him to the ventilation above the stove in his kitchen. He reached up, grabbed the flip phone found there, a burner he knew remained.
He didn't even mull it over before he sent the text.
"Need a favor. Call me."
And he didn't sleep that night until he'd been back in contact with the man he thought he was done working with for good.
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simplygojo · 5 hours
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Gettin' A Full Service
Author's Note: Y'all I'm so sorry im nothin but a nasty dog bc no way this is 4.3k 💀. ANYWHO this smutty fic idea came to me when seeing the art used as the cover for this by @actuallyvalerie (original art is linked here), I just couldn't help myself from writing this...heh. Hope you enjoy!
Requests are open! Please read the Request Guidelines before submitting a request <33
Pairing: Mechanic!Toji Fushiguro x f!reader
Word Count: 4.3k (im a nasty dog y'all...)
Warnings: 18+ content, SMUT!, oral (f receiving), intercourse, choking, pet names, mndi
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^^ art by @actuallyvalerie
The low rumble of engines filled the air as you stepped into the garage, the familiar scents of motor oil and gasoline swirling around you. Your heartbeat quickened the moment you caught sight of him—Toji Fushiguro. 
He was bent over the hood of his car, focused on something behind the propped-up hood.
The muscles in his broad back flexed as he worked, his white tank top clinging to his sweat-slicked skin. His strong arms glistened with a light sheen of sweat, smudged with streaks of oil that only added to the raw masculinity he exuded. 
A dark smear ran along his sharp jawline, the grease contrasting with his striking, rugged features. The late afternoon sun filters through the wide windows of Toji’s garage, casting long shadows across the floor as you lean against the doorframe, watching him work. 
His muscles flexed as he tightened a bolt with practiced ease. His black hair falls into his eyes, and he grunts, annoyed, pushing it back with his forearm before continuing.
You can’t help but smile at the sight. Toji, focused and in his element, and it was really turning you on…
The way he concentrated on the task at hand, brow furrowed and lips slightly parted as he grunted with effort, was enough to send heat coursing through you. Each twist of the wrench, every subtle shift of his frame, seemed to radiate raw masculinity, igniting a spark of desire deep within you.
Your pulse quickened, and you felt a warmth pooling in your core, drawn in by the mix of confidence and sheer masculinity he exuded.
Toji, sensing your gaze, glances over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “You gonna stand there all day or actually say something?” His voice is teasing, rough around the edges, but there’s that familiar smirk tugging at his lips, the one that makes your heart skip a beat.
You push off the doorframe and walk over, hands in your pockets, pretending to study the car (like you gave a damn) as if you understand half of what he’s doing. 
“Just admiring the view,” you reply with a grin, leaning against the workbench. “You sure know how to make fixing a car look… good.”
Toji snorts, wiping the grease from his hands onto a rag before tossing it aside. “Yeah? Well, don’t get used to it. Not many people get a free show.”
You roll your eyes at his usual bravado but can’t deny that there’s something captivating about him. He straightens up, towering over you with that smug grin still firmly in place. “What, you just came here to stare?”
You shrug, deciding to play along. “Maybe. Can’t blame me, right? You’re good at what you do.”
His smirk widens, and he steps closer, towering over you now. There’s an intensity in his gaze, but it’s softened by the playful glint in his eyes. “You saying I should charge for it?”
You laugh, lightly shoving him. “Please, you’d drive everyone away with that attitude.”
He chuckles, leaning back against the car, crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Probably. But you’re still here, so I must be doing something right.”
You look up at him, biting back a smile. “Guess I’m the lucky one, huh?”
Toji’s eyes narrow playfully, but there’s a warmth in his gaze that wasn’t there before. “Damn right.”
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the sounds of the garage filling the space once again. 
After a moment, you speak again, your voice softer. “Need any help?”
Toji glances at you, the corner of his mouth twitching. “You offering?”
You shrug, moving closer to inspect the tools scattered on the workbench. “Maybe. I’m not exactly a mechanic, but I can hold a wrench.”
He snorts, amused, and hands you a tool.
“Don’t hurt yourself. That’s my job.”
You take it, rolling your eyes at his comment. But as you stand next to him, following his instructions and working together on the car, there’s a quiet contentment in the air. 
You grip the wrench, watching Toji’s hands as he guides yours to the right bolt. His touch is firm, steady, sparking a heat between your thighs. His body is so close to yours that you felt the warmth radiating off him. 
You try to focus on the task at hand, but with Toji standing over you, the subtle scent of engine oil mixed with his cologne makes your heart race, and it's hard to concentrate.
"Like this?" You ask, adjusting the wrench in your hand, trying to distract yourself from your dirty thoughts.
Toji’s lips twitch into a smirk as he leans in closer, his breath warm against your ear.
"Tighten it, don’t baby it, baby." 
You roll your eyes but smile despite yourself. You give the wrench another turn, putting more effort into it this time.
"There. Happy?" You ask, looking up at him.
Toji’s gaze flickers down to meet yours, and for a moment, the air between you seems to thicken. 
His eyes darken, a hint of something playful yet dangerous lurking in them.
He doesn’t pull away. Instead, he leans in even closer, so close you can feel the brush of his arm against yours.
"Not bad," he murmurs, his voice low. His big arms reached over you and tightened the bolt even more, just showing off his strength. "Maybe you’re not as useless around here as I thought."
You narrow your eyes at him, though there’s no real annoyance in your expression. "Oh, please. I’m the best help you’ve ever had."
Toji’s grin widens, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Big words for someone who didn’t even know where the wrench was five minutes ago."
You open your mouth to retort, but before you can, he reaches past you to grab another tool, his arm brushing against your side. 
He doesn’t move away, staying so close that your shoulders are practically touching. It’s deliberate—you can tell by the smug look on his face.
Your heart skips a beat, but you don’t back down. Instead, you let your own smile grow, deciding to meet his teasing head-on.
"Maybe I don’t know cars, but I know you like showing off. How long did it take you to fix that last engine again? Two hours?"
Toji lets out a low chuckle, clearly enjoying your banter. "Two hours, and it was perfect. Don’t forget that part."
You tilt your head, raising an eyebrow. "Perfect, huh? Or just barely passable?"
He narrows his eyes at you, though there’s a playful edge in his gaze.
"Careful. You’re gonna talk yourself out of a favour if you keep that up."
"Oh? What favour?" you ask, leaning against the car now, your arms crossed, fully enjoying the back-and-forth.
Toji leans down, bringing his face closer to yours, his grin shifting into something more dangerous, more tempting. "The one where I let you stick around here. Don’t think I’ll keep you around for free."
Your breath hitches slightly, but you don’t let it show. Instead, you match his energy, pushing back without missing a beat.
"Oh, so you’re saying I have to work to earn my keep? What’s the price, then? More wrench-holding?"
He chuckles again, the sound deep and rich, vibrating through the air between you. 
His eyes lock onto yours, and for a moment, the teasing fades into something heavier, something that lingers in the charged space between your bodies. 
He’s close enough now that you can see the flecks of green in his eyes, close enough that you can feel the warmth rolling off him.
"Nah," Toji says, his voice dropping an octave, turning more serious but still holding that playful tone.
"I’ve got enough wrenches. I’m thinkin’ of something a little more… personal."
You can feel your pulse quicken, but you don’t look away. "Oh? Like what?"
He leans in, just barely brushing his lips against your ear.
"Guess you’ll just have to stick around to find out."
For a second, the world seems to slow down, your senses overwhelmed by the proximity of him, the way his voice sends shivers down your spine. 
But before you can say anything, Toji pulls back, the smirk returning to his face as he casually grabs another tool and turns back to the car, as if nothing just happened.
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, your heart still pounding in your chest.
Toji always knows exactly how to push your buttons, how to get under your skin in a way that leaves you wanting more.
“Tease,” you mutter under your breath, shaking your head with a smile.
Toji glances over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth quirking up.
“I’m not teasing this time, I’m just busy. Like I said, stick around...”
His voice was low, almost serious, but that playful gleam in his eyes hasn’t faded. 
He gives you a wink, and something about the way he says it sends a shiver down your spine.
You open your mouth to reply, but words seem to get stuck in your throat. The way he’s looking at you right now—like you’re the only thing in the room worth paying attention to—makes your pulse quicken. 
The air between you feels heavy, charged with an energy you can’t quite name.
Toji watches your reaction closely, his grin fading into something softer, more intense. He drops the tool he was holding onto the workbench and turns fully toward you, wiping his hands on the rag before tossing it aside.
“You really think I’m just messin’ with you?”
Your breath catches as he steps closer, closing the already small distance between you. His presence is overwhelming—tall, broad, and carrying that rough, irresistible confidence he always seems to have. 
But this time, there’s something else in the way he looks at you, something different. His teasing smirk is gone, replaced by a look that makes your heart race.
“Toji…” you start, but you’re not even sure what you want to say.
He reaches out, his fingers brushing lightly against your chin, tilting your face up so that you’re forced to meet his eyes. The touch is surprisingly gentle, almost tender.
“I’m serious,” he says quietly, his voice low and rough around the edges. “You think I haven’t noticed? The way you look at me, the way you linger around here like you’re waitin’ for something to happen.”
Your cheeks burn at his words, and you’re not sure if it’s from embarrassment or anticipation.
Maybe both.
But before you can respond, Toji’s hand slips from your chin, moving to rest against the side of your neck, his thumb brushing against your skin. The touch sends a jolt of electricity through you.
“I’ve been holding back,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse, like he’s been keeping this confession locked away for too long.
The dark, dangerous edge in his tone sends a shiver down your spine. His grip on you tightens slightly, a subtle indication of just how much control he’s been forcing himself to maintain.
You’re painfully aware of how close he is now—his broad frame nearly eclipsing yours, his body radiating a heat that makes it harder to breathe. The faint scents of oil and metal lingers in the air, mixing with something distinctly him. It’s intoxicating.
“M’didn’t wanna push too far, but... maybe I’ve been waitin' for you to give me the green light.” His words hang in the air, a challenge wrapped in velvet. It’s like a line drawn in the sand, daring you to cross it.
Your heart pounds, adrenaline coursing through your veins. Every inch of you is hyper-aware of Toji—the way his hand lingers on your neck, the way his gaze seems to devour you. You want this. God, you want this.
“What if I gave you that green light right now?” The words leave your lips before you can fully process them, but there’s no hesitation, no second-guessing.
For a fleeting moment, Toji’s pupils dilate, his eyes narrowing with something primal, something dangerous. The smirk that spreads across his face is no longer playful—it’s predatory.
“Then I wouldn’t waste any more time.”
Before you can draw another breath, his mouth crashes down on yours, and it’s like a dam breaking—everything he’s been holding back unleashed in one searing, possessive kiss.
His hands move from your throat to your waist, pulling you against him so fiercely that your feet nearly leave the ground.
There’s nothing gentle about the way he kisses you. His lips are demanding, rough, as if he’s staking a claim.
You can feel the pent-up tension in every movement—the way his teeth graze your lower lip, the way his hands grip your hips like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he loosens his hold.
Your hands move instinctively to his hair, fingers tangling in the dark strands, pulling him even closer.
You match his intensity, giving in to the heat that’s been simmering between you both for far too long. Every brush of his lips, every press of his body against yours ignites a fire low in your belly, making you ache for more.
Toji pulls back for just a moment, his lips hovering dangerously close to yours as he catches his breath. His eyes, hooded and dark, search yours as if looking for any trace of hesitation. But there is none.
“You sure you’re ready for this?” His voice is low, rumbling with barely restrained need.
Your answer comes not in words but in the way you tug him back to you, pressing your lips to his once more, harder this time, as if you’re trying to tell him with your body what your words can’t quite express.
Toji groans softly, the sound vibrating against your mouth as his hands begin to explore, sliding under the hem of your shirt.
His touch is scorching, sending jolts of electricity through your skin. 
There’s an urgency now, a desperation in the way his hands roam your body, as if he’s trying to memorize every inch of you. 
Your back hits the cold metal of his car behind you, the chill momentarily cutting through the heat between you, but it only seems to heighten the tension. 
Toji’s hands are firm on your waist, holding you in place against the cool surface, his body pressed against yours in a way that has your pulse racing.
He breaks the kiss, breathing heavily, his eyes smouldering with an intensity that makes your stomach flip. The darkness in his gaze has only grown deeper, and when he speaks, his voice is rough, husky, full of raw need.
“I’ve been patient,” he mutters, his thumb brushing over the sensitive skin just above the waistband of your jeans. “But you don’t want me to hold back anymore, do you?”
The way he says it, the low growl in his voice, sends a wave of heat straight to your throbbing pussy. 
You can only manage a small shake of your head, your throat too tight to form any words.
His lips twist into a smirk, something predatory glinting in his eyes as he steps back just enough to grab you by the waist and hoist you effortlessly onto the hood of the car behind you. 
He quickly unbuttoned your jeans, sliding them off your legs, letting his hands roam your skin.
The cold metal beneath you contrasts sharply with the warmth of his body as he steps between your legs, spreading them open with a firm grip on your thighs.
“You’ve been teasing me, y’know that?” he growls, his voice low and dangerous as his hands trace the outline of your hips, fingers brushing the edge of your panties.
“You comin’ in here wearing these tight jeans, given’ me those looks.”
Before you can respond, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your panties and, with one sharp tug, the fabric tears apart in his hands. 
The sound of it—quick and final—echoes in the small garage, and the cool air hits your skin, making you gasp.
Toji’s eyes darken as he looks down at you, his gaze hungry and unrestrained. He licks his lips, the smirk from earlier gone, replaced with something far more serious.
“Look at you,” he murmurs, his hands sliding up your inner thighs, rough fingers brushing the sensitive skin as he leans down, bringing his face closer to your dripping cunt. His breath ghosts over your exposed skin, sending a shiver down your spine.
“Such a pretty sight.”
He pauses for a second, his thumb brushing dangerously close to your center, teasing, but not yet giving you the touch you desperately need. You squeeze your eyes shut, your head falling back with pleasure.  
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do this.”
Then, with a slow, deliberate movement, he lets his thumb slide over your slick folds, testing your reaction, watching the way your body responds under his touch. The anticipation, the raw hunger in his gaze, it’s all too much, and you let out a desperate moan. 
Your breath hitches as Toji's thumb slides teasingly through your folds, his touch both rough and deliberate.
You try to bite back the groan threatening to escape your lips, but the way his eyes flicker up to meet yours tells you he notices everything.
“Don’t hold back now,” he rasps, his voice gravelly, sending shivers down your spine.
“I wanna hear every pretty sound you make.”
Before you can react, he dips his head between your thighs, and the warmth of his breath against your sensitive skin makes your body tremble. His hands grip your thighs firmly, keeping you in place, as his tongue traces a slow, agonizing path over your slick heat.
Your gasp echoes through the garage, head falling back against the hood of his car as pleasure surges through you. 
You feel Toji’s lips curl into a smirk against you, clearly enjoying the way your body reacts to his touch. 
He doesn’t hold back—his tongue flicks, swirls, and sucks, each movement precise and calculated, as though he’s savouring every moment of this.
“Fuck, Toji—” you gasp, your hands instinctively flying to his hair, tugging at the dark strands as the heat builds inside you.
Toji growls in response, the vibrations of his voice against your pussy sending waves of pleasure through you, making your thighs shake. 
He dives in deeper, his mouth working relentlessly, tasting every inch of you, each flick of his tongue pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
The sensation is overwhelming—his lips, his tongue, the way his fingers dig into your thighs, holding you open for him, like you’re his to devour. 
It’s too much and not enough all at once. Every brush of his mouth over your clit sends electricity shooting through your body, and leaves you whining for more.
Your hips buck instinctively, seeking more, needing more of the pleasure he’s giving you.
Toji chuckles, dark and amused, his voice muffled as he continues to work you with his mouth. “So needy,” he murmurs, his voice like velvet against your heated skin. “I like that.”
It’s like he knows exactly how to unravel you, like he’s been waiting for this moment, studying you, learning your body, just so he could do this—just so he could make you fall apart beneath him.
“Toji—m' gonna cum,” you choke out, your voice barely a whisper, but he knows what you need. 
He speeds up, his mouth and fingers working in tandem, the relentless pace driving you higher and higher, until the world falls away and all that’s left is him, his touch, and the pleasure that crashes over you in waves.
You cry out as your orgasm rips through you, your thighs clamping around his head as your body shakes with the intensity of it. 
But Toji doesn't let up, continuing to lap at you, drawing out your pleasure until you're trembling from the aftershocks.
Finally, he pulls back, his lips and chin glistening as he looks up at you with a satisfied grin, eyes dark with lust. He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, standing back up, towering over you once again.
“Come here, pretty girl,” he rasps, his voice a low growl that sends another wave of heat through your body.
Before you can catch your breath, his large hand slides behind your neck, gripping it firmly, but not harshly. 
He lifts you from your position on the car, pulling you up until you’re sitting in front of him, your legs dangling off the edge of the hood. His hand lingers at your neck, his thumb brushing against your pulse, feeling the rapid beat of your heart.
Your body is still humming with the afterglow of your orgasm, but when you glance down and see Toji’s other hand move to the waistband of his pants, your breath hitches again. 
He keeps his eyes locked on yours as he unbuttons them slowly, deliberately, the tension between you thickening once more.
Toji's eyes gleamed with that dark hunger as his grip on your neck tightened just a fraction, enough to remind you who was in control. His free hand moved to the back of your thigh, pulling you forward on the car until you could feel the heat of him between your legs.
“Look at you,” he growled, his voice low and rough as his hand caressed the curve of your hip, dragging you closer to him.
“So pretty, all spread out for me.”
Your breath caught as you felt the tip of him brush against your entrance, your entire body already aching for him, needing more. You leaned into his grip on your neck, your pulse racing beneath his fingers as you whispered,
“Please, Toji…”
He chuckled darkly at the desperation in your voice, his grin widening as he pressed himself just a little harder against you, teasing you.
“Please what, baby? You gotta use your words.”
You squirmed under his grip, your body screaming for more contact, for him to stop teasing.
“God Toji—I want y’to fuck me,” you said in frustration, your voice barely audible as your body begged for him.
“Good girl.” His voice was a low, approving growl as he finally lined himself up with you, his voice sent another wave of heat to your aching pussy. Without another word, he pulled you forward, thrusting into you in one swift motion.
The sudden stretch had you gasping, eyes wide as your walls adjusted to his size, the feeling of him filling you completely was overwhelming.
Toji groaned, his grip on your neck tightening as he stilled inside you, savouring the feeling for just a moment. You grabbed his shoulders, nails digging into his skin.
“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he muttered through clenched teeth, his eyes locked on yours as each thrust sent a shockwave of pleasure through your body.
Your hands instinctively reached for him, fingers tangling in his dark hair as you clung to him, every nerve in your body on fire. Toji’s lips curled into a smug grin at the way you responded to him, the way your body seemed to melt under his touch.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?” He rasped, his breath hot against your ear as he leaned in closer while maintaining his rough pace. His grip on your neck shifted to pull your head back slightly. 
“Tell me how good it feels.”
“It’s so good,” you moaned, your voice trembling as he began to pick up the pace, the force of his thrusts making the car creak beneath you. 
Every movement pushed you higher, the pressure building inside you all over again as Toji took you apart piece by piece.
Toji’s pace became relentless, each thrust hitting deeper, harder, and your body was a live wire, every nerve tingling under his touch. The pressure inside you built impossibly fast, the pleasure coiling tight in your core, threatening to snap.
“Toji—" you whimpered, barely able to form words as he drove into you, your body quivering beneath him. 
Hot tears pricked at your eyes from the overstimulation you felt—never ever had anyone fucked you like this.
He groaned at the sound of your voice, his lips brushing against your ear.
"That’s it, pretty girl. Cum f’me," he rasped, his hand tightening around your neck just enough to send a thrill through you.
The roughness of his voice, the commanding way he held you—it pushed you over the edge. 
Your body tensed, the world spinning as your orgasm ripped through you with a force that left you gasping, your walls clenching tightly around him as wave after wave of pleasure coursing through your veins.
You cried out his name followed by a pornographic moan, legs trembling, your nails digging into his shoulders as you rode the intensity of it, your whole body shaking as the pleasure overtook you. 
Toji’s hand slipped from your neck, sliding down to your waist as he kept moving, working you through the aftershocks as your body convulsed beneath him.
“There you go,” he growled, his voice thick with satisfaction, his hips slowing as he watched the way you writhed under him, completely lost in the ecstasy he’d given you.
Panting and spent, your body collapsed back against the car, your chest heaving as the last waves of your orgasm rolled through you.
Toji’s eyes gleamed with pride as he pulled out, his hands still possessively resting on your hips.
"You look so damn pretty when you cum," he murmured, leaning down to press a rough kiss against your lips, your body still tingling from the intensity of it all.
You were utterly spent, trembling in the aftermath, but as Toji’s lips curled into that familiar smirk, you knew...
He wasn’t done with you yet.
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inkdrinkerworld · 1 day
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Cw: brief mention of past childhood abuse/trauma, talk of not being good parents. This is representation for the girlies (gn) that are unsure about being parents/know they don’t want kids! You’re perfect and valid
Sirius Black x fem!reader (one use of girl at the end there)
“I don’t think I’d want to have kids.” You say to Sirius as you lay beside him, your head on his shoulder as he tickles your back.
It’s an abrupt confession seeing as neither of you had been talking about that, but Sirius just hums.
“Any reason why, poppet?” His voice is even. To be truthful, Sirius goes back and forth with the idea too.
You take a while to elaborate; “I think having to help raise my siblings, and then dealing with all of that stress and having to correct my brother’s actions and all of that,” you take a breath. “I think it took it out of me. I also really don’t want to screw up a kid.”
Sirius nods, a kiss to your cheek. He feels you inhale against his hand and waits for you to speak again, “Would that make our relationship harder? Would it be a deal breaker?”
He pulls back to get a good look at you. “Because you don’t want babies?” When you nod, Sirius shakes his head. “No, doll. I don’t think I want kids either, but especially so if you don’t want them.”
“Don’t say that just to agree with me, Siri.” You sigh and Sirius copies you.
“I’m not. I go back and forth with it just as you do. Most days I’m leaning towards it just being me and you.” His voice is too raw and earnest for you to doubt him.
You breathe out long, “I just,” you pause, picking your words. “We’ve both had shitty childhoods, I don’t know if we’d be good parents. No one can be perfect and I don’t want to fuck up a kid that didn’t have the choice of being here; I know that much for certain.”
“I think that’s a good thing to know, babe. We aren’t what happened to us and while we’re better now, we can’t predict how we’ll be despite our best efforts with our own kids, you’re right. I wouldn’t want to fuck them up either.”
They fall when you say, “Does that make me a bad person? That I wouldn’t risk it because raising my siblings was like me having kids already and really don’t want to fuck them up like we were?”
He doesn’t like that this has been troubling you. Sirius knows you better than anyone else on planet earth and he knows for you to cry like this means you’ve thought about this a lot.
He hates that you’ve been tormenting yourself over not wanting kids for so long.
Sirius pulls you closer when your tears turn to sobs, his arms firm weight around your back as he kisses your eyes. Salty tears pass through the seam of his lips.
“That doesn’t make you a bad person, poppet. That makes you a good person actually. We can keep our family just like this. Me, you, the birds you feed in the yard and maybe a dog later down the road.”
“And a cat,” you say all sniffly and Sirius wrinkles his nose.
“If you really want a cat, I’ll get you a cat. Just no more thinking it’s wrong to not want kids.” You nod, content to let Sirius pet you as your cries slow.
“You’ll still love me the most right?” He laughs, tilting your chin up and kissing your lips.
“I love you best, silly girl. Always will, even if we had kids.” You slap his chest and Sirius shrugs. “Maybe that’s how I know I’m not cut out, I don’t think I could put someone over you.” He laughs suddenly. “Fuck that’s sounds horrid.”
You wiggle onto his chest, kissing the constellation he got for you. “Doesn’t sound horrid. Dunno if I could handle not being top of your love list.” You say teasingly and Sirius smiles, all pleased that even with your red nose and slightly puffy eyes you’re okay.
Pride blooms in his chest as it does every time he assuages your worries. “Well, you never have to worry, poppet. Now gimme a kiss and let’s finish this episode of Bake Off.”
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blessedbygookim · 2 days
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The Queen Of Busan.
Part one: the meeting.
Part two: defeated.
Part three: forgiveness.
Here it is, the final part. I prolonged this for so long it’s unbelievable. I hope it’s good enough. 🫶🏻
Just an FYI, the quote at the end is an existing one, I felt like it fit into the story.
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Three whole years have passed since then.
They're both nineteen now, going on twenty.
Three sets of summers, winters, springs and falls, and since then many things have happened.
They got trained by Tom Lee, getting stronger than they were before. The Four Crews were up and running. Big Deal is still under Jake Kim's excellent leadership, the Workers are led by Eugene, Hostel by Eli Jang, and the one and only God Dog, Johan Seong.
In the meantime both Gun and Goo did their own things on the sidelines. Goo collecting Secret Friends, and Gun finding a potential successor, aka Daniel Park.
One thing still hasn't changed. Since everything that has perspired with Nova three years ago in Busan, they haven't stepped a foot in the city ever since.
As several years go by, Gun, though he has grown in strength and ability, still feels that lingering sense of fear at the thought of being overpowered so easily and utterly. Every now and then, his mind drifts back to that day... wondering how she is doing.
Not for the sole reason that he cares oh so much about anyone else other than himself, he was just...curious.
He was doing well for himself now, but the memory still lingered... no, it gnawed at him. He felt like him calling himself the greatest and strongest was nothing now but a painful mockery of him trying to mask the undeniable truth with delusions.
Also, the act of seeking vengeance lingered on his mind.
Lingered, but never solidified.
Why should he...? Would the outcome be different? He did get stronger, so did Joongoo since they have fought in the meantime but... it still wasn't something he was willing to fuck around with and find out.
More so because deep down he knows it would be futile.
Since logically speaking; if they themselves got stronger, who's to say something along those lines hasn't happened to her? If she was so strong three years ago, who knows what kind of power she has transcended above since then? It was a little gut wrenching.
But that's not the only thing that makes it gut wrenching for him. The fact that the both of them still fear her so much even though they're so much stronger, that feeling of dread is what really gets him.
It was almost embarrassing how much they feared her.
Scratch that, it is embarassing.
How powerless and small they felt in her presence. Even if they had grown, it didn't mean much when they didn't know just how much stronger she may have become.
Goo still has that piece of blade, still stained with her dried blood on the surface. He didn't know why he kept it, perhaps because it held his biggest insecurity, a secret of their defeat, the only proof of that night.
An additional scar Gun has gained on his back, a long scar right across his spine, which he would rather have than have gotten his eyes plucked out. And, a scar of a once gaping hole right below Goo's collar bone, tainting his once pristine skin.
"I wonder if we should be ballsy enough to seek revenge in the near future..."
Goo ponders out loud as he lays on his luxury couch, counting the bills of the vast sum of money they have collected today, while Gun is smoking a cigarette a few feet away.
He lets out a bitter scoff at his comment, a bitter scoff that's quickly followed by an equally if not more bitter sounding chuckle, that has an almost ironic undertone. He shakes his head at the idea, the thought that they would attempt to get revenge on her being almost laughable to him.
“That woman is a freak of nature. We'd be lucky to get out with our lives... if we didn't end up maimed."
"Yeah... probably..."
Goo responds, letting out a sigh as he stuffs a good amount of bills into his Supreme bill gun.
"How about this? If you're that hellbent on getting revenge, why don't you be the first one to go seek her out? I'll watch from a safe distance... maybe I'll even film some of it to put on Youtube."
As Gun spoke that last sentence, a subtle but malicious chuckle could be heard in his voice, a clear note of mockery and humor present in the way he spoke.
"You're so funny."
Goo deadpans with a roll of his eyes, pulling the trigger of the bill gun. Even the 10000 worth of korean won bills can't suppress his inner turmoil at the moment, which said a lot since he came to love money so much.
"Mhm, yeah, just like I thought."
Gun chuckles again, his eyes narrowing slightly as he gazes at his friend with an amused glint in his eyes.
"Still pissing your pants over that girl from three years ago, huh? Damn. You're a coward."
"Oh fuck you, that's so hypocritical coming from someone who feels the same way!"
He throws back immediately, eyebrows furrowed together in annoyance.
Until his head falls back against the armrest of the couch, a sigh leaving his lips.
"...do you think she also thinks about us till this day?.. I did leave her a pretty hefty stab wound all those years ago..."
Gun can't help but chuckle once again at his comment, a slight malicious glint appearing in his eyes.
"Oh, really? You think she would care about some tiny flesh wound you gave her, that she didn't even bat an eye at? If anything, I bet she doesn't even remember us. You think she'd remember a couple of weaklings she beat in only a minute?"
"This is the first time I'm hearing you call yourself weak in a good while..."
Goo chuckles a little, gathering the bills off of his body.
"She really did shake off a blade piercing right through her... and walked more into it...and stabbed through my body with her own hand... it still haunts me in my dreams."
Goo ponders as he recalls the events, his arm falling beside him off the couch with the bill gun.
"...I feel so pathetic every time I look back on that night. We were utterly defeated. Completely overwhelmed. And then she had the audacity to offer us mercy. It makes my blood burn just thinking about it. Such a pity, such a kindness, aimed at such weak people who couldn't even beat her."
Gun's eyes narrow as he thinks more and more about that night, as the memory continues to flood in and torment him.
Meanwhile the blonde aims his bill gun his way and shoots some bills towards his companion.
"But if you really think about it and put your narcissism aside, she really just defended what she has built up. She was overprotective, and of course didn't let bastards like us take that away from her."
When the bills came flying at him, Gun didn't even look at them as they bounced off his chest and fell onto the floor. He was more focused on Goo, and the way he was attempting to defend that psychopath.
"Defend? You really think she was 'defending'? That was nothing more than a show of domination. Overprotective? Please. Her strength and power is something that should be considered illegal. The fact she had the nerve to offer us mercy afterwards, like we were some pitiful creatures that could be easily squashed, it makes my blood boil when I think of it. Who the hell does she think she is, being so damn generous?"
Gun continues to scoff and chuckle bitterly as he continues to smoke his cigarette, taking slow, deliberate puffs and exhales.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, White Ghost. If you weren't so emotionally detached you would understand her point of view. I do as well even though it's embarrassing to think back to how easily she handled us..."
Goo retorts with an exasperated tone, accidentally dropping the bill gun on his face.
"Ouch..."
"Do you think if she has since found it in her heart to forgive us...? Because if you think about it logically, we just did what Charles instructed us to do without another thought."
Goo suggests, another slight shrug of his shoulders, lips pursed, rubbing his forehead where the gun hit him.
"Forgive us? Hmph, fat chance. Even if she claims to forgive us or whatever bullshit she spouts, she's probably just saying that so we can live in a constant state of paranoia."
Gun pauses, taking another drag from his cigarette.
"I don't know if we should be bold enough to fuck around and find out though..."
Goo mutters out, tossing the bill gun away.
"We've both grown so much since that day, but there's no telling what kind of evolution she went through in the past three years. Last thing I want to do is bring that kind of trauma back upon myself...then again I can't help but be curious."
"Yeah, I agree with you there. Even if we've grown, there's still no damn way to know how strong she could have become, especially with that unnatural durability of hers. I can't believe she humiliated us when I have my Ultra Instinct..."
As he talks, Gun takes yet another drag from his cigarette.
"Do you think me still keeping that blade brings some sort of bad omen to us?"
Goo throws out another question, tearing Gun away from his spiraling train of thoughts.
They have to do something about the trauma and the fear of that whole encounter, if they can't let go of it in any other way, they have to do SOMETHING. Goo can't help himself but wholeheartedly believe it is some sort of bad charm, still having kept that blade of his.
Gun hesitates for a moment before answering, his expression becoming slightly confused, he wasn't one to believe in such things.
Yet-
"Honestly... it sounds stupid, but yeah. It probably does. I mean, just because it's a blade doesn't necessarily mean it's bad luck, but still... the fact that neither of us threw that blade away kind of gives me a bad feeling. It's like a constant physical reminder of that day, like a curse."
He responds back to Goo's question, this was what he had in mind already.
"I think the first step we need to take to get over this and move on from it is to get rid of the blade."
"...but it's a titanium wielded blade..."
Goo pouts once again.
Of course that is his biggest concern.
"Even if we destroy it, both yours and my scar will remain, and so will her pure existence... and who says we won't run into her? She's all over the country anyway, all the time..."
He reasons.
"Yeah, you're right. Even if we destroy the blade, scars don't go away so easily, and the trauma still remains. And the chances of us running into her are very high, too high for my liking..."
Gun sighs out as well, he's growing frustrated at the difficult situation they find themselves in. No matter how hard they try it seems that they'll never be able to forget this memory of her.
"How about this?.."
Goo the blonde exclaims softly, it was like a visible lightbulb went off above his head.
"We stop being pussies, we throw our ego aside, and seek her out to apologize to her face to face."
Silence.
Gun, his face contorts into pure confusion and, disgust.
Goo on the other hand, looks like someone who just invented something miraculos, like water powered engines.
By the slight twitch of Gun's eye, the blonde standing like Superman almost also ended up like said guy who came up with said invention if he didn’t restrain himself.
Erased from the face of the Earth.
"What?.. Are you insane? That has to be the dumbest idea you've ever had in your life. And you have a lot of dumb ideas."
Gun retorts finally, his brow knits together as he stares at Goo with an expression that's a mixture of shock and disbelief. He can't believe the very idea of seeking out Nova, especially doing so to apologize faces-to-face is even being suggested.
Who does this guy think he is?
"Do you seriously think she'd accept our apologies? You really think she'd just forgive us and move on? That sounds like an absolutely moronic idea."
"...at least we can attempt to do so... forgiveness is up to her to be honest..."
Goo shrugs again, voice softening a little as his posture softens with it.
"...and maybe if it works out well, we can gradually start moving on as well."
Now, Gun really had to think this through.
Gamble a little, in ways it would benefit him.
"Tch.... Fine, if you say so. We better hope that she'll listen to us when we try to apologize. I sincerely hope this idea of yours is worth our time..."
Gun relents, knowing that Goo can be quite persuasive at times anyway. He's still highly skeptical, but he trusts Goo and knows that he means well.
If it benefits himself as well of course.
"Alright..."
Goo utters out, falling back on the couch.
"Should we just then... travel to Busan first thing tomorrow and look for her in that same restaurant we met her all those years ago...?"
Gun nods, although still wary about the whole idea.
"Yeah, that's probably the best course of action. Let's take the first flight to Busan tomorrow and see if we can find her. If we're lucky, she might even be in that same restaurant we met her in all those years ago."
He pauses for a moment before continuing, an annoyed look on his face.
"But if it turns out your idea was shit, I will bury you somewhere.."
Tomorrow came faster than usual, perhaps to both their dismay. Neither of the really slept too much, the anxiety was keeping them up wide awake.
"My anxiety is so bad, I couldn't stop taking a shit every hour or so this morning..."
Goo and his usual TMI, accompanied by a huge yawn.
Gun rolls his eyes in annoyance at his excessive information about his bodily functions.
Why did he need to know that.
"Gross. Do you really need to share all that with me? I don't want to hear the details of your bathroom business."
His tone of voice is stern and serious, but the way he speaks suggests that he's not completely mad at him. He's actually a little bit amused by his friend's carefree nature, but he'd never admit it.
He also didn't understand why Joongoo had to wear such an obnoxious looking designer outfit either.
Proof that money can't buy style and taste.
He himself is still wearing the same old black outfit he is usually seen with, the man is nothing if not very consistent. He stares at the blonde's outfit for a bit...
Tacky.
Draws hell of a lot attention to themselves. More than Gun would like.
At first he doesn't say anything while walking down the street.
This man looks like he's going to a fashion show for rich people or something.
Then, he looks at Goo again and decides to break the silence.
"Are you seriously going through this whole ordeal wearing those gaudy clothes?"
He shakes his head in disbelief, his eyes scanning his flashy outfit.
"You look like a walking advertisement for bad taste, you know that?"
"I don't remember asking for your opinion!"
Goo retorts in a childish manner, the same verbal skirmish they usually engage in.
"Also, I need to look good just in case she kills us today. I refuse to die looking raggedy."
"Pfft, as if looking good is gonna save us from death...If she wants us dead, we're dead. And honestly, you'd still look pretty damn raggedy wearing those flashy clothes. They don't exactly scream 'good taste' to me."
"You just have zero taste!"
"Thank God, then."
Not long after arriving at the front of that same restaurant, and the same spot they got their asses whopped all those years ago is nothing more than haunting.
"I think I'm gonna shit myself..."
Goo mutters out with an uncomfortable scowl, earning a disgusted look from his partner.
"What the fuck."
"God, you're ridiculous. How old are you again?"
He mutters under his breath the same time as a loud, nervous gulp coming from his friend.
"Look, let's just get this over with. The faster we apologize, the faster we can get out of here. Even if it doesn't go well, at least we tried."
"... I think Imma throw up..."
Goo responds with some fake gagging noises, being overdramatic as usual.
Gun can't help but to roll his white irises under the sunglasses, and takes a firm hold of Goo's upper arm to drag him into the reception area of the restaurant.
Safe to say the receptionist recognized them in a heartbeat.
Who couldn't?
He gives them a double-take, then a triple take-
There is no such thing as a calm, peaceful day in the life of someone working such field.
Well, this is what he gets paid for so.. he just lets out a sigh.
He already knew what they wanted, they didn't even have to say anything. So, he leads them direrctly to her.
Of course she'd be here today of all days, it was almost like she knew they'd come.
"I think I just shit my pants..."
Comes the uncomfortable sounding mutter from the blonde, and Gun only rolls his eyes again.
What is it with him and his bowel movements today..
"Would you shut up? It's gonna be fine, stop worrying so much. At least wait until we actually speak to her first before you start shitting yourself."
Gun mutters back, equally as uncomfortable but trying to maintain his usual demeanor.
"You're not helping..."
Goo speaks from behind him again, sucking his teeth as they keep walking.
He didn't even bother to utter a response to that this time.
Arriving shortly after at that same table, they both stand with their backs straight. Everything feels the same as of yet, except that they could now feel her overwhelming presence from practically a few feet away, the waiter blocking their view as he talks to her, but they couldn't hear the conversation from the position they were standing in. Gun has an expression of neutrality right now, he refuses to acknowledge the tension and anxiety he's feeling deep down, he's trying to act as calm as he can right now, not like Goo who looked as pale as a ghost as they stood, waiting.
Once the man takes his leave, their brains shut down.
Not even going into just power saving mode, but turns off instead momentarily.
Is it because of how poised she looks?
A simple designer dress suited for the summer weather, heels on. Hair longer, face mixed with soft and sharp features, blended together perfectly. Tattoos adorning her skin, like her cleavage area and neck, different Japanese words, koi fishes and sakura flowers, black and red ink mostly. She sure has matured a lot, just like them.
Grey eyes as fierce as ever if not more when they both make eye contact with her.
The way she sat there was... humbling.
Like an actual Queen.
A ruler. Blessed.
Strong. Confident. Independent.
They feel...small.
Insignificant.
And she's just sitting there, radiating power and authority from every inch of her being.
"Sit down."
Finally, they're brought out from their reverie by her tone.
She sounded just the same... except a little deeper with a slight rasp, but it just made it all the more intimidating.
They can't shake the feeling that it sounded more like a command than an actual plea.
They almost involuntarily swallowed a lump in their throats before finally taking the first few steps, their eyes never leaving her figure as they move closer.
Gun, slowly walks up to her before stopping right beside her table, Goo following in a timid manner like a puppy.
"I... wanted go talk to you."
"He means we would like to speak with you... if you're okay with that-or we can just fuck off right away-!"
Goo begins, starting out with a pretty decent self assurance, but the more he yapped the more it kept going down the drain. Gun shoots Goo a glance that screams 'I will rip you a new one right here and right now if you don't shut up'. Goo doesn't take the hint and ends up being interrupted by her yet again, which really pisses Gun off.
"I said sit down."
This time, her tone is a bit sharper, and she's havig a harder time keeping her patience grounded.
It's safe to say Gun is visibly annoyed with his partner for making the situation even more awkward and bizarre than it already is. He was tempted to kick the blonde in the shins, but he resists the urge because he's trying to keep his cool right now.
At this point, he just decides to keep his mouth shut and take a seat, crossing his arms in front of his chest as Nova addresses the both of them again.
"Why are you here?"
Flat, unamused.
It's as if her having to even ask that question was bothersome and a waste of her time.
For a moment, they don't really make eye contact with her, refusing to meet her piercing gaze, since hers don't falter even for a moment.
It's almost af if they're a mere pawn in her presence. A small, fragile thing in the face of her strenght and dignity.
Gun, opens his mouth to speak.
Yet, his brain feels like it is filled with static, and he's absentmindedly clutcing against his own trousers by his thighs under the table.
For the first time in a while, he feels intimidated.
What feels like an eternity, he gulps, his voice coming out strained and hoarse.
"W-we know it's been a long time since we have seen each other. And what we did back then was completely unacceptable. We acted like ignorant, self-entitled assholes and we didn't think about how you must have felt."
He pauses to take a deep breath, looking at her in the eyes as he continues speaking, words coming out through gritted teeth.
"We would like to ask for your forgiveness."
There it was.
He said it, and feels like throwing up that second in his mouth.
The plea for such was a foreign concept to him. It tasted bitter and spikey in his mouth, almost like lemon.
The words echo out in the silence that follows, and Gun can feel the weight of them like a physical burden. It's as if he's just ripped our his soul and thrown it out in front of her, exposed and vulnerable.
Goo, beside him, looks as if he's about to faint at any moment. There's sweat beading on his forehead, and his face has gone completely pale, like he's just seen a ghost.
It was so embarrassing.
"Ask for forgiveness, huh?..”
She repeats his words, more as a mutter as her smile pulls at one corner of her lips momentarily, looking out of the window beside her, so very amused.
"I'm not God, who could cleanse you of each and every of your sins, be it ones you tainted my life with, or others'. This isn't the right place for such."
Her words flow bluntly, and with a certain tone of assertiveness.
"I wouldn't have expected the two of you to feel any sort of remorse for what had happened three years ago, since neither of you hesitated to try and break my wings, and confiscate them for yourselves. It makes me wonder... are you two really apologizing from the goodness of your hearts and done some self reflection, or just feel uncomfortable about the fact that both of you have been taken down with ease?"
Each word carries a weight that makes both of their stomachs churn, like a twisted dagger being jammed into their gut and slowly twisted.
Essentially, she's calling them out for being selfish narcissists.
It was as if she's reaching into their souls and holding up a mirror to themselves, a reflection of their own ugly, selfish nature.
Gun's gaze turns a bit confused, his expression shifting from neutral to taken aback slightly.
"You have every right to doubt us... But we are being sincere. We have... reflected on our actions, and came to realize just how awful we've been to you. It's no excuse, nor does it undo what we did."
"That's correct. It's a shame your actions are as bland as your personalities."
She lets out a bitter scoff, cutting into the chocolate cake placed by before her.
"If bravery had a face, it certainly wouldn't look like either of yours' right now. "
She points at both of them through muttered words with her fork, chewing on the sugary pastry with.
That... was definitely not on their bingo cards right now.
Not so much of the answer, but the bluntness wrapped around with venom her words carried.
Goo, looks completely taken aback. Looking around for a moment as if in a search for her audacity, while Gun just looks annoyed.
"Our... actions are bland..?"
He clenches his jaw, now feeling irritated.
"The fact that we are sitting here right now, apologizing to you is because we have the balls to do it. You have no idea how hard this is for us."
"Oh look at the two of you, attempting greatness..."
Her hands fly up gently in feigned shock and surprise, tone flat but laced with the thick undertone of sarcasm.
A second after, her hands fall to her side.
"Pity it's just an attempt. If ignorance was a virtue, you'd both be saints by now."
Keeps it plain as ever, tone emotionless as she goes back to her dessert.
"How about this? Let's operate with sense. It is clear neither of you have much, so we will use my own, okay?"
Hostility.
Gun can barely restrain himself, he looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel in his forehead.
Goo? Oh he has now, just checked out, he knows this is just a battle he cannot win.
"You.. since when do you talk to people like that? Do you have any idea how disrespectful you're being right now??"
His tone is terse, absolutely floored by what he's hearing.
It isn't more so of what she's saying, though safe to say her wit is unmatched.. it's just how she's talking to them.
And Gun, ain't nobody can talk to him such way.
Never could, never will.
"You have no right to talk to us like that, you hear me? You're being disrespectful, and you need to shut your damn mouth before I shut it for you."
The threat slips out before he can stop himself, his anger getting the better of him.
“Watch your tone when you're talking to me.”
And Gun, he freezes.
He, has never heard such authoritative words in his life.
Ever.
It cut through all his senses. Practically rumbled like the a stormy night sky.
That moment, he felt like he was standing before a temple.
Tall, resilient, and gorgeous.
And he was once again, floored.
It's like a bucket of ice cold water being dumped on his head, and suddenly he's realizing just how far over the line he's gone, and he immediately sits up right.
“…did I just straighten myself??”
The blonde next to him, he just zeroes out completely, yet cannot help the chills that fill his body under his clothes.
“You wanna talk about disrespect..?”
She asks, tone flat, gaze heavy.
They can feel their chests tighten, her larger than life presence commanding their full attention even when they can't bring themselves to look up at her.
“I've met scarecrows with more spine than you. Your with is as sharp as a butter knife, and watching the two of you trying to have an argument with me is like witnessing a dance of clumsiness and confusion. I have seen more formidable foes in a toddler's tantrum. Why is it so hard to realize that you two trying to keep communicating your feelings on the ridiculous of the endeavor I'm currently engaged in is nothing but futile?”
As she speaks, she keeps looking between the two like she was talking to two kids.
“Disrespect, eh? Who was the one again who went against my plea of leaving the city alone in the first place and never coming back? You two are the perfect example of how nature experiments with mistakes.”
That went so fucking hard.
Goo just cannot help himself, the surprised scoff of laughter erupts from his lips without any warning, quickly smacking his hand over his mouth.
Gun on the other hand, takes his sunglasses down with a quickness, eyes wide and in disbelief of what he's hearing.
Where is all this hostility coming from?
They cannot help but just stare at her in confusion, Goo's eyes involuntarily twitching through a pained smile.
"What the hell is your problem...”
Gun asks quietly, his voice low, and visibly taken aback.
Nova, just counts to 8, letting out a long sigh while doing so.
“A moment of silence, please, for these poor souls' intelligence... do you not get what I'm saying? An apology isn't needed because I really couldn't give less fucks right now about what happened in the past, and could you please tell your friend here to calm down a little? If he were to be any less threatening right now, he'd be a dandelion.”
The last part was mainly aimed towards Goo, who begins to blink quickly to try and calm his nerves. Not because he was angry, but embarrassed since he lacked the brains to come up with such lines. He was a little jealous, and annoyed he liked her even more now.
After a moment, Gun turns to give Goo a glance. He's able to tell that he's clearly embarrassed and annoyed by the whole situation, and he can't help but share the same feeling himself.
"Wow... we got our asses handed to us again, and we didn't even have to fight."
Goo thinks to himself, visibly zoned out now, while looking at nothing at particular on the table.
Gun knew that coming here was useless, and he turned out to be more than right. The embarrassment he felt was more than bearable.
He takes a deep breath, trying to keep his frustration under control. He knows that they came here expecting a completely different situation than this, and now they're just being talked down to like a bunch of teenagers.
It's not doing good things for his ego, that's for sure.
He looks back at Nova, trying to keep his tone neutral as he speaks again.
"So you don't want an apology, and you don't care about the past. What do you want then? What do we do to make it up to you?"
“Y'all want forgiveness? Fine, you're forgiven. You could both leave now, unless you would want to engage in a fight again, which would be more than just an anticlimax. Your skills are on par with a blindfolded chicken playing hopscotch, and there's no fun in that.”
Both of them remain silent as she continues to speak. Gun can practically feel the blood boiling within his veins, his irritation building up to unbearable levels, while Goo just looks completely defeated. He's already given up the moment she started speaking down to them again.
It's almost comical to watch her just repeatedly and ruthlessly humiliate them, using their own ignorance against them.
Their current situation was nothing more than absolutely diabolical. If it wasn't enough that they couldn't outsmart her during their previous fight, apparently the same could be said about actual smarts.
This woman was too smart for her own good, and their own. The whole time, her tone was razor sharp, blunt and to the point with a gaze most people would shy away from in just a second.
Then again, they both have eyes, and common sense, as much as they lacked of using it being so in the heat of the moment, they could both now notice clearly.
This wasn't the calm, collected, and kind person she once was. Her presence was nothing short of being on edge, tense as all hell, and an undeniable presence of fatigue in her eyes that neither of them could ignore.
Her entire demeanor has become almost cold and distant, her behavior almost the opposite of what she was years ago. There's a hint of melancholy as well, hidden within the sharpness of her silver eyes.
She changed completely.
Despite themselves, their gazes can't help but shift from her face to the tired look in her eyes. It's just so different from how she used to be, that it actually makes them feel a small pang of guilt in their chests.
Well, as much as they’re competent enough to do so.
"We're sorry."
Goo's apology comes out softer than intended, and with a swiftness that even caught Gun off guard.
He didn't understand, since they had already done their due diligence of apologizing, but he tried his best to trust his partner's judgment, letting him continue.
"We shouldn't have come... it's clear as day we disturbed your mental state even more with our presence and over the top behavior. You seem like you already have enough on your plate, we didn't want to add more into that."
Nova's expression shifts to a softer, more tired look as she listens to Goo speak. But then, confusion laces her features, a small frown appearing on her face.
“You have no idea what you're talking about or how I'm feeling. Stop trying to act like we're friends, I don't need you to feel bad for me either.”
Self defense. It was purely that.
Her tone might have been annoyed and distant, but the way her hand twitched, it was more than obvious they struck a cord in her.
From that, Gun can tell that Goo's words have somehow affected her. Maybe he was right, and it bothered her more than she's letting on.
He glances at Goo, giving him a subtle nod to signal him to continuе. Не wants to see if they can get through to her, even just a little bit.
"We would just like to get a small hint into why you're acting and feeling the way you are... a lot had to happen in the three years since we last met..."
Goo continues, almost surprised at how nice he's being all of a sudden.
There is a hint of discomfort in her eyes once she looks back at him. So desperate to try and shield her fury of emotions away, afraid to be vulnerable.
She lets out a sigh, putting her purse in her lap and rummage through it, popping a cigarette between her lips.
“I don't need a therapy session. Especially not by two wonder brats...”
Her exterior hardens once more, lighting her cigarette, and taking a long drag.
Gun leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest and giving her a steady gaze, trying to keep his annoyance under check. He keeps his tone even as he speaks.
"Maybe you don't need a therapy session, but we're just trying to understand. You've changed, and we want to know why."
“I don't think I owe you any manners or any explanation.”
She grumbles, letting the smoke flow from her lips, and blowing it out.
It's like she's intentionally being difficult just to piss him off.
He leans forward slightly, his gaze hardening as he speaks, his voice laced with a hint of anger.
"You don't owe us anything, that's true. But can't you just... try to talk to us? We're not trying to be difficult here, we're just concerned."
“That's funny.”
She responds with an empty gaze, butting the ashes into her empty wine glass.
“What do you know about being the rag of other people's sorrow?”
There it is.
As she says that, the empty gaze never subsides, putting the cigarette between her lips, she takes another drag while never taking her eyes off of him.
It's like she's dropped a bombshell on him, and they don’t quite understand what she means by it.
He glances at Goo, seeing the same confusion reflected on his face, before looking back at her. He speaks again, his tone softer this time.
"What do you mean by that? What do you mean by 'being the rag of other people's sorrow'?"
Both of them look at her through narrowed eyes, both of their gazes sharp and analyzing as they observe her behavior. She's clearly trying to brush off what they just found out, but it's not working very well.
“I’ve had enough of it.”
She starts out, propping her elbow on the table, eyes visibly softening as she rather stares out the window than to look at them.
“Being kind and all.”
Her eyes may have softened, but there's still a slight undertone of hostility in her voice.
Meanwhile, Goo can tell that she's feeling uncomfortable having those emotions being brought up again, and his expression softens, a hint of sympathy present beneath the concerned frown on his face.
“I wanted to help. From the positivity, the gratitude, from how hopeful and supportive people were, knowing there was someone who was willing to help, and wanted nothing in return.... I was happy, because people were also happy, no matter the morbid nature of it all.”
Goo's expression softens even more as he hears her words, his sympathy growing stronger. Gun's gaze remains on her, his expression stoic but listening intently.
He speaks up again, his tone almost matter-of-factly.
"People took advantage of you, didn't they?"
A small sigh leaves her lips, watching the bustling city outside. The city she raised from the dust while she takes another drag.
“You share secrets under the moonlight; those secrets become weapons against you. You cry in the candlelight, yet your tears can never extinguish the fiery rage of betrayal; and after the last drop of love is squeezed dry from your heart, they toss away your husk of a soul.”
She continues, puffing out one last cloud of smoke as she puts her cigarette out.
“I began to absolutely loathe, detest, revile, denounce my existence with a passion like a furnace... especially when I started to enjoy hurting people more than when I did it out the goodness of my own heart, with the intention to help. Sure, I still did help, but it also momentarily helped me too, to fill that gaping soul in my chest after my patience and kindness had ran thin... I choked on such longing I couldn't spit out. Yes... desire is so different when God bore you hungry.”
Both of the guys listen to her in silent shock, absorbing her every word. Her description of her own experience, her feelings and pain, it's incredibly raw and vulnerable. It's clear that whatever she's been through has left deep scars on her soul.
Yet again, unfortunately it was something unavoidable.
Goo finally speaks up, his tone gentle as he responds to her.
"No wonder you’re so on edge but also seem…a lot more resilient now."
And he meant what he said.
No wonder her sharp eyes are more cutting now. Like she has a 360° vision, yet still..
She still seemed like someone who couldn’t find her place again despite her reflecting on herself.
“Well, my patience has ran thin, and people fail to understand why. I no longer find peace and happiness when helping others. I became indifferent to others' gratitude.”
Her tone now becomes indifferent.
Acceptance. No matter how much kindness you offer, some people will always be selfish and evil individuals.
“... I don't even know who I am anymore...”
Her words are more than enough to further add even more complexity to her feelings, but solidifies Goo’s theory.
She was not only tired, she was also deeply craving for something, some type of satisfaction or relief, the way her eyes almost seem to burn with this strange craving. She's like a starving animal, desperate for something to satisfy her, and desperate to find her purpose again.
“Sometimes I wonder... I'm not sure whether I'm a good person or not anymore... But I hope I am good enough to be loved and appreciated.”
The glimmer of hope that appears in her eyes could be described almost pitiful.
Pitiful, that she had to get here to question her whole existence, and purpose in life.
“I want to be more than my ears...and the arms that offer comfort. More than my power and abilities...To be loved unreasonably, rather than for the fact that I listen when the rest of the world goes quiet, or throwing myself into pits of the danger and despair. I chose this life, I'm well aware... but it matters not how selfless you are when people would still rather continue to take more and more of you.”
Her words start to have a profound impact in both of them. An individual who has given and given, and only recently realized that she has given a bit too much to get nothing in return.
And the pain and longing in her eyes... both of them can see it clearly, and it seems to only get even more intense as she speaks. The depth of her feelings is almost palpable, and it's clear that she's been holding it in for a long time.
“I keep convincing myself I do not mind being the rag of other people's sorrow... Yet I find I am no longer durable, sinking in the mix of theirs and my grief. A source of therapeutic conversations, yet never unplanned ones. Talk to a friend, a real friend who truly knows my aspirations rather than my soothing words. Who truly knows the stones that fill my chest as I devour their rocks. Then them bubbling into a foam after a while, ceasing to exist in their minds."
She lets out a long sigh, playing with the dessert fork she has not long ago put down absentmindedly, and puts her cigarette out.
“Who am I if not threaded cloth, a person who heals while avoiding healing herself... As I remember the tears absorbed by an overgrown mold, consuming me till I am nothing more but a manmade stream, who flows towards an unfamiliar rage.”
This time, her tone is more strained, doing her damned best to stop the wave of emotions trying to break free and roll of her tongue, eyes unfocusing into nothing particular.
“What was I made for?.. Or rather am I made for something beyond inherited love. Something beyond the power I hold and the actions I take. If I really am slowly becoming what I try so hard to cleanse the world from? Can I be loved without being convenient?..”
And she whispers the last part, turning to them, catching despair flashing through her eyes.
“Even if I'm unsure whether I'm an actually good person to begin with?”
And both of them knew, in that moment, that they couldn't really give an answer to her.
Unfortunately, neither of them could understand that level of sacrifice.
Slowly becoming the exact same thing she loathed the most and tried to get rid of.
“It's hard to make up an answer... isn't it?”
She asks softly, a bitter smile painted her lips as she keeps her eyes trained on them both.
“I understand. Every time I try to do so myself, it feels like chasing a shadow… whenever I get hold of it, it slips through my fingers, until I’m left with nothing again.”
Was there even a right answer to give?
Who's to say what she's feeling isn't just a reflection of others'? Or their perception?
Was there even a satisfying answer to give her?
They couldn't. They haven't walked even a minute in her shoes.
It was all a hard pill to swallow.
So much was said, so much was shared they felt like they were drowning in her maelstrom of emotions.
They could never understand that level of self sacrifice, that was bordering on self sabotage as well.
Neither of them has ever been in a situation like this before, where they couldn't find any words to say in the face of that level of vulnerability and pain. And it's a difficult realization to bear, knowing that their perspectives and experiences fall short of truly understanding what she's going through.
What more was there to even left to say? They came here to apologize, yet in the end, they got more than they bargained for.
Eventually, she lets out a long sigh.
“Before I go, thank you... for taking the time out of your days to come see me personally and apologize. I accept it... but regarding the two of you asking for forgiveness...”
The corners of her lips pull back slightly, sucking in her teeth as she places the fork down she unintentionally bent a little between her hands.
“You can't undo the pain you brought to others. In order to find peace in yourself and the situation, is to eventually forgive the cruelty that no longer resides within, and to accept the fact that they may always see that inhumanity in you... and it is in their every right to never forgive.”
Once she speaks again, they both can feel the meaning behind those words, and the gravity of what she's saying. They might have come here to apologize, but her response is more than well- earned.
She doesn't forgive them.
Gun and Goo both remain silent, their gazes respectfully cast down to the ground. They don't know what to say, but they can respect her decision.
Was that really it?
They still had so many unanswered questions left.
What's her backstory? How did she get so strong? What's her limit? What did she display back then?
Are they friends of allies? If not, will she seek vengeance against them once in the future?
Perhaps it's better to stay with curious sometimes. She's clearly in a vulnerable position, and would rather be elsewhere than here.
They both watch her slowly stand up, patting down her dress to flatten the wrinkles out, purse in one hand.
She hums softly, glancing at them both.
“But thank you. You made me realize it's time for me to re-evaluate my life decisions.”
A soft smile is the only thing she can give them, for now.
“And you two… take your own paths in life. Don’t let yourselves be used by others, even if it seems like there is no choice. There always is.”
She says softly, signing the bill after she pays.
“Regarding our fight and the defeat the two of you experienced..”
Her eyes sharpen slightly, a smile of someone like a Goddess paints her features, and they brace themselves.
“You have been praying so long for the strength to outlive the pain your past inflicted on you, that you have forgotten- you are already strong. That heart of yours was crafted from the same clay as that of Achilles, last true warrior on the sands of Troy, fighting a war that was years long. Do you think Achilles wept over the fates of the lesser warriors who tried and failed to slaughter him? Do you think you should lose sleep over the lesser people who tried to drown you in sorrow and hoped you couldn't swim? Listen to your heart. You have seen crueler battlefields than this. If you were so resilient through them, then you know in your heart, you will survive this.”
Now that.. was a speech.
“So long boys... we might meet again. Perhaps as foes or enemies, I'll let faith make that decision.”
And with that, they can only watch her retreating form, the clicking of her heels growing softer and softer, until she disappears from their vision.
Her words only further the impact, and both of them can't help but see their own journey and hers in a new light...
A star that has finally grown tired of burning up with no one to notice it... now preparing to transform into a collapsed, black hole, in the hopes of becoming something greater.
Everything that they learned, all of her feelings and confessions... the complexity of her circumstances and background, the way she spoke about her life, the pain that she's been through, the emotions that she's been keeping hidden and bottled up for her whole life...
They had gone into this meeting expecting a simple apology and an explanation. Instead, they had gotten much more than they bargained for. Her words had touched on something deeply profound, something that they were both still trying to fully understand.
Finally, Gun breaks the silence, his voice contemplative.
"That was... a lot to take in."
"Right... And I couldn't even confess to her."
Of course Jongoo comes with his usual idioticy, making Gun's head fall on the table, forehead down with a thud, letting out a loud sigh.
"Are you serious..? That's all you've got to say after all that?"
He lifts his head up and shoots Goo a sidelong glare, his eyes tired and incredulous.
"Well, as she said, we might meet again either way, so I'm still somewhat hopeful."
Gun lets out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head slightly.
"...I swear down on my nans grave, one day I will fold you up like a paper plane, and throw you into outer space."
"...you're so abusive."
“And you’re insufferable. A match made in hell.”
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months
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Hey now, Let her cook!
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#senshi#laios touden#marcille donato#izutsumi#oyasumi punpun#<- In case you are wondering what the source for the little bird guy is.#Yeah that's right. I'm back to my extremely obscure crossover BS.#Punpun is one of those series that falls under the category of 'Good! but I cannot responsibly recommend this to anyone."#If Dungeon Meshi is like a friend asking you to go on a quick errand and you accidently go on a life changing roadtrip -#Punpun is your friend asking to go on a quick errand and they pull up to the vet and tell you your dog is being put down.#Then they explode into sludge. Melting your car. You hitchhike back but the person who picked you up is an axe murderer.#I could not finish it. My friends who did say it was good. But agree it was for the best I did not finish it.#Hey speaking of tone twists...We are one episode away from one of my favourite chapters being animated!#WHO'S READY FOR THE SENSHI BACKSTORY! WHO IS READY TO CRY!#ME! I AM! I spooked my flatmate with how energetic I was this morning. I'm vibrating with energy I was not designed to contain.#I should talk about today's episode here: It was very good. I love how they animated the familiars.#And!!! Anime only people now are in the loop on the Chilchuck lore. Part 1 of many. He still contains multitudes.#They all do to be honest! If this episode told us anything it was that we still don't know these characters as well as we think!#See you guys next week. I'll be inconsolable.
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troglobite · 2 years
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i’m so sorry (i’m not) but every time i see an adorable dog for the first time i say, in the most obnoxious baby voice, “it’s a baby!”
it sounds more like
ih duh BAYbey!
but yeah. you get it.
even when it’s just on tv or my phone or computer. a dog that i am not interacting w. i will still say in a silly voice ih duh BAYbey!
anyway. 
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luck-of-the-drawings · 4 months
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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dootznbootz · 5 months
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As someone with ADHD, you know you're fucking exhausted when you're not even fidgeting. :'D
#I'm literally just sitting here. listening to shit. I usually need to fidget or do something while doing that but no. I'm just staring off#into space. At the creature that I'm dogsitting.#he's exhausting too but it's mostly from the fact that I did a lot of physical labor in horrible boots and now my lower body is dead#I mean this creature eats anything and everything off the ground. One walk and I had to pull 4 acorns. 7 leaves. 5 rocks from this#idiot's mouth. he's not allowed off leash because he just bolts as well. He's sweet but I'm pretty sure there's just a walnut rattling#around in his head lol. I genuinely worry about this dog because...He genuinely has a deathwish#speaking of which. if anyone knows how to teach your own dog how to stand up for herself I would appreciate it :'D#I give my own dog. my sweet girl Mocha. a treat and this little guy starts hopping up and biting at her mouth until she drops HER treat#and then he runs away with it! And I'm like “sweetie. why are you letting him treat you like that?!?!”#yes I separate them when I give treats but still :'( My girl is too sweet for this cruel world.#She's so sweet and brings her OWN toys up to him so they can play together and he just runs away with them and growls at her.#They're HER doggy toys!!!#I know I'm complaining a lot. He's not that bad but also... My Mocha. (also he chases the cats. we have shit blocked so they can#have their own space and be safe and a space for him but oof)#Mad rambles#Mad vents#I'm mostly still recovering from those horrid boots as we realized once I took them off that they basically were at a weird slope.
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only-lonely-www · 1 year
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Joining the war on vampires on the side of the vampires
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batqueers · 2 months
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um
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i love my husband he's so silly goofy!!
#ash rambles 💚#went on a rant today about how much i hate his source material LMAAOO#i tried to be a fan for so long but after reading the shitty light novels? what a fucking cesspool of problematic shit lmao#i get that the point of the series is that everyone sucks but come on. theyre fucking unlikable#and i hate the fandom#so much#nobody hates s.hizaya like i do. you could even say i dislike i.zaya. all the power to people who him#i just think he's a dick#interesting character maybe. but a dick. also admittedly ive had beef with people who lile him so. yrah#also i think n.arita is a shitty writer#i dont think this series is well written#and this isnt really something i wanna argue but like#it's my blog. i get to speak my truth#however#the series does have my dream man! the man of my dreams! my knight in shining armor! my ideal type! my wonderful and amazing husband!!!!#he's such a comfort to me and i love him#he's amazing#and a great dad#to both my fankid and her pet dog#I'm sorry if this post is incoherent lmao I've been doing hw all day and I'm beat#also i have my drivers exam tmr so like.. wish me luck!#IM ALSO GOING TO THE F.INAL F.ANTASY ORCHESTRA TOMORROW?!?!?!?+#j^×*÷&=&×^÷&@^jahshqysAHJSQGRJQYUEHWJEGWJE#oh i forgot to use husband's tag..#kissing in the van 💍#okay there we go#I'm gonna get back to homework now#i literally just came here to be a hater LMAAOO#also i love my husband he's amazing#and i do wanna say that there are some things abt the series i do like. please dont flame me (after all. I'm already ash. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
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wow I hate everything abt the world
#this is about everything and nothing in particular. just one of those fucking days#I hate that there’s a fucking genocide and that joe fucking biden is going to lose this fucking election bc he’s fucking aiding and abetting#I hate that republicans are actively voting to make raped children give birth and that Trump is going to be fucking reelected#and that will be fucking national policy#I hate that some (white) bitches like to get up on their high horses abt how sexism isn’t a big problem for white women bc woc have always#had it worse#this is objectively true but it is also ok to acknowledge that white women have also been seen as property for hundreds of years#and have been blamed for being raped and forced to marry their rapists and been institutionalized bc their husbands said so#and have had no economic power and have been reliant on men for literally fucking everything until Extremely recently#YES this is all magnified for woc but it is so performative for white women to write screeds like this#on a fucking goodreads review (hypothetically speaking)#wow! I am angry about everything!!!#normally I can keep it in check but tonight it just one of those nights when I cannot. and here we are#also on a much more micro level! I hate that my dog was bitten by another dog and now is hurt and scared of other dogs!#and we can’t do almost anything to help her!#and I hate that all I wanted for dinner was pizza from my favorite spot in my hometown but that is 800 miles away#and I hate that I would love to be near family again but they live in a red state that is actively trying to overturn the will of its voters#and I hate that my husband wants to move back to his home state which is even redder#and I’d have to leave my job that I love and move to a state with much more existentially terrifying policy#and I love working for the state government but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to work for THAT state’s government#it’s just all bad I’m so pissed
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froshele · 1 year
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today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"
that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!
#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery#it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it#like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery#people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~#which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism#what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail#how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean#objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all#but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog#not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery#and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way#and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise#and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers#im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system#i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i#totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then???#that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair#i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do#i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain#and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in#and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment#that was about being displaced a little bit#which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane#and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》#today will be a better day than this#im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them#froshgriping#froshsniveling#froshplaks
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neonpigeons · 2 years
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time to have my monthly breakdown/freakout over the fact that I shouldn't have gotten a dog cuz Noodle did terribly on his walk lmao
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werewolfbneimitzvah · 5 months
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vent post. There are two stories i was told in my teenage years that even before i had a real concept of trans issues made me uninterested in discussing the supposed sacredness and safety of separated sex-based spaces.
First, when i was like 13 or 14 my PE teacher told us about a time she went to a women's public restroom, some guy was hanging out outside the bathrooms, she didn't think anything of it, went to the bathroom, and he walked in after her and like, creeped on her over the top of the stall. She was ok, she wasn't telling us this to scare us, just telling us what to do in situations like that (and iirc she was telling the whole co-ed class this, not just girls, bc it's useful for everyone), but this taught me immediately and forever that there's nothing actually keeping these spaces separate really, that anyone can be a creep in any space, and that establishing a space like that as for women only isn't actually particularly useful for safety.
Second, when i was 16 i was at an anime convention, a friendly acquaintance of mine and i ended up in conversation outside, and he showed me his bare wrist and told me he'd been kicked out. A female friend of his had stepped in dog poop outside, and between that and the stress of the convention she'd had a bit of an emotional breakdown, so being her friend, he started comforting her and ushered her into the women's restroom so they could wash the poop off her shoe together. And because he was a man who went into the women's bathroom, he got kicked out, no matter that he was doing something that was actually beneficial to a woman. Punishing a woman's friend for supporting her was supposed to... protect her somehow? This made it clear to me that a no-exceptions rule separating the sexes like that wasn't actually inherently good for everyone.
And this isn't even getting into me as a child needing to accompany my younger sister to the restroom when we were out with just my dad because she had certain support needs past the age he felt comfortable bringing her into the men's room with him. And what if I'd been born a boy, or she'd been the first born? Who's helping her then?
And of course even putting all this aside, we should always prioritize compassion and support anyway. But i never even needed to meet a trans person to know that "keeping men out of women's bathrooms" is silly nonsense. But trans people also need to pee anyway and as humans they have that right, so leave them the fuck alone. your precious women's restroom is just a fucking room with a door, holy shit give it a fucking rest, if someone is attacking you in the bathroom that's bad and if someone is in there to pee that's good and it doesn't fucking matter what their junk is or was when they were born.
a woman could have done the exact same thing to my PE teacher and it would have also been bad no matter how "supposed" to be in the restroom she was, and no one should ever be punished for helping a crying friend wash their shoe.
Anyway i know I'm speaking to like-minded folks here, i just think about those two stories literally every time bathroom gender shit comes up and it pisses me off.
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shotmrmiller · 3 months
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simon who can afford a better flat than the budget friendly flat he lives in but won't move. johnny doesn't understand. he wants to blame it on simon being the enigmatic, intentionally perplexing man he tends to be but he has a flat.
he doesn't have to. he's got no significant other, no kids (that he knows of, god only knows if simon's got a bairn somewhere. it makes him heated thinking about it. he's it's uncle, damn it.) why does he rent here when living in base is free?
the question answers itself when he's over one evening, empty beer bottles on the table, amber glass reflecting the warm glow of the lone lamp overhead. the television is on, volume turned down, blending with the other sounds of the night— the distant barking of dogs, the quiet hum of simon's fridge, the occasional car passing by outside.
the conversation had died down already, not like they don't spend almost every waking breath with each other at work and they'd been sitting in a comfortable silence when there was a sudden, sharp knock at simon's door.
it startles johnny, reaction instinctive as he reaches for his hip, hand curling around the grip of his holstered gun but simon seems relaxed. he pins him with a look and mutters, "s'alrigh'."
what does he mean it's alright? it's 'witchin' hour'' as his mam calls it, who could possible be at his door? he cranes his neck to look and—
it's you, standing up here with a flour-dusted apron, small hands holding a warm pastry, the steam twisting and curling off of it. you're exude homely charm, soft face glowing from the corridor's light (or maybe it's at the sight of seeing simon, who knows?) he can smell it in the air, sweet, inviting.
what johnny finds interesting enough to send a quick text to kyle is how simon is looking at you. as if you're handing him more than just a custard tart, but also a little piece of heaven, a fragment of a dream he hopes to have one day.
"'m sorry, simon. i wasn't aware you had any company. i just really needed to stress bake or i would've gone off the deep end and end up in prison."
violent little bonnie. he can see the appeal.
simon cups his hands over yours (he definitely did it as an excuse to touch you) as he takes the treat. if you make food to unwind and give it to your neighbors, johnny oughta move in next door too. he'll never turn down free food.
"don't worry about it." johnny's eyebrows shoot to his hairline at the softness in his tone, bottle halfway to his lips.
clearly more than a passing fancy.
"i'll just uhm, if you're friend wants some too—" but simon gently interrupts you before he can ask for some of that sweet comfort too.
"he's not hungry."
cruel, cruel bastard. he'll remember this day, jot it down in his calendar. when he gets a girl of his own, he'll be sure to do the same.
johnny wonders if you've got a crick in your neck from looking up at simon as you speak hushed words, meant only for him. can he get at least a nibble of that tart?
you shoot johnny a shy ㅤsmile before turning around and simon closes the door, turning back to the warming beers, golden tart in hand.
even the plate it's on is cute.
"ah can see the hearts in yer eyes, lt."
johnny can practically hear the air parting as simon's fist cuts through it, aimed at his head. he avoids it with practiced ease. "ooh, touchy. ah'll leave ye be if i get a bite o' tha'."
he doesn't gets not even a crumb because simon is selfish.
(simon moved here purposefully because he knows you live here and can't be at peace without knowing where you are at all times. there's a tag inside your favorite pair of shoes you left out in the hall once to dry after a hard downpour. the bakery you work at is down the street, if he looks out the south facing window, he can see you going in and leaving work. he likes to let himself in your home and smell your cushions. took one of your shirts too but at least made sure it wasn't one of your faves. he has to wash it every other day)
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