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harrysmanystyles · 5 years ago

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“are you sure about that?”

A/N: I just was really in the mood for frat boy harry okay

The day had been off from the moment I woke up. My stomach churned at the thought of the events the day coming about, and as I walked into my Philosophy class that morning and locked eyes with him, I felt it. The spark. And as much as I tried to resist it, the feeling demanded to be felt. Quickly, I turned around and sat in my normal seat, waiting for him to take his usual seat next to me. It was a routine, one that I had grown comfortable with. Although being around Harry made me feel things I didn’t necessarily want to feel, his company was somewhat entertaining and familiar.

Moments later, he plops down in the seat next to me, immediately grabbing my notebook to see what I was so intently staring at. “This is a blank page,” he teases, flopping it back onto my desk. I give him a small smile.

“Sorry, I’m just feeling a bit distracted, thats all,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ears, a nervous habit I’ve grown into since coming to college. Harry notices, he notices everything.

“Calm down, love, that was meant to be a joke.” He gives me a look, and glances at the professor who’s getting ready to start the lecture. “You’re still coming tonight, right?” He asks, his eyes hopeful. How could I ever say no? When I nod, a triumphant grin takes over his features. Harry is a hard person to say no to, and at times he can be manipulative to get what he wants. I’m sure he’s used that tactic multiple times on many girls just like me. Hence, why I have no interest in catching any feelings for him, I will not be just another conquest. My heart has been broken too many times before.

Harry and I have been friends for a little while now. We both ended up in the same philosophy class for the semester, and somehow, he weaseled his way into studying with me. Last week, he asked me to come to a party him and his friends were throwing at their house over the weekend. He claimed that I need to ‘let loose’ and ‘enjoy myself a little’. I rolled my eyes, but agreed to it nonetheless. What else was I going to do? The last few weekends I’ve spent studying holed up in my room, and he knew that.

The professor starts lecturing, and it startles me out of my trance. I begin to take notes like I always do, and as my pen scribbles on my paper I can feel his eyes on me, taking in my every move. I ignore him, pretending like I don’t notice, and eventually he turns to face the front, a sigh escaping his lips.

When the class finishes, we both stand at the same time, nearly knocking each other over. He grabs my arms before I fall back into my seat. “These seats are way too close together,” he remarks, releasing me from his grasp once he sees I’ve regained my balance.

“Thanks,” I mumble, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. I grab my backpack and turn to leave when he grabs my arm.

“See you tonight,” he smirks, and with that, turns and walks away, leaving me with the burning sensation of where his hand gripped my arm and a bundle of nerves dwindling in my stomach.

Its quarter to 11 when my roommate, Rose, and I walk up the sidewalk to the front door of Harry’s house. The house is shaking from the music, and there are people spilling out the front windows. This should be interesting. I pull down my uncomfortably tight skirt that Rose forced me to wear, feeling a bit overdressed for a house party. I look over at her, “What?” She says.

“This was a bad idea, I should have stayed home. What if—“ She cuts me off.

“What if nothing. You look hot, and Harry invited you for you to have fun. You can’t just stay cooped up in our apartment all the time, it’s not good for you.” She gives me a smirk, grabs my hand, and pulls me into the house. She knows my mixed emotions towards him, and she wants to see how the night is going to play out. Deep down, so do I, but I’m afraid of what’s to come. I roll my eyes as we stumble past the front door. I’m immediately hit by a wave of musty heat, and I crinkle my nose in disgust. What is this? A frat party? “Come on, let’s go get a drink!” Rose shouts over the music, and I nod in agreement. I’m definitely going to need a drink to get me through the night. Scratch that, I’ll need way more than one.

We head over to the kitchen to find that the island is covered with bottles of opened and unopened liquor and mixers. I grab a solo cup and begin to mix myself a drink. “Whoa, slow down there,” I hear his voice in front of me, and look up to see him standing a mere 6 inches away. My voice catches in my throat, but the second I take a drink out of my cup, I regain my confidence. I feel his eyes raking down my body, a twinge of lust in his gaze. Well, I guess the outfit did its job. I clear my throat, pulling him back to reality.

“Don’t let me have more than five of these,” I point at him jokingly and give him a knowing look, taking another big swig. I need to be at least a little drunk for this conversation. He laughs and shakes his head in fake disappointment.

“No promises, remember? You’re letting loose tonight,” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Mhm, yeah, I don’t remember saying that?” I say, a small grin on my lips. He laughs and opens his mouth to respond, but Rose cuts him off.

“I think we need to go dance,” she says, pouring more liquor in both of our cups, and then dragging me to the dance floor. Well, the living room. I look back to see if Harry was still there, and yes he was, staring at me with a not quite smirk on his lips. I felt a blush come on, and immediately turned around.

It felt like I’d been there for hours. Dancing, pouring more alcohol, then dancing some more. The room wasn’t quite spinning, but one more drink and it would be. “I need the bathroom!” I yell over the pounding music.

“What?” Rose responds, and I shake my head.

“I’ll be right back,” I say, and as I turn to leave I notice Rose is dancing with Harry’s friend. I knew it would happen, it was just a matter of time. She’s had eyes for him all year, and when she sets her sight on someone, she always finishes. Can’t wait to wake up with him in my kitchen tomorrow morning.

I squeeze through the crowd toward the back of the house, where there’s a staircase that leads upstairs. There has to be a bathroom up there, right? I stumble up the steps and open the door to the first room I find. Immediately hearing moans, I slam the door shut without even looking to see who it was. Gross, lock the door next time please. I move to another room down the hall. The door flies open to reveal Harry laying on his bed, his head whips to my direction, and a smirk overtakes his features. “Well hello to you too,” he says, sitting up in his bed. The drunkness in me tells me to go inside, and I listen. What are you doing?

“Sorry, I was just looking for the bathroom. I—“

“You look like you’ve definitely had more than five,” Harry chuckles. He stands from his bed and makes his way over to me. I go to walk toward him, and trip over the chair sitting at his desk. Shit, I really should have been keeping track. Harry grabs me, and once I’m steadied, I take one look at his face and pull away. This is exactly the situation I didn’t want to end up in tonight. “That’s the second time I’ve saved you from your own clumsiness today. Shall we start keeping count?” He jokes.

“Ha ha, very funny,” I say sarcastically, avoiding his face. I know the second we make eye contact, I’ll just melt. And thats exactly what he wants. “Why are you even up here? The party is downstairs, not in your room,” God, why do I sound like such a dumbass right now?

“I just needed a break, it gets a bit too loud for my liking, so I come up here to let my head settle,” he answers. I nod, and stare at my feet, unsure of what to say or do next. The pounding music vibrates through the walls of his surprisingly clean bedroom, and I feel my heartbeat quicken in my chest just at the sound of his breath a few feet in front of me. I look up at him. His eyes lock with mine, and my heart feels as if it’s about to burst. Unintentionally, my eyes widen at the sight of his beautiful features. When I’m drunk, everything is heightened. My sensitivity to his presence and the effect his bone structure has on me is unintentional and unwanted. I watch his hands as he cracks his knuckles and he chuckles when he sees my response to his mere being. The curves of his soft, pink lips call out to mine as he says, “you okay?” I can hear the smirk in his voice. The effect he has on me is unnatural, and as much as I try to resist him, I can’t.

"I don't feel anything for you, you know," I blurt out randomly and confidently. “So whatever you think you’re doing here, it’s not working.” Well, it sounded much more confident in my head than it did when I said it aloud. Where did that even come from? He asked me if I was okay, not if I was in love with him. This was more of an attempt to convince myself than him. If I could say it out loud, maybe that would make it true. His laugh rolls deeply in his chest, and he takes a step closer. I take a step back.

"Are you sure about that?" Another step closer. Another step back. His eyes burn holes into mine as he walks, and I become afraid of what little control I have over myself in this moment. Who just blurts something like that out randomly? Crazy people, thats who. I feel myself becoming overpowered by his figure, but still try to defend my useless attempts denying my feelings.

"Y-yes," I say, it was meant to be a statement, though it came out as more of a question. Another step forward. Another step back. I stumble backward until my back hits the wall. Trapped, with nowhere to go. A reckless smirk overtakes his beautiful features as he takes his last step towards me.

With only centimeters between us, he bends down so his face is level with mine, fists like pillars securely fastened on the wall above my head. His uneven breaths fan over my face, and the immediate smell of what I have come to realize is his regularly chewed spearmint gum mixed with vodka fill my nostrils. I take in a shaky breath. I’ve never been this close to him, and my fuzzy thoughts are attempting to make sense of what’s happening. I feel something in me shift, almost as if my confidence decided to make its presence known in my moment of weakness.

"Because it really doesn't seem that way," he taunts, his jade eyes peering into my brown ones. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as his gaze intensifies. Every bone in my body tells me to resist him, but I swallow back the nerves rising in my throat, grab him by the collar of his shirt, and crash my lips into his.

#i just really miss frat boy harry okay leave me alone #harry styles #harry styles imagine #frat boy harry #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfiction #harry blurb #harry styles fic #one direction #harry fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles one shot #love on tour #harry imagine #harry fluff

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revlyncox · 4 years ago

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Responding

Some of us may be anticipating stressful situations, and are looking for skills in de-escalation. The first step is to de-escalate our own minds and hearts. How can we respond rather than react when our earliest instincts tell us to fight or flee? This Platform Address was written for the Washington Ethical Society, December 6, 2020, by Lyn Cox.

If you’ve got a young child in your life, you may be familiar with the book, Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus by Mo Willems. I think about this story sometimes when I’m evaluating my own capacity to make good decisions. In the story, there is a bus driver on a break, and a pigeon who really, really, really wants to drive the bus at top speed through traffic, taking corners on two wheels, drifting and spinning out as he dramatically brakes at the end of the journey. It is the pigeon’s dream to be a stunt bus driver. The reader’s job, in this book, is to hold the boundary, and prevent the pigeon from driving the bus. It is part of Mo Willem’s brilliance that the reader is an active participant in the story, making it more dramatic and engaging. Holding the boundary is frustrating for the pigeon, but helps everyone stay safer, and can give the reader a sense of accomplishment.

When I’m applying this story in my own life, I am the pigeon. I am also the bus driver, and the other passengers, and the reader. I imagine that my life, my choices, the person I am who is going about their day is a bus. Inside the bus are my thoughts, my feelings, my memories, my goals, my embodied senses, my impulses, and all of the other things that swim around in my mind and heart and body. All of those things belong on the bus, they are part of me. That being said, the pigeon is not the right candidate for driving the bus. The pigeon is not able to take responsibility for the safety of others, the pigeon is all about impulse. The pigeon can be on the bus, my impulses are part of me, and I can take note of what they are saying without letting them be in charge. If my life is a bus, the part of me that watches and reflects and exercises discernment in my choices is tasked with listening to the pigeon, helping the pigeon get what it truly needs, but not allowing the pigeon to drive the bus. Occasionally habit or routine can drive the bus, but not for too long if we’re trying to be safe. Logic can drive the bus if it’s listening to the other passengers. Love can drive the bus. But I try not to let the pigeon drive the bus.

I do not always succeed at preventing the pigeon from driving the bus. Sometimes I make a split-second decision on social media that I shouldn’t. Sometimes I open an email that I know I will be better able to deal with in another state of mind. Sometimes I snap at people I care about. This is part of being human. I make amends as best I can and resolve to do better. And part of what we’re here to do together is to bring out the best in each other, and therefore in ourselves. I’m trying to keep the pigeon in the passenger seat more often, and to create space to make it easier for other pigeons to stay out of the driver’s seat of their vehicles.

I bring this up because I have been hearing a lot of questions about what we do with conflict, and also a few questions about what we do when all of us are working with limited capacity. This has been a hard year. The challenges of grief, of unemployment, of illness, of uncertainty have left us with fewer emotional resources for handling our relationships with skillfulness and care. Sometimes the questions about conflict are about the big picture, such as how to we move on when people we’re connected with disagree deeply, or how do we begin to repair the damage when we don’t all have the same strategy for healing, or how do we continue the work of liberation as a united community when not everyone has caught up to the urgent need for that work. Sometimes the questions about conflict are specific, hoping to be prepared to intervene in cases of harassment on the street or online, or expecting arguments about the results of the election, or what to do with the family member who continues to disrupt the family Zoom get-togethers with their aggressive assertions of misinformation. Sometimes the questions about conflict are about how we can learn from our everyday experiences, the clashes we have with the people we are closest to when we’re frazzled. Though I hope the coming year will be better than the one we are leaving behind, there is still more conflict in our lives than we may wish.

Let’s be clear that not all conflict is bad. Conflict can be generative. Conflict can provide the creative combustion that helps us to articulate our values, compare ideas, and come up with new solutions. Peace is not the absence of conflict, peace is a state of being when we operate with justice and compassion, each rooted in our values, each treating the other person with respect, each accepting accountability when our choices do not match our values. We can disagree, we can debate, we can struggle for understanding, and still be at peace. If we try to suppress generative conflict, if we try to superficially soothe the agitated and appease aggressors, we may end up with a conflict that is quiet but that eats away at the foundations of community; that’s not the same thing as peace. We make room for conflict to be generative when we bring humility and relationality, when we are more committed to our values than to being someone who is always right.

Our task, then, is to help shape conflict to be generative rather than destructive. That’s not going to be possible in every instance; we need to be able to get to a place of mutual respect, it is very hard to have a generative conflict when one or more parties approach one or more of the other parties in a dehumanizing way. But that work of shaping can be worth a try, and at the very least we might be able to help redirect a conflict to reduce the harm being done to the most vulnerable person in that situation. Lowering the temperature, raising the level of relationship and connection, setting the stage for a shared understanding of values, all of these things can help. In short, when the bus is headed into a conflict, we want love in the driver’s seat, not the pigeon.

This process is also called de-escalation. In de-escalation, we shape conflict so that the heightened tension that leads people to act out of fear and anger relaxes, so that we can engage in the discussion from a place of wisdom, and choose actions that align with our goals and our values. In the weeks leading up to the election, I did a couple of online training sessions to refresh my de-escalation skills. The Poor People’s Campaign, the Election Defenders, and Faith and Public Life were all gathering people to get ready for a variety of scenarios. We didn’t know what was going to happen, but we anticipated that November and December would be difficult, and full of emotion and tension, and that our communities would need people of conscience to help redirect angry, fearful, impulsive energy into channels that are more conducive to right relationship. I hope we can engage with more training together at WES in the coming months.

We don’t have time for me to share everything I learned, but I would like to share the one thing that was the first principle in each training: Before we de-escalate a conflict involving other people, we have to de-escalate ourselves. The peace in our hearts, commitment to our values, and intentionality in our actions that we bring with us are the most important things we can contribute to de-escalating a situation. If we try to rescue or take over or suppress a conflict situation when we are acting based in fear or hurt or anger, we may do more harm than good. That doesn’t mean fear and hurt and anger aren’t real, or even that they aren’t important parts of ourselves (they are, indeed, important parts of ourselves), it means we have to process those feelings so that they are not leading us into poor choices. Don’t let the pigeon drive the bus.

For that to work, to give ourselves that ability to process so that we can lead from love and wisdom, we need to slow down. I find that some of my worst mistakes in escalating conflict come when I engage hastily. When I don’t take time to think before I respond verbally, when I add a comment in the spur of the moment, when I send an email riding on a wave of emotion rather than leaving in my drafts folder until a reasonable hour the next business day - those are the times when I’m most likely to raise tension and move a conflict further away from the generative zone.

To give ourselves time to de-escalate our own minds and hearts in response to a tense or conflicted situation, let’s be critical of an internal sense of urgency. Sometimes things really are an emergency, and so we tread as carefully as we can as we engage in the moment. But it’s worth a second thought to examine whether something feels like an emergency because it ignites our emotions and actually isn’t an emergency, or whether something is both time sensitive and of great importance to a person or an organization’s wellbeing. Not everything that makes us anxious requires our immediate action.

This is why I took the Facebook app off of my phone. Social media pushes a sense of urgency, because urgency is how the social media outlet keeps the attention of users for their own profit. The fast pace of social media makes people think they have to respond in real time to a comment stream rather than thinking or reflecting. Misinformation spreads quickly, because it fits an emotional story of urgency. Social media conversations do not wait for the people with the most accurate data, nor does the venue make clear whether all of the stakeholders are in the room at that moment. I do use social media, but I try to remain aware of how I’m feeling when I use it. For me, I make more reasoned choices when I’m on a device with an external keyboard than when I’m on my phone.

Slowing down also gives us time to be curious, and to examine our assessment of a situation. Are things as they appear when we are at our most agitated? Does our initial impression match all of the available data? Is everyone here OK, or is there some hurt under the surface? What information might we be missing? Could we be anticipating an outcome that might turn out differently? There is a lot we don’t know, and even if pausing for a moment or a day doesn’t fill in all of the gaps, we may be able to take note of our assumptions.

In this morning’s story, the farmer held off on declaring any given event as good luck or bad luck. Sometimes we don’t know what’s going to happen, or what the impact will be of current events. That doesn’t mean we should never act, but it does mean that focusing on potential or imagined catastrophes might be less strategic than focusing on the facts on the ground right now.

In one of the training sessions I attended, Rev. Rosie Washington urged us to think about our purposes for engaging in tense or conflicted situations. She was speaking specifically about nonviolent action aimed at making change for justice. I believe the same is true for any conflicted situation we may be approaching. What is our purpose in engaging? She offered these key questions:

What compels me to participate?

Why am I choosing to participate?

Who are my people?

How do I need to show up to achieve the stated goal of my people?

What compels me to participate? To me, this is a question about the values that undergird our motivations to act. This isn’t a simple “why,” it’s what compels you. What is so important to you that you can do no other than make a choice to engage in something that is uncomfortable? Is it a promise you made, or a deeply held belief, or love for your neighbor? There is something at the core of who you are, maybe the still, small voice of conscience, or maybe the mission statement you have committed to for your life, that leads you into places that are not easy but are nevertheless important.

Why am I choosing to participate? This is a question about goals and tactics. Where is the power in this situation, and what is the best way to shift the power toward justice? This is also a question about our state of mind. Are we looking to build a better community, or are we looking for revenge? Rev. Washington said that if we don’t have a goal in mind, we can’t effectively de-escalate. Let’s reflect on our reasons for engaging in conflict or action.

Who are my people? Whose lives are we hoping to improve, who has entrusted us with a role that entails engaging with this particular conflict, to whom are we accountable in our choices about how we engage? Who will be impacted by our choices? Who are we in conversation with as we act together? Who has articulated the principles and values and goals of the community that we represent as we engage with conflict? This is a question about relationships. Moving a conflict toward the generative zone is, in part, about lifting up relationships.

How do I need to show up to achieve the stated goals of my people? How will I carry myself? How will my choices further our shared goals? What techniques will I use on myself to maintain a commitment to nonviolence in moments of adversity? How will I draw from shared tradition? Again this is about connection and relationship as well as self-awareness. De-escalation is not individualism, it is not about being an isolated hero. De-escalation is a recognition that we are all in relationship with one another, that what happens to one affects us all. Remembering the parts of Ethical Culture that you most value may help you to show up as your whole, wise self in times of stress.

These four discernment questions point to the importance of knowing ourselves in body and mind. Before we even begin to engage with conflict, practicing self-awareness helps us to be intentional about how we show up and the energy we bring to a situation. We want to lead with love and our values, that does not happen by accident.

As I’m sure you know, when humans are agitated, when we are angry or fearful, we are more likely to engage our amygdala, the part of our brain that governs our response to an immediate threat. This is where our fight-or-flight response comes from. There are two more responses that might come from that instinctive response to threat, freeze or appease. We can thank our amygdala for trying to keep us safe in a stressful situation, but these impulses are not always the wisest choices when we are dealing with the tensions of the modern age. Helping to guide a conflict away from dehumanization and toward the generative zone requires different techniques than escaping from a saber-tooth tiger. But our bodies can be very convincing when we think or feel like we are under threat, and so we need to be ready to reassure our bodies that we can handle the problem a different way.

It’s good to know yourself and your body’s responses to stress. What posture do you tend to take when you start feeling like fear or anger is moving into the driver’s seat? What is the rhythm of your breathing like? What do you do with your hands? Is there a sensation in your body, like feeling flush in your face, or a twinge in your heart? These might be signals that your body is operating in fight-flight-freeze or appease-mode. We might call this being activated. Let your body give you information about how you are feeling. Honor the wonder of a body that has adapted to help you in an emergency. Notice what might be true about your feelings - perhaps a boundary has been violated, or perhaps you are taking a risk - and then let the feelings take a seat on the passenger side.

The good news is that, often, our bodies respond to a conscious effort to change. When the Mindfulness Group leads Platform on December 27, I’m sure they will go into this in more depth, so I’ll just make a brief mention today. When we notice that our breathing is shallow, and our body language is defensive, we can choose to slow our breathing and release tension in our bodies. Making that conscious choice interrupts the instinctive feedback loop, and signals to your brain to downgrade the perceived threat level. Your executive function can re-engage. Breathe in a way that is comfortable and nourishing for your body. Perhaps, in a time of stress, you will remember one of the meditations we’ve used on Sunday morning during Platform. Relax your jaw muscle. Release the tension in your shoulders. Remember the inherent worth and dignity of every person. Then you can return to the challenge at hand.

Self-awareness also extends to our habits of mind. Again, I look forward to hearing from the Mindfulness Group later this month. Briefly, though, let’s think about what we know about our own tendencies. In moments of mindfulness, we are able to maintain awareness of the present moment while calmly acknowledging and accepting our feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations. Each of us has some specific and personal things that are especially powerful in distracting us from practicing mindfulness. I don’t like being cold, because it reminds me of times when I didn’t feel like I had the resources to thrive. When I notice feeling cold, I also acknowledge that association, and I can let both the sensation and the fear of scarcity go. For other people, there might be personal challenge in dogs barking, or a car door slamming, or diminishing light, or the smell of decay. When we know ourselves well enough to realize that certain stimuli are tailored to push us off-center, it is easier to notice those factors and respond with resilience.

Knowing our bodies, our minds, our values, and our shared purpose are all helpful preparations for approaching a tense or conflicted situation. We each have our own vulnerabilities when it comes to putting love and wisdom in the driver’s seat, yet we also have an entire busload of assets for helping to move situations of tension away from dehumanization and toward generative, relationship-building, problem-solving discussion. Being part of an Ethical Culture community provides us with role models and opportunities to practice bringing out the best in each other and therefore in ourselves. There are people among us whose expertise and experience we can consult when we slow down and take the time to examine a problem together. There is a tradition of rigorous thought, intentions for justice, and loving action that can help us to stay grounded in times of adversity. Guided by our shared values and shared agreements, rooted in love, and taking our time, we are capable as a community of shaping tension into opportunities for growth. May it be so.

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christinaroseandrews · 6 years ago

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How Line Editing Can Make Your Story Stronger -- From a Line Editor

Hi everyone! If you follow this blog and read our book reviews then you know a lot of times one of our big complaints is the story could use a better editor. We don’t often state what kind of editing is needed (unless it’s a proofreader/copy editor), but a lot of the time what’s needed is a line edit.

So what is a line edit?

A line edit is where an editor (or an author if they aren’t too close to the writing) goes through the text with a fine tooth comb looking for things that bog the text down. Things like repetitive phrasing, weak verbs/words, similar sentence structure. Line edits look for overused words, cliches, and telling vs. showing.

A line edit is not a content edit. It is not a developmental edit. It is not a sensitivity edit. It’s not a proofread/copy edit.

Its purpose is to make your prose stronger. More interesting. While leaving the core plots, words, and ideas.

So how does it work?

Well... I’m going to show you using a U.S.A. Today Bestselling author’s opening 300 words. This is not my writing. I am using a very small sample as an example for educational purposes.

Now that the fair use jargon is out of the way. Here we go.

----

I happened across this while trying to find something to read. I didn’t like the opening, and I couldn’t figure out why. So I took off my reader’s hat, put on my editor’s hat, fired up google docs, and got to work.

When I was done, I had a document that looked something like this:

Let’s break this down. (You also get to see my fandom name, which I am very open about so if you like reading Hunger Games AUs or Soulmates stuff or a diary fic where Tom Riddle gives Ginny Weasley the facts of life you can hunt me down!)

First Paragraph:

The opening starts in the wrong place and doesn’t flow smoothly. And I noticed pretty early on that this author (assuming it isn’t a ghostwriter which is possible considering the author’s release schedule of 10+ books a year) has very repetitive phrasing.

Now onto the second paragraph of my edit.

One of the first things I noticed were the weak verbs. The repeated “Walk” permutations. And, of course, the similar sentence structure. I also wanted to break it up. Add some drama. Heighten the tension. And you can do that with short paragraphs and even one sentence paragraphs. Here are my edits and rationales.

All of that I parsed from the original first paragraph. The words are still mostly Croix’s (or her ghostwriter’s), I just moved a few around, tightened a few verbs, and got rid of what looked like unintentional repetition.

Now we’re onto the original second paragraph which has a lot going on with it. Like the original first paragraph, the second needs a lot of work to make it flow nicely. (It also needed a proofreader, but we’ll get to that.)

It may not look like I changed much, but I what I did change mattered.

the last two edits are technically a sensitivity edit, but it’s a very minor one. It’s more about making Harper a little more real.

The last tells me this wasn’t proofread. There’s more wrong tenses in this.

And there’s two more grammar errors and another mistake that tells me that the person writing this wasn’t British and didn’t use a Brit-picker. When editing, any editor worth their salt will ask you what vernacular you’re going for. While technically not part of a line edit, most line editors will point this kind of thing out. And this is where I get annoyed -- if fanfic authors (particularly in the Harry Potter fandom) who write for fun are expected to have Brit-pickers (and vice versa) the same should be expected for published works. *gets off the soapbox*

On to the why I stopped for a grammar lesson about commas... Basically if there is only one of something be it a book, a brother, or a fiancee as is the case here, commas need to be used to set them off because it is considered non-essential information. There’s a really good guide HERE that explains why - just jump to rule 6.

Continuing with this paragraph.

I want to point out, the way this author did the flashback wasn’t bad. It just needed to be set off more and put in the right tense. People do have flashbacks. This is how you do them.

To finish up we have this.

That’s the first 300 words of J.H. Croix’s Big Win.

So what does the finished line edit look like?

I think it’s tighter. More dramatic and a better hook. The words are still mostly Croix’s (or her ghostwriter, I’m not judging) but they’re now stronger. I took out the unintentional repetition. I hit a few grammar problem spots (right now this book would be heading toward losing a star for the grammar errors alone).

It may look like I rewrote the thing, but I didn’t. I used what was there. These aren’t my words. Sure I added a sentence here and there, but mostly for clarification or to combine two clunky sentences into one.

Also with line edits, most of the suggestions are just that -- suggestions. It’s an opinion. If the author decided that they liked the wall of text and subject-verb-direct object sentence structure, then that’s okay. They don’t have to take the changes. However, what is important is that the author looks at them. Thinks about them. In many cases a line edit can help pinpoint what I call ‘crutches.’ Every writer, EVERY SINGLE WRITER, has a go-to sentence structure. Every single writer has a favorite rule they like to break. Every single writer has words they default to or use as filler. And most writers don’t have the distance to see these things.

That’s why you need a line editor. It’s a huge eye-opener. Even I, a line editor, still get line edits done for my work.

Also a few final notes: you’ll notice I did some proofreading and sensitivity editing in my line edit. That’s because I tend to see them as going hand-in-hand. They don’t always, and it can vary from editor to editor. Line editing is also more in-depth than proofreading for most editors so will take longer. A good rule of thumb is that a professional editor can edit approximately 5-9 pages an hour for copy editing or 1500 words/hour. Content editing tends to be 1-5 pages an hour or about 750 words/hour. This will also vary from editor to editor. Here’s a good guide... no matter what do not expect someone to be able to turn around 50,000 word manuscript in a week that may be approximately 34 hours of work, but most editors have other jobs, other clients, and may need to pause to research something... especially if your editor is fact-checking for rooting out anachronisms (which we do in the line edit phase).

No matter what, you should always have another set of eyes do one last proofread/copy edit after you do a line edit. And it shouldn’t be your line editor. They’re too close to the text, and it’s not their job to go that granular.

I hope that helps!

If you like more posts like this, consider buying us a coffee. If you want to look into hiring us to edit your work, you can visit our website.

Later!

--Lark/FanficAllergy/One Half of Christina Rose Andrews

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