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st4rg1rl-16 · 8 months

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━━ ✶✶˖° 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗢𝗡𝗘 | 𝗡𝟰𝗦.

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴(𝘀) ━ 2019 to 2023!f1 grid x driver!female oc

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ━ arabella talks about her past on her first appearance on drive to survive and attends her first formula one gala on melbourne

𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲 ━ 2019, 24 march

𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 ━ melbourne, australia

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ━ only cursing i believe

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 ━ I wrote the fic a little over a year ago when I started to like f1 so the first chapters sucks, this one specially it’s short and doesn’t happens much on it but it’s a start. It will get better and more dramatic, you will see 😮‍💨

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ━ @namgification @burberryfilms @d3kstar @omgsuperstarg

• — need for speed’s masterlist

"ARE you nervous?" At the cameraman's question, the girl dressed in red looked up but didn’t raise her head.

“Why?” English slid across her tongue mixed with a soft spanish accent. Her accent was not as pronounced as the other two hispanic drivers, but if you listened carefully, you could hear it clearly “Do I look nervous?”.

“No, no, no, you look very good” The man was quick to shake his head at her, making her smile slyly.

“Damn right I do” The staff laughed at the girl's self-centeredness when she moved in her seat in a more comfortable position and looked directly at the camera raising both eyebrows.

The coordinator approached the cameraman and looked at her with a slight smile "Okay, Arabella. Are you ready?”.

Releasing an affirmative 'Mmmh' she straightened her back again. She placed her right leg over her left thigh and gripped her ankle, leaning forward slightly in the chair.

"Introduce yourself and we'll proceed to the questions, then you can leave" The girl, still a little surprised to find herself there, nodded and began to play with the silver chain that hung around her neck.

It had been five months since she had signed with Ferrari to enter Formula One and she still couldn't believe it, despite being in a room sitting in front of a dark background with thousands of eyes looking at her and cameras recording her as she told her story so that came out in a Netflix documentary like she was a rock star or something.

It was fucking crazy.

“I'm Arabella Torres and I’m a driver for Scuderia Ferrari” She smiled without showing her teeth and looked at the woman who would ask the questions, who made a gesture encouraging her to continue “I was born in Madrid, Spain and I've always wanted to be a Formula One driver. It's been five months since I've done it and, uhm, I still can’t believe this isn't a dream”.

“At what age did you start driving?”.

“Officially?” She asked and the director laughed while the interviewer nodded “At nine years old. When I was seven I was given my first kart, well actually it was for my little brother, Oliver, who is now a motorcycle driver, but he was very young and was more interested in Pokémon than cars. Anyway, I took over the go-kart and started racing 'illegally'” She made quotation marks with the index and middle fingers of both hands and laughed “I raced against other kids at the go-kart track that they put on at fairs every spring and summer in my neighborhood. Parents bet money against their children”.

There were several laughs and she smiled, shrugging her shoulders.

“When I was nine years old, my father signed me up for the Spanish Karting Championship. I won” She made a face of obviousness raising both eyebrows. "After that I began to climb categories. I won all the races. I remember thinking that it was very boring because everyone was very slow and it bored me, it was very easy to win.

“Is that why they call you 'Speedy'?” The blonde, brown-eyed woman shuffled some papers she held in her hands as she crossed her leg over the other.

She pursed her lips. "A narrator from the European Championship called me that. It was in... 2012, I think? I don't know. I finished the race almost two minutes ahead of the second driver, I was the fastest by a lot. I broke the international speed record for the category. I remember I didn't know what it meant because I didn't know much English at the time and I got offended when people started calling me that, I thought they were making fun of me”.

"Poor thing," she let out an empathetic laugh, "Of course, you were only twelve years old at the time and you had never left Spain, right?”.

“Never”.

"Do you like to go fast? As you said, they were very slow and you got bored”.

"I love going fast," She took a deep breath with a big smile on her face, "I feel the need, the need for speed."

“I feel the need, the need for speed!” They all repeated the phrase in unison making her laugh.

"Okay, let's see..." She bit her lip looking for the next question, as soon as she read it she frowned but read it anyway "What is it like to be a woman in this sport? To be the only female driver in Formula One?" One?.

A snort escaped from between her full lips, “That question….”

"How many times have they asked you this?"

“I haven't counted them but I've only been in Formula One for five months and I'm sick of that question already.” She rubbed her forehead and licked her lips before letting out a sigh. “But okay, I'll answer. Whatever” she shrugged unwillingly and the others laughed making her smile “As a child I had no friends. At school they didn't want to hang out with me because I was the weird car girl who sometimes skipped classes to go to competitions, even many of my teachers didn't treat me well for it.

The interviewer looked at her with her mouth open in amazement and Arabella nodded as if to say "It's true, believe it”

“They were angry with me because I didn't go to their classes because maybe I had a championship in a city 500km away and I couldn't go to school in three days. Sometimes they would ask me "Arabella, why are you wasting your time with that?" or "Arabella, you're a girl, that's for boys" and I would get angry because, who were they to tell me what I should do with my life? I thought "my parents have given me permission" and that's all that mattered to me, that my parents agreed and supported me” She adjusted the belt of the red jumpsuit and continued “As for Formula One, I'm not going to lie, it’s hard. Not because of the job itself but because of the people, all those people who criticize me for just being a woman and overestimate me as if I didn't know how to use a car, it's the most difficult thing”.

“Do they send you a lot of hateful messages on social media?”

She clucked her tongue with a wry smile hanging on her lips. "And death threats. I don't give a shit though– oh wait!” She ran her hand up to her mouth and wide-eyed looked around her “Can I swear?”.

The director along with her manager, sitting behind some televisions a few meters away, agreed with a laugh.

She sighed in relief and smirked, "Ah, so.....shit, I don't give a shit. People can say what they want, after all they're sitting at home and I'm the one being paid to drive a fucking Ferrari”.

She looked away from the woman and winked at the camera, the technician blushed and inadvertently turned the angle ever so slightly.

“Tell me about your family. How is your life now that you have got an eight million dollar contract? Because as far as I know, you didn't have a lot of money growing up, right?”.

She turned her gaze to her "Yes, that's true. My parents worked as cashier in supermarkets and we didn't have a lot of money. We had to sell the house because the bills and debts were piling up. After that we moved in with my paternal grandparents and lived with them for a couple of years until we moved to the coast to live with my maternal grandparents. It was difficult because we were eight people living in a five-bedroom house in which the only source of income was my parents. I almost never saw them, they went to work in the morning and came back at night. My grandmother raised me and my brother, that was when I was six years old.” She clenched her jaw and blinked several times, trying not to cry. Her family didn’t have a very good time as far as money was concerned.

She swallowed back tears and continued “When I started winning races, I started making money and with that I helped out at home. We could eat better, my grandmother was in poor health so we could pay for her medicines too, school materials and bills but still most of the money went on trips to the competitions so it was still a bit difficult to pay for things. When I started in Formula 3 I began to earn more money and paid most of my parents' debts, then in Formula 2 I paid my grandparents' debts and house and some other things to my aunts. Now that I earn so much money I have been able to buy a house for myself and I have bought another one for my parents. Now I want to buy one for my grandparents. I want no one in my family to lack anything, ever”.

The lady smiled sadly and nodded. "That's very noble of you. Is that your goal in Formula One, to take care of your family?”.

“It is one of them but not the main one”.

“What is your goal in Formula One?”.

She fixed her gaze on the camera, her face completely changed to a serious and determined one. "Win. I want to be the best, I want to be better than Lewis Hamilton, I want to win the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix.

"Do you think you'll make it?".

"Oh, I know I will." Her right corner rose pulling her full lips into a self-centered half smile. "Even if I have to die for it, I will."

“GOD, my tits are sweating” She complained while her fingers pulled on the corset, trying to unstick it from her skin so some air could pass through.

The boy let out a laugh that he tried to hide with his hand but she heard him. She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. “Is this funny to you? I'm suffering”.

“It's not every day that I hear that someone's chest is sweating, sorry for laughing” He apologized but she ignored him by pulling at her clothes again. He looked her up and down, delicately observing how the long ferrari red skirt fit around her body, stopping right at her waist letting the corset of the same color expose the skin of her hip.

He wondered where the team's logo was, he had it on his jacket on the side of his chest but the prancing horse wasn’t on her dress.

Without taking his eyes of her, he licked his lips "If it's any consolation, I think you look very pretty."

“Wow, Leclerc” Immediately a flirtatious smile crept across her lips and he rolled his eyes “And here I thought you were going to be rude and not give a compliment to this beautiful lady”.

“Why give you compliments if you already give them to yourself?” He turned his gaze to the window and observed the streets of Melbourne without interest, without a doubt they were not as interesting as the beauty sitting next to her.

A silence filled the car, it wasn't uncomfortable but it was silence and it was killing Charles because he wanted –no, he needed– for her to say something. He needed them to keep talking because he knew that when they got to her gala they were going to snatch her from his arms and he probably wouldn't talk to her again until the next day.

"I think you're very handsome too." With a murmur she broke the silence. Playing with the rings that decorated her fingers and also looked out her window “The suit looks good on you.”

“Thank you, Belle” A feeling of warmth enveloped him and suddenly he felt that the suit was suffocating him. He cleared his throat and shifted in the seat “I heard you recorded with Netflix today, how did it go?”.

She turned her body, with difficulty because of her corset, in the direction of his so that she could better converse with him. She smiled slightly "It was strange?" Her laugh make him smile "I had never done something like this but I liked being able to tell my story and I'm eager for people to see it. I want them to know me for me and not for what the press says or the haters on the internet.

Giving her a somewhat sad smile he took her hand in his and squeezed it affectionately "I'm sure they'll love you."

"Thank you, Charles." Her eyes traveled all over his face as she responded with a grateful smile.

For Arabella, her relationship with her teammate was strange. She knew him from Formula Three but they never spoke because he was older and was always with the boys his age while she only had Mick and Lando as friends since most of the other kids didn't like that there was a girl in Formula Three, much less one that was who was kicking their asses. It was when she started in the Ferrari academy in 2016 that they were introduced to each other but they didn’t hang out too much since he was still affected by the death of his godfather, Jules Bianchi, and she was very focused on finishing her studies to be able to focus on her career better.

Eight months ago, Ferrari was beginning to tease that both would be the next drivers for Formula One, so their managers suggested that they start talking to improve their camaraderie and she couldn't complain, they had a good relationship but it was strange since sometimes there was tension and he had a hard time talking to her, sometimes he seemed shy or cold and that drove her crazy because she only wanted a friend, she didn't have any so being friends with her teammate sounded good.

While for Charles his relationship with Arabella was pleasant or at least it was until a couple of months ago, when he began to look at her with different eyes and he didn’t like that because it was dangerous for both him and her, they would be kicked out of Ferrari because the contract they had signed and Arabella would be massacred on social media, it would be a disaster. Of course, this is speaking in case she also reciprocated his feelings and they started a relationship, but it didn't look like that was going to happen at any time because his teammate didn't even deign to look at him for more than a minute, let alone look at him that way.

He didn't want their friendship to be affected by his little crush, he wanted to be her teammate and her friend, but unfortunately sometimes his feelings got the better of him and he didn't know how to act in front of her so things sometimes became awkward.

“Do you think the sponsors will like me?” Her question caught his attention, taking him away from her thoughts. He looked at her and for a moment he swore he saw a small, insecure girl.

He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb and smiled at her "They're going to love you, like everyone else and if not better for me then”.

She let go of his hand, much to his dismay, and gave him a little push on his arm, making him laugh in amusement.

Suddenly screams began to be heard outside the car, drawing the attention of both drivers. Each one looked out their respective window, amazed to see fans crowded at the door of the hotel where the small gala for the beginning of the season would be held.

"We have arrived" The driver informed them, drawing their attention; they didn’t even remembered that there was a third person in the car.

They looked at each other. Charles took a deep breath, placing his hand on the door handle "Wait here, I'll help you down."

“There‘s no need...”

“Yes, there is” And with that he got out of the car, the screams increased.

The girl took a breath and began to play with the pearl necklace that decorated her neck.

“Hostia puta” Muttered to herself in her native language before sighing and putting a smile on her face. Holy shit.

Just in time the door opened revealing her teammate. He extended his hand towards her offering support, she looked into his eyes and nodded ever so slightly to herself before sliding her hand over his. As soon as she got out of the car, the flashes blinded her and the screams left her deaf for a few seconds until Charles began to pull her towards the hotel door.

She smiled at the cameras and let herself be carried away by the monegasque, who took her arm and wrapped it in his own before leaning towards her ear. His lips lightly brushing against his ear “You're doing so good”

Her body froze, why she suddenly had goosebumps?.

The brown haired boy walked away from her although he was still at a quite questionable distance and locked eyes with her. Arabella frowned slightly, getting lost in his green eyes so light that they seemed transparent unlike her own, which were assimilated to fresh grass.

What was happening?.

“Bella!” Daniel Ricciardo exclaimed as soon as he saw them, interrupting whatever was happening between them. The younger two turned in the direction of the voice, finding themselves with a small group made up of some of their fellow drivers.

“Danny” The girl smiled, letting go of her teammate to head towards the others. Immediately the middle child of the Leclercs felt a sting in his chest when he saw her leaving, but then was distracted when he saw something shining on the girl's lower back.

'FERRARI'

The team's name in capital letters danced with every step the girl took, written in sparkling gems on the skirt of her dress not far from her butt.

“Mon dieu” He breathed out through his nose, shaking his head. It was going to be a very long night. My god.

“I don't know if it's legal for you to drink alcohol in this country” The spaniard male looked with concern at the glass of champagne that was dancing between his compatriot's delicate hands.

"Don't worry, I asked Ricciardo and he said the minimum age here is eighteen” She pursed her plump lips in a smile and brought the glass to her mouth, finishing off the golden liquid in one gulp. She wrinkled his nose “Esto es un coñazo.” This is so fucking boring.

Sainz let out a small laugh behind his glass. “Yes, it is.”

“Ah, I know!” A gasp came out of her mouth and her gaze lit up, which scared the McLaren driver who looked at her with terror “We should escape”.

“No no no no. Don't even think about it, Bella” He left the glass on the bar where they were leaning while he shook his head repeatedly.

A pout appeared on her lips, painted red as her dress “Oh, come on! Please, Carlos” She began to fix the boy's suit as if it wasn’t perfectly ironed, she squinted at him “Tell me you wouldn't eat a hamburger from McDonalds instead of this fucking appetizers that feels like you're eating cardboard”.

He looked at her interested and she smiled, he was going to accept. He opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by the arrival of the monegasque.

He looked at the girl's hands on the older man's chest and frowned. "What are you doing?"

“She's seducing me” The black-haired man murmured in english, earning a pinch from the girl “Oh! Hija de–“ Son of (a bitch).

“We were talking about going to eat something real and not this” She picked up a appetizer that was next to her with a disgusted expression before turning to Charles to look at him curiously “Do you want to come? It seems that Carlitos doesn't want to come with me”.

To be alone with her? In that dress of hers? Without thinking he answered yes and she stuck her tongue out at Carlos, who rolled his eyes.

“If you leave, you should go to your hotel, to sleep and nothing else” Carlos opened his eyes widely and set his tone in the last sentence, insinuating something.

"How boring," She twisted her mouth before taking 16's hand, taking him by surprise "See you, Carlitos. Have a good time, eh”.

In response, the older man gave her the middle finger to which she laughed before beginning to pull her teammate, who looked at the older man over his shoulder.

—Careful— Who with his index and ring fingers pointed to his eyes and then to them as if to say "I'm keeping an eye on you."

An hour and a half later they were both sitting on the hood of a Ferrari devouring some hamburgers while looking at Melbourne from a viewpoint that Daniel had advised Arabella to visit.

“Will we get in trouble for this?” Guilt had begun to form in the female driver’s stomach. What if they got into serious trouble for having escaped? Or worse, what if she got Charles into trouble?.

Even without swallowing his burger and with sauce on the corner of his mouth, he gave him a toothless smile “If we do it, it's worth it. Dieu, those appetizers were horrible”. God.

She laughed thinking he looked adorable, she looked down at the burger in her hands and took another bite.

“Don't worry, we already talked to all the sponsors” Seeing her still worried, he dropped the hamburger on his lap and took her chin in his huge hand, making her turn her face to look at him “We did our job. They will tell us nothing. Calm down, okay?”.

Since she didn't answer, he got closer to her and leaned his hand up to her, forcing her to look up at him "Okay?"

She let out an affirmative "Mmmh" finally looking into his eyes. And suddenly everything stopped: the lights, the noise of the cars, the air moving the trees, the voice of Harry Styles singing the chorus of "Lights Up" from the car radio. Everything, everything stopped and began to move in slow motion when Charles, cautious, began to approach her while her gaze began to run a marathon between her lips and her eyes.

And then everything exploded, everything came to life again at a speed faster than the cars they drives for a living as soon as their lips collided. As cliche as it sounded, Arabella felt fireworks explode around her as the hand holding her chin slid to her throat, Charles's other hand wrapped around her waist pulling her closer. The hamburger she was holding in her hands fell to the ground when she let go of it to bring her hands to the boy's hair, she let out a moan into his mouth when the hand on her neck squeezed in response.

They broke apart as her lungs began to scream for air, Charles resting his forehead on hers before tucking an unruly lock of hair that was covering her face behind her ear. She watched him silently while trying to catch her breath.

He smiled, kissing her forehead to which she let out a sigh, closing her eyes. "This, for this we can get into trouble."

She felt him pull her lips away from her skin and almost moaned in protest but she decided to shut up when he brought their foreheads together again and looked at her so intensely that she felt like she could see into his soul.

“If I get into trouble for you, it's worth it. You are worth it”.

#charles leclerc x reader #lando norris x reader #carlos sainz x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #max verstappen x reader

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sehtoast · 2 months

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Tender Threads CH3 (Homelander x OC)

chapter three: initiation

chapter directory | slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, spidersona as original character, original trans male character, smut, sublander

summary: time to make it official. speeches, crowds, and vought's guard dog watching his every move. better not mess up, bug boy.

Word was out by fault of a leak. Before the official announcement by Vought, news outlets had plastered Spidey over every flat surface and digital medium possible. It wasn’t the first time Ben had made international news, but it was the first time it was to a scale like this. He’s been a hot subject since becoming one of the only ‘rogue’ supes to not choose outright crime, though vigilantism was still technically illegal. But he had droves of public support and pretty much always has.

Spider-Man had been gasoline added to the fire in the debate of unlicensed heroes. He wasn’t the first, but he was certainly one of the more popular ones– though Ben could never fathom why. Within three years of first donning the mask, he found himself trending on social media on a nearly regular basis for reasons both good and bad.

Spidey Doesn’t Kill. Spider-Man Saves Victims Before The Seven.

Debates on his morals or potential lack thereof.

He’s not getting paid for it, obviously he’s doing it because he’s a good guy.

What if he’s just some sick freak that wants an excuse to beat up on people?

It was… a lot.

But it’s never been anything like this. At least the outrage of the handful of exceptionally vocal few was satisfying. Especially that weird guy that runs The Bugle.

Ben was given a script for his formal introduction. Vought was going all out. A stage, cameras, a massive crowd…

It was fucking scary.

He’d met Stillwell a week prior. Just do it the way Homelander does, she’d said to him. As if it were that easy. As if his entire life wasn’t just upended by both the world’s most powerful supe and conglomerate.

So here he stands, just a few blocks away from the stage in Central Park. Waiting for his little queue.

He can hear her over the loudspeaker. Insincerity and public posturing dripping from her voice like venom.

Ben hates these types. He’s dealt with them a lot in his job– well, old job– and something about her was so… wrong. The way she smiled at him when he lifted the pen from his contract, name forever etched, soul forever sold. Maybe it was how soothing she tries to be. Soft voice, gentle eyes, even though behind it all is just another soulless little–

“I am so thrilled to present to you,” she says, voice bouncing off buildings and into Benjamin’s ears.

His queue to jump, to dive low and arc high.

“The newest member of The Seven–”

Go, go, go! Drag line– zip– push off the wall– dive, momentum, go for the spectacle! Razzle dazzle ‘em, Ben! C’mon, Stillwell! Say it! Say the fucking line!

“The Amazing Spider-Man!”

Just as the words fly off her tongue, Ben comes into full view of the crowd. Cheers erupt like deafening thunder, seemingly drowning out the city. He peers down as gravity corrects his display of performative agility, sending him on a dive toward the stage.

A zipline to the rafters is all he needs to stick the landing, a quick handstand to add that pizzazz that was demanded from him, and a web from which to dangle upside down as he waved like the good little performer he was.

It wasn’t without its own beauty. Even upside down those signs were clear as day.

We Love You Spidey!

You Saved Us!

NY ♥️s Spidey!

The cheers, the kids in shifty little homemade costumes, his signature hand gesture that releases his webbing being held high by thousands...

Even in the air, he couldn’t see the end of the crowd.

But there’s no time for his brain to blue-screen like this, especially not when Stillwell all but grabs him and directs him to the podium.

Oh fuck, public speaking. Christ, Ben thinks to himself, okay, imagine them all in their underwear…

The roar of the crowd silences in mere seconds as they wait for him to speak.

Thank god for the mask. And the podium… fuck, are my legs shaking?

“Hi, everyone.” Ben begins, clearing his throat awkwardly. He had a lot to nail here. Poise, confidence, and whatever else was gonna help make supes look competent enough to belong in that defense bill. Yeah, Stillwell made sure he knew not to fuck up their future as Lockheed Martin’s biggest competitor.

One step out of line could be catastrophic.

“I just… I wanna start by thanking everyone, y’know? Everyone here, out there, friends, family… the whole shebang.” He starts, letting the thunderous applause run its course before moving on. “But most importantly, I want to thank Vought for giving me this chance–”

Gag, gag, gag! This is horrible! Ben thinks to himself as he runs his script. Part way through some babble about small beginnings, he notices a flash of red and white behind the proscenium wall of the stage.

Homelander’s here?

“I’m just so incredibly grateful to be standing here today, y’know? I hope I make you folks proud. Thank you,” oh christ, here we go with the raw corporate vomit, “and god bless America!”

Blegh.

Ben takes the slightest step away from the podium, and it’s like a jet engine firing up right in the middle of the park. Screams and cheers, applause and all sorts of noise making doohickeys. Beside him, Stillwell ceases her own claps to gently guide him from the podium. Then, the noise explodes.

Whatever fanfare was for Spidey becomes infinitely louder when those colors sway out from behind the wall.

“Oh, no! Hey, you guys!” Homelander shouts to the masses, his smile wide and happy as he makes his way to the microphone. He claps a hand against Ben’s shoulder and pulls him back to the podium to stand with him. “C’mon, let’s hear it for Spider-Man, eh?”

Homelander leans in as the deafening uproar picks back up. “Bet’cha don’t get that as a vigilante, huh?”

Then, as the noise dies down, Homelander begins his own performance.

“I, for one, am incredibly glad to have this fella join our team. It’s unfortunate that Translucent was injured so badly by an unknown enemy during his last mission, and I swear to God that we’ll find whoever is responsible and bring them to justice!” Homelander pauses. “But, I know that Spidey here will bring his own incredible qualities to our team, and I very much look forward to working with him, and the rest of The Seven, to keep our country, and world, safe!”

Perfectly impassioned. Voice strong, tone bold but somber for his incapacitated friend. Humble and domineering, but worthy of adoration.

He’s one hell of a spectacle up close.

Homelander’s arm slings around Ben’s shoulders, indicating that he, too, should wave to the masses. He was showing the world how friendly they are with one another despite the real deal behind the scenes. Despite what he’d said and done to the bug.

Benjamin wasn’t going on a patrol tonight. No, no… after today, all he wants to do is curl up and hibernate. Maybe it was all of the dread and anxiety for his big reveal day that had weighed him down, but he felt so heavy. There was no way he’d be able to resist a nap on a rooftop at this rate.

Besides, this was probably one of the last times he’d ever sleep a full night here. Well, most of a full night, given his sixth sense’s tendency to rouse him at odd intervals.

Vought was moving him in. Sure he could keep the apartment, but what was the point? All of his things were going to be transferred by Vought’s moving services, so all he really had to do was pack everything up even though he technically didn't actually have to– the moving team would handle everything. Not that there was much he could have in a studio apartment, but…

He’d gotten as far as boxing up his clothes, but everything else was still as is.

Instead of doing more, though, he just grabs that same guitar whose strings Homelander nearly broke, lays back, and picks a melody until drowsiness turns to pure exhaustion.

Unaware of the eyes watching him through the walls.

The boy was… a curious thing. Obligation had turned to fascination, fascination became fixation, and fixation became obsession a little too quickly for his liking. But that didn’t stop Homelander from continuing with his observations.

It never does.

He was almost grateful that killing the bug was off the table completely. Had he done so in that alley, he wouldn’t be here now, being practically serenaded– well, all except for some singing that Benjamin has yet to unknowingly perform for him. Everything he’d seen over the last few weeks had driven him insane.

Why in the hell would such an extraordinary supe choose this? The mundane, the boring, the simple.

The mud.

He could have been so much more so long ago! And Vought? Vought waited this long to pursue and sign him? What a fucking joke! Homelander would’ve taken him over Starlight in a second had they pitched him earlier. He supposes, though, that it was because they had been taking formal auditions back then…

But what a specimen this Benjamin was turning out to be. So bold, yet so timid. So happy and sad all at once. Human, yet impeccably super. And so very fun to watch live his boring little life. Homelander will almost miss watching the web-head scramble to make it to work on time, swinging around the city in his cheap dress shirt, spider suit stuffed in a backpack, and then doing that stupid job as a… oh, what was it..? Some kind of tech bullshit, whatever it was.

Suffice it to say, it’ll be magnificent with the bug living in the same building soon. Easier to observe that way.

#homelander #homelander x oc #homelander fanfiction #homelander x reader #the boys #the boys fanfic #antony starr #homelander x you #the benlander agenda

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voldkat · 4 months

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iterator headcanon masterpost !

i have been cultivating my own little special iterator interpretation while designing them , and i've never quite told anyone about all my headcanons , so i'm making this post :D

i may come back to this to add onto it if i think of more stuff / refine the headcanons i'm unsure of , so check back at this post sometime if you want :)

iterators are divided into three loosely defined generations ;

generation one , the very beginnings of iterator technology

gen 1 iterators are few and far between , with the ancients only starting to dabble into this kind of technology . they're characterized by simpler puppets and usually older superstructure tech .

gen 1 iterators are also separated into 2 vague sub-categories — early gen 1 , and late gen 1 . early gen 1 iterators are the very first proper iterators to have been built , sporting various flaws and design oversights that were later fixed in late gen 1 iterators . the two don't have many differences other than this .

most , if not all group seniors are gen 1 iterators . looks to the moon is early gen 1 , and sliver of straw is late gen 1 .

generation two , during the mass production era

gen 2 iterators are the most common type of iterator , around the time the ancients grew confident in their iterator models and began to experiment . they have the most in-generation variation , a lot of them built with specific modifications and more complex designs .

most gen 2 iterators were built with a secondary purpose in mind , one to improve the ancients' quality of life in some way . things like mathematics , bioengineering , medical help , and sometimes even art . though they still have the main purpose of solving the great problem , some gen 2 iterators chose to instead focus on their secondary purpose more .

no significant harassment , seven red suns , and chasing wind are gen 2 . no significant harassment is a scientific calculator with a built-in graphing tool . i haven't thought of secondary purposes for the other two yet .

generation three , the moments before global ascension

gen 3 iterators are less common than gen 2 iterators , but still outnumber gen 1 iterators . they are incredibly streamlined from thousands of cycles of innovation , but their puppet designs remain relatively simple .

the ancients returned from their burst of creativity to once again make iterators for the sake of iterating alone . at this point , they were getting impatient from the lack of a solution . gen 3 iterators were built with the sole purpose of trying to crack the great problem , with little thought put into anything else .

five pebbles and unparalleled innocence are gen 3 .

iterators have one main color which acts as that iterator's ID . the color is always present on various parts of the iterator , such as their overseers and inspectors , their puppet's eyes , as well as the decor on their puppet's earpieces and antennae . this color is used in broadcast transcripts as well , and most puppets also feature this color in other aspects of their design .

there are more iterators out there than distinct identification colors , so some iterators are bound to end up with very similar colors . extra care is taken to make sure no iterators with similar color IDs have the same name acronym , for the sake of being able to tell apart between them . iterators with similar color IDs are also usually placed far apart , for the convenience of having a unique color for every iterator in a local group .

these IDs are usually stored in hex codes , and are often vibrant and / or colorful . iterators with white , black , or gray IDs are incredibly rare , and gray IDs especially are discouraged . i'm still tweaking around the colors for a lot of my iterator designs , but i can tell you the color IDs of the ones that do have solid designs ;

no significant harassment — #A0FC94

seven red suns — #E11F11

dark tides ( oc ) — #7B506B

red haze ( oc ) — #C68E9B

basically , my interpretation of this room in metropolis ;

despite the distance , the communities living atop iterators are just as connected as the iterators themselves . trade routes are established between cities , communication towers are used to let citizens talk to each other , and their cultures are somewhat intertwined . but , most importantly , a city can communicate to other iterators just as well as it can communicate with their home iterator .

you see those networks of dots and lines on the screens ? those are maps of all the scattered iterators . select one of these nodes — which , in my interpretation , are colored based on the corresponding iterator's color ID — and you will send a communication request for that iterator to respond to . the iterator can choose to accept the request or to block it if they're busy , but a select few special ancients are able to force a transmission in case of emergencies .

there are other faster methods for ancients to contact foreign iterators that don't require directly interfacing with them via a screen , so these screens aren't used very frequently . these screens can be used to contact the home iterator too , who is always highlighted with a simple 'you are here' mark .

multiple different cities can connect to the same iterator at the same time . likewise , multiple different iterators can connect to the same city at the same time . both of these allow for mass transmissions or group meetings for both ancients and iterators .

more to be added !

#🌟 // brainrots #🌧 // rain world #rain world #rw iterator #rain world iterator #🫧 :: squeegee

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honeybewrites · 5 months

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Writeblr Intro!!

Figured I should do an introduction for my little crevice of the internet!

I go by HoneyBe, or just Honey, or just Be, or really any other name you feel like! I mostly use she/her, they/them pronouns, but feel free to use whatever. I’m in my 20s and on the AroAce spectrum. I’ve been writing on and off since middle school and I’m hoping to get better at improving my skills, because 12 year old me didn’t care about that but 20 year old me does. I’m hoping to find (or build) a little community to support and help each other with all the writing things. Mostly though, this is just me gaslighting and guilt tripping myself into thinking that by not writing and posting, I will disappoint a nonexistent audience on the internet and not just myself, because apparently that’s the only way my brain will cooperate with me.

Couple other little tidbits about me:

Big fan of the found family trope. Literally will make me squeal at a highly obnoxious volume.

LOVE extensive world building. I want to know every detail of a magic system and how a planet operates. I will listen to you rant about lore for hours, just please let me do the same every once in a while. I am begging, please, I want to tell you all the things.

I’m a little funky photographer trying to start her own little funky photography business, mostly to give myself more time to travel and write and also to get out of my full-time retail job (it’s pure hell and I hate it with an unholy, unmatchable heat of a thousand suns).

I love flowers. They’re just so pretty and as a little honeybee myself, it’s part of my job.

If you mention dragons, you will summon me. I have an obsession with the magical creatures and it knows no bounds.

My Main WIP, or I guess world, is what got me into writing in the first place, and I’ve been messing with it for years. You’d think that would mean I have it decently fleshed out, right? Nope. Unfortunately, The Plot keeps escaping my basement and causing a train wreck. If anyone has better restraint suggestions, let me know. My neighbors are starting to get concerned.

Anywho! The whole world is called The Seven Realms, or as my docs are titled, 7R. I know, so original. She wants to grow up and be a series with little series siblings, all connected in one Big Family. Seriously, I have OCs all over this world’s history and very vague vibes, aka, The Plot, to go along with them. Here are my two main ones.

Eclipse of War Chronicles (EoWC)

Colliding Stars (supposedly book 1)

The Realms are in chaos. A war started nearly a hundred years ago, still raging today, has wrecked both sides. The original intent of the war has long left everyone’s mind; it’s now a fight over territory and unification. The Realms border on complete and totally collapse from the strain of this ongoing blood bath and neither side refuses to admit defeat.

Project Viall, created during the hight of the war, was set on creating superior fighters. After many failed attempts, two successful subjects were created from the genetic experiments.Trained side by side to be flawless and merciless loyal weapons of death, they end up on opposite sides of this vicious war. Both intent on destroying the other, while their partner and closest friend hides behind the mask. Bonds are tested. Secrets revealed. Loyalties made and destroyed as two partners threaten to destroy the entirety of the Realms in their hunt for blood.

Legend of the Ancients (LotA)

The Fallen Dragons (supposedly book 1 of another series)

A brutal war has left the dragons all but extinct. To preserve the species, the remaining dragons have gone into hiding, leaving behind a subspecies borne through the war to fend for themselves: the Tanimoriem. Generations later, no one has seen or heard of a dragon, leaving the Tanimoriem as their only remains to once was. Knowing little of their history and being hunted simply for being kin to dragons, the Tanimoriem learned how to fight viciously and keep to themselves, earning a reputation as vile, unfeeling demons.

Accepting a bounty mission, Ryuk, a seasoned Tanimoriem, gets more than he bargained for. He had been told this was another monster that needed killing. A dangerous beast. Instead he’s met with a child who finds his horns and wings fascinating. Ryuk is forced to look after the child until he can figure out what secretive plot is brewing, because it might just involved the Tanimoriem.

Of course, my goblin brain has given me plenty more snippets and random characters in different times in this world that I have yet to do much with. The world of the Seven Realms has consumed me for years and I have been shown no mercy. I’m planning to do a proper intro post to each WIP and their characters at some point… *puts twenty reminders in phone to write intro posts*

Also!! I will take all asks, tags, and DMs you can throw at me. Literally. Ask me about anything. Books, WIPs, OCs, hell, even ask about my least favorite color or my favorite bread. I do not care. I will answer. I want to be friends will all of you!! I don’t sting! I promise!!

#writeblr #writeblr intro #wip #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #I don't know what I'm doing so bare with me

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aheckinmess · 7 days

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Quiet Strength

(Part 6 of Cursed, Not Cute.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Dad Sukuna, Ryomen Sukuna, Ryoumen Sukuna, OC Child, Satoru Gojo, Child Satoru Gojo, Protective Sukuna, Sukuna is Bad at Feelings, No One is Surprised There, Angst, Fluff, Mostly Fluff/Comfort Because I Needed It, Tiger Spirit, Baekho, We Love Her, Headcanon of My Own Fic, That She Attached Her Spirit to Besu Because Their Levels of Sass Mesh So Well Together, Sukuna is Not Impressed, But He'll Get Over It, Gojo Still Has Yet to Learn Proper Self-Preservation Skills

Word Count: 1,640 words

Summary: While Besu and Gojo battle a brush with death, Sukuna finds himself having a dilemma about what to do regarding his daughter's growing compassionate ideals. So, when she comes rushing in asking for his help with Gojo, he determines there's only one decision he can make to show her where he stands on the matter.

Chapter 6: Quiet Strength

Sukuna felt a shift in the atmosphere, no doubt from Besu’s cursed energy. When he felt Satoru Gojo’s added onto it, he waved it off as the two sparring. Normally, he might feel more concern for his only daughter, except that he was having a dilemma on her behalf.

He paced across the luxurious den with his eternal scowl in place, disfiguring his tattoos as Besu once again had his damn emotions in a twist. The more she grew, the more Sukuna was forced to acknowledge that she was growing into a woman with her own ideals. Ideals that didn’t fit with his destructive mold. Ideals that he’d originally hoped would be in line with an heir befitting the terror of his name. Instead, Besu clung to her compassion as viciously as Sukuna devoted himself to his destruction.

If he weren’t so focused on what he should do, he might have detected the second wave of desperation coming from Besu’s cursed energy only a few blocks away.

Instead, when Besu’s shouts echoed through their vast mansion, he huffed from the top of the stairs, irritated at being torn from his musings.

“What do you–Besu?” The reasons for her childish screaming through the halls immediately became clear when he saw a bloodied corpse in her arms. Sukuna’s mind worked just as quick as his body as he rushed over to her. “What the hell happened?!”

Possibilities played through his mind. Had his daughter finally fulfilled her purpose as his wanton successor of savagery? Or was it something as simple as the boy doing something reckless and stupid to cause her to look so afraid and adamant as she presented Gojo to him?

When Toji’s name fell from Besu’s lips, Sukuna could only gape at her. Revenge boiled in his veins but lowered to a simmer when she handed over Gojo. Suddenly, Sukuna could only see her as she’d been at seven, terrified and begging her father for help.

His heir. His daughter. His world.

Her maroon eyes pierced his chest more precisely than any dagger ever could.

“Dad…please don’t let Satoru die.”

Sukuna shouldn’t have been so torn by the decision as his daughter swayed forward and he caught her with his second pair of arms. He wanted to heal her and ignore the bothersome Gojo brat, but Besu remained a weak spot in Sukuna’s armored psyche and it was clear her injuries were not as life-threatening.

Plus, he’d been the one to suggest she find friends in the first place because he’d promised it would be beneficial to her to have allies. And he’d be damned if he ate his own words.

“You little shits.” Sukuna growled, before turning to Gojo, who barely clung to life.

“You would speak so callously of Toji’s slayers?” Baekho’s form drifted into the mansion - or had she always been sitting there behind Besu? - seeming duller than usual. “I will care for the cub. You take care of young Satoru.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Sukuna hissed, lashing out as fear gripped him by the throat. “Remember your place, beast.”

“You’d do well to remember yours, young Ryomen.”

“Young? Tch. I’m over a thousand years old.” He snarled, using reverse cursed technique and watching the boy’s injuries fade as blood still stained his skin.

“And my spirit was here at the beginning of time to watch the birth of this world. You are all young to me. Now, shut up and heal the boy.” Baekho snarled, touching her nose to Besu’s forehead as her stripes glowed and Besu’s injuries disappeared. “Besu will need ample rest. She will not be waking for some time.”

“Why not? Was this your doing?” Sukuna hadn’t felt so feral since he’d executed his month-long war for the takeover of Japan. Few matched him in terms of strength, but hearing that his daughter might not wake up brought out a different sort of unhinged rage within him.

“No. Her power has expanded and evolved.” Baekho replied calmly, nudging her muzzle under Besu until she could heft her onto her back. “My own rage allows me an increase in power, turning my spirit and energy red. However, it would appear that the culmination of young Besu’s rage and my own amplify that power even more between the two of us. Coupled with your technique that you’ve taught her, your cub is a force even Toji was unable to match.”

“You mean my technique that Besu has yet to execute properly?” Sukuna sneered.

“I mean your technique that Besu used to deal the killing blow.”

. . . . .

Besu woke up feeling like she’d been hit by a truck. After blinking a few times in the dim light, she remembered that “truck” was Toji Fushiguro. When she grunted and turned to see her father asleep on a couch across from her bed, it suddenly didn’t matter.

“Daddy?” She whimpered, muscles groaning under every attempt at movement.

“Mmm…? Bechan!” Sukuna jumped to her side in a moment, sheltering her from the harsh danger of the world as he pulled her against his chest in a hug that squished together all of her broken pieces. Every broken part of her felt stitched together and whole again. “Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

“Everything feels sore.” She said, closing her eyes and feeling much like she wished she had as a child - protected and prized by her father. But her eyes flashed open as she looked up to him with a frantic question. “Is Satoru okay?”

“The boy is fine.” Sukuna rolled his eyes. “I’m told you fought Toji Fushiguro and came out the victor.”

“Baekho was responsible for our ability to come out victorious. Satoru and I weren’t able to land many hits. It was only when he was hurt that I felt capable of doing any real damage.” Besu sighed, her eyes falling to her deep blue quilt.

“Baekho herself told me that you used my technique to deal the final blow.” Sukuna said, forcing Besu’s eyes up by lifting her chin with his finger. “You’ve grown so much.”

“I know. I am sorry I have not grown into the daughter you’ve desired I would become.”

“No, you haven’t.” His words choked her, disappointment squeezing the breath out of her. Was that why he was squeezing her so hard? Had he finally overcome his sentiment from her childhood and decided to dispose of her before she could ruin everything? “You’ve grown into something better.”

The world as she knew it crashed around her feet, scattered in an ocean of tears as her father’s words urged her closer to his chest. She knew the moment couldn’t last, that this tender moment didn’t fit the King of Curses and he’d quickly usher her away when he felt too awkward about showing emotion.

“Don’t think this changes anything.” Sukuna’s muscles tensed before relaxing again. “But we’ll talk about it later. For now, you must rest. Baekho says your power has grown and it took a lot out of you.”

“But what about Satoru?” Besu frowned.

“Yeah, what about me?”

Gojo’s lanky figure reclined against Besu’s door frame and every worry she had disappeared in the glistening blue of his eyes.

“Satoru!” She bolted upright and forced herself to her feet.

Big mistake.

Sukuna caught her when she toppled forward and smirked as he ushered her back into her bed. Besu also didn’t miss that Gojo went from leaning in the doorway to the center of her room by the time she was in bed.

“No need to kill yourself on my part.” Gojo shook his head, keeping a wary eye on Sukuna as he did. Similarly, Besu watched her father eye Gojo speculatively.

“You can stop glaring at each other, you know.” Besu huffed, before the absence of another stole her breath.

Baekho! Where are you?! Are you–

I am here. The tiger chuffed in her mind, relaxing Besu with her familiar rumble. You are not ridding yourself of me that easily.

“I think I have a right to glare at the boy that put my daughter in a situation where she might have been killed.” Sukuna said.

“It wasn’t my fault! Besides, I thought the great and mighty King of Curses would have trained his daughter better.” Gojo snorted.

“Hold your tongue, brat! If it wasn’t for Besu, I’d have let you die! Hell, I’d have dealt the final blow and been done with you!”

Gojo opened his mouth to respond, before Besu sent him a glare that capsized his attitude, rendering him silent.

“I see your brush with death may have humbled your spirit, but you’re still ignorant in the way of self-preservation.” Baekho swirled from Besu and the bed, floating between the group as she stretched her back and claws.

“Yeah, well…” Gojo shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I figure you all can grant me some patience, seeing as I nearly died.”

“Not as much patience as I’m granting you to stand so far away from me.” Besu finally found her voice, reaching out her arms in an unspoken need.

Gojo smiled, softening instantly before he spared a glance at Sukuna and stepped over to wrap Besu in a hug.

“I’m glad you’re alive too, ya know?” Gojo whispered. “I was terrified I’d find you waiting for me in the afterlife.”

“Oh, please. You’d have been waiting for me, first.”

“No way! Or…well…maybe. But only because I was actually on the offensive! Plus, you had Baekho!��

“I’m just hearing excuses…” Besu laughed.

“Ha! Maybe I should have let you do all the work then!”

And as the two bickered, Sukuna watched, a now-familiar warmth in his chest. Because even though his daughter stood for everything he claimed to be weak, he could doubt it no longer.

His daughter’s strength rivaled even his own.

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mask131 · 5 months

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You know, if there is a Greek god that rubs you the wrong way, or if you like one element about a Greek goddess but don't like the rest, and still want to write about them in your work or include them in your game or make a fan-art or whatever...

... Instead of rewriting the Greek deity and playing at AUs as if it was your OC, maybe... just look at other non-Greek deities and pick someone else?

As a big fan of Greek mythology I always very glad that so many people are willing to use and explore the Greek gods... But if it is to just reinvent everything and create gods as fictional as the Valar or the Faith of the Seven, it is not worth it. Just invent your own gods for your fictional setting - OR PICK A GOD FROM ANOTHER PANTHEON.

Because here's the thing: people seem to use the Greek mythology as the "default" setting when dealing with mythologies. But you know there are many more mythologies and ancient dead religions and polytheistic set of legends than Greek or Roman mythologies, right? I mean, people usually are aware of Norse and Egyptian mythologies too - but there's even MORE than them. There are THOUSANDS of gods to choose from around the world, so when you take one Greek god but because their characterization displeases you, you change the character entirely, it doesn't feel like "reinventing", it feels like you're a lazy person who didn't bother looking at all the alternative deities that were offered to you.

You hate how the Greek opposed war and wisdom through Athena/Ares? Take Odin: he is both the war and the wisdom! You don't like the animals of Aphrodite and thinks she would look cooler with cats? Just take Freya! You want an hermaphroditic visual but don't like the Greek character of Hermaphrodite? Hapi the Nile god rocks the beard-boobs-beer belly look! You want Persephone to be a guy? Yarilo is awaiting. You like the idea of Aphrodite-Ares couple but you wish they'd be one person? Ishtar is right there!

Seriously, if you force yourself to make Greek deity stuff, then you're just limiting yourself to one branch of an entire world-tree. You don't need to reinvent Aphrodite as being faithful or Ares as being peaceful or Hephaistos as being loved by all or Hades not scaring anyone. That's just creating false images of these deities, and forcing yourself to come up with the reverse of what they are, in terms of culture, history, religion and archeology.

Just... open your horizons. Search into other religions. Read about different mythologies. Heck you even have some public-domain entire fictional pantheons if you want to really god wild, like Dunsany's Gods of Pegana! So don't tell yourself "But I HAVE to do this with X Greek deity", because you're just lying to yourself.

#gods #goddess #deities #greek mythology #mythology #greek gods #norse gods #egyptian gods #pantheons

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iamafanofcartoons · 1 year

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How come Rooster Teeth's other shows do not get as much hate as RWBY does?

There are SEVEN Reasons why RWBY gets all this hate.

Hbomberguy lying. Prior to Hbomberguy's hate video? RWBY videos were ranking in tens and hundreds of thousands of views. Videos were mostly accurate. Then Hbomberguy made a 3-hour hate video that could be debunked with 5-10 minutes of google search. Everyone began hating RWBY because the bald neck-bearded man who made hate videos encouraged people to hate the writers and the show by spreading misinformation. And the people who did do the google searches were drowned out by mob mentality of ignorance, the mob ignorance that is hbomberguy's audience. And so that misinformation spread like wildfire. And from his hate video, others were inspired. MangaKamen was the next, who kept screaming that he was a victim of the RWBY Fandom and encouraged people to pay him to make anti-rwby hate videos in which he made his BS. As a result, anti-rwby videos swarmed youtube, drowning out the positivity. And hatred grows on Youtube and Twitter. And you don't want to wade through several tons of hate videos just to reach a good RWBY Video or channel. So Hbomberguy created an atmosphere of hate that drowns out positivity.

2. Money Hatred is a popular business. Just ask the various hate groups funded by JK Rowling's video game Hogwarts Legacy. Ask the GOP who fleece their constituents for money. Ask the youtubers who make hate video after video, not only pulling in youtube ad revenue, but also promoting a patreon so that their followers can pay them to hate further. Judgmental Critter has been called out by many for using RWBY over all her "other content" in making money. type in RWBY without using a channel blocker extension on your phone or youtube browser. All you'll see is that hate. Celtic Phoenix demanded money to make a fixit fanfic in which he promotes the patriarchy and toxic masculinity. Hate, lies money....all created through hating on RWBY.

3. Misogyny You knew this would be brought up. I will die on the hill that the reason so many neckbeards hate RWBY is because: It took a very fanservice concept (girls fighting monsters) and gave them stories, personalities, development, and Bechdel-passing relationships, while it took two male power fantasies (gritty edgelord who uses prolific violence and morally grey actions to pursue a noble goal, and tactical mastermind who makes difficult sacrifices for The Mission) and made them failures. It gave women the roles typically held by men. It eliminated mansplaining and made MEN, instead of women, the target of "Reason why you suck" speeches. It made women equal to men in brains and brawn. It took toxic masculinity and shat on it. Many men and women who defend the patriarchy and spit at feminism were furious at RWBY being a genuinely feminist show. So much so, they spread lies and attacked the writers and VAs. Vexed Viewer harassed Barbara Dunkelman. TheFloofArtist harassed both Barbara Dunkelman AND Arryn Zech, by spamming gore and snuff fanart towards the VAs. Judgmental Critter harassed Arryn Troche. Fatman Falling stalked and harassed a girl who talked on Twitter about liking RWBY. Hbomberguy repeatedly harassed miles and kerry. EruptionFang publicly lied and said that Miles and Kerry were bullied by fans into providing "crotch snot". Four female protagonists. The men are just side characters to serve the women's roles. When people say that their "fanfiction is better than the show" You won't see female protagonists by themselves. No, you'll see them as arm candy to a white male savior protagonist who tells women that they suck and saves the day with the power of toxic masculinity while straightwashing every woman in sight. White Male OCs....doesn't quite work well in the later volumes, which is why many people hate the post-beacon era, because the non-school setting focuses on women and takes away chances for the white straight male self-insert.

4. Being an asshole/Victim Complex For RWBY Haters, the ability to lie, hate, harm, and all the while claim they are victims. It brings out the worst in people online. The horrible pleasure people take in destroying what a small company has worked so hard to make. The desire to rant and complain and insult a show and its fandom while calling yourself a fan as some sort of shield to defend oneself from being called a hater in the same breath as telling people to stop watching RWBY or saying"rwby bad". The insistence that you cannot enjoy a show unless you tear it apart and refuse to give a fair respectful positive take. Look on youtube comments and you will see RWBY Critics harassing RWBY Fans. Look on Twitter, and see men and women attacking the animators and writers. Now putting words in dead man's mouth is nothing new, just ask GOP. But the RWBY Haters deify Monty because Hbomberguy used said dead man, who Hbomb insulted while alive, in order to be awful. That's why rwby haters use the word "toxic positivity". They want to make it seem that their victims are the evil ones, to silence them from speaking up. Its why "Valid criticism" is BS. Its an excuse used to spread hatred and call that hatred "criticism". MangaKamen makes yearly videos insulting RWBY. ONE PERSON insulted him...ONE. He screamed bloody murder and accused the entire fandom. The word "toxic positivity" means that anyone defending RWBY is unable to take criticism, and that anyone speaking up is toxic. While "valid criticism" means that the worst lies against RWBY and the fandom can be seen as legitimate, which again allows people to be their worst selves. Men and women alike have the power to be this inhumane. Worst part is that you don't even have to be conservative to be this evil. Vexed Viewer harassed Barbara Dunkelman. TheFloofArtist harassed both Barbara Dunkelman AND Arryn Zech, by spamming gore and snuff fanart towards the VAs. Judgmental Critter harassed Arryn Troche. Fatman Falling stalked and harassed a girl who talked on Twitter about liking RWBY. Have you noticed how much RWDE and R/RWBYCritics love to be "holier than thou" with their attitudes and act as if they are "saving others from RWBY" and its fandom?

5. Homophobia. Bumbleby is basically Korrasami but better. It introduces the interest in each other sooner. It has the women talk to each other and support each other. Both the writers and animators and even Voice Actresses all support Bumbleby. Its completely opposite from ATLA where the VAs supported the toxic ship that is Zutara. But? Two women can spend entire seasons together, people will call them "just friends" but a man expresses interest in a woman and talks to her for several minutes? "Its true love". Even better, Coeur Al Aran, who admits to never watching RWBY and makes fixit fanfics that replace women with men as protags and straightwashes everything? He saw adam cut off yang's arm, and decided to make an adam fanfic where adam sleeps with yang and blake is abusive to adam. The hatred of adam and jaune fanfic writers towards bumbleby is so toxic, those who write jaunexteam rwby or adam fanfics have mostly been found to be homophobic/misogynistic. Despite all of Yang and Blake's interactions, people insist that Sun is "entiteld" to Blake, and that Yang and Blake's relationship came out of nowhere...or is "woke and pandering". Also, if you've seen that hentai artists on twitter LOVE to make fanart of a male self-insert with lesbians.... Its a sick fetish of theirs, and its not just RWBY that suffers this, but Honkai Star Rail suffered that from HimeHingHoi or some artist who drew a white male self-insert knocking up two lesbians.

6. Headcanons- "Your show isn't doing what I imagined it to be doing, and since its not doing what I think its supposed to be doing, that makes it bad" Adam introduced trying to kill civilians in the black trailer and in season 2 tells Cinder that he will persuade the White Fang to keep dying for her cause. People are angry that in V3 he is an irredeemable mass murdering psycho. Ironwood introduced as a man who merges huntsmen system into his own private army, gets ozpin fired by going behind oz's back, and weaponizes the human soul into an android that he uses the vytal festival to test. And despite having two seats of power, does nothing to help others. People furious that he became a paranoid dictator. Ruby and Yang: Introduced as sisters, confirmed as half-sisters by monty. We see that Taiyang is the father of both. QrowxSummer shippers: Livid that the writers repeatedly state that Qrow is not and never will be Ruby's father, and so they pretend to be illiterate and not able to tell the difference between step-sisters and half-sisters because they're so delusionally obsessed that the writers should lie to them for a garbage theory and ship. Just because somebody watches the show, doesn't mean that the writers should do what they demand of them. Blacksun shippers love to claim that the writers were bullied into Bumbleby, but said writers and VAs said Bumbleby was planned from the start. RWBY Critics were bloodthirsty when Barbara basically put blacksun and jaunexblake and jaunexyang headcanons 6 feet under into the grave. Just because the show doesn't do what you think it should? Does not mean its bad. So many haters are ridiculously self-entitled.

7. Corruption and Revision- "I fell in love with what RWBY Could Have Been" People didn't want a show about female lgbt protagonists. They wanted a show where they can fetishize women being damsels in distress needing a straight white male character to guide them. RWBY gives a giant middle finger to the straight white male protagonist and to the patriarchy and to straight-shipping. So when they say "the fanfiction is better" or they promote a rewrite, or they say "the porn is better"... it all comes down to their straight white male OCs... it comes down to their revenge fantasies against female characters (one loser made a wrestler OC comic where his Male OC beat up women)... It comes down to their fixit-fanfics that put men on a pedestal and put women under the bootheel of the men they glorify. Their idea of "wasted potential" or "ruined potential" involves tearing apart what makes RWBY great, and remaking it in their sick twisted image. Just look to the GOP for real life example, or Galactic Empire for fictional example.

And here you have your answer. The Seven Reasons RWBY Haters exist.

Edit: Just had a chat with a nice lady on Reddit, and she gave me another way of thinking about things.

"Media that's come out of patriarchal societies (so, the overwhelming majority of all media) tends centers the perspective of males by default. Ditto cisheteronormativy, ethonationalism, ableism, etc., resulting in predominantly cisgender heterosexual neurotypical protagonists belonging to the ethnic majority.

And if you grow up as a cis straight white boy in America, you don't even notice.

And if you grow up as anyone else, then your options are either to learn how to empathize with characters who don't look like you, or, to pass on this whole "Media" thing altogether.

So while I can sit through 5 seasons of Better Call Saul and still call it some of the best television I've ever seen, a man who's never learned how to empathize with characters from backgrounds different from his own can't even approach something like She-Ra.

It's incredibly noticeable when boys- for instance- refuse to play TLOU2 after the inciting incident, or people angry at those who think Persona games should bring back female player characters.

The way forward is more representation, all the time, forever. And you can tell a lot about a person by how much the preceding sentence contorted their face into a contempting scowl"

#rwby #rwby meta #rwby discussion #hbombergu #hbomberguy

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thechaoticdruid · 3 months

Text

In Another Life

|Ascended Astarion x Oc |Winnie|

Notes: So this is basically something I wrote when I had been stumped on other work. It's kinda like a pilot chapter for a fic I suppose. In an alternate reality where Winnie helps Astarion ascend only to regret it in the end. Also reading some of my other Winnie fics before this one is highly recommended.

Content/Warning: ANGST, toxic break up, Ascended Astarion, AA being manipulative, Winnie snaps.

“I have to do this Winnie. You want me to be safe don't you? Help me do this and I'll be free, truly and completely free.” Astarion stared at Winnie with pleading eyes. Winnie frowned, standing in place as her heart weighed with the decision she was being forced to make.

“But Astarion, if we do this it will kill all of these people!” Winnie hissed out.

“These people died years ago! Trust me. All that's left is feral spawn, desperate for blood.” Astarion insisted.

“They still deserve a chance.”

“More than I deserve freedom?” Astarion sneered, glaring at Winnie.

“Star, please don't make me do this.” Winnie begged, eyes threatening to tear up as she realized what was happening. She didn't want to lose Astarion. Gods, she already had lost so many people in her life.

“It's me or them.” Astarion’s red eyes bore into her soul as he gave her the ultimatum. Winnie bit down on her lip. She knew what was the right thing to do. She knew that sacrificing them was diabolical and unforgivably selfish, but in that moment it was as if her body acted on its own.

“Alright …I'll help you.” Winnie gave in.

“Thank you my love.” Astarion sighed in relief before turning around. Astarion had Winnie connect her tadpole to his so he could read the scars off his back and copy them onto Cazador’s.

Winnie cringed as she heard the blood curdling screams of Astarion's old master. Was this what it was like for Astarion the night his scars were carved? Winnie just kept her eyes on Astarion’s back, taking in the jagged lines of the infernal writing. Once Astarion finished Winnie tilted her head in shame. Most everything beyond went so fast it was like a blur. The dungeon was illuminated red, and the floor beneath them quaked as the ritual proceeded.

“Soldier, this isn't right! You have to talk some sense into him!” Karlach pleaded with her friend. Winnie didn't even meet her gaze. The poor druid just looked lifeless and full of shame. The room filled with thousands of blood curdling screams. Seven thousand vampire spawn were being turned to dust and their souls practically torn from their bodies. Now forever in service to the archdevil Mephistopheles.

Astarion's eyes were glowing red as a sinister smile spread across his face.

“I'm free. I'm finally free! Oh it feels delicious!” Astarion exclaimed. Winnie could feel her heart sink. This was a mistake.

~•~•~••~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

After the Rite of Profane Ascension had been completed and the party had delt with the gur tribe's retaliation Winnie and the others left Cazador's palace and returned to the Elfsong.

Winnie hadn't spoken to Astarion since the ritual. She was full of shame and guilt. What she had done was selfish and unforgivable and in the end it hadn't even been worth it. Astarion was not the same man she'd fallen in love with. It appeared any trace of the sweetness he once possessed had been completely snuffed out. So now she sat on her bed in the Elfsong, fiddling with her journal. She was sketching a picture of herself as a devil, an evil wretched creature. It was nothingless what she deserved.

“There you are my sweet pet. If I didn't know any better I'd think you were avoiding me.~” Astarion’s all too familiar sultry voice graced her ears. The human woman couldn't bare to look up at him.

“I just wanted….time to myself. I'm tired.” She spoke softly. It wasn't entirely a lie. The trauma from the events had left her rather drained. As she tried to keep her eyes on her journal, Astarion tilted her chin up with his fingers, making her look at him. Intense and cold as ice, his eyes no longer held the soft sweetness that she adored so much. It honestly felt as if she was looking at a stranger who wore her beloved’s face. If only it actually was just a demon in disguise.

“You have given me a wonderful gift. One I intend to reward you for. Name anything you desire and I shall provide it to you.”

“I don't want anything.” Winnie replied, pulling her head away from him.

“Love, you can't keep dwelling on those pathetic souls in the ritual. What's done is done and there's no going back. Besides you and I have a glorious future ahead us.” Astarion smiled before taking Winnie’s hands in his. “I want to give you the gift of immortality, so that we may walk these lands side by side forever, as husband and wife.” Astarion squeezed Winnie’s hands gently. His eyes bore into hers ever so eagerly awaiting a response. Winnie’s jaw dropped as she was at a loss for words. A vampire marriage proposal. Two incredibly horrifying decisions were now presented to her.

“Oak Father's balls…..You want to turn me!? After everything you suffered!? After everything Cazador put you through!” Winnie hissed, shock suddenly turning into anger as she pulled her hands away from him and stood up. One night not too long ago Astarion had told Winnie how incredibly painful turning into a vampire was for him. How he loathed the two centuries he spent as a puppet. And now he was practically asking her to endure the same.

“Oh that was completely different! I'd never hurt you! I love you.” Astarion had smug expression plaster over his face as he noticed Winnie’s eyes soften at his declaration of love. “Is this not what you want, my love? You told me you were mine once before. Now you can prove it.”

“I want to be your partner not your property!” Winnie huffed out. "I want to be yours by choice not by force!"

“You would be. I don't want to control you. I want you to rule beside me, as my bride, my queen, my dark consort...My most beloved spawn.” Astarion put his hand over his heart. Winnie held back the tears that were threatening to spill. He wanted to make her his spawn. Not a true vampire. Not an equal.

“You haven't once even considered making a true vampire have you? No you don't trust that I wouldn't turn on you.” Winnie murmured out.

“You're being entirely ridiculous, darling. If you can't see what I'm trying to do for you then perhaps you're not worthy enough to be my consort.”

“Good. I don't want to be your fucking consort. You've done nothing but act like a power crazed fool just like Cazador.”

“DON’T YOU DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME IN FRONT OF ME!” Astarion suddenly snapped at Winnie, causing her to flinch. He'd never screamed at her like that before. Astarion took a moment to regain his composure. “You ungrateful wretch. You're lucky I ever took someone as ugly as you to bed-” Winnie’s hand suddenly moved as if she was no longer in control as she delivered a sharp smack across his face. Both of them were rather shocked at the turn of events. Winnie quickly took her hand back, guilt washing over her. The slap didn't even leave a mark on him, his new found strength dulling out any kind of pain he'd previously been able to feel. But the fact that she had actually done this to him was not definitely not expected. Winnie had been so fiercely protective of her love.

“I….I shouldn't have done that…I'm sorry…” She spoke up, glancing down at her hand.

“One should never hit their partner…Even if they are being an insufferable cunt.” Her words were filled with venom, but the tears swelling in her eyes were clear as day. Astarion stumbled over his words, trying to regain his composure before he spoke again.

“How dare you-”

“How dare you! I've given you everything and still you want more!” Tears were streaming down her face as she glared at him. “You may have killed your master but you'll never be free. And I'll be damned if I let you trap me in this hell with you.” With that Winnie turned away and marched off.

She left the Elfsong that night, ignoring the curses and threats from her ex-lover. The druid had decided to remain at the Blushing Mermaid for the rest of their time fighting against the Absolute and the cult. Astarion stayed with the party despite his and Winnie’s split and the fact that now everyone was once again keeping an eye on him. Karlach even suggested they stake him and be done with it, but unfortunately for her all of the others came to the mutual agreement that Astarion's power would be needed in the fight against the Elder Brain.

Eventually the day they faced the Elder Brain came. They vanquished their foes and everyone lived happily ever after. Or…..Well not really. The Absolute was defeated and their tadpoles were removed but still Winnie didn't feel like a hero at all. She stood near the docks, a bit shaken from having to beg her best friend to return to Avernus instead of burn to death, out on that pier. Her pink eyes watched the waves roll by as footsteps came behind her.

“Shame you had to be so foolish. We could have had everything you know.” His voice came from behind her. His scent graced her senses as he came closer.

“Such a waste.”

That was the last she heard from him. Months later a reunion party had followed. Most of the party including Astarion himself had attended. But Winnie never made an appearance at all. In fact no one had seen her since the defeat of the Absolute. It was as if she had all but vanished.

Years went by and Astarion had remained in Baldur's Gate, expanding his influence throughout the city and even acquiring a new consort or two.

His spawn were forbidden to mention the Hero of Baldur's Gate by name, but all of them were well aware of his apparent 'hatred' for the druid. His consorts, Aeric and Belmine even attempted to vandalize the statue the Gate had built to honor their hero. They believed it would please their master if they had disfigured the statue's pretty face. To their surprise however Astarion was not the slightest bit happy about their efforts at all.

"You actually believed I'd praise you for this? For debasing a glorified rock? I should have you both flayed for wasting my time."

"We know how much you despise the druid, my lord. We were only wishing to please you!" Aeric, the handsome young wood elf man insisted.

"Master if you give us a chance we can do better. Allow us to seek out the hero and I will bring you her head." Belmine knelt down in front of the vampire lord, tail lowering behind her. Astarion looked down at the tiefling female with an intense glare.

"Winnie is mine. If anyone is going to end her life, it will be me."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Winnie! Winnie! Wake up!" The dark haired feline exclaimed as she leapt up on the druid's chest, causing Winnie to let out a grunt.

"Ugh Maddie....What the hells?" Winnie groaned in frustration. The black furred tressym hopped of her and onto the side of the bed.

"Come on we need to get the chores finished and start brewing. There are a few deliveries to make today!" Maddie exclaimed, her tail flicking behind her. Winnie rubbed her eyes, letting out a sigh as she rolled out of bed. Her hair was all frizzed up and a couple drops of drool ran down her chin.

"Up up! Let's not dally." Maddie exclaimed before using her wings to glide over to the nightstand and grab hold of Winnie's hairbrush in her jaws. Winnie walked over and took it from her before combing through her bird's nest of hair. Winnie then stripped down before getting out a green tunic and some boots. Her eyes glanced over at the mirror as she examined herself. She had slimmed down a bit since leaving the Gate and going off on her own.

Winnie had settled down in a small village southeast of the Wood of Sharp Teeth. After everything with the Netherbrain, she just wanted to find peace for a time. Her loyal familiar Maddie had insisted on moving in with her, being very worried about her companion's mental state.

"I say we cook some eggs up for breakfast after we finish chores hm?" Maddie suggested as they exited the house.

"That sounds fine, but some of the chickens are getting a bit of an attitude. Mildred bit me the other day." Winnie huffed as they approached the chicken coop.

"Not sure what it is, but something has had them spooked these last few weeks." Maddie replied before suddenly bumping into the back of Winnie's feet. "Is something wrong?" The Tressym gazed up at what appeared to have caught Winnie's attention. Up high in one of the trees were a group of bats, hanging from a branch. Beady red eyes were scanning over the farm.

"Strange. It's not normal for bats to be up during the day." Winnie stated.

"Hmm... Perhaps they were spooked like the chickens?" Maddie suggested, "either way we best get to work so we don't have to skip breakfast."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

I may or may not continue this at a later date.

~Druid

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lampert3008 · 6 months

Text

"Someone should really clean those floor buttons..."

[ OOC ]

hey freaks, welcome to the lampert regretevator blog. i'm finally getting around to making a funky scuffed little intro post to pin, so feel free to join me below the cut to read a whole bunch of nonsense

WHERE AM I? WHAT IS THIS?

okay first of all, calm down

This is an ask/RP blog based off of Lampert from the Roblox game Regretevator. Though, keep in mind it won't be 100% canon, and will both be sprinkled with my own headcanons and also occasionally out of character for Lampert because, shockingly, I am not Lampert Real Life™ and do not know how he would react to everything. I try my best though.

Lampert uses primarily he/him pronouns, but sometimes I sprinkle in some he/they in there. as a treat

I'll try my best to respond to asks with drawings, although I am very fragile old man and am decaying with each passing second so sometimes it is difficult for me to get myself to draw

(i am sixteen years old) (i also have a very shit memory and will forget that i have asks to answer whoopsies) (i may be 16 but i feel like my bones are going to fold in on themselves like a lawn chair and wither away at any given moment constantly)

i'll try to remember to tag asks as #lampertasks and non-asks as #lampposts (haha get it) or #ooc if i'm talking to YOU. (im get you.)

WHO ARE YOU?

heya, i'm ray, the owner of this blog, i do not have a main blog and you have no proof, nor will you find it. if i. um. if i had one, i mean. which i dont. don't go look for it. because you. wont. find anything. um. yeah

i am genderfluid and use all pronouns, i am the master of pronouns, the pronoun wizard one could say, simply refer to me. full stop

please do not sex me i am a minor (i yearn i yearn i yearn for the tunnels the coal the coal the mines i yearn i yearn for black lung i yearn please put me in the mines please give me a pickaxe i am mentally stable and can be trusted with big sharp objects)

do not sex lampert either. you cannot fuck the lamp i forbid it

if you try i will lock you in the Dungeon for seven thousand years

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

as i already mentioned, do not try and fuck lampert or you will face the consequences, lampert may be an adult but i am not

sex jokes are fine though. to a point. just dont be creepy. be funny or Die (/hj)

i have no opinions on shipping content, i will probably not take it seriously and will shitpost with most of it. i mean of course i have regretevator ships i enjoy, like come on im a tumblr user what do you expect from me, but i doubt i'll insert them into this blog unless it's for The Funny (or if it's my partner's Unpleasant blog. but that also classifies as being for The Funny)

i'm totally cool with roleplay asks from other RP blogs, canon or OCs, and will respond in-character. i mean like, this blog is connected with three other regretevator RP blogs so i don't see why not

aforementioned three other regretevator blogs:

@displeazinggradient

@sk8tr1101

@detectivebive

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME? ARE YOU GOING TO HURT ME?

yeah lmao

#regretevator #lampposts #regretevator lampert #regretevator rp blog #ask blog #pinned intro #you are not safe

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quennofsblog · 6 months

Text

Red Sea | Gojo Satoru

Prologue

x fem!OC You can read as a reader :) Doesn't fully follow the Canon plot!!!!

Synopsis: After so long apart, Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto come together to negotiate amid chaos, but remembering the past can be very painful.

Two men.

Gathered in a colorful abyss waiting for salvation and to be the saviors of humanity.

Both want the same things, but in different ways, one will sacrifice himself if possible for his goals, the other will sacrifice everything necessary to achieve his goals.

Face to face, beautiful and tragic memories came back to the surface, just looking at their eyes again was as if pieces of broken glass passed through their eyes, marks that were on their bodies did not erase what they both felt, nor what they felt.

Now, as an irony of fate, the most powerful men in humanity, gathered again in negotiations, ready to give and end everything that each other meant.

"Suguru."

"Satoru. It's been a while, hasn't it?" The black-haired man just smiled calmingly, even after everything, he was happy to meet his friend once again.

"That's right... I didn't think this meeting would happen... Under these circumstances." The platinum just sighed in defeat, his heavenly blue eyes swept over the scene, as ironically, it was very... Relaxing.

Satoru could breathe deeply there, as if no worry could catch him in that place, a sunset warmed them in a calming way, at the same time as a nostalgic breeze enveloped them.

"Surprised, aren't you? This place always helps me think. Oh, how's Floki? I've never seen that gluttonous ball of beauty again."

Floki... A name that squeezed Satoru's heart, an old friend who gave him so many positive emotions but who now belongs to the thousands of pieces of glass scattered around.

"Floki is no more." Steady, impatient eyes contrasted with Suguru's sharp eyes that fell a little at the statement. "What do you want anyway, Suguru?"

"I want Sukuna's seven fingers."

"Why do you need them?" Suguru's loud laugh would normally make him shiver, but after so many years apart and seeing the direction of their lives, nothing shook him anymore.

"Don't act stupid, Satoru, it doesn't suit your age anymore, it's not even necessary to be a genius for what I want with the fingers."

"If I give it to you, what will you give me in return?" Satoru just sighed, but curiously, he couldn't think of anything worthy of the exchange of fingers from the near destruction of the world.

"A soul."

"Soul?"

"You're still slow huh? Just the soul of Phoenix Leblanc."

Satoru's blue eyes just widened, shock coursing through his body, as if just that name invoked climate change in him and him alone, a vague feeling of nostalgia returned at the idea, but he quickly dismissed it, he knows it's impossible to bring someone back to life, he knows, because he's already tried. The results he obtained torment him to this day, haunted by the idiocy he committed that day.

He just looked at Suguru in disbelief, he knew that at this point, there would be no saving the man from the firm, psychotic eyes in front of him.

Geto, by using the name of the most important person to Gojo, who knew well what Phoenix Leblanc meant to the platinum artist, showed himself to be cruel, very cruel.

He couldn't simply believe in these absurdities, even though the depths of his consciousness tried to convince him to accept, he knew that when he accepted, he didn't know how this "soul" worked, but he knew that "soul" would never be his Phoenix.

He would be subject to going through the loss a second time, and he refuses if that's the case, Gojo knew he would never recover again, he could finally understand Geto Suguru if that happened, and maybe that's what Geto wants, a way for both of them to come together and destroy this rotten world.

He just looked back at the warm sun, sighing.

Not this time Suguru.

Forgive me.

Forgive me Phoenix.

"Straight forward as always. You have indeed gone crazy."

"Maybe I be."

"I don't know how you intended to resurrect someone, but-

"It's not resurrecting, her soul is alive, even if it's not in front of us, she's alive in our memories, and in the memories of everyone who knows her, and in her following stories ahead, like a haunting that doesn't go away, no Do you want to get rid of this curse?"

Could he subject himself to that?

Was Phoenix's soul still alive?

...

No.

No more.

Satoru will not be like his best friend, a desperate guy looking for meaning after losing his own.

He already has meanings, she is waiting for him at home, watching television, perhaps playing with dolls and searching his room for sweets.

He wasn't strong enough to protect her, but he will be strong enough to protect his ideas and pass them on.

"I'm fine like this, and I'm not going to accept your proposal, it wouldn't benefit me in...anything."

"..."

"I see, so know that we will be at complete odds from now on."

"Alright, we'll be ready."

With this, the comforting domain disperses with the wind, giving vision to a worn and old office, once a colorful place full of life, but now, it has just become just another one.

He knew that now there was going to be a war, he was arrogant enough to accept it, and arrogant enough to know that he will win.

It does not matter anymore.

He sat in the wheelchair watching Suguru leave the room, realizing that their ideals had separated them once again, like a barrier that had separated them since that day, that time he couldn't do anything for his best friend, joining his list of life regrets that he doesn't have the courage to shake off.

"Not even the strongest can protect everyone..."

Sighing, before looking at the picture frame with four figures, a woman with a clumsy flower crown in her flaming red hair, a cute and frowning kitten perched on her head, himself hugging his shoulder with one arm while in the other he held his entire life, slightly pink hair like theirs smiling beautifully at the camera, and a crown of flowers on his head, along with the smiles that everyone had.

Satoru smiled fondly as he looked at his family, running his finger gently over the photo.

"It's time."

Thank you for watching this, if you could contribute with reblogs and comments I would greatly appreciate it.❤️

English is not my first language, so there is a high chance of errors.

My previous posts:

Everything you let go | Itoshi Sae from Blue Lock

Rosy cheeks | Suguru Geto from Jujutsu Kaisen

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plasticfangtastic · 1 year

Text

American Royalty. Ch. 4

A Homelander X F! Reader and Dadlander fanfic.

A/N: if ya like to be taglisted plz leave a comment to be notified on the next release. got the writers block and too many wips so here is an early chapter. hope y'all like it. plz check my pin post for prev. chapters.

Tags: mild gore, angst, lots of angst, slow burn, fluff, oc characther, child neglect, dadlander, romance.

Chapter Four

Seeing Stars

You had him agree to you working three days as his personal chef, and he couldn’t have you Sundays no matter how much he asked.

Within the week you had gotten a letter from your bank telling you that the pending investigation on your account had been closed and now you could access it, it had even accrue significant interest after being untouched for seven years it was better than an early christmas miracle as you sobbed in your bedroom with the letter in hand, you cried in the kitchen after calling a realtor to see an apartment, by the time you seen a couple of apartments you had come home to find an enveloped taped to your door. Inside paperwork and some keys– seeing red for a moment, but as Helena tugged at your shirt, your anger tucked itself away, you held her crying into her shoulder as you finished reading the letter.

Before the month ended, you had moved into a large, renovated and well located 2 bedroom, 1 office, 2 bathrooms apartment in the ground floor of a duplex, it had to be at least eighteen to twenty thousand dollars in rent but he had simply purchase it– writing in his letter that he wouldn’t allow you to continue raising his daughter in the projects or some refurbished new york closet, he had even collected information on local schools in your new neighborhood for you consider, informing you that he would take care of tuition cost.

As you settled in a space so big you had nothing to fill it with, as you watched your daughter actually behave like a seven year old for once, you laid on the floor by the open concept kitchen, feeling the rich wood underneath your skin, staring at the black granite benches and hardwood cabinetry– the floor was even heated! You heard a landing in one of the two thin yards, you knew your daughter was exploring the bathroom, so it felt safe to do this now.

“I’ll have my interior designer come by this week to help you select furniture and stuff.” He said upon entering, distubed by how barren it was, all your belonings in a a dozen boxes total, tucked in a corner of the living room.

“You are a bastard making me indebted to you.” You grumbled.

“I can’t have her live in a broom closet infested with rats. Kids need yards and space.” He looked at the cherry wood panels lining the outdoors, the vines and trees growing in a decent sized yard, extra big by New York standards– you could get her a puppy, a kitten or…?”

“She likes fish.”

“I could have a pond installed.” he said with a smirk crainign his back as he tried to look less imposing as you refused to lift your head from the heated hardwoods– you should be okay with utility bills, I left them on credit for your convenience. Have you had a chance to look at schools?”

“What are you actually planning, John.” You sat back up, switching names had taken him off-guard wondering what angle you were going at him from– haven’t even started work with you and now you are showering me with presents? This is beyond just wanting to see your kid is not like you actually seen her.”

“You said to take things slow.” He didn’t try hiding that devious grin– Ryan… needs a story.”

“Jesus Christ you are sick.” you now had to stand up for real– you want me to play mom to your kid? I don’t even look like him.”

“Genetics are weird. Helena looks like you and Ryan looks like me, like those dogs from ‘Beauty and the Tramp’."He touched your cheek with a bare hand– Can’t wait to see you next Thursday, mom.”

“Oh god…” You chuckle, losing your mind as his hand hurts without a scratch– How are you going to tell this to Helena?”

“Is in early development but the team will take care of it. I need Ryan to attend the same school as Helena so please hurry up.”

He left not before telling you to take Helena to MOMA this saturday at 2 pm, it wasn’t a suggestion or invitation, it was an order

You did as you were told that evening, one of the best schools in the city was under a half hour walk from this cell, knowing Helena had to be enrolled soon didn’t help, and your commute to Lucci had increased but now you could pay for gas and not cry. Sending him a texts about schools to the number he had given you in his many many notes seemed anticlimactic but that was it.

Helana had grown suspicious, but she played dumb and you knew it too, so you both played stupid when you headed to MOMA that weekend.

You just casually came the same day and the same time as Homelander and Ryan were about to have the whole museum closed off as they received a private tour, but he asked you to join them not giving any real explanation for why but nobody questioned, neither kid spoke to each other much if any, Helena simply enjoying the silence, she looked at you as she asked about the pieces but it was Homelander who had the most to say about the works, leaving you left out but happy, you knew that face of his so well, to see it on your daughter’s face made your day.

He had taken the opportunity to discuss your employment not your relationship, giving you list of things Ryan should eat, would not eat, wanted to try and things he wanted to try himself, then your hours and some odd request about handling Ryan’s school lunches being instagram worthy, handing you socials to research for such task.

You started work that following week, the Vought kitchens were top of the line, your job was to meet all of his requirements, some of the chefs that recognized you looked at you with relief and curiosity, wanting to know what had happened to you but you were unwilling to share. That first breakfast was returned with clean plates, even the waiter was shocked when he saw empty plates come out of his penthouse.

It had been so long since you could play with such new equipment, this was it, this was the place you belong in, him or not involved this was your happy place now.

Two weeks had passed.

As you headed for the staff elevator you met Homelander, who had honestly just been waiting for you.

“I got the paperwork sorted… you just have to sign and fill stuff. Nice school! Great stem program not that Helena will find it hard.” he said politely, his posture extra stiff.

“Did you do a background check on her?” you looked around for witnesses.

“Hard not to. Our kid is the captain of the math club… her school team has won most of the math competitions in the last four years. Not to mention the piano recitals, and science competitions” He looked so proud– her grades are perfect. She might be the smartest little girl in the city.”

“She’s the smartest little girl in the world.”

“And her new school would let the whole world know just that.” He said matching your smug.

You watched him carefully waiting for him to spit out what he wanted to say, either about her schooling or something else.

Helena was allowed to continue attending her old school until you were ready for transfer, he had only briefly talked to you for school discussions, and with great disinterest on what made each school good or not, if anything you found yourself doing this for his son as well, thinking of what this school would do for his well being, and if it was the best choice for a homeschooled kid, and how would this new school commute affect Helena’s after school routine.

On the days you didn’t work in Vought’s towers she was still babysat or stayed at Lucci’s, she was too young to be left at home, even if you knew she was perfectly safe, but no matter what she was still little.

During the days you worked in the tower she was kept in the company daycare in the 20th floor, most of the kids there were normal but there was at least one other super-abled child her age, it made you happy to see her interact with a similar kid even if said kid abilities involved phasing thru objects all willy-nilly and make objects phase thru other objects, making you worry of what would happen if he lost focus and Helena got caught inside a wall.

“By the way our kid escaped the daycare.” He held the elevator open for you as he entered, before you could panic he shot you a charming smile– is okay she’s at the gym…”

Your eyes had welled up regardless, you jumped into the metal box pressing the bottom frantically.

“She’s perfectly safe… A-Train is there and so it's that… Noir… her and the only little Supe kid decided to do some mischief, but I kept my ears on her all day.”

Forcing yourself to take deep breaths as the elevator smoothly traveled to the lower floors.

“Is it not her that I am worried for.” you said firmly.

You followed him as he guided you through an unfamiliar floor, inside the large colosseum gym that had been fitted to test somebody’s athletic skills you found your daughter floating in her wavy bubble, but all you saw was your kid swaying in the air.

“Helena get down here immediately!!!” You ran after her reaching for the kid as her bored expression was replaced with embarrassment as she descended into your arms– you cannot run away from daycare!”

“I don’t want to be surrounded by babies.”

“Helena you are a baby!” you squeezed her against yourself, just glad she was still in one piece, you noticed the other small kid in the room– jesus…”

Carrying your kid you reached for the other one, taking his hand.

“Hey sweetie… let me take you back to daycare before your mommy or daddy gets worried.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked meekly.

“No, but Helena is so grounded.”

“Mom!”

“Don’t mom me! You have any idea how dangerous that was!”

“Oh don’t get mad at the kid, she was just acting like a kid. Don’t be such a buzzkill” he mocked you.

“I don’t want or need your opinion– now you got two seconds to explain yourself!”

You began to gently drag yourself and your kid’s victim out of the gym, A-Train absolutely shocked to see anybody talk to Homelander like that.

“Look I had A-Train and Noir come check them out, they were safe!” He chased after you.

“Oh that was your doing.” Helena said– "I really wanted to meet A-Train” she waved innocently at the Supe, who returned the gesture as a true professional– and... Mom… I wanted to see the building, that’s all… sorry I used Elmo to escape… but his powers were just too useful”

“You cannot use people like that.” you said in shock.

“People like being used.” Her words were just cold as she wriggled herself out of your arms, falling without touching the ground, she took Elmo’s hand taking the small kid towards the exit– some people are born serfs.” She mumbled to herself.

Homelander's heart beat violently– oh his daughter was a brat and had a questionable attitude, he hadn’t even interacted much with her, but he was proud. His whole body went light and his smile couldn’t be contained as he saw the small girl with true love in his eyes, this was the moment he saw her as truly his own.

Ryan was still reluctant to accept his father’s philosophy, but this little one understood that she was born better from the start on her own.

She turned around to face you again, little Elmo sucked on his thumb as her eyes glowed pale blue.

“Is it alright if I come to the training gym if I ask permission first?”

“I…”

“Of course all Supe’s should know to keep their powers top notch. You are more than welcome to use the facilities.” Homelander had cut you off, petting the little girl’s head as he approached the duo– Just ask your mother so she doesn’t have a heart attack. Then again this is one of the safest places in all of New York and little Helena over here is perfectly safe, after all I am here.” He said while staring at you.

His voice was sweet, you were defeated as Helena tried to contain that cheshire grin of hers while staring at you– he was your boss , and the Homelander so could you really go against him so publicly?

“You had a terrorist attack in this building… but I guess…” She ignored him again then looked straight at you– I learned something new today.”

A-Train and Noir exchanged concerned looks taking a few step backs, Homelander seemed intrigued to watch your reaction, you gave way, unable to speak, just frustrated as your ex looked just as smug as his kid.

Little Elmo scoot behind her– in the round gymnasium a cement boulder hanged in chains, her eyes glowed the brightest you’ve ever seen, lifting her hand with one quick swipe the boulder broke in half, the dust showing the invisible blade bending light, it gain a blue color as it was touched before fading, she looked so proud of herself, you stared at Homelander and now you understood why nobody had informed you that your daughter was missing. It didn’t sit well with you.

“you’re still grounded for a whole week.”

“But Mom!!”

You had walked into a trap, one you did so willingly, jailed in a nice house, any hope of Homelander being driven away or losing interest in her was gone as he looked at her with pure adoration in his eyes.

You got used to it… this prison was lovely, it was nice to come back to a spacious cell. Homelander had indeed brought his decorator to your house but you didn’t want designer furniture and high end stuff, you kept it simple and cheap, most of your stuff second hand and from Ikea, only relenting to agree with the poor designer over the kitchen, his budget was absurd for the task, only taking advantage to purchase all the appliances of your dreams, you indeed needed a air fryer that matched your splashback.

Helena was happy to have a room that felt like a bedroom, large bookcases that could be filled with her own books, a small courtyard facing her doors, where she now could sit down and read with the breeze in her hair. She seemed happy, euphoric when she began her new school, making you forget what was happening in the background at times.

Homelander would come from time to time to speak to you about mundane stuff and work, his patience saintly as he allowed you to get used to his company once more, just so you could be okay with him entering her life, but then again he was your jailer.

He himself had begun forcing himself into her life when you weren’t around, it was all a matter of timing and perception.

Homelander watched the daycare center, from afar, a much needed service, it occupied a whole floor, the tower employed thousands of people in its 99th floor so there had to be help for those mothers and fathers who needed to work but had children with no babysitters, it was one of the many appealing things about being employed by Vought, and the center offered a variety of activities for all age groups.

Helena saw it as a jungle, all these children just a bunch of savages, keeping Elmo around not because she liked his company but because he was the only other Supe child in her age group, he was a sweet kid, afraid of bugs and that liked to talk about cartoons, frankly it was a challenge to figure out what to do with him. Homelander watched as she taught the kid to play chess, taking hours to explain the basics as the seven year old had very little clue what was happening, but in its own way it was nice to talk to another kid like himself.

Homelander even bothered to do a background check on the child– both of his dad’s both worked at Vought one in hero management and the other in marketing, both very busy bees it seems… he had done the same with all of Ryan’s new classmates, he knew their entire families before his kid even stepped foot and said hello to any of them, all done before he started school the same week as Helena– there was the big issue of her being on the 10th grade while her older brother just began the 6th grade, so he couldn’t enjoy seeing the both of them interacting, it was hard to witness for he wanted both kids to become closer so desperately.

Hence why he was standing on the foyer of the daycare center, a young lady that looked too cheerful for her own good, welcomed Homelander.

“Hi! How can I help you today, Homelander? Are you looking to enroll little Ryan?” She swayed side to side trying to see if the kid was behind him by any chance.

“Actually… am here to speak to one of the kids… hmm… Helena L/N.” He said with a firm tone– I believe her mother left a message.”

Homelander texted you an hour before cominf down, not even asking you that he was going to take her for training, you were stuck in the kitchen helping with some work function taking place tonite, a thousand canapes had to be made and you were stuck with the pistachio and lemon layer cakes.

You had no time to argue, taking your precious break time to make phone calls and try not to use your knife on the nearest asshole who pissed you off afterwards.

She hopped on the desk seeking for any notes, and he was indeed correct.

Now he had her all for himself, you prayed he wasn’t going to drop the news on her, but you couldn’t leave and abandoned your team, she was safe, you had to believe she was safe, she was smart, she was so smart and she could escape him, you just had to trust her.

“Can I bring Elmo?” Helena looked up at Homelander, a slight ache building on her neck as she looked up at the man– he might get lonely.”

“He’s not a dog.” He didn’t even try putting on a soft babied voice with her– and I wanted to talk to you.”

“But he’s always ‘The Dog’ when we play house.” She faked the most innocent voice she could muster, turning around to look at the glass doors dividing the friends– … He will probably sneak out to the gym if he gets lonely, they got his favorite snacks today… he told me liked five times and I think they’re playing Bluey on the tv.”

“Oh! and you play mommy?” He grimaces so hard his eyebrows touch.

“No, the robber.”

He led the way and she was more than happy to explore the building as they headed downstairs.

“What do you think of them?”

“Elaborate.”

“Those without powers.” she wished she could see his expression– and be honest. None of this ‘Wednesday Addams’ crap.”

He looked around at the sea of smart casual fits and stress on the floors above, the world moving so fast paced, nothing but monkeys hurling shiny rocks while playing dress-up.

“They can be useful, if they are not… then they don’t matter to me.”

He smiled, his heart fluttering and his stomach filled with butterflies as he heard her speak– why did Ryan struggle so much to understand this? He thought.

“When you are born with such gifts–

“I might be a kid but I am very familiar with your Compound V, I already had this talk with my mother. Fascinating stuff… I am still trying to understand the whole dosage thing… How does your company decide which kid to give more versus others? Did they just look at who could provide the best backstory before deciding between 10 mils versus the whole vial.”

She stared at the glass walls where the kids were housed, the tone of her voice still flat.

“Why you say that?”

“I’m a poor kid from the projects, with a single mom, formerly homeless and now with enough powers to make Athena envious. Not to mention how 92% of supes are white but the percentage below middle class to poor is almost the same as with the 6% blacks, while the percentage of upper class white supes is closer to the same percentage of 2% asians and latino supes… if anything a good chunk of latino and asian supes are upper class… something-something model minority yadah-yadah.” she pressed the elevator door– I’d make a good story. Shame that I can’t be a Supe.”

Homelander stared at her, placing his hand on the back of her head.

“You can be anything you want, Helena. You have been blessed beyond belief with powers… if you want to be Supe then you are ready for major leagues.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Only the 1% of superheroes ever make it to the major leagues, most supes never achieve anything beside D-list status and everybody is fighting for the crumbs left behind by your posse of clowns– is not a fiscally responsible decision. A career that can only exist on extreme gambling is not one that can make money. Not to mention am not cute or tall." She took the first step into the elevator– I never want my mother to worry about money. I want to buy her a mansion on top of a cliff staring at the ocean, have a dozen maids care for the house and she can just spend the rest of her life in luxury”

She turns to see him crossing her arms with a serious look on her tiny face.

“My goal is to take your job.”

“The Seven?” He grinned.

“Vought.”

“I can wait to see you try.” he grinned.

“It won’t be that hard… At least when I am in charge security will be tighter.”

Bottles of V dropped from above Homelander’s head, he caught most of them but a few were lost, those were hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of drops staining his pants and shoes, Helena caught one bottle, sliding it between nimble fingers back and forth.

“Don’t look so surprised, it seems this is a common occurence… Here's an unwanted tip: use biometrics and only allow lab techs to enter the 67th floor, not just rely on good will, clown.” sections of her body and clothes flicked back and forth between visible and invisible, taunting him about how easy it had been to steal them using her superpowers.

As his eyes took an extra tinge of red, he saw a brief flash of pale blue encasing her, he followed her to the entrance of the Gym, where she expected to be left alone with Homelander not to find another kid.

“The prodigal son.” she mumbles.

Ryan sat on top of some raised stepping stones in the recently established obstacle course, Helena imagined she needed to know parkour in lieu of flying abilities, which seemed redundant for the kid who could fly.

“Thought you two could practice together.” He shouted while placing the V on the nearest bench.

“Guess there are ways to successfully murder a child and get away with it.” She raised an eyebrow– and here I thought you wouldn’t be irked by the words of a little girl… like I said you’re a maladjusted person.”

“I don’t hurt children. I have no idea…” he said calmly while a little bit angry, as he returned to her side.

“I dunno– it would look really bad if the press found out that you’re a deadbeat.”

His expression dropped as the little girl's eyes glowed.

“Smartest little girl in the world… or...?” She said dryly, as she headed towards Ryan to save him the walk– my bubble refracts light, easy to spot if you notice images are wavering without the heat.”

The little boy ran cheerfully after his father, who for the first time ignored him, his eyes transfixed on the little girl, who had been playing stupid all along.

taglist-- @fromforeigntofamiliarity , @demodemo909 and @immyowndefender

here's the house:

#homelander #homelander x reader #homelander x you #homelander x f!reader #the boys oc #homelander fanfiction #personal #my fic tag #my writers block is criminal but thx god i had this chapter and 2 more ready #new york city rentals are fucking insane y'all paying too much-- had to look at them for reference for this fic so am more than glad to pos #a link to the 18K a month house that homelander bought for you dear reader #btw am living in australia so i might not know how yall pay utilities over there #took inspo from the diabolical first ep where they ahd an adoption centre as one of the floors of the tower to make the daycare #american royalty

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evita-shelby · 3 months

Text

OC interview

Thanks @dogmetaph0r for the tag!!!

Going with all the peaky Evas for some of it djjdjd

Are you named after anyone?

After the first woman and my half-mexica grandmother, Leonor Moctezuma

When was the last time you cried?

Shelby!Eva: on my daughter's wedding day because I foresaw her husband dying in 1961 of a heart attack at age 45

Changretta!Eva: when I decided that what needed to be done was to kill myself and Luca for what we became.

Nelson!Eva: when I miscarried my twin daughters in 1925

Do you have any kids?

Shelby!Eva: four, two sons, Charles and Gabriel, and two daughters, Diane and Florence.

Changretta!Eva: two, one son and a daughter, Leonardo and Rosalba

Nelson! Eva: seven, four daughters and three sons. Joseph, John 'Jack' Junior, Rosemary, Katherine, Henry, Eunice and Edmund. The first two and last two are twins

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Not often only when i am annoyed with who I'm speaking to.

What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their eyes, they are the window of the soul.

What is your eye color?

Brown

Any special talents?

Many to count, my favorite is herbology. I can make medicine, poisons and perfume with the right ingredients.

Scary movies or happy endings?

After living the horrors all my life and being cursed with magic, scary movies don't scare me anymore. I like happy endings mainly because we so often don't get them in life and one of my husbands(Tommy) has melancholia(depression)

Where were you born?

The Vatican, my mother wanted to win 10 thousand pesos(about 370,000 american dollars in modern days)from her sister by forcing the current and next pope to baptize me so I can claim sainthood when I die. Her waters broke under God's Creation of Eve, and i was born in an ambulance outside the Sistine Chapel.

Do you have any pets?

Shelby!Eva: a chihuahua named Xoco, a mastiff named Duchess, two cats, Amanda and Jessie

Changretta!Eva: a cat named Bast and a beagle named Gaius

Nelson!Eva: an Irish Setter mixed with Golden Retriever named Nodens but christened by the children as Noodle

How tall are you?

5'6, nearly 5'7"

What was your favorite subject in school?

Philosophy, literature

What is your dream job?

First Lady, or Queen Consort.

Tagging: @justrainandcoffee @peakyblindas @moral-terpitude @emotionalcadaver @peakyswritings @call-sign-shark @zablife @novashelby @darklydeliciousdesires @thegreatdragonfruta

#evacore

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yoon-topias · 2 months

Text

Yoontopia | Chapter 7 { Meteor crashing }

⟡ Warnings: Strong language, depression, mental health issues, references to self harm, references to violence, references to sexual assault, manic episodes, smoking, risky behavior, jealousy, angst and Smut.

⟡ 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters have mature content)

⟡ Best friend's older brother x OC

⟡ Summary: Yoongi gets home and realization of the weight of what’s happening between him and Vi, hits him. He needs Jin to help him gain his stability before going back to her.

⟡ 8.2k words

Yoongi Pov:

leaving her place it all feels rushed. I'm rushing down the stairs, not evening taking the elevator. I don't have time to waste when I only have thirty six hours left with her. Me and stairs are mortal enemies. The guy who doesn't even like to wake up is taking the stairs by choice? never thought I'd do it. Hell I even put on my helmet before getting down the stairs. I know what's ahead of me, but it's not gonna stop me from spending as much time with her as I can. As mine.

Getting to the end of the stairs I push open the metal door to the outside instead of the hallway, sorry Joon I'll catch you up later. I know her place will turn into my very own solace when she is away.

I round the corner of the building and see my bike out front. Two more times max I'll leave this place knowing I'll see her again, soon at least. I can never stay away for long. It's a weakness of mine, the only time I have been away for a while was not by choice but by my medical team. As I walk up to my bike I buckle my helmet. I should just carry my meds with me everywhere I go, but leaving even if it's for a short period of time will let me take in everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours. I can talk to Jin and get my head on straight, prepare for the next-

Pulling my phone out and looking at the time. Thirty six hours and fifty-five minutes. I let out a shaky deep breath, unlocking my phone, going to the clock app and making my count down for the time I have left with her. I know it'll hurt me to look at my phone every time to see it counting down the hours to the seconds left but I don't plan on spending time on my phone. Only with Vi.

Swinging my leg over on my bike, turning the key to position myself, kicking the stand and placing my phone in the stand. I send her a text even though she just said bye to me.

Me: Leaving. Don't miss me too much princess.

Vi: I can still hear your bike mister. You're not gone yet. Thirty six hours and fifty seven minutes left.

As I read her text I hear a knocking sound looking up. I see her in her window with the curtain drawn only in her sports bra and shorts looking down at me with the window cracked pointing at her phone. "Hurry up, your princess is waiting!" I smirk and rev my bike, holding my hand out to signal I'm getting into the lane and drive off knowing what I'm leaving behind is my utopia that just hung up pictures on the walls and those fucking glow in dark stars.

Driving down the road feels different this morning after what has happened I don't know what I'll do without her. Will I spiral? Will I go into an episode? Whatever may happen I can handle it and I can’t tell her I'm fucking terrified the near future.

Needing to get out of my head I tighten the drip on my bike squeezing out any uncertainty from my body, maybe. Just maybe it'll work and release It all out of me. I want to honestly punch something so hard that maybe I can get Joon to go to the gym with me and hit the bag a couple times. No a couple thousand times until I see the amount of times I hit in on my knuckles.

It helps a little, I lean down and turn my hand on the throttle. I need to feel something other than uncertainty. Why is it every time I leave her I get more anxious but this feels different like my chest is caving in and crushing every vessel in my heart.

Focusing on the road ahead of me, gripping the throttle accelerating to a speed that is more than illegal. Fuck it you only live once. I'm on my seventh life, second chances? I have had six and I'm currently running on borrowed time with the devil.

I take my left hand off my handle and hold out my middle, pointer and thumb in an L shape quickly to indicate the way I'm turning. I may be on borrowed time, but this time I want to see how far I can make it.

When I take the turn to get on my road not living far from her has perks but also can be troublesome. When I would take my late night rides and see her walking up the stairs hand in hand with that guy Taehyung. I got nothing against the guy. I'm happy he was there for her when I couldn't be. Let's just say I started taking a right instead of left during that time after the third occurrence.

We may live only a few roads away from each other, but our apartment is definitely an old shoe box. An old building with red bricks faded to a light hue of red mixed with gray. I see why it doesn't impress anyone, but it's home to Jin and I. Could we afford more? Yes, why don't we move then? Because I can't find anything close to Vi the location is prime. We're literally on the waiting list for all the apartments buildings nearby, even her building.

I make one last turn into the alley by our apartment where I park my bike and can never find a spot on the road, luckily both the shops that share this alley don't mind me parking it here even encouraged it said maybe it would keep people from coming back there. Could I park my bike at the shop? yes but then I would have to either walk or ride the bus and once the last bus for the night stops running it would be a long walk. I need it at arms reach distance. It's part of me.

I slow down once I get to the end of the alley where I meet a brick wall where another building blocks the exit, kicking my stand once my feet touch the ground. Taking a deep breath, flipping the off switch on my bike and taking the keys out. I look down at my phone in the holder and tap on the screen. Thirty five hours and forty eight minutes. It’s time to tell Jin everything god I know he is gonna scream like a little girl, but at least seeing him happy for how far we have come will be true happiness but also I'm not sure I'm ready to tell him her plans, our plans.

A damn cig would be so fucking good the way the smoke would fill my lungs and rid me from this feeling, I can picture it now the moment I inhale my eyes slowly shut, the warmth of the smoke down my throat, the sound of the cherry growing closer to the nib at the end. No Yoongi think of pineapple.

Sweet. Sweet. Pineapple.

The way the surgery lollipop hits my tongue, my tongue piercing hitting the round lollipop. It's sweet with a hint of tanginess. Why do I always focus on the sweetness? Well its cause' Vi is sweet and I can only see her being sweet even though I have seen all sides of her. It would cause my saliva to grow in my mouth and I need to swallow and as I do it hits my throat the sweetness traveling down becoming one with my body like she already has invaded my mind. My utopia. She only has my physical body left to take which I'd give up in a heartbeat if she accepts all my flaws. The ones I have done to my own body.

I shake my head, needing to get out of this headspace, swing my leg over and get off my bike, taking my helmet off. I shove my keys in my pocket, the damn key that is burning a hole in my pocket, her key with the damn purple heart on it as her spare that is now mine. Grabbing my phone off the holder and putting it in my pocket. I tap the seat where she sits. She is the only backpack I need, my forever backpack.

My helmet suddenly feels like the weight of the world my arm drops and I've gotten used to the weight of the world on me, turning to walk to the end of the alley to take a left and two doors down is the entrance to our building. There is no fancy door code or any security, but it's home. As I round the corner I see one of the one night stands I have had. Maybe call it a repeat customer for both of us cause' she is also trying to escape her relationship issues with some kid named 'Chim'. We never go too deep into it but we tell each other bits and pieces. I know that isn't his real name but I don't need to know it. We confided in each when both are at our lows. Maybe that's why we're both repeat customers. I neither have the time or want to be sucked into it today even after we cut ties of the fucking side of things she still comes to me about him.

Okay sometimes get each other off, but set a hard limit of no sex anymore. I'm trying to be better not only for Vi but for myself and everyone around me. Not having a hoodie on is a pain trying to hide behind people to get into my building without her seeing me is going to be a struggle. She is looking the other direction towards the other way not where I'm coming from, rushing around the guy I was hiding behind out in the open in hopes she stays turned away from my directions. Bolting up the stairs making it in without her seeing me taking the biggest breath in.

I make my way to the stairs. Elevator? No, we don't have that luxury. I don't know what I'm about to walk into. How Jin is going to react or if he's on the couch again ass naked with Hobi again I’m turning back around. Pushing the door open to our floor, it's the seventh door down. I knock not once but three times as I unlock the door giving him warning in case I walk into some unspeakable acts. As I crack the door I hear Jin yell "He's gone it's just me." I let the air out of my lungs not even realizing I was holding my breath.

I feel a wave wash over me as I step foot into my home. It may not be the best place but it's home. Many nights and days have been spent here in the comfort of Jin's arms that I don't tell anyone but I need a hug sometimes and he doesn't question it, knows I'm not the type for it but if I'm asking or rushing in for one to not ask or pester about it. He is walking out of his room as I drop my helmet on the floor after shutting the door and it's all hitting me, slinging my bag on the floor and rushing forward to Jin and he just opens his arms and accepts me the way I'm.

"hey what's goin' on is the little monster mad at you?" He pats my back.

"Worse it's so much worse, Jin '' my fists bunch up the Fabric of his shirt he is wearing, shaking a little it's a soft material squeezable not hard like the throttle it's different. I feel my nails through the fabric squeezing so tight I can feel them meet my inner fist. "Well why don't you tell me and I'll see what I can do to help wrap your brain around it Yoongi." I just needed to let it out because I just couldn't because the time I have with her can't be me losing my shit. It just can't. I won't let it.

I take a deep breath in and get the smell of him and Hobi on his shirt. There is this weird comfort of knowing Jin is hugging me right now. If it was anyone else I probably would run to my room, shut the door and lock them out, but it's Jin I can trust him and he has shown me over and over I can trust him. "Let's go to the couch okay bud? or do you want your room?" All I can do is squeeze the fabric in my hand and finally cave "Room." He hums in response and he pats my back two times. "Okay go meet me there I’ma lock the door and get your back up meds from my room you know the ones Yoon."

He is talking about the more sedating ones for when I'm in a episode the only thing to bring me back to reality even if it's for a small amount of time, but if I took them daily it would be too much so they are the second line of rescue in my plan. "Okay, b-but I'm not taking them." making myself clear.

"Bud you know you won't have a choice, you'll look at my face and take them if I say this is what you need to do." He knows it's so hard for me to say no to him. There is a reason he is the first person I have opened up to like this. let him see this side of me. "I hate that you're right."

"You can hate me all you want, but I'm going to keep you in a stable mindset and help you work through whatever this is." I nod my head letting go of his shirt, turning to walk to my room with those damn silk sheets that invade my mind. I look to the door and I see Jin picking up my backpack and helmet. He really is cleaning up after my mess and doesn't even complain anytime. He knows I'm grateful for him. I don't often tell him but I have actions I do, and even wrote a letter last time I was in inpatient. It's hard for me to express what I'm feeling so they suggested writing it down to him. It was a four page long letter and I have often caught him re-reading it after an episode I know he struggles sometimes must be so draining to deal with me. last thing I would want is a best friend like me, why does he do it to himself?

We have done therapy together meaning him coming to my appointments and he has even told me how he feels. There is no grudge or resentment towards me but my mind can't help but think he hates me and puts up with me just because he is scared of what I'll do if he leaves.

I open my door and see the curtains are drawn open. Needing them shut, darkness is what I need, grabbing both ends and closing them. Taking my phone out of my pocket I want to avoid it at all costs but I know I need to check it. I felt it vibrate when I was hugging Jin not once but twice.

looking at my screen I see a text from Vi and Hans. Also that fucking cursed timer. Thirty five hours and twenty-six minutes how is time goin' by so quickly how long was I holding on to Jin? why can't I tell how much time it has been? unlocking my phone I read both their texts-

Hans: So she told you? She told the building manager about it and had to put it in writing that she would be out of the apartment for a while but still paying. She doesn't know I found out about it. Vi just called me packing and told me. I called her out on it and she apologized but doesn't know what to do about you. Also she was panicking thinking I would hate her for kissing my brother. I laughed at her just so you know I have always been team Yoongi even if you're my brother.

I don't know what to say to Hans. I'll call her later. I can't go all into it with her right now but I need to let some of this out like she knew and didn't tell me that throwing stuff at me is only going to make me worse.

Me: couldn't have told me? I know it wasn't your place but Hans its less than two days I'm finding out and WE FUCKING KISSED NOT JUST ONCE. I'M TRYING SO HARD TO STAY GROUNDED. I'll call you tonight, I'm about to talk to Jin about it and try to get a grasp on my reality.

exiting our chat and clicking on Vi's and I smile a little at her profile pic she picked for herself in my phone. I'd let her pick any pic she wanted and I'd stare at it day in and day out, sometimes forgetting to hit the answer button when she called just looking at her.

Vi: I told Hans but she didn't seem shocked. HOW can she not hate me for not telling her like ALSO HER BROTHER. FUCK BUT I LIKE YOU YOONGI AND I FEEL I DON'T DESERVE IT.

Me: First Violet calm down, she doesn't and won't hate you. Second, she has always known what I think of you. She caught on months after you started hanging out. She just kept it between her and I. I like you too, my overly anxious girl. You deserve everything. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. Now PACK the more you get done before I get there the more time we have. Jin needs some help with a few things so I'll be a little bit longer than just taking my meds.

I feel a hand on my shoulder bringing me back into reality. "Hey I'm here Yoongi you zoned out into your phone. Put it on silent so we can talk Kay?" I nod my head and switch the ringing to silent if there's an issue they can call twice and it'll push the call through on the second time. I use that feature too often when I'm on my late night rides. Jin gets pissed about it and says I should answer on the first ring what if he was dying or something more than half the time it's him saying he wants me home at a reasonable hour to know I'm okay cause he'll stay up until I'm back most times. If it's him and Hobi they'll both stay on the couch hanging out watching an anime or something waiting for me. I wonder if Hobi ever gets mad or upset about how Jin treats me. If I was Hobi I know I would feel some type of way but I'm possessive.

I set my phone on my nightstand, kicking off my boots without untying them and getting into my utopia that is becoming one with my reality and I don't know how to handle it. Will it all crumble once they fully collide like a meteor hitting earth?

These damn sheets feel so soft and silky I run my hand on them as Jin is holding out my pill container with water. "You at least need to take your daily and we'll access the situation after you tell me what's goin' on.”

I fucking wish this was painted black and purple I run my thumb over the Monday slot. Sighing thinking is this really my reality to feel normal. Whatever the fuck that is anymore. Popping it open the four pills that keep me from losing myself again. Hoping they work to be honest. Tilting my head back and letting them fall into my mouth. Two. Three. Four. Water.

"Good now what's going on?" Looking up to him now sitting in front of me on my bed with another bottle in hand, the bottle that I do not want to have relay on hell I don't want to relay on any of these. I feel my hand shaking on sheets. I can't control it. My mind feels like it is racing but feeling nothing all at once. I take a shaky breath. "I-I kissed her not just once." I feel him slap my knee. "That's what this is about how is that worse Yoongi you both finally came to terms what-"

"No!" Slamming my fist on the bed.

"Yoongi it's okay to feel your feelings. I know a lot must be-"

"Jin! She’s leaving Right when I finally told her! I finally kissed her god she feels like the head rush when the xan kicks in and I'm losing it all!" Grabbing my phone and look at my timer "in fucking thirty five hours and thirteen minutes." flipping it to show him.

"Oh god you have a damn timer Yoongi. You know what that's gonna do to you? You're just giving yourself impending doom. Delete the damn thing." he points at my phone in hand shaking my head no and he holds his hand out doing a motion as if to give him my phone. "No you know I'm just gonna count it down in my head anyways let me have it"

"Fine but where do you want to start to break this down like we have learned in therapy together? Or do we need to call your therapist?"

I feel my chest rising up and down fighting my hold on my phone like it's my heart crushing every vessel in my heart. "Fuck."

"Well that's at least a word." What is he my therapist? He knows what to say and brings it out of me and makes me think about how I'm acting. If I'm being honest I don't feel bad about how I'm acting. Losing the one thing that has kept me going for years without even knowing. The uncertainty of not knowing how often I'll talk to her or even see her face. Will she eat okay? Will she get home safe? What part of town will she be in? Fuck how will she be okay alone she worries with sounds from outside. "You there?" he waves his hand in front of my face.

"Y-yeah J-Jin give it to me I need it." I hold out my hand and am ready to accept the fact that I need this drug to bring me back to think rationally. "Do you want this or do you want to try a xan?" He is concerned but is also considerate of what I want even if he knows I need this and it will end up with me taking that little white pill, but still makes me feel like I have the option. "No, I need it." he nods and opens the bottle placing the pill in my hand.

No thoughts, just swinging my head back with my hand letting I fall into my mouth the water is handed to me by Jin and I chug it fifteen minutes it'll kick. Just fifteen minutes. "Wanna wait until it kicks in?" I nod I can't talk I need to just feel what I'm feeling until it hits. "That's okay, let's shut the door and turn on that light of yours." He gets up from my bed, shutting the door, opens his phone and connects to the starlight turning on the blue and purple setting with the light green stars on the ceiling.

Vi doesn't need to know I have one also that she is the reason she brought it into my utopia making it homey. He doesn't even question it anymore. He gets into this mode every time I'm losing what I say, in other words an episode coming on. I straighten out my legs and look up at the ceiling waiting for it to hit me that it'll be okay. Will it ever be okay? I'm fucking stupid for thinking it'll be okay. It's already triggering me and I don't know how to bring myself back.

I feel the weight of the bed shift he is laying next to me. We have spent many nights like this talking through my thoughts. Honestly don't know what I would do without him probably be six feet under. "You doin' okay over there? The stars are calming right? Let's just focus on them."

Letting out the smallest "Okay." to him give him some sort of comfort that I haven't totally lost, because when I completely lose it I don't talk at the beginning. The nebula swirling across my ceiling is calming the blue and purple swirling together. Maybe that's me and Vi in another universe.

"Why do I feel like I wanna hit everything and smash it into millions of pieces, but I can’t get myself to do it?"

"Because you know deep down it would be worse than accepting how you feel, the aftermath that would come with it."

All the therapy really has been working at least to some extent I guess because before I would have broken everything in this room throwing it into ruble and all that would be left, would be me in a pile of ruble. Always after there is a sense of how did I do this again? haven't I learned? I don't bring Vi here for a reason because sometimes I don't know what I have done until after I'm fully out of the episode.

The meds are hitting and I'm feeling calm, more collected but my brain can't wrap itself around what is happening. Why when my utopia and reality are colliding I'm losing it all? Do I not get a happy ending?

Will I forever be locked in my utopia that she has built just not in the physical world? The sad thing is I'd accept it if I knew that was my fate.

"You ready to tell me?" he looks over at me and I slowly turn my head to face him "Yeah." Taking in a deep breath thinking of smoke filling my lungs, the gray smoke encompassing me taking me to another state of mind as I exhale I choose to distance myself from my emotions, lock them away in the annex by themselves and become emotionless as I tell him. "You're doing it again Yoongi. You can't lock them away, I see your face change."

"Just this once Jin I need it."

"Fine but next time you are sitting with those emotions while telling me"

I know I need to learn how to sit with my emotions honestly between yesterday and this morning. I'd say this is the longest I just sat on the emotions in my mind invading my utopia. I can't look at him when I tell I'm a coward. Guess one of us has to be one right? Because he looks at me even when I can't look at him.

"W-we started this damn deal that she would help me stop smoking. Those fucking lollipops will be the end of me."

"You mean those pineapple one's?" I hum in response to his question.

Wishing that taste was filling my mouth with the sweet and tangy bliss, no I wish it was her giving it to me when our lips locked.

"But what she didn't know was that those lollipop's caused something to rumble inside of me all the time. I would sneak one as guilty pleasure thinking 'this is what she tastes like'. God how fucked Am I? Jin to do that and now it's the only thing keeping me from hitting a cig. Ya know the only other thing to fill my senses other than pills. Her side of the deal was to accept any compliment I give her and learn to love herself again mentally and physically."

I clench my fist needing to feel something other than emptiness. Why do I lock my emotions up? Well it's the only way I don't let them feed themselves into anger with more emotion than I can handle. Locking them away for the safety of others. Maybe if I lock them away forever I can settle finally. Breathe.

"Well let me help you break this down." he grabs my fist making me unclench it looking at my hand seeing the indents from my nails starting to break my skin without realizing. "So she wants you to be healthy, correct?" I hum in response.

"Then you stopped smoking using the lollipops as a crutch but in your mind she turned into that crutch, but what you're not seeing Yoongi she has always been that crutch the cigs were what you told yourself was what filled your senses. Your mind. You started smoking when you pulled away from her in treatment. Sometimes we all need something to take away what our mind fills our head with. I do it, everyone does it. As for her part Yoongi, why the hell would she accept that side of the deal if she didn't have any feelings for you. Towards you."

After that his voice fades out a little bit looking at the swirling colors on the ceiling. During the longest inpatient treatment lasted a couple months I would sneak drags here and there from the other patients always after therapy talking about family and Vi was a part of it she was and is always a part of me. Missing her smile the little teeth gap she has always hated but I found it so cute when she would fill her mouth with water and spray it at us like a water gun when Hans and I would pick on her out of love. When I didn't have her texts read to me cause she stopped texting as often during the longest it drove me insane where they extended the treatment. I don't notice how much I rely on her for support. The cigs became the thing I used when I didn't have her or trying to hold myself back, locking those feelings up in my utopia only for myself to visit when I craved it like a drug.

I feel my shoulder being shaken blinking, turning my head in his direction "W-what Jin fuck!"

"You zoned out again. It was a few minutes again. You forget I know your cues. I waited to see if you would find your way back to me but it wasn't happening." so he wasn't still talking? I need to rein myself in before I lose it. The last thing I need is Jin admitting me.

"You're right she was the crutch, the cigs was just a crutch from her. I picked up smoking so much more when she was with Taehyung. Wasn't my place to be around her that often when she was with him. but what will I do without the crutch Jin can't keep the promise to not smoke if she isn't here" he grabs my hand to give me some sort of comfort I know this I don't want a hug or the weight of anyone on me just a little 'I'm here' is enough to help ground me back to reality.

"You're gonna spend the next however long you have with her and take her to that company party you even put on our fridge calendar with a Purple Heart like a teenage girl going on her first date. Show her she is gorgeous."

"Watch it Jin." I tighten my squeeze on his hand

"God, you know you're so possessive. I'm. G-A-Y. Gay. Now listen to me I know that girl doesn't show everything going on in that mind of hers. I can tell just from what I learned from research about you. it's not my place to know but for the love of god do not hurt her. Don't run off and waste her time. I'm not only on your side but hers also I have watched her grow up and there is a protectiveness I have towards her. You may not see her like a little sister but I do."

Letting what he just said sit with me this possessive behavior will only cause me trouble. I mean but if it was some random guy fuck him, but it's Jin I need to tone it down with him hell even with Hans I get too possessive about Vi. How does he know about Vi? Was I too sucked into my emotions to pay attention to hers? Fuck. I did that. I was so caught up in finally feeling something that I didn't see her facial expressions looking back on it. I would see how her face would drop when we needed to go to her house before going to ours. The misty gray eyes would turn emotionless when she talked about her mom and dad. Her home life. How did I not fucking notice. "Yoongi! snap the fuck out of it you're hurting my hand." My eyes go wide and I-I hurt Jin no. No I can't do this to him I need to get out of this letting go of his hand and quickly. No rushing getting up from my bed running to the kitchen to make it to my backpack. I need the Xan on top of this.

"Yoongi, where are you going!" reaching my backpack I know he is on my heels, shaky hands un zipping my backpack I want the bottle not just the quarters cut in my keychain. opening the bottle and taking one and half no water needed. I'm too needy for it. "I see you needed it. I'm glad you're finally listening to your needs finally."

Dropping to my knees looking up at him "J-Jin I didn't mean to. I promise. I didn’t mean to hurt you, my head was spiraling and I didn't know what I was doing. P-please forgive me don't send me back I need to send this time with her" the tears are now rolling down my hot face cooling down the red cheeks painted on my face. I'm a mess.

Jin drops down in front of me and tries to pull me in for a hug "No I hurt you stay away." he pulls hard and it makes me cave, not risking hurting him again from pulling away "Its happens hell Hobi hit me in the balls last night on purpose do you see me hating him no. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it. The last thing I would ever do is take your time away from her, but I need to know you can handle it. Is this spiral coming out of you because you're coming to terms with everything?" He is rubbing my back and accepting touch is always hard. Yeah, holding a hand is fine and I crave it sometimes, but hugging this close is not me unless it's Vi at least for this long. Talking into his chest knowing he isn't going to let me go anytime soon. "I- just want to be normal Jin."

He laughs at me. what the fuck did I say that was funny? "Normal is too boring, haven't you heard?"

"I'm sorry. You were right about everything. How didn't I notice her emotions all these years? It's all hitting me all at once Jin. I'm awful, like how could I love someone. Fucking love someone all these years and not notice her pain."

"because you were finding yourself along the way, stabling yourself. you were not on the right meds to say the least trial after trial and when you were out feeling normal. Your mind protected you from those emotions you would have felt if you did see them. Hans, Ma, Pop, Taehyung, Hobi and I all have been watching her grow steadily. she never told me much always knew I was there the other may know more than we both know but thats between her and them Yoon"

He is right, I can't fight him on it. My mind was a mess back then more than now and just look at me still fighting the battle. It makes me wonder how much others know that I don't, what have they done when I wasn't there fully mentally and physically. "What I can do is be there now right? Do you think she hates me?"

"She kissed you not only once, I think you're in the clear bud. I don't know where she is going and why but just know I'm gonna be here for the both of you along the way and once she leaves you will be going into the facility even if it's for a few days just so they can help you. You know it will be needed. I will call your doctor for you. I pinky swear I will not take you away from her until she is gone"

Fuck he knows what I need. I know what I need but I'm not ready for it. The Xan is hitting and I'm finally feeling my heart beat normal no longer constricting every vessel in my heart. My head feels light. fuzzy. clear. All at the same time.

Sweet. Sweet. Pineapple.

Is all I can think. biting my lip taking the deepest breath I have taken in the last probably hour. Fuck what time is it. I don't have time for this. I need to be with her. Pushing away from Jin on my knees trying to balance myself to look at the clock on the stove. "You good Yoons?"

Looking at the clock my head may be fuzzy but this is the one thing I can do at this moment. Whispering to myself "Thirty four hours and twenty-one minutes. Fuck." I have spent more than an hour since I last looked at my phone panicking about losing my shit. Yoongi get yourself together then you can lose a bit when she is gone. "Oh for fucks sake is that what brought you back?"

"Help me up Jin please." I'm not too shallow to ask for help cause' I know he'll do it for me without asking but sometimes it's nice to be needed even though I know that it's in our nature. He stands up and holds his hand out and mine in his helping me stabilize as I stand up. "How about you go hop in the shower and I'll come in once you're out and we can finish this talk while you're resetting your mind."

The shower, the warmth wrapping around me sounds amazing to help ground me learning tricks in therapy really has helped both Jin and I. I hope Vi can find her own ways of coping. "That sounds nice. I'll yell when I'm in. wait-"

"I already did, your laundry is folded and under the sink is your favorite dark purple towel." Fuck what would I do without him. "Thank you."

Walking to our shared bathroom Jin gets the towel rack and drawers and I get under the sink. We make it work at home. Who needs separate bathrooms? Well I guess the times we have had to walk in when the other was taking a shit and pee in the shower might make us want a second bathroom but the funny times outweigh the cons. I couldn't hold it okay? God I hope Hans never finds that out because I'll never hear the end of it. Shutting the door and turning on the water to warm it reminds me of that cold shower, the many sinful showers but that one time in particular. Nope Yoongi now is not the time when you get your mind in an okay-ish space you fit it with dirty thoughts.

Locking those thoughts in my utopia for another time, chain and bolted not once but three times. I'll be sure to revisit them, trust me.

Riding my clothes, folding them up and setting them on the counter I need to bring them back to Vi so she has some that smells of me. Making a mental note she needs to send the first ones she takes with her back once it's gone and I'll send her new ones in exchange. I better get a hoodie at least or even one of those big t-shirts she wears to sleep. Pulling the curtain back, stepping in the shower, closing the curtain luckily we made sure to buy a dark curtain. "In!"

as soon as I say it he is already opening the door "Want me to put these in your laundry basket?"

"No! I'm giving them to Vi." and I hear him whisper "And you too aren't together?" laughing a little under his breath.

The warm water hitting my chest feels like the sun rays shining on my skin after being inside for so long. leaning my head on the shower wall just letting the water hit my body. I feel lighter already. "So what's the plan do ya both have one?"

Deep breaths in and out stabilizing my breath. I know I have stuff to work on too while she is working on herself but I'm not ready to look far into myself and all the work I need. "uh she is packing as we speak, and keeping her apartment while she is away paying for both. I'm going back afterwards and helping her pack told her I needed meds, but I needed more than just that I needed you. Your help." finally admitting it to him.

"I'm always here, bud. We're a team and and pretty fucking good one at that"

I smile a little bit that he doesn't hate our friendship, how we work there is a mutual companionship between the both of us even though I have no idea what I do for him. Running my head under the water does need to be washed but it makes me feel like I'm riding all the bad thoughts from my mind. A full reset from what just happened. The meds are kicked in and I'm feeling calm.

The one thing about these drugs is that it makes me feel calm and kinda emotionless, but then there is the looming uncertainty of how I will feel once they are out of my system will I just turn back into who I was. Rather what I'm.

"Thank you for always being there for me Jin. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, now finish telling me the plan and I’ll help you execute it to the best of my ability.”

He really is out of the world. I don't deserve him in my life. He doesn't need to put up with me but still does it. I’ll forever be in debt to him. “I don’t know if I’ll stay there tonight but god I hope so. Then tomorrow is the company party and uh I need to borrow the car if possible.”

“Done take it.” he didn’t even question it.

“After that she will uh actually I don’t know how she is getting to her new place that is seven hours away she didn’t tell me. I’ll have to find that out, send me a text you know my brain can’t think properly like this. Then she’ll be gone for around a year at the same company while getting mental health help because she wanted some change.”

The water feels amazing. I never wanna leave but I know I need to get to her soon. “Done I’ll send the text. Second, I think it’s good that both of you are accepting the reality that you can’t be together when you’re both still in the deepest of your battles.”

Turning the shower off, holding my hand out he passes me my towel of course the ones Vi bought me for Christmas. She really is a caretaker in many ways. Who buys someone towels for Christmas? Vi does. Once the towel is wrapped around my body pulling the curtain open Jin is still in here. He even brought me new clothes, comfort clothes loose, baggy, black clothes my favorite. The chains, still around my neck. I touch my hand on them the reason I’m doing any of this. This life. Hans and Vi.

“You’re gonna get through this and you’re gonna make it out of the other side stronger than ever whatever may come of this Yoongs. Now let me dry your hair.”

Bending my head down he runs a towel through my hair drying it off from dripping down my face. I don’t care that we’re too men hell girls shower together at any age who says guys can’t be this close fuck em I say.

Once he does this he pulls out his phone and looks at it “You got thirty four hours and seven minutes left make it the best hours you can.” and with that he steps out of the bathroom shutting the door so I can get dressed. As I put on my clothes one piece at a time I think what it’ll feel like over the next year or so without her daily in my life. I don’t know how long we’ll go without talking or video calling. Will we become distant and all this will be memory? Maybe it’s better to lock it away in my utopia forever.

Looking at myself in the mirror I see the shaggy wet blonde hair over my forehead. There are small dark bags under my eyes from not sleeping enough last night. Once she fell asleep I slept for a little bit but then woke up laying listening to her night babbles in her sleep thinking about the future. Would that be a nightly occurrence if we were together? Or would I actually be able to settle down and actually get a good sleep in more than three hour increments.

I can’t fill my head with all this right now. I need to be in the best headspace I can be in for driving and being with her. It’s time to soak it all in the time I have with her. The first few moments of this journey together will be precious to me. To us.

Opening the bathroom door Jin is waiting on the hall wall looking at his phone. “Time to go bud. You got this. I emailed your doctor so we can start a plan of action after the fact Kay?” I nod my head. I know this is happening. I guess it’s better than completely losing it than having no contact at all with Vi. Losing my rights to my phone and connections would be worse for me let alone her in a new city all alone figuring out her way.

I’ll be the best I can be while she is gone and for once be what she needs. Walking to my bedroom I grab some socks sitting on my bed putting them on. Jin is in my room taking out clothes for me to wear tonight if I stay the night with her, and putting the clothes that I wore earlier on top of them so I can give them to her.

He walks out of my room and grabs my backpack and starts to put everything in there for me as I just stare at the floor grounding myself to this reality. “Okay I’m trusting you. I’m putting these meds in your bag. If you need it you take one but no more unless you talk to me Kay?” I nod my head understanding knowing I can only take two of them in a day, the pill I hate so much. He packs my other meds and even a few snacks for Vi and I. Buckling up my bag and laying it on the bed for me ready to go.

“It’s time to go and take advantage of this time with her. I’m gonna call the restaurant and take the next three days off to be here for you and don’t give me the bullshit of ‘I’ll be okay’ because this time there is no push back. I'm gonna be here if you need me at all drop of call or text. Even if it's a ‘hey I need you to wipe my ass’ I’ma be there.”

I laugh at his phrase of words. Why did he have to word it that way? “I don’t think I’ll need you to wipe my ass ever but I get it thank you Jin.”

He pulls me up and pats my shoulders handing me the backpack “Now go you’ve been here long enough. Go before the little monster kills us both.” swinging the back pack on my shoulders. As we both exit my room turning off the lights I look over at the picture of Hans, Vi and me and just smile. It’ll all be okay, and if my utopia crumbles when they collide I’ll accept my fate. I’m playing with fire after all.

Thank you for reading. ₊˚⊹♡

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hummingbird-of-light · 20 days

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Okay, here we go, just like I promised. The writing project~ We’ll start with Miss Farie’s backstory (since y’all voted her No. 1 at the favorite OC poll) I really hope I’ll get around to fulfill all the prompts 💪

Prompt: You Don't Understand

(First Story for Angstember 2024 by @ivystoryweaver )

If you were born into poor circumstances like Nomira Farie, there wasn't much hope or dreams on the planet Tyriuk IV.

Every day, Tyriuks spent hours toiling so that they could provide the bare necessities for their families. Every day, every last credit was saved up so that they could afford to eat and drink. Very few Tyriuks had the money to afford cars, travel or luxury goods. The Farie family was no exception. It wasn't as if they were among the poorest of the poor. Not at all. They were lucky that their father had a good job in one of the big factories where the shuttles for the rich and famous were built. Thanks to their wages, they had their own home and could grow their own crops. It was a good life according to the circumstances.

And yet Nomira, the youngest child, dreamed of a glorious future every day. She didn't want to be satisfied with what her family had. She wanted to be famous and respected like her great idols.

There were two celebrities that Nomira looked especially good to.

One of these people was the singer Nomira Zulik, after whom her mother had named the girl. Nomira Zulik was probably the most beautiful Tyriuk woman little Nomira had ever seen. And her voice was like a thousand beautiful instruments sounding at once. What's more, the singer had credits in abundance. She was rich and graceful and stunning.

But Nomira realized that she could never become a great singer. No one gave a Tyriuk woman from a poor background the chance in show business.

Which brought Nomira to her second idol: Miss Welisa Harkem. The woman was one of the most respected Tyriuks in the entire city. She ran a noble restaurant where she offered the specialty that every inhabitant of the planet only dreamed of.

Meat.

Nomira had always felt an incredible fascination for this ingredient, which was so rare on the planet that it could only be acquired and distorted by the richest of the rich. Sometimes poor families were lucky and leftover meat was distributed to them on the national holiday so that they too could enjoy the wonderful treat. The majority of the population subsisted on various plants and minerals. In addition, there were medicines that provided everyone with other necessary vitamins and proteins. Most Tyriuks did not grow particularly old with their way of life. Only those who ate meat every day – a special kind of diet – could live up to 200 years and remain young and beautiful. A great wish of Nomira.

And she wanted to make this wish come true. For this reason, the girl began learning about food and the processes of cooking at a very young age. She tried out different things with the plants that were available to her. She tried baking and cooking.

And she was only too happy to present her finished works to her third idol. There was a Tyriuk who was always there for her. A person she looked up to and wanted to make incredibly proud.

Her big brother Malui.

The young man was a whole seven years older than her, but he looked after his little sister day after day. He comforted her when other children called her dreams nonsense. He started working as soon as he could to buy Nomira things she wanted. Clothes, music, even a PADD.

And Nomira wanted to do everything she could to eventually earn enough money to support both her brother and her parents. She dreamed of opening her own restaurant, which would be just as classy as Miss Harkem's. She wanted to serve her family delicacies every day. Steaks, pies, roasts – there were so many wonderful dishes that could be made from meat. And once Nomira made it to the top, her family would stay young and live forever.

But that would not happen.

It was a very special weekend and Nomira was looking forward to cooking her family an equally special meal. She had waited for hours outside Miss Harkem's restaurant and when she finally drove up in her elegant car to open her restaurant, Nomira had dared to go to her.

With trembling hands, the young Nomira handed her PADD to the restaurant owner, who was flanked by bodyguards.

"Excuse me, M-M-Miss Harkem. I-I don't want to disturb you for long, b-but may I show you my National Day recipes?"

Hope was reflected in Nomira's blue eyes, which were framed by large glasses.

The soft smile on Miss Harkem's lips as she took the PADD and looked down at it made Nomira's heart race. What would the woman say? Nomira was just some run-of-the-mill poor girl, after all. The Tyriuk girl’s throat tightened as she watched Miss Harkem nod slowly to herself.

"Very interesting." Green eyes met blue ones. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

The girl immediately straightened up, sticking out her chest.

"N-Nomira. Nomira Farie, ma'am."

The restaurant owner smiled and handed Nomira back her PADD. Slowly, the teenager's shoulders slumped and her hopeful look faded. Were the recipes that bad? Had she disappointed her idol and wasted her time?

"Nomira. A really beautiful name. So Nomira, your ideas sound very interesting and I love to see such ambitious young chefs, but have you ever cooked with meat?"

The girl shook her head sadly. She had often dreamed of it, but there hadn't been enough money.

"I see. Then let me make you a suggestion." Nomira's eyes widened when Miss Harkem suddenly put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. "My employees will deliver fresh meat to you today and you can conjure up one of these dishes for me. What do you think?"

Nomira's breath caught for a moment. Not a word would leave her mouth. Her heart was pounding so loudly that she could hear it in her head.

Then she nodded. Slowly at first, then more and more eagerly. An enthusiastic grin crossed her face.

"Yes, ma'am! I'll be happy to do that!"

Miss Harkem smiled.

"Very nice. How big is your family, Nomira?"

"There are four of us. I have my parents and a brother, Miss Harkem."

Nomira was filled with pride at the thought of how she would tell her loved ones that she was allowed to cook for the great Miss Welisa Harkem. But the lady's next words only filled her with even more joy.

"Very well. Then we'll provide enough meat for you to cook for me and your family. After all, it's our national holiday. If this isn't the right day for good deeds, what is?"

Nomira thanked her idol again and again, having to restrain herself from hugging her effusively.

This would be the best day of her entire life.

"Please take good care of my creation. I want it to reach Miss Harkem in one piece, yes?"

The restaurant staff who had delivered the meat to Nomira accepted the wrapped food with a nod.

"We will."

"I'm sure Miss Harkem will get back to you if she likes it."

It didn't sound as if the big man thought his boss might actually like the dish, but Nomira didn't care. All that mattered was that she had cooked a nice meal with a big, juicy piece of meat for the first time in her life.

The restaurant staff drove away and Nomira was finally able to enter the dining room and get everything ready for dinner. She had told her parents and Malui not to come into the kitchen or dining room until she called them.

Nomira's heart overflowed with happiness as she looked at the table set before her. The wonderful aroma of the marinated, roasted meat caught her nose and the young girl's mouth immediately began to water. This was going to be the best holiday ever.

"You can come in!"

When the door opened and her family entered the room, Nomira's chest swelled. Surprised looks fell on the dining table. Tears welled up in her mother's eyes and a hand slid to her mouth.

"What-" Nomira's father also seemed unable to believe his eyes.

"Surprise! I present to you the Nomira special menu."

"But ... what ... how..." Mrs. Farie shook her head in disbelief.

Nomira's words almost tumbled over each other as she recounted what exactly had happened. How she had met Miss Harkem and how she had said that she could cook something.

"Oh Nomira, my wonderful angel. What a lovely surprise." Mrs. Farie wrapped her arms around her daughter and Mr. Farie also patted the youngest proudly on the shoulder.

"A true child prodigy."

Only one remained standing on the spot. The Tyriuk whom Nomira had wanted to impress the most. The person she wanted the most praise from.

When Mrs. Farie let go of her daughter and she could finally look at her brother, he just shook his head.

"Oh, sweet pea. I ... do you even know what you've cooked?"

"Malui," Mr. Farie said in a stern tone. He gave his son a hard look.

"What? Surely she must know the truth! She must know where this oh-so-great meat comes from."

Nomira couldn't help but flinch at her brother's angry voice. She tilted her head in confusion. She was fourteen years old. Of course she knew where meat came from. Her classmates had told her that early enough and teased her for believing that meat grew on trees.

Slowly, Nomira took a step forward.

"Malui, I know. I know where meat comes from. Creatures from outer space, from other worlds, that are weaker than our race are collected and slaughtered according to their species. Each creature tastes different and is special. Each of them helps us to stay young and beautiful forever."

She had read enough about it. She had studied it a lot. It was nothing unusual for her.

Malui only shook his head. His gaze was sad and serious. Slowly, he stepped up to Nomira and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"These creatures you're talking about are living beings. They think and feel. They have friends and families just like us. It is not right what is being done to them. We don't need meat to survive."

There was something in Malui's gaze that Nomira had never seen before. It was something that made her heart break.

Disappointment.

Malui was ... disappointed.

"But ... Of course we need it! We need it to grow old. We need it to never get ugly! Every one of us should eat meat every day. We are more important than any other living being!"

That's exactly why Nomira wanted to become just like Miss Harkem! To give her family what they deserved. To become rich and be able to experience the incredible pleasure of meat every day.

"You don't understand, sweet pea. You're not old enough to see how wrong and cruel it all is."

Nomira felt sadness and anger welling up inside her. How could her brother say something like that? How could he treat her like a little child when she was almost an adult? Tears filled her eyes and she gritted her teeth.

"The way our kind lives is not good. There are other ways of living."

"Stop it! Stop saying things like that!" Nomira could no longer contain her anger. She took a step back and pushed Malui away from her.

"Malui! Your sister is doing everything she can to give us the chance of a better life one day! How dare you not appreciate that!" Mrs. Farie gave her son a disapproving look.

"How can I appreciate something that causes others suffering? That's not possible for me." Malui shook his head before looking back at his little sister. "I really hope you understand some day. And I hope you see that there are better, more peaceful ways to live."

Nomira felt the hot tears making their way out of her eyes. She could not and would not understand why her brother was talking such nonsense.

Did he really want to die young? Did he want to age and slowly shrivel up like her grandparents before they died? That couldn't possibly be his wish.

"I was planning to tell you today anyway and now it seems more appropriate than ever. I have found a group that shares my views on the consumption of meat. We will set out together to find a place where we can live peacefully. A place that is better than this planet."

And in that moment when she heard those fatal words, Nomira's world collapsed.

Her brother, who had always been there for her. Her brother, whom she loved so much. Her brother who had been one of her idols. He would leave her. Abandoned to rot somewhere just because he didn't understand that meat was a wonderful commodity.

"Then you can pack your bags right now and get out of here. I never want to see you in my house again." Mr. Farie's gaze was cool and furious at the same time. He, too, could not believe that his son would voluntarily make such a decision.

"Fine. If that's how you feel, then that's what I'll do."

The last look her brother gave Nomira was filled with sadness and bitterness. A look that the young Tyriuk woman would never forget. A look that would forever be engraved in her soul.

And even the call from Miss Harkem and the news that she was delighted with Nomira's cooking skills and offered her a place as an apprentice as soon as she was old enough didn't help to make the day any better.

A big dream of Nomira's had finally come true. But what good was all that if she couldn't share it with her big brother?

#angstember 2024 #prompt: you don’t understand #star trek #alien oc #miss farie #angst #hurt #mentions of slaughter #argument #broken family #mega_whumps_characters

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