#and i love emily and richard too and see their point of their view too i have so many bones to pick with GG but lorelai’s relationship with

[flynniganrider]

every time i see someone saying along the lines of “lorelai is so rude to her parents they’re just trying to build a relationship with and support her” and like oh i see… you guys didn’t grow up with parents who criticized you all the time, made you feel like you have to conceal your identity, berated you even for the littlest mistakes, shouted at you; and were surprised when you grew up to be defensive every time they talk to you because you’re so used to be shouted at, you thought if i get my claws out now i won’t be insulted anymore… i get it. and you also weren’t insulted over and over again because “why are you so angry all the time it’s impossible to have a nice conversation with you” when they were also angry and impossible to have a nice conversation with them, like all the time.

[lavampira]

book recommendations

tysm @winedark and @rosenfey for the tag <:

passing it along to @hythlodaes @scionshtola @coldshrugs @likeabirdinflight @lesbianalicent @veeples @narrativefoiltrope @kirnet @disequilibria @jennystahl @elvves @queenofthieves @weird-ecologies @erielake @verbose-vespertine @solarisrenbeth @onceinabluemoony @queerbrujas @oldblood but ofc no pressure!!

1. the last book I read:

GOTH WESTERN by LIVALI WYLE — well. technically, it’s an indie graphic novel. but it’s a western meets magical realism about necromancy, revenge, and the power of love. and lesbians. I burned through it in a couple hours sitting because I was so gripped by it tbh.

2. a book I recommend:

THE HACIENDA by ISABEL CAÑAS — an absolute all time fave book in my heart; I would say one doesn’t even need to necessarily love horror to get invested in this one, since it also involves very interesting critique of spanish colonialism, religion, and class struggles in post-independence mexico only using hauntings as the lens to view it.

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

THE PRIORY OF THE ORANGE TREE by SAMANTHA SHANNON — I was glued to this book for a solid two weeks despite its length. I have a lot that I would change about the pacing and certain events or qualities of some characters’ outcomes, but it was such a fun fantasy read, and I had a difficult time even moving on from the setting and protagonists once I was done.

4. a book I’ve read twice (or more):

THE SONG OF ACHILLES by MADELINE MILLER — my first time reading this myth retelling was my freshman year of college, so I reread it again ten years later to see if it would still hold up for how much I loved it, and it absolutely did. the perspective of the man standing beside and in love with the hero interwoven with the tragedy of achilles and patroclus takes me right out and the passages that tumblr enjoys to quote from it have so much more impact in the full context of the narrative.

5. a book on my TBR:

OUR WIVES UNDER THE SEA by JULIA ARMFIELD — this poor book keeps getting knocked down on my TBR but I’m determined to read it this year. I’m intrigued by the horror of the protagonist’s wife ‘coming back wrong’ in a sense, and the recommendations based on its similarity to ANNIHILATION, but also the fact it seems to be a wlw scifi horror, too.

6. a book I’ve put down:

AFFINITY by SARAH WATERS — I wanted to like this one so bad, considering how often waters has been hyped up to me as The Author for historical lesbian novels and the fact it delves into victorian spiritualism, but the pacing felt so slow at getting to the point in the plot, and when it finally did, the twist put me off on finishing the end. it’s probably more of a case of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ but I def had to DNF it.

7. a book on my wishlist:

GHOST STATION by S.A. BARNES — space horror quickly became a fave niche genre that I got into last year, so I’ve been very excited for this release, too. I’m also a fan of how barnes writes atmospheric dread and I have high expectations for it.

8. a favorite book from my childhood:

WUTHERING HEIGHTS by EMILY BRONTË — it altered my brain chemistry as a teenager in high school and I haven’t been the same since I read it. I distinctly remember listening to ‘you said I killed you — haunt me then!’ read aloud and having to pretend like it didn’t make me feel so completely unhinged in the middle of class.

9. a book you would give to a friend:

PIRANESI by SUSANNA CLARKE — I was recommended this one by a friend to begin with, so it feels like an even more perfect book to pass forward. I think it’s one of those books that’s easy to get absorbed into even if it’s not a typical genre one would read, and it’s such a life-altering experience to go through with the protagonist, too. the underlying message that we’re all changed by our own trials and we’re never the same as we were before lingers with me.

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

CRUSH by RICHARD SIKEN — it’s taken me so long to finally track down a physical copy at my bookstore but it was worth it because it remains my fave book of poetry to date. I could quote so many lines, after how hard they’ve hit me, and some of them have influenced my own writing or pairings in some ways.

11. a nonfiction book you own:

HAVANA NOCTURNE by T.J. ENGLISH — back in 2015-2016ish I went through a true crime phase in the prohibition era through the foundation of the US mafia, and this is a very informative book on how the mob became tied to cuba and how the revolution affected it.

12. what are you currently reading:

AN EDUCATION IN MALICE by S.T. GIBSON — I stumbled across this retelling of carmilla set in a late 60s massachusetts women’s college after reading gibson’s A DOWRY OF BLOOD and had to give it a try. I’m enjoying it so far; the prose is full of thick emotional yearning and electric chemistry, and the balance in the narrative of toxic mentorship, historical romantic and sensual attraction between women without shaming them for it, and vampiric elements is really fun.

13. what are you planning on reading next:

WHAT FEASTS AT NIGHT by T. KINGFISHER — I only found out the other day that the sequel to WHAT MOVES THE DEAD was even released but I’m so desperate for the next part of alex easton’s story (and how eerily kingfisher writes horror) that it shot up to my next read.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

For PLL: ❤️🧡💕

For Gilmore Girls: ❤️💚💖

Pll

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

I think it’s between Emily and Aria, and they get mischaracterized kind of in the opposite directions yet also some of the same ones. I think general takes on Emily make her out to be more the nice sweet vanilla one when in the show there are times when she’s really prideful and judgemental and has a lot of repressed anger and abandonment/commitment that can come out in a pretty dysfunctional way in her relationships, and there’s a lot there that’s really interesting to explore imo so her being dismissed as the nice sweet one with no interesting flaws can rub me the wrong way, and then with Aria I think there are times when she gets similar treatment but then a lot of the time fans who hate her either acknowledge her actual flaws but exaggerate them x100 and make them the only thing about her or they straight up invent new flaws she does not have rather than explore the interesting ones in canon. I think in general I’ll lean towards Aria because I think hardcore Emily lovers at least tend to have a good handle on her vs not all hardcore Aria lovers are the same way to me, and also I think Aria’s rep from a general audience standpoint as being the most coddled/ having nothing bad happen to her in the show is like. Very warped view of her character and the show lol. I don’t see people saying that about Emily even if they think she’s uninteresting.

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I mean I think Aria as A is a fun idea to explore sometimes and I like exploring her dark side in general, but I don’t think it’s a really plausible theory for the show itself. Aria being on the A team maybe, but not her being A herself operating alone.

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like? 

Defining this as ships that actively get hate rather than rarepairs or ships that are more polarizing … I like Spaleb more than the average viewer for sure, they’re far from otp status but I find them more compelling than any of the other m/f ships.

Gilmore Girls

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

hmm… I’m going to say Emily and Richard I love Emily and really like Richard but a lot of the takes on them as actually the in the right party re: Lorelai and later seasons Rory is :// to me.

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

I feel like in discussions about Rory’s privilege you have her haters who are really un-nuanced about her privilege level and think there is like. Zero difference between how Rory grew up and how Logan or Paris did, and then on the other hand you have her defenders who make valid points about the struggles she did grow up with, but I will say it sometimes really shows when said defenders are white and don’t think about the level of white privilege in things like her treatment in jail the community service, there’s a lot to unpack there and I do think Rory is very much responsible for her choices during that era as much as I am far from a big fan of Logan and prefer Literati to Rogan by a lot I do think when other Rory Stans who are Literati’s try to spin that era as Logan making Rory do everything they don’t like her to be doing it’s a bit infantilizing/taking away her agency and refusing to interact with specific parts of her character. But then I also can’t stand a certain faction of fans who call the female leads of the show out for privilege and white feminism and then hand out cookies left and right to chars like Logan and Christopher for the bare minimum so like, actually discussing how white privilege effects Rory and Lorelai does have an unfortunate slippery slope effect with the wrong kinds of people. This got off topic but basically I think different people are either too critical or not critical enough of Rory re: privilege and types of privilege.

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Are we talking opinion most contrary to general public perception or most unpopular according to tumblr opinions? I’ll try for one that I think could count for both as much as I strongly dislike Rory/Dean as a ship I would not write out the infidelity plot in end of s4/early s5 I think it actually worked really well for Rory’s character… there’s narrative framing stuff that I could’ve gone for changing but that goes into like. Dean’s framing over the course of the show being unduly positive. But basically I do think that plot needed to happen.

Ty!

[maya-matlin]

Pick your most unpopular opinion about each of these shows (only if you want to!!): Degrassi, OTH, Gilmore Girls, Friends, Riverdale, That 70s Show, and Dawson's Creek :)

Degrassi:

This is so difficult because I feel like I've stated so many opinions in the past. Okay. I think the Degrassi nudes arc was theoretically really interesting from a psychological standpoint as well as how a survivor would cope after going through a very public sexual assault trial with the details of what happened to them being well known. Because it feels like something so human and yet so misguided, I don't view Zoe's role in it as harshly as others do. To be fair, the writers lost the plot. Literally. It got really sensationalized with blackmailing and cheerleader dolls and fake hostage situations. I also really hate how it turned into a Zoe vs Frankie situation with zero nuance. Their past involving Frankie being an unsupportive friend who victim blamed Zoe multiple times was never brought up once in lieu of Frankie being turned into Zoe's victim. So while I wouldn't say I like the arc itself, I feel like it had potential. The writers just weren't committed to seeing it through and let Zoe down as a character. The aftermath was really underwhelming and made the whole story line irrelevant.

OTH:

Even though I like the shooting episode for what it is, it's a pretty mediocre depiction of characterizing a school shooter. Following Jimmy's suicide, the writing consistently expects the audience to feel sympathy for him and remember him as a good guy who did one bad thing. It's to the point where the entire school ends up signing his high school yearbook. To be fair, a lot of the Jimmy romanticism came from Mouth, who had weird morals himself considering he was the show's resident incel. But beyond that, Jimmy quickly stops being the villain of the episode to orchestrate a scenario where Dan just happens to stumble upon Keith and a gun, giving him the opportunity to murder him. Also, every other scene features monologues given by the characters that are blatantly trying WAY too hard to be deep and profound. Not to mention this episode marked the official return of romantic Lucas/Peyton, but because Peyton was bleeding and supposedly didn't know any better she can't possibly be held responsible for selfishly making a move on her best friend's boyfriend in what she believed to be her last moments. Sorry, fuck that. Your last moments shouldn't include complicating things for two people you claim to care about. Especially not when you were the one who helped ruin their relationship the first time around, and you know for a fact that your best friend still has trust issues over what happened.

Also, Brooke was the love of Lucas's life. I'll die on this hill. Blame Chad Michael Murray's inability to stop giving his ex-wife heart eyes even during scenes post-Brucas, but it is what it is.

Gilmore Girls:

It's difficult to know what is or isn't popular in the Gilmore Girls fandom. I guess I'll say that Rory dropping out of Yale was the right decision? The way I see it, nothing bad was ever going to come out of that. Rory was in a transitional place where she was questioning a lot of her life decisions. She didn't currently feel up to attending school, so she took some time off. It was completely understandable, yet the narrative insists that this was indicative of Rory going down a bad path. I can understand Lorelai wanting Rory to take some time to make sure this was what she wanted but if anything, Lorelai's overreaction probably made Rory take even more time off from school. Had Rory had her mother and best friend in her corner, maybe she would have realized by the beginning of the next semester that she was emotionally ready to return to Yale. Just.. everything with Lorelai, Richard and Emily feeling as though they could force Rory to go back to school as though she was suddenly going to lose her place and never be able to return was stupid. Out of the two of them, Lorelai was the pettiest and most in the wrong during their estrangement. Lorelai was the parent. Lorelai chose not to tell her daughter she was engaged. Rory shouldn't have ever felt as though she couldn't come home until she basically did everything her mother wanted her to do. Considering Lorelai's own history with Emily, you'd think she'd realize that. But again, the writers made sure we knew how badly Rory was ruining her life and making bad decisions for committing the crime of taking a leave of absence from school and daring to try other things in the meantime.

Friends:

My opinions on the Ross/Rachel infamous "break" are all over the place. Technically, I think Ross is right that their relationship was no longer intact when he slept with another woman. Their communication absolutely sucked during this story line. No attempts at clarification were ever made. Ross just walked out when Rachel said she wanted a break, and Rachel let him. Honestly, I don't even think Ross sleeping with someone else so soon after splitting up from Rachel, in whatever form you consider that to be, makes him an asshole. In an ideal world where everyone makes rational decisions all the time, Ross wouldn't have coped with intense heartbreak by immediately sleeping with someone else. But it was a human reaction, and I don't fault him for that. What I do fault him for is hiding it the next day, running around town trying to stop other people from telling Rachel. It's all but admitting that Ross and Rachel were still emotionally connected and in the mindset of being in a monogamous relationship. Even if they technically weren't. What I also fault him for is being so stubborn and adamant on being right that he never admits fault or owns up to causing Rachel pain for several years after that. So what if he didn't technically betray Rachel? To Rachel, it felt like one. Sometimes, when you love someone, you have to be understanding of the complexities of emotions and just take the fucking L, even if you're technically faultless by definition. And honestly, Rachel was part of the problem, too. What kind of relationship or connection do you really have if you're having the same, obnoxious argument for eight years, never able to get on the same page? Like, I know it's a comedy, but Friends wasn't playing up the comedy angle during this arc. Anyways, they definitely shouldn't have ended up together if they were going to keep getting tripped up over one argument for eight years.

Riverdale:

I don't know how unpopular this actually is, but Veronica is extremely underrated and never gets the love and appreciation she deserves. Looking across the entire series, including time jumps, different universes, and eras where the characters literally had powers, Veronica was consistently the most selfless and considerate character on the show. Half the time, she was the mean girl in name only. There were countless occasions where Veronica forgave even when she shouldn't have and/or should have held out for more remorse and effort from the person that wronged her. The attempt to compare Veronica kissing Ginger Judas in the pilot after knowing Archie and Betty for two seconds to Betty doing it three years into Varchie's relationship is.. it has some nerve. Anyways, Veronica was wonderful, ambitious, and everyone on that show was better for having known her. Sadly, she was underappreciated more often than not, rarely ever getting her due. I really wish anyone but Archie had been the love of her life, because he really didn't deserve her by the end.

That '70s Show:

Sometimes, Hyde gets way too much of a pass for his treatment of Jackie. I feel like he's overall the most popular character on the show with his relationship with Jackie being the most popular, resulting in a lot of his questionable behavior getting swept under the rug. Obviously Hyde had issues he needed to work through stemming from his childhood and struggled to let other people in. But Jackie was consistently a pretty great girlfriend for him, going out of her way to show love and affection, only for him to not 100% reciprocate. Fuck Danny Masterson (and honestly Mila at this point too), but a lot of what made that relationship what it was is the chemistry between Danny and Mila and how they chose to demonstrate the love between those two characters. Hyde was still miles ahead of Kelso and Fez and had great moments with Jackie. But it still needs to be said. Hyde put Jackie through a lot.

Dawson's Creek:

While not perfectly written, most of Andie's fall from grace during season 3 makes a lot of sense. I even think Andie cheating on Pacey was in character. It's a controversial take because no one wants to believe that season 2 Andie would have ever done such a thing. But the reality is, Andie had a literal mental breakdown. She says it herself. When Andie went to get mental health help, she was no longer the same girl Pacey fell in love with. Andie was in a dark, lonely, vulnerable place, and she met someone else. This guy understood parts of Andie's mental health struggles that Pacey couldn't, and it led to a friendship that became an emotional affair. They made their own world together, and then had one, impulsive slip up. It doesn't cheapen Andie's love for Pacey, but it's still understandable that Andie crossed a boundary of Pacey's that couldn't be uncrossed. After this, Andie's attempts to recuperate post-breakup, including her treatment of Pacey and even stealing the test were pretty consistent based on how desperately Andie wanted to appear normal and as though everything was under control. However, I also think early season 3 stacked the deck too far against Andie, resulting in her character leaving the show early. The supposed "false accusation" meant to make Andie look bad from a misogynistic, ableist showrunner took it too far. I personally think even during that episode, there are enough hints, including Rob's desperation to shut Andie's story down when she hadn't even gone to the authorities, indicates she told the truth. Seriously, his happy ass was all cocky when Pacey confronted him, but once he sobered up he practically sprinted to Joey's house to use Andie's mental health against her, even manhandling Joey multiple times to force her to listen. But whatever. The intent was obvious, and I still hated it. Anyways, Andie McPhee was great, and I wish people would still appreciate her at her worst. After all, it's what led to season 4 Andie, probably the strongest iteration of her character even though she sadly wasn't around for long.

[vanillann]

pickup lines without the picking up (spencer reid x reader)

thank you for the request love!

warning: mentions of sex(if you really look into it) and maybe swearing I can't remember

word count: 1.2k

“Hey Spencer, you must be a tower because Eiffel for you.”

“Did you know that the Eiffel Tower has a science lab on the third floor-”

I let my head fall back, hitting on the back of my chair. Morgan and Emily laugh could be heard from somewhere near my desk.

“I actually didn’t know that Spence,” I looked back up at him, his smiling face looking at me.

“It also is covered in scientists name, it’s craved all along the side.”

I smiled to myself, the way his eyes lit up anytime he spoke about something he knew made the annoying feeling in my chest leave.

JJ came speed walking around the corner, in her hand was a case file. I jokily rolled from my chair, placing my hand on my forehead as I laid on the floor.

“Are you okay?”

I opened my eyes to see a worried Spencer Reid standing over me, his hand held out for me to grab.

“Perfect Spence,” I grabbed his hand, that was oddly warm, and watched as he easily pulled me from the floor.

Suddenly his eyebrow drew together closer and he stuck his tongue out the side of this mouth.

“You didn’t actually fall did you?”

I shook my head and his face scrunched up, his face became red.

“You’re getting better at the social cues kid,” Morgan clapped him on the back as he headed up to the roundtable room.

“You actually are, I’m super proud.”

Spencer smiled at me, letting go of my hand and following behind Morgan, whispering something in his ear.

Emily came up behind me and threw her arm over my shoulder, a smirk across her face as we both walked to the room full of profilers.

JJ stood in front of the room, the remote held tightly in her hand. I took my seat in between Spencer and Emily. JJ smashed the button while I opened the hard copy of the case file in front of me.

“Richard Todd was found dead 12 hours ago,” the ID picture flashed across the screen.

“He is the third victim over a 48 hour span, Keaton Grant and Ruben Martin are the other two victims.

“How do we know it’s the same unsub?” Rossi asked while he looked up at JJ.

“Each victim had a cheesy pickup line stapled to their shirt.”

I felt myself drop the file in my lap, the irony of this whole situation had me rolling my eyes.

Morgan chuckling could be heard from the other side of Spencer.

“It’s said that the unsub had seduced the men online and that’s how they know each other.”

“Great,” I mumbled under my breath, watching as JJ looked me over with a twinkle in her eyes.

“He doesn't have much of a cool down period,” Emily spoke beside me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“That’s why we are leaving soon, wheels up in 15.”

Hotch charged out the room, Spencer quickly grabbing the paper from the desk.

“(Y/N), do you want me to get your go-bag from your car?”

I smiled, standing up while I picked up my papers. I felt the team's eyes on me but I tried to ignore it.

“I can get it, don't worry.”

I pulled my key off my belt loop but as soon as I had it in my hand, it was gone. Spencer held it in his hand, a proud smile on his face.

“I think you forgot I’m a magician.”

Without another word Spencer left with my keys sitting in his hand, a skip in his step.

“I’m going to kill you JJ.”

*

I sat in one of the uncomfortable police chairs looking over the crime scene photo tapped to the board.

Spencer walked in the room, another police officer behind him.

Before even thinking about the situation, I looked back down at the file in my lap and started talking.

“Spence, even if there wasn’t gravity on Earth I’d still fall for you.”

“If there wasn’t any gravity then the Earth would quickly break into millions of pieces and float off into space. Also our head would most likely implode due to the fact that the air pressure would increase.”

I heard the female officer behind him giggle, sliding her hand up and down his arm. Spencer looked up at me with begging eyes, pointing his head over to the woman.

“Babe, can you look at this.”

Without another word Spencer ran over to me, mumbling the word ‘thank you’ over and over again. The female officer gave me a thin lipped smile and left the room.

“I didn't realize she was flirting with me until it was too late,” Spencer spoke, looking at the crime scene photos over my shoulder.

“You never realize.”

I felt my cheeks heat up, Spencer moving his head to look me in the eyes.

“What?”

A light “shit” fell from my lips and I looked the other way.

Suddenly JJ came into the room, making eye contact.

“(Y/N), Hotch thinks you should join the Press conference with me.”

I quickly nodded and threw the file on the table. I said nothing to Spencer as I ran from the room, watching the female officer slip in as soon as I was gone.

*

I sat on the back of the ambulance, my head hurting from the but of the unsub gun. I felt an ice be held to my head, I opened my eyes expecting Emily. Once Spencer sad face came in the view, I was glad I had something to blame my red cheeks on.

“How are you feeling?”

I only shrugged, moving my hand so I could hold my own ice pack. Spencer moved and sat beside me.

“Hey (Y/n)?”

I turned to look at Spencer, his eyes trained to the road underneath us.

“Yeah Spencer?”

“R-rose are red, my f-face is too, that only happens when I’m around y-you.”

I felt a roar of fireworks in my stomach, a small light giggle falling past my lips.

“Who told you to say that?”

Spencer ran the tip of his converses on the road, kicking a few rocks in the process.

“Penelope sent me a website full of pick lines.”

I laughed, knowing it’s the same website Penelope had sent me multiple times.

“Do you mean it all?”

Spencer finally looked at me, a sad smile on his face.

“Every time, did you mean that?”

“Yeah, I really do. I don’t steal all the team's keys to get their go-bag, do I?

I laughed, liking the way he gave me a light smirk with the sarcastic comment.

“I just we both aren’t good at this.”

Spencer only smiled, playing with his fingers.

“I know something I am good at,” he said it quietly but I heard him.

“What’s that?”

Without another word Spencer grabbed the back of my head, pulling at my hair slightly. He crashed his lips into mine, his tongue swiping over my bottom lip.

I felt my body pull into this, the warmth felt nice across my cold arms.

I gently pulled away, not moving far just enough to set my forehead on his.

“Excuse me, I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?”

Spencer laughed as he kissed the tip of my nose with a quiet “I thought you never ask”.

cm tag list:

@itsarayofsunshine

[hotchley]

do they even know?

Hi, so it’s still Valentine’s Day somewhere. This is... an exceptionally long fic. All I’m going to say is, I’m exhausted, I haven’t proofread it and I’m living up to my name with this one. I’ll probably come back and update this note in the morning, but right now, I just really want to sleep, so enjoy! 

I’m actually quite proud of this one... do with that what you will

Word Count: 19302

Trigger Warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, stalking, suicide, religious trauma, homophobia, internalized homophobia, slight/implied references to drug addiction, non-consensual photography (hotch is shirtless in the images), past suicidal thoughts

read on ao3!

The first note came to Derek Morgan.

It was Monday morning. Everyone- excluding Penelope and Dave- were hanging around the bullpen, discussing their weekend and wondering what treats Hotch was going to bring for them. Richard had texted the group chat that he wasn't in saying he'd be late that morning because they were going out for breakfast.

Nobody minded. It was about time Hotch let someone love him again. And the team was happy for him. Really, they were. But there was something about the new man in Aaron's life that just felt off. Nobody had said a word to him. They couldn't.

Not when Richard made Aaron laugh and smile the way only Haley and Jack ever had. Or when Aaron never shied away from his touch the way he had with others. So they kept their opinions to themselves and hoped that it was just them being overprotective and pessimistic. That they were just looking out for their leader because he deserved nothing but happiness.

Derek was keeping one eye on the elevator doors, just in case Hotch appeared the next time they opened. He wouldn't tell them off for wasting time and avoiding paperwork- he'd probably be too busy smiling and blushing as a result of whatever had been sent to his phone- but they weren't bad people. They would start their paperwork when he came in to prevent him from becoming more stressed than he already was.

He opened his desk drawer, intending to pull out the soft ball he kept in there for days like these, where there were no cases and a chance to relax and have fun. The look on Reid's face when it hit him in the back of the head would be worth the lecture from Rossi.

Instead, his fingers brushed paper. He frowned and looked down, because this was his desk and nobody on the team ever went through it. He knew how things were organised and he knew that his hand should not be touching paper, it should be touching a soft ball that wouldn't cause any harm if it hit someone.

Heartbeat picking up slightly, he picked it up. There was an envelope. With no name, return address or stamp. Nothing. Just a plain white envelope that, as he held it up to the light, contained a handwritten note. He prayed it was just one of the rookies playing a silly Valentine's joke, but the BAU had never been that lucky.

"What's that?" Emily asked, nodding towards the envelope.

"I'm not sure yet," he said, tearing it open before Reid could launch into a lecture about the various weapons that could have been contained in it.

There was a note. He pulled it out, now fairly certain it was just a joke being played by another agent. He could deal with that. Whoever played it would get bonus points if they left a note for Hotch because that would be funny for him to watch.

He cleared his throat. The writing looked stunning. Perfectly joined together and completely legible. It would make for a good dramatic reading. Before he started, he scanned the words and the paper fell from his hands as quickly as the smile faded from his face.

It was not a love letter.

"Morgan?" JJ prompted.

He picked it up. "It's not good. I think someone may be in danger."

"Danger? Where? Why?" Rossi asked, having chosen that moment to step into the bullpen and pass by their desks. Morgan looked over to the elevators, wondering how things could change so quickly. Moments ago he'd been willing Hotch to not enter because he didn't want to have to start his paperwork. Now he was willing him to not enter because he didn't want to ruin his day with the news of a case.

"Do they even know about how you will run the water as cold as possible to numb yourself in the shower with tears streaming down your face, still dressed in the suits you use as armour just to feel human?" he read out.

"What?" Spencer sounded hurt. Like he couldn't quite believe it.

"I don't- I can't remember the last time I had a cold shower. Or the last time I cried in one. If I need to cry, it's not, I don't do it in the shower," he said. All he wanted to know was who the note was really about, and why it had ended up with him.

"Was there anything else in there?" Emily asked, voice as calm as ever. She was biting her nails though. And she had shifted her body away from the envelope, as though she wanted nothing to do with it.

Derek sighed, then picked up the envelope again. He peered in and saw a photo. The final words written haunted his memory. Because he knew that bathroom. He had stood there and profiled it and he had helped clean the blood when Hotch reopened his stitches accidentally.

"Derek?" Rossi prompted, voice bringing him back to the moment.

He pulled the photograph out and laid it on his desk, closing his eyes for a moment. He searched for that feeling of neutrality and detachment he found every time he felt himself getting too emotional on a case and clung to it. When his heart calmed, he opened his eyes and focused on it.

It was Aaron. Not Hotch. Because Hotch was strong and invulnerable and he did not blink. He was not the man in the photo. The man in the photo was fully dressed, his tie still knotted perfectly and his shirt buttoned to the top. There was a hand pressed to his mouth, probably to stifle the noises escaping and he was soaked to the bone.

"Oh my god," Emily breathed. "Who did this?"

Derek shook his head. He could not tell them what his first thought had been. He could not tell them who the prime suspect in his head was because they would never forgive him. He was struggling to forgive himself for even thinking it. Just because it was the most common event, it did not mean that it was happening this time.

"I hope you're doing your paperwork," Hotch said teasingly, walking through the bullpen with his phone in his hand.

Everyone turned to face him, faces frozen with identical looks of horror and sorrow.

He looked up. "What is it?"

"Hotch," JJ whispered.

"What is it?" he repeated.

"Aaron, we love you. So much," Emily said, voice cracking slightly.

He walked over to their desks. When he looked at Spencer, his eyes were pleading. Spencer sighed and passed the note over, keeping the photo underneath it. Derek had flung it at him to see if he could get any additional information that the rest of them couldn't.

Hotch read it over twice, eyes widening with every word. His hands were trembling as he placed it face-down so nobody could see it, and when he saw the photo, his face hardened. He slammed it down on the table and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Where did that come from?" he asked. The lack of emotion in his voice made Morgan scared. The last time he had been that toneless, George Foyet had stabbed him nine times and torn the former love of his life from him.

Spencer's eyes flicked to his.

"It was in my drawer when I got here," he confessed.

Hotch met his eyes, and for a moment, Derek stupidly feared that he was about to be punched. But then Hotch did something worse. He turned on his heel, having swiped the note and the photo from the desk and shut himself in his office like nothing had happened. Derek remained frozen. His friend had not thrown the things in the bin, so there was still some hope to be had.

Rossi started to walk towards the office.

"Wait," Derek commanded. Everyone stared at him and his mouth opened and closed of its own accord. He wasn't Aaron's best friend. Dave was the one that made those decisions. Not him. He stood to the side and he watched, ready to stop Hotch from going too far, but he did not comfort him. 

"You know what he's like. If you go in there now, he will be confrontational. He'll probably rip up the note and shred the photo and then we won't have anything. Let him come down and get a coffee. Then one of us can go."

Dave did not verbally acknowledge him and Derek thought that he was just going to be ignored. But he wasn't. Dave headed straight past Aaron's office and entered his own, closing the door with the same amount of force he always used. Through the blinds, Derek saw Aaron look up slightly. Like he couldn't quite believe nobody had said anything.

JJ and Emily went out for lunch. Spencer went down to Penelope's lair. Dave went to the bathroom and Derek took a chance. He wasn't going to let the man he had always viewed as a friend shy away from this. Nor was he going to let him shut down and pull away.

He didn't knock. He never did. Hotch didn't even look up. 

"You need to tell us when you're going home," he said.

Hotch looked up. There was a fury in his eyes that would've had any other member of the BAU backing down. But what Hotch forgot was that Morgan was not any other member. It was him, not Dave and certainly not Emily, that had pulled him off George Foyet's dead body and seen both the fear and the anger. He wasn't scared.

"Why would I need to do that?" Hotch asked, completely nonchalant.

"Because somebody out there has a photo of you crying in the shower. That's not normal. That means they were in your house and you didn't realise. And they've been watching you for long enough to understand that what's happening there- it's a common occurrence. You're not safe."

"Was I ever safe?" Hotch said, smiling without any humour.

Morgan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Look man. We don't need to talk about that if you don't want to. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. But we do need to talk about you staying safe. Because if you go home without someone, who knows what's going to happen. And what if something happens to Jack? Or Richard?"

Mentioning his son and partner was a risky move, but it needed to be done. Because he needed Hotch to understand how reckless he was being. Morgan was not Rossi. He would not push Aaron to discuss his emotions or his feelings, but he would push him to see sense.

"Do not make this about them," Hotch snapped.

"I'm not. I'm being responsible. You cannot be going home alone because it is far too risky, and that photo on your desk means it's someone that has been watching you for a while. How many cases involving stalkers have we worked? It is always, always the moment where they think they're safe that something goes wrong," Morgan pleaded.

"I'm not a victim."

"No. You're not. You never have been. But that is not just the standard threat. That is intimate and that is serious and that is dangerous. Let someone take you home. Let me get officers deployed to your apartment. If not for your sake, then do it so Jack-"

"Finish that sentence and I will write you up for insubordination," Hotch said.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Fine. Have it your way. But do not try and blame anybody else if something happens to you. Or Richard. Or Jack. Because I tried. You were the one that wasn't willing to cooperate. Remember that."

Morgan slammed the door with unnecessary force, then rested his head against it for a few moments, wondering what Hotch's problem was. He wasn't being himself. When it became clear that Foyet must have been watching him for months, he just took it. He let everyone do whatever they needed because at the end of the day, it wasn't for him. He already had the scars. It was for everyone else, so they could feel less guilty.

But this was to protect him. To save him. And that was the problem. Hotch did not want the team to see him become Aaron. He did not want to show vulnerability because he had already been exposed. Morgan had not allowed himself to think about the actual content of the envelope because it would distract him too much.

He could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Aaron cry, and with the exception of Dave, he'd been working with him for the longest. For a complete stranger to have that photo, it was no wonder he was being so defensive.

Morgan felt terrible. He really did. But he also knew there was nothing he could say or do to make Hotch feel better. So as much as it pained him to do so, he let go of the door handle and went and sat back down. Worked through his paperwork like everything was fine.

And when Aaron left at five exactly, his unfinished paperwork neatly organised for the next morning because Richard was making dinner for the three of them and he was learning balance, Derek bit his tongue and didn't say anything.

Aaron Hotchner went home, kissed his son on the forehead and his partner on the mouth. He smiled at them, told them the abridged version of his day- obviously removing the part about the photos- and picked at his dinner. Richard noticed and got Jack ready for bed himself. Jack seemed to realise something was up and was unusually compliant.

Richard told Aaron to take a shower when he entered the dining room and saw Aaron still hadn't finished his dinner, even though he had given Jack a bath and put him to bed. Aaron just nodded, taking a moment to appreciate how the light created a halo over his blonde hair.

When he exited in his pajamas, Richard was lying on the bed, reading from Aaron's copy of Pride and Prejudice.

"So is everything okay?" he asked as Aaron climbed in, dog-earing the page.

"Mhm," Aaron said. His gaze was fixed on his blazer, where it felt like the note and photo he'd taken from Morgan were burning a hole in the pocket.

"Aar. Look at me," Richard coaxed.

Brown eyes met blue and Aaron felt tears forming in his eyes. Morgan had been right. He had been stupid to reject the help. Richard loved him, even with all of his rough edges and broken pieces. 

Richard patted his chest, encouraging Aaron to rest his head there and listen to the steady thump of his heart. When Aaron started to relax, he picked up the book again, and started to read, even though his accents were terrible.

They fell asleep like that. Richard's last thought was of how much he loved Aaron. Aaron's last thought was that there were several people with handwriting like his. He hadn't been home that afternoon when the photo had been taken. It was a coincidence.

It was all a coincidence.

The second note came to Jennifer Jareau.

It was Tuesday afternoon. She had gone to the local coffee shop to get herself some lunch and a coffee because Hotch was in a meeting and hadn't made a fresh pot, and in her rush to get Henry to school on time, she'd left her own lunch at home.

The man in front of her- she hadn't caught his appearance- had taken an awfully long time doing something, so she had rushed back to Quantico, coffee in one hand, bag containing her bagel in the other. They were all going to try and work out where the note and photo had come from by making a list of people that may have known.

So far, there was only one name. Richard. Nobody had wanted to admit it, but they had all suspected Richard first. How many times had it been the partner that nobody had trusted but had refused to say anything about?

She raced to the bullpen, not caring when part of her coffee splashed onto her shirt. It wasn't one she particularly cared about and she kept a cardigan in her office for that precise reason. Besides, there was only so long Strauss could keep Hotch. He didn't believe they had a case. He didn't know they were going behind his back like this.

It felt wrong. It felt like the days of George Foyet, when they had created a second group chat- one without him- to discuss whether or not he had lied on psychological evaluation, when he had last eaten, if he was going to make it. What they were meant to do if he didn't. She didn't ever want to experience anything like that again.

Which was why they needed to find the unsub and stop them.

"Hey," she greeted as she sat down. A quick look up told her that Hotch was still in his meeting. A quick look down told her that they hadn't come up with any other suspects. She was contemplating saying Jessica- just so they could feel like they had accomplished something but she also knew that was stupid. 

And so the list remained a death sentence for whoever got caught with it.

"Everything okay? You seemed to take longer than usual," Emily said.

She swivelled around to see the clock and realised that she had. "Oh yeah, it was fine. Just the person in front was doing something that was all. I think it was to do with gift cards, I saw him take one off the thing."

Spencer smiled at that. "You know, gift cards are actually good presents. It saves both of you the trouble of having to make a proper choice."

She raised her eyebrows, then opened the bag with her food in it. There was an envelope inside. Slightly confused, she pulled it out of the bag. And then it hit her. It was the same one the gift cards came in. She smiled, holding it up for everyone else to see.

"No way," Penelope gasped. "The man in front of you just got you a gift card? Without even knowing who you were?"

JJ shrugged. "I guess so. That's quite sweet of them. I just assumed it was going to be a Valentine's gift. Which reminds me, I do actually need to get a move on and find something for Will. We've only got until Sunday."

Morgan laughed slightly. "Open it then. Maybe he's actually an admirer."

JJ whacked him lightly, but tore the envelope open. "It came with a note! Maybe they're doing this for random people. I hope they are, because that'll be so good. And if there's contact information, I could say thank you."

She pulled out the note, and put the envelope down, completely missing the second thing that had always been folded to fit in.

"Do they even know-" she began, then froze. Derek's mouth formed a thin line. Spencer's jaw dropped slightly. Penelope and Dave, who had not been there when the first note was opened looked at each other. Emily closed her eyes.

JJ cleared her throat. She needed to do this. "Do they even know about how most nights, you wake up screaming and crying and kicking about and that one day, the school phoned because Jack fell asleep in his lesson and they needed to know whether or not he was okay?"

She couldn't do this. She wasn't meant to look at her friend and see him that broken. But this note had been delivered to her. It was meant to hurt her the most. Because she was the mother of the team. What their unsub did not realise was that a child did not need to be biologically related to you for you to love them enough to die for them. 

Still, she would not ask them to look at the photo for her. She would not let their unsub beat. Not this time.

She took it out, hating that she had to unfold it to see what it was. It just made it so much worse.

Aaron. Sat up in bed, hair a mess and falling onto his forehead in messy bangs that could only be tamed come morning and with an obscene amount of hair gel. If she focused on that and only that, she could pretend it was a candid photo taken by Richard because he loved Aaron just as much as they did.

But it was impossible to only focus on that. His face was deathly pale, mouth parted in shock. When she looked closer, she could see the drying tear tracks on his face. Whatever he'd been dreaming out had been bad. He was wearing Richard's college shirt, but it was damp and sticking to his body.

Richard was noticeably absent.

"JJ?" Emily coaxed.

She laid it down the same way Morgan had. "Look at the angle. And look at what's missing," she said. 

"What?" Rossi asked. He didn't understand what she was on about.

"It's been taken from the doorway. Meaning whoever took it would've been in the apartment. We've already ruled out Jessica. It can't have been Jack. Which means, it must have been Richard," she said.

Derek groaned. "We can't even do anything. All he's done is send us some photos and a couple of Hotch's secrets."

"I don't get why though," Penelope said suddenly.

Everyone turned to face her and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Sweet thing?" Derek encouraged.

"We all know Hotch struggles with emotions. The fact that he's crying is technically a good thing. It's a healthy coping mechanism. It's not healthy the way he does it or how much he bottles the rest of them up, but I don't care about that. And we all know he's a good father who is doing his best. One phone call… we aren't going to judge him."

"But it's not about us. It's about him. This is an invasion of his privacy. This makes him human and weak and vulnerable. And he hates it. Whoever it is, they know him. They know him very well. And I hate to be that person, but more and more signs are pointing to Richard," Emily said.

They lapsed into silence after that. JJ knew she was going to have to tell him, but she had no idea how to word it. Derek had texted him in the evening, explaining what had happened when the suggestion of an escort had been made.

"Wait. You got this stuff from the coffee shop, right?" Penelope asked.

JJ nodded, still staring at the note. She really did not want to tell Hotch. He already thought he was failing Jack by taking his mother from him and by not being there for every milestone. If he found out that they knew about this, it would break him. She had no idea how he would have explained that. Probably by lying. Claiming that there had just been difficulties sleeping that particular night, but it wouldn't happen again. 

He probably didn't listen when they told him it was okay and he was doing fine. Hell, he probably got in the shower and cried because of how bad he thought he was. Knowing that they knew would break him. And she wasn't sure she was strong enough to piece him back together.

"I'm going to check every security camera within the radius to see whether or not I can find something on this bastard. Even if it's the colour of his hoodie," Penelope said with conviction, before shuffling off to her lair.

"It'd be more than we've got now. Reid, Prentiss, go down there and see if any of the baristas or other customers can remember any other details," Rossi said.

The two of them nodded, then vanished.

"I have a meeting with Strauss as soon as her and Aaron are done. Are the two of you going to be okay on your own?"

JJ nodded. Morgan verbalised his faith in the two of them, and Rossi gave them both a slight smile before heading up to his own office. JJ started fiddling with her ring. It was better than biting her nails. Until they got an update from the rest of the team, there was nothing they could do but wait.

Her bagel remained uneaten and she pushed it away. In a morbid way, the photo of Hotch mesmerised her. If she looked at it like a piece of artwork, she would find beauty in the way somebody could look so young and vulnerable, but have such large demons hiding behind the softness of their eyes. But it was not a piece of art. It was her friend.

"You'll be okay," Derek said.

"No inter-team profiling," she joked, but it fell flat. All they had done that day was profile Hotch.

Derek managed to smile at her. "Not profiling you. Just reminding you. He's defensive at the moment, but it'll be okay. Just be honest."

She nodded. 

Reid and Prentiss couldn't get any information from the barista. She said the man had been completely average, but because of the lunchtime rush, the only thing she remembered about him was a grey hoodie. The cameras inside the shop did not work.

Garcia hadn't been able to find anything or anyone that could have potentially been their unsub, but she was determined to find something, so she widened her search. She also started digging into Hotch's past, but she wasn't about to tell anyone that. They'd try and stop her, but it was all going to be very low-level stuff. 

Hotch was not a victim.

He finished his meeting and returned to his office moments after Prentiss and Reid returned to the bullpen. JJ gave him all of thirty seconds before she scooped the items on her desk up and knocked twice before entering.

She knew she didn't need to, but it had always felt wrong, just barging in.

"Hi JJ," he said, the soft smile he reserved for her creeping onto his face. It broke her heart, but she couldn't entertain the small talk or simple conversation.

"This was in the bag I got from the cafe today. Came nicely folded in a gift card envelope. Prentiss and Reid have already spoken to the baristas, Garcia's widening her search as we speak," she said.

Hotch frowned, but took the items. When he read the note, he cringed, the memory still uncomfortable, even a year later. The photo made him swallow, and if he hadn't already been sitting down, his knees would've buckled. He'd never seen himself look so weak or pathetic. Bile rose in the back of his throat as he realised that everyone on the team would've found out about his failures as a parent. As a father. And as a person.

“This doesn’t change anything. Do you hear me? It doesn’t change my opinion of you, or how much I trust you. You’re doing your best. That’s good enough for all of us. You’re a good parent,” she blurted out, needing him to know.

"JJ," he started, when he realised there was a third page under the photo. With a slight frown, he switched to it. The side he saw was blank. 

Which meant JJ could see Richard's name, clearly written in her own handwriting. She clenched her fists, trying to come up with a reason to yank it from him. Below, she heard a mug drop and saw that Emily had dropped her coffee as she watched them. When Hotch followed her gaze, Emily was on her knees, sweeping it up. It would have been the perfect moment to grab it, but she hesitated for too long and he turned it over.

He turned it over and he saw his boyfriend's name written in Jennifer's handwriting. It could only mean one thing.

"I can't believe you," he whispered.

"Hotch," she began. But was what she meant to say? She wouldn't lie to him. Not about this.

"Tell me this isn't what I think it is," he pleaded.

She looked down.

"Tell me your list of suspects, that you have made behind my back because I told you to not look into this because it's nothing, is not my partner and only my partner. Tell me this is something like your list of people that you're meant to protect."

"Hotch, I can't do that without lying. You know that," she said, meeting his eyes. He deserved that much.

He scoffed. "I'm- I'm taking an early day. Unless we get a case- a real case, with real victims- or Strauss needs something urgently, please don't try and text me. I can't look at you, any of you, right now."

"Aaron," she tried. Because he needed to understand. Writing Richard's name hadn't been easy. But it had to be done. He was the only option. Nothing else made sense.

"I remember that day. Richard was on a business trip. When I phoned him, god only knows how early, because I needed to hear him, I didn't even hesitate. He was on the next flight out. Do you want to know why? Because he loves me. And he is good. Far too good to ever been associated with anyone else," Hotch said, words blurring together as he got more and more defensive.

JJ stepped back. "But Hotch-"

"Jennifer, not now. I need to go before I say something I can't take back and we both get hurt," he said.

He never called her Jennifer. Not even when, in her own moment of anger, she had blamed him for every tragedy that had ever befallen the team. And that was what made her stand to the side as he took his briefcase and fled.

Aaron picked Jack up from school. He needed to know something. They were a few blocks from the apartment when finally had the courage to ask. It was stupid of him, to be so hesitant. What kind of answer was he expecting? But if his childhood had taught him one thing, it was that the scariest monsters were the ones that looked like family.

"Jack?" he asked.

"Yeah," came the reply from the back-seat. Aaron looked in the mirror to see his facial expressions properly.

"How does Richard make you feel?" he asked. His intention had been to ask it in a much simpler way. Jack was still just a kid. Just because he knew how to say no and what to do if someone made him uncomfortable- and Hotch still needed to hear from Jessica that he'd made the right decision doing that- didn't mean that he could explain his feelings with the same complexity as an adult.

"Daddy?"

"Sorry, sorry. You know how you feel around me and Aunt Jessie?"

"Yeah! Like everything is good and I can do anything I want!" 

Hotch smiled. "See, that feeling is safe. It means you're comfortable. And do you remember how you felt that day with Mommy? When the bad man was in the house?"

Jack's smile faded. "That wasn't good. I felt strange. And not nice."

"I know buddy, I know. That's why I'm asking you about Richard. Does he make you feel like that day with Mommy, when you're with me and Aunt Jessie or somewhere in between? You can think about it for a bit."

"I feel like I did with Mommy. But not when the bad man was there. All the other times. And with you. And Aunt Jess. Does this mean he's going to carry on staying with us? Because I like his mac and cheese," Jack said.

Having arrived at the apartment, Hotch put the car in park and wiped away a tear, making sure Jack didn't see. He didn't have the energy to teach him about different emotions.

"Yeah bud. It does. But I need you to promise me something okay?" he said as he undid the seatbelt and took Jack's school bag for him.

"Okay Daddy," Jack said.

"I need you to promise me that if Richard ever makes you feel weird, or not safe, that you tell me. I don't care what he says, you tell me. I won't be angry. I will be so proud of you for telling me. Okay?" he didn't know if that was the right thing to do, but he didn't know what else to do.

"Okay."

Hotch sighed, wondering when the world made him so distrustful of everyone. He told himself the team were just being paranoid. It didn't stop him from noticing how silent the key was, or from realising that if someone was stood at a specific angle, they could photograph the bedroom without being spotted.

He put Richard's college shirt into the wash, even though it had hardly been worn, and slipped into his own Harvard one. And then he let the man hold him, breathing in and out as evenly as he could when yet another nightmare tore him from his sleep.

The third note came to Penelope Garcia.

It was Wednesday.

From what she understood, Hotch hadn't spoken to a single team member beyond basic politeness when absolutely necessary. She hated it. She wanted him to forgive them all, and she wanted everything to stop, and she wanted him to just be happy and loved.

Even though she hadn't said anything at the time, she couldn't quite bring herself to believe that Richard was a valid suspect. Just because the photos and information suggested that he was guilty didn't mean anything. They'd seen people be framed all the time. And it didn't make logical sense: he'd been on a business trip on the date of the second photo.

The emotional part of her brain didn't want it to be Richard because she needed to believe that there were still good people. She did not want to lose her goodness or her grace or her faith in love and kindness because without it, she would become bitter and angry. She would not allow that to happen.

So she had put a pause on the digging. None of the security cameras had given her the footage she needed, and digging through Hotch's personal life, trying to work out if there had been any other relationships before Richard that they just hadn't known about, suddenly felt too invasive after JJ knocked and told her Hotch had left.

JJ had cried in her office. Garcia had comforted her, wondering whether finding out the source of the photos was worth the destruction. Hotch clearly didn't want them digging, and no amount of voicemails or texts assuring him that it didn't matter, that they didn't judge him and it was all okay, were helping him accept the situation.

She stopped calling after her fifth voicemail. She had left one in the morning, apologising yet again for what JJ had said and also to inform him that she would respect his wishes and stop digging. She promised him. And she would not break that promise unless it was a matter of life and death.

Which was how she found herself printing approval forms. The transcripts for the interrogations conducted over the past few cases had all been done, and most of the files that needed updating had been. It was a change of pace, spending the day doing admin and mind-numbing tasks, but she found herself enjoying it. At least she didn't have to keep looking at how horrible people were.

A sudden silence jerked her from her thoughts and caused her to put down the hat she was crocheting for Hotch. She knew the weather was going to start picking up soon, but it wouldn't hurt for him to have a spare one. Maybe it would stop the ear infections he always seemed to have.

She leant forward in her chair. The printer was jammed. She sighed and stood up, deciding that the next thing she would ask for would be a new printer that actually worked. Honestly, she had turned it off when she went to get her lunch and now it was broken. If her forms had been ruined, or creased, she was going to be very annoyed because she had formatted them perfectly and all her hard work would be ruined because she would have to do it again.

When she checked the paper, nothing seemed to be jammed. She frowned. The ink cartridge wasn't jammed either. For a moment, she considered just turning the printer off and on again and hoping for the best. But something stopped her from doing that and she opened the paper tray again. Something seemed wrong.

She lifted the top sheet.

An envelope laid underneath it, far back enough to cause a jam. She hadn't picked up on it the first time because it was the same shade as the paper so it completely blended in. Even though she knew what it must have been, she hesitated. Maybe it was best to leave it there and have someone else come and get it. Maybe she should give it directly to Hotch and let him make that judgment call.

No. The notes they had been left were all designed to attack the thing that would hurt the most. Morgan's note came after Hotch's emotions, something he had always wanted to help with but never been able to say. JJ's note spoke about Hotch's ability as a father, and she was someone that constantly worried she couldn't be a good mother if she carried on working with the team. She needed to look at the note first. And there was no way she would give it to Hotch before she did that. They would never know what it said or who was in danger if she did.

Morgan and JJ had been hesitant with the way they opened theirs. But she was used to opening things and being greeted with horror. She held her breath, sliced it open using a pair of scissors and immediately shook out the contents.

And suddenly, she just wanted Derek to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to work out and they would win again. Because with Derek, she did not need to be strong. With Derek, she could break down and say that her faith in humanity was fading so she needed him to be right there with her.

He was an elevator ride away. But she didn't want everyone knowing. Not when she was so close to falling apart.

It only took one ring for him to pick up.

"Well hello my gorgeous goddess," he said.

"I need you to come down to my lair right now. Don't bring anyone. I got my note," she said.

His tone changed immediately. "I'll be right there. And Penny?"

She sniffled. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," she said, and hung up. The note seemed to be taunting her, but she resisted the urge to read it. She had to wait for Derek or she would do something she would regret.

Only moments later, he knocked on her door. She knew it was him. Each member of the team had a specific knock pattern, and Derek was the only one that only ever knocked once. She took a deep breath and let him in.

"Have you read it?" he asked, taking the seat next to hers.

She shook her head. "I was waiting for you. I just couldn't do it alone and I didn't want to know, but I need to, and all I wanted was for someone to be here, even though I know how time sensitive these things can be," she rambled.

"Garcia. You don't ever have to justify yourself to me. Okay?"

Garcia exhaled, then nodded. "Okay."

"Are you sure you're good to read it? I don't mind, if you don't want to."

"I'm sure." She picked both the note and the photo up because she didn't want to accidentally see the photo before the note. "Do they even know how weak your knees get when darling Richard presses a kiss to the side of your neck?"

It was morbid, but a slight spark of hope ignited in her heart. Maybe they would be able to prove that it wasn't Richard. She passed the note to Derek, who seemed disgusted that somebody would make that comment, and stared at the photo.

Richard and Hotch seemed to stare up at her, with matching smiles. There was a slight blush dusting Hotch's cheeks, and Richard's head was buried in Aaron's shoulder, likely pressing a kiss to his neck, weakening his knees and unknowingly giving their unsub more fuel. They were on a date, so blissfully unaware how downhill things could and would go.

"Baby girl?" Derek asked.

"Richard's in the photo. Look," she said.

Morgan frowned but took the photo. It made his heart clench. He missed seeing Hotch smile so freely. He missed the Hotch that had existed before Gideon left and placed the weight of the team on his shoulders. Richard had returned a little bit of that man to them, and now it seemed like he too was at risk. But something still felt off.

"This wasn't taken by either of them, was it?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Does this mean we can stop suspecting Richard? If he's in this photo, that means he can't have taken it. Not from the angle it's at. And if he didn't do this one, then he can't have done the others. It just wouldn't make sense."

Derek hesitated. "Penny, I wish I could give you a solid answer. But there's still a chance it's him. I know what this makes it seem impossible, but until we're sure, we need to proceed with caution. Okay?"

"Okay. Derek, I just want him to be happy."

Derek sighed. "I know princess. So do I. He needs to know about this one. Do you want me to take it up to him? Now that it's clear whoever is doing this knows about Richard he's probably going to be even more tense."

"It's okay. I'll do it. I might ask him to come down here though. Maybe it'll be easier to get through to him if he doesn't feel like everyone is profiling him through the blinds," she said, voice quieter and more hopeless than he'd ever heard.

"Maybe," he said. He wished he could say more.

"Derek?"

"Yeah sweetness?"

"Does Hotch really think we're going to stop trusting him and look at him differently or like he's a bad person just because one unsub is revealing information about him? Because I've been trying to work out why he seems so tense and angry. It's because of that, isn't it?"

"Partially. I guess the other part is the forced vulnerability. Hotch clings to control in his job because outside of it, everything is unpredictable. For the information that's come to just be used against him like this is terrifying. And those first two photos came from his apartment. Where Jack is. He already had that home taken from him once, I'm not sure he can do it again."

Penelope looked down at the photo again. "I am."

"And that is why I love you," Derek said, kissing her forehead before taking his leave. When he returned to the bullpen, he told Emily and Spencer about the note. They were planning ways to subtly inform JJ and Rossi without Hotch realising what they were doing when Hotch walked down the stairs and into the elevator. He didn't look at any of them.

All of their phones pinged. Garcia had texted the group chat saying she was about to tell him about the note, and that she'd update when he left, so long as they did the same throughout the day. Everyone immediately agreed. Derek didn't want to think about how, if he scrolled up the smallest amount, messages from the weeks and months following Haley's death would be the only thing there.

Garcia hadn't told Hotch there was a note. It wasn't the kind of thing she could word in a text. She just messaged him saying that there was something she needed him for. The last message he'd sent her had technically been from Richard, saying thank you because she had driven Hotch home when he hurt his wrist. 

Hotch's knocking pattern was two successive knocks, a short pause and then a single knock. When Garcia heard it, she sighed, then called out for him to come in. Hotch entered, looking mildly terrified and extremely out of place amongst all the colour and brightness.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

Penelope shook her head, directing him to sit down. He did, and she handed him the envelope. He looked at her, the pain he had tried to hide from JJ and Morgan written all over his face.

"I'm so sorry. I have no idea who it was. All I know is that I left to eat my lunch with the others and when I came back, I was trying to print some forms, because I listened to what you said about this and I wanted to respect that. And then the paper jammed, and that's when I found it."

Hotch put the envelope to one side, and he took Garcia's hands, absent-mindedly playing with the bracelets and rings. Her hands were calloused, but not in the way his were. Her hands were calloused from the keyboard she used like magic, his because of the gun that still sometimes trembled.

"I want your honest opinion Penelope. Can you promise me that no matter how much you may not want to, you'll be honest with me?" he asked.

It was such a strange question for the moment that she had to take a moment to process exactly what it was that was being asked of her. When it finally made sense, she nodded. Hotch rarely asked things of her outside of the standard information they needed on cases. To ask for anything would've been difficult. The least she could do was give it to him.

"Of course I will," she said.

"Do you really think Richard is a suspect?"

"No. I didn't think that yesterday and I can't think that now," she said.

"You can't?"

"Oh sir. I think you need to see the note."

Hotch looked slightly suspicious as he opened it. The colour rose to his cheeks as he read what had been said and then his face completely drained of it all when he saw the photo.

"Sir?"

"This is now an active case. JJ's note is on my desk, Morgan's is in my drawer. You can dig into whatever you need to, whether it's my file, Richard's social media and bank statements, all of it. He can't know, not yet, but I need you to start digging. I'll tell the rest of the team as well," he said.

"Hotch," Garcia started. She would be the first to admit that she ruled with her heart not her head, but Hotch didn't. For him to go from a complete lack of interest in the notes to making it into a case over the space of a day was jarring. 

"This person knows about Richard. They know. And the last time an unsub knew about my family…" he trailed off. He didn't need to tell her. She had heard the phone call. In fact, she had been sitting where he was when the shots rang out.

"I know. But that's not going to happen. Not this time. So let's go bring this bastard down," she said, picking up her laptop and moving towards the door. When she opened it, she turned back around, to see that he hadn't even moved from his chair. "Sir?"

"How are you that confident it isn't Richard? You said that even yesterday, you weren't convinced. Why not?"

"Because sir, I choose to believe that anyone that makes you as happy as he does is too good to ever be like the people we hunt down."

Hotch smiled, despite everything, and followed her back up.

By the time they all needed to go home for one reason or another, they were no closer to finding out anything. Hotch was tired and emotionally drained. As he unlocked the door, he could hear Jack laughing and Richard pretending to be whatever creature was required of him.

Hotch gave him a hug. Richard seemed to realise it had been another difficult day and didn't push for details. When they went to bed, Aaron tackled him onto the bed and buried his head in Richard's neck, muffling his words and hiding his face from view.

"Do you promise that you still love me?" he asked. He wasn't about to admit they'd been digging into his past, not when there was nothing to show for it, but he still needed the confirmation that when he got home in the evening, Richard and Jack would still be there.

"I promise Aar," Richard said, running his hands through Aaron's hair, causing it to become even messier. Aaron relaxed against him, completely unaware that Richard was smirking at him.

The fourth note came to Spencer Reid.

It was Thursday, the weird time between sunset and proper nightfall. Even though they had been working without pausing since the day before, they were no closer to finding who exactly was their targeting their unit chief.

They hadn't even finished their list of suspects, or worked out who would know everything that had been mentioned in the notes. Apart from Richard. But everyone was refraining from mentioning his name, unless they were talking about ways to protect him, even though it was clear Derek and Emily still weren't convinced.

Neither were JJ and Reid, but they were doing a better job of covering it up.

Hotch was on edge. He didn't seem to care about the first two notes, even though both of the photos linked to them had been taken inside his apartment. He only cared about the third one, and was doing everything he could to gain any sort of information that would help them with it.

Because he was refusing to phone Richard and tell him what was going on, the information they could find was very limited. His refusal had irritated Dave and even Morgan was getting fed up with playing peacekeeper for everyone. 

The only good thing that had happened was Strauss redistributing their cases and paperwork to the other teams, so they could work on Hotch's case unhindered. But Reid almost wished she hadn't, because then at least they could have worked on consults or had some kind of paperwork that allowed them to feel like they were doing something useful.

Even though his memory meant he could quote all three notes word for word without hesitation- something he was sure the other members of the team were going to be able to do if they kept reading the notes they were- he found himself staring at the first one again.

It must have been somebody with access to the building, because that was where Derek and Penelope had found theirs. But then whoever it was would have also been able to get to the cafe without JJ realising it was someone in their building. And Garcia had checked the sign-out records. There wasn't anybody.

Which meant everything was pointing to Richard having snuck in with a generic visitor's pass, but he was present in the third picture, and Hotch had provided him with alibis for the first two incidents. So somebody was targeting both of them, but they couldn't find any bad history with Richard's exes, and Haley was dead.

He hated dead ends. He liked working on cases because it was like putting a puzzle together, but nothing about their current situation made any sense, and none of the pieces they had would fit together nicely and the way they were supposed to.

"We should take a five minute break," Rossi said.

Everybody else threw their files down, relieved that it had been him that had suggested the break because they all needed one but they weren't about to call one. Hotch kept flicking through the timeline they'd created with a frown as he tried to match up where various people had been at various times.

"Aaron," Dave said, tone turning slightly harsher.

"I'll be two minutes," Aaron said.

Dave sighed. "Well I'm going to stretch my legs. Would anybody like to join me?" 

JJ and Emily immediately leapt out of their seats and started to go with him. Hotch watched them leave with a slight shake of his head, well aware that they were just going to talk about him. Morgan and Garcia also decided to take a walk, just around the building.

Which left Reid with Hotch. He didn't mind. The two of them had always worked well together because Hotch usually just let Reid do things the way he liked and thought was best, even if it wasn't always the norm, and Reid wasn't like Rossi or Morgan so his offers of food or suggestion of a break were rooted in the science, rather than the belief that he was falling apart.

"Reid, you should take a break," Hotch said, without even looking up.

"I'll take one if you take one," Reid fired back and Hotch made a mental note to never let him and Prentiss go to a crime scene together ever again. She was a bad influence on him. But he also knew that Reid usually always meant what he said. And because he really couldn't have agents passing out on him, he set the file down and sat with his head resting on his palms.

"I'm taking one so come on," Hotch said.

Reid put his pen down and pulled his book out of his bag. When he turned it to the page he'd left off at, something fell out. Him and Hotch both looked down, and Reid realised why it had seemed familiar. It was the same envelope that the letters he wrote to his mother were sent in.

Hotch picked it up and placed it in Reid's hands. "Open it. Whoever sent it meant for it to go to you. And if we assume that they're still watching us now, then you not opening it will cause something bad."

Was it wrong to play on Reid's goodness because he didn't want to open the envelope? Probably. But fear, much like anger and love, did strange things to people.

Reid swallowed, and for a moment, when Hotch looked at him, he was the same boy who had been terrified of doing an interrogation alone. But he'd stopped being that boy years ago, and he had grown into the man that was still good and kind but who had also realised that he deserved so much more than he had been given.

"Do you want me to wait for everyone else to come back?" he asked.

Hotch shook his head. "In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't."

Reid opened the envelope using the opener he kept in his desk drawer. The action made Hotch smile. Even with something like this, he was careful. Reid didn't need any form of prompting. He just read the note out, without any sort of tone change or emotion. For that, Hotch was grateful. Reid knew what he needed: distance, even if it was only in his head.

"Do they even know that sometimes you stand in the mirror staring at the scars left by your demons because you need to understand why they let you live and all the other good people, like Eliza and Haley die?"

Reid passed the note to Hotch, who stared at it like it held the key to everything he had ever wanted. It had been so long since he'd heard or even read the name Eliza. The fact that somebody out there knew about that made him sick to his stomach. But it also gave him an idea.

"Who is Eliza?" Reid asked.

"My mother. She died my first year of law school. It's why I graduated later. I know you've all always wondered about that," he explained.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago. What is the photo?"

Reid pulled it out of the envelope, holding his breath, even though he could already form an image of what it was going to be. Whoever their unsub was, they weren't creative. His suspicions were mostly right. Because the photo did indeed show Hotch stood in front of a mirror with only a towel wrapped around his hips.

But it was not the nine precise scars on his torso that Reid found himself staring at. It was the mess on his back. Most of them had faded to silver lines that could only be seen as a result of the closeness and quality of the image, but some of them hadn't. They were still as red and angry as the marks left by Foyet.

Reid felt his vision begin to blur as tears filled his eyes. He turned to Hotch, who was looking at the photo with a neutrality that could only be gained through years and years of repression and compartmentalisation. And once again, Reid was struck by just how unjust the world was.

"My father abused my mother," Hotch said, voice completely flat. "And then me. But he never touched Sean. Not once. To this day, I have no idea why. My only guess would be that Sean looked like our mother. I looked like him."

"Hotch, I am so sorry."

"It was a long time ago."

"It still wasn't right," Reid argued. Hotch didn't reply, and he swallowed. There was something that he needed to say because it was something Hotch needed to hear. "Hotch. I know you hate this. And I know you think it means everything is going to change. But it isn't. Because this-" he gestured to the photos- "only makes you a better person. It means that you have something that our unsubs don't: humanity."

The only acknowledgement he got that Hotch had heard him was the clench of his jaw, so he carried on. He would only stop when Hotch told him to. "This team is a family. And if it has taught me one thing that no textbook would ever be able to, it is that the love of a family does not carry a condition of any kind. You don't need to be perfect. Not for us. Certainly not for me."

Hotch nodded slightly. "I know."

"Good. Because you survived. Both of them. You can survive this too."

Their eyes met, and there was a mutual understanding there. One that could only be shared between two people that had, at some point in their lives, just wanted the pain to end because there was no shining light at the end of the tunnel in view. 

"You survived too Spencer. You did so much more than survive. You became the person you are today and I need you to know just how proud I am."

Reid smiled. "I know you are. The team will be back at any moment. I think you should hold onto the photo. It's the only one we've received where you aren't fully clothed. Besides, we aren't going to get any information from this that we haven't already gotten."

Hotch nodded and put it with the rest of his sheets. It would have to go in the case file as evidence, but until then, the only people to see it would be him and Reid.

When the team got back, they didn't ask questions about what was happening with the photo, but they did seem much less tense. Hotch started to draw up a list of people from his childhood town, claiming that they would have been the only people aware of what was really happening behind closed doors.

Whilst it did give them suspects, most of them weren't viable and by the team Hotch was leaving to drop Jack at a dentist's appointment, they were in the same place they'd started the day at.

"We should just phone Richard and ask him," Emily said.

"We can't do that. He would never forgive us if we did that," Penelope argued.

Dave was fixated on the spot where Aaron had previously been sat. "We're all too invested to make that call. But we gained some additional information today. We use that. And whoever gets the next note, they have to decide. Okay?"

Which meant it would either be Emily or him. A fact not lost on anyone.

Whilst Aaron dressed in the bathroom with a fogged up mirror and fell asleep with his head on Richard's chest, the gentle tone of his narration soothing him and making him feel safe, Emily and Dave laid awake, praying that the other would get the next note.

The fifth note came to David Rossi.

It was Friday, late morning, and he'd been in a meeting with Erin and Aaron, discussing exactly what was going on with his stalker. Aaron had spent the entire meeting shifting around in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the focus all being on him.

They hadn't been able to get in contact with any of the names that Aaron had added to the list after Spencer's note, which had infuriated everyone and led to the suspicion sounding Richard only increasing. Even Strauss thought there was something going on with him, but she hadn't been as successful at hiding it as she thought she had.

Which was why Dave was letting Aaron walk in front of him, instead of forcing him to slow down so they could talk. Not only did it allow Aaron to burn some of his anger off, it gave Dave a chance to watch him, uninterrupted. He was rubbing his fingers together, the gesture more aggressive than usual. 

Dave eventually caught up to him, but Aaron wouldn't even look at him. His jaw was clenched, and Dave knew better than to argue the technicality of him not actually being the one to suggest that Richard was guilty to Strauss. Instead, he allowed them to walk in silence, which caused a small amount of tension to leave Aaron's shoulders.

They entered their respective offices, and Dave's heart stopped. There, taped to his desk, was an envelope. The exact same design that the invitations to his third wedding had gone out in. His third wedding, which was the only one Aaron had been around to attend. And he knew that the other man still had the envelope.

He left the door open, and grabbed the envelope off the screen, not caring when the tape remained stuck to it. His hands did not tremble as he opened it because he was filled with rage at whoever had decided to try and ruin one of his favourite memories. He scanned the note. He looked at the photo.

And then he walked into Aaron's office. "Phone your boyfriend right now and tell him that you need him to come down here. I don't care what your reason is. Just get him here. Now."

Aaron looked up from the various files covering his desk. "What?"

"The team made an agreement yesterday. Whoever got the next note would make the call nobody else wanted to. I am putting my foot down. Phone him."

When Hotch hesitated, Rossi sighed.

"Agent Hotchner, you are not the lead on this case because of your own personal involvement. I am the lead, and I am giving you a command which you have to follow, or I will do it myself and I don't think either of you would like that. But you are not seeing the note before you do this."

Hotch's face twisted with fear, but then he unlocked his personal phone and dialled Richard's cell. The ringing seemed to go on for an unusually long time, and some of Dave's anger faded, only to be replaced with a white-hot shame.

"Aar? Is everything okay?" Richard asked.

Hotch relaxed at the sound of his voice. "No. I need-"

"Breathe baby. Just breathe. You can ask for this." Richard's tone was soothing. It gave Aaron the strength to voice his next statement.

"I need you to come down here now. It's urgent. I can't tell you what it's about, but I really need you here," he said, words all slowly becoming one as tears pricked his eyes when he realised just what was going to happen.

"Okay. That's okay. I'll be there in fifteen minutes okay? Just keep breathing. Go and find Dave. Can you promise me that when you hang up, you'll find Dave and let him help you?"

Aaron hesitated. "Yeah Richard. I can do that."

"Good boy. I'll see you soon. I love you."

Aaron's voice was choked when he replied with: "I love you too." He ended the call, slammed his phone on the table and yanked at his hair. Whilst Dave wanted to pry his hands away and give him one of the stress balls that were kept in the ball, he didn't. Instead, he sat opposite Aaron.

"Do they even know how sometimes you fall to your knees as though you're going to pray because your father taught you that you were a sinner that needed to beg for forgiveness?" he read out.

Aaron cringed. "Dave."

"Don't. Whatever you are about to say, don't. Because I haven't finished. That is what the note said. That's why you're always so uncomfortable in the churches, isn't it? Why you were able to tell Jason about your sexuality and not me?"

Aaron cringed at the word, but did not otherwise react. So Dave kept pushing. "It's why you shut down and became cold when I first asked you whether or not you believed in a God when you first joined the unit. Why your knowledge of the Bible is so intimate yet detached?"

"Fine! Yes! It is! Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it?" Hotch shouted, finally, finally losing his temper.

Dave didn't even blink. "No. Because I learnt all of that from this note and this photo." He threw the photo down, and Aaron stared everywhere but at his desk and at Dave's face. 

He was on his knees in the photo, facing the bed. His hands were clasped in front of him, the hickeys on his chest fresh and unconcealed amongst the marks Foyet had left with his knife.

"But Richard would have already known all of that. And he's not in this photo either. Aaron Hotchner. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that if Richard had taken this photo from the doorway, with the flash off, that you would have realised?"

Aaron hesitated, and that was answer enough. But just as Dave was about to leave, Aaron spoke. 

"I can't say that. But what I will tell you is that he is kind and good and has no motive here because he is not the unsub. And I will ask you a question too. He's going to be here in five minutes. What exactly are you going to do?"

"We are going to settle this," was Dave's response. Aaron swallowed. He knew what his role in all of this was going to be. He knew there was a chance Richard would never forgive him. But every moment they spent chasing after him was a moment they spent going in the wrong direction, which only increased Richard's chance of getting hurt. So he would play his role and beg for forgiveness later. 

When Richard burst into the bullpen, eyes full of fear and panting because he had run the whole way up- he'd even taken the stairs because he knew it would be faster than waiting for the elevator- Aaron was the only one standing. 

He had his arms wrapped around himself in a pathetic attempt to bring comfort and he was biting his lip. Everyone else was sat around, trying to make the situation seem as natural as possible. But when Richard immediately ran over to Hotch, nobody really knew why. He hadn't even noticed, all his focus on Aaron.

"Baby, what happened?" Richard asked, cupping Aaron's face.

Despite everything, Aaron leant into the touch.

"I'm so sorry," Aaron whispered, his eyes closed. The tears he'd been holding back for so long had started to fall, and Richard wiped them away gently. JJ bit her lip, clearly terrified that they had made a terrible mistake, but Dave wasn't going to budge.

"Aaron?" Richard pressed.

Dave took Richard's hands and Aaron stepped back, staring at the ground.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated.

"Aar, what is he doing?" Richard asked, struggling against Dave's hold.

"We're just going to ask you a few questions, that's all," Dave said, voice far too sweet as he led Richard down to the interrogation rooms. Richard stared at him, mildly terrified and absolutely defiant, but then turned to see Aaron, still shaking and not letting anyone comfort him. He swallowed, wondering what on earth his boyfriend had got involved with this time.

 After a bit of deliberation- both because they weren't entirely sure and because they wanted to make Richard squirm- they agreed that Dave would lead the interrogation, but they would switch to Derek if necessary. Aaron had remained silent throughout the discussion, only sitting down because JJ had forced him into a seat.

He wasn't speaking to any of them, but he did glare when Emily asked if he would want to sit in his office whilst they carried out the interrogation, which led to him following them down. He wouldn't go near the window.

Richard was dressed casually, as he always was, but aside from that, he was not the man that they were used to seeing. His eyes were darting all over the room and he was tapping his foot against the chair leg. Under the table, he was rubbing his thumb over the rest of his fingers. Dave, who'd been compartmentalising the entire time, suddenly felt nauseous.

He went in. Best to just get things over and done with.

"What's going on?" Richard asked.

Dave kept the file out of his reach. "That's what we were hoping you could help us with."

Richard laughed, slightly hysterical. "Of course I want to help, but I can't help if I don't have any sort of information! Is Aaron in trouble? Did something happen to him? He's not, he's been completely normal these past few days, if I had noticed something I would have asked."

"We're not entirely sure whether or not Aaron is in trouble, but something did happen. Well actually, it was a few somethings. See for yourself." He slid the file across the desk, and Richard stared at it like it was a trick. Dave nodded and he hesitantly opened it.

"Oh my god... " Richard whispered, all colour leaving his face as he pressed a hand to his mouth and swallowed down bile.

"Five notes. Five photos. Five envelopes that have all been delivered to various members of my team over the past five days. Go on, read them. You probably already know what the information on them is, unlike us."

Richard mouthed the words to himself. Outside, Aaron was pacing, wringing his hands and ignoring everybody's attempts to soothe him, or take him back up. When Richard finished reading the notes, Dave showed him the photos.

"They've been in his apartment? Jack lives in that apartment. How do you know that it's safe anymore? Why hasn't he said anything? Why is he still staying there? He should be staying with me, right?" Richard asked.

Dave hated to admit it, but his concern was genuine. He didn't even seem to realise that he was their prime suspect, or that if it wasn't him, he would be in danger because all he seemed to care about was Aaron.

"With no apparent break-in, yes they've been in his apartment. Aaron didn't want protection, and why he didn't tell you is beyond me. He seems to trust you enough with other things." Dave changed the atmosphere, which Richard immediately picked up on.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You knew all the information that could be found in those notes. You could gain access to the apartment very easily. You know where Aaron's team are based, and the smaller details like where my office is and that Spencer likes to read. It all seems oddly convenient."

"You think I did this?" Richard said, tone coloured with disbelief.

Dave shrugged. "Maybe. We've been trying to find other suspects. They don't really exist."

"I wouldn't- I love Aaron. With everything I am. What would I have to gain from using things he told me about his life that he's never trusted anyone else to say and exposing them to the team? Why would I hurt him that much, when all it would take is a few clicks from Penny and my life would be ruined?"

"Revenge. Anger. Maybe you feel inadequate because Jack is the spitting image of Haley and you will never replace her," he said, remaining completely calm, even though his heart was hammering.

Aaron's jaw dropped and he went to the door, but Morgan stopped him with a hand to the heart and a glare that rivalled his own.

"I'm not trying to replace Haley. I would never even dream of that. Aaron still loves Haley. I know that. It doesn't mean he can't love me too. Haley was brutally murdered by a serial killer. She was the mother of his son and the love of his childhood. She helped save him. If he didn't love her, I would be more concerned."

"So you don't resent either of them?"

"Haley helped make Aaron into the man he is today. How could I resent her? And Aaron is so good. He does his best. He tries. Not a single part of me resents him for anything he's done. To suggest otherwise is an insult to both of us." His tone was final.

"If I asked you for a suspect-"

"I wouldn't be able to think of one right now because I am way too mad at you and everyone else listening to think straight. But if you want my help, I will give it. You can dig through my life to try and find who would dare do this because it is not me."

Richard did not break eye contact, and Dave realised that he could and would be the difference between their unsub destroying Aaron and saving both of them.

"Fine. Come on up, read through the file and help us. But I swear on all that you and I hold sacred, if you dare lie or hurt him to protect yourself, I will kill you and nobody will ever find your body or trace it back to me," Dave said.

Richard seemed even more distressed after that, so Dave put him out of his misery.

"I'm joking. It's just that we have all been waiting to give the shovel talk for so long."

When Richard stood, it was on shaky legs. Dave held the door open for him, and the moment he stepped through, Aaron leapt into his arms, knocking him back slightly. Almost immediately, Richard's left hand went to cradle the back of Aaron's head, which was buried in his shoulder as his body shook with the force of his sobs.

"I'm so sorry," Aaron whispered. 

Everyone else had left. Privacy was the least they could give them.

"Baby it's okay. It's all okay."

Aaron didn't seem to be listening. "I- Please don't leave me. Please don't go away. I am so, so sorry."

Richard pulled away and forced eye contact. Aaron swallowed.

"Baby. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to come up with you, I am going to help you find this person and I am going to forgive you. Do you hear me? I'm staying, and all is forgiven. I just wish you had told me. I would never have let you go to your apartment if I'd known."

"I'm sorry," Aaron said again.

"It's okay. Just, I'm driving us back to mine tonight, okay?"

Aaron sighed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Richard was so good. Too good and too forgiving for someone like him, but he was learning to accept the love he was given. So instead of fighting, he just nodded, letting Richard take the lead once more.

The sixth note came to Emily Prentiss.

It was Saturday.

The only reason they were in the office was because the case was personal. She felt terrible. Hotch had just started to finally achieve a real work-life balance and now it was being torn from him by some maniac.

Richard was helping them, but whilst him and Jack were sat in the bullpen with everyone else, Hotch was sat in his office because there had been some unavoidable paperwork that needed to be done and he needed to concentrate. Strauss had the decency to look apologetic when she dropped it off for him.

Emily personally thought the higher-ups could have been a little more subtle in the way they went about delivering their message. Paperwork that apparently only he could complete was the most obvious way to say he was Unit Chief and therefore had to participate in bureau politics because to them, nothing, not even the life and safety of a federal agent that had already given everything to their job came above their wishes.

She'd offered to take some of the things under it to give him a hand and because she knew that, whilst none of it was pressing, it would all build up and end with him getting completely overwhelmed. She'd spent enough time with her mother to know how to fill it all out, and she was also exceptionally good at forging his handwriting.

It wasn't like they were getting any closer to finding their unsub. Everyone was doing what they could, but until they either got another message or came up with more suspects, they were stuck. Everyone still had their suspicions regarding Richard, but nobody was going to say anything. Not after everything that had happened.

Aaron had interpreted their departure the previous day as the apology it was, and they had seen the coffee and slight smile he gave them all when he got in as the forgiveness he was trying to give. Richard cooperating and answering all their questions with a smile and grace made it easier.

Emily picked up the last file and frowned. She must have picked it up by accident because it wasn't the same sort of files as the previous five had been. Those had all been budget and funding related. The one she found herself holding that moment was the manila folders that contained details of their cases. For a moment, she considered just giving it to him, but when she looked through the blinds, he was rubbing his forehead, a migraine clearly forming.

"Any new leads?" she asked.

Everybody shook their heads. Richard leant back in his chair, smiling when Jack held him his latest drawing. It didn't quite reach his eyes and Emily wondered how he had managed to remain so calm and collected when both his and Aaron's lives were potentially at risk.

She was happy that Hotch had found love and accepted his own sexuality, but she just wished it hadn't been with someone with a name like Richard. It just screamed dodgy. It was not a valid reason to suspect him of anything, but ever since they'd gotten together, she had been on edge.There wasn't anything she could say though. And she was getting sidetracked.

She would do the consult, and it would be fine, and when she told Aaron she'd done it, he would smile at her like he had always done before weird envelopes revealed his secrets and created a divide nobody was going to discuss because if they got into it, they wouldn't be able to stop thinking about just how little he really trusted them.

With a deep sigh- she was going to need to apply some actual energy if it was a consult- she opened the folder. What she was greeted with was not crime scene photos or information on the victims of heinous crimes. It was not graphic images of dead bodies or a preliminary profile that just needed some form of refinement.

It was so much worse.

It was an envelope. And the logical, rational part of her brain had been expecting one ever since the day had started. But emotions were not logical or rational and there was a pit in her stomach as she realised that this time, she would not be able to hide or let someone else carry the responsibility of handling the contents. 

She would have to be the one to open the envelope, read the letter, see the photo. She would have to tell Aaron there had been another one. She would have to watch as the ghosts and demons of his past were dredged up and flaunted for everyone to see, and then as his eyes hardened once more and he pretended that person was someone else.

The worst part was, there wouldn't be anything she could do for him.

"Well, my one just got delivered," she announced.

Everyone looked over at her. Richard tapped Jack on the shoulder, and held up his hand in a wait gesture. Jack nodded, then turned back to his book.

"I'm just going to ask Anderson to watch him for a few minutes. Because I need to be here, but Jack doesn't need to see what happens once you tell Aaron. Is that okay?" he asked.

Emily nodded. It was selfish, but she was glad that she had been granted a few extra minutes to gain control over herself. When Richard did return, there was a slight hesitance to his actions, as though he also felt like he could live without knowing what was in the envelope, even though he probably already knew.

The envelope was one that her mother had used for sending gala details out during the period of time where Aaron worked for her. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how their unsub knew that about them.

Her voice was monotonous as she read the note because unlike the others, she did not read it in her head before reading it aloud. When she finished, she wished she had.

"Do they even know how your father responded when he caught you at the grand age of fourteen with your hand being held by the pastor's son and a wide grin on your face because it was in that moment that you first understood what having a crush meant?" she read out.

Richard's eyes widened. "This bastard knows what happened then? It must be- it has to be somebody he grew up with. It just has to be, and when I get my fucking hands on them-"

"You're going to leave it to us because we have powers of arrest and you are a civilian that does not," Rossi finished.

Emily felt a surge of anger within her, both at Aaron's father for ever laying a hand on his child and for not accepting him, and at Aaron. Because Aaron had lied to her. He had looked her in the eye and lied. She hadn't even realised.

"What's the photo?" Derek asked.

Feeling slightly sick, she peered in the envelope and saw that no, she had not been lucky enough to not receive one. She took it out and stared at it, needing that moment to process and understand exactly what had happened all those years ago. She needed to be the first one to see it because the letter had come to her and she needed to know exactly what was going to hurt her so much.

It did more than just hurt her. It broke her into a million pieces.

The Aaron that she chose to remember was the one that smiled at everyone, that laughed at Derek and Penelope's flirting and who always, always danced with her when she asked. The one that had barely reacted when she came out and then, when he realised she was still stood there, looked up and said that he was not the person to ask for advice when it came to pretty girls. 

The Aaron that had been near tears when she told him that she would always love him, no matter what because she knew what it was that he needed to tell her but she wasn't going to take that from him, she just needed him to know.

The Aaron that haunted her nightmares was the one that had woken up in the hospital after Foyet, barely able to speak because he was so weak. The one that had walked into a hostage situation and stopped caring about his own life because he didn't think it meant anything.

The Aaron that made her wonder what the point in any of what they did was, that made her angry and terrified of herself, that made her want to kill everyone that had dared to harm a child, was the one in the photo.

It had come from a medical file. Knowing that only made it worse. He was just a boy. Young. Too young to have such haunted eyes. There were dark circles under them. His arm was in a cast, cradled close to his body. His face was a mess of bruises and there was a not quite healed gash on his forehead.

He had lied. And the worst part was, she could almost understand why. It didn't get rid of her anger, but she could almost understand it.

"It wasn't my place to say anything," Richard whispered.

"If you had, I would have killed you," Emily said. "Reid have you read the note?"

Reid nodded, passing it back to her. He didn't bother to offer to tell Hotch. Nobody did. It would be an insult to both of them to even suggest that Emily shouldn't go. Hotch trusted her in a way he didn't trust anyone else and she knew him in a way everyone else couldn't.

The team would see the photo after Hotch. Emily stood, clasping both close to her chest just in case anybody else saw them and briskly walked up to his office because anything more than that would make other people suspicious.

"You lied to me," she said as she entered. She was still angry, but it didn't bleed into her tone like she had wanted. Instead, she just sounded betrayed and hurt.

He looked at her. Not out the window like he wanted to because that would be unfair. It would make him understand the situation like he wanted to, but he needed to focus on her and for that, she was grateful.

"What?"

"You lied to me. You told me your dad didn't know you were bi. That he died before you were ready to tell anyone, and you had always regretted it. And I told you it was okay because you weren't ready and it wasn't safe," she said.

He swallowed, but carried on looking at her. "I know."

She put the note on his table and then slammed the photo down. He glanced at it, and she saw his fists clench in the fabric of his trousers. When he met her eyes again, still not looking out the window, there was a defiance in them. Like he didn't care.

"Aaron, I'm not angry. I just want to know. You could have told me the truth. I wouldn't have thought any lesser of you. You know I wouldn't have. You weren't sick or disgusting and I am sorry for everything that happened." 

She didn't want him to apologise because it was his trauma. She had no right to it. She just wanted to know why he had lied instead of just saying he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. She wouldn't have pushed him.

"I couldn't have told you," he said, finally breaking eye contact and looking out the window. The team were pouring over the note. Richard was talking to Jack and Emily noticed him relax slightly.

"Aaron," she said, trying to not let it sting. "Why not?"

He turned back to face her. "I couldn't."

It wasn't about her, but she needed him to know. "You don't have to tell me why, and I am not trying to say I was entitled to that information. I just want you to know that if it was something I said or did, then I am so sorry and-"

"You wouldn't have understood, okay? That's why I didn't tell you. Because you wouldn't have got it and I didn't want your fucking sympathy."

She stared. "I wouldn't have understood?"

"No, you wouldn't have because you never gave a damn about what your mother thought of you and for all her flaws, she did her best and she accepted you. When the church rejected you, you had Matthew. When Gideon left, the team decided to love you unconditionally and you never once had to consider that everything would change when you came out."

He knew he was being unfair and that coming out couldn't have been easy for her, but he was too emotional to think straight. Later he would apologise and do whatever it took for her to look at him like he meant something, and she would just ask him to forgive himself.

But that would be later.

"Aaron, I'm sorry."

"Everyone always is. Apart from the one person that needed to be. Do you know what he did, after that photo was taken? He told them I was lying about it being him and everyone was too afraid to suggest otherwise. And then he shipped me off to boarding school like I meant nothing. I could only come back when he was dying, and even then, the pastor wouldn't let me in the church because he was scared I would taint his precious church, almost like the man being buried wasn't an abuser."

There were no words, comfort or otherwise that she could provide him with. "Aaron, I'm-"

"Sorry? All anyone seems to be is sorry. And I am sick of it. I am so, so sick of it and I just want everybody to do their fucking jobs and find this bastard so everything can go back to normal and I can breathe again," he snapped.

She didn't move. She just raised an eyebrow, silently asking if there was anything else he wanted to get off his chest.

He bolted from his office, not acknowledging a single member of the team, or Richard, or even Jack. Emily sighed, took the note and photo and brought it back to the bullpen. They didn't have a board. Hotch wasn't dead or missing and they weren't about to let anyone else see.

Richard sighed, then pulled out his phone. "He's gone to my apartment. Look, I know the new note means a lot and that there's now more that we can use but is it okay if I-"

"Go. He needs you," JJ said, not even looking up. Emily begrudgingly nodded.

Richard smiled at them all gratefully. "Thank you." He turned to Jack. "Hey bud, how do you feel about spending the evening with your Auntie Jessie? Hmm? She told me yesterday that she's just been waiting to see you!"

Richard left. Emily and Dave watched him go, their thoughts the same. As much as they detested Richard, they would give anything for him to not be the unsub.

When Richard let himself into his apartment, all the lights were off. He sighed, and thought about how one day in the near future, his key would be turning in the lock of the door to a home. Because as soon as this whole thing was over, him and Aaron were signing the deed of a house. It was going to be beautiful.

"Baby? I'm home," he called out.

There was no response. He checked the living room, then the kitchen, then the bathroom and finally the bedroom. Aaron was under the duvet, but even from the doorway Richard could tell he wasn't sleeping.

He kicked his own shoes off and got in beside Aaron. "You don't need to speak to me. But I need you to know that you've not done anything wrong and they all still love you. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. We're going to have a nice day at the beach and then I'm taking you out for dinner and we will have an extremely romantic night that will hopefully lead to you limping slightly come Monday morning," he said.

Aaron rolled over, eyes slightly red but a small smile still on his face. "You promise?"

"I promise," he replied in a sing-song voice before pulling Aaron closer.

"I'm scared," Aaron confessed, after a long silence.

"I know baby. But I'm right here. And it's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

Aaron wanted to believe him. He closed his eyes and listened to Richard singing, trying not to think about the feather-light kisses that were being pressed to the side of his neck and trying to forget the note that had known exactly what they did to him. Because Richard had been the one to discover that information. As far as Aaron was aware, nobody else knew.

The seventh note came to Aaron Hotchner.

It was Sunday morning. When he woke up, Richard was still there. He smiled at his partner, wishing they could spend every day in bed. Richard was stunning when he slept. They'd both forgotten to close the blinds, and the early morning sunshine made it his hair glow.

Aaron usually had to run to work and get Jack to school, so he never really got to appreciate how warm Richard was. But there was no imminent paperwork, the team had agreed to only contact him if there was a real emergency and Jack was staying with Jessica.

He didn't need to be anywhere apart from right there. It was a nice feeling. So instead of worrying about the time, he shifted closer to Richard and let himself drift off again.

"Baby, I love you. I really do. And I'm so glad you're sleeping, but I need to piss," Richard complained an indefinite amount of time later.

Aaron's eyes opened when he felt himself get pushed to the other side of the bed. "Wha-"

"Thank you. And hello darling. Happy Valentine's Day."

He still wasn't used to Richard being stronger than him, and he blushed. "Hi. Happy Valentine's Day."

"Are you okay?"

"Mhm."

Richard looked at his face, then smirked as he realised why Aaron was blushing. When Aaron saw the glint in his eyes, he buried his head in the pillow. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything!" Richard laughed. "But seriously. Are you okay?"

"Yes. Really, I am. I don't want to think about any of that today. Just go pee and brush your teeth, I'll get out of bed when you're done."

"Demanding. Okay, I'm going. See you in a few minutes."

When Richard closed the door, Aaron turned his phone on. He would turn it off when they were actually spending time together, but he just needed to make sure Jack had been okay and that there was nothing urgent from the team.

Jessica had sent the standard message, saying Jack was fine and she'd drop him off with them in the evening. The team had texted the non-work chat talking about their plans. He smiled to himself, glad they were following his orders for once and was about to set his phone back on the nightstand when he saw he had a voicemail.

From an unknown number.

He frowned, guard immediately up. An unknown number to his work number would make sense because it would probably just be a work thing, but his personal phone was different. It was more intimate.

Heart pounding so loud it was the only thing he could hear, he dialled his voicemail, immediately pressing one when the options began.

The world had never been kind to him. The message was robotic, no way of tracing it back to anyone.

"If you want to keep them safe, you won't stop just for a few hours with your boyfriend. Unless of course, you think he's more important than your unarmed sister-in-law and son. Her father would never forgive you if you caused the death of both his babies, would he? Has he even forgiven you for the first?"

The message ended, and the neutral tone of the operator, asking him if he wanted to listen to it again fell on deaf ears. 

Without a moment of thought, he tumbled out of the bed, hurriedly dressing in the first things he could find in the wardrobe, not even bothering to check he'd buttoned his shirt correctly. He was unlocking the safe and holstering his guns when Richard entered the room, having heard the commotion on his way to the kitchen.

"What happened?" he asked.

Hotch just gestured to his phone as an answer, rushing out of the room to go and brush his own teeth so he would be able to eat something without feeling weird. When he came back, Richard was sat on the bed, fiddling with his phone. He turned at Aaron's footsteps and smiled slightly.

"There's no way you're letting me come with you, is there?" he asked.

Aaron shook his head. "It's far too risky. We've established they're one person, so if they were focusing on Jess and Jack then they can't be here too. I'm going into the office to see what's going on, but I'll have people stationed for you and them whilst I'm driving."

"Okay. Come here."

Aaron obeyed, inhaling the familiar scent of Richard's lemon and orange shower gel. "I love you," he whispered, proud of himself for not stumbling over the words.

"Love you too. Now go out there, get this son of a bitch and promise to come home to me safely."

It was an impossible promise, but he made it anyways. He always did. "I promise."

Hotch didn't tell the team about the voicemail. Garcia wouldn't have been able to gain anything from it, so there was no point in dragging them all out and ruining whatever their plans were just because somebody was obsessed with him. Besides, they had all received notes. There was nothing for them to do.

And part of him just needed to do it alone, without them watching him, waiting for him to snap the same way he had with Foyet.

But when he parked, he noticed the car park seemed oddly full for both a Sunday and a celebration. Whilst the BAU didn't have the best track record when it came to relationships because most ended with divorce or death, that wasn't the case with everyone.

The elevator went straight to the sixth floor. His heart started hammering again as the doors opened and he stepped off. His fears had been confirmed when he saw the bullpen: the team were there. It hurt more than he thought it would, because there was only one one way they would know. 

Richard had told them, even though he knew Aaron would've said something if he wanted them to be aware.

"You don't have to be here," he said as soon as he was within earshot.

They all looked up, and he saw all six of the previous photos and notes scattered over the table. Their list of suspects, which had been getting shorter and shorter with every new lead they found, was in the centre.

"But we want to. Richard told us about the voicemail. Can we hear it?" Penelope asked.

He nodded, unlocking his phone and setting it down as it played.

"Is there a chance the unsub just happens to know about Jessica and Jack's existence?" JJ suggested.

"No. Because Jack has been spending most nights with me lately. Well, me or Richard. Him staying overnight with Jessica is not a weekly occurrence anymore. For the unsub to know, they must have been watching. They must have."

"Okay, I'm going to try and get any information from this," Penelope said, opening her laptop as her fingers flew across the keyboard.

Aaron nodded. The original notes and photos were in his desk drawer, which was locked, so after they spent a few minutes just talking and organising their thoughts, he went up to get them. It was then that he saw the note, everyone having missed it initially because they'd gone straight to the bullpen and not even looked up.

The envelope was the same type used for death certificates in the state of Virginia. He only knew that because his first thought when Haley's had been delivered was that the envelopes that contained something so destroying had no right being so beautiful.

"Hotch?" Emily called out. She didn't know where they stood anymore, but she couldn't help herself. 

"They've sent me mine," he said, his voice surprisingly steady.

"What?" Derek said.

He tore the envelope off the door and held it up. As much as he did not want to be vulnerable in front of everyone, he could not open it alone, so he descended the stairs on shaky legs and sat back down, in between Derek and JJ and took a deep breath.

"It's okay sir. We have time. Just do it when you're ready," Penelope encouraged.

"We might have time, but Jess and Jack may not," he said, and opened it neatly, using the letter opener Spencer held up for him.

Hotch took the note and photo out at the same time, but he, like the others, wanted to brace himself for the contents of the photo by reading the note first. Their unsub wasn't particularly creative so it would be easy enough to guess what it would be.

He frowned, then pressed his hand to his forehead, trying to not cry in frustration. He had no idea what the note was meant to mean.

"Aaron?" Dave asked.

"Do you even know how easy it would be for you to find me if you would just stop being such a baby about everything?" he read out. "I don't understand. Why- we don't even know who it is. How would we know where to find them?"

"Look at the photo," JJ coaxed.

He wanted to kick himself. Here he was, falling apart when the answer was right in front of him.

With a tremble he hated, he took the photo out. He immediately knew what and where it was. But he couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it. It had to be a trick of the light. Or a mistake. Or a sick, twisted joke. It couldn't be real. He wasn't sure he could survive if it was.

"What is it?" Emily asked.

He put the photo down so everyone could see it. "That's the house Richard and I are moving into. Once all this is over, we're signing the deed. It's empty at the moment because the couple had already moved in with their children." His voice was completely monotone. Any emotion would lead to him sobbing.

Only one other person knew that the purchase was being made.  But somewhere inside him was a tiny flicker of hope, telling him it was all a horrible consequence and it was actually someone else.

"Derek, Emily, Aaron, we're in one car. JJ, drive Spencer and Penelope. Em, whilst we're going, you phone Jessica. Make sure she can see the officers assigned to her and Jack. Aaron, phone Richard. Make sure he doesn't leave his apartment. Let's go," Dave commanded.

Everyone piled into the cars. Dave did not his profile to be correct. He did not want to be right, but it was starting to seem like the only option. The fact that it would be the three people that had seen Aaron at his most vulnerable in the car together was not something he'd done by accident. He knew Aaron. He loved fiercely, with everything he was, until the very last moment.

Before the day was over, he would need someone to patch him back together. It was going to be one of them.

"Okay, that's great. Just hang tight, everything will be okay," Emily said into her phone. She ended the call. "Jess can see them. Her and Jack are just eating breakfast. He's calm."

"That's good. Aaron, call Richard."

"I already did," Aaron said, emotion finally bleeding into his voice. Dave almost ran a red light, the admission shook him so badly.

"You what?" Derek shouted.

"I already tried once. He didn't pick up. If he doesn't call me back in the next minute, I'm trying again. He was probably just in the bathroom." The excuse sounded pathetic, even to him. But he was desperately clinging to some semblance of hope, and he would carry on until it could no longer be denied.

"Aaron," Emily started.

"Don't. Just don't. I'm trying the landline, and then his mobile. Okay?"

The ringing became uncomfortable after a few moments, and Dave wasn't sure Aaron could be trusted with a gun with the way his hands were shaking. The house was approaching, and there had still been no response from Richard.

"You have to go in first. We'll follow behind you. And no matter what happens in there, no matter who is in there, we love you. Do you understand?" Dave said, tilting Aaron's chin up so they had to make eye contact.

Aaron nodded minutely, then shrugged him off, jumping out the car. JJ, Reid and Garcia arrived only moments later. They waited as Hotch opened the door, cautiously entering with his gun pointing downwards and then they all ran in, listening for Hotch's footsteps so they knew where to go.

"FBI! Put your hands up! Now" he shouted, entering the living room.

Richard turned around, an easy smirk on his face. "Well hello Aaron. It took you long enough."

The gun fell from Aaron's hands. "No," he breathed.

"Yes," Richard said. "I mean, come on, was it ever going to be anyone else? Who else could have known all of those details about you? I mean, observing you try to protect my honour was adorable but really quite pathetic."

The team were waiting out in the hallway for some sort of signal to go in, but they could all recognise the voice. Not a single person was happy that their gut instincts had been right, or that they had actually found their unsub.

"I don't get it," Aaron whispered. He hadn't picked his gun up.

"If this is about that third photo, I had a friend take it for me. Aaron, this plan has been in motion for longer than you could even wrap your little head around. And tell your team to just come in. It's rude to eavesdrop."

Accepting their covers as blown, the team all walked in, one after another, with their weapons pointed at Richard. Their faces were grim, filled with more than the usual anger. Because how dare he go after their friend. After everything that had happened, everything he had been trusted to know, this was the way he used it.

"There's no need to point those things at me, you can see that I am clearly unarmed," he said, adding jazz hands to empathise his point. But because there was no way of telling whether or not there was a hidden weapon- or god forbid a bomb- they couldn't relax.

"Why did you do this? To us? To me?" Aaron asked, shame and humiliation coursing through him. Everybody had warned him. He had always known the team didn't like Richard. They had told him there was nobody else that made sense. But his naivety (or was it his ego) had stopped him from listening, and now nothing would be the same.

"Isn't it obvious? Maybe you're not as smart as everyone likes to think you are. Maybe you really are as pathetic as your father always claimed you were. Maybe you're worse," Richard taunted.

"Richard please," he begged. "Just tell me the truth."

Nothing was ever going to be the same. Richard would be arrested and Aaron would be left to piece his heart back together, but he would be damned if he failed to get the truth from another person in his life.

Richard's lip curled in a smirk that made everyone squirm. "You have always been such a pretty beggar. Do it one more time for me, and I will give you all the answers you wanted."

His endgame had to involve death. There was no way he would reveal all the answers Aaron wanted without someone dying. But nobody could see a single weapon on him. And there was no way of knowing exactly who it was that was going to die.

Aaron took a step back. He wanted to vomit. He couldn't do it. "Richard."

"That doesn't sound like begging."

He swallowed. "Richard please. Please, just tell me. I will do whatever it is you want, I swear, but just tell me why you did it. I need to know. I am begging you to tell me, please."

"I suppose that's adequate. You want to know? Fine. Haley."

That threw him. "Haley?"

"Yes. Haley. Haley Hotchner Brooks, your ex-wife. Remember that phone call, all those years ago? Right before she left and took your son with her because you were a failure? That was me. I phoned her. Because she was cheating on you. I know you still wonder about that. Well now you don't need to. We were supposed to end up together. We were supposed to be happy. But because of you and your failure, she's dead. You took her from me! You killed her and Foyet. They're both dead because of you. And yet you're still here! It doesn't make sense!"

"Richard." He couldn't form any other words.

"Don't! Haley- who was charming and sweet and caring- is dead because of you. It doesn't make sense that she died whilst you lived. It's not fair, and it's not right. You never had to pay for her death. Until now. I've made you pay. How does it feel? To be betrayed so badly by someone you love? This is how she must have felt when you got her put in Witness Protection."

"Richard. Haley's death was not Aaron's fault. You know that. Deep down, you know that. And you also know that there is no way out of this without cooperating. Cooperate, and we can be lenient," Emily said, the first to recover from… everything as she started negotiating.

"Do they even know?" Richard snarled and Aaron flinched. Every time a member of the team had read their note to him, they had been gentle. Hesitant. Kind. Richard was neither of those. He was cruel and horrid.

"Do they even know how choked and broken your voice gets when you say I love you because you’re damaged and incapable? Do they even know pretty you look with tears streaming down your face because you can't say what you need to, even though it is not difficult and your son can do it without hesitation?"

Hotch had always loved it when Richard called him pretty. It made him feel loved. Now, it just felt dirty. He didn't even realise Richard was reaching for something behind him. Something that was blocked by his body.

"Richard, whatever your plan is, it won't work. You won't and can't get away with this now seven federal agents are aware of it. Just put your hands in front of you again, and we'll get you a more lenient sentence," Derek said, voice calm.

"I don't want a lenient sentence, I want retribution!" he shouted, brandishing a gun. 

Not just a gun. The gun that was meant to be holstered on Hotch's left leg. He glanced down in horror. It was empty.

Richard smirked. "In all your panic this morning, you forgot it. I've seen you unlock that safe enough times to know the code. Remember what happened right before you started carrying two? Adrian Bale took the one on your hip and you were completely defenceless. Haley found out she was pregnant then."

Hotch couldn't say anything. He was too focused on not vomiting.

"Richard just put the gun down," JJ said.

"Why?"

"Because even if there are seven bullets in there, you will not be able to kill all of us in the time it would take for any of us to shoot you somewhere non-fatal and make your sentence the harshest it can be," Spencer said.

"I don't want to kill you six. I don't want to kill Aaron either. I want to destroy him. I want to destroy him the way he destroys everything good that touches him. Baby. Look at me."

Aaron flinched at the nickname but lifted his eyes enough to look at Richard. "What?" he asked, voice small.

"Do they even know your biggest fear? Do you? Because it's this. Aaron Hotchner is terrifed that one day, you guys are going to wake up and realise he’s not good enough and you’re going to leave. Just like his mother and his father. And Sean. And Elle. And Jason and Haley and everybody else in his life.”

And Aaron realised what Richard was about to do. 

"Stop!" he shouted.

But it was too late. 

Richard was on the ground, pooling from the wound and all around him. Aaron fell to his knees beside him, still, in spite of everything, helplessly in love with him and clinging to the idea that it was all just a horrible dream.

"Richard," he whispered, when he felt the slightest pulse.

"I… I win," Richard rasped.

And then his eyes closed.

And Aaron broke.

Derek pulled him away from the body and wiped the blood from his hands. But Aaron was cataconic, hardly responding, and even then, only using the bare minimum. They'd forced him back into the car as soon as the other services got there, saying they would conduct his interview a few days later.

Derek was going to leave, to give Aaron his space, when he heard his name being called, so quietly he almost didn't even realise.

"Yeah?" he said, coming back over.

"Do you think I'm too broken to be loved?" Aaron asked, staring at him with tears in his eyes.

"Of course you aren't," Derek said, hating everyone that had ever made Aaron feel like that.

"Then why can't anyone do it?"

He sounded so broken. Derek didn't know what to do. So he told the truth.

"They can though. The team loves you. I love you."

"Do you promise?"

He nodded. "Yes."

And he would just keep saying it till it was enough.

[francesderwent]

Do you ever think Amy Sherman-Palladino hates the nuclear family as a concept? She seems to have this deep-seated inability to make the biological fathers in her shows redeemable or anything beyond a shallow symbol of failed family.

short answer?  yes.  I think ASP absolutely hates the nuclear family.

but, long answer, I don’t think it’s necessarily because of some kind of cynicism directly and immediately about fatherhood.  I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the root of the problem of Gilmore Girls is a deep and hidden ambivalence about children.  the only reason Lorelai’s relationship with Christopher is so complicated, after all, is because they share a child – otherwise Lorelai would be free to hook up with Christopher whenever he came to town without any real consequences, or else to forget him entirely because he wouldn’t come around at all and she could be free of him.  Luke would have been able to marry Lorelai if it weren’t for the fact that he suddenly had a kid.  we see it over and over again: the thing getting in the way of happy romances is children. the thing trapping people in unhappy romances is children.  

and more to the point, if it weren’t for Rory, Lorelai would have been able to escape Emily and Richard.  the theme of the show, according to ASP, is something like “you can never go home again, but also you can never escape”.  but Lorelai would have been able to escape – go to Stars Hollow and never come back to see her parents ever again, or travel around the country helping people with their inns, or live her life flitting around Europe – if she didn’t have Rory, if she didn’t have to pay for Rory’s schooling, if Rory didn’t consistently want to have a relationship with her grandparents.  it is children that bind us to the nuclear family – our own, but also our families of origin – and yeah, ASP does seem to view that as a bad thing, a legacy of hurt and resentment that carries on from mother to daughter to daughter inescapably.  and that indirectly explains the issue with fathers, and why I never feel like I’m reacting to ASP’s fathers the way she wants me to: because the fathers have the freedom and distance from their family that ASP seems to wish that mothers had, too.  Lorelai (and ASP) resents Christopher not because he didn’t marry her – because she didn’t want that – but because his life wasn’t wrecked by Rory, and hers was.  it’s easy for him to say he wants to marry her, because he has a choice in the matter of whether he settles down, and he’ll still be free even if they do, and Lorelai never got that choice.  Marvelous Mrs Maisel does a lot to clarify this; I haven’t seen s2-3, but from what I’ve gathered, Midge is abandoned by her husband, and then she becomes gloriously successful and dates Zachary Levi and just…ignores her children.  she gets to live like she’s a divorced man – live like she’s Christopher Hayden, actually.  and I think I’m supposed to see that as good and fun and admirable.

so it goes both ways – motherhood is awful because it ties women to their children’s flighty, useless fathers, and heterosexual romance is awful because it ties women to their husbands’ needy, useless children – and as long as we buy into that system, it also ties us to our own parents and our husbands’ parents, and we can never ever escape and be free.  all throughout the show, people are surprised and derailed by pregnancy and inconvenienced by it and afraid of it; nobody just…has a kid with someone they love, without being clearly pitied by the narrative (Sookie, Lane).  and there is never, ever anything like the scene in The Office when Jim and Pam discover they’re pregnant and they’re clearly and unambiguously happy.  because within the worldview of Gilmore Girls, having children, becoming a parent, is far from unambiguously good.

[quietmyfearswith]

narcissist {carter baizen x fem!reader} 2/3

narcissist {carter baizen x fem!reader} 2/3

status — ongoing series

warnings — name-calling, hint at alcoholism, attempt at angst

word count (without the lyrics) — 1,904 words

a/n — so this is for @baezen’s the other guys writing challenge and my prompt was alcohol is the only constant in my life; tho in this one i didn’t mention it i like to think i was able to reflect the prompt.this is based on narcissist by no rome ,, listen to the song here if u want ,, feedback is appreciated and hope u guys have a lovely day !! :> y/f/n = your full name

masterlist | series masterlist

Stay out late, I just wanna get stoned

Telling all your friends that I'm never at home

And my face filling up with blood

But you're still saying they don't like your bourgeois

Surprisingly, the meeting with the representative from Eichner Enterprise went well. 

The rest of the day seemed like a blur to Carter that is until he came back at 2:00 in the afternoon after having his lunch. “You have a 2:45 pm appointment at this address,” Y/N informed him as she prevented him from entering his office. Carter looked down on the piece of paper she held and looked at her oddly as he looked up at her — she never informed him this late of having a prior appointment with anyone.

“And I’m only hearing about this now because?” Carter might have sounded rude and discourteous, but in his defense he was simply mirroring the cold tone his assistant used on him. Which, thinking about it now, was not the best way to repay her for her efforts in keeping the company together, and if he was being honest, she was the glue that prevented him from crumbling down and giving in to his negative thoughts and going insane.

Y/N wasn’t fazed or didn’t flinch upon his reply and instead put a hand on her hip, “They suddenly became available and this is an appointment you were looking out for a while now.” He nodded, only then realizing how she was able to organize and plan ahead most, if not all, of his errands. “After this what’ll my day look like?”

Walking away from standing in front of him, she was now heading back to her desk to complete her work but she informed him, “You’re free to go after you meet up with that appointment.”

He nodded and debated about whether or not he should apologize for what he had said earlier. Deciding against it, he went inside his office to quickly retrieve his car keys and other items. As he brushed past her work desk, he muttered a simple goodbye to which she just curtly nodded as she typed away on her desktop.

The drive towards his destination was filled with his denial of his current state of being. He kept convincing himself that truly, there was no problem with how he was living his life and that there was no reason for him to be alarmed, right? Upon arriving at the address, Carter’s confusion increased. He was standing in front of what looked like to be a residential building. 

Walking in front of the entrance, he noticed how the building seemed to be the location of some services — some doctor, lawyer, legal advice. He shrugged off his doubts and trusted Y/N’s words that he had an appointment here that he was putting off for some time. The lack of elevators in the premise prompted him to take on the two flights of stairs in order to reach room 207.

Knocking on the door, he heard someone give him permission to enter. A female receptionist immediately greeted him warmly, “Welcome, do you have an appointment?” Carter scratched his neck and looked around, trying to get a hint of what kind of appointment he was going to have. “Yeah, I believe a 2:45 appointment,” he replied meekly, which was unusual for him to sound like for he always needs to sound confident.

 As she nodded, her auburn wavy hair moved along with her and quickly typed on her computer, “Dr. Richards will see you know, it’s the door to your left.” She pointed at the door to which Carter followed his gaze at and mumbled a soft, “What?” to. 

Not sure what came over him, he did follow where the receptionist pointed to and found himself knocking on the door. “Hello, Mr. Baizen, come in and make yourself comfortable.” A woman kindly welcomed him as she opened the door and directed him to sit on the couch near a coffee table.

Once he sat down, the lady with salt and pepper hair immediately began to strike up a conversation, “So, how are you today, Mr. Baizen?” As she sat down on the opposite side of the coffee table, Carter noticed how she had a clipboard on her lap as she held a ballpen on one of her hands.

“Honestly? Confused. I don’t know why I’m here, my assistant just told me this was an appointment I’ve been holding back on,” he blurt out as he started to feel that his long sleeves were too tight on him, which prompted him to unclasp the top button as he settles both his hands on the arm rests of the couch.

The woman nodded and smiled warmly, “Y/N has been telling me for months how much she worried about your well-being. And that she was trying her best to convince you to see a therapist even though,” she was quickly cut off when Carter questioned, “Y/N? Therapist? What the hell are you talking about?”

Dr. Richards was silent for a few seconds, and Carter was waiting for her to admit that she was pulling his leg and that she really was a businesswoman who was interested to work with him. However, she was just really trying to piece together what was going on. 

“Y/F/N is one of my patients, and I am her psychologist. You know her as your assistant, yes?” She began her explanation, Carter nodded in confirmation and as a cue for her to continue, “One of the things she usually talks about during our sessions is her worry for your well-being. That you might be abusing certain substances as a coping mechanism. She told me how she desired for you to meet up with me, in order to address your issues and other possible problems.”

After hearing her explanation, Carter found himself with his mouth wide open in shock and disbelief. He didn’t think how serious Y/N really was when she said that she was concerned about him. That she would go out of her way to clear his schedule and book an appointment for him, it made him feel something that was weird and something he hadn't felt before — he just couldn’t name what it was.

“Well I’m here now so how does this work?” he managed to say as he shrugged his shoulders. Dr. Richards smiled in surprise and appreciation, in her point of view, it looked like he was willing to comply and cooperate with her. “Let’s start with you recalling your earliest memories with alcohol.”

Coughing up the promethazine

Living like an evergreen

Sorry for the things that I've done

Now Selena won't be friends with me

I was kissing Emily

I love you, it was never your fault

(Got me like)

Nursing a scotch, Carter laughed quietly as he recalled the events of earlier. 

He could not believe how he immediately opened up to Dr. Richards. How he told her that his father introduced him to alcohol at an early age and he saw it as their way of bonding. How he picked up on his father’s habits of turning to alcohol when they felt upset, confused, sad, or if he felt any emotion really. On how he fears he might turn up like him or worse. How he wants to continue to be successful in his business ventures.

Part of him is thankful for the appointment Y/N set up; it allowed him to be vulnerable and open up to someone who listened to him without judgement or careless replies. But the bigger part of him felt angry with her. Why did she think that he needed professional help or some shit?

A girl flirted with him earlier, to which he of course flirted back with. He suggested that they go back to his place to which she agreed but first she had to tell her friends about where she was going. Finishing up his scotch, he dropped a few bills on the counter, while another girl approached him.

In his distracted and preoccupied state, he asked, “You ready to go take this to the bedroom?” The girl looked taken aback, she had yet to mutter a word and yet he was already asking her to go home? Seemed like a win for her either way. She nodded and looped her arm around his and he guided her to where he parked her car.

The following morning, Y/N knocked on the bedroom door and hearing groans was her usual cue to enter the room. “Oh God, you didn’t mention you had someone with you.” She exclaimed as she avoided looking at the bed where Carter laid with his female companion and instead made a beeline to his closet to pick out his outfit.

“Selena, babe, you need to leave now,” Carter sweetly cooed to the woman beside him which was a contrast to what he wanted her to do. The girl shot up and slapped him, “Dick! My name’s Emily not Selena!” The slap added to his headache but he was relieved to see her wear her clothes from the previous night and hastily make her way out of the suite.

Carter removed the duvet from his body and stood up and walked to where Y/N was, he leaned against the wall, “You know I’m still mad about how you deceived me yesterday.” On cue, he was handed his outfit for the day as his assistant brushed past him, “And how exactly did I deceive you? I said that it was an appointment you were holding off on which is true because you scoff at the mere mention of help.”

He threw his clothes to the side and angrily snapped at her, “And what makes you think I need help huh? So what if I drink every now and then? Don’t think that equates to me having a problem!” She rolled her eyes and pointed a finger at him, “That right there is a problem! Your denial! You deny the idea that there’s a problem with how you always need alcohol! Not want, need. You deny the help I give you! You know what Dr. Richards told me following your appointment? She said that when you left you seemed a hundred pounds lighter!”

Carter’s jaw clenched and he looked cold, but he was just really trying to organize his thoughts and prevent himself from lashing out on Y/N. “I care for you, Carter,” she softly said as she was brushing her hand up and down his forearm, “I don’t want to see you lose everything you worked hard for. Or even worse, see you lose yourself.” 

His heart twisted upon hearing her say that. He never had someone genuinely care about him and go the extra mile in proving so. But there was something about the unfamiliarity with the situation that made him resort back to denying this kind of comfort and care. “You’re suspended from your duties for 2 weeks.”

She looked at him in disbelief at what he said, and if he was being honest he too was surprised with what he just told her. But there was no turning back now, was there? Her look of disbelief was only visible for a brief moment before she looked at him pointedly, “Fine. I’ll forward your schedule to Melissa and the other files you need.”

The sound of her heels clicking away made him look at her retreating form, he found himself following behind her with small and slow steps. Before she exited his bedroom, he gave her one last look as she bid farewell to him by saying, “I’m not sorry about what I did. Alcohol’s not the only thing that can be there for you, I’m always here for you, Carter. But I guess that’s not what you want.”

[itsmymono]

‘How Hard Can It Be?’ by Allison Pearson

A sequel to ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ that follows the story of Kate Reddy re-entering the workforce after resting from it to fulfill her responsibility as a mother of 2 and a daughter to both her mother and mother-in-law. The problem is she’s turning 50 in few months and she had to lie about her age in the resume to be accepted by the company. She also has to deal with her naive daughter, irresponsible husband while being in a ‘not unhappy’ marriage and reappearance of her first lover, Jack.

I did not know this book was a sequel but I could understand the storyline without reading the first book.

This was a long read for me that I even had a reading slump while finishing this book. This book did not interest me maybe because it carries the point of view of a middle-aged woman. However, the character of Kate Reddy just drives me to finish this book as she is such a selfless woman by wishing that Kate is going to have a happy ending in this story.

She thinks a lot about her children, Emily & Ben. I adore their cute relationship where her kids just fell into her arms although they could appear tough with Kate at times. There are many times I just want to smack them for being rude to Kate after everything she did for them. I could just melt away with all the cute nicknames Kate called them. She is such a lovely mother and a great one for being able to make her children comfortable enough to share with her.

Towards the ending, the development Kate had with Jack kind of got me hooked on how the story going to unfold for them. Love has once again starts to bloom between them or should I say it never dies. She deserves this for her happiness after being a supermom and a single parent most of the time. Richard is such a useless husband for not making effort in their unhappy marriage. His selfishness in putting his desire by cheating with another woman while on his counselling session. I guess it gives way to Kate to not let Jack go anymore and she should start thinking about her happiness too.

Ever since the reappearance of Jack, I could not help but like him and was hoping for a happy ending for them both because he is just too good with words. There are times I felt giddy like a teenager hoping something to happen between them. Not to forget he’s wealthy too. Sounds too good to be true but I could truly see some hope in the ending.

[welcometotheocverse]

Who would be friends with - Regina Gilmore, Grace Kim, and Richie Gilmore? 🥺

Regina Gilmore

Elliot would be friends with her I think, he might be a bit nervous because of his and Emily’s relationship ( Emily often very obviously prefers Rory because El sides with his mom and disapproves of how they treat her especially in s1) but once he figures out she’s nice and especially  because Friday Night Dinners give him hella anxiety he’d see her as a friend and family and probably bond with her pretty fast. I can see him lighting up when he sees her and forming a bond with her like he does with @randomestfandoms-ocs ‘s Sophie. Especially because they both go to Chilton. El would also be super supportive of her dating Grace ( since he and Lane are pretty close he’d probably know Grace too) and she’d probably be one of the first people he comes out to. 

Kit is also good at charming people and getting along with them ( he takes after his mamma) and would be pretty psyched he has an aunt that’s also his age. He isn’t thrilled about being at Chilton or the Friday Night Dinners ( he’s not academic like Rory so he has uh...less Emily And Richard Aprove..ness ( Kit: yeah that’s a thing now) ) but he’d love Regina and getting to see her. I can see them becoming friends.

Hope would  adore her and also since I get the feeling your Emily and Richard are nicer and we would merge verses in an xover I think it would actually lead to her reconnecting with  her parents sooner ;A;. ( in her canon it kind of ...yoyos as she’s mainly there to call them out on how they treat Lorelai) She’d very much try her best to get along with them for Hope as she does for Lorelai and Rory and be super supportive of her baby sister like if anyone looks crooked at her she’ll bring a house down on them omg. Also they have similar tastes from having grown up in the Gilmore household. Also the Power they would have together omg im here for it.

Amelia would like her because she’s family and Amelia’s a pretty kind kid. I can see her keeping in contact with Regina even as her own relationship with her grandparents is a bit on the rocks at times ( the wedding episode’s...gonna be rough for her) and she would be so interested in getting to know her and think she’s p awsome. She’d also support her and Grace and probably squeal when they get together. ( because it means Regina would be around stars hollow more often and she loves her and Grace and they’re happy ) 

Noah because he’s a good boyfriend to Rory and would get to know her family. Noah’s a pretty chill dude so he gets along with people easily and they both have hearts of gold. He would also know Grace since he goes to Stars Hollow High and would be happy for them. I’m not sure if he goes to Yale yet but I do know he visits Rory there and of course eventually  fall for Logan so I can see them being in the same circles at times and keeping in contact.

Grace Kim

Elliot!: Elliot is close to Lane and would definitely be friends with Grace too. He might actually be closer to her than Lane because his whole thing is he feels isolated being one of the few not-straight ppl he knows of in Stars Hollow and he’d definitely be supportive of her dating Regina and be there to make sure she knows her happiness matters if Mama Kim doesn’t approve. 

Kit like Elliot would have grown up with her and gets along with Lane so he’d be friends with Grace too! They could bond over going heart eyes for Hartford socialites lol ( Regina for Grace and Tristan for Kit) and Kit would be supportive of her writing like a lot and sibling adopt her like he does Lane.

Lily since she grew up with Rory and Lane would know Grace and be friends with her. She’s a bit prickly but she’s incredibly ride or die and since they would have met as kids, Grace would pretty much be in her circle and have seen her when she was less so. 

Amelia would be friends with her since she considers Lane family and would think her writing is so cool. She’d be super supportive of her dating Regina since  she’d see her as family already. Also Amelia likes songwriting so I can see them bonding over that.

Noah since he goes to Stars Hollow High and would be in Rory’s ( and Lane’s) orbit. They don’t have too many interests in common but I still think they’d still be friends. 

Richie Gilmore

Elliot! Listen I’ve thought about them being brothers a lot and it’d be so stinking cute. El is younger by a few minutes but they confide in each other and El would actually come around to support his decision to date Paris because yeah she’s mean to him and Brad but “you’re my brother Rich of course I want you to be happy.” El also has a pretty bitter view of Cristopher despite him being a soft aro ace fluff so they could bond over that. Also they both love Andrew’s bookstore and are into STEM careers. 

Kit would get along with him and support his as he does Rory. Kit’s a bit chaotic so I feel like who’s older wouldn’t matter lol but they’re brothers and Kit would be very ride or die for Richie. 

Lily since she grew up around Rory would see Richie as a sibling too. He’d be one of the few people she opens up to and would absolutely love him. Especially because he learns to cook from Sookie I can see them hanging out and bonding. He’ be one of the few people she isn’t angry/defensive around and they could bond over how much they hate their fathers. 

Sophia: Since she runs away from Harford around season 1 I can see her bonding with Richie. She had a pretty lonely childhood and had no siblings ( I mean Lorelai but hella distant for obvious reasons) and she bonds pretty quickly with Rory in her own canon. She’d probably be a bit jealous that her parents like him and Rory so much when her own relationship is strained with them but over all she’d see him as family. And she very much wants family. 

Noah because  he’s a good boyfriend to Rory Noah would make it a point to get to know Richie and I can see them getting along tbh. Noah’s a pretty chill dude and he needs friends who don’t really know him as “the Doose kid that had a meltdown” thanks to the town humor mill lol. They could be soft disaster boys together ;A;

Henry would love him as we’ve said before these two would wind up adopting each other. He ends up loving going to Andrew’s bookstore when he settles into the town so I can see them finding each other there and Henry just lighting up at seeing Richie. 

Hope would love him like she does Lorelai and Rory and be very much “if anyone so much as looks as this kid crooked I will end them.” She’d make it a point to encourage his dreams and ask about how he’s doing. 

Amelia would adore her big brother to pieces, thought she’d be able to pick up on his feelings about her being Luke’s bio kid. As far as she’s concerned he and Rory are his siblings no question. She also would admire the fact that he tells Lorelai and Luke to get it together because boy howdy do the arguments between those two give her whiplash sometimes. 

Here’s the Gilmore Girls Masterlist!

Send me one of your ocs and I’ll tell you which of mine would be friends with them

[vln-vibes]

Ephemeral Flowers

WEEK 3 DAY 7 of Maribat March; BROKEN Part of Staying Whelmed and Erable.

Ships: Dickinette, AdriKon, NatMarc

Summary: They won. Earth was saved from the Reach... but at what cost?

Paris, France June 20, 12:20 CEST

“Everyone get to the shelters!” 

Adrien was lucky he was already out when this disaster began. His mom had called to see if he’d been alright, he felt an uneasy squeeze to his heart when he told her that he was in the safety of the Bourgeois hotel; he never liked lying to his mom before, but he didn’t have the choice right now. Not especially after he just got her back.

Somehow, he thought six hurricanes surrounding the Eiffel tower and making their way around the city was easier to handle than their Final Stand barely a month ago.

“You think this has anything to do with the Reach?”

“Most likely, Chaton” Ladybug’s voice was in his ear, the team going around and helping the citizens head to previously designated akuma shelters. Ryuuko had activated Wind Dragon form to try and contain the hurricanes in one place, but they seemed to be more powerful than the average hurricane… y'know, considering there were six.

“Any word from the Team?” Bunnix asked.

“Guys, I know what's causing these things!” Viperion’s voice was hard to hear, a lot of interference where he was. All their devices got pings, each of them showing an oval shaped device floating in the air with a swarm of drones surrounding it, currently in statis.

“What the hell are those things?” Monarch asked, indigo locks, where normally red hair was, blew wildly in the air.

“I’d say that looks pretty alien to me” Paon responded, their embroidered royal blue mask shaping to the same furrowed brow they had. “It's like the Reach’s final present to Earth, if anything. Y’know, one last kick to the heroes and all that.”

“Mon ange, now is not the time to think of how fitting this would be in a writing point of view”

“Look, it's either this or panicking.”

“It.. a.. Eiffel….attack..g hurry!” Viperion’s signal was beginning to cut out, but they all got the idea.

Paris, France June 21, 05:16 CEST

The Dupain-Chengs watched as the Justice league announced that the reach had been defeated; the world was now safe.

The world panicked as machines began to pop up in different places of the world, two even in Paris, but were dealt with by their own heroes. Many had wondered if they would continue once Hawkmoth was defeated, but they continued to protect their home. It was of no real surprise when they teamed up with the other heroes to take down the Reach. But something deep within told them that all was not well when the announcement was made.

“The Reach is being sent back into space and will be awaiting trial Green Lantern Corp.” Captain Atom announced as the crowd began to cheer, but his face was not one of celebration. Wonder Woman taking his place at the podium, sadness and acceptance in her eyes before speaking.

“But it was not without a cost; Today we mourn and celebrate the lives of the Parisian heroes who gave their lives to save the planet”

A hologram appearing behind them, one by one appearing as she said their codenames;

“Souris,Tyger, Paon, Monarch, Bunnix, Taurus, Roi Singe, Pegasus, Ryuko, Viperion, Carapace, Queen Bee, Rena Rouge, Chat Noir and Ladybug.”

The permanent smile on the holograms made Sabine’s heart ache, those young heroes who’d been protecting Paris for more than five years. They had finally defeated their villain only for them to parish.

But she knew there was more to it. She might have been paranoid, but a mother’s instinct was never wrong

“Oh their poor families,” Tom said, shedding a few tears for their beloved heroes. A knock on the door interrupting their solemn thoughts, going downstairs to open it they were surprised to see a red eyed Richard with his younger brother, Tim, and friends, Artemis and Wally.

“Richard? Is everything alright?” Sabine tried calming her voice, but alarms rang in her head as she noticed their matching expressions. The same look of guilt and regret as no one dared look her in the eye.

“I-It’s about Marinette “ Richard softly spoke, the group silently entering the apartment. “I think you need to sit down for this, both of you”

Tom and Sabine shared a look, both instinctively knowing that they would not be seeing their little girl for a long time.

“... She wanted to tell you for so long” Artemis’ voice cracked, handing them a small device. Sabine cradled it in her hands, one last thing from their daughter she was sure. Pressing the sole button on the device a hologram popped up before them; Marinette was there from the waist up, as though she had been sitting when recording this message, the only identifiable item of clothing was a black zipped up half-jacket.

‘Hi maman, papá. If you’re seeing this then it must mean that my mission is complete or I gave it my best til the bitter end’ her little girl looked so tired, as though the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Had she always looked like that?

``I don’t know how long I have before our final fight, but I gave it to Dick so he’d give it to you guys just in case. For nearly the past seven years, I have been at the front of what seemed to be an endless war. I’m sure I’ve changed, hopefully into a respectable woman that will make you proud. The truth is…’

‘Please don’t.’ Sabine stubbornly thought as the tears welled up in her eyes, her husband's squeeze on her hand tightened as they heard her next line, a familiar mask being placed on her face. The world froze and her blood grew cold.

‘I am Ladybug; wielder of the Miraculous of Luck and Creation, Guardian of Miracles and Protector of Paris. I wanted to tell you for so long, but with Hawkmoth out and about I just𑁋I just couldn’t! I couldn’t allow you to suffer, knowing I was out there everyday  risking my life because of some maniac with too much power in his hands. I didn’t want your lives in danger because of my selfishness.’

Their sobs echoed in the now too empty house, regardless of the other guests in the room who accompanied them in silent tears.

‘I hope you can forgive me for having to learn this way. I can only pray I made you proud. Know that wherever I am, I’ll always love you. Signing out, your daughter Marinette Dupain-Cheng.’

Paris, France June 21, 05:16 CEST

Conner Kent hated the news he had to give.

But he owed it to Adrien.

He stepped into the gates of the newly named Graham de Vanily Manor, knowing that it was late, but hearing soft speaking voices come from inside. Part of him wished that he had agreed to let someone come with him, but he knew that there’d be other places that need visiting.

Too many.

As he softly knocked on the door, knowing its residents could hear him, Conner felt like he would throw up. The last look of those emerald eyes haunted him and made his heart ache.

He heard the heavy doors open and thought he saw a ghost.

“A-Adrien?” he felt his throat tighten before noticing the differences; this new figure was taller, leaner, hair platinum blonde instead of honey, green eyes with specks of gray.

“No. I’m his cousin, Felix,” the lean man asked, clearly perturbed by the fact that a complete stranger was knocking at their doors at five in the morning.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Can I come in, it’s about Adrien” Conner could hear his spiked heartbeat as he moved to the side and beckoned him to the family room. 

In the room were three figures, two of them looking nearly identical if for differences in hues and a few hardly noticeable grays on the paler one (then again losing your sister and husband would do that to you). It explained why Felix looked so similar to him, at first glance they could be mistaken for twins. The other was a big burly figure, bigger than himself.

He knew Emelie Graham de Vanily and Guillaume ‘Gorilla’ Durand. He could only guess that the other woman was Amelie, the aunt that lived in England with his cousin that Adrien would sometimes talk about.

“Conner.” Emelie caught his attention from her wheelchair next to her sister. He hadn’t known her for long, mostly through stories he was told, until she was woken up; then he was introduced as Adrien’s boyfriend.

“Mrs. Grah- I mean Emelie” 

Conner couldn’t do this.

He didn’t want to.

But they deserved to know the truth.

“It’s fine dear. I’m afraid Adrien was going to spend the night with Chloe when that disaster started.” her eyes clearly worried, looking out the window, the first few rays of sunshine peeking through this somber morning.

“I hope they were fine” Amelie sighed in agreement, “Can I offer you something to drink?”

“No. No it’s fine, thank you” he took a deep breath, not wanting to allow his own emotions to overcome him. 

“I need to speak to you about Adrien.” Everyone’s heartbeat elevated as he did nothing to hide the somber tone in his voice, and Conner wanted to hate his super hearing. 

“Adrien left this behind. In case anything happened, he wanted for you to read it before letting anyone else say anything.” he pulled out a black envelope, in silver cursive it said, ‘To my Family’

“Co-Conner, what is this about?” Emilie’s hands shook as she got a hold of the thing, as though she were afraid it would burn her.

“I think you should read the letter first.”

‘Hey fam,

I know I just got you back, which is why I’m sorry this had to happen. What I’ve been doing this past half decade has been a real wild ride. After what happened with mom, Gabriel practically locked me up in the mansion, only letting me leave whenever it was for his convenience. I was just the trophy son, I wonder if he ever loved me.

Life is full of unexpected turns, one minute you feel like you’re locked up in the highest tower by an evil witch, the next you’re on the adventure of a lifetime with the best friend you can ever ask for.

There’s a lot of things I regret not doing; not stopping Chloe from becoming a total brat and bully when we were younger, not going to uncle Arthur’s funeral, being complicit in Gabriel’s will and therefore Lila’s and especially harassing one of my best friends because I couldn’t take no for an answer just like that man. 

I regret not telling you that I am Chat Noir, the Black Cat of Misfortune and Destruction and  Protector of Paris.

I hope you can forgive me for not coming out with the truth sooner but m’lady and I had already come to an agreement to not tell our families in fear that they’d be targeted by Hawkmoth; can you imagine what would have happened?

Even with all of that over and done with, the risk was too high, and honestly I didn’t know how to casually bring it up in conversation. Oops.’

Emelie’s voice cracked as she choked on a laugh, her vision too blurry to see what the next word was, quickly engulfed by her sister in a hug as she passed the note to Felix. His own eyes were bloodshot but he refused to let any tears run until he finished reading.

‘Most importantly I regret not proposing to Kon.’ 

Conner felt his heart stop. The world was spinning around as the line repeated in his head; did everything always look so blurry?

``I was going to ask mom for her ring, but I thought it’d be better for a wedding. I even started wedding planning with Mr. Dupain-Cheng, did you know he’s a hopeless romantic?. Mari thought I was insane when she helped me pick out the ring. We got it custom made too; Tungsten𑁋 one of the strongest metals on Earth, it’s harder than Steel!

I had hoped to give it to him myself but things don’t always turn out the way we want them to and I’ve learned that that’s okay. I lived my life to the fullest and experienced things no others have; pretty cool I’d say.

Forever your little cat waiting for his knight,

Adrien Agreste Graham de Vanily’

Conner hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt a small object placed in his hand, Felix having placed it as he shook in an attempt to suppress his tears. Connor realized that it was the ring Adrien had gotten him.

The mansion was filled with sniffling, the shadow of a cat seemingly looming over them.

The WatchTower  June 20, 07:16 EDT

Lex Luthor did not think everything would go to shit with the Reach so quickly. Neither he nor the Light trusted those aliens as much as Superman could throw them; that is to say they were just using them and planned on backstabbing them once their usefulness was done.

Not only had they killed one of the members of the Light, not that any of them thought he’d be gone for long, but they had also planned to betray the Light as well.

He convinced the most likely fired United Nations secretary general Zhang in order to call the League; he may not like them but he also enjoyed living on Earth… maybe until they find a sustainable planet to move their society to should anything happen.

“Luthor! What are you𑁋”

“ Secretary Zhang was kind enough to let me borrow his frequency,” he decided to ignore Captain Atom’s outrage and cut to the chase. “As I have a possible solution to our mutual problem”

“A problem created by you and the Light when they collaborated to bring the Reach to Earth.”

“But as I believe you know, the Light always planned to betray the Reach. Lexcorp𑁋”

“I think that’s enough of that Luthor,” the man could say he was surprised by the sudden appearance of the Parisian superheroes who’d “recently debuted” after defeating a magical terrorist that had been rampaging for the past years. He hated having not known that, apparently it was something no one in the Light knew.

Though Vandal Savage and Ra’s al Ghul gave interesting looks when finally catching glimpses of them.

“We have already created a solution, one that needs no help from the likes of you,” Ladybug’s eyes glowed red as she looked at Luthor, a ladybug themed flash drive on Nightwing’s hand.

“And trust that the Light will see justice for their crimes”

With that Chat Noir cut the transmission, the team turned back to Blue Beetle as he continued to create Reach Tech eggs, as per Ladybug’s instructions, and Pegasus transferred the flash drive's information into them.

“Alright guys, we have 19 Magnetic Field Disruptors to destroy and stop the world from ending”

They distributed the eggs with groups of two going up against each MFD; one as cover while the other went to disable the device. There were barely enough heroes available as the majority had gone out to help with rescue of the citizens.

“I love it when she takes charge like that.” Nightwing sighed before helping distribute the eggs and sending the teams to their designated areas.

Paris, France June 21, 05:16 CEST

Kaldur’ahm found himself in front of a ship, The Liberty. He never ceased to feel like it matched Luka’s easy-going attitude.

As he boarded the ship he could see some water remaining from the storms earlier, quickly using his hydrokinesis to throw it back into the river.

He was procrastinating.

He walked down the deck towards the door leading to the cabin. With a swift knock on the door, he could not hear anyone approaching; that’s when he noticed the bell. 

He needed to deliver the news.

He pulled on the rope as the bell chimed loudly, a muffled yelling coming from within. A woman with graying hair in a messy braid came out, although tired, there was a clear resemblance to them in the way she currently looked like she’d skin him alive and feed him to the fishes for waking her so early. It was a few times he’d seen the siblings genuinely angry and he could say it matched the woman before him.

“What’re ya doing on my Liberty so early?” she wipes the sleepiness from her eyes and adjusted her glasses. Despite how carefree she’d been described, he couldn’t help but think she looked older than she should.

Oh right.

She became a single mother of two at barely thirty years.

“My name is Kaldur'ahm, a friend of Luka and Juleka. I am… sincerely sorry. I am afraid I did not come bearing good news” the woman, Anarka Couffaine, looked alert and like she was about to fight him. He gave her the item the siblings entrusted the team to deliver should anything happen.

Luka and Juleka had left a song. 

Anarka did not hesitate to go down to her children’s room , an old radio with a DVD player being used to play the song; Luka’s soft guitar strums soon became accompanied by Juleka’s gentle voice.

Happiness and joy

Sorrow and sadness

You and I

We shared them together

Shared for a time

But suddenly faltered

Flowers of a dream

Anarka slowly sank onto the floor, Kaldur holding her to the best of his abilities as silent tears. As soon as the strums of the guitar started she knew what it meant; she had learned to understand her husband, and then her son's way of communicating after all.

A field of grass

Leads to heaven

A gentle wind passed by

When you gave a smile

Nothing to fear

Forever in my heart

Blooming flowers prevail

“H-How did they… ?” Anarka’s broken voice softly spoke as the music continued.

Despite what Nightwing had said earlier, he couldn’t help but blame himself; if they had captured all of them earlier, then perhaps the Reach would not have gotten the chance to implement the MFDs. If they had detected the two remaining at the poles, then none of this would be happening…

“They were heroes.”

Paris, France June 21, 05:25 CEST

Batgirl and Impulse were there at the Kante residence only for Claudie to beat them to the punch.

“Max programmed Markov to tell me everything if his vitals couldn’t be detected anymore” her sad but proud smile did nothing to help them feel less guilty for the single mother.

Wonder Girl stood in awkward silence as Eden and Roux Lavillant-Piaf reacted to the news of their daughter’s death. The two men taking comfort in each other's presence as they cradled one another, Eden humming a tune she thought was familiar while Roux shed silent tears, one she later realized was one of Souris’ favorite songs; La vie en Rose.

Kid Flash didn’t know what to take of Kagami’s note;

‘I do not need that woman’s tears, nor those of whom call themselves my family. I would rather tell the Dupain-Chengs or Couffeine, however, if these are being delivered they are already heavily burdened. Knowing my friends shall mourn my loss is enough’

He also didn’t know what to make of Nathaniel’s request;

‘Don’t tell my family about Monarch. I doubt they’d even care’

The beautiful smell of the land that lingers in our history

Sands of black that color every little corner

I saw eternity only once, but I realize it cannot be kept in sight

Paris, France June 21, 05:30 CEST

Bumblebee was not surprised by Abeille’s video to her parents or even the fact that she was ‘fired’ by Audrey Bourgeois. When Guardian asked her about it she just shook her head in somber.

“Some people mourn differently”

“I always knew my little Marc was a hero” Mrs. Anciel, Paon’s grandmother if Garfield remembers correctly, said as she sat in her rocking chair in a daze “I just never thought it’d be so literally”

The Le family had just thanked L’gann with clear tears forming in their eyes after giving them a letter in a language he did not recognize. It wouldn't be until after that he learned Roi Singe’s native tongue was Vietnamese .

Our lives are truly in a world of wonder

A poem of my life - it's a pretty song to remember

We already acted a thousand lives

For the briefest moment in our long history

Paris, France June 21, 06:16 CEST

Robin, Tigress, Blue Beetle and Miss Martian felt their hearts heavy.

They had decided to be the ones to inform the Cesaires, Kubdel and Lahiffes of what happened to their daughters and son.

They were the only heroes apart from the Couffaines that had siblings.

“If I had never given her that watch” Mr. Kubdel buried his face in his hands.

“You didn’t know but maybe she did… She was always a spitfire, I don’t think we could have stopped her if we tried” Jalil told his father. Neither men wailed, they simply hugged each other for a while.

“No! She𑁋She can’t be gone!” Ella and Etta had viciously tried to beat at Tigress as he kneeled down to them. The hug she gave the twins seemed to trigger the waterworks as they devolved to sobbing.

“I couldn’t protect her…”

“You can’t blame yourself for this” Blue Beetle tried consoling Nora as she sat on the couch, hand on her head as she hid her face from everyone; he knew that if he heard about Milagro he’d feel the same. 

“He’s too lame to be a hero!” Chris yelled out “You’re lying!”

“You know we’re not,” Miss Martian said soothingly from her place with Ms.Lahiffe, trying to help the crying woman.

“I hate him! I hate him!” Chris’ yelling got louder 

“No you don’t” Robin spoke next to him, “No matter how much you fight, no matter how much you get on each others’ nerves, no matter how much you wish you’d never see him again… You still love him. He’ll always be your big brother”

“How would you know?” Chris’ voice cracked as he finally realized that his denial would do nothing to bring Nino back.

“Because I lost my big brother too”

I love you; I miss all of you

No warning what had happened then

I won't ever say goodbye

Metropolis June 20, 08:30 EST

“So now that Hawkmoth’s gone are coming back to Gotham?” Robin asked from behind Taurus, the hero engaging in a fight with one of the drones, headbutting it into the other one.

“Don’t know replacement,” he grunted “I kinda like it there, but I do miss the English language, as annoying as it is”

“Well,” Robin continued, using his bo-staff to push away the drone blocking the main device, “You know you always have a place back home, right?”

With one last dash he pressed his egg onto the MFD, deactivating their device. The two heroes looked at each other proudly as Taurus smirked.

“Yeah I know”

Birds are singing

Clouds are drifting

Trees are rustling

They cover the night

Gotham City June 20, 08:30 EST

“Hey Ma fée?”

Nightwing leaped across the street, throwing an EMP on one of the drones before Ladybug used her yo-yo to throw them away.

“Yes, Mon coeur?” Ladybug looked at him curiously

“I was thinking” he touched the MFD with the egg, letting the machine fall onto the Gotham street, “Maybe it's time we take a break from the whole hero business. I doubt we’ll be able to fully take off the capes like Wally but𑁋”

The two shared a tender kiss, the last strike of lightning disappearing from the Gotham sky.

North Magnetic Pole June 20, 13:50 UTC

They missed two MFDs.

Their locations blocked them from the initial search until Blue Beetle and Tyger told them that there were still two out there in separate parts of the world.

Ladybug had volunteered her Team to go, originally just planning to go by herself and Chat Noir while Rena Rouge and Carapace could get the other; Viperion and Bunnix immediately objected and instead her whole team was deployed to go.

They were herself, Monarch, Paon, Taurus, Viperion, Ryuuko, Tyger and Souris. The other team was Chat Noir, Rena Rouge, Carapace, Abeille, Bunnix, Pegasus and Roi Singe. Pegasus would teleport both teams to their destinations due to the simple fact that there were no Zetas in the Arctic or Antarctic.

She would lead the team to the North Magnetic Pole; Chat Noir would go to the South Magnetic Pole.

“We’re too late…” 

Ladybug’s crestfallen expression was felt by her team as they watched the Magnetic Field disruptor reach its chrysalis state as they watched the ice cave collapse in on itself. The Earth will fall in a new ice age… 

South Magnetic Pole June 20, 13:50 UTC

“Both MFDs have reached Chrysalis state” Chat Noir informed the Watchtower. He didn’t think it would all end like this.

After everything they went to, after finally defeating Hawkmoth, after finally getting his mother back and the literal end of the world had to happen.

‘No! This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!’ Plagg’s voice echoed in his head, ‘We can still stop this if we combine our powers’

“Ladybug, is Tikki𑁋?”

“Yes, she also says we can do it.” Ladybug’s steeled voice responded before he finished asking.

They could still save the world, they could still stop the Reach from winning.

But Chat Noir knew better than to think that there would be no consequences to their wild plans.

“Are you in, Noir?” 

“Always, my Lady”

Adrien could only hope they could forgive him, and that the letter would get back to them in safety before feeling his consciousness merge with the god’s.

Time passes by

With merciless pride

The sun will rise again

Mount Justice Remains June 21, 00:02 EST

Batman found the need to stop himself from gaping at the remains of Mount Justice. Sure it had been sabotaged and destroyed partially before, but now it was gone.

All of it thrown with chunks of rock and metal scattered around the beach.

As he and the others descended with help from the Green Lanterns, Hal and John. He couldn’t help but fear it was too late. 

They were too late.

“By the Gods” Diana gasped, suddenly clutching at her head, “Something is wrong”

With a gust of wind they were greeted by Flash, followed by Miss Martian’s bioship landing on the beach. One by one the Team came in various forms of disarray and emotionally compromised.

“Oh” Martian Manhunter sumbered, likely reacting off of the wave of sadness the teenagers made no effort to hide. Batman missed the look of remorse and sympathy sent his way.

“What happened?” He hadn’t meant to growl it out, but there were only so many reasons why the whole team would feel this way; there were casualties.

Batgirl and Nightwing could barely look his way before Robin decided to take a step forward. Tim had always been able to push aside emotions better than Barbara or Dick.

Our lives are truly in a world of wonder

A poem of my life - it's a pretty song to remember

We already acted a thousand lives

For the briefest moment in our long history

“The Reach left one last surprise for Earth in an attempt to cover their tracks; Magnetic Field Disruptors meant to cause natural disaster before forcing the next ice age. All but two MFDs had been deactivated, each located at the two poles. By the time we arrived they were already at their chrysalis stage. Those sent were able to deactivate them… at a cost” Tim choked out as he heard Diana, Kal and Sheyra take sharp breaths, it had to be bad for him to get so emotional.

“Robin?” Batman kneeled as he placed a hand on the younger’s shoulder.

“T-There were no survivors B”

“... Who was dispatched?” Diana asked, fists clenched in frustration of being too late and having others pay the consequence.

Batman must have been too distracted by Tim’s state to have noticed Nightwing launch himself into his arms and silently cry.

“I’m sorry Batman.” Flash stepped forward, and he knew Barry well enough that the man was probably holding back tears. Batman felt a familiar sense of dread build up inside him; the last time he felt this way had been when….

“Team Miraculous was sent.” 

Bioship June 20, 13:55 UTC

“Whatever they’re doing, it's working!” Atom’s voice could be heard on the comms as Miss Martian, Kid Flash, Tigress, Robin and Nightwing sped as fast as they could to the North Magnetic Pole. Aqualad, Superboy, Impulse and Blue Beetle made their way with Sphere to the South Magnetic Pole.

“The power’s too strong” they could hear Chat Noir mutter with Plagg’s familiar echo.

“Can’t stop! Won’t stop now!” Ladybug gritted out as the interference with their comms got stronger.

“AHH!” The sudden screams made their blood freeze as they could only think of the worst case scenario.

“It’s not time, not yet!” their mantras continued as the static became painful.

Both groups made it to their destinations as the bright white light of the MFDs became tinged with color. The rainbow of lights shot up higher in the air before a similar bridge of light joined it, both Team’s powers combining in that moment.

“They’re doing it!” M’gann and Bart cheered before Jaime and Tim interrupted.

“Something’s wrong!”

“What do you mean fade!”

Suddenly the light began to expand, encasing the heroes inside before their figures began to shimmer and break.

With one last look the lights gave one last powerful glow, it dissipated, spreading a warmth like that of a hug to each of them.

But by the time each group managed to look, the cold finally seemed to reach them.

There was nothing left behind.

Paris, France June 26, 10:00 CEST

The official story was a kidnapping.

The teenagers that disappeared some time last week during what many had taken to calling “The Reach Invasion”; Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Adrien Graham de Vanily, Luka and Juleka Couffaine, Chloe Bourgeois, Kagami Tsurugi, Alya Cesair, Nino Lauffey, Max Kante, Le Chien Kim, Alix Kubdel, Nathaniel Kutzberg, Marc Anciel, Rose Lavillant and Jason Todd-Wayne. The fourteen children and single adult had been caught up during the chaos of the Reach’s invasion and had been taken when looking for shelter. 

There is always a little truth in every lie.

The amount of missing children cases in general had been increasing since the Reach had arrived on Earth, but even after sending them off to Oa they had yet to find evidence of all of them. Only a small percentage had been freed, now having to undergo Metahuman training, and sent back home or relocated. 

Over half had been deemed unsatisfactory and were subsequently terminated.

But that still left about forty percent of potential victims to be found and rescued.

But their parents knew that their little heroes would not be part of that percentage.

They had saved their planet at the ultimate sacrifice.

“Today… We would like to honor the fallen heroes of Paris by lifting a new statue in their memory for all their services… One that is long overdue and that we can only hope they will see from wherever they are'' Mayor Bourgois spoke, though his eyes seemed so far off, not that anyone would blame him after they caught word of his daughter’s disappearance. There was a major turnout for the unveiling, it seemed as though all of Paris was present; guests like Jagged Stone, Clara Nightingale, Bruce Wayne and his sons Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, Oliver Queen and his newly found son Roy Harper, Lex Luthor, Prince Ali of Achu, Audrey Bourgois and reporters like Lois Lane, Cat Grant and Iris West-Allan were in charge of reporting live.

The statue was golden, each hero caught as though they were in the middle of action with it’s two longest heroes in the center, the rest surrounding them for a 360 effect; 

Ladybug and Chat Noir back to back, one with her scarlet yo-yo flying midair and the other using his baton to jump like a cat with a black gloved hand behind him. On Ladybug’s side was Viperion strumming his harp, his arm’s bangle glowing turquoise, while on Chat Noir’s was Rena Rouge caught playing the orange flute in the middle of a leap. Next was the newest heroes Monarch and le Paon on Ladybug’s side, one with a white with purple butterfly about to fly away from his outstretched hand, the other blowing into a single blue feather, while Tyger and Souris were on Chat’s, Souris also leaping while using her pink jump rope and Tyger getting ready to roar, magenta claws cusping around her mouth. Roi Singe was in the back of Ladybug and Chat Noir, his yellow glowing bo staff frozen mid twirl before calling for “Uproar”, assisting him was Bunnix, using her umbrella with a baby blue glow at the tip as a sword, and Pegasus with his horseshoe boomerang, arm encircled with a blue ring. Ryuko, in the middle of transforming into Wind Dragon form, with her ruby sword at hand and Abeille, launching her glowing spinning top, charging into the fray. On the sides were Carapace, with his shield armed up in front of them, the beginnings of his shield being formed in a translucent green glass, and Taurus, with his fists in the middle of punching and eyes glowing red, defending the group from oncoming attacks.

“I’m so sorry,” Dick found himself whispering once the ceremony was done and everyone had left their offerings. If only he had done better; if only he had asked them to join the raid; if only they had caught everyone instead of leaving them divided and scattered;

The rose gold ring weighed heavily in his pocket.

I love you; I miss all of you

No warning what had happened then

I won't ever say goodbye

They talked about what would happen in the future; neither saw themselves leaving the hero business anytime soon, it was too hard to after so long. She  had dreams of becoming a top-tier designer while he wasn’t sure what he’d do. They jokingly said he’d be a stay-at-home father or a model for her line.

Now none of that would be happening.

“He looks different from when he was Robin” he heard Tim whisper, melancholy and reminiscence, in his look as he stared at Taurus. Definitely more brute stregth and hands on but that look of mischief and cockiness were the same as Robin II. 

“He was always a little shit” Dick laughed softly, remembering that they’d be adding the Miraculous team to the new Grotto at the Watchtower, Jason’s being specially made to display both his time as Robin and Taurus.

Today would be his last day at the Watchtower for a while.

He was tired, after all of this, and was ready for a break. He knew Conner also planned on doing the same thing while Artemis was coming back to active duty despite Wally’s reluctance. He wasn’t too sure about his best friend, but the redhead insisted that he wanted to get his degree first before going back to the hero business, even part time, he even began hinting that Dick could go to college and try and get a semblance of normal life; they both knew it was in vain but neither said anything.

But before any of that he still had business to take care of.

Paris, France June 19, 00:20 CEST

Marinette woke up in a cold sweat.

The same nightmare she’d been having for the past week.

Her Team would fall for the sake of the world.

“I think we both know what this means Mari,” Adrien said silently as they watched the Parisian night atop of the Eiffel Tower.

“I don’t want it to come true” Marinette could feel the tears starting to sting her eyes.

“Then we’ll do our best to stop it” Adrien’s determined face made a soft smile appear; something told her that as hard as they’d try it wouldn’t change a thing.

But it was nice to hope.

“Why should we make these goodbye messages?” Chloe asked skeptically that morning after the team had gathered. They had just been told to do them or write any  requests for someone to follow if anything should happen to them. After all Marinette and Adrien had finished theirs.

"Come on Chlo, just do it."

"Better to do it than regret not doing it."

"Think of it as a little thing to look back at when we come back after missions. A motivation to come back and destroy it"

They just hoped they’d be forgiven.

Paris, France June 26, 12:30 CEST

Walking into the Dupain-Cheng household he found that it was much colder than anytime he’d come to visit. Sabine and Tom had let him in with no hassle, the duo still reeling in the fact that Marinette was gone, he was too. They made little small talk for once, just checking to see how the others were doing and to not be strangers, before they excused themselves to meet up with Tom’s parents. Dick went up to the familiar step of stairs and opened the familiar hatch.

Her room looked the same as it ever did except it was missing a certain shine, an aura of creativity. He supposed that with the owner of the room and the goddess of Creation missing that would happen.

Her scattered design sketches and pieces of fabric reminded him of the latest project she told him about. Balls of yarn from when she started knitting or would use to play with the Kwami, and Adrien from time to time. Schedule reminding him of all the plans they had for once Hawkmoth was caught.

He made his way to her desk, a secret compartment on the side of the desk had been almost invisible to all except those who were aware of its existence. Opening up the small door he let out a small gasp, the Miracle box reminding him so much of her again; 

The box was in the shape of an apple blossom, fading from red at its center to white at the tips, overall its appearance was rather simple but then again they always said appearances are deceiving. He then took out an old phonograph, a tablet, and an ancient book, the Miracle Book or Grimoire. With a sad sigh he pressed the small apple blossom’s center at the top before tapping the top petal, followed by top left, bottom right, bottom left, top right and center again. The lid to the compartment lifted, revealing seven empty slots, before opening up its petals, two layers of six petals stretching themselves so as to not cover each other. Only four compartments were being used. Using a bag he carefully stored the box inside the phonograph while using a satchel for the Grimoire and tablet.

He already told Zatanna and Zatara about the Grimoire, the two assuring him that it would be safe and that they’d even get other magic users like Constantine and Doctor Fate, who seemed to think he owed a debt to the Kwami and would honor their remaining comrade, to help protect it. The tablet could go to Tim and Barbara who’d have the best bet in perfecting the translations and encrypting it further so even if someone got their hands on it they’d have a hard time even unlocking it.

But he hadn’t thought of the Miracle box.

He looked up at the pink room with nostalgia, remembering every video chat, midnight meeting, talks at the terrace, impromptu sleepovers, designing frenzy, fashion talks, modeling session, strategy meetings, emotional breakdowns and kisses they shared in the very room.

He couldn’t help but want to take it with him.

Dick looked at her desk, a photo from when they were still Ladybug 1.0 and Robin, one he took as Dick Grayson when he commissioned her to make him a suit for the Wayne Gala (only to wear it to the Sweetheart’s Dance), one from Rolling-Stone wedding as he was twirling her around the dance floor and another from a few weeks ago when they were celebrating Hawkmoth’s capture with the Team. More photos littered her wall; Adrien and Wally arm wrestling, Artemis and Alix doing parkour, Kaldur learning some guitar from Luka, Conner being subjected to a makeover from the girls and Adrien (which he needed after his third year of wearing the same outfit), M’gann meditating with Barbara, Nino and Marc, Tim and Max looking at some sort of schematics on screen, of Jason during combat training with Kagami, Chloe and Black Canary.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

“Are you alright?” Dick hadn’t realized that the tears began to fall again. He turned around but saw no one there.

No one would be there.

“We miss her too” the voice spoke again, Dick knew he couldn’t be hallucinating, looking inside the bag he noticed the Miracle Box glowing even as it was held shut. With far more patience and calm than he truly felt Dick opened the Miracle Box again with four bursts of lights appearing as he did so.

He barely remembers Marinette explaining the Miraculous to him but he did recall the kwami’s names and powers;

Barkk, dog kwami of Bonds and Foraging.

Ziggy,  goat kwami of Endurance and Speed.

Daizzi, pig kwami of Abundance and Ingenuity.

Orikko, rooster kwami of Forethought and Cycles.

“I miss our Guardian” Daizzi cried into Ziggy who seemed to be in a similar state, Orikko looked quiet but clearly saddened given his downward feathers and comb, Barkk was the one who had been speaking to Dick.

“You loved our Guardian, she loved you very much” Barkk sniffled sadly.

Dick realized that they not only lost their Guardian but their fellow Kwami as well;

He wasn’t the only one left with a gaping hole in his heart by the love of his life and little brother.

“Hey now,” he said, taking the miniature gods into his arms in a small embrace, “You won’t be alone. We’ll make it through this, together”

As Dick made one last glance at the room, memories playing out like ghosts before him, he secured the bags containing Marinette’s precious items and made his way out of the cold apartment.

He didn’t know if he’d ever recover, just like with his parents; But he knew he wouldn’t be alone.

He just hoped that he’d make them proud, from wherever they were watching.

Nothing to fear

Forever in my hear

Blooming flowers prevail

Ko-Fi

[noxstellacaelum]

Filtering Female Characters Through the Male Gaze

Female characters filtered through the male gaze:  A (way) too long post about why we need a more diverse and inclusive approach to staffing showrunners, writers, directors, crew – heck, all roles -- in TV and movies.  

Yes, I know I am not the first person here on this.  

And note that while I have included a few tags b/c I talk about my frustration with Shadowhunters, Veronica Mars, the Irishman, Richard Jewell, and a few other recent shows/movies, I don’t get to this stuff until the very end,  I appreciate that fans may not want to wade through the entire essay, which (again), is a bit of personal catharsis.

I recently had a random one-off exchange with a TV writer on twitter.  The writer said that she had enjoyed the movie Bombshell much more than its Rotten Tomatoes rating would have suggested.  She wondered if the disconnect between her experience/perception of the movie and that of mainstream reviewers might have been shaped by gender: Specifically, she observed that Bombshell is a movie about women, but most reviewers are male.  

I have complicated feelings about Bombshell.  On one hand, yes, there was and is a toxic culture at Fox News.  Yes, Gretchen Carlson and Megyn Kelly were victims of that toxic culture.  But no, these women were not mere bystanders:  They traded in the racism, misogyny, and xenophobia (for starters) that still characterize Fox News today.  Why should these wealthy, privileged white women – both of whom spent many years as willing foot soldiers in the Fox News army -- get a glossy, Hollywood-approved redemption/vindication arc?  On the other hand, I am glad that the movie makers made a film about sexual harassment, and that the movie presented Kelly, in particular, as an at least somewhat complicated character.  This would not be the first time that a movie about women – especially complicated, and not always likeable women – has proven to be polarizing.

My ambivalence about Bombshell notwithstanding, the writer with whom I exchanged tweets is (not surprisingly, since she is in the industry and I am not) on to something when it comes to gender, character development and critical reception. It’s not just that Bombshell was about women, but reviewed largely by men; it’s that stories about female characters (real or fictional) often are filtered through the male gaze in Hollywood:  On many projects – even those focused on female characters – creators/ head writers are male, directors are male, showrunners are male, and producers are male.  This matters, because preferencing the male gaze impacts what stories about women get told, who gets to tell them, and how these stories are received inside and outside Hollywood.  

First, though, the caveats. I do not mean to suggest that men can never tell great stories about women.  Of course they can.   I also don’t mean to suggest that being female exempts creators, writers, directors, showrunners, etc. from sexism or misogyny (or any other forms of bigotry, as my discussion of Bombshell suggests).   There are plenty of women who prop up the patriarchy.  Rebecca Traister’s work speaks to this issue, as does the work of Cornell philosopher Kate Manne.  There is an important literature on the concept of misogynoir (misogyny directed at black women, involving both gender and race), a term coined by black queer feminist Moya Bailey, as well.  Intersectionality matters in understanding what stories are told, who gets to speak, and how stories are received in and outside Hollywood.  I also don’t mean to suggest that there are no powerful women in Hollywood.   Shonda Rhimes; Ava DuVernay, Reese Witherspoon (increasingly, given her role as a producer of projects like Big Little Lies), Greta Gerwig’s work in Lady Bird and Little Women, and others come to mind.  As I am not in the entertainment industry, I am sure others could put together a far more complete and accurate list of female Hollywood power brokers.  And, finally, I appreciate that Hollywood is a business, and people fund and make movies that they think their target audiences want to see.  So long as young, male viewers are a coveted demographic, we are going to see projects with women who appeal to this demographic onscreen.

Given these caveats, why do I think that the filtering of female characters through the male gaze is an issue? For me, it has to do with a project’s “center of gravity” -- that place, at the core of the project’s storytelling, where the characters’ agency and autonomy comes from.  It’s where I look to understand the characters’ choices and their narrative arcs.  When a character’s center of gravity is missing or unstable or unreliable, the character’s choices don’t make sense, and their narrative arc lacks emotional logic. Center of gravity is not about whether a character is likeable.  It’s about whether a character – and the project’s overall storytelling and narrative voice – make sense.  

When female characters are filtered through a male gaze, a project’s center of gravity can shift, even if unintentionally, away from the characters’ agency and point of view:  So, instead of charting her own course through a story, a female character starts to become defined by her proximity to other characters and stories.  She becomes half of a “ship” . . . or a driver of other characters’ growth (often through victimization, suffering, or self-sacrifice) . . . or mostly an object of sexual desire (whether requited or not).   Eventually, she can lose her voice entirely.  When that happens, instead of a “living, breathing” (yes, fictional, I know) character, we are left with a mirror/ mouthpiece who advances the plot, and the stories, of everyone else.

What are some recent examples of this? The two that I have mentioned recently here are Shadowhunters and Veronica Mars S4.  

- With SHTV, I will always wonder what might have been if the show – which is based on books written by a woman, intentionally as a “girl power” story – had female showrunners. Would an empowered female showrunner have left Clary, THE PROTAGONIST OF A 6 BOOK SERIES – alone on an NYC street in a skimpy party dress, in November, with no money, no ID, no mother, no father figure and no love of her life, stripped of her memories, her magic, and chosen vocation, as punishment, after she saved the world?  Would a female showrunner have sidelined Clary’s love Jace, and left him grieving and suicidal, while his family lived their best lives and told him to move on?  Would a female showrunner have said, in press coverage of the series finale, that the future of the Clary and Jace characters was a matter for fan fiction?  After spending precious time in the series finale wrapping up narrative arcs for non-canon and/or ancillary characters.  And to my twitter correspondent’s point, I guess I am not surprised that mainstream entertainment media outlets didn’t call out the showrunners’ mistreatment of Clary, and by extension, Jace, and the obliteration of their narrative arcs -- and yes, I am looking at you, Andy Swift of TV line (who called the above-mentioned memory wipe “actually perfect”).

- Likewise, with Veronica Mars, would a more diverse and inclusive writers room have made S4 Veronica less insightful and less competent than her high school self, or quite so riven with self-loathing, or quite so careless and cruel with the people in her life who love her?  Would a more inclusive creative team have made S4 Veronica less aware of the class and race dynamics of Neptune, yet more casually racist, in her mid-30s, than she was in high school?

- There are so many other examples from 2019.  Clint Eastwood falsely suggesting that a female reporter (who is now deceased and thus unable to defend herself) traded sex for tips from an FBI agent in Richard Jewell. Game of Thrones treatment/resolution of the Ceresi and Daenerys characters – where to even start.  Martin Scorsese’s decision to give Oscar winner Anna Paquin’s character a total of 7 lines in the 3-plus hour movie the Irishman.

- And, in real life, I wonder whether a Hollywood that empowered and supported female creators would make sure that people like Mira Sorvino and Annabella Sciorra got a bunch of work while also making sure that Harvey Weinstein never again is in a position of power or influence.   Same with female comics targeted by Louis C.K. Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose … the list is long, and Kate Manne’s work on what she calls “himpathy” is useful here.

To be clear, I am not saying that stories involving “ships” of whatever flavor, stories of suffering and self-sacrifice, and stories of finding (or losing) intimate relationships are “bad” or “wrong” or inherently exploitive of female characters.  I don’t think that at all.  I also don’t think that female characters have to be perfectly well-adjusted, virtuous, or free from bias, or that they should never be make bad choices or mistakes.  I want female characters who are flawed, nuanced.  I don’t mind lives that are messy, or romantic entanglements that are complicated.  Finally, I don’t think that that faulty, reductive, or unfair portrayals of female characters is a new thing.  Mary Magdalene was almost certainly not a prostitute, after all.  And classicist Emily Wilson – the first woman to translate the Odyssey into English – has brought a hugely important perspective (including an awareness of how gender matters in translation) and voice to the translation and study of canonical characters and works.

At the end of the day, I just want female characters to be able to speak with their own voices, from their perspectives.  I want them to have their own, chosen, narrative arcs.  I want them to speak, act, see, and feel as autonomous individuals, with agency, and not just in reference to others.  And, I think that more a more diverse and inclusive approach to staffing writers rooms and in choosing show runners, directors, and key positions in storytelling would help.  

[talking-tv]

So when it comes to Dean/Jess/Logan debate, you're team Logan?

Ultimately? Yes. But, I have to say that I didn’t hate any of her 3 main boyfriends. I think that all three of that relationships had taught her important lessons and all three of them were exactly what she needed at the time. 

Talking about Dean, I actually liked him and Rory in season 1. S1 Rory is very young and innocent, she is very much of a good girl, and a good boy is exactly what she needs. Dean was her first experience with dating and love, and he was exactly the show itself has said a number of time he was - a perfect first boyfriend. At the time Rory met him, he was exactly what she needed - a good next door boy to open her up to idea of love and dating while making her feel safe. That’s why he was a good fit for her in season 1. But, the biggest problem with Dean and their relationship is that it stayed really underdeveloped. Dean was only there to be what show needed him to be - a perfect boyfriend, but when that became boring, they didn’t know what to do with him anymore. The thing is that both Dean and Rory have grown as people individually and they changed while their relationship hasn’t. It stayed the same, and that was the problem because they both had outgrown it, especially Rory, but they were too afraid to admit it and instead they clinged to this old versions of themselves and the relationship that was once perfect for them, and it felt safe and known. And that’s what drove them apart. They outgrew each other and the relationship they had was not anymore what they needed, what Rory needed. It made Rory fall for Jess and Dean to be overprotective while still so clinged on the old Rory. He was really jealous too, but that I don’t see a fault because he had reasons for it and was ultimately right.

And this is where Jess comes into picture, just at a perfect time. Rory was so caught up in her relationship with Dean only because it felt safe and even though it was not what she wanted or needed anymore. And Jess was the new kid, all exciting and interesting, and he liked her. And that’s why she fell for him. But, what I love about Literati is that show went a step further into developing them by giving them this very deep connection. They had what Dean and Rory didn’t - shared interests. Rory and Dean were different, and even if they would try, they simply didn’t share enough similarities. But, Jess and Rory had this shared love for books and reading which made them connect on the level that never happened with her and Dean. And that’s what I do love about Literati - that deep connection that you can’t deny they had. But, the thing is that there was also so many problems with Jess. Him trying to force himself on her is one of the biggest problems, but also that no matter how mature he was intelectually, he was really immature in all the other ways which would also made him slefish at times (not always). Also, him bailing on her more than once without a word? Awful. He would always come and go to and out of her life as he would please, not really caring how it would affect her. Yes, at the time he showed up in Rory’s life he was exactly what she needed - a way out of her repetitive and too known relationship with Dean. She and Dean always lacked passion which was always present with Jess. But, the problem was that, even though Rory and Jess were more similar as individuals than Dean and her ever were, they were too different when it came to everything else. Jess fitted Rory intelectually, but Dean fitted better with Rory’s surrondings. Jess never really put an effort in what interested Rory outside the things that interested him too, but the biggest problem is that he never really tried to fit with any of the people that were important to Rory. Jess fitted better with Rory as an individual, but Dean fitted better into her world.  I feel like Rory switching form Dean to Jess made her trade one thing she needed for the other. Jess offered her one thing she was missing with Dean (deeper and more intelectual connection and a shared interest), but then she lost one thing that Dean was able offer, but Jess wasn’t (good relationship with people in her life and her way of living in general). And she needed both of those things in a relationship, which made both of these two relatioships not whole enough. There was always something missing. While Jess couldn’t stand still in one place, Dean was always standing too still.

And that’s why I personally think Logan was the best fit to Rory. He came into her life at the time when she realized that she can’t continue going into circles with Jess or Dean. She wasn’t a high schooler anymore and Logan better fitted with her world in college. Also, he could’ve offered both of the those things that I mentioned before. Rory and him were different, but they still fitted intelectually which mean they were able to form that deeper connection she and Dean weren’t. But, Logan also made an effort to be friendly with the people that were important for her. Even though he didn’t leave the best first impression on any of her family members, he tried and managed to fix that. He was never rude like or uninterested like Jess was, but was always kind to everyone like Dean, but the difference is that he went deeper and managed to fit with all of them better because he was also charming and more interested. He respected Lorelai and the relationship she and Rory had completely and whenever Lorelai would question his intentions and choices he would respectfully talk to her and explain himself, making her see his point of view while respecting hers. He got along with Chris, and he knew how to handle Emily and Richard. Even when Luke was openly hostile towards him on the Valentine’s day, Logan didn’t get upset, but treated Luke with respect and kindness, even offering him one of his presents for Rory to give to Lorelai so he wouldn’t look bad. He never looked down on Luke, but tried to feel him welcomed in his house and included. So, he fitted like Dean fitted, while also challenging her and making her more open and carefree to life like Jess did. He made her feel safe and he was always there for her. Whenever she would need him, he would find time to listen to her and help her if she would ask for help. Remember when Richard had a heart attack and Logan dropped everything to come and was nothing but supportive to not only Rory, but also Emily and Lorelai? Also, one thing that he gave Rory is autonomy. He never thought of her as some damsel in distress who always needed saving like Dean would, and he never see her a perfect or would put her on a pedestal like Jess would. He helped always, but only if Rory would want and ask for that help. He didn’t pressure her, or force any decisions on her. When she dropped out of Yale, he didn’t make her feel bad or guilty about it. He said that he thinks it won’t stick because it’s not the best idea for her, but he still let her decide for herself and respected her choices. He understood that it was something she needed at the time, and he didn’t pressure her into changing her mind and going back before she was ready to. He let her realize that for herself. He was always clear with his intentions, from the beginning and he never mislead her. When he thought he couldn’t be in a relationship he didn’t pursue her because he knew that he couldn’t offer her what she needed. When SHE initiated their relationship, he was upfront about not wanting to date. SHE said she was okay with the casual thing, and he once again did what he always would - respected herdecision. He said he thinks it’s not the best idea for her, but when she once again said she wants it, he respected the decision. Even after that, he asked for her consent TWICE before they slept together. When it turned out that he was right and she needed more than just the casual thing, he didn’t get mad or upset, but immediately gave her what she wanted so he wouldn’t lose her. He decided to be her boyfriend even though he said he wasn’t a boyfriend material and he was actually a good boyfriend to her. Also, the thing I like about Logan the most is that when he would screw up, he would own it. He would ALWAYS admit he was wrong and apologize a couple times. As soon as he would understand he made a mistake, he wouldn’t wait a second to apologize and make it up to Rory. Remember when Rory was out of town and he couldn’t wait for her to come back to apologize so he drove to another town to do it? And then waited outside the whole time until she was ready to hear it? He even went to Lorelai for help when he couldn’t get himself Rory to see how sorry he is, and that also showed just how much he respected Lorelai and the relationship Rory had with her. So, while a lot of things could be said about Logan, I don’t think that him treating Rory poorly is ever one of them. He was always supportive. Also, I think that Rogan’s relationship was developed the most out of all three. Her relationship with Dean was always not developed enough and her relationship with Jess was too short. We got almost three whole seasons of Rory with Logan, and they went through a lot of things together. They were a lot more mature together than Rory and Jess were when they dated, and their relationship would grow and develop alongside with them growing and developing which was not the case with her and Dean.

So, to summon up, the biggest flaw with Dean was that their relationship was underdeveloped, and then they made them cheaters. With all of that, it was really hard to root for them, and then they just written Dean off which seemed too rushed. The biggest flaw with Jess was that while he was mature enough intelectually, he was not mature enough in any other way. He was too rebelious and angry at the world at the time to be the boyfriend Rory desereved. He has grown a lot and I appreciate that. When we see him in later seasons and in the revival, he is probably the best person, but the problem is that his development happened offscreen, so we know too little of how it happened.

Logan had all the things that Dean or Jess lacked. Again, he was not perfect, far from it, but the biggest plus is that he was self-aware about it and would always owned it.

Talking about the revival, I will start with saying that I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how they made Logan the one thing that we saw him fight not to be in the original - his family’s puppet. I hate how they sacrificed Rogan’s beautiful journey from the original for drama and made them cheaters. I do hate that, and I wish it didn’t happen. But, even though I hate it, I have to say that to me it seems that the revival kind of answered who Rory has loved the most. We knew it wasn’t Dean already in the original, but I think that the revival made it clear it was Logan for Rory. 9 years after, she was still in love with him. While with Jess, she didn’t show not one sign that she could still be in love with him. Yes, their special connection was shown once again with him helping her to figure out what to do with her life, but that connection was now manifested not romantically, but in a friendly way. We got a glance of Jess still being in love with Rory, but nothing similar from Rory. And that’s because she now sees Jess as a friend, while she is still in love with Logan.

[basketcasemp3]

Have you ever seen any gifsets or posts about Emily and Rory's relationship? I see a lot about Rory and Richard, and obvs Lorelai and the others, but I've always been really interested in how Emily tries to bond with and support Emily and how Rory tends to stick up for her against Lorelai and sees her grandparents home as a safe space.

actually I haven’t seen anything about, at least not recently which is a shame because I think its definitely an interesting relationship. maybe people aren't interested in them as a dynamic because it’s not as volatile as lorelai & emily but it’s also not as fun as lorelai & rory, but tbh I think there are a lot of other complexities that come with rory & emily. obviously, one of the main themes in the show, especially the earlier seasons, is that rory is the daughter that richard and emily wish they had. she’s quiet and polite, yet intelligent and completely capable of taking care of herself. she didn’t get pregnant at 16 and they don’t see her as someone that they can’t control, like they couldn't control lorelai. and even though in the earlier seasons, there were aspects of society life that rory hated (the cotillion), there’s also things that rory does like that they can share with her, because they could never share those things with lorelai. 

what i think is really interesting is that emily, unlike chris’ parents, don’t view rory as a burden or a mistake, which she makes very clear to rory in christopher returns after chris’ father throws a hissy fit. I love this moment sooo much because we know that Emily hates that Lorelai get pregnant at 16 and thinks that Lorelai “threw her life away” but she tells rory that she doesn’t blame her for it at all and when she sees rory, she doesn’t see a mistake. I think this is a MASSIVE reason why rory is so forgiving of Emily and tries to stand up for her against Lorelai- she sees another side to her that Lorelai couldn’t. and obv there are things to be said abt the Lorelai of it all because I think Lorelai's valid in her dislike of her parents and hatred of her childhood and I do think she’s allowed to feel whatever she feels about them, but rory knows Emily as someone who loves her unconditionally and offers her a safe space. Emily creating a room for rory in Emily in wonderland is one half spiteful to Lorelai for taking rory away, but it’s also one half genuinely wanting her granddaughter to have a place to go to, which is another reason why I think rory gets comfort from her. Emily doesn’t always do things without an ulterior motive, but a lot of the time I don't think she desire to passive aggressive to Lorelai outweighs her desire for rory to be taken care of. her decision to call rory and ask for her opinions on things to decorate the room shows me that making the room wasn’t just about getting back at Lorelai, because if it was, she wouldn't have tried so hard to make it a space that rory would actually like. she does this in rory’s birthday parties too, when she asks Lorelai to help her pick out a gift for rory. i’m using this as an example because doing the fancy party was for show and to impress their friends, in which case she could've gotten rory anything and we know that rory is very gracious with her grandparents in s1 and would've accepted anything, but emily taking the effort to ask for help and then getting her something that she would  actually like meant to me that she wanted a relationship with rory that she never had with Lorelai. I think the reason rory views the Gilmore's as a safe space in say, ps I lo..., for example is because she feels as though they love her as a privilege, instead of just their right, and that they’re a place that's not so...hmm I don't know, maybe not so loud as lorelai and stars hollow? I think maybe i’m trying to say that they expect things from her, certainly, but they expect different than lorelai and in season 1, it’s a place she felt comfortable and welcome. 

which brings me to my next point which is that previous paragraphs were about the earlier seasons of the show, where rory is still impressionable and young, where she doesn’t push back against emily and agrees to a lot of the things that emily asks her to do. she badly wants to please them, but knows doing that is pretty easy. season 5 is where things start to change, specifically in the party’s over. Emily knows that rory wants to please her, so she knows that she’ll agree to the party & can meet loads of more “appropriate” boys (and she does because this is the beginning of rory/logan) and will eventually move on from the “losers” in stars hollow. Emily's adoration of logan & logan’s whole family is where he view of rory changes from seeing rory to seeing who she wanted Lorelai to be. if you believe asp that logan is rory’s chris (he’s not but whatever that's another issue that I don't actually care all that much about) then it makes sense that she fixates on their relationship so much, because Emily starts to see rory as her actual daughter and this only continues into season 6. it’s too abrupt for it to be believable, to me, because Emily's always valued rory for who she is and has always been proud of rory’s education and career goals, but it’s at the point in season 6 when rory dropped out/joined the DAR that Emily actually starts to see rory as her own child which we know is problematic and begins a huge shift in their relationship. rory then moving out, re-enrolling in school, and accepting chris’ money is a huge push back to Emily, which she’s never experienced all that much before from rory. what I find sooo interesting about that situation is that once Emily started thinking about rory as a “new and improved lorelai,” and treating her own child, that’s when rory started acting like the actual lorelai and tried defying her. the reason I find this so interesting is because, in an earlier draft of this long winded response, I wrote that grandparent/child relationships are so different than parent/child relationships (depending on the situation), and once Emily stepped back from her loving & safe grandparent role (that was able to connect with rory) into a motherly one, she began making the same mistakes she made with Lorelai, thus fracturing their relationship.

as weird as I find Emily in season 6, I think it did a service to their relationship because now they can both see each other as they actually are, instead of the fantasy of each other. Emily fantasized that rory was the perfect child that she never had and rory fantasized that Emily was the perfect grandparent that would always support her and them realizing that the other one isn’t as perfect as they pretended to be for awhile is what saved their relationship going forward. they both learned a lot about forgiveness and managing expectations and loving people for who they actually are and you know what im so sorry that this got so long and makes no sense but basically I agree with you I think they’re a very interesting but a massively underrated dynamic

[elcrivain]

It’s time. You have to pick up that dreaded classic you have lying around. Maybe it’s Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, or even worse, William Shakespeare’s Richard III. Those things look terrifying with all that fancy bindings and annotations. But you have to read it anyway, either because some lame English professor assigned it or because you want to be well-read. Either way, you know it’s going to be hard.

Why do we struggle so? Why do such books make even the most avid of readers tremble in their boots? What is the problem with these damned things?

It’s all about the context. Or, rather, about how most modern readers lack the context to understand and appreciate classics. The boring dictionary definition of context is: The circumstance or setting in which an idea or even can be fully understood. If you don’t have context, an idea — such as the ones in classics — are liable to be misunderstood or outright overlooked. We, in all of our modernity, lack context for many classics in several respects.

The Context of Prose and Style

Language evolves. Sentence structure shifts. Words fall in and out of fashion. Even word meanings metamorphose.

It takes only a quick survey of English literature to see how much can change in a few hundred years (and we’re not even getting into translations):

A wys wyf, if that she can hir good,

Shal beren him on hond the cow is wood,

And take witnesse of hir owene mayde

Of hir assent; but herkneth how I sayde.

— Geoffrey Chaucer, “The Wife of Bath” in The Canterbury Tales (1475)

This isn’t the work of a drunken five-year-old with atrocious spelling skills. It’s Middle English, a variant of English spoken after the Norman Conquest in 1066 and before the 16th century. It bears some resemblance to modern English, but it’s gosh-darn hard to read without annotations (and alcohol).

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? — To die, — to sleep.

— William Shakespeare, Hamlet (1603)

Now that we’re in Modern English — yes, Shakespeare is modern — the spelling is improving, but it’s still tough to get through. Shakespeare’s heavy use of figurative language flummoxes us, literal-minded modern readers. No, those slings and arrows aren’t real!

The ledge, where I placed my candle, had a few mildewed books piled up in one corner; and it was covered with writing scratched on the paint. This writing, however, was nothing but a name repeated in all kinds of characters, large and small — Catherine Earnshaw, here and there varied to Catherine Heathcliff, and then again to Catherine Linton. In vapid listlessness I leant my head against the window, and continued spelling over Catherine Earnshaw — Heathcliff — Linton, till my eyes closed; but they had not rested five minutes when a glare of white letters started from the dark, as vivid as spectres — the air swarmed with Catherines; and rousing myself to dispel the obtrusive name, I discovered my candle wick reclining on one of the antique volumes, and perfuming the place with an odour of roasted calf-skin.

— Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (1847)

Compared to Shakespeare, Brontë seems straightforward, except for one thing. Like many other 19th century writers, she uses long, flowing, and descriptive sentence structure that seems incongruous compared to today’s staccato sentence structure.

Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.

— George Orwell, Nineteen-Eighty-Four (1949)

Now that we’re in the really modern part of Modern English, things are so much better. Orwell adopts the simpler, more direct style that we’re more used to. Whew! (Note that simple and straightforward prose doesn’t always translate into simple and straightforward meaning.)

Not all troublesome prose comes from old and dead white folks. Some contemporary authors eschew plainness for some flair in their prose. Whether you find that dazzling or confounding is up to you.

…I give you the mausoleum of all hope and desire… I give it to you not that you may remember time, but that you might forget it now and then for a moment and not spend all of your breath trying to conquer it. Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools.

— William Faulkner, The Sound and Fury (1929)

Faulkner’s convoluted prose forces the reader to focus single-mindedly to follow along. Confusing as it may be, Faulkner’s marriage of the stream-of-consciousness writing of modernists and descriptiveness of Romanticism give a certain élan to his writing. Just don’t read him before bed as you’ll fall asleep without any memory of what you’ve read.

Now a member of the company seated there seemed to weigh the judge’s words and some turned to look at the black. He stood an uneasy honoree and at length he stepped back from the firelight and the juggler rose and made a motion with the cards, sweeping them in a fan before him and then proceeding along the perimeter past the boots of the men with the cards outheld as if they would find their own subject.

— Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian (1985)

McCarthy’s combination of complex sentences and a disdain of punctuation gives his writing an air of inscrutability. Love or hate him, you have to admit that the dude got a style.

The Context of Historical Settings and Culture

Most authors write for their contemporaries, not for some unknown high school student 100 years in the future. They assume that their reader knows the social and cultural contexts. Once a book survives the test of time, this assumption fails.

Jane Austen’s books serve as a good example of how our ignorance of the social mores of early 19th century genteel society can lead the reader to miss allusions that would’ve been obvious to a contemporaneous reader.

“Are any of your younger sisters out, Miss Bennet?”

“Yes, ma’am, all.”

“All! What, all five out at once? Very odd! And you only the second. The younger ones out before the elder ones are married! Your younger sisters must be very young?”

“Yes, my youngest is not sixteen. Perhaps she is full young to be much in company. But really, ma’am, I think it would be very hard upon younger sisters, that they should not have their share of society and amusement, because the elder may not have the means or inclination to marry early. The last-born has as good a right to the pleasures of youth at the first. And to be kept back on such a motive! I think it would not be very likely to promote sisterly affection or delicacy of mind.”

“Upon my word,” said her ladyship, “you give your opinion very decidedly for so young a person. Pray, what is your age?”

“With three younger sisters grown up,” replied Elizabeth, smiling, “your ladyship can hardly expect me to own it.”

Lady Catherine seemed quite astonished at not receiving a direct answer; and Elizabeth suspected herself to be the first creature who had ever dared to trifle with so much dignified impertinence.

“You cannot be more than twenty, I am sure, therefore you need not conceal your age.”

“I am not one-and-twenty.”

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

A reader unaware of the importance (and meaning) of “being out in society” in Georgian gentry wouldn’t note how uncouth it was to have five sisters out all at once, a serious social misstep by the Bennets. (And no, “coming out” doesn’t mean the same thing as it does today.) They would also have missed how tactless it was for Lady Catherine to harp on this point and Elizabeth’s impertinence for evading Lady Catherine’s question. This is why an unschooled reader would overlook the biting satire in Austen’s novels, which is a horrible shame.

Many classic novels attack contemporaneous cultural, religious, and social conventions. If you don’t understand the norms under attack, you lose context to why the novel was so daring, so bold.

I made this mistake with Jane Eyre. Upon my first reading at 13, I dismissed it as melodramatic slop. When I revisited it at 18, I saw how Charlotte Brontë criticizes the prevailing religious belief of charity and how remarkably independent Jane Eyre is, a shocking thing for a Victorian woman. I, however, still think that the book has too many dei ex machina (overly convenient plot twists).

The Context of Narrative Conventions

Following or breaking it, many classics take a stance on narrative conventions. Thomas Hardy embraces the pastoral and tragic narratives in Tess of d’Urbervilles as James Joyce bucks the Realists’ more removed narratives with his stream-of-consciousness writing.

To understand a book’s attitude toward narrative conventions is to understand why certain writing, plot, or characters elements exist (or disappear) from a novel. These expectations ease the way for your reading. Really!

When I began reading Tess of the d’Urbervilles, I knew that it was a pastoral tragedy, which prepared me for two important things. First, since it was a pastoral, I knew Hardy would describe the setting to such detail that the town(s) would become characters in their own rights. So I was prepared for passages like these which would seem unnecessary and boring to the average modern reader (fairly enough):

The village of Marlott lay amid the north-eastern undulations of the beautiful Vale of Blakemore or Blackmoor aforesaid, an engirdled and secluded region, for the most part, untrodden as yet by tourist or landscape painter, though within a four hours’ journey from London.

It is a vale whose acquaintance is best made by viewing it from the summits of the hills that surround it — except perhaps during the droughts of summer. An unguided ramble into its recesses in bad weather is apt to engender dissatisfaction with its narrow, tortuous, and miry ways.

— Thomas Hardy, Tess of the d’Urbervilles

Second, since Tess is a tragedy, I prepared myself for many frowny-face moments. If you go into a Hardy expecting a happy ending a la Pride and Prejudice, you’ve taken a wrong turn in the 19th-century bookstore.

The Context of Symbolism

When you’re a high school student studying The Great Gatsby, it might seem like the teacher is inventing all those meanings from rivers and currents to justify their paycheck. You think, “Damn it, why can’t a boat just be a boat?”

English teachers’ flights of fancy aside, symbolism is a real thing. Under the best of circumstances, symbolism deepens existing themes and ideas already present in the novel. Problems begin when you don’t recognize the signs of symbolism.

Here’s an example: The last lines heard ‘round the world:

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And one fine morning-

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

— F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

Scholars have quarreled over the meaning of this passage for decades, showing that there is no purely correct answer. Therein lies the subjectivity of literary analysis — but it remains vital that you understand the purpose of symbolism and are able to recognize it. (Hint: watch for recurrent motifs and ideas.)

The Context of the Original Publication (or Performance)

This oft-overlooked context can massively alter your reading of a classic. Many classics weren’t originally presented in the format in which it is read today. Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales was performed in verse. Shakespearean plays were meant for the stage, not small English classrooms. And so it goes.

But those are well-known examples. The examples nobody talks about are these 19th-century epics, most of which were originally published in a serialized format where the author was paid by the word (Anna Karenina, A Tale of Two Cities, The Count of Monte Cristo). This small detail completely alters the structure and flow of those stories. The serialized format and the pay scheme encouraged such writers to write more, more, and more. This is why Anna Karenina clocks in at almost 1,000 pages filled with descriptive passages of Levin moving grass. The format also means that the author didn’t consider the “flow” of narration from chapter to chapter, creating a disjointed reading experience as the story hops from one perspective to another. These stories were never conceptualized as a novel in today’s sense. You might even benefit from reading in small bursts, just like these newspaper readers did more than 100 years ago.

If you happen to read a classic out of its original publishing context, be mindful of how that’ll affect your experience. To get the fullest and richest experience, you might want to revert back to the original storytelling form, such as watching a Shakespearean play or movie. (I recommend Much Ado About Nothing, just ignore Keanu Reeves.)

Context is everything. Without the right context, many classics appear inscrutable and downright mystifying. Most of us aren’t born with a knowledge of Middle English syntax and deep knowledge of manners among the English gentry during the Georgian era.

Where does that leave us, the befuddled readers? It leaves us with the hard reality that we need to investigate the context in which the classic was written. That means glancing at a Wikipedia page about the French Revolution before (and during) reading Les Miserables. It also means preparing yourself for a fantastical twirl through time in a South American village before you read One Hundred Years of Solitude. With some preparation, you can actually appreciate those dusty little classics.

N.B. I adopt the more expansive definition of classics as notable works of literature due to their excellence and significance, rather than the more traditional definition as pre-17th-century works of literature.

[typologicalmusings]

Monica Geller: ESFJ

Extraverted Feeling (Fe): Monica is “always the hostess” (The One with Rachel’s Crush, 4x13). She loves throwing parties and cooking for her friends – when Phoebe’s apartment burns down, she affectionately names her own apartment “Hotel Monica,” and takes delight in creating a guest bedroom so that Phoebe is comfortable (The One Where Ross Dates a Student, 6x18). She is upset when the group stops spending time in her apartment and refurnishes Joey and Chandler’s place so that she can play the “hostess” role once again (The One with Rachel’s Crush, 4x13). Monica is the glue that holds the group together and is always there to offer emotional support for others, such as counselling Ross through his feelings for Rachel, supporting Chandler through his breakup with Kathy, or advising Rachel about her feelings for Joey (The One with the Soap Opera Party, 9x20).  She values group harmony, and frequently makes personal sacrifices to ensure everyone is happy, such as cooking different kinds of potatoes for her friends so that they could all enjoy Thanksgiving like they had as children (The One Where Underdog Gets Away, 1x09). At times, Monica can feel undervalued by others for her group sacrifices – she refuses to cook Thanksgiving dinner one year because she “doesn’t think it’s fair” the burden falls on her each year (The One with the Late Thanksgiving, 10x08), and is upset when Rachel doesn’t appreciate a birthday she throws (The One with the Two Parties, 2x22). Monica has a strong understanding of social rules. When Phoebe invites a stripper to Rachel’s baby shower, Monica is aghast, calling Phoebe’s actions “totally inappropriate” (The One with the Baby Shower, 8x20). Similarly, she is shocked when Phoebe plans to wear a bohemian dress to meet Mike’s conservative parents, urging her to buy something more suitable for the social setting (The One with Ross’s Inappropriate Song, 9x07). Monica is mortified when she breaks social rules, such as forgetting to invite Rachel’s mother to her baby shower (The One with the Baby Shower, 8x20), and is equally mortified when others break them too, being aghast that she wasn’t invited to her cousin’s wedding, a major social faux pas (The One with all the Cheesecakes, 7x11). At times, she uses her understanding of social rules to manipulate others, such as wearing a white dress to a wedding to spite her cousin for not inviting her (The One with all the Cheesecakes, 7x11). Her manipulative capabilities extend to other areas of life, where she tricks Chandler into having sex with her (The One with Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner, 9x05), and writes a speech to make the audience cry at her parents’ wedding anniversary (The One in Massapequa, 8x18). Monica desperately wants to be liked by the people around her, and often goes to great lengths to receive positive regard from others, such as making candy for everyone in the building so that she would be liked by her neighbours (The One with all the Candy, 7x09), flattering Rachel’s mother in an attempt to win back her approval (The One with the Baby Shower, 8x20), or continuing to wear a pair of uncomfortable boots because she “loved the compliments” (The One with Monica’s Boots, 8x10).

Introverted Sensing (Si): Monica describes herself as having an “eye for detail” (The One with the Joke, 6x12). She has a knack for noticing differences in the environment, immediately being able to tell that the apartment has been cleaned after Chandler employs a maid (The One with the Stain, 8x07), and that the green ottoman has been moved when Rachel vacuums (The One with the Butt, 1x06). She frequently uses past experiences to assess the present, such as comparing a previous thanksgiving dinner to one she had made the year before to assess how much her cooking had improved (The One with the Late Thanksgiving, 10x08). Monica is uncomfortable with change in her environment – she immediately dismisses Rachel’s suggestion that an ugly lamp be added to the living room (The One Where Heckles Dies, 2x08), and feels uneasy when Rachel moves the green ottoman to a different location because she wants things in her apartment to stay the same (The One with the Butt, 1x06). She also struggles with changes in her personal life – when she and Richard break up, Monica shuts herself inside her apartment because she is unable to adjust to life without him (The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy, 3x01). Likewise, she is deeply upset when Rachel has to move out, calling it “the end of an era” (The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel, 6x02). Monica takes comfort in the familiar and the predicable – when times get tough, she tends to turn to things from the past for comfort, such as smoking cigars to feel close to Richard after they break up (The One with the Princess Leia Fantasy, 3x01). She is deeply aware of her past, and is often haunted by her negative childhood experiences – when Rachel and Ross kiss on her engagement night, she is reminded of being overshadowed by Rachel through childhood, and thus accuses Rachel of “stealing her thunder” (The One with Monica’s Thunder, 7x01). Likewise, when Chandler mentions he ended a relationship with a girlfriend because she was overweight, Monica is reminded of being rejected by a boy in fifth grade because she was “too fat” and becomes upset (The One with the Nap Partners, 7x06). Monica is a very sentimental person. She enjoys collecting and reminiscing over past memories, and loves keeping old photographs – she is delighted to share an album full of childhood pictures with Emily (The One with the Fake Party, 4x16), and vows to take more photographs as a new year’s resolution so that she can remember important moments with her friends (The One with all the Resolutions, 5x11). Monica values past relics that hold personal significance – she keeps an antique cabinet because it belonged to her grandmother (The Last One: Part 2, 10x18), and is excited to receive her aunt’s dollhouse because she always wanted to play with it as a child (The One with the Dollhouse, 3x20). Likewise, she is devastated when her childhood memories are destroyed through flooding of her parents’ garage (The One Where Rosita Dies, 7x13). At times, Monica is inclined to project her sentimental streak onto others, who may not always appreciate it – she hires a bunny costume for Chandler because his favourite childhood book was The Velveteen Rabbit, failing to realise that the costume would make him embarrassed instead (The One with the Halloween Party, 8x06). Monica has an excellent memory for details – at one point, Rachel berates her for her ability to remember “every little thing” (The One with Joey’s Dirty Day, 4x14). For example, she remembers each step of a dance routine she and Ross invented as kids and is able to perform it perfectly several years later (The One with the Routine, 6x10). She also has a love for detail which manifests in her approach to planning – she organises a party for Rachel with detailed sketches of the cake and an alphabetised list of music (The One Where Rachel Smokes, 5x18), and plans the seating arrangements for her wedding through strict adherence to a detailed seating chart (The One with Rachel’s Big Kiss, 7x20).

Extraverted Intuition (Ne): Monica is able to see situations not only for what they are (Si), but for what they could be (Ne). When she is offered a job at Alessandro’s, Monica agrees to take it on because she can see the potential of the restaurant, despite giving it a negative review several days previously (The One Where They’re Going to Party, 4x09). She is well aware that the food is bad, her co-workers are unkind, and the restaurant has a terrible reputation, but she embraces what the restaurant could be with an optimistic opening speech (“with a pinch of excitement, a dash of hard work, and a dollop of cooperation, we can have the recipe…”). This ability to see the potential in things is a persistent trait that manifests itself throughout the series – when Monica is forced to move into Joey and Chandler’s apartment, she sees it’s potential as a comfortable living space, and works to transform it into one despite her initial disgust (The One with the Embryos, 4x12). Similarly, she senses the potential in the fake chocolate product “mockolate,” and seeks to improve it by incorporating it into a series of baked goods (The One with the List, 2x08). Monica is open to new opportunities, especially when it comes to her career – she drops her catering gig with Phoebe to accept a job at Alessandro’s (The One Where They’re Going to Party, 4x09), and declines moving with Chandler to Tulsa because she is offered a position at Javu (The One with the Pediatrician, 9x03). She is fairly flexible when it comes to her work, and is willing to try several alternatives (Ne) if it means being able to address more practical concerns like maintaining a steady income (Si). For example, she accepts a job as a kitchen hand (The Pilot, 1x01), a caterer (The One with the Dirty Girl, 4x06), a waitress at a diner (The One with the Two Parties, 2x22), a food critic (The One Where They’re Going to Party, 4x09) and a head chef (The One Where They’re Going to Party, 4x09). At times, Monica is undaunted by change – she views Chandler’s unemployment as “exciting” while he is terrified by the lack of security (The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work, 9x11). She’s also quick to make connections, realising that Phoebe and Rachel know about her relationship with Chandler without it being overtly stated (The One Where Everybody Finds Out, 5x14).

Introverted Thinking (Ti): Monica has a solid understanding of how things work. As a chef, she knows the flavours that complement each other, and is easily able to pull a recipe apart and put it back together again, such as deconstructing a cookie to figure out the recipe for Phoebe’s grandmother’s cookies (The One with Phoebe’s Cookies, 7x03). She is excellent at troubleshooting – when Joey admits he is unfit for a role because he has been circumcised, Monica helps to solve the problem by fashioning him a range of foreskins from processed meat (The One with Ross and Monica’s Cousin, 7x19). Similarly, she creates a series of baked goods for Mockolate in an attempt to improve their taste (The One with the List, 2x08).  She is curious, sometimes even obsessive, about finding out how things work, on one occasion destroying Joey and Chandler’s apartment in a search for where a switch was (The One with all the Rugby, 4x15). Monica is fairly logical, and often hands out quite frank advice to her friends. When Rachel confesses that she wants to fool around with Joey, Monica advises her not to follow through with it because she believes it “will never work” (The One with the Soap Opera Party, 9x20). Likewise, when Phoebe ditches plans with David to go out with Joey as a way of upholding her personal values, Monica informs Phoebe that her actions are ridiculous (The One with all the Cheesecakes, 7x11). Monica is equally capable of applying the same logical principles to her own life – for example, she breaks up with Richard because she knows a relationship between them is futile when she wants children and he doesn’t (The One with Barry and Mindy’s Wedding, 2x24).

Note: Like Rachel, Monica was incredibly difficult to type because she appears to use Te and Fe equally prominently. Truth be told, I’m not completely sold on ESFJ, and could possibly be convinced by a solid ESTJ argument. This problem can be attributed to inconsistent writing – Monica is generally warmer and kinder as the series begins, before becoming more brash and competitive in later years. I chose ESFJ because Monica appears to use Ti more than Fi – she’s logical, good at troubleshooting and tends to be externally directed with her feelings. If she used Fi, Monica would be less concerned about group harmony and more influenced by her own feelings.