#and i somehow just kept typing and it didnt stop

[eunseok1sser]

cuddles - nicolandria

✮ nic x olandria, 1.1k wc

✮ warnings: light smut, slight fluff, sub!nic if you squint

a/n: i can't stop thinking of how nic described his cuddle sesh with olandria T_T hes sooo down bad and im living for it! my crackship finally came to fruition after ive been on the ship since day 1 </3

the darkness of the night encroaches on the villa as the islanders head off to bed. theres been a certain sense of peace and calm recently, and knowing everyone is coupled up with someone brings a specific type of happiness to olandria. she feels content knowing she was able to choose someone that she had been wishing to explore a connection with during her duration in the villa.

everyone was settling into bed, the lights were out and some of the couples were trying to get some shut eye. with the faint light of his phone, nic navigates to his shared bed after successfully peeing inside the toilet this time.

he'd be lying if he said he wasn't excited to be in a couple with olandria again, and now he gets to actually sleep next to her? with (supposedly) no road blocks in the way?

the one shred of doubt in nics mind came from his uncertainty about whether olandria actually liked him romantically, or if this was going to be another platonic situation. seeing as he barely recovered from her rejection in the past, he really hoped it wouldn't be the latter. the man was determined to take it as slow as necessary if it meant olandria would open up to him in the end.

as he got situated under the sheets, he saw olandria shuffling her legs under the blanket a bit, awake and still unaccustomed to cuddling in the villa. he found it cute at first, but a pang of sadness hit him as he realized why she hadn't cuddled with anyone thus far.

scooching a bit closer he leaned into olandrias ear and whispered “are you awake?” obviously knowing the answer but just wanting to tease her. she responded by flicking her foot towards him and a footsies match ensued as they tried their best to not wake the other islanders.

their playfighting was interuptted by the sounds of smooches fairly close by. the direction and volume of the noise alluded that chris and huda were getting...freaky, and they didnt want be awake to hear it.

nic eventually settled down, attempting to sleep when he felt heat and an ever-so-slight pressure on the front half-of his body. he felt the warmth of olandrias smaller frame in the bed with him and suddenly became hyper-aware of himself and his surroundings. nic froze, not wanting to overstep but also desiring to be close to the woman in front of him.

the man tried his best to revel in the sensation while it lasted, but olandria was the one in control here. she always was, and nic knew with every fiber of his being that he wanted to serve her needs. she moved away from him and crooned her neck to face nic, her big brown eyes somehow found his in the darkness and olandria whispered “can you cuddle me? please?”

something about her voice felt particularly vulnerable and delicate, as if she had been waiting for this semblance of affection all season. now that he had explicit consent to finally hold her close, he didn't plan on letting go.

he frees his arm from the sheets and wraps it around olandrias non-existent waist, finally relishing in her warmth against his body. fire ran through the current of his chest, stopping at his heart and sending prickles of heat all over his body. he felt like he was finally where he was meant to be after all these weeks with the person he truly adores.

before he could bask in the heat, olandria moved back towards nic again, pressing her ass into the perfect crevice nic created with the lower half of his body.

flutters erupted throughout his body, increasingly more aware at the soft, plush globe prodding dangerously close to his dick. heavier breaths began to overtake him. if she kept backing up, nic didn't know what he was going to do.

but then he thought back to olandria. how much he respects and understands her wishes to take things slow, especially after how taylor treated her. he never wanted to do anything she wasn't okay with.

nic lightly squeezed her waist in response to her advances, signaling he was okay with it, but didn't plan on overstepping her boundaries.

olandria responded again by grinding her ass into his already hardening dick, eliciting nics eyes to flutter shut as his jaw hung slack letting out a barely intelligible moan.

“fuck olandria…” his whispers dangerously close to her ear. she pressed back one more time to give nic the greenlight, he didnt have to be told twice.

lifting his leg to go over hers, he very carefully begins to dryhump her round ass like a dog in heat. panting at the delicious pressure against his already hard dick.

rutting against her made all the noise and static nic had been worrying about all day dissipate. he was here in the moment with olandria, chasing after a high he hasn't known since their heated make-out in soul ties.

nic wanted to last for her and show how good he could be, but olandrias body was too much to bear. before she even got fully situated, his peak crashes into him, cumming hard in his pants. his eyes rolled back into his head as he decorated his boxers with his release dedicated to the beautiful woman in front of him, all while softly moaning her name.

“ahn- o-olandria” he rode out his high, rubbing his softening dick in its sticky enclosure against her ass once last time with the wind knocked out of him completely.

nic finally found himself grounded back on earth and got up to freshen himself up in the bathroom and change his boxers. finding his way back to the bed, he leans on the bed, caging in olandria with his arms. her eyes meet his in the darkness and a meaningful glance was exchanged between them, both approving of what just transpired.

nic leaned down and whispered a soft “i really do like you olandria” and olandria responded by propping herself up to place a chaste kiss on his lips. nic grinned and pecked her back, knowing that if he continued they would end up disturbing the rest of the islanders. he crawled back into bed entirely too giddy and held her close as they drifted off to sleep.

he had so much to tell ace tomorrow.

edit: vote nicolandria pls and thanks yall 🙂‍↕️

[ncsdlr]

Misclick (Or: How I Accidentally Called My Ex While Looking for Emotional Closure)

Ex!Billie Eilish x Ex!Reader

A/N: the first section is based on real life😃🔫 the following sections are entirely made up

A/N: also, to the person i was talking to in the first section, I'm sorry for immortalizing this painfully embarrassing moment in our life and turning it into fanfic💀

A/N: also the last section is what I wish we did- what I wish we could have discussed. only SOME of that section is fiction.

A/N: idk if she's seeing this, but if you are, hi, Im over our break up, but the love is still here

Warning: ANGST

---------------

In your defense, you weren’t stalking. You were researching. There’s a difference.

The breakup was still fresh—like, cry-while-brushing-your-teeth fresh. You and Billie hadn’t spoken since the split a couple days ago. Not out of malice, just... mutually assured emotional destruction. You were both going through it. Both pretending not to look at each other’s Instagram stories with your brightness turned all the way down like that made it morally neutral.

And yet, here you were. Two days post-breakup. Alone. Unhinged. Emotionally backed up.

You were doing something extremely healthy and productive—scrolling through your old messages with Billie to find the last time she said she loved you. For closure. Obviously. Not to screenshot it and zoom in on the punctuation like it held some secret code. Definitely not that.

You were wrist-deep in the chat archive—somewhere between “I miss you” and that cursed selfie where you looked like a malnourished Victorian child—when a notification from her friend popped up.

You tried to swipe it away. Really, you tried.

Instead… your thumb slipped. You tapped.

And suddenly, your phone was dialing Billie. Billie. Fucking Billie. The Billie you were actively mourning like a recently deceased houseplant. The Billie you had just been virtually ghost-digging up like you were the gay Indiana Jones of emotional trauma.

The screen rang once. Twice.

Your soul left your body at Mach 5. Your heart physically detached and crawled under the bed.

You panic-slammed the red button like your life depended on it. Which, emotionally speaking, it absolutely did.

Call ended. Damage? Irreversible.

You stared at the screen, breathing like you��d just sprinted through the airport in a romcom, only instead of stopping her from boarding the plane, you just committed social suicide.

In your panicked state, you type down an explanation for the accidental call. It makes you type faster when you see that Billie has your chat open. This is the fastest you've ever typed anything.

You: "Dude im so sorry i didnt mean to wtfff" "Notifications made my phone lad and I clicked your chat the hell"

When chat indicators popped up, you swiped you thumb frantically to exit the chat. For what? You have no idea.

Billie: "its okay lol"

You opened the chat again, continuing your frantic explanation: "Bro😭" "Screaming crying rn tf" "lemme just go omg💀"

Billie: "hahaha you're fine"

And then... somehow, you just kept talking.

No more explanations. No “wtf was that.” No tension. No ice to break. The texts just kept coming—back and forth, casual, like nothing happened. Like you hadn’t just accidentally FaceTimed your ex mid-mental breakdown. Like this wasn’t the first time you’d spoken since the breakup. Like things were fine.

You kept expecting it to stop. For her to say “anyway” and vanish. Or for you to remember your dignity and put your phone down.

But neither of you did.

It wasn’t deep. Nothing emotional. Just… small things. Dumb things. Things that didn’t make sense to say, but somehow did.

And the strangest part? It didn’t feel weird until you realized it should’ve felt weird.

You sat there, blinking at the screen like: “Are we just gonna ignore the fact that I tried to speedrun dying of embarrassment five minutes ago?”

But Billie didn’t mention the call again. You didn’t bring it up either. The silence around it is somehow louder than if you had.

And now you were just… texting her. Casually. Effortlessly. Like muscle memory. Like your thumbs had been waiting for this the whole time since the breakup. Like no time had passed at all.

You kept rereading the last message she sent. Not because it meant anything. But because it existed. Because it happened. And that was somehow enough.

****

It’s not a date. It’s not closure. It’s not even emotional masochism.

It’s just two people deciding—very casually, very “sure why not”—to go out.

You meet Billie at some middle ground neither of you suggest but both somehow agree on. It’s not your place. It’s not hers. The location is symbolic in its neutralness. A coffee shop, a bookstore, maybe a quiet park. Somewhere with enough noise to fill the silence.

She’s already there when you arrive, sitting with her hood up like she’s trying not to be seen, even though you’re pretty sure she wants you to see her first. You sit. You don’t hug. You don’t talk about the call.

It’s not awkward. It’s just… quiet.

You talk about stupid things. Music. A dog walking by in a sweater. Some viral video you both saw. It feels normal in a way that feels fake, but not painful.

You both laugh at something neither of you will remember tomorrow.

And there’s a moment—brief, barely-there—when she says something and looks at you too long. The kind of look that, a few weeks ago, would’ve meant everything. Now it just lingers between you like fog. Present, but untouchable.

There’s nothing romantic about this. Nothing tender. Just two people, trying.

Not exes. Not friends. Not what you were, or what you almost were.

Just people.

The coffee Billie ordered looked like it could kill someone. Triple shot, something with oat milk, and a dangerous amount of cinnamon on top like she's daring her heart to keep up.

“You drink that, you’re gonna astral project,” you say, squinting at it.

She grins over the rim. “Perfect. Maybe I’ll finally leave this hellish plane of existence and become someone’s sleep paralysis demon.”

“You already are.”

“Ouch,” she says, mock-offended. “That’s crazy coming from someone who called me mid-scroll spiral just to breathe into the mic like a haunted voicemail.”

You groan, dramatic and long. “We said we weren’t bringing that up.”

“Correction,” she says, stirring her murder latte. “You said that. I made no such promise.”

You flick a sugar packet at her. She dodges it like a gremlin, proud.

It’s easy. Too easy. You’re both sitting there, bouncing off each other like nothing’s weird. Like the weight of your history isn’t pressed between the two coffee cups, trying to stay relevant.

“Remember when you said I looked like a ‘very fashionable Muppet’ that one time?”

She snorts. “You did. That fuzzy green sweater? Be fr. Miss Piggy would’ve worn it to the Met Gala.”

“It was chartreuse!”

“Chartreuse is not a personality.”

“Okay, says the girl who once wore leather pants to a picnic.”

“You mean the leather pants?” she asks, looking entirely too proud of herself. “The ones that made your friend text you, ��damn I didn’t know Billie was packing like that’?”

Your soul tries to exit your body again.

“God, why do you still remember that?”

“Because it haunts me. And because I live for your humiliation.”

She’s leaning back now, one leg hooked under her on the bench, sipping her drink like this is the most natural thing in the world. And maybe it is. Maybe it always was.

You stretch out your legs and sigh like someone twice your age. “This is weird.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You mean... this?”

You wave vaguely between the two of you. “This. Us. Not being anything. But also not being not-anything. Just... people.”

Billie considers that. Then shrugs.

“Yeah,” she says. “But like... funny people.”

You squint at her, unimpressed. “You think you’re funny?”

She pauses mid-sip like she’s been personally insulted. “Babe. I’m hilarious.”

You snort. “You are so not.”

“Excuse me?” she gasps, clutching her chest like you just called her untalented and unvaccinated. “Are you forgetting the time I made your cousin laugh so hard she snorted rice out of her nose?”

“She was laughing at me, actually. Because you tried to do a British accent and somehow ended up sounding like a French minion.”

“Okay wow,” she says, shaking her head. “Fake news. I was doing Shakespearean Cockney. It was a bit.”

“You sounded like a Victorian chimney sweep possessed by Lumière.”

She sets her cup down, tilts her head, and grins in that way she used to when she was plotting something. “You’re just mad because you know I’m funnier than you.”

You scoff. "You wish,” you fire back.

“You laugh at everything I say.”

“Because I’m nice and polite.”

She leans forward, eyes glittering. “You laugh like you’re trying to impress me.”

You open your mouth to respond—and realize you don’t have one. Not a real one, anyway. Not one that doesn’t give something away.

She sees it. Of course she does. And she smirks.

“See?” she says softly, smug. “Told you.”

You look away, pretending to be exasperated, and roll your eyes. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

You bite your lip to keep from smiling because she's right. “Shut up.”

She just shrugs, takes another sip of her drink, and says nothing else.

But her grin stays, stifling what could turn into a full-blown laugh. And so does yours.

****

You’re walking side by side down the street now, Billie’s iced coffee long gone and your stomach sore from laughing at nothing. It feels almost stupid how natural it is, like your body forgot you’re not supposed to move in rhythm with hers anymore.

At one point, she bumps your shoulder with hers and says, “I’m still funnier than you.”

You scoff. “Delusional.”

“Charming and funny,” she says, with a mock-bow. “A full package.”

“Oh my god.”

“You didn’t seem to think that when you were—”

You whip your head toward her so fast she actually flinches from the wind. “Nope. No, ma’am. Do not finish that sentence.”

Her grin is wicked. “Why not? I was just going to say crying at my stand-up set. Obviously.”

You narrow your eyes. “That’s not where you were going and you know it.”

She shrugs. “I’m just saying. You were very… vocal with your compliments.”

“I will literally throw myself into oncoming traffic.”

“You’re blushing.”

“I’m ashamed.”

She laughs—loud, head back, real. And god. You forgot how much you missed that sound. How safe it made everything feel.

You don’t say anything. She doesn’t either. But something shifts in the silence that follows. Neither of you name it.

****

You’re on Billie’s couch, legs tucked under yourself, a half-eaten bag of chips between you. She’s scrolling through some streaming app like it’s a life-or-death decision.

“This one has a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes,” she says.

“It also looks like it was made for sad white men who write film essays on Tumblr.”

She clicks it anyway.

It’s not a good movie. It's barely even a movie. It’s one of those indie slow-burns where nothing really happens, but everything’s a metaphor for loneliness. Of course it’s the one you’re watching.

About thirty minutes in, your knees are touching. Then your shoulder. Then Billie shifts just enough that your thighs are lined up. She doesn’t move away.

Neither do you.

You don’t look at her. You don’t say anything.

But a few minutes later, her hand is resting against your calf—soft, light, like she forgot it was there.

And then, slowly, her fingers find your hair. She starts playing with it absently. Familiar. Absent-minded. Like this is just what you do.

Your breath catches, just slightly. Not enough for her to notice. You don’t move.

She keeps twirling a strand.

You don’t look at each other. The movie plays on, pretending you aren’t unraveling.

She shifts slightly, but her hand stays on you.

“You used to say I was too blunt,” she murmurs.

“You were.”

“You said I made you feel small, sometimes.”

You pause. “You did.”

There’s a quiet beat. Not defensive. Just still.

“You’d call me dramatic whenever I brought something up. Or overthinking. Or too sensitive.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” you say. And you do. But that doesn’t erase the sting. “But you still said it.”

She nods, almost to herself. “You always wanted to talk about things. Everything had layers with you.”

You look at her then. “Everything has layers. You just didn’t like looking at them.”

Billie goes quiet. Her fingers still, just for a moment, in your hair.

“I didn’t get it,” she admits. “Half the stuff you brought up—gender, labels, politics… it just felt like too much. Like everything had to be a cause.”

You smile. It's not unkind. But it isn't soft either. “It was too much—for you.”

She meets your eyes then, and there’s something like apology in her face. But not regret. Not quite.

“I felt like I had to shrink to be next to you,” you continue. “Like I had to sand down the sharp parts so I didn’t set you off. I was always editing myself.”

Billie doesn’t argue. She doesn’t explain.

She just says, “I know.”

And that somehow hurts more.

You still love her. Deeply. Undeniably. But you love yourself now too. And you know exactly which love you're not willing to compromise again.

You don’t know why you’re still talking. Maybe because it’s finally quiet enough to. Maybe because your body still remembers how to confess things in her presence.

You shift on the couch, turning toward her just slightly—just enough to see her face without really looking at it.

“I knew,” you say quietly. “Back then. I knew you didn’t really get it. Any of it.”

Billie doesn’t argue. She just watches you.

“You didn’t try to understand things that mattered to me. Or when you did, it was only after I broke down trying to explain why it mattered in the first place.”

You laugh a little, but it’s brittle. “And I still stayed.”

She looks down.

“I stayed because I loved you enough to overlook it. Or I thought I did. I thought that if I just loved you harder, louder, more patiently, eventually it’d be enough to… I don’t know. Make the other stuff not matter.”

You feel the words coming before you say them. The shape of them. The weight.

“Because I love—” Your voice catches. Just for a second. Just long enough to break.

You clear your throat, and correct yourself mid-sentence, too quickly.

“Because I loved you. Enough to ignore the parts of myself that didn’t sit right next to you.”

There it is again. That reflex. That instinct to swallow yourself whole before anyone else can do it for you.

Billie hears it. Of course she does. But she says nothing.

And somehow, the silence confirms everything.

You didn’t stop loving her. You just started loving yourself more. Or maybe for the first time at all.

Billie’s still looking at you. Or maybe through you. Like she’s watching something that already happened.

“You know what’s messed up?” she says after a moment. “I didn’t even get it at the time. Like—I knew you were hurting. I could see it. But I thought it was just... you being sensitive. You always felt things so deeply, and I thought I was allowed to stay the same and let you carry all the weight.”

You don’t respond. You don’t need to.

“I kept thinking I’d grow into it,” she continues. “Into being what you needed. That one day I’d just… wake up and suddenly know how to hold space for things I didn’t understand.”

You swallow.

“But I didn’t,” she says. “I couldn’t. I was too wrapped up in already knowing who I was and what I'm worth. And you were still only getting there. And I hated that I couldn’t meet you there. That I couldn’t give you the version of me you deserved. That I couldn't bend myself like you were bending yourself for me.”

Her voice is steady. Matter-of-fact. But you can hear the ache in the way she chooses her words.

“And by the time I realized how much I’d let slip through my hands,” she says, softer now, “you’d already started holding on to yourself instead.”

Your chest tightens.

And in that moment, everything in her expression says what she won’t say out loud:

That if she'd met you later, maybe she would’ve been ready. That if the timing had been different, maybe it would’ve worked. That maybe it wasn’t about not loving you enough. It was about not knowing how to love you right.

You want to scream. Or cry. Or laugh.

Instead, you nod.

Slow. Small. Knowing.

“I wanted you to see things from my eyes,” you say quietly. “But I let you not do that because you seemed so sure of your mind and your thoughts. And I didn't want to make you question things the way I do.”

Billie doesn’t flinch.

She just looks at you like she’s finally seeing what she missed. And this time, she doesn’t reach for your hand. She just lets you hold your own.

The silence stretches so long it stops feeling awkward and just becomes part of the furniture. Like grief, or old air.

Her hand is still in your hair. Yours is curled into the blanket, nails digging in like it might hold you together.

And then Billie says, voice low but clear:

“I loved you more when you stopped needing me.”

You don’t react at first. Because what the fuck is that even supposed to mean.

But then you get it. You know exactly what she means.

She loved the version of you who didn’t beg for her to show up. Who stopped asking for softness. Who learned to be their own safe place because she couldn’t be one.

She loved you more when it didn’t cost her anything.

And maybe that hurts her, too.

You stare straight ahead, eyes fixed on nothing.

Then, just as calmly, you say:

“And I loved you most when I realized the break-up felt like freedom."

She flinches. Not big. But enough. Enough for you to feel it.

And neither of you says another word after that.

You sit there—two people who once loved each other in all the wrong ways at all the wrong times—quiet, breathing, broken in a way that finally makes sense.

No one leaves. No one moves.

And somehow, that’s the ending.

---------------------- y'all tears were shed writing this. Also, I'm so sorry for the way I wrote billies beliefs. I know that's not how she is in real life at all, i just did it for the story to work out the way i wanted and to relate it to what happened to me and what I went through😔

[elainsgirl]

I started reading ACOTAR in December last year so I’m very new. I noticed quite a few signs of elriel while reading the series but stupidly, I was waiting for Gwyn’s introduction because I saw so many people shipping her with Azriel and saying they’re endgame. I thought that at some point somehow elriel will end up like moriel where it doesn’t pan out and Gwyn becomes the main girl for Azriel. Thus I tried to not become invested in any of Elain and Azriel’s moments for fear of my heart breaking because they don’t work out. But that was hard as I really enjoyed anything that involved both of them. I especially loved Feyre shipping them because I internally wholeheartedly agreed with her lmao.

I also lost interest in elucien real fast as there was absolutely nothing there lol. Besides Elain’s obvious disinterest in him, I also believe even Lucien isn’t that crazy about Elain. I feel like he feels obligated to take interest in her because of the mating bond and that’s it. He’s not interested in Elain, he’s interested in a mate.

Fast forward to ACOSF (looooong after ACOMAF where already I felt like I sensed something between them after their first meeting, eg. Elain wearing a cobalt blue dress like Azriel’s siphons when they met, her looking to him to see if the dinner discussion is going well, enjoying chatting with him during the dinner despite being scared of fae and getting him to open up a bit more, SJM focusing separately on Feysand, Nessian, and Elriel respectively during the dinner scene. I could go on) and I was wondering how SJM is going to build up gwynriel in (1) book into something worth being invested in and have me letting go of (3) books of elriel build up.

Meanwhile Gwyn only gets introduced a ways into the book and Azriel barely has any notable interactions with her that indicate a future romance. Afterwards, I remember being like “why on earth is this fandom so sure they are/will be canon?” I got a hold of the BC and it literally just confirmed the obvious. Elriel is the next couple.

Imagine my shock when I see all the gwynriel blogs lecturing elriels on this and that (with the most ridiculous misinformation I’ve ever seen) and how elriels are delusional, etc.

It just bothers me that they essentially trick (whether knowingly or unknowingly) new readers into believing gwynriel is endgame, and then the new ones don’t always realize it’s nonsense so the fandom just keeps being flooded with new gwynriel shippers. While I support it as a crack ship, I’m entirely against someone trying to tell me they will be canon. Especially when these people are usually anti IC and Elain haters. I’m not taking them seriously.

Anyway my gut was always telling me I shouldn’t ignore elriel. I went back and reread every single mention/foreshadowing of elriel in the books and allowed myself to just absolutely fall in love with them. And I don’t regret it one bit

Hey anon 🫶

I read the acotar series before acosf came out and it was so obvious just by that series alone, Nessian and elriel were going to be a thing - so I went into acosf unsuprised when elriel started having an attraction towards each other and we got more of their buildup for their story. Gwynriel didnt even occur to me? I liked Gwyn but there was 0 memories interactions she had with Az that made me stop and think “ooh there is something there” I finished acosf and left the book thinking elriel was next. Got onto tiktok and kept seeing gwynriel everywhere in the comments of acotar videos so at first - I thought they were some type of inside joke or acota4 cult…I was shocked to find out people were shipping Gwyn and Az. Nothing in acosf ever alluded to them and I didnt believe an author like Mass would introduce Azriels LI so late into the series, that too a spinoff. I kept seeing gwynriels mention the Azriel bonus which I had 0 idea existed/ out of pure pettiness I didnt read the bonus. My stance was, I shouldn’t need a bonus to understand gwynriel or need it to know they’re the next couple. I should have gotten that from acosf alone and let me tell you - so many Gwynriels struggled with justifying their ship and proving its endgame when they can’t use the bonus which tells you enough.

Elriel was just naturally developed. Everything about them is complimentary and they just make sense together/ I loved Feyre for clocking onto elriel straight away and I loved reading every single one of their scenes and how much significance Mass places around it. It’s like she just can’t help herself from writing about elriel poetically, lmfao. Yet when Elucien were revealed to be mates, I was taken back but intrigued and already digging the idea of them. The roguish male paired w the polite lady? Sign me up for that dynamic any day yet when it came to actually reading about them / they felt so stale and awkward. Like mixing two different people together and its just not working. Every elucien scene was hard to read yet every elriel scene was flawless. They just matched each other and reading about them together just made sense. I wS so happy when Feyre questioned why elriel weren’t mates bcs it meant Sjm was planning on doing something w that storyline which kept me even more engaged w elriel. Come to acosf - and all thats changed is elrield attraction is confirmed and Az is basically spending the whole book pining after Elain. At no point does Mass break elriel apart.

Gwynriels know there is nothing romantic or even significant about any Gwyn x Az scenes hence why they have to downplay every elriel scene (which they use for their HCs/fics) and exaggerate what little Gwyn and Az scenes there are. Most of their ship is 55% talking badly about elriel to any poor sucker who would listen, 12% fanfics and HCs which is basically copy past of canon elriel scenes, 5% theories that are basically elriel theories that they’ve copied and 28% of gwynriel fanarts to entice people on Gwynriel.

It’s hilarious how they call Elriels delusional meanwhile they’re thinking Sjm would have Az ready to beg on his knees for Elain then get w Gwyn. Thank God thats not her type of love stories. It cracks me up at how disappointed newcomers who have heard about gwynriel are when they realise what little scenes gwyn and az have especially compared to elriel scenes. I think most jumped onto the bandwagon of gwynriel bcs they hated Elain and this way, their precious Az can be with someone they deem “better” then meek, boring Elain.

There is a reason Sjm had Feyre question why elriel aren’t mates. Had Az know what was amiss w elain instead of her mate who stood there uselessly. A reason why she had Elain call Azriels scars beautiful and had Elain be the first to hold TT aside from Az. A reason why Az went to risk his life for Elain whilst her mate was gallivanting trying to help another woman, I can go on but you get the gist. These moments weren’t used as filler scenes. They’re important to Az and Elain as characters separately and together as a couple. No author would spend that many books & important scenes to build a couple only to have them breakup and end w others.

I also dont regret falling in love with elriel 🌸🦇

[iznyangwoni]

EASY TO LOVE | chapter eighteen !

You dont know what’s gotten to you. The first thing you wanted to do when Jungwon said those words was to slap him, then you wanted to kiss him, but you instead decided to shake your head and not believe him.

He doesn’t like you, he can’t like you. You ruined his best friend’s life, kept so many secrets from him, used him like some sort of toy to play with just because he was the new guy. You suck, you’re a bad person, he can’t and won’t ever like you.

At least that’s what you keep repeating to yourself, now hiding in the backseat of your car and crying like a baby. Your hands are so dirty because of your makeup, you dont even want to think how much of a mess your face looks like.

Someone knocks on the window and your tears seem to fall with more force when you see Moka and Wonyoung with a huge box of french fries in their hands. You let them in your car, but with all the hiccups and cries getting out of your mouth it’s not really that easy for you to speak.

“Okay, okay. Y/n. It’s not the first time a guy said something like that to you, why are you acting like this now?” The truth is pretty simple actually. You didn’t care about those guys, but you do care about Jungwon. “Yeah! You should be happy he likes you back!” Wonyoung gently slaps Moka’s arm at ther words, that only make you cry even harder.

“I don’t know,” You start, pushing the tears away from your face. You take a deep breath, your head hurts like crazy, like it always does when you cry. “I dont know how to make it up to him, i dont want him to be mad at me but i can’t just the tell him the truth or-“ Wonyoung sighs and, before you can finish your sentence, she puts a couple of french fries in your mouth.

“Don’t you dare say what i think you were going to say.” You sniff up with your nose, and you start eating calmly. Moka’s hands are on your hair, braiding them and playing with them, she knows how much it soothes you, so, slowly, you manage to calm down. Every once in a while a couple of tears fall down but you’re no longer praying for some air.

“Y/n, no matter what your father said to you, what happened last year is not your fault.” Wonyoung says, somehow she always knows the right things to say, she’s so much more mature than you are, you’re glad to have these two as your friends. “Besides, if you want things with Jungwon to work out, i feel like you should tell him.”

“It wouldn’t work out anyway.” you dont mind what Moka suggested, but there’s so many things that could go wrong between you and Jungwon, your secret is not the only thing keeping you apart. “First of all, i ruined his best friend’s life-“ “He wouldn’t be friends with her if he knew what happened.” Wonyoung stops you, and as smart as that sounds, you dont think Jungwon would go that far for you.

“But there’s still that thing about my father and his mother owning rival companies.” That’s what scares you the most, your father is not a comprehensive one, nor has he ever been a good person either, who knows how he would react to you dating his rival’s son. Or to you dating in general. “You’re an adult, Y/n. Date who you want, you can’t be on your father’s shadow all your life.”

You nod at their words, it should be obvious, but its not that easy for you, still, you are an adult, so maybe you could get over it. “But what if Jungwon doesn’t believe me?” “Oh. My. God.” Moka lets go of your hair and cups your face instead, you still have a fry in your mouth but she doesnt seem to care.

“Y/n. I’m gonna be dead serious when i say this; I’ve never seen a man look at you the way Jungwon does, its like he holds all the love you didnt get in these twenty years of your life in his eyes i swear to god its disgusting and so fucking cute at the same time, open your damn eyes!” Moka has to catch her breath when she finishes.

The car becomes silent suddenly, Moka isn’t usually the type to say these kind of things, which takes both you and Wonyoung by surprise. What startles you even more is the way people see you and Jungwon from the outside. You have to look up to not cry again, your lips pouted and trembling. “Fuck, i need to talk to him.” “Yes you do.” They both say.

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[iouinotes]

match made in heaven | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

show: My life with the Walter boys

warnings: just kissing word count: 2,2k

summary: At your birthday party you get dared to spend 7 minutes in heaven with none other than your best friend Alex.

a/n: A modified review of "Beautiful boy" Thank you @rogueanschel-reads for the woderful idea!

"Come on, even a stranger can sense your attraction for each other, the hidden love that lays beneath your friendship."

Maybe it wasnt the best idea to play truth or dare.

Well, firstly I want to say that I love my friendgroup. Grace, Skylar, his boyfriend Nathan, Kiley and of course, my best friend Alex.

Really, I love these guys. But sometimes they make me want to jump off a cliff, no regretting or turning back.

In moments like this, where I want to spent a good time partying with my friends, because its my 16th birthday, they need to remind me of the he-who-must-not-be-named-topic. That means for outstanders, my non-existent, strictly friendly feelings for my best friend Alex.

The guy, who has absolutely no idea, he's being compared to Voldemort. But for the matter of fact, Harry Potter are my all-time favorite movies and early Voldemort was actually quiet handsome. So, it kinda makes sense. Why? Because Alex has put a spell on me with his smile and his pretty face.

But back to my party.

We are currently in the living room, our knees are touching the legs of the person next to us and someone (Grace) encouraged us to smuggle a few bottles of alcohol to the party, even though we didnt plan to drink.

Now, Skylar had the great idea to embarrass everyone by playing truth or dare, but with a twist. He likes to call it "match made in heaven" or what it actually means, making out in a closet. Something like that, I've never participated in any of these games.

Until now.

As I am the birthday girl, I started the game by choosing truth. But I could really have just voluntarily confessed my feelings for Alex. Because Grace winked at me and I knew at that moment, that the next few minutes meant trouble.

"So, y/n. Describe us your magical boy, that you dream of being able to call your own." I knew it. She could have just asked me what college I wanted to attend or something less embarrassing, but no. She needed to ask me about my type in boys, which obviously is my handsome, brown haired best friend next to me.

As I'm about to hide my head in my hands, I hear the encouraging shouts of the people I call my friends.

"Okay, okay. Let me think for a moment." I couldnt make it that obvious, I liked him. But still, it was worth a try.

"Someone who has an angelic smile, where you just stare at his face and can´t stop looking at him. I-I like brown hair and I dont know, what it is, but hazel eyes, they somehow make my heart beat faster. I mean- he´s attractive, because he is a gentleman. Caring and supportive, someone who listens to my wants and needs, but still continues to be his true self. I can read books with him or we watch movies together and talk about it after. He makes me feel seen, safe. I love him, because he is everything I could ever dream of and more."

When I finish speaking, Grace grins innocent and looks at me with her long eyelashes. "I wonder, who that could be."

My eyes secretly dart to Alex, trying to figure out, if he knows, that I am very obviously describing him. But he just watches the floor, his eyebrows are drawn together and I almost think, he looks annoyed.

"Someone is jealous" I hear Skylar´s voice in my ear.

As the game went on, his behavior kept being slightly off, even though he never said anything about it and continued to smile at me, when we looked at each other.

And then, Alex was asked about his favorite memory, whether it was about being in school, with family or with friends.

Well, he told them about the first time, he introduced me to his favorite book saga, the Lord of the Rings. I never knew, that day was so special for him, but as he described my hilarious reactions and facial features, how he saw my eyes widen with disbelief as he read out the first chapters, I remembered.

When I look back, it really was a wonderful night. We did a sleepover at his house and were talking about watching Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings. Somehow, we also talked about the books and that I read the seven books about the famous wizard and he the books about the elves and other creatures (don´t judge me for this description). We discussed almost every aspect, but he still convinced me to give his favorite books a try. So we spent the night spread out on his bed, eating sweets and reading the first book. Well, he mostly read it out loud to me, because his pronunciation was definitely much better than mine. It was fun, also because I got to watch him being in his element, so it really was a heartwarming evening.

I smile at the memory, a warm feeling blooms in my chest and when he finishes talking about it, he looks at me fondly. I had to keep myself from wanting to giggle like a little girl, but my inner 13-year old, most definitely did giggle.

Back to the original topic. Next, Grace was dared to wear one of my clothes, Kiley told us about her celebrity crush (Timothee Chalamet, but you didnt hear it from me) and when Alex was asked who he would trust with his secret, if he was spiderman, he mentioned me again. It was sweet and I had planned to tell him, that I would love to be the girl in the chair.

But, as the game went on, my name constantly fell from his lips. He was dared to show one of the most terrible photos of him and revealed to the group, a snapshot from us, wearing unrecognizable Halloween costumes. Funny, but my idea to go as ghosts wasnt that bad.

Nevertheless, he talked about the best gift he had ever received, a pair of cowboy boots, I got him two years ago (Nathan was playfully annoyed that one of his presents werent the best one) and as the game continued, the question, that I tried my best to avoid, was eventually asked.

"You two are always around each other and I've barely seen you apart, like ever. Are you sure, there is nothing going on between you? It seems like it."

Alex and I looked at each other, but then quickly laughed it off. It was what we always did, when someone asked us about our close friendship. None of us really answered and that meant for me, that he neither confirmed or declined having feelings for me. Very confusing and bad for my hoping heart.

So, when our friends are looking at each other now, grinning like they planned something really wicked, I know, that my personal hell is waiting for me. Or in my situation, a modified version of heaven.

"Y/n, I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with just your best friend Alex." Grace is smiling in front of me and when I want to debate about it, she cuts me off.

"But I havent said I would take dare-" my words are going silent and I only hear my pounding heart.

"You always choose truth, that´s boring. You get the dare now, so stand up and cuddle with your wizard!"

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Alex holds his hands out for me, so he can help me stand up. He silently looks at me and I try to assure him by smiling, but I think I´m failing at it. Because he looks as unnerved as I feel right now.

When we walk out of the room and into the small storage room, we hear Skylar´s distance shouting.

"No lights and close the door! That are the rules, we set the timer!"

Why was I friends with them again?

When we approach the room, unlocking the door and stepping inside, we are suddenly surrounded by darkness. And when he closes my only way to escape, its quiet for a moment. Then, I hear is curious voice.

"What did Grace mean about your wizard?"

I relax and gently laugh. Nothing has to happen, everything is fine.

"That you are as bad at keeping secrets than Draco. Harry really found out on the first day in 6th grade, that something was clearly up with him."

Alex groans. "Please no more talking about your Drarry shipping. I get it, it could have been an enemies-to-lovers romance."

I smack his arm, taking a step closer to him.

"Okay, what would you like to talk about instead?"

I can make out the outlines of his face in the darkness, seeing how he also takes a step closer. I feel myself breathing heavily and my hands nervously shaking.

"I think, that I should keep you warm, because I literally see your hands shaking." When he takes another step in my direction, I hold my breath and in the same second, I feel his arms wrap around me.

His hands find their way to my back, embracing me in his warmth until I feel him breathing on my neck. I need to stop myself from shivering at this feeling.

"I can work with that." I whisper, snuggling into his chest and closing my eyes. I hear his racing heart and immediately need to smile.

"Your heart is beating very fast." His chin rests on my head, I feel him holding me closer.

"It´s the darkness." Of course, it is.

When I also close my arms around his waist, I feel for the first time a kind of inner peace, that I read about in books.

When a character feels safe in the embrace of their beloved.

Silence surrounds us for a minute and I begin to thank Grace for her dare, because him holding me in his arms und me, hugging him, is much more than wonderful.

"When you call me a wizard, do I get to call you a witch?" I burst out a laughter at his question.

"Only if you won´t compare me to Umbridge." He nods quietly.

"You are as far away from being like Umbridge as the earth is away from the moon. So, you don´t have to worry."

"Good." We are silent again.

"So, have you ever thought about what you would do, if you would get to spent time with a person, when you have seven minutes in heaven?" I think for a few seconds, before I answer him.

"I always imaged this game as a way to confess feelings or solving a fight. Maybe a hidden chance to make out too, I guess."

I hear him taking a deep breath, not expecting much. Until-

"Can I kiss you?" My knees almost give out.

"You what-?" I turn to look at him. Noticing his widen pupils.

"I mean, would you, um, want to kiss. Like, me. Now. Not that you need to, but you sounded like you would want that experience, so-" he tries to hold a stable voice, but I can sense, that he's slowly freaking out.

"Alex. You just asked me, if we should kiss."

I can´t believe it.

"...yes?" He sounds so sincere.

"Why?" I ask, while continue to look at him, feeling every centimeter that divides our lips from touching.

"Like I said, I don´t want you to miss out on anything."

Silence.

"Okay and maybe I just wanted an excuse to kiss you, before that dream boy of yours does."

I lean forward, watching as his eyes keep looking at my lips, even though he tries to hold the eye contact.

I slowly raise my hand and place it on the back of his neck, caressing the dark hair and twirling a few strands.

"Are you jealous, pretty boy?" I feel his cheeks getting warm, seeing the effect my words have on him.

His hands hold me tighter and a startled expression is shown on his face.

"What? Me, jealous? No." I raise my eyebrows at him.

He signs. "Maybe. I dont like the thought of someone else with you." His thumb brushes over my lips.

"Kissing you, touching you. It just doesnt feel right, that someone else would do that."

"You mean, someone who isnt you?" I look at his lips and he hums quietly. His hand slowly wanders to my chin and directs my head closer to him, I can feel his breath on my skin.

"We don´t have to do it-" I begin to talk, but then again, when he speaks up, his voice sounds out of breath, like he's holding himself back.

"No, it´s just one...little...kiss" his voice becomes quieter, the less distance there is between our faces.

And with one, last look, he catches my lips in a slow kiss. Keeping me close to him, by holding onto my waist. His hands find their way to my cheeks, caressing them with his fingers and I feel my heart pounding as prominent against my chest as feel him kissing me.

I don't notice, that he's directing me back until I gently hit the wall, while his hands slowly explore my sides. My hands tangle in his hair, tugging him closer, so I can feel everything of him.

And in that moment, I understand the name of the game. Because this truly feels like heaven.

When I notice, that I can´t breath anymore (but who needs oxygen when you can have Alex Walter), we gently break apart. Still holding onto each other.

And as soon as we catch our breath, both of us are smiling at each other and we share our feelings without a word.

"That was-" he doesnt get to finish his sentence, because in a blink of an eye, the door opens and brightness consumes us.

We quickly break apart, but apparently too late, because Grace´s voice is the first one to tease us.

"Right, you are just friends."

You can imagine, what the entire evening after that was like...

[tiktaaliker]

had a weird and strangely intricate mmolb dream last night. here are some of the highlights

the relegate draft began rolling out, but it was in waves or something??? like you would go to your manage team page and the player names were inconsistently change (some were normal, a few were blanked out, some were changed to the words "BLANK" or "GONE", some were like... partially wiped and missing only the first or last name). I specifically remember that instead of going through and redrafing each position consecutively, some positions were bolded and you could only redraft the bolded ones. i think the implication was that theyd all be able to be redrafted eventually its just that some players werent done being relegated yet or something like that

i also specifically remember i started out by redrafting 3rd base. i dont know why i remember this detail

Scouting reports now also included a contextless impact font meme for each player that presumably gave a hint on their attributes

I think the player i ended up scouting was named Heather Longtime or something similar. I picked them because they looked like theyd be really good at stealing bases

I was at some sort of in person meetup with other mmolb people. It was at a convention center that was also hosting some sort of science fair. I vividly remember walking through a hall filled with various booths that were all displaying different types of ginormous carnivorous plants and thinking "i wonder if any of these are good at pitching"

After this i went back to my.... cabin??? hotel room???? whatever it was, the room had multiple beds and had like 5 other people all of which were mmolb fans (non of who i knew).

Dogs came into the room. I immediately assumed that this was a mmolb update and that these were meant to be our team mascots. i think mine was a pug

We all moved into like... a different room with a lot of tables, with team jerseys laid out on the tables. And yes these were peoples mmolb team jerseys. no i dont know who made them or why they were there

I went around trying to find mine (along with a smaller version for the pug, which i was convinced i would find with the normal one). I kept seeing somebody else wearing a hillside time flies jersey (not the same one i designed btw. These were implied to be "official" jerseys) at the corner of my eye but whenever i thought i found them they were wearing a different jersey entirely

While i was looking for the jersey i found mmolb yearbook-style hardback that had like... a directory of lesser league stuff sorted by division. i remeber being mad that i didnt know about this, before i realized that there wasnt ANY harmony leagie teams. somehow this made it slightly better?

In the "yearbook" it had different sections for different sorts of team art. There were some normal ones like team logos, team aesthetics, team mascots (which were different than the dog mascots btw. i think the dogs stopped being relevant at this point in the dream). But i also vividly remember a section that was labeled something like "official team collages" where every single team had like.... a clipart collage of snoopy at a rave. every one used the same assets just arranged differently, and some of them had shit like #YOLO on the bottom in small black text.

i think i woke up after that

[fictionfixations]

This is so off topic but i really want to write a time travel fic of someone twst. Like an actual multichapter one not just the oneshot with silver and sebbie (and yuu) I blame the actual sebek time travel fic i read before i made it to book 7 And i blame the fact i had a dream where sebek had time traveled and like he was doing stuff to undo things and he got caught and they were waiting for him to explain and it was tense and somehow he ended up pretending to be asleep to get out of it and also did i forget to mention that I was sebek and it felt so real that for a few minutes i was just sitting there in bed still pretending to be asleep waiting for someone to leave and then slowly was trying to think like ‘..this doesnt feel like–’ cause sebek was like leaning on lilia’s shoulder ????? or something like that and i realized WAIT that was just a DREAM

Its wild. Like. there was this person who was like trying to get sebbie to stop threateningly like ‘i have a criminal record’ and he kept repeating it and its just aAAA (as in they arent afraid to get violent D:) IDK it felt like there was like some war going on in the background with lilia and malleus and some horrible thing was going to happen that sebek wanted to stop

And so it was in the library with something something secret passage that led to like 3 glowing blue balls (HAHA BALLS) on top of like a cushion in a box and i cant remember wtf they did just that they were important. I cant remember if it was a bad thing or not. I think that probably came from LoCF influence cause of the thing in the library crossman curse thingy whatever i forgot

But so it was really nerve wracking.

And i remember reading this fic with general lilia having a twin and it was started because the person writing it had dreams of it. And i was like woah thats cool. I dont think id have dreams like that but id like to.

HAHA i jinxed myself like months later cause wtf it felt weirdly real even though its nothing like my irl life. Like usually i get tricked because its taking place in locations ive been to before (i once had a dream i had a cat and i felt so sad because i didnt have one irl) but NOPE 

Anyway idk where silver was but it was strongly implied that it was in the past past like general lilia type past except malleus existed then too

Idk why sebek was there (or why i was sebek ??? i think i just got huge brainrot rfom that sebek time travel fic tbh)

but so . i was so hesitant to say something about it bc idk it felt weird so i sat on this for 4 days but weirdly enough i still remember a good chunk of it like the many details i just didnt write down originally

..i feel like this is a sign i should write it. i just wish i knew what the balls were for 💀. i mean i think it was bad because the library was implied to be like in like their home or base right?? and he was trying to take it away. but he was gonna touch it with his bare hand idk dream logic causing dumb shit im pretty sure they're magical balls.

anyway i cant remember if he managed to get them or if he got caught or how?? did he get caught in the act? i mean how else would they be suspicious???

in the first place why are they not suspicious of him being there

like

like

did he somehow bullshit his way in there

like okay JP spoilers (i think it'll appear in the NEXT main story update on EN)

like how he was like describing to baur his grandpa (who is baur btw but baur doesnt know it i dont think?) and like how hes half fae and baur acknowledging him as one of them and is like 'well for all i know you could be a zigvolt' and like being accepting and its just like shfuisdhfuisehdij

but so anyway that worked so idk maybe it works for them. idfk what excuse he made up

aughhhh why do i have to have brainrot over this when im trying to write something else tho

[phos-phorus]

If I had the chance to start over || Launt

It got out of hand. I got lost in my own writing while listening to chances on repeat. I startet writing this fic at around 10:30pm and its now 3am so please excuse any mistakes etc and let me know if there are any!

Summary: James has had feelings for Niki for a long time now. He never ends up confessing tho and one day the despair hits him so hard he gets himself so fogged with alcohol and drugs that Niki has to come and save the day once again. Meanwhile James finally opens up about his feelings.

Silverstone

The roar of engines filled the air at Silverstone as James Hunt pulled his helmet off, shaking his golden hair free. James leaned against the pit wall, he glanced across the pit lane as his gaze fell on Niki Lauda, cool and composed, discussing strategies with his team. There was a magnetism to Niki that James couldn't quite shake off, a quiet strength and an enigmatic presence that drew him in.

James found himself watching Niki more than usual. Every precise movement, every calculated decision, and the sheer determination etched on his face fascinated James. He wondered if Niki ever noticed the stolen glances, the lingering looks. It was a fleeting thought, quickly buried beneath a brash smile and a casual shrug. James Hunt wasn't the type to dwell on feelings, especially not feelings as confusing as these.

"Hey, Hunt," a voice called, snapping him out of his reverie. It was one of the mechanics. "We filled her up. Ready for another round?"

James smirked, masking the tumultuous feelings inside. "Always am."

But as he climbed into his car, his mind still kept wandering to Niki.

Monaco

The glamour of Monaco was intoxicating, with its sun-soaked streets and opulent yachts. The competition was fierce, the stakes higher than ever. Yet, James found his thoughts straying towards Niki. They had become rivals on the track and, somehow, confidants off it. There were late-night conversations, hushed and intimate, where they shared dreams and fears over drinks.

One such night, James almost blurted it out. They were on the deck of a yacht, the sea breeze ruffling their hair. Niki was talking about his plans for the next race, but James couldn't focus. His mind was racing with words he couldn't say.

"I admire you, Niki. More than you know," He managed, his voice thick with unspoken emotions.

Niki smiled, a rare, genuine smile. "I know, James. I feel the same."

The words hung in the air, open to interpretation. James' heart pounded, but he said nothing more. The moment passed, leaving him with a bittersweet taste of what could have been.

Belgium

There was no reason for him to be this happy. After McLaren made changes to the car it became difficult to drive and James ended up lurching all over the track, holding other drivers up, and eventually retired with gearbox failure.

As the race ended and Niki emerged victorious, James found himself clapping louder than anyone else, his admiration barely contained while his engineers just scoffed at him in disbelieve. He didnt care though. He stopped doing that a long time ago.

Zandvoort

James often caught himself watching Niki, thinking about what might happen if he took the leap and confessed his love.

But he never did. Instead, he masked his feelings with a reckless lifestyle—partying, women, and substances. Each time he saw Niki's determined face, the longing in his heart grew stronger.

The celebration after James's latest victory was in full swing. Champagne flowed, laughter echoed, but James felt a hollowness inside. Across the room, Niki was engaged in conversation, his sharp features softened by a rare smile. He was talking to Marlene, a beautiful woman who seemed to be the only one who could break through Niki's stern exterior.

James's heart ached. He downed another glass of champagne, trying to drown the jealousy and longing that gnawed at him. What if he had taken that chance, back in '73? What if he had told Niki how he felt?

Watkins Glen

James stood in the shadows, watching Niki with Marlene, her laughter ringing out like a melody. He turned away, unable to bear the sight, and retreated to his hotel room. He saw them together often, and each time, a part of him shattered, and James cursed himself for never having the courage to confess his feelings. He never dared to hope.

Trying to numb the pain, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol and drugs. The party raged on, but James felt increasingly isolated, lost in his thoughts.

Tokyo

The neon lights of Tokyo painted the city in vibrant hues. The race was over, the celebration in full swing, but James was nowhere to be found.

In his hotel room, James poured himself another drink, the alcohol mixing with the drugs he'd taken earlier. The room spun around him, memories of races, laughter, and stolen glances merging into a painful blur.

He wondered what might have been if he had confessed his love. "What if I told him?" he muttered, downing most of his freshly poured drink "What if I just told him I love him?"

What-ifs and could-have-beens crashed over him in relentless waves, each one more unbearable than the last. His vision blurred, hot tears spilling over and streaming down his cheeks.

James collapsed onto the floor, staring at the ceiling as a sob ripped through him, raw and guttural, shaking his entire body. He tried to wipe at his eyes, but the tears kept coming, a torrential flood that refused to be stemmed. His fingers brushed against his cheeks, smearing the tears, mixing them with the alcohol he spilled.

Each sob grew louder, more desperate, as if he could cry out the anguish that had settled deep within his soul. Arms wrapping around his knees, he curled into himself, rocking back and forth in a futile attempt to find comfort.

His breaths came in ragged gasps, the pain in his chest tightening with every exhale as the room around him seemed to dissolve into a haze of sorrow, the shadows closing in, suffocating him with their presence.

The desperate banging on the door was muffled at first, almost as if it were part of the whirlwind in his head. James barely registered the noise, consumed entirely by his grief. It grew more insistent, a rhythmic pounding that seemed to match the frantic beat of his own heart. He heard voices calling his name, but they were distant, like a dream slipping away.

The door swung open with a force that startled him, and there, framed in the doorway, stood Niki Lauda, breathless and wide-eyed. Niki’s face was a mixture of confusion and concern, his eyes wide as he took in the scene before him.

James looked up, his vision swimming through the tears, and saw Niki standing there, silent and stunned. For a moment, everything froze. The banging on the door had stopped, replaced by an eerie silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Seeing Niki there, so vividly present when he’d only imagined him in his sorrow, was both a comfort and a fresh stab of pain.

Niki took a step forward, his eyes never leaving James’s. “James,” he said with a forced calmness, the name hanging heavily in the air. “Scheiße, James, what happened?”

"I'm sorry," he choked out between sobs, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm so, so sorry."

He didn't know who he was apologizing to—Niki, himself, the universe. It didn’t matter.

James tried to speak once more, but the words caught in his throat. He could only stare up at Niki, his emotions laid bare, his sobs a stark admission of his despair. He wiped at his face, trying to regain some semblance of composure, but the effort was futile. The weight of his sorrow and regret was too much to bear.

Niki knelt beside him, his expression a mix of sadness and empathy. He reached out a hand, carefully pulling James into a sitting position, supporting him with a firm but gentle grip. “I’m here, alright? We’ll get through this.” he said, his voice steadier than James’s own trembling hands. “Just… just breathe. In Gottes Namen was tust du dir nur an.”

James clung to Niki, his sobs finally quieting and his breathing slowing down. The room still spun, but now there was a lifeline amid the chaos.

Niki stayed with him, the weight of unspoken words hanging between them, but in that moment, the silence was enough. They sat together on the floor until Niki was convinced James wouldnt fall over or start sobbing again as soon as he let go of him.

He helped James to his feet and guided him to the couch, ensuring he was seated comfortably before moving to fetch a glass of water and some painkillers.

“You can't keep doing this to yourself. Ich kann nicht immer da sein um auf dich auf zu passen." Niki murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. " You need to stop this—drugs, alcohol. You’re destroying yourself."

James’s eyes followed every movement of Niki’s. His gaze was unwavering, even as he struggled to stay conscious. He was too weak to respond verbally, but his eyes spoke volumes, filled with a mix of regret and adoration.

Niki moved about the room, tidying up and picking up the discarded bottles with a practiced efficiency, cleaning the mess and making sure James was well enough to avoid a trip to the hospital. Despite his frustration, there was a tenderness in his touch, a silent promise that he wouldn’t leave James in this state, no matter how much James had hurt himself.

As Niki worked, James began to whisper to himself, his voice barely audible over the sound of Niki’s movements and his own ragged breathing

"If I had the chance to start over… the first person I’d seek out would be you, Niki."

Niki froze for a moment, his hand hovering over a dirty glass. He looked down, catching James’s eye for a split second. There was something in James’s gaze that made Niki pause, his heart aching despite the anger he felt.

“I should’ve... I should’ve told you, should’ve taken the chance while I could” James continued as he looked up into Niki's eyes “I would’ve done it right this time. I would’ve told you everything. I would-”

"You need to drink your water." Niki interrupted harshly as he turned to put the glass and the empty whiskey bottle on the counter.

“I’m sorry,” James whispered again, his voice breaking. “I didn’t... I didn’t know how-”

Niki leaned in to check James's pulse once more but remained silent, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of James’s emotions. The weight of the words that James had never said lay heavily in the room.

In a halting voice, he continued, "I... I love you, Niki. I've always loved you. And I know I've messed everything up, but if I had another chance, I'd do it all differently. I'd do it right."

For a long moment, Niki said nothing, just knelt there, processing the words that hung heavy in the air. He finally shook his head slightly, as if to clear his thoughts, and resumed tending to James, his movements a little gentler now.

Making sure James was settled in bed, his head resting on a pillow and a glass of water within reach, Niki turned to leave, casting one last glance at James.

“Rest, James. We'll talk more when you're sober. I’ll be around if you need anything." he said softly, his voice lacking its earlier harshness.

He turned off the light and quietly left the room, leaving James alone in the darkness.

James lay in the darkness, tears streaming down his face once more. He had finally said it, but it felt like he had lost everything. He clung to the hope that maybe, somehow, he could fix things. But for now, he was alone, begging the universe for a chance to turn back time.

The room was silent, save for his whispered plea, "I didn’t mean for it to be this way. Please. Please, let me go back. Let me fix this."

But the past remained unchangeable, and James was left to face the consequences of his silence, his heartache echoing in the empty room.

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Vega Latest Audio Thoughts

Im going to put in under the cut for those who can't listen yet and don't want spoilers. (Ik that feeling.)

MY HUSBAND IS BACK FINALLY I MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!! I love him and i want him to step on me im so fucking glad hes here im sobbing

I feel like Warden is settling more into their personality now. At first they kinda gave off a timid vibe since they were trying to fit in with humans and not appear as a threat. Then there was that moment they snapped at him. When they get frustrated, they lash out. And here we see it again. Vega is shooting down their ideas, so they call him stubborn instead of considering why he's shooting them down. It's his fault.

He calls them Darling when he's not upset with them or something. Then it turns into "My Warden" I'll be your anything.

Vega my poor baby had to go through so much. I'll kiss his boots to make him feel better.

ALSO THE LORE MMMMM!! DELICIOUS

Vega had to fight in the cocophany and he emerged before then. And he was one of the voices that spoke out. He's definitely old. Also does that mean that he was one of the first rebelling demons? (Wouldn't it be daemons then since everyone was a daemon until the sovereigns split and then the serenity and empathy kept the term daemon in rememberance of the sacrifice?)

What cost did daemons have to pay to feed? O.o

So the meridian didnt exist until the sovereigns formed it? But before then, they were running experiments on humans... so wouldnt aria have eclipsed or whatever with elegy?

He severed a Sovereign's spellsong? O.o (hmmm wonder where we heard that term before... HMMMM)

HELL YEA LETS GO TO CLOSEKNIT AND FUCK SHIT UP

What stronger power? The sovereigns im guessing. Or what if this is where Hush comes into play? We know he's prolly strong as long as there's a conduit.

Plot twist, Blake's listener's death is going to be at the hands of Vega somehow. Blake did say their death was coming and he was out of time. First listener death owo? (/hj)

Vega baby, im like a face hugger. You can't get rid of me. Stop fucking trying. Morals dont exist in our love. Lets murder children idc. JUST LET ME LOVE YOU

Wait... we weren't in Dahlia this entire time? WHERE TF ARE WE?

Outside of simping... I wanna talk about the manipulations

The whole complicit thing? It's a subtle urging them to stay. He's told them everything that he plans to do. Even if they choose to leave, they're still incriminated. They're tied to him and his actions.

Firsthand accounts are difficult to give without making the other party feel a sense of guilt. Kind of survivor guilt type of things. Did you feel like you needed to apologize as if you were at fault? Not just from sympathy? Well there you go.

There's more but im too feral to remember.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

you called me a friend and that has given me the courage to step out of the anon mask lol

YEAH EXACTLY. HE SPENT THE whole day looking for his daughter and then reliving painful memories! i felt so bad for him

cheers to living life as hopeless romantics lol

I KNOW RIGHT, (studying psychiatry just for them if we lived in that universe)

JERSEY. im not kidding, i spent like a week being emotional over the jersey ending, my parents were genuinely concerned 😭

nani has a Father Face!! yes!! and i've spent an embarrassing amount of time watching his interviews, and he's SO GOOD WITH KIDS. it's so cute honestly

yay for intellectual conversations via tumblr asks!! i've been overanalysing this movie almost constantly in my head for the past 4 days so this was really fun, ily <3

fun fact: i wanted to know when you replied to my ask, so i kept having to open your account, right? so after a point i just typed "gay" onto my searchbar to find your account lol

another fun fact, i was scrolling through your desiposting tag bc it was fun and saw "saturday night fever" and. i haven't heard this song in years, okay, i didn't even remember that such a song existed in that movie. but it still instantly played in my head with A Tune, and i googled the song to see if i remembered the tune somehow or if i was just making stuff up, AND IT WAS THE RIGHT TUNE. sure brain. remember all random tunes but not the shit i study for exams.

fellow pjo fan!! hi!! and i love your opinions on taylor swift!! FRIEND!!!!!

i apologise for the oversharing but i have very recently found telugu people on tumblr and i'm Very Excited, if you need me to back off, pls lmk and i will!

welcome to the other side............................!

2. I KNOWWWWWWW they really put nani in The Most situations ever give the man a break !! they need to put every character in counseling immediately after the cameras stop rolling

3. 🥂🥂 its tough but its real

5. NO WAYYY that is so funny but also <33333

6. HE ISSSSSSS when he did krishna gaadi veera prema gaadha and played with the kids all the time...................... where can i find a man like him fr

7. awhh i love you too<33 i always love talking about movies its so so fun

8. LMAOOOOOO honestly this is the end goal and vision. my moniker is gay as it should be and the universe is right

9. RIGHT its such a sleeper agent song i never remember it Until I Do. but yeah at that point i didnt know when i could go back to india and i remembered we would sing it while running and it made me Emotionanal. but i got to go back which was nice!! different problems but it still feels good to go home

10. omg!!!!!!!!!!! we are holding hands and skipping in a circle............ FRIEND!!!

11. no youre COMPLETELY fine i do the exact same thing<333 you dont need to back off at all, its incredibly fun to talk to you !!!

[ipodtouchtouchtouch]

sleep paralysis and inviting negativity in

i experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. immediately after waking up from it i sent a voice message to my roommate and my girlfriend telling them what happened. i felt like id been attacked in the night, not like id woken up from a dream. dreaming is not so common for me since i smoke so much weed. but most of the dreams i do have are nightmares. i think those just stick out the most. a typical nightmare for me includes lots of teeth falling out anxiety. its stress in my life manifesting when ive not been addressing it properly in my waking life. theres honestly many things in my life i dont address properly. i should make a list of those things probably. but i will do that later. my sleep paralysis happened on a monday night. the week prior my roommate and i had an honestly traumatic experience together involving a show at our basement venue. it all centered around this lana del rave we hosted. but this subject i absolutely can not get in to. it did though bring a lot of negativity in to our lives. i honestly havent cried that much since deciding to drop out of college in january 2020. its almost certainly what brought on my sleep paralysis. or invited this demon in to my bedroom. or whatever it was. bad energy. my sleep started off all wrong. i fell asleep sitting up watching true detective season one sexy matthew ma con a hey idk how to spell it with my roommate. after that i decided it was time to put myself to bed. but i couldnt be bothered to wash my face or brush my teeth as these days ive been hopelessly depressed. went to bed in my dirty sheets with my dirty face and dirty teeth... in an effort to save myself from being a complete failure. i put on the crystal bowl sound bath chakra healing vibrations album on spotify and set it to repeat. i fell asleep to the crystal bowl vibrations really easily. at first i had normal type dreams. i was in my middle school cafeteria but for some reason it was a high school reunion. i was wearing a backpack and feeling embarrassed about it. my old classmates tried talking to me but i couldnt speak because i kept stress eating candy and then stress chewing on the wrappers and drooling everywhere. i think at one point i was trying to answer a facetime with my friend who lives in new york. then the scene changed. i walk in to a room that is bright and all white with a backdrop hanging, a camera, clothing racks. a man and a woman are standing in the middle of the room waiting to greet me. i looked right at them but i dont know what they look like. "congratulations" they said "you made the call back" i felt very sick suddenly. i told them that i didnt feel well and asked if they would pick my outfits for me. then i laid down under the clothing rack to rest. as they were pulling clothes out above me the man pulled a knit sweater off the rack. it honestly kind of looks like this sweater we sell at urban outfitters. as he pulled it out the yarn began to unravel. it tangled around my neck somehow and the more he pulled the tighter it got around my neck and it felt like a rug burn as it choked me. i tried to yell out "stop, stop, stop" over and over again but i couldnt really audibly yell. this happens to me a lot in my dreams. as im getting over the fear of being choked and start to realize that im dreaming i wake up. i open my eyes and im laying in my bed. but i am not actually awake. it is still a dream actually because i rolled over in bed to see that someone else was asleep on my right. i felt so scared honestly exactly how id feel if i experienced this in real life. i didnt remember falling asleep with anyone. did i black out drunk was a thought i had. i reached out to touch the person in my bed, they looked small i thought maybe it could be my friend em. when i touched their back this person or thing sat up abruptly and began to shriek. that is not em i knew immediately. it felt like it was screaming in fear like id startled it awake. as the high pitched shriek continued another figure that i had not noticed rose up from the end of my bed and began to shriek as well.

[leejenowrld]

hi bb!! saw your update but didnt have time to read through until just now (i have to read it in one go…i cant stand to leave cliffhangers for myself)

BUT I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW IF I LOVE YOU OR HATE (im joking i love u) YOU FOR THE CLIFFHANGER 😭 like wtf i dont trust jeno now anymore im about to slap him i cant believe he so nonchantly promised o/c but ended up being the person who told everyone abt the bar…like what were his intentions??? im developing trust issues now okay gonna type now my thoughts in sequence

1. damn, starting off strong with the spicey scene that we left off from the last chapter…it was def worth the wait

2. woah but one thing i really like was how you showed o/c possessiveness through it…its like her realising how much more jeno meant to her beyong just sex lowkey kinda sexy too HAHA

3. honestly ive said this many times, hut i will say it again, i really love how you build up every character, they are all complex. like the way o/c was trying to find out more about jeno, be it the lroject scene or the incident with eric and sunwoo, but jeno kept his walls up (for a while) rather than saying he didnt trust o/c i felt that it was more of him not trusting himself and his insecurities taking on him

4. Karina. woah…referring to the first asked i sent you, i think i finally gor what you mean. she HAS a purpose, not just a side character who pushes the stroyline, its like she has her own story to tell. but ngl i was so shocked when i found out her and jeno was doing shit behind areum’s back…was low key angry cos i feel like it was going against the girls code and made me questioned both their ethics. i actually wanted to scream in her face “WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO UR BESTFREIDN” but i dont NOT LIKE her, it just brings out how its human nature to make stupid ass decisions +++ i love o/c and her interaction this far…its like the both of them trying to read each other but o/c is somehow one step ahead of her??? ya karina is a vv complex charactef

5. OH AND O/C joining the cheer team got me so happy idk why…i think i toally forgot abt this scene in lmb cos i had no recollection

6. mark and o/c. its kinda funny how she was trying to gaslight mark into thinking her and jeno has nothing going on. but my heart actually drop two beats when mark said found out cos of THAT photo.

7.

hi baby!! omg first of all i love you for reading it all in one go because same, i wouldn't be stop midway either, i would need the full impact at once. but second of all… i love that you’re feeling all these emotions because that’s exactly what i wanted. you should be questioning jeno right now. you should be developing trust issues. like, what were his intentions??? why would he do that after making that promise??? the fact that you’re this invested makes me so happy because that means the writing did its job. okay, let’s go through your thoughts one by one:

worth the wait is the biggest compliment because i knew that scene had to deliver. it’s one thing to tease it but another to actually make it feel like the moment. so the fact that you felt that?? yes.

exactly!! this is the shift. o/c is feeling something deeper, even if she won’t outright say it. and her possessiveness isn’t just about sex anymore—it's about him, about wanting to claim him in a way that feels terrifying but inevitable. lowkey sexy, yes, because there’s nothing hotter than realizing you actually care and that it matters.

i love that you picked up on jeno not trusting himself. that’s such a key part of his character. he’s not just keeping o/c out—he’s keeping himself in. like, he knows there’s something about her that could break through his walls, and he’s not sure if he’s ready for that. you’re so right that it’s not just about her but his own insecurities getting in the way.

karina is so fascinating to write because she’s so layered, and i love that you see that. she’s not just there to be a plot device, she has her own reasons, her own moral contradictions. the whole situation with her and jeno behind areum’s back is messy because real people are messy. and you’re right—it goes against girl code, and it’s frustrating, and it makes you question her, but that’s exactly what makes her interesting. also, o/c being one step ahead of her?? yes. it’s like a game of chess between them, both trying to read each other, but o/c has that edge.

her joining the cheer team feels like such a power move honestly. it’s giving “if you can’t beat them, join them” but with a hidden agenda.

mark knew and the fact that it was that photo that made it click?? devastating. and yeah, the gaslighting attempt was so funny because she really thought she could pull it off, but mark’s not that easy to fool.

girl what was 7 don't leave me hanging!!!!!

i love love love this reaction and i can’t wait to hear the rest of your thoughts once you finish typing them all out!! 💖

[tobibestcat]

Coming out is insane. I fear living

So im gay, people dont like that around here. Pair that with a need to be apologetically yourself as a way to show trust, coming out felt like a need to my close friend. Its like me saying "i trust you and i will let your biggest mistake be painted in my name so you are free of consequence". Now pair that with not knowing if im close enough to them or not. Yay.!

So, i have 3 main friends

S, i came out to them first. Shes one im closest to, we know eachothers secrets and trauma typa friend. shes somehow the most religious, but like the good kind. Queen of toleration in my books. I mention it once, we rarely talk about it. Good start, i feel safe!! Confidence, yay! (Wrong)

N, i havent came out to them at all. She thinks we're too fare apart. She'd rather pick another group of friends over me, us being in the same circle was a coincidence. Its just the 4 of us, through, so i developed a whole thing about "quads who r besties" in my head

Now, E. I came out to her recently (last night or just now, depending on when i read this. Wont be proofreading). So i told her. As usual, i was a fucking mess the whole day. This is a piece of information that can ruin my life, but i will feel guilt eating me alive if i keep hiding it

I told her, asked how she felt and was like "idc lols" which is in character. Bad thing: i told her at 8 when we were playing, and started asking at 10 when we stopped. This means im not me (its 11, im still not me and im scared now). She told me to repent and i was like "i tried, didnt work lol" and ACCIDENTLY DROPPED INFORMATION. She asked about it, my high brain answers and i start OPENING UP.

Its a good thing, but i have a bad tendency to ask for something back in return, a way to feel equal. I try to keep it down but im like high from lack of sleep so i kept going. We talked, she was disappearing a lot and i got nervous. Ended up telling her that im backing out so i dont get angry at her for not opening up back to me. But i feel like i just fucked up a lot. I feel like shit, idek what im typing this for but it helped me rationalize things even if its still a mess. Idek its 11pm and im too tired to think. I shouldn't have done this eww

[strwberrys0da]

i dated a psychopath. here’s what happened (i changed names for anonymity)

content warning: coercion, SA, SV

tldr: my ex boyfriend used my trauma to his advantage. i was too scared to be emotionally vulnerable to my friend ryan about it. i knew he had feelings for me but i always kept him at a safe distance. i missed my opportunity, he stopped responding to me. please dont wait to tell someone how you feel.

“what happened to you?” was one of the questions i avoided from ryan.

i was betrayed in the worst possible way. after my fiasco with dating cade, i got close with my at-the-time bff —> boyfriend. [redacted] mirrored my personality to make us seem so similar it ‘was fate.’ all the lies he told me… it took years to fully process what happened in that relationship. in the beginning, [redacted] was the man of my dreams.. everything i looked for in a guy he was. at the end of our relationship, his shell chipped away and i slowly saw the real [redacted]. he lied about everything. his past, his parents, his interests. looking back i dont even know what his true personality is. [redacted] suddenly became cold towards (only) me. he was slowly pushing me away. i think he did this to ‘soften the blow’ and try to make things work out like he did in the past. i felt there was something off when he broke up with me but said “i still love you. and i’ll love you forever. our relationship is deeper than romance. we’re intimate on a spiritual level” type shit. CORNY! he then wanted to see me ‘as a friend’ but he would just love bomb me. one night i confronted him about this lovebombing and what he said. somehow he made it seem like i was the crazy one and i should’ve known better?..

the frosting on the sundae was when i opened up to him about my experience with my ex boyfriend cade. i expressed how i was drugged and visibly too high to think properly. i was at my house with my ex boyfriend cade and our mutual friend james. i had a panic attack when the drugs kicked in. instead of helping me, cade and james laughed at me and told me to just stop crying. it was my first time getting high and i didn’t expect to panic the way i did. it was clear that i was too high to think straight, which led to sa. i told this story to [redacted].

to put the cherry on top, before i dated [redacted], we bonded over “similar stories of sexual violence.” after i would disclose a traumatic event that led to ptsd, he said the same thing happened to him with his ex girlfriend. literal propaganda of this girl i didnt even know but he tried to make a barrier so i wouldn’t ever b close to her. making up stories of sexual violence is below rock bottom. that’s like.. psychopathic behavior. since he knew about my trauma with cade, [redacted] knew how *not* to abuse me. instead of being overt about it… he disguised it in his fake personality. he would use coercive ways to try to be intimate with me. at the time, he was my best friend/boyfriend and never wanted to hurt me. i later realized his ex girlfriend he claimed sexually abused her… when i asked [redacted] about it, he would say “how could you think that about me? why would i ever do that? you know me, i’m a good person. it’s all lies; she was my abuser.” i heard what (at the time felt like) rumors about how he was abusive, so i asked [redacted] about it. he got so upset when i tried to ask about it. turns out he r4ped her. he convinced me he was the victim in this relationship. this fucking shattered my soul.

i became friends with [redacted]’s other ex girlfriend. we made amends and i apologized for ever believing [redacted] over her. i explained how he was a constant liar and changed his stories to fit his narrative.

going back to ryan, i avoided his question because in the past, i’ve had people use my trauma against me to get what they want. i was scared of being vulnerable enough to get hurt. i built up this wall so i wouldn’t get close with new people. i tried to avoid that feeling by coping with drugs and casual hookups. i always knew ryan had feelings for me. i told him i had feelings for him (on snapchat), then deleted the app. i was planning on deleting snapchat for a while but this gave me a reason why i should delete it.

months went by, i was finally ready to commit to a relationship. turns out he blocked me on imessage. i missed my opportunity to truly be honest and open with him but i guess he got tired of waiting. i’ll miss him. probably forever.

my apologies if it’s hard to follow, i wrote this in one try and i’m too lazy to proof-read it.

[luvzpagie]

SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A— COWGIRL’S FACE

𝜗𝜚 if you saw that i wrote this for cait… no you didnt, idek if i actually like ts

paige was teasing you all night.

her hands would run past your waist when she walked past you, her hands rubbing up your thigh stopping at your core, and whispering such dirty things. and it left you absolutely dripping.

"paige, baby can we go now" you whined.

you were ready to go home, the place was hot and packed and the slick between your thighs didn't make it any better.

huffs and puffs came from your mouth as you kept tugging your taller girlfriend's arm, you rolled your eyes at her telling you for the millionth time to "wait" and to "hold on baby, give me a sec".

fed up with waiting you pull her away from who she was talking to, paige shoots them an apologizing look.

once outside you let go of her, crossing your arms while speed walking to the car. baffled by how you were acting paige grabs your shoulder turning you around.

"what's with the attitude?" she peered over causing you back up into the car.

"i need you.." your voice was low embarrassed by your neediness.

"hm? what was that hun?" a smirk spread across her lips. "i need you!" your voice still quite low, but loud enough for her to hear.

"ohh, why didn't you just say that earlier" you sighed starting to catch another attitude.

"i'm just joking baby don't be mad" chuckles fell out her mouth as she pulled you into the backseat, sitting you on her lap.

she grabbed you face, pulling you into a kiss. her tongue swiped against your bottom lip asking for entry, you let her explore your mouth.

your dress rose up as you grinded against her trying to feel for some type of friction, her large hands gripped your ass while your tongues fought for dominance.

out of breath, you pulled away as string of saliva followed with.

"sit on my face" she said out of breath.

"p there isn't enough space-"

"fuck if there isn't any space, sit." her voice now demanding.

she leaned back as she watched you somehow pulled off your soaked panties in the cramped space.

you hovered over her face, before you even sit she gripped onto your hips pushing you down. her lips latching on your clit.

inaudible gasps ran through your mouth as your jaw dropped at the sudden pleasure.

the sounds of her slurping made you wetter than you already were, if that is even a possibility. you already felt wrecked by the way her tongue flicked at your sensitive clit.

her tongue went up and down your slit, teasing your cunt everytime. you whined at teasing.

her tongue plunged into you without a warning.

"oh my goshh, shiitt" you let out a guttural moan, you looked down to see your girlfriends eyes laid on you.

"you like that huh" you felt her smirk.

you leaned on to the window to gain balance, her tongue diving impossibly deeper into your sopping hole. your hips rocked back and forth as you felt yourself getting closer, her nose hitting your clit adding to the stimulation.

"fuckkk- paige i'm close"

your thighs began to close, almost crushing her head. your legs shook as the bubble in your stomach started to burst, you let out a pornographic moan as you came undone.

"there you go pretty girl, let it out" her voice was muffled, but coherent.

her tongue still deep inside, helping you ride out your high. paige licked every bit clean. your hands tried to grab at the window, pushing yourself off and into her lap again.

her chin was drenched with your juices, she licked what she could reach, whipping off whatever was left.

"i love you" you sighed still trying to gain back your composure.

"i love you more baby"

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

This is gonna be a kinda long post cuz I was looking through the pictures I took with my first digital camera and feeling nostalgic

Most of them are just pictures of layla and mercedes but theres a few of me

This was my friends bunny Radar

The year i got this camera was the year with the most snow ive ever seen. Think we had maybe 2 feet in one night?

One of my few blanket forts. I wouldve liked to make more but I always ended up getting frustrated when I couldn't find things to weigh down the edges of the sheets and they kept falling down. Honestly kinda surprised I managed it with the satin ones here cuz theyre extra slippery (I stopped using them on my bed cuz they slid off too easily and I got annoyed with constantly having to readjust them)

This dude freaked out all the kids in the neighborhood lol. We were convinced he was haunted cuz he would move around sometimes. I dont think he's been over there for several years so im guessing whoever owned him moved.

My friend Jared took this picture of me before English class one day. I wore that jacket a lot. I eventually had to get rid of it cuz I let layla tug on the sleeves when we rough housed and they were getting pretty shredded at the ends

I think this was also the first year I did an Easter egg hunt for layla

And the last time I went to silver dollar city. I'm not sure what I was looking at in that first picture. Not the camera, clearly. That was. Not a trip I enjoyed all that much. I mean it was fun but going on trip was always stressful for me and it was always worse when my dads parents were there cuz despite raising 2 autistic kids they did NOT know how to handle an autistic kid. My parents being with us on this trip made it a little better cuz my mom would set boundaries for me and told them to give me space after a meltdown.

But the small amounts of gender dysphoria I've experienced were a lot worse back then but I didnt know what it was so I also couldn't articulate why them buying me a dress absolutely did NOT cheer me up.

That second picture was the gemstone panning thing that silver dollar city had which is where I got a bunch of my smaller rocks. Mostly sodalite and calcite. Some garnet and different types of quartz. Also had some pyrite which I had in a small jar on a necklace but I have no idea what happened to it. Also not sure what happened to that hat from the last picture. I got it from a souvenir shop in downtown Branson. I still wish id gotten the blue one instead of the pink one.

Mercedes judging my messy ass room. Behind her you can see a bag i made entirely out of magazine clippings

Ok ok so this picture is actually half the reason I decided to look through the pictures from this camera. This was how I liked to decorate my room for Christmas in middle school. I also had 2 mini Christmas trees set up on my night stand. It had 2 levels to it (picture a step) so I had one on each level.

Also in my window sill is the aquarium part of the "self sustaining" aquarium/terrarium we made in 6th grade science out of old coke bottles. I kept that thing for like 2 years. The fish died pretty early on. Got eaten by the snail. Which somehow made MORE snails (I do not know how snail reproduction works) and I ended up with like 30 snails in that bottle. Eventually all the water evaporated out and my mom convinced me to throw the bottle away

THIS is the other picture I was looking for. Layla had a lot of Christmas sweaters cuz she got cold easily. The santa suit was also laylas but I would put it on mercedes sometimes. This is one of the few pictures I have of them dressed up together. I didnt put clothes on mercedes too often cuz she hated it lol

There was a less blurry picture right before this one but mercedes looks mad in this one and I felt it encapsulated her personality better. Also. Man almost forgot about that rocking chair. It was at my grammys for the longest time and then we took it at some point. It was ugly as hell but it was like a giant stim toy for me. Both for rocking but also I liked the rounded parts on the arm rests cuz I could rub my fingers in the divots between them. Mercedes was not happy when we got rid of that chair.

This was about as close as they ever got to cuddling. Mercedes was never a cuddly cat. She tolerated harley cuddling up to her when she was a kitten but I think thats just cuz she was old. She probably wouldn't have tolerated it at all when she was younger.

Is it weird that I can tell I was watching ncis when I took this just by that part of the screen. This was also when my recliner still reclined lol. The handle you had to pull to bring up the foot rest was a plastic thing on the end of a wire and the wire snapped....I think the first day after my sophomore year of highschool?

Aaand heres where I finally figured out I could turn off the flash on my camera in highschool lol

Mercedes after a haircut (while I was cleaning my room)

She looks so soft here 🥺 i miss her