#and i really really gotta get over that. and that little drama last night and my mom's text this morning just reminded me of it all.

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[uracutieraka]

Drama

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Arguments all day with your ’rents

Just to go out, gotta fight for this shit (Fight for this shit)

Gotta realize you’re a high school girl (High school girl)

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Older!college freshman! Matsukawa issei x F!reader

Tw! (Slight) age gap, mutual virginity loss, smut, mutual pining (??)

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Synopsis; you and mattsukawa have known eachother since you were babies, when he goes off for college and leaves you behind to finish your third year of high school you begin lashing out. What is he gonna do with you?

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Ever since Issei left for college, he’d received message after message of your mom telling him how you’d been lashing out and sneaking out to parties.

Disappearing into the darkness of the late nights, stumbling in to your window at 4 am, allowing yourself an hour and half of sleep before getting up and getting ready for school.

At first, it was fun and exhilarating. You had never disobeyed your parents, always a goody two shoes.

But now, your grades were slipping and you were breaking farther away from the perfect image everyone had painted you as.

Endless nights of your parents scolding you had passed, always ending with you rolling your eyes and slamming your bedroom door.

Then a few minutes later, without fail, your phone would vibrate, messages filling your inbox

‘Matti susu 💋’ it would read.

Do not disturb.

This continued for 4 months.

You hadn’t talked to the boy who you had taken baths with when you were babies in four whole months.

You were mad at him, for leaving you behind in this shitty place.

You hated everyone and all your friends, the only people you didn’t hate, were his friends so they were long gone.

That’s why you did this.

Getting dressed up in too-tight clothes and crawling out your window almost every night, hopping around party to party until the early morning hours.

It’s a Saturday morning - 4:45 a.m. to be exact - when you crawl back through your window.

Feet landing on the ground, you slowly shut the window, flinching when it squeaks slightly.

After shutting it you turn and sloppily shed your sweaty clothes.

Your room is dark, and your eyes heavy from a mix of tiredness and being under the influence of weed and alcohol.

You pull your tiny dress off and grab the giant t-shirt up off your floor where you had dropped it earlier in the night before you changed.

It was Matsukawa’s. You had stolen it right before he left for school, wanting it for “when you couldn’t sleep without him.” He had chuckled and rolled his eyes when he handed it to you.

“Whatever ya’ little perv.”

You scoffed, feigning disbelief.

“I am not a pervert!”

He raised a brow and put a hand on his hip sassily.

“You so are.”

That was one of the last conversations you had with him before he left.

You now plopped face down into your bed, taking in a deep breath and only turning your head to breath out.

Your eyes have now adjusted somewhat to the darkness.

Enough to make out the dark figure sitting on the chair by your vanity.

Grabbing your phone you fumble to press the flashlight button.

Thinking it was probably a pile of clothes and your eyes playing tricks on you.

It wasn’t.

The lamp next to the chair clicks on.

You turn your flashlight off and now are sitting on your knees on the bed facing the chair and light.

“What the fuck is your problem?” You sneer.

“Is that really how you’re gonna greet me after ignoring me for months?” The boy chuckles, standing up from the seat. With 2 long strides he is now at the side of your bed, hands in his pockets as he looks down at you.

He leans over you and squints his eyes.

“You’re cross faded right now.” He says, like its a gross fact.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms.

“So what?” Your tone is harsh and words are slightly slurred together. You hiccup and look at him, forcing a pouty look on your face.

Makeup smeared everywhere messily. Lips plump from whatever it was you had been getting into earlier that night.

Matsukawa was breathless.

You looked so beautiful with the soft light hitting your face, outlining your features.

The smeared mascara and eyeshadow made your eyes pop, and his t-shirt that fell halfway down your thighs hugged your body.

His eyes trailed over you, down your jaw and neck, to see the shoulder that was showing from the loose material of his old band tee.

“So what?,” he scoffed leaning back up to look down at you. “You’re embarrassing yourself.”

His words strike your heart.

You roll your eyes, throwing your self to lay facing your bedroom wall now, not wanting him to see the tears that are welling in your eyes.

“Whatever.” You say, though he picks up on the way your voice cracks slightly at the end.

He lets out a quick huff, crawling on the bed behind you.

He lays the same way you are but keeps space between you.

Theres a few minutes of complete silence before he speaks.

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

You lay there for a moment before clearing your throat and flipping over to face him.

You study his features, his hair has grown, now he has small curls that now fall over his forehead.

You reach out and twist one on your finger, something that you used to do until he chopped them all of his first year of high school.

He had kept them short until he left for college.

You sigh, letting the curl unravel itself from your grip.

Watching it bounce back into place you finally speak.

“Why’d you leave me here all alone su-su?”

Your voice is a meek whisper, no doubt from the partying.

A soft smile over takes his expression, followed by a slight chuckle.

“Im only 2 hours away.”

“Yeah but you’re not here!”

His face contorts to hold a small frown.

‘Mm’ it’s a disapproving grunt.

You look at him with sad, puppy dog eyes and he can’t help but feel horrible for going off to school.

“I know it’s not fair of me to be upset because I can just come to you whenever,” you blow a strand of hair out of your face and move so you’re now laying facing up and looking at the ceiling. “But It’s just so depressing without you here.”

Your head drops to look at him, awaiting his reaction. You can see him thinking hard about how to respond to your vulnerability. His brows are furrowed slightly as his lips are curled into a quizzical scowl.

A moment passes and he finally speaks up.

“Yeah but I can always come back here too, you just never reach out so I don’t.”

Heat crawls up your face, embarrassed at yourself.

The illicit substances are still flowing in your body, you can tell by the way you’re hot all over and the fact you can hear yourself slurring your own words when you speak.

“Jus’ missed you su-su.” You say wiggling around until you’re positioned in his arms, your face in his chest.

He wraps his arms around you, bending his wrists so his fingers can wrap themselves in your hair.

He moves to adjust to the new position, allowing his head to get comfortable, his chin rests itself on the top of your head.

He breathes in through his nose deeply before he talks again.

“I’ve missed you.”

You and Matsukawa had always been affectionate, to the point his friends would tease him about how normal friends weren’t that close.

He knew that. He didn’t need his annoying ass homeboys telling him too.

It was all innocent though! Holding hands, kisses on the cheek, hugging, or you hugging the large boy’s side as he had an arm draped over your shoulders, and even cuddling to go to sleep.

But, when he went off to school his horizons were… opened… in a sense.

Frat parties and girls throwing ass became a regular occurrence for him, but even with countless girls making advances at him and his friends trying to peer pressure him into joining hookup culture, he held loyal to the younger girl from back home.

Simply shutting them down with a simple “I already got a girl.”

Though you not speaking to him was driving him crazy, so crazy that he was loosing sleep over it. That’s why he decided to take the first train to you on Friday night.

He had arrived at 3 a.m., letting himself in with the spare key your parents gave him years ago.

He of course had told them he was coming into town late, but they didn’t care, just happy he was coming to see you.

The thing about Matsukawa though, was that he was sneaky. Since your parents loved him so much they would never assume he had ill-intent by coming to town on a Friday.

Which, they were right, he was in college so weekends tended to be easier to visit on, but this Friday was different.

This was the 2nd Friday of the month. Which was conveniently the Friday your parents went into the city for the night every month for date nights.

It had been this way for over 10 years.

He had other intentions for this visit though, none that could be considered innocent.

All those girls had him thinking of you, the images of you that had started filling up your private finsta had him nearly banging his head against the wall.

Tiny dresses that had your chest spilling out of them, tiny shorts that were basically just underwear and lowcut shirts all had his mind reeling.

‘Who are you showing off for?’

The question thumped the inside of his skull every night as he viewed your photos and highlights.

Thoughts of the girl he had known as long as he could remember turned from innocent jealousy to something evil.

He knew he was done for when your provocative images were the only thing that could get him off.

He felt dirty every-time he palmed himself to your feed.

He didn’t care though. You were going to be his and he was going to be sure of that.

You pushing your head harder into his chest broke him out of his train of thought.

“Y/n”

“Hmm?” A quiet questioning hum leaves your throat. Eyes closed as you breathe in his scent.

“You know we’re more than just friends right?”

You pull back enough so you can make eye contact with him.

You look over his face once before responding.

“I know.”

“So then what are we doing? Why have you been ignoring me?”

You resettle yourself into his chest, inhaling and mulling over the real reason why you were so upset at him.

“Because,” you close your eyes again and take a deep breath to calm down. “Because what if you found a girl there? In the city? I wouldn’t want to hold you back Issei. And it made me upset because I love you a lot.”

Your mind is still fuzzy so you’re slow to recognize the words tumbling past your lips.

You hear his breath catch in his throat before he begins choking.

He sits up and catches his breath, finally finishing his coughing fit.

You sit up now too, realizing what you just said.

“Im sorry! I- i didn’t- i do love you but I-“ youre cut off by warm lips on yours.

You kiss back, melting into him.

You deepen the kiss and reach up grabbing his shirt collar, guiding him with it.

You gently push against him with your hands and he lays back on your bed.

You simultaneously swing your leg over him, straddling the lanky older boy.

His hands find perch on your hips, circling his thumbs slowly on them.

You break the kiss and look down at him.

He smiles up at you widely and you smile back. Giggles escaping the both of you, it was the type of laughter that you only have when you’re doing something you’re not supposed to be doing with someone you’re close with.

You lean down, smile still on your faces as you kiss his cheek, peppering soft kissed down his jaw and on to his neck.

He tilts his head, allowing more space for the action.

He uses his hands to move your hips against him, a quiet moan leaving the back of his throat at the friction and sensation of kisses on his neck.

You giggled, letting him continue to rock you as he pleased.

You kiss back up his neck and jaw until you land back on his mouth.

You lock lips with him , resting your hands on his shoulders as you start moving at your own pace.

He gasps into your mouth at the unexpected change of pace.

After a moment he flips the two of you over.

Looking down at you, he studies your face.

You feel embarrassed at his lingering stare, what if he looks at you too long and notices all your flaws?

“Y/n,” his voice is raspy and low. You look back up at him and his gaze is intense. “Those pictures you’ve been posting…,” he lets an airy chuckle escape his mouth as he slightly drops his head and shakes it, like he’s trying to shake bad thoughts out of his head. “Who are you posting them for?” His eyes now locked on you.

The heat in your cheeks burns even harder than it had been. You contemplate telling him the truth or saying no one.

“You.” It’s a hushed whisper, you look so cute under him, giving him a bashful look.

You now see his face flush as he looks away from you.

After a few beats of silence he turns his head to face you again.

“Good.”

It’s not bold and he still has a hint of nervousness to his tone.

Leaning down he captures you by the lips yet again.

He’s more fervent than before, grinding into you, kissing sloppily down your neck.

You stop him by grabbing his face and making him look at you.

“Are we really gonna..,” you look away as your voice drops to a whisper. “Have sex?”

You have doe eyes as you look back to him, awaiting the older boys answer.

His face softens at the way you look at him.

“Do you… want to?” He whispers back to you.

He’s always been like this.

So sweet to you that it made his friends throw up at how different he acted when you were around.

Obviously you two would bicker and tease each other but it was never the way he was with literally anyone else.

He’s still looking at you, but now he rolls onto the side of you.

He brings his hands up and uses his index finger to trace your jawline.

You look over at him and finally give your answer.

“Yes,” his eyes light up a bit before you speak again. “But, you have to be 100% honest first.”

An eyebrow shoots up on his face.

“About what?”

“Haveyoubeenwithanyoneelsebehonestrightnow.”

You look away from him, nervous to hear his answer.

“Woah- no! I most definitely have not!”

He’s actually kind of hurt that you would think he would do that to you.

“Promise?” You stick your pinky out at him.

“I promise.” He laces his with yours, signifying he true to his word.

You sigh and flip yourself back on to his lap.

“Good.” You say, a playful grin tugging at your lips.

“Have you.”

“Hell no!”

He chuckles before lacing his hand through the hair on the nape of your neck, pulling you back to him.

Just before he kisses you he whispers, breath on your lips. “Good.”

This time the kissing is different.

Theres a confirmed goal between the two of you and it’s hard to slow down now.

The finish line is so close.

Issei’s hand untangles itself from your hair and makes it’s way down your body.

Finding itself back you your hip for a brief moment, until he slides two of his fingers along the hem of your underwear.

You flinch at the sudden movement, but allow him to continue.

Your stomach is swarming with butterflies and youre body is so hot you might melt.

“Ya’ know y/n….” He says now running his fingers back and forth on the hem slowly. You close your eyes and take a deep breath in a pathetic attempt to calm you nerves. “All those girls at school only made me miss you more than I thought was possible.”

He traces his finger lightly up you naval and over your ribs, splaying his hand out flat against your side, his thumb makes small circular movements on your skin.

You now open your eyes and study his expression.

His eyes are heavy and lidded, no doubt from arousal and the fact it’s now past 5 in the morning.

“Issei.”

He looks away from where his hand connects to your skin, eyeing the cute lace underwear you had on.

“Hm?”

You move his hand and back on his lap.

“Can we please keep going?”

He was so caught up in enjoying your presence he had almost briefly forgotten what you two were doing.

He flips back over you with a small smile.

He looks nervous. You had only seen him like this a few times in all the years you had known him. So it was unexpected from the usually confident man.

You reach up and cup his face, rubbing your thumb faintly over his bottom lip.

You pull him down towards you, restarting what had abruptly ended a few minutes ago.

Kissing back you and him fall back into the same pattern you had been in prior.

This time it’s for real. There’s nothing stopping the two of you.

He pushes the bottom of your shirt up, and you break away only to sit up and throw it off of you.

His eyes fall down to your chest. He had never seen real boobs in person before. At least not like this.

“Su-su?,” his gaze comes back to your face. You point to his shirt. “Your turn.” It’s meek, as if you were embarrassed to even hint you wanted him to discard his clothes too.

“Oh! Sorry!” He quickly takes his shirt off, then stands to drop his pants to the floor.

He quickly kicks them off his ankles and gets back on your bed.

Youre both sitting facing each other, both on your knees.

“Now what?” He throws a hand to rub the back of his neck, unsure what to do, or more what you wanted him to do.

“Now, you kiss me again and uhm,” your face grows a deep shade of red. You look down at his hands, resting on his knees. “You touch me.”

“Okay.” He says, letting a breath of air escape his mouth.

Leaning over you two reconnect. Lips matching eachothers paces.

At first hes slow and gentle but then he deepens the kiss, speeding up his movements.

Hes now over you (again, damn you guys really need to stop stopping.) hand running up and down the sode of your thigh gently.

You weren't unaware of just how large Matsukawa was.

You were in fact the opposite. His large size never failed to amaze you.

When you were younger, it was cool. He was so much taller than everyone!

You never thought anything weird of it until last year year.

You were with him, and a few of his volleyball teammates at his house.

They were 17 and had gotten the opportunity to have a house to themselves.

It took Matsukawa weeks of begging his parents to let him have his friends over.

It took you one minute and a promise of no funny business under your watch.

They agreed, trusting you more than him.

Though, promising a whole house for a weekend to multiple teenage boys is basically asking for something bad to go down.

Long story short, the other 3 boys had scrounged around their parents cabinets for any alcohol they could.

“9 beers, half a bottle of sake, and 2 whole bottles of wine, curtsey of Tooru.” Hiro speaks out to the small group.

‘Not bad’s followed the statement.

An hour later, you guys were all giggly and drunk, never having drank this much before.

“Ok, ok so youre telling me you two have neverrrrr,” Oikawa points a finger back and forth between you and Issei. You’re lazily leaned up against his side, as his arm rests around your shoulder. “Ya’know…did it?” A shit eating grin is plastered on his face.

Your face is burning hot from the topic of conversation.

Issei is looking away from you, but you can tell he’s also feeling the same way you are.

You nod ‘no’ to Oikawa’s question. Ignorantly hoping that would be the end of it.

“I mean think about it from y/n’s perspective.,” now Iwaizumi joins in. You turn towards him, thinking maybe he would be your savior. You were wrong. “Mattsun is like, ginormous compared to her, and i mean, not to be like gay, but he’s probably… well endowed.”

Your face is now sheet white from the statement. Grabbing your can you chug the last of your beer.

“Dude!” Issei now shouts out at his friend. Throwing the nearest pillow at the other boy.

“Sorry! It’s just a thought bro!”

“You’re so gay!”

“Am not!”

The two boys keep bickering as you now look back over at Issei.

It’s like a switch flips in your head. A sudden shift in your guys relationship was felt by both of you.

From that point forward you two could barely touch each other without shying your faces away from one another.

After a few months though it slowly became normal for you two again. This time though-when he would pull you close into him while walking home, or scoot closer to you on the bench at lunch, just so he could be near you- a new feeling settled in your stomach.

Something sweet but hungry.

That’s how you felt now.

There was something in the deepest, darkest parts of you that was starving. Something animalistic.

A hand sliding over the material of your underwear grounds you.

Your breath hitches in anticipation.

He looks at you, a glint of mischief and curiosity is in his eyes. You know this look. It’s the look he gets when he’s testing the waters with how long he can get away with do something before pissing you off.

This time though, its for a different reason.

How far can he go until you’re begging for him?

He had now come to realize he could go pretty far.

Your underwear are long gone, hands entangled in the boys curls.

He’s 2 fingers deep into you, mouth working the rest of you.

For a virgin he was surprisingly good at this.

You wondered for brief second if he had lied to you but that train of thought was quickly lost when he pulled back from you.

“Am I… doing it right? I’m not really sure what i’m doing.” His fingers are still moving in and out of you, his eyes are locked on your face, trying to read your expressions.

You grab his wrist hinting for him to stop, so you can properly answer him.

You pant for a few seconds before propping yourself up to look at him.

“Yes. Really good. More than good Issei.”

You get a good look at his face, his pupils are dilated, hair messy from your fingers, and the bottom half of his face is glistening from a mixture of his saliva and your arousal.

“Okay, good.” He says, a smile yet again takes over his face.

He goes to move his fingers again but you grip on his wrist again.

Biting your lip, your eyes now avoid his.

“Can we, uhm, y’know..”

His eyes widen. Anxiety now wracking through him again, but also a sort of excitement at the prospect offered to him.

“Yes!” It was more desperate than he had hoped, internally he cringed at it.

He repositioned over you. Pushing his underwear down and kicking them off.

You look down.

“Woah.” Your eyes are opened wide, mouth slightly agape.

He studies your face, now growing nervous at your staring.

“Is something wrong?” He asks.

You look back at him. “No! It’s just, like, really big…”

Issei swears he could’ve finished in that moment, but he didn’t. He was proud of himself.

“We don’t have to do anything.”

“Issei,” You have a pitiful look on your face. “Please?”

He doesn’t know what happened.

One second he’s reassuring you, the next he’s pushed all the way inside you.

Your whimpers and clawing at his back makes him damn near primal.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-yes! Please, do something Issei!” You whine out to him.

You feel full. Unable to do anything but think about Issei.

A guttural moan leaves his throat.

He slowly pulls back and you hiss at the burning.

“A-are you sure you want me to-,”

“Issei. Do it.” It’s stern but reassuring for him in a way.

He keeps going, eyes trained on where you two connect.

He quickly slams his hips back into yours.

A loud moan leaves you.

Its the best thing he’s ever heard, and now he’s determined to hear it more.

He quickly sets a pace, slow and steady.

Your hands are entangled in his hair again, slightly pulling whenever he thrusts back into you.

“Fuck! It’s so big!”

“D-dont, fuck, don’t stop!”

Your words thumped in his head. The encouragement only made him go faster and harder.

He cant stop staring at your face, watching how every movement has your eyes rimming up with tears.

You had been entranced, staring at where he filled you up. Now you look back up at him.

“You’re s-so pretty -aha- Issei!”

The once determined drive to fuck you was suddenly turned into something else.

Now he was determined to make love to you. Suddenly realizing how intimate this moment was.

Having you here like this for him, so pretty and vulnerable.

He’s filled with so much love for you it hurts.

“Fuck, i fucking love you.” He states, it’s broken up between thrusts and soft moans leaving the both of you.

“Love you too issei.” You pull him in for a sloppy kiss.

His movements are slow and languid.

He’s focused on making you feel good.

His thumb is stroking your cheek as he peppers small kisses and sweet nothings to you.

It’s not much longer until you feel a knot forming in your abdomen.

“I-i think m’gonna cum.” You say.

“Wha- okay, yeah, me too.” He’s breathing hard.

You can see the sweat beads on his face, resting where his brows are furrowed together in concentration.

He continues the pace, hoping to bring you both to your releases at the same time.

And he does.

“M’cumming su-su!”

“Shit- me too baby!”

He thrusts into you a few more times before letting out a loud groan.

You had cum slightly before, it tumbled into him doing so as well.

Collapsing on top of you, he turns and kisses all ovver the side of your face quicky.

“Mwah!mwah!mwah!” He says as he does so.

You laugh and ghost your fingernails over his shoulder blades.

“You’re so stupid issei.” It’s a followed by a soft giggle.

“Whatever. You’re the stupid one.”

“What?! How?!”

He looks at you raising a brow.

“Sneaking out? Partying? Failing your classes? All because I went off to school and you thought i’d meet another girl? That’s stupid.”

“Whatever…”

“You know I’m right.”

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

8 months later

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

“Are you excited to start university?” Hiro’s voice chirps at you from across the room.

“Yes! I’m happy i got into the same one as you and Su-su.” You beam at him.

“Yeah. Matsukawa won’t shut the hell up about it,” his eyes roll. “And just so you know. You will not be taking over our dorm.”

“Whatever Hiro.” Your eyes roll and your smile is now replaced with a scowl.

“Hey, hey, you two! Calm down. Y/n’s parents actually love her and so she has her own dorm like a damn brat.” Oikawa’s voice now interrupts you and Hiro making faces and flipping each other off.

“I am not a brat!” Your tone is whiney, like a toddler throwing a fit.

“Loud and wrong.” Iwa’s voice is harsh and cold, but you know he’s just poking some fun at you.

“Leave her alone! Just because our parents didn’t want to pay thousands extra for us to have our own rooms doesn’t make her a brat!” Your, now, boyfriend Mattsun says, approaching behind you.

“Issei don’t be sarcastic! I’ll have you guys know my parents only did it because i finished with perfect marks in school. So it’s my reward.” You cross your arms, huffing and looking away from the four boys who are all gathered in your room, helping you pack for college.

Hiro puts on a fake frilly posh accent, “my daddy says because i did a good job he’s going to buy me a Mercedes!”

“Shut up Hiro!” You holler.

The boys are all snickering at your annoyance.

“All right, all right, our bad.” Iwaizumi huffs out and uses his hands to motion for everyone to calm down.

“Now on to more pressing matters,” Oikawa speaks. “Care to explain why these are in your dresser drawer y/n?” He now reveals a box of condoms.

You feel your heart drop to your feet, then a sudden need to defend yourself comes over you.

“Why are you opening my underwear drawer?” You point at him.

His face drops.

All the boys are now giving him blank stares, waiting to see what he says.

“You told me to empty them out! I didnt know it was your underwear drawer. But when i opened it these were on top!”

You roll your eyes.

“Perv.” You scoff turning away to resume filling the box you had with your belongings.

“Whatever. Answer the question.” Oikawa says.

“It’s pretty self explanatory.”

“Yeah but these are magnums.”

“Ok? We already had this conversation last year at Issei’s.”

“Uhhh, nuh uh!,” oikawa wags his finger back and forth. “We had they hypothesis it wouldn’t work. Thats what we talked about.”

“Tooru..” Issei now interjects. It’s a warning to him to stop having this conversation.

Oikawa doesn’t listen.

“So?”

“So what?” You sneer.

“Does it?”

“Barely! There! Are you happy?” You are obviously exasperated at the fact you had to answer or deal with Oikawa never leaving you alone about it.

‘Ayeeee’s and a ‘my boy!’ Fill your room for a moment.

You walk over and snatch the box from Oikawas hands.

“Asshole.”

He sticks his tongue out at your reply.

Issei moves forwards and wraps his arm around your waist, his other reaching around to grab the box out of your hands.

“I’ll take that!” He says with a smile and kiss to your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” A faint blush dusts your face, and a small smile, despite your annoyed tone.

Issei can tell you’re not mad.

“You know you love me.” He says, a smirk on his face.

“Unfortunately.” You now deadpan out to him.

Masterlist

[ki-yomii]

baby, don't go | myg

➥pairing | ex!min yoongi x f!reader, mentioned f!reader x omc ➥word count | 5.1k ➥warning(s) | 🔞 smut; dirty talk, pet names, praise kink, squirting, hand job, finger fucking, porn w/ plot, angst w/ a happy ending, alcohol, exes to lovers, implied cheating (omc is a fuckboy), implied getting back together (reader & yoongi still low key love each other), idol!yoongi ➥summary | "hii can I request for an exes to lovers trope with yoongi 😭💖 lovee your ficss" you find out your boyfriend is cheating on you. thankfully your ex Yoongi is more than happy to distract you. ➥notes | hope you enjoy this anon 😘💚 omc & ofc are named after characters from one of my favourite k-dramas (personal taste iykyk)

💚 masterlist | inbox | AO3 💚

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

Standing beside you, your friend Kae-In takes a swig of whatever's in her cup - a sickly sweet concoction of fruity soju and Chilsung, most likely - and coolly surveys the backyard.

Small groups of people dot the manicured lawn, others lounging by the fire as they catch up with one another. It's been far too long since everyone's schedules aligned like this.

Years in fact, and there are several who came in from out of town.

Ordinarily you'd be over the moon, but as it were you can barely drum up enough false excitement for your best friend. Let alone others you haven't seen in forever.

Cocking her hip, Kae-In puckers her mouth. "The alcohol isn't even that good." She sighs, pretty face scrunching in disappointment. "Some party this is turning out to be."

Your hard cider, still more than half-full, hides an awkward, ill-fitting smile.

Having nursed your own drink for the last hour, whatever might've been enjoyable about it is long gone. Any refreshing coolness and bright, punchy taste replaced by amber liquid far past room temperature in your clammy palm.

In fact, the fizzy warmth and tart aftertaste of moldering apples turns your stomach with every half-hearted sip.

"At least there's cute guys here - some of them have really grown up."

Her breath ruffles the fringe of her bangs when she huffs, casting an eye to the glass bottle strangled in your grip.

"Are you sure you don't want something a little stronger?"

You shrug. "Yeah, I'm fine - gotta be the DD just in case, y'know?"

"Girl, you're ALWAYS the DD. C'mon, you gotta live a little sometimes."

The nonchalant scolding stings, even if it's meant almost entirely in jest but it's not Kae-In's fault. She doesn't know. No one does. You couldn't muster up the courage to tell her the truth.

Not yet.

It's still too fresh. The wound too raw to go poking around with clumsy fingers.

"Don't be like that," you say with a faltering smile. "I'm having fun."

LIAR.

In actuality, you're a few frayed threads away from snapping. Stuck clinging to the edge of sanity by the fingernails as you battle back tides of crippling grief and blinding rage.

Have been since the first few messages came rolling in; questions with videos attached. There's a part of you grateful they reached out, while another altogether wishes you hadn't seen.

At least not until morning.

Would one more night spent in ignorant bliss have been too much to ask for?

Now you're riding a corkscrew of emotion, one that roils and chafes as ceaseless images parade past your eyelids with every blink. Each one as crisp and clear as the first time you pressed play.

The swirling lights, the heady thrum of bodies. A darkened corner. Your boyfriend of three years who said he couldn't make it. His hand sneaking beneath the hem of a cheap, glittery skirt. The dip of his head as he tucks into the curve of a neck, mouth open and smiling against bare skin.

You shudder, stomach rebelling. When you swallow, it's like trying to down buckets of sand.

Kae-In, none the wiser, flicks her hair over her shoulder. "Well, that makes one of us. I guess." Shrugging, she turns to you and asks with a furrowed brow, "Are you sure you're okay? You seem... a little off."

Panic grabs you by the throat.

This was supposed to be a night full of fun and laughter. You're not supposed to be suffocating in a crowded backyard. On the brink of tears and trying to act like your life hasn't imploded.

Alone - by your own doing, which is even worse - to deal with the crushing weight of an inevitable breakup. The painful extrication of two lives entwined.

How a relationship three years in the making can be shattered in a minute and forty-five seconds is mind boggling. You had it all, and now...

You thought you were going to marry him.

The whiplash of it all almost makes you laugh but only so you don't break down in great, heaving sobs. A heartbreak you're not sure you'll ever recover from. Not for the loss of him but rather the decimation of your trust.

"I'm okay, promise! No need to worry."

The lie weighs heavy on your tongue. Tastes of ash as the words you really want to say hover in the back of your throat, a breath away. Only they can't make it past your lips, stuck to your teeth like hard candy.

"It's just been one of those days."

Your shoulders shoot towards your ears when she hums in response. Fingernails picking at the corner of the sweating cider label so you don't have to meet Kae-In's piercing gaze. You know she can see right through you, and you hate it.

What started as a fun night of planned mayhem turned into desperate distractions though this party has done very little in terms of brightening your mood.

Instead, watching everyone you know have a good time while you stand on the side lines, a stranger in a sea of people, feels more akin to rubbing salt in an open wound.

Miserable but acting like you’re not; waves of bitter loneliness threatening to pull you under because you don’t want to ruin the night.

“Is this because Chang-ryul couldn’t make it?” Kae-In pats your back sympathetically. “What bullshit excuse did he give you this time? I swear, he always does this. Just wait. I’m gonna hit him next time I see him.”

Oh, you don’t even know, you think. You’ll definitely want to do more than hit him.

Your heart throbs at the sound of his name, and isn’t that funny? Such a simple thing - nothing but syllables and letters strung together - and yet it has the power to unmake you completely.

Your tongue swells as you struggle to swallow. Words burn like bile as you force out a laugh; brittle, scraped up from the depths of your chest

“I’d pay to see that,” you croak. Your knuckles ache from how tightly you’re gripping the bottle. “But - no. C-Chang-ryul has nothing to do with it.”

You hate that you stutter over his name.

And perhaps that’s why you don’t want to tell Kae-In just yet.

She’s always hated him.

Always said he was no good. Just another fuckboy looking for beds to warm and hearts to break. And she’s right.

God, why does she have to be right?

You know she’d never hold it over you, but the thought of admitting it - out loud - makes you want to vomit all over your shoes. You need time to stitch your edges back together. Too raw and ragged.

You only just found out.

Your pride can’t handle any more hits right now.

She thumbs her nose with an inelegant snort. “Whatever you say. I could take him in a fight. That boy ain’t shit.”

Your laugh startles you - the first genuine one of the evening - and you shake your head fondly. A soft smile tugs at your lips.

“Oh, no doubt. But really, I’ve just been in a weird mood.”

The twist of her lips shows she doesn’t believe a word you’re saying, but she’s kind enough not to press. Instead, she spends the next while distracting you with tales of her various escapades of the week.

And it helps for a time, truly.

But then you feel a buzz against your thigh, a ding echoing up from your pocket. Your stomach turns to lead, drops to your feet. Without looking at the screen, you pull the cell out of your pocket with shaky hands and quickly flick the ringer off.

Meanwhile, Kae-In watches silently with sharp eyes, and an even sharper frown though she declines to comment on your behavior.

“Anyway,” she continues once she has your attention, “as I was saying, did you see little Ji-Seok? Dude shot up like a tree! Last time I saw him he was as big as a bean sprout.”

You hum, worlds away.

“You could at least act like you’re paying attention,” she sucks her teeth before a smirk starts to slowly tug at her lips, “How about we talk about something - or someone - I know you’ll be interested in?”

Guilt sparks but slowly gives way to dread. You know that expression. Have gotten into trouble more times than you can count because of it.

Heart tattooing a rhythm against your rib cage, you sputter, “Oh no. No! Do not look at me like that.”

“C’mo-on!” she wheedles. “You’re absolutely right. We should be talking about,” she points at someone across the yard with her cup, “Yoongi instead.”

Currently leaning back against a stone wall making up part of the fence, Yoongi nurses a beer. Sticking out like a sore thumb now that he’s making it big as an idol, no longer as mundane as the rest of them.

Hushed whispers follow his every move, his bleached hair and flashy outfit commanding all sorts of covert attention.

The sharp cut of his shirt flatters his lean frame, the black leather jacket over top emphasizing the width of his shoulders. Dark jeans cling to his legs, as tight as a second skin, and causing your attention to stray where it shouldn’t.

And his eyes - oh, how you ever forgot is beyond you.

Dark, hooded, deep, and hungry; intense as they drag over the planes of your face like the caress of his fingers.

Shit.

You shove Kae-In’s hand down with a loud smack before she makes an even bigger fool out of you in front of another ex.

“What the hell are you doing?” You hiss. “That’s so rude!”

Not to mention embarrassing as fuck.

“Y’know,” she pauses to wiggle her brows and shoot you an impish grin, “I bet Yoongi would be more than happy to remind you of how rude he can be.”

You smother a groan in your hands, heartache temporarily forgotten. “I can’t believe you. Seriously. We’re no longer friends.”

“Bitch, you love me. And anyway, you know what I can’t believe?” She asks. “You!”

She gestures towards him again amid your flailing attempts to stop her. “Look at him. Like goddamn, you had it good.”

You take a sip of cider to give your hands something to do, nearly blanching at the warm liquid. Refusing to respond or look up as the topic of conversation watches like a hawk, gaze heavy.

How can he still make you weak-kneed after all this time?

He wasn’t even touching you and you still feel his presence down to your toes, setting your teeth on edge.

You hear your own heartbeat, your breathing shaky, sparks of awareness dancing along your spine. Heat creeps into the apples of your cheeks.

“Knock it off, I’m serious.”

“No, when are you going to get that Chang-ryul isn’t good for you?”

You swallow roughly, all the moisture leaving your mouth.

“Yoongi was the best boyfriend you ever had and treated you the way you deserve. And you know he’s never been interested in anyone but you. Hell, he’s barely looked away from you since he got here and the break-up was years ago.”

You shift, perspiration breaking out on your brow. “Can we please stop talking about this?”

“When will you give it up?” She blows a raspberry, shaking her head. “I know you regret how it went down between you guys. Now that he’s here - when you finally have a chance to make it right you just - just - ugh!”

Shooting her a weak half-smile and a shrug, you turn your attention to the small glowing fire pit.

Other’s are gathered around it, relishing in the glow of warmth that wars against the balmy summer breeze cutting through the air. Focusing on the dance and flicker of the flames is a needed moment of peace in entropy.

Though you know it isn’t going to last - not with a motormouth for a friend.

“So-o, what are you waiting for?”

“Sorry?”

She nods towards Yoongi subtly.

He’s finally busy with his own conversation, his gummy smile a quick flash of brightness. “When are you going to stick it to Chang-ryul and hop on that dick?”

“Oh my god!”

Kae-In shrugs. “What.”

“Don’t 'what' me. Seriously?”

A bony elbow digs between your ribs. You wheeze.

“C’mon,” she says, “You already know it’s good with him, and you deserve someone who’s there for you 110%. Someone who will treat you right. You know I worry about you.”

A wave of emotions threatens to completely drown you in that moment, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. Her tender concern - her care - feels altogether too much and not enough.

As overwhelming as a tsunami; your heart a raw, exposed nerve.

All you’ve ever wanted was to be loved.

To feel like someone’s first and only choice.

You used to think Chang-ryul was someone who could provide that. What a fool you’ve been. Men like him don’t fall in love, they only pretend to.

They sneak inside your heart and take what they want from your bed. To him, you’re nothing but a fun little stop; a footnote, read and forgotten.

Your heart squeezes, shuddering from a pain your palm can’t soothe away.

It’s a terrible idea.

But maybe…

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to lick your wounds with someone you know cares about you. Has always cared about you, and probably always will.

Clearing your throat, you consider his profile from beneath your lashes.

Yoongi's always made you feel wanted. Looked after you as though you were something rare and precious.

It’s been a long time since you’ve felt that.

Somehow, some way, he senses you looking because he pauses mid-sentence.

Turns to meet you head-on, tracing your face with what can only be called greed. Stopping short when they catch on the lip trapped between your teeth.

Something akin to hunger cuts across his face.

His brows dip low, a palpable heat flooding the inky depths of his eyes. Shadows deepen the lines of his face, the shifting firelight highlighting the flex of a jawline for days, burning halo gold in his hair.

It’s a look you’re intimately familiar with.

Usually preceding a hand-shaking, mind-numbing fuck session where his cock gets as deep as it can, rutting hard and fast, bringing you over the edge again and again until you’re left a wrecked mess. 

Your heart jumps, gallops headlong into a rapid beat.

You feel the rush of blood in your chest, every breath stuttered, stomach lurching. Shaking. Jittery. Tongue tied in a thousand knots and you haven’t even said a word.

It was much easier to pretend you weren’t so magnetically drawn to Yoongi when you weren’t riding the single’s train. When he was away in Seoul chasing after his dreams.

Now that he’s got downtime and your relationship has hit a brick wall? His mere presence sears you to the bone. Drags you in like a black hole.

And that?

So not good.

Swallowing roughly, you tear your attention away. You’d forgotten how intense and blindly bright he can be.

There’s a throb developing in your temple, sharp little darts of pain lancing through your skull. An impending headache if you don’t get some air that doesn’t taste like wood-smoke and cheap alcohol.

“I think I’m gonna head in for a bit. Need to get away.”

You shake your head and toss your bottle into the bin on the way inside, Kae-In shouting her acknowledgement with a thumbs up. Makes you promise to contact her in case of any change in plans.

Nearly everyone’s outside so it should be less crowded, more quiet. Most importantly, away from Yoongi and that penetrating stare which makes you more flustered than you care to admit.

Alas, the kitchen isn’t empty not for long.

You’re lounging against the counter, elbows bent, head rolled back and stinging eyes closed when the back door creaks open. Biting off a groan, you swivel your head to the side.

When you see it’s Yoongi who follows you in, you almost slip and brain yourself on the tile. Mouth dry, palms sweaty, heart beating out of control; scrambling into a more flattering posture while patting down your hair.

He chuckles, his nose scrunched and smile coy.

Seeing him happy always makes you tender, weak.

It seems that hasn’t changed a bit.

No amount of pictures or videos do it justice. Granted, Yoongi looks good any time, any day. But seeing his whole face light up like that in person? Utterly priceless.

It’s a struggle to breathe properly around the lump forming in your throat.

Of course, it has to be him.

Wiping your palms off on your thighs, you greet him with an awkward wave, “Uhhh, hey - hey there, Yoongi.”

Oh my god. Abort mission, I repeat, abort mission.

“Y’know what,” you say, “I was just about to head back outside…”

As you pass by, he catches your arm.

Long fingers curl around your wrist, callouses dragging across your pulse. Your gut clenches, an unexpected bloom of warmth shooting through your core at the sight of his broad palm holding you captive.

His grip is firm but loose enough that you could pull away.

All it serves to do is remind you of nights spent beneath his body, the slide of sweat-slick skin, the taste of him heavy on your tongue, pussy filled to the brim with cock. His rough voice music to your ears, prideful as he gloats about how well you’re taking him.

"Leaving so soon?” He asks silkily.

A hard tug sends you slamming into the wall of his chest.

Air rushes from your lungs, your hands trapped against his collarbones. Firm muscles contract beneath your palms, his body shoving into your touch.

Twisting your fingers in the soft cotton of his shirt, you look at him from beneath your lashes. Your voice whisper soft when you say, “Yoongi…”

His dark eyes, the colour of a rich espresso, track the path of your tongue as you wet your lips. Fingers drag over the soft line of your neck, tracing your fluttering pulse.

Touch feather light as it stops by the corner of your mouth, pressing down on the swell of your lip.

“I haven’t said hello yet.”

Eyes wide, all you do is watch and wait with baited breath. Stunned into silence at his proximity. It’s been so long since you’ve been this close, the smell of his expensive cologne nostalgic.

Your body recognizes his, responding all the same. The connection between you electric, overwhelmingly so.

His head bows, bleached strands brushing your forehead. The tip of his nose rubs yours. You get lost in counting his eyelashes, tracing the bridge of his nose to the carved slope of his cheeks.

Surrounded by him, the urge to resist what’s happening is nearly non-existent. Though you wish it wasn’t so easy to be caught by him.

“One of the guys said something interesting,” he says, his breath ghosting across your face; mint and beer. “It's about you actually.”

He flashes the smile that sends your heart soaring, your stomach flipping.

The slightest peek of a metal chain resting in the crook of his neck, surrounded by a very tempting patch of skin you want to taste, has you a little dumbfounded, absentminded.

“Oh?”

You really hope you don’t sound as frazzled as you feel but the haughty superiority of his slow appraisal of your body, the cocksure smirk on his lips states otherwise.

You really wish you could knock him down a peg but confidence looks amazing on him.

Always has.

“They said you have a boyfriend now. Is that true?”

You manage the slightest shake of your head in the negative - no, not anymore - your heart thundering in your ears.

Your breath catches in anticipation just before Yoongi closes the remaining inches between you with a hum of approval.

His head tilts to the side as he slots your mouths together in a kiss that’s got your toes curling. A filthy wet slide of lips, his the slightest bit chapped, send you under, liquid warmth filling your belly.

You inhale sharply, a moan vibrating against his lips.

Melting into the cage of his arms as his hands clamp down on your hips possessively, tugging you closer. Pressed stem to stern like this there’s no hiding the evidence of his desire.

He’s already half-hard in his jeans, his erection pressing against the zipper.

His eyes are hooded when he pulls away.

“Wanna take this somewhere a little more private, baby?” Yoongi asks, running his nose up the length of your neck and inhaling.

How is this my life, you think, dazed.

His hips grind forward against you so there’s no mistaking what you’re dealing with. “It’ll be just like old times.”

After an awkward fumble and an elbow to the side, you settle on the downstairs bathroom. He follows, quickly pinning you to the door while struggling to toss his leather jacket over the sink.

With a flick of the lock, you’re finally alone without any possible interruption. The door muffles most of the ruckus outside, leaving you hyper aware of every hurried breath, every low-throated murmur.

For a long while it’s nothing but a mess of lips, his body molding to yours. Easy to fall back into the old rhythms of your relationship as though you never left it.

He holds you down.

His fingers in your hair, on your jaw. His tongue gliding over your lip, sucking it into his mouth and letting it slide back out through his teeth.

You meet him kiss for kiss, your hands finding their way into his back pockets, tugging, groping, loving how he bucks up into the cradle of your hips in response.

A sweet ache settles low and deep.

“Yoongi,” you sigh. “Fuck, I forgot how much you like to tease.”

His thumb circles your nipple through your shirt, teasing it into a sensitive, stiff peak that shows through the thin fabric.

The caresses send soft pulses straight to your clit, the intensity getting stronger and stronger the rougher he is.

Before long, you’re aware of how achingly empty you are.

Yoongi nips the corner of your jaw.

“Never forgot how fun teasing you is,” he murmurs into the silk of your skin. “How wet you get for me.”

“Shit, you can’t just say something like that.”

“Can’t I?” His laugh, genuine and vibrant, sounds through his chest and into yours. “You can bitch all you want, but I know you love it.”

A smile, all teeth.

“Isn’t that right, baby?”

You glare at him weakly through half lidded eyes.

Two can play that game.

“Fuck!” Yoongi bites out, those impossibly dark eyes sliding shut when you reach down to palm him through his jeans.

His breath whooshes from him in a loud exhale, his jaw working back and forth. “That’s cheating.”

You smirk, feeling him throb in your hand.

”What were you saying, Yoongs?” Humming, you rub your chest against his, using a fingertip to trace the outline of his shaft. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

Spearing you with a weighted look, Yoongi shoves you back into the door harder than before, the wood creaking under the pressure. Fist resting on the frame next to your head, his body cages you in.

Every shuddered inhale has the planes of his firm chest pressing into yours with the expansion of his lungs. His hips buck up into the softness of your palm with a grunt.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, pretty girl,” he cautions.

Competitiveness is a gift and a curse.

Not one to be outdone, you brush away any lingering reservations - which being honest, there weren’t many left. His relieved groan when you tug out his cock reverberates through you.

Shit, that’s so unfair.

Yoongi already sounds wrecked yet you’ve barely touched him. How the fuck are you going to get through this without completely combusting when he actually cums?

Thinking that maybe focusing on what you’re doing will help, you look down.

Big mistake.

Dark designer jeans circle his thighs, low enough for his cock to spring free.

Flushed, curved towards his belly, the head swollen and sticky with pre-cum. The shaft a decent handful that pulses when your palm skims the side.

Feminine appreciation at the sight has velvet heat pooling between your thighs, pussy clenching at the thought of him inside you.

Sex with him was always stupidly good.

All those veiled lyrics about his skill in the bedroom far too accurate for comfort.

Since you broke up, you haven’t been with anyone that comes close to his ability in getting you off.

He’s ruined you.

His face burrows into the crook of your neck with a low groan. His breath puffs across your skin, shivers racing down your spine.

Low voice full of grit, he says, “Shit, baby, that feels…”

Hot palms anchor themselves to your hips.

“Wait a sec,” he says, body twitching with aborted thrusts, strong fingers kneading. “Wanna do you too.”

Heart jumping, you let go of him long enough to yank your shirt over your head and kick off your pants before returning your hand to his cock.

In the meantime, he rucks his shirt up under his armpits. You can’t help but make a noise in the back of your throat as the length of his torso is exposed.

All that soft, smooth skin stretching over his stomach as he flexes. You have to fight down the urge to run your tongue along the outline of his hip.

Mouth slack, Yoongi pushes up the cups of your bra. Watches laser-focused on the bounce of your tits as they drop free, subtly swaying with every jerk of your wrist.

His hips fuck up into the circle of your hand while one of his own inches down to brush the crease of your thigh. Your hips tilt towards his touch, desperate for friction.

“Oh god.” He moans, calloused fingers dipping between your folds. “You’re so wet for me.”

You wiggle, whining against his lips as you meet in a messy kiss. His touch is light, gentle, barely there as he traces the length of your slit.

You’re trembling, skin too tight, body feverish. “Stop teasing, I want you inside me.”

Those seem to be the magic words because Yoongi gives a rumble of approval, using his thumb to spread slick over your swollen clit in tight circles.

Heat coils in your belly, electricity racing down your spine. Your thighs splay as wide as they can, making room for his hand.

His knuckles brush your skin.

Dipping down to your entrance, Yoongi works on spreading you open with shallow thrusts until you take three fingers comfortably.

Your needy sighs and soft moans bounce off the walls.

His low murmurs right in your ear as the pads stroke your walls, his wrist flexing. He’s hitting all the right spots, still remembering how to get you off years after the fact.

You’re quickly turning weak-kneed and wet eyed.

“Fuck, Yoongs, right there,” you keen, baring down on the digits nudging your g-spot, your grip tightening around his shaft.

You grind your palm over the swollen tip, gathering beads of pre-cum.

He hisses, thrusts off beat.

Fingers nudge up suddenly, pressing deep and holding in retaliation. White lightening crackles behind your eyelids, thighs twitching, mouth dropping open.

“Yeah, just like that, pretty girl.”

Your world narrows down to every filthy slide of his cock in your hand, every gush of slick as he stuffs fingers into you over and over again until you’re a writhing mess against the door.

Your nerve endings are alive with pleasure, the stimulation too much and not enough.

“Please, don’t stop.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says, doubling his efforts, wrist working faster.

Dapples of sweat litter his brow, his eyes staring into yours, glazed over and lusting.

Fuck, he’s handsome like this.

It’s a little embarrassing how bad he’s got you but between the blissed-out expression he’s wearing, the weight of him in your hand, and how full you are, you know this orgasm is going to be quick, messy.

The pace of his hips pick up, his breath hitching in his throat, length twitching and thickening in your grip.

He’s getting close, his touch rougher, more force behind the snapping thrusts of his hips, teeth nipping at the side of your neck.

“Come on, baby,” you say, breathless, twisting your hand on the upstroke. He smothers a grunt in your shoulder. “Give it to me.”

It doesn’t take much more to bring him to the edge.

A particular spread of his fingers has you jolting, a sudden, intense spike of pleasure shooting right to your clit.

In turn, you unintentionally massage his cock, knuckles bumping the underside of the swollen head.

He’s a goner.

Cumming with a low, wounded whine and a shuttered thrust, Yoongi smacks the door with his free hand. Thick spurts of jizz make an absolute mess of his stomach and your knuckles.

Sagging forward like a doll with cut strings, all his dead weight bears down on you.

He pants, small tremors wrack his frame. “Baby,” he murmurs, pressing a wet kiss to your jaw, “I missed you s’much.”

“Missed you too,” you reply, using nice, languid strokes to wring the last of his orgasm out of him. “More than I thought I did.”

In lieu of a response, Yoongi wiggles his fingers inside you, rebuilding the rhythm he lost. He flutters them, curls up against your walls, peppering kisses along the length of your jaw with a hum.

Slick drips down his wrist, the sloppy sound of him finger fucking your cunt blending with a surge of desperate moans.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Yoongi says against your chin. “So fucking hot, wanna see you cum.”

Your back arches, your fingers digging into the width of his shoulders, head smacking the door with a dull thud.

“Can you do that for me?”

Nodding frantically, you fall apart with a broken gasp. Clamping down so hard he can’t move, the cramps softened by the throbbing heat washing over you. Blood rushes in your ears as your pussy gushes around his fingers.

“Good girl,” he praises, tone heated. “You did so well for me.”

By the time your brain comes back online, you’ve forgotten all about Chang-ryul and the constant vibration of your phone where it’s shoved - forgotten - into your pocket.

The only thing that matters is Yoongi with his tender kisses and greedy hands.

[heymrspatel]

ian’s feeling a little self conscious and mickeys just straight up loving on his husband and telling him how sexy and fine he looks!

ohohooo boy you've hit me right in the chest with this one... ok, let's see!

---

ian's having one of those days. those days that don't happen super often anymore, but they do happen. waking up feeling physically heavy, groggy, slow. the harsh lighting in the bathroom making him notice those extra soft bits on his body, where he used to be taught and lean. he looks down, where his tummy sticks out above the band of his boxers, sighs.

eyes back up, he brushes his teeth, gazes at his reflection, and acknowledges that this is a fleeting feeling - because nowadays he looks at himself and sees it. happiness and health and comfort in his settled life. he loves it. he's sturdy, strong, beefy. he's soft, holdable, grounding. he sees it, he knows, mickey reminds him.

he sees it, washes his toothbrush, wipes at his face, takes a final look. he knows, but it's just one of those days. he turns off the judgmental fluorescents and pads back into the bedroom towards his....

my god... there, face bathed in soft light and gorgeous, mickey. he's shifted in the ten or so minutes ian's been gone. sprawled out and entirely tangled in the comforter. left hand sticking out and clutching ian's pillow - like he was searching, wanting, grasping - coming up empty. he's awake now. ian moves, the floors creak, mickey's eyes zero in on him.

"do you know how fucking cold it is in this room?... why the fuck are you up this early?" and ian's quiet, suddenly realizing he came to a stop in front of their full length mirror. a glance at himself, back at mickey. maybe he doesn't have to be up yet, it's saturday. maybe he can spare lounging around a bit more. glance and back. he should get under there, mickey said he's cold. glance, back. he doesn't move, rooted in place. "...come back under here and get on me!" glance...

"babyface... c'mere"

he moves. mickey rolling away, untangling, giving him his space in bed back... immediately shifting back and attaching himself to him. "always leaving me here in the mornings... can't stick around for me? hmm?" the drama of it all making ian chuckle and press his lips to mickey's forehead. he feels mickey's hands wander around his chest and down to his belly, making him draw in a breath and stiffen. he sees mickey's eyes squint and his nose scrunch in the process. a small tut escaping his lips. here it comes.

"got myself a human heater... warm and soft. teddy bear mother fucker." and that's a new one! "you gotta stop leaving me here every morning. you're like one of them weighted blankets you're always going on about... hmmph... comfy." he nuzzles into ian's chest, wrapping tighter around him, and breathing so deeply. smiling. "smell so good... i think i get why you're always sniffin'." giving quick cute pecks along his collar bone. "so many freckles. all over. this one here is my favorite." he moves to the hollow of his neck. giving it a little lick.

and ian can't help but giggle really. because his husband is so in tune, because he always knows when something is up, because his licks are tickling him!

mickey pulls until he's securely pinned under ian. "my big guy. cover me just right" his hands begin their familiar dance. over ian's strong shoulders, down the muscles of his back, lightly scratching back up. "you threw me around so good last night. was fucking airborne at one point."

oh. these giggly kisses are some of ian's favorites!

"you gave it to me so good and hard, made me grab on to all of you, huh?" his hands are everywhere, covering ian's body with love. "so sexy. do you know how good you feel and look when you're overpowering me like that?" the complete contrast of his statement and his soft lips making ian all fuzzy and warm.

"so good. so soft. so strong. so hard." a mantra. each declaration punctuated with the sweetest kisses. his hands wandering, grabbing, pressing ian's weight down. soft little moans making an appearance.

and god if ian doesn't feel like he's floating! high, on a cloud. sustained by mickey's touches, his sounds, his scent. his words, his words, his words. breaking through and helping him see and remember what he already knows. because today is one of those days, yes, and it'll take more than this to claw his way fully out... but he's being uplifted and loved and touched in the right ways. in the ways that wiggle in and help chip at that wall and appears in times like these.

he sees his strong arms framing mickey's head, how his size and weight are making him feel. he knows he's good, he's healthy, he feels his heart pumping strong and full of love in his chest. it'll take more than this, but this helps. every part of this helping, chipping away.

he breathes, he kisses, mickey moans...

he sees, he knows, mickey reminds him...

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 7 (MBJ x OC)

Warnings: harassment, public sex, the usual BDSM warnings apply heavilyyyy lol

A/N: Umm this is a fun one! Mostly fluff with a little drama lol We're getting into the holiday spirit with a couple time jumps so enjoyyy!

***

“I have a surprise for you,” Michael whispered, chuckling as Raven tucked herself deeper into the covers. 

They had been out at a party until late and then Michael proceeded to have his way with her at his condo until the wee hours of the morning. Her body still ached from the suspension ropes he hung her from for over an hour. It was her first introduction into true restraints and bondage and she enjoyed it far more than she thought she would. And now, all she and her limbs wanted to do was burrow in her covers and sleep all day. 

“Is the surprise a hot bath?” she called, her words still muffled by the heavy duvet cover. 

“Nah.” 

“Ok well then I hate surprises,” she mumbled, causing Michael to laugh. 

“Come on, this is a fun one. I promise!” 

She groaned and dramatically flopped the covers from over her face and pouted. “I was a really good girl last night and this is my reward? Being woken up at ungodly hours?” 

Michael raised an eyebrow and glanced down at his Apple Watch. “It’s 10 am, baby.” 

Her heart fluttered at the word baby, her eyes casting downward as she tried to limit the smile that wanted to bloom on her lips. She still was not used to it yet. To the world and everyone around them, nothing had changed. But for them, everything had changed. They were a real couple, bonafide and no longer faking or pretending. There was a new intimacy to it that she had not expected. And freedom. It was so clear to her now how much both of them had been holding back, how muted what they felt for each other truly was before. Because now, they could both experience the full breadth of their love for each other, could express it and receive it. And it made both of them wonder if they had ever experienced true romantic love before each other. Because this was everything and so much more. 

Everything felt lighter and easier. And yet, Raven could not help but feel like there was a dark cloud looming over them, a deep-seeded fear that everything she felt would be taken away. Perhaps she was just worried that, even if they were telling the truth about their romance now, they had started off as a lie. It did not seem like the steadiest of foundations. However, she chose to brush those fears aside. They were just her doubts and insecurities talking. She had never felt for a man like she felt for Michael, never felt so loved by someone. It felt good and she realized she never knew true happiness until now. Sure, there had been times when she was happy. But pure uninhibited bliss? That was only a state Michael could bring out in her. 

“So what’s this big surprise?” She asked as she stretched her body long in the bed before sliding out. 

Her slippers shuffled against the floor as she made her way to his bathroom to get ready for the day. 

“Wouldn’t be a big surprise if I told you now, would it?” 

“I hate you,” she grumbled, though the smile on her face let him know that was a complete and utter lie. 

“You weren’t sayin’ that last night… in fact, I distinctly remember making you scream the exact opposite,” he mused as his fingers played with the delicate thin strap of her night gown as he moved it to the side to press delicate kisses against her warm skin. “Over and over and over again. Maybe I need to give you a refresher.” 

She smirked and decided to play the brat, excited for where the experience could take her. “Seems like the first lesson didn’t stick… not a very  effective teacher it seems, Mr. Jordan.” 

Michael chuckled. “You’re gon’ regret that shit. But lucky for you, we gotta get to the house soon so I ain’t got time to put you in your place. But tonight, that ass is mine.” 

Raven clenched her thighs together and grinned. Of course, he was not too foolish to not realize that was the exact outcome she wanted. 

The pair listened to music as they got dressed in comfortable clothes and drove over to Michael’s family’s house. Everyone was there, hot chocolate and breakfast waiting. The entire entry way was filled with bins and boxes of ornaments, decorations, and trees. 

“What’s all this?” 

Michael smiled. “Well ma don't let December 1 pass without ensuring the house is decorated so figured you could help us out this year. I remember you tellin’ me your grandma would let you decorate her tree and thought you might like it.” 

Raven felt everything inside her melt and her eyes well up with tears. He seemed to remember literally everything she told him. 

“Y-Yea I would like that,” she offered, her throat tight as she tried not to cry. 

“Don’t cry, Rae,” he laughed, pulling her into a hug. “It was supposed to make you happy.” 

“I am happy,” she whispered pitifully as her tears stained his sweater. 

“My cute crybaby,” he kissed her on the top of her head. “Ok, no tears on decorating day or moms’ll never let you live it down. Come on.” 

Raven laughed and wiped them away before following him into the kitchen. Everyone greeted her with hugs and smiles. All of them joked around and talked as they ate the delicious breakfast Michael’s mom prepared. Raven felt as if she had gained 10 pounds since spending more time at Michael’s house.

“Ok baby girl,” Michael gestured toward the many decorations in his foyer. “You get to be creative director. We got four trees.” 

Raven’s eyes bugged out of her head. “Four trees??” 

“One in here, one in the living room, one upstairs and then one in the basement.” 

Raven let out a breathy chuckle as she took in his matter of fact tone, as if to say everyone had enough space for four trees. 

She studied the available decorations before pulling all of them out and sectioning them off. And before she knew it, Christmas music blared on the speakers and the troops went to work, decorating all four trees. Michael and Raven were in charge of the second largest one in his family room, Raven needing a ladder to decorate the full thing. 

The pair had a ball decorating, Michael thoroughly amused at Raven’s strong opinions on how to fluff out a fake tree. She had a professional eye for detail that he had not expected as she worked. But there was a playfulness to all of it, a joy that made him thankful he went this route instead of his usual. She sang loudly with the music playing, knowing every word to every song that came on. And her entire body practically bounced around as they finished their tree and she went to go help with the others. 

By the time they finished dinner and stowed away all the extra decorations and cleaned up, they were exhausted. Everyone else had gone to bed, leaving Michael and Raven on his couch with cups of hot chocolate, spiked to Michael’s preference, and a movie playing in the background. 

Raven could barely look at the movie though as her eyes kept traveling to the two trees that were within eyesight and all the random Christmas decorations they had spread across his house. She felt as if she had stepped into a winter wonderland. 

“You did a great job as creative director,” he whispered as he watched her eyes study the tree Raven was in charge of. “Still mad at this surprise?” 

It was beautiful, decorated in soft colors of white, rose, and gold with small white lights. It was not the pristine and perfectly symmetrical tree he usually had in his living room, towering and professionally decorated to the point that it could have been in a magazine. No, every aspect of the 11 ft tree was done painstakingly, in Michael’s opinion, by hand. But something about it was more beautiful than any other Christmas tree he had ever had as an adult. It was crafted with love and attention and care, it was homey and perfect. 

She smiled. “No, you were right… It was a fun one. But I know you usually hire someone to do it.” 

“Who told you that?” 

“Your dad accidentally let it slip,” she chuckled. “It’s not as good as a real decorator could do. Not as… refined or perfect,” she scoffed, bowing her head, her own insecurities seeping in. That was her too… not refined enough or good enough to be on the arm of someone like him, to be in his life in this way. He could call her his girlfriend but her doubt about whether she deserved the designation still lingered like weeds.

His finger lifted her eyes back to his. “It’s perfect… exactly what the house needed but didn’t realize.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think we’re talkin’ about trees anymore.” 

“Don’t think we ever were,” he winked at her. 

Silence fell over them as they cuddled on the couch. Michael stared down at her, wondering if this was finally his chance. There was so much he still wanted to know about her, so much she revealed but still kept from him. He understood it but he wanted to consume every little thing there was to know about her, even the things that were hard to share. He wanted to help her carry her baggage or help her unpack it and set it down where she could. 

And there was one thing, one story, that she kept from him as much as she could. The one major thing about her life he still did not have the answer to but desperately wanted it.

“You ever gon’ tell me?” He asked quietly as Raven shifted so she was leaning her back against his chest. 

“Tell you what?” She threw him a confused glance. He knew everything worth knowing about her. 

“Why you stopped writing? You said you’d tell me one day.” 

Her face fell. She was not sure where she thought the conversation was going to go but it was not there. She supposed she was not going to be able to keep it a secret forever, particularly not when she revealed it to the whole dinner table at Thanksgiving by accident.

“Not that interesting of a story, I’m afraid.” She tried to downplay it as she shifted uncomfortably. And it wasn’t, half the women she knew had a story like hers, varying degrees of awfulness but the story was unfortunately common.

“Then tell me.” At her silence, he amended. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Rae. I just… want to know everything about you and if you’re up for sharing, I wanna hear it.” 

She sat up and turned to face him, her nails tapping against the ceramic mug as she brought her legs beneath her. 

“Just your typical ‘men ain’t shit’ story.” At his confused glance, she elaborated. “The first editor I had at my publisher was a woman and she was amazing. Worked with her on my first book and it was great. By the time it came out, we were starting to edit and refine the second and I had signed my contract for it. And… she had a baby and decided to be a stay at home mom. My new editor, this guy… he was good, great at his job. Nice enough to be unsuspecting and unassuming. But I could tell… well, I could tell he was attracted to me? Or liked me, you know? But I ignored it, figured as long as he didn’t try anything, it wouldn’t be a problem. One night, we were working late on his edits for the book and he… made a pass at me.” 

Michael’s eyes immediately darkened as if he knew exactly where the story was headed. She could immediately feel a shift in his whole demeanor, his outrage wafted off of him. And something about it was incredibly sexy… that he was so angry for her. 

She smiled. “Relax… you can put Killmonger back in his cage,” she teased with a soft smile. “He didn’t do that. I said no a-and he pushed, but I held firm. I’m not above using my body to get what I want… that much is obvious but I like for it to be my choice, not some asshole taking it away from me. Anyway, finally, he accepted that no meant no so we called it a night and I went home. All he had done was make me uncomfortable, he hadn’t hurt me or anything, so I figured he would just apologize and we’d both move on. A week later, my agent called and said that they weren’t gonna move forward with my book. I was no longer a fit for their publishing house.” 

Michael could still hear the pain and frustration that had been caused in her voice, despite her best efforts to keep the tone light. 

“The contract I signed after I submitted the draft gave them distribution rights for three years so I got a year and some change to go. I tried to think of new ideas, you know, write other stuff in the meantime but he blacklisted me from damn near every publishing house worth anything. So my agent dropped me. And then I was… just too tired to write anything after that. Like he had just taken all of life for it out of me?” She paused for a moment before continuing. “I was hoping to use the time to save up to eventually self publish the second one when I can but my family’s made that difficult,” she chuckled. “So yea… doing my 3 year bid and then I’ll be free. It won’t make me the same amount of money, but there’s freedom in self-publishing I guess. Being your own boss.” 

“I’m sorry. No one deserves that.” He figured it was something along those lines but it did not make it any easier to hear. 

She shrugged. “No, they don’t. But what can I say? I’m a magnet for shitty people.” Her tone attempted to lighten the mood but it fell flat. “Or… I dunno… too trusting of people who haven’t earned it,” she mused. “But if I wasn’t so trusting, I wouldn’t be here… with you. And I would’ve hated to miss out on this.” 

“I’d like to believe God would’ve helped us find our way to each other without you having to go through trauma and concussions,” he pushed her hair behind her ear. 

“Yea maybe. But without all that, I wouldn’t be the woman you love.” 

“How do you do that?” Michael asked quietly. 

“What?” 

“Find the silver lining in everything? One bad breakup had me showin’ my entire ass for years and you… you’ve seen the worst people have to offer. How do you even trust people after all this?” 

Raven smiled and shifted so she could straddle his hips and sit in his lap. “It’s not easy… and some days, it feels like it’s not worth it. But… you remember Monique, that dancer I told you about? Well, my first night at the club was a fuckin’ disaster. I was 18, hella green and hella naive. I made like nothing in tips cause I sucked.” Michael loved how she laughed with her whole body as she reminisced on her memories. “And this drunk asshole tried to  follow me out to my car and tried to get me to go home with him. Monique rolled up like a knight in shining armor and punched him square in the face. She gave me half her tips for the night and the next day, offered to teach me some moves and some fighting moves in case that ever happened again. The point is… For every terrible person I’ve come across that wanted to do me harm, I’ve run into someone who reminded that there’s more good out there than I know… as fuckin’ cliche as that sounds. So I just hold onto that. Just don’t… don’t ever want to be jaded? Let someone have the power to steal the inherent qualities that make me… me? No one should have that much power, you know?”

“One of the many things I love about you,” he whispered, tugging on her arm so she was in his lap. 

Hearing the word love on his lips made her heart flutter every single time. Deep down in her soul she felt it in every way. 

She rested her hands on his chest. “One of the ways? I’m that amazing??” She joked, causing him to shake his head. 

“Yea. You are that amazing. How about we take our drinks upstairs and I can tell you all the ways?” He leaned in and nipped at her earlobe with his teeth causing an ache between her legs to grow. 

“I’d rather you show me.” 

“That’s a given, baby.” 

***

Michael spied behind a bookshelf as Raven interacted with the young students filling the plush seating of the library’s gathering space. His heart wanted to burst as she talked to the students. He knew she only fell into this job as a result of a shitty situation but she was making the best of it. And he could not help but think that perhaps this was truly her calling in addition to writing. The kids seemed to love her and she seemed to love them back, all of their faces in bright smiles. 

And for the first time, he found himself wondering what she would be like as a mom. And what their kids would be like. Michael always wanted kids but he figured it would not be in the cards for him any time soon. However, Raven made him want to think about that, and want to think about a future. And now, he saw those additional grandkids his mom wanted so badly as clear as day.

He counted, the club had almost 50 kids in it. They all looked like they ranged in age from middle school aged to seniors in high school.

“I got something for y’all,” she reached behind her and pulled out a couple of boxes of neatly wrapped gift bags. “It isn’t much but… what’s our last book club meeting before the holidays without a gift??” 

The kids cheered as they all leapt out of their seats. Even he was curious as to what the gift could be. She had not even mentioned it to him. 

He could tell they were personalized in some way as she handed them out one by one, checking each gift tag to make sure each kid got the right gift. She instructed the kids to wait to rip into them. Though it was clear that was a chore for most of them. Once the last kid, who Michael recognized as Jamal who he had met once before, had his in hand, stuffing paper started to fly. 

Each kid pulled out a glittering sliver book embosser, a different book, and a handwritten card from Raven. 

“What is it?” One of the girls in the class asked as she pushed her wide framed glasses up higher on her nose. 

“You know those stickers that go on Oprah’s book club books?” All the kids nodded. “It’s like that but with your names and a bit more fun. It’s like a stamp you can put in the first page of your books. Y’all are all starting your own library collections, should have something that makes them a bit more unique. And the books are ones I think each of you would like. And the card is just a note from me ahead of the new year.” 

“It’s kinda old school but cool. Like something vintage,” another girl offered as she tested out the embosser. 

“Yea it’s like a typewriter or some shit. That’s dope, that’s dope,” Jamal remarked as he tested his out on the book in front of him. 

Michael had to stifle his own laughter so as not to give himself away as Raven facepalmed herself and laughed.

“Like a typewriter. Wow. How old do y’all think I am??” 

“You really want us to answer that?” 

She shook her head immediately. “You know what… Point taken. Well I hope y’all like them and they aren’t too too old-school,” she offered with a smile as the group started to mutter excitedly to themselves as they tested out their new gadgets on their books. 

“It isn’t much but just wanted to do something small to say Merry Christmas.” She glanced at the clock. “Oh I didn’t even see the time. Aight, we gotta wrap up, I’m sure some of your parents’ve been waiting outside for a while.” At their groans, she merely shook her head. “We are well past our hour and y’all aren’t gonna get me in trouble with your parents.” 

She ushered the younger kids and some siblings to the door, each of their parents greeting her and chatting for a few moments before they walked their kids out to their cards or toward the street.

At that point, only a small group of older kids remained. “Alright, you know the drill - text me when you get home and stay in your groups, please.” 

“We ain’t babies.” 

“Yea and we all live like 5 minutes from here,” the girl with glasses remarked.

“I know y’all are basically grown. But humor me please. If one of you got hurt or lost, it’d take literal years off my life. You’re really doing it for my sanity over anything else,” she reasoned.  

Raven got along with the kids so well because she was an adult they could relate to and trust but even she had to put on the hat of responsible adult occasionally, much to their collective chagrin. And that meant ensuring every kid made it the few blocks, bus ride, or into the car to get home. 

“Yes, Ms. T.” All of their disgruntled murmurs filled the library as they headed out the door in small groups depending on where they lived. Thankfully, they were all friends so she knew they’d look out for each other.

“You can come outta hiding now,” she called, seemingly to no one in particular. 

“Busted?” Michael asked as he emerged from the shelves to stare at her, an amused expression painted on her face. 

“Yep… caught a glimpse of you scurrying behind that bookshelf. Better be glad the kids didn’t see you. You’re more than one of their celebrity crushes. They would’ve been all over you for a picture or a story or a reel or whatever they do on social these days.” 

Michael let out a barking laugh. “You sound like an old lady.” 

“I am an old lady… proudly,” she laughed. “And they know it too.” 

“Those were sweet gifts you got them.” 

She smiled. “Thanks. Despite well… everything, Christmas is my favorite time of the year. Everyone’s so caught up in the spirit and giving. It wasn’t much but I hoped it would put a smile on one of two of their faces. Did you hear them call me old school?? Super offensive,” she chuckled. 

“Hella offensive.” 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Language, Mr. Jordan,” she winked at him playfully. 

“You gonna discipline me, Ms. Turner?” He asked, closing the space between them, his breath tickling the skin on her neck as he leaned in to whisper in her ear.

Raven felt her whole body flush with heat. Fuck. For some foolish reason, she had worried the spark between them would fade once they settled into the normalcy and mundaneness of a real relationship. However, it had been the exact opposite. Somehow, everything he did only heightened her emotions and desire for him. She thought it was overwhelming before? Well, now it was all consuming and blinding. 

“Maybe you should take me home and find out?” She whispered. 

“What if I want to find out here?” 

“Then I’d have to remind you that this is a public library… with cameras everywhere.” 

He glanced around. “Come on, I bet you know one spot that ain’t got cameras, baby girl. I vaguely remember you saying you wanted to live out some fantasies. You gonna tell me sex in public ain’t one of them?” 

Her eyes darkened with lust. She knew he knew that he had her. It was most certainly one, one of the more sinful ones she would admit. But it lacked practicality. 

“This isn’t just in public, babe. This is my job,” she reminded him, her resolve growing weaker with every word. And he knew it. 

“That makes it even more fun. Come on, baby. You know you want me to fuck you senseless in one of these shelves, want me to make you beg to come right here.” 

Fucking hate him, she thought to herself. Her panties were soaked.

She grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs to the second floor, to a small far corner that she knew had no cameras in the vicinity. It also was ominously dark as some of the overhead lights had gone out earlier that week. She knew the library was utterly deserted and there was absolutely no chance of them getting caught, but still it made her nervous. But she supposed that was the entire point. 

“Can’t believe we’re doing this…” she mumbled, more to herself than Michael. Not that having sex at work or in public had not been on her list of things to one day do. She did not think it would be this particular job. 

“Relax and enjoy it,” he whispered in her ear before he pushed her forward, forcing her upper body against the cold wooden table in the corner. 

She hissed slightly as the cold material touched her bare arms. She could already tell what this was going to be: quick and dirty… and her favorite: rough. His touch always had a gentleness to it, which she appreciated. However, she loved it when he was rough, when he left a mark to remind her whose exactly she was.

“You gon’ be quiet for me?” 

“Yes.” 

She yelped as a hard smack fell across her ass as he pushed her skirt up to her waist. 

“Yes what?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Good girl. But if that was any indication, don’t think you’re gonna keep quiet so…” 

Before Raven could even react, Michael ripped her panties clean from her body and stuffed them into her mouth as a makeshift gag. The quickness of it, the bite of the material against her skin, and the mere act of being forced to taste herself made her moan. But it worked, the sound was muffled. 

“That’s much better. And don’t let them fall out or I’ll light that ass up, understand?” 

She nodded fervently. Her body shuddered as he wiped a finger over her clit.

“So wet for me.” He sucked her juices off his finger and moaned lightly. “You taste so good, baby girl.”

She wanted to say thank you or beg but she couldn’t, not with her panties muffling her voice. 

She let out a guttural moan as he filled her in one stroke, the angle of the low table allowing him to get deep. One hand pushed her back deeper into the table as she squirmed. His strokes were deep and guttural, each one ending with jolt to her g spot. 

He was not making love to her, he was not gentle. This was pure fucking, fast and furious and uninhibited and she loved it. Everything in her wanted to scream but she could not. But her muffled low moans filled the small space as he settled into a rhythm. 

“You gon’ cum on this dick, you disgusting slut??” 

She could only force her head up enough to nod slightly before falling back against the table. She did not even feel the pain of her thighs banging into the table with every thrust because she was so focused on him. The power of his thighs slamming against hers, the pressure of one had at the base of her neck while the other bit into the meat of her hip. 

Where they were became irrelevant, the nervousness she felt about that fell away as every sense in her body focused on him and only him and the pleasure he so graciously provided her. 

Her eyes screwed shut as waves of pleasure hit her with the force of a train. Usually she had time to warm up and prepare herself but not today. Today, she was merely a vessel for him to get off and she loved every second of it. 

“Fuck… that’s it baby. Cum on this dick.” Michael was in heaven as her pussy clenched around him. He usually could last far longer than this but his body seemed to understand the point of a quickie. And so it did not take long for him to feel himself reaching the peak. 

He groaned and held onto her tightly as he filled her with his cum, part of him wanting to collapse next to her. He leaned over her for a few moments to catch his breath before staggering back from her as he pulled his briefs and pants back up and righted himself. 

Raven propped herself up on her elbows after letting her panties fall from her mouth. She glanced back at him with an incredulous look on her face as if she was still shocked that they just did that. Which made them both burst out into laughter. 

“Well that was… definitely one for the books,” she remarked as she sat up and turned around. She leaned against the table, her panties bunched up in her hand, she gestured toward them. “That was a nice addition, Mr. Jordan. Seems like you punished me more than I did you though.” 

“Eh you can punish me later, how about that?” He kissed her on the forehead before fishing her panties out of her hand and pushing them into his pocket with a wink. “Think I’ll keep those for the rest of the night. You can’t put ‘em back on.”

“Whose there??” An older man’s voice rang out causing both of them to scurry to fully right their clothing.

Raven cleared her throat as Michael helped her adjust her top and she emerged from the bookshelves. 

“I-It’s just me, Mr. Robinson!”

She waved at the elderly black man who was clearly maintenance staff.

“Ms. Turner! Figured it was you. Whatchu doin’ here so late? Book club ended a while ago?” 

Raven smiled and nodded. She grabbed Michael and pulled him out of the shelves. “My boyfriend came to pick me up and got distracted giving him a tour.  This is Michael,” she gestured at the star, the older man’s eyes growing big. “This is Mr. Robinson.” 

“How you doin’ man? I’m a big fan!” He offered, shaking Michael’s hand. “Cynthia called earlier and said some lights up here were out so I just came to fix ‘em before tomorrow.” 

“Thank you, we really appreciate that. Well, it’s all yours. We were just looking at books and joking around, we’ll get out of your way.” She jerked her head toward the door, gesturing for Michael to follow her. However, when she reached the steps, she turned back. “Oh and Mr. Robinson?” 

The man seemed to have a knowing look on his face. “Didn’t see anyone here when I came through, you were just finishin’ up as I was comin’ in.” He winked at her before waving them on their way. 

They made quick work of grabbing Raven’s bag and materials before scurrying out the door, the pair both busting out into laughter as they climbed into Michael’s SUV. 

“That was a close one,” she remarked. “Ok that was fun but definitely no more job sex.”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t enjoy it,” he teased.

She gently shoved him back into his seat as she chuckled. “Shut upppppp. Whew I’m exhausted, can’t wait to knock out.” 

Michael patted his thigh, Raven laying down across the seat so she could sleep. It was a bit of a trek to his house from her neighborhood so Raven closed her eyes and enjoyed the soft music that played as Allen drove them home. 

“Do you miss it?” 

“Hm?” Raven asked, needing further clarification of what he was asking. 

“Do you miss writing? Or does this… the kids fill that void?” 

Raven thought about it for a moment, realizing she had never really let herself think too much about it or miss it that much. “Umm… yea, I try not to… try not to think about it. But I miss it a lot. It was my dream and I love these kids… don’t get me wrong. They are amazing and I have so much fun with them. But it doesn’t fill the void? Just makes the void a bit more bearable.” 

His hand ran through her blow out for a few moments before nodding and allowing silence to fall over them. Soon her gentle snores filled the car as Michael thought long and hard about what she said. He reached into his pocket, careful not to jolt the sleeping woman beneath him and opened his text thread with Alex. 

Michael: hey, need two favors

Alex: Don’t you always? 

Michael: ha ha. Need you to find me a contact at Hatchett & Perkins Publishing house? Like in legal or licensing or somethin

Alex: Let me guess… this favor is not so you can write a memoir? 

Michael: of course not. 

Alex: Give me till tomorrow and I’ll send you a name & email. Favor #2?

Michael: You got any friends that rep authors?

Alex: Yep. 

Michael: Find me one that reps fantasy. Preferably black women if you know them

Alex: Done. 

Michael let his phone fall onto his other thigh before he leaned back and smiled to himself. He was about to give her the Christmas of a lifetime. 

***

Christmas Day

Raven stretched lazily, the smell of cinnamon rolls wafting up to Michael’s bedroom through the cracked bedroom door. She lazily rolled over, surprised to find his spot empty. She groped in the bed for her phone, squinting to read the time. 8 am. 

Too early, she huffed as she threw the covers back over her head. They had been up past midnight partaking in the Jordans’ Christmas Eve traditions. They drank, watched a Christmas movie - this year was Michael’s turn to choose and he chose Jim Carey’s the Grinch much to Raven’s excitement - and opened one present each. 

There was a mountain of them under the tree. She had spent days helping Michael wrap them all. He had intended to have them sent out to be professionally wrapped but Raven put a stop to that nearly immediately. Similar to tree decorating, she thought there was something impersonal about having a professional do it. So she spent an entire Saturday wrapping all of his presents for his family, he hid hers from her much to her chagrin, and she had a ball doing it. His dining table looked like a disaster when she was done but each one looked perfect, his girl using different color wrapping paper for each member of the family. 

Raven had truly improved the whole Christmas holiday for the entire household, reminding him that just because money could buy some conveniences did not mean it should. He also just loved her childlike excitement and joy around the season that seemed endless. She was constantly humming a Christmas song under her breath, her singing voice was not half bad though she did not agree.

She never much cared for Christmas herself. She loved the spirit and energy it brought for others but there was nothing special about it for her. No traditions or joyous memories to hold on to. But Michael went out of his way to help her create some with his family and she loved him dearly for it. 

She had dozed off again when a familiar voice woke her up. 

“Come on sleepyhead. It’s present time,” she heard a singsongy voice call out that made her groan. “Five seconds or I’ll tackle you.” 

“You wouldn’t dare!” She called out, her voice muffled under the thick comforter. 

“Five.” 

“Four.” 

“Three…” 

“Two…” 

Raven let out a shriek as she felt Michael’s heavy body land on her. His fingers attempted to tickle her sides, forcing laughter and her face to emerge from the covers. 

“Fine, fine. I yield! I yield! I yield!” She cried out. 

At her words, he gripped her hips and flipped them over so she was straddling his waist. He grabbed a Santa hat he discarded on the bed and plopped into her head. “Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas,” she leaned down and kissed him on the lips. 

“Get dressed, we’re opening presents at 9.” 

She nodded. “Alrighty. I’ll just start breakfast while y’all do that.” 

“You’re opening presents too.” 

“You gave me mine last night?” And it was gorgeous, a set of diamond earrings that she was honestly afraid to ever wear.

“You thought I only got you one present??” 

She laughed, not understanding. “Well, I only got you one present!”

“That’s fine. Hell, you could just put a bow on yourself and I would be happy. I got everything I could ever need or want. But you have presents under the tree from everyone and everyone has a present from you and us. Get dressed.” 

At her shocked expression, Michael figured that she was not used to getting many, if any gifts. However, he decided to keep the mood light and playful. 

“You surprised? You been naughty this year or somethin’? Expectin’ a lump of coal?” 

She offered him a sly grin. “Oh I’ve been real naughty. But somethin’ tells me that being naughty got me more presents from Santa than being nice would’ve.” 

“You damn right, girl.” 

She let out a cackle and rolled her eyes before sliding out of bed to get dressed. Before she knew it, the entire family was surrounded by an explosion of wrapping paper and stacks of gifts. 

Raven loved all of her gifts from Michael’s family. They gave her a lot of books and gadgets for writers and readers but she loved all of them. She imagined that was all they really knew about her but she appreciated that they put effort and thought into it. 

“Ok, baby girl. Last one from me,” Michael handed her a box with a neat bow around it. The rest of the family had dispersed to get dressed for the day and for brunch, leaving the couple in the living room surrounded by everyone’s presents. 

“Baby…” she let out a playful whine. Most of her gifts had come for Michael and while they were all sweet and thoughtful, she knew they had cost him an arm and a leg. Another first edition book, a gorgeous Chloe tote bag for her to take to work, and more jewelry than she knew what to do with. It made her gift feel measly in comparison but she had done her best. “You already got me so much. Don’t need anything else.” 

He shook his head. “Well, this is the gift that matters.” 

She paused. “Well I have yours upstairs… I just wanted to give it to you when we were alone. Wanna go up there and exchange?” 

He nodded, both of them heading up to his room with bright grins on their faces. She sat her gift down on the bed while she went into her stuff and pulled out a small book. 

She held it close to her chest, taking a deep breath. “It’s not much… I d-didn’t know what to get a man who has well… everything a person could want. But I thought, well, maybe you’d like this. O-or at least you’d give me an A for effort,” she chuckled. “But if you hate it, I totally understand. You don’t gotta pretend if you don’t like it.” 

Michael raised an eyebrow and laughed, closing the space between them. “Why don’t you let me see it before you decide that I don’t like it? Whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll love it.” 

She nodded and held out the small book to him. It looked like a professionally printed book, with a beautiful but simple black and gold cover. 

The title read: The Fall by Raven Turner 

Michael opened the first page, which read: 

It’s not much but you were the first person in a long time to make me want to pick up my figurative pen again. And this was the result: a story dedicated to every moment of the greatest fall of my life. I love you. 

Raven

“You wrote me a book?” He asked quietly as he examined it in his hands. 

She nodded. “Y-You like it?” 

He rushed forward and pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply.  “I more than like it. This is the best gift anyone’s ever gotten me!” 

He peppered her face with kisses that made her giggle. “You sure? My other option was like a watch or something…”

He laughed. “Total waste of money. This is more valuable to me than 100 Rolexes. Thank you. I’ll read it tonight.” 

Nothing would have taken the smile off her face. 

“Now it’s your turn,” he urged as he sat his gift on his bedside table. 

Raven sat on his bed as she gently ripped the bow off and opened the box to find an envelope inside. It was odd, Raven could not possibly understand what the gift could be. 

She ripped open the envelope to reveal a plane ticket and hotel reservation to a resort in Thailand. 

“Y-You’re serious?? Thailand??” 

“Wanted to ring in our first New Years together somewhere special.” 

“Babe… this is…” 

“Exactly what you deserve. I have a feeling next year is gonna be your best year yet and I think we should usher it in with some style.” He had more than just a feeling, as long as his real surprise was wrapped up by their trip, it would surely be her best year yet. 

She laughed, wiping her tears away. “This is most certainly style. Thank you. I love it.” 

“I’m glad you do cause we leave tomorrow night.” 

Her mouth dropped open. “W-what?? Babe I gotta get my hair done… a wax, my nails! These aren’t vacation nails…” she glanced down at her beautiful but very Christmas themed nail set.

“You think I’d book you a trip to Thailand and not take care of everything?” His face scrunched up in a faux annoyance that made her chuckle. “You’re in for a day of pampering tomorrow while Jason picks out pieces and has his team pack for you. I plan on having you naked for most of the next two weeks so you ain’t gonna need much clothes.” 

“And work?” 

“You’d be surprised what a handsome face and nice smile will get you,” he remarked with a shrug. 

She stood and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him. “What did I do to deserve you?” 

“You’re you. That’s all it takes.” 

She smiled and kissed him again. She glanced at the bed, lust curling in her belly. 

“How long before your family comes looking for us?” 

She shrieked and laughed as he gently pushed her down on his bed. 

“Long enough for me to make you cum at least twice.” 

***

Raven was thankful their bungalow at this resort was fairly distant from the others as Michael seemed committed to making her scream over and over and over again for the last five days. She had seen very little of the resort aside from when they emerged for dinner. They had a private pool and private access to the beach. 

Michael had not been lying when he said he planned to have her naked for most of the trip. All she could do was laugh when she realized the only panties packed for her had been part of very sexy and elaborate lingerie sets that would not count as clothes for anyone with eyes. When she was not in a bathing suit or an outfit for dinner, she was in lingerie that did not stay on her body for long. 

Michael quite literally ravished her from sun up to sun down on every surface in their suite, in and by the pool, underneath the waterfall shower in their giant bathroom, and in the sand on their private beach. Though, neither of them did that one again due to the uncontrollable and annoying nature of sand. 

But every moment of it was pure bliss. She loved how he switched, often at a moment’s notice, from treating her like a grand prize he won to a convenient hole for him to fuck. It was not uncommon for him, while they were mid conversation about something utterly random by the pool or over lunch, to bend her over the nearest surface and fuck her senseless simply because he felt like it. Their games did not diminish but seemed to amplify the more their relationship blossomed. 

Today, their game was orgasm denial. It was New Year’s Eve and Michael practically ignored her most of the day. After several days of being woken up with his head between her legs bringing her to orgasm, she was almost saddened to be woken up with a mere call for breakfast. 

The only time he touched her was during breakfast, as he - without a single word - slid his favorite vibrating toy into her pussy. She expected him to turn it on and bring her to orgasm right there, but he did no such thing. Instead, he told her of the tour of the nearby islands they were going to go on after breakfast. 

From that moment forward, all of his touches were chaste at best and decidedly frustrating to his girlfriend, much to his satisfaction. He could feel her eyes boring into the side of his face as if willing him to turn on the remote in his pocket as their tour guide jetted them around on a boat ride along the gorgeous blue water. 

It was difficult to ignore her for him too but he loved how eager she was, how the more he pretended he had not put the vibrator in her, the more aware she was of its presence. He watched her intently, how she tried to pay attention to the tour guide as she droned on and on about history, how her body squirmed in her seat with every platonic touch he offered, how her shoulders fell in disappointment every time those platonic touches did not turn into more. 

The boat ride was three hours of pure torture and he knew if he touched her, she would be dripping wet underneath her very revealing bathing suit and cover up. 

As they returned to their resort and stood up to get off the boat, Michael turned the vibrator on its full setting, Raven letting out a groan and her knees buckling beneath her. 

She almost fell completely to the floor of the boat but Michael skillfully caught her and feigned concern for her. 

“You ok, baby?” He glanced back at the tour guide before discreetly cutting the vibrator off. “Think the heat just got to her. Let me get you inside, love.” 

Raven was so consumed with the short-lived but amazing pleasure that all she could do was nod. She wanted to curse at him, scream at him. 

He held onto her tightly, keeping her flush to his side, as if he was helping a sick person until they made it back to their secluded bungalow. And by that time, Raven was fuming. 

“What the fuck, Bakari! In front of that lady as I was getting off the boat?? After you ignored me all morning??” She was not actually angry at him, she was just so fucking horny that she was angry. 

Michael grabbed her by the arm and put his hand around the base of her neck as he held her in a rough grip that made her thighs clench together. 

“If you want to cum at all again before 2023, I’d shut the fuck up. Understand?” he warned, his voice so strong and dominant that her mouth immediately shut.

Fuck. Admittedly, 2023 was only 12 more hours away, at least in Thailand. But she did not think she could wait 12 more hours. She was most certainly not God’s strongest soldier. 

“Y-Yes sir.” 

He grabbed her hand and led her outside to their private pool. “Sit,” he gestured toward one lounge chair that faced the pool. 

She sat down immediately, surprised when he disappeared back into their room, returning with several ropes. 

Fuck, she thought to herself again. Whatever he was about to do, she knew it would be extremely fun for him and a sort of delicious torturous fun for her. 

“Lay back.” 

She laid down against the warm fabric of the chair. He adjusted it so she was leaning back. He grabbed both of her hands and raised them above her head, tying them to the top of the lounge chair. Instinctively, she tried to move them but his knots were tight.

Then she watched as he did the same with each ankle, tying them to either side of the lounge chair so her legs were spread open. 

And then much to her surprise, he shed his clothes and slid in the pool. Her eyes filled with pure lust as she took in the droplets of water cascading down his perfect chiseled chest. She’d never get used to him. 

“Seems like you keep forgettin’ whose runnin’ this shit. So maybe this’ll teach you.” 

She did not fully understand what he meant until she felt the vibrator turn on, this time at its lowest setting. Her hips rolled as much as she could with her body restrained. She bit her lip to stop the moans from escaping, part of her not wanting to give him the satisfaction as she knew he was going to drag this out as long as possible. 

“You can try to keep quiet if you want to, baby. Honestly that’ll just make the show more entertaining for me.” 

And a show it was. Raven could only imagine how she looked to him as he leaned against the opposite edge of the pool and controlled her pleasure from afar. He talked, telling her about his upcoming projects for 2023, how he was so excited for his directorial debut of Creed 3. At first, with the toy on its lowest setting, she found it easier to ignore and engage in a conversation with him. 

However, as he steadily increased the intensity, her questions and responses were more broken by moans and groans that she could not hide. 

“How many books are in that series of yours?”

“Supposed to b- SHIT!” She cried out as he increased it to the highest setting. “Fuckkkkk,” she moaned as her hips started humping the air to increase the pleasure as she came close to her first orgasm of the day. However, as soon as she got to the edge, he cut it off, robbing her of it. 

“Michael!” She called out in frustration. 

“10.” 

“10 what??”

“Spankings. 5 for not answering my question and 5 for not addressing me properly.” 

She desperately wanted to roll her eyes. This nigga. 

“Three… the series is three books.” 

“Good girl.” 

The cycle and their conversation continued. Michael asked her more random questions about writing and her writing process and expected full answers as he brought her to the edge of an orgasm but took them away five more times. He gave her ample time to calm down in between each one but each time made the climb more intense and made the lack of an orgasm more painful.

And all the while, he sat unmoving like a statue across from her, watching as she moaned, begged, pleaded, and writhed around against her restraints. 

“You wanna cum, don’t you, baby?” He asked, moving for the first time to wade over to her. 

She was in tears as she nodded. “P-Please, d-daddy. I n-need to cum. I c-can’t take… much more. Please.” 

He lifted himself out of the water, Raven’s eyes studying how his biceps flexed at the swift motion. 

He grabbed her chin to force her to look at him. “You’ll take as much as I tell you. Besides, do you deserve pleasure before you’ve been punished?” 

She groaned. She hated him so much but she loved him so much that she would indeed take as much as he told her to. 

“N-no, no I don’t.” 

“That’s right. Only good girls get to orgasm. Are you gonna take your punishment like a good girl?” 

She nodded desperately. “Y-yes, I promise.” 

With that, he untied her and helped her up. He made her crawl behind him to their bedroom. He helped her onto the bed. 

“You know what to do.” 

Indeed, she did. Raven quickly discarded her bathing suit and climbed onto the bed and assumed his favorite position for both pleasure and punishment. Her face pressed against their comforter as she placed the deepest arch she could in her back. 

“Good girl, you want my hand or the belt?” 

That was an easy choice in her mind but she appreciated him letting her choose. “Your hand, please,” she asked innocently.

She knew it was both of their preference. Something about feeling the extent of his strength with every lash, seeing the red marks on her ass in the shape of his palm, made every punishment well worth it. She also knew Michael preferred it too. 

“Count ‘em out or I start over.” 

She groaned. This was the hardest part, focusing on each one enough to remember the number. 

She shrieked as he hit her the first time. She was not gonna be able to sit comfortably for the rest of their vacation. 

“One.” 

By the time she hit 15, she was in tears but she would have begged him not to stop. 

“Ten more, baby. And you’re doing so good…” he grabbed the remote he had discarded next to them and turn it on to its highest setting. “You can cum whenever you want.” 

Raven felt like her whole body was in flames as he rained down the last ten blows while the vibrator did the work of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost against her g-spot. She tried to grab a pillow to bury her face in as her screams reached a fever pitch that she imagined could be heard across their resort but Michael grabbed a fist of her braids and forced her head up. 

“Nah I wanna hear you.” 

She could not even register the last two spankings as she blissfully felt every part of her body, down to the cellular level, become overwhelmed with mind-numbing, life altering pleasure. Her entire body collapsed forward onto the bed, her legs unable to hold her lower body up. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she mumbled as she felt the vibrator turn off and started to come down. 

Michael smiled as he took in her form, he had utterly depleted her as she laid there, her entire body covered in a thin layer of sweat. 

He climbed onto the bed and pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly as she laid there, her brain not fully functioning or cognizant of his presence. 

Raven used the little bit of energy she had to settle into his arms, burying her head into his neck. She appreciated his commitment to aftercare, particularly when their sessions were super intense. Oftentimes, they were just so intense, they rubbed Raven raw emotionally and left her feeling vulnerable. And when they were merely fake dating, she had to often ignore those needs because she was afraid to ask him for more. He always checked in and ran her a bath or gave her a massage, often brought her food to ensure she was ok before he went to his guest room to sleep.  

But now, she could snuggle up against him and feel close to him, feel his love and receive his praise while she recovered. And she had not realized just how much she was missing. 

“You ok?” He asked. “That was intense.” 

“I’m excellent. And still horny but I don’t think my legs work to move,” she moaned. 

“Well, rest. I’ll wake up when it’s time to get ready for dinner.” 

He watched her for a while before he set an alarm and dozed off himself. 

***

“Figured we could go watch the fireworks on the beach. They told me the good ones start around 11:30… so in a bit.” 

Raven smiled as she continued eating. They had slept most of the day away after their session and she was starving. Michael had a private dinner scheduled for them in their suite, which she appreciated. She still got dolled up in a flowery two piece crop top and skirt but it was nice to have dinner in their own space. 

“So my mom asks this every New Years Eve… what do you want out of 2023?”

Raven’s fork paused in mid air as she thought on the question. What did she want out of the new year? She had no idea. 

“Umm… whew, I dunno. I’ve just been counting down the last couple years truth be told. Kinda felt lost and all over the place without my career? Didn’t really think I had much to look forward to? But…” 

“But…” 

“But now I feel like I don’t want everything to just pass me by? Like even if I’m not free to do what I love just yet, I wanna feel… happy? I wanna feel good and enjoy life.” She shrugged. “It’s kinda stupid.” 

He held his hand out for her to take it and squeezed, his thumb rubbing her hand. “That’s far from stupid. I have a surprise for you.” 

He took a deep breath and reached under the table to grab a box. 

She smiled and shook her head. “This trip wasn’t a surprise enough??” 

“Nah. And this is really just a late Christmas gift. Legal shit delayed it a couple days… but it seems fitting. Here’s to a 2023 of happiness and freedom.” 

He held the box out to her, it exactly resembled the one he had given her with their surprise trip to Thailand inside only this one had a large stack of paperwork in it. 

“What’s this??” She pulled the heavy stack, her eyes growing wide as she thumbed through them, skimming them quickly. “I-Is this what I think it is?” 

“If you think it’s the rights to your book, which are now yours to do with whatever you want, then yes. If you were thinkin’ it was somethin’ else…” 

Her mouth dropped open. Her breath came out more as a strangled sob than anything else as she continued reading. 

“This is…” she laughed nervously. “This is a joke right? Y-you didn’t… I know this had to have cost like… someone’s yearly salary money.” She stood and shook her head. “Y-You have to let me pay you back for that. It’ll take me like a fuckin’ decade,” she admitted. “But you can’t…” 

Michael gestured for him to come to her. He kept her flush to his lap as her entire body trembled from the pure shock. He had expected this reaction and was prepared. But he had not done what he did and paid what he did lightly. It was worth every single frustrating conversation and dollar spent.

“Yes I can… and I did. Getting rid of the last piece of dead weight you were dragging around was worth every dime. You deserve to tell your stories and they took that from you. So I took it back and am giving it to you. One signature,” he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pen and held it to her. “And they are all yours.” 

A tear fell on the papers before Raven tossed them down to the ground and threw herself into Michael’s arms as she sobbed into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tightly as he held her.

“I love you… so much.” She whispered through her sobs. “T-this is the greatest thing anyone’s ever done for m-me.” 

His palm wiped away the tears streaming down her face as he kissed her. 

“It’s nothing.” 

She shook her head. “No, it’s literally everything… I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, shaking her head. 

“Yea you do. And all the other good things in this world. I’ll spend every day making sure you know it.”

They finished their dessert with Raven still on his lap, the young woman too shocked to really speak or offer much to the conversation. She could not believe it, could not believe him. She knew it would still be a long road to self-publish and figure all of that out but now? Now she had options, she could figure it out without waiting for the timer to hit zero. 

And he had done that for her. 

“Come on, fireworks are about to start.” 

Raven nodded and smiled. “Give me 5 minutes? Gonna put these somewhere safe,” she grabbed the scattered papers off the floor. “And fix my makeup. Can’t have you kissing me at midnight with eyeliner running down my face. That’d be a tragic start to the year.” 

“I’ll be by the pool. Don’t take too long.”

He watched her walk away and smiled before walking outside to the balcony. The fireworks were already in full swing and he could hear music and laughter from the main beach of the resort. 

It was the perfect end to a perfect night. Well, almost. A buzzing in his pocket redirected his attention. Tasha’s name scrolled across his phone. 

“This girl,” he mumbled. He knew her well enough to know if he did not answer she would simply call back. 

Michael glanced over his shoulder and sighed as he swiped across his phone. 

“Hey,” he offered coldly. The truth was he had forgotten everything about Tasha, had not thought about her once since her name graced his screen on Raven’s birthday. 

He did not hate her or offer her ill will, he just had no interest in seeing or speaking to her again. 

“Hey baby. Happy New Year.” 

“Happy New Year.” Michael’s tone was short and clipped, praying he could get her off the phone before Raven came back from the bathroom to find him. 

“Wanted to see if the New Year was gonna bring my favorite customer back to me?” 

“Look Tash…”

“It’s been a few months, Mike. You promised.”

Michael rolled his eyes. He had let her get far too comfortable, so comfortable that she thought he’d always be there. Which seemed like a base level foolish assumption given her line of work. But either way, he had moved on. Raven was his present and his future. He had no interest in anyone else. But this was the weight he was dragging around behind him, he quickly realized. And every day that he did not tell Tasha that truth and let her believe there was something there for them, was a disservice to her, Raven, and himself. 

“I know what I said but shit changed. I love her, Tash.” 

A wave of anger hit him as he heard the woman scoff, which was filled with disbelief. 

“Her?? You love her??” 

“Yes, her. I love her and even though it started off as somethin’ not real, it’s real to us both now and she’s everything I want.” He sighed. “Look, you are a great girl, I enjoyed our time together but I can’t see you anymore. Ever.” 

“You serious right now??” He could feel her rage through the phone but that did not deter him. Raven was everything for him and nothing Tasha could say would change that. 

“Dead serious. I know this ain’t what you wanted to hear but it’s over between us. I’m sorry.” 

She was seething. “Fuck you, Michael! You can’t just drop me outta fuckin’ no where! What am I supposed to fuckin’ do??” 

He bowed his head. Her reaction was not out of the realm of possibility, he just had not considered it at all, had not considered that he would have to “break up” with her officially. But he did not regret nor was he phased by her anger. That part of his life - whoring and using any and every woman who would let him - was over and in the past. 

“Find another client to replace me. I can’t be the first client to move on.” 

There was a long pause. “Nah you ain’t the first. But you’re the first to fall in love with a fuckin’ hooker and try to pass it off as a real relationship. Imagine the money TMZ would give me for that story.” 

Michael’s mouth dropped open. “You’re kidding right?” 

“I ain’t’ fuckin’ laughin. You can leave me for that country ass fake bumpkin, you can put her in designer clothes and call her your girlfriend but unfortunately for you, I know what she really is. A whore. And while you might think you can wave a wand and make her a housewife, everyone else? They’ll fuckin’ tear her apart. You really want that?” 

Michael couldn’t believe this shit. In all his years of being famous and having money, he had never had someone try to blackmail him. Michael clenched his eyes shut. “How much?” 

“There we go. Glad we could come to an agreement. $10k for now. I expect it as soon as you get back to LA. And then we can figure out an arrangement that works for both of us. Happy New Year, baby.” 

And with that, the phone went dead. Michael clenched it in his hand in frustration as he turned and shook his head. He quickly deleted the call from his call log to ensure Raven did not accidentally see it and sent Alex a text. 

Mike: We have a BIG problem

“Wow, those are gorgeous!” 

Michael slid his phone in his pocket as Raven emerged and stood next to him, her make up pristine and her body now clad in a very sexy ocean blue lingerie set. Michael forced a smile onto his face as he grabbed her ass and squeezed. 

“Not as gorgeous as you.” 

“We got five minutes till midnight and then I figured we could create some fireworks of our own?” 

“I like the sound of that…” Michael mused. 

He knew he needed to tell Raven about Tasha but he did not have the heart to do it right then. She was so happy, so happy that her whole body seemed to radiate with it. He refused to let anything diminish or take that feeling away. And he refused to let another selfish person steal her joy and relaxation while they were on vacation. He had a week to figure out a plan and get Tasha out of his life once and for all. And he had every intention of doing so and telling Raven once it was all said and done. She was finally happy and she deserved to stay that way. This was exclusively his mess, he would get himself out of it. 

“Oh you never told me,” Raven said as they sat down and stuck their feet in the water while the fireworks continued to boom loudly around them, painting the sky in bright colors. 

“What?” 

“What you want out of 2023?” 

Michael glanced down at her and the bright smile on her face. “I think I got everything I want for 2023. I got you, about to finish the biggest run of my career. I guess I just… want to make sure I don’t lose it all?”

She gently shoved him with her shoulder and chuckled. “Well, you aren’t gonna lose me.” 

“That a promise?” 

“Yes it is.” 

Off in the distance, they could hear the faint countdown from the giant crowd at the beach. 

Five… four… three… two…

“Happy New Year, Rae.” 

“Happy New Year, baby.” 

They shared a deep kiss under the fireworks before Michael swooped her up into his arms and carried her to bed, their room becoming a fireworks show for two. 

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r

***

A/N: the babies are in relationship blisssssss. And how perfect is Michael? Getting her book back for her. Also I tried to do some research on how all that works and it is really confusing so any real authors reading - don't hate me if I got it wrong LOL it's fiction! Well, as we all knew it would, Tasha has come back to claim her man again... what do we think? Should he have told Raven? Or should he wait till they get home? Or should he just deal with Tasha on his own? Anndddd this is the last update for this story for like a month - so so sorry to leave it like that LOL love yall though! Hope you enjoyed it!

[stellarfire]

good morning y’all !! now that i’ve had time to sleep on the crossover… oh my god ?? and i mean that in the best way possible. this was everything to me omg

although there were some things i lowkey wish we could’ve seen (i.e., more kelly and voight tension, potential my miracle parallel with stellaride), not getting them honestly didn’t take away at all from how much i loved this? more thoughts below the cut bc i got very rambly (and spoilers i guess ??)

starting with stellaride bc they’re my lovelies, obsessed with literally all their scenes. the intro? perfection. stella telling kelly to be careful without knowing she would be the one in the most danger the whole time? o w. “stella kidd, report back right now”? O W. and the more i think about it, the more i’m almost kinda glad we didn’t get the my miracle parallel? i mean sure, the absolute emotional gut punch would’ve done wonders, but there’s something that feels so much more intrinsically them about refusing to say goodbye to each other (namely stella refusing) and instead maintaining that fierce hope that everything would sort itself out and they’d be back together. on top of that, their little reunion with kelly being like “let’s get out of here tonight” like YES please go on that goddamn vacation now you two deserve to go to cancún something awful. what we did get may not be as heavy of a punch, per se, but at least to me, it hit all the same, and my god was i a lowkey mess hearing kelly’s message to stella being what she told him that morning😭 “we gotta make the time” what if i collapse huh then what

i think this has the potential, judging by the promo as well as this article, to be such a good segue into them finally getting into the real deep conversations and i’m really curious to see how it plays out over the rest of the season. i know some people think there could be a “but…” to this, but even if there is, i don’t think it will be as major of one people might worry it could be. that said, will it be an easy path? definitely not. i know we’re about to get some semblance of drama before the end of the season (and i’m prepared)😭 but all things considered, we’re heading in the overall right direction !!

secondly, plouch. oh my god plouch. i haven’t gotten more emotional watching this show in so long than i did last night watching those two. mouch talking to trudy before she went under for surgery? nobody touch me i’m STILL recovering from that one😭 christian stolte the actor that you are WOW, he put 200% into that and it SHOWS

thank GOD tho she lived holy SHIT i was fucking petrified ripley and lenox were gonna come out and say she didn’t make it omg

just as i predicted too, burzek gave me emotional damage !! ruzek refusing to say goodbye and being insistent he would be home for dinner ?? letting mak pick it ?? the way kim literally BOOKED IT to him at the end and he picked her up ?? i can’t stop watching that it’s so so perfect😭

stella and ruzek was such an incredible duo too, i need more of them asap actually. the way they balanced each other out and relied on each other and just worked so seamlessly as a team by the end of it, despite not being super familiar with each other? SO GOOD

what stella did to duffy when he had her at gunpoint??? first off i’m stunned that happened i wasn’t expecting that shit literally at all and god was i living in fear for a few moments there. but secondly, i’m floored omg, STELLA KIDD THE WOMAN YOU ARE. we all knew how badass she was before this, but that was something else. i think i just fell in love with her all over again but i digress

also one last thing, pascal’s reaction to stella not answering ?? i could go on and on about kelly’s obviously but pascal’s honestly caught me by surprise considering how frequently they’ve butt heads this entire season. the genuine concern ?? OUCH. there’s hope for them yet !! seeing that side of him, even if brief, was a good emotional punch. that mf truly does fascinate me as a character. will be thinking about that entire sequence for a while

i won’t keep yapping; i think all of that about sums up what i can manage cohesively LMAO. was this crossover perfect? no, but you truly can see just how much love and care and effort went into this entire thing from everyone involved. and i think as much as i do love the infection crossover, i gotta say, i think this one takes it as number one for me. i will be watching all three episodes so many more times

one chicago my beloved <3

[butchhamlet]

are there any shakespeare retellings you recommend? i really enjoy retellings but it's also difficult to find ones that like. actually understand the source material... i've read your novella duodecimal and really liked it btw! excellent take on twelfth night :-)

THANK YOU SO MUCH WAH... yes, i can recommend some retellings! i keep intending to make a big post with my recs, actually, but there are so many out there that i haven't read yet... so for now here's an incomplete list:

a thousand acres by jane smiley: the first one that came to my mind seeing this ask. it's a retelling of lear set on an american farmstead, and the adaptation is done beautifully and smoothly--it's just distinct enough from OG Lear that you can judge it as a book on its own but also as a lear retelling. and it's sooooo good. it starts a little slow, but the character work is so excellent and it almost made me cry (i will note that there's a pretty hefty cw on this one but... saying what it is is technically spoilers? but feel free to send another ask or message if you want to know up-front)

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake: books that made me have to turn my camera off in zoom class so i could bawl properly. books written for me specifically. this is a loose YA retelling of twelfth night (looser than some of the other retellings on this list) and it's like. perfect. the teenage dialogue actually sounds like teenagers. every emotional beat clubbed me over the head. the love triangle is present--and done really well; it's not present for drama but because sometimes being a teenager is confusing--but more than that this is a book about the relationship between violet and her sibling, and about mental health, and god it makes me CRAZY. also girls kiss in this one

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard: i mean. i think most people into shakespeare know r&gad. but in case you haven't read it yet, it's an absurdist play from the point of view of rosencrantz and guildenstern and it's absolutely fucking brilliant. not sure what else to say about this; you've really just gotta read it

teenage dick by mike lew: another play, this one on the modern side--a retelling of richard iii set in a high school, focusing explicitly on disability issues. kind of more a reimagining than a retelling, honestly, but i really like the exploration of r3's themes and also it's fucking hysterical. although i will say there's a kind of jarring tonal shift in this one near the end, so don't go to it for something 100% comedic

american moor by keith hamilton cobb: okay this isn't exactly a retelling but if you've ever read othello you have to read it. you just have to. please god if you've ever read a shakespeare PLEASE. it's a monologue from the perspective of a black man trying out for the role of othello, half-resigned to being pigeonholed into playing that specific role in a very specific way as directed by a white director, but also half-chafing against that resignation, and also exploring the complexities of loving shakespeare as a black man, and it's soooooo so good

exit, pursued by a bear by e.k. johnston: this one is kind of cheating because it's not really a retelling, in that it has next to nothing to do with the winter's tale except that there is a hermione character and a leontes character and a paulina character. i still think it's a very very well-done YA book, though, and one of the only ones i've read that deals head-on with abortion

foul is fair by hannah capin: okay, i will admit i read this one some years ago when i was more into YA, so i'm not sure i would still go crazy over it now, but the plot of this book is that the modern lady macbeth character gets assaulted by a guy at a party and decides to kill everyone who let that happen. and then she does. and idk i read it in two days it felt like being on crack

the wednesday wars by gary schmidt: this one is DEFINITELY cheating, because this isn't a retelling of anything. but if you like shakespeare and you're open to reading historical fiction about a kid in the 60s using shakespeare as a lens through which to understand the chaos of his life (from the vietnam war to his school crush)... it's so good. it made me nearly sob. beautiful book

i'm also a fan of ryan north's shakespeare choose-your-own-adventure books, but those aren't exactly retellings and also the humor will probably not work for everyone. but i like em <3

and finally, i would be remiss not to shout out the fact that @suits-of-woe wrote an INCREDIBLE retelling of the two gentlemen of verona that, like, redeemed the fact that that play exists. if you've read that play and you thought, "wow, i wish this were explicitly homoerotic, or not a rape apologia, or good in any way," you will LOVE macy's book. unfortunately it isn't fucking published yet but WITH YOUR HELP--

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Millie Bright x Reader

Part Two: Lover’s Auction

Millie’s perspective:

Sam grabbed my arm holding it out straight to display the phone number that was still visible on my skin, I’d scrubbed at it in the shower this morning which made it fade a little but was still clearly readable. I knew training would be a show and tell this morning so tried to cover it with a long sleeve under top, but in a blind haze after a rigorous training session I mindlessly pulled up the sleeves. “What’s this then Mills, you cheating on me?” the Aussie joked as I tried to pull the top back down to cover the writing, of course my friend wouldn’t let me as she continued with her probing questions. “I knew you were hiding something, you never wear long sleeves!” her voice became loud and squeaky in excitement, the way that it does when she’s making fun of me. “It’s just a phone number!” the enquiry made the smirk on my face hard to hide as it’s been years since my last relationship, I was kinda hopeful that this might lead to something good. “Is this what that dorky smile on your face has been about all day?” Sam poked my ribs as the commotion drew Erin nearer to the drama that followed us around everywhere. “Is it a giiiirlll?” Sam continued to tease until I broke my cover. “Maybeee” I couldn’t contain my smile at admitting it as I felt my cheeks grow a warmer shade of red. “Well, you gotta tell us all about it, weren’t you at that function last night?” they linked their arms together as they skipped back into the changing room, dragging me along with them. I didn’t have a choice but tell them all about the girl I had met last night at some random charity event I didn’t even want to go to - not if I wanted to get out of here alive anyway! They couldn’t believe she hates Chelsea and didn’t have a clue who I was! I said that maybe that’s for the best, since the World Cup it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t know who I am and it could be refreshing to not be on edge about ulterior motives. A lot of people I meet only want me for my money or to get into places for free, there tends to be people out there that think I earn a lot more money than I actually do, I’m able to live comfortably but still have to watch the pennies and save for the things I really want. Packing up my gear to leave my phone lit up with a message, “is that her?!” Erin pulled my arm in her direction as they peered over to look for a photo that wasn’t there, I explained they would have to wait and see what happens before I expose the identity behind the phone number. My friends made their annoyance known through loud groans as I left to go home, “bye sweeties!” I waved sarcastically leaving them in the lurch.

Your perspective:

The sun rise shining through your bedroom window made your eyelashes flutter open, shielding the sun from your eyes you squinted at the clock to see it was barely 8am. Mascara stained your hands as you rubbed your eyes, annoyed that you’d forgotten to do your skin care routine when your got home last night. Tapping your phone to light up the notifications you noticed a text from an unfamiliar number, “hello pretty girl, hope your head isn’t too sore!” You guessed it was from Millie but pulled the shirt she’d written her number on from under the bed to double check before replying which lead into texting all morning. Opening Google to search the footballer you noticed she was telling the truth - she is a defender for England and Chelsea! Looking at a few photos you had an epiphany and realised last night wasn’t the first time you had seen Millie. Wrapped in your duvet you shuffled to the sofa and re-downloaded episodes of Eastenders that you’d deleted from the Sky box, spotting the familiar blonde a few weeks ago on The One Show. Sending her a picture of the TV screen you laughed to yourself.

Y: knew that wasn’t the first time I’ve seen you! 🤭

M: you didn’t recognise me? 😂

Y: well no, my recording of Eastenders caught the last few minutes of it… I fast forwarded 🙈

M: Charming! 😳

Y: Next time you’re on TV, I’ll record it. Happy? 😇

M: Why don’t you come watch instead, I’ve got a game tomorrow?

Y: Oh.. idk, I haven’t watched football for two decades 😕

M: That’s okay, you record it then, you don’t have to watch 😘

Y: I’ll think about it 😉

Millie said she was off to training but would like to see you again, inviting you on a date tonight and saying she’ll pick you up on her way home. The next time you heard from her was when she called you walking out of the training ground. You’d barely said two words to each other before being interrupted by some of her teammates, “is that her!”, “let’s say hi!” you heard from down the phone. Millie groaned “bugger off guys! Stop embarrassing me!” she yelled making you pull the phone away from your ear as she argued with them, reluctantly telling you that they wanted to say hi and held the phone out towards them against her will. One grabbed her arm to pull the phone up to her mouth as the other tapped the speaker button. “Hi Millie’s girlfriend!” an Aussie accent called as you heard the phone be pulled away by another person. Millie could be heard in the background loudly contesting what was happening, “what’s your name, Millie won’t tell us!” a Scottish accent asked, you laughed and told them as they screeched with glee, there was a lot going on even if you couldn’t see them – the noises coming through the phone sounded like they were being attacked; the rummaging and fumbling of the phone between different hands, the laughs of the two girls and Millie getting more and more irate before hearing heavy footsteps run away. “Errgh, sorry they’re a nightmare!” she groaned then told you that was her best friends at the club Sam and Erin, usually Guro is around too but she’s injured and not at training today. “I haven’t told them you’re my girlfriend don’t panic, they just saw your number on my arm” she insisted as she threw her bags into the boot of the car and you heard the door slam shut. “Okay, I’m safe now. I’ll come pick you up.”

Waiting outside your house as she arrived you clambered into her car, “hey girlfriend” you joked as Millie’s cheeks turned bright red. “How’s the hangover?” she asked, shifting into first gear and pulling away. “Better for seeing you, where we going?” The blonde asked whether you had to be home by a certain time, you didn’t have work the next day so you were free to spend as long as you wanted with her and as long as she wanted you! It was mid afternoon and she was being very secretive about where she was taking you, knowing it wasn’t going to be a quick date when she joined the motorway heading towards Essex, you know the journey well but didn’t let on that you had an idea of where she was taking you. The longer you drove the more you were certain about where she was going, looking out of the window you saw how the scenery had changed since you were a little girl, the last time you drove this route was with dad in 2003. It’s like you remember every bump in the road, counting the bridges until you got to your destination, your mind fell back into that routine of counting the bridges until you reached the coast. Millie must have realised you had spaced out, placing a comforting hand on your thigh when you pulled into the seaside town and asked if you were okay. Smiling and nodding you pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind, you were right with the destination – Southend-on-Sea.

You walked hand in hand along the seafront, rode the train along the pier and shared chips on the beach while watching the sunset. You talked non-stop about yourselves that it felt like you’d know each other for years, not less than 24 hours! After eating your chips you took a wander down the beach towards the sea, kicking off your shoes Millie followed suite as you dipped your toes into the water. When the sky started to turn to pink hues she asked you the question you knew was going to come up sooner or later, “what were you thinking about in the car.. when you went quiet?” You took a deep breath before replying, “I used to play for Southend Girls” you said, plunging the conversation into a long silent pause. “I didn’t know that” Millie responded cautiously, anxiously looking down and playing with her thumb ring. Her response caused you to chuckle lightly, “how the hell could you have known that?” pushing her further into the sea so the cuffs of her rolled up jeans got a little wet. “Hey!” she shouted trying to drag you in with her but you were quick and slipped your arm from her grip, running back up the beach as she chased you. Seeing the lights of the arcades still glowing you kept running, stopping at a bench by the road before going any further to swipe the sand from your feet and replace your shoes as you waited for your date to join you. “You’re quick!” she puffed, breathless from the unexpected sprint. You asked her favourite game in the arcades as you took her hand and lead her to the cash machine, pulling your purse out to feed a £50 note into the machine so it spat out £1s in return. Splitting the money between two pots you handed hers over, “did you just put a fifty in there?!” seemingly astonished at the amount you were willing to waste on 2p machines! “It’d cost about that in petrol” you shrugged, seeing it as a fair swap, she drove and you pay for the plastic tat you’re about to win together! Millie darted straight to the basketball machine and you set yourself up at a 2p machine nearby so you could watch her top rise above her hips to show a little skin when she took her shots. It felt like she spent forever on that machine, glancing over to you every now and again between games as the tickets piled up at her feet. You floated between machines, collecting your prizes and tickets until you felt her arms wrap around you and her chin balance on the crown of your head. “Are you winning?” she asked, peering into your prize pot that was almost full, “there’s more in here!” you laughed, opening your bag to show off all your useless prizes. You had so much fun in the arcades but before you left you had to have a battle on the dance machine and swap your tickets for sweets to share on the journey home, you didn’t want the date to end!

Stumbling out of the arcade in fits of laughter and a handbag full of prizes the sky had turned dark, you wondered if Millie would suggest going home but she didn’t, instead spotting a pub close by that seemed lively and went to have a closer look, “there’s a band playing in there!” she chimed excitedly. It was The Chinneries, one of your old haunts as a teenager, you’d jump on the train and meet your friends to go and watch different bands nearly every month. As Millie spoke to the bouncer, you skimmed the posters on the wall and noticed that playing tonight is one of your old favourite bands. “Are there any tickets left?” you called over as Millie nodded in response, “can we go in?” she nodded again, reaching out her hand for you to run over and take. Shuffling into the small bar you stood near the back, you’d entered around the half way mark of their set and shuffled around the people to be able to order a drink. Millie was much taller than you and could easily see over people’s heads but made sure she found a space that you could enjoy the show from too. Right after you got comfortable they started to play one of your favourite songs, screaming in excitement you immediately started bouncing up and down singing the words at the top of your lungs. Millie had never heard of them before but she enjoyed watching you be happy, posting a short video of the back of you to her Instagram story with “she’s cute” written over the top. You couldn’t be identified by the video as it was just the back of you singing with your arm in the air but it made you happy when you spotted it on her insta later that night.

“I think this has been the best first date I’ve ever had Mills!” you gushed walking out of the pub, it was getting late and you really should be heading home soon. “Ohhhh, pet names already!” her voice squeaky and high pitch as she shoved herself into your side jokingly. Your hand slipped easily into hers when she draped her arm over your shoulder, crossing your arm over your chest to keep hold of her hand. “I agree.. (y/n/n)” teasingly using your nickname too. You asked who she was playing tomorrow and what time when you were driving home, you were astonished that you still found stuff to talk about! Her hand was on your thigh the entire drive and when you pulled up in front of your house the anticipation of whether you were going to kiss or not was overwhelming. You desperately wanted to but didn’t want to rush things, the date had been perfect and all the signs were there that Millie really liked you but you wouldn’t know for certain until.. “can I kiss you?” her soft words interrupted your overthinking.

The engine was purring as she unclipped your seatbelt, nodding your head gently as hers came closer, stroking your fringe behind your ear her hand lingered to cup your cheek as your lips touched in the softest entanglement. You could feel the goosebumps raise on your arms as your eyelashes fluttered against her skin, her nose grazing yours as the kiss sealed off a perfect day. “I’d love to see you again” she whispered, her forehead pressed softly against yours. Her blue eyes gazing deeply into your soul, willing you to answer her. “Me too, I’ll take you out next time” leaning forward to peck her lips one last time before leaving. Entering the home you share with your dad he was already at the front door waiting to hear all about your date. You’re still not convinced that he didn’t set this up on purpose but you’re thankful that the events at the auction had lead to a dark time in your life actually bringing you joy.

Part Three

[cat-mermaid]

this manga has become such a cluster fuck

it had such a strong start and premise, but its shackled by the fact that it can't take the story out of the mansion. It keeps introducing new characters (remember the circus girl who turns out is like 30 and figured out the brainwashing thing right away and basically groomed her shadow to be subservient to her? And she knew Emilyko? Remember how nothing she's been to the story at all since her introduction?)

all thats been happening for the last 15 chapters is just more of the story spinning its wheels and dumping more and more names and faces at us that ultimately don't matter

the problem with the whole set up of Shadow House is that once they confront grandpa, the story is over, duh, and we can't have that while readership is still high. We gotta pad this out for all its worth. And i've written before that unlike other manga that will have fun side storys and beach arcs or what have you, Shadow House can't do things like that because of how inflexible the protagonist's situation is

everything has to revolve around figuring out how to over throw the adult shadows (and also now bitch boy Christopher/Anthony) while remaining in the mansion. And the deal with these manga is that they will throw as many spanners into the gears as it takes to slooooow the story down from reaching a conclusion, even if it means pulling a metroid/god of war and throwing the characters into super hell so that they lose all their "progress" and have to start from the very beginning again

its just starting to wear on me now becuase there are so many fucking people to keep track of, a very solvable "problem" roadblock in the form of Anothony (just killlllll him jesus chriiiiiist, u can make it look like an accident!) and now they're finally getting around to actually going after grandpa but i can't get exited for it anymore because of how bad the last few months of chapters have been

I really really want unique manga to do well and get popular, its rarer and rarer for somthing thats not "highschoolers in highschool" to dominate the seasonal anime releases

example? Paru Itagaki, who wrote Beastars? One of the most unique and engaging manga i've read in years? Guess what she's doing now?

Its called Sanda, its about this highschool kid in the future who can turn into Santa Claus. On paper, there is so much interesting stuff in here, commentary about japan's hyper obsession with youth, its birth rate issue and so on

But the thing is, this story feels like Paru got pressured by her higher ups to make something more "like whats popular" and more highschool focused. And the other thing? (And yeah its somthing she's super guilty of with Beastars too) she has no story planned at all, none

like it literally feels like she was told "write a highschool kid story" and she went with the idea a kid who can turn into santa and back again and had no grand narrative in mind

because of this manga is just.... really unfocused and really, really boring

and oh my god for a story about santa, there is almost no christmas stuff in it. u could edit it right now and change it to say "i turn into an old man when i wear red!" and very little would impacted

wats even worse? Theres a waaaaay better santa christmas manga out there right now

its still updating, and its really really fun! I'm only up to chapter 17 but i'm way more invested in this than the highschoolers in sad japan future and their baby drama

oh BOY did i get off topic!

TED TALK OVER

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-��

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

���I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[steddiexbyler]

The mixed school-Chapter 7

Ace-Human

So I had gotten to know my roommates, but now, it was time to get to know my school and classmates. 

 The morning sun streamed through the window, making my bed warm, as it was almost right under it. I felt something small shift on my pillow, then I remembered. Last night, I had offered for Leo to sleep with me, because that windowsill could not have been comfy. I did it because I had felt guilty, because the school didn’t set up any beds for him. 

 Now my family was extremely Anti-Giant and Anti-Borrower, but they’ve never really told me horror stories about Borrowers, just Giants, so I didn’t really have a reason to hate him. I had also grown out of those stories that my uncle had told me, but it had really affected me. You don’t just traumatize a kid and expect them to be fine when they grow up.

 My attention drifted to the closet, where Felix had exited from. He was wearing a suit, and I was able to peek at the clothes hanging up. It was mostly that same suit, duplicated.

 “You gotta get a better style man,” I muttered, hopping off from my bed to cross the giant room to get to the closet so I could change next. 

 Leo had slept in his clothes so he didn’t have to change or unpack this morning, which I gotta say, is honestly smart. 

 I quickly slipped into an outfit that I had been dying to try, a dark band tee with ripped black jeans. 

 My parents always told me to dress modestly, but I had taken a liking to the grunge style. Now that they weren’t here, I could wear whatever I wanted to. I’d only kept the clothes they sent with me for the summer, since they’d probably want to see me in them. 

  I stepped out of the closet, entering the large space before me. 

 Felix looked me up and down, which I gotta say, made me a little nervous. He just hummed and spoke in that British accent of his; “You should try eyeliner with that.”

                                 -                                            -

First class of the day, Math. I already knew this was going to be my least favorite class, because they had combined another forty-five minutes for homeroom. Great, just great. 

 I almost didn’t catch the teacher’s name, but thank the Lord for whiteboards. Teachers can’t live without them.

 Leg bouncing, I looked up and read the name written in neat handwriting on the board. (Why do almost all teachers have the same handwriting?) Mrs. Schmidt. Cool, I guess. Her room had a summer camp theme to it.

 “Alrighty campers!” She chirped, doing the worst impression of Chris Mclean from a kids show called Total Drama Island that was created at least three centuries before I was born. 2007, I think. 

 Don’t ask me how I know this. 

We were handed ‘Get to know me’ worksheets to fill out for the teacher, a practice review on what we should have learned last year, and then finally, Homeroom came. 

 Apparently you have to log into your school computers and go to their little website thingy, and do work that the school assigns you. For forty-five minutes. 

 I cursed out my parents in my head for sending me here.

Oh, and also, this school is supposed to be mixed, and now I see what they mean. I don’t know how I ignored everyone for the first period, but now that it was silent…God.  I forgot to say, Mrs. Schmidt is a Giant. There are other Giant students here, and even Borrowers. 

 I honestly felt trapped, and my breathing started to quicken. Damn anxiety. Damn Uncle for telling me those stories about Giant’s as a kid, leaving me scarred. Screw you. 

 My eyes darted around frantically, looking for Mrs. Schmidt. She wasn’t hard to spot. 

 I scrambled over to her desk, craning my neck to look up at her, fidgeting with my fingers as I tried to keep my voice steady. My heart was pounding. “U-uh, Miss, gotta use the restroom…” She didn’t even glance down. “Sure kid. Go.” 

 I don’t know how fast I dashed out of that enormous room. It seemed larger now that my head was spiraling.

 I located the nearest human restroom, and splashed water onto my face, letting the cool sensation help to calm me down. I took deep, erratic breaths, my hands gripping the side of the sink for support so hard I thought it would break. I had been too caught up in my frenzy that I didn’t notice someone tapping my shoulder. “Hey man, you okay?” The boy asked. I took a moment to study him with wild eyes. He was shorter than me, with blond hair that sat perfectly on top of his round face. “Y-yeah.”  I stammered. “All good. Leave me alone.” I said, maybe too harshly. The boy took a step back and left the bathroom. 

 My first day at classes was going great.

[ladamedusoif]

An Inspecteur Calls

A Visiting Pedrotober One-Shot - Day 20, Merge Mansion

Pairing: Professor!Ben (College AU) x OFC Lydia/fem!Reader (reader POV/2nd POV)

Summary: Lyd is stressed and frustrated, and hit with a bad dose of Parisian nostalgia. Thankfully, Ben knows of a detective - sorry, inspecteur - Roquefort, who is free to investigate the cause of her woes, shoulder holsters included.

Word Count: 2.3k

Rating: Explicit (MDNI; 18+)

Content (series/one-shot specific): Visiting fic one-shot; Professor Ben College AU; Ben and Lydia are contemporaries; canon is not a thing here; smut; fingering; oral sex (f receiving); safe PiV sex; enthusiastic consent; strong language; praise kink; references to stress; bad French; terrible French accents; role playing; these two are fucking dorks; extreme silliness

A/N: This is @jack-whiskey-daniels' fault. I wrote up this smutty little vignette, heavily inspired by the photo of Tim Rockford above, last night. Today, Luce informs me that it's Merge Mansion day for Pedrotober and I should post this. Well, who am I to say no?

With apologies for Ben's deliberately terrible attempts at role-playing a cliched French detective (inspecteur is the more common title). No apologies for me using Lydia to work through my love of Tim "Shoulder Holsters Tight Shirt Undervest" Rockford.

(And, seeing as it's his birthday and these two are film nerds, I had to throw in a reference to a film by the French director Jean-Pierre Melville, creator of several exceptional French crime dramas in the 1960s and 1970s. Le Cercle rouge is one of his finest, but they're all brilliant and highly recommended.)

Read the main story on the series Masterlist.

Usual Visiting taglist: @jack-whiskey-daniels , @julesonrecord , @tessa-quayle , @vermillionwinter , @iamskyereads , @tieronecrush , @perennialdoll247 , @love-the-abyss , @imaswellkid , @intheorangebedroom , @javierisms , @fuckyeahdindjarin , @littlemisspascal , @khindahra , @pedrostories , @readingiskeepingmegoing , @rhoorl , @red-red-rogue , @princessanglophile, @katareyoudrilling @survivingandenduring, @trulybetty @fictionismyreality @sunnywithachanceofjavi, @joeldjarin , @lahoozaherr, @s-u-t, @its-nebuleuse, @lizzie-cakes

His warm, broad hand rests lightly on your shoulder as he passes you at the dining table. You turn to look up at him, handsome face full of concern.

“You’re not yourself. What’s up?”

You sigh and stare into your coffee. “It’s dumb.”

He pulls out a chair and sits down, quirking an eyebrow. “If it’s bothering you, I doubt it’s dumb. What’s wrong, love?”

“It’s this stupid essay I’m trying to get finished. I’m missing some of the stuff that would be really useful for it, and I should have gone to see it last time I was in Paris, and I’m frustrated with myself.”

“That’s not dumb, darling. Even if you are being too hard on yourself, as usual.”

You slump forward on the table, mumbling against the wooden surface. “And then I thought about how easy it used to be to just…pop over to Paris, whenever I could, and then I started thinking about it and how much I love it.”

He pats your arm affectionately. “Still not dumb.”

“And then we watched Le Cercle rouge last night and even all those dodgy cops and inspecteurs in their trenchcoats and hats and crime were making me miss Paris. See? Dumb.”

Ben shakes his head and smiles softly. “Not dumb at all. It’s a part of you, of who you are.” He traces a circle on the back of your hand. “And anyway, didn’t you once tell me you had a thing for dodgy cops with moustaches?” He looks at you mischievously and you grin.

“You, Benjamin, are a very tolerant man.” You reach out and trace your fingers over the coarse hair on one side of his face, and he closes his eyes and hums happily.

“I love you, Lyddie. It’ll be okay.” He pushes himself away from the table and heads towards the hallway. “I gotta go for my early seminar, but keep Hemingway in mind.”

You laugh and roll your eyes affectionately. “Of course, the answer is in literature.” He pauses at the door, waiting for you to acknowledge the quotation. “‘Wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.’”

He does that half-smile that never fails to make you melt, blows you a kiss, and heads off to work.

You meet him later for lunch, having worked at home for most of the morning. In between bites of his sandwich, he excitedly talks about the graduate seminar he’d taught, and you discuss your plans for your workshop on gender and visual culture that afternoon while Ben listens attentively.

“You feeling any better?” he asks, as you brush a stray couple of crumbs from his moustache. 

“A bit. I’m sorry, I just spiralled. Probably mostly stress and frustration at my own shitty work ethic and crap ideas.”

He kisses the tips of your fingers swiftly and discreetly, and you giggle. “You have to be kinder to yourself. You’re working too hard, thinking about it too much.”

You clear your table and bring your trays to the designated area, hands brushing lightly against each other as you stroll out of the cafeteria and back towards your building and your offices. You smile to yourself at how, even now, the slightest touch from him sends a current of electricity sparking through your body.

Ben opens his office door and pulls you in for a quick kiss before you have to go and teach. He pulls away reluctantly as you whine softly. 

“Please be kinder to yourself, Lyd.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as you move into the hallway. “I’m happy to help distract you, you know.”

“I’m home, love!” 

You drop your bag beside the hall table and hang your coat up on the rack before kicking off your shoes and stretching upwards as you walk towards the kitchen, where you expect to find him. On days when you have a later teaching schedule, Ben likes to get home earlier, finish his work in his attic study, and then get dinner started for both of you.

Something delicious is cooking away in the CrockPot, but there’s no sign of your boyfriend. You pass into the dining room, noticing the light from the living room coming through the glass-panelled doors. 

Ben is sitting on the sofa, wearing his glasses - nothing out of the ordinary there. But he’s also clad in the trenchcoat he wore for his Dave Toschi costume on Halloween, which is decidedly weird. 

“Uh, baby? You okay?”

He turns to face you, arching an eyebrow and running his eyes up and down your body as if he’s appraising you. 

“Ben?”

“Bonsoir, mademoiselle.”

You scrunch your face up in absolute confusion, and wonder if you should call Jen. Maybe some kind of accident happened at work? Did he take a knock to the head?

“Ben, I’m…what the fuck is happening?”

He holds a hand up to one side of his face and does a sort of stage whisper. “Go with it, Lyd! Just an attempt at cheering you up. You want to stop, just say the word.”

You burst out laughing and shake your head. “No, I’m… I’ll see where this leads, monsieur.”

He grins in satisfaction and stands up. “Je suis Inspecteur Timothée Roquefort, and…uh, I mean, et je suis un…Parisian police homme.”

“Baby, I know your French is better than this.”

Ben holds up a hand and continues speaking in what can only be described as one of the worst comedy French accents you have ever heard. “Mademoiselle! Do not interrupt moi.”

You bite your lip, body shaking with laughter. “D’accord, monsieur.”

“I received une message at the commissariat de police that une jolie femme was…” He looks away as he thinks. “Triste parce que she is not in Pareeeeee.”

“D’accord, mais je ne sais pas pourquoi les flics doivent intervenir dans une question personnelle, en fait, et alors -” [Okay, but I don’t know why cops have to intervene in a personal matter, really, and anyway -]

Ben looks panicked, and starts to rub at one side of his moustache with his pointer finger.

“Uh… HON HON HON. OMELETTE DU FROMAGE.”

That does it. You collapse against him in a fit of laughter, eyes creased and tears rolling down your cheeks. He holds you close against him as you look up at his open, handsome face. 

“You are a very goofy man, Benjamin Morales, and I love you for it. Though I don’t really understand how I want to fuck you this badly even with that accent.”

He grins. “You want to fuck moi because je suis a sexy Parisian police homme, non?” 

He plants a kiss to your forehead as he hugs you tightly. “L’Inspecteur did have une question de plus, Lyddie.”

“Eh bien?”

You can see him struggling not to laugh as he makes a cheesy, cliched “sexy” face at you. 

“La question, s’il vous plait.”

“Well, mademoiselle…” Ben shrugs off the trenchcoat to reveal the shoulder holsters he’d worn at Halloween. The ones that had helped show you just how beautifully broad he was. The ones you’d held onto as the two of you sat as close as it was possible for two friends to sit, both taking any opportunity to make contact with the other’s body. 

The ones you’d asked him, a while back, if he’d kept. “Just because,” you’d explained. “They were kinda hot.”

You reach out and trace your fingers over the leather of the straps, biting your lip and feeling the flame of your desire building steadily into an inferno.

“La question, monsieur l’Inspecteur.”

He arches his brow and gives you his most seductive smile. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”

You make it to the bedroom in record time, laughing as you race up the stairs and sit down on the bed as he stands in front of you. 

“Where do you want me for the, uh, investigation, monsieur l’Inspecteur?”

Ben grins delightedly and leans forward, encouraging you to lie back on the mattress as he shifts his broad form over you, arms caging your body as you run your hands over his warm, solid chest and that tummy that makes you absolutely feral. His white shirt is perfectly snug, sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms, and your hips are already shifting upwards to meet his crotch, desperate for him.

You grip the shoulder holsters as Ben chuckles, bringing his head lower and whispering in your ear. “Je think that les clues are hidden dans your body.”

You both burst out laughing, but your eyes stay trained on each other, never breaking the intense intimacy and erotic power of the shared gaze. 

“You should probably do some searching, then, Inspecteur.”

Ben kisses you deeply as he moves you towards the middle of the bed and loosens his tie before unbuttoning your blouse, bringing his mouth to every new area of skin exposed. “Might be here?” he murmurs, lips brushing off the velvety flesh of your breasts before sucking on your nipples through the pink lace of your bra. 

Your back arches as you gasp. “No, don’t think so…sir.”

You feel his cock twitch in his pants at that and you smile wickedly. “Liked that, did we? Sir?”

Ben hides his face against your tummy and laughs. “Maybe.” His broad hands roam up to your shoulders as he helps you out of your blouse, before tracing the outline of your waist and the curves of your hips and ass as he unbuttons your dark green pants and slips his fingers into your panties. 

“Fuck, Ben, fuck, that’s -”

“Maybe the clues are here? What do you think, mademoiselle?”

He shifts his body down the bed and looks up at you lasciviously, eyes burning black with lust as he pulls your pants down and discards them. He eases your legs apart and you react with a gasp and a giggle as he works his way up your thighs. 

“Looking for treasure, sir?”

He laughs, low and warm, and brings his face to your core. “Found it, mademoiselle.” The heat of his mouth hits your pussy through the fabric of your panties, and you moan loudly. He hums happily as he kisses your soaking cunt, pulling the fabric aside to grant him more access before he drags them off you completely and buries his mouth between your legs. His tongue moves between your folds, flicking your clit every now and again before diving into the warm wetness of your entrance while the strong line of his nose keeps the pressure on the sensitive nub. 

The first orgasm hits you hard, and your hips bear down on Ben’s face as he groans with pleasure. He slips two fingers inside you to sustain the climax a little longer, and with the other hand unbuckles his belt and undoes his zipper, slipping off his pants and boxer briefs while he continues to massage the spot inside you that he knows, having had you so many times, will deepen the orgasm and build to an even stronger one next time.

“Need you, baby,” you whine, eyes drifting to his hard cock, tip glistening with pre-come. “Need you so badly.”

You reach up as he shifts his weight over you, unbuttoning his shirt to reveal his white undervest, clinging perfectly to his gorgeous, solid form. He makes as if to take off the holsters. 

“Don’t you fucking dare take those off. They’re staying on, sir.”

He raises his eyebrows and laughs. “Oh, mademoiselle likes them, does she?”

You giggle, feeling his warm breath against your lips, and slip your fingers under the straps around his shoulders. “She really likes them, monsieur. Liked them from the first time she saw them on you.”

He kisses you hard, one hand groping your tits while the other gives his cock a few strokes as he shifts into position. “Sometimes I wish you’d told me back then, that night,” he murmurs, sucking lightly on your neck and making you cry out.

“Think we made up for lost time, though,” you gasp, tilting your head to look at his hard length notching at the wet folds of your cunt. “Please fuck me, baby.”

He slides into you in a fluid motion, moaning long and slow as he bottoms out and the tightness of your pussy takes hold around his cock. He drags back out of you slowly, luxuriantly, savouring every bump and ridge inside you and trying to restrain himself from driving back into you too quickly.

“Jesus, baby, your pussy is fucking incredible. So warm and tight for me.”

He starts to fuck you, picking up pace quickly as you keep hold of the shoulder holsters.

“Tell me, darling.”

He closes his eyes, face a perfect expression of ecstasy. “It’s just fucking perfect. Like you’re made for me, made for my cock. Made for each other.”

You tilt your pelvis slightly so that he’s grinding a little more on your clit as he moves in and out of you, and before long the friction has you coming again. Ben groans at the sensation as your pussy clenches around him and you ride out your orgasm on his cock. 

“Fuck, Lyd, I - oh, fuck.” He seems surprised at how quickly his own release comes, spilling into you while he buries his face against your neck, muttering a litany of curses and praise. 

“Oh fuck fuck fuck baby, that’s fucking it, that’s - my good fucking girl, fuck.”

When he lifts his head again, his face and upper body are drenched in sweat, dripping onto your neck and chest. He kisses you slowly, deeply, before he pulls out. You whine with pleasure at the taste of yourself, of your cunt, on his lips.

He flops back onto the bed, turning to kiss you again and stroke your cheek as he whispers his love for you, over and over.

You return the gesture, nuzzling against him, sated and feeling completely loved, completely adored, completely safe. 

The sight of the shoulder holster makes you giggle affectionately. This beautiful, goofy, sexy man, who would come up with something so silly and so sweet and so insanely hot, just to make you feel better.

“Can the inspecteur come by another time, baby? I think there might be more cases to solve.”

(tape warning by @cafekitsune; star dividers by @saradika)

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

Endings week Season 5 countdown tag game

Doing this right away because I'm pretty sure I forgot last week's @lonestar-s5countdown

1) Which 911 Lone Star season finale is your favorite? Gotta be season 4 - the tarlos wedding. Though season 3 with the 3:18 proposal in 3x18 was good too!

(2) What was your favorite moment from the season 4 finale? The tarlos wedding obviously. Tommy singing for them and both of them getting a little teary eyed, TK holding onto his husband's (!!!) arm, Carlos telling his mum it was the best night of his life, their vows (!!!), both of them being romantic idiots, "You are the key that unlocked me" "You are the dream I would not allow myself to have", "You saw me for the man I hadn't yet become" "I vow to take care and nurture your heart as if it was my very own", Paul officiating (!!!), the two of them in their own little bubble dancing in the background, the cake smash scene!!! (I don't care that it was deleted - it counts).

(3) Are there any storylines that you would like to see brought back for a more satisfying conclusion? Not so much a conclusion but I'd like to see Carlos' sisters again - just to see their dynamic with him some more. We barely saw them at the rehearsal dinner and then the next time was Gabriel's funeral. I want to see them tease their little brother, I want TK to join in and just interact with his in laws other than Andrea.

Or if we're going full delusion - Gabriel. He had to fake his death and now Carlos is solving his 'murder' and when the bad guy is locked up, he comes home to be with his family and see his son happily married to the love of his life.

(4) Pick one character and tell us where you hope to see them at the end of season 5. I think most of all I want *everybody* to have a happy ending. though i don't know how likely that's going to be if they really do what I think they'll do with Judd's storyline.

And maybe for Owen to have a FRIEND. No more random girlfriends young enough to be his daughter.

(5) What is one thing you really want to see before the show ends? An announcement abc (or any other network) has picked up the show? Nancy and Marjan kiss and fall in love and live happily ever after? (shush let me live in denial) On a more realistic note... I think I'd like Andrea and Owen to bond over losing their partner/the other parent of their child/children and Judd will probably be joining that club too this season I want tarlos to be a united front with whatever drama comes their way this season. No fighting between them please. I'm curious about Carlos' new work partner (RIP Lexi Mitchell, you'll always be famous) and even though I think it'll be like the Cooper of it all, I really hope it won't be. Carlos would absolutely never cheat, and TK knows it, but I don't particularly want him to be "jealous" of how much time Carlos is spending with New Guy for work. And I want at least one Catan crew hang at the tarloft. I want tarlos to be That Couple that's constantly making heart eyes at each other, telling the other they missed them when they've been apart for more than 5 minutes, just being all loved up and obnoxiously happy. Carlos went to the store to get more snacks, was gone for maybe 20 minutes, slides the door open, and TK all but jumps up from his seat to greet him with a kiss.

"Hi baby, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Nancy *rolling her eyes* "He was gone for FIFTEEN MINUTES!"

open tag + tags under the cut

@bonheur-cafe @carlos-in-glasses @pimento-playing-hopscotch @lemonlyman-dotcom @theredandwhitequeen

@chicgeekgirl89 @bringingclawstoagunfight @nancys-braids @captain-gillian @literateowl

[strawberryfairi]

Synopsis✨: The story of how you catch heavy feelings for the hot photography student, Shuji Hanma…even though you already have the perfect (fake) boyfriend.

Pairings: Photography Student! Shuji Hanma X Dance Major! Black Fem 🤎 Reader (ANYONE CAN READ🧚🏾‍♀️) Content: Drama, lots of denial, angst, sneaky link, lots of cheating, mutual pining, unserious Shuji, controlling parents, forced relationships, romance, fighting, porn with a good plot vibes, intense sexual tension, etc (just find out the rest lol)

w.c: 5.1k💠 Released: March 20, 2024

Previous | Next | Chapters Masterlist

NOTE: I hope you guys enjoy this next chapter! I really want to focus on making this story a nice balance between smut and also having a genuine plot which honestly makes this one a bit hard. But I'm glad to see y'all are liking it anyways❤︎

C.W: None

6; Fatigue 疲劳

You wake up the next morning completely sore, everything was aching, reminding you of the intense events of last night. Hanma is fast asleep, laying with an arm lazily slung around your waist, the majority of your body on top of his.

The both of you looked tangled together, from the way your legs intertwined to the way the sheets wrapped around different limbs oddly. Y'all had knocked each other the hell out.

You let out a small, tired moan, attempting to move out of his grasp so you could check the time. Where did you even leave your phone? Thanks to the literal entanglement you were in, you couldn't move at all without potentially waking him up. You pursed your lips, feeling a little bad that you'd have to bother him, he looks so peaceful, cute even, while sleeping. His hair hanging lazily over his forehead, expression completely calm, and his chest slowly rises and falls in a steady rhythm. You catch yourself staring, blinking a few times as you snap yourself out of it.

Let's not forget you do still have a boyfriend...

"Hanma..." You mutter, much too soft for him to hear. You try again, this time nudging his shoulder a bit. He stirs but doesn't really wake up fully, tightening his hold around you as he turns on his side. "Oh, no!" You whisper, trying not to laugh. Now he has you smushed to his chest, his legs weighing over top of yours.

"Hanma! Uh uh, you gotta wake up. My legs!" You finally crack, giggling a little as you shake his shoulder. He groans opening one eye a bit, looking down at you.

"Mmm, what?" He mumbles tiredly, his voice all raspy.

"I gotta see what time it is; and you're crushing me." You tap his shoulder lightly, trying to move.

"Mm mm." He grunts, not moving even an inch..

"What'chu mean 'mm mm'? I have classes today!"

He ignores you, closing his eye again.

"Come on! I can't miss my classes." You urge him, shaking him again.

He let's out an annoyed groan, flipping over onto his back and letting go of you. You smile innocently at him then drag yourself out of bed. "Oh! Oh my gosh!" You grunt out in pain, falling backwards onto the bed. Your body was not having it. Everywhere ached, especially the lower half of you, not allowing you to move fluidly at all.

"This is not good." You mutter, attempting to get up much more cautiously this time.

Friday's were unfortunately a busy day in your week. Starting the morning off with a nine a.m. body conditioning pilates class, then an hour break for breakfast before you have to head to your Classical Ballet III course. After that, two hours later is straight to Black Aesthetic in American Modern Dance, then you'd have to get to practice for the upcoming The Gypsy ballet audition.

In other words, you couldn't afford to miss today. You get yourself up and start searching for your phone, massaging your arms and legs as the cold air hits you. You find your phone sitting by your duffel bag on twenty three percent. Hitting the lock button you check the time.

11:09am

3 Missed Calls Big K💖

Imessage Big K💖

"Shhhhhit." You whisper, facepalming. Not only did you already completely miss your first class, you haven't responded to not a single call or text from Ken. You only had a short slot of time to first get to your dorm then shower, eat, get dressed, and head over to your Ballet technique class, all while trying to calm Ken down from being inevitably pissed with you. There's no way you're gonna be able to do all that within the hour.

"What's up with you? Why're you up so early?" Hanma furrows his brows.

"'Cause I have classes! Do you not have classes on Friday's?" You look at him like he's crazy, brows furrowed deeply.

"I do. Just not as soon as the damn sun rises." He replies, running a hand through his hair.

"It's eleven in the morning; almost the afternoon." You narrow your eyes at him.

"Oh shit." His expression falls in realization as he sits up in bed.

Gosh what a mess. Your hair is probably looking wild, your body's completely exhausted, and you have lots to do today...all involving high intensity body movement. You hadn't spoken to Ken all day yesterday, so you already knew he'd be wanting to hear from you at some point today too. The worst part about Ken is that not even now is any sliver of guilt making its way into your heart. Maybe it's because the anger is still hot from what went down in your dorm the other day. Yeah, that's it, the guilt just hasn't kicked in yet.

"I don't know how I'm gonna get through today." You groan exasperatedly. To be honest you could lay in that bed and not wake up until tomorrow. That sounds perfect...

"I mean, you could always skip." He shrugs, still not even bothering to move out of bed.

"I already missed one class, I can't miss Ballet; and my teacher's pretty strict with showing up and showing up on time. I already know I'm gonna be late; and Ken's probably already pissed with me too..." You ramble anxiously.

💎

Classical Ballet III

It was so embarrassing coming into class late. Everyone was already locked in with warmups, spots chosen at the bars and doing the movements the professor called out. The way the other students were staring at you like you were some halfwitted creature for 'disrupting' the class didn't help at all. Why is ballet such a toxic world? You quickly scurry inside the studio room, placing your bag down and jumping out of your sweats and oversized hoodie, making your way to the bar in the front by the floor-to-ceiling mirror.

It hit you a few minutes before coming inside that you'd be showing off the piece by Bach that your professor assigned each of you to practice, Violin Concerto No. 1 in A Minor. Lord have mercy you weren't even close to being able to do it well. What a dumb idea last night was, you'd practically be torturing yourself for the rest of the day, and weekend if you get the call back for The Gypsy. Maybe that's what you get for cheating on your boyfriend? Is this the guilt finally kicking in?

"God help me..." You mumble, getting into the releve he'd just called out.

10 Mins Later

"No no, stop! You all were late on that jeté!" The professor stops the music, shaking his head annoyedly.

Before the professor turns the music back on he turns to you, the disappointment already made clear before he could even say a word. "You're missing your usual poise today. You alright?" He questions, tilting his head to the side.

"No yeah, I'm good! Just feeling a little sore." You reply awkwardly, getting yourself back into the starting position. Some of the students a few feet away from you start whispering and snickering to themselves. You knew they'd definitely came to the right kind of conclusion as to why you were feeling sore.

"Don't push yourself. Our bodies are powerful, but we can only withstand so much pressure." Mr. E states matter of factly, a look of concern making it's way onto his face. You nod with a slight frown. If you could miss a day of classes you would. But things just move way too quickly. You miss one class then all of a sudden a mountain of assignments and things just come at you out of nowhere. Yeah no, not for you. You fight passed the whines of discomfort your body throws your way, trying not to make any uncomfortable expressions as you go through the dance. This was only the assignment from last week, you hadn't even gotten to the Bach piece yet.

"Much better that time on that jeté! Alright, let's see who practiced the concerto!" He calls out.

Your heart sinks, this piece was not easy. He'd wanted to challenge you all last week since some of the students were slacking off with their overall technique. He's one of those professors where if one slacks off you all basically slacked off. The first five people go, none really impressing him all that much.

"Disappointing Riku; I expected better. Next." He shakes his head then gestures over to you with a hand. He already isn't happy with the class's overall performance of the piece, so you'd really have to get a grip.

You take a deep breath, getting into the starting position.

"Really pay attention to your balance during the sissone." Your professor instructs in a much softer tone. You nod then get back into character as the music starts. Immediately your thighs burn, and you prayed they wouldn't give out on you since your arms were already feeling like jelly. The piece was thankfully only three minutes and fifty one seconds, and you were able to get through it without any major disasters.

"Ok...good. Not great; but good. You're clearly fatigued. You barely made it through that sissone and arabesque." He completely read you, his tone matter of fact.

"I-..." You weren't really sure how to respond.

"Why don't you sit out, or head to the dancer's wellness center? I won't have a student breaking themselves under my watch."

You were truly grateful. Mr. E was a stern teacher, but he really does care for his students. You give him a soft "Ok, I guess I'll just go to the wellness area."

"Lemme give you a note." He says, holding a hand up. You gather your things at the back of the room then take the note. It was a little awkward with no music and all the other students just watching this go down. You practically limp your way out of the room, your body feeling even worse than before with forcing yourself to do all those intense movements. You make your way down the hall and to the stairs that lead down to the third floor to the wellness area, the dance studios are on the fourth. Right as you reach the staircase, a familiar voice calls out to you, making your heart stop.

"Ken?! What're you doing here?!" Your eyes go wide.

"I came to find you! You haven't answered a single text or call! The hell is wrong with you?!" He says angrily, stepping up close to you.

"Are you serious?! What makes you think I'd wanna be in the mood to talk to you after how you acted the other night?!" You scoff, continuing on down the stairs. Yeah that's good, just cover the rising guilt with anger. Of course he followed after you.

"Jesus babe, I don't even remember that." He rolls his eyes.

"I really can't with you right now Ken, like I'm not even in the mood." You shake your head, waving him off as you continue down the stairs.

"Can you just...stop for a damn second?!" He grumbles, reaching for your arm and stopping you halfway down the staircase.

You clench your jaw in annoyance, snatching your arm away while you wait for whatever the hell he was about to say.

"Look, I'm sorry alri-

"No, no you're not just gonna hit me with another sorry ass apology and brush it off. You were acting wild Ken! I should never have to call a friend to come get you after I ask you to leave my dorm!" You rant, eyes on fire with anger. "Aright alright. I apologize; I mean it." He says in a softer tone, looking you right in the eyes. You let out a dry laugh. "Changing it from I'm sorry to I apologize doesn't make it better, Ken. You're supposed to actually mean it through your actions, which you obviously don't. If you were really sorry you'd just stop getting crossed or high or whatever the hell it is you're doing. You know what'll happen if our parents catch you like that; if they catch our relationship looking shaky." You warn, your tone stern.

At this point you were seething. You couldn't risk getting kicked out of the school because Ken wants to go be an idiot and put a bad look on himself, and ultimately the two of you. "I-..I know, babe. I'll do better, I promise." He assures, leaning in to give you a kiss. You pull away instantly, like you were avoiding a punch to the face. "Don't promise, just do it, Ken." You grit, turning away from him and continuing on to the wellness center.

"There you go again, being the "boss girl", telling me what to do."

You stop in your tracks for a moment, Ken's intoxicated words suddenly coming to the forefront of your mind.

Now that he went and spilled his secret thoughts, you couldn't help but start to overthink a bit. You're not really the problem, right?

"You know what? He's getting crossed more because he's starting to lose his shit. That's why he feels like you think you're better than him. You don't fold under pressure like a bitch, getting drunk or high to ignore it all the time. You know what you want and you're always going after it no matter what, but Ryuguji? He's a fuckin' mess and he knows it. Let's be real, he's only playing football because his dad wants him to; he's the damn coach!"

But when did he start to lose his shit though? Why would it have anything to do with you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4 Days Later Tuesday Night 7:36pm

The past two days had been fairly breezy for no apparent reason, but honestly, after how the weekend went with Ken, you're not complaining. It was close to a train wreck, this past weekend. The two of you going back and forth arguing in the middle of a fairly upscale restaurant; his dad's money of course.

Allegedly, Emma saw you get into the car with Hanma that Thursday and told Ken, which of course made your heart sink to the floor. Not only that, but you couldn't help being a bit pissed at her for just assuming you were cheating all because you got into someone else's car that isn't Ken's.

Even though you were cheating....

Flashback

"Like I said the last time I asked about you getting into some other guys car, anything you wanna tell me about that?" Ken asks, his tone threatening and slightly dark. Your jaw clenches, more annoyed at the fact that you still get nervous about sneaking around with Shuji than anything else.

"If you must know, it was for a photoshoot that he asked-

"Wait, don't tell me it's that same photography student from before. Who is it?!" He cuts in, eyes narrowed. You could see the cogs turning in his mind as he leaned forward at the table. You huff, trying to keep your composure as you go to explain again.

"Yes, and it doesn't matter who it is Ken. I already know you're just gonna find him and try to-

"It does matter!" He outbursts, drawing immediate attention to the two of you. You scoff, brows raising as you lean back in your chair. People's eyes trailed across the room to both of you, discreetly murmuring and watching whatever scene was unfolding.

"Ok, first of all, stop cuttin' me off." You grit out, your own voice holding a low, threatening tone. "Second, I am not obligated to tell you every single thing I do and with who, just like you're not. Let's keep in mind the fact that I haven't pressed you about who you're getting these drugs you love so much from Ken; neither have I bothered to tell either of our parents about it. So let's keep things how we agreed to way back in the beginning. I mind my business and you mind yours." You criticize, keeping your eyes locked on his the entire time.

"Don't try to flip this shit around on me, I'm used to your bullshit mind games by now! The other day you were goin' on and on about me makin' us look bad in front of our parents, but baby if you're cheating on me, it'll be you that ruins our lives first, not me!" He fumes, pointing an accusatory finger your way. You roll your eyes, sighing as you shake your head.

"Mind games?! You're over here basing shit off a flimsy ass 'if' when I know for a fact you're using drugs! Have you thought about what happens when you need to do your next drug test?! Oh yeah, I guess not since you're too busy livin' large during your trips." You fumed.

Then Ken goes silent, sitting there with his jaw locked, looking off to the side.

"This isn't about who ruins either of our lives first Ken, this needs to be about us both keeping this fake ass relationship running as smoothly as possible, and lately you haven't been doing nothin' to help with that! I don't know what's been goin' on with you since you damn sure don't talk to me about your problems anymore, but what I do know for sure is that you need to get a goddamn grip! I do not have time for you to be fallin' a part at the seams and ruinin' your career because all of a sudden you're sooo unhappy to be in a fake relationship with me like this is a brand new occurence! I'm not happy about it either Ken, but I still get shit done! So tighten the fuck up, and shake whatever is going on with you off; right now!" You argue, your gaze blazing hot as you peer into his eyes.

Ken shakes his head, a genuinely hurt look on his face.

"You just don't get it..." He grumbles lowly, crossing his arms over his chest.

End Flashback

Tonight you have practice with the girls for an upcoming basketball game, teaching them a new dance along with just standard practice to the songs they already know. In small groups and individually the girls start to file into the large studio room, taking off their sweats and getting semi prepared to dance.

You're currently in the women's locker room, getting your mind out of ballet from your class about forty five minutes ago and into your contemporary dance mindset, changing into your workout clothes. You were wearing a cute hot pink pair of workout shorts, and a white sports bra. Your water bottle also cutely matched your outfit as it's also pink with your name written around it in a lavender shade of purple. Very girly.

You make your way out of the locker room and over to the water fountain just a few feet away from the door. Taking a random deep breath, you sit the water bottle onto the fountain, letting the automatic fountain do it's thing and fill it up.

"H-hey, hello there-

"OH MY GOD-you scared the shit out of me; what the fuck..." Your voice goes from practically screaming to a whisper as you look to the right of you at whoever just spoke. Your water bottle falling over to the side from the way you bumped into the fountain when you jumped.

"Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He stammers, grabbing your water bottle just before it could fall to the ground, some water splashing around and onto the floor unceremoniously. "Uhh, it's all good...?" You trail off a bit awkwardly, your eyes unintentionally looking him over up and down. You've never seen this dude before in your life, you're positive.

He's wearing pretty basic clothes, a red plaid button up top with dark wash jeans and converse shoes on, also wearing black square glasses. His dark hair is sort of medium length, maybe reaching a few inches past his ears just hanging down lazily. A very nerdy look for sure. The guy just stares at you as if dazed, not saying a word...and freaking you out instantly.

"Did you wanna talk to me or...?" You trail off again, trying with every fiber of your being not to sound rude and/or look at him like he was a weirdo even though that's kinda what he's giving. "I-oh I'm so sorry! I just-...I-I've always seen you around here and...well I was hoping you'd let me take you out on a date sometime? Get to know each other?" He says sheepishly, his dark brown eyes shifting all over the place before looking back at you. Your jaw nearly hits the floor, but you quickly catch it, trying to keep your composure together as your mind replays his words over and over.

"Uuuuum-

"Oh wait wait! I forgot to introduce myself! My name's Fumihiro Miyagawa; hi." He says, giving you his hand to shake. Not even a split second later he retracts his hand, then changes his mind again and extends it. You purse your lips, just standing there watching as he goes back and forth.

"Hi. It's nice to meet you Miyagawa." You smile politely, finally shaking his hand.

"S-so, would you wanna...?" He trails off, still holding your hand. You bite your tongue, feeling uncomfortable that he wasn't letting go yet. Even though it's been just a few minutes speaking to him, something felt off.

"Well I'm really flattered you're asking me out, but I actually have a boyfriend." You tell him, your tone apologetic. Miyagawa's expression falls instantly, almost dark looking as your response sinks in. There's a heavy silence that comes and hovers over the two of you as you try to let go of the handshake and retract your hand. For a second his grip tightens, making your heart abruptly leap in your chest, but it calms as he finally lets your hand go.

"Oh", He says dryly, "That's too bad, I guess." His tone softens up now, along with his expression.

"I'm sorry." That was all you could even think to say as your mind was thinking of one thing and one thing only, getting very far away from this guy.

You hear the water from the fountain start to overflow from your bottle, ripping you out of the severely awkward conversation. "I actually gotta go now. I have dance practice." You say, already heading off down the hall to the studio room as you screw the cap onto the water bottle.

"Whaaaaaaat the hell was that?" You whisper to yourself.

Once you get into the studio room, you leave that random, borderline creepy conversation behind, getting into serious mode.

"Heeey! How's the day been?" Emma beams, coming up to your from the front center of the room. You swallow your emotions towards her and keep it professional, keep it chill. "Hey girl! It's been pretty good. What's goin' on with you?" You ask softly, giving her a small smile.

"Honestly, this has been some of the best couple of days I've ever had." She sighs blissfully.

These past couple days? The same couple of days that consisted of some of the worst arguments you've ever had with Ken in the entire time of knowing him? An argument that was ultimately caused because Emma went and ran her mouth to him? Something about her words had just hit you in all the wrong ways, making you feel a little skeptical.

"Oh, well that's good. Wish I could say the same." You chuckle, trying to make it sound as lighthearted as possible.

"You always get your stress out through dance practice though! That's your thing!" She pats your shoulder, before heading off ahead of you to the front of the studio. Your eyes couldn't help but narrow at her as she saunters off like a dandelion in the damn wind.

Somethin' ain't sitting right....

33 Minutes Later

"I need just a bit more carefreeness from you, Himari! Your technique though is looking great, but I think you're thinking too hard about it. It's great, so now just focus on balancing the technique with-

You pause, losing your train of thought as you follow the girls in the far left side of the rooms wandering eyes through the floor-to-ceiling mirror. As soon as you turn towards the studio doors, someone walks in, and it's Hanma. All of a sudden, he just...appears.

"What-..." You trail off, trying not to react in a way that made the girls skeptical of you.

The girls immediately start murmuring and gasping about how 'gorgeous' and 'hot' he is as he struts inside like he owns the place, an infuriatingly smug grin plastered across his lips.

"Uhhh, can I help you with something?" You call out from your side of the room, trying with everything in you to sound like you've never met him before, pausing the music and placing your hands on your hips as he makes his way to you.

"Do-..do you know him?!" Emma whispers over to you.

"Hell no." You answer shortly, keeping your eyes fixed on Hanma.

"Yes she does." He chuckles deviously.

"No I-..you do realize we're in the middle of a rehearsal, right?" You sass.

"And do you realize you've been avoiding me for-

"GAAAAAH! Outside, right now!" You outburst abruptly, hollering over him so the girls wouldn't hear what he was about to say. You purse your lips together in embarrassment, practically speed walking to the studio doors as he slowly followed behind you.

"Y'all, just give me one second, ok? I'm so sorry." You apologize, facepalming before shutting the door.

"Shuji Hanma, what in the hell is wrong with you?!" You whisper yell.

He chuckles, backing up until his back is against the white painted wall. "You haven't been answering my texts for days, so I was worried. Wanted to make sure you didn't go and die on me or somethin'." He says coolly.

"So you bust in my rehearsal?! How'd you even figure out where-..you know what, doesn't matter, what do you want?" You facepalm.

"First, I wanna know why you're avoiding me again." He says nonchalantly, raising a finger.

"Uhh, because I have a boyfriend, and that said boyfriend has been up my ass all weekend starting arguments about you!" You point a finger to his chest. "I wanna be up your ass..." He mumbles playfully. You huff in immediate annoyance, ignoring his idiotic statement. "I'm trying to save my ass and yours by not being around you or texting you. None of it."

"Saving my ass, huh?" He smirks.

"Yeah! You should be grateful, to be honest, since Ken was just about ready to-

"So you care about me, doll?" He raises a brow, looking down at you with a completely unserious expression. "W-What?! What is going on?!" You shake your head, heart skipping a beat for a second as your mind makes sure you heard him right.

He goes to open his mouth again but you cut him off, already knowing he was just gonna say something dumb. "Be serious! I care about not having my relationship fall apart and all my "sins" bein' laid out for the whole freakin' school to see!" You rant, throwing your hands up in the air exasperatedly.

"All of a sudden you care about your relationship?" He questions, raising a brow. "It's not all of a sudden, I've cared the whole time." You scrunch your face up. "Now you know that's bullshit, doll. You couldn't even look me in the eyes when you said that." He pressed. He wasn't wrong, you really didn't care, but you had to care all at the same time.

"What're you here for, Hanma? For real." You grumble, looking back up at him with as stern of an expression and voice you could muster.

"That leads me to the second thing I want. You, in my bed with me, tonight. Right after your cute little dance rehearsal." He purrs sensually, taking your chin with his fingers.

"No." You deadpan, swatting his hand away.

"Your bed?" He shrugs plainly.

"No! Absolutely not! Did you tune out everything I just said like five seconds ago?! This whole thing, with you and me, is done now alright? We hooked up once, we're not doing it again; that was a one time thing!" You say with finality, gesturing between the two of you. He raises a brow, completely unfazed and slightly amused by your rant.

"A one time thing; I'm serious." You add for good measure.

"Are you? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you said something veeerry similar the last time." He says lowly, placing his hands on your hips and pulling you closer.

"I'm actually deadass serious, that's how serious I am." You narrow your eyes halfheartedly, placing your hands on his chest to keep yourself from being pulled any closer. You were already starting to feel yourself cracking under his gaze. "Sooo, you're tellin' me you really don't think about how good I had you feelin'? You don't ever think about doing it again?" He questions softly, leaning down so his lips were just a few inches from yours. You huff, trying to maintain your resolve, clenching your jaw as your eyes flicker downwards towards his tempting pink lips for a second. Of course you think about it. The flashbacks have been absolutely torturous.

But for the sake of the "relationship" you've got going on with Ken, you'd have to let Hanma go now. "I'm telling you...that that was the first and last time we-

Hanma cuts you off, closing the slight gap and pressing his lips against yours. That was the last straw. The small, shaky piece of resolve you had left just crumbled into nothing. Instantly it's like you're transported back to last Thursday at his place, up against that wall while he sets your whole body ablaze with his dangerous kisses. You melt, sliding your hands up to place one on his neck and the other on his shoulder. Gosh, he must think you're so easy, just a few words in that sexy low tone topped off with a kiss and you're putty in his hands. He has you completely wrapped around his finger. You pull away slowly, your mind finally made up.

"I'll be done at ten, take me to your place." You murmur sensually against his lips before leaning in for another quick kiss. "Oh, and since you came and interrupted my 'cute little dance rehearsal', I'm gonna use your shower first...while you make me a nice dinner." You add with a semi smug grin, running your thumb along his bottom lip.

"You askin' or tellin' me, angel?" He raises a brow, tone dripping with lust. "Requiring actually." You clarify flirtatiously, turning away and heading back towards the studio doors. "Damn. Well somehow I happen to be very turned on by that." He chuckles lightly in surprise.

"Glad you're discovering new things about yourself", You chuckle lightly, "Bye Shuji."

Your eyes go wide, heart skipping a beat in your chest. Shuji. You just called him Shuji...

[eolewyn1010]

I had a dream last night that, once I deduct all the random dream stuff that doesn't fit in there, makes for a pretty basic but potentially cute Romantasy story. I'm glad Sarah J. Maas didn't try this one yet because I don't trust her with a queer protagonist.

So there's Fairy Prince (my dream rudely didn't hand me names with this) who's planning to be crowned soon. He's gonna get a special crown for the occasion, 13 purple gems that are gonna fuse into his forehead. Which, yes, will be painful, so he's kinda training to keep a straight face during the ceremony while his anatomy is slightly but permanently altered. I was there, too, and I was kind of his fiancée, but I think mostly his beard because the way we talked to each other I got the impression that we were friends and the upcoming marriage one of convenience.

Anyway, the day of the ceremony the gems go wild, just slip out of his hands, and crown some unwitting guy in the crowd who screams a lot in pain and panic, and then when the whole mess is over everyone goes: SHIT! Does that mean he's our king now?? He's got the magic crown; he's the only one able to do the harvest blessings and protect the border, but he ain't the prince raised for that?? Fairy Prince waits for Crowned King to wake up from all the trauma, then explains things to him; neither of them is particularly happy, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Time goes by, Crowned King learns how to handle magic from Fairy Prince, they start falling in love (accompanied by snark from yours truly that "I didn't think you had a back-up plan to get the throne!"), but Fairy Prince isn't quite sure if he can trust Crowned King for this to become a permanent solution because of the entire robbed crown situation.

Turns out he's kinda right, but not really, because when the big betrayal happens, Crowned King falls under a sort of sleeper-activated hypnosis by the actual fraction who staged the situation to overtake the kingdom; it's a whole Lake Laogai thing. Key part of sneaking someone in whom the crown would consider more worthy of being king (because royal genetics are apparently non-obligatory) was that he would never consciously think of throwing the kingdom into chaos and war, so Crowned King was never aware of the plan. Yadda-yadda, that's about where my dream ends, but I assume Fairy Prince gotta go rescue his lover now. And then wedding smooches, hopefully.

So since this sounds like a convenient little rivals-to-lovers story with a tad "betrayal" drama to clear up in the third act, I may or may not write this into a thing sometime, but also: Why am I a tertiary character in my own dream?

[sleepanonymous]

helloouugh i have seen your tags from the ivy neck post lmao.. did.. something happen again in the fandom? i am not asking for details if you don't wanna give tbh, i just have seen nothing and i was a bit bummed out to see you saying you need ''unsee juice'', the boys can't catch a break. :/ i hope that was a 'general state of things' unsee and not smething recent

Hi Anon, ty for the ask 🖤😅 Yeeeah there was some very subtle but creepy drama happening on Reddit over the past 2-3 weeks. Tea below the cut, I guess? TLDR is everything turned out fine but was still a big "Yikes!"

I was a quiet observer of this one, and I'm pretty sure it flew beneath 99.9% of the fandom's radar. I feel kinda bad bringing it up after the dust has settled, but I guess it's my own fault for tagging that IVy's neck meme the way I did 😅

This stated around the beginning of the month, but to tell the story properly, I gotta start 10 days ago. There is an "identity friendly" Sleep Token subreddit where a girl commented under a post stating that somebody's "acquaintance" was mates with her big brother (III being the acquaintance mentioned).

That comment piqued the interest of one of my good friends, and with a little snooping on the commenter's Reddit profile, they found a post from 22 days ago under r/crushes titled something along the lines of "Are your brother's friends off limits? Age gap?" In the post the Reddit user talks about crushing on an older guy who is friends with her brother (👀), and how he used to like her Instagram stories until he deleted his social media late last year (👀👀). At this point, my friends and I were thinking this could be a coincidence or the user could be talking about III based off the similarities and sparse information provided.

I'm almost certain there was a second r/crushes post or an r/dating post, or comments made under other posts, where the user talked about getting invited by her brother to hang out in his "friend circle," where she asked for advice in flirting with an older guy that shares 0% of her interests. I can't find it linked in any conversations, and (spoiler alert) the user's Reddit was deleted.

By this point I, being a 30-something-year-old woman who used to crush on men much older than me when I was this poster's age, who knows exactly how damaging these age-gap relationships can be, felt extremely concerned for this girl (no offense to III). But I, as well as my friends, all decided to keep our mouths shut and not engage because it's honestly none of our business and we don't need to get involved anymore than we were.

Then there was a post under r/dating seven days ago where the Reddit user asked for advice in staying overnight at her new boyfriend's house. This post pretty much confirmed the Reddit user was talking about III with the information she provided in the post, but it's also where my friends and I concluded that this was most likely an entirely made up situation. This r/dating post literally read like the premise to a fanfiction: recently started dating her brother's older friend, she'd never been in a serious relationship but really likes this guy, he invited her to spend the night, and she has no idea what to expect. People were responding to her post with concern and genuine advice and she was engaging and thanking them and giving them more info.

This all posed two possible major issues: One, if this was real, and III had began dating his friend's little sister, she was posting all of this private information about him and their relationship online in a literal breadcrumb trail for Sleep token fans to find. Two, if this was fake, then what the fuck? What was she getting out of this? Was this some weird IRL Fanfic she was writing for herself, using Reddit as her platform and involving real people who were giving her attention, advice, and genuine concern? Was she trolling in the hopes that somebody in the Sleep Token fandom would be following along? Because that sadly did work.

In a very anticlimactic manner, because I can't explain how, why, where, or who, it was found out that III was not, in fact, dating this person at all. Within half a day of me and my friends finding that out, the Reddit user had deleted her profile. I have no clue if someone reached out to her (nobody in my friend circle did) or if she maybe received the same information about III and was embarrassed by her actions online.

Honestly, for III's sake, I hope that this entire thing was some crazy daydream fantasy of some random girl with absolutely no connections to Sleep Token whatsoever. I hope that it simply blew out of proportion and that III had absolutely no idea about the posts the user was making. Also, for the user's sake, I hope she sticks to ao3, ffn, and similar places for these weird fantasies.

Anyway, yeah. Some people don't know how to behave online and they also need to stop bothering III and stay out of his personal business for god's sake.