#and i wanna hug tess!

[themoonstonechronicler]

i need all of you to understand my problem. I want to hug Tess desperately. However, she is made of metal, and i cant touch metal without having a sensory issue.

[be-an-echo]

let's go my love, we don't belong here anymore...

[cravingstudyvalidation]

Your girl socialised and went on a window shopping date with two of my dance mates💃

[bucketbueckers]

I'D RATHER PRETEND

CHAPTER THREE

tags: @angryflowerwitch @avvwritesstufff @melpthatsme @rebecca-woso @bueckersg1rl @l0verl4ne @clouded-whispers @dolliest-thena @katemartinlvr @numberonepartyanth3m @glamourdaya @pbbucks @unadulteratedcyclepaper @paiges-1vur wc: 7.3k notes: same shit, different chapter, masterlist, content warnings, place name backstory stuff. not my favorite chap but lots of paige & tess content so hopefully that makes up for it being boring af 😸 hope we enjoy 🫶

‘Prepare for Take Off! Tess Kennedy and Paige Bueckers Share Sweet Goodbye in Crowded Airport’

Tess Kennedy and Paige Bueckers have been a trending topic ever since Wednesday morning when fans speculated that Bueckers flew out to support Kennedy during her ACL recovery. In that time, Kennedy and Bueckers have shared a total of five pictures to their Instagram stories, each becoming more and more obvious as to who they are spending time with. Kennedy’s most recent story included a photo of her injured leg in the lap of (you guessed it!) a faceless individual, though just a half hour later, both Kennedy and Bueckers were pictured together at the Columbia Metropolitan Airport.

Onlookers said that Bueckers and Kennedy were attached at the hip, all smiles as they navigated the busy airport. Before Bueckers boarded the plane back to Connecticut, she and Kennedy shared a sweet hug before they pulled away. One commenter said that they seemed to share a few words, then Bueckers was off. Another commenter noted a sort of sadness etched on Kennedy’s face as she lingered. She seemed to be deep in thought. While, obviously, we are not in the business of being mind-readers, it is clear that Kennedy had some strong feelings about Bueckers leaving. In the short three days they have been seen together, their bond is evident, and fans are anxiously awaiting their next interaction.

-Penelope Lancaster, Bleacher Report

MAY 6, 2023

Tess is nursing a cup of half-melted ice when the FaceTime call from Paige comes through. It’s nearly startling – she’d been scrolling TikTok for the past hour, trying to distract herself from literally everything. It was difficult at first. Her feed was mostly basketball related things and huge think pieces about her and Paige – people seemed to think that Paige was saving her, which was ridiculous. It took about thirty minutes and countless refreshing, but she’s sure she successfully factory reset her algorithm. She was seventeen parts into a pirated movie and it was nearing the good part when Paige’s contact photo took over her screen.

She accepts the call, forgetting to control her face. “Hey! Woah, who pissed in your Cheerios?”

Paige’s voice flows through her airpods and Tess corrects her scowl, popping another ice cube in her mouth. “You did. I was watching Hidden Figures on TikTok and you interrupted me.”

Paige’s brows furrow dramatically. Tess takes the moment to study her screen, noting the headboard behind Paige and the dim lighting. She’s wearing a pair of glasses that sit low on the bridge of her nose, and judging by the blanket furled around her exposed shoulders, Paige must have just rolled into bed. “My bad, jus’ thought you would wanna talk to your girlfriend or sum’ after a really long plane ride.”

“It was like, four hours,” Tess states, rolling her eyes, though there’s a lingering fondness.

The blonde hums, shifting. “Try four hours and one minute. I sat next to this old guy and he snored the entire time. Like, I had my airpods in and everything and here comes Thomas the fucking train engine and shit. And in case that wasn’t bad enough, none of my teammates could pick me up so I got an Uber home and the driver just kept yapping about how South Carolina destroyed UConn’s last year.” 

Tess nearly chokes on an ice cube as she laughs, much to Paige’s chagrin. “Yeah? How’d that make you feel?”

Paige narrows her eyes at her. “Stop gloating.”

“I’m not!”

Paige waves her hand, kissing her teeth before refocusing. “What’s with the ice cubes?” she asks.

For a moment, Tess considers playing it off. She doesn’t want Paige to think of her any differently if she admits the truth about it. She was slowly getting used to feeling guilt all the time, but she was wholly unprepared for the amount of shame weighing her down. Thinking about the fact she drank herself into an alcohol dependence – not addiction; she is not addicted and that’s a hill she’s willing to die on! – is humiliating. Tess would never lord anyone else’s struggle over their head, but it’s different with her. She’s still not sure how to give herself the same grace and compassion she’d give others. Her Uncle Gio had his fair share of alcohol issues, though he was also a war veteran; Tess understands why he’d turn to drinking, but how could their issues ever compare?

She recalls the promise she made to Kam and Bree, to herself, to Paige before she boarded the plane. She gave Paige her word that she wouldn’t do this alone, so she sinks into her pillows and confesses. “The ice cubes distract me from, you know, wanting to drink. Feels like it kills the urge a little bit – I don’t know. It’s probably fucking up my teeth, but better those than my brain and my liver, right?” She tries to mask the discomfort with a laugh, but it sounds dry coming out of her mouth.

Paige’s eyes soften. “Whatever works, right?” she says. “As long as you ain’t replacin’ it with like, chain smoking?”

Tess rolls her eyes, appreciative of the sentiment, but also Paige’s humorous approach as it takes some of the pressure off. “No chain smoking here,” she vows.

The blonde is silent for a moment. “When’d they start?” she prods. “The urges. If you wanna talk about it.”

Tess contemplates her words for a moment. Paige has given her an out, but at this point, she’s not sure if she wants to use it. “Thursday night. Couldn’t sleep at all. I wanted to drink so bad. So I stayed up, ate ice, and watched TV. I was honestly in the trenches but you know…that happens when you drink for a month straight and then suddenly stop.” When she glances down at her phone screen, Paige’s eyes are laser-focused on her, absorbing every word. Tess cracks a small smile. “My first therapy appointment is on Monday, so I’ll see what my therapist suggests. I’m pretty sure the urges will be here to stay for a couple weeks. Sounds more like a fact of life than anything else, I guess, but if push comes to shove, I’ll get Kam to tie me to the bed so I can’t run away.” Paige smirks and Tess rolls her eyes. “Chill!”

“I wasn’t even gonna say nothin’!” Paige exclaims. Tess shakes her eyes, though she can’t keep the smile off her face. “For what it’s worth, ‘m proud of you for, you know…thuggin’ it out.”

Tess grins. “‘Thugging it out?’” she asks in disbelief.

“I’m being genuine,” Paige says with an eye roll. “I’on know what you’re going through besides the knee. I understand that it’s not easy, though. Everyone thinks I’m like, your knight in shining armor or some bullshit, but you don't need me. Yeah, you got me and I’m here to support you, no matter what. But I’m not saving you or anything. You’re doing that yourself. And I think that’s really cool.”

Tess chuckles, trying to ignore just how touching Paige’s words were. “Don’t get sentimental on me now.” She wipes the tear beading at her waterline, and when she glances down, Paige is smiling at her.

“Alright,” she concedes. “I won’t say anything nice ever again.”

“You?” Tess mocks. “Saying nice things?”

“Fuck off,” Paige says. Her words lack heat and her smile brightens. She runs a hand across her jaw, as if deep in thought. “So, about the airport.” Tess raises a brow in what she hopes is nonchalance, trying to keep her nerves at bay. She’s been trying to push it deep into the recesses of her mind, but it’s clear Paige has other plans. “Was it…okay? Like I didn’t make you uncomfortable or nothin’?”

“Paige,” Tess deadpans, smile widening in amusement, but it does little to hide the flush on her cheeks. “It was a hug.”

Paige scratches the back of her neck. “I mean…it – nevermind, forget it,” she says, her voice trailing off.

“It what?”

Paige shakes her head, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “Nothing, don’t worry,” she says, flashing an easy grin, but something in her expression betrays her image of comfort. “Just checking in with you, s’all. Wanna make sure we’re selling the story, yeah?”

Right. The story. Reminding herself that this was all fake is somehow the only thing on Tess’s mind, but she still manages to forget about it at the worst moments. Trying to mask the foreign feeling burning a hole in her gut, she hums. “I think we’re doing a good job. Have you seen those articles on Bleacher Report?”

Paige nods, the tension on her face dissolving. “A couple, yeah.” Her smile turns smug. “D’you actually look sad when I boarded?”

Tess throws her head back with a heavy sigh. “Paige–”

“C’mon, you don’t gotta hide it,” she says teasingly. “Coulda chased me, begged me to stay, all that cheesy romcom shit.”

“Chase you?” Tess guffaws. “First of all, with whose knee?” Paige snorts, tilting her head as if to say, touche. “Second of all, I don’t chase. I have too much self-respect for that.”

“Yeah?” Paige asks, a laugh bubbling in her throat.

Tess narrows her eyes. “I’m hanging up on you.”

“You won’t.” Tess raises a brow, pressing the red end call button. The silence hardly lasts three seconds before Paige is calling back. Tess answers with a shit-eating grin. “Don’t do that shit to me again,” Paige says, indignant.

“Who’s chasing now?” Tess asks smugly. 

Paige rubs the back of her neck again, having the decency to look caught, but she smiles at Tess regardless. “I’mma let you go take a nap,” she declares. “Let you sleep off this attitude.” Tess shakes her head, but her smile turns fond. “Call me after your appointment tomorrow, okay? Lemme know how it goes…if you feel up to it.”

Tess’s face softens. “Sure.” Tess bites her lip in contemplation. Before she has the chance to chicken out, she clears her throat. “Um, I just wanted to say thank you. For….” Tess’s voice trails off, unable to put to words how much Paige’s support has kept her sane for the past few days.

The lighting in Paige’s room is dim, but Tess can distinctly see the way her smile reaches her eyes, the way she understands what Tess is trying to say. “No need to thank me,” Paige says. “Just focus on getting better.”

Tess flashes one last quiet smile. “I will.” With a final farewell, the line clicks dead, and Tess leans back on her bed, releasing a long sigh.

Fuck.

MAY 8, 2023

Sunday passes by in a blur and Tess finds herself awake at 6am Monday morning. Sunday was chill – with nothing better to do, she spent the day (to no one’s surprise) binging more TV and working through some of Craig’s recommended independent PT exercises. She even treated herself to a solid hour outdoors, which, as popular opinion suggests, actually does wonders for your mental health.

She tries her best to ignore the intrusive thoughts at the back of her mind, urging her to go back on her promises. They become less and less appealing as the hours tick by. Sleep slowly becomes easier, though she’s unsure if she should attribute it to finally taking care of her leg or losing the fog that used to cloud her brain.

Just a week ago, Tess was rolling into bed at dawn, well past drunk and in body shuddering pain. Now, she’s on her sixth day of sobriety and genuine rehabbing, and she holds a different kind of hope for the future that she’d never felt before. There’s a small part of her that’s terrified to feel too positive about the days ahead of her considering it’s hardly been a full week, but she can’t help but feel like things are finally shaping up. And at this point, the only thing standing between her and that positive future she can’t stop thinking about is literally her.

Deciding to put a little extra effort in on Monday morning, she forgoes her usual sweatpants and opts for leggings. Between her brace and her knee, she wasn’t quite ready for jeans, but she figured leggings were at least a step up. Tess fully commits to her skin care, fixes her hair in a simple half-up half-down style, and even sends a sweet ‘good morning’ text to the team group chat – although Tessa, her almost-name twin, immediately responds and tells her to ‘take her ass back to bed.’ Tess sends the middle finger emoji and decides they are never seeing her be kind again.

She eats breakfast with Kamilla and Bree, who wish her luck for PT and her first therapy appointment. When she checks her phone for the time, she finds a couple of messages from Paige, which immediately warms her chest.

Morning Tess 🫶 Sent you a lil gift for PT It’s prolly outside your door Be nice to Craig and your therapist

Confused, although she feels inexplicably touched, she slides on her shoes, grabs her crutches, and with a final goodbye to Kam and Bree, exits their apartment. She’s careful when opening and closing the door so she doesn’t damage whatever Paige has sent. A grin slowly spreads across her face when she sees that it’s a cup of coffee tucked into a Starbucks bag. She snags a quick picture of it before carefully leaning down to pick it up. She sends the photo to Paige, leaning against the wall.

so this is actually insane

Just looking out for the people who gotta deal with you No more cranky Tess

did you order yourself something too since you’re ‘dealing with me’

Yeah lol

The selfie comes quickly – a photo of Paige with her lips wrapped around a straw in a coffee cup. She’s throwing up a peace sign for the camera and her face has an obviously smug expression. Tess can’t help the slight flush she feels, so she opts for reacting to the photo with a thumbs-down emoji.

have i mentioned how insane you are

You could start by saying “Thanks for the coffee” or something like that Wait you can post it on your story I didn’t even think about that

i feel like this was your plan all along

It wasn’t Swear I did it out of the kindness of my heart

somehow you just made it even more unbelievable

Believe what you want I got you coffee Post it on your story, be nice to people, and call me later

so bossy

Learned from the best Talk to you soon 🤩

Tess rolls her eyes, but she can’t keep the stupid ass grin off of her face as she swaps over to Instagram and shares the picture to her story. She ponders the caption for an embarrassing amount of time before writing, ‘845 miles away but still sending shit to my door.’ She hits post and slides her phone back into her pocket before walking to the trainer’s office for her PT.

When she arrives, Craig greets her warmly and they get right into it. He takes her brace off and unwraps her knee. Then, he leads her through some of their typical knee exercises, pausing in between for a cooldown where she ices her knee as he explains what their new recovery timeline should look like. As long as she does what she needs to, she likely won’t need her crutches anymore after two and a half more weeks of good behavior. In a couple months, her PT will change course entirely. They’ll begin introducing hydrotherapy and strength building exercises. For the past few days, she’s been working on the range of motion ones, so she’ll end up alternating and mixing the two somewhere down the line. Come February, she should be cleared for full contact practice. If all goes well by March, she should be able to play in full just in time for the last few days of the tournament season.

PT wraps up and Craig rewraps her knee, tightening her brace around it and sending her off with a kind smile and words of encouragement for her therapy session. Given that the university’s counseling center was across campus and Tess was not fucking with that walk, Amaya made arrangements for the psychologist to meet Tess in the athletic facility since she’d be there already for PT. She checks her phone for the room number that Amaya sent her (dutifully ignoring the Instagram notification reading ‘Paige liked your story!’) and makes her way down the hall to the office room.

Tess opens the door to find a shorter woman shuffling papers around on a desk. She looks up as the basketball player walks in, immediately flashing a beaming smile and sticking her hand out for Tess to shake. “Hey! You must be Tess.”

Tess shifts her weight, shaking her hand and returning a quiet smile. The psychologist has wavy, chestnut brown hair and kind brown eyes that have been softened by the passage of time. The crow’s feet and laugh lines on her face provide Tess with a sense of security, reminding her of a distant aunt who used to liven up the room. “Guilty as charged.”

“I’m Dr. Flanigan, but Yvette is just fine. Please, have a seat.” Tess pulls out the chair, slowly lowering herself into it, cautious of her knee. Yvette motions to the adjacent chair. “Would you want to prop your leg up? It might be more comfortable for you that way.”

Tess hesitates, but the comforting expression on Yvette’s face has her worries washing away. “Sure, please,” she says, and the older woman nods as she adjusts the chair and helps lift Tess’s leg to the elevated position. Almost instantly, some of the tension leaves her body and Tess sighs in relief.

“Perfect,” Yvette says, mostly to herself. She takes a seat in her own chair and begins looking through a couple of papers. “So, I see you’ve had quite the month.” Her words aren’t judgmental, just humorous, and Tess can’t help her snicker.

“Something like that,” she agrees.

“But you’re here now,” Yvette muses, sliding a pair of glasses onto the bridge of her nose. “That’s the hard part, isn’t it? Opening yourself up to receive help, putting aside your pride for long enough to realize you need help. I’m proud that you’re taking these steps.”

“Didn’t have much of a choice,” Tess jokes.

“You did,” Yvette says gently. Her eyes sparkle. “Your team gave you an ultimatum, but you could have said no, right? But here you are. It’s early, but you’ve already made so much progress in terms of rehabilitation. Can you share what your mental state has been like since Wednesday?”

Tess pauses to think about her words. Yvette doesn’t push her. Tess releases a breath of air, shifting, before responding. “I’ve been kinda all over the place, I guess. I mean, it was a complete 180 – I showed up to the meeting hungover and by the end of the day, I’d done PT, cried a couple of times, but like, my mind was also clearer… in a way? When I was doing what I was doing, sure, I was conscious of my own destruction, but sitting in front of a bunch of other people and having them tell you that you’re destroying yourself was different. It put things into perspective. Then…around Thursday night, the urge to drink started hitting, so I spent the entire night eating ice cubes and losing my mind.” She glances at Yvette, whose head cocks. “Um, losing it figuratively. It was really hard but I don’t think I was actively crashing out.”

“Perhaps the feeling was more like a battle with yourself for control?” Yvette asks kindly.

Tess opens her mouth, puzzled, then closes it. Damn. Yvette is good at her job. “Exactly like that,” Tess admits. “My body wanted it, but I didn’t want it. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions – the pull was so strong. I sat for hours convincing myself that I knew what my body needed and not the other way around.”

“That’s a huge part of understanding and processing alcohol dependence,” the psychologist says. “The mentality. Treatment doesn’t always require medication – one of the most common ‘treatments’ is cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps people change unhelpful thinking patterns and reactions. A popular approach is what we call the recognize-avoid-cope method. Recognize your triggers, whether external or internal; avoid tempting situations, and cope with the triggers you can’t avoid.

“So, our two types of triggers – external and internal,” Yvette continues, and Tess listens to her every word. “External refers to your environment. Perhaps a person, place, thing, or time of day. You said your urge manifested at night time?” Tess nods. “For people who drank mostly at night, night time could be an external trigger. Your body gets used to drinking at this certain time, right? Internal triggers can be tricky. Many people struggle with identifying where they come from because they appear to come out of nowhere. However, these triggers can be set off by fleeting thoughts, responses to feelings. I believe in your case, an internal trigger could be a pain response from your knee, yes?”

Tess flushes. “I feel like you’re in my head,” she admits, drawing a laugh from Yvette. Some of the tension diffuses.

“Now that we know what to look for when we face that urge to drink, we can address it appropriately,” Yvette says. “It’s difficult to avoid internal triggers, so we just have to cope with them. Avoiding external triggers are more obvious. You may benefit from avoiding a bar or the liquor section in the grocery store, but you can’t avoid night time. This is where coping comes in. For you, chewing ice cubes was an effective distraction – perhaps one your dentist won’t agree with –” Tess chuckles, “– but it’s that idea that we want to work with. I struggled with alcohol dependence when I was your age. Meditation and yoga helped me out a lot, although those may not work for you considering your knee injury. The good thing is there’s a lot of healthy alternatives. Work on a hobby, talk to someone, take a hot shower – if it works for you and it’s not harmful, then it’s a good method! Remember, it’s all mental – if you feel the urge, challenge it. Find the error in your thinking and replace it. Remind yourself why you’re making this change to not drink. Ride it out. Urges are normal, but they’re temporary; they will pass.”

Yvette’s words leave Tess in a contemplative silence. Tess doesn’t think this first session was supposed to be anything revolutionary – Yvette literally just told her something she could have figured out from a Google search, but the psychologist's words just hit a little different. It’s similar to how she knew she was hurting herself after her injury but hearing it from Amaya, Diana, and Coach Staley rerouted the wiring in her brain.

Yvette gazes at her, calculating, before offering a small smile, like she understands that her words have hit home. She shuffles around her papers again. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to discuss your mental health history and your anxiety medication?”

That, Tess could answer without feeling like her world is going to flip upside down. She and Yvette discuss lighter topics for the remainder of their session, such as how long she’s been taking lexapro regularly, what it was like when she fell off schedule before and after her surgery, and previous psychiatric history. Yvette suggests other coping mechanisms for regulating her anxiety. Prior to the injury, Tess’s main source of relief was basketball; now, she has to figure out what else she could do with her life that doesn’t include sports.

Feeling as though a weight is lifted off her shoulders, Tess thanks Yvette for her time. Yvette sends her off with another gentle smile – and on her walk back to her apartment, Tess can’t help but feel like she’s on the right track.

Tess calls Paige later that day after she’s finally settled into bed. After some light stretches, she presses an ice pack to her knee as she waits for Paige to pick up her call. She doesn’t wait too long before the line clicks through and Paige’s face fills her screen. The blonde is laying in bed, her hair in a bun, presumably, but Tess’s eyes catch on the headset she wears and the familiar frame of glasses. She can see the reflection of the TV through her lenses and Tess raises a brow. “Bad time?” she asks, thinking Paige may be occupied.

“Nah, ‘course not,” she says. “Gimme a sec – I’ll hide in a bush.”

Tess laughs, hearing the slight clicking of a controller before Paige turns her attention to her fully. Tess didn’t grow up with siblings, but she did have many cousins with whom she was very close with – if there was one thing she learned, they rarely paused or stopped playing their games unless it was an emergency or their mother was yelling. “What are you playing?”

“Fortnite,” Paige admits shamelessly.

“So, she flirts like a twelve-year-old and plays games meant for one,” Tess muses.

Paige rolls her eyes. “Shut up, it’s fun. You play?”

“Nope,” Tess says. “Never got the appeal.”

“Dude,” the blonde says in near disbelief. “I got to put you on. Wait, do you even have a PS5?” 

“Do you think I do?” she asks. “I’ve done literally nothing but basketball for almost fifteen years.”

“Gotta fix that,” Paige sighs. “Buy one and hop on Fortnite with me. Boom, new hobby and I get a duo.” The blonde grins at her through the screen, excited at the prospect, and Tess finds herself more accepting of the thought the more she thinks about it. Tess opens Amazon, scrolling through the console options and accessories, and Paige notes her sudden silence. “Wait, are you actually gonna get one?”

Tess shrugs a shoulder, smiling slightly. “I mean, might as well, right? I do need a new hobby and I don’t have a lot of options.” She adds the console to her cart as well as a controller, not giving it a second thought before she’s checking out. “Should be here tomorrow.”

Paige pumps her arm in the air, cheering. Tess can’t help but grin at her excitement. “You won’t regret this. Trust. We’re gonna run Fortnite like the navy.” Tess rolls her eyes good-naturedly as Paige adjusts her phone, flashing another smile. “So, what’s up with you? How was PT and therapy?”

Tess hums. “PT was the same as always. Still a little early to tell, but Craig says if everything goes according to plan, I should hopefully be back in time for the last month of games. Thinking about playing again is literally the only thing keeping my head on straight, so I just have to get my shit together for, what, ten or eleven more months? Easy peasy.”

“You’ll be back on the court before you know it,” Paige says confidently. “Do what you gotta do, but don’t lie just so you can play earlier. Don’t fuck yourself up.”

“Careful, Paige – keep saying nice things and I’ll think you care about me.”

“In your dreams,” the blonde says with a smirk. “Just want you at 100% when we play y’all in March Madness. I won’t have as much fun if I gotta drop 30 on Kamilla instead of you.”

Tess rolls her eyes. “You’re so full of shit.”

“Sharks.”

“Shit.”

“Sharks!”

“Sharks – god dammit.”

Paige grins gleefully as they both dissolve into fits of laughter. As she calms, she can’t help but stare at Paige, at the way her face scrunches and the unfiltered joy that permeates her expression. Tess hates how she softens ever so slightly, how any conversation with Paige is enough to collapse the walls she spent so long building. Tess has always been a little caustic, perhaps blunt to a fault, too sarcastic and so uncomfortable in showing affection. But there’s something about Paige that rounds out those edges. She feels like she can be honest; although vulnerability is still a difficult task, she finds that stomaching the thought is a little easier when Paige smiles at her. “So, therapy?” the blonde repeats, her tone light but not pushing her.

Her words drag Tess out of her thoughts. She shakes her head, as if trying to break the thoughts apart. “It was…informative.”

“Yeah?” Paige asks, interested. When Tess looks back at her screen, she can see the slight furrow in Paige’s brow, the look of concentration. Tess averts her eyes, feeling her face burn.

She hums, gathering her thoughts. “Basically, I just have to rethink my approach to drinking. Like, recognizing triggers and either just avoiding or coping with them. I do think I have to find something other than the ice. I bit into a chunk weird earlier and almost cried cause I thought I broke my tooth.” Paige snorts. “Not funny.” She raises her hands, grinning, and Tess sighs. “Being emotionally vulnerable is exhausting. I wish I could go play basketball and ignore most of my feelings.”

“Well, not to mansplain, but–”

“I know, I can’t actually avoid them,” Tess grumbles. Paige laughs again, and the sound is infectious enough that Tess can’t help but smile. “It’s barely been a week but I feel like…okay again. Is that a weird thing to say?”

“Nah, I get it,” Paige says. “You will be okay, though. You just need to believe it.”

Tess nods, leaning back in her bed and picking mindlessly at a loose thread on her blanket. “I think I do. Like, it doesn’t feel like the end anymore. I know that I need to put in a lot of work, but at this point, it’s a new opportunity to compete, but against myself, right? I can do that.”

“You can,” Paige affirms. “And you will.” She speaks so casually, as if Tess’s recovery is something that is already gone and past. Like it’s more truth than manifestation. When Tess smiles, Paige adds in a softer voice, “I know you can.”

“...Thanks, Paige,” is all Tess can muster. She tries not to think about it too much – Paige is so close to being fully healed from her own ACL tear. She, more than anyone else in Tess’s life currently, knows what that process is like, how the mental anguish affects you, how debilitating the pain is most days. Paige knows what it’s like to survive that. The sheer confidence, the belief that Tess can survive it means more to her than Paige will probably ever know. “Your turn, though. How’s, uh, Storrs?”

Paige shoots her a scandalized look. “You say that like Columbia is any cooler.”

Tess laughs. “Well, it’s no Brooklyn – but you know damn well that UConn is the only reason why Storrs has any relevance.”

“I’m startin’ to wonder if there’s anything you like about me,” Paige grumbles.

“I like it when you’re quiet,” Tess says.

“You called me!”

“I like it when you say the sweetest things,” Tess continues, purposefully ignoring Paige. “Like when you say I’m full of sharks or when you said we were star-crossed lovers because Caitlin broke my ankles.”

Paige huffs, trying – and failing – to hide the frown on her face. “You should not be talking about other women when you’re on the phone with your girlfriend. That’s like, relationship rule number one.”

Tess stares at her before erupting into laughter despite the warm, foreign feeling in her stomach. “Are you jealous?”

Paige rolls her eyes, but she angles her phone so Tess can’t see the flush creeping up her neck. “Chill. I’m jus’ saying – wait until that lady from Bleacher Report hears that you’re steppin’ out on me.”

Tess can’t hide her amusement. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Paige seems to forget about her earlier words as she grins proudly. “Been told a time or two,” she chirps.

The South Carolinian guard shakes her head fondly. “Okay, for real. What’s new with you?”

Paige shrugs. “Nothing much, but me and the team’s getting together later tonight ‘cause everyone’s heading home for the summer at some point this week. I’m flying back to Minnesota Thursday morning. You goin’ home, or…?”

“Haven’t thought about it much, honestly,” Tess admits. “My mom called on Sunday and asked if I was, but I’m nervous about flying with the knee and I’d feel bad having my parents drive down twelve hours just to pick me up. I could easily do Zoom or some shit with my therapist, but I feel like I really need good and consistent PT, so I’m not sure if I’d want to leave Craig.”

Paige raises a brow. “You live in Brooklyn, right? That’s where the Liberty is. I saw Sabrina in your comments – you could see if she could get you in touch with their physio.”

Tess laughs, mostly out of shock and because of the absurdity of the offer. “Do you really think I could cold call Sabrina Ionescu and be like, ‘hey, my knee’s fucked, I was wondering if you could see if your team physio would be willing to take over my rehab while I’m home?’”

“Uh, yeah?” Paige says like it’s obvious, her face contorting in confusion. “Have you not been online? Anytime Sabrina’s asked about college athletes or the future of the W, she’s always gassing you up. She might be in love with you, lowkey.”

“You better not be bullshitting me,” Tess says, opening her browser and Googling as Paige huffs dramatically. “You think she’d leave her man for me?”

“Rule number two, Tess Alessandra,” Paige reminds her. “No seeing other people on the DL. And you thought I couldn’t handle it.”

Hundreds of articles appear on her screen. Tess feels something tighten in her chest, even as she jokingly retorts, “It’s Sabrina Ionescu – I couldn’t pass that up.” She opens the first article, eyes scanning the headline as it reads, “Sabrina Ionescu On Tess Kennedy: ‘The Perfect NCAA Shooting Guard.’” Tess’s eyes nearly bulge out of her head, her shock only growing the more she reads.

“D’you seriously not know?” Paige asks curiously.

“No,” Tess answers, and it was the truth. “I stay far away from most basketball reporting and social media. Draft discussions always make me nervous and people always look for a story where there isn’t one. I’m here to hoop, not for someone to debate whether or not I’m the second coming of basketball Jesus.” She reads more, feeling both pleasantly surprised but also touched by how many kind things Sabrina Ionescu had to say about her – it was one thing for her to reach out after her ACL tear, but it’s incredibly flattering to know that she’s had someone like Sabrina in her corner all this time and she never knew it. “Do you really think they could do that?” Tess asks again, referring to their physio situation. “Like, they’re in preseason right now. I feel like their physio needs to focus on making sure their team doesn’t tear their ACLs.”

She watches Paige shrug through the screen, a tender sort of smile on her face. “Doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Plus, I got Husky connections – I can get Stewie to put in a good word.”

“You need to chill, I’m being so for real right now,” Tess says, narrowing her eyes. “You do not need to talk to Stewie for me.”

Paige is quiet for a moment, as if fully grasping what Tess is saying. “I won’t if you don’t really want me to,” she says after a lot of contemplation. “Don’t wanna fight your battles for you, but you know…if I can help, just lemme know.”

“I appreciate that,” Tess says, her voice a lot softer. “I’ll think about it.”

The blonde grins again. “No pressure.”

“So, excited to see your family?”

Paige leans back against her headboard, her grin turning fond. “You have no idea. I feel like Drew grows so much while I’m gone. He’s my little brother. Or was. He’s like a medium brother now.”

Tess can’t help but laugh at Paige’s words. “Yeah? Was he the one who put you on Fortnite?” she teases.

“You act like I can’t make choices for myself,” Paige says indignantly. “I actually put him on.”

“You see how that’s like, worse, right?”

Paige glares at her dramatically, but Tess can easily see the amused smile on her face. “You’re a D1 hater. It’s insane.”

“Been told a time or two,” she says, mirroring Paige’s earlier words, and they both dissolve into fits of laughter. “Do you–”

She’s cut off by the sound of a knock at Paige’s door. The blonde pulls off one airpod, turning to look at whoever’s walking in. “Hey, Lili and I are going to the store to pick up some stuff for tonight – you wanna come?” Tess is unable to place the voice, which doesn’t surprise her, but she watches the hesitation flash across Paige’s face. “Ohhh, are you on the phone with your lady friend?”

“Lady friend is crazy work,” Paige grumbles, which causes Tess to laugh. Paige glances at her screen again, as if studying Tess’s face for a reaction.

“Go hang out with your friends,” she tells her, knowing Paige is the only one who can hear. “Don’t let them think I’m the obsessive girlfriend who doesn’t let you hang out with other people.”

“If the shoe fits,” the blonde teases. Tess rolls her eyes at Paige’s smirk and she feels something simultaneously soften and break apart inside of her. That’s an issue to face another day. “I’ll text you later, okay? Make good choices.”

“Always,” Tess says innocently. Paige’s smirk melts into something more tender before she bids Tess one last goodbye and ends the FaceTime call. Tess exhales, staring at her phone screen, where her and Paige’s earlier text conversation remains. It all feels a little fast, but she can’t deny that she feels so incredibly comfortable with Paige. Sure, she and Paige bicker a lot, but she knows it’s all in good fun and she enjoys their banter and how Paige keeps her guessing. It’s the same way she is on the basketball court, but Tess recognizes something different in their little game: Paige’s slight acquiesce, the natural pauses in any of their conversations where Paige seems like she’s seeing Tess in a different way, understanding her in a way that’s beyond surface level. 

It’s a double edged sword. Being known is terrifying. From a basketball perspective, the understanding that comes with knowing your opponent’s every move manifests in quick interceptions, knowing how to guard them on their favorite wing. On a personal level, being known opens you up to those same vulnerabilities. By now, she knows Paige better than that and she trusts that Paige wouldn't go out of her way to hurt her, but it’s hard to escape the thought that by letting Paige into her life and under her skin, she’s effectively arming her with her insecurities and shortcomings.

But at the same time, she’s letting Paige in, and it’s new and scary because nobody outside of Kamilla has ever wanted to look further. Tess has probably curated that issue herself — she keeps her teammates close enough that they’re privy to only 75% of her; that last 25%, each and every ugly thought or feeling or trait she’s ever had is kept so far away from them and Tess herself. Now, between her knee, her therapy and PT, and the whole situation of having to be Paige’s fake girlfriend, she’s suddenly faced with having to show someone a lot more than 75%. And it’s fucking frightening because Paige is getting to know Tess at her worst; although she doesn’t exactly have the option to run, she’s trying to be closer to Tess despite it all. Tess has spent so much of her life being afraid of the day the mirror would shatter and she would have to face the parts of herself she didn’t like. Knowing that she’s still here now, learning to love the girl in between the fractures, and that Paige has a heart big enough to not be offended by the scrapes and the nicks and the lacerations that come with handling something sharp and broken, fills her with an amalgamation of feelings. She’s hopeful, but she’s fearful and hesitant; she’s confused but so incredibly grateful. 

So, she takes Paige’s advice and reaches out to Sabrina on Instagram. Tess isn’t alone in this. Between her teammates, her friends, her trainers and coaches and mentors, and now the women in the league, there’s so many people in her life that want to help her succeed if only they’d let her. Sabrina’s response comes 15 minutes later — she’d actually been in the trainer’s office getting her wrist checked out when she got her text. Sabrina said their head athletic trainer, Theresa, would be more than happy to take over her her PT while she’s back in Brooklyn, but obviously they would have to work around the Liberty’s game schedule. They would still be able to upkeep Tess’s three times a week requirement, and honestly, that was good enough for her.

Sabrina’s next message came in after Tess said her thank-you’s, reading:

No problem at all! Super proud of your progress and I can’t wait to see you on the court again. Let me know whenever you’re cleared, I would love to shoot around with you sometime

She decides she’d text Paige later, maybe let her know she was right if she felt like listening to her endless gloating. But she smiles as she texts her mom, telling her that she’s got another trainer lined up if she and her dad would be able to make the drive down to South Carolina. 

We’ll be there about noon tomorrow to pick you up, piccola, no drive is too far

Then, feeling both hopeful and excited, she texts Amaya to let her know she’s going home for the summer but that she’ll maintain her PT and therapy sessions, to which Amaya responds with a simple thumbs up emoji that makes Tess immediately regret her thoughtful message. She lets Kamilla and Bree know she’s going and they remind her they’re both a call away if she needs anything. Tess packs most of her things before settling back into bed to relax. 

She texts Paige later that night, shortly after midnight when she should have been well in bed, but she was struggling to sleep. Her thoughts were racing, but they were more positive than anything. She was excited to see her parents; she hadn’t really talked to them since her surgery. They had a lot to catch up on. She was anticipating the arrival of her Playstation, feeling unnaturally stoked to play Fortnite of all things, though a smaller part of her that she was slowly coming around to knew she just enjoyed her time with Paige, anyway. Unable to sleep, she writes:

you can say i told you so now the liberty’s trainer will take over my PT

I told you so Does this mean you won’t be gaming with me?

ill see if i can fit you into my schedule me and sabrina are super tight now 🤞

Don’t play with me.

don’t worry paigey you’re still my one and only

Better be Have a safe drive tomorrow 🫶

Tess sends back a single heart emoji, putting her phone on its charger and staring up at the ceiling. After a beat, a slow smile spreads across her face, and she can't help but think that she's making the right decision by letting Paige in.

[lillaydee]

Head Over Heels Part 8

Jackson!Joel / Reader

Special Guest Appearance by a Certain FBI Agent who may or may not look a lot like Joel.

You left the loneliness of your home and headed to Jackson with Joel and the teenage girl he was with, hoping your new life would be less lonely. You should've stayed alone.

WARNING:

Non-canon Compliant, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Loneliness, Trauma.

MEGA WARNING: Descriptions of Attempted Sexual Assault.

@copperhalfcent @joelalorian @vickie5446 @peelieblue @nandan11 @liciafonseca @senoratess @denisanoemi @lovefreylove @heartpatch

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 7

---

For someone who had been told all his adult life he was a good looking man, Joel Miller sure didn’t have a lot of luck with women. The first girl he had a crush on only became friends with him to get to Tommy. He lost his virginity under the bleachers of his high school to Missy Angelo, only to find out she had only done it to win a bet with her friends. His first actual girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend, and his college girlfriend was a ‘I wanna wait until marriage’ kind of girl, who loved to torture him with aggressive make out sessions before leaving him high and dry with some excuse or other after she had her needs filled.

It was after one of those make out sessions that he met Jen. He was horny, and she was just dumped. It was the perfect opportunity.

When she came to him with the news that she was pregnant, Joel’s world turned upside down. The girlfriend left, telling everyone he cheated on her. It was later revealed that she had been cheating on him all along. She didn’t really want him, just the reputation of being the girlfriend of the hottest guy in college. It made her very popular.

Jen, on the other hand, was not interested in him at all. He was the son of a small time carpenter from a small town. She was the daughter of a heart surgeon, whose manicures cost 50 dollars weekly, even way back then. The fact that she was still not over her married doctor boyfriend didn’t help either. So she kept Joel handy until she gave birth, leaving the daughter she didn’t want with him.

After Sarah was born, Joel found out the hard way that women were not interested in a poor single dad who had to drop out of college to support his daughter with a low income. As Sarah grew every single second, he focused his life on her. She became all he ever thought about.

There was one woman, Elsa, who stuck around for two years. He was a bit more stable then. His business was doing alright. He was making okay money. She was nice to Sarah. He actually thought he had found the one. He asked her to move in with him, but one week after moving in, her true colours showed. She kept suggesting ways to get rid of Sarah. Boarding school, living with grandma, leaving her at home while they vacation, the likes. The complaints became endless. He spoiled Sarah too much. He paid too much attention on Sarah. He spent way too much of his free time, not to mention money on Sarah. His weekends were all about Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.

When he came home just in time to see her slap Sarah for accidentally machine washing a silk camisole, he threw her out. No more women for him. He lived his life as a single father and made peace with it, and that was that.

And then the outbreak happened. Sarah died. He didn’t, albeit not for the lack of trying. He focused on keeping Tommy safe, doing whatever he could to survive, gaining his reputation. What the heck. Not like there was a little girl he had to set an example for anymore.

That’s when he met Tess. She was a hardened woman, a police officer in her past life. She had to shoot her husband and only child when they turned on outbreak day. Joel and Tommy followed her around, doing her bidding.

Soon enough, their partnership turned sexual. But both of them were not interested in a romantic dalliance. Just business and sex. They didn’t even live together. It worked perfectly. She gave the orders, he did her bidding. They would have their romp at the end of a successful business deal and go home to their own apartments. Same thing tomorrow.

Enough years passed, and he grew to care about her. You couldn’t possibly save each other’s lives that many times and not care about each other. But he was Joel Miller. He was the guy who pulled off people’s teeth one by one, and later graduated to cutting someone’s fingers off for information. Heck, he cut off someone’s legs while they screamed for their life just because they sold him short once. People like him didn’t have the space for romance. You don’t cut someone’s ears off and then come home to a candle lit dinner and romantic love-making by the fire. Maybe if you were the head of the mafia when the world was normal, but not in this fungus-riddled world.

Women had always hurt him. And being hurt like that in a world like this? No. Not worth the risk. This world took the one person he would die for from him, and he wasn’t going to let his guard down, he wasn’t going to let it win. And he couldn’t chance the possibility that someone would get back at him through his lady. So, no missus for him. Just the one woman he answered to and slept with every now and again. That’s all. That’ll have to do.

He cared for her. Full stop. He loved her, of course, in the ‘hey-I’ve-known-you-for-years-and-you-saved-my-life-more-times-than-I-can-count’ way, but romantic love? Nah. And he knew she felt the same way about him too. At least, she did, in the beginning.

He knew she had fallen for him. She told him. He was honest, that he didn’t feel the same way, but he cared deeply about her. She took it well, telling him that if he ever changed his mind, she’ll be right there. Until then, business as usual.

He looked out for her. Beat up anyone who crossed her, and if anyone so much as laid a hand on her, that’ll be their life. So when she came to him telling him she had been having conversations with a man who lived just outside of the city and they could potentially help each other out, he went with her. He was not happy, but he went with her.

The moment he entered the vicinity, his hair stood on ends. He could feel something here. Something or someone was hiding here. He didn’t understand it but kept the peace anyway. For Tess. So he sat through the lunches and the endless conversations to make her happy. It’s good for business, she told him.

He and Bill were cut from the same cloth, it seemed. Neither liked nor trusted the other, eyes on each other at all times. It was because of this that Joel could feel someone was watching him and Tess. It was exactly the kind of thing he would do if the situation was reversed. He could feel this person.

But for some reason, he didn’t feel threatened. Wary, perhaps, but safe, all the same. Comforted, even. Which was ironic, seeing as he would’ve made sure this person was armed to the teeth if he was in Bill’s place, and he was pretty sure this person was.

That feeling he felt got stronger the more often they visited. And one day, a year in, you jumped from the tree house right next to him, on his right side, where his bad ear was. He didn’t see you coming, couldn't hear you.

He fell head over heels because of you.

When you took the camo blanket off and he saw you for the first time, Joel felt naked. Vulnerable. Exposed. It was as if you could see through him, although he very much doubted it. But he knew. He knew you were the reason he was feeling those things he felt. A prickling of something creeping all over his body. Even when he couldn’t see you, he felt you.

It was electric. That was it. That was the feeling.

Joel had to look away. In those few seconds he saw your face, he thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. He felt as if he knew you. Like he’d met you before. That was impossible, obviously, but he just couldn’t shake that feeling off. It flustered him. He had to look away, lest you turned him to stone.

On the way back home that day, Tess couldn’t stop talking about you. He wanted to tell her to shut up. He didn’t want to think about you. You scared him. What was this he was feeling? He had never felt like that before. And her talking about you endlessly was making it hard for him to get you out of his head.

He tried to talk her out of going the next time, even suggested she bring Tommy instead. She refused. Bill would never do business with them again if she did that. So he relented, going over time and time again, trying his hardest to stay away from you. He stole a look every now and again, his heart beats easing every time he saw your smiling face as you talked to the woman he slept with occasionally.

He lost his resolve once, thinking no one was watching. He was watching you water your garden while Tess was inside with Frank. He studied the way you moved, the way your hair blew in the wind. He caught a whiff of your shampoo once as you walked past him and he swore he almost passed out from his desperation to just bury his nose in your hair. He sat there on Bill and Frank’s porch, hoping the wind would blow some of your scent towards him so he could get that whiff one more time.

“You touch her, I’ll kill you.”

He had been so lost in his mind watching you, wondering what it would feel like to have you in his arms, he didn’t notice Bill watching him from his window.

“She’s special, Joel. She’s not for men like us. She’s beautiful, kind, funny, smart, soft, not one for a brute, a savage. She can fight, take care of herself, I sure would like to see a man take advantage of her just to see her finish them off with three of those delicate fingers, but she’s the closest thing I have to a sister, and I would die before I see her end up with someone like you.”

Joel walked away, snapped out of his day dreaming.

Bill was right, of course. What would someone like you want with someone like him? Sure, he’s sure you had killed before. Everyone had in this world, but he would bet his own limbs that you would never torture someone for information. You would never kill someone just because. He knew you wouldn’t.

He knew you were far to good for someone like him.

But that didn’t mean that he could just forget about you. He stayed further away after that, keeping his yearning for you hidden. Your name was always on his mind. Your smile, although never directed at him, was haunting his dreams. So he took to carving your name into pieces of wood he could find, just to have something with your name on it with him. Something he could hold on to. Maybe held before he went to sleep at night.

He kept up the habit, until one day, he managed to carve an entire piece of wood in cursive, ending up with a 3D printing of your name. He hid it in a box he kept his most precious belongings in, looking at it every single night, running his fingers over it again and again until he fell asleep, your name in his hold, placed over his chest.

He woke up one day to Tess studying it. He must’ve let go of it in his sleep.

“It’s really pretty,” she said. “You should tie a string to it, she could use it as a keychain.”

Her expression was unreadable, but she busied herself looking for a string to do just that. Joel watched as Tess tied a piece of black string on the curved E that your name began with, and pocketed it, telling him they had to leave for your place soon.

He watched as Tess presented the keychain to you. The way your face lit up made his heart expand. He longed to feel like that every day. The fact that something he created made you smile like that made him float on air. He wanted to make you happy.

Ever since that day, Tess would tell him about the things you wished you had. A movie, a book, anything. And the next time he went scavenging, he would make a point to look for those things for you. And every single time, you would jump and hug Tess with a squeal. Oh, how he wished to be at the receiving end of those hugs.

When Christmas time came, Tess would tell him about the things she planned to gift to Bill and Frank, subtly suggesting he should make you something. He didn’t pay her any heed at first, but she insisted, reminding him again and again of the next time they were headed to you, make her something Joel. They’ve been nice to us. I have gifts for Bill and Frank sorted. Make her something.

So he did. A bracelet, at first, with a letter spelling out your name carved onto each of the dices the bracelet was made of. He made you a matching necklace the next year. But only when Tess insisted. He always watched from afar as Tess presented them to you.

He and Bill may not get along, but he respected the man. He was never going to act on his feelings for you. He would never disrespect Bill like that. Plus, if your actions were any indication, he was sure you didn’t think of him that way. You hardly ever looked at him.

He had to visit alone once, Tess wasn’t feeling well, but he went anyway as they had an important item they needed to get. He snagged his foot on a root as he was running from a lone clicker, managing to kill it before it got to him. But his ankle was swollen. So swollen Frank insisted he stayed to rest it, radioing Tess to let her know of his delayed return. The man wasn’t looking his best himself, feeling tired all the time.

When he woke up the next day, his ankle felt a lot better, having been iced and bandaged well the night before. Never an idle man, he asked Bill if there was something he could do to help, seeing as Bill was busying himself taking care of a sick Frank. Bill asked him to help you in the vegetable garden, reminding him that he had his eyes on him.

So he helped you, stealing looks at you every chance he got, if only to capture your face with his mind. Every now and again, Bill would make his presence known at the window, a gun in his hands. Joel could only sigh and kept on doing his work, reminding himself that Bill was right about him. So he carried on, for years, carving alphabets of your name on little dices to replace the ones that broke, watching and yearning for you from afar, never acting on his crush on you, knowing that someone like him didn’t deserve someone like you.

That wasn’t the only reason, though. There was the fact that he was with Tess, sort of. She was the woman in his life. And try as he might, he couldn’t feel about her the way he felt about you. If he could choose to feel differently, he would. But he couldn’t. If she knew about this hopelessness he felt every time he thought of you, she didn’t make it known to him. As the years went by, their sexual relationship lessened, and he didn’t fight it. She told him it was age, she was getting on, maybe not in the mood as much. Other than that, their relationship remained the same. Still, he was ‘with’ her. The woman meant a lot to him, and he would never hurt her like that. Not on purpose. He was a one woman man, and the woman in his life was Tess.

That day Tess got bit, she quietly told him to take Ellie to your place. Take her to Bill and Frank’s. Go to Elena. Do this for me, Joel. Go to Elena. Take care of them, take care of Ellie. Take care of Elena. She looked at him then, her eyes pleading, sad, meaningful. In that instant, Joel realized something.

She knew. She had always known. And yet, she said nothing.

She gave him a teary smile, telling him to take this chance. Go to her, Joel. Be happy.

When he was hesitant, she launched into a rant about how she had never asked him for anything. Not even to feel the way she felt about him, so please, do this for her. The horde of infecteds were swarming the door, and he had no choice but to pull Ellie out with him, his heart heavy with the reality of it all.

As he watched the building burn, all he could think of was how much he had let her down. She knew. She knew he was in love with you. And she never said anything. The guilt of it all weighted him down. It was all he could think about. Tess, the woman who had been by his side for almost 20 years, the one who had saved his life more times than he could count, the one who gave him stability in this fucked up world, died knowing that he was in love with someone else.

So when you were on the road with him, he had to keep reminding himself that he had hurt the woman who was his partner all these years by loving you. And to remind himself that he was not the man for you, the savage that he was.

You didn’t make it easy, though. You were easy to like, and for someone who had been yearning as long as he had, it was a struggle to even look at you. He told himself to tough it out, he shouldn’t do this. Out of respect for Tess, for Bill. But every time you were asleep, he couldn’t help but take the opportunity to caress your soft cheeks, touch your hair, taking a deep breath to stop himself from doing more. Stolen looks, touches were enough. They would have to do.

He tried to at least be friendly with you. Engaging in small talks, but the more he tried, the clearer it became to him that in your mind, he hated you. He wanted to prove otherwise, but every time you were in danger, he found himself screaming at you. He couldn’t tell you the truth – that he was terrified something horrendous was going to happen to you. He couldn’t take it. Even the thought of it made him want to die.

He was aware you were affected by his actions. He could see you beginning to withdraw from him, spoke less to him, but every time he wanted to do something to reverse his actions, he was reminded of the hurt he had caused Tess. So he kept quiet.

When you got to Jackson that first time, he found out Tommy knew about his feelings for you. It was evident, apparently. According to Tommy, every time Tess mentioned your name, his face softened. Every single time. And that was exactly why he could never ever be with you. Out of respect for Tess. Tommy told him how stupid that was, that all Tess would’ve wanted was for him to be happy. No, Joel said. Never.

And still, despite his harsh treatment towards you, you saved his life. He saw you sit by him all that time, saw how worried you looked, how exhausted you were. One time, you covered his body with yours, trying to keep him warm. And even in his semi-conscious state, his body reacted, putting his arms around your body, caressing those soft cheeks and hair, still wanting to fill his need to touch you.

When you were knocked unconscious, he placed you on the mattress, knowing he had to go get Ellie. He knew you would want him to. He held your face in his bloody hands before he left, placing his forehead on yours, kissing you on the forehead, whispering he would come back for you, barricading the doors to the house as best as he could in his condition to make sure you would be okay. Safe. Until he got back to you.

He didn’t anticipate how long it would take to get to Ellie, and how weak both of them would be on the return journey.

That pile of burnt bodies he and Ellie came across turned his insides cold, more so than the winter. It wasn't an uncommon sight - people kill infecteds and burnt the carcass, just in case.

And then he saw the body, a few feet away from the rest, badly burnt. The body of a woman.

With your scarf and blanket by its feet and pack.

He felt as if his world shattered. He felt alone. Everyone important to him was gone, save for Ellie. He didn’t even know if Tommy was alive - things could have happened after he left Jackson. His body just ceased to function. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t sleep. His mind kept seeing the burnt body he buried. Your burnt body. He wept for you. He left you there alone. Injured, vulnerable. This was his fault. He did this. He was the reason you died. Were you out looking for him and Ellie? Did you suffer? Did the men do unthinkable things to you before they killed you? Did your beautiful eyes search for him, hoping he would come rescue you? Did you call out for him?

All he could think of was how much he regretted the fact that Tess died knowing that he was in love with someone else, and you died thinking he hated you, that he had left you to die.

He fell asleep one night after downing an entire bottle of whiskey. Sarah came to him that night, telling him she was alright, that she was happy, that she met Tess, and that she was happy with her husband and son. Nothing that happened was your fault, Dad. You need to go on, Dad, for Ellie. You don’t see it right now, but you will. You need to go on. Make things right.

He woke up feeling as if he could breathe again. So he did, only to be startled to see you, alive and well, but distant with him, outright telling him how aware you were he didn’t want you there. What you must have thought of him, he thought. But you were back, he had the chance to make things right, and he will. He promised himself that he would make it all right. Once you were all safe, he would explain everything.

But the domesticity he felt with you when you got back to Jackson scared the living shit out of him. All the women he’d ever had a romantic connection with in his life had betrayed him, one way or another. That, or they died. Tess died. And suddenly, as he was watching you serve eggs and toast on his first day of work, he couldn’t help but think.

What if you died, for real this time? What if he let himself be free with you, and you died? How was he going to survive? And he had Ellie to think about now. He almost let her down when he thought you had died. He gave up. What if he didn’t come back from that? What would’ve happened to Ellie? He couldn’t risk that happening again. Yes, Jackson was safe. But was it really? He still slept on his right, wanting to hear anything that might go bump in the night. He didn’t feel safe. Bad things could still happen to you. To Ellie.

So he pulled back. Just so that he didn’t fall too quickly. He needed more time. Just until he felt it was safer for him to tell you how he felt. Until then, he would settle for watching you sleep, going back to his habit of caressing your cheeks and hair, whispering good night to you.

You woke up one night and decided to put a latch on your door, thinking that the door he didn’t manage to shut well was broken. He tried. He tried to find you at the greenhouse, usually in time with Vanessa going for her shift. The woman, for some reason, thought he was there to walk her to work. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to push her away, not when Tommy and Maria continuously begged him to be less grumpy, to blend in, to be nice to the townsfolk. But you seemed to pull away from him further every time he tried to spend time with you.

Tommy told him to move on, go on dates, but he couldn’t. He knew the men in town would snatch you up the moment he did, and he couldn’t risk that. But weeks went by and he couldn’t find you anywhere. Every time he knocked on your door there was no answer. You were never at the greenhouse. He searched for you, desperate to find you, but his own busy schedule got in the way. And after what he said to Tommy about never being with you, he couldn't find it in himself to tell Tommy the truth, although Tommy seemed to read his mind just fine.

Tommy finally wore him down, and he agreed to go to Betty’s birthday party with Esther. He made sure he would be as undesirable as he could be, just so she would stop pestering Tommy for a date with him. She had befriended him under the guise of needing repairs in her house, but when she tried to kiss him before he left, he stayed away from her. The plan for the date seemed to work, she was absolutely disgusted by him when she saw how filthy he was but put on a good face when they got to the hall. He left her to go after you, returning home when he lost you. He stayed up nights waiting for you to come home just so he could see you, talk to you, but his tired body betrayed him, and he fell asleep before you came home. When he woke up, you were either gone or still asleep, you door firmly shut.

After his nephew was born, he had been trying to make it all up to you. You knew some of the reasons for his behaviour now, and he wanted you to know how much you meant to him. No more hiding. But you were hesitant to move back in with him and Ellie. Still, you were talking to him again, allowing him the privilege of walking you to and from work, even joking around with him these days, making his heart soar.

And here he was, after all that, standing in the hall as you said the name of the man who came in with your brothers the night before. The name he had heard Tess mention. A man you had a connection with those first couple of weeks after the outbreak, the man you never stopped thinking about.

As you and the man you couldn’t forget all these years later hugged, tears in your eyes, Joel felt his heart drop. Heck, even Ellie looked nervous.

“You know that grovelling I suggested?” Liv’s voice whispered as he stood there like a rock, cold realisation seeping through his body, “You’re gonna have to up the efforts. If that’s who I think it is, you’ve got competition, buddy.”

Fuck.

---

Part 9

[lilahardell]

FIRST LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS THE BEST LOVE

Hyunjin x reader

Part 9-Just a little longer? please..

Please read other parts before this🤍

Long time skip

(Sorry I wanna end it fast)

NO ONE POV-

As Hyunjin and Y/n's friendship progressed with Hyunjin randomly calling in the middle of the night and them yapping for hours before yeonjun finally tells them to shut up and sleep.Yup. Moments like these were more often then Y/n and Hyunjin liked but we're they stopping it? Not at all, infact they both so badly wanted to see each other's face again,to hear each other's voices and talk about random things together...

She sees Hyunjin outside her house,as she was putting on shoes, she finally gets out,locking the door walking to him with a smile "hi handsome"

As Hyunjin chuckles replying "Well hello to you too sweetheart" as they both laugh a little, she asks "where's yeji and Tess? I thought they were coming?" Hyunjin replies with a slight awkward look "uhm yeah they ditched us, apparently yeji had to go to the movies and Tess wanted to do shopping..although I saw them going together. Wait now that I think about it" he says with a slight surprised look as Y/n also gives a surprised but knowing smirk "no way... I fucking knew it. There's no way those girls ditched me so many times for the *washroom*"she says with a realizing face as both of them talk about yeji and Tess being suspicious,they get going in Hyunjins car to go to the amusement park.

Y/N’s POV

“You suck at this.”

Hyunjin gasped dramatically, placing a hand over his chest. “Excuse me? I’ll have you know I am a pro at claw machines.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, arms crossed as she watched him fail for the fifth time in a row. “Uh-huh. Is that why you still haven’t gotten the teddy bear you swore you’d get for me?”

Hyunjin clenched his jaw, focusing harder on the small plush trapped behind the glass. He maneuvered the joystick carefully, eyes narrowed like his entire life depended on it.

Y/N bit back a smile. It was kind of cute seeing him like this.

Not that she’d tell him that.

“Alright,” Hyunjin muttered under his breath. “This is it.”

The claw dropped. Gripped the bear. Lifted—

And then—

It slipped. Again.

Y/N burst into laughter as Hyunjin groaned, throwing his head back. “Are you kidding me?”

“I told you,” she teased, nudging him. “You suck.”

He turned to her, eyes narrowing. “Oh, you think you can do better?”

“Obviously.”

Hyunjin smirked. “Alright, then, show me, pro.” He stepped aside, gesturing dramatically to the joystick.

Y/N stepped up confidently, inserting a coin. She maneuvered the joystick, barely thinking about it as she pressed the button.

The claw dropped. Gripped the bear. Lifted—

And stayed.

Hyunjin’s jaw dropped as the plush made it all the way to the chute.

Y/N bent down, pulling it out triumphantly. “And that’s how it’s done.”

Hyunjin scoffed, staring at her in disbelief. “You cheated.”

She grinned, hugging the teddy bear to her chest. “Nope. I’m just naturally gifted.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but there was something soft in the way he looked at her.

Before she could question it, he reached out and ruffled her hair, messing it up completely.

“Hey!” she yelped, swatting his hand away.

Hyunjin only laughed, walking away. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat.”

Y/N huffed, fixing her hair as she followed after him.

She hated how easy it was with him.

How natural it felt.

Like she could stay by his side forever.

And maybe she wanted to.

But was she supposed to feel this?  Wasn't Felix her only love? Her first love? And first love never fades apparently?....

TIME SKIP

“Alright, I should probably go—”

“No.”

Y/N blinked, turning to Hyunjin, who sat lazily beside her on the park bench, his legs stretched out in front of him. The sun had already begun to set, casting golden streaks across the sky, but she had been with him for hours now. They had walked around, grabbed some snacks, and just talked—something that had become surprisingly easy between them.

But now, she was getting up to leave, and apparently, that wasn’t in his plan.

“No?” she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Hyunjin sighed dramatically, tilting his head back. “I mean… do you really have to go?, just a little longer please?"he says with heart eyes

She narrowed her eyes. “Are you keeping me hostage?”

“Maybe,” he smirked, sitting up straighter. “I just think you should stay a little longer. You wouldn’t want to leave me lonely, would you?”

Y/N scoffed, crossing her arms. “You? Lonely? You’re literally the most popular guy in school.”

“Yeah, but I only like one person’s company right now.” His eyes met hers, something teasing but genuine hidden beneath them.

Y/N felt her heart do an annoying little flip.

She rolled her eyes, looking away. “Nice try. But I really do have to go.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” He suddenly stood up, stepping in front of her. “At least let me drive you home.”

“I can go myself"

Hyunjin gasped dramatically, placing a hand on his chest. “And risk something happening to you? I could never live with myself.”

Y/N gave him a look. “Hyunjin, your apartment is too far to drop and then go back home, it's gonna take 10 mins from mine, I can walk"

“Exactly. Too much could happen in ten minutes, I'm not letting u walk alone at night too.”

“You’re so annoying.”

“I know,” he grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets. “But you love it.”

She did. And that was the problem.

---

The drop home took way longer than ten minutes.

Because Hyunjin kept finding ways to slow them down.

First, it was stopping at a small street vendor to buy ice cream.

“You can’t say no,” he had told her, holding out a cup. “Consider it my payment for making you stay longer.”

Then, it was making her sit in the resting car  to “rest.”

“For what?” she had questioned, laughing.

“I don’t know. Existing is exhausting,” he shrugged, smirking. “Especially for you. You think too much.”

Then, when they were finally right outside her apartment building, he had the audacity to sigh and say, “Well, I guess this is it.”

Y/N gave him a deadpan look. “What are you, a soldier going off to war?”

“I mean, we are about to separate for a whole night,” he said, pouting slightly. “That’s tragic, don’t you think?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “You’re so dramatic.”

Hyunjin tilted his head, grinning. “And you love it.”

Y/N didn’t deny it this time.

Instead, she rolled her eyes with a soft smile. “Goodnight, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but stopped himself. He exhaled, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

She turned, heading inside, but as soon as the door closed behind her—

Ping.

She pulled out her phone.

Hyunjin: Goodnight, dummy.

She blinked at the screen, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

He really was annoying.

But she didn’t mind. Not one bit.

---

Hyunjin’s POV

As soon as she disappeared behind the door, he felt it.

The emptiness. The ache.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he leaned against a nearby streetlight.

God, he was so fucked.

She had smiled at him. Laughed with him. Let him drag her around the city just to spend a little more time together. And now she was gone, and he hated it.

Before he could even stop himself, his fingers were already typing.

Hyunjin: Goodnight, dummy.

He shoved his phone back in his pocket immediately after sending it, shaking his head at himself.

What the hell was he doing?

He shouldn’t be feeling like this. He shouldn’t be missing her like this.

But he did.

And the worst part?

Tomorrow, he was just going to want to see her all over again.

He smiles brightly seeing her reply to the text "go home idiot"

Gosh. He's screwed blushing like a little teenage girl...

y'all I give short chapters then feel bad for it and boom. Next chapter took me too long to care about other things. Its my friends birthday today, couldn't meet him or give him a gift though I will when I see him. Sweet guy (love him y'all) and I'm so confused on what to do with the fanfic, I wanna end it in about 5-6 more chapters and idk what to write 😭😭 pleaze give suggestions and thanks for reading I love you guyss MWAHHHH🤍🩷

[bullet-prooflove]

Finally someone that writes for Jack Dayton! can you do smth fluffy with -Sun on your skin, 6 am And I been watchin' you sleep?

Sending hugs!

Tagging: @soultrysworld @kmc1989 @livingonthehems @tess-love @mandy426 @readmetosleep @foxfabled

It’s 6am and Jack should already be on a plane to Zurich. Instead he’s laying naked next to you, watching you sleep as the sunlight filters through from the open window of his  apartment. You look so peaceful in that moment, relaxed, serene. It’s a far cry from the wanton goddess you were last night, the one that needed him to get a little rough, for him to fuck her like he hated her.

Something happened yesterday, he knows it did.

You’d dropped off the radar for twelve hours and then you’d turned up at his door, practically taking off your clothes in the hallway. You hadn’t even made it to the couch, he’d ended up fucking you on the floor, the rug searing across his knees as you guided his palm to your throat, tightening his fingers with your own.

“Choke me.” You’d whispered. “Please, I need…”

There’s a desperation in your voice, a rawness that resonates through him. You don’t use this tone, ever and that’s when he knows, he knows that somethings wrong.

“Jack please…” He kisses you then, his thumb caressing the underside of your jaw before he begins to exert pressure. Your breath catches and he can feel the relief surging through you as your hips arch up to meet his.

It doesn’t take you long to get there, Jack neither because there’s something so filthy about wanting him so badly you barely make it to the other side of the door. When you come you take him with you, your nails raking across his back so hard he knows he’ll feel the sting in the shower tomorrow.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks as he lies beside you on the floor in the aftermath.

“I’m tired.” You say quietly, your eyes fluttering closed and he concedes because it’s clear you aren’t ready to disclose what’s going on with you and Jack, he knows not to push, no matter how much he wants to.

He carries you to bed instead, your body cradled close against his like you are the most precious thing on this earth. He drapes you in one of his t-shirts, tucking the sheets around you before he puts your phone on charge on the nightstand.  You fall asleep almost immediately, curling up into a ball, burying your face in the quilt and if that isn’t an indicator something’s wrong in your world, he doesn’t know what is because you, you sleep like a starfish, draped cross him, stretched out across the mattress.

“I need you to reschedule Zurich.” He tells his assistant before he settles in alongside you. “There’s something much more important I need to take care of here.”

Love Jack? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[writerslittlelibrary]

I don't wanna lose you

picture credits: @akutlou

masterlist

summary: ever since a smuggler got the job to smuggle you across the country to a group called the fireflies, you started to realise how much family you could have if only you let people in (Abby isn't a Firefly so she never kills Joel)

pairing: Abby Anderson x fem reader

warnings: guns, clickers, talk of death, weed, murder? idk it's an apocalypse fic 

genre: fluff, angst

words: 2834

a/n: This is basically just reader being Ellie. If you read my other tlou x mcu fic, some parts may be a bit the same, but I promise this story is different :)

I've decided to make this an au, so that I can write future Abby x reader with the same backstory. besides, I enjoy connecting fics 

You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work

 |——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Joel wasn't very happy when he learned he would be smuggling a fifteen year old girl across the country. However, the pay couldn't be denied, and his partner, Tess, wanted to get paid.

After taking on the job, and after losing Tess, Joel soon realised the girl he was smuggling was slowly healing him. He hated it. He hated the feeling of erasing his daughter. Of replacing her. And so, he pushed the girl away. He pretended as though he hated her, never starting an actual conversation and pretending to hate her talking.

The truth, however, was quite different. What Joel hated the most, was the fact that this new girl was making him fearful. Making him scared of losing another daughter. Making him fear the fact that he may not be able to protect this girl, that he may fail her, just like he failed his daughter. 

After some time, the girl grew on him. He started openly enjoying her conversation, and her endless talking. He started receiving her hugs, and enjoying the warm feeling that seemed to heal his wounds on the inside.

But then, both Joel and the girl arrived at the hospital. 

The destination you both fought so hard to get to. This was all that Joel was supposed to do. Drop you off with the Fireflies, and get the hell out of there. 

Yet, when it was time, he couldn't. What would you do after travelling across the entire country with a girl? Travelling for almost an entire year? Could you give her up? 

One thing was certain. Joel couldn't, and he wouldn't.

Killing the entire hospital had been easy. He had the motivation to save you, and that was all that he needed. Killing the people that were trying to hurt you was easy. You needed to survive, and he would make sure you did.

The lying was what was difficult. 

Joel lied to you. He promised you that there was no cure, that you weren't of any use to them. You believed him. Or rather, you wanted to believe him. Somewhere, deep down, you knew the truth. You knew Joel was lying, but you didn't let him know. You wanted to believe him, and so you did. 

Now things were different. You had gone back to Jackson. Together with Joel you decided that living with Tommy would be best, so you went back. 

Things were good. You were good. You like hanging out with the other kids around Jackson, and you liked having family. You enjoyed how Tommy, Maria and Joel all cared for you. They were the only ones that knew your secret, and they were your family now. 

You had never experienced something like this before. You had never had any family, and now you suddenly had a whole town. 

However, after about a year, things went bad.

You ran away from Jackson, stealing your horse from the stables and returning to the Firefly hospital. You needed to know the truth. You need to be sure. You knew Joel was lying, but you needed proof.

After finding it, you had gotten mad. Joel had lied to you, actually lied to you. 

Joel had come to look for you, taking a horse as well and following you. He knew where you would go, and when he did find you, you forced him to tell you the truth. He did, and after doing so, you broke down. 

You weren't mad that Joel saved your life. You weren't mad that there was no cure. If there was a possibility of a cure being made, you knew a group like the Fireflies shouldn't be the ones to possess it. They would use it for bad things. They would manipulate people and use the cure as a way of making other people do their bidding. 

No. You were mad that Joel lied. 

The truth was something you could handle, but the fact that the most important person in your life lied about something so big, something so important. That was what pissed you off. 

However, it didn't take long before you forgave Joel.

You might have been mad, but you weren't unreasonable. You loved Joel, and you knew he loved you. Why else would he have killed almost the entirety of the Fireflies?

Now you lived with him, or at least, in his garage. He lived in the house, and he had helped you turn the garage into a livable room. He helped you decorate it, and together with Tommy he dragged the couch and the bed in. 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

Today you went out on patrol. Jesse assigned you and Dina to check out the creek trails. You had never done that route before, so you followed along as Dina showed you everything you needed to know about this route. 

“So what's going on between you and Jesse?” you asked Dina as you two rode along the creek trails, shielding your face slightly due to the snow.

“That's what you wanna talk about?!” Dina replied smugly, to which you shrugged.

“I dunno. It seemed kinda awkward this morning,” you continued, and you heard Dina chuckle a bit. 

“I don't know if I'm still into Jesse. I mean, his parents are nice, but me and him were just on autopilot. I'm not sure I liked that,” Dina explained, pulling her horse to a stop.

“We should check out these houses. Infected roam through this area once in a while,” Dina said, getting off her horse and reaching for her gun. 

You followed her example, getting off your horse and grabbing your gun. After making sure it was loaded, you entered the first house, Dina following closely. 

“So what are you doing tonight?” Dina asked after deeming the house was clear. 

“I was gonna watch a movie with Joel, why?” you responded, checking a few of the drawers in hope of there being supplies.

“Some kids were talking about sneaking out to go sledding. I thought maybe you'd wanna join.”

You chuckled. “Sounds fun, but maybe another time,” you said as you walked back to your horse. 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

After riding for about another hour, you arrived at a supermarket. It was clear there were infected inside, and you were on patrol after all. 

After clearing the building you went back outside, but soon realised the storm had heavily picked up. You ran to your horse and followed Dina as she guided you to another look-out. You could rest there and wait out the storm. 

You and Dina got settled after finding the weed downstairs. 

You knew Eugene was a funny guy, but never had you expected this. You and Dina decided to smoke one of the joints while waiting, but were soon interrupted when Jesse ran into the room.

“What are you doing here?!” Jesse asked in surprise. “You're supposed to be on patrol,” he finished unimpressed.

“There's a blizzard outside…?” you replied in confusion.

“Why aren't you at the fucking look-out?” Dina asked Jesse, who got a look on his face that you did not appreciate. 

“Because Tommy and Joel didn't show up!” 

“What…?” you asked hurriedly, suddenly very alert. The weed cleared quickly from your system. The relaxing effects immediately leaving after hearing what Jesse said.

“What do you mean they didn't show up?” 

“We waited for them for an hour,” Jesse explains. 

“How much of their region have you covered?” you asked quickly, putting your jacket back on and grabbing your backpack. 

“We don't know what's out there. I don't like you riding solo,” Jesse quickly replied, which you interrupted.

“Exactly. What if they need help?”

Jesse sighed. “Okay, I will come from the east, Dina you come from west, and you come from south but be smart about it,” he told you.

You nodded and quickly made your way towards the exit.

------------------------------------------------------------- 

It only took you a few hours before you found Joel. Him and Tommy were waiting out the storm at a mansion only a few hours' ride from Jackson. They were there with another group. 

Apparently, Tommy and Joel had been caught off guard by a group infected. While they were running away from them, they ran into a girl. They helped her while she was being attacked by some runners, killing them and helping her run.

After they got locked into the look-out while the infected were trying to break the doors down, the girl, Abby, had told them about the mansion she and her friends were staying in.

Tommy and Joel brought Abby there, and they were allowed to wait out the storm with them. 

However, you didn't know that yet. and so, you went around the house, climbing over a fence and making your way inside quickly. 

You had your gun raised as you heard chatter coming from a room inside the house. You carefully checked each room, making sure you didn't miss anything or anyone as you tried to find the source of the chatter. 

You then arrived in something that looked like the living room. There was a fire going and you could feel the heat from the room

You could also hear a lot of chatter, which quickly made you realise that whoever these people were, they were with a lot. You raised your gun, loading it while entering the room. However, what you saw wasn't exactly what you expected. 

Joel was there, and he was chatting with Tommy and the other people in the room.

“Joel?!” you asked out of relief, walking further into the room.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Joel asked surprised, getting up from his seat and embracing you in his arms when you went to hug him.

“You guys never showed up at the look-out. I thought you fucking died,” you replied, hitting him on the arm. 

Joel chuckled. “I'm not gonna die. The storm caught us off guard, and the look-out was swarmed with infected. We just needed another place to wait out the storm,” he explained. 

“Let's hope Jesse and Dina find us soon, and let's hope they didn't run into the herd that you tried avoiding,” you sighed in annoyance, allowing Joel to push your shoulders. 

“I gotta get Shimmer. I left her outside,” you explained, and Joel nodded.

“Go to the front, we'll open the gate for ya,” Tommy said as he got up. Another guy got up as well, and he followed Tommy to the gate. 

------------------------------------------------------------- 

After getting Shimmer inside and everything being settled, you sat down next to Joel, Tommy sitting on the other side of you. 

“So who are you?” asked one of the guys from the group. He looked to be Spanish, and he couldn't have been older than 25. 

“I'm y/n,” you replied. “What about you?” 

The guy, Manny, introduced himself and the others, telling you they came from Seattle and were just passing through. After talking with the group for a while, Jesse and Dina found you as well. That’s when you returned to Jackson.

The snow storm had mostly calmed down, and with that the possibility came to safely return to Jackson. 

You returned to Jackson, followed by the group that you met in the mansion. Tommy offered them to stock up before their return to Seattle, and they had gratefully accepted. 

After returning to Jackson, you were quick to get back to your room. The day had wrecked you, and you were physically and emotionally broken. You didn't mind that the group would leave when you would be asleep, but you had the feeling one girl did. You didn't miss the many times she looked you up and down, almost as if she was checking you out. 

You couldn't care less, though. She would be leaving for Seattle soon anyway.

The next morning she was gone, and you went on about your life. You watched that movie with Joel, and you went on your patrol with Dina and Jesse. Everything seemed to have gone back to normal, until she showed up.

------------------------------------------------------------- 

It had been a few months since the run in with the Seattle group, and you had been sticking closer to Joel than you ever had before. When he went on patrols, you went with him. It even went as far as sleeping in the house with him. You were terrified of losing him and you didn't want to leave him, even for a moment. 

Joel couldn't deny how much he enjoyed you sticking close to him. He as well was once afraid of losing you. After telling you the truth Joel was afraid he had lost you, And when he realised he hadn't, he wanted to be around you as much as possible as well.

He gladly took you in, cooking dinner for the two of you for when you returned from either your patrols or hanging out with Jesse and Dina. 

He enjoyed you openly loving him again. 

Of course, you had never stopped loving him, but you did stop showing it at some point. Now you were back to openly showing it again, hanging out around Joel as much as possible. 

Everything was back to normal in Jackson, until she showed up.

You remembered her name was Abby, and the guy she was with was Manny. They were with the Seattle crew, and now they were here. 

They weren't travelling alone, however. You were quick to spot the little boy hiding behind Abby.

They were let in quickly. Jackson was known for its hospitality, and neither Tommy nor Maria would ever let anyone stand outside of the gates, especially not someone they had met before. 

You were quick to be at the gate, welcoming Abby and Manny inside while you tried to get a good look at the little boy. You hadn't seen him before, and by his body language you could tell he was afraid. 

It didn't make much sense to you that they would show up here in Jackson. They had told you about their own settlement. How they had lived there for many years and how it was their home. Yet now, they were here, miles away from the place they claimed was their home. 

After following Maria and Tommy, who got the people inside quickly, you helped with preparing a meal for them. 

You served it, and they ate quickly, clearly not having eaten a lot in the past few weeks, maybe even months. 

After they ate, Abby explained what had happened, and why they had come to Jackson. Apparently, their group, the Wolves, were at war with another group, the Scars, or Seraphites, as the little boy corrected. The rest of their crew got taken out by said Seraphites, and while Abby was travelling to see her friend, Owen, she ran into two Scars.

They helped her, saved her life, and in turn she saved theirs. 

Apparently, Lev, the little boy, had a sister, who had broken her arm. Abby helped her, and together with Mel, who you remembered was in the Seattle crew, they removed her arm, saving Yara from compartment syndrome. 

However, when Lev had gone back to the island of the Seraphites to talk to his mother, Yara and Abby had gone after him, which eventually resulted in Yara's death.

The leader of the Wolves, Isaac, wanted to kill Lev, and he was prepared to kill Abby as well if she didn't get out of the way. Abby had protected Lev, and after Isaac was shot Abby and Lev made their way away from the island. 

They had run into Manny, and after Abby explained what happened, they had decided to go back to Jackson, hoping to find shelter there. 

The little boy was a Seraphite, and because Abby protected him, she was seen as a traitor to her own people. However, she didn't mind. Lev was her people now, and she would do anything to protect him. It reminded you of Joel and yourself, and after hearing their story, you wanted to help.

Abby, Manny and Lev were given a house in Jackson, and they were each given tasks in which they could help out. They weren't required to do anything while they were still settling in, but if they wanted to help, they could.

Seeing as though you had been in Jackson quite some time, and you had connections with Tommy and Maria, you were assigned to help them out a bit. Show them how things work around Jackson, and help them settle in. It was to be assumed they would need some time to adjust, but you were pleasantly surprised when they seemed to be settling in quite well.

You had started taking a liking to Abby, however. She was strong and beautiful, kind and funny. You liked her, and you were pretty sure she liked you too.

a/n: part one of this au is done, yippie! I wasn’t sure how to end this, so enjoy the sloppy, terrible ending. I promise to do better by part two :)

Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @n0txn3vee @lorsstar1st

[j0elmill3r]

isn’t it lovely?

Pairing/s: Ellie Williams x Miller!Reader, Joel Miller x Daughter!Reader, Tess Servopoulos x Daughter!Reader (Brief)

Request: Ellie x Miller reader ANGSTTTTT lol

Ellie finds out that the reader lied to her about what happened with the fireflies and ignores her? Just like Joel, but instead of Joel going golfing the reader does, or maybe they both I don’t know lol THANKS🫰

Summary: Ellie regrets being so cold and harsh towards you after finding out the truth about what happened at St Mary's Hospital.

CW: Angst, heart break, character death, Abby's golf skills are incredible

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: Here we go, another fic were Miller reader goes golfing!

My Masterlist

You knew why Ellie wasn't talking to you - You had lied to her, betraying the trust that was crucial in your relationship; You had a feeling you deserved it, but you did what you did to protect her, to save your at the time 'best friend'.

You panted as you ran through the hospital, clutching your gun tightly as your feet smacked off of the linoleum flooring, the flashing red lights illuminating the halls of St Mary's hospital. Following the trail of bodies left by your dad, you made your way up to the room where they were operating on your best friend, deciding to take the backdoor, you nudged it open, just as your dad did at the door opposite you.

"Unhook her." Your dad demanded, aiming his gun at the surgeon in front of him. You looked over, noticing Ellie lying on the operating table, various machines beeping beside her, all sorts of wires coming in and out of her.

"No, I won't let you take her," The surgeon said to your father. No. You couldn't let this happen, you wouldn't let them take away your best friend, not today, not ever. Acting quickly, you shot the two nurses standing beside you in the chests, swiftly jumping to your feet from your crouching position. The surgeon had no time to react before you fired a shell into his head - Joel looked over at you, you couldn't tell if he was scared of you, or for you.

"Dad," Joel hugged you wordlessly, placing his chin on the crown of your head for a minute before turning to Ellie. "What do we do now?" You looked up at him, fear evident in your eyes. Joel sighed, looking at Ellie and then at you.

"We leave, go back to Jackson and stay with Tommy," You nodded, however, you couldn't ignore the feeling of guilt which bubbled in your stomach - the emotion was obviously clear on your face, since you could make out from the little light provided in the room. "We tell her that there were other's like her, okay? Now come on, we need to move. You shoot if you have to, understand?" You mulled the thought over and nodded, you hoped that you'd never crack if Ellie asked you - As bad as it sounded, some memory loss at this moment in time didn't actually sound too bad. It didn't make sense, you had come all this way for nothing - You watched your mother die for nothing, watched as Sam and Henry both died, been through the whole David situation with Ellie, had that all been in vain?

Sighing, you followed your dad - Just as you knew that you always would.

"Ellie, come on," You followed your girlfriend as she grabbed her stuff from your room, shoving it into her backpack harshly. She had found out about the hospital and what you and Joel had done. "I don't know what you want me to say, Els." She huffed, stopping shoving things into her bag as she stared you down.

"You lied to me, Y/N. You fucking lied to me," She spat. You looked away from you, unable to meet her harsh gaze, which you ultimately knew you were deserving of. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you, or your dad. I don't wanna talk to you for the time being, understood?" You nodded, tears filling your eyes as you looked away from her.

"Okay," Your voice broke as you spoke, still unable to watch as Ellie made her way out of your room. "I love you." You told her, your heart breaking as she just walked away wordlessly. You sighed in acceptance, realising that you had fucked up majorly this time. You watched through your window, making sure that Ellie got away safely.

In the days after, you noticed Ellie getting closer with her friend Dina, who you knew had recently broken up with her boyfriend, Jesse. Dina was gorgeous, and you saw the way that Ellie looked at her, she used to look at you the same way. But you and Ellie hadn't officially broken up, and you knew that Ellie wouldn't cheat on you, right? Maybe, not so right - Joel had dragged you to the small gathering in the church, which unbeknownst to him, Jesse, Ellie and Dina were attending.

"Dad, this is so stupid, I'm fine," You tried to convince him, furrowing your eyebrows and pouting as your dad chuckled.

"You haven't left the house in 4 days, you needed air and to talk to other people," Joel smiled, trying to get you to reciprocate the gesture - It however, didn't happen, since you were focused on the fact that Ellie and Dina were now locking lips - Thanks to Ellie's initiation.

So, this was why she had been ignoring you for the past 4 days. She had been planning her relationship with Dina? Your mind spiralled, had she been with Dina the whole time? Were you the other girl? Did she ever actually love you? Your stomach dropped, your heart cracking in two as the two girls pulled apart, you put your drink down on the table beside your dad, Joel looking over and realising what had upset you so much. "Baby girl." He called out for you, watching as you left the church. Ellie and Dina looked over to the doors which you stormed out of, and then looked over to Joel as he came over to them.

Joel loved Ellie as if she were one of his own - but you were his baby girl, and he couldn't stand by and let Ellie get away with hurting you like that.

"What?" Ellie asked him, her tone as if she were offended by Joel's very presence. Joel scoffed and raised his eyebrows at the girls audacity.

"Seriously? You do this to Y/N and you have the audacity to act like this? I know that you're not happy with her, but you never broke up with Y/N," Joel seethed. Dina excused herself and made her way back over to Jesse, who walked away from her - their relationship, similar to yours and Ellie's, had barely ended, and now she was here kissing Ellie. "I thought you were better than that." This time it was Ellie who scoffed, shaking her head at Joel.

"Really? That's really fucking ironic, Joel, since all you and Y/N did was lie to me for 5 years. I thought you were better than that," She spat. Joel sighed, he thought Ellie was being too harsh on you. You were still a child at the time, you just wanted to do good by your best friend and your father, you did what you did to protect Ellie just as he did - But he would take all of Ellie's anger towards you and take it himself, he would do it to see you happy with her again, but after this, he was unsure if he would be able to see you happy again. Joel shook his head and walked away from Ellie, saying goodbye to Tommy and Maria, and that you and him would see Tommy tomorrow for your patrol.

You grunted as you were thrown to the floor, your dad and uncle Tommy forced into the same position as you. The room was cold and dark, illuminated only by the soft white glow of the falling snow outside - You looked up at the girl in front of you, she couldn't have been much older than you were, but she was taller, more muscular. She looked down at you, anger in her eyes as she met yours but quickly looked away, making her way over to your dad, who sat by the window, a torniquet around his leg.

"Joel Miller," She seethed, crouching down in front of Joel.

Oh.

Oh, fuck. You knew this girl - She was in the hospital when you rescued Ellie, you heard her crying out for your father when you were clearing out the floor for supplies, which you had insisted on doing since you were the smallest and quietest, meaning you were less likely to get caught - Her dad was the surgeon you had killed. Your breathing picked up as you saw her pick up a golf club and inspect it, looking at it and then at your dad.

"Stop! I know why you're doing this," You called out, all eyes turning to you. "I killed your father in that hospital, not my dad." You told her. Joel's heart stopped - Were you trying to get yourself killed?

"Get her over here, get him down there." Abby demanded. You struggled and grunted as you were picked up by two strong men.

"Don't you fucking touch her!" Joel yelled out as he was held down, watching as you were punched in the face, near enough knocking you out. Heaving, Abby turned to Joel, looking down at him with the same golf club still in your hands. "I'll kill you if you lay a fucking hand on her, you hear?!"

"You don't get to rush this, old man," She said through gritted teeth, watching as Joel struggled in vain. He watched in trepidation, his heart pounding against his chest, the dull ache in his temple becoming stronger and stronger. He watched as Abby let out a grunt, swinging the golf club down onto your head, cracking it open with a sickening thud.

"No!" Joel cried out, watching as the spray of your blood stained the window behind you and you fell to the ground, groaning quietly. "I'll fucking kill you! I promise!" Joel threatened her, watching as she continuously kicked you in the stomach, then in the head to add insult to the crack in your skull.

Ellie followed the sound of Joel's screaming and threats down the stairs, gently opening the door - Her heart stopping at the sight in front of her. You lay on the ground, your head and face in a pool of your own blood, a woman standing in front of you holding a golf club which Ellie assumed she had used to crack your skull open.

"Y/N?!" She cried out, not caring about the others in the room. Abby turned to look at Ellie, and then looked at her crew.

"Pin her down," She instructed them, turning back to you as you lay on the floor, able to make out the form of Ellie, even as she struggled, you weakly smiled, your shallow breathing being the only sign of your fading life.

"No! Y/N!" Ellie cried out for you. "Y/N, please get up!" She begged, over and over she begged for your life to be spared, just as your father did before Ellie's arrival. "Please, please don't do this." Ellie pleaded with Abby, hoping that the girl would have a last minute change of heart.

But Ellie's hopes were crushed as she watched Abby raise the golf club above her head, and strike it down onto your head, delivering a fatal blow to your skull.

"No!" Ellie and Joel cried out at the same time, both noticing your blood dripping from the golf club. Abby tossed the golf club aside with a huff, sparing a glance at your sobbing father and friend as they made threats to end her life. Tired of what she assumed to be empty threats, she had Owen knock the two out so the group could move out and head off away from the scene, leaving you on the floor to continue bleeding out.

Ellie rubbed her eyes as she lay the flowers down at your headstone, guilt flooding her as she sat down cross-legged in front of your grave. Since your small funeral, Ellie had gone to see you once every day, the first day was when she forgave you for lying to her - She now realised that you were still a kid then, just as she was, you just wanted your dads approval so did whatever he thought was best. She also apologised for the ordeal at the party, but guilt constantly gnawed at her, she hoped that you hadn't died thinking that she didn't love you - Ellie loved you so much, but she was just so angry that it blinded her.

Despite her daily visits, Ellie couldn't find the words to speak to you - She also couldn't face Joel, but no one had seen or heard from him in the days since your death, his grief had consumed him entirely. At least there was one thing that could comfort Joel, that you were back with your mom.

Joel Miller Tag list - Want to join? Fill out this form! (If your name does not appear and you’ve filled out the form, please message and let me know!)

[@mrvlxgrl] [@white-wolf-buckaroo] [@change-the-world-someday] [@mand1ora] [@sleepylunarwolf] [@kobiiblog] [@rrickgrrimes8] [@wxnderingthoughts] [@mimi-luvzyu] [@mookiepookie-blog] [@tracysnook]  [@pauphs]  [@thefragmented] [@hufflepuffriver] [@miareadsbooks] [@moonwayne] [@auggiesolovey] [@whoviannorah] [@space-xplosion][@howlerwolfmax] [@guacala] [@delicatedinosaurperson] [@bergarasunsolved] [@sammy-13] [@t-stark35] [@ilovereadingfanfics-blog] [@twkobii] [@homeslices] [@d4rno] [@hummusxx] [@mariasabana] [@peachydokii]  [@eternallyvenus] [@voidliam] [@sunnystarxo] [@amberputh] [@namgification] [@sunnysidesadie] [@wisecolornight]

[4urvalidation]

A CASE OF LIMERENCE | Chapter Four

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: I literally cannot explain just how much joy writing this brings me 🥺 This chapter especially! Making all these little social media posts and messages is taxing but so so fun! Hope y'all will enjoy this as much as I did writing/making it ❤🥰

TW: underage drinking, mild sexual content

Two weeks pass by in a blink of an eye and Leni could be exaggerating - after all her arrival here was nothing short of a disaster - but meeting Sarah’s friends has somehow made everything ten times better. Getting to know them is quite possibly the best thing that has ever happened to her. And no - she is most certainly not being dramatic despite what her mother has told her in the past couple of days. 

Rose and Wheezie are still nowhere to be found or heard from. 

And so is Rafe. 

Well, that’s not true - according to Polly he was last seen shopping for groceries. He had his airpods jammed in his ears and seemed to be very deep in thought. She tried approaching him, but got shy all of a sudden. Tess likes to think that despite everything she has said so far, Polly did in fact approach him, but he didn’t recognize her so now she’s both embarrassed and humiliated. 

“Whatchu thinking?” JJ’s breath on her skin tickles. She turns to look at him and their faces are barely inches apart. “Cause I’m thinking we should grab the rest of this to-go and head back to the beach. This dude on TikTok said there’s gonna be some killer waves this afternoon and I really wanna ride ‘em all.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Same.”

John B and Pope say almost in union and JJ takes this as a sign to go on ahead and holler at Kiara who is standing on the complete opposite side of the restaurant and very clearly working. 

“Kie! Hey! We’re leaving!” She squints her eyes in their direction, her hands full of dirty empty dishes. “Ready to hit your first wave today Berlin?” He then turns to Leni - his smile as bright as the sun shining right above him and she’s about to return the enthusiasm when she suddenly remembers: she already has plans.

“Sure, but… I… forgot I made plans.” Her smile is a sour one; she feels like such a traitor whenever something stupid like this comes up and she has to ditch her brand new friends in order to sit in hell with her old ones. 

“Tess and Polly?” Sarah says from across the table, her face matching Leni’s now wavering smile. 

 “Yeah… I’ve already cancelled on them twice-”

“Well you know what they say, third time’s a-”

“I can’t do it again, Jayj. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“You don’t want me to drop you off a block or something away from the Club?” JJ’s voice tears Leni’s gaze away from the conversation she,Tess and Poly had the previous day. Sometimes, she doesn’t even know why she still bothers. Do they even like her? “Leni?” He calls out for her and when she finally looks at him, the corner of JJ’s lips are spread into a wide grin, but not even the wildest of eyebrow wiggles are able to hide the very obvious concern in his voice. 

Leni shakes her head, “What? No. That’s stupid. You can just park over there and I’ll be on my way.” 

Relief colors his entire face just then and yeah - he is cute. She lets her gaze linger on him for a second longer; contemplating whether she should reward him for driving her with a small kiss on the cheek, but something changes her mind. 

They hug goodbye - quickly with the tiniest bit of reservation from her part and then, as if zero awkwardness occurred she leaves JJ’s car. 

“Finally.” It’s the first thing Tess says to her when she approaches their table. Much like last time, their coffees are almost finished and when the waiter comes to take their second order, Polly gleefully orders an entire pitcher of mimosas. 

The drinks come in and Leni doesn’t say yes when a very full glass is placed right in front of  her. 

But then again, she doesn’t say no either. 

Tess and Polly begin informing her on all the brand new gossip they’ve learned in the past couple of days: Kelce has started seeing Phoebe - a girl Leni for some reason is supposed to know because of a falling out she and Tess had during Midsummers ages ago. Topper - for the millionth time - considered dropping out of Duke to become a pro-surfer, but his evil mom allegedly threatened to cut him off so he’s still going back to school in the fall. 

“And I’m planning this year’s Midsummers!” Polly exclaims happily.

“Oh my god, Polly, that's amazing!” Leni says at the same time Tess mumbles harshly, “And how exactly is that going for you?” 

The smile almost instantly disappears from Polly’s face. “There’s no need for you to be a bitch Tess. It’s not my fault the order got fucked up, okay?” And then, as if none of this ever happened, she’s back to her happy, giddy self. “You’re coming right?” 

“Yeah, of course. It’s this weekend, right?” 

Tess snorts. “It was supposed to, but someone’s order got fucked so it’s been pushed to next Friday.” 

“Oh.” 

Oh. 

Next Friday it’s Leni’s birthday. 

Well - technically it’s on Saturday, but since she was born on the first stroke of midnight, her parents created this tradition of sorts where they celebrate it on the night before. This way Leni gets to welcome her birthday with those that mean to her the most. And although somewhat close, Tess and Polly aren’t exactly the first people she wants to turn nineteen with. 

“Have you decided what you’re gonna wear?” She asks the girls and that’s all it takes for the two to forget the argument they had mere seconds ago. Instantly they pull out their phones; their wish lists filled with cute flowy dresses that perfectly match the event’s theme. None have made their final choice yet and when Leni reveals that she too still hasn’t picked her outfit, they are more than happy to take Tess’ dad’s boat so they can do a little shopping on the mainland.

“Holy shit!?” Polly yelps out of nowhere, “Sofia’s in Tampa?”

“What? Let me see that.” Tess practically yanks the phone out of her hand and now Leni is sitting there, silently watching as they goggle over the Instagram story of someone she’s never heard of. “What the fuck Polly? You follow her?”

“Only through my burner!”

Tess grabs her own phone just then, types furiously and presses the brightly lit screen straight into Polly’s exasperated face, “Then why the fuck is your main our only mutual!? (“It was an accident!”) You literal psycho!”

“Uhm, guys…” Leni’s voice barely manages to push through yet another one of their hushed arguments. “Who… who’s Sofia?” 

“Oh, she’s this girl from The Cut, Rafe used to fuck around with.” Tess says. 

“They weren’t fucking around! She was literally his girlfriend! (“His girlfriend?”) Yes, his girlfriend! Like -”

“No. No. That’s not true. I literally asked him. Last fall, remember? Topper’s Halloween party? You were too busy hooking up with Ellis Carter (“Ew Polly, you hooked up with Ellis Carter?”) I literally said the same thing Leni. Anyways, while you were too busy sucking Ellis’ greasy dick, I was asking Rafe about his little yacht girlie. And do you know what he said to me? (“No! I was too busy sucking Ellis’ greasy dick!”) He said no way, no chance, not even in a million years! “

“Tess! They were dating. Like-” Just then, Polly slides her phone to Leni, desperate to get someone on her side. “Look!” Without wasting a second, Leni begins scrolling through Sofia’s profile. Not because she’s super interested in what Rafe’s alleged ex might look like or in the photos she posts of herself or of him or of the two of them together…

After what feels like ages, Leni finally gives Polly her phone back, “She’s pretty.” The words force themselves out of her mouth, but barely get registered by either of her friends. Tess and Polly are yet in another hushed argument, but unlike the one before, this doesn’t seem like it’s going to be resolved any time soon. 

Silently, Leni stares back at Polly’s phone, particularly at the photo from Sofia’s Instagram that she last opened. She stares at it until the screen goes black. Until the chatter in the table right next to theirs goes silent and all she can hear is Rafe’s name being chanted in whispers. 

Like a manifestation of her wildest desires, Rafe Cameron strolls in and Leni could simply be imagining it, but suddenly the whole place becomes unnervingly quiet. As if his presence had taken everyone’s breath away.

Or that may just be Leni. 

“My god he’s hot.” Polly’s dreamy sigh brings her back to earth. 

“I can’t believe you fucked him.” Leni’s voice feels rough against her throat. Sandpapery almost. 

“I can’t believe it either.” 

She tries her best not to stare in his direction, but it’s virtually impossible - he’s sat himself directly in her eye line, making it rather difficult to look at anything but him. By this time, Tess and Polly have completely made up; their little arguments long forgotten and probably never to be mentioned again, until one of them does something stupid like hook up with yucky Ellis Carter. 

Or Topper. Polly orders a much needed second round of mimosas and soon enough, they’re back on track. This time they’re talking about Ruthie - the girlfriend Topper sporadically cheats on with Tess. But only when Tess feels like it. After all, Ruthie is her friend - kinda - and the last thing she wants to do is hurt her feelings. “Or god forbid break them up.”

Leni stares at her suddenly lit up screen. 

News? 

What kind of news?

She doesn’t like the way her heart reacts when she presses that send button. 

Tess calls her name, grabbing her attention for a brief moment, but then her screen lights up again and none of it matters, “I’m sorry what?” Gingerly holding the phone in her hands, she asks her friend to repeat what she just said, but it’s pointless. Tess’ mouth is moving, but the words are blocked by the sound of Leni’s incredibly loud heart beat.

Leni swallows. 

Almost instantly, her gaze flies in his direction, hoping to catch him red handed or something, but he’s already raced her to it. Those deep, haunting blue eyes are fixed on her with such intensity, Leni is convinced he can see right through her. And because the thought is racing through her mind, she almost immediately looks away - if their gazes don’t meet he won’t be able to see the breath catching in her throat.

She can feel his molten gaze bear holes in her entire body as she does her best to type the rest of the message without her hands shaking. Once finished, Leni tries to steal a glance at him; catch him in the act per say, but once again he’s one step ahead of her.

The only difference this time is the way his eyebrows quirk upwards when she reads the text and looks back at him. Something about that subtle gesture sends Leni’s nerves flying; she no longer feels unnerved about this entire exchange, but rather… irritated. 

But then again, what was she really expecting him to say?

Rose was right. 

He is relentless. 

Who knows what he did to get a hold of her number and really - does it even matter? As long as he never finds out where she is staying Leni is going to be alright. And about that of his number, well, she can always block him.

As a matter of fact, she can block him right.now.  

(She doesn’t.)

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

[ghostfanwriter]

𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 Part four 🧰💖

← Previous

💖 Pairing: Joel Miller x Virgin!Fem!Reader

🧰 Setting: Lincoln. Reader is Bill and Frank's daughter.

💖 Synopsys: Joel wakes you up with the news that he's leaving. And you have a hard time accepting that he's gonna okay outside by himself.

🧰 Features: Tiny little bit of touching, kissing and teasing at the beginning, but no smut for this one. Reader and Joel mention their past. Sarah is mentioned.

💖 Word Count: Around 7.5k.

🧰 About This: This one is scary for me for having no smut. So be nice to it, okay? Hopefully we learn a bit more about them and their relationship along the way.

💖 Author's Note: It took me forever (again) but it's yours 🩷

Angel.

The pet name never made more sense to him than right now.

Joel stands by your bedroom door, watching you sleep as the still soft moonlight entering your windows gently lightens your features. He smiles seeing the peaceful expression on your face — a rare sight nowadays.

He locks your door and carefully walks close to you, sitting on the edge of your bed and watching your body rise and fall with your soft and calm breathing.

He leans down over you, caging your body under his torso. He fixes your hair, pressing a sweet kiss on your temple and rubbing his nose affectionately on yours. You moan frustrated and furrow your brows, upset that someone's waking you up.

"Shh, it's just me, angel." He whispers gently, and you snuggle closer to him, smiling before even opening your eyes, his voice enough of a reassurance for you to look for his body.

He lays down by your side, opening his arms, pulling you into his embrace. When your head touches his chest he wraps his arms around you, hugging you tight.

"Morning, baby." He whispers, rubbing his nose on top of your head, your face buried on his chest, smelling his scent.

You moan lazily in response, wrapping your arms around him.

"Did you sleep well?" He asks, caressing your hair. You nod and hum in response, throwing your leg over his hips, giving him a full body hug, wanting to be as close as you can.

"Better if you were with me."

"Hmm, I know, baby, wish I could stay. Would sleep so well with you like this." He agrees, hugging you tighter and caressing your thigh.

"You got me real tired, though, slept like a baby." You add, and he hums, laughing softly, just holding you in silence for a bit.

When he feels your body softening under him and hears a low snoring, he squeezes your sides softly until you wake up, laughing.

"Do you wanna go make some breakfast? I'm hungry." He says, cupping the nape of your neck, caressing the hair covering it.

"But it's still a bit dark out." You say, opening your eyes for the first time and turning your head to look at the window, noticing the sun had yet not fully risen, and it was still early for breakfast.

"I know, but I have to leave early if I want to have as much sunlight as I can." He says, startling you.

Leave?

"Leave?" You ask, abruptly supporting yourself on your elbow to look in his eyes, glimmering with the faint moonlight lightening your room.

Suddenly you're wide awake.

He laughs, pushing you back down onto him. You lay down but keep your head away from him, watching his face.

"I was talking to your dads last night. About the things you need here." Oh...

He's not leaving leaving. Your heart finds a more comfortable rythym.

"On our way here Tess and I saw a few big department stores that your dads said they've never been to. Some may still have some things." He adds.

"You think you're still gonna find stuff just laying around?" You ask, your tone unintentionally bitter as you snuggle back to his chest, a newfound need to stay close to him taking over you with the news that he's leaving Lincoln for the day.

"Not all the stuff, I mean, supplies and hygiene are out of sight. But there may be some tools and other things your dads need. Frank said he wanted some paint to renovate the houses and stores." He explains. "Stuff like that I may find still."

"You're going by yourself?"

"Yeah, no need for anyone else. Should be smooth, go out, see what I can find, come back." He nonchalantly states, like if there was nothing to worry about outside the Lincoln fences. "Is there anything you want besides seeds? Those I won't find there."

"I don't know, don't think so. Dad wanted some paint, to work on a few things around our house." You say, your words still a bit fogged by sleep.

"Frank?" He asks.

"Uhum."

"Baby, I just told you that." He laughs.

"Hm, sorry." You laugh back, squeezing his back.

"Still sleeping, I see, my poor baby. Something got you too tired last night." He mocks you, squeezing your sides and messing your hair playfully, making you laugh.

"Stop it." You squeeze him back, digging your nails on his back until he stops. "He says we need to take care of this place. To make it look pretty." You try to change topics.

"He's right. Most of the houses here are in good conditions, just need some work to be habitable again. You need to take care of it."

You're too afraid of the answer to ask him why he was looking into the houses.

"So what do you say? Breakfast?" He asks quickly to take your mind out of it.

"Sure. Just gotta get ready first."

"Hmm, and what are you gonna do?" He asks, his voice barely audible.

"Shower, brush my hair, my teeth, moisturize, put on something nice, some perfume for you." You say, leaning closer to him to give him a kiss.

"Hmm, sounds good. Can I stay with you?" He lays on his back and pulls you on top of his chest.

"Can you pick my clothes for me while I shower?" You suggest, rolling on top of him, straddling his hips, sitting on him.

"My honor." He answers and you bend down to give him another kiss, a slow, savoured one, that gets even deeper with the thought of him leaving, being outside all on his own.

Something he's done thousands of times, but none of them after you two met.

He sits up, and you wrap your legs around his hips, never breaking the kiss. You feel his ziper against your panties and roll your hips with a soft moan.

"You've got some hormones on you, don't you baby?" He laughs, squeezing your ass and moving both of you closer to the edge of the bed, dropping his legs to the floor.

"It's your fault for making it feel so good." You respond with a smile, running your fingers through his soft, greying hair.

"I'll take it." He laughs, pressing your hips onto his lap one last time. "But I really need to leave early, and this won't be quick." He says, pushing you gently away from him and kissing the usual pout forming on your lips.

You get up, supporting yourself on his shoulders.

You stretch your arms towards the ceiling, and he runs his hands on your sides, their rough texture tingling your skin on their way. You lower your arms, hugging his head, smelling his hair while pressing his face on your chest.

He snuggles onto your chest, his hands, still under your shirt, squeezing your upper back, pulling you even closer to him.

When he pulls on the hem of your shirt you laugh, pulling his head away just enough to kiss his lips until he passes the shirt by your head, removing it from your body.

He tosses it on the bed besides him and kisses your belly, trailing kisses from your bellybutton to your breasts. He looks at you for any signs that he should stop, smiling when you lean down to kiss his forehead. With that he kisses his way around your left nipple, taking it in his mouth and sucking softly on it, humming when you moan, smiling and biting your lips.

You pull softly on his hair when he lets go, quickly sucking the other one into his mouth, his hands squeezing your back and reaching for the waistband of your pijama shorts and panties.

He gently pulls them down, his hands spread over your skin, squeezing your hips as he trailed kisses down your stomach. He pulls away and looks at you, admiring your exposed figure.

"You're a beautiful woman, baby. So, so pretty." He praises, his brows furrowing with his own words, his eyes wandering around your skin. "So soft, so..." He hesitates. "...perfect for me." He finishes, and you smile.

"So yours." You whisper back, and he gets up, pulling you into a kiss, his arms glued to your waist as he walks you backwards towards your bathroom. When you reach it he breaks the kiss.

"All mine." He says on your lips. "Now go take your shower." He squeezes your hips one last time and turns you around.

You get in the shower and he goes to your wardrobe to look at the options — plenty more than the ones he's seen yet. He goes by color; which ones he'd like to see you wearing last before leaving.

He picks a tight yellow shirt and a short white skirt. Then he picks a white pair of underwear. He runs his hands over them, feeling the fabric before setting them carefully on top of your bed. When he's finished, he goes to your window to watch the sun rise on the horizon.

...

When you stop the water he goes to sit on your bed.

He scans your bedroom while he hears you brushing your teeth. Right besides the bathroom door he finds a large painting that gets his attention. It's the view from your window, portraying a sunny day.

It's beautiful, and he's only able to look away from it when an even better view comes in — as you walk out the bathroom wrapped in a towel, holding the bottle of body oil Frank made you.

The air feels thicker, harder to suck in while his eyes trail your still not fully explored — and unfortunately covered — body.

You walk towards him and he pulls you closer, until you're in between his legs. You handle him the bottle, and he gently pulls the towel off your body, running his hands up your sides, mimicking how he touched you before you showered.

He runs his large hands up your back and gives one of your nipples a peck, sucking it in his mouth and pulling away when you moan.

"Can't get distracted now." He says with a smile, opening the bottle and smelling the oil. "Just like you." He whispers, kissing your belly and pouring a bit of the liquid on his hands before closing the bottle and giving it back to you.

He spreads the oil in his palms, starting with your waist and spreading it all over your torso, kneading your breasts when he gets to them, opening his palms for you to pour more oil on them.

You do it and he spreads the oil over your arms and your neck, turning you around to apply it on your butt and your legs, moving his hands slowly and intentionally, massaging your flesh as he goes.

He palms your inner thigh, and his index finger brushes on your folds, spreading some of the oil on them.

He turns you back around and palms your other inner thigh, the side of his index finger once again brushing against your folds.

This time he pushes his finger higher, in between them, making you moan when he moves back and forth, intentionally touching your core.

Your clit throbs with the stimulation and he hums, his other hand squeezing your back and your hips.

He continues his movements for a few seconds, his rough fingers mimicking what his cock did the night before, and you moan at how different it feels. How much softer and gentle the skin of his cock felt against your sensitive skin, that is now almost being bruised by his hand.

He kisses your bellybutton, and you look down at him, finding his eyes on you. You smile and lean down to kiss him, breaking the kiss to grab your panties, seeing how long getting ready is gonna take if he's in charge.

"I thought you were in a hurry." You say, pulling away from him and putting your panties on.

"I'm gonna have all the sunlight I need tomorrow, I don't mind wasting time like this." He shrugs, and you freeze.

Tomorrow?

"I thought you were coming back today." You say as he grabs your shirt and helps you put your arms through it.

"No, baby." He laughs softly. "I've got lots of stores to look at, and they're pretty far away. Maybe I could come back today, but I wanna take my time." He patiently explains, grabbing your skirt and opening it for you to put it on.

"And where are you gonna spend the night?" You ask while supporting yourself on his shoulders and stepping into the skirt.

"Gonna look for a place." He says while lifting the skirt, his fingers leaving subtle goosebumps on their way up.

"Aren't you gonna waste a bunch of time looking for a safe place?" You ask, wiggling your hips to get into it with your still oily skin.

"I promise I'll look quickly for a place, and if I can't find it I'll just be fast and come back." He says, slightly less patient. "Did you paint that?" He points to the painting of your window view, trying to dismiss the topic.

You look at it, but you're not happy with the news that he's gonna be out by himself for the whole night.

"No. Couldn't you use that time to look for things instead, so you can come back today?" You ask while reaching for the shirt he picked, and he shoots you a stern look.

Joel wasn't used to have someone question him, caring about him. So he didn't know how to react to it. His first instinct was to cut it, to tell you to leave him alone, to stop being so stubborn.

Because that's one thing you know how to be.

But he knew there was no intrusion in your questions; there was no trying to tell him what to do. There was only concern.

Still it was hard to shake off the annoyance your stubbornness set on him.

"I'll try to rush and find everything today. If I can't I'll look tomorrow too. That's settled." He states, the dryness of his tone new to you.

But for some reason it doesn't feel bad, like when your dads talk to you like this. It feels... Different when Joel does it.

"You could come back to spend the n—." You say quietly, but he stops you.

"I won't come back here to spend the night because it's too far and it's gonna take too long." His annoyance still present.

You wait for a few seconds, trying to bite your tongue and not ask any more questions.

But needless to say... You can't.

"Can I go?" You ask, with the smile of who knows the answer.

"No." He says, shaking his head.

"Why not?" You ask.

"Because I don't wanna babysit you." He says, laughing, and you frown.

"I don't need babysitting." You say. You've been out before. Your dad taught you how to handle yourself.

"I know. But I won't be relaxed if you're with me. Will be worrying about you." He says, hugging you tight, looking up at you.

"And how am I gonna know if you're coming back today or not?" You ask and he sighs, burying his face on your chest, taking deep breaths.

"She's just worried, she's not trying to tell you what to do." He reminds himself.

He holds your waist, his hands firmly squeezing you, pulling you even closer to him. He looks into your eyes, his own gaze softening at the amount of concern he finds on them.

"If I'm not back by dusk then I'm not returning today, baby. Won't be walking around at night in a place I'm not familiar with." He says, more calm. "I've been out by myself enough times to know how to take care of myself, you really don't need to worry about me." He adds.

It takes you a beat to get convinced, but his big brown eyes and his reassuring smile make it hard to not believe him.

"Alright, then let's hurry so you don't waste any more time." You say before taking your body oil back to the bathroom. "C'mon, let's go." You say as you grab an old bucket hat on your wardrobe and pull him up by his arm.

The sky's still brightening up when you walk towards the small plantation your dads have built along the years.

Joel insisted he'd carry the eggs, and you're carrying empty tote bags and a small notebook where you keep track of your crops.

He's been awfully quiet since you've left your bedroom, and you're almost power walking to keep up with his large steps. You grab his forearm when you reach him again.

"Are you mad at me? " You ask, almost out of breath, your tone already apologetic.

"No... No baby, I'm not." He says, noticing that you're struggling to keep up with him and slowing down. "Sorry, I'm distracted, didn't notice you were staying behind."

"It's fine."

"I'm not mad at you." He reassures you. "But I know what I'm doing, and I just don't like to be asked so many questions." When he's with you being honest feels easier to him, it's like you pull honesty out of him.

"You don't like it, or you're not used to it?" You ask, and he looks away, piercing his lips, furrowing his brows.

He looks back down at you before looking back forward.

You keep walking in silence for a while, the chirping of birds and your footsteps filling your surroundings.

"My dad painted it for me." You say, and he looks down at you, furrowing his eyebrows. "The painting in my bedroom." You explain, and he hums, remembering it. "Sometimes during winter I can get pretty blue, so he painted that for me to hang in front of the window when the weather gets too upsetting."

"That's nice. And he's really good.." He says with a smile, a genuine admiration in his tone, both for Frank's parenting and his art skills. "Do you know how to paint?"

"Oh, no." You laugh. "He tried to teach me, but it never turns out good. I can never make it look like the real thing." You say, reaching the plantation and walking to the vegetables you need for breakfast.

"Like a photo?" He asks, carefully measuring his steps to not step on any crops.

"Yeah, like a photo." You say, kneeling down where some potatoes, carrots and tomatoes are planted.

"Tomato?" He asks, setting the tote bag with the eggs on the ground next to him.

"Yeah. Just count how many ripen ones there are before you take any, so I can keep track of them, please."

He nods and kneels in front of them with a quiet grunt, carefully analyzing each one of the red, ripen ones.

"How many do we need?" He asks.

"How many are there?"

"Seven."

"Alright, we just need one."

"Okay. Taking one, gonna be six left." He confirms and you write it down on your notebook.

"Thank you." You say while you start trying to pull a carrot out of the soil. "Do you have anything to eat while you're away?" You ask.

"Yeah, some jerky." He says, not able to hold back the dissatisfaction with the dryed food as he watches you fight the vegetable.

"Did we eat all your Chef Boyardee yesterday?" You ask, looking up at him, scrunching your nose and grunting as you struggle to pull the carrot, and he laughs.

"Yeah, we did, actually." He admits, tapping your hands gently so you let go of the carrot and pulling on it right after, effortlessly pulling it out of the ground and rubbing the soil out if it.

"Alright, gotta make you something then." You say. "But what?" You wonder, and he looks at you. "I mean, it has to be something that's gonna taste good when cold, so you don't have to start a fire and catch any attention. Also it can't go bad too quickly." You rant, thinking out loud about what you could cook him.

You're excited by the idea of cooking him something, to imagine him outside the fences, all by himself, but eating something you made him. How he will think about you while eating, how he'll have energy because you cooked him something.

It feels good to think about taking care of him.

And he's just as lost in thought as you are.

Looking at you, his mind analyzing your face; how it shines under the bright sunlight, how your dad's old hat shades your face and how even with it, you still scrunch your eyes when you look up at him. How your nose scrunches along with your eyes, how you smudge your cheeks when you push some hair away from them.

You look up at him and hold his gaze for a second, his eyes scanning your face, a silly, distracted smile on his lips.

He licks his thumb and leans closer to you, cleaning your cheeks, right where you just touched.

"You've got dirt on your face." He whispers with a soft smile, his voice barely leaving his lips.

You lean in closer to him, but he puts his hand in front of your chest, looking over his shoulders, towards your house.

"No, baby. I've told you we can't." He says.

"Ugh, but it's so hard sometimes." You playfully whine with a smile, and he laughs.

"I know, but we have to keep it between us for now." He explains.

For now?

"I think my dad knows about us." You say before thinking, and he frowns.

"Bill?" He asks, his wide eyes giving in his fear.

"No... He'd have killed you by now." You nonchalantly state. "Frank. He asked me a few times how I felt about you."

"Hmm. And what did you tell him?" He asks with a cocky smirk, playing it cool even though he's genuinely curious to know what you've told your dad about him.

And what your dad thought about it.

"Nothing you should worry about. Nothing I haven't told you already." You say, laughing.

"And how do you know he's not gonna tell Bill?" He asks, standing up and offering his arm for you.

"Gonna grab another tomato." You say. "He said I could trust him, that if dad ever has to know, he'll know. But he won't rush anything."

He grunts, unsure about how he should feel knowing Frank somehow knows about you two.

"There's this thing my dad makes us... It's shredded chicken mixed with some creamy cheese or sauce. We eat it cold, kinda like a spread." You say, asking for his hand, and he helps you up. "What do you think? Could make you some pancakes or crackers to go along with it." You stand close to him, and he takes the bag with tomatoes and carrots from you.

"You don't have t—." He starts, bending down to grab the bag with the eggs.

"I'm cooking you something. That's settled." You repeat his words from earlier, trying to replicate his almost angry tone. Judging from his face, though, you don't sound as stern as he did. "What do you say?"

"Anything you can make me is great, baby. Can be anything." He says, smiling.

"Alright, chicken spread then. With pancakes. Maybe some roasted potatoes too." You say and he laughs. "Let's go back, got a lot to do." And you start walking, him following you close.

...

You walk silently for a bit, enjoying each other's company and taking in the — now stronger — sunlight.

"Did you think about anything you want?" He asks.

"What I want?" You ask, confused, noticing you're the one who's walking too fast this time, as he's a few steps behind you.

"Yeah. From outside. I wanna know what you want. For you, though, not the town. Not seeds, not paint. Something for you." He says, smiling, reaching you as you slow down. "A gift." He adds.

You rarely got any gifts, because there are no gifts to be given or dates to celebrate. And to imagine him looking for something for you, to think that he thinks about you, that he wants to make you happy...

It makes your chest hurt. But in a good way.

"Clothes, maybe? I'm getting tired of my own." You say, but regret instantly. "I mean, it's not important." You rush to say, feeling silly for asking for something so frivolous. "I just wish I had different things to wear." You say, your voice lower.

It takes him a few seconds to respond.

"Alright, that sounds important to me. But you gonna trust my fashion sense?" He asks, laughing.

"Oh you look at me enough to know what I like to wear, Joel." You joke, smiling seeing how his cheeks redden and his eyes soften.

"Fair. I'll just choose what I like, then. What I wanna see you wearing." He says, looking down at you. Noticing how nicely your shirt outlines your breasts, how curvy your hips look in that skirt, how he never thought he'd see someone like you ever again.

A true blessing, if you ask him.

"Just don't choose anything too short..." You say, mentioning the skirt he chose for you to wear today. "Or too small. My dads don't like it when I wear those near you, they wouldn't like you giving me something like that." You add. "Unless it's really pretty! Then take it and I'll tell them I asked for something similar." You say quickly and he laughs.

"Alright. Maybe I can bring you one or two things you'll wear only for me?" He asks, his tone suggestive but playful, and you hit him with your elbow, laughing.

You hope he does.

"Aren't you gonna look for something for yourself?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"Haven't thought about it." He admits. "I never go out to look for things I want. Just things I need."

"Don't you have any hobbies, anything you like to do?" You ask as you two arrive at your house.

He thinks for a second.

Hobbies and fun seem like such odd, far concepts for him nowadays. He doesn't have the time, energy or desire to do anything, ever.

But as soon as you ask, he remembers things that brought him joy in the past.

"I liked to play the guitar. Haven't done it since this whole thing started."

"A guitar sounds fun." You encourage him, opening the kitchen door and stepping in. "Maybe you could try and find me one too." You say, then you gasp and turn around to look at him with wide eyes. "Then you could teach me how to play it! Then we could play it and the piano together!"

He nods, holding your forearm, a small and sweet smile on his lips. He looks around quickly and licks his lips before giving you a long peck on the lips.

"It'll be at the top of my list." He laughs.

It will, actually. Anything for you is gonna be a priority.

You made omelettes and he made some orange juice. You're both eating while you prepare the food he's gonna take with him.

He's sitting on a stool, eating and watching you.

Daydreaming with a life in Lincoln, with having a routine like this. Waking up with you, picking your vegetables, making breakfast, eating together.

He doesn't know what would come after.

Could be go out and hunt or look for supplies, could be help your dads with whatever, could be sit down and make small talk, or just go back to bed and have a slow, lazy day with you, cuddling, talking and napping.

Anything sounded incredible as long as he knew by the end of the day he'd lay down holding you, feeling your body soften on top of his, and knowing he'd have the whole next day by your side.

Peace, at last. A slow, safe and comfortable life with someone to love, someone to care for.

Someone to love him, to care for him.

His fantasies are cut by your — neverending, he swears — curiosity.

"Can I ask you something?" You ask, focused on the pans in front of you.

"You just did." He says, and you turn back to look at him, finding him with a wide, silly smile on his face, his cheeks red. You can't help but offer him the same.

His jokes sometimes are exactly like the ones your dads make — specially Bill.

"How was it for you? The day it happened." You ask, shredding the chicken.

His expression changes. He locks eyes on the plate in front of him, and you notice he may not want to talk about it.

"You don't have to... I mean, we don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry." You add, noticing how reviving the day seems to affect him.

"No. It's, fine. I just... Just don't talk about it very often." He reassures you, a quick smile flashing on his lips before he eats another bite of his breakfast.

After that he goes silent, and you feel bad for asking.

"I had my name... embroidered on my clothes." You say, trying to bring the attention to you and not force him to tell his story. "My full name."

"So we call you by your actual name?" He asks, eating more.

"Uhum. Dad says he thought he should respect my parents decision, you know." You explain. "But he doesn't know when I was born. So we celebrate my birthday on the outbreak day."

"Really?" He asks.

"Really. He actually says it's his father-birthday, because he became one that day." You say, and Joel smiles, but you sense something else along with happiness in his smile.

He smiles to himself for a second. Thinking about Sarah. About how he misses being a father, how good it feels to be one.

How you and Bill remind him of himself and Sarah. How he cared for her the same way your dad cares about you.

"It was my birthday." He says, and you turn to look at him.

"No!" You gasp, it has to be a coincidence.

"Yeah. My last gift." He mentions the broken watch in his wrist.

"Is that why you still have it?" You ask, smiling.

"Yeah... That's why." He says quietly, smiling at the watch.

"Do you have anyone...? Any family?" You ask.

"I do. A brother." He says, thinking about him, how he must be handling things while he's away.

"Is he... You know... Alive?" You ask, almost whispering.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how." He laughs. "But he is."

"Does he live in the QZ with you and Tess?"

Thinking about Tess... About him and Tess, still makes your heart freeze for a second.

"He does. But he works with some people that... Like to believe they're doing something, that make him do stupid things all the time. So I'm constantly just saving his ass. Just like the day it happened. I was watching a movie, then he called me. Came back home to run away from the infected."

"It was all really just one day, right? My dads say everything just went down so quickly. Barely any time to prepare or do anything. I mean, Frank says that. Bill was prepared since ever."

"Yeah. One minute you hear an helicopter, the next there's a bomb, the next an airplane falling down—" He goes through the things he saw that day.

"An airplane?" You cut him, shocked.

"Yeah. Right behind our car." He says.

"Wow... I wish I remembered something about it."

"Not many good things to remember about that day, baby." He says, and you shrug. You know there aren't. "Where did your dad find you, again?" He asks, almost finishing his food.

"He says I was on a road near here, never let me get near there."

"Huh..." He says, thinking about all the skeletons he saw on his way to Lincoln. "He's right, baby. There's nothing for you to see there." He tells you with sympathetic eyes.

"Sometimes I think about them, you know. I think about what happened to them, what they looked like. God — I wish I knew what my mom looked like." You say, feeling your eyes and nose burn as your smile grows wider.

"I bet she was really pretty, just like you." He says, and you find a shy, sweet smile on his lips when you look over at him.

"I wish I had a photo of her, like dad has of grandma." You say.

"I have a photo too." He mumbles, the words leaving his lips before he decides if he's ready to share them with you or not

"Of your brother?" You ask, curious to see what another Miller man would look like.

Not that you think he could get your attention away from Joel.

"No... Not of my brother." He says, pausing to see if you're gonna take the subject somewhere else. Hoping you would.

"Of your mom or dad?" You ask.

Should he...?

He can't not tell you forever.

It's your right to now. To learn about it before deciding if you still wanna be with him.

"Of Sarah." He says, his voice small. "But it's getting old, starting to fade away." He rushes to add, as if trying to take your attention away from the name.

"Who's Sarah?" You ask, and he looks at you, his eyes red.

Where they red before?

He sniffs, then cleans his hands on his jeans and reach for something in his pocket.

He grabs a sort of wallet, and removes a small photo from it. The little girl in it is fading, but you can still perfectly see her. Her big eyes, even bigger smile, her beautiful curls.

"Oh, Joel... Was she...?" You start, the words sticking in your throat, not leaving your mouth. He hums in response.

That's why he didn't seem to want to talk about it.

Maybe that's why he was so hesitant in doing something with you.

"She was beautiful, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." He laughs, his voice already threatening to break.

"She was." You say with a smile, still processing the new information.

"You'd love her. You two would be really good friends." He says.

"I bet we would." You say.

"She'd love you too." He says with a smile, tears starting to fall from his eyes.

"When did she...?" You ask and he looks at you, his eyes heavy. "I'm sorry, that's stupid. You don't have to." You add, and he smiles, thanking you for letting go of it.

"I gotta get going, it's getting late." He says, trying to take his mind away from such painful memories.

"But I haven't finished your food yet." You say quietly.

"It's okay, I'll wait, baby. Just gonna get my stuff ready, see if your dad's awake, gotta talk to him." He says, getting up and bringing his dishes to the sink.

"I can wash them for you, go sort your things." You say when he grabs the sponge.

He reluctantly lets go of it, looking outside the kitchen before hugging your waist from the side and kissing the top of your head.

"Thank you, angel." He whispers, and you smile back at him, watching as he takes his photo back, puting it back in his wallet and walking out the kitchen.

After a few seconds you hear him greet Bill, and you focus on finishing his food quickly so he can be outside for as little as possible.

You store his food on three separate containers. One for today, one for tomorrow, and one for backup.

You also made him a large bottle of coffee.

You take them to his bedroom and find him packing his backpack with a flashlight, a change of clothes and a bunch of other, empty bags.

"Hey." You say softly, and he turns to look at you, his frown dissolving instantly. "Your food's ready. Also made you some coffee, it's gonna be warm inside this bottle." You say, walking into his bedroom and handing it to him.

"Thank you, baby." He says as he takes the bottle. "Heavy." He smiles when he grabs the food.

"Ever seen your size?" You tease him.

"Too big?" He looks down at his stomach.

"Perfect." You respond touching his stomach, and his smile widens. He grabs your hand and gives it a kiss.

You sit on the edge of his bed, and he looks at the door.

"I'm just sitting, nothing else." You defend yourself. "We can't even talk?" You ask, a genuine frustration in your tone.

"No, baby. You're right, it's okay, I'm sorry." He says, cupping your cheek. "Thank you, gonna be a lot better than jerky." He says, lifting the container with his food, leaning down to kiss your head, right where you've parted your hair. You can feel his warm lips on your scalp, and his hot breath when he whispers: "Thank you."

"Least I could do, you're risking yourself to look for things for us." You say. "Had to show you we can take care of you as well."

"You've shown me that enough, baby." He teases, and you feel all of your blood rushing to your cheeks.

"I mean it, Joel." You playfully kick him. "You're staying here to help us, and you didn't have to. You are doing a lot." You say, trying to dismiss the wide smile on your lips.

There was really not much in for him, they had a deal either way, even if he chose to not stay and help your dads around.

"Your dads weren't the reason I stayed, you know." He says, looking at you. You smile seeing his big eyes scrunched by his own smile.

It feels almost like time stops when you stare at each other like this. Like God himself is giving you an opportunity to look into Joel, to try and read him, try and see in his eyes if he would ever consider staying, being with you.

If you're being silly for allowing such feelings and hopes go set roots inside you.

You do your best to sustain his gaze, but eventually fail, looking at his backpack.

"Is there anything else you need? Do you have enough water?"

"I think so." He says, showing you a large water bottle.

"Hmm. Don't you want another one? We've got a big one just like yours." You offer.

"No, it's fine, baby. Thank you." He smiles, wondering if you're not gonna offer to go in his place as well.

But you just sit in his bed, making him silent company while he finishes packing.

"Are there any colors I shouldn't bring?" He asks.

"For the paint or the clothes?" You ask.

"Your clothes." He responds. "I'm not actually bringing any paint, just gonna check if there's still any. If there are Bill said he'll go take then by car. Much faster." He adds.

"Couldn't he drive you there?" You ask, frustrated.

"Baby... We've been through this, huh? I know what I'm doing." He says.

It's not like you can help it though. You worry about him.

But for some reason sometimes it's hard to go against his word.

So you try and trust him.

"I don't really love blue, or every shade of green. So maybe stay on the warmer colors." You say.

"Why did you let me choose the blue dress, then?" He asks.

"For the bonfire?" You ask.

"Yeah, the one we chose yesterday." He says, not packing anymore, just waiting for your response.

"Hmm... Cause you liked it. And I want to wear something you like." You explain. "And it's not like I don't like blue, I love that dress. Blue is just a hit or miss, tricky color for me."

He grunts, making a mental note to not bring anything blue.

"What if I look for a dress for the bonfire, then?" He suggests, and you can't hold back the wide smile spread on your lips.

"Only if you find something you like more than the blue dress." You say, almost giggling.

"Gonna look for it then." He says. "Nothing blue or green, though."

Once again, a comfortable silence fills the room while you watch him concentrate on his backpack, muttering his checklist to make sure he has everything he needs.

And he likes that about you.

How you know when to leave him at it, to let him focus on what he needs to, and doesn't just ask for his attention all the time.

"Alright, now the most important ones." He says, packing his food. You smile, but when you notice he's done, you feel your chest tighten, and you shift in his bed.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay by yourself?" You can't help but ask.

"I think Joel's more than capable of handling himself, pumpkin." Bill says from the bedroom door, startling you.

But he doesn't scare Joel, who seemed to notice your father before you.

"I know he is. But I don't like to think of anyone outside the fences." You say, getting up to hug your dad.

He gratefully accepts the hug, wrapping his arms fondly around you, soothing you.

"Told her I've done this a million times. But she keeps asking these questions." Joel tells Bill.

"She worries too much." Bill says with a smile, pulling your face away from his chest and caressing your cheeks.

"I care. It's different." You say, leaving the room frustrated.

Of course you care.

You love your parents.

Maybe you're starting to love Joel...

How could you not worry?

They look at one another, confused.

"You're leaving already?" Bill asks, and he nods, putting his backpack on his back.

"Yeah. Gonna need my guns, though." Joel says, and Bill nods.

"Gonna take them. Meet you at the gate."

With that he leaves, and Joel follows after a few seconds, stopping on your bedroom.

He knocks gently on the door. When you don't respond he opens it slowly, finding you by your window.

He calls your name, and you look at him.

"Hey, baby. You gonna come down?" He asks.

"Don't know." You say, thinking about the questions Bill would ask if you hugged Joel in front of him.

"I can't go out without a goodbye hug." He says, coming close to you.

You don't hesitate in wrapping your arms around him, squeezing him tight, wanting to memorize his touch, his warmth. How he feels, how safe you feel in his arms.

"A see-you-tomorrow hug." You correct him.

You can't help the few tears rolling down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry for being so... Me sometimes." He starts. "I like how you care about me. Just don't wanna see you worried." He says, caressing your hair.

You pull on his shirt, squeezing his back.

"I'm sorry. My dads never leave, and when they do is by car, just for an hour or so. They never slept outside, I'm not used to it." You explain, your voice giving your tears in.

He pulls his head away, holding your cheeks, reading your face.

"I promise I'll be careful, huh? More than I've ever been. And I'll come back as soon as I can. In one piece. I have a good reason to." He says, smiling. And you smile back.

"Thank you." You say, and he kisses you softly, slowly rolling his tongue around yours, savoring your taste, memorizing it.

You melt in his arms, letting him take full control of you, hold you in place and keep you steady.

Indulging in him, his strong arms around you, his warmth against your chest, his beard scratching your face, his tongue rolling around yours.

Before you're ready to, he pulls away, licking his lips and looking into your eyes, his face inches away from yours.

"Miss you already. Won't sleep half as well without you." You say, squeezing him.

He laughs, staring into your eyes and kissing your forehead before walking out your bedroom, stopping at the door to look at you before walking down the stairs.

When you look it the window, you lock eyes with Frank, finding his arms crossed and a worried expression in his face. You feel a chill run down your spine, goosebumps cover your arms as he shakes his head.

'Please, don't.' You mouth, and he looks away from you.

You run down the stairs, and when you get to the door, Joel's just stepped out, and you arrive in time to listen to Frank greet him.

"Hey, Joel." He says, his expression not as friendly as always, besides his smile. "Thank you for this, Bill would've never let me go out for something so... Unessential as he calls it."

"Yeah, no problem. Gonna look for somethings for her too." Joel says, turning to look at you and smiling.

"For you too." You add, and he shrugs.

"Also, Bill asked for some tools. So it's not gonna be that unessential." He says, and Frank smiles, but you don't. And he notices your tension. "Are you alright?" He half whispers to you, and you just smile weakly and nod.

Bill joins you, standing besides Frank and looking at you and Joel, his frown as big as ever when looking at the two of you.

"C'mon. I'll give them to you at the gate." He tells Joel, who discreetly squeezes your hand before following your dad, not looking back.

You then experience something you never had.

You're afraid of Frank. You're afraid and you're embarrassed.

You just stand besides him, shifting your body weight from one foot to the other, silently watching your dad tap Joel in the back, give him his gun and one of his own. As well as a box full of ammo.

Then Joel walk past the gates, then there's the smile he offers all of you — and you selfishly claim as all yours —, then he walks away.

And your eyes burn. They burn but you hold whatever amount of tears they're ready to spill.

When you turn to go back inside, Frank holds your forearm.

"You and I are gonna have a very long conversation, young lady." He tells you sternly, and you flinch with the anger he's making sure to let cover his words.

Your parents have never been mad at you. Frank never talked to you with nothing but tenderness. You don't even know how you should feel about it.

"Okay." Your whisper, walking in and going back to your bedroom.

You spend the whole day thinking.

Thinking about Joel, how he's doing, if he's okay, if he needs something.

Thinking about your dad. About what he's thinking. How he's feeling. What is he gonna tell you, what is he gonna do?

Dusk comes, and you're on your bedroom window, watching the gates. As the sky goes dark and there's no sign of him, you feel your nose burn, and your eyes get wetter.

Before you drown in worry, you hear a gentle knock on the door. You turn around and find your dad, Frank, looking at you.

"Hi." You say quietly.

"Dinner's ready. He's not coming back today, let's go eat." He says, the dryness of his tone unfamiliar to you.

He stands by the door, and you know he's not gonna leave before you do. So you get up and walk towards the door. When you reach him he puts his arm in front of your chest.

"We're not doing this right now, but I'm really, really upset. We'll talk about this when your dad isn't around, but for now... Nothing happened." He says.

"I'm sorry." You say, not holding his gaze.

"I really thought I could trust you, darling." He says, and you sense more sadness than anger in him.

"Didn't wanna make you mad." You say, and he sighs.

"Well, if you've told me I wouldn't be mad. I didn't know you two were that close. I would've talked to him. Talked to you! There's so much you don't know, my dove." He says, lowering his voice when he almost yells.

"I'm sorry, dad." You really are, but right now you can't say much more than that. So you walk past him, going downstairs and trying to behave as normally as possible in front of your dad.

Trying not to show any shame, any worries.

Just act like nothing happened.

I'm really sorry it takes me so long to write this series. I really am. I just love it and want it to be as matured and thought out as possible, so I sit with it for as long as I can.

But I'm already working on the next part, and I'll really prioritize it 🩷

I hope you liked it! Feedback for this one is highly appreciated, I really wanna know what you guys thoughts about it since there's no smut and it's more focused on their relationship.

Love you all, have a nice one 🩷🫶🏻

Masterlist 🩷

[romanarose]

About a Girl: Chapter 5

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: For week 3 of my pride event: Sex. Joel and Blue make everything official. Kayla ruins everything.

ADDITIONAL WARNING: Sorry ya'll this just happened with the story and it felt right for what was happening and the characters.. Warning for brief DV nothing extreme or detailed.

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: Not to sound like a 2012 wattpad writer but I cried writing this.

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

Things had been going well for weeks. Kayla had been taking Sarah on weekends consistently, which meant she didn’t have a man to distract her. This, however, meant she didn’t have a man to distract her away from Joel’s love life. Still, a little bit of boundary setting had done well for him, and Kayla had mostly been minding her business. Joel was able to see Blue every weekend, and was even able to spend more time with Tommy and Tess which was rare. 

Tonight, he had just got done having dinner at your house and was cuddling on the couch with you in his arms, all wrapped up. He liked moments like this a lot. Don’t get him wrong, he’d gone to another show with you and had a good time, but he was definitely happy to just sit at home with you.

You’d seemed an unlikely pair, you and him. You liked leather and black and grunge. He liked country and jeans and… well he wasn’t really sure what he really ”liked”, honestly. He loved Sarah. He liked All That, he liked Arthur, he didn't like Barney, he liked Franklin… what did he watch when Sarah was in bed? Sleep. He mostly slept. Sometimes he watched King of the Hill… he listened to Clinton Black, Garth Brooks… Sarah liked Reba, which was nice. Things to do for fun? He liked to play the guitar for Sarah. He liked to go to the park with Sarah. He liked to go with Sarah and Tommy to the roller rink… 

“I’d like yuh to meet Sarah.” Joel said against your ear, arms wrapped around your waste as he lay propped up against the arm rest. “Really meet her this time”

You paused, then sat up to turn and face him. You were smiling softly, eyes wide. “Really? I don’t want you to feel like you have to… but I’d love too…” Something hit you, making you bite your lip. “Introduce me as… what, exactly.” When you saw his eyes widen, you told him he didn’t have to pick a label right now, but he cut you off.

“My girlfriend. If you wanna.”

You squeal, returning to his arms for a hug and a kiss. “Yes!!!”

Joel returns the kiss, pulling you close, sliding a hand to the small of your back as you deepened the kiss, straddling his body. You and him had been making out, and of course the blow job outside the concert, but no sex. Not yet…

“Stay the night.” You whispered between kisses. “We don’t gotta do nothing you’re not ready for, but I’d love if you wanted to stay over”

Joel looked up at you, heart swelling faster than his cock in his pants. He reached up to touch your face. “I’m ready… only if you wanna”

You responded by grinding your cunt over his jeans, kissing him once more. You slide your tongue into his mouth, dominating the kiss and him. When you make it to the bedroom, Joel follows your lead, letting you press him up against the door as you fiddle with his belt. “Got any- mphhh- got any questions?”

His brow furrowed, looking a little confused and flushed. “With what? I don’t know if you know this, but I ain’t a virgin. Kid and all.”

“Yeah, I’m aware.” You chuckle. “I meant with the whole ‘not born with a vagina’ thing.”

The look on his face told you he forgot about that. “Oh. Um… I guess… can you… um…”

“Orgasm?!?!” You bawked, in disbelief that at the prospect of having sex with a transwomen, something he barely knew existed before you, and he’s concerned if you’re going to have a good time. “Yes, I can orgasm Joel. I got a fucked ton of lube by my drawer too, so we’re covered there, baby. Just.” you sigh, guiding him to the bed as you pull down his pants. “Sweetie,” You coo, his big brown eyes gazing adoringly as you return to your rightful place above him. “Just let me take care of you tonight, ‘kay? I got you.”

Awestruck, you nodded. “Yes ma’am.” In his dark boxer briefs, his cock is straining, heavy.

You slowly pull his briefs down, Joel humps his hips up to help and you stare in aw as his cock strings free. He’s hung, absolutely packing and you can see why Tess came back for a few more rounds. Getting a chance to look at him, really look at him this time… Big dick, big eyes, big man… bigger heart. He’s soft, kind. He’s gentle in a way you’d never seen from a southern farmer, a body capable of total destruction if he wanted to, but no room in his heart for it. You couldn’t imagine your sweet, precious man hurting anyone.

When you took him in your mouth, you couldn’t make it all the way down. You’d practice on tat, vowing to be able to deep throat him, but it didn’t seem to matter. He was a mess already. When was the last time he fucked someone? It’d been a few years since Tess and she never mentioned Joel having a girl since Kayla… You wanted to make him feel good. But Joel had other plans. 

“Wanna taste you.” He begs, tugging at your hair. “Really wanna taste you, Blue, please?” Joel is practically whimpering at you like a puppy and god, who are you to deny him? 

“You ever had someone sit on your face, Joel?”

He nods. Good, you didn’t wanna freak him out. He’s not a virgin, but you didn’t think he was the most experienced either. “Stay there.”

You spread your legs over his face, carefully lowering yourself on him when he surprises you by grabbing your thighs and yanking you down. “Hungry boy” You chuckle, delighted with his excitement. He shows no interest in the slight scarring, if he was even paying enough attention to notice; he seemed preoccupied.

Joel devoured you whole, moving and working with your body as you ground yourself on his face. He felt good, he knew what he was doing, that was for sure. Even if he didn’t get out much, he certainly had the enthusiasm. “Fuck Joel, just like that… Just like that…” You’re sure to make sure he knows he’s doing good, you weren’t going to get wet on your own. His nose nudges along your fold as he sucks on your clit when you bend over, jacking him off. You’d love to 69 him -he deserved it- but you didn’t want him orgasming too soon, and the poor guy was already looking like he was just barely hanging on as it was. You cum in his mouth, shouting out his name as you grip his perfect cock tightly, so tight you can’t believe he didn’t spurt all over your hand but you would have forgiven him if he had with the feeling he gave you. Riding his nose and putty lower lip until you’re done taking all your pleasure. 

When you flop over on the bed, Joel is on you in a second, lips sucking in yours desperately. He needs you, you can tell, but won’t ask for it. Joel isn’t the kind to take. He’s a giver. If you asked him to eat you out again he would, and would, and would until you’re ran dry and he’d just lay there, cock hard, cleaning you up. Because that was Joel. 

But you weren’t going to do that to him. Because he deserved to know he was worthy of love, pleasure, happiness.

When you drop on top of him, encasing him in your lubed up, warm cunt. He opens you in a way you’ve never felt before, making you moan onto the stubbled jaw you were kissing, making you whimper in such a way he asked if you were okay. No one on this earth was a better man than Joel Miller.

You rode him, hands pressed against his firm pecs and stomach rubbing against his softness. All the lifting in the world wasn’t going to work his abs, and the man was living off junk and the real food Frank made for lunch. He’s soft around the edges. Joel is a whiny, moaning mess and you savor every single second of it. Breathing in his shuttered exhales, letting it be your breath of life no matter how your legs burned as you bounced. Thumbs to soft inner thighs, you gave until your heart burst.

“I love you.” You blurt out, voice shaking as you admit your feelings, perhaps too soon. You hold your breath, closing your eyes tight as your brace for rejection, or even more scary; his devotion. Upright and spearing yourself on his sweet dick, you continue your movements blindly.

Until you feel him rise up.

Joel surged towards you, wrapping your body up in one arm and gripping the back of your neck with the other hand. Chest to chest, lips to lips, body to warm, adoring body.

“I love you,” He fucks his hips up into your body, muttering against your lips and cheek. “I love you so much, Blue.” And you believe him. 

Joel comes inside after you beg him for it. One orgasm is enough for you, you generally can’t twice but Joel does have you doubting that. He fills you up, clutching your ass and shoulders to him with fingers in your skin and face buried in your neck.

*

You wake up to your landline ringing. 

“Hello?” You answer quietly, but Joel stirs anyway.

On the other side, you hear Tommy. “Hey Blue, Joel with you?”

“Yeah, everything okay?”

Joel is up, eyes wide recognizing his brother's voice. He likes the phone from you. “Tommy? You alright?”

“Jesus Joel, had me worried. Kayla called damn near every bar in town trying to get a hold of me.”

“Shit.” Joel mutters, sitting on the side of the bed. “Sarah okay?”

Tommy said he didn’t know, but Kayla had been trying to call him. Joel hung up, searching for his phone. After calling Sarah good night, it fell under the bed.

You watch him frantically call Kayla, being sure to keep quiet. You know his ex can get jealous and he doesn’t need more stress. He’s so clearly worried, and you are too. It’s 1:30 am, if Kayla is calling then something is wrong with Sarah. “Whats wrong? Where’s Sarah?”

“She won’t stop crying, Joel.” Kayla snaps at him. Is she just calling because Sarah’s crying?

Joel scrubs his face. “Kayla, did you try comforting her?”

“Of course I did, you fucking asshole” You didn’t like how she speak to Joel, and you seethed in your anger, mouth still shut. “She won’t stop screaming. You need to pick her up, I can’t fucking do this.”

Joel sighs, standing up. You begin gathering his things for him. He’s butt naked, dick swinging. “Jesus, okay, I’ll come get her. Just go hold her, okay? She gets scared at night.”

Kayla snapped at him, saying she’s aware. 

He turns to you, apologetic. “I’m so-”

“Don’t you dare fucking apoligise, cowboy.” You toss him his briefs. “Sarah comes first, always. I’d do the same if I had a kid.”

He mumbles, redressing. “She always does this. Begs and cries about never seeing her, but sends her back early. Breaks Sarah’s little heart, you know? The uncertainty. She always dressed up so cute to see her mom, always brings her best art she makes at kindergarten, picture books she can read… even pretends to like Mariah Carey when she used to make me change the station. I can’t fucking take it.”

Your heart hurts for Sarah and Joel. Your own mom and dad never got you, even before coming out as trans or gay. You just were never right in their eyes. Years later, you start to think it was more about them than it was you. Who you are now is who you were always meant to be. You are happy. They are still miserable.

“Go get your daughter, Joel.” You kiss his cheek after he pulls his boots on. “Call me in the morning, or whenever you have time.”

He pauses, stopping to wrap his arms around you, strong and safe. “I meant every single word I said, Blue. I love you.”

“I know.” And you did.

*

After speeding on the empty roads, Joel makes it in record time, parking in front of some jacked up truck and  knocking on the door. He didn’t want to ring in case Sarah fell back asleep. The door flung open to reveal and frazzled Kayla. “About time, she’s been screaming non stop!” She opened the door and Joel looked inside, not seeing her but hearing her scream frantically. Kayla was dressed in a flownsy night top and panties, makeup lightly on like she kept when she first started sleeping over at Joel’s parents.

“Where is she?” He follows the sound of her cries. She sounds absolutely batshit terrified, calling mommy, mommy, mommy. He’s unfamiliar with Kayla place. “Sarah? Where are you baby girl?”

The mommy’s switched to daddy’s with renewed vigor and Joel quickly found the room, running to it but finding the bedroom door locked. He jiggled it, hearing Sarah’s voice on the other end of sobbing for him. Something was wrong. “It’s okay, baby girl. I’m here. Daddy’s here.” He tried to sound calm but turned to Kayla, furious. “Why is the door locked.”

“Don’t raise your voice at-”

“KAYLA UNLOCK IT!”

Kayla grabbed the key from a table nearby, explaining as she unlocked it, Joel’s voice reassuring Sarah she was safe it was okay. 

“She had a nightmare, said she saw you and Tommy die on that stupid fucking farm. Wouldn’t shut the fuck up when I tried to tell her you’re-”

As soon as it was unlocked Joel burst in, dropping to his knees to scoop up his baby and soothe her. Sarah continued to cry, but relief to it.

“I’m okay, my baby. I’m okay, so is uncle Tommy. I promise.” His hands felt her shampoo or conditioner soupy residue in there. Joel told her not to wash Sarah’s hair, that it was washed the night before but she didn’t listen. Kayla never took time with washing it, rinsing it properly.

After getting the number of the last bar that Kayla found Tommy at, he got a hold of his brother when Sarah was yet to be reassured her beloved uncle was alive.

“See Sare-Bear! I’m right as rain! I even promise to make you chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, even if your dad says no, okay?”

Sarah niffles, still clearly shook up and visible shaking in her barbie nightie, but better. “O-okay. You promise you’re not hurt?”

“Not one bit, never been better. Want me to come home?”

“No… no…” But she didn’t sound certain.

Once Sarah was reassured, Joel scooped her up. She clung to her dad, clutching his shirt in her little hands. Joel turned to Kayla with a glare. “You locked my daughter in her room when she thought her dad and uncle were D-E-A-D?” He spelled out, making Kayla roll her eyes. 

“You cuddle her too much, you and Tommy both. She needs to learn to cry it out.”

“One, she’s 5 and had a horrible nightmare. Two, you literally called me!” Then, Joel heard a thump coming from another room and it made sense now. The truck, Kayla underwear and makeup. “Kayla. Do you have a man in the house right now?”

She looked like she was about to lie, then thought better of it. “What I do with my home is none of your business.”

He tried to keep calm, chest rising and falling in anger against Sarah, still gently sniffing. They had an agreement on this. “How long have you known this man.”

She crossed her arms defensively, “A few weeks.”

His jaw ticked. “You brought a man you barely know to sleep over while my daughter is here?” In anger, he turned around, walking to the door but Kayla shouted after him.

“Relax Joel! This ain’t even the first time! Sarah likes him, he’s nice, he-”

Whipping around, Joel took long footsteps towards Kayla, clutching Sarah who had begun crying again. Sarah knew when a fight was happening. “How long as this been going on? Do you leave her alone with him?” Then he realized… if Sarah met him, and never mentioned him… he took a deep breath. “Kayla. Did you tell my child not to tell her father about a man? Did you seriously tell her to keep a secret from me?”

Joel never ever said. “don’t tell mom.” Ever. His heart raced in fear about the potition she was put in. If Sarah didn’t think she could tell him about the man, if anything happened, she’d keep that a secret too.

“Joel, it’s not a -”

“Don’t! No more sleepovers Kayla! No more of this until you can stop doing stupid-”

Seeing the slap coming and bracing for it was the only thing keeping his face from rolling into Sarah’s head. His eyes remained closed, blurring with tears. Not of pain, but humiliation. Knowing Sarah just heard her mom hit her dad. He’d always managed to keep that shit away from her… 

“What, are you gonna cry now?” She mocked, but Joel wouldn’t have it.

“Sarah, sweetie, say goodbye to mommy. We’re going home.”

Sarah waved goodbye, but didn’t speak. Joel took her into the car and buckled her safely in, pulling a blanket over her legs in her nightie. He’d send Tommy to get the rest of her things tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get Sarah home.

Joel laid in bed with her, holding Sarah close to him on the twin bed. He tried to lull her back to sleep, but she hadn’t stopped sniffling and gently crying the whole ride back, even as Joel tried to distract her. 

“Why doesn’t mommy like me?” Sarah mumbled against Joel’s arm, her back to his chest.

“Oh baby…” He kissed her hair. “Your mommy loves you so, so much. She and I think you’re just the coolest kid ever.”

She thought on this for a while. “You know the bird I made in kindergarten? Where I glued the feathers?”

“Yes baby, I remember.”

“And the sheet where I wrote my name 5 times?”

“I remember, it looked so good.”

“I brought them… and last night I saw them in the trash.”

Joel’s eyes welled up with tear, tucking his face into her hair to hide it. “It must be an accident, Sarah. We get so many bills, it probably just got lost in the piles.”

“I put it on the fridge for her.”

“It must have fallen…” Joel hated lying to her, but… “You know, just the other day your mom called me to tell me how she’s so proud of you. How she thinks you’re the prettiest girl in the whole world and so, so smart.”

Sarah’s bedroom door cracked open, Tommy appearing.

“Hey Sare-bear” He spoke gently. “Got room for me?”

Joel scooched over and saw Sarah smiling for the first time. Daddy was comfort, but Uncle was joy. “Yes!!”

As Tommy took off his boots and jacket, Joel enlisted him to his lie. “Tommy, remember how her mom was telling us how proud she is of Sarah?” 

Tommy got the jist. “Oh yeah, she’s always talk’n ‘bout you. Can’t get her to stop, really. Says you know more about dinosaurs than anyone else on the planet.”

“Yeah! Because I saw Jurassic Park!”

Joel shot Tommy a look but let it slide. At least Tommy doesn’t tell Sarah to keep secrets. “Yup. See baby? She loves you so much.”

“Good” Sarah yawned. “Because I love mommy. I wanna be just like her when I grow up.”

The three of them fell asleep like that on the twin bed. Sarah snuggled right up in her daddy’s arms, uncle Tommy on the other end holding her little hand. 

In the morning, Tommy made them all chocolate chip pancakes.

Lets get on the fight Kayla club!!!!!

Tommy loves his neice....

Sarah is perfectly safe, I promise.

please lmk your thoughts!!!! Thanks for all the cool works with this pride event!!!

How to keep up with the series:

Follow About a girl series on tumblr

follow @romana-updates and turn on notifications

Ask to be tagged!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie @valoxwayward @axshadows @qveerthe0ry @guelyury

[jaidens]

I'd Give All Have, Honey If You Could Stay Like That, Oh, Darling Don't You Ever Grow Up

pairing [s] : bob floyd x reader

warning [s] : call your dentist as soon as possible! the sweet fluff is giving you cavities!

a/n [s] : requests are open! the pictures do not show what your daughters might look like.

Robert was a girl dad. If anyone has dared to try and make fun of him for being head over heels for his daughters and wife, call the ambulance. Jake pushed his buttons by calling him Baby on Board, but Hangman knew to never make fun of him about his daughters. You loved the way he could never say no to his daughters flapping eyelashes and pretty eyes blinking at him. It was sometimes annoying for how much candy your babies could assume if their daddy was taking care of them for a day.

Currently, Bob was holding his daughter Tessa in his arms, slowly running his hands down her hair. She was almost asleep, eyes attempting to stay open. Tessa was slumped against your husband's chest, drool slowly falling out of her mouth when she finally sleeps. Eventually Sophia, Tessa’s sister, clomps over to Bob, hands going up to try and grab her Daddy.

“Hey babygirl.. did you have fun with Uncle Mickey?” Bob's voice is calm and soft as he picks his daughter up in his other arm and pulls her up. Sophia wraps around her dad's arms, laying on his shoulder. You're sipping a soda while you scroll on your phone. “Mm.. daddy wanna go home. Sleepy.” It's only 6:30 but he swears his girls got your sleeping gene. You're almost asleep too as you lay against his shoulder. He's surprised you're even getting sleepy whenever Jake goes to turn another song on the jukebox.

“Hey, babe, Soph’ is getting sleepy and Tess is asleep. You think it's time to head out?” Bob says to you while he attempts to not wake up Tessa. “Yeah I think so. The girls have been up since six-thirty. And Mama needs her husband alone tonight.” He laughs gently as you pick up your bag and stand up. Your hand runs against Tessa’s soft curls and you kiss Bob softly. His cheeks turn a dusty pink. Even after fourteen years of marriage, he still gets flustered by you. You smile at him and pick up Sophia. She lets out a small whine before she relaxes in your arms.

The team gives you all hugs as you say goodbye to everyone. Sophia waves tiredly at Fanboy and Phoenix. You walk out the door and Bob follows behind you, holding the door open for you. You're walking to your car before Bob runs in front of you and opens the door for you, hand touching your lower back. “I’ll put the girls in their seats, love.” You kiss his lips and he smirks at you. He hands you the keys and you start the car with them.

You can hear him in the backseat buckling in Tessa and she starts to almost cry before he kisses her softly. Bob had a hidden voice he would never share, the soft voice from his choir days in highschool. You hear the relaxing Taylor Swift song that Bob held you to during the Speak Now tour in 2011. You remember telling him after the concert that you would dream about your kids with him during that song.

Now, your dream came true. Bob had kept his promise and whenever Tessa was born, he held her in his arms and sang just that song. It became tradition in your daughters’ lives to hear that song from their dad. It felt like you were in college again, in the back of Bobby’s best up Chevy staring at the stars talking about your future. The only thing you were sure of was Bobby would always be written in your stars.

Bob jumped into the truck, putting the windows down to let in the warm summer night. He flips the radio on, a random country station playing soft music. His hand falls to your thigh, thumb going under the rips in your jeans. “Y'know,” Bob begins, his head turns, looking at you and back at the road. “Jake said he could take the girls this weekend. His nieces are coming over. I thought we could go to the city for the weekend. Drink and go crazy, like we did before the girls.”

You laugh gently and nod at him. “Yeah sure. I missed those times if I had to be honest. I miss the mullet you had in highschool, and I missed when you held me in your arms that summer night when Daniel Carrigan said you sucked at football and you almost cried.” He pinches your thigh and laughs. “I still can't believe he said that.”

“Tess has gotten so big recently. I was scrolling through the pictures on my phone and I saw her when she was a little baby on her first day of school.” You show him the picture and you see the way he is for a moment. “I wish I could keep her like that forever. She was such a little baby.” Bob tells you and smiles at the photos of her dancing around in her little dresses.

He taps your thigh with his hand and grips the wheel. You know he's sensitive about his girls growing up and it's something so bittersweet; growing up. You've grown up with Bob, and you watch him watch his girls grow up. You remember telling him one day about how you were scared about growing up and what the future held. He only told you one thing,

“Whatever the future might hold, you can remember I'll always be there.”

That's whenever you knew you would be with him forever. The funky glasses he wore and his long hairstyle. He was stuck with you and you were stuck with him.

[positivelybeastly]

After the broadcast, Woolf disappears. (Socially.) She answers her communicator, does her duty to the 'X', and then does what everyone else is doing: the best she can. She works. She trains. She eats. She works more. (Workworkworkwork.) She screams her throat raw in the silence of her room, and a few days in, she realizes 'oh. Ohhhh. I forgot about Hank.'

It is what it is. Needs must.

('Bad beat', Gambit would say.)

She stares at the door of Hank's lab before it swishes open, taking some spare comfort in the familiar sound. As for the smell of the lab, that hits her like a slap in the face. The air is all char and hot metal--some project he's working on for Scott--and she can't help but recoil, pressing her first to her mouth.

Moving on.

Her voice sounds like she's been gargling nails. "Anyone give you a hug yet?"

'I'm sorry,' is what she ought to say. The apology lodges in her throat along with 'my mama's dead' and a truly godawful 'wanna compare coping mechanisms? I have a trash can with my hair in it!'

"I'm handing them out, if you're offering."

It was easy enough to lose track of Hank at the best of times, if the denizens of the Mansion were honest with themselves.

He was, of the team, the one least often assigned to a mission, so his absence on the field was practically assumed; he was, of the adults, the most independent, with the most going on outside of the Mansion; he was, of the disparate personality types that made up the eclectic band of merry mutants, seemingly the most stable.

Scott brooded, Logan raged, Jean turned into a cosmic firebird, Morph had their personal demons to contend with, Rogue's powers bedevilled her, Jubilee's teenage angst knew seemingly no bounds, Ororo had an impossible standard of behaviour to maintain, Remy . . .

Remy . . .

Suffice it to say, Hank never seemed like he was the one who needed help. He's always just there, in the lab, ready to talk, ready to pull his weight, ready to turn and smile. The man had been unjustly imprisoned for a year, and yet, he bore it all with remarkable grace. Do the mental checklist. 'Hank's fine, he's always fine.'

He's never begrudged them that. In some ways, he courts that feeling. He hates to worry people, even as he himself loves to worry.

His back is turned as the door swishes open, and he doesn't hear it over the sound of a laser welder cutting through tritanium alloy like a hot knife through cold butter. It stinks, but it gives him something to focus on, something to do, even if it's a project Scott asked him to work on before all of . . . this. It seems frivolous now, in retrospect.

'Do you think you can work out a way to balance the Blackbird so it can fit my Porsche, Hank?'

A preposterous notion, truly.

But . . . even as that thought had occurred to Hank, he knew, in his heart of hearts, that he was never able to deny Scott anything, really, never had been, not since there had only been the five of them, and they had still called Scott Slim, and Bobby was still around, and Warren (missing, presumed dead), and, and - and besides, it was an interesting prospect. An engineering conundrum. A challenge.

It was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.

Tess' voice rings out, and he goes stiff. Down goes the laser welder, up go the goggles, around he turns. He looks haggard. Some of the blue has gone out of his fur. He manages an upturn of the lips. Must present strength. Must be there. Have to be the rock. Everyone else can fall apart, Hank, but if there's just someone who sticks it out, you can weather anything, you can all come back together eventually.

Can we, Charles? Or have you left us all here to wither on the vine?

"I think . . . a hug would be quite nice." There's a shellshock to his words, and Tess can tell he's only really half here. Half of him is still sat on the couch upstairs, watching the casualty reports coming in, watching Alison's corpse be zipped up in a body bag. His head in his hands, his world turning, his stomach turning with it.

Up he gets, and again, he presents strength, grace, balance - he's always been balanced, ever since he was a child, it had been one of the very first manifestations of his mutant gift - for one step, two step, three step, four step.

And then he crumples, and he's almost dead weight in Tess' arms as he clings to her, because please god don't take Tess, too, please don't take her, please, please, don't take anyone else, you've taken enough, you've taken enough, just stop killing my friends, please -

He drags himself back up to his feet, with Tess' health. Nestles into her. He's the lightest she's ever felt him be.

The hug helps. If only for a moment.

[bitchyfoxymama]

Clementine - Joel Miller x F!Reader

Warnings: held at gun point and pinned to a wall, fluff, cute nickname, no use of y/n, reader has a nickname tho

A/n: ahhhhh my first Joel fic!!!!

...

"Hey, how come Joel calls you clementine?" You were walking Ellie to school. 

The three of you had settled down in Jackson after Joel had saved Ellie. 

"Hmm, he hasn't told you that story yet?" You reply while holding your hand above your brow blocking the sun from your eyes, "well it's a really funny story, but I won't tell you about it until you get back from school," you smirk down at her. 

"Aw, come on, man! I wanna know, please. If you tell me right now, I'll do your dishes for weeks," Ellie pleads with you.

You think for a moment. "Tempting, but no, you will just have to wait until dinner tonight. That is when I'll tell you the story of why Joel calls me clementine. Besides, we're already here at your school, now go on before you get in trouble for being late….again," you kiss the top of Ellie's head and watch as she follows the other kids into the school. 

You smile at the memory of why Joel calls you that name. Hell, he hasn't used your real name in years, always using the name of the citrus fruit instead. 

The use of clementine had started nearly a decade prior, back at the Boston QZ. 

Finally, you were able to sneak back into the QZ. It was a hard day's work but you managed to get a good enough haul that would bring you in a decent amount of ration cards and keep the FEDRA off your back especially if you bring in fresh fruit just like you have been for the past few years. clementines and strawberries. The only 2 fruits you were able to grow. 

You were so close making it back until you bumped into a man and woman both a good bit older than you, the gray in their hair making you sure they were older. 

"I-" you squeaked out before the man had you pinned against the wall, gun pressed against your temple. 

"Who the fuck are you and where the fuck did you come from?" He yelled in your face, spit landed on your cheek. 

"I-I um, I have a garden on the other side of the wall, FEDRA looks the other way if I give them twenty-five percent of my haul!" You said as you tried to raise your hands. 

"Don't fuckin' move!" The man said as he pulls your backpack off of you, tossing it to the woman, "if we find out you are lyin' I'm gonna kill you," he threatens.

After some ruffling through your backpack and clementines and strawberries scattered. 

"She's telling the truth," the woman glared at you, "how long have you been doing this?" 

"Only a f-few months, I found some clementine trees and a nearby patch of strawberries," you stuttered out as the man still holds you tight, "I-I-if you let me join you, I can get you ration cards,"

"We don't need yer help," he replied, finally pulling the gun away from your head and holstering it once again. 

"Now, wait, Joel, we could use her, we didn't know about the fresh fruit nearby. She could be useful." 

That is how you met Joel and Tess and helped them around the QZ with their smuggling. You were the reason Bill and Frank had strawberries

"Wait, so you're telling me that Joel held you at gunpoint?" Ellie looks at him shocked, "not fucking cool man!" 

"In his defense, he did think I was moving in on his already claimed territory," you laugh, placing a hand on top of his as you sip your coffee. 

"I still can't believe you were able to find such a delicious score," Ellie says as she finishes up her plate, taking it over to the sink. 

You follow her and gently place your plate in the sink. 

"I think I'm gonna go enjoy the air in the backyard, Ellie feel free to join me after you finish the dishes," you say gently hugging her. 

You walk out the backdoor and go to sit on the porch swing Joel installed. 

"I can't believe you told her that story," Joel says as he sits next to you with a hand on your waist as you admire your new clementine tree. A smile graces your face as he places a kiss on the top of your head. He gently places his free hand on your pregnant belly. 

"Yeah, well, she was curious as to why you always called me clementine." You say as you lean your head on his shoulder. 

[biggestsimponhere]

could i please put in a request for Tess from tlou from smut prompt list 2, “you would look so good under me” and "i wanna ruin you"? i'm such a simp for her lol

thanks <3

Ruin me - Tess Servopulous x f!reader, Joel and reader are besties, Reader is Afab and uses feminine terms and pronouns! Sorry it’s not very long 😕 Tess is a soft dom

WARNINGS - Smut, Vaginal fingering, Oral sex, Praise kink, Degradation kink, Slightly under the influence (Alcohol)

Tess doesn’t outwardly show her affections. At least not often. Definitely not in public. While you love her it definitely also pisses you off. So while you’re not completely sober and are making terrible decisions you decide to flirt with some girl. You don’t remember her name and honestly you don’t care. All you care about is the fact that you can feel Tess’s eyes burning into you. “So, do you wanna get out of here?” Before you have a chance to respond you feel an arm slide around your waist. While you’re not completely sober you can definitely recognize Tess.

“She can’t. She’s with me” Her voice spat at the woman. You just leaned into her enjoying that she was actually touching you. “Come on, we gotta tell Joel we’re leaving” Tess said pulling you away from the woman. She walked you over to where Joel was sitting alone. “Joel, i’m taking her home. Try not to drink yourself to death” Tess said rolling her eyes. “I couldn’t even if i wanted to, this shit is nasty” Joel said before bringing it back up to his lips. You pulled out of Tess’s arms and slid your own around Joel. Though he was not one to hug openly he looked like he needed it right now.

“Goodnight Joel” You said smiling before heading off with Tess. You snuck one last glance at Joel to make sure he was okay and he had visibly relaxed. Once the two of you got into the apartment Tess pulled you into her. “I wanna ruin you” She growled in your ear before crashing her lips onto yours. You whimpered at the intrusion as she stuck her tongue in your mouth. As you continued kissing the two of you landed on the couch with you straddling Tess. “Ruin me then” You said smirking. She slid her hand into your hair and tilted your head back to gain access to your neck. She sucked marks all across it. Your neck now bearing purple and pink hickeys.

You whimpered as she found that spot on your neck that had you grinding against her thigh. “Are you really gonna get yourself off on my thigh? What a good pathetic slut you are” She said tilting your jaw to look at her. You whined as she started bouncing her leg. She let you bounce on her thigh for a few more seconds before stilling your hips. “As good as you look perched on my thigh like a good girl, I think you would look so good under me” She said flipping you over. You landed back against the couch. She smirked as she hovered above you. “Where’d you even get this dress anyways” She said kissing down your leg. “I got it off some guard it came with the pills we sold em” You said twisting your hips toward her mouth.

She held your hips still and shot you a warning look. “It’s a shame, it’s such a pretty dress” She said as she moved towards your core. “You better not tear my dress off tess, i’ll be so mad” You tried to say in a firm voice but it came out more whiny than you intended. “I’m not gonna tear it, maybe just soak it a little” She said before licking a stripe up your slit. You moaned loudly as she quickly found your clit. “You take it so well don’t you baby?” She said shoving a finger into you. You whimpered and nodded your head. “You want another one?” She said and you clenched around her finger. “Words pumpkin” She said stopping all movements. “Yes, yes please” You said grinding on her finger again. She slid a second finger in while still using her tongue to circle your clit.

“Oh- Oh fuck, can i come? Please, please, please” You begged grinding further onto her hand. “Go ahead and come for me princess” She said working you through your orgasm. As you came down from your high you stared at her. “Let me help you” You said toying with her jeans. “You don’t have to” She said rubbing your hand. “I want to, please” You said pushing her to lay down. You carefully slid her out of her jeans, peppering kisses along her legs as you went. You moaned as your hand came in contact with her wetness. “You always get this wet from eating me out?” You said hovering over her. “Watch yourself” She growled bucking up into your touch. “I’ll take that as a yes” You said heading back down between her thighs.

You circled her clit with your tongue before sliding a finger in her. She moaned as you circled it into her. “Doing so good for me baby, so good” She said arching into your hand. You slid another finger into her as you moved your tongue back to her clit. “You think you can take another finger?” You said nibbling her thigh. “D-do it” She said moaning. You slid a third finger in her and she practically convulsed on your hand as she ground on you. “You gonna come? Come for me” You said thrusting your fingers in and out of her. She came shaking as she clenched around you. She slid her hand back into your hair and yanked you down for a kiss. “You’re never wearing this dress out of the apartment again” She growled against your mouth. You just smiled knowing you were definitely wearing this out again.