#and i lose a scene that feels Very Important but the entire ch just reads as redundant to me

[plusultraetc]

me at 12:27 am trying to figure out if I should cut Brave the Dark chapter 10 and fuse chapters 11 and 12 and trim unnecessary worldbuilding and run away to live in the mountains somewhere

[septembersghost]

Omfg.....I am in shambles. AOTG is too good. It has that plot of invisible string with the reference in paper rings fleshed out("without all the exes.........here so tall"). Her vocals 🤯🥵🥵. How could she leave this. This makes me sure that joe also had his share of 'all too wells'. Something she hinted in willow (show me the places where the others gave you scars). And the treat me like a lady😫😫. I feel like the bathroom reference is jake(party bathroom,cry tears mascara in the bathroom,etc..) The ready for it...? reference (I forget their names now).The leaving without saying goodbye part made me think of HS(Mainly because of her AYHTDWS speeches and breakup makeup). It is also important to note that she is not jealous of his exes but she is thankful they made him who he is today. For some reason this song feels like false god sound to me. God!!!! I wanna teach you what forever feels like is such a 'I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever" .

Ps. I feel like I am going to come to your ask box again if I want to scream something . Sorryyy💕💕

i love just reading this and nodding along, and for every argument about why she left it off the record (too many love songs, she uses its themes in other songs, lover was already too long, etc), i have two counterarguments. the first is, she has never actually addressed the concept of being thankful that the other girls in his life existed, because they helped him become who he is, plus the mention of his mom!, and there is something very warm and gracious and newly grown in that concept (i've seen people say this makes it too much like thank u, next, but they're quite different to me?), and, second, IT'S A GREAT SONG!!! WHY CUT THAT GOOD OF A SONG?! AHHHHH

i still think she could've opened the album with it to set the whole scene. iftye is...fine...but the callback to rep isn't entirely necessary and it doesn't do as much for the album's whole concept. imagine starting with the gratitude and then telling the rest of the story, the bookend with daylight, with once believing love was burning red, but it's golden! envision this with me please, it makes me lose it!

there are so many parallels and references to her past experiences, as you pointed out (even to glitch and "dudes who give nothing"), and the idea of "forgetting" can tie into the experience with CH as well. definitely think crying in the bathroom and leaving without saying goodbye are allusions to those relationships you mentioned, and her processing the way they fell apart so sharply contrasted with what she feels with joe. the reason i half-joked that this song would've ended so many arguments years ago is because it gives us an even more whole picture of them, and her maturity and the love they share as partners, it gives us that peek into the fact that he's had his share of heartbreak too, AND it has killer production and amazing vocals. i've been in the TRENCHES for lover and aotg would've simply proven those points!!! that's interesting that it feels like false god to you, i wonder if it would've helped false god feel less out of place sonically to some fans? (i loooove false god btw!) her sincerity and that feeling of contentment in the song too, i just! it's very "all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing" coded too.

another thing the leaks of aotg and need did was remind me how very much i love lover and its heart and the revelations she gave us through it and its soundscape. taylor's description: "Lover is, like, completely just a barn wood floor and some ripped curtains flowing in the breeze, and fields of flowers and, you know, velvet." i feel that SO vividly in these two tracks where i might not in a couple of the songs that did make the album, and i'm curious HOW she made those decisions. (secret unpopular opinion shhh but they reminded me why i actually cherish and prefer the overall sound of lover to midnights. not at all discounting midnights' strengths as a whole, but in my heart, i'd always choose lover.)

she paints such a beautiful portrait of their love and i adore every crumb we get of it, i am a simple hopeless romantic girl! every dead-end street lead you straight to me! because things that feel like endings take you a new path! i love you more!!! 😭

i'm rambling on, but i agree with everything you said, and please don't be sorry, come and scream in excitement to me whenever you want!!! 💖💖💖

[llycaons]

I have so many issues with the novel but I'm honestly so interested in how it was adapted and how the drama team chose which elements to leave in, which to leave out, and which to change, and how that included things that aren't directly required by censorship. because changing a few significant things about the story is enough to entirely disrupt the rest of it in ways that have to be accounted for. which is why I feel like plot holes are more likely in adaptations than original works. this is just me rambling about the nature of adaptations and his character so im putting it under a cut

like this may be because it's been ages since I've read the novel but I feel like novel wwx was. a real dick. but that's the point because most of the flashback, which was most of the time he was a dick, was just bits and pieces interspersed throughout the main storyline. so he was still kind of an asshole in the main storyline but the development he had was a lot of him maturing and growing too

but that format wouldn't have worked for the show because the show made the flashback a continuous narrative and added in a lot of material, which emphasized the tragedy and strengthened the yunmeng siblings relationship, but it also made flashback wwx a much bigger presence and if the audience was to give a shit about him they had to make him more likeable. so that meant easing up on his obnoxious invasiveness and obliviousness, writing in genuinely very sweet and thoughtful moments, and giving him that really strong moral center by having him swear an oath with the lanterns

cql wwx from the beginning was full of himself and slightly insensitive and but you could tell he had a good heart and loved the people around him, and his worse impulses were more that result of being a 15/16 year old than of being a person who doesn't care about the feelings of others. but novel wwx really came off like a troublemaker who enjoyed messing with lwj because it was fun for him, and he carries that attitude of having fun at the expense of other people right into his new life. cql wwx enjoyed making trouble but by even the sunshot campaign he felt like a more mature and conciencious adult than novel wwx did by the end of the book. and yeah part of the is the traumatic experience of being at war, but from the beginning they felt like different characters with some similar traits. and this is a big frustration I have because mxtx will write in frankly insulting scenes to cater to her homophobic audience which detract from the writing of otherwise really good characters. this happens in tgcf too but at least it doesn't have an adult [do what happened in ch 96] because he was "immature" or didn't care about consent or whatever the reasoning was

like. novel wwx did almost all the plot-important things that cql wwx did but it also kind of seemed like he was always either hiding from his stronger feelings or just...didn't care very much? this may be due to the translation but novel wwx was so blase about a lot of things that were going on that I was often quite frustated with him. as someone who underwent so much trauma, it was strange that we never got a sense of that emotional catharsis. all of his worst moments at the end after losing the wens were drily narrated, and we didn't even see his death scene

and this is definitely A Choice that was made in the writing and it wasn't even necessarily a bad one because he IS a character who hides or avoids a lot of what he feels, but it didn't work for me because I never got the sense he was actually invested, even when he was throwing away everything to help someone. and we did get some moments where he shows how important these things are to him but they're so few and far between it made the novel almost unbearable because he felt like such an asshole the rest of the time

(likewise they couldn't show the romance explictly at the end so they had to do away with the the semi-antagonistic flashback relationship characterized by defensiveness, disrespect, forceful imprisonment, and miscommunication, and instead focused on their shared goals and principles, how much they admire and respect each other, and how the circumstances and traumatic events prevented them from acting on their feelings for each other, resulting in what I feel was a much more organic, believable, and equal relationship, and given that the novel and drama share almost no romantic scenes, it only makes sense that their dynamic is different as a result. but that's all been said before)

but a lot of novel (and donghua) fans seemed fairly upset with the wwx that the drama wrote, and like, I can understand why, because this just isn't the same character as this raw, brilliant, cavalier founder of demonic cultivation. but I like him in cql better. I like him a lot better. he's kind of arrogant, but he doesn't upset people for fun. he doesn't feel like an empty character with unfathomable emotional responses or a walking vehicle for homophobic stereotypes or violent fantasies (even though a LOT of cql fans are very weird about him). and he does have that strong sense of justice and that gentleness and tenderness to him, and I feel like things like his compassion come through a lot better in the show than in the novel

and finally, him not actually being the founder disappoints some ppl, but I think it makes sense? I don't mind it. since he couldn't actually be the reason all those people died, it wasn't even a necessary change to make him a lot kinder. but a character who loses control and is cruel is a lot less compelling than either a character who maintain controls and is cruel, or loses control and is kind. novel wwx is the former and cql wwx is the latter. I feel that was a change they made because it fit the story better. also because maybe they read the novel and went 'oh this guy is a huge douchbag we better work on that'

and I have yet to watch the donghua so maybe they were able to tell the story more faithfully to the novel, but the drama changes work for the story it wanted to tell. almost all the major plot points and many scenes are entirely accurate, but I still can't call it a faithful adaptation because the drama has a very different tone and atmosphere to the novel and the characters and details of events were given small but significant changes

[lady-griffin]

Who do you think will Katarina end up with?

Geordo

There are several reasons for why I think this. 

He is the male lead and is considered in the character introductions at the beginning of each Light Novel, to be One of the TWO leads, while the rest of the cast are divided up as secondary to minor characters.

This is how the characters are introduced in the Light Novels 1-5.

Katarina and Geordo’s character introductions are untouched for the most part from novel to novel. But the way the other characters are introduced with each novel changes bit by bit.

From Alan and Keith being marked as secondary characters in the 1st novel.

To Alan, Keith, and Nicol being marked as secondary characters in the 2nd novel.

To the entire Harem (minus Geordo) being marked as secondary characters in the 3rd novel and onwards.

Now I don’t know the characters introductions beyond the 5th novel, but I highly doubt that they have changed that much or if at all.

Katarina and Geordo are clearly marked as being equal in character importance – the Female Lead and the Male Lead.

Though, in the actual events of the story, Katarina is clearly the MAIN character while Geordo is just one of the many characters who is rotating around her.

--

Geordo is the first character who we truly meet in the story (excluding Katarina). Signifying his importance to the story as a whole. 

Not only that, but he is only the first character introduced as a romantic interest 

OG Katarina immediately falling for him

Geordo proposing to Katarina

Geordo and Katarina being engaged

As well as the first Doom Flag -

Katarina realizes she’s in the game of Fortune Lover because of Geordo’s name and the fact that their engagement story is the same as from the game. Because of that, we learn what that actually means for Katarina who is the villainess of the original story. Or at least, what she thinks it means. 

--

Being a romantic interest and a doom flag is a character position solely unique to Geordo and Keith.

While every now and again, Katarina will bring up that Maria, Alan and or Nicol are potentially “dangerous” to her and thus people she needs to keep an eye on for her safety… in all honestly, they’re really not. 

Honestly, it kind of feels like the author(s) forget that the other characters could hypothetically be a ‘threat’ to Katarina and remember it randomly at times, and thus just insert it into the story. 

Geordo and Keith are the true “doom flags” for Katarina. And even in that regard, Geordo and Keith are treated somewhat differently from one another. 

Geordo’s role as a doom flag, is given a lot more attention than Keith as a doom flag. Now Katarina will insure her “safety” by telling Keith that she will never stand in his way of him being in love with someone, but that’s about it, as the years go on. 

Katarina practicing her magic and getting stronger in that field to avoid being killed by Keith, is basically dropped as soon as it’s mentioned. As Katarina’s magic is quickly established as being weak, no matter what she does. So, that aspect of the story is a bit forgotten as the story moves forward.

But really, I think that even Katarina realizes that Keith as a doom flag is basically a neutralized threat, because of their close sibling relationship.

Geordo on the other hand, is still treated as a Doom Flag. Essentially all of her plans of escaping her doom, are basically plans that focus on Geordo turning on her and how to escape him specifically. Her snakes and even her sword-fighting (which is brought up less than the snakes).

So, one of the main premises of the story - the romantic and comedic tension of Katarina thinking her love-interests are potential doom-interests for her – is largely dominated by Geordo and Katarina’s relationship with him.

Though Keith is a close second in that regard. 

--

Rivalry 

While everyone is a rival, Geordo and Keith are the two main rivals (especially in the Manga).

We see this with their constant passive aggressive fighting and commentary towards one another, as well as being essential and core elements to the whole Harem and its dynamic.

Now, depending on which medium your engaging with, there are very strong arguments for Maria, Mary, or Alan being a third main rival character or if not that, at least being at a higher level than the others.

Maria

Maria is the original MC from Fortune Lover and is essential to Katarina’s fate…or at least in Katarina’s mind she is. That alone separates her from the others Harem Members. 

Maria is also marked a being different the the rest, by being the newcomer to the Harem, and her and Katarina’s relationship (friendship and more) is a factor to the overall story. 

All of that marks her as being if not a main rival, then certainly higher than others. 

Mary

Mary get in the thick of it as much as Geordo and Keith do (especially in the novels). She is a constant thorn and wrench to Geordo and everyone else, but mostly Geordo.

Alan

Alan, because of his character design and popularity among fans, he gets leveled up and is given more attention as the story continues to progress and the anime clearly cements him as a main rival.

As shown in Vol 5. Geordo is the main rival to everyone and they’re all separated into groups into what their roles are in regards to breaking Geordo and Katarina’s engagement up and keeping them apart.

While really for comedic sakes, Geordo being the biggest opponent to everyone does, to some degree, tell us about his chances with Katarina (or at least I think so).  

--

Kiss Scenes (LIGHT NOVEL SPOILERS BELOW)

In Novels 1-5, there are essentially 8 kisses that Katarina receives from the other characters (on her hand to her lips).

Out of these kisses, Geordo is the partner 6 times. Out of these kisses there are 3 pictures, that while not depicting the kisses themselves, do depict the moment just before. All of those pictures depict Geordo’s kisses.

Hand Kiss – Geordo (Vol.1)

There is a picture depicting the overall proposal scene, but not Geordo kissing Katarina’s hand or him about to.

Neck Kiss – Geordo (Vol.1)

There is a picture of Geordo hugging Katarina as they dance, right before he kisses her, but I didn’t really think it counted.

Water Kiss – Geordo (Vol.2)

This is absolutely a kiss scene. You can debate whether it’s CPR or something else, but the way it’s treated in the context of the story - it’s a kiss scene. Simple as that. 

Neck Kiss 2.0 – Sora (Vol.3)

No picture.

Retaliation Kiss – Geordo (Vol.3)

No picture.

Confession Kiss – Geordo (Vol.3)

Basically, Katarina realizes that Geordo has romantic feelings for her in this scene. While she initially thought his Retaliation Kiss was just a dream of hers, a dream she was very flustered by, she is now more than aware of what is happening.

Waking Up Kiss – Keith (Vol.4)

Keith wakes up from his own Dark Magic Coma (so to speak) and thinking Katarina is just a dream, he kisses her, much to the shock of Katarina. 

No Picture.

Retaliation Kiss 2.0 – Geordo (Vol.4)

Upset that Keith kissed Katarina in the “Waking Up Kiss”, Geordo also kisses her. 

This scene in particular, especiall with the picture, I think really cements Geordo as the one who Katarina will end up with. 

Simply because, Keith just kissed Katarina and there was no picture depicting it even though it happened a few moments/pages ago, but yet Geordo’s kiss (or about to kiss) is depicted. So, to me, this seems very telling.

 -

[Update] Originally I brought up how Nicol kissed Katarina in Vol.8 that also had a picture depicitng the scene...but that was inaccurate. There is no kiss scene between the two in that moment.

Any others, I have no idea about. 

I’m just going to stick to the novels I have read up to this point. 

So, let’s get to my main point. Out of the 8 Kisses Katarina receives, in Volumes 1-5. It’s very telling to me that Geordo is the one doing the kissing 6 out of the 8 times. Plus, in the the first 5 Volumes, the 3 kisses that are depicted are Geordo’s.

--

In Ch. 17.5 we have our first bonus chapter, which gives us a special look into Geordo’s feelings for Katarina. So far, Geordo is the only one who has received this treatment. 

Now that doesn’t mean others won’t, but I personally think that chapter is very sweet and romantic, so given that it’s Geordo’s chapter is another point for him.

In case, you somehow didn’t know, I love Ch. 17.5

--

Finally given how the story was supposed to end at Vol 2.

It’s very interesting to me that the last chapter, is from Geordo’s POV. We get to see his view on their relationship and his feelings for Katarina, as well as the water kiss scene.

Geordo gives a brief summary of each of the characters. More importantly he thinks about how is not pleased that everyone else is in love with Katarina and how he might lose her, but he does admit that he’s okay with things staying like this for awhile longer. 

Largely because Katarina is so happy.

--

I genuinely do think Geordo has the best shot of ending up with Katarina out of all the characters. 

Now whether I think that because I ship him and Katarina or whether I ship Geordo x Katarina because I think he has the best chance  is difficult to say. Probably both. 

Thanks for the question! :)

[outer-bnks]

Two Burning Hearts Are Dared to Break (JJ x Original Character) Ch. 1

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

What happens after you lose one of the most important people in your life? After losing John B and Sarah, JJ and Elle realise that the only thing they have left is each other. 

Picks up directly after 1x10. 

Content: sadness, grief, slow burn, eventual best friends to lovers 

Warnings: swearing, mentions of child abuse/bruises from child abuse, mentions of grief, mentions of anxiety, non-sexual shower scene

Inspiration: OBX the series, especially 1x10.

A/N: I’ve had this idea in my head since finishing OBX the first time. I want to make it into a slow burn series with angst and pining. Also want different love interests introduced which causes obvious tension (Topper character redemption arc). Let me know if you’d be interested in reading that. 

Also, I’m Australian so beware of UK spelling habits instead of American eg. Mum vs. Mom. 

Word count: 2388k

feedback/likes/comments really appreciated

It’d been roughly an hour of sitting in the makeshift SBI tent, the tropical storm raging on whilst the heavy rain pelted down around it. Pope with one arm around Kie as she continued to sob into his shoulder, her parents sitting in silence beside them. Heyward took the initiative of talking to Shoupe after he had delivered the news, pulling him away from the kids to try and gain some perspective on the matter. Members of the SBI were bustling in between the tents, continuing on with their investigation.

Across from Pope and Kie, JJ sat, head in his hands, trying to block out the sounds of everyone around him. Shoupe’s words on repeat in his head “We lost them… we lost them”. Elle sat to his right, staring blankly at the ground. Unlike JJ, her head was empty, and not the peaceful kind of empty, the kind that would slowly drive you insane. This kind of silence between the pogues was rare, each too consumed in their thoughts, or lack thereof to attempt any kind of conversation.

Elle felt JJ shift beside her, finally lifting his head from his hands. She turned to watch him, cautious of an emotional outburst. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks wet with the constant stream of tears that had been trailing down his face. Wiping his face clear, he stood up abruptly, gaining the attention of Pope, Kie and her parents. 

“Can we leave this fucking tent yet?!” he questioned, looking towards the SBI agents guarding the entrances. As if on cue, Shoupe and Heyward entered, pulling their soaking hoods down from their heads. 

“Not yet son, we need to get statements from each of you and do some questioning” Shoupe responded, hands on his hips as if to maintain his authority, but his face held a solemn look. Elle couldn't tell if it was due to the guilt or the pity. 

“Questioning?! You’re going to question us about how you and your minions drove our friends right into a raging storm?!” JJ challenged, taking his signature red hat off and running a hand through his tousled hair out of frustration.

“Look, I know you’re all hurting right now”, JJ scoffed, Kie finally lifting her head from its place on Pope’s shoulder, “but this is still a criminal investigation, and you’re all accomplices as far as we’re concerned”.

“That’s absolute bullshit Shoupe, he wasn’t a criminal and you know it!” Pope exclaimed, surprising everyone in the room.

Heyward stepped forward, as if to take control of the situation, “Come on man, look at these kids. Do they look like they’re in any way to be interrogated right now?”

Holding eye contact with him, Shoupe sighed, lifting his eyes to glance around the room from one pogue to the next. “Alright, go home and get some rest. But we’re going to have to bring each of you in tomorrow”, pointedly looking at JJ he added “and we want to know the truth about everything”.

Rolling his eyes JJ looked across to Pope and Kie, who both shared the same looks of worry on their faces. Talking to the police about everything that’s happened over the past few weeks was the last thing any one of them wanted to do.

Everyone started to disperse from the scene. Kie hugging them all before leaving with her parents, her Mum’s arm holding her close as they walked to their car. The Heyward’s followed their lead, bidding goodbye to Elle and JJ before heading home. JJ turned to look at Elle after watching their friends leave, feeling an overwhelming sense of dread just thinking about returning back to his house.

Elle, like always, picked up on the fear radiating off of him, grabbing his right hand in her left and squeezing it gently. She knew there was no possible act of affection that could slow the thoughts racing through his mind right now. “Hey, come and stay with me tonight”, she offered softly. The very idea of returning to her house alone tonight caused feelings of anxiety to arise, at least if she had JJ there, her house wouldn’t feel so empty.

It didn’t take much to convince JJ. Going back to a mansion in Figure Eight with his best friend seemed a hell of a lot safer than returning to his beat up shack with his father, who no doubt was already passed out on the couch. JJ’s eyes moved from their place on their interconnected hands up to meet Elle’s eyes. They held a pleading look, silently begging him to let his walls down and accept the offer that on any other occasion he would refuse. 

“Uhh, yeah.. Okay”, he nodded softly. 

“Alright then”, Elle turned back to the seat that she had occupied, picking up her keys and beginning to drag him along with her, “let’s get the hell out of here”.

----

The car ride was silent. The only sounds coming from the engine of Elle’s jeep as they drove through the Cut, the water pelting down onto the exterior of the car. JJ sat next to her, his gaze never wavering from the window to his right. The torrential downpour had soaked through their clothes, leaving Elle shivering slightly as she gripped the wheel. She’d always loved driving, especially around the Cut. The scenery was similar to that on her side of the island, but the feelings that it evoked were the opposite. The Cut felt more like home than Figure Eight ever would, but there was a nagging thought that that feeling was due to the boy sitting next to her, and not the Cut itself.

Passing over the bridge into Figure Eight, it was only a matter of minutes before they had arrived at the Sterling residence. The grand house stood on a large block of bright green land, surrounded by a carefully maintained flowerbed, displaying the hard work of the Sterling’s gardeners. The outdoor automatic lights switched on as Elle and JJ made their way to her front door. JJ had only been inside Elle’s house a handful of times, despite their 4 year friendship, but he still doesn’t think there'd be a time where he wouldn’t be astounded by the sheer size of it and the never ending staircase that greeted you as you entered the front door.

“Are you hungry? I can grab us some food before we head up to my room” Elle proposed, pointing towards the kitchen.

JJ denied the offer, in spite of the slight grumble that came from his stomach. He was worried that anything he tried to get down might not stay there.

Elle nodded, leading them up the stairs to the second floor which held her and her brothers bedrooms, as well as another living area. JJ felt out of place in his wet, muddy clothes and bruised skin, a strong contrast to the white walls and clean carpet. 

Entering her room, JJ stood awkwardly, noting her large queen sized bed with a quilt cover that matched her blue and white colour scheme, and the walk-in wardrobe to the left of it. He wondered why she’d needed such a closet when her wardrobe consisted of tank tops and shorts throughout the summer. 

“Did you.. uh.. wanna take a shower? There’s towels in the cupboard under the sink and shampoo and conditioner inside the shower if you need it” she asked whilst rummaging through some drawers in her closet. She pulled out a pair of soft black shorts and a tee that she had borrowed from JJ when staying over at the Chateau a few weeks ago, holding them out to JJ shyly, “these are yours, freshly washed. Think they might be a bit more comfortable than what you’ve got on”. 

JJ had to glance down to remind himself of what he’d been wearing. She was right, the combat boots adorning his feet were sturdy and heavy, his shorts stiff from a mixture of dried rain and mud, whilst his button down clung to his body, entirely saturated. Glancing back at Elle he accepted the clothes, offering what he could muster up of a smile. 

“Yeah..thanks”, making his way toward the on suite bathroom that was to the right of her bed. 

Elle busied herself by searching through her drawers for clothes to change into, when she heard JJ began to speak.

“Um, Elle, would you mind uh”, she turned, watching him stutter over his sentence.

“Yeah?” she encouraged softly, curious as to what he was getting at.

“I… uhm, well, I don’t really wanna be alone right now”, he confessed, mumbling the last part whilst avoiding eye contact by focusing on how his boots were dirtying her floor.

Taken aback by his admission of vulnerability, Elle’s brows furrowed slightly, somewhat confused of what he was asking.

With caution, she pressed “Do you want me to come into the bathroom with you?”.

“Well like, yeah… if you don’t mind”, finally lifting his gaze to meet her eyes. Compared to the pleading look they held back at the tent, they were curious and inviting. JJ would never understand how her eyes were able to show every emotion she was feeling. 

Giving him a reassuring head nod and a comforting smile she responded, “Of course I don’t mind”. 

Turning back to her drawers, she grabbed out a pair of pyjama shorts and a run-down oversized t-shirt she had bought from the country club’s charity fundraiser a few years back. Opening up her underwear drawer, she spotted her pale blue bikini. Grabbing it out, along with a pair of clean underwear, she walked over to where JJ was leaning against the bathroom door, watching her. 

Contrary to Elle’s usual confidence that she displayed, nervously, she held up her bikini whilst proposing her idea “I know you don't want to be alone right now, and to be honest neither do I. Would you mind if I hopped in the shower with you?” 

His blue eyes widened slightly, with both surprise and affection. Under any other circumstance he would make an inappropriate or flirtatious comment, when faced with this kind of situation. God, he really wished they were under any other circumstance right now. 

Despite the heavy feeling in his heart, he cracked a small smile and joked “As long as you wash my hair”.

Elle giggled, a sound that he hadn’t heard in a few days. Since the gold game had taken a turn for the worse. He’d missed it.

Following her into the bathroom, he stripped down to his boxers, whilst waiting for the water to warm up. Once he’d stepped in, he relinquished in the feeling of the hot water running down over his head and down his body. 

Elle, now in her bikini, his favourite bikini to be precise, stepped in after him, sighing at the feeling of the hot water slightly scalding her body, after being uncomfortably damp for so long. 

Observing her movements, JJ watched as she picked up a body sponge and pumped some body wash onto it. Turning back to him she motioned for him to turn so that his back was facing her. Beginning at his shoulders, Elle moved the sponge in circular motions, the grime starting to lift off of his tanned skin. She worked quietly, focusing on the task at hand, distracting herself from the thoughts of the past few hours that threatened to enter. JJ remained silent while Elle worked, attempting to relax under the water and her gentle touch.

Once she had completed his back, she applied some pressure to his right arm, turning him to face her. They met eyes, a mutual feeling of vulnerability connecting them. Moving her eyes away from his face, as to contain some kind of break down, she began the circular motion from his shoulders and collar bones, down to his torso. Elle sucked in a breath after being faced with the dark purple bruises that covered his toned body. She doesn’t think she will ever be able to remove the images of these bruises from her brain. Anger surged through her temporarily at the acts of violence that had led to such bruises to arise. Elle crouched down slightly, now eye to eye with the marks and using a gentler motion than before, cleaned over them, wary of applying too much pressure and causing him even more pain than he’s already in. She let the water wash off the soap from the injuries, softly pressing her lips to the area, kissing lightly, before moving onto the next mark.

JJ sucked in a breath at the act of affection, watching her press the kisses to his skin. No one had ever treated him with such care, as if he were porcelain and pressing too hard may just shatter him. His heart swelled with a feeling he couldn’t describe, tears prickling at his eyes. His breathing began to shallow, willing himself not to break down completely. 

By the time Elle had returned to a standing position, JJ had tears streaming down his face. With the same gentle touch as before, she wiped under his eyes, ridding them of what she thought were tears, it was hard to tell amongst the water of the shower head. She searched his face, trying to decipher his emotions.  Did she hurt him? Had she gone too far? Had she crossed an unspoken boundary that wasn’t supposed to be crossed? JJ cut off her overthinking when he pulled her into his body, holding onto her for dear life. Elle tightened her arms around him, his body shaking while he sobbed into her neck, the warm water running over them, blocking out the sounds of his whimpers. 

With more emotion than she’d ever heard in his voice, he finally spoke “He’s gone Elle. He’s just gone.” Between sobs, and spluttering he continued, “What am I supposed to do now? He’s gone. He was all I had”. 

Elle joined him then. She tightened her hold on him even more, as the tears beginning to fill her eyes, turned into streams of tears, and then into a full-blown breakdown. They stood there, under the water, holding onto each other desperately, crying. Crying for everything that they’d been through. For everything that they’d lost. For John B. 

[artsoupsoupart]

Madney Week 2021: Paint Me as You Mourn Me

Day Three:   “I don’t care what happens to me as long as you’re safe.” + angst

Read on Ao3  

“Ch-Chim,” her voice is so far off in the distance, somewhere behind the ringing in his ears. It’s dark, but there are flashes of light pulsing into his line of vision, and he knows he’s hit his head at some point. “Chim, you can get out. Something—”

Her own grunt of frustration cuts her off as he shakes his head, eyes blazing with certainty as his vision clears enough to focus on Maddie, the one person he had secretly vowed to protect from the moment he had met her (even if he didn’t really know the extent of said vow). He looks around for something, anything that could free her from the weight crushing her. “No, gotta get you out first.”

He can think a bit clearer now that the dust has settled, and he’s taken in his surroundings. There had been an earthquake. It had shaken everything and anything, but then it had stopped. The aftershock, though, was quick and intense, and then they were falling, and Chimney was losing everything that meant anything to him. She’s not gone yet; he has to remember that. She’s not allowed to leave him he thinks to himself. Not yet at least. There’s a long trail of blood dripping from her head, thick and oozing, and her eye and side of her face is already beginning to bruise something grotesquely purple. He remembers the ground shaking, remembers thinking this is one of the biggest earthquakes he had ever experienced. He had shielded her with his own body, protecting her in the passageway of the parking garage but then the floor gave out beneath them, and they fell and tumbled to whatever was below.

“Baby, I’m…” she groans out in a pain so distinct that it sinks his heart. “I’m stuck. You have to go. If you don’t,” Maddie winces in pain, her words slurring. “If you don’t—”

“No!” he cuts her off again, his hands cupping her cheeks. “I don’t care what happens to me as long as you’re safe.”

The first time he had picked up a paintbrush, Howard Han was eight years old and at school. It had been the most natural transition from crayons and color pencils to acrylics and watercolors. He had loved it immediately and had gushed to his mother over and over again about how he had wanted to paint for the rest of his life. He painted even the most mundane of scenes. There were canvases of the sky and the moon and the woods behind his home. He had journals and sketchbooks of little moments of ice cream trips and big events like graduating. He mapped out every important event of his life through acrylic and graphite and watercolor.

Setting up Maddie’s security system had been an easy tradeoff for beer and pizza. He had said yes before even meeting her, mainly because he is kind and gentle and the safety of someone is his main priority no matter if he’s on the clock or not.

And then he had seen her. She had said she’d never seen Mission Impossible and what a travesty that is, he had joked. Immediately he takes notice of her, drinking her into his system in the least creepy way possible. She’s blue but not in the dangerous, threatening midnight or oxford blue of a raging ocean where the sea threatens to swallow and drown him whole. She’s nothing like the broad strokes of a pallet knife, thick and aggressive and coarse. She’s far from the aquamarine that drips of hopelessness and grief that he knows so well. She doesn’t make him sad. She doesn’t make an alarm go off in his mind that encourages him to put up false pretenses that will lead to absolutely nothing and drain him of everything he thought he was.

Instead, the strokes of paint are soft under the round brush. Featherlight but abstract because this is already beautiful but so wonderfully new. Chimney doesn’t know the last time he’s felt like this or if he’s ever felt this feeling before. He yearns for her already though they barely know each other, they don’t know each other. Still, she’s a calming sapphire, welcoming and brilliant. He wants to learn what makes her smile, what makes her laugh, what makes her dream of love and light. She sparkles already and he’s only known her for a couple hours. For just a moment he knows he can’t begin to capture what she makes him feel on a piece of linen wrapped around planks of pine.

…

Takeout and a movie between friends, that’s all this is. It’s all this will be because they’re friends and he’s content with that. For each tomorrow, he makes a vow that says if friendship is all they have, that will do. Because she’s been through a lot. It’s what she needs and what she deserves and he’s grateful to be witness to a side of her that he thinks is reserved for few people in her life. He is witness to her tenderness, to her gentle hands and soft voice. He’s on the receiving end of her bright sarcasm and welcomes it just as she does his (corny) jokes. They are friends, but they’re closer than that. She leans her head against his shoulder when they watch movies. He comforts her when scenes are a bit too much. Being allowed to hold her hands is sage green with wide, smooth strokes. They laugh together. She makes him walk and talk differently but they’re just friends. Maybe.

The thin liner brush traces the blobs on the canvas, outlining, defining the images beneath the black paint. For what it’s worth, the old Chimney is gone. The old Chimney would contrast with what exists now. The old Chimney is replaced with one that compliments the sage of who she is. Perhaps now he is a blush of pink that mimic his cheeks when he’s near her, or a muted orange that is warm in a way he couldn’t be before. Together they are a peach sunset on a sprawling meadow. He’s relaxed when he’s with her. He doesn’t have to pretend, doesn’t have to lie. She laughs at his jokes and leans against his side. They are warm and inviting and everything good pools just from being together.

They’re just friends and he can be okay with that for as long as she is as well. He won’t push. He won’t press without her because they’re friends but somehow they’re also partners. Together, they are free to be, to exist and open themselves up entirely.

…

He told her he loved her. She is who he loves, with cats in her throat in the morning. She is who he loves, dancing together in the kitchen, cuddled together on the couch, the morning after saving a life. He is who she loves, with his jokes and his strength. He is understanding and hope and joy. She loves him just as much as he loves her and that burns across the pages of his sketchbook, page after page being filled with their desire, affection, and devotion to one another.

Her eyes shine as she smiles at him, they sparkle more than stars in the deep onyx of an unpolluted sky. Perhaps that’s what he’ll miss the most if he loses her one day. The way those deep ebony pools of burnt umber darken because he loves her. The look in her gaze shoots him directly in the heart every time, without fail. She’s gold, a brilliant yellow that blazes through his very being, his very soul. The light that they’ve turned on is bright and blinding and he thinks this is the end all, be all for him, for them. It takes every bit of self-control in him to not fidget as he paints their passion against the pale beige canvas.

Then they’re red, scarlet, burning bright as they connect with one another. This time is different, better. They’ve professed their love for one another, and it shows in their touch, in their kiss, in the warmth of skin against skin. The strokes are angled, precise. He thinks of time as he paints. How they’ve spent so little of it together in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because time goes along with space and they’re well beyond that. They care about each other’s most benign details. They are one and will be for as long as they chose to be.

…

Chimney doesn’t know why he brought the paintings. Each one leans against the wall of the hospital room, comforting him, mocking him. His eyes flicker to each one and his heart breaks that much more. The doctors say she’ll be fine. Somewhere in the back of his mind he believes their optimism, believes she’ll wake up and won’t hate him for failing her, for losing his grip on her, for being the indirect cause of why she’s even in the hospital in the first place. She’d never see it that way, see him that way. Still, he can’t help but think he should have held her tighter, protected her better.

He looks over at Maddie, watches the rise and fall of her chest under the skinny tubes connected to her. There’s so many wires, so little sound, so much light in this room and it’s overwhelming. Everything about this situation is overwhelming. He can’t get the flashes of falling out of his head. He can’t figure out why his hold on her hadn’t been strong enough, how he could have possibly let her slip out of his grasp. It’s not his fault, he’s heard it many times in the last two days. But he had let go, he had let her arms go as they fell, and she had ended up pinned beneath thick, unmovable cement and there had been a rebar of her own through her shoulder. And so much blood.

He’ll never get the image of the color fading from her face as she joked that they’d have matching scars. If only he was good enough, worthy enough to be able to wake her up. He wants to hold her while he waits but can’t risk jostling her and making things worse than they already are.

“I’m going to love you for a long time, Maddie.” His hand finds its place back in hers, tears pooling in his eyes as he realizes how cold it is. She runs cold anyway, but this is practically frigid ice against his. It’s just his mind playing tricks on him, he knows. The fact doesn’t stop him from worrying anyway. “So, just wake up now and then you can rest until you’re better.” She doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch, or speak or even flutter her eyes.

With one hand still in hers, he turns to the travel easel holding a small canvas frame and picks up a paintbrush, dipping it into the flat wash with a sigh.

[c-mxian]

Shangri La no Tori Ch 9

Phi receives a message on his phone. It’s a photo of the lower half of a man’s body (with clothes on) on the ground. Phi seems surprised to see this photo and continues to stare at his phone until Apollo calls him so they can leave to get something to eat.

 They drive around the island with the other guys from Shangri La and hang out at the beach. Apollo is reading a newspaper by himself until Phi appears from behind and asks him what he’s reading. The article that Apollo is reading is about the IT industry (“Speculations of the IT Industry 20 Years From Now, What Lies Ahead of a Market Expansion Is the Lack of Human Resources and Ideas”). Phi says he doesn’t understand a thing and asks Apollo why he’s reading something like this even though they came all the way out to the beach. There’s an article Apollo wanted to read, but Phi snatches the newspaper away from him and tries to drag him away from his seat. The others see this and join in the fun.

 Meanwhile, Marco notices a car in the distance that belongs to the owner of Shangri La. The owner, Jean, is in the car with another man. He receives a call from Patrick, who tries to bring his attention to where the guys are on the beach.

The man accompanying Jean is a man named Lloyd. The others already seem to know him except Apollo. Jean introduces Lloyd to Apollo. He also invites them all to join him and Lloyd for lobster.

 While they are at the restaurant, Apollo glances over at Lloyd, whose eyes eventually meet his. Lloyd asks Apollo how he’s doing at Shangri La and comments that Jean is a troublesome man for making a straight man be a stud (foreplay man). Jean retorts that Apollo is a special intellectual beauty that he found so he treats him with the utmost consideration.

 Apollo asks Marco, who is sitting next to him, about Lloyd. Marco tells him that Jean and Lloyd are a couple who have been together for over 20 years. Apollo is surprised and recalls hearing that same-sex relationships don’t last as long as heterosexual relationships. Marco agrees that what Apollo heard is not entirely wrong, but comments that he feels people in society are slowly starting to be more accepting of same-sex relationships and that just looking at Jean and Lloyd can make one become envious. Apollo agrees as he stares at the sight of the two.

 Skip to the next scene where Phi is in the middle of servicing two customers, Raymond and Donny (I’m just going to go with this romanization). Carna isn’t there so Phi is playing with Donny’s hole to make up for Carna’s absence. Donny is feeling it and Phi tells Raymond that he should use Donny’s hole since it’s already being prepared. Raymond says that he would feel too bad for Donny so he won’t, adding that the reason the reason he came all the way to Shangri La and paid so much money is to see Phi. Finally, it’s Raymond’s turn with Phi. While they are doing it, Raymond tells Phi that Phi’s body is like an addictive; if Phi were to leave Shangri La, he wouldn’t know what to do. Phi assures him that he won’t go anywhere since Shangri La is his home.

 Apollo is waiting for Phi in their living quarters. After Phi returns, Apollo helps him wash up, dry his hair, and put his clothes on. Afterwards, they say their goodbyes and part for the night. Apollo stares at Phi’s retreating figure and thinks back to what happened yesterday. Phi might seem fine on the outside, but Apollo can tell that something bad that happened in the past with Hassan (the name Phi mentioned in the last chapter when he was telling Apollo about his past) is probably still haunting him. He recalls Phi’s words “I might have killed someone” (from chapter 2).

 It’s morning and Apollo is reading a book while Phi is still sound asleep and hugging onto him. Apollo thinks to himself that Phi probably snuck into his room sometime early in the morning and wonders what is going on with Phi since it seems that Phi can’t seem to sleep alone. Apollo strokes Phi’s hair and face, thinking that Phi’s sleeping face is very innocent. Phi finally opens his eyes and Apollo apologizes if he woke up him up. Phi tells Apollo to continue stroking his hair. Apollo eventually asks Phi if something happened, noticing that Phi is biting his thumb again. Phi evades the question and tells Apollo that whenever he sneaks into Apollo’s bed, Apollo would open his eyes for a brief instant and embrace him by becoming his arm pillow and then go right back to sleep. Apollo is at a loss for words. Phi teases that Apollo must have gotten this habit from sleeping with a woman on the same bed and that he’s such a sweetheart.

 (I’m going to type out the following dialogue for this scene because it’s a very important conversation that’s kind of hard to just summarize.)

 “When did you get married?”

 “Why do you want to know?”

 “Last time, I shared my story with you, right? Now it’s your turn.”

 “...We got married 6 years ago.”

 “How did you two meet? How did you two break up?”

 “...You’re very blunt. I hate to break it to you, but none of it is interesting.”

 “It’s fine even if it’s boring. I just want to know more about you.”

 “...I worked as a salesman at an electronics corporation. There was an employee there I often ran into. We dated for two years and got married soon after. One day, I went back home in the afternoon to retrieve some important documents I left there. In the living room, there was a man’s jacket that didn’t belong to me… You can imagine the rest, right?”

 “Ah I see. So you beat him up and got charged with inflicting bodily injury.”

 “Ever since that day, we would continue arguing and hurting each other with our words. There were many things I didn’t need to say that I ended up saying. She also said many horrible things. The argument would end whenever I found myself at a loss for words. This would continue every day for many months… Eventually, even though she had been someone special to me, I came to lose the feelings I once had for her. So I took off my wedding ring. Even when we were to sign the divorce papers, she still refused to do so.”

 “Why do you want to get a divorce?”

 “Huh?”

 “I mean, your wife only slept with him, right? He probably means nothing to her since she’s refusing to get a divorce, right? You seem to really place a huge importance on sex. You don’t like it when the other person sleeps with another guy?”

 “I...can’t think the same way as you. I was betrayed by her…”

 “It’s betrayal because you’re fine with just one person?”

 “...Of course. I mean, isn’t that how it is?”

 Phi thinks back to what Douglas (Apollo’s friend who visited him in an earlier chapter) told him before: Apollo is exhausted and escaping from reality. It’s like...a big hole has opened in his heart.

 Phi touches Apollo’s chest, where his heart is located, and says, “...there’s no one here right now, right? Losing someone important to you so that a big hole opens in your heart… But here, it means that there’s room for another person now, doesn’t it?”

Apollo is at a loss for words. The two of them continue to stare at each other until Apollo breaks the silence, saying he’s going to go wash his face.

 The chapter ends with Apollo thinking to himself while washing his face.

I will try to finish the summary for chapter 10 before the release of chapter 11 in Canna 74 and the second volume on October 28th. You can buy the currently released chapters on cmoa, ebookjapan and renta.

[kimshavacado]

Dead Heat Ch. 8

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: Arranged Marriage/Mafia AU

Summary: Three extremely powerful families with enough power to bring down entire governments, all with vastly different views on how things should be run. The Min family thinks everything can be solved with money, the Jeon family think everything can be solved with violence, and the Kim family relies more on thought which leads to a lack of action. When Kim Y/N loses her father, she only has one way to save herself and her family. But it involves having to give herself over to a stranger. How the hell is she not supposed to punch him in his stupid rich face?

Dead Heat Masterlist

Warnings: Language, Awkwardness

A/N: I was honestly surprised by the final total. It was very split over tumblr and ao3, but there was a clear choice. One that I, myself, would not have chosen. Enjoy! 

Chapter 8: Relocation

After a few minutes, you slowly escape the warmth of the bed to sneak out. If Yoongi notices, he doesn’t try to stop you. You head back to your room, which now feels cold and lonely. You wash up, get dressed, and prepare yourself for the undoubtedly long day your about to have because of the men downstairs.  

Just as you throw on a sweater, you hear your phone ring. It’s such a mundane thing that it takes you a second to realize that no one should be calling you. As you stalk over to your phone cautiously, your heart sinks to your feet when you read the name on the screen.

Jimin.

Quite a few things flash through your mind. Jimin’s face, the years you shared together, the hurt he had caused you. You seem to be frozen in your place, the only thing bringing you back to your senses is the “missed call” notification on the screen.

You search your brain for any explanation as to why called and when you can’t come up with one, it scares the shit out of you. You honestly have no idea what to do and start to panic. Should you have answered? You could just try to call him back. No, why would you do that? But why would we call you like that? Shit, should you tell-

“What’s taking so long?” You hear Yoongi from outside your door. Without thinking you run to the door and open it, but no words come out and you just stare at him. He meets you with surprised eyes. He officially looks weirded out.

“Why are you crying?” He asks cautiously.

You’re crying? You hadn’t really noticed, too focused on having a mental breakdown.

“It’s nothing.” You immediately say, apparently fixed in defense mode. He raises his eyebrows and presses his lips into a thin line while he stares at you. After yet another uncomfortable duration of time you bring your hands up to your face to wipe away any moisture. You need to pull your thoughts back together.

“Uh, okay then.” He says, still weirded out and turns to walk away. Shit you should tell him, right? Your little internal war is cut off again when you realize you’ve already latched onto his wrist to stop him from leaving.

“Jimin called me.” His face loses all expression once you say this. He turns serious, which has you feeling even more uneasy.

“What did he say?”

“I didn’t answer.”

“Why not?” That’s a wonderful question. Maybe you should’ve, just to hear… but maybe it would’ve been too much.

After a while he stops waiting for your response and walks away from you. You chase after him towards the stairs, ignoring that you two are no longer alone.

“Should I have? Would you have?” He stops on the stairs to think about this. You wonder what it is he’s thinking or who he’s thinking of if he’s entertaining this imaginary call.

“I don’t know.” He says looking directly at you. But in his eyes, you get a suspicion that that might not be true. “Come on, we all have some things to discuss.”

You can’t tell if he’s angry with you or not.

“You wanna ‘relocate’ me!? What is that even supposed to mean?” You start to make a scene in front of the men who have gathered around the large meeting room.

“Us. Relocate us, Y/N. It’s obvious this place isn’t secure anymore. While we prepare a plan, it’s best if we didn’t stay.” Yoongi explains in an attempt to calm you down.

You look around at the men at the large table and standing along the walls. Honestly, you were only hot headed at a moment because Jin and the rest of your house were here. It pissed you off to see him sitting there acting all mighty in your rightful place, sending you away again. How come you were never allowed to do what you wanted to do?

“What do you want us to do?” Your eyes go wide, afraid you might have said your internal rant out loud, but Yoongi is just asking you what your decision is. He’s giving you a say, but you know he’s right.

“Okay. We’ll go.” With a nod you submit. Then Yoongi dismisses everyone to speak with Jin about next steps.

“Y/N you’re part of this too.” Yoongi calls when he sees you leaving with the others.

“I’m sorry, do you just ask me to stay and talk important business?” You ask, a comical look of disbelief over your face. “Since when did my involvement ever give me the authority to do so?” You turn to bitter sarcasm to emphasize both of their disinterest in your opinions on prior matters. “Please don’t let me interrupt the discussion of almighty-“

“I mean, we could always just not tell you.” You huff at this, feeling like a child having a tantrum and collapse into a chair at the large table. After everything, you’ll honestly take what you can get from them. When he notices you’ve finished, Jin breaks the silence.

“I think I have a good place for you to go. Your parents used to have this private timeshare in the country. We basically own it now and no one’s been there in ages, so it won’t be that predictable of a location. Y/N, you’ve probably been there before, do you remember? You might have been too young, though.”

“Wait, my parents had a timeshare? When?”

“After they got married. Sort of needed a place to escape to sometimes, I guess it never hurt to have a sort of safe house away from all this.”

“Huh.” Jin’s confession has you reeling. That’s not something you had expected your father to have done.

“Who knows about it?” Yoongi asks.

“Well we don’t actually have a timeshare agreement anymore, and no one actually owns it. We’ve kept it handy for situations like this, and there’s no record saying we own it, so I guess, just me.” Jin responds.

“Huh.” Yoongi mocks by mirroring your previous response. “Alright then.”

Jimin’s POV:

He needs to just quiet the war in his mind for good, and he might know a way he can do that.

He cares too much. It’s too important. You’re too important. He can’t keep hoping for your forgiveness, he has to know if he’s lost you for good. It’s too dangerous to be questioning sides. There’s one thing left to ask:

Which side is he on?

He chooses to put all his fate onto a leap of faith. All he needs is your help, even just to hear your voice. That would be enough, just to be reminded why he was doubting in the first place.

He gets his phone out and finds your name in the contacts. He hesitates before taping the call button. He shouldn’t be doing this to you, but he needs to know that he hasn’t messed everything in his life up.

Every unanswered ring diminishes his hope. But instead of sadness, he feels anger beginning to bubble up with every ring until it goes to voicemail.

Y/N POV:

Of course it’s raining, why would there be good weather on an evening like this? It’s not like you and Yoongi are driving off into the sunset together. No, instead you’re watching the water droplets race down the car window wishing you could just melt away like them.

Yoongi is quiet the entire trip and you don’t mind. It means your mind is free to wander around all the events that have happened. You think about how everything has made you aggressive and cold to others. But you give yourself some slack, knowing you were once innocent and free of worry as a child.

You still have the good childhood memories at your core. You like to think you’re more like your mother than your father, but it’s hard to tell sometimes. You look over at Yoongi and he drums his fingers on the steering wheel and can’t help but think about his parents as well.

Soon you arrive at your destination and follow a long road covered in trees to a decent sized villa. Through the rainy evening glow you could see the outline of a clearing behind the building which might be a lake, but it’s too dark to see. You’ll have to view it in it’s full glory tomorrow morning.

“Here we go.” Yoongi takes a deep breath before running outside of the car to grab bags. You can’t help but laugh at the unique way he runs around like he’s almost waddling.

Once you see he’s getting soaked you get out to take the final bag up to the house with him. Once through the entrance, you notice how it’s dark and smells like dust. It really gives off abandoned vibes and you start to regret agreeing to this until Yoongi turns on the lights.

It doesn’t look like it’s been decades since someone’s cleaned, and you let out a sigh of relief that it’s passable for living.

“Find a bathroom and get changed.” Yoongi directs. You comply, wanting out of the wet clothes.

Thirty minutes later, after walking around to get acquainted with the space, you find yourself on the couch with a book and a cup of tea. But you’re focused on the words in your head instead of the words on the page. You’re back to your previous debate on which parent you’re like.

That’s when Yoongi walks in, noticing your spaced out expression. He decides to watch for a moment. But when your eyes don’t move, he lets out a small laugh.

“You’re definitely not reading that book.” Caught red handed, you continue to stare at the book with the same expression.

“I’m… thinking.” You say, not meaning to sound as suspicious as you do.

“Yeah, you do that a lot.” You finally tear your sight away from the book to see he flop down on the couch next to you. Now that you think of it, who was Yoongi like?

“Are you more like your mother or your father?” It sort of just comes out of you mouth. His eyebrows lift in surprise but he pulls them back down and takes time to think about it.

“Both.” He says, and you suppose the same of yourself. “But never at the same time.” This really resonates with you. “You can try to be your own person, but other people are what make us who we are.” You suppose this is true as well.

“I always wanted to be like Jimin. Everyone liked him when we were younger, he was practically perfect. But I always compared myself to him.” You pause and let out a sigh. “I’m glad I’m not like him.”

“Me too.” He says this quickly which gets your attention. When you look at him, he’s facing sideways towards you on the couch. His legs are only and inch from touching yours and he’s looking sincerely into your eyes. It’s either that or the low cut shirt he’s wearing that cause something to turn inside you.

“I need a drink.”

Only good things come when alcohol is involved. Of course what better way to distract yourself from your attraction to your husband than to inhibit your ability to reason. Yoongi plays along though, and you find yourself a slurring mess an hour and a half later. You’re both pretty deep in, but it’s mostly you.

After you crying for the past 20 minutes about the fact that you haven’t had a “real” boyfriend since high school. He decides it best you call it a night.

“I think it’s your bedtime.” He says laughing at your most recent pout. But that only causes you to deepen your pout. He laughs again.

“You know sometimes, I forget you’re not a child.” When this doesn’t get fid of your pout he decides to mirror it. Leaning in to mock you. However, this gives you a great view given his choice of loose clothing and looking up to his pouting face, it’d be almost too easy to close the space. So you’re not surprised when you do. Yoongi however, is. Barely registering that it’s happened before you pull away from his face to stare him down in defiance.

“See? Not a child.” You say, but he’s still focused on your lips. He forgot that you’ve done that before, maybe he should be more careful. Did he really need to, though? You’re his wife, you’ve kissed him before. Maybe it’s because of the drink, but he pulls your head back into his with little thought.

This time is not quite as short as the first. You seem to reciprocate a little too easily, letting his mouth slot with yours. You take action to latch onto him as well, reaching out for the shirt you had so desperately wanted to touch before.

His hands snake down and around your waist as one of yours slides up his neck into his hair as things get a little more heated, tongues tasting the alcohol on each other. One of you lets out a noise resembling a moan, but you can’t tell who because the kiss has gotten impossibly deeper and you can’t stop yourself from throwing a leg over to the other side of him.

He seems to be as lost in it as you are since he pulls your body over the rest of the way so that you’re completely straddling him. After everything that’s gone through your head to day, it’s nice to lose yourself in him and forget anything else. You decide you want to share an impossible amount of time sharing breath like this.

When one of his hands ghosts under the back of your shirt to the bare small of your back, one of yours goes to the hem of his and begin to lift to take it off. Before you can, he grabs your thighs and hoists you up causing you to squeal from surprise. You two never part as he walks you to the bedroom, excitement bubbling in your gut.

When he reaches the bed, he lowers your head down to the pillow, slowing down the kiss. It makes you more desperate to continue but instead, Yoongi stops moving entirely. Pulling away and resting his forehead on yours, you two catch your breaths for a moment.

“Go to sleep.” He whispers just centimeters from your lips, and you want to yell at him. After all that? Go to sleep? You’re about to chastise him for treating you like a child once again until he pulls away climbs on the bed next to you appearing content in his decision to sleep.

You stare at him in awe of his ability to just close his eyes and pretend like that didn’t just happen.

He really is an ass. And you really like him.

A/N: Relationships are changing! Sorry for the steamy fake out there. If y'all are good, maybe Santa will bring some smut around the holidays. Thanks for dealing with me!

Next Chapter

Tags:  @badbyeyoongi @whothefuckstolemykeds @xxqueenwxtchxx @alecmidnight @rjsmochii @itsrapmonstanotdancemonsta @ superarmyofdreamersuk @zxlla​ @1796p​ @obeythehemmings​ @betysotelo18​ 

[forallyourikemensengokuneeds]

Through Hell ch 2

Three weeks prior....

She had gone down hill somewhat fast. The pain from her foot had become unbearable as she tried to walk anywhere even if it was five feet. The simple infection that had plagued her for years had changed but she refused to go to the building medic. She should be able to treat it herself. She knew that. The second day of the pain she had noticed the cuts forming one the bottom of her toes. The open sores now made walking or even standing so painful that she couldn't.

"Go to the medic." Her friends pleaded as they saw her try to hoble anywhere through the building wincing as she went.

"I'm fine." She replied until the day she stood up and went into the hallway walking about the same speed as a snail she propped herself up on the wall and was using it to move through the hallway when she ran into a group of the most elite of the soldiers she worked with. All of them had watched her decline and now her approach.

"You. You look like crap." Their medic said as he looked her over and noticed some signs that alerted him to walk over. "You know better then to push this off."

"It's nothing."she said softly and almost breathless.

"It is something there smarty pants. You know that as well." Ieyasu replied as he looked into her eyes and saw the pain there.

"Ieyasu, get out of my way." She ground her through clenched teeth.

"Your funeral." He said as he moved slightly out of her way. She continued to use the wall to move. Every step she winced more and more until her movement were jerky and uneven.

"What the hell Princess." Hideyoshi asked mostly to himself as he started to walk forward to just pick her up and carry her to her next destination, when she turned awkwardly and they watched as he eyes rolled back and she started to crumble to the floor. It was almost like watching a horrible train wreck in which you were frozen to your spot and couldn't take your eyes off the scene. She was going to hit the floor hard until one man moved and quickly and caught her before that happened. He lifted her in the air with ease and began to make his way down the two flights of stairs to the medics office.

"She passed out. Something is wrong with her foot." Mitsuhide said as he placed her on the gurney and the medics nodded.

"Out you can go now." the medic replied.

"I'm not leaving her." He said and they looked at the man almost everyone in the building feared to have any sort of interaction with. Nicknamed the torturer, the man in front of them was easily the one person they all knew to be the one who could dig up any information on anyone and he had no qualms about using it to become one of the best intelligence officers of their time. The medic debated for a moment and then nodded. He did not want to cross the man.

"Fine help then and take of the shoe of the foot she was having trouble with." The medic said.

"It was both." mitsuhide said as he went to work on her boots. He got the laces undone and started to remove the show in a reverse Cinderella moment that had both men gagging when it was removed. "What the hell?"

The medic walked out of the rooom and yelled for someone to call an ambulance, her foot had turned gangrenish. He figured the other had as well. "This is bad."

"How bad?" Mitsuhide asked as he worked on the other boot.

"She could lose her feet bad." The medic said. "Worse is I am afraid that the infection is in her blood if she passed out. She is septic."

"And that means what." Mitsuhide asked.

"The infection is in her blood stream begin carried everywhere. They might not be able to contain it." The medic said softly.

"You're saying she could die?" Mitsuhide's tone was nothing to mess with. "How the hell could a simple infection kill someone in this day and age?"

"She has been hiding this. If she had treated it before maybe this would not have happened but we are not going to go there." The medic said, "The problem with her is she is allergic to many antibiotics. This is not going to be easy for the doctor at the hospital."

"What is she allergic to?" Mitsuhide asked and was given a run down on the list. It was long but he listened to everyone of the these. He took the packet for the hospital and held it as the emt's came in and loaded her up on their gurney for transport. Mitsuhide followed without a word and got in. No one would nay say him with the look he had on his face. His counterparts and team members were watching from the smoke pit near the front of the building.

"Looks like Akechi has his hands full." Masamune chuckled. As he said this Ieyasu was sending a text for an update when he had one. They all watched as she was rushed away and their friend in the back of the ambulance with her.

"He doesn't even realize does he?" Shingen asked lightly.

"No, I don't think he does. Maybe this will make him realize though." Nobunaga replied.

"I hope he didn't pick right now to find his feet." Ieyasu said not in his normal snarky tone as he received a text from the medic she was just with. "She is really bad off. The medic that just had her in his office thinks she might."

"Don't finish that statement." Kenshin said softly.

"It was just something wrong with her foot though." Mitsunari said.

"Gangrene." Ieyasu said. "Both of her feet were gangrenous and bad."

"That's treatable right?" Yukimura asked.

"Yes but that one." Ieyasu said as he pointed to the ambulance in the distance,"is allergic to nearly antibiotic that is used to treat it." He shook his head and looked at the retreating vehicle, "They could kill her as well."

The group stood in silence with his last words echoing in their heads. All of them liked the woman who was known in the building as a lightning fast fireball with her words and be behaviors. She was brave and daring challenging them all to be their best by being better then them. They also knew their friend that was in the ambulance with her though he never outwardly showed it, was deeply in love with her. It had began about a year prior when he would hang on every word she said. He listened to people for a living but he was never so obvious before to anyone. Any news of her in the field became his obsession. His friends all knew of his plight but they truly believed even the man himself didn't realize why she had become so important. They feared for her life but it wasn't for her that they felt that way, not entirely. They knew if she died he would be gone as well and he wouldn't even know why.

Mitsuhide looked at the flushed faced woman in the gurney as they tried to get vital signs. When they had done a temperature reading on her it had to be repeated a few times. She was burning hot. "This is not going to be an easy case." One of the emt's started as he looked at the woman and then her feet. "This is really bad."

Mitsuhide could feel the unfamiliar emotions rolling through him but he wouldn't let them cloud his judgement. He knew the outcome of this. She simply had to pull through and go back to work where he could watch over her. This was exactly what needed to happen. He smiled at her even knowing that the situation could turn horrible any minute he knew she was a fighter, a fireball, she could beat and then blow all of them out of the water. They finally arrived and he was the first out and he followed as the team of doctors began working on her. Standing off to the side of the room he watched everything and listened as they ran test and cultures. He gave them a list of the things she was allergic too and he realized then as the doctor went over the list and his face fell that this was not going to be easy. This was Mitsuhide's first realization that this was really bad. He watched as the doctors decided to try to treat with a broad spectrum antibiotic and something for her fever. They began to pump her full of things quickly as he stood there and watched.

"She has a long road ahead of her but she is here now." The doctor said softly to him as he just kept his eyes on her. "She is going to go upstairs to ICU but as the person who came in with her you should be able to stay with her. Does she have family near by?"

"Not that I know of." Mitsuhide replied searching his memory for any mention of her family and he couldn't remember any time she had talked about her family. He would make the call to their boss as soon as she was moved and alert him so he could see if she had anyone in the area.

"Can you make decisions for her?" The doctor asked.

"Short term yes, she would allow it. I will contact our boss and see if she had someone else near by who can as well." Mitsuhide said and the doctor nodded. "Then we need to start a more aggressive treatment for the infection however her allergy to the main component is providing a major hurdle to it. We could treat both her reaction to the antibiotic but it is a risk. A major one and we only get one real shot at it. Would you sign off on it, if it came to that?"

"I would have to hear more about the risks involved." Mitsuhide replied looking at the doctor," I won't risk her life if their are other options available first."

"I see." The doctor said and the team of nurses that were prepping her to be moved were done and indicated that they would start the move. Mitsuhide looked down at her now with two IV's in her arms and a breathing mask on. She looked even smaller as she laid completely still on the bed. He followed out of the room as they began the move. They all crowded into the elevator and he touched her hand, it was still so very hot that he almost dropped it back onto the bed. The fever was still raging through her they had packed ice blankets around her and were discussing an ice bath and the pro's and con's of it. He could hear the words but he was focused on her face. That was all he could see and he noticed the color in it. To him it wasn't correct, it was just to red.

As they settled her into a private room in the icu ward he called the building to give them an update. He also asked if there was someone who could make medical decisions for her and surprisingly she had set that up years before. She had completely lined up all her ducks on the worst case scenario and that was now. Their boss faxed over the papers and contact info that she had set up. She had even listed her "family" on them so the correct people could have access to her. He was shocked to see his name on the list along with his teammates. She had thought of them as her family instead of her actual blood one. That was a piece of information to be stored away and find out the background on that story.

He sat there holding her extremely hot hand when the primary on her list of people to make a medical decision for her walked in with the doctor. He looked at Mitsuhide and tried to smile at the man. "How is she?"

"No change." Mitsuhide replied.

Bettison looked at the doctor," Do what you have too."

"Okay we will start the allergy medicine first then we will start the others." The doctors said.

"What did you do?" Mitsuhide asked.

"Gave them permission to treat her properly." Bettison said with a sigh.

"She is allergic to the medicine. You gave them permission to do that without talking to someone else. They told me they only had one shot. There could be other damage done!" Mitsuhidejumped up and stared the other man down.

"Without the treatment she will die." Bettison countered.

"And the treatment could kill her as well." Mitsuhide said.

"I'm sorry Akechi we have to try at least." Bettison said softly.

"If she dies because of this I will kill you." Mitsuhide said softly but loud enough for the other man to hear and even acknowledge him with a nod, excepting his fate either way.

[vinspiration-book]

Son of Palaven, Daughter of Earth Playlist

Based on the story by miceenscene

Story Here

Spotify Playlist Here

Playlist Status: Synced up to ch. 47

This wonderful piece of fanfiction inspired me to create a soundtrack for it.  Here is a track listing and some thoughts about each piece.  I try to pick thematic tracks for each story beat, while still retaining a rhythm between each song.

1. The Arranged Marriage - Gavin Luke

An instrumental piece by film composer Gavin Luke is the overture.  Anxious and urgent, it depicts a quiet, unhappy uncertainty that is nevertheless peppered by bright chords.  Combined with the name, it sets the tone for Shepard and Garrus’ unwilling journey into matrimony.

2. I Still Taste Fire - Stephanie Mabey

“I woke up with ashes in my mouth”

Shepard’s beginning theme.  A dark and driving song of regret and grit.  Shepard feels that she, Flaming Death, has personally lost the war and didn’t even get to see the ending.  The line “Thought I'd always remember what it felt like / To want you / But it's all kind of hazy now / Almost like I burned it down” normally refers to a lover, but in Shepard’s case, the “you” is an end to the war that she thought she wanted.  Now that the price of peace is her freedom, it's a bitter thing to swallow.

3. This Means War - Marianas Trench

“I hate to admit it but I miss the war”

Garrus’ beginning theme.  Whereas Shepard’s song was all seriousness and loss, Garrus can never quite be 100% sass-free.  So we get this jocular tune about having to play nice with someone even though you’d rather be fighting them.

4. Can’t Be Tamed - Miley Cyrus

“If you try to hold me back I might explode”

The wedding: Shepard’s view.  Deep in enemy territory, forced to participate in a ritual meant to demean her and her species, Shepard is nevertheless putting on a fierce display, just like the brash attitude of this number.  The irony of the song is that the singer keeps repeating over and over how she can’t be tamed; almost as if no one believes her?  Also includes the line “I'm like a puzzle / But all of my pieces are jagged” which has a double meaning that ties in to the story: as Garrus says much, much later both literally and metaphorically, “[A puzzle] is the best thing you could have gotten me”.

5. Love Runs Out - OneRepublic

“I'll be doin' this, if you ever doubt, / 'Til the love runs out”

The wedding: Garrus’ view.  Is this a romantic song, or a resigned one?  Or is it duplicitous?  Garrus may be a bad turian, but he’s still obedient to the Hierarchy, even if it’s only going through the motions and hoping for an escape.  The driving punch of the bass notes echoes this sentiment in a song that could be read as either loving commitment or bitter commitment.  It contains a lot of fire imagery too, especially the singer being someone to help someone else start a fire… perfect for being tied to Flaming Death. The song also mentions an (arch?)angel and the strong influence of the singer’s mother, both of which are important to the story.

6. Poker Face - Lady Gaga

“Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun”

Spying: Shepard’s view.  So Shepard and Garrus only ever play a board game in this story rather than poker, but come on.  It’s Poker Face.  It’s the best song ever about selfishly conning your partner to further your own high-stakes goals.

7. Fraud - Jonathan Coulton

“Sharp teeth test your skin / Too late, you let an angel in”

Spying: Garrus’ view.  This song takes a more meditative approach to being disingenuous, but just about every verse is packed with imagery that pairs perfectly with the story, from unwanted houseguests, to painting, fighting, and losing.  The refrain is even about an angel with fangs!

8. Didn’t Know You - Karmin

“Like a bird of prey / Out of nowhere you came / Do you always get your way?"

The reports: Shepard’s view.  An angry song about being the victim of deception and invasive tactics.  The singer talks especially about upending their entire life (setting “dreams ablaze”--fire imagery again) for the sake of someone who turned out to be a liar that controls their every move.  Turians are sometimes referred to as “birds” as a pejorative in Mass Effect, making the repeated line fit even more.

9. Can’t Go to Hell - Sin Shake Sin

“This romance with ignorance has left us behind”

The reports: Garrus’ view. Unlike Shepard’s reaction to finding the reports--which is very much about personal betrayal--Garrus’ reaction is a more public outcry about the situation going FUBAR.  One of the central tenets in ME canon about Shepard and Garrus’ relationship (to the point that even the characters themselves talk about it in these terms) is that he willingly follows her into hell every single time.  This makes the bitter anger of the chorus (“We can’t go to hell if we’re already there”) especially poignant.  The second verse evokes Shepard and Garrus’ situation closely too, mentioning being “blind by design” and stating “...history keeps getting paid to change its mind”, which is the purpose of the arranged marriage in the first place.

10. Home - Machine Gun Kelly & X Ambassadors

“Now tell me, how did all my dreams turn to nightmares?”

Shepard and Garrus: no extraction.  A rare male/female duet of frustration and longing for respite that neatly applies to the protagonists’ mindsets.  Both Anderson and the Hierarchy have turned away their soldiers, leaving them in this untenable situation.  Though they arrived at it differently--and aren’t commiserating at this point--Shepard and Garrus are feeling the same thing now:  They must continue to live together, but there’s no way this life can bring them any happiness or rest.

11. Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap

“Speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you”

Shepard is broken, and so is Garrus, a little.  This haunting acapella song (delivered in dual-toned overdub kind of like how a turian speaks, interestingly) was famously used by a TV drama for an overly dramatic murder scene, and then used again by Saturday Night Live to spoof that scene.  But Hide and Seek is technically about a divorce… and how a former home now becomes unrecognizably empty as the former couple moves out and apart.  Although they can’t separate, this is essentially what has happened to Shepard and Garrus.  Shepard tries to “live” as little as possible in the house while still being confined to it.  Garrus tries to escape to work.  

12. Rumble - Hi Fashion

“He said, she said / You better mind your space”

The alley brawl.  A complete turnaround from the previous song, this abrupt battle anthem (sung by dual tones again, and with a notable mention of a man and a woman both throwing the punches) is both high-energy, but also a slower tempo than you’d expect.  The effect is that of measured, precise violence rather than a chaotic frenzy; perfect for trained soldiers giving a beatdown.  Canon Shepard gets ribbed for being an awful dancer--outside of the battlefield, at least, giving an ironic twist to the dance imagery in the lyrics.  But this is technically the first time in the story that Shepard and Garrus are in sync: their first metaphorical dance together.

13. Hammer to Fall - Queen

“Tow the line and play their game / Yeah, let the anesthetic cover it all”

Medigel.  This story's version of Shepard loves Queen, and this song provides the title for the story’s later chapters, so it had to be on the soundtrack of course.  A disillusioned anthem to soldiers who are asked to fight wars for reasons someone else decided, it describes Shepard and Garrus’ situation perfectly--their lives have been ruined because of Fedorian’s unjust war.  Even though this is a small snippet of background to the story, it’s nevertheless a critical turning point, when Garrus realizes just how badly Shepard has been wronged… and that he himself contributed to it.

14. Karma - Marina

“So vicious, this cycle / When you live in sweet denial”

The apology: Shepard’s view.  Garrus apologies to Shepard, but she doesn’t know how to take it.  She’s skeptical, and with good reason.  Although this song is talking about a great deal of betrayal, the tone is less angry--or even melancholy--than weary and aloof.  The singer has made what peace she can with the situation, and is just waiting to see how everything plays out, rather than actively wishing harm on someone.  Karma is usually about an equal return of bad experiences, but Shepard is too defeated at this point to really care about that.  Garrus’ distress at his actions is actually better karma than if he himself were to be betrayed.

15. I Won’t Let You Down - OK Go

“Maybe all you need is someone to trust”

The apology: Garrus’ view.  Garrus is a man of action, and this upbeat track wastes no time in sorrow, instead attempting to reach out to the wounded party with a direct promise of support.  The lyrics talk about people who have every right to be distrustful, even using battle imagery (“no flag to fly”, “strap that armor tighter on”)... but rather than trying to get past their defenses, the singer encourages the downtrodden to fight harder--together.  A very Garrus point of view.

16. Rumors - Lindsay Logan

"You're probably gonna write what you didn't see”

The interview.  Ah, Khalisah.  A pretty straightforward song about paparazzi doing what paparazzi do, sung by the aggrieved celebrity.

17. One Shot - Rob Thomas

"We get one chance to make this kickstart”

Bottle shooting at the valley.  While Shepard and Garrus fire a lot of rounds during this little date, it's the final shot that's the most important.  Garrus' previous actions since their fight have been peace offerings, but this is his first actual gift to Shepard.  He gives Shepard his crown just to see her smile.  Essentially, his first romantic gesture is literally “one shot”.  The sentiment pairs perfectly with this energetic tune about starting something rare and good.

18. Souvenir - Johnnyswim

“It's those little things that I hold dear”

Terra Goods.  At this point, Shepard and Garrus are starting to do things to really support each other in little ways and in big ways, culminating in Garrus creating a whole souvenir trading company just to make Shepard happy.  This song, a duet that alternates between jaunty and staid, talks about a couple that had a brief good time, then separated due to some unnamed conflict.  Now they both think fondly of their time together, making souvenirs of the memories.  Both singers individually wish for another chance, while not realizing the other person does too.

19. DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love - Usher, Pitbull

“I think I remember those eyes”

Clubbing with Solana.  This throbbing dance tune is simple enough that even Shepard could probably keep to the beat.  Seeing Shepard (attempting to) dance is one of the first moments where Garrus is physically attracted to her.

20. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

“Easy come, easy go / Little high, little low”

The walk back.  Shepard sings this most famous Queen song as she stumbles home under Garrus’ watchful eye.  It describes a murderer with a guilty conscience, which Shepard is somewhat.  She’s killed a lot of turians, but now they are people to her instead of monsters.  Shepard probably isn’t thinking about that, though… it’s just a fun song to sing when you’re drunk.  Or anytime.

21. Livin’ in the Sunlight, Lovin’ in the Moonlight - The Good Johnsons

“I’m right here to stay”

Splashing in the fountain.  This whimsical cover of an old song is just silly enough for Shepard’s drunken water foray.  Although it’s been building for a bit, it takes hard liquor for Shepard to admit she might be happy on Palaven.  But there’s a slight undercurrent of the singer not believing their own message.  The line “I’m as free as any daughter” is especially ironic in this context.

22. Mom - Meghan Trainor

“Ain’t nobody got a mom like mine”

Visiting with Galena.  Shepard’s relationship with Garrus’ mother is one of my favorite parts of the story, and it’s one of the things that cements Shepard’s feeling that she may just belong here.  It’s also significant that even though Shepard is starting to love Garrus, she can only express love towards his mother at first.  In a way, loving Galena teaches Shepard how to love Garrus.  Hence why this story beat gets its own song.

23. With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

“Are you sad because you're on your own?”

The care package.  Finally, Shepard finds out that Earth hasn’t completely abandoned her.  This song especially talks about isolation when your lover is not there, and how friends can help you through it.  When Garrus isn’t there, Shepard is almost totally alone on the planet, so learning her squad still supports her is a huge relief.

24. Tongues - Joywave, KOPPS

“Tell me all the things I've missed”

Ashley.  This furtive song is about returning to where you are from, only to find out you are now a stranger to them.  While Shepard’s argument with Ashley is a little more circumspect than that, the gist is that Shepard learns that even though she now has this lifeline back to Earth, she’s not welcomed like she was before… which is just what she has been fearing since her interview with Khalisah.

25. Unbreakable - Jamie Scott

“I won't let you fall down now”

Garrus comforts Shepard and comes to a realization.  This song of gentle encouragement talks about a woman who has lost everything, and the man who wants to love her regardless.  It’s emotive and warm and seems to capture just what Garrus is thinking as Shepard cries in his arms.

26. War Paint - Fletcher

“I write the colors on my face”

The dress shop.  Keslia describes the Gala being a battle, and Shepard’s dress being her armor.  This song of self-empowerment uses loads of battle imagery and works in tandem with the previous one… Shepard’s been wounded emotionally but she’s still fighting.  Turians’ face markings have important meaning for family and home.  But for humans, the same sort of marks are called war paint and are used by warriors to represent ferocity and power.  Shepard turns an outfit that could just make her into the ornament that the turians want and turns it into a symbol of her survival.

27. Ballroom Blitz - Tia Carrere

“She could kill you with a wink of her eye”

The Gala, part 1.  A fun cover of an energetic song talking about a crazy party fight.  Between the turian generals and Cyntha, Shepard and Garrus really do have a battle on their hands.  While nothing violent actually happens, they have each other’s backs throughout the event, even standing up solo versus their partner’s enemies.

28. Blue Dress - Benjamin Franklin Leftwich

“I should love you better than that”

The Gala, part 2.  Shepard asks Garrus if her presence is harming his career, but he doesn’t reply.  This song is meant to be the answer he doesn’t say.  It’s an apology from a man whose work/travel has prevented him from participating in a relationship like he should.  Interestingly, in ME canon, it’s the opposite: the Shadow Broker notes that Garrus’ attachment to Shepard prevents him from being a better commander.  The line “But still my only weakness / Is you baby in that blue dress” fits nicely with the story, but funnily enough also with canon… as blue is the color of the Alliance uniforms that canon Shepard typically wears.

29. Vie En Rose - Pomplamoose

“It’s only him for me / and me for him, for life”

Dancing in the driveway.  This version of Shepard speaks French, so this slow, lilting, classic French love song is what I imagine coming out of the car stereo when Garrus teaches Shepard to dance.  Ok, so it’s probably more likely a turian song playing in this scene, but still.  I especially like the stanza that says “He speaks words of love to me / They are everyday words / And they do something to me” because unlike canon, where Shepard and Garrus’ bond is forged in battle, in this AU it’s built from all the little everyday things they say and do for each other.

30. Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

“If you're the art, I'll be the brush”

Painting.  Shepard and Garrus made that “100%” promise, but when it comes to feelings, they don’t exactly follow through.  This breathy song is about admitting--at least to yourself--that you were denying your emotions, and that your love interest seems to be as well.  Not that Shepard is clued in enough to realize Garrus feels the same way, but putting together the easel with Garrus also helped Shepard put together why she’s reacting to him the way she is.  Once again, they are in sync without realizing it, the dorks.  This song also contains numerous lines that fit the story nicely, such as talking about living arrangements, the battle of Troy (and isn’t that just the funniest view of Shepard’s infiltration of Palaven), and “feelings on fire”.

31. Anne of Green Gables - The Charlottetown Festival

“Anne of Green Gables, sweet and strange, / stay as you are today.”

Reading to Galena.  Oh, boy, here we go.  Get those tissues ready, it’s coming soon.  This simple song from the Anne of Green Gables musical doesn’t say much, but it has a sorrowful timbre that speaks of heartache to come.

32. I Think I Love You - The Partridge Family

“Do you think I have a case? Let me ask you to your face”

Happy Anniversary!  In canon and most fanon, Garrus is slick as oil until comes to telling Shepard how he feels, and then he gets adorably pitiful and nervous.  While at this point in the story, Garrus himself is probably not ready to call it “love”, this anxiety-ridden song still captures that fragile state of mind.  Sadly, Garrus gets interrupted before he makes it as far as the singer does in his confession.

33. Galena - Kerri Sherwood

Galena’s passing.  Did you know there are a lot of songs called “Galena”?  But though I searched and searched--and quite a few of them were sad songs--none of them had the right words.  Because there aren’t any right words for this, are there?  And so, a solemn, sad instrumental piece describes Galena’s last day.

34. In My Arms - Plumb

“All I can do is hold you tight”

Garrus’ breakdown.  This song is from a mother who wants to protect her child from the harshness of the world.  But Garrus’ mother is gone, so Shepard has to sing it instead.  Growing up is hard, and the very last and hardest part of growing up for most people is losing your parents.  As a side note, the song starts by mentioning blue eyes--one of Garrus’ most notable features.

35. Calling All Angels - Jane Siberry, k.d. lang

"Don’t leave me alone"

The Vigil, part 1.  A song imploring various spirits and saints to help guide you through a trying time.  On Palaven, where they ask the Spirits’ help for everything, this would probably be especially appropriate.  Granted, this song gets used in A LOT of soundtracks, but that’s because it’s so perfect for when you’ve lost someone.  More than just loss, this song also says that you know life will go on... but those first steps afterwards are the hardest.  It’s like the MVP of movie funeral songs, and Galena deserves the best, dammit.

36. Hope Will Lead Us On - Barlow Girl

"Become the flame / That shows us the way"

The Vigil, part 2.  Shepard steps up wonderfully for the Vakarian family and helps them heal.  This song, sung almost from a sort of battle commander’s perspective, mixes strong, driving beats with inspiring statements… while still having an underlying piano refrain that is haunting and forlorn.  It doesn’t try to move past the pain, but rather keeps it as a foundation for a new beginning.

37. That’s How You Know - Amy Adams, from “Enchanted”

"It's not enough to take the one you love for granted"

Operation Two Turtle Doves.  Shepard’s getting ready to meddle with Solana’s love life.  So we have a cute song from a cute movie on that very topic.  I wish the pronouns were correct for a wlw relationship like in the story, but what can ya do.  The line “Don’t treat her like a mind reader” made me laugh, because… Keslia literally is one, being an asari and all.

38. Can’t Help Falling In Love - Elvis Prestley

"Shall I stay?"

Kissing in the study.  One of my favorite parts of the story… a tired kiss that’s all about love and comfort rather than passion.  When Shepard and Garrus are both drained emotionally and physically from the Vigil, all that’s left is a quiet gravity that draws them together.  There are many versions of this song, but Elvis’ gentle crooning rendition is all about slow movements and tender questions.

39. Love Of My Life - Queen

“You don’t know what it means to me”

Singing to babies.  Shepard’s still singing Queen, so here is her next solo.  This is such a heartwarming scene, plus we get a bit of sibling slapstick for a laugh.  The funny part is that even though Shepard is the one singing this song to the babies, the lyrics are really describing what Garrus is feeling in this scene.  It works as a cute lullaby, in the way that lullabies often are kind of dark for some reason.

40. Heaven Is A Place On Earth - Belinda Carlisle

"When I feel alone, I reach for you / And you bring me home"

Going to Earth.  There Garrus goes again with the grand gestures.  Not just anybody can say they gave their partner the world.  As much as this Shepard likes Queen, I bet she also likes other 80’s classics like Belinda Carlisle.  This song represents Shepard’s response to Garrus’ gift.

41. Girl On Fire - Alicia Keys

“Everybody stands, as she goes by / Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes”

Arriving at Earth.  This song is meant to be from Garrus’ perspective, seeing Shepard in her natural habitat, and is particularly inspired by the story’s description of Shepard being “swallowed by sunlight” as she leaves the ship...which would make her look like she was on fire.  It’s a song of admiration and wonder over the power of this one woman who stands out from everyone else.  P.S. Did anyone else imagine the spaceship was the Normandy, even though it wasn’t?  I did.

42. Wannabe - Spice Girls

“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”

The Squad.  Ok, so this song is not serious at all, but Shepard’s squad are a bunch of goofballs anyway.  Although at this point Shepard probably wouldn’t tell Garrus goodbye if he bugged her like the song mentions, she does state that it means a lot to her that Garrus makes friends with her group.

43. Where Everybody Knows Your Name - Gary Portnoy

I initially added this song for Hudson’s, as it’s the theme song from the sitcom Cheers, which is all about this type of bar.  HOWEVER, there are verses in the full song that you never hear in the tv show, including one that’s a bit of toxic masculinity bordering on transphobia.  So, this song can just go in the trash where it belongs.

43. Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

“Home is wherever I’m with you”

The broken nose.  Shepard’s gotten another reminder that she doesn’t quite belong on Earth anymore… but that ends up being okay, because Garrus is her home now.  This fun duet talks about how even if you travel and have a variety of experiences, you can find that the person you shared it with is what’s really important.  This is in direct contrast to the song of the same name earlier in the playlist, which talked about needing Home to be an actual place.  In the middle of the song is a spoken-word section about the man realizing he’s in love with the woman only when she gets injured… which is so Shepard and Garrus it’s funny.  I thought for a long time that the woman’s name in the song was “Jane,” which would have made an even better fit, but it turns out it’s “Jade”.  Ah well.

44. Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty - Chris & Pui

“Purr, purr, purr”

Mr. Biscuits.  A children’s lullaby about cats napping and purring.  The main verse mentions London, which is just a coincidence as a significant location for canon Shepard & Garrus. But really I just wanted a song that Shepard could tease Garrus with.

45. I Want To Break Free - Queen

“I've fallen in love for the first time / And this time I know it's for real”

Operation I Want To Break Free.  Another of Shepard’s Queen-inspired choices that of course had to be on the soundtrack.  This rock anthem has several elements that apply to the story, including falling in love in a strange circumstance, and trying to escape from an oppressive situation.  The song is not necessarily addressed to the singer’s lover though, so the “you” referenced is more likely the outside oppressor.  As Shepard is planning this operation without Garrus’ help, it would make sense that this not song is speaking to him directly.

46. Aurora Borealis - Bohnes

“I saw with my own eyes something beautiful”

Seton Lake:  Garrus’ view.  This location actually exists in real life and is worth googling an image of!  This breathy ballad is an ode to love that is as sublime and ineffable as the northern lights.  With lyrics that talk about stellar phenomena and our place in the universe, it’s especially poignant for lovers from different planets.  The line about “a beautiful coincidence that causes love” also fits pretty well, since the arranged marriage turning to love was all unplanned.  There’s also a line, “the world inside your eyes is more than black and white to me,” and one of Garrus’ most famous lines in canon is about how he’s unsure how to operate outside of black and white morality… but as it turns out, when it’s Shepard, he’s okay with it.

47. I Choose You - Sara Bareilles

“I believe in something again”

The Mark.  While this chapter is explicit, it’s also really charming, humorous, and emotional.  So this light and breezy song about choice and beginnings fits well as Shepard’s perspective.  This story is largely about Shepard having her autonomy taken from her, with the course of her entire life decided by others.  But when she is finally in a position to do something about it--and when Garrus even offers her an out--she chooses him.  The song mentions outside influences trying to convince the singer that her love is impossible or wrong, which is again something that Shepard has had to deal with.  But Shepard now willingly accepts the mark from Garrus that she once rejected… As the song says, the mark is a visible symbol that will “Tell the world that we finally got it all right”.  The line “I will become yours and you will become mine” sounds like a wedding vow, which seems especially appropriate.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[sophtopus]

Okay many people have not read Toby’s Long Tweet about Delta Rune

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1sqn3p9 See that URL? It’s the official link. Here is the full transcript copy pasted from the Tweet. I won’t put it under readmore because people tend to scroll past that. Past the break line is Toby’s own words. Deltarune is it’s own world. It’s NOT related to Undertale. This is exactly what he said in point 1 of his post. It’s also something he had worked for 7 years (earliest file was 2012). This game was more difficult to make compared to Undertale. Toby also doesn’t know when he’ll ever finish Deltatune. That’s why he released this demo to share with us. I cannot stress how important it is to be patient with the artist/author and let them do whatever they want. If Toby wants to create something new, LET HIM! Trust the Dog that he’ll make something interesting! Repeat TLDR: Deltarune is NOT Undertale!!! No matter how many similarities they have, they are NOT the same. Insisting that it’s the same will just rob you of enjoyment. It’s all in the first question. Scroll down for the rest of the transcript.

Here are my thoughts on Ch 1 of Deltarune. This should answer some questions.

It's October 4th. The DEMO (first chapter) of my game is supposed to come out on Halloween. Actually it was done a little while ago but I'm waiting for the translation to be finished. I feel like I should address what I think people will think before the game comes out. Of course, if I'm all wrong about this, then I just wasted my time, but... QUESTIONS I PREDICT PEOPLE HAVE 1. "Is this a sequel? What's going on?? I'm scared..." Please don't worry too much about that. Actually, I'm worried if people worry too much about "what it is," they might not be able to properly enjoy it... (laugh) I will say that basically, what you're seeing here is not the world of UNDERTALE. UNDERTALE's world and ending are the same as however you left them. If everyone was happy in your ending, the people in the UNDERTALE world will still be happy. So, please don't worry about those characters, and that world. It will remain untouched. To rephrase that, DELTARUNE's world is a different one. With different characters, that have lived different lives. A whole new story will happen... I don't know what you call this kind of game. It's just a game you can play after you complete UNDERTALE, if you want to. That's all. 2. "I have questions I want to ask about the story..." There's a lot of questions I'd like to answer, too. That's why I have to make the game. Please wait until then. 3. "When will the next chapter come out?" This is a difficult question. When I made the demo of UNDERTALE, I made it to prove to myself that it was possible to make a whole game alone (with some help with the art). Because I was able to make it in a few months, I felt that I had proved that it was possible. However, making the demo of DELTARUNE... took a few years. So, given the length of the rest of the game, and how long I'd be willing to spend on a project (7 years maximum) I think the answer is that it's actually impossible to make this game. Lots of things make this game harder to make than the last time. - The graphics are much more complicated and don't play to my strengths (black and white battle graphics were easy...) - The battle system is much more complicated due to multiple characters (I'll write about this later) - The overworld and other sections are more complicated due to multiple characters - Having multiple main characters is much harder to write especially introducing everyone properly in chapter 1 - The entire town had to be created correctly on the first try to set up properly for the rest of the game And further things outside of those: - Trouble starting tasks/concentrating and general difficulty paying attention - Travelling / other responsibilities like translation/ports - Self-doubt / burnout regarding the creation of the game Essentially it's not possible to make this game as one person (and Temmie). However, it MIGHT be possible to create the game if I'm able to make a team. So I'm going to try making a team. Because I really want to make this. But I may not be able to succeed because I have no experience successfully directing a team and I have no idea who I'm going to work with. Since I haven't started assembling the team yet I have absolutely no estimation of its completion. It could take up to 999 years depending on the efficiency level. By the way, I currently plan to release all of the chapters at once after we complete them. I'm not sure how long that will take. You'll buy all of the chapters at once as one purchase. That'll be the only option. I'm not doing pre-orders because I don't like those. It just seems like the best way not to burn anybody. Price is unknown. It depends on how long the game is, and how much it costs to make... I don't know anything about what consoles, etc. it'll come out for because by the time it comes out we might be on Playstation 14 or something. So... in short, I have no idea. 4. "Is this the game's final design? Will you change anything?" It's possible I could change things. This is basically a demo. I might even change this first chapter before release depending on how development goes. This is really an excuse to talk about the parts I think had issues. THE BATTLE SYSTEM: I think the battle system could be explained better. I had a super duper long explanation of things here but really it boils down to: 1. UT's system is incompatible with multiple party members but I wanted to do it anyway because it's cool 2. I'd like to make it so for pacifist players, characters won't have to "defend" so much Oh. The people who tested the game thought that the TP system and animations were cool so it's not all bad. By the way, did you notice that getting close to bullets makes enemy attacks end faster? It doesn't work for every attack, but... EVERYTHING ELSE: I thought everything else was OK. Actually some parts were kind of lazy, like finding the key pieces, but oh well. The UI had some things that could be changed too. When making a game, there's so much to do you have to draw the line somewhere. That's why I need other people to help me (laugh) Oh, and I have no plans to add more content to the first chapter. 5. "Will there be multiple endings?" No. No matter what you do the ending will be the same. (Honestly most games are like that, but for some reason it feels really oppressive to say here...) I think that's part of the reason why the ACT / FIGHT system feels so vestigial in this one. Oh... I'm just talking about the battle system again... 6. "I found some kind of bug, will you fix it?" Hopefully an e-mail for that exists on the website by now. Or, it would be better if you could tweet it with #deltarunebug . That would really help us and make our lives easier because tweets are easier to ignore than e-mails 7. "Can I be on the team?" I'll ask you first!!! (Total silence) 8. "What's the progress on the rest of the game so far?" 0%!!! Nothing!!! I've done nothing!!! I mean, I've done some songs and written the whole story, but... Since no programming or final art has been done, it's best to just think of it at 0%. 9. "Will you do a Kickstarter?" I still haven't finished that damn Alarm Clock, are you kidding me? There's no way I'm doing a Kickstarter this time. 10. "The game doesn't work" / "I don't like the game" / "Will there be a version for (platform)?" Because it's a free download I'm surrounded by a forcefield that destroys all complaints and platform requests. There might be more platforms for the DEMO but I don't want to make any promises. (At the very least it'd be nice to do something for the people who bought the game on console.) By the way at the time of writing I haven't even rendered a Mac version whatsoever at all. I hope I can release it... (laugh) 11. "Can I buy the soundtrack for Chapter 1?" Yes! You can buy it at [ http://tobyfox.bandcamp.com ] And other forms of distribution will be in the works too. I'm writing this in the past so I don't know what I just said. 12. "Any closing remarks?" (No one asks this, but...) Thanks for playing my game. I hope you liked it. For the past 3 years I've been waking up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep because I've been thinking about the scenes that happen in the game. Even though so many details are still hazy, I really want to show you the things I've been thinking about. That's really my only reason for making this game. If I don't show you what I'm thinking, I'll lose my mind. (It was actually a totally selfish motivation...) By the way, I was really worried at first about making this. The expectations for my next work would be really high, so high that I knew that no matter what I did, I felt like people would be underwhelmed. If you played "UNDERTALE," I don't think I can make anything that makes you feel "that way" again. However, it's possible I can make something else. It's just something simple but maybe you'll like it. See you in ?? years... OK? Don't forget.

[hookaroo]

Vocivore, Ltd. (31 of 41?)

Also on FFN and AO3 (ListerofTardis)

Tagging @ouatwinterwhump, @killian-whump, @sancocnutclub, @killianjonesownsmyheart1, and @courtorderedcake <3

***THE MOST WONDERFUL COVER ART BY @cocohook38 HERE!!!!!******

***Chapter 12 animation and art that will absolutely astound you!!!!!!!!!BOLDED AGAIN IN CASE YOU WANT TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY BEFORE READING THIS RELATED FLASHBACK...*************************

***LETHAL Chapter 19 art in all of its BLOODSTAINED GLORY!!!!************

**POOR STABBED KILLIAN falling into the sheriff station! Ch. 7 & 23 art!!**

****KILLIAN AND HIS MASTER IN THE GORGEOUS CATHEDRAL!!!!!!!!!!!!    CHAPTER 1 ART THAT KILLS ME EVERY TIME I SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*********

*****AMAZING AND ALSO HEARTBREAKING COVER ART!!!!! MY POOR BOY, HELPLESS AND SCREAMING WHILE HE SLOWLY LOSES HIS GRIP ON REALITY… D: COCOHOOK38 IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL!!!!*************

***AAAAHHHH!!! THANK YOU MY WONDERFUL COCONUT FRIEND!!!!!!***

Two days ago...

The barn fire was getting too big too quickly. While it was true that the Master’s orders called for total destruction, there were multiple other buildings on the list, and this would alert the authorities far too soon.

Sure enough, before the slaves had a chance to regroup, a siren sounded in the distance, growing closer at an alarming speed. Killian ducked around the corner of the building farthest from the road while he considered his options.

Above all, Killian desperately wished he could allow himself to be captured, to give himself up to be tended with proper medical care and painkillers and a soft bed. He wanted more than anything for this nightmare to be over, to simply collapse in the arms of his beloved and admit defeat. But then they would not have one iota of gain to show for all of the suffering. They would lose their advantage and would have to come up with another way to defeat the monster, a possibility that seemed more hopeless with each passing day.

As it was, Killian did have the inklings of an idea buried deep, meticulously guarded from the Master’s probing thoughts. If he could somehow communicate the particulars to his Swan without the collar camera overhearing... But it all depended upon his Master not seeing him as a threat. Which meant continuing on with the charade and the misery.

It was the Chevelle: Detective Jones and his new partner, David. What Killian had been expecting and dreading at the same time. He would not be permitted to stand idly by while his fellow slaves were rounded up by his friends. He had a sword; his Master would oblige him to use it. And both of them were formidable opponents, especially in his weakened state.

ELIMINATE THEIR ESCAPE ROUTE, growled the Master's voice in his head, slightly quieter than normal but not by much. From the shaky, unreliable views at throat level, it would not be able to discern details yet, only that the new arrivals represented both a threat to its current slaves as well as potential victims to add to its horde.

While the two officers climbed out of the vehicle and raced to investigate the blazing barn, Killian staggered around the opposite corner, behind their backs and to the concealed side of the car. He could hear definite sounds of battle: stun guns and then pistol shots as his friends struggled against far too many opponents. With a grunt of exertion, Killian drove the point of his blade into the front left tire.

Before long, Jones and David decided to retreat. They were approaching the car. Killian made his way to the back left wheel well, grimacing. The confrontation was inevitable now.

Tasked with clearing their escape route, David was the first to spot him.

“Killian?”

He did not fire his gun, which Killian confirmed was his regular pistol and not the stun weapon. Damn it, there would be no easy way out of this one. Killian had no difficulty summoning his bleakest expression. Never mind seeing his friend for the first time in weeks; that friend would likely never trust him again. He would have to make a very realistic attempt to bring David down, possibly hurting him in the process. Was it any wonder, then, that he felt no joy at the reunion?

THAT ONE APPEARS TO HAVE A NOURISHING VOICE. CAPTURE HIM IF YOU CAN, TRIPOD, BUT DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TAKEN.

David was trying to talk him down, stepping carefully forward with his hands raised, his pistol loose in his grip and pointing toward the sky. As one in a trance, Killian stumbled his way to the third tire, speared it with his weapon, then paused to catch his breath. He could see the prince slowly reaching for the handcuffs at his belt. In the background, Jones was engaged in a desperate hand-to-hand struggle; like it or not, Killian's fellow slaves may take care of him on their own.

Killian allowed the point of his sword to rest on the ground, leaning back against the car in only slightly exaggerated exhaustion. He would not go to David; he needed David to bring the fight to him. It was all he had the energy for. Breathing heavily, Killian tried to block out his father-in-law's continued pleas, his reminders who waited for him at home, who was worried about him. None of it mattered if he was not successful in his quest.

Mere steps away, David had holstered his pistol and was reaching, almost too slowly to see, toward Killian's wrist.

“Come on, buddy. Let's get you taken care of, huh?”

Killian measured distances out of the corner of his eye. Waiting until the last possible second. Counting on the possibility that David would hold back and expect Killian to do the same. That Killian's true nature would result in the same feelings of restraint which guided David's actions.

With only centimeters to spare, Killian lashed out with the butt of his sword, driving it into David's solar plexus. The prince doubled over, winded, and Killian did not allow him time to recover. He followed the blow with a strike to the temple. Already twisted slightly as he fumbled for his pistol, David went limp and fell heavily to the ground, landing on his side. The thump of his body meeting dirt seemed to vibrate all the way up to the pit of Killian’s stomach where guilt normally lived.

KILL THIS ONE. BRING THE OTHER.

David seemed to be unconscious. He could not resist. Killian had run out of excuses. His Master was watching, and the nearest approaching siren was still much too far. Feigning breathlessness, Killian lurched the two steps that separated him from the helpless form of his father-in-law. Struggling to maintain his balance, he stepped over the obstacle, positioned himself behind David, and used a vicious kick to turn him onto his stomach. Then, as he straddled the body for maximum control, he allowed himself one quick glance in Jones' direction: now armed with a sword himself, the detective was finishing off his final opponent. If he could time this just right…

Killian magnified his tremors for the Master’s benefit as he held his blade poised above his target. Just as important as timing was the selection of a landing site. But he had to make it look as if his physical condition caused him to miss a fatal blow.

One good thing about David being unconscious: Killian didn't have to suppress the additional remorse that would have surely resulted from the pained reaction to his sword clattering off of David's shoulder blade.

Killian staggered as if surprised by the obstruction, and as he did so, he noticed that Jones had dropped his final attacker. With a dispassion born of his now-familiar mantra, Killian readied his weapon for a second strike.

Jones arrived just in time. Hope kidnapped, Hope tortured, Hope dead.

BRING THIS ONE TO ME!

The mental command had a noticeably greater insistence than usual, bordering on frantic hunger. It was the closest it had ever come to instilling the mindless compulsion that drove all other slaves.

Killian knew why his Master was so adamant. And could not allow it.

Jones engaged in their shared tactic of posturing, and even if he weren't playing the part of a broken-down, hopeless slave, Killian was too weary to answer back.

The pair had sparred before, a friendly contest here and there, a way to keep up their skills in a more peaceful world than the one in which they’d spent most of their lives. And Killian could tell right away that, just as he did during those contests of no import, Jones was playing it safe, holding back to prevent injury, and that was the last thing Killian wanted him to do. His Master would notice if the fight were not authentic, and if they both curbed their strikes, it would be revealed as a farce.

The slash to his sword arm was entirely accidental; Killian knew by the look on Jones’ face. But the burning wound was somehow enough to spur the fight into high gear, with resulting bloodshed on both sides. They traded blows. Killian could feel half-healed wounds beginning to open with the exertion. Jones, too, bled from more than one gash but seemed not to notice.

Killian could not catch his breath. The scene begin to take on a shadowy, murky quality and he moved solely by instinct. Tenuous footing caused a very real stumble, quick reflexes allowed Jones to catch his sword arm, and Killian should have allowed it to end then. But his left arm was free, and he moved without thinking, or perhaps his Master’s hunger for a twin Tripod overcame his usual immunity to its edicts. He swung his stump with all the strength he could muster, driving the wrist ring straight into the detective’s face.

Crystalline flames consumed Killian's wrist. Jagged tendrils climbed his forearm like steadily growing cracks in a pane of glass. He could do nothing but cradle the arm in breathless anguish as he waited for the defeating blow.

TAKE HIM, TRIPOD. TAKE HIM NOW!

His Master's command screamed through his mind and was just enough to mask his terrible pain. The nearing sirens would explain the urgency: not much longer before the opportunity was lost. Clutching the throbbing limb to his side, Killian responded to the order and struck out blindly with his blade.

The shock wave of steel against steel raced up his arm, jolting even the fiercely complaining wrist on the opposite side. Somehow taken by surprise, Jones lost his sword and stumbled back into the outstretched arm of a downed slave.

The Master's exultation as the detective hit the ground was short-lived. The crunch of gravel announced the arrival of backup, and though Jones was unarmed and struggling against the grip on his ankle, Killian would not have enough time to secure him and drag him away. The Master knew it too.

TOO LATE, it growled. DISPOSE OF HIM QUICKLY AND RETREAT.

Killian could not bring himself to look at the resignation on his friend's face as he readied his blade. In fact, the only reason he managed to watch at all was because he might miss and cause serious harm otherwise.

A car door slammed. His sword stabbed down into flesh.

GO, howled the Master.

"Killian!" came the frantic cry from behind.

It was her--Hope kidnapped--it was--Hope tortured--oh gods--Hope dead--Hope DEAD--Swan. His Swan. He only had to turn and she would be there. Right before him, in the flesh, not a bittersweet memory seen through a haze of pain--HOPE DEAD!!!

Killian was staggering away before he was even aware of it, desperate to preserve the illusion, to keep his resolve from crashing to the ground like all of his groaning comrades around him. If he saw her... if he met her eyes…

She was calling him, begging him to stop, and just hearing her voice again was enough to bring him to tears. He missed her so much; their separation rivaled the worst of the tortures, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he abandoned their plot--HopeDeadHopeDeadHopeDead--

He heard the pistol discharging at the same instant as a crippling pain burrowed its way into his back, knocking him forward, flat on his face in the grass. But dazzling lights exploded in his brain and zapped in scalding waves along every single nerve path in his body, and he did not even feel the jarring landing.

Present (Friday, continued)...

The guards in the surveillance room were considerably more alert than the one at the armory. Perhaps due to their proximity to their Master--they were, after all, in the same building--or the fact that it had reason to visit more frequently. Whatever the explanation, they’d leapt to their feet the instant Killian had pushed the door open.

They weren’t armed and probably could not fathom ill-intent from a fellow slave. Still, the moment they saw his sword, they must have known he was up to no good. Two charged him recklessly, no thought for their own safety, while the third managed to lift her wooden chair to use as a shield-slash-weapon.

With the sword hilt, Killian quickly felled the first two assailants, every single movement tearing at the screws in his neck. He growled and stumbled over their unconscious forms just as a set of chair legs swiped at his midsection. A fragmented pair of wooden rods clattered to the floor as Killian brought his blade down hard. The remaining slave staggered and snarled, but she did not back off. Lurching forward, she swiped the still-vibrating chair in the other direction, forcing Killian to dodge the splintered edges coming for his face. One of the intact legs caught him in the abdomen, driving the breath from his lungs and doubling him over.

Blindly, through darkening vision, mind-numbing pain, and the desperate panic of not being able to breathe, Killian lashed out with his sword. There was a thunk as the blade contacted wood, and he only barely managed to hold on through the shock wave. The chair flew upward, the seat back slammed into the woman’s forehead, and she crumpled backwards in a heap, the damaged chair on top.

Killian clutched at his belly and finally managed a small breath. Eyes watering, heart racing, he limped to the row of monitors even as stars twinkled in his peripheral vision. He had no time for recovery, no time to secure the temporarily stunned guards. His Master would have sensed the threat. It could be here at any time. And there was no clinging to the charade of obedience anymore.

“Swan,” he wheezed, praying she’d had enough time for preparation. He squinted at the first screen. “Entrance to the hospital Emergency Department.” He sucked a deeper breath, held it, grimacing. Screen two. “Holding cells in the sheriff station…. City Hall auditorium…” The fourth and fifth cameras were in locations he could not identify, possibly outside of Storybrooke. Gritting his teeth, Killian hobbled to that side of the desk, noting that the first two feeds had already been replaced by other images. Emma was ready! They may have a chance after all.

Killian had little clue how to switch the feeds of the last two cameras, but he began clicking randomly in the program regardless. He had to find one which Emma could control. The image changed. A slave collar, overseeing the destruction of property. Then someone’s bedroom from their webcam. A random front porch. Killian battled rising urgency. There was no time. There had to be… there!

“The cemetery,” he barked, already moving to the final screen. “Turn them on, love! My Master could be--”

The inside door swung open with a crash. And into the room, wearing an expression of pure malice, scuttled the imposing shape of the scream-eating monster.

His Master. They were too late.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: Empire of Storms, Ch 51 - 53

Sorry these have been coming out a little later than usual, I was sucked into a Nuzlocke playthrough.

Eyllwe’s coast was burning. For three days, they sailed past village after village. Some still burning, some only cinders. And at each of them, Aelin and Rowan had labored to put out those flames.

You get three guesses as to whose feelings over innocent people being burned alive are focused on. The first two don’t count.

Rowboat and the narrative splooge over how ~angsty and tortured~ Alien feels over Eyllwe being burnt and attacked, and how much she’s doing by staying on the ship and trying to put out the flames from there. Yawn. Maybe if Alien wasn’t a shitty character, I’d care.

Also there’s a rumor that Alien herself is starting these fires??? It probably won’t be important, it’s probably just for Alien to cry over so Rowboat can comfort her.

[Rowan]’d breathed [Aelin] in, and she knew he detected an answer to the question that had caused him to flee that morning on the ship. No, she was not carrying his child.

Oh great, this is returning. SJM uses this to briefly describe a sex scene between Rowboat and Alien where Alien reveals she’s not taking anything to prevent pregnancy. I mean, well, where would she get that on a medieval ship?

And then [Aelin] had explained that if she’d inherited so much of Mab’s Fae blood, she might very well have inherited the Fae’s struggle to conceive. And even if the timing was horrible … if this was to be the one shot she had of providing Terrasen a bloodline, a future … she would not waste it.

UMMMM WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ.

It literally explains after this Alien didn’t ask Rowboat if he wanted to have kids. She is literally using him to have sex with in an attempt to have children without his consent. WHAT THE FUCK. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS NOT CONSENSUAL OR HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, but since Alien is a woman and Rowboat is a man, it’s suddenly okay???? WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING

So aside from that extremely horrifying implication, the gang makes it to the Stone Marshes and Manon has to say goodbye to Abraxos, since he’d be too noticeable on the marshes. I cry.

Manon swallowed hard. “You saved my life. Many times. I never thanked you for it.” Abraxos let out another low whine. “You and me,” she promised him. “From now until the Darkness claims us.”

I can’t believe a bloodthirsty witch and her pet wyvern are the only two characters I care about on this entire ship besides Gav. Despite SJM trying to ruin Manon’s character, she and Abraxos still deserve better.

Manon tears up that red cloak from her half sister she killed and uses it to tie her hair back, before chucking the rest of it into the sea. SJM can’t resist the urge to then make it all about Alien’s feefees.

Aelin Galathynius said quietly, “You never stop seeing their faces.” It was only when they were rowing for the shore, spindrift soaking them, that Manon realized the queen hadn’t meant the Thirteen. And Manon wondered if Aelin, too, had watched that cloak floating out to sea and thought it looked like spilled blood.

Manon just had to cope with the idea her Thriteen might be dead and it’s all about Alien feeling upsetti some country people she’s never met died. adhjgfjah I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s all fine.

Next chapter opens up with Lorass and Elide on their journey to find Alien. Lorass says that the dark god himself Hellas is guiding him or some shit...? I don’t really care. They’re off the boat and come across a place that got fucked up by something.

Indeed, the hair on his arms had risen, every instinct on alert as he scanned the marshes, the ruins, the brambles, and thick foliage that had choked some of the islands. Even the god of death halted his nudging and ducked behind Lorcan’s shoulder.

You.. just spent several paragraphs splooging about the connection between the god of death and Lorass and how badass it is, and now you’re saying the god of death is cowering behind Lorass. SJM, you’re killing me I hope you know. You’re killing me.

“What is inside these marshes?” [Elide] asked instead. “Why is Aelin headed into them?” (...) “I don’t know,” [Lorcan] admitted. “No towns or outposts exist anywhere nearby.” Yet this was where the dark god had led him—and where that hand still pushed him to venture, even if it quaked.

I’m tired. Have a reaction image to sum up my feelings.

They travel for a couple of days across the marshes. One night, Elide hears some spoopy noises, so she asks Lorass to tell her about Maeve.

“Do you love her?” Those eyes, darker than the gaps between the stars, slid to her. “I have been in love with Maeve since I first laid eyes on her.”

Maeve treats all of you like servants, and in some cases slaves, and has no real affection for any of you. You’re her soldiers, and she’s not exactly a caring queen. Why are you all in love with her? Is it because she’s hot?

Elide’s like “uhh that doesn’t sound like love at all” and Lorass gets all pissy. Lmfao he’s just angry because she’s right.

“I think love should make you happy,” Elide said, remembering her mother and father. How often they had smiled and laughed, how they had gazed at each other. “It should make you into the best possible version of yourself.”

Funny how SJM understands this........ but writes Ratlin as posessive and abusive assholes to each other and has Alien not ask Rowboat for consent.... *thinking emoji*

tl;dr Elide kisses him and Lorass decides to make out with him. I’m not... horribly offended as I am with Ratlin, it’s just kinda a dumb ship with no chemistry, but hey, I’ll take that over the pile of dogshit that is Ratlin.

Lorass is about to slide into second base when he hears a bunch of Ilken arriving, and it’s implied they’re coming for Alien. I feel bad for how short this review is at the moment, so let’s keep going to chapter 53.

Two days into the endless labyrinth of the Stone Marshes—two, not the day and a half that gods-damned Rolfe had suggested—Aelin was inclined to burn the whole place to the ground.

Oh no, one half of a day more than his estimate... stop being such a whiny lil shit, Alien.

[Aelin] kept the [insects] away with a shield of invisible flame, revealed only by the zinging as they slammed into it. She might have felt bad, had they not tried to eat her alive the first day here.

Why would you feel bad for killing insects? They’re bugs who could possibly be carrying diseases. So Alien feels bad for killing dangerous insects, but not some of Rolfe’s people?? Lmfao you are so full of shit, SJM.

[Fenrys] could no doubt leap the gaps between the islands in wolf form, as could Gavriel. Why they bothered staying in Fae form was beyond [Aelin].

Ok, so like... why are they staying in Fae form, then? Also, that wording implies that Gav also has a wolf form, which he does not, he shifts into a lion.

Lysandra and Fenrys lowkey flirt with one another over their brands or some shit? Skipping this like my life depends on it tbh.

Dorian and Manon hauled themselves onto the bank below, dripping wet

But did they haul their asses onto the bank? This is important information the world needs to know, SJM!

Aedion, seated beside [Aelin], passed the too-light skin of wine. She swigged from it, glad for the sour slide that washed away any lingering taste of the meat.

Oh my god... they drink wine instead of water? This explains so much about these books. Corrected by @kittyinhighheels that this is actually historically correct! Thank you for correcting me on that.

Anyways, some swamp beast attacks them out of the blue, aiming for Manon, but Dorito stops it with his ice magic.

But Aelin looked back at Rowan, holding his stare. How convenient that your shield vanished right as that thing waddled up. What an excellent opportunity for a magic lesson. What if it had gone wrong? Rowan’s eyes glittered. Why do you think the hole opened up by the witch?

So Rowboat was willing to risk  Manon’s life - and possibly others - in order to... shoehorn in a magic lesson for Dorito? Nope. This was an excuse for Dorito to save Manon, and you all know it.

Apparently, the amulet Alien carries is an entirely different symbol and meaning in the witches’ culture. That’s actually kinda cool, I like it. Manon tells the story of Rhiannon Crochan and how she cursed the other witches before she died. It’s pretty neat; SJM really should’ve cut out the Alien bullshit and kept the series about the witches.

Later on, the male Fae fuck off to have a private conversation.

Gavriel said, “You should take Aelin a thousand miles from here. Tonight.” A wave of [Rowan’s] magic and honed instincts told him all was safe in the immediate vicinity, calming the killing rage he’d slipped into at the thought.

Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus, Rowboat. I get wanting to protect your loved ones but he gets such a fucking raging anger at the thought of anyone near Alien and it’s so fucking gross.

Fenrys points out the similarities between Manon and Alien, like they’re both have different sides of heritage, both lsot queens, etc. Yeah, but you also forgot that Alien is a raging selfish asshole and Manon isn’t, so.

Fenrys breathed, “Maeve will not allow herself to lose. Already, she’s replaced you.” Rowan whirled on Gavriel. “Who.” Those lion’s eyes darkened. “Cairn.”

Why do you care? This is treated as a big reveal when A) Lorass already told us about this dude, and B) Of course Maeve would replace you after you left.

Cairn … No amount of training, both off the battlefield and on it, had ever broken the Fae warrior of his penchant for cruelty. Rowan had locked him up, flogged him, disciplined him, wielded whatever shred of compassion he could muster in himself … nothing. Cairn had been born savoring the suffering of others.

Oh, of course he’s a one dimensional evil bad guy, too. SJM doesn’t know what nuance means.

For Maeve not to have given either male a gag order through the blood oath

I had to read that, so you do too.

Apparently Maeve wants Lorass dead because he and Rowboat are the msot powerful males in the world. Hnnnnnnnngh and as if that gushing isn’t bad enough, Fenrys literally asks Rowboat to kill him if Maeve makes him kill Alien.

Alien is such a goddamn Mary Sue, literally every character loves her and kisses her ass and those who hate her are villainized to hell and back. I’m so tired.

“I’m glad, you know,” Fenrys said with unusual graveness, “that I got this time. That Maeve unintentionally gave me that. That I got to know what it was like—to be here, as a part of this.” Rowan didn’t have words, so he looked to Gavriel. But the Lion was merely nodding as he stared down at the little camp below. At his sleeping son.

F-fuck... this got to me. Gav and Fenrys deserve better and they better not die I swear to god.

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 20

In which Mat shows up for the first time this book, and I am...underwhelmed

Chapter 20: On a Broken Road

I return! Adulthood is overrated and I would much rather just read books for a living. Alas.

So. I have tea, and Chapter 20 of The Gathering Storm, and a promise to myself not to leave this chair until the chapter is done. Let’s do this.

“Women,” Mat declared

Well aren’t we off to a great start.

“are like mules.”

*raises eyebrow* done with your shit and liable to kick you where it hurts?

“Wait. No. Goats. Women are like goats.”

So that part last chapter where Tuon thought to him not to dig himself into deeper trouble than he can climb out of? It only took about three words for him to toss the shovel aside and rev up the fucking bulldozer.

Come on, Mat. You ended last book on such a high, don’t ruin it now.

Also that line doesn’t sound very Mat – in terms of diction and syntax, not in terms of sentiment – but I’ll class that as a nitpick and move on.

“Pure poetry, Mat,” Talmanes said

That also doesn’t sound particularly like Talmanes, but in fairness we haven’t seen all that much of Talmanes.

They’d been lucky to find this ancient road, which must have been made before the Breaking. It was mostly overgrown, the stones shattered in many places, large sections of the roadway just…well, just gone.

Almost as if the path is hard to follow, as if there are places where it seems not to connect or make sense, or where there are pieces missing and it’s not at all smooth, and so it’s like a metaphor, you see. The right hand falters and the left hand strays, but they’re both making their way back towards the centre now, even if one is on a broken road and the other is still trying to find his path, so it’s all symbolic and whatnot.

Sapling pines had begun to sprout at the sides of the roadway and between rocks, miniature versions of their towering fathers above.

It’s the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiiife…..

I’m sorry.

“It’s like...Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he’ll cheat you – but he’ll do it honestly. He’ll use loaded dice, so that you think you’re losing by chance. And if you aren’t clever enough to spot what he’s doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that’s that.

“A woman, though, she’ll sit down to that same game and she’ll smile, and act like she’s going to play. Only when it’s her turn to throw she’ll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all sides.”

So this feels…off, to me. And not in an overly critical nitpicking sense, but in a this is actually jarring to read sense.

Mostly, I think, it’s because Mat shouldn’t be saying all of this out loud. This reads much more like his internal narrative, and even then it’s usually broken up a bit more. The sentiment – much as it makes me roll my eyes because who doesn’t love misogyny in the form of ‘women are mysterious and entirely incomprehensible creatures set on playing games with men’ – isn’t too far from things Mat has thought before, but the way it’s framed feels wrong.

The long, drawn-out metaphor, the way he’s just monologuing his merry way down this road…on the whole, Mat doesn’t do that. When Mat’s exasperated, we usually get the occasional grumble or maybe an exclamation out loud, and the rest is in his internal monologue, interspersed with the action of the scene.

This is much more suited to Thom Merrilin, really.

Also, when it comes to the subject of Women, Mat definitely makes generalisations both in his thoughts and out loud, but they’re usually more closely linked to specific characters.

“Now, you’ll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you’ll look up at her, then down at the dice again. ‘But there aren’t any pips on these dice,’ you’ll say.

“’Yes there are,’ she’ll say

Mat just doesn’t talk like this. He doesn’t create entire metaphorical scenarios, complete with dialogue, and then narrate them to make his point. When Thom goes off on his bootmaker story, Mat interjects with “what in the Pit of Doom does this have to do with making those fool women see sense?” And then Thom proceeds to tell this long and supposedly didactic story, while Mat sits there and wonders when we’re going to get to the point, which is Elayne and Egwene and Nynaeve.

This whole game-of-dice metaphor could work, perhaps, if it were broken up into single sentences – most of them unspoken but instead just part of Mat’s own thoughts – and scattered throughout the chapter to form a mini-theme. That’s something Jordan does with chapters from time to time. A Cluster of Rosebuds last book did something similar, actually, with the running theme of courtship-as-tactics.

Mat has just spent an entire page monologuing, uninterrupted even by his own thoughts or narrative. The only other time I can think of where Mat even comes close to talking for that long is when he pulls the stole off of Egwene’s shoulders and starts his ‘no, you listen to me’ routine with her and Elayne and Nynaeve. And the whole point there is the lack of interruption, because the reader knows he has everything completely backwards and is digging himself a rather spectacular hole.

Oh, and the time he gets annoyed at the Eelfinn not answering his questions, and starts running off at the mouth without realising what’s happening. Again, this serves a rather important purpose, because it’s what lands him Odin’s role.

Mat’s character relies heavily on the contrasts and interplay between what he says, what he thinks, what he does, and what happens around him. The play of ironies that drives Mat’s character is created by the dissonance between when he says and thinks, and how he actually interacts with the world around him and how other characters view him, so that the reader actually knows him better than he knows himself. Mat’s character depends on context.  

And you can strip him of elements of that context in certain scenes, but it’s usually with a deliberate purpose – upsetting the balance of his narrative by letting him speak uninterrupted (or think uninterrupted or act uninterrupted) has consequences one way or another.

Here, though, there isn’t any of that. There’s just…nothing but Mat talking. And so we’re completely stripped of the balancing effect that allows his character to work.

“’Clearly you can see that they actually came up as twos!’ And she’ll believe it. She’ll bloody believe it!”

“Incredible,” Talmanes said.

The other issue here – or rather, part of the same issue of a complete lack of context or framing or interspersed balancing narrative, action, or other characters to serve as kaleidoscope lenses – is that Talmanes is being used here as an entirely flat sounding board, rather than as a chorus. The difference between the two can be subtle, which no doubt makes it difficult to write well, but there is a difference. All this line from Talmanes does is to remind you that Mat is not giving a soliloquy, and it doesn’t even do that particularly well.

The point of surrounding Mat with other characters is not so they can act as mirrors or supports but so they can act as lenses, giving the reader a different perspective through which to view Mat, in order to build a more accurate picture of him than he presents on his own.

You have to surround him with chorus and context, so that everything he says and does is filtered and reflected and bounced around off of all these different mirrors, each reflecting a fragment froma  different angle, so that all the fragments come together into a mostly cohesive whole that is more than the sum of its reflected parts for the reader. That leaves Mat free to dive headfirst into the nearest pile of dramatic irony.

Without the chorus, though, without context or characters who serve to inform and illumnate rather than provide a simple and unaltered reflection, you’re forced to more or less take Mat at face value. Which flattens him as a character and also makes things like the misogyny of this absurd dice analogy far more frustrating than it might otherwise be, because the narrative is doing absolutely fuck-all to contradict, qualify, or moderate that view.

So now that I’ve spent more words talking about that monologue than it actually contains…

Oh wait nope we’re still going.

This would probably annoy me significantly more if I liked Mat more than I do; I admit that I’d rather see Mat written weirdly than more or less any of the other major characters. Sorry, Mat. I did name my new fox-neighbour after you, though, so there’s that.

As is, it actually doesn’t annoy me much more than Jordan’s Mat was wont to do, and instead is weirdly interesting to me from a meta perspective, in terms of working out exactly what feels so wrong about this, and why it would have been written this way.

“By the time they’re done,” Mat continued, almost more to himself

Almost? Please. The attempt at putting Talmanes into this conversation is almost more awkward than if Mat has actually been talking to a tree this entire time.

And is far more awkward than if this entire thing had been in Mat’s thoughts. Preferably chopped up and scattered as seasoning throughout the chapter.

“You’ll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn’t read twos after all. If only to preserve what’s left of your sanity. That’s what it’s like to reason with a woman”

Actually there’s a name for that; it’s called gaslighting and it’s far more commonly done to women than by them, especially in abusive relationships. But sure, let’s just flip it around and turn it into an accusation against half the population, conveniently placing men as the victims and women as, yet again, mysterious incomprehensible creatures who delight in toying with men.

And speaking of ‘toying’, I wouldn’t find this whole rant nearly as irritating if it were about a woman specifically rather than women in general. It would be more interesting than offensive if he were talking about Tuon here, because their whole relationship is a mess and there’s so much to play with there. This would fit right in with the characterisation of their courtship as a game of strategy and tactics, of manoeuvre and counter-manoeuvre, of two people at the table each playing a slightly different game.

It doesn’t even all need to be specifically about Tuon – Mat certainly isn’t above a bit of sweeping generalisation – but there needs to be a few anchoring mentions of her. Give 90% of this to his internal monologue and make it mostly about Tuon, and then let him say the other 10% aloud, about women in general, and then Talmanes is only getting pieces of the whole and is responding to those, the reader gets the entire thing, and you start to get some of Mat’s typical contrasts back.

I don’t know who this is but it sure as hell isn’t Talmanes.

Of course, few ‘mountains’ in this area were impressive, not compared to the Mountains of Mist, back near the Two Rivers.

Or, you know, Dragonmount.

But then, it’s hard to be impressive compared to a magic volcano that is pyre, grave, and cairn to humanity’s recurring nightmare and answered prayers.

And Mat was determined. Determined not to be pinned in by the Seanchan again

Militarily, at least.

Innuendo aside, though, this is what I want to see more of with Mat. The whole clusterfuck that comes of being in love with (and now married to) the empress of a nation you despise. It’s an interesting version of the ‘enemies-to-lovers’ trope in that they are both, simultaneously, but in different capacities and contexts, and that? Is fascinating to me, as a concept.

But I also feel like, as with so much else about Mat, I want something written in E but his story is actually written in G. If that makes any sense at all.

The more I think about it, the more I think this is why I have never been able to like Mat as much as I sometimes feel like I should. On paper, there’s a lot about him that’s right up my alley. But then the way it’s executed tends to put more emphasis on the things I’m not so interested in, and leave unexplored the things I am intrigued by. I tend to say that Mat is just Not My Type, but I actually think it’s a case of me being able to see all the ways in which he comes so close to being my type but the story chooses to focus on different things. It’s almost more frustrating, that way.

I should clarify that I don’t even mean this as a criticism. No doubt if Mat were written the way I would want him written, plenty of other people would be having exactly the same issue I’m having now. But it does explain why he irritates me sometimes, and why I can’t quite seem to enjoy him much of the time.

He wanted out of this hangman’s noose of a country.

I See What You Did There.

In truth, Master Roidelle didn’t have a lot of experience being a guide. He was a scholar, an academic. He could explain a map for you perfectly, but he had as much trouble as Vanin making sense of where they were

I don’t know what kind of scholar you’re thinking of, but scholarly and academic mapmaking in my experience involved a hell of a lot of hiking through very real bogs with a compass and a notebook and no free hands to hold an umbrella. Also through a desert taking bearings from the rather homogeneous landscape of low hills because your GPS ran out of battery but like hell were you going to waste an entire day in the field to go back and change them, so you’d better know how to navigate by compass and aerial photograph and make sure the features you plot are still accurate to within a few metres.

Academia and practical field knowledge are NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, is what I’m saying here. Anyway. Moving on…

Since this roadway was so disjointed and broken, the pines high enough to obscure landmarks, the hilltops all nearly identical.

Okay, fine, it’s a metaphor. I will grudgingly accept this.

But seriously. Try to tell a geologist that scholars don’t know how to use the maps they make and you’re likely to get a compass-clinometer in the face.

“I’m just asking,” Mat said, pulling down the brim of his hat against the sun. “A commander’s got to ask things like this.”

That second bit, again, should be in his thoughts rather than out loud. Probably with some follow-up thought about how he isn’t going to start being bloody responsible just because he’s married. Something like...I don’t know. This, maybe:

“I’m just asking,” Mat said, pulling down the brim of his hat against the sun. A commander had to ask these sorts of questions. A commander! Burn him, he wanted to avoid battles, not command them. Only, avoiding those battles behind him would have meant leaving all those Seanchan to chase after Tuon. Tuon. His wife. A commander, a husband, and a noble. He had to laugh – it was either that or weep. Just when he had started to think he understood the rules of the game she was playing, she had to marry him and make him some Prince of the bloody Ravens. Well burn him if he was going to let that turn him into a bloody noble, but he was the Band’s commander, whether he wanted it or not, and they were counting on him to see them out of this butcher’s yard. “Just find the flaming mountain,” he said to Vanin, frowning when the man only looked amused.

I mean that’s rough and not really in Jordan’s style either (trust me I would not even for a moment try to claim that I could do a better job of finishing this series than Sanderson; that is not at all the purpose of this), but it’s kind of how I picture this working. Mostly internal monologue, an occasional mention of the whole dice game thing here and there to keep a running theme rather than beating you over the head with a clumsily narrated analogy, Tuon coming up frequently in his thoughts as she’s sort of the cause of his current crisis of self, and a contrast between what he thinks and what other characters see of him.

“Don’t look so glum, Mat,” Talmanes said, puffing on his gold-rimmed pipe. Where’d he gotten that, anyway? Mat didn’t remember him having it before. “Your men have full bellies, full pockets, and they just won a great victory. Not  much more than that a soldier can ask for.”

I think what’s bothering me about Talmanes is that he sounds more like Nalesean here. I liked Talmanes better; can I have him back now please?

“There aren’t losses when you don’t fight in the first place.”

“Then why ride to battle so often?”

“I only fight when I can’t avoid it!” Mat snapped. Blood and bloody ashes, he only fought when he had to. When they trapped him! Why did that seem to happen every time he turned around.

This is better. ‘I only fight when I can’t avoid it’ still feels to me more like something Mat would think rather than actually say, but overall this exchange feels much more true to both of them. And I rather  like Talmanes’s question here.

There aren’t losses when you don’t fight in the first place…it reminds me actually of Rand’s there was a price to be paid for any decision he made. There was a price for who he was. Other people paid it. He had to keep reminding himself that it was a far smaller price than they would pay without him.

Because the answer to ‘then why ride to battle so often’ comes down to something similar, really. There aren’t any losses when you don’t fight in the first place in the same way that Rand’s existence brings a price. Without it, that specific price wouldn’t be paid, but another would. Mat can’t run from battles, and by leading his people through them, he is almost certainly helping to keep the cost from escalating. (Even as he’s helping to change warfare into something even more destructive by introducing gunpowder weapons). There’s a whole interplay, with so many of the main cast, between cost and mitigation, between salvation and destruction.

And so you run into questions like how much destruction is the salvation of the world worth? At what point does the cost become too high? At what point do the scales balance? And how can you accept those costs and not let them consume you, while still retaining enough humanity to care about them at all? Rand’s quickly sliding towards a threshold in that regard, but it comes up in variation with the other characters as well.

Mat tells himself that he avoids battles, but the Aelfinn named him Son of Battles and the name has proved true, and his denials do not always ring entirely true. And yet he does truly hate the price that always must be paid; Mat in the aftermath of a battle is often when I enjoy him the most, because there are some truly beautiful scenes and lines that come out of it.

But perhaps it is precisely this balance he strikes between the thrill of the battle and the stakes and the strategy and the despair at the thought of the cost that makes him a good commander, strategy aside. He can denounce responsibility till he’s blue in the face, but at the end of the day he is always trying to minimise that cost, to keep those who follow him safe. They weren’t even his during that first battle in Cairhien, but he couldn’t bring himself to abandon them. Leading them meant paying a certain price, but leaving them would have meant paying a higher, though he wouldn’t have been there to see it.

Why do you ride to battle so often? Because the cost would be higher if he did not.

Probably.

(It’s that ‘probably’ that can cause so much doubt and anguish. You never can prove a negative…)

Of course, Mat was now a nobleman himself. Don’t think about that, he told himself. Talmanes had spent a few days calling Mat “Your Highness” until Mat had lost his temper and yelled at the man – Cairhienin could be such sticklers for rank.

When Mat had first realised what his marriage to Tuon meant, he’d laughed, but it had been the laughter of incredulous pain. And men called him lucky. Well why couldn’t his luck have helped him avoid this fate? Bloody Prince of the Ravens? What did that mean?

This is definitely better. It still feels different from Jordan – and perhaps explains things a little too directly – but it’s far less immediately jarring than the start of this chapter was.

Would the Seanchan chase him? He and Tuon both knew they were on opposing sides now, and she’d seen what his army could do.

YES I WANT THIS. I want Mat to face the Seanchan Army on the battlefield, with them reinforced by the Deathwatch Guard and armed with knowledge from Tuon of Mat’s strategy and style. With women on the front lines because Tuon knows Mat has sworn to himself never to kill another woman. I want a scene that alternates between Mat’s perspective, facing this battle, and Tuon in the Tarasin Palace, unrolling a report delivered by raken with her long lacquered fingernails, calmly issuing orders to her commanders on how to proceed. Mat as the general and Tuon as the Empress, enemies. And that battlefield is between them when next they meet, but they meet as Mat and Tuon this time and so it’s not the same but nor does it erase the blood, and okay I’ll stop because I feel like this is unlikely. Still, I want it, and I will take whatever I can get. I do enjoy the setup, and even these thoughts from Mat about how they are on opposing sides, while in the next sentence he wonders if she loves him. What an excellent fucked up mess.

She’d stayed in his possession, enduring captivity, never running. But he had little doubt that she’d move against him if she thought it best for her empire.

And he will continue to oppose that empire. “You are not my enemy, but your empire is.” Where do you go from there?

Yes, she’d send men after him, though potential pursuit didn’t trouble him half as much as the worry that she might not make it back to Ebou Dar safely.

I rather like this as well – the protectiveness here is rather fascinating in contrast with the fact that, from a military standpoint, the Seanchan are a truly formidable enemy (and more so if Tuon does make it back to Ebou Dar safely).

Puts rather a twist on ‘love thine enemy’, doesn’t it?

So we’re once again in a place where the entities and emblems and figures and thrones are set against one another, even as the people occupying those roles still love. It’s a balance that cannot hold long without collapsing one way or another, but that’s part of what makes it fascinating. Mat and Tuon, Rand and Egwene, Egwene and Gawyn and Elayne and Galad…also Rand and Moridin, if you think about it, which is Fine, I’m fine, this is not a problem at all…

“Mat,” Talmanes said, pointing at him with the pipe again. “I’m surprised at you. Why, you’re starting to sound downright husbandly.”

TALMANES. IS. NOT. NALESEAN.

Also Naleseamanes, you can stop saying Mat’s name every single sentence. Though I suppose it’s understandable; I too would need reassurance that this version of Mat is in fact Mat.

Mat’s denial is also weird and this whole ensuing conversation is weird and feels off. For mostly the same reasons as I’ve already gone on about at length.

“What was that? What does that mean?”

“Nothing, Mat,” Talmanes said hurriedly. “Just that, the way you’re mooning after her, I—”

“I’m not mooning,” Mat snapped […] “I’m just worried. That’s all. She knows a lot about the Band, and she could give away our strengths.”

Just…nope. That first bit is not how Mat talks at all, and his denial takes a very different form to this. This is almost more Nynaeve’s style, though even then it’s not a perfect fit. And while Mat is similar in many ways to Nynaeve, they don’t talk the same way.

There are some moments where he reads just fine, but then something like this comes along and it’s just…I’ve tried in TGS thus far to avoid excessive pointing out of differences between Sanderson and Jordan because for the most part it would be an exercise in futility. There are going to be differences because Sanderson is a different author, and with occasional exceptions I haven’t minded them too much. But this is to a much greater extent, and is to the point where it’s actually distracting.

Maybe if I liked Mat more, I would be more inclined to find things I liked about this chapter? I don’t know. Well, it is what it is. And at the end of the day, weighed against the alternative – the series remaining unfinished – I’ll take this in a heartbeat.

“Ever consider marrying one of them?”

“No, thank the Light,” Talmanes said. Then, apparently, he thought better of what he’d just said. “I mean, it wasn’t right for me at the time, Mat. But I’m certain it will work out fine for you.”

I would not be so certain and also I want my Talmanes back.

Mat scowled. If Tuon was going to bloody finally decide to go through with the marriage, couldn’t she have picked a time when others couldn’t hear?

Okay that got a smile. Well, a fond rolling of eyes anyway.

Aes Sedai were great at keeping secrets unless those secrets could in any way embarrass or inconvenience Matrim Cauthon. Then you could be certain the news would spread through the entire camp in a day’s time, and likely be known three villages down the road as well.

Definitely better, especially because here we’re back to the contrasts and contradictions that are so fundamental to Mat’s character. Because certain key secrets known to some Aes Sedai, such as the fact that he sounded the Horn of Valere, have actually been kept very quiet indeed.

“I’m not giving up gambling,” Mat muttered. “Or drinking.”

“So I believe you’ve told me,” Talmanes said. “Three or four times so far. I half believe that if I were to peek into your tent at night, I’d find you mumbling it in your sleep. ‘I’m going to keep bloody gambling! Bloody, bloody gambling and drinking! Where’s my bloody drink? Anyone want to gamble for it?’”

Hello, 999? I would like to report the abduction and probable murder of Lord Talmanes of House Delovinde. Please let me know if you find him; he was supposed to be here several pages ago and his family and I are growing very concerned.

“You won’t go soft just because you got married, Mat. Why, some of the Great Captains themselves are married, I believe. Davram Bashere is for certain, and Rodel Ituralde.”

Gareth Bryne…well, we’ll have to wager on that one.

“No, you won’t go soft because you’re married.” Mat nodded sharply. Good that was settled. “You might go boring though,” Talmanes noted.

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TALMANES. I miss Talmanes. I suppose this is how I would feel about Mat if I liked Mat more. Huh. Okay, those of you who like Mat more than I do…in the immortal words of Zuko, that’s rough buddy.

Talmanes would be a wine snob, though. I will give him that.

Mat exhaled in relief. He’d begun to think that they might end up wandering these mountains until the Last Battle came and went.

Lost and uncertain, the left hand strays…only not anymore.

This thing with the maps, though…this is another part, I think, of why this chapter isn’t working for me. There’s nothing happening. That in itself isn’t completely new; there are plenty of chapters in Jordan’s books in which not a whole lot actually happens in terms of events, but there’s usually still a purpose to them, and they tend to be done differently for different characters. Someone like Elayne can just about pull off a scene that’s mostly just conversation (well, given some people’s comments, I guess these scenes also don’t work for everyone, but at least they’re in line with Elayne’s character as a politician in a political arc).

Mat also definitely have scenes that aren’t action-packed, but Mat’s ‘passive’ scenes serve a very specific purpose; in these, the passivity is a point unto itself. This sort of scene, with a long stretch of nothing but talking and analysing something, is more suited to Perrin. Mat’s scenes, when they’re not the contemplative storm that precedes a character moment, rely on action to bely the thoughts. There’s a constant play of contractions between what he thinks or says and what he does, and removing the active element causes that balance to collapse. We’re effectively getting only half the picture here, and it throws everything off.

The action can be subtle, but it’s nearly always there. Otherwise, everything is silence and we’re entirely in Mat’s thoughts. Mat doesn’t do ‘talking heads’ scenes. They don’t work for him.

So the tone feels wrong, and the ratio of thought-to-dialogue feels wrong, as does the balance of thought/dialogue and action, but also just the way the scene is framed and planned and outlined feels wrong. It isn’t the right kind of scene for Mat. The conversation might have felt less jarring if it were set against a stronger backdrop, but it isn’t, so there isn’t even anything to distract from the wrongness of the conversations.

Sigh, hello Joline.

Mat and I can agree on one thing: Joline is annoying. And annoyingly incompetent. It doesn’t help that she has the bad luck to show up in scenes that annoy me all on their own, but she really does have a gift for being irritating, and I don’t often side with Mat on who he considers irritating, so that’s saying something.

She couldn’t hurt him with the Power, of course – even without his medallion, since Aes Sedai were sworn not to use the Power to kill except in very specific instances. But he was no fool. He’d noticed that those oaths of theirs didn’t say anything about using knives.

The funny thing is, I don’t know how many Aes Sedai would have noticed that loophole. No doubt some would have. Those who involve themselves with the world, rather than closing themselves off from it. But the others? It would be a very Aes Sedai blind spot for them to have.

Still, from the way each of those Aes Sedai looked at Mat in turn as they reached the front of the line, you’d never know that they owed him their lives. That was the way of it with women. Save her life, and she’d inevitably cliam that she’d been about to escape on her own, and therefore owed you nothing. Half the time, she’d berate you for messing up her supposed plans.

Sigh. This is entirely true to Mat, and true to Jordan’s writing of Mat, and it annoyed me as much when Jordan did it as now, because the narrative continues to back him up on this.

‘Here now’ is an Elend phrase, not a Mat one. The fact that I cannot stand Elend is probably not helping matters here.

Teslyn, at least, continues to be her surprisingly awesome self.

If they’re headed to Caemlyn, that means there’s a good chance of a reunion between Elayne and Mat. I am genuinely looking forward to this. He can teach her to swear and she can teach him to royalty and it’ll be great.

After that, he could make good on his promise to Thom.

YES! MOIRAINE! GO GET MOIRAINE! GO TO THE TOWER SON OF BATTLES! GO TO THE TOWER, TRICKSTER! GO, GAMBLER! GO!

Can I please just skip over Mat and Joline talking to each other? Do I have to read it? I don’t want to. I don’t like these conversations; they always make me annoyed and tired.

“You’re welcome to go on your own,” Mat said.

Please. Please take him up on that. I am so ready to be done with Mat And The Three Aes Sedai. I’ve liked some of his interactions with Teslyn, but aside from that, it has been a trial. (‘A Cold Medallion’ is in the running for my least favourite chapter in the entire series, if that gives you an indication of how very, very ready I am for this particular part of this subplot to end).

Damn it.

“I count two of you,” Mat said, his anger rising. “That means four horses. I figured you’d be smart enough to do that math, Joline.” And then, softer, he added, “if just barely.”

Excuse me, I need to go hit my head against a wall several hundred times. EVERYONE IN THIS CONVERSATION PISSES ME OFF. Joline, because she’s being arrogant and incompetent. Mat, because this kind of insult irks me, for reasons you can probably guess, but also I can’t entirely disagree with him on this one, but also…

*hits head against wall a few more times*

Are they done yet?

Also it’s yet another line that doesn’t really read like Mat. Not that the sentiment is wrong, because Mat does not hold Joline in anything much higher than contempt, but that specific brand of under-his-breath mockery isn’t really his style.

Teslyn gave him a shocked glance, seeming disappointed.

How…meta.

To the side, Talmanes just lowered his pipe and whistled quietly.

I see Talmanes as more of a lowered his pipe and raised an eyebrow type if anything, or he could pull a Lan and suddenly become completely absorbed in studying the contents of the bowl of his pipe until the awkward stops (while of course following every word because he’s as Cairhienin as they come).

“That medallion of yours makes you impudent, Matrim Cauthon,” Joline said coldly.

“My mouth makes me impudent, Joline,” Mat replied with a sigh, fingering the medallion hidden beneath his loosely tied shirt. “The medallion just makes me truthful.”

The tone – weary rather than flippant – and that second half of the line almost makes this work, but it’s still a bit too…well, a bit too Sanderson to feel like Mat. Which I think is part of the issue; Mat is the sort of character who you could at first glance toss in the same group as some of Sanderson’s characters, but on a closer look Mat really doesn’t belong there. This is Sanderson’s humour, and the humour Mat serves to provide is different.

Mat’s humour isn’t in witty retorts; those are reserved more for the Aiel (and occasionally Rand, oddly enough). Mat’s humour comes more from the piling-on of minor dramatic irony throughout a scene or arc, so that what he says is funny because he’s the only one not in on the joke.

And that’s…not a style of humour I’ve ever seen Brandon Sanderson write, that I can think of. His humour comes from the characters themselves saying or doing things that are funny or witty or clever. Mat’s humour comes from the way Mat’s statements fall on the surrounding story. It’s situational humour rather than intentional humour. It’s saying something unintentionally funny rather than cracking a joke.

Mat has never really struck me as a funny character. He’s used for comic relief sometimes, much as Nynaeve is, but I wouldn’t actually call either of them funny, for the most part. Mat’s funny to read – if your humour runs that way; mine often doesn’t, so I could be wrong here – because the reader actually knows him far better than he knows himself. You’re not laughing with him, you’re laughing at him.

And on the occasions when what he actually says is meant to be funny, it tends to be more a tone of irreverence than an actual joke or wisecrack or one-liner. This seems to fall into that second category, though the fact that the tone isn’t presented as flippant definitely goes some way towards mitigating it. Still, it reads more like a character who’s used to making witty and cutting rejoinders and is now doing it out of force of habit, which…isn’t Mat, because that’s not his style to begin with.

Anyway. Now we’re bartering with horses as the currency and ‘an end to Mat and Joline ever having conversations’ as the much-coveted item for purchase.

The fact that Joline hasn’t thought about the logistics beyond the immediate numbers needed for her convenience is entirely true to her character, I must say. She’s a great example of all the negative traits of Aes Sedai and precious few of the positive ones.

If the land didn’t decide to start blooming soon…

Not sure our wounded Fisher King is in much of a blooming sort of mood at the moment, so you might be shit out of luck on that one, sorry. But you never know; maybe if you ask him nicely?

“But with only one horse each, we’ll barely be faster than the army!” Joline said.

You are an embarrassment to your Ajah.

“And Vanin,” Mat called. “Make sure Mandevwin is aware that when I say ‘a few of us’ will go down, I mean a very small group, led by myself and Talmanes. I won’t have that village invaded by seven thousand soldiers looking for fun!”

No fun is to be had! By anyone! Not one single fun! If I have to be all responsible and shit then damn it, so do you. You hear me? No. Fun.

Mat turned back to the Aes Sedai. “Well?” he asked. “You taking my kind offer or not?”

It seems like such a small thing, this feeling that some of the things he says aloud in this chapter should really be in his internal monologue. Surely it shouldn’t make that much difference…and yet it really, really does. This, at least the way I interpret Mat (and there is of course the possibility that I’m talking out my ass here and am completely wrong about all of this) should read more like... ‘Mat turned back to the Aes Sedai. “Well?” he asked. Joline sniffed, and he knew all too well what that meant. He would have been glad to be rid of her, but not for any twenty horses! That was pure madness, so why did Teslyn look so disappointed? She usually had some sense, for an Aes Sedai. It had been a perfectly reasonable offer, burn him. It had!’

Well, or a better-written version of putting everything in Mat’s thoughts rather than out loud.

Teslyn trailed after, regarding Mat with a curious expression. She still looked disappointed in him too. He glanced away, then felt annoyed at himself. What did he care what she thought?

This is done much better, with the contrast again between what Mat says and what he feels, between what he feels and what he tells himself, between what he tells himself and what we see of other characters’ perceptions of him.

And it does better than the entire chapter thus far in showing that Mat is on edge. Which is entirely true to character, but unfortunately gets overshadowed by the chapter…trying to illustrate it and massively overshooting the mark.

Has Talmanes uttered a single sentence without appending Mat’s name to it this chapter? I’d look back and check but the very thought fills me with dread.

“You really do miss her,” Talmanes said, sounding a little surprised as their horses fell into place beside one another.

Talmanes? Is that you? I’ve missed you!

This is so much more like him, though, to see straight to the heart of the issue and state it like this. It reminds me a little of his conversation with Egwene. Ah, that conversation. That was a wonderful thing.

“What are you blathering about now?”

Damn it, stop ruining this moment! It doesn’t help that I dislike the word ‘blathering’ in any context, to say nothing of how it feels wrong here.

“Mat, you are not always the most refined of men, I’ll admit. Sometimes your humour is indeed a bit ripe and your tone on the brusque side. But you are rarely downright rude, nor intentionally insulting. You really are on edge, aren’t you?”

Mat said nothing, just pulled the brim of his hat down again.

It’s like they’re taking it in turns to be in character. Talmanes was fine with the ‘you really do miss her’ line and Mat was way off with the ‘blathering’ and then it flipped and now Mat’s alright but Talmanes is saying too many words.

Also it’s almost amusing on a somewhat meta level, because basically what Talmanes is saying is ‘you are out of character’ and…oh, you have no idea. I get that the chapter is intentionally aiming for Mat to feel a bit off, because he is on edge. But that, done well, would look different. This just looks…like Sanderson doesn’t quite have the hang of writing Mat, yet.

Again, I’ve felt that way with his first chapters of a few other characters (Aviendha comes to mind), but even those stood out less. They were more within the ‘margin of error’ I had expected, but this is…not.

Ah well. You can’t have everything, and one chapter out of twenty so far really isn’t doing all that badly, when you think about the task as a whole.

“We’re done with this conversation,” Mat said […] “I just—” “Over,” Mat said.

Talmanes wouldn’t protest; Talmanes would give a solemn nod or slight bow, and Mat would have no way of determining whether it was mocking or entirely sincere. This, here, is a very Sanderson-esque exchange.

“We’ll buy what we can at the village,” Mat said.

Hopefully with Mat’s luck that’ll work better for him than So Habor did for Perrin.

I don’t like sidekick!Talmanes. He makes me sad.

“You’re going to kindly take me up on my offer to go enjoy ourselves at the tavern,” Mat said. “And while we’re at it, we’re going to resupply. If my luck’s with me, we’ll do it for free.”

If Egwene or Nynaeve had been there, they’d have boxed his ears and told him he was going to do no such thing. Tuon probably would have looked at him curiously and then said something that made him feel his shame right down into his boots.

You kidding? She’d have asked how many knife fights there were likely to be, and then gone and ordered an ale to sip while she watched.

The good thing about Talmanes, however, was that he simply spurred his horse forward, face stoic, eyes betraying just a hint of amusement. “Well, I’ve got to see this, then!”

Nope.

Cut out that last line of dialogue there and it might be fine.

As is…well, the chapter ends approximately how it started. Let’s leave it at that.

Next (TGS ch 21) Previous (TGS ch 19)

[miriolemillion]

Thoughts on chapter 152

Phewie! This chapter was probably very emotional to all of us, especially us Mirio and Big Three fans! I’ve just finished reading the new chapter and I myself, am all jittery and just sjdsdjksdk WOW this chapter is A LOT to digest. Feelings? What ARE THOSE. MIRIO. Mirio. A mirio chapter. The third one in a row which makes me go WOW but also kinda anxiously screaming and just. THIS MIGHT BE TOO PLOT INVOLVING TO MY TASTE but also I rly want that to happen and I’m thirsty for Mirio content so GIMME.

First of all I want to say that this chapter didn’t get to me to the fullest until I got to the flashback scenes, but I wanna try and calm myself and stay consistent with my commentary and hold my horses ahah. Before the chapter, there were three things I had in mind:

1st) something WILL happen to Mirio. (even if all the deathflags in his tag made me go eh, I still believed sth will happen.) And if it’s not death, it’s probably gonna be that he will lose his quirk, due to the last scene in ch 151 with the bullets.

2) It (the sth that happens) will be plotrelevant. We saw it coming. There was so much going up to that arc, and so much was relevant to Mirio, to introducing him, making him sb that Midoriya looks up to, sb who COULD have been like all might, kinda was, could have been what midoriya probably will be, sb who had a hard time but tries even harder. This all made it clear that the arc will have sth abt Mirio which will get the story going and have a greater impact on the storyline.

3) whatever WILL happen, I probably won’t like it due to my habit of picking favourites and not getting genuinely warm with the main-main cast (I’m so sorry, the third years caught my heart, even more than once...)

TL:DR - I analyze what Horikoshi is probably trying to do with Mirio’s character and why the stuff is happening that happened, while being extremely disappointed on how it was carried out. Also I don’t want Mirio to lose his quirk bc I think it’s so... unnecessary. Cheers.

(disclaimer: I’m trying to be critical while still enjoying Horikoshi’s work! Also I love Midoriya just a -- eh-- heads up...)

ALSO I WROTE THIS AT THE END OF THE DAY COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED PLS DONT MIND GRAMMAR OR ORTHOGRAPHIC MISTAKES THANKS

There was the whole debate going on, will Mirio die, will he live but “lose” something veery important to him, will he be able to save Eri but get harmed severely... So when I first saw the first few panels my first thought was “oh god he will def get shot and probably lose his quirk”. And that’s probably what would be the “big plottwist” that gets the story going and I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS.

For one thing, I would absolutely love to get more “angst” for Mirio going, I love when my favourite boys experience some sort of pain and grow from it, but on the other hand he already had to go through so much to get where he was and become this strong so it feels a little unnecessary to make him lose his quirk completely. We already have All Might for that kind of storyline and there are plenty of other characters whose quirks could probably called “useless” but they prove that wrong. Not to forget that the whole point of boku no hero is that someone who is /quirkless/ can actually find a way to get one and become a hero this way... so yeah... this is why I conclude: A Midoriya/Mirio thing.

The whole point of Mirio “Lemillion” Togata existing in bnha is most likely to make Midoriya stand out as the pro hero to be as Mirio himself loses his quirk and experiences pain that way and I don’t like it one. damn. bit. People would probably disagree and I want to disagree myself but when I think back to earlier chapters when Mirio was just introduced, suddenly there is this whole new stuff about All Might and how Mirio was actually supposed to be his successor and there was a lot of drama (Midoriya even cried bc it was too much stress with all the stuff going on and the internship and then he wasn’t even meant to be the one? Well congrats Midoriya now Mirio doesn’t have one anyway...). It definitely was on Midoriya’s mind a lot and it was clear that there was supposed to be some kind of mentorship between the senpai and kouhai, both kind of successors of All Might.

We already had All Might losing his quirk dramatically, what even is the point?

The point is that Mirio is probably here to show that one can be a hero despite not having a quirk. And I would laugh my salty laugh if he manages what Midoriya couldn’t: become a hero without your favourite hero maigcally appearning from the sky and handing you his dna to become the protagonist of a super hero story. (oh wow my salt level is rising with writing this oops...)

Don’t get me wrong I love Midoriya with all my heart, I love his relationship with Mirio and that he finally has somebody to ask questions and hang out with a third year senpai. In fact I think it’s lovely. I’m just questioning whether it was really necessary to put Mirio in this position for dramatic effect. And what will Mirio do about it?

We don’t know the extent of Eri’s powers nor do we know if her qirk even fully manifested. She’s still a child, her quirk could be weak, her quirk could be something entirely different, or later in life she could even be able to grant quirks or give them back, however you want to see it. I would definitely love to see that, give Mirio his angsty arc where he overcomes his frustration and sadness and then Eri appears and helps him recover. If anyone would deserve it than Mirio.

Even more so after reading this chapter, and noticing all these panels of the flashback scenes (and GOD am I weak for childhood flasbacks aaaa MIRIO’S FATHER DJSDKJSD and the miritama childhood panel absolutely KILLED ME), it opened my eyes just how bad Mirio thinks of himself. How low of an opinion he has on himself. It was shocking because you get introduced to Tamaki and think “yeah, he feels so bad about himself, good that there is his buddy mirio to cheer him up”... JUST THAT IT’S ACTUALLY THE OTHER WAY ROUND. Tamaki might have felt inspired from Mirio to strive even harder bc of his hard-working attitude but boy does Mirio need all the cheering up from his friend.

I mean just LOOK AT THEM SOBS. This was actually my favourite part of the new chapter, that we get to see more of the Big Three’s origins and how they came to be friends. I always thought that Mirio and Tamaki were practically always a duo from point one since they started at UA and gradually Nejire appeared in their lives, but no, it’s actually Tamaki that stood out more in the beginning and so did Nejire.

It was actually so heart-warming for me to see Nejire talk to Tamaki first and be interested in his quirk. Mirio looks so adorable as he stands in the back, not rly sure what to do with himself, even if it’s also a little sad bc that was before they were the big three so he must have dealt with his own amount of self-doubts. Poor boy, but he’s not giving up!!

This is something very positive I find about bnha manga, the energy spent on showing characters back stories and interpersonal growth, even for villains and side characters. You don’t find that in every shonen manga and it’s a pleasant surprise (I’m talking abt beyond main cast-flashbacks here!).

And when Sir compliments him and tries to encourage him, he looked so happy and excited I honestly nearly cried.

So yeah, in my mind it’s still unlikely that Mirio will lose his quirk forever and never be abe to use it his whole life, but there is definitely something that happened to him that can’t return to the way it was before. The scene with Tamaki waking from his unconsciousness to worry about Mirio is kind of a proof to that. He worries about his friend, his gut feeling tells him that sth happened. And Miro himself was thinking about Tamaki and other people that are important to him.

About the last two panels, I honestly to god am very disappinted that for once, Mirio doesn’t get to end his angst chapter himself, but no Midoriya had to steal that spotlight from him. Because the oh so mighty protagonist appears, and saves his poor quirkless senpai from the hands of the villain and/or death. Like really. We really didn’t need that. What we wanted, at least after all that, was a Mirio that stood to the end, presevered, standing and not losing his hope, grasping Eri into his arms and carrying her to safetly (preferrably outside where he could be tended to too bc damn did you see those wounds...)

Alright those were my two hundred) coins, I am a salty Mirio fan who is curious about what turn his storyline will take.

[shielddrake]

Rebel of Sky City Ch. 15

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate everyone who had read and enjoyed this story. Whether you review frequently, seldom or not at all, whether you leave kudos (in the case of AO3) or not, whether you read at every update or if you just read this for the first time, all of you are awesome!  Your feedback and support in any form really makes my day!  Thank you all so much!  I hope I can continue to write to your enjoyment!

 In other news, you know those chapters that have a really short section of your outline where you know what happens but you can’t seem to figure out the details because it’s almost entirely just a talking scene?  Yeah, that’s this chapter.

 I’m still looking for input regarding my next project. Please see the notes in chapter 11 for details.

Chapter Fifteen

 Petra tried her hardest to keep herself from counting the number of lines in the stone and iron that made up her cell. She absolutely refused to do anything that boring to pass the time. Who knew how long she was going to be down here?

She sighed, blowing a raspberry as she glanced around her new home. It was two blocks by three blocks in size, large enough for her to lay down on the shabby mat that was her bed. A small hole in the corner was apparently supposed to be the toilet. The fourth wall wasn’t made of stone. Rather, it was blocked off by iron bars, allowing her to see into the wide hallway with a single door on the side. They had been led to the dungeons through that door before being split off into separate cells.

 Petra tried to look down the hall at the other cells. Of course, she wasn’t able to stick her head through the bars enough to see. The space between the metal rods could fit her arm, but not her head or legs, let alone the rest of her body. The cold stone leeched through her clothing, making her shiver. The guards had taken her uniform away, leaving her only in civilian clothes.

 As if losing her position in the Guard was a big concern at the moment.

 “Did you really live in one of these for ten years, Milo?” she called to the older man down the hall. She heard the rustling of movement. “I can’t imagine.”

“Well, it is a prison,” he replied, his voice echoing down the hall. “It’s not supposed to be comfortable, is it?”

 “I guess not.” Petra waited, hoping for a response from her second companion. Nothing came. She sat down at the corner to the right, straight up against the bars. “Lukas? Are you all right?”

There was a long moment of silence, and Petra was pretty sure he was ignoring her. She didn’t blame him. It was perfectly understandable if he was. But then, a quiet whisper echoed through the room.

“How long have you known?”

Petra pressed her forehead against the bars. She didn’t need to ask what he was talking about.

“Since I finished my Guard training,” she answered. “The Founder introduced her to all of us when we became official.”

 “And you didn’t think to tell me?” Lukas asked, his voice raising a little. “I thought I was your best friend. We tell each other everything.”

 “We are! I was planning on telling you, but Jesse made me promise not to.” Petra banged her head against the bars a bit. “You should’ve seen her face when I told her she should tell you the truth. She was terrified you would, well…”

“That I would what? Get angry? Wonder why my girlfriend and best friend would keep secrets from me?” Petra heard Lukas sigh, and she wish she could see his face. “Well, guess what? I am angry!”

“Lukas, Jesse didn’t want to hurt you—”

 “You know, it makes sense, doesn’t it? Jesse said her mother was controlling, just like The Founder. She doesn’t know normal things but she’s an expert crafter. She’s even mentioned having a tutor!” His steps echoed off the stone walls of the prison, and Petra could just imagine him pacing. “A tutor for what? Who else would even need a tutor but The Founder’s daughter! Heck, Jesse even looks like her!”

 “Lukas…” This time is was Milo trying to pacify his son, but Lukas went on regardless.

 “How could I be so stupid to not figure it out! I mean, I knew something was up, but I thought that if it was that important, Jesse would tell me!” There was a bang, causing Petra to jump. That sounded like Lukas had either kicked or punched the wall. She hoped it was the former, for the sake of his hands. “I never imagined it would be something like this!”

 “Lukas, listen to me.” Milo’s voice was firm. “I didn’t know about this either, but to be honest I can’t blame Jesse for doing what she did. She was trying to get out from under The Founder’s iron fist, just like we have been. And I truly believe that she wasn’t spying for her mother.”

 “Yeah, The Founder was just as shocked to see her captured as you were,” Petra added.

 “I don’t think she was spying,” Lukas agreed, his voice still growling a little. “But hiding the truth is just as bad, isn’t it? Lying by omission?”

 “Do you really believe that, Lukas?” Milo said, his tone gentle. Petra could picture the empathetic face he always had when he spoke to his son. “Jesse has done more for us and Build Club than I could ever imagine, and she did rush to try to warn us about the raid. Even before she knew about Build Club, she was always kind to us. Never once has she been judgmental about anything we’ve done or been through.”

“Jesse’s one of the good ones,” Petra insisted. “The moment I found out, she took me aside and explained everything. You should’ve seen her. That was hard enough for her as it was.”

 “She’s done nothing but help us so far.” The resolution in Milo’s tone was strong enough to knock down obsidian. “I am more than willing to completely believe in Jesse’s word.”

There was another pause as Lukas’ footsteps slowed to a halt. He must have stopped pacing.

“Look, I’m not angry with Jesse…Okay, I’m a bit angry with her, but I’m angrier with myself,” he admitted. Petra heard him slide down the wall connecting his cell to Petra’s. “She didn’t think she could trust me enough to tell me. I didn’t know she distrusted me that much.”

 “It’s less about distrust and more about worry,” Petra said. “Worry about hurting you.”

“It’s normal to feel angry in a situation like this, son.” And there was Milo again, strong and serious when he needed to be, but always gentle when called for. It’s part of what made him such a good father. “Don’t be ashamed of your feelings.”

 “But because of that, because of that lack of trust, we’re stuck in prison!” Lukas declared. “And who knows what The Founder’s going to do to Jesse.”

 “Lukas, you know very well that we’re here because Aiden’s a rotten, jealous creep.” Petra couldn’t keep the snarl out of her words. “Jesse would never turn us in, but he did. This is all because of Aiden!”

 “And now I feel stupid again!” There was a bang, and Petra guessed that he must have knocked his head against the wall. “He’s my…he was my friend. I should’ve done something more when he assaulted Jesse!”

 “You and me both, buddy.” Petra stuck her hand through the bars, reaching as far as she could towards her friend’s cell. “Lukas?”

She heard some shuffling, and a moment later a calloused hand gripped her. She squeezed Lukas’ hand tight.

“We’re going to get out of this. We always do,” she said. “Not sure how yet, but a stupid little cell can’t hold us.”

Lukas chuckled, and Petra smiled at the sound of his laugh. “You know, I told Jesse something very similar when we were being arrested.”

 Petra raised her voice. “You hear that, Milo? We’re going to get out of here! Somehow!”

“Good! I have no intention to stay in here for another ten years!”

 The door leading to the exit banged open and Reginald marched into the prison. Petra and Lukas released their hands, returning their whole bodies to their cells. Reginald walked up to the middle cell and looked down at Lukas. Petra couldn’t see Lukas, but she was more worried about the serious and concerned expression on the Captain’s face.

 “Stand up, young man,” he ordered, his voice calm but firm. He opened the door with a creak. “The Founder wants a word.”

 “Captain,” Petra called out, putting her hands around the bars to look out.

 “I will be speaking with you later, Petra.” Reginald didn’t look at her as he said this. Instead, he pulled out a set of handcuffs and held them out. “Hands out.”

 Lukas must have obeyed as she did see Reginald clasp the cuffs and heard the clink of metal as they locked. He pulled Lukas from the cell and started to direct him towards the door.

“Now wait here!” Milo protested. “He didn’t do anything wrong! If The Founder wants to blame someone, Build Club was my idea, not his! She shouldn’t be punishing him for any of that!”

 “The Founder will be questioning each of you. You’ll have your turn, Milo.” Reginald gave the older blond a scowl before turning his attention back to Lukas. “Move along now.”

Petra could only watch as her best friend was taken away. She leaned back against the wall and cursed.

 Lukas wasn’t really able to keep up with the twists and turns it took for Reginald to guide him from the dungeons to the throne room. The palace was even larger on the inside than it appeared from the outside. They passed a few windows, allowing Lukas to glance out at the marvelous view of Sky City.

 Makes that view from the tower I showed Jesse at the faire look pathetic, he thought. He looked back at the halls, which were bare other than the lines of the iron blocks. How do Jesse or Petra find their way around here? It all looks the same!

 With enough walking, Reginald brought Lukas back to the throne room. There were fewer guards than last time, and the throne itself sat empty. Beyond it, on a small patch of land with a large tree and a single crafting table, stood The Founder. She was looking out at the bright clouds of the afternoon. The wind made her black hair fly across her shoulders.

 She must have heard their footsteps. She turned to address them as they approached from around the throne. The Founder looked Lukas up and down.

 “Here he is, Founder, ma’am,” Reginald said officially, saluting.

 “Thank you, Reginald.” She folded her hands on her stomach. “Please stand by. We won’t be long.”

 “Do you want me to remove the handcuffs?”

 “Leave them for now.”

Reginald saluted again and walked away, standing at the corner of the wall where the large opening leading to the throne room. The Founder took a few steps towards him, her eyes narrow and suspicious.

 “You must be Lukas.” He felt his eyes widen. How did she know his name? “Jesse told me. She…speaks very highly of you.”

 For a moment, the fact that Jesse said good things about him to her mother elated him. Of course he would want the approval of Jesse’s family. He had thought about it when they started dating, but didn’t want to push Jesse into introducing them until she was ready.

 That’s when it hit him. This was the introduction. This was Jesse’s mother he was talking too. She had never spoken ill of her, but from what Jesse has said, she was more than a bit controlling. Lukas would’ve agreed with her if he had known Jesse was talking about The Founder herself.

 Still, at the moment, The Founder did have control over their fates. As such, Lukas knew better than to mention her governing tendencies.

“Yes, ma’am.”

There was another long moment of silence. Lukas couldn’t tell if The Founder was still assessing him or trying to pick the right words to use. It might have been both.

 “I have already heard from both Jesse and Aiden regarding the circumstance that brought us here,” she explained. Lukas forced himself not to react to his former friend’s name. “But I want to hear your version of events as well. I wish to ask you some questions.”

Lukas wiggled his toes in his boots, the only way he could fidget without her noticing. “I will answer what I can, ma’am.”

 “Good,” she replied. “Now then, when did you first meet my daughter?”

 Possessive too, but I guess that makes sense with how protective Jesse said she is. “At the Spring Festival earlier this year.”

 The Founder’s eyebrows shot up. “That long ago?”

 Lukas smiled. “Feels like a lot longer. Like I’ve know her forever.”

“And how did you meet?” she asked shortly. “I presume you walked up to her and spoke with her?”

 “Quite the opposite really,” he answered, daring to smile at the memory. “She was dancing in front of the band that was playing. She dragged me into the crowd and pretty much demanded that I dance with her.”

To his surprise, this brought a smile to The Founder’s face. “Yes, Jesse can have a…forceful personality sometimes. What happened next?”

 Lukas gave a full account of his first meeting with Jesse, detailing as much as his memory would allow. After that, he continued on to the following weeks that then turned into the months of time they spent together. Much to his surprise, The Founder didn’t say anything other than ask an occasional question.

 She frowned deeply when he got to the part about Jesse joining Build Club, and Lukas considered stopping there. The look on the ruler’s face was stern, however, and he didn’t dare lie, either by saying something false or lying by omission. There had been enough deceit as it was.

 Once he was finished, The Founder glanced out at the sky again. Her expression was contemplative. It was the same expression Lukas had seen on Jesse when she was recalling a more complicated crafting recipe. He wanted to say something more, but thought better of it. Who knew how The Founder would react if Lukas interrupted her thoughts?

Finally, she turned back to him. “You do realize I can only take your word for everything you’ve said here?”

 “Yeah, I kind of figured that.” He glanced down at his boots, his toes still wiggling unnoticeably.

“Your story also does not match with much of what Aiden has told me.” The Founder shook her head. “He says you approached her first with the intent of turning her against me. You wanted to fill Jesse’s head with lies about building and crafting. Tell her that it’s not dangerous when she knows very well that it is—”

“Aiden was part of Build Club too! Anything he’s accused us of, he’s done too!” The Founder’s eyes half closed at his outburst. Lukas inwardly cursed. That was a mistake. “Ma’am, I—”

 “Given your own history and the fact that your own father is the leader of this rebellion,” she said, her tone turned sour. “Are you really in any position to accuse Aiden of anything?”

“You don’t understand. Aiden is trouble.” Lukas shook his head fervidly. “He’s the one who wants to hurt Jesse. He’s done it before and he’ll do it again!”

The Founder’s voice was flat. “Has he?”

 “He assaulted her while she was in town,” he explained. “Forced himself on her. If it wasn’t for Petra, who knows what he might’ve done!”

It looked like The Founder was considering this, but the long pause also made him worried. Her expression didn’t change at all as he waited for a reply.

 She doesn’t believe me, he thought. Has Jesse told her? Maybe she’d believe if she heard it from Jesse? Corroborating stories?

“Regardless of Aiden’s decisions and behaviors,” she said. Lukas wanted to scoff. “The fact of the matter is my daughter snuck out of the palace, the one place where she is safe. Whether you knew it or not, you encouraged her to continue to disobey me. I want to know why.”

Lukas stuttered. “Why?”

“Yes. Why?” The Founder repeated. “Other than wanting to convince her to break the law, what other reason would you have to be around my daughter?”

He couldn’t help it. Lukas let out a loud guffaw, holding his cuffed hands to his belly. The Founder narrowed her eyes but said nothing, waiting for a proper response.

 “You have met your daughter, right?”

 “What is that supposed to mean?”

 “Who wouldn’t want to spend time with her?” Lukas answered. “She’s an amazing person. Smart, funny, kind…”

Lukas was absolutely not going to rant about how wonderful he thought Jesse was like he had on the night of the Fall Moon Faire. It had been embarrassing in front of Jesse. There was no way he wasn’t going to do that sort of thing in front of her own mother.

Those words are only for Jesse.

 The Founder shook her head slowly. “It’s true, isn’t it? You’ve made Jesse think she’s fallen in love with you.”

 Lukas straightened up. Made Jesse think she’s in love with me? “Call me arrogant, but I don’t think she’s in love with me. I know she is. And I love her too.”

“You’re right, that is arrogant,” The Founder protested. “And not at all credible.”

 “I would jump if I thought it would help her,” Lukas interrupted her, looking down at the Void below. “I would jump off the island for her without a second thought, if it meant she was happy and safe.”

 She narrowed her eyes at him again, clicking her tongue in thought. Lukas stared at her with as serious of an expression as he could.

I would do it in a heartbeat.

 “Even if that were true, I can’t allow you to delude Jesse further.” The Founder gave a single, firm nod. “Jesse is my daughter. She is going to lead Sky City one day. She will be responsible for the safety of our citizens. I cannot let you lead her astray with nonsense about letting people build.”

 “From what I’ve seen, Jesse’s thought about letting people build before she ever met me,” Lukas stated. “Besides, if she is going to be leader, what’s to stop her from ignoring that law entirely once she is?”

“She will do no such thing,” she debated back, throwing a finger at him. “Allowing people to build whatever they want, whenever they want would put a tremendous strain on our limited resources. It is why I only give out resources for worthwhile petitions.”

“I’ve never understood that.” Lukas shook his head. “You have the Eversource. Everyone knows it can create any crafting or building material you want. That’s how Sky City even exists. If you need materials, you can just use the Eversource to make them.”

 “If only it were as simple as that.” The Founder turned away from him. “Do you think I want to risk my life every day to get those resources? Do you think I look forward to the day when Jesse will have to risk her life to do the same?”

“What? Risk your life?” Lukas echoed. He took a tentative step towards her. “Founder, ma’am, the Eversource, is it dangerous?”

 “More than you realize.” She sighed and turned back to face him.

 Lukas paused for a moment to take in this new information. Everyone in town claimed to know how the Eversource worked. Could it be they didn’t know as much of the truth as they thought?

“So let me get this straight. It’s not really that crafting is dangerous. It’s using the Eversource to get those resources that’s dangerous?” he described, continuing when The Founder nodded. “You’re trying to protect the people from facing that danger, whatever it is, by doing it yourself?”

“Without going into more detail than you need, yes. And Jesse will one day be responsible for that same duty.” She closed her eyes and lowered her head. “What I wouldn’t give for it to be different, to never worry about my daughter putting herself in danger this way.”

“But…with all due respect, Founder, you’re just one person. You can only gather so many materials by yourself.” He lifted his cuffed hands in an almost pleading posture. “You don’t have to do it alone. Obviously Jesse would be happy to help you, and if you gave the rest of us a chance, we could help too! There are so many of us in town that would be more than happy to help you against whatever this danger is.”

The Founder chuckled a little, a small breath of air releasing from her lips.

 “I could never ask my people to put their lives at risk like that. I can barely stomach the idea of Jesse doing it.” Now The Founder stiffened her back, her voice becoming grim again. “I’m trying to protect both my daughter and my people from coming to any harm, whether it’s from the Eversource or from rebels like you and your father. That is my burden to bear, and one day it will have to be Jesse’s.”

If she was hoping to get a rise out of Lukas so he would react in a way that would justify imprisoning him, she was disappointed. Instead, he gave her a concerned expression. His blue eyes filled with apprehension not for himself, but for her. Isa kept herself from recoiling at the stare. No one had ever looked at her like that before.

 “You know, the first time I cooked a potato on the furnace, I burned myself—”

 “See? Dangerous.”

 “The supervised furnace, with the guard watching the whole time…” Lukas sighed at the disruption. “Please, ma’am. Just hear me out, okay?”

The Founder hesitated but nodded. Lukas figured that was the closest thing to an apology he was going to get.

 “The first time I cooked a potato on the supervised furnace, I burned myself,” he resumed. “My mother had warned me ahead of time that the furnace was hot and that I needed to be careful when I was cooking food on it. I ended up burned anyway.”

 “Your mother let that happen?” She had plenty of shock in her voice now.

“Oh no. Mom was less than happy about it, to say the least,” he clarified. He smiled at the memory. Everything was funny in retrospect. “Thing was, she warned me I could get burned and it happened anyway. She tried to prepare me for the danger, but short of never letting me cook, I’d always be at risk. It probably wasn’t until the third or fourth time that I figured out how to cook a potato without burning either it or myself.”

 “I fail to see the point of this anecdote.”

Lukas shook his head. “I guess, sometimes you can warn a child about danger as much as you want, but chances are they’ll end up getting hurt anyway. You can’t really stop that from happening. You can only give advice to the best of your knowledge and experience and leave the rest to them.”

“You sound much older than your years,” she admitted.

“Think about Jesse. Is keeping her cooped up in this palace teaching her how to be a good leader?” he asked. “You can’t always be there to keep her safe. If she’s going to lead Sky City like you’re constantly saying, she’s going to be in danger at some point. You can’t control that.”

There was a pause again, but Lukas didn’t take his gaze from the older woman.

“No one even knows she exists! Is keeping her safe and away from everyone and everything really worth her happiness?”

The silence continued for a bit, the two of them staring at each other. Eventually, the quiet broke.

“Are you trying to give me parenting advice now, young man?” The Founder joked, giving him the tiniest of smiles.

 “Just some advice, I guess.” He gave a shrug in response.

The Founder clasped her hands together again and nodded. “I will take your words, all of your words into consideration. Thank you for your time. Reginald?”

 “Yes, ma’am!” The Captain of the Guard strode over, grabbed Lukas by the upper arm again with one hand and saluted with the other. “Who would you like to speak to next?”

 “Bring me Petra please.”

 Lukas licked his lips, not sure what else he could say in his defense. He watched The Founder over his shoulder as he allowed Reginald to pull him away. He let out a loud sigh as they walked. Reginald gave his a curious look, but remained silent.

I guess I’m playing the waiting game now.