#and i somehow just kept typing and it didnt stop

[luvzpagie]

SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWGIRLS… FACE

𝜗𝜚 if you saw that i wrote this for cait… no you didnt, idek if i actually like ts

paige was teasing you all night.

her hands would run past your waist when she walked past you, her hands rubbing up your thigh stopping at your core, and whispering such dirty things. and it left you absolutely dripping.

"paige, baby can we go now" you whined.

you were ready to go home, the place was hot and packed and the slick between your thighs didn't make it any better.

huffs and puffs came from your mouth as you kept tugging your taller girlfriend's arm, you rolled your eyes at her telling you for the millionth time to "wait" and to "hold on baby, give me a sec".

fed up with waiting you pull her away from who she was talking to, paige shoots them an apologizing look.

once outside you let go of her, crossing your arms while speed walking to the car. baffled by how you were acting paige grabs your shoulder turning you around.

"what's with the attitude?" she peered over causing you back up into the car.

"i need you.." your voice was low embarrassed by your neediness.

"hm? what was that hun?" a smirk spread across her lips. "i need you!" your voice still quite low, but loud enough for her to hear.

"ohh, why didn't you just say that earlier" you sighed starting to catch another attitude.

"i'm just joking baby don't be mad" chuckles fell out her mouth as she pulled you into the backseat, sitting you on her lap.

she grabbed you face, pulling you into a kiss. her tongue swiped against your bottom lip asking for entry, you let her explore your mouth.

your dress rose up as you grinded against her trying to feel for some type of friction, her large hands gripped your ass while your tongues fought for dominance.

out of breath, you pulled away as string of saliva followed with.

"sit on my face" she said out of breath.

"p there isn't enough space-"

"fuck if there isn't any space, sit." her voice now demanding.

she leaned back as she watched you somehow pulled off your soaked panties in the cramped space.

you hovered over her face, before you even sit she gripped onto your hips pushing you down. her lips latching on your clit.

inaudible gasps ran through your mouth as your jaw dropped at the sudden pleasure.

the sounds of her slurping made you wetter than you already were, if that is even a possibility. you already felt wrecked by the way her tongue flicked at your sensitive clit.

her tongue went up and down your slit, teasing your cunt everytime. you whined at teasing.

her tongue plunged into you without a warning.

"oh my goshh, shiitt" you let out a guttural moan, you looked down to see your girlfriends eyes laid on you.

"you like that huh" you felt her smirk.

you leaned on to the window to gain balance, her tongue diving impossibly deeper into your sopping hole. your hips rocked back and forth as you felt yourself getting closer, her nose hitting your clit adding to the stimulation.

"fuckkk- paige i'm close"

your thighs began to close, almost crushing her head. your legs shook as the bubble in your stomach started to burst, you let out a pornographic moan as you came undone.

"there you go pretty girl, let it out" her voice was muffled, but coherent.

her tongue still deep inside, helping you ride out your high. paige licked every bit clean. your hands tried to grab at the window, pushing yourself off and into her lap again.

her chin was drenched with your juices, she licked what she could reach, whipping off whatever was left.

"i love you" you sighed still trying to gain back your composure.

"i love you more baby"

[iznyangwoni]

EASY TO LOVE | chapter eighteen !

You dont know what’s gotten to you. The first thing you wanted to do when Jungwon said those words was to slap him, then you wanted to kiss him, but you instead decided to shake your head and not believe him.

He doesn’t like you, he can’t like you. You ruined his best friend’s life, kept so many secrets from him, used him like some sort of toy to play with just because he was the new guy. You suck, you’re a bad person, he can’t and won’t ever like you.

At least that’s what you keep repeating to yourself, now hiding in the backseat of your car and crying like a baby. Your hands are so dirty because of your makeup, you dont even want to think how much of a mess your face looks like.

Someone knocks on the window and your tears seem to fall with more force when you see Moka and Wonyoung with a huge box of french fries in their hands. You let them in your car, but with all the hiccups and cries getting out of your mouth it’s not really that easy for you to speak.

“Okay, okay. Y/n. It’s not the first time a guy said something like that to you, why are you acting like this now?” The truth is pretty simple actually. You didn’t care about those guys, but you do care about Jungwon. “Yeah! You should be happy he likes you back!” Wonyoung gently slaps Moka’s arm at ther words, that only make you cry even harder.

“I don’t know,” You start, pushing the tears away from your face. You take a deep breath, your head hurts like crazy, like it always does when you cry. “I dont know how to make it up to him, i dont want him to be mad at me but i can’t just the tell him the truth or-“ Wonyoung sighs and, before you can finish your sentence, she puts a couple of french fries in your mouth.

“Don’t you dare say what i think you were going to say.” You sniff up with your nose, and you start eating calmly. Moka’s hands are on your hair, braiding them and playing with them, she knows how much it soothes you, so, slowly, you manage to calm down. Every once in a while a couple of tears fall down but you’re no longer praying for some air.

“Y/n, no matter what your father said to you, what happened last year is not your fault.” Wonyoung says, somehow she always knows the right things to say, she’s so much more mature than you are, you’re glad to have these two as your friends. “Besides, if you want things with Jungwon to work out, i feel like you should tell him.”

“It wouldn’t work out anyway.” you dont mind what Moka suggested, but there’s so many things that could go wrong between you and Jungwon, your secret is not the only thing keeping you apart. “First of all, i ruined his best friend’s life-“ “He wouldn’t be friends with her if he knew what happened.” Wonyoung stops you, and as smart as that sounds, you dont think Jungwon would go that far for you.

“But there’s still that thing about my father and his mother owning rival companies.” That’s what scares you the most, your father is not a comprehensive one, nor has he ever been a good person either, who knows how he would react to you dating his rival’s son. Or to you dating in general. “You’re an adult, Y/n. Date who you want, you can’t be on your father’s shadow all your life.”

You nod at their words, it should be obvious, but its not that easy for you, still, you are an adult, so maybe you could get over it. “But what if Jungwon doesn’t believe me?” “Oh. My. God.” Moka lets go of your hair and cups your face instead, you still have a fry in your mouth but she doesnt seem to care.

“Y/n. I’m gonna be dead serious when i say this; I’ve never seen a man look at you the way Jungwon does, its like he holds all the love you didnt get in these twenty years of your life in his eyes i swear to god its disgusting and so fucking cute at the same time, open your damn eyes!” Moka has to catch her breath when she finishes.

The car becomes silent suddenly, Moka isn’t usually the type to say these kind of things, which takes both you and Wonyoung by surprise. What startles you even more is the way people see you and Jungwon from the outside. You have to look up to not cry again, your lips pouted and trembling. “Fuck, i need to talk to him.” “Yes you do.” They both say.

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[iouinotes]

match made in heaven | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

show: My life with the Walter boys

warnings: just kissing word count: 2,2k

summary: At your birthday party you get dared to spend 7 minutes in heaven with none other than your best friend Alex.

a/n: A modified review of "Beautiful boy" Thank you @rogueanschel-reads for the woderful idea!

"Come on, even a stranger can sense your attraction for each other, the hidden love that lays beneath your friendship."

Maybe it wasnt the best idea to play truth or dare.

Well, firstly I want to say that I love my friendgroup. Grace, Skylar, his boyfriend Nathan, Kiley and of course, my best friend Alex.

Really, I love these guys. But sometimes they make me want to jump off a cliff, no regretting or turning back.

In moments like this, where I want to spent a good time partying with my friends, because its my 16th birthday, they need to remind me of the he-who-must-not-be-named-topic. That means for outstanders, my non-existent, strictly friendly feelings for my best friend Alex.

The guy, who has absolutely no idea, he's being compared to Voldemort. But for the matter of fact, Harry Potter are my all-time favorite movies and early Voldemort was actually quiet handsome. So, it kinda makes sense. Why? Because Alex has put a spell on me with his smile and his pretty face.

But back to my party.

We are currently in the living room, our knees are touching the legs of the person next to us and someone (Grace) encouraged us to smuggle a few bottles of alcohol to the party, even though we didnt plan to drink.

Now, Skylar had the great idea to embarrass everyone by playing truth or dare, but with a twist. He likes to call it "match made in heaven" or what it actually means, making out in a closet. Something like that, I've never participated in any of these games.

Until now.

As I am the birthday girl, I started the game by choosing truth. But I could really have just voluntarily confessed my feelings for Alex. Because Grace winked at me and I knew at that moment, that the next few minutes meant trouble.

"So, y/n. Describe us your magical boy, that you dream of being able to call your own." I knew it. She could have just asked me what college I wanted to attend or something less embarrassing, but no. She needed to ask me about my type in boys, which obviously is my handsome, brown haired best friend next to me.

As I'm about to hide my head in my hands, I hear the encouraging shouts of the people I call my friends.

"Okay, okay. Let me think for a moment." I couldnt make it that obvious, I liked him. But still, it was worth a try.

"Someone who has an angelic smile, where you just stare at his face and can´t stop looking at him. I-I like brown hair and I dont know, what it is, but hazel eyes, they somehow make my heart beat faster. I mean- he´s attractive, because he is a gentleman. Caring and supportive, someone who listens to my wants and needs, but still continues to be his true self. I can read books with him or we watch movies together and talk about it after. He makes me feel seen, safe. I love him, because he is everything I could ever dream of and more."

When I finish speaking, Grace grins innocent and looks at me with her long eyelashes. "I wonder, who that could be."

My eyes secretly dart to Alex, trying to figure out, if he knows, that I am very obviously describing him. But he just watches the floor, his eyebrows are drawn together and I almost think, he looks annoyed.

"Someone is jealous" I hear Skylar´s voice in my ear.

As the game went on, his behavior kept being slightly off, even though he never said anything about it and continued to smile at me, when we looked at each other.

And then, Alex was asked about his favorite memory, whether it was about being in school, with family or with friends.

Well, he told them about the first time, he introduced me to his favorite book saga, the Lord of the Rings. I never knew, that day was so special for him, but as he described my hilarious reactions and facial features, how he saw my eyes widen with disbelief as he read out the first chapters, I remembered.

When I look back, it really was a wonderful night. We did a sleepover at his house and were talking about watching Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings. Somehow, we also talked about the books and that I read the seven books about the famous wizard and he the books about the elves and other creatures (don´t judge me for this description). We discussed almost every aspect, but he still convinced me to give his favorite books a try. So we spent the night spread out on his bed, eating sweets and reading the first book. Well, he mostly read it out loud to me, because his pronunciation was definitely much better than mine. It was fun, also because I got to watch him being in his element, so it really was a heartwarming evening.

I smile at the memory, a warm feeling blooms in my chest and when he finishes talking about it, he looks at me fondly. I had to keep myself from wanting to giggle like a little girl, but my inner 13-year old, most definitely did giggle.

Back to the original topic. Next, Grace was dared to wear one of my clothes, Kiley told us about her celebrity crush (Timothee Chalamet, but you didnt hear it from me) and when Alex was asked who he would trust with his secret, if he was spiderman, he mentioned me again. It was sweet and I had planned to tell him, that I would love to be the girl in the chair.

But, as the game went on, my name constantly fell from his lips. He was dared to show one of the most terrible photos of him and revealed to the group, a snapshot from us, wearing unrecognizable Halloween costumes. Funny, but my idea to go as ghosts wasnt that bad.

Nevertheless, he talked about the best gift he had ever received, a pair of cowboy boots, I got him two years ago (Nathan was playfully annoyed that one of his presents werent the best one) and as the game continued, the question, that I tried my best to avoid, was eventually asked.

"You two are always around each other and I've barely seen you apart, like ever. Are you sure, there is nothing going on between you? It seems like it."

Alex and I looked at each other, but then quickly laughed it off. It was what we always did, when someone asked us about our close friendship. None of us really answered and that meant for me, that he neither confirmed or declined having feelings for me. Very confusing and bad for my hoping heart.

So, when our friends are looking at each other now, grinning like they planned something really wicked, I know, that my personal hell is waiting for me. Or in my situation, a modified version of heaven.

"Y/n, I dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with just your best friend Alex." Grace is smiling in front of me and when I want to debate about it, she cuts me off.

"But I havent said I would take dare-" my words are going silent and I only hear my pounding heart.

"You always choose truth, that´s boring. You get the dare now, so stand up and cuddle with your wizard!"

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Alex holds his hands out for me, so he can help me stand up. He silently looks at me and I try to assure him by smiling, but I think I´m failing at it. Because he looks as unnerved as I feel right now.

When we walk out of the room and into the small storage room, we hear Skylar´s distance shouting.

"No lights and close the door! That are the rules, we set the timer!"

Why was I friends with them again?

When we approach the room, unlocking the door and stepping inside, we are suddenly surrounded by darkness. And when he closes my only way to escape, its quiet for a moment. Then, I hear is curious voice.

"What did Grace mean about your wizard?"

I relax and gently laugh. Nothing has to happen, everything is fine.

"That you are as bad at keeping secrets than Draco. Harry really found out on the first day in 6th grade, that something was clearly up with him."

Alex groans. "Please no more talking about your Drarry shipping. I get it, it could have been an enemies-to-lovers romance."

I smack his arm, taking a step closer to him.

"Okay, what would you like to talk about instead?"

I can make out the outlines of his face in the darkness, seeing how he also takes a step closer. I feel myself breathing heavily and my hands nervously shaking.

"I think, that I should keep you warm, because I literally see your hands shaking." When he takes another step in my direction, I hold my breath and in the same second, I feel his arms wrap around me.

His hands find their way to my back, embracing me in his warmth until I feel him breathing on my neck. I need to stop myself from shivering at this feeling.

"I can work with that." I whisper, snuggling into his chest and closing my eyes. I hear his racing heart and immediately need to smile.

"Your heart is beating very fast." His chin rests on my head, I feel him holding me closer.

"It´s the darkness." Of course, it is.

When I also close my arms around his waist, I feel for the first time a kind of inner peace, that I read about in books.

When a character feels safe in the embrace of their beloved.

Silence surrounds us for a minute and I begin to thank Grace for her dare, because him holding me in his arms und me, hugging him, is much more than wonderful.

"When you call me a wizard, do I get to call you a witch?" I burst out a laughter at his question.

"Only if you won´t compare me to Umbridge." He nods quietly.

"You are as far away from being like Umbridge as the earth is away from the moon. So, you don´t have to worry."

"Good." We are silent again.

"So, have you ever thought about what you would do, if you would get to spent time with a person, when you have seven minutes in heaven?" I think for a few seconds, before I answer him.

"I always imaged this game as a way to confess feelings or solving a fight. Maybe a hidden chance to make out too, I guess."

I hear him taking a deep breath, not expecting much. Until-

"Can I kiss you?" My knees almost give out.

"You what-?" I turn to look at him. Noticing his widen pupils.

"I mean, would you, um, want to kiss. Like, me. Now. Not that you need to, but you sounded like you would want that experience, so-" he tries to hold a stable voice, but I can sense, that he's slowly freaking out.

"Alex. You just asked me, if we should kiss."

I can´t believe it.

"...yes?" He sounds so sincere.

"Why?" I ask, while continue to look at him, feeling every centimeter that divides our lips from touching.

"Like I said, I don´t want you to miss out on anything."

Silence.

"Okay and maybe I just wanted an excuse to kiss you, before that dream boy of yours does."

I lean forward, watching as his eyes keep looking at my lips, even though he tries to hold the eye contact.

I slowly raise my hand and place it on the back of his neck, caressing the dark hair and twirling a few strands.

"Are you jealous, pretty boy?" I feel his cheeks getting warm, seeing the effect my words have on him.

His hands hold me tighter and a startled expression is shown on his face.

"What? Me, jealous? No." I raise my eyebrows at him.

He signs. "Maybe. I dont like the thought of someone else with you." His thumb brushes over my lips.

"Kissing you, touching you. It just doesnt feel right, that someone else would do that."

"You mean, someone who isnt you?" I look at his lips and he hums quietly. His hand slowly wanders to my chin and directs my head closer to him, I can feel his breath on my skin.

"We don´t have to do it-" I begin to talk, but then again, when he speaks up, his voice sounds out of breath, like he's holding himself back.

"No, it´s just one...little...kiss" his voice becomes quieter, the less distance there is between our faces.

And with one, last look, he catches my lips in a slow kiss. Keeping me close to him, by holding onto my waist. His hands find their way to my cheeks, caressing them with his fingers and I feel my heart pounding as prominent against my chest as feel him kissing me.

I don't notice, that he's directing me back until I gently hit the wall, while his hands slowly explore my sides. My hands tangle in his hair, tugging him closer, so I can feel everything of him.

And in that moment, I understand the name of the game. Because this truly feels like heaven.

When I notice, that I can´t breath anymore (but who needs oxygen when you can have Alex Walter), we gently break apart. Still holding onto each other.

And as soon as we catch our breath, both of us are smiling at each other and we share our feelings without a word.

"That was-" he doesnt get to finish his sentence, because in a blink of an eye, the door opens and brightness consumes us.

We quickly break apart, but apparently too late, because Grace´s voice is the first one to tease us.

"Right, you are just friends."

You can imagine, what the entire evening after that was like...

[sanjisblackasswife]

*bangs on table* luffy, Sanji with a shy child or normal s/o! (Please I dont remember if I asked)

Lmk if I got ur request right , my love. Enjoy!<3

Luffy & Sanji with a Shy S/O (Separate) (SFW)

Black Fem Reader in Mind

CW: None! Fluffy/Kinda Crack

Sanji

You being shy is probably one of his favorite qualities you offer! He never feels awkward around you, your quiet presence is company enough.

Sanji was actually (and ironically) the first guy you began to get close with before anybody else when you first joined because he allowed you to sit and read while he cooked. The background noises of the kitchen soothed you in a way.

He was still a simp. You being more closed in DIDNT stop him from having his outuburst here and there, but he learned to calm down (JUST A TINSEY BIT) when he learned about your shy nature.

He always keeps his kitchen open for you alone when you’re feeling too overwhelmed from the chaos of the crew

You’re similar to Franky in terms of building things to help with the crew, so having that time with no distractions helped you plenty to improve even as a thank you to the fellow you you built him his own personal lighter

“Y/N, DEAR YOU—-you didnt have to!”

It wasn’t the moment he fell in love with you, but it was definitely the moment he needed to claim you as his so he asked you out.

Sanji is very considerate to your shy nature, he tries not to put you in situations where you’ll feel awkward or uncomfortable.

He also finds it absolutely adorable when you immediately gravitate to him when you get nervous. His hand with always be free for you to hold on to

Sanji kind of started to get a need of wanting to take care of you more and nearly baby you so beware of that if you don’t like it.

All in all 12/10 boyfriend. He wouldn’t change a thing about you.

Luffy

You are the yin to his yang💀

Yall couldn’t be more different. But it was okay.

Luffy is Luffy and Luffy gets along with almost everybody.

It was kind of odd to see how closely you and the rambunctious captain got but he paid no mind to it.

You don’t talk unless spoken to and you keep to yourself alot and somehow that pushed Luffy to be more in your business?

You didn’t mind it, but sometimes it would startle you to look up and see his body squatting on the take beside you trying to peek at your drawings.

“What are you doing?”

“Can i see?”

“You should have drawn our flag!”

“Usopp can draw too!”

“You should redraw Sanji’s bounty poster!”

Everybody BUT Luffy could see how uncomfortable he made you sometimes, and after a slap and kick from Sanji and Nami they told him to lay back a little.

Which he tried.

He didn’t care about your shy nature, for some odd reason it made him gravitate more to you so now he taps you.

Alot.

He taps you when he wants to talk.

He taps you when he wants your attention.

He taps you when he wants to hear you speak.

One day Luffy did his daily tap of your cheek and plopped his hat on your head to watch you draw again, but today you wanted it to be a surprise.

“Heyyy! Lemme seee!”

You kept ignoring him until he started to whine like a baby and that’s when you handed him the picture.

It was a drawing of Luffy’s dream he told you all about a fee days go.

His eyes lit up like stars he loved it so much

He was even blushing a little

From that day to this you had Luffy under your finger. Wherever you went. He went. When you wanted to take a nap or draw he wanted to too. His personality even started to rub off on you and you felt more comfortable to smile and joke with him in private.

Luffy wasn’t the type to be into labels like calling you his girlfriend, but you were his new favorite person to talk to, listen to, and even confide to.

Just to be with, he loves you sm.

There has always been moments as youre drawing where Luffy has been so open to you about his past that even some of the strawhats don’t even know about.

He doesn’t mind being with you even if you’re shy/timid.

You were his form of comfort and he was yours.

[phos-phorus]

If I had the chance to start over || Launt

It got out of hand. I got lost in my own writing while listening to chances on repeat. I startet writing this fic at around 10:30pm and its now 3am so please excuse any mistakes etc and let me know if there are any!

Summary: James has had feelings for Niki for a long time now. He never ends up confessing tho and one day the despair hits him so hard he gets himself so fogged with alcohol and drugs that Niki has to come and save the day once again. Meanwhile James finally opens up about his feelings.

Silverstone

The roar of engines filled the air at Silverstone as James Hunt pulled his helmet off, shaking his golden hair free. James leaned against the pit wall, he glanced across the pit lane as his gaze fell on Niki Lauda, cool and composed, discussing strategies with his team. There was a magnetism to Niki that James couldn't quite shake off, a quiet strength and an enigmatic presence that drew him in.

James found himself watching Niki more than usual. Every precise movement, every calculated decision, and the sheer determination etched on his face fascinated James. He wondered if Niki ever noticed the stolen glances, the lingering looks. It was a fleeting thought, quickly buried beneath a brash smile and a casual shrug. James Hunt wasn't the type to dwell on feelings, especially not feelings as confusing as these.

"Hey, Hunt," a voice called, snapping him out of his reverie. It was one of the mechanics. "We filled her up. Ready for another round?"

James smirked, masking the tumultuous feelings inside. "Always am."

But as he climbed into his car, his mind still kept wandering to Niki.

Monaco

The glamour of Monaco was intoxicating, with its sun-soaked streets and opulent yachts. The competition was fierce, the stakes higher than ever. Yet, James found his thoughts straying towards Niki. They had become rivals on the track and, somehow, confidants off it. There were late-night conversations, hushed and intimate, where they shared dreams and fears over drinks.

One such night, James almost blurted it out. They were on the deck of a yacht, the sea breeze ruffling their hair. Niki was talking about his plans for the next race, but James couldn't focus. His mind was racing with words he couldn't say.

"I admire you, Niki. More than you know," He managed, his voice thick with unspoken emotions.

Niki smiled, a rare, genuine smile. "I know, James. I feel the same."

The words hung in the air, open to interpretation. James' heart pounded, but he said nothing more. The moment passed, leaving him with a bittersweet taste of what could have been.

Belgium

There was no reason for him to be this happy. After McLaren made changes to the car it became difficult to drive and James ended up lurching all over the track, holding other drivers up, and eventually retired with gearbox failure.

As the race ended and Niki emerged victorious, James found himself clapping louder than anyone else, his admiration barely contained while his engineers just scoffed at him in disbelieve. He didnt care though. He stopped doing that a long time ago.

Zandvoort

James often caught himself watching Niki, thinking about what might happen if he took the leap and confessed his love.

But he never did. Instead, he masked his feelings with a reckless lifestyle—partying, women, and substances. Each time he saw Niki's determined face, the longing in his heart grew stronger.

The celebration after James's latest victory was in full swing. Champagne flowed, laughter echoed, but James felt a hollowness inside. Across the room, Niki was engaged in conversation, his sharp features softened by a rare smile. He was talking to Marlene, a beautiful woman who seemed to be the only one who could break through Niki's stern exterior.

James's heart ached. He downed another glass of champagne, trying to drown the jealousy and longing that gnawed at him. What if he had taken that chance, back in '73? What if he had told Niki how he felt?

Watkins Glen

James stood in the shadows, watching Niki with Marlene, her laughter ringing out like a melody. He turned away, unable to bear the sight, and retreated to his hotel room. He saw them together often, and each time, a part of him shattered, and James cursed himself for never having the courage to confess his feelings. He never dared to hope.

Trying to numb the pain, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol and drugs. The party raged on, but James felt increasingly isolated, lost in his thoughts.

Tokyo

The neon lights of Tokyo painted the city in vibrant hues. The race was over, the celebration in full swing, but James was nowhere to be found.

In his hotel room, James poured himself another drink, the alcohol mixing with the drugs he'd taken earlier. The room spun around him, memories of races, laughter, and stolen glances merging into a painful blur.

He wondered what might have been if he had confessed his love. "What if I told him?" he muttered, downing most of his freshly poured drink "What if I just told him I love him?"

What-ifs and could-have-beens crashed over him in relentless waves, each one more unbearable than the last. His vision blurred, hot tears spilling over and streaming down his cheeks.

James collapsed onto the floor, staring at the ceiling as a sob ripped through him, raw and guttural, shaking his entire body. He tried to wipe at his eyes, but the tears kept coming, a torrential flood that refused to be stemmed. His fingers brushed against his cheeks, smearing the tears, mixing them with the alcohol he spilled.

Each sob grew louder, more desperate, as if he could cry out the anguish that had settled deep within his soul. Arms wrapping around his knees, he curled into himself, rocking back and forth in a futile attempt to find comfort.

His breaths came in ragged gasps, the pain in his chest tightening with every exhale as the room around him seemed to dissolve into a haze of sorrow, the shadows closing in, suffocating him with their presence.

The desperate banging on the door was muffled at first, almost as if it were part of the whirlwind in his head. James barely registered the noise, consumed entirely by his grief. It grew more insistent, a rhythmic pounding that seemed to match the frantic beat of his own heart. He heard voices calling his name, but they were distant, like a dream slipping away.

The door swung open with a force that startled him, and there, framed in the doorway, stood Niki Lauda, breathless and wide-eyed. Niki’s face was a mixture of confusion and concern, his eyes wide as he took in the scene before him.

James looked up, his vision swimming through the tears, and saw Niki standing there, silent and stunned. For a moment, everything froze. The banging on the door had stopped, replaced by an eerie silence that seemed to stretch on forever. Seeing Niki there, so vividly present when he’d only imagined him in his sorrow, was both a comfort and a fresh stab of pain.

Niki took a step forward, his eyes never leaving James’s. “James,” he said with a forced calmness, the name hanging heavily in the air. “Scheiße, James, what happened?”

"I'm sorry," he choked out between sobs, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm so, so sorry."

He didn't know who he was apologizing to—Niki, himself, the universe. It didn’t matter.

James tried to speak once more, but the words caught in his throat. He could only stare up at Niki, his emotions laid bare, his sobs a stark admission of his despair. He wiped at his face, trying to regain some semblance of composure, but the effort was futile. The weight of his sorrow and regret was too much to bear.

Niki knelt beside him, his expression a mix of sadness and empathy. He reached out a hand, carefully pulling James into a sitting position, supporting him with a firm but gentle grip. “I’m here, alright? We’ll get through this.” he said, his voice steadier than James’s own trembling hands. “Just… just breathe. In Gottes Namen was tust du dir nur an.”

James clung to Niki, his sobs finally quieting and his breathing slowing down. The room still spun, but now there was a lifeline amid the chaos.

Niki stayed with him, the weight of unspoken words hanging between them, but in that moment, the silence was enough. They sat together on the floor until Niki was convinced James wouldnt fall over or start sobbing again as soon as he let go of him.

He helped James to his feet and guided him to the couch, ensuring he was seated comfortably before moving to fetch a glass of water and some painkillers.

“You can't keep doing this to yourself. Ich kann nicht immer da sein um auf dich auf zu passen." Niki murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. " You need to stop this—drugs, alcohol. You’re destroying yourself."

James’s eyes followed every movement of Niki’s. His gaze was unwavering, even as he struggled to stay conscious. He was too weak to respond verbally, but his eyes spoke volumes, filled with a mix of regret and adoration.

Niki moved about the room, tidying up and picking up the discarded bottles with a practiced efficiency, cleaning the mess and making sure James was well enough to avoid a trip to the hospital. Despite his frustration, there was a tenderness in his touch, a silent promise that he wouldn’t leave James in this state, no matter how much James had hurt himself.

As Niki worked, James began to whisper to himself, his voice barely audible over the sound of Niki’s movements and his own ragged breathing

"If I had the chance to start over… the first person I’d seek out would be you, Niki."

Niki froze for a moment, his hand hovering over a dirty glass. He looked down, catching James’s eye for a split second. There was something in James’s gaze that made Niki pause, his heart aching despite the anger he felt.

“I should’ve... I should’ve told you, should’ve taken the chance while I could” James continued as he looked up into Niki's eyes “I would’ve done it right this time. I would’ve told you everything. I would-”

"You need to drink your water." Niki interrupted harshly as he turned to put the glass and the empty whiskey bottle on the counter.

“I’m sorry,” James whispered again, his voice breaking. “I didn’t... I didn’t know how-”

Niki leaned in to check James's pulse once more but remained silent, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of James’s emotions. The weight of the words that James had never said lay heavily in the room.

In a halting voice, he continued, "I... I love you, Niki. I've always loved you. And I know I've messed everything up, but if I had another chance, I'd do it all differently. I'd do it right."

For a long moment, Niki said nothing, just knelt there, processing the words that hung heavy in the air. He finally shook his head slightly, as if to clear his thoughts, and resumed tending to James, his movements a little gentler now.

Making sure James was settled in bed, his head resting on a pillow and a glass of water within reach, Niki turned to leave, casting one last glance at James.

“Rest, James. We'll talk more when you're sober. I’ll be around if you need anything." he said softly, his voice lacking its earlier harshness.

He turned off the light and quietly left the room, leaving James alone in the darkness.

James lay in the darkness, tears streaming down his face once more. He had finally said it, but it felt like he had lost everything. He clung to the hope that maybe, somehow, he could fix things. But for now, he was alone, begging the universe for a chance to turn back time.

The room was silent, save for his whispered plea, "I didn’t mean for it to be this way. Please. Please, let me go back. Let me fix this."

But the past remained unchangeable, and James was left to face the consequences of his silence, his heartache echoing in the empty room.

[zstargalaxy]

Heard you're new to Tumblr, welcome!

I love the Twst x Pokemon MC crossover so much.

So, take your time with this one. How would the Heartslabyul boys react to finding a Flabebe for a first time. As in they have no idea what it is and thought it was some kind of fairy?

I think plenty of cute moments could happen in that situation but I wanna know what you think.

Me too! I have a perfect few scenarios in mind, though i might make them short, i will try to make them pleasable and full of fluff! :)

TWISTED WONDERLAND x POKEMON

HEARTSLABYUL x Flabebe MC

♥️BEFORE MAIN STORY♥️

Believe it or not, Riddle was the first one who had found you.

You were still a young bloomer fairy type and was kinda hungry when you were wandering and admiring the lovely rose maze that had surrounded the Red Dorm.

You didnt know how you got there in the first place but you didnt seem to care for hunger had taken over your senses, which had lead you to the window of the kitchen in the Heartslabyul dorm.

At the time, Riddle wasnt Dorm Leader yet so he had meet you through he's time of duty to paint the roses according to the rules of the dorm.

The then first-year was taken back at your sudden appearance at the rose maze.

He had heard and are aware that there are fairies that roam around Night Raven College but dont exactly approach students directly.

So imagine he's suprise when he had saw you.

You didnt look like any fairy he had seen or heard.

He might probably think that your a some kind of garden fairy with how your so drawn to the roses.

But some how, one thing led to the next with you two becoming quite inseparable after you were curiously looking at him as he work.He couldnt stop himself from thinking how cute you are when you tried to copy him in painting the roses red.

Especially on trying to carry a paint brush that is to big for you.

Heck, you even follow him like how little ducklings would do with their mom.

Of course, Riddle wasnt very comfortable at first but he quickly gotten use to your presence which is kinda unlike him.

He already knew the consequences of slacking off on he's studies but...He couldnt force himself from being apart from for some reason.

Along with the rest of the members of the Heartslabyul Dorm.

Many were in shock to see the first year being followed by some kind of fairy, especially how fae can tend to act around humans but your cuteness is just to much to resist!

You found this place very wierd to be honest but in a fun way!

You love how big the space is for you to fly around.

The garden outside with all it's red and white roses were beautiful.

And the tea parties and unbirthday parties were the best!

The previous prefect and vice even decided to secratly made you an honorary little garden fairy of the Heartslabyul dorm.

Even after Riddle became Prefect, he still let you kept your title seeing as it fits your helpfulness around the dorm.

Though, still young as you are, didnt understand what does that mean but you knew that you are gonna show them that you are a big girl!

You celebrated by letting out sparkles around Riddle and soon the whole tea part participants with smiles and laughter around the area.

Of course, Cater and Trey were also among the suprise Heartslabyul students.

You reminded Trey of he's little siblings back at home, especielly when you help him with the food for the tea parties and trying to sneakily eat a piece of dessert without him knowing.

He soon learn that you somehow like honey when he was using some for some pastries and when you gotten yourself coated in it when you try to open the jar.

But he also appreciates your determined helpfulness around the dorm despite your small stature.

Perhaps thats what makes you and Riddle relate.

Trey cant help but let out a bittersweet smile at the thought, but nonetheless, he is happy to see he's friend happy once more.

Cater found you so adorable! Instantly taking pics of ya in Magicam that soon have hundreds of views and likes from how cute you were in the shots.

He even taken videos of you using your "magic"/moves around the garden.

You love how cheerful Cater isn especially when the two of you play togather when painting the roses, he is one of your favorite best friends! (Along side Trey and Riddle).

Oh how he wish that you were he's little sister.

You view Riddle as your Mommy/Big brother.

You two are always togather and everyone in the dorm knows that.

Of course, Riddle will not neglect in teaching you the 810 rules of the Queen of Heart's dorm so that you wont broke them.

You didnt understand most of them nor remember all of them but you tried your very best to make Riddle happy.

And it paid off with some of the dorm residents calling you as the 2nd vice prefect with you are always by he's side and always report him about someone who is breaking the rules.

This was during he's first year so he wasnt exactly that hard core in the main story.

But you also didnt always tell him who had broken the rules.

You made sure to remind the person about the rule that they had or about to break by circling around them with some kind of sparkles or pollen since they cant understand you.

By doing this, they knew the message right away.

And whenever a Heartslabyul students are gonna brawl it out and that Riddle isnt gonna use he's UM on them, its you with your "magical" pollen that makes them instantly and made them calm and relax.

When summer came, you cried a river when Riddle told you that you had to stay.

It breaks both of your hearts but Riddle cant let he's mom knew of you, he cant lose you too.

Many of the residents let out bittersweet bye and you giving out a "Flabebe!" as a goodbye to them as they left for summer break.

Cater made one last pic before promising you with the other residents that you all will come back soon.

Trey even left a cake for you before he left for home.

As soon as they left, the dorm was empty.

Of course, you continue watching over the garden but it wasnt the same.

You always eat Trey's cake alone during late nights, even crying out a river with fat sad tears as you wonder why they didnt bring you.

You asked Arcerus above why they didnt bring you.

Soon, curioisty gotten the best of you as you pull your white fairy flower to go explore the campus that you barely got to see.

Due to this exploration of yours, you had meet the other fairies in NRC that were all doing their thing when you had approach them.

The fairies were suprise to see such a young of their kind in such place.

This place is too dangerous for someone as young as you.

But they cant help but wonder what type of fea are you.

They can feel that you are a fea but dont what kind.

Yet nonetheless, the fairies quickly took you in as they kept you company through out the summer.

Some even were disgusted and horrified that the studnets of your dorm had left you, a fea toddler, on her own.

They made a promise to lecture them about it.

♥️MAIN STORY♥️

Riddle, Trey and Cater happily beam at the sigh of you happily flying towards them in your flower as you joyfully dance around them and the new students with your pollen as to welcome them (back) to the dorm.

Riddle indulge himself, for once since he's return to him, to finally relax from such a tiring and troublesome day had during the ceremony earlier with a certain cat and magicless character.

The older dorm members smiled and greeted you as they had missed you during the summer break but the 1st years had expressions if shock and bewilderment at the sight of a fea-like creature greeting them upon entry at to their new dorm.

They had the same expressions and thoughts like Riddle and the other students like him had when they first see you for the first time last year.

During Riddle's introduction to the new members about Heartslabyul and that they should be obligated to the rules of the Queen of Hearts, he gastured towards you as he tell the 1st years that you are the dorm's personal garden fairy and that they shall treat you with respect aswell.

Many of the 1st years who are aware about the nature of feas were shock, considering how feas dont exactly approach or even like humans to the point of becoming their personal helper but the whispers were quickly shut with a single glare from the housewarden as they all were now disperse for now.

During that night ,when it was bedtime, Riddle rock you to sleep just like he did last year as he made sure to keep you comfortably cozy on the pillow that you always sleep on, with both of you content during your slumbers.

A soft smile grace your little mouth.

Oh how you had missed this and you hope he will never leave you alone again.

During one night, you had spotted a student with a heart on he's face light at night with a fridge wide open, allowing lighg through the dark late evening as he was about to eat one of the tarts that you helped Trey with for the upcoming Unbirthday party.

Alarmed, you quickly float towards him and made gastures to make him stop eating the tart before he would get into any trouble with Riddle.

Ace, the one who is eating the tart, was suprise like among he's fellow first years when he had first saw you but currently, he is hungry so he tried to shoo you away or tell you that he was hungry, in which you understand but Riddle would get mad!

Yet Riddle found out upon entering the kitchen and collared Ace right on the spot.

You let out a sighed at your failed attempts to stop him, feeling quite sad that you failed as you tried to follow the first year until Riddle had stop you, telling you that you no longer have to worry about Ace any longer and that it was he's problem and he's alone but Riddle quickly brighten your mood by offering some honey since you did caught Ace on the act.

He quickly pulled you and him back to bed as he did he's usually routine with you before going to sleep, but this time he allowed you to sleep on the same bed togather, cuddling away into the night.

You officially meet him, Deuce, Yuu and Grim was when you stubbornly follow Trey to the kitchen, considering that you wanted to go out of the dorm and finally take a small break from your little work.

And made sure to keep he's not gonna prank the noobies like he had done to ya with the oyster sauce.

Yuck.

Deuce had seen and heard about you so he was very excited to meet such a cute fea, especielly how you kinda act like small child or sibling that wants to help in doing big jobs like he had with he's mom.

He enjoy he's time of decorating the tart with you, especielly on the whip cream part where you have cream all over you as you lick it all up from your tiny hands with happy squeaks and giggles and when you helped in calming him down by spreading your pollen all over him to relax he's anger over the delinquents.

Grim were shock to see a fea, a baby/kid one nonetheless, but didnt think anything special about ya but did ended up having a small competition with you on the chestnuts.

Yuu thought you were adorable, liking how you helped around in making the apology tart for Ace to give.

Ace thought you were like Riddle, since he had seen you always by he's side but he cant deny the help (and reassurance) you gave for him to apologise to Riddle.

You had sent out Fairy wind when Trey had done the joke.

The sight of several collared students in the lounge area was horror to behold, as you tried to chear them up with some of your small party tricks and spread some pollen to help them relax abit...

But if only it had worked on you aswell.

When the day had finally come....lets just say it there were alot has happened and it was just the beginning.

You never had seen Riddle act like this before, never in your life have you had seen such rage and anger that he had displayed right before your eyes as you hide behind Trey and Cater in fear.

As the Adeuce and Ramshackle duo had been kicked out, you tried to follow them to only be stopped by Riddle to just let them be and after what you had seen him, you hesitantly oblifge but decided to stay abit away from him out of fear.

And soon after that, Riddle and you have been very distant with the former no fool to the situation yet didnt seem to try to explain to you as you two started to drift away more and more with you even started to sleep more with Trey to avoid him.

Your friendship with Riddle strained even more after he had insulted Ace and Deuce during their tournament for the Housewarden position and to overthrow him.

Was this the Riddle you know? Why was he acting like a meanie? Why was he so...so.... Was he just...pretending?

Despite the tears spilling out 9f your eyes, you quickly stood against him and used all your attacks against him.

Riddle was taken by surprise, along with everyone else, as he was knocked over and hit by your attacks but he was able to collar ya aswell after he had lift up he's pen through the attacks.

It was hurting.

Your prickled tears finally spilled into full on waterfalls as Riddle even insluted as to why he even let you be in the dorm with how you are acting like them aswell.

That was the final straw for Ace to hit a punch.

After the whole Overblot mess, Cater quickly had came to you with your still intact flower in hand as he soothed you through your frighten state as you hiccup here and there with tears.

Riddle quickly apologise to you after he had remembered of what he had said to you.

He apogise and apologise with tears at how he had insulted you, the first perso who had gave the same feeling that he had with Trey and Chenya in a long time.

You two hug it out in a tender embrace as Ace kept on rambling that he's crying wasnt enough for an apologise with the others watching you and Riddle but you both ignore it for now, enjoying the needed hug to your hearts contents.

{BONUS!}

"Catch him! CATCH HIM!!!"

Che'nya giggled as he carried you away to go off to RSA with very angry Heartslabyul students chasing you two down throughout the whole dorm.

"Nya~ Riddle need CATch up, hihihihihi~" the purple cat beastman chuckled, making you look up in confusion of what does he mean by that "What do you mean mister kitty???" You asked, floating your way up to he's face to level up againsg him. He only giggled as he hold you and your flower gently in he's hands to get both of you away even further to continue your little game of chase that he had started when he had "kidnapped" ya away from the revenge unbirthday party.

"You will learn soon, little Alice. You will learn soon~ ;3 "

Sorry that itvwas pretty long. I got carried away and had so much ideas that i wanted to put and limited into this work so I am sorry for the lengthy writing but I do hope that you enjoy it :)

[k1yamaluvskaiser]

✩‧₊˚ heart to heart ... ( by mac demarco ) ☁ s. nagi x gn!reader ☁ ೃ⁀➷ notes // highly suggest listening to it while reading <3 i linked it to the title !!

late night minecraft shenanigans with your beloved, nagi seishiro.

❝ angel... y'know i'll always wait for you to fall sleep first... ❞

you let out a long, frustrated sigh, for what felt like the umpteenth time that evening.

hearts4seii_ was slain by allmightsasshairs using texassmashyomama

that makes 187.

allmightsasshairs : BWHAGWAHGDWAFGHJEA allmightsasshairs : DUDE THIS BITCH IS SO ASS I CANT LOL miiwa.xx : give it a rest lol ur still using the same shit hacks to kill her hikaxruu_ : hacks?? LMAO u could kill her with just a wooden stick

you aggressively typed out a long, rage-fueled response in the chat box, before taking a long pause and completely deleting the entire paragraph.

it’s fine. i'll just finish the house for seishiro, and leave. besides, they’ll leave me alone soon enough if i stay quiet, anyway. snapping back would only add fuel to the fire.

or, so you thought. as you pressed on the respawn button, your eyebrow twitched upon finding out that the player had destroyed your bed in your base, therefore resetting your spawn, all the way back 16,000 blocks away.

nevertheless, you exhaled deeply, and kept your composure.

sometimes, it amazed others how patient you were. you’ve been at this game of minecraft for 6 hours now, and you didn’t plan on stopping, even if your bedside clock clearly displayed the time of 3AM. you were determined to finish the lovely little home that you had turned a beautiful lush cave into, for your beloved boyfriend when he joined tomorrow.

although those players were teaming up on you and killing you for fun, you blatantly ignored them each time and continued to build the base without saying a single word to them.

after travelling an agonizing 16,000 blocks to the spot you died in, you sighed in relief as you picked up the items that were dropped when you were killed earlier.

okay, i’m almost done. it’s just a few more finishing touches, then i can finally slee--

your eyes focused on the once so beautiful scenery before you. the dimly lit, silent and serene lush cave that you spent six hours building, was destroyed.

engulfed in flames, doused in lava, and swarmed with every kind of mob in the game. the base that you worked so hard on was completely demolished.

you frowned, and immediately left the game without a word, too pissed off to even get angry at the players. you slammed your laptop shut and tossed it onto the carpet beneath your bed, tugging the covers over your head and huffing as you shut your eyes.

unbeknownst to you, a certain someone was wide awake the entire time. watching you play, for the last six hours, ever since he slipped into your sheets and cuddled up into your side comfortably. he watched, from the corner of his eye, with his face snuggled up and hidden in your arm.

nagi seishiro observed as you, his wonderful, patient and determined girlfriend, built a beautiful home for the both of you to share in a silly little block game. even with the other players bullying you and your weaker and less-experienced self, you didn't give up even once.

it somehow made his heart flutter.

upon seeing the scenery encapsulated in nothing but ruin, he saw the look of disappointment and hurt in your eyes. he couldn’t help but share the feeling when he witnessed you finally quitting after all those hours of perseverance.

when you had fallen fast asleep in his loving embrace, the sneaky boy gently tucked a pillow in your arms to substitute his presence as he sat up and took his own laptop into his hands, launching the game on his own account.

hearts4y/n_ has joined the game. allmightsasshairs : oh look whos back on her alt LMAOO

hearts4y/n_ burned to death.

allmightsasshairs : HAHAHWHHAA allmightsasshairs : U DIED IN THAT LAME BASE DIDNT U

miiwa.xx was slain by hearts4y/n miiwa.xx : WTF?????

hikaxruu_ was slain by hearts4y/n_ hikaxruu_ : HUH

hearts4y/n_ whispers to allmightsasshairs : give my girlfriends stuff n fix her base allmightsasshairs : oH sO SCarED LMFAOO NO WAY SHE GOT HER BF TO FIGHT ME RN

allmightsasshairs was slain by hearts4y/n_ using last warning or ill leak ur ip

allmightsasshairs : wait what the fuck?? allmightsasshairs : WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM hearts4y/n_ : 3. hearts4y/n_ : 2. allmightsasshairs : u cant even get my ip u pussy hearts4y/n_ : kanagawa looks nice. i should pay a visit sometime. allmightsasshairs : WHAT THE FUCK hearts4y/n_ : must suck living right behind a creek. probably smells like shit 24/7 allmightsasshairs : OKAY OKAY IM SORRY ILL GIVE THE STUFF JUST PLEASE DONT LEAK IT HERE hearts4y/n_ : fix her base. hearts4y/n_ : return it to how it was before you trashed it. if even a single block is off, ill leak your ip on every social media platform that exists on the internet. allmightsasshairs : YES OKAY I WILL IM SORRY

nagi yawned as he set the laptop on his bedside table, leaving the device open to monitor the player rebuilding what he had destroyed. he turned over on his side to face you, before wrapping his large arms around your smaller figure and pulling you into a spooning position.

you stirred awake from the sudden movement, rubbing your eyes as your boyfriend pressed his face into the top of your head, inhaling your sweet, soft scent. the sweet boy let out a light whine when you pulled away from his embrace.

‘sei...? why’re you up, baby? ‘s something wrong?‘ you cooed in a raspy voice as you cupped his cheek, brushing away the small strands of snow white hair in his face. “mm... yeah. i saw the place you made for us, pretty. ‘t was gorgeous, jus’ like you.“ he murmured, watching in amusement as your eyes widened at his remark.

you sat up in revelation, staring down at the cute, sleepy boy who griped at the complete loss of your warmth.

'you were awake the entire time...?' "'f course, angel. y'know i'll always wait for you to fall sleep first."

when you caught eye of his open laptop behind him, you giggled lightly. your nose and ears were no doubt dusted with a light shade of pink as you laid back down, trying to think of just what this menace did to get your bully to restore your creation. your big, 6'2 boyfriend wrapped his arms and legs around you, no doubt trapping you in his chest, but you didn't mind a single bit.

you could be trapped there forever if it meant keeping this cute, scheming boy that you could proudly call yours.

a/n ; lets all pretend this drabble ended just as scrumptious as the main idea of boyfriend!nagi protecting u and ur cute aesthetic builds in mc and not with the bullshit ending i randomly typed out pls i have writers block rn idk what im doing

[banggyu0308]

I- I literally can’t stop thinking about this, ada, but Over stim nerd Soobin x bitchy mean girl yn … I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN FOR THIS TO BE THIS LONG !!!!

Yn wasn’t the typical rumor spreading, shit talking “mean girl”. She more so fell into the term of sadist… she tried to practice being nice to people that she knew could give her some type of advantage socially but deep down she loved to cause pain and havoc on people that she knew couldn’t stop her and she relished in the way they’d beg for her to stop with tears in their eyes. She managed to get through high school masking the urges, feeding her needs by acting out petty acts of bullying on unassuming subjects but it wasn’t enough. By the time she started university, she had to see what it felt like …what it felt like to truly ruin someone. Someone like him. Choi soobin.

They had a couple classes together in high school and they both just so happened to get into the same prestigious college. The last time she saw him, she saw just a linky, awkward kid with no form of self confidence but now she saw him as something different… something malleable , a toy all for herself that she could play with and break as she pleases. He’s just as tall and awkward as she remembers although his shoulders were more proportional to his body and he got a new pair of black framed glasses. Yn giggled to herself after seeing the new frames, remembering the time two guys took his glasses off of his face and broke them in front of him in high school. she watched the act as she crouched behind near by bushes. She didn’t understand why at the time but she felt some kind of heat brewing in her lower stomach that made her press her legs together tightly, watching him crying over his broken eyeglasses. But not an “I wish I could have helped” heat, this was an “I wish I could do that to him” heat , a “I would have done something far worse” heat. From that day forward , A day couldn’t go by without her thinking about breaking him down to the last molecule and making a mess out of him, leaving him a crying, moaning puddle.

Yn never was the best at social interaction, she could make people feel seen and heard and all the little things being a friend entails but she never truly cared about people in any meaningful way. But she had to come up with a way to make Soobin think she meant it, “a virgin like him probably cum at the lightest touch of a girl. Getting close to him shouldn’t be difficult” she thought to herself. Yn made it a point to herself to slowly sit close to Soobin during lectures and ask him for pencils once every blue moon as to not scare him, because there’d be plenty of time for that later. She was calculated in every move she made. She couldn’t deny the fact every move she made towards Soobin excited her. Getting to see his ears and face flush red , the way he’d nervously adjust his glasses. She couldn’t wait to rip this man to shreds.

After 2 weeks of slowly building up trust and familiarity, yn finally felt the time was perfect. She was going to touch him, nothing crazy she just needed to touch him. She walks into class that day making sure to wear her vanilla scented body oil, she remembers the way he reacted the first time she put it on . Awkwardly sliding a notebook onto his lap , he curled over his desk slightly not trying to make it obvious, breathing like he lost his breath somehow just by sitting there. That was the kind of memory that kept yn up at night putting her pillow underneath her and riding out the feeling. Just until the pressure went away however, never letting herself cum. she only wanted to finish to the real thing.

That day She sits directly next to him for the first time. Soobin nervously shifted in his seat. After the lecture finishes up and people start to grab their bags. She goes straight for the kill and swings her body towards him and grabs his hand as he writes in his notebook so he has no time to pull away. She spoke softly into his ear, her lips brushing against him every few words “soobin” his whole body tenses “come to my room tonight, 304 in the east building.” She smiles against his ear “I missed class yesterday sooo I wanted you to show me everything I missed … everything” she kitten licked his ear before pulling away making him hum in an attempt to muffle a moan do to the fact he was hard ever since he smelled the vanilla on her. “Also …don’t touch yourself before you get there” she smiles and grabs her bag , leaving Soobin there hard and speechless, walking out to prepare for her guest later that night.

Part1

-🌱

GAVGYUHJWKHSIUWJS???????? LIKE- I KNEW YOU HAD IDEAS- BUT LIKE- THIS- HWJBJXKN

IM GONNA READ PT 2 RN- BUT PLANT ANON, THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING-

[jjaysontodd]

Xyx x reader angst

prompt:  “i can’t do this anymore.“

word count: 1k

content warning: none 

angst to fluff ( i was gna make it pure angst but i rmbed how much i love this silly fellah)

You knew, you knew how much he hates clingy people. He hates it when people push him to open up. You knew that so well. 

So you never asked him to open up, you kept telling yourself “its fine i will wait for him”.

But it was always you talking, always you starting the conversation and him playing along with it. 

You were starting feel sick of hearing your own voice. How could anyone even like listening to me when i cant stand my own words? 

It was always the same topics, food, video games and what is the next big adventure. 

You look at xyx but you never see him.

He talks but never speaks.

He always manages to somehow make sure the mood is always upbeat, like sadness could never exist when he was around. 

You sat on his bed with your head hung sadly. You were starting to feel sick and tired of how everything is going. You wanted more of him but you were afraid you would push him away. When did it became a crime to show him how much you love him? Were you being clingy, annoying or even selfish? These thoughts circled around your brain. You kept trying your best to be the partner he wanted. But do you even know who you are anymore? 

As you were swamped with depressive thoughts, he walked in merrily. But stopped in his tracks when he saw you depressed. 

“doll, is everything alright?” He asked with concern.

You were so tired of eveything, and this was the type of tired that cannot be cured with a nap. You couldnt even open your mouth to reply, the gravity of your feelings weighed you more than you could imagine.

You managed say silent as a whisper “I can’t do this anymore”.

Xyx eyes widened in surprised and he asked again “What?” in a quiet voice.

You looked at him, feeling terrible so you redacted your statement.

“Sorry, it was nothing.” you say quickly, trying wipe the tiredness of your heart with your hands.

“No it wasnt nothing, you said you cant do this anymore! Are you breaking up with me?” He asked with a slow pain forming in his heart.

“Answer me! Did i do something wrong? What is it?” He asked unable to be wait for your reply.

“I love you xyx” you said quietly and he looked taken back and a little calmer.

“But you put a distance between us, it’s always there. Im holding your hands yet i can feel an invisible wall between us. You push me away and i know you do. Maybe you are not comfortable being open with me or you dont want to take this relationship serious. You want to keep it light hearted. But im tired because i feel like im clingy and selfish if i ask more of you. I want to love you more but i always fear my love is suffocating. I know i can be too much, sometimes i wish i can have distance from myself too” You reply with your eyes looking to the floor. This was terribly difficult for you to admit, your insecurities to the person you love the most. You wanted to show your good sides, the best version of yourself.

Upon hearing you speak, xyx felt heart shatter. Thunderstorms brewed in his head. How could he have let you feel this way? Did he say you were clingy? How could his lover think that their love was suffocating? If anything it felt like warm fire engulfing them in a cold night. He sat next you quietly and pulled you into a hug.

“I’m sorry, my love.” With that sentence alone was enough to set you into a sobbing mess. You hugged him back and held his shirt tightly. You didnt want him to leave, not ever.

“I tried- i tried so hard so you would keeping being in love me, but i dont even know who i am anymore” You say in between sobs. He looked into your eyes wiping your tears.

“There, there. I know, i know you try harder than anyone for me. Im sorry i left you feeling like you werent enough. That you think it would be clingy for you to ask me to talk more about myself or that you thought i was playing with you. I am so sorry, doll. I just wanted you to be happy when you were around me so i kept pushing off the more serious matters. I didnt want you to feel sad about my past.  I love you enough to be vulnerable with you. I love you more than that too. It was a terrible habit of mine and it made you feel inadequate. I am sorry.” He said sincerly.

“Tell me if you had a bad day, ask me to be there for you. Dont take it all on your own. I dont care if your ‘ruining the moment’ or whatever. If you are sad, i want to know. I feel terrible knowing i was happy when you werent. I want to be there for you” You say with the words getting all choked up in your throat.

“I know, i know doll. I’m sorry, I’ll do better from now. But i could tell you the same thing, please dont try to be perfect for me. You can show me who you are and i will still love you. Love is a choice and i would choose you a million times, no wait a trillion? what was the largest number again? zillionth times.” He says with a chuckle. His joke earned a smile from you.

“What I’m trying to say is, if you want more of me, i will give you more. But you should give me more of you too. I want you to tell me before you get tired like this, okay doll?” He says quietly, looking into your eyes with adoration and warmth.

“Yes” You say before falling into his chest and hugging him back. He thinks you’re adorable when you shy away from his eyes.

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Vega Latest Audio Thoughts

Im going to put in under the cut for those who can't listen yet and don't want spoilers. (Ik that feeling.)

MY HUSBAND IS BACK FINALLY I MISSED HIM SO MUCH!!! I love him and i want him to step on me im so fucking glad hes here im sobbing

I feel like Warden is settling more into their personality now. At first they kinda gave off a timid vibe since they were trying to fit in with humans and not appear as a threat. Then there was that moment they snapped at him. When they get frustrated, they lash out. And here we see it again. Vega is shooting down their ideas, so they call him stubborn instead of considering why he's shooting them down. It's his fault.

He calls them Darling when he's not upset with them or something. Then it turns into "My Warden" I'll be your anything.

Vega my poor baby had to go through so much. I'll kiss his boots to make him feel better.

ALSO THE LORE MMMMM!! DELICIOUS

Vega had to fight in the cocophany and he emerged before then. And he was one of the voices that spoke out. He's definitely old. Also does that mean that he was one of the first rebelling demons? (Wouldn't it be daemons then since everyone was a daemon until the sovereigns split and then the serenity and empathy kept the term daemon in rememberance of the sacrifice?)

What cost did daemons have to pay to feed? O.o

So the meridian didnt exist until the sovereigns formed it? But before then, they were running experiments on humans... so wouldnt aria have eclipsed or whatever with elegy?

He severed a Sovereign's spellsong? O.o (hmmm wonder where we heard that term before... HMMMM)

HELL YEA LETS GO TO CLOSEKNIT AND FUCK SHIT UP

What stronger power? The sovereigns im guessing. Or what if this is where Hush comes into play? We know he's prolly strong as long as there's a conduit.

Plot twist, Blake's listener's death is going to be at the hands of Vega somehow. Blake did say their death was coming and he was out of time. First listener death owo? (/hj)

Vega baby, im like a face hugger. You can't get rid of me. Stop fucking trying. Morals dont exist in our love. Lets murder children idc. JUST LET ME LOVE YOU

Wait... we weren't in Dahlia this entire time? WHERE TF ARE WE?

Outside of simping... I wanna talk about the manipulations

The whole complicit thing? It's a subtle urging them to stay. He's told them everything that he plans to do. Even if they choose to leave, they're still incriminated. They're tied to him and his actions.

Firsthand accounts are difficult to give without making the other party feel a sense of guilt. Kind of survivor guilt type of things. Did you feel like you needed to apologize as if you were at fault? Not just from sympathy? Well there you go.

There's more but im too feral to remember.

[cator99]

There was this super strung out young faggot sitting across from me on the streetcar on my way "home" he kind of looked like me but lankier with a weaker chin and a slight overbite same overgrown sloppy unstyled brown hair and at first he didnt look at much specifically just all over the place in that dazed way at his arms and shoes and the floor out the window at his hands and phone not like at the screen but he had the flashlight on and kept looking at it for whatever reason but he did look at me every once in a while in a way that indicated he was having some sort of coherent thought. The look briefly conveyed "recognition, understanding, familiarity", and then just as quickly fluttered away. He was absolutely blissed out nodding out and then waking up every 5 seconds fucked up droopy gaunt body slouched over wriggling with every start and stop of the car every inch of his arms covered in healed scars and cig burns just real fucked up but with those kind of sweetie pie thousand yard stare doped out eyes and a dim wit dipshit smile sloshing around inside a valley of too many pimples. When a giant gay muscle daddy (undeniably the type you'd see at a gay bar wearing a gaudy head to toe leather outfit, only now he was wearing his casual "out running errands" clothes) got on the streetcar, the guy seemed startled, and leaned away, grasping the edge of the windowsill beside him with both hands, while staring totally unblinking, fixated on the man. He fidgeted with his face. The older man pretended he didn't notice. It was hard not to notice the erratic fucked up little guy enamored by the man. I stayed on the train a few stops past where I needed to go just to see what the little guy would do next, if anything. He just kept staring, wide eyed, suddenly alert, scared, transfixed, yet somehow also more crumpled up and... shy? Sheepish?? He looked like he wanted to crawl inside himself and disappear inside his shame, yet only managing to draw nothing but the utmost attention to himself by twitching and staring at the man.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

you called me a friend and that has given me the courage to step out of the anon mask lol

YEAH EXACTLY. HE SPENT THE whole day looking for his daughter and then reliving painful memories! i felt so bad for him

cheers to living life as hopeless romantics lol

I KNOW RIGHT, (studying psychiatry just for them if we lived in that universe)

JERSEY. im not kidding, i spent like a week being emotional over the jersey ending, my parents were genuinely concerned 😭

nani has a Father Face!! yes!! and i've spent an embarrassing amount of time watching his interviews, and he's SO GOOD WITH KIDS. it's so cute honestly

yay for intellectual conversations via tumblr asks!! i've been overanalysing this movie almost constantly in my head for the past 4 days so this was really fun, ily <3

fun fact: i wanted to know when you replied to my ask, so i kept having to open your account, right? so after a point i just typed "gay" onto my searchbar to find your account lol

another fun fact, i was scrolling through your desiposting tag bc it was fun and saw "saturday night fever" and. i haven't heard this song in years, okay, i didn't even remember that such a song existed in that movie. but it still instantly played in my head with A Tune, and i googled the song to see if i remembered the tune somehow or if i was just making stuff up, AND IT WAS THE RIGHT TUNE. sure brain. remember all random tunes but not the shit i study for exams.

fellow pjo fan!! hi!! and i love your opinions on taylor swift!! FRIEND!!!!!

i apologise for the oversharing but i have very recently found telugu people on tumblr and i'm Very Excited, if you need me to back off, pls lmk and i will!

welcome to the other side............................!

2. I KNOWWWWWWW they really put nani in The Most situations ever give the man a break !! they need to put every character in counseling immediately after the cameras stop rolling

3. 🥂🥂 its tough but its real

5. NO WAYYY that is so funny but also <33333

6. HE ISSSSSSS when he did krishna gaadi veera prema gaadha and played with the kids all the time...................... where can i find a man like him fr

7. awhh i love you too<33 i always love talking about movies its so so fun

8. LMAOOOOOO honestly this is the end goal and vision. my moniker is gay as it should be and the universe is right

9. RIGHT its such a sleeper agent song i never remember it Until I Do. but yeah at that point i didnt know when i could go back to india and i remembered we would sing it while running and it made me Emotionanal. but i got to go back which was nice!! different problems but it still feels good to go home

10. omg!!!!!!!!!!! we are holding hands and skipping in a circle............ FRIEND!!!

11. no youre COMPLETELY fine i do the exact same thing<333 you dont need to back off at all, its incredibly fun to talk to you !!!

[ipodtouchtouchtouch]

sleep paralysis and inviting negativity in

i experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. immediately after waking up from it i sent a voice message to my roommate and my girlfriend telling them what happened. i felt like id been attacked in the night, not like id woken up from a dream. dreaming is not so common for me since i smoke so much weed. but most of the dreams i do have are nightmares. i think those just stick out the most. a typical nightmare for me includes lots of teeth falling out anxiety. its stress in my life manifesting when ive not been addressing it properly in my waking life. theres honestly many things in my life i dont address properly. i should make a list of those things probably. but i will do that later. my sleep paralysis happened on a monday night. the week prior my roommate and i had an honestly traumatic experience together involving a show at our basement venue. it all centered around this lana del rave we hosted. but this subject i absolutely can not get in to. it did though bring a lot of negativity in to our lives. i honestly havent cried that much since deciding to drop out of college in january 2020. its almost certainly what brought on my sleep paralysis. or invited this demon in to my bedroom. or whatever it was. bad energy. my sleep started off all wrong. i fell asleep sitting up watching true detective season one sexy matthew ma con a hey idk how to spell it with my roommate. after that i decided it was time to put myself to bed. but i couldnt be bothered to wash my face or brush my teeth as these days ive been hopelessly depressed. went to bed in my dirty sheets with my dirty face and dirty teeth... in an effort to save myself from being a complete failure. i put on the crystal bowl sound bath chakra healing vibrations album on spotify and set it to repeat. i fell asleep to the crystal bowl vibrations really easily. at first i had normal type dreams. i was in my middle school cafeteria but for some reason it was a high school reunion. i was wearing a backpack and feeling embarrassed about it. my old classmates tried talking to me but i couldnt speak because i kept stress eating candy and then stress chewing on the wrappers and drooling everywhere. i think at one point i was trying to answer a facetime with my friend who lives in new york. then the scene changed. i walk in to a room that is bright and all white with a backdrop hanging, a camera, clothing racks. a man and a woman are standing in the middle of the room waiting to greet me. i looked right at them but i dont know what they look like. "congratulations" they said "you made the call back" i felt very sick suddenly. i told them that i didnt feel well and asked if they would pick my outfits for me. then i laid down under the clothing rack to rest. as they were pulling clothes out above me the man pulled a knit sweater off the rack. it honestly kind of looks like this sweater we sell at urban outfitters. as he pulled it out the yarn began to unravel. it tangled around my neck somehow and the more he pulled the tighter it got around my neck and it felt like a rug burn as it choked me. i tried to yell out "stop, stop, stop" over and over again but i couldnt really audibly yell. this happens to me a lot in my dreams. as im getting over the fear of being choked and start to realize that im dreaming i wake up. i open my eyes and im laying in my bed. but i am not actually awake. it is still a dream actually because i rolled over in bed to see that someone else was asleep on my right. i felt so scared honestly exactly how id feel if i experienced this in real life. i didnt remember falling asleep with anyone. did i black out drunk was a thought i had. i reached out to touch the person in my bed, they looked small i thought maybe it could be my friend em. when i touched their back this person or thing sat up abruptly and began to shriek. that is not em i knew immediately. it felt like it was screaming in fear like id startled it awake. as the high pitched shriek continued another figure that i had not noticed rose up from the end of my bed and began to shriek as well.

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay

[strwberrys0da]

i dated a psychopath. here’s what happened (i changed names for anonymity)

content warning: coercion, SA, SV

tldr: my ex boyfriend used my trauma to his advantage. i was too scared to be emotionally vulnerable to my friend ryan about it. i knew he had feelings for me but i always kept him at a safe distance. i missed my opportunity, he stopped responding to me. please dont wait to tell someone how you feel.

“what happened to you?” was one of the questions i avoided from ryan.

i was betrayed in the worst possible way. after my fiasco with dating cade, i got close with my at-the-time bff —> boyfriend. [redacted] mirrored my personality to make us seem so similar it ‘was fate.’ all the lies he told me… it took years to fully process what happened in that relationship. in the beginning, [redacted] was the man of my dreams.. everything i looked for in a guy he was. at the end of our relationship, his shell chipped away and i slowly saw the real [redacted]. he lied about everything. his past, his parents, his interests. looking back i dont even know what his true personality is. [redacted] suddenly became cold towards (only) me. he was slowly pushing me away. i think he did this to ‘soften the blow’ and try to make things work out like he did in the past. i felt there was something off when he broke up with me but said “i still love you. and i’ll love you forever. our relationship is deeper than romance. we’re intimate on a spiritual level” type shit. CORNY! he then wanted to see me ‘as a friend’ but he would just love bomb me. one night i confronted him about this lovebombing and what he said. somehow he made it seem like i was the crazy one and i should’ve known better?..

the frosting on the sundae was when i opened up to him about my experience with my ex boyfriend cade. i expressed how i was drugged and visibly too high to think properly. i was at my house with my ex boyfriend cade and our mutual friend james. i had a panic attack when the drugs kicked in. instead of helping me, cade and james laughed at me and told me to just stop crying. it was my first time getting high and i didn’t expect to panic the way i did. it was clear that i was too high to think straight, which led to sa. i told this story to [redacted].

to put the cherry on top, before i dated [redacted], we bonded over “similar stories of sexual violence.” after i would disclose a traumatic event that led to ptsd, he said the same thing happened to him with his ex girlfriend. literal propaganda of this girl i didnt even know but he tried to make a barrier so i wouldn’t ever b close to her. making up stories of sexual violence is below rock bottom. that’s like.. psychopathic behavior. since he knew about my trauma with cade, [redacted] knew how *not* to abuse me. instead of being overt about it… he disguised it in his fake personality. he would use coercive ways to try to be intimate with me. at the time, he was my best friend/boyfriend and never wanted to hurt me. i later realized his ex girlfriend he claimed sexually abused her… when i asked [redacted] about it, he would say “how could you think that about me? why would i ever do that? you know me, i’m a good person. it’s all lies; she was my abuser.” i heard what (at the time felt like) rumors about how he was abusive, so i asked [redacted] about it. he got so upset when i tried to ask about it. turns out he r4ped her. he convinced me he was the victim in this relationship. this fucking shattered my soul.

i became friends with [redacted]’s other ex girlfriend. we made amends and i apologized for ever believing [redacted] over her. i explained how he was a constant liar and changed his stories to fit his narrative.

going back to ryan, i avoided his question because in the past, i’ve had people use my trauma against me to get what they want. i was scared of being vulnerable enough to get hurt. i built up this wall so i wouldn’t get close with new people. i tried to avoid that feeling by coping with drugs and casual hookups. i always knew ryan had feelings for me. i told him i had feelings for him (on snapchat), then deleted the app. i was planning on deleting snapchat for a while but this gave me a reason why i should delete it.

months went by, i was finally ready to commit to a relationship. turns out he blocked me on imessage. i missed my opportunity to truly be honest and open with him but i guess he got tired of waiting. i’ll miss him. probably forever.

my apologies if it’s hard to follow, i wrote this in one try and i’m too lazy to proof-read it.

[kaatu-sirukki]

a story similar to the time i drunk texted

it was a cold night outside that kept sakata gintoki in his house. random days of the month kagura tends to go on family trips with her biological father and shinpach is usually never seen at night. otae offers from time to time for gintoki to stay over at their place but he hesitates to take up the offer. in the end he doesnt want to be indebted to them (though theres countless times where he has been indebted). usually on the nights alone he tended to go to pachinko parlors wasting the hours till he had to go back home to sleep. it was a mundane routine but such routine was what kept gintoki from thinking too much.

he sat on the couch, the tv at a quiet level droning out any uncomfortable silence that lingered in the place. he had a bottle of sake next to him which he was too lazy to find a cup and decided to drink it from the bottle. the tv was playing titanic, not that gintoki was paying much attention. the lack of a cup blinded the amount of sake he was consuming almost a half a bottle in by himself. he knew that if he kept going itll bite him back in the ass later (especially because he and shinpachi have a small job assigned for them in twelve hours) but this far in he stopped caring.

he grabbed his phone. usually he doesnt use the piece of junk, he thinks that its hard to maintain and is hard to communicate with. he scrolled through his contacts, the first name that popped up was gorilla. gin made a mental note to himself to delete that stalkers name from the phone. he kept scrolling ticking off mentally on who would pick up and who would be a weirdo.

he landed on the name “TOSHI.” he doesnt remember adding hijikata’s number to his phone which made it more intriguing to call and bother. he manages to type out “hey what are you doing” double checking it a few times before clicking the send button. he places the phone down and waits.

‘how does kagura do it….’ he wonders his stomach full of butterflies in fear of the response his phones gonna give. his mind has already produced a thousand different scenarios from how hijikata will respond ranging from the man sending nudes to him barging in with the shinsengumi to arrest him for indecency. to be fair, he wasnt acting indecent (yet) just curious and want to catch up with the only one he knows of his age, or so he mentally gaslights himself knowing deep well that he wanted to see a reaction from the latter. he hears a small “ping” from the phone and his hands fly to reach for it.

‘?’

‘finished patrol.’ he gets two messages back to back.

‘lets talk’ he types and waits

‘no’

‘lets talk’ he tries again

this time he gets a call from TOSHI.

“hello-” gintoki starts

“this better be serious and good news that your either dying of your sugar addiction or that your ready to commit seppuku” he hears the man say angrily. gintoki lost the mental gamble and got hijikata toshiro (annoyed) a said toshiro that wouldnt kill you in an instant like hijikata toshiro (angry) but would watch you die with a smile on his face.

“come over” he tries to say nonchalantly. he would rather die then let hijikata know that hes actually scared shitless because of what the other is capable of doing

“im not some whore” he hears him scowl on the line

“lonely” he only says one word. hes not in the right headspace to mess around with hijikata. he wants something wether it comes from his ‘sworn’ enemy or not.

“im coming” hijikata picks up the difference in gintokis voice immediately. he knows him too well to know when hes serious and versus when hes not. he knows him too well that if hes serious something bad is going to happen or has happened.

hijikata uturns out of the house and back to the car. he barely made it inside when he got cryptic messages from a number he didnt even know he had. and somehow the same number was the one making him drive to a different city at 11pm when he could have gotten to bed and been two dreams in. the roads are empty so hes able to make it faster and he slowly climbs the stairs up to the apartment. he knows that gintoki isnt an idiot to not hear the faint creeks up the stairwell but he still fears that someone might be watching them. the door is unlocked and he calls out for his name.

hijikata with adequate sleep would never make a choice like this to just show up to the person he ‘swears he hates’ house. but here he is. maybe internally he didnt hate him or maybe internally he was lonely. he wasnt fond of sex or love. his times have only been at shinsengumi parties where the shinsengumi hired sex workers. usually he has to be drunk to the point of forgetting to have sex. to him nothing mattered enough for him to do, unless it involved his cigarettes or mayonnaise.

he hears gintoki walk to the front of the door, hair more disheveled as normal and stumbling his way forward.

‘hes been drinking’ the latter wonders only to get the half drinken bottle shoved to his face. he hears gintoki giggle a little.

“oi i dont know where the cups.. the cups are. just drink this from bottle” he manages to slur out the words. it seems that the alcohol was hitting harder then a twenty mins back when he got the phone call. he feels gintoki put his arms around his shoulders as he drags him to the living room with a dimly lit candle and a television light for luminosity. he sits on the floor leaning his back on the wall as he feels gintoki place his head on his shoulder.

hijikata’s body is tense. the air felt too intimate for the usual nature of the two.

“wheres china and glasses” he manages to say

“kagura is… shes uh with her dad….” gintoki pauses to collect his thoughts. “pachi is with otae” he says.

he gets why he feels lonely.