#and i think we'd be so cozy and happy

[causenessus]

HIT 30 TAGS ONCE AGAIN MY LAST TAG WAS JUST GOOD LUCK ON YOUR AP CLASSES MWAH I LOVE YOU RYE THIS WAS SO GOOD YOU'RE THE BEST <3 I LOVE MAC DEMARCO I LOVE YOU!!

the night shift — slow down

day 5 | masterlist | day 7

now playing: heart to heart by mac demarco

"you're late," she hums, with a lilt of tease and jest. she doesn't look up at him. the jingle of the doors opening cues her into fixing her posture, her spine fitting into the shape of her chair. he watches the action but can't quite process it, too overwhelmed with all the sweat and clothes and hair sticking to his skin.

an apology falls from chapped lips instinctively. he slips into the space behind the counter and discards his jacket from his figure, haphazardly throwing it into the break room before taking his usual seat beside her. "practice ran overtime," he heaves out as soon as he settles into his spot. like routine.

it's a slow day. the night shift is busy, for the most part, but there are the rare handful of days where the store is stagnant. they're silent, save for the hums of the heater and the refrigerators and the wind outside the window, and compared to the last shift they'd worked together, it's not so tense. it's light, almost, the burden of unspoken words and misdirected emotions no longer weighing heavily on their shoulders. he basks in it, just for a moment, before she gets up from her chair to busy herself with something, anything to escape the stasis. he follows suit.

restocks are her favorite task, he's noticed. it's her go-to to pass time, when her hands don't know what to do with themselves and her mind runs rampant. the boxes sit beside the snack shelves, the tape sliced open and the flaps lifted, ready to be emptied and organized. his shoulder brushes against hers briefly as he situates himself next to her, leaning into the depths of the first shipment and handing each product to her one by one. they fall into a slow, steady system. he passes. she places.

"remind me why you didn't go pro?" she questions almost a bit too loudly, failing to consider whether or not she's breaching a checkpoint that she isn't meant to pass yet. she notices the stutter in his movements, the flicker of a hitched breath, the avoidant stare. the perspiration still sticks to his forehead from before, evidence of the effort he had been putting into practice moments before clocking in.

kageyama stands, his shoulders rolling back and the bones popping slightly. an inhale through his nose, an exhale through his mouth, and he droops, as if physically bearing the mental baggage of what she presumed to be his passion. "i burned out, i think," he starts. it's barely there, barely audible. "i think i was also just scared. i was becoming someone i didn't recognize, so," he pauses. "i dropped it."

i think, i think, i think, as if he was still unsure in a decision he made years ago. she leans against the shelf with one shoulder, her eyes fixed on his while he fidgets with a bag of candy. "do you regret it?"

"sometimes," he whispers, almost sheepishly. "i do want to seek help for it. yachi recommended therapy, but," he pauses again, placing the candy in his palms into hers. he wills his mind into ignoring the way her hand ghosts over his, but his body can't seem to follow suit, with the ticklish feeling running through his palm and the dusting of pink on the corners of his ears (it's only visible if you look hard enough). the bag is set up neatly on the shelf, in line with all the others of its kind. "id want someone i know to listen to me. someone who actually knows me, not someone who's forced to."

she doesn't ask any more -- she knows not to. her shoes squeak against the tile as she makes her way to the next row, kageyama following behind her with the cart of boxes. they fall back into routine. he passes. she places. again, and again, and again, until it's muscle memory, so much so that they just barely miss the chime of the doors opening.

the pair from across the street -- none other than her two favorite new grounds employees (and his, though he'd never admit that) -- waltz into the building, steaming hot coffees cusped between their gloved hands and thick, wooly scarves (matching, of course) wrapped around their necks. "we thought we'd visit," yamaguchi explains first, taking his and yachi's drinks and placing them on the counter as if the place were their own. "it's slow tonight, and i think i'd rather kill myself than make small talk with our boss."

the two rid themselves of their garments -- the scarves, the coats, the gloves -- and just like the coffee, it all finds itself splayed across the counter.

a warmth spreads through her chest at the sight. it comes again when they all sit behind the register, two spare plastic chairs pulled out for the newfound company. and it rises once more when they all laugh in unison, the sound reverberating in both the store and her heart. it trickles up from the bottom of her ribcage to the top of her head, and with each pass it makes, she feels even lighter.

she wonders where it all was before. the white-hot glow of everything around her washes over the burden of being once riddled in her bones, and she questions the bigger picture that had consumed her life before: the false yearning for what once was, the reminiscence, the overbearing memory of someone that isn't quite her. a soft breath falls from her tongue, and another, and another, and another.

ᡣ𐭩 sooo cheesy LOL. but i loved when i first thought of this chapter bc the vibes were so cute and warm and i needed it to be in this series

ᡣ𐭩 updates r obvs going much slower be of school..... i need to be shot before APs kill me (AP phys and AP calc bc i will always hate you)

ᡣ𐭩 kageyama very often comes in sweaty from practice. do with that what u will

ᡣ𐭩 it's not very common for yachi n yams to come into the store at all. to kind of clarify the relationship btwn yachi yams and yn, it's like online they're oomfs and irl theyre just moots. do u catch my drift. in all srs yn is the one to visit them more often (bc it's new grounds, duh) which is kind of what sparked the household connection (outside of kenhina)

ᡣ𐭩 it's ALSO not very common for kageyama to be asked about the decision that sort of haunts his entire life. his roommates know it's a sore topic, and they were also there when the decision was made, and hinata brings it up way too much already, and it's just such an awkward conversation that they try not to pry too far. which is both great and horrible for kags, bc while he doesn't necessarily want to talk about it all the time (again, the theme of running away from his problems), he knows that bottling it up doesn't help at all

ᡣ𐭩 am i projecting? i guess we'll never know!

ᡣ𐭩 as i'm typing this i'm realizing that i need to finish mezzo forte (might discontinue it to be honest but ARGHHGHGHSD its so close to ending)

ᡣ𐭩 the fall of mezzo forte is like my fall of the roman empire. but this isn't about mezzo forte this is about the night shift

taglist: @causenessus @strawberryurii @iiwaijime @savemebrazilhinata @tiramizuloz @conrad4life13 @wyrcan @zazathezaer @nperoconelcositoarriba @cupidsblonde @thechaosoflonging @diorzs @aozui @fefesooli

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Yakuza x Reader (IV)

Happy Holidays! Remember your plans to visit friends and family back in your home country? Scratch that. The Yakuza men have other ideas for you in this cozy Christmas special. And you finally get to meet their fearsome Boss, who has a request for you.

Content: female reader, fluff

[Part 3] | [Part 5] | [Yakuza Masterlist]

You stare at your phone in disbelief, rereading each line and hoping you've misunderstood the kanji. Daitou and Kazuya are quietly frowning behind you, unsure how to help in such a situation. Their lack of response only confirms it.

The brief paragraph is written in bold, red font: Due to weather conditions, all flights are cancelled until further notice. Passengers have been refunded and will need to repurchase their tickets at first convenience.

One glimpse at the last-minute prices and you're certain of it: you won't be going home for Christmas. You slouch and sigh, somewhat at peace with the idea. What else can you do? You might as well get yourself a KFC bucket and stare at the holiday lights in the city center. You and the couples taking cheesy Christmas selfies, who will later wonder about the gloomy loner behind them philosophically crunching on spicy wings.

"Don't look so defeated, (Y/N). You can just spend that time with us instead. We're not such terrible company, are we?" Kazuya jokes, trying to cheer you up.

"We could even go on a trip around New Year."

Your eyes light up in anticipation, the sadness vanishing almost instantly. 

"Can we go to one of those hot spring inns? I've always wanted to visit an onsen." You put your hands together pleadingly. 

"Whoa! Take me out to dinner first if you're that eager to see me naked." The blonde man winks at you smugly. 

"How would I see you naked? The baths are separated, aren't they?" You inquire. 

"We can't go to the regular ones." Daitou pulls his collar slightly downwards, revealing a fragment of his traditional tattoos. True. A yakuza would never be allowed among the civilians. "We'd have to book a private bath, so there wouldn't be anyone else."

You blush at the prospect of being alone with the two men. Kazuya notices your nervousness and is about to continue his teasing, but Daitou speaks before him, unbothered and oblivious:

"Besides, you've already seen me naked. I can tell you Kazuya doesn't look much different. There's nothing to be shy about."

The blonde man can only gawk, taken aback, and you shove Daitou in a flustered panic, fumbling to find an excuse or a change of subject.

He didn't have to make your business public like that, or he could've at least announced it without you being present. Judging by the blonde's speechless reaction, you're guessing he hasn't been told about your sneaky office smooching that led to the occasional sleepover. If you think about it, there's nothing shameful about being intimate with your boyfriend, but...It's not something you're fully accustomed to yet.

As promised, after the coworker incident you were soon greeted with a job offer in the neighborhood. When you went to your old office to discuss the mandatory year contract, the managers nervously handed you an approval for resignation and refused to discuss any details. You were free to go, no penalty or obligation. They had a fearful demeanor and you hoped Daitou didn't dismember anyone involved. Regardless of his means, you were now at the liberty to pursue other careers.

On the other hand, you were rather anxious about your new workplace. You had flashing visions of drug cartels and gambling parlors, with thugs rattling their drinks at you and demanding proper service. Windows breaking and masked men rolling onto the floor, armed to the brim. Ginza hostesses scurrying behind you and asking for help against an angered client. The night before your first day, you restlessly shuffled in your bed, plagued by second thoughts. What could you possibly do for the yakuza? What ghoulish demands would they prepare for you?

Daitou was the one to accompany you in the morning. He showed you to your desk, and you could discern the blurred frames of people angrily discussing matters in the opposing meeting room, separated by a large window. You gulped.

"They're building a new apartment complex two streets down." Your boyfriend mentioned casually, helping you settle with your belongings. 

"Huh?"

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were curious about their talk."

"I mean, I am, but...Is that it?" You gazed at him incredulously. 

"What else? This is a real estate office. Upstairs is the stock investments."

"Oh...Oh...I thought..." You were a little embarrassed. The imaginary scenarios of bloody battles and crimes that kept you awake felt quite ridiculous now.

Daitou seemed to have picked up on your assumptions, because he chuckled and ruffled your hair, following with an explanation. 

"Boss is very strict with our Ninkyo-Do. If you're caught with drugs or petty theft, you're excommunicated. We used to have a bunch of gambling casinos as main income, but nowadays there's too much pressure from the police, ya know? Half of our members aren't even officially registered with the Yakuza, so they can't be tracked. We mostly do stocks and real estate. That's where the cash is. 

Heh. Kinda boring, ain't it? I'm afraid you showed up way after the golden times. Even I'm too young for it. If ya want, I can ask one of the retired seniors to tell you about it. He has a lot of great stories."

You held your tongue from bringing up his frequent killing sprees and just nodded, amused by the fact that his code of conduct didn't register human casualties as wrong. The Yakuza have strict rules of ethics that set them apart from regular mafia. Depending on the Oyabun, or Head of the Family, this chivalrous way of living is reinforced to all members or conveniently swept under the rug. Daitou's Boss seemed to fit in the former category. 

Therefore your "office job" turned out to be an actual office job without the quotes. Although you were often reminded the people passing by weren't your regular salarymen. Many of them were entirely transparent with you, striking up conversations about their latest arrest, or complaining about the poor quality of their pinky finger prosthetic they'd ordered from the Philippines. 

But this isn't the time to reminisce. The prolonged silence is unbearable and one could fry eggs on your hot, burning cheeks. Kazuya is the one to break the awkwardness. 

"Oh, yeah...You coming to the Christmas thing this evening?"

"We'll be there." Daitou smiles innocently, unaware of the discomfort he just caused.

Kazuya raises his eyebrows in surprise and looks at you.

"Did you...?"

"Yup. It's all fine." The dark haired man nods reassuringly. 

"Then I'll see you at dinner, little (Y/N). Don't catch a fever with all that steam blowing out of you." He laughs at your still baffled expression and places his large hand on your head, departing.

Daitou holds the door open for you and you hurry inside. As you both walk down the hallway of the luxurious restaurant, you can't help the nagging feeling that he's once again omitted some vital information. 

"Can you tell me again who else is coming? Just Kazuya?"

"Oh no, it's a Family meeting. So Boss and the rest of the Seniors, too."

You gasp in horror, but before you can scold him, you find yourself behind the canvas screen divider, facing a table of older men in suits, holding their drinks and eyeing you suspiciously. 

"Oi, who the fuck is this, Daitou?" one of them growls. 

"I already told you before, (Y/N). My girlfriend."

"Huh? Did you seriously just bring a civvy to our meeting? I knew you got a loose screw, boy, but this tops it all."

Daitou frowns and steps in front of you, visibly annoyed. 

"If ya got a problem with my woman being here, I can settle it for you, old man. When was the last time you fought someone?"

"'s that supposed to mean?"

"It means you've gotten too comfortable sitting up there and barking orders. Let me remind you why they leave the killings to me."

The thick tension in the air is quickly dispersed by a loud, relaxed laugh. At the end of the table, a heavily scarred man with grey hair is clapping his hands in delight, seemingly amused by the events unfolding. He glances at you and pats a cushioned seat to his right. 

"There you are! Come join us, miss (Y/N). Ignore those rusty grumps, they ain't seen a woman outside a host club." He throws the instigator a brief glare. "Is that any way to talk to my guest, Oota?"

The man swallows dryly and mutters an apology. He goes back to his drink, preoccupied, and the rest follow suit. 

You hesitantly kneel down to your designated place, sheepishly peeking at the mysterious figure. Could it be? As if reading your mind, Daitou places an encouraging hand on your waist and lowers his head to your ear, swiftly whispering "that's Boss" before going to greet the others at the table. 

"I-it's a pleasure meeting you, Sir." You mumble nervously.

"No no, pleasure is all mine. I'm Eiji Ijichi, 8th Head of our Family." 

His introduction is unexpectedly warm and his easygoing way of speaking reminds you a lot of Daitou. The faintest grin threatens to appear, but you cover your mouth. With enough imagination, this could be the equivalent of meeting your in-laws. This is Daitou's family, after all. A criminally scary one, but nonetheless you've been welcomed with open arms.

"Do you drink?" The older man asks you, raising his porcelain cup.

"Naturally." You exclaim and lift your own cup enthusiastically. 

"Attagirl!"

As the night progresses, the men at the table are loosening up under the influence of expensive alcohol. Kazuya seems to be caught in a terribly involved conversation with Daitou and one of their Captains, gesturing dramatically and occasionally raising his tone. You notice your glass has once again been filled by the waitress and take another sip, satisfied with observing their fun from the sidelines. Boss has a similar approach, gazing nostalgically over the rowdy group of thugs.

He reaches for his pack of smokes and you scramble to pick up the lighter, politely bowing as you light up his cigarette. He smiles at your gesture. 

"I see Daitou's trained you already."

He ponders for a moment, gently blowing a cloud of smoke upwards. 

"You'll make a good wife."

"Excuse me?" You question, startled by his sudden remark. 

"It's hard to tell, but I'm getting pretty old myself." He snickers at his self made compliment. "Soon it'll be time to pick my successor. I have no children, unless you count that rascal I picked from the streets." He says as he tilts his chin towards Daitou. 

"I love him like my own kid, but I'm sure you noticed he's a little off. Everyone is terrified of him. You can't have a leader if everyone runs away from him, ya know? I was starting to get worried I'd work myself through retirement. Kazuya can only do so much!

Then he comes up to me grinning like an idiot. I thought, 'There it is. He finally lost it', but instead he asks me if I want to see a photo of his girlfriend. Girlfriend?! I was ready to witness some crusty body pillow, my hand was on the phone to call our Family doctor. He shows me a cute foreigner standing next to him. Now I'm pretty sure he's not smart enough to fake photos like that, so it must be the real deal. 'How the Devil did ya pull this one?' I asked him. Cause listen, I was rather handsome back in my day and I still wouldn't have been this lucky.

And would ya look at that, it's the miss that moved into our apartments! How's the living conditions, by the way? Everything going fine?"

You nod energetically.

"Good, good."

He crosses his arms and nods himself, satisfied. He turns to gaze at you intently, with a face you can't quite read.

"You gotta excuse a drunk old man for rambling so much. What I'm trying to say...well...

Take care of him when he becomes the 9th, will ya? If he has you, I'm sure he'll manage. But don't tell him I said that! You gotta keep them humble. See, that's a lesson for you too. If there's one person the Head of the Family bows to, that's his wife! But I doubt he'd let the power get to his head."

You both turn to Daitou. He just finished pouring more sake to his superior and notices your stare. He blushes slightly and waves, unsure why he's suddenly being observed. 

"I think so, too." You respond, waving back. 

How would that look on a CV? Ane-san of a Yakuza family. 

[vexic929]

Domestic Prompts

Send a character and a number for a ficlet!

"I love this." "What?" "Us."

"This house looks so different with you here."

"When was the last time we spent an entire day together, just the two of us?"

"The house doesn't matter, you are my home."

"I never want us to forget why we fell in love in the first place."

"What did I do to make you fall in love with me?"

"Happy anniversary!" "It's not-" "It's the one year anniversary of when we moved in together!"

"I made this for you."

"Did you ever think we'd make it this far?"

"What is this?" "A ten year plan!" "It's just pictures of us."

"Every morning I fall in love with you all over again."

"Ah, leftover takeout, the epitome of romance."

"Can we stay in bed for just a little bit longer?"

"Let's get dressed up for dinner tonight." "We just cooked-" "We don't have to go out!"

"I'm sorry I was so grumpy last night."

"The kid(s) are out..."

"We've been so busy lately, I feel like we haven't been home at all."

"Do you remember the first night we spent together in this house?"

"I feel so safe and warm in our cozy little nest."

"I want a kiss from my favorite person." "I don't think you can kiss yourself."

[babyangelsky]

My Favorite Shows of 2024 💖✨

Welcome to Babyangelsky's 2024 Wrap Up! To commemorate my second year of watching QL dramas, and my first year of actually talking on my blog, I've compiled a series of lists to celebrate all the QL things I loved this year!

Please feel free to take my categories and make lists of your own and tag me in them if you do!

💜 All the lists can be found here! 💜

We've arrived at my final list! If you've read all of my lists, some of them, or only this one, thank you! I've really enjoyed looking back and talking about everything I loved this year.

May we receive even more QL blessings in 2025 💖

♡ Love Sea

There are many shows that I loved this year and many favorites among them, but this one is my very favorite. This is my show. I could not begin to tell you how excited I was when we learned that we'd be getting a new FortPeat project and that we were going to get to see them act together again. I love them both so much that I was always going to love this show because of them regardless of what it ended up being.

But what it ended up being was a really damn good show. I don't care what anyone says. It was so much more than just amazing chemistry and love scenes. I was writing about this show weekly. It had me talking about the acting and styling, keeping track of colors, doing scene breakdowns and character analysis, coming up with clown theories, the whole nine.

Love Sea is that girl. For me.

♡ I Saw You in My Dream

This show gave us the softest, sweetest love, mutual horniness, joyous sex, casual affection, supportive parents, and then without even trying, it also healed everyone's religious trauma in the kindest and gentlest way possible. It was wonderful and refreshing and healing to see queer characters have a warm, loving relationship with their faith and have it be something that gave them comfort and that they could share.

Seeing Ai just casually sitting in a cathedral to find some peace meant so much to me. I'm so happy and grateful that this show exists.

♡ Unknown

I want this show injected directly into my veins because, babes, everything about it is like heroin to me. It's not just a favorite of the year, it's a favorite of all time. It's quiet in this intense way that I really enjoy, which is a quality shared by a few other entries on this list. I love when a show can make me feel everything and god, did this make me feel everything.

I've already talked about how phenomenal the acting is in my favorite performances list but it's impossible to praise this show without also talking about the lighting and cinematography and colors and chemistry because it's all beautiful. It's a goddamn masterpiece.

♡ Knock Knock Boys

I genuinely love when a show takes me by surprise. I hadn't even fully decided whether I was going to watch it or not before it aired and I don't quite remember what convinced me to give it a chance, but I'm so glad that I did.

You look at it and think all you're gonna get from it is a fun silly time. And you do get a fun silly time! Then you go a little deeper and you realize what you actually have is a series about learning to communicate within relationships and outside of them, making peace with yourself, navigating love and sex, and figuring out what you really want in life, all tied up in this giant sparkly sex positive bow. It's an absolute gem.

♡ We Are

We Are is the epitome of what I like to call a cotton candy show: it's sweet, fluffy, and fun. There aren't really any stakes, there's not a whole lot going on. It's just a little treat there to give you a good time.

And boy howdy did it air when I needed it most. I had a very, very rough summer and every episode of this show felt like I was getting a hug. It was so cozy and comforting. It was a love letter to friendship and it has my entire heart.

♡ Our Youth

At the time of writing this series still has three episodes left before it ends and even though a lot can go wrong in three episodes, I'm still confident in saying that this is one of my favorite shows of the year. In fact, this may be my favorite Japanese BL. Full stop.

There is just something so...entrancing about it. That quiet intensity I mentioned earlier. I love how it uses silence and light, I love that every piece of dialogue feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, I especially love what Kamimura Kenshin has done and continues to with his portrayal of Haruki. I just love everything about this drama. Everything.

♡ Two Worlds

I was so damn excited for this show from the moment I first saw the pilot. It was one of my most anticipated dramas of the year and not only is it my favorite MaxNat project to date, it was my first time ever writing about colors!

The killer chemistry and truly beautiful love scenes were all but a given and the fantasy element was a trip, but writing about the colors was what really made this for me. The sleeper color demon in my brain (which sneaks in when you attend @respectthepetty Colors College) had me looking at the stitching on clothing and the exact shades used in any given plaid pattern to try and make sense of the random and ever-changing use of colors in this show and I had the time of my life doing it.

♡ Love for Love's Sake

We had this show for a grand total of TWO WEEKS. Isn't that insane?Just two weeks and it gave us these beautiful characters who tore us all open in the best way and left us gasping for air and infinitely glad that this show was made and that we got to watch it. That was my experience, at least.

To me this is a show about learning to heal and to love yourself through loving somebody else. There are as many interpretations of it as there are people who watched it--as it should be--and mine ultimately comes down to this: Myung Ha's best friend loved him so much and wanted so dearly for him to be happy that he created a reality where Myung Ha got the love and sense of belonging that he always deserved, and it was beautiful.

♡ Wandee Goodday

What's even better than being blessed with the gift that is bunny boy Great Sapol? Sex positivity! Condoms! Advocating for sexual health! The bunny boy being the greenest flag in all the land! Ace rep! Ace rep with a happy ending! BL Mother of the Year Cher! The first GMMTV wedding since same sex marriage was legalized in Thailand! Horny gym massages! Therapy! Title Kirati finally being a good boy in a BL!

And on and on and on! In my heart and in my soul, I'm a good time girl and this show was SUCH a good time. It was a delightful little treat from beginning to end.

♡ The Loyal Pin

You know a show is special when just hearing the intro music makes you feel happy and comforted and giddy with anticipation. This is a beautiful show. It feels like the dessert table at a fancy, expensive wedding.

Everything is well done. Everything. The acting and the story are incredible, the cinematography is stunning, the styling is gorgeous, the OST fucks. It's just so damn good from top to bottom that it's become my favorite GL ever. I love it dearly.

♡ My Stand-In

Characters like Ming who are the human embodiment of lead paint and the stories they feature in aren't for everyone, but they sure are for me. Especially when those stories are led by great actors like Up and Poom who can have me in my feelings with the tiniest shift in their expressions.

They had me so in my feelings, in fact, that I arranged my watch schedule so I would always have a fluffy show to decompress with after every episode. It was that intense and if I loved it as much as I did, it was became Up and Poom were that good. I love a sweet love story but I also love a story about people who are DEEPLY deranged about each other.

♡ The On1y One

Even though I did not watch the finale of this show and will not watch it until such time as a second season has been announced, filmed, and is ready to premiere, it was still one of my favorites of the year. I just can't be mad at it.

It had everything that I love. Quiet intensity and great acting and dialogue and EXPRESSIONS and Benjamin Tsang's face and yearning and tiny little moments that live in my mind rent-free. I just wish it was complete because I love these characters so much and want to see them happy.

♡ Century of Love

I was raised on telenovelas. I've been watching them my whole life. So of course I'm always going to have a soft spot for BLs that scratch that lakorn/telenovela itch in my brain and that's exactly what this show did!

It gave us soulmates! Reincarnation! The red string of fate! Magic rocks! Wet dreams after a 124 year dry spell! Questionable CGI! Goddess-approved yaoi! And holding all of it together was Daou and Offroad's phenomenal chemistry. I fucking love this show!

♡ 4 Minutes

There are few things I love more in this BL watching life than letting Dr. Sammon take me on a wild ride, and boy was this a WILD FUCKING RIDE. I didn't come up with a single theory or do anything but cheer Tonkla on the entire time it was airing, I just experienced it.

Every episode was a feast for the eyes, whether it was the acting or the cinematography or the music or, as was usually the case, a stunning combination of all those things. We had to wait so long for this one and even though I wish it was longer, it was entirely worth the wait.

♡ See Your Love

Another one that has yet to finish airing but that's so lovely in every way that it has already found itself among the ranks of my favorite Taiwanese BLs ever. No surprise considering the team that made it also made another one of my faves.

And it really is lovely, unhinged assassination attempts and all. The love between the mains is a phenomenal combination of healing and horny and the story gives its characters--especially its deaf protagonist--so much humanity and treats them with care and respect. Not to mention that it features some of the best BL parents I've ever seen.

♡ High School Frenemy

When I tell you I was so prepared for this to be a series that I ended up dropping after a few weeks. The only reason I even watched it initially was for Mark Pakin and then something happened and I ended up liveblogging all sixteen episodes and loving it so incandescently that it became one of my favorite shows of the year.

And it was alllll because of Sky and Nani and that phenomenal chemistry that came out of nowhere and hit me--and all of us--with a steel chair. Watching Saint and Shin say the most UNHINGED ROMANTIC SHIT TO EACH OTHER was truly one of the highlights of my year. The character writing was great, the acting was great, the friendships were top tier. Truly the biggest surprise of 2024.

If the "more than friends less than lovers" shirt was a show, it would be this show.

♡ Sugar Dog Life

What a darling little treat of a show. It's so cozy and comfy and sweet. I'm always going to be a sucker for "food as a love language" shows and I enjoyed watching these two fall in love over meals so much.

As an aside, I spent almost the entire time slightly tormented because I couldn't figure out who Tanaka Koki reminded me of but I'm very happy to say that I figured it out: Sea Dechchart.

♡ Jack and Joker

For me, it's impossible not to love something that was so clearly made with all the passion, joy, and love in the world and that is exactly the energy that Yin and War brought to this project and I adored it.

This show made me feel the entire spectrum of human emotion every single week. I was never not excited for the next episode, even when it made me sad. It was fun and chaotic and beautiful to look at and I'm so happy that it exists.

♡ First Note of Love

This series is just...so gentle. Even though loss is a central theme in the story, it's never portrayed in a looming, haunting way. Matt's presence is always felt but in a way that's very human and beautiful.

At its core, this story is about all the ways love and grief are intertwined and giving yourself a second chance and letting love back in and allowing yourself to feel and I love it so dearly. So dearly.

♡ Dead Friend Forever

This is the show that finally got me to talk on my blog. I had such a great time being a clown and coming up with theories and reading other people's theories and spending entirely too much time looking at the minute details of that creepy damn mask.

It was a wild ride from start to finish and I enjoyed every minute of it. And it gave me TaBarcode, which was a gift I will cherish always even if thinking about them makes me want to listen to Rollin' in the Deep by Adele.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#47: The Lovebirds & The Snake (1.05)

gif cred: @taiturner

Up to this point we'd been having such a nice time with our little lovebirds...and then there comes a snake in their midst. 😪

But one of the things on my internal TOWL wishlist was Michonne having the chance to finally confront Jadis and tear her up...and well, TOWL yet again said 'wish granted.' 😌🧞‍♀️...

Outside of Richonne’s cozy cabin of love, we’re given our first indicator of how the world will soon be back to screaming at them when we see none other than trifling Jadis ominously making her way to the cabin. 😒

gif cred: @nerd4music

But before Jadis confronts Richonne, there’s a flashback to three years ago when Jadis first met up with Father Gabriel for the start of their annual tea times. 🙃

Now, I tend to want to fast-forward most of these Jadis/Father Gabriel scenes during a rewatch since they’re a little dragged out to me. But there is one particular thing that I very much loved hearing during their meetups. We'll talk about it later.👌🏽

Also, let me just say that this revelation that Jadis had been visiting Father Gabriel annually had me side-eying both of them hard. 😒

You mean to tell me, for years Jadis got to look forward to her little meetups with Gabe while knowing she’s the reason Rick doesn’t even get to know if his wife and daughter are okay or get to see them ever again??? Jadis isn't just trifling, she's evil. 😤

And as for that man Father Gabriel…😑. Seeing his involvement in these secret meetups had me like...

I was truly looking at Father Gabriel like SIR, if you would have let Michonne know that Jadis - who disappeared around the same time as Rick - meets up with you and she has a whole helicopter, I just know Michonne would have put two and two together very quickly.

Like Daryl is an elite tracker and he was never able to trace down Rick almost as if Rick, idk, just disappeared into the sky or something. If Michonne and Daryl knew about Jadis and her helicopter I just know they’d tell Father Gabriel to expect some company during his next annual meeting with that snake. Because they’d want to come along and ambush Jadis to try and get some potential answers about Rick's whereabouts. 

And I would've been in full support of Michonne and Daryl's tea-time ambush, like...

When chatting with Father Gabriel, Jadis acts like she doesn’t know anything when he says Rick died on that bridge and again - Jadis, you beast.

I feel like these flashbacks were intended to humanize Jadis but a lot of it just made me think about how heartless and selfish she is by seeking her own moments of personal connection with Gabriel while keeping Rick from his family. Had me looking at Jadis like...

So then they cut to Rick and Michonne looking precious and serene while they sleep in that tiny bed. ☺️

Seeing them like this made me so happy because, after years of going to bed alone, they finally get to fall asleep in each other's arms again, where they’re most meant to be. You just know this is some of the best sleep they’ve got in years. 👌🏽😌

gif cred: @nat111love

And, it's only seen for a split second, but I love how Rick is holding Michonne with his bandaged arm and she has her arm over his. Like I'm just so glad that Rick gets to go from experiencing the wild, lonely, and traumatizing day he chopped off his hand to now having that very arm held by the love of his life while they peacefully sleep. 🥹

And clearly, whatever they were up to the night before had Richonne knocked out, because Jadis is fully in the room with guns aimed at them and they don't even wake up until she actually speaks.

gif cred: @taiturner

I admit I did like hearing Richonne be called 'lovebirds' as Jadis greets them saying, “Morning, lovebirds.” 🤭 But at the same time, Jadis has always taken an odd and intrusive interest in Richonne's relationship so it was annoying hearing this come from her as well 😑

And this moment is very much giving similar vibes to Richonne’s canon ep in season 6 when they’re fast asleep and Jesus pulls up on them and startles them awake.

(Side note: I was thinking about how Jesus walked in on them in 6.10 and he really was too bold for that. 🙈 Like not only does Paul enter their house in the wee hours, he enters their bedroom. 🙃 And then even seeing that Rick is asleep and naked in bed with someone, he's still like psst we need to talk. And with what he had to talk about...it was important but it wasn't 'roll up on you and your woman in bed' urgent, so he could have waited a minute. 😅 But Paul's bold self barging in made for an iconic moment so I'll take it, even tho he definitely tried it lol.)

Both in the season 6 moment and this episode 5 moment Richonne immediately hops out of bed and grabs weapons and I love how in TOWL there’s sort of a weapon reversal with Michonne grabbing the ax and Rick grabbing a sword.

Two things about Richonne: they sleep very well after a night together & they're also instantly ready to be in fight mode if need be.

And, I love the little detail of having Michonne in Rick’s boxers. 😊 Also the body = ☕️, of course. 💅🏽

gif cred: @nat111love

Jadis tells Michonne to tie Rick to the bed and sit down. They know they’re kinda cornered so Rick drops his weapon. And you just know Rick is extra pissed because he had every intention of starting their morning more like this...

And then I like how Michonne lingers a little bit and just stares Jadis down before dropping her weapon. Baddest 👏🏽 Chick 👏🏽 In 👏🏽 The 👏🏽 Game 👏🏽.

gif cred: @tangerineprettygreen

Once again, if looks could kill Michonne’s stare would have Jadis dropping dead right then and there. I had been very eager for Michonne to have a chance to tear Jadis up after everything she’s done and Michonne looks like she wants to do exactly that now that they’re finally face to face. 💯

So Michonne ties Rick to the bed and then they prove that a couple that death stares together stays together the way they both look at Jadis like it’s about to be her last day on earth.

gif cred: @figmentof

Michonne calmly asks Rick, “You think she’s alone?” And never one to miss an opportunity to call Jadis out, Rick answers, “She’s alone. And I bet nobody knows she’s here.” He knows Jadis acts in self-interest so she’s probably trying to handle this solo to keep the truth about Rick and Michonne from linking back to her.

gif cred: @figmentof

Jadis says, “That’s just rude,” and then y’all, we get more um shall we say 'insight?' into Richonne as a couple when Rick pretty effortlessly tightens Michonne’s zip ties with his teeth. As many have noted, this felt a little too natural to be a first-time thing for them lol. 🤭

gif cred: @figmentof

I love how they so easily operate like a well-oiled machine doing this, and again they seem more inconvenienced than threatened by this snake in front of them. 

One of the many things Michonne and Rick have in common is they aren't afraid to be a little petty with an opp every now and then, so once again Michonne is just talking to Rick like Jadis isn’t even in the room when she asks, “How do you think she found us?”

Michonne's letting Jadis know girl, you don't even deserve to be addressed directly.

gif cred: @figmentof

Jadis realizes this petty couple is probably gonna keep ignoring her unless she interjects, so she says she’s just gonna jump in. And then she explains how she found them. She was suspicious of the circumstances surrounding their disappearance and when she went to the wreck she noticed a missing yellow truck.

As Jadis goes on and on about following their breadcrumbs on the route to Virginia, Rick again doesn’t address Jadis as he tells Michonne, “Nobody knows she’s here.” He’s over this serpent.

And Michonne confidently responds, “She missed her chance. She should’ve killed us while we were sleeping.” Richonne's energy here was really giving 'anyway...back to the conversation.'

Also, Rick and Michonne truly are cut from the same cloth because Michonne saying what Jadis should have done to them in this scene reminded me of Rick in the season 6 premiere when he finds that shady Alexandrian, Carter, going behind his back and he tells Carter how he would have done things if he was in his shoes lol.

Also, I love how within a span of 24 hours, Richonne has had guns pointed at them twice and both times they act like the one with the gun is the one in danger. And they’re correct. 👌🏽

It was fun seeing Richonne operate in the spirit of petty and unbothered together lol. They’re fed up with Jadis and y'all...

Jadis says she didn’t kill them because she previously left things unsaid between a confidante and didn’t want to do that before killing both of them.

Rick accurately tells Jadis about herself when he accuses her of just playing games and not really caring about the army or the city. She really does just play games in this franchise - putting the Anne in shenanigans for years and years. 😪

And Rick calling her Anne seems to get under Jadis' skin as she insists that she does care about the CRM and their mission and she’s not that woman she used to be in TWD. Also - the way Richonne is looking at her while she talks, it’s giving lethal lovebirds. 😌

Despite Jadis’ yapping about who she is now and why she’s doing this, Rick still is adamant that she’s doing this for her. Jadis says if she let Rick and Michonne go home then her important work would end if another officer found them.

And then the snake tries to pull her reoccurring line to Rick by looking at him and saying, “I saved your life.”

Jadis has spent years trying to force that 'life-saving' narrative on Rick but see, this time it goes a little different because now Michonne is here to set the record all the way straight.

gif cred: @taiturner

I appreciate that the second Michonne hears Jadis say she saved Rick's life, she immediately shuts that down and addresses Jadis directly for the first time to remind her, “You took it. You took it from him. You took it from me. You took it from our children.” 👏🏽💯

Exactly.

I love how Michonne is so fiercely defending her family and how she phrases it in a way that makes it clear that Jadis taking Rick took life from him and it took life from each of the members of his immediate family. Their family is their life and in keeping them from each other Jadis really did take so much from them. 😔

And now that Michonne knows Rick had been living while dead with the CRM, she really does mean it when she says Jadis took his life. (Also again, hearing Michonne or Rick say “our children” never gets old.)

Michonne continues, passionately saying, “All those years they grew up without their father. All those years I didn’t know if he was alive or dead.” I’m so glad Michonne got a chance to go off about this because truly these things she's talking about are a big part of why what Jadis did is so appalling.

Judas really forced kids to be without their father for years, and she knew it too. She might not have known about RJ (even tho who knows what Father Gabriel might've told her during one of their meetups) but she knew Rick had a young daughter. She knew he had a wife. And yet she still used Rick as leverage to 'upgrade' her life. So to Jadis I forever say...

And Rick is ready to match the energy and cosign everything Michonne is saying when he declares, “You stole our family, Anne.” 

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Richonne letting this snake finally know the truth of the matter, truly had me like...

But of course, Jadis acts like she doesn’t care and is unmoved by the damage she caused to the Grimes family. 😒

She explains why she didn’t kill Rick and Michonne in their sleep, saying she needed to thank them.

Jadis states, “By dying here today, Alexandria will remain safe and your children will have a better world.” What kind of screwed-up logic has her thinking Judith and RJ will have a better world without their parents in it??? The CRM has people losing their everloving minds. 😑

Once again the subject of 'choices' comes up when Jadis says, “You could have made other choices, but you didn’t lose here. You won a different way. It’s the end of your story. Let that be your peace.”

I don’t exactly know everything that Jadis’ work entailed with the CRM since I think it was explored more in spin-offs which I didn’t watch, but I can tell that she clearly is used to these assassinations going her way. However, baby, this is Richonne so of course they are not about to go out like this.

The second Judas shoots at them, Rick and Michonne quickly get out of dodge. Rick tosses the bed on her and then Michonne is able to get in a much-deserved swipe at Jadis with RJ's ax which feels poetic somehow. 👏🏽 Like after Bowlcut played a big role in RJ not having his dad in his life for the first 7 years, now her time is getting cut short by the very weapon his parents got for him. Idk I just like to think of it as Michonne & RJ getting their lick back. 😋

Jadis scurries away and Michonne is ready to end her asap when she tries to shoot at her but Rick stops her. And the way Michonne says Rick's name, the woman is seeing red when it comes to killing Jadis. And same here, cuz I was yelling at Jadis like...

Rick says they need to go cuz they have to stop her. So Michonne breaks her zip ties as they then head off for a little car chase action where Michonne will remind Rick of exactly why Jadis has gots to go today. 👌🏽😌

[hansmic]

𝓈𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝒶𝓉 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒

hyunjin x gn! reader

summary:
you and Hyunjin are high school sweethearts and go your separate ways, each experiencing heartbreak and growth along the way. Years later, you cross paths again under unusual circumstances. Can you rekindle your old flame, or is it just a nostalgic memory?

genre: fluff, romance

warnings: none

word count: 661

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━

It started with a glance, a fleeting moment in the crowded high school hallway. You locked eyes with the new transfer student, Hyunjin, and the electric feeling of attraction was undeniable. Over the course of several weeks, you found yourselves drawn together, spending afternoons studying, laughing over inside jokes, and sharing dreams for the future.

The first time your lips met, it felt like fireworks exploding in the night sky. For the first time, you understood what it meant to fall head over heels.

Years passed, and life took the two of you down separate paths. You both faced heartache, disappointment, and the harsh realities of adulthood. Each of you grew and evolved, carrying the memories of your high school romance in your hearts.

One day, while browsing social media, you discovered that Hyunjin was now famous, and rumors of a troubled life in the spotlight. Curiosity piqued, you sent a private message, wondering if he remembered you from his past.

To your surprise, Hyunjin responded almost instantly, his tone warm and friendly. You caught up on the past, laughing about old times and updating each other on your lives. The spark was still there, hidden beneath the surface, and you wondered if the connection between you was as strong as ever.

Eventually, you decided to meet up for coffee, both nervous but excited to see each other after so many years. The moment you saw him walk through the door, your heart raced just as it did back in high school.

As he approached your table, you couldn't help but smile. "Hey, stranger," you say, trying to play it cool despite the butterflies in your stomach. Hyunjin grins, his eyes lighting up as he takes a seat across from you.

"It's good to see you, " he replies, his voice filled with genuine happiness. "I've missed you more than you'll ever know."

The conversation flows easily, with you both sharing stories, laughter, and memories. You can feel the connection between you growing stronger with each passing moment, like a flower slowly opening its petals.

When it's time to leave, you exchange numbers and promise to keep in touch. You hug, and as you pull away, you realize that the spark between you is as strong as ever. Will you have the courage to explore these feelings again, or will you let them slip through your fingers like sand?

Over the following weeks, you and Hyunjin continue to text, call, and meet up when your busy schedules allow. With each interaction, the bond between you deepens, and you realize that the old flame has never truly been extinguished.

One rainy evening, as you share a cozy dinner at a quiet restaurant, you find yourselves in a heartfelt conversation about your past love. "Did you ever think about us? About what could have been?" Hyunjin asks softly, his gaze locked onto yours.

You take a deep breath, unable to hide the vulnerability in your voice. "Yes, " you admit. "I thought about us all the time. I wondered if we'd ever have a second chance."

Hyunjin's eyes soften, and for a moment, it feels like the world around you disappears. "Do you think we deserve that? A second chance at love?" he asks, his voice trembling with hope.

You reach across the table and take his hand, squeezing it gently. "I think we do, " you say, your voice filled with determination. "We've both grown and learned from our past. Why not see where this connection takes us?"

Hyunjin's face breaks into a wide smile, and you realize that maybe, just maybe, love has a way of finding its way back. As the rain continues to fall outside

you both know that this is just the beginning of a brand new chapter in your story. Together, you will face the challenges and joys that life has to offer, stronger than ever before and ready to embrace the love that's been waiting for you all along.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱

hope you enjoyed

masterlist is here!

[the-offside-rule]

Liam Lawson (Red Bull Reserve) - Sappy

Requested: yes

Prompt: 23) "I can't believe you're wearing my jumper."

Warnings: none tbh

Liam woke up with a content smile, finding himself wrapped in the warmth of his girlfriend Y/n and the soft embrace of the morning sun that had managed to seep through the curtains. Y/n, still half-asleep, looked at him curiously throw just about closed eyes, seeing him smiling softly, his eyes scanning across her face. "Why are you so smiley?" She whispered, catching him off guard.

Liam chuckled, tracing his fingers along the outline of Y/n's face. "Because you're wearing my jumper and I cant believe it." He replied, a grin playing on his lips. Y/n raised an eyebrow, glancing down at the oversized garment she had borrowed for the night. "And that's a reason to be so happy?"

Liam nodded, pulling her closer. "It means you're mine, and there's nothing better than waking up next to you in my clothes." Y/n couldn't help but smile, feeling the warmth of his sentiment. They lingered in the cozy moment, wrapped up in each other. They blabbered endlessly for hours, enjoying the innocence of their newfound relationship. Liam, tracing circles on Y/n's hand, said, "Do you ever wonder what cats dream about?"

Y/n giggled. "Probably world domination and unlimited treats. What about you?" Liam shrugged. "I think dogs dream of endless belly rubs and chasing their tails." He replied, his eyes sparkling. "You are basically a golden retriever." Y/n smiled, ruffling his hair.

They shared a moment of laughter, their connection growing stronger with each shared giggle. Y/n looked at Liam and whispered, "If we were animals, what do you think we'd dream about?" Liam thought for a moment, looking into Y/n's eyes, and then he spoke. "I think we'd dream about mornings like this, where time stands still and it's just us, tangled up in each other. And then the sun makes the whole room look golden."

"You're so sappy as a boyfriend." She joked, before Liam pulled her closer and nuzzled into her. "I don't care to be perfectly honest." He sighed. "I've got you and that is enough for me."

[bumblesimagines]

Beth Harmon

you look... good.

you changed your hair.

when i needed you most, you were gone.

i was a lousy partner.

you look... good.

you changed your hair.

when i needed you most, you were gone.

i was a lousy partner.

Pronouns: He/Him/His, Male!Reader

A million things ran through Beth's mind as she furiously tried lighting her cigarette but the damn flame refused to flicker for longer than a second. Her mother, Benny Watts, Harry, Cleo, Bargov, Bargov, Bargov, they all consumed her every waking moment. Her hangover thumped violently in her head, the consequences of spending the whole day drinking whatever she could get her hands on the day prior, yet another thing distracting her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry. She wanted to break the damn lighter and-

"Beth?" The flame flickered, lighting her cigarette as a new voice sent a chill down her spine. Familiar, oh so familiar. A voice she so often thought about, dreamt about even. Her arms dropped to her side, pulling the cigarette along as she shakily exhaled a cloud of smoke into the crisp morning air. Her tongue swiped over her lips and she turned to face him. He was no longer a boy. He was a young man now. 

"(Y/N)." She greeted, her eyes dropping to scan his figure. He wore a cozy-looking long-sleeved sweater and his coat draped over his arm. He looked grown, obliviously, but it startled how mature he appeared. No longer the sly jock who smoked with her behind the school and listened to her explain chess without teasing her or trying to change her. Her former second biggest fan - her first biggest fan would always be Alma, her beautiful complicated adoptive mother -, her first kiss, her first time, her first heartbreak. "You look... good." She hadn't intended for it to come out so bitter.

"You changed your hair." (Y/N) smiled, that damned smile that'd made her heart skip a beat when she'd first seen it directed at her in the hallway at school. His gaze lifted to her red locks, mostly blocked by the beanie she wore. She'd barely brushed it that morning, only raked her fingers through it and when it refused to comply she'd opted for covering it. "It suits you, Beth. It's- It's good seeing you." 

She looked a mess, she realized, and bit her tongue. Beth smiled, forcibly and awkwardly, and took another drag from her cigarette to ease her jittering nerves. Not even Benny Watts had that sort of effect on her, even with his fluffy hair and cheeky smile. "I didn't think you'd still live around here. You said you wanted to leave this place and never come back." 

"I did leave. For college, I mean. I came back after graduating." He explained with a casual shrug. Of course, he had his life together. Beth hummed absentmindedly and nodded, rolling the cigarette between her index and middle fingers as she tried shoving down all the 'what ifs' desperately trying to rise. "I hear you've made quite the name for yourself, Beth. I'm happy for you."

"You weren't so happy when I had to attend tournaments." The words tumbled out quickly, far too fast for her to shut her mouth before she got the sentence out. (Y/N)'s smile faltered slightly and he chuckled dryly, something that made her wince. But all the inconveniences that'd piled up had put her in too of a bad mood to even think about apologizing. 

"Yeah, it doesn't help you chose a tournament over being here when my father passed, Beth. When I needed you most, you were gone. I think most people would be upset over that, don't you?" Beth pressed her lips together and she nodded, her gaze dropping down onto the pavement beneath her feet. 

"Yeah, I... I was a lousy partner." She admitted quietly. "I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to hurt you, (Y/N). Really. I- I just-"

"It's fine, Beth. It's in the past. We were kids. I never thought we'd end up as high school sweethearts, anyway." It stung to hear, especially when Alma had teased her about him being 'the one'. She nodded, forcing another tight-lipped smile in feigned agreeance and taking a long drag from her cigarette before dropping it on the floor and stepping on the end. She exhaled the smoke and motioned toward the building. 

"Are you here for someone?" For her?

"Yeah, actually, my..." He paused. "My, uhm, my fiancée's nephew is actually competing today. She's out of town so she asked me to, uhm... show some support, I guess."

Fiancée. God, it'd felt like she'd been sucker-punched. "Oh." She simply blurted out in response, her mouth refusing to form any other words. (Y/N) nodded, releasing a breathy laugh as if her world hadn't suddenly turned on its axis. There'd always been a part of her that believed they'd find each other again, that he'd attend a tournament and they'd catch up only to begin their romance all over again. 

"I could... I could see about getting you an invitation if you'd like? It'd be... nice to have you there, Beth." 

"Yeah, of course, I'm... I'm happy for you." What a lie.

[equalhealerr]

I genuinely don't even think the hate for connor specifically is that forced because at the end of the day he just sucks ass and doesn't seem to make her happy - if she was dating someone actually nice that was good for and to her and made her happy that would be one thing - we'd all be jealous because we love cait but we just want her to be happy and he doesn't seem to be doing that and he seems like a bad influence with his racist and problematic ass family and i still think him being around strippers was mad disrespectful and now being cozy with another man's woman grouped with all this context.... got me side eyeing him fr and we are all fans of CC here so we want the best for her regardless of gender we can theorize about sexuality all day when it comes down to it though we just want her to be happy and they can tell us they're happy all day long but their energy has always been so off as a couple for me personally and I'm clearly not the only one who thinks that

I would have no problem with Caitlin dating a man as long as he's not problematic and he actually makes her happy but that is just NOT C*nn*r. Whenever they're in public, like at a concert or party, he's super possessive of her and constantly holding her by the neck pretty much.

Also the apparent argument they had where Caitlin wanted to go out with her friends after a game and C*nn*r cussed her out and then drove off and left her in a parking lot. Not to mention the fact that he follows her EVERYWHERE!!! She's not happy with him and everyone can see that. She may *like* him but I don't think she's in love with him.

Also, going back to the whole birthday debacle, imo it's super disrespectful to be hanging out with bikini models in Vegas when your girlfriend has a basketball game in a different state, especially when she's a super public figure. If he wanted to fly from Indy to Vegas, he could've easily flew to Minnesota to be there with his gf to support her on his damn birthday but no, he spent it with half naked girls.

This shits puppy love at this point, it won't last.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

In case your ask box is still open for sex questions (CN: mention of CSA)

Do you have any advice on how to reconceptualize yourself as a subject of desire? I was very much raised to consider myself mainly an object of other people’s (straight men’s) desire and this was violently inscribed into me as a child and teenager.

Now I’ve transitioned and I’m being read as male (I guess most people read me as a cis gay guy?) so this object-of-desire messaging has largely stopped. I find this pretty disorienting, both because of the loss of “positive” feedback and because I literally do not know how to be anything BUT an object of desire.

I’m looking for ways to learn what I want, develop intentions and follow through on them but I find this so difficult. Even just communicating about my desire with anyone fills me with existential dread and anxiety. I used to have this self-image of being a slut but after a lot of therapy work I’ve just sort of stopped having sex and I’m a little lost with this.

I wanna do (more) therapy about this but I’d be interested to hear your opinion if you have one!

Thank you so much both for taking the time to read this and for all you’ve shared so far! It has been really helpful and interesting for me!

Oooh great ask! (And my ask box is always open for anything always. If I'm not willing to respond to what I'm sent, I simply won't, or will post a brief "hey this asker, sorry I'm not the right person!" Or whatever lol)

Anyway lets talk about this because I was literally just talking to a partner about this yesterday:

Hmmm. Possibly a disorganized/incoherent thought pattern, but I think as follows: I am accustomed to offering my pleasure and pain to the desires of others and finding pleasure in the giving of power over me. I am left a bit unmoored how to offer service to someone who does not seem to want the power to instruct me in what I am to give, even if other aspects are desireable to you. It will be interesting to learn what it can look like to offer my own desires as service to another I think.

So every time my service top and I fuck, it starts the same way.

Top sits down in the cozy chair and I lay in bed and snuggle up into the blankets. We chitchat until one or both of us brings up an activity we'd like to do. If I bring up an activity, I tend to bring it up based on current interests or recent fantasies. My service top tends to exclusively bring up fantasies I have shared with them in the past.

This is difficult because I am *fucking petrified* of sharing my fantasies with people I fuck. I Do Not Want To Do That.

I understand how silly that sounds given all my tomfoolery recently, but the thing is: what I *want* is kind of fucking dark. Not like. Content wise (okay so sometimes cnc can get content dark too sure fine fuck) but emotionally. I am SUPER aware that the vast majority of my sexual desires are tied, in some way, into the way I blur love and abuse. I was actually talking about this at staff meeting yesterday too, naming for people the cognitive dissonance of needing to defend and normalize something in order to survive while also needing to eliminate it from your life entirely, and the wild swings of instability that can come as you flip between these.

Nothing is more pleasurable to me than pain. Nothing is more erotic than someone choosing to inflict extreme sensations until I sort of....reboot. When Wifey and I first got together, she had to sit me down and explain that while she was happy to play in the fetish with me, she NEEDED me to be able to differentiate between "fetish" and "self-harm using another human being as the harm". This is.....not really something I've mastered.

Cpnversations like this have been really important for me. In the moment that someone demonstrates the capacity to harm(not just hurt, HARM) me, I get intensely turned on. What does this mean psychologically? No fucking clue.

But over the years a few different partners have had some version of this conversation with me "I will happily do what brings you pleasure, but I will not allow you to use me to damage yourself."

It's a hard conversation I'm not gonna lie, but that's because it's important. And it gets to the conversation of object/subject of desire.

See, I have learned that my relationship to self-harming sexual practices was rooted in the inability to believe that I was loved unless I was in pain. Physical pain was genuinely pleasurable, but emotional pain wasn't, and I was utterly unable to tell the difference. The emotional pain caused by partners who were willing to harm me was slotted into the same box in my brain as the physical pain caused by partners who felt violated by realizing they had caused me harm. But it shouldn't have been.

Some people left me. I left others. Little by little I realized as partners came and went that I felt much worse around certain partners and sought sex and pain to stabilize, vs feeling much BETTER around other partners and seeking sex and pain to experience each other intimately.

Now my partners tell me no when I ask for something that they feel concerned about me not being thoughtful of myself in asking. My partners ask me to want things without first giving me parameters in which it is acceptable to want and sometimes I tell them a desire and it is fulfilled and ither times I tell them a desire and it is denied, and ALWAYS WITHOUT FAIL that is done with love.

My service top sits and waits for me to say how I want to be cared for, and if they realize I am unable to, they offer me a safe, pre-negotiated alternative to making a decision. This is power as a gift, not as theft. They take nothing that is not freely given, ever, even when they pin me down and fuck me.

I don't know when all this started turning into a genuine ability to discuss my desires with myself (let alone my partners) but the safety of no (not just mine, but MY PARTNER'S) has been so fucking mission critical to that shift.

So lets name some resonances here:

Self concept as slut despite cyclical episodes of sexual abstinenance and a genuine inability to measure up objectively to many of my best slutty slutty friends and role models

History of subjugation of self and denial of right to your own no

The message that if your partner gives you a no that means something is wrong, rather than embracing and reveling in your mutual right to an un-interrogated no

Difficulty conceptualizing oneself as autonomous in desire rather than an object to have desire enacted upon

Terror of communicating any successfully conceptualized desire secondary to either mistrust of others' ability to genuinely care for us and/or fear of real and perceived abandonment/rejection

Lets name the solutions my partners found:

Establish boundaries with me that both expect and REQUIRE me to be capable of identifying and expressing boundaries of my own

Collaboratively build a process of repair following a no that acknowledges both the distress of the rejection and the need for a boundary to not be crossed or pressured

Practice wanting - this is obvi gonna be different for everyone, but my partners have established a lot of different ways they ask me to practice wanting a thing and expressing the want to them in a low stakes environment

Recognizing that "wanting" and "continuing to want" are not inherent bedfellows, and often I will need to back out of a thing I wanted

Learning how to reconnect with my body - we really haven't talked about this one yet, but my relationship with embodiment is......bad. i have had suicidal levels of dysphoria since I was nine years old for a number of reasons, some related to gender, others to chronic health conditions, others secondary to physical abuse, and still others secondary to the coercive/traumatizing medical practices inflicted on my throughout childhood. I am largely incapable of remaining present in my body for more than about 30min at a time and this level of grounding has taken LITERAL DECADES to manage. Sex has gone from a way I further inflict this harm on myself to a way I learn to love and safely experience my body. The more memories I build of safe/secure pleasure, satisfaction, comfort, coexistence, etc, the more it feeds into and nourishes my trauma recovery. After all, how can I know how to want anything if I can't even feel its effect on me? Whether or not I enjoyed the experiment? My partners have each found their own way, through a careful balance of pain, communication, pleasure, withdrawal, etc., to keep me anchored in my body with them enough for it to ACTUALLY BE SAFE to fuck me or play with me. Friend, for 17years I thought I couldn't have an independent orgasm. In the last 2 years since a few major milestones of embodied restoration, I have managed a half dozen on my own, and am now near guaranteed orgasm with a partner. While I still ENJOY an overstimulation/lack of control induced orgasm, it has ceased to be my only option for pleasure, and I can't tell you how much that changes things

This got super long and my brain went all over so I hope I haven't gotten too confusing or off track here but I think the TLDR is probably this:

TLDR: for those of us whose subjugation was multi-layered and/or all-encompassing, we may simply never be done processing the ways in which we learned to subjugate ourselves in a desperate and subconscious attempt to survive. This sounds terrifying when you first encounter the idea. If you can persist long enough, it will begin to taste like freedom. Just because the panopticon lives inside us doesn't mean we have to help it continue to abuse us once our jailers have gone from our world. The fear is old and comes from a time when someone could and would harm you and you lacked any recourse. That time is dead, but you are not. For years you made yourself into the image of a survivor. Now you must learn how to make yourself in the image of someone who is truly living. You have never known any terror so strong as freedom in your whole life. You will never know a greater joy than abandoning that terror in the dust bin of your history. I love you. What happened should never have happened. It is part of you, and every day you persist that part becomes less meaningful as it is subsumed by the experiences of loving and being loved with abandon. You have survived. You will do so much more. I love you, but it doesn't matter. I love you and it's the most important thing in the world. I love you and I will never need to know you to justify that. I will still love you when I know you. I don't matter because this only ever deserves to be about you. You are alive. You are a glorious accident the world will never see again. You could not possibly be forgotten.

We will all be forgotten.

To be forgotten is to have been loved deeply enough to grow away from and to have changed enough to become something new.

If the void calls eternal, than why not revel in the Noise And Joy of Living before it comes for us

[the-fiction-witch]

Arrangement P3

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating CUTE!

Requests: Arrangement part 3 please 🙏  Parent 3 pleaseeeee, this is so gooodd!! 💗 Part three or even part four where they skip the wedding PLEASEE Part 3 Part 3333 plzzz Part 3 please 🥺🥺 Pleaseee can we have a part 3! This is amazing! I NEED A PART 3

I smiled as I sat across the table from y/n on our third game, we weren't betting but I had won twice already. I had my lucky coin slowly flicking it between my fingers as I often do when I play, she had done pretty well but I was still better. Even if I admit my little firecracker distracted me from time to time looking so cute and adorable, and we'd been playing footsie under the table the last half hour. She folded again so I took her hand and kissed it.

"You play very well my dear," I smiled,

"Just not as good as you," she playfully smiled, 

"I'm sure I'll teach you a few little tricks once we're married?" I winked, 

"I'm sure you will," She giggled, 

"Shall we have another game?"

"No that's alright, I don't want to waste our time proving something we already know." She said, "Besides it's getting late,"

"True, I don't want to keep you,"

"It's alright I don't mind, I mean we have a week to get to know one another its good to use as much time as we can,"

"It is nice to have so much time together," I smiled, "So we have time to get used to each other... But, I do have work tomorrow."

"Umm, I don't want to keep you up if you have work in the morning,"

"Well, if you like I'd be more than happy to come see you after work?" I suggested, "Or if you're not busy you'd be more than welcome to come down to the hospital and visit?" 

"You wouldn't? I woudn/t want to bother you at work,"

"No, no you'd be more than welcome my dear," I smiled, "I'd love for you to come and visit me while I work." I told her as I leant on my arm a little, "I'm sure my macabre little soon-to-be wife would find herself cozy in the morgue with me will I do some work," 

"I'd love to," She smiled, 

She got out of her seat and adjusted her dress so I got up too giving my waistcoat and adjusting, before she walked me to the door, "It has been a pleasure, Jack,"

"It truly has, I admit I am looking forward to our wedding even more now."

"I am as well," she nodded as she squeezed my hand, "Well we have only seven days to wait,"

"Only seven days, and I would love to see you again before the wedding if that's alright with you?"

"I would too, tomorrow if I'm not busy I'll come visit,"

"If I don't see you shall I come up? maybe we could have another game?"

"I'd like that." 

"Well then either way I'll see you," I smiled, "And I look forward to it," I moved a little closer unable to stop looking at her lips, "May I?"

"May you what?" She raised her eyebrow,

"May I kiss you?" I asked her, 

She blushed hard her eyes met the floor, "I- I think we best save that for the wedding,"

"What?" I chuckled,

"I know it's silly but... I think it would be a sweet beautiful moment. For our first kiss to be our wedding kiss."

I smiled, awww that's so cute. I did want to kiss her very badly but... I can't help it that's so adorable! And I mean it's one week. I can wait a week. "if that's what you want." I nodded even if I was a little disappointed, "May I kiss your head at least before I go?"

"You may," she blushed,

I smiled and held her cheeks in my hands her skin so sweet and soft I moved closer and kissed the top of her head, inhaling her sweet scent and feeling her soft hair, I let my kiss linger a little longer as I didn't want to let her go, but I moved back and couldn't hold back my smile. "I'll see you tomorrow my dear."

"I look forward too it Jack," she cooed giving my cheek a kiss before she escorted me out the door she gave me a little wave so I gave her one back before she shut the door. 

I smiled too giddy to move for a while just staring at her red wooden door, my cheek burnt where she kissed me like I couldn't bear it, I wanted to open the door take her in my arms and give her a million kisses. But I headed back to the hospital and collapsed on my bed trying hard not to smile, I had been so worried, so scared, so concerned I was walking into a shit show. But now... having met her. I can hardly wait a single day let alone a week to marry her. I wanted her in my arms. in my bed. watching her read horror novels. letting her read my palm. kissing all over her. and flirting with her till she turns as red as a strawberry and having her be her sexy little firecracker self and making me blush too. I never imagined I'd actually be so smitten with any girl let alone the one I was arranged to marry . But... I couldn't be happier and more excited for tomorrow. 

[wannabepapa]

Haiii!!!!! Coming in with an ask to hopefully brighten your day at least a little!

I keep thinking about renting a quiet cabin somewhere where there's lots of snow for the holidays. I'm due in a month or so, so we wanted to spend one last holiday season snuggled up together before our bundle of joy is here. We get snowed in, but there's no cause for worry; we've got plenty of supplies and each other's company. Cozying up next to the fire, donning massive sweaters that look ridiculous yet adorable on us. Mine would be tight around the belly, but that makes for easy belly rub access, so I view that as a plus. I'd get you all situated by the fire with plenty of pillows and blankets before waddling off, coming back a few minutes later with some warm cookies and two mugs of cocoa. After everything's situated and settled, I'd crawl into your cocoon of blankets to snuggle up next to ya, letting my belly, alive with the movements of our little nugget, rest gently on your tummy. A perfect evening for a snowed-in couple of goobers, and as the fire smolders to embers, we'd either sleepily head to bed or decide to stay snuggled up on the couch for the night.

Or something like that sdjbahdahsbfha I am rambling hard. I am very eepy so thoughts are a little jumbly rn. Anyways enjoy this slightly messy Marin Brain Thought™

Marin, light of my life, the sweetest friend to ever exist!!!!!!!!! I am kissing your head because that brain is beautiful and I am so very appreciative of this ask it hits me in the feels for the cozy and domestic stuff!!

We take this moment—it's the holiday season and we deserve a break before baby comes—to disappear into a cozy cabin for the remainder of the holiday season. Our perfect second baby moon (I would have taken you on another holiday while you were around five months pregnant because the woman carrying my baby DESERVES A HOLIDAY) to not only reign in the new year but to celebrate us before bringing in a new being. I have made sure that we've got the coziest place with the perfect views before booking our nearly three week trip.

I have purposefully overpacked so we would have our favorite blankets, pillows, pjs, and even some of the baby's stuffed toys so we would feel comfortable on vacation. I have never been anywhere that has snow that didn't melt the next day so this is exciting for me. I've got new jackets and jumpers for us to cuddle in by the fire so we stay pleasantly bundled while watching the snow fall. I hope the baby is as excited for this trip as we are because this cabin is perfect and I don't really want to leave.

You bury me in our soft things and all the things we found in the cabin to make a nest of the living room floor. We don't have our at home but this will do as a temporary replacement. I keep trying to drag you back in to get warm though you keep escaping my grasp to waddle away. When you come back with snacks and cocoa I can't help but imagine our little nugget toddling right beside you with our newest addition nestled safely in your now noticeable bump. Who knows, maybe I'll be the one wrapped up in blankets with our newest addition while you get snacks for our happy toddler.

As you nestle down beside me my arms bring you in close, a hand spraying over your swell to feel our baby. That jumper is stretched so thin we can see their movements clearly—I love pointing out their little feet and poking them to play. Once we're settled I talk about how this is a perfect tradition to continue with our family, and how I can't wait to have another baby with you.

[96wonulicious]

nothing more than that - x.mh

genre: fluff; wc: 1276; ⚠️: suggestive remarks

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

What's better than camping on a hill above your city on a cozy summer night? That's right, camping on a hill above your city on a cozy summer night, with your friends!! It was one of their very few free weekends and they were more than happy to spend it with you.

Everyone was gathered around the fireplace you had set up. The food was taken care of and dished out by Mingyu, the Gordon Ramsay of the friendgroup. You sat between Jeonghan and Joshua (or the evil twins as you like to call them) just catching up about work and life in general lately. Jeonghan talked about enlisting, although he didn't seem too excited about it.

"Uhm guys, could maybe one or two of you go and get more wood for the fire?? It's slowly starting to go out.." Mingyu asked. "I can go!!" you happily exclaimed, willing to do anything to keep the night from ending. "Minghao will help you I think" Joshua smiled and nudged Minghao sitting beside him. "Sure, I definitely won't let her go alone" he said as he stood up and walked over to you.

You guys started heading for the woods to find some acceptable firewood. The walk was quiet but comfortable, Minghao taking you by the hand to "not get lost" as he said. You can't lie and say that you didn't like it, quite the opposite even, it only made your crush on him even worse than it already was. Yes, you were infact in love with your dearest friend, Xu Minghao. Does he know? Let's hope not.

"You know why they let us go alone right?" he suddenly asked. You looked up at him, only to have the most breathtaking view ever. The setting sunlight hugging his face, making his beautiful brown eyes stand out even more, his hair framing his face in a way that made you want to do nothing but kiss him all over it.

A waving hand in front of your face pulled you out of your trance. "Hellooooo?? Is anyone home??" he asked, lightly shaking you. "Sorry what?" you said and laughed in embarrassment. "I asked if you knew why they let us go alone." he laughed. "Uhh yeh because of the shipping thing right?? After all this time they still believe that we'd make the best couple ever" you said. "Yeah haha, they just won't let that go" he smiled.

It became a common, daily occurrence for the others to comment on Hao's and your friendship. They always thought you and him end up together, even going as far as to place a stupid bet, with everyone putting in the amount of time they think it'll take you two to actually start dating and who'll make the first move. The winner? Get's treated to dinner by the other 11 members.

Your little conversation was interrupted by some rattling in the bushes that made you feel a bit uneasy, but with Hao on your side you knew that you were safe. "What was that..?" "Probably just a mouse or something, nothing you have to be scared of" he reassured you. "seriously? a mouse?" you heard a familiar voice say. "I'M A TIGER NOT A MOUSE, you should've been scared, not clown me.." Hoshi said pouting, climbing out of the bushes behind you.

"You were taking so long, so I wanted to make sure you aren't making bab- OWW" he yelled when you hit him on his shoulder, stopping him from vocalising his (and probably the others) atrocious assumption. After having a good laugh about it, you finally got the firewood for Mingyu.

Returning back to the group, you got some shit eating grins from EVERYONE, also having to deal with Hoshi telling everyone how he "almost caught you doing the devils tango in the woods". You just rolled your eyes and laughed at his dramatic ass. Mingyu revived the fire and everyone started sharing memories you guys made together.

Soon it was around 11 p.m when the first ones started to get tired and slowly got into their tents one after another. Now it was just Minghao, Jun and you left by the fire. "You know, if you become a couple today I'm winning the bet" Jun suddenly giggled. Hao and you just side eyed each other in silence. "No but seriously bet aside, it is really obvious that you like eachother. Please do us a favour and just get together already, we're kinda sick of putting up with your guys' obliviousness" he rolled his eyes before also leaving for his tent.

You scooted a bit closer to Minghao, a bit unsure of what to do right now. Maybe Jun was right? Maybe he likes you back and you should just confess already? You felt his arm sneaking around your waist, pulling you even closer to him than you already were. You swear you could hear your heart pounding in your chest. Usually this wouldn't make you so nervous, but tonight was different. The thought of him reciprocating your feelings made your cheeks light up in a bright pink shade, surely noticeable if it wasn't nighttime.

"Do you like me?" you asked and turned to him. He just stared into the flames in front of you. Nothing. Complete silence. His lack of response almost made you tear up, thinking everyone might've just played a big prank on you. Until he spoke up. "Yes. Yes I do like you __. I've liked you for so so long now, I don't know how you didn't notice. Even the others did.." he confessed.

You were stunned to say the least. You thought you might have lost your chance, but now here he was. Your crush confessing his love to you. You were sure your heart would jump out of your chest any second now. "Really..? Like, you're not joking right?" "Why would I joke about something like that? Do you think I'm that kind of guy? To play someone like that..?" he asked, finally turning to you.

You couldn't stop staring at him. What am I supposed to do now? He came dangerously close, leaving a tiny gap, that'd only fit a sheet of paper, between your faces. His eyes switched from your eyes to your lips, back up to your eyes. You nodded slightly, giving him the reassurance that he needed to do what he's been waiting for the most. You looked at his lips one last time, before you finally felt them on your own.

If it weren't for the other's practically tearing down their tents and applauding like crazy, you surely wouldn't have stopped until the sunrise. "THERE IS NO WAY JUN WON THE FUCKING BET" you heard Hoshi scream. You turned around to see all the guys looking at you two. "Took you long enough huh?" Jeonghan laughed. Jun came sprinting towards you, squeezing you both until you were on the verge of turning blue. "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME WIN GUYS!!" he happily exclaimed.

"Well, technically no one has won yet, since we haven't heard them officially become a couple..." Wonwoo mentioned. "Wait you're right, that means Jun hasn't won yet!!!" Dokyeom followed. Minghao looked at you, taking your hand in his. "It's a bit weird doing this in front of everyone but __, will you officially be my girlfriend?" he finally asked. "I'd want nothing more than that Hao" you answered, kissing him again.

This night couldn't get any better. Spending time with your dearest friends, getting with your crush and helping your friend Jun get treated to dinner 11 times. You wouldn't want it any other way.

[ryescapades]

RYE MY WIFE HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

So what are we doing for today:3 let’s plan our date! Jkjk

BUT what will you be doing today with Rin??? What are your plans for the dayyyyy

also also! Who’s the picky eater in the relationship with you and and Narumi? Who sucks at first person shooter games and who carries the other (I bet the answer is you ehehehhee)

Love youu I hope you have a lovely day today and treat yourself to yummy snacks:3

DANYL MY LOVE HAPPY VALENTINES !! 💐

OUR DATE ERM i don't mind doing anything as long as it's with you ^^ since it's weekday and awl i can wait for u to finish your work or class or wtv then we can do something ewehuehuweh

high chance me and rin are gonna stay in ... bcs he's been so busy with soccer so it's hard to find any free time TT but we might also go out to a cozy little cafe and just spend a lazy day there. both me and him aren't rly into grand gestures so even the simplest dates already mean so much to us <3

methinks neither me or narumi is picky with our food ... we eat just about anything as long as it's good ykyk. but i do think that sometimes we have our random moments where we're just not in the mood to eat a specific type of food so we'd be a bit picky there.

FPS GAMES OOHH i'd like to claim that i'm better when it comes to support roles and picking up where my dead teammates left off but narumi would definitely be a better sniper than me hm (sometimes i'd troll him by blocking his view whenever he's using the gun scope LOL)

[fairytales-and-folklore]

There Is No Answer (But Eleanor Is The Answer)

The Good Place » Cheleanor

Title: There Is No Answer (But Eleanor Is The Answer)

Author: fairytalesandfolklore

Fandom: The Good Place (Masterlist)

Relationship: Chidi Anagonye x Eleanor Shellstrop

AO3 Rating: Mature (a complete collection of author's notes, inspiration credits, content warnings and tags can be found on AO3)

Summary: Chidi struggles to uphold his morals and not stray from his universe-approved soulmate, but something about being with Eleanor just feels right.

"Not that I'm complaining in the slightest," Eleanor laughs, a little breathless. "But what exactly changed your mind?" Chidi looks at her like she's the sun after a thunderstorm, a radiant smile lighting up his every feature as he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close. "I took a second to think about it," he says simply. "And what I decided I want is you.

Read On AO3 | Read On Tumblr:

In the center of the neighborhood, nestled in between an antique book store and a cozy café, a charming little clock tower chimes twice in a delicate trill, as two figures make their way down a quiet, narrow lane lined with a mismatched mosaic of cobbled stone, lit by glowing golden lanterns set into wrought iron and suspended from each building's facade.

Bouquets, bushes, and branches bursting with a colorful collection of spring and summer flowers brighten every corner shop, complete with a magnificent floral arch woven with the finest never-wilting wisteria, while in the distance, a symphony of crickets, tree frogs, and night owls serenades its residents into a peaceful slumber.

"Now, I know we're in heaven," Chidi remarks with a lighthearted chuckle. "And that technically, everything here is supposed to be beautiful and perfect…but there's something a little extra exceptional about the neighborhood after hours, don't you think?"

"Ehh, it's alright," Eleanor quips, secretly thinking that she much prefers the view of her company, rather than the scenery. "I'm not so jazzed about that clam chowder fountain, though."

"Yes, that is a puzzling centerpiece, now that you mention it," Chidi concedes, casting a quizzical look over his shoulder at the opulent fountain lit up in a sapphire glow. "Especially since they chose New England over Manhattan."

"Honestly, both are gross," Eleanor laughs, casually bumping shoulders with him, and positively beaming when he playfully nudges her back.

"You know, it's funny. When we started three months ago, I never thought I'd get so into philosophy that we'd study past midnight," she says, coming to an abrupt halt in front of Chidi's apartment, eyes skating over the colorful assortment of bricks painted in bold bursts of citrus, framing the earthy emerald green of his front door. It's an odd combination of colors, but Eleanor finds that it makes her feel happy. Bright like summer sunshine. Bright like Chidi's smile. 

She wonders idly if the inside of Chidi's apartment has been decorated with a similar theme, but highly doubts she'll ever get the chance to find out, no matter how much time the two of them have been spending together. 

Which is to say, nearly every day, from noon until midnight, for the past three months, ever since that fateful couples' game night when Tahani paired them up for charades after Chidi's soulmate ditched. 

Speaking of which—

"Esmerelda must be wondering where her soulmate is," Eleanor says, the tiniest ounce of guilt creeping up the back of her neck as she fiddles with the sleeves of her shirt.

"Ah, no, she's off in her aviary," Chidi replies, heaving a sigh that masquerades as a chuckle.

"You know, sometimes I think that her ravens are her real soulmate," he jests, and though he tries to pass it off with a laugh, the exasperated look in his wide-eyed expression makes it clear that he's genuinely vexed by it.

"Actually, you should see her with them," he adds, in what he hopes is an off-hand, casual tone. "It's intense…and, if I'm being honest, sexually charged."

Chidi blinks several times as the terrifying memory replays in his mind's eye. He shakes his head as if to clear it, but there isn't enough brain bleach in the world to make him forget what he'd witnessed. 

Eleanor's playful smile immediately drops, replaced with wide-eyed concern. For months now, she's been doing her damnedest to be supportive and sympathetic to Chidi's dissatisfaction with his soulmate, laughing along with him as he shares little anecdotes and makes jokes to mask his defeat over his failed attempts to connect with her. But no matter how hard he tries, it's obvious to Eleanor that Chidi just isn't happy with his soulmate. And if that's the case, then maybe, she thinks, maybe now is her chance to finally tell him that—

"Anyway," Chidi says, a warm, affectionate smile brightening his features as he purges all thoughts of Esmerelda out of his mind and turns his attention back to Eleanor. "This has been fun, as always—"

She doesn't really think about it, she just acts. Before she's even fully aware of what she's doing, Eleanor has leaned forward and pressed her lips against Chidi's, swallowing the rest of his words with a kiss.

It lasts only seconds, and then she's pulling back to gauge his reaction, a mischievous smile curling across her lips, giddy laughter on the tip of her tongue. In that moment, Chidi forgets how to stand, how to think, how to breathe. He's so stunned, so caught off guard, that when Eleanor lets go, he nearly loses his balance and collides into her, not quite ready for the kiss to end as swiftly as it had.

"Uh…what was…why did you…who was it?" Chidi asks, stumbling over a string of words that had started off as complete sentences inside his head, and turned into absolute nonsense the moment they'd tumbled out of his mouth. 

Despite his surprise and confusion, he can't seem to help the ridiculous smile that spreads across his face at the sight of her. Can't help but somewhat smugly think I caused that as he watches a rosy blush blossom beneath the pulse points of her cheekbones and swim down the length of her neck. Chidi swallows thickly, trying desperately not to imagine what that might feel like beneath his lips.

"Okay, I'll take those one at a time, I guess," Eleanor giggles, bright blue eyes sparkling in the golden glow of the lanterns and the sea of silver stars above their heads. "It was a kiss. I did it because I wanted to. And as far as who it was, it was me, you weirdo."

But it isn't an insult, isn't meant to wound, like most people usually intend whenever they name-call. Every time Eleanor does it, it's playful and affectionate. He never knew he could feel comfortable doing that with someone. Certainly more comfortable than he's ever felt with—

Oh. Right.

"Eleanor, I…I have a soulmate," Chidi sighs. 

With a sudden jolt of paranoia, he glances up toward the window of his apartment, half expecting to find Esmerelda perched atop the roof alongside her many scowling ravens, plotting his…well, he couldn't possibly die again, could he? He's not entirely sure, but he feels like if anyone could make it happen, it's Esmerelda. Goodness, his soulmate is scary.

"Yeah, and you're not into her at all," Eleanor retorts. "I mean, come on, there's no way you're supposed to spend eternity with a woman who sleeps in a giant nest."

You deserve so much better, she doesn't say aloud. And yeah, maybe Eleanor doesn't know if she qualifies as better, per se, but motherforker, at least she actually likes Chidi, which is more than she can say for his supposed soulmate. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, sometimes, Eleanor thinks she might even be falling in lo—

"Look, I know that she and I are in a bit of a rough patch, but we just have to find the answer for how to get out of it," Chidi insists. "Like my parents. You remember that story I told you about my parents."

It sounds ridiculous even to his own ears, but he has to at least try. And sure, technically, his parents already had a strong foundation of love, and genuinely wanted to be with each other, but hey, the universe must have paired him up with Esmerelda for a reason, right? He just has to try harder to make it work. And then…then maybe he can finally be happy. 

"Yeah, look, I don't think that story is as cute as you think it is," Eleanor winces. She looks skeptical, looks at Chidi like he's a train wreck in slow motion, and she's just trying to signal to him to stop before he crashes.

Chidi's brow furrows, and he's overcome with a sudden urge to explain himself, to defend the significance of what he still considers, to this day, his greatest achievement. That story, the fact that he was able to fix something so special and so important with a solid argument of logic and data, was the very thing that set his entire career into motion. He based his entire worldview around that story, how could Eleanor just—

"I mean, I'm sure you were cute. Big melon head, and a little necktie," Eleanor amends with a playful chuckle, noting the subtle shift in his expression that means she'd clearly struck a nerve.

"But that moment. I mean, woof. That's too much to put on an eight-year-old," she says, and the thought of him, so young and vulnerable, so stressed out all the time, makes her ache. "I kind of wish that cute little Chidi just got to be a kid, rather than a miniature professor trying to solve all the world's problems."

"Well, but…" Chidi falters, momentarily blindsided. All his life, he'd always put so much pressure on himself to do better and be better, and here Eleanor is, insisting that he'd done too much. 

"But living that way led me to philosophy," he says. 

And then philosophy led me to you, his mind unhelpfully supplies. 

"And sure, I was written up in a medical journal as the youngest person ever with a stress-induced ulcer…but I got into the Good Place!" he reasons, like that somehow makes it okay.

Eleanor's eyes grow wide as she tries to process that horrific reveal, but then she simply shakes her head, and with a smile, thinks, Yeah, sounds about right. That's my Chidi.

"So, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a second to think about what I owe my universe-approved soulmate, and not just…uh…make out with you," Chidi says softly, his heart skyrocketing into his throat as he stumbles over that very last part, trying his damnedest to reign in a ridiculous smile at the thought of it, imagining what Eleanor's lips might feel like pressed against his own, the taste of her tongue between his teeth, the rumble of her laughter against his chest as he holds her close.

Eleanor looks…disappointed, but keeps it tied together with a smile. She's respectful, and composed, and…if he's being perfectly honest, quite different from the kind of person he'd expected her to be when he'd first met her three months prior.

"Okay, man," she concedes with a bittersweet sigh. She puts her hands up in mock surrender, and Chidi can't help but notice how exceptionally tiny she looks in her oversized sweatshirt, completely encasing her hands in its bright pink sleeves. She's positively swimming in it, and the effect is, admittedly, adorable. He imagines that's probably how she'd look wearing one of his shirts, if—

Nope.

Can't do that.

There he goes, letting his mind wander into dangerous territory again.

"Kiss rescinded," Eleanor promises, and Chidi's heart nearly splits in two. "We'll just study philosophy, like two platonic nerds, until Michael discovers me, or until Esmeralda turns me into a toad with her magic amulet, because she can see that we're obviously into each other."

She means it as a joke, Chidi knows, but the truth it brings with it is unbearable. Oh, how he wishes she was wrong. Wishes he wasn't secretly harboring all of these inappropriate feelings for—

Actually, no. If he's wishing for things, what Chidi really wishes (and he's surprised at himself for thinking this) is that the universe hadn't chosen a pre-approved soulmate for him, but rather that he got to choose who he wanted to spend the rest of eternity with, and that they got the chance to choose him in return. 

Esmerelda is a perfectly…um…fine person…probably, once you get to know her…but she's just not…she's just not the one he wants. And given the way she acts around him, he's clearly not the one that she wants, either. He wasn't kidding, sometimes Chidi genuinely believes that Esmerelda would be happier with her ravens.

Son of a bench, this is cruel. The one time he actually knows what he wants, can actually make a definitive choice about something big and important, and he's stuck with what's already been decided for him. Locked into an eternity with someone else. Someone he doesn't want. This is supposed to be paradise, and yet, the one thing he wants most in the universe is standing right in front of him, telling him that she wants him, too, and he—

He just can't—

If only he could bring himself to—

His eyes lock onto Eleanor's, and suddenly, he's lost, swept up in the waves of her ocean eyes. A bittersweet, hopeful smile twitches at the corner of her lips, and in that moment, Chidi finds himself drawn to it, wanting nothing more than to make it bloom.

In a surprising turn of events that shocks even Chidi himself, he surges forward, closing the infinitesimal space between them, and kisses her. Perhaps with a little more zeal than he'd meant to, trembling ball of nerves and adrenaline that he is, but after the initial moment of shock wears off, it's clear that Eleanor is into it.

"Not that I'm complaining in the slightest," Eleanor laughs, a little breathless. "But what exactly changed your mind?"

Chidi looks at her like she's the sun after a thunderstorm, a radiant smile lighting up his every feature as he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close.

"I took a second to think about it," he says simply. "And what I decided I want is you."

Eleanor bites her lower lip to keep a big, goofy grin from forming, and Chidi can't help but laugh, convinced it's simultaneously the hottest and most adorable thing he's ever seen. With a devilish smirk, Eleanor tugs him back toward her by the collar of his pale blue button-down, lacing her arms around his shoulders and carding her hands through his hair.

Gently revolving them on the spot like a pirouette in a waltz, Chidi presses Eleanor up against the door of his apartment building, eliciting a burst of delighted laughter that quickly evolves into a breathless moan as Chidi covers every inch of her neck and shoulders in fervent kisses. 

Eleanor responds in kind, grinding her hips against him, reveling in the muffled groan it ignites at the base of his throat as he buries his face into the curves of her neck, a soft gasp escaping her lips as she shifts against him, feeling the rapidly growing hardness of him pressed against the inside of her thigh. 

Desperate for the privacy and comfort of his home, Chidi's hands frantically fumble for the door handle, and within seconds, they're stumbling inside, mapping their way through a series of winding corridors and up a flight of narrow stairs, until finally, they're barreling through the front door to Chidi's apartment. 

They're a whirlwind of tangled limbs and breathless laughter, knocking portraits and statues off their pedestals along the walls and shelves that line his living room, but Chidi finds he hardly cares, far too caught up in the thrill of simply being with her.

"Too many clothes," Eleanor whines, tugging at the collar of his shirt, impatiently tearing through a sequence of little white buttons until it's hanging loosely off his shoulders. Eleanor arches an eyebrow in surprise, hands tentatively reaching out and splaying across the canvas of his chest. She glances up at him, an appreciative smile curling across her lips that makes a blush burn beneath the apples of his cheeks.

Ever so gently, he lifts her by the hips, his arms cradling her backside as she wraps her legs around his waist, and carries her, guiding them through the shadow-swept living room, lit only by the golden glow of the lanterns and the silver moonlight shining through his window. He means to lead her to the bedroom, but he stumbles in the dark, kneecaps colliding with one of the legs of his massive, mahogany work desk. 

It's an absolute gorgeous piece of craftsmanship, lavish and pristine, teeming with a marvelous array of secret drawers and storage space, an absolute dream come true to a well organized mind. And Chidi had tidied it to perfection, all 3,600 pages of his half-finished thesis stacked in the center, not a leaf out of place, brightly colored post-its detailing revisions and inspiring new ideas, fountain pens arranged in various wooden holders by color and width of nib. 

Without thinking or remotely caring, Chidi clears the carefully crafted contents of his desk with a single swipe of his arm, scattering fountain pens, papers, and post-its to the floor with a resounding crash. 

"Professor!" Eleanor teases with a theatrical gasp, a mischievous smile curling across her lips. Chidi merely chuckles and rolls his eyes, a furious blush prickling at the back of his neck as he swallows her laughter in another kiss, before gently placing her atop the polished wooden surface of the desk, and immediately dipping down into a kneeling position. Slowly, torturously, Chidi frees her of her jeans, until she's left in nothing but her oversized sweatshirt, its hem just barely grazing her thighs.

Chidi's breath hitches in his throat as he takes in the sight of her, hair a wild mess of golden waves spilling out across the curves of her collarbones, oversized sweatshirt loose at the collar, slipping down on one side and exposing her bare shoulder. She's a whirlwind of beauty and intoxicating aromas: coconut and vanilla, with a hint of honey and a twist of peppermint, a subtle blend of fragrances brought to life by the pulse points on her wrists and neck.

Now it's Eleanor's turn to be rendered breathless, as Chidi presses a series of kisses along her calves, slowly making his way to the apex of her thighs.

"Can I?" Chidi asks, his voice like caramel wrapped in whiskey, sending shivers down the length of her spine. Eleanor nods vigorously, all manner of coherent thought slipping from her mind as Chidi settles between her thighs and does positively sinful things with his tongue that make Eleanor very appreciative of the fact that he's multilingual. 

Delirious and incoherent, Eleanor gasps, "Bedroom. Now," and allows him to whisk her away, carrying her bridal style across the threshold of his room. Chidi's bedroom is bright, warm, and inviting, adorned in muted earthy greens and warm golden yellows, in faux leather armchairs and cozy little reading nooks, and at its heart, a luxurious queen-sized bed, swathed in a plush collection of comforters and pillows.

Once all the blood has rushed back into her legs, and she no longer feels like she's going to fall over, Eleanor coaxes Chidi down onto the mattress, tilting him backward with a gentle press of her fingertips until he's lying flat on his back, watching with a dazed sort of wonder as Eleanor prowls up the length of him, frees him from the confines of his clothes, and takes him into her mouth. 

Chidi grips the sheets, starstruck at the feel of her lips wrapped around him in a delicate swirl of silk and fire, the vibrations of her self-satisfied chuckle amplified against him as she maps his every curve with the tip of her tongue. 

She brings him to the very edge, disengaging before he can come undone completely, and Chidi groans at the sudden loss of contact. In an instant, she's settled atop his thighs, positioning herself just so until she's hovering teasingly above him. Twin sighs spill from both their lips as Eleanor sinks slowly down onto the length of him, and Chidi can't help but marvel at the way she moves above him, calling out her name in a cascade of euphoric moans. 

He reaches down between them as if on instinct, but then pauses, asking her if it's okay for him to touch her. Eleanor nods enthusiastically, amazed at how he seems to just intrinsically know exactly what she needs before she even has to ask, knows exactly how she likes to be touched, keeping perfect pace and rhythm until she's coming undone for a second time, his name a blissful moan on the tip of her tongue.

"Allow me?" Chidi asks, a burst of confidence blossoming inside his chest. Gently cradling the small of her waist in the palm of his hand, Chidi proceeds to flip them over in one swift, fluid motion, settling his hips between the curves of her thighs. He moves slowly, languidly, fingers laced in between her own as he presses their entwined hands into the mattress, capturing her lips in a series of dulcet kisses, and pouring every ounce of affection and longing into their gentle embrace. 

Eleanor's eyes flutter closed as she nuzzles against his forehead, reveling in the weight of his chest pressed against her own, in the thunderstruck thrum of his heart as it matches hers beat for beat, both of them burning every detail of this night into their memories as they unravel together, silently swearing that it's the most beautiful sight either of them has ever seen.

• • •

Several hours later, Chidi lies awake, watching the gentle rise and fall of Eleanor's chest as she drifts into a peaceful slumber, the tousled tangles of her hair splayed out across his torso like a golden wildfire as she snuggles into the crook of his shoulder. He reaches down to gently smooth them back, tucking a stray lock behind her ear, face aching from a smile that, for the past three months, had become something of a permanent fixture. 

It should feel wrong, what they've just done, but it doesn't. In fact, it feels like they've done this all before, every touch born out of muscle memory.

Maybe, this one time, the universe is wrong.

Maybe Eleanor is his soulmate. 

Or maybe soulmates don't actually exist, and it's all about making the choice to actively choose each other, over and over again, every moment of every day.

Chidi honestly doesn't know, and for once, the idea of not knowing doesn't scare him. The only thing he knows for certain, he muses as he settles in to fall asleep beside Eleanor, is that he wants this.

[zomboyfren]

Insane guy ramblings, it's a long one

Crazy to think it's been a year already. It feels like I've known her all my life, because I just can't imagine it without her. I've been self shipping here and there pretty much ever since I could get a pencil to paper, but for a long time I didn't let myself see it as a serious thing. Just a hobby, just for fun, etc etc... Never before could I imagine letting myself be so devoted to a fictional woman.

But with Ana, it just feels like it was meant to be... I still remember the feeling when she first caught my eye, I couldn't stop thinking of her at every moment. I knew almost right away that she had me wrapped around her finger, and I couldn't even dream of resisting it... Not that I'd want to.

I really think she's the most perfect woman alive... She's so beautiful, all of her features aged like a fine wine, her smile makes me melt into a puddle and her laugh gives me the fuzziest feeling in my chest. Her voice is like being wrapped up in a blanket, so warm and cozy and safe, she has the most gorgeous accent and I'm so entranced even when she chides me for being a big oaf.

She gives me a meaning to life, even in the worst moments I find myself wanting to stick around just for her. She makes it all worth it. And for that, I'd do just about anything for her, I'd cut my heart out of my chest and offer it on a silver platter if she so much as asked me to.

And she deserves it, I can't think of any higher honor than being the one she comes to in her times of need... When she stresses, worries, being the only person she lets in... I have no idea what I did to deserve such a role. I'll take care of her every day with a smile.

Sometimes, when I go about my day or when I lay in bed and imagine her there, I can almost feel her next to me. I wish I could hug her so tight that we'd fuse together into one, never to be separated again.

So yeah... This got way more ramble-y than I intended, but oh well. I had to get it out. Happy one year to the best mom and bestest wife a guy could ever dream of! I love you Ana 💘🐈‍⬛