#and i think that theme has better contrast on some screens than others

[elftwink]

in general if you screenshot something that is only text and is on the website that we are all currently using instead of hitting copy + paste i am already annoyed with you for making me read that at the shit resolution of your screen instead of as plain text but if you ALSO have that dashboard theme with dark purple text on a black background you are my nemesis now. it can be a homoerotic rivalry if you include an image description but otherwise i am going to melt you in a vat of acid. so think before you post

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#11: The One & Only  (1.02)

gif cred: @rcsitastark

IMO there’s just no better way to start these episode 2 revelings than by saying - ladies and gentlemen…her. 👑🙌🏽

Michonne Grimes is back and better than ever in The Ones Who Live. I love the attention and thoughtful exploration she got in this miniseries. 🥰

With ep 1, I was so excited to have Rick Grimes back after six long years and to finally learn what happened to him after he was carted away on a helicopter. And now ep 2 was going to give us the highly anticipated return of Michonne and finally learn what happened to her after she (and I) left TWD.

I was so stoked to have her on-screen again. I remember in Michonne's final TWD episode when she was walking to that mysterious caravan with those two travelers I was so sad knowing we weren’t going to get to go with her right away. But now the time had come for us to see her journey continue. And within seconds she reminded us all that Michonne still is and always will be the baddest chick in the game. 💯

So "Gone" opens with a gasman walker making his way through a horde. The gasman wears a shirt that says “Let me help you” and in a way, he does actually end up helping. Because the way he complicates things leads events to play out in a manner that ultimately leads Michonne to Rick. Once again this walker is proof that sometimes things have to burn to bring these back.

gif cred: @taiturner

It’s a quick ambiguous teaser and we can hear those signature weapon sounds before cutting to that beautiful theme song. And I like how every time you hear the missile sound you just know Michonne is near. 

So then we go to six years after the bridge and I like how “after the bridge” is sorta there bc/ad time marker. It was that impactful.

We get a closeup of the beautiful Michonne and it's a nice contrast from how episode one started with Rick facing away. I feel like the contrast helps illustrate the way Rick's circumstances have held him back while Michonne has had to keep marching forward.

Also, I love how TOWL knows how good-looking Michonne and Rick are so they stay giving them ultra close-ups. And as they give us this closeup of Michonne straight away the show was saying 'I know it’s been some years since you’ve seen Michonne so the first order of business is making sure y’all remember that the face card never declines.' 💁🏽‍♀️

gif cred: @chaoticroad

She says “My name is Michonne.” The one and only. And then she says “I lost someone years ago.” Then they cut to Rick just before he pulls the trigger and blows up the bridge and then again we hear Michonne scream his name. TOWL also said it's going to remind everyone of that painful tragic bridge moment several times no matter how much it hurts to see it. It’s an effective reminder of how much both Rick and Michonne hurt from having to live with the memory of that day. 

Then I love the part when Michonne says “But I just found out that he might…I just found out that he’s alive.” as we see clips from her final ep when she found Rick's boots, the phone, and some indication of Rick’s potential location. I love that she corrects herself that he is alive.

She’s choosing to believe in that feeling she’s carried all these years of thinking he was alive, and now that she’s got some evidence she’s declaring he’s alive outright. She knows it. As his soulmate, she knows he’s alive out there. And I love how Michonne always understands the power of words and of belief so she’s choosing to speak it out loud as a statement that he is alive. 

Michonne explains that she saw two people who needed her and she helped them because they needed help, no other reason, and no agenda. That's my Michonne. 🥰 Loyal and helpful and with a heart of gold. 👌🏽

Michonne says she sees what this group has and she still has a long way to go so she needs to ask for some help. But she says she also understands and will just be on her way if they aren’t in a position to give the help she needs.

See how Michonne is so understanding?…And yet when she wanted to keep the communities more separate for their protection and because she’d been severely traumatized, the people who were supposed to be her friends and family couldn’t offer her this same understanding. ���� (Yes I know that whole s9 arc was several years ago but I just had to bring it up real quick cuz when people disrespect Michonne they have beef with me...

So then the leader Elle starts off by thanking Michonne and Michonne says, “I appreciate that. Could I have a horse?” You can tell she’s not interested in any pomp and circumstance and just wants to be on her way to find Rick and get home to their babies.

Then Elle is taking up Michonne’s time and acting like Michonne is here for a job interview or something as she says she wants to get to know more about her and tell her about the community.

Michonne is kind saying thank you and that she’s impressed with what they have and then she says “But that ‘someone’ - I’m eager to go because I just found out that he’s…” I love this because while Dream Michonne teased that she’s not eager, Real Michonne has no qualms saying she's eager to get to Rick. 😊

She’s honestly being so patient, having just recently got the major news that her true love is alive. I know she’s itching to go but this Elle lady is like girl let’s just gab some more.

Elle at least is a little keen because she immediately knows Michonne is a gem saying, “You could be an asset to this place if you don’t find this person…” I like how in TOWL everyone Michonne comes across knows she’s something special. As they should.😋

gif cred: @perryabbott

And so then Elle is cut off by King Bach who tells her to just give Michonne a horse and like exactly because Michonne has places to be and Elle was nawt getting it.

Michonne gets up saying she could just go because she’s getting to Rick, horse or no horse. Elle gives Michonne credit for saving her sister's boyfriend and her sister and is again told by her sister to just give Michonne a horse.

Elle says, “I meant to say if you do find him you could be part of this community. Both of you.” Michonne says, “We have a community. We have kids” and y’all, when I tell you I let out a yelp of joy hearing her say that the first time. 🤩

Like even despite knowing for several years now that Rick and Michonne have kids, hearing her say "we have kids" just made me so happy lol. Their parents fr. Something about it just felt like she knows she and Rick will be raising these kids together soon enough. 

Michonne continues showing that Mama Michonne is in the building when she says, “Kids who need to see their father. Kids who I need to see. So I have to find him and I have to go now.”

Michonne is on this mission both as a wife and as a mother and she is not returning to her kids empty-handed. And that emphasis she puts on “now”... Michonne was trying to be patient with Elle but you could tell she was ready to get into her “step back” energy if this lady kept delaying her. Also, it's sweet how she says "I have to find him" because it's like she knows it has to be her. She knows Rick needs her specifically.  

Elle asks, “Go where?” And Michonne says Bridgers Terminal. (Side note: I always love seeing the ring prominently displayed on Michonne's necklace.) The caravan folks explain that there are a lot of walkers in the direction Michonne is heading and Elle again not reading the room is all cavalier like just stay awhile and get to know us. Which um, Elle, can you not tell this woman very eagerly wants to find her husband and get home to her kids?? Like ma'am plz...

Michonne lets Elle know she already knows enough about their group to read them a little bit as she notes how this group doesn’t stop for anyone ever, not even Elle’s own sister. Elle defends the community’s rules of not stopping for anyone and Michonne says, “That doesn’t sound like a community.”

Elle gets a little defensive saying, “Well this is how we survived” and Michonne, still as quick on her feet and unafraid to set the record straight as we remember, says, “But not everyone right?” Period. And Elle knows Michonne has a point as she finally doesn’t have words to respond back.

gif cred: @perryabbott

Michonne is over it as she says, “If you don’t want to give me a horse, I’m good” and prepares to leave. But just as she’s gonna go, the best bestie Michonne has had since Carl arrives - Nat. 👏🏽

Nat comes in hot and he’s also over this place for leaving Bailey and Aiden behind. Nat says he keeps this place going and he knows their community is strong enough to stop and save people and he questions what’s the point if they don’t do that. This quickly shows he has a similar mentality to Michonne.

Then Nat sees that his friends are in fact okay and it’s sweet to see the joy on his face as he hugs them. It’s also so sweet to see Michonne smile as she takes all of this in. They explain that Michonne saved them and Nat turns to Michonne as she just looks regal and says, “Hi.”

gif cred: @perryabbott

Nat says, “And you just…brought them back?” And Michonne, knowing that’s just who she is, simply answers, “They asked for my help so I helped them.” She’s just the best. 😊 And Nat knows it because he then offers Michonne her own VIP wagon.

I love that Nat is an instant Michonne fan. Same, Nat. And I love hearing Michonne’s laugh as she then says, “Thanks but, even if I didn’t have somewhere to be, I don’t leave people behind.”

gif cred: @perryabbott

Nat says he doesn’t either and again Michonne “Never Afraid To Tell You About Yourself” Grimes says “But you’re here.” And it’s a valid point yet again. Because by staying with this group it does make you a bit compliant with their ways of leaving people behind. I’m telling you the “Michonne is always right” streak continues. 💯

gif cred: @perryabbott

Nat asks where she’s headed and when she answers he too thinks it’s a bad idea because of the walker migration. But as Rick knows, Michonne is stubborn. 😋 Wonderfully stubborn. So she says, “I’m going” as she’s done hearing anyone else try to stop her.

Nat knows she’s serious so he says, “Looks like you are” and tells her he’ll give her a horse and she can have her pick. Elle tries to stop him but Nat becomes an instant fav as he cuts Elle off and makes it clear his decision is final and that Michonne can have her pick.

And then I so love Michonne’s silent but super-expressive response to that whole moment. The beginning of her and Nat's bond was born in this moment and it’s great to see. 😊

gif cred: @riickgrimes

So Michonne takes her walkie and finally gets out of that room with the group. She follows Nat outside as he asks if she’s waiting for a call. A true mother Michonne says, “Just trying to be home some way until I can.”

I love how she’s so determined to maintain contact with her babies while retrieving her other baby from his CRM misery. And you can tell her determined mindset believes she’ll be home ASAP.

gif cred: @perryabbott

It's so clear that Michonne misses Judith and RJ every second she’s away. Especially when we then see her on the walkie-talkie trying to speak to Shoto but getting no response. When Judith doesn’t answer she says, “Love you. I love you both.” And it’s just precious. 🥲

Any slander toward Michonne as a mother could never be tolerated around these parts. The sacrifice of being away from them right now is so clearly painful for her but, being the devoted mom she is, she's willing to do whatever she can to bring her kids' father back to them,.

Also thinking about Michonne and Judith both trying to speak to each other on those walkie-talkies even tho they can't reach each other...cue my internal tears. 🥺

gif cred: @perryabbott

So then Nat comes back as Michonne lets him know she’s ready to get out of here pronto and wonders where the horse is because it’s been an hour. Nat pitches the idea of Michonne staying with them one night before she embarks on what he deems “a suicide mission” But after he says this, Bailey and Aiden walk up to bring Michonne a top-tier horse and Michonne looks very happy to finally be able to get her horse and go.

Nat is sad and disappointed as he says, “There you go Michonne. You can bounce right now. But if you give us a night. Give us a chance to equip you, tell you how some said equipment works well, maybe you’ll survive 30 more seconds of your trip once you hit the Delaware border.”

Michonne has this sweet big smile as she lets them convince her to stay one night. She charmingly says, “One night. And I’m leaving at dawn.” And I love the way Nat and them then respond like mom just agreed to let them have a sleepover. 😊

Nat excitedly gives Aiden and Bailey orders and wants Michonne to have the best and “something custom” which Nat is a king among men for wanting to give Michonne the best of the best.

Michonne is all looking at Nat confused and amused and she asks, “Measure what? And what are scream sticks?” I know Nat saw Michonne and was immediately like 'now this is a fashion muse that I just have to dress.' 😋

gif cred: @nerd4music

Michonne is told that she’ll find out what it all means and she’s just like “Really?” Which was cute. And then next we see her slaying in the corseted armor. Nat (and the actual wardrobe department) ate with the armor. 🔥

gif cred: @perryabbott

As Michonne rides her horse alongside her new friends, she thanks them for the armor, horse, and everything else. Then Aiden says, “Michonne, you’re gonna find him. I know it.” I love seeing them encourage her. I was super glad that Michonne got to experience some sincere supportive friends in TOWL after it had become a rather rare occurrence in the latter seasons of the main show.

Then Nat wants to get some things straight saying, “Rick blew up on a bridge and it’s been years?” You can tell he’s thinking 'Sis, your man might be gone onto glory by now.' ���

But Bailey reminds Nat to tread lightly and Michonne co-signs saying, “What he said.” That golden rule of don’t try Rick in front of Michonne still holds true. 👌🏽

Nat admits he likes Michonne and doesn’t like many people so he doesn’t exactly want to lose her company. Michonne smiles and then gives the group something to think about as she questions why they stay with a group that leaves people to die. She says she thinks they’re smart enough to find another way and Nat says, “I guess we’re surprisingly stupid Michonne.” And Bailey says, “or afraid” which is the truer reason.

Michonne says she’s glad she met those three and then wishes them good luck. They wish her good luck too and the way Aiden looks at Michonne as they walk away on the horse, it seems part of her worries that Michonne won’t be so lucky on her travels. 

gif cred: @richardgrimes

Michonne immediately turns on her walkie trying to reach her kids again. Nat notices and says, “You said your kids were in Virginia right?” I like that this shows she clearly opened up to Nat more the night before, telling him about Rick and his name and where her kids are.

Nat says the walkie-talkie will be out of range soon and then hands her the notebook we saw her using to write letters to Judith in the TWD series finale.

In a sweet gesture, Nat says, “You can still talk to them. Then you can show it to them when you get back” as he gives Michonne an encouraging smile. Michonne says, “I thought this was suicide” and Nat’s face falls as he says, “It is. I was just being nice.” Hearing that has me like dang he really was just trying to have them land on a nice note before she went off to what he believes is certain death. 😅 But baby, this is Michonne the one and only so if anyone can make it it’s her.

gif cred: @perryabbott

Also, it’s interesting how Rick was dealing with a more internal threat of suicide while Michonne was confronting a more external risk of ‘suicide’ according to Nat. And I love how writing letters to loved ones is something both Rick and Michonne found solace in while dealing with inward and outward trials and tribulations.

Michonne and Nat go their separate ways as Michonne again tries to reach her baby girl on the walkie to no avail, and you just know she longs to hear her kids’ voices on the other end.

And while Michonne is going her separate ways from Nat and co now, it won’t be the last of them in her story, as Nat is destined to play a very impactful role in Michonne’s life. 😌👌🏽

[franklyimissparis]

jet skis on the moat: a queer-coded line-by-line lyrical analysis

this one was highly requested by me, myself, and i btw. sorry it’s so long, i truly cannot be concise when analysing alex’s lyrics, i get too into all of the different possibilities lmao.

Jet skis on the moat

- the titular line of the song is an interesting juxtaposition that could be interpreted in many different ways as jet-skiing, an adventurous and adrenaline-seeking activity, is contrasted with the defensive confines of a moat. the moat could be a metaphor for alex’s defenses around himself and his feelings, with the idea of jet-skiing around a moat being akin to doing something that should be fun and freeing while in defence mode.

- it could also imply that things are going in circles, like moats often do. that they’re having a good time but they aren’t able/willing to explore beyond the safety and comfort of their private spaces.

- to me, the phrase also invokes the idea of both being kept close to home (and never allowed to explore without inhibitions) but also being forbidden to enter fully into alex’s inner self

They shot it all in CinemaScope

- cinemascope is a lens adapter invented in the 50s for projectors that can expand the traditional screen to a wider length while using the existing equipment. we know that alex loves film imagery and this ties into the themes he often plays at while using said imagery of performance vs. reality.

- the use of cinemascope also implies to me the idea of making something (or someone) better for a bigger audience - this could tie in with alex’s personas and hiding the true self or referencing the band’s commercial successes. it also implies that there’s something beyond the traditional screen, the picture (or story) stretches out further than is seen with a normal lens. the idea of the lens being removable is also notable, the picture can be seen either way with the original equipment but the lens makes it more impressive. again i think this all ties in with the idea of performance and choosing to present things in a certain light.

- “they” implies that there is an audience or crew watching alex and the subject of the song, the two of them are not shooting this together, it’s being captured by a third party who is presenting things differently than originally intended

As though it's the last time you're gonna ride

- i can’t talk about this line without addressing the sexual undertones of the word “ride” lol. it could refer to the sexual aspect of their relationship, the last ride being the last time they’ll sleep together, or the relationship itself as if this is a couple who has split up and gotten back together multiple times

- with the previous line as well, it implies that the experience of their relationship is being captured (potentially by others) to preserve it, though they don’t see the full picture

- the phrasing “as though” is vague enough to leave it up to interpretation as to whether or not it actually will be the last time, somewhat implying to me that calling it a “last time” is something they’ve done before

- this could also refer to the public and private speculation that the band is finished or the somewhat unfounded worries that their commercial success is slipping away

Showstoppers anonymous

- this is a play on alcoholics anonymous/narcotics anonymous and implies that being a showstopper is somewhat of an addiction. it also invokes the idea that this isn’t a solitary experience by referencing the idea like a group meeting, alex’s lover also has a complex relationship with fame.

- the phrase could also poke at the idea of alex’s personas being disconnected from his true self, the showstopper would actually prefer to be (or has to be) anonymous in some sense.

- like in AA meetings, this could also refer to hiding their affiliation from the world or hiding their true identities within these meet-ups

Come over here and give your buddy a hug

- the word “buddy” implies a platonic relationship (i would say it also implies a friendship with another man but that’s very subjective.) with the later references to this person as a lover, we can infer that their relationship is not just platonic which poses the question of why alex would choose to refer to a lover this way. it could be to emphasise the friendship at the core of the relationship as being the more important or prominent aspect. it could also suggest that alex finds the romantic/sexual elements of the relationship uncomfortable to some extent.

- interestingly, this line is also a direct parallel to “come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute” from mr schwartz, suggesting a connection between the two. while this line can certainly be read as platonic, the line from mr schwartz is explicitly romantic.

- also the first two lines of verse one rhyme, making the listener expect these lines to rhyme as well. in alex’s pronunciation, anonymous would be a near rhyme with kiss and it is slightly surprising to hear hug instead.

So much for decidin' not to let it slide

- it sounds as though either alex or his lover feels that the other did something to wrong them which they refuse to forgive this time, but they end up ‘giving in’ eventually.

- in the context of the showstoppers anonymous line, it could imply that their relationship feels like enabling an addiction, that it is something they come back to time and time again despite saying they won’t. and also that their relationship is directly tied to the fame that they share.

- also interesting to ask: is he addressing himself or his lover? is he the one letting it slide or his lover? the previous line seems to imply that alex is asking the other person to come to him, which could imply that his lover is giving in for agreeing or that he’s giving in by reaching out (or both.)

Is there somethin' on your mind

Or are you just happy to sit there and watch While the paint job dries?

- alex’s lover is troubled over the state of their situation but it’s less painful to just ignore the topic.

- the paint imagery is very interesting as alex has a habit of using paint as a sexual metaphor for a certain bodily fluid - with ‘body paint’ and also in anyways (‘you go hard in the paint’)

- watching paint dry generally refers to something being boring or tedious which could imply that alex’s lover would rather do something painfully dull than discuss the issues in their relationship. but paint can also be used to cover things up which could refer to the idea of hiding the issues within the relationship or with hiding the relationship itself (asking: are you really happy to just let me hide things or will you take a stand?)

- if we think about the implication that this relationship has been off- and on-again, it could refer to ‘fixing up’ the relationship with a new coat of paint - doing surface level things to try to repair the damage - and alex could be asking if they’re willing to wait for things to look better again or if they want to call it quits now

When it's over, you're supposed to know

- this line could also be taken in many ways. it could be in the sense of alex feeling almost pitiful for his lover (or himself), who won’t admit that their relationship is actually over. but it could also refer to it being hard to tell whether the relationship is actually over or not - particularly if the line between having a platonic/romantic relationship has always been blurry with them (like we see with the use of “buddy” etc.)

- the phrasing ‘supposed to know’ implies that they don’t actually know about the state of things, though they’re both aware that they should, also reminds me of the line “the fact that neither you and i has ever had a clue” from mr schwartz

Lights out in the Wonder Park

- i couldn’t find anything to suggest that the ‘wonder park’ refers to any real place so i would wager that it’s alex’s take on a fictional amusement park as a metaphor for the ups and downs of his relationship with the other person.

- the idea of the lights going out in contrast to the “wonder park” implies that the joy and amazement of the relationship has been turned off. it could refer to the relationship being off- and on-again with the implication that the lights will likely turn back on at some point. (which could be connected to “the gloved hand’s reaching in to hit the switch” from mr schwartz)

- to me, “the wonder park” also implies having an audience or crowd around. so lights out here could also refer to stopping a performance, etc.

Your saw-toothed lover boy was quick off the mark

- its interesting to pose if he’s talking about himself or his lover here. i know a lot of people interpret saw-toothed to mean crooked teeth like a certain musical partner in alex’s life but i think the phrase could also represent a ‘sharp tongue/mouth’ with the idea of him (or his lover) normally being witty or cutting but being caught off guard by the situation (similar to the ‘angle grinder smile’ from sculptures of anything goes)

- “quick off the mark” means to be slow to react to a situation which could also tie in with the idea of “watching paint dry” instead of talking about the relationship: they’re reluctant to actually change the back and forth element of their relationship.

- the use of the phrase “lover boy” also solidifies that this is a relationship that is at least somewhat romantic/sexual in nature (vs the earlier use of buddy), it’s telling that this more intimate phrase isn’t used until later in the song

That's long enough in the sunshine for one night

- this line could reference the idiom of something to “seeing the light of day” i.e. to be revealed to the public/to be open, their relationship won’t see the light of day with the sunshine instead being found in the nights

- sunshine could also represent a warmth or happy period in their relationship. with the previous lines, it could imply that they got together/met up again briefly but it didn’t last.

- the phrase “that’s long enough” implies that alex is the one to feel as though things have gone on too long, even though he feels the warmth of it too (he likes the sunshine (or relationship) but he doesn’t think it belongs in the context of the night)

Didn't recognise you through the smoke

- this is a play on the idea of “smoke and mirrors” which ties in with alex’s use of personas and the idea of obscuring the truth.

- implies that alex (or the other person) is used to being able to see through the fantasy but it’s been dialled up since their falling out and they are now obscured.

- could also refer to one of them being deceptive about their feelings, particularly for the other

- also could imply the other person is smoking a lot, etc. which could tie in with the idea of fame/their relationship being an addiction: people sometimes replace heavier drugs with excessive nicotine as a step in their recovery. it could also just imply that the other person is a bit of a mess if they’ve started smoking more.

Pyjama pants and a Subbuteo cloak

- subbuteo is a table-top game where you flick around little football players on a field that is placed similarly to a tablecloth. there was an interview where alex spoke about how he would wear the table-top subbuteo pitch as a cape as a kid. it’s unclear whether alex or the other person is meant to be the one wearing the unusual combination.

- wearing pyjama pants implies a sense of intimacy and vulnerability between the two to see each other in that state, especially as one would not generally wear them in public.

- the combination of the pyjama pants with the subbuteo cloak invokes a sense of nostalgia and innocence, particularly in relation to alex’s memories, as well as implies that the person is kind of dysfunctional to be wearing a sleeping garment in combination with a non-clothing item.

- the use of the subbuteo field as clothing is also interesting as it is a traditionally masculine symbol being used to cover-up or guard oneself - which ties in with the next line.

- the subbuteo field is also an interesting choice as the game centres around people controlling a full team of players in order to win. with one person wearing the field, it could imply that they are being strategic about controlling others or that they themselves are being controlled.

You know that it's alright if you wanna cry

- this is another line that could easily apply to either alex or his lover but i think it ties in well with the first line from there’d better be a mirrorball “don’t get emotional, that’s not like you” which alex has said is directed at himself.

- alex is telling himself or his lover that it’s okay to express their emotions and be upset about the situation, implying that they usually are not as forthcoming or overtly emotional or that they may be hiding their true feelings in the presence of the other to appear less invested or devastated

to summarise: alex and his lover had a falling out over their off- and on-again relationship going in circles and potentially being hidden. neither of them took the split well and they are trying to figure out where they stand with each other and what their connection will mean for them now.

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

So I replayed Mother 3 very recently. Had a good time with it. Beyond everything else, I think that Mother 3 is actually a pretty good game, and one of Nintendo's better games in its line-up. Despite a lot of what I am going to say about it down below, coming from a perspective that has learned a lot since I originally played the game, this remains a very distinctive title for Nintendo. It is both intensely political and has some of the most prominent queer characters in their library, and in many ways, it is the type of game I want Nintendo to be making. It is a game that is actually saying something.

But, I think that I've found myself more critical of what exactly it's saying now than I have in the past.

The Politics of Mother 3

This is an interesting point to start off with, because Mother 3 is pretty transparently a very anti-capitalist work. It directly associates the introduction of money and capitalism to Tazmily Village by Porky and the Pigmask Army with the illness in society that takes root afterwards. This does immediately though beg the question of what exactly is the solution to the issue? If not a capitalist society, what is the best way for society to be ordered?

In strict accordance with its canon, the answer is an unknown. The climax of the game involves pulling the seventh and final needle, and causing the rebirth of the world. However, we the player are not given any indication as to what this rebirth of the world actually entails, merely being told during the fake-out end screen that everything is going to be okay. Lucas, the boy with the good and pure heart, pulled the final needle, so everything is going to be okay. Of course, we are only told this. Lucas, as a silent protagonist, is given no real motivations of his own, merely acting as a vessel for the other characters with moral statements: Alec, Wess, Kumatora, and the Ma[*******]. Lucas can really be argued to not be much different than Claus is. Lucas is given no real motivation to pull out the needles, and as a result, the end result of the world is similarly empty. You, the Player, Lucas's Porky Minch, are asked to imagine what a world that might look like.

Except. That's not really the whole story, is it?

After you beat the game, you get the title you see at the beginning of the post, replacing this one in the end card. On some level, this is obviously intended to be a callback to the titles of both Mother 1 and Mother 2, in particular with the image of the Earth acting as the O. But one must contrast it with the original title and there's an obvious message. By the end of the game, your rebirth has healed the world, removing its metallic pieces and allowing the natural world to flourish again.

Mother 3 is anti-capitalist, but it is also pastoralist, and I would even argue flirts with primitivism quite often. The replacement of the metal in the logo with wood here is not accidental, and it resonates with the themes and ideas that the game has been telling you for quite some time. While the fate of the world is ambiguous in the narrative, thematically speaking, Mother 3 has an idea of what the world should look like.

Life in Tazmily Village is quite simply by the time that Fassad and the Pigmask Army show up. There's very little in the ways of modern technology, and there's also no sense of money or a market. The items that you find in Thomas's Bazaar are all free of charge, and can be taken freely. This is deliberate, as is revealed very late into the story, as the village is full of survivors of an apocalyptic scenario and blamed their current lifestyles for causing it. They choose then to take on the role of a small, quiet village, the kind of lives they all wanted. While it is not clear whether that society was capitalist to the same extent as what would come afterwards, the message is pretty clear. The pastoral lifestyle that Tazmily exists in is considered the ideal, it is what several characters, including Lucas, fight for.

This, by itself, puts a bit of a conservative spin on the work as a whole. Mother 3 is not anti-capitalist in the same way that a communist or a socialist would be. It is not concerned with the plight of the workers, or even generally for society's well-being. You perform no meaningful anti-capitalist action in the entire game. You cannot improve the lives of the elderly that were placed in Old Man's Paradise, a decrepit and falling down nursing home. You cannot stand up for the exploitation of the workers of Tazmily Village. You engage with the capitalist system of shops and labor with no real alarm.

But where this gets really interesting is in the social messaging. A conversation that initially struck me as quite odd replaying this game was the conversation in Chapter 4 involving Mike in the nursing home.

Mike: I can't keep burdening Lisa forever, but I do have a Happy Box and nice-bodied girls like Nan and Linda here to keep me company, so I'm pretty happy in my own way. Linda: I'm sorry, Mike, but that's called sexual harassment these days. Mike: This is a hard world we live in now. How disappointing.

This scene is obviously meant as a joke at Mike's expense here. You're not really supposed to take his side here, but let's break this down a bit more here given the context of the entire game.

Mother 3 gives literally nothing to the Pigmask Army what so ever. The game never, ever, tries to play anything they do as a positive. The encroaching of capitalism and suburbanization is not presented as a net zero, it is presented as entirely negative. Nothing good came out of it, the world is worse off for it. Wildlife is mutilated for sport, people become engrossed in their pursuit of happiness (another point we'll get into shortly), and the people of Tazmily drift away from each other, becoming more rude and more curt to each other, especially towards those deemed "undesirable".

But the scene reads strangely in this context. The constant here is Mike's inappropriate comments about women's bodies, not their nonacceptance. It is explicitly marked as a change to the world that the concept of sexual harassment even exists, and there's no other source for it than the Pigmasks. The Pigmasks introduced feminism to Tazmily, and in the overarching narrative of the story, that's a bad thing. The game makes no concessions towards any good result happening, so every impact must be bad. While in a vacuum, the butt of the joke is Mike, the narrative actually vindicates him.

To give another example of the game's conservative bent, let's look at family structures that are present in the game. One might expect that family structures would be much more loose in the pastoral Tazmily Village than in the suburbanized Tazmily Village. After all, the nuclear family as it exists today is entirely an invention of capitalism, and specifically, came about because of cultural shifts after WWII in response to the growing Cold War.

But if you paid attention, the family dynamics don't actually shift at all. Families in Tazmily remain nuclear the entire time. This makes sense given the canonical explanation, that Tazmily was a rush job and these people were probably coming from a culture that had nuclear family dynamics, but it grates roughly with the idea that Tazmily Village is an ideal. What goes unstated is that the nuclear family is inherently a part of that. Sure, the gender roles become more clear past Chapter 4, where men go off to work and the women stay home, but in truth, it really wasn't that much different in the past.

Then there is the Happy Boxes. In the narrative of the story, the Happy Boxes are dubiously brainwashing devices. They emit odd lights and noises, and at least a couple of characters are enraptured with them to the exclusion of all else. They are the devices planted in Tazmily to begin its metamorphosis into a suburban town. But, there is actual brainwashing later on in the game, so I'm hesitant to merely take them at that. Rather, what do the Happy Boxes represent thematically? I believe the answer to that is propaganda.

Visually, the Happy Boxes resemble CRT screens, either TVs or computer monitors, and this is pretty consistent with their placement in homes as well, often being central to living areas. The introduction of television revolutionized the ability to disseminate propaganda to people, as now the same message could be sent to millions of people worldwide with basically no downside. in addition, there's no direct changes as a result of the Happy Boxes existing. People are more rude, more dismissive, and a bit meaner than they were previously, but they maintain their dominant personalities. Some people, such as Abbot and Abbey, are remarkably similar. The message in the Happy Boxes is a more subtextual one. The Happy Boxes are supposed to bring happiness to you, so the act of getting one is the desire for happiness.

This, to Mother 3, is a key poison. It is Fassad who sells the Happy Boxes to the people of Tazmily on the idea that we want to be happy, and there's nothing wrong with wanting happiness. This of course being Fassad, we are inclined to as the viewers see their words as deceptive in nature. Since the core part of Mother 3's politics is pastoralism and anti-capitalism, it makes pursuing happiness a moral ill. This is probably why there's no real sympathy given to any of the workers in the story. They were the ones who chose to pursue happiness, chose to get a Happy Box, and chose to listen to Fassad's words. They should have remained resolute in not getting a Happy Box. Working in the system is being part of it. It's being complicit.

(In a way that is, of course, separate from the ways in which the main party are also working in and complicit in the system.)

This isn't to say to end this that Mother 3's politics are wholly bad. It provides, for example, the important connotation that suburbanization comes at a cost. The happy, suburban lifestyle comes at the mistreatment of the elderly, the outsiders, and of queer people.

Oh yeah we haven't talked about that hu-

QUEERNESS AND MOTHER 3

So we're going to have to talk about the Magypsies. For the remainder of this post I am not going to call them that, because their name just straight out includes a slur used against the Roma, and given that they play into the mysticism tropes of them in media. This post isn't about that, but it is worth bringing up here and it's why I censored their name earlier.

(As an aside, there's an entire post to be made talking about specifically Fassad, and the ways in which he is coded quite bizarrely as Islamic, from Fassad's dress and name, to his focus on bananas, and his proper introductory chapter taking place in a desert and being in charge of a pair of monkeys. In addition, the fact that Fassad is associated with the introduction of money and being a propaganda mouthpiece is...concerning. This isn't strictly the point of this section but it would feel remiss to not include this in some place, and this felt like the best.)

What specifically the Ma[*******] are in the narrative is never defined. They are left somewhat gender ambiguous, although undeniably queer.

This, to me however, is limiting to an understanding of them, and honestly I think we should just say it here.

They're meant to be a facsimile of trans women.

Now, whether or not specifically they are trans women or are meant to merely be in drag is up in the air, and I don't think either option is actually good. Any claims of gender ambiguity go out the window given that they are all effeminate looking men, refer to each other as women, and face either general ambivalence or outright derision by other characters in the story. "Is it a he or a she?" is not really meant kindly. They are also in a whirlpool of homoerotic innuendo, and when discussing them being facsimiles, whether or not they are actually trans women or men in drag is pointless. Those are the same things when presented this way.

Mother 3 also doesn't really know what to do with them or how it even really feels about them. They are both intended to be comedic and also magical protectors of the land. They are part of the protagonist faction but are entirely passive, figures that merely guide and help awaken powers in the actual protagonists before being pre-determinately fridged as the story progresses. There is one exception.

Locria, or really, Fassad, the con-artist formerly known as Locria. The game reveals very, very late into the story through a floor in the Porky Tower and in Miracle Fassad's use of PK Starstorm that Fassad is very likely Locria, a traitor to her other friends and assistant of the Porky Empire. At no point ever is Fassad's gender or sex ever in question. He is referred to entirely with male pronouns, is discussed as a guy, and even once his identity is revealed as Locria, the mouse that he lived with still refers to him with male pronouns. This to me is kind of critical to my distinction of them as facsimiles of trans women, because there would be no reason to make Fassad explicitly always male. Fassad betrayed the others, and assimilated into what the capitalist army needed of him.

Or, well, that's a nice way of thinking about it. The Ma[*******] existed on the Nowhere Islands for much longer than the people of Tazmily Village. In Mother 3, there is basically no other meaningful signifier of queerness to be seen in the entire game. There are no gay men, there are no gay women, and there is no other gender ambiguity. Even Kumatora, who was raised by Ionia, is basically a tomboy in her appearance.

The people of Tazmily Village are seemingly completely unaware of their presence until later in the game, as it seems to be that they are completely unaware of queerness. The message the game tells here is that queerness essentially exists outside both the pastoral idealism and the capitalist dystopia that exist as the two main points of reference. They willingly self-sacrifice to see the world change, but while they are invested in the world not being destroyed, the time will come no matter what. They aren't shown to be reborn in the new world either, as none of the textboxes can be attributed to them.

Is it positive? Is it negative!? Who knows! I don't think I have come to particularly like their depiction in this game as a trans woman, they aren't really uniquely hated or loved by the game's narrative. If anything, the game just seems to regard them as existing, and pretty okay people, if not very weird in their queerness.

Conclusions I guess, I don't know, I wasn't intended for this post to essentially become an ess-

While I have a lot to say about how Mother 3 gives its messaging and what messaging that is, it is still a good game from the fundamentals. The characters are well written, the game has a good sense of tension and delivery, etc. I think the game makes missteps, and I do want to be clear here, I think this is a game with good intentions but limited by writers who are probably somewhat conservative and couldn't imagine what a better world would be. But it still takes a pretty massive risk by talking about what it does. In a gaming climate where Nintendo games often try to talk about as little as possible, in order to be consumable vessels for entertainment, I think Mother 3 stands out in a good way. This post isn't even going into the ideas of grief, loss, and motherhood that are central to the story as well. I just wanted to talk politics lmao.

[lu-is-not-ok]

thoughts on the fourth match flame egos?

Oh baby, a triple. And a LobCorp abno as well! Let's see if I can make this one the longest out of all of them.

Also I got like three asks about this E.G.O so I probably should get to it huh.

Yeets you under the cut.

Alright, let's start by talking about Scorched Girl. This is an Abnormality all the way back from Lobotomy Corporation, and one which reappeared in Library of Ruina. As such, there's some material we gotta sift through. And by we I mean me. I'm the one doing the work here.

As is fitting for an Abnormality based on the fairytale of The Little Match Girl, the main themes of this abno are innocence, abandonment, hope for a better life, and the eventual snuffing out of that hope by life's cruelty.

However, this is where LobCorp twists the tale into something else, as while all of those themes apply to Scorched Girl, there is a major addition that recontextulizes all of the above. The bitter despair that follows when one is crushed, and the want to burn everyone's else's hopes and happiness in a fit of directionless revenge against the world.

While probably not as direct when applied to the Sinners, this theme of lashing out in the face of losing hope seems important enough to keep in mind.

Now, while I don't usually look too deeply into the visual designs of the E.G.Os, as the differences are oftentimes subtle... I feel like I need to do it here, because Fourth Match Flame has this little quirk of being Project Moon's special little Advertisement E.G.O where they gave each Sinner using it a unique design.

Also, not joking when I call this the advertisement E.G.O, almost all (if not actually all) pre-release material that showed previews of E.G.Os was of the Fourth Match Flame E.G.Os.

Let's go in the order that the E.G.Os were unlocked on the Battle Pass, shall we?

When Rodya uses Fourth Match Flame, her outfit turns into what I can best describe as a ballroom dress wreathed in flames, complete with matching tall gloves made of ash. It gives off this idea of opulence, of fancy balls that only the rich are invited to. Applying Scorched Girl's theme of a hope for a better life here, this could signify that this is the kind of life Rodya deeply wishes for. One where money isn't an issue, where she and her neighbours can live comfortably without worrying when their next meal will be.

Yi Sang's Fourth Match Flame puts him in a labcoat, specifically the kind of getup you'd see Ayin in, and if you're past Canto IV, Sang Yi as well. Funny Yi Sang Ayin comparison memes aside, I think Canto IV really helps apply this to the theme of hope for a better life. Because that is the kind of life Yi Sang wishes for. One where he can simply research for no other purpose than the joy it brings him. The fact that his outfit here specifically mimics Sang Yi's, aka the version of himself that Yi Sang views as perfect, further adds to that idea.

Finally, we have Ryoshu, the one we know the least about out of the three, and the one I can tell the least about from her Fourth Match Flame outfit. The best way I can describe it is... that it feels soft. Warm. There's a sort of simplicity to it that gives me nostalgic and innocent vibes, but I can't exactly put it to words why. While we don't have Ryoshu's backstory yet, and thus can't pinpoint what life she's hoping for the way we could for Rodya and Yi Sang, I think those vibes alone paint a certain picture. I think Ryoshu wishes to go back to a time that she associates with warmth and softness.

If we assume that Ryoshu, just like Yoshihide in Hell Screen, had a daughter who had tragically passed... Perhaps that's what her Fourth Match Flame alludes to her wanting to go back to.

Another interesting thing to note about the appearance of the E.G.Os is a notable contrast between the background for Rodya's Fourth Match Flame, compared to that of Yi Sang and Ryoshu. For the latter, the village in the background is already burnt down. It's already smoldering and covered in ash. For Rodya however, it's in the middle of bursting into flames.

Considering how for Scorched Girl the flame on her match signifies her hope, with it running out meaning she no longer has any, I think this detail is important. For Yi Sang and Ryoshu, the source of their hope is already gone. We know Yi Sang's League is already gone, and we can assume that is also the case for Ryoshu's daughter. Rodya, however? She still has hope to fight for. Though many of her neighbors have died, there are likely those who still survived. Those who still need her help. Those who she can share that better life she wishes for with.

Now, let's look at the Sins, genuinely my favorite part of the analysis I think.

All of the Fourth Match Flame E.G.Os are Wrath damage, Wrath being the Sin associated with actions done out of self-rightousness and defiance. It's the sin of deciding things need to change simply because you want them to. This, of course, applies to Scorched Girl on many levels.

The two most important ways Scorched Girl ties back to the concept of Limbus's idea of Wrath are both in its potrayal of hope. The idea of acting on your hope for a better life, to refuse what you currently have because you wish for something better, and the following lashing out at everyone else when that hope is snuffed out, as you believe that nobody deserves happiness if you can't have it.

As for the Sin requirements... Hoo boy there's a lot. All three of the Fourth Match Flame users require Wrath, with Ryoshu and Rodya both requiring Pride, and the latter also needing a bit of Envy. Yi Sang, on the other hand, requires Sloth and Gluttony instead.

Strap in lads, I got a lot to analyze.

Wrath is, of course, the most important ingredient to all of this. To be able to use Fourth Match Flame in the first place, one needs the self-rightousness and/or defiance to say that their hopes Do Matter, or that everyone else's Do Not.

Rodya is very clearly applying Wrath in the first way, her actions of lashing out against injustice being perfectly summarized by her murdering the pawnbroker. Defying how the Yurodiviye wanted to change the world, and instead taking the matters into her own hands, trying to make her wishes into reality herself.

Ryoshu is a little bit harder to tell, but I think it might be the latter way. While her current obsession with violence in the from of art could have developed for multiple reasons, it's likely that the despair she felt after losing her daughter was at least one of them. Having lost her own hope, she decided to tear down the delusional hopes of everyone else around her, revealing to them just how cruel and ugly the reality truly is through her art.

Yi Sang's case seems quite interesting to me. I think the fact that his Fourth Match Flame E.G.O requires the most Wrath out of all of them is no coincidence. After All, Yi Sang is the most passive out of these three, and he struggled to properly stand up for himself. However, Canto IV shows us that once Yi Sang's truly had enough, he Has Had Enough. In this way, I think this E.G.O represents Yi Sang's boiling point. The moment his quiet seething at his horrible situation finally drowns out his hopelessness and lets him lash out, if only for a brief moment.

Let's move on to Rodya and Ryoshu's Pride requirement. Pride as a Sin represents actions done purely for their benefits, with their negative consequences being ignored. This I think describes how both Rodya and Ryoshu lash out perfectly.

Rodya's act of murdering the pawnbroker and aligning reality with her hopes is done purely because of the perceived immediate benefit of it. To take the pawnbroker's money, to free her neighbourhood of the pawnbroker's reign. However, in doing so Rodya overlooks the consequences of killing off a member of the Middle's family, leading to even more harm being brought to those she wished to help.

Ryoshu's Pride presents slightly differently, but still is just as obvious. Her art has the main purpose of tearing down the delusional hopes of others and exposing the gruesomeness of reality, something that Ryoshu seems to actively strive for. However, in the process of doing so, Ryoshu neglects to care for the harm she inflicts on the way. She doesn't care how many people she has to hurt or kill in the process, the purpose of her art always outweighs the losses to her.

I think the inclusion of Envy as Rodya's Sin requirement for Fourth Match Flame further helps contextualize her actions. Envy represents actions done in reaction to other people and their actions. Rodya's attempt at aligning reality with her wish for a better life isn't motivated purely by herself, but it's also a reaction to the people around her. It's a reaction to the pawnbroker's selfish greed. It's a reaction to Sonya and the Yurodiviye's apathetic inaction. And of course, it's a reaction to the suffering her neighbours have been going through.

Now, time to look at our special boy Yi Sang, who decided to have two Sin requirements that don't match the rest of the Fourth Match Flame users. For a good reason too, as he stands out as the odd one out in this line up.

Yi Sang's Sloth requirement is easy to understand, with just how much it applies to him. Sloth represents inaction and actions done out of apathy. Sloth is also unique in how it interacts with Wrath, as the inclusion of one will recontextualize the other. In this case, it paints Yi Sang's defiance as somewhat hollow. It gives off the feeling that, despite lashing out, Yi Sang still believes that it won't matter in the end. His actions of tearing things down are still dripping with hopelessness.

Then, there's the Gluttony requirement. The thing with Gluttony is that Limbus provides two equally as important interpretations of it - actions fueled by the neverending wish for More, or actions fueled by the need for Survival. Both of those can be considered to be actions fueled by a form of Hunger.

In the case of Yi Sang, I believe the Hunger driving him is that of Survival. In reality, Yi Sang's act of hopeless defiance is a call for help. His Fourth Match Flame E.G.O represents his will to live trying to lash out at the world around him, trying to scream No, I Want Better Than This! in the face of his hopeless situation.

Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Yi Sang needs the most Wrath out of everyone to use Fourth Match Flame, I also don't think it's a coincidence that the amount of required Sloth equals the amount of required Gluttony. It represents his constant internal struggle between his hopeless apathy and hopeful will to live.

A battle that Canto IV finally gives us the winner of.

[hellohimawarihana]

My Thoughts of Fairy Ranmaru Henshin

Add Binan Koukou as inspiration, take a more serious approach on fights and adding female characters, and you had Fairy Ranmaru. Unlike Binan Koukou, the fairy form (a.k.a. the one with battle clothes) is their true form and they had a human form to blend with society, which I should say... appeared way different from their true forms.

First off I want to spot the fact that like Binan Koukou, this series leans heavily on fanservice, and they gone overboard with it. It is one of the series with hair changing first before the outfit, though the body can count as well as it become more... detailed with sunllight ray to censor… that one part. And some of their battle form are pretty fanservicey too, so beware. (no offense for that, but you know...)

So how they trigger the transformation? By kissing the (usually) female client whose in trouble in their lives. It can be either by lip or palm. For your information, Binan Koukou Happy Kiss also does the palm kiss, while the previous quintet has bracelet kiss. If I were them, I would prefer palm kiss the client. And unlike Binan Koukou whose group henshin done through one by one individually, Fairy Ranmaru does this in split screen shown in the above picture in the final episode.

With that out of the way, are you ready? We will take your heart!

Fairy of Illumination, Ranmaru

This fairy from the strongest clan out of the five is the first fairy to had the transformation, and add the basic for step-by-step transformation by hand and leg one by one by feather scan, then the remainder of the outfit. I appreciate the tail on his costume, and a dissappearing glasses at the beginning.

Fairy of Flames, Homura

Same as Ranmaru, but kind of stand still than him, and even has a big ribbon. I like the loosening human hair and the ‘ping’ leaves a flames on it. Also the spinning flame spear part is cool too.

Fairy of Luster, Uruu

The scan leaves a bit of water for the ‘ping’, but I got a bit of mixed feelings of how closing ‘that’ part with the corset. I would say if the longer hair human is his true form, it would be the inverse of power makes you hair grow trope, but since it’s actually the other way around, it’s alright.

Fairy of Verdure, Jyuka

Compared to the other fairies, Jyuka has more energy on his transformation and less toned in terms of fanservice. And I like how his single earphone was created.

Fairy of Gold, Takara

This is the type of fairy form with most fanservice, and I think it would be better if he wears something to cooperate with the cape jacket. And pretty stiff of top part too. But his henshin pose was cool to cover that part. That’s one of the my favorites for his transformation, alongside his untied ponytail at the beginning.

Fairy of Darkness, Chilka

Since light usually a contrast to the darkness, Chilka’s transformation was made a parallel to Ranmaru’s henshin by having the movement mirrored to his. Also, his transformation music is composed by guitars instead of trumpet to implement his status further.

Fairy of Loam, Hojo

Well, compared to other fairies, the servant of Queen’s transformation is shorter with full body scan and less heavy in terms of fanservice. His face is kinda hilarious though and his outfit gave me rainbow vibes.

Gaining Wings

After transforming, they dashes forward in bubbles and feather with a song in background. Then jump and add the wings for each fairy. Though it made sense, otherwise it will be out of theme. In terms of song, if it’s individual then each would get a solo song, and in finale where the main five fairies transform together, the opening theme sung by them is played instead.

Overall, more standard transformation sequence for magical boy anime compared to the likes Binan Koukou or Sailor Moon. Just be aware of fanservice they had in the sequence. Thanks for reading and see you in my next post!

[bluelockednyx]

i read your metapost #3 (its super fun btw) and came across this line: the author has a secret favorite (aka Rin), so im curious that are there other moments you noticed in the story that either subtly or clearly support this? And does the author also have other secret favorites?

*shoves you Nagi and Reo's entire relationship and Episode Nagi* if how much screen time these two get, to the point where we have a whole spinoff that's just to show off their relationship, doesn't convince you that they are Kaneshiro-sensei's favourite ship, I don't know what else will. It's not secret. It's not subtle. He's said that Nagi's his favourite in extra materials. Fans actively complain about how much the main series is dedicated to telling their story at the expense of the main plotline of Isagi's rise to be the best striker in the world (Manshine City arc fatigue, anyone). I personally find their individual character arcs, as well as their relationship, an interesting exploration of the story's themes, though the execution... leaves some stuff to be desired.

I say that Rin is likely Kaneshiro-sensei’s secret fave for a couple of reasons, which I'll stick under the cut.

The most glaring one, imo, is the constant variety of nicknames he has compared to the other characters. Like. Why. Why are you giving us so. Many. Nicknames. of this character unless you personally think that it’s fun and cute?? That you think this character is cute?? And that you want your readers to see him that way after he's stopped being an obstacle for Isagi in the 2nd Selection Arc??? And the emphasis on his bottom lashes... like...... character design to make your cast stand out from each other is natural of course, and you do want to make your characters stand out too, from the saturated animanga industry, but bottom lashes is????? I have a load of questions about why, bottom lashes specifically, for your stereotypical shonen 2nd mc, of a sports manga no less (ignoring the fangirl/fujoshi brigade to net them sweet cash), but in light of the next point...

Although Rin is the deuteragonist and thus far most important rival of the series to Isagi, the way he’s been framed and set up since his introduction, plus their relationship build up, comes much, much closer to being read as Isagi’s romantic interest than anyone else in the whole series. I talk about this in the final part of the meta. Skip right to the narrative motifs section if you don't want to read the whole thing. It's a pretty brief, but imo nice contrast of Isagi's relationships with the other major cast and his relationship with Rin. Also, chapter 110. Kindly read the Rin at the leg extension machine scene and keep in mind that in the guide book, Isagi's fetish is thighs. Look at the panels and how he's drawn. Yeah. You can argue that it's also for fan service, but the way it's done is more... subtly erotic, compared to say, the time Isagi-Nagi-Barou met Kunigami-Chigiri-Reo in the baths, which was a straight up fan service chapter wrapped under the guise of moving the plot along. The other more suspicious scene is when Isagi thinks that when he defeats Rin, that's when he's ready to be playing at world level. And. Of all the things that Rin could have been doing while Isagi's having this monologue. Kaneshiro-sensei shows him lacing up his shoes. With the lace. In his mouth. Again. Why??? It's weird. Who the heck laces their shoes while nomming a lace in their mouth. W H O.

Rin also has one of the more impactful and better developed/positioned character backstories in relation to the story's main themes, even if you don't take into account the extra materials like the light novels and character guide book. His backstory is fuller and richer than the rest, with a more complete timeline from his youth till now, and given the tie-in and connection to Sae, who appeared so very early on in the series, there's definitely more that Kaneshiro-sensei has planned for us to see where Rin's concerned, especially since he is so drastically important to Isagi's growth, and thus far, seems to be the symbol of victory in Isagi's mind.

Also, he's been consistently winning the character popularity polls too, there's no way he's going to be dropped out of the story when he's a money maker and a fan favourite

TLDR; why make him seem cute when you didn't need to by giving him a ton of nicknames emphasizing his bottom lashes, why frame him like a romantic interest with those motifs of eye and heart and parabole when he's supposed to be the rival/boss of arc/villain, why have him and Isagi choose each other, their character arcs practically tied into showing that choosing each other is right for them, why subtly sexualise him so often (why sexualise him at all in the main story when your core audience should be dudebros), why make him so important to Isagi's development that he's turned into some insane combination of rival, love interest and mid-to-final boss for the series (not that I'm complaining).

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Star Trek: The Motion Picture (Wise, 1979)

As a new big budget science fiction special effects extravaganza featuring pointy-eared aliens has just hit theatres and people are going in droves to see it, I decided to follow suit. That's right, the TIFF Bell Lightbox was playing a 4K restoration of the Director's Cut of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Now, I'm not the biggest Star Trek fan, in that I've only sporadically seen episodes of different series over the years, and hadn't seen any of the TOS movies since high school. My opinion coincided with the general consensus that the even-numbered movies were better than the odd-numbered ones, and that the first one, while not all that bad, was maybe a little boring. Of course, I saw those all in pan-and-scan versions on network TV, and I think this movie plays quite a bit better theatrically.

Like I noted in my review of Avatar, I appreciate when a movie actually tries to sell you on its special effects and uses them in the service of grandiose visuals. This provides frequent admiring views of interstellar vistas, of the retro space age design of the Enterprise, and the eerie, psychedelic lightshow effects evoking space travel and the mysterious V'Ger. The latter especially is a triumph in design, coldly atmospheric and possessing a certain logic in design but one which eludes our meager human brains, not unlike its origin and its motivations as they're eventually revealed. I understand the Director's Cut was released in 2001 with CGI effects added to supplement the previously unfinished footage incorporated into the movie. Under the scrutiny of the restored, higher definition transfer, they hold up less flatteringly than the original effects work, but not so much as to be distracting. Jerry Goldsmith's score also goes a long way in giving grandeur to the images, from the rousing fanfare of the main theme, which had me wanting to pump my fist, to the Klingon battle music, which has more than a few hints of Sergei Prokofiev's score for Alexander Nevsky. If you're going to steal, steal from the best.

The movie feels very much like a reaction to Star Wars, in that it obviously was easier to make after the other movie made big budget effects-heavy science fiction movies a more commercially viable proposition, but also that it provides an alternative to the action-adventure mode of Star Wars and many science fiction blockbusters since. The dramatic thrust of the movie is provided by the characters trying to understand what V'Ger is and wants and how best to react. The use of force is just one option that's on the table, and one which they seek to avoid. I don't have any particular interest in the heart of the franchise or what have you (like I said, my experience is fairly limited), but the intellectual tack this takes is in sharp contrast to the more action-heavy thrills offered by the recent reboots. Like I alluded to above, this movie's approach allows for plenty of spectacle, and while I'd like to think there's room for both sensibilities, it is unfortunate that this one feels increasingly unviable.

Of course, I do think the movie suffers in how it handles this dynamic. The discussions themselves of how to tackle the situation I found engaging enough, and even the scenes of William Shatner hamming it up and giving hokey speeches where he spells out the movie's ideas I found moving in their earnestness. But much of the appeal of movie adaptations of beloved series is seeing them get the gang back together again, and while there's some delight in the return of Spock and gruff hippie new age hairy-chested McCoy, the movie sidelines the majority of the original cast members. Instead, we get scene after scene where Kirk arguing with a new character played by Stephen Collins, who does not give a bad performance technically, but plays a punk ass bitch who I wanted off the screen for reasons obvious within the movie and outside as well. I do not know the exact changes made between the Theatrical Cut and the Director's Cut, but one hopes for a new version where Collins is ejected through the airlock early in the movie and his arguments are given to Scotty, Uhura, Tsulu and Chekov, who have basically fuck all to do. There's also a new character played by Persis Khambatta who gets possessed by V'Ger to act as a probe (not that kind, this is a family friendly film), a turn of events that might have resonated more had it been one of the original characters. (I was gonna comment that her bald wig held up seamlessly under the restoration, but it turns out she shaved her head for real.) But I suppose as the first movie in the run, it was less inclined to take risks in this respect.

Anyway, good movie. Lousy CGI effects. Needed less Stephen Collins.

[1358456]

I see the Sinnoh crew + Moon has had some interesting adventures XD. So Sapph has to deal with both White and Ruby's love of makeup now. Though I wonder if the idea of Sapph not wearing makeup would be a common argument topic between Ruby and Sapph or if Ruby would actually let it go?

Finally, would love to see Scarlet with a Milotic. Just because I love that water snake and it feels ironic, since Milotic can calm angry folks XD. I know very little about Scarlet tho - Rider

At one point in the past, I pondered on the idea that the Dex Holders should have some crisis to handle off-screen. It may not be as major as the manga arc events or whatever story I was making at the time, but still, it would be interesting if they had all sorts of tales to tell from their off-screen events. I think it was in SY, where I called it the Bidoof Rebellions, with no context whatsoever.

Shield: "Ooh, a Dynamax Bidoof!" Moon: "Oh no, it's back. Except now, I don't have a raspberry pie, a shovel, and superglue." Sword: "... ???"

Hehe. I'd imagine that there'd be some argument between Ruby and Sapphire about makeup. Ruby wanting her to use them every day like the other girls, while Sapphire argues that she's always doing field research so makeup actively gets in the way. And also...

Sapphire: "Not again..." Ruby: "I got new sets for you to try! This one is Lisia's recommendation. This one is Winona's, and this one is mine!" Sapphire: "... Oh by the way, White tried the makeup things on me before, and I have to say, she's way better at this than you are. In fact, even Moon is better at it than you." Ruby: "!!" Sapphire: "Hoh? Looks like that one did some damage." Ruby: "... Shut up."

For Scarlet's team... It would be amusing if she got a Milotic. Seeing her grumpy-ass glare next to a Milotic would be quite the contrast. But for overhauls and updates, I try to avoid repeats.

What if she gets a Kabutops fossil? Hehe. The old Missingno. from RGBY, but without the duplication effect. I believe one of the first trailers for Pokemon Movie 5 (Latias and Latios) had the Kabutops and Aerodactyl fossils chasing the Latis. And the actual movie had the resurrected Kabutops and Aerodactyl, which are decidedly not as cool. ... I mean, it's a kid's movie, so reanimated Pokemon skeletons is not going to be suitable, but damn. But clearly whoever came up with that movie pitch was interested in the fact that only Kabutops and Aerodactyl have fossil sprites in RGBY, and maybe even the fact that those sprites are on certain Missingno. in the games.

Hehe. Give Scarlet's team the theme: Haunted Past. Spiritomb, Aegislash (... did Aegislash get nerfed? I thought it had 150 Def and Sp. Def...), Cofagrigus/Runerigus, Kabutops fossil.

Moon: Spirit of Vengeance Scarlet: Haunted Past Sword: "Ghosts everywhere!"

[avivas-mess]

For a such little screen time every moment counts with ROCK LOCK!!! We get so much from him!!

I love him so much!!! I think that as viewer we forget that in universe Midorya is just a snot nosed baby! (They are like 16-17 at oldest right? Because it was also Mirio and Tzu etc etc) Of course he’s going to ask the room full of adults why there are little teenagers taking on a villain who (allegedly at the time) is abusing a child. It’s a messed up situation and he’s the only one even trying to look out for the kids. And his baby is so cute his little blank expression while his family is crying and being dramatic (i know for good reason but still look at his little face) cracks me up so much. Look at that lil guy. His lil chubbs.

AND even when he criticized the snot nosed babies, i mean teenagers, he acknowledged that they are capable of standing on their own! He has such stern but mostly loving and supportive dad vibes. He didn’t quit when the hero’s started leaving because you can see that he genuinely cares about people’s wellbeing.

I want to think about how he thematically fits into the world of MHA. When we first hear him he is critical of the way people do things. He’s one of the few we see asking about the wellbeing of children in the arch where Eri is being rescued and introduced. It might be a minor thing, but he’s also later paired up with Aizawa during Shigaraki’s fight. The parallel between Shiggy and Eri is obvious. Both are kids that “needed saving” but only one was rescued. Both were used to serve the needs of a villain, who were suppose to be father figures. Aizawa is admired by Shiggy and Eri, for seemingly the same reason; he does anything to protect kids. Shiggy doesn’t get mad when his plans fail by Aizawa, each time he expresses his admiration, it’s because Aizawa specifically stopped him from hurting his students. Meanwhile his own stand in father figure is constantly abusing him. Shiggy hates the world for abandoning him. Society relies on hero’s to do everything, and thus are complacent with the status quo. On a smaller scale, Rock Lock is the only one that even questions why kids are being brought into a dangerous situation, and than later is paired with Aizawa, who is constantly protecting and caring for children. (No wonder he always looks tired). Also let’s not forget that Manual was there too. His connection to Iida during the stain arch, also relates to lost children, Iida’s whole thing about reaching out to children. It may just be coincidence, but I still love how they are all perfectly fitting somehow with the theme of lost children and end up fighting the consequences of society failing to look out for said children in the form of Shiggy. I think this is one of the reasons we see his family. It’s a contrast and foil to both Eri’s and Shiggy’s father figure, although i think more on a small scale. It at least is an example of a father figure who is actually concerned about the next generation, and unlike AFO and Endeavor, sees the next generation as their own people. He is protective and not possessive. It could be a happy coincidence that he is fighting Shiggy with Aizawa and Manual later, but even so thematically there is a connection.

**All Might Spoilers**If you step back even further, we have All Might, who is literally this impossible ideal hero to live up to. He brought peace but he did it mostly alone, as a lost child himself. He became an orphan at some point in this youth and after gaining OFA lost his other mother figure in his life. But he wanted society to change for the better and fought for that. Hero’s could’ve looked at that as a way to become better and care about people instead they did what Endeavor did. Endeavor’s father was also a hero, but after he died, he counted a cycle of violence against his own family and children. It was only when he started looking towards the future, future hero’s his own son, did he even start to change.

Rock Lock fit’s into this narrative as an example of a good hero because we see where his heart is. Granted, he doesn’t have a strong Quirk, but his spirit and morals are strong. All Might has passed on the torch to Izuku, and Deku has trouble throughout the series of truly surpassing his mentor, at least mentally. He learns from others, but that could be a weakness when he forgets to make things in his own style. It wasn’t until he stopped using OFA like All Might that he started to truly progress. He started to look towards his own peers for inspiration. I think this echo’s the themes of the the last generations passing on the torch to the new hero’s. The “It’s your turn” line is said to Deku, but it can apply to all of class 1A or all the new hero’s that are going to shape society. The question we have with MHA is whether or not the children of the new generation are going to repeat the same mistakes of the past. But the older generation doesn’t only pass on burdens and fallers, they also passed on strength and ideals. Rock Lock is first seen questioning the capabilities of the young Hero’s, but than has to accept that they are part of hero society and have to carry those burdens and hardships, and are even capable of surpassing even current established hero’s while doing so. I think when we see his family, we get a sense of his motivation and why he see’s Deku the way he does, and why he speaks up and is critical at times. He too is reluctant to pass on the role of the hero to the new generation, but ultimately acknowledges that the kids are capable, even though it’s not an easy burden.

For such little screen time I think he is a super well developed character and i love him so much!

UNDERRATED HERO AND BETTER DAD/HUSBAND THAN ENDEAVOR.

Kiya, for the ask game : "Send me a character and I'll tell you my ", can I ask for Miwa (JJK) or RockLock (BNHA) or Haru (Balance Unlimited)? Thx :D

I gotta go with my man, Rock Lock. It's been a while since I have and come on. Y'all know what month it is?!

My first impression: Bro asked about why kids were at a meeting about the yakuza and my first thought was "you have asked a very sensible question, I think I'm going to like you very much". I was right.

My impression now: Oh, Rock Lock is definitely in the top ten of my favorite MHA characters and after Miruko, he is my favorite Pro Hero.

Favorite thing about that character: I already took to him because of his personality. But I definitely admired the fact we have a family man here. I'm a sucker for badass dads who love their families.

Least favorite thing: My guy deserves more shine, just saying. Also, the fact that his wife and son don't have first names. I wanna know their names!

Favorite line/scene: Other than the hospital scene, which I'll talk about later, I gotta say his debut is one of my favorite scenes and I like this line he says "U.A. students or not, kids are kids. Of course I was worried about 'em." To me, it reflects that Rock Lock does have a caring heart. Even after that bit, he acknowledges that younger heroes like Midoriya just need room to shine to show what they're capable of. He's a guy who won't act like he doesn't care. He'll admit he's worried, but he'll still support you like an good person... a good parent will do.

Favorite interaction that character has with another: I want a whole segment of Rock Lock with his family. That hospital scene where his wife comes in running and crying with their son and how she just hugs him and the way he hugs back touched my heart so much! It's crazy to me, now that I'm thinking about it,screening! Pro Hero can I think of with a loving marriage and they barely have had screentime! Everyone else is either single or if they are married, there's problems (Endeavor and Captain Celebrity).

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: I wish, how I wish, him and Miruko had scenes together. They're both heroes who actually take being a hero seriously and you cannot tell me they wouldn't be besties. In my fic , There's Miruko, There's Rumi, they're friends and Miruko is Rock Lock's son's honorary aunt.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character: I haven't seen all of Craig of the Creek, just a couple of episodes (I have younger siblings who watch it) but Rock Lock reminds me of Craig's dad. A man who cares about family and does his best for them? I'm here for it!!

A headcanon about that character: He definitely is that parent who attends birthday parties and PTA meetings (when Lil' Takagi goes to school). I headcanon that he and his wife went to school together and also had friends that live in the same area. In their adult years, some of them are married and have kids and whenever there's some party or play date, best believe the Takagi's are there.

A song that reminds of that character: I can't even think of one right now, but I'm gonna need NemRaps, DizzyEight, 954mari... anybody to make one!

An unpopular opinion about that character: I personally feel like Rock Lock is one the better heroes. Again, I hate that when he debuted the fandom was quick to hate on him and call him "mean" because he had a point. Why in the hell was kids dragged into a situation as dangerous ad dealing with the yakuza? And then it makes sense Rock Lock would think like that! He is a married man with a son of his own! And it wasn't like he didn't think Midoriya or anybody was capable because he does recognize their potential. What he's about is if you're going to take up a duty that can cost you your life, be serious about and not treat it as some game. It's funny to me that someone actually had the nerve once to compare him and Endeavor even though in season 5, Endeavor was quick to act like a brat because Bakugou and Midoriya was joining Todoroki for the Work Studies.

Favorite picture: I won't lie, I totally get why he is a married man. Also can we talk again about the hospital scene? They are a beautiful family!! 😭

Send Me a Character... ✨️

[neonacity]

ARCANE | CH.11 | NCT DREAM X READER

Summary: When you decided to apply for a researcher post in an elusive institute, you already had the feeling that you’ll be getting yourself knee-deep into something out of the ordinary. But desperate needs require desperate measures, and so you embraced the invite, despite all the alarm signals urging you to run away. What you found out was nothing you’d ever expected.

Seven boys.

Seven human deviants granted with abilities tied to the legendary Arcana Cards.

Welcome to Project Dream.

Pairing: Various Dream Members x Reader

Trigger Warnings/Themes: violence, torture, trauma, very slight yandere themes, poly dynamics, suggestive themes, language, psychological, mystery, sci-fi. Romance will take a little bit of a backseat on this one since this is more of a suspense-driven plot, but it will still be threaded in the overall story. The concept of the tarot or Arcana cards will be loosely used throughout the series. Note that I am not a trained doctor so there may be some slips here and there about medical things. Again, this is a work of fiction and I am not implying any likeness between the characterization here of the boys to their real life counterparts. I also reserve the rights to all my work—I do not post anywhere else other than tumblr. Minors DNI.

> CH. 1 | CH. 2 | CH.3 | CH.4 | CH.5 | CH.6 | CH.7 | CH.8 | CH.9 | CH.10

Chapter Song:

Run Boy Run > Woodkid

"Here… Have some water."

You blindly reached out for the glass that Ten pushed towards you from across the table. Numbly, you watched as your pale fingers wrapped around it, the cold seeping into your skin like painful pinpricks. The hubbub of the coffee shop around you sounded like white noise to your ears, a complete contrast of the deafening silence from the two men sitting in front of you now. Hell, you didn't even realize that you called them during the mess of everything that has happened in the last two hours, but here you are, staring numbly at nothing in particular as both waited for you to speak. 

"Hey… are you okay? You're not hurt anywhere are you?" Kun asked carefully after a few more seconds of silence. You flinched despite the gentleness of his voice and raised your eyes to finally meet his.

"It's okay. You don't need to talk first, we just wanted to make sure you aren't in pain or—"

"I think Cypher has my father."

You cut Ten off, your voice sounding hollow in your ears. You saw the way their expressions changed from surprise to utter confusion. It's obvious that it was the last thing they were expecting to hear from you. 

"Your father? Why would Cypher have him?"

The knot in the middle of your breastbone throbbed again. Briefly, you ran over Winwin's voice mail in your head. Your eyes felt unnaturally dry, as if you hadn't blinked for a long time, but the sting behind them was the least of your concerns.

"Because he is an Arcana user. He's a deviant. Just like them."

If Kun and Ten looked confused earlier, they definitely are thunderstruck now. Ten's lips parted in shock while Kun stared at you, eyes rounded. You shifted your gaze away from theirs before continuing.

"I lied. When I went to Rosewood, I found out that my father used to work with the boys. It was the reason why I suddenly stopped contact with all of you for a while—because I couldn't process that his disappearance months ago was connected to this mess. When I went there though, I stole a framed photo from his office and found a hidden memory card inside of it today," you stopped briefly before shakily taking out your phone. You pushed it towards the pair and both frowned at the screenshot plastered on its screen.

"Holy shit…" Ten mumbled under his breath as his eyes scanned through it. Kun, on the other hand, picked it up so he could read the details there better.

"It's a document of Arcana holders," he whispered, eyes moving across the screen. "Your father is—"

"The Judgement, the 20th of the Major Arcana masters," you answered, your voice not even sounding like yours in your ears. Kun's gaze flickered towards you momentarily in concern before going back to what he was reading.

"Why do you think Cypher has him?"

"Winwin. He was able to hack some hidden files," you swallowed the painful blockage in your throat. "My father is  a patient of Project Irregular."

You didn't need to turn towards the two to know the look in their faces. Ten silently reached out for your hand across the table and gave it a squeeze.

"You didn't have any idea that he is… just like them?"

You shook your head numbly. He didn't push through with the question and decided to go a different path after exchanging a glance with Kun.

"Was there something else you found out? You don't have to answer yet if you don't want to. This must be too much for you."

You hesitated. To be honest, everything was still a mess in your head, but maybe sharing things with them can offload some of what you've been struggling to process.

"There was another patient. The World."

"The 21st and the last in the Major Arcana," Kun said slowly as his eyes landed on the page he was reading. "According to this document, it is one of the three Arcana holders who fall under the third classification of users."

At that, Ten turned to look at him with a slight frown. 

"A third what?"

"We were correct with our research. There are different kinds of Arcana users. The physical element manipulators like Mark, Chenle, and Jisung, and the psychic ones like Renjun, Haechan, and Jaemin," Kun explained, reading off the file in front of him. "But there is also a third classification. The users who can control Arcana wielders with their abilities."

"The document is incomplete, but there are three cards tagged there. They call them the Triad. My father, The Judgement or IL Giudizio, The World, IL Mondo, and another one… The Fool, IL Matto."

"Those are the last three cards of a tarot deck  right?" Ten asked, leaning over to squint at your phone. Kun nodded in answer.

"The tarot numbering is basically a story that details the journey of humankind, represented by The Fool, through the cycle of life. It starts from awakening, to discord, and finally growth. Those three cards make up the end and completion of the journey. The Judgement is card 20, The World is card 21, and The Fool can either be tagged as card 22 or card 0. It can be the beginning…or the end."  

"But the capabilities of those three are not listed in this file. And there are no names for The World and The Fool," Ten observed.

"They have been burned off," you said, finally taking the phone from them. You zoomed in on the photo to highlight the scorch marks before showing it to them again.

"See? Those are burns on the pages. When I went to my father's office in Rosewood, I saw signs of things put on fire there. Whoever left this clue wanted to leave a trail, while also protecting the identity of the last two cards."

"So there is a possibility that whichever book this page came from does not exist anymore?"

"Probably. Or it is still hidden somewhere in Rosewood. The list we have is not even complete in the first place. Jeno and the others' names are not there. Somebody left this as an intentional clue to lead down a path."

"You think that someone is also working against Cypher?"

Kun's question made you pause. You've shared with them briefly before about the possibility of the boys being sent as insiders to the Institute by a mastermind pulling the strings from the outside. Right now, there is no doubt that you were correct in your hunch all along.

"You remember what I told you about the boys willingly sacrificing themselves to Cypher because of someone? I think it's her. Renjun, he gave me this," you pulled the locket from your pocket and showed it to the two. "It's what led me to that file. He said she wanted me to take it. I have no idea who she is, but with the way the boys are willing to move worlds for her, I assume she is also part of their family…"

Both Kun and Ten were silent as they stared at the pendant. Ten was the one who broke the silence first.

"If that woman is the one behind it… Then why is she using you to move things around? Unless…" he trailed off before his eyes slowly widened at his slow realization. The look you gave him confirmed that you are thinking of the same thing.

"Maybe she can't… because Cypher must be after her too."

Kun leaned back against his seat in shock. "She must be one of the Triad users."

For a moment, none of you really spoke, both lost in your own theories and questions. Outside of the cafe, a crackling sound of thunder clapped angrily and sent shocks of light across the horizon. You stared off into the glass and watched as streaks of rain started falling from the skies, staining the pavement black.

"We still can't know for sure. Winwin told me that he is still going to try and crack some files because it is impossible for a project like this to not have a trail. Until then, we need to do something to find out, at least, what the Triad can do. I think that's when we can really find out what Cypher is cooking up."

The pair in front of you remained silent even though you saw them exchange a look in your peripheral vision. Their unspoken words hang heavy in the air, almost suffocating you, but you tried your best to avoid their gaze, your eyes set instead on the wet pavement darkened by the unforgiving rain.

"Is that what you want to do?" Kun finally asked quietly across from you. Your heart clenched in your chest again and you took a while to answer, but you finally turned to look at him.

"Yes. Mark, Jeno and the others might be doing this for someone, but I'll be doing this for my father. I have no idea if he's even still alive… but I have to try. He only has me."

Kun and Ten met the calmness of your voice with determined looks of their own. Another clap of thunder outside tore the skies, as if foreboding a future none of you want. Ten finally gave a nod before moving his gaze to Kun then back at you.

"If that's the case, then there is one thing we must never screw up..."

"We can't let Cypher know that we are going after its evil ass."

*******

You waited in silence in the bare-looking room without trying to shift uncomfortably in your seat. Just outside of the door, visible on the edge of the glass panel that separates your interview area from the hallway were a set of guards manning the entrance like sentinels. You took one quick glance at their backs before bringing your gaze down again in a fake show of calmness. Any other day and you would have fought for your privacy with your sessions, but you honestly don't think that is up for discussion right now.

The mechanical hissing of the door made you look up again after a few more beats of silence. Unconsciously, you picked yourself up from your seat as a different pair of guards marched from the entrance, flanking a platinum-haired boy in their middle. The moment your eyes met, the corners of his lips lifted into a knowing smile.

"You asked for this one?"

The gruff voice of one of the men broke your eye contact with the other. You gave a calm nod in answer and trained your eyes on him in practiced control. One look and a few words in and you can obviously see the change of dynamics in the way the boys are being treated now, but hell be damned will you be blatantly intimidated by these monsters.

"Yes. This is him."

"You have fifteen minutes to talk to him. I will be moderating the session in person."

"I don't think that is necessary, sir."

"Protocol's changed now, doctor. You talk, we listen. Take it or leave it. It's for your own safety."

You were about to open your mouth to argue again when the man forced the boy he was holding by the arm into his seat. Before you could even say anything, the guard had already turned and started walking towards the other side of the room where he leaned, arms crossed, against the wall. The other slipped outside and joined the ones already stationed there. You shot the man left inside a look of disbelief before finally unfreezing on your spot and lowering yourself again on your seat.

"Makes you feel like you are in a prison, doesn't it? They even gave us ugly jail wards," the boy finally broke the silence as he leaned back on his seat. You brought your eyes back to him and tried to relax your spine in an effort to bring yourself back to focus.

"How are you, Jaemin?"

His expression didn't change but you noticed the way his eyes moved over you with intent. The guard was far enough for the both of you to get away with softer voices, but the pair of you are aware of how careful you should be with your movements. You couldn't give much, but you also couldn't give away too little and raise suspicions.

"I think I should be the one asking you that. Tell me if there is a reason I shouldn't have stopped myself from cutting off one of Haechan's hands?"

You knew the question was coming. Despite the high tension in the room, you managed to offer him the smallest of smiles.

"I'm doing so much better. Don't be too hard on him. I was the one who got in his way."

"Yeah. Because you're frustratingly nice. Try not to do that again next time?" He said with a raise of his brows. You sighed and gave a shrug.

"I didn't come here to be mothered." You paused and held his gaze. His back was on the man watching you both with a hawk-like glare, a setup that favored you because it kept him from seeing the way Jaemin's eyes glinted in understanding. When you spoke again, you made sure to keep your voice as even as possible.

"We need to catch up… on a lot of things."

"Now?" He asked in a low voice.

You gave a slight dip of your head.

"Yes… Now."

Barely a second after you said that, you felt an invisible force skim the edges of your consciousness. It was the same feeling you had back at the arena when he first showed his powers, the dizzy spell that made your focus momentarily swim. It was fleeting though, and before you could even take another breath, you saw the guard at the other end of the wall loosen his stance. There was a faraway look on his face as he stared off at the distance, confirming Jaemin's spell.

"We have ten more minutes. The others outside will notice if we take more than that," he said as he leaned closer towards the table. You tore your eyes away from the other man and swallowed.

"Are all of you okay? Are they still hurting you?" You asked the first question that you needed to get out of the way. His jaw tightened but he gave you a stiff nod in answer.

"We're holding up. The conditions are different now, but I don't think they're at that point yet where they are done with us. They can't kill us… yet."

You frowned in concern.

"What do you mean?"

"Jeno… Is holding them back. They've pretty much drawn their conclusions about our abilities but they still can't get rid of us since Jeno hasn't shown them his Arcana yet. They are keeping us just in case they need any of our powers to control him."

Your heart dropped at his words.

"Are they hurting him now too?"

"Yes. But they are still being careful with him."

"Can't you just tell me what he can do? Maybe I can help—"

Jaemin gave you a torn look from across the table.

"I can't. I trust you… but the less you know, the safer it is for you and us."

He didn't need to say that again for you to understand the implication behind his words. He's right. Who knows what lengths Cypher is willing to cross to get whatever it is that they need? If they can hurt them, they won't have any qualms about hurting anyone too. Besides, what Jeno can do is the least of what you need to know at the moment. However, there is one question you need Jaemin to clear up, no matter what it takes.

"I understand. But you need to answer my next question, Jaemin…" you asked now as you leaned closer towards the edge of the table. You met his gaze unwaveringly, your stare determined. 

"Tell me. What can my father do?"

His reaction was brief but instant. Jaemin's eyes rounded as surprise parted his lips.

"How did you…"

"I know everything now. He is an Arcana user just like you," your voice sounded thin as you answered. In your desperation, you reached out to squeeze his hand. "Jaemin, I know you have an idea of what he can do. I need you to tell me what it is because Cypher might be keeping him prisoner too."

The look that took over his features told you that this is one piece of information he wasn't expecting you to know.

"What do you mean Cypher has him too?"

You tried to desperately work through the words that are still so hard for you to voice out.

"This experiment that you're going through… It's just a piece of the puzzle. There was an earlier study that Cypher did called Project Irregular and my father was one of its subjects. There was another one with him, the Arcana Master of The World, but the identity of that person is still unknown. Jaemin, I know that you and the rest of your brothers are staying here because you want to figure out what Cypher is up to. This is it. If you tell me what my father and the other Arcana user can do, we can all solve this together and you can leave."

Jaemin pulled away from you, his expression torn. You knew he was trying to make a big decision in his head and you tried to bite back the urge to beg him to talk.

"I don't… I don't know much about The World. Ever since we were young, the identity of that person has always been kept away from the family. We didn't really know why, but we assumed he broke the code and was exiled or he left on his own. Your father might be the only one who knows him. He was the Head of the brotherhood and ran everything, that's why he also took care of us."

So IL Mondo wasn't the woman behind the clues but someone else…

"Was it also the same for… The Fool?"

His eyes snapped back at you urgently. You didn't falter, your voice low as you spoke.

"There are three of them, right? The third group of Arcana Masters."

Jaemin seemed pained as you said that. For a moment he looked like he was about to spill something but then he held back as he looked away.

"The Triad's identities have always been made private except to a select few through generations. They are kept under maximum protection, because they are the only ones who can affect other Arcana wielders like us. That means if ever they come under the control of the wrong people, even all of us combined can't do much to stop them," he explained slowly. "I cannot tell you where IL Matto is because they do not want to be found yet. It's better for that to remain that way, especially if you're saying now that Cypher got their hands on IL Giudizio and IL Mondo."

You tried to process that slowly. You leaned back on your seat momentarily just to try and sift through the new questions his answers bought.

"But my father… you at least know him. I know you do," you brought your gaze back at him, helplessness obvious in your features. Jaemin's jaw tightened and his hands locked tighter in front of him.

"I told you I'm going to help you, but please help me too. This is no longer just about you and your personal vendetta against the Institute. I'm not even sure if my father is still alive, but at least I need to know why they wanted him. This is about me too," you added.

The look he gave you was intense and yet you didn't look away. Finally, after what seemed like a long bout of silence, he spoke again. His voice was calm and controlled, and you knew he wanted you to take in every word he was about to say.

"The Judgement card is about balance. Good or evil, one force always has its matching energy, like the scales that should have equal parts of everything for the sake of order. Your father… can deflect and reflect Arcana powers aimed at him into something or someone else. If, lets say I try to use mine on him, he can bring it back to me with equal intensity. He has one of the rarest abilities, because he can hurt a fellow Arcana user with their own magic if he wanted to."

You took in a slow breath as you took his words in. Jaemin continued, his eyes never leaving your pale face.

"The Triad is also a different line of Arcana users. Unlike us who inherited the same powers from former masters, the abilities of their line shifts and changes every time they are passed down to a different user. So the skills of your father now will be different once they move to a new master. That's why I also can't help you with IL Mondo. None of us knew him, so we also don't know what he can do. The previous Masters who had his powers before can't even be used as a clue on what his abilities are now."  

You felt cold. There was one question that has lodged itself heavily on your throat.

"When do… Arcana powers get passed to a different master?" You asked slowly. The look Jaemin gave you confirmed your suspicions.

"When its former master dies."

A slight movement in your peripheral vision made you look up. One of the guards outside turned and peered into the room to check what was happening and your gaze slipped towards the one inside—who is still under Jaemin's hypnosis—in panic. Before you could even say anything,  however, you felt warmth wrap around your hand. Jaemin was staring at you with an intensity that made you snap your attention back to him.

"We have to move fast. I feel like Cypher is going to do something soon."

"We have to get you out of here… At the right time," you whispered. He nodded.

"Tell us what you need us to do."

A beeping on the door told you that your fifteen minutes were over. Jaemin gave you one last look before it slid open.

"Whatever happens, remember. We can't let them have all of the Triad members."

*******

The clicking sounds of the keyboard filled your small bedroom with a monotonous hum. Your eyes bounced around the three men currently stationed on various spots of your usable space, who, ironically, seem to be watching each other in their own surreptitious ways too. To be honest, you would have found the situation amusing if you all weren't working on something so serious, but right now, you can't really blame your guests for being wary of each other.

"So… How long have you been working for Cypher again, Sicheng?" You didn't know whether to feel relieved or nervous when Ten finally broke the suffocating silence from his spot by the floor. His expression looked casual, maybe slightly friendly even, but you still didn't miss the undercurrent of suspicion on his tone. Winwin looked up from his computer at his position on your study table and gave the other a wary glance. The poor boy has been trying his best to ignore the dagger stares he’s been getting for the last hour or so.

"Uh… for three years," he answered as he stole a look towards your direction. You shot him an apologetic smile from over the research files you have been reading.

"Three years… that means you pretty much have a hand in the Institute's core systems, right? What can you do with your access?" Kun was the one who asked this time. You winced. Unlike Ten, he was more blatant with his staring. It almost felt like he was giving an interrogation.

"I have database controls, access to cams, and overall security," Winwin replied as he turned his attention back to what he was doing. "Everything that Cypher endorses to the public, I can tap since the Institute relies too much on technology. It's a different case though for things they consciously keep a secret. I have to dig deeper for them."

"How hard is it to crack them?" You asked, finally deciding to join the conversation. Winwin momentarily frowned and ran a hand through his hair. He has been nothing but patient about this all throughout, but now you could clearly see his frustration even if it was just for a quick second.

"The kind of 'hard' you get from multiple firewalls, AES encryption, and other things. Seriously, it's not just the fact that they kept their files in another database that gives them away. The tech systems they used are the same ones that governments and intelligence organizations have. They definitely are hiding something they can't afford anyone to get their hands on."

Ten raised his brows and gave you an impressed glance. "He's good."

Kun, however, didn't look that much convinced yet. He finally closed the book he had been faking to read and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sounds fancy. You think you can crack them then?"

You knew it was a rhetorical question, so you were surprised when Winwin politely returned the sass to the other. He turned on his seat to give him a look and nodded towards his computer screen with a satisfied look.

"Make that question a declarative. I just did."

Your eyes rounded. In an instant, you were flying out of your bed and going over to his side. It didn't take long for Kun and Ten to do the same.

"I think these are some of the last files of the research before they officially closed it and moved on to Project Dream," he said as he clicked on a sub-set of folders. Your eyes moved quickly over their labels before giving a nod towards the last one.

"Can you open that? It might have the summary of the study."

Winwin clicked on the said folder and typed in some code to unlock it. When the file finally opened, the text on it first looked like a mix of random shapes and letters. You watched as he typed a string of command on a smaller screen that slowly triggered each line to be coded into readable text. At that moment, all four of you fell into deep silence as you speed read over what was written there.

Researcher Notes:

06.06.2021.

The trial run ended successfully with both Arcana powers reflected and absorbed by the mimicry unit. The abilities of Patient 20, the Judgement, remains intact despite being in a coma. The deviant's  physical body, however, needs certain stimuli for his abilities to work and merge with Patient 21, The World's Arcana.

After a series of tests, both Arcanas have manifested successfully on the mimicry unit. A different set of input is needed to confirm the extent of adoption of both abilities.

Suggested next step of action: move to the second phase of the project.

You felt numb. The context of what you just read barely registered on you as you hyper focused on one detail.

Cypher does have your father.

He is alive… but in a state of coma.

"Go back to the other folders," you croaked as you tried to keep your wits on you. Kun looked at you worriedly from your other side and Winwin also seemed hesitant to move.

"Are you sure…"

"Just do it. Please."

The strain on your voice made the other three exchange quick glances. Finally, Winwin went back to the collection of folders in the root file. Your gaze fixated on one there and you pointed at it with your finger.

"Can you open that? The one labeled IL Mondo."

The boy did what he was told. Again, the four of you fell silent as you went through the page that opened. Unlike the first document with study notes, this one seemed like a patient profile. The moment the lines of code were translated by the system, your group gave a collective gasp at the photo that stared back at you from the screen. Under it were profile details typed in neo green font.

Patient 21.

Arcana Tag: The World / IL Mondo

Name: Haneul Lee

"Holy shit…"

Ten's whisper made you lean your hand at the back of Winwin's seat for support. The earlier numbness you felt was now mixed with a sickening dizziness as you tried to keep yourself from drawing back. You barely heard Kun's voice beside you as he spoke in an equally stressed tone.

"Scroll down. They have his Arcana ability listed there."

IL Mondo, The World, the last persona of the Arcana is representative of cycles and loops. Supernaturally, the patient possesses the ability to absorb Arcana powers of fellow masters and temporarily wield it as his own for a limited amount of time. As per test drill data, the subject can keep the absorption capacity to an average of 15 minutes.

Your mind felt like cotton. There was a part of it that was filled with noise, but there was also the side of you that was working to fit the pieces together. And they did fit. Almost too perfectly. You reached out to Kun now with a horrified look on your face, your hands squeezing his arm.

"I know what Cypher is planning to do."

"You—"

"My father's ability was to deflect Arcana powers. Whatever was sent towards him, he can reflect it on another target. Haneul can copy abilities from other masters. The last research notes mentioned a mimicry unit that was used to receive the abilities of both. Cypher combined and merged them in that unit. Haneul used his powers on my father, who then reflected it to the machine. They created something that can reflect a copied Arcana into someone else."

"Oh my god… and then Project Dream started," Ten whispered, his eyes wide. Winwin also caught on, looking pale in the face.

"The study where they got the set of different Arcana users."

You nodded.

"My father and Mr. Lee's abilities are useless unless there are other Arcana abilities involved. Project Irregular was the setup.  Project Dream was all about getting Arcana powers that can be absorbed by other people."

"That means… if Cypher successfully did it, they can create an army of Arcana users on their own," Kun said, his voice slightly trembling. All four of you looked at each other in shock. Everything Miyoung told you makes so much sense now.

She was trying to use the abilities of the boys for evil, but it was more than just weaponizing them. She must have known Cypher can never put them under total control so she… was going to make copies of them instead.

"What are we going to do now?" Ten asked after a moment of stunned silence. Your eyes found the photo of Haneul staring at you from the screen as you thought over the next step. Finally, you turned to Winwin, your face set.

"You said you have access to all the cameras and entrance portals of the Institute, right?"

He frowned. He looked unsure, as if he already knows your idea is a bad one.

"Yes. I can control them, but not for very long. Someone might notice if I do."

"That's good enough. Tonight's the perfect time. Can you smuggle me inside the Institute and make sure I don't get caught by any cameras?"

"But what are you planning to do?"

You set your lips determinedly at his question.

"I need to talk to someone."

*******

You tried to move as silently as possible in the deserted stark white corridors of the Institute. Despite being confident of Winwin's skills of blinding all the security cameras lining the halls, you can't help but throw furtive glances every now and then behind your back to make sure that nobody has taken notice of you yet. It was past midnight so the place is more or less bare, but that still didn't stop you from being hypersensitive on the slightest of noises.

You found the door you were looking for at a hallway you have not really ventured on before. You've only ever made your rounds on the places you were granted employee access, but you quickly tapped your hacked access card now on the slot by the entrance. With one last look at the shadowed hallway, you quietly slipped inside the room as the door parted with a mechanical hum.

"What the hell are you doing here?”

The moment you stepped inside, you felt your breath almost choked out of you as a pair of strong arms went over the half of your face and around your waist. The instinctual scream dissolved in your throat though as the iron grip hold on you suddenly loosened. Before you could even take your next breath, you felt yourself spun over to face your captor.

You looked shell-shocked at Jeno's equally stunned expression. The light in his room was dimmed, but you saw the way his eyes roamed down on you to check if you were alright. You were expecting him to let you go the moment he realized who you are, but instead his hands remained on your shoulders and unconsciously gave them a squeeze.

"I need to talk to you," you finally managed to gasp out. You saw his jaw tick as a frown of worry settled between his brows.

"You are not allowed to be here. It's dangerous—"

"I won't take long. Listen, Jeno, I found out what Cypher wants from all of you. You need to get out of here as soon as possible."

He looked confused. Finally, he lowered his hold on you though he kept the distance between you both. 

"My father. Cypher has him. They used his Arcana with the abilities of The World. We sneaked around the hidden files of the Institute and uncovered IL Mondo's identity and powers. He's Haneul Lee, the head of Cypher himself, and he can copy powers from other Arcana users like you."

Jeno froze in his spot as he processed your words. You continued, set on breaking down everything to him.

"They created a machine that combined both of my father and Haneul's abilities. Then they took all of you because they need your powers to be replicated. That's the reason why you are here. Cypher is not going to be using you, they will be creating clones of all of you. Do you see what I’m saying? You need to get out of here before they even unlock your abilities because they might kill all of you the moment you show it them. You are the only one keeping them from getting rid of the others."

This time, Jeno took a slight step back. He looked shocked by everything you just said, his eyes dark with questions.

"You've confirmed that your father is still being held by Cypher?"

You gave a tight nod and swallowed through the painful dryness of your throat.

"We can't just leave him here then. If we get out, he needs to go too. Do you have any idea what other things the Institute's machine can do?"

"No… they just said it has successfully combined both my father and Haneul's abilities."

"I doubt any advanced technology could entirely change and control abilities that do not belong to this world so I'm sure your father is still being kept alive. They need him close to supply his abilities to that machine. We have to get him out of their clutches—that might possibly pull out his powers from whatever monstrous thing they created."

For the first time since you found out that your father was being kept prisoner, you actually felt a glimmer of hope. You haven't even considered the possibility of what he said, admittedly having focused more on the overwhelming feeling of helplessness that you initially felt. You felt a sting at the back of your eyes now as you stared at the boy in front of you.

"You're… you're going to help me save him?"

It seemed like he wasn't at all expecting your question. He looked at you, a look of guilt and compassion taking over his features for a moment. In the middle of processing your own emotions, the warmth of his hand that touched your cheek almost made you break down to tears.

"Yes. You saved us. We're going to do the same for you."

You have barely parted your lips to answer when an electronic beeping from the entrance suddenly made the two of you freeze. Despite his instincts, Jeno was too late to do anything else other than hide you behind him when the door to his room opened. You silently gasped. A man clad in Cypher's warden uniform stepped inside and turned on the switch, filling the quarters with light.

"What is happening here?"

You flinched at the gruff voice that called out to your pair. In front of you, Jeno has turned into stone, his form still but tensed. Your heart was beating hard on your chest, but you fortunately still had enough sense for your quick thinking to kick in. Carefully, you stepped out of his cover and tried your best to meet the icy cold stare of the man in front of you.

"I'm his doctor. I was doing last minute rounds," you thanked years of training for the steady voice that came out of you. If not for the slight shaking of your hand as you lifted your ID, you would have easily come off as confident and calm.

The man gave one quick glance at your identification before training his eyes on your face again. You knew from his expression alone that he doesn't believe a single shit of what you just said, but that doesn't mean you're going down without a fight.

"At 1 AM in the morning."

You nodded. "I was going through something urgent with him so I rushed here. It is not out of rules for me to talk to my patients for emergency cases, is it not?"

The man didn't say anything, knowing what you were saying was true. Instead, he looked towards Jeno again who was still glaring at him from his spot.

"Emergency and unmoderated meetings are not being encouraged now. Whatever it is you need to talk about, you can discuss during assigned appointments. Let's go. I will escort you out."

You didn't like the idea of that. Before you could even say anything, however, Jeno stepped in front of you again.

"She's going to leave here on her own."

The man was not stupid enough not to catch the threatening tone in the other's voice. You watched, terrified, as the guard took a step closer towards him before giving him a malicious leer.

"I don't take orders from abnormals like you."

Jeno didn't seem fazed at all. Instead, he met the older man's glare with equal intensity, his jaw ticking.

"You try to put a finger on her and I swear this abnormal will make you regret it forever."

"You don't scare me, you fucking pretty boy. You don't even have the guts to show your powers," the man spat out, his face red. Veins have bulged on his temples now in anger and he had taken a step closer towards the younger male. You were terrified. In the middle of trying to calm yourself down, Jeno did something that made the blood in your veins freeze even more.

He smirked.

"I have news for you, old man. I can destroy you… even without using a drop of what I can do on you."

You held your breath. He said that in such relaxed calmness, and yet you felt a different kind of fear climb up your spine at the sound of his voice alone. You knew it wasn't just you who felt the eerie chill too, as the guard slowly paled and slightly leaned back. The man's eyes slipped towards you before going back to him.

"Go. Leave now." Jeno's voice broke through your stupor. He wasn't looking at you, his eyes still trained on the warden, and you took that as your chance to finally move. With one last look at him, you wordlessly walked away, your heartbeat eerily slow in your chest.

Jeno waited until the sounds of your footsteps fully disappeared before he let himself relax just a little. In front of him, the man continued to stare at him with an unreadable look in his face. He threw him one last glare before he turned and started walking towards his bed again. Jeno had every intention of ignoring him when the words of the guard momentarily made him stop.

"You know, she's right. Being here is technically not against the rules for her. But it makes you wonder…"

"How did your little girlfriend manage to enter a section restricted to her?"

*******

You tried to keep your nerves under control as you walked, once again, through the sprawling corridors of the Institute. Unlike the night before when you tried to move in secret, you made your way now in the well-lit halls of Cypher like you do on the regular. If you're going to be completely honest with yourself now, this is the last place you wanted to be in after the stand-off that happened last night, but you figured you will just cause more suspicion if you skip work today. And so here you are, your heels clacking against the floor, with the letter you found on your table this morning clutched in your hand.

Your grip unconsciously tightened around it now as you turned the corner. Unlike the first one you received from Mrs. Lee before, this one seems less personalized, with its sparse content printed in black ink. There was nothing much written on it, just a single line requesting you to attend a test session and a room number. You remember picking it up and glancing over Kun's table to check if he also got the same just like last time, but his desk seemed bare and it was obvious he hadn't even clocked in yet. Despite the odd feeling in your gut, you decided to come and find the room anyway, hoping whatever this is would be quick.

You have already found the designated corridor when your steps slowed down as a wave of realization gripped you. This isn't the first time you have been here. Looking around, you realized it was the same part of the floor where you found Renjun being subjected to Cypher's tests. An eerie chill slowly sank in your veins as a thought struck you. Are you here… to sit through one of those sessions again?

You didn't have time to entertain the thought as you found yourself standing right in front of the very door you were supposed to look for. You stared at it, stuck in the middle of feeling nervous and afraid, before you finally started reaching out for its handle. The door opened without you having to use your access card and you stared at the dark room beyond before carefully stepping inside. You weren't expecting that the lights would be out, but you could tell from the pitch dark of the room that it was mostly bare. Before you could even reach towards the wall to feel for a switch, the lights finally came on, momentarily blinding you. When you finally opened your eyes again, you found yourself staring at an odd view.

Seven pairs of eyes looked back at you in equal shock from the other side of the glass wall. It took you a few seconds to figure out what was off about the situation, but then it clicked and you felt your heart drop.

The boys were still in the viewing area… while you stood, alone, in the very space that Renjun was tortured in before.

You watched as some of them parted their lips in horror as they realized the same thing. Before any of you could do anything, a searing shock split your sides. You gave a scream before you felt your body toppling backwards.

Your consciousness left you before you even hit the floor.

*******

You woke up slowly and groggily. Head still stirring, the first thing that registered to you was the dull numbness on your side and a slight buzzing in your ears. Even as you finally opened your eyes, your mind still couldn't make sense of what you were seeing. That is, until your vision focused on the terrified look of the boy staring at you from a distance.

Mark…?

"You're awake now? Good. Let's get this over with."

A cold voice from beside you made you turn your head around. Standing behind the same machine that was used on Renjun before was a woman wearing a blue lab coat. She wasn't even looking at you, her focus set instead on the dashboard of controls connected to the unit she was tinkering with. Wires stuck out of it in a web and you followed their trail with your gaze in your half-awake state. They spread out across the room… stopping right on the seat you were currently strapped into.

And just like that, you jerked forward as realization finally hit you like a tidal wave. In your panic, you tried to stand up, only for you to realize that your hands and feet were bound in leather straps to a chair in the middle of the room. You started thrashing around in fear, the wires attached to you stirring with your movements.

"Stop fighting it. It's not like you can do anything about it anyway."

"Quiet down. You'll only make this harder for yourself," the woman answered. She had already seated herself behind the machine, half of her face now covered with protective glasses. You watched as she bent down on a small microphone that stuck out in front of her, her voice cold as she spoke to it.

A man's voice made you whip your head towards the other side of the room. You froze as you met the malicious stare of the same guard from last night. He slowly tipped his lips into a lopsided smile that made your stomach twist in knots.

"What the hell is going on! Let me go!"

"Ready to deploy round one in 15 seconds. Controls set to medium intensity."

Another voice cackled from the other end of the line. The moment it spoke its first word, your heart froze in your chest.

“Make sure it’s enough for a reaction, but don’t kill her. Yet.”

Miyoung Lee.

“Copy, Ma’m.”

That was the last you heard before you curled in on yourself in the next split second. The sensation that took over you was unlike anything you have experienced. There was a blinding flash of light that signaled the attack and then your veins felt like they were shocked with ice before an excruciating burning feeling took over them. It was not even close to the feeling of being electrocuted, with the pain lingering longer in currents buzzing under your skin. Half of your consciousness didn’t even register the way your body stiffened on your seat before slumping after. Your eyes were open as they stared, shell-shocked, on your hands which have turned into a ghastly white as they grabbed on the seat handles.

“STOP!”

You heard muffled shouts from the distance followed by a dull thumping from the other side of the room. You wanted to lift your head to look at whoever was screaming, but your body was still in shock from what you just went through.

“Her heart rate spiked but not to the maximum yet,” the woman dictated from the other side of the room.

“Give her another round.”

You parted your lips to say something, but your words were cut off when the same feeling gripped you again. This time, it took longer, the sensation lasting for a few more seconds before it subsided. You could hear a different set of screams, and you realized, with pained detachment, who was making it the moment you slumped back from the attack.

It was you.

“Her blood pressure is spiking, Ma’m.”

You blindly raised your head this time to lean it against the back of your seat. Your skin was starting to feel cold in some areas, but the back of your neck was tingling with prickles of heat. As you did, your eyes finally met the others at the other end of the room. You were almost half gone so you couldn’t fully process what you were seeing, but you were still alive enough to get an inkling of the situation outside. Mark, Haechan, and Renjun were pressed against the glass, their faces contorted with pain as they stared at you in horror. Behind them, barely visible, were Jaemin, Jisung, and Chenle. Your sight had started going blurry at the edges, but you thought you saw them try to hold back someone.

Jeno.

“Don’t they all look worried, dear?” Miyoung’s voice registered slowly as you heard her speak over the speaker in the room again. “Too bad they can’t do anything to save you. This room is designed to hold their abilities back, unless they do something extra special. You think you can take one more to give them the extra push, love?”

You couldn’t react, your eyes closing instead from the excruciating pain and exhaustion that lingered in your veins. Beside you, you heard the slight humming of the machine again as the lady in the lab coat tried to power it back.

“Give her another shot. Put it in maximum intensity this time.”

There was a slight pause.

“Ma’m, are you sure? That would be double of the last two.”

“You heard me.”

“But this machine isn’t designed for average humans—”

“Just do what I say.”

You would have steeled yourself after you heard that, but your consciousness was already leaving your body for you to manage. Slowly, you opened your eyes and stared at the light hanging above your head. You felt almost detached as you listened numbly at the beeping countdown of the torture machine in the room.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

And that’s when you heard it.

If the pain was excruciating earlier, then it has definitely gone beyond comprehension now as the shock sank its electric jaws on you once more. Your sense of sight had started to shut down too, your vision turning black for seconds even with your eyes wide open. It was painful… so painful that you wanted nothing more for it to end. You wanted it to stop. You wanted death.

A deafening boom filled the room, dull enough to assault your ears but still loud to make you realize that something else was happening. As soon as it came, the pain assaulting you stopped, only for your senses to focus on some manic screaming going on around you. Blindly, you tried to lift your head to see what was happening.

You have somehow managed to throw yourself on the floor, your body half a foot away from the seat you were once strapped on. Covering you like a dome was a semi-opaque shield that buzzed and ebbed like waves. It was the same one that Jisung created to protect you back at the arena, but this one seemed thicker and crackling with more energy. Before you could even fully take that in, another shrill scream tore your attention away. Your eyes widened with shock at what you saw beyond your safe field.

Except for the area you were currently slumped on, the rest of the room looked torn apart with cracks from the ground up to the ceiling. The glass wall that separated you from the other side is now gone and loose wiring and broken glasses dripped from the ceiling above. Those things, unfortunately, were not the worst of it. When your eyes finally scanned your immediate surroundings, you felt a sob of fear forcefully torn out of you.

The warden from earlier was screaming at the top of his lungs, his eyes wide and mouth gaping. Half of his face was black and burned and one of his arms seemed to be covered with blood. You watched with horror as he reached out his other arm towards you, but before you could even flinch, a black towering form rose from the ground behind him like smoke. It moved with targeted intention as it loomed over the man now and took hold of half of his body. The figure was human-like, but instead of a defined structure, its towering height seemed to be made of shadows, with yellow glowing eyes on top of its head. You were petrified. The man in front of you screamed and clawed at the floor, looking half-mad with terror.

“He–Help me—!”

You didn’t even realize that your screams had mingled with his at what you witnessed next. The shadow monster pulled at the warden’s legs before melting into the ground again in a blur of darkness. A sickening wet sound followed after as the man’s body was dragged deep under, leaving nothing but a trail of blood and flesh on his wake as he was sucked into oblivion. Beside the spot he just disappeared on was another blob of guts… and a blue lab coat stained with blood.

The next few seconds that followed felt too much for you to grasp. Blindly, you turned your head to the side and found the rest of the boys staring at the wreckage in front of them. Standing in the middle, his eyes glowing with the same black the shadow monster was made of… was Jeno.

You started losing consciousness when he turned his head towards you. Before you finally succumbed to the shock, you heard Miyoung’s voice again from the broken speaker in the room. It made her tone break in places, making her sound even more mad with glee as she spoke.

“Finally… It’s nice to meet you..."

"Master of the Death Arcana.”

CHAPTER 12

*******

A/N: Can I just say... Writing this took out a lot from me lmao. 

Taglist [OPEN]:  @negincho, @jhornytrash, @aaasteroidsky, @huangberryyy, @marijmin, @ashkuuuu, @reluctantserpent-101, @huskyhunny, @domojoo, @anaveragefangirl, @lostlovesoul11, @dreamisfelix, @lomlwoo, @coconuttiez8d, @jaehyunenthusiastsworld, @shininginthemoonlight, @bettyschwallocksyee, @w3bqrl, @smolpeyy, @chenlejjang, @kunssouschef, @thesunsfullmoon, @kpopstanforlifeuwu, @chokopocky, @azzygongez, @tito-the-mermaid, @jakeshuneybby, @yutacchin, @baehaechannie, @thefoxsleeps, @caspervoid, @yongboksfreckles, @meiinumaki

[1kook]

BORN SINNER III

→ MASTERLIST

summary; Regardless of whether you are a liar or not, that didn’t make it okay for Jungkook to lie to you. warnings; virgin jungkook, timid jungkook, church boy jk, a LOT of religious themes/discussion, catholic guilt, fear of sinning, mentions of masturbation, heavy doubts, a little paranoia/fear of being outcasted, jk has a crush, confessions, making out, boob lover jk has his boobs touched, groping/petting, light praise, very brief/light choking, jk is horny like 75% of the time, positive character development <3 rating; m (18+) wc; 9.5k

banner; as always, by @jamaisjoons​ !! ty ty ty!! <3333

notes; i have to apologize for delaying this update for so long. truth is, it was difficult to write the next part bc i felt like i had trapped myself in pt2-- jk wasn't showing ANY progress & i started to really hate his character. LUCKILY, with the help of my amazing editor n wife @kigurumu​ *audience cheers* i was able to put him back on the right track towards redemption! (& even more painful angst in the future!) sadly, that means that this part doesn't include any explicit smut, you'll see why. still, I'm very proud of how much i was able to build his character in this part and i hope you enjoy it!!! lemme know what u think <3

in the future, i will try my best to make sure the chapters aren’t so spaced out. again, i am so so sorry about taking so long to update this series

He gets your text the following Tuesday morning. 

Now, Jungkook has never been one to be overly invested in his cell phone; he uses it as much as he needs to, just checks his emails, takes some photos, and sends texts when necessary. But you had set up a particularly unique ringtone for yourself the other day, had sweetly asked for his phone as he laid against your chest. His skin had felt warm and the slightest bit sweaty, his body pressed so closely against you that he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began. “Did you have fun?” you asked, fingers combing back his hair. He had hummed, eyes fluttering shut to the faint tapping of your fingers across the keyboard. If he closes his eyes, he can still remember the soft beating of your heart beneath his ear, the leg you had hooked around his waist to pull him closer. The memory makes him shiver. 

It’s a high-pitched bell sound that alerts him of your messages now, completely unlike the classic default tone he had set for everyone else. 

From the other side of his room, Jungkook immediately pauses to look at it, the lit up screen glaring back at him from its idle place on his bedside table. He always leaves it there in the mornings, beside his rosary and the picture of his family, as he gets ready for work. 

He knows exactly who it’s from— after all, that’s what you wanted when you stylized your ringtone —which is why his hand trembles in excitement as he unlocks his phone. 

[❤️]: picnic tomorrow? 🥰

[❤️]: after my last class of course

Jungkook’s first thought is that this was a date, his first one with you since he had met you. His heartbeat hammers at the thought, at the mere suggestion that the two of you would be able to spend more time together this week outside of your usual weekend… acts. Additionally, if you’re asking him on a date, then surely it means you view Jungkook as a potential suitor, just as he does you? Do you want to maybe date Jungkook? Jungkook certainly wants to date you— in fact, if he starts gathering his courage now, he might be able to properly ask you out tomorrow. 

Jungkook’s second thought is of that guilty, gross feeling that’s been gnawing at his insides for three days now, and how it was inevitably going to get worse when he saw you again. 

He had lied to you, Jungkook recalls, sinking down against his mattress, shirt half buttoned, as he stares at the screen. He had lied to your face during a critical moment, had felt that seed of doubt in his chest blossom more than ever. And not only had Jungkook lied to you, but he had lied to you about his feelings toward you. How could he ever hope to hold you close, to date you, when he couldn’t even be honest with you?

The memory of your curious gaze presents itself at the forefront of his mind, the soft sound of your laughter ringing in his ears. 

You had been so sweet to him despite his blunder, had cupped his face and kissed him on the lips when he dropped you off outside your apartment. “Not today,” you crooned, unbuckling yourself as Jungkook’s eyes trailed over your throat— ignoring your cross —and down your chest. “I have schoolwork to catch up on. But soon, okay?” Another sweet peck had left him trailing after your touch, your finger bopping the tip of his nose playfully. “Call me when you get home.”

And because he was so terribly, irrevocably smitten with you, Jungkook had done as you said and called you. He’d called you and then had whimpered against his sheets as you generously talked him through another sinful deed. You had softly sighed his name over the line, told him he was handsome and that you missed him. That you wanted him in your mouth—

And of course, he had felt… something afterwards. 

This is where his dilemma begins: Jungkook had felt something afterwards, and he’s not sure if it had been entirely good or bad. The longer Jungkook stays around you, hangs out with you, does things with you— the more he can feel parts inside of himself change. Because after the phone call, Jungkook had felt two distinct emotions within himself, both of which were up for questioning. 

First, there was that one feeling he was becoming all too familiar with, the crushing guilt that would consume him following any sexual interaction with you or himself for that matter. Why was he like this? Why did he indulge himself in such heinous pleasures when he knew, knew better than anyone, what committing such acts meant for the future of his soul? He was practically dooming himself the way he was now, but Jungkook just didn’t understand— why did something so bad feel so good?

But alongside that gnawing guilt was this tiny, weirdly pleasant satisfaction, a gratification that superseded the relief felt by an orgasm. It was this oddly serene feeling that settled over Jungkook in the moments following a climax, the soft brush of your hands through his hair, the low lilt of your voice. They made him feel like he was floating on the softest of clouds, kissed and pampered by its wispy tendrils. It made something inside of Jungkook feel different, new. Good. 

(In the back of his mind, Jungkook realizes he’s always felt that way. At the height of his pleasure, at the faintest brush of your hands against his. It was a staple of your presence, one that made Jungkook feel like he was walking on air.)

From whatever angle he looked at it, it just didn’t make sense. They were contrasting emotions; while one made him feel godawful, the other one practically made him transcend. The fact they could coincide, exist all at once, had Jungkook’s brain folding in on itself as he tried to figure out why. They kept him up the last few nights, eyes blankly staring up at his ceiling following his evening prayers. Mulling over everything he’s ever learned and been told, always circling it back to your beautiful presence in his life. 

He knows sex in itself is not bad— after all, that was how the beautiful process of life came to be —but years upon years of studying his religion, cultivating his faith, had all led him to the same conclusion: premarital sex was wrong. And for the past few weeks, well. That’s all Jungkook had been doing with you. 

It seems like every time you meet, you’re dead set on pleasuring him, turning Jungkook into a shivering, teary-eyed mess while you grinned from above. That confused him too— as far as Jungkook knew, the whole point of sex was to chase after your own pleasure, something you admittedly did not do. It was always Jungkook’s pleasure, Jungkook’s enjoyment that you wanted, covering him in languid kisses and long caresses until he was inevitably shooting his hot cum all over your lap and into your hands. 

You had told him it was okay, that he should never feel bad for enjoying himself. But, to return back to his original dilemma, he doesn’t quite know if he can trust your word. 

You’re a liar, that much Jungkook can look past his rose-tinted glasses to admit. While you may not have lied to him (or at least, Jungkook wants to believe you haven’t), the fact still stands that you are quite willing to deceive others in order to get what you want. He already knows you aren’t the biggest believer of the Church yourself, that you frequently brush off your religious duties in order to fulfill your own desires— the aforementioned sexual cravings probably the biggest one —so, quite frankly, Jungkook is untrusting of the rest of your practices. Were you lying to him, telling him all was well, just for your own benefit? Just because you wanted to drag him along on your lustful adventures? He wasn’t sure, and as much as he wanted to trust you wouldn’t, there’s a shred of doubt that plagues him. 

But still. 

Regardless of whether you are a liar or not, that didn’t make it okay for Jungkook to lie to you.

He taps his phone against his chin, brain a frenzied mess. 

If Jungkook really wanted to pursue this relationship with you, he needed to be honest with himself and with you. Did it bother him that you were so flippant with the Church, the one he himself feels so devoted to? Yes and no. Jungkook has never been one to impress his beliefs on others, and truthfully, he would not be the slightest bit bothered if you don’t believe in the same things he does. Would there be some awkwardness in your relationship? Certainly, but at least Jungkook would know the real you from the very beginning. 

But to him, posing as an avid follower when you really aren’t rubs part of him the wrong way. He’s slightly put off by that aspect of you, and justifiably felt that anyone would feel such a way if someone were to use something they love as mere leverage for their own personal gain. And to make matters worse, now that he’s been made aware, it weighs down heavily on his conscience. 

Part of Jungkook, as selfish as it may be, wishes you had never revealed your secrets to him. He may have been left in the dark a total fool, but at the very least he would have been a happy fool. Would he still feel guilt about all the sexual deeds he’s partaken in with you? Sure, but at least he would only have himself to blame. The way things are now, he’s unsure who really needs to be condemned. 

Realistically, it is Jungkook’s fault. He knows how you are and even more, he knows you would never proposition him for any such sexual deed if he told you no, if he simply denied you. But he doesn’t tell you no, and that’s the problem: Jungkook really likes you as you are now, questionable behavior be damned. He likes you when you make him cry and when you pinch his cheeks and when you snake your hand down his pants. 

He still thinks you’re amazing, gets this fluttery feeling when you look at him with that sparkling gaze of yours. Your laughter makes him smile, even if you’re not laughing at something he said, because the sound is just so comforting, warm and soothing, makes his entire body relax when you chuckle. You have this gentle touch, these delicate hands that carefully comb his hair back for him in the car sometimes, tracing the side of his face softly. Your smile makes him dizzy, makes him want to cup your face in his hands and kiss you breathless. And, of course, he can’t complain about your… other talents when he’s only been on the beneficial receiving end of said talents. That aforementioned satisfaction, as small as it may be and as difficult as it was to admit to, was something Jungkook has begun to look forward to on the occasions that you meet. 

But his inability to overlook his own beliefs and your confusing nature brings about a great strife within Jungkook. It’s the reason he hesitates outside the church after dropping you off, his car running as he glares at his steering wheel. Everything in him says to go inside and confess to his sins, relieve himself of this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame to the closest person to his Lord. 

But he’s scared. 

Scared that, despite the oath of confidentiality, word will get out. His fellow brothers in faith will hear about what he’s done and call him out for his lecherousness. But even worse, he’s scared of what will happen to you. Would Jungkook’s life be over if he were thrown out of his beloved church? As dramatic as he may be, no. But he recognized that there were different standards to which men were held in this society, that an act of desire by him would not ruin his name the same way it would you. 

And Jungkook didn’t want that. He wanted to keep you safe. Wanted you to be happy and smiling, regardless of how conflicted it made him, because he likes you. He likes you so much, despite the fact he has yet to uncover the true extent of your character. 

But the cloud of mystery is partially what intrigues him, has him pondering over your very existence instead of getting ready for work as he is now. He’s terribly enamored, thinks about you and prays for you every night. So maybe Jungkook is still the fool, because he still daydreams about you when he knows he shouldn’t. 

His phone buzzes in his hand—

[❤️]: i miss you bunny ☹️

—and his decision is made. 

Tuesday passes by in a blur and before he knows it, it’s Wednesday afternoon and you’re texting him the location of one of the parks in the city. You had told him not to worry about the food because you would bring it. Jungkook’s only job was bringing the picnic blanket, a huge checkered thing he had spent all morning rifling through three stores for. He wants to impress you, desperately so, that he’s even wearing a nicer outfit today, darker tones unlike his normal warm palette because he had heard a woman at his job say men look cooler in dark colors. 

Suffice to say, he sticks out like a sore thumb at the park, the stark black of his jeans contrasting with the vibrant green of the neatly cut grass. Jungkook has half the mind to feel self-conscious about it, but then you’re calling his name from a couple meters away and his breath leaves his lungs. 

“Hi,” you greet, the handle of your wicker basket held tightly between two hands; Jungkook rushes to relieve you of the weight. “Did you wait long?” you ask, rewarding his gentlemanly behavior with a chaste kiss against the corner of his mouth that kick-starts his heart back into action and has his face burning up. 

In all honesty, you have never dressed very modestly— not that you had to, nor that there was anything remotely wrong with that. Jungkook has spent many a mass service fighting the urge to glance down the front of your dresses and tops, ignoring the cleavage you liked to show off now and then. But apparently, what Jungkook had seen up until now was your version of dressing modestly. The dress you show up with today, an off day where there are no church ladies to impress and no unspoken dress codes to follow, makes his brain short circuit. The thin, thin, straps that hold it up giving him an all access view to the broad expanse of your shoulders and chest and collarbones and boobs—

“No!” Jungkook rushes to reassure you, fighting down the blush that threatens to travel further down his neck when you carefully straighten out the collar of his shirt for him. “I- I, um, just got here.” 

You beam at the news. “I bought cheesecake,” you tell him, looping your arm through his as you tug him along. “I hope it hasn’t melted yet!”

By the time the two of you settle at a suitable spot near the lake, the cheesecake hasn’t melted. It’s still cold and solid, tastes like heaven on Jungkook’s tongue, and you laugh when his eyes light up. You look gorgeous like this, nestled against the checkered picnic blanket with a glass bottle of sparkling water in your hand, sandals just beside the edge of the blanket. There’s the faint chime of a bicycle bell somewhere to his left and the chatter of birds as they flock over the pond. Wonderful sights that would normally take his breath away and make him marvel at their beauty, but when you smile at him so gingerly like that, all Jungkook can think about is you. 

He watches you slip a strawberry past your lips. “Tell me about yourself,” you hum, seemingly out of the blue, wiping the corner of your mouth with one careful finger. “Other than, like, church stuff,” you tease. 

As you lean forward for another one, Jungkook’s brain stutters for a moment, eyes focused on the curves of your boobs as they naturally follow the movements of your upper body until he’s dizzy. “Huh?” he says, and you snort. “Oh— me, right, yes um—“

“Your favorite color?” you suggest, tugging the skirt of your dress tighter around your legs. It’s not cold, but there’s a slight breeze that keeps rolling over the two of you, pushing your floral scent over Jungkook and fluttering through his hair. “Right now, all I know is that you like cheesecake because you ate three slices at the bazaar the other week,” you chuckle.

It’s such a basic question, the bare minimum of knowing a person. But when you look at Jungkook like that, blinking those long lashes at him, it makes him forget his answer. “Um… Red,” he murmurs, watching you tug off the stem of the strawberry in your hands. “And white.”

You nod, and then you’re stretching a hand outward to offer him the aforementioned strawberry. When he doesn’t open his mouth right away, you silently demonstrate first, until Jungkook is slowly parting his lips and accepting your strawberry. The flavor bursts on his tongue, sweet and sticky, coating the very tips of your fingers when you don’t pull away fast enough. Jungkook averts his gaze when you pop them between your own lips and suck them clean. 

“Red and white,” you repeat, unaware of the lustful images that flicker through Jungkook’s mind, the way his eyes unconsciously drop to the front of your dress, at the crevice between your breasts that he remembers oh so well, the tight suction around his cock as you— “They make pink, which is my favorite color.” He desperately clears his mind of the memories that flash before his eyes. 

It’s a pretty color, fit for a pretty girl. Jungkook keeps the thought to himself as he watches you sift through the contents of your basket. It’s the perfect compliment to give you, he knows it’d make you happy, but his valor disappears when you throw him a soft grin and he’s transported back to a more recent memory, the memory in the car instead. 

A bad influence, he had called you, had watched your eyes well up with an emotion he had never seen on you before. Sadness? Disappointment? Disgust? He wasn’t sure, all Jungkook could really remember was the acidity on your tongue when you had repeated the words back to him, the ghost of your touch when you had abruptly pulled away from him, shut him out. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you so closed off before, not even when he had first met you and you were parading around with that staged shyness. 

And even when Jungkook had corrected himself afterwards (read: lied to you to cover his tracks), the emotion had lingered. Even when you had playfully brushed him off, he had caught your reflection in the window beside you as he drove to your place. The sullen look on your normally happy face, lips down-turned, eyes lowered. A look he had put there. 

And now he’s watching you carefully rip apart bread to throw at the birds with a tender smile. A cloud moves and suddenly the sun is beating down on your little picnic again, casting a beautiful glow across your skin that renders him breathless for the shortest moment, trapped by the sheer beauty you exude. You’re absolutely ethereal, and yet he had questioned you. Your morals, your character, everything. 

“__?” he says before he can stop himself. 

You hum, “yes, bunny?” before pausing your little feeding task to glance back over at him. When you look at Jungkook like this, meet his gaze straight on, he doesn’t see an ounce of ingenuity in your eyes. It might be Jungkook’s lovesick heart speaking, but he can’t imagine you ever lying to him. He looks away first, frowning at the various fruits sprawled between the two of you. 

You care about him, that much Jungkook wants to believe. And his beliefs are confirmed, when your voice drops an octave lower, becomes softer, as you murmur, “is everything alright?” The fruits are carefully set aside, breaking the wall between the two of you until you can shuffle forward, your knees bumping against his. Hands reach for his, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against his skin. 

Before you can repeat your inquiry a second time, Jungkook finds himself asking, “do you like me?” 

Jungkook’s sudden inquiry makes your cheeks heat up just the slightest, your startled inhale barely contained. 

It’s like a scene straight out of a teenage romcom— a confession in a park, your hearts bared for each other. But it’s a little awkward, you have to admit, unintentionally giving Jungkook’s soft hand a nervous squeeze as his question rolls over in your mind. 

Duh, you want to say. But there’s something about the look in Jungkook’s eye— the eyes he very purposefully turns towards your hands, the hair he had let loose today providing him ample protection from your gaze —that has you pausing, carefully considering your next words. 

You had hoped by now that it was obvious, that Jungkook understood how much he meant to you, and didn’t require some dorky confession in the park. Partially because, well. This wasn’t your usual role. Usually, it was the guy confessing to you, raving about all your redeeming qualities in an effort to win you over. But with Jungkook, all you know about relationships is flipped upside down, forcing you to play a position you’ve never played before. 

Jungkook wasn’t like you; he was soft and sentimental, practically wore his heart on his sleeve for the whole world to see. And it was a massive heart, filled with so much love and adoration for the world around him, that you felt bad when he wore such sullen expressions on his face.

Expressions like the one he has now, lips pressed together tightly as he misreads your silence. He has honest eyes, a dark toffee color that sends tingles down your spine when he looks your way. They glimmer with a sort of innocence for the world, a thin sparkle that makes him look like a prince sometimes. He was devastatingly handsome, and now he was upset. “Um— it’s okay,” he stammers, trying to move the conversation along. But his eyes flicker around nervously, anxiously. Like your silence has left a burn mark on him, painful and delicate to the touch. 

His comment isn’t completely unexpected. How very on-brand for big-hearted Jungkook to try to save you from an uncomfortable interaction, even if it was caused by him. “Um…” he murmurs, “it’s okay. If you don’t, uh. Like me?”

It sounds flimsy, even to you. 

“No, no,” you rush to correct, your ability to speak slowly coming back to you only after the fact. “I do,” you admit, nerves on edge at this rather foreign situation. “I… like you a lot, Jungkook.”

You shouldn’t be surprised by his reaction. Jungkook blinks slowly, like his brain is still processing the information, and then, ever so artfully, goes up in metaphorical flames. “O- Oh,” he stutters, reaching a free hand up to press his knuckles against his face. The rosy hue that had first blossomed over his cheeks has now started crawling down his neck now, up his ears. It’s terribly endearing. “I— um. I didn’t know,” Jungkook rambles, and it’s so cute, so sweet, how a simple confession from you renders him this flustered.

His face emanates a warmth tangible even on your own skin, lips cutely quirking to the side as he fights off a bashful smile and the raging blush your words bring about. It certainly is a sight to see. His hair tickles his eyebrow, swept out of its usually neat style, but it makes him look all the more gorgeous. “Cute,” you chuckle, feeling the slightest bit shy at such a warm response from Jungkook. You sit back, giving him the space he needs, and turn your attention up at the big blue sky instead. “Really? I thought it was obvious,” you hum.

Part of you actually feels really awkward; as you said before, everything is so brand new with him.  With Jungkook, he flips everything around for you, makes you actually admit to your emotions as opposed to simply going along with his. It’s a nice change of pace, as difficult as it may be, and the results are rather… cute as well. (He bites down a smile, but the action makes his normally soft cheeks look more pronounced than usual.) 

“Because, I, um. Me too,” he says, voice wavering. He clears his throat and tries to meet your gaze under his fringe, but doesn’t last more than a second before he’s pointedly glancing at the picnic blanket beneath the two of you. “I’m— I like you too,” he admits, ears tinted a bright red. You figured as much but it was always nice to hear, especially from someone like Jungkook. “A lot.”

“Thanks,” you smile, placing a hand on his thigh. 

His lips pull into a shy smile, aimed at your knees because he can never look you in the eye when you shower him in praise and other gooey, mushy feelings. It’s the same in the car or against your front door— he always manages to give your hand a tight squeeze, maybe even a kiss if he’s feeling brave. But the second you try to tell him you’ve had fun or that you’ll miss him, it’s like all his courage fades away, leaving him a blushing, smiley mess.

He was cute like that. Despite being so kind and caring, it was like Jungkook’s entire being stopped functioning when those types of gestures were aimed at him. So you relished those moments, looked forward to them with a fluttery feeling in your heart that couldn’t be tamed. 

Today, he throws you for a loop. Just as that proud, giddy smile appears, cheeks and ears a pretty pink, it fades away. The excitement from your mutual confessions seems to remind Jungkook of something else, something less warm, that has him quietly mumbling, “I’m sorry.” 

It’s confusing, to say the least. Just a moment prior, he had been pursing his lips in a silly attempt to hold back a smile. Now he’s staring at the ground with a rather pensive look, his apology sitting heavy in his throat. “What for?” you tentatively ask after one long beat. It had been so sudden. In your mind, there isn’t a single reason for Jungkook to be apologizing to you, especially so out of the blue. There is, however, an inkling of fear brought upon by what can only be classified as insecurity; you had just confessed your feelings for each other, why was he sorry about that? 

Jungkook exhales, a quiet sound that is nearly lost among the bustling noises of the park. If you hadn’t been sitting so close, maybe you wouldn’t have heard it at all. “I just,” he huffs, pointedly glaring at some random spot of grass beside you. His features look sharper than ever now, jawline defined, brows narrowed together. It’s a rather misplaced realization, but Jungkook looks absolutely gorgeous with distress painting his face. “I was… being selfish before.”

In the few weeks you’ve known him, you’ve come to realize Jungkook was many things. First and foremost, he’s an absolute gentleman. Raised on manners and compassion, looking after others everywhere he went. He was caring and sweet, loved this world and the people in it so much. Soft-spoken but straightforward. He was dreamy, disgustingly so. 

But selfish? It definitely sounds like something Jeon Jungkook is not. 

Before you can interrogate him even further, it seems like Jungkook is dead set on getting through this alone. “I- I’m sorry,” he repeats, eyes downcast. Noticing his wavering confidence, you resign yourself to listening, hand giving him a reassuring squeeze. Finally, after a short moment, Jungkook murmurs, “...in the car.” You tilt your head to the side curiously, waiting for him to go on. “I said, um. Something rude.” 

It takes a moment for the memory to load, and when it finally clicks into place and begins rolling, you find yourself muttering a faint, “ah.” 

If it’s what you think it is, he’s talking about last weekend outside of the church. That terribly awkward encounter that had left a sour taste in your mouth afterwards. A bad influence, you recall him saying, the memory of his voice looped in your mind the entire drive to your place. 

In all honesty, it had stung a little. While you were aware that Jungkook had an ongoing mental battle, you hadn’t realized your role was that big in it. It’s the reason you had sent him home that day, made up a lie about schoolwork just to give him some space. It’s nothing new, everyone’s had someone think badly of them before; gossipy classmates, rivals, maybe even random strangers on the street. But it felt different when it was coming from someone as sweet as Jungkook, so polite and righteous, who wouldn’t even hurt a fly. Like he was stating a fact, not an opinion. 

It was a slip-up on Jungkook’s end, that much you could tell. Because he had been frantic to correct himself afterwards, had looked at you with these fearful eyes, like one wrong move and you’d slip from between his hands. Luckily, you weren’t that sensitive— definitely not as sensitive as him, at least —and such a comment had been practically meaningless moments later. 

Still, in those few moments where it was meaningful (read: the short period it took for Jungkook to get home and call you, the words looping around your brain until the harsh ring of your cell phone finally interrupted), it had left you wondering. Have you been pushing him too far, asking for too much? The way you saw it, you always gave Jungkook room to object to any of your advances. You know he’s trapped in his thoughts more often than not, but you pay attention to him, you really do. You make sure to take his reactions into account, try to offer solutions where possible. But, for the briefest moment, all of those efforts had felt fruitless that day in the car. 

What you say next is not a complete lie; sure, Jungkook’s comment had hurt for a bit, but here he was now apologizing for it. That was a good sign… right? “It’s okay,” you brush off, patting his cheek softly, hoping with every fiber in your being that it really was okay.

Your voice is gentle, soothing his doubts. Just moments prior, Jungkook had felt like he was asking for too much, especially when your feelings toward him were up in the air. But your earnest confession soothed the ache in his heart. It’s all he’s wanted these past few months, to belong in your heart like you do his. 

But the guilt from before, the tumultuous feelings he’s been harboring towards you since the weekend, dampens his excitement. From your confession alone, it doesn’t seem like you questioned Jungkook. You weren’t put off by who he was, what he loved. So why couldn’t Jungkook be like you, think like you?

“I’m still sorry,” he says again, feeling like a broken record when he catches this sympathetic smile on your face. The scraps of eloquence he had gathered while originally apologizing seem to fade away, leave him a stuttering mess when he tries again. “That was— I shouldn’t have said—“

“Hey,” you cut off, placing a hand against his cheek. It stops his fidgeting, forces him to meet your gaze head on. There’s a smile on your face but something inside of Jungkook says it doesn’t feel real. “I like you, Jungkook.” 

And it’s true and genuine, your words so honest it pains him to think he had ever thought otherwise. And you’re still smiling, even after being hit with the implication that Jungkook questioned your character and maybe that’s what hurts the most. That you still try to put on an easygoing expression for him after he’s said something hurtful. It’s the car all over again, that blank look in your eyes when he had spoken carelessly. 

Before he can apologize for the umpteenth time, you’re shaking your head softly, smiling anew. But this time, he can’t tell if it’s real or not. “I brought orange juice,” you say, expertly moving the conversation along. And just as Jungkook has been thinking for weeks now, it’s like you know him so well. You know when things make him anxious or uncomfortable, know just how to help him out. 

There’s a feeling of guilt that blossoms in his chest, but this time it’s different. 

It’s not the usual sticky gross feeling of before, the one that has him staying up at night repenting for all his wrongdoings. It’s a personal kind of guilt that comes along with the frank realization that, while you have been learning and adapting to being around Jungkook, he has not been doing the same for you. 

Though you may be a little playful at times, you don’t tease him for who he is, don’t stomp all over his beliefs as much as he deluded himself into thinking you do. (That whole, faux-believer thing was a different circumstance.) Like with the cross in his house the other day. As much as Jungkook wanted to believe what you had done was evil, he had, quite honestly, enjoyed himself afterwards. There wasn’t that heavy discomfort sitting on his chest anymore, that sense of shame lingering as you’d kissed his body and let him caress yours too, in the safety of your eyes only. It was enjoyable and fun, had felt exhilarating to be so intimate with you. 

And instead of being thankful for your mindful efforts, he had questioned your sincerity. 

The picnic goes by in a flash. Jungkook is sad he can’t enjoy it to the fullest, his brain filled with clamorous thoughts that circled around to torture him every few minutes. Still, the entire date feels like a dream, vibrant and beautiful, leaving him in a daze. He doesn’t want to wake up. 

By the time you suggest wrapping up, the sun is setting over the horizon, the windows and lights of the buildings around you slowly flickering to life like a sea of tiny stars. He feels weak in the knees as he helps you pack everything back in your basket. “All set,” you smile, walking beside him, knuckles brushing against his until you fulfill Jungkook’s wordless wish and slip your hand into his. 

Jungkook agrees, hoping his hand isn’t sweaty and that you mean what you say. “I- I liked the food,” he remembers to mention, the fact that you had so carefully and lovingly prepared all this not entirely lost on him. His compliment, as simple as it may be, has you beaming at him as you exit through the park’s front gates. His car is parked along the street, the sleek vehicle coming into view as you round the street corner, hands still fastened. “Um,” he mumbles, pausing beside it. You turn to face him, eyes clear and content. 

All good things come to an end, he supposes, reluctantly letting go of your hand when you tug. “I’ll see you soon, okay?” you say, stepping up close, chest pressed against his. His breath hitched in his throat, eyes going wide when you nuzzle against his neck. Your hands slip around his waist. They wrap around him perfectly, make Jungkook feel like he was made for you. 

By the time he’s springing into action, jerkily raising his free hand up to your back, you’re stepping away. “Call me when you get home,” you wink, sending shivers down his spine when he remembers what happened the last time you said that. 

But Jungkook doesn’t think he can wait that long. 

You’re slipping further and further away, fingertips just barely brushing against his forearm, when Jungkook jolts into action. “How are you, um—“ he stammers, feels too big for his shoes when you tilt your head curiously. And then, “d- do you need a ride?” he mumbles, cheeks warm. 

It’s a feeble attempt at asking what he really wants. Offering you a ride home, while not a bad idea considering it was late and you had taken the bus here, is nowhere near what Jungkook really wants. What he wants is standing before him, thin spaghetti strap slipping down their shoulder, eyes sensually half-lidded and you know this too— because, again, you know Jungkook so well, know what he wants even if he can’t say it —as you step into his bubble again, peer up at him with your arms held behind your back. 

“A ride home?” you ask, blinking your long lashes in a way that robs him of his breath. And he can see that switch flick on inside of you, watches that pure and innocent gleam in your eyes slowly become replaced with something mischievous. Jungkook nods dumbly. “I’d love that.”

Jungkook blinks. “Great,” he chokes out, neatly dropping the wicker basket in his hands. In a way, it brings him back down to reality, lets him snap away from your hypnotizing gaze as he reaches for the keys in his pocket. “Let me— I just have to— yeah,” he stammers, clicking the button on his car keys one too many times, has it perkily beeping. Your lips press together into an amused smile, the last thing Jungkook sees before ripping himself away from you and yanking the back door open. 

He nearly throws the basket in like a madman, glassware be damned. It’s his last shred of rationality that tells him not to, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on edge as he steps up to the edge of the sidewalk and carefully places it on the floor behind the passenger’s seat. 

When Jungkook rises back up, there is a hand that brushes against his forearm, a gentle touch that has him throwing a curious glance your way. He’s not expecting to be so entranced by the dreamy look in your eyes, feet glued to the ground as you trail your hand down, catching his wrist between your fingers. You’re standing so close, making Jungkook feel like he’s trapped between you and his own car. His entire body is on edge when you lean in, placing a soft kiss against the very corner of his mouth. It leaves a tingling sensation, and accompanied with the growing warmth beneath his skin, feels like he’s been burned. “I had fun,” you murmur, voice low. It sends a shock of electricity down his spine, a wave of exhilaration that has him fully turning to face you as you eventually step away, that same playful grin on your features again. 

A surge of confidence and greed overcomes him, has him stepping forward into your space despite the nervousness that builds within him. There’s a hint of surprise in your eyes that you quickly mask, placating his bumbling nerves with a delicate hand placed over his heart. He can’t breathe when you lean in, softly humming, “kiss me?” 

Jungkook’s lower lip wobbles. “O- Okay,” he concedes, voice but an airy whisper that is soon swallowed up. You taste like fruit and orange juice, remnants of your picnic clinging to your lips as you slowly consume Jungkook’s entire attention with this soft brush alone. It’s a rather short affair, one that ends all too soon when you pull away with a soft sigh against his lips. 

Your smile is so pretty when you angle it at him, has him taking one jerky step backwards. His back hits the car, feels trapped. But he isn’t scared, doesn’t find himself anxiously awaiting your next move. “Good boy,” you purr, reaching one graceful hand forward, playfully tugging at his tie, wrapping it around your knuckles as you use it as leverage to pull him close again. 

You’re just so pretty, Jungkook has always thought so. From the moment he first met you until now, there is something about you—a glint in your eyes, a quirk to your lips—that has had him under your spell for weeks now. 

Had Jungkook seriously despised you and your ethics, perhaps this feeling would have gone away. But the fact of the matter is that you make Jungkook’s heart hammer dangerously in his chest, a shot of adrenaline through his veins when you look at him with those low-lidded eyes, touch him with those experienced hands. He wants you so bad, even after all he’s learned, all he’s seen. He wants you over him and under him, pressed against him from head to toe. He wants and he wants, and he knows it’s bad to want so much, to be so greedy. But with you around, Jungkook finds himself giving into that greed, clutching at it like a lifeline. “We can, um—,” he stammers, placing one uncertain hand against the top of the door frame beside him. You raise your brows, egging him on yet patiently waiting all at once. 

Your gaze is so strong, and it’s in moments like these that Jungkook feels that feeling crawl up his throat. A serpentine gaze, a sticky sweet tongue. Everything he’s ever known says it’s wrong, but his heart and your confession says otherwise. He looks away, throws a bashful glance at the plush leather seats behind him. “In… inside?”  

And the offer has you positively beaming before him, that same flirtatious shimmer in your irises doubling at the words that roll off his tongue. “Oh my,” you swoon playfully, stepping back to, Jungkook assumes, allow him to get in. 

He plops down, feels like he would break out in a sweat if the evening temperature wasn’t so cool. The car’s interior blends into the shadows, his clothing practically indiscernible against the dark shade of the seats. A stark contrast to the pretty floral dress that suddenly spills itself over his lap when you climb in, the door tugged shut beside the two of you. All is silent, your thighs over his, hands on his shoulders. “Hi, bunny,” you murmur, lips pulled into a smirk, provocative yet playful, like you know something that Jungkook doesn’t. 

Jungkook’s throat feels dry but he still manages to gulp. He’s drowning in your perfume and your body lotion, in the faint smell of the outdoors clinging to your clothes and your hair, the absolutely heavenly scent of just you in your entirety. “Hi,” he whispers back, voice lost beneath the thundering of his heartbeat in his ears. And his quiet greeting is rewarded with two soft hands that crawl up his neck, cupping his face in their palms. 

“You were so sweet today,” you purr, nose nudging against his when you finally lean in, pressing your breasts against Jungkook. A tiny gasp catches in his throat, his hands instinctively going to your waist. “Can I kiss you again?” 

Jungkook has never wanted anything more. “Please,” he exhales, feeling like he’ll explode if you don’t kiss him soon. You take his request in stride, jut your face forward just the slightest bit until your mouth is pressed firmly against his, the movement of your lips a practiced rhythm that he just can’t seem to master. He still tries his best, puckers his lips when he feels it’s right, tilts his head when you urge him with a soft nudge. He tries his best and hopes it’s enough. 

By now, Jungkook has come to understand that there is a pattern to your kisses. You always start off slow and relaxed, mouth languidly moving against his as you lure him across a tightrope of anticipation. They gradually become more intense, pulling out whimpers and sighs from Jungkook that he had never known were possible. It’s a carefully crafted art form, the tongue that slides out from between your pillowy lips, dips into his own mouth with a giggly pant. “Good boy,” you hum in between, hands burying themselves in the hair at the nape of his neck. “Always so good.”

Jungkook shudders when you eventually part, can’t catch his breath fast enough before you’re reaching for the buttons on the front of his shirt, easily undoing the casual tie too. “Relax,” you tell him, bypassing his lips for the warm expanse of skin just below. You kiss over his chin, down his neck, as your hands crawl beneath his shirt and around his naked waist. 

He’s ticklish, and when you brush against his ribs, he unwillingly releases a sharp huff of laughter. It’s followed by a wide-eyed look of embarrassment, cheeks a warm hue when you lean back in surprise at this new bit of information. “I— sorry,” he blurts out, because he doesn’t know proper make-out etiquette, doesn’t know anything really, except what you’ve shown him. 

But the sound makes you snort, looking at him with this gaze that drips with honey. “So cute,” you tell him, placing a chaste kiss against his lips, before disappearing back down to lavish his throat with filthier kisses. And with you laving your tongue across his skin, biting at every inch available, Jungkook is left to fuzzily stare over the crystal clear windshield. He’s struck with the faint realization that if someone were to look hard enough, they would see him through the tinted glass as he fell apart into the hands of a pretty girl. 

The soft smack of your lips against his skin is sensual, makes every hair on his body stand stiff. Your lips trail down the column of his neck, placing a bruising kiss at the juncture where it meets the rest of his body. “Oh,” he sighs, eyelids fluttering when a hand squeezes at his chest, thumb against his nipple. 

Another muffled giggle pressed against the base of his neck, and when Jungkook focuses his eyes again, he catches his own gaze in the rearview mirror. 

The sight of him is… weird to say the least. 

Even in the dark, his lips look thoroughly debauched, puffier and redder than usual, slick with saliva that isn’t entirely his. He doesn’t tell himself to, but his mirrored counterpart peeks his tongue out, runs it along his top lip sinfully. Startled by his own appearance, Jungkook jolts in place, feeling you shift in his lap with a soft little whine. “Bunny,” you frown, and Jungkook watches your side profile in the tiny mirror as you sit back up, press your lips against his ear. “Sit still for me,” you tell him, hand slithering up his chest, around his throat. Over his Adam’s apple, squeezing just the slightest. It’s not tight, but it knocks the air out of his lungs when he sees the action mirrored back at him on the reflective surface. 

That familiar guilt sticks in his throat, evident when your hand slips away and he swallows harshly, the protrusion just beneath his skin bobbing up and down. 

In the back of Jungkook’s mind, he can recall the religious story that surrounded this bodily feature; a sin and the consequence. A garden and a fruit, a beautiful woman by his side. 

Your hand creeps down between your bodies, palming over his quickly fattening cock, and Jungkook swears he sees stars, a strained whimper escaping from his lips that you giggle at. “Oh my,” he huffs, clutching at the skirt of your dress. You nuzzle close again, pressing a tender kiss against the side of his neck. 

Your hands are so soft and sweet, brushing over his cock like you’re simply caressing him out of adoration and not because you want him to cum, staining his seats and your dress. Either way, Jungkook can’t even begin to imagine what you must be thinking; before the date and his confession, he had been afraid that you would discard him. Maybe Jungkook wasn’t what you wanted, maybe he wasn’t what you needed. You were so confident in yourself and your actions, a stark contrast to Jungkook and his constant uncertainty, his fear of doing the wrong thing plaguing him at all hours of the day. 

Even now, with your hands expertly tugging his zipper down, he finds himself going back to that story. That apple in the garden, the consequences it had hailed. Never mind the fact you’re on top of him, claiming to like him, with your hands touching every inch of his skin. He keeps looping back to that Biblical verse instead, thinks about it when your fingers meanly let the elastic band of his briefs snap against his skin. “Ouch,” he flinches, voice a soft whine. He turns too quickly and too suddenly, nose bumping against yours because you’re still so close. 

You smile, puckering your lips for the lightest of kisses. It’s the little things like that that make Jungkook’s entire thought process stall, distantly aware of the fact that it’s, like always, you leading the majority of your encounters once again. Even during your picnic, it had been you who had practically held his hand as you navigated through basic information, asked for his favorite color and his favorite drink. Had it not been for your own proactive tendencies, Jungkook fears he would have never known your favorite color was pink or your favorite day of the week was Thursday. 

It’s a fact that makes him pause, jaw tightening as he once again realizes how little effort he was putting into knowing you. For someone who claimed to like you a lot, he rarely did the work to prove it. Even now, he’s too unsure of who he is and who you are to indulge you properly, instead watching you lead the scene as usual. Before he can stop himself, a sigh is escaping his lips. 

It must convey his emotions perfectly, because it’s enough to make your wandering hands pause by his waist. “Everything okay?” you ask, always knowing what he’s feeling. And it sucks that he couldn’t say the same for himself. 

“N— Yes,” he rushes to say, looking up at you with round eyes, the moonlight painting half of your face a paler color than usual, the other side shrouded in darkness. It makes your eyes look darker, makes Jungkook gulp loudly when you turn those inquisitive eyes on him. 

His answer doesn’t seem to convince you, and it’s with little to no hesitation that you sit back. It puts a distance between the two of you that Jungkook can’t say he’s a fan of. “Jungkook,” you say, voice stern yet warm, one hand reaching up to brush your knuckles against his cheek. “Tell me what’s bothering you?” 

It makes Jungkook nervous. He knows he thinks too much. Part of him fears that oversharing with you will drive you away, put you even farther than you are now. Maybe next time it’ll be a room’s length away, a football field’s length away. And he doesn’t want that; he wants to hold you close, he really does. But there are traditions he carries and beliefs he holds dearly that make it hard for him to do so, as much as it pains him. 

The only reason he knows he’s frowning is because you press your pointer finger against the corner of his mouth. You lean in close, nose bumping against his. It sends your scent billowing over him, makes him dizzy when he becomes aware of the hand he’s got on your bare thigh, the rumpled skirt of your dress pushed away. “Talk to me, bunny,” you murmur. You don’t make a move to kiss him, a fact that Jungkook feels both grateful and disheartened by. “Please?”

And he can’t deny you, not when you ask so nicely. You have this metaphorical grip on Jungkook, a tight hold around his throat that has made him act impulsively these past few weeks, desperate to be with you, to please you. Even now, despite how much he wants to withhold his thoughts, he finds himself quietly admitting them instead. “I want to know you,” he mumbles, unable to meet your eye. You don’t push him to. “I really, um. I like you, __. A lot.” It’s a repetition of his earlier confession. And still, it makes him nervous. A thumb brushes against his cheekbone, encouraging him to meet your solemn gaze even if it means being a blushing mess afterwards. “Before we, uh, do… things.” 

His words may be choppy and incoherent, but you understand him all the same. “You want to go out some more,” you clarify, removing your hand from his cheek. The phantom trail of your fingertips on his skin remains, feels colder when you lean away to allow him some more space. 

Jungkook nods quickly, hoping this rush of adrenaline might help him through this. He bites down on his lower lip, carefully analyzing your expression for any signs of disbelief or disgust. But all he sees is understanding, a cool expression that makes Jungkook’s heart thunder. “I…,” he says, glancing down at where he’s still got his hand on your naked skin. Something inside of him tells him to rub his thumb across it, an action he doesn’t think through until he hears a sharp inhale, watches goosebumps rise over the skin. “I’m sorry,” he rushes out, snatching his hand away before he can do something else of a similar sort. “I- I just—“ said hand now waves around wildly beside him “—I really like you, as a, um— uh. A person. And I—“ and this is where he becomes aware of his unbuttoned shirt and the way you’ve got your pretty pussy pressed against his thigh now “—I, um. I want to know me— I mean, you —better? More? Like—“

His embarrassing babbling is cut off with a gentle kiss to his lips. No tongue, no saliva. Just soft lips against his, a delicate hand against his shoulders. When you pull away, Jungkook unconsciously trails after the touch, eyes half-lidded and in a daze when you place a palm on his chest. “I got it,” you say, lips quirking into a tiny smile. “I want to know more about you too, bunny,” you admit, reaching for the front of his shirt. He watches on with flushed cheeks as you slowly button it up for him, finishing it off with a playful tap against the underside of his chin. 

You glance out of the window thoughtfully. Jungkook is suddenly reminded of how pretty you are, your skin practically glimmering under the pale moonlight. It catches on your necklace, a thin chain with a cross on the end. If he focuses his eyes behind you, his own reflection stares back once more. Jungkook’s entire body threatens to lock up tightly, but a single kiss on the cheek from you interrupts the process. “Do you wanna date?” you ask, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

Jungkook can’t agree fast enough. “I— yes,” he gasps, leaning forward too suddenly. It makes you flinch back in surprise, back pressing up against the driver’s seat behind you in surprise. You wouldn’t have fallen or anything, but Jungkook reacts like it was a serious possibility anyway, grasping at your waist and pulling you snug against him, soft thighs sandwiching his tiny waist. “Oh, God,” he frets, immediately moving to release you. 

But you catch him with two arms thrown around his neck, pulling Jungkook close to you for another kiss. Deeper and… meaningful, your satiny lips carefully slotted against his. While it surprises him at first, Jungkook finds himself melting into it soon enough. This was okay, he tells himself, and for the first time in a few weeks, he finds himself believing it. 

It was just kissing— intimate yet appropriate kissing —between two people who were seeing each other. Him, properly seeing you. His heart threatens to burst out of its cage for a second. It’s the first time since he’s met you that he can fully say he hadn’t felt nervous about his actions, hadn’t felt like he was committing some grave sin for chasing after your touch. It was just a kiss, simple and sweet, making both of you smile bashfully when you eventually pull away. There was no lying and no guilt, no tears and no stress. 

It felt good.

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[cinnamonest]

Albedo idol girl darling thoughts M A N I F E S T E D

----------

Well, to be entirely honest, he thinks the whole idol thing is a little dumb.

For someone like him, at least. He's a PhD student in his final semester, lots of work to be done and all that. So, you know, he's a responsible, accomplished adult. Not the kind of person who gets into "that stuff," as he calls it in his head.

Nor does he even know how he encountered it... He just takes the occasional break from work to mindlessly open whatever app first pops into his vision and scroll through the feed. He's never watched anything like it in his life, so he's not exactly sure why he gets recommended some idol girl thing, and even less sure why he taps it without really thinking. Probably one of those videos that gets recommended to everyone. Well, can't be that, it doesn't have that many views... Probably loosely connected to some video game he's searched before or something. He's familiar with idols and what they are, and the subculture surrounding them, but he's never really cared about it.

Honestly, it's kinda pathetic that a bunch of grown adult men get so obsessed over these girls, he thinks as he watches. He's seen the type. Lonely, asocial dudes, most definitely virgins whose only female attention in their entire life is their mother, well into adulthood with no real social group to speak of.

...Not that he's much better off, but he hasn't quite sunk down to their level. The only reason he doesn't talk to people much is because they're busy, and he's even busier. He managed to make a few friends in undergrad years. Well, study partners who mooched off his notes since he was one of the top students, but same idea. They were people he spoke to more than once, which is what constitutes a friend, right? And for the record, one time in high school a girl in his class said she liked his hair. He hasn't changed the way he wears it since. Whenever he's sad, he thinks about that compliment from 10+ years ago, and it makes him feel a little better. But now, he's constantly slammed with work and research.

And his acquaintances are also all busy. He sees notifications every now and then from social media he never checks. Everyone is getting married at this stage in life, both friends and even other PhD students in his department. Not that he's ever been invited to a wedding, he just overhears a lot of conversations, sees notifications of posts. And he will too, eventually. He just has to finish up his degree, and then... Meet a girl. Well, that's actually the second step, step one would be finding out how to go about meeting a girl. He's... Never done it before. Probably does not happen sitting in the research lab at 11:30 pm on YouTube. He's talked to one of the other PhD students who's a girl before. And only stutters sometimes. He was even able to look her in the face while he talked to her once. That's a good start.

Ok, so maybe he is a little bit pathetic, but not as bad as... These guys. Reading the comments of the video actually make him feel a little better about himself, because frankly, they're kinda wild. The worship and fawning over girls is one thing, but they even have timestamps referring to various members like "she's super cute here!" Or "you can kinda see her thigh at 3:12!" Etc etc. Yeesh, creepy. And they get into comment fights over who is the best member, as if it even matters. It's fascinating in a human-social-experiment sort of way, the manifestation of a subculture and how humans interact with each other. On and on it goes, hundreds of commenters. He pays more attention to the comments than the actual video, but the song is kinda catchy in that annoying sort of way, and the girls are cute, just kinda... The typical thing he'd expect from idol groups. But the building will close soon, so he taps back to home screen and swipes the app closed.

Unfortunately, the algorithm remembers.

And he's not certain why he clicks the next one either, the following day. The lunch breaks he takes are usually pretty rushed. Not that he has specific class times at his level of academia, but he likes to get his work done. He intentionally eats either a bit later or earlier than the lunch crowd to avoid crowds and interactions. Finds a nice secluded little table tucked away. So when he opens it back up, what do you know, several more videos get recommended. It's absent minded when he taps on one, the kind of numb-brained entertainment every modern person indulges in, videos you wouldn't really be interested in but just watch because they're there.

Ok, this is really creepy. These dudes have made compilation videos of close ups of each specific girl. It's the same group as the video he saw before, same little lewd costumes. Admittedly the girls are kinda cute. He can kinda understand the appeal. But he's not like those guys, he would never become like, obsessed with them.

The song is actually really catchy. The kind of mindlessly addictive, repetitive pop music that's the same four chords over and over, each song is so similar you can't really tell them apart, but it gets stuck in your head anyway. This group has... nine members. Who needs that many singers in one group? It's not like a band or anything, they all just sing and do their little choreography. Guess that's a form of talent, even though he doesn't really get it.

Some of the groups he sees in recommended videos are cute and wholesome, and while this group is cute too, there's a very... Blatantly intentional lewdness to their poses and costumes. A hypersexualized sort of cuteness. Clearly marketed at lonely losers who have nothing better to do with their time than obsess over a girl who will never even know they exist.

He taps another video.

So many compilations, yikes. He has to give the guys credit, they're insanely loyal to the individual member that they decide to fixate on. Oh, and they even make official figurines and posters for these girls, that's... Something.

And a few days later he can kinda recognize the girls. They have color themes, you know, identical costumes except each girl's is a different color. This lead one is red, this main backup is blue, etc etc. Lots of bright colors. Kinda hurts his eyes to be honest.

And he's seen compilations of every girl except... The pink one. The pink one is always kinda off to the side. Well, these groups do have their favoritism, there's apparently one or two lead singers in all of the major idol groups, and the rest are basically backups and dancers. Still, a lot of dudes get super devoted to the non-main girls. So yeah, he's never seen a compilation for the pink one... He can't always exactly remember which one is which but now he's seen enough to know the other girls' names. He's not sure what hers is though. So he googles it and gets the name.

Wonder why she doesn't have as many videos...? Oh, it's because she's the newest member. Only been around a few months. There's... A whole board dedicated to the group, which he's getting this information from. Wow, pathetic. What kind of person spends their free time browsing a forum for an idol group? Well, he's just doing it to find information, not for fun or anything. He was just curious. Now he knows and he can forget about it and never look at anything related to them again... after he types her name and group name into the YouTube search bar and checks the results out, that is.

Oh, so they do have some compilations for her, just not many. "(Name) thigh compilation." Fuck, these people have no limits to how creepy and pathetic they can get, he thinks... as he watches the video. Ok, admittedly there are some good thigh shots there. There's a comment. "At 4:26 you can see her panties." Pathetic. They're not wrong though. Just to be sure, you see, he tapped the timestamp, and you can, in fact, see them. Stripes. Cute.

But he still has to do his work. Can't get too invested in watching mindless videos all day. He's got a thesis to work on.

That makes him curious, though, he thinks as he goes about his research. Do these girls go to school? Do they like, skip college, or do they join some kind of performing arts school or...? So he googles it. He can remember the pink one's name now, so he just finds her Wikipedia page. Oh, so she joined right out of high school and has been in various groups ever since.

Wait, various groups? So she has more groups she's been in? What are those? Before he typed her name into the search along with the group name, but if he just searches her name he gets... A lot more content from earlier years. Huh. Didn't know some of them did group-hopping like that.

Still, no education. Must be all smiles and body and no brains. Guess that's all you really need. Yeah, looking at that whole act they do... All giggly and childish and lewd... She's probably not too bright. At least she's pretty and sings nice. And the thighs are rather good. Smooth looking. They have a sort of jiggle when she jumps up and down on stage. The thigh highs they make those girls wear have that nice little dip where the skin is compressed by the fabric. Like... right there at that closeup. He takes a screenshot.

It's readily available, he's already seen the video and knows the best parts, whereas searching for porn would take time. The sooner he can get the daily stress relief out of the way the sooner he can work on his thesis. So this way is faster. That's why he's jerking off to the thigh video and not taking the time to look for porn. Plus, it makes him cum faster. Which it probably shouldn't since it's just thighs, but... Probably has something to do with the tease of it all maybe. That makes sense.

Or maybe it's that cute little giggle he can hear at some parts. She smiles and jumps and spins and laughs.

...It makes him wonder what she'd look like crying. Scared. Whimpering. Covered in bruises and bite marks. The contrast between that state and the one on the screen. The process and the things he could do to get her from one to the other. Yeah, he realizes, it's that thought, rather than the happy giggling on video or tease aspect, that makes him cum.

He's aware that his... tastes... are a little on the fucked up side, but hey, there's plenty of bastards out there far worse than him.

One day he discovers she has social media platforms. He... Doesn't really have any. He doesn't have Twitter or Instagram or any of that but... He downloads the app and makes an account for each. Just to follow her. Ooh, they even have the option to get a notification every time she posts... That's good. Otherwise he might check too frequently. He sets a special sound effect for notifications for her socials. The first few times, you see, he would get super excited when his phone went off, only to be disappointed when it was just a work email. Thus, he made the separate sounds.

He wouldn't say he has a favorite, that sounds really cringey you know? He just... Likes her more than the others. ...Dammit, that's what a favorite is. Ok, maybe he has a favorite, that's not that bad. He's not obsessed. He hasn't bought any merchandise at all or anything, especially not member-specific merchandise. Which they do have, because he visited the store page for a while and spent all his willpower physically restraining himself from buying something. It's not that he's biased, he just thinks she's objectively better than the rest of the group. Which can be backed up with evidence, anyone with eyes could tell by watching the performances.

As to what specifically draws him to her... he's not certain, to be honest. Maybe it's because she's the least appreciated out of the group, new and all. The less popular one. Or maybe her personality... She seems so sweet, even though he knows it's probably just an act for the fans. Or maybe just those thighs. That's also a valid possibility.

He cracks and buys some of the merchandise. Only about $300 worth. But honestly, he gets more invested into just printing out pictures of you. Pasting them onto the wall above his desktop. It keeps him going when the nights are hard.

But he refrains from ever commenting on anything. Some of these losers are just... so embarrassing, he can't stomach the thought of being associated, even if it's just an anonymous comment online. It's still pretty... Distasteful. He still browses the boards every day. You're his lock screen now. And home screen. And also your solo is his ringtone. He only sets his phone on sound when he's alone at home, though, when he's at work he puts it on vibrate. He... doesn't want anyone hearing that. No offense. He has some appropriate amount of shame, unlike the other bastards.

And the girls probably know that most of their fans are these kind of loser men, right? She'd probably be surprised someone nearly graduating with a chemistry doctorate is sitting around watching these dumb videos. Is that more or less pathetic? He thinks less, hopefully.

In fact, the other fans kind of irritate him. They're really cringy and annoying and it gives him secondhand embarrassment. And something... Deeper. Something about seeing the comments upsets him on a visceral level. It's gross. Sure, he's grateful for the dudes who sit around and make a list of timestamps for upskirt shots and the like, but... It kinda bothers him, feeling like there's some other dude out there sitting around, watching these long videos with his gross eyes and recording the times of shots that get him off. It feels gross. But more like... A violation against you. Sure, your group is very blatantly sexualized and intentionally risque in clothing but... Still, it feels wrong for someone to go through and get to see all of that.

Well, someone else. It's ok for him, since he's not a gross degenerate like the rest of them. He does genuinely see himself as... Above them. You know how like, back in the day, how the nobles used to sit around and watch plays from the far back while the peasants gathered around the stage? It's like that. He's not a gross loser or a NEET or anything like that. He's got a life. Well... Not a social life, but he's doing better than them, at least he has a degree, and soon a higher degree, and a job. He has a lot of things they don't. Basic hygiene. Student loan debt. And uh... Well, he's probably more pleasant to interact with, at least he's not gonna be frothing at the mouth like an animal if he saw you in real life. He would certainly freeze up, but that's preferable, isn't it?

And one day there's a video circulating in the idol community - not that he's a part of it or anything, he just keeps getting the dumb videos and watching them for mindless entertainment - where some girl group had an attempted kidnapping. Not her group, but some other group. The video has gone viral. Some dude tried to rush the stage and pull one of the girls away. Apparently the cops found he had an obsession with her.

What an idiot. If you're gonna kidnap someone, put some effort in, jeez. It's not hard to figure out how to do it right.

If that were him, he wouldn't be that stupid, he'd just look for an interval where she's alone. They have those solo or breakout group songs where some of the girls are backstage, just get her then. Memorize the concert schedule, wear something over your face, chloroform her, and stuff her into something and walk right out. Easy.

....

He catches himself in the thought and realizes that might have been a bit creepy, but he was just thinking in terms of hypotheticals. If he was the kind of crazy to do that, that's what he'd do, that's all.

He's always enjoyed entertaining strategic thoughts, really. He's had a couple fantasies about how he would commit murders of this or that person before, and he's never murdered anyone, so thoughts don't lead to actions. He just... Really doesn't like those people, and the fantasies help him... Deal with it. He just likes to strategize about methods, and how he'd get away with it... Stuff like that. Actually, he's convinced it's a very normal thing, but no one wants to admit it. Everyone has detailed murder fantasies every now and then.

Which is why this is no different. He's just strategizing because it's fun. He has no intentions of doing anything for real. He just plans out the details like a game. And tells himself to just never think about it again.

Until one specific night that he's staring down at his screen. Lying in bed. He should be asleep, he needs to be up early tomorrow but... He's just checking to be sure he's reading this correctly. You're coming to his town? He wouldn't think so, since it's not too big, just your average college town. But still, you'll be right here, right in his general vicinity, not far away at all.

Not that he'd ever actually go to such an event. No way. He hates crowds with a passion. He hates loud environments even more. A concert is like his worst nightmare. Besides, knowing the general audience of your group, it'll be a bunch of sweaty NEET dudes who haven't showered in a month and haven't crawled out of their house in even longer. No thank you.

But.

That's when the thought pops back up. It's been a few months since that night he had that strategizing fantasy, and, well, he tried to forget it but... It kinda lingered in the back of his mind. And now it's back in full force.

He shrugs the idea off. It's crazy. He'd never actually do something like that. It was just a fantasy.

...But he could get away with it if he wanted to.

He's not scared or anything, no, he's confident in his strategizing. He knows he could. Totally. It's foolproof. There's no need to carry it out to know that, besides, what would he even do with you?

Well, he's pretty certain he does know what he would do with you. He's watched that thigh video maybe a hundred times now. And even if he won't admit it, he's jerked off to the exact same fantasy for like, several months.

He doesn't really... Think about it. Just kind of slips into subconscious actions. Autopilot. One click and well, there goes $400 on an amp case. His eyes gaze over the dimensions... And then there's your height on the Wikipedia page... Yeah... That should work. He gets it sent to the address a few doors down just in case, and snatches it from in front of their door, but he finds himself backpedaling. What the hell is he doing? He would never actually go through with this, what a waste of money... But he still opens it. Sets it beside his front door. Tests the wheels to make sure they work.

He knows how to make chloroform. He doesn't need YouTube tutorials (unlike a certain someone else), he knows exactly how to do it, even alternate methods besides the usual acetone and bleach combination - so long as you end up with the same chemical makeup, it's all the same. He just goes with the traditional way though... Doesn't really know why he does it. Just mutters as he stares down at the concoction wondering why he wasted his time... But he pauses before pouring it down the sink, and instead puts it in a container and keeps it on the counter. Your weight is on Wikipedia too. Taking into account your height and weight you would need about... Yeah, a very specific amount to knock you out for about three hours.

The concert day draws closer and closer and he can't sleep very well. His mind keeps running what-ifs. Just, hypothetically, what if he did go through with it? What then? What would he do long term? How would that all work out?

Well, you'd probably hate him for a while, right? But that changes. Stockholm syndrome sets in. He would know, he had to take Psych 101 back in undergrad, and the professor talked about it for a full 10 minutes, so he's basically an expert. It's been like, 7 years since then, but he still kinda remembers it. He remembers that it's supposed to set in at about 2 weeks, and solidify with time. If the captor is nice, that is, which he totally would be. ...Maybe not in bed, but most of the time. He would be nice to you, and you would start to like him. Besides, they said Stockholm syndrome set in faster if the abductor has good qualities, so, he could also reason with you, remind you that you're lucky you got abducted by someone with money - or, well, he will have money once he graduates! - and isn't some ugly gross slob. He's clean and neat. Sorta... He'll clean up all those dishes that have been sitting there a few days now, pick up all those clothes off the floor... Ok, now he's clean and neat. And, uh, what else would girls care about... He's smart. He's pretty sure he can say that with confidence, if nothing else.

Ok, so, it would work. He could... Keep you kinda... Tied up here... If you started complying within that two week period, he could get you up and walking before atrophy set in. You'd probably have to get used to the lifestyle... Right now he's kinda on a budget, but, he can get you things to keep you occupied... And so, yeah, it could work. It's simple, just keep you with him and isolated for a few weeks and uh, you'll transform into some kind of hypersexual obedient cumslut and never want to leave. That's... How Stockholm syndrome works right? Maybe he should have paid more attention in that class... Oh well. He never liked psychology.

So the day draws nearer and nearer and he starts really getting into the right... Headspace. It's a sort of manic state that he's in. Operating without really thinking, all inhibitions removed by simply refusing to think about it. He lets the subconscious take over and do all these little things to prepare, until finally that day is tomorrow. And then he kinda snaps back to full awareness and questions, again, what the hell is he doing? He can't just... Kidnap a person! Normal people don't do that... It's illegal, he'll get caught, it'll ruin his life and....

What life does he really have to ruin?

That's the thought that sort of solidifies the decision. He realizes why he's even on this path in the first place. Sure he's got a lot of academic accomplishments, but his life is... Rather empty. He doesn't really have anyone. Maybe that's why he's slowly become... Consumed by this obsession that yes, he's now willing to admit to himself is indeed an obsession. It's kinda slowly taken over his everyday life without him even noticing it was happening. He's... Kinda miserable. And very lonely. And... If nothing else... This one girl makes him feel kinda happy.

... Which is why he's going to go through with it.

And he slips back into autopilot, ends up standing outside the building. It's every bit as loud and headache-inducing as he knew it would be. Ugh. He can't wait to get out of here. If this doesn't work, well, he'll be forced to turn around. The plan is a very simple one, actually... Act like he's supposed to be there. And he does. Dresses in all black like stage technicians do, dragging his big amp case behind him, holding a bunch of cords from random things he grabbed in his house, and tries not to look nervous, keeps a neutral face and walks straight forward and... He slides right in. The security guards off to the side don't even bat an eye.

And then he has a moment of "well, I didn't expect to get this far." Pauses. So uh... what now? Well, probably should find you first. He memorized the setlist, so he knows when you'll be off... And alone. Right now there should be three of the girls backstage. It's pretty easy to find where you are, but he's paranoid that the amp case is too loud as he's dragging it around. It's necessary, though. And then, finally, he stumbles upon the room... Opens the door, half expecting to be immediately stopped, but... He can just kinda waltz right in here, some open backroom, a person here or there coming through, a lady that looks like a makeup artist doing something over there, and an actual, real tech guy over there... And over to the far back corner... Oh. That's you. He takes a moment to revel in the sight, unable to move or even breathe, and has to mentally prepare himself before moving forward. He's... Not sure exactly what to do at this point... It's kind of perfect, to be honest, there's no one around you, and you're right out of sight, where he could turn the corner and not be seen. But he's not sure how to... Approach? He thinks about it as he walks, but again, autopilot is on in his brain and he's just numbly walking forward. Does he just... Keep walking until he's right at you and just... Or...?

And a miracle happens. You hear someone coming and you turn and smile and ask are you the tech guy here to fix my mic? You point to the little microphone attached to your face. They told you someone would be coming to fix it before your next song. You presume that's him, since he's dressed in all black like all the other stage techs. He hesitates a moment, wide eyed, but then nods. Yeah, that's him, he says. His voice cracks when he says it. It's kinda cute.

You smile at him. It's wide and sweet and genuine and it almost makes him pass out on the spot. He has to swallow for a second before continuing.

But, uh, he can't do it right here he says, because fiddling with it could disrupt the uh, frequencies, cause that really shrill sound you hear sometimes. So, um, come over this way a sec, over in this dark corner of the studio conveniently out of the view of all people and security cameras. You don't know how any of that stuff works, so you trust him, it's his job after all. So you get up and straighten your little skirt out - wow those are even more revealing in person - and walk over it the dark corner where he's waiting and... it's the last thing you remember.

He does a quick look left and right to ensure no one saw you collapse in his arms, but sure enough, this area is empty. You fit into the amp case with ease. Just curl your body up and pop the lid on. Wait, can you... breathe in there? Well, it won't take long to get outside. He just rolls the case right out the door, right past the guards again, and no one stops him, no one suspects a thing. Puts the case in the backseat, opens the lid, does a quick check go make sure you're breathing alright. So he props it open by keeping a book in between the case and lid as he drives home.

Once he does get home, he just does the same thing he did before - close the lid, roll you into the elevator and up the stairs and into his place, looking back over his shoulder over and over. And once he gets you inside he just kinda... falls to his knees. Shivering. Disbelief. Because holy shit he actually did it. He actually went through with it and it worked. He sits there and stares at the case and - oh, fuck, gotta open it again for you to breathe. Actually, he might as well... take you out... when he first shoved you in, he was so high on adrenaline he didn't really process any of it, but now... he almost can't bring himself to take you out. That means he has to, like, touch you. He's gotta take a moment to mentally prepare for that. So he does. Deep breaths. And finally, with trembling hands, pulls you out, carries you on shakey legs over to the bed and sets you down.

You know, you're a lot... Smaller... Than you looked on screen. Sure, he knew your height and weight but... somehow you still seem so much smaller than he expected. That's good. Will make everything a lot easier, since you're easier to restrain. And your thighs. They're... so soft. This is so much better than the video. They're so... fleshy and warm in person. Perfect. And wow, that skirt thing is... scratchy. Actually, up close, that whole outfit thing you wear looks super uncomfortable. It probably is. ...Well, guess he now has a reason to take it off.

The rest of your skin is... also fleshy and soft. Warm. Your face... chest... stomach... everything. Your tits are really cute, too. It occurs to him that all those rabid commenters on all those boards and videos would probably kill to be him right now, pinching and squeezing at your nipples. He's seeing something they will never see. It gives him an ego boost, to be honest, makes him feel proud to get a sort of one-up on them. He gets you naked, but refrains from pulling your legs apart. He probably... wouldn't be able to control himself, and he's aiming for some self-control right now.

So he waits. Breathes deep. Restrains himself with every ounce of willpower he has. It occurs to him he has no fucking clue what he's gonna say to you. Unfortunately, that thought occurs to him as you're starting to twitch and mumble, so, he doesn't have too much time to think. Oh, fuck, you're not restrained... well, he bought some duct tape and handcuffs and blindfolds off of amazon too, so he quickly puts those in place as you're starting to wake up, and then finally, you come to full consciousness -- that telltale jerking at the restraints, the muffled little cry of confusion and fear. It's kinda hot to be honest. Well, fuck, very hot actually. You're so scared. It gives him a rush of power. Said rush goes straight to his dick.

He's got a mixed twist of guilt and arousal at the whole thing, but... he's still trying to have some self control... and if you start begging and pleading and crying, it would be too much. Oh, no, not that it would be too much in terms of guilt, no no, just that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from fucking you if he sees you cry. So he leaves the restraints on for now, so he can't see your face emote.

Then, he does something really, really mean. He knows it's cruel, honestly, it's just... so cute. What that is, is that he does nothing. Says nothing. He goes about his work, typing away, knowing you can hear, but doesn't say a word. He knows you're awake, he just wants to see how long you can sit there scared out of your mind before you finally make another noise to draw his attention. Right now, he thinks, you're probably debating, you're probably questioning whether you should keep quiet and make him think you're still out or make a noise... but eventually you will. He can see you trembling. You're probably thinking so many horrible things right now, wondering what will happen, what he'll do to you... it fills him with a sort of sadistic glee that overrides the guilt it comes along with. Sure, the guilt is there, but fuck, he could almost cum just watching you shiver, and that's more important.

And you finally make a noise. A little whimper. He stops typing, and swears he sees you tense when he does. And when he stands up, walks over to you (making sure to stomp hard and walk slow for extra effect, watching the way you curl in on yourself with each step he takes), and stops right in front of you. Finally, tells you not to scream. He's gonna give you water, ok? You nod. And, surprisingly, you don't make any move to scream or anything, you let him give it to you. You don't move a muscle besides your shaking and sucking the straw and swallowing the water. You must be really scared of him. He knows that's technically not what he should want, but... it feels nice.

He spent that time of silence coming up with what to say to you. He says that for now, you're going to stay right here. Don't ask questions. Don't make any attempt to escape. If you really need something, tap the headboard until he hears. Understand?

You're... Surprisingly receptive. You give a twitchy smile and stammer out an o-okay. He's almost pleased, but quickly realizes what you're doing.

You've been trained for this, you see. This kind of thing is attempted rather frequently in the industry. You received training for this situation - comply, don't fight, prioritize your safety, because in 99% of these cases, the missing idol is found and recovered within 48 hours. So you do what you were told to do -- smile, pretend you're ok with it, don't do anything to anger your captor.

He knows that too. He doesn't do much in that 48 hours, in fact, he even tells you he's waiting to "see what happens." He knows he can't control himself very well, so he stays in his living room for the most part and works on research, it might be pointless if he's in jail a few hours from now, but oh well. Sleeps on his couch. He offers to feed you, but you say you don't feel good. He understands.

See, in his mind, if he gets to fuck you once or twice and then be hauled off to prison and never touch you again, well, that would be actual, literal torture, so much so that never fucking you at all would be more bearable. So that's why he forces himself to wait now. He feels like he can't breathe, he's so nervous, like any moment police are going to come knocking on his door. Every little sound makes him jump. He can't sleep.

But 48 hours pass and... nothing happens.

He breathes a bit easier. Finally dares to go online, which he's been avoiding, and check on your situation... Oh, wow, social media has exploded over your disappearance. But... They have no leads. Nothing. Says she basically vanished out of thin air. Situation is, quote, "looking hopeless." Huh. He did an even better job than he thought he did. There's videos from loved ones begging the captor to let the girl go, offering to give him money even. A lot of money. But, you're more valuable than any monetary measurements could ever conceive. And he's happy. It really worked out. Everything went right, and for once, he has something that really, really makes him happy.

Likewise, the 48 hours are even more torturous for you. You start out telling yourself it'll be fine. Hopeful. But that hope in your chest slowly, gradually dies out as you realize you've hit the 48-hour mark. Even for a normal missing person, you've always heard that if they don't find them within 48 hours... the chances of ever finding them goes down significantly. But, that's because they're usually dead, right? And this guy won't kill you, so, your chances are better, right...?

He comes back after that 48 hours and finally, for the first time since you woke up, crawls onto the bed, touches you, grabs your hips with his hands. Tells you that, well, they haven't found anything yet and it looks like they aren't going to, so you're officially his now, and he's no longer worried. You should accept it. It'll make things easier for both of you if you do. You'll get adjusted in no time, you'll see.

Unsurprisingly, you're a bit less compliant than you were when you had hope. You whimper and and struggle, but it's really weak. So much so it's cute. You ask who he is. No one important, he says. Just... A fan of yours. You can hear clothes shuffling. He doesn't waste time, he's already waited two whole days suffering, so he gets his dick in you pretty quickly. Manages to make you cum. It horrifies you and kinda surprises him too to be honest. You must kinda like pain, huh. Well, that works out well.

As time goes on, what hope you had left dies completely. Weeks pass. You realize they're not coming for you. In an attempt to get you to accept it, he even shows you that you've been replaced. They're rather quick to fix the absence. They have a new girl in your spot by the end of the month. He quickly realizes maybe he shouldn't have told you, from the way your face falls and you get all hysterical. Sorry. It's the way the industry is. Don't worry. She's not even half as cute as you.

He shows you the announcement when they close the investigation, too. This also earns a rather hysterical response, but he thinks it's important you see it, so you can finally come to terms with your fate, the way things were always meant to turn out. He gets a bit frustrated. Just accept it. It's not that hard. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be. It's for your own good that you accept it.

And you do. Try as you might. You begin to make conversation. He's the only source of interaction you have. You learn about him and his life. You become invested in it. You start to cum more easily. When he's sitting on the opposite side of the bed typing away, you find yourself slowly wiggling your way over and pressing yourself against the warmth, and he certainly doesn't mind. You ask him about his research just to hear a voice talk.

And sometimes you sing. It's absent minded, soft and quiet, when you have nothing else to do. He likes that a lot. You get sweeter. Nicer. Fight less. It does take a bit longer than two weeks to set in fully. But it does in the end.

He can't be with you 24/7, as much as he would like to be, so sometimes he has to tell you to just hang on a little while. Be good and sit still for just a bit. He'll be back soon. Just give him an hour. You're just really distracting and, well, his progress report is due tomorrow morning.

And you keep getting upset over the new member, bring it up a lot... It must have really bothered you, huh. Well, don't feel bad about being replaced. To him, nothing could ever replace you... you're still his favorite.

[vodid]

What draws you to such gentle low contrast art. It’s so unlike so much other art I see online💜

aw thank you so much! 🥺🥺

it mainly stems from my sensitivity to light/high contrast colors, so my computer's brightness is always low and i have clip studio paint's interface settings down to its dark theme, mid density (aka everything's in dark, soft grays). i also set my default canvas color to gray as to not hurt my eyes!

not to say i don't enjoy high contrast art, it's just when you spend hours upon hours of staring at it, it gets to be a bit too much LOL

so where am i going with this? color theory! :)

i taught myself how to match colors, no matter where they are on the color wheel or value scale, to the hue of the piece ...and often, clip studio's interface color influences how dark and gray those pieces end up being! it's entirely subconscious but turned out to be something i LOVE doing!

here are some examples, you can see how well the pieces match the appearance of my program!

to better explain the color theory part, here's a palette using the stock image of prowl and the flats of the middle piece shown above:

on the left, prowl follows a very very light periwinkle palette, while my art usually follows a muted blue palette (the hue in that specific example is more of a dark warm blue, but close to my usual palette)

for highlights/shadows, it's very much worth mentioning how i utilize contrast. pieces that are laid back, calm, neutral, etc. tend to be softer. while more emotional, intense or active pieces are usually a little more high contrast

a great example would be these:

on the left, we have a really calm, domestic piece. on the right, we have an intense action scene. while their palettes are extremely similar, they're used much differently. the left has its most middle value (aka a soft brown) set as the background, while the right uses a color close to the darkest value (a dark dark muted blue)

pieces that don't necessarily have a clear cut focal point tend to be soft like the left while pieces with a very clear one (ie the very first example in this post and the piece on the right) have much brighter colors around the focus, but never too bright as i don't like to overpower the neutrality of the piece!

it's also worth mentioning that in person, the colors look a lot brighter and colorful than what you see on your screen! (especially if it's a phone) not by much, but considering how i see plenty of color/contrast in my art as is, it's very noticeable to me haha

i think by now, you may have noticed one thing: i never use pure white and pure black. this makes my pieces look extra low contrast! even in lineart, i still use a dark gray (you can see in the corner of the screenshots) this is me taking a bit of an impressionist route, since impressionism aims for realistic colors, and pure black is hardly found in nature! (fun fact, claude monet is one of my favorite artists!) this is what truly started it all for me, as i slowly began using a dark gray and even started coloring my lineart (which also adds to that low contrast soft look) i absolutely love it

here's an example

this ended up sounding more like "HOW did your art come to be like this" instead of "why do you like it" but shh tldr it just makes my brain go brrr in a happy way. i hope this answers things :)

[i-like-eyes]

are there certain kirby villains you enjoy more than others, whether it's their lore or design that piques your interest? excluding any of the antagonist -> dream friend characters! would love to hear your thoughts on a few.

Anon holy shit I love villains you have no idea what you enabled

Part of why I love this series so much is because of it's villains, I normally don't love super cutesy stuff and the biggest bad guys make sure that the series doesn't feel overwhelmingly sweet. I don't make as much content for bigger bads because they don't have as much to work with, but I don't think that makes them weak characters. Star Dream, Void, and Fecto Fucko aren't exactly bursting w/ personality, but that's the point. Star Dream is an AI that can't comprehend human emotions, Fuck Face My Beloved is a holier than thou angel that can't comprehend mere mortals, and Void is literally named Void. They are scary because they are unfeeling, they contrast the the love that the good guys spread.

Even with the previously villainous/maybe still villainous Dream Friends you know they are the lesser of the evils because they still got love in them. Taranza worked for Secc but it was because he loved his friend, he eventually recognized what was the right thing to do instead of trying to take over the planet. Taranza exists to make Sectonia scary, to show off just how far gone she is. He helps Kirby while she blasts people that interrupted her tea time. Sure Haltmann and Susie are incredibly selfish capitalists and colonizers that rip people of their humanity to increase profits but at least they aren't the evil computer the exists as a result of that desire that also rips people of their humanity! .....hm..... Well uh Haltmann wanted to save Susie.... but forgot..... and Susie didn't really care what happened to him in the end.... uh.... but she helped Kirby! Probably because her own safety was already at risk, like Taranza didn't need to fly back to stop Secc he could of just saved himself... uh... Listen Susie is cuter than Star Dream she gets a pass.

Naw jk jk, but the point is the Haltmanns have actual emotions and *could* be reasoned with, but with Star Dream the only solution is to kill it because it can not be reasoned with. A big running theme is that the big bads are unfeeling and heartless whereas Kirby is the embodiment of love, and in the end the harbinger of happiness saves the day. Nightmare just wants to fuck with people, Dark Matter exists to spread bad vibes, Drawcia I don't even know but damn if she isn't going to corrupt everything to fit her point of view. It helps that despite their limited screen time and little to no dialogue the villains have banger designs. You can take one look at them and know what their deal is. Nightmare has typical wizard get up with the star-y cape, with devil horns and sharp features to signify he's evil. Standing out are the shades that give the vibe he's cocky and cool, maybe a little silly. If you are the embodiment of nightmares than there is going to be some weird aspects. A mixture of the familiar with the weird, that makes a strong baddy. Zero is incredibly out of place with that one single realistic eye, but what's more Kirby than being a literal sphere. And Drawcia is just super appealing to look at with a neat Dark Matter Blade/Swordsman homage. DMB is probably one of my favorite designs in the series period, like yup that's an evil sword guy very cool. Just assume I love most of the villains designs. And their music. Villains are just cool.

While I think Kirby is better off with lighter stories than trying to push it's darker elements with each title, the weaker villains are the ones that don't make for a good threat. You can still have a simpler story with a silly guy that is a real danger, that's what Marx was, but Dark Crafter and Nebula are just jokes than feel the need to kin people cooler than them. Daroach and Claycia were supposed to be the guys that get your standards lowered for the real deal like with Taranza and Sectonia, but instead they end up looking more badass than the actual final bosses. Which works in their favor at least, Daroach is supposed to be the Cool Guy TM and Claycia has no personality she needs it, but it makes Crafter and Neb look even lamer when combined with their shitty boss fights.

My favorite villain that I like more than even some Dream Friend types would have to be Sectonia. I really love villains that are having as much fun as the good guys, the type that cackle in joy as they blow up a city. Sectonia is clearly loving her time stabbing a child, and she still fits that theme of the big bads being unfeeling with how cruel she is. When she chops off her own head to become a big ass flower sacrificing what little humanity she had left just so she can become more powerful, damn. Triple Deluxe is also the only game I think did the pause screen/external lore thing correctly. It makes sense that from Kirby and by extension the player's point of view he wouldn't have context for the spider's backstory, and the main story is still decent kid's stuff. Kirby has a reason to travel this new area, save King Dedede from Taranza, he is reminded of this every boss fight, and Sectonia is a clear threat to the entirety of Popstar that needs the help of everyone you've met so far working with Kirby to stop her. Nothing mindblowing, but like RtDL it's easy to follow and fun, which is the point of Kirby games.

The games after it, PR, KSA, KATFL, they have messy main stories that would leave you confused, feeling like you are missing something. The external lore exists to be a bandaid to fix the broken plot. Stuff like why the Mages are loyal to Hyness is left behind the scenes, and most of anything related to the Beast Pack is tied to gacha. In PR's case the pause screen stuff wasn't even enough it had Miiverse crap that makes the story more confusing. Here have a light novel that crams in an oc that exists purely to give exposition instead of expressing that with existing characters fuck you. In TDX the main game feels like a complete, albeit basic experience, with the extra lore not being a fix for the main story, but a fun little add on. Sectonia works in the main game as a typical fairy tale villain, she's the Evil Queen from Snow White obsessed with beauty. But the side stuff fleshes her out into a tragic figure put into a situation she couldn't control, and that doesn't change what happened in the main story and still fits the fairy tale themes. Sometimes shit goes wrong for no good reason and there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes you have a a mean stepmom, and sometimes you have a mind controlling mirror. Sectonia with no context is still a fun villain, and with context she becomes a tragic figure. The series makes a clear distinction between the just a bit mean Dream Friends and the beyond saving planet eating villains, but Sectonia is a Dream Friend that became the villain against her will. She wasn't Taranza or the Mages working for someone else, Daroach or Claycia having a shitty Tuesday, she looked and acted that part of a friend but she was forced to become the villain by being mentally and physically warped into fitting that role. I still wish some of the more interesting plot points were in the main storyline, god did Taranza need more dialogue, but at least TDX understood it's own scope and themes better than the games after it.

TDLR people being mean is fun and I live for campy villains

[theirbbygirl]

Second Lead Syndrome

Word Count: ~8.7k words

liked this? there’s more on my masterlist!

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Comedy, Female reader insert

Description: Y/n and Minho have been friends for more than 2 years now, but suddenly she begins to see herself as the mere second lead in Minho’s story. Will she be the rare second lead who gets her own happy ending?

Warnings: some crying, themes of unrequited love (if there’s anything that I missed don’t hesitated to let me know!) 

I’d only ever encountered Second Lead Syndrome in the dramas I’d watched. Wanting the girl to end up with the second lead who was so obviously the better and healthier choice, but like every avid watcher of kdramas, it's more than likely for the main leads to end up with each other, that was just how it worked. What I never thought I’d encounter was seeing it happen before my own eyes and experience it firsthand.

Life was never supposed to be a kdrama. Life was supposed to be simple, a straight line, going from point A to B with no complications. But life never really went my way did it? It just had to throw in one variable, one man that had too much influence on my life. 

I couldn’t remember the first time I met Minho. It was probably sometime in the first grade when his family first moved in next to mine. But alas, we were both too young to remember exactly what sparked our friendship. One day we were strangers and the next we had given our parents a near heart attack when we both went after a stray cat on the way back home (my mom’s words, not ours).  From then my memories were filled with him, just us besties hanging out like anyone would with their best friend. First party, first mental breakdown, first drink, all with him. Soon enough we were in our final year of University, and ultimately, adults. 

The Minho I knew was laid back, not too extroverted but not too introverted either. While I completely contrasted him, always anxious about something, wanting perfection to the T, and completely and utterly introverted.  Our friendship, moving into University, sparked a lot of questions. You wouldn’t typically find the introverted straight-A student with the borderline badboy tsundere walking and laughing in the halls together, spending practically every waking moment together. But Minho didn’t care, and neither did I, so we moved through life pretty easily. 

One of the few things we had in common was our love for cats, and when we both foudn out there was a cat cafe just a few minutes walk from our campus, you best bet we spent too much of our time and money there. Studying, hanging out, anything you could imagine. If we weren’t in one of our dorms, we were more than likely to be in the cat cafe. 

Every day after class we’d go there and we’d complain about our least favorite professors and how lectures would seemingly last for longer than they should. Additionally, Minho had almost become akin to my own dormmate with how much time he spent in my dorm. He’d come in whenever he wished, stealing my frozen pizzas and sodas, using my Netflix account on my TV to watch weird National Geographic shows and make random comments like “that snake looks just like Kim Seungmin,” or “look its Hannie” whenever a squirrel came on screen. Minho was always there when I needed a drinking partner after bombing a test or assignment, pouring me shots of soju until I passed out and bringing me to my bed and tucking me in whiel he would sleep on the couch to make sure I wouldn’t do anything stupid in the middle of the night. 

Although, more people knew Minho’s name than mine, but that didn’t bother any of us. We continued on being friends as usual, and it felt like nothing would change that. Life was moving in a straight line like it should’ve always been.

At least, that’s what it felt like until February, just a few months before we graduated. 

I make my way to our usual spot in the courtyard after buying an iced coffee and a snickers bar from the vending machine next to my classroom, I walk up behind Minho sitting on a bench when I find him staring out in front of him instead of looking at cat videos on his phone like he usually does. Slowing my walk, I trail my eyes to the vague direction he’s facing and see that he’s looking at Kim Seungmin and a girl chatting outside the classroom. I ignore the thought, opting to think that Minho must’ve spaced out thinking about how he would irritate Seungmin next class. I plop down next to him when he still doesn’t take note of my arrival, so I get right next to his ear and blow cold air into it, snickering when he jolts in surprise. 

“What was that for?” He whines, fake annoyed.

“You got lost up in your thoughts for a certain Kim Seungmin there.” I snicker some more, opening my snickers (hehe) bar.

Just as I’m about to take the first bite of the sugary goodness, the chocolate bar gets snatched out of my hands and a certain Lee Minho takes an obnoxious bite out of it, not even giving it back but eating it like it was his. I pout, watching him devour my snack, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to get it back. 

“For your information, I was not thinking about Kim Seungmin.” He says pointedly, slightly muffled by the chocolate in his mouth.

I sigh, knowing I wasn’t going to get that chocolate bar back any time soon, and open my iced coffee. “So what were you thinking about then?” I ask before taking a sip.

“Don’t know, spaced out.” Is all the answer I get and I highly doubt him, but I brush it off anyways and don’t pry. 

Minho and I slide into our usual conversation about assignments, plans for the week, and everything under the sun. We talk about how he’s planning to visit home the next day and stay for a weekend and how excited he is to see his cats after a long time, I unknowingly smile at his ramble about how talkative Dori is, and just sit back and listen. I never took into account how healing it was to just watch and listen to him talk, the sultry of his voice and his little exclamations of frustration or excitement that came once in a while. I had to catch myself from staring when he turned to look at me, having asked me a question I didn’t catch.

“Sorry what was that?” I ask.

“Am I that beautiful for you to have lost your hearing to my handsome face?” I couldn’t just tell him that that was basically what had happened, it would inflate his ego by too much and reveal everything I’d hidden thus far.

“The heck? No, I was thinking about how great it would be to get some peace and quiet while you’re not around this weekend.” I lie, having Minho around is the only thing that brings me entertainment that isn’t endless sappy kdramas on my laptop, but he can never know that. 

Minho scoffs, says something under his breath that I don’t quite catch, then turns back to me. “You love me.” He says with a pout.

“Unfortunately I do.” 

That was the first of many inconspicuous confessions. 

It was nearing 3 or 4 am and I was about halfway done with another kdrama when several knocks resound through the small living space. Knowing exactly who it is, I only shout back “you know the code!” and moments later the door opens. 

I don’t bother to get up and greet Minho, this exact scene has happened too many times for either of us to care at this point, and it doesn’t surprise me that the moment he enters he shouts, “Honey I’m home!” like we’re in some cheesy romcom. 

“Mhmm, welcome home, leech.” I enunciate the last word purposely, but I know he won’t bat an eye at the term. I continue to chew my popcorn while he wanders through my cabinets, looking for snacks. “There’s chips in the cabinet next to the fridge and sprite in there too. If you want more food order Chinese takeout.” 

“I don’t have my wallet.” I can practically hear his pout from where I sat, eyes unmoving from the TV screen. 

“You know where mine is, but you have to pay me back.” A few seconds pass with no response until suddenly he’s next to me and kissing my cheek.

“I loveeee you!” He says too sweetly, retreating back to the mini-kitchen to order takeout.

“Mhmm, I love you too.” I say, not loud enough for him to hear the confidence missing from my tone. 

Continuing to watch the episode of in front of me, I remain in my comfortable position, only moving to lift my legs when Minho comes back to sit on the couch under my legs and the blanket. 

“Oh you’re watching this one?” He asks, reaching into the bowl of popcorn I offer him.

“Yeah, didn’t have anything else to watch so I put it on since everyone seems to like it so much.” 

“Mm,” he hums while also indulging himself into the scenes playing in front of him. “You’re probably team potato guy, right?” 

“What kind of question is that? Of course I am!” I scoff.

“I don’t know, I still think she should end up with Jae-eon.”

“Are you crazy? He literally leads her on like every playboy and is ruining her mentality by not defining their relationship.” 

“Yeah, but they’re so cute together, and you can totally tell he feels something for her.” He argues.

“Just cause they’re cute together doesn’t mean they’re good for each other, the entire guy is a walking red flag, I don’t understand why she doesn’t just walk away when she’s had experience with a shit boyfriend.” I sigh.

“You, have major second lead syndrome.” He points an accusing finger at me.

“So what? It’s for good reason, the main lead is toxic as fuck and you can’t change my mind.” I upturn my nose, turning back to the TV and continuing to watch the episode. 

The mentioning of the second lead sends a flurry of thoughts into my brain for a reason I can’t comprehend. Sometimes the main leads aren’t that bad but still we want the main character to end up with the second lead, maybe out of our own natural selfishness because we prefer the second lead more. I shake the thoughts away, trying to convince myself that kdramas were only works of fiction and too cheesy to be real, yet for whatever reason I always felt a connection with the second leads, like our emotions directed to our crushes were the same, because I knew that I would always be the second lead in Minho’s story. 

Minho’s name was always called out more times than mine was growing up, which I didn’t really mind until our hangout time would be seriously cut down because he had to hang out with other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I loved that he had friends, but there was a little bit of selfishness in me that wanted him to myself.

A new drama and a few episodes later, plus Chinese takeout, lead to our eventual demise. We both fall asleep on the couch in less than comfortable positions and wake up with stiff-neck, us groaning at the pain. 

We continue on with our usual morning routines, taking turns freshening up in the bathroom before heading out for breakfast at Paws and Pastries since we were both too lazy to make food ourselves. Besides, hot coffee in the morning plus good sandwiches AND cats? What more could you ask for?

When we enter the cat cafe I notice a familiar face behind the cashier, it was the same girl Seungmin was talking to on Friday, and the same girl I caught Minho staring at. We walk up to the cashier, I order my food first, a simple breakfast sandwich with a coffee to go with it and wait next to Minho to finish ordering. 

I made the mistake up glancing up at his face as he was telling his order to her, Ahra, her name tag read. There was something in his eyes that glinted that I had never seen before, not when he talked to Han and not when he talked to me. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of emotion in the middle of my chest before forcing myself to look back down, inserting my card and paying for everything. I sent the girl a thank you and a kind smile after she told us our food would be right over, and both me and Minho went over to our usual table in the back corner next to the cat’s jungle gym and right up next to the window. I get lost in my thoughts while we begin playing with the cats we were so accustomed to. 

Like most second leads, I knew exactly what my feelings were. I was practically an adult, how could I miss the fast beating of my heart or my clammy hands whenever I was around him? But again, like most second leads, I knew I’d never get a chance with him, not when everything we did together was purely platonic. It was painfully obvious that I’d be stuck with an unrequited love for who knows how long, and I couldn’t just detach myself from him all of a sudden to get over my feelings because a) he’d notice and force me to tell him what was wrong, ultimately leading me to tell him that I had feelings for him, and b) the moment I would come back or see him for even just a second I know I would develop those feelings all over again. Neither of which were choices I was willing to take so I suck it up and see him every day, ignoring everything my heart was telling me. 

I look up from the cat that I’m petting in my lap and look at Minho again, only to find him staring at Ahra who was taking people’s orders with a perfect pearly smile. It was in that moment that I knew, I had just found the female lead of Minho’s story.

3 weeks go by in a similar manner. Minho and I see Ahra around campus a few times and with some twisted fate, she’s on the clock every time we go to Paws and Pastries. Minho, being his smooth self, easily gets himself acquainted with her. They laugh and giggle so naturally and can slip into conversation so easily I’m almost envious of Minho and his non-introverted self. 

Not being one to try and stop fate, I watch it all happen. Telling Minho to ask her out already and teasing him about how lovesick he gets when he sees her nearby or at the cafe. I know Minho likes her when he blushes or gets defensive whenever I mention her in our conversations even though he’s never explicitly told me himself. I put on a face in front of him whenever these conversations come up, not wanting to get in the way of his happiness. 

One day some of our friends want to meet up outside of campus, we make plans to meet up at a bowling alley, ready to have fun until the late evening hours. Seungmin brought Ahra along with him, asking if it was okay to invite her since they were friends. Everyone agrees and we all meet up as planned. When everyone gets there, including Seungmin and Ahra, we introduce ourselves, Minho not having to introduce himself and easily speaking with her like they always did whenever running into each other. All the the boys have raised brows and mischievous smiles as they watch the interaction between the two, but only one looks at me in concern. 

A majority of the night passes by with laughter and teasing, how Chan was terrible at bowling this night and Minho easily beating him despite never doing too well on our previous adventures to the bowling alley. I spend the night with the rest of the boys, while Minho and Ahra spend time getting to know each other even more. There’s a point in the evening where I see Minho hold out his phone to Ahra to exchange numbers, I can hear her giggle when they take a selfie together, probably for her profile picture. I have to turn my head away quickly to ignore the cracking of my own heart when Minho puts his arm on the couch behind Ahra, he does it so naturally, yet he’s never done it with me. I will my thoughts to focus on the game and not on Minho, not noticing the same pair of concerned eyes until they speak up.

“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asks. 

“Hm? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” My voice cracks halfway through and I try to hide my sad eyes, even though I was fully aware that Hyunjin had probably noticed that something was up.

“‘Cause you seem pretty affected by that scene over there.” He motions to Minho and Ahra with a nod of his head. 

“It’s nothing, Hyun, just nice seeing Minho talking to more people.”

“Y/n, you know he talks to people all the time, and you’re not nearly as affected then as you are now.” 

“Hyunjin, really, it’s fine.” I try to convince him but he says something that lets me know that he knows.

“You like Minho.”

“What? No that’s absurd I-“ He looks at me pointedly, and I sigh in defeat. “Yeah, okay, you got me.”

“Why don’t you say anything? Clearly it hurts you to see him like that.” He refers to Minho getting cozy with her.

“Hyunjin, it’s clear that everything we have is platonic, he even called me his sister several times. And who am I to get in the way of him getting into a relationship? That’s not my place to say anything, especially when his last girlfriend was 2 years ago.” 

“I get that, but shouldn’t he at least deserve to know? He says that he knows everything about you, but there’s one thing that he doesn't. You know practically everything about him, isn’t it a little unfair?” 

“We have choices as to what we share with each other and what we don’t, it’s his choice to tell me what he wants to and my choice to tell him what I want to tell him. Besides, he hasn’t even told me that he has a crush on Ahra yet.” 

“So maybe he doesn’t then.” 

“Hyunjin, just look at him, he’s a puppy in love.” I glance back over to Minho and Ahra sitting parallel to us. Minho is smiling brightly, more brightly than I had seen in a while and I can’t help but let my lips upturn at the corners just slightly in another sad smile. 

Hyunjin sighs next to me, and I look back to him. “I’m sorry y/n, I really wish he would end up with you instead of her, it doesn’t seem fair to you.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Ahra seems like a nice girl, she and Minho will get along great. And nothing in life is fair Hyunjin, that’s just something you come to accept.” I say, getting up. “I’m gonna get some drinks, does anyone want anything?” I ask everyone.

“Cola!” “Me too!” “Me three!” “A lemonade please.” A few of the boys shout back.

“Anything for you guys?” I turn to Minho and Ahra. They both shake their heads. “Okay then, I’ll be back in a minute guys.” I smile at the group before going to get the drinks. 

While walking away from the group I let a teardrop fall from my eye, wiping it away just before I order.

Life’s unfair, that’s just something I have to accept. 

A week goes by and Minho’s talking about how he and Ahra message often, how he thinks they get along well and he’s gonna ask her out.

Another week goes by and they’ve gone on their first date, he takes her to the beach and they have a picnic. 

Two weeks after that they’ve gone on several dates and are officially boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t even find out separately at this point, I find out with the rest of the group over dinner.

A few days after that Minho calls off one of our late night binge watching sessions, texting me an apology and that Ahra needs him. I tell him it’s okay and to send my regards to her. 

It’s a week and half after and Minho regularly calls off our meetups at the cafe after school or at one another’s dorms to tend to Ahra. I tell him it’s fine each time and to not feel bad. He did the same today, and I sit alone at our usual table, mindlessly petting a cat in my lap while zoning out into in my mug of coffee. 

All while this happens, I watch, and I let it happen. I don’t fight for him because it didn’t feel right, sometimes second leads let their love fall for someone else, and that’s all it felt like I could do. 

Fighting for Minho felt selfish, especially when I knew I had no chance and he’d already fallen for Ahra. I couldn’t suddenly come out of the blue and tell him “hey, I have feelings for you,” when he’s already dating Ahra, I’d look like a major asshole if I did. All I could do was watch and see how we begun to drift farther and farther apart. 

With Minho being absent more often, I don’t get to tell him much. Like the internship offer I got to continue pursuing graphic design in Itaewon. I got the email almost a week ago, and I had two more weeks to decide if I was going to take the offer. With nobody to consult about it with I continue to push it to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with more stress just yet. 

Just as I’m taking another sip of my coffee a familiar head of long blonde hair enters the cafe. My head tilts to the side in confusion as he scans the room for someone when he meets eyes with me, he makes his way over and sits in the seat in front of me and doesn’t say anything.

“You’re rarely on this side of town, why are you here?” I ask Hyunjin first.

“I heard something from Ms. Kim in our art class and needed to know if it was true.” He says seriously.

“What…” I feel like I know what he’s going to say, but I ask anyways. “What did you hear?” 

“That you were offered an internship in Itaewon.” 

“Hyunjin I-“

“Is it really true? She said you had two more weeks to decide, how come you haven’t told anybody? Does Minho know? Are you gonna leave? What about-” He begins to spurt out question after question and it’s almost too much for me to handle.

“Hyunjin!” I raise my voice just slightly to get him to stop but I have to turn it down again when the volume of my voice makes a few of the other customers’ heads turn. “Calm down, yes it’s true, yes I have two more weeks to decide if I’m going or not, I didn’t know how I would tell any of you, no, Minho doesn’t know and I don’t plan on telling him.” 

“Are you… Are you gonna take the offer?” He asks slowly.

I prop my elbows onto the table as the cat leaves my lap and my head drops into my hands as I sigh in exasperation. “I don’t know.” Tears are gathering in my eyes as I think about it. 

“Y/n, have you thought about the offer at all?” 

“Yes and no.” I don’t need to lift my head to sense Hyunjin’s confusion. “It’s hard to think about it when you’re watching your crush of 2 years date someone else while you’re also trying to finish up your senior year. But it’s also all I can think about when I’m alone, which I find myself a lot, thinking about having to find a place to live in Itaewon and transfer and mentally prepare to leave you all here, but if I don’t take it then it’ll be even harder to find an offer like this. It’s all I can think about and also something that I can’t bring myself to think about, Hyunjin.” I lift my head and my teary eyes meet his own. 

“Y/n…” His voice breaks saying my name.

“I think I’m going to take it.” I pause. “Once I finish all of my final assignments the only thing I have left to really worry about is graduating and finding a job, and I don’t think I can take watching Minho and Ahra anymore Hyun, I don’t think I can stomach it. I’m happy for them, I truly am, but it’s also affecting me and I don’t think I should ignore that anymore. If I’m in Itaewon I have a job and I won’t have to worry about feelings anymore, two birds with one stone.” 

I see the hesitancy in Hyunjin’s facial expressions before he speaks. “If that’s what you think you should do, then I’ll support you all the way. But shouldn’t you tell Minho about this?” 

“I’m not, because if I do, Minho is gonna find some way to get me to stay and I’ll crumble and stay because he affects me the most.” Hyunjin merely nods in response. “Hyunjin, you are the only one that can know about this, okay? I can’t have everyone else know this, especially Minho, okay?”

Hesitation again, and then, “Okay.” 

Hyunjin keeps his promise, he keeps the secret of me leaving from everyone. Even as graduation inches closer and our group begins to talk more about job searching, what comes next, and similar topics, the two of us keep it a secret. Whenever they asked me what I was thinking of doing next I always just told them “oh probably looking for internships nearby,” and no more questions are asked. 

Minho and Ahra were still very much in love, even more than before, if the growing absence of Minho’s presence was anything to go by. I barely saw Minho anymore, maybe catching him at the end of the hall every once in awhile, but he was always walking with Ahra so all I could say was “hello” and “goodbye.” 

Each goodbye begun to hold more and more weight as the days passed. Even the short ones I would tell Minho after passing him in the halls. I couldn’t even conjure how I would tell everyone, maybe send a letter to each of their places? A text message? Tell them after the graduation ceremony just before I left for the train station? I thought about how I would say goodbye as I begun to pack up my dorm. Graduation was nearing, I had already turned in all of my final assignments, and all there was left was to pack. I would leave after the ceremony ended, sometime in the afternoon. I wouldn’t even get the chance to properly celebrate being graduates with my friends because I was leaving in the afternoon. I’d get situated in my new apartment in Itaewon and get accustomed to new life outside of Gimpo. 

The thought of leaving panged my heart harshly, I had never left Gimpo permanently before. Sure, I had gone on trips to the US and Singapore and Seoul before, but I had never moved from Gimpo. I was born and raised in Gimpo, met Minho and all of our friends here, so the thought of moving for the first time did something to my heart. I attended all of our group hangouts with a nostalgic mindset, remembering the first time we all met, when we all got wasted one time on a Friday night after some big exam week. I look around our table of friends and think about how much I’ll miss all of this when I leave for Itaewon. 

Another thing that panged my heart, Minho and I distancing. I knew it was coming, Minho and I didn’t text or talk about hanging out anymore. He walked Ahra to her classes now, and had dates with her after class instead of meeting me at our cafe. Eventually I stopped getting apology messages, and stopped expecting him at the cafe anymore. I couldn’t blame him, Ahra was his girlfriend and I accepted that long ago. Instead I just played the supportive friend on the sidelines, and I’d continue to play that role for as long as I had to. 

It came to be the night before we graduated, and all of us minus Minho and Ahra were sat around a table in one of the restaurants we frequented, it wasn’t too late in the evening, and we all just sat in silence after finishing our food with bottles and glasses of soju now sitting in front of us. A majority of our meal was full of reminiscing, talking about memories that crack everyone up and left smiles on our faces. 

“So, we really graduate tomorrow, huh?” Changbin says when the table quiets down.

“Yeah, I guess we do.” Chan says quietly. 

My eyes tear up and I begin to sniff without control, the weight of my department tomorrow weighing heavily on my shoulders. Hyunjin puts an arm around my shoulders and gives me a tissue, whispering “it’s okay, it’s okay” to me while I try to calm down.

Everyone looks at me in confusion before Chan speaks first. “Y/n are you okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I just…” I trail off, not sure what to say.

“Do you want to tell them?” Hyunjin asks softly.

“Tell us what?” Seungmin says this time.

Hyunjin looks to me first before nodding, and I begin to spill my secret. “I got an internship offer.” 

The table erupts in cheers and I get congratulations thrown back at me before I can even continue.

“But…” Immediately everyone silences and looks to me in expectation. “It’s in Itaewon.” 

There’s a tense air that falls around us. “What?” Felix says in disbelief.

“You’re not leaving us, right Noona?” Jeongin asks from another part of the table. 

I look to Jeongin with sad eyes, smiling sadly. “I leave tomorrow, after our graduation ceremony.” There’s some gasps around the table.

“What?! Y/n, why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Changbin blows up and Chan has to place a hand on his shoulder to restrain him.

“I didn’t want every time we met leading up to graduation to feel like a goodbye, Bin, I couldn’t handle that. So I kept it from you all so there wasn’t this tension every time we met.” I explained.

“Does Minho know?” Seungmin asks this time, and I shake my head.

“Y/n…” Han says worriedly.

“Guys, I know I’m not the only one that’s noticed that me and Minho aren’t that close anymore, so I haven’t really gotten the chance to tell him. But I told Hyunjin this a long time ago, that I wouldn’t tell Minho specifically, because there’s some things that I need to figure out and if I told him he’d find some way to keep me from going, or even worse, follow me. At least with Ahra by his side he won’t follow me to Itaewon.” There’s nods all around the table, understanding where I’m coming from.

“We’re gonna miss you a lot.” Felix sniffs and I coo, getting up from my seat to wrap my arms around him from behind. 

“I’m gonna miss you all too.” I sniff with him, a few tears escaping my eyes. 

Chan comes to join our hug, then Han, then Jeongin, and soon enough everyone has joined the group hug with me in the middle. All of us are crying, and I had never felt more loved than that moment. 

Eventually we break away from the hug and return to our seats, everyone dabbing at their eyes with tissues and sniffing. 

“Let’s all stop crying, tonight is a night to celebrate, all of us graduate tomorrow, and our dear Y/n got an internship offer in a big city!” Han holds up a drink and we all do the same, cheering and clinking our glasses together and celebrating the night away. 

The next morning I get ready for graduation early, putting on my makeup and doing my hair, and sending a message. 

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

hey, can you meet me at p&p in thirty?

My heart picks up the pace as I send the message, I didn’t expect him to answer so quickly yet his message pings my phone within 2 minutes. 

from: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sure, i can be there

to: [cat dad who’s a leech :D]

sweet, i’ll see you there

I turn my phone off and take a deep breath, we still had a few hours before we had to be at the school for our graduation ceremony, I’d have to leave just a few minutes after the ceremony ended which wouldn’t give me enough time to tell Minho, so, I made the painful decision the night before to tell him in the morning. I’d do it in our favorite spot in the corner of our favorite cat cafe, tell him the news slowly and hope that he takes it well. 

I leave my house and 15 minutes later I’m in our usual booth, my coffee order sitting in front of me and the cats all wandering around as there weren’t too many people since it was relatively early in the morning. I already bought Minho his typical Iced Americano and it sat in front of me, awaiting it’s owner. 

10 minutes later Minho arrives and makes his way to the table, sitting in front of me, smiling, unknowing of what’s about to happen. 

“Hey.” I smile at him.

“Hey you.” He smiles back brightly. “Sorry I couldn’t see you guys last night, I took Ahra out for dinner last night on a date.”

“It’s completely alright, how are you guys?” 

“Pretty good, things are going okay right now.” He answers.

“That’s good.” Nervously I take a sip of my macchiato in front of me, my leg bouncing in anxiety. 

“Y/n? Is everything alright? Your leg’s bouncing pretty fast right now.” Curse Minho and the fact that he knows so much about me, he reaches out for my wrist and checks my pulse, quickly noticing how fast it’s beating as his brows furrow in confusion. 

“Minho, there’s something I need to tell you.” I say, retracting my wrist from his grip. He doesn’t answer me but instead tilts his head like a cat does when it looks at its owner questionably. “I’m leaving.” 

“What?” He asks.

How could one look so endearing, head tilted and eyes full of emotion as I break the news to him? I ask myself. “I got an internship offer for a company in Itaewon, I accepted it and I’m leaving for Itaewon, today.” 

“You’re leaving today?” He says in disbelief, sounding out of breath.

I nod and continue. “After the graduation today I have to catch my bus. I didn’t have any other time to tell you so I had to tell you now.” 

“You’re… You’re just telling me now? Do the others know about this?” 

“I only told them last night.”

“You couldn’t have thought of telling me sooner?” He starts to get angry.

“Minho I-“

“What happened to telling me everything, huh? What happened to when we used to know everything about each other?”

“Minho, those days are long behind us, you have bigger priorities now, like putting your focus on your girlfriend, Minho. I couldn’t tell you because I knew you’d do something rash, and I didn’t even tell the others until last night because I knew every time we’d see each other it would be like preparing for the day I leave. You and Ahra have something so great going on for the two of you right now and telling you that I was leaving would take you away from that, and I can’t do that to you or her. Ahra is an amazing girl, and you have her now.”

“Will you at least visit?” His eyes are full of tears, some of the first I’ve seen in years and I hate that I’m the cause of it. 

“I don’t know yet, there’s some things I need to figure out myself first, before I can visit. But at some point maybe I will, when I’ve figured things out I’ll try visiting from time to time.” I offer him a sad smile. 

After a few moments of silence I get up from my seat. 

“We still have a graduation left, Min, I’ll still see you then.” I ruffle his hair and walk out of the cafe, no more secrets but one weighing down on my chest. 

The Graduation ceremony passes by in a blur. One moment we were listening to the speeches of each of the professors and the next we were tossing our caps into the air, cheering as we became alumni of our university. 

Our friend group met up in the front of the school, taking pictures with our parents and congratulating each other. Eventually, the time comes and I have to go. 

Our group stands in a circle, unmoving, as we all look at each other. 

“I’m gonna miss all of you so much.” I say in tears as my voice breaks.

“We’re gonna miss you too, Y/n.” Hyunjin says. At his words everyone gathers into a group hug full of tears and the weight of a goodbye on our shoulders. 

“You better promise to visit us, okay?” Felix holds me by the shoulders and makes a point to look me in the eye. Not trusting my voice, I nod and he brings me into one more hug. 

I hug each of them individually, saying a few words, before I reach the last person. 

I hug Minho and look into his eyes for the last time for a while.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“Me too.” And that’s all I can say. 

I leave the campus for the last time, hopping in my car to head to the station and start anew.

Second leads always leave in the end, they leave and let the two main leads have a happy ending. That’s what it felt like I was doing, and I couldn’t tell if I was content with my choice or not. 

Two and a half months in Itaewon passes quickly. 

The move into my new apartment was smooth, and it was odd to be in a bigger space than a small dorm room. It felt like I had more space than I knew what to do with. 

My internship was moving along smoothly as well, everyone I had met so far were really kind and taught me a lot. I was worried about feeling out of place but I had met a few other girls not much older than me who helped me feel at home. 

Being alone in a big city was unnerving, but what made it so much more comfortable was the addition of a cat that my parents had bought me as my graduation gift. She was a chartreux cat who I named Luna because I had always dreamed of naming my first cat that. My parents covered most of the costs of basic things like cat toys, a scratch post, her bed, and similar things. I thanked my parents endlessly when they came over to my apartment a week after I had moved in and gave me Luna. I wasn’t gone for too long during the day and always left food for her, she was great company when I came home and worked on projects late into the evening, curling up into my lap like the cats at the old cafe used to. She was my best friend in a city I was still getting accustomed to. 

I hadn’t talked to the guys much, I’d talked with them a few times in the group chat about how their job searches were going and trips they were planning to take soon. It was nice talking with them every so often but all of us were still pretty busy moving onto the next chapter of our lives. 

I hadn’t talked to Minho since I left, I’d assumed that he and Ahra were doing well, but that’s all that was, assumption. None of the boys talked about him and I couldn’t understand why, but I never asked since I was supposed to be moving on from my feelings in the first place. I thought I had been doing pretty well until something would come up that reminded me of him, like his favorite song would play in the cafe I bought my morning coffee in and spent my breaks at, or snapchat would send me “Today, 1 year ago” memories of him and me fooling around at Paws and Pastries. Whenever that would happen I’d be sent back to square one, and it felt like I’d never move on from Minho. 

I was on my way out to grab a coffee and spend my off day walking around, maybe looking into a few shops when I got a call from Hyunjin.

“Y/n! My favorite girl, how are you?”

“Hyunjin? What’s with the call?”

“What? Can I not call my friends from time to time?”

“Not when you’re notorious for calling your ‘friends’ after you’ve done something wrong.” I sigh.

“That was one time! Besides, it wasn’t that bad.”

“You dragged Jeongin to a party! And got him wasted!” 

“One. Time. Y/n. It was one time.”

“One time is enough for you to be in trouble for life, Hyun.”

“Okay, whatever, but I was meaning to ask you, what’re your plans for today?” 

“Me? I was just planning to go out, today’s my day off so I was gonna visit this one cafe and see some shops, why?” 

“No reason, what time do you think you’ll be home?” 

“Maybe five?”

“Great, okay, I have to go now, Han’s calling me, bye!” Hyunjin hangs up before I can ask him what’s with the weird questions.

“Hyunjin- Oh great he hung up.” I put my phone in my pocket before looking down at Luna who’s stretching near my legs. “Your uncle Hyunjin is quite the odd one, isn’t he Luna, hm?” I ask her and she meows back in response. “Weird indeed, but that’s just how he is. Mommy’s gonna spend her day out and then she’ll come home and we can watch the TV together, okay? I’ll be home soon.” I pick up Luna and set her on her little bed before ensuring everything is safe and make my way out the door. 

I spend the day eating at a large cat cafe that actually had an assortment of books with little reading areas while the cats roamed around everywhere. It was much bigger than the cafe in Gimpo, but I would always correlate that one with home. 

After I spent a bit of time reading there I went out and explored the shops for a few hours, bought some new jeans and a few blouses plus some makeup things. I got Subway for lunch and explored just a little bit more before heading home. Instead of going straight home, I decided to take the long way, going through the streets not minding the extra weight the few shopping bags I was holding in my hands gave me. The sun was just barely beginning to set as I walked into my apartment complex, getting into the elevator and pressing the button for my floor. 

I walk down the hallway to my door and am surprised when a familiar figure greets me there. 

“Minho?” I say as I walk closer. 

“Y/n!” He says happily, bringing me into a hug. 

“What are you doing here? Actually- Wait- Don’t answer that, do you wanna come inside?” I ask him.

“Sure.” He responds. 

I unlock the door and bring my bags in, setting them by the door. “Luna! Mommy’s home!” I call out automatically.

Luna meows and comes out of the bedroom, walking her way up to me before I pick her up. 

“You got a cat?” Minho asks.

“Yeah, parents brought her to me about a week after I moved in.” I put Luna back down and she moves to sit on the arm of the couch, her favorite spot to sit when the sun goes down.

“And you named her Luna,” He smiles fondly. “You always wanted to name your cat Luna.” 

“I’m surprised you remember that.” I chuckle. “Do you want some coffee?” 

“Sure.” 

“I’ll get that brewing, just give me a few minutes, you can take a seat on the couch and make yourself at home!” I tell him as I quickly retreat to the kitchen.

I have to take a few breaths when I’m far away enough from Minho, my heart beating just as fast as it would when I was around him back then. It was clear I hadn’t moved on at all. 

I brew the coffee as promised and wait next to the coffee machine with two mugs ready. A voice chimes in behind me.

“Your place is much bigger than the dorms.” He chuckles.

“Tell me about it, it was so weird buying more furniture than I was used to.” I laugh with him. 

The machine finishes brewing the coffee and I pour it into the two mugs, putting it on a tray with creamer and sugar before bringing it all to the coffee table in front of the couch. 

Minho and I take seats on the couch, separated by a bit of space between us while we sip on our respective mugs.

“So,” I start the conversation. “How’s home?” 

“Not too bad, same old same old, the guys being annoying as usual, you know?” He says.

“Sounds fun.” I chuckle. “And work, have you found anything yet?” 

“Not yet, I’ve got a few applications out, but I’m still waiting on some answers.”

“I’m sure you’ll get them soon.” I respond. 

An uncomfortable silence sets over the both of us, and I run my free hand through Luna’s fur who’s situated herself in my lap this time. I take a long sip of my coffee before asking another question.

“How’s… How are you and Ahra?” 

“Oh…” He trails off. “We broke up a few weeks ago.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that…” I had no idea that he and Ahra had broken up, in fact that was the completely opposite of what I thought had happened since they seemed to work together so well. 

“Yeah, it was a mutual thing. We didn’t really feel that kind of connection anymore, you know? So we just, broke it off.” 

“Are you okay?” I ask Minho.

“Me? Yeah, I’m actually not as affected as I thought I’d be, I don’t know if that makes me a cruel person or not but I was only sad for the first week or two. Nothing too bad.” 

“I see.” Another silence settles between us. This one is longer, more tense, there was something Minho wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure, and I couldn’t depict what question he was going to ask.

“Actually, I came her for a reason.” He says.

“And what reason is that?” I ask hesitantly.

“For answers.” My brows furrow, answers for what? “There’s something Hyunjin told me recently and it got me thinking, and I wanted to hear it from you if it was true.”  

I finish my coffee and place it down delicately on the coffee table, trying not to show how nervous I was with how badly my hands were shaking. “I’ll see if I have answers for you then.” 

“When you told me you were leaving, you said you had some, things, to figure out on your own. What was it that you had to figure out?” 

I take a moment to decide exactly how I was going to answer his question. Did I want to expose my feelings to him just yet? “Just, feelings.” I say vaguely.

“For?”

“Just feelings for somebody.”

“Is it Hyunjin?”

“No.”

“Chan?”

“Nope.”

“Changbin?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Me?”

I pause for just a half second, and apparently that was all Minho needed. “I guess Hyunjin’s big mouth was right after all.”

“Wait- What? What are you talking about?” 

Minho takes a long sip of his coffee before finishing letting out a sigh after swallowing, he slowly sets the mug on the table before making direct eye contact with me and silently killing me with the suspense. “Minho please just say something you’re killing me here.”

He only chuckles in response. “Hyunjin told me not too long ago that you took up the offer to work here because you were going to sort out your feelings, for me.” He says sweetly as I suck in a breath at his last words. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Minho-“

“Now now, Y/n, we shouldn’t hide things from each other anymore, should we?” His sweet, sultry voice was affecting me greatly as he leaned closer to me on the couch. I gulp and silently curse when Luna, the only thing keeping me sane, leaves the comfort of my lap for her scratch-post. 

“Minho…” I let out quietly.

“Tell me, Kitten, is it true?” He asks once again. 

“I-“ My voice catches in my throat when Minho leans in ever nearer, still making direct eye-contact with me. “Yes, it is.” I sigh out and Minho backs away. 

“He was right.” Minho whispers while my gaze drops to my hands that I fiddle with in my lap at the secret that’s let out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Why are you sorry darling?” He asks softly and uses his thumb and forefinger to tilt my head up by my chin. 

“I couldn’t tell you because I knew you didn’t feel the same, and then when you got together with Ahra we drifted apart because it hurt me to see you with her. Then I left and told you about me leaving so last minute. I made you cry, Minho, and I hate that I did. But I couldn’t see any other way out of it. I hurt you because I was cowardly and didn’t want to be selfish by telling you and having your attention move off of Ahra, when I was really being selfish by not telling you and hurting you in the end.” More tears escape my eyes as we look at each other.

“Princess, no…” He cups my face with his hands and uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears. “I’ll admit, it did hurt when you told me that you were leaving the day of, but I understood where you were coming from. Because you were right, I would have done something crazy to keep you by my side. Do you know why?” He asks, and I shake my head, still crying. “Because I need you by my side, kitten, even when I was dating Ahra I felt off but just didn’t pay any mind to it because I had her. But now I know it’s because you and I were drifting apart, I found out when after you left and me and Ahra broke up because I felt empty. I couldn’t text you to just come over anymore because you’re farther away from me now. I lied earlier, I said that I sent out some applications for jobs but didn’t get any answers yet, right?” I nod. “I got offered a job as a software engineer, here, in Itaewon, and I said yes.” 

“Why?” I whisper.

“Because I want to be near you, I need to be by your side Y/n, because I love you.” I let out a sob at his confession and he coos, bringing me to rest my head on his chest and rubbing his hands on my back and running them through my hair. 

“I love you too.” I say after a few minutes. 

Minho brings me out of his hold, and cups my face again. For the first time, he kisses me. His lips brush over mine before deepening the kiss, taking full charge of it yet somehow still being soft with me. His kisses were nothing short of addicting, and I knew I’d be in love with him for a long time. 

In that moment, kissing the man of my dreams, I remember that it may be rare that a second lead gets their own happy ending, but it’s not unheard of. Sometimes the main lead and second lead do end up with their own happily ever after. 

Notes from the author: I have FINALLY posted something y’all 😂 took a few months but she’s here, and she’s dishing out something at least. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting again, esp with school and whatnot, but I do know I need to drain out my drafts because phew, it’s getting a little full in there. 

But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic! I’m pretty sure it’s one of the longest I’ve written if not the longest. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, I’m probably a little rusty but we can fix that (i think)

if you want more I still have my old stuff up on my masterlist on my account! hope to see you around :))

-nyx