#and i revisit it sometimes when im stressed

[cerealmonster15]

i finally made a folder of my google docs re: twst fics/plannings and looking at the names are so fun bc a lot of them i didnt use the final fic name [if it got published] so sometimes it's just a placeholder [especially if it's just notes/ideas and not a fic] and some dont have a title at all and just auto used the first few words of the doc so i have like

i think only like 5ish of these have their ao3 titles on them / on two separate occasions i named an apple juice fic prompt doc the same thing except for literally just one has an extra ! and they were like 2 months apart......... i even checked bc i thought for some reason the doc duplicated themselves but no, those are just two completely different fics, they just both happened to be Apple Juice Kiss Prompts jvdjfdsljg i didnt do that w/any of the other kiss prompt docs but. whatever i guess!!

it's a fun guessing game on looking at the titles and trying to remember which ones they are. they date back to like 2021 when i moved from word docs to google so i could more easily share them with my friend since i wasnt really publishing anything at first lol.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I very much loved what you wrote for my ask makes me happy in my tummy.

Here's another ask hope it's not a lot for you how about a reader who's looks like those circus carousel horses, Being all pretty and sparkly with the TADC crew or just caine if you want light work!

♡Sleep well♡

U(•ㅅ•)U

TADC cast x reader who is a carousel horse!

that post sillyness (meltdown) slump is really hitting, but i feel bad for not answering requests yesterday... think i might answer one or two today, and perhaps write some stuff for myself in between doing the stuff i need to get done today apolocheese if this is a little shorter than usual </3 admin is still a lil WAAAAAAA and theyre on a time crunch (writing on computer today, but it needs to restart soon for an update)

CAINE:

oh i just know hes going to be going crazy over this, its not often that you get circus themed members around in the digital circus, so hes so hyped to have someone who can at least somewhat fit into that (admin must admit, they know next to nothing about carousels). probably makes themed IHA based around you and your whole thing; whatever that might mean... if youre shiny and/or reflective i just know hes going to pretend to check himself out in your reflections, does it usually to get a laugh out of you if youre having a bad day. gives you loads of new accessories and such

POMNI:

very shiny very pretty. i think pomni would like shiny things, but that might be self projection. kind of looks at you with that huge eyed look she got when she saw her door and/or her reflection in the pilot. looks but doesnt touch because she doesnt want to breach any boundaries. you can easily carry her, probably. shes tiny... though you will have to ask her and warn her before you just decide to pick her up since i dont think she would be cool with you just treating her like some house cat (snorts). subconsciously messes with your hair/mane when you two are hugging/snuggling each other

RAGATHA:

makes her own accessories to give to you. she thinks youre really pretty! very well crafted stuff, me thinks. offers to do your hair and tail (if you have one) every now and then! perhaps even offers to polish you up in hard to reach spots such as your back! generally very nice and lets you know that she thinks youre pretty... bonus if you have some sort of music ambience that plays around you most of the time that tends to reflect your mood, she ends up using that as a little indicator of how youre feeling.... perhaps you two slow dance together to one of your songs.... ponders

JAX:

originally i was going to say he jokes about wanting to ride you but then i realized how that sounded and i am not about that life (i say as i still put it in the post because it aint that serious) but you know, because youre a horse? but also while i was writing caines part, i mention that he checks his reflection if youre... well reflective... i feel like jax would do the same thing, but be more obnoxious about it... like im talking hes fully leaning into it, cleaning the gaps in between his teeth, slicking his ears back. the works, you know? probably snags your ribbons and such every now and then so youre forced to talk to him, he thinks its funny even if its kind of a dick move, but its.. jax, are we really surprised?

KINGER:

similar to pomni i can kind of see kinger also liking shiny stuff but i think this time its just the admin self projecting. probably collects little trinkets he finds that remind him of you and gifts them to you. pretty combs, ribbons, rocks, ect. i think its sweet, basically saying "hey, i thought about you!" you know? sometimes you let him stroke your hair when hes stressed out, works like a charm. revisiting the musical ambience idea, you tend to play the general music that plays during carousel rides, but every now and then it turns into a softer and calmer tune, and that does wonders for kinger after a long and hard day... shrugs

ZOOBLE:

as mean as it sounds you are kind of the opposite of the things like find interest in, since admin hcs that zooble is into the macabre and spooky, you know? but thats not to say that they dont like you! quite the contrary, actually! they have an understanding that you didnt choose this body.. thinks... ooo imagine how funny it would be if youre this really pretty horse with pretty music but you share the same interests as them... i dont now i always liked that trope. cute/innocent character being into scary stuff, intimidating/unconventionally cute character being into sweet and cute stuff.. thinks... sometimes helps you style yourself if youre interested in a new look

GANGLE:

also thinks youre very pretty! probably has made drawings of you and gifted them to you! sometimes redoes the ribbons you wear in your hair and as accessories. very good at making bows and such! might even sometimes help you with your makeup, if you wear any + if its able to be taken off... since, you know... digital bodies and stuff... hmm.. not many thoughts for gangle, at least not any unique ones that havent been said already in general/in this post... apologies gangle nation admin just struggles to write her

[madisonrooney]

no one probably cares but. i wanna stress how big of a deal it is for me that im rewatching chunks of hannah montana, even if not the full series and even if out of order. not so much in the sense that it does bring up a lot of trauma (tho there is that...BUT i am pretty deliberately avoiding season 4 for that reason) but in the sense that like.

yknow that meme thats like "im going to create rules for myself that are so unnecessary" bc thats very much me. idk if its an autism thing but i do that so much. so basically when i need background noise i make myself watch whatevers on live tv and if there arent any shows i like on, i put on a dvd. could i just put on a dvd or streaming just if i felt like it or preferred it to whats on tv? sure, but my thing is ive been doing this for so long that if i change it now, that shows i couldve changed it ages ago and have lost so many opportunities to watch whatever i wanted. so to me it makes more sense to keep it this way. its stupid idk.

but leading up to and since d23, i like. physically could not stop myself from watching some hannah montana like i HAD to. i had been revisiting clips and eventually i was just like i am holding back serotonin from myself i just need to give in. and i did and man the RUSH it has given me.

im not entirely sure what my point is in posting this...ive wanted to for a few days but now im forgetting why lmao. tho im p sure its just that when i say "ive been rewatching some hm" its not as common of an occurence as you might think and just shows the deep state of brainrot im at rn, and im fucking loving it!!!!! not only have i spent so long struggling to hyperfixate on anything, but there were def periods over the last 15 years where i felt like i was forcing hm onto myself. not to say i didnt love it all throughout, but sometimes i would push it on myself when i was having an off day or more in the mood for a different hyperfixation. to come back to it so NATURALLY and PURELY and STRONGLY and GENUINELY!!!!! it feels so good!!!! and its just like...idk super heartwarming to me.

and i guess my other point is that i need to remind myself that there are easy things i can do to make myself happy that i prevent myself from doing for literally no reason so i need to work on that but at least this is a step in the right direction. like how i would force myself to catch up on the instagram stories of literally everyone i follow for hours and it would feel like a chore, when i could be doing something fun, especially with my few free hours on a work day. thankfully ive gotten myself out of that habit too but im sure there are some more walls i can knock down.

[flaylore]

DIRECTORY (2024)

Jan 1, 2024, Red Mecha Pilot Tries Blender To Make Goo Cat!!!!!!

As Flayon’s about to end the stream, he reminds viewers to love themselves… and for a split second, his eyes swirls, telling them to never leave him.

Jan 2, 2024

‘Can you have a late growth spurt in your 18000's???’

Jan 4, 2024

'i cant wash the black strands out of my hair so i guess i didnt dye it WEIRD'

Jan 4, 2024

imo it looks like it's spreading

Jan 6, 2024, The Roons Got Me A Place At Time Square!!! || + Granblue Fantasy

Flayon starts to pan over a fanart of X. The screen glitches as he stares at it, saying nothing. He turns the page and the glitching stops.

MINOR: Jan 8, 2024, 【debut watchalong】o . o

Flayon revisits his debut, occasionally interrupted by glitchy moments, and ends with a brief cameo of the original pilot that got his place taken by him. Please read the summary for more information.

MINOR: Jan 13, 2024, the anxiety of happiness roon

A new Machiroon asset was introduced, which warped into a scene where a figure with swirly eyes appears. Please read the summary for a more detailed information.

MAJOR: Jan 20, 2024, Content Warning|【Machiroon Appreciation+ NEW OUTFIT】AAAAAAAAA

He compares his old outfit and his recent one, lamenting how he has changed from before.

Jan 22, 2024, UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH II Sys:Celes] I Need To Play Kuon Immediately #sponsored #ad

Up until this point, Flayon’s height is 171cm.

Jan 30, 2024

‘there are many me and there are many you’

Feb 7, 2024 

‘THE RUBIX CUBE IS BEATING MY ASS’

‘its a mirror cube its so confusing’

‘apparently pre debut i was able to solve stuff like this so effortlessly’

‘idk what happened’

‘i cant pilot things like I used to either’

‘the memory is so hazy’

‘but maybe its better it stays buried’

Feb 11, 2024

‘Sometimes it feels as if the R-TRUS is going to destroy me from the inside’

‘Oh-oh shut down rtrus sometimes maybe- wait can rtrus be shut down?’

‘yes

if i have no energy then he won't work

or if im too stressed then he wont work

sometimes when im inside, he'll move on his own a bit

it hasn't been happening often but every now and then’

Feb 12, 2024

‘I’m losing apart of me every time I pilot…’

Feb 13, 2024,【POKEMON UNITE】Duo's w/ The Regis ALTARE, Hero of Elysium & Your Heart

R-TRUS was found in Xenokuni and Flayon gets visits from scientists.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon does not have a reflection in the mirror.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon questions if the person inside your reflection is a doppelganger rather than yourself.

MINOR: Feb 20, 2024, x teaser

This video is best watched in its entirety.

March 4, 2024 

‘Do you wanna know how it feels to be crushed by 100+ tons of reinforced X-metal? Just because the R-TRUS is big doesn’t mean your death will be quick You’ll feel your bones pull apart and slip out Your eyes will leave your sockets ever so slowly and if I aim right I can play’

‘around with you like food. not to mention if I choose to absorb your very life force into the R-TRUS It’s the equivalent of taking out your soil and throwing it into a sea of memories. You’ll experience all the pain of everyone who met their death to me Just when you think it’s’

‘over, the cycle will loop and I’ll use your remains as fuel which I will then have concentrated into energy that flows through my spinal cord Basically you’ll be connected to my nervous system and have to share each and every waking moment with me without being able to leave’

March 8, 2024

‘I’m getting rid of old clothes and there is a lot of oversized shirts/jackets/hoodies from school SLIGHTLY 

Nostalgic but I’m bitter about something when I see it too’

‘I have one green jacket that is made out of fleece and was way too big for me

idk how I wore that and why I would wear green’

Mar 12, 2024

‘japan public transportation so cool IM STILL CONFUSED but I can feel myself getting the hang of it just slowly’

(Someone asked if he parked the R-TRUS somewhere.)

‘i have him on standby at the guild

he keeps moving on his own sometimes

just lil twitches’

April 11, 2024, 【CORPSE PARTY】Nah, I'd Live (Does He Know?) | CONTENT WARNING

Flayon loses a lot of blood when he fights with the R-TRUS overdoing it.

April 12, 2024

‘This pilot is going to go back to sleep, that is a warning from my body that I need more rest 

Hard to understand it without the R-TRUS directly telling me what's wrong with me’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

This a series of clips where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

He reaffirms that he is a genius.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Rudely responding with, ‘What’s your problem?’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes grumbles as he confirms that the outfit he’s wearing is the one he wore when he attended Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes confirms that the TEMPUS members do not attend the Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes questions if the viewers actually want to be crushed by the R-TRUS.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes calls viewers filthy.

April 20, 2024,【UNARCHIVED KARAOKE】LET'S PARTY WITH THE BOYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎈【OFF COLLAB】

He turns into particles to teleport in and out of the R-TRUS. The sensations feels like it’s ripping his flesh apart, claiming that he’s used to it.

27 April, 2024

This a series of tweets where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

‘Do you know how painful it is to be the only one in Elysium with this kind of fire power? No other *mechs* except MINE? No one worth my time.. Until now. Do your best or you'll just become fuel for /my/ R-TRUS.’

[responding to a tweet congratulating Flayon, and pointing out his red eyes]

‘Hah?’

27 April, 2024

[responding to a tweet saying that they’re excited to fight him in Idol Showdown, 1st tweet, 2nd tweet]

27 April, 2024

[replying to a tweet of an image of X]

‘why did you send a blank image??’

May 1, 2024

[responding to yatogami fuma, who asked flayon to come over]

‘im afraid senpai

 i want to retreat to the insides. 

while i stay outside’

May 5, 2024

Flayon is referencing a monologue of his first post on Twitter/X, with updated information such as his age being 18433 years old and being put on leave after being questioned over his mental stability. Original monologue

My name is Machina X Flayon. I'm 18433 years old. I currently reside in Japan, an area associated with Xenokuni, with the rest of my guildmates and I am not married. I work as the mecha pilot for the TEMPUS GUILD, but was put on leave after the board questioned my mental stability

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he gets any weird alerts/updates from the R-TRUS when doesn’t get to use it]

‘his mental state mirrors mine’

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he’s worried he’d forget to pilot the R-TRUS if he doesn’t get to use it]

[an image of flayon with red eyes looking down disapprovingly, shadow looming over his face]

May 16, 2024, I am Hakumen. THE END HAS COME【BLAZBLUE: CENTRALFICTION】

Flayon has various weapons outside of the R-TRUS. He has his shields where he can propel off them, and his energy drinks that act as bombs that its properties similar to lava.

[socialcarcrash]

I completely agree with you about Sweets! His death was such a shame. How do you think he would have changed the dynamics in seasons 10 through 12 if he was still alive with the plots and characters (like Aubrey and Karen)?

AUBREY: im an aubrey-sweets friendship truther at heart, so first thing to acknowledge is the thing with aubreys dad.

We all know sweets has a slight obsession/ interest (depending on the perspective) with his friends childhoods, and that’s understandable. I can see him really helping him out at that time, and providing a perspective that would hopefully relieve the guilt he experiences after turning his dad in. also really random idea that popped into my brain!! aubrey is the most adhd coded guy ive ever seen, so i can see sweets waltzing past his desk and dropping off snacks and drinks to help him focus :)

i just think those two could have got super close. Aubrey clearly felt out of place when he first joined, a feeling that sweets shared and grew from so maybe he would have just provided that extra support for him!

KAREN: i havent got so much on this, cause i dont know her as well as i should, however; i know those ‘is psychology a real science’ debates would have got way more heated!!! its now 2v2, b&b and sweets and karen, i can see them sitting in the diner having the most heated debate ever seen and the rest of the diner is just sat silently like ‘what the fuck 0-0’.

I also think at first, sweets struggled having someone who pushed him and knew a lot about ‘his’ field, which comes with lots of special interests. (i get quite stressed if i meet a person who is into the same fields of physics that i am, especially if i am the person who is known for liking it amongst my group, and i think sweets probably has the same think). But he learns to talk with her and infodump about their theories and cases together! a form of healthy competition forms i think, one that eventually encourages them to work harder.

ZACK: i felt like it was important to mention him,even though i mentioned him in the last one, so ill just expand on this one a bit.

I just want to know what the team would have thought about sweets knowing all along that zack was innocent. What would they have felt? betrayed? understanding? sad? Maybe sweets would never have told them during this time, maybe he kept it a secret until he testified on the stand.

Sometimes i think the death of sweets is what prompted Zack to admit to never having killed anyone, so maybe if he was still alive Zack would still be there and no-one would ever know. That could give way for another new plot line where sweets lets it slip that zack was innocent, but maybe not. who knows :)

(now an extra cause i wanted to do him hes the loml)

HODGINS: this is a big one, cause the poor guy really goes through it (*cough* the doom in the boom *cough*). I love this arc, it gets way to much hate. disabled hodgins for the win!!

I think sweets totally understands his anger, and allows him to feel it (as he should!). But i think he would have put a stop to him taking it out on angela, cause it’s counterproductive to build barriers between those you love when you’re struggling. I can see hodgins (after the usual pestering from sweets for a while) just rocking up at his office looking ready to murder someone (so real) and sweets just lets him talk, and shout and probably cry a bit too.

I just think the adjustment wouldn’t have been easier, but he would have had a way to handle it better and that would mean so much!!!

okay cool im done (for now- i might revisit this idea later with a few other characters) :)

[nrdmssgs]

Your reminder to be self-indulgent

This blog is not my first experience in writing. However, this one is the first, where I deliberately stay as self-indulgent as I can. Even, if it seems cringy, even if there are people out there with other preferences and perspectives on my favorite characters. This was my personal goal, and today I've found the reason behind it, a real one.

A bit of backstory. Some time ago I've moved to another country. The last months before moving were crazy: there was a shit ton of packing, paperwork, organizational work, stresses and so forth. I knew, Im not going back. What I didn't know was that life would turn out in such a way that with a high probability I would not visit my hometown in the next 10-15 years (maybe longer). Sadly, I didn't have a chance to say a proper goodbye to my hometown. I wish I could just have a free day to roam around familiar places: to sit on a bench, where I had my first ever kiss, to visit my school and university, to walk in park, where I shared my first ever beer with a friend, to look into the courtyard of the house where I spent the first years of my life, maybe to take some photos, so that I have something, reminding me of those places. But it is what it is, and sometimes you don't have any free time during a few months.

This night I had a very comforting dream. I was once again in my hometown. There is a cinema theater in the very center of our city. It is a huge building with a massive concrete canopy (so massive, you can actually walk on it). Although you are not allowed to climb there - there was a way to do it and 20 years ago that area was not strictly supervised, so I've done that in my school years with my friends. So I see that canopy, remember the good old days, climb and walk along there. Then I hear someones voice. "You ok there? Need help with coming down?". I look down on a guy. Never met him before, but his face looks somewhat familiar. He looks up on me with confused eyes, yet a wide happy grin. Such a sunshine of human being. Obviously a tourist, not familiar with this place. "Nah, m fine, just hanging out here." But I climb down just to not let the guy down and ruin his day. "See? it's quite easy, if you know, where to climb." I start walking away, but he follows me and asks if I could show him any cool places around. "Only if you have a few hours, mate. Im planning quite a journey around my hometown." But this doesnt lessen his enthusiasm, he is quite happy to just hang out and see whatever I have to show him. And for the first time I dont care, that he is a tourist and I have to show him some museum/palace/fontain. I just... go through all those places, Ive originally wanted to say goodbye to, when I was leaving, not caring, he could find them insignificant. I dont tell him the real reason behind every place, we visit. Instead, I just joke around, I whistle my favorite songs, I feel free to yell at the driver who almost ran over us in the alley, and I treat my new friend with sweets that he can only taste there. And he encourages whatever I do, just lets me have a good time and is genuinely happy to be around. We visit many places I miss dearly.

I woke up today with my cheeks wet with tears of joy. This happened like 2-3 times in my life. Im just so happy, I've finally revisited all those places and by my side was someone, who just let me be myself. And only later, when brushing my teeth, Ive remembered the face of that guy. "Wait a minute, it was you all the time?" It was so funny, I didnt recognize him in my dream.

So how is this little story connected to self-indulgence? I believe, that by tinkering a safe space for yourself with your favourite characters and interesting for you personally stories, by revisiting this space on a weekly basis, you train your brain to always make some place for comfort. A place, where you can express your feelings and worries freely (even if this place is your own dream). Of course, I`m not encouraging anyone to replace professional help with fanfiction. But I think, this works really well as one of many-many instruments to maintain some peace of mind. So please consider this as your reminder to stay self-indulgent. It helps, it heals.

Oh, and regarding a guy from my dream? Yep, him.

[rhondafromhr]

hi!! i recently reread “maybe i’ll dance with temptation after all” and i have to say that im literally every fic you write your characters are so in charecter (especially steph!!)

so i guess my question is do you have any tips or tricks for writing the essence of the blorbos so well!?

Ahh, first off thank you so much!! It makes me so happy that you enjoy my fics and think I got the characters right <3 <3 <3 Steph is definitely really special to me bc I relate to her in a lot of ways so it makes me happy that you like my take on her!

One big thing I really like to do is revisit the canon material before writing something new, especially if I haven’t recently and periodically throughout longer fics. If I don’t have the time or energy to watch the whole NMT episode or musical I just skip around to the parts with the relevant characters. For example, when I realized Zoey was going to be a bigger part of the corruption au than I originally thought I rewatched Honey Queen for the bits with her in them. Then I just obsess and overanalyze to try and get down their manner of speaking, interactions with other characters, motives etc.

A lot of it’s kind of intuitive honestly, sometimes I’ll just vomit a scene onto the page and be like “yeah, I can picture them saying/doing that.” On the flip side, sometimes I’m like “eh, not sure if they would” and then ponder the age old question: would he fucking say that? If the answer is no, I can always rework it and figure out what he’d say instead or what circumstances might push him to say that.

Ironically, I think the biggest thing for me is not stressing myself out too much about exactly what the characters would do in canon and getting them just how the Langs would write them. I also think about what makes sense within the context and vibes in my story, what’s happening to them and the relationships they’re forming. Just kind of taking your interpretation of them based on the source material, running with it and having fun with it! And just being willing to try and possibly get it “wrong” - a lot of writing fic for me has been sort of learning what works for me through trial and error and that’s part of the fun!

Not sure if I explained it the best but I really hope this helps!!

[ennaku-sirri-da]

Hi @spooky-sharko !! I'm answering your s4m ask here because it's my sideblog for everything related to this game

You said:

Hey man so like remember that one time we talked about s4m ponytown pones in the replies of that Habiticians in places they shouldn’t be post? Well I just wanted to show ya some of mine rq!

And you sent:

[ ID: 3 screencaps of Ponytown ponies made out of Smile For Me game characters. The first is Dr. Habit as a short-horned unicorn, and his orange nose is represented as an orange patch mark on his face. He smiles serenely. His screen name holds a smiling emote and sunflowers. Next is Jerafina Tabouli as an unicorn with a happy while drunk, flushed expression on her face. Her screen name holds a wine glass and water drops. Last is Randy Hapukurk as a despondent pegasus with a pickle jar cutie mark. His screen name reads " Pickl boy" in allcaps with a pickle. End ID]

--

My answer: YEAH BRO I remember!!! I just put off replying to it Bcuz procrastination and stress. But it's so sweet of you to reach out again, so here are my ponies as well!!!

Yours are Motherfucking 👌👌👌 CUTE ( OK hand emojis )

Habits nose patch especially!! And I can imagine unicorn Jerafina wreaking Havoc with her spells HEHEJJE MAGICALLY AMPLIFIED BATHROOM KAROKE ANYONE ?!?! ( * Is thinking about how Sweetie Belle sang Hush Now Quiet Now* ) Randy seems like a Melancholic Boy who flies and sighs in the skies, spreading his utterly rancid scent over the heavens~~

Mine arreeee:

[ ID: The first pony is named " mr habbitat" and he is Habit as a unicorn with an orange tipped horn. His hair is rougher and he wears a golden flower earring with a top hat that has a single circling blue stripe, and a tail ribbon. His front hooves are paws. He has sideburns and a small goatee as well. Colors are darker than in-game. The tail is leonine. He smiles sweetly with his tongue out.

The second pony is just him again but in Silly Mode, which is its name. He is totally a black shadow except for open red eyes, an orange snout, blue tongue and the earring.

The third pony is named " B. Habit" in allcaps. He has a softer, rounder look in general with his curled mane and full tail. His mane is in two shades of deeper and duller rose. He too is an unicorn. He has an orange snoutmark and freckles of the same shade. He smiles too widely.

The last pony is "Kam" AKA Kamal Bora as a pegasus. His coat is a deep ocean-blue and hair is more longer and downwards-pointing then in-game. He has a miffed expression. End ID]

I SWEAR IM NOT BIASED /HJ

( Plaintext: I swear I'm not biased /hj )

I have no idea why I made Habit a unicorn here almost every single time when in my MLP AU I always do him as an Earth Pony HWJSJ

But yeah!?! The first one is the one I used most in PT. The third one is like, one modelled after my own former Muppet Habit design. And Kamal pone is more or less based off how I do him in my MLP AU, I made him a pegasus( named Breezy Blossom🫡( salute emoji)) because they have wings, and pigeons have wings, and he reminds me of a startled and always-alert pigeon, city bird too, and like BIRDS AND SHIT MAN it's a WIN

Silly Mode Habit can be used to join the Shadow Pony parties whenever they show up IF YA KNOW THEN YOU KNOW

Also I hope this isn't too forward but would you like to play PonyTown with me sometime!?! You seem chill and like I don't play it much with my friend or my sister anymore so it'd be neat to revisit, but it's just a request LOL

Anyway yyyy

THANK YOU FOR PARTAKING IN PONYS

[ Plain text: Thank you for partaking in ponys ]

[strititty]

per my last reblog i decided to ramble in about nerds aint got shit, my most popular fic.

well, ostensibly i’m rambling about that but honestly i have 3 am motormouth and i took an edible so im just in that sort of mood, you know. all philosophical like. more under the cut

i wrote that fic in 2015 for drone season, when i was living in - and i cannot stress this enough - the MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE, though not as much as i would be the year afterward. my internet was shitty cornfield hotspot net and it was the summer after my first year of college so i had a helluva lot on my mind already.

the original document was just a little notepad file with word wrap turned on cuz that’s how i used to write all my shit, and i’d send people wips via pastebin. can you even imagine? PASTEBIN? i use google docs now but sometimes i wonder if i should go back to notepad lmao. smaller size, less evil google involved. when i was a kid i used word, though i can’t remember when that stopped being a thing. might have been during high school.

since i wrote nerds aint got shit so shortly after i had graduated high school i had a very clear picture of my OWN high school in my head, which probably lends itself to some weird stylistic quirks. my high school was very very small. i shan’t name it, of course, lmao, what am i some sort of fool? but it was tiny as hell and that tends to infect any sort of high school adjacent au i write. rereading it i can so clearly picture MY high school that it’s frankly a little funny.

fortunately my high school only had one creepy teacher and it wasnt the PE teacher + we got his ass fired, but fiction makes for a much more fun place to explore these sorts of ideas for me. idk why i have such a thing about age differences & teacher/student fics but i SURE DO.

i can still remember the summer days writing this fic, kind of, in a hazy way. i remember my phone being the only way i could connect with my friends and loved ones, and the sun beating down, and the way things were far too hot in my little room. my cat had gotten out and gotten pregnant by a farm cat, so i had to cough up money to get her fixed - she should have been already but the people i lived with were less concerned about that sort of thing and i’d been at college so i hadn’t been able to make my case. the kittens were cute but tiny and stunted b/c my cat was very young and small & only two of them survived. i think the third one was stillborn and that my cat ate that one, but since i wasn’t there when they were born i didn’t get a lot of the details.

i still think about this fic sometimes for the memories it draws up and the plans i have to revamp and add on to it--my initial idea was a sort of 7 day format where dave goes back to bro every day of the week, but that was a plot for when i was a more prolific writer with a clearer grasp of smut. now im lucky if i can get a coherent smutty fic down in a few weeks god save me lmao. i don’t know if it’s because i’m older or just a little more burned out.

it was a fun idea though and i do semi frequently consider revisiting it, especially when i get the energy and inspiration to write strider stuff. right now that energy is being conserved for certain other works but hey you never know.

i feel like there’s also a hundred points i could make about how my most popular fic is also my oldest homestuck fic, like. yeah, okay, homestuck was more popular back then, so it makes sense that it would have more kudos and what not. hs fanfic is a much quieter affair now, between the fandom controversy, the natural drop that happens after something ends, and how half of all fandom seems to be girlbossing too close to the hayes code. brodave used to get you 200 kudos and now you get like 20!

and you know i don’t like. hate that. i do post for engagement but i never really expected to be POPULAR you know what i mean? more like sharing this thing i wrote about something i’m interested in-- “i wrote this for me but you can read it too, please enjoy!” energies. but i think that it’s so interesting that something that is now approaching its eighth birthday (What The Fuck) had its biggest surge of participants ages ago. i wonder what they’re doing now and actually whatever theyre doing i hope theyre having fun with it but i don’t need to know because i’ve been burned before okay. ppl turning into fancops or whatever. shitty as hell.

the hour grows late so i shall return to the actual topic at hand:

nerds aint got shit’s ill-begotten romance. that shit was gonna be so toxic. i was definitely gonna write dave growing to sympathize with bro, kind of, with his crush fueled by terror kicked into overdrive. bro’s kind of a sad and pathetic weirdo even though to dave (and this is real, not imagined, dave’s not making it up) he is a significant threat. and dave was going to start to pick up those sad jerk vibes in addition to the horny vibes and start to, in an almost lalondian fashion, romanticize the shit out of it.

in a manner of speaking, anyway. im not sure if that was my full plan or what but there’s also just the gremlin brain breathing heavily going “god this is my favorite dynamic” which back then was fairly true. i had also written almost 20k of original teacher/student fiction so romanticizing that was not a new concept to me. i think there’s a part of me that does want to be in that place, you know, but from a safe distance where it’s also just fun and games.

that’s why fics are fun! that’s why trashy romance is fun :) insert something about ace kink here. i do not want to actually touch it but mentally touching it is ok.

nowadays i don’t write so much teacher/student fic tho im still hells of deep in my love of age differences. more often than not i find myself kind of drawn to a cougar/kid in their late teens dynamic nowadays for original fiction, tho i also love ancient vampire/regular human and just minor age and experience differences.

(jotting down ‘rose lalonde as a cougar’ for a future fic idea thanks)

i think ive grown away from this fic mostly, but it feels like a wild time capsule to me, and maybe one day i will unearth it to add more. maybe in 2025 for the a ten year anniversary.

[boofblr]

sometimes i consider purchasing a small action camera so that i can analyze our herding lessons after i’ve decompressed, and then my next thought is Actually! I Don’t Want To Know :) Thank You

[mdverse]

Make me choose: requested by anonymous

Halo/walking on sunshine or Start me up/livin on a prayer

Rose's turn or Not the boy next door

smu/loap:

tbh i think when i first watched glee, i actually enjoyed halo/walking on sunshine more? but then i started listening to more rock... so as much as i love the halo/wos performance, i actually gravitate more towards start me up/livin on a prayer. also halo/wos is like,, kinda stress-inducing sometimes,,, i think about rachel's sped-up speech from right before they start and it makes me feel like im hyped up on coffee or sth... on a more art-related note, i very much live for the aesthetic of smu/loap and i almost shed tears over how hard it was to actually draw any of the dark, blurry and wildly confusing screencaps i got from the performance, which is why there is literally no detail in the drawing lmao that entire thing was a struggle

also unrelated but... their outfits had me start a brittana-quinntina biker au at some point last year lmao i haven't thought about that in a while bc i trashed it after struggling to draw motorbikes for them... they all had dyed hair n everything kfhdkgh maybe i should revisit that when i have more time

rose's turn:

listen rose's turn is one of my fav kurt solos ever?? i ranked his solos for fun while on my hiatus and it's in the top 3 i absolutely love it and i am very worried i did not do it justice but like. it's such a raw and emotional performance, especially considering how s1 kurt is trying so hard to be perfect, to be the son he thinks his dad wants, so seeing him break the way he did is painful but so so satisfying. anyway idk how to analyse things well but rose's turn is just fantastic to me i just don't have the ability to explain it

[actualbird]

irt marius has an ankle tattoo HE HAS ONE IT IS VISIBLEEEE

okay so @kamiaka left this reply on that post

Okay but what if it’s a matching tattoo of some kind? Like…with Giann 👀✨ Apparently both of them were really close (plsIjustneedvonhagenbrotherlylovecrumbs)

and now it's BASICALLY CANON TO ME. YES. ABSOLUTELY. I BELIEVE THEYRE VERY CLOSE and that marius we see now misses him so frigging much and will stop at nothing to find giann. but enough about present angst bc it's time to go into the past

yes marius and giann have matching tattoos and heres how they (emotionally) end up getting it

wc: 1.5k

i imagine it goes like. at 15, marius is on a mission to get as MANY PIERCINGS as he can before he goes off to study in Florence. and giann is stressed because okay yes piercings are deffo safe in 2030 as long as u get them done by a professional and marius does get them by a professional! and that bolsters his confidence to go get a tattoo as well because hello?? art on the body??? thats FANTASTIC!!!!

but marius is 15 and hasnt gone thru his insane growth spurt yet (i hc it happened from 16-18 years old) and most sane professionals are NOT gonna tattoo a tiny little tyke, ESPECIALLY NOT A KID WHO IS VERY OBVIOUSLY THE YOUNGEST VON HAGEN, THEY DONT HAVE A DEATH WISH.

(bc listen, by this point in marius' life, giann is 25 and im sure hes made himself quite the bigshot in the business sphere. commanding, confident, friendly, but very much still hiding the snake fangs that everybody in his family has. fiercely protective over his kid brother, too. mess with the kid and ur gonna go bankrupt for generations.)

so yea marius is going into tattoo parlors with a facemask and hoodie as if that makes the DISTINCTIVE PURPLE EYES any less frigging noticeable. and so with every tattoo artist who turns him away, marius gets more and more frustrated and so hes like "fine!! i'll do it myself!!" and since he knows he wont be able to purchase a real tattoo machine since itd get delivered to the house and somebody might open the package (austin and giann are JUST as nosy as marius ends up being when hes older), marius just decides to fuckinnnn

stick n poke himself

which, when done correctly and cleanly, is fine!!

but marius is 15 and stupid and FRUSTRATED and he disinfects NOTHING. giann's "my baby brother is doing something monumentally idiotic" radar pings like crazy at some point, 2am of a saturday, and he just YEETS outta bed and finds marius in the bathroom about to stab himself several times with NOT DISINFECTED ANYTHINGS!!!

marius gets scolded so much and hes not taking it well because shut up!! shut the fuck up!!! he just wants this and if he cant get it he needs to take matters in his own hands and also please dont tell dad because he'll go "im not angry, im just disappointed" which sucks because disappointed hurts MORE and youre better because at least youre actually angry and----

giann, sighing: im not angry, you idiot. im worried. come on, let's go

marius: go? where?

giann: someplace where you can get a tattoo without the hepatitis

2:30am and marius is in the passenger seat of giann's car, excited but also confused because why? whys giann doing this? sure, it's a weekend but surely hes got more important shit to do than indulge his moron brother. but sometimes marius asks himself questions he doesnt want answers to (because what if giann answers "yes"? whatll marius do then but just shrink into himself so that giann never has to deal with him ever again), questions hes scared to get answers to, so he shuts up and just lets himself look forward to this.

he lets himself squawk when giann jokes around and reaches over to ruffle his hair, lets himself give giann a fucking headache by hooking up his phone to the aux cord and playing music he loves that giann cant stand (i currently have no hcs on marius' taste in music, will revisit later), he lets himself go quiet at some point. when a single red light stops them at an intersection, marius looks out the window, at the city asleep and the both of them awake, and part of marius feels like as long as he's got giann with him, everything will always work out.

3:00am they get to the tattoo parlor (and shhhh the parlor is open all hours, idk, theres a LOT of shifts) and giann has a friend there whos an artist, very lovely woman and shes like "heyyy, finally gonna get that serpent design i showed y----OH MY GOD, GIANN, THAT IS A CHILD."

marius, offended: IM FIFTEEN!!!

her: YES. A CHILD. I JUST SAID.

and giann asks her this as a favor. she'll get paid, duh, but the favor here is to just close her eyes at the fact that yes, marius is a child. hell, giann tries to do puppy eyes and they SUCK (marius does it so much better) and she rolls her eyes and agrees because it's obvious that giann just wants to give the world to this kid.

and the way marius is going through her design portfolio with a twinkle in his eye, well---and marius comments on her wonderful command of colors and how she makes sure that no matter the skin tone, the design is always striking and bold---well, that seals the deal. he's deffo somebody who understands the beauty of wearing art on one's skin.

she agrees tho on the condition that the design he picks is a simple one thatll only take one visit, tonight's visit, bc if she has a kid coming back here often, thatll be sketchy. and marius is like ok and he picks the solid black inverted triangle design we see in the linked post above. alls well and good until she asks "cool, where do you want it?"

marius: ankle

her: oh jesus fucking christ

so, context!!! ankle tattoos fucking hurt severely!!! generally, places near bones likely has more nerve endings, and thus hurt very much. less nerve endings are found in places with more fat, and thus are less painful. theres some exceptions to this rule here n there tho, so heres a nifty chart!!! (bc who knows, maybe you, dear reader, want a tattoo. i come from a family of tattoo lovers and my dad has tattoos on backs of both his hands and MANNNN the way he was in agony. fantastic shit to watch)

huh, where was i? OH YEAH. ANKLE. tattoo artist explains to marius that hes signing himself up for a WORLD OF PAIN and hes like "yeah idc" and he doesnt even have a ~profound~ reason for why he wants the ankle, he just thinks it's cool (which is def reason enough, doesnt have to be deep, with tatts, live ur life!!) so he doesnt care

but GIANN DOES

giann: for the love of god, get it somewhere less painful, please

marius: nope! :3

giann: IM NOT WATCHING U CRY

marius: iM!!! NOT GONNA CRY!!!!!

giann: YES YOU WILL!!!

marius: it'll be fine, youre worrying too much. geez, it's as if youre getting the tatt instead of me. i'll be the one to feel it, 'kay? dont make it your problem

giann, groaning: fuck off, im making it OUR problem

and marius watches just absolutely befuddled and awed as giann rolls up his pants cuff and settles down to get the same tattoo design in the same place with marius.

the tattoo artist is impressed and touched. shes been wanting to get giann tattooed for years, she even made him a killer serpent design, but all those years of nagging never worked. what worked was marius. because giann will always give in to that kid.

tattooing time!! marius indeed doesnt cry, where the HELL did this 15 year old get such a high pain tolerance???? giann does shed a few tears tho. and it's hilarious to marius but he lets giann squeeze his hand whenever he needs to.

when it's all done, they both gingerly walk back to the car (ankle tatts r near the bone so walking is gonna have to be gentle for a while) and when theyre in there, marius feels his question from earlier bubble up again.

why did giann do this? whyd he bring marius here when hes so busy? whyd he get a tattoo with marius when he didnt want to for years?

marius doesnt ask. hes too scared of the answer. but giann knows his little brother like the back of his palm.

he reaches over and pats marius on the head a few times and says "anything you wanna do, kid, i'll always have your back."

and so they go home and marius remembers that. giann will always have his back.

he remembers that years later when giann goes missing

and all of a sudden

nobody is in his corner anymore

(bonus: that tatt design the artist made for giann? the serpent? marius gets it on himself at some point, starting from his back shoulder blade and curling up and over to settle its head close to his collarbone. a protective kind of position, wrapped around him and close to his heart.

he gets it not as a eulogy, but as a promise he isnt going to break. hes going to find giann and giann will be okay. he needs to believe this.

because believing otherwise will destroy him)

[lord0f]

For the ask meme! Camellia, ivy, nutmeg, papyrus

Aw thanks for the ask! It got long so here a read more for ya!

Camellia - what were you like when you were younger? Do you think you’ve changed a lot?

As a kid I was incredibly social! I wasn’t the popular kid in school by any means but I loved talking to people and making friends. I was eager to share my interests and play. I was definitely a dork and a was deep into anime around middle school. I also just liked people and wanted to be around them.

Honestly I think in recent years I’ve been trying to recapture some of the unbridled joy I got out of my interests as a kid. While I’m older and wiser now (though certainly no less fallible) and able to consume things with a more critical eye, watching things I love that might be “childish” or “not that good” or “cringe” and openly loving them has been really refreshing! For me right now that means revisiting some old anime faves, sewing tiny clothes for dolls, learning Japanese, and leaning into my 90s anime art roots.

Also I like to think I’m more mature and professional and level headed but every time I give myself that credit I look back two years later and all I can think is how wrong I was haha. Guess it goes to show that we never stop growing and maturing haha!

Ivy - what are your tells for your emotions and moods? How can someone tell you are happy, annoyed, upset, or tired?

I’m think I’m fairly obvious in my emotional tells in how I express myself? (My friends can correct me if I’m wrong haha!) But I also try to declare my emotions outright. When I’m happy, I wanna say so, when I’m tired, i wanna say so. I like people knowing that they’ve improved my day, or that talking with them made me happy. I think people sometimes cant tell if you enjoy their company even if you feel like it’s obvious. So even if it might sound stilted or awkward I think it’s good to tell them you appreciate them!

I think where I falter is that when I’m feeling stressed/depressed/anxious/overwhelmed I tend to use “I’m tired” as a catch-all for everything ; ; so I could definitely stand to express myself a little more clearly when it comes to less positive emotions haha

Nutmeg - how is your room/home decorated? Do you have a specific theme or style going on?

I have a very tiny room so it’s not very decorated! A lot of room is taken up by the bed and storage. But I generally love cluttered cozy wizard vibes and warm colors. Truthfully I just wanna live in a hobbit hole. Heres a pic of one corner of my room currently!

Papyrus - if you put your on-repeat playlist on shuffle what is the first song that comes up? What do you like about it/ associate with it?

Recently I have been (predictably) listening to the Outer Wilds OST on repeat. But for variety, since I have a few on-repeat playlists, I’ll shuffle em all for ya. (Only vibes for one cuz this ask is so long at this point im so sorry)

Outer Wilds OST - The Search by Andrew Prahlow

Vibes- space mystery/searching/discovery/under pressure/urgency/my spaceship is made of wood/melancholy

Songs to Get Shit Done To Playlist - Madamamagoto English Cover by JubyPhonic (original by GigaP/Reol feat Soraru)

The One That Changes Playlist - Fear by Yuki Kajiura from the .Hack//SIGN OST

Songs to Chill TF Out To Playlist - Furthest Star by Dirt Poor Robins

[juiceastronaut]

If I can throw in my two cents about the whole Camila situation:

Honestly what I think is happening is people are projecting their own experiences a little too deeply onto Luz and vilifying Camila because they don't have a great relationship with their parents. I also think people's minds are jumping to the worst-case scenario of what the camp actually is (I don't think the answer is conversion therapy cmon guys this is a kid's show). The overall lesson in the Boiling Isles is that one needs to learn to consider the effect of their actions on others, especially if it's linked to one's creativity. It celebrates being different but also doesn't say that you can act any way you want because you're different. I think a lot of people are closer to Pilot Luz than they realize, and since they haven't gotten that reality check themselves, view these lessons for Luz as an attack on her, and thus an attack on themselves because they haven't learned that lesson yet. But anyway, back to the camp.

I think what's happening is people are getting really hung up about the "Think Inside the Box!" slogan from the first episode, which may seem to directly want to stifle kids' creativity. I think there are two explanations this can fall under, an in-universe one and an out-of-universe one. The in-universe explanation is that maybe the marketing team really sucks and in an attempt to be quirky and creative (look at us we're subverting a popular phrase!) it came off as really bad. The second explanation is, I don't think the Owl House team was thinking that far ahead when constructing the pilot, and how relevant the camp was going to be in later episodes, so they put a little joke in there to both get a laugh out of people, and to quickly solidify that Luz doesn't want to go to that camp and the reason for that. I think some light dismissal of earlier episodes is in order here, because a lot has happened between the pilot and now, and obviously, the reconstruction in Yesterday's Lie is the reality that the crew wants the viewers to go forward with. Maybe the camp wouldn't have even been that bad.

Maybe if Luz actually went she would've had a good time there. I think the more accurate interpretation is...maybe it did suck, but she would've still been able to garner good experiences from it, friends as well, so that going wouldn't have been all that bad, or at least not a living nightmare. Remind you of anyplace? (the answer is school). So maybe Luz would've had the reality check she needed, learning skills and making friends, and still have the camp be an unpleasant experience. I think those can both coexist, and I don't think the camp needs to be literal conversion therapy in order to achieve that. Okay, onto Camila.

Camila isn't perfect. I know people throw around that phrase a lot but I don't think you can find a more apt situation to apply this too. Carmilla, trying her best to do what's right by Luz, sometimes stumbles and does the exact opposite, but doing that out of love for Luz. I fully subscribe to the theory that the camp wasn't really her idea, and more of a suggestion by the school or Luz would have faced expulsion. Again, the pilot didn't really put weight on Luz's actions, but as of the most recent episode its obvious that Luz was close to receiving a very serious consequence by endangering people by bringing snakes and explosives into school. In the first few episodes it was a way to show that Luz was quirky and didn't fit in with the other kids, but as Luz has matured on the Boiling Isles that lets us revisit those scenarios in a different light. I'm sure Luz didn't see anything wrong with what she did, and the framing reflects that, maybe she'll feel differently now after the character growth she's gotten.

Camila loves that Luz is creative, and she loves her daughter for who she is. She even actively engages with Luz in her interests, as seen in Yesterdays's Lie. But as a parent its also Camilas responsibility to raise Luz into a person that can interact with society in a healthy way. Of course, that would be personally tailored to Luz as a person, and she shouldn't try to make Luz fit a certain standard, but that's not what's happening here.

Camila would be enabling Luz if she just allowed her to continue with these high stakes, highly dangerous expressions of "creativity" because Luz was posing a danger to others and to herself. I would actually say Camila would have been a bad parent if she made excuses for Luz's behavior and didn't do anything to curb that. Maybe camp wasn't 100% the best course of action to take, but at least she does something to make sure Luz feels the weight of her actions. I don't even think of the camp as a punishment per se, which is leaps and bounds above what any other parent would do in that situation (I'm under the belief that punishment isn't always the most effective way to facilitate behavior in children). Camila putting her foot down doesn't make her a bad parent, its what a parent should be doing in this situation!

By the end of the episode Yesterdays Lie, Camila's whole life was turned upside down. The person she thought was her daughter actually wasn't her daughter and her actual daughter chose to leave her and is now stuck in a completely different world where she can't reach or even talk to her. I think it's unfair to her to expect her to rationally react to that situation in any capacity. Her daughter left her and she desperately wanted her back, and was/is fearful of losing her again. That's why she made Luz promise to stay when she got back. She doesn't want to lose her again. She blames herself for driving her daughter away, probably for all the above reasons in relation to the camp, maybe for something else entirely.

The thing is, Luz didn't have enough time to explain to her mom what exactly went into her motivations to stay on the Boiling Isles. She wasn't even going to stay there permanently, she was going to go back when camp ended why? For her mom. She didn't want to be away from her any longer than she expected to be away. It was only after the whole Belos thing happened that she was stuck. But she didn't have the time to explain that. So essentially what Camila heard was "Im stuck over here with no way home and I chose that. for myself." Damn I'd get upset too! This whole thing is a misunderstanding I don't for one second think any situation where Camila forces her home to never see her friends again, or Luz being forced to break her promise and stay on the Isles forever is actually going to come to fruition. Luz will probably tell Camila about her time in the Isles and Camila will go "Oh my god I'm so happy you made friends, okay of course you can go back and forth" because I assume they'll have fixed/have another door by then.

In conclusion, Camila is an actual imperfect mother in the most literal sense, instead of saying someone's imperfect but never misstepping when it comes to taking care of her kids. She messes up, doesn't do the right thing because she's working against forces outside of her control or is having a very human reaction to a genuinely stressful situation. People are projecting their own home lives a little too much into Luz's situation which I think leads to people being harsher with Camila than she deserves. She's a good mom, and I think a realistic and complex character. Y'all are just mean.

Also anyone saying that Camila having a flip-flop (la chancla) in her purse is a sign that Luz is being abused...are you on crack? Is it crack you're smoking? No, but it's a haha shout out to the latino community it's not that deep oh my go--

[heyjude19-writing]

hey jude! did you take any creative writing classes before you started to write RN? Do you have any recommendation of possible things you did to improve your writing enough to give you the courage to start writing the story that was in your head for 10 years?

Hey anon! I’m gonna write you a big, long thing because i fucking love talking about writing. Ready? Okay!

Without getting too specific, i do edit/write for my day job, so i’ve taken many a writing course throughout my education/life which helped me with the basics, but it’s been quite some time since ive taken any formal classes. As far as creative writing, that was always my hobby. Sitting down and writing RN after a damn decade was less about feeling like i had improved enough to get it out and more of a mental health thing. My anxiety said “god, just write it already, it’ll help” and then the pandemic said “god, just share it, not many people will read it and you’ll feel better” and here we are.

What’s helped me improve since and kept me going:

Writing more. I’m no longer holding myself back from writing down any and every idea that comes to mind, whether it be for fanfic or original writing. None of these ideas even have to go anywhere, i’ve just allowed myself to enjoy the act of writing and it’s helped me immensely. Sometimes I revisit these little pieces and read them again for fun, or add a bit more, or go incorporate them into something larger I’m working on. Not all writing has to be productive! But I firmly believe it does help you grow the more you do it. 

Challenging myself. I’ll stress that when i say this, i mean i am challenging myself in a fun way, not in a “let’s make this as frustrating as possible” way. Experimenting with story length is one thing I love as a writer. Drabbles and ficlets are wonderful ways to work on specific skills, because you are so limited by the word count. This type of quick-bite writing forced me to remove dialogue tags i’d normally use, delete most adverbs, get rid of unnecessary qualifiers like “very” and “just” to save space for the actual story. 

Genre experimentation. I recently wrote my first horror fic and i’m quite proud of it. It made me realize how much i enjoyed writing in that arena and might be something i look to do for original work. It forced me to take familiar characters i was so used to writing one way and draw out different facets of their personalities to make sense for a darker plot. If you are ever at all tempted to try a different story genre, just go for it. I learned a lot about my own craft while doing this. 

Read more. I’m sure you’ve seen this a lot as far as writing advice goes, but i promise it’s true. To use my horror example again, I was reading a novel where wings burst out of a character’s back and it was a real mindfuck moment as a reader and then my mind just spiraled with inspiration for my own stuff from there. You might come across a phrase or a style of prose that grabs you by the throat and then holds your brain hostage. There are so many ways to tell the same story, and reading more will expose you to all these differences. It lets you find out what’s not for you (ex. writing from a ton of different povs in one story is not for me) and what you’d want to try out for yourself (ex. Im itching to eventually write a first-person pov).

Another recommendation if we’re talking about longer form stories (and i feel like i give this advice a lot): find out what kind of outliner you are. I LOVE the outline process. It’s my chance to word-vomit all over a fresh word doc any and every idea that comes to mind for the plot, the characters, scenes, dialogue snippets, etc. I love to bullet point scenes, sketch out some important character moments. None of this involves finesse, or craft, it’s all the ideas phase and it’s when I feel my most creative. Once i’ve got a story fully outlined, I go back and actually write out all these scenes (not necessarily in order, i’m not one who needs to write chronologically). Other writers I know just start from their first sentence and go from there, not allowing themselves to jump ahead. Find out which way works for you, because you’re the one who will need to read all of it over and spend so much time with it. Outlining makes me EXCITED about stories and helps pump me up to write and share them.

Talking with other writers. It was hard when I first posted RN and didnt know anyone in the community. But by putting myself out there it led to conversations and friendships with other writers. It’s a resource i’m incredibly grateful for, to have people just as nerdy as i am about writing, trading tips or asking for advice/encouragement or just to double-check im not insane and actually did use the word “belie” correctly. It can be intimidating, but if you havent already and are comfortable, check out some online writing groups/discords. 

Don’t feel like you have to follow every “writing rule.” It’s so easy to get bogged down in “you’re supposed to write THIS way” and you find yourself looking at a paragraph of soulless words that while technically correct, don’t say very much at all. I personally find it intimidating to try and improve all the things at once and it makes me hate the process. I’ve found concentrating on one aspect for improvement makes me feel like im growing without overwhelming myself. For example, i made a conscious effort in a recent story to not rely on adverbs so much, and when a reader noticed this in a comment, I was fucking elated. 

Okay and now to get a little pollyanna for a second. It does take courage to share your work on a public platform and open it up for public consumption/opinion. Your writing won’t be for everyone, but it is yours. You will spend the most time with it (in your head and on paper/screen) so it helps if you like it. What really matters, i promise, is that you like your own writing. 

I hope you found this helpful and good luck with your writing! My ask box is always open 💕💕

[mindthedocent]

22, 26, 39

hello hello!!! a treat for me 3 questions!!!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

organization whats that!!!!! i keep all my ideas on a little post-it note in my brain, and then i never write them! the rymin oneshot list grows daily but i rarely put things down on paper.

i used to work in the notes app but i found that.......not so good when i actually started writing longer stuff? so i work in docs now but pretty much the organization is nonexistent. i have a different doc for each work, i have different docs for each chapter of gage, and i have one MASSIVE doc for all my poetry, songs, and ideas for more of those things.

so yeah! pretty much all i got is "my works are in separate documents, except for all the fucking poetry"

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

its hard sometimes! i think what helps me the most is revisiting the source material, or thinking about how characters reacted to things in specific situations. its a little easier when you kind of have a running list of a character's interesting traits

you know. min is easy because his traits are "me but more pent-up". ryan is harder but he DOES appear to be outgoing but emotionally suppressed, and while explosive and impulsive, he is also quick to placate.

anyway. when i feel like i veer too far from what a character might do naturally, i try to steer myself back to what i know about them

idk. its not hard for me to get out of a character's head. its like im there and im gone. head empty, binch! no lasting effects here!

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

the knowledge that i can come back to it.

really! i try not to stress myself out about deadlines, about completion, or anything like that. i take breaks from writing. i take LONG breaks. i let myself forget where i was going. i let myself take time to breathe, to gain new experiences, to watch new shows or watch old shows, go to the park, read some fanfic, talk to friends.

and then when i feel ready, i come back to it.

this is newer for me. BUT! i have to tell you, that since ive stopped treating it like something i Must do, ive done more writing in the last year and a half than i can ever remember doing before. yeah a lot of it isnt published. a lot of it is just making up AUs with friends that will never see the light of day. thats an important part of it too! if you dont make it a chore its never gonna feel like one.

this year has been really hard for me. its been one of the busiest and most stressful years ive ever had. but thats never stopped me from wanting to write; its only delayed me