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revenant-dumpster-fire · 3 years

Text

Warm (Revenant x Reader)

Theme: Reader comforts Revenant after a somewhat brutal loss in a duos match as Revenant becomes concerned with his image.

Warnings: Mentions of mania, mentions of depression, mentions of suicide, threats of violence, graphically described violence, pain, sharp objects, borderline sexual fluff.

Reader's Notes: Revenant (Apex Legends) x Reader, reader is non-gendered in this chapter, this is getting romantic but hasn't crossed the line quite yet, reader will eventually have to be gendered (but I'll hold off as long as possible).

Writing Notes: Compliments give me fuel. Lot of development this chapter, more characters. I feel like this is increasingly revealing of who I am as a person, so I'm glad I'm anonymous.

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The Apex Games are brutal. It's a miracle these people can be suspended in death boxes and sewn or pieced back together after what happens to them. You've heard murmurs that some of the visual brutality is simulated by an AI for the cameras while the much less damaged person is imprisoned in a deathbox, but you are not so sure of that. It looks too real, and the Legends seem way too accustomed to pain and morbid destruction for it not to be. You are desensitized to a lot of gore and snuff yourself, but you've come to know the Legends just well enough to shudder when they are disemboweled in front of you. When you first started volunteering to help, you remembered being endlessly relieved the first time you saw them all return from the medical ward.

Even though you know they will likely be fine, you whimper as Bloodhound takes an apparently fatal blow from the favorites for this duos match: Loba and Bangalore. It isn't very often that random chance creates such an iconic duos pair, but it's happening today and the cameras are loving it. The cameras have been so fixated on these two that you haven't seen night or day out of Revenant. According to the trackers on the screen, Revenant is still in the game, but his teammate--Fuse--was knocked out of the match early on. Knowing those two, they likely agreed to drop hot--in an area with lots of combatants. While it's a good way to get kills, it's also an ideal way to get killed. From previous matches, you have the impression Revenant will drop hot if his teammate or teammates agree, but he won't do so otherwise. Fuse is absolutely the type to agree to dropping hot. You worry for Fuse even though you are certain he will be back tomorrow or soon thereafter, ready for more.

Loba and Bangalore have used their combined skills to gather long-range sniper weapons and considerable kills so far this match. Bangalore is able to use her abilities to create confusion and draw combatants out from cover, and Loba could create or close distances with her warp band while also gathering excessive amounts of high-level weaponry, mods, and armor to make them all the more terrifying. They pulled ahead early in the game, and now they feel unstoppable. The cameras watch as they run across Olympus' beautifully groomed grass towards the next team to victimize.

You feel like you're not doing what you should be doing. Did Revenant really just want you to watch the match today? Shouldn't you do something helpful?

You get yourself to the edge of the bed, hop up, and start to make it. It was so perfect when you hopped in yesterday, you want to try to make it equally as perfect. Your legs no longer hurt, and you feel well-rested despite Revenant's creepily watchful eyes. You take a deep breath, stretch backwards, and get to making the bed. You will have to go to your volunteer bunk and change soon. You wonder if you will have to move out of the volunteer area--even though it's small and cramped, it's been your home for a few years now. Your coworkers feel more like roommates, varying from cool but introverted to outgoing but overbearing. You like all of them, and you have the unusual standing as one of the longest-running volunteers, staying through off and on seasons to keep things functioning. You don't want to lose them, or the only home you've known for a few years.

Gunshots ring out on the television, Loba and Bangalore are taking shots at another team fight from afar. You see the symbol for Lifeline pop up as knocked, then eliminated. Caustic's name pops up next. Finally, Revenant came up as knocked, but not eliminated. You can't help but panic just a little, but Revenant apparently had a self-revive and is moving again, fleeing the area as Loba gives vicious chase trying to make up the distance from sniping. Revenant is in bad shape, he has been fighting solo for a while, and Loba knows he is practically a free kill at this point. You're afraid this is going to turn into another Loba versus Revenant fight, a favorite of the audience due to how ruthless they both are with each other. You don't like them fighting. You don't like seeing Loba be nearly beheaded or gutted, and you don't like seeing Revenant be slowly but surely tortured to death. There is no alternative ending with those two. It's always violent, and Revenant doesn't stand much of a chance at this rate. He clearly knows that.

You stare at the television breathlessly, trying to make the bed without looking away. Loba is hunting, and Revenant is unable to keep enough distance. In a last gambit, Revenant manages to break line of sight, launching his silencer into the doorway of a bunker and then intentionally running into the opposing bunker. Loba falls for it, as she makes an immediate path for the bunker with the silencer, opting to take the back door. It buys Revenant enough time to use a Pheonix Kit, a piece of equipment that restores his shields and health completely for a much fairer fight.

Hell is about to break loose.

You plop down on the bench having finished the bed, unable to look away. Loba and Revenant meet eyes from within each bunker through the small windows on each side. Loba looks infuriated at his newly rejuvenated state. Revenant's look is too intense to be smug, it truly is a mechanical malice undescribable by any other terminology. These two loathe each other. The spectators roar in excitement at another bloodbath between the lovely but deadly master thief and her mechanical antagonist, the commentators giving a short review of the last time these two met on the battlefield.

Revenant, now unafraid of the odds, immediately dashes to close the gap between their bunkers. Loba flings her warp band in his direction, landing behind him, and immediately getting two Mastiff slugs in his back. You cringe at the sight. Revenant turns to meet her fire with his Volt, but Bangalore's lobbed smokescreen fills the area before his shots meet. Bangalore had been lagging behind Loba, but she was close enough now to take shots again. You hear Loba's Mastiff take a number of more shots in the smokescreen, the Volt returning fire. Bangalore calls in her Rolling Thunder, cascading aerial bombardment all throughout the smokescreen. Revenant manages to break free of the now-fading smokescreen, trying to escape the explosives, but it was clearly Bangalore's intent for him to do so. With her well-equipped Longbow, she manages to snipe Revenant, knocking him to his knees.

Loba was soon looming over him, waiting for the camera to catch up. The crowd chants and screeches waiting for the gore. There are no microphones on the Legends themselves, but you can tell that Revenant is cursing her as she comes over to finish him. You wince, you don't want to watch this, but you feel you have to.

Loba kicks his head hard enough to knock out any human opponent, sending him to the ground. His mask is cracked open, revealing the copper lining underneath and the wiring for his optics. He stays grounded, glaring at her with an unspeakably vicious hatred. He faces his demise with just as much malice as he had moments earlier, perhaps even more. She goes in for a direct stomp, plunging the five-inch tall heel of her shoe into and through Revenant's left optic. You grimace at the horror of it, wanting to cover your face to escape the imagery. Revenant's body lurches backwards and writhes in pain, grabbing aimlessly at his face, screaming so loudly that the drone camera picks it up as his vocalizations crack and become inundated with static.

Revenant isn't eliminated. Revenant is treated differently than the human and more finite combatants. His deaths are of no consequence, so he isn't protected from them. He can just come back, over and over. So the cameras roll and he's left to suffer whenever it makes for better television. The most bloodthirsty fans have always loved this double-standard, but you are beginning to revile it more by the moment.

Loba spits on him, taking a moment to parade to the crowd her triumphant moment. Revenant's last remaining optic is dimming uncontrollably, but is still locked on her when she returns to finish the job. They lock eyes for a moment. You don't know the details--nobody does--but it's clear they have some kind of history where all the hatred stems from. Revenant looks away in acceptance of his defeat, and his neck is immediately clamped down on by her heels. With a single twist of her leg, the cracking noise of his head being forcibly freed from his torso rings out. You want to vomit.

Revenant is only now considered eliminated, his husk of a chassis lying nearly in two pieces, his head twisted perpendicular to his torso. The crowd is absolutely ablaze. Loba reaches down, tearing the scarf off his head and holding it triumphantly in the air, looking as if she just scalped her kill. Bangalore shies away from the cameras herself, she's clearly ready to move on. Loba revels in the violence, just like Revenant does, but there is something especially malicious between them.

You feel the nausea taking hold even stronger. Revenant is someone you know now. He's shown you kindness, and you've become very fond of him. You can't say you know him extremely well, granted, but well enough to feel empathy for his pain. Watching him essentially have his skull broken, eye gouged, and neck severed is a lot to take. You could literally see the excruciating pain in his body language when his eye was stomped out. They shouldn't allow it. The moment a human life is in danger they get deathboxed. Only now that Revenant's body is dead and vacated of all living code, as well as the audience thoroughly satiated, does Revenant's corpse get deathboxed. He managed to fight his team all the way to seventh place alone. Loba and Bangalore continue on, the cameras lovingly cataloging their sweep.

You get up and turn off the television, sheepishly use your new ID to leave the room, and head to the volunteer bunks. It's the middle of the day, so nobody is around. A note on your bunk reads "Worried about you! Let me know when you get back. -Sherry". You scribble back, "Sorry Sherry, had a special request I had to run, need to talk later. Text me." and place it on her bunk. Sherry is the de facto leader of the volunteers, here since day one of season one. You know each other well. She doesn't pry often, but disappearing for a night is really out of character for you, so you don't mind it this once. She will know if you're allowed to stay in the volunteer bunks or not. You gather your things, just in case, and haul them to Revenant's room. You only have a single duffel bag of clothes and toiletries to your name. It has been that way since you found yourself on the streets years ago. It's easy enough to carry, but some amount of sadness still lingers in you as you haul your only worldly possessions in a single bag. The Apex Games gives you year-round work in exchange for a place to live rent-free. The Legends who tip well basically keep you at a decent wage for the hours. So despite not having much to your name in terms of assets, you now have a bank account with enough value to move on if absolutely necessary.

You use the badge to open Revenant's door. It dings satisfactorily, and you dump your bag on the floor. You're not leaving the area until he's back. You already decided. You're in some stage of denial after watching him die, but simultaneously you cannot be in denial if he always comes back. You shake your head, the nausea fights for its throne in your gut. You grab a change of clothes out of the bag and head to the bathroom in the far left corner of the room.

As you enter, you see a mostly untouched bathroom, spare for a strangely out-of-place comb, shaving cream, an old-fashioned razor blade, and the mirror smeared opaque with dried suds--likely from the shaving cream. None of those items make sense. Not a single one. Why was the mirror so filthy? Why did a simulacrum have shaving or hair brushing tools? You consider that it might be a coping mechanism, but that doesn't explain the mirror. Whatever, you'll clean it in a second. No need to make a big deal out of it all.

Halfway through changing, you lose your battle with nausea. You don't have anything in your stomach, a fact you quickly realize as you lurch over the toilet. Just stomach acid. What a violent and terrible death. You know he feels just as a human does, it's not his fault he isn't as fragile. It's so unfair. You stand tall, having expelled the worst of it. You finish putting on your "I'm not feeling it" shirt, and make a quick orbit to the duffel and back, picking up your toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash. You clean out your mouth thoroughly, trying to fight off the taste of acid.

You finish up, leaving your oral care items behind to take your dirty clothes to the laundry room and grab some mirror cleaning supplies while there. Since you know how to fully clean down a room, you figure it is within your ability to completely clean Revenant's room. Maybe Fuse's too, these cleans tend to be quick and efficient when you perform them.

• • • •

"Hey, oh my gosh, where were you last night?" The text comes in as you're hauling the cleaning supplies to Fuse's room. It's early afternoon, you'll be done with this before it even begins to get dark.

"Hey, sorry, I had a special request. I didn't mean to worry anyone. I'm cleaning Fuse's room now." You text back, hoping Sherry will meet you here and help wrap up even faster.

"OMW" The text comes in only moments after.

After a few minutes, you hear Fuse's door open. Sherry is a petite blonde woman in her early twenties. Despite her longer, curly hair, she is otherwise not too dissimilar looking from Wattson, her favorite Legend. They have a good relationship apparently, Wattson regularly jokingly adding "request for mon Sherry" to her requests, a play on "mon cherie" in French.

"I didn't see a request for Fuse to have his room cleaned, did you delete it from the system?" Sherry was always on-task.

"Oh, sorry, no, I kinda needed something to do." You look up from changing the bed sheets, "Do you mind giving me a hand?"

"Sure, but there are tons of requests you could have taken, why make one up?" She walks to the opposite side of the bed, nabs the sheet, and looks up, locking sights on your ID.

Her shock is immediate and silent. You notice that she has noticed.

"How did you get that..." She trails off, her head clearly running at max capacity with various theories.

"Revenant gave it to me." You answer blankly. "I don't know what to do."

Sherry stares, her expression becoming increasingly appalled and concerned.

"What... what happened last night? You didn't like... "earn" that, right? I mean, you didn't trade for it, did you?" Her expression grimaces further. "Does he even have the parts for that...?"

You suddenly realize what she's saying, and wave your hands to snap her attention.

"No! Nothing like that! He sees me so often he wanted a personal lackey instead." You see her expression soften for a moment before it snaps back.

"Then where were you last night?"

"Wha--?"

"You heard me, where were you then?"

You stare at the floor, unsure if you can lie so blatantly to her. She stares at you for a moment.

"One moment you're depressed, then next thing I know you're manic, then you disappear for a day and a half. Is this some kind of new suicide plot you have? Seduce a murder robot?" She seems genuinely worried.

"I promise it's not like that! I was exhausted! I accidentally fell asleep when I brought him water--"

"Why did nobody call the paramedics? If you passed out, you should have been given a health check! Why didn't that robot call anyone?" She genuinely cared about you, she was a good friend, through and through.

"Uh, well, I kinda slept in his bed."

Her face went from worry to one of shock and morbid concern. Her knees buckled for a moment and rectified themselves as she cartoon-ishly tried to process her thoughts.

"You see, I guess he's taken a liking to me, and he saw how tired I was, so--"

"So you slept with him just so you could get a break? You should have just asked for time off! You never take it! I would have given it to you!" She was clearly upset.

"It didn't happen like that!" She had a tendency to catastrophically think, so her mind was already five steps ahead of you in the worst possible timeline. If you could stop it now, hopefully it wouldn't continue.

"Wait, why are we changing Fuse's sheets? How many robots and people have you slept with?!" she dropped the sheets at a complete loss. Too late to stop her mental train, it was already off the rails and burning in a ditch.

"Sherry! Pay attention! I didn't do anything with anybody. I just passed out in Revenant's bed, and he decided not to kill me but promote me instead because he's Revenant and he does what he wants, even when it makes no sense to anybody. I didn't even see Fuse yesterday, I just figured I'd clean his room since both him and Revenant took a heck of a loss today." You didn't often get loud, so when you did it tended to garner attention.

Sherry sighed.

"Yeah, that sounds more like the truth than my insane theory." She rests her face in her palms for a moment. "So, uh, I guess you and Revenant are friends now?"

"Subordinate or lackey is probably a better term, but he actually is nice to me! Aside from all the threats..." You trail off, wondering if he means it or if he simply is keeping up his persona.

"Well, congratulations on becoming the homicidal robot's plaything?" She wasn't wrong. Actually, her term was probably more accurate. "Please don't get murdered. I didn't get you out of that homeless shelter just to deliver you into the hands of a bloodthirsty robot with a fascination for evisceration. I'll feel so bad if you die..." She trails off, catastrophic thoughts ablaze. "Just quit!" She perks up with her solution.

"He's not going to kill me, and if he does, it's not your fault. I'm choosing to do this."

She sighs, and starts making the bed with clean sheets, unsure of how to argue, or if the argument is worthwhile.

Sherry was the one you reached out to when you heard that you could work for the Apex Games in return for a bed, bathroom, food, and basic healthcare. She picked you up at the homeless shelter, and helped forge some fake credentials on your resumé at the time. She cleared you herself, pretending as if she never met you before and calling your previous "boss" who was actually just a very confused telemarketer, resulting in getting you the place and position you have now. You've always thought she's an upstanding person; her maternal instincts sometimes getting in the way of her letting people make their own choices freely though. She felt like an older sister to you.

"Please tell me you're at least getting paid. Without the tips from the other Legends, how are you going to keep saving up?" She asked weakly, finishing up by fluffing the pillows.

"Uh, well, I haven't asked yet... I actually meant to ask if I have a room still." You answered, a bit dumbfounded you hadn't considered that before.

"What?! Did you think this through at all?" She burst, but quickly softened, "Of course you still have a room, there should be a door in the back of every Legend's room with the same kind of bunks as we have. Those are for you special folks. It has a bathroom and everything."

"Ah, good, I kinda wish I could stay with you guys, but..."

"...but your new robot-boyfriend is calling you?" She breaks her melancholy with ruthless teasing, just like an older sister. "Yeah, I'll need the space for a new volunteer, definitely."

"I figured as much. Always running on short-handed here." You're a little relieved the choice is made for you.

"So, I'm guessing you now have all Revenant requests, now and forever?" She chuckles a bit. "You somehow take the biggest demotion and consider it a promotion. I can't believe you like dealing with that guy."

You banter back and fourth, finishing up Fuse's room. It'll be nice for him to come back to a clean room, especially considering how his match went that morning. Sherry promises to come around this part of the building more to keep an eye on you, swearing she will kick Revenant's ass if he does "whatever murder-bots do". You go your separate ways, laughing at each other's stupid quips.

• • • •

There is a door at the back of the room. Sherry was right. It is intentionally made to camouflage into the wall, as well as the scanner that opens it. You hold your ID up to it, hear the positive chirp, and the door slides open to reveal a nice small room and bathroom. It's a private bedroom embedded within Revenant's. The door now freely slides like a pocket door to open and close, apparently you only need to activate it once to get access. A nice little bed, a nice little dresser, and a nice little bathroom! It reminds you of a super tiny hotel room, everything is compact but still a notable step up from shared bunks. You breathe deeply, inhaling the smell of a fresh new room. You haul your duffel bag in and toss it into a little cubby under the mattress, and boom, you're moved in! So easy!

Revenant still isn't back yet though. You wonder how long it will take for his new chassis to activate and return here. You wish so badly to know how he is doing, but it is impossible to know. You grabbed some snacks from the kitchen alongside dinner with Sherry, so you have food to stress-binge on if necessary. You figure laying down for the night can't hurt. So you hit the lights in Revenant's room, leaving it to only be lit by the rising moonlight overhead through the skylight. You sneak into your little cubby of a room, flipping the lights off as you slide the door shut behind you. You don't have any skylight, in fact, your ceiling was about 6 feet or so shorter than his, making it much more average. Granted, his room is massive, but you are happy with your tiny private closet. It is so cool.

You fall back in the bed. Soft as can be. Same as his.

Sleep takes you very quickly.

• • • •

You wake up to an inhuman screeching. You jolt up, making yourself panic further as you check your surroundings and recall where you are. You're alone in the little bedroom, the screaming is from the other side of the door, in Revenant's main room. It echoes in a uncanny valley between human despair and mechanical detune. You leap out of bed and rush to open the door to see what is wrong.

The door slides open and you see Revenant, his mask and jaw tilting in opposite directions to replicate an open mouth, revealing a disturbingly black void where his mouth would be, no headscarf, howling in some kind of agony under the moonlight. It sounds so sad, so sorrowful. The pocket door clicks as it reaches its full open position, and Revenant's eyes lock on as soon as the sound is registered. His instincts are instantaneous. His howl slowly fades as he uses up what's left in his artificial lungs, his eyes never breaking from yours. The sorrow leaves him, his jaw slowly closes, and his stature returns for a moment.

"Are you okay?!" You ask him.

He hides is face and his body motions like a person who is sobbing for a few moments, but he doesn't. He couldn't even if he wanted. He regains himself quickly, walking up to you blankly.

"Hey, uh, are you oka--?"

"Keep me warm, skinsuit." His voice shakes as he pulls you into him in an embrace.

He is extremely cold, but his metal parts start to sap your body heat immediately. He is alive. He is new, but alive. You wrap your arms around his small abdomen, slipping under the pistons that hold up his large torso. You squeeze harder than you mean to, giving away that you are genuinely worried about him.

"I thought you left." He admits shakily, still not wholly able to hide his emotions. "I didn't..." He trails off. He places his hand on your head, messing with your hair a bit, until you gaze up at him. He looks down at you in the eye and you see something familiar. Disbelief. "You stayed."

You don't have words. Words mean nothing anyway in moments like this. You squeeze him tighter and he winces a little. You realize his abdomen is probably the least protected area of his body, and even you might be able to hurt him with the wrong touch. You lean forward and bury your face into it anyway, you're pretty sure you can feel a pouch through the leather skin that acts as a stomach receptacle, but you're not sure.

Revenant's body shakes a little like he cannot hold back tears, but as a simulacrum, he has none. You hear a sorrowful moan instead that is quickly stifled. Despite his persona, he has a very human personality.

"Come, keep me warm." He pulls you away for a moment so he can move again, then grabs your wrist and pulls you to the bed. The bed he never used. "It's easier with insulation." He rips the blanket off of it, wrapping it around you both in one sweeping movement, and sitting on the edge, pulling you down with him.

Your face flushes hot red. This is unlike him. He notices, and you swear you see a little bit of a pink glow on him too. He definitely had been flush during his stunt on live TV before joining the games. Insane to think they built that functionality into a mask. He grunts and breaks eye contact.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm just cold." He pulls you into his lap before you can say anything in response. "I have an easier time cooling down with fans than I do heating up. I'd have to run really stressful code to do that and using you is so much easier."

He redirects you to face away from him, and as soon as you do he sucks you in as close to him as you can. You're practically inside of his giant, looming frame. His breath rattles a little in his artificial lung pumps. His hands grapple around your hands while holding the blanket taut, holding them in balled fists and trading his cold for your heat. His vocalizer sounds as if it's giving a deep growl, closer to a purr, almost too soft to be heard, but not quite.

His new chassis smells a little more like plastics, metal shavings, and leather than the previous one, which had been muddled with the scent of dirt, grass, and polish. It's so cold, he must have only just made it inside. You wonder how far he had to run to get back here.

His head lowers to rest his face into your shoulder. You rest your head back on his. For a moment, this creature is just the same as you. Human.

He stays there, humming and purring and enjoying the moment. His body is no longer cold at all, he is now reflecting your heat back at you and feels warm himself. You carefully turn your head and push your face into the side of his mask where his ears would be. His head perks up a little for a moment, just long enough to catch his dumbfounded expression and pinkening cheekbones before his face retreats into your shoulder again. He squeezes you close, grappling your fists as if to never let go.

You sit there for a while, until finally you feel his cooling fans click to life. He lifts his head off your shoulder.

"Thank you." He says as he releases you. He looks away, clearly trying to hide from your gaze. You don't get up. You keep staring in his direction, hoping he will give in and turn to you. But you are both stubborn.

After a long while, you stand up in surrender, but place your hand on his unclothed head, petting it once, just for good measure. His hand rises to cover his face.

"Please go back to bed, I'm sorry for scaring you." He says in an abnormally low baritone, trying to hide himself further.

You surrender. It isn't worth prying away his façade when he isn't ready. He had already shown different colors than he did most of the time. This was scary, but in an unexplored territory sort of way. You weren't giving this exploration up after a single expedition. So it is best to rest up and not overextend.

You retreat into your little closet of a room, sliding the door gently shut. The moment it shuts completely, you hear Revenant move around rapidly. He's normally so silent. You recline into your bed, happy to be as warm as you are. You fall asleep almost instantly.

• • • •

You wake up, no idea what time it is. The room doesn't have a clock, maybe a bit of an oversight on the decorator's part. You get up, lurk over to the bathroom, and start performing your daily routine. Brush the teeth immediately, get the gross overnight flavor out of it. Strip and shower, thankfully there are already towels in the bathroom. Brush your hair while still damp after trying to get it as dry as possible with your towel. Deodorant. Grab your clothes. You put on something a bit nicer than yesterday. Finally, you're ready for whatever.

You waltz over, and knock on the door to make sure he won't be startled.

Instead, you hear a surprised grunt, scraping metal, and hushed curses against the door. You quickly go to open it, thinking he may be hurt, but the door is locked. You hesitate, dumbfounded. The Legends can lock people in like prisoners if they want to. Your attention snaps back as you hear the lock disengage, and the door flies open before you can move it. Revenant faces you, somehow looking a little disheveled.

"Were you outside my door the entire night...?" You ask, still fairly shocked.

"Doesn't matter." He absolutely was. He spoke hurriedly, potentially a little embarrassed. But he recovers his slow speaking pace quickly. "I should have just let myself in, I feel like I missed a great episode. Do you know what you said last night? Some pretty exciting gibberish."

"So you were against the door all night."

"Dammit, skinsuit!" He throws his arms up and turns away from you, towering over the doorway too short for him to enter comfortably. "You should have just slept out here. You know I get bored."

"I didn't think you wanted me to, you acted like you didn't."

"Well, I didn't really care!" He cared immensely, apparently. "I just needed something entertaining to keep my mind off yesterday." He crossed his arms, and began to meander over to the computer desk.

"I'm sorry, I wish you had told me."

"I was in a bad mood, just forget about it. It's fine." He tapped away at the computer, letting out a depressed sigh. "That scene from yesterday has all of Loba's fans riled up. They're posting it everywhere." He covers his face with his hands for a moment, motioning in embarrassment. "I can't believe I let that happen. I would have been better off letting Caustic gas me earlier."

"You were outnumbered, you did the best--"

"I'm getting my damn scarf back." He refused your comforting words, flinging himself to his feet and trudging out the door in a huff. You go to follow, but he whirls around, pointing straight to you, locking you in a glare. "You stay away from Loba, understand?"

He pauses, waiting to hear your reply.

"Uh, okay, I'll try to stay away from her."

While not an entirely satisfactory answer, Revenant whips back and disappears from sight. You sigh aloud. If those two have some kind of long-running hatred for each other, it would probably be best if you didn't get in the middle of it.

You peer over to the computer. He's right, Loba standing over his dead chassis holding up the scarf is everywhere. Loba fans are absolutely enamored by the triumphant image. Revenant fans openly mourn, swearing revenge. Loba and Bangalore apparently took the win, finally fighting down the second place team of Wattson and Rampart. Sherry will be miffed that Wattson had the spotlight and win taken from her. Although, now knowing you're on team Revenant, she probably will spare you any of her rants.

You stare at the image. It makes you overwhelmingly sad. Right before that snapshot was taken, Revenant was in unspeakable pain. The scream you heard on the broadcast echos in your head. It was one born of pain: strong, violent, and sharp until the static began to overwhelm it. The screeches you woke up to last night were not the same. They were mournful: hollow, airy, and almost melodic in their melancholy. Revenant can feel great pain, but clearly has some kind of appreciation for warmth and a kindly embrace. Why didn't others see that? Why does he have to suffer so much more, just because he is a simulacrum?

You close the browser. It messes with you. The imagery makes you upset. You feel you might vomit again if you're not careful.

You're snap back to attention at a commotion outside in the hallway. You peer out in the general direction of the other Legends' rooms.

"Fuck. You." Revenant's voice is so low it could rattle someone's bones. Fuse is standing in front of him, but Revenant is speaking beyond him to Loba, holding the scarf.

"It's my trophy. I'm a master thief, I don't just give things back." Loba proudly holds it in front of her face.

Fuse tries to keep Revenant at a fair distance from her, but Loba is standing her ground, completely unafraid.

"Woah now, come on, we don't need to settle this here and now." Fuse is attempting to keep the peace.

Revenant's growls can be heard from down the hallway, a number of volunteers have stopped to avoid getting too close, and a couple Legends are peering out their doors. The extra attention is displeasing to Revenant.

"Fine, but you will regret this." He starts to back off, prepared to fight another day, but Loba is relentless.

"Not if you want anything from me. Including that source code." Only now is she content to click her heels and turn away, Revenant suddenly looking like he lost the fight.

"Geeze, mate, do you really have to be so aggressive all the time?" Fuse gasps in a sigh of relief, addressing Revenant. "And I think I come on strong--you're a whole 'nother level!" He is already beaming a smile from under his moustache again, chuckling at his own joke.

Revenant shoots him a scowl for a moment, then turns back to you and begins to come back to the room, scarfless.

Fuse keeps pace with him as you retreat back inside, not sure if you should stay out of their way or not. You instinctively dive in behind the bed, staying low as not to be seen. You hear them come around the corner.

"Wait a minute, mate, I wanted to apologize." Revenant is already in the room, turning around to face Fuse who is standing in the doorway. You stay hidden behind the bed, nearly on the floor, listening in on their conversation. "That wasn't my best work out there yesterday. I feel like if I had been there, maybe you wouldn't have, uh..." He trailed off, his point was clear. "Listen, I'll talk to her, see if I can get 'yer scarf back. I don't want there to be any hard feelings."

Revenant's breathing pattern and low growl sounds like he is about to explode, and Fuse knows it too.

"Oh hey! They cleaned your room too!" His diffuses can be surprisingly effective. "Heh, I didn't even ask and apparently they decided to be like mum and make sure it got done whether I liked it or not."

Revenant hadn't actually noticed until now. He turns to look into the room. He peers across the way, seeing the bathroom mirror is reflective again.

"You're right." He sounds surprised. You swear you can hear another sigh of relief from Fuse now that the anger is gone.

"I was told it was that runner who seems to have a bit of a thing for 'ya did it. Seen 'em around lately?" Fuse asked. "I like to tip everyone, they do such a great job and they're not getting paid."

Revenant ignores him, walking into the middle of the room, peering around. To your recollection, he had never asked for his room to be cleaned as long as you have been volunteering. His room was very dusty. Now light is shining through all the windows, the television is clear, the bed sheets fresh, the carpet vacuumed...

"Yeah, where are they?" Revenant finally asks aloud. Is that your invitation to reveal yourself?

"Um, hi, sorry." You slowly pull yourself up from the floor, revealing your truly mediocre hiding spot.

Fuse gives a surprised stare, clearly catching a glimpse of your red badge, then laughs it off.

"You picked a cute one, didn't 'cha Rev?"

Revenant turns to face him in an absolute fury.

"Listen, I'm just telling ya to play nice." Revenant gets in Fuse's face immediately, but Fuse doesn't budge and meets him eye-to-eye for his next words. "You seem pretty defensive of 'em. Keep it that way."

Those words take Revenant aback just long enough for Fuse to break away and waltz up to you.

"Cheers, thanks for bein' my mum for me." He hands you enough money for a month of groceries, so generous!

"Thank you! That's very kind of you!" You chirp back, very happy to have more for your savings. Revenant seems shocked by the genuine joy in your voice.

As Fuse walks by Revenant to leave, you hear a short exchange:

"I'll try to get the scarf. Don't go killing anybody, and I didn't see anything out of the ordinary." Fuse murmurs.

"...thanks." Revenant sounds genuine.

Fuse gives him a side-hug on the way out, Revenant leaning away to escape it, but failing. Fuse laughs at Revenant's bashfulness. Getting a thanks from Revenant is a miracle unto itself, worthy of such a small celebration. Fuse is a genuinely good person. He is universally loved by the volunteers for his generosity and positivity. A lot of people have crushes on him, and you can understand why. One swift set of finger guns at each of you and Fuse is gone out the door, closing it behind himself.

"He's nice!" You say very matter-of-factly to Revenant.

"Sure, whatever you say, little skinsuit." He mumbles, seeming a bit exhausted by all the exchanges this morning. "What did he give you?"

"Money!" You hold out quite the wad of cash. Revenant chuckles a little under his breath at your happiness.

"What are you saving up for, anyway?"

"Well, for when this gig ends, I guess." You think aloud. "I just never want to be homeless again."

"Homeless?" Revenant looks at you with concern, "You were homeless before the Games?"

"Yeah, it's terrible out there..." You trail off your own words a bit sadly, but in seeing his concern for you, you decide to end on a high note. "With everything I save, I'll make sure I always have enough to live off of, and with the experience I'll have an easier time finding a job."

"Would it help if I paid you?" Revenant asks, plainly.

"Well, yes, but you don't need to."

"You should have told me." He almost whispers. He sounds a little sorrowful again.

You walk up and give him a quick hug.

"Sorry, I didn't know you would want to."

"If you keep getting too close to me, one of these days you're going to end up in a body bag." He sneers, trying to regain his vicious demeanor.

"Sorry, just keeping you warm, boss!" You play along, for now. You release him. "I have to actually get some food, go by the medical ward for some medicine, and then I need to leave the facility to pick up some new clothes. Do you need anything?"

Revenant stares for a moment.

"I'll be here when you return, bring me something alcoholic though." He answers, studying your eyes.

"Yes sir!" You rush out the door.

• • • •

When you return in the evening, you find Revenant's chassis laying like a corpse on the bed, his headscarf back on his head. His eyes are glowing dimly, staring at the ceiling with little interest.

"Oh hey." You address him.

"Oh, hey." He addresses you back, but slower. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling.

"You okay? You got your scarf back." You acknowledge, hoping he will perk up.

"Yeah." He sounds... depressed?

You put the bag of medicine on his computer desk, along with your bag of new clothes. You walk over with the remaining bag, which has the largest bottles of rum, whisky, and vodka the store sells. It is heavy and expensive, so you carefully place it on the end table next to his bed.

"I got you a ton of alcohol. It was kinda expensive, I'll probably need to be paid back." You carefully request, unsure how he will react. He gives you a thumbs up before his arm collapses onto the bed again. "What happened while I was gone?"

"Nothing much, I just got my scarf back." He sighs.

"Well, how did you get it?"

He moans audibly.

"Fuse got Mirage and Caustic to help him. Apparently it was an absolute mess. Mirage had to make tons of fakes to play keep away with my scarf, and Caustic gassed Loba's room with... zinc chlorides...? Something like that. It set off the fire alarms, everyone had to evacuate--"

"You didn't evacuate, did you?"

"Absolutely not. Anyways, in the chaos my scarf somehow ended up with Artur and Bloodhound."

"Oh geeze, what happened then?"

"They cleaned it, brought it to me, and gave it to me folded up neatly."

"Oh. Well... that last part isn't so bad."

"They were kind." His eyes tightened with discomfort, "And they left me with this." He holds up a single crow feather, perfectly dainty and undamaged.

"Aw, Artur!" You chirped; Artur was the sweetest bird you have met, not that you have met many.

Revenant sat up suddenly, his eyes getting bright again.

"Why would they do that?" He studied the feather in his hands, like he is completely bewildered with the concept of kindness. "They didn't owe me anything." He puts the feather down in front of him on the bed, pulling his hands up to hold his scarf in his grip on the two sides of his head. "They don't owe me this."

"Are you alright? You seem to not want to accept that Bloodhound is a nice person." You wanted to feed him the answer inside the question.

He stays silent for a while, taking the feather and handing it to you.

"Artur said this was for you, specifically."

"Wait, what do you me--"

"It's Bloodhound. It's in their name." He sighs, as you recognize concern in his tone, "They know who you are, they know you're here, and they recognized your scent on me." He lays down on his back, exasperated. "I can't let more people know." You hold Artur's feather, twirling it in your fingers. "They can't know. I am not like this." He seems genuinely upset.

"You seem cold." You prompted.

"I am very cold." He responds, overanalyzing each word for their deeper meaning.

"Do you want to be warm?" You put the feather down next to the bag of alcohol.

He pauses to sit back up before answering.

"Yes, but I can never let any of them know that." He answers plainly, but seriously.

You sit down next to him and are quickly grabbed and enveloped in his cold body, pulling you deeper onto the bed and directly under him. He almost instantly rests his head on your shoulder. His breath slows to a relaxed pace, rattling a little in his chest. His vocalizer hums at a low purr, and he moves his hands to feel your pulse, one at your chest and one to your jugular. He presses in, studying your inherent tick.

The television is on in front of you, but you haven't noticed it until now. The commentators are going over the edits of the "Loba the Scalper" image they found on social media, having nothing more important to talk about before the upcoming trios match. Revenant sighs a bit in your ear, still clearly bothered by his very public execution. You wrap your arms behind you to hug his waist. He holds you tighter for a moment, clearly understanding your intent is to comfort him.

You begin to massage the leather and the mechanisms underneath, unsure of how he will react; but he almost instantly squeezes you again, endorsing your idea. As you work into his back, his eyes dim and his breath quickens and deepens at strange intervals, relating to each long, deep stroke you perform. He slowly but surely relaxes his grip on you, potentially not realizing it. His mask digs into your shoulder, possibly trying to stifle his abnormal breathing. You keep at it for a few minutes, revelling in how sensitive his chassis is. Simulacrums were truly amazing.

Revenant's body melts under your touch, his chassis making odd movements clearly out of pure enjoyment. He's completely warm now, actually turning a bit hot as his code runs trying to keep up with your inputs. You worry that perhaps his circuits are being stressed too hard, but he also seems to be enjoying it so much.

He suddenly seems to shut down. His eyes go black, his weight falls on your shoulders, and his arms dislocate and slump out of his shoulder armor. You struggle to hold up his weight, his torso must be nearly two hundred pounds alone. No wonder he needs pistons to hold it up with his skinny waist.

He roars back to life, literally growling like a beast. His hands open and stretch like talons, the tips sharpening into claws. His legs cross in front of you, and his arms cross in front of you, and they pull you up against him in a nearly-crushing manner. His talons press into your flesh where they land, causing you a minor amount of pain. More concerningly, his jaw pulls open and he immediately goes as if to bite you, pushing your neck into the void of his mouth. He doesn't bite down though. His eyes are needle-thin, and brightened to a nearly red color. You gasp for breath in complete shock.

"You're mine!-Mine!-Mine!" His vocals are skipping as his hoarse, aggressive voice practically screams. "You belong to me!" He falls silent for a few moments. His shoulders refit themselves into their sockets as he slowly relaxes and retracts his claws from you. His softer voice returns. "Mine..." he calmly finishes. His jaw removes itself from your neck and closes. "I'm sorry. Emotions load faster than logic. It's hard to control myself after a reboot."

You had been holding your breath, and finally exhale and inhale, feeling faint with fear and deoxygenated blood. You slump back in his grip, putting your hands on your diaphragm to steady your breathing. You let yourself completely melt onto the bed, allowing yourself to look up at his face, gazing down at you.

"So, that's how you really feel then?" You pant, still catching your breath.

"Only a bit." He tries to comfort you, taking your hands in his. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you. Being a simulacrum is complicated. Even more complicated if you don't learn humanity while you're still human." He looks away, apparently not necessarily sure what he is missing in himself. "But I cannot deny there is truth in that emotion."

"It sounds like 'if I can't have you, nobody can' isn't off the table yet." You are slowly catching your breath.

"I would be very upset. I don't handle being upset well." His words are foreboding, but you're unsure if he is uncertain himself or trying to hide the truth. You want to sleep; you feel like you're going to have a heart attack. He squeezes your hands, noticing your weariness. "Sleep out here tonight."

You give him a weak thumbs up, fully expecting to just sleep right where you are. Revenant releases your hands, throws a blanket over you, and pulls you by your torso into a better sleeping position, up against a pillow. You throw out another thumbs up in approval. He snickers in response.

"I'm getting drunk. So sick of today. I'm going to create a scene so gruesome next game that everyone forgets about this little fiasco." He grumbles. You hear him cork something as you drift to sleep. "Have a good night, little skinsuit." Sleep was taking you rapidly.

"Thank you for the warmth." is the last thing you hear.

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danihow · 4 years

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No answer

Soulmate AU

Bucky Barnes x Deaf!Reader

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Summary: In a world where everyone is born with their soulmates last words said to them before they die or leave is tattooed somewhere in your body, but your soulmate is unable to see them.

Warning: Angst, death, but fluff before all that.

Word count: 3k, yeah a bit long, sorry.

A/N: I felt like doing a deaf!reader in a soulmate au because why not. And this idea is not mine, i saw it somewhere and credit to them. And also, I kinda love having a deaf character.

Gif ain’t mine but THOSE EYES THO.

Soulmates last words appear as a silver-inked mark on people’s bodies as a punishment from the angels to their actions, yet you didn’t care about them, you saw not actual point in having the last words of the love of your life tattooed, you didn’t understand what did humanity did to have such a bitter punishment as the words you’ll last hear from the person you will love the most just to know that they won’t be there anymore. People actually didn’t enjoy this soulmate thing a lot since they lived wondering if they are with their actual person and won’t find out until the day comes.

So, indeed you didn’t paid too much attention to these words on your collarbone who seemed pretty damn sad and made you want to not even meet them, you didn’t want them to hurt if the scenario of your or their departing was as tragic as the words wrote in silver were.

“Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.”

You couldn't imagine a happy and calm scenario where those words can be said, no, they were sad, depressive and desperate words, yet you didn't knew if they were because you died too soon or you lived a long live with someone who wasn't ready to let you. Anyway, whoever says does words is hurting and you don't want them to hurt.

You lived your live worrying internally about it to the point that no one else knew about your words and you didn’t spoke about them if you were asked. Yet, your heart now belonged to a man who you deep inside prayed wasn’t the one your words came from, the man whose arm you repaired when you met and made what nobody else has done for you in order to make you happy, Bucky Barnes.

Bucky and you got to know each other in a special way, it happened when he entered the laboratory searching for the person that was going to change his arm after a rough mission. You were arranging the tools you were about to use to place someone’s metal arm as Tony indicated you to. The one-armed man greeted you with a “Good night” and felt a little bit disrespected when you didn’t even flinch to his words, he repeated in case he spoke too softly but yet received no answer.

He sat kind of mad in one of the stools of the lab, waiting for someone else to come and stayed in silence for a while at the same time you searched for something in a shelf, not being tall enough to reach it. “You need help?” He offered talking loud enough for you to be able to hear, but you didn’t. He pursed his lips while staying there, watching you trying to reach for whatever you needed, standing on a stool.

He knew he did some things wrong in the past but you were disrespecting him quite a lot when you didn’t even greet back the simple good night he gave you. He stayed there again, waiting for someone to pay him attention.

Yet you kept there, in your world, not saying a word. After around ten minutes he stood there and you were still submerged in your own world. The impatience winning him over and in need of the repair he stood up the chair and walked to you.

“There’s actual no need to be rude to me, it’s kind of disrespectful.” He said firmly while approaching to where you stood, tapping your shoulder once and make you to flinch quite a lot.

You turned around scared and defensive, moving so quickly you tossed a couple of tools away the table.

The petrified look on your eyes made him feel some kind of pressure in his chest, a guiltiness like no other for scaring the fuck out of you. “Oh shoot, sorry ma’am.” He said but you didn’t answered him again.

You did a sign with your hands, dragging your index finger from your ear to your mouth. By the confused look on his face you stretched to grab a notebook you always had near you and wrote something with a black pen.

“I’m sorry, I’m deaf.” He read in the note, feeling even guiltier if that was possible, he got so mad at you for ignoring him around five times and it wasn’t your fault, you weren’t able to hear him.

“You read lips?” He wrote back in the notebook once you handed it to him, receiving a nod from you. “I do.” You said in a soft almost inaudible voice.

“I’m here for the arm Stark talked about.” He says not as fast as he was used to so you didn’t struggle and then pointed at his arm.

You gave him a soft, warm smile and pointed to a chair so he could take a seat, grabbing the set of things you already had prepared. “I’m really sorry ma’am, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said when you looked at him before starting, gaining a weak “Don’t worry” in response.

Your voice was really weak, yet soft and warm that his first instinct was to protect you, feeling crazy for thinking such a thing about a women he didn’t knew. You kind of explained to him through the notebook that you were going to replace his arm with a new one Shuri sent from Wakanda and if something hurt he must tell you immediately by rising his hand or something; while he read the message he couldn’t help but think about how beautiful your handwriting was and how much patience you had with him to write everything. He nodded in response and left the book aside.

You started by asking him to remove his shirt so you could remove the arm, yet you ended helping him when some strands of cloth got stuck in the open metal. You couldn’t help yourself by looking for a few seconds to the man’s shirtless torso before starting to remove his old broken arm. You let the arm aside, now starting to fix the wires and cutting open some others so you could connect the shoulder to the new sensorial adjustments Shuri created. You applied him some anesthesia on the shoulder skin and flesh that was still there so the adjustment to the neurons wouldn’t hurt him.

The procedure went well until the readjustment part, he grabbed your hand with his flesh one when he felt a stung in his shoulder that hurt enough even with his really high pain tolerance. You stopped, looking worried at him as he closed his eyes shut, he hated being like this but shit, that hurt badly. After a while he nodded and let you continue with your worked.

He stared at you through the process, paying attention to the little details on your face so he could distract himself of you working and seeing his scars, he noticed the little wrinkles by your eyes when you smiled and noticed how calm you were and looked while working, without the terror he caused you a while ago.

You remember when you finished and connected the wire that made the arm functional, you remembered how he opened his eyes widely at the sensorial panels working, feeling your hands on his forearm. He looked at you in surprise and you chuckled a little under your breath.

You left the tools beside his old arm and watched his reaction, his metal arm moved, readjusting to the size of his shoulder and with his metal hand he reached to you but stopped, considering he could hurt you without knowing this arm’s strength so he instead reached for a tool near him, feeling the cold metal in his fingers and smiled.

“When something hit you abruptly or penetrates the covering top of the panels they will shut down so you won’t feel the hurt.” You handed him the notebook.

“Thank you...” Then it hit him, he hadn’t presented himself to you or asked for you name, where did his manners went? Back in his times his mom would’ve smacked him in the face the second she knew.

“Y/N” You said while doing the hand signs to it. Then he questioned himself about how to say to you his name, he reached out for the notebook again and wrote it so you could know it.

“It’s a pleasure Bu... Bucky?” You said in a question, not knowing how to pronounce it. Then smiling widely at him when he nodded to you, you said it right.

“The pleasure’s mine.” He said and stood up after you did. “I’m still sorry for scaring you.” He said with shame on his voice.

“No big deal, it happens usually.” You say in your soft weak voice and smile at him.

Now he had nothing to do there so you both walked to the entrance of the lab in slow pace in silence, when he got to the door he stood there. “How do you say goodnight?” He asks, wanting to properly greet you this time.

Your warm smile grows in your lips and you do slowly the hand sign, he copies you with concern and doubt in his expressions, smiling proudly when you say it back.

Then he was gone even if he wanted to stay longer, you light up a curious and interested side in him like no one else did before.

The days passed by with him coming periodically to see you for the reviewing of his new arm. Around the second Thursday of visiting you at your lab he greeted you in sign language, surprising you and making you feel extremely happy, he had seen you talk in ASL to your lab colleagues and felt bad for you having to write down everything for him or at least what you couldn’t speak.

He talked to Steve and Sam about you all the time to the point they knew more about you that they should. He talked about your facial expressions while talking in ASL, about how soft your voice was when you spoke, even about how now you knew he entered the lab with the new bracelet Tony made for you with its own AI named MAC (that stood for More Awesome Creations) which was connected to FRIDAY and buzzed in morse code when someone came in the lab.

After some more weeks the visits became biweekly yet he found a way to see you more often than that and you didn’t complain about it at all, you were really happy with having him around.

He got to know about you more and more every time he went, he learned your interests, your manners, your hobbies and even learnt about you past, he now knew that you became deaf twelve years ago at age of fifteen in an accident so you can still talk without hearing yourself. He started asking FRIDAY to show him some pages about learning ASL so you could talk freely with him and to surprise you.

In the matter of months, you two were like best friends, Tony hired you officially and permanently around four months before when you accomplished six months around here. Yet Bucky didn’t just felt things for you like he felt for Natasha or Wanda, his feelings were far away of what friends felt and each day they grew further to the point that Steve, Sam and even Tony and Nat were telling him to ask you out, but he was too afraid of rejection and to make your friendship go to waste that he kept his feelings for himself, befriending you.

On the other hand, you were like a part of the team by the year of being there and they all were pretty happy about your presence. They all had their very own way of friending you, Sam struggled a little bit with learning sign language so he uses quite a lot the little pocket notebook you gifted him so he can talk to you, Tony gifted you for your birthday an intelligent watch that writes in its screen what people are saying to you in case you don’t read the lips fast enough so you can use it in reunions.

Natasha and Clint didn’t struggle at all with learning the language and Steve was actually really agile at learning it too, surprising you a lot. Wanda struggled a bit more so she had another little notebook and pen in her pocket like Samuel, the Queens kid, Peter, was pretty fast at learning it to the point he easily became like your little brother since he spent most of the time at the lab upgrading his suit and his talkative-self forced himself to learn ASL so he can keep telling you about his day at school every day.

And so it went with everyone else, they adapting to you or you adapting to them, whatever came first.

Then, today was the day Fury finally decided to send you in a mission with the team since they were extracting some new tech and you were crucial to take care of it and evaluate it.

Obviously, you were left at the jet with Bruce, who even had some tea onboard to calm the nerves the mission gave him before his time to shine green came.

Bucky was actually really worried for you throughout the mission, thinking about finishing this as fast as possible so all of you can go back to the compound and to have you out of risk, save in his arms.

When the objective was achieved the super soldier was heading back to the jet with Wanda by his side. He smiled at the thought of being back at the compound, laying in the sofa watching a movie while you were reading and playing with his hair, as always.

But that wasn’t in the plans of destiny.

You smiled at both of them warmly and welcomed them, you hugged Wanda, who was the first one on board but when you were about to hug the super soldier his enhanced hearing sensed something, a click and some branches moving and before he could turn around someone shoot you, letting you stand there as a big red stain formed on your chest, right were you heart is, and another two stains formed on your stomach.

Both of them froze for a moment, looking at you as if it wasn’t real, then he finally turned around, spotting the sniper behind a bunch of trees, shooting at him with his weapon.

Bucky raced to reach you before you fell, grabbing you between his arms and leaning you down to the floor slowly as his eyes started to water.

“Doll, hey Y/N, look at me.” He said knowing you couldn’t hear him, his eyes terrified at the idea of losing you. “Doll, look at me, please.” He begged, his voice cracking as his hands were now stained with your blood.

You looked at him, staring right into his blue watery eyes, giving him a little warm smile just as the one you gave him when you first met. “Hey, I’m here.” You whispered with your soft and even weaker voice, rising your hand to spoon his cheek, rubbing your thumb in there to comfort him.

Wanda was shocked, standing by his side, she got down to her knees, putting her hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he held you in his arms, watching a scene no one will ever want to watched.

Then Steve and Tony came over, their joyful expressions breaking at the sight that welcomed them at the jet.

“Don’t leave me Y/N.” Bucky said desperately, you read his lips and tried to smile. “You can’t.” Shit. No, no, no, no, you didn’t like where this was going, no, shit no, it can’t be him, you’d prayed each night and day for him to not be the one so he wouldn’t hurt add he was doing now.

“Bucky, I love you, okay?” You whispered even weaker against the growing pain in your heart, rubbing the tears away of your man’s face. “I love you, remember that.”

It felt like a knife was stabbed in Bucky’s heart when those words came to his mind, no, you said the words that were tattooed on his ribs since almost a century ago, he couldn’t lose you now. “Doll, you can’t leave me now, not now.” He said with the pain in his chest increasing, his tears falling down his cheeks as your eyes were fixed in his.

You were his soulmate and you were just about to die, there was nothing to do, if there was the words wouldn’t be there.

Your chest hurt but not because of the bullet, not anymore, it hurt because of his words, you were soulmates but you were too afraid of ruining everything that didn’t even got to be together. The look in his eyes, his face, he knew it too but even if you tried to speak, no words came out. Both of you were crying, you wanted to kiss him to at least know how it would’ve felt but you couldn’t move too much anymore, you were giving your last breaths.

Bucky thought about it too, leaning until your nose touched his, giving you a delicate and sad first and last kiss. Then he couldn’t hear your heartbeat anymore, he separated a few inches to see you, lifeless with your eyes peacefully closed. “No, doll.” He muttered, not even caring about his colleagues seeing him. “Y/N...” He held your fragile and dead body against his, crying his heart out in your hair. After a little while Steve approached to his friend, putting his hand on his other shoulder.

“Buck, we need to go, more are coming.” He whispered carefully, as if the simplest words could shatter his friend in pieces.

“She was her all along, Steve, and I lost her.” He cried without letting you go and those words were like a bucket of cold water for the rest, Tony and Wanda crying you silently as Steve stepped back to give him the time he needed.

Their friend had just lost the love of his life.

You.

#bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky #james barnes #deaf!reader #soulmarks #soulmate #soulmate alternate universe #soulmate au #au #scientist!reader #angst #death

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feminist-propaganda · 4 years

Text

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of Queen’s Gambit - Episode 1

I’ll start this long piece with a quote by Toni Morrisson. She once said : “If there's a book that you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.”

After watching Queen’s Gambit yesterday I rushed to the Internet to see if someone had written all of the things I am about to write, all of the symbols I saw in the miniseries, all of the dog whistles, the references. I found articles about chess. About how the community had adopted the film, about which grandmasters the characters were based off of, about chess moves and theories, about production and the unexpected success of the series.

According to me, this is quite mediocre commentary. I eventually clicked on the New Yorker article that seemed to be a tiny bit smarter. After a couple of paragraphs I realized that the male writer was only going to rant about how the actress is “too pretty” to be Beth Harmon, and this seems to upset him. A lot.

But no one talked about Beth’s mother. Or the name of the series. Or the embroidery. The chess board. The tranquilizers. The math. The flashbacks. The exchange of queens. The sacrifice of the queen. Did no one see it? Or is it again one of those things; where the world is so obsessed with single mothers and representing them as huge, massive, quite literal train wrecks, but no one actually wants to look at them in the eye, talk to them, help them?

Let me tell you, as a single mother, this miniseries had me in tears the whole time. It’s really difficult to watch. It’s downright triggering.

Single mothers like to keep their silence. That’s because we know the world doesn’t like it when we start talking. It hurts. A lot. So instead, the world likes to make memes about how single moms are whores, how they are drunks or over worked. How they’re psychotic. How they ramble. They don’t make any sense. Bipolar. Crazy. How their children stare at the television all day, the way they microwave bad food. We laugh at them, and use them as comical relief in our ... what exactly? Cultural objects. Then we move on. We send a message to single mothers when we do this, and the message is important. You suck. Shut Up. Don’t exist. It’s your fault.

We make an entire mini series about a single mother who killed herself to save her kid, we put on the television images that hurt and harm single mothers and then the public responds with nothing. They don’t even bat an eyelash. Miss the point entirely. Great series about chess! Except it’s not about chess. Not at all. It’s about raising children alone, when the world hates you. It’s about a trailer. In the middle of nowhere. A strong willed woman who was a mathematician in the 1940s. Who taught her daughter everything she could. Realized she couldn’t do more. And made the ultimate sacrifice, the queen’s gambit. The riskiest, most reckless, bravest move of all.

So let me tell you about what it’s like to watch Queen’s Gambit when you’re a single mother. So that somewhere in the AI, it’s written. So that when our great grand children will try to understand our times, they’ll read it.

I’ll write an essay for each episode. And in each essay I will review the important lession that Alice passed on to young Beth, and how this takes her to Moscow, where she can live a much more fulfilling life than in the U.S.A.

Lesson 1 : Find A Two Dimensional Algebric Plane. Study It. Control It.

I recently learned from instagram user @itllbeokbaby and Amsterdam based artist and weaver Liza Prins that the words textile and text have the same origin as the word texture.

Text derives from the Latin textus (a tissue), which is in turn derived from texere (to weave). It belongs to a field of associated linguistic values that includes weaving, that which is woven, spinning, and that which is spun, indeed even web and webbing. Textus entered European vernaculars through Old French, where it appears as texte and where it assumes its important relation with tissu (a tissue or fabric) and tisser (to weave).

Women have been weaving, beading, sowing and stitching since the dawn of times. We also know that women used this technology not just to create clothes, tents or shoes. They used it as a container of information. As cultural DNA.

In South America, in places where writing as we know of it was never created, women would bead important tribal information into skirts. They would then use the skirts as a database of the tribe. To track births, deaths, epidemics, droughts and other important group defining events.

In modern times, women still use embroidery as a means of expression. My memories from childhood contain strong images of my aunts and grandmothers, sewing my name and date of birth onto pillow cases, bathrobes and bedcovers. They would do this by the pool, at the bottom of the ski slopes, on the beach or in the train. They would engage into conversation as they embroidered; as this activity required some concentration, but not their full attention. It was their way of being present; but also transcending into the past and projecting into the future. They sewed our lives into the cloth.

I once heard my grandmother counting the holes in the cloth she was decorating with her beautiful colours. I asked what she was doing. She said that to build the letters on the cloth, you needed to count the squares. Two to the top, four to the right, ten to the middle, etc etc. I was quite mesmerized. I was maybe eight at the time, the same age as Beth when she loses her mother. I had started learning some math in school but somehow the math in school seemed to be presented to me as the epitome of something quite different than this excruciatingly feminine passtime.

Math was presented to me as masculine, out of reach to us girls. And now I was disovering that these women in my family were geometry experts, fluent in linear algebra, and that at a higher level, they were database account managers.

In the first episode of the miniseries, in the first couple of minutes; we discover two Beths. The first Beth is in Paris, the beautiful, the chic; the glamourous Paris. Paris will always be the undisputed capital of Fashion.

Paris is the undisputed capital of fashion not because it is the home of polluting massive textile industries like the ones in Pakistan or Zara’s empire in Spain. Paris is the capital of fashion because it is the capital of Haute Couture. And Haute Couture is custom made, sowed by hand, piece by piece, bead by bead, sequin per sequin. It is delicate. It is slow. It is sacred. It is what my aunt’s did.

It is the opposite of industrial, the opposite of a sewing machine, the opposite of an engine. The opposite of yield failures, punching in and punching out. It is lace. Delicate, personal, eternal.

The second Beth we see is the eight year old Beth, that has just lost her mother. She stands on a bridge. Two cars have crashed into one another. And she stares on at the police officers. One says “Not a scratch on her. It’s a miracle”. The other says “I doubt she’ll see it like that”.

My theory is that the miniseries explain how Beth eventually begins to “see it like that”.

The first time we see 8 year old Beth she is wearing a dress, with her name embroidered on it. It reads Beth, in pink. Feminine. Purple flowers surround it. The embroidery is delicate. It’s on her heart.

We follow eight year old Beth as she gets sent to an orphanage. In the first couple of scenes at the orphanage, we think, for a minute, that maybe Beth will be okay here. The head mistress smiles, has nice hair. Shows her around. Yes, the bed is by the lavatory, but at least she has a bed, a roof over her head.

We only start despising this new mother figure when she takes Beth to choose new clothes. Beth takes off her dress, and stares at her name, written on the front. The headmistress selects a white shirt and grey dress for Beth. She hands to her these new items, symbol of her new life, of her integration within the orphanage and later mainstream society. The headmistress then grabs the dress with the name embroidered and looks at it with disgust. Then, she says “I think we’ll burn this one” and disapears.

Beth then understands that she is no longer allowed to love her mother. That to fit in this school, this orphanage, to survive, she must let go of the embroidery and all of the things she associates with her mother. Her mother, in the words of the teacher was a “victim” of “a carefree life”. A free spirited whore, a lesbian, a witch. There’s a lot of words we liek to use to describe women who don’t conform. And Beth’s mother, as we learn, never conformed.

At night, Beth sees her mother’s eyes, she hears the last words her mother uttered before dying in the car crash. “Close your eyes”. She said it with tears in her eyes and an air of great determination. She knew what she was doing, which is something Beth doesn’t want to tell anyone. Not even her new friend Jolene. Beth’s secret is her mother wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t crazy at all.

Then, Beth discovers the board. One day, she gets sent to the basement and sees the janitor playing chess. Later in the miniseries, Beth tells the journalist from Life it was the board that attracted her. Not the pieces.

As the first episode unfolds, Beth learns that the squares have names. She learns the names. And at night when she looks up at the ceiling she sees the board. She visualizes the pieces moving on the 64 squares. She moves them in her mind and imagines all of the alternatives. What the board would look like if she moved this piece to that square. What would her opponent do then?

To the journalist of the Life magazine, Beth says that the Chess board was a universe of 64 squares, and that she could control this space. All she had to do was study it.

The board is much like the cloth that Beth’s mother Alice would sew information onto when she was a young child. You count the squares and move your material through it. As you go, you make shapes, patterns, motifs. Beth looks up at the ceiling at night and the first night, without the tranquilizers, she sees her mother say “Close your eyes” which is too painful or such a young child. A young child doesn’t understand yet why a mother would say “Close your eyes” and then crash on purpose into a truck. A young child doesn’t know about the world yet.

Alice aknowledged that she was about to do something extremely risky, that the outcome was uncertain. Alice told Beth that she was going to purposely provoke the car crash.

But when Beth takes the tranquilizers at night, and now that she knows about chess, she can transfer her love for her mother into her growing obsession with Chess. She looks up at the ceiling and instead of seeing Alice’s last thoughts, she sees the Chess board. Which is the small piece of universe that Alice controlled, when she was alive. The cloth that she sewed her daughter’s name on: “So that you’ll always remember who you are”.

#feminism #single mom #the queen's gambit

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reversemoon255 · 4 years

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Gundam Build Divers Re:Rise

So, if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know I’m a big fan of the Build Series. I even like Try, which has actually offended people. No joke. And Re:Rise is no exception, having the best story and characters in the lineup, not to mention some of the more innovative Gunpla. It’s pretty obvious it’s the most beloved of the Build Series by the general public as well as hard-core Gundam fans, and I feel that’s because it leaned more heavily into the Gundam side of things than the Build side, for both its ups and downs.

The Good: The story is very strong, and is able to get away with things that hampered GBF slightly and GBD a lot. It presents it mystical elements forefront and prominently.

In almost every collectibles based series, there is almost always some form of mystical element (a trend made prominent by Yu-Gi-Oh!), and both GBF and GBD lean into this to different degrees. (Actually, one of the reasons I like GBFT is because it’s the only series like this I’ve ever seen that doesn’t have a mystical element.) GBF’s was pretty subtle, being presented early on and only really being used as a motivator for the Chairman and a sad goodbye. GBD leans into it a little harder with Sarah being the main focus of the entire final arc.

GBDR is able to get around this by having the entire focus of the show be about the mystical element, so there’s no conflict between the grounded story and the abnormal additions. Also, it was just, like, really good? And I think part of that is the naivety of the characters. I was able to pick up almost immediately that everything was real, but I read a lot of the YouTube comments after each episode, and a lot of people were convinced it was just a story mission at first, with more and more people catching on as the series progressed. (For me what sealed the deal was Maiya being able to describe Kazami’s character. A supposed NPC being able to nail the personality of a player.) Since they thought it was a game, the stakes seemed low even though we as the audience knew otherwise. And when everything came to light, not only did the stakes immediately skyrocket, but they did so believably. And wanting to help people is always a good motivation.

The animation was very good. It dove at a few points, as is not uncommon, but the overall quality stayed high. There was almost no stock footage apart from the Core Changes. And the number of cameos throughout this season, especially in the last three episodes, were staggering, but were just balanced enough to not overshadow the main cast.

Except for Kyoya’s Cardass Finisher. Like, ok, reference, but it was, like, three minutes long.

All the characters were very good, and I feel part of that was both establishing a detailed past for everyone to help with their motivation and character growth as people, rather than fighters, and not having the main character be the newbie. Reiji, Sekai, and Riku were all new players and had to have plenty of things explained to them, whereas here all of BUILD DiVERS were either experienced fighters or builders, and Freddie, the non-combatant would only require an occasional explanation while he, in turn, explained his world to the players (a very important give-and-take). I also liked how they didn’t need to spell out every detail of Par and Kazami’s pasts. Par never has to explain how he became disabled to the rest of the team, and Kazami never vocalizes about the death of his dad. Sometimes that’s the better way to handle things.

And finally, the Gunpla are FANTASTIC! Look, I know I complain, but there’s a reason I’ve bought 12 Core Gundams, and will probably buy more. Each design in this series is so lovingly crafted. There’s a good balance of series, motif, and gimmick. And Re:Rising Gundam is such a cherry on all of it. Like, I pointed out all those oddities in my Wodom Pod review, but never did I even consider it was part of a combination. And it so encapsulates the themes of coming together this series oozes. I love it.

The Bad: But, of course, nothing is perfect. While I do enjoy the story, what sets the Build Series apart from other Gundams is its levity and light-heartedness, and that’s something that was lacking from this season. It’s not absent. The Space-Crossing Festival, for instance, was a great example of this, but those moments were few and far between. I think Jed dying was the moment I realized I’d have to look at this as a Gundam series and not a Build one. Being afraid for the show’s characters isn’t something I’ve had to worry about with Build. Even when Sarah’s life was on the line at the end of GBD, I knew everything was going to turn out alright. Here, though? Up until the training mission I was worried someone was going to sacrifice themselves. And it’s good that didn’t happen, but that one moment put me on edge for the entire rest of the series.

And it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s something I expect from 00 or Thunderbolt. Not Build.

Already mentioned the animation had its dips. I think I watched the entire show in 720p. Would have preferred 1080. Moving on.

While I don’t have any real issues with the main cast of characters, I do have a few issues with Eve. I’m not the biggest fan of how she retcons a lot of the events of the first season, having this apparent noble sacrifice that completely doesn’t affect the story of GBD at all. And while I don’t mind May being constructed from some of Eve’s data, I wish it was built up at least a bit? I can think of some moments in retrospect where I can suss out that maybe that’s what they were going for, but it still felt very sudden. That could have been handled better.

And while I love this season’s Gunpla, there are simultaneously a lot and not a lot compared to other seasons. Like there’s a lot of releases, but a ton of them are remolds. Twelve Cores, remember? Almost every suit got a remold. The Justice Knight and Infinite Justice, all the Eldoran and non-Eldoran counterpart units, the Valkylander and Ex are the same mold, and all the Core Armors. That’s probably because they used a lot of suits that are more original and are just homages rather than straight remolds, like the Build Strike or 00 Diver, but it’s definitely noticeable.

Where do we go from here: We have an official announcement of a Divers Battlogue, just like with Fighters, and we may get OVAs like the previous seasons did, too, eventually, but I’m talking about beyond that.

After Fighters Battlogue ended, Fighters did, too. We moved on to Build Divers, and from what I can tell it’s been successful, especially this season. My worry is that with the announcement of a Battlogue, we’re also announcing the end of Divers.

Now, I don’t think Build is going away, because it has its own fanbase, and it’s just good from a marketing perspective. Take some old kits, make a few new parts for them, and resell them. What I’m worried is we’re heading to a new subtitle and a new continuity, which would be our FIFTH (Builders, Fighters, Divers, and GBGW). It made sense to end Fighters because they created a seven year time skip to explain how we got to the point of using original Gunpla, they didn’t go over well, and from a writing perspective it put them in a corner. Divers was a good reboot, returning to modified kits, and giving us a protagonist who actually pilots a Gunpla he built himself (three season in). Divers also has a very large mythos at this point, with AIs, and multiple confirmed species of aliens. If you jumped ahead just one more year, you could write a great story where it’s just exploring this inter-species cultural hub that is GBN. That’s what I’d like to see, anyway. If you skipped ahead just a little farther, you could have Asha, Towana, or Hulun return as our Yuma or Par for that season to connect it to the past one. There’s a lot of potential still there. Like, even the ending suggests they might have some more ideas for Eldora yet (whether that will be tackled in a new season, the Battlogue, or an OVA, I don’t know).

You could also return to Build Fighters. Make it take place in that seven-year gap, which would allow you to have Gunpla more on the level of what we saw in GBD (more advanced than GBF, but not at original yet). Or show us the pro circuit at the same time as GBFT and how insane that’s become. (What we see in GBFT is just the Japan’s U-19, and they apparently can’t hold a candle to actual pro players. Can you imagine what Worlds would be like O_O)

There’s just so many new stories they could tell with what already exists. I don’t want them to reboot the series again needlessly.

Also, we’re running out of headliner Gundams. The only obvious choices I don’t think we’ve touched yet are Barbatos, Unicorn, Victory, and Zeta.

As for my hopes for the Battlogue, I’d like to see Maiya and Kazami go on a date, because that would be adorable. I’d like to see Freddie pilot his first Gunpla, because that would be adorable. And I’d like to see the gang teach the village kids how to build Gunpla, because that would be adorable. What can I say? This series got kinda dark; I’d like some cute to balance it out.

Overall, this series was great. Favorite of the Build Series, even if it is a little more Gundam than Build. There’s a lot of potential still left in this universe, so I hope they’ll continue to explore it, rather than reboot the series again.

#Gundam #Gunpla #Gundam Build Divers #Gundam Build Divers Re:Rise #Review

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a-student-out-of-time · 4 years

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Twisted Sister Aftermath Review Part 1

Hai hidey do everyone, it’s your friendly neighbourhood Review Anon here! Another Arc has come and past us and as such it’s time to review it! Hopefully I don’t end up with 5k worth of words here and have three megaton submissions here (and from now on I am not going back to using asks, why the heck I used asks beforehand is beyond me) Speaking of, I have a question, do you want me to go back and review previous arcs? Probably won’t do this until we have any kind of break or hiatus so to not break flow? But that’s enough time being wasted, we have the Twisted Sister Aftermath Arc here, and this review isn’t going anywhere so let’s get right into it!

Relationships and Reflections

So, when we last left off, Hajime passed out from inhaling too much smoke while saving Tsurugi from the bomb explosion and as it turned out he has been asleep for a good 8 hours! Its Monday but despite that the school is shut, which is understandable given that we had criminals running around and a serial killer attacking the school the previous day, Hope’s Peak seems to be more sensible than my previous school which didn’t shut down even when one of the main buildings got flooded (long story there). But the good news is that nearly all the criminals were captured by the QC and the police and are back where they belong. The bad news is that 3 criminals are still at large. 2 of them are petty criminals that have nothing to be concerned but there is one criminal who IS a big concern. You have 3 guesses who that person is and the first 2 don’t count. Yep, its Maverick Storm alright.

So, time for a bit of a confession here, Maverick as a character…isn’t all new to me. For some of you old timers here there was a blog called ‘Despair Kids’ which started out as Class 78 asking questions and then it evolved into an AU with lots of OCs, so many that it got too overwhelming and I lost interest in it. But there were a few I generally liked, and Kyoji’s and Maverick’s characters really stood out to me. When I started to read the enormous backlog of this blog, (I wish the best of luck to all newcomers and try to not binge it, even if you are a fast reader), and Umeko showed up during the Practical Exams arc, I got a sense of Deja vu, as I recalled hearing that character’s name before. But I didn’t think much at the time, not helped by the fact that Umeko was a pretty minor character in the Despair Kids, even when Maverick was on his self-imposed challenge to kill all of his class, Umeko evaded him by just dimension travelling to another universe, so her character didn’t have much impact. But as soon as I heard Kyoji and Maverick mentioned I thought ‘Oh…OH IT’S THE SAME PERSON WHO MADE THOSE CHARACTERS!’. And as mentioned, I really liked those OCs anyway so that as well as using Another characters really got me invested into this blog. And with all that said, let me reassure you guys that Maverick is a bastard with a capital B. The stuff he gets up to in Despair Kids, where he was a member of Despair, but secretly plotted to overthrow Junko, even the other Mods/Role-players were disgusted by it. Now Maverick is probably going to be going through some changes as the Mod’s OCs in this blog aren’t the same as the characters from the Despair Kids. To give some examples Kyoji’s backstory doesn’t mention Mikan, Kyoji isn’t into Mikan, he’s more into Miaya, Maverick got jailed etc. So, I won’t be surprised when Storm starts pulling shit, probably not as bad as Despair Kids as he isn’t under Junko’s thumb here…but hard to tell at the moment. But yeah, you have been warned, I consider Maverick a villain as bad as Junko and Mikado, and you will soon see why.

But enough about a character who hasn’t officially shown up yet, let’s focus on a reformed villain and that is the new and improved Kanade! I feel mixed upon this new Kanade as part of me wants to love her as in this state she is so sweet and innocent, which is what people probably thought of Kanade when they first saw her in SDAR2, and I did at first, my thoughts about Kanade at the time were ‘It’s almost as if Hiyoko and Mikan are siblings, let’s hope Kanade doesn’t go crazy like Mikan did’ and that statement aged like milk. When Kanade became suspiciously smart and helpful during the Class Trials I was kinda sus because normally with the Trial Point Getters there is normally some logic to why said character is good in the Trails, like Koroko being a Psychologist can analysis people’s feelings and deduce who the culprit, and Syobai’s background means he has to use his brain quite a bit, but Kanade is supposed to be a Guitarist in a Pop band, she shouldn’t be this good. But my theory was she was lying about her talent, because that’s nothing new in Danganronpa, but ho boy was that a mistake. But at the same time as much as I want to hug this new Kanade, I’m also hyper conscious that the mindwipe might not be a permeant solution as well Junko got mindwiped in the OG timeline and we all know how well THAT ended. Then again, the relapse didn’t fully occur until Yasuke decided to kill Ryoko so as long as nobody tries to strangle Kanade, we should be good. It also means that Hibiki gets the little sister that she thought she had back, and you can tell this a new stage of development for her. Hibiki has grown as a person since back in July but while that part of her character development has finished, a new part starts as she tries and rebuild a proper healthy relationship with Kanade because Hibiki wasn’t completely innocent in the reason why Kanade became a monster. Granted, a lot of it was Kanade being twisted to begin with but had Hibiki been kinder and not been a total bitch to her, I don’t think Kanade would have gone fully down the deep end as it seems her psychopathic behaviour is more of a nurture rather than nature thing. Something I believe will be explored a bit more once Junko enters the scene because well…Kanade is basically Junko on easy mode. The real deal will be a lot harder to handle. And naturally Kyoji has offered to take care of her…I don’t know why Kyoji has turned into the guardian of reformed little girls, but it’s a welcome surprise to be sure. I just hope Kanade doesn’t get wrapped up in Storm’s schemes because given that Kyoji is his arch-enemy…

We can make sure Kanade is a good girl now but there’s still the small issue that she escaped from jail and the police are looking for her so one needs to fake her death. This is a joint operation by Kyoji and Nikei as Kyoji cloned some of Kanade’s body parts and left them near where a bomb went off to give the impression that Kanade got killed during the Prison Break, and judging from Tsurugi’s reaction, it seems to have worked. Speaking of Tsurugi, he is resting and due to his injuries is desk bound for a couple of weeks and receiving care from Mikan. Mikan caring for Tsurugi helps in two ways, as firstly being the Ultimate Nurse, she would be qualified to help make sure nothing serious happens to Tsurugi and Tsurugi doesn’t know that Mikan is part of the Quantum Crew and working with Kasugano, so it means someone is near Tsurugi who can relay information to Kasugano and co. That’s two girls with ties to Kasugano that Tsurugi has interacted with and he doesn’t suspect a thing. Okay to be fair with Akane when he first met her, she was an independent force and wasn’t working for Kasugano at that point but my point still stands. Not much to talk about our police boy here aside from Mod confirming that Tsurugi x Kouhei is going to be a thing in this blog. To be fair everyone could see the sexual tension between those two and that’s why people felt funny when Kanade mocked their relationship as they wanted to ship the two but it meant siding with a demonic guitar child. But said demonic guitar child is no more so no need to worry about shipping! And as for Nikei, he is writing up an article detailing Kanade’s demise as to throw the media off Kanade’s scent and then it’s just waiting for all the media hype around Kanade to die down and once that happens, she can be transferred to one of the many care facilities that Kyoji knows. How many does he know at this point? And while we are on the subject of Newsie here, it’s time to discuss a growing friendship, and possible relationship that is developing between him and Akane.

I had my suspicions for some time by their interactions but it was Akane’s and Nikei’s interactions in this Arc which solidified my viewpoint on their relationship. And that is Akane is more or less a foil to Mikado. Think about it for a second. They weren’t founding members of Void, they both grew up in hellish orphanages, got out of said orphanages thanks to Utsuro, ended up meeting the man himself at some point and inherited his Divine Luck at various points, though Mikado only succeeded in a Bad Ending. But at the same time, they both have different motives for going after Utsuro, Akane wanted to thank him for what he’s done for her and when she did successfully meet him, dutifully served under him, even when Junko came and corrupted them both. And while Utsuro had his crippling trust issues and constantly worried if Akane would betray him at some point, the fact that he gave Akane Divine Luck after she took mortal damage protecting the other survivors from Monokuma, showed that at some level he did care for her. Mikado desired the Divine Luck for his own personal benefit, burned down several orphanages to trigger another encounter and upon meeting with Koroko, hatched a horrible plan to ‘revive’ Utsuro, then Mikado would kill him and steal the Divine Luck for himself. Only reason it backfired was firstly because Mikado (both real and AI) didn’t realise Utsuro gave the Divine Luck to Akane, who was then later used to create Sora, and secondly Syobai betrayed him by siding with the Kisurugi Foundation. Their clashing roles can be no better illustrated then with their relationship with Void’s leader, Nikei. We don’t know how Nikei reacted to Mikado initially because it’s still a lot of unknown factors until the Onmake mode comes out canonically, but while wary at first because of how extreme Mikado’s plan was, was probably willing to trust him. And then as Mikado undermined him and usurped the role of leader from Nikei, that relationship quickly soured and a rotting despairing sense of hatred and revenge grew within Nikei, eroding away his humanity (from reading LINUQ’s blog, where he goes into detail regarding the various characters from SDAR2, he states that Nikei used to be a lot more warm-hearted before Mikado came along, but his hatred for the wizard made him much crueller) And it got to the point where the lines between Nikei and Mikado got blurry, and I’ll say that Nikei ended up being no different from Mikado in the end. And thus, he died a broken hateful mess. Now as for Akane, she and Nikei got off on a bad note; she kicked Nikei in the stomach, he responded by almost blowing Akane’s brains out, fun stuff like that. But once the misunderstanding and proof that Akane was good arose, a friendship of sorts started to develop between the two. The first signs we saw of this is *sigh* Oncoming Storm Arc. Among the hot pile of shit that Arc was, one of the VERY, VERY few good parts about it, was that when some Anons unintendedly hit a trigger phrase for Akane, which was mentioning older men, she went into a panic attack and out of all the people who could have comforted Akane during this moment, it was Nikei who did so. And now in this arc, we are seeing that Nikei is a bit more open with Akane then he is with other non-Void members of the Quantum Crew. He’s not taken the news that he snapped back to his old self during the Massacre timeline well, and bemoans that it shows he hasn’t changed, but Akane reassures him he has and that the timeline can serve as a lesson to improve oneself from and mentions she had trust issues initially but thanks to Utsuro, she is very much a people person now. And of course, we get the cute wholesome scene of those two cuddling each other, can someone please make fanart of these two cuddling, we need it. Mikado brought the worst out of Nikei and eventually led to his death, whereas Akane brings out the best in Nikei and would possibly help him into living a full refreshing life. Sora is more or less the third wheel in this relationship.

Annnnddd…I have talked for way too long. That’s part 1 of the review where I talk about relationships regarding all the characters but when we come back its when the plot comes back in when Class 77-B gets debriefed on the truth and a shocking new discovering on Time Travel is revealed. Stay tuned as we won’t be away for long! - Review Anon

#submission #a student out of time #review-anon

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the-mangled-readings · 5 years

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CyberPunk Love

A/N: Okay, so I been wanting to write this for the longest, hope you guys like it! It’s a two-point of view Fic, from Connor’s and the Readers (Obvs).

Pairing : Connor x FemaleReader

Story Summary: After 8 years the Reader comes back to Detroit and engages with her old Parter Hank and his new sidekick Connor, investigating new homicide cases but Connor begins to suspect she's hiding something.

Chapter Summary: The Reader comes back and reencounters with Hank (Old Partner) and meets his new Partner, and catches his attention.

Warnings: Angst, Swearing, Flirting.

Word Count: 2,068

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

( Y/N’s View )

“I want my—I want my MTV ...

I want my—I want my MTV ...

I want my—I want my MTV ...”

You were singing along Dire Straits “Money for Nothing” iconic song as you drove at full speed through the highways of Detroit. Never did you thought that you would ever come back, after the Revolution, you wanted to stay away from all the drama but for your luck, you had been offered a better position. You were currently a Police Detective, and you had been told that if you moved back and took the offer they would promote you to the rank of Lieutenant, and you being you, you didn’t want to lose the chance of making your dad proud, and especially Hank.

After your father passed away, Hank Anderson became your mentor at the Detroit City Police Department. He had a close relationship with your parents, especially your dad, they met at the police academy and from there everything became history. Hank watched you grow and eventually he saw you as his daughter. You even got to meet his son Cole and helped Hank after the sudden loss, but due to other personal issues you had going on at the time, you had to leave Detroit.

Your destination is just 2 mi away ...

You heard the AI voice on your motorcycle instruct you as you stopped at a red light. Looking around, you noticed that everything was still the same, the smell, the buildings, the people, shit even Hank’s favorite food truck Chicken Feed. You sighed deeply as you turned, noticing the light turning green.

“Thank you, Captain Fowler, for the opportunity I will not dissa ... Oh who am I kidding, I sound so pathetic.” You rehearsed and mentally facepalmed yourself, outside in the parking lot. “I sound like a loser ... Hopefully, Hank is still here.” You breathed out tiredly after driving 35 hrs. “Jesus Christ, I think I’m going to pass out ...”

“Oh but if it isn’t the Infamous (Y/N) ...” You heard from behind, a familiar yet annoying voice you could never forget. “Oh but if it isn’t Detective Dick Twat Reed ...” Twirling at the nickname, Gavin let out a fake laugh, making you force a smile. “It’s been a while ... what could of have possibly dragged you back to this shithole, huh.” He leaned against the gas tank of your motorcycle, making you roll your eyes. “Could it be that you finally realized that, I was your one and only and not that Pretty Boy you ran away with to San Francisco?”

“That’s none of your business Gavin ...” You spat out, turning your motorcycle off, making him laugh. “Ahhh poor detective (Y/LN), she got all flustered ...”

“That’s enough Detective Reed ...” A louder and firm voice made the both of you turn.

“I’m sorry Captain Fowler ...” Gavin’s voice broke a little as he spoke. Captain Fowler only turned to face you, his stern look slowly softened into a smile. “Detective (Y/LN), if you please ...” He instructed and you began to walk into the entrance, along with Captain Fowler by his arm, leaving Gavin behind.

After stepping into the entrance doors, you stopped, looking down at their logo :

“Detroit City Police Department”

“Your father would of have been so proud of you (Y/N), seeing how much you’ve grown.” Fowley praised at you making you tear a little. “Thank you, Captain, that was the idea.”

“Well then, let’s get going ...”

( Connor’s View )

“Hank, would you like some coffee?” Connor politely asked the hungover middle-age man that was barely awake “You seem a little tired today ...” He persuaded, only earning a groan and a middle finger from him. “I’ll take that as a yes then ...” As he got up from his desk and began to walk towards the break room, he noticed Captain Fowler lightly laughing with a woman, it seemed a bit odd, since he was always in a bad mood, and mostly was because of Hank.

“Hey did you hear, Lieutenant (Y/LN)’s daughter is back.”

Connor heard Chris whisper to his small group of friends, making everyone suddenly bring up stories of the mysterious girl. “Looks like you won’t be Hank’s partner anymore Connor ...” He instantly recognized the snarky tone that entered the room. “Gavin, leave him alone.” Chris quickly defended, only to be ignored by a laugh “Whatever, that bitch is already Fowler’s favorite, so you guys better watch out what you say and you ...” He pointed at Connor, looking at him from head to toe “Hank is going to forget about you before you know it ...”

“Ignore him, Connor, he’s just being annoying like always.” Chris comforted Connor, earning a soft smile from the Android.

While walking back to his shared desk, he began to think about what Gavin and everybody said :

What did they mean?

Who was she?

What was so special about her?

His thoughts were quickly interrupted as he found Hank nowhere to be found. He probably took a bathroom break Connor thought to himself. Setting down the cup of coffee on Hank’s desk, he took a seat at his desk.

As he was reviewing the new case files, he heard Hank :

“Oh my God, (Y/N) is that you ...”

He turned around to see Hank's mouth open and smiled, and tear up? Making Connor frown at the unexpected actions, it wasn’t in Hank’s nature to smile at just anybody, especially tear up, he turned to finally see the mysterious person, and Connor finally understood.

Software Instability ^^^

Woah ...

Connor quietly praised the person. It must be the famous Lieutenant’s daughter, he was so intrigued by her that he could practically feel his Thirium pump beat through his chest, maybe his Regulator wasn’t working, maybe it was a malfunction, there was not a chance that he could ever fall in love, and especially so quickly.

But what if ...

Is this what they meant when they say Love at first sight? ...

Software Instability ^^^

( Y/N’s View )

“So how do feel Detective (Y/LN)? Being back home must be a big change.” Captain Fowler questioned, taking a seat on his desk. “It’s been 8 years since we last saw you, and I heard many good things about you, including that Terrorist case ...”

“Oh yeah ... that one.” You quietly responded feeling yourself sinking in the seat. “Captain Fowler, there’s something I need to tell you before I join back the team.” Making Fowler frown.

“Lieutenant (Y/LN), holy shit ... Hope you’re proud Dad.” You told yourself, as you exited Fowler’s Office. Looking around, you decided that it was time to meet up with Hank again. You were just about to take your last step when a couple of people instantly recognized you, trapping you in hugs and “Oh my god, You’re back !” “Congratulations Lieutenant” “It’s so good to see you again (Y/N)”

After what felt like forever, you were able to get away from everybody, making your way into Hank’s Desk, only to be stopped again ...

“Hey, sweet cheeks ...”

Fucking Reed!

“What?” You turned on your heel, looking at him with a death glare.

“Hope you know, Anderson already has a partner ...” He teased while leaning back on his chair. “And it’s an Android.” Earning a frown from you. “That can’t be ...”

“Oh you better believe it, and he’s fucking annoying too. He’s been with him for about a year or so, hope that doesn’t harm your feelings ... Lieutenant.” He scoffed at the end making you a little uneasy.

You began to walk away from Reed’s desk and as you were questioning Hank’s sudden’s partnership with this “Annoying” Android you were interrupted by a particular voice :

“Oh my God, (Y/N) is that you ...”

And there he was, your old Man, Hank Anderson.

“Hank !” You called as you ran towards his arms, crying on his chest. “Oh my God, Hank, I’ve missed you !” Pulling away from his arms, you took a better look at him, he looked tired and hungover like usual, but something in him seemed different.

“Jesus, look at you, where’s my little girl, you’re a grown woman now, I’m so proud of you (Y/N).” He ran his left hand on your cheek, wiping the tears away. “I’m so glad you’re back ... You have no idea how much I needed you, especially after ...”

“The Revolution?” You questioned, quirking an eyebrow at him, making him sigh deeply. “Yeah, it was quite stressful, I could of have used an extra hand.”

“I know, but I was dealing with something at the moment ... But I’m back!” Punching him lightly on the arm, making him chuckle. “So ... I heard you got a new partner.”

“Oh yeah, well I was practically forced actually ... But he’s a good guy.”

“Android, you mean?” You questioned, crossing your arms.

“Things changed (Y/N), and believe me when I tell you that he’s ...” He turned to Connor only to find him looking at you with his mouth open, and frozen?

“Jesus Christ, Nevermind ...” Hank shook his head and facepalmed himself, making you chuckle.

“Connor, close your fucking mouth before any flies get in. This is (Y/N), she was my partner before I was assigned to your ass.” Hank snapped at the poor Android that looked embarrassed. “I don’t know what’s got into him ... But anyway, I heard some people spreading the news already, congratulation Lieutenant (Y/LN), I’m impressed.”

“Oh stop it ...” Your cheeks began to turn into a rosy shade.

( Connor’s View )

How can she look so beautiful without even trying ...

Software Instability ^^^

What is this feeling ... Wait, feeling?

Software Instability ^^^

No, it can’t be ...

“Hey, Connor, you alright?”

His thoughts were interrupted by her soft voice, he could feel his Thirium pump beat through his chest again. How could a human make him feel like this? He became Deviant, but he never thought that one day he would ever get to experience such emotions.

“Yes, I’m alright ... I’m so sorry, let me introduce myself properly.” He quickly got up from his chair almost stumbling, making you smile. “It’s okay, just don’t hurt yourself.”

The moment he touched your hand, he felt something inside of him, something he had never experienced but then his readings made him look at you differently.

“Connor ... can you let go of my hand?” She asked nervously, looking quickly to Hank for help. “Hey Connor, that’s enough ...” Hank tried to intervene but Connor’s grip was stronger.

“My readings are telling me that you’re ...”

“RK800 ... Let go of Lieutenant (Y/LN)’s hand NOW!” Fowler’s voice echoed through the entire Office, startling Connor and everybody. “I’m sorry Captain Fowler but ...”

“LET GO OF HER HAND NOW, THAT’S AN ORDER!”

Connor turned to look at you, noticing your stare and your body language completely changing. “Let go of my hand ... if you know what’s better for you.” And he finally did. Hank immediately pushed Connor away from you. “Let me see your hand.”

“It’s fine Hank, let’s just get out of here.”

Connor watched both of you leave the office, everybody's eyes were on him, but quickly returned to their work. He felt a heaviness within him, as he sank down on his chair.

“I told you didn’t I ...” Gavin teased Connor as he walked by his desk. “Hank’s favorite ...” Laughing at Connor’s embarrassment.

“I know what I felt ...” He said to himself.

Software Instability ^^^

( Y/N’s View )

“Jesus fucking Christ ... (Y/N), I don’t know what happened back there, but I promise you, Connor isn’t usually like this.” Hank reassure you, as the both of you walked down to his car. “It’s okay Hank, he didn’t hurt me, see?” Raising your right hand, you showed no sign of bruise or wound. “Although ... There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Yeah, what is it?” He asked as he turned the engine of his car. “Actually, why don’t I buy you a drink and then we can talk about it?”

“Hm, San Francisco did change you ... Fine, as long I’m the one drinking.” He joked, even though you knew it was going to be the case. “But with one condition.”

“Hm?”

“Bring Connor with you.”

TAG LIST IS OPEN!

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late-nite-student-ramblings · 5 years

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Reflection of my first year- Highschool vs University.

So you’ve probably heard it from all of your teachers in high school, I know I did.

“They’re not going to be this ___ in college” the blank usually being something along the lines of “on your ass/ lenient/ understanding/tolerant/etc”. So I’m here to approve/disprove some common ideas passed on and maybe ease your mind. Or make you more worried, however you want to see it.

Keep in mind these are from a public university student’s POV so I can’t speak for everyone.

1) “It’s going to be tougher in college”

Well yes and no. That’s how schooling works, every year you move up the material gets harder so that you can advance in your knowledge. It’d be kind of useless if we just kept learning the same level of material year after year. However, I think what they meant to say was that it got exponentially harder in college and I don’t think this is the case, especially not for the first year.

2) “These people earned their degrees so they’re going to demand respect and you’ll have to call them Dr./Mrs./Mr/ whatever”

Not true, some of my best professors went by their first name. One actually would forget to respond if you called him “professor” because he always went by his first name. Being on a first-name basis is usually something the professor covers in the first class so if they tell you which to call them great! Call them that. If they don’t, maybe ask or stick with “professor” until it’s made clear.

3) “No one’s going to hold your hand/No one’s going to remind you./They’ll just refer you to the syllabus”

Wrong, at least for the first year. The syllabus is a thing that most professors use and it would do you well to print them out and look at it from time to time so you aren’t completely lost. That being said, all of my professors did help us out in some way, some more than others. My maths profs would send out emails telling us the hw every week and, a week before finals, sent out emails every other day reminding us about the final’s time/location, English prof would remind us a week in advance and have in-class workshops before papers were due. Our criminal justice AI (Assistant Instructor) wrote up and gave us the rubric she’d be using to grade our book reviews.

When teaching lower-level classes, professors know they’re going to be teaching mostly first-years and understand it does no good to just throw you in the fire.

4) “You’ll have to learn to be responsible”

100%. This is very vague but it is true, not only in academics but in your personal life too. Time management is the biggest factor. College is a lot less condensed than high-school meaning more free time. Even when I took 17.5 credit hours I still had plenty of time on my hands. The challenge is how to handle that time. It’s going to be so tempting to go to forget about the assignments because it’s not due every day or the paper is due next month. Use your first year to learn about your study habits and what works best for you to learn the material. And I don’t recommend doing all your hw the day before, even if you can. While it is important to get your work done it’s also important that you aren’t falling apart at the seams from stress. Be responsible for yourself.

5) “They won’t stand tardiness, the doors will be locked and sucks to suck”

Depends on the professor but usually not. I’ve seen people walk out of class 20 min early, I’ve been 10 min late for class a couple of times. Went to office hours got notes I missed. Most profs don’t mind as long as you aren’t disrupting the class. I’ve even seen a kid run into an exam 30 min late, poor kid overslept. I have had the occasional stickler for being on time but after a while its shown not to be worth policing students like that.

Don’t make a habit of it though. They get it, life happens, people oversleep, busses are late, and what have you. But understand that there are some things that punctuality is vital, meetings with a professor, exams (unless you think you can do the exam in half the time, you’re paying for it), interviews, labs (you usually need all the time you can get with those).

Edit: 6) “Don’t take an 8am you’ll hate yourself”

I’ve heard this more from advice online but I’m still going to put it here anyway. 8ams aren’t that bad. When you wake up in hs for an 8am you’re also waking up to do nothing but sit and listen for the next 8 hours nonstop. This is extremely different than waking up for an hour maybe two hours worth of sitting in a lecture at a time and more later. I had somewhere to be by 8am every day of the week and it's honestly something you get used to. Any starting class time is early if your sleep schedule’s fucked. My advice? Adjust and regulate your sleep schedule. Find out how much sleep you need to be a useful, productive, decent human being and count backward.

7) “All the classes are so big/the professors won’t know you”

True but it depends. I’ve had both large (150+) and small classes (20 ish) and it is entirely possible the professor will not know you in either situation.

With professors knowing you, that is usually up to you. I ask a lot of questions both in and out of class. I can guarantee that if you go to office hours consistently they will eventually learn your face. I ended up going to almost every one of my calc 1 profs office hours (meaning I saw him around an hour a day 4 days a week). Emailed him a thank you at the end of the semester and he actually referenced back to a small conversation we had towards the beginning of the year. So if you want the prof to notice you, ask every question you have, even if its a clarification question. if you have too many write them down and go to office hours.

Feel free to add your own experience or ask about a rumor you’ve heard! Happy to clarify anything in the post or just have a chat.

All the best,

-E

#college #College Tips #University #university life #studyblr #student tips #First year tips #first year #myth vs fact #first year reflection #Professors #university tips #incoming #college life #high school #high school v university #high school v college

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calliecat93 · 5 years

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RvB17 Episode 4 Review: Breaching the Torus

Fun fact: a torus is a shape that looks like... well a donut. Yeah, the episode title is literally ‘Breaching Donut’. Well with a title like that, I expect only wholesome things form an episode that picks up right after Genkins screws over Donut and Wash’s plans! Leaving the universe certain to be wiped out by the evil time God AI... algorithm... whatever! Let's just jump in already!

Overview

We begin where we left off, Chrovos is gloating as her prison continues to fracture. But she doesn't get far in her evil gloating as Wash essentially tells her to shut the fuck up before heading for the Everwhen. Yeah, with the Time Gun out, getting the guys to realize what's wrong is really the only viable option. Wash immediately regrets this since he has no idea what to do along the Everwhen, but Donut explains it to him and gets him to focus on a memory that they're both in. Three guesses on which one Wash picks, and the first two don't count!

Yeah... Donut gets shot. Again. This time with Wash feeling bad and apologizing before going a few seconds back and stopping himself from pulling the trigger. This is the greatest running gag ever. Of all time. Anyways, the two talk about what to do next while poor Simmons is just confused by everything happening. They ultimately decide that they need to go back to a strong memory where Genkins is likely to go to. But Donut points out that they need to cause as little damage to the timeline as possible and keep things on track... so naturally, Wash shoots him to keep S7's finale intact. Poor Donut.

The two go back to S13 in a moment that I can't remember if it actually happened or not. It's before Felix and Locus went to activate The Purge and got a beatdown from the Freelancer duo. Wash is in the middle of a motivational speech when past him and Donut possess themselves. Wash tries to get Donut to explain... but after accidentally spouting and entendre, he knows he's not going to be believed and has Wash do it. Wash proceeds to try and convince the guys not necessarily about Chrovos, but that they're experiencing deja vu and that something much greater is about to wash over them (that pun was not intentional BTW). But it's okay, because they win the fight that they're about to go into, and they keep winning again and again. For now, they need to forget the Purge. They need to forget Chorus. They need to focus on what's about to come and trust Wash at his word.

It's a very well done speech and performed very well by Shannon McCormick, as always. It seems to work as the guys, while confused, all agree to follow Wash... until Genkins, whose possessing Epsilon, twists it around. He essentially makes it look like Wash is having a shell-shocked veteran moment, which Carolina agrees with and is very much concerned. This causes Wash to give a sharp 'Of course you wouldn't believe me, Carolina" in a very clear venomous tone. Even Tucker and Grif are shocked by it. Wash does catch himself, but Carolina is confused on why Wash would talk to her like that and 'Epsilon' suggests that he go take a walk. Wash does do, Donut chasing after him.

So yeah... they came close, but the attempt was not great. Wash, however, is not up for hearing Donut point this out, his anger at Carolina lying to him about his brain damage now back at full force. Donut points out that technically, he no longer has it since she saved him. That doesn't exactly make Wash any less pissed, but Donut keeps going. He points out that despite knowing the risk, Carolina still decided to try and save Wash because she cared about him. She was on the verge of tears when she brought it up... which Donut had left by then so him saying that he had been there makes no sense, but with time fucked up, I'll let it slide. Anyways, Wash realizes how angry he really got and just how much baggage about everything he's got. Right now though, they need to focus on the matter at hand, so time to go to another memory.

And... back to the S7 finale! This time it's Donut's fault, haha! They soon manage to get to when Lopez was shot, but before Donut. As Simmons frets over Lopez, Wash and Donut walk off to talk about what to do now. They realize that Epsilon had indeed been possessed by Genkins at that point, so plain convincing isn't going to work. But... Donut realizes something. He didn't necessarily convince Wash of anything, he just got him to believe in something that was impossible for him to have known. That is the key. Everyone has deja vu. They know that something is wrong, just not what. They need something to shock them into remembering. They need to see something that they shouldn't know about but recognize anyways. Simmons walks over, still confused and pretty much going 'WTF?!' to Wash for shooting Lopez. But this gets Wash to realize something... at this point, Simmons had only met him maybe a year ago. But what if he showed up when he wasn't supposed to? Like, say... during the Blood Gulch Chronicles? If he did, and the guys recognized him despite not knowing him at that point, it may be just the shock that they need to snap back to normal.

With the new plan, Donut and Wash jump forward to Blood Gulch. Donut arrives at the canyon... but Wash isn't there. Which of course he wouldn't be, this was before any of the BGC met him. Problem is that Donut doesn't know where he sent him. We cut to Wash, standing at a beached area. He tries to figure out where and when he currently is when a voice comes over the radio. A Lee Eddy voice... and there's no accent, so no it's not Chrovos. In other words... it's 479er calling from Command to find out where Wash is. Or, specifically, where Recovery One is. My friends, welcome back to Recovery One.

Review

This episode was short, clocking in at nine minutes, but man it was SO GOOD! I've been very curious about how this Wash and Donut dynamic would go. They haven't exactly had many interactions outside the S7 finale, and we all know how that went. But God... it is SUCH a good dynamic. They're both dorky morons, so there's that going for them. Donut's a little goofier and cheerful, Wash is more serious but still capable of his lighter moments. They really played off of each other well, both listening to each other and figuring out step by step their next course of action. It's funny, it moves things forward, and really sells this newfound comradery really well. Very well done~

Not only do the two characters play off each other well, but we got plenty of character development stuff. Donut's clearly still frustrated about not being listened to, especially when everyone goes and listens to Wash easily. Wash still has a TON of baggage towards Carolina and how she lied to him. He can't repress that, as we saw with the pure venom he directed at her even though she doesn't remember any of those events. And his hesitance when Donut brings up that they're going to have to save her after the guys... it hurt. I mean we all know that Wash will ultimately do it, but the fact that he hesitated because of how hurt Carolina made him feel... damn man. When Carolina gets her memory back, it is gonna hurt. And even with his own issues, Donut still tried to help Wash through his, which displays a lot of emotional maturity on his part. It's been really great to see more of Donut's character, and his and Wash's talk really shows how great they both are

There's plenty of feelsy moments, but also plenty of funny ones. S7's finale becoming a running gag is frekain' hilarious. Donut essentially resigning himself to his fate, Wash feeling guilty every single time, Simmons freaking out and just being confused by everything going on around him. Seriously, he's gonna be SO pissed when he comes to and realizes how many times he had to relive that moment. Also, Kimball's clear confusion when Wash gives his speech, haha! You can just feel the awkwardness emitting off of her. Lindsay only had like... two short lines, but God she nailed the mood. It was a great balance of hilarious and feelsy without feeling rushed or forced in. Jason has done such a great job with the writing, and this episode really shows his talents I feel.

What's also good is that so far, every episode has advanced the plot in some way. As much as I love S16 and will defend it from the more vicious hate it gets... yeah the pacing had issues. It had things happening, but it took far too long for Joe to get to anything truly impactful. I can see why he went that route, but it still made it kind of annoying that whenever it looked like we were getting to a plot point, it sidetracked to something else. I guess that he learned that when he plotted the season (or it's Jason's own doing) because every episode has moved things along swimmingly. There's very little padding or filler. We get to something, have a nice little time with it, and move to the next thing. Here we had a nice romp of the new S7 running gag, had Wash make an attempt with saving the guys, get a little character development for both him and Donut, and onto the next plot point. It's going fast, but it never feels rushed. Like... I'm starting to get why they may have gone with a 12 episode count because if that cut down on padding and needing to stretch things out to hit that count, it would hurt it more than help it.

So now we come to what's coming up next. First, we now know the next plan: have Wash arrive at Blood Gulch and shock the guys into remembering since they shouldn't know Wash yet, but if they recognize him it'll do what Donut did to Wash in Episode 3. The only problem is... well, Wash wasn't at Blood Gulch during Blood Gulch. So hopefully Donut picked a point before everyone got transferred out, haha... anyways. So yeah... looks like Wash is about to relive Recovery One. Which leaves a TON of open possibilities. He has the chance to save certain people and correct any mistakes. Which means dealing with his lingering guilt and pain over everything. But he also has a mission: to save his current team. Which may mean having to abandon Recovery One which is not only going to cause plenty of problems with the Freelancers but having to abandon his old friends to save his current ones... yeah that is going to hurt. Considering that Miles 'I'm going to have Pyrrha die in the most heartbreaking way possible in RWBY' Luna is writing the next episode... yeah... prepare your graves, everyone.

So here's what I think is going to happen. Either at the end of next week's episode or in Episode 6, Wash will arrive in Blood Gulch and whoever is all still there will snap back to normal. The second half of the season will focus on both getting everyone left back to normal and on how to stop Chrovos before she breaks out and Genkins before he makes anything worst. And we still have plenty of feels material with Donut still being frustrated, Wash and Carolina's issues, and for conflicts that haven't come up in awhile... well... Grif still needs to know about Huggins. Boy is THAT ONE gonna be fun, haha... but yeah! I could be wrong, but I can't see them stretching out the memory stuff much longer, so the halfway point seems like a good place to get the majority out of it. We'll see.

Final Thoughts

This season has been great so far. Great Wash and Donut dynamic, a great blend of funny moments and character development, wasting no time in getting the plot moving, it's been such a fun ride. And with the ending, we have plenty more to look forward to. This is easily becoming a great season, and it hopefully just keeps getting better and better. Great episode and now, if you all will excuse me, it's time to prepare my grave for when Miles utterly breaks us all next week! Yay!!!

#rvb #rvb17 #rvb spoilers #rvb reviews #callie reviews

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bfxenon · 3 years

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Google Local Filler Content Isn't Good UX, and Needs Revisions

Did you ever turn in a school paper full of vague ramblings, hoping your teacher wouldn’t notice that you’d failed to read the assigned book?

I admit, I once helped my little sister fulfill a required word count with analogies about “waves crashing against the rocks of adversity” when she, for some reason, overlooked reading The Communist Manifesto in high school. She got an A on her paper, but that isn’t the mark I’d give Google when there isn’t enough content to legitimately fill them local packs, Local Finders, and Maps.

The presence of irrelevant listings in response to important local queries:

Makes it unnecessarily difficult for searchers to find what they need

Makes it harder for relevant businesses to compete

Creates a false impression of bountiful local choice of resources, resulting in disappointing UX

Today, we’ll look at some original data in an attempt to quantify the extent of this problem, and explore what Google and local businesses can do about it.

What’s meant by “local filler” content and why is it such a problem?

The above screenshot captures the local pack results for a very specific search for a gastroenterologist in Angels Camp, California. In its effort to show me a pack, Google has scrambled together results that are two-thirds irrelevant to the full intent of my query, since I am not looking for either an eye care center or a pediatrician. The third result is better, even though Google had to travel about 15 miles from my specified search city to get it, because Dr. Eddi is, at least, a gastroenterologist.

It’s rather frustrating to see Google allowing the one accurate specialist to be outranked by two random local medical entities, perhaps simply because they are closer to home. It obviously won’t do to have an optometrist or children’s doctor consult with me on digestive health, and unfortunately, the situation becomes even odder when we click through to the local finder:

Of the twenty results Google has pulled together to make up the first page of the local finder, only two are actually gastroenterologists, lost in the weeds of podiatrists, orthopedic surgeons, general MDs, and a few clinics with no clarity as to whether their presence in the results relates to having a digestive health specialists on staff . Zero of the listed gastroenterologists are in the town I’ve specified. The relevance ratio is quite poor for the user and shapes a daunting environment for appropriate practitioners who need to be found in all this mess.

You may have read me writing before about local SEO seeking to build the online mirror of real-world communities. That’s the ideal: ensuring that towns and cities have an excellent digital reference guide to the local resources available to them. Yet when I fact-checked with the real world (calling medical practices around this particular town), I found that there actually are no gastroenterologists in Angels Camp, even though Google’s results might make it look like there must be. What I heard from locals is that you must either take a 25 minute drive to Sonora to see a GI doctor, or head west for an hour and fifteen minutes to Modesto for appropriate care.

Google has yoked itself to AI, but the present state of search leaves it up to my human intelligence to realize that the SERPs are making empty promises, and that there are, in fact, no GI docs in Angels Camp. This is what a neighbor, primary care doctor, or local business association would tell me if I was considering moving to this community and needed to be close to specialists. But Google tells me that there are more than 23 million organic choices relevant to my requirements, and scores of local business listings that so closely match my intent, they deserve pride of place in 3-packs, Finders and Maps.

The most material end result for the Google user is that they will likely experience unnecessary fatigue wasting time on the phone calling irrelevant doctors at a moment when they are in serious need of help from an appropriate professional. As a local SEO, I’m conditioned to look at local business categories and can weed out useless content almost automatically because of this, but is the average searcher noticing the truncated “eye care cent…” on the above listing? They’re almost certainly not using a Chrome extension like GMB Spy to see all the possible listing categories since Google decided to hide them years ago.

On a more philosophical note, my concern with local SERPs made up of irrelevant filler content is that they create a false picture of local bounty. As I recently mentioned to Marie Haynes:

The work of local businesses (and local SEOs!) derives its deepest meaning from providing and promoting essential local resources. Google’s inaccurate depiction of abundance could, even if in a small way, contribute to public apathy. The truth is that the US is facing a severe shortage of doctors, and anything that doesn’t reflect this reality could, potentially, undermine public action on issues like why our country, unlike the majority of nations, doesn’t make higher education free or affordable so that young people can become the medical professionals and other essential services providers we unquestionably need to be a functional society. Public well-being depends on complete accuracy in such matters.

As a local SEO, I want a truthful depiction of how well-resourced each community really is on the map, as a component of societal thought and decision-making. We’re all coping with public health and environmental emergencies now and know in our bones how vital essential local services have become.

Just how big is the problem of local filler content?

If the SERPs were more like humans, my query for “gastroenterologist Angels Camp” would return something like a featured snippet stating, “Sorry, our index indicates there are no GI Docs in Angels Camp. You’ll need to look in Sonora or Modesto for nearest options.” It definitely wouldn’t create the present scenario of, “Bad digestive system? See an eye doctor!” that’s being implied by the current results. I wanted to learn just how big this problem has become for Google.

I looked at the local packs in 25 towns and cities across California of widely varying populations using the search phrase “gastroenterologist” and each of the localities. I noted how many of the results returned were within the city specified in my search and how many used “gastroenterologist” as their primary category. I even gave Google an advantage in this test by allowing entries that didn’t use gastroenterologist as their primary category but that did have some version of that word in their business title (making the specialty clearer to the user) to be included in Google’s wins column. Of the 150 total data points I checked, here is what I found:

42% of the content Google presented in local packs had no obvious connection to gastroenterology. It’s a shocking number, honestly. Imagine the number of wearying, irrelevant calls patients may be making seeking digestive health consultation if nearly half of the practices listed are not in this field of medicine.

A pattern I noticed in my small sample set is that larger cities had the most relevant results. Smaller towns and rural areas had much poorer relevance ratios. Meanwhile, Google is more accurate as to returning results within the query’s city, as shown by these numbers:

The trouble is, what looks like more of a win for Google here doesn’t actually chalk up as a win for searchers. In my data set, where Google was accurate in showing results from my specified city, the entities were often simply not GI doctors. There were instances in which all 3 results got the city right, but zero of the results got the specialty right. In fact, in one very bizarre case, Google showed me this:

Welders aside, it’s important to remember that our initial Angels Camp example demonstrated how the searcher, encountering a pack with filler listings in it and drilling down further into the Local Finder results for help may actually end up with even less relevance. Instead of two-out-of-three local pack entries being useless to them, they may end up with two-out-of-twenty unhelpful listings, with relevance consigned to obscurity.

And, of course, filler listings aren’t confined to medical categories. I engaged in this little survey because I’d noticed how often, in category after category, the user experience is less-than-ideal.

What should Google do to lessen the poor UX of irrelevant listings?

Remember that we’re not talking about spam here. That’s a completely different headache in Googleland. I saw no instances of spam in my data. The welder was not trying to pass himself off as a doctor. Rather, what we have here appears to be a case of Google weighting location keywords over goods/services keywords, even when it makes no sense to do so.

Google needs to develop logic that excludes extremely irrelevant listings for specific head terms to improve UX. How might this logic work?

1. Google could rely more on their own categories. Going back to our original example in which an eye care center is the #1 ranked result for “gastroenterologist angels camp”, we can use GMB Spy to check if any of the categories chosen by the business is “gastroenterologist”:

Google can, of course, see all the categories, and this lack of “gastroenterologist” among them should be a big “no” vote on showing the listing for our query.

2. Google could cross check the categories with the oft-disregarded business description:

Again, no mention of gastroenterological services there. Another “no” vote.

3. Google could run sentiment analysis on the reviews for an entity, checking to see if they contain the search phrase:

Lots of mentions of eye care here, but the body of reviews contains zero mentions of intestinal health. Another “no” vote.

4. Google could cross check the specified search phrases against all the knowledge they have from their crawls of the entity’s website:

This activity should confirm that there is no on-site reference to Dr. Haymond being anything other than an ophthalmologist . Then Google would need to make a calculation to downgrade the significance of the location (Angels Camp) based on internal logic that specifies that a user looking for a gastroenterologist in a city would prefer to see gastroenterologists a bit farther away than seeing eye doctors (or welders) nearby. So, this would be another “no” vote for inclusion as a result for our query.

5. Finally, Google could cross reference this crawl of the website against their wider crawl of the web:

This should act as a good, final confirmation that Dr. Haymond is an eye doctor rather than a gastroenterologist, even if he is in our desired city, and give us a fifth “no” vote for bringing his listing up in response to our query.

The web is vast, and so is Google’s job, but I believe the key to resolving this particular type of filler content is for Google to rely more on the knowledge they have of an entity’s vertical and less on their knowledge of its location. A diner may be willing to swap out tacos for pizza if there’s a Mexican restaurant a block away but no pizzerias in town, but in these YMYL categories, the same logic should not apply.

It’s not uncommon for Google to exclude local results from appearing at all when their existing logic tells them there isn’t a good answer. It’s tempting to say that solving the filler content problem depends on Google expanding the number of results for which they don’t show local listings. But, I don’t think this is a good solution, because the user then commonly sees irrelevant organic entries, instead of local ones. It seems to me that a better path is for Google to expand the radius of local SERPs for a greater number of queries so that a search like ours receives a map of the nearest gastroenterologists, with closer, superfluous businesses filtered out.

What should you do if a local business you’re promoting is getting lost amid filler listings?

SEO is going to be the short answer to this problem. It’s true that you can click the “send feedback” link at the bottom of the local finder, Google Maps or an organic SERP, and fill out form like this, with a screenshot:

However, my lone report of dissatisfaction with SERP quality is unlikely to get Google to change the results. Perhaps if they received multiple reports…

More practically-speaking, if a business you’re promoting is getting lost amid irrelevant listings, search engine optimization will be your strongest tool for convincing Google that you are, in fact, the better answer. In our study, we realized that there are, in fact, no GI docs in Angels Camp, and that the nearest one is about fifteen miles away. If you were in charge of marketing this particular specialist, you could consider:

1. Gaining a foothold in nearby towns and cities

Recommend that the doctor develop real-world relationships with neighboring towns from which he would like to receive more clients. Perhaps, for example, he has hospital privileges, or participates in clinics or seminars in these other locales.

2. Writing about locality relationships

Publish content on the website highlighting these relationships and activities to begin associating the client’s name with a wider radius of localities.

3. Expanding the linktation radius

Seek relevant links and unstructured citations from the neighboring cities and towns, on the basis of these relationships and participation in a variety of community activities.

4. Customizing review requests based on customers’ addresses

If you know your customers well, consider wording review requests to prompt them to mention why it’s worth it to them to travel from X location for goods/services (nota bene: medical professionals, of course, need to be highly conversant with HIPPA compliance when it comes to online reputation management).

5. Filling out your listings to the max

Definitely do give Google and other local business listing platforms the maximum amount of information about the business you’re marketing (Moz Local can help!) . Fill out all the fields and give a try to functions like Google Posts, product listings, and Q&A.

6. Sowing your seeds beyond the walled garden

Pursue an active social media, video, industry, local news, print, radio, and television presence to the extent that your time and budget allows. Google’s walled garden, as defined by my friend, Dr. Pete, is not the only place to build your brand. And, if my other pal, Cyrus Shepard, is right, anti-trust litigation could even bring us to a day when Google’s own ramparts become less impermeable. In the meantime, work at being found beyond Google while you continue to grapple with visibility within their environment.

Study habits

It’s one thing for a student to fudge a book report, but squeaking by can become a negative lifelong habit if it isn’t caught early. I’m sure any Google staffer taking the time to actually read through the local packs in my survey would agree that they don’t rate an A+.

I’ve been in local SEO long enough to remember when Google first created their local index with filler content pulled together from other sources, without business owners having any idea they were even being represented online, and these early study habits seem to have stuck with the company when it comes to internal decision making that ends up having huge real-world impacts. The recent title tag tweak that is rewriting erroneous titles for vaccine landing pages is a concerning example of this lack of foresight and meticulousness.

If I could create a syllabus for Google’s local department, it would begin with separating out categories of the greatest significance to human health and safety and putting them through a rigorous, permanent manual review process to ensure that results are as accurate as possible, and as free from spam, scams, and useless filler content as the reviewers can make them. Google has basically got all of the money and talent in the world to put towards quality, and ethics would suggest they are obliged to make the investment.

Society deserves accurate search results delivered by studious providers, and rural and urban areas are worthy of equal quality commitments and a more nuanced approach than one-size-fits all. Too often, in Local, Google is flunking for want of respecting real-world realities. Let’s hope they start applying themselves to the fullest of their potential.

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nutrifami · 3 years