#and i lost my scholarship for the semester because of probation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago

Text

Feels Like Falling in Love

Mark X Reader

Genre: Cheesy fluff

Word Count: 6.5K

Summary: You are assigned to a science project with Mark and over the course of working on your project together, you end up falling for the soft spoken introvert and little do you know, he’s falling for you too.

A/n: (He has such pretty fingers wtf) Anyways, I’ve been wanting to write a story about nerdy Mark for a while now and I got the idea from my science fair in the 8th grade idk just the thought of Mark being a soft spoken and shy “nerd” is the most adorable thing ever ugh I miss Mark

“Alright class, for your next upcoming project, you and a partner; which I have already pre-assigned will choose a scientific research topic to work on for your last assignment before spring break. This project is work a huge percent of your grade so I want you all to put as much hard work and dedication in to this specific assignment as you’ve done for the last few months of this semester. Once I announce whose going to be working with you, you will spend the rest of class coming up with ideas and brainstorming with your partner. This is a three week long project and although I’m giving you quite a generous amount of time to work on this project, I expect nothing but grade A products. Okay, let’s start.”

Your teacher began to call out the names and as you looked around the room, you soon grew nervous at the idea of working alongside someone who would be no help whatsoever during this entire project. There was nothing more you hated as a senior in high school than group projects. It seemed as if all of your classmates were well aware of how smart and hard working you were and how much time and effort you put in to every single assignment you had. In the past, you’ve found yourself getting taken advantage of because of how kind and selfless you could be and sometimes you’d end up doing the entire project by yourself.

One thing you wished you could change about yourself was how much of a pushover you could be. Being the social butterfly you were, you made friends with practically everybody and anybody. Everyone knew they could depend on you for whatever it was they needed help with and they knew you would never say no. Unfortunately, it was never in your nature to ever tell someone no. The last time you told someone you couldn’t do something for them, you felt guilty the entire day and ended up going along with whatever it was that they asked of you.

Soon everyone was being paired up and the only people that were left was your two best friends BamBam and Jackson, and one of the smartest people in your entire grade; Mark Tuan. Mark, in more or less words, was considerably the biggest nerd there could ever be. He knew the answer to any question someone had related to education. If you needed a calculus problem solved, the answer to who discovered North America or the summary of “The Great Gatsby”, Mark was your guy. He was known to be quite the introvert and had very little friends.

You’d find him with his face buried in a book or playing video games on his Nintendo switch. Even during class, he never seemed to pay any mind to anyone and only spoke up in class whenever your teacher would call on him. As much as you loved your friends, you were secretly hoping your teacher paired you up with Mark. You were sure she was aware of the two class clown’s reputations and how they were both borderline failing. Knowing that information, you couldn’t help but feel as if she would give you one of them instead of the quiet boy in attempts to help both Jackson and BamBam with their grades. If they put as much time and dedication in to their studies as they did with sports and house parties, then maybe they wouldn’t be on probation from graduating.

“For the final four, I’ve thought about this for a long time and although I know I’m making a mistake for obvious reasons, y/n, you’re going to be partners with Mark and Jackson, you’re partnering up with BamBam.” You let out a sigh of relief and had to stifle back a laugh when you heard Jackson begin to whine at your teacher’s decision.

“But Mrs.Young, I cant be partners with BamBam—you might as well give me an F now—ow! I’m just telling the truth! It’s obvious our dumbasses aren’t capable of getting anything done.” Jackson and BamBam began to bicker but your teacher was quick in getting them to stop talking and went over some important information that would help you all with the project. Once she was done explaining what she expected of the class, she sent you to get in to your groups with the intent of having you and your partner get started on your planning.

As you started to reach for your things in order to make your way towards Mark, he just so happened to take the seat next to you and quietly placed his things down. “I—um—hi y/n.” You gave him a soft smile before pulling out your notebook.

“Hi Mark. So, do you have any ideas on how you want to find out whose mouths are dirtier; Dogs or humans?” He nodded in agreement before handing over notes you assumed he must’ve wrote down as your teacher gave out the topics. You knew Mark was incredibly intelligent; the teachers never failed to rave about how quick he’d solve answers and how he always turned in assignments the day they were assigned. Seeing his notes and all of his ideas made your head spin. There was no way you’d come up with any of these ideas and you were extremely grateful that your teacher put you and Mark together.

“Wow—these proposals are amazing. How did you come up with these in less than five minutes?” He shrugged before looking around the classroom and sneakily taking out his phone when he noticed your teacher was busy talking to another group.

“I just typed the question in to google. But I’ve actually done research on this topic in the past. I have a dog named Milo—he tends to lick me a lot and I was curious as to how dirty his mouth is—sorry. Too much information.” You shook your head to let him know it was okay. Although this was the first time you’ve ever interacted with Mark, you were pretty sure with the reputation he kept up as the teacher’s pet and “the most reliable geek in school” that this was probably one of the longest conversations he’s had with anybody and you couldn’t help but feel a little excited at the thought of him being comfortable with you.

“No no—that’s really cool. I’d be interested too if I had any pets. I mean, they drink toilet water and eat their own poop, I’m sure their mouths are extremely dirty. Imagine waking up to them licking all over your face only to find out they were sniffing another dog’s butthole.” When you heard the soft giggle fall from his lips, you felt embarrassed at how you had no filter. You tended to talk a little too much about the most unnecessary things sometimes and you were sure you got that from Jackson. If you were having this conversation with one of your friends, you wouldn’t have felt as weird but seeing as how you and Mark hardly knew each other, you didn’t want his first impression of you being a bad one.

“Sorry, now I’m the one giving out too much information. This all sounds really good by the way. Did you want to start scheduling when you wanted to meet up to work on the project?” He took out his planner and began flipping through the pages to this week and looked over the days. Seeing him use a planner made you happy for some odd reason. It was probably because you knew there was a possibility Mark was probably the only student who put the school’s planner to good use. Jackson lost his on the second day of school but he never used any of the past planners any way.

“I’m free after school tomorrow if that’s good with you. Maybe we can use my dog as the experiment and then we can both test ourselves and compare the two? Would you mind coming over to my place?” You smiled and nodded in agreement and you began to feel something weird in your stomach as you started to think about spending time with Mark. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find him attractive. Even if he wore big, circular glasses and his wardrobe consisted mainly of khaki shorts and polos, he was extremely good looking and you were sure that if he were to join a sport rather than the math and robotics team, then maybe he’d embrace his looks just a bit more. But at the same time, there was something you liked about how he presented himself to everyone. He was quiet, shy and a very introverted person; however it made him well—him.

You were sure he was content with the way he went about with things and nobody ever seemed to bother him in a negative way which you were grateful for. You never knew why, but although you didn’t know Mark personally, over the course of having him in this class, you couldn’t help but observe him every now and then and you’ve slowly grown fond of his quiet and gentle personality. You’ve also become very protective over him and whenever BamBam or Jackson would make jokes about what a nerd he was, you’d find yourself defending him.

Once class was over, you and Mark exchanged numbers and planned to walk over to his house as soon as school was over. You couldn’t help but be excited to spend time with Mark. He seemed to be one of the only people you had yet to build a friendship with and you could only hope that he would want to become friends with you. For all you knew, Mark could be the type of person that was all work and no play whenever it came to his education and you were sure that was the reason for his good grades and the dozens of scholarships he received back in your junior year.

When you began walking towards your locker, you weren’t able to even turn the dial once before you were joined by tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum and they both had the biggest frowns on their faces. Deep down, you knew exactly why they were coming to you and no matter how many occasions you’d find yourself giving in to them, this time was different. Not only did you want a good grade on this project and a partner you could depend on, but this was your only chance of becoming closer with Mark and you would shave your head bald before letting either of them get in the way of your desired objective. Before Jackson could open his mouth, you were already shaking your head in disagreement; earning yourself whines from the both of them.

“No. My answer is no.” Jackson crossed in arms in frustration as BamBam decided to take things another direction. As soon as you felt him wrap his arms around you, you quickly pulled yourself from out of his embrace and gave him a knowing look.

“Y/n, you don’t even know what we’re asking for—“

“You want me to ask Mrs.Young to switch our partners. I’m not stupid. I knew this was going to happen as soon as she announced the pairings. My answer is no and there’s nothing either of you can do about it. I’m going to tell you both now, your puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work on me this time. Mark and I already planned out our project and instead of trying to get me to change my mind, which; is already set by the way, you two should start brainstorming on how you can stop bread from molding.”

The three of you have been friends for over ten years, so you knew the many tricks they had up their sleeve and you had a feeling they would do whatever they could in their power to get you to rethink your decision. As much as you wanted to be able to help them in any way that you could, they were high school seniors who needed to be responsible for themselves. You were their best friend, not their mother and you weren’t going to sacrifice your grade and having a partner who’d actually do his share just to make your friends happy.

The next day, your mind was too busy with thoughts of Mark and working on your project that you didn’t pay much attention in any of your classes. You’ve seen him in class every single day and you’ve known the soft spoken boy since middle school, why were you so flustered at having to work with him? If it were anyone else, you’d have such an easy time to interact with them. But something about Mark made you shy and you could only hope you wouldn’t embarrass yourself during your study session. When the last period came around, you walked in to class and saw that Mark was sitting in the seat next to yours. You gave him a small smile and found yourself warming up when he returned one back.

“Hey, I actually started working on the assignment last night. Our topic is actually very interesting and I couldn’t help the aspiring biology major inside of me. I took some DNA samples from Milo after we came back from a walk but I wanted to save all the fun stuff for later. You’re not allergic to dogs are you?” You shook your head in disagreement and felt a smile growing on your face the more he went in to detail about his enthusiasm. If you already thought Mark was just by his quiet and extremely polite nature, hearing how passionate he was about science; a subject almost everyone in your grade seemed to hate made your heart flutter.

The two of you haven’t even started working on the project just yet. How were you going to control yourself around him for the next couple of weeks? Throughout the lesson, Jackson and BamBam attempted to send melancholic looks your way as their final attempt to get you to switch partners with one of them, but you were too interested in what Mark had to say to pay any attention to either of them. You had a hard time understanding how someone could make different types of bacteria in dog and human saliva sound so cute. Once class was finally over, you and Mark began making your way over to his house.

Luckily, he didn’t live all too far away from school because you felt like the walk would be extremely awkward and quiet. Sure, you were known to be outgoing and sometimes outspoken to the point where someone had to tell you to quiet down. But things were different with Mark. He made you feel flustered and intimidated just by his presence alone.

“Can I be honest with you?” You looked up at him and nodded while motioning for him to continue his question. “I’m glad we’re partners. I uh—I was hoping Mrs.Young was going to pair us up together. I know we hardly know each other, but you’re the only other student in the class who genuinely seems interested in learning. You’re always giving her your attention unlike everyone else who seems to either fall asleep or go on their phones. I look forward to working with you y/n. I know I’m not the most outgoing or talkative person ever, but if it’ll make you feel more comfortable I’ll try my best in communicating with you.”

Hearing that he was willing to go out of his comfort zone to make sure you felt comfortable sent warmth to your cheeks. You also couldn’t stop replaying what he said about observing you in class in your mind. For someone who didn’t seem to interact with anyone other than teachers and his friends, he seemed to have an easy time talking with you and you could only hope he felt like he could be himself around you.

To your surprise, Mark was quite the conversationalist. He began talking about so many things and asked you questions that he claimed he was curious about. You would’ve never thought that Mark played both basketball and baseball in middle school nor did he seem like the type who enjoyed baking but he promised you his chocolate chip cookies were to die for and that he’d make you some once the two of you made it to his house. After almost twenty minutes of walking which literally seemed like five minutes with how much fun you were having learning different things about the handsome boy, the two of you reached his house and like the gentleman he claimed to be, he opened the door and allowed you to walk in first.

“Please don’t mind the mess, my sister visits with her daughters every now and then and I think my mom mentioned something about them coming over today. Plus Milo has his toys scattered all around, but make yourself at home. I’ll get us something to eat and then we can head upstairs to my room—I mean, if you’re okay with that. If not, we can work down here.” Seeing him scratch the back of his neck in embarrassment made you giggle softly to yourself. It was a habit of his that you noticed he’d do every time he felt bashful or nervous. It was cute. He was cute and you were quickly finding more and more things about him that you liked the longer you stayed with him.

“Mark sweetie is that you—oh hello! I’m Mark’s mom. You must be y/n. You’re right Mark, she’s extremely beautiful—I mean—you know what I think your dad needs me in the garden. It was nice meeting you dear! Don’t hesitate to ask me if you need anything.” You turned your attention towards the ground, trying your best not to make it obvious that her words made you feel as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest. It was one thing for his mother to compliment you, but to hear her agree with Mark on how beautiful he told her you were made you feel giddy inside. He thought you were beautiful? You wondered what else he must’ve told his mom but you decided to keep it to yourself because you knew with the way she practically bolted out of the kitchen that she wasn’t supposed to say that. Although, you were extremely happy that she did.

“Uh, please don’t mind her. You know parents—they can be quite embarrassing sometimes. Can I get you something to drink? We have orange juice, lemonade, water, Pepsi—“

“I’m fine with water. Thank you.” He reached in to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water and some sandwiches before making his way to the cabinet and grabbing some chips.

“Follow me.” The two of you made your way up the stairs and a smile began rising on your face at the sight of all his family photos. You didn’t know that he had three other siblings and it made you snicker at how much they all looked alike. Good looks obviously ran in their family. When Mark didn’t feel you following after him, he took a look to where you were and his eyes practically jumped out of his head when he saw you looking at photos of him when he was younger.

“Oh God y/n—stop—don’t look at those they’re so embarrassing. Why didn’t I think to cover them up?” He briskly walked over to you and absentmindedly grabbed at your wrist gently and pulled you behind him in the direction of his room. You were thankful he wasn’t looking at you because you were sure your cheeks were as pink as they were warm at the skin ship. His touch was soft and it was quite feather like for someone who was trying to pry you away from childhood mementos.

As the two of you entered his room, you were quick to notice just how much his room matched him. Although you had so much to learn about Mark, the multiple anime figurines on his desk along with a couple of action movies on his wall, his PlayStation, Xbox and a mini globe on his night stand emulated exactly what you’d picture his room to look like. His room was quite tidy for a guy; there was no where you could sit in Jackson’s room and you were sure there had to be a rat living somewhere in BamBam’s with the way you couldn’t even see the ground. He pulled out the chair from his desk and motioned for you to take a seat as he walked right back outside. Mark gave you no time to ask where he was going before he reentered the room with whom you assumed to be Milo.

“Here is our test subject. Say hi Milo.” He placed Milo down on the ground and the little pup immediately made his way towards you.

“He’s so fluffy and extremely adorable. Mind if I pick him up?” He shook his head and you allowed Milo to jump on to your lap before running your fingers through his hair. You were so in to playing with Milo, that you didn’t realize the look of admiration on Mark’s face as he watched you play with his dog. A toothy grin rose on his face watching you squeeze and play around with Milo and it made him feel warm inside. This was the longest he ever went spending time with a girl. Being the introverted person that he was, it was already hard for him to interact with other students. What more with girls? Especially girls he found very pretty with a bright and bubbly personality.

If someone were to tell Mark that he would be in his room with the girl he’s had a crush on since freshman year, he would’ve laughed in their face but here he was; watching you holding and leaving soft kisses on his puppy while sitting at his computer desk. He had to be dreaming. The two of you came from different worlds; Mark hid himself in his books and spent most of his time in the library whereas you were constantly joining all these different clubs and befriending almost everyone on campus. He never thought he stood a chance with you; let alone being your friend. Watching you from afar in class, helping your friends and practically anyone in the class you had a hard time understanding the material on top of being the only optimistic student in a bunch of pessimists is what got Mark to develop a little crush on you.

He felt like it was stupid; how could he gain feelings for someone he hasn’t even talked to once in his four years of knowing them. But he didn’t have to know you personally to know how much of an amazing person you were. It was all he ever heard about from teachers, your fellow classmates and even some of your friends. You were the school’s social butterfly. Everyone who knew you wanted to be your friend and naturally gravitated towards you. It didn’t help that he thought you were the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and the fact that you had an equally beautiful heart made things even harder for him.

“You have call of duty black ops 4? Where’d you get it? It’s been sold out everywhere for months!” Seeing you so excited over something he was also heavily interested in brought him joy. You were so adorable. “My uncle’s friend is actually a video game artist, so he got a few copies and gave me one. Did you maybe want to play once we finish—or we could play a little bit now and work on the project later. We have a few weeks to work on it so we should be fine.”

Deep down you knew that you should’ve been starting on your project, it was the reason why you were currently at Mark’s house in the first place but you couldn’t help the fact that you’ve been dying to get your hands on the new installment of your favorite video game and like he said, you both had plenty of time to work on it. You didn’t mean to pout at the idea of waiting till later to play and you found it weird how natural it felt being around Mark, but you liked it and you could get used to it. He handed you the controller and you navigated through the game like a natural.

To say Mark was in shock at how good you were was an understatement. Most girls Mark knew would never go near a game console let alone play such a difficult game with such ease. At one point, you were doing way better than he was and he found himself smiling like an idiot at your eagerness to kill all the bad guys. For the next few hours, the two of you took turns playing while snacking on the sandwiches and chips he brought up for you both. He even sneaked away to the kitchen to get you some of the cookies he mentioned earlier and your reaction was the most adorable thing Mark has ever seen. Your cheeks were puffy and you had a mouth full of cookies, but that didn’t stop you from telling him how delicious they were.

The two of you were so focused on playing that you didn’t realize exactly what time it was until Mark’s mom knocked on his door and asked you if you were staying for dinner. Not wanting to intrude on his family, nor were you mentally prepared to meet all of them just yet, you politely declined and thanked her for her hospitality before calling your dad to come pick you up. While waiting for your parents to arrive, you and Mark continued your conversation from where you left off earlier before giving all your attention to his xbox.

Listening to Mark talk about things that most people would consider boring felt like a breath of fresh air. He had to be one of the only people if not the only person you knew who preferred listening to classical music than to what was playing on most radio stations. In the few hours you got to spend with him, you decided that Mark Tuan was one of your favorite people and you couldn’t wait to learn more about him and bond with him for the next couple of weeks. When your mom let you know that they had just arrived, you said your goodbyes to the Tuan family and thanked Mark for being such a great host. As soon as you got in the car, the huge smile on your face caught your mom’s attention and she was quick to ask the question that’s been eating at her the minute she saw Mark walking you over to your car and saying hello to both of your parents.

“He’s cute! And quite the gentleman. You like him don’t you?” Your eyes widened in shock at her revelation but your mom knew you better than anyone else. You didn’t need to say it out loud, your facial expression as he held the door open for you and walked you over to your car spoke for you.

You were falling for Mark.

Over the next few weeks, you and Mark were practically attached by the hip. After the first time he sat next to you in class, he never returned back to his actual spot and continued sitting next to you even if most of your classmates sat in their regular assigned seats. Then as soon as school was over, you’d head over to either his house, your house, the library or the coffee shop just a few minutes away from school. Most of your time together was spent working on your project, but there were a few moments where the two of you would take a break to eat, play some video games, watch a movie or just talk.

Even during lunch, instead of hanging out with your usual group, you found yourself sitting with Mark and they didn’t seem to mind it. A few of your friends knew of your crush on Mark and in fact, it was your friend Jinyoung who suggested that you go and sit with Mark in order to “get to know your science partner better.” Once BamBam and Jackson caught wind of the feelings you’ve developed for Mark, they did not let you hear the end of it.

“So this is why you were so adamant on not switching partners. You have a thing for Markie boy. I don’t blame you, he has the brains and he’s actually pretty good looking if I do say so myself. From what I hear from some of my teammates, apparently he has a big dick—what? That’s what I heard—well anyways, I think you should act on your feelings. Mark doesn’t seem like the type to tell someone he likes them so you’re going to continue wasting your time ogling over him if you don’t make a move—don’t look at me like that y/n it’s 2020 anything is possible. Equality for all.”

As much as you hated whenever your friends would get involved in your relationships, Jackson had a point. Even if you and Mark have grown close in the last two weeks, he didn’t seem like the type of guy to confess his feelings for someone. Hell, you had a feeling you were the only girl he ever talked to which you were extremely grateful for. Mark seemed to be a very private person who enjoyed being mysterious and preferred to be to himself a lot; so you were honored to be one of the only people he genuinely seemed to trust. You’d like to consider you and Mark friends at this point and you’ve noticed in the last few days that he’s been more touchier and flirtatious than usual.

You didn’t think Mark; the so called “nerdy and irritatingly intelligent gamer” was capable of such smooth pickup lines until he used one about you being made of copper and tellurium because you are “Cu-Te” and it might’ve been a scientific joke to him but it really set your bones on fire. Since there were only a few days left until your project was due, you decided that you’d tell Mark how you feel no matter what the outcome was. You both were practically finished with the project and spent most of your days having fun together rather than working. So if things went to shit, then you could pretend as if nothing happened and go about your life like how it was before this science project.

Although, the idea of no longer having Mark in your life sent an unsettling sensation to your stomach. The two of you were currently at his house watching a movie and he had explained to you that both his parents and his brother were away at one of Joey’s taekwando tournaments leaving you and Mark all alone with Milo. The thought of actually being all alone with Mark both worried you and delighted you. As much as you enjoyed being around his family, it would be much easier to tell him how you felt about him without people around. When Mark first offered to put on a movie, you had to laugh when you noticed just how far he sat away from you on the couch.

You knew he was trying to be a gentleman and that he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but you found yourselves on a few occasions practically cuddling up on his bed. While the movie played, you’d absentmindedly look at Mark every now and then mentally tracing his handsome features and wanting nothing more than to kiss his pretty pink heart shaped lips. The longer you analyzed his face, the more you began to find things that you never realized before like the cute little mole right above his lip or the scar right above his eyebrow. You also couldn’t help but imagine what he would look like without his glasses and soon you found yourself wanting to know if he ever went without them.

“Hey Mark?” You could tell by the way his eyes were practically glued to the television that he was very interested in the movie so you felt bad for interrupting him, but he paused it in order to give you his full attention and nonverbally motioned for you to go on.

“Have you ever thought about getting contacts?” He looked at you in curiosity and actually thought about the question for a few moments before shaking his head.

“My optometrist asked me a couple of times but I always decline. I know you’ll probably think I’m a wimp for saying this but I have a fear of not knowing how to put them on and accidentally poking my eye out so I just stay safe and go with glasses. How come?” You shrugged nonchalantly although your heart rate began to increase at the thought of your next words.

“You have really pretty eyes. I guess I just want to see them better but your comfort is the most important thing.” You began to pick at your fingers and Mark was glad your attention was elsewhere or else you would’ve seen just how crazy you’ve been driving him in the last few weeks having to do all these things with you and not getting to kiss you, hold you and do all these cute, romantic things that most couples did because all Mark wanted at the end of the day was to be the lucky guy who you called yours.

“Oh—I—I’m—um—thank you. Maybe I’ll take contacts in to consideration just for you.” You let out a light chuckle and shook your head in disagreement.

“No no, you’re totally fine. You look good with or without glasses. Please don’t feel like you’d have to do anything because of me—“

“I’d do anything for you y/n. Anything you’d ask me to do I’d do it in a heartbeat. Oh and you—you have a really pretty face and a really pretty personality. Hell, everything about you is really pretty—ah shit. That was weird wasn’t it? Please forget I said anything.” He began to reach for the controller as a way to distract you and to get you to forget what he just said but there was no way you could ever forget hearing him say that everything about you is pretty. Right as he was about to resume, you reached at his hand, took the controller and turned off the movie. He looked at you with the most adorable look of confusion and you decided it was now or never.

“Mark.”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I kiss you?” The cough that fell from his lips was unexpected and you took that as a negative sign. You wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole. When was breaking out in to a fit of coughs ever a good sign after asking someone if you could kiss them? You hid your face in your hands and tried your best not to look at him in fear of crying because you ruined everything.

“You know what? Please forget I said anything I must be going insane it’s the lack of sleep and—“ he playfully covered your mouth in attempts to stop you from talking so that he could explain himself.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to kiss you. Trust me, I really, really want to kiss you. I’ve been thinking about kissing these pretty lips of yours for longer than I’d like to admit okay—and I hope by hearing that confession you now know that I like you. I like you a lot y/n. I’ve liked you since freshman year and I’ve always felt so dumb because we didn’t know each other back then but I knew enough to want to be someone special in your life. I—I’ve never kissed anyone before. Pathetic right? A high school senior who has never been kissed. I’m a fucking loser and I’m afraid of messing things up—“ the minute Mark felt your lips smash against his, his heart melted in to a puddle.

You reached for his hands and brought them down to your waist as you wrapped yours around his neck, pulling him closer in order to deepen the kiss. He was still in shock for the first few seconds and you knew he was still hesitant on continuing the kiss because he had no clue what he was doing, but after a few moments, his lips melded perfectly with yours. His lips were soft and tasted like butter from the popcorn and you couldn’t help but giggle at how rough and clumsy his kisses grew the longer the two of you made out but it didn’t matter.

It was special and you knew there would be many kisses shared between the two of you later on and he had plenty of time to work on his kissing skills; although for a first timer, he was actually really good and you knew you were going to get addicted to the feeling of his lips on yours. When you needed to catch your breath, you pulled away earning yourself a soft whine and placed your forehead against his.

“Wow—I uh—that was—you were—wow. Can we—can I kiss you again?” You snickered at his excitement and nodded; not being able to say no since you wanted it too. He cupped your cheek in his palm and reconnected your lips together. To your surprise and delight, he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip and brought it in between his teeth before shoving his tongue down your throat. You were shocked to say the least at what a natural he was, especially since kissing wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

“Are you sure this was your first time? I don’t think anyone whose never been kissed before knows how to French kiss. You’re a cheeky one aren’t you Tuan? I like you too by the way.” His laughter filled the room before he pulled you on to his lap and hid his face in the crook of your neck.

“Date me. Please?” Now it was your turn to laugh. God, how could someone be this cute yet kiss like he’s been doing it for years? What else was he hiding from you? When you quickly nodded and stole a kiss from the corner of his mouth, he released a content sigh and tightened his grip on your waist before turning the movie back on.

“Wait—babe, humans have more bacteria in their saliva than dogs do. Ew!!! If this is what kissing entails than I better keep some mouthwash on hand because I plan on kissing you a lot.”

“Way to ruin the mood Tuan.”

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #mark tuan got7 #mark tuan imagines #got7 fluff

92 notes · View notes

silvensstorycorner · 4 years ago

Text

Things I wanted to say

My friends have been having a holiday/New Year's sleepover every year on New Year's Eve since high school. We'd see a movie, then go to one of our houses for hot pot, then hang out until the ball dropped, drinking sparkling apple cider and white grape juice out of wine glasses as we watched, chatting in a blanket pile oozing off the couch until we dozed off to Netflix and woke up to make a sleepy breakfast in pajamas. Things have adapted over the years: we don't go out to a theater for a movie anymore usually, and oftentimes not all six of us can be there, but it's still New Year's. And usually I love it.

I don't really know what happened in 2018. It was at Sophia's house that year (the regular spot), but for some reason, it was a lot more...all-out. She invited us plus boyfriends plus anyone we wanted to bring. She told me to invite my roommates so they all could meet them (my roommates declined). My family was invited. So Mom, Dad, my brother, and I all went this time instead of just me, and even though I had been going to her house for seven years and was comfortable with the normal level of unusual chaos that passed through its walls, this time I walked through the front door and very quickly felt...bad.

There were at least ten more people than just us six, some old friends (not as close but still friends) from high school, some I hadn't met before. Her three kid cousins were running around the place. The entire kitchen island was made into a bar, with twenty or thirty bottles of alcohol and a handful of types of edibles. Some were probably already tipsy. There was hot pot and fondue and trays of snacks and charcuterie and so much lying out for the picking.

It wasn't New Year's. It was a party.

And I do not like parties.

From that evening in 2018 for over a full 24 hours into 2019, I was choked up, holding back tears, not saying much most of the time because talking made it harder not to cry. My family left after a couple of hours because they weren't going to stay the night. I mentioned that I kinda might’ve wanted to go home, too, feeling like shit for breaking tradition but also currently feeling like shit from whatever new anxiety-inducing thing was happening to me, but my parents are bad at subtext and listening and laughed and asked what I was talking about and left.

I remember a few moments when I felt okay. Exchanging gifts, I think, and the following day, when only three of us were still there, we watched a bad low-budget horror movie. I felt content then. On the other hand, I lost hold and ended up crying three or four times, alone or in the dark or behind my hair so no one knew because no one likes a downer.

But then it's New Year's Day, and the sun is beginning to dip, and it's finally acceptable for me to go home. I go into the master bedroom to change out of pajamas into clothes, and Sophia's there, collecting things to go take a shower. I forget what small talk happened before because after a beat, she says, "Hey, are you alright? You didn't seem as joke-y earlier."

I choked up again because typical goddamn bodily response. We're turned away from each other, and I was either halfway through putting on a shirt or in a bra and holding my shirt. The silence stretched too long, so I squeaked out something. Probably "I'm fine." She looked over and asked if I was sure, and I broke.

She goes into mom friend mode and asked what happened, what was it, and I said it was nothing, I had been trying not to cry since first stepping into the house, and she immediately hugs me from behind as I'm standing there crying. My throat won't work without making the tears worse. I want to tell her I didn't know exactly what happened but I knew the pieces. That I had developed depression 4-6 months prior. That I had failed the semester because of it. That I was put on academic probation because of it despite my prior 3-year, 3.6 GPA. That I didn't know if my international internship and scholarships were in jeopardy. That I didn't drink because alcohol is repulsive, in scent and implications and cultural obsession. That I can smell the moment someone opens a bottle of wine from two rooms away. That the scent sometimes gives me a headache. That the smell of weed is even worse and gives me a migraine. That I was paranoid that college had changed my friends so much that they'd give me alcohol or weed without telling me. That talking about relationships and making innuendos and teasing me for not understanding them made me want to hide under a blanket. That even though everyone was nice and amicable, they weren't supposed to be here because it was our thing. That I don't like children and having to listen to and entertain her three cousins for twenty-four hours made my spine bristle. That I was afraid my discomfort around children would be taken as insulting her family. That the usual blaring kitchen stereo and the shouting from stairs and the scream singing and the mock nagging yells about how I was cleaning dishes slowly and wrong when I could've been not doing them at all really hit a nerve this time. That I was hiding this from my very best friends because I was confused and felt silly and illogical for not having fun at my favorite event of the year, the one time I see some of these people anymore after we spread out across the world for college and life, especially when everyone else was enjoying themself. That maybe everyone had grown up and outgrew me in college because they enjoy drinking and smoking and dating and sex and I don't, and I was just a buzzkill in an environment no longer fit for me. That I knew I was wrong. That most to all of this was a product of depression putting thoughts in my head and amplifying responses and that there was no way to anticipate or adjust to it, and that I didn't know when it would get better. That she wasn't a therapist and had her own troubles to worry about and I had no right to shoulder my own onto her, too.

But while all that and more is flying by in bits and pieces in my mind, my throat betrayed me and knotted up, leaving me standing there, clutching my shirt, staring up at the ceiling with tears streaming and breaths quickening to stuttered hyperventilation as my friend hugged me, and all I managed to choke out was that I didn’t like alcohol before the meager admittance activated a defense mechanism and shut me up with unabated sobbing.

Eventually, it subsided. She asked me if I wanted to take a shower instead, but I declined. I put on my shirt proper and sat on the bed, wiping my face while she took a shower with the door open so she could ramble nothings and tell me about new books she got and stuff her animation professors said.

We've never talked about it again, and I don't know if she told our other friends. Within the hour, one friend made another innuendo and laughed with a teasing reminder that sex and love exist and there's nothing I can do to stop it, and while Sophia didn't say anything directly, she looked at me and then changed the subject to something unrelated.

She checks up on me every few months, asking how I am with a little more insistence than someone who uses it as a casual opener.

The following year, I was worried whatever that was would happen again. I still had depression, I had failed one class for a second time, and both my childhood dogs and my grandmother had died within six months. I even put off going to Sophia’s a bit by going to see Star Wars in theaters with my family beforehand.

But when I walked in the door, the last to arrive, it was already better. My family didn't stay--they didn't even come in with me so they wouldn't rile up the dogs. There weren't crowds or kids or deafening music or a kitchen littered in liquor. There were just my friends, standing around the hot pot, with meats and gyoza and only one or two bottles of wine and sparkling juices and a whole roast ham.

I walked up to the table, bags in one hand and petting giant dogs with the other, but before I even get a greeting out, Sophia asked if I was okay. I froze, afraid my fears were that obvious and thinking they thought I was avoiding them and didn't love them anymore and feeling a weight begin to form in my throat. But she said my complexion seemed off or pale or something. I said I was fine, she said cool, the broth just started boiling, come get meat, and that was that.

That night, sitting in front of the fire, opening presents by the tree, I did cry again, because I was laughing harder than I had in a long time.

#Something I was thinking about again tonight #Gonna just tag all the content shit #Depression #Alcohol #Marijuana #Death #Story #Fairy Magic #Long story #Long post #Don't wanna do a read more because that would break it up and be an unwanted effect #New Year's

3 notes · View notes

friend-o-dorothy · 5 years ago

Text

Hey so in August of 2011 I started college with a full ride scholarship.

In my first month of classes I was coerced into losing my virginity by someone who made me feel like shit about myself. Although I found that I wasn’t liking sex with men, I thought something was wrong with me so I continued to do it in as many ways and with as many people as possible. I went days without sleeping and made a lot of erratic choices.

The second semester of my freshman year, my friend found me after I had gotten dangerously drunk, had self-harmed, and hooked up with a stranger. My roommate found blood all over the dorm the next day. They told my mom they were worried about me. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

First semester sophomore year my childhood best friend and first love (although I hadn’t identified that yet), was hit by a train in a vehicle where the driver and all passengers were drunk. I sang at her funeral. Second semester of that year I had a seizure from abusing my depression medications to induce mania so I could stay up late and study.

Second semester of junior year I failed all but two classes. Prior to that I’d maintained between a 3.5 and a 3.8. I started my senior year on probation for my scholarship which required a minimum 3.5.

Before my senior year started I had been violently raped. Every attempt at having sex after that resulted in PTSD-induced flashbacks. I was failing classes. I was going to lose my scholarship. I was drinking all the time. I rarely left my room. I was starting to come to terms with my sexuality, with my mental illness, starting to realize much of the sex I had had could either be classified as rape or self harm.

I failed almost all my classes that last semester and dropped out. I lost the full ride scholarship and couldn’t afford to go back. I had one semester worth of classes left. I was suicidal and in the darkest place in my life.

I worked shitty jobs. I was lonely. My only friends had coldly dropped me out of their lives. But, there was a glimmer of hope in resilience. I worked my way into jobs I liked. I left my shitty hometown. I came out as a lesbian. I found a job I loved. Finally, I went back to school.

In fall of 2018, still working full time, I took one online theater class I still needed to resolve my dance minor. I changed my major to General Studies to finish faster. I reached out to my old adviser who helped me, even on sobbatical. I reached out to the dean of the honors department who had always been kind to me.

The next semester I retook my general honors thesis course. The last time I’d taken it I’d failed, never even submitting a thesis. This time around I poured my heart into a paper about butch/femme dynamics and published it in AfterEllen. A woman I dated dumped me, but she welcomed me into her community of radical lesbian feminists—a community I’d been isolated from for four years. Because of her I met my current partner with whom I’m deeply in love.

Over the summer I took two classes at a community college and transferred them to my university. In fall of 2019 after completing my last two classes and raising my GPA to a not-too-shabby 3.2, I have graduated with a Bachelor’s degree. I did it.

So if you’re feeling like you can’t do it, like it’s too hard, like you aren’t smart enough, good enough, stable enough—you can do it. Maybe not this year. And maybe you won’t have a 4.0. But you’ll finish. I believe in you.

#mine #selfie #school #graduation #college #bipolar disorder #lesbian positivity

26 notes · View notes

odaatlover · 5 years ago

Note

I just recently started college. I’m an architecture major. I am finding myself extremely stressed to meet deadlines, and even if I make the deadline, my work sucks. Like I spend all my time in my studio and my work is still subpar. I’m gaining weight and I don’t have time to work out which is also stressing me out. I feel like I’m already sinking and it’s only been three weeks. I want to stick with it bc I enjoy what I’m doing, but I’m just so stressed. Plus I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

College is definitely a stressful time, and that initial transition can be a little rocky for some people. College is a whole different ball game than high school. I know people who in high school had a 3.8 GPA and got scholarships because they always Aced tests and scored high on the SAT, but couldn’t hack it in college because they never did homework -- and they quickly found out that college is all papers and assignments and rarely ever tests. You can be the smartest person in the room, but if you’re used to things being easy for you and you’re not used to working hard (which happens for a lot of smart people), then college will be a bit of a struggle. A lot of those people dropped out or failed out because it wasn’t making them happy.

I also had a friend who was an art history major, but she hated college. She hated the stress, her classes, the “college life”, everything. But she wanted to go to college and get a degree in that because it was what she was good at and she felt like she had to get a degree in order to be worth something. At the end of fall semester her sophomore year, she failed out and was on academic probation and couldn’t return. And her parents told her, “This is the universe’s way of telling you that you’re not meant to go to college, and that’s okay. If it’s not making you happy, then don’t do it.” And I completely agree. And now she’s a professional makeup artist and just finished hair school a year ago and does hair and makeup for commercials and movies and stuff, and she loves it! College isn’t for everyone, and having a degree doesn’t give you any more value than someone who doesn’t have a degree. This whole idea that everyone has to go to college is the government’s way of trying to keep the US on top with having the most “educated people”, and by trying to make a shit ton of money on overpriced education. It’s all bullshit. If you enjoy college and getting that degree is a goal of yours and it’s something that’s going to make you feel really accomplished, then go for it! But if college is making you hate life and you feel like you’re drowning, then don’t feel like you have to continue on with that path, because maybe it’s not the one for you.

I’m not saying this is you, Anon, but I went on a bit of a tangent there for anyone reading this who feels this way or is going through this struggle. As for you specifically, college is stressful, but it shouldn’t be overbearing. If you’re struggling to make ends meet, then it could be that this specific program isn’t the right one for you. As in, maybe it’s not the right school. Being an architect major isn’t going to be the same everywhere, it’s going to be different based on the school, the professors, the other students, etc. So if it’s this difficult, and getting your degree is something you really want but just struggle to achieve, then maybe it’s not the right school for you. It could also be that you’re just starting out and need to get used to this new routine. Give it the semester, or maybe a year, and if you’re still struggling or it’s just too draining to be worth it, then try transferring schools.

As for the weight gain, you don’t have to work out in order to lose or maintain weight. Most of it comes from nutrition and what kinds of foods you’re eating. I’m not a professional, but I’ve been in the health/fitness game for over a decade now and have done (and continue to do) tons of research, and have lost a ton of weight. I’ll share a little bit of the knowledge that I have, and my personal opinions that help me. At the very base, weight loss/weight gain comes from calories in vs. calories out. Of course there are some other factors depending on the person, but that’s the very base of it. If you consume more calories than you burn, then you’ll gain weight, and if you consume less calories than you burn, then you’ll lose weight. And I am a firm believer in quantity over quality -- as in, 100 calories from an apple is way better and more nutritionally valuable than 100 calories from apple juice. Another thing to understand is that you are constantly burning calories. If you were to just lay in bed not moving at all but just breathing, you will burn about 60% of your calories. And then when you consume food and digest it, you burn let’s say another 10% of your calories. And then you’re left with just your lifestyle calories which comes from walking to the bathroom or fidgeting your hands or even blinking. So then you’re at like 90-95% of your calories burned (You can find that average number here). So then add working out onto the very end of that, and you find that you actually don’t burn as many calories working out as you think. So many people think you have to go to the gym for 6 hours every day and burn 3,000 calories at the gym in order to lose weight, but really working out is there for two purposes: training and building muscle, OR to help you lose weight faster. But nutrition and what you’re putting into your body is the most important thing as far as gaining or losing weight. You can lose weight just from sitting in a chair all day as long as you eat healthy foods and stay under the number of calories you naturally burn, but you can’t out train a bad diet. So if you’re concerned about gaining a bunch of weight and not having enough time to work out, look at your diet. Are you eating junk, or are you eating foods with nutrition that’s going to give you energy and keep you fuller longer? Of course being stressed and not moving around as much will cause you to crave those unhealthy foods, but if it’s something you’re really concerned about then just know that you don’t need time in order to lose the pounds you’ve put on or to keep yourself from gaining more weight. Focus on nutrition, make healthier choices, and gaining weight will be one less thing you have to worry about. Again, I’m not a professional, just an average person who had done a lot of research and listened to a lot of different opinions on the subject.

That was a lot of ranting, and I apologize for the sheer length of this answer because damn I’m chatty today lol. But just wanted to leave you with one last thing: This is your life, and the only person you should really worry about disappointing is yourself. If down the road you find that this is not the path you want to continue on, then you have every right to change that no matter what anybody else says, even your family. You have the right to try other paths to success, because there are more than one. Good luck, and I’m rooting for you, Anon!

#asks

4 notes · View notes

treslechesfan-tbolfan · 6 years ago

Text

I have a question for ya’ll

My GPA last semester was poop. (>1), and I have lost my scholarship money and my vocational rehab dollars. I am placed on university probation because of my grades. And I lost my scholarships because of my grades. Is there any way I can salvage my college education? IF so, what do I NEED to do? If not, what’s an alternative? I feel so heartbroken. Please help me. I am depressed. Not kidding.

@ericka-van-helsing

@erickadracula

@sallychanscraps

@jearwork

@jess-the-vampire

@moringmark

@hubedihubbe

@drericka

@hotdiggedydemon

#ineedhelp #drericka #dracula #hotel transylvania ericka #ericka van helsing #please read #i am so desperate #i am so depressed #jerza #jess the vampire #jearwork #atomicmangos #hotel t 3 #jarco #starco #tomstar #financial problems

4 notes · View notes

a-living-vessel · 6 years ago

Text

“The struggle you’re in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.”

Before the end on my first semester at college, one of the RA’s was taking down posters and pictures from her room and giving them away to her friends. She let me choose between the last two left that she made herself. For some reason, I was drawn to the one quoted above. And let me tell ya, I didn’t realize until just this moment why I needed it.

Towards the end of the semester, it was a little rough, and I’m not too happy about it. I will be very honest and say that I am ashamed to share this being how I used to do work. Coming into college, I had a 3.0 GPA and I could've done better than that, but, it was still very good. As the year progressed, even in my first semester, the time I took to do my work decreased as my time with friends increased. I was so caught up in my social life because I never had people that liked being around me or liked talking to me this much until I got there. So, my GPA plummeted. I’m not going to tell you to what, all I’m gonna say is that it was very, very low. When that happened, I got a notification at the end of that semester that if I didn’t fix it in my second semester, I would be on academic probation.

Fast forward to the finals week of my second semester, I was feeling better about my grades, keeping in contact with my advisor, making plans on my next steps with him, but still freaking out about some of my classes. Being a music major, it made me stress about music that I normally don’t stress about. During my piano juries, my piano teacher took note and talked to me after it about it saying that I’m just psyching myself out because she know how I normally play. I felt better after she talked to me, but, my stress and anxiety about being able to continue coming to this school was still looming over me.

The next day (or two days later, I forget), three of my friends and I went out on a little adventure to get our minds off of finals for a little and to have fun. On this adventure, my friend lost her keys...in the river. We could not find them and we had no reception. I trekked back up to the road where I found a cute little coffee shop that let me use their phone. After a few calls, I finally found someone who could give us a ride. Did I mention, by this time my vocal juries were about to start in an hour? Anyway, our friend who arrived to our rescue. About 10 minutes away from the school, my fellow music major friend, who came with on the adventure, got a text saying that the juries are starting earlier than scheduled, 15 minutes earlier. I felt my whole body just flush as if I lost all my blood and I was turning into a ghost.

Right as I got on campus, my other friend called me asking where I was because I was up. I was freaking out because my keys were left in my friends car, the one that we lost the keys for, and I needed to change. Well, I ended up getting time to change and look somewhat presentable. I walked in to my jury and the professors there said that I could take a moment to relax if I wanted, but, I said that I was fine. I will be honest, I did not do my best because I didn't take the time to breathe. But, that was not the part the worried me the most. My grades and GPA were brought up. I was told that they would get back to me to see if I would be able to continue as a music major or not.

Luckily, my advisor was there to vouch for me, so, I think that helped in ,making the decision. But, it took, what they told me would be a week, almost two weeks to get back to me about it. Another lucky thing is, my GPA was just high enough that I can get scholarships even with an academic probation. Although, I shouldn’t be saying it is luck, but, it is God’s grace and mercy over me.

“The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow” is really relevant to, not just that, but also some things that have been going on recently with car issues and health issues with my parents and myself, personally, and some other things. But, God doesn’t just let you go through things unless there is something he wants you to learn. Yes, he can take the struggle away when you ask for it, but, sometimes he says, “No. I need you to go through this so you can learn from it and share it.” Let it be a part of your testimony. Even though it doesn’t feel like it, he is still there even when you are going through the struggle. He may be trying to teach you to have patience, to “be slow to anger” or work on not being frustrated, to trust him more than you ever have before.

So, remember that you are not alone in your struggles. He is still there with you. He still loves you. He still wants the best for you. He has so much more for you than the idea of you not getting through this struggle or circumstance. He wants you to be stronger, and not just physically, but spiritually, mentally, emotionally. He wants you to gain more strength from him. He wants to give you his strength and that may be through this struggle or circumstance. “The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow.”

#Loretta in 2018 #struggle #life #long story warning...#sorry not sorry

1 note · View note

zipgrowth · 7 years ago

Text

Turning a Football Field into a Farm: How the ‘Urban Work College’ Could Lower College Costs

When Michael Sorrell took over as president of Paul Quinn College in 2007, the place was nearly broke and faced a possible loss of accreditation. Sorrell wasn’t interested in following the usual playbook for running a college, so he took unusual steps right from the start. He cut the football program, for instance, and turned the playing field into an urban farm.

Just to put that move in perspective, this college is in Dallas, a city that has been called the football capital of the world. But Sorrel was focused on building a new model for higher education, one that mixes work-readiness with expanding minds, and at a price that more students could afford.

EdSurge recently talked with Sorrell about how his model of an “urban work college,” and he shared the roundabout way that this college got into farming. The conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity. You can listen to a complete version below, or on your favorite podcast app (like iTunes or Stitcher).

One of your early decisions as president of Paul Quinn—which symbolizes how you are changing the place—was to eliminate the football team and turn the field into an urban farm. But it's not because you don't like sports. In fact, you played college basketball yourself, and you're in a place that loves football. Why did you do that?

People ask me what's my leadership style. I would tell them it's common-sense leadership. We couldn't afford football. It's that simple. We were losing eight hundred thousand to a million dollars a year on a football team that wasn't playing for National Championships, that wasn't producing students that graduated at a high enough clip, and was inconsistent with what we wanted to be as an institution. There's a cost associated with losing all the time and being associated with losing. It just didn't work for us.

The first week of my presidency we terminated the football program. We made sure people had places to go. We said we'd honor the scholarships of any students that had a B average or better. Again, we're not going to play for mediocrity. We held true to that. So, here we are. We cut the football program. We had this vacant football field, and we're in a food desert. We were closer to the city garbage dump than we were to the grocery store

The first two years of my presidency were extraordinarily difficult. I think we lost something like 400 of the 550 students in the first two years. I come back from lunch one day, and I get a message that a guy by the name of Trammell Crow had called. I didn't know Trammell Crow. He was the son of a real estate magnet, and I thought it was a prank. I thought one of my friends was being a jerk. I called him back, and it turns out it's legitimately Trammell Crow. Trammell said, "I'd like to go to lunch." So, Trammell and I go to lunch, and we hit it off.

I'm sitting there, and I got some advice from another college president who said, "When you're with people of means, you should just ask them for something. Get them in the habit of thinking that your institution is something that they should support." So I mentioned to Trammell, I said, "Hey, you know, people in our neighborhood, they don't have a grocery store. I think people should have a grocery store." Without missing a beat, he sidesteps the grocery store conversation and says, "You know, what I'm really passionate about are community gardens."

I hadn't really done much thinking about community gardens prior to that moment, but I quickly recognized we're not going to get a grocery store. My response was, "You know, I've recently become fascinated by community gardens myself." He said, "Well, would you guys have an interest in a community garden. Do you have anywhere to put it?" I said, "Yeah, we can put it on the football field." He says, "You can do that?" I'm like, "Yeah, I'm the president. We can do whatever we want to do." Right?

That started what then led to a relationship with Pepsi, and we turned the whole football field into a two-acre organic farm. Look, it was absurd. We had no agriculture programs. I called the woman who built the farm. She was our staff member who was responsible for it, and I said, "You're going to run a farm." Her response was, "We don't have a farm." I said, "We're about to have a farm." She said, "I don't know anything about farming. I was an econ major at Spelman." I said, "I don't care about any of that. Just Google it. Figure it out." Literally, she Googled, “What grows in Dallas?” That's how our farm started.

We've grown over 50,000 pounds of food since then. We give away ten percent of everything we grow. We call that tithing to the community. We have a 3,000-square-foot greenhouse. We've got chickens. We've got bees. We're working on an orchard. All of that started because we just were unafraid to fail. It was really a special experience.

You are one of the few colleges in the country that follows a model called a “work college,” and you are the only one doing that in an urban area. What is an “urban work college”?

At work colleges, students are required to work and go to classes. You work ten to fifteen hours per week. You take classes. You have a work transcript and an academic transcript. The work matters as much as your studies. You can be put on probation, academic probation, for not fulfilling your work assignment responsibilities. It gives the students an opportunity to graduate having four years of real-world work experience.

All those [other work colleges] are in rural areas. We're not. We're in the ninth largest city in the country. We needed a different version of that model. I went back and got a doctorate, in part so I could write a dissertation around this idea. I had this symphony on my head, and I needed to get it out. So, here we are. I'm doing the research. I'm researching why they didn't succeed for a part of my dissertation. It turns out, part of the reason they didn't succeed is that people couldn't figure out how to make the work something attractive, that the work they were assigning their students to do was drudgery. You see it in how the work colleges describe work. They talk about it being labor. Well, I've got students from urban areas. I can't sell, "Come labor," for four years. Nobody's going to buy that.

We're in a major business center. So why wouldn't we get our students off campus and into corporate jobs, so they then have these experiences of being effective leaders, and graduating with pre-professional training? Our version requires students to go work off campus for part of their four years in corporate work jobs. We take advantage of being in an urban area through that way. It has been an amazing success, and we're going to create a national network of urban work colleges.

There's a tension these days between whether college should prepare students for work, and to get that first job, or if college should be preparing students in this academic, big-picture way for the life they're going to lead holistically and not think so much about that first job. In your view, what is college for?

Let me preface this by saying, I went to the most liberal arts of the liberal arts colleges. I am a product of Oberlin College. I take the mind of the pursuits of the mind seriously. Okay. But, I also have a Master's in public policy. I have a law degree, and I have a doctorate. But to me, it is a bit unrealistic to expect people just to learn for the sake of learning with no regard for what happens next. I think that is disrespectful to the families who have made enormous sacrifices for their children to be there. You need to be able to draw a line for them, from point A to point B.

But, you shouldn't be a prisoner to the choices you made at 18. I started out college pre-med. That lasted one semester. It was a disaster. But in general, higher education hasn't always been an effective communicator about what's important. I liken this tension to the tension between W.E.B Du Bois and Booker T. Washington. Right? The idea of do we teach students to think or do we teach the students to do? It should never be either/or. It was always both/and. This is that same argument. We tell our families, we're going to teach your students how to think and how to do. Because in the shifting universe that is today's society, you cannot be trained to do just one thing. Then, you will never evolve, and you will be easily typecast. You'll be easily bypassed for people who have a variety of skill. I just don't know why we can't do both. We can do both. We challenge others to follow our lead in doing both.

There's an article in the Center for Investigative Reporting’s Reveal Project that found that financial aid is really going to the rich much more than it is to students in need and that there’s a misunderstanding about that in our society. One quote in this was, "There is a very seriously warped view among many Americans, and particularly more affluent Americans, about where the money is actually going." I've heard you talk about college debt. How did higher ed get where it is on this score, do you think?

Well, I think everybody wanted to be Saks Fifth Avenue when what America really needed were Walmarts. Right. Think about it. We talk about innovation at our school. We're not Stanford and MIT versions of innovation. That's Saks Fifth Avenue. That's Neiman Marcus. Okay. We are innovation for everyone. That's Walmart innovation. Okay? Some of this is the US News and World Report rankings, right? Everyone wants to be elite.

We became broken as an industry. Everyone wanted to be one thing, and we forgot that some of us weren't meant to that thing. Some of us were meant to provide services to a different kind of student. 85 to 95 percent of my students are Pell Grant eligible. How do I not be concerned with the cost of education? How do I think that I can just continue to raise prices and it not have an adverse impact on them? Maybe you can do that if you don't talk to your students. You don't know your students. You can't do it if you care about them.

Just to be clear, as you talk about your 'work college' model, one goal is to get the price down for students, right?

That's absolutely right. We cut tuition fees by $10,000. We went from charging $43,800 down to about $14,400. We created this situation where students can graduate only less than $10,000 in debt after four years. This is in response to listening to what our students said. They were struggling. They were poor. They were poorly capitalized. It was hard for them. Why wouldn't we listen? Why wouldn't we take their needs into concern?

When you talk about Walmart and higher education, many in higher ed would bristle at that, right? Despite the access issue, it does seem like there's this huge tension and especially when you're trying to also say that you're a quality place. How do you communicate that?

Well, first of all, let's understand that only out of touch condescending people would think that Walmart doesn’t provide a quality service. That's part of the problem. People bristle because they fundamentally have no idea what everybody else's life is like.

It’s a class issue, right?

Yeah. It's a class issue, right? Look, I get it. My parents grew up ... my family made lots of money. Okay. I went to the best private schools. Here's the difference. My father never went to college. He was an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurship in one generation took my family, on my father's side, from a man who never stepped foot on a college campus, to a son who is a college president. My mother grew up poor in the rural South. Her family was so poor that when she and her first cousin went to college together, and the family pulled their resources, they still couldn't afford everything they needed. They had one set of clothing. No problem, except my mother's five eleven and my aunt's five six.

I love elite education. I am the product of elite education. But, I love my students having better lives.

I didn't come to this profession just so that I could sit around and talk to other college presidents and other leaders in higher education about problems and not actually understand the students we're trying to serve. I'm here for my students. I'm here for the communities that sent them to us. Our institution should respond to the needs of the students we have. How warped is it that instead of finding and figuring out ways to educate students from our under-resourced communities, our inner cities, our rural poor, that we, instead, went looking overseas to places we can charge full price and not have to subsidize the students? I get it. It's a business. I'm saying it's a business for who? Who are we in tune with? Who are we trying to support and help?

I hear that you are moving away—or maybe already moved away—from textbooks. What do you do instead?

We use open-source material. Between the internet and other sources, you can find plenty of education. I'm a professor. I teach, so I don't expect anyone to do things that I'm not doing. I don't use textbooks. I use other sources. The other reason is, unintentionally there was a caste system being created in our classrooms: Those students who could buy the books and those students who couldn't buy the books. The students who weren't buying the books [it wasn’t] because they didn't care about the lessons. They weren't buying the books because they had other pressing financial demands in their lives that precluded them from doing that. You were getting a classroom situation where some of your students had the means to buy the books and some didn't. Why would you do that? Why would you make people feel worse about themselves and their circumstances? So, we got rid of it.

Turning a Football Field into a Farm: How the ‘Urban Work College’ Could Lower College Costs published first on http://ift.tt/2x05DG9

0 notes