#and i think i somehow managed to not make a complete fool of myself in front of the band so that's good news i guess

[technicolorfamiliar]

Einstürzende Neubauten Supporter Weekend March 30 - April 1, 2024 Berlin

[froggiewrites]

HAII, I rlly love your writing style and the way you portray the characters! I was wondering if u could do an Ace x shy (ish) reader except the reader is an extrovert but completely loses all social skills when it comes to Ace and practically avoids him lol (cuz he’s so fineeee oml like how can u talk normally to a fine man like him?) I’m sorry Ik it’s a bit specific but I’ve had this scenario in mind for a while and I was wondering if u could write abt it please 😓😓

This was such a cute request, I had fun with this one 😊 I hope you enjoy it!

Tongue Tied

Pairing: Ace x Reader

SFW

Summary: You've decided you're done embarrassing yourself in front of your Commander, but your attempt to avoid him doesn't work out how you'd hoped. Warnings: Fluff, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Ace and Reader both being idiots Word Count: 1.7k

If you make a fool of yourself in front of him again, you might throw yourself off of the ship.

There’s only so many stumbles, so many stuttered words, so many awkward laughs that you can handle. Every time you speak to Ace, you somehow manage to embarrass yourself. You’re done with it. If you can’t get your act together, can’t impress and enchant him how you want to, then it’s better not to speak to him at all.

And so here you are, curled up in a corner of the kitchen, praying to any god that might listen that your Commander doesn’t come looking for a snack.

“You alright down there?” Thatch’s voice is kind, as it always is, but you can hear a bit of a laugh. You’re used to the good natured teasing of the crew, so it doesn’t get under your skin as much as it used to, but you can’t help but bristling a bit.

“I’m fine.”

He puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m sure you are. I just wanted to check. I heard there was an incident earlier–”

“God, don’t remind me.” You had been in the middle of telling a story, complete with very enthusiastic hand gestures, only for Ace to sneak up on you and get clocked straight in the face by a particularly large sweeping motion. He was fine, obviously, as a Logia type, but you had barely managed to squeak out an embarrassed apology before you had sprinted off, nearly tripping down the stairs on your way out. “I’m never going to live that down.”

“It’s not like you hurt anybody. Everyone on the ship has at least one story way more embarrassing than this, I promise you. You remember how many times Ace got thrown overboard when he first got here, don’t you?”

“I don’t think losing a fight to Pops is as embarrassing as accidentally punching a commander in the face because I got too excited.”

“Well at least your thing is cute.”

“Cute? It made me look insane!”

“It made you look clumsy. There’s plenty of clumsy people on this ship, and we love them all the same.” You don’t want to give in, want to sit in the hurt and the shame until it eats you whole, but Thatch’s words are so kind and his words are so gentle you can’t help but let your hold on it slip a bit, your shoulders relaxing just a tad. “I promise you this is going to be nothing but a funny memory someday. Probably someday soon. I’m surprised you’re so shaken by this, honestly. Haven’t you had a lot of moments like this?”

“Where I made myself look like a dumbass in front of a crowd? Yeah, I have, thanks for reminding me.” There’s no bite to your words anymore, and you can see the small shimmer of victory in his eyes as he realizes he’s gotten to you.

“But those don’t bother you. Because it isn’t about the crowd, right?”

You sigh. You had a feeling Thatch knew about your little crush, considering how poorly you’ve been hiding it, but he hadn’t said anything before now. You had hoped that no one ever would, and you could keep pretending you weren’t horribly obvious about your feelings. “So you’re going to make me talk about it now?”

“I’m not going to make you do anything, kid. I’m just giving you the chance to. In a safe space. And I promise that not a single word of what you tell me will leave this room.”

You don’t want to. You may be horribly uncomfortable and embarrassed now, but this is a familiar discomfort. A safe sort of pain, dull and easy to deal with. If you talk about it, let your soft parts show, well, who knows what will come after that? Nothing is more terrifying than the unfamiliar, whether it’s joy or disappointment or something in between. At least you know how pining feels, how it sits so snugly in your chest.

But Thatch’s smile is so warm, and his eyes are a little bit pleading, and you’ve never been good at turning away an outstretched hand. “...I just don’t know what it is about him that makes me such a mess.”

“Does he make you nervous?”

“Yes, god, so much. I’m not used to someone making me feel so…small. And jittery. I never know what to say, and even when I do the words come out wrong. It makes me feel so stupid and silly, like I’m a dumb kid again while he’s so…everything. I hate it. I hate feeling so out of control and self conscious. I hate that even seeing him makes me completely lose it, and that everyone can tell. I hate how hard it is to avoid him, because even despite all of that I still want to be around him. It sucks. So goddamn bad.”

“It can be hard to feel like you’re not in control of your emotions, that’s true. But caring about someone isn’t a bad thing, really. Especially not caring about someone like Ace. He’s a good guy.” 

“He is a good guy.” It’s part of the reason he had stolen your heart so effortlessly. He was just…kind. He cared about other people, and other people cared about him. When he passed through somewhere, he always left it a little better than he found it, whether he actively tried or not. You can’t help the small, self deprecating laugh that bubbles out of you. “He’d be a hell of a lot easier to get over if he wasn’t. But maybe he’s worth the trouble.”

“Worth making a fool of yourself?”

You smile, a small and fragile little thing. “Yeah.”

It feels good to have gotten off of your chest for a moment, and you let a little of that weight fall off your shoulders.

And then you hear the creak of the floorboards outside, and you and Thatch look up to see Ace, his hat quickly pulled down to cover his face, just barely showing the very red tips of his ears.

“Oh my god.” You can barely squeak out the words, so mortified it almost makes you nauseous.

Thatch has the nerve to laugh. “Well, this isn’t the ideal way to do this, but hey. At least it’s out there. I told you they didn’t hate you, didn’t I?”

What?

Ace’s voice is about an octave higher than you remember it. “Yeah, you mentioned that. I–um–I’m so sorry, I was just coming down to talk to Thatch, and–I really didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” He lets his hat drop a little, his eyes peeking over the brim, allowing you to see his flushed cheeks, making his freckles stand out even more over the pink.

Thatch very casually walks past Ace, shoves him into the kitchen, and walks away, calling over his shoulder to, “Have fun with that!”

He blinks at you.

You blink back.

“I–uh.” You can’t bring yourself to acknowledge what’s happening, your brain frying under the stress of trying to process the situation. “I’m sorry I punched you earlier.”

He chokes out a strained laugh. “It’s alright. I didn’t even feel it.”

Another beat of silence.

You’ve never seen Ace looking so unsure, shifting on his feet, eyes darting everywhere but you. Normally staying in his presence this long would make you curl in on yourself, taking up as little space as possible, trying not to make an idiot of yourself and failing massively. But something about seeing him look so vulnerable compared to how you usually view him, so human, makes you speak up. “You thought I hated you?”

The red on his cheeks grows deeper. “I–you always run when I try to talk to you. I thought it was because I made you uncomfortable, and I was hoping talking to you more would fix it, but it just made it worse. So I just…make you nervous?”

“Yeah. You do.”

“Why?”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. “What do you mean why? I thought you just heard why.”

He chuckles nervously. “Right. I–um. I just can’t believe it.”

“Which part?”

He tenses further, but instead of running, he begins to approach, slowly lowering his hat and sitting on the floor across from you. “Any of it, I guess. That you like me. That you think I’m some cool, strong hero, or something.”

“Do you not think you’re cool?”

He hums, closing his eyes in thought. “Yes. But not really.”

“Care to elaborate?”

He sighs. “I know I’m strong, and capable, and I try my best to help people. But…I don’t know. I just don’t think of myself as someone worth getting nervous over.”

“You don’t see why someone might be nervous around an extremely talented and handsome man?”

He grins. “You think I’m handsome?”

“Shut up. You already knew that.”

“You didn’t actually say it earlier. You just said I was good.”

You roll your eyes. “It was implied!”

“Maybe I’m not good with subtext!”

You both laugh, and you find yourself leaning closer. “I think you know damn well that you’re handsome and cool and all of the other amazing things I implied earlier.”

Before you know it, your noses are brushing together, and you can see every fleck of color in his eyes. “Do I?”

His lips are softer than you expected, his touch gentler than you could have dreamed. You don’t even realize what you’ve done until you’re already pulling away, cheeks flushed and a goofy smile on your face.

Ace looks downright giddy. “I never thought I’d get the chance to do that. This is the first time you’ve actually talked to me in months.”

It suddenly strikes you that you’ve finally had a normal conversation with Ace.

And kissed him.

You flush red.

He sighs fondly. “I was wondering when that was going to happen.” He leans forward, taking your hand in his, and is kind enough not to mention how clammy they’ve suddenly gotten. “It might be a little rough doing this if you can’t talk to me. But that’s alright. I think maybe you’re worth the trouble.”

Tag List: @pandora-writes-one-piece @shy-writer-999 @dreamcastgirl99 @tochillwithamockingjay

[hemmingsleclerc]

Worth it┃sirius black

summary: where Sirius is completely in love with James's sister, but everytime he wants to ask her on a date somehow ends up doing something embarrassing

just sirius being a dumbass in love

･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⋆･˳ . ⋆ .˳⁺⁎˚ ･˳ . ⋆

Sirius Black, known for his confident attitude and big ego, became a totally different person when it came to Y/n Potter, James' twin sister. From the moment he first saw her on the Hogwarts Express, he fell in love with her. Her bright eyes, her laughter that echoed through the halls, and her loyalty to her friends captivated Sirius in a way he couldn't explain.

However, every attempt Sirius made to impress her seemed to end in humiliation. Whether it was tripping over his own feet, accidentally dropping a potion in Potions class while he was trying to show off, or simply forgetting his words when she stared at him or smiled, Sirius managed to humiliate himself over and over again and the marauders found endless fun in his failed attempts.

One particularly incident occurred during a Gryffindor Quidditch match. Sirius had been practicing tirelessly, determined to catch Y/n's eye with his skills as a Seeker and impress her (again). As he zoomed across the pitch during the game against Slytherin, he spotted Y/n cheering enthusiastically in the stands. Heart pounding with nerves, Sirius dove towards the Snitch, only to misjudge his speed and crash into a ring, sending the Snitch away to the opposite end of the field. The entire stadium bursted into laughter, including Y/n, who clapped a hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her giggles.

"Nice one, Pad! Maybe next time you'll catch something other than the ground," James joked mercilessly after the match, laughing his head off, slapping Sirius on the back.

Sirius tried to laugh, but inside he felt enormous disappointment and shame. He had wanted with all his might to impress Y/n, to show her that he was more than just a prankster or a reckless troublemaker. But every time he tried, it seemed like he only managed to make a fool of himself.

Despite his repeated failures, Sirius refused to give up, she was worth it and he wasn't going to give up so easily. He found himself casting nervous glances at Y/n during meals in the Great Hall, trying to work up the courage to approach her. However, every time he decided to talk to her, his tongue would get stuck and his palms would sweat. Even simple greetings turned into awkward exchanges in which Sirius would end up stumbling over his words or making some ill-timed joke that fell flat.

One rainy afternoon, Sirius was sitting in his dorm with his friends. Peter and Remus were playing a game of wizard chess nearby while James lay on his bed playing with his snitch, occasionally casting sympathetic glances in Sirius' direction.

"You know, mate," Remus began tentatively, moving a knight on the board, "maybe you should just ask her out straightforwardly. None of this grand gesture stuff. Just be yourself."

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I've tried, Moony. Every time I try to talk to her, I end up making a complete fool of myself. She probably thinks I'm an idiot by this point."

James chuckled "Nah, she doesn't think you're an idiot. Just a bit… charmingly clumsy as she told me."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but smile at his friends' attempts to cheer him up. Deep down, he knew they were right. Maybe he had been going about it all wrong. Perhaps what Y/n needed was not grand gestures or witty banter, but simply honesty.

The next day, Sirius was walking through the black lake, letting his feet walk without any direction, however he realized that he was precisely addressing Y/n who was reading a book in front of the lake. His heart raced as he made his way over, his friends watching with anticipation from a distance.

"Here goes nothing," Sirius muttered under his breath, taking a deep breath to steady his nerves.

As he approached Y/n, she looked up and smiled warmly at him. Sirius felt his legs weak.

''Hey Y/n''

''Hey sirius, what's up?''

''everythings fine, um I wanted to ask you something''

Sirius felt his throat dry and his mind went blank.

''Are you okey sirius? you seem a bit...pale'' Y/n asked doubtfully, standing up and getting closer to Sirius.

''No! I'm good don't worry!'' Sirius was actually planning on pretending to faint, or running away.

''Okey?..Well anyways I also wanted to ask you something''

Sirius was about to open his mouth to let the words out but Y/n interrupted him.

''I was wondering if you'd like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?" Y/n said smiling ear to ear

Time seemed to stand still for Sirius. His eyes widened in shock, his mouth hanging open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did she just ask him out before he could ask her?

Taken by surprise, Sirius took a step back, his heart racing even more. To his surprise, he tripped on a tree root and fell to the ground with a thud.

Laughter erupted in the distance, echoing through the garden. James, Remus and Peter had been responsible for these as they were almost crying of laughter, unable to contain their amusement at Sirius's latest fall.

Sirius lay on the ground for a moment, his face burning with shame. He stood up as quickly as he could, trying to maintain some semblance of composure and dignity.

Y/n rushed over to him, concern mixing with her laughter. "Oh my god!, are you okay?"

Sirius nodded, his cheeks still flushed. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just… just caught me by surprise, that's all."

Y/n chuckled softly, offering him a hand up. "Sorry about that. I couldn't resist."

Despite the embarrassment, Sirius couldn't help but grin. "No need to apologize. I… I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you."

Y/n smiled wildly, relief evident in her eyes. "Great! It's a date then."

Sirius felt a wave of relief and excitement. He had managed to get through another embarrassing moment, but this time he had turned out better than he could have imagined.

As they separated, the rest of the marauders approached him, still laughing at him. James patted him on the back, shaking his head in amusement and hugging him by the side and Sirius couldn't help but do a little victory dance.

Despite all his fumbles and embarrassing moments, he knew one thing for certain: Y/n Potter was worth every stumble and every awkward pause.

[chrzzboo]

okay, hear me out. I've had this idea in my head for so long and have never found anything like it.

Lando Norris falls for a FAN! She lives in England or France or Monaco, they meet somewhere that’s not the racetrack and somehow he falls in love. He knows she’s a fan so it’s hard for him to admit that he fell for her.

Just another fan

Summary: when meeting a fan in an unusual encounter Lando couldn’t help but feel attracted by her presence. The only thing stopping him? Her being his fan.

Note: first of all I couldn’t be more thankful for all the support all of you have showed me on my comeback stories and I’m very grateful for that! Thank you for your request anon, I hope this lives up to your expectations! Have fun reading!

Reader x Lando Norris

Genre: fluff/angst(ish)

I was in a frantic rush. Late for my uni lecture again. The coffee cup trembling in my hand as I weaved my way through the bustling café. Engrossed in my thoughts, I didn’t watch where I was going, and then it happened – the inevitable crash. Coffee splattered everywhere, including all over the stranger in front of me.

I froze in horror, my face turning a deep shade of scarlet. "Oh god, I-I'm so sorry!" I managed to stutter.

Lando reacted with a bewildered expression, looking down at his now-stained shirt before turning back to me.

"It's alright," he said, an amused twinkle in his eye despite his coffee-stained shirt. "Accidents happen."

I fumbled for words, trying to apologize profusely, and yet, I was struck by his casual demeanor. This guy, this person I had just spilled coffee all over, was handling the situation so much better than I was, and it was only then that I glanced at his face. My heart skipped a beat. Lando Norris. I was standing in front of Lando Norris.

Lando chuckled again, the sound rich and warm, as he watched me struggle to compose myself. "You know," he said, the smirk on his face softening to a more genuine smile, "Most people would at least recognize me before pouring coffee all over me."

"I’m… I’m so sorry," I repeated, still struggling to overcome my shock. My brain was still trying to process the fact that I was standing in front of one of my favorite drivers, and I’d just managed to make a complete fool of myself in front of him.

Lando’s smile held a hint of understanding, and he waved off my repeated apologies. "Seriously, it’s fine," he reassured, glancing down at his coffee-stained shirt. "This isn’t the worst thing that’s been spilled on me, trust me."

In spite of the situation, I found myself feeling a little relieved at his casual acceptance. The initial wave of embarrassment was beginning to recede, replaced by a more manageable feeling of awkwardness. "Still, I feel terrible," I said, trying to force a sheepish smile. "Let me at least pay for the dry cleaning, or something…"

Lando shook his head, his expression growing more amused. "Dry cleaning’s not necessary," he replied, waving off my offer. "But considering you just soaked me in coffee, perhaps you can make it up to me?"

My heart skipped a beat at his words, my stomach twisting, already thinking of the worst scenarios.“How?” I asked weakly, trying to keep my composure.

Lando leaned against the wall, his eyes flicking over me for a moment, taking in my flustered state. "Simple really," he said, a hint of a challenge in his voice. "You buy me a new coffee, we’ll sit down, and you can make it up to me by keeping me company."

My breath caught in my throat for a moment, my mind racing. Lando Norris, asking to spend time with me? It was too much to process. But there was no mistaking the gleam of interest in his eyes. He was serious.

"Oh euhm okay," I managed to stammer out, my cheeks flushing under his gaze. "Coffee. I can do that."

Lando’s smile widened, a satisfied expression on his face as he gestured for me to lead the way to the counter. As I turned, heading towards the counter to order the coffee, I could feel his eyes on me, and my heart thumped in my chest.

This was really happening. I was about to buy coffee for Lando Norris. 18-year old me wouldn’t believe this.

As we waited for our coffees, the silence between us was filled with a tension that I couldn’t quite describe. Lando seemed relaxed, but I could almost feel the energy radiating from him. I couldn’t help repeatedly glancing at him, marveling at how someone could look so good, even after having coffee spilled on them.

After getting the order, Lando led the way to a small, secluded table in the corner of the cafe. I followed, trying to hide the fact that I was a bundle of nerves. Sitting down across from each other, I clutched my coffee cup like a lifeline. The silence was tangible, broken only by the soft hum of other patrons in the cafe.

Lando took a sip of his coffee, his gaze never leaving me. After a moment, he leaned back, a hint of a smile on his lips. "So," he began, his voice soft but clear, "You’re a fan, aren’t you?"

My eyes widened at his question, and a wave of unexpected shock washed over me. I hadn’t expected him to pick up on my fan girl status so quickly. It was obvious, I guess, but I also didn’t want to invade his privacy.

"I… uh… well," I fumbled for words, my face heating up. "I am a fan, yes."

Lando chuckled, his eyes never leaving mine. "It’s okay, you don’t have to deny it." He took another sip of coffee. “I could tell the moment you realized who I was."

I fidgeted in my seat, feeling exposed under his gaze. "Was I that obvious?" I muttered, cursing myself for my lack of subtlety.

Lando leaned back in his chair, that amused smile still on his face. "Let’s just say you weren’t very discreet. Your face lit up like a Christmas tree when you realized who you were dealing with."

I couldn’t help the embarrassed laugh that escaped me. "I guess I’m not very good at hiding things, also I didn't know you would be in England this week." I admitted, trying to play it down with humor.

"No not at all.” He laughs at my comment. “And yeah I came down to visit my family for a bit." Lando added, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "And don't worry about it, it’s refreshing, actually. Most people either don’t recognize me or try to play it cool when they do. You were like a deer caught in headlights."

I let out a soft groan, burying my face in my hands. "I must have looked so ridiculous," I mumbled, my words muffled by my palms.

Lando reached out, gently pulling my hands away from my face. His touch sent a shiver down my spine. "No, it was adorable," he corrected, his voice holding a hint of sincerity beneath the humor.

I looked up at him, my face probably aflame. Was he seriously calling me adorable? "You’re just saying that," I muttered, taking a gulp of my coffee to distract myself.

Lando laughed, a sound that sent a wave of butterflies flying through my stomach. "No, I mean it," he insisted. "You didn’t try to act all cool and casual around me. You just… reacted. It was honest, and it was cute."

And soon the conversation between us started flowing.

After some time, I glanced at my watch, my eyes widening at the time. “Damn, my lectures…” I muttered, realizing I’d missed my class.

Lando, who seemed oblivious to the time as well, shot a look at my watch. “Oh, right,” he said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “Guess we got carried away.”

I was gathering my bag and taking one last sip of coffee, my mind still swirling with questions when Lando spoke up.

"Before you leave," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I was wondering if I could get your number."

The casual request caught me off guard, but I quickly recovered. "My… my number?" I repeated, already pulling my own phone out of my bag.

Lando chuckled at my surprised expression. "Yeah, your number. You know, so we can stay in touch."

I fumbled with my phone for a moment, unlocking it and pulling up the new contact option. "Of course," I said, my mind racing. This was really happening. Lando Norris was asking for my number.

I slowly handed him my phone, watching as he tapped in his number. He handed it back to me, our fingers brushing together in a brief, electric moment.

"There," he said, a sly smile on his lips. "Now you’ve got my number, and I’ve got yours."

I looked down at my phone, seeing his contact information displayed. I couldn’t believe it. "Thanks," I said, the word feeling incredibly inadequate considering the whirlwind of emotions racing through me.

Lando pocketed his phone, his gaze never leaving me. "Don't mention it," he said, a genuine smile on his face. "It was… good talking to you. You know, despite the coffee incident."

I laughed, the nervous energy of earlier shifting into a more comfortable banter. "Yeah, sorry about that. I promise not to spill anything on you next time we meet."

Lando chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I’ll keep that in mind. Wouldn’t want to have to start a coffee-stained shirt collection because of you."

The image of Lando with a closet full of coffee-stained shirts flashed through my mind, making me laugh again. "Trust me, that’s the last thing I want," I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

There was a beat of silence, both of us seeming reluctant to end the conversation. Finally, Lando spoke up. “Well, I should let you get going,” he said, his tone carrying a hint of regret. “Can’t cause you to miss another uni lecture, can I?”

I nodded, although a part of me didn’t want the conversation to end. "Yeah, you’re right," I replied, a small sigh escaping me. “I had a really nice time talking to you.”

Lando’s smile widened, a hint of satisfaction in his eyes. “I enjoyed talking to you too,” he said, a sincerity in his tone.

After bidding goodbye to each other, I pushed through the door, the cool air of the city hitting me, but I barely registered it. My mind was still reeling, replaying every moment of our conversation on a loop. As I walked away from the café, I couldn’t help but grin like an idiot.

As I walked, thinking about earlier events, my phone buzzed in my hand. I looked down to see a text message popping up on the screen. It was from Lando.

I smiled at my phone, still not believing that I met the Lando Norris who’s weirdly enough interested in me.

yourusername posted on Instagram!

Liked by bffuser, frienduser1 and others

yourusername Didn't skip class for a cute guy or anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

View all comments

bffuser: Girl u was literally fangirling

yourusername: Oh shut up you would act the same

frienduser3: Fangirling? Did we miss something?

yourusername: No no don't worry nothing special

frienduser3: 🤓

frienduser1: Why you always spilling coffee on people ����

yourusername: Don't expose me now, I told you this information in pure trust 🥲

frienduser2: Y/N it literally happened a week ago as well

yourusername: I don't like any of you 😒

Weeks flew by in a blur of texts, calls, and busy schedules. Work and uni left little room for much else. But despite the distance, Lando and I kept in touch daily.

One day, as I was buried under a mountain of notes and textbooks, my phone buzzed with a new message. Expecting another funny meme from Lando, I was surprised to see a different message.

With that decision made, the conversation shifted to practicalities. We discussed the details of my arrival, where I’d be staying, and what to expect during the race weekend. By the end of the conversation, the excitement had far outweighed any lingering doubts. The countdown to Silverstone began.

Meanwhile, Lando was caught off guard when his best friend, Max Fewtrell, came up from behind him and slapped him on the shoulder. “Oi, what’s got you grinning like that?” Max asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lando quickly composed himself, putting his phone away. “Nothing,” he said, attempting to play it cool. “Just talking to someone, that’s all.”

Max wasn’t convinced. “Is it a girl?” he pressed, a smirk on his face.

Lando cursed inwardly. Max had a knack for sniffing out stuff like this.

“Maybe,” he admitted, his voice betraying a bit of reluctance. “But it’s nothing serious.”

Max’s eyebrow shot up again. “Not serious? Then why are you smiling like a fool over some texts?”

Lando huffed, running a hand through his hair. He knew he wasn’t fooling Max with this act of aloofness.

“Fine. There is a girl. But it’s complicated.”

Max’s smirk widened. “Complicated? That’s an interesting way to put it. Why is it complicated?” he asked, leaning against the wall, obviously enjoying Lando’s discomfort.

Lando hesitated for a moment, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. “Because… well… she’s a fan.”

Max’s expression turned a bit incredulous. “A fan? As in, a fan of yours?”

Lando nodded, a mixture of defensiveness and uncertainty in his eyes. “Yes. A fan. She was at a café where I was hanging out, and we just started talking. And now we talk all the time… but she’s a fan, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get involved with someone who already has an idea about who I am.”

Max’s smirk softened slightly into a thoughtful expression. “I get where you’re coming from. But just because she’s a fan doesn’t mean she likes you for the wrong reasons,” he said, a hint of reason in his tone. “And people change their perceptions. What if she gets to know the real you and falls even harder?”

Lando considered Max’s words, knowing he had a point. “I know… but what if she’s more interested in the idea of me, the driver, than who I really am?” he voiced his biggest fear.

Max shrugged, a knowing look in his eyes. “Then you’ll figure that out when you see her. If she’s serious about you, she’ll look past the whole ‘F1 driver’ thing. But if you keep worrying about what could go wrong, you’ll never find out what could go right.”

Lando sighed, torn between the possibilities and the risks. “You’re probably right,” he admitted, a hint of resignation in his voice. “Maybe I’m just overthinking it. I don’t know if I’m ready to take that gamble though.”

Max gave Lando a knowing look. “You’re already knee-deep in this mess, mate. You’ve been talking to her for weeks now, clearly you’re invested. If you wanted out, you’d have stopped talking to her ages ago.”

Lando sighed again, realizing the truth in Max’s words. He hadn’t even thought about ending things with her. “Damn it, I guess you’re right,” he conceded, frustration in his tone. “I’m already in too deep, aren’t I?”

Max chuckled, patting Lando on the back. "That’s right, mate. You’re in 'too deep' alright. You've been acting like a lovesick puppy every time you message her. It's pathetic, but also sickening cute.”

Max smirked, amused at his friend’s predicament. “Well, you’ve got your Silverstone race next week. Maybe that’s a chance for you to see how things really are when you actually meet in person. Then you’ll know if this is worth pursuing or not.”

Lando nodded, his face set in a contemplative expression. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll see how it goes when she comes to the race. If it feels off, I’ll end it. But I'm afraid it might be too late for that, I already fell for her I'm afraid.”

The day of the Silverstone Grand Prix finally arrived. I’d spent the morning getting ready, excitement and nerves bubbling up inside me. I checked my reflection one last time before grabbing my bag and heading out the door.

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yourusername An actual dream coming true 🏎️

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frienduser1: Girl is this why you weren't present in class today?

yourusername: Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️

frienduser2: Now how did you do that then

frienduser3: You could've atleast asked me to come with you 🤔

yoursername: Sorry girl was a last minute typa thing 😬

bffuser: Slay girl get that man

yourusername: 🤫

frienduser2: @bffuser what are you hiding?

frienduser3: Yeah I would love to know that too 🤨

bffuser: 🤐

With the sun high in the sky and the sounds of the race already starting to fill the air, I made my way to the circuit, following the signs and directions to the specific spot Lando had told me to meet him.

As I walked through the gates of the Silverstone Circuit, a sense of awe washed over me. The sights, sounds, and smells of a Grand Prix weekend surrounded me, and it was all so surreal. I had watched races on TV countless times before, but being there in person was a whole different experience.

The enormity of it all sunk in, making me feel both excited and slightly overwhelmed. It was one thing to see the action on a screen, but here I was, standing in the pit lane, surrounded by teams, cars, and the buzz of the event actually happening in front of me.

I continued to wander around, taking in everything. The mechanics working on the cars, the engineers huddled around strategy screens, and the drivers walking around with their confident strides – it was all so different from my usual life.

But what intrigued me most was the thought of seeing Lando in this environment, the stark contrast between the relaxed person I'd talked to countless times and the focused, professional driver he would become once he stepped into his car for the race.

I kept checking my phone, waiting for further instructions from Lando. He'd told me which area to meet him at, but I hadn't gotten any more specific details yet. I tried to distract myself by watching the practice sessions, but my mind kept wandering back to the thought of finally seeing Lando after weeks of just talking through a screen.

The practice sessions ended, and I still hadn't received any other instructions from Lando. I started to get a bit nervous, wondering if I was in the right spot or if something had come up with him. Just when I was about to reach for my phone again, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Hey, you looking for me?" Lando asked, his usual carefree grin on his face, looking slightly sweaty from the heat and the practice session.

I turned around, my heart skipping a beat at the sight of him. He looked every bit the professional racer standing there in his McLaren gear, but his familiar smile instantly made me feel more at ease.

"Lando! I was starting to wonder where you were," I replied, a mix of relief and excitement in my voice.

I was momentarily caught off guard when Lando suddenly opened his arms for a hug. But I quickly recovered, returning the gesture. His embrace was warm and firm, grounding me in the moment. We stepped back after a few seconds, both of us wearing grins.

"It's good to finally see you in person again," Lando said, his eyes crinkled with genuine happiness. "I can't believe you're actually here, at the race."

I chuckled, feeling a sense of disbelief myself. "Believe me, I can't believe it either. It feels surreal, being here in Silverstone, watching the race this close. And to think, I'm here because of you," I added, a hint of teasing in my tone.

Lando chuckled at that, seemingly enjoying the banter. "Well, what can I say? I have that effect on people." His playful confidence was undeniable.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes in mock annoyance. "Oh, don't get too big for your boots, Norris. I didn't come all this way just to inflate your ego."

He feigned shock at my words, a hand going to his chest dramatically. "How dare you! Are you saying my ego isn't already inflated enough?" Lando joked, his eyes sparkling with humor.

I let out a laugh. "Oh, it's plenty inflated, trust me. But seeing you in your element does inflate it just a bit more, doesn't it?" I teased back, enjoying the easy banter between us.

After some more light-hearted banter, the moment came when Lando was called back to his team for the pre-race preparations. He looked a bit reluctant to leave our conversation, but the responsibilities of being a racer were clear.

"I have to go," he said reluctantly, the shift in his demeanor noticeable. "They need me for the pre-race stuff. I'll be back after the race though, yeah?"

I nodded, understanding the necessity of his duties. "Go on, go do your thing. I'll be here, watching the race and cheering you on." I offered him an encouraging smile.

Lando returned the smile, a flicker of gratitude and something else in his eyes. "Thanks. And remember, if I win, you owe me an extra long chat tonight. Deal?"

I laughed, shaking my head at his request. "If you win, you get an extra long chat huh? But how about this? If you win, dinner will be on me."

Lando's eyebrows raised, intrigued by my counteroffer. "Dinner, huh? You know how to motivate a guy to drive faster, don't you?"

I shrugged, my tone light and playful. "Consider it incentive to win. Loser pays for the winner's meal, deal?" I held out my hand, waiting for his response.

Lando's eyes sparkled with a mixture of excitement and challenge. He took my hand, shaking it firmly. "Deal. Loser pays for dinner after the race. I better win then."

I winked, a confident smile on my face. "Just don't get too cocky now. I might surprise you, and you'll owe me a nice dinner."

Lando chuckled, clearly enjoying the banter and the friendly competition. "Just you wait and see."

The race was a whirlwind of tension and excitement, with each lap filled with nail-biting moments and heart-stopping turns. But finally, the race ended, and Lando emerged victorious.

I watched as he crossed the finish line, his car pulling into the pit, the radio buzzing with congratulations from his team. He made his way out of the car, helmet off, a satisfied but tired expression on his face as he spotted me waiting.

He jogged over to where I was standing, the adrenaline of his win still very clearly in his eyes. "Well, look who it is," Lando said, his tone filled with satisfaction and a hint of exhaustion. "Looks like I won. That means you owe me dinner, doesn't it?"

I put on a mockingly dramatic pout, playing along. "Oh, how will I ever recover from the shame of having to pay for a rich racing driver's meal?" I dramatically clutched my chest, feigning distress.

Lando laughed, the sound rich and carefree. "Come on, don't be a sore loser. You made the bet."

I sighed, pretending to give in. "Fine, fine. Loser pays. You drove a good race, I'll give you that. But don't get used to me paying for your food."

Lando's eyes twinkled with amusement. "Oh, I won't. But I'll definitely enjoy tonight's dinner, on your dime."

As we talked, the high of his victory was still palpable, but reality set in quickly. Lando was being called to attend his media duties, giving interviews and press conferences.

"I've got to go do all the media stuff, but wait for me in my room, alright? I won't take too long," Lando said, his expression still excited but a little distracted already.

I nodded, understanding that his responsibilities as a racer came first. "No worries, I'll wait in your room. Take your time with the interviews and stuff. I'll see you later."

Lando gave me a brief smile, a mix of gratitude and impatience. "I'll be there as soon as I can. See you later."

He quickly kissed me on the cheek before being whisked away by a member of his team, leaving me behind shocked after his little action but I quickly composed myself knowing I'm in public. I started walking to find my way to his room to wait.

As I was waiting in Lando's room, I heard a knock on the door. Expecting Lando, I called out, "Come in!"

But it wasn't Lando who entered, it was his best friend Max Fewtrell. I knew Max from the times Lando had talked about him, and I was surprised to see him. He too seemed to recognize me.

Max walked in, shutting the door behind him. He gave me a friendly smile. "You must be the girl Lando's been talking about," he said, his voice warm and amiable.

I smiled back, a bit embarrassed at the fact that Lando had been talking about me to his friends. "Yeah, that's me," I replied, feeling a bit nervous in the presence of Lando's best friend.

After Max and I started talking, he casually mentioned how Lando and I had gotten quite close lately. He then added, "Funny, I never expected Lando to go for a fan like this. He was a bit hesitant at first, worried you were going to take advantage of him or something."

His words shocked me. "Wait, what do you mean? He was concerned about me being a fan?" I asked, feeling a pang of hurt and confusion.

Max nodded, the honesty in his eyes clear. "Yeah, he was. Lando didn't want to admit it, but he was scared that you were just interested in him because he's a driver, that you weren't really into him for who he truly is."

I was taken aback, feeling the sting of doubt and hurt. "I can't believe he thought that," I managed to say, my voice soft. "I've been talking to him because I genuinely like him, not because he's a racing driver."

Max sighed, his voice softening. "I think he was just cautious, you know? He gets a lot of attention from fans, and he's had some bad experiences with people pretending to be something they're not. He didn't want that with you."

I was quiet for a moment, mulling over Max's words. A part of me understood Lando's worry – I could imagine the sorts of people he'd encountered – but it still hurt to know he had doubted my intentions all this time.

Max could see the mix of emotions on my face. "Look, Lando really likes you. He does. But he was just scared, that's all. He's been burned before, and he didn't want that to happen again. He didn't want to fall for someone who was only interested in his fame, and not in him as a person."

Max's phone rang suddenly, breaking our conversation. He checked the screen. "Ah, sorry, I gotta take this," he said apologetically. "Lando should be back soon, though. Just talk to him, alright?"

I nodded, managing a small smile. "Yeah, I will. Thanks, Max."

He gave me a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Good luck," he said before exiting the room to take his call.

Now left alone again, I was left with all the thoughts and feelings stirred up by my conversation with Max. Lando was on his way back, which only added to the whirlwind of emotions I was trying to sort through.

I leaned back against the wall, my thoughts chaotic. How could Lando have doubted me? Our connection felt genuine, didn't it? Was all of it just an illusion? Did he see me like just another fan of his? The idea filled me with confusion and hurt.

The sound of the door opening caught my attention, and Lando walked in, a smile still lingering on his face, his adrenaline from winning the race still evident. But as soon as he saw me, his expression faltered, replaced by a look of concern.

"Hey," Lando said, closing the door behind him. "Is everything okay? I just ran into Max, and he said that he talked to you before I got back. You seem upset."

I looked at him, the weight of my emotions clear on my face. "Yeah, Max spoke to me before he left. He told me a few things, about you being hesitant about us because I'm a fan, about you being worried I'm not interested in you but just in your career..."

Lando's expression changed from concern to a mixture of guilt and defensiveness. "That idiot," he muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Look, I can explain..."

I crossed my arms, waiting for him to continue. "Explain, then. Was Max right? Were you really worried about me being just another fan interested in your fame and not in you?"

Lando let out a heavy sigh, sitting down on the edge of the couch. "It's not that simple," he began, his voice unusually serious. "I've had my fair share of people using me for my career. You have no idea the number of people who pretend to care just because being with a driver comes with perks. It makes you wary, okay?"

I tried to understand his point of view, but it still hurt. "I understand that you've been through stuff with others, but you know I'm not like that. I've been nothing but honest and genuine with you. How could you doubt my intentions, especially after all we've discussed and shared?"

Lando looked at me, his eyes earnest. "I know, I know that now. I was just scared, alright? I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you were like the rest. It was stupid, I know, but I couldn't help how I felt."

I pursed my lips, my hurt feelings still not fully soothed. "It's not just stupid, it's hurtful. It makes me feel like you didn't trust me this whole time, like all the things we've shared and the connection we've made didn't matter."

Lando groaned, his face a picture of guilt and regret. "You're right, okay? I was an idiot. I should've trusted you from the start. I shouldn't have let my past experiences color my interactions with you. I'm sorry, really."

I sighed, his words offering some relief but not erasing all the hurt. "I want to believe you, Lando. But words are just words. How do I know you won't keep doubting me in the future? How can I trust that you truly believe I'm here for you, not your fame?"

Lando stood up, moving closer to me until he was standing right in front of me. He looked me straight in the eyes, his voice soft but firm. "I promise you, I won't doubt you again. I see now how wrong I was to question your intentions. And I realize that you are not just any fan. You're special, to me. I never should have let my own fears and insecurities cloud that."

His words were sincere, the remorse and regret clear in his eyes. But a part of me still felt hesitant. "How can I be sure, Lando? How do I know this won't happen again, that you won't second-guess me every time we have a disagreement or a bad day?"

Lando took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "Because, the truth is, I... I have feelings for you. Real feelings. Feelings I can't ignore or deny anymore. And the thought of losing you because I was too scared to trust is... terrifying. And I may always joke around and not take things serious but the feelings I have for you are real how cringy it may sound."

My heart skipped a beat at his words, my eyes widening in surprise. I had suspected he felt something for me, but hearing him confirm it so openly caught me off guard.

"You... you have feelings for me? Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly, not quite believing what I was hearing.

Lando nodded, his gaze unwavering. "I've never been more sure of anything. I tried to fight it, to ignore it, but I can't. I've feelings for you, and they're stronger than my own insecurities and fears. I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it, and I'm sorry for doubting you. But please, believe me. This is real for me. You're real for me."

I looked at him, searching his eyes for any sign of dishonesty. But all I saw was vulnerability, sincerity, and a deep, genuine affection. "I... I don't know what to say," I stuttered, still processing his confession.

Lando stepped closer, his hands gently resting on my arms, his touch sending a shiver down my spine. "You don't have to say anything right now," he said quietly. "Just... don't give up on me yet, okay? Let me show you that I mean what I say. Let me prove to you that I do trust you and that my feelings for you are real."

Without any more hesitation, I looked into Lando's eyes and let the truth spill out. "I have feelings for you too, Lando. I have for a while now. I never thought you'd feel the same way, so I tried to downplay my feelings, to make them seem less real than they were."

Lando's eyes widened at my confession, a mixture of surprise and relief on his face. "You do? You really do?" he asked, as if he needed to hear it more than once to believe it.

I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest. "Yes, I do," I confirmed, my voice filled with conviction. "And it makes what happened even more painful, knowing that you didn't trust me, that you thought I was just another fangirl."

Lando winced, the truth hitting him hard. "I was an idiot, I know. I should've just been honest from the start. I should've trusted my heart instead of letting my fears take over."

Lando looked at me, the guilt still evident in his eyes but mixed with hope now. "So... you forgive me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I took a moment to consider, thinking it over. "I do," I said finally. "I understand why you acted the way you did, even if it hurt. You've been hurt before, and it's hard to trust again after that."

The tension in the room lessened, and Lando let out a sigh of relief. Then he stepped closer, his hand gently lifting my chin. "Thank you," he murmured.

I could feel my heart rate increasing as his face moved closer to mine. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of love and relief. Finally, he broke the remaining distance between us, his lips gently touching mine in a soft, lingering kiss.

The moment our lips met, it was like a spark ignited inside me. I felt a rush of emotions, a mix of relief, joy, and a deep affection for the man in front of me. I kissed him back, pouring all of my feelings into it, wanting him to truly understand how much I cared for him.

The kiss lasted for what felt like a sweet eternity, our lips moving against each other in a tender dance that expressed all the sentiments we both felt. When we finally pulled back, we were both breathless, our foreheads touching as we shared a look that was filled with newfound understanding and love.

After our heartfelt confession and that beautiful kiss, Lando looked at me, a small smirk on his face. "You know, we make quite a pair," he joked, his thumb brushing against my cheek. "A fan and a driver... pretty unconventional, huh?"

I laughed, swatting his hand away gently. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. Just wait until the news gets out. The tabloids will have a field day."

Lando chuckled, pulling me closer to his side. "Let them talk. As long as we're happy, does it really matter what they think?"

I smiled, leaning against him, feeling the warm, solid presence of his body next to mine. "Maybe you're right," I conceded, resting my head on his shoulder. "Besides, I think I kind of like being unconventional."

Lando wrapped his arm around my waist, his chin resting on top of my head. "Good, because I'm not sure traditional would suit us anyway," he teased, nuzzling my hair affectionately.

We stood there for a moment, enjoying each other's embrace, the world outside the room seeming a little less important in this small, private moment of ours.

Just as we were basking in our shared happiness, the door suddenly burst open, startling us both. Max stood in the doorway, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Well, well, well, look who finally figured things out," he teased, his tone light and playful.

Lando groaned, rolling his eyes before grabbing one of the pillows on the couch and throwing it at Max. "You couldn't knock, could you?"

Max dodged the pillow with a laugh, holding his hands up in surrender as he backed out of the room. "Okay, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone," he said, his voice filled with amusement.

Lando and I exchanged a look, both of us shaking our heads at Max's antics. We had a feeling he would be teasing us about this for a while.

After Max exited, closing the door behind him, Lando and I were left alone once more. We both started laughing at the absurdity of the situation, shaking our heads at the antics of Max.

As our laughter subsided, Lando looked at me, his expression soft and affectionate. "I'm still glad he walked in and forced us both to admit our feelings tho," he said, pulling me closer.

I nodded, a smile playing on my lips. "Me too. Max has always been a bit of a nudge, but he means well."

Lando wrapped his arms tighter around me, his chin resting on top of my head. "He's also going to be a huge pain in our asses, you know that, right?" he said, his voice amused.

I chuckled, leaning back into his embrace. "Oh, I'm fully aware," I agreed, a hint of resignation mixed with amusement in my tone. "We'll never hear the end of it from him."

Despite the inevitable banter we'd be subjected to in the coming days from Max and undoubtedly others, we both knew that it was worth it. Being able to hold each other like this, the weight of unspoken feelings lifted, made everything else seem secondary.

We stayed there, enjoying the quiet comfort of each other's company, both knowing that our unconventional love story was just beginning.

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yourusername Crazy to think that it all started because of my clumsy self ☕️

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landonorris: Never been happier with someone spilling coffee on my shirt! Love you gorgeous ❤️ by author

yourfrienduser: So this is what you've been up to huh 🤔

bffuser: Slay girl my bestie is a wag y'all

yourusername: girl chill 🤣

yourfrienduser2: Alright girlie I see you, I would ditch uni for that reason too 🫡

ln4youlover: Is this the girl he was seen with last time?

carlando554x4ever: Yeah that's her it was confirmed by Lando on his insta

formulaonemaniac4: They're so cute together!

lalalando4youx: She was his fan first y'all, do you know what that means?

landosbrokennose4: It means I have a chance with Lewis Hamilton

forformula81: Yeah no chill all of you 😳

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landonorris There's nothing better then geting P1 in my home race, with the best support I could ask for!

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yourusername: So so so proud of you Lan ❤️ by author

maxfewtrell: Still haven't got my credit for helping

landonorris: oh shush mate 🙄

calossainz55: Well done cabrón!

landonorris: Thanks mate!

danielricciardo: Yeah we have much to talk about mate

landonorris: 👀

81osclvr: Brb going to sleep on the highway today 🙃

lnqdformulaone: They're honestly the cutest thing ever

love4ln4shoes: The fact that she was his fan made me more delulu 🤭

forwarverstappen1: This isn't some kind of fanfiction girl 💀

love4ln4shoes: Let a girl dream damn 🫤

The end

[devilstruly]

SUB (?) JASON TODD (18+)

pairing - red hood x fem reader

includes - bondage (m), masturbation, vouyerism, riding, sub turning to dom (if that's not a thing it is now), pet names (princess bc jason is 100% a princess guy and i will die on this hill)

a/n - i think about this man 24/7 i have nothing to say for myself

Imagine tying this 6'5 man down to a chair. it's near the bed, angled just right so he can see everything you're doing. Now you're no fool, tying him down with something as weak as a rope simply won't do.

So you do the next best thing, two sets of handcuffs, not the cheap ones, the actual metal ones that have a key, currently hanging on a chain around your neck. A chain that he gifted you and that he's sure you wore on purpose.

Anywho, he’s sitting in his Red Hood suit, helmet and jacket off, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, cock straining painfully against his pants.

'Eyes on me, Jay, c'mon. I'm doing this for you.'

Your voice is an octave higher and you barely manage a full sentence due to your ragged breathing.

Jason groans, growls more like it, eyes narrowing at you.

'You're playing dirty, princess.' He grits out, arms flexing and hands clenching into fists.

'Who? Me?' You bite your lip to suppress a moan as you curl your fingers. 'Dunno what you're talking about.'

His eyes watch like a hawk when your thighs flex and shake, your head thrown back in a loud moan of his name.

He curses violently, tugging at the restraints for the milionth time. The keys jiggle with your breasts as you move from the bed slowly, throwing your legs over his to effectively straddle him.

Jason's eyes don't leave your body for even a second, completely in a trance. It's only when you hook a finger under his chin and force him to look you in the eyes that he regains focus.

'You're driving me fucking insane, I hope you know that.'

The admission makes you smile, almost seductively and Jason swears he feels his dick twitch in his pants.

You start grinding on him slowly, spelling his name with your hips. His eyes roll back in ecstasy, strings of curses leaving him between breathless moans and whimpers.

He takes one look at the keys between your breasts, deciding he's had enough of your games. Taking you by surprise he leans forward and snaps the chain using his teeth.

Somehow he manages to take it in one of his hands, quickly escaping the first set of cuffs.

'Hey! No fair-'

You protest, still straddling him, hands on his chest. Jason merely grunts as he unlocks the other pair in record speed, hands flying to your hips immediately.

'You've been in charge enough, princess. Now it's my turn.'

His eyes are blown with lust as they rake over your figure and the small pout on your face.

'But I wanted to- Ah!'

Any complaints you might have had are shut down immediately when he starts moving you at a pace he likes, a loud sigh of relief escaping him.

'You were saying?'

[sanaexus]

pass pass- oh smash.

the inarazaki volleyball team was nothing short of chaos. be it the twins bickering, suna recording every fight, aran cheering them on, omimi's loud sighs of disappointment, kita's scolding and the manager's threat was something that happened on a daily basis, it was normal.

but despite all that nothing changed the fact that they were all extremely close, specially with the manager. in the past all most all the managers quit because of how patient you needed to be dealing with the havoc they created. but you were different. dealing with their bullshit every day, helping them with whatever they needed and just being a friend they really needed.

while to anyone outside it may have seemed like you have romantic feelings for one of them and that's why you chose to become the manager, so you could be closer to them. but that really wasn't the case. the last thing you'd like was one of those hooligans.

it was supposed to be a normal practice match with aoba johsai, but this was inarizaki they were talking about, of course it wasn't.

no one knew you were dating oikawa. no, everyone just automatically assumed you were with atsumu. they weren't exactly to blame, you were close to him but that's what happens when you know someone since your childhood.

to say you were tensed about the match was an understatement. not only about how this was going to end on the court but about how the teams would react if they somehow got to know you were with oikawa.

but it was as if luck decided to make a complete fool of me their entire team came barging in, the loud entrance made everyone flinch for a second as they stared at the door.

now you were panicking and omi being the actual saint he was asked you, "are you alright?"

"no, fuck shit no, do i look alright?" i was pacing back and forth trying to hide my face thinking about ways to hide myself from oikawa or at least let him no that he shouldn't approach me.

"are you alright you look like you just saw a ghost"

"that's because i saw someone worse than a ghost! oh my godd can i call in sick please?" you pleaded with him, trying to find any excuse that would get you out of here.

"no. why would you want that, what happened?"

"i'm kinda maybe sorta might be dating someone from seijoh"

"what's the problem, he's in seijoh this is volley- wait you have boyf- WHAT?"

the yelling had caught the team's attention as they look at the both of you confused.

"WE'RE FINE, NOTHING HAPPENED" as you glare at omi "shhh are you trying to get me killed here? the problem is he is the volleyball team and is kinda the captain of the team. i'm just gonna pray he isn't stupid enough to approach me here with these creatures all around me"

"praying isn't going to be enough for what the twins might do to him if they find out."

cue the bad luck as kindaichi and kunimi wave at you, surprised you're standing at the other side of the court. your hands frantically making the cross sign across your chest mouthing "stay away, you don't know me"

"oh wait how about you text him or something to like not come up to you and you'll explain later"

"ohhh my god you're a genius i love you omi"

as you whip your phone out going to text iwaizumi with your hands shaking.

-IWAIZUMI HELP

why do you look like you're about to pass out? are you fine?

-it's because i might pass out any second. my team doesn't know i'm dating oikawa

oh

-yeah tell him to not approach me please if they find out i'll be dead

i'll do it. good luck w this mess

-thank you i owe you big time

you look up from your phone to talk to omi- "i told his bestfriend to tell him to not approach me that should work right?"

"why didn't you tell him directly? what if he thinks he's just saying it so he stays focused"

"ohhh you're like SUPPER smart, i dont know what i'd do without you"

"probably have your little affair get caught"

you just mutter a little "rude" before going to text oikawa. but before you can, he comes in yelling.

"Y/NNN CHANN I MISSED YOUUU" his whiney voice can be heard to everyone as he jogs his over to you.

you sigh, knowing what's about to go down. "hi oikawa, i missed you too.." you whisper so only you can hear it. and before you can process the entire inarizaki volleyball team (and seijoh) is surrounding the two of you.

suna could careless about who you dated, if you were happy he didn't mind it. but this was something that was both surprising and funny, so of course he had to record it.

it was confusing to the team because up until now they were under the impression you were dating atsumu.

"wait wait wait what does he mean by he missed you? are you two friends?" osamu was curious, he knew you weren't dating his brother but he thought you liked him.

oikawa dramatically turned towards you "you haven't told them?"

"ladies, ladies there's enough of me to go around" which only brought you deadpan looks from both the volleyball teams "ok sorry, my bad for being funny"

"wait what does he mean you haven't told us??"

"we've been dating for a year, the last thing we could be is friends-"

"you're dating him? I thought you were with atsumu?"

"atsumu? i thought you were dating suna?"

"why me? i didn't even do anything keep me out of this?"

"NO WHY WOULD I BE DATING EITHER OF THEM?"

"what's wrong with us?" suna and atsumu asked offended.

"shut up i've seen you eating sand and you ask me what's wrong with the two of you?"

"y/n chan, what's going on?" kunimi asks curiously. the seijoh's team just stood there watching you, oikawa and the inarizaki members going back and forth.

"all of you shut up, we didn't even let y/n explain properly"

"oh my god thank you kita-"

"you don't like the twins?"

"KITA?! no oh lord i don't, i've been dating toruu for the past year, i never did and never will like any of these hooligans, no offense"

"HEY! that's rude-" before atsumu could whiney any further osamu smacked him in the back of his head, which shut him up immediately.

"what about the rumors of a girl making out with atsumu? that wasn't you?" suna finally asked, genuinely wanting to know more.

"Y/N-CHAN YOU MADE OUT WITH PISS HAIR? WHAT?"

"no oh my god toruu I didn't-"

"oh, that wasn't her that was just a junior i dated."

"yeah that wasn't me wait ew juniors? really atsumu?"

"she was cute! don't shift this on me"

"but guys seriously i never had have or will like anyone from the volleyball team. i'm sorry i hid it from you guys, but i was just scared of what you guys would think"

"are you happy? does he keep you happy?" aran asked borderline choking atsumu.

the question caught you off guard but instantly a small smile replaced the shock on your face "yes, he does, he's stupid but he really does make me happy"

"then that's all that matters"

"aww thank you-"

"nuh uh, i don't approve, what if he's a playboy?" atsumu disapprovingly shook his head praying aran's hands off him.

"oh god no one wants to hear that from you" suna shut atsumu up.

atsumu quietly huffed a "rude"

"well now that that's sorted, we should probably get back to warming up"

"yes thank you kindaichi, finally a normal person"

"y/n?" aran called out to you.

"yes?"

"just because your boyfriend's in that team doesn't mean we'll go easy on them, we'll just be rougher with them"

"if it makes you win, be my guest."

this was a bit awkward to write and I'm not proudest of this either but we'll js roll with it

@daisy-room here you go mam hope I did your idea justice

[monstertreden]

ˎˊ˗ STARK REALITY ˎˊ˗

-Reader: GN reader (It can be either platonic or romantic) -TW: Angst to the core (I suppose it is somewhat bittersweet) -Character: Rodimus Prime (Transformers series) -Summary: Lately, the captain of the Lost Light had begun neglecting his own responsibilities, anchoring himself to his berth... -Word count : 1489 A/N: I'm dropping this before christmass hell yeahw 🔔 I started to work on this after me and my friend joked about Rodimus using Gen Z slang 💀💀

“Rodimus- I swear to Primus-‘m thryng…mhh to…sleep, one more metal-crushing hug and I’ll throw you out of the ship...”

“Hey hey heyyy slow down there pretty, how could you ever blame me?? Damn, you don’t know how HARD is to keep my servos all to myself when I know you feel sooo nice snuggled in my arms like this” There he was, once again, sprawled in his room on his berth, venting softly in the quiet intimacy of the moment. He had his servo draped around his sparkmate’s waist, holding them close. That menace of a bot curled his lips into a playful pout, resting his chin lightly on their helm as he let out a theatrical sigh “You’re always a party pooper”.

In response, the other bot chuckled, shaking their helm at his antics “Me? Shouldn’t YOU be more responsible instead? I’m starting to think that all this Prime thing has gone over your helm...”

"NUH UH now-… alright, maybe just a little...What can I say? On one servo I must tend to my responsibilities as a Prime…" He grinned, his tone becoming lighter as he added with exaggerated flair "Buttt on the other hand… it’s poggers."

His sparkmate groaned audibly, immediately cringing at his elegant choice of words. Yet, they couldn’t expect much else from him—though they still, somehow, managed to have some faith in this lovable fool. “Never. Never say that again.” Exasperated, they buried their faceplate deeper into his plating, slapping his chassis. "I don’t want to hear any more slang you’ve picked up from those fleshies on Earth" they grumbled. “It’s horrible”

A laugh vibrated through his frame, as he squeezed them closer. "Aww, c’mon! It’s totally poggers! You love it," he said, his grin widening. Despite the banter, the comfort between them was unmistakable, their connection stronger than any playful jabs or groggy protests.

"Ughhh, now I completely understand Ultra Magnus," they groaned, their voice dripping with dramatic exasperation as they shifted slightly in his arms.

That remark struck Rodimus right in his spark. With a mock gasp of offense, he clutched at his chassis dramatically, as though they’d just delivered a fatal blow. "Comparing yourself to that old cranky bot?? No way at all!! No way I’m letting you transform into a copy of him!" he retorted, his voice rising in playful indignation as he held her closer, his optics still closed with a cheeky grin spreading across his lips, his tone dropping into teasing. "You’re way cuter, pff" Sticking out his glossa he squeezed them for emphasis like a kid would do with their comfort plushie. "And, most importantly” he continued with a mock-serious tone “you don’t have a stick up your aft like he does, I mean, I can still come to you when I ‘forget’ to report a report."

"You certainly are a pain in the aft," they muttered, though their tone carried no real annoyance.

Pleased with himself, he nuzzled against them like an overgrown turbo-puppy. "Yeah, but you love me anyway, ah" His voice brimming with that unshakable, shameless confidence he always brought with him, a complete package.

Surrendering to Rodimus's behavior, they gently caressed the sides of his faceplate, making him melt in their servos. All pretense of bravado slipped away as his guard came completely down. He curled against them like a small kitten seeking warmth, his frame humming softly in contentment. He was a sucker for cuddles and they both knew it, always seeking comfort in the other's presence, content just by being close to them, helm on top of where their spark resided. “You look silly sleep talking with me with your optics closed shut”.

“’Cause you’re reallyy pretty y’know? Your prettiness can easily blind me, babygirl” What a buffoon he was, but a lovable one, through and through. For them, he would act even stupider, just to hear them laugh, it always sent warm waves to his spark, a steady reminder of why he cherished those moments dearly.

“Rodimus. Prime.” They began, laughing “Let me go!!, I swear I’ll suffocate at this rate in your grasp”

"Nooooo... “ He whined dramatically, like a sparkling throwing a tantrum, yet his loopy grin remained unaltered ” I don't want to let go. I want you close to me."

“I know that you dumb idiot, but you've been in your room for cycles!” Their voice took a softer tone “They need you too, y’know, more than me right now.”

He froze at their words, his systems reacting instantly. His grip tightened instinctively, reluctant to part from their embrace. An unnerving silence settled over them for a moment before his sparkmate murmured, "I’m sorry." They interlocked their digits with his, a gesture that made Rodimus shudder slightly as his shoulders hunched, savoring the warmth of their touch.

" You don’t have to apologize. It's not your fault. I just... I just miss you. I yearn for your touch, warmth, and presence every day” His voice filled with a mix of grief, affection, and longing. “Would you stay for another minute...please?"

He felt their servo come to rest gently over his spark, the warmth of their touch cutting through the storm in his processor. Their voice, soft and soothing, broke through his thoughts. "We both know it’s not healthy" they said, concern threading through their tone.

"I know, doll. I know. But sometimes... Sometimes I just wish I could forget all of that and just hold onto this moment forever."

He let out a sigh, knowing deep down that they were right. He knew he couldn't cope with all of this by isolating himself and reliving memories forever. But letting go was easier said than done, it was too much to bear. How long had he been isolating himself from everything and everyone? Cycles, surely, but it felt like an eternity. The silence of the room, once their sanctuary, now felt suffocating.  Deep down he wanted to break free from this opulent room, but he was holding back, his spark too heavy to simply get up and go on with his day.

"…. but it's just so difficult to move on when I still miss you so much. Every time I look at a room we used to share, it feels like a part of me in my spark dies inside."

There was a moment of steady silence, that made Rodimus feel insecure as he held his breath, as if they were not there until they spoke again.

“I know you keep my chair tidy, but..why don't you just store it away?”

His optics flickered at their words, a faint glimmer betraying the emotions he tried to keep hidden. His grip on their forearms tightened, trembling slightly as if bracing himself against a tide, he stammered, a sour smile on his faceplate.

"I-I  keep your chair tidy because it reminds me of you... of our time together. It's the last thing I have that was truly yours,and.. and throwing it away, moving it out of my sight... it would be like throwing away a part of you."

The confession tumbled out all at once, his tone cracking as he finally admitted the truth aloud. Rodimus paused to recollect himself. His vents hitched, and for a moment, the silence was deafening.

"I know it's foolish, everyone said that..I didn’t mean to lash out at them- but I can't bring myself to discard it-It’s- it’s not just a chair- It's like a silent promise that you'll come back one day.."

He confessed, his voice expressing both grief and frustration. That day, someone had dared to comment on the empty chair, an offhand remark that ignited something volatile within him. He hadn’t taken it well, his usual lightheartedness replaced by an uncharacteristic intensity that even he didn’t fully understand. The chaos in his mind was interrupted by an almost forgotten sensation, their servo, warm and steady, gently guiding his own to rest over their spark... A fresh wave of emotions crashed over him. He knew they were right, that he couldn't stay in this state forever. But the thought of letting go, of moving on, felt like a physical ache in his circuitry. “I’ll always be there, somehow-“

Tears started to prickle his optics* "I..I can’t, I really can’t"

“Listen to me..” They gently turned his faceplate towards hers, servos cradling his faceplate with utter care “You can do it, for me, for you..for us.”

“You still have lots to do, captain.” They soon added, he could feel them cracking a smile at him. “My captain”

Oh, how he wanted to look at their smile once again, yet he kept his optics shut, his spark aching. He knew they were right, that he had his duties as captain to attend to, a crew that needed him to be more than this hollow husk of himself. But moving forward felt impossible, But for them? He’d do anything, he’d tear the Matrix from his chest, give every piece of himself if it meant keeping his promise to them alive. He would try, he’ll try for them, to move on and carry on his duties as captain, even though letting go felt like ripping out a piece of his spark…

Minutes passed and when he felt nothing more against his faceplate that’s when he opened his tired optics, confronted with the stark reality that they were no longer there, his room was empty and cold. The weight of everything crashed down on him and his spark ached with a deep consuming sorrow. He couldn’t stay there anymore, rotting on the berth.

“For you, for me… for us…”

He repeated this as a mantra, slowly getting up from their once-shared berth, fuelled by the love he felt for them and the desire to make them proud. As he got up, his helm felt heavy, he stood there for a moment, brushing his digits against the edge of the berth. Opening the door of his room, he stepped a pede out, the dim lights of the corridors of the Lost Light welcomed him back.

“I promise, watch me.”

---------------

[your-local-hoemie]

Hi! Can i request childe and zhongli (seperate) coming home to his beloved overworked and slumped over her desk?

Omg I get to write geo papi :D watch me work my brain juices for ya!

Warnings: fluffffff, a tiny bit of angst in childes if you squint again because I can’t help myself, Concerned boys, not proof-read, established relationships, gn! Reader (I know you said “her” in the request but I wanna keep it gn for everyone’s enjoyment if that’s ok aaaaaa.)

Characters: Childe, Zhongli

No I didn’t get carried away hahaha….hah

···

Childe~

He doesn’t understand at first lmfao

Mans constantly working so like? Isn’t this normal??

Honestly you might be helping him stop for a bit too

Gets very concerned :(

Might think you’ve died for a split second

Once he realised you’re fine he’ll make sure you’re moved to a comfier place like the bed or couch

Try to protest. I dare you.

He’ll probably arrange for one of his subordinates to complete any work you had left just to make sure you can rest

I also dare anyone to protest against a harbinger for finishing your work :)

You had been assigned a bunch of documents from Yanfei to go over after being transferred to her for extra work experience in Liyue before officially graduating.

At first your couldn’t be more optimistic about the workload telling yourself that it’s all worth it in the long run after years of studying law!

That lasted maybe a good four days before the lack of sleep and neglect to eat and drink properly started kicking in.

Raising your head you looked up from the paperwork checking the time. 4:30am. Groaning you raked your fingers through your hair, dragging them down your face trying to keep yourself grounded.

But much to your dismay no matter how hard you tried to keep your eyes open and your head free of fatigue, your body decided to finally take charge and before you can even protest, your head lowered to the table as your heavy eyes finally closed and took the rest they needed.

Meanwhile your beloved boyfriend, childe. Eleventh of the fatui harbingers, had finally got home after endless hours of his own work as a “toy maker”. He never told you about his true occupation, always worried it would put you in harms way or make you scared of him.

Opening the door to your house, making his way up to your bedroom he didn’t actually expect to see you awake being so early in the morning so when he saw the bed untouched and you nowhere in sight he’d be lying if he didn’t feel a twinge of dread run down his spine.

“Babe? Where are you?”

Picking up his pace he’d hurry around the house opening each door, his bow appearing in his hand from anxiety.

Reaching the finally room of your home he swung the door open only to find you slumped over your desk surrounded by paperwork.

Almost running over to your side he dropped to his knee’s placing his hand on your back almost like you’d break under his touch he softly shook you taking comfort in feeling your soft, deep breaths under his touch.

“Hmm? Childe?”

Raising your head groggily you look at your boyfriend for a moment trying to piece together the situation while rubbing your still heavy, sleepy eyes.

“Archons Y/N, you almost gave me a heart attack! Why aren’t you asleep In bed!?”

Giggling sleepily you tried your best to explain the situation all while still feeling the heavy pull of sleep in your body not noticing the soft, if not concerned smile appearing across his face.

Letting out a sigh he gathered you in his arms lifting you up with ease, he carried you to the bedroom placing you down on the bed before pulling you tightly into his arms kissing your forehead.

“No more work for you love”

You were pretty confused to later find out you somehow still managed to finish all the paperwork before passing out even though you swore there was still a pile to go through~

Zhongli~

Oh he already knew.

You thought you were slick? You fool.

From the moment he laid eyes on the workload given to you all the way to your first yawn

He knew

He’d try to make it easier on you, knowing your stubbornness

Brings you fruit and tea every so often

Don’t be surprised if you get a nice back massage too~

Once he thinks it’s gone on for far too long he will take action and there won’t be a damn thing you can do

He’s a ex god. Come on.

If he thinks you should rest then you’re gonna rest

To bed with you

Lots of cuddles and head pats! Maybe even humming if he thinks it’ll help you relax

He won’t do your work for you, he doesn’t have the heart to risk ruining your hard work but he will help you if you seem like you’re struggling!

Much to no one’s surprise, Hu Tao had ever so kindly managed to gather a ever increasing collection of complaints from the citizens of Liyue from her persistent shenanigans that you’d be hard pushed not to find at least a little disturbing, leaving you to deal with the mountain on papers to sort through.

The moment zhongli caught wind of what had been keeping you so occupied from your routine walk through the harbour he was irritated to say the least.

After having a word with Hu Tao that was borderline passive aggressive he immediately stopped by the market picking up the best fruit he could find (much to Childe’s dismay) along with your favourite snacks.

Meanwhile you had enclosed yourself in your office, pondering your life choices while using all the strength you had to stay focused.

How long has it been since you started? When was the last time you ate? Questions hardly noticeable floated around the back of your mind as you intently ignored the pangs in your stomach and the worsening migraine growing across your head.

Letting out a frustrated sigh you finish reading a particularly rude letter sent in only to turn the page over by chance just to see that the paragraphs contained on the other side.

Finally snapping under the stress you lay your head down in defeat on the desk, tears threatening to run from your eyes and soak the papers under your head as you feel your body take over and force you to close them at last.

It wasn’t too long before you woke up in a mild state of panic before noticing a plate of beautifully arranged fruit, a warm cup of tea sitting beside you and a blanket draped over your aching back.

“Ah, you have finally awoken. Forgive me dear but I couldn’t bring myself to wake you from your much needed slumber so I took the liberty to prepare you some food”

God I love writing his funky little words

“Zhongli? H-how long have you been there?? What time is it!?”

“Hush now. No need to get worked up over such trivial things, you still have plenty of time to continue your work but I must remind you that rest and recuperation is an essential part to such dealings”

With that you find him dragging a chair next to you. letting out a deep chuckle he turned you towards him gentle pushing your head down to his lap as his fingers stroked through strands of hair. (If you’re bald then just ignore this part💀)

“Rest for now my dear, I shall assist you in this mess when you have recovered”

Not daring to protest against his authoritative tone, you close your eyes feeling your body melt at his touch.

Maybe a little rest wouldn’t hurt after all~

Bruh writing in zhongli’s fancy words is so fun I feel so sophisticated *sticks pinkie out and sips tea*

[witch-from-hogwards]

when 77 met 32

Shubman’s POV:

I came to my dream place. Cricket: the love of my life. That should sum up my entire life together. I have been playing cricket for as long as I can remember. My father was my first couch. He taught me everything he knew. First, I played cricket because it made my father happy. But then I started to understand just why it made him so damn happy. Now I breathed cricket and there was nothing else I could be addicted to more than cricket. There was nothing else that could make me happier. (well not until now. But there will be something or rather someone who would be my addiction and my anchor more than cricket is. But that would be future shubman’s problem not mine.)

I entered dharmashala with just one thought in mind. Do or die. Yeah, yeah, sounds cliché I know. But yeah that was exactly what I was feeling. I am here to prove myself, to prove my worth. I was chosen amongst hundreds of other players. And I want to be worthy of being here rather than being a waste of space. I want to climb up the stairs of success before falling down then collecting myself and climb up again. Andddd I fell. Yeah, sounds just like my life. Fuck it. I fell in the middle of the damn ground and now everybody thinks that I am an idiot who can’t even walk properly. Wow I always somehow manage to make a fool out of myself. How amazing.

I was drowning in self misery and hatred when a hand was held towards me. I looked up and there stood a man not much older then myself with a pretty smile on his face, his demeanour friendly enough to befriend a fucking dragon. I took the hand because how could I not. He was standing there all smiley and I was awkwardly lying in the middle of the ground. So, I took his hand and stood on my two feet. He then started to gather my stuff while I was staring at him like he was the one who pushed me. “hi, I am Ishan kishan.” He held his hand out for a handshake but I needed a headshake because why the fuck can I not move of say anything at all. Hell, even an awkward hi would be enough at a moment like this but my dumb brain decided to hang just this moment. And his smile started to turn all awkward because god I just ignored him completely. “shubmann” it was Rishab pant. We met once before and he was a bit too friendly so we clicked on instantly and have been in touch ever since. “oh, hi Ishan, met him already?” it was a question directed towards Ishan. “yeah…..well. kind off yes” oh god was it awkward, this Ishan person looked like nothing can do anything to him and I made even a person like that feel awkward wow, how amazing. Just perfect. “did something happen?” it was rishab. Well yes if you have eyes something did happen. I think I might be getting a heart attack right now because yes, I admit that I am an introvert that talks less but never in my entire existence have I felt this helpless and tongue tied before. And now they were both looking at me and I felt a very overwhelming urge to run away. Amazingly I felt like running far away from here from cricket from the entire world and never show my face to anyone at all. Live a quiet life away from limelight and cricket, even farming sounded like an amazing idea right now. I think my forehead is sweating a bit too much and my heart is going to come out of my chest if I stand here for 5 more minutes and yeah, I will most definitely cry. I think Ishan noticed this, “its okay gill, breath.” And he was thumping my back I think I really was holding my breath because I breathed out and now, I feel much better. And then he started to slowly caress my back as if you would to a nauseous person. That really did help. “tha-thank you” I managed. “Are you okay?” it was rishab this time, he actually looked quite worried. “yeah, I think I am.” And then I turned to Ishan who was now smiling at me with one of the sweetest smiles I have ever witnessed. “Sorry, hi, I am Shubman gill.” “I know, I was waiting for you. See you around.” With that he walked away. And I turned to rishab with a confused look on my face. “Why do you look like that now, idiot literally every senior knows you. You are quite famous you know.” He said with a teasing smile. And I have no idea why in the world would they know me. Well some of my doubts got cleared out in the next few days when I learned that Ishan kishan who was going to play the under 19 world cup this year new everybody on the campus. It did not matter if you are a senior a junior of even a janitor, he knew everybody. No wonder he knew me also. But in the next few days I learned something else too, rishab was right indeed quite a lot of seniors knew me. I still don’t know why though. The under 19 players of this year were decided but we were here to practice. And so, there were team A team B team C and so on. These teams had nothing to do with the under 19 world cup these were all domestic. Juniors were here to practice for the selection of the under 19 world cup, for the next year and the seniors who were not already selected were here for yet another chance. The selected players though were playing to practice for the world cup. I was selected to play for team B. I don’t know what this is called but the captain of my team was one and only Ishan kishan. Iconic isn’t it?

“Hey, you look much better today.” It was Ishan who had walked to me right after the selection of the teams. “hey, yeah I don’t know what happened that day.” “It’s okay, I think it was a minor panic attack. I am not sure why you would panic enough to get a panic attack though. Does it happen often?” “nope it was the first time, I didn’t even know what it was called.” “hello lucky guy Ishan.” It was rishab again. “that’s not fair at all Ishan, you stole shubman I knew him before you,” “well not my fault that shubman is destined to be in my team. Be ready to lose fucker.” I don’t know why but my heart picked up speed at that. “fuck you” rishab cursed and it did not sound genuine at all. Rishab was the captain of Team A. “shubman come join my team instead. This goon is gonna work you stupid.” “well its really not in my hand to change teams, is it?” I said. Well it really was. I mean we could exchange some players if we wanted to but I wanted to stay and it might have shown on my face because both rishab and Ishan shared a looked and a smile bloomed on both of their faces together. A teasing smile on rishab’s face and a grateful smile on ishan’s. I had no idea what either of the smiles meant.

[ananicoleta]

hiii! character ask questions here! 6 and 25 for bugs bunny (*￣︶￣*)

Hiiii! Thanks for the ask! 🫶

6. What is something you have in commom with this character?

Hmm. Not many things actually. Bugs and I aren't really alike if I think about it. I guess I can relate to the fact that he's a simple guy who just wants to live and enjoy a simple life, to just have fun. That's how I am too for the most part. I don't want a luxorious life, I just want a nice one. The difference between my life and Bugs' is that he somehow always manages to get into the most absurd and tangled situations whereas my existence remains pretty uneventful for the most part.😂

(I would also maybe, MAYBE say that, just like Bugs, I get angry whenever I witness an injustice. The reason I am hesitant to say this is because I don't see Bugs as necessarily being justice-driven. He is a nice guy who sometimes feels bad about others and will try to help them, especially if he percieves them as being more helpless than he is. I identify with that. But he is also very quick to get revenge and very ruthless when he does so, sometimes going to far, so I'm kinda meh about this. Bugs, like I said before, just wants to live his life and doesn't go out of his way to bring justice or fight corrupt systems or whatever. I see myself as more of an activist, more outspoken about these issues and more driven to fix them than him.)

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

At first, I really saw Bugs as this untouchable really cool guy, who never took anyone's bullshit, was perfectly capable of defending himself and of making a complete fool out of anyone who crossed him because he was always ten steps ahead of them. At the same time, he wasn't an asshole because he had a strict sense of morality, an intolerance for injustice and corruption and a tendency to help others in need. Basically, in my eyes he was almost perfect, his only flaw in my view being his slightly inflated ego (but I saw that ego as being sort of justified seeing as he was Bugs freaking Bunny).

Now my view of him is much more nuanced. I certainly don't see him as being almost perfect. He is actually, from what I've noticed, deeply flawed.

A lot of Bugs' power rests in his image and the way he crafts it. He is not as untouchable as he claims to be. He actually fears being alone and forgotten. In Space Jam 2 we can see this fear. He can't function without other toons to engage with, without an audience to applaud him, without someone to laugh at his jokes and humour him. He needs that validation because deep down he's actually very afraid and not at all as confident as he seems (this can be a result from his rocky beginning as a character aka the trauma he suffered in the first years of his creation, with him being a copy of Daffy at first, not being liked by the audience, almost being scrapped away and finally, being redesigned and starring in 'A Wild Hare' in 1940 -- which is considered to be his actual debut -- and being a huge hit).

Secondly, Bugs has a really elevated view of himself. At first, I thought that he truly was a "noble" character, but that doesn't really apply to him. He thinks of himself as being a nice guy -- which to an extent he is -- but he is actually much more selfish that he likes to admit and can be very ruthless when he wants too. This can be seen especially in his earlier shorts when he was a literal menace to society. Then in his later cartoons he became calmer, more contained, more calculated. He began thinking about his image more and how he can manipulate it in order to make himself seem the best and the coolest in the room. Not to say that Bugs doesn't have morals, that his values are inconsistent or flighty. He deffinetly has a moral system and he sticks by it. However, he thinks he is a much better person than he is, which makes him feel justified whenever he gets revenge.

Not to mention how emotionally constipated he is. Look at 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action', where this is shown very well. Daffy means the world to him, that's clear, and he would literaly realign the stars for him -- except he can't say that out loud. He has to act like he doesn't car, like he's too cool to care (nit to memtion tbat everything with Daffy is a power game, a competition and he can't risk losing it by being vulerable, open and sincere). He himself doesn't even know/can't articulate what he's feeling because, if we look past his ability to read people very well, then Bugs isn't really good with feelings. (This movie also ephasizes his selfishness once again -- he wants Daffy back because he misses him, but he dpesm't really consider the duck's demands of an improvement)

Wow, I really went off om that last one huh? Go figure. My point: at first, my perception of Bugs was more simple and it reduced him to a seemingly flawless but, at the same time, one-dimentional character. Now, however, I see him for the flawed but not dislikable character that he is: a huge ego but no aspiration for fame or fortune, a well-defined set of morals that he truly believes in but a manipulative and vindictive nature, an unbelievable calmness that restrains the mischiveous soul of a prankster, an almost perfect image that hides a lot of secret fears, insecurities and feelings. He is a very complex character indeed and I love him for it. :)

[mistressoftherant-blog]

The 2012 Boys and Mikey

I have seen so many posts and fics claiming that most of the '12 boys are abusive towards Mikey, as well as saying that 12 Mikey would be treated so much better by the Rise boys, and I just wanted to take a minute to explain why I don't really agree with this take, why I think it is painting the other 12 boys in a particularly unfair light, and why I can't really see the Rise Donnie treating 12 Mikey in a different way than 12 Donnie.

Firstly, and an argument that probably everyone has heard before, is that whenever Mikey is slapped or is made fun of, this is a normal things for siblings. And I 100% agree with this. I myself only have an older sister, so I can't quite say that I know what having brothers is like, but from my own experiences (and what I've seen/heard from family members and friends), most siblings, especially brothers, will be at each ohers throats both physically and verbally one minute, and the next will be laughing and joking together. Because you know your sibling doesn't really mean it, and most of the time you're giving as good as you get. Which brings me on to my next point, which is that Mikey absolutely gives back as much crap as he gets.

Throughout the series, Mikey is consistently shown to be a stereotypical, annoying little brother. He will constantly poke and prod at his brothers, despite being well aware of their tempers and how they will respond to his taunting (he does this to both Raph and Donnie's tempers, and also messes with them when they are stressed out/scared). He is also very willing to insult his brothers, as they do to him. He's not some innocent baby getting assaulted whenever the mood strikes his siblings, he instigates all the time.

Another thing that irks me is when fanfics portray 12 Donnie as being a worse brother than Rise Donnie for not wanting his Mikey in his lab. This is completely unjustified seeing as both Mikey's are pretty different characters who react to things differently, which in turn influences how their Donnie's treat them. Rise Mikey seems to come across as more mature in many ways than his counterpart. Sure, he still likes to fool around, and he can still be clumsy, but for the most part he seems to be (for lack of a better word) a bit more respectful towards his brothers' boundaries. 12 Mikey, on the other hand, is often shown to be messing around in Donnie's lab/with dangerous things, causing a bunch of accidents and endangering others numerous times. Of course 12 Donnie wouldn't want him anywhere near his lab, Mikey could get hurt, could get someone else hurt, or could destroy a bunch of research/equipment which would mean wasting a bunch of Donnie's time/effort, as well as a need to replace items which are already hard to come by when you are a mutant living in a literal sewer.

I also believe that Rise Donnie would refuse to let 12 Mikey anywhere near his lab after seeing the carnage he regularly causes. No little brother from an alternative dimension privilege would stop Rise Donnie's homicidal tendencies one his lab gets blown up for the nth time after 12 Mikey touches something he was warned to stay away from. His own brothers barely get a pass. Also, the Rise brothers are also shown to hit each other when someone is being too annoying etc (of the top of my head, I know Raph smacks Donnie with a sandal during The clothes don't make the turtle)

This is in no way me bashing 12 Mikey, he doesn't set out to hurt anyone most of the time (again, he does set out to rile his brothers up a lot though), but I'm rather frustrated with people acting like he gets treated absolutely awfully in the show, when half the time he doesn't even get held accountable for his own actions (his negligence mutated ice cream kitty, he gets a cool pet out of it. His actions almost get Donnie's mind destroyed, he somehow manages to create the cure and faces basically no punishment for it. Other characters are punished in similar scenarios, for example, Raph loses Spike due to his mistake with the mutagen, and also almost gets himself and his brothers killed, even when Slash becomes good, it still isn't the same.) It's also unfair to act as if Raph and Donnie are abusive. Sure, they aren't always perfect, and they could probably stand to shout at him and slap him less, bit I think their reactions are mostly justified, and again, fairly standard when it comes to siblings.

12 Splinter also seems to get on Raph and Donnie's cases more for teasing/taunting their brothers, whereas I can't really recall Mikey being told of for doing the same thing (please let me know if I am wrong on that), though that is a whole different kettle of fish, looking at how Splinter definitely favours Leo, and to an extent Mikey, over Donnie and Raph.

[thevoiceofthebard]

Chapter 5 - Sven I: Before The Storm

Sundas, 17th of Last Seed 4E201 Early Evening

Sven

I never particularly liked my hometown of Riverwood. Perhaps it's because of the constant state of twilight the town lives in, nestled between two of the tallest mountain ridges in Skyrim. Perhaps it's the fact that I was never the rough type, like the other children I grew up with, who always wanted to play Guards and Bandits.

Maybe it's the overwhelming presence of my mother.

Whatever the cause, no one was surprised when I leapt at the chance to leave when I'd heard the Bard's College in Solitude was searching for applicants. I scrounged together all the spare septims I had earned from doing odd jobs around town, and left despite my mother's protests. Solitude and the College were beyond anything I'd ever seen before. And when I completed my training, my freedom became infinite. I would travel wherever I desired, from Markarth to Winterhold. I even travelled to High Rock and Cyrodiil. Every inn would trade me a meal and a bed from a night of revelry. And of course, the beds were plenty large enough for two; I rarely spent a night cold and alone. It was so severed from my childhood, and I loved every minute.

And I despise every minute I waste away here in Riverwood once more.

I'll admit it's hardly the worst place I've plied my trade. Winterhold comes to mind; no amount of the finest Blackbriar Reserve promised by the innkeeper could convince me to spend another bitter cold night amongst those equally bitter mages and malcontents. I look around from the porch of my mother's house. Here, at least, the weather is serene, the patrons are boisterous, and that old haggler Delphine pays me a decent wage for my nights at the inn. Good Colovian Brandy, too. Not that Honnngbrew swill from down the road. Too bad all the women in town were married and, more importantly, faithful. (Not altogether too terrible a problem, hard to avoid a cuckolded husband when you live mere houses away.)

From the corner of my eye, I notice movement at the Riverwood Trader. Lucky me, the one unattached woman in all Riverwood is arranging wares in plain view. Camila Valerius. A gorgeous Imperial woman who opened the store with her brother sometime during my absence. Despite my best efforts, and her obvious interest, I've yet to entice her into bed. I've had more than my fair share of rejection, from whispered apologies to slaps and thrown drinks. But this... This is different. I've never pined after the local tavern wench, or felt pangs of jealousy when they flirted with other men or mer. I wonder when I realized I was courting Camila rather than merely chasing her skirt.

It's due to this recent realization I find myself scowling, despite her presence nearby. Not because of Camila, but because of another man, chopping wood just across the path, thankfully out of sight. A rival of love, and the main obstacle standing between myself and Camila. Faendal. The damned pointy-eared tree-hugger somehow managed to worm his way into Camila's life. And for some gods-awful reason, she seems just as interested. I silently seeth as I furtively glare at the wood elf, working away in silence. What she sees in the waif-ish fool, I can't tell. Even now, he's lazing about, chatting up some stranger in robes. But their private conversations and shared laughter during my sets at the inn make it all too clear how close they are growing. It's unbearable.

I hear a yelling from behind me, startling me out of my silent animosity. Reluctantly I face the second roadblock to my romance. My mother.

"A dragon! I saw a dragon!" She raves, pointing to the sky.

For a moment, I'm completely puzzled. "What? What is it now, mother?"

"It was as big as the mountain, and black as night. It flew right over the barrow!"

Gods, it's getting worse. "Dragons, now, is it? Please, mother, if you keep on like this, everyone in town will think you're crazy." The fact that she undeniably was touched in the head notwithstanding. "And I've got better things to do than listen to more of your fantasies."

With that, my mother droops her head and shuffles away, muttering under her breath petulantly; "You'll see. It was a dragon. It'll kill us all, and then you'll believe me."

My mother. The bane of my life. I'd been sojourning in Cyrodiil when a courier found me, bearing a letter that mother had contracted Brain Fever. I rushed home, expecting a funeral, but instead finding a brain-addled parent who had survived almost certain death. Whether blessing or curse, I was unsure, considering it left her incapable of caring for herself.

And so I remain.

...

"She's right, you know."

I near jump straight out of my clothes at the sudden voice behind me, turning to find the stranger from earlier standing just over my shoulder. "S...Sorry?"

"About the dragon. She did see one. I'm Talao, by the way."

I take his proffered hand instinctively. "Sven. I'm sorry, but did you just say my mother actually saw a dragon? Surely, you jest. It's not possible; dragons have been extinct since the Second Era."

"Ah, true. I suppose the flaming ruins of Helgen were assaulted by a figment of my imagination then."

I laugh nervously, but the man's expression doesn't change. "By the gods, you're serious. Helgen gone?" Visions of Riverwood going the way of Helgen flashed before my eyes, and I had to repress a shudder. "You had best tell the Jarl in Whiterun. He needs to know about this."

"Most certainly, Sven. But I need your help with something, and that fellow Faendal said you might be able to assist me." I must not have been able to disguise my disgust at the mention of the damned elf, as he continues, "Faendal made the same face before he mentioned your name. Bad blood?"

Frankly, I wasn't sure how much I should tell the man. Gossip is always less enticing when the subject is yourself. But along the same lines, my love life is hardly a secret in this town, and he'd be certain to hear about the particulars soon enough. And better he take my side than that wretched wood-elf. Mayhap he could even help me somehow. "I suppose you could say we're rivals of love. Camila Valerius knows I'm the best man in Riverwood. That elf is kidding himself if he thinks she would choose him over me. I've seen him sneaking over to the Riverwood Trader to speak with her when I'm not around. He's wasting his time."

A wry look appears on Talao's face. "Yes, two people spending time together never blossoms into courtship."

His response peeves me. "Is that sarcasm? I've heard better wisecracks from Orgnar, and I've never seen him smile." At this, Talao bursts into laughter, rather than become insulted. It puts me at ease, knowing he can take a barb in good nature. "Still, you have a point. Camila letting Faendal visit her isn't a good thing for me."

"What do you plan to do about it? Though, far be it from me to intrude on your business..."

Yes, he could definitely help me. "Perhaps... I could forge a letter filled with venemous nonsense. If you delivered it to Camila and claimed it was from Faendal, she'd be sure to spurn his advances." I almost laugh at the simplistic brilliance of it.

However, instead of agreement, I found myself faced with silence. "I do hope that wasn't your final plan."

Confusion. Irritation. "And why not?"

"You seem under the impression she'll take the letter at face value," he says, crossing his arms. "But what if she confronts Faendal about it? Or if he seeks her out?"

This gives me pause, as my mind reels at the possibilities. "He might convince her he didn't write it. And I'd be the obvious suspect."

"Aye. You'd likely come off as rather childish and desperate."

"Driving Camila further into Faendal's arms." I sigh, my good mood deflating. "God's what a fool I am. What am I supposed to do?"

"Do you love her?"

Do I love her? What an asinine question. But before I fire off a witty retort, I realize his question is one I had never truly considered before. Camila was a beautiful woman, to be sure. But had I ever regarded her as... more? Someone to spend the rest of my life with, rather than a night or two of passion?

The answer came more quickly than I would have imagine. "Yes. I do."

Talao's face breaks out into a broad smile. "Then what are you waiting for? Go tell her so. As only a bard can."

As only a bard can? "Well, I had been composing a ballad for her..."

"Rubbish. Toss it."

"Pardon? You just said..."

Still the grin doesn't leave his face. "Composing is far too cerebral for a declaration of love. Save it for an anniversary or a wedding. Find your lass, and spill your heart to her. Let your emotions flow like a stream, and the sincerity will do far more than any mere couplet."

It all seems... Too simple. I want to protest, to tell him of every barrier that stands between us, but he interrupts me once more; "No, no protestations, no excuses. Whatever you may think is holding you back, it's nothing that will dissuade her if she truly returns your feelings."

Somehow, his words inspire me with the confidence I had been lacking. "If this works, you can have whatever it is that you had planned to ask me for earlier." I've never wanted to be in someone's debt more than this minute.

Chapter 4 - Hadvar II: Before The Storm x Chapter 6 - Ralof II: Before The Storm

[dark-titi]

Day 0: I found this odd puzzle on my bookshelf. All the easiest parts had already been put together, it took me little time to reassemble it, only the sky remained unfinished.

Day 1: Today I didn't made much progress on the puzzle, but it was raining outside so I blame the light.

Day 2: It's way harder than I expected, I sorted the pieces by color but very few seem to match. I wonder if that's some kind of prank.

Day 3: I'm starting to understand why the puzzle was dusting in a corner never to be touched again. This thing is way too hard, but I have my pride at stake.

Day 4: I'm starting to lose my mind. I've lost count of how many hours I've spent on this. I found myself rushing my meal to get back to it.

Day 5: Couldn't sleep last night. Every time I close my eyes I see puzzle shapes, It keeps me awake.

Day 6-7: days pass, I barely it but I'm not hungry, I've started to eat the tin can in my basement. I don't cook it, I don't have that time.

Day 8: I feel like something is wrong, I manage to put some pieces but whenever I take a step back it seems like I made no progress.

Day 9: I started to see patterns in the pieces, some sort of low, I'm not sure yet but I believe there this puzzle is 'deeper' than it seems.

Day 10: I'm sure of it now, I counted all the pieces and there is too many, but there all different and yet seems to belong to this puzzle.

Day 11: I've seen it! I've seen it! On one of the edges, the space was curving! There is more surface hiding somewhere.

Day 15: I've nothing left to eat, it doesn't matter anymore, I feel like time stopped somehow. I've been doing my calculation for quite some time now, but strangely I've not been disturbed for ages now.

Day 23: I've done it, I managed to estimate the 'depth' of this puzzle. According to my calculation its dimension it's surface is close to 1.65. From the outside, it seems normal but it is in fact some sort of fractal.

Day 27: I started to feel the gap between dimensions bit by bit. It takes me a lot to keep focus but I enjoy it. I feel like I'm going to finish it.

Day 56: No…. there is no end to this. At first, I though I could finish but I have a strange feeling that there is an infinite amount of pieces yet to be placed. Every time I put one two more take the place.

Day 67: I had to be sure so I recorded it. I couldn't believe it but pieces seems to have their 'own dimention' but are still bound together. If I pull one, another piece can pop out of its dimension somewhere else.

Day 145: I just noticed that it's blanc outside. Not snow nor day, just blanc like an endless cloud. It matters little, the light is fine that way.

Day 343: I don't know how I'm able to count days since there is no days anymore. I've started to hear some voices coming from the puzzle. It says to not worry because I'm close to the end.

Day 870: I'm not sure I'm alive anymore. Well in a way I am but I feel like my inner time has stopped. Of course, I noticed it long ago, I keep feeling my heartbeat but each pulse is identical to the previous, like a clock.

Day 1456: I got good at thinking in multi-dimension. I understand it, the way it flows. I started seeing new ones everywhere. At first, I thought they were barely visible but I just didn't knew how to look properly.

Day 24650: I see things in that puzzle. Sometimes it's me, really me. It's like watching your limbs and there is your face on it. I want to touch it…

Day 90001283: I see time. And I see the puzzle. Not as a surface or a volume. More like an endless shape, snapping from one dimension to another, somewhere stacking on itself, and the moment after it's larger than the universe. What a fool of me to think I would ever be able to complete it. Might be easier to tie every atom of the universe in an endless rope.

Day ?: Time doesn't make sense anymore. I think I'm way after the end of it. I can't tell. There is no more light, no more space, only me and the puzzle. And the eternity to finish it.

Day &+%: somehow I feel close to the end. How? There is no dark anymore, I'm seeing myself. From everywhere, every angle, every second, every choice. I think everything is getting closer to me.

Day: There is no more time. My thoughts are in the past present and future at the same time. This is the end. I keep telling myself to not worry. That I'm close to the end. Eventually, the universe will let me go and I may finally fade away….

Day -1: I'm not one anymore. We are many, scattered across space like stars, bound together. I cease to exist but We will carry on. We sense it. Time is flowing again, we sense it, in an unexpected direction but it matter not, we will be part of it, this is certain.

Day 0: Some of us felt something, like a little displacement in our dimension. Light, again, suddenly! Something is staring at us, we feel it even though we can't describe it. Names matter not, they never have. The thing is trying to put us back together but we don't want to! We're not afraid, it's been a long time since we're able to move through dimensions. Some of us will get caught eventually, but it's barely our edge. None can understand how we are, and no one will, we'll make sure of that…

[sailorplanet1997]

okay watching this deleted version from the 3rd movie made me think about stuff

someone on YouTube mentioned something about Lizzy's dad capturing a fairy, i know this is Lizzy's dad when he was her age and that person could be right what it have in mind

he's all into butterflies these days he wants to pins them up in display cases but once he saw a fairy, maybe he wanted to show it to everybody for prove he have captured the real fairy, he may have some sort of flashbacks when he saw Tinkerbell who bursted out of anger, you can see it on his face he was really scared before he was about to capture Tinkerbell, seeing that scene now makes me think of this deleted scene he finally wanted to proof everybody he has saw a real fairy it makes sense in a way why he wanted what's best for Lizzy but he shouldn't be so insensitive and uncaring, i mean he didn't listened to Lizzy the whole movie untill at near the end of the movie

i think the fairy have died in a fire in this deleted scene, it looked like the minister of summer to me, no wonder the rules were created after that for that reason, saying 1 negative thing towards a fairy and the light will slowly go out and dying out of disbelief (i've saw both Peter Pan movies so i know how it goes)

i understand Lizzy's dad got fooled by his family saying fairies aren't real but still, he should've listened to Lizzy and not telling Lizzy fairies aren't real like his family have taught him, SHE'S 9 FOR SAYING OUT LOUD, LET HER HAVE HER FANTASY AND BE A CHILD!

coming to that conclussion: i now understand a lot better why Vidia warned Tinkerbell about visiting the humans house and why she followed after Tinkerbell to make sure she stayed out from troubles, but also brave enough to risk her own life to rescue Tinkerbell so she took her place and got captured instead Vidia may have acted she didn't care about things but that could be because of her insecurities or anxious and her ways of coping with things, it's a fact she's older than Tinkerbell (i don't know how much older though) my thought on her is...she either heard the history how the fairy died out of disbelief or she saw it happening in a distance, i don't know why but something tells me it's either one of these 2 things

the younger me thought she didn't had any heart untill i've saw the 3rd movie, i never thought too deep about this but now looking closer to this by rewatching the movie, it makes me think things about her (the good ones) what if she didn't wanted Tinkerbell to end up like it did to the fairy in this scene? i mean she was the only one who was THIS upset Tinkerbell got kidnapped by Lizzy this whole movie thinking Lizzy was a monster, she simply just didn't wanted Tinkerbell to end up like the humans did to a fairy in this scene and get killed from the humans by the look on Vidia's face she had been crying when the fairies were near the humans house and blamed herself for what happened to Tinkerbell (i disagree but i know where this is coming from) she eventually confessing it to others she got a little involved in all this, i could tell by the look of it she sincerely felt sorry for what happened to Tinkerbell and about how it puts others in danger she actually wants to make it up to Tinkerbell somehow if she managed to save her (in which she did and exactly on time too)

i love this soft side of Vidia in this movie, i could tell she does care for Tinkerbell on the inside, the last thing you (or rather you don't) want is if fairies get killed by the humans like it did to this fairy when Lizzy's dad was younger so Vidia did the right thing rescuing Tinkerbell otherwise she wouldn't be alive in the 1st place (she completely put her rivalry and everything else with Tinkerbell aside, NOT just during the event but also after the event) i love her redemption and one of the best (i only speak for myself but most of the Tinkerbell fans seems to think the same way about Vidia)

seeing butterflies pinned up in display cases with Tinkerbell being the next target is all the more reasons she risked everything to save Tinkerbell based on how scared she was about those poor butterflies

she did the right thing for not letting bad things to happen to Tinkerbell like it did to the other fairy and things ended well in the end but can you imagine if other fairies get killed by the humans like it did to the fairy in this scene? (Vidia was nearly killed but more like for doing the right thing for someone)

[thisismycorneroftheinternet]

Fucking how tf am I supposed to not feel like shit and always anxious if shit never fucking improves?? I am not that fucking self-deluded to fool myself into thinking this is still a good situation somehow. Yeah sure, there's always deeper in the hole, thank fuck I am not literally digging through the trash for bones to get some protein in my meals like the poor in this city that got featured in that grotesque, horror circus-style magazine story I remember reading about in the pandemic, but that sort of thought does not make life any easier when you're still having to rely on free food that takes you a total of 2h to get, per meal, and now donations from your sister's fiancee to get by the month.

And then yet I have to deal with my sister fucking throwing a hissy fit at any time I fucking complain about (1) thing, but also debase any fucking medical help I'm trying to get because apparently according to her, I'm not that bad off and should suck it the fuck up and "learn to manage (my) own stress better" while being completely unhelpful on that front besides telling me to meditate, which doesn't fucking solve shit??? And then she also gets mad when I have to whine and cry to our mother to not let her try to cut off our little assistance, because apparently that's begging and I should not be begging I should be demanding, when our parents are literally sinking into debt more and more and our mother can barely afford to pay the taxes for her freelance job??

Like, I'm going to fucking walk in on Tuesday to the health clinic, and update them on my deteriorating mental health, and it's going to fucking be the same fucking old adage of "you should exercise for your anxiety, you should learn to organize yourself better, you should manage your ADHD without meds, you should stress less" which is so fucking unhelpful as well. Platitudes like that I already get from the fucking web as well, Instagram loves to fucking show me WellnessTM posts on the greatness of exercise and being thankful for life, why am I fucking taking hours of my day every other month to hear that as well from people I was trying to seek some sort of further help??

And like, in general, I feel like I am going circles, and nothing ever gets better, only worser and worser, and like, I am really grateful for my sister's fiancee's kindness, but like, I've been the entire month trying to not get to this. Yes, because it's humiliating, yes I'm fucking prideful and I feel like I am an able enough adult that I should not need to depend on others' kindness to eat! But also because like, I am able enough to work, I have all sorts of skills, and I am more than fucking willing to do whatever it takes, but no one wants me regardless. And worse, it's pointless to seek a full-on job because university fucking gets in the way of everything, because I fucking switched to day classes because of my family's insistence, because I entered university in night classes originally and that offended them enough that they bothered me about it, and now I'm paying the price.

And then I talk to my one university friend, and she's like "yeah I'm struggling as well" and I try to commiserate with her, because that's what one does, it's like, I realize I'm struggling way more with way less than her. Yes, sure, she had to drop university twice, but also, she's doing 40h a week of classes, and undergrad research, and was sleeping like, 4h a night. No fucking wonder she snapped twice. Meanwhile I can barely get above 14h of credit/hours without flunking something, and even when I pass it's barely scraping by. How come she's being more seriously contemplated for ADHD and anxiety and all than I am?? I guess it's because I have to rely on the free clinic, while she's on her military daddy's insurance plan. God, I don't want to resent her, but I came so close to snapping at her in the group chat when she told me that she's struggling because she can barely sleep, and sure she's seeing stuff like I used to when I slept little, but she "just ignores it and it's fine!" while I used to be terrified I'd get killed by the fucking Balloon Boy from FNAF and shadow demons when I underslept.

God, fucking hell, I swear to fucking god, I am trying so fucking hard to act normal and be normal and not be a fucking mess but even that's hard and worsening my anxiety. And yet I don't get any help that sticks.

[trafficpolicestate]

overreal post I have to embarrassingly bowdlerize and will probably delete but this is the only place I can express any part of this: I was doing so well in terms of being present in my life - not burning my brain out with screens, going outside, not letting every single night turn into a ""quiet night in"" (aka rotting that I convince myself is enjoyable). and then I went on, objectively, a pretty uneventful, short trip that still managed to be one of the best weeks I've had in years. I was surrounded by friends I enjoyed spending time with.

which wouldn't be abnormal except then I get back home and realize that that week felt like such a big shock, such a difference from my normal, because "spending time" has somehow, in the preceding years, slipped into feeling like a chore or duty with (). I'm ashamed I didn't realize it as it happened, I'm ashamed I feel this way at all, I'm ashamed and I feel like shit.

and sure sometimes when you spend so much time with someone it might feel stale and you just need to get over yourself and do more stuff together. I wish that was it but I continue to realize that it's not. I'm realizing so much of the things I consider "our time" are really ways so we don't have to talk. I realize the "let's watch one more" is sometimes so attractive because I don't really want to talk. etc. I hate hate hate how this is going to make me sound but when we do talk jesus a lot of the time it's massively grating. just the conversational style. I typed a lot more here but it feels so hateful and this is a me problem in the end. I think of the things we *do* together and there's vanishingly few that don't fit that category and they're all immediate-outside-focus based, and when we talk "about" something maybe it's more bearable, but only in a functional way

it's tearing - or has torn - me up to think that for longer than I can bear to admit I not only have likely not ()ed () for quite a while but I am kinda thinking I don't even really () them. how the fuck could I do this to them? I care about them (as in, I want them to be happy) and I can't bear the thought of being without them (this is not necessarily in a healthy way), but the thought of being *with* them for years and years and years more fills me with so much dread now. there's smatterings of dread I had over so many long-term things that I thought was from the sheer weight of those things... but now I see it's from the thought of doing those weighty forever things with () I had lingering thoughts of this before but I'd get to the first two points - I care about them and I can't fathom not being with them - and stop. and now I know those two are not everything that goes into () and I was maybe not completely wrong all those years ago when the r*dditor term 'codependent' floated into my head.

it's been two months and I've hoped the entire time that I'd wake up one day and realize I was a total fool. I've gone back and forth from utter despairing certainty to tentative hope, but that hope's been in the form of 'maybe it isn't really that bad and I'll learn to like it" and that just makes everything worse. I have put as much effort and care and time into pulling off this move and "doing things" in general because I can't risk even the slightest chance that I'm making this a self-fulfilling prophecy. but throughout the same thought has come to me: what of mine can fit in the first six plastic bins I'll take back to () when I go? what goes in the next six?

I hate myself for letting this happen to () and I literally cannot think about what it'd to do to them if I left but the thought keeps coming back. I think I need to leave and I also think I don't have the strength to do it, I don't have the strength to do that to *them*