#and i think while i use real labels here for recognition's sake i do think they have different definitions and terms

[perenlop]

unprompted pmd oc lore thats sorta based on rescue team dialogue cause im thinking about it: the proper pronoun to use when you don't know a pokemon's specific gender is actually "it/its", not "they/them". In some cases it's considered disrespectful to refer to some legendary pokemon as anything other than "it".

[joonclouds]

The Price Of A Wish | 1

The third time you meet Jung Hoseok, you realise the last ten years has done nothing to the way you were drawn to him, with a force as sure and inescapable as gravity.

CHAPTER INDEX

Hoseok x Reader 

Genre: Idol!Hoseok, Chaebol!Reader, OT7 bangtan show up too, Slow Burn, Unrequited feelings, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Fluff, (we might include some other things later let’s see)

Warnings: None, but emphasis on the Slow in slow burn.

____________

The official opening night of your art conservatory marks your first independent venture from your family’s Aurarts Corporation. The press and public fawn over you, commending your initiative to increase representation opportunities for budding artists. You wanted this place to celebrate all types of art.

The opening ribbon is cut, champagne, popped. Compliments were given on the new space - one with high ceilings, a fully functional theatre, practice rooms. Crafting studios with expansive skylights and clean white walls wait to house artists and their masterpieces. Mirrors have been strategically placed to make the main hall and foyer look even bigger than it is.

The silver gown and warm smile you wear belies the eighty-hour work week you’ve had leading up to today and the way your feet scream in protest at the new satin Manolos that haven’t yet been seasoned by wear. Maybe you eat more than your fair share of tiny canapes, but you are the perfect hostess - you laugh, shake hands, exchange jokes - always sincere, never past the point of oversharing.

So yes, it’s an important night. It has to be perfect. But that isn’t why you’re nervous.

You feel a warm hand on your elbow and you’re pulled into a gentle hug. It startles you, but once you catch an eyeful of colourful prints that smell like a woody bergamot, you relax.

“Hey, ____.”

“Tae! I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Who will save you from all this social interaction otherwise?”

Mirroring Taehyung’s smile, you return his embrace. Though it’s not till you’re pulling away that you realise what’s different about him tonight.

“Your hair!” Your fingers come up to touch the strands at the nape of his neck which, previously bright blue, are now an ashy silver.

Taehyung grins. “You like? I did it to match your dress.”

The gray hair makes his skin glow.

“I love. It suits you.”

You give him an approving once over. Taehyung’s style is eclectic, to say the least. His hair colour changed depending on his mood, sometimes blue, sometimes pink. A few weeks ago, it was a fire-engine red. On most days, he chooses to dress in a mish-mash of designer jackets, some of which he’d taken a can of spray paint to, baggy cut clothing and odd sandals (rarely covered shoes). But that had never taken away from the fact that he was incredibly good looking - maybe even added to it, if that were possible.

Tonight he’s dashing, in a loose silk shirt with wild paisely patterns tucked into dress pants, and a smattering of silver and gold on his fingers and in his ears.

“Who knew Kim Taehyung actually owns proper shoes?”

He doesn’t say anything, just tilts his heel with a cheeky smile, showing you that he’s not actually wearing proper shoes, or even socks for that matter - just loafers that look like actual shoes in that they had no backing to cover the heel.

“Did you seriously wear bedroom slippers to my grand opening?”

Taehyung laughs and eyes your Manolos skeptically.

“They’re my best pair of Gucci loafers. If I’m going to have to endure all this small talk I’m going to do it comfortably.”

You groan quietly, shifting your weight to your other foot. “Don’t remind me. We’re not even a third through the night.”

Taehyung nabs two glasses of wine from a passing server and you accept one gratefully.

“Ugh - “ he pauses to take a big sip as he scans the crowd. “Remind me again why you invited half of the country to the opening?”

“Marketing says it’s good publicity, ecetera ecetera.” You take a substantial mouthful of wine yourself.

“That’s good publicity?” Taehyung tips his glass to point over your shoulder and you turn in its direction.

The both of you cringe visibly.

“Uh. She’s got a million followers on Instagram?”

He makes a small retching noise in the back of his throat. “She’s taking a duck face selfie in front of the - hey!”

Taehyung quickly gets the attention of a server and shoves him in selfie girl’s direction. “Tell her no flash photography, it’s a real Matisse, for fuck’s sakes.”

While Taehyung’s flagging down another server to refill his wineglass and muttering something about how can’t anyone have a shred of respectable gallery etiquette, you’re spacing out a bit.

The soft, unassuming lull of the string quartet sits underneath the rustling of expensive gowns and clinking of glasses. Anyone and everyone who was someone in the entertainment industry was extended an invitation. That tiny ball of anxiety still sits in the base of your gut. It’s like waiting in line, and it’s almost your turn - for what you’re not sure - but not quite yet. Your fingers pick at the thin seam of your dress.

“____.” It vaguely registers that this isn’t the first time Taehyung’s called your name.

You clear your throat quickly. “Sorry. I’m a little tired today. What was it?”

“When was the last time you ate? You better not say yesterday.”

“Don’t look at me like that. I ate.” Technically, not a lie. Stealing the canapes was considered eating.

Taehyung frowns, but he’s sufficiently appeased. “ As I was saying, I saw you chatting with President Kwon earlier. What’d you think of him?”

“I think - ” You suck in a breath through your teeth, taking a moment to find the right words. “He’s competent. Knows the ins and outs of the arts and entertainment businesses. He might be useful so let’s not rule him out yet.”

“Rule him out yet? He’s a big fish though.”

Your expression changes slightly - it’s still a smile, but Taehyung has known you long enough to be able to tell. Its what he likes to call your Politely Disgusted face.

“Like I said. Yet.” You emphasize. “While we were talking, I watched him hand his empty wineglass off to his wife instead of the wait staff. He’s definintely not being friendly to me because it’s his personality.”

He nods in understanding. You were quick on picking up little things like that - you had quite the talent for reading people. “He wants something from you.”

“Bingo. And when we find out what he wants, then we can really - “

A small change in the atmosphere makes you pause. Something’s different.

“_____?”

“Hold on. I’ll be back in a minute, I think someone’s here.” You murmur.

There’s a small hush about the air. It’s less conversation, heavier, quieter with a certain entrancing quality. Whatever it is makes you turn your head and take a few steps towards the main foyer, leaving Taehyung behind in a bit of a confused daze.

Without seeing, you know.

Of course he’s received an invite. But he’s a little late, having missed the opening ceremony. Systematically, you weave through the guests with murmured apologies, that tangle of anxiety bubbling over into something more - trepidation, anticipation, excitement… you can’t tell anymore.

You’re halfway to the main doors when you see him before he sees you.

He’s in a black suit - Dior, by the looks of the nondescript label on the jacket cuff. The bowtie has been forgone in favour of a matching silk neck scarf and the top two buttons of his white shirt have been left undone. His hair is styled such that errant pieces fall boyishly into his eyes as he nods politely to greet the attending press and guests.

Perchance, you catch a glimpse of your reflection in one of the mirrors - cheeks pink with a little flush, eyes wide and shining. It’s unlike you. There’s a tiny curl that’s escaped your bun, but you don’t reach up to smooth it back as you usually would. It looks quite charming, you think.

It can be quite a peculiar experience, to see someone after a long time.

The years make little changes to their appearance, the way they walk, talk, hold themselves, leaving only just enough familiarity for recognition. It’s like a weird sense of jamais vu, recalibrating your memory as you align the two faces - the one you knew, and the one that is.

One thing you know for sure. His face has always been smooth lines and pretty angles. Time has certainly taken those lines and angles, made them smoother, prettier. Made them breathtaking.

He spots you in the crowd threading through it to come stand in front of you. You’re taller now, and in your heels, you don’t have to look up much to meet his gaze. The mirth in his eyes is a little dimmer now, but it’s there and still the same.

“Hi, ____. It’s been a while.” He extends a hand with a smile and you vaguely register the sound of cameras clicking and flashes of light.

It’s not till he glances down almost imperceptibly that you realise your reaction has been left wanting for a second too long. Quickly sliding your hand into his, you smile and perform your part as best you can for the watching eyes that follow.

“Hi,” you breathe. He grips your hand firmly, warmly. “It’s good to see you.”

That short, polite moment is all you get before he’s swept away in the flow of greeting the other guests and influencers who clamber for a photo, but it leaves you with peculiar feeling. Like you’ve missed a step on the stairs and you’re paralysed in a hanging moment of falling and flying at the same time.

The third time you meet Jung Hoseok, you realise the last ten years has done nothing to the way you were drawn to him, with a force as sure and inescapable as gravity.

__________________

 References: 190106 Hoseok  For your enjoyment

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[wonderwomanfantasy]

heart like mine

 it’s big mental break down hours boys and I’m taking it out on Bakugou whoops. 

Bakugou x Reader

Word Count: 2,100(about)

Warnings: angst, gore, death, abuse, kidnapping, torture, this goes from 0 to 100 real quick,

Summary: Bakugou refused to belive in your supposed death, even though it’s been two months without any sign of you, even when they find the body. he knows you are alive, you have to be. he doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself if you aren’t. 

Bakugou didn't trust people easily, but it had taken him longer than normal to come around to you. You were always so damn happy go lucky putting on a wide smile and offering to use your quirk on whoever even remotely needed it. Witch bakugou didn't. You had a healing quirk, you would take the injury before redirecting it into someone or something else. He felt weak when he needed your help, and he felt manipulated when you used his weakness as your strength. He almost always brushed off your offer, he wouldn't let you so much as help him off the ground. He didn't need you.

But he had started trusting you eventually. He would let you ease the pain in his muscles, or take away the ringing in his ears if, and only if, no one else was around, and you sent the damage into the wall or something. He would never let you use your quirk on him in battle- If he was going hurt someone he was going to do it directly. 

You were always there when he needed you, your healing hands always ready to take some of the weight off his shoulders. He was more than ecstatic when you had gone to Best Jeanest for your internship with him, not that he showed it in any way. 

Bakugou wasn't sure when exactly he fell in love with you, but he knew that he loved you. He loved your voice, and your laugh, he loved your eyes and your hair. He loved your kindness and your sense of humor. And he would be damned if he let anyone get to you before him. He asked you out on the first day of school in your third year. You rejected him. You liked Bakugou too but you weren't dating anyone until after you had made a name for yourself as a hero.

So he waited, watched as you climbed the ranks from a nobody, to in the top twenty to number seven where you staid. Then he asked you out again and this time you accepted. 

Often, he found himself wondering what would come next, you had been his girlfriend for almost five years now had been living with him for three, marriage couldn't be far away, right? His mother hinted at it constantly while the fans speculated that you were already married but hid it from the public. He liked the thought of “Mrs. Bakugou (y/n)”. he had to snap himself out of daydreams of tall buttercream cakes and white dresses more often than he cared to admit. 

So he bought a ring. It was sleek and glamours perfect for you. Bakugou had picked up a thing or two from his parents after all. He was planning to propose that night, the little velvet box burning a hole in his jacket pocket. But you weren't there to be proposed to. His home had been broken into, ransacked and vandalized. The villains had only taken one thing of value: you.

He couldn't sleep, he didn't eat. His life was consumed with trying to find you and the bastards who had taken you so he could cave in their skulls. Every clue he took note of, he followed every lead and looked everywhere for you. On nights where exhaustion overtook him, he slept fitfully, plagued by nightmares. The ring staid on his nightstands waiting for a day that might never come. He didn't want to think about it. If the chances of finding you alive were slim to none after two days. Then what were the odds after a month?

He didn’t lose hope, even after they found your body. well, they found a body, who was your exact hight weight and what little shreds of fabric had been left on the mangled burned corpse matched fibers from your hero suit. Bakugou didn’t believe for a second it was actually you. he couldn’t wrap his mind around that possibility. the body had been burned beyond recognition, there was a chance it wasn’t you, and the fibers on the body matched your hero suit, but you hadn’t been wearing your suit when you were taken his friends moved on, urged him to do the same. but he couldn’t not yet.

You didn't understand why they had taken you, at first. You woke up chained to a wall. Gagged and bruised. Your wrists were bound to the wall so you couldn't even heal your own wounds. As it turned out, there weren't a lot of villains with healing quirks, so they had to kidnap a pro hero just too heal the wounds they got trying to kill your friends.

It was hell. No matter how you thrashed and kicked and fought back the restraints held tight you refused to use your quirk for them. So they starved you and beat you until you were to weak and delirious to refuse them. If they were feeling particularly crewel, which they often where, they would wake you up at odd hours of the day and night. The lack of sleep made you feel like you were losing your mind. Somehow you held on to a small sliver of hope. It couldn't be long before you were rescued. But days slipped by with no one coming to your aid. Days turned to weeks. The weeks to months. It was hard to tell time, you weren't allowed near windows. You had long since given up on telling the difference from day and night, sleeping when you could.  

Your faith was really only broken when you saw a Gossip imagine left beside you.  A Rebound Already? Pro Hero Ground Zero spotted with hot new blonde two months after (Y/N) (L/N)'s tragic death. 

Of course, no one would be looking for you if they thought you were dead, your own boyfriend had moved on for Christ's sake. You were broken after that. You no longer put up a fight when your captors used you for your quirk. You didn't even bother to send the wound off somewhere. You let the pain slide down your fingertips and down your arm letting the wounded land where ever they wanted on your body. Cuts opened on your stomach, bruises and scrapes that weren't yours materialized on your skin. You could only get away with it for so long, you were too valuable to let die. What you wouldn't give to just. Die.

Bakugou hated the press coverage. How fucking dare they imply that he could ever move on. He refused to lose hope. He would find you and he would find you alive and then everything could go back to normal. But every lead was nothing but a dead-end, and he was running out of straws to grasp at. 

Then a miracle happened, he got kidnapped. Sure he didn't think it was a good thing when he woke up tied to a chair, a quirk nullification collar latched tightly around his neck. Tape had been stuck over his mouth so he couldn't even scream. That sure as hell didn't stop him from trying though. Slowly.  A slender girl with choppy black hair who couldn't have been more than 19 came before him.

“you're Ground Zero, Bakugou Katsuki right?” she asked timidly. He thrashed wildly in his retrains, but they held. “shake your head yes or no” the girl tried but he continued to ignore her.

“I know where (y/n) (l/n) is and if you want to see her again you'll stop,” she boomed, it was surprising hearing such a loud noise from such a small frail looking thing. He froze instantly. “good, now Are you Bakugou Katsuki or did I kidnap the wrong blonde-haired son of a bitch?” she asked. He nodded. “good” “and you want to find (L/n)?” he nodded again. “she was kidnapped by the League of Villians about two mounts ago” she said nervously. Bakugou founded, he had already figured as much, it was more a question of why. They hadn't asked for ransom, they didn't kill you as some sort of message, and as of yet, they hadn't turned you to their side.

“they've been using her quirk, it's sick I can't stand it anymore,” the girl muttered. “do you still want to save her?” She asked picking at her lips nervously. he glared at her and nodded as angrily as he could. Of course, he wanted to find you.

“good,” she said nodding. Her eyes kept flicking back and forth as if she was expecting something to come crashing in on them. “It goes without saying that I shouldn't be doing this. But I- (Y/n) she was-Fuck it doesn't matter. I'm going to give you a tracking device, you come and find her, get her out okay.” she pulled out a small box from her pocket and placed it on the ground in front of him.

“bring back up or don't I don't care. And don't think this means I'm on your side or anything. I'll try to kill you when you show up and I expect you to do the same.” she added glaring. Bakugou wasn't sure what else to do, so he nodded. “okay good luck,” she said then turned to leave. Bakugou shouted and rocked in his chair. Her plan was all fine and good, assuming she wasn't lying and wasn't tricking him but how the fuck was he supposed to get out? “oh right, the collar will turn off after, ten minutes? I assume you can get out from there, see you soon then.” and with that, she was gone, literally disappearing in a puff of white smoke. Ten minutes later bakugou blew up the cuffs around his wrists and the chair beneath him.

It was probably a trap. It was almost certainly a trap, fuck somewhere deep inside he knew you wouldn’t be there but it was all he had and he was desperate. what was he supposed to do if you really were dead? he had given his heart and soul to you, was he just supposed to forget about all that and try again with someone new?  He picked up the tracking device with shaky hands. There was a little red dot on a map labeled with your entails and a little blue dot with his entails. You were close, so close. He took a deep breath. He had to be smart about this call for help. there had to be someone at the agency must be able to figure out if it was real or not. He shouldn't go. He should get out of here.

He started running towards you.

It was a normal day. You hated the thought of a routine with these people. But what else were you supposed to do besides accept this reality? The villains laughed loudly and drank without a care in the world. You closed your eyes and rested your head against the wall. You would try and fail to sleep, then enviably someone would shatter glass and they would need your help.  At least you were alone in your cell. 

Then came the deafening blast. Then silence, or maybe there was noise, you couldn't really tell over the ringing in your ears. It didn't even cross your mind that it could have been bakugou. You looked around panicked, did you dare hope for a chance at escape? 

The door to your room was knocked off its hinges into the opposite wall. You didn't believe your eyes as you watched bakugou stormed into the room. It couldn't be real it had to be a dream or a hallucination. It couldn't be his hands the ripped your chains out of the wall.

He brushed the hair gently out of your face as his crimson eyes scanned over your damaged body. “you look like shit babe,” he whispered to you in his grave voice. It had been so long since you had heard that voice. Tears sprung to your eyes as you clung to him. You barred your face in his neck taking him in with all your senses. If you could see his face you would see him crying too. He lifted you easily, you had lost a terrifying amount of weight since he had last seen you. “Don't cry on me you big baby It's okay,” he said in what might have been a comforting tone.

No one tried to stop him as he carried you out of that damned bar. He held you close to his chest listening to your sob into his shoulder. Even though you were crying and hurt he was ecstatic. Because you were alive and it was his turn to heal you.

[missnight0wl]

For the ask meme thing, can you do Penny, Ben, Merula, Charlie and Skye?

Well, it turned out rather lengthy. I was even considering splitting it to separate posts, but I don’t know… I ended up putting it under the cut. If anyone actually cares about it and prefers similar analyses to be in shorter posts, let me know!

Penny

First impression:

“A popular blonde girl? Well, all right, I guess.”

Impression now:

“Why. Are. You. Everywhere?”

So yeah, I’m among people tired of seeing Penny in almost every side quest while also being very prominent in the main story. The difference is that, for me, it started already at some point in year 4. 

I’m not saying that she’s a bad character or anything, but I just feel like her potential is terribly wasted for the sake of putting her on the screen, even without rhyme or reason. One thing that bothers me is that Penny is flawed – which on its own is a really GOOD thing. The problem is that it’s not being explored but usually just excused by circumstances instead. Penny is impulsive and she performs badly under pressure, but we see it mostly in situations like after Scarlett’s death, after Beatrice went missing/got trapped, after Merula stole her potion – and it’s never addressed after. And I believe it should, especially in situations like the last case I mentioned. Sure, it’s understandable that Penny wanted to get justice and recognition she deserved, but also the fact that she went straight to making someone impersonate a professor… feels a bit extreme.  What I’m trying to say is that it’d be beneficial for Penny to make her flaws more “part of her”, in a way. For example, when we were considering both Penny or Charlie for the Portrait Vault, I wanted someone to say that Penny indeed might want to help because of personal involvement, but she also performs badly when strong emotions are involved.

Another thing is that even the thing which should be Penny’s main strengths (gossiping, “personal network”) are almost meaningless for the main story. Like, I don’t recall any situations where she used her connections to learn something about Jacob from older students etc. It’d be great to see her researching Rakepick alongside Tulip during year 4, too, yet Tulip was doing it alone. There was one situation in Y4Ch4:

… but even if you say “yes”, it’s never brought up again. Of course, using Penny’s gossiping more effectively means more Penny in the game, and we don’t really need that. So it’s rather the idea for how her character should’ve been written from the beginning: remove her from side quests which do absolutely nothing for her character, and use what you gave her from the start. Because currently, Penny feels kind of empty…

Favorite moment:

I’m not sure if I have one, to be honest. It’s not that I hate all of them, but none is particularly special for me. I did like our conversation from Y6Ch11 about Beatrice which showed that Penny can work on accepting changes:

Too bad that it was quickly thrown to trash since everyone loses their minds because of that stupid escapee, so…

Idea for a story:

I don’t want more stories with Penny so I don’t really have ideas for one.

More seriously, though, it’d probably be something involving acknowledgement of Penny’s flaws and working on improvement. Something that would expand the scene I mentioned above.

Unpopular opinion:

I feel like a lot of things I discussed already are unpopular opinions… Still, here’s something else:

Penny’s hairstyle is ugly. There, I said it. I know it’s silly, but it bothers me ever since I saw it for the first time in the game. I can agree that Penny is a stereotypically pretty girl, but the hairstyle kind of ruins the whole design. It’s just… so unnecessarily complicated. Like, it’s 4 in 1: hair down, two braids on the sides, a braid on bangs, and a knot on a back. Just pick two, it’d be much better! I can’t help but think that it was a “bring your child to work” day at Jam City, and some 5-years-old was like: “I want her to have this, and this, and this… and this!”. The hairstyle doesn’t have to be super complex to be impressive and draw attention.

Favorite relationship:

Hm, probably with Chiara. The first Halloween TLSQ is a hot mess, but the relationship between those two girls, how Penny overcome her fear, was a really nice element.

Favorite headcanon:

Penny having her own Apothecary at Diagon Alley or in Hogsmeade. I imagine she’d have many propositions to become a professor etc., but I think she’d like to have her own place where she can do her experiments, maybe give advice to her customers. She’d probably be in touch with Liz because of the ingredients (I can see “no creatures were hurt” labels). Oh, and with Chiara too, perhaps to help her with the Lycanthropy cure.

Ben

First impression:

“Either you have a great story or you’ll be used as comic relief.”

Impression now:

“Stop using my boy’s story as comic relief!”

Of course, that’s an oversimplification. But there is something about it that Ben was never really presented… seriously. First, it was his anxiety which was usually being exaggerated, and I assume it was partially to make it look funny. It was only during classes when we could find out that Ben’s father is an actuary, that there’s a ghost at his house and Ben’s parents didn’t believe him about it, that he was bullied in his Muggle school. All of that are very real reasons for his insecurity to develop. And I think that we should’ve talked more about that. Because now, people are used to Ben not being serious, and when they see lines like:

… they also don’t take him seriously. Hell, I’m not sure the writers take him seriously when I see something like that.

I really don’t mind New Ben, but I do think it could’ve been much better executed. Especially when it comes to what led to his change – which brings us back to how terribly bad Y5Ch30 was…

Favorite moment:

His part in the O.W.L.s TLSQ:

Idea for a story:

Any story explaining some of many mysteries Ben holds.

Unpopular opinion:

I’m not sure if it’s an unpopular opinion, but I think that whether or not you (mostly) trusted Ben in the previous years, it should’ve had a bigger impact on the relationship between him and MC in year 6. I’m also really bothered that we’re not getting an option to tell him that he was brave even in the past. I know that a lot of situations showing Ben’s courage were optional, but still. I’d like to remind him that he was already protecting his friends when he took the spell on himself during the attack at the beginning of year 5, or when he disarmed Rowan put under Imperius. Those are constant points in the story.

Favorite relationship:

Definitely with Charlie. I’m really upset that the writers didn’t pay much attention to that, and we only got glimpses of Charlie being supportive of Ben. Still, it was really endearing and enough to steal my heart.

Also, I want to mention here the relationship between Ben and Rowan, because it’s another thing that I wish would be elaborated more. I mean, I understand that it was overshadowed in later years by Rowan being suspicious, but I feel like what we’re kind of forgetting is that they’re part of the original trio: MC, Rowan, and Ben. I’m not including Penny here, because yes, she was there since year 1, but she’s a popular girl, a friend of everyone. The trio was a group of awkward kids, not exactly fitting to the rest. And while Rowan was always closer to MC, they cared about Ben as well (I believe they did all that time and still do). When Ben went missing, Rowan was really upset:

I really hoped we’ll get more of them growing back closer after Y5Ch19, but… yeah.

Favorite headcanon:

Ben becoming a healer. He’d be great at this, not only because he’s a powerful wizard, but also because his patients will appreciate his calming attitude – that is when Ben overcomes his own trauma.

Merula

First impression:

“Well, I guess you have to be in that game.”

Impression now:

“Well, I guess you have to be in that game.”

I’m not even being sarcastic. My current opinion on Merula is pretty much the same as it was at the beginning: I don’t really care. There were some changes on the way, of course, from “Woah, you’re an intense one, huh?”, to “Can you just leave me alone?”, to some small hope in year 4 that she might be turn into something interesting, to finally end with total disappointment after our meeting at the Three Broomsticks in Y5Ch2.

I never really had high hopes for Merula, simply because the whole “enemies to friends” and whatnot is not really my thing. I might end up liking it, but it’s not something I’m seeking for on my own. So I was more like: “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes since I’m already here anyway”. And… it didn’t really go anywhere. Some months ago I wrote a post about Merula not changing throughout the story (you can find it here), and sadly, I think it’s still true. And personally, at this point, I just accepted that Jam City can’t handle her arc properly. But I also know that they think that they need such character to be included, just because.

Favorite moment:

When Merula was defeated by Torvus and MC looked really happy about it (even though I know it was likely just a coincidence).

Seriously though, I don’t think I have one.

Idea for a story:

The story I really wish to see – and which is crucial for Merula’s redemption arc to even begin – is Merula acknowledging things she’s done to people, where she apologies for that and at least try to treat them better. I’m talking here not only about MC, but also about the others (it could be actually more important, in my opinion). You know, something similar to “A Christmas Carol” might’ve been interesting. Now, I’m talking more about the idea, I don’t think Merula should get the whole Christmas quest for herself – although it’d be more satisfying and meaningful than taking her to the Burrow.

And make it part of the main story, not some side quest lost in the timeline!

Unpopular opinion:

The opinions on Merula are so polarised that I guess everything might be considered unpopular. So hm…

All right, here’s the thing. I can’t really feel sorry for Merula about what happened in the Portrait Vault. Not because I think she deserved it or anything – absolutely not. I don’t want her to suffer either physically or emotionally. But the reason why I am not emotional about THAT scene is because it was just so… pointless and stupid. It doesn’t make sense for anything.

First of all, I can’t see it as Rakepick betraying her trust since she didn’t use her admiration for her own benefit at all. Like… ugh. If Merula didn’t like Rakepick at that point, it’d change nothing. Also, what’s the point of it for Merula’s character anyway? The game tries to tell us that she regressed because of that, but there was little to no progress, to begin with. She treated people badly before, she does it after - they’re the same picture. It didn’t even make Merula realise that she shouldn’t idolize powerful people only because they’re powerful – she’s doing the exact same thing with her “crush” on Jacob!

Favorite relationship:

Don’t really have one. To be fair, we don’t know much about Merula’s relationships. And from what we know, I’d say they’re more or less toxic, so I just can’t really call any of them my favourite. That being said, I’m quite curious about her relationship with Diego. I wouldn’t call it a friendship from what we’ve seen, but she was treating him… decently? And is it even a thing anymore? Yet another thing that could’ve been explored more.

Favorite headcanon:

Again, don’t really have one.

Charlie

First impression:

“What have I done to deserve your support?”

Impression now:

“What have you done, my boy, to be treated so terribly by the writers?”

Let’s start by saying that I still think that Charlie is arguably the most supportive of our friends overall. It’s not that the others are not, it’s just that Charlie’s role in year 4 is very prominent to me – especially when we keep in mind that Bill told us that Charlie wanted to help us already at the end of year 3, so before we (and Charlie) could’ve known that it’ll involve the Forbidden Forest. But then… something happened in year 5, and I just don’t get it. I’m still upset that they wrote him as if he had never anything to do with the Cursed Vaults if you take him to the Portrait Vault. Then, he had a pretty nice moment in year6 when he offered his help with Trelawney’s prophecy:

… and then we had a recent situation with Ben. And to be frank, I get Charlie here. In fact, it was probably healthy for him to finally “snap”. Because when you think about it, Charlie and MC have one important thing in common: they deal with emotions by ignoring them. After Ben’s attack in year 4, Charlie focused first on helping us with the Forest Vault, then on helping Ben. Right after the Portrait Vault, he focused on Bill. In year 6, he focused on his brothers, he immediately caught the opportunity to focus on helping MC with the prophecy. The only reason why he told us about wanting to leave for Romania was that MC wanted to meet with him. So yeah, Charlie has plenty suppressed emotions – just like MC does.

There’s also another problem with that scene, in my opinion. You see, while you can say: “Well, he knew what he was signing for by befriending MC”, and I can agree that he should know that… I don’t think he does. Or rather the writers don’t acknowledge that. It’s something I’m noticing more and more often since the end of year 5 (not only with Charlie). Because when you look at what Charlie said, she referenced only that: Rakepick’s betrayal and the present events. And it simply doesn’t make sense. Why it’s the escapee that he’s worried about? He should be worried that even with Rakepick gone, someone might be controlled and forced to hurt their friends. That HE can be forced to hurt his own brothers or MC. He could’ve both blamed MC for that AND be scared about that. It’d be so much more powerful and meaningful, and just cohesive with the story. And I’m just… so upset about it.

Favorite moment:

Of course, the “Egg Hunt” SQ.

Seriously, it was so good. The ending is adorable, but I really like it as the whole. It treated Charlie really well. It used his passion for dragons, but also showed him as a good friend, and we got a glimpse of his resourcefulness when it comes to earning money, for example (and his tendency to do crimes!).

Idea for a story:

Anything showing more of his personality. He’s going to basically represent the Order of the Phoenix abroad – show us this charisma. There were already some moments for that in the story, but we need more. Charlie is not only about dragons.

Unpopular opinion:

Hm, it’s sort of related to what I already said about his character being changed in year 5. You see, many people claim that Charlie was ruined in year 5 in general, from the start – and I can’t agree with that. It only happened in the second half. Compare those two scenes, for instance.

Y5Ch13 (if you’re a prefect, there’s no middle line):

And his weird concerns about going to the Prefects’ bathroom by the end of the year:

I don’t know, it almost feels like two different characters to me. Another example is the scene where we met Duncan.

(…)

Charlie’s fans complained that he didn’t react here, and he only thought about a dragon at the end. But listen, here’s a thing… Yes, it was really sweet that Bill went into defensive mode and all, but Duncan is a freaking ghost. He couldn’t do anything to MC. So yeah, of course, Charlie was focused on the passion of his life when there was no real danger. And the fact that he didn’t react to Duncan “insulting” Jacob – well, neither did Bill, because it was a conversation between Duncan and MC, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Also, the chapter ends there, but you know what happens in the next one when we go to meet Torvus? Charlie is there with us, even though we didn’t even ask him (we were with Tulip and Merula when we decided to go there)! And that’s because the Forbidden Forest is where something dangerous might actually happen.

Just because Charlie was less present in year 5 and sometimes showed that he thinks also about himself doesn’t mean that he became a worse friend to MC or cared less about them.

Favorite relationship:

It has to be with Bill. Their bond is sweet and their interactions are often hilarious.

Favorite headcanon:

I really like headcanon about Charlie having magical dragon tattoos which move. I added to it a little that he got the first tattoo with Bill when they went together on a holiday trip around Europe. I wanted it to happen after Bill’s graduation, but it doesn’t really go along with the events of the Portrait Vault in my mind, so maybe it’d be after Charlie’s graduation.

Skye

First impression:

“Are you sure you’re not related to Oliver Wood?”

I mean, they do have a pretty similar mindset about Quidditch…

Impression now:

Honestly, I can’t say much here. I quit the Quidditch storyline right before the first match, and while I took a peek on the plot right after this and the Comet TLSQ, my experience was somewhat limited. I can say that I definitely enjoyed her the least from the new characters. I suppose she’s just not my type of a person.

Favorite moment:

As I said, I didn’t really like interacting with her, but her scenes with Orion were pretty entertaining (I know I’m cheating because it’s more about Orion than Skye, but shhh…).

Idea for a story:

Again, I don’t care about Quidditch so I didn’t give much thought to that. But I suppose it’d be interesting to see the Quidditch gang interacting with the regular gang (though I’m fairly certain it won’t happen).

Unpopular opinion:

I don’t really have an unpopular opinion on Skye, but here’s one for the Quidditch content in general: it’s pretty boring. I’m kind of biased since I wasn’t interested in that addition, to begin with, but I gave it a shot. The characters are all right, the gameplay mechanisms are not the worst for a mobile game, but overall? I’m disappointed.

First of all, it doesn’t even feel like it’s about Quidditch. I wanted them to at least pretend that some sports strategic are involved. For example, before the first match, I’d like to hear that the opposing team has a new keeper so it might be good to choose a move based on distraction etc. Anything. It always brings down to the question: “Which new character you like the best?”. And speaking of characters, while I can agree that they are well-written (mostly), I really don’t think they were needed. I’d like it much more if the time spent on their creation was dedicated to developing the ones from the main story. Finally, I wish Quidditch chapters were being released along with the main chapters, simply because with the current schedule, year 6 will last forever. It’s not really a problem for me personally, but I just don’t want to think about people whining twice as much as it was with year 5. Not to mention forgetting the plot… 

The Quidditch addition was hyped as if it was the best thing to happen since the release of the game. But in my opinion, it might be the worst.

Oh, and I just thought about something more Skye related. The way they presented Parkin’s Pincer? It’s a damn foul, and nobody can tell me otherwise. You’re basically throwing off another player of their broom. Seriously, what the hell?

Favorite relationship:

With Orion, I guess?

Favorite headcanon:

I kind of go along with headcanon that she has a pretty heavy Scottish accent. I’m not sure now if I stole it from @/wilhelminafujita or I saw it circulating in more places…

[borrovved]

Off Season pt 2

part 1

kinda like that one taylor swift song but not really, promise. instead, it involves basketball

jaehyun x reader

word count: 2,543

Summary: Jaehyun does something unexpected for what he believes is the cutest band nerd ever- you.

It was a race against time to see who can type a response the fastest, it seemed like. The group chat is always like that after something insane happens, like Doyoung getting hit on by a guy (who is totally out of his league), Yeri passing the Great Gatsby test with flying colors in english class when a majority of the class made below sixty percent, and you, having the school’s cutest boy taking you out in an hour.

“What do I say to him during the date? I can’t make conversation for shit when I’m under pressure.” you say while Yeri curls a strand of your hair. You were too worried that you would burn your fingers considering how you’re so frazzled at the moment.

Doyoung holds your fluffy cat close to his chest and absent-mindedly responds, “I think you’re making this a bigger deal than it is.”

Yeri huffs while starting on the next strand of hair, “I think you’re not getting the big picture. What if this date turns out amazing and they start going out? She will become the it girl among the band and the locals!”

“Yeri, stop calling them locals. It’s demeaning and makes them sound like bland people. You don’t even know the popular kids enough to label them like that.” you say.

Yeri chuckles,”You know damn well those kids are boring and have no ounce of weirdness in them. They. Are. Locals.”

“What if Jaehyun is boring and doesn’t respond well when you show him memes?” Doyoung says, now fully aware of the situation.

You sigh.”We’re so getting off track. Help me think of what to say!”

Yeri soundly responds,“Honey, it’s no big deal. Talk to him like you would talk to us. He’s probably freaking out like you, because you know, you’re such a babe.”

Doyoung giggles at you swatting at Yeri for her comment.

“Only he gets to call me that.” you say with flushed cheeks.

“Alright, fine, fine. From this moment on we will be actually helpful.” Yeri says.

“Make sure you don’t talk too much about yourself, makes you look full of yourself.” Doyoung says while petting the cat.

“Ask how his friends are like...and mention us if you wanna.” Yeri says. The last part was barely audible.

“You want to get with his friends, don’t you Yeri.” Doyoung says, more as a statement than a question.

“Want me to burn you with this curling wand? And so what if i want to get with his friends? Leave me be.” Yeri says.

“Doyoung, do you know what would be fun?” you say.

“What, Y/N?”

“Guessing which boy she likes.”

“My money is on Ten.” You can visibly see Yeri grip the curling wand out of the corner of your eye.

“Shut up..” she says quietly. You smile, realizing that your friend is doing you a huge favor, and that you should return the favor as well.

“I’ll ask him if he’s available.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know.”

 You turn in your seat to fully face her.

“I need to finish your hair-”

“Yeri, you’re doing my hair. You’re here for me. You could be doing anything else way better than this, but you chose to stick by me. I want to do it, so let me.” you say.

“Accept the favor, accept the favor!” Doyoung whisper yells.

“Alright. You can ask, now turn back around. I’m almost done.”

-

Yeri and Doyoung hug you before they leave, both wishing you good luck. Jaehyun arrives any minute now, and you feel confident. All those nerves from before has turned into bewildering excitement. Even if this date crashes and burns, you look great and feel great.

It felt like the text couldn’t come any sooner, but you finally get the “here” text. You race out of your room and bid your mother a kiss goodbye, and nonchalantly walk out of your house like it’s no big deal. Jaehyun greets you by rolling down his window and flashing those adorable dimples. He gets out of his car to give the most gentle hug you’ve ever received. He held you like a china doll and it made your heart feel so full. He grabs your hand and walks you to the passenger side. He of course opens the door for you. You were worried you would hit your head getting in and make a fool of yourself. So far, so good.

His next actions make you want to combust. You expected him to open the door like a gentleman, but what you didn’t expect were those five words.

“Can I hold your hand?” Your eyes widen at the question.

“While you drive? Is that safe?”

He lets out the most melodic laugh pass his lips. 

“We’ll be fine.”

With that being said, you offer your hand and hope that they’re not as clammy as you think they are. 

-

The drive to the little boba cafe was quiet and peaceful. The only time Jaehyun let go of your hand was to move the gear shift and unbuckle his seatbelt. Walking into the cafe, he continued holding your hand.

“You’ve been here a few times, right?” he asks.

“Plenty.” you smile up at him. You remember the numerous times you, Yeri, and Doyoung have been here. It was the hang out place for your school, so many people would visit. There have been multiple times where both Jaehyun and you were there at the same time, sharing glances at each other from across the room. Neither of you knew how into each other you were- so oblivious to feelings shared. It was highly obvious to friends surrounding, though.

Jaehyun offers to order for both of you, and thank god he did, because the nerves are coming back and you’re worried you’ll be a stuttering mess. You both get situated on the table near the window. Along the window were pretty fairy lights around the border. Such small and delicate lights made Jaehyun’s eyes beam in the most beautiful way; the reflection in his eyes reminded you of stars. It was impossible to look him straight in the eyes when he looked that charming and handsome.

“Tell me about yourself.” His words snapped you out of your trance and brought you back to reality.

You softly smile and nervously put a strand of hair behind your ear. Simple stuff like that keeps your anxious hands occupied.

“I’m co-section leader of the clarinet section, I’m a cat lover but dogs are still a weakness for me, I always wanted to have my hair lilac, and I love doing what I do- performing.”

Jaehyun intently listens as you tell him about yourself. He has his chin resting in the palm of his hand, a habit he has to keep his nervous hands at bay. He’s lost in the way your mouth moves and the way words roll off your tongue. Everything you say sounds like a catchy tune he can put on repeat all the time. You’re so beautiful, yet so unaware of it.

“You sound passionate about music, can you go into more depth about it? I love artsy people. There’s something inviting about them.”

You blush. “Am I inviting?”

“So much so, I can listen to you all day.”

You vividly remember Doyoung telling you not to blabber so much about yourself, but in this moment, you’re going to hang onto every little command Jaehyun gives. 

“I love the ache in my hands when I’ve been holding my clarinet for too long, it means I’ve been playing for a long time, which means progress, which means hard work being made. I strive for progress. I want to be better than I was yesterday, and better than I am today and tomorrow. I don’t know what I would be playing without the clarinet. The flute is pretty but it takes too much air, saxophone players have such big egos, but so do trumpet players. The clarinet is just..for me.”

“Go on.” he urges.

“I wish the band got more recognition. They work so hard as a unit, they grow as a family. It’s very near and dear to my heart. I don’t know where I would be without this program, and I don’t see myself anywhere else. I just wish we had more funds. The band grows each year, and some students don’t have the access to purchase their own instruments, so the program lends it to them.”

The guy behind the counter already called for your order, but Jaehyun is so engrossed into what you have to say, he doesn’t want to leave his spot.

“The thing is, we’re limited on everything. Some school owned instruments are ten years old. It costs $20,000 for a bass drum. Do you know how many holes are put into those things? Percussionists have no self control.” Jaehyun chuckles at your statement. He feels like he’s speaking to the band director himself.

“Go get our drinks, all this talking is burning the hell out of my throat.” You pretend to be exhausted and start fanning yourself.  Jaehyun lets out a beaming smile, and does what you asked. 

Not only has Jaehyun learned how passionate you are, he learned about how compassionate you are with the people around you. He’s in love with how big your heart is and how much care you put into your craft. You of course ask if Ten is seeing anybody for Yeri’s sake, and Jaehyun’s heart drops for a second, thinking the question was for you to ask. You chuckle and smoothly say you have a way hotter guy in front of you. This time he’s right in front of you, so you can see the blush forming on his cheeks. It’s not your imagination.

The date unfortunately comes to an end, and he has to take you home. Before he lets you go though, he spares you a kiss on the forehead. Again, the group chat goes bonkers. Doyoung says “he should’ve went in with a proper kiss, a real one.” Yeri says “who gives a rat’s ass, a kiss is a kiss.”

On Jaehyun’s end, things go down similarly. Ten tells him “Good job, I hope you had a good time :)” and Johnny says “you aren’t even that tall, you could’ve totally bent over and ACTUALLY kiss her. Dumb ass.”

All night, Jaehyun thinks of ways to thank you for the night shared between you two. He could kiss you next time, but he thinks it’s too sudden. He could take you on another date, but he wants to do something more grand. Something that will pull at your heart strings and put the biggest smile on your face. Something you won’t forget. It suddenly hits him once he thinks over all those things you said about your biggest love- band. He runs down the stairs of his house and begs his mom to make several dozens of her infamous cookies.

“Um, why?”

“Just please say yes.”

“Fine, but you owe me.” 

You were in on the best gift a boy has ever given you.

-

The weekend rolled around and you wasted more time doing nothing than you care to admit. The walk in the hallway is always bustling and loud, but on this Monday morning, everything seems to be more eccentric. The sounds weren’t surrounding you, it was coming from one source and one source only. A large group of people were bunched together in no particular order. You couldn’t see the commotion for yourself yet, because Yeri and Doyoung came running towards your way with cookies in hand.

“Did you put him up to this? You’re such a genius!” Doyoung exclaims.

“So like..did y’all bang or something? Spell coconut with your hips maybe?” Yeri says with a mouthful of cookies.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, and no! We’ve only been on one date!”

“A lot can happen in a few days..” Doyoung says.

“What the hell is going on? Someone, anyone, please tell me.”

“Wait..you seriously have no idea?” Yeri says, shocked.

“Was there a fight or something?”

“So like..you have no idea where we got these cookies?” Doyoung stammers.

“I figured it was from the cafeteria and plus, this isn’t the center of the issue here.” you usher at the large group of people nearby.

“Jaehyun is selling cookies for the band so we can buy more equipment! Isn’t that amazing?” You’re at a standstill as soon as Yeri lets the words spill out of her mouth. Your heart started beating faster than you could think, and your ears started heating up like mad.

You immediately barged your way through the crowd to find Jaehyun. Were you going to thank him? How are you supposed to react? You were thankful for sure, but shocked anyone would go out of their way to do an act of kindness like that for you. You finally found him, smiling and accepting money from people as Johnny handed out cookies. 

You're staring at Jaehyun once again like that Friday night during the basketball game. He's stunning, not just in looks, but within his soul. He captured your heart, and the action has you feeling overwhelmed. No one would ever go out of their way to talk to a band nerd like you, let alone do an act as big as this when it doesn't benefit you alone, it benefits a whole union of kids with dreams like yours. He's your biggest dream, and he came to life before your eyes.

"Would you like a cookie? Free of charge." You're brought back to reality once you see Jaehyun right in front of you.

"W-why?"

"What do you mean babe?" If you weren't flustered then, you surely are now.

"Why? Why do this for me?"

"Because people with dreams deserve a wish come true."

"Jaehyun.."

"Take a cookie. Please, I made too much." Both of you laugh, and you gladly accept a cookie or two.

“Did you do this for me?”

“Yes, but I also did it for the band.”

“I know I’m getting repetitive and you already answered this, but just why?” He looked at you fondly and grabbed a hold of your unoccupied hand.

“Because your people aren’t recognized for the effort you do. Not nearly enough as you should be, everyone deserves to be appreciated for the work they do. I want more people to be proud of you- I’m proud of you.”

Tears almost brim your eyes, but you try so hard to hold it back. It’s been a long time since someone outside of the program said they were proud of the band. Your heart starts to swell, and you just break right then, right there. You throw your arms around Jaehyun and bury your face into his chest, and let the tears roll against your cheeks. Jaehyun holds you, and lets you sob softly. You two are in your own world, and you don’t care if people are watching. You loosen your hold on Jaehyun and look deeply in his warm brown eyes.

“You’re unbelievable, did you know that?”

“That’s good though, right?” You crack a small smile.

“Is a G flat the same as an F sharp?”

“Er, yes?”

“Yes, it’s good.”

A/N: this story is very special and important to me because it reflects what my dreams are as a musician, and as a person in an amazing program that is more than just some extra curricular activity. it’s home, it’s work, it’s what i love. thank you so much for reading <3

[apicturewithasmile]

Fishful Thinking

or: What the hell is up with all those fish references?

As I was working on two gif sets (1, 2) showing all (or at least most) of the times Red talks about fish in one way or another, I couldn’t help but wonder if there’s some pattern to these stories. I decided to sort the fish references into the four following categories and put my literary analysis degree to good use

Category 1: There’s always a bigger fish.

Category 2: self-recognition through the fish

Category 3: Beware The Fish!

Category 4: Is this the real life, is this just fanta-sea?

Though some fish references could be put in more than one category, I chose to sort them according to how I’d like to interprete their relevance to the show and Red’s character. Because of the vast amount of fish stories and references throughout the years I cannot possibly talk about all of them but I will still list them all under their respective category for the sake of completeness.

All of that under the cut because it’s long (sorry @ mobile users):

Category 1: There’s always a bigger fish.

1x01 Pilot Red: Zamani was a small fish. I’m Ahab. And if you want the whales on my list, you have to play by my rules.

3x11 Gregory Devry Red: I don’t know. What I do know is if he’s called a meeting and the members are gathering, he’s a very big fish. […] Follow this fish, and you can net the entire school.

5x13 The Invisible Hand Big Willie: Nash? Come on, man. You want to go up against those guys? You’re a big enough fish? Why risk that? | Red: I’m not a big fish, William. I’m Moby Dick.

The first of many fish references happens no sooner than in the Pilot (1x01) itself. Red calls his first Blacklister Ranko Zamani “a small fish” – as opposed to the “whales” he offers up to the FBI in exchange for immunity. Interesting in this scene is that Red refers to himself as “Ahab”, the Captain from H. Melville’s novel Moby Dick. In the book, Ahab is driven by his manic – and subsequently fatal – desire to hunt and kill the big white whale named Moby Dick. In the end this venture costs Ahab his life as well as the lives of all but one of his crew members.

When looking at this scene separately from the rest of the show it’s easy to think of it as ~just a TV show pilot giving us an easy way to characterise their protagonist – and yes, partially that is a purpose this scene serves (note it’s also the scene in which Red gives the show its name, referring directly to his list as “The Blacklist”). However, if we take into account what happens as the show progresses, even just in season 1, the Ahab-reference gains a little more weight, as Red’s “whale hunt” nearly gets him killed (1x10) while also leading to the death of two of his team members, Luli Zeng (1x09) and Newton Philips (1x11), as well as the murder of Task Force member Meera Malik (1x22). All of that for the hunt after the first season’s big fish and main antagonist Berlin, along with (as we will later learn) the undeniably even bigger fish: The Cabal.

Juxtaposing the Ahab-reference is Red’s remark from the episode The Invisible Hand (5x13) where he refers to himself as “Moby Dick” instead of Ahab. On one hand this serves the technical purpose to remind Red’s scene partner (and us, the audience) that Red isn’t just any fish – big or small – in the large tank full of criminals. No, he is in fact the biggest of them all, a legend and he will bring everyone down who tries to harm him. On the other hand it offers up an interpretation of Red knowing that his project – The Blacklist – will inevitably be his own downfall. He is both the hunter and the beast which means the question is less “who will win in the end?” rather than “is there any way out of this other than through his own death?”. This also ties in with the speculations amongst fans that Red himself will turn out to be the No. 1 on the Blacklist as the series comes to an end.

The third and final fish reference in this category is in the episode Gregory Devry (3x11) where the episode’s Blacklister gets called a “big fish” by Red. It’s possible to just brush that off as a somewhat common allegory to think of criminals as big/small fish but I find it noteworthy that it just so happens to be used for the Blacklister who claims to be the ~real Raymond Reddington. Describing Devry as a “big fish” also puts that label on Red by extension. And following ~our big fish Red also leads to the netting of an entire school of criminals aka The Blacklist.

*****

Category 2: self-recognition through the fish

1x21 Berlin Red: I was once on the island of Ko Ri, free-diving in the Andaman Sea. I felt terribly ill stung by a lionfish. I was dehydrated, in excruciating pain. I had lost all sense of time and place. I was completely disoriented. But I knew I was dying, so I readied myself for it. And in that moment, at death’s door, I looked up, and standing over me in the brightness was this landless Moken sea gypsy just standing there, smiling. She and her tribe nursed me back to health, good as new. And when I left the island she kissed me. It was like a burst of sunlight on my cheek. It was – It made nearly dying well worth it. That’s how I feel now.

2x09 Luther Braxton Red: In Mexico, there are these fish that have colonized the freshwater caves along Sierra del Abra.They were lost. They found themselves living in complete darkness. But they didn’t die. Instead, they thrived. They adapted. They lost their pigmentation, their sight, eventually even their eyes. With survival, they became hideous. I’ve rarely thought about what I once was. But I wonder if a ray of light were to make it into the cave, would I be able to see it? Or feel it? Would I gravitate to its warmth? And if I did, would I become less hideous?

4x12 Natalie Luca Red: Losing someone we love is painful. Agonizing even unto death. The Japanese call it tako-tsubo – a grieving surge of abnormal electrical waves that causes the heart to deflate and contort until it resembles a a fishing pot. Hollow and cold, an empty vessel at the bottom of a fathomless sea. I’m sorry for your loss. You have suffered enough of that in your life.

In this category I have grouped together instances in which fish-metaphors or fish-related stories are used to express Red’s inner conflict.

First I want to focus on the two monologues from seasons 1 and 2 as they complement each other very well and can be discussed together. The scenes not only share textual but also structural similarities: both of these monologues are spoken by Red to Lizzy in situations where he or both of them are in a dangerous and/or threatening situation; and they are both part of a season and mid-season finale respectively, which often are episodes with greater exploration of character motivation and inner conflict than there would be time for in a regular episode.

The hideous fish monologue in Luther Braxton (2x09) has been subject of great in-depth discussion in the fandom time and again; especially the Lizzington shippers keep coming back to it, as he is clearly talking about Lizzy when he mentions the “ray of light” and ends with explaining that he didn’t want her to follow him because it would put her in danger. [Sidenote: Anyone who still doubts that he was talking about Lizzy being his “ray of light”, I’d like to direct towards the episode Karakurt 2x21 in which Red invents an alias for Lizzy: “Ginger Lumiere” which literally translates to “Red Light”.]

You can also find a light-reference in the fish story from Berlin (1x21) when Red says “[…] she kissed me. It was like a burst of sunlight on my cheek. [...] It made nearly dying well worth it. That’s how I feel now.” as he is looking up at Lizzy, essentially telling her that despite all the pain and hardships he has gone through and will be facing in the future – it’s worth it because of her. With those two fish stories combined he paints us a pretty cohesive image of how he views himself – the hideous fish who adapted to the darkness that surrounds him and thrives in it; and what Lizzy is to him – a burst of sunlight, the warmth that could have the power to make him less hideous, and arguably even the sea gypsy nursing him back to health.

Interestingly the fish that stung him in his 1x21 story is a lionfish. I’m pointing that out because that same species will get mentioned again in season 4, so I will come back to that when talking about the next category.

In Natalie Luca (4x12) he talks to the young woman who has just lost her boyfriend and it’s evident that he’s not only talking about her loss but also about his recent experience of losing someone he loved – namely when he thought Lizzy had died after giving birth to Agnes. On a textual basis it seems like he’s just talking about Natalie but the camera is positioned in such a way that Natalie’s image is reflected in the window behind which Red sits, effectively merging the two characters together, making it clear that when he’s talking about her, he’s also talking about himself. Thus it is reasonable to assume Red is empathising with Natalie on the basis of grieving their romantic love interest (despite Lizzy having come back from the dead in the meantime, Red is still struggling with the pain Lizzy’s actions have caused him). He then describes Natalie’s and his pain as the heart resembling “a fishing pot. Hollow and cold, an empty vessel at the bottom of a fathomless sea.” Red feels like he has lost his “ray of light” and thus his heart has dropped to the bottom of the sea, into even deeper darkness than ever before, causing him to make decisions as hideous as shooting Kate Kaplan.

On a sidenote, the scene in which Natalie Luca’s boyfriend dies parallels Lizzy’s (fake) death scene very well in terms of camera angles and movements – Natalie being the stand-in for Red; the boyfriend being stand-in for Lizzy.

*****

Category 3: Beware The Fish!

3x15 Drexel Red: Right. Which is why we’re here now. We’ve come for the fugu kimo. | Dembe: Fugu kimo? | Red: Blowfish liver. Contains a poison 1,200 times deadlier than cyanide– so lethal, a single fish can kill 30 grown men.

4x05 The Lindquist Concern Red: Perhaps another go with the candiru fish. I understand they burrow into the most impossible nooks and crannies.

4x07 Dr. Adrian Shaw Red: Have you ever been spearfishing? You should go spearfishing. I love spearfishing. On the Ambergris Caye, there is a reef– | Liz: If there’s a reason you felt this story couldn’t wait, I’d love to hear it, but quickly if possible. | Red: I have a Blacklister for you. They call him The Coroner. | Liz: I just got my baby back, my husband, my family. This can wait. | Red: Lionfish. | Liz: Lionfish? | Red: An aggressive, invasive species threatens the local habitat, leaves destruction in its wake. Sound like anyone we know?

These three make up the group of fish as some form of a danger. Here we see fish used as a torture device by creative torture expert Brimley in 4x05 and mentioned in the form of a potentially lethal meal in 3x15.

The most interesting reference in this category though is the one from Dr. Adrian Shaw (4x07) because as I’ve pointed out above the lionfish which has first been mentioned in 1x21 makes another appearance here. 4x07 is the first part of the mid-season finale and in the beginning of the episode Red makes a point of equating Kirk to the invasive, aggressive and destructive nature of lionfish.

In the second part of this mid-season finale Red will then be tortured and almost killed by Alexander Kirk – a man who believes himself to be Lizzy’s father. In his attempt to get revenge and compensation for the years Kirk has lost with his (thought-to-be) daughter he goes to great and often violent lengths. This culminates in Kirk ~becoming the lionfish from Red’s season 1 story. Kirk injects Red with multiple substances that all build up to Red being in “excruciating pain. [losing] all sense of time and place” and being “completely disoriented.” just like in his story from 1x21. This then leads to Red saying whatever he thinks Kirk wants to hear in order to survive. The result is a (false) confession that Red is Lizzy’s father as well as some (yet-to-be-revealed?) secret whispered into Kirk’s ear which eventually convinces him to let Red walk free. The next time we see Red, he shows up at Lizzy’s doorstep, to visit the burst of sunlight that made nearly dying well worth it (whether that is still Lizzy at this point or the title has been handed over to Agnes is open for speculation).

*****

Category 4: Is this the real life, is this just fanta-sea?

4x09 Lipet’s Seafood Company Red: Marlin– that’s not a very common name. I knew a Marlin when I was young. Marlin Trout. One boy, two fish names. Funny.

4x22 Mr. Kaplan Conclusion Red: Ho Chi Minh City! That’s it. I got away from you aboard that catfish trawler on the Saigon River. My God, the humidity. But fun times indeed. More to come, Agent Gale. More to come.

5x15 Pattie Sue Edwards Red: Smokey, as you well know, Heddie did not take a powder. She’s lying in her bed right now, sneezing and wheezing, swollen up like a puffer fish. I’m afraid all the dogs and cats finally got the best of her.

5x22 Sutton Ross Liz: I’ll get you for this. | Red: You’ll try, but there’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore, looking like an idiot.

6x03 The Pharmacist Red: On a side note, I once went fly fishing for a cutthroat trout in the Roaring Fork Valley, where, inexplicably, I stumbled upon Justice Antonin Scalia may God rest his soul and, boy, did we have some real barn burners. My word, that man could argue. Six hours, hip deep in whitewater, and with all the yelling, neither of us got so much as an alevin.

7x01 Louis T. Steinhil Red: But I’ve been paralyzed before. The spine of a blowfish pierced my wet suit off Pit–

Some fans have wondered how much truth there really is in stories such as “Marlin Trout” (4x09) or fly fishing with Justice Scalia (6x03). Even the lionfish story from 1x21 can be up for debate. Did Red really experience all this or is he making it up for the sake of a nice metaphor, to buy himself time, distract his opponent? Is it realistic for one man to be stung by two poisenous fish (a lionfish and a blowfish) on two separate occassions? And how did a former KGB agent (if we assume he really is Ilya Koslov) know a Marlin Trout when he was young and presumably growing up in Russia?

But what all the fish-references in the fourth category have in common is that they are used for comic relief. I guess it’s also safe to assume that after so many seasons and fish stories to which the fans reacted positively, some of these later fish references are purely there as Easter eggs for fan service and one can hardly blame the writers for that. The most recent one from Louis T. Steinhil (7x01) was a good example of using a fish reference just so the fans could cross that off their Blacklist Bingo chart.

Especially the bit from The Pharmacist (6x03) sticks out as it is a very obvious nod towards James Spader’s previous TV show Boston Legal in which his character goes fishing in Nimmo Bay where he later gets married by Antonin Scalia in the final episode of the show. Since Red spends the first half of season 6 in prison and we keep getting scenes of him defending himself in court, the writers saw their opportunity for an Alan Shore homage and they took it. Well done.

*****

That’s it, I hope some of you made it all the way to the end. There’s not really a conclusion to this except that I don’t think there really is some deeper meaning behind the many fish references other than the writers and/or James Spader obviously being into fish very much. The fish world offering a vast selection of potential metaphors and stories also fits in nicely with (the real) Raymond Reddington having been a Naval Intelligence Officer.

So long, and thanks for all the fish!

[theorynexus]

59:  The Continuing Adventures of Dave and Roxy, as well as the concerns assailing them.

Yay, the Charleston!   (Boo the fact that if Jake’s targeted by a sniper, Dave can’t so easily react by slowing down time and tackling him out of the way, or whatever!)

***sagenods, despite never having had anything like his own experience, myself***

It’s good to see that in quantifiable terms, there. Also good to see Dave’s awkward insecurity on the matter never faded away during those recognition stages. It makes it at least 1000% funnier. Ask Colonel Sassacre.

HA!   Also:  I love to see that paranoia in action, ramping up the comedy value even more and legitimizing my previous statement that this was funny, which some people would consider incredibly rude, probably! It is also interesting to think of the fact that the 30-70% enumeration suggests he goes back and forth as far as which of the two sexes he is apparently considering legitimate “targets” of his interest (troll biology/sexuality didn’t cease to be probably quite different from human reproductive systems, or anything, and Calliope/cherubs in general may very well be hermaphroditic either in a simultaneous or sequential manner, so I obviously have to recognize them here).  Obviously, there’s also the possibility he’s just not thinking of such other sexes due to is human upbringing on earth, were intersex members of society are relatively rare, and thus the idea that there are only two sexes tends to widely be embraced by (most, but increasingly not all) members of the Western society/civilization he dwelt in. I don’t blame him for his upbringing: everyone brings their own baggage into their later life.

Yeah... the Stralondes bring some interesting genetic factors to the table. I am not sure how much that actually directly influences things. Part of the issue is probably Bro’s impact on his life, which exposed Dave to a great deal of sexual material and almost undeniably stunted his growth in weird ways.   (Note: I do not suggest that his apparent self-labeled bisexuality is a result of his growth being stunted, regardless of the fact that one’s early life does indeed have an impact on one’s later identity; rather, I am merely suggesting that Bro’s influences, while dramatically increasing his capacity for survival in SBURB, and thus technically being instrumental to everything that followed, gave him psychological issues which everyone must admit made him struggle quite a bit over the years.   It may be likely that he would have developed the same sexual dispositions regardless of the scars Bro inflicted on him [both emotional and physical], but we can never truly know, for Time is weird: issues are entangled.)

Dirk, you named yourself after a Platonic work!   How can you not understand how great and important relationships which reach to the point of bonds between souls and transcend the physicality of sexual relations can be?!?!?!

GAH, I just... sometimes, you really can’t expect reasonable thoughts from this guy, can you?

On the other hand, let’s just all take a moment to celebrate the irony of “... even my harshest critics would never accuse me of such cruelty” from Dirk Strider. Best. Fricking. bundle of words that ever emerged from his mouth, probably.

I would argue that even without the opposition, displays of gender are by no means culturally vestigial in the same way that fashion generally is not. It’s a direct reflection of the soul, projected outward.  (Like a person’s hat, or shirt. [Dirk having a hat on his shirt was not just a reflection of the fact that he was “kid bro,” or whatever, but was actually an early suggestion of his Heart aspect.]) Obviously, this is limited by the resources, imagination, and environment/occupation of the individual involved, and there are in fact numerous things which are more important for a person in reality, but that doesn’t mean that it’s something to be dismissed like that altogether.

***cough projected future dramatic irony, cough***   Also ironic insofar as I am not 100% sure he actually cares about Roxy’s identity/gender issues so much as he might find them annoying and boring to be dragged through. Somewhat ironic+hilarious for a fellow Heart player to find this kind of thing unbearable, if so.   Maybe it’s just the Prince in him.

It is good of you to be concerned for her well-being, I suppose. Considering it is your own identity that is at issue, here, I would suggest you hold a little more weight, but regardless, this is good.  As for the matter of your transformation and dissatisfaction with your hair as it is now:  I suppose Dave’s step by step relation of his own journey as made quite an impression on you.   Hopefully, you do not feel jealous, but rather, patiently continue to contemplate your own path and, as Alt!Calliope suggests you might think, head toward a more potent and firm+real understanding of your own identity+self.  It is okay to be uncertain and questioning, for now.  I’m sure the shakiness of first steps will give way to confidence naturally in due time. These things are not easy, obviously, but reaching out to someone who’s had similar struggles is a good choice: it will likely make things easier, especially since he’s someone you can dependably put your trust in, despite his flippant, awkward attitude in general. (Also: on a more abstract note, it is interesting to see Roxy ascribing meaninglessness to her hair choice, and expressing lack of understanding on her identity issues. Very tight writing, on Hussie’s part, making the kids reflect their aspects and struggle so keenly with things relating to them.)

Given the fact that Cherubs naturally have very violent sex and spend eons before their first (and only?) sexual encounter, that’s not really much of an insult, if “virgin” should ever be considered one to begin with.  Pompous is definitely more accurate and applicable, though. Also:  Hooray, actually saying things, and getting the size of his text back again! (I am not actually really cheering for Dirk so much as I am finding it interesting for the sake of the ongoing conflict acting as an undercurrent to the storytelling, right now. It’s truly fascinating to see two narrators fighting amongst themselves like this! )

Everything about this (especially Alt!Calliope’s confidence and her “’human tanties’” line) is incredibly amusing. I love it.

Lil Cal might beg to differ. But that is a complicated tangent which does not deal with this version of Dirk directly.     (Preemptive Edit:  Also funny because of the fact that Doc Scratch is literally a walking, talking puppet with a Dirk inside.)

Yes, justifying toying with your friends because you know them and have investment in their lives therefore is indeed very logical, reasonable, and highly rational of you to do. Thank you for this brilliant insight into the human condition.

Oh, so this is now a reference to the Charles Whitman shootings at the University of Texas?   That is a very interesting and curious choice to portray Dirk’s derangement with, especially considering the earlier statement about Dirk knowing solitude in a similar manner to Alt!Calliope’s own knowledge of it.    (Almost appropriate, considering she basically destroyed the fabric of Paradox Space to kill her brother in cold blood [the way revenge and Eternity are best served], but I guess this is a digression~)

I wonder if he really intends this, or if it is in fact a ruse in order to time things perfectly such that he can in fact shoot Alt!Calliope in Jade’s body without her initially expecting it. Particularly since, if I am thinking of the correct gun, it actually shoots portals that allow for ridiculously long range shots that would normally be impossible.

Wow, that is cold, Alt!Calliope, throwing Rose under the bus like that.   Also:  I suddenly have “ Do the impossible, see the invisible. Row! Row! Fight the power! Touch the untouchable, break the unbreakable. Row! Row! Fight the power!” playing in my head, as if this were a flash animation. That thought process really puts things in perspective, if this is supposed to be  (at least to him) a tale of Dirk fighting against causality and the will of Paradox Space to make things become irrelevant and to fade out of perception.

Guaranteed to blow [somebody’s] mind.

She warned you about---

History repeating itself.

Such anime. Such wonders.  Man, this is really fricking interesting, seeing Dirk and Calliope actually going at it on a twinned physical and metaphysical battlefield!   It’s like we’re finally being shown a cherub predomination contest in action!    (I wonder if Alt!Calliope will eventually fall into caliginous attraction for him. This would be quite amusing.)

Wow, that was probably a bad move taken at an inopportune time. The question is: Is she forced to make that by laws of narrative relevance, or is it a purposeful decision on her part to spitefully turn away from him, despite the likely imminent consequences. On the other hand: This could be a very powerful and shrewd tactic on her part to recruit Dave to serve her purposes. Given his presence at the event, he could either intercept Dirk (I almost called him Bro-- gah!) or save Jake, if led properly. If she is particularly spiteful, she could use him as a sacrificial piece and have him take the bullet instead of Jake, which could be very, very painful to Dirk.

Huh. Despite Terezi’s comment about onions not making people cry, Trolls are inherently averse to them in the same way that dogs are to chocolate, huh? Also, people are Ogres, and Homestuck is Shrek. This is definitely the unadulterated truth. Additionally:   Pffft.  It seems that the idea that the Green Sun Black Hole’s presence making Roxy’s own void less effective for everyone might be true!   Or, alternatively, Dave just knows enough to make the guess. Or both, possibly.

Pffft. She’s oblivious to her own inscrutability!   Perfect. XD That said: YES!   HECK YES!  HECK FRICKING YES, ROXY SHADES!!!   :’D (Oh, and shades are a symbol of the Void [not just because they keep out light, but because they block the eyes, which are symbolic of Light and Heart, but more importantly for this, Light], the same way that alcohol and oceans are. Somewhat surprising that she didn’t have a pair of them already, at this point, if we’re being totally honest.)

Yeah, if it was not obvious that the method of Alt!Calliope informing Dave of this threat would be subtle like that rather than a direct statement/command, then I don’t know what is obvious to you guys.

This, psychologically+sociologically, makes a great deal of sense, considering humans seem to have a natural propensity for feeling distasteful towards some sort of “other,” regardless of what it is. Thus, there’s a double-edged sword involved, quite logically, and somewhat saddeningly, to the otherwise open and accepting mentality that humans seem to have socially adopted in their new environment.       At the same time, the way that this is delivered is horribly hilarious (tragi-comically so), and I’m barely sorry that I find that to be the case.

Yes. Yes, it was cute, indeed. Sad to see it go, somewhat.  But his question is incredibly silly and very awkward, just as is natural for Dave. Thus, I find it acceptable and in-character, not insulting or narrow-minded, as some might.

***laughs alongside them, for indeed, this has all become quite funny, despite the fact that it is a “distaction [sic.]” from the seriousness at hand***

FRICKING...  DANGIT, ALT!CALLIOPE, IF THIS TURNS OUT THE WAY YOUR WORDING IMPLIES IT WILL, I SWEAR...!!!

Okay, so you seem to have just used it as a convenient threat, and worded things such that he had time that he didn’t necessarily clearly have in order to basically take two actions instead of one.   (His jump to save Karkat could have cost Jake his life, or Dave his.)

As I was going to say, but was prevented from doing due to a belief that it would be better to include these lines too:   His statement about her being right about many things clearly, while initially making it seem that he was indeed going to take the shot, heroic death chance or no, almost certainly ensures that this is actually a subterfuge on his part (similar to but a reversal of Caliborn replacing the hats on the king and queen: in this case, he is switching his OPPONENT’s chess pieces’ appearances, making her think he’s targeting one, but is actually going for the other, more crucial target [as should be obvious, given the thematic similarities between Dirk and Caliborn, and the tendency of events in Paradox Space to rhyme with one another]).

Check.

Indeed, indeed. Alt!Calliope senses a similar pattern, quite sensibly, which is fitting with her role as Muse, and her understanding of it. Unfortunately, while she picked up correctly one one such similarity/resonance, it seems she’s missed some others.   I do appreciate this comment on immortality, though. I had not actually thought about that, and this makes his potential actions somewhat more benign. (Not that it would render his later actions as such.)

I really fricking appreciate the “no guts no glory” comment coming right before this extremely gutsy reveal on his part. By saying as such, he could easily be ruining his plan, but he just goes ahead and says it anyway. XD BEAUTIFUL writing, right there.

It was less intelligent of him to narrate his own action so long-windedly, but completely in-character.  It gave her the time required to interject like that. That said: I bet he’s going to fire via voice command or something like that.

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t underestimate your opponents, and you should not announce your belief in the futility of their actions to their faces like a stereotypical villain would!   Also:  WILLPOWER!!!

...   Yet this does not end the page, and despite the fact that it would be a magnificent point to end the post, I will not do so.  I will first say that I was almost certain Dirk was actually in fact successfully hiding something from her when he was messing with his equipment/tech there [and great foresight on his part, to think this far ahead, by the way], and secondly, shall end the post with the actual page’s ending:

I appreciate his continued devotion to realism in sound effects and whatnot.

To be fair, he could be using that term technically and literally, here, but I also very much do believe that he was not, which is unfortunate. v.v Thus, Alt!Calliope’s question is quite valid.   Though my guess is that Dirk’s response will be something along the lines of, “She chose death and you over life with me.”  This might make her a “bitch” in the same way that men in prison who are raped are reported to be one, rather than the typical insulting-particularly-to-women version of the phrase. Regardless, this is uncalled for. ~~~ It is nice to see the fact that Alt!Calliope’s text is getting smaller, now, by the way.

I don’t appreciate this mockery/show boating. It’s quite abrasive and distasteful. I do see it as being rather in-line with what I’d imagine his character would do, given the frustrating situation he was previously put in, though. Also:  This very much resembles what happened when he was first suppressed. There is much hilarity to be found in that, all things considered. Alt!Calliope was definitely a bit more benign in some ways and objective (most of the time), but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t some major similarities between narrators. Additionally:   I do quite love this example of narrative vs. physical action.  I only remember Caliborn/LE and Hussie ever engaging in that sort of contest before.  Well... you could say that there were a few examples of it with the Exiles and Kids/Trolls (like what Bec did to PM’s station, or Sollux’s defense against CD), but they don’t really feel like they were quiiitee substantive enough to count. Regardless!: Very refreshing and interesting, this style of conflict is! Thanks, AH! ... Buuuut there is just a liiitttle tiny bit left over on the page to comment on, so I’ll get to that.  (Oh, also, I totally imagine Jade falling asleep in the classic manner she used to before entering the session, just slumping over with her hands splayed out under her~)

Okaaayyy... if you say so. The fact that tranquilizers can be lethal in doses that are too high does not jive well with your uncertainty, though.   Oh, and also:  WHAAAAT?!  You’re going to leave?!  This is a completely unexpected---   Okay, I can’t and won’t keep up that charade when admittedly the couple of pages I read of Homestuck^2 before freaking out and stopping showed a weird-shaped ship that looked vaguely like a flying fish.    I had tried to forget about that, but the memory suddenly rushed back to me as I read that bit of narration.

Ehh?   Is this suggesting that the Candy epilogue is chiefly narrated by Alt!Calliope?   I mean... it would sortof work out logically, given her very pro-Free Will stance, and the association of Calliope with preferring Candy as food... .

Hmm. This further supports that notion. Iiiif that is the case, Dirk stands as the proxy for LE/Caliborn even moreso than otherwise was clearly the case.  In retrospect, this makes it pretty gosh darned funny that his head got chopped off along with Jack English and Jack Noir (who, holding English’s “lordly sceptre,” and holding reign over the Felt, was OBVIOUSLY an English stand-in, as well  [I still giggle at his sudden use of it like a horse {hitcher} in the middle of the fight]).       Very, veeeeerrry interesting. ~~~ I wonder if Dirk was testing the idea of interjecting himself back into the narrative when he said, “Jake’s ass is mine,” twice, earlier. Oh, and credit to Forgotten Homestuck Facts for the pic compilation, earlier. 

[shaizstern]

Article from NYT: How Not to Apologize in Quarantine

Refusing to accept responsibility is not a sign of strength. It’s a sign of narcissism.

Image: Dominic Kesterton

By Adam Grant

No matter how hard we try to avoid it, we’re all doomed to hurt those we love. In quarantine, despite our best efforts, we’re all destined to annoy those we love.

People are discovering they can’t stand the way their partners chew, talk and brush the cat. One woman even told her partner that if he dropped his pen one more time, they’d be heading for divorce. “This entire experience has made me very much aware that I want a man in my life, just not in my house,” Chris Enss, a comedian, quipped. “Yesterday the man asked me where we keep the spoons. The spoons, for God’s sake! We’ve been married 31 years. The spoons are kept where they always are kept — in the silverware drawer!”

That hit close to home. A few weeks ago, during my annual attempt at cooking (making pancakes), I asked my wife where I could find the spatula. She kindly responded by rolling her eyes.

Since we probably can’t anticipate when our behaviors will irritate others, we need to learn how to make amends afterward. Before the pandemic, the #MeToo movement offered a crash course in how not to apologize. Indeed, some celebrities’ apologies were essentially a second insult, making 2017 not just the year of bad behavior — but also the year of the bad apology.

There’s the if-pology: I’m not saying I did it, but if I did, I would be really sorry.

Then there’s the no-fault apology: Sure, I did something wrong, but I didn’t know it was wrong at the time.

There’s also the pre-pology: I’m owning up to my sins before anyone accuses me, but I’m the real victim here. I have many childhood demons.

And finally, there’s the un-pology: My apology was genuine, but I didn’t do the thing I apologized for, so I hereby deny it.

We know a fake apology when we see it. There’s evidence that if executives apologize for corporate wrongdoing while looking happy, rather than sad, their companies have poorer stock returns over the next three months. Investors pick up on the insincerity.

Apologizing seems to be less of a problem in cultures with stronger norms of collectivism or politeness. In Japan, one company apologized for a train departing 20 seconds early. And in Canada, if you step on someone’s foot, they might apologize.

As a social scientist, I’ve been curious about how we can genuinely express remorse and repair relationships. After combing through the research on apologies, I’ve learned that a good apology has three components.

First, show regret about the impact of your past behavior. “I’m sorry if …” isn’t an apology. It’s an expression of doubt that you did anything wrong. As early as age 5 or 6, children spontaneously say they’re sorry for hurting their peers, and even occasionally their siblings.

A sincere apology acknowledges that your choices negatively affected others. “It’s the acknowledgment of the wrongdoing of the hurt, even if you think you were legitimate and justified,” Esther Perel, a therapist, said recently on my TED podcast, WorkLife. “The acknowledgment involves an element of remorse or guilt — sometimes for what you’ve done to the other person, not necessarily for your own action.”

We’re often so focused on defending our motives that we fail to see and own up to the consequences of our actions. It doesn’t matter whether we intended to hurt someone. The reality is that we did, so we ought to fess up to it.

Second, take responsibility in the present. Refusing to accept responsibility is not a sign of strength. It’s a sign of narcissism.

In many circumstances, we’re too busy finding fault in the other person’s actions and interpretations instead of accepting our role in the problem. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is that something is broken if it’s your responsibility to fix it,” the actor Will Smith explained after having a disagreement with a friend.

“Taking responsibility is a recognition of the power that you seize when you stop blaming people,” he said. “Taking responsibility is taking your power back.”

Third, describe how you plan to improve in the future. You can’t right your wrongs if you don’t explain how you’re going to fix or prevent the problem moving forward.

Some people recommend a fourth step of asking for forgiveness. In my view, we should follow through on our commitments first. After all, integrity is about consistency between words and deeds. Forgiveness shouldn’t be granted when we promise to change. It should be earned once we live up to that promise.

The three steps are relatively easy to undertake. The hard part is finding the motivation to apologize, because it means feeling guilt about having done a bad thing and maybe even some shame at the thought of being a bad person. Psychologists have discovered a good solution to that: When you’ve hurt someone, think about your core values. If compassion, justice or generosity show up on your list, you might realize that apologizing doesn’t mean admitting you’re a bad person. It’s merely a step toward becoming a better person.

What if you’re the one being annoyed during lockdown? It’s worth remembering that when people disappoint us, it’s not because of their actions. It’s because their actions fell short of our expectations. You can’t control what people do, but you can choose not to let their actions drive your emotions.

I didn’t mean to be clueless about where the spatula is, but I’m sorry I was. I understand how exasperating it must’ve been! Knowing the precise location of all utensils is clearly my responsibility as a member of this household. To make sure it doesn’t happen again, I’m putting a temporary, removable label on the spatula drawer until I’ve memorized its location.

Once the lockdown is over, I’ll take a trip to Spatula City to stock up. Next time I can’t find something, I promise to check every drawer in the kitchen before imposing on you. As you watch me ransack our house like a burglar, I hope you’ll take a short break from laughing at me and find it in your heart to forgive me.

[markidly]

a good kind of going insane

“I feel like I’m going insane.”

“Maybe that’s not a thing to be feared."

A paraphrase of an exchange with my therapist, August 2019, when I had really started ramping up my Zen meditation practice and Buddhist reading.

I was referring to the wildness of the unfiltered present moment, the terrifying, pregnant emptiness of sense reality when not accompanied by my internal monologue of plans and judgments and labels.

In this session, we had waded -- slowly, together -- into just being here. The echo of a door closing down the hall. The breeze in the window tickling my neck. The gaze of someone with whom I’ve learned trust and love. My heavy breath.

What if I let that part of my brain, always trying to “manage” the situation, take a break... for good?

~~~~~~~~

In the quiet of the void, of presence with the here + now, without the usual tracks playing -- planning, judging, rehearsing, distraction, compulsion, justifying, fidgeting, sense-making -- with heightened sensitivity to the sensual elements of the present moment, transient sounds and waves of thought and emotion can feel disorienting, scary, unfamiliar. Can I surrender to this? Can I trust this moment?

...It’s like the thinking / rehearsing / planning / defending brain has been working diligently for the past several decades. Maybe not the most elegantly -- typing away on an old, loud keyboard, working sometimes inefficiently, sometimes to exhaustion. But the office has grown to feel safe, familiar, comfortable with his presence. He hasn’t taken much of a vacation in decades.

Now, he is taking his first month-long vacation ever. His first real vacation, actually. The office is eerily quiet without him -- strange noises, visages, much more sensitivity to things like the quaking of the building and distant indistinct howls. What is this place?! Is it safe here?!

But the office is happy for him. He’s worked so, so, so hard. We’re so grateful, in fact, that he got us here. We’re here today, making this transition, because of everything he did. And at the same time... we’re learning that we can do great without him. Thriving while he rests. While he transitions to whatever he’s doing next, his new role. It’ll be a slow handoff; he’s not quite retired yet. But this new world, this new way of doing things... it’s better, it’s scary, it’s so unfamiliar. We’re so grateful to him, and happy that he gets to rest, and excited for the spacious possibility in this transition.

— Journal entry, August 2019

~~~~~~~~

“Whatever mental illness she has, I want that.”

June 2019, ten-year college reunion. A series of “what I’ve learned since graduation” talks, unsurprisingly focused on identity, surprisingly vulnerable. Ivy League still, but woke.

Second to last, a speaker shattered the mold. She spoke plainly and excitedly about finding God, nurturing her connection to Him, leaning more and more completely into trusting Him. Advice for others to watch the edges, to trust the signs, to trudge on through the dark times for the showering shimmering light on the other side.

Having experienced an awakening a month prior, and halfway through Jack Kornfield’s After The Ecstasy, The Laundry, I felt every word. I was warmed by the recognition of a kindred spirit. I was flabbergasted to witness such effortless courage and sincerity. I was thrilled to see the power of faith embodied.

The friends I was sitting with were less moved. Inclined to a materialist understanding, they found the stories too metaphorical, the advice unhelpfully vague. I suspected that their impression was representative of the rest of the audience.

But, they avowed, it does seem like a "mental illness” worth having.

~~~~~~~~

We carry around an image of ourselves, an image we hold in our minds. One way to describe this is “small mind.” It can also be described as sem. In Tibetan there are several words for mind, but two that are particularly helpful to know are sem and rikpa. Sem is what we experience as discursive thoughts, a stream of chatter that’s always reinforcing an image of ourselves. Rikpa literally means “intelligence” or “brightness.” Behind all the planning and worrying, behind all the wishing and wanting, picking and choosing, the unfabricated, wisdom mind of rikpa is always here. Whenever we stop talking to ourselves, rikpa is continually here.

In Nepal the dogs bark all night long. Every twenty minutes or so, they all stop at once, and there is an experience of immense relief and stillness. Then they all start barking again. The small mind of sem can feel just like that. When we first start meditating, it’s as if the dogs never stop barking at all. After a while, there are those gaps. Discursive thoughts are rather like wild dogs that need taming. Rather than beating them or throwing stones, we tame them with compassion. Over and over we regard them with the precision and kindness that allow them to gradually calm down. Sometimes it feels like there’s much more space, with just a few yips and yaps here and there.

Of course the noise will continue. We aren’t trying to get rid of those dogs. But once we’ve touched in with the spaciousness of rikpa, it begins to permeate everything. Once we’ve even had a glimpse of spaciousness, if we practice with maitri [loving-kindness], it will continue to expand. It expands into our resentment. It expands into our fear. It expands into our concepts and opinions about things and into who we think we are. We might even sometimes get the feeling that life is like a dream.

— Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart

~~~~~~~~

I am going crazy, but in a way that leaves me and all other beings better off [with more freedom, peace, joy, love].

— Journal entry, November 2019

~~~~~~~~

This Mark... holding up this body... needs to rest.

(Needs to die.)

He’s tired. He’s so tightly wound. He’s exhausted, holding up this identity, this shell for the sake of others. For the sake of himself, but it’s not working, the love isn’t getting through.

This is a place where all that exhausted Mark can rest. Where a new, faithful Mark can be born.

It’s not scary, not sad. It’s beautiful, holy.

— Post-zazen journal during my first Zen residency, July 2019

[minnochu]

Lustrous (pt.8)

Hybrid!Kook x Reader AU

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4 | Pt 5 | Pt 6 | Pt 7 | Pt 8 | Pt 9 | Pt 10 | Pt 11 | Pt 12 | Pt 13 | Pt 14 | Pt 15 | Pt 16 | Pt 17 | Pt 18 | Pt 19

(A/N): Tbh I was gonna wait till later today to post this but fuck it I’ma feed y’all. Sorry for any misspellings or errors I might have missed when I quickly proofread this.

Soooo I finally finished this part after much dryness and finally a spark of idea lmao. Also I know I posted a quick psa, but in case you didn’t read it, I didn’t reply to the asks about tagging for this fic so I could keep track of them (Except two ‘cause your users wouldn’t show up when I tried tagging lol). But thank you for the support! 

.

Yahiko’s disapproval of Jungkook being around you is super effective in getting him to avoid and ignore you more than he already had before your attack. You can’t understand why she’d believe that just because his eyes labeled him as a murderer he couldn’t have any good inside him. For gods sakes the guy has saved you countless of times when he could’ve just let you die and get eaten. Much less he could have murdered you at your weakest when the wendigos targeted you.

That night, you share one last look between you and the wolf boy before Seokjin gives you a comforting hug and Yoongi briefly pats your head awkwardly. The boys leave and you spare Yahiko barely a glance, not when she just forbid you from someone you considered a really good friend other than Hyejin.

As you both grow distant, the more often you get the dreams. They shouldn’t even be classified as dreams. They were nightmares. They were so vivid and almost as if you were there but no one was aware of it. These dreams were way too nostalgic to be ignored, and they pit a feeling of danger within your stomach. It was all too tangible, they always ended with you shooting up in bed sweating and in tears. Why did you feel so sad?

“That wretch, a menace that child is. It seems she is reaching her peaking age, we have to dispose of her as soon as possible.”

All the dreams always took place in that place. Like your first dream, it was a dark building with many rooms, all dreary and emitting some kind of miasma even you can sense within your dream state.

“You can’t! You promised to leave her alone once the vampire erased her memories!”

Your heart hurt. It squeezed and yet you didn’t have the answer as to why it did such a thing.

“Minerva, the vampire has been exterminated, we can’t risk her uprising and being a danger to us all.”

Minerva was a distinct woman within your dreams. From the first time you’d seen her trying to persuade the others to spare her child, to now, she was always very noticeable. This time, she appeared older and weary as she pleaded with the others.

“The fact that you’re defending that defect brings great shame to the Blackwell coven, what would Colhen say of this trouble you’ve already caused him and Sister Eris?”

Sister Eris. Colhen. After multiple dreams you connected the dots between each dream to figure out that “Sister Eris” is the leader of some sort. Colhen was the husband of Eris and Minerva was supposedly a lover of his — you had one particular dream of his affair with her before growing distant and disapproving of her after the birth of the “mutant” they constantly referred the child as.

You weren’t sure what they were or why you were having dreams about them, but it always creeped you out. It felt way too real and vivid to be something your brain just created out of the blue.

Coven they said. Witches? Why were you dreaming about witches?

“Would you not feel any sense of guilt or despair for your child to be the target of execution for being different?” Minerva cried, her (e/c) irises blazing with both sadness and ferocity, “It could’ve been any of yours!” She was on her knees at this point, forlorn and ready to give up as her sisters glared down at her pitifully.

“Minerva! Enough of this nonsense!”

The image of the weeping woman dissolved and in place was the same person but she faced directly towards you. Your body visibly shivered in your slumber at the chilling recognition, feeling as though her presence was there in your very room. The trails of dried up tears stained her cheeks as her eyes looked directly at you. It made you heart twist sadly despite the anxiety that gripped your throat at her recognition of your presence within the dream.

“My child,” she began in a quivering voice as she looks around fervently but only appears to be alone in a dimly lit room with you. What was she afraid of? Who is she looking out for?

“Please be strong, they’ll be coming for you very quickly,” her voice hushes as she bites her lip and squeezes her eyes shut in fear. There’s a faint reverberation of feet clamping on wood, causing her body to tense. “You must be strong and remember everything!” She whispers quickly now and moves to grab the only source of light in the room, an oil lamp, “I never meant to abandon you, I don’t expect you to forgive me but you were never a mistake! Stay close with the wolves. Just know that mother loves you so much!”

“Don’t let them get to you.”

Footsteps grow louder and a door opens, light penetrating the dark as she casts you one last fleeting glance as she whispers incantations you can’t decipher. Her hand swipes to the left across from you and her image dissolves just as you witness her body being impaled by an unknown object as it’s too fuzzy to decipher the remnants of the image.

You wake with a jolt, chest heaving as you look around the small attic you call your room. Empty. And yet you can’t help wondering why it felt like Minerva was in here with you. Was she talking to you? Were you in her child’s body while she was talking to them? The more you thought about it, the more confused you became.

Stay close to the wolves. Jungkook comes to mind immediately but why? She wasn’t talking directly to you right?

“(Y/n)! Are you alright?” Yahiko enters from the hatch that leads to down to the house, “I felt a burst of aura from up here, did someone come here? Was it that wolf?”

The words enter one ear and go out the other as you think more deeply about Minerva’s words that seemed aimed at you.

“Yahiko…” you start, gaining her attention as she takes a seat at your bedside and takes your hands in hers, “What is the Blackwell Coven?”

She blinks, but you catch a hint of recognition in her eyes.

“They’re a well-known family of witches and warlocks that perform the dark arts, very strong, and very notorious for sacrifice and knowledge of dark and murderous powers,” she starts out with a sigh, “They live quite a ways from Seoul, no less from here as they opposed harmonizing the mortals and the supernatural.”

“Why might you be asking this now-?”

Her question is cut short as the doorbell from downstairs alert the both of you of a visitor. You both glance at each other. It had to be three in the morning, who would be here? The trek down to the first floor is tense as you both open the door to find a package lying on the doorstep. “Did you order something?” Yahiko asks as she glances around.

As she does so you inspect the package suspiciously. Why do you get such a bad feeling from it? Why did it emit a revolting sensation that tells you to be cautious of it?

“They’ll be coming for you.”

You suck in a breath as you notice the package depressing into itself. “Yahiko, the package.”

Yahiko whips around and is quick to thrust a hand towards you. Your body is forced back into the house as her eyes appear golden with the silhouette of ears and a tail glowing at their respective spots. Foxfire ignite from her palms as they appear one by one around the package, a net of runes surround it just in time to catch the black thorns that grow abruptly from the now torn package. The runes pull and tighten over the force and speed of the spikes but do well to keep them at bay. You notice the dark miasma rolling off the surface of the thorns like waves. It makes you shiver as Yahiko works to purify and diminish them.

“This has to be them…” You choke out as the remains of the thorns dissolve and Yahiko releases the barrier and her transformation. All that’s left is the tattered up box. You crouch down and pick up the cardboard but sigh when it's obviously been singed by the foxfire.

“They’re coming for me, Yahiko,” You start shakily, glancing up at the confused elder with glossy eyes shimmering with fear, “I’ve been having recurring dreams about them. The Blackwell Coven. My most recent dream, a woman spoke to me - like actually me - and said they’ll be coming for me..”

“It’s a warning,” The woman deduces with a frown, realizing what you were referring to, “They must have found your location, it’s not safe here.”

“The wolves, she told me to stay close to the wolves,” You blurt out, hoping she set her dislike for Jungkook aside for your safety.

“Are you trying to tell me to leave you at the hands of that killer, (Y/n)?” She leered, brows scrunching at the idea, “I know it’s unsafe for you to stay here now, but I can’t allow you--”

“Would you rather I die, because it sure sounded like they were coming to execute me!” You retort back as you stalk back up to your room until Yahiko catches up.

She sneers at your anger, standing behind you with her arms crossed, “Stupid girl, you don’t think I didn’t know that? I knew this whole time you couldn’t have been just a normal mortal girl. I didn’t give you that stone for no reason my child.”

You turn at this, attention piqued at the mention of the mysterious amulet she gifted you the first day of school. Her expression softens as she takes you within her arms in a brief hug.

“The Blackwells have just confirmed my suspicions about you,” she surrendered with an endearing smile, “You’re very special (Y/n).”

She lifted one finger to press to the amber jewel within your amulet, “Minerva had personally sent this to me as soon as you settled into my attic.” At once, her finger resonates with a soft fiery glow that slowly absorbs into the amulet. “The Blackwells despise siphoners. They call them mistakes and a shame to the family. You’re a siphoner my dear, but far from a wretched mutant.”

She pulls her finger away and the amulet is still glowing. You touch the jewel cautiously and gasp audibly at the power resonating from within it.

Minerva, you recall her mentioning. That woman must have actually been speaking to you. The realization makes your heart squeeze in sadness, shock, and even betrayal. She’d referred to you as her child and she as mother. The terms finally connecting as you stare at the jewel in amazement.

Minerva was your mother.

“A siphoner stone,” she answers your look, “Simply put, a siphoner must find other sources of magic to cast spells and such as they are not innately born with their own. That’s really all I know... That warlock might be able to tell you more, and help you learn to protect yourself… and as much as I hate to say it, hide yourself within those wolves. But please be wary of the blue eyed one.”

And that’s how you find yourself now calling Jimin as you and Yahiko walk to their cabin. She suggested asking Hyejin out of doubt for your safety staying with a tainted beta, but you knew that they would definitely find you there and you didn’t want to put your friend in that kind of danger. Staying in a cabin with vampires, werewolves, and a warlock was your safest bet to mask yourself.

“Welcome back (Y/n)!”

The brunette welcomes you with a bone crushing hug as soon as the front door is swung open, to which Yahiko’s eyes flare orange with a loud clearing of her throat. The wolf simmered and let you go while scratching his neck nervously.

“You stay safe (Y/n) and drop by as much as you can!” Yahiko says as she hands Jimin your luggage and offers a goodbye hug to you. You’re pretty sure if you didn’t she’d show up at the pack’s cabin within seconds.

“Please keep her safe, and no hands,” she shoots the wolf a sharp look, causing the boy to smile nervously.

“Right, she’ll be safe with us,” he ensures cheerily as Yahiko takes her reluctant leave.

“Yikes, I can’t believe you got attacked this early in the morning,” he sighs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to give you a comforting side hug, “It’s good your safe now, the brat has been pacing around all night worried about you.”

“Jungkook?” You asked confused as he turned on the lights to the living room, “He knew I was in danger?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t he? After all he’s-”

Jimin felt the hair on his neck stand tall as shivers ran up his back. Turning his head slowly, he coughed awkwardly when he spots Jungkook glaring daggers at him from the hallway, his eyes glowering a dangerous marine. Irked and slightly nervous as the younger cracks a knuckle, he laughs dryly.

“Jungkook!”

He flinches, not expecting you to acknowledge him, biting his bottom lip when he feels his inner wolf jump excitedly at the mention of his name. Moving to retreat back into his room when Seokjin presses a firm palm to his shoulder and pushes the youth into the living room.

“(Y/n)!” The warlock grins, passing by Jungkook to hug you. His smile remains solid even as the wolf glares at the back of his head heatedly. “I heard from Jimin what happened,” he said, voice slightly lower from before as his eyes gave off a more sharper appeal than their usually softer brown. You’re taken by surprise and he notices this, eyes softening as he beckons you further into the room, “You must be shaken up and overwhelmed, we’re all just glad you and Yahiko are safe.”

He offers you a seat on the couch as he hurries Jimin to prepare chamomile tea.

“How are you feeling?” Seokjin asks tentatively, silently urging Jungkook to take a seat but he stubbornly remains glued to the spot far away leaning against the wall. “The dark arts are truly a force to be reckoned with after all…”

“Did you guys know I was a siphoner?” You ask hesitantly, fingering your amulet as you say so, “Why does that have to do with me being targeted by some sicko witch group?”

Seokjin sighs, pursing his lips as he figures out where to start, knowing you’d want as much answers he could provide about who you were.

“Mm… where to start…” He hums, “Yes and… no. We figured you were human at first, there was no indication or spiritual power coming from you that told us otherwise. However, that day you ingested muting herbs and nearly absorbed most of mine and Kook’s energy when you came to were very strong indications that you couldn’t just be a normal girl.

“I’m sure your caretaker explained the gist of what you are… a siphoner. And Blackwells absolutely despise any connections to what they deemed a burden or a mistake. Mutant witches that didn’t have their own natural power was deemed a mistake that had to be eradicated.

“You’re no mistake (Y/n), don’t get me wrong, you are and can be so much more powerful than others let on, despite being only mortal. I presume that the fact that you’re still alive and that vampire is dead, they feel pressured and endangered.”

Pausing, he gauges your blank expression and chuckles, “Was that too much information for you? I know you only just found out today.”

Shaking your head, you manage a slight smile, “It’s nothing I guess… all I can do is take it in you know…”

“You’re a strong one (Y/n),” He smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder, “If you need anything just ask!”

“Just one… my mother, Minerva, a member of the Blackwell family gifted me this stone. Please teach me how to use it.”

Tags: @twilight-loveer @reinyrei @mistytail @mygukandonlyficrecs @xanny91 @unpocodesoledadywisky @xxqueenwxtchxx @lildemonangele @zamirayinyue13 @lana12361 

(ok oof I’m shook cuz the last two I was having trouble tagging and the results weren’t dropping down so I’m just gonna have to answers y’alls asks to let you know that your handles aren’t showing up when I try tagging.

Also if you want to be included for updates~ reply to this post or shoot me a dm or whatever ~)

[bts-svt-mx]

Maid For You (Part 2) Taehyung x Reader

Author: bts-svt-mx

Taehyung x Reader

Jungkook x Reader

Rating: Fluff, M, eventual smut if i get to it lol

Tags: Slow burn, Enemies to Lovers AU, Idol! Taehyung, Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Reader, Hoseok, mentions of other members

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 (M), 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

Word Count: 2,000

Description: Wanting to get out of your parents house and experience what the world had to offer is way more expensive than people tell you it will be. So when your glamorous “manager to the stars” cousin Hoseok hooks you up with a  job as the live-in maid for a hillside, massive mansion, you feel as though life might actually be looking up. That is until the mansion’s absentee high profile celebrity owner surprises you by moving back in leaving you to wonder if this mansion is big enough for you and his huge ego. 

“Not that I’m not enjoying the show… but may I ask,” Kim Taehyung, Grammy winning world famous pop star, looks you up and down as his features twist into something more stern, angry even. “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

You were going to kill Hoseok.

Chapter 2:

They say to never meet your idols, and after today, you think you know why.

There you are, in front of one of your favorite singers in the whole world and all you can do is stand there looking like a cat caught with his hand in the fishbowl.

The utter look of displeasure plastered on his face made you feel uneasy.  You can’t help but stare blankly at him taking in his rude tone of voice.

Is this real? Have the chemicals just gotten to your head? You thought you had read the labels and made sure they were safe but you probably should have opened up a window or- “Hello?” Snap, snap, snap. Kim Taehyung’s hand is now directly in front of your face snapping repeatedly.  “What, are you suddenly mute now?” He scoffs moving out of your immediate personal space once again.

Curse your awkward staring. You always knew you had a bad habit of staring off into space. And today that space just happened to be occupied by your favorite idol in the world. “Y-you hired me.” It comes out kind of like a squeak but you speak up again, voice a little shaky from the surprise he just gave you. “I’m Y/N…” His face is still blank. Zero recognition going through his brain. “The live in maid...” You continue. Shouldn’t he know who he hired to take care of his home? Or at least know your name if he didn’t know your face? This whole situation is so awkward. You were in your pajamas still for goodness sake!

You blame stupid Hoseok.

Taehyung’s stare that once made your knees weak a year ago makes your stomach settle weirdly now that it’s actually directed towards you. He’s like a photograph come to life. A beautiful, rude picture. God, why did he have to open up his mouth and ruin it?

“I didn’t hire you.” Taehyung spits. “My manager did.”  He leisurely walks around the room picking up random things and analyzing them. It’s odd. He looks as though he’s never seen this place before. He looks... out of place.

“Just like he does everything without my permission,” he mumbles, almost as an afterthought. Looking over to you, a slight smirk creeps over his once unreadable expression. “And where did he find you? Craigslist?”

Your jaw literally drops. How dare he ask you a question like that? You would think he’d be a little bit more considerate since you’re pretty much strangers. Obviously he doesn’t know his basic manners or how to be a decent person for that matter.

If there’s one thing you hate, it’s blatant rudeness. It’s like a light switch. 0 to 100. Your blood begins to boil.

It’s official, you’re pissed.

Well this is definitely not what you always imagined meeting him would be like. More like you imagined you’d run into him on the side of the street, him knocking you over. And he’d catch you before falling to the ground, look into your eyes and- well.. that fantasy popped like a pink bubblegum bubble stretched too far. The initial shock and excitement of coming face to face with your favorite idol had subsided and now you were just angry at his disrespect and quite frankly, kind of offended for Hoseok’s sake too.

He’s back on the other side of the kitchen, analyzing a red and olive colored ceramic rooster and for a moment, you think you see a look of relief and soft eyes before he picks up a similar ceramic frog next to it and cringes at it’s ugly yellow/green color. There he is, looking so nonchalant, not even caring how blunt he is being in the moment. Not even caring how his words might hurt you.

Standing up straighter you find your voice again. You don’t care who he is. You weren’t going to take this disrespect from him. “Your house would have looked like the Haunted Mansion by now if it wasn’t for me cleaning this massive place while you were out for months wasting money and partying it up in a different country every day.”

His gaze quickly snaps back to you, surprise reflecting in his face from your more than un-lady like tone of voice. What? So he can talk to you like you’re nothing but you can’t do the same back to him?

“And Hoseok’s a good man,” you continue.  “He works his ass off to make sure you’re happy every day which I’m sure can’t be an easy job.”

It’s true. Hoseok can’t really talk about his clients but he does tell you about how exhausted they make him. Hoseok never really lets it get to him though and you know he bounces back quickly, but still. No one disrespects your family like that.

“So who are you to blame him for hiring a damn housekeeper for you while you’re away?” you sputter out quickly. Woah Y/N. Where did all of this aggression come from? He had only really said 3 or 4 things to you. Granted, every one of those things was something insulting. Your confidence began to falter again. His hard gaze on you was making you self conscious. Tearing your eyes away from his for the first time, you look down and toy with the hem of your Mickey Mouse pajama shirt.

Wait, no. Look up again Y/N, you can’t give him the feeling he’s winning here.

“And who are you to make me feel like I’m the one intruding here?” You add, trying to fake more confidence. Voice raising to a yell. “You know nothing about me or this house. You look like you’ve never even seen this place before!”

Your own words hit your ears with a boom as they bounce off of the marble walls. Shit.. that was probably too far. Ugh. Why can’t you ever keep your mouth shut? You were so going to be fired after this. Goodbye to the freedom of the city, hello Mom and Dad’s house. Again.

Using both of his hands to push himself off of the edge of the countertop he’s leaning on, he scoffs. Expression once again unreadable. A closed book with no title.

“Of course I know you,” He speaks, eyes narrowing.

Slowly, he makes his way over to the refrigerator where you stand. You don’t know how, but he’s clearly taken back the control in this conversation.

Suddenly you feel small again. Obviously he isn’t used to being questioned and you just had to go ahead and run your mouth. 

“You’re just another fangirl desperately pulling any strings she can to get close to me.” He explains laughing slightly, but devoid of any real humor. It’s at this point you realize how tall and broad he is. Towering over you in the physical sense and also in the metaphorical sense. Closer and closer he walks. Suffocating you like a snake coiling around its prey.

His lips curl into a condescending smirk as he places his hand flat against the freezer door effectively trapping you in. “What? Do you actually believe in your insane, obsessed mind that you would have a chance with me if you got close to me?” His eyes scan your face, assessing just how much his words are affecting you. There’s hatred in his voice. Though for you or for himself, you’re not quite sure.

His face is so close. You could feel his breath on your cheek. Surprisingly very minty with a hint of jasmine, you think. And his cologne… Not too overwhelming but definitely distinct enough where you were certain you’d be able to pick it out anywhere from now on. It melted through the air, wrapping around you slowly until it was all that you could focus on.

Woah... it was really messing with your brain.

His other hand reaches out to move a strand of your hair that had fallen out of your bun while dancing just a few moments ago. Effectively ripping you out of your former lifestyle being the pseudo owner of this huge mansion and thrusting you into your reality of being a full time maid.

Because really, that was all you were.

Sure, you had your fun living in this house by yourself with all the freedom in the world at your fingertips. But did you expect it to last forever?

You don’t want it to, but your heart chooses this moment to start beating like it’s about to pop out of your chest. The look he’s giving you right now.. you know it well. And you’re sure it’s the one he uses to get any girl he wants, whenever he wants.

The only thing connecting the two of you physically is his fingers threaded around the strand of your hair. You might as well have been fully pressed against each other with the amount of heat you feel creeping up inside of you. And though you don’t really want to admit it, you have to physically restrain yourself from pushing yourself into him by gripping firmly onto the refrigerator door handle behind you.

“Well, you are quite pretty,” You didn’t know it was possible but his voice drops to an even lower octave. Vibrating through your chest as he speaks. 

He’s considering his next words carefully. Gaze following the lines of your face. Eyes meeting eyes, moving across the map of your face to your nose, your reddened cheeks, then finally landing on your lips.

“Maybe if you don’t turn out to be a complete psycho I might actually fuck you.” His eyes dark, smirk still plastered on his face. “You know, to get you out of my way and save us both some time.”  

What you thought was your heart about to burst out of your chest turned out to be a fit of laughter causing Taehyung to recoil quickly, pulling his hands from the side of your head and away from your hair out of surprise. His face contorting into something of a mix between confusion and disgust as you cackled in his face. You almost couldn’t get your next sentence out as you doubled over laughing.

“See...” More laughing. Any feelings of lust caused by his entrancing scent now replaced with amusement in an instant. “That’s where you’re wrong,” Even more laughing. Wow, it’s been a while since you laughed this much.

“I could give less of a fuck about who you are.” You say mocking his vulgar word choice. A few more giggles leaving your lips. Okay, it was a lie. You’ll admit that. The you of last year would have been freaking out about who was in front of the present day you right now. But the situation you were in is just so ironic! You had dreamed about meeting Taehyung for a couple of years now and now that it has actually happened, it’s so completely the opposite of what you had always played out in your head that it was almost… well, yeah actually it was just hilarious.

Who would've thought the world’s sweetheart would be such a complete and total douchebag?  

“Hoseok didn’t even tell me who owned this place.” You tried to catch your breath as the giggles finally subsided.  “I just needed easy money and a place to sleep. Hell, I don’t even know what you do for a living!” Okay, that’s another lie but honestly, who really cares at this point. Clearly the respect and love for him you had before was just of the image he portrayed to the media. 

That was not the man standing in front of you right now. And it made you more than a little angry. What’s a little white lie at this point when he’s been lying to the whole world for who knows how long?

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” You push yourself away from in front of the refrigerator putting the mop in the small cleaning supply closet a few steps away. Taehyung hasn’t moved an inch. Now it’s his turn to be speechless. “I have a job to continue doing seeing as I’m the main person making sure your house doesn’t end up looking like an abandoned dump with all the dust the piling up from no one EVER USING ANYTHING HERE,” You practically scream the last part in his direction, words reverberating off the walls once again as you turn swiftly on your heel to head rather quickly to your room on the West side of the mansion.

You had a phone call to make.

<-- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -->

[columbinelabel]

FROM OUR PRESIDENT: SAFETY. WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?

By Greg Jackson, CEO Columbine Label Company

It’s no secret that the printing industry has a target on its back in the eyes of OSHA, the federal government’s venerated Occupational Safety and Health Administration. In fact, somewhere here in my office, I think I still have the letter they sent me when I bought this company. The deck is definitely stacked against us.

But as you grow older, you realize you only get to hurt your back once. Safety is one of those priorities that you don’t think about until you’re on the wrong side of it. That’s why we take safety very seriously here at Columbine Label. We wouldn’t be an effective business if we focused solely on our product label printing services. I want our people to go home in the same condition they arrived in. I don’t want anyone in our shop taking chances they don’t need to for the sake of a paycheck.

A SHARP focus

It’s not just talking, either. We have a proven and ongoing performance record, recognized by multiple safety awards and certifications.  For four consecutive years, Columbine Label has been given the Circle of Safety award and has been honored by Pinnacol Assurance for outstanding performance in employee safety, loss control, and financial and claims management.

More recently, I am proud to share the latest feather in our safety quiver, so to speak:  we are the most recent Colorado-based company to be awarded the SHARP Certification Award via The Colorado Safety and Health Achievement Recognition Program (SHARP).

This is not an enter-to-win contest, so it’s what I would call “a big deal.” Of more than 170,000 employer-based businesses in Colorado, only 26 have been named recipients of this award designation from SHARP.  It took us three years to earn this award, which included the comprehensive certifications of OSHA-compliant equipment, processes, procedures, and policies. We are proud of this designation because it recognizes our continual safety standards, practices, and procedures, and also puts us on favorable terms with OSHA’s standard inspections.

­Safety is in our company DNA

This latest certification also reaffirms to employees and customers our commitment to safety. While most companies spend months, even years, developing and fine-tuning their mission and vision statements, we simply focus on what is most important to us: helping individuals and brands elevate their products with high-quality, responsibly made product labels and exceptional printing standards that generate interest, awareness, and sales. We strive to do what we say and to be proactively open, honest communicators for each and every customer interaction.

Integral to that corporate ethos is safety. Regardless of certifications, awards, and other external accolades, we will continue to engage in proactive risk mitigation activities such as an incentive program for reporting Near Misses and Hazards, ongoing noise reduction initiatives, and monthly safety committee meetings that garner input from everyone – from the front office to the plant – so we can identify and prevent real hazards in our workplace.

Leaving risk outside the office

Being risk-averse is an admirable, even mandatory, trait in the world of business. Focusing on safety at work is simply the right thing to do – for our employees, our customers, and the environment. Outside the office? Now that’s another story. You just might catch me hanging off the side of a 14,000-foot mountain – all in the name of fun, but never for a paycheck.

[perditaalottachocolate-blog]

Akuma Fashion

Summary: Gabriel catches Adrien in an extremely peculiar outfit. Hawkmoth decides to investigate. April Fools crackfic. You’re welcome.

[EDIT: Sorry for the strange characters and no apostrophes but it’s tumblr playing a trick on me. This looks okay on my blog]

AO3 / Fanfiction.net

Gabriel found out only because he caught Adrien sneaking up the cavernous hall of the mansion. Despite Gabriel’s requests he was hunching and walking the crab walk of someone who wishes to become invisible.

‘Adrien!’ he called immediately, catching wind of something fishy.

His son shuddered and slumped even further. He stopped but didn’t turn around.

‘Yes, father?’ the boy asked looking at him over his shoulder.

‘Keep your back straight, I’ve asked you so many times,’ Gabriel scolded.

Adrien straightened up immediately. ‘Yes, father,’ he replied, his back now straight but still in Gabriel’s vision.

‘Turn around, son. It’s extremely impolite to talk to someone with your back to them,’ the designer pointed out, now looking for the reason his son was sneaking to his room.

‘I, um, I’m in a hurry, father,’ the boy’s face contorted in a lopsided smile. ‘I have a lot of homework!’ he squeaked.

Gabriel’s silver brow shot up high above his glasses in reply to this strange behavior. His son was really a poor actor. ‘Turn around,’ the man ordered, mentally slapping himself for wanting to follow it with “slowly”.

It was at that moment he noticed that Adrien’s overshirt bulged in strange ways and even if he stood straight, it still seemed a bit… well… hunchy. A random pun about having a hunch about the hunch crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it. Puns were now exclusive for his alter ego and he only donned the purple pants in the mornings, when Adrien was at school.

Adrien completed his turn and was trying to combine the impossible - standing straight as per request, and clutching the overshirt close to his chest in a clear attempt to hide whatever it was underneath. It seemed that not only his back was bulgy, but his biceps looked extremely weird and puffy. The boy cast him a quick look and averted his gaze to his feet.

‘I’m sorry, father,’ he mumbled. ‘Can I go now?’

‘What are you wearing?’ Gabriel barked.

Adrien’s eyes got bigger. ‘My usual shirt?’ he whispered.

Gabriel sighed. His son could be oblivious sometimes, he was well aware of that streak. It ran in the family. But he felt personally offended that despite the evidence Adrien still decided to play stupid.

‘And underneath?’ he pressed on. Really, what was the boy thinking?

‘My usual t-shirt?’ Adrien forgot himself for a moment. His hand went to his neck to rub it, like he always did when uncomfortable, and that was all it took for Gabriel to catch the glimpse of the real garment under the white shirt.

The designer cringed and gasped, for the first time in years rendered speechless by an article of clothing. And not in a good way.

At that point Adrien had realized his mistake. ‘I guess the cat is out of the bag,’ he offered a sheepish smile and pushed the overshirt to sides to reveal…

Well damn, Gabriel was a designer for years, participated in a ton of haute couture ridiculous weeks, but he still had difficulty with putting a label onto what his son was actually wearing.

It started as a huge bubble of red, covering his neck and chest, then turned into a smaller bubble of yellow at his stomach and another one, blue, at his waist. From what Gabriel could see, the same pattern was repeated on the sleeves. There was a large eye-like print in front and some dark tube like embroidery going to the back of the garment.

He couldn’t help but to stare until Adrien broke the silence clearing his throat.

Gabriel started. ‘Take the overshirt off, please?’

The boy did as he was asked and bashfully demonstrated another print at the back of the… thing… looking similar to a yellow bubble container. Finally it dawned on the designer what he was actually seeing.

‘Is it… a costume?’ he queried.

Adrien went back to rubbing his neck. ‘Sort of, but not really?’ he hesitated. ‘It’s just like a normal t-shirt just a bit… extra?’

Gabriel could only glare, but the boy soldiered on. ‘Everyone is wearing them,’ he said proudly. ‘This is all the rage now.’

Well it definitely was outrageous, if anyone would bother to ask Gabe. ‘Couldn’t agree more,’ the man muttered under his breath and then a nagging thought kicked him in the brain. ‘What do you mean “everyone is wearing them”?’

‘Oh, it’s this new thing,’ Adrien smiled, apparently taking Gabriel’s startled expression as a sign of interest. ‘It’s not only the Bubbler. There’s plenty of other akuma,’ he enthused. ‘I have Antibug too. And Pharaoh, and Lady Wifi, RogerCop and the Mime. Guitar Villain of course and…’ he paused suddenly, biting his lip.

‘And?’ Gabriel urged him to continue. ‘And who?’

‘... the Collector,’ Adrien mumbled shuffling his feet and once again effectively shutting all the designer’s systems down.

Gabriel’s brain was sizzling at that point. Someone was making akuma clothes? And not just prints on t-shirts, but actual costume-like clothes, as evidenced in the bulges on Adrien’s arms and chest. Someone was selling them? It was a new young fashion trend? Was it only young fashion? Why didn’t he see that coming? And so on, and so on, his mind was flooded with questions. The fact that his son out of fascination or loyalty or whatever else the reason was, bought a shirt based on his akuma was the proverbial cherry on top, which he decided to put away for further consideration.

‘I know it’s silly,’ now Adrien caught on his state and automatically started explaining himself, ‘and that I should wear our brand. But it’s so much fun I couldn’t stop myself,’ he reverted to rubbing his neck again.

Gabriel’s brain finally rebooted. He waved his hand dismissively. ‘I don’t mind,’ he stated gravely. ‘But I’d like to know, where did you buy them.’

The boy shrugged and evidently stopped himself mid eye-roll, ‘The internet,’ he said. ‘But they are sometimes available at local fairs and events. That’s where I got this one,’ he pointed to the black-eyed red bubble covering his chest.

‘Hmmm,’ Gabriel pursed his lips. ‘Thank you for this information. Now I believe you’ve mentioned a lot of homework. Don’t let me detain you.’

Adrien smirked and nodded, probably grateful that the interrogation was over, and rushed to his room, while Gabriel headed to his own study drowned in thoughts.

Someone was using akuma designs to create clothes and it irked him to no end. Haven’t people heard of copyrights, for heaven’s sake?!

Oh, right. Those weren’t Gabriel’s designs. Those were Hawkmoth’s. He couldn’t exactly use them in any of his collections. It would not only be risky, stupidly drawing attention to his brand and associating it with the akumas, especially with the whole deal with the book, but if he was honest with himself it would be also a tad unethical.

‘Nathalie,’ he paused his musing only to summon his assistant. ‘Please find out, who is selling the akuma clothes Adrien’s bought and get me all of them right away,’ he ordered and closed the door in her face.

He started pacing impatiently in his study, mulling over the whole affair.

But those are my designs, something at the back of his brain screamed.

Awful designs, his designer ego replied, wincing.

On purpose, to cover your tracks, the backbrain argued.

Really awful designs, the ego hissed. Cringeworthy, including the Collector.

That’s beside the point, the hindbrain replied. Someone is making money out of it, so they must be good.

Well, the ego stroked his chin, those are my designs after all.

And you don’t mind someone is using them without permission?! the back of his brain screamed.

It’s not like I can just go to them and ask them to stop! the ego now was doubly vexed, at the situation and at that hindbrain of his.

Why not? the backbrain droned.

‘That’s enough,’ Gabriel bellowed, slamming his fists into the wall with enough force to leave a dent. He earned a gasp in reply, as Nathalie dropped a pile of clothes she was just taking inside.

‘Sorry, Sir,’ she apologized automatically and started picking up the weird collection from the floor. She spread the garments over the miniature runway and left, casting him a worried look.

First thing Gabriel did was inspecting the materials. Decent quality, but not over the top. Of course, things like that should be affordable. The stitching was neat. The cut reasonable. Close enough to the akumas’ real look, but comfortable to wear. He was surprised at the variety of the items - there were t-shirts, tunics, shirts and even a Horrificator themed hoodie, with purple tentacles sewn to the hood above the embroidered three eyes.

He clenched his fists. A closer inspection of the hoodie revealed a tag with a trademark - a white and purple akuma outline, similar to what appeared when Hawkmoth talked to his champions. Apparently not only his ideas were borrowed, but also Nooroo’s. The little kwami wouldn’t get any recognition for his logo either, he thought and it somehow made him feel better that he wasn’t alone in his misery.

His rage cooled a bit. These clothes were not only decently done, but also inventive in design. True, it was inspired by his akumas, but neatly implemented into everyday clothing. And in a very creative way. Gabriel whistled in appreciation. He had to admit this wasn’t really a case of design theft, but an adaptation of the idea. Inspiration was a very accurate word here and as a fellow designer he couldn’t help but to admire the concepts.

An acronym “AF” caught his eye. Underneath he found  the phrase “Akuma Fashion” printed in small font. He typed it into his phone and a quick search returned an address in another part of the city. Gabriel considered it for a moment. He was curious. He had been even before he got his paws on the clothes and now that he analysed them, he was itching to learn who was behind all this. But he couldn’t exactly pay them an inconspicuous visit as Gabriel Agreste without causing unwanted gossip.

He chuckled. That’s where having a masked alter ego came in handy. A quick transformation and a few leaps later, he was already nearing the arrondissement where the label was registered.

Hawkmoth sneaked through the backdoor to something he hoped was a workshop. A dark corridor stretched to the front of the building, and from the rooms on either side of it he could hear a familiar hum of sewing machines. He risked a peek inside one of them only to discover a few men and women in Ladybug aprons working on various items of clothing. Some designs he had already seen, but some were new. Curious, he glimpsed into some other rooms, careful to stay hidden in the darkness of the corridor. In every room he found similar set of machines and ladybug-apronned sewers.

He got to a stairwell and then caught voices from the upper level of the building. Silently he climbed the stairs, as the conversation on the first floor unravelled.

‘Well, it was Chat’s idea,’ someone giggled.

‘Oh, Bugaboo, it was just a joke that you turned into this miraculous enterprise,’ another voice replied smugly.

‘So both of you were behind this idea, I see,’ a third, professional but amused voice interrupted. ‘How does it work?’

This sounded like an interview. Intrigued, Hawkmoth halted in front of the door to the room that was the source of the voices. He listened, his curiosity finally getting the feast it craved.

‘It’s a social economy venture, we do not do this for profit,’ the first, feminine voice explained.

‘Everything we earn goes to the employees or is donated to public utility foundations of our choice,’ the second, manly voice supplied.

‘And the designs?’ the interviewer prompted.

‘Oh, those are all Ladybug’s input,’ the second voice stated proudly. ‘Turns out that the embodiment of creation has quite a creative streak in her,’ he murmured and there was a slight thwack sound, as if someone hit another someone in the arm.

‘Stop with the praise, Kitty,’ the first voice replied happily. ‘Some of those are your ideas.’

‘But it’s you who provides the detailed designs, my Lady,’ the second voice replied in mock offence.

‘Well, Ladybug, I must congratulate you,’ the interviewer was clearly pleased with their interviewees’ trademark banter. ‘I’ve spoken with a few people of Parisian fashion world and they all complimented the designs as being neat, modern, and well... ahem… cut to consumers’ needs.’ There was a pause and a male snicker was heard before the journalist continued. ‘They were all surprised you don’t want to take credit for them as your civilian self. It would definitely open many doors for you.’

Oh, Hawkmoth would most definitely open quite a few himself, including one trapdoor, Gabriel thought bitterly.

‘Thank you,’ the first voice - clearly Ladybug - replied. ‘But I’m not doing this for fame or portfolio or whatever other reasons. We just wanted to do something substantial for the public and at the same time lessen the stigma that comes from akumatization.’

‘So by making akuma clothes trendy you’re helping the victims?’ the interviewer sounded astonished.

‘We wanted to bring attention to the fact that the victims are innocent and shouldn’t be rejected or bullied, like we know has happened in a few cases,’ the second voice - Chat’s - explained solemnly.

‘And by redistributing the profits we make sure something good comes to us even from such disastrous things like akuma attacks,’ Ladybug concluded.

Well, that was quite a lot of information for Hawkmoth to digest. The idea was brilliant, the motivation noble. It figured the heroes would come up with something like that, he mentally spat. He resisted the urge to stomp and grumble something villainy under his breath, when he felt someone catching his arms and pushing him inside the room where the interview took place.

‘I found one, Nadja,’ his captor called from behind his back. ‘Is he any good?’ they asked pointing a finger to his suit.

‘Ah, this must be your newest design!’ the journalist, who now despite his horror Hawkmoth identified as Nadja Chamack exclaimed in surprise. ‘I think it’s your first suit? How unique!’ she delighted. ‘I thought you aimed at youngsters, but this… I could totally see a gentleman in a suit like that.’

Hawkmoth decided he liked this woman already. She babbled happily about his super-costume completely oblivious that her interviewees raised from their seats and reached for their weapons.

He wanted to draw his sword in reply, but discovered that nasty woman took it away to inspect “the craftsmanship”.

Well fuck, he thought, as the yoyo string wrapped around his arms and shoulders. He squinted at the end of Chat’s baton that stopped millimeters from his face, This is going to be an interesting afternoon.

In his hands, bound behind his back, a white butterfly flickered and turned purple, charged with magic.

[patternsintraffic]

My 100 Favorite Albums of the 2000s: #100-#91

Hi all. As you can tell from the title of this blog post, I am about to take you off on quite a tangent. Music is in the works (both the completion of Lights & Reflections and the first full-length Harsh Lights album), but currently I find myself sitting up into the early morning hours with a newborn while my wife tries to get some uninterrupted sleep. So I am taking the opportunity to finally post this ridiculously long-winded writing project that I embarked on last year. The actual list-making and blurb-penning has been done for many months now, but I never took the time to format and post it. So here I am with some free time, getting around to finishing this undertaking!

As you may have seen, I decided to join in the fun at the turn of the decade and make a list of my favorite albums from 2010-2019. I wrote about my top 20 albums of the decade, and had a blast revisiting those records and sharing a little bit about why they are special to me. However, the most surprising part of the process for me was that choosing 20 albums to represent that ten-year period was...pretty easy? I started my career in late 2009, so the entire past decade I've been working full-time, pursuing my own music in my spare time, and more or less adulting. I've definitely listened to a ton of great albums, but it's hard to find music that truly excites you as an adult the way that it did in your formative years. The whole time I was crafting my list, I was thinking about how much more difficult (and rewarding) a task it would have been to compile a list for the previous decade, spanning 2000-2009.

So of course, not long after posting my 2010-2019 list I got to work compiling my favorite albums of the aughts. That 10-year period starts when I was 12 years old and wraps up as I was starting my post-college career. Pretty much my entire journey of musical discovery and growth occurred during those years. I had little in the way of responsibilities, and for most of the decade I ravenously consumed an absolutely enormous amount of music. Multiple hours worth on an average day. I was still buying physical CDs all throughout those years, so I really focused on each album I purchased, giving them many repeat listens and learning them intimately. And so much of what I heard was new and fresh to my ears. At 12 years old, there were so many sounds and styles of music that I had yet to encounter, and all of those first experiences and coming of age moments left lasting impressions.

Suffice to say, putting together a top 20 list of albums to represent that 10-year period was nearly impossible. I knew I would have to make a larger list to feel like I was doing justice to even a fraction of the albums that impacted me in that decade. What I eventually arrived upon after making an initial list of albums and then cutting it down quite a bit...was 100. Yes, I'm going to write about my favorite 100 albums from 2000-2009. And I'm going to have a damn good time doing it. Most of my favorite albums ever will be contained in this list, and most of them are wildly underappreciated, in my opinion. For the sake of keeping each post to a manageable length, I will be posting 10 albums at a time, starting with numbers 100-91 below. Walk with me down memory lane in countdown form, and I hope you can enjoy me waxing poetic about 100 albums that were staples of my young life. Let's get nostalgic.

100. Paris Texas - Like You Like an Arsonist (2004)

There are hundreds of albums that I could have picked to round out my list here in the final spot, but I wanted to shine a light on this poppy punk rock record from 2004. It doesn't do anything particularly groundbreaking, but it's a really fun take on the genre and it didn't get the recognition that it deserved. "Bombs Away" and the title track are absolute barnburners. What a shame that the band broke up shortly after this album was released. I remember reading a review of Like You Like an Arsonist around the time of its release that criticized it for sounding like a collection of songs that could blend seamlessly into the soundtrack of a blockbuster action movie. Looking back, I agree with the reviewer's assessment, but I see it as high praise.

99. Greenwheel - Soma Holiday (2002)

In 2002, you could throw a shoe and hit a band that sounded much like Greenwheel, a radio-ready alternative rock outfit with some heavy riffs and a throaty lead singer. But these guys stood above many of their contemporaries on Soma Holiday, their only major label release. (Their independent EP Bridges for Burning and never-released second full-length Electric Blanket both hinted at a sustainable career that didn't come to fruition.) This album had enough muscle for the rock kids ("Shelter" and "Strong") and enough sweetness for the emo kids ("Dim Halo" and "Breathe," which was later recorded and popularized by Melissa Etheridge). What could have been.

98. Sleeping at Last - Ghosts (2003)

It's been almost 10 years since Sleeping at Last became a solo project for Ryan O'Neal, releasing themed singles that make up overarching concept albums and EPs. Though the output from the current incarnation of the band is beautiful and soothing, the minimalist and orchestral style is a far cry from Ghosts, Sleeping at Last's one major label album. At the time they were a three-piece featuring guitars, bass, and drums alongside O'Neal's piano and distinct vocals. Ghosts features an uncommon blend of cinematic, ethereal, and earnest indie rock that just seemed to go deeper than its peers in 2003.

97. Taking Back Sunday - Where You Want to Be (2004)

I've never been a huge fan of Taking Back Sunday, though of course I rocked the singles from Tell All Your Friends like any self-respecting high-schooler in 2002. It was the follow-up, 2004's Where You Want to Be, that really got its claws in me after I picked it up on release week. With a killer opening trio of "Set Phasers to Stun," "Bonus Mosh Pt. II," and "A Decade Under the Influence" giving way to ballads like "New American Classic" and "...Slowdance on the Inside," this is just a great rock record.

96. Sherwood - A Different Light (2007)

A Different Light is a bright, summery, buoyant pop album full of smooth vocal harmonies, glistening guitars, and shimmering synths. Sure, the lyrical content isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but if you could capture the sound of pure positivity and optimism, it would sound a lot like this record. Between the singalong melodies, handclaps, and "whoa-oh"s, if you don't have a good time listening to A Different Light then music might not be the right medium for you.

95. Young Love - Too Young to Fight It (2007)

I'm fairly certain that Young Love, the dance-rock side project of beloved post-hardcore band Recover's frontman Dan Keyes, was not at all well-received. But for someone with no preconceived notions or attachments to Keyes' previous work, I thought this album was a hell of a lot of fun. In a world where Young Love made a mainstream impact, alternate-universe Kyle can be seen storming the dancefloor to the title track or "Discotech." Too Young to Fight It also gives us the smooth R&B of "Tell Me," the indie rock of "Take It or Leave It," and the experimental and apocalyptic "Tragedy." This is so much more than a dance album, and if it hadn't been released by a musician with strong ties to the hardcore scene it would have had a fighting chance of being recognized as such.

94. Vendetta Red - Sisters of the Red Death (2005)

Vendetta Red frontman Zach Davidson has one of the most dynamic hard rock voices I've ever heard, and Sisters of the Red Death is one of the catchiest rock records I've ever heard. Despite those facts, I have a complicated relationship with this album because of its often-horrifying lyrical content, which details acts of sexual violence and gore. That's usually a dealbreaker for me, but I won't completely write off this record since it is a concept album set in a post-apocalyptic fantasy world. Apparently female empowerment is at the core of the message, so it's not like Vendetta Red are condoning the acts that they're singing about. It's still a bit unnerving when you get the urge to sing along to one of the plethora of earworm melodies throughout this album and then realize exactly what you're singing. While I may not have the stomach for Sisters of the Red Death in 2021, I can still wholeheartedly recommend "Silhouette Serenade," which contains all of the awesomeness with none of the gross-out lyrics.

93. Ours - Distorted Lullabies (2001)

Now 20 years into his career, Ours frontman Jimmy Gnecco is surely tired of being compared to Jeff Buckley. But damn, he really does sound like Jeff Buckley. And when you're being compared to one of the all-time great voices in rock music, that's not such a bad thing. Distorted Lullabies is the first proper Ours album, and it's filled with melodic rock songs that highlight Gnecco's incredible range. As the saying goes, I could listen to Gnecco sing the phonebook (those were still around in 2001!), but put his powerful and emotive voice on dynamic rock songs like "Sometimes" and "Meet Me in the Tower"? Yes, please.

92. Armor for Sleep - What to Do When You Are Dead (2005)

This here is an emo concept album about a boy who commits suicide and his experience in the afterlife. Despite the overwrought subject matter, the songs on What to Do When You Are Dead are carefully crafted and interesting. "Car Underwater" is a scene classic, and my favorite track might be the keyboard-centric interlude "A Quick Little Flight." Armor for Sleep seemed a bit more thoughtful in their songwriting and arrangements than many of their contemporaries.

91. Cauterize - Paper Wings (2005)

The single "Something Beautiful" led me to Cauterize's 2003 major label debut So Far from Real, but upon purchasing the album I found that the rest of the tracks didn't live up to that song's high bar. Not so with the independently-released follow-up Paper Wings, which was just full of emo rock songs that I absolutely devoured in 2005. This was actually the first album that I had to order online because it wasn't sold in stores. I remember the surreal feeling of the CD showing up in the mailbox, and that first experience attached some additional meaning to Paper Wings. It doesn't hurt that it features propulsive songs like "Wake to the Sun," "Closer," and "Tremble." Cauterize later signed to another label and re-recorded most of these songs for Disguises, which rejiggered the tracklist and added a few new tunes. Even though the production might be a little better on Disguises, I always preferred the Paper Wings versions and the flow of the original tracklist. There's nothing like the first time.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[michellelewis7162]

Usage Paper Products

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