#and i think its because of how science hs

[orangerainforest]

x

[absolutebl]

Recs for Uni or HS BLs where studying impacts plot

My ask box is bonkers, sometimes I get a message in email saying someone asked a question and then when I check on the hellsite itself, it's gone... (What does this MEAN?)

Anygay...

@sagi-kari asked a question:

Do you have any recs for Uni or HS BLs where the main focus is studying or study related (they have to actually do the thing). Like LITA with Rain's studies being a caveat to their relationship or Big Dragon with Mangkorn's New York internship/job idr.

Basically, the study needs to be an important thing to the narrative.

This is a doozie and I'm only gonna rec stuff I rated over 8/10

University & HS BL Revolving Around Study

Semantic Error - class conflict is the inciting event, and this is one of my favorite BLs of all time. So yeah, it tops the list. I am assuming you have watched it because EVERYONE must watch this little pice of perfect. Full review here.

Blueming - the school project is the source of the conflict, this is a complicated chewy very thoughtful BL, longer than normal for Korea. If you enjoy things like The 8th Sense you might like this. Full review here.

Love Class - the whole show is about a manufactured relationship as part of a social science class experiment. Full review here.

You Make Me Dance - I mean it's a dance major so no actual book study but yeah, it's there he has to win a dance scholarship as a main part of the plot. I've never done a full review of this, and frankly that's an oversite. Time for a rewatch?

HIStory 2: Right or Wrong - it's about a teacher student relationship so...

Addicted: Heroin - especially the first half, I know what you're thinking, but also, THINK about it. It's all within a class from environment for most of the first 6 eps. I believe it counts. This is, without question, the best BL China has ever produced. FIGHT ME.

Destiny Seeker - an under appreciated pulp that is basically predicated on the university sorting hat. I have great affection for this hot mess, including all the sides. Mostly takes place within and around the complexities of dorm life. Full review here.

Kiss Me Again series (BL cut) + Dark Blue Kiss (AKA the PeteKao series staring TayNew) - it's not necessarily a driver but engineering and study is actual integral in a setting as character kind of way. And there is a lot of "make-out while studying." Plus we in the TayNew renauances and I have great affection for their original series. Everyoen shoudl watch it. Here's the watch guide.

HS BL - not exactly study, but sorta & they really good

Light On Me - Another one of my absolute favorite BLs, but it's about the school government club, not actual study. Full review here.

Love Sick - if you count club activities. I just got a full load up of this series with new subs, so I was going to do a watch along in honor of 2024 (its 10th anniversary). I am still considering it.

My School President - also, if you count extra-curricular & club activities. Another BL that i absolutely adore. No full review but I did have a long discussion on how this plays into Thailand's new norm in BL here.

Takara & Amagi - ugh I love this show so much but it's more about popularity and social acceptance in HS than studing, full review here.

About Youth - if you count external parental pressure to over achieve, another underappreciated gem, this time for Taiwan. Full review here.

I dithered...

Bad Buddy - maybe, I mean departmental conflict is a large part of the story, plus high school back story club activities, but there is very little study. Full review here.

Please feel free to add more on a RP or in comments, but remember my codicil was I have to have personally rated it over 8/10 so your baby might not be on here because it wasn't to my personal taste.

(source)

[the-s1lly-corner]

spot that meets a autistic reader, that is talkative to themselves, but has poor social skills because (lack of good parenting + bullys, but is very smart and loves art and engineering, and dreams to be a scientist one day.. it could began as the reader first feared him over an awkward moment? to opening up about themselves and the reader's obsessive fascination over him. two very talented ppl that only wants to be appreciated, respected and loved...💔

idk is it to much?? bruh I'm trying to be creative😭 I'd be happy with whatever happens!. aNd TaKe yO tiME!! On irl things and beloved spotty <3

Spot w/ an autistic reader!

Rubs my autistic little hands

Feeling a lil drowsy but I wanna chuck this out before I fall asleep for (possibly) the next 7 hours :3

Not proof read we die like Peter Parker <\\3 we are sleepy and tumblr wont let me save drafts for asks <\3

Obligatory "I like this character so I'm hcing him to be ND like me" touch

He gets it

Anyways

I think to help make the whole thing less jarring, or whatever, is that you may have known each other vaguely before the collider incident

You weren't a scientist at alchemax, more like.

Well shoot I just forgot the term but like, you work there, but you dont do hands on experiments, not experienced enough yet

Intern?

Maybe, idk

Obviously you don't work there anymore after the collider blowing up, so... you're looking for a new job

You knew about Jonathan, but you weren't friends

You had also heard rumors about what happened to him but you kinda dismissed it as cruel rumors surrounding his death.. I mean no one could've survived that explosion.. right?

So imagine your surprise when you end up almost getting robbed by spot

Can you blame him? He hasnt found another job since the accident and hes probably living off of pity handouts; likely homeless

Now hand over the wallet!!/j

No but on the semi likely chance that you manage to defuse the situation, given Spot sucks as a criminal, you just bluntly ask if the whole

Rumor thing is true

I mean obviously it is but confirmation is important

After a few more chance encounters, you guys both finally decide to properly sit down and talk

Its tense and awkward at first since 1. How does one even act around someone like spot? He's vulnerable but also trying to do the whole. Revenge thing... And 2. Hes desperate for human interaction and it SHOWS, it's almost uncomfortable actually

But you both trudge past it and make it work

One meet up turns into two then three; then you discover how much hes struggling and

Now you're roomates

Oh my god they were roommates/ref

Anyways, that's the set up!! It kinda felt wrong to just. Jump into it without some explanation on how yall end up in the same area consistently

Doesnt mind that you mumble to yourself, he probably does the same thing. From muttering things to keep his train of thought to having a personal monologue, I wholeheartedly believe he does the same thing

Hs understands how it feels to be. Not treated very good, he likely wasnt the most respected in alchemax so it's not uncommon for the two of you to have vent sessions where you both let it all out

You ask him about his journey to becoming a scientist and not so subtly ask for advice on how to get into the field; and touching onto the whole human interaction thing, hes more than willing to talk your ear off about his entire career history

On the chance you dont want to do physics stuff, and you wanna do another branch of science he's all ears on listening to you ramble, may even lend a hand in getting you to where you need to be career wise

Yall do at home experiments as bonding stuff

Look if spot can make a mini collider in some building then I can only imagine the type of shit yall get up to at home

Oh? You're still curious about.. him? Of all things, him?

He never thought anyone would look at him with interest; usually its disgust or fear, or both

Hes hesitant at first because what if you discover something that'll totally change your view of him?

Takes (some, a little) coaxing

Bro caves fast, he misses physical touch

"So like, these holes-" you proceed to just. Dip your entire fist into a hole and watch said fist pop out from another hole

The demons are telling me to make reader like

Make it a game to try to throw stuff through his holes but I feel like that would be really mean, no one likes stuff getting thrown at them

Please dont throw stuff through his holes :(

Random but like

Idk if this happens with yall but

If someone stims do yall. Like stim back

Like I have vocal stims and mess with my hands; and sometimes my friend will be prompted to stim if I stim??

Idk but yall do that

OHOH before I post this if you're both comfy with physical touch please please please hold him, it's been so so long since someone has hugged him and he really really needs it :(

[marsti]

ok so ive been thinking of having a general horror movies tag because i like to have a system but i dont really know how id implement it logistically

1) do i put everything in it? what abt the saw franchise. the saw franchise is horror but i also have a dedicated tag for it and if i put it in a general horror tag then half that tag would be saw. is that fair to other horror movies? shouldnt they get more of a chance?

2) do i still tag movies individually? thats a lot of work. sure i have the #hs tag that i use for all of the homestuck franchise and then separate tags for each of its components (#homestuck, #hse, #hiveswap, &c &c) and even use for fanworks (eg my now very rarely used #ve tag since i fell off) but i only do it like that cuz this is primarily a homestuck blog. if this was a cinema blog that level of granularity would make sense! but movies arent the focus of marsti dot tumblr dot com

3) how do i even count horror. is cube (1997) horror? i like it for its horror elements but it is mainly a thriller. in the same way nope (2022) is 100% an alien encounter science-fiction action movie with very slight horror elements but is "has a scary scene in it" really enough to count? just because it's directed by jordan peele? and like jordan peele used to be primarily known as a comedy actor people can make art in multiple genres you know

4) what abt franchises? cube 2: hypercube (2002) is definitely not horror, its pure sf, but it IS part of the cube franchise so if i were to put cube (1997) in a general horror tag then i would have to make a call on how to treat franchises that started as horror and then changed genres. also i know i literally have a friday the 13th tattoo and that would make way more sense to illustrate this particular problem but i just really like cube ok

so anyway yeah thats where i am with this

[takaraphoenix]

hi, this isnt about fandom but I saw your life story and im somewhere around mid or my twenties rn and it feels unreal. I don't have a job, don't know what I want to do with my life bc I have like 10 different passions not including drawing which I like only in specific moods, and my relationships with most of the passions I have is me bicycling through them, all 10s, and I decided, whew I don't know what to fucking do! I got bach on business bc I thought it was a generic degree for a generic person like me who was on a bad place in hs (depressed and all) so I just took the deal for business school bc I thought it was generic enough and it seems everyone I knew nudged me there. My family works in banks, has finance or business degrees and maybe its weird im the one artsy kid who has relatives knee deep in banking business industries and doctors and science fields then I'm the one artsy kid who has no idea what to do bc I can do a lot of things, likes all of them enough and decided idk anymore... how do you discover what you want to do and how did you start to work for the company?

I discovered what I wanted to do fully on accident honestly. Like, with two useless Bachelor's degrees and no work experience, there isn't a whole lot you can do. Temp agencies always hire and I kind of... jumped into the cold, deep end on just trying.

I hated the agency, let's be clear. That was. That was a shit-show. But the job I got through the agency showed me that yeah no, this is fun, I can do this, I like doing this.

So, after, I started looking for jobs in that vein.

I do think that the temp agency was a good way of getting a feel for things, for me at least.

And then I just genuinely got lucky by my alma mater being very, very open. The fact that they hire people without work experience on the philosophy that you have to be taught how to do your individual job anyway and that the qualifications required for the job title are usually fairly useless because the individual job does differ from what you learn there? Which is a mentality I think more employers need.

The best advise I can give really is to just... try. Because you won't know if you like something or not until you did try it.

Maybe not immediately dive into full employment on everything? Try internships, maybe? Do an internal inventory of what you can realistically see yourself doing every day, for the unforeseeable future, make a list of the things you can and can't see yourself do and then, well, look into what kind of jobs require the things you enjoy. That's what I did, at least.

I hope I could help somewhat and I hope you will find your way <3

[writingfromasgard]

ur being harsh over someone not liking your headcanons. its not like they attacked anyone.

Reference to this post, im guessing

You like X thing and then someone comes in saying, "You're just trying to be QuIrKy". You start to feel guilty about enjoying it until you decide you have to abandon it. Someone will always have something to say until you're left with not knowing what the fuck you enjoy because you don't want to be labeled as 'being quirky' for attention.

I'm not being harsh. I do not like it when people make fun of others. I don't like bullies and that's what those two CHILDREN were doing. They don't like the fact over 5000 users on this site related to a geeky wife HC for John Price.

I want to present a different HC for Price's wife, one that's closer to what I think he'd like. A woman who might be smarter than him, might not even realize it because there are literal studies on how smart women are treated. Here's another one.

What those two assholes did was judge people because they can't relate to a headcanon because they don't remember their HS science.

[mostlymaudlin]

Top 5 vs Personal 5

List your top 5 fics ranked by kudos on AO3. are you surprised by what's most popular to your readers? then provide your ranking of your personal top 5 fics, and tag a few fellow writers!

ty for the tag @sillyunicorn :D this is cute and also interesting. i tag @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade @fortheloveofexy @nanatsuyu @justadreamfox @jaydreams @halfpintpeach

im actually going to do my Personal 5 first because that's what i want above the read more cut 😂 no one is escaping looking at my babies.

Thorns (E), 18k, andreil // a post-canon fic where andrew and neil cope with doing a long distance relationship when u both have fatal levels of attachment issues lol. i spent a stupid long time on this fic for the word count, but there is love in every single word. i like this universe bc it's what i want for post-canon andreil. no one gave them the tools for this shit, but i love the idea that they will always figure out how to be together, even if its messy.

No Turning Back (E), 31k, andreil // this is perhaps recency bias, but i think this is the best thing ive ever written. i have a hard time summarizing it.. but it's an au where the conflict is almost entirely in andrew's head, which of course means he Causes Many Problems. i actually built this fic out from Andrew's fucked up internal journey, which was cool for me -- like, the main plot was developed to fit his character arc. i think that's probably not rocket science or unique but it was my first time doing it that way!

We Can Live Forever (T), 46k, andreil // i used to not like hs aus and then i wrote a huge one lol. its childhood best friends-lovers, and centered on this ridiculous lip sync serenade fundraiser ?? i made them all dance. a lot. sometimes its serious, but its mostly very silly. i wrote it w the intention of giving people that "read until 4am screaming into ur pillow bc cute aggression" feeling that so many fics have given me, and the feedback ive gotten implies ive succeeded, so im rly proud of that!!

Stoner AU (E), 21k, snowbaz // i'm cheating a bit because this is a series, but i almost consider this thing to be like a collection of sitcom episodes lol. it's a normal au, simon is a weed guy and baz buys from him and also falls in love w him. theres a lot of penny and shep and its all just very FUNNY imo. and they are all so fucking devoted to each other in kind of unhinged ways. i love rereading these fics.

I'll Come Back To You (T), 6.9k, andreil // ok, for 1: that's the exact word count. every time i fix typos on rereads i have to edit it to preserve the wc. but 2: this fic is Not Silly or Smutty LOL. it's probably my plottiest/most serious fic in some ways -- it deals w, like, multiple dimensions ?? and amnesia. and loneliness. i'm proud of the ambiguity, because i tend to be a writer that punches you in the face with The Theme. this one leaves a lot for the reader to figure out (to the dissatisfaction of some commenters lol), but i like that you have to think about it a bit.

ok, AO3 Top 5 under the cut!

all of these are andreil, because aftg fandom is a lot bigger than carry on </3.

boyfriend privileges (T), 4k // i should not have been surprised that this did the numbers, but i was kind of shook when my ao3 inbox blew up like never before. it's fanfic catnip -- a 5+1 post-canon with resolvable angst interspersed with soft moments. i wrote it in like 2 days and didn't edit, and aint that just the way of ao3 lol.

flashes of intimacy (T), 7k // this is a series of fifteen <500 word fics that i add to pretty often, so it also makes sense that it's got a lot of readers! ive always been proud of my ability to write short, so it makes me happy that it's up here. it wld probs be #6 on my personal rating.

Inside Thoughts (T), 1.5k // andrew gets his wisdom teeth out and is a goober about it. one of my first aftg fics -- i think it's up here bc it's almost a year old. i am not passionate abt it tbh, i wrote it kind of as a joke one night while i was high lmfao

Do Not Disturb (T), 2k // another of my first aftg fics that i kind of dont care much about hahaha. it's another catnip situation, a post-canon moment where neil panics & unconsciously calls andrew, similarly to how he does in canon. and then they r soft <3

Tequila Sunrise (M), 4k // i know people love this one -- it's also my most bookmarked. it's fun!! drunk neil!! but i almost can't read it anymore lol. there's some prose im proud of in there, but there's also some lazy characterization choices i made bc i had no idea it would get so many hits. its hard for me as the Characterization Guy to reconcile that hahaha.

ok as usual that was long-winded as hell. i love 2 talk abt writing :) also i feel bad 4 the lack of snowbaz representation here lol, but i think that i'm 1. better at writing andreil and 2. have gotten a lot better at writing while i was unemployed the last few months. i think a lot abt taking snowbaz for another whirl now, but consider: then i wouldn't get to write abt Andrew Minyard :(

[chemblrish]

You are literally living my ideal life! (I dream of getting a degree in and working in chemistry) What are the drawbacks/ highlights of your work in university?

Hello!

I'm so happy to hear you want to major in chemistry :) It's a beautiful, fascinating science and the superior one at that. Keep in mind this is my experience as a first year student (and if any older chemistry students want to chime in, please do!)

Personally, I'm very much in love with my faculty, so it's hard to be totally objective snhfks but what I really enjoy about my studies is how I get to learn all the important concepts in depth. Everything I once learnt on a simplified surface level now I get to explore with more nuance: things like calculating pH, precipitation, solubility, it's all a lot more complex than what they can (understandably) tell you in school and it's really satisfying to be able to dig into that.

Speaking of calculations, I liked math a lot back in hs and I was good enough with it, but definitely not math student level - and I feel like chemistry is perfect for me, bc I get to do math nearly everyday, but it's not the terrifying kind that physicists deal with that hard (unless you choose theoretical chemistry I guess, but that's definitely not my sort of thing).

Then you have the practicals and it's so satisfying that you get to do everything yourself! First semester we mostly worked in groups bc we were babies, but now we work by ourselves and it's so cool to see how your manual skills improve, how much more comfortable you become working in lab, how what you learnt in lectures and what you learnt in practice come together.

I've always been very curious about the natural world and now I'm studying it with people who love what they do, who are extremely knowledgeable and intelligent, who want me to learn and succeed. Also, our puns are the best 😁

Now, for the drawbacks...

Back to seriousness though: I'm not sure if any of the cons I'm about to list are chemistry specific, I think being in uni is just Like That™️, but I'd say the failures hurt like crazy. Sometimes I study so hard and do my best but still get a low grade. Chemistry is a demanding major. And the thing is, everyone around is also working so hard, and it looks like you're surrounded by absolutely brilliant people (I know I am!), so your insecurities may really flare up.

Consistency and discipline are absolutely necessary - once you fall behind, it can be very difficult to catch up and I guess you can see how that gets stressful at times. Similarly, you need to be mindful about what you study - you come across a difficult topic, decide to skip it to save some precious time, and I can promise you that each one of those without a fail will come up sooner or later like the hiccups. Basics first. You need to grasp them well and not shy away from things you don't instantly understand.

Each semester is a bit different, but my second one in particular has been exhausting in terms of the number of classes I had to take. After 7h (and a million reactions...) in lab I still had to go to another class and wrestle with Excel, and the only reason I was able to come home afterwards and do Nothing™️ was because I'd spent the entire previous weekend studying.

Every major has its downsides though. I used to study something else (biotechnology if you're curious) and I hated it, so I think I'm a lot more aware of what I like and dislike now, what I can endure, and what I care about - and I've found out chemistry is something I care about deeply, something I can picture myself choosing over and over again if given the chance. That means the pros outweigh the cons for me.

I hope this answers your question and didn't bore you to death 😅

[chlorinecake]

Since we're asking about updates 🤔

I think you know what series I'm going to ask about no pressure or rush though because I understand how hard just hs can kick your butt I don't even want to think about how hard college must be I mean I got a science packet (he basically didnt twach or present anything avout it just put a pp online🙄and it had 63 slides) and he assigned 7 ck12s then i have a ag research assignment with just question another ag research project about things in my house an d a us history assignment about ww2 and the bomb its a debate and I didn't even get to choose my side but it's about the atomic bomb and it's interesting looking at both sides but also really sad and I had to do algebra work too but yeah how goes it

Me to instructors who come up with the most butt booty garbage assignments imaginable:

Best of luck to you m8 with all that work you’ve gotta manage moving forward 🤧 but yeah… school is really smth else ;-;

Abt Star Crossed Lovers tho 👀 … I’m slowly working on it here and there, but it’s still pretty far in draft form 😮‍💨 ~

[builtlikeastickofcelery]

I BROKE. TIME TO INFODUMP

FIRSTLY: this is mostly based off of 2012 with some rise influence.

In this au splinter is absent for most of their early lives due to him believing his kids would be safer without the foot targeting him (i promise there’s a plot to this but for now its gonna be silly). And since theres gonna be a plot thats about it ! Oh also they met april at 11 yrs old I think and Casey just a little bit before the story starts

ANWAY HAVE SOME BULLET POINTS

Casey tries to do their own facial piercings

The piercings almost always get infected

They have to go to donnie for help

April wears her iconic hat to hide her dark roots (shes not a real ginger!!)

Leo is technically the second-oldest they just have a complex

the turtles steal most of their food

April goes to a bouldering gym and can scale buildings

Casey plays roller derby

donnie is the oldest despite the fact that they’re all 15

None of them could cook until the age of 12

They all play dnd passionately

donnie is the oldest because he said he scientifically proved (lied) it and everyone else called dibs on who would be next oldest (raph and Leo agreed to tie)

now take some character blurb thingies that go by age

April: april is 16 and has a driver’s license (could technically be a junior in hs but she’s not), shes very cool and accidentally went ginger at some point then just decided she liked it?? No one knows. They go to a lot LOT of concerts and also rock climbs and she loves women. Also a drummer in a band called smth that i will figure out later. Definitely takes a lot of responsibility for the wellbeing of the turtles due to their situation but like subtly. they for sure got their own issues but chooses to ignore em a lot of the time. Only child (lameee)

Donnie: hes 15 and pretends hes biologically the oldest (he is not they’re all the same age). he made all the blueprints for the lair once it was decided it was too small. hes very good at stealing stuff which is how he gets most of his materials, learned how to hack into ATMS a while ago but thinks it’s morally wrong (only used in desperate measures). Doesn’t mind not being the leader since he knows his claims of being the oldest are total bs but definitely adopted an oldest child mentality. Keeps a lot of problems a secret from his “younger” brothers and mostly talks to april about it. Extremely silly. Main doctor but also very squeamish specifically about bones (not broken bones, just the concept). Purple everything. He has access to every one of his sibling’s internet accounts he just doesn’t tell them about it. Also the main cook, since he would try and read whatever books they could find in dumpsters, especially when they were kids. Shares leo’s space interests less because of a show and more because of science stuff. Didn’t like Casey at first but they got close super fast later on. He is the best thief out of all of them (shhhh).

Casey: also 15, in april’s grade. Knows april from Spanish tutoring despite the fact they’re latine (haha if im violently whiteified my little guys have to be too) very into punk subculture and roller derby and also engineering/mechanics (I’m very excited to show off his vigilante equipment). Constantly does dumb shit for no apparent reason. Very much similar to 2012 casey (says “thats so metal dudes” anytime anything horrifying/dangerous happens). They also have had weird unspoken tension with everyone completely by accident and cant stop falling off of buildings. They have zero fighting skills or training but somehow haven’t died yet. Missing one tooth, top of the mouth next to his right canine (replaced with a glow-in-the-dark plastic one don’t ask them how it stays in).

Leo: 15, self-proclaimed second oldest and leader. (they have a complex probably) they’re only the leader because [HAHAHAHA PLOT AND BACKSTORY] and everyone else just stuck with it. They try very very hard to be silly and goofy but are also constantly anxious, not specifically about their siblings but like in general. Very very hesitant, prefers stealth (and stupid jokes) to direct confrontation. very close with raph since they’re “twins” (all of them are the same age). Intense sci-fi/space obsession, they’ve watched every single episode of their world’s equivalent to Star Trek (and all the movies) and also had a huge nonfiction phase which is still ongoing, fueled by stolen textbooks and endless internet videos . They also write fanfiction (secretly and make fun of other people who do to throw off their siblings it doesn’t work at all). They are so so lame and i love them so much.

Raph: 15, also second oldest, very very overprotective but like low-key about it. Super close with april and leo. Does all the confrontation and has accidentally been confused to be the leader of the team (CONSTANTLY ends up in hostage situations to the point it’s almost funny). ALLERGIC to Feelings he will Die if he has to talk about things so he mostly vents by tearing up his room and then feeling bad abt it. Made donnie help him find leo’s fanfics and then swore him to secrecy forever. Very distrustful, secretly super artsy, weirdly obsessed with messing with ppls hair (probably because he is surrounded by bald ppl). Also secretly a fashion icon, he has a disguise specifically so he can go to the mall with april and look at clothes for fun. He is physically the strongest out of everyone and has a really bad habit of using himself as their meat shield. Accidentally very very silly dude.

Mikey: 15 the Absolute Youngest by request. He is objectively the best fighter but is constantly being sidetracked by his siblings taking hits/taking out enemies for him (look theyre all just Like That). Really really smart when in a crisis, but for some reason not in a low pressure situation. She tries to cook but ultimately prefers baking. He’s also good at building things, so he usually hangs out with donnie in his workshop and made a lot of the lair’s furniture though he somehow can’t build anything from ikea. Also knows about leo’s fanfic career and accepted a bribe of a hubcap chandelier (?) to not tell anyone. Leo never made him a chandelier but at this point she has completely forgotten about it. Is secretly a beta reader for the fics and pretends she doesn’t know leo, except for when he describes very very distinct details of their home as suggestions for a room or something. Will continue to do this until leo either has a nervous breakdown or realizes it’s him. 

PLEASE ASK ME MORE ABOUT HTESE GUYS IM BEGGING YOU AUGHGHGGH

[echoesofadream]

for the asks

1, 16, 19 <3

hi <3

what’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

it is a bit hard to say what is the best advice i've ever been given but i can say a good advice is that of a cbt therapist gave me when she was intermittently seeing me after screening me for autism and i was waiting to get evaluated at a psychiatry where they would do a real assessment for diagnosis. i do not have a good experience with cbt, it's never worked for me, but we were basically talking about thoughts, and how do you know whether you can trust your brain? because if there is a fire and you touch, your brain tells you to withdraw your hand and you do, so you learn to trust your brain. but then the brain tells you many many things and not all of them are true. and she said telling these things apart can be extra difficult for people on the spectrum. and for me until that point which was in 2022, so i was 21 years old, had never questioned a single thought of mine. i did not understand that there was a difference between what i believed and actual truth. not as in i never changed my beliefs but i never questioned my own thoughts. okay so there is a difference between thoughts and thoughts here... i mean more like impressions? In a situation and I got a certain impression, I believed this to be truth instead of a projection of my own thoughts.

it's a very well known mind trap in CBT therapy especially with regards to social anxiety that you can read other people's minds. the thing is though i did not even realize this was a mind trap because i didn't know it was a thought i had rather than just fact. Well anyways this therapist took out a paper and wrote down a thought, and then she showed me i could replace that thought with literally anything, like oranges are yellow or whatever i wanted because the thought is meaningless and not real. i don't know but something just clicked for me. this was really helpful though i don't know if it's changed much about my life because i still get insecure and feel like other people are thinking the same thing that i think about myself. but at least I know it's not the case. it's not really advice persay more like a realization and a way to question my thoughts or understand what they are, the writing down and just scribbling down thoughts and playing around with them on paper was an advice she gave me that helped understand this.

wow... that got long sorry. there's probably good advice i've gotten that i've forgotten, this was what came to mind rn.

2. what is a skill or talent you’ve completely lost or overlooked? why did that happen?

hmm... i feel like those questions are quite different. i've probably lost most of my math "skills". i've never been a natural math and numbers are still my enemy. but when i got older like starting from 7th grade i started taking math more seriously. in 8th and especially 9th grade i started to understand it and like it. then i started swedish equivalent of high school but its more like a fusion of hs and college, age 16 to 19 (for me, depending on when you're born in the year) and i went to the natural science program. and basically i went into a frenzy started to study math every day and did so for three years more or less, i took math 1-5 (this means nothing to anyone who hasn't gone to swedish school ik). then i studied maths for a little less than a semester after graduating, starting with introduction to math which was awesome and then one variable analysis (envariabelanalys) which was also awesome. did start a course called like algebra and geometry but i didn't understand vectors and i couldn't give it the time i needed because i was also busy with other classes that were incomprehensible to me and i dropped out. this was november 2020, and since i have not done math like. once. so it is pretty safe to say it's all gone even though doing all that math probably altered my brain chemistry. yeah i'd say i've probably completely lost it.

idk any skills or talent i've overlooked. i'd have to think about it.

19. tell me something you don’t like telling the people you are close to.

that i can have pretty violent psychopathic thoughts.. and don't really care about things that i should. like i'm not a good kind person, i'm very selfish and don't care about other people like i should. my thoughts are very cruel and judgmental. i don't like telling people i know irl about how i live mostly in daydreams and things and that reality does not interest me. my general philosophy and way i view things or the way i live. my fanfiction or writing. how really obsessed i am with some things like kpop. and how bleak my life is. i also don't like telling people about my desires and like how lonely i feel. i also don't like telling people how i feel about religion because i grew up in a very cold atheist place and family whereas i'm more questioning and sometimes pray.

Thank you <33 i'm sorry this got so long

[rowrowknowa]

ABOUT ME :D

Basics

✮ name - you can just call me E

✮ age - 23

✮zodiac - can you guess?

✮ gender - i use she/her pronouns, but don't mind being referred to with they/them and use of pretty much any gendered words (bro, dude, man, boss buddy, sis, girl, etc) doesn't bother me [[[dont call me sis if ur not black tho]]]

✮ mbti - ENFP-A consistently for the past 6 years (was INTP-T in HS)

✮ studies - huge into science ask me what kind; i also like music theory/history, art history, philosophy

Interests

✮ games - nintendo fan (no matter how much they piss me off). love pokemon, fire emblem (obsessed with fe3h), zelda, animal crossing etc. HUGE sonic the hedgehog fan

✮ anime - too many to make an exhaustive list without forgetting some. obviously my favorite is One Piece (i think my favorite show in general). i started watching it when i was like 4 with the 4kidz dub and here i am almost 20 years later still going oda and i locked in fr. also love attack on titan, naruto, death note, fairy tail, jjk, knb, hxh, black butler and so many more this is stressing me out trying to think of what ive watched so im gonna stop... ask me about what i've watched lets yap

✮ non-anime shows - gotta big ups to ATLA a modern masterpiece of western artistry. don't ask me about the live action bc i don't wanna talk about it. same deal here i cant think of all of them without short circuiting but top of mind i LOVE the good place, scandal, htgawm, grey's anatomy (before it crashed out), bridgerton, BREAKING BAD (not caught up in better call saul), superstore, vincenzo, crash landing on you, goblin, anything with gong yoo and/or lee dong wok in it tbh, strangers from hell, bad and crazy, attorney woo

✮ used to be super into marvel and the mcu (and i know thats a thing people say but it was so so bad for me) but its not what it used to be and also i think i started outgrowing it once my media literacy improved its ties to military propaganda couldn't be ignored lmao (also sabra being in the mcu is sosososo crazy) .. some of the comics still bang tho i wont lie

✮ music - not to be one of those "oh i listen to everything" people as a cop out but i truly do listen to so much disparate types of music *insert laugh crying emojis* but my overall favorite genre is jazz, i love 70s-00s black american music so much (i was a 9 year old motown stan it was so serious to me), love afrobeats, amapiano, baile funk, r&b, rap (meg thee stallion is literally my wifey), pop, country, classical, VIDEO GAME OSTS (in true sega stan fashion) -- recommend me your favorite song!

✮ kpop - a separate bullet because i know where the overlap in interests comes in lmao. honestly ive fallen back from kpop a bit, not as into it as i was like even 6 months ago but groups that i still actively follow and listen to are ateez (ot8 but strong swing for mingi) and nct. also know alot about bts, txt, seventeen, exo, and shinee if you ever want to chat about them, but i listen to mostly individual songs from them and other groups and don't follow their releases

Where is E in *insert work here*?

✮ pls i hate all spoilers but these are the ones i strongly care about pls take note pls :(

One Piece: ep. 1085 ... i avoid catching up because i get sad when there's no more to watch

FE3H: Finished Golden Deer and Blue Lions, please don't tell me anything about the Black Eagle story line

GOT/HOTD: caught up!

[afwulstories]

TW Death, dying, thinking about death, cyclone musical

Hey Blog and internet,

I'm writing you because I just want to talk about death for a second. My death. Like probably millions and millions of other people, I've been avoiding thinking about death. I don't like to remind myself of it, but I have severe PTSD from my childhood, depression, social anxiety, and on my own I've figured I have suffered more damage because I am a highly sensitive individual. Lately I've felt so disconnected from everything. My emotions don't feel mine, they feel like too much, I change too frequently, and I just don't understand some of the things that I end up doing. I simultaneously overthink but also.. not a thought purposefully goes through the front of my brain. Its all just beneath the surface, and even though I hear my thoughts in my head (Pointing it out because some people don't) I can't hear a lot of the ones that lead me to action or saying things o people. I just *do* things. What the fuck. I hold myself and others back a lot because.. I don't want to hold others back, or have that weighing on my conscience. How do people just *do* things for them? Could I just quit my job to spend time with my family for one last summer? Or is that me just wanting to do what my family wants me to do. My stomach hurts.

Death. You ever watched Ride the Cyclone? Everyone in the cast is dead after a freak accident when they go to their local fair as the hs senior choir. I'm going to shit my pants, one sec. Okay I'm back. So how am I going to die? Maybe we can start with the way I want to die... I want to die painlessly, I don't want to live to long. Dying in my sleep, or dying because a piece of my body starts not working like an awful stroke or heart attack and I just die. I don't ever want to be a shell of myself like the people I tend to in this nursing home. I hope I'm lucky enough to die before I lose my brain. I don't want to die young and pristine, but I also don't want to lose myself and everyone I love. I don't want to be a shell. I don't want to be a living, painful reminder that there used to be a person in my brain. A personality, interests, love, fear, and memories. I don't want to lose it before I die.

That is my hope. That I'll be one of the lucky ones. In reality, its all up to chance. I could play all my cards right (that we know of based on science): eat perfectly, do daily cardio and weight lift, constantly stimulate and engage my brain, play memory games, have great social skills and relations... But one bad string of genes and its off to la la land for me. I start sundowning. I start mentally and physically hurting the people I love and people trying to help me. Its awful to see dementia and other aliases (including being super old and fed up with life) ruin someone. Its dreadful, and its scary. I might say its my biggest fear, and I honestly should start early to try to prevent it. But like I said, I could play all of my cards right and *still* turn out fucked, and all that fear will be for absolutely nothing.

Maybe I should ditch Frog and Bunny, and write about death.

[crate-zone]

TW Death, dying, thinking about death, cyclone musical

Hey Blog and internet,

I'm writing you because I just want to talk about death for a second. My death. Like probably millions and millions of other people, I've been avoiding thinking about death. I don't like to remind myself of it, but I have severe PTSD from my childhood, depression, social anxiety, and on my own I've figured I have suffered more damage because I am a highly sensitive individual. Lately I've felt so disconnected from everything. My emotions don't feel mine, they feel like too much, I change too frequently, and I just don't understand some of the things that I end up doing. I simultaneously overthink but also.. not a thought purposefully goes through the front of my brain. Its all just beneath the surface, and even though I hear my thoughts in my head (Pointing it out because some people don't) I can't hear a lot of the ones that lead me to action or saying things o people. I just *do* things. What the fuck. I hold myself and others back a lot because.. I don't want to hold others back, or have that weighing on my conscience. How do people just *do* things for them? Could I just quit my job to spend time with my family for one last summer? Or is that me just wanting to do what my family wants me to do. My stomach hurts.

Death. You ever watched Ride the Cyclone? Everyone in the cast is dead after a freak accident when they go to their local fair as the hs senior choir. I'm going to shit my pants, one sec. Okay I'm back. So how am I going to die? Maybe we can start with the way I want to die... I want to die painlessly, I don't want to live to long. Dying in my sleep, or dying because a piece of my body starts not working like an awful stroke or heart attack and I just die. I don't ever want to be a shell of myself like the people I tend to in this nursing home. I hope I'm lucky enough to die before I lose my brain. I don't want to die young and pristine, but I also don't want to lose myself and everyone I love. I don't want to be a shell. I don't want to be a living, painful reminder that there used to be a person in my brain. A personality, interests, love, fear, and memories. I don't want to lose it before I die.

That is my hope. That I'll be one of the lucky ones. In reality, its all up to chance. I could play all my cards right (that we know of based on science): eat perfectly, do daily cardio and weight lift, constantly stimulate and engage my brain, play memory games, have great social skills and relations... But one bad string of genes and its off to la la land for me. I start sundowning. I start mentally and physically hurting the people I love and people trying to help me. Its awful to see dementia and other aliases (including being super old and fed up with life) ruin someone. Its dreadful, and its scary. I might say its my biggest fear, and I honestly should start early to try to prevent it. But like I said, I could play all of my cards right and *still* turn out fucked, and all that fear will be for absolutely nothing.

Maybe I should ditch Frog and Bunny, and write about death.

[cherrylight]

1 for the s/i meme?

ill throw in the entire ask game if anyone else wants to send anymore asks to it here

give us a quick run down of your s/i!!

not sure how i can make it quick and easy but... ill try at least

my self insert is also my persona! so my s/i is literally me if that makes it obvious lol. also so i dont jump constantly to different s/is lol

anyway! ill try to be brief! (its not long but i also want to add the option regardless)

from the prev post i did a while ago his name is kaden (like me) hes a mad scientist time player that dreams on derse (only the hs knows what im talking about). he ADORES paranormal and gets excited about literally anything related to it! poltergeists are his most favourite thing ever :]. he likes plushies and has the weirdest interest of puppets (and wants to bite them) but also is petrified of dolls.

his personality is rather unhinged id like to say! hes a teasing mischievous silly guy! id like to think the entire mad scientist is just a front he throws because deep down he is a huge softy! hes just bad at expressing it and decides being morbidly grotesque is the best thing he could do to repress it instead. although, he does really like mad science so maybe its not a fluke

[srrl-sulha-pilot]

There it is. The song that captures my mood for Winter Break and the past seven years.

I’ve been going through lots of things since November 2021. It doesn’t help that I’m still seeking a therapist since the end of HS graduation in 2015. All I knew at the time was going to college to be an engineer. I was so wrong. Same with getting into Computer Science.

Who would have thought 18-year-old me would grow up to work three different jobs, switch majors twice, and go back to grad school immediately after getting a Bachelors? Hell, I didn’t think I’d survive college with a gradually deteriorating mental state of mind or stay longer than a year with the transportation office as a Parking Enforcement Officer.

A lot of people came and went at that workplace. I stayed longer than most office staff - 7 years. You know what the strangest part is? I almost didn’t get the job because of my anxiety. “Give him a couple days, then let him go if he’s not up for it,” an old coworker said. Those couple of days turned into a couple of years. That was my life: clock in, gear up, and go out to explore the university life with its half-warm, half-cold cars or last weekend’s intimate details. No one watching me but my friends - coworker or not. Damn, I miss the bar hopping. I’m not a drinker, but I enjoyed the moments when everyone else drank and I was there to support them and their not-so-conscious state. Or the time everyone went to the fair during the summer of 2017. Or a moment in late spring 2017 when we partied at one dorm and I stayed over because of a MAX shooting. Or one time I slept at a friend’s couch after a night out of sharing good times while I was far from home that summer in 2018 (and leaving a $20 tip the next morning for their kindness before riding the bus back home).

Now that I look at where I am at this moment, so much stuff has happened since 2019. My mom got cancer on my last undergrad year, I pushed back on my graduation to 2020, the damn COVID pandemic tore the world apart, I lost my grandpa in April 2021, I jumped back to grad school in the summer of 2020, I visited Utah (and my then-partner) a few times, my third family was with my graduate colleagues, my siblings got married to their wonderful partners, I nearly lost my position as a Student Teacher, my graduate program was finished, I had a breakup with the best partner anyone could ask for, I lost a great friend (they’re still alive), I finally had vacations my family dreamed about, I found a job as a teacher, and I had my tearful goodbye with the transportation office. So many things to talk about. So many moments to remember. I can’t find the words to express how grateful I am. It’s also hard to explain how scared I was for things I set my mind to.

It’s hard to accept those changes all at once. My brain can’t handle the overload. I’ll get better at it one day.

Thanks for reading my thoughts, friend. We should chat some time soon. I’d love to hear from you.