#and i was like 'because she no longer has any excuse to be around buffy' and something finally clicked for him

[biblicalhorror]

The way cordy and wesley being thrown together in doppelgangland happens LITERALLY right after a scene where cordelia says, verbatim, "I was never really actually attracted to xander, we just kept being thrown in these life or death situations together" is SO!! interesting.

[prose-for-hire]

Wish upon a (dead) star

Pairing: Willow x fem!reader; Vamp!Willow x fem!vamp!reader

Request: Can you please write a Willow x female reader story where in Dopplegangland its revealed that wishverse!Willow is dating wishverse!reader (either by the wishverse reader showing up too or just by vampire Willow mentioning it) and it makes Willow and the reader realize they like girls, specifically each other? I know you’re working on a lot so take as much time as you need if you decide to do it 😃

Requested by: Anonymous

Warning: There is a brief part where it switches to reader being the vampire - blood mention. Violence.

A/N: I loved this request like absolutely LOVED it. I know you said take your time, but I’m still sorry this took so long !! 💖

You had never really thought much about your sexuality. It just wasn’t something that had ever made you question anything. Not until that day.

It was nearing Summer, the grass was being mowed outside and you could smell the very faint aroma of bleach. The janitor was cleaning some poor students remains from the halls again. It smelled distinctly of the summer arriving in Sunnydale.

You looked outside, it appeared like a normal day. The light breeze making the branches cast pretty shadows against the window pane. The sky was clear, a beautiful blue that made your heart feel lighter. Like you could begin to relax. The demons often started to slack off around this time of year too – might the shorter nights. Doesn’t really give them much chance for evil plots.

The bell rang and you slid all of your books back into your bag and slung it over your shoulder. It was the end of the day and everyone was filtering through the exits. But, rather than soaking up the sun you had plans.

You would be trapped in hell. Or, above hell’s mouth anyway. In the Sunnydale library. The weather was hot but the temperature in the library was sweltering. The AC didn’t appear to be working and everyone was sweaty and angry looking. You hadn’t arrived yet, you were taking the long route along the corridors. Soaking up the sun in a wholly unnecessary walk of the school grounds before you made your way to whittle some research books down or read an inscription on a stake or something.

You took a sharp turn, passing the janitor’s closet.

You heard something. Struggling. You frowned, but still pushed on the door, revealing Willow. Wiping her mouth after draining the janitor. You made a sharp intake of breath, rooted to the spot.

You became encased in her eye. Her lips curled into a devilish smile as she took in your entire form. You felt naked under her gaze. As if she had claimed you and explored every part of you before now (and yet still always wanted more).

She smiled at you although it came out as a grimace. Vampire. She was a vampire. Her eyes had been dark, almost blackened but when she saw you her face lit up a little in recognition. Her mate.

She tugged your arm into the closet, there was blood running down the side of her face.

“My girl” She purred into your ear, nipping at it as she always did. Your eyes widened you became dizzy from those words. Suddenly putty in her hands. She was used to this though.

She met your lips hungrily, crashing into you. Her need translated so easily against your lips. The way she easily slid her tongue into your mouth. Tasting you. Telling you that even your mouth was hers. She pressed you flush against her body. Her hand snaking up and weaving into your hair, pulling you in further. Her lips urgent, a passion that would never die.

She was in every sense of yours. You could feel her so intimately. Smell that distinct Willow smell. Even the lingering metallic taste on her tongue drew you in…

With that thought, you pull away suddenly, having been caught up in the moment for longer than anyone that had been so convinced they were straight could get away with.

“Willow! What’re you doing?!” You shouted; your eyes as big as dinner plates. She pouted at your words, disappointed. Eyes still scanning your form.

“Aw no, you’re wrong too... We’ll have to fix that” She nodded, her smile turning into the grimace again. Her face shifted. Forehead ridged and unforgiving, fangs protruding from her mouth painfully. You screamed and backed away, just shy of her grasp.

You turned and ran as fast as you could. Sweating out pure adrenaline as you quickened your pace. Making sure she wasn’t on your heels. You skidded into the library, screaming that Willow’s dead. That she was a vampire and… managing to not mention that you could still feel her lips on yours.

As you were shouting this, your Willow listened before stepping into your vision properly. In a different outfit, one that was more her. Relief washed over you and you didn’t think twice. You just launched yourself at her. Wrapping your arms around her and nearly scooping her off her feet.

“I was so scared I lost you” You whispered in her ear from your place by her ear.

“You always have me!” She insisted with a little whispered giggle that made your heart skip a beat.

You were so pleased that she was okay. That she wasn’t hurt. It meant so much to you. As you released her from the hug you had both been wrapped up in happily, something dawned on you. Realisation struck.

It hit you in the gut. This sudden thought you couldn’t escape. You liked that feeling. Any feeling so long as it was with her. Kissing Willow had felt so real. It made you feel alive, despite the fact that your dead friend had helped you discover this. You desperately wanted to be back with her lips on yours.

You liked women. You were in love with women. Well, a woman.

Just as you had this thought, Evil Willow appeared trying to attack you. Or… kiss you. You weren’t entirely sure which. You and Willow backed away and tried to hide. But she kicked you to the floor, taking your by the throat. Willow screamed and the vampire turned and scanned her eyes over her other self. She really was disappointed in the outfit.

As she paused, you grabbed a cross from the counter and thrust it in her face making her hiss and recoil from it. With this, Giles took his chance and hit her over the head. Sending vampire willow to the ground. Passed out. You helped Giles drag her over to the cage and lock her in.

Willow would have helped but she was still recovering from her vampire self trying to kill her. You sat beside her on the step as she recovered, sliding a hand around her shoulders. You rubbed her upper arm soothingly.

She turned to face you and your faces were so close. Your nose touched hers and you could feel her breath warm on your face. You wished to lean in further and caress her lips with your own. A much sweeter kiss than you had shared with her vampire counterpart.

Her eyes lowered to your mouth and you thought this could truly be happening. That she was about to kiss you. But instead she reached with her hand for the side of your face.

“Oh, uh, you have some…” Willow reached and wiped the corner of your mouth, “...lipstick”

You became so caught in the gesture you barely heard her words. Her skin against your mouth, that soft touch. You closed your eyes slowly, savouring the feeling.

That was, until you comprehended why she was doing it. Your eyes widened. You hadn’t been wearing any lipstick. It had been… the other Willow.

You moved backwards at her words, sliding from her touch. You opened your mouth to try and make some kind of excuse that she had never even asked for but you were luckily interrupted.

At this moment, Xander and Buffy ran in. They had retreated from from the Bronze after what they had seen. They had come back for reinforcements and to break the horrible news.

“Y/n’s dead!” Buffy shouted, her voice desperately sad. The tone in mourning.

“We tried to help but she’s a vamp-” Xander said, looking at the ground in horror at what he had witnessed. You had been turned and you definitely weren’t a carebear with fangs either.

“Guys… it’s okay, I’m here”

“Not now, Y/n, we’re talking about-”

Everyone’s eyes brightened and Buffy and Xander took it in turns to hug you tight. You had never been more grateful to have such caring friends.

Giles filled them in on what he suspected had happened and that they should either make sure they got back to their dimension or Buffy needed to slay them. You and willow glanced at each other uneasily, you weren’t so sure if you could watch them die. Even if you knew you probably weren’t going to get on with your vampire self.

“Well, dead-and-not-yet-buried has demands”

“What?”

“She wants a spell, to return her to her dimension and… Willow-”

“-Or she starts snackin’ on the Bronze… and we’re not talking buffalo wings here”

“Well, ah, that may be difficult as she is currently out cold on the floor over there” Giles gestured with his head as Xander and Buffy turned to look. There she was, another copy of Willow. It was so spooky.

Eventually, a plan was made. You had argued against it but became outnumbered. The plan was, Willow would dress up as the one vampire you wanted and hopefully convince her to leave the Bronze alone.

You worried - you didn’t want Willow to be harmed. You had seen what her counterpart was like you could only imagine what the vampire version of you would be like. You shivered at the thought.

“Please… be safe” You asked, your fingers trailing against the skin on her arm. You were trying not to scan her body in her new outfit. You wouldn’t want her to feel uncomfortable, she was already feeling strange. She insisted she would be fine and everyone else headed out. Leaving you in the library.

You were pacing as Willow tried to convince vampire you that she was also a vampire. You were scared for her safety. This revelation had come at a time where you needed to be with her, to explore your feelings. But instead you were thinking about her even more. Because you could lose her in every sense if she made one wrong move. You tried to distract yourself but it was no use.

You wondered what it could possibly feel like to be that way. A vampire…

You were there, in the Bronze surrounded by terrified humans. You were holding them hostage with the help of an ex-vengeance demon and some minions you had picked up on your travels. You wanted a spell to take you back to your dimension but only so long as you were reunited with her.

And then there she was. Finally, your love had been returned to you. You smirked at Willow hoping she would be pleased with you for the way you never stopped looking for her.

She walked towards you and you couldn’t help drinking in her form. Wishing to take her as yours. Right there. You adored her so. If you could breathe, she would have knocked the breath from your body.

You were so busy enjoying her walking up to you that you couldn’t sense that she was human. You pulled her into you and crashed your lips to hers. The usual greeting. She hesitated for a fraction of a second but then she kissed back just the way she always would. You smirked into the kiss until she was ripped from your arms again.

You hated being separated from her. You turned, snarling at the human that dared interrupt such feeling. It stirred the dead heart in your chest.

“She’s human! Look at her!” Anya insisted, pointing accusingly.

“Would a human be able to do this?” Willow panicked immediately and asked this before screaming as loud as she could. To which everyone replied yes.

“You’re not my girlfriend! You are some cheap imitation!” You seethed, glaring. Burning holes into this human. You wanted your lover to return.

“What happened to you?! With the creeping and the threatening and the grr…?” Willow asked, making claws with her hands as she said the last part. It made you tilt your head to scan her face. It really was strange that this sweet human could be your mate. She had too much goodness in her.

You wished to scare her. You grabbed the nearest human and took a bite, savouring every drop and wiping your mouth with your hands. This just served to smear more blood around your face.

“When you wish upon a dead star, your nightmares come true” You smirked, blood still leaking from the corners of your mouth as her face paled at the way you held enjoyment in the fear all around.

Luckily for Willow, her scream had raised the alarm and Buffy, Xander and Angel came as soon as they could. There was a brutal fight where most of the vampires were dusted.

Willow held a stake to your unbeating heart but she just couldn’t do it. They would have to capture you as well. Allow you to be reunited with your Willow and take you back to the wishverse.

You (the real you) and your friends were staring into the cage. Willow and the others had brought back… you. Well, you if you were evil. Also, it appeared that your fashion sense had died with you.

Both vampire Willow and you were now locked safely in the cage in the library. Just long enough for Giles to recite what was needed to send them back to their dimension.

They came to and smirked at each other. Faces contorted in a way that you weren’t even sure you could match despite her being you. They recognised that it was the other’s mate (the real ones) and they instantly pulled each other close. Lips crashing against each other, the kiss deepening so much everybody felt as if they needed some kind of privacy.

“I think… I’m kinda… a lot gay.” You said, eyes widening as vampire you started to stick her tongue down Willow’s throat.

“Me too” the Willow that was stood beside you nodded. Her voice just above a whisper.

Evil Willow moved a fraction to look at their doubles through the bar. She looked between you and your Willow and rolled her eyes, muttering something close to ‘bored now’. As if it was so obvious that you both liked women.

That was before she grasped vampire you into another obscene kiss that you and Willow looked away from… and looked into each other’s eyes.

Your eyes widened and you both felt a heat rising in your cheeks, eventually opting to drop to the ground. Even though you did this, you couldn’t bear to truly be apart.

You both silently reached for the other, clasping hands. Your hands were entwined as one. A silent show of solidarity. Your minds spinning so fast you couldn’t focus on a single thought. The only constant thing, the only real thing you could hold on to was each other.

The love that you shared.

[ex-vengeancedemon]

Averting Disasters and Other Ways to Avoid Your Problems

Chapter 6

Characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Mentions of things that occurred in Angel: The Series season 5.

Main Pairing: Buffy x Spike

Characters: Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Xander, Andrew, Faith, Dawn

Summary: Set in 2008, five years after Spike’s resurrection at Wolfram & Hart. Buffy is living in Cleveland guarding the hellmouth. Spike has left Angel and company and is hiding out in Chicago. The Scoobies are scattered. When something starts going wrong with the slayers around the world, it’s time to get the gang back together.

Masterlist & Chapter 1

Chapter 6

Buffy blinked. What else was she supposed to do?

In front of her was Faith, still bristling at Spike like he was some kind of hell-spawn. And to her left was Spike, who looked just as he had the last time she’d seen him, not dusty at all. Maybe Faith was misremembering things, like she was.

Then a thought struck her. A nauseating, bone-chilling thought. What if this was The First after all? What if this wasn't Spike? What if this was all some sort of sick game? All that talk about having won the battle lies?

Buffy took a few steps away from Spike, who now looked thoroughly distressed, and moved to stand next to Faith. Buffy stood on the balls of her feet in a holding position, ready to spring at a moment's notice. In whichever direction that springing might need to occur.

"Now hold on," the thing that looked like Spike said, holding up its hands in surrender. "There's an explanation for all that."

He sounded so much like Spike, and Buffy hesitated.

Wait. He couldn't be The First. Her racing brain was finally gaining some clarity. She had touched him. He was solid. The First couldn't feel. So... what was going on?

"Nah, I don't think so," Faith growled, her stake at the ready. "And I'm thinking ‘stake first, ask questions later’ sounds like a pretty solid motto right about now."

The three stood in a tense standoff. Spike still hadn't moved, his hands held up in an non-threatening manner. But Buffy knew it wouldn't stay motionless for long. And she was freezing. God, she was really freezing.

"Look I-" he started, before cutting off abruptly. He shook his head, glancing down at the ground. When he looked back up he snapped his hands down and scowled. He ignored Faith completely, despite the fact that she had a weapon aimed directly at his heart, instead focusing on Buffy. "No. Know what? You're right. I don't have an explanation. All I've got are some bleedin' excuses, 'cause I'm not a better man, Buffy. You were wrong."

Faith was unimpressed by the declaration and lunged again. But Buffy broke through her stupor in time to stop the other woman once more as Spike flinched away from the attempted death blow. Right now wasn’t the time to stake first and ask questions later. Right now was the time to ask questions first, come up with a plan, and then stake later... if necessary. Because right now, all Buffy had to work with was Faith’s story, Spike’s story, and her own.

"Don't," Buffy told her counterpart numbly. "Just... don't."

Faith balked, about to retaliate, but one look from Buffy and she backed down. "Yeah. Alright, B. Whatever you say."

In a daze, Buffy moved back to the living room window, careful not to put too much pressure on her injured calf, and pulled the curtain aside a couple inches. It was dark out now. That middle of the night darkness; the kind you could drown in if you weren’t careful. And she could feel her head slipping under. If she couldn't fight The First, who was she supposed to be fighting? Nothing was familiar here. Nothing made sense. And she couldn’t fight herself.

Spike and Faith followed her tentatively into the living room. It was almost funny. Spike had died and Faith was in just as much trouble as she was, and yet all the two of them seemed to be able to do was shuffle their feet and worry about her. She didn’t need their worry. She needed answers.

"Could you give us a minute, Faith," Buffy asked without looking at them.

Faith hesitated, then said, "Yeah. Sure. I'll just... be in the kitchen."

She retreated to the other room, leaving Spike and Buffy alone again.

Buffy no longer had any doubt this was Spike. He knew the particulars of their conversations. How she had told him he could be a better man. And he was solid, not some ghost or manifestation of The First. Finally, she turned to face him. He looked... scared. It was a look she had seen on him more often lately - no, not lately - but only when it concerned her welfare. To his own, he was indifferent.

"Do you remember asking me if I was there with you?" she asked flatly. "That night."

"'Course," he replied, looking down at the ground.

"You asked me what that meant," Buffy continued, her voice quiet. "What did it mean?"

His head snapped up, his brows knit together in confusion. "What?"

"What did it mean?" she repeated.

"Not sure I follow."

She walked up to stand in front of him, searching his face for answers his tongue seemed to trip over. "You're lying."

"You heard trigger-happy over there," he replied, jerking his head toward the kitchen. His voice sounded nonchalant and almost derisive. But he wouldn't look her in the eyes. "Went out with a bang. Fittin' innit?"

Before she could stop herself, she slapped him hard across the face. His head snapped to the side and he rubbed at his jaw, but he didn't reprimand her or fight back. He didn't even ask why.

She thought she would have time. There was supposed to be more time. After. Time to work out what it meant. And now he was telling her she wouldn't have a say in the matter because he wouldn't be there to find out. That last night, the one she didn't remember, that would be his last night. No more chances, no more apologies, no more redos, no more anything. And he was being glib about it.

But no. It wouldn't be his last night, because he was here, standing in front of her. Why was everything so damn confusing?

"How are you here? How- how did it happen?" she demanded, the words coming out in a jumbled rush. "What is going on?"

She dropped onto the couch, holding her head in her hands. Just hoping to block it all out. This had to be some kind of nightmare.

He sat down beside her, moving to take her hand, and she immediately jumped up. "Stay away from me! Just- stop!" She paced off toward the window again. "What happened? Explain. Right now. Or I'm letting Faith do this her way."

"Likin' that plan!" Faith called from the kitchen.

Buffy grimaced. She wasn't thrilled to have an audience. But she needed to know.

Spike appeared to collect his thoughts, his face cycling through a range of emotions, few of which Buffy could place.

Finally, he spoke. "Happened like I said. You and the pack of newbie slayers fought off a hoard of beasties down beneath the high school." He paused. Why wouldn't he look at her? "Just left a few things out is all." He shrugged, eliciting another wave of anger from her. "That amulet? The sparkly rock lover boy gave you? Turned me into a regular atom bomb. Front row seat to the razin’ of Sunnyhell."

She fought back the nausea that threatened to overcome her. Oh god. Oh god. She killed him. She had become his judge, jury, and executioner. She didn't know. She couldn't have known. But was that the truth? Couldn't she have suspected? You never get something for nothing.

Angel had said the amulet was dangerous, that they didn’t know the risks. Using it would’ve been like testing the world’s first airplane by jumping it from Mt. Everest.

Maybe you knew, a little voice in her head whispered wickedly. Maybe you just didn’t care.

"But... how?" she asked weakly.

He huffed as he stood up, immediately beginning an agitated pacing back and forth. "What do you want to know? Huh? Wanna hear all the grisly details?” He scowled at her bitterly. “I put the trinket on. It lit up all bright-like. Blasted through the bad guys, fucked up whatever supports were holdin' that damnable place together. The ceiling started crashin' down. Then, poof, dust. Don’t remember much after that."

***

Spike regretted the words almost as soon as they had left his mouth. Or maybe he didn't regret the words exactly, just how he had chosen to say them. He had no right to be angry with her for asking, another notch on the bedpost of things he had no right to. Fuck, why'd she have to look at him like that?

This wasn't how he'd wanted seeing her again to go.

Alright, so he hadn't known exactly how he had wanted seeing her again to go, but he knew it wasn't this. A selfish part of him had hoped she might look at least a little happy to see him alive - undead anyway - again. Instead, Buffy looked downright mortified. And he watched in real time as that horror turned to pain turned to anger.

"What is wrong with you?" she snapped.

What the bloody hell was wrong with him? Here she was, clearly fightin' off some devil or another of her own, meanwhile here he was, sneering about the decimation of her home and his own death. Words felt like acid on his tongue. They got so jumbled together and warped beyond recognition, scarring and burning on their way out. He meant to say one thing and, by the time the air reached his lips, a completely different sentence had materialized.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

It was like putting duct tape on a dam and hoping the thing wouldn't blow.

Only she didn't blow.

"Get out," she hissed, her voice hard.

"Buffy-"

"Leave, Spike," she reiterated, maintaining the same coolness. "Faith and I will be fine. Willow, Xander, and Giles are on the case. They'll figure it out. We don't need your help. I don't need your help."

If she noticed him flinch, she didn't let on.

"Go home. Back to LA or whatever hole you crawled out of," she continued. "Just... leave. It's what you're good at."

If he had breath, she would've stolen it. It felt like she had just kicked him in the gut and spat on him for good measure. He felt his own hurt turn to anger.

"You can't seriously be blamin' me for dustin'!" he retorted. "We don't exactly get to pick 'n choose our time, love!'

She didn't respond to that. Instead, she crossed her arms, refusing to look at him.

Spike wasn't sure how long they stood there at an impasse. Neither of them seemed willing to break the silence. But at least she wasn't telling him to leave again.

He didn't even notice when Faith re-entered the living room. She moved with a cat-like grace and he was lost in his own world of reeling thoughts, trying desperately to remind himself of the real reason he was supposed to be here in the first place.

When Buffy looked up again, her gaze passed right through him without really seeing him, like the ghost he was. He didn't think this could possibly be going any worse.

He was wrong, of course.

He realized that the second the sword seared its way through his back. He felt the biting metal grind against his spine, watched as the blade extruded from his abdomen in front of him. He wanted to crumple to the ground, but the sword in his gut forced him to remain on his feet. He understood then - too late as usual - that Buffy hadn't been looking through him. She had been looking behind him. At Faith.

He felt a pressure against his back above where his heart rested. There was no doubt in his mind that it was a stake. So this would be the end. For real this time. No miraculous resurrection. It was poetic really. Buffy would get to watch him die again. It'd even be about the same time for her as he'd died the last time. Fitting. Karmic. The fates righting the wrongs and all that.

But hell, why'd it always have to hurt?

This time when Buffy looked at him, there was no pride. There was only fear and panic. There would be no consolation "I love you's" or grand gestures. There would just be... His face paled. Oh god, he wished there would just be nothing. He wasn't ready. He needed to-

"Faith, what are you doing?" Buffy asked, holding up a hand to the slayer Spike couldn't see.

He couldn't see her, but he could feel the stake dig harder into his back, feel her breath behind him, hear her blood race. His vision was starting to blur around the edges and he groaned in pain as his knees threatened to give out, causing the sword to bite harder into his flesh. He felt the blood enter one of his punctured lungs, creating a sickly sound as he gasped like a fish on a hook.

"Put the stake down," Buffy ordered, her voice struggling to stay calm. "It's only Spike. You don't need to hurt him."

"No," Faith growled. "It's not a person, it's a demon. What the hell is your problem? We're slayers. We kill vampires. We don't socialize with them!"

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "You know Spike. He has a soul."

"So?" Faith snapped. "He's not human, B. He's a vampire. A killer."

When Buffy didn't immediately agree, Faith dug her boot into Spike's back and kicked him off the sword onto the ground. He heard the metal grate against his spine on the way out and he bit back a scream, his teeth slamming together. It felt like his insides had started on fire, leaking gasoline and petrol. He struggled to his hands and knees only to have the hard heel of the boot slam him back down, sending blinding flashes of white light flitting through his vision. His eyes made out a small pool of blood sitting next to his mouth and he felt momentary guilt at having ruined the carpet.

"What kind of slayer are you?" Faith snapped at Buffy. "This is our duty, our responsibility! You would let him, what, just walk away?!"

"He's not a threat to anyone," Buffy replied.

Spike struggled to maintain consciousness through their conversation. He could no longer see them with his face pressed to the floor and his vision hazy, all he could do was listen as they argued over his fate.

In the land of gods and monsters… What was the difference really? The gods decided the monsters’ fates, of course.

"Faith this isn't you!" Buffy insisted.

Faith scoffed. "I'm exactly what I'm supposed to be. I'm doing exactly what I was meant to do. What are you, B? Cause, right now? You sure as hell aren't a slayer."

"I'm your friend. And I'm asking you not to do this." Buffy's voice had taken on a pleading tone.

How many times had she had to ask someone to spare his miserable ass? Once was already too many, but never seemed to be enough.

"If you're a friend of mine, you'll stake him. If not, then you're no friend of mine. What's it gonna be?"

[scenarioslovers]

One last time | Jimin

Requested by anon

“Isn’t that Jimin?” Your head snapped behind you at your friend announcement, as your heart beats started to raise. It only stopped so suddenly and so painfully when you noticed the girl who was linking her arms with his. “Who’s she?”

You looked away as quickly as you did before. Your hands were shaking, and your mind was clouded with screaming emotions. Reaching for the glass of water in front of you, you gulped it whole, ignoring your friend who has been giving you questioning looks.

You knew about this. You heard about it. But witnessing it with your own eyes was way more painful than imagining it. Something was wrapped around your heart and tightening slowly around it, that your heart was bleeding inside out.

“Is he moving on already?” Your friend commented in a sarcastic tone that drove you crazy.

You stood up suddenly, but your feet froze in its place, pinned to the floor beneath you. You wanted to run towards him, snap at him for forgetting you so easily, for getting a new girlfriend when you did not get over him yet, for loving someone when you couldn’t stop loving him. However, the reality hit you harder with the fact that you had no right to do so.

You were the one who broke up with him. You were not together anymore, and he could date whatever he wanted.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your friend looked at you with concerned eyes. She looked worried and scared at the same time. The way she looked at you could only be interpreted as one thing. She pitted you. She feared that you would break down at any moment and any second.

“I-I am.” You looked around you as if you were looking for something you lost. Except for the one thing you lost is right in front of you, but you could not reach for it. “I am okay. I will just go to the bathroom.” You excused yourself and hurried to an escape.

That was a thing you hated at parties. You just met people you did not want to see again. Like your ex-boyfriend who you knew would be invited, but never had you ever thought he would come along with another girl.

Losing your balance, you leaned on the nearest wall. You breathed in and out slowly, trying to control your still shaking body. You thought that if you saw Jimin again you would be okay. You would be fine, and you would greet him like old friends greeting each other.

“Are you okay?” A soft feminine voice asked you.

“I am fine, thank you.” You gave a small smile as you looked up. Your heart stopped for a second. You had to look around to see if she was alone or he followed her. He was there, a few steps away, trying so hard to not look at your direction.

Now that you are looking closely at Jimin’s new girlfriend, she was so beautiful that insecurity hit you hard. She had a small heart-shaped face, her hair was long it reached her elbow and her cheeks were as red as cherries. Her lips are puffy and full, and her nose is thin and pointed. You had never seen someone so beautiful closely before.

She brushed a falling strand of hair behind her ears, before reaching out for you. “Are you sure you are okay? You don’t need to go to the hospital?”

“N-no. I-I am good.” You hated how you stuttered in front of her and hated the fact that Jimin was there, but he no longer concerned about you, to check if you were okay. You hated that you anticipated for his care. “I just drank a little bit. I will be good once I wash my face.”

“Please, let me help you.”

You cursed in your mind. How could someone be so kind and beautiful? You wanted her to leave as soon as possible. Why wouldn’t she just leave you alone?

You could not do anything but let her help you. Shame and embarrassment heated you up that you felt your cheeks burning. He was probably watching you and wonder about your thoughts. Or could it be you just hoped that he would be at least curious about you?

You gave her a small smile as you made your way to one of the stalls. You heard the water running and assumed that she was fixing her make up. You did not want to use the bathroom. You just wanted to calm yourself down.

Watching Jimin with someone else made your stomach squeeze and your heart ached to the pointed you felt lightheaded. You always thought that your relationship with Jimin was a fairy tale. Something that would end up with a happy ending.

You met him last summer when your friends asked you to join them on the beach trip. He was there with them shinning under the sunshine. He had a shy smile that whenever his eyes fell on yours his eyes would disappear in his pink cheeks. Your stomach would always flip whenever he did that.

Since you never met him before and you only had common friends, it was hard to start to talk to him. It would be awkward when you help in disturbing drinks and give him his cans while looking at your hands and never his eyes. He always stayed with his friends that you thought he was not actually interested in you. Maybe it was all in your mind. All those tensions and stolen glances and skin touch by mistakes.

It was a truth or dare game that made him talk to you for the first time. When the bottle stopped spinning and pointed at you and Jimin.

It was you who should ask the question. “I-I don’t have a question. Pass.” At that moment you cursed yourself so badly. You had too many questions but would not dare ask any. You felt the pressure of talking to him and making eye contact. Butterflies filled your stomach and your heart will not stop beating. You were scared that the girl next to you could hear it.    

“I will ask the question then.” Jimin suddenly said and you met his eyes. And regret it right away because his eyes were so beautiful. They filled with stars and twinkled under the moonlight that your heart was doing a backflip.

“Y-yeah, sure.” You said finally when you realized he was waiting for your response.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Everyone roared and cheered as if this was the highlight of the night. Your cheeks became hot as you shook your head.

Trying so hard not to grin in victory, you managed to lock eyes with him again. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Would like to have a drink with me somewhere else?” Jimin asked again, forgetting he is supposed to ask only one question. And no one seemed to mind at all. No one wanted to spoil the moment of a possible future couple in making.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” You smiled this time as Jimin stretched out his hand for you.

Talking his hand, he helped you on your feet as you both walked away from the group and went to the hotel bar for a few drinks. After that night you simply fall more deeply in love. Especially that he kept asking to meet you even after the trip was over and you went back to your normal life.

A summer fling turned into a real pure feeling of love that you moved in with him after 8 months of dating. That was when it all started to fall apart.

You both became too busy with your lives that feeling together made you feel more neglected each day. He was getting used to you being around and the same went for you. He went home super late from practice while you wake up super early for work. It felt more like living with a roommate and not a boyfriend. You found yourself not caring about how you looked around him anymore. And he became so relaxed around you that he treated you like a brother.

No more dates. Little kisses and everything did not feel the same.

“Jimin, are you happy with me?” You asked, one day after crying for hours. You loved Jimin. You loved him way too much, but you also missed him. You no longer felt him, and you slowly became so lonely.

“Of course, I am happy with you.” He said softly as he reached for your hand. He could see your buffy red eyes and a red nose.  

“I don’t think we can do this anymore.” You sniffed as you looked into his eyes that you loved the most. “Even though we live together, I barely see you. We even no longer fight over silly things. I don’t think we should do this anymore.”

Jimin sighed as he nodded. He did not want to see hurt anymore. You fought a lot and he promised to try and get things back to normal. However, nothing changed. He understood your frustration because he could feel it too. Things were getting out of his hands.

“I just want you to know that I love you and that I will always love you,” Jimin said as he leaned in and touched his lips to yours.

“I love you too, Jimin. So much.”

Both did not want this; however, you knew that it was what you had to do. Because sometimes, love was not enough for two people to stay together.

~~

You waited until you no longer heard the water running and the door swings open and then closes again. Jimin’s beautiful girlfriend finally left. You opened the stall’s door slowly as you went for the sink.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you looked exhausted and shocked. The memory of Jimin as your boyfriend still hunted your heart. You could not believe that someone would easily forget about someone they loved.

He was moving on while you still hung into the memory of you both being together and hoping that you would somehow get back together again. Now it felt like Jimin was shutting you out of his life. As if he was telling you that he was done waiting for you. He was done with you.

A tear dropped over your cheeks. Frustrated, you slapped yourself with water. You had to get yourself together and accept the fact that you lost someone so important in your life.

After wiping your face with a tissue, you walked out of the bathroom only to find him in front of you.

He was leaning his back on a wall, one leg bent to the wall, his arms wrapped in front of his chest and his eyes. God, you loved those eyes. He was looking at you so intensely that you wanted to turn around and run away before you threw yourself on him and tell him how much you missed him.

“Are you drunk?” His voice was calm and gentle. He pushed himself from the wall and walked over to you. Sniffing the air around you, he was getting so close that your breath hitched in your chest. For a second you forgot how to use your lungs. He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t smell any alcohol.”

“I am not drunk.” You said, pushing him away from you gently. “I only drink water now.”

“Only water? Are you sick?” His eyes grew wide in concern and you hated so much that he still cared about you.

“I am fine. I just…” You remembered that one time when you got drunk and almost got in trouble. It was Jimin who saved you. If he was late, you would be in grave danger. Since you no longer had him around, you decided to stop drinking. “You know how I always get in trouble when I drink.”

“Oh, yeah I do.” He sighed in relief. “I am glad you decided not to drink anymore.”

You just gave him a small sad smile and looked at your feet.

“How are you?” Jimin asked and you could not hold your tears anymore.

“I miss you.” You looked at him with teary eyes. You walked toward him decreasing the distance between you two. You were just a few inches away from kissing him, you looked into the eyes you loved the most. “I miss you so much that I cannot breathe anymore.”

When Jimin took a step backward, your eyes widened. At this moment, you realized what you had done. Your heart broke into million pieces along with it. Jimin was already moving on, has a new girlfriend. You thought since he was concerned about you, he had the same feelings as you. You thought wrong.

He was taken back as if it was a mistake to talk to you in the first place.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” You said upon your realization. “How could I be this stupid? Jimin forgives me.”

“Y/N… I--”

“No no, it’s fine. How stupid of me. I thought…” You interrupted him “I… I thought that maybe I got one last chance to be with you again. How stupid of me, you already have a beautiful girlfriend, who is kind and nice and I am probably the bad guy now. I am so sorry.”

You turned around to leave, but a hand stopped you and pulled you back. You spun and crashed into his chest. One arm wrapped strongly around your waist, holding you closer to his body as the other hand tipped your chin up allowing him to capture your lips into a deep kiss that left you breathless. His lips were so soft against yours. You missed so much how he tasted and how he felt. At that moment, you felt like if the world ended now, you wouldn’t mind because you were in the arms of the man you loved.

“What are you doing?” You whispered breathlessly.

Jimin leaned his forehead on yours. Your noses touched and you could feel his hot breath against your cold skin.

“Jimin…” Jimin muffled his name with his lips as he kissed you again. This time, you allowed him to search into your mouth cavity, deepening the kiss more and more. You knew what you were doing is wrong, but you would not mind if it meant to be the last time. Just one last time. You wanted to feel like you were everything to him.  

“I miss you too,” Jimin said breathlessly as he touched your cheeks with his hands.

“But you move on.” You said in a small voice, feeling the impossibility of being together. “You have a girlfriend now. You choose to forget about me.” A small sob raised in your throat. “You said that you will love me forever.”

“I was wrong.” He shook his head. “I thought if I come here to the party and showed you that I really moved on, you would move on too. I just want you to be happy. I wanted you to forget about me and live your own life.”

“I am happy when I am with you.” You looked at his eyes. “I know both of us are busy. Both of us have a conflicting schedule. But we can make this work, right?”

“I don’t know.” Jimin shook his head and took a step backward. The absence of his body heat left you cold that chills ran down your spin. “I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Jimin, please don’t do this to me.” You begged him, shaking your head vigorously refusing to accept the harsh reality.

“I am doing this for your own sake.” Hurt flashed across his eyes. “I don’t want to be the reason for your tears. If we are not together, we will not be hurt and will not cry.”

“I am crying now.” You sobbed, shaking his head. “You can’t just leave me and say it’s for my sake. You just gave me hope. You kissed me. I love you, Jimin.”

“It’s really for the best. Live your life, Y/N. Find someone who can make you happy. I don’t think I can give you happiness.”

Jimin turned around and started to walk away. You called after him, he stopped for a second but did not turn around. You dropped to the ground and start crying your heart out. When you broke up, you did not cry that day. There was a mutual understanding that your relationship needed a break from each other.

However, now as you really losing him, your heart squeezed into your chest so painfully you thought you would not survive the night. However, you survived with pain eating you and the memory of his last touch and last memory.

[bellakitse]

show me love (in all the things you do)

Five times Michael showed his love for Alex with a kind gesture, and the one time, Alex returned the favor with a big gesture.

1.

Michael looks up at the sound of tires on gravel and frowns as he hears something else, it’s low, but still there. He waits for Alex to park and get out of his SUV.

“Guerin, I brought the pictures,” he says instead of a greeting showing him a manila folder he’s carrying.

“There’s a rattle to your car,” Michael says at the same time stopping Alex short. He looks at his car and then back at Michael.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Alex answers with an unconcerned shrug that makes Michael roll his eyes.

“Yeah, well, you suck at cars,” Michael answers a little testy. “But, I heard it.”

Alex raises an eyebrow at him. “I think we have more important things to go over than this rattle you heard,” Alex answers him, the air quotes over rattle evident in his tone.

“Not more important than car safety,” Michael shoots back. ‘Not more important than your safety’ he doesn’t say vocally, but he thinks Alex hears it anyway as his expression softens.

They’re getting better at this, they’re never going to be the kind of men whom words come easily too, but they’ve been working hard at understanding what isn’t being said out loud without turning it into a worst-case scenario.

“Well,” Alex starts, his voice soft. He walks toward Michael, taking his hand and placing his keys in them. “Since I don’t know anything about cars like you said, I would appreciate it if you took a look at it to make sure it’s okay.”

He holds on to Michael’s hand, squeezing it before he lets go. It leaves Michael feeling warm.

Michael nods, biting down on the strange urge to say thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for letting me take care of you.

“The stuff you want to compare to your pictures is in the airstream,” he waves towards his home. “Go see if it’s worth anything while I check this out.”

Alex opens his mouth like he wants to say something else; in the end, he gives him a quirk of his lips and does as Michael says. Michael watches him go until he’s inside the airstream before he starts to work on Alex’s SUV; he’s never been able to not look at Alex until he’s out of sight. He tried for a while when he thought easy was what he wanted, and all it proved was that it was an exercise in pointlessness. He’s never been able to look away from Alex, not really.

In the end, he finds that the noise is because Alex’s car is in pressing need of an oil change. Alex, now sitting in his chair with a beer in his hand, looks at him blankly when he tells him so.

“You do know cars need oil from time to time, right?” he asks, biting down on a grin when Alex shifts in his seat like he hadn’t realized.

A thought enters Michael’s mind, and now he doesn’t hold back his smile. “Do you even know how to change the oil, Alex?”

Alex shoots him an annoyed look, but Michael can see some pink in his cheeks. “I have you for that,” Alex says quietly after a moment looking at Michael from under his lashes.

Michael feels the words under his ribcage. It takes him a moment to catch his breath from the depth of them. He can read what’s underneath them.

“Yeah,” he says just as softly. “You do.”

2.

Alex is focused and determined to the point of self-neglect sometimes. Michael has never known someone so smart and capable, but who could forget something as simple as remembering to eat. He arrives at Jesse Manes’ old bunker. Now, Alien headquarters, and feels the same kind of grim satisfaction he always feels when he steps into it, thinking how much it would infuriate the bastard to know that aliens have taken over his little clubhouse and now use it for the sole purpose of bringing him down, with his youngest son leading the charge.

He finds Alex where he left him the evening before, in the same t-shirt, telling him all he needs to know. Alex hasn’t moved from his computers all night.

“I ran into Maria in town with Buffy,” he calls out, placing the bags of takeout on the main table in the center of the bunker.

“I asked her to check in on her,” Alex answers, still typing away.

“She told me,” Michael answers, pulling out styrofoam containers with Arturo’s enchiladas with red and green sauce, just the way Alex likes them. “She said that if you can’t be a responsible dog dad, she’s going to file for custody of her niece.”

Alex snorts, and Michael guesses the reaction makes sense. Buffy might have warmed up to all of them, Maria the most since she was there when Alex rescued her, but the beagle adores Alex with a passion that rivals Michael’s. No one is taking her away from him; he’s more than sure Buffy wouldn’t let it happen. Alex turns in his chair, lifting a brow when he spots the food.

“What’s all this?” he asks carefully.

“You’ve been staring at those screens way too long if you don’t recognize Arturo’s specialty,” he comments, taking out a second container with his own food. “Now, why don’t you come over here and join me, and if you’re good and eat all your food, there might be a triple chocolate shake in here for you as dessert.”

Alex stands up, making a face down at his leg, and Michael can only imagine how sore it must be from Alex having it on for so long. He spots Alex’s crutch and silently floats it over to Alex. He’s looking down at his food as he cuts into it, but he can feel Alex’s eyes on him as he walks over to the table.

“Christmas style,” Alex says quietly, and when Michael looks up, he finds Alex giving him a grateful smile. He nods back at him as he takes a bite of his food and gestures towards the free space on the couch next to him. Silently he’s grateful Valenti insisted on adding it to the bunker, even if he thinks it gives Alex an excuse to stay down here longer since now he has a place to lay down when he needs rest.

Alex sits next to him, and they eat in silence, only the sound of their forks scraping the bottom filling the room as they finish their food.

“That was so good,” Alex sighs happily, his eyes drooping as he gets comfortable on the couch. Michael puts the garbage back in the bags before reclaiming his place next to Alex. “I could eat my weight in Arturo’s food.”

Michael lifts Alex’s right leg to his lap and starts to do a quick job of taking off Alex’s shoe, followed by the prosthetic, his pant’s leg rolled up. Alex doesn’t startle like he did the first time Michael did this after Alex pulled long hours in the bunker, now he just sinks deeper into the couch, his eyes barely opened as Michael starts to massage the sore muscles. Michael watches him, the way he’s gone soft and relaxed under his touch. How comfortable they are with each other, it’s good, but he wants more.

“Maybe we can do it again,” he starts, pressing a firm thumb under Alex’s knee, right above where his leg ends. Alex lets out a moan, and it makes Michael’s stomach quiver. “Outside, like a date,” he blurts out, and he feels Alex still under his hands. He holds his breath, waits a moment before finally moving his gaze from Alex’s leg to his face.

The shy smile, and brightness of Alex’s eyes help him let go of the breath he’s holding.

“I’d really like that.”

3.

They're all over at Isobel's, he and Max are by the grill. Isobel is making margaritas in the kitchen, regular for the group, and virgin for Rosa, while the resurrected teenager looks on. Valenti is in a corner with Cameron looking like he's trying to make some serious heart eyes in her direction, much to her amusement if the smirk on her lips is anything to go by. While the human trio that is Liz, Alex and Maria are a few feet away from them, laughter breaking out as Maria recounts some date she went on the night before.

"Not to blame the victim," He overhears Liz say. "But this is kind of your fault, didn't we establish never to date guys named Chad? Did the last Chad teach you nothing?

Alex nods in agreement as Maria frowns at both of them.

"He seemed nice," she argues, which earns a snort from both Liz and Alex.

"I don't care if he's a saint," Alex says with a scrunched up face that is cuter than it has any right to be. "Chads are such, Chads."

Maria opens her mouth like she wants to argue some more but in the end, deflates with an exhale. "Yeah, when you're right, you're right."

The humans keep talking, but Michael's focus is on his boyfriend. He looks good in his slim jeans and grey Henley with his sleeves pushed up. He fights the urge to walk over and press himself against him, but they both promised Isobel not to, as she puts it, ‘slobber all over each other.’

He takes offense at the description and the accusing tone with which she said it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to touch and kiss Alex all the time if you’re lucky to have the privilege to do so.

He turns his back to the walking temptation that is Alex Manes and tries to focus on something else. Max is looking fine as he handles the grill and doesn’t seem to need Michael’s help, so he focuses on the small garden Isobel has started.  Flowers litter her yard in what should be a colorful mess but instead give the area vibrancy. He touches a few petals here and there, finally plucking a red carnation.

"Isobel's not going to like that," Alex whispers close to his ear, having walked over to him without Michael noticing.

"You're not going to rat me out, are you?" he asks, turning around to face him, smiling when Alex gets closer to him, as he places his hands on Michael’s hips.

"I'll try not to, but she is a mind reader," Alex teases, grinning when Michael pulls him closer still.

"I'll give you a flower if you hold out," Michael says, presenting him the red carnation. He expects Alex to laugh or roll his eyes. Instead, his face goes soft as he takes the small flower in his hand like it's something precious.

Liz calls out his name, but Alex continues to look at him.

"No one's ever given me a flower before," Alex says softly, running his fingers over the petals, and he gives Michael a wide smile before he walks back to his friend.

*

It sticks with him. That smile on Alex's face over something so simple like a flower sticks with him the rest of the night and then the rest of the week. It sticks with him as he goes into the flower shop on Main street, and as he picks every single flower with careful consideration before he drives out to Alex's cabin with the small bouquet held together by a slim yellow ribbon.

He makes his way up Alex’s walkway with the flowers in his hand, using the key Alex gave him months ago even before they started this up again to open the door. Buffy greets him with an enthusiastic bark, her owner nowhere in sight.

"Alex?" he calls out, taking his boots off to leave them by the entrance. He spots snacks on the coffee table in the living room, and Netflix queued up on the TV, a mellow date is what they usually prefer.

"I'm coming," he gets as an answer from the kitchen. He holds his breath as he hears Alex start to make his way to him.

"Hey, perfect timing, I just turned off the chili," Alex says with a smile as he moves in to greet him.

Michael pulls the bouquet from behind his back, practically thrusting it in Alex's face in his nervousness, Alex startles back, eyeing the flowers and then Michael.

Michael feels his cheeks grow hot, feeling ridiculous before Alex takes the flowers from him.

Holding them close to his face, he breathes them in before he looks back at Michael with the same smile from the other day.

"They’re perfect, thank you," he says quietly. He heads back into the kitchen to put them in water and comes back moments later with two bowls of food.

Two episodes of ‘Queer Eye’ later, Michael is full, warm, and being lulled to sleep as Alex rests practically on him, his head tucked under Michael’s chin, his arms around his waist. He lifts his head, pressing his lips under Michael’s jaw.

“They’re beautiful,” he whispers against his skin. “Happy five months, Michael.”

Michael tightens his hold on him in response.

4.

Maria likes to host events at the Wild Pony and make them participate, he doesn’t know if it’s their love for her or fear, but usually when Maria wants something they all fall in line. Last month it was Alex and Liz belting out 90’s rock like it was their job. The month before that, it was Max, Kyle, and Michael helping out for her ladies' night by serving drinks shirtless. He’s still not sure what Alex said to get out of it, but he remembers the love of his life sitting with Liz and Isobel, smirking in his direction as the female population of Roswell objectified him.

Maria doesn’t ask him to play on her open mic night, but she flashes him a smile of gratitude when she sees him at the sign-up sheet. He figures it’s killing two birds with one stone. He helps someone he cares about, and he shows Alex something he’s been wanting to show him for years.

He’s sitting next to Alex, his knee bouncing, and he’s barely heard the conversation his friends are having around him. Alex places a hand on his thigh, stilling it. He looks at Michael with a worried look.

Michael opens his mouth to reassure him, but he spots Maria making her way up the makeshift stage. He threads his fingers through Alex’s hair and pulls him in for a kiss that Alex returns easily.

“Michael?” Alex asks, concern creeping into his voice.

He presses his forehead against Alex’s, but he doesn’t answer his question, not when Maria is telling the bar of their first participant of the night and calling his name.

Alex pulls back and looks at him with surprised eyes. He just smiles, hoping it hides his nerves, and with one last kiss, he makes his way up to the stage. Maria hands him a guitar with a wink and a ‘go get em.’ Sitting down, he adjusts the mike to where he wants it and picks up the guitar. Looking out at the crowd, he finds his friends all watching him, curious but supportive.

“When I was seventeen,” he starts, licking his lips as he talks. He’s never been one to be open about his feelings, but with Alex, he struggles daily not to shout from the rooftops how in love he is. “I saw a boy I loved, and I’ve never looked away since,” he continues, he thinks he sees that idiot Wyatt make a rude gesture out of the corner of his eye, but it doesn’t matter, not when he finds Alex staring at him in rapt attention. “This is his song,” he finishes.

He places his fingers over the right cords, closes his eyes, and starts to play a song that has been Alex’s since he wrote it over a decade ago. It’s always been his, even when he couldn’t play due to his hand, the song has been Alex’s, just like Michael has been Alex’s.

The song comes to an end, and only then does Michael open his eyes; he doesn’t hear the applause or sees anyone but Alex.

Just Alex.

5.

Alex has been making faces when he thinks he isn’t looking, and Michael knows it’s because of his new prosthetic. When Michael questions if it’s bothering him too much, Alex waves him away, telling him it’s always like this with a new one and that he’ll get used to it soon enough.

Not that it will get better or that the discomfort will go away, no, just that he’ll get used to it. Which in Alex speak means that it’s always going to hurt him, he’s just going to ignore it.

It makes Michael want to hold him close and protect him from anything that causes him pain but also shake him for accepting the pain like it’s his lot in life.

He doesn’t bring it up again because it will probably lead to a fight. Instead, Michael does what he does best, he sciences the shit out of the problem. He studies everything he can get his hands on about the best prosthetics on the market. He sucks it up and talks to Valenti about what he wants to do, and tries not to scowl when the good doctor looks at him like he’s proud of him, before loading him up on all the information he can gather in the hospital about artificial limbs. Armed with all his tools he gets to work, he’s a genius after all; it shouldn’t be that hard to figure out.

It takes him six weeks to build something he thinks is worthy, longer than he expected, and he’s annoyed at himself for taking so long. Alex is still carrying an air of discomfort, and it bothers him.

Alex, of course, notices.

“What’s going on with you?” he asks as they get ready for bed while Alex goes through his nightly PT’s. “You’ve been moody for days.”

Michael looks over at the closet, where he’s hiding the finished prosthetic. He finished it the day before, and Michael marvels at Alex’s timing.

“I have been working on something, and it’s been giving me trouble,” Michael answers, sitting up when Alex stops what he’s doing to look at him.

“The ship?” Alex questions calmly, they’ve come a long way from when his ship was a touchy subject between them.

Michael shakes his head and without a word, gets up and walks towards his closet, pulling out the carefully wrapped limb.

“I made this for you,” he says nervously, placing it on the bed for Alex. He watches and waits for him to unwrap it, swallowing hard when Alex lets out a gasp.

“I’ve worked out all the calculations, weight distribution, the mobility and dexterity you require,” he rushes to explain. “It’s lighter and better cushioned. It shouldn’t cause you as much soreness as the one you have.”

Alex doesn’t look at him; he stares at the prosthetic, reaching out to touch it with shaking fingers.

“Say something,” he whispers, worried when Alex remains silent, his worry spiking up when Alex finally looks up at him with tears running down his face.

“Alex,” he starts, alarmed, but Alex doesn’t let him get anything else out. He finds himself with an armful of Alex Manes, as he crawls into his lap and holds him tight. Michael runs his hands up and down Alex’s back, trying to soothe him, waiting until Alex has calmed down enough to speak.

Alex pulls back, he looks down at the prosthetic and then again at Michael, fresh tears clinging to his lashes. “I love you so much,” Alex whispers, the words hitting Michael square in the chest the way they always do when Alex speaks them.

Alex leans in, pressing his forehead against his, letting out a slow exhale. “Thank you, Michael.”

+1

Michael is in his bunker a week later, tinkering with some compounds when he hears someone come down the ladder. He smiles, knowing who it is, his smile only growing as he watches Alex land on his feet with ease.

“Hey,” he calls out, getting a greeting in return.

“I brought burgers,” Alex says placing the bag he’s carrying on the table.

Michael looks at it, his stomach jumping as he finds a carnation on top of the bag. He picks it up and brings it to his nose before he looks over at Alex. He’s not looking at him but Michael spots his smile anyway. He places the carnation in a glass of water before they sit on his old couch with food in hand.

Catching up on each other’s day, Alex tells him he ran into Liz and she wants them to come over for dinner at Max’s. He watches with a growing frown as every once in a while, Alex rubs his knee.

“Is it bothering you?” he finally questions when they’re done, and Alex is gathering their trash.

“Hmm?”

“Your leg, is it bothering you?” he asks again. “You’ve been rubbing it. I can make adjustments if you need them.”

Alex turns to face him, leaning against Michael’s work table. “The prosthetic is perfect, Michael,” he reassures him. “I’m pretty sure I could run a marathon with it if I were a glutton for punishment.”

Michael laughs at the joke, the worry that had been building easing up. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Alex nods, lifting his leg, flexing it one way and another. “It’s made everything easier,” he answers before he licks his lips, his hand twitching at his side, and Michael frowns again, realizing that while he’s been worried about Alex’s leg, he’s missed that Alex is nervous.

“Including kneeling,” Alex tells him, in a way that sounds meaningful before he does precisely that, and kneels in front of Michael, resting a hand on Michael’s knee.

“I like where this is going, darling,” he teases in the hope that the tension he sees in Alex’s shoulders will loosen. It seems to work as Alex rolls his eyes at him.

“That’s not where I’m going with this, Michael,” Alex says, rolling his eyes again, though it loses it’s punch when there’s a fond smile on his face.

“Well, where are you going with this then?” he asks.

“Where I’m going with this is, this,” Alex takes a deep breath, sticking his hand in his pocket to take out a small black velvet box.

Michael is pretty sure he’s lost the ability to breathe.

“I’m not good at showing how much I love you,” Alex starts, quietly, his eyes never straying from Michael’s. “Not the way you are, Michael. You show me you love me in all the things you do. Changing my car’s oil, picking me wildflowers, making sure I eat because I forget to when I’m working. You stand in front of a crowd and sing me a song you wrote just for me. You build me a leg because you didn’t want me to be in pain. You show me so much love in a million ways and I don’t always know how to show you that I feel the same.”

“Alex,” he whispers, reaching out he touches Alex’s face. His breath catching as Alex turns his head to press a kiss at his palm.

“But I hope you know how much I love you, I’ve always loved you and I always will,” Alex continues, opening the box to reveal a simple gold band before taking Michael’s hand in his. “Marry me?” he asks, the words barely out of his mouth before Michael is hauling him up, dragging him to his lap, his mouth covering Alex’s.

Alex lets him manhandle him, laughing breathlessly into the kiss.

“Is that a yes?” he teases.

When Michael finally lets him breathe, he slips the ring onto Michael’s finger. Michael nods, not bothering with words as he presses Alex into the couch, pulling him into another kiss; he rather show him than tell him anyway.

[rosedavid]

83 on the ways to say ily

sure! thank you for the request! :)

83. “Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

Also they are aged up to high school in this one, but still tw for underage drinking and also death

…

The harsh blue light from Cyrus’s phone combined with the incessant vibrating is enough to rouse him from sleep in the middle of the night. At first, he tries to ignore it, weariness urging him back to sleep; however, as the vibrating continues, he’s unable to ignore it any longer. Rubbing his eyes, Cyrus reaches clumsily for his phone. He squints at the brightness of the screen, just able to make out the blurry contact name. 

It’s TJ. TJ is calling him at nearly 2 AM, not to mention he’s obviously called more than once. Any sleepiness present before has now rapidly left, replaced with such excessive amounts of worrying that Cyrus didn’t even know he had the energy for. He answers with no hesitation. The first thing he hears on the other line is harsh breathing amongst what sounds like EDM playing in the distance. 

“Teej?” Cyrus prompts. “Are you okay?”

Another heavy breath, this time coupled with a sniffle. “Think I messed up, Cy.”

Immediately, Cyrus is on his feet, phone clutched expertly between his shoulder and ear. He starts getting dressed in the first thing he can find, stumbling about his room in a panic while also trying to get more information out of TJ. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what happened,” Cyrus soothes. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard TJ this distraught before. 

It takes a few more sniffles and beats of music before TJ finally speaks again. “I-I didn’t mean, I swear…I jus’, I was so upset, didn’t know what else…”

An overwhelming sense of dread washes over Cyrus. The jumbled, slurred words, over emotionality, pulsing music in the background…TJ must be at a party, and it sounds like he’s drunk. Cyrus wracks his brain, trying to think of if he heard of any parties happening tonight. Suddenly, he remembers one of the more popular people talking before his chemistry class about some party happening at someone’s house…Brendon? Blake? 

“TJ, where are you?” Cyrus asks, hoping he’s at least aware enough to answer that question. 

“I swear I didn’ mean to,” he blubbers. 

“I know you didn’t,” Cyrus shushes, “but I really need to know where you are.”

“…B-br…Brad’s house.”

Brad. Brad from the basketball team. Buffy has his address because they had to do a group project once. He remembers because she never stopped complaining about it. 

“Stay there. I’m coming to get you,” Cyrus instructs, firm yet gentle. 

“Thanks, under...underdog.”

Underdog. Cyrus hasn’t heard that nickname in quite a while, and it brings back all sorts of memories. He’s not sure why TJ stopped calling him that. Maybe it’s because it felt childlike to him, and after they started dating it seemed obscure. Cyrus never really thought about it until now, but hearing it again makes him miss it. It also makes him even more anxious to get to TJ. 

After hanging up with TJ, Cyrus texts Buffy as fast as possible, hoping that her screwed up sleeping times won’t fail him now. Luckily, she responds almost immediately with an address and a message that says, “take care of him.”

Cyrus yanks on a pair of shoes while simultaneously trying to type in the address to google maps. After finding it, he makes his way downstairs in a hurry, not even bothering to try and be quiet. Of course, this alerts his mother, who leaves her room just as Cyrus is grabbing the keys to his car. 

“Cyrus, honey? Where do you think you’re going so late?” she belittles. 

“I-I have to go, mom, please,” he begs. “TJ…he’s in trouble, I think, and I’m really worried about him.”

His mother’s eyes soften. She’s always liked TJ, and she knows just how close the two of them are. She cares about him as if he’s one of her own. Finally, she sighs, rubbing her temples with worry. 

“Please be careful, Cyrus. If you’re not back in half an hour…” she trails off in warning. 

“I will be! We’ll come straight back,” he assures her, because of course he would never leave TJ alone, not in this state.

“Okay then.”

Cyrus thinks that it’s the end of the conversation, but before he can leave, his mother adds, “Keep him safe, Cyrus.”

“I will.”

…

Ten minutes later, Cyrus is at the source of the raging party. The house looks like a complete disaster, even from the outside. Litter is everywhere, mostly plastic cups and food. There’s people passed out on the lawn, and others chatting wildly. Inside, music and lights pulse vibrantly. It’s so loud that Cyrus can here it from inside his car across the street. He can see the shadows of the people partying inside. He gulps, preparing himself to face it, as TJ doesn’t appear to be outside. 

The party is even worse indoors. There are so many people crammed into such a tiny, little space. As Cyrus walks through the crowd, people constantly bump into him, not paying any mind as they dance and shout, drinks sloshing in their hands. Cyrus swallows back his anxiety and focuses on finding TJ. He doesn’t see anyone he recognizes, so there’s no way he could ask someone if they’ve seen him. But then he gets lucky. 

“–yeah, he’s been in there forever, sounds real upset, too,” someone says in the crowd. 

“Is he drunk?” the other person replies. 

“Think so, yeah. Never seen him like that on the team before–”

Cyrus assumes it has to be TJ. He doesn’t wait to hear anymore information before he buts into the conversation. “Excuse me, are you talking about TJ Kippen?”

The two boys who were talking glare at him, obviously not too pleased about being eavesdropped on. Still, the first one decides to answer him. “Yeah, he’s been in the bathroom upstairs for a while. Locked himself in.”

Cyrus abruptly leaves, ignoring the shouts at his back. He hurries up the stairs, weaving around everyone as quickly as he can. Finally, he arrives upstairs, and immediately hears TJ’s voice mumbling to himself. He knocks on the door loudly. 

“TJ! It’s Cyrus, open up,” he calls out. 

“Cy?” TJ says in confusion. It takes a few seconds for him to stand to unlock and open the door, but those few seconds didn’t nearly prepare Cyrus enough. 

TJ looked horrible. Bags sit under his red rimmed eyes, hand shaking. An empty cup sits on the counter, but Cyrus assumes based on his state that he’s hand more. His hair is mused, probably from continuously running his hands through it as he often does when he’s nervous. 

“Y-You came,” he whispers, practically falling into his arms with relief. Cyrus squeezes him back tightly, overwhelmed with relief that TJ’s ok…at least, okay enough.

“Of course I came,” Cyrus whispers into his ear. “But we got to get you out of here.”

“No…can’t…can’t go home,” he stutters, “My parents…”

“Don’t worry, I’m taking you back to mine.”

With that, TJ finally agrees with a nod. Cyrus leads him down the stairs, holding his hand the whole way to help him maneuver his way through without falling flat on his face. He ignores the stares, making his way straight out the front door with TJ in tow. Although TJ seems aware of what’s going on, he also seems to remain in a sort of daze. Cyrus wonders what could have possibly made him do something so brash like this. Although he knows TJ can be impulsive sometimes, Cyrus would never have expected him to do this. 

They make it back to Cyrus’s car in one piece. TJ attempts to do the buckle himself, but his hands shake too much. Cyrus ends up buckling him in. As they start driving, TJ is much quieter than he was before. Maybe it’s the affects of the alcohol wearing off, but he still seems quieter than usual. 

“What happened, TJ?” Cyrus asks, unable to hold it back any longer. “Why…why would you drink?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“There has to be a reason, TJ,” he replies. “I just want to help you.”

TJ snaps, “You can’t help!” Suddenly, he softens. The hum of the car separates his words. “You can’t bring her back.”

His words register to Cyrus all at once. He remembers how TJ had been feeling a bit down because he couldn’t visit his grandmother this weekend, but he had no idea why he was so upset about it. She must have been sick. She must have died. The woman that TJ was so close to.

“Oh, Teej,” Cyrus whispers. They feel so far apart suddenly, even though they’re just separated by the station between the car seats. Cyrus reaches his hand over until he find’s TJ’s fingers to intertwine with his own. “I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t get to say goodbye,” he whispers, sniffling again. “I-I didn’t mean to…”

“I know. I know how hard it is,” Cyrus winces, “but you know that alcohol wasn’t the right option.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Are you mad at me?”

Cyrus bites his lip. He doesn’t know how to feel. He’s upset that TJ’s upset, but he’s also upset that TJ resorted to something so drastic instead of talking with someone. But, he understands how deep the ache in TJ must be right now. He understands perfectly well how it feels like that ache will never go away. Maybe TJ was being stupid, but he can’t stay mad at him. 

“No, TJ. I wish you wouldn’t have done this, but you called me, and that’s all that matters.”

“I’m sorry.”

TJ seems to be apologizing a lot. It’s strange to hear those words coming from his mouth so often, especially considering their first encounter at the swing. Cyrus remembers how he never really could apologize, and he even struggled with it later. Now, though, it seems like it’s all he can do. Cyrus wonders how long he’s been bottling all of this up for. 

By the time they arrive home, Cyrus’s mother is of course still awake. She sits on the sofa, appearing to be reading a book but Cyrus knows she probably is just staring at it. When he comes in the door with TJ, an audible sigh of relief escapes her lips. 

“Hi honey,” she says to TJ, obviously aware right away about what’s going on. “You’re welcome to stay here tonight, okay? I set up the mattress in Cyrus’s room.”

“T-thank you,” he whispers. “I…I didn’t…”

“I know, TJ. Just get some sleep.”

Sure enough, an air mattress is already set up in Cyrus’s room. He helps TJ onto it, although TJ seems to already be feeling a bit more aware. There’s a cup of water on his nightstand, and he hands the glass to TJ who drinks it slowly. 

“You need to get some rest,” Cyrus repeats from what his mother said.

“Yeah,” TJ agrees softly. “I just…you don’t hate me now, do you Cy?”

“I could never hate you even if I tried, Teej. We’ll talk more in the morning, ok?”

Before Cyrus can make a move to leave, TJ clutches his wrist. “Stay until I fall asleep? Please?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Cyrus settles onto the floor, hand reaching up to run through TJ’s locks. His eyes flutter shut, and he curls in on himself. It only takes a few minutes before he’s fast asleep. 

Cyrus sighs, reaching down to take off his shoes carefully without waking him. He then pulls the covers up higher on TJ and makes sure his head is elevated before heading back downstairs to explain to his mom what happened. Before he leaves the room, though, he takes one last look at his boyfriend sleeping peacefully, taking in the fact that he’s safe. 

[bored-fan-bs-thoughts]

Tyrus Fic: Fake Dating

I know this has been done a thousand times, but I had this written and I didn’t want it to go to waste. T.J. and Cyrus “dating” to convince Cyrus’s Aunt Ruthie that he has a boyfriend. Enjoy!

Cyrus asks Aunt Ruthie if he can bring his friend Buffy to their annual family party, but she’s more interested in whether or not she’s his girlfriend. Cyrus sighs. Sometimes he wishes he could just have a giant sign across him that says ‘I’m gay,’ but he knows social stigmas would make that not very safe for someone with his considerable lack of physical strength.

“Why can’t you get a girlfriend already?” Aunt Ruthie asks.

Cyrus doesn’t know what compels him to respond in the way he does, but he’s just tired of hiding. He doesn’t question if she’ll respond negatively. He just says, “Maybe because I’m gay.” He immediately regrets saying it. His Aunt’s face morphs into a look of confusion…and Cyrus almost thinks there’s a little bit of disgust. Cyrus is mistaken though 

“Okay,” she says, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I do, actually,” Cyrus lies.

“Oh, really?” she says, cocking an eyebrow. “What’s his name?”

“Uh, T.J.” Cyrus immediately regrets that answer. He knows it’s not smart. He knows T.J.’s not homophobic, but he assumes the guy is uncomfortable with acting gay, especially around Cyrus’s entire family. He’s bracing himself for the next statement he knows is sure to come out of his Aunt’s mouth.

“Are you bringing him to the family picnic next week?”

“I don’t know,” Cyrus says, “I haven’t asked him yet.” Meaning, I haven’t even asked him to be my boyfriend yet and he’s probably straight, like statistically speaking. She doesn’t need to know that part, though.

------------

A couple days later, Cyrus finds himself hanging out with T.J. in his own room. He needs to tell T.J. for him to pretend to be in a relationship with him for a day, but he can’t quite get the words out. His friendship with T.J. has seemed so effortless in the past couple weeks. He doesn’t need his weird request to make everything different between them. He decides that it’s now or never. He’s beginning to realize that this conversation is not really going to arise naturally out of their study hang-out, so he just decides to bring it up out of the blue.

“So I may have told my Aunt that I have a boyfriend,” Cyrus says interrupting T.J. from his math homework.

“Okay?” he responds, “You don’t, right?”

“Correct,” Cyrus responds. T.J. nods his head as if to tell him to go on with his explanation. “I just got annoyed with her constant questioning of when I was going to get a girlfriend and it just slipped out.”

“Well, I don’t really know what to say,” T.J. says.

“The thing is, she thinks his name is T.J. and wants to meet him,” Cyrus says cautiously. T.J. doesn’t know how to respond. “Sorry, you were the first boy that popped into my head!”

“I’m the first boy you think of when you think of a boyfriend?” T.J. says. He has a typical confident grin plastered on his face. Of course he’s using this as an opportunity to boost his own ego.

Cyrus freezes, and a blush makes its way onto his cheeks. He stutters to make a coherent excuse even though the truth is exactly what T.J. is hinting at.

“It was a joke,” T.J. assures him. “So do you need me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?”

“Yeah. There’s a big family party next weekend. It’s totally cool if you don’t want to—“

“Cyrus, I’ll do it,” he says, cutting Cyrus off. Cyrus just smiles. “Do I just have to hold your hand and give you cheek kisses or something?”

“Oh, yeah,” Cyrus responds, a bit too quickly for his liking. “That’s good.” T.J. nods. “I mean it’s like neutral. I guess.”

“Don’t get too excited,” T.J. mumbles. It’s clearly meant to be a joke, but Cyrus can’t help but notice that T.J. looks genuinely hurt.

“No. I mean, at least I’ll have someone to hang out with,” Cyrus reasons. “We need a story, though. Like how we started dating, how long it’s been, et cetera.”

T.J. pulls an extra sheet of notebook paper out of his spiral and grabs his pencil. “Let’s get to work.”

“You have homework,” Cyrus says, gesturing to the textbook sitting between them.

“This is much better than homework,” T.J. says with a teasing grin.

Great, Cyrus thinks, I’ve opened myself up to a whole new world of teasing.

“What should I wear?” T.J. asks first, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Well, it’s a picnic, but it’s sort of a fancy picnic,” Cyrus says. “Although, people usually dress pretty casually. No hoodies.”

“Hey,” T.J. says in mock offense, “I thought you liked my all hoodie wardrobe.”

“I do,” Cyrus says, “But it’s not the greatest way to make a good impression on my extended family. They can be somewhat traditional.”

T.J. laughs in understanding.

—————

Cyrus was on FaceTime with Andi and Buffy the entire morning leading up to the party. He knows it’s not real, but he’s afraid his true desires will be revealed tonight. He spent forever picking out the right shirt and styling his hair. His friends yelled at him to calm down many times, but it did nothing to ease his nerves. 

When T.J. arrives at his house with flowers, Cyrus knows he’s in a for a wild ride. There is a cheesy, seemingly lovesick look in his eyes as he leans forward to give him a kiss on his cheek.

“Hi, babe,” T.J. whispers to him. It crosses Cyrus’s mind that he really doesn’t have to do that when it’s just them and his parents can’t hear him, but he is not about to complain. Before he can respond, Cyrus hears steps from behind him signaling the arrival of his parents.

“Dad and Sharon,” Cyrus says, “You both know T.J.”

“It’s nice to see you again,” his dad says, extending his hand to shake T.J.’s. “You’re dating my son?”

T.J. nods as he grasps Cyrus’s hand. “Yeah, it’s been about three months.”

His parents nod. Smiles are plastered on their faces, but he can tell there’s something more quizzical. It’s as if they’re assessing whether or not to actually trust the tale they’ve created.

Nevertheless, They both nod and invite T.J. in, explaining that they’ll be leaving in about twenty minutes. T.J. hands Sharon the flowers which certainly seem to win her over a little bit. Cyrus makes a mental note to thank him for that later.

—————

T.J. seems surprisingly at ease with their dating scheme. He is amazing at being polite (when he wants to), and he keeps the PDA to a level that is believable but not overwhelming. Cyrus finds himself just going along with what T.J. does because he’s too nervous to initiate anything himself. Cyrus can’t lie. He very much likes “having a boyfriend,” especially when that boyfriend is T.J.

They are about an hour into socializing when they’re approached by his Aunt Ruthie. Cyrus instinctively grabs onto T.J.’s hand in a slight panic. Aunt Ruthie isn’t scary per se, but she often makes snap judgements about people and she holds onto grudges for far longer than anyone ever should. She looks T.J. up and down with a critical eye.

“Aunt Ruthie, this is my boyfriend, T.J.,” Cyrus says nervously.

T.J. gives his hand a reassuring squeeze before smiling and greeting his Aunt.

“He doesn’t look Jewish,” is the first thing that comes out of her mouth.

Cyrus freezes and attempts to speak, but he stumbles over his words.

“My family’s not really religious,” T.J. explains, “But I would be willing to convert for Cyrus.”

Cyrus’s heart flutters for a second before he reminds himself that this is not real. It’s all for the sake of their scheme. And T.J.’s statement seems to have served its purpose because his Aunt smiles and lets out a small laugh.

The rest of the party is easeful. Cyrus grows more comfortable with the casual touches between them and even begins to initiate his own. Getting the approval of his Aunt was truly an accomplishment, and Cyrus knows the comfortable swag of his best friend is enough to win anyone over when he’s not terrorizing people.

—————

When the party is dying down, T.J. and Cyrus find a quiet spot to get away from the crowd. They sit on a bench in a part of the backyard that isn’t infested with flies. When they sit down, T.J. rests his arm across the bench behind him. Cyrus doesn’t think it’s necessary when there’s no one around, but he is definitely not going to complain.

“You are a fantastic fake boyfriend,” Cyrus says. “You even won over Aunt Ruthie! She doesn’t like anyone.”

“What can I say?” T.J. says with a smug smile. “No one can resist my undeniable charm.”

Cyrus smiles, but he definitely agrees with the boy’s statement. A thick silence passes over them. T.J. shifts in his seat. He removes his hand from behind Cyrus, who tries not to be too disappointed by that, and begins to fumble with his hands.

“Cy,” T.J. says. His voice is soft and unsure. He can’t seem to look up from his hands in his lap. “Today was a really nice day.”

“I thought so, too,” Cyrus says with a smile. His heart flutters from T.J.’s vulnerability. T.J. removes his hand from behind Cyrus and places it in his lap. Cyrus notices a shift in his mood. He seems nervous. Unsettled. Cyrus is about to ask if he’s okay before T.J. speaks.

“Am I crazy to, maybe, want to do it for real?” T.J. whispers. Cyrus’s heart nearly stops. He looks over at T.J. who’s eyes are focused only on his hands. He smiles, frozen with surprise.

“No,” he says, “Because then we’d both be crazy.”

T.J.’s eyes slowly meet Cyrus’s to search for any sign of deception. When he finds sincerity, T.J.’s face breaks into a wide, bashful smile. His eyes full of love and joy.

“Can I kiss you?” T.J. asks.

Cyrus answers with a nod before leaning forward to connect his lips with T.J.’s. It’s a short kiss, but it’s already a hundred times better than the two he shared with Iris. His eyes meet T.J.’s, who looks like his whole life was made. Cyrus finds it intoxicating that he can have this effect on others, especially on T.J. His cheeks heat up and he ducks his head to burrow it into T.J.’s chest. He feels T.J.’s arm wrap around him.

“We have to leave soon,” Cyrus says, his voice muffled by T.J.’s shirt.

“I don’t want this night to end,” T.J. says, tightening his grip on Cyrus.

“Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty more nights like this,” Cyrus promises.

The smile that overtakes T.J.’s face is the most brilliant sight that Cyrus has ever seen, and Cyrus can’t believe he gets to kiss that face now.

[zalrb]

What do you think are the successes and downfalls of Shonda Rhimes' shows?

I think Shonda is good at creating torturous relationships and I don’t mean that they’re well-written, I mean that they’re portrayed well, I believe the tumultuous, gut-wrenching, push-pull relationships

She’s good at getting actors who,  for the most part, have chemistry together (romantic, platonic etc)

and she’s good at getting solid to good actors

I also think she’s good at drama, she’s good at knowing what will get people to tune in even if it’s ridiculous

However, I think she is bad at story.

One thing that gets old and is kind of clunky is that whatever case the main characters work on actually reflects what’s happening in their personal lives, it’s kind of interesting for the first couple of seasons of Grey’s (Derek has to make a choice between Addison and Meredith and it’s somehow comparable to the surgical team having to make a choice between which patient gets to live and who has to die)

but when Scandal does it (Olivia “betrayed” Fitz with the election rigging and she’s working for a couple where the wife betrayed her husband by cheating on him and they’re both having simultaneous arguments about how their respective relationships are ruined)

and Private Practice does it (this teenage boy goes around biting girls because of the vampire craze or something and one girl gets sick because the boy is sick and she doesn’t want to tell them who bit her because she ‘loves’ him but he’s cheating on her by biting other girls - it’s been a long time since I’ve watched Private Practice - and Charlotte and Cooper are having issues so Charlotte draws on their pain to relate)

it becomes a crutch and it becomes predictable, cases - at least to me - become less exciting because it all relates back to the thorough storyline in really obvious ways.

When it comes to relationships, she likes middles because middles are where all the meat is, where all the drama is, where all the fun is so she just wants to be here:

all the time.

But how did we get here? Fitz sees Olivia and is automatically attracted to her, fine, but why do they have this Romeo-Juliet-esque tragic love story? I can glean what he’s supposed to love about her but what does she love about him?

Also Fitz has no real obstacles; he isn’t torn between his presidency and Olivia, his wife and Olivia, his kids and Olivia, he will do literally anything and everything for her so then the dramatic tension is nonexistent, Olivia having a fear of commitment sort of becomes a bullshit excuse when there are arguments like this:

consistently because she has no reason to be this upset when Fitz and some of that is an Olivia problem as a character and some of that is a writing problem because Shonda didn’t give them real stakes -- him being married and the president doesn’t matter if Fitz doesn’t care about either of those things.

Derek and Meredith had more substance than Olitz in the sense that at least Derek had tried to work things out with Addison for an entire season as a way to do the right thing and Meredith’s commitment issues did get tiring, considering that I believe the entirety of season 4 is dedicated to her going to therapy to get over them but they weren’t as exhausting but I still had issues with their narrative. For the most part, their chemistry made them work but they had a one-night stand, I guess the sex was great and suddenly that means they love each other? In the first season just before Addison shows up, Meredith talks about how she knows literally nothing about him, they have no conversations, why exactly is their love story so grand?

Lexie and Mark, what do they do, what do they talk about, he finds her attractive, she finds him attractive so they have sex but why is it love? Why is it this? Why is it this deep? I find the angst super fun but I don’t find any reason for it.

Mellie and Fitz, the narrative kept changing to the suit the needs of the story, in one iteration they’re happy

In the next iteration there was never any love, it was just a merger

Then Fitz doesn’t want Mellie sleeping with Andrew

and this would be fine, if this were about their different perspectives on their marriage, if the point was how memory can be deceptive, if we really dug into why Fitz doesn’t want Andrew and Mellie sleeping together, but the way it plays out it just looks like inconsistent writing.

Another aspect of being bad at story is about narrative framing and characters, specifically in Scandal. Olivia’s descent doesn’t work for me because when we meet Olivia she’s jaded and breaking the law and she’s representing rich, white powerful people in Washington D.C. She doesn’t come across as a Gladiator, she doesn’t come across as wearing the White Hat or fighting the good fight, she comes across as a woman who uses her skills to keep powerful people powerful and so when it’s supposed to be this whole thing about how she’s become a monster, how she’s becoming B6-13, how she becomes a murderer, it would be more poignant if we started when Olivia was naive and idealistic and we see her cut more corners and become more and more corrupted the longer she’s in this world but She comes into the show savvy, including the flashbacks when she meets Fitz, which would be fine if they did what they did with Giles in BTVS where he’s book smart but lacks street smarts until he starts working with Buffy. But we don’t do that.

Shonda also reuses a lot of storylines (I mean I already spoke about the crutches and also, Olivia and Meredith are very different characters but they both have the commitment issues, the parental issues) and one that comes to mind is female characters who are considered unlikable or difficult being raped. It’s not a storyline I particularly care for

And after a while, Shonda shows just get to a state of ridiculousness that I tune out, I can only watch bombs in hospitals and hospital shootings and plane crashes so much before it stops exciting me. B6-13 can only be an exciting threat for so long, moving onto an organization that is B6-13 Plus isn’t going to get me excited. Private Practice actually just got dull for me.

[nerdsideofthemedia]

BB & Renora

I usually don’t tend to spend so much time on shipping, but this one, it feels like the reason is so questioned and even denied is in no small part due to homophobia and heteronormativity. Honestly, if you keep denying it’s basically almost certain now, I’d call it homophobia, unless you don’t think Renora became canon in V4 either. The parallels are as on the nose as they can be and BB had much more romantic buildup and this is part of what I intend to show here.

Just to make things clear, I am not doing this to attack Renora. I think that romance was handled well enough, it’s just too bad that it’s demanded a whole lot more from LGBTQ+ couples. I just want to show that if we want to be pedantic nitpickers who find justifications to see Renora as just a friendship, we can do that, so how come only BB is subjected to such scrutiny?

 What was the evidence for Renora before V4?

Was it Nora touching Ren’s nose and saying “Boop”? They’re childhood friends, it’s normal for them to be very close and have gestures specific to them. OK, I don’t really have to guess, because a BSer decided to start a conversation with me, complaining how me saying stuff like BB is canon or close to that made LGBTQ+ raise expectations and the writers would have to deal with queerbaiting accusations when BS becomes canon, which: yes, if BS happens, there will be queerbaiting accusations, which would be more than fair and would have nothing to do with me. (Not that I don’t appreciate it, I just don’t really think I wield that much power within the RWBY community). Fortunately, they did direct to a post about the Renora romantic hints:

        - Boop, but if we’re looking at songs, BB isn’t lacking those, including the very first one Red Like Roses. All that Matters and Armed and Ready have lines with romantic connotation and I’ll always argue that though Bmblb isn’t canon, it would have been extremely stupid to create such a song with no intention on delivering. Queerbaiting is not seen as a good thing. Also I’d like to remind you that RT has been supportive of LGBTQ+ with 2 of the main RWBY VAs being bi. 

        - Jaune, the oblivious guy, picked it up when he asked Ren how he and Nora had gotten together, to which I say: Jaune, the oblivious guy, could have easily misinterpreted a close friendship as a romantic relationship.

        - Ren stammers when correcting Jaune and he is usually cool and collected. Still, I’d say it’s normal for teenagers to act that way when there’s crush accusation. That’s exactly how I was as a teenager, even if I didn’t have a crush on the guy. 

        - Nora’s words: “What are the odds we’d still be together?” followed by “Well, not ‘together-together’… Not that I’m not saying that you’re not handsome; you are handsome, but that’d just be weird, right?”, which the person argued “After that she’s just fumbling for words, and reveals more about how she feels about Ren. She didn’t have to say anythinggg. But she did, and now we know that she thinks Ren is handsome (well, duh). If her feelings for him were completely platonic, she wouldn’t have said anything like that. There’d be no reason for her to. Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.”

When I was a teenager, I literally fumbled over words in a pretty similar way to Nora, including the handsome part, I was not interested in the guy I said that to.

Yes, this isn’t real life, it’s a show, so words like those maybe should have a better reason to be there then verisimilitude of teenage awkwardness, I guess – it’s debatable. Here’s the thing, how can you argue romance as not only one possible interpretation, but THE correct interpretation because of the implication of such words, yet deny the romance as a possible interpretation of Yang and Blake’s scenes despite the implication of a girl flirting with another while phrasing it “coming out tomorrow”, or associating those 2 girls with the word “love”, or having one of the girls stroking a photo of the other one or traveling on a ship named “Pride” or having the ex-boyfriend asking “what does she even see in you?” – all of which are far far more coded as romantic than any of the Renora moments. I think the “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.” applies to all the cases described.

 Renora became undeniable at the end of V4 though, as Ren put his hand over Nora’s. They look at each other, both of them know what that means.

Wait, no, sorry, wrong pictures.

As I was saying they look at each other: they both know what that means. That’s right, they’re really good friends. Wait… no. They’re in love. That’s it. They’re in love.

Did you get my joke and what was being called out or do I have to be even more obvious?

I’m going to flat out say it: if you consider Renora became canon in that moment in V4, BB should be considered canon now. They parallel each other, and the whole excuse that Blake and Yang only held hands to show support after facing their demon can also be used for Renora.

 Just a few bonus anti-BB arguments:

Yang can’t represent Yang in Yin-Yang because she’s not a man

Sun doesn’t embody all the concepts of Yang either, so it’s weird to draw an exclusion criteria for Yang but not for Sun (or Blake for that matter). If only Yang hadn’t used a yellow dress, it could have driven the point of Yin-Yang. Wait…

It didn’t actually click for me as to why Yang used a white dress until I watched Passion of the Nerd’s video on Primeval (Buffy). While watching it, I was like:

(Apparently, Yang’s dress was supposed to be yellow, but there was an animation problem. Still, it was a cool thought)

“We can’t trust Adam, he’s delusional even Blake said so herself”

Adam clearly had his reasons to believe those were their feelings, because he didn’t show jealousy immediately. Also why would the writers write those lines with no intention on delivering? Adam didn’t need to be jealous to attack Yang – he wanted to hurt Blake, so attacking her to hurt the latter would be good enough reason, not to mention she was standing in the way of his mission.

Again, I quote the person who tried to defend Renora, yet attack BB: “Like seriously if I was writing two characters that were only meant to be platonic, I would never write a scene like that. The implication of those words are too strong.“

 Ruin the team dynamics

I find it funny that the people who criticize Yang for not making her life revolve around Ruby are also the ones who complain about how Bumblebee ruins team dynamics because two characters now prioritize each other. I’m sure this isn’t motivated by homophobia, especially considering the same logic is never used for Renora and even Arkos (don’t even bother with team JNPR aren’t main characters: they’ve appeared almost as much as the main ones), and misogyny, because how dare Yang not be completely about putting Ruby first at all times?

If having 2 sisters on the same team doesn’t ruin the dynamics, then a romantic relationship doesn’t either. It’s not like sisters don’t put each other first too.

I just address the assertion she treated Summer poorly which is based on absolutely nothing other than crapping on a female character just for the sake of it. Yang probably loved Summer and thought she was her mother until told otherwise which happened after Summer’s death.

 They ruined Adam because of BB

They didn’t. Adam was never intended to be an anti-hero with a chance for redemption. If you had that idea, it’s on you. His death didn’t happen just because either – it did because it ended both Yang and Blake’s arcs, it marked the end of a chapter in their lives as well as the beginning of their relationship which is only possible precisely because they confronted their demons. It’s the ultimate obstacle that confirms that Blake will no longer run and instead faces her demon and Yang confronted her abandonment issues in V5 when she talked to Raven, yet she still had to deal with the pain caused by Blake leaving and trust her. Their fight with Adam and her reassuring Blake she knows she won’t leave shows Yang knows Blake isn’t Raven: one ran out of selfishness, while the other ran out of selflessness, however misguided. Adam going down is tied to their closure.

And for the love of all that is good and pure, stop saying a relationship isn’t healthy because someone was hurt. Yes, it’s true we should avoid hurting each other, but to think we’ll never hurt someone and call a relationship abusive as soon as someone is hurt is ridiculous. There are no healthy relationships by that standard.

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

[anarcoqueer1994]

Pretend Boyfriends

This was a really cute request by @tyrus-is-everything . The prompt was TJ and Cyrus pretend to date to get Kira to back off TJ but then end up together at the end. I hope y"all like it. It was a fun story to do. There is minor fluffy angst.

"Ugh…" TJ throws his hands on his face before dramatically falling back on Cyrus' bed. The two of them are supposed to be studying for a math test but TJ is obviously distracted. Cyrus, sitting across the room in a chair by his desk ,looks at the other boy. He takes the opportunity to enjoy how cute the blonde is while TJ has is face covered.

After a moment of staring, he snaps out of it. He clears his throat causing the jock to sit up and look at him. "Something on your mind, Teej?"

"Its Kira, dude. She is so clingy. She is always texting me, always asking to hang out. I don't exactly mind her, like she is cool to play some pick up games at the park with but she wants to hang out all the time. She just texted me asking to go to the park with her. I told her I am studying but she keeps texting me. Do you think she could have a crush on me?"

Cyrus shifts uncomfortably in his seat at the last question. He tries to regain his composure. He knows he shouldn't feel jealous over the idea that someone else likes TJ, but he does. But who wouldn't like TJ? He is so sweet, and the best looking guy at school, a great athlete…

"Hello, earth to Cyrus?" TJ waves his hand. He must have noticed Cyrus zoning out. Cyrus snaps back into it, slightly blushing. "Oh sorry, I'm a little out of it. What were you saying?"

"Kira, Cy. Do you think she could like me?"

"I mean it is pretty obvious she does. But I also think that she thinks you like her back."

TJ's face distorts in confusion. "Why would she think that?"

"Well you do spend a lot of time together. She flirts with you all the time and you are just so oblivious to it that you don't say anything. You even gave her a piggyback ride."

"I told you Cyrus, she bet me I couldn't carry her."

Cyrus rolls his eyes. "Yea but typically if someone randomly jumps on your back, or you know, constantly wants to around you, they probably like you more than just a friend."

"God, I'm an idiot. I can't believe I missed all that." TJ returns his hands to his face. "I want to make it clear to her somehow that I am not interested in her that way!"

Cyrus jokingly suggests "You can always get a girlfriend so she gets the hint that you are taken."

TJ suddenly gets a huge smile on his face. "That's a great idea!" 

"TJ, I was joking. How do you expect to get a girl just to go along with pretending to be with you just to get Kira off your back. Wouldn't it be easier just to talk to her?"

"First of all, no. Talking to her always just leads back to us talking about her. It is impossible to have a real conversation with her. Secondly, who said it had to be a girl? As long as she thinks I'm taken the plan will work. In fact, it could be anyone." TJ gets a devious look on his face and smirks at Cyrus.

"Oh no. No way TJ." Cyrus puts up his hands.

"Why Cyrus? It would be perfect. You're my best friend  and the only one I can trust with this. Plus you wouldn't have to keep it up for long. After she gets the hint that I don't like her, we could "break up" because we realized we are better as friends or something. Please Cyrus?" TJ flashes those puppy dog eyes. If only he realized how much those eyes made Cyrus' heart melt.

Cyrus lets out a sigh. "Let's say I agree, where would we do this?

"Well I was thinking there is that winter festival tomorrow night, I know she will be there. We can go together like a pretend date?"

"Fine, I'll do it. I will be your pretend boyfriend." Cyrus gives a small smile.

"Thank you so much! You have no idea what this means to me!" TJ gets up and walks across the room. He throws his arms around Cyrus. He continues "Really, thank you." 

TJ's arms linger around Cyrus far longer than a random hug. Cyrus clears his throat again, seemingly shocking the other back to reality. TJ pulls away quickly.

"Sorry about that Cyrus, you know, just trying to rehearse what to do as your boyfriend." He gives a nervous laugh.

Cyrus, trying not to read too much into it, replies, "Yeah, rehearsing is good. Um we should get back to math."

"Yea, you're right. We should study." The other boy says, sounding equally as flustered. 

That night, neither boy could sleep. Both were thinking about that hug in Cyrus' bedroom and what laid ahead the following evening.

*************

They decided to meet at TJ's house before heading to the festival. Cyrus is nervous as he walks to TJ's front door. He has been here so many times before but this time feels different. This time his heart feels like is was going to fly out his chest at any moment. He has to remind himself that this is pretend. Maybe the flowers were too much he thinks to himself. TJ only likes you as a friend he keeps saying in head.

On the other side of the door is an equally nervous boy. He has redone his hair at least 3 times. Amber, his big sister, is trying to calm him down. She smiles as she finishes fixing his hair, washing out some of the excess gel. Her brother hasn't admitted his crush on his best friend to anyone. But Amber can tell. She wants tonight to go well for him.

The doorbell rings, and TJ practically trips running down the steps to answer it. Before opening the door, he reminds himself to stay cool. Unfortunately, it takes everything in him not to go full heart eyes when he opens the door. There Cyrus was, cheeks pink from the cold air, standing in front of him with a bouquet of violets and white roses. He looked so cute. "Hey Underdog."

"Hey, not-so-scary-basketball-guy. I um brought you these, I figured it would help us stay in character if we play the part completely. You know, method acting." Cyrus says as a lame excuse. In reality, he thought the colors would look pretty with the contrast to TJ's bright green eyes. He hands them to the taller boy.

"I love them. These are great. Thank you, Cyrus." He gives a soft smile. "Let me put these in some water and we can go."

Soon enough they were making their way to the festival. When they walk through the gates, they see a massive ice rink full of people skating and having fun. There are stands with hot chocolate, and winter crafts for kids. Further back, people are sledding down a long hill. String lights fill the open air space with a warm glow. 

TJ looks over at Cyrus' face. He looks so happy and cute. His face is filled with pure joy, looking like a kid who has just walked into a winter wonderland. He takes this opportunity to slide his hand into Cyrus'. He expects some resistance but only feels the warmth of the other boy's hand squeezing back before intertwining their fingers. Cyrus says in a barely audible tone "Got to keep up the role right?" Before pointing somewhere with his eyes. TJ follows his line of direction to Kira, standing near a food tent staring at them. 

Cyrus speaks again. "I think she definitely sees us. You think she will get the hint?" 

"I hope so but we should keep this up for the rest of the night just in case." TJ says in a voice that almost sounds foreign. Cyrus swears that he almost sounds nervous even.

"Of course." Cyrus smiles. "Wanna go skating? It is one of the only athletic things I can do without completely embarrassing myself."

"Yeah, that sounds great." TJ responds as he starts to lead the brunette to the skate rental booth. As they step closer, they see some familiar faces. Buffy and Andi are standing in line waiting to rent their skates. Cyrus starts to internally panic as he and TJ get closer. He forgot to fill his friends in on this plan. What if they blow their cover? Cyrus pleads with whatever G-d is out there to stop his friends from noticing him. No such luck.

Buffy spots them right away. She calls over. "Cyrus, TJ over here." 

TJ, not realizing what could go wrong, happily pulls Cyrus to the others, still holding hands. 

"Hey, I didn't know you guys were coming." Andi says. "Cyrus said he had plans tonight." Her eyes shoot down to the boys' intertwined fingers. "Oh my god. Are you guys on a date?"

Neither boy answers, unsure what to do. Buffy smiles at them. "You guys are, aren't you? I am so excited for you! Finally, right?"

With those words Cyrus' heart drops. Buffy just unintentionally opened a can of worms he wanted to keep shut. TJ speaks next. "What do you mean by finally?"

"Well you know, Cyrus had such a crush on you for so long and literally anyone with eyes could see that you liked him just as much. I am just surprised you didn't do this sooner." She says nonchalantly as the group of kids get their skates. 

Cyrus quickly interjects "Well, um, we are going to go skate now. " He sounds anxious and even with the cold air around them, Cyrus feels clammy. He pulls TJ away from their friends, who look completely confused, and to the rink.

He keeps expecting TJ to call this whole plan off. He expects TJ to be freaked out. He expects him to regret ever becoming his friend. But when it comes to TJ Kippen, you should never expect one thing, because you will get something else. TJ seems to pretend like that entire conversation didn't even happen. He goes on with their fake date. He appears completely unfazed as he pulls Cyrus onto the ice. That is, of course, on the outside.

On the inside TJ was a bundle of nerves. Was Buffy right? Did Cyrus really like him in the same way he liked Cyrus? Could this be a thing? Could he really date the boy of his dreams? He was surprised that Cyrus could not hear his heart pounding. TJ really did not want to get his hopes up but he was struggling to keep them low. 

Neither boy spoke much as they skated laps around the rink. But they never let go of each other's hand, almost like they needed the connection. After a bit, they hear a skater coming up behind them. As the skater went around them, she came into view; Kira. She stops in front of them and gives almost a disgusted smile. "Hey TJ. Cyrus." The latter's name was spoken with much contempt.

"Oh hey Kira." TJ replies.

"So what is this? Are guys seriously a thing now?" The words leave her mouth like venom.

The taller boy speaks again. "As a matter of fact, we are." He smiles before removing his hand from Cyrus' only to throw it around Cyrus' waist pulling him closer.

Being this close to TJ makes it almost impossible to breathe. The air from his lungs felt like it was caught in his throat. All he can do is stand pathetically wrapped in TJ's arm, but he wasn't about to complain.

Kira's voice cuts through his thoughts, louder than before. People are beginning to stare. "I don't think whatever this is, is real. You expect me to believe that you would rather date this loser, over me. We compliment each other so well."

TJ's grip around Cyrus gets tighter as he snaps back. "Don't call him that! You don't know anything about him! He is the sweetest, smartest, cutest person I ever met. Anyone would be proud to be with him, I know I am." Cyrus' blushes, thankful that the cold could account for the pink filling his face. 

She smirks "Then kiss him."

"What?" TJ chokes out.

"If he really is your boyfriend, kiss him."

Cyrus looks up at TJ, not sure what to do next. TJ looks back at Cyrus to get permission with his eyes to kiss him. Cyrus nods softly. TJ's eyes flicker down to Cyrus' lips before leaning in and ...does nothing. He stops before meeting Cyrus' lips.

"I'm sorry. I can't. I'm sorry…" he says one more time to Cyrus before running away leaving Cyrus on the ice. Cyrus' heart sinks to the pit of his stomach.

Kira lets out a dry laugh. "I knew it. TJ could never really be into a guy like you." Her words felt like knives piercing him all over. As she skates away, he is left feeling like an idiot.

TJ had spoken all those nice things about him. He didn't freak out when Buffy revealed his crush crush on the athlete. He didn't deny what Buffy said about him liking Cyrus. Cyrus, for a moment, let himself believe that they could possibly be a thing. But it was obvious by how TJ reacted just now, that he was being delusional. TJ was just being polite.

He shoots TJ a short text.

I'm heading home.

He doesn't even get a reply.

************

Cyrus lays in bed, replaying the events from earlier that night. He keeps reliving that awful feeling he had watching TJ run away from him. He should of stuck to his gut. It was a terrible idea to do a fake date. He knew somehow he would get hurt. But he could never say no to TJ. But now he is left feeling more stupid, and humiliatedthan he has ever felt.

He is jarred from his thoughts when he hears a tap on his window. He is on the second floor so he is a little uneasy. Then there is a second tap.He turns on his bedside lamp. Another tap hits the window. Cyrus takes a deep breath and walks to the window. Looking outside he sees a figure sitting on the tree branch outside his room. It doesn't take him long to recognize the figure. He opens his window. "TJ?"

"Hey Cyrus, a little help here." He says reaching his hand out, asking to come into the room. Like it was established earlier, Cyrus can't say no to those green eyes. He grabs the other boy's hand and helps pull him inside. 

The boys face each other. Cyrus doesn't get why TJ is here. Hasn't he been humiliated enough today without the taller boy coming to remind him that he is an idiot with another unrequited crush?

In a hushed tone, as to not wake his parents, Cyrus asks "Do you have any idea what time it is? What are you doing here? Are you crazy? Look I get that it was dumb for me to think you could..." Cyrus is suddenly cut off by the other boys lips pressing against his. TJ's arma pulling Cyrus closer to him. It only last a few seconds before TJ pulls away but without removing his arms. Cyrus is in complete shock.

"What ...what was that for?" Cyrus can hardly push the words across his teeth.

"It's what I wanted to do earlier. I like you a lot Cyrus. I like you as way more than a friend. All those things I said earlier to Kira, I meant every single word.You are so sweet. You are so smart. And damn. You are so cute. When I am with you, you make me want to be a better person. You are always there to build me up, even when it feels like the world wants to tear me down. I don't want to be pretend boyfriends. I want you to be my real boyfriend. I just don't know what else to say. Just please tell me that you like me in the same way. Please." TJ looks like he is holding his breath waiting for a response.

Cyrus gives a small smile before reaching up and touching TJ's cheek. "I do. I do like you in the same way. I would love nothing more than being your real boyfriend. "

TJ let's out the air that moments ago was caught in his lungs. "Good." He laughs softly.

"But wait," Cyrus asks "If you liked me too, why did you run off today?"

"Because… because a minute ago, was my first kiss. I was so nervous in front of all those people. I didn't want to look stupid and I panicked." TJ turns his gaze away from Cyrus, almost ashamed to make eye contact.

"TJ, I get it. And I like this better anyways. Our relationship is on our terms, not Kira's. I can't believe I was your first kiss. You're  so, I mean look at you. You are so adorable. I'm surprised people weren't lining up to kiss you."

"Cyrus, until you, I didn't want to kiss anyone." He blushes and Cyrus takes note of every detail on TJ's face. 

"You mean that?"

"I've never meant anything more. So is it a yes to the boyfriend thing? Because I would like to try this kissing stuff again." He gives a cheesy grin at the shorter boy.

"Yea, it is a yes. But a las, you have to leave before my parents wake up. But The Spoon tomorrow for lunch?

"Definitely." TJ finally pulls off of Cyrus, making his way to the open window. 

"TJ wait." Cyrus says.

"What is it, muffin?"

Cyrus blushes at the new nickname before stepping closer and placing little kiss on TJ's cheek. "Night Teej."

With a small wave, TJ is gone out the window. 

Well neither of them are getting any sleep tonight. 

[prose-for-hire]

Headcanons for caring for a depressed s/o:

Request: I was wondering what would some the Buffyverse individuals do for a significant other with chronic depression Requested by: @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard 

Characters: Spike; Giles; Angel: Buffy; Cordelia; Xander; Willow; Oz; Anya; Faith

Warning: Discussion of symptoms of depression (I didn’t describe in too much detail, mostly about the care/support the character would give). Mention of medication (If you do not take medication just ignore it). Hints at harm.

A/N: I don’t have an insight into the way everyone’s depression works, so I can only write what I know. If you want something else just request! Sorry it took slightly longer than I anticipated! I hope this is okay !! 💖

Spike:

Spike’s mood is always in tune to yours

So when things are getting bad, he can feel it

If you can’t get out of bed, he’ll come to you

He’ll wheel the tv over, grab some blankets and try to comfort you as much as he can

you’ll be bundled up in so many blankets, it’ll be a little nest

He’ll join you in bed, wanting to have a lot of physical contact

He’ll be worried all of the time, he feels a lot. Especially when he cares for someone

He’ll sit with you for as long as is necessary

won’t ever be bored

If you want cuddles will silently hold you or tell you what’s going on on the tv if you’re not looking and nestling into his side

If you want leaving alone, he’ll try not to hover (but the man loves deep and the way he shows it is comfort)

He will every so often suggest an activity, one he knows will require less effort on your part to try and get you out of the crypt

Will look up ways to help or ask you a lot if he’s doing the right things

Won’t want to leave you on your own when it gets real bad but if he has to he’ll make sure you can contact him immediately wherever he is

He’ll ask what he can do to help a lot. hates to see you in pain.

literally hurts him. But he never wanted to leave your side.

Will promise to support you for as long as you need if it interferes with jobs/etc (he can get money)

Giles:

at first his concern might come across a bit sharp

But when he finds you crying over something insignificant he’ll come and cradle you and sit you down while he sorts it

He’ll be very practical but incredibly soft with you

Reminders to take meds, etc

Will check with you on what you want

A lot

(which may get annoying but try not to snap he’s really trying)

He’ll have read up on everything he can concerning depression and try his best to be someone you can talk through anything with

doesn’t want you to feel alone in anything (you’ll never feel a burden)

will do tasks around the house if you’re struggling and won’t like you to thank him

he’ll see it as the least he could be doing

he’ll often set up snacks and everything around you on the sofa if that’s where you’re set up

moves all of the piles of books from in front of the tv so you can watch

will sit and watch anything. But will give you a commentary on how much drivel is pouring from the screen if its particularly low-brow

If you can’t focus on the screen or get restless he’ll think of ways to help

He’ll take out a book, pull you into him and start to read in that soothing voice

Angel:

he’d get it

You wouldn’t have to explain

He’d be able to tell if things were getting worse

He might notice your sleep schedule was almost as nocturnal as his

Or that you’re smile isn’t quite reaching your eyes half of the time

Despite you at least making the effort

but he’ll ask you to always come to him and talk about it

If you can’t that’s okay, he gets that too

But he wants to be there

And he’ll tell you so

Will give very good reassuring hugs.

especially ones in the mornings when you both know you should be leaving bed

he doesn’t eat human food, but he will always cook an evening meal

wants to make sure you’re eating decent meals

sometimes you might forget or not have the energy

but he will always make sure he’s planned an evening meal

If you can’t sleep he’ll make warm drinks and watch over you

will hold you for as long as you need (especially on a restless night)

not being able to sleep sucks, but at least you know he’s right there

If you’re feeling very low, will make sure to stay with you to make sure you’re safe

It’ll be the most important thing to him

Buffy:

this girl knows depression

She’s been there and worn the T-shirt

She’ll know that sometimes there’s literally nothing she can do to turn your mood

But it doesn’t mean she won’t be there if that’s what you want

she’ll try to bring you on patrol as much as she can, it’s a distraction at least

but if you really can’t face leaving the house, she would ask the scoobies to start taking up the slack and stay in with you

I feel like she would do all the shopping (food and extras) so you’d have a bunch of fun snacks or random treats that she hoped you might like

knows the little things can go a long way

if you appear emotionless or low, she’ll kiss you softly on the forehead and will never take it personal

if you’re trying to avoid going out she’ll gently encourage you

if you really refuse to go out in the evenings, her solution will be movie nights. 

She’ll rent videos and set up the living room 

so many blankets and she’ll cuddle up to you

she’ll slowly invite one or two friends over too so that you’re not cutting yourself off from everyone you care about (there’s no chance she’ll let you cut her out)

eventually, there will be regular Scooby movie nights

Cordelia:

will chat to you about anything and everything

Won’t expect you to talk back, just wants you to know she’s there

can talk non-stop for days about all of the gossip she has accumulated

If you’re struggling to motivate yourself with everyday tasks she will do as much as she can

without even mentioning it

If you haven’t washed your hair in a while she will offer to wash your hair

Will run you a bath (or shower if that’s easier)

And will very soothingly massage your scalp and wash/condition your hair

She’d set out comfy clothes and definitely brush out your hair (or comb it/style it depending on your style)

read in a magazine that sunlight is supposed to help

trying to decide if the tanning bed would be the same thing

eventually opts for natural sunlight when told by one of the Scoobies that tanning booths probably aren’t the best way to go

will set up a beach day

or the closest thing she can get to a beach day (which might just be sitting in the back garden under the sun)

you tell her she didn’t have to but she will smile wide and insist that it was the best excuse to work on her tan

Very caring and will drop everything for the right person to meet their needs

Will fight anyone that says anything judgemental or rude about you

Willow:

She’ll be very practical but try to be lowkey about it

small suggestions to make sure you’re looking after yourself

you will never ever have any doubt she cares

forgetful? Sticky notes everywhere

adjusting to new meds? Will make a list of any side effects and monitor you to be sure you’re safe

(just cos she cares)

If the days are running into each other she will wake you up telling you the day with a little kiss

I feel like she’d like meal prepping

so she’d make meals for the week so you could have something in if you weren’t feeling up to cooking anything nutritious

she’d totally be doing it anyway, so just makes a little extra for you to share

she will also bake and encourage you to join in too. She’ll say its more fun when you’re around

she will try and inject a little bit of fun into everything

e.g. making a game out of tidying your living room/bedroom

Will offer to do a few spells to help with everyday tasks if they’re overwhelming you a bit

Won’t be too upset if you say no

But will try to convince you multiple times

Xander:

if you’ve been in a slump for a while he’ll try and shake up the routine

even if its just a little something

will crack a lot of jokes to try and cheer you up

“Laughter is the best medicine” (but he will definitely check in sporadically to make sure if u take meds that you are taking them)

won’t remember himself to check all the time but will remember randomly and he’ll ask even if you’re in the middle of a different conversation

But knows when to be serious, when you really need him to be there

Will want you to lean on him 24/7

Both literally and metaphorically

If there’s a day where you’re doing a lot of crying he will be the shoulder you cry on

Wouldn’t leave even if it looked like you were trying to push him away

Knows how to talk to you (especially if you were being self-deprecating)

would 100% be the type to make breakfast in bed on multiple occasions. Wants to make sure you feel special

because you’re usually pretty hard on yourself

might get frustrated that he can’t do more to help (but would never take it out on you)

would go and vent to Buffy or someone who would tell him what you would: that you love that he’s there as much as he can be. He makes it all worth it

Oz:

he’d be very chill about it 

He’d always worry, but be chill on the surface

not only because he’s literally always laid back but because he wants to show it doesn’t phase him

he loves you

he’ll just roll with whatever it is that you need

If you need to cancel plans he’d just nod and call up to cancel

Would try his best to make sure you were comfortable

He’s big on giving for a s/o so anything you needed he’d encourage you to ask

He’d probably check on you a lot, not always verbal just a gesture with his head

If you’re no longer able to enjoy stuff you’re into, he’ll try and slowly introduce small activities

bursts of fun that might or might not help

but you always appreciate the thought

Music.

Will play music as a way of distraction if your thoughts are getting heavy

Any genre. Any decade. Any mood

Will lie there with you, letting the songs wash over you both

Will want to hold your hand or something as a gesture of comfort

always wants you to know he’s there

Anya:

If you can’t move from bed or you’re unmotivated she will try her best to be understanding

Will set lots of alarms if it’s something important you need to get up for

Alarm clocks on every surface

But if you can’t face it she’ll make up a very unconvincing excuse but nobody will question her

At least her hearts in the right place

will tell you wild stories from her past to pass the time if you can’t face leaving the house

will insist you go to therapy and make sure you go

is very by the book because she has just learnt about everything

(thanks Google)

“it says here that counselling/therapy will help with your depression, so you have to go every week, y/n”

will not be open to discussion about it. 

she read it therefore it’s a fact so will always make sure you go. Same with meds if you take them. Same with making sure your diet is as balanced as possible

she’ll be very by the book because she’s just learning about it as she goes

and she’ll always want the best for you

Faith:

If you’re feeling particularly bad about yourself that day she wouldnt care about appearing vulnerable she’d whisper the softest things

you’d want to tease her but you just couldn’t

she’d make you feel so loved

you’d never be a burden with her

she’d love you so fiercely 

she might snap sometimes, but she knows when you’re more fragile

she’d hate seeing you cry

would make her cry

but she wouldn’t go anywhere or tell you to stop. She’d whisper and just let you cry against her

with her own tears threatening to spill

would be very protective

if anyone made you feel guilty or didn’t understand you physically couldn’t do stuff

she would not hesitate to use her slayer strength to back up her words

Will take you on trips in the car. Won’t tell you where she got the car from. Or if her license has expired or not

Mini roadtrips with no real destination

so that you can have some fresh air, some music

knows that you’ll need a change of scene if you’ve been staying in a lot

[ifeveristoday]

 [video description: just me yelling for seven minutes straight]

Ok. Am I ready for this?

Every issue of the Boom! Verse has been building up layers of characterizations and the aftermaths of choices. Issue 9 shows us the fallout of two major events - the showdown at Sunnydale Museum, and Xander’s half Vampire state (and what Willow had to do to get him there).

It also touches on the fact that Buffy is in the Hellmouth with no way to contact the surface world.

Yet that isn’t the most pressing matter in this issue.

Relationships are frayed.

Everyone in the Scooby Gang is isolated.

Jenny has a cat.

Sorry, that’s not thematically relevant but I, as a cat person, am legally bound to discuss when there is a cat in media.

JENNY HAS A GREY TABBY WHAT IS THEIR NAME

Spoilers and reactions to issue nine under the cut - we scream and flail like men, who needs a review?

PTSD CLUB PTSD CLUB PTSD CLUB

edited to correct that bit about Willow’s hair and level of evil it indicates

Something that Jordie used early on is the narrator POV (unreliable perhaps) and it returns to this issue. But instead of Xander or Willow, it’s Joyce. And she’s grieving about the world she’s lost but what every parent knows in the back of their mind: the world is tough and scary and so many bad things can happen. And Joyce has survived the attack but there’s no Buffy to commiserate with, to fuss over in person. (Also, what a nod to Joyce’s obliviousness in TV canon - to believe that Buffy would just go on a mandatory field trip with no phone connection.) Luckily, she has Eric, who is supportive and says all the right things. 

Joyce’s disconnect with what she feels and the outside world’s determination to ‘life goes on’ is repeated in the rest of the issue, as our favorite Sunnydale residents deal with both small and large terrors.

Revelations besides Jenny’s cat:

Cordelia works in a clothing shop and there are some Portland looking dudes roaming around Sunnydale. Or maybe it’s Silver Lake. She still has a crush on Spike, because who hasn’t met a mysterious, well-muscled stranger emerging from the forest like a person-shaped Cheshire cat and thought, “Gotta get me some of that?”

I mean, a whole fairytale industry has grown up around that idea.

But despite all normal appearances (and Cordelia is the still most ‘normal’ character) and her Cordy Crew updates, life is not going to her plans. There are fissures erupting in the sidewalk, cracks appearing in walls, people are stressed and Cordelia can’t even play with her dog without falling over said fissures. Oh, and her books are dissolving into ash when she opens her locker.

So shit is horrible.

Willow’s dyed a black streak in her hair (honey, red hair is the hardest color to re-dye to. Your hair is so beautiful and now you’ve got to tone and strip the fuck out of that streak if you want a base to dye it red again - oh wait, magic, I guess) and is being rude and abrupt and just plain Not Willow with Rose and everyone.

Except Willow chafes at the idea of there being a standard for her - why should she be just the smart capable responsible one? While a vampire doppelganger doesn’t burst out of the wall and drawls that she’s bored now, Willow is resentful that Rose and everyone else expects her to be one way when hello, the world is on fire outside.

Rose has found out about the weird shit that goes on in Sunnydale and accuses Willow of keeping things from her, including giant bats and the fact that Buffy was there, and she, Willow’s girlfriend and considerably known her longer than Buffy (imp.)  wasn’t there or told about it.

Willow naturally thinks that Rose being jealous of Buffy is just stupid, because Buffy isn’t even there and honestly she’s not even thinking about it. Which causes Rose to worry why is her empathetic Willow like this?

Which makes Willow lash out that she’s tired of having to be the one who has to consider everyone else’s feelings but her own? Why can’t she have the space to figure out what she wants?

And like that, Rose and Willow are on a break.

Xander, in direct contrast to everyone else around him, is calm and sensitive and just generally being a good bean. He’s concerned about Willow and Buffy, but he’s not crowding Willow. He’s patrolling in Buffy’s absence and making stakes and friends with raccoons - and all of his warm-heartedness and acceptance of ‘everyone’s journey is different’ upsets Giles, who is stubbly and running on presumably zero sleep as he worries about Buffy, and the break in his relationship.

Xander’s facade of handling all the weird crap Sunnydale’s thrown at him gets blown when he encounters a vampire delivery boy in the cemetery. He wins the fight, but the vampire’s words taunting him that they’re just monsters, and not in-between--unfinished like Xander is, resonates with him. Xander’s been doing so well, learning how to live and cope with his depression, being a good friend and responsible evil thwarter - and then to have Giles dismiss him so coldly? And to have one of his worst fears spoken out loud - he’s not human anymore. Not in the way that it used to count. And he’s only half a vampire - and there’s no one else straddling that line so he’s still alone. 

Everyone needs a hug.

Especially Giles and Jenny, because shit, things get incredibly real in the next act. Giles heads over to Jenny’s house to make some kind of amends, but Jenny is understandably Not Having It. Giles disregards all of her reasonable requests, pushes past her and enters her home and then tries to make her understand how really, she’s wrong and he’s right and MAYBE IF SHE HADN’T GIVEN THE DAGGER TO DRUSILLA, THE WORLD WOULDN’T BE ON FIRE.

This is a mess. In so many ways Giles is wrong - he ignored her request to stay away, he invited himself in - and then spent too long trying to make excuses for why it was OK for him to do all of that shit. And he looks a hot mess while doing so - I don’t even think it’s the artwork style, it’s just that Giles is wild-eyed, wrecked, and actually slavering at the mouth as he tries to explain his point of view. He’s feverish and Jenny puts aside her anger for a minute to get him a glass of water. Like, yes, she’s furious with him, but she still loves him, even though this scary man practically foaming at the mouth doesn’t really look like her partner.

Jenny presses him on his attempt to protect them all, asking pointedly, what about her?

Giles automatically assumes she’s talking about Buffy and assures her that he knows Buffy’s capable of fending for herself, which is exactly the Wrong Thing to Say, because as previous issues have shown, Jenny is not cool with children having to save the world, and also, Buffy’s mom? How about her, Fuckhead Watcher Man.

And Giles goes and puts his whole head up his ass as he says that there are sacrifices that come with successes, as in any war - and Jenny loses it. Because Giles rants do you think that it’s easy for him to live to believe that everything in his life is disposable except for Buffy? That nothing else matters?

And Jenny reads the underlining footnote - if nothing matters, where does that leave her in his life?

FOR FUCK’S SAKE GILES YOU’RE DERANGED GO HOME

And Jenny’s cat agrees with me and hisses at him to leave Jenny alone.

Giles exits the house wondering aloud has everyone gone mad, while a suspicious rabbit looks on from the grass.

There’s a Tucker Wells/Andrew shades of who the fuck cares interlude about a lonely kid who stalks his school facebook to read the comments about classmates and I might be callous, but I actually do not care about those type of characters because guess what, lots of lonely kids and people out there and their first thought is not to kill everyone else. Anyway, I suspect this is a side effect of the Hellmouth magnifying negative thoughts.

It lingers on Buffy’s face and the comments - “She’s weird but hot.”

Now imagine that being her epitaph. 

This pans over to the last sequence - Robin is chilling at home, and his dad (!!!) tells him to go to bed, he doesn’t care how much this town is falling apart. Robin’s dad believes in education.

And guess who shows up at his door in the late of night?

KENDRA.

And she hits him with a Star Wars reference. “Aren’t you a little short for a watcher?”

[myshipshipsitself]

Title: Worth It Character(s): Cyrus/TJ, Buffy, Jonah, Andi, Kira Word Count: 2,206 Summary: Buffy POV. Fix-it, post 3x13. Buffy bringing some tough-love style advice, and TJ’s apology. (This got really long, y’all. I meant for it to be a cute, short, fluffy thing. But then I was like, let’s address Cyrus’s insecurities. And if we’re doing that, let’s address TJ’s too, why not? So enjoy the novel.)

Credit where it is due: This was inspired by @whattamiwatching ‘s little sister, so this is for y’all. (Sorry, I did change the original prompt a little in the way of which costume TJ was wearing. Hope that’s ok).

“Doing Mount Rushmore with us wasn’t that bad, was it?” Buffy asked, trying to lighten the mood. She knew from the moment that Cyrus had answered Marty’s guess at his costume with ‘Thomas Jefferson,’ that their group costume wasn’t the reason that he looked like a drowned puppy for the rest of the day.

“No, of course not,” Cyrus said quickly, putting on a fake smile that Buffy saw right through. She tilted her head down to give him a stern look and his face dropped. He shrugged, colander under his arm as they walked down the hallway towards the lunchroom. “TJ decided to do a costume with Kira, that’s all. It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Buffy snapped. “He just bailed on you without even a warning text? The costume was his idea.”

Cyrus just shrugged. He started to say something, then stopped and shut his mouth again. Buffy waited, watching his face contort into several odd expressions before he looked up at her, his face looking more broken than she’d ever seen. “It’s fine, really,” he said earnestly. She almost believed him. Or at least, he believed himself. “I’m the second choice. I’m always the second choice. I get that. It’s fine.”

Buffy froze in the middle of the hallway. She didn’t acknowledge the girl that muttered under her breath as she barely stopped herself from running into Buffy. She could only stare straight ahead at Cyrus. “You can’t believe that.”

“Of course I do.” The look of confusion on his face, confusion at her blatant dismissal of his declaration was more heartbreaking than the look when he’d accepted that TJ had bailed on him. “Look, it’s—“

“Do not say that it’s fine,” Buffy cut him off, her voice breaking on the last word. She took a step towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Cyrus, you’re amazing. You shouldn’t be anyone’s second choice. And if me or Andi or anyone, ever made you think that— I’m sorry.”

Cyrus smiled a little at that, and hugged her back tightly when she wrapped her arms around him. “Thanks,” he mumbled against her shoulder.

She smiled as she pulled back, keeping an arm around his shoulders as they continued towards the cafeteria. “And if he’d rather do a costume with Kira, then it’s his loss,” she said, earning something closer to genuine smile from Cyrus. It was still a little muted, and it didn’t quite reach his eyes, but it was a start.

Except that by the time lunch was over, Buffy still wasn’t sure that it was the case that TJ had just wanted to do a costume with Kira instead of Cyrus. She had a good view of where the pair were sitting with the rest of TJ’s teammates, and she had noticed TJ shake off Kira’s hand more than once when she reached out to touch him as she laughed or said something she apparently thought was funny. She couldn’t miss the way he didn’t smile or talk much, or how many times he glanced over at their table. When he caught Buffy’s eyes, he didn’t even hurry to look away. He just looked more upset. Ashamed, almost.

“Hey, earth to Buffy!” Buffy looked around to see Andi’s hand waving in front of her face.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said we’re going to get our picture taken for yearbook. Come on,” Andi said excitedly.

When she looked back at TJ’s table, his teammates were mostly gone, and only Kira was still there, but it looked like TJ was trying to make a quick retreat.

“I’ll meet you guys there. I have to take care of something first,”  Buffy said, offering a halfhearted smile as she got up before Andi or anyone else could stop her.

“TJ! Wait up,” Buffy called, jogging over to him as he made his way towards the door. Kira was right behind him, and Buffy stopped to offer a feigned smile to the girl. “Mind if I borrow your dumber half for a minute?” She could see TJ out of the corner of her eye roll his eyes at the quip, but Kira just bounced on her toes beside TJ.

“Of course. TJ, I’ll see you after class for our costume photo,” she said, never taking her eyes off of Buffy as she spoke, a smirk on her lips as she turned to leave.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Buffy sneered at him once Kira was out of earshot. “How much did she pay you to deal with that all day?”

“What do you want, Buffy?” TJ snapped at her.

“To know why you bailed on Cyrus for such an original costume as a t-shirt with ‘dribble’

written on it.”

TJ just shrugged. “What’s it matter? Last minute change. I told Cyrus,” he said, but even she could hear that he was losing confidence in his words the longer than he spoke.

“Yeah, this morning,” Buffy pointed out. “And this has nothing to do with the fact that half the school now thinks you and Kira are dating?” Maybe it was an exaggeration, but the rumor had been floating around, and Buffy knew exactly who had been spreading it.

TJ flinched back at her words, but just scoffed. “That’s stupid. No one thinks that.”

“I don’t think that, but a lot of people do,” Buffy said. “In no small part thanks to your new costume partner telling people exactly that.”

She half expected him to come back with some lame defense of, ‘so what if people think that?’ But instead, his face dropped and he shook his head. He looked towards the door where Kira had just disappeared, then around the nearly empty cafeteria, before looking back at Buffy, all pretense faded away. “So I guess Cyrus probably believes it too,” he muttered quietly. His voice was almost broken, something reminiscent of how Cyrus had spoken to her earlier. “So why don’t you?”

“Because I’ve seen the way you look at Cyrus,” Buffy said matter-of-factly. She didn’t hesitate in her answer, though she did keep her voice quiet, too low for the few students still killing time in the cafeteria to hear. She expected him to deny it, but he surprised her again.

“That obvious, huh?” He asked quietly, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“A little, yeah,” she said, returning the small smile. “So why go through with this ridiculous costume with Kira?”

The faint smile faded and his gaze dropped to the floor. “I don’t know,” he muttered. She could’ve interrupted given him some kind of excuse, but she just waited in silicon for him to fill it in on his own. Eventually he looked up to meet her gaze again. “I didn’t—It’s one thing, if you notice. Andi, and Cyrus, even Jonah. But—I hadn’t really,” he paused, shrugging as he looked away again, clearly struggling for the words he needed. “I hadn’t thought much about what it looked like to other people. To the team, to the school, seeing me and Cyrus hanging out so much. Doing a matching costume with an inside joke that no one else understood.”

It started to dawn on Buffy, and she didn’t think she could’ve bene any more upset with Kira than she was when the girl was on the basketball team, but here it was. “And Kira made you think it wasn’t okay?” She asked, half pissed at Kira, and half shocked that TJ’s opinion of himself, or anything at all for that matter, was dependent on Kira of all people.

“I know it was stupid. I shouldn’t have done the costume with her,” TJ’s voice was desperate. His eyes pleading with her to understand something he apparently didn’t. “Does Cyrus hate me?”

Buffy just shrugged. “Go ask him,” she challenged. She was not about to play middleman with these two when they clearly needed to figure it out for themselves. “He’ll be in the auditorium for costume pictures, and you know where to find him after class.”

“It’s not that easy,” TJ said. She loved Cyrus, she wanted to be mad at TJ when he was, and wanted to hate TJ for hurting him. But seeing him like that, uncertain and half-broken, it was impossible.

“What’s not easy about it?” Buffy demanded.

“I’m the captain of the basketball team. People expect me to be—to be something,”  TJ said, his words growing steadily less certain as he spoke.

“To be what?” Buffy asked. “To be the team captain that dates Kira? To be what?” TJ didn’t answer, and she hadn’t expected him to, but she let the silence hang for a moment longer before she spoke again. “You have to decide if it’s worth it,” she added, her voice softer.

“If what’s worth it?” TJ asked. “If doing a costume with Cyrus is worth being laughed at by the rest of the team? Worth whatever stupid rumors they would start trying to spread about me? About Cyrus?”

“I wasn’t talking about Cyrus,” Buffy said, a small smile on her lips. “I meant you. You were miserable, talking with Kira and the team during lunch. You looked like you wanted to jump into a volcano this morning instead of wear that stupid shirt with her.” She shook her head as she considered him. “Is whatever rumors would go around, or whatever you think your team would say, is that worth you being happy? Laughing, and having fun like you’ve actually been doing lately, despite my not believing you were capable of it. Or is your reputation worth going back to the guy you were a year ago? The guy that everyone was afraid of.”

He didn’t say anything, just stared at the floor between them. She didn’t say another word, instead leaving him there to mull over what he needed to do. It wasn’t her place to fix his mistakes.

Still, it took a huge amount of will power to offer even a sarcastic smile to Kira as she passed the urchin in the hallway.

TJ didn’t come by the auditorium during the photos. He also didn’t meet Cyrus after school. And according to Cyrus when Buffy met up with him twice to drown his feelings in baby taters and milkshakes, he didn’t try to contact Cyrus at all over the weekend.

When Buffy met up with Cyrus, Andi and Jonah outside the school on Monday, she was convinced that TJ was too scared or too ashamed to face Cyrus, and would end up pity-dating, or fake-straight dating, Kira for the rest of middle school.

“Why is TJ wearing a colander on his head?” Jonah asked, looking past Buffy and Cyrus.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Buffy repeated to TJ as the boy approached them. This time though, her tone was laced with amusement rather than contempt. Sure enough, TJ was walking towards them with a silver colander on his head, and a white t-shirt with a large S on the front of it, hands held behind his back. Everyone else, including Cyrus, seemed to be in shock, seeing the shy smile on the basketball player’s face, so Buffy broke the silence. “Why are you dressed like a salt shaker?”

“Because Cyrus called summer,” TJ said with a hopeful smile, not even looking at her. His eyes were set on Cyrus.

“But costume day was Friday,” Cyrus said. Buffy could already see his eyes brighten, a smile start to stretch across his lips. It was the same look he had when he’d been genuinely surprised that TJ had come to the Shiva. Warm, hopeful, and for just a moment, not quite believing it.

“Yeah,” TJ said. His face dropped, and he looked appropriately remorseful for his screw-up, in Buffy’s opinion. “I kind of messed it up the first time around. So I was hoping for a do-over?” When he pulled his hands out for behind his back, he had a Hawaiian style floral shirt in one hand, and a pair of sunglasses in the other.

Buffy wished she had a camera at that exact moment. That she could capture that exact look of bright, surprised sunshine that illuminated Cyrus’s face. Something to remind Cyrus that he was worth it. To capture the bright, warm smile on TJ’s face that had been far more present as of late. To remind TJ that he was worth it. But from the look in TJ’s eyes when Cyrus reached out to take the shirt, he already knew.

She watched as Cyrus pulled on the shirt over his polo, before reaching out to take the sunglasses. He put them on, smiling bright as he spun back around to face Jonah and Andi.

“I don’t get it,” Jonah said, eyes shifting around between the rest of them for an answer.

“Somersault!” Cyrus said excitedly, before pushing the sunglasses up on top of his head and turning back to smile at TJ. “It’s our thing.”

Buffy just smiled eyes meeting Andi’s, and they just shook their heads at each other before turning back to look at the pair, still smiling brightly at each other, oblivious of anyone else around them.

Those two idiots.

[thirteen-beaxhes]

So here’s part 2 of your gift @stephadoodles! The Tyrus half! Hope you like it!

(Fic under the read more)

“Okay, we get it, you’re a couple,” Cyrus groaned, rolling his eyes as Buffy and Andi stopped their little compliment battle to look at Cyrus. Buffy tossed a baby tater at him while Andi just laughed softly, holding Buffy’s hand on the table.

“We can’t help it, Cy,” Andi said, shaking her head slightly. “But we just got together!”

“Yeah! How can you expect me to stay away from this angel and not remind her how much I am fond of her,” Buffy added, as Andi leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. An action that elicited another groan from Cyrus as he buried his head in his hands.

“Whoever was responsible for this, could they turn on their location? I just wanna talk,” Cyrus said through his palms. Andi laughed at that, but something caught her eye from behind him and she smiled sneakily.

“Well, you’re lucky cuz they just walked into the Spoon,” she said, and Cyrus turned around to see who it was and immediately whipped his head back forward.

“Hey guys,” TJ said as he slid into the seat beside Cyrus. Buffy just sipped her milkshake, desperately trying to hide her smile, while Andi just raised her eyebrows cheekily at Cyrus.

“Hey TJ,” Cyrus said, cursing himself as he felt his cheeks go red. TJ smiled at him, immediately stealing one of Cyrus’ baby taters and popping it in his mouth.

“Hey Underdog,” he said happily, then looked over across at Buffy and Andi, noticing the lack of space between them and their hushed conversation. “So, they finally got together huh?”

“Yup,” Cyrus said, popping the ‘p’. “I’m gonna kill you for that by the way,” he said, turning to TJ.

TJ pouted innocently, looking at Cyrus with the puppy dog eyes that Cyrus hated himself for being so fond of. "Aw, why is that Underdog?"

"Because now I'm the one who has to third wheel around them! I don't think I could survive."

"Well, then you could, not, third wheel."

"Oh, yeah I don't really have any other friends, Teej, that wouldn't work," Cyrus said, rolling his eyes as he took a sip of his milkshake. But he looked back at TJ, who was looking at his very curiously, an unreadable expression on his face.

"What?"

"That's not what I meant, Cy."

Cyrus narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What did you mean then?"

TJ opened his mouth, about to say something, but then he glanced down, shaking his head slightly. "Never mind," He mumbled, popping another baby tater into his mouth.

And conversation moved swiftly on, but Cyrus was still left, wondering in confusion.

What the hell did TJ mean?

*

"You should tell him," Buffy said, as she sat on the bench, packing up her things.

"What?" TJ asked, high giving the team members who passed by, looking back at Buffy.

Buffy just looked up with raised eyebrows, and TJ sighed.

"I know, I know I just, I haven't decided how," He said, looking at his shoes.

Buffy sighed, getting up and placing a reassuring hand on TJ's shoulder. "Well, if you need help, I'm right here. I can no longer handle your endless pining after him."

TJ laughed quietly, playfully shoving Buffy in the shoulder as they both grabbed their gym bags and walked away from the basketball court in the park. But soon, as they fell into step, TJ was deep in thought. And finally it struck him. He knew what to do.

“Hey Buffy,” TJ said, turning to look at her.

“Yeah?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“About helping out...”

*

“Andi, why are you doing this?” Cyrus groaned, as Andi pushed him out of his room and down the stairs, forcing him out of his house as she cheerily waved at his parents.

She just laughed, linking her arm with his and walked down the sidewalk. The sun had set a while back, and stars were beginning to twinkle in the sky, like glitter on navy blue velvet. “Do I need a reason to want to take my best friend to my house?”

“Yes.”

“Excuse me? So I’m not supposed to ask why you call me randomly to your house, but you can?”

“Glad to see you’re understanding.”

Andi rolled her eyes, punching Cyrus in the shoulder as they made their way down Andi’s street.. But suddenly, she stopped and turned slowly towards Cyrus.

“I need to cover your eyes,” she said slowly, and Cyrus immediately started shaking his head vehemently.

“Okay, I knew it, you’re about to sell me for off-the-market art supplies. I always knew this day would come,” Cyrus said, dropping dramatically to the ground on his knees. Andi laughed maniacally, pulling Cyrus up by the elbow.

“Mwahahaha, good luck Cyrus, this is the end!” she said,and the two of them collapsed into laughter. Andi wiped a tear from her eye, before she smiled at Cyrus. “Okay, but I’m serious. Come here,” she said, holding out an eye mask. Cyrus just sighed and let her put on the eye mask.

Now being led by blind (hehe) trust in Andi alone, Cyrus just let himself be led forward. He tried asking why on earth was this surprise so elaborate, but Andi just shushed him the entire time. Eventually, she led him to a bench, where he felt his way and sat down, pulling off the blindfold after 5 minutes.

Andi was nowhere to be seen. When his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting, he noticed that he was sitting on the bench near the swings. The swings he and TJ frequented.

Could it be?

No, no way.

“Hey Underdog.”

Cyrus turned to his left, smiling slightly as he saw TJ walk up to him, laughing softly as he noticed TJ wearing the blue hoodie from his bar mitzvah, with his face plastered on it.

“I cannot believe you kept that.”

“What, this?’ TJ said, looking down at the hoodie. “It’s one of my favourite ones,” he smiled, sitting down beside Cyrus. He was holding a packet, wrapped up in brown paper and tied with a string. And attached to it was a note.

Cyrus raised his eyebrows. “What’s that?” he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the package.

“Here, open it,” TJ said with a nervous smile, holding it out to Cyrus. Cyrus took it, gingerly untying the string and tearing open the paper. And in it, was a copy of ‘Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe’, and he laughed.

“But I’ve already read this,” Cyrus said, smiling sadly.

“I’m sure you haven’t read this version,” TJ said, his voice quiet as he bit his lip nervously.

Cyrus furrowed his eyebrows, opening the book to the title page, and he gasped.

There, just under the title, in green pen, were the words, ‘I like you, Cyrus Goodman. And you’re the most important person to me’.

“What’s this?” Cyrus asked, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“It’s true,” TJ said with a teary smile. “I like you, Underdog. A lot.”

Cyrus smiled, letting out a small laugh, unable to do anything other than hold the book like it was a delicate vase. TJ looked down, wiping his nose.

“You and I have had a lot of ups and downs, and a lot of it has been my fault. And I just know, that I’m gonna mess up again, how much ever I try not to. So, I wanted to give you something that you could look at, you could hold, to remind you that no matter what happens, you mean so much to me. And I like you. Even if you don’t feel the same, I just needed to say it.”

“Teej,” Cyrus whispered, looking down at the book and then back up at TJ. He didn’t need anything more to lean in and kiss TJ, capturing his lips in his own. It made sense that it was the best way he could express how he was feeling.

As they pulled away, Cyrus bumped his nose against TJ’s. “I like you too, TJ Kippen. More than you could ever imagine.”

 ~~~~~~

I really hoped you liked your gifts! And thank you to @swingsetboys for organising this exchange!

- Smriti

[captainkippen]

SEND ME FIC PROMPTS

Cyrus and TJ's relationship can be described as ‘almost-something-not-quite-there-yet” and has been at that stage for a rather frustrating six months. He's not sure why it's taking them so long to do about it, but Cyrus is certain that TJ must have also acknowledged the tension between them because there have been a few near misses so far where he's thought 'this is iT, he's going to tell me how it feels’ only for TJ to break off what he was saying and turn it into some unrelated ramble. Thanks to this, it's becoming more and more common for him to feel like he's about to tear his hair out when the two of them spend time together. He doesn't want to push TJ to do or say anything he's not ready to do or say, but Cyrus figures it's time to take matters into his own hands or they might actually be stuck at this glacial pace of romance for the next fifty years. He doesn't think he can take fifty years of longing looks and heartfelt texts that lead to nothing. He'll go insane.

The opportunity to make a move arises when Bex and Bowie finally settle on the date of their wedding. At first there's a little hesitation, the engagement has been called off and called back on more than once now and they're all starting to wonder if they'll actually ever do it, but when it's only about a month away Cyrus figures they're finally safe from any drama and starts concocting a plan.

“I need to book dance lessons,” he says offhandedly when they're all lazing around Buffy's house one day. He's sprawled dramatically across one of the couches with his feet up on TJ's lap and a bowl of popcorn on his chest. It's a movie day but the horror flick they're watching is so terrible that nobody's been paying attention for the last forty five minutes. “For the wedding. There's going to be waltzing, right? I don't know how to waltz. Andi, do you know where Bowie's getting his?”

Andi eyes him suspiciously. She's well aware that Cyrus knows how to waltz. He had taught her to waltz when they were twelve. His mom had made him have lessons as a kid. Cyrus is fantastic at waltzing, even if he does say so himself. However, TJ doesn't know that. He gives her a look that says 'play along I'm begging you've and she sighs.

“At the dance studio on second street, I think,” she says. He's so blessed to have such good friends. “Bex knows one of the girls that runs it so she's giving him a discount.”

“You don't know how to waltz?” TJ asks curiously, perfectly on cue. “Don't you do dance for your P.E classes?”

Cyrus shrugs. “It's not ballroom.”

The thing is, he's concocted the perfect plan. TJ doesn't know Cyrus knows how to waltz, but Cyrus knows that TJ does. TJ had surprised them all with this knowledge a few weeks ago at a school dance. Jonah wanted to impress a girl he liked, TJ offered to show him how to dance and everyone got their happily ever after. Except Cyrus. TJ had not waltzed with Cyrus. He's still a little bitter about it.

“I could teach you,” he offers. “Save you the money.”

“Really?” Cyrus says, grinning. “Awesome. Yeah, that would be great thanks.”

Cyrus mentally marks phase one of mission ‘get TJ to admit his feelings’ a success.

*

TJ comes over on Saturday. Cyrus’ mom and stepdad have gone out to some barbeque with friends and won't be back until later so he's taking advantage of an empty house as much as he can. He makes sure to run to the store in the morning to grab some of TJ's favourite chips and soda (Baja blast Mountain Dew because what else do you expect from a teenage boy), and does a rush job at tidying up even though TJ has definitely seen the house in a much worse state than it is. He's been over during family events - he knows how wild they get. There's an odd nervous sensation thrumming in Cyrus’ veins. He has no reason to be on edge. It's just TJ. He tells himself this over and over, trying to calm down, but still jumps when he heard the front door opening and TJ yelling a greeting through the house. He's been letting himself in since they were fourteen now. It's a standard.

“I'm down here,” he yells back. They're going to be practicing in the basement so he's moved the ping-pong table out the way and set up the stereo so it's ready to go. TJ's socked feet thud down the stairs and he beams at him when he comes into view. He pulls Cyrus into a sideways hug and quickly releases him, making a beeline for the Mountain Dew. Cyrus rolls his eyes - typical.

“So how do you wanna do this?”

Cyrus shrugs. “You're the teacher.”

“You got music?”

He hands him to remote to the stereo. TJ fiddled with it for a moment before switching it on to a rhythmic rock beat with a grin. He puts it down, shrugs off his hoodie and walks towards Cyrus.

“You ready?” He pulls Cyrus towards him, positioning them both carefully.

“We're really just jumping into it, then?”

“Of course. I'm gonna lead and I'm gonna explain the steps as we go, okay? Try not to step on my feet.”

Cyrus does step on his feet, several times, quite deliberately. Each time it sets them both off in a bout of giggling and they have to pause for a moment. The afternoon continues in much the same vein, Cyrus pretending to be terrible and making TJ laugh and feeling like his whole world is complete everytime he catches TJ smiling softly at him. His heart thumps when their faces get close together and he hopes and prays that his palms aren't too sweaty where they're clasped in TJ's. It feels right, the two of them together like this.

There's a moment, when they're coming to the end of a song and slowing down where Cyrus thinks this might be it. TJ might say something. They're looking into one another's eyes, the world around them faded slightly, and he's holding his breath waiting for him to say anything. Then TJ coughs, ducks his head and pulls away, announcing they should take a break and get some lunch, and Cyrus kind of wants to scream in frustration. This plan is going to take longer than he expected.

*

As it turns out, the plans takes much longer than he expected. TJ gives him three more dance lessons before the wedding and nothing comes of them. It's the most irritated Cyrus has ever been with him, which he realises isn't technically fair because TJ isn't a mind reader and can't possibly know Cyrus is losing his grip on reality as a result of all these pent up emotions between them, but he can't help it.

The evening of the wedding is a beautiful one. It's being held in a large white tent in the park which is lit up with beautiful handmade lamps dotted around artfully, illuminating the flowers and chairs that have been set up for the ceremony. In the dark outside, fireflies flicker in and out of existence. The stars above them are almost unusually bright. It seems like there's a certain amount of magic in the air.

Cyrus may or may not cry during the vows. He and TJ sit together, knees pressed up against one another like always, the edges of their hands touching ever so gently stop them. He thinks he might have heard a sniffle or two from TJ as well, but he doesn't comment. TJ is sensitive about those kinds of things. Bex and Bowie are so obviously in love, they both nearly sob during their vows, and for a moment Cyrus envies them with everything he has. He wants that one day. To love somebody so much it consumes him, but it makes him happier and a better person in the process. He thinks about the boy sat next to him and how it feels like he's pretty close to that already.

In typical Mack fashion, they throw a stellar party for the reception. There's a live swing band and a lot of loud laughter. Champagne flows freely and a disco ball that he suspects was Andi's idea glitters above the makeshift dance floor. Cyrus watches in amusement as the guests get drinker, the dancing gets worse and the jokes get dirtier. Everyone's having such a good time. When the first waltz comes on, he catches TJ's eyes across the room.

It seems like time stops as he walks towards him. TJ meets him in the middle with a wide smile and pulls them both on to the dance floor, taking Cyrus’ hand and placing his own on his waist. Cyrus forgets all about pretending to be terrible but TJ doesn't seem surprised in the slightest.

“I knew you were faking,” he laughs.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Cyrus says, but he can't hold back his own smile. “... How'd you figure it out?”

He rolls his eyes. “I know you better than anyone, Cy. You're my best friend. You think I don't know you can dance? Your mom's shown me the pictures of your ballroom classes before. I'm not totally stupid.”

Cyrus prevents himself from saying 'that's debatable’ but it's a close call. TJ seems to read his mind and laughs anyway.

“I don't get why you needed to pretend, though,” he says. “You don't need to come up with excuses to hang out with me. You could tell me we're going to go sit in a field in silence for four hours and I'd still come because you'd be there.”

Cyrus sighs. “I know… it's just. I don't know. It's stupid, never mind.”

“No, what is it? Tell me.”

“I think…” he takes a deep breath. “You say you're my best friend, and that's true, but I also think you're more than that. And you have been for a really long time.”

TJ just keeps looking at him, saying nothing. Cyrus continues.

“Maybe it's just me that feels that way… but I don't think it is. I was hoping maybe if we got some one on one time doing something romantic maybe… maybe you'd say something?”.

“You pretended you couldn't dance because you wanted me to admit I have feelings for you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, obviously I do. Even Jonah knows that. Why didn't you just ask?”

Cyrus gapes at him. He can't believe it was that easy. TJ hadn't even hesitated to admit it. “... I didn't think of that.”

“You know, for the smartest guy I've ever met, you're kind of dumb,” TJ says with a fond look. “You could've told me how you felt too.”

“Oh… hush,” Cyrus says. “Stop smirking it's not funny.”

“It's pretty funny,” TJ grins. Cyrus pushes himself up on to his tiptoes to reach him, and just to wipe the amused smile from his face he presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

TJ makes him want to tear his hair out sometimes, but it's in the best way possible.

[tyrusquacks]

Misdirections: Prologue

Read it on AO3

Cyrus felt like he could kill Andi right now. Despite being far away from her, each stood on the opposite ends of the ridiculously wide street of Broadway, he was certain that the girl was giggling at him. It’s not like she was doing a good job hiding it. Had he not been so embarrassed, Cyrus might have tried to find the humor in the situation. But right now, that was beyond his capability. Instead, his eyes shot daggers at Andi, which he hoped she could feel, while his mind devised all sorts of revenge plots to get back at his friend. The worst part was that it was all entirely Andi’s fault. She knew that Cyrus had very little faith in the drivers of New York City. That he very religiously followed all traffic lights at all times, which, she liked to point out, was not very New Yorker of him.

So why had she egged him along at the intersection, seemingly convinced that 3 seconds would be enough to cross Broadway? Fucking Broadway!!!

Of course, it wasn’t enough time. But Andi, who was already a few feet ahead of him, swiftly ran to the other side long after the countdown was over and the red hand on the light had stopped flashing. Almost immediately, impatient drivers began to move forward and aggressively honk at a panicked Cyrus who gave up midway into the street and ran back to the safety of the sidewalk from which he was currently murdering Andi with his stare. If he was being honest with himself, almost no one cared. It was summer. Which meant that the streets of downtown Manhattan were swarming with tourists who were either too engrossed in the scenery of imposing skyscrapers or too fixated on following their map, physical or digital, to notice a certain 16-year-old’s pathetic and failed attempt at crossing a street.

In theory, Cyrus should have overcome his initial anger by now. Except he didn’t, and this irrational bundle of emotions had now only changed target. Cyrus was angry at himself. Anyone else who hadn’t been in his hormone-fueled teenage mind for the past couple of months would find his reaction absurd, and under normal circumstances, it might have been. After all, he had just rationalized himself that what just happened was practically a non-event for all witnesses, of which there were few to none. The truth was, being extremely self-conscious did unspeakable wonders for the teenage brain.

Cyrus was suffering from a very common, yet rarely spoken about ailment known as the spotlight effect. Simply put, he always felt watched, less in a creepy stalker way than bearing the nagging feeling that people around him not only paid attention to what he did but constantly judged his every move. He felt that way in school, at home, on social media, and now on a hot summer day on Broadway. Perhaps this wouldn’t such a bad thing if he felt confident about who he was and what he was doing. But it was quite the opposite. Lately, his thoughts were ridden of judgment about his own lack of a sense of self-accomplishment. And while he had always been a pensive person by nature, he found himself spending increasingly longer periods of time reflecting on all the things that he either had done wrong, hadn’t done at all, or should have been doing.

Unsurprisingly, the prospect of beginning his junior year in a few months and having to start serious conversations with himself, his friends, his parents, and his school officials about college and his “future”―whatever that entailed―had exacerbated this feeling. And if somehow that hadn’t been enough, the disastrous status of his romantic life was also becoming a trusted source of insecurity. Somehow, that’s probably what he felt most guilty about.

Cyrus Goodman has been out as gay to practically everyone he knows since middle school. In the liberal bubble of New York City, his sexuality was never an issue with the people he interacted with on a daily basis, and he was well aware of this privilege. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that there must be something wrong with him when everyone around him was having some kind of romantic experience and he wasn’t. Maybe it wasn’t the case, but it definitely felt like it.

In some regards, the environment of nearly automatic acceptance he was is only made things worse. As fucked up as he knew that sounded, he couldn’t even blame homophobia for his lack of romantic encounters. It also didn’t help that living in such a big city, he couldn’t pretend that a lack of possible romantic interests was the thing that was holding him back. It should be the total opposite. In fact, Cyrus believed he had run into more cute boys his age than he could count, and that according to the law of probability and probably some other principles that he had no time for, some of these boys were bound to like other boys. At this point into the endless pit of self-deprecation, the question he would ask was:

Then why hasn’t any of them liked me yet?

Before he even had time to mentally go down the preexisting list of all the possible reasons why, Cyrus was abruptly pulled out his thoughts and back into reality by a soft tap on his left shoulder, followed by a rather polite “Excuse me.” Startled, he briskly turned to face whoever was trying to get his attention. A girl with long blond hair, approximately his age or a little older, stood in front of him and began talking as soon as he made eye contact with her.

“Hi, sorry if I scared you but you look like you’re from here so I was wondering if you could help us,” she explained with a smile.

The “us” she was referring to consisted of her and the taller blond boy who was standing next to her, sporting a reluctant smile which signaled that he did not want to be part of this interaction. But the girl seemed nice, so Cyrus decided he would try to help. Only a few moments ago, he had been spiraling down some fairly unhealthy thoughts, but it only took a split second of hesitation before he returned their smile and replied:

“Sure, what do you guys need help with?”

“Do you know if there’s a Subway around here? It should be on this block but we’ve been walking around for like 20 minutes and we can’t find it,” she answered, her polite smile wavering as her despair became more obvious.

Although it didn’t show outwardly, Cyrus began to panic. He was horrible with directions and he knew it. That’s the main reason he never really went anywhere without his trusted best friends, Andi and Buffy. Worst of all, he didn’t live in the area they were in. He was merely being dragged along by Andi on one of her surprisingly frequent craft supplies shopping sprees. But now that he had already committed to helping this girl and her decidedly silent companion, he felt too awkward to tell these tourists the truth about his less than exceptional navigational abilities. So instead of saying: “I’m sorry, I don’t know,” which he really didn’t, he kept trying to help.

“Um like which- which one do you need?” he asked her, as he uncomfortably shifted his all his weight to one foot.

The girl seemed confused by the question. She gave a questioning look to the boy next to her who only shrugged in response.

“Well uh, I don’t know, whichever one is closest. I didn’t know there more than one in the area,” she admitted, visibly annoyed now. Her response made Cyrus chuckle internally. She had to have known that there was more than one subway line. It seemed like a no-brainer, even for a tourist.

“I mean… yeah, it depends where you wanna go. Do you have like an address?” he asked. Had he known what he was doing, he would have sent them to the nearest train station he knew of. But since he didn’t, he strategized to stall for as long as he could until they hopefully gave up or asked someone else. Unfortunately for him, despite her friend’s mildly uncomfortable silence, the girl seemed intent on getting a concrete answer out of him.

“No, we don’t have one. We didn’t think we’d need it. A friend told us there was a Subway on this street so I didn’t think it would be so hard to find. Could you just tell us if we’re supposed to go north or south?” Her tone was still polite, but growing increasingly forced. But Cyrus could tell that she wasn’t annoyed at him specifically, but frustrated with the situation as a whole. Now he was feeling awkward and guilty that he was being practically useless to these strangers. Suddenly, he felt unable to keep the charade going for much longer. After all, he only had to say north or south. Plus, he was sure that either way they would eventually stumble upon a subway station because as far as he knew, they were often not too far apart.

“Yeah okay. In that case, you should definitely go north,” he affirmed with all the fake certainty he could muster. He thought he was off the hook until the girl spoke again.

“So this way?” she asked, pointing in a general direction to their right. Now, more than ever, Cyrus wished Andi was still with him. She would have known what to do. For the first time since he’d started speaking to the stranger, he glanced across the street to find Andi looking down at her phone, waiting for him. He also noticed that the pedestrian light indicated that he could cross, so he decided to end this conversation as quickly as possible so he could escape to the other side of the street before the light went red again.

“Yup it’s that way,” he responded with more of the false confidence from his earlier reply, while vaguely gesturing to his right. The girl seemed satisfied with his answer and her face visibly relaxed as her smile became more genuine.

“Thank you! Thanks a lot,” she said while simultaneously beginning to drag her friend―or whatever he was―with her. “Have a great day!” she nearly shouted, already walking away, without waiting for Cyrus’ response.

Both relieved and a little panicked about what he’d just done, Cyrus wasted no time in crossing the street as fast as he possibly could until he reached Andi who was still on her phone. Needless to say, his encounter with the tourists had dissipated his anger towards his best friend, rendering all murder plots useless. Once he stood directly in front of her, Andi looked up at him and shoved her phone in her pocket.

“Who was that?” she inquired.

“Just some strangers. They were asking me for directions,” he responded, scratching the back of his head. Almost immediately, Andi’s eyebrows shot up.

“You? Giving directions? Since when-”

“Since never,” he interrupted her. “I panicked and just pretended I knew what I was talking about until they went away.” His tone was brusque and he clearly didn’t want to elaborate any further, which Andi must have noticed because she started walking again without a word, although Cyrus could tell she trying to suppress a chuckle. Still, grateful of her silence, he just followed her pace, sure to keep up with her this time to whatever thrift store they were headed to. As if his efforts to catch up with her had reminded her of what happened earlier, Andi turned to Cyrus to ask him about it.

“Hey, why did you run back? We were already in the middle of the street so you could have just run to the other side with me.” Her voice was soft and Cyrus couldn’t say that she was annoyed, just sincerely confused at his counterintuitive reaction. For his part, maybe he was no longer angry at her, but Cyrus wasn’t any more thrilled to discuss what he still felt was an embarrassing moment, so he didn’t. Instead, he looked away and just shrugged. Once again, Andi seemed to understand and didn’t pry. They had been walking in comfortable silence for only a few minutes before something caught Cyrus’ eye.

Subway.

The food franchise, not the mode of transportation. Cyrus stopped in his tracks, staring at the green sign as a wave of realization hitting him. Maybe she was talking about the restaurant this whole time. Then he thought about how confused she’d seemed when he asked her which subway line she wanted to take. Come to think of it, he hadn’t specified “subway line”. And when he asked her for the address she was headed to, she probably thought he meant the address of the restaurant.

Andi, who had noticed that he stopped walking, turned around and shot him a questioning look which he ignored as the maybe in his head turned into a most certainly. He looked back to where he was walking from, now painfully aware that he sent two strangers in the very opposite direction of what they were looking for. He definitely messed this up for them. His only consolation was that they were clearly tourists visiting the city so there was no chance he’d run into them again. Right?

Next: Chapter 1